#and that makes everything more heartbreaking because imagine being the brothers in that situation

[nocreativityfornames]

Nb!Belphie is making me think about S1!Belphie and I need to get these thoughts out so here's me making a post about it

You know how after MC reveals that they're human Belphie immediately shows distrust of them and goes for an attack? How even after getting past the fact they're human, he still gets super protective over Beel when he expresses wanting to make a pact with them, almost like he's scared of his brothers getting too close to MC?

The explanation I came to for this is that after what happened to Lilith, aka her death ( not really but it's what he believed happened at the time ), Belphie must've developed an irrational fear of humans. But not in the way you'd think, he's not inherently scared of them, he's scared of what the consequences of getting close to one could be. He's scared of his loved ones getting too close to a human, because the last time that happened, he lost his sister.

And no matter how illogical that fear might be, given that they're no longer in the Celestial Realm and thus, are no longer in danger of being subjected to any punishments for associating with humans, he still fears that. Trauma at its finest, it doesn't make much sense.

So when he sees his brothers not only getting close to a human but also making pacts with them, he feels on alert and uneasy. Even more when it comes to Beel, given how close they are, and how protective he already feels over him.

And thinking about this, as I stated in the title, made me think about S1!Belphie. Because what if during S1 Belphie was still dealing with that fear? What if that was also part of the reason he didn't want the exchange program to happen?

I mean, we know he hated humans. We know he despised them and wanted them away from him and the Devildom, that he blamed them for Lilith's death ( and also himself ), and couldn't bear the thought of the program happening because it would mean demons meddling with humans in a way that wasn't the usual "want to corrupt them/have their soul" dynamic and we know that he felt betrayed by his brothers when they were supportive of the exchange because to him humans were THE ENEMY and by accepting this arrangement his brothers were disrespecting Lilith.

And so, once trapped in the attic, his plan was to kill MC and ruin the exchange program. For all reasons above.

"He also planned to end humanity." Yes...and no?

I mean, yes, the game alludes to Belphie wanting to destroy humanity more than once, these are screenshots of it:

But honestly? I don't think he ever seriously considered doing this.

Yes, he hated humans more than anything, but I don't think he ever seriously wanted to kill ALL OF THEM, no. I think that he probably only said that in the heat of the moment, being so angry at Lucifer and all.

But maybe that's naive of me, maybe he DID want to end humanity. However, even if that was the case, I'm thinking he most likely gave up on the idea not too long after because it never gets brought up again after the flashback of him lashing out at Lucifer, or the scene with Diavolo saying he was a danger to humanity before locking him up.

Because come on, even if Belphie wanted to end humanity, he would've never been able to. I mean, there's no way that after killing MC his brothers would've just let him get past them and make his way to the human world. And through the 8 layers of hell no less, since portals can only be opened with Diavolo and/or Lucifer's permission.

And even if for some miracle he could escape the brothers, that's still 8 layers of hell to WALK through and he'd still have Diavolo, Barbatos, Solomon, and Simeon trying to stop him.

So yeah, there's no way that part of his plan could've been accomplished, and spending that much time in that attic alone in his head, he must've realized that and gave up.

Going back to the topic of why exactly he wanted to kill MC and end the exchange program though...

What if beyond all that burning hatred towards humans, he was also scared? What if he feared, too, that his brothers would end up taking a liking to MC? After all, the second human exchange student was assigned to their house, they were supposed to live with them, be in their lives 24/7.

What if Belphie was scared that his brothers would get close to that human? Scared that by befriending them, his brothers would be destined to meet a terrible fate later on?

What if he was scared of his family getting hurt?

Because again, he's got that irrational fear ( it's more a theory than a fact but you get what I mean ) that associates getting close to humans with danger, pain, grief, and all sorts of terrible stuff, thanks to his then unresolved trauma with Lilith, The Great Celestial War, etc.

And so by killing MC and ending the exchange program, he not only thinks that he's teaching everyone a lesson, revenging Lilith, and honoring her memory by reminding the others of her, but he's also convinced that he's protecting his brothers.

He's convinced that MC is a threat to his family, and that he's doing good by eliminating that same threat.

[marvel-starwarsfangirl]

Ep. 13 "Into the Breach" Review

This was another fantastic episode that packs so much into its 25 minute runtime. Seriously, the finale better be like an hour. I feel like there's so much we have to address, yet so little time. My faith in you doesn't waver Jennifer; you've guided us through thick and thin. I will say that Rampart is surprisingly a really fun character to revisit and I enjoy watching him interact with the Batch. This man doesn't learn, but he's funny now so I give him kudos for entertainment purposes. I loved the dark atmosphere as the finale draws nearer and near. This is the end of the Bad Batch. We know it and they know it.

As usual, spoilers below:

MAMA ECHO RETURNS!!! After so long, he graces us with his appearance and he serves. I loved everything from his action sequences to his sass. Watching him sneak around the Imperial ship, rolling off of crates and working his magic was awesome to watch. That's why he's the Arc Trooper. And boy was he funny too. If it were possible, Rampart would've definitely be set on fire. Between being told he was being demoted to being denied the title of "sir," Rampart was demolished by Echo. It's just so good to see Echo again. I love him so much for his kind heart, quips, and awesome action sequences. The writers delivered!

Rampart, Rampart, Rampart... what will we do with you? He certainly hasn't changed and probably never will. But honestly, I kinda hope he doesn't. Sometimes, people are just aholes who do the right things for the wrong reasons. Rampart provides an interesting moral perspective. And he's still hot. Seeing him cleaned up in the uniform didn't help either. I'm a simple woman guys. He's also hilarious and I love it. Rampart's ego is so big that he unintentionally comes across as whiny and comical. Going forward, I seriously wonder what they'll do with him because he's going to Tantiss. Will he get dropped off? Sell the Batch out? Die in the battle that is to come? Next week will tell. I'm glad he was brought back though. He did his job as a villain well. Now, we get to see him in different situations and it's fun.

Omega, my sweet bean, hang in there. This episode does so well in establishing just how much she's grown over the past few seasons. Omega's always been resourceful and clever. Seeing her scheme to escape the Vault was exciting. You can also see the influence her brothers, particularly Hunter, have had on her. Omega's become more confident and mature. She's a leader in every sense of the word. The other kids look to her for guidance as she plans an escape. I also want to give the other kids a huge hug; I can't imagine what it must be like for them. It's one of the darkest things we've ever seen in Star Wars. Also, Emerie and Scalder rivalry definitely is gonna end with Emerie's true motivations being discovered. Scalder's not gonna let her allow Omega to slip away.

And seeing the boys strip their armor of all their color... that was legitimately heartbreaking to watch. I see it as a symbol of finality. There is no going back once they get to Tantiss. Hunter's "negative" just cements that. The last 5 minutes of the episode were so tense as the boys hitched a ride. As a my discord friend put it, "all roads lead to Tantiss."

There were a lot of smaller moments I enjoyed too. Wrecker was pretty funny this episode. Crosshair and Hunter voicing their trust in Echo was sweet. It furthers just how much the Batch truly trust and know each other. It's that implicit trust that makes me love their dynamic so much.

Anyways, that's all for now. We're truly in the endgame guys. After so long, we've finally made it to Tantiss. All that's left is to get Omega, the children, and escape which is so much easier said than done. I'm so scared yet excited for what's to come. See y'all next week!

[parad-ice-lostandfound]

Things that come in my head as I play through Diasomnia's chapter (chp 38-55):

[Potential spoilers below darlings, proceed with caution!]

Am I ready for this? Hell no. Do I know I will regret everything? Yes. Am I still gonna try to finish everything in one day? Yep. Let's go!

Ortho??? Calling from RSA??? Is this Idia's dream? Malleus?! Cute to see him taking care of Drago but like the tiny details showing that its actually a dream? And Idia's catching on! Slowly but hey, progress is still progress! It's also nice to see how things could be different if og Ortho was still around.

Where are we? Why are there terrifying ghost like things on the windows? Is this Ramshackle dorm before it became, well, Ramshackle as we know it now? I am so confused now lol– Wait we're in Mickey's room?! How'd we get on the other side of the mirror? We're all having an out of body experience... I dunno how to feel about that tbh.

Silver! My baby's here! And we get to see his UM!

Have I ever told you guys how much I like Malleus' humming? Cause I like it very much. But anyways... we're in cyberspace now...? Oh Ortho! Ortho's awake! Poor baby's trying so hard to wake up his brother.

It's kinda scary seeing how powerful Malleus is. Like, to the point where he can force even Styx issued gear into shut down mode, he's seriously overpowered. Can't wait to see Idia continue the trend and become the hero in this tale, but there's a lot of heart ache we need to go through before we reach that point so, best of luck to all our poor hearts.

I wonder if there's any particular significance to the fact that the time is stopped at 9:18.

So we finally meet Idia's dad, huh? His helmet reminds me of Hades' Helm of Darkness. And we meet his mom as well. A lot of technical stuff and lore drop that went a bit over my head, but it's fine! We'll be fine!

Seems like eccentricity is the middle name of the Shroud family. Then again all geniuses are a bit eccentric. Poor idia, his mom definitely snooped through password protected folders. I would riot if my parents ever snooped through my laptop, so I can't wait for him to wake up and proceed to lose his shit over it lmao

Ortho's Cerberos gear and the two support droids are so cool! The little family moment is cute, but I hope this isn't a death flag for poor Ortho because I've seen too much of that trope– Now we're back with the Prefect! Ngl, Silver's kinda hot when he orders us around.

Dreams are a very tricky subject, so I don't blame Silver for not knowing much about how his UM works. That being said, I'm ready to learn a little more about Sebek, now that we're in his dream. I'm not his biggest fan atm, but... let's see. I'm hoping my perspective on him changes because he seems like a fun character to explore.

.... Something about the way he calls us human just pisses me off lmao. But we will be keeping an open mind. I will come to love you Sebek (yes it is a threat)

I feel terrible for Silver. Imagine looking at people you've known your entire life, two of them people you look up to and one you've trained alongside, and seeing strangers. Strangers who live in a fairy tale, who want you to join them and live happily ever after, sacrificing your freedom and responsibilities of the real world for an ideal ending. Who wouldn't want to take that chance? Making the choice to go against them, for their own good, is the most difficult thing to do in this situation. Raising your weapon against the one you trained your whole life to protect, fighting against someone who was once your comrade-in-arms.... it's terribly heartbreaking. But, hey, at least we got Sebek to wake up.

EHY IS MALLEUS SO FUCKING OP DIFVDHDGDJSVDVDJD B DHFDUSJDHS?!?!?!?!?

We... we're in Lilia's dream now.... brb, gotta get some tissues and get ready for emotional damage–

It's nice to see Silver taking the lead and being the dependable one. Also, General Lilia!! Been waiting for him since I got spoilers back when I was stuck in Ignihyde's book. I love how his hair transitions from being long and having red streaks to short and cute with pink streaks. Long hair is often associated, at least in my culture, with maturity and a sense of responsibility, while short hair is more fun and child-like. Similarly, red is an intense colour, while pink could technically be seen as a softer, gentler cousin to it. It shows Lilia's change from a warrior to caregiver and I think it's really neat. I just wish he could have seen him in a more adult-like form in the past.

[buildarocketboys]

Frankenstein Chapters 9-14 @tumbleclub

Literally just gonna post the quotes I've highlighted this week without commentary (unless I really wanna put commentary) because I'm tired and there were a lot of chapters this week! So putting it under a cut:

Chapter 9:

When I thought of him I gnashed my teeth, my eyes became inflamed, and I ardently wished to extinguish that life which I had so thoughtlessly bestowed.

Before, I looked upon the accounts of vice and injustice that I read in books or heard from others as tales of ancient days or imaginary evils; at least they were remote and more familiar to reason than to the imagination; but now misery has come home, and men appear to me as monsters thirsting for each other’s blood.

I could not consent to the death of any human being, but certainly I should have thought such a creature unfit to remain in the society of men.

Chapter 10:

Why does man boast of sensibilities superior to those apparent in the brute; it only renders them more necessary beings. If our impulses were confined to hunger, thirst, and desire, we might be nearly free

The monster very much echoes a similar sentiment later, when he realises how wretched his situation is.

“I expected this reception,” said the dæmon. “All men hate the wretched; how, then, must I be hated, who am miserable beyond all living things! Yet you, my creator, detest and spurn me, thy creature, to whom thou art bound by ties only dissoluble by the annihilation of one of us.

Remember that I am thy creature; I ought to be thy Adam, but I am rather the fallen angel, whom thou drivest from joy for no misdeed. Everywhere I see bliss, from which I alone am irrevocably excluded. I was benevolent and good; misery made me a fiend. Make me happy, and I shall again be virtuous.”

I do think the consistent Adam/original sin of knowledge are interesting...

Listen to my tale; when you have heard that, abandon or commiserate me, as you shall judge that I deserve. But hear me.

You accuse me of murder, and yet you would, with a satisfied conscience, destroy your own creature. Oh, praise the eternal justice of man!

I love how sassy the creature is here. Go off!

My heart was full, and I did not answer him, but as I proceeded, I weighed the various arguments that he had used and determined at least to listen to his tale. I was partly urged by curiosity, and compassion confirmed my resolution. I had hitherto supposed him to be the murderer of my brother, and I eagerly sought a confirmation or denial of this opinion. For the first time, also, I felt what the duties of a creator towards his creature were

Chapter 11:

I was a poor, helpless, miserable wretch; I knew, and could distinguish, nothing; but feeling pain invade me on all sides, I sat down and wept.

:(

I was delighted when I first discovered that a pleasant sound, which often saluted my ears, proceeded from the throats of the little winged animals who had often intercepted the light from my eyes.

Sometimes I wished to express my sensations in my own mode, but the uncouth and inarticulate sounds which broke from me frightened me into silence again.

How strange, I thought, that the same cause should produce such opposite effects!

When I found this, I resolved to quit the place that I had hitherto inhabited, to seek for one where the few wants I experienced would be more easily satisfied.

The whole village was roused; some fled, some attacked me, until, grievously bruised by stones and many other kinds of missile weapons

This kind of reminded me of everyone attacking and driving out Jean Valjean in Les Miserables.

He raised her and smiled with such kindness and affection that I felt sensations of a peculiar and overpowering nature; they were a mixture of pain and pleasure, such as I had never before experienced, either from hunger or cold, warmth or food; and I withdrew from the window, unable to bear these emotions.

Everything about the creature's story is so fucking heartbreaking

Chapter 12:

If such lovely creatures were miserable, it was less strange that I, an imperfect and solitary being, should be wretched. Yet why were these gentle beings unhappy?

Their nourishment consisted entirely of the vegetables of their garden and the milk of one cow, which gave very little during the winter, when its masters could scarcely procure food to support it.

Subsistence farming sucks :/

Chapter 13:

I heard of the slothful Asiatics, of the stupendous genius and mental activity of the Grecians, of the wars and wonderful virtue of the early Romans—of their subsequent degenerating—of the decline of that mighty empire, of chivalry, Christianity, and kings. I heard of the discovery of the American hemisphere and wept with Safie over the hapless fate of its original inhabitants.

Interesting examples of orientalism/racism against Asians vs at least sadness over colonialism of the native Americans

“Of what a strange nature is knowledge! It clings to the mind when it has once seized on it like a lichen on the rock. I wished sometimes to shake off all thought and feeling, but I learned that there was but one means to overcome the sensation of pain, and that was death—a state which I feared yet did not understand.

I had never yet seen a being resembling me or who claimed any intercourse with me. What was I?

Chapter 14:

He was tried and condemned to death. The injustice of his sentence was very flagrant; all Paris was indignant; and it was judged that his religion and wealth rather than the crime alleged against him had been the cause of his condemnation.

Parallel to Justine's condemnation?

[according2thelore]

just found your tumblr account and thought id give you the comments i never left on your fics. my top three are: I. “swallow my breath and take whats mine” nothing to say about this one except i live for feral sam, the fear for dean’s death and acceptance of letting himself be cannibalized just because he doesn’t want to lose him and at the end the contempt for john, for how far he’s willing to go just to train dean (his inability to understand that it is NOT normal has a whole other special flavor). it was short, lovely and heartbreaking with a je ne sais quoi in sam’s feelings towards dean. 10/10. II. “and its you that i want” this was more lighthearted, not accounting for the breakup between dean and girl X, the best part was sam needing to be used, his desire to be just a vessel for deans pleasure. also i love EVERYTHING that depicts sam’s discomfort with his size with his need to be smaller. overall the smut is so sexy and intimate and also i love the fact that theyre obsessed with each other even in another universe. i love every smith/wesson fic because i love to imagine their reactions when confronted with what they would do with each other when not being stuck with whatever inhibition theyre battling with. 12/10 just because it has smut. “souls tied intertwined by our pride and guilt” NO. WORDS. it is my most read fic on ao3 in the whole seven years ive used the platform and it was published less than a year ago. i love everything. every word, every emotion. the fic starts with the voyeur moment, dean’s guilt at the idea that it was sam’s worst terror and sam’s fear that he may have revealed too much and everything its now out in the open. “the dark side of the moon” is already a seriously angsty episode by itself, but your spin on it with their guilt, their shame and the continuous misunderstandings is lovely.

dean’s overthinking about when did he become so overwhelming to sam that he was TERRIFIED of his big brother, when did he become something that sam needed to escape from leaving for college? sams line that said he “always lived with it” had dean spiraling with guilt and shame and fear so much that he left and “threw” away the amulet. sam on the other hand is full of shame for his biggest desire is out there, the crippling need to have his brother, so debilitating that he had to escape, not from deans leering as he may think, but from his fucked up needs, his perversion of their relationship, of him feeling like he twisted up something genuine and good so much that his brother is now disgusted with him (i love when one of the two seems “disgusted” leaving the other feeling dirty and a pervert) overall i never found a fic that fit all of my reading needs as well as this one. you took a basic misunderstanding trope and spun it in a whirlwind of suffering, dejections, inhibitions and the best part GUILT AND SHAME.

i have no more words 100/10 i live for it. keep up with your writing because i live for it and eat up every single work you produce.

sorry if some bits are grammatically incorrect english is not my first language.

much love<3

HI ANON!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!

thank you so much for this ask!!!!!! i actually think i have answered this one already, and thank you for being so kind!!!!!!! i want to make sure you can see this so i copy-pasted my answer below, bc i had such a lovely time reading this and responding to it!

anon...oh my god anon...anon...

okay so i'm thinking an autumn wedding? how soon do you think we could book a venue?? i mean, we could always elope.

but seriously, anon--holy shit. this ask made my MONTH. i don't know what i did to deserve such lovely and incredible people on this blog but i am so GRATEFUL!!!

just little responses to the comments:

EEP! thank you! desperately devoted winchesters are delicious! we see series!sam being incredibly unhinged about dean/his safety, so i was interested to explore how a pre-series!sam would navigate a situation like that. 

heehee i'm glad this one was good! charlotte beta'd the first half of this fic in public, and it was quite funny to watch her (a lesbian who is also new to A/B/O) give it a read. servicetop sam is something that i love that i also don't see a lot of, so i loved being able to add some in this universe where their power dynamics are slightly shifted (in the corporate ladder sense and also alpha/omega lol). a +2 for the smut!! hell yeah!!! thank you ! :)

okay, small guilty pleasure moment, i LOVE misunderstanding tropes. admittedly in big, long pieces of fiction (fan or otherwise) in the 40k+ category, i can get tired of it, but misunderstandings are such a great way to understand and explore the interpersonal and INTRApersonal strengths/weaknesses/flaws of characters and their understanding of the world they are in. i was afraid everyone was going to hate this fic on sight bc it's written for me (and charlotte) specifically (and i've found from some very vocal and angry people that they hate misunderstandings (not on this blog, thank goodness, everyone has been lovely!)), but i am SO INCREDIBLY HONOURED AND GRATEFUL AND GLAD that you like it!!!!! i don't even have words for how much all of the comments, but this one especially, meant!!! all of your comments breaking it down made me smile wider and wider!

i hope my work continues to be entertaining, and THANK YOU again for this lovely ask!! (ps, your grammar is stellar!! much love!!!)

-lizzy <3

(pps mwah mwah mwah mwah)

[ladybugpowermakeup]

Kronk Headcanon

Okay, so I was watching the work of cinema mastery that is “The Emperor’s New Groove” yesterday with some friends, and at one point I made the comment that Kronk reacts to a situation the way a therapist would. I’m a psych grad and I’m very perceptive to characters asking the right questions or making comments that cause others to reflect on themselves or the situation. But the longer we thought about it, the more sense it made. 

I imagine that this is a situation where Kronk is not, in fact, a fully licensed clinician, or if he is, he’s very very new at it. He seems wildly unprepared for the craziness, and my guess is that he’s a student doing his internship (considering that Kuzko mentions that “this year’s model is named Kronk”, he’s only been there a little bit). He’s clearly there for Yzma, considering he hardly ever leaves her side, and it’s shown through the scene at Pacha’s house that he knows how to interact with kids, too, but that seems more like a big brother than anything else. So let’s assume that he’s got a general understanding of psychology, with a particular focus on working with the elderly. 

So let’s go through this hypothetical scenario with Kronk. He’s working as the assistant to the emperor’s advisor, who, let’s face it, qualified for retirement years ago. But she’s becoming old and even violent and refuses to let go of her place in the palace, and so Kronk’s job is to help her adjust to the idea of retirement with a generous pension plan. But, since she’s stubborn and set in her ways, he needs to help Yzma come to that conclusion herself. She’s obviously capable of violence, and no one wants her or anyone else to get hurt in the process of removing her from her position. So Kronk goes in and works with her, teaches her healthy ways to cope with her anger, and yeah he’s not perfect and makes mistakes, but he’s still learning, right? And besides, the lady he’s working under is scary beyond all reason, so sometimes she can convince him of things over his better judgement simply because he doesn’t want to be on the other end, but usually they have a very good working relationship and it seems to be going alright. 

And then the emperor ruins it by firing her. Kuzko didn’t mean it maliciously, he’s a kid who can have everything he wants and knows it and uses it. But the fact remains that this woman’s life is crumbling around her and this is a woman who has access to large hammers and stashes of poison. So Kronk tries to do damage control, helping her get out her aggression on the busts. But he says the wrong thing and this elderly and slightly deranged woman gets an idea and now they’re in the lab talking about fleas and the postage service. And poison. 

And now Yzma’s discussing having a dinner and inviting Kuzko and about how the three of them - soon to be the TWO of them - are the only ones who know about her being fired, and Kronk just has to make sure that he’s hearing this correctly and verifies that yes, this woman intends to assassinate the emperor for her own gain and revenge.

But obviously, our sunshine himbo Kronk doesn’t want to poison anyone, so what does he do? 

He switches the vials. He doesn’t use the poison, he grabs a relatively harmless one and hopes it’ll do the trick. He knows that Yzma’s making this plan in a moment of anger and betrayal and heartbreak, so he’s hoping that she’ll calm down before the dinner, but she doesn’t and all she can think about is the poison that’s going to kill the emperor. And Kronk, hoping that seeing the consequences of her actions would get to her, actually does it. He had hoped that maybe seeing the emperor’s passed out/llama body would get her to come to her senses, but nothing reaches her and, as much as he tries to buy time for her to consider the ramifications of what she’s asking by offering her dessert and coffee, he finds himself taking the unconscious llama body of his emperor out to the canal. 

Like he said, this old lady is scary beyond all reason. And it takes him far too long to remember his ethics and not let the sack fall off the edge of the waterfall. 

By this point, he’s way in over his head. He just assisted in a coup attempt by accident and is now carrying the body of his emperor - who currently looks like a discolored llama - in a canvas sack down the stairs of the city and panics. He trips, the sack ends up in the cart of a pesant, and Kronk is left wondering where it all went wrong. 

And things go from bad to worse when Yzma fully takes over the kingdom without a care in the world. By this point, Kronk’s been able to get his head screwed on straight and realizes that this woman is not going to listen to reason, so when he slips and reveals that he didn’t kill Kuzko, he decides that the best thing he can do is to take Yzma on a wild goose chase through the jungle. But when a squirrel gives them genuine directions, he ends up at that diner and we all know what happened there - he still can’t believe he forgot it was her birthday. 

It isn’t until that night that he realizes he knows who Kuzko is with, where he lives (due to the emperor’s nonstop talk about Kuzko-topia), and that since they ran into each other at the diner, it’s very unlikely that the man and the llama would beat them there. What better way to ease Yzma’s suspicion than to show her that he’s not there? If he can manage it, they’ll be able to “clear” the house as free of any talking llamas, Yzma can go back to the palace or maybe chasing after daydreams, and Kronk can trust that the village guy will keep the emperor safe until Yzma is gone - because let’s be real, a woman that old traipsing through the jungle is not really going to last long. And if Kuzko is there, maybe he can try and get some kind of reality through to her. It’s a slim hope, but a hope nonetheless. 

But they get there, and there’s no llama in sight, just a pregnant mother and her two children - Kronk immediately puts himself between his boss and the kids, but assumes (correctly) that Chicha can take care of herself. When they're “accidentally” trapped in a dark room, he’s almost relieved. At least this setback wasn’t him being intentionally idiotic, he can’t be blamed for this one. If they just stay in here until Kuzko and his companion get back to the palace, maybe they can find the lab and get him changed back? Maybe Yzma will die of a burst blood vessel and it’ll all work itself out? He’s really grasping at straws here. But as long as they’re in this room, Yzma’s relatively harmless, so he’s not inclined to try and break them out. 

Besides, it is a lovely mahogany. It would be a shame to ruin it. 

He’s flabbergasted when the little family somehow manage to thwart Yzma’s violent attempt to break down the door, and downright impressed when they, seemingly without effort, manage to string her up covered in feathers. He has to laugh at it, the first time in a while, until he hears her screams and sees the footprints. 

“Let’s not wait until the family reunion, okay?” he says, and he can practically feel the camaraderie between them. 

They aren’t even halfway to the palace when karma finally hits and quite literally knocks them out of the air. Kronk barely has time to blink before they’re back at the palace and rushing to the lab. He can’t even stop Yzma before she’s grabbed the last vial and run off to hide dramatically as the man and llama rush in. This woman needs to be stopped, he knows, but he’s so far out of his league that he doesn’t even know what to do anymore. When asked how they got there, he just shrugs. By all accounts, it just doesn’t make sense. But he’s quickly jerked back to a sense of his surroundings when the old woman tosses him a freaking knife and orders him to kill them. Literally torn, it takes him a few seconds to respond while his ethical brain is still mulling over what the actual heck is happening, and those few seconds are enough to make her turn on him, too. 

Her words are enough to bring him to tears, but it only takes a moment for him to snap. He tries to bring down the chandelier on her, but of course it misses and that few seconds is enough for her to send him tumbling down a trapdoor. He barely manages to find his way out of the system of tunnels, eventually slamming out into the sunlight and apparently providing a deus ex machina to the emperor, getting him the vial he needs to get back to his own skin. 

It’s about at that point that Kronk decides that maybe, just maybe, being a junior chipmunk leader is more appealing as a career choice. 

[mosviqu]

IT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH AND I HATE ALL OF THE THINGS I GOT TO KNOW ABOUT THIS ERA THEIR HARD WORK IS NOT APPRECIATED ENOUGH WAHHH

i didn't even have the motivation to check out the last song from them ngl💔💔very sad about them but maybe i will like it after watching music shows lmao i wont give up (fully) on the 03liners💔 WAITTTT TRUE HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT INTAK WHAT THE HECK I WAS SO HAPPY ABOUT HIM (and same i saw that they are having a cb and i was like:o i forgot about u guys:o) AN AMAZING CREW!!!! also would selfishly add enhypen sunoo he is a lovely 03 liner as well🥹 (idk know mcnd☹️☹️ i heard like 2-3 of their songs but i never checked them out☹️ BUT IM HAPPY THERE IS AN 03 LINER IN THERE!!!)

IT IS IMPORTANT BUT IM STILL NOT SURE IF ITS 100% TRUE😭 i love keeho so much like that was the point where i was like yeah u are going to be my fav from here!! seeing the screenshots of it still makes me laugh so much

i can imagine that😭 my sister was in the exact same situation as u💀

IT WAS!!!! dino is lovely and i would love to see u being his body guard ngl🤣 I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DIDNT DO IT💔💔just such a big heartbreak💔💔ALSO TALKING ABOUT TREASURE DID U HEAR THE SNIPPET HE POSTED OF A SONG??? it sounds very great imo

I CAN SO RELATE TO THAT!!! english is so hard without english classes i never realized that till now💔 i only talk in english with my sister but it's a mess i even just struggle to put together sentences now😭 writing my replies takes so much brain cells from me so i always just pray that u will get what i'm trying to say even if it's not correct lmao🥸 RECORDING VLOGS IS SO MUCH FUN!! i did it for a while and it was so amazing so i recommend it only sent them to my bestie but it was actually so funny😭 THE BRITISH PEOPLE GOT US REAL HARD💔

(AHHH THANK U SO MUCH;-; I APPRECIATE IT!!! HANBIN!!! I HOPE U WILL HAVE MORE MOMENTS OVER HIM LMAO HE IS VERY GREAT😌 although be careful with asking me about zbone members cuz idk three of them;-; but working on it🤞 and u can tag me or message me ofc i dont mind🥹💕) (liebestraum anon🥳💕)

LITERALLYYYY i saw a tiktok where it compared all the other dances where its a member x woman (ten or baek) and it said "so this is okay, but this isnt?" showing enha and the comments were like "we are the problem" LMAO so at least they are self-aware.

no because i was really disappointed too >:(( but the title track still slaps i said what i said. watched them perform it too and they have cute bubbly vibes i am heartbroken for the lack of interest from my side. NO BC WHEN I STARTED BIASING INTAK AND REALISED HE WAS A 03 LINER I HAD A MENTAL BREAKDOWN. ((still am a jiung girlie at heart tho). i am really excited for their cb tho it sounds amazing!!! HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT SUNOO WHAT THE FUCK AAAAAAAAAA IM SO SORRY he's my fav 03 liner. ((there are actually 2 03 liners in mcnd but i forgot the other one LMAO i honestly cant remember their names anymore but i had a very short mcnd phase lol. all i know is that i'd die for minjae thats all)

i would honestly be a good bodyguard bc i have a lot of rage in me. like i could fully fight someone if i was mad enough LMAOO. everything for dino baby <3 I DID SEE THE SNIPPET I LOST MY SHIT LOWKEY HIGHKEY I AM SO EXCITED AAAAAAA

i mean english isnt really hard for me if we are talking abt writing and stuff but speaking out loud is more difficult if you don't regularly do it >:( dont worry we are on the same wavelength i always know what u mean w your replies AHAH sometimes i speak in eng w my roommate bc she is an english major (she only picked the major bc of me and then i ended up doing psychology so i owe her this bc her english isnt as good as mine) I USED TO RECORD VLOGS W MY BROTHER but we never posted them thank god. i'm still down to do it honestly its so fun LMAO

hanbin.......i looked up his name on tiktok once and now my fyp is filled with him and im so in love he's so cute and adorable and sweet like i saw clips of ppl giving him letters and how much he loves getting them and even asked if anyone has letters for him please zb1 fans give him letters!!!!!! no bc i only know ricky, hanbin, zhang hao and matthew :,) but the more i see them on my fyp the more i am convinced to stan once they debut like i legit debated on watching boys planet yesterday bc i lowkey like survival shows but when i found out the eps are 2 hours long i decided to just....not...do that...

also a small update on the tbz recs i did some progress and i really liked diamond life and survive the night :p i have like 11 songs left from the ones u recommended LMAO but yeah i loved those two

[tiffanylamps]

I am wondering how did JW get through the first couple days or weeks after DS’s and HGH’s arrest? We watched the drama for 16 episode then many developed the serious brainrot. What does it feel like for JW who has spent the last several months in the case, developed the deep relationship with DS and Manjang people, twisted and turned and endless late nights…then all of a sudden everything came to an end at that night…. Cannot imagine the hollowness he must have felt. How did he get through with just himself ? I bet Hyuk must be there for him but must still be very very hard. I am wondering how YJG and SHK feel after this project. Have they experienced similar withdrawal like us? #mental-dump #just-want-to-chat-with-someone #it-is-good-to-see-jw-smile-after-a-year-but-he-must-have-gone-through-a-lot-of-xxx

Firstly, thank you for your message. I appreciate that you took time out of your day to contact me <3

So... Heartbreak interlude/Post-Canon Han Joo Won? The man of my (albeit minor) worries and concerns? The small baby cherub himself that... gosh, simply put, he needs therapy.

Let's get into it. I'm going to overshare my headcanons and hopefully give satisfactory answers to your questions along the way...

[grab all of the snacks and stay hydrated. I go on about it for about a decade because I don't know how to stfu. As always, excuse my dyslexia pls]

[EDIT 12/07/22: I added some more thoughts because i cannot be stopped... someone stop me pls]

Okay, firstly, look at that gif, look at the Joo Won we are being presented in the ending scenes and tell me he's okay. He looks so worn out, emotionally suffocated; as if he has put all of his emotions into a glass jar and has been huffing on it just to get a hit. Joo Won is vein and yet, he hasn't had a haircut, he's wearing the same clothes, he has bags under his eyes, he walks with a shyness that isn't like him, etc, etc.

Han Joo Won is a confident (not to be confused with his arrogance) man. We do not see that confidence at the end of ep. 16. I read his body language as someone who has been strung up to dry, through his own doing. He has spent an (almost) year emotionally self-flagellating because of what he did. Joo Won is semi-responsible/directly involved in three people's murders. The guilt must be weighing a tonne on him. That, including his overwhelming feelings of guilt/complicated feelings toward Dong Sik... well, I don't think he would be dealing with it in a healthy way.

Joo Won doesn't scream like he's a "i go to therapy and take my meds and openly talk about my trauma in a healthy constructive way, whilst learning to slowly forgive myself" kind of guy. Quite the opposite.

(yes, hit your chest with a loaded gun whilst you have an anxiety attack... people, his finger is on the trigger!!! what are we going to do with his man?)

How did JW get through the first couple days or weeks after DS’s and HGH’s arrest? (my thoughts only, based on my wild imagination and lack of knowledge) Joo Won was one of the lead investigators in the national /international scandal of the decade: the murder and cover-up case of Lee Yu Yeon, involving the lead suspect, General Commissioner of South Korea's police force, Han Ki Hwan. He was not the arresting officer but he was a leading detective of that case, working undercover/behind everyone's backs with his colleague from the Inspection Inquiry department at headquarters (from my understanding, it's basically Internal Affairs), who also happens to be the deceased twin brother. [He's also the arresting officer for Lee Chang Jin, Park Jung Je, Jo Gil Goo, and Do Hae Won. that's a lot of paperwork and a lot of court hearings.] Yeeeah..... that's a sticky situation. I fully believe that the South Korean version of the CPS (crown prosecution service) would have wanted Joo Won off that case as quickly as they could because his involvement will make it very messy in court. [Personally, I think HKH would have a solid appeal and I think it might even go through because of Joo Won and Dong Sik's handling of the case. A half-decent lawyer could make a meal out of the relationships/dynamics at play here.] He is also the arresting officer of his partner/ his father's arresting officer... Which is just... yeeeeeeeah. a. lot. So, he'll be doing a lot of paperwork, following procedures, answering SO many questions and I think, just going through the motions, completely and utterly numb to it all. Emotionally, he would have checked out in order to assure he brings justice to the victims and their families.

But that emotional numbness won't last for long...

I fully believe he would become a media sensation but not because he wants to be. I think the press would follow him around and dig every ounce of his life as they can, so they can sell more papers/get more clicks regarding HKH's case. (they follow him to and from work, sit outside his flat, find all of his favourite spots, contact everyone and anyone who could have dirt on him... basically, make his life a living hell). Also, the fact that Joo Won is handsome and annoying is a factor. He was also correct about the Manyang serial killer, investigated his own father and arrested his partner- gosh, well, there's a lot to be said about him.

(come on, the insta pages created in his honour would be bountiful. he has nice clothes, great hair, that face, a nice arse that doesn't quit, and a funny personality... He's the young "star" of a modern Shakespearean scandal. it's bound to happen.)

So, I think he would be harassed by the media/public throughout the duration of his father's trial. He'll be ostracized by MANY people within the police force because he's uncovered the extent of the institutional corruption. He'll be a very busy boy, who is on the edge of falling apart 24/7 because life is a lie/gone to shit.

How did he get through with just himself? I bet Hyuk must be there for him but must still be very very hard.

Okay, so let's get to my headcanons and talk about my juicy (unhealthy) theories of what Joo Won's (almost) year away could have looked like.

It's either he:

He works very hard and keeps his head down. He's quiet and tries his best. He applies himself to prove that he's not his father's son. Perhaps, over time, he reconnects with his mother's side of the family and that helps him develop an identity outside of his father's shadow. Or.... my preferred theory... (it's dramatic, just HJW)

Joo Won is a fucking mess. He is someone who cares more than the average person, he holds himself to a very high standard and is his own worst enemy. He is suffocating with guilt, it drenches him to the point he is soaking; heavy and unable to move. His day-to-day life is a slug that he endures because it is the right thing to do. But at night, or when he's alone, he's a trainwreck. I believe Joo Won has substance abuse issues (as hinted with his drinking in the show) and I think that would get much worse post canon/the interlude. Joo Won drinks to punish/numb himself, he drinks alone and during the day. We never see him drunk but that could be because he's very good at controlling that side of himself... Well, as someone who has control issues like him (wanting to be in control but also, has a very bad temper/easily loses control with the right pressure/if Dong Sik pushes his buttons), what if something so traumatic happened to him that it forces his self-control out the window? What then?

(this boy loves to punish himself. He's a masochist, I tell ya. Maybe he'll get into BDSM, who knows? it might be cathartic for him; losing control in a controlled setting)

I think he would allow the sides of himself that he's been repressing his entire life to come exploding out. It's messy, ugly, and painful but germination isn't a pretty process. It's a cold undertaking that happens alone, in the dark corners of one's mind, and doesn't always succeed first-try. But like many seedlings, Joo Won can survive in the dark and has an abundance of perseverance. He just needs to spread his roots and keep reaching toward the sun; with patience, he will eventually see the sky.

But he can't do it alone.

There are three important men in Joo Won's life:

His father: Han Ki Hwan

His partner: Lee Dong Sik

His other: Kwon Hyuk

He sent one to prison (who gave him massive daddy issues, let's be honest), he arrested the second (who he had a complicated/queer-coded relationship with) and that just leaves one behind. One left out of three... and you know what? I think in pure Han Joo Won style, he would have become desperate, compulsive and obsessive over Hyuk.

(there aren't enough gifs of Hyuk. It's a crime. I love him so very much.)

They are the remaining sons of a dying dynasty*; a defamed house that is burning down to the ground, ignited by the molotov cocktail that Joo Won threw himself.... lit with the aid of his partner. HE WOULD BECOME SO RELIANT ON HYUK, I can't even begin to explain it.

*someone play Dynasty - Rina Sawayama

Hyuk would become his everything. He would do anything; he would self-sabotage to hell and back if it meant he got to keep the only person left to him. (his last remaining family member) Hyuk is his friend, his forced rival, his pseudo brother, his sore spot, his sweet spot, and someone (depending on your interpretation of the text) he may felt some non-platonic feelings for, at some point in time (i.e, adolescent crush/sexuality awakening/first love kind of situation.... they gave each other funny looks, okay? don't blame me, the Han family is weird!) Joo Won means a lot to Hyuk. He would LOVE Joo Won relying on him, so he would really step up. [[ I think that in the future, this would cause tension between Hyuk and Dong Sik (kind of like: I picked up the pieces you left, bitch. ) ]]

Anyway, anyway, anyway, in summation: I think Joo Won will have a horrible time of it. He would be so focused on keeping himself accountable that he'll end up punishing himself through self-destructive means. He would reach a point where Hyuk is like "enough is enough" and drags Joo Won's self-pitying arse home and sets him straight (lol). Joo Won would try to reconnect with his Lee family (his mother's family) either physically, or privately/mentally, so he can try to find his true identity (outside of his Han heritage/father). I think they'll be a lot of self-discovery, punishment, and an explosive release of 28 years worth of tension. He'll make many mistakes and it'll be a very sad and lonely process. But through Hyuk's guidance and his own need to carry on, he'll learn to grow and uphold his promise: to never treat anyone the way he treated Dong Sik (never hurt ds again). (ep. 12, 34-ish minutes in) I fully expect him to gradually (over many years) finally accept to go to therapy but I think it would take a very troubling (police) case to get him there. I also believe that it would take years for him and Dong Sik to get to a point where they could even consider exploring what the hell they had going on. They need a lot of time to heal and grow; to accept and forgive each other, and themselves.

I LOVE the idea of them being messy idiots for years. Who continuously make mistakes and drive the other insane. But they both stubbornly stay by each other's side like glue because they're cut from the same cloth. (Come on, let's be real, has Joo Won been ever been this comfortable with anyone else? So open and real, so himself in every way; even the ugly and immature parts. Dong Sik has seen every side of him and still accepts him. beautiful. and Joo Won wants to be in Dong Sik's life so desperately, he wants to be good for him and bring him happiness- he wants to make his life easier. according to the script, Dong Sik sees Joo Won as his saviour...... that's heavy. what a beautiful bond) No one understands them the way they understand one another. No one will accept them the way they accept each other. No one else will have the shared trauma and therefore, the patience they need to be with one another. I love the idea of them developing a deep friendship. I read their dynamic as romantic, so I would suspect that at some point along the way, they would explore that side of it. Whether they could make it work or not... I don't know (I hope so)

I am wondering how YJG and SHK feel after this project. Have they experienced similar withdrawal like us?

I'm not too sure. But considering Shin Ha Kyun received an award for his wonderful performance and made a rare appearance on social media to celebrate the 1-year anniversary of Beyond Evil, says that he hasn't forgotten about it. Yeo Jin Goo, on the other hand, can't escape it. He's currently starring in Link: Eat, Love, Kill which is basically a (headache of a show that has massive problems with its tone but is still very charming) het romantic comedy version of Beyond Evil, including basically the same storyline, just told from a different perspective, even including a few of the same actors. So... I don't think he's going to be forgetting any time soon. [We need a season 2, mainly so we get more of these wonderful characters and 10/10 cast/crew. but also because we didn't get an editorial fashion shoot with these two (SHK & YJG) and that is a crime. I said it, someone needs to do time. Joking aside, I don't think they ever will (make a season 2) because if they were to follow jwds's story, they would have to explain some stuff... the actors could see, the audience can see, and the creative team leaned in towards it... so, do they have the bravery to make the show queer? like 100% canon no-second guessing queer. I don't think so.]

So.... yeah. Before I write a 20-million-words about Han Joo Won (which would make me more pathetic than him lol), I'm going to leave this here. Joo Won is a delicious character with so much depth that he can be interpreted in many different ways. I think that's just wonderful.

Just because I see him as a little weirdo who uses kinky sex, drugs and alcohol to punish/explore himself, whilst pretending everything is fine on the outside, and still somehow making it to work (just) on time, *inhale* doesn't mean you or anyone else has to see him that way. He's fab, this show is fab, and you are fab.

Thank you for your message. I hope this answers your questions. I also love talking about this show, so thanks for choosing me to be the person you chat with.

[EDIT: I should include that I think the majority of Joo Won's grieving and destructive behaviour will happen during the almost year-long interlude. I do believe that once he knows that Dong Sik doesn't blame him and actually still feels affection for him, the weight will be lifted and he go down the path of self-forgiveness. He'll mess up and be silly along the way but I fully can see him one day living a relatively normal life, living with someone (preferably a certain someone) who understands and supports him. His future is FULL of love and discovery.]

As always, if anyone wants to add to the conversation, please feel free to do so. I'm sure many will disagree with me and that's okay, this is just my opinion of one of my favourite fictional weirdos.

May he grow and learn to love himself (he deserves so much love, bless him).

Bye for now!

[attemptinghaikyuu]

Joking About Dating A Friend But They Take You Seriously

A/n: I feel like this aligns with my love for fake dating scenarios, it was also just as fun to write as those scenarios

G/n reader

Pretty setter squad (most of them~)

Akaashi Keiji

He freezes on the spot, turning and looking at the smile adorning your face as you look up at your friend. “Boyfriend.” he corrects himself

Maybe it’s stupid but he wishes he had at least been able to tell you his feelings before he knew it was hopeless. If he’d confessed he could have at least known there was nothing he could do right now. Akaashi’s walking away from the two of you as soon as he can. He’s having a hard time not crying after finding out

The next day when you try to talk to him he’s ignoring you. If you’re persistent, he’s still speaking as little as possible

You can tell somethings putting him in a sour mood, so you back off and give him some space, but it hurts being ignored by your crush…

When you talk to Bokuto later and you mention your friend, imagine your surprise when the ace asks “you mean the one you’re dating?”

“What are yo- oh!” You start laughing at that and explain that your friend and you had only been messing around

THE MOMENT BOKUTO TELLS HIM-

He’s sprinting to tell you how he feels and is in literal tears, when you say you feel the same way

Akaashi is going to be such a caring and considerate boyfriend, though he’s also going to be very clingy whenever you’re around that friend… not that you mind <3

Kenma Kozume

He hears it and freezes and at first, his brain doesn’t want to process what he heard

But as soon as it sinks in, he’s shoving his face in his game screen and trying to pretend that it doesn’t matter

He won’t straight up ignore you, but it’s obvious he’s distancing himself from your friendship. Short answers to any questions you ask, zero eye contact, and it’s like he’s shrinking in on himself whenever you’re around

Obviously this upsets you as much as him, and in response you end up hanging around your “girlfriend” more

Kenma sees you hangout with your friend more and only ends up feeling like he’s fully lost you :(

Kuroo being the observant, kind friend that he is, decides he’s going to give the person who played with his friends heart some very special words

He finds your club room and listening into you’re conversation, discovers you trying to figure out what you should do about your crush on Kenma, when it seems like he doesn’t even want you around

He hears your friend say “well sweetie, maybe you need to just tell him~”

It clicks with Kuroo pretty fast that this is a misunderstanding; the teasing tilt to your friends voice and the fact that you literally just said you liked Kenma?

Kenma ends up almost not confessing when he finds out, he feels like a jerk for acting the way he did

But after some convincing from Kuroo, Kenma grabs your hand and squeezing his eyes shut, with his head down, tells you he likes you

Biggest blush when you tell him you like him back, and if it’s possible, gets more flustered when you ask him if this means your dating and tells you yes

Kuroo’s so proud, he takes credit for getting you two together whenever he can

Oikawa Toruu

He’s like “no… because I like them… so they can’t date.. someone else..”

It hurts

It really hurts, and all he wants to do is run up to you and tell you he is so much better then them

But he barely even knows your friend and how could he possibly say that if you’re smiling and laughing, poking the sides of the person who’s making you happy

Oikawa is forcing a happy smile on his face, walking over, and congratulating you and your partner

Except you’re laughing harder when he tells you how lucky you are to be dating someone who makes you so happy

And he can feel his insecurities bubbling up inside him, all while his confusion for your continued laughter grows

But then he here’s your next words

“I- no offense,” you’re barely holding it together when you glance at your friend. “But I’d never date you-”

Hearing these words, which you somehow managed to wheeze out, Oikawa almost falls to his knees to thank whatever god out there for being on his side

His mood has done a complete 180 and as smoothly as he can, is asking you out he’s going for it right now after that heart attack

Is absolutely so smug about you saying yes, and will be parading your relationship around that friend (they’re either really confused or find it really amusing how your boyfriend could be worried about them trying something)

He’s just really happy though, okay? Please, he’s in so deep, he’ll stop being so obnoxious around that friend if you ask

Sugawara Koushi

He can’t breathe for a moment. It’s like everything stops and all he can do is stare at you

The heartbreak he feels as he watches the scene in front of him is honestly too much to take

Suga just walks out

He can’t stay and watch that. He doesn’t want to cry in front of you and than burst out crying that he’s in love with you when you’re dating someone else

He wonders if he’ll be able to face you again, especially when he’s breaking down over just hearing the news of you dating some other friend

Nearly doesn’t hear you shouting his name as you run after him

Only stops when he feels your hand on his shoulder and sees your concerned face come into his line of sight

Try’s to hide his tear stained face by turning away but it’s too late

“Koushi, whats wrong?”

You sound so worried and now he feels like a garbage friend, of course your gonna be freaked out after he runs out and ignores you telling him you’re dating someone

“Sorry, you just surprised me… I didn’t realize how emotional I would get finding out my friend was dating someone,” he has to pause to take a deep breath. “I’m really happy for you though.”

He’s trying so hard and you kinda realize what’s going on

“Sorry to burst your happy bubble then,” you chuckle, grabbing his hands. “But I was just joking around with them, I actually like someone else. Umm, he’s really cute and considerate, and worrying me a bit… I just hope he’s okay though.” Saying this, you pull one hand away to wipe the fresh tears falling from Suga’s eyes

Disbelief filling him, he can only stare at your embarrassed state and wonder how you can make him feel so much

It takes awhile, but with a watery laugh he confesses his feelings and asks if you’d take him as your boyfriend

He’s never gonna stop telling you and anyone who’ll listen, how lucky he is :,)

Atsumu Miya

Is shocked when he hears you say that you and your boyfriend are gonna go on a date later

He doesn’t take the time to process your joking tone

Is steering clear of you and if he does see you? He’s turning the other way without a word

Atsumu has a lot of pride, and he was not going to let you see him in this vulnerable state

He feels guilty about his avoidance when he sees the confused and hurt look on your face as he ignores you trying to talk to him

It’s like at every turn you’re their to make him feel worse about what he’s doing, and when he notices a lack of you he realizes you must’ve stopped trying to talk to him

You giving him space leads to Atsumu feeling worse about it

Him and you dating had seemed so inevitable to him, so he can’t help but feel cheated

And he’s not sure what he’s supposed to do, get over his feelings? Is that what would fix things?

He really misses you, it’s been two weeks and he’s a mess

Samu knows his brother is stupid sometimes, so he tells him to talk to you… and that he’s a dumb ass who misinterpreted the whole situation

He’s so mad for depriving himself of time with you

At this point he could care less if he’s dating you, he was bound to stop and find a way to make peace with just being your friend anyway

But that doesn’t mean he isn’t confessing right after Samu tells him of his mistake

And Atsumu knows he’s never gonna take you for granted after what he just went through

[mammonshuman92]

- It Takes Two - Pt. 2

(Mammon x Gn!MC)

Genre: angst to fluff (the fluff is coming I promise lol)

Warnings: cheating, not proof read , if i missed any TW’s I apologize

“We’re a little busy right now.” A familiar voice, biting and arrogant, came from his lap. His eyes widened, whipping his head around to look at you in his lap. Except it wasn’t you. It was her. His heartbeat accelerated as panic began to set in.

“No, no, no, no, no.” He chanted, standing up in an instant, causing the succubus to fall to the floor with a thud and a few profanities. As events began to unfold and the puzzle pieces started fitting together; when it was already too late, he realized what he’d done. A hard lump instantaneously forming in his throat. He turned to you, eyes wide with terror, hands on either side of his head tangling in his hair.

“MC..I..I-It’s not wh- I thought-” He choked out.

He followed your line of sight, which was glued to his undone pants and obvious arousal. With shaky hands and fingers unwilling to cooperate, he fumbled with his zipper, struggling to get it up. Arms from behind snaked around his middle, gently clawing at his chest. 

“Shall we finish what we started?” She hummed seductively, staring daggers directly at you.

You shook your head, a sob escaping your lips as a fresh wave of tears streamed down your cheeks. You brushed past Asmo, disappearing out the doorway.

What’s goin’ on..? ...This can’t be happenin’..

He shoved the girl’s arms off of him without saying a word, a scowl spreading across her face. He made a beeline for the door, Asmo quickly stepping in front of him to block his way. “Don’t. You’ve done enough..” With venom lacing his tone, he looked the succubus up and down. He turned his glare on his brother for just a moment, the utter disgust they held was evident, before running out the door after you. As his figure disappeared, Mammon could feel the reality, the weight of the situation setting in.

His heart was pounding against his ribcage, breathing becoming erratic. The lump in his throat was unwavering, choking him as tears streamed down his cheeks. The gravity of it all bringing him to his knees.

“How moving.” The voice behind him scoffed, reminding him of her presence, “It almost seems like you love them.”

His head whipped around to see her, lounging casually on the sofa as if nothing had happened.

“You.” He growled, harshly wiping his face with the back of his hand as he stood up.

 “Stay the fuck away from me!” He snarled.

She laughed lightly as she stood from the couch, crossing the floor until she was right in front of him. “Don’t be like that. Ten minutes ago you were ready to nail me on that couch.” She purred, her finger trailing down his chest, quickly moving lower. Like a flash, he grabbed her wrists and held her hands up in the air in front of her.

“Let me make one thing very clear to you right now. I don’t want ya. I only made out with you and shit because I thought ya were MC. I would never willingly do anything to hurt them.” He glared at her, making sure she caught that emphasis, before dropping her hands. “Your jealousy bullshit, and making moves on me while I’m drunk just made me lose the one thing that has ever been good about me..” He trailed off, releasing his grip in her.

She rolled her eyes, “Why are you getting so worked up over a human? There’s nothing special about-”

“Excuse me?” He growled. 

Mammon has always been the level-headed one when it comes to altercations, believe it or not. He never usually lets his anger get the best of him. After thousands of years of being the scummy brother, the thief, the loser, he got used to just letting people’s words fall upon deaf ears, so to say. But, that was not the case this time. You see, anyone could say whatever they wanted to about him, he didn’t care. He could handle whatever was thrown at him. 

You, on the other hand? Well, you’re flawless. In every miniscule way, you were perfect. That’s not saying that you don’t make mistakes, or drive him crazy sometimes, but to him there was absolutely not a thing about you he would change. Everything you did, everything you were, was absolutely immaculate.

Rage bubbled in his gut.

Leaning in closely, he towered over her, radiating ire. “I’m not gonna sit here and discuss why you’re wrong, seein’ as how it’d take all day, but what I am gonna to say is for a lesser demon, ya might wanna reconsider who you’re talking to. He spat, “Say one more thing about MC, and it’ll be the last time ya speak..” He whispered, glaring at her for a moment before taking a step back.

“Stay away from me and MC.” He warned once more, daggers in his eyes as he turned and bolted through the door.

If he had any shred of hope left, it was that you would talk to him and let him explain everything. He knew it was shitty, after everything that just went down, to even consider the possibility of you forgiving him, but he held onto that little shred of hope. Had he been in the right state of mind, had she not taken advantage of the situation and the state he was in, he would’ve never even stayed in the same room with that girl, much less go as far as he had.

He felt awful. Whether he was so drunk he was convinced it was you on his lap or not, he felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. After seeing the horror, the heartbreak on your face; the tears that stained your cheeks because of something he’d done, he kinda didn’t want you to forgive him. He didn’t want to lose you, couldn’t imagine continuing on without you in his life, by his side. But if you hated him now, he wouldn’t blame you. He deserved it. And he would live with it for the rest of his existence, knowing that he messed up his only chance at true happiness; at spending his life with his soulmate.

-

You bobbed and weaved as quickly as you could through the crowd of club patrons, needing to get far away from here as fast as you could, as your impending breakdown was sure to be a sight to see.

You were already so out of it; physically present but mentally, your brain had already shut off. Not quite sure how to handle the current situation. All the faces in the club were just a blur; you could feel the bass of the music reverberating inside your chest, but you couldn’t hear anything. Kind of like when you’re somewhere so quiet, the absence of sound feels so heavy, deafening.

You had to get out of here. Heart hammering wildly, you felt as if you couldn’t breathe; like the walls were closing in on you. A panic attack was setting in. Finally free of the sea of people, you darted out the front door of the establishment, running as fast as your legs would take you back to the House of Lamentation. Hoping that no one else would be home to see you; becoming witness to your unraveling.

-

*bing*

*bing, bing* *bing*

Your D.D.D. continued going off with near constant notifications well into the night. You could’ve just put it on silent, but you just couldn’t seem to move, frozen by heartbreak. Apparently several pictures were going viral on Devilgram, leaking this rumor and that regarding the second born and the succubus. Further making you look and feel like a complete fool.

Mammon had also been blowing up your phone since you made it back to the HOL. He had even come by your room in an attempt to talk to you but once he realized the door was locked, which had never happened the entire time you’ve lived here, he sat outside the door begging you to open it as loud sobs escaped him. As much as you wanted to, you didn’t budge.

Of course you still love him. How could you not? Hearing his desperate pleas and heartbroken sobs was almost too much for you. Although you were the one who had been betrayed, you wanted nothing more than to fling the door open, latch yourself onto him and never let go. But you couldn’t. Cheating is a dealbreaker. It’d happened before, in previous relationships, but shit this one hurt so bad, worse than any other heartbreak you’d had.

He had his faults, much like everyone, but he was so perfect for you, and treated you like you’d always dreamed. This couldn’t really be the end could it? Over, just like that? Completely smitten and in love two days ago, to heartbroken, crying on the bathroom floor. 

How are you supposed to move on from this? He’s your best friend. Or, was. How are you supposed to pass him in the hall, or eat dinner, or have House movie nights in the common room? How are you supposed to act like you're not still in love with him..?

-

The next week was pretty rough, to say the least.

You stayed locked away in your room when you weren’t at RAD; replaying the moment you saw them together, crying until the tears no longer fell; effectively torturing yourself. They’d all come knocking at your door countless times, trying their best to make you feel better. And while you appreciated it wholly, it didn’t help.

Avoiding Mammon was probably one of the hardest things you’d ever done, seeing as how you kinda live together. While it was extremely hard not to just run up to him and latch onto him like you always did, it seemed harder to just avoid him in general. 

During the first few days, he left small presents outside your door, had a couple of his brothers slip you notes, and waited for you after class a few times. After using every ounce of your willpower to avoid him, he left you alone. He still messaged you several times a day though, apologizing profusely, begging you to talk to him.

But, it was better this way right? Like ripping off a band-aid? 

That’s what you’d always heard anyway. Instead of asking questions and demanding answers as to why someone else chose to hurt you, you just cut it off right there, ghosting them; removing yourself completely from their life. Because if they truly cared, really loved you, they wouldn’t make the conscious decision to do something that they know would hurt you, that stepped outside the boundaries of your relationship. Their reasoning doesn’t matter. Aside from living in the same house and attending the same school, you had pretty much ghosted him.

In public anyway. In the privacy of your room, where you could feel everything to its fullest, you’d spend hours going through pictures, skimming Devilgram for any new gossip about the two of them. Re-reading your old text messages, finger hovering over the send button of the text you’d typed out a hundred times before deleting it and tossing your phone, a new wave of tears pricking your eyes.

-

Unable to sleep, he’d tossed and turned in his bed so much that his body ached and one of the corners of his sheet had popped off the bed. With a heavy sigh, he rolled over and grabbed his D.D.D. off the nightstand. Squinting his eyes harshly when he unlocked the phone.

“3:41am” He groaned, tossing the phone back onto the nightstand. He turned back over, facing the empty side of his bed. Sure, he didn’t often share it before you, but once you started sleeping together, he wasn’t sure how he’d ever slept before you came along. It just felt right. Your body molded against his, sleeping peacefully in his arms.

His hand trailed down the cold, empty sheets; the slight disruption releasing your smell. A hard lump formed in his throat as tears pooled behind his lash line. He sat up quickly, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palms. With a heavy sigh, he stood up and grabbed a pair of pajama pants, making his way to the door. If he had any hope of being able to fall asleep again, he’d need some help drowning his thoughts.

He quietly made his way to the kitchen, fully intending to turn up the bottle of Demonus Lucifer kept hidden in the dark recesses of the pantry. As soon as he stepped foot in the kitchen, he froze.

It had only been seven days, but it felt like a lifetime. Seven days without being in the same room as you for more than just a moment before you ran in any direction as long as it was away from him. Not that he could blame you. He wanted to run away from himself..

Which is exactly what he was determined to do with Demonus, had he not stumbled upon you sitting with your back to the fridge, crying into a half eaten container of chocolate frosting. 

Immediately alerted to the figure in the doorway, you jumped up, attempting to wipe at your face as you muttered an apology, but paled when you saw who it was that disturbed you. You slowly sat the container on the counter, keeping your eyes fixed on the man in the doorway.

What was left of his heart, shattered at the sight of you. Your eyes were puffy and red with dark bags underneath them. The same eyes that looked at him with such deep burning love, were now dull and lifeless as you stared at him. You were visibly broken, anyone could see that. He was the reason you looked like this; like an abandoned puppy, beaten and abused. He hated it. Hated himself.

He moved out of the doorway and into the kitchen, freeing up the only way out in case you wanted to run. Not that he blamed you. If he could run from himself right now, he would.

But, now you were in the same room together for the first time in a week and he didn’t want to waste the opportunity. Maybe if he just started talking you would listen, even just a tiny bit to what he had to say.

“MC, I-”

“Don’t.” Your voice trembled slightly as your eyes began to sting.

“Please, just hear me-”

“And what are you going to say, hm? That you’re sorry? Sorry you did it, or sorry you got caught?” You hissed with tears in your eyes. Mammon slightly recoiled from the tone of your voice, a tone he’d never heard from you. You hated being this way; angry and bitter, wanting him to hurt like you did. It was surely petty, but you didn’t care.

“MC, listen, I swear I didn’t do anythin’, okay? I was still goin’ strong from an all night drinkin’ binge, an-and she just showed up in the VIP lounge. I told her to fuck off but she didn’t listen. I was already pretty out of it when things started happenin’ and I thought it was you. I thought it was you the whole time! I-I didn’t know it was her till I heard you and Asmo and realized what happened! She took advantage of the situation, of me bein’ way too drunk..” He was talking so fast, trying to get out the words he’d been wanting to say to you. 

Narrowing your eyes, you stared at him suspiciously.

What if he really didn’t do it on purpose..? If all of that is true, it would explain why he looks so rough..

Having barely stayed in the same room as one another for several days and not wanting to look at him, wanting to remain strong and now cry in front of everyone, you hadn’t noticed but how awful he looked as well. He clearly hasn’t been sleeping well, judging by the giant bags under his eyes. Not to mention that he is also currently awake at 4am, looking just as much like shit as you did.

“Then why is it all over Devilgram that it’s been an ongoing fling?” You questioned, a few tears escaping.

“I would never do anythin’ like that, MC! She’s just jealous or somethin’, I don’t know what her issue is.. But, I-I love ya, more than anythin’ in the three realms. Even Goldie!”

You could feel yourself caving in with every word he said. It made sense, judging by how she’d randomly confronted you after school that day after whispering about you with her friends all day, it seemed like jealousy could be plausible. But what proof did you have? It was his word against what you saw with your own eyes. Not to mention everything on Devilgram.

“Funny, from where I was standing, it sure looked like I was the last thing on your mind.” You hissed, causing him to flinch; but he wasn’t backing down yet.

“Just let me prove it to ya, okay? I-I’ll do whatever I gotta do. Please, MC?” His deep, sapphire blue eyes bore deep into yours; the sorrow, the agony they held was immense. The crack in your armour deepened.

He could see that you were wavering, but that you were hesitant, scared to believe him; to trust him. He couldn’t blame you. If he were on the other side of all this, he wouldn’t believe his words either. He didn’t expect you to just hear him out then jump into his arms and ride away into the sunset. He knew better. He knew he’d have to prove it. He was more than willing to do whatever it would take for you to trust him again, to believe that he’d never hurt you intentionally.

He took a step toward you, careful and anxious, as if you would bolt if he moved too suddenly. He reached out for your hand slowly, reluctant at first but upon realizing how much you’d missed his touch as his warm, much larger hand enveloped yours, you caved so easily.

He squeezed your hand lightly, looking down at your entwined fingers, gently rubbing the side of your thumb. You felt something wet hit your hand a couple times, realizing quickly that they were tears, you attempted to swallow the lump in your throat that was quickly forming.

“Please? I’m miserable without ya..” He asked, voice cracking slightly.

Even after everything that’s happened the last week, you couldn’t stand to see him in such pain; miserable and broken. Just like you.

Sure, he was always stand-offish about his feelings and the like before you got together, but once it was all official, that was it; the walls came down. There had never been a single time that he lied to you or went behind your back with anything. He lasted exactly twelve minutes after buying your birthday present before he couldn’t take it anymore and spilled the beans. 

He’s always a goofball, sometimes has bad timing and isn’t always the best with words, but he’s never given you a reason not to trust him before; he’s never been anything but an amazing boyfriend that genuinely tries his hardest to make you happy.

“One.” You whispered, barely audible. His head snapped up, deep blue eyes scanning yours. You closed your eyes, taking a deep, yet shaky breath.

“One chance. That’s it.”

No sooner than the words left your lips, Mammon was pulling you flush to his chest in a bone crushing hug. Had you not been utterly craving his touch, to be held by him, you would’ve pushed him away. That’s what you told yourself anyway.

“I won’t make ya regret it, MC.” He earnestly swore, squeezing you gently.

For the sake of your heart, you hoped he was right.

~ taglist ~

@ithinkimdekubutreallyimdenki

@maybe-nott

@bandaged-despair

@bokuto7stan

@aliackerman

- part three coming soon -

[mxtxsblog]

SJ wasn't a monster to LBH.

I imagine you had noticed that I have a new baby, Shen Jiu.

Yes, I binged all SVSSS (the animation, not yet all the book) and the character I devote myself to he’s the character who appears for roughly 10 seconds. This is art.

Never fear, I will return to Xue Yang rants soon.

But anyway. I love love love love SJ and he 100% deserved better and if you don’t love him, I suggest blocking me.

Because I love my precious hateful baby and no, I’m not gonna stop.

So, SJ is not just a misunderstood villain, is THE misunderstood villain. I mean, all of his crimes were false (aside from his cruelty against LBH)!!!

Killing his martial brother? He was trying to save him! (a man who despised, humiliated, hurt him)

Going to brothels? For being able to sleep, FFS!

And so go on.

In the end, he was innocent or had excusable circumstances.

So I really want to take every accusation against him with a grain of salt, because the truth was (incredibly!) different.

And with all those lies, it’s interesting that no other student said that he was cruel against them, too.

So, I present you my theory (and I consider this canon): SJ wasn't a monster to LBH.

Yes, he was cruel. Yes, he mistreated and humiliated him. No, he wasn't a monstrous abusive scum.

(really broken emotional English under the cut)

In MXTX's novels harsh and physical discipline is expected and well-tolerated. Yes, SJ was way crueler than the norm (YQY told him about it, after all), but I don't think it was anything similar to what SJ had to suffer as a slave (or the petty cruelty that Xue Yang).

Proofs:

1- No other abused students. Strange, if SJ was so cruel.

2- Ning Yingying wasn't disgusted by the situation, only annoyed by the cruelness of the other boys. She even told LBH to go to Shizun to ask for help. Yes, she could be naive, but she was not a stupid girl.

3- LBH wasn't crippled, nor killed. If SJ really wanted to do this, he had the opportunity to do it.

4- All the peaks lords hated the demons. I have no doubt every one of them would have tried to kill LBH during the reveal.

5- At the start of the series, LBH doesn't hate/despise his shizun, even if he's living in poor conditions. So they weren't so poor?

6- The list of sufferings the system makes at the start isn't monstrous.

I'm not saying that SJ was right in his treatment of LBH! He was wrong, he abused his power and he was unfair! It was terrible, calling him a beast, not doing anything about the bullying, using lots of physical discipline, all of this.

But he wasn't a monster. He wasn't. What LBH did to him was disproportionate retribution (and how!!! Even canon said every sin against him was multiplied by 1000!).

If the tragic backstory of our villain protagonist woobie destroyer of the world, evil overlord, is "my teacher was mean to me", it really sucks. Overlord LBH is a disgusting torturer, petty, cruel, power-hungry. I really can't understand because so many people consider him justified. In universe, I can see it: a parody of violent protagonists loved by the readers.

I like overlord LBH! I love the beast. I love reading fics in which he is a monster. But I would never consider him good.

In a fandom that loves to villainy JC because he killed demonic cultivators (a rumor? self-defense? etc.), I'm surprised people love overlord LBH without irony but I didn't really expect anything better.

So, why in the world is LBH so hungry for vengeance? Why does he want to hurt hurt hurt (years of torment, right?) SJ? Why didn't he kill SJ and the hell with it? (as WXX did with the Wens who destroyed his home and killed his sect?) Why did he want to hurt him in a very personal way, reducing him to his plaything?

And no mistakes, LBH doesn't care about the other supposed crimes. Or yes, he cares because they are the proof that SJ was evil, his ticket to get a SJ to abuse torment torture forever. His reassuring that there was nothing good, nothing to save about his man. His tool to destroy SJ's reputation (even if he did have a poor reputation, to begin with).

I think it was because LBH was obsessed with SJ. Has always been, will forever be. A visceral heartbreaking soulcrushing mindsplattering obsession. So everything not good (so, everything) that SJ did to LBH, for him it was a critical point, please multiply x1000.

His cruelty, his neglect, his indifference, for many others would have been not so serious, in the end. But LBH's obsession made them the worst.

You don't torture destroy abuse a man for years if you didn't care for him. Just kill him. And what about when LBH told SJ he killed YQY?

LBH wasn't satisfied. Because he realized that SJ didn't lack a heart, he just didn't care for HIM.

And the extra when he meets a new Shizun? His reaction is not "Sick! A version of that bastard is married to a version of me, this really sucks!" but "Yes, Shizun, love me, fuck me, come home with me, be mine forever". Years after his SJ died, we have to guess. And STILL he's stuck in his obsession.

So yeah. I don't buy that SJ was a monster, but yes, he was wrong and he had to be stopped. But what LBH did to him was terrible and uncalled for.

(I am skeptical about the fact that SJ ordered his students to bully LBH. I really don't buy it, I think he simply didn't care it happened and was very harsh with him. But this is off the point).

In the end, LBH didn't care about right or wrong, he just wanted to possess SJ, and if he couldn't have him as a lover or a human pet, he would have had him as a plaything. That's all.

I think that if SJ wasn't cruel to him, but just didn't care about him, LBH would have been obsessed as well, maybe he would have kept him as a human pet to molest to his heart desire.

In the end, sure there are parallels between LBH and SJ's cruel situations.

But SJ was way way worse. For once, he was a slave, he couldn't escape, meanwhile, LBH could decide to go away anytime (and he didn't). I think SJ wanted him to go away because LBH really viscerally disgusted him, and so he hoped to drive him away. But LBH never did (and Xiao Jiu would have loved to be in his shoes and just go away).

Additionally, LBH was deeply obsessed with a man who was beautiful, elegant, interesting, but he didn't know almost anything about him. A sort of 1 d scum villain. If he had known the truth... I think this obsession would have multiplied (off cart, and it was already of the world). Because this wonderful broken man is even more interesting. I think he would have felt better to know he was in deep obsession with a so contradictory charming broken man. (So yes, all hail fics in which LBH discover the truth and it makes him even more obsessed).

To conclude: In the end, LBH became a monster, and SJ didn't.

To conclude 2: SJ suffered worse than LBH and went away saner (he wasn't, but LBH is worse).

[kenganenjoyer]

Yandere Meguro ? Yandere Hayami? Headcanon

Woooooo my first ask! Sorry I took a bit longer than I thought I would. Meguro and Hayami are a few of my favorites from kengan and I wanted to get their characters right. I hope you enjoy! ^_^

Yandere Meguro and Hayami Headcanons

Yandere Meguro

It’s rare for Meguro to develop close relationships with people. Most of the time he ends up either killing them or scaring them off immediately. You however were the one exception. You didn’t run like the others and despite his bloodlust something in him always held him back. “Just a little longer… I’ll probably kill them tomorrow...” he thought to himself day after day until months had passed and he could no longer imagine a life without you by his side.

Being in a relationship with Meguro certainly has its challenges but as a yandere his temperament and behavior can become much worse and often range from difficult to downright deadly depending on the circumstances.

Meguro is definitely not one to hide his emotions. Both in a good and a bad way.

He’ll happily wrap you up in his arms and nuzzle his head against your face or the crook of your neck while giving you a few sloppy licks and kisses at the same time. He doesn’t care if you’re alone or in public. He loves you and wants you to know that.

On the other hand if he feels like someone is getting too friendly around you he won’t hesitate to try and throw them. It doesn’t matter if he’s in public or if he does it in front of you, he won’t let them off unharmed if they dare to come near his beloved. It takes a lot of time, reassurance, and trust for you to be able to talk him down but eventually he’ll calm down and go back to what you two were doing a few moments before as if nothing happened.

He sees nothing wrong with hurting other people especially if he thinks they’re trying to get between you and him. He has never really had the best moral compass, that is if he even had one to begin with. After all, Katsumasa can always help him cover it up anyways.

He won’t tie you up or lock you in a room but he will follow you EVERYWHERE. At first you think it’s cute. The way he’s always just a few steps behind you, trailing you like a lost puppy. It becomes a lot less cute once you realize he practically never lets you out of his sight and it's nearly impossible to out run him.

The longer you stay with him the more protective and clingy he gets. He has a tendency to pull you closer to himself whenever he wants attention, trapping you in his arms. If you try to push him away he’ll just laugh it off and hold you even closer thinking you’re just playing and definitely not being crushed under his overwhelming strength. You’ll have to help him realize his own strength to avoid getting injured from one of his “cuddling sessions”.

I swear he could probably smell if other people have been near you and if he finds out he’ll sulk and wrap you up in his arms refusing to let you go until you reassure him that it was nothing to worry about.

Flat out rejecting him or trying to leave the relationship is probably the worst thing you can do. Meguro may be used to physical pain but complicated emotional pain is new to him; it hurts, it doesn’t feel good at all, and it won’t go away. He would probably end up cornering you with bloody tears streaming down his face questioning why you would do this to him when he loves you so much.

Meguro is more likely to become violent or hurt you in the heat of the moment in response to the heartbreak and emotional pain so it's crucial to choose your words and actions very carefully in that kind of situation.

Yandere Hayami

On the surface dating Hayami seems pretty normal for the majority of your relationship. He’s a kind, polite man who cherishes you and never fails to show you how much you mean to him. Your relationship couldn’t be better! It’s only by chance that you notice one of the little flaws in his facade and from there everything you knew about the man you loved begins to fall apart bit by bit.

Hayami believes that everything he does is simply out of his love for you. All the pictures he takes without you knowing? He just wants to capture the precious moments he spends with you! The tracking program he secretly set up on your phone? What caring boyfriend wouldn’t want to know his partner is safe. It's all for your sake or at least that’s what he tells himself.

Hayami wouldn’t try to kidnap you or drug you, at least not during the beginning of your relationship. No need to ruin a good thing…. and yet the persistent feeling of wanting to truly have you all to himself slowly starts to grow inside of him until it's nearly unbearable.

Despite his intimidating build, Hayami’s smile and calm demeanor would make you none the wiser when it comes to his yandere side. Sure he acts a bit awkward from time to time but you usually brush it off as nothing. Everyone acts a little weird sometimes, right?

Most of the time he plays his obsessive infatuation off as protectiveness instead. When the two of you are out in public he almost always holds your hand or has his arm around you. It's a sweet and innocent gesture but in reality it only feeds his desire to have you closer to him and away from everyone else.

He gets really anxious if you don’t answer his calls. It drives him crazy and he can’t help but think the worst. He’ll go out of his way to find where you are and secretly follow you just for “safety” reasons of course. When you come home he’ll tell you how worried he was, how much he missed you, and how he was nervous something had happened to you even though he was basically stalking you all day after you wouldn’t answer his first few messages and calls.

He doesn’t necessarily enjoy being mean or hurting others but he’ll do what he has to do. Love and relationships come with sacrifice after all and if it’s for you he’d do just about anything. He just wishes they would stop looking at you and leave you alone and if the only way to communicate that to them is through violence then he won’t turn down a fight.

Hayami would never attack someone in front of you. He wouldn’t want you to worry or scare you so he’ll just wait for the right time to get rid of them. If he gets blood on his clothes he’ll usually just crack a joke about how his brother wanted to have a little last minute practice match.

When you finally piece together that something is clearly off with Hayami and go to confront him he’ll go silent before putting on his signature smile and confessing that everything he’s done was simply because he cared about you. He genuinely believes that you would understand why acted the way he did, why he had to dispose of the people that were only going to get in between you two.

Even if you explain how you feel, Hayami would still be in denial, thinking that his actions are in your best interest and that you are probably just confused or scared. Why else would you try to leave your loving boyfriend behind?

Even if you reject him or try to run away Hayami wouldn’t use force or violence against you unless it was a last resort. He’ll patiently and gently pin you down or carry you back making escape rather futile. That still doesn’t mean he isn’t hurt by your attempts to leave him. Each time you resist or try to run his chest tightens and the emotional pain comes flooding back.

[sneezefiction]

untouchable | vii

Atsumu x Reader

desc: in which an accidental run-in with pro volleyball player, Atsumu Miya, at a 7/11 leads to a strangers-to-lovers situation… but the catch is, you have no idea that he’s famous.

warnings: slight language, anxiety

wc: 3.2k

part 6 ⚬ part 7 ⚬ part 8 (coming soon)

untouchable m.list

—

“Here ya go.”

Osamu sets down a small cup of water, letting it clink against the bar’s granite surface. There’s no ice in it, but you can tell by the condensation on the glass that it’s cold. Osamu tosses a plastic straw toward you and it lands conveniently right next to your cup.

Throwing him a quick smile, you reach to take a sip but pause when you hear the click and gentle hiss of a drink can.

You’d know that sound anywhere.

It’s a reminder of street vending machines and roadside shops. Of summer walks on hot pebbled pathways and after-class escapades with old high-school friends. 

But, just to be sure, you glance over to study the object in the hands of the man next to you.

Yes, you confirm, Miya Atsumu has indeed brought a can of green tea into his brother’s restaurant. And, yes, you are quite amused.

You choke down the rising laughter in your chest, though you can’t hide the small smile creeping onto your lips. This is the dorkiest thing you think you’ve ever seen on a not-date before.

 “Where the hell were you hiding that?” You tilt your head, leaning toward him to get a closer look at the drink.

“You’ll see.” Completely unfazed, he reaches for his coat, which hangs on the back of the chair, and digs into the pocket…

And, if what you’re seeing is true, he’s just fished out a second can. The paper covering the aluminum has a pink, floral print and reads, “Matcha-” but his thumb covers the rest of the lettering.

“What? Did you want one?” Atsumu tilts his head and places the can next to your water glass.

You stare at it, curious about two things. 

The first thing being his massive fucking pockets. They must be something of a void for him to fit two whole cans in the same pouch. Well, it’s more like you assume they were contained in a single pocket. Otherwise, you would’ve noticed a sloshing, aluminum object bumping up against your side as you two walked arm-in-arm.

The second thing that struck you is that he actually thought to bring two. Did he plan on drinking both? Was it originally for his brother? Or did he intend to offer you one right from the start? 

You do happen to like this brand of tea.

Atsumu leans back into his chair, tossing an arm over the back of the seat. “My friend tells me it’s good for digestion,” he explains and takes a sip.

“My digestion is just fine, thanks. You can keep it.” 

Your eyes crease in mirth. He has some interesting friends, that’s for sure. And why does he care about digestion? He’s fit and muscular and... is he constipated or something?

Yeah, that’s not something you should ask about.

“I’m gonna try not to imagine what else you could be hiding in those pockets,” you say, twisting your face in concern and pinching your eyebrows together.

Atsumu grimaces, shifting in his seat. “Did ya have to say it like that?” 

“I think I have every right to say it like that. You could be a freak for all I know.”

“Um, I think it’s entirely possible that you’re the freak here.” He shoots right back at you through mock-judgmental eyes.

Your jaw drops in amused surprise. You shove his arm playfully, but his balance hardly wavers. He grins in response, golden eyes glimmering. Your hand lingers briefly as you mimic his smile, but you notice and drop it quickly.

“Gettin’ comfortable now aren’t we?”

A faint flush dances across your skin. Maybe you were being a little touchy… but flirting hasn’t been this fun in so long. Anyway, he was the one who had you walking arm-in-arm with him earlier.

That thought alone makes your heart jump.

You look away, grasping the straw in your glass and twirling it around. “You got all comfy first,” is all you can huff out.

“Well, yeah.” Atsumu places an elbow on the table and props his chin up with his hand, “I mean, this is a date isn’t it?” He takes another sip of his drink, acting as though what he said wasn’t headline news.

Huh?

So apparently this whole not-a-date but possibly-a-date situation had an obvious answer… to Atsumu that is. It still felt about as clear as rocket science to you though.

“Is it?” The words flow from your lips before you can stop them.

He blinks. “Hm.” 

You swallow, “Is this a date?” 

He gestures a hand at the two of you, “I mean... I thought it was.”

Well, yes. You’re both sitting across from each other. Neither of you knows the other well. Atsumu had taken you to his brother’s restaurant.

Everything that’s happened in the past hour screams, “date.”

And, yet, it’s all too strange.

Suddenly the wooden barstool is much less comfortable. You readjust, crossing your dangling legs. You can hear every uneven as it leaves your body - hopefully his ears aren’t too keen.

Did you really change the atmosphere with just a few words?

Should you have assumed that this was a date from the beginning? But you were protecting yourself… 

Thank God Osamu is in the back right now. You don’t think you could handle someone else (especially your date’s brother) hearing this conversation. The embarrassment would be way too real.

“But if you’re not okay with it bein’ a date, then that’s okay.” Atsumu is quick to speak, straightening up in his chair. “I probably forgot to clarify…” He searches your gaze for any change in reaction.

Yeah, he’s probably not adept at these sorts of situations. But neither are you.

There’s a noticeable tint to his cheeks. You’re sure it must burn because your own face has already burst into flames. Great, you’ve made him feel like he’s screwed up. 

Atsumu mumbles a quiet “shit” under his breath, which would’ve found funny if it weren’t for your own pounding heartbeat.

Dammit, how can you salvage this? You might as well be fanning a flame at this point. If you weren’t careful, you could burn this entire opportunity to the ground. 

“Ah, that’s not what I mean,” You respond, waving your hands out in front of you, “I just- I don’t know, you never said anything about it being a date over text, so I just assumed it wasn’t. Not that I would mind it being one...”

If you keep talking, the words will only get more muddled. You clamp your mouth shut so as to not say anything ridiculous.

Suddenly, the blank wall opposite the blonde is very interesting. Maybe if you survive the next 5 minutes you’ll suggest that ‘Samu add some art pieces to soften the stark white paint. It might also make avoiding eye-contact a little easier.

Despite not wanting to face him, you can’t exactly ignore the man sitting an arm’s length away from you. You glance back to him, bracing yourself for a face wrought with confusion.

But Atsumu looks… amused? Relieved? The lines of worry on his forehead have smoothed back out.

Well, whatever emotion he’s conveying, it’s better than the ones you saw earlier.

“Alright, then how about you tell me whether you want this to be a date or not?”

You bite your lip in thought. Partly because a male has just respectfully asked you if you’d like to go on a date (a date you’re already on.) That, in itself, is a rare sight indeed. 

But mostly because he actually wants to go on a date with you.

Did you really meet him only a month ago? Was he ever a stranger to you?

He’s a little too friendly for that. But friendly isn’t the right word. Atsumu is understanding. And simple… but in a good way. Things are smooth like velvet when you’re around him.

You, who’s been shit out of luck over the past few years. You, who had to frantically accept a less than ideal job after moving away from your entire support system. You, who tried to abate loneliness with blind dates and Tinder matches... but only ever ended up shoving breadsticks in a bag before escaping through the backdoor of a mediocre restaurant.

After all the tears and life changes and dating apps and heartbreak, you finally have a choice that you can make by yourself without any serious repercussions.

And it’s a simple yes or no question.

“I’m gonna say, yeah. This is a date.”

A grin that could light up the city of Tokyo spreads across his face. You don’t know why he’s so happy, but it’s making your heart do somersaults in your chest.

���That’s what I was hoping you’d say.” He grabs his drink, taking another sip.

Even you can feel the earnest smile on your face reaching your eyes. 

“So, can I ask ya somethin’?”

You sit up in silent anticipation. “Uh… sure.”

Atsumu clears his throat, looks away from you and runs a hand through the waves of his hair. Given Atsumu’s display of nerves, someone watching from the outside might think that this man was either about to break up with you or propose marriage.

Thank God it couldn’t be either of those things. But your hands clasp at your thighs anxiously anyway.

“Why’d you want to see me again?”

You find yourself holding your breath, letting his question sink in. 

It’s a good question. An important question. Why exactly are you here? With him?

You’re usually better about setting your intentions before you dive into something new. Plotting out big decisions has saved your ass a multitude of times.

But this opportunity fell into your lap at the most peculiar of times.

In all honesty, you didn’t give his request too much thought. Hell, you didn’t even ask him if he’d give you time to think about your decision. 

Thinking back, you really should’ve been way more careful… but you’re already here.

You lean back into your chair and meet his gaze head-on. 

“Do you want an honest answer? Or would you rather me make something up?” You ask, a glimmer in your eye.

“Oh, yeah I love bein’ lied to, go right ahead.” He throws you a look through squinted eyes.

You laugh, “I’m assuming that’s sarcasm.”

“And you’d be right.” Atsumu’s chin sinks back into his hand, awaiting your honest answer.

You give yourself a moment to breathe, leaning back into your chair and relaxing your body.

It’s best to keep things brief - you’d hate to overwhelm him with your own life. And something tells you he has his own complicated shit to deal with. 

“I’ve had a rough few years here and my social life is about as interesting as a brick right now.” You glance over to him, “Plus you seemed a little weird. But fun.”

This is all true. But there’s so much more you’d like to say.

Stuff like, 

“You’re so easy to be around.”

“Your voice is comforting.”

“I’ve felt like shit but you’ve given me something good to think about.”

“I feel a little less lonely lately and I think it’s because of you.”

But you know that would be overstepping some major boundaries. You’d play it cool and keep your thoughts to yourself for now.

“A bit blunt, but I’ll take it.” He quirks an eyebrow.

“Hey, you’re pretty blunt yourself.” You fake a frown, but can’t suppress your smile for long.

“Okay, sure, I’m not the most tactful… but you should’ve seen me in high school.” He sighs, eyes growing fuzzy with memories. 

But he’s quick to snap back to the present.

You snort. “I bet you were a hoot.”

Osamu’s voice rings from the back, “He was a lot more than that.”

So he was listening in, your cheeks burn a little at the thought. 

“Oi, shaddup, ‘Samu.” He lifts his head, calling back with a playful growl in his voice.

“I have video evidence, don’t tempt me to share it,” Osamu warns, but he gets back to business.

Your eyebrows raise. Now that’d be fun to see.

He notices your curiosity but is quick to furrow his brows. “Oh, no, no. I want you to get to know me, but not that well,” Atsumu says, slightly perturbed. 

“Not yet, at least.” He adds, after a few seconds.

Your eyes soften. 

That makes sense. 

Although, you hadn’t even expected him to show you the videos. You’d just wanted to tease him a little since that seems to be something he’s very comfortable with. You like that it’s a “not yet” instead of a “never,” though.

But instead of continuing this part of the conversation, you divert to asking his question back to him.

“Well, I think it’s your turn to tell me why you asked me out.”

And you swear you must’ve just said something ridiculous because he looks hilariously surprised. Like a deer in headlights. A jammed highway of car-headlights with the brights on full blast.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d guess that he hadn’t even thought about it. That or he didn’t want to tell you.

Either way, you deserve to know at least this much. You wait with your hands placed patiently in your lap and a trained indifference in your eyes.

—

Okay, so maybe he’s not the sharpest crayon in the box.

Atsumu knows he has a good reason for asking you out… he really does. 

But it wasn’t the kind of reason one could eloquently verbalize. I mean, shit, what does Atsumu do that is eloquent?

It was more of a gut feeling than anything else. 

But he’s sure if he told you that he wanted to date you based on “instinct” that you’d laugh and promptly flee the restaurant like a prison escapee jumping the walls holding them captive.

He pulls himself together because he’s sure you can sense his discomfort. He’s never been great at disguising his emotions - he’d only ever learned to mask them with nonchalance and angry outbursts… and that’s a no-go when it comes to the press. Atsumu had to drop those reactions like a hotcake.

“I…” he swallows but gives a wry smile, “Y’see… I live a bit of a complicated life.”

He scans your face like he’s searching for his next words within your eyes. But you’re must be a blank page because they don’t come to him.

“Okay, now, don’t go telling me you’re wanted for some sort of federal crime.” You tease him as your lips brush against your straw, lightening the atmosphere in the process.

Atsumu’s lips open to let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding in. “Ah, ya got me. That’s exactly what I was gonna say.” He responds dryly.

“That’s so sad. And I really thought this was going well, too.” You hum and take a sip of water.

He clears his throat, loosening his shoulder with a stretch. For someone who’s lived most of his adult life in the limelight, he hasn’t had to talk about it much. People either know he’s famous or they don’t.

You’re so kind. You listen well. There’s something about you that he’s magnetized by. Something that continuously draws him back in.

So if you were to learn about his life and see him differently? It would be a door slamming into his face, sealing his fate to be a really fucking lonesome bachelor. Which is a funny concept until you are the lonely bachelor.

So what exactly is he supposed to tell you?

Out of habit, his hand reaches for his hair… but he freezes before he can run his fingers through it.

Because the words are coming to him like a lone flower petal drifting to the ground. Soft and solemn.

He asked you out because his chest hasn’t ached like this in so long.

The warmth you’ve brought him in such a short time flares inside of him; why should those flames to die down anytime soon?

Because when’s the last time he spoke with somebody new and felt so normal? He’d never craved simple conversation back in high school. Even in his early 20’s, he’d just been searching for quick flings and easy getaways - those were easy to manage and feelings almost never got involved.

But being with you is like honey to hot, bitter tea. Like chowing down on a hot meal when he’s hungry.

No, it’s not easy to explain, but your presence is somehow satiating to his soul. Osamu even said that he’s been “less of a dick” since he started talking with you, so that must count for something.

You don’t need to know all of that. That’d be really weird. But if you were already being honest with him (even if you hadn’t spilled your entire life’s story) then he can be honest with you. 

But with this groundbreaking realization comes the hard part. Saying it out loud. And while he’s sometimes smooth in terms of flirting, he’s absolute shit at explaining himself.

The words come out slow and awkward. “I’ve been havin’ a hard time with… people.” 

Okay, that’s not at all what he meant to say. 

There are a million things you could’ve gleaned from that useless sentence. ‘I have a hard time with people?’ I mean, if that didn’t sound like a red flag, then what does?

“Oh, really?” Your eyes are wide and thoughtful and he swears he sees a glint of amusement flash through them. 

Shit, this would be harder than he thought. 

“Well, dating in particular, but that’s because my life is out of wack.” He presses on, but it only comes out worse.

Maybe he should’ve taken that communications class back in high school. It would’ve saved his ass in his interviews and, more importantly, here.

You nod along, folding your arms. “Mhmm.”

It’s both unfair and such a relief that you’re finding his verbal blunders funny. 

“Okay, gimme a minute, this is comin’ out all wrong.”

“Take your time,” you smile and your eyes crinkle. “I’ll be here all night.” 

But is it possible to soften what he’s about to say? To give you something to chew on rather than a bunch of information to choke on?

Being candid with you is the only fair way to do this. If he isn’t straightforward with you, you could end up getting hurt. Even being with you here at his brother’s restaurant is a risk — he should’ve thought through that decision better too. Not that he visits his brother there in person much, but it’s still not a gamble he likes to make.

Anyway, what’s done is done. He’s just got to tell you.

Atsumu sits up, resting his clenched fists on his thighs and knitting his brows together.

“Listen, I’m not sure how to tell you this…”

You shift in your seat, mouth closed and eyes fixed on his. There’s a tension in your posture, but he tries not to let it deter him.

“But I’m...”

—

[nothing-more-than-hot-leaf-juice]

Moment that hurt the most.

This moment: 

{Image: Iroh laying on his back after getting shot by Azula and Zuko kneeling down next to him with his wrists covering his eyes as he bows his head.}

(The Chase, Book 2)

Because the fact that Iroh is hurt by itself is hard enough, but it’s the context that makes it more heartbreaking.

Up until this point, we’ve seen how much of a positive influence Iroh is on Zuko. He’s been the only one there for Zuko at all times. He’s the one who’s protected Zuko and given him unconditional love. And Zuko’s been angry and difficult, we’ve seen that. And in most series where there’s a clear villain, you’d expect it to be framed like ‘Iroh is way too nice to Zuko, who is a huge asshole.’ But it isn’t. Instead, as we get the context of Zuko’s banishment and as we see how Iroh treats Zuko in season 1, Iroh and Zuko’s relationship becomes clear to us as full of unconditional love, but with barriers that make it difficult for them to communicate that love. Through the series, we see those barriers get knocked down. 

In the first episodes, we see Zuko yell at Iroh and generally act like a brat, but it’s also clear that Iroh is the one person that Zuko is comfortable around. Iroh’s the one person who vouches for Zuko and is genuinely rooting for this kid. But it’s clear that he’s not rooting for Zuko to capture the Avatar necessarily, instead, he’s rooting for Zuko to stop hating himself and to stop endangering his own life.

But the thing is, Zuko doesn’t know how to accept it. At all. He’s convinced himself that he doesn’t deserve Iroh’s unconditional love. Zuko was conditioned by his father to believe that in order to be loved, he had to be worthy. 

Zuko is consistently surprised whenever Iroh is proud of him or whenever Iroh shows up to protect him. In The Southern Air Temple, when Iroh protects Zuko from Zhao’s illegal hit after the Agni Kai ended and said “disgraceful, even in exile my nephew is more honorable than you”. Zuko’s still surprised that after Zhao did an objectively dishonorable thing after the match, Iroh openly chose Zuko’s side and stood up for him.

“Did you really mean that Uncle?” 

Zuko’s used to people pushing him away. He’s used to having to prove his worth. He’s used to there being a bar for him to have to reach and then when he finally does, the bar just gets moved up higher. Iroh doesn’t have a bar for Zuko. He doesn’t want Zuko to improve himself to meet a standard, rather, he wants Zuko to improve himself in order to be happy and to find self-realization. 

There’s the more obvious moment at the end of season 1 with the “ever since I lost my son, I think of you as my own”. 

“You don’t have to say it, Uncle” 

This scene has already been talked about before, but let’s look at it again. Iroh tells Zuko that he needs to be safe when he goes down to the water and says “ever since I lost my son... I think of you as my own.” This is the first time in the series it’s mentioned that Iroh had a son. That detail itself gives us more insight into Iroh’s motivations. We can look at his actions in the context of ‘he couldn’t protect Lu Ten, so he’s going to do everything in his power to keep Zuko safe’. But it’s also clear that Iroh doesn’t expect or want Zuko to be Lu Ten. It is clear, and it has been clear for the entirety of season one, that Iroh unconditionally loves Zuko. Iroh’s followed Zuko across the world, accepted him for his faults while still wanting him to improve, and is the only person we’ve seen show genuine affection for him. 

This scene confirms that unconditional love, but it also reveals that Zuko doesn’t know how to accept it. We already know that Zuko cares about Iroh (mainly from the episode where Zuko forgoes chasing Aang in favor of rescuing Iroh from the earthbenders, which is one of the first truly selfless acts we see Zuko do), but this scene reveals that the reason Zuko pushes away from Iroh isn’t that he doesn’t want his Uncle’s love, but because Zuko thinks he doesn’t deserve it. Zuko says “you don’t have to say it” because he thinks that it’s something that’s harder for Iroh to say rather than something hard for him to hear. Iroh believes it. He loves Zuko and wants him to be safe, but Zuko doesn’t think Iroh has a reason to and can’t wrap his head around it. So he bows as a sign of respect and tells Iroh that they’ll meet again “after [he] finds the Avatar” because Zuko’s convinced that in order to earn love, he has to prove himself. Finding the Avatar is the task he was dealt to earn love, so he focuses on that when met with affection. Iroh hugs him and Zuko just doesn’t understand why. He doesn’t think he’s earned it. 

In season 2, the first episode dives a little deeper into this block that Zuko has. When Azula lies to them about Ozai wanting Zuko back, Iroh is able to look at the situation objectively whereas Zuko can only focus on the ‘my father doesn’t think I’m worthless after all’ smoke and mirrors. Iroh sees the situation for what it is: Ozai was needlessly cruel to Zuko and if Zuko returns, that’s what he’s going to be met with. For season 1, Iroh went along with Zuko on his Avatar hunt to make sure he didn’t make stupid, life-threatening decisions and to emotionally support him, but capturing the Avatar was never Iroh’s goal. He didn’t want Zuko to return to the father that scarred him and banished him for not wanting to fight. 

So when Zuko is going to take Azula’s offer to return home, Iroh’s protective instincts kick in, but he has to be explicit about it. He has to say the hard truth in order to keep his kid safe.  

“Father’s realized how important family is to him. He cares about me.” 

“I care about you! I mean, if Ozai wants you back, well, I think it might not be for the reasons you imagine.” 

Iroh all but explicitly says “Zuko, Ozai mistreated you and doesn’t care about you. If you return, he’s going to hurt you.” But he has to say it, because after three years Zuko still doesn’t want to believe it and is now making a decision that could endanger his life. 

And Zuko still rejects this. He lashes out and insults Iroh, accusing him of being jealous of his more successful younger brother. Zuko tells Iroh “you don’t know what my father thinks of me. You don’t know anything.” He’s still holding onto the notion that Ozai’s ‘love’ is something he can win, one way or another. Iroh is the one to recognize the fault in that logic and all he can do it be by Zuko’s side to protect him when shit goes down (which it does). 

When the fact that Ozai doesn’t care about Zuko becomes harder to ignore after Zuko finds out that Azula was going to take them as prisoners and his “father considers [him] a miserable failure”, he’s still not ready to accept unconditional love. That fact becomes clear in The Swamp and Avatar Day. 

“Do you like your new tea set?” 

The scene where Zuko gets mad about begging escalates when Iroh is publically humiliated in order to get them a gold piece. Zuko can’t firebend and the man’s dual swords are taunting him. Those are his weapons and he’s helpless to do anything for Iroh in this situation. Iroh dances as the man swipes knives at his feet and all Zuko can do is watch. What he was raised on was the mentality that he had to prove his parental figures his worth. Zuko was convinced that Iroh providing for him wasn’t how it should be and hates the situation. So he overcompensates: he goes on a crime spree and doesn’t just steal food, he steals gold in order to buy Iroh a fancy tea set. 

Iroh tells Zuko that he doesn’t need things to be happy and Zuko gets stuck. He doesn't see a clear way to prove his worth to Iroh anymore and he still doesn’t know how to just accept love without working for it. So he leaves. Zuko decides that “they no longer have anything to gain by traveling together” not because he doesn’t want to be with his Uncle, but because Zuko no longer sees how he is useful to Iroh. Zuko would rather be alone than be a burden, emotionally or otherwise. 

And in The Chase, we find out that Iroh has been following Zuko this whole time. Iroh knows that Zuko needs space to figure himself out, but is always going to be there to keep him physically safe. 

Despite the fact that he left Iroh, despite everything, Iroh was still there. Zuko didn’t really have time to grasp this fact, but Iroh showing up when he got knocked out showed Zuko that yes, this love is unconditional. Iroh’s just going to be there for him and that’s that. Zuko isn’t past the ‘love must be earned’ mentality, but this gesture means so much to him after he felt alone and directionless for weeks. 

Then Iroh gets shot by Azula as he’s standing right next to Zuko. 

And what’s going through Zuko’s head right now is something along these lines:

He knows his Uncle was there to protect him even when Zuko left 

He’s convinced himself that he’s been a burden on his Uncle, just like his dad treated him as 

He didn’t have time to thank Iroh for being there anyway 

Iroh got hit because he followed Zuko and acted as his protector

Zuko wasn’t able to protect Iroh 

So now this person, the one person who was there for him and who always believed in him despite everything is hurt and for all he knows, might not survive, is on the ground and unconscious because Zuko couldn’t protect his Uncle the way his Uncle protected him. And Zuko regrets everything at this moment. He regrets the fact that he left. He regrets not taking Iroh’s advice. He regrets not being a more skilled firebending. He regrets not being able to give back what Iroh gave him in terms of protection. 

And he’s convinced that he’s failed his Uncle. He looks at this situation and is terrified that Iroh won’t be okay, but he’s also convinced that it was his fault. Zuko thinks that because Iroh decided to side with him from the beginning, his life has been ruined. If Iroh had stayed in the Fire Nation instead of gone with Zuko on his banishment, Iroh wouldn't have spent years at sea, he wouldn’t have been branded a traitor, he wouldn’t be on the run, he wouldn’t have had to beg for coins on the street, and he wouldn’t have been shot in the chest by Azula. 

Zuko can’t wrap his head around why Iroh decided to go with him. After all, he’s the banished and disgraceful ex-prince. He’s scarred and untalented and he spends years desperately trying to prove that he’s worth something. Zuko’s been conditioned to think that in order to be worth anyone’s time or affection, he has to prove himself. He has to be useful. And to be the reason Iroh is hurt (which he isn’t but that’s what he thinks is the case), that just means he has to prove himself further. 

And for the rest of the season, he doesn’t leave Iroh’s side. He knows what it feels like to almost lose his Uncle and can’t risk that again. He takes Iroh’s advice and goes with him to Ba Sing Se. He takes care of Iroh when he’s unconscious, makes him tea, patiently learns lighting redirection (there’s a clear difference in how Zuko listens to Iroh as a teacher from the first episode of season 1 to Bitter Work), guards Iroh from the Rough Rhinos, and tries his best to stay quiet serving tea. 

This moment in The Chase is such a pivotal moment for Zuko. For the first half of the series, Iroh has been the parental figure Zuko needed and deserved, but Zuko didn’t understand that. In the moment where he almost loses Iroh, something clicks. Zuko starts to understand what was missing before. He starts to accept that this relationship is something he needs in his life. Zuko realizes that Iroh has been there and he’s going to keep being there and that’s something he isn’t ready to lose. There’s so much shame in the idea that Iroh would be hurt for him and he spends the rest of the season trying to make it up. 

And we know that it ends up not being enough to break Zuko away from wanting Ozai’s approval, but this moment reveals just how fractured Zuko’s self-image is, just how much he needs Iroh, and just how much he feels he doesn’t deserve unconditional love. This moment is pure vulnerability as the one person who stuck by Zuko’s side through injury and banishment is hurt. 

Zuko is convinced that it’s his fault and if Iroh hadn’t decided to be by his side, this wouldn’t have happened. 

[ukai-simp-services]

because i love you

prompt: tainted hues: “if you loved them, why did you break their heart?”

@tooruluv | #tooruluv2kparty

oikawa x fem!reader

warnings: heavy angst, poor mental health, depression, heartbreak, small panic attack, alcoholism.

a/n: why am i so sad after writing this,, i think this is my first time writing angst with no fluff T^T

  somewhere in argentina, there is a large penthouse with tall windows and cornered with perfectly trimmed green hedges. the interior of the penthouse is simple, there are no memories cluttering the walls, there are no fairy lights adorning the windows, there are no bento boxes in the fridge, and there are no sweet scented candles in every room of the house.

  there is only dull colored furniture, only overflowing laundry baskets, only a kitchen sink filled to the brim with dirty dishes, and only empty liquor bottles littering the dining table. 

  a home without you, is hardly a home.

  in this penthouse, a young man, barely 25 years old, sits at the kitchen table with a glass of fernet in his hand. one large window is opened, letting the warm evening breeze rustle the thin kitchen curtains and brush over his exposed skin. 

  oikawa still couldn’t stop thinking about what iwaizumi had asked him two years ago. 

  no amount of mind numbing liquor could ever make him forget that interaction -inevitably, the last face-to-face interaction he ever had with his best friend. 

  “oikawa, if you loved her, then why would you break her heart?”

   oikawa gasps to himself, suddenly feeling chills run up his back, as if the memory happened just yesterday.

  he remembers vividly how furious iwaizumi’s voice was and the tired look in his best friend’s eyes - a look that all but told oikawa that he was exhausted picking up the shattered pieces that he always left behind.

  he downs the glass of fernet.

  he pours himself another.

  he remembers that, that was the first time he had nothing to say - the first time that tōru oikawa was at a loss for words. because men like oikawa, men with quick rebuttals and prepared excuses, always knew exactly what to say in every situation. 

  that day, iwaizumi had walked away from oikawa with sadness in his eyes, no trace of hostility to be found anymore. there was no slap to the back of oikawa’s head, no ear piercing screaming of a lecture, and no insults thrown at him. there was nothing.

  but oikawa would’ve preferred a slap to the head or some sort of beating.

  a gentle ache presents itself in oikawa’s throat, threatening a small cry to stumble out.

  oikawa washes it away with a swig to his drink.

  iwaizumi is a faint presence in oikawa’s life now, he calls and texts - the occasional check up - but he had stopped being his best friend a long time ago. 

  losing a brother pains him; it burns from the depths of his core, but losing you practically kills him; it steals every bit of oxygen from his lungs. 

  because, ultimately, you were his reason for living - for breathing; your warmth, your comfort, your presence is what kept oikawa going every day. without you, his days are meaningless, he inevitably lives his life without purpose. 

  but, now he finds it ironic; he chose volleyball over you, his life.

  everyday, from 9am to 7pm, he mindlessly serves, sets, and passes a volleyball. for hours on end, he feels his muscles contract and relax as he tosses the ball up high, just for him to smack it down against a cold and shiny gym floor, he watches at it ricochets back into the air just to fall back down onto the ground again. bounce bounce bounce, till the sound ceases and the ball rests in its place.  

  oikawa now wonders when a blinding passion - a heart pounding desire to play this sport, turned into just a distraction. he finds that now when the very familiar surface of the volleyball brushes up against his palm, he no longer feels his adrenaline pumping with excitement; he feels resent.

  because trying to dissipate his memories of you by overworking his body everyday no longer worked anymore, if anything it only made things worse. 

  every game, every screech of his name from the crowd, every praising cheer after he makes an award winning serve, it all reminds him that you aren’t in the stands cheering him on. faces upon faces, all different colors and all different shapes, none of them are yours. 

  oikawa hisses as he feels a dull ache in his knee, the same knee you would spend hours massaging after practice every day.

  the lump in his throat has become more apparent now, he drowns it out with the bitter liquid in his cup - trying to suppress the feelings that will always be there. 

  he is only 25, yet he can feel his body beginning to give up on him. his muscles are weaker than they were two years ago, his bones throb under his weight with every step he takes, and his mind is continuously drifting off into oblivion. 

  he wonders who he is living for at this point. he can’t lie to himself and say that volleyball is his reason, because then who is he playing it for?

  this country; even with its busy streets and loud music - he still can’t help but feel alone. 

  his favorite memory of you plays in his mind like a film, it’s grainy and colored with a brown, faded hue. your hair whipping in the wind, your dress flowing over your hips, your feet sinking into the sand, your hand intertwined with his, and your mouth open with that melody of a laugh spilling out of it. 

  he remembers your skin felt soft, flawless against his calloused palm. shimmering silver earrings decorated your ears, a gift he had gotten you for your birthday. the air around you was warm, despite the unforgiving ocean winds that was tussling through your hair and clothes. 

  as the memory plays, your laugh begins to fade away in the wind, the already loud noise getting increasingly louder and louder. his ears are ringing now, he can’t hear your laugh anymore. the sky is no longer a heavenly blue, it is now an unsettling gray. your body, your hand holding his, the scenery of the beach, is being ripped from his mind and transforming into a different memory, one he would kill to forget. 

  there you were, eyes big and brimming with tears, standing in front of him. the beach background has now turned into your shared apartment in japan, both of you in the living room. you open your mouth, but oikawa can’t hear your voice - he remembers your words vividly, but his mind refuses to play them. 

  tears spilling down your cheeks, your hands balled into fists; oikawa watches as he breaks down the one person who he deemed to be unbreakable. everything he had built - everything you had built, he watches fall apart for the hundredth time. 

  a sharp pain shoots through his chest, snapping him back to reality.

  he clutches at the fabric of his t-shirt, heaving breaths fall from his lips as he tries to compose himself. 

  the cup full of fernet falls to the floor, pieces of his heart are scattered on the floor alongside the broken glass. 

  oikawa lost meaning in his life the second he walked out the door that shameful day; he lost his motivation, his strive.

  everyday, his body aches with loss. the sounds of cars racing down the busy streets, the loud music playing from his favorite coffee shop, the smacking of countless volleyballs being slammed down onto gym floors, and the lively chattering coming from some rom-com that he left playing on his flat screen tv, all sound like background noise to him - numbly playing in his ears as background music to the memories he constantly has playing in his mind. 

  oikawa never knew about loss or pain until you, never imagined that this is what it would feel like. 

  but, loss has made him wiser; he knows now what will lie ahead for the both of you. he knows that as years come and go, the pain will begin to diminish a little, bit by bit - but he also knows that there’s no way that it’ll ever fully leave his heart. 

  because, as he gets older, he’ll only get more tired. his skin will begin to wrinkle, hair will start to gray, his bones will ache from weight of the world, his lungs will begin collapsing from the pressure constantly on his chest, and his heart will eventually cease to beat, from the death grip you still have on it. 

  he will age unforgivingly, eyes devoid of any color - they have already lost the once charming glint they used to hold. 

  unlike him, he knows you’ll only burn brighter as the upcoming years pass you by. 

  you’ll get back on your feet, your skin will glow again, your muscles will strengthen and your heart will beat with a newfound passion to love yourself - that’s something he’s always admired about you, the passion you held for all things involving love.

  you’ll age with an unstoppable beauty; you’ll laugh and smile so much that permanent crinkles will form next to your eyes, you’ll dance so much that your muscles grow tired, you’ll fall in love again and have all those kids you wanted - kids that will fill every single gap in your heart that oikawa left behind. 

  despite pure science and human biology, your youth will never leave you. you’re one of the few people oikawa has met that have the ability to live young forever. your soul is unbreakable. sure, oikawa may have put a mere scratch on it, but he never came close to cracking it. 

  and that’s the difference between you and him; he will die miserable and alone, heart poorly stitched together and the inside of his body bruised and weak. you will pass away surrounded by people who also - like him - became allured by your kind spirit and your lively energy. his body will fall weak from exhaustion, but yours will fall weak from years of dancing and laughing and singing. his heart will die battered with pain, your heart will die full of love and forgiveness. 

  it’s painful to think about, but oikawa knows this is the truth, and simply just how life works. he won’t sugarcoat it for himself, he knows his ending is exactly what he deserves. 

  so he begins writing a note. the bottle of fernet he was previously so dependent on, is now long forgotten. he holds a shiny black pen in his hand and a white slip of paper in his other. he clicks the pen and holds the tip above the blank page for a few beats; hesitating, before he’s letting the words flow out. 

  it starts, with an answer to a question.

  “i broke her heart, because i love her.”

[skiyoosmi]

if fate permits

chapter twenty

a taste of his own medicine

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“Hey… uhm… I’m sorry. I’m not sure where to start because I’ve been the worst friend to ya for the past weeks. But I want to start with an apology, I guess… yer probably tired of hearing it, right? … it’s something I’ll never gonna be proud of, my pettiness, I mean… but yeah… I’m sorry, YN. I hope ya believe me when I say yer impo–”

Beep! You sighed, ending yet another voicemail from Atsumu. It’s been almost a week since you and your brother moved out of the apartment and ever since the day after that, your soulmate has yet to cease dropping more than three voicemails every single day.

It wasn’t that you haven’t caught sight of him at school; in fact, you see him everywhere. It’s just so happens that you couldn’t help but avoid him like a plaque. You think he knows it though and you’re actually glad that he’s trying to respect your space (except for the endless ringing of your phone which only gets sent straight to voicemail every time, much like today). Which is why right now, you only stared at his contact, contemplating whether you will entertain his ‘apology.’ He sounds like he regrets it, after all and the fact that you only have less than 10 days before your flight wasn’t helping the situation.

“You know, if you keep having a soft heart like that, I’m betting a hundred bucks you won’t get too far once you become a famous writer. A lot of people will take advantage of you, you know. And don’t even get me started with those haters that disguise themselves as critiques,” Speaking of the devil, Kiyoomi suddenly spoke up, his figure leaning against the doorway of your room, much like the pose your father had when you were leaving your previous apartment.

Hundred bucks, you begin to think, where the hell would your jobless ass get a hundred bucks? You won’t tell him that verbally, of course; you value your life too much to even risk being strangled by your brother’s own hands.

“What do you mean soft heart? Where’d you even get the idea that I’m going to talk to him, doofus!? No way, he needs to learn his lesson,” You huffed, turning to him with an eyebrow raised, as if challenging him. He scoffed, entering your room, and sitting on your bed. You were kind of surprised he did given that your room was still messy as hell; but once again, you opted to keeping your mouth shut.

“It’s written all over your face, dear sister. Plus, you’ve said that a million times already I’m actually tired of hearing it now. After all these years, you think I don’t memorize every habit you have?” He replied, hands taking some of the clothes that were still stored in a brown carton and beginning to fold them neatly before standing up and putting it into your closet. He really does take after your father, from appearances to characteristics, “Your eyes, they speak to me the loudest, telling me every bit of your feelings. In fact, I’m kind of puzzled Atsumu never found out through them. But then again, it just supports the truth that he’s as dumb as he could get.”

This boy doesn’t really miss a chance to voice out his disfavor for your soulmate, huh? You wonder what is it that made him dislike… no, wait dislike was an underestimation… rather, loath Atsumu to the core. Bad first impression? No, your brother was not that petty. Did they have a fight you never knew about? If Atsumu and him ever fought, you were sure as hell you’d be the first one to know, seeing as your best friend practically whines and complains at you at every single thing in his life… so why?

“He hurt you and not just once. It’s not supposed to be my business but technically speaking, you are my sister before you were his soulmate and that’s all I needed to dislike him,” said Kiyoomi, continuing to fold your clothes as if what he said was practically nothing. Was he a mind-reader? You don’t know but perhaps, you could try to convince him to start up a fortune-telling business with you and earn millions.

“… You’re so creepy, ‘Yoomi,” You spoke up after a few moments of silence while he sneered, obviously not pleased with your comical reply, “Forget it! God, it’s so hard to have a serious talk with you.”

You only pursed your lips before bursting out into laughter, making him glare at you before his eyes softened. He hasn’t heard that pure laughter in a long time, after all. For some odd reason, he is proud that it was him that made you happy again like that, even for just a short while. After watching you work on something he doesn’t really know what, probably for the play, (it’s a relief you still have a smile on your face while you were on it though), he stands up, stopping by the doorway again when he heard you speak, “Thanks for being there, ‘Yoomi. Can’t imagine my life without my best brother.”

Kiyoomi knows he’s far from being the best brother in the world; he wasn’t expressive, sweet nor overprotective… but hearing those words from you means he’s at least good and somehow, he’s fine with that. He remains quiet before saying, “You know, your friend Hajime, I think he’s nice.”

He doesn’t say anything more, but he knows that his words reached you; he didn’t miss the way you blushed, after all. He takes note of making you flustered more often.

Osamu grumbles under his breath in annoyance, clenching then unclenching his hands as he watched Yui cling onto his brother’s arm like there was no tomorrow. Doesn’t this girl have any decency left in her blood? They were in the public cafeteria of the university, good heavens! And they haven’t even officially became soulmates AND a couple.

The last thing he wanted on his agenda today was to become a third wheel, much less to his brother; and the fact that it’s not even with you, the true soulmate, his favorite Sakusa (he won’t let Kiyoomi know that though), and best drinking buddy, makes it more unbearable for the gray-haired lad. He could only scowl so hard at his twin, who on the other hand, remained unmoved. At least that’s what Osamu sees but unbeknownst to him, Atsumu just wishes he could go and find you as soon as possible.

He has had enough of you averting your gaze each time you catch each other’s eyes at the theater room. According to his brother, your flight is in ten days which means he only had a few more days to make your friendship right; to make it up to you and prove that you are, indeed, an important figure in his life (cue Osamu’s mocking last night when they talked: “HAH!? You sure do have a peculiar way of showing her that she’s important. You’re making me want to laugh and choke you at the same time.”)

“Oh! Iwaizumi-kun, Tooru and… Sakusa YN?” Yui trails off, making the blonde perk up at the sound of your name, turning his body quickly only to find you already looking back at them with… disappointed eyes? As quickly as it came, it disappeared and soon, you were smiling and waving at Osamu, completely ignoring your “best” friend. Atsumu can only stare at you in disbelief; never, not even once, had you disregarded his existence like that before. Even when you had small arguments, you made sure to acknowledge him with a simple nod.

In addition to your indifference, Hajime only furrowed his eyebrows in confusion at Yui’s greeting, as if he doesn’t know Yui at all, not even as an acquaintance. Hence, the three of you only proceeded to the table Makki, Mattsun and your brother saved for you.

“Eh? Iwaizumi… ignored me?” Yui frowned, obviously not used to being disregarded by the boy who used to give her a greeting every time they come across each other. As far as she could remember, they ended their bond in good terms, without anyone having to feel angry at the other so why is it that he acted that way? Did he hold a grudge after all?

Meanwhile, Atsumu gazed into nothing, your sad eyes flashing into his mind and staying there. Have you given up on him already? Did his nightmare that day actually came true? His trail of thoughts was cut off with Osamu’s voice speaking with amusement plastered on his face, “ooh, a taste of his own medicine, huh YN?”

He smirks, finding his brother’s suffering oddly satisfying. He too, like Kiyoomi, has his limits as to Atsumu’s undesired talent of hurting you (he knows the blonde was also suffering but you know, it just really gets on his nerves how blind his twin could get). So right after saying that, he stands up, picking up his tray that holds his food and beginning to walk where your table was.

“Samu! Where are you going?” The said lad looks back at his blonde twin weirdly before shrugging, “YN and Kiyoomi’s table, where else? You can’t expect me to stay on the table with you two, it’s weird.”

“So… you really can’t remember anything about your soulmate? Like who it is or something?” Oikawa asked, staring at Hajime’s hands, as if he’d be able to see anything on his pinky. Unfortunately for him, the ex-captain was not given the ability to be a Moira so he wouldn’t be able to see any changes no matter how long or hard he looks. The spiky-haired lad merely groans, feeling a headache coming due to his dear friend’s pestering, “Yes. I told you that already. I just woke up, saw my thread black and now, I can’t remember anything about who it is.”

“But you can remember us? It’s just the soulmate stuff you forgot?”

“Well, I’m talking to you right now, am I not, you dumbass?” Hajime snarled; an inch close to punching his best friend in the face. Beside him, you look down, feeling the sadness and heartbreak for him because even those feelings were lost the moment he woke up. If you let go of Atsumu, will this also happen to you? You can only give a pathetic laugh at your silly question; of course, it will. You weren’t some kind of special Moira that will be exempted from that ‘curse.’ But you wonder, how would he react? Would he be sad? Or would he just forget about you too and just throw everything you had away? It seems so easy for him to do that, after all.

Now that you witness what’s gonna happen upon cutting the thread, a part of you somehow wishes you should’ve just told him when it was still early, when you were still young and problem-free. Maybe he would’ve given you a promise like those in the movies wherein he says he would marry you once you get older. Maybe he would’ve been able to love you if you could’ve just given him a chance to do so. But it’s your fault, isn’t it? Because you were a coward; you were so greedy for true love that you can no longer have it, you think to yourself.

In the midst of your rather negative thoughts, a warm hand pulls you away from mentally beating up yourself further. Looking up, you find Hajime looking at you with soft eyes, as if assuring your heart that: “You’ll be fine. I’m here. I’ll keep you safe.”

Maybe… just maybe, the universe has given you another chance for true love.

marga's notes. I HAVE FOUND A NEW HUSBAND AND HIS NAME'S BENIMARU SHINMON

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