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faofinn · 1 year

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Day 12 - "Just One More Sip"

@mediwhumpmay

Kieran had, all things considered, settled in well at secondary school. Sure, he had Alfie, who helped no means to an end, but they both had their own struggles the other couldn’t understand.

Tai helped, able to break everything down and explain their diabetes in a way he understood. He hated that his son had diabetes, but he was glad that he could help.

It had been a long day at school, maths first thing followed by history and english and then double PE. Ever the worrier, Kieran was already convinced he was coming down with something, but it was football so he didn't want to sit out. He adjusted his insulin, grabbed some dextrose tablets and headed out of the changing room with Alfie by his side.

They had fun, still off the age where they enjoyed PE and causing chaos. The class were in high spirits as they headed back in to get changed. The twins had verb getting slightly more independence too, much to the fraying of Harrison's nerves. They were allowed to walk to the carpark at the end of the street by themselves, but the pair would be picked up by someone from there.

Kieran was lagging as they left school, a headache starting to brew. He kept chatting away to Alfie though, figuring he probably just needed a drink when they got home. There was no point worrying his brother when their dads were just around the corner.

"Kieran?" Alfie tried for the third time. "Kieran!"

He turned to him, snapping. "What?!"

Alfie pulled a face. "Don't yell at me. You've just stopped walking and you're ignoring me. Are you alright?"

"Just don't want to talk to your stupid face." He spat, arms folded with no intention to move.

"Kieran? What have I done? You don't look too great. Where's your phone?"

"Why do you care?"

"Because you're my brother, idiot." He muttered, grabbing Kieran's phone from him and swiping his arm.

"Hey! Give it back."

"No. Where's your glucose tablets? You had them in PE."

Kieran frowned. He'd left them in his pe kit, and the kit was in his locker. "School."

"Idiot. Do you have any more?"

"How am I supposed to know?" He spat.

"Because it's your bag!" Alfie replied, exasperated. He knew it wasn't his brother, that the hypo was messing with his head, but it always hurt when he spoke to him like that.

"Here, drink this." Alfie shoved a can of pop in his face, rummaging through his own bag - he always kept spares somewhere.

"I'm not thirsty."

"I don't care. Drink it." Alfie snapped, authority in his tone.

Kieran was slightly taken aback, and did as he was told. He screwed his face up at the taste, moving to put it down. "I'm not drinking it. I don't like it."

"Kieran, please. You're having a hypo. Just keep drinking it, just one more sip, yeah?"

He grumbled, tears suddenly overwhelming him. He felt rubbish anyway and now Alfie was yelling at him and making him drink things he didn't want to and it just wasn't fair. Kieran shoved his bag away, not caring as the contents spilled across the pavement.

"Kieran!" Alfie hissed. "Just drink your drink, it'll make you feel better. I need to call dad too, he'll be able to help."

With one hand calling their dad, the other continued to rummage through his bag. He gave a triumphant noise as he grabbed his tablets, shoving several into Kieran's hand. "Chew these."

They seemed better than the drink, so he did as he was told, the wall propping him up more than he was sitting. "Fine."

"Thank you. Keep chewing them and then swallow, yeah? They'll make you feel better." Alfie continued muttering, though he wasn't sure who he was trying to comfort. "Let me check your levels again, hopefully they'll be better."

As he swiped, the phone connected, and relief rushed through him. "Dad." He breathed. "Kieran's having a hypo. I need your help."

Tai had been waiting for the boys, on an early finish at work. When he saw Alfie calling, he assumed it was just to say they’d been caught up or forgotten something and they’d be there soon. He didn’t even get a chance to speak before his son did, and frowned.

“Okay, where are you?”

"By the shops."

“I’ll be a minute, yeah? Have you got some sugar into him?” Tai asked, already getting out of the car.

"I'm trying!"

“It’s okay, you’re doing great.” He said, tucking his phone under his ear as he grabbed his stuff from the glovebox and headed in their direction. “I’m coming, just hold on a minute, yeah?”

"Okay." Alfie turned abxk to Kieran. "Come on, have another tablet, another drink."

Kieran groaned and swiped at Alfie's hands. "I don't feel well."

"Yeah, cause you're having a hypo. This will make you feel better, honest. Please, just one more sip?"

Kieran let himself rest against Alfie, absolutely exhausted. He did as he was asked, though, chewing on another dextrose tablet as he drank. "What am I at?"

"You were 2.8 the second time."

"That's low."

"It was lower. Drink." He encouraged, praying for his dad to hurry up. "You need to finish it all."

Kieran grumbled at his brother. “Can’t you drink it if you’re so obsessed with it?”

"No, I'm not having the hypo. Have another tablet."

He huffed, rolling his eyes, but sipped his drink and obediently reached for another tablet.

Tai arrived after a few moments, crouching next to his sons. “I’m here.”

"He was 2.2 and he's 3 now but he's all grumpy still."

“That’s good, it’s going in the right direction.” Tai told him.

"We were playing football and he didn't eat his biscuits at lunch."

“Well, that was daft, wasn’t it?” Tai said gently. “We all make mistakes.”

"Alfie won't stop pestering me." He grumbled. "And he stabbed me? I have my arm thingy for a reason."

“Oh my god, did he?” Tai couldn’t help but tease. “That was mean.”

"I had to!" Alfie protested, suddenly doubting himself. "Because the arm sensor is delayed and he might have been even lower. Right?"

Tai turned to him. “It’s okay, you’re right. You did the right thing.”

"Is he gonna be okay?"

“Of course he is, his sugars are coming up. You did good.”

"I was worried." He whispered to his dad, trying to keep Kieran from hearing it.

“You did great, kid. Don’t worry.” Tai told him quietly, but turned his attention back to Kieran. “I’m gonna need to stab you again in a bit, I’m sorry.”

"You're kidding me."

“I wish I was. I don’t like it much either, but we need to make sure.”

"I feel rubbish."

"Yeah, because you're an idiot." Alfie nudged him.

"You're the idiot." He replied with a grin.

“You sound better.” Tai joked. “Can you have some more drink for me?”

"Can we buy better pop? I really don't like this one."

“What’s wrong with it?” Tai asked him. “I’ve got some orange juice?”

"Tastes bad."

“Here, try the orange juice.” He offered it to him.

"Mm, okay."

“Are you starting to feel better?”

"My head is pounding." He admitted.

“Not surprised. We’ll get you home soon.”

"Am I gonna have to stop PE?"

“No, you’re just going to have to be careful.”

"I didn't mean to."

"Accidents happen."Tai said softly. "I still have them."

"But you're old." Kieran frowned, before blushing. "Not like that!"

"I see how it is." He laughed.

“I know.”

After a few minutes, letting Kieran sip at the orange juice, Tai squeezed his leg. “Need to check again, and then we’ll get home, alright?”

"Okay. I feel better now, though." He said, offering his hand as the other reached to squeeze Alfie's.

“Good, that’s good. It’s gonna be a bit of a stab.”

"I know." He sighed heavily, overly dramatic as his dad took the sample.

“Sorry, I know it sucks.” Tai said, watching the machine. It had come up more now, to a nicer level, and he grinned. “Much better.”

Alfie breathed a sigh of relief from beside them, passing Kieran his phone too. Kieran grinned back. "What is it?"

“Nearly 4, now.”

"So I can stop drinking?"He asked hopefully.

Alfie shook his head. "You gotta finish it, right dad?"

“He’s right. Finish it please.”

"Okay." He dragged it out, quickly downing the rest of it. "Finished."

“Thank you.” Tai said. “Where’s your stuff?”

"He kicked it over the road." Alfie admitted. "I got most of it back, here."

Tai shook his head. “Of course. Give it here, I’ll carry it.”

"Thanks, dad." Alfie murmured.

“It’s okay. You’ve got plenty to carry, I’ve got my hands free.”

"Alfie?" Kieran asked quietly.

“Yeah?” Alfie asked, his attention on his brother.

"Thank you." He said softly. "Means a lot you were there."

“I’m always gonna be there, idiot. I’m your brother.”

#mediwhumpmay2023 #mediwhumpmay #mediwhumpmayday12 #just one more sip #fic #oc #alfie cunningham-cole #kieran cunningham-cole #taidgh cole #whump #whump of a minor #type one diabetes #juvenile type one diabetes #hypo #hypoglycemia #the brothers being so sweet #low blood sugar #agitated hypo

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quotemenevervore · 2 years

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I finished this while doing an online insulin class, but uh

Merry Christmas/Happy holidays! Enjoy the long overdue preening fic I kept talking about in the past

Content warnings: uh.. none that I can think of, let me know though!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In his defense, he hadn’t interacted with Wilbur much since he’d been revived. So upon seeing the revived man at his doorstep, unknowing of his intentions or even how the hell he knew where they lived, Sapnap slammed the door back in his face. “Who’s at the door?” Karl sat up more on the sofa to look. He took a deep breath before he opened the door again, Wilbur still standing there, though looking slightly dejected but amused. “What are you doing here?” He did his best not to sound hostile, but the man slightly put him on edge. “Scratch that- how did you find our house?” “Did Quackity not say anything to you about me coming?” Now he was the one confused. “No? You know what, come in. He’s in the kitchen.” After opening the door, he walked behind the sofa and rested his arms over the front, watching the brunette enter and sit on the chair opposite his fiancé. He looked awkward, holding his hands on his lap and avoiding eye contact by looking around or staring at his hands. “Quackity, come to the living room.” He called towards the kitchen. ”Hang on, I’m almost done.” “With?” “Dinner? Did you forget it was my night to cook?” “No, but you forgot to tell us we were having a plus one tonight.”

The avian swore, and not a few seconds later he stood beside the fireborn. “I did, sorry. It was a last minute plan.” Wilbur at least sensed the slight tension in the air and kept his amusement at bay. “It’s okay, Q. It happens sometimes.” Karl reached up, taking the Mexican’s hand in his own and smiling at him. “I don’t mind. I just wanna know why.” Sapnap added, taking his other hand. “When’s the last time Quackity’s been preened?” “Wilbur.” “If we’re doing this, we need to discuss all of it. We agreed on this in the office, remember?” The blackette frowned, but sighed with resignation. “Yea.”

“So I’ll ask again. When was the last time Quackity’s been preened?” When neither answered, both confused and feeling slightly guilty for not knowing, Wilbur softened his tone. “I’m not going to be mad, and he isn’t either. That’s why I’m here.” “For?” “I’m going to teach you two how to take care of his wings.”

And so the process began, after Quackity finished dinner to ensure it wouldn’t burn. Wilbur pulled out a water bucket, some oil specifically for feathers, and a soft rag. “Sometimes wings pick up dirt and dust that you’re not aware of until you go to preen your wings,” he explained to the confused duo. Quackity was ushered to sit on a barstool that Wilbur dragged into the living room, and he requested that Sapnap warm the water up a bit before they began. Wilbur looked away when the other avian removed his shirt, waiting until he got the okay that he was wearing an undershirt that wouldn’t get in the way before he looked back.

“Alright. So first, you’ll get your rag wet so you can use it to wipe down the feathers.” Wilbur dipped the rag into the water, rinsing it out slightly and handing it to Karl. “What-“ “All you have to do is wipe his wings down. He’ll tell you if you’re hurting him.” The brunette nodded, then stepped forward so that he could reach the other’s wings. He placed a hand on the opposite side of the wing as Quackity stretched it out, feeling the tension in his wing alone. “Is this okay?” He whispered to the other. “It’s alright. Go ahead and start.”

With the upmost gentleness he could muster, he began to wipe the wings down, not letting them get damp but making sure they were clean before moving to the next. Which there wasn’t much dirt anyway; he only kept his wings out when he was at home or when something bad happened in public. He could feel the tension oozing out of the other already, and it helped keep him going, easing the slight shake of his hands. When he’d finished the last feather, he didn’t know what to do next, standing and holding the rag in his hand until Wilbur took it, placing it in the bucket and handing it to Sapnap. “Alright. While Sapnap does the other wing, I’ll show you how to properly preen his feathers, alright?” Karl nodded, curious to see how this would affect his fiancé. From how Wilbur and Quackity talked about it before, it was supposed to be a good experience. But only time would tell.

Wilbur poured a minuscule amount of oil onto Karl’s hands, motioning for the other to rub his hands together as he recapped the bottle. When he’d set the bottle back down, he raised his hand so that it hovered over the duck’s lesser coverts. He began to explain the wing’s feathers as he motioned for Karl to bring his hands up to the small, soft feathers, walking him through distributing the oil through the feathers and gently repositioning the feathers that weren’t in place with a nudge of his fingers. The tension completely left the duck’s body as he was preened, the gentle and careful movements relaxing. He’d begun to pitch forward on the barstool when Wilbur moved to push his shoulders back up, stirring him back awake. “Do we need to lay you down, Big Q?” He joked, but relented when the other nodded and gave a small content chirp, helping him off the chair and onto the ground. He crossed his arms and rested his head on them, keeping his wings stretched out as he felt both of his fiancés go back to the tasks they were doing, satisfied that he wasn’t going to bust his face on the floor anymore.

Sapnap was only finished with cleaning the feathers of his wing when Wilbur took the rag from him, biting a snarky retort back when he noticed the shake to his hands. “I think his wing’s clean, Sapnap.” He settled for a soft joke instead, walking him through the same steps he did for Karl. The fireborn listened intently, letting Wilbur walk him through it up until he actually placed a hand on the other’s wing.

A surprised chirp escaped the duck hybrid, making Sapnap yank his hand back as if he burned him. For all he knew, he had. “Sorry, sorry.” Quackity sleepily spoke, relaxing back into the floor. “Your hands were warmer than I was expecting.” “Scared the fuck out of me. I thought I burned you.” “You’re really nervous about this, aren’t you?” “Am I not supposed to be?” “You’re not gonna hurt me. Well, if you keep getting nervous you might, but otherwise you’re not gonna hurt me. Sapnap, we’ve been engaged for how long? You haven’t burned me once in the time we’ve been together, and I’ve seen you burn forests down before.” “Come on, how come I’m the only one doing the work here?” Karl pouted in an attempt to convince the other to relax. Wilbur shook his head at the fiancés’ antics.

Eventually, they managed to coax Sapnap out of his worry of burning the other, and Quackity found himself actually enjoying the warmth the fireborn’s hands provided. Not that Karl’s were cold, but compared to the other’s they were lukewarm. He melted into the affections regardless, mind drifting farther away. More chirps escaped him, but he didn’t find it in him to care. The others didn’t care either, if the satisfied smile Wilbur held and the soft giggles from his fiancés meant anything. He hadn’t even realized when they’d finished, pulling their hands away and carefully folding his wings against his back in a way that wouldn’t shift the feathers they just preened. “Should we put him on the couch until he’s a little more with it?” Karl looked to the other two, getting a shrug from the other avian. “He’d probably get upset at being moved right now, though we can get him a blanket to put over him until he comes back.” Wilbur shook his head. “Just on that reaction alone I can tell he hasn’t been taking care of them.” “Sorry.” Sapnap looked at the duck hybrid, guilt pinching his lips into a tight frown. “It’s not your fault, nor is it Karl’s. Hopefully, he won’t let this happen again.” “Wanna stay for dinner?” The brunette asked, catching the revived man off guard. “I’m sure we have enough. Plus, we owe you something for helping us learn about this.” “I don’t need-“ He was cut off by shuffling, all looking down as Quackity pulled himself up to his knees, stretching his arms. “You act like I didn’t say yes to you coming over knowing I’d be feeding you too.” “You’re back surprisingly quick.” “Not really. My head’s still floaty, but that’s just instincts acting up.” Wilbur nodded, more to himself than the other. “Well, let’s go eat. I’m sure everyone’s hungry.” Karl smiled, waving everyone towards the dining room where Sapnap had already resided, plates dished up and sitting at the table.

They hadn’t expected anything to come out of the evening, but not a single one of them complained as they talked and laughed with Wilbur while they ate dinner. And even after he left, and their avian started coming back out of the haze the preening left him in, they didn’t mention how bizarre it was to see the revived man. Instead, they all retired early for the night, cuddling with Quackity in the middle and feeling closer to the avian than before.

#shrunken manhunt #the overdue preening fic

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kaiba-fangirl · 1 year

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If you follow my main, you know I've been focusing on medical stuff again. Just went for bloodwork last week. 13 pages of things to test for, I think 8 vials of blood. I finally got the results back this morning, and I've been going over them, comparing flagged things to symptoms. A few of these results could be connected to low sex drive. Not one of my symptoms, but I was reading everything anyway. These are disorders & conditions related to organ damage, where the symptoms may either be nonexistent, or just 1 symptom, or mistaken for other things, or even written off as nothing. But this actually isn't about my medical journey. That's long and confusing even to uncaring professionals, and I of course have to wait to at least see what my endo says about it all. This is cuz... I'm 35, been on this journey since I was 12, and finally staring at hard numbers from my blood that most likely mean organ damage from 29 years of untreated hypothyroidism. So I have some delicate life experience, that I hope others are willing to not bite my head off over.

...especially cuz it's June.

. But I'm also putting this HERE, on kaiba-fangirl, as a reassurance that I am not trying to write this off the other way, either. Because, my hardest headcanon for Kaiba, since 15, through all the shipping through all these years, even way back then, whenever someone would ask me who I ship Kaiba with, (& let's be real, they meant-) do I like Puppyshipping - or even alone, did I think he was gay? In 2003, I didn't know what to succinctly answer except, "I don't really think he'd be into anyone..."

. Kaiba & Joey stuff was usually hot cuz they're independently both hot. Kaiba & Serenity was just to get Joey steamed, & again both hot in fanart. Kaiba & "blue-haired-girl" (before her name was reliably translated) was just cuz BEWD destiny ancient egypt. Kaiba & Mai - just my 2 faves, so put together? Eh... 🤔 Nahhh.

. Probably 10 years later before I finally learned "asexual" & was like "FINALLY" - but not for myself. Ohhh very much not myself lol. But I finally had a word to describe Kaiba.

. So, as I hope you can guess by now, I'm (probably making a huge mistake typing this out loud) here to combine these 2 things to tell you: Low sex drive *CAN* be a medical indicator that something is wrong. And it could be a singular symptom, but a closer look at extensive bloodwork can tell a larger story. I *look* perfectly healthy. On average, I usually feel pretty fine. Which is how it took 29 years to find my hypothyroidism, during which time it's caused other organ damage (adrenal glands, kidney, pancreas. & then heart disease if I can't get my cholesterol under control, diabetes if I can't get the insulin resistance under control) & hurt my life greatly. And I don't know what treatment is going to look like from here on out.

. Yes, asexuality is valid & I even feel I do understand it. I do know it doesn't just mean low sex drive; I know you can be asexual with a high sex drive. I know it's not about that; it's about feeling sexual attraction, or not. I know it's not absolute but a spectrum. But for a lot of people, it does seem they also say they have low sex drive. And if that is so for anyone, then please do not ignore the fact that it can also be a medical symptom. You probably already know it's also a side effect of SSRIs.

. I certainly do not care who wants to claim asexual for any reason. That has nothing to do with me. But - please - don't let a hidden medical thing - like the autoimmune disorder that hypothyroidism is (& whatever else may be wrong with me) or the metabolic syndrome that PCOS is (a possibility my endo is looking into) - destroy your actual organs just because you didn't want to check.

. I'm just older & don't want anyone else to go through what I have with all of this. I have had to fight since I was 12 to get a blood test workup like this one. & it's probably cuz I'm just going to reportedly "the best" practice within 50 miles, which means no insurance & throwing a credit card at them. With gas & tolls round it to $500 first visit, $250 followups. First time in my life some of this stuff is getting tested. 29 years before my thyroid was ever tested. @ EVERYONE, get your thyroid tested. Endocrine issues are so misunderstood or little understood, can hide as so many other things, or get written off as absolutely nothing, but they affect everything in your body. It's basically how your brain tells your organs what to do. It's so important. But no one pays attention.

. I understand the sensitivity, but not everyone who tells you to check low sex drive medically is just trying to write off asexuality. I'm saying get it checked cuz too many symptoms of actually serious things get written off as nothing. THIS is the kind of "something medically wrong" we're talking about. Kinda need your other organs to work to keep your body alive to even be around to be asexual. Okay?

. And this applies to so many other things I'm seeing on these lists. Anything. Don't ignore it. Do whatever you can to see a good doctor. If reddit doesn't die, find a community there to share stories & experiences. This just seemed to be the one thing I've seen people get defensive over, taking it as only an identity thing, when there can very much be serious physical reasons behind it. Take care of yourself. 💙💙💙

#hypothyroidism #endo tag #kaiba is ace #ace!kaiba #...& now that i typed it all up i'm worried about actually tagging that... =/#anyone? someone tell me whether this'll get me dragged out into the street & shot 😩

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hyperactivetransdrone · 25 days

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So yall know how there are only 4 flavors of diet soda pop sold in stores most of the time

With Coca-Cola, Mountain Dew, and Pepsi the most common diets then Doctor Pepper being uncommon in terms of rarity and everything else being mythically rare

Well actually let's do a chart to show both of these:

Common:

Pepsi, Coca-Cola, Mountain Dew

Uncommon:

Doctor Pepper

Rare:

Literally every single other sodapop

Literally that's it, at least where i live and out of those mountain dew is the tastiest now before I continue to my next chart your probably wondering

"Why don't you just get Zero Sugar?"

Because 0 Sugar fucks with my blood sugar and according to my 5 minute Google search some of the sugars in some of the 0 sugars mess with your blood sugar but I don't know which ones and in which sodas and I'm type 1 so the thing that fixes my blood sugar isn't slowed or anything like type 2, it's literally dead, I don't make any insulin by myself I need an outside source for all reasons.

Anyway another thing that effects flavor is the source all rate those next

Bottled - Amazing Tastes really good

Straight from the tap into a glass (made of anything glass glass, plastic glass) - The Best, straight up cannot be outmatched, especially if it's a personal recipe

Fountain - Also really good, better than bottled, but worse than The Tap

Canned - Ew, it's drinkable but it really makes it taste bad

Now only generic brands of pop can be from the tap like root bear can be from the tap but A&W cannot bc the tap is like you made it yourself so you CAN copy Pepsis recipe but it is also made in a factory however you Local Root Bear can be made in a tap but CANT be in anything else (except maybe a glass bottle) so for this next chart of those 4 pop brands it will include everything but tap

Bottled

Pepsi - 6.5/10, pretty good but I like cream sodas and root bear more.

Coca-Cola - 6/10, good but it's too common for me to not be constantly tired of it.

Doctor Pepper - 7/10, good but tastes REALLY similar to coke and pepsi

Mountain Dew - 8/10, the most unique, ergo refreshing of the 4 but I like cream sodas and root bear and Local Sodas, and also unique sodas more

Fountain:

Pepsi - 7/10, slightly better than bottled, but that's probably bc it's fresher... relatively speaking

Coca-Cola - 6.5/10, same reason as Pepsi but again, too popular/common for me to like it anymore

Mountain Dew - 8.5/10, highest I'll give a soda pop that's not unique or local just because it tastes different than all the other pops here

Doctor Pepper - 8/10, same reasons as all the others but also it just tastes different enough from coke and Pepsi that it's just a little bit better

Canned (it's red so you cam probably guess my opinion):

Pepsi - 5/10, bad but coke does it worse probably bc coke is more common/popular

Coca-Cola - 4/10, actual trash, tastes horrible

Mountain Dew - 6.5/10, doesn't actually taste all that different from bottled but does taste good enough that it gets the highest score out of all of bottled

Doctor Pepper - 5.5, it's better than coke and Pepsi that's canned, that I'll say

Umm yeah I just wanted to say my annoyance, please tell me how I'm wrong but if you say

"Just drink normal soda!"

1. That can kill be because in 1 can there's like 36 carbs which is about as much as a stack of homemade pancakes, and it doesn't even fill you as much

2. I've been type 1 diabetic for... (if I Exclude the fact it was at the end of the year so I was practically a year older) like almost 6 years like 5 years and 2/3s a year so pretty much 6 years so I've gotten used to diet and now taste the coating of sugar around my mouth when drinking non diet pop now which just feels really gross like think of it like having plastic sealed to your hand, and I mean sealed, not like latex where you can get it off I mean you can't take it off with your hand, you just have to wait it off like that pine sap that gets stuck between your fingers that won't come off even after washing your hands

Anyway uhh feel free to disagree I will argue you (unless you yell then you are correct) and umm sorry for ranting, I already know no one will see this lol so if you do see this say hi to me :)

#random thoughts

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essievx · 3 months

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how trying to feel better makes me feel worse, and how trying to survive just makes me want to die

i have a myriad of health issues that make me feel like a ticking time bomb. if i let something go in favor of another treatment because it no longer feels urgent, it'll start creeping up on me again. depression, pcos, acid reflux, acne. it's a cycle of feeling better and feeling worse, getting blamed for being inconsistent with treatment, but never really having the resources to fully see anything through.

i stopped going to my psych a few months ago as we finally stopped the meds (after ~1 year+!!), but i still haven't found a therapist. i never really hit it off with the ones i've met in the past. i guess it's an incompatibility with the approaches used, or the way they speak makes me shrink. my psychiatrist is rad though—i was able to stick with her for a year without realizing, so i know she's cool.

even so, she has her own limitations. i want to get diagnosed for adhd and autism after a lifelong battle of trying to figure out, what the fuck is wrong with me? but this requires a full-blown assessment that costs an arm and a leg, even with how much i make. and even then, what if it doesn't confirm any of my suspicions? what if my mind's just making things up all along?

speaking of health professionals that just make me feel small, let's talk about ob-gynes. i love how they're so good at making their patients feel like utter shit.

i have insulin-resistant pcos, an unmarried woman with no kids, and they make me feel like i'm the most disgusting piece of shit to walk this earth for being fat, for having gone on contraceptives in the past so i can, oh i don't know, avoid teenage pregnancy, and for only seeking help later on in life.

if i didn't need a prescription for the meds to manage this i probably would have just stopped trying to see a doctor. i'm doing my best to improve my quality of life, but why do they make me feel like i should have done it yesterday and i'm stupid for even trying now?

it was actually funny because the doctor was like, oh don't worry if you're not getting your period because of pcos! you can still get pregnant like... lady. getting pregnant is the last thing i want right now, especially when i'm this mentally unstable and i haven't even done a single thing in my 20s worth writing home to aside from surviving a global pandemic.

having my own kid and starting a family is great in theory, but the idea terrifies me because i feel like an overgrown child, and children don't have any business taking care of other children. i don't want to become like my parents, the ones who gave me all this baggage i still carry many years down the road. i know there's no such thing as a perfect parent, but i'm hardly anything decent either, if the way i treat my younger siblings is anything to go off on.

i have around a decade to go before getting pregnant becomes risky for me or the proverbial fetus i'll carry in my body, and even if i push the timer to its limit, what becomes of me after i birth it? do i just work myself to death for another living being the way my parents did for me? i already hate myself enough as it is.

i keep on overthinking it because i'm not committed to a childfree lifestyle, but i'm also not 100% sold on having a child. i don't want to lose that window of opportunity, but i also don't want to tie myself down. i don't want to do myself a disservice, but i don't want to be unfair to my partner, either. it's like i have to decide whether i want to do this or not so i can plan my life around it, or else i'll curse myself when it catches me off-guard.

anyway, i think i'm dying. i'm trapped in this stupid flesh prison just waiting for it to all end. i can't see myself getting thinner, healthier, or happier. the numbers just keep on going up. my body is slowly falling apart, i've gotten sick more than 3 times in the past month alone, and my mind has never truly known peace.

i'm doing what i can but i don't really feel any better, and the people around me don't seem to appreciate the effort i put in either, so there's no sense of gratification at the end of all the time, money, and effort i put into treatment. i can't do it for myself, when the self wants nothing more than to disappear like salt dissolving in water.

#essie's rant tag

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kirstenlinae · 2 years

Text

Counting My Blessings

I've got about twenty minutes before I have to pack my lunch and start getting ready for work. All in all, I honestly had a pretty productive morning that I feel really good about. I woke up around 9:30a, had a few cups of coffee, rode my bike for a half an hour, cleaned the kitchen and did the dishes, had a healthy breakfast and took my insulin/medicine. I am feeling a little tired and sluggish now, though...wish I could take a short nap before work. Probably best that I don't, though. I'll just wake up more tired.

I am only working at the hotel three days a week right now. She took me off of my Saturdays for this schedule (3 weeks) which cuts out two extra shifts. I am supposed to work Weds-Fri and every other Saturday. I assume my boss made the schedule that way in order to be more fair, and give everyone some hours. I asked her why she cut my Saturdays and she said that the change is only temporary. In all honesty, I would rather only work 3 days a week at the hotel and pick up another bi-weekly housekeeping client instead. I don't have any potential clients lined up for that, though.

Anyway, enough about all that boring day-to-day stuff. I honestly wanted to make a post to say that I am trying to focus on what's in front of me at the moment. Meaning my healthy lifestyle changes and surgery. While I would love to go back to school in January, I just don't think it's a good idea financially or otherwise. I talked to my mom about it yesterday and this morning and she agrees. She encouraged me to apply for scholarships between now and next summer. I guess it wouldn't hurt to try. Aside from the school stuff, I woke up today feeling like God has blessed me with this opportunity for surgery, to potentially put my diabetes into remission and add years onto my life. To open up possibilities that wouldn't otherwise present themselves to me if I stayed overweight and sick. However, a blessing means nothing if you don't take responsibility for it. If you don't further cultivate it. That's where I am at right now. I need to start at A and go to B. I have always been the type to get impatient with the process of things but, this lifestyle change is not something you can rush. When I was in school previously, earning my bachelor degree, I would always think that I would be able to focus on my health after I graduated since school took up so much of my time and energy. I would be foolish to rush back into school without taking care of myself first. Before I started this process for surgery, I felt like the sands of time were slipping through my fingers and there was nothing I could do about it. Now I feel more in control of my health and thus, my destiny. I woke up grateful this morning. Grateful for the opportunities that are already right in front of me. I woke up with a new motivation, a new desire for consistency that would yield me results.

School can wait. Right now I am too busy doing healthy girl shit.

Until next time.

#journal #personal #bariatricsupport #weight loss #healthy eating #exercise #bariatricsurgery #bariatric diet #bariatriccommunity #bariatriclife #weight loss journey #gastric bypass

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fanficwritinggirl · 2 years

Text

Purple Hearts (Part 2)

Disclaimer - the plot is closely followed by the events of the Netflix movie Purple Hearts. All rights to the plot go to Netflix. Characters go to the rights of the makers of Top gun maverick

“It looks like I can’t refill your prescription for another 4 days”.

Elena raises her eyebrows at the pharmacist.

“I can’t really wait another 4 days” Elena tells her. Putting her bag up of the counter Elena pulls out the vials.

“Look I’m out of my long acting and short acting insulin and my reserve vial is gone, and it’s really dangerous for my not to have this” she explains to the pharmacist. The pharmacist looks at her with pity.

“Look I can give you a refill of your prescription if you want to do it out of pocket…” Elena cuts her off.

“I don’t think you understand…”.

“No, your insurance is now renewed so I can’t refill your prescription, if you want me to refill your prescription then we can do it out of pocket” the pharmacist explains. Elena runs her hands through her hair pulling it back and sighing.

“How much is that going to cost” Elena asks. The pharmacist types quickly into the computer before turning to her.

“It’s 300 dollars for the long acting, 220 for the short acting, so it’s a little over 500 dollars”. Elena’s mouth flies open in shock and she sighs again.

“I’m sorry I will be with you in a minute” the pharmacist explains to the customers behind her.

“Here, take this” a voice says, a handful of dollar bills are pushed in front of her. Elena turns and groans.

“Penny, no I can’t take this” Elena explains pushing the money back to her.

“No, take this and get the insulin. You need it Elena” Penny tells her sternly before walking back in line. Elena looks at the pharmacist, who was looking at her with a unhappy look.

“Dont worry about it, I’ll try to go to Friday without it, go big farm” Elena says grabbing her bag and walking out. As she walking past the line she stops and hands the money back to Penny.

“I don’t need your help, I have to figure this out on my own” is all she says before walking out.

Sighing, Elena gets out of the car and heads towards her apartment building, she was hoping that she could get some sleep before she had to go to work.

“Elena wait up” a voice says. Elena turns and sees Penny jogging after her. Elena sighs. Penny stops next to her and they both start walking up the steps.

“So what was that back there Pen. I’ve told you that I don’t need money. And you know how I feel about charity” Elena explains to her stopping at her door. She turns back and grabs the door handle from the flower pot and puts it in the door stepping in.

“Elena you’ve got a letter” Penny says holding an open envelope out to her. Elena takes it and groan.

“You didn’t pay your rent” Penny asks putting her bag down. Elena sighs.

“It’s nothing don’t worry” Elena says trying to reassure Penny.

“Elena of course I’m worried about you, I mean look at this place it is falling apart, how do you live like this” Penny asks. Elena sighs.

“We’ll I’ve been busy, little details aren’t so important and anyway I am paying, just paying late, I mean I’m giving the landlords daughter piano lessons so they can’t really kick me out or anything” Elena says and Penny sighs.

“Why don’t you move in with me and Amelia. We have a spare bedroom that you can have. I’m not going to expect you to pay rent or anything” Penny offers and Elena groans.

“No Penny that is to much. I mean i would be able to pay for it but diabetes really wasn’t in the budget okay” Elena laughs and Penny looks at her shocked.

“Elena this is serious how are you laughing about this, without your insulin you could die at any moment” Penny explains.

“And I know that Penny” Elena shouts. Penny looks at her sadly.

“I know that. But I’m fine. I’m doing everything right, I’m working at the bar, I’m delivering food, I’m getting a few gigs here and there, and teaching piano on my spare time and I’m constantly exhausted. I can’t sleep because I am constantly worrying about these medical bills that are up to my eyeballs and it just keep growing and growing and growing like some mild in a basement. So can you please just give me a break” Elena yells. Penny wipes the tears in her eyes before pulling Elena in for a hug.

“Im sorry okay. I’m just worried about you” Penny explains and Elena hugs her back and sighs.

“I know Penny. I know” she whispers to the older women as she tries to hold in her own tears.

Later that night, Elena stands up on stage singing a cover of Feel It Still, a song which she actually liked. It was dark and the crowd was going crazy singing along and cheering her on. As she was singing she could feel herself getting more and more dizzy. The crowd was getting blurrier and she was beginning to not be able to speak. Putting down the microphone, Elena stands up from the stool and walks off of the stage and towards the bar. As she gets to the stools she falls luckily catching herself.

“Are you okay” Penny asks her concerned, walking around the bar and giving Elena a hand. Elena nods standing up.

“I’m fine can I just have my bag please” she pleads and Penny nods walking behind the bar and handing Elena her bag.

“Thanks”, Elena says walking towards the staff toilet. Getting in she closes the door behind her before falling to the floor and sighing. She pulls her bag closer to her opening it and grabbing her glucose monitor, needle and insulin. After taking the reading she injects herself with the insulin and immediately feels relief in the fact that she knows that she isn’t going to be as dizzy soon. As her vision comes more into focus she sighs when she sees the vial. She was out of insulin.

“Shit” she whispers to herself. She leans her head back onto the door and lets the insulin kick in. She couldn’t go one like this.

Her eyes wander up to the mirror where there is a sticker plastered to it. A sticker for the marines. Elena’s mind wanders to what Hangman had said to Penny.

‘"Hey Hangman just told me to reconsider my stance on men, because if I married him I would get incredible health insurance". Getting married to a marine means that she would get great health insurance and she would get financial support. Sure she didn’t have to marry Hangman to do that. She just needed to marry someone who she could stay married to for maybe a year and then they could divorce and by then she should be more financially stable. She knew exactly who to ask.

Walking up to the small bungalow, Elena was filled with nerves. What she was about to ask was crazy but it was important, this was life and death.

Knocking on the door, her hands were shacking.

“Ruben” she calls. The door flies open and she is shocked at who was standing there.

“Your not Ruben” she says. Bradley looks at her with a shocked look but then it quickly changed to a smirk.

“So. What happens to the future of men? Is it a plague? Robot wars?” He asks with his arms crossed. Elena raises an eyebrow and smirks.

“Do you wanna know? It doesn’t end well for the bros” she says with a smirk. Bradley gives her a small nod before his eyes wander.

“Is that your car” he asks Dan she laughs.

“My Lexus, yeah” is all she says to him before brushing past him and into the house.

“Hey Ruben” she greets the man and he smiles at her.

“Hey” he says giving her a hug. They pull back from each other and she smirks.

“Hey nice banners” she compliments and he laughs.

“Yeah you know what my parents are like. Always want to make me leaving a big deal” he says and she laughs. Her eyes wander as she looks at Bradley who is looking at the both of them.

“Can you give us a minute” she asks him kindly. Bradley raises an eyebrow and her and then looks at Payback who gives him a slight nod of the head which causes Bradley to sigh.

“Yeah sure. I’ll be in the back” he says to them before walking off. Elena shakes her head at him before looking back at Payback.

“Do you want a drink” he offers her before walking off towards the kitchen.

“No thanks” she replies following him into the kitchen. He pulls a beer out of the fridge before turning to her.

“So what is this big question that you wanted to ask me” he asks and she sits down on the stool and sighs getting really nervous.

“So I Um … know that this is going to make me sound really crazy” she starts and he raises an eyebrow at her as she takes a breathe.

“I’m ready” he tells her and she sighs putting her head back.

“Okay I was wondering if you might… you know… marry me” she gets out, putting her head back down and looking at him.

Payback is looking at her shocked. He places his beer down, his wide eyes never leaving hers.

“Are you in love with me or something” he asks and she shakes her head.

“Ummm… no I just… I found out 6 months ago that I had diabetes. Type one” she clarity’s.

“And uh get this, the insurance that I have doesn’t cover the insulin that I need … to like live” she laughs.

“and Penny has tried to get me better insurance but we all know what the government is like. So I am left with the choice of either paying off my debt, and paying my bills and I just can’t… I can’t do both” she tells him.

Payback can’t help but look at her with pity.

“Im really sorry Elena” he tells her and she nods.

“And I’m like, there’s gotta be another way, right? Which turns out there is” she says putting her bag up on the counter and pulling out her phone. She gets in the website and starts scrolling through the site showing it to Payback.

“Marine spouses get full health benefits and we get extra pay just from being married like basic housing allowance, and separation pay and which adds up to be pretty decent and we could split it and everybody wins. What do you think?” She asks and Payback rests his chin in his hands.

“Take your time” she tells him.

The door swings open and Bradley walks in shaking his head.

“I’m sorry. But I have a family friend who is a retired MP” he tells them.

“Excuse me private conversation” Elena scolds him and payback sighs.

“MP is private police” he tells her and she raises an eyebrow.

“Payback look this is a common scam, they kick the tires on these sort of things and if they found out that these sort of things aren’t true then it is fraud” Bradley explains.

“Come on your better than this man” e finishes and Elena scoffs.

“Okay no one asked you, so could you not. And why wouldn’t this not be a real marriage” Elena asks looking at Payback.

“Oh i don’t know because your not in love” Bradley remarks and Elena laughs.

“We’ll I mean we respect each other and we’re not in love but we love each other”, payback laughs at this.

“I mean we would be able to sleep with other people which sounds like the healthiest marriage ever” Elena jokes and Payback laughs again.

“You would be ripping off the government” Bradley says.

“Oh I’d be ripping off the government”.

“Yeah”.

“You mean the government that made my parents pay taxes for 10 years before giving them the right to vote. That government?” She asks him.

“So you mom was living here illegally then” Bradley asks.

“Don’t tell me you are a resident of Southern California that does not see that this entire state was built in the back of illegal immigrants. Like my parents, who crossed the boarded and lived here for them years worked their asses off for ten years, paying taxes for your government” she says pointing her finger at his chest.

“And we’re treated as less than citizens. Then yes. I will gladly rip off the government” she tells him.

“You got anything else you want to say to me, commando” she asks him.

“Dude this is a trap. This is not going to end well for you” Payback tells him with a smirk. Bradley looks between Elena and Payback before looking at Elena again.

“I was just trying to help”.

“Yeah I’m sure you were. Thanks for the help” she sasses before he sighs and walks back out to the backyard.

Elena closes the door behind him and she looks at Payback hoping for an answer.

“So” she says putting her hands on the counter. Payback sighs and shakes his head.

“I’m sorry Elena. I would if I could but I don’t think that it would be easy to explain to my girlfriend that I have a wife” Payback explains to her and Elena looks at him shocked for a minute before smiling.

“You got back with Paige” she asks him and he nods happily.

“Huh… you know I remember when you two met in freshman year my god you two were so in love it was disgusting” Elena jokes and payback laughs. They chuckle together for a minute before Elena runs her hands through her hair all of a sudden feeling embarrassed.

“Okay that was crazy… um im going to go. I have food to deliver and piano lessons to give so” she says grabbing her bag and walking off towards the door.

“Elena you know that if I could give you the money I would” Payback says standing up. She turns and shakes her head at him.

“I know you would, but even if you did I would accept it, I’ll figure it out” she tells him before waking out the door.

Payback stands at the window and watches Elena leave. Bradley stands behind him and watches her hug Paybacks parents.

“Her parents can’t help” he asks Payback. Payback shakes his head and looks down.

“Her parents umm… they died in a car crash when she was 21 so” Payback confesses and Bradley nods.

“That explains it” is all Bradley says feeling a little embarrassed by his past remarks towards her.

“Hey my little man” Payback says to his nephew as he picks him up. Bradley smiles at the interaction but his gaze can’t help but look at the dark haired beauty who was getting in her car and driving away. He had to help her. Somehow. Even if she hated it.

#topgunmaverick #top gun maverick #topgun #top gun #bradley bradshaw fic #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x y/n #bradley bradshaw fanfiction #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw fluff #purple hearts

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peterrparrkerr · 3 years

Text

Hit mad falls in love with target - read on ao3

*-*

Peter waved frantically at Tony when he walked into the lab, eyes glued to a computer screen.

"Tony, quick! Look!" He demanded, nearly vibrating in his chair.

Tony made his way over, hands clasped behind his back as he leaned over Peter's shoulder.

"Isn't it awesome?" The young man asked, waving his hands around.

"What am I looking at?" Tony asked.

"Its cancer," Peter said. He points to different colored lines in the graph, all jagged and fluctuating. "This is breast cancer, and this one is pancreatic, skin, lung."

Tony hums as Peter continues to list each colored line as a different form of cancer.

"I was able to isolate the individual cells from everything else, and- look, look!"

Peter snatches Tony by the shirt sleeve and tugs him from one monitor to the one on the other side of the lab. He taps his fingers on the screen, bouncing on his heels.

"These are the cells after being treated with non-radioactive therapy," Peter said, looking up at Tony. "The number of cancer cells is cut in half within a week!"

Peter then drags Tony across the lab again, babbling excitedly as he does so. "Do you know what this means? This means we can start human testing! And we can market the treatment for practically nothing!"

He shows Tony a live feed of the treatment in action from a TV monitor.

"Think about the possibilities," Peter grinned. "Anyone can get treated, no matter their financial standing. And the treatment isn't as harmful as chemo or radiation. It doesn't attack the body as a whole, it isolates the cancer cells and leaves the rest of the body alone.

"No more hair loss or side effects. And we could cut remission in half too," Peter said. "Just think, this time next year, we could start selling to hospitals all over the world."

Tony smiles down at the younger man. He had known within the first day of meeting Peter that he wouldn't be able to follow through. He's glad he hadn't.

"Have you told anybody else?" He asks casually.

"Ned knows," Peter said. "And Bruce, but they were here when it happened."

"Where are they now?"

Peter gives Tony a wry smile, still too excited about his treatment working.

"I sent them home a couple hours ago," he said. "We've all been awake for almost three days, so I'm sure they've gone to bed already."

"You should be in bed too, don't you think?" Tony asked, raising an eyebrow.

Peter waves him off, shaking his head as he goes to his work desk. "I'll sleep later," he said, pulling his lab coat off and draping it over the chair.

He's dressed in his usual outfit; comfortable pants and a button up.

"Plus, I knew you'd make your rounds around this time, and I wanted to tell you," Peter said with a grin, grabbing his personal items.

That was part of Tony's cover. A janitor for the building Peter worked for. Hes wearing a navy blue jump suit, though he's left the cart out in the hallway.

"I'll walk you to your car," Tony hums, leading the way out. When he'd first started this, he'd offered his company to get closer to Peter -to find his vulnerabilities.

Now though, he does it because he's protecting the young scientist.

He'd skipped out with 45 thousand dollars paid to kill the boy, but as the days had gone on, and Peter had grown comfortable with him, Tony realized he couldn't steal him from the world.

Peter was incredible. He worked tirelessly to find a cure for cancer. He's already created a new insulin for diabetes that he's made available to everyone for only $10 a month -something not many other medical professionals liked.

Peter was making enemies left and right, and Tony decided to make it his job to keep him breathing. If not for the rest of his life, then for as long as it takes for the young scientist to see an end to cancer.

The boy wasn't getting much in terms of money for his creations. In fact, from what Tony's come to learn, the boy doesn't own a car, and rents an apartment with his aunt.

He sees enough to live paycheck to paycheck and this new treatment won't do much to better his life, but he's not concerned with money. He wants to make Healthcare more effective and affordable.

Tony's got morals. Enough of them to know when a hit is a bad investment. That didn't stop him from taking his payment anyway.

The two make it to the car park. Its dark, the overhead lights buzzing annoyingly. Its empty, save for a couple cars belonging to a few of the security guards, and the car Peter shares with his aunt.

It's an older model, grey paint chipping and metal beneath rusting near the wheels. Peter talks animatedly beside him, lands flailing in front of him.

Tony glances around them, scowling as he takes in the familiar cement structure.

"Wait," Tony says, just as Peter's pulling the keys from his pocket. They're a couple feet away from the car, and the hairs on Tony's arms and neck stand on end.

"What is it?" Peter asked curiously, reaching for the door handle.

It's just as Peter grips the handle that Tony sees the wire connected to the metal lock on the other side of the glass.

Tony is quick to react, grabbing Peter by the arms and wrenching him away from the door.

Peter yelps in surprise, but its cut out by the sound of a small explosion. Tony braces for the blast of air that knocks the two off their feet, and grits his teeth at the heat that follows.

Peter's pressed against the cement, Tony weighing down on him. His ears ring, but he quickly gets to his feet, unzipping his jumpsuit and grabbing the .9 mm from the waistband of his jeans.

The car is ablaze, crackle-popping and sizzling. Its just the cab thats on fire, but Tony knows its only a matter of seconds before the flames reach the engine and the fuel line.

Tony looks around him, trying to find the culprit -though he knows from experience that the man won't be here.

He grabs Peter by the armpits and pulls him to his feet. Blood smears against his forehead and jaw. His hands and arms are scraped up and Tony can tell his knees are busted too, but it doesn't look like anything damaging.

"We gotta go," Tony urges, already half dragging the younger back towards the building.

"You-you have a gun," Peter gapes, stumbling after Tony, arm in the older's hard grip. "Why do you have a gun?"

Tony reaches the door for the stairwell.

"I'm a hired gun," Tony said, glancing up, then down, gun following his eyeline before pushing Peter towards the stairs going up.

"I thought you were a janitor," Peter gasped, climbing the stairs and swaying. Tony places his free hand on Peter's lower back.

"Thats just a front," Tony confessed. "We got to get you out of here."

"Someone blew up my car," Peter said, panting as they continue up to the first floor. "Aunt May is gonna kill me."

"Not if Buck doesn't kill you first," Tony grunted, pulling Peter out of the stairwell and into the main lobby.

Tony's car is around the side of the building, but its open to attack. Tony can't keep Peter trapped inside the building though, so he risks it.

Their feet slap loudly on the asphalt as they run for the nondescript black SUV Tony had taken to driving.

He checks around the vehicle, under and inside before issuing Peter into the back seat.

Tires screech as Tony peels out of the parking lot.

"What- whats happening? Tony, what- why do-"

"Someones trying to kill you, Peter," Tony said, blowing past the guard tower at the exit of the parking lot.

"But why?" Peter asked dumbly, voice slurring slightly as more blood turns the side of his face crimson.

"I'll answer all your questions when we're safe," Tony promised, eyes frantically shifting from the area ahead of him to the rear view mirror.

Peter must really be feeling the effects of his head slamming into the concrete, because he doesn't protest.

"Lay down," Tony orders, merging into traffic and slowing down. "Lay low until I say."

Peter does -Tony thinks mostly because of his head injury. Tony relaxes a little, knowing the scientist won't be gunned down in the back seat.

"Where are you taking me?"

"Somewhere safe," Tony answered, keeping an eye behind him.

He doesn't see a tail, but he takes a round-about way to his safe house, just outside of Queens.

When they get to the small cabin, Tony checks the building before helping Peter inside.

"I think I have a concussion," Peter mumbles, swaying on his feet as Tony guides him to the kitchen chair.

"I don't doubt it," Tony agrees, setting his gun down on the table beside Peter's elbow before grabbing the first aid kit.

He pulls another chair over in front of the young scientist and opens the red box.

"Let me see your hands," Tony orders. Peter does, palms up. Tony begins to clean them and his arms.

"Tony," Peter says, breaking the silence. Tony doesn't say anything. He reaches up to clean the blood from the side of Peter's cheek.

"Is your name actually Tony?"

Tony makes eye contact before nodding.

"And you're a hired gun?" Peter asks, slightly breathless. "Like, like a hitman?"

"Yes," Tony answers, reaching the cut on Peter's hairline. Peter winces, but doesn't pull away.

"You kill people for a living?"

"Yes."

It takes Peter a couple seconds, but it seems to hit him. Hes bolting to his feet, the chair clattering behind him.

Tony leans back into the chair, watching as Peter begins to pace.

"What- Tony, you have to tell me whats going on," Peter demands, hand on his head. Tony knows from experience that pacing tends to help the scientist expell excess energy.

"I will," Tony nods. Peter continues his pacing. Back and forth beside the kitchen counter.

"Why- why are people trying to kill me?" He demanded. "Who blew up my car?"

Tony sets the paper towels down on the table, knowing Peter won't sit still for him to properly tend to him.

"The one who blew up your car is another hitman," Tony said. "Goes by the name Winter Soldier."

"You called him Buck," Peter said, pointing an accusatory finger at Tony, eyes narrowed.

"I did," Tony nodded. "Hitmen tend to run in the same circles, though we don't always like each other. Bucky was probably hired to finish the job."

"Finish the job," Peter repeated dumbly. "I'm the job?"

Tony nods, once more letting Peter process. He knew Peter would figure it out without Tony's help. He was smart.

"Finish the job means someone already tried to- to kill me," Peter said, panting as he continued to pace. The wound at his hairline is bleeding sluggishly, dripping down his temple and towards his jaw.

Peter wipes at it without thought, smearing blood against his cheek. He pauses to look down at his hand, fingers glistening in red.

He touches his forehead again, as if remembering he's still injured, then turns to Tony, accusation and fear in his Bambi brown eyes.

"You," he said softly, in disbelief. "You were hired to kill me, weren't you."

"I was," Tony nodded.

"But you haven't," Peter said. Tony can practically see the gears turning behind his eyes. "And, and now whoever hired you hired the Winter Soldier."

Tony only nods. Peter takes a shuddering inhale and has to grip the counter with a bloody hand to stabilize himself.

"I'm- I'm- who- who would want to-to kill me?!"

"The payment was anonymous," Tony said. "Thats how it works. But whoever it is is threatened by you."

Peter looks at Tony incredulously. "Me? Why me? I'm the least threatening person -like- ever!"

"You've cost Big Pharma millions with your insulin," Tony said. "You've patented it, so they can't take it and upcharge the way they've been doing. And if your treatment for cancer is a success, you'd be costing them even more."

Peter takes a moment to process that before he nods. "Right, yeah. I knew I was going to make a lot of people mad about that, but. But I never expected anyone to actually try to kill me."

"Money is a powerful motive," Tony said, a little too much experience leaking into his tone.

Peter hears it, because he stops his pacing, shoulders dropping. Exhaustion seems to pull him towards the floor like an anvil tied to his spine.

He sways a little, and Tony's about to offer him the chair again, but he moves to it willingly. When he sits, their knees are barely touching, and he blinks dazedly at his bloody hand.

Tony grabs a clean rag and leans forward to clean up the blood from Peter's head. The younger lets him, still processing and no doubt sluggish from the concussion.

"Why didn't you?" Peter asked after Tony had taped gauze to his hairline. It was patchy and poorly done, but it would help.

"Why didn't I what," Tony hummed, using an alcoholic wet wipe to clean the remaining blood from Peter's hands. The boy winces at the burn to his scraped palms.

"Kill me," he said, swallowing thickly. "You had plenty of opportunity."

Tony sighed, setting the wipes down before leaning forward and looking Peter in the eye.

"Because I believe in the work you're doing," he said honestly. "And I'm going to make sure you finish it."

Peter blinks once, twice, before breaking eye contact and sighing, body eating to melt into the chair as the air leaves his lungs.

"Come on," Tony said, standing up and slipping the gun into the waistband of his pants. Then offering his hand. "This place is safe. Theres a bed you can sleep in."

"I shouldn't sleep with a concussion," Peter said weakly, taking Tony's offered hand anyway.

"Its mild, I'm sure you'll be fine," Tony mused, heading deeper into the cabin to the bedroom.

The bedroom isn't anything special. A twin bed in the corner, a four drawer dresser and a blackout curtain.

Peter climbs onto the bed, not bothering with the covers or taking his shoes off. Tony thinks its best he sleep with them on anyway, in case Bucky finds them.

Tony moves to leave, grabbing the handle, and Peter bolts upright again, eyes wide.

"You're okay," Tony promises. "I'll be right outside."

Peter gives the barest shake of his head. "Stay here, please," he says softly.

Tony nods, shutting the door and turning off the light before making his way to the side of the bed. Theres an old step stool there, and he sits down at the head of the bed.

Peter lays back down, body too tense to ever fall asleep. Tony keeps his ears attuned to any noise that could alert him to Bucky, or anyone else, gun sitting perfectly stop on his knee, finger off the trigger, but ready at a moments notice.

"Tony?"

"Yes, Peter."

Peter shuffles around, and Tony turns his head just in time to feel pillow soft lips connect with the corner of his mouth.

He can't help but smirk as Peter settles back down. "Thanks for not killing me."

Tony chuckles at that, leaning his head against the wall. "I may be a hitman, but I've got morals," he says into the dark room. "Besides, nobody likes cancer."

Peter laughs tiredly at that before reaching his hand out and grabbing Tony's. Their fingers interlock, and Tony doesn't really know which one of them initiated it.

"You're going to be okay," Tony continued. "I wont let anyone hurt you. You're safe with me."

"I know."

#marvel #tony stark #peter parker #ironman #starker #spiderman #my writing #ao3 #sfsummerbingo21

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punderfulowl · 3 years

Text

Top 10 Anime (That I've Seen) in 2020

Well now, it has certainly been awhile. I'm currently sitting at eight months too late for posting this, but, y'know, something something life happens. More accurately, I already made this list, but wanted to try out what response I'd get from Reddit. Turns out, they're not as cool as you guys!

Anyways, as the title states, this is not a list of my favorite anime that came out during 2020, but instead my favorite anime that I just so happen to see during that year. While it's fun to have an end of the year retrospective, I find that having a list in this format not only adds variety, but also helps bring attention to anime that might have been lost in the shuffle in previous years (I also don't have enough time to stay caught up in seasonal releases).

Honorable mentions:

Aggretsuko S3, My Hero Academia S4, Today's Menu For the Emiya Family, Interspecies Reviewers (yes, really), and I Couldn't Become a Hero So I Reluctantly Decided to Get a Job

10. Maid-Sama (2010)

In hindsight, I find it a bit funny that I wanted to watch something wholesome to kick off 2020. Anyway, Maid-Sama is about a high school girl that is also a no nonsense Class President and she kind of has to be at a school where, until recently, was an all boys school. While she kills it in academics and is good at shutting down any shenanigans from the male student body, her financial situation isn't the greatest and has to balance a job at a maid cafe along with her school-related responsibilities. She does her best to hide her employment there to keep up appearances, but is one day found out by one of the boys who happens to be a big flirt and, yeah, hijinks ensue. While this anime doesn't have too many surprises, our main leads bounce off each other well enough to keep me entertained. Nothing I haven't seen already in other anime Rom-Coms, but I think it has more than earned its place at the start of this list.

9. Haganai NEXT (2013)

It's a personal rule of mine when making these lists that I don't include sequels of shows that were in previous lists. While I DID see the first season of Haganai a couple of years ago, it didn't quite make it into the top ten at that time. Because of that, it meets the criteria for this year's list. While I found the characters were just as charming here as I did during the first season, the development of their relationships really took off. It's a shame that it will most likely not get a third season, but I'm happy with what ride this show gave me. But hey! At least I can read the light novels/manga to continue the story! Wait, nevermind, the Haganai fans on Reddit are saying that's a bad idea.

8. Engaged to the Unidentified (2014)

Based off of a Four Panel joke manga, Engaged to the Unidentified tells the story of a girl in high school suddenly getting some life changing news. As it turns out, her grandfather made an arranged engagement with her and the son of a family he knew. Next thing she knows, the boy in question, as well as his little sister, moves into her family's house! While the boy is unassuming at first, there may be more to him and his family than he lets on. Plain and simple, this anime has charmed me. There's a decent amount of drama and mystery despite the source material and I applaud it! Even though this also doesn't have much new to offer, even to the point where I would compare this to Maid-Sama, what made me pick this at the 8th spot were the color choices and animation quality. Give this a shot if you can!

7. Grimoire of Zero (2017)

It's a fantasy/adventure story starring a loli sorcerer and a huge, anthropomorphic white tiger man. I honestly can't say anything else. I won't be able to do it justice. That first sentence should intrigue you a lease a little bit. Read it, again. Please check it out. It's an underrated gem that no one is talking about.

6. ID: Invaded (2020)

Hey, here's something recent! Unfortunately, this is also not something I can say much about. There may not be too many deep characters and the secret bad guy isn't hard to figure out, but BOY is this anime cool! The best way to describe this series is that it's like the movie Inception, but instead of brain heists, it's brain murder mysteries.

5. Carole and Tuesday (2019)

A runaway rich girl has a fated meeting with an orphan and they decide to make music together...oh, this also takes place Mars. Joking aside, this show was something special with its music (a new song almost every episode no less), interesting setting (freaking Mars, dude), and endearing main cast. Shoot, the music itself would be top 3, maybe number 1, but what bogs it down is the show's second half. I can easily see myself watching this again someday, and maybe my opinion will lighten up, but for now, 5 is a dang good spot.

4. Fate/Grand Order: Absolute Demonic Front - Babylonia (2019)

Part of me hesitates placing this high up on list due to this show being animated, fan service spectacle for Fate fans. However, that hesitation is overshadowed by the fact that I am a Fate fan myself and I can do whatever I want with this list. Even if you're not a Fate fan or play FGO, if you enjoy some solid fight animation, this is worth a look.

3. K-On S1 (2009)

I'll admit it, I might regret not watching the second season then putting the series on the list as a whole, but this how I've been doing these lists and I'm such a creature of habit. There's not much I can say about K-On that hasn't already been said. By itself it's an anime classic and one of Kyo-ani's biggest properties. It's a sweet and wholesome watch, but be sure to have some insulin within reach.

2. Princess Principal (2017)

Imagine you're working with a team of programmers trying to make a mobile game then all of a sudden someone asks to make a show out of it. You know, a show with different character motivations, plot, twist and turns and all that? Most might say that's just a shameless, shallow cash grab, but it turns out okay for Princess Principal. Sure, most might summarize this anime as, "cute girls doing espionage things," but with its cast, visuals, and interesting alternative timeline, it works! Apparently there's a new season or movie in the works and I am all for it!

1. Beastars (2019)

I was not expecting this to be number one, but with much deliberation (with myself obviously) this feels right. It tells a pretty unique story while showing itself to be the exception to the rule when it comes to 3D anime.....it being that it's actually good. While I acknowledge that shows like K-On are classics and deserves to be number one on many different lists, it didn't line up with my personal criteria like Beastars did. My biggest deciding factor is: Now that I've watched this, do I want more? It's true that while I'm excited to start K-On S2, Beastars intrigues me more and ever since season two was announced, I'm looking forward to that more.

Sorry again for this list being so late, but at least the silver lining is that the next end of the year list is about four months away (in theory)!

#anime #k-on #beastars #princess principal #fate grand order #carole and tuesday #id invaded #grimoire of zero #engaged to the unidentified #haganai #maid sama

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blu-joons · 4 years

Text

You Have Diabetes ~ BTS Reaction

Jin:

The smell of dinner greeted you as soon as you walked into the house, finding Jin stood over the stove whilst he began to prepare dinner. “It won’t be long,” he called out, hearing your footsteps walking through the house.

You took a seat at the table, “I thought it was my turn to cook dinner tonight? Or I have just completely skipped a day?”

“I like taking care of you,” he smiled, “and at least I can make sure you’re eating plenty of healthy foods. My cooking skills are a little more advanced than yours.”

“That’s hurtful,” you chuckled, trying to take a look at what he was cooking, “however true it may be. I keep asking you to show me how to cook a bit better, but each time you tell me it’s too dangerous for me to try.”

His head nodded, “do you remember when you nearly sliced your thumb off?”

“That was an accident,” you tried to argue, “it’s not my fault the onion slipped out of my hand and fell on the floor.”

“Who cuts an onion in the air anyway!?”

Yoongi:

You felt your eyes begin to tear up as you looked down and finally saw the insulin pump you’d been waiting so long for. “How does it feel?” Yoongi asked as he stood by your side, having a look for himself at it.

Your head nodded gently, “it’s a relief to know that I finally have it, it’s certainly going to help make life a little bit easier.”

“That’s what is important,” he agreed, wrapping his arm around you. “And then in a couple of days we can just change the filter to keep it safe, that’s what she said, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, she just said to change it every couple of days and it’ll be fine,” you consolidated, covering the pump back up. “At least I don’t have to worry so much now about sorting my insulin out, it’s done for me now.”

Yoongi’s smile widened, “I’m so relieved that you’ve finally got this with you.”

“Me too, anything that can make my life a little bit easier is a bonus for me,” you acknowledged, taking a hold of his hand.

“I’m just happy to see you smiling with it.”

Hoseok:

He knew what was coming, but it didn’t stop him cringing as he watched the injection take place, covering his eyes with his hands. “How do you do this every single day?” He asked once you were finished.

Your shoulders shrugged, “it’s just been something I’ve done for years, you get used to it after a while, it’s no big deal.”

“A needle goes in you every day,” he reiterated, watching as you stood up like nothing had happened. “If that was me, I’d be terrified, you’re so brave to do that every single day.”

“I don’t have much of a choice,” you reminded him, placing everything back where it was supposed to be, “it’s either inject myself, or end up in a lot of trouble. I reckon if you did it often enough, you’d get used to it too.”

Immediately, his head shook, “I’d never get used to having a needle around me every day.”

“You’d be surprised how normal it becomes,” you smiled. “You’ve seen it done so many times before, does it really still bother you?”

“I just think you’re very brave, that’s all.”

Namjoon:

He was more nervous than you as you sat in the doctor’s waiting room for your annual check-up, unable to keep himself still as he waited for your name to be called. “It never gets easier coming here with you,” he suddenly said.

Your eyes looked across at him, “what do you mean?” You asked. “I thought you would have gotten used to being here by now?”

“It still always manages to make me worry,” he admitted, “I know they’ll probably tell you that you’re fine, but I still can’t help but just fear that something bad might happen.”

“Nothing bad is going to happen,” you quickly assured him, “I’ve been doing everything they told me to do since I was last here, and you’ve been looking after me too, so you know that I’m doing absolutely fine.”

He sighed, knowing you were right. “It still makes me uncomfortable.”

“I hate coming here too,” you told him, “but if it gives me the reassurance that my body is alright, it’s got to be worth the trip.”

“That’s true, I just want to know you’re alright too.”

Jimin:

You groaned as soon as your eyes opened, noticing the bed was empty beside you. You were too tired to get up and search for Jimin, until he appeared a few moments later. “I got your tablets,” he mused, handing them to you.

Reluctantly, you sat yourself up against the back of the bed. “I’ve only just woken up and you’re already giving me my tablets?”

“If you take them now you won’t have to worry for the rest of the day,” he grinned, taking a seat beside you. “It’s peace of mind for me too knowing that you’ve taken them.”

“No one can ever say you’re not caring boyfriend,” you mused, taking the tablets quickly with a large gulp of water. “I would have got them when I got up though, that’s why I always leave the box out to remind me.”

His shoulders shrugged, “I like taking care of you though.”

“I know you do, and I really appreciate it,” you replied, resting into his side. “I’m very lucky to have someone as caring as you.”

“I’ll never stop caring and looking after you.”

Taehyung:

The smell of something cooking greeted you as you walked down the stairs, surprised to see Taehyung serving up two plates of food on the table. “Breakfast is served,” he announced as you walked into the room.

You took a seat, staring in confusion. “Is it our anniversary or something that I’ve forgotten? Or have you done something wrong?”

“No, and no,” Taehyung laughed. “But the doctor said it was important that you eat three meals a day, so I thought I’d make one of those meals easier for you by treating you to breakfast.”

“This is a nice surprise,” you chuckled, quickly beginning to tuck into the meal. “I do always get breakfast at work though, the café there sells these great pastries. I promise you that I’m not missing any meals.”

His head nodded, “a pastry isn’t breakfast, this is breakfast.”

“If this is breakfast,” you smiled, pointing to the plate in front of you. “Is this your way of telling me you’ll make me breakfast ever day?”

“Don’t push your luck, this is a one off.”

Jungkook:

He found his legs moving a little faster as he tried to keep up with you on your walk, grabbing desperately at your hand. “Slow down,” he pleaded, taking you by surprise at the desperation in his tone of voice.

You stopped, allowing him to catch up. “Are you seriously telling me that I’m going too fast for you right now? That’s impossible.”

“It’s too fast for you,” he clarified, “you’re always told to do moderate exercise, that doesn’t mean racing off. It’s a leisurely walk, we don’t want to risk anything happening to you.”

“A light jog isn’t going to do any harm,” you tried to assure him, but Jungkook refused to listen to you. “Alright, we’ll go a little bit slower if it’ll put your mind at ease, but can we still just walk a little bit faster than what we were?”

His head nodded, “I’m only doing this because I worry.”

“It’s cute that you worry so much,” you teased, “but you have to trust in me too. I know what my body is capable of doing.”

“I know, but I just like to be safe, for you.”

---

Masterlist

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awigglycultist · 2 years

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Solve it Squad Says No To Drugs thoughts! I also don't remember this episode too well but I sure to remember that I was insane, also sorry this one took me so long to get too,

Yup we're off to A Start

Esther has the birthdays of all the Dave Matthews band members memorized jfjfjf

"you're as looks TOGHT in those leggings dawg!!"

What made them think it was a good idea to bring Esther to a presentation about being drug free?

"alright kids, who here has ever ponded a beer so fast that their face went numb!?.... Good.. Lest keep it that way."

Boy that kid is terrifying

Wait do you think Scottie would be friends with Paris?

Once again: THIS THEME SONG GOES HARD

I think it's you're fault that you left a kids bday party pregnant girl

Mr Farmer, Esther can literally withstand horse tranquilizer, like they know hardcore drugs

I knew the "Esther are you ready to finally acknowledge the energy that's between us?" line was coming up and I still hate it

Love how Joey, when reacting to the other characters, often instead of looking at us he looks towards where this characters are on the screen relative to him (like he looks up since Keith is above, and diagonal for Gwen, to the side for Esther)

And ofc as always shout out to Joey's facial expressions

Fuck I love Joanna

Most of you won't get this/won't care about this but Keith's "RAID!" immediately made thing of Big Brother s20 Brett's "What wins national championships!? DEFENSE!!" even tho it's like the exact opposite

Keith, Scrags and principal Turner absolutely vibing <3 (nice to see Scrags can have fun sometimes)

Esther is. Trying.

"blah blah bloo! I'm Scrags! I have control issues! I wouldn't be doubting this plan if it came from a man!" "no! No!! Hey! That not fair- I'm never- besides aren't you gender non-conforming so technically it doesn't really-" "Scrags darling I know you're trying to be woke but maybe sit the rest of that thought out"

I love how in SISBIB there's so much Scrags being a Boomer™ but also trying His Best™

The fucking "I can't! It's tech week" shirt

"well its much more competitive and prestigious today" fuck off Gwen was actually in a TV show!

"you will regret that Benjamin Scragtowski"

Keith durning the whole "this little hotshots talking like a BIGBOY!" bit jdjddjd the voice, especially him calling a kid "biiittchhhh"

THAT'S RIGHT ANDREW BARTH FELDMAN IS THE DEFINITIVE EVAN HANSEN!!

"concerned parents.... of kids"

"little of this little of that" immediately made think of Andrew as Axel in TV or Not TV? Broadway Whodunit?

Omg I forgot they mentioned the tiktok Ratatouille musical!

God this musical argument between Keith and Vince jdjddjd (Keith is right)

Brian's voice <3

"yeah good parenting is easy. Heh, I mean take my parents for example they-... Were bad." Keith :( <3 also I love the wya he says this line

"ahhh fuck fuckyy fuckk

Jdkddb Gabe using his hand to make a little rino horn

"GET DOWN! GET THE FUCK DOWN! WE'RE TAKING FIRE!"

"Do you want to fucking DIE!?"

"belive all women Scrags!" "But Esther doesn't identify as-" "LEROOOOOY JEEEEENKINS"

Also Keith definitely should never have a gun

Gwen sorry but that school is not that important rn like you really should've put off that call til later anyway

Keith you dumbass it's metal

Scrags I have feeling they don't really care if you get your insulin or not

But Keith cares about getting Scrags his insulin <3 :)

Ah so humble Gwen

WorkED for a Russian drug cartel, important difference

"did you *kill* people?" "Noo oh no no. Just some graphic design, odd jobs, personal training" "oh thank god" "Of course I killed people you sugar free dumb dumbs!"

"man plans and god laughs. And then woman laughs at man for believing in god"

Esther: bye I'm gonna go die now

Anyway the squad cares about Esther <3 :)

I love that Dimitri and Annika go to therapy

Esther fucks

I forgot just how sexual

So honorable Keith

Naughty Bitches™

Comrade Cock-ubine

Yup. Just about as crazy as I remember. Well, maybe more than I remember actually.

#tin can bros #solve it squad #solve it squad back in biz #sisbib

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blitzturtles · 3 years

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Title: Freezing

Rating: Teen and Up

Fandom: DCU / DC Comics

Pairing(s): JayTim w/ Batfam

Summary: “He’s in DKA.”

“He’s what?”

“Diabetic ketoacidosis. It’s-”

“I know what it is,” Jason says a little too quickly, but he doesn’t understand. Can’t wrap his head around what it means in this particular situation. “He has a pump. You got him a pump.”

Notes: For my 100th fic on Ao3, I thought I'd go back to the beginning. What got me back into writing: DC Comics and the Batfam.

Also, full credit to my wife (@sexyvanillatiger) for not only beta reading this thing, but also helping me with the information on DKA and rewriting several bits of the story to make it work.

For the record, this is an extremely unlikely scenario that most people with an insulin pump won't have to worry about. It has more to do with Tim's particular style of pump originally being one with an external catheter, as well as his being a) underdressed for the weather and b) out for far too long in said weather.

I will say that, though it is unlikely, pump failure due to freezing temperatures has happened, so please be mindful when you're out and about!

It’s three in the morning and freezing, and the last thing Jason expects is to hear Dick’s voice ring through the comm in his ear while he’s midair, between the end of one building and the beginning of the next. He’s busy, very nearly disconnects on the spot given the mood he’s in, but Dick seems to sense the impending end of the conversation.

“Wait!”

“What do you want, Nightwing?” He grinds the name out with far too much disdain. It’s not Dick’s fault that he’s in a bad mood.

“It’s Tim. He’s-”

Truth be told, Jason hears nothing after that. After ‘Tim’. Not Red Robin, not Red, not even Babybird. No, just Tim.

“Shit!” He very nearly goes careening off the side of the next building with the abrupt shift in his momentum and the loss of focus. There’s ice clinging to every other surface, which wouldn’t be a problem if he weren’t distracted. He can hear Dick’s frantic voice on the other end of the comm, but he can’t bring himself to care enough to explain.

“Where is he?” Jason demands once he’s regained his footing and has a moment to school his tone into something near neutral.

“That’s the thing. We don’t know. He-”

“What do you mean, ‘We don’t know’? What the fuc-”

“He missed his last check-in,” Dick finishes, unphased by the interruption.

“How long?” Jason asks, barely noticing how his voice shakes.

“Only twenty minutes, but-”

“But he’s working on a goddamn human trafficking ring, and it’s fucking freezing,” Jason finishes. He doesn’t need Dick to explain to him why twenty minutes is suddenly a big deal and not Tim losing track of time. “What about his tracker?”

“He turned it off after his last contact. We’re not sure why, but Oracle is working on pinning down possible locations based on his last. Look, B’s- Anyway, he doesn’t know I’m getting you involved, but you know that side of Gotham better than any of us,” at least on practical experience. Jason has spent months blending into the crowds in the past, as much as he hated every second of it.

“That’s just great, Dickie,” to hell with codenames. And to hell with his helmet. He tugs it off his head and tosses it at the nearest surface. The damn thing doesn’t so much as crack from the impact, but he can breathe again.

For a moment, he forgets that he has a secondary comm in his ear, which is why he flinches when Dick speaks again, “You also know Babybird better than any of us. I was just- hoping, I guess, that you would have a better idea once Oracle came up with her list.”

“Yeah, yeah, send it my way, will you? And his last location. Whatever files the computer has. I want all of it.”

“Done.”

Jason scoops his helmet off the ground and secures it in place again. No time to waste now. He starts shifting through the information the moment Dick sends it over. There are names that he recognizes. Places that he’s been too. Clubs that he’s spent the wee hours of the morning pretending to get plastered in, while flirting with the sort of men he’d happily put a bullet in any other time (for several of them, he had). But none of it tells him where Tim might be now, or why he thought going AWOL was some brilliant idea.

And here’s the thing, Jason’s in the mood he’s in because of this whole human trafficking bullshit. He knows Tim’s been working on it for the last few weeks, though Jason only found out about it in the last couple of days. Probably because Tim’s smart enough to know that Jason doesn’t want any of them so directly involved in that shit, least of all Tim. But there’s no stopping his-- he still doesn’t know when Tim went from ‘the’ to ‘his’-- Replacement when he gets an idea in his head.

It brings Jason no comfort to know that the temperature outside is frigid. He can feel it sink into his bones, despite the warmth of his suit. Technology can only get them so far without impacting agility, and Tim is a lot like Dick in that he likes to fly through the air, unhindered.

Dick passes Oracle’s findings over a few minutes later, when Jason’s already halfway to Tim’s last location. He’s on his bike. Going on foot would take too long, and they’ve already lost-- fuck-shit, thirty-two minutes now.

He tears through all the clubs in the area. Takes out more kneecaps than he has in months, but it doesn’t get him anywhere. The rooftops don’t help either. The advantage is lost when tracking a fellow Bat. Tim moves with purpose, and he does it without leaving a trace.

At least until Jason stumbles into an alley by sheer luck. One that could be in disarray for any reason, but he catches sight of a Batarang. It’s surface glints off the streetlight behind him. There’s no blood. No fibers stuck to it. It looks like it’s been dropped more than thrown, and he doesn’t know what to make of that, but his stomach is turning painfully.

Something is definitely wrong; he just doesn’t know what.

Dick chirps updates in his ear. Brief lines of information; none of it useful. The rest of them are having as much (or less) luck as he is, though he doesn’t immediately report his findings. It could be something; then again, it could be nothing, and they don’t need to all bunge together just to step on each others’ toes with no chance of finding Tim before someone or something gets to him.

The next three alleys look similar to the first in that they could all but in the state that they are because they’re part of the seedier night scene of Gotham, but something about them rings wrong in Jason’s head. There’s a garbage bag that’s strewn across the asphalt, like someone knocked it over rather than it having been pushed or thrown, and eerie signs of a scuffle that don’t look right either. There’s no blood and no sign of reciprocation. Only the snowy remains of a chaotic waltz littered throughout.

And that’s when he all but stumbles into a body. Curled and small with lips that are too close to blue and a face that’s ashen white.

Jason’s on his knees in an instant, calling Tim’s name-- Red? Robin? Drake, he hisses the last one in barely a whisper, but none of them yield results. Tim stays there, unmoving. His chest barely moves, but the bizarre part is how there doesn’t seem to be any injuries besides a trickle of blood that might be coming from Tim’s temple. His suit is otherwise intact, and who would leave a Bat incapacitated without finishing the job? Around here, not a single bastard.

He’s lifting Tim up before he can think to call for help. He carries him back to his bike and manages to maneuver them both onto the seat. He keeps Tim in front of him, awkward as it is, with one arm hooked around the limp body. The only saving grace in the moment is how goddamn small Tim is.

“Nightwing,” he calls as he starts the bike. “Cave, now.” He severs the connection before Dick has a chance to respond.

By the time he gets to the Cave, his heart is pounding away in his chest. Tim still hasn’t woken up. Still hasn’t so much as shifted in his unconscious state, and Jason is getting frantic. More and more terrified with each passing second, and it’s all he can do to keep one foot in front of the other when he pulls to a stop and gets Tim in his arms once again.

The face that greets him isn’t Dick’s, but Bruce’s, and Jason’s too afraid to give a shit. Too out of his depth. He can stitch wounds and even remove bullets, but he doesn’t know what’s wrong with Tim or how to fix it. He’s completely at Bruce’s mercy, and that would ordinarily piss him off, but, right now? He can feel wetness build in his eyes and his voice shakes as he looks at Bruce with desperation.

“Please,” he begs, knowing that he doesn’t have to, but unable to stop himself anyways.

Bruce doesn’t miss a beat. He’s already reaching for Tim, and it feels like someone pulling the rug from underneath Jason’s feet the moment his arms are empty again. There’s nothing keeping him steady, keeping him moving forward. At least not until Bruce glances back over his shoulder and calls,

“Jason.”

Jason scrambles forward, falling in after Bruce, and he feels all of about twelve years old again, following behind the Bat’s massive silhouette without question.

Alfred meets him in the infirmary, and the two make quick work of stripping Tim out of his suit. It would be impressive, considering the security measures, if Jason were able to take the time to appreciate anything, but he’s too wrapped up in his ever growing anxiety. The more skin that becomes visible, the more alarmed they all become. There’s no bruising, no blood. No explanation.

They start him on fluids for lack of anything else to do, and there is a minor contusion on the side of Tim’s head that indicates that he must have hit it at some point, but it's apparent to Jason-- the way it is to Bruce and Alfred-- that the trauma happened as Tim hit the ground and not as the result of someone getting the better of him.

“Oh,” Alfred breathes, and two pairs of blue eyes snap in his direction. He’s holding a strip of paper-- the results of his blood test-- with a frown etched into his features.

Bruce reaches out, and Alfred passes them over wordlessly. He moves around the infirmary in a flurry, gathering supplies with renewed purpose. For some reason, it only makes Jason’s heart beat that much harder in his chest.

“What is it?”

“He’s in DKA.”

“He’s what?”

“Diabetic ketoacidosis. It’s-”

“He does, and I did,” Bruce agrees with a grunt. It’s clear that he’s just as lost as Jason, but he doesn’t have the chance to say anything else before Alfred is calling him over, leaving Jason to stew on the information and watch from the sidelines because diabetic complications are definitely outside of his scope of practice.

He feels useless. Beyond, even, and he can’t stop looping back to the pump. That’s the whole reason Tim has it. So he can patrol without complications. He remembers the excitement when Tim first got it. All the information he had to absorb as part of being approved in the first place. He’s been stable on the damn thing for months. So why is his blood sugar through the roof?

It feels like hours until Alfred lets them know that Tim’s responding to treatment-- which includes a complicated setup of three different bags of fluids that Jason couldn’t identify for the life of him-- and beginning to improve. Jason doesn’t know how much time has actually passed, but he’s been in his head the whole of it, replaying the same questions and spiralling down the same, horrific scenarios. His cheeks itch with the feeling of dried tears, though he doesn’t know when he started crying (or when he stopped, for that matter).

He sits beside Tim diligently, despite his exhaustion, and holds his smaller hand in both of his own. It’s the only thing keeping him grounded, especially as everyone else comes and goes. Alfred never goes far, though Bruce disappears entirely to do god knows what. Dick hugs him, but he’s smart enough to keep his thoughts to himself. Damian’s about as comforting as he never is, but the worry is apparent in his eyes, even as he insists that Tim’s situation is more of a nuisance than anything else.

Cass stops by before Stephanie. A quiet presence that actually soothes Jason’s nerves, only to be followed by a quiet that sets them alight. Stephanie is rarely so subdued, but she disappears quickly, evidently unable to handle just standing there. She mutters something about finishing the job. It would concern Jason more if he weren’t already certain that none of them were going to be able to fly under Bruce’s radar for a bit.

Speaking of, Bruce announces his return by not-so-gently placing something on the little metal cart by Tim’s bed. It takes Jason a moment to recognize it as Tim’s pump, though it’s been pulled apart and now sits in multiple pieces.

“What-”

“It froze,” Bruce says before Jason can continue.

“What?” Jason repeats.

They can freeze? Is that something they knew? Why the hell hadn’t Tim taken precautions going out into sub-zero temperatures?

“Not the whole pump. This,” Bruce traces the remains of the clear tubing that typically goes from the pump to the injection point that sits under Tim’s skin. The line, itself, usually sits on Tim’s hip. “The catheter. The vial has enough insulin in it that it would have been fine, if not for this and the weather.”

“Why-?” Jason can’t finish the question. Doesn’t know what he means to ask in the first place, but Bruce doesn’t hesitate to answer,

“He didn’t know. Neither did I, for that matter. It never occurred to any of us.”

Oh.

Jesus.

Tim could have died, and not one of them would have realized why until it was too late.

“From what I can find, it’s not typically a concern,” Bruce goes on, though Jason’s only half listening. He supposes that makes sense, though, considering most people aren’t spending hours in the cold. He wonders how long Tim had been struggling. Alone and dazed and stumbling over his feet. That explains the condition of the alley. There really hadn’t been any fights. Just Tim, grabbing at anything and everything.

“If I had to guess,” and Bruce doesn’t look happy with the idea of not knowing, “He turned his tracker off in confusion.” Possibly while trying to call for help, he doesn’t say, and it makes Jason sick to think about.

“That shouldn’t fucking happen,” Jason snaps, less at Bruce and more at the universe.

“I know,” Bruce answers when the universe remains as silent as ever, “Lucius is working on it now. We’ve already discussed the possibility of adding a second, remotely activated tracker.” All of their trackers can be remotely activated, unless they’re turned off. Having a second just means that they would have a backup should anything happen to the original.

“Good,” Jason says, for lack of anything else to say. He finds some comfort in the idea, but it doesn’t exactly make him feel better now. Particularly not when Tim is without a pump entirely, which means they’re back to constant checks and needle drawn injections, both of which he knows Tim hates. Both of which interfere with Tim’s ability to patrol for any extended period of time.

“Tim will be alright,” Bruce tells him in a tone that’s entirely too gentle to be coming out of his mouth, “Alfred says his numbers are looking better.”

“Yeah,” Jason’s mouth feels dry, and he feels his eyes burning. He works his jaw a few times to try to regain control. He doesn’t need to cry a second time, not when everything’s fine now. Tim will wake up in a bit, probably feeling like shit, but he’ll be alive.

“He’s alright,” Bruce reiterates as he crouches in front of Jason and tugs him forward. Jason doesn’t resist, allows himself to be maneuvered until his head is pressed into Bruce’s shoulder.

Neither move for what seems like an eternity, but Jason finally breaks the contact and wipes as subtly as he can at his eyes while looking Tim over. “He’s going to hate using needles again.”

“He should have a new pump before the end of the day tomorrow.”

“Oh,” Jason breathes, “He’ll- thanks.”

It doesn’t fix the current problem with the cold, but there are measures they can take against that. Measures that Tim won’t like, but it will be better for him to have his pump so that he doesn’t have to draw up his insulin, which, from what Jason understands, is less accurate than the pump anyways.

Bruce hums his response before opening his mouth to add, “You should go get washed up. Or changed, at least.”

Says the man still wearing his giant Bat suit, but Jason doesn’t feel like starting an argument for no reason when he’s still on edge. “You gonna stay here?”

“Of course. I’ll be here until you get back.”

“Okay,” thank you.

“Take your time,” you’re welcome.

______

By the time Jason showers, changes into some of the clothes kept in the dresser of his old room, and makes it back down to the Cave, Tim is still out, though there’s finally some color in his cheeks. A nice little dusting of pink that makes him look alive, and his lips are slowly beginning to regain some color, too.

“Alfred just came by,” Bruce says when he sees Jason, “He says that Tim should wake up soon.”

“Good,” Jason says, voicing the most subdued version of what’s going on in his head.

After too long, or maybe too short of a pause, Bruce says, “I need to get to work on a few things. Will you be alright?”

Jason has to brush away his immediate irritation (of course Bruce needs to do shit while another one of his kids is recovering from a near death experience; what else would he be doing?) and remind himself that Bruce has spent the better part of the last forty minutes sitting with Tim. That might as well be a lifetime in Bat years. Jason rarely sees Bruce sit still that long without a computer screen reflecting in his eyes.

“Yeah, fine.”

“Call me if you need me.”

“Will do, B,” he probably wouldn’t, but word would get to Bruce eventually.

______

The first time Tim opens his eyes, Jason’s excitement and relief are crushed almost immediately. Tim’s far from his usual self. He’s more out of it than Jason’s ever seen him, with his head lolling back and eyes flickering. What comes out of his mouth is mostly babbled nonsense in between groans.

Jason calls for Alfred immediately, and he’s just this side of his anxiety getting the better of him when Alfred reassures him that the state that Tim is in is to be expected after what his body went through. Besides, his carbon dioxide levels are still low and his blood sugar hasn’t come down very far yet. It’s going to take time for Tim to fully recover, but it’s a lot for Jason to take in all at once.

“Turn ‘ff the lights,” Tim grumbles, startling Jason from his thoughts.

“What?”

“Fuckin’ lights, turn ‘em off.”

Under any other circumstances, the uncharacteristically grumpy demand would have Jason laughing. Right now, it just makes his chest ache.

Alfred dims the lights before speaking, “He may be a bit grouchy.”

Jason lets out a small snort, “Thanks, Alf.”

Alfred offers him a small smile. Evidently pleased that he’s managed to lighten Jason’s mood, even if only a little bit.

“Stop,” Tim groans, causing the two to turn back toward him.

“Sorry,” Jason mutters at the same time that Alfred says, “Apologies, Master Tim.”

Tim huffs at both of them before seemingly drifting off once more.

______

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll call you next time,” Jason grumbles at Bruce’s retreating back. The man is being even more stoic over not being told about Tim’s wake-up, which, to be fair, hadn’t been that remarkable, beyond the amount of stress that it had caused Jason. Besides, if Bruce weren’t so damned busy with whatever it is he’s doing, he might have known that Tim had woken up briefly.

Bruce says nothing as the door closes behind him, apparently aware that Jason is more irritable than usual and unwilling to get into a fight over it.

Jason huffs and sits back in his seat. Part of him wishes Bruce would start something. He’s getting antsy sitting in the Cave this long. Hell, he’s just tired of sitting, but there’s only so much pacing he can do.

“You should be nice,” Tim croaks from his spot in bed, effectively startling the shit out of Jason in the process.

“That was nice, and fuck you,” Jason answers easily, but his heart is bounding away in his chest.

“For which part?”

“All of it, Replacement,” the part where Tim scared the shit out of him and the part where he has the audacity to comment on Jason’s shitty people skills first upon waking up after nearly dying.

“Ouch, I’m back to the Replacement, huh?”

Jason snorts, “You’re damn right. Only a Replacement would pull something like that.”

Tim winces, “Sorry.”

Oh. That’s not fair. The sad look in Tim’s eyes and the pained expression. That’s just plain cheating. “It’s okay,” Jason sighs, “I’m just glad we found you in time.” He doesn’t mention the part where he had been the one to find Tim. Unresponsive and blue in the face. Looking more dead than alive.

“Who?”

“Dickiebird, obviously.” Blue enough.

Tim huffs a small, would-be laugh. It quickly turns into a cough and a groan. “Feels like I got hit by a train.”

“You kinda look like it, too, but I hear that’s just your face.”

Tim blinks at him, slow and owlish, but the joke seems to register after a moment and he shoots Jason a nasty look. “You can leave whenever you want.”

“You’d like that.”

“I really would.”

“Too bad.”

“What did I ever do to deserve you?”

“Something fucking stellar: me.”

Tim snorts, but his expression sobers after a moment, “I’m sorry. Really. I- I didn’t know what was happening. I still- did my blood sugar drop?”

“No, the opposite actually.”

“Wait, what?” Tim’s frown deepens and his brows come together, “But-”

“The insulin in the outside part of your pump froze.”

Tim’s hand suddenly reaches for where the pump typically sits. A frantic effort in a tangle of IV tubing that comes up empty. “Where-?”

“Bruce took it. He says you’ll have another one by tomorrow, but I think that one’s pretty shot. He took it apart.”

“Oh,” Tim deflates slightly.

“It almost killed you, Tim.”

“I know,” Tim breathes out. “I know, it’s stupid. Just… Sucks, I guess.”

“Yeah,” Jason answers, for lack of anything else to say. He reaches for one of Tim’s hands and squeezes scarred fingers with his own, calloused pads. “No more patrolling when it’s this cold, I guess.”

“I guess,” Tim echoes, a sign that he doesn’t actually want to agree, but knows that Jason’s right.

Jason squeezes his hand again. This time he gets a gentle squeeze back, which is something of a reassurance. “At least not alone,” he offers after a moment of hesitation. He’s not sure he should give Tim that hope, but he wouldn’t mind company every so often, and the human trafficking shit is something Jason works with on the regular. He can always put aside his more… lethal habits for a bit. There’s nothing stopping him from hunting down names in the future and taking care of business when Tim’s not looking. It’s not as if Tim doesn’t already know what Jason gets up to in his spare time.

“You- really?”

“Really. I’ve worked with a team before.”

“Doesn’t mean that you’d want to now,” Tim points out with a frown.

“It’s you,” it’s different. Maybe Jason will learn how to say half the things he means aloud, but he finds he doesn’t usually have to. Not with Tim, the little deductive prodigy that he is.

“Okay,” Tim smiles at him. A weak, shaky thing, but it’s there, and Jason smiles back.

______

Bruce steps into the infirmary with that usual, severe expression on his face that doesn’t give much away. He’s holding a small box with absolutely no markings on it, and he passes it to Tim wordlessly.

“What’s this?” Tim asks with his brows knitted together, but he doesn’t actually expect an answer. Instead, he opens the box up carefully and finds a new pump sitting inside.

“Freezing won’t be an issue,” Bruce explains before Tim can ask about the lack of a visible catheter. “It’s a single unit. No external catheter, and there’s a warming component that automatically runs under certain conditions to keep the insulin at the ideal temperature.”

“Oh,” Tim breathes, eyes widening as he processes the words. “You-”

“Lucius helped,” Bruce answers with a half shrug and eyes that stay focused on the thing in Tim’s hands rather than the wonder in his son’s eyes.

“Thank you.”

The corners of Bruce’s mouth tug upward before he can stop them, “We just want you safe.”

“Still, thank you.”

Bruce is quiet for a moment, before he says, “Anytime, Tim.”

#dc comics #jaytim #jason todd #tim drake #dick grayson #batfam #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #batfamily #dcu #blitzwrites #blitz

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hargrove-mayfields · 3 years

Text

Harringrove April Day 12- Soda

Steve doesn’t ever drink pop.

He had a can of orange crush just once after Tommy found out his mom didn’t let him drink sugary drinks and smuggled him one, and he ended up in the hospital with ketones because he couldn’t control his sugar afterwards so, never again.

Honestly, he doesn’t think he’s missing out on much, carbonation makes his stomach turn and most pop tastes disgusting anyways.

But, diabetes or not, he’s still got a sweet tooth, so every year when the spring festival comes to downtown, the double dose of insulin is worth it for a cherry pop float like you can’t get anywhere else.

He went every year, usually to impress his latest fling, but this time he doesn’t have one, so he brings Dustin and his little brat pack along with him with the promise of buying them each something from the craft show and a ride pass for the Ferris wheel just so he wouldn’t have to be the loser who came to the festival alone for a hint of nostalgia and a potentially lethal dose of sugar. (he hadn’t really stooped that low yet, had he?)

But just because Steve can’t catch a break, Billy decides he wants to come too.

Since he’s not from around here, Steve’s guessing he doesn’t know, but if you weren’t acting as the overwhelmed babysitter, you come to the spring festival to celebrate the season of love.

The very last thing he needs right now is his best friend who he totally doesn’t have a crush on spending the day with him at the damned romance festival.

Especially because once they get to the fair, Billy makes sure to get rid of the kids by opening Steve’s wallet, so there went Steve’s sad sap excuse for being here along with his thirty bucks, and then he was alone with the one person who was going to make this hard.

Everything Billy wants to do is conveniently the things couples were supposed to do together, the games where you were won your girlfriend something nice, the rides you only went on with your sweetie, and it’s driving Steve up the wall.

Between doing everything he’d done with every last one of his girlfriends since he was 12 with his not crush and the fact that he knows that’s not Billy’s true intention, he’s just so done being here.

After the carousel (the carousel!) is when Steve just can’t take it anymore, and he snaps at him, “Can we just get what I came here for already?”

Billy looks surprised by his attitude, his ego knocked down a few pegs and he says simply, “Alright.”

In line, he tells him, “You’re paying. You owe me for that money you gave to the kids.”

“Puh-lease, they were going to get it off of you by the end of the night anyways.” Struggling against the ridiculously tight jeans he’s wearing, Billy fishes his wallet out of his pocket, and forks the money over regardless, “But I’ll buy you your drink anyways, princess.”

“Thank you.” Steve says snootily, pretending like he was better than him when really, just the thought of Billy Hargrove buying him a drink was making his heart do flips.

Steve decides he’s had enough of this stupid festival for one night, so they take the floats back to their cars, sitting out in the parking lot on the hood of the Camaro.

The second Steve takes a sip of that sugary concoction he gets a headache, but it was so worth it. Usually he stuck to all the rules, and if he could only get his sugar high once a year when the fair came to town, then so be it.

Except, because it had been a whole year, there was one unfortunate side effect to drinking pop he always forgot about: hiccups.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, he just had to start with the hiccuping, over and over again until his stomach hurt and he was ready to tear his hair out.

And of course Billy is staring at him too, a smirk playing at his lips, stained red from the soda pop, but then instead of poking fun, he kisses him out of nowhere. Like it’s nothing at all, he just leans over and presses his lips to his all sweetly.

He pulls away all too soon for Steve’s liking, and asks after a few seconds, teasing smile on his face, “So? Are they gone?”

Steve furrows his eyebrows, confused, until he realizes Billy meant his hiccups, and that meant he’d only kissed him to try to shock him. In an instant his heart feels like it’s been ripped from his chest, knowing that it wasn’t genuine when that was all he could want.

“I-I think so.” He agrees, though in his heartbreak he feels the need to clear things up, “But was that real or was it just because of the hiccups?”

“Not unless you want it to be.”

“I do.” Billy raises an eyebrow, his lips pressed into a flat line, and Steve flushes, realizing his mistake, “No wait, I do want you to have meant it, don't want it to be fake.”

Now it’s Billy’s turn to be upset with Steve, as he crosses his arms and says, frustrated, “Well now I’m the one that’s confused. Should I have done that or not?”

But Steve is tired of talking in circles, so instead of saying anything else and burying himself deeper, he’s the one grabbing Billy by the lapels of his shirt and kissing him hard.

This time, he gets a taste of Billy, cherry soda and nicotine and everything he ever wanted on his tongue.

Billy pulls away first for a breath, wide smile on his face as he prompts, “I’ll take that as a yes?”

Steve shoves him, “Oh shut up.” and lets him kiss him again, soft and sugary sweet.

#harringrove #harringroveapril #billy hargrove #steve harrington #billy x steve #diabetic! steve #<- that is a tag y’all will be seeing a whole lot of #my fav Steve hc ever is that he’s diabetic #if I could work it into every one of my fics I would #this is so late but I got super busy today super sorry #also ps if you sent me an ask I promise I’m working on responding!

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