#and then myself :P

[soft-serve-soymilk]

Also speaking of my son Dism scrolling through windows help forums is so fun because yay :) that's my son :)

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[mournfulroses]

Sophocles, from "Electra: A Tragedy," translated by Anne Carson

[hellspawnmotel]

madoka magica x 2001: a space odyssey

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

[bequiteanddrivee]

[nightthinker-08]

Some swaps

[zuzu-draws]

King of Pouts and Grumps, Ladies and Gentlemen! /(.^.)\ ~ <3

[princessbrunette]

babydaddy!rafe — the moodboard ♡

[meeenx]

in the spirit of ✨romantizing my mental illnesses✨

i am dubbing this specific phenomenon:

the slim hours

in my experience doing intermittent f@sting, this is the specific period of time in my fast where:

it’s after the point where i get the most hungry

it’s sometime at the 22hr mark, it used to be at the 20hr mark

i do not feel it if i do a 16:8 fast - only for extended ones (18:6 or OMAD comes times depending on what i eat before)

in my experience, i start to:

lose the hungry feelings

my body feels almost like my bones are heavy

increased focus after 17-18 hours, i was able to get multiple things done and efficiently

if i sm0ke 🍃, it hits 10x harder va sm0king when eating/after eating

most of the time i am able to ⭐️ve past 24hrs if i can get to this point.

feeling energized to get through workouts

feeling a bit more cheerful in personality/maybe in part to exercise release chemicals and such

each time i get to this time in a f@st, i always see the scale drop the next day. always.

drinking low cal drinks, coffee, tea, anything without cals doesn’t affect it.

i call it ‘the slim hours’ because it does feel like after the 22hr mark it’s like i feel myself shrinking, like my body is forced to eat through my fat instead of any extra cals.

this time is different for everyone, but i’d recommend finding

✨ your slim hours ✨

(let me know if there’s a scientific name for this i wasn’t sure and just gave it a cute name imo idk i was a visual arts major plz)

[squuote]

ive done a piano drop joke before and by god ill do it again. piano crashers

[persocomie]

stop sabotaging yourself

[even-disco-baby]

THOUGHT GAINED: INFERNAL ENGINES

PROBLEM

The world is ending. You know it, your neighbor knows it, the dealer knows it, the jailer knows it, the king and all his men know it. All one has to do is look around to see it— the future is curdling into something pale and incorporeal. The infernal machine that is this stupid world is going to blow, sooner rather than later. So what are you doing? Why are you still here? Why is anyone still here?

SOLUTION

You are doing the only thing worth doing. You are living. *Why,* you ask? Try and remember now. Remember your mother’s hand on your shoulder. Remember the taste of a fresh catch. Remember the times when you were kind to the dogs in the valley and they did not bare their teeth. Remember the weight of a child on your shoulders. Remember the stars throwing their light against the wall of sodium and smog. Remember singing until your throat was raw. Remember crying just as loudly and publicly, and the gentleness with which someone opened your curled fist and pressed a handkerchief into your palm. Crying, laughing, running, eating, screaming, haunting, loving, fighting, fighting, fighting. The fight fuels you, and you fuel the fight. You run yourself ragged just for a chance to keep running. You never stop. You cannot stop. The world depends on it. *You* are the infernal engine. You are the world. And, simply put: you want to live.

[leo-bandito]

4 YEARS!! 🧪✨🫧☀️🌈🔥‼️

[hyakunana]

When you need to lie, but you're a good boy.

[intoxicating-goddess]

I want you to ride my strap. I want to be able to watch all the sexy faces you make as you take control of your own pleasure. I want to watch how hard you work to get yourself off. I want you to use my tits has handles while you grind your hips against me. Every once in a while, I want to buck into you just to hear you gasp from the unexpected pleasure. When you start to get tired, I want to use my hands to help guide your hips up and down. Then, when I know you're at your limit, I want to thrust into you as hard and fast as I can. I'll keep thrusting inside of you until you finally cum all over my strap.