#and like. i have to much of an ego to let another person actually learn abt all my flaws

[90sbee]

wish i wouldn't get intimidated when women are straightforward with me... bruh my love life really is in shambles. what therapy do i need to fix this. lmao.

[astrow1zar6]

Astro Observations-32

Gemini moons have very unstable opinions and values. They usually change what they believe in based on their social environment. It’s very easy to convince them it’s this and not that if you’re convincing enough. These constant changes can make people confused in what they actually believe in. Very rare they have fixed beliefs about something. They contradict themselves a lot.

Gemini suns if underdeveloped can be big copy cats. I think they do it as a way to fit in so they’re more susceptible to changing their style or mannerisms based off of others they inspire to be like

Aries suns get triggered by everything very easily. If you say something they don’t like or that offends them they can take it from 0-100 real quick. They can be very mean at times but that’s usually their defense mechanism for feeling hurt. They can let wayyy to much things get to them they should learn to not take things so personally even if they are offended (this goes for Aries moon as well!!!) Controlling their reactions to how they deal with bs can help their mental peace a lot. When they learn not everything needs a reaction they can really become some bosses fr

Pisces/12th house placements show different versions of themselves based off of the persons vibe their interacting with. Which is why some ppl can see them as quiet and reserved and another person can see them as hot headed and loud and another can see them as sweet and outgoing etc. They can read ppls energy very easily which is why I believe they’re able to subconsciously change their personality to certain ppl as a defense mechanism to sorta see if that person is safe enough to be their true selfs. This can be why a lot of ppl see them in so many different lights. (Ex: my brother has a 12th house stellium and with family he’s extremely awkward & reserved but I’m his school he’s extremely popular & social and gets in trouble for talking too much). Learning to be more comfortable showing ur true self to others (other than the people they see as safe) can help others pin point better the person you are.

Cancer moons are so emotionally intelligent it’s insane

I notice your moon sign acts more like the stereotypical sign then your sun sign (ex: Scorpio moons act more like stereotypical Scorpios then Scorpio suns)

Leo moons are very passionate ppl. They want to live the intensity of life & they live it like that. That’s why ppl mistake their behavior for exaggeration & drama. These are actually their feelings they don’t exaggerate they truly feel that intensity. They’re only playful with selected people which is why others can see them as cold at times. If underdeveloped they can act like know it alls a lot, they can be very defensive and hard headed to others advice bc they believe they know better. Can result in big ego problems if not checked. But overall genuine hearted ppl.

Virgo moons get the “ick” from people easily that don’t value what they value

Sag moons do you guys deal with deep emotions at all? Everyone I met with this placement is abnormally very jolly & nothing usually bothers them much. How do you guys deal with emotions?? I’m lowkey jealous of this moon placement because of how well you take negatively. They’re able to transmute negative energy into something positive with such little effort. This can be somewhat stressful for deeper signs however to really see under all that joy. This lack of depth can make it harder for others to relate at times. This placement is the definition of golden retriever energy.

Ppl with Aries mars in their chart gain muscle VERY easily (especially in their arms) these people actually enjoy working out and going to the gym normally. As kids they had a surplus of physical energy. They were usually always running around or climbing stuff making obstacles courses, arm wrestling ppl etc. this placement is a blessing in terms of energy levels and health.

Taurus placement can sit around and watch tv all day if u let them. They really love TV especially movies. I notice this more with Taurus mars as well, they’re more likely to watch movies all day or binge watch shows for hours. It’s usually their happy place (and when u add food to it they’ll never leave lol)

Taurus moons usually always grew up loving fashion and clothes. Even as kids they can be very creative with the outfits the wore. They were usually too stubborn to have their mom pick out their clothes cuz they wanted a certain “look” (I’m guilt for this) they are also very fond of thrifting! Can be big shopaholics lol

Pisces moons tend to ghost ppl they’re close too with very little warning. They’ll just randomly decide to move to another state without informing anyone which can catch ppl off guard a lot. They do this especially when they feel overwhelmed with life and responsibilities. These are the hardest ppl to keep in touch with (unless you’re a love interest) they tend to put their love interests before everyone.

Pisces suns fall in love with some of the most psychotic/mentally unstable ppl ever lol. They tend to have very chaotic love life’s and tend to go for people that need some sort of mental help.

Out of all the Venus signs I feel like Taurus Venus’s have the easiest time in relationships. They tend to go for very stable people that usually treat them well. They have the ability to attract very helpful partners. (Cries in aqua Venus 🥲) however they can be more likely to take their partners for granted and don’t realize how good they have it.

Another question for other astrologers does the house of ur Venus give the same affect as the sign? Like for example ( does having a 5th house Venus give the same effect as having a Leo Venus in a way? Or is it not as strong?)

[4dkellysworld]

Real talk: When I gave up

Okay real talk here. This journey isn't always easy, especially at the start when you've just learned everything and you're identifying with an ego. Near the beginning of my journey, I came to understand a lot of the teachings intellectually and even instinctively. There was only one thing left. To realize Self. And I would keep trying with all these practices but felt like nothing was "happening" (even though intellectually I already knew there was nothing to achieve since we are already Self!). It was frustrating (but of course! I was still looking at all this from the identification of the ego).

Then one day I was sick of trying, sick of feeling desperate, sick of being on this goddamn mental pilgrimage, that I decided to give up on trying altogether. I already AM Self. From that day on, I decided I would always identify as Self and never again as the ego. And that's when things started naturally unfolding without me even doing anything and I gained more understanding experientially. Probably an unpopular take (for realized gurus lol) but I also threw away self-inquiry as a practice because I found it to be the least helpful for me personally and why do I need to ask "Who am I" when I already know I Am?

Abandon all imaginings and know yourself as you are - Nisargadatta Maharaj

I stopped seeking. I stopped trying. I stopped asking questions (including self-inquiry yay!). I stopped doing any practices to "get" or "understand" or "realize" anything. I stopped caring about understanding more of the teachings or gaining more understanding intellectually. I stopped thinking of Self-identification as some goal to reach, something that I need to progress on. I stopped waiting for anything to happen and just enjoyed being in the Now. I didn't realise at the time and only now upon reflection I realise that I gave up on all ego activities on spirituality lol. All of that is the ego looking for something to do and trying to achieve something. Only through my experience, do I now understand more deeply the things that realized masters have said. E.g. Robert Adams said something like "stop trying and seeking to be liberated and you will be because you already are". We've imagined our prisons but we are actually already liberated and always have been.

I decided (because it's true!) I already AM Self, it's not something you need to become (or understand in order to become). And because I AM, there is nothing to do but be.

edit: I found this passage a day after writing the initial draft of this post and Robert Adams said the same thing! But giving up was something I was led to by listening to Self. Truth is Truth :)

There is nothing you can think of in this Universe that can tell you what you are. It is beyond words and thoughts. You can never with your finite mind understand who you are. So do not try to do this. It works in reverse. It is when you actually stop thinking about who you are, or wanting to know who you are, and you stop analyzing, and you stop trying to figure it out, that the truth about you is revealed. Self-Realization from Silence of the Heart - Robert Adams

Two things I didn't stop doing: observing as the witness consciousness and sitting in silence in the awareness of being. But both "practices" are things I as Self naturally do because it's my very nature! It's not the same as when I used to identify as the ego and did them because I was trying to achieve something. Sitting in silence & stillness is literally my favourite activity now haha. I'm not sure whether to describe witnessing my ego progressively dissolving or merging into Self because both feel correct? Ah but that doesn't matter. Another thing I stopped caring is to label things as well and just let everything be and unfold on its own - there truly is so much peace and beauty in just being Self! I'm only trying to use words to describe this to share with others in case it's helpful for their journeys but of course words are limiting and you can only understand this when you experience it yourself.

There is nothing to get, only just BE. And it is soooo freeing and wonderful once you understand this. Give up on trying to make the mind and ego understand you are Self, that is a fruitless task. Leave them be. Stop trying to make things happen and just let things be. The more you stay in silence with this understanding, the more the light of awareness shines through and the more you will experientially understand this. Allow things to be and happen on their own, including the permanent identification with Self. Have no desires, expectations or judgments and just surrender to the Now. Just keep being Self.

Only look at who you are, over and over and over until it becomes the permanent identification and replaces the ego. - 4dbarbie

Remember to listen to your own Self above all. Everything else is simply a guide to point you towards Self. You are your greatest teacher! So listen to your Self and do what feels right for you.

Your own self is your ultimate teacher, the outer teacher is merely a milestone. It is only your inner teacher that will walk with you to the goal, because he is the goal. - Nisargadatta Maharaj

[ndjournal]

How’s your dream going?

it’s been a while since i’ve heard about you!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻

Dearest anon, my dream is well and peaceful although I am indifferent to it either way now which is what makes it peaceful and effortless :)

I considered writing a post on my learnings but was a bit hesitant because it's just another version of an experience that's already been spoken/written about many times before and there's nothing particularly special about this one. However, since you've asked, I will share some things about my journey and what has helped me personally which might help other Vanessas/versions of me out there. Please only take what resonates, my journey is not a blueprint for all journeys however I have noticed some commonalities in truth seekers.

The biggest thing was quite literally giving up entirely. I actually wrote a post on giving up about 3 months ago when I was earlier into this 'journey' and I still agree of course with what I wrote however I would write it differently if I were to write it now (it would be a more expanded version); perhaps I will write a part 2 although this answer here can sort of be taken as a part 2. You see, this Vanessa's life was quite comfortable in general so when she started on the ND path, while she was very determined to "get it", I wasn't motivated or entirely willing to give her up. We spent a lot of time letting go of concepts and limitations (and that definitely helped later on so I'm not saying it's not helpful, do what resonates for you!) and Vanessa/the ego was becoming subtler and subtler but it was still something I held onto. There was still identification with not much motivation to give it up entirely - sure there had been desire and interest to 'materialize' things but when we gave that up too, there wasn't anything. I was still lost in Maya despite the dream not being all that captivating or enjoyable.

Then quite literally life circumstances all of a sudden threw some major curveballs and Vanessa was terrified despite all that she had learned - it felt like all knowledge had suddenly disappeared and she had absolutely nothing to hold onto. After trying various things and going round in circles trying to keep everything at bay, the only thing left that really resonated was to quite literally give up on everything - it felt like there was no other option for peace but to do so because she was so mentally exhausted and drained from caring about every single thing that it was so much more appealing to be nothing and no one, to just BE… oh just the thought of being nothing and no one was freeing.

4dbarbie's words here gave Vanessa a lot of strength and direction (although her answer there was for a new identity, I did not use it for that as it was exhausting to even think of a new identity. I just wanted to be nothing and no one, that was most peaceful)

Give UP: It is what it is and 'you' can't do anything about it. Just let it all happen, we all die one day and it's over anyway. Worrying, fearing, doubting, striving, searching, desiring - how tiring, you would much rather sleep a hundred years. No matter what, you can't force life to give you what you want. Allow everything its being and leave it alone. Expect nothing from your body or mind. Let them do whatever they want, cease caring. Literally dgaf, if life wants to beat you, just let it beat you. (Ever had a bully? They get bored when you stop reacting and they leave you alone. They may increase the strength of their punches at first, but so what? You're already getting bullied... you can do nothing about it but cease caring and let it happen.)

And also this from 4dbarbie helped me understand the indifference that I had to embody:

I did not fake a lack of disturbance, I just let things happen to 'me' painful or not, I did not try not to react, I just didn't get involved emotionally with what was going on because I was tired, completely, of both desiring and being scared. The emotions didn't interest me anymore, I became indifferent to whatever was happening, neutral. If 'I' got what I wanted, whatever, if I didn't whatever again. I didn't try to change anything, the events just passed without leaving a 'footprint', all the bad/unwanted things had no reverberations anymore, it was like they never existed. Then there comes the idea of: what if they never actually did? And you fiddle and play with that a little. It's just play because you don't really care anymore, it's a real feeling of being unaffected, it's not manufactured because you aren't trying to get anything, not even 'realization', you want nothing anymore. This detached feeling, of needing nothing - it brings a lot of power, try to at least reach that and worry about the rest later.

She knew she had to stop trying to fight life but she was afraid of what would happen if she did stop trying. Eventually she got exhausted and had nothing left. Then no longer wanting/searching/trying to make happen any particular outcome or caring anymore, just pure indifference being in the present moment with no conditions/labels/problems is what gave her peace and then things just starting to ease up on their own. Things even happening on their own with just a random thought without any particular input.

I realized all the practices that Vanessa did before the curveballs had a 'doing' intention, a 'purpose' behind them (quieting the mind, self-realization, dropping beliefs etc) while afterwards, the same 'practices' were engaged again but with the intention of just being with no labels, no agenda, just being nothing and no one and this made all the difference - when you are no longer doing anything - you are not the doer/body/ego/mind; you're just being with no identification and no longer care about anything. And the indifference here is not forced or pretend like she used to have before as a defense mechanism, its genuine true indifference and full acceptance of everything (see the second 4dbarbie excerpt above - understanding and experiencing this subtle difference will help a lot).

The reality only comes when you give up yourself, when you give up your ego, when you give up your needs, your wants, trying to make something happen, desires, when you give up trying to become self-realized, when you just give up. - Robert Adams

Life is just a giant mirror of your Self. When you stop fighting it, it will stop too. But you have to be the one to initiate it. It takes courage and faith for sure to take that leap.

It has no choice but to die. What you take to be reality is the same, take away your identification and it soon ceases to be. - 4dbarbie

It can be easy to get lost in the dream again if you get caught up in the 'materialization' aspect - it's all still a dream even if forms change. Lester also talked about this in No Attachments, No Aversions:

I knew these things were not to be latched on to. I knew that if I got interested in them, I'd stop progressing. I had seen by this time that this world is a mentation - a dream. So to get interested in the dream again through interest in powers would trap me back into what I was wanting to get out of. - Lester Levenson

Also remember these things happen on their own, it's not the ego that's doing any of this and Self doesn't 'do' - Self is just effortlessly being. There's no 'doing' involved. If there's effort, it's ego as Lester said.

Now when I read my past blog posts or read Lester or Robert, there's an entirely new level of understanding and resonance with their words from before. This excerpt from Silence of the Hearts speaks more on what I was experiencing as well.

Let go of everything. Do not hold on. Stand naked before God, without any crutches, without anything to hold on to. There comes a time in everyone’s life when they have to stand naked before God. By standing naked I mean no scripture, no fancy words, no preconceived ideas, no spiritual intellectual knowledge. - Robert Adams

Perhaps without those curveballs, Vanessa would have continued to live in the illusion like an NPC in a Sims game until something like that happened to her and forced her to completely give up on everything and stand naked before God (her Self).

A day will come when you will long for the ending of the dream with all your heart and mind, and be willing to pay any price; the price will be dispassion and detachment and the loss of interest in the dream itself. Once you have seen that you are dreaming, you shall wake up. - Nisargadatta Maharaj

Now I know all happens by itself and I am just witness to it all. To all Vanessas out there, I know you got this. Follow your heart and trust in what resonates! And remember not to compare yourself to others, we are all One. Everything will be okay 💜💜💜

[mangoshorthand]

heyy could i maybe request a oneshot where sub five gets marked up by the reader like hickeys and bite marks all over his throught and collarbone as well as his lower torso😻 and as the reader progresses he whimpers and is whiny the whole time and at the end he looks himself in the mirror and hes just so inlove with it? 😩

sorry if its a bit messy😭 have a great night/day :))

Great prompt. Hope you enjoy :). I promise the next ask prompt I answer will be non smut.

Your Desperate Man | Five Hargreeves/ GN Reader 2.8k words, Rated E

There were no two ways about it: Five was hot. 

If you were to set him beside Diego, you definitely wouldn’t notice Five first, but he would be the one you'd leave the conversation thinking about. All Diego’s leather-bound muscles may as well not exist beside Five’s acerbic tongue, quiet good looks and the firm self-assurance in his intelligent green eyes. 

So you could hardly resent it when others noticed. Why would you hate someone for sharing your good taste? Whenever you noticed him turning heads, your first instinct was one of fellow-feeling. You almost wanted to say, ‘I know, right?!’ and share a high-five. 

So, no, you didn’t get jealous easily.

…But that bitch was getting on your last nerve.

It started a few months ago. She was a friend of Sloane’s who hung around the Academy like a bad smell. Ever since she met him, she latched onto him like a tick and, as soon as she could feasibly describe him as her friend, she came to spend time with him as much as possible, looking for his insight on some problem or another. 

She was a mathematician, meaning that she could follow most of his logic when he talked about his latest projects. She could flatter him by learning from him and coming back a few days later with an improvement to her own work. 

If you were jealous of anything, you were jealous of that. 

Despite how he might look, Five was not perfect: he had an ego, and Alex knew exactly how to stroke it. And that was fine, in your opinion- so long as his ego was the only thing he let her stroke. 

She nodded along and acted impressed and asked all the right questions and subtly flattered him and laughed at his jokes and made absolutely any excuse she could to touch his arm or his knee; to hug him hello and goodbye and she did it ALL while you were right there.

Fuck her!

But you trusted Five. He could see right through her, of course, but that didn’t stop him enjoying the attention. He rebuffed her with a perfect mix of politeness and friendliness, but he’d still leave most of his conversations with her with a swagger in his walk and an ironic smile directed at you. 

‘Old dog’s still got it,’ that smile said.

You trusted that he had it under control, and he did actually like her as a person for some unknown reason, so you contented yourself with telling him your concerns. He agreed that they weren’t unfounded and reassured you that her feelings were definitely not reciprocated. 

So, when you walked past the door of his father’s study one afternoon when she was over, you weren’t intending to listen outside the door, but the snatch of conversation you heard as you passed made you stop dead.

“I had a dream about you last night.”

“Something about invariant theory, I bet.”

“No,” she said, coyly.

There was a moment of silence in which she was clearly trying to get him to enquire what it was about, but he didn’t give her the satisfaction.

“Right. So this stuff is child’s play,” he said, returning to the math as if she hadn’t spoken, “it’s pretty much Hilbert’s thirteenth, which I’m sure you’re familiar with. We’ve got to think about whether these functions can be written as a composite-”

“Don’t you want to know what happened in my dream?” she interrupted him. 

There was a moment or two of silence before he replied.

“Not particularly. Now, would you like me to go on with the math or do you have somewhere to be?”

Satisfied, you continued on your path elsewhere. 

Apparently, she did have somewhere to be, because she passed you on her way to the front door only a few minutes later. Five did not follow her to say goodbye.

Smut below cut

***

That evening, you entered the bedroom to find him preparing for sleep. Unusually for Five, he was clad in a t-shirt and sweats rather than pajamas. His towel-dried hair hung messily in his eyes. He smiled when he saw you, wrinkling his face momentarily into the lines he should by all rights have except for a certain time-travel accident. 

“Hey.”

“Hi,” you said.

You closed the door and crossed to the comfortable reading chair, raising your legs onto the arm. Five, trying to neaten his hair in the mirror, spoke casually.

“I don’t think Alex will be coming over again.”

“How come?” you asked, wanting to hear the rest of what happened.

“Hmph,” he said, disinterestedly, “she came onto me and I told her to fuck off.”

“What happened,” you said, interested.

“She came on flirty, like she does, but this time she tried to kiss me.”

He inspected a patch of dry skin on his neck.

“What?” you ask, enraged.

“Don’t worry,” he said, placatingly, “she was told precisely where to go. It was pretty pathetic, actually,” he remarked.

“I think I heard some of it,” you admit, “she was talking about having a dream about you and you made it clear you weren’t interested.”

“Yup, that was right before,” he said, darkly. 

“Bitch.” you grumbled, “I knew she’d try something.”

“Well, you were right,” Five continued, applying a layer of moisturizer to his face, “but she won’t be trying anything again.”

You watched his face in the mirror, absorbed in his pre-bedtime routine. He was a creature of habit, you discovered: a man of little quirks and rituals, particularly when it came to personal grooming. As it had been so long denied him, he reveled in the luxury of even the tiniest routines: trimming his nails weekly, shaving his face daily and looking after his hair and skin.

The more intimately you got to know him, the less cool and caustic he seemed. Underneath it all, there was just a sweet old-young man crying out to be loved and needed.

…And occasionally fucked. 

“Don’t tell me you weren’t just a little bit tempted,” you smiled, standing up and approaching him from behind.

“Of course I wasn’t,” he said, mildly offended, “I’m yours.”

He said it casually, as if he hadn’t quite thought through what he was saying. He caught your eye in the mirror as you appeared over his shoulder. He smiled slightly sheepishly at the familiar gleam in your eye.

Your arms slithered around his waist. Beneath his shirt your hands traveled over the warm muscle and flat stomach. His skin felt like silk. As the very tips of your fingers breached the elastic of his waistband, your chin came to rest on his shoulder, your lips brushing his ear as you whispered.

“What was that?”

A fine blush appeared in his cheek, like a delicate drop of watercolor. 

“I said, I’m yours.” 

Your lips played about his neck, your eyes holding his captive through the medium of the mirror. 

He looked at you, expression open and anticipatory. He swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing attractively. You ghosted your lips further down, towards the hollow between his neck and his shoulder. Mouth poised there, you spoke again, voice husky.

“Say it again.”

He shuddered with the knowledge of what was coming, and breathed:

“I’m yours.”

And you sucked a bruise onto his skin. Long, lingering and sudden. He let out a shaky breath as you did so, eyes drifting into a haze of pleasure. You pulled away and admired the mark, a port-wine stain spread on that delicate silk. His eyes were similarly engaged, looking at the new hickey in the mirror as if he’d never seen one before.

Taking the opportunity of his preoccupation, you looked at his face: the sweet, parted lips, the heavy brow and the jaw that could have been sculpted by Michelangelo. By the time his eyes returned to yours, the look within them made the slow, crawling sensation below his waistband redouble. 

“Do you want more?”

He nodded slowly, but as you moved to mark him again, he abruptly turned his head towards you so that your lips met his instead. It was as if he couldn’t resist anymore, like a man dying of thirst finding a clear mountain stream. Leaning backwards into you, he sighed into your mouth and let your tongue roam. 

He was so sweet in this mood; uncharacteristically compliant. Every time it came upon him, you never failed to be enchanted by him. Everyone always looked to him for direction and authority and this was one way he could take a break from all the responsibility. You were more than happy to give him that, especially when it left him looking all undone and pretty like this.

When you broke away from him, your hands were playing beneath his shirt, fingers stroking up and down the soft line of hair disappearing into his sweats. He closed his eyes as you again pinged the elastic on his pants, but they shot open again as your teeth nipped at the flesh of his neck.

He whined as you bit and sucked, the mild pain only adding spice to the pleasure: the prickle of fired up nerve-endings and needful ache in the lowest part of his stomach. As you dug your teeth in fraction more, you compensated by cupping his crotch through his sweatpants and holding him where he was hard.

When you let the skin go and turned back to the mirror, his eyes didn’t even meet yours: he only had eyes for the deep red mark you’d made and the white, crescent-shaped teeth marks disappearing before his eyes. 

“You like that, baby,” you murmured, comforting his aching package with firm, circular rubbing motions. 

“Yes,” he said, voice slightly higher than usual.

“Do you want more? Wanna be covered in them?”

He nodded enthusiastically, like a shy child offered his favorite candy.

“Arms over your head then.”

He complied, letting you peel off his t-shirt and discard it over your shoulder. You hummed appreciatively at the range of flesh now on display: at the pale, unspoiled skin you were about to pepper with burst capillaries. You weren’t a violent person, but you couldn’t deny the little squirm of sadistic glee at the idea of him covered with your marks.

The hand not engaged with his groin flitted up his stomach to stimulate the close bud of one nipple, making him buck automatically into your hand. The small noise he made went straight to the center of your own arousal; he was just so fucking aborable like this, all needy and pathetic. 

So you sucked at him again, hungrily, leaning over to mark his collarbone. This time, you couldn’t resist giving him more than a nip with your teeth, biting him enough to abruptly stop his little whimpers and cause him to suck in air over his teeth. Despite this, he still watched, transfixed, as you worked at him with his arousal aching in your hand.

You eased up, letting his skin go and kissing the deeper teeth marks, as if you might undo the pain with each kiss.

“Too much?” you asked.

“A little,” he whispered, eyes nevertheless devouring the sight of his third mark. 

You gave a little pout in sympathy with his plight and kissed his cheek.

“Shall I go easy on you?”

“For a little while.” he replied, that sheepish, coy smile on his lips. You knew what it meant: wind me up tighter first.

You were more than happy to oblige. 

He moved as if towards the bed as you stepped back from him, but your hands on his shoulders kept him in place.

“You stay there.” you said, “I want you to be able to see yourself.”

“Okay,” he whispered, facing the mirror again as you came to stand in front of him. 

His whines were music to your ears as you attacked your next target, sucking complementary bruises onto each pectoral. Then, bending to allow him to admire the new hickies, you moved further south. You grazed and suckled again and again at his subtly toned abdominals, his flank, and at the softer flesh of his stomach. As you did so, your hands explored the body they had explored so well, yet could never tire of exploring. You rubbed at his chest, hips, ass and thighs.

Each time you withdrew, he surveyed himself hazily, reveling with slavish pleasure in the cumulative effect of your claim on him: your flags planted on his body. The thought ratcheted his arousal to a higher pitch, and he felt his knees tremble as his heartbeat became evident in his groin. 

When you sucked at the v-shaped furrow running invitingly towards his pubis, his whimpers redoubled. One of his hands came to your hair, fingers massaging your scalp. His hips pulled forward, as if your face attracted them like a magnet. Wordlessly, he begged with more pathetic little sounds.

You ignored his little ‘suggestion’ and rose to your feet from the spot you’d been kneeling. 

Thwarted, Five let out a frustrated, high moan. His left hand immediately disappeared beneath his waistband, attending to his own need in a move of desperation. It made you smirk to see it, so you allowed him a few moments to pleasure himself while you admired his face:

His hair, starting to dry, was beginning to stick up at odd angles while the rest clung to his brow. His forehead was held a tight pinch with the intensity of his arousal and his lips were curled around gritted teeth, bringing the slight hook in his nose into greater prominence. Still in front of the mirror, his eyes were closed, his head tilted back. Muscles jumped in the neck beneath his thrust-forward chin.

As gladly as you could have watched him beating himself off beneath those sweatpants, it would have to be something to file away for another day. Today was about reminding him (as if he needed reminding), who he belonged to.

So, with this in mind, you licked one of his nipples with a deliberate, preparatory tongue.

“Oh,” he said, speaking half in exhale, “f-feels good.”

You sucked the nipple hard into your mouth, continuing to swipe your tongue over the hard bead between your lips. He panted, and then jerked as you closed your teeth around him.

“Oh shit!”

Experimentally, you tightened your bite around him and the speed of his strokes increased. Clearly, this was doing something quite profound to him. He let out a squeak that made your own nipples harden.

All of time could be at the mercy of Five Hargreeves, if he so chose, yet you could make him mewl like a newborn kitten.

“Yeah,” he breathed, “bite me. Fucking bite me.”

He whined again as your tongue continued to stimulate him, as you sucked his areola into your mouth and clamped your teeth down, marking him again. 

“Ah shit! Harder!”

But you didn’t want to hurt him, so you released his swollen nipple and took his wrist, stopping him touching himself. He huffed needily, but didn’t resist.

You came to stand behind him again, pulling his wrists gently behind his back and tugging on them so that his body was completely on display in the mirror. You kissed from his shoulder to his cheek, trying not to smile at his obvious discomfort; at the stretched fabric of the sweatpants around his perfectly-imprinted cock, sticking firmly out from his body.

“What do you see, Five?” you whispered, once more into his ear.

“Please,” he whimpered, shifting slightly. 

“What do you see in the mirror?” you repeated, more firmly.

He considered in a feverish sort of way.

“A desperate man,” he said, trying to nuzzle beseechingly into you, but unable to turn his head with his arms held that way.

“Whose desperate man?”

“Yours,” he said tripping over himself to satisfy you, “I’m yours, okay?”

“Look at yourself,” you pushed.

He did, lust-clouded eyes eating up the sight.

Marks. All over him. Fuck. 

Seeing himself this way made him shiver. He reveled in the feeling of safe powerlessness, here at your mercy. He was definitely yours. Yours to do with as you pleased: your bruises and bite marks all over him were proof. He knew at least one that would be visible above his shirt collar tomorrow, and the idea filled him with a whorish sense of satisfaction. His cock ached harder at the idea that everyone would know he was yours. Your man.

Your devotee.

Your toy. 

And he would submit willingly to whatever you chose to do next.

Request masterlist >> HERE

Tag list: (please comment to be added or removed): @thebearmage

NOTE: Dom!Five was my first love but Sub!Five is growing on me. Maybe I just like Switch!Five.

I take Five requests, I'm fairly versatile in what I write (fluff, smut, angst, psychological character study- I'll try it all) but I will consider them on a case by case basis. See masterlist for request status and more.

[syrena-del-mar]

Very Rarely Do Men Know How to Be Altogether Good or Altogether Wicked

The last five minutes of today's episode left my mouth gaping, it really felt like I was watching a catastrophic accident happen in front of me and I just couldn't look away.

I wasn't completely sure on how Sand was going to learn about Ray and Mew's history, but I sure wasn't expecting that Ray's feelings would be exposed in such a volatile way. Maybe I’m in the minority here, I’m not exactly sure because I’m seeing a mixed bag of reactions, but I don’t necessarily agree that Sand ever needed to find out about Ray’s feelings for Mew. Much less from Boston.

This is partially going to be a bit of a continuation of my thoughts that Boston has a Machiavellian personality, followed up with SandRay's relationship becoming the unsuspecting 'victim'. Again, I'll be using pulling from Machiavelli's The Prince, but I'm also using his work Discourses on Livy. [Title credit to ch. 27 of Discourses]

Boston, still the Machiavellian 'Prince'

“Another difficulty to be added to the one mentioned above is that a state that becomes free creates for itself enemies rather than friends.”

― Niccolò Machiavelli, Discourses on Livy

Let me be upfront, I don't hate Boston, I actually enjoy the chaos he brings, but he's a fascinating character to break down and really analyze his actions. The last five minutes was, in my opinion, the most chaos that he has caused out in the open. This was never a situation of Boston 'saying what needed to be said.' This was Boston seeing an opportunity to take control of someone and doing so by unfairly outing Ray's feelings. I, again, stand by the idea that Boston is not a narcissist, but rather a Machiavellian personality type. This doesn't make him a 'villain'; Only Friends does a good job at showing that there are no villains in real life, just incredibly shitty people. Boston is simply a dick, who chooses to play with his friends to feel a sense of control when he doesn't have it. Has he ever cared for his friends? Does he keep them around simply for convenience? Hard to say. That doesn't make him evil, it just makes him a first-class jackass.

In my post where I had stated that he was more of a Machiavellian rather than narcissist, I came to the conclusion that, 'In his viewpoint, he is the kingpin, even in his group of friends, because he believes that he's the one that controls how his friends move since he knows how Mew is developing feelings for Top and is aware of Ray's feelings for Mew.' This time around, he practically admits it right after purposefully revealing Ray's feelings for Mew, "I just want to keep track of my best friends' romantic moments.' Boston hoards information so that he can throw it in people's faces when it fits him the best, there's no 'good intentions' on his keeping tabs on his friends.

Boston knows that TopMew are going to sleep together, they're serious and he's out of the running. Is it simply ego or is it because of self-interest? Whatever the catalyst is, he essentially has nothing holding him back anymore. He's seeing his "friends" getting "serious", while he's out there dealing with known (and unknown) filming of one-night stands he had being used as revenge porn. That'd hurt and anger anyone, but from what has been shown, Boston thrives off of control and so having his sex life used against him would feel like an even bigger blow. They're minor events that are snowballing and Boston likely needs to feel that control again. It's why he pushes Nick down without a second thought when Nick is trying to pull him away (opposed to how Ray lets Sand pull him back). So he claims that control back, he deliberately reveals what he knows, purposefully taking Ray down with him. While he may be feeling like shit, at least he'll be better off than Ray, who's left to pick up the pieces.

Sand and Ray, the intentional destruction of the 'kingdom'

“In general you must either pamper people or destroy them; harm them just a little and they’ll hit back; harm them seriously and they won’t be able to. So if you’re going to do people harm, make sure you needn’t worry about their reaction.” ― Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince

Yes, Sand and Ray are in a “situationship.” Yes, they’re constantly getting both physically and emotionally closer. Yes, Sand is developing feelings for Ray (arguably vice versa too). But that’s it. They started off as friends with benefits and while they’ve been shifting around, neither one has fully crossed that line. There was no defined area in the relationship, at least not before the implosion. They’re barely getting to know each other, Sand even calls Ray out because he knew that Ray had never noticed him before, not in a way other than just the Bar Performer.

Ray is working through who he is without Mew, without his crush on Mew. He's come to the realization that while he put Mew as his #1 for many years, he's knows he's not that for Mew, and is slowly coming to the realization that he may have never been. These are his feelings to work out and his alone. Sand and Ray are first and foremost friends, as they had agreed upon and they happen to hook up often. This was what they agreed upon. Even if one or both of them are catching feelings, it does not mean that Ray has an automatic obligation to come clean to Sand.

Arguably, Boston was unaware of this set up, but honestly he didn't need to know. This was not his business, Boston didn't suddenly spill the fact that Ray has had feelings for Mew for years to look out for Sand. No, this was an intentional hit on Ray, where he was positive that it would hurt. Boston has repeatedly used Ray's feelings for Mew for his own convenience (Exhibit A: Meddling at the pool party), whether it be to get Ray to react in a certain way or to have a punching bag. He knew how defensive and reactive Ray would get when he brought up RayMew's kiss and supposed sex (was this ever confirmed?) that they had.

Boston speaks in definite presumptions when he talks about others, he does this to Top and he did it to Ray. He spins realities to how he sees fit and with the confidence that he speaks in, he makes others believe him. It's why Mew never questioned that Top is accustomed to sleeping around and didn't think that Top really wanted anything more than sex, because that's what Boston specifically told him that Top was like. It's why now Sand believes that he has no hour in Ray's life, even when Ray gives him the opening to ask more, because Boston purposefully spoke in definite terms. Even the most secure person would be left feeling unsure and unbalanced.

So when Sand, who knows that their relationship is based on being friends with benefits, is confronted with words from Ray's supposed friend who explicitly states that Ray is in love with Mew and that he's being used as a rebound, what else can he do but believe that?

What little trust and rapport that they had started to build up has come crumbling down. They're frantically gathering the pieces of a 'kingdom' that has been turn into dust, the aftermath of the Prince's wrath. It's why Ray scrambles for the bottle and it's why Sand shuts down. How can they react to what Boston did, when they're struggling to salvage the little remnants left behind of what was supposed to be a blossoming relationship?

[enha-doodles]

THAT ASSHOLE ✧⁺。

Pairing : Tom riddle x fem!reader

Synopsis : you and Tom are academic rivals and hate each other , but is it your fault when that competitive asshole cannot handle one loss and seeks for revenge which leaves you in detention

Warnings : cursing , normal fighting ? Not proofread I'm sorry 😭

Note : my first ever Harry potter fic sksksk , I'm very excited for this one . This is also my first fic after like a year ? And I've improved a lot so I hope you guys like it <33

In the hallowed halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where the echoes of centuries-old spells mingle with the whispers of ambitious young wizards, I stormed down the corridor, my footsteps echoing with determination. Clutched tightly in ny hand was the parchment that bore the results of the latest Defense Against the Dark Arts examination—a subject I prided myself on excelling in , but surprisingly this time I didn't get the highest grade , though i already have an idea who got excellent score - that asshole .

As I rounded the corner, my path intersected with none other than Tom Riddle , the brooding Slytherin prodigy whose mere presence seemed to cast a shadow over my ambitions. His dark eyes flickered with a smugness that ignited a spark of anger within me , knowing all too well that he had likely aced the exam and overstepped me .

"You're in the damn way, Riddle," i spat, my voice laced with disdain as i attempted to sidestep him. But Tom, ever the opportunist, blocked my path with a sly smirk playing on his lips. "Ah, (L/N), always using such unladylike words , maybe thats one of the reason why you seem to be below than me ," he taunted, his voice dripping with condescension.

Suppressing the urge to roll my eyes, I clenched my jaw, refusing to let him see how much his words affected me . "Unlike some , I actually don't care what people say and while we talk about my academic pursuits , it'd be better if you keep your insignificant opinion to yourself ," i retorted, my tone laced with venom. Our rivalry was legendary within the walls of Hogwarts, a constant clash of intellects and egos that fueled their disdain for one another.

With a sarcastic smile, I pushed past Tom, my resolve steeling against the inevitable confrontation that awaited the both of us in the days to come. For as long as we remained academic rivals, our mutual hatred would burn as brightly as the flames of Gryffindor and Slytherin.

Tom's voice echoed in the long and ominous hallway making me stop at my tracks . "Maybe you should work on yourself instead of just trying to prove your worth , which I may insist would be nothing less than my broom" That arrogant jerk . Thankfully there were almost no students around since it was time for another lesson . I could feel my rage burning , running through my veins as i stormed towards him and grabbed him by the collar of his stupidly perfect robe "You better learn to shut your fucking mouth riddle , I'm no patient woman and I would definitely not hesitate to show you just how much I have in myself , I'll have you fucking grovel at my feet" i seethed but it did not have much impact on Tom since all he did was let out a menacing chuckle "grovel at your feet ? You sure think highly of yourself , don't you ? And why are you mad , I was just being veracious . Perhaps you forgot I'm a prefect and could very happily take points from your pathetic house for the absolute insolence you are performing at the moment"

His word flowed through his thick British accent only making me more mad , they always seemed to cut through my mind and heart , his erudite personality provoking a desire withing me to just stab him with a dagger but I know better than to do foolish things so instead i let my grip loosen as I gave him a sickeningly fake smile , my hands straightening his collar as i whispered "you wouldn't dare riddle , you know I'm a prefect aswell" i continued with sweetness flowing through my words as if it was straight up sugar "I wouldn't mind deducting all of those points you earned in a month , I'll make sure they're gone in a fucking week , you know Dumbledore is on my side" i taunted him as i tightened his tie a bit to which he hissed and glared at me .

It was a known fact that tom was loved by the entire student body along with the professors but Dumbledore? No . he sure saw right through his facade something which I highly appreciate since I find it stupid just how naive people here are that they are fooled by his fake act but to be fair he is quite charmistic with his ways of getting things done in his manner , he just fabricates his personality so fucking well . Oh how I would love to disrupt and absolutely wreck his living . His fame , his knowledge, his charm , his everything , just him overall evokes an enmity within me , an deep seated anger upon how he could gain it all so easily while I work my ass off ? It was just not fair .

I took my hands off as i beamed at him my eyes forming into crescents "farewell riddle , hope you collide into a wall and have a concussion" with that i turned around smiling to myself as i felt a sense complacency wash over me , oh such a beautiful feeling to put him in his place , I'm going to have a good sleep tonight .

As she went away Tom stood there with a clenched jaw and hands formed into fists breathing heavily "that disdainful bitch" . The amount of anger he felt was indescribable at the moment , how could this little girl disrespect him , the future lord of the wizarding world , and go away as if nothing happened? She needs to learn her place and Tom will gladly be the one to do so . "Just you wait little girl , just you wait" he breathed out as he walked away sharply .

。　　　　✧　　　　⁺　 　 　。

It was now the next morning , I woke up along with hermione as we both freshened up and went at the great hall for breakfast . As we reached there we spotted our usual group - Harry , ron , fred and george . They are all laughing as we took our seats , I sat near Harry as hermione sat near ron . As they started bickering i side eyed Harry as we both quietly exchanged amused glances . To be honest everyone knew they liked each except those two idiots, sometimes I think they know it aswell but they just don't have enough courage to express it . It's honestly so annoying but we still do our best to make them realise their feelings .

I laughed as I heard Harry huff out "here comes the daily fighting , can a guy not have a break" I took a plate as I filled it with some food and continued the conversation "hey a girl needs a break aswell , I'm sure he doens't complain about mionie as much as she eats my ear off about ron" . Harry was about to say something when he suddenly stopped , his mouth open , eyebrows frowned into confusion as he looked somewhere. "What ? What happened?" I asked as I followed his gaze which stopped at the Slytherin table right where tom sat with his insatiable group of arrogant jerks "oh" was all i could say . Harry turned towards me as he asked "did you and Tom have another fight ? He seems to glaring at you since you entered . At first i thought it was just me but umm he's definitely mad"

All my friends knew about our rivalry since I'm mostly pissed off because of him and well let me inform you about an annoying trait of mine - I can't control my anger and cursing . I sighed as i continued eating answering him nonchalanly "I did but he started it , it was just the same I don't know what hit the nerve this time" Harry seemed a bit concerned as he leaned in a bit "just be careful I think he's coming for you this time , it seems as if you really hurt his pride" I let out a chuckle as I looked at tom "oh he can try all he wants but at the end he is the loser" i whispered as i smiled sarcastically at tom who only glared back .

We had finished eating as we stood up , ron and hermione still arguing "gosh ronald you make such gratuitous jokes" hermione complained as they walked forward , me and Harry still walking at a slow pace behind as we continued laughing . Suddenly Tom blocked our path with his annoying friends "well if it isn't the golden pair of our school , i must say you both suit each other perfectly , extremely dumb and pretentious" said his younger brother, mattheo . He is a spitting image of Tom just less cold and more talkative , also a complete manwhore - quite the opposite of Tom . I scoffed as I rolled my eyes "did the snakes loose their way ? You're slithering in the wrong den assholes"

"How amiable , aren't you darling" mattheo said as he stepped forward , a bit too much in my personal space for my liking . Before I can say something Tom interrupted "don't waste your time on trash Mattheo , we have better things to do" his sentence made me furious but i kept a cool face on "oh yeah , like licking snapes boot off for extra points?" My words sure made them offended as they all stepped forward but Harry came in between "if you guys may , we're getting late for class" with that he dragged me away as I flipped Tom off , oh how I loved seeing their pissed off face as I blew them a kiss only adding fuel to their rage .

。　　　　✧　　　　⁺　 　 　。

During the classes i could feel their burning gaze throwing daggers at my head . They were extremely influencial people maybe i shouldn't have said too much but I'm a gryffindor , it's in my blood . Damn this courage , this will be the reason of my death one day . This is all Tom's fault , he is simply so agitating ugh will be just let me live my life in any sort of peace ? If he's not at my neck all the time then his goons are , so fucking annoying. The classroom fell quite as the professor stepped in with the results of the transfiguration test taken a week ago .

As the professor stood at the front of the classroom, holding the parchment with the test results, the tension in the air was palpable. Every student leaned forward in their seats, anticipation coursing through the room like electricity.

When the professor finally began to announce the results, a hush fell over the classroom, broken only by the rustling of parchment. As my name was called out as the top performer, a ripple of whispers and murmurs swept through the room, followed by a round of applause.

You couldn't help but feel a swell of pride at the recognition of your hard work and dedication. It was a validation of your efforts, a moment of triumph amidst the daily struggles of academic life at Hogwarts.

But as you basked in the glow of your success, you couldn't ignore the sharp gaze of Tom Riddle fixed upon you from across the room. His expression was inscrutable, but there was a glint of something dangerous in his eyes.

It was no secret that Tom Riddle was ambitious and competitive, always striving to be the best in every endeavor. Your success was undoubtedly a blow to his pride, and you could see the flicker of envy in his demeanor.

As the class continued, you couldn't shake the feeling of being under scrutiny, as if every move you made was being watched and analyzed. It was as though Tom's gaze followed you wherever you went, a constant reminder of the rivalry that simmered between you.

But despite the undercurrent of tension, you refused to let it dampen your spirits. You were determined to savor this moment of victory, to revel in the praise that had been bestowed upon you.

。　　　　✧　　　　⁺　 　 　。

As Tom Riddle seethed with jealousy over the your academic success , he knew he needed to devise a plan to bring you down. His mind teemed with thoughts of retribution, each one darker than the last.

One evening, as he strolled through the corridors of Hogwarts, an idea struck him like a bolt of lightning. He would orchestrate a situation that would land you in detention, a punishment that would serve as a fitting punishment for their perceived transgressions. It would piss you off but also lower your reputation in front of the professors.

Tom approached his brother, Mattheo, and his friend, Theodore, with a devious plan brewing in his mind. "I need your help," he said, his eyes glinting with malice. "I want to teach that insolent girl a lesson she won't forget."

Mattheo and Theodore exchanged a glance, intrigued by Tom's proposition already knowing who he's talking about . "What do you have in mind?" Mattheo asked, his curiosity piqued.

Tom outlined his plan, explaining how he intended to use Mattheo and Theodore to manipulate your emotions. "We'll have you bump into her and flirt with her," he said with a wicked grin. "But we'll make sure to push her buttons. She won't be able to resist reacting , you know how she is ."

Theodore nodded , eager to assist his friend. "Count me in," he declared, his eyes gleaming with mischief.

。　　　　✧　　　　⁺　 　 　。

As i navigated the bustling corridors of Hogwarts, lost in thought, i suddenly felt a collision jolt my from my reverie. Startled, i stumbled backward, nearly losing my balance. Looking up, I saw two figures looming over me , their expressions smug and unapologetic.

"Watch where you're going!" I exclaimed, my annoyance evident in my voice as I straightened myself.

Mattheo and Theodore exchanged a glance, barely concealing their amusement. "Apologies, love," Mattheo said with a smirk, his tone dripping with insincerity. "We didn't see you there."

I rolled her eyes, my irritation mounting at their cavalier attitude. "Sure you didn't," I muttered sarcastically, attempting to sidestep their path and continue on my way.

But Mattheo stepped in front of me , blocking my path with an infuriating grin. "Leaving so soon, sweetheart?" he teased, his tone laced with arrogance.

My patience wore thin as I tried to push past him, my frustration evident in my voice. "I have better things to do than entertain you two," i retorted, my annoyance palpable.

However, Mattheo and Theodore seemed undeterred by my dismissal, their egos bruised by my indifference. They exchanged a knowing glance before Theodore leaned in closer, his voice dripping with false charm. "Come on, don't be like that," he cajoled, reaching out to brush a stray lock of hair from my face.

I recoiled, my patience wearing thin. "Don't touch me," I snapped, swatting his hand away. "I said I'm not interested!"

But Mattheo and Theodore persisted, their egos wounded by my rejection. They exchanged a smirk before Theodore remarked, "Looks like she needs to be taught a lesson, eh, Mattheo?"

With a malicious glint in his eye, Mattheo nodded in agreement. "Oh, I've got just the lesson in mind," he replied, his voice filled with venomous intent as he stepped closer .

And with that, my patience snapped. With a swift punch to Mattheo's jaw, I silenced his arrogant words , I couldn't believe how absolutely disgusting they were.

The commotion attracted the attention of nearby teachers, who hurried over to intervene. Amidst the chaos, I found myself dragged to detention , the teacher's had asked what happened and with the witness of other students around it was proved that I started the fight. I was absolutely furious because I had a reason to do it but I was silenced by "I am utterly disappointed in you (name) I didn't expect this kind of behaviour from you. Detention for 3 days". My mind was reeling with anger - they hadn't even let me explain myself , just great .

。　　　　✧　　　　⁺　 　 　。

As i stormed into the dimly lit detention room, my eyes immediately locked onto Tom Riddle's figure, sitting calmly at his desk. Without hesitation, i marched over to him, my footsteps echoing with determination.

"What did you do?" I demanded, my voice cutting through the silence of the room. Tom glanced up, his expression unreadable as he met my gaze. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about," he replied smoothly, his tone betraying no hint of guilt.

My frustration boiled over, my patience wearing thin. "Cut the act, Tom," i snapped, my voice tinged with anger. "You framed me, didn't you?"

A smirk tugged at the corner of Tom's lips, a glint of amusement dancing in his dark eyes. "Perhaps I did," he admitted casually, his gaze never wavering from mine . "But you shouldn't be so careless, (L/N) . You know what they say about stepping on snakes."

The mention of snakes ignited a fire within me , my temper flaring at his veiled threat. Without thinking, I lunged forward, my hand reaching out to grab him by the collar.

"You think you can intimidate me?" I hissed, my voice laced with fury as I pulled him closer. "I won't let you get away with this."

Tom's smirk widened into a sly grin as he met my gaze head-on, unfazed by my display of aggression. "And what do you plan to do about it?" he taunted, his voice dripping with malice.

Before I could respond, the sound of footsteps echoed through the room as the detention supervisor approached, breaking the tension between us . With a final glare, I released my grip on Tom's collar, stepping back to compose myself.

I huffed as I took my seat glaring at the back of his head while he talked smoothly with the professor keeping up with his facade , showing no remorse after framing me and worse threatening me to do more just because i overstepped him in a bloody test . A frustrated sigh left my mouth as he left with a mocking sly grin on his face and all I could do was roll my eyes and curse him "that asshole" .

。　　　　✧　　　　⁺　 　 　。

[crazilust]

Astro observations - ❣️ Luuuuv edition❣️

i'm currently going thru a break up and i felt like shit talking. will these my most objective observations? yeaaaaa. maybe not. feel free to argue with me, though.

If you want me to analyze you and your partner's chart, or your chart, or your crush's chart, I offer that for 10-15$ sooooo y'know

Whenever entering a relationships, look at these placements within yourself and your future partner : your mercury sign (this will be important in arguments), your moon sign (will this person be able to fulfill your emotional needs?) and your venus sign (do you guys have the same perception of an healthy relationship?)

I actually do believe that when it comes to relationships, you need to have at least a few similar placements or at the very least same elements. i know they say opposite attracts, but in my humble opinion, similar stick together. Earth signs will always prioritize a stable, solid foundations and might get hurt by an Air sign's volatility.

Virgos judge way too much when it comes to relationships. I'd say unhealed, un evolved Virgos. Their perfectionism can get really suffocating when it is projected onto others and honestly, until they're healed and can accept their own flaws, it can really ruin the other person's self esteem

I've already talked about 12th house relationships in one of my earlier posts, but let me go back to this (now that i'm done with mine LMAOOOO). This ain't for the weak. 12th house is the house of hidden enemies. Unless you both accept that the other person triggers your deepest insecurities, you will hurt eachother and in that case, it's better to simply leave and learn your lesson

A Pisces mercury would do better be with other water signs mercury. They tend to talk in images and in a vague way, and their words always get distorted. I feel like another water sign would have less trouble understanding the feeling behind the weird words of a pisces mercury.

Another aspect that is important when it compatibility is the rising! Rising sign doesn't only represent appearances, it litteraly affects your whole chart. It talks about your values, your way of viewing life and navigating it. A Taurus rising will view life in a way that is completely different to a Leo rising, for example (while they may share similarities, sometimes it creates unnecessary conflicts)

Scorpios do get a bad rep in relationships and most of the times, it's because you've been on the other end of their wrath and that's the only thing you can remember. I've been badly burned by a Scorpio but that doesn't mean it'll take away their devotion, loyalty and pure love that I could experience with them. Not everyone will be compatible with a Scorpio, because it is intense, but being truly loved by a Scorpio is something everybody should experience

Air signs are mostly associated with relationships, friendships, flings. They sometimes get a bad rep that they're not loyal, they're not faithful. Unfortunately, I'm not here to demystify that, BUT! I'll say this: air sign are way less comfortable in relationships that they tend to appear. Most air signs have a deep wounded relationships with themselves. They simply have learned that in order not to deal with that, they could project it onto other people and/or play a role. Most people don't even notice and they get to stay in denial. Aquarius are scared they won't bring any value to the world, Geminis are scared of getting to know themselves and if they'll ever truly fit in somewhere and Libras are scared of their own flaws and would much rather fix themselves through a relationship. They're. running. from. themselves.

Will you ever truly get to know a Sagittarius in a relationship? Only if you're willing to spend most of the time playing the sweet gymnastic of : was this a lie or was this the truth ? Remember that they're ruled by Jupiter and they naturally have an inflated ego. The lies doesn't necessarily come from a bad place, per se, but much more a desire to always look good in someone's eyes.

I'll end with this: I don't actually believe that you shouldn't go through a relationship because of someone's sign or chart. BUT. These are energies that both of y'all will project. If you don't work on it, if you ignore it, if you pretend... They will play out.

--------------------------------

Yea. That's it for me. The day before Valentine's day. I'm not as sad as I thought I would be because I actually do feel better without them. This was a karmic relationship and I've learned my lesson.

I've missed you guys,

Dolly.

[ohtobeleah]

Okay but the idea of Bob getting to the point where he has to throw hands to protect you is so hot. Purely because you just know it’s not in his nature.

Another Statistic // Bob Floyd

Word Count: 5.1k

Warnings: hey guys so a major trigger warning on this one for sexual assault. Please read at your own discretion and please remember that this is a work of fiction. Angst is what I do.

***~***~***~***~***~

This really got out of control For this one we need to go back to the beginning of the story.

Robert Floyd didn’t drink alcohol for a few reasons. None of them really being all too life changing, for one he just didn’t like the burning sensation that came along with liquor, and beer just out right made him feel sick. He’d tried a few fancy cocktails here and there—all enjoyable until the sugar wore off or until the next morning. But there was one reason why Bob was always the designated driver, one reason why he always had a plan A, a plan B and a plan C. There was a reason why he preferred water or a glass of Lemonade, Fanta or Coke while at dinners, clubs or bars and there was a reason he never really caved to the societal pressure of drinking with your peers after a long day, or social gatherings where alcohol seemed to be in abundance.

The simple answer to all Robert Floyd’s why’s, the question ‘you aren’t drinking man?’ Had a more simple answer that could easily be shortened down to one word. One person actually.

You.

Bob chose a long time ago that he’d be happy to never drink again if that meant he could protect you. And that’s not to say Bob had ever been some macho Johnny Bravo protector. No. Bob in his very nature was a back seater. He was very much a back seater in all aspects of life, a wallflower. But god Bob would run out into the line of fire any day if it meant taking a bullet that was meant for you. He’d do anything for the love of his life, his best friend. And he has and always will continue to.

“And who would this lovely lady of the sea be?” Like the wallflower he was, Bob had had enough time to get a pretty good read on the type of man Jake Seresin was. He'd come to the conclusion he was happy he hadn’t encountered the man who had an ego the size out Mt Everest. What Bob couldn't see coming from a million miles away would be the fact Jake Seresin would become a bigger part of his life then he could ever picture. A trusted colleague, a good friend and above all? Godfather to his child but we’ll touch base on that at a later time. “Bob? Care to introduce us to your friend here? One of Top Guns finest i presume?”

“Uh–” Bob stammered over his words as he cleaned peanut crumbs from his uniform. “This is uh–um i–” Bob watched as you chuckled, passing him your half finished beer as you held out your hand out for Jake to shake gracefully. Bob watched you interact with Jake, his hand slowly coming to find the hem of your naval skirt, twirling the fabric carefully between his fingers. A small yet loving gesture to let you know he was there. He'd always be there. Holding your half drunk beer brought back a memory Bob didn't want to remember. It wasn't a fond memory or one he’d necessarily like to ever talk about again. But for some reason holding your beer watching Jake try to make his move on you just brought the memories flooding back, like a brick wall had fallen on top of him.

*******************************

Woody’s Tavern was the place to be. It was where the majority of the naval academy cadets chose to spend their free time. Drinking away the pain for fitness tests and long gruelling days learning how to operate navigation systems, perform Clarence dives and just in general learning how to be Navy men and women. You of course were no exception to the rule.

“Bob, it's a friday night, it's a long weekend, there's no classes on Monday and we don't have another exam till wednesday week!” working to fix your earring you reminded Bob who sat at the end of your bed looking at you like a love struck puppy dog you'd just kicked in the face. “Let loose will ya?”

“It's just not my thing, you know that.” It was Bob's turn to retaliate, reminding you that this was him you were talking to. Bob. Robert Floyd. “I'd rather just, not.” Bob explained briefly. He wanted to tell you that you looked beautiful, that the dress you wore looked nice, respectable yet fun at the same time. He thought the colour made your eyes pop, but that it didn't take away from the fact your smile was the one thing that he couldn't get enough of. But he settled for something that he knew would be low key, that would keep him under your radar. “You look nice though.”

“Thanks–” it made your heart flutter, in fact it skipped a beat as the butterflies in your stomach took off into a million different directions. You were smitten and he didn't even know it. The heat in your cheeks rose as you tried your best to cool your face before turning around to face Bob. “You still okay to pick me up though?” you asked softly, making sure the offer still stood. Bob finished his phone out from his back pocket as he stood, making his way over to you as he turned the ringer off silent, turning the volume up as loud as the device would allow him to do so.

“Just call me when you're ready.” The moment between you and Bob lingered in silence as the gap seemed to be almost nonexistent. Your eyes roamed his face, his body. The simple T-shirt he wore that hung off his chest so perfectly. His eyes roamed your face, your body. He was well and truly fucked if you didnt feel the same way about him, he knew that. So to say nothing was better to say something and risk losing you all together. The friendship you shared was worth more to him then you'd probably ever know. But something bold told him to question why you were looking at him the way you were. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” You asked, caught out as you shook your head for a second, collecting yourself. “I wasn't lo–”

“You were looking at me! You had a look in your eye!” Bob chuckled as he watched you grab your shoes, a friend picking you up to take you over to the tavern, charlotte.

“Well even if I was you were looking at me too!” you sassed back. “So I don't know what that's all about but whatever it was, it won't happen again.” you rolled your shoulders back. You'd almost been caught red handed literally longing for Bob. a close call.

“Yes ma'am Radar ma’am.” Bob teased as he saluted you, falling back onto your bed. Staying the night so he could keep an eye on the most definite drunk version of yourself that he’d be collecting at all hours of the night. “Just be careful, please?” leaning back on his forearms, Bob looked at you with a serious look in his eyes, suddenly a different vibe lingered between you as he stared at you, drinking you in. “Promise me, what’s the safe word again? Peaches or peechay or something to do with peaches? Isn’t it?” You didn't say anything as you pressed your lips together, holding your purse to your chest, debating whether or not it was a good idea to go for it or not. Throw all corrosion into the wind and let Bob know that you'd come back to him.

Maybe it was the few shots you had to pre game the night, or maybe it was just the fact you loved Bob with all your heart but just couldn't say it. But you were walking closer to where he was sitting on your bed, leaning in and over to give him a gentle kiss on the cheek. Rubbing your thumb over the shade of nude you'd left behind from your lips.

“I'll be fine, but I promise I'll be careful.” stunned into complete silence and shook at what you'd just done. Bob's eyes lit up in pure joy. Coughing to clear his throat a little before he responded in broken english. Forgetting how to speak, how to breathe all at the same time from a simple gesture. “Peachy—I’m just peachy'' is the safe line.” You reminded him.

“Uh, good–yeah um, I'm glad we’re uh, we’re on the same page then.”

“I think we are, aren't we?” you asked. You hoped Bob was talking about the page where you both had mutual feelings but were both too scared to say anything. Not the page where you'd be careful on a Friday night out with friends. “Right?’ asking again as your unanswered question lingered in the air as Bob struggled to take his eyes off you. Opting to do the same thing you'd done just seconds before just slightly more ballsy and way out of his comfort zone. Leaning in to kiss you softly, Bob's lips melted with yours. His hands coming up to cup your checks, the pad of his thumbs softly rubbing your cheeks. A few seconds he'd remember for the rest of his life if this went south. Pulling away slowly, Bob feared opening his eyes. But when he did and he saw you looking back at him trying so hard to hide a smile so bright, his heart grew so much bigger.

“Yeah, yeah we’re on the same page.” Bob whispered. Watching as you stood, fixing yourself up as you made your way to your door. “I'll be here when you get back!” he smirked, leaning right back on your bed, getting comfy.

“Wish you were coming with me!” you cooed. Standing in the doorway. “Sure I can't tempt you?” Bob to this day regretted his next sentence, all he had to do was say sure and everything could have been avoided. Bob liked to tourtue himself over it. A sense of guilt always stayed with him, even years later. He had a chance.

“I'm good, really, maybe next time.” nodding softly, you accepted Bob's stance.

“I'll call you later.” you smiled, shutting the door softly as Bob watched out your bedroom window as you got into Charloots ute. Sighing heavily as he tried to process what just happened. A definite turning point in your friendship would soon be overshadowed by regret and guilt.

********************************************

The night had been going great, you’d been enjoying yourself. Letting loose. You felt like you hadn’t had the opportunity to just forget everything in a long time. The liquor was flowing and flowing fast. The music was pumping, the company was great. You felt like you’d had a real chance to relieve the incredibly serious, incredibly difficult immense pressures you carried above your shoulders. The incredibly toxic mustard shit that was the naval academy. You’d given just within an inch of your life to pass that advanced navigation exam and like fuck were you not going to let your hair down.

But picture this, let me set the scene for you. A game of pool had caught your eye, your whiskey sour slightly spilled over the lip of your glass as you handed it to Charlotte. Taking the pool cue you eyed your target, leaning over the table as you went to shoot your shot, a hand slid up the back of your leg, hovering over your arse. It had your heart pausing, instantly a sudden flush of heat overcame you with fear. Shooting your shot as you stood. Turing to see who was touching you so inappropriately.

“Radar—“ E.T smirked as you leaned back against the pool table. His body was uncomfortably close to yours. You could smell the alcohol on his breath. See the lust in his eyes. “You look great—“ so you’d been told, Bob was probably asleep by now. You wished he was here.

“Watch where those hands fall Leo before I break every last metacarpal in them.” Leo Ward. Call sign E.T because god was he otherworldly in his ability to do anything less than ordinary. He was an exceptional cadet, a fine pilot but he was a pig of a man. It was point blank, black and white knowledge. “I would back all the way off if I were you.” You hissed through gritted teeth.

“C’mon now Radar, you’re here for a good time, I can show you a good time.” Your face contorted in disgust. “Robert not around?” E.T look around for Bob who was usually glued to your hip. Two peas in a pod.

“You’re the last person on the planet I would give it up for, especially after this.” Pushing past Leo you sighed as he smirked. Walking back over the were Charlotte stood completely dumbfounded as she handed you your drink.

“Holy shit—“

“Don’t.” You mumbled into your drink, sinking back the liquor in one go. “Just Don’t—“

“E.T’s fucking plastered.” She chuckled. “God what a pig.” Sipping her own drink you felt a shiver run up your spine. “Should we go? I think I’m done for the night anyway—kinda don’t want to stick around and see who his next victim is if you know what I mean.” Charlotte sighed, knowing Leo probably wasn’t capable of understanding the word no at this point. As you watched him eye you down from across the tavern, you agreed.

“I’ll call Bob.” Fishing your phone from your purse, you hit Bob's name in your phone. ‘Other Half’ holding it up to your ear as the dial tone rang. It didn’t take long for Bob to answer. His voice deep and comforting.

“Bob's taxi service, how can I help you?” Bob teased as he let out a yawn. You couldn’t help but to bite your bottom lip to stop a smirk from plastering your face.

“Can you come pick me up?” You asked softly. The night coming to an end. E.T’s inappropriate behaviour just ruining the mood for you. You were over it. Done.

“Ah, are we done letting loose are we?” Bob sat up, looking for his shirt in the dark of your room, having fallen asleep in the comfort of your bed. “I’ll be there in five.”

“Okay, see you soon?” You replied, holding back the anger and frustration that laced your tone.

“Hey, you alright?” Bob questioned, your tone blunt and sharp as you caught the sight of E.T staring at you. Eyes hungry. You needed to get out of there. “Renee?”

“Yeah, I’m alright, just wanna come home.” You shook it off, remembering that going home meant getting to be with Bob. Something had shifted between the two of you and you were excited to see where things would go. The alcohol in your system suppressing the anxiety of potentially ruining the best friendship you’d ever had. “See you soon, okay? I’ll wait out the front with Charlotte.”

“I’ll drop her home on the way back, see you soon.” Bob was quick to finally find his shirt, shoving it over his head as he grabbed his keys, rubbing the sleep from the corner of his eyes before rushing out to where he car was parked.

Placing your phone back into your purse you lost sight of where E.T had gone, perhaps he’d left? Shaking off the unnerving feelings his presence had left you, you let your hand fall to Charlotte's shoulder as you leaned in.

“Hey Bobs on his way, I’m just gonna go to the bathroom real quick and I’ll meet you outside!” Shouting over the music into Charlotte's ear, she nodded in response. Making your way through the busy tavern full of people you knew with familiar faces at every turn, you pushed open the bathroom door. It was empty. The three stalls all open and unoccupied. Choosing the middle stall you did what you needed to—emptied your very full bladder with a sigh of relief. Your head spinning from all the different liquors you’d consumed. After tonight you’d made a mental note to not mix your liquors.

Footsteps approached the stall beside you but you didn’t think too much into it. Wiping, flushing, fixing yourself up the best you could on slightly wobbly legs, you opened the stall, making a directed line for the sinks to wash your hands. Only to have two rather muscular arms wrap around you from behind. Your first instinct as fight or flight kicked in, you screamed, a hand cupping your mouth shortly after the muffle you, silence you.

“Shhh, shhh easy Radar, you wouldn’t want to ruin the run now would you?” You caught the sight of him in the mirror as you stilled, looking at him through the mirror as he looked back at you. E.T. “Just wanna have a little fun now that we're alone.” Removing his hand from your mouth slowly, Leo let his hand fall to your chest. You froze in fear. “See, now we’re having fun.”

“I don’t wanna do anything with you—“ you whispered through tears. E.T didn’t listen as he pushed you forcefully against the nearest wall. The back of your head smacking harshly against the tiles. “Leo stop—“ you begged. Again, he didn’t listen. His hand coming to squeeze your cheeks together as his other roamed your hips, slowly but surely making its way between your thighs. Fear hitching in the back of your throat.

“I just think that, if you really are gonna fuck your way to the top of the class, wouldn’t you want to fuck someone who could possibly raise your social status? Not some library dweller who probably doesn’t even know where to put it?” Leo smirked as his hand shoved your dress up to your hips. You tried to fight him off but in terms of strength? He dominated. “I’m serious Radar, no one takes you seriously with that bug eyed back seater.” Leo hissed as he started to undo his belt. His hand coming down from squeezing your cheeks to wrap around your neck. Choking you as he restricted your airways. “But me? We’d be unstoppable together, a power couple—“

“Leo, st—stop!” You cried out under the pressure of his hand around your throat. “We—talk, let’s talk!” Throwing you down to the ground, Leo grabbed your wrist above your head as his knees spread yours. Hovering over you as you squirmed. “LEO!!”

“I can make you cum, like nobody else has.” You wanted to throw up. “Not Bob, not anyone.” Leo hissed as he kissed your lips. Shaking him off you didn’t expect him to headbutt you out of rejection. Blood dripped from your nose as your head throbbed. Knocking on the door filling the bathroom.

“Renee you in there?” It was Bob, you knew it was Bob. Unbeknownst to you, E.T had locked the main door, only after having placed a makeshift out of order sign on the door to deter others away. Before you could respond Leo had his hand cupped over your mouth. Smirked Maniacally.

“Just me Rob, don’t even sweat it brother we’re just having some fun.” Leo leaned down to whisper in your ear. “Say yes or I swear to god I’ll beat that fucking guy into nothingness the second I’m done with you.” You knew Leo would, his eyes were so unapologetically dark as he removed his hand. “Aren’t we, Radar?” You hesitated as you let tears fall free.

“Yep! I’m just peachy!” Your voice hitched as you felt Leo’s lips on your neck as his fingers pushed your g-string to the side. “I’m just—just peachy!” You hoped, no. You fucking prayed Bob remembered, but hearing nothing in response you hope diminished quickly. Maybe Bob had been blinded by Jealousy to remember you’d never do anything to hurt him.

“Lover boys all gone now Radar—it’s just you and me.” Leo kissed your collarbone. “Can’t get enough of—“ it came out of nowhere. The door completely ripped off its hinges as Bob shouldered it with his entire being. Crashing into the bathroom with a thud, Bob was quick on his feet as he saw you under Leo in a complete mess. Crying, shaking in fear.

“What the hell, Ward!” Bob shouted as his hands balled into fists, tackling him off you. Straddling his waist as Bob laid into him, one punch after another. Robert Floyd had never been in a fight before, but for you he’d do anything. Blinded by pure unconditional love. “She said no! Didn’t she!?” Bob shouted, holding Leo’s collar. “Didn’t she!” Spitting a mouthful of blood out Leo chuckled before he answered.

“She asked for it the second she put that dress on and you know it, because I know that you know, you were thinking the same fucking thing.” Leo hissed, his teeth stained with his own blood. Bob threw him down. Standing as he left Leo bloodied in the corner of the bathroom. Looking around for you. His knuckles throbbing. You’d run out the second the door was open, flight overpowering fight as you ran through the tavern straight out into the car park. Bob's car was a beacon of safety as you ran straight for it.

“Renee!!” Bob shouted after you as you slid down the side of the passenger door. Of course he fucking locked it. Carefully and ever so slowly Bob reached you, kneeling in front of you as he reached out to cup your cheeks. Flinching for a second you welcomed his touch. Eyes so distant it was like no one was home as Bob tried to catch your gaze. “I’m here.”

“I didn’t want him to touch me—“ you whispered. Sobbing as you tried to hold yourself together. “I didn’t want him to touch me.” You repeated again as Bob nodded, validating you.

“I know, hey—look at me?” Bob cooed. His thumbs working to rub your tears. “I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you ever again.” Bob promised. In that moment Bob knew he’d never drink and he’d never not join you at social events. He’d keep you safe. “Your nose looks broken, best case just really swollen?” Bob assessed the damage as carefully as he could. “I think we need to get you to the hospital, just to make sure everythings okay?” You didn't respond to Bob as he stayed kneeling before you, the rocks of the gravel digging into his knees. “Maybe get the police involved, leo should be ch–”

“No police.” Your head lulled to the side in defeat. “It’s Leo Ward, nothing will happen to Leo Ward.” It was common knowledge that although Leo was an absolute pig, he was the commissioner's son. “I just wanna go home” Bob knew that to argue with you now would probably be the worst thing he could do. He wanted you to feel in control. Although he wanted to make sure you were okay? He'd try again later. Nodded as he helped you up, Charlotte had sent you a text to say she’d gotten a ride with Ben. You didn’t talk much after that night. If she’s come with you maybe Leo wouldn’t have had such an opportunity. And the rumours that spread like wildfire across campus didn’t help.

“Okay, yeah, let’s get you home.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

Complete and utter silence fell between the two of you in the car on the way home. You couldn’t find the energy to speak, you didn’t want to speak. It wasn’t that Bob didn’t want to talk he just didn’t know how to ask, he didn’t really want to ask either because I do that any word would want to hurt you too sick to your stomach.

As soon as Bob pulled up into the drive he watched to slowly get out of the car. Like a zombie a part of you was gone for good. Locking his car Bob followed you inside, when he heard the sound of running water and sobs that held more anguish than he’d ever like to imagine coming from the bathroom? His heart broke just a little more. Pushing the slightly ajar door open Bob saw you in the shower, fully clothed, completely submerged in the water that fell from your shower head. Sighing, he pressed his lips together. Kicking off his shoes and removing his shirt.

“This is what we're doing huh?” Bob sighed to himself as he stepped into the shower. Standing behind you as you cried. His hands resting on your shoulders letting you know he was here. The moment bobs hands touched your shoulders you gave in, your legs weak as you collapsed. “Shit—“ Bob gasped as he came down with you. His legs falling either side of you as you leant back into his chest. “Hey, easy—I got you, I got you.”

“I fucking hate this.” You cried out. “Why? I didn’t ask for it I wasn’t even doing anything I just—“ you felt like you couldn’t breathe. Bob worked to hold you close, listening to you cry. Bob didn’t know what to do except console you, holding you close, your back against his chest. “This god damn hell of a world—“ you sobbed uncontrollably, anger bubbling to the surface as you let everything out. Bob couldn’t stand to see you so hurt, so vulnerable.

“Let me tell you something you already know, alright?” Bob worked to move the hair that clung to you like glue. “The worlds not all sunshine and rainbows, it's a very mean and nasty place.” Bob cooed softly as he held you. The water running over you as your sons settled at the sound of his voice. Always a comfort. “And I don't care how tough you think you need to be right now but it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.” Bob didn’t want this to change who you were. He knew it would always stay with you, but he didn’t want it to change a single thing about you. Your smile, your laugh,the way you lit up any room. “Life hits hard but it's about how hard you can take the hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward.” The silence lingered between you and Bob as the water rushed over you. The back of your head resting against his chest. “I know to you, it probably feels like the best thing for you to do right now would be to stay silent, lay low, process everything. But if Leo can so easily do this to you he could very much do it again and again and if i'm being completely honest? He's probably gotten away with this already.”

“I know i have to tell someone but i just cant right now Bob, i'm tired, my head hurts, and all i want to do is sleep.” You sobbed, sniffling as you grabbed Bob's hands, gently pulling them into your eyeline. Letting out a hiss as the hot water washed the grim from the bloodied knuckles he wore. “I didn't say thankyou for coming.”

“You don't need to thank me.” Bob let his head rest against the tiles of your shower, accepting the fact he was completely soaked and not going anywhere anytime soon. “Just doing what I was taught to do.”

“What would that be?” you questioned as you picked up the soaked washcloth from the ground, working to dab Bob's knuckles as he hissed softly. The sting all too real. Bob wasn't sure if now would be a good time but he didnt know how to stop himself.

“I uh, nows probably not the most appropriate time given the circumstances but um– i was just trying to protect you because i think– i love you.” You kept dabbing away at Bob's knuckles as your heart skipped a beat. Bob shifted in his place behind you gently as he sat up a little straighter. His chin coming to rest on your shoulder. “You don't have to love me back, I think I'd just be happy having you in my life, but please try and remember that I will never let anyone hurt you ever again and if anything I'm sorry I just didn't come with you in the first place.” Bob's voice was soft, sincere and apologetic. “I don't think I'll ever turn down an offer to go anywhere with you ever again.” you let out a soft chuckle as you admired your work, Bob's knuckles as clean as bruised knuckles could be after bare knuckle boxing something's face. “I'm sorry.”

“You are the last person who should be saying sorry Bob.” Robert Floyd was a good man, that much you knew for sure. He was kind and caring and was the most sincere soul you'd ever been blessed to know. You loved him. Working to push yourself off the ground before Bob followed, you stood to face him under the water that fell from your showerhead. “I'm not ready to talk to the police about this yet, but I will, I just dont wanna become another statistic that's forgotten about on some shelf until it's too late.” Bob's heart broke for you knowing that more often than not, that's exactly what happened.

“If I have anything to do with it, Leo won't graduate.” Bob added. You smiled as your hands fell to his chest. Bob's arms resting against your hips. “God if he shows up to class on Tuesday ill–” you didn't hesitate to interrupt Bob with a gentle kiss to his lips. Pulling away a few seconds later.

“I think I love you too.” you cooed. Bob couldn't remember where he was going with what he was just saying, maybe that was your plan. If it was, it worked because Bob had his lips back on yours and his hands cupping your cheeks in seconds. Slowly melting away with you as you deepened the kiss, tongues dancing gracefully together as Bob begged for more of you and you begged for more of him. As things started to get a little too heated you pulled back. “I think I just need a little time.” you explained. Bob nodded in response as he tried to regulate his heartbeat. Kissing your forehead, Bob pulled you close as he wrapped his arms around you.

“We have, so much time.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~

Tags: @kkrenae @lexhalstead3 @justanothermagicalsara @luckyladycreator2 @milesrooster @a-serene-place-to-be @marantha @red-undead-raptor @shanimallina87 @sarahjoestewy-blog

[lavenoon]

Conjunction (~9.9K)

More menace4menace, based on @naffeclipse's Bloodstain Fool with the og detective au by sunnys-aesthetic!

Plays after the first doodle comic, and after Falling Into Orbit, but before Asterisms

—

“Got your target?” 

Sighs sound different without any breath involved, you’re learning. 

You’ve been following Eclipse for a small distance already, waiting for him to say something, to no avail. It’s not that you’re quiet about it, so you don’t think it’s a matter of not having spotted you yet - and his reaction to your question proves it. 

Eclipse turns.

You grin. 

Half lidded golden eyes glow even brighter with the sun starting to set behind the urban horizon. Not a true sunset yet, but darkness is starting to settle between the high rises. The lighting is gorgeous, and unfortunately, it’s rubbing off on Eclipse. 

And that, in turn, reminds you of your impulsive compliment just the other day. Is it worse that you still mean it?

At least you don’t have to think about it for too long, thanks to his sparkling personality.

“Why are you following me? Can’t you take a hint?” 

Ah. That’s why he ignored you for half a block. 

You try not to let it get to you. It’s not the easiest task, waving off the rejection from the only person you somewhat know and who knows about you in this time, but you’ve had a bit too much practice putting on an act anyhow. You shrug, grin just barely strained.

“We have a saying for hints, a wave with a fencepost.” 

The tired expression morphs into a scowl, one you’re a bit more familiar with. Now he’s confused - and that’s enough to soothe your wounded ego. Enough to make your grin genuine again, and then worse. 

Eclipse’s glower evolves in parallel. 

“Are you going to elaborate or not.” 

Well, you can be gracious. 

“You could throw the whole fence at me and I’d duck to look at a ladybug.” 

It’s likely that the only reason you notice his hand twitch is because it’s just barely below your eye level. Tall bastard. The movement draws your gaze, but when nothing else happens, you tilt your head back up. 

He’s no longer looking at you, eyes still narrowed as he stares off into the distance. His voice is quieter, too. 

“A fence is about the only thing you could dodge.” 

There’s a deja vu when he shifts and just walks away, except this time you do have other options. You still follow him. 

“I answered your question, so? Did you catch them? Why target, anyway?” 

As much as you want to keep an eye on his expression, unfortunately you’re too uncoordinated by nature and tripping on the uneven sidewalk is too much of a risk if you aren’t looking. Still, you spare him another prying glance he probably doesn’t see before focusing downwards. 

“Curiosity killed the cat.” 

“And satisfaction brought him back. So?” 

“Him?”

Eclipse actually slows, his optics already on you when you look up to check. Not hostile, for once, but still confused. You shrug with a lighthearted smile. 

“Or her. Either’s good. But I’d like my satisfaction, please.” 

Just to emphasize, you make a grabbing motion with your hand, palm up. And trip over a loose tile in the pavement. At least you don’t fall - but the inelegant floundering isn’t quite helpful in your endeavor of figuring out Eclipse’s job. 

He’s no longer looking at you when you regain your balance. 

“You’re awfully sure there will be satisfaction involved.” 

“Your mysterious deflections are only making it worse for you, you know?” 

Again, a sigh. Either the low rumble of static is just part of an animatronic’s sigh, or he’s starting to get grumbly again. Given his disposition, your bet is on the latter. Thin ice, then. 

Watch you stomp on it to find out just how thin. Maybe that’s why they call it ice breakers. 

You skip a step, keeping even with him, and grin. Eclipse sends you a burning glare, as if in warning. But all too quickly he averts his eyes again, and then you have to speed up to keep pace. He’s not getting rid of you that easily. 

And your stubbornness wins out after another few steps, and another fleeting glare. 

“I’m a bounty hunter.” 

You hum.

“Oh right, that’s a thing.” 

This time, it’s Eclipse’s feet stuttering - but you don’t look up to see how your reply insulted him this time. It’s certainly less regulated nowadays than what you’re used to, and somehow, you can imagine him in that kind of field perfectly. Grumpy loner with ominous favors who also hunts whomever the finger of the law is pointed at. 

Maybe that explains the suggestion of a gun, too. 

Silence stretches for just a bit too long, so you end up glancing back up at his face despite the risk of tripping. He’s facing away from you, so that tells you nothing. Are you imagining the tension in his shoulders, or is he waiting for something? 

Looking up comes with other nice surprises too - there’s a few clouds starting to smother the orange of the sunset. Oh, you hope it’ll rain tonight. Falling asleep might be a little easier that way. Your sleep schedule has suffered enough. 

You focus back on the path in front of you, preventing any other tripping accidents. 

Given that you haven’t been sent away or glared at again, you decide to say something else. It might not be anything particularly smart, but that’s his problem. 

“I’m assuming it’s not like the movies. Worn Wanted posters, ‘Dead or Alive’, that you can dramatically rip from pin boards or something.” 

Eclipse looks back down to glare at you, just as the street lamps buzz on. More golden light all around, even more so with his pupils shrunken to pinpricks. 

“What movies are you talking about?” 

Bastard has no right looking this pretty. 

“Westerns, mostly.” 

That actually stops him in his tracks. In an attempt to remain aloof you continue walking, except - you have no idea where you’re going. You halt just a few steps later, turning back with the best innocent smile you can muster. 

You’re kind of glad his eyes are such an easy tell for his emotions - they’re narrow, but golden, and his pinprick pupils have once again expanded. He just looks tired, maybe annoyed. 

“It’s a miracle you even survived the week.” 

The snort escapes you before you can stop it. A miracle, after he so pointedly got involved? 

“Well, only thanks to you. Food and a roof over my head are some basic requirements that helped a lot.” 

You wink, just to keep the air light. It doesn’t do anything to stop Eclipse from scowling. 

“Stop that.” 

A widened grin, and a deepened scowl. Somehow, this seems to be your pattern. You shrug. 

“Just saying.” 

With another rumble Eclipse starts walking again, brushing past you without concern. You jump a step to get back into the motion, and then match his pace. Who even needs a workout regime if you have a grumpy animatronic to keep up with?

“I see you still haven’t learned to keep your mouth shut.” 

Despite the cutting words, you don’t feel like the tone quite matches that sharpness. Not friendly, mind you, but much less hostile than you’ve heard from him before. Laughter bubbles up in your voice, and you don’t care to smother it. 

“Bold of you to assume I ever will.”

The long suffering sigh you get in reply only makes you laugh harder. Though only for a moment, before a question is directed at you for a change. 

"How are you still dressed like that?" 

He gestures towards you, eyes on you as he waits. Though he doesn’t slow down at all.

You blink, and look down on your outfit. It’s certainly a choice to walk around in something that won’t be worn for another century, but then again… Your choices here are rather limited. And as far as you’re concerned, you’ll gladly wear familiar outfits rather than worry about buying new ones with money you don’t have. 

Eclipse only narrows his eyes at your shrug. 

"Would you believe me if I told you the stuff just shows up in my closet every morning?" 

Silence sure isn’t the answer you expected. You glance back up, head tilted, waiting for his judgement. After a moment of consideration he looks away. The noise he makes isn’t hostile enough for a snarl, but too grumbly to be a sigh. It is a concession, though. 

"Your anomalous existence affecting your surroundings should faze me more, but sure, why not." 

The defeat in his tone startles a laugh out of you, and you skip the step it costs you. 

"Yeah, same. I went inside, didn't go home. Not even Narnia." 

Ah, hm. Maybe you shouldn’t have said that. 

"Narnia?" 

Yeah, no, that is not a story you want to get into. You’re not even sure how similarly history will play out with animatronics around. Also not a topic you want to analyze further. So once again, you shrug.

"Wait a couple years, it'll make sense."

And if not, by then he’ll hopefully have forgotten about it. 

“I would hope you’re not just volunteering future information to other people.” 

This time the sharper tone is accompanied by a quick matching glare. Naturally, you wink. 

“Nah, don’t worry. You’re special.” 

The frustrated grumble is wordless, and you have to press your lips together to not laugh. But he does pick up pace again, and you hurry after him. 

Something wet hits you. 

You look up. 

The sky isn’t just night dark - it’s covered in heavy clouds, and just like that, the next fat raindrop hits your face. You blink. Another.

So you get your wish of a rainy night. Now if only you were in your bed, you’d be all set. Mild panic creeps up in your throat, and you run a few steps to catch up with Eclipse. 

“Uhh!”

Eclipse turns, frowning at your tone. But he does stop, which honestly? You didn’t really expect. So you take the plunge.

“Where are we?” 

“Where -”

His scowl deepens in record time as he looks around, and then his eyes are blazing even in the twilight granted by the nearby street lamp. Mostly the light illuminates the steady increase of rain hitting the ground.

“You followed me home. You followed me home?” 

Your first instinct is to smile again, though this time it’s a lot more wobbly than before. You didn’t think this through, at all. You didn’t even notice how far you were going, all because you were too focused on talking. 

Maybe you can find your way back, retrace your steps - but you’ve been following Eclipse for a while now, and even before that you weren’t exactly close to the boarding house. You’ve been wandering a lot these days, for lack of other activities, and now you’re looking at a good distance to walk. In the rain. At night. 

But maybe Eclipse knows a shortcut. It’s not like you have many options. 

“Uh. How far to the boarding house?” 

“Too far.” 

Quick way of shattering your hopes, then. You deflate.

In your periphery, Eclipse reaches out - but aborts the motion with a curl of his fingers. Just as you look he turns, instead waving over his shoulder. Yours are getting wetter by the second, and you see the matching darkness growing on his coat. 

“Follow me. You’re not dying without paying me back for that favor.” 

You’d hopefully just get drenched, but if that’s what he has to tell himself to help you’ll take it. Thinking about how much better he knows this city by night isn’t really helping your anxiety. You’ve been a duckling for this long, so there’s no reason to stop now. 

Somehow you just keep getting yourself into these objectively dangerous situations, huh?

For once, you stay silent as you follow Eclipse past the last block. There’s tension in the line of his shoulders and you’re pretty sure you’re about to owe him again. He doesn’t seem happy about it. You can’t blame him. This was avoidable, it shouldn’t have happened. Anxiety is churning your stomach.

Only when he takes a turn into a nearby apartment complex do you find the courage to speak up again. Your steps echo on the tiled floor, breaking the silence for you.

“You’re waterproof?” 

You can figure, given his lax reaction to the rain, but you’d feel better with the confirmation. Despite everything, animatronics are new to you, and you’re missing a lot of what would be considered common knowledge. 

Eclipse just glares, obviously not happy over having to state the obvious. 

“Do you think I’d be done in by a bit of rain?” 

Your shrug doesn’t feel half as cheeky as all the preceding ones. 

“No, but wanted to make sure.” 

Something in his expression shifts, so you duck your head. If you can’t see his annoyance, it can’t hurt you. 

Silence reigns. 

Eclipse turns on his heels, and continues down the hallway. You shuffle after him, chancing a glance back up at his back. 

Have his shoulders relaxed, or is that wishful thinking?

“Don’t you think I would have been more concerned about the rain if I wasn’t?” 

Some of the edge has left his voice, and unfortunately you immediately read into it. Your own shoulders drop with the relief as you follow him up the stairs. This is a worse workout than everything before. He’s so fast.

“I mean, yeah, but I prefer checking in with the expert.”

“Surprising enough that you’re admitting ignorance.” 

You can’t see his face, but his tone makes you picture an eye roll. Still annoyed, but the edge hasn’t returned. You crack a smile.

“I don’t know a lot of stuff. Would you like me to elaborate?” 

He steps away from the stairwell, and you notice just how high the ceilings are - but still only high enough to leave a few meager inches between his top most sunray and the stucco on the ceiling. 

Mostly, you’re just glad you only had to climb the stairs up one floor. He’s fast enough on even ground, where he doesn’t get to skip steps.

“Don’t.” 

With a grin you start listing things, eyes closed for posterity. 

“Physics, never had a good teacher. Social cues - no one tells you those rules, and I hate it. Taxes are nebulous too, even after I’ve started - ough.” 

You’re yanked back by your collar, and make an ungraceful sputtering sound. Shouldn’t have closed your eyes then - seems like you missed Eclipse stopping at his apartment door. But his hand lets go of your shirt as quickly as he’s grabbed you, and you’re left rubbing the spot where the fabric dug into your throat. 

Eclipse scowls, but there’s something new to it. His grin is wider than usual, just a bit. 

“When to shut up.” 

You test it, just a bit, and let your own smile grow. 

“I think that’s part of the social cues.”

His eyes narrow, but you don’t feel apprehensive. 

“The fences.” 

You nod sagely. 

“The fences.”

A huff of static, and he unlocks the door. A snort? You’re starting to get amusement without it being at your expense then, that’s progress. 

Stepping past the threshold makes your anxiety spike again though. With the room he got for you it was different - this is his space, and you’re only here because you didn’t pay enough attention. 

Well, also because Eclipse is nicer than he lets on. Or believes himself to be, maybe. You’re still convinced you wouldn’t have died walking back to the boarding house.

But it’s strange. Following him through the foyer, the coat and shoe racks are the only things indicating that anyone lives here. No decorations to the wall, no carpets on the bare floor, barely even any furniture in the hall. That’s a lot of wasted storage space.

The first thing actually indicating a personality for the place is in the living room. 

“A leather couch?”

There’s more furniture of course, dark wooden drawers and shelves, a desk covered in documents and a chair, and a high coffee table matching the couch. But somehow the obvious source of comfort is what stands out to you. 

“Easier to clean off.”

Comfort, huh?

Eclipse continues walking down the hallway stretching on beyond the room, but you halt with a frown. 

The dark leather on the large (Eclipse-sized) three seater looks well maintained even with the worn creases on one of the edge seats. Eclipse’s preferred spot, it seems. The furthest from the window, and with a good view of the entrance. A realization about as cheerful as his comment. 

You trace a deeper line on the armrest, bright where the leather broke.

“Ominous. Have they invented blacklight yet?" 

You hear rustling from an open door, and you don’t think he heard you. Warily you step away from the couch to follow. Probably best if he didn’t hear you, actually. 

Except he did, and his reply echoes from what you must now assume is the bathroom.

"Why?" 

The suspicion is evident, and you have no other option but to commit. Not that he sees the shrug, but it helps you remain lighthearted. He heard you all the way over there without issue, but still you raise your voice just slightly.

"I’m taking that as a yes. Even cleaned up, you'd still see a whole lot in blacklight. Urine, blood, platypuses."

The confusion echoes, too.

"Pla-” 

Eclipse ducks back out, stepping out of the bathroom with a scowl directed at you. 

“No. Don't do that here."

Shame, you almost got him with the platypuses. It makes not grinning very hard, and you fail much too quickly. His eyes only narrow further as he steps back into the living room, and then his hand is moving too fast for you to process. 

Fabric covers your head. You blink against the bright terry cloth, yellow from the light passing through it, then pull it away from your face. 

A towel - you aren’t even that wet. But what gets you more than the gesture is the sheer size of it. Nearly a blanket, really. 

“Something wrong?” 

The words are barely more than a growl, a storm just waiting to be unleashed. The question, not really a question - a dare. Seems like you look just a bit too taken aback. 

Honesty it is, then. Baffle him too much to be upset with you. You look back up to meet his glare head on, fingers still buried in the soft fabric, and blink. 

“I kind of expected red towels. White doesn’t match you.” 

Eclipse blinks, too, and for a breath his eyes are just wide and golden. Plan, success. But much too soon he averts his gaze, eyes narrowing as if on instinct. 

You want to see him relaxed more often. 

And where did that thought come from? Challenges usually aren’t your thing, and this guy is tougher than a rock with about as much emotional awareness.

Honestly, that might even be too generous an assessment. 

“Red can’t be bleached.” 

The response startles you out of your thoughts, and it takes you a moment to process. It clicks, just a bit belatedly - Eclipse has already brushed past you back into the hallway. 

“Oh.” 

You don’t leave the living room, but step closer to the threshold to the hall. Watch as he takes off the wet coat and hangs it up on the coat rack, nearly bunching up at the ground. 

Again you raise your voice.

“Thank you.” 

The glare hits harder from the dark hallway, but it doesn’t faze you. You’re getting desensitized.

“I told you to stop that.” 

You stick out your tongue, then cover your head again and towel your hair dry, just a bit. Plausible deniability in terms of disrespect, or something. Mostly hiding from retaliation, given that you’ll disappoint him yet again.

“I won’t stop saying thank you if you keep helping me, that’d be rude.” 

“Don’t test me, I’ll kick you out.” 

As expected, his tone is sharper than your knife collection. Though, to be fair, you got yours for the looks, and not for their functionality. 

“I don’t think you will.” 

You pull off the towel just a bit, holding on to it as you look up to where he’s scowling. But angry as he looks, he’s not making any move towards you, remaining more than an arm’s length away. One of his, too. 

It’s a gamble, daring him to go through with his threat - but if he wanted to get rid of you, he really wouldn’t need to threaten it. From the start he hasn’t tried particularly hard to make you someone else’s problem. Your police bluff couldn’t have been that convincing, unless he’s really worried about involving them, and just running for a block would have shaken you off easily. 

He’s not as uncaring as he wants you to think, and unfortunately for him, you won’t play along.

You blink, ending the staring contest, and his shoulders drop with a static huff.

“You’re a walking headache. Dry off, I’m not dealing with a sick you.” 

It’s hard not to smile, so you just hide it behind the towel and a ducked head. You’re still pretty sure you earn a glare for your quiet snort, even though you try to cover it up with a cough. 

Pulling down the towel you unfortunately see the next issue.

“Uhh? Eclipse?”

Where did he disappear to, anyway?

“What?” 

Your drawn out hum doesn’t seem to incite any confidence, because he stalks through an open door back into the hallway.

“What?” 

You grimace.

“So, uh, the bleach? You might need that. Usually the dye washes out without issue, but that’s with the cleaning stuff from a hundred years in the future, so…” 

The frown deepens as confusion starts to weigh on him, and he steps closer. You pull the towel away from your neck and hold it out. The red and purple dye spots are faint, more orange and pink respectively, but definitely visible, and you really should’ve thought about that before. It’s not like your hair was that wet either. 

Eclipse stares. 

You swallow. 

No reply. 

“I’m sorry -” 

Faster than a cobra his hand darts forward, and snatches the towel from your grasp. You fumble just a bit as he drags it away from you, holding on out of instinct before letting it pass through your hands. No rope burn for you today.

Without sparing you another glance, or even the chance to gauge his expression, he vanishes back into the bathroom. An insistent clank makes you jump, and then he reappears with a dark static brewing in his eyes like a storm. His pupils flicker ever so slightly, but you don’t get the time to really look. 

A new towel is flying your way, and you scramble to catch it out of the air before it hits the ground. 

You blink. 

“Don’t stain it.” 

When you look up, the door to what must be his bedroom slams shut. You think the doorframe vibrates, even. 

It makes no sense. The old towel was fine, and if he doesn’t want them stained, why give you a new one? You could go grab the other one, making sure this one won’t get dripped on, but after what felt like progress his reaction to the stains throws you off. Risking the dark eyes isn’t really on your agenda for this unorthodox sleepover. 

Wrapping the towel around your damp shoulders instead, you step backwards until you hit the leather of the couch. Kick off your shoes, and then curl up on the seat closer to the window. 

It’s going to be a long night. 

—

You don’t know how late it is when the door to Eclipse’s room opens quietly. Definitely late, long past your bedtime, but your mind is too restless to grant you any reprieve. 

Golden eyes find yours in the darkness, and the tall shape that is your reluctant host steps into the hallway. You turned off the lights earlier, feeling more comfortable in the darkness, so the only sources of light are his optics and the faint illumination from the moon and street lights reaching through the window. The light doesn’t reach him.

“You’re still up.” 

Huddled in your towel blanket, you shrug.

“Can’t sleep.” 

The rain outside has trickled away to nearly nothing, and you’ve spent the last few hours lost in thought as you watched the raindrops race down the glass of the window. 

Eclipse remains in the hallway, where the faint light from outside won’t reach. You still see his eyes narrow, bright as they are.

“I don’t have any bedding.” 

“It’s not that.” 

He shifts, but it’s too dark for that to tell you much. 

“Ah. I didn’t expect you to be that prudent. I wouldn’t trust me either.” 

You should have figured he’s being an idiot. The glare you send his way is probably the worst you’ve directed at him so far, and the glow of his optics disappears for a moment as he blinks. 

“I’m not you. I was trying to figure out what I did wrong with the towel, not waiting for you to come kill me while I sleep. What the hell am I supposed to do if you decide to do that, anyway?” 

There’s hardly anything you can do to stop him if he decides he’s had enough of you. Your only reassurance is his continued inaction despite all your pestering. Well, and the fact that you refuse to default to that kind of paranoia.

Still frowning he steps forward, just into the space where the moonlight dips into the hallway. Just that amount of light is enough to let you see the confusion evident on his face. 

“... The towel?” 

“You got angry.” 

You don’t like how quiet your voice is. But any louder and it would crack. 

So instead you just duck slightly, resting your chin on your knees. The perspective and your hair should hide most of your face. Maybe you pull the towel tighter around you, just a bit. It’s warm, offering just a bit of a shield. 

Eclipse takes half a step forward, though you hear it more than you see.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. My reaction had nothing to do with you.” 

That makes you look up. If he wasn’t mad at you for staining his towel, then why was he mad? 

“Then why?” 

Confusion furrows your brows as you right yourself. Eclipse dodges your gaze much too quickly. 

“I won’t answer that.” 

Given the reaction and now his tone, you’re starting to wonder if you even want to know. In any case you don’t feel like pushing him further on this, not tonight. You can let it go.

“Okay. But you’d tell me if I did something wrong?” 

That part is important - and actually earns you another static snort. This time the narrow eyes aren’t angry, more a squint. Amusement. Back on track. 

“Little star, have I hesitated to criticize you before?” 

The bluntness makes you laugh, just a bit. You quell it quickly, but the smile doesn’t leave. Relief floods through you, and you feel more at ease. 

This time when you rest your head on your knees you don’t look away from him. 

“Good point. Why are you still up? Don’t you have to, I don’t know, charge some time?” 

His shoulders rise, and that is an answer in and of itself. Right, he thought you’re “prudent” for not trusting him. Of course he’d manage to think of you as a threat. 

“Ah, right. I could come into your room and kill you. Somehow.” 

“Nothing personal. But I won’t trust you on principle.” 

Your sigh hopefully tells him just what you think about that. Still, you decide to let him off the hook. And besides, you’re already talking, neither of you planning to sleep, or otherwise rest, so maybe you can have a little fun. 

You extract a hand from your cozy cocoon to pat the couch. An invitation.

“Can’t blame you for that, I guess. Will you sit with me then? If neither of us is going to sleep.”

Eclipse frowns as he follows the motion with his eyes. Warily, he takes one step closer, into the dim lighting of the living room. The line of his shoulders relaxes just a bit, and then he closes the distance to the couch in resolute steps. 

He does sit down in his spot, and you can’t even take the space between you two personally. Not when he looks so out of place looking back at you. 

“And now?” 

You huff, smile crooked where it’s pressed against your knees. 

“I don’t know. It’s been a while since my last sleepover, and I don’t think you have a bottle to spin. We could play truth or dare.” 

For a moment, his pupils flick away from you. But just for a breath - and then he relaxes against the backrest, settling into it.

“You go first.” 

You perk up. 

“Wait, really?” 

One eye narrows, the other remains wider, and it gives the impression of a quirked eyebrow. At least, that’s how you choose to interpret it. The amusement in his tone speaks for it, too.

“A free pass to learn more about you and how you got here, and you don’t think I’d take you up on that?” 

Snorting actually hurts - you pull your head down on instinct, knocking your nose against your kneecaps. Enough of that, then. You readjust just a bit, leaning into the crook between armrest and backrest. It allows you to face him more easily too, and you don’t hide your grin. 

“I’ll pick truth, then.”

He doesn’t even hesitate.

“Why would you trust me? Follow me?” 

You don’t know which time he means - which honestly just makes his question all the more relevant. For now you’ll answer for both, can’t go wrong with that. 

“I didn’t really have a lot of options. And you haven’t made me regret it yet.” 

He frowns. 

“That’s reckless.” 

You shrug.

“Sure is. Truth or dare?”

Best to move the game along. You can see he still wants to argue, but there really isn’t more to it. He’s helped you whenever you needed it for as long as you’ve known him - sure, it hasn’t been many times, or for long, but a hundred percent is a hundred percent. Grumpy or not. 

There’s a moment of silence, and then, like pulling teeth, his choice. 

“... Dare.” 

Shoot, now you have to think. That’s the downside of these games, having to come up with questions and dares yourself. There’s not a whole lot you can ask him to do, given that this is his apartment and you don’t want to overstep. 

Unless… 

Your grin grows instinctively as the idea takes hold. Eclipse’s eyes narrow in suspicion, but you voice your dare before he gets to backtrack.

“Let me thank you, without being grumpy about it. Accept it.” 

Golden eyes blaze before narrowing back at you.

“Wha-” 

You squint, channeling your strongest little shit energy. 

“Backing out?” 

Even in the darkness you can see his expression twitch. It’s not what he expected, but pride forces him to let you go through with it. Pride, and the fact that he probably still has questions he wants to ask, and can’t end the game prematurely.

His tone does little to hide the strain, and you nearly laugh. 

“No. Go ahead.” 

Perfect. You straighten a little, as if that will help reflect that you mean it. Even with the dare, you don��t think he’ll actually believe you, but it’s the best you’ll get without being glared at. 

“Thank you, for letting me stay tonight. And for getting me a room. I would’ve been majorly screwed without you, and I appreciate you cashing in a more lucrative favor to get me settled.” 

The lemon face is back. You’re trying very, very hard not to laugh. 

“You usually say ‘You’re welcome’ to expressions of gratitude.” 

If his face looks like he’s bitten into a lemon, yours now looks like you’re trying to be unaffected by a sour candy. You’re pretty sure your eyes are tearing up from the strain of keeping the laughter down. 

“You’re welcome.” 

Words near dripping with disdain. You'll have to watch out for a puddle later, or you’ll slip.

You duck your head, hiding your face behind your knees again. Only this time you’re shaking with silent laughter. 

“You sound like I’m holding you at gunpoint.” 

Your voice warbles ever so slightly in amusement, and you’re not surprised when Eclipse cuts to the chase immediately.

“Truth or dare?” 

He has questions, and you’re not sure you want to invite retaliation. Easy choice.

“I’m scared of the dares you’d come up with. Truth.” 

Eclipse tilts his head, settling with a click. The suspicion isn’t new - in fact, it’s old enough to give you an inkling of what his question will be.

“What do you know about how you got here?” 

Bingo. Unfortunately, there’s no prize to win, and you just sigh. You’ll have to disappoint him. 

“Answer is absolutely nothing. One moment I’m back home, taking a little walk, I blink, I’m here and looking at a whole ass animatronic. I’ll give you a do over if you want.” 

There’s a yawn creeping up on you, but you don’t want the game to end. You stretch your arms over your legs with a hum, hoping the tension will cover up the tiredness, and then relax again. 

There’s a flicker to Eclipse’s expression that you can’t read, but then he sighs, too. 

“No, an answer is an answer, satisfying or not. Truth.” 

That’s barely better than dares, just on the other end of the spectrum. Dares are hard to come up with, whereas with truths… There are so many things you want to ask him, about this time and this world and about him and - 

You hum, trying to stall for time, and scrunch up your face deep in thought. Maybe you need to approach this practically. For now you’re living here, so perhaps it’s good to learn about some rules you simply know nothing about.

“What do I need to know about animatronics?” 

“That’s a broad question.” 

Fair point. But he doesn’t sound inherently against the question, so you decide to elaborate. Maybe that will help him answer.

“I’ve been fumbling for over a week now. I just want to avoid obvious mistakes, things I shouldn’t mention, things not to ask. Like if you’re waterproof.” 

For a moment he squints, amusement sparking in his eyes. But then he looks away, expression falling into something more thoughtful, and he hums. 

When he meets your eyes again, his expression is hard. No trace of amusement left.

“Don’t ask about assignments before the revolution, before we had rights. It’s been twenty years, but too many humans still believe it was better then. Do not imply we should submit to that again.” 

A revolution, huh? Of course things couldn’t be peaceful. It’s good to know about it, you figure, though you also can’t help but think that not knowing wouldn’t have been that much of an issue. It's not something you would have assumed blindly, and thus nothing you would have brought up. Maybe asking in and of itself was the faux pas you wanted to avoid.

Still, you want to go back to the lighthearted air you had going for you just before his answer, so you shrug.

“Well, that’s easy. ‘Don’t be a dick to people’, I can do that.” 

“‘People’?” 

That's a weird emphasis. Bad weird emphasis. 

You crack your eyes open again, with a bit more effort than it should take you. Then again, it’s late. Then again, you already abandoned your sleep schedule for tonight. 

Eclipse is frowning at you, and you have no idea why.

“Uh, duh.” 

“We’re not human. And you can just accept that?” 

You match his frown, if for different reasons. 

“Why are you arguing against your personhood after just telling me not to do that?” 

Silence and a deepening scowl are the only answer you get. You stare for a moment, but when it becomes clear he won’t elaborate, you sigh. Sounds like this runs deeper than you have the brain cells to spare tonight.

“I don’t know your history. I came here, and you helped me. That’s all I need to know you’re a good person.” 

“I’m really not.” 

There’s more gravel in his voice than in a good quarry. He’s still being difficult, and you’re a bit too tired to be gentle about your questioning.

You huff, barely dodging another sigh through spite alone.

“Do you want to be?” 

Squintier and squinter, and then he’s avoiding eye contact again. Of course. 

“It’s not your turn to ask.” 

You throw your head back with a groan. It’s frustrating, not getting a straight answer. But “an answer is an answer, satisfying or not”. You’ll take it, and just hope the rest of the game will be more fun.

“Ugh, fine. Truth.” 

Eclipse seems to be out for revenge now. His tone is still sharp, and you can’t say you’re a fan of his line of thinking.

“How are you so cheerful here? You lost all you know.” 

Stating the obvious there. Whether purposeful retaliation or not, you figure you can look past one unfortunate question too. 

You rest your head on your knee again, your cheek squishing almost uncomfortably. 

“Yeah, but I also escaped late stage capitalism trying to kill everyone’s future.”

There, that’ll do. Except a snappy reply won’t really bring back the fun of the game, and only makes both of you feel awkward. 

Maybe… maybe you do have a way to turn this conversation around. The smile comes automatically, small as it is.

“I do miss my sister though.” 

“You have a sister?” 

Surprise softens his tone. Seems like your little redirection worked even better than expected. You widen your grin then, thinking about how Eclipse would react to meeting her. 

“Yup. Menace. She’s younger, but taller. Honestly, if you can’t handle me, she’d wreck you. She has a knack for sniffing out insecurities, and pulls no punches.” 

You stretch, humming along. It does little to dampen your amusement, and you squint at Eclipse. His eyes are still narrow, but much more relaxed than before. Amused, maybe? He relaxes against the backrest again - you didn’t even notice him straightening. 

“... I see she learned from the best.” 

Your laughter is more a bark than anything else, and you slap your hand over your mouth quickly. Who knows how thin those walls are, and how many sane people are actually trying to get some sleep right now. 

With the volume control back in place you do allow yourself a chuckle though.

“Student surpassing the master, if anything. Your turn.”

His eyes wander, moving away from you, and then he’s staring out of the window. You glance back, too. The rain is starting up again, a gentle background noise. 

“Truth. Don’t make me regret it.” 

You untwist your spine to look back at Eclipse, finding yourself late to the party. His glare doesn’t feel hostile, but it does remind you that there was something else you’ve been eager to ask. And while you’re already on the topic… 

Time to figure out whom Eclipse doesn’t hate. You spare him a smile, aiming for a reassuring look, but the way his shoulders slump in resignation you don’t think you succeed. 

“No fun in you ending the game early. Who's 'not everyone'?” 

The quotation marks are more a suggestion from underneath the towel, but you don't care. You trust Eclipse understands - and he does, because he looks down. Almost melancholic. You don't know if you like it.

“... I have two brothers.” 

A blink. A small part of you is intrigued by the technicalities - family by choice, but how so? Without blood in the way, when really all you have is choice, how does a family find together? 

But even though it’s not about any revolution as far as you’re aware, this just screams insensitive question. So instead, you let excitement take over. 

“You have brothers?” 

As your grin grows, his frown deepens. 

“Why is that so sur- why are you looking at me like this.” 

The couch isn’t the bounciest, but soft enough to let you swing forward. You land on your hands, splayed on the leather of the unoccupied middle seat. Eclipse actually leans back, surprised by your sudden approach, or maybe put off by the mischief promised by your smile. 

“Younger or older? Shorter or taller?” 

At least he relaxes again, though not without his expression twisting into annoyance.

“... Your priorities are off, little star. And it’s not your turn.” 

“Consider it a follow up. I need to know for science!” 

You bounce once, insistently, and nearly laugh when you see it reach Eclipse. Scary scary bounty hunter, moved by your shenanigans. 

“... Science.” 

He says it just as the couch settles again. Too much fun. You bounce again. 

“Younger or -” 

“Little brothers.” 

“Ahw man.” 

You’ll keep the bouncing tucked away as an effective method of getting him to talk. Whether or not it’s just to keep you from talking is a secondary concern. For now, you groan in mock frustration, and push yourself back again. Your back hits the armrest, and you tuck the towel close again. 

You huff, and Eclipse tilts his head slightly as he squints at you.

“Why are you disappointed?” 

As you explain you wiggle a bit, shifting your legs into a position that doesn’t hurt your stiff knee. 

“I have this theory of younger siblings outgrowing their older siblings. Though I guess with you in the mix I’d seriously be concerned for your brothers’ heads.” 

For a second, you imagine it. Two more animatronics, even taller than Eclipse. Given that you know nothing about them so far, your imagination supplies you with two more Eclipses, somehow looking even grumpier as they flank the already grumpy Eclipse of your mind. 

The real Eclipse isn’t any more cheerful in his reaction.

“... Do I have to tell you that animatronics don’t grow?” 

Animatronics are not early two thousands robots, you forgot. 

“... I might have been thinking of a movie again.” 

At his groan you press your lips together tightly to avoid laughing. You’re pretty sure if he had a defined nose bridge he’d be pinching it. 

“You’re incorrigible. Truth or Dare?” 

You know what, you’re feeling daring. 

“Hit me with a dare.” 

Eclipse is much quicker than you in choosing dares, and you don’t like this stormy expression. 

“Show me your shoulder.” 

Your brows furrow on instinct. Your shoulder? Which one? Why? 

“Huh?” 

There’s no change to his expression, but he does elaborate. 

“The one I hurt.” 

Now you blink. That was over a week ago, and you haven’t even paid attention to the bruises. They’re gone, probably. You think. Moving around hasn’t hurt after the initial soreness wore off, and you don’t like the thought that he’s that hung up over an accident. 

“It was barely anything, really. The bruises all faded.” 

Still he won’t let up. 

“Show me.” 

No way out then. Though no one said you have to be happy about it. You peel yourself out of the towel blanket, and then push away the fabric from your shoulder. 

In the dark, you can’t see shit. Maybe the bruises are gone, or maybe they’re just too faint to see. Without thinking you raise your finger and test instead, poking around where you remember Eclipse’s fingers digging in. You don’t get far before a larger hand wraps around yours, immediately pulling you away from the exposed skin. 

You blink at Eclipse. His eyes are wide, flickering to something darker in the corners, and his hand twitches around yours. He snaps to the movement, as if unaware of his own actions, and then rips his hand away again. 

“Don’t do that.” 

He sounds like he’s hanging on by a thread, and you don’t think you want to know what happens when it snaps.

His sudden departure after learning he bruised you back at the boarding house. The strain in his voice then, and now. And, for a second, you think about the towel again. You don’t know how it relates to the bruises, but his eyes looked like this earlier, too. 

The dark static calms somewhat, though he glances back at your shoulder for a moment. There’s no better word for it - he slumps in his seat. 

“I’ve seen enough.” 

You spare him one more wary glance, then sigh. 

“I didn’t see anything, and the touch test was negative too. You can stop feeling guilty.” 

No reply. You get started on restoring your layers of comfort. As you pull up your sleeve your eyes fall on your hand again, and you think about how big Eclipse’s is in comparison. You knew, he even grabbed your head before, but just like then you can’t let it go.

On the one hand, you would have liked some more time to actually process what his hand feels like. On the other hand, you’re mad at yourself for thinking like that. 

Eclipse seems eager to move things along. His eyes may have brightened, but his voice still hasn’t. 

“Dare.” 

You hum. If you don’t know how to reassure him your best course of action is to ignore the weirdness entirely. Maybe one day you’ll figure out his deal with bruises. Maybe not. For now, not your circus and not your giant monkey. 

“Ah, hm. Give me a moment, I need to think.” 

There’s a brief pause, but then, slowly, almost hesitantly, Eclipse huffs. 

“If I wanted to, I’d take that as the dare.” 

So he’s fine with trying to keep things lighthearted. He doesn’t want to linger on whatever that was, either, and it strengthens your resolve. Said resolve may involve a lot of silliness, but he’ll have to deal. 

“Shush, or it’s going to be something stupid.” 

Just for posterity you scrunch up your face in thought, then tap your toweled finger against your chin. 

Never looking away from your antics, Eclipse relaxes further. He leans back against the couch, even going so far as to rest his arm on the backrest. For a second, you believe him. Except then you notice the way his fingers are digging into the leather, and his careful projection shatters. 

“Your last dare was stupid.” 

You do have to admit he’s trying though. Unfortunately for him, you just had an idea, and it’s entirely self-serving. Well, maybe it’ll distract him, too.

“I don’t want to hear that from you. Show me your hand.” 

A blink. 

“My hand?” 

“Yeah, like this.” 

You grin as you raise one hand from your cocoon, splaying the fingers in the air. Eclipse looks on, tilting his head as if he’ll understand you better from a different perspective. From the way his frown twitches you don’t think it’s helping. But he does mimic the motion, glaring first at you and then at his hand. Slowly, hesitantly, he holds out his hand in the space between you two. 

No time to lose. You scoot closer, and press your palm against his. He jerks back, but you only stretch further, following the motion. 

“Stay. You’re not grabbing, it’s fine.” 

He stills. 

A soft laugh escapes you, now that you have the time to look. His hands are proportional to his body, which is to say they’re ungodly huge. 

Not that you mind. 

“Oh, big. I mean, I knew, I saw, but the side by side comparison sure is something.” 

Eclipse tilts his hand, and you move with him. There’s a twitch that you ignore.

“You’re just tiny.” 

Again you scoot closer, and extract your other hand too. Again he starts, but then you’re already pulling his hand closer. He lets you. 

Absentmindedly, you prattle on.

“Look - okay, I can’t argue, I’m short even by human standards - wait! I think I’m actually pretty average in this day and age!” 

One hand you keep on his, just so he doesn’t get any ideas about the dare being over. With the other you trace the lines on his palm where the casing is broken up to allow for movement. You move towards his thumb, the indent of the lower joint and the upwards, brushing past the rougher shell of his fingertip. Worn down from all the grabbing he does, for who knows how long. 

You’re so lost in thought, you nearly miss his quiet retort.

“That doesn’t matter.” 

It takes you an embarrassing amount of time to remember just what you were talking about, but then you huff. 

“Because you’re big.” 

The moment is over, and Eclipse’s patience runs out. He pulls his hand back and leans away from you, out of reach. 

“Shut up.” 

Despite his glare he still doesn’t sound hostile. You stick your tongue out at him, then shuffle back against your cozy nook. 

“No, I’m choosing truth.”

The question comes much too quickly after another glance at his hand. 

“Why aren’t you scared?” 

You freeze. 

The anxiety you’ve managed to keep down rears its ugly head again, churning your stomach, and you pull the towel tighter around you. Duck your head, even if you can’t escape his gaze. 

Sometimes, silence is answer enough. He understands.

“You are.” 

Try as you might, you don’t think he buys the nonchalance of your shrug. Still, you have no other option but to continue the act. 

“Pretty much always, yup. You get used to doing things despite it.”

There’s a pause, the silence weighing heavy as you wait. Turns out you’re not off the hook yet. 

“You had a follow up question earlier.” 

Part of you wants to sigh. So you do, even as it turns into a yawn halfway through. Tiredness is starting to win out over the anxiety, so you look back up.

“Shoot.” 

There’s an expectant hum in the air. Not like the intentional ones, more like the soft sound from old TVs. Well, old for your time, not this. Eclipse weighing his words, perhaps. A click, and he speaks.

“How scared are you of me?” 

Ah. That probably shouldn’t surprise you as much as it does - from his perspective a valid concern, and of course something that would occupy his mind. After his very first question tonight, it just makes sense.

But he doesn’t understand what you’re scared of.

“Not as much as I probably should be. Not as much as you think I should be, anyway. Mostly just on principle - you’re bigger, stronger, and one of few people who even knows I’m here.” 

No one who would miss you, or bother looking for you. You were lucky to meet someone who isn’t interested in making you disappear, not even to make his own life easier. 

Someone who knows societal rejection first hand, too. 

Anxiety quells, and you breathe easier. You relax against the backrest of the couch, accepting that you’ll have to peel yourself off later.

“I’d probably be more scared if you were human, actually.” 

The tension you expelled is the tension Eclipse soaks up, it seems. His shoulders harden into a straight line, and his eyes narrow.

“That makes no sense.” 

Earlier you thought you’re getting desensitized against his glares. Right now you’re just way too drowsy to care. 

“Does it? I’m not really a human humans in power like. I’ve got things ‘wrong’ with me that don’t even have names yet.” 

You take in a breath, barely concealing yet another yawn. The quotation marks you mimic with your fingers are about as energetic as your tone, so you can’t be sure he even notices. 

For a moment, Eclipse just stares. But then he too sighs, and his shoulders drop again.

“I don’t doubt that. I’ll concede the point, I have no reason to antagonize you for who you are.” 

Even so, this isn’t the tone you want to end this conversation on. You smile, tired as you are. At least he can interpret your squint as amused, too. 

“Just for how much I’m annoying you.” 

And you got him. 

“So you admit you’re doing it on purpose.” 

There’s no fire behind his words, and you chuckle softly.

“Never said that. Plausible deniability is my friend.” 

His glare actually makes you laugh. It’s overly dramatic, and you’ve seen him be scary - this is so far from it. Maybe if you hadn’t been playing a silly little game for the better part of an hour you would be more inclined to be properly impressed, but now? Nope, no can do. 

You sink a little lower on the couch, and your cheek squeaks slightly against the leather. Ough.

“One last round for you? I have one more question.”

Your enunciation is slowly but surely saying goodbye. Lack of sleep is catching up on you. 

But for now, Eclipse indulges you.

"Truth."

"Why did you help me?" 

If he can wonder just why you aren’t appropriately terrified, you can wonder just why he cares. Coincidence is the only thing tying you together, and that doesn’t actually seem like a big enough incentive for him.

He sighs again, turning a bit where he sits. Drapes his arm over the backrest again - no more need for distance then. Or maybe it’s just more comfortable. He’s not even looking at you, rather past you, out of the window. The rain is still pittering away. 

"My reputation at the station is bad enough as is. Didn't want you running into either of my brothers telling them how I abandoned you."

What crumbs of energy you have left let you perk up at that implication.

“Your brothers are cops?” 

“Yes. Don’t call them that to their faces.” 

You snort. If you ever meet them you’ll have to remember, but for now you can’t help but abuse that newfound crumb of power.

“So that's how to get you to -” 

The hand you so thoroughly inspected before now covers your entire face, and you laugh against it. There’s not much to see - the bit of light passing by his palm is barely enough to make out his fingers. 

Though you didn’t get to sniff it before. If you were any more awake you might refrain, but right now you’re tired and his hand is right there. Given that you need to breathe, not smelling is harder than just giving into the impulse. Heavy and metallic, but mixed with something sweeter - some of it the leather, almost earthy, and some of it you don’t recognize. 

At least he doesn’t seem to notice what you’re doing.

“Shut up. Don't even try.” 

There’s something else you might try. Your impulse control is so dangerously low.

He’s not holding on tightly right now, barely even holding rather than just covering, but you’re not sure how well-advised it would be to translate your impulses into actions. 

… Did he even wash his hands earlier? 

Maybe you can distract yourself.

“Can you imagine though? ‘Hi everyone, I’m from the future, and also I met this grumpy animatronic who wouldn’t help me out. Name’s Eclipse, anyone know him?’. Makes me almost sad it was a bluff.”

“You were bluffing?” 

Can’t make bad decisions if the temptation is out of reach. Eclipse pulls his hand away, just so you can see his wide eyed glare in all its glory. 

You manage a satisfied grin despite your eyelids weighing all too heavy on your eyes. 

“Oh, thanks, my next idea was to lick it and I don’t think either of us want that.” 

For a moment he stares at his hand. You’re glad you’re looking, because you notice the near imperceptible shake of his head before he drops it again. Your laugh is barely more than a tired huff. 

And yet, despite all that interesting bonus information, he hasn’t actually answered you yet.

"That's not really it though. That bluff came way later. Why not just dip when I started screaming?" 

Again that half squint, leaving one optic wider. Sardonic, maybe. 

"A human in hysterics and the bounty hunter with a violent reputation. What do you think people would have assumed?"

That sobers you up, too. 

"Oh. I'm sorry." 

"Don't be. It's out of your control." 

He’s no longer looking at you. His back is against the couch, and he looks off into the room. Not at anything specific, you don’t think. Just staring off into space. Maybe pondering some what ifs, too. 

What if you hadn’t appeared in front of him. What if right now, he could be charging in peace, being owed by someone who can actually pay up, and who won’t antagonize him at every turn. 

You shrink in on yourself.

"Still, I've been causing trouble for you from the start."

Silence settles between you. It’s heavy, but your eyelids are heavier, and sleep might just win even against the fresh wave of guilt. 

The moment stretches, and then golden lights find you again in the darkness. 

"It's not all bad." 

For someone who doesn’t believe in friendship he’s doing a shit job of keeping you at a distance. How can you not read into that? 

"Yeah?" 

Amusement sparks, even as the lights dim as he squints.

"I've learned many interesting things already. Like platypuses being fluorescent under a Wood's lamp." 

A squeak, or a huff - you don’t know what your laugh resembles more. Eclipse is still squinting.

You stretch again, but there is no stopping this yawn. If you’re already standing by your sleepiness, you’ll make yourself comfortable too. First you unstick your cheek from the leather, then let yourself slide down. The couch is big enough for you to curl up in the corner and rest your head on the armrest, the towel between the leather and your skin. Avoid the bad stickiness. 

Eclipse watches you silently, and you lazily blink his way.

“Don’t scratch the couch.” 

“Hm?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Hrm.” 

Whatever he means, you’re not in the mood to ask. Words are escaping you at record speed. Instead you close your eyes, shuffling closer into the corner.

“That can’t be comfortable.” 

Just because he can’t try. You’d shoot him a squinty glare if you had any inclination of opening your eyes right now. 

“‘m small, ’s perfect.” 

It’s comfortable, despite it being leather. The towel is a good barrier against the stickiness, and a warm little cocoon. Not as heavy as you’d like, maybe, but you don’t think weighted blankets have been invented yet. 

At least you have the rain as background noise. 

“The boarding house isn’t too far away from here, if you’re walking in daylight. I’ll map it out for you when you’re awake again.” 

Eclipse’s voice startles you out of your daze, and you jolt. Still, your eyes remain closed, even as you huff. 

“Not asl’p.” 

There’s a low rumble of a laugh, and you smile against your cozy nest. He should laugh more often. Maybe you can tell him a few good jokes, see if he likes any. Not now though. Enunciation is too hard right now, whether you’re awake or not. You totally are.

“Keep telling yourself that.” 

You don’t have the awareness to argue. 

Tomorrow. You’ll tell him tomorrow.

[blues824]

Imagen a female simeon from obey me with trey clover.

🍀Her being the mother figure that can bake and trey being the father figure that can bake them becoming the second parents of heartslabyul.

🕊️Trey learning he is dating a litarl angel from heaven and them both taking care of o short person with anger issues.

🍀They both have the Patience of a angel but the simion mc is a literal angel.

🕊️Luku kicked ace his shins for calling him names and disrespecting the heartslabyul parents and simeon mc having to calm down luke while trey scolds ace.

I think I have a Trey obsession, but we’re gonna hold off on that until therapy.

Trey Clover

When the two of you met, you both realized that you were kindred spirits. You were definitely a motherly figure to not just Luke, but Ace and Deuce as well. Grim was definitely attached to you at the hip as well. To see you talking tenderly to the troublemakers even though they were causing a bunch of ruckus just made the baker’s heart beat harshly out of nowhere.

Even when Riddle wasn’t being too polite to Luke and the two got into a vocal altercation, you settled the argument by letting Trey deal with his Housewarden and you leaning down and explaining to the young angel (who no one knew was an angel) that rules were different and they needed to be respected even if you don’t agree.

Due to the ADeuce duo and Grim, who seemed to be set on the two of you keeping contact with one another, the two of you got closer and eventually in a relationship. The Heartslabyul students started affectionately calling the two of you ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ because of how much you act like their parents. You’ve even started calling each other ‘dear’, ‘darling’, ‘honey’, ‘sweetie’, and the like. 

The two of you baking is such an endearing sight. You have brought some sweets to a few of the Unbirthday Parties, and that’s where you explained that both you and Luke were from a place called the Celestial Realm. Trey wanted to know more so started asking a few questions, and came to find out that you are an archangel and Luke is studying under you as a young angel.

Well, this actually made a lot of sense, as you were patient, kind, offered guidance when needed most… the list goes on. However, he would have never guessed that Luke was an angel considering how he is now currently kicking Ace in the shin for calling him ‘chihuahua’. The two of you rushed over to resolve the issue.

Trey took Ace aside and said that it was against the rules to bring shame upon Heartslabyul while you consoled Luke. Then, the two parents of the dorm (you and your boyfriend) forced the two to apologize to each other. Sure, this was disrupting the unbirthday party, but Riddle actually didn’t mind. He, along with most of the other students, enjoyed seeing the first year putting aside his pride and ego to apologize.

[evajellion]

SMRPG AU where Smithy wins

OKAY HERE IT GOES-

So hypothetically, let's say Mario, Peach and Bowser just completely vanish after Exor crashes down. Either they straight up died or got isekai'd to Smithy's realm by accident, idk I will let the rest of you figure it out.

Years and years pass, Geno can't really get the Star Pieces without Mario and co. so… Smithy just, straight up takes over Star Road and lets his minions do whatever.

Here's what we thought up-

Smithy: Bowser's Castle was nice, but after learning what the Star Pieces did, Smithy went directly to the source and took over Star Road himself as its new overlord. He built an entire factory around it and over the years, is now known as "he who grants wishes".

Of course, much like the main villain in "Wish" (terrible movie btw), Smithy only grants wishes that he likes. He ignores wishes that are selfless or relevant to one's family, and only grants stuff relative to wealth, gain, or wanting to win.

It's less out of malice and more out of ignorance, really. He doesn't see any value in wanting things that have no material value or glory.

Mack/Claymorton: After ambushing the castle, Mack became the new ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom, but he said the name was stupid and changed it to the Claymore Kingdom.

There are, a lot of parties, almost every week. He's a complete tyrant who threatens and torments the Toads to the point where the Chancellor actually wishes Bowser would come back. If he gets bored? He decides to wage war on another kingdom "for fun".

He's getting an ego about it too, which some joke is just "him compensating for his size".

Bowyer: Honestly no one has any clue what Bowyer does. Some treat him like an actual forest cryptid that haunts the maze because he's been in there so long. People who enter the forest now never come back.

Bowyer doesn't understand the concept of killing anyone really, so it's not like forest intruders are dead. He just thinks it's fun to play "freeze tag but you're frozen for good" with anyone who comes by. Essentially, it's all a hunting game to him.

He probably views all his immobile visitors as trophies more than anything else.

Yaridovich/Speardovich: Eventually, he succeeds in duping someone to fight Jonathan and takes the Star Piece for himself. Smithy grants him his promotion and he is made mayor of Seaside Town, and he is a captain of his own crew of Drill Bits.

Jonathan is none too happy about this and makes beef with Yaridovich every day over what he had done. Jonathan prides himself on being a good fighter, but unfortunately, Yaridovich fights dirty.

Eventially, Yaridovich made a habit out of pirating other incoming ships himself. He wonders if doing this will get more promotion from Smithy, but… Smithy seems to have been ignoring him.

Axem Rangers: After beating up the Czar Dragon, Smithy suggests they take care of Nimbus Land since it's "uncomfortably close for his liking". They immediately make themselves known by exposing Valentina's lies and kicking her out, inadvertently making them heroes.

Axem Red and Pink take a lot of pride in removing Valentina and being adored by residents of Nimbus Land, but Black isn't happy with it at all and wants to go back to causing chaos. Green is neutral about the whole thing.

Axem Yellow meanwhile, managed to turn Dodo to their side simply by calling the large bird a "good boy" and giving him legumes as a treat.

Boomer: He's the shogun of Bowser's Castle, but nothing more. He guards Exor as he always did, and commands Smithy's Army, striking down anyone who dare cross his lord.

However, he isn't exactly happy with his position. He knows not to question Smithy, so he just… remains quiet about it. At the very least, he's humored by Axem Red's new heroic personality.

But he also fears if Red will turn on Smithy since he's so bent on appearing as "hero" for Nimbus Land. Boomer dad moments. :')

Exor & Count Down: Stationary. Exor is happy but Count Down seems bitter he cannot do more, he's kind of stranded and stir crazy.

Cloaker & Domino: They moved out of Smithy's dimension (much to Count Down's further frustration/loneliness) and settled into Marrymore for… obvious reasons.

Smithy doesn't mind so long as they can distribute. Domino quickly took advantage by becoming the most well-known medicine/potion seller in the land, kinda like Fairy Godmother. Excuses to depict Domino in sexy business glasses for my one friend who thirsts for him lmao.

Factory Chief: A second factory was built up in Star Road, that Smithy had taken charge of, so the Chief is now fully in charge of the old one inside of Exor! He's pretty happy about it.

The Director's son (because he has one for some reason?) is also working in the new factory while his father, the Clerk, and the Manager remain in the old one with the Chief. They all seem very happy, but the Director's son wonders if what Smithy is doing is right…

Gunyolk: Not used to having brothers. He was created by the Chief exclusively, and is now being mass produced, but… he liked it when it was only him and "papa".

Hypnosis Priest: She resides in Star Hill, discarding of wishes that Smithy tossed out. Essentially, she turned the entirety of the Mushroom Kingdom into a cult that worships Smithy as their Star Road overlord, with her as the leader of it.

And that's all I got, hi, feel free to throw anymore suggestions!!! :D

[nonbinarydeity]

This is important, pls read!!

Do it your own way

So you all know that you already have what you want. This is something that's been said again and again in the community: it's already yours. This understanding is THE MOST IMPORTANT because it dictates whether or not you get your desire. The moment you realize it's already yours, you'll get what you want.

This is one version of reality.

Let me say that again, this is ONE version of reality.

The problem is the language we use. "Have to", "must", "this is how it works". There are SO MANY ways to manifest. You can Assume, you can Believe, you can Trust, you can Attract, you can Decide, etc. All of these ways are not only VALID, they are also all TRUE at the same time.

We are all experiencing reality differently. Every single one of us has our own ego, so different things are going to work for different people. The point of all of this is to free people, not drag them down.

Yes, things might work in one way for some people, but there is no reason to hate on another group just because their rules are different. The difference in the rules actually HELPS different people to manifest.

I personally have been a part of this community for a while. I've been a part of the affirm and persist camp, I've seen success from it. I've been a part of states, I've seen results from it too. I've turned within and realized that things are more spiritual than they seem, and I've gotten some results from that. We are all different, and anything can work.

There is no one way to manifest. Do you know what's better than that? YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF THE WAY YOU MANIFEST. You can do it however you want to, it's all up to You. I feel like this particular message isn't said enough. You make it easy or hard for you. You make it fun or a chore. You can Decide how you do it entirely, and you can choose a way that works best for You.

Now, a message sponsored by me:

This page has been documenting my whole journey through all of this, and you've seen me change and learn new things. I may not have shown it as much, but I've had my downs as well as my ups with all of this. I personally am still deciding my personal way of manifesting, but I definitely feel like spirituality would help me massively. I definitely don't feel like a "scientific" type of manifestor, I feel like there is so much more to the multiverse than what we see.

Be prepared for this page to start turning in a more spiritual direction. I may begin to talk about deities, higher selves, tarot, spell work, etc. I may also start keeping more things to myself, as this will be my practice and no one else's, but I'm definitely going to be sharing my journey with manifesting in this way!

I hope many of you are interested in what's to come! Who knows, you all might get some spell charged subliminals or tarot readings out of it 🥰

Never forget to do what feels best for you. This is your story, write it the way you want it to turn out 💕

[4dkellysworld]

Self-realization vs derealization

I saw an ask @adadisciple about derealization and thought I'd add my 2 cents here as I have experienced derealization in the past and might be able to offer a bit more insight. I didn't want to reblog that ask for personal reasons and also the response is really long. Disclaimer: I am not a therapist either, my thoughts are based on personal experience alone so take whatever feels right and leave the rest. Also I can't speak from the perspective of full realization as I am not there yet but hopefully this helps in some way.

When I first found non-dualism, I also had similar concerns as someone who had experienced derealization, I thought: was this another thing that was going to induce it?

Let's start with the definition (thank you Google) for those reading who may be unclear:

Depersonalization/derealization disorder involves a persistent or recurring feeling of being detached from one's body or mental processes, like an outside observer of one's life (depersonalization), and/or a feeling of being detached from one's surroundings (derealization).

From personal (human/ego) experience, this condition is purely of the mind and body with blocked awareness (? not sure if this is correct terminology, I am not talking about pure awareness in this case but more mindfulness*) and is often just a symptom of another mental or physical condition/illness such as depression/anxiety etc. The mind and/or body are just completely detached however, there is clouded awareness (due to the mind/body) and you just feel like you are existing and floating around. You very much still feel a part of the world and identify as such (although feeling detached & disengaged) even if you have lost faith in everything you feel as real. It's sort of hard to put into words but if you have experienced derealization too, then hopefully you can relate and understand what I am getting at. When I experienced it, I didn't know of any truth. I just lost faith in the world and didn't know what was real anymore. So, I was completely checked out.

*Mindfulness is paying full attention to what is going on in you and outside you, moment by moment, without judgment. (thanks Google)

Ada made a really good distinction here (I suggest reading the full ask)**:

The point of this all was to let go of concepts, let go of believing in things, investigating their validity, experimenting. Disbelieving you are Vanessa and denial are not the same thing. Denial is when you deny reality to something you're already giving reality to. Disbelieving was meant as an experiment, you never thought yourselves to be anything but this body, what will happen if you did?

**Actually, re-reading that ask made me realize maybe a reblog of an exercise I recommended is not the best since it instructs denial of what ego believes to be real instead of disbelief and experimentation (eep, Vanessa is still learning and evolving!). See my edit on this post :)

Here is another relevant and helpful ask by 4dbarbie:

I don't teach to do anything to the 3D, not even deny it. Not seeing the world as it is, is an aversion to it. - Lester Levenson Your 3D is right and perfect, what you see is what you are so even if you're seeing what 'you' don't want, the 3D is not wrong in being what it is. Fearing it, trying to manipulate it, lying to yourself about it being something different - all useless and vain attempts. See it as it is and it will fix itself. And no, being delusional is not good, it leads you not to trust your own judgment OR senses. Which is not right, why shouldn't you? What is wrong with your vision? Being delusional from your ego self is really harmful, someone could be abusing you and you would go "i'm sure that's not right he loves me so much in my 4D!!!"

So lets clarify the distinction:

Derealization = denial of everything while still identifying as the ego (and the world as reality) although not wanting to => ego experiences confusion/chaos/mental condition/disorders

Self-realization = disbelief of current reality concepts => letting go of such concepts and quieting the mind => experiencing the true Self (the creator of the mind) => permanent identification with Self, not imaginary concepts (including the ego) => Knowing Reality, and therefore realizing full peace and freedom

Now let's move onto practicing non-dualism. The basis of the practice is let go of thoughts, quiet the mind and focus on being awareness/I AM. It is all about letting go, not denial.

From a non-dualist perspective, derealization is just another mental concept/creation. When the mind is completely silent (and sustained) and pure awareness is realized and embodied, when Self is your permanent identification, when you (Self) know you are not your body not Vanessa feeling dissassociated from mind & body or just intellectually knowing it from learning concepts (important distinction!), it is not derealization, in fact it is the only reality, the only truth.

I have experienced short moments of experiencing myself as the pure witness where the mind was completely quiet and those short moments felt so peaceful, whole and true. There were no feelings of derealization in that moment because there was no active mind then. Right now, I do think my ego feels a bit derealized at times but this is because I have not fully identified with Self yet and it is also because my sense and understanding of reality is in the process of being recalibrated on this journey. When this happens, I sit in silence and go back to the one truth 'I Am' and feel myself into it and everything else melts away. The more you do this, the more you will feel the truth and peace until it becomes permanent (when you realize Self).

But no one can give you the whole truth but yourself.

Lester: Yes. However, knowing what you're telling me helps one let go of that obstacle of intellectual knowledge. I prod you in this direction, don't I? I say: “Don't believe anything. Start from scratch. Build up your knowledge on the solid foundation of proof, step by step.” Everyone must do this. Q: You can't take someone else's experience? Lester: Right, you would be working on hearsay, on what they have said, and the only useful thing is that which you experience. I relate it to driving a car. If I say I know how to drive a car after reading a book that directs you to turn the key on, start the motor, shift into drive and step on the gas, do I know how to drive a car? No, not until I experience it can I drive a car. It's the same thing on the path; we must experience everything. We must, of course, adopt the attitude that what the Great Ones say is so, that they have experienced it. However, you must check it out and prove it for yourself. And the basic Truth is that there’s only one Reality; there's only one absolute Truth, and that is that this whole world or universe is nothing but God, but better than that, is nothing but my very own Self. God could be far away; He could be miles and miles away in cosmic space, but my very own Self is right here, is something I know about, is something I can perceive, it is my very own Self! So, using Self as God is far more practical than putting Him out there, putting Him apart from us. But each one must start from the bottom and prove this whole thing for himself. As the proofs come, the more they come the more we accept until we experience the whole thing. - Lester Levenson, Session 11: Meditation with Quest - Keys to Ultimate Freedom

"And the basic Truth is that there’s only one Reality; there's only one absolute Truth" I literally didn't even read this excerpt before sharing it (searched the book for the keyword 'proof' because I was looking for another excerpt) but came to the same conclusion after practicing and experiencing it for myself. And that is what you must do if you want the truth too. Experience and then decide for yourself.

This perceived and experienced knowledge is the only knowledge that does us any good. We can read everything on the subject, but it doesn’t help. Our life doesn’t change much, and it doesn’t because we don’t integrate the knowledge into our beingness through realization. Realized knowledge is nonintellectual, although the means we use are intellectual. We use our mind, we direct our mind toward the answer, but you will discover that the answer does not come from the mind. It comes from a place just behind the mind. It comes from the realm of knowingness, the realm of omniscience. By quieting the mind through stilling our thoughts, each and every one of us has access to this realm of knowingness. Then and there you realize, you make real. You know and you know that you know. - Lester Levenson, Session 6: Realization - Keys to Ultimate Freedom

If you want to understand more about the process of realizing Self, I recommend reading my 4dbarbie remix post. If you have already read it, reread it, maybe even read some of the referenced posts/asks and see if you get any new understanding. Or better yet, just sit in silence and stillness, quiet the mind and focus on 'I Am'.

I must emphasise that in non-duality, letting go of the ego is the basic foundation of practice as it is very much a journey of self-transformation (this is just another concept to help the ego understand, but you are always, have always been and always will be Self, you just do not see it as you are currently identified as the ego).

If you (the ego) are not willing to do that, then come back when you are ready. It is not up to anyone to convince you to adopt this practice and way of life.

[bittybat28]

Ghoul HEAD CANNONS

(SOME NSFW stuff 18+)

(Warnings: some sex stuff, mentions of blood)

(I am surprised that people seemed to like my last one so here’s another because I have so many floating around in my brain!)

SWISS: Swiss is like that older brother who likes to trick others into believing things he’s made up. Like one time when Phantom was newly summoned he asked why they used to call Copia, Cardinal and Swiss told him Copia was actually a bird and would fly away during winter. It ended with Copia being very confused and consoling a devastated ghoul. Swiss got in trouble later on but he still thought it was hilarious! His favorite movie is Footloose and he knows all the moves! He can become overwhelmingly hyper to the point it’s hard to control himself and if he’s like this during sex, well you won’t be walking the next day, that’s for sure! He’s very affectionate and playful but there are times when he just wants to be completely alone. Swiss is always dancing. It doesn’t matter where he is or what he’s doing, those hips are moving!

SODO: Sodo is often times grumpy but like Swiss, he can get overly hyper in a pretty rough way! He especially gets like this during heat and he gets feral! He likes to perch on the couch like a gremlin especially when he’s interested in a movie they’re watching, especially if it’s one of his favorites like nightmare on elm street! He’s been afraid of thunderstorms ever since his transition from water to fire but his ego keeps him from telling the others so he spends nights like that in his closet curled up. His stuffed animal collection is very important to him and they all have to be positioned just right on his shelf. He’s been caught eating cigarette’s before by Copia and the two just stared at each other until Copia just backed away. He loves the smell and taste of blood so he’s got a definite blood kink in bed and will often times be rough enough to cause some bruising and bleeding!

Rain: Rain is pretty reserved compared to the others but that doesn’t mean he can’t be wild. If you let him outside while it’s raining, he runs and jumps like he hasn’t seen the outside world in years. He listens to ocean sounds at night and sometimes sleeps in the bathtub when he can’t get comfortable in bed. Aqua Marine is his comfort movie, I don’t make the rules! He loves doing puzzles and it makes him even happier when the others join him. He goes feral if his horns are kissed and if you play with his tail, he’s taking you right then and there! He suffers from migraines, especially after a long practice and he will submerge himself in the bath for hours. He may be a quieter ghoul but when he makes jokes, he has the other ghouls (even Sodo!) rolling with laughter!

Mountain: Mountain is like that one person who doesn’t say much but when they do, its the wisest shit you’ve ever heard. He gets achy because of how tall he is, always scrunched or bending down so if you want to show this ghoul some love, massages are the key! Forget-me nots are his favorite flowers, loving how tiny they are in his hands. He loves the Dark Crystal movie and will watch it over and over again. If you ask him what he wants to watch he’ll say it’s whatever you want but he’s too polite to say he wants the Dark Crystal. Choose it for him, he will be so happy! An angry Mountain is a very scary Mountain. Everyone quickly learned not to mess with him when he was having a bad day and Sodo ended up hurdling across the room like a discarded toy after scorching one of his plants during a spat with Mountain over dirt getting all over Sodo’s side of the couch. He is a cuddle bug and one way to rile him up is to straddle his lap and if he’s shirtless, trail kisses from his tummy, upward. He loves the feeling of your lips on his body!

PHANTOM: goth boy! Phantom loves old vampire movies, often stealing them from Copia. It seems like the majority of us agree that he loves bats and he has a big collection of books about them. His favorite is the black mastiff bat because they’re funny looking! He also loves being in the cemetery, a place he was often found hiding in after being newly summoned. He struggled and still sometimes struggles with his appearance due to his scars but words of affirmation and kissing his scars perks this guy right up! He loves being read to, especially when it’s Edgar Allen Poe stories. Phantom is very touchy. He wants to kiss and touch you all over every chance he gets. Tug on his shirt collar or pull him close by his belt loops and this ghoul is yours all night!

[ngaatee]

For the People Academia Breaks

Hey so I am going to get something off of my chest. Last year I got a postgraduate degree in philosophy and it was actually one of the most devastating experiences of my entire life.

I have always been someone with big ideas, and my favourite aspect of philosophy has always been the way that I can blend different ideas to address current issues, especially if something about those ideas sometimes veer into using my imagination. So when we got to choose our thesis topics, I jumped to do something ambitious, something impressive, something grand. And it was. I posed the following question: What would an African feminist ethic say about posthumanism and transhumanism as it pertains to the right to bodily integrity?

This question meant the world to me. It means the world to me. There was so much to get into, so many ideas, and so little published philosophical work on each section of the question. It was quintessentially me.

Ambitious, important and interesting. And I did fucking do it. I didn't get the high grade that I had hoped for, but I got a high enough average should I pursue further higher education, I had gotten a high grade for a concept I essentially invented and built from the ground up, and I had yet another fucking degree after a year plagued by illness, piss poor mental health, worse financial management and not a damn clue what I would do next.

I had also excelled in my other classes and so I was going to take the win and move on. I was in a space where what mattered to me was that I had what I needed for the next steps. Academia career, and somehow reforming education, those have been my goals forever, So I had my grades and set out to get reference letters and one person I asked was my supervisor. And that, dear reader, was when it all went to shit and my mental health sunk to a new low.

My supervisor and I had not had major conflict but I was ready to move on for a variety of reasons. I had tutored one of her classes and had reservations about her methodology and when opportunities for feedback came, I was as honest but diplomatic as possible. I was not the lecturer. When she became my supervisor I had looked in the guide and I had thought that she was going to be the right fit. But in some ways I always felt that my work was not my own, and often times my work became a site of ego. But it could have been worse so I was going to move on and take those lessons to do things differently next time.

So I emailed her, was happy to have the grades for a future in academia and asked for the referral. She emailed me and gave me unsolicited feedback and then openly stated that a section of my work "surprised her, and not in a good way". I will be frank, it disgusted me. I read it and my skin crawled because she had been a less than stellar supervisor, including being angered when I got an extension after my hospitalization, threatening to not even give me a grade, when the HEAD OF THE DEPARTMENT granted me one.

I was a star pupil, with the exploratory ideas to back it up, and consistently she undermined me and I forgave her every time because of how badly I wanted it. And then in the last moment, after I toiled on a thesis and made it through with a high GPA, she could not let me be happy. She could not let me rejoice that every single day last year felt like I was taking my dying breath, And she could not be the kind of supervisor that deserved my bright ideas, my desire to learn, my ambition. I was told that I should prep a version of my paper for a conference and she never had the time to help me, everyday there was an excuse, and I still made it, and she could not just let us be cordial and move on.

That thesis I did is my first child. I laboured, I read, and I thought it through, and I was willing to accept the imperfections that came in my crafting of it because it was powerful and meaningful. I am an African woman, concerned with how we understand our autonomy and our bodies and what that means in a greater philosophical context. I chose a thesis that meant something to me, and I used whatever philosophical building blocks I could to bring it together, and achieved a feat that people thought might be impossible for me. And I am damn proud of it. And in that email, my supervisor didn't care because she felt embarrassed or something.

I have spent a year being angry. How dare she? Especially since academia puts certain kinds of constraints on work and even with those constraints, I made lemonade out of lemons. In fact, I made lemonade out of rocks. And I have grieved and been sad and it has broken my spirit remembering the disdain in that email. And then the later email with the reference letter where I discover that after all this time, my supervisor knows nothing about me.

She doesn't know my worth, she doesn't know how much her class benefitted from having me as a tutor, and my fellow tutor too. She doesn't know anything that other institutions would love about me. Her colleagues do though. They gave me beautiful letters that reflected my passion, honesty, and integrity, and I felt seen. I wish that I had gotten one of them to be my supervisor, I just didn't know any better, it was a new university, a new city, with new people. But my thesis, my baby, would have been so much safer and cared for in their hands.

But I am not ending it like that. I have started to embark on a multimedia art project revisiting and expanding my thesis and I am explaining different philosophical and sociological concepts that are relevant to it as I go along. Because my thesis belongs to me. My ideas belong to me. And the projections of my supervisor, and the painful memories that are attached to it for me will not under any circumstances, end with her defining my thesis for me.

My thesis is my baby, my child and I am proud of it. Its words live in me, its ideas still are a fixation in my mind, and now I have what it takes to really bring it to the next level. And so I will. I do not just love my thesis as a cute baby that people admire and call beautiful. I love my thesis as a petulant older child that sometimes struggles to string ideas that are linked but in ways that are not obvious. I love my thesis as a teenager lost in despair trying to reconcile how a society functions and the philosophies and ideologies that underpin it, the teenager reading social and political thought for the first time. I love my thesis as the young adult that has more questions than answers. I love my thesis as all of the people I have been and whom I will be.

Academia broke my heart. and it devastated many people befor me. But many ideas are worth exploring. Many ideas are worth cradling in a warm blanket and developing over time. Your ideas and mine, are worth so much more than the egos and power of people around us, and they do not get to rob our work of its dignity. And we do not have to leave the brilliance of our thoughts with the memories of people who never cared to understand them. And so I am coming back for my child, I am returning for my thesis. Because I am willing to spend time with it, and nurture it, and develop it. I am ready for it to one day be in the world and standing on its own.

The words of my thesis live in me, but the words of my thesis will live beyond me. And so as I drawm paint, photograph and write for this multimedia art project. As the young mother of this thesis and this combination of ideas, I will be raw and approach it with care, consideration and thoughtfulness. and hopefully, my thesis will find the right people who are interested in philosophy, sociology and the arts. Because this thesis will always be my baby, and I hope it meets people that love it and see it for what it is, the way that I do.

I dedicate this multimedia art project to the people whose first heartbreak was being alienated from their ideas in service of other people's desires. May you always find your way back to that child who wondered so much about the world, and was eager to learn more.