#and thats ok i dont need to relate or feel connected with it

[bunnihearted]

girl seriously read up on some emotional intelligence. this self loathing angsty shit is NOT CUTE! the only men you are attracting are ones that will take advantage of you. you should be comfortable alone!! you are the catch!!

im confused bc im not trying to be cute for u....? im venting... and if u dont think that or who i am is cute then that just means we're different ppl. like when i see someone be self loathing and angsty i dont think mean thoughts abt them, idk my brain just isnt wired to be irritated w ppl for what i think is "living incorrectly". also i do read sm, i read abt everything bc the psychiatric system wont help me even when i've contacted them once a month now for 8 months. but no matter how much i read i cant rewire my brain. plussss loneliness affects and damages your psyche.... thats a real thing actually 🥴 anyway... whatever i didnt know what to say to this so i just started rambling.. my bad 🧍🏻‍♀️

[ajdrawshq]

@ your tags on my post, i am shaking you like a maraca and yelling "YESSSSS"

i wanna see how kh3 tackles that whole thing because it's so eerily similar to what happens in the manga. and in the manga, he is in so much pain and agony, AND HE'S STILL FIGHTING. ROXAS IS THERE WITH HIM, HIS ONLY COMPANION, and then kh3 just tripped and fell on the glass table.

also, i think about this constantly, i want them to do something with it so bad.

YEA i cant wait to see the rest of kh3 manga chapters and how they handle everything, i especially loved the manga versions for days and kh2 and the way their stories were told - even tho kh3 has a Lot going on that might be hard to show well.. amano's been good at it so far tho so i have faith :]

but yeah that whole thing with Roxas is just . oughh. im not gonna lie even i forgot that Roxas was like. still there with Sora when he perishes until i thought abt it writing those tags but now that ive realized that. why the hell did they not take advantage of that!!!! like ok i get that it was more focused on the destiny trio in the ways i talked abt in the tags but yknow. what happened to "he makes up the difference"?? that wouldve been a great moment for it to shine!! ik they already make an example of it during the Xemnas n Saïx fight but still!!

part of me wishes Roxas couldve have more outward influence on Sora the way Ven did. granted, he arguably had an affect on Sora back in kh2, and while i dont remember if it was canon or even intended, that could be applied to both his appearance (his lighter hair, mostly) and his behavior (his hostility towards the organization members; ive seen this argued both as smth Roxas had influence over and purely based on Soras experiences thus far, and i believe in both personally) but Ven in kh3 was literally able to speak and somewhat act through him. im pretty sure this was meant to show that Ven was fully ready to awaken or smth like that, and that wasnt sonething that was needed for Roxas; hes alright, just needed a body/vessel for himself. but i still think itd be a cool way to express the earlier sentiment. and it wouldnt necessarily have to be Roxas "taking over" either, the manga shows very well how Roxas gives Sora strength from within and that he definitely does make a difference

to be fair tho...... whether that wouldve helped Sora in the moment that he gives in to his despair, im not sure. in kh2, both manga and game, hes in a very different mindset than kh3. in that part of the manga especially, despite thinking everyone (except Roxas) is gone for good, he still has the belief that they can live on within him. and that, plus the literal strength hes getting from Roxas, is keeping him going despite it all. in kh3 his self confidence is beyond fucked, and he truly believes in that moment that hes lost Everything, not just his friends. thats hard to come back from

i wonder if he were to remember that Roxas were still there, if that wouldve helped. whether for comfort in the way that hes not really alone then, or for motive to keep living bc if he dies then Roxas is gone too, or whatever reason, i think it couldve changed something, even if its just a little bit. hell, itd have been great if something like that happened afterwards in the final world. id like to think Roxas had a hand in Sora surviving ..... not sure how but its a nice thought. either way i do wish Sora n Roxas' connection and that moment they have in san fransokyo had more....... More. in kh3. it was a great opportunity that they didnt use/forgot about n im now sad abt it forever

[honeytonedhottie]

maintaining/creating a social life⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🧁

ok so i used to have HORRIBLE social anxiety and i think that the contrast between me with social anxiety and me now is INSANE. in a good way ofc. so im not going to talk about how i overcame social anxiety, instead im going to talk about how i created a social life ✨

MAKING FRIENDS ;

the science of making friends is simple and im about to explain it. so go to where there are ppl that u can relate to/want to relate to. example being school, clubs, etc.

next, observe who u want to befriend and make sure to start with a compliment. starting off by introducing urself just makes for an awkward conversation but starting with a compliment puts u and the other party at ease.

something thats rly important is ur CHARISMA and ur magnetic energy so be CHARMING ✨ if u find that the other party is not reciprocating its either they're uncomfy, uninterested, or just a weirdo. and in all cases, you should stop.

MAKING FRIENDS THRU FRIENDS ;

make friends with your friends friends -> make friends with their friends -> and so on and so forth. this is how you network and create a friendly status with lots of people.

if ur in a school setting like i am, make friends with people in ur own grade or in a higher up grade, i dont usually make friends with ppl in lower grades but ofc there are always exceptions.

making friends through friends is how u get invited to parties, have more opportunities be available to you, and ofc network for more connections. guys connections are literally EVERYTHING.

MAKE TIME FOR UR FRIENDS ;

make sure to learn who u call friends. when is their birthday? do they have specific preferences? what kind of music do they listen to? knowing ur friends makes them feel special and thats how u learn to be a good friend. i can make a whole POST about being a good friend cuz i've learned and grown so much with that.

THE POWER OF A COMPLIMENT ;

make it ur mission to give a compliment everyday cuz first off, being nice is HOT so pls be nice and second of all, if ur trying to talk to someone and u start with a compliment i promise that it'll go so much better.

if ur thinking "thats so awkward how will i do that" then the category dont be shy is one that u gotta read cuz girl 💀. if u need an example i'll provide one from my own experience so u can see the power of a compliment.

there was this girl in my spanish class and i always thought that she was so pretty and she seemed so nice. one day we bump into each other in the bathroom and i compliment her hair and makeup, she responds well. we continue to have friendly interactions throughout the rest of the school year and now we are good friends on and off campus.

DONT BE SHY ;

when u make friends please please PLEASE work on ur confidence first. you need to be SURE of yourself. if not, when ur being friendly it could come off as desperation and ppl will humiliate, make fun of and take advantage of u. and thats NOT hot.

be CONFIDENT, you literally have nothing to lose. when u shed ur shyness (thru things like exposure therapy etc) a whole new world is opened up for u bcuz sometimes the only thing holding u back is urself and ur limiting beliefs about urself.

MAKE UR PERSONALITY SHINE ;

make sure that know ur own personality and from knowing that u can find ways in which u can make it shine. no matter what ur personality is though, something that i cannot stress enough is BE NICE.

be friendly and amicable with everyone and stay out of drama and if drama comes to you then stay unbothered 😭. dont try and uproot ur own personality to copy someone else's.

[fornasedensgudar]

A while back ago I had a lil rant about the pagan/heathen/witch community and made this list with my friend about some problematic aspects about our craft/faith/practise or what ever you call it to help pepole who are new to it.

Idk if it any of worth or if anyone will bother to read all this but I hope its somehow helpfull for you new ones to this path.

(Pardon my 🇬🇧, im a 🇸🇪)

1. Not every polytheist does magic or has an intrest in it and thats ok.

2. Not every norse heathen knows runes or has to know every Rune and meanings to have a meaningfull relation to the gods and nature.

3. Not every raven is a sign of Odin, sometimes it just means you saw a raven and thats just as good if not better if you ask me.

4. Being able to quote havamal in old norse or know every myth and kenning of the gods is good. But does not mean you have a stronger spirital connection the land and the gods then those who dont know it all. It just means you are good at reading. And that in it self is something you should take pride in.

5. A good acorn and some dirt is just as good if not better than any long ritual with ancient chantings sourounded by a collection of crystals.

6. The pebble you find on a walk can shine just as fine on your altar, as the amethyst that was mined and payed for.

7. Your altar dont have to look Nice, it just need to feel Nice.

8. An offering dont have to be big to work. It just have to mean something.

9. Offering one loaf of bread you baked with your own two hands, is worth more than five loafs you payed somone to bake.

10. Just because a pebble dont have a story, does not mean it never had one. And just because a star has a story, does not mean its a good one.

11. If all nature is holy, that includes the parts you dont like or find nasty. Yes even ticks and spiders, mud and horrnets. No one said you had to like holy things.

12. Your body is a temple yes, but you and only you decides what rites and offerings are right the god within said temple.

13. You can still be a drunk horny ape and be spiritual.

14. No illustration of the gods is more corect or more true to their form.

But then there is no garantee everyone will see who its meant to be. And thats ok.

15. Doing spirtual junk and practise magic or healing does not make you more enlightened...

16. Just because you wrote a book about magic, healing and spiritual matters, does not make it a good book or you a good author.

17. Just because someone you look up to said it, does not make it more right. It just means they said it.

18. Making this list to remind the pagan/witch/heathen community to hummble them selfs does not make me better. Im also doing this to just remind myself. Im not better or wiser than any of you lot.

19. Dont ever expect to have your craft respected if you dont give that same respect back to others.

20. It does not matter how old or big your coven or group is. If it has toxic and harmfull parts that clearly hurt and or make pepole unhappy. Then its ok to criticize it. Age or size does not make it untuchble.

21. If a craft or faith says its all about nature but cant change its ways, then it has clearly missed a very important thing about how nature works.

22. Every rock is an altar and every forest is a temple.

23. For every horn of mead you offer to the gods, you should plant at least one seed.

24. If all in this world has a spirit and is alive, does not mean you cant take space and exist and live in it.

25. Its not about beliving. Its about to experience and to perceive. That if you ask me, is the core of animism and polytheism.

[ladyiristheenchantress]

Morals and Ethics

Hello Friends!! to preface: This post is not here to police anyone on what is the 'correct' way to practice. My aim on this post is to be culturally and magically informed, so this isnt going to be a take down of any belief or path line. Instead this post is offered up as a way to not only build your own moral frame work, but get you thinking about where you stand magically and enhance how you practice! Our moral frameworks are all unique, something that would be a faux pas in your practice might be something thats culturally common in others, so lets throw on our thinking caps and get started!

What is building an ethical and moral framework?

Building an ethical background in witchcraft involves establishing a set of principles, values, and guidelines that guide your magical and spiritual practices! In essence It helps ensure that your actions align with your moral compass (Wherever it may lie). This background can help you make informed decisions, cultivate energy, and maintain a respectful and balanced relationship with both you and your magic.

Some religions and paths have their own moral and ethical framework, for example lyma is this idea of "something to be washed away" and is a big deal when practicing within Hellenic Spaces! It would be immoral to approach an altar without washing your hands if they were dirty, but on the flip side some cultures actively encourage dirty hands like people who worship earth within their gardens. Depending on your path you might have a specific framework.

Another aspect is moral frameworks change and that is ok!! Its important we aren't stagnate and its ok to change your mind and feel like you want to change things up. That is totally reasonable and people do it all the time like with politics, religious affiliations, jobs, and more! Ethical and Moral compasses can change just like we do.

How to build an ethical framework

Self-Reflection: Start by exploring your own values, beliefs, and moral code. Reflect on what is important to you, what you stand for, and how these values relate to your magical practices. Also now would be the time to decolonize your beliefs and explore your biases. Its ok to acknowledge your bias, as long as you are working through it. If you dont know what decolonizing your beliefs is I left a helpful video above, just click 'decolonize your beliefs'

Research and Study: Deep dive into different ethical systems and philosophies. Familiarize yourself with various witchcraft traditions, such as New age spirituality, Pagan magical systems, and country/area specific + their associated ethical guidelines. Read books and articles about ethics in witchcraft whether you agree or disagree. During this time you are simply collecting as many perspectives as possible and comparing them to how you feel, don't feel pressured to follow something if you don't feel it applies to you.

Connect with a Mentor or Community: If possible, seek guidance from an experienced witch or spiritual space who can share their ethical insights and offer advice on building your own ethical framework. The best part is, different spaces will produce their own ethical codes of conduct. For example some spaces don't allow love spell discussion for example, which is an ethical guideline.

Create Your Own Code: Based on your self-reflection, research, and guidance, create your own personal code of ethics. This code should reflect your values and guide your magical practices. It might include principles like harm none, respect nature, work for the greater good, or take no shit. Wherever you feel you sit, walk with it. Whatever comes natural to you explore it. Write down what you believe as a symbol, but do so in pencil so you can change it as needed!

Regularly Reevaluate: As you gain experience and your understanding of ethics evolves, revisit and update your ethical code. It's important to grow as your spiritual journey progresses like I mentioned above. You are not a static person, allow yourself to experience your moral compass and how to bends. Allow yourself to be fluid and honest. Not everyone is 'love and light' or 'fuck authority' your allowed to be who you need to be!

Different Types of Ethics in Witchcraft:

Note: This is not every type of ethics, but rather a couple examples of the ethics you may see in your research and which group it belongs too. This area is not meant to endorse or critique an ethical guideline but instead showcase the many that do exist.

The Wiccan Rede: "An it harm none, do what ye will." This is a central ethical guideline in Wicca, emphasizing the avoidance of harm to others as a core principle. Another one is The Threefold Law, this law suggests that the energy you send out, whether positive or negative, will return to you threefold (three times what you sent out). This encourages practitioners to be mindful of their actions.

Green Witch Ethics: Green witches emphasize their connection to nature and the importance of nurturing and protecting the environment. Their ethical background often centers around conservation, sustainability, and working with the Earth's energies respectfully.

Personal Responsibility: Some witches adhere to a more individualistic code of ethics, focusing on personal responsibility and accountability for their actions.

Balancing Left hand and Right hand: For some, ethical considerations involve finding a balance between Right and Left hand magic, and acknowledging the potential consequences of working with both, one, or neither. The right and left hand path are types of magical systems that involve different attitudes towards magic, the right hand emphasizing healing and selflessness, and the left hand emphasizing individuality and shadow aspects.

Respect for Spirits and Deities: Many witches emphasize the importance of showing respect and gratitude to the spirits, deities, and entities they work with, recognizing their agency and autonomy.

Are there any absolutes that I should be aware of?

Absolutes are ethical things that you do need to make sure you are integrating! These are really important things to note when you are learning, because if you do choose to disregard these you could contribute to some really bad concepts that intrinsically cause harm to real people

Respect - Cultural awareness, avoiding appropriation, and looking out for other people can be important. Its important that you fully evaluate a moral system before indulging in it. For example: In the love spell discussion and lot of cultural practioners voices are left out of the discussion, same with baneful discussions. Its important to listen to many groups of people and take stances that dont turn peoples cultures into a monolith, demonize them, or silence them.

Hate groups and cults - Its important that you check where a belief comes from and see if it matches with any hate groups or cult rhetoric. These groups create really flashy and easy to digest claims to try and push an agenda kind of like a salesmen. Their whole job is to try and push you into their group so they can get money, power, fame, and in some cases carry out atrocities. This corresponds with that decolonization conversation from earlier, because it can help keep you and other witchy friends safe!

Nuance - Its important to keep nuance in the conversation. Don't take extremely black and white stances if you aren't knowledgeable on the subject. I think even advanced practioners need to remember to keep nuance in their opinions and keep an open mind when presented with new information or moral ideals. Keep an open dialogue when you are having conversations, and remember to keep asking yourself why you believe the things you do.

Remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to building an ethical background in witchcraft. Your ethical code should be a reflection of your personal beliefs and values. It's essential to be true to yourself and to strive for a harmonious practice that aligns with your own spiritual journey! Enjoy the ride :)

Tip Jar

[juni-ravenhall]

we played the quest now and mostly its just like. all these recent quests are at the quality as if a child wrote them but that feels like an insult to child authors. imagine if any other game at this price point (!) put out main story updates at this quality and this playtime per month(s).....

more specific commentary under here

the dark riders still dont feel like actual villains or threats to me at all, due to the rushed and stupid way they were introduced after their design updates, combined with how bad the writing is. i feel like im just chewing on a tasteless gum when i play this. but thats an insult to gum. its very nothing. its neither dramatic nor funny nor meaningful in any way.

the writing and timing is so bad that nothing holds any real dramatic weight. i didnt feel anything about maya getting zapped - i assume shes fine tho??? - obviously yes its harmful to choose to hurt the lesbians rather than literally anyone else and its worth criticising bc ppl need to stop making oppressed characters suffer more than the not-oppressed, but also just the whole thing is handled so badly that i can barely even care bc its so fucking stupid that nothing holds any weight. at this point anything any of the charas says and does just feels completely empty.

like you could just have mr sands collapse to the ground from a heart attack in the middle of the dialogue and sabine say "lol loser" and it wouldnt even feel especially out of place in the current quality of writing and storytelling.

it was fun to see darko and sands again just because we have more relation to darko as a villain than any of the dark riders. the same way i am way more interested in ms drake or mr anwir (rip i guess) than i am in the dark riders bc they were sooo badly included in the story and then suddenly now theyre everywhere and talk all the time as if we know them and as if theyve been a consistent villain. i am way more interested in any other npc than in the dark riders, i have more emotional connection to ed field than i have to katja. bc they were not written into the story properly. this is a continuous frustration i have reading any main story updates.

anyway the erissa race was just.... fine. this is supposed to be a kind of mini boss moment in other games. however, due to my horse not being fed (a system that sse designed) i rode quite slow which in itself takes away drama, but also, the race just felt really.... nothing, again. its not bad... its just nothing. the floating objects in the forest were cool, and the yarn stuff is cute (tho i dont feel anything about this design bc again she and her design is just thrown at me with no buildup - like - a character having a theme that you build up a connection to, is not happening here), but it doesnt feel like an important race or like a mini boss, its just.... ok i went here and now i went there. why tho. how did this matter.

it wasnt a difficult enough race in any way that it felt like challenging gameplay (mini boss fight) and ive said before, yes sure there are 8yo players who never played a game before and need it to be relatively easy - but this can be achieved in other ways than forcing *all* players to play a really dumb easy race, and its also not consistent throughout the game - sometimes a race is randomly kinda hard, other times its something you could do blindfolded, but without any consistent relation to where when and why the race takes place.

normally in games, battles/races/whatever would get more and more challenging as the story goes on, as levels go up, as new mechanics get introduced, as player skill and experience grows.

but yeah i just really hate the story quests at this point. theyre empty. theyre badly written. they are forgettable and dont hold the dramatic weight theyre supposed to. they feel random and disconnected from the rest of the game we played until a couple years ago. the characters and stuff are just handled so badly. the story and lore is confusing and hard to understand. its a mess.

all of this would be fine if sso was a game you play for free. it would be fine if it was a game that cost 10 dollars. it would be fine if it had microtransactions that were like, 1-3 dollars here and there, not 30 dollars here and there to afford two items or one horse or whatever.

i wouldnt judge it so harshly for this bad quality in the story quests (the writing, the storytelling and lore, the characters, the gameplay, the animations, the models and designs, the feeling of making progress as a player....) if the game was overall as cheap as its quests are.

[midwinterwings]

I dont know my name or anything right now. I'm a new alter formed over the past couple of days and well.

Thats the thing. I got medicated for ADHD and my mind has quietened down and its so calm here. When I'm not stuck in the static of my thoughts, playing in several realms at once, I just feel like Loki. Right now anyway. Shifts do still occur but I find that unsavoury ones from alters who would take over for coping purposes, happen much less frequently. Its become kind of odd, actually. When interacting with the body's family and friends, instead of shifts occurring (I have no idea what happens when theyre in the same place. I feel only one of us is fronting and pretending to be the other one that would front to talk to a friend if family is also present) I kind of just stay me. Whoever I am right now.

Thats the thing. All of us are Loki. We're always Loki no matter who we are. Right now I feel more connected to the 'essence' of Loki, as I feel the flame flickering in my chest, nice and warm. But there's kind of a conflict because I want to put feathers in my hair and fly across cold plains which...I can't do that. Not in this realm at least.

I feel there needs to be a distinction between 'corporeal' - 'real world' - physical world, external world whatever its called, and the...er, other one. Incorporeal? Spiritual? I dunno. Yeah. Two things can be true at once. I've always thought of things as absolute - autism haha - so if one thing is true the other can't be. Because I like computers and gaming and maths and programming and doodling, it seems, well, kind of the opposite to what the fire in my chest makes me feel. When I'm more connected to my self as Loki, I think...pine needles for some reason or pinecones, that appeared somehow, and the opposite of tech, and falcons and swifts. Lots of swifts. Snakes too. Haha banana snake

Maybe shit isn't that deep. Maybe I can be two things at once. Well, three. Even though I'm the only one fronting right now.

Theres...me right now, kind of unknown name, maybe T(). Who wears modern clothing and has tech related interests.

And there's me right now who is the opposite of that. I'm Loki chilling out somewhere. It's either a mind palace of the past or me doing other stuff in other planes. Not sure. Completely different.

Oh and there's me in animal form. That's why I identify as a therian. I'm usually a snake, swift, falcon, or a shrike.

And these are true at the same time. That's the thing I've been struggling with grasping. If one thing is true how can that other thing be true? If im here and like these things and like this, how can I be pretty much the opposite in every single way, at the same time?

Answer: I don't know. But I do know that I operate in 3 planes default. (Not counting if im covering for another alter while they're off doing god knows what and theyre the one who made a friend who thinks I'm that alter so shit is really awkward and I just pretend it's me)

So I guess, 3 planes authentic.

1 plane (covering+masking plane) non authentic but still happening.

Before the meds I was operating on like...20 🗿 also, I couldn't tell which were intrusive thoughts and which were actual stuff that was relevant. So. 3 is perfectly OK.

So...tldr : stuff is weird. Very weird. It keeps getting weirder.

The more I realize what's going on the more I hate covering for other alters because now I know its not me my friend thought they talked to. In the past before I knew I was plural I got an odd bodily sensation like I was watching my body talk, like they were talking through me to somehow behind me and I'm just relaying info from the person behind me to them. Actually I think that's pretty accurate. I didn't understand why. I've only understood why more and more recently and...I guess, I'm angry that it is this way. Really angry. And because the body I live in is tainted with trauma, especially since I look like SK (first alter) it keeps triggering shifts to SK which is really annoying. Also I get confused and think I'm SK which I'm not. Also SK isn't really active, he kind of grew up a bit to Cleo, so...I feel Cleo ends up fronting every time I just...see a picture of my body's face. I can't express things well, even anger, in the external/physical/corporeal/'real' world because everything is twinged with trauma and one specific alter, some versions of Cleo, have been carrying us through for years and years and none of us know how to really exist outside of the internal worlds. I feel we will be able to with time, but its one of those problems that are relevant every second, every movement, just you can't ignore it and if its a problem it will continue to be a problem every moment. If you can't ignore it you deal with it. Oh and I'm trying to learn acceptance rather than problem solving. "Yeah this occurs. Yes it sucks. Yes its a problem. And that's OK. I dont have to try to solve every problem immediently, especially since its not possible, sometimes the solution is completely unknown to you right now, a new experience or perspective is needed. I'm going to live with it instead of feeling things that aren't desirable are villains to be killed. Theyre part of me. They make up bits of me. I can't choose the good bits and try to kill the bad bits. It's just not even true."

So, yeah. Gonna have to live with the fact that existing as of now is very confusing, uncomfortable, and weird. People are talking to other people and I have to pretend I'm other people and its frustrating and invalidating. My body is riddled with trauma and associations with the body's parent that are no longer relevant. Seeing it makes an alter who technically dosent exist anymore front - or try to. Or his thoughts bleed into mine. I dont know my name or my story. I exist 3 times at once. Annnd that's OK. It is what it is.

Written by T - 'Midwinter'

[fictionkinfessions]

anyone else out there new to fictionkin , having their world turned on its head , finding out it meant something else than what the internet taught you (i always thought kin meant what synpath means lol) , and you realize it fits you perfectly ? but you also keep worrying you might look like youre faking it cuz you dont have any of that canon memory or past life stuff and really just None of what everyone else seems to be experiencing ? like youre just that fictional character trapped in a human shell and not much else ? did you also make an entire google doc compiling possible "evidence" that proves youre beyond a doubt fictionkin but you still kinda feel like youre faking it ? am i the only one ??

like. i've had this feeling for over a year . before i watched any part of spearmaster's campaign i asked my friends if its weird that i feel a connection to them (spearmaster) . I've been calling them me or basically me for a year . looking at fanart of them always makes me feel like im looking at myself . why do i feel faaaaake just bc i dont really have memories from canon . I dont understand memories . any other fictionkin out there that doesnt understand memories? is it,, okay to even talk abt my kintype like this ? with a hint of seperation between them and me ? like we're both the same and not? is it weird to say "me" "i" "myself" instead of "spearmaster" or vice versa? is it ok to talk abt this in the . fictionkinfessions askbox??? is it ok to post where other fictionkins can see ? will this pondering harm anyone??

i know everyone's experience can and will be different but mine feels. too different yonow . i dont get why i cant wrap my head around it . i feel like i wouldnt be able to distinguish memories from my general knowledge of the source . Is anyone else like this. i cant be the only one dude . the way i experience being fictionkin feels like the same way i experience being otherkin : looking at images makes me think "haha wow thats me" and sometimes i feel like my actual body is a mech . and thats not how any fictionkin-related site described being fictionkin . should i just call myself otherkin ? are these rhetorical questions? no theyre not i need answers

i could elaborate on this more and more and more but i dont wanna talk Tooooo much . Im sorryyy

- spearmaster rain world

s

[bfdifan26]

please do list of every burner depression i love this show so so much you should do that

okay! thank you for enabling me. disclaimer im not a Depression Expert i pretty much only know what i go through myself. have fun

ok so roomy isnt a contestant but i do wanna talk about her. i feel like the whole thing with her literally being the room can be compared to something like a kid with depression not leaving their room and just living within a tight window of reality, only ever speaking to their parents and stuff. i feel like roomy can be related to that as she literally can’t leave. like executive dysfunction the character. also her personality, only caring about being nice and not hurting others, and by doing that not letting anyone know who she really is or how she really feels

okay onto the contestants now. rosey is a very interesting character, what draws me in about her the most is her almost refusal to appear vulnerable or overwhelmed by anything, always needing a guaranteed way to do something so she knows it’ll work. this can be seen as somebody with depression relying on things in their life that they know off by heart, things like routines and rituals they perform daily, having something to fall back on and feel some normalcy through. again she’s very similar to roomy with the whole social butterfly thing

spraypaint is tricky because we’ve basically only ever seen her be like Ahh im gonna kill you be scared. but i do think she has a reason to constantly be like that towards people. nobody is ever aggressive because they like it i dont think anyone likes being on guard 24/7. i feel like she relies on her knife alot, for example in the scene where she argues with playdoh after they run into eachother, she tries to just kill him right there instead of bothering to interact with him once she gets bored of him and decides he has nothing to say that she wants to hear (based but only because it’s playdoh)

kit seems to be very self confident unlike the majority of the other characters, but for the entire time, others have kind of decided what kit is like in their heads and settled on it, based off how she appears. that being limey seeing how relaxed and inexpressive she is and that making him think that she doesn’t care about things around her. with depression it can be easy to get tired of some things, but people then assume you don’t care about anything, and that you’re just apathetic, and/or constantly thinking you’re sad when like. thats just how you look Lol. that’s what kit and how she’s treated reminds me of

speaking of limey. he’s pretty similar to spraypaint, except he’s much more sensitive, or at least outwardly. it doesn’t take much for him to feel overwhelmed and like everybody is out to get him, and he’s always trying to counter this feeling by insisting to both others and himself that he has something up his sleeve that’ll make everyone regret thinking badly of him. he’s just a very defensive character and who can blame him. oh also hes very clearly hyperfixated on the idea of being a cartoony super villain or something. it’s a part of his identity he relies ALOT on, always falling into it especially when he feels threatened

pilly is very organised and on top of everyone else, and his only fault ive noticed is his detachment. he says to record outright that he doesn’t need or want friends, and purposely blends in to make sure he isn’t noticed and nobody tries to connect with him. i think this can be 2 different things; either he just straight up doesn’t like other people and finds them draining and just another hassle, or he really would like a friend but would rather not reach out from fear of being rejected. i think it’s the first one but you can never know

peanut is another character who’s very isolated except for him it’s nobody’s fault or deliberate choice really. we’ve seen that he lives in the middle of the country out on a farm, either living on his own or with his close family. my personal idea of him involves the second one and that also fits in with this. one of peanut’s very first lines is that he doesn’t care about what happens to him and is mostly focused on doing things for others’ sake. hes seen to be used to doing the dirty work for people and to be happy with it being like this. i think peanut relies on being a helping hand since well. that’s all he really knows how to do, and how to be wanted by others

to say polaroid is overshadowed by the other characters is an understatement both in the show and outside. like i think he’s the character with the least fanart, even including the one-time cameo dudes. its a shame because he’s SO good. his most noticeable trait first up is that he can’t speak verbally, and for others to acknowledge his words they have to put effort in which. unfortunately alot of people dont. like this hes ignored easily and often, being talked over, people dragging him around and ordering him to do things without listening to what he thinks first. but despite this hes so caring, seen with him encouraging pilly even after he threatened him with elimination (have i ever mentioned i love those two’s relationship so much) and comforting roomy and going with her to help with her fears

record is like. id say one of the most depression coded objects ever. she’s shy but not the stereotypical shy archetype, questioning people’s orders and sometimes even getting frustrated with others. she’s shown to have trouble explaining herself to others, feeling like she needs to in order to be forgiven for well. Literally just standing there. not much i can say about her that hasn’t been said /agreed on already

onto hanger my favourite… hanger is again, talked over by basically everyone. she rarely has the opportunity to ‘prove herself’ to others and when she does, the credit is taken away from her and it doesn’t matter how much she yells and argues, she can never be listened to. when this happens to someone it can easily feel like nothing you do will ever work and it’s just hopeless to even think of doing anything right or impressing anybody. i wouldn’t say hanger feels like that since we’ve seen that she’s very strong willed, but that’s just the thing. she HAS to stop herself from feeling that way because nobody else will, she has nobody else to rely on.

except erasey

erasey is similar to kit with the whole under expressive thing, as well as it being seen that they kind of struggle with motivation. they seem to have a kind of omnipotence that makes it so that they know what to do and how to do it, and if it’s even worth it to try. but apart from that they don’t do much else, that’s all that’s important to them. they only try to do what they absolutely need to

i hope playdoh cries again in burner 4

[kijosakka]

i have so many hypotheticals for dramaturgy u dont even KNOW (i am going to sit here and go through them though)

so this is all coming up because i was considering a tiny detail about the initial cast relations on island (then turning into this whole. mess.) and wanted to do a little thing where i explore hypotheticals to this au that aren't necessarily 'canon' to it,,

CAST RELATIONS: in my rehash post of island and covering the casts' reactions to noah acting Like That, i say the feeling of uncanny detachedness was immediate. but it could also? not be?

maybe he just comes off as shy at first, or especially standoffish -- perhaps the sense of detachedness is a mounting realization that 'oh this guy is kindof Weird As Hell' instead of an immediate bad sense,, this effectively would not change the cast relations or dynamics at this point, but it would provide more exposition opportunities for cast members to try striking up anything at all with him and getting shut down immediately as opposed to (unintentional) ostracization from the beginning.

^ and also, conflict exploration. not during island, but during his shift in WT, there could be the issue of noah knowing these people already tried and he shut them down each and every time, so what reason do they have to give him yet another chance? (is it worth the emotional risks and potential hurt and no gains, etc etc)

PHOBIA FACTOR: as it is, 'canon' to the AU noah gets eliminated during dodgebrawl (which is necessary for his general character), but phobia factor is a lovely little 'consequences of forgetting about the cameras' if on a much smaller scale.

now,, im ngl this sounded a lot more fun than it is actually going to be. because the simple answer is just that noah lies. put in this position -- if his onscreen character is forced to have depth, then it will be fake for his own peace of mind.

^ the only thing that would potentially happen is that it would, in a way, isolate him from his castmates further, simply because his reaction,,, Isn't. the fear among the cast as they face their greatest fears is shared -- except for noah. because its not genuine. his reaction comes off as flat (and even then the response that he is showing is further, repeated theme, uncanny valley. to have never seen this guy fearful performing some facsimile of it? Weird.)

SIERRA / WT PAN-OUT: ok,, sierras role here is very closely connected to the other idea mentioned here -- a wt hypothetical season play-out,, thing. while not 'canon' to the au for the simple fact that noah has Little to No development in this and thats the point, im spilling all my 'what-ifs' and might as well include this one.

theres actually,, a shocking number of moving parts to this. to summarize: tyler is eliminated in noahs place in london (mostly to keep numbers even), and thus takes his place witnessing the Kiss.

^ im not sure why tyler would be eliminated honestly. havent thought that through. however i do have something mapped out (kinda) for the trajectory of the love triangle,, being that noah doesnt do Anything. it boils over eventually, obviously, since duncan and gwen both know that he knows, im thinking around picnic at hanging dork? (elimination-wise, between london and picnic [*greece & area 51] cody is eliminated, sierra is Struggling but i do need her here for future plot purposes)

[*greece; noah volunteers before duncan in the scavenger hunt and along the way kiiinda talks with gwen?? just a little, just kinda nudging her in a direction away from any Dramatic, Exploitable behaviors]

^ so noah says nothing, right? he doesnt want to get involved in this Plotline, but he can get duncan to spill. so he does that -- talks to others, sometimes points over at him, and through the two challenges and the time between ends up freaking duncan out enough that he confronts noah post-picnic (theyre just outside the plane getting uhhh idk drinks. its Hot.) while the cameras arent rolling. the cast is around though.

duncan spills it all by himself, noah has a little moment of 'i didnt tell anyone, but you just did' -- courtney is pissed, but duncan is downright furious and gets all in noahs face, to which he responds much like he did at the very beginning of island: he doesnt.

he says something to the effect of 'if youre looking for a reaction, im the wrong person to look for it in' (or he doesnt say anything -- this is a work in progress) and Leaves. i also do like the mental image of noah spilling whatever drink he has down duncans shirt to force him away in a manner that doesnt make noah reveal any (perceived sense of) vulnerability via stepping back himself.

not much else on that -- just that post-challenge i also like the idea of noah being physically close to owen after. idk to what ends,, owen just wants to Comfort (< see also, noah can have a little breakdown in the showers or smth. a tiny one. its been far too long having to keep this all up and being close and not even properly involved in some of the drama of the show is making him crack whether he shows it or not)

^ and (im ngl i do imagine gwen being eliminated here? again, semantics r lost on me in favor of the Numbers) now,, sweden comes: duncan definitely believes anything with noah is nuked, so sucks up to owen and alejandro both in similar ways. basically like how canon went, etc etc noah is back to fading into the background.

however post-sweden offers up duncan&noah interactions. say duncan has had time to cool off and now wants to know why noah didnt say anything; noah deflects, bc of course he does, but does talk duncan into a kindof realization of just how much the show itself impacted his relationship with courtney -- not at the moment, but later it would serve to duncan to characterize noah a little better (and by a little i mean a lot); being, he's keenly aware of the cameras and the audience.

niagra brawls,, everything most goes, save the pairing are changed a bit: heather and alejandro, owen and blaineley, duncan and sierra, and courtney and noah. < courtney and noah win immunity (note: courtney definitely carries him across). post-challenge, noah point-blank tells courtney that hes sorry and that he shouldve come to her immediately.

^ courtney,, appreciates the genuine apology. she asks him why he didnt -- noah is, for once, honest, saying it was mostly a selfish reason and he didnt want the fallout. (smth smth he can truly hold sympathy abt the situation, knowing just how badly the presence of cameras can Fuck Things Up)

now. i swear ill circle around to sierra eventually but i need to talk about blaineley really quickly. so dramaturgy right?? noah is In The Business. i had it in the very original post of this (rb, covering cast dynamics) that noah did not like blainely. i renege. bffs. absolute shit-talkers together.

^ the point of that is that noah talks her out of the alliance with chef. im not actually sure what that does bc i still intend for blaineley to be eliminated post-china (aswell as courtney probably idk?? could be switched with duncan) but maybe she also has smth to say about how detached noah acts?? (see also the little scene concept thing of chris pointing out just how unnerving it was seeing noah act so lifeless)

also: noah wins. the china challenge. master of keeping a Flat Face. (note: he definitely does vomit immediately after. sick for Hours)

the semantics kinda fizzle out from here, but in essence noah floats his way to the final three à la cody style (does not want to be there also) and on the way kinda bonds with sierra? < that brings up another little correction ill rb onto another post at some point; sierra, while initially holding the intrigue as opposed to dislike of noahs detachedness, does in fact grow to find it unnerving. seeing him through a screen? really fun! being around him? ...not so much.

^ sierra, through noahs Magical Advice Powers That He Has In This Pan-Out For Some Reason, does earn herself advice from him about her obsessiveness or whatever. havent thought about it too much and actually propped sierra up as me having way more to say about her than i actually do,, but they do bond. they get a little bonding.

also: plane explosion. theres a little scene here that lives in my head wherein heather, frazzled from the explosion and having voted against alejandro, kinda blows up at noah? lashing out at him etc etc,, noah, par for the course, doesnt react -- mostly. he does just get up and leave, and both heather and alejandro get to hear one tiny little intake of breath that sounds vaguely like he might be crying. but he is Gone. (he breaks down around the interns instead, and fully resolves to himself that this is the final three and he was definitely making third place)

anyway beyond that i think it would be funny if the tiebreaker was actually heather and alejandro and noah some how finagles his way out of being tied up to be the first person to hit the water. thus taking himself out of the game and promising a 'dramatic finale between rivals' like hes very aware chris was gunning for.

^ this is,, tbh idk how 'canon' any of this will be?? if ill keep this as a loose outline and just change noahs character and dynamics,, idk idk. its getting late i cant really think and my god this is so so so much longer than i intended.

[theallegedbird]

LITERALLY

Like

For example "6up 5oh (cop out)" IS LITERALLY THAT ONE POLICE EP FROM S5 where Jonny said the disclaimer at the beginning OR or bro c'mon literally "dr sunshine is dead" is about the dark OR "hand me my shovel, I'm going in" is about the buried or I personally connect "Mr. capgras encounters a second-hand vanity: tulpamancer's prosopagnosia/pareidolia (as direct result of trauma to fusiform gyrus)" to the stranger bc he keeps singing "you're trying to replace yourself" which I think really fits and also the song "skeleton appreciation day in vestal, my (bones)" also reminds me of the buried but also a bit of Jane Prentiss/the infestation and the jarchivist himself and also the rot yezyez the rotting too and also the beginning of the song "front street" where he sings about the slaughterhouse and meat...yes It's the flesh and the slaughter!!!!

And bro c'mon will wood is just so bbgirl his songs just fit SO WELL it's almost as if he wrote them specifically for tma

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'm low-key obsessed with him and I don't even listen to all the songs (I have the entire "everything's alot" album downloaded >I love it really mutch + a few other ones so I hope this counts ❤️)

Have a nice day btw love youuu❤️❤️❤️❤️ (I hope I didn't squish your brain to death with this friggin paragraph I just wrote :'] )

[ID of image in ask: a screenshot of a caption of a tumblr post by theallegedbird that the ask is responding to, it reads "memento mori- will wood, i can and will find a way to relate every ww song to tma istg". End ID]

NO LITERALLY,, YOU ARE SO RIGHT

kind of got carried away so um. long post

completely agree and feel the same about 6up 5oh cop out, dr sunshine is dead and mr capgras

6up 5oh cop out to me especially could be linked to daisy and the guy you mentioned as well as the hunt as whole because of both of them being heavily tied to and criticising the police/police brutality

warning for discussion of eds in this paragraph

skeleton appreciation day for me is the flesh,, dont get me wrong i can see your ideas too but i always interpreted the song as being about eds and negatively/unhealthily watching your weight in order to achieve "the perfect body" by society's standards; by being skinny,, "tell me you can see my bones" , "to cut down on my silhouette" and the whole end dialogue, so that fits into the flesh for me considering another situation of someone wanting the "ideal body" is something that is discussed in a flesh statement (mag90-bodybuilder), but i can see some themes in the song that can could be corruption, plus both the flesh and corruption are pretty closely linked at times (and smirkes system is just inaccurate to begin with)

dr sunshine is dead is as you said the dark to me,, in the sense of someone maybe becoming an avatar (song starts with narrator afraid of the dark/not knowing and ends with them embracing it) but also could be seen as the stranger or even spiral because of its themes (like most of ww's work) involving identity and the self

for hand me my shovel,, may i propose it is also s2 jon coded. very s2 jon coded. it is very much his paranoid need for the 'truth'. do you. do you get me

id also like to propose some other ww songs that are also extremely tma coded,, to me

blackboxwarrior!! ok stick with me but yknow that one dialogue bit that starts "hello, welcome. why don’t you take a seat?" that whole section. thats og elias and jonah in elias' interview. do you see the vision. its them. i always take it as jonah being the narrator when looking at this song with tma in mind,, with the "you’ve lost your mind and almost lost your life before, so you’ll be fine" and "for what it’s worth if it was going to kill you, boy, it would have by now" being directed at jon. please say im not insane for this i. i listen to this song a lot.

on the topic of jon and jonah your body my temple. because. because hes using jon as a pawn,, "your visage my visions" (i know this songs about sydney and elijah ch&t but can be tma too. if you think about it)

again with jon and jonah (i despise jonah and the godforsaken thing that is jonelias but their dynamic is so interesting) laplaces angel,, dont know how to put this one into words but do you Get It,, could be both or either of them really,, certain lyrics include: "it doesnt take a killer to murder it only takes a reason to kill", "the difference twixt fate and free will is whether youre singing", "whatever you think of me, if you were in my shoes, youd walk the same damn miles i do"

against the kitchen floor could also be jmart,, especially these parts: "i just havent learnt to be as human as you are yet", "i still dont know who you are, only that im still lonely", "apologizing for my life and ever entering yours" "im not a good person, im barely a person at all"

cicada days,, jon. jon coded. i really want ro make something with especially the in case i die live show version bc it just fits. so well. "it just feels inhumane to lose this much", "let all my red flags fade to white yeah i give up", and biggest one to me "here at the end of days, my god what have i done?" as in mag160,,

cotard's solution is the stranger,, again with the identity

there’s more but i’ve just realised how long this already is so ima leave it there

pff sorry for hijacking your ask but i’m a sucker for media analysis and any opportunity to do that with not one but two of my special interests causes me to black out and the autism to take over <33

also you’re so real for everything is lot,, favourite album

have a great day or night :D

[orpheusilver]

next time you get bored u should answer this ask to talk about your Eric and Morbius ^_^ i love Blade so much so i’m interested in what you have planned so far

hiiiiiiiiiii im procrastinating lol. anyway so you know how this is a hall of mirrors ass story and everybody parallels everybody? yea

sooo eric is the biggest and clearest foil to morgan bc they have.. so much in common. not quite a vampire. trying to atone for times they lost control and killed human people. badass vamp-killing machines. many such cases but the Differences are the funky bit bc on one hand morgan had a like. half-decent upbringing with parents and a house and everything, hes far from stable but the idea of emotional vulnerability isnt totally alien to him. Eric was a very lonely child in a terrible life-threatening situation who grew up into a very lonely adult in a slightly less terrible life-threatening situation.

to be clear eric does have people in his life! its just that theres only 2 of them. he got adopted by his cool butch biker mom whistler as a young teen and theyve been doing the vampire slaying thing ever since, and a few years ago they picked up a hematologist called karen jensen who fell into the "older sister" role. (okay yes like 80% of the blade-related plot was pulled straight from Blade (1998) but ignore that im doing some funky shit with it. okay.) she says shes an uninvolved civilian who provides medical aid since she owes eric a life debt, but this is a lie. shes In the shenanigans.

so like he does have his gay little found family but theres some shit they just dont Get yknow. so then once he does start trusting morgan they get. Very close . Very quickly. hes experiencing previously unknown types of human connection, including being gay in practice and not just in theory! and sure hes kinda avoidant and struggles to open up and express his feelings or establish boundaries but thats ok bc morgan is so anxious about rejection and abandonment that hes very willing to put in tons of work with being vulnerable! theyre meeting somewhere in the middle, they think! morgans only a little bit clingy and always suuuuper apologetic when he crosses those unclear boundaries! surely this is a healthy dynamic that wont collapse catastrophically due to communication problems!

anyway primary foil number 2: peter-man. as in superhero role model / the cooler super-powered role model. like pete always sees morbius as someone who needs to be helped and guided and saved and supported and first and foremost as his Responsibility. eric, at least at first, sees him as a Fucking Threat. to be understood and/or neutralized. and morgan really appreciates that! then eric learns to trust and respect him and they begin this totally-not-dysfunctional partnership of equals, its kinda cute if you ignore that its blatantly barreling towards destruction <3

edit i completely forgot the point of that last paragraph. eric respecting morgan like an equal makes him realize that actually, spider-guy is being kind of a cunt about this and why is he trying to prove himself to that loser anyway hes got a cool goth boyfriend now. he actually tries to earn peters respect by making him recognize him as dangerous which BACKFIRES BADLY lmao bc peter is trying to control morbius' sense of Hero Ethics just as much as hes trying to control who he punches and when, so seeing morgan get scary makes him double down on the "holy shit dont get evil" stuff. which also backfires badly. these dudes are all fucking trainwrecks

[slowdripsunrise]

book review for into the drowning deep by mira grant!!! spoilers under the cut! just found out the author has a tumblr well if u find this pretty please dont look theres nothing bad in here its just not for you! reviews are for readers and you can get constructive criticism from a paid editor and not random readers doing this for free :)

ok i. literally just finished this and am writing it as i am staring at the finished checkmark on my computer lol wanted to get this out so i didnt forget. anyways ok so i super liked this book. love feels like a strong word bc i think im on too much adhd meds to really feel it like that but yeah i really really liked it.

OBViously the best part about this book were the mermaids. i came into it wanting mermaids and creepy shit in the ocean and science and thats what i got. they were creepy wnd fucked up and vicious and murderous amd beautiful and i loved them so much. especially that we got their pov! and how sometimes from their pov we would get little hints of answers about them before the scientists did. i liked that. loved the ocean imagery especially from dr toth was it heavy handed? maybe. idc i love the ocean.

this was also again. creepy as fuck not downright terrifying which surprised me bc im a huge wimp. but i was on the edge of my seat and anxious and nervous for a lot of the characters... which leads me to my next point i guess i dont really feel like i connected per say with all of the characters as much as others. like i feel connected for sure to olivia, especially when its her pov, the probable undiagnosed autism diagnosis goes crazy. and i really liked the wilsons, luis was nice, i liked dr toth. everyone else i didnt really care. which is fine i read this for cool mermaids !!

another thing i would kill for more of was the linguistics with hallie and lennox and the mermaid like i fucking LOVE that shit, and also what happened to said mermaid other than just a small bit at the end about it being bought by some rich guy. also would like to see more of the matriarch mermaid. i love the absolute ancient and archaic nature of creatures that are just fuckin so big, especially when it relates to the ocean. and also maybe i missed where her size was actually describe and im generally really bad at conceptualizing how big things are when just given like. measurements but i was picturing this thing as more colossal than anything else, which would tie into luis' research, right?? pretty sure that was his whole schtick and i wanted more of that... i do appreciate the mystery however. this book left me with questions, and not in a like this was filled with plot holes kinda way but more of a i need to know more this is probably how all those scientists felt kinda way. i like that i think. absolutely love how in these reviews im just spitballing ideas and seeing what sticks who knows tomorrow i probs wont agree with half the shit im saying but who cares. im working out my thought irl and this is what happens. on another note we had anchovies out for dinner and im not normally squeamish about them but. looking at them when reading this book did make me feel a bit weird so theres that. 4/5 stars had fun would recommend

[sassykinzonline]

just gonna fill this up at this point(I’ll stop if u need me to lol) anyways. Ok so, Sakura right, if for amazing reasons, boruto didn’t exist, would you see Sakura being with anyone else? Or would she still be with Sasuke(in another universe) Another one, thoughts on Naruto being the villain in shippuden(or however u spell it I can’t spell) ? Like he would either take your place, or villain duo or smt, so like technically him leaving the village and stuff. On another note, if you were to pick from the children in boruto to mentor/teach that wasn’t boruto, would there be anyone else? Or would you still choose him? Is that boruto in general sucks..Like they did Naruto’s hair so wrong in many ways man😪

dont stop - megan thee stallion

if sakura actually wanted to be happy she would get with lee or just some other guy who cares about her, respects her, but also forces her to be more positive and less shallow. thats entirely dependent on whether or not she wants to let go of that obsession or not though. some people never do.

i am really into "evil" naruto AUs but i wonder how his relationship with kurama would go in that case? if the naruto manga was written by someone else, and naruto had a better mentor, i think the idea that naruto would also desert the village after being disillusioned a lot more. from what i know, one of the reasons he was so ready to travel was because he didnt feel at home in konoha anymore without yours truly. if someone else had gotten to naruto before jiraiya and that person was as manipulative as orochimaru or more loyal to naruto than any village, i think he wouldve straight up deserted. i read an AU where nagato picks him up off the street and treats him like a son, and thats kind of what im envisioning. theres a reality in which that also couldve happened if nagato fought harder to maintain his leadership in the akatsuki instead of letting obito call the shots. but i dont think its necessarily the better choice for him to "go bad". its just a "what if" kind of scenario?

uh....if everything in boruto is exactly as it is right now and i had to choose to join the universe...i would probably still pick boruto because its the only way naruto and i can stay connected in perpetuity. boruto would end up being the proof of our bond. i also do kind of understand boruto's issue so because i relate to him a bit, i think he just needs a good older figure to "hold his hand" so to speak. that being said, if there was no baggage and i could just pick any of the kids, i would pick inojin or cho cho. inojin because his skillset is really interesting but he doesnt seem to have the same innate analytical talents as his parents, so that needs to be fostered. cho cho because i like her attitude, she kind of reminds me of how i feel about ino as an adult.

[dateamonster]

what’s your opinion on monstrous transformations (both fast and slow), and also more controversially what do you think about having monsters/nonhuman characters serve as minority allegory (as opposed to society’s hate for them being being an allegory)

ohhh hold on this is a rly good question i think abt a Lot actually.

ok getting the first bit out of the way, love a good monstrous transformation. fast, slow, its all good. i personally like gradual slow shifts the most but its a situational thing. transformation is one of those things that like just always has to be symbolic. even more than the degree to which Everything is symbolic ya know. so like context rly matters when it comes to how to invoke it most effectively.

MOVING ON

i think from the phrasing of the ask ur looking for something more along the lines of like. for example shapeshifters as representation of nonbinary people or aliens as representation of different cultures rather than like monsters vs humans as allegory for racism. but im also not sure you can meaningfully separate the two! the latter i think is more overused so it like registers more as an immediate red flag, but its like. if the aliens from avatar werent being violently invaded by humans it wouldnt make like their reskinned stereotypical indigeneity anymore tolerable i dont think.

which isnt to say i think every story that draws connections between fantastical fictional species and real world people are inherently bad. i dont really think theres any trope that i believe cant be handled well by anyone under any circumstance. the super easy fix to bad rep via monster or fantasy creature characters is basically just have actual humans who also represent those same identities and communities and experiences so that the audience isnt drawn to connect the traits of any one group with your fictional species.

the harder fix is to like seriously analyze why you want this character to be a monster and what that says about them and what that says about you and your own experiences and biases and what you actually want to communicate with the inclusion of this character. and when applicable hire a sensitivity reader. its kinda crazy how many pieces of media seem to prefer half-assing the hard way over just doing the easy thing and not assigning the status of token minority to a literal monster.

of course once again all of this is ya know circumstantial. im speaking to like my own experiences and the things ive observed. and its weird too! bc im also speaking as someone who like is trans and nonbinary and thinks of myself and my gender expression as inherently intertwined with monstrosity. and as someone who is autistic and thinks of myself as a changeling. and as someone who is a fat person who represents themself with a pig themed sona. if i talk abt cringeass hollywood blockbusters engaging in High Fantasy Racism i feel like to be fair i kinda have to talk about independent own-voices creators who write stories and make art about their own identities in the lovely language of monstrosity. theres not rly a way to draw a hard line around the former without the risk of catching some of the latter.

so umm as usual i dont rly have a snappy all encompassing answer for how i feel abt this kind of characterization. im simply too much of a Nuance Enjoyer. i do i guess think this is something that generally turns out better when it is someone making art about their own experiences, but also unless i believe minority artists are a monolith, which i dont, i need to accept that artists will inevitably make stuff that is beautiful and resonant to some people and totally repugnant and offensive to others, and that both of those responses can be like totally justified and correct. thats art babey!

anyway slight digression but i think any case where a character feels more like an allegory than a fully fleshed u know Character is gonna flop for me no matter how relatable it is. tbqh, id rather more ppl try and fail to make beautiful grotesque frightening sensually moving monsters out of their lived experiences and their empathetic connections with others than succeed at creating bland toothless universally approachable Good Rep tm. if u know u know. if u feel me u feel me. that is all.

[the-lightless-flame]

ok i promised @bornetoblood so here is the web!agnes headcanon

this takes a bit of explaination so ill go into how it would work and then ill talk about why i like it

(also obviously this is just based on my interpretation of agnes and her story, if u have a different interpretation of her thats fine!! i just love my funny messiah woman and want to see her happy)

this became very long so the essay is under the cut

ANYWAy so the 'how':

jonny said in the season 4 q+a that one could probably sever their connection with the desolation via a completely selfless sacrifice.

agnes' suicide probably fits this description; the in-canon explanation (from what agnes told arthur) is so that the lightless flame could eventually try the scorched earth again with another messiah.

i dont fully believe what arthur said, and its definitely possible that she was just telling him what he wanted to hear. in that case, her making the decision to once and for all stop herself from being able to bring about the scorched earth probably counts as a selfless act as well, cause even if the scorched earth was never actually going to work, she didnt know that.

the first option doeshave a certain irony to it imo, but it doesnt really fit with how i see her at this point, as i think at this point shes not that loyal to the lightless flame (see: jack barnabus). it doesnt really matter to the headcanon tho, all that matters is that agnes committed a selfless act.

doing this disconnected her from the lightless flame, but in doing so she could have potentially connected to another entity.

all that's really required for becoming an avatar is choice, but physical and metaphysical death is encouraged; agnes is experiencing both (physical is obvious, and metaphysical as the death of her as messiah of the desolation).

imo the web is the obvious choice. she already has a connection with it through gertrude and hilltop road, and a lot of agnes' story is about the ways the lightless flame controlled and groomed her, as well as how her final weeks were when she finally managed to get some kind of control over her life (even if that control is her own death). basically, since control is a big theme in agnes' story, and taking control is the prominent feeling that led to her death, i dont think creating a connection to the embodiment of control is such a reach.

so agnes goes through something similar to jon's coma. maybe the lightless flame thinks shes dead, maybe they realise she isnt connected to the desolation anymore and leave her alone.

from there, agnes just does whatever. probably tries not to do anything too notable. she burns emma harvey's house with gertrude obviously, and she does need to feed her power but i dont think she'd do anything thatd get in a statement.

ok so thats how i think it could happen. now why i like it:

first, i dont really like agnes having died. it works fine as an ending to her story as a part of the show at large i guess, and it doesnt really matter to me in that sense. but for her as a character, i think her ending just makes her generic tragic character and thats not really my kind of thing. idk, like i said im not mad about it being her ending or anything, theres definitely a lot to be said for how her living under the lightless flame couldve led to that decision, but its not really what i want for her.

there is also how it relates to the queer reading of her story, but i talked about that earlier.

also i want her to be happy. leave me alone.

second, i really like the idea of agnes having a semi-normal life. she still has web stuff, but its mostly just subtle stuff (we know there are a lot of spooks that arent reported to the institute, and i think what she does is probably that). gertrude tracks her down at some point to help killing emma harvey, but that it.

the web probably doesnt need her to do anything major, cause thats what annabelle's for and shes only a few years away from being an avatar.

in the eyepocalypse she probably tries not to make things too bad for people in her domain, as much as thats a thing she can actually do.

third, iirc it means that every web avatar thats dead was killed by another web avatar. and i think thats fun. obviously she wouldnt have been a web avatar for raymond, but she probably wouldve been marked and thats enough for me.

i like the imagery of the web keeping people only until theyve become obsolete, i imagine it probably wouldnt want to keep people around once theyve done what it needed them to do. also spider imagery.

fourth, agnes did not get NEARLY enough opportunity to be gay. like she probably fucked jude for at least a while but there is. no way that relationship was healthy. (i could talk a lot more about that but this is already too long)

idk who with. i like gertrudeagnes conceptually but i also like them only having met once. they probably did fuck tho.

i saw a fic earlier that shipped her and annabelle and i havent read it yet but that sounds fun.

idk maybe she just finds a normal, non-aligned girlfriend. thats probably the best option. anyway let her be gay

ok thats it the essay is done. i probably forgot stuff but ill just talk about it later. again this is just my headcanon, u might interpret her different to me and thats fine! the whole point of her story is we dont know that much about what shes really like so theres a lot thats just up to personal opinion.

if for some ungodly reason u read all of this then why??? (i just checked its at like a thousand words wtf) but also tysm i probably wont have children but if i do u are now entitled to my firstborn.

this is too long im going to stop talking now bye