#as an audhd person who sees the good in people and wants to help even when it’s probably a scam or whatever…

[stormcloudsandshadows]

Having so many thoughts about papyrus and how the fandom at large doesn’t get him. If you even care

[candyforthecorvids]

This post is just like those "How to Study like a Harvard Student!" Things but for ND people with executive dysfunction who can't even START studying.

Listen to Music, seriously it works so well. If you speak multiple languages, listen to music in the one you ARE NOT using. Listening to music w/o words is good for things like essays and reading, but with things like math, I 100% recommend listening to anything you really like. I can leave song reccs for no word songs if anyone wants them.

Put on a movie, TV show, or video you've already seen a million times. It works the same as the music, but you're more likely to be distracted. It's important that you've already seen it. Otherwise, you'll just end up watching TV.

Buy stationary that you LIKE and ENJOY USING. If you see pens that you REALLY LIKE but the other pens are cheaper, get the ones you actually like. You will use them more. You will *enjoy* using them.

Not so much related to executive dysfunction, but I HIGHLY recommend getting folders for your classes. Even if it's only for a few, if you pull it out at the beginning, you'll have all your stuff inside and a place where you can put your papers instead of just shoving it into your bag.

Let yourself stim out loud while you do homework. Seriously, it can help you remember things and help you stay focused.

Eat your favourite snacks or drink something you enjoy drinking. It makes doing things so much more bearable, plus free dopamine.

(Edit: I reblogged some of people's additional thoughts)

I can't really think of anything else, but feel free to add stuff in the comments.

Disclaimer for the masses, I am not a doctor. These are from my own personal experience as someone w audhd. :)

[beanghostprincess]

the monster trio are various flavors of audhd (all strawhats are neurodivergent, but they the most)

luffy is high empathy, stimming, bluntness and audioprocessing disorder

zoro is hyperfocus, sleepy, good at maths and flat affect

sanji is infodumping, special interest (cooking), rigid rules (don't hurt women, don't use hands, etc) and difficulty with regulating emotions

Agree completely 🫶🏻 There is not a single neurotypical person in this crew !! That's why they love each other so much, they just get each other. In general, I think that the whole "misfits finding a found family" trope is incredibly neurodivergent coded but I think that specifically with the strawhats there is like, a fundamental obvious understanding that none of them are neurotypical. Like there is no way. I know it's meant to be very general for people who don't fit in to relate, but keeping in mind that most of the time the reason people don't fit in is because of living in a normative, neurotypical society... Idk. I just feel like the strawhats were all meant to be for neurodivergent people.

This being said !!!

AAAAAAAAAA I love the monster trio being neurodivergent. Mainly because I know it'd bother sooo many dudebros. And also because it makes so much sense and it's very very very real to me.

Luffy can't stop moving or doing stuff because it is painfully boring to be doing nothing, so he's always finding new things to do because short attention span and hyperactivity in a crew where everybody has their own stuff to do?? Not a good combo. So he's always seeing what he can do to not get bored. I think he's always touching Zoro's earrings absentmindedly like-- It's not even on purpose. He just does it. Also, being made of rubber has to be the best thing for stimming with your own body ngl. He's sooo direct and honest and blunt because he genuinely doesn't get why people don't think the same as him, but he doesn't have to get it to be emotionally attached and help you out because he makes other people's emotions his. Also add info-dumping right there because I know this guy is the biggest nerd about beetles and will talk to anybody who asks about them. They might be talking about something that has nothing in common with them and he brings them up anyway. Also! I adore the APD headcanon??? You're so right and it fits him SO well.

Zoro is my absolute beloved here because he has so much depth and feels and knows so much but people always characterize him as stoic and emotionless and like,, He just has a hard time showing it visually but he feels stuff deeply. He's always training and it almost feels like the world around him vanishes and he's always sooo eepy. Eepy boy. I get it. I think he almost finds it frustrating tbh like- We never talk about that but I think it's a bit bothersome for him sometimes? Also he's my favorite math genius and he might be shitty at directions but damn he's good at this. Also he likes things to be perfectly placed and everything to be in patterns of 3, thank you.

Sanji is the realest for me-- Don't ask him about the All Blue (please do) because he will start talking like crazy for hours and hours and hours with the brightest of smiles. If somebody wants to know about his cooking like, actually know what he's doing, he won't shut up. Somebody mentions any animal or vegetable or fruit and the guy is already telling you all the ways it can be cooked. He has a lil voice in his head telling him constantly what he should and shouldn't do btw and I also hc that he has to have everything in the right place or else he loses his mind completely. And that's tied to not being able to regulate emotions properly-- So he's constantly extremely anxious or feeling waves of sadness or just, extreme emotions in general.

[lavenoon]

Kindled Spirits AU

Soulmate AU revamped with a Y/N <3

Basics: Soulmate bonds are 1) not necessarily romantic, 2) not a given and not always between just 2 people, 3) not necessarily reciprocal (rare, but happens) Basically soulmates are bonded via dreams - meeting within dreams, or dreaming of each other’s memories, anything in dreams is fair game Plays a year after the pizzaplex fire and given that I had the idea a good while ago none of the dlc is included in the premise, also bc this is based on an old self insert fic Y/N is extremely audhd because that I refuse to take out

Y/N has spent most of their life assuming they don’t have a soulmate, which is a relief because they’re plagued by nightmares/ stress dreams a lot. They got used to those, and when some other hazy dreams crop up later in life they don’t think much of it.

Then one night they dream of burning. An indoor playground, they stand in the middle of it, filled with hopelessness and self hatred they cant explain (the irony of Sun burning to death). They don’t feel alone though, and though they can’t see anyone else, they know someone else is there. It's both a comfort as well as agonizing, and the care for that other person is evident, despite the whole emotional cocktail. They go through the entire dream incapable of changing anything, and then wake up still feeling hot but also cold and clammy, phantom flames still licking at their skin. All while they cope with the idea that maybe they did have a soulmate, and that is now past tense.

For an entire year they go around thinking they witnessed their soulmate(s?) burning to death via dream, not telling anyone about it but carrying that guilt.

They move, and find a new job - the Pizzaplex is hiring! No one wants to be a security guard anymore after all that weird shit a year ago, so even though Y/N lacks the qualifications, they get hired. Rotating shifts, day (morning/ afternoon) and night. The first time they walk past the daycare, it flashes into flame - but no, that’s just coincidence. It’s the first indoor playground they’ve seen since then, it’s hazy dream memories worsened by guilt, it’s not the same.

Y/N befriends the daycare attendant, and the naptime attendant - they talk to Sun sometimes through the slide, and Moon usually bothers them on their security rounds. They do meet Sun first, after trying to be helpful throwing down some stray ballpit balls down the slide, and a curious Sun crawls up just to get a ball to the face. Y/N feels very bad about that, and given their lack of scripts for how to interact with animatronics, they just fall back on the scripts they already have. Sun doesn't seem to mind, so it's all good! Then one night they shout a belated "Good night!" down the slide, after the lights in the daycare have turned off, and barely avoid falling when suddenly Moon stands behind them, asking them just what they're doing. He makes his dislike of their flashlight promptly known, and then they have a menace of a shadow for their rounds.

That goes on for a couple weeks, until Sun asks them inside of the daycare to address a few concerns they could please relay to management?

And then the perspective is just undeniable. Y/N gets caught in the flashback, seeing it all burn again, and Sun startles them out of it. They don’t tell him. They can’t. But they realize that he’s been forced to work in a direct replica of the place where he burned to (temporary) death.

After that they keep trying to broach the topic of soulmates in general, but Sun and Moon are very much convinced that as animatronics they are not people, and they can’t dream anyway, so how would they have a soulmate? So silly!

Dreams and personhood are very connected in this AU - with dreams linking souls society just assumes that anyone without dreams is not a person. (Is this a societal issue for other humans who don't dream? Sure! People are people and will exclude others for any reason!)

Meanwhile Y/N starts having more dreams - they assume because now they live closer, actually met their soulmates, there’s less of a barrier to only have the super traumatic stuff make it into their dreams. In fact, they are kind of relieved that their usual nightmares are exchanged for extremely mundane “watching kids play in the daycare” or watching themself being bothered by Moon from his POV.

It’s a struggle trying to convince their soulmates that they are in fact people, while wondering if the bond is reciprocated because how would they tell? Sun and Moon can’t dream, there’s no confirmation that Y/N is their soulmate too! Lots of fear of rejection that’s holding them back here

But also some shenanigans at this time, like Y/N knowing that Moon follows them on their routes, and calling him out on it when he tries to stay hidden. He asks how they knew, and they bluntly reply “it came to me in a dream”. Moon laughs, then asks for the truth that they don’t know how to give after he rejects it so easily. They end up deflecting and he goes back to being a menace.

Also Y/N being somewhat anxious once they realize that Sun uses "friend" for many people (whenever they do see him interact with adults, which isn't often) and awkwardly ask for confirmation because oh no what if he's just being polite and they read too much into it? They almost regret it when he proves that Moon isn't the only menace and makes sure they know he considers them their friend after! Moon continues being a cat in his affections, so when Y/N asks him the same he ends up positively surprised, somewhat guilty (due to the secrets he keeps, and the danger he still believes he poses), but mostly ramps up the friendly annoying to the max

And then Y/N ends up impulsively telling Moon. He wants them to be joking - asks them to, even, to take it all back. When they refuse he reacts more in anger and accuses them of deluding themself, suggesting they need medical attention. They get angry then, too, because is he really telling them to go to a doctor after they confess something like this? It ends badly, with Y/N fleeing the scene and then avoiding both Moon and Sun for a good while.

Until Sun requests their presence about a “security issue” in the closed daycare, and Y/N goes even knowing he’ll want to talk. He’s concerned more than angry, but disbelieving all the same. Y/N’s patience is running thin when Sun, desperately, asks them just what they were dreaming about to be so convinced - what made them think they're linked to an animatronic like that? - so they tell him about the fire. They also tell him that they were telling the truth that one time with Moon. Sun (and Moon) get their own flashback, and Y/N ends up frantic, apologizing for bringing it up like that, while the boys are just terrified that

1) Y/N had to see that, experience it via dream

and 2) just what else could they have seen?

Moon in particular is terrified - he approaches them a bit later, asking about other dreams they might’ve had. Even says “they would have been nightmares”. He assumes that Y/N must have witnessed the virus induced murders and has no idea how to assure them that he’s not that, after he reacted in so much anger at their initial confession. His concern doesn’t really lessen, and more shifts upon being told that “I wouldn’t know, all my dreams are nightmares anyway”.

Mostly themed around growing closer after that, and working around “we don’t need to dream of you to know we like you, and we do!” as well as uncovering the past trauma Sun and Moon have gone through (and are going through, still trapped in the same building in a replica of where they burned).

Also Sun and Moon struggling to accept their personhood because if they’re people, then they are traumatized and were (and are being) mistreated for a long time, and that’s also hard to come to terms with. Some thoughts towards animatronic emancipation though I never got that far in the fic, so mostly comfort and slice of life as they work around the little bump in the road of their soulmate bond. Y/N opening up about their own dreams, and why it's so difficult to say they had any nightmares based on Sun and Moon's experience before the literal death experience not just breaking the ice but rather melting it at record speed

Would remain platonic/ ambiguous because it was very important to me that soulmates aren't necessarily romantic, and they all have bigger fish to fry than whether or not they'd like to go on dates - given that that's hardly an option while Sun and Moon cannot leave the Plex. The reassurance and relationship beyond the bond actually is the most important part, with Y/N admitting to both Sun and Moon and also themself that they enjoy having them as soulmates, of course! But they'd be friends with or without those dreams, given that Y/N initially approached them both before they even realized. Which is also a relief, because Sun and Moon do feel bad over not being able to confirm that it's reciprocated - they feel like it is, they want it to be (and isn't that the most important part?)! But they don't know. And that's okay - because they found each other, dreams or not, and they won't lose that <3

This is as much as I have right now, and as much as it'll stay for the time being! Enjoy <3

[selfcare-with-senshi]

ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ Welcome!

This is a blog meant to help younglings (and elders) who struggle with proper selfcare. A well maintained body, mind and environment are crucial to a good life, and I'll be happy to help!

This is not a fandom blog! But I will occasionally share positive Dunmeshi things too :)

Senshi ✧ he/him ✧ 21+ ✧ diagnosed w. AuDHD and PTSD

One of the greatest things in life is that you can start over whenever you want. Right now, you can choose to make the change you need. To be the change. In this very moment, you can choose recovery. Today could be the first day of the rest of your life. Even if nobody came to save you in the past, or nobody taught you what you need to know, you can learn to be there for yourself now - and you're stronger and more capable than you may feel.

Your experiences weren't for nothing. They shaped you into who you are. And once you can learn to get along with the person you are, you've won at life.

I steer away from discourse, fandom drama and the like. I don't engage in callout or cancel culture. I don't have a DNI, but I block people when I notice they support any hateful ideology (for example homophobia, transphobia, racism, bullying, callout culture, anti-recovery, etc...) Please keep in mind that I'm not a professional, but I'm some guy out there who cares and wants to see you succeed.

Look after yourself! 🍞

divider by @/saradika-graphics. last updated - 28th of July 2024.

Do you have a problem, a request, or are you looking for something? Please read below! 🙌

I'm happy to answer ♥ Life Questions (for example, how to unfuck a depression bedroom, how to cook eggs, how to make a vet appointment...) ♥ Questions about Autism, ADHD, PTSD, and mental health (with the help of therapy resources or my own experiences) ♥ Venting (please with warning beforehand, a quick "CW vent" is enough!) ♥ Personal Questions ♥ Dunmeshi related things

But please keep in mind

♥ Please keep it sfw ♥ What I post and answer is my opinion, my experience, and doesn't have to work 100% the same for you! ♥ I have my own life outside of this blog and it might take me a while to respond. ♥ I can't answer every question. ♥ I reserve my right to refuse answering things and sharing information I'm not comfortable with.

Taglist

#senshis recipe book -> posts related to a healthy diet, properly handling/cooking/storing food, and overcoming eating disorders. Potentially triggering if you struggle with EDs, please be careful! #selfcare with senshi -> posts and reminders related to the 5 fundaments of selfcare - eating, drinking, sleeping, resting and exercise. #senshis first aid kit -> therapy resources, tools and reminders related to mental health and coping with the monsters of daily life.

#senshis adventurers bible -> posts related to survival, in summary. How to make phone calls, how to make appointments, how to tie knots...

#senshis infodump -> posts that don't fit into any of the categories. #the advice box -> answered asks #senshi speaks -> personal posts #lower levels -> venting catch-all tag

If you need something tagged, please feel free to shoot me a message or an ask (`･ω･´)ゞ

[neurodivergentbraingoblins]

Story time about how being "inclusive" is often used as pretty jewlery to make workplaces seem less shitty than they are.

So I used to work for a place that did workers compensation claims. I was a data entry worker - essentially my job was to processes all incoming and outgoing documents and make sure they digitally got attached to the correct claim so other people could do their job.

I had been working at this place for about 6 months, and we had a MASSIVE turnover in people. Like over half my team/coworkers quit. Well, I just happened to be really, really good at data entry work. My pattern recognition skills and OCD compulsions were a perfect fit for this job. Even management constantly would say how impressed they were with the amount of work I could get done.

Here's the problem - the 2 other people who didn't quit during the turnover were my superiors. They had problems with the way I communicate (AuDHD). So instead of dealing with it, they openly harassed me in group chats. Our boss would see the chats and then call them out on it and tell them to stop.

Fast forward a few months later. Shit is getting crazy for our company as we were expanding. I'm getting harassed constantly by all my "teammates" and from higher ups. I go to HR about the concern and they decide to have me just directly report to our boss. But the problem wasn't solved. I still had to work with and ask questions to the team who obviously hated me. Simply because I communicate and work differently than I do. I was always willing to help them get caught up on work, but never the other way around.

So I've been at this place for about a year now and I'm testing a brand new method of cataloging data to the correct files. (Example- adding medical records for a specific person to their specific digital file so the adjuster assigned to the claim can review it). Turns out something broke with the process and over 700 files were lost.

So I get pulled into a very sudden meeting with me, the 2 teammembers who were my superiors and my boss. They are freaking out trying to figure out how to fix this. When I could finally get a chance to speak I told them I had backups of most of the files. They all went silent and just stared at me.

I explained that the way the process worked gave me anxiety because of this very potential issue. Once the files were uploaded to the claims, they were deleted from the storage location. Gone permanently. I didnt want to be the one responsible for losing important documents if something when wrong, so as a precaution (and a newly developed OCD compulsion) I would save most files to a different folder as a backup (usually just the files I had to convert from one format (ex: word doc) to a PDF).

Turns out I ended up saving the company thousands of dollars and thousands of work hours. My boss literally said to my face "your OCD saved the day! You're a hero!". The very next day everyone was back to being upset at me for how I did my job 😅

Well, over the course of my year there, management put together a COMPANY WIDE MANDATORY meeting about inclusivity and anti-discrimination. Of course I attended and I was having to hold back tears and laughter as everyone made all these promises to not judge people and to be open to "other working styles". The meeting was a 5 hour long meeting with different games and activities. You could tell the company execs were so proud of themselves for the meeting.

The very next day I received the perfect example of what NOT to do from my own boss who helped lead the company meeting! Essentially she heard a rumor that I was setting up meetings with other departments to work on things that hadn't been approved through the proper channels. She pulled me into a virtual meeting and, I kid you not, lectured me for 5 minutes straight about how that wasn't allowed. When I finally got a chance to speak I calmly told her I'd never done anything like that before. I admitted that occasionally I would ask someone else questions in a random email here or there when it related to what we were talking about. But I had never done any of the things she just accused me of and lectured me about. She was "assuming the worst and the negative instead of something positive" which was one of the core values we had spent almost an hour on at the meeting the day before.

I immediately went to HR crying. What was the point of that ridiculous mandatory meeting if the company superiors were still going to discriminate against me??? Well after a year of putting in hard work for them, fighting against all the harassment they threw at me, and doing my best to advocate for myself I ended up quiting. It was an amazing paying full time (40hr) job that fit my skills perfectly. But I had to quit because I couldn't stand listening to them say "we love your OCD and it really helps the company, but you need to stop doing things that way. It is really annoying and takes too long. Plus your coworkers don't like it. But keep giving us those same results! You really are our best worker!"

My OCD was turned into a joke. Something that was only okay when it benefitted them, but a disgusting trait to hide away when it didn't.

Tldr: I gave a year of my life to a company that outwardly toted being "inclusive" while simultaneously being harassed for my OCD and AuDHD symptoms. All while being told my "OCD saves the company money but like, can you please stop doing things that way? Thanks!"

[punkeropercyjackson]

Minus the 'Hero of the Great Prophecy' copout,Luke Castellan is such a well-written villain because he's so real.Not sympathic but that he's so awful in the way so many real cishet white men in power are and historically have been always been.Luke is a fascist.He's a misogynist.He's a racist.He's even a serial pedophile

Luke started grooming Silena before the series even started by taking advantege of her crush on him by flirting with her because girls that age don't know any better,oh he's different,we're different.He had the effect on Annabeth too but much stronger due to being her older brother figure and pseudo-dad,raising her since she was 7 and confessed to her at 16,on his deathbed,due to wanting to haunt and have power over her ONE last time.He wanted her to know what he'd thinking the whole time he was pretending to see her platonically.Thalia was 2 years younger than him pre-tree and he still liked her at 15 to his 20s.I'd go as far as to do a Lolita comparison,with Thalia's death giving him that little girl fixation to 'replace' her and let's not forget that while Kelli's age isn't stated,she passed as Percy's classmate when Percy was 14 and wasn't even technically a high schooler and there's no mention of no Mist Kelli showing her as older.It's implied he straight up SLEPT with her and maybe even did it multiple times judging by how long she was in the Titan's Army.She was also the only black girl member and that's absolutely relevant

And he was way closer to the Stolls than he was Chris but targeted him,the mestizo boy,even though Travis and Connor would've been easier to get to join him.The first camper he killed was Beckendorf and he gaslight Silena into thinking he wouldn't only for Beckendorf to be have been only a tool to him.He had zero respect for Ethan,the japanese/wasian boy,and unless you count Alabaster from the side books,the named Titan's Army's male members were all boys of color.The named girls were the lil white girl he hit on to fuck it up for everyone and the ambigiously aged but young looking black girl he made his bedmate because he saw her as a sexual being unlike her.Everybody likes saying he was so obsessed with Percy because he was in love with Percy and use it as ship fuel but the real concrete subtext is that he only saw Percy as an equal because they were both intended as white men.This is really the only logical explanation as really,the guy you knew for not even three months over your years long companions??????Who just so 'happen' to be girls.Luke was NOT slick!!

The Titan's Army is a military by definition.It's an army,the members are soldiers,they were created for the The Second Titan War.A war Luke started over personal trauma for vengeance and openly stated he dosen't care if he hurts anyone(see his Good Kid Reprise)for his own goals and functions on a cryptofash ideal('destroying society to built it from the ground up' and see his Good Reprise again but the last three lyrics specifically).Luke believes himself superior to everyone because he 'sees the truth' but perpetuates the cycle of abuse with it and does nothing to fix society,help the people he's the 'Champion' for or even to depower the high authority.He kisses up to an EVEN HIGHER and also WORSE authority to get power for HIMSELF!He wants to be a gods stand-in,not their opposite and that's why he treated everyone like shit.His speeches?That was propaganda on his part,not radicalization.'Western civilization is a disase'says the cishet physically abled blue eyed blonde white man who's constantly described as traditionally attractive after he groomed a HUGE chunk of troubled kids i.e minority kids who get abused for it no matter how hard they try to be good,because THAT'S what Percy meant when he said he was a troubled kid in The Lightning Thief-it's an insult and he was reclaiming it as a lower class audhd survivor of multiple kinds of abuse.He truly believed he was 'not like other half-bloods' and that everything he did was a means to an end when he meant to end it all for everyone,not be a saviour

As a biracial afrolatina who has multiple neurodivergent disorders including autism and with bpd and ptsd,is transgender and gendernonforming and was raised by the VERY white side of his family,i'm genuinely impressed with how good of commentary Luke works as on white supremacy and accompanying bigotries-Yes,misogyny like i said but also ableism/eugenics with his hurtful words directed at Tyson who's implied to have Down Syndrome and if memory serves i'm pretty he took a dig at Grover's crutches and possibly even Hephaestus' own physical disability and i'm not exactly sure if i'd say that includes queerphobia on his part but he is a VIOLENTLY cisheterosexual character in his actions so the subtext is pretty obviously there.As discussed by tons of other lgbt Pjo bloggers,Silena and Clarisse are an Achilles and Patroclus parallel and Thalia fits the bill for MANY transfem and alt lesbians norms and a more niche reading is Percy as an accidental transfem narrative that actually holds a lot of water with the most blatant one being her proving to Zoe she's not a normal man at all,which is a constant trait of hers but it was made it a plot point in The Titan's Curse and Annabeth as a comphet butch lesbian thanks to how gay her and Clarisse,Piper and Reyna interact with eachother and while i don't ship Percabeth,transfem Percy and lesbian Annabeth are complimentary in evidence for obvious reasons(even if YOU don't ship Percabeth either!)

Luke Castellan is real.Luke CastellanS are real.The word for them is 'colonizers'.I love how he's written and potrays the ugly truth of whiteness as an intentionally perpetuated structure,not 'the natural order',and i hate how Rick in his own cishet physically abled white maleness couldn't stop being a pussy and let Percy be the anarchist revolutionary to his full potential he deserved to be.Not surprised considering this is the same who disrespects greek culture so hard and has from the start in addition to the very long list of everything else but i'm allowed to still be dissapointed and wish Pjo had been thought up by an autistic black person since that's what Percy is realistically supposed to be so write what you know principal would've helped big time.Luke Castellan is sympathic and relatable if he's the only kind of person you think deserves sympathy and chances but not anyone else out of your own sheltered experiences

[rorah]

Hi there!!! I love your artwork, it’s gorgeous!! It makes me so happy when I see your name on my feed!! The way you portray Byleth and Dimitri is beautiful.☺️

I saw your recent post about reading about autism, I hope it’s not intrusive or rude to ask, but may I ask which book you read about autism? I was curious about autism in myself and wanted to learn about it more but didn’t really know where to start.

Thank you & have a lovely week!!!

( ˘ ᵕ˘(˘ᵕ ˘ ) hug hug hug

/⌒つ⊂⌒\

Hello lovely anon 🫶✨ Your words make my soul so happy and put a big smile on my face it could hurt🥺 (but it's worth it becase it fuels me to keep doing things 🥰)

For autism, the book is part of a collection with a focus on neuroscience and psychology. And it's just one book focused on autism from the entire collection. In my opinion, it's too little for what the topic could cover from a biological perspective, but the book itself is simply an introduction to understanding autism in these biological aspects, as well as a general guideline of how its study has developed over the years, and other concerns that have been constant over the years (such as treatments and causes. Spoilers: There's no cure and research indicate that it is a mostly genetic condition, but there are still doubts about other possible causes).

Anyway, it's a collection in Spanish from 2019.

Personally, I think there is more information in English and much more up-to-date, since research on the subject continues. Unfortunately, I don't have any book recommendation in English that I can guarantee a broad and digestible understanding of the spectrum (bc I haven't personally read it lol). But I can recommend channels on YouTube (:'D), that recommend books (:'DD) about autism. And I can trust the information that these people spread; they are all adults who were diagnosed in their adult life.

The first one Mom on the spectrum (her whole channel is good too for approaching to approach to experiences and terms, and one of the only ones talking about the nerve system in Autism *still not full info tho*)

Katey One More Time (Ngl, I just found out this channel looking for books, but she tackles good point on what you'll find in each book, where to start and what to look for depending on your interest in the topic)

To start, I think those two videos about books is more than enough, but i'd like to recommend other channels that brings good info to the table, so you'll be able to choose the one that is more pleasant (or you connect the most) to you.

Yo Samdy Sam (AuDHD woman)

Autism from the inside (Previously Asperger man)

Orion Kelly-That autistic guy (purely Autistic Man)

Chris and Debby (AuDHD Man, my personal fav bc is funny)

Morgan Foley (AuDHD Young woman whose shorts are made to be relatable, and fun) And there's plenty more, but these are the ones that had helped me to navigate, understand, and relate in a personal level. I would also recommend the perspective from a professional (psychiatric/psychologist) But sadly, the ones I like don't specialize in Autism and therefore their knowledge may lack more updating. If it is a specialist in the spectrum, it will be much easier because they'd be focused on that area, but I only know one and it is in Spanish (Ernesto Reaño), perhaps you can activate the subtitles as a tool, but it is better to find one that seems pleasant to you. You can also read articles on internet. If you suspect you might be Autistic, start with that first book. Relating to a lot of Autistic people is also an indication, but you also be careful because we're all different and won't relate 100% to one another. Identify similarities between other conditions than can pass as Autism experience is also part of the thing. There are even test online that can help you look deeper if you score high in there. Anyway, hope, is not too much and helps you in your curiosity 😅 Have a lovely week yourself (and everybody else)🫰💗✨

[ourloveiselectrifying]

Good job on getting a demo out! I just spent the past three hours just setting up pronouns in my game, and I feel like I might pass out. Any advice on how to not perish while making a game?

Thanks!!! :3

Yeah omg setting up pronouns are a pain qwq great work to you!! ^^

I was like kinda hyperfixated on OLiE when I made the demo, people who knew me in person would say I was a workaholic LMAO, no I'm just AuDHD. So I don't know if any of this would help but-

My 'tism likes schedules, setting up a routine before I get to work really helped with me, I wake up in the AM, have breakfast, shower, light some insense, get a cup of coffee/tea or an energy drink, take my meds, then put on my favorite music before I start working on my game.

Seperating and organising everything and working on and trying to finish one thing at a time was helpful for me. I split up the story into even smaller parts and worked on them one by one. Like for me the story is what I worked on first. Then once my draft was done, I worked on the sketches for each cg/background. After that I went back to my story and cleared things up and made changes to better fit the sketches.

I have problems with procrasinating. I usually can't decide what I want to start on. The best thing to do for me is make a list of small things like fixing bugs, then big things like finalising backgrounds. I don't delete the list, I check it all off, seeing my progress really helps motivate me.

I struggle with doing the same thing everyday, so writing or drawing each day doesn't always work for me, but as long as I work on one thing for atleast a day thats good enough! Also taking breaks from just writing/art, and doing some coding/screens/gui is really good for me, there is always something to fix/improve.

If I'm stuck on something, I'll finish it and go back to it once my skills have improved, theres a lot art and code that is okay/just functional but can be better, but I need to move on to other things or I'll be working on it forever.

This is all probably pretty obvious stuff but I hope it helps anyway, and good luck to you!! ^^

[thatadhdmood]

How much research do you consider necessary for someone to self diagnose. Me personally, I have put in around 30 hours reading articles, talking tests, watching videos on people with adhd (less so autism but seeing more audhd things make more sense then just adhd) and I just want to know if it's enough. Like, it is going to be impossible for me to get a diagnoses for at least 4 years, more likely 8 because money.

I dont think that there should be a certain number of hours you need to hit. If you know yourself and have done the enough research you feel certain and have asked other for their opinion, asking any autistic friends if your lucky enough to have their opinions is good, asking friends and family who may have known you when you where younger. Life is an ever going mission of seeking knowledge. I think that even if you arent autistic that if interacting with the autistic community, using the resources and coping mechanisms, makes you feel less isolated in your experiences as a person and helps ease your social issues or functioning or sensory issues in life then do it! And if it isnt autism and is some other underlying issue but the coping mechanism help, then thats great. And if it leads to you trying to get a diagnosis then the doctor will set you right, and theres no harm about it. It lead you to seeking help in the end and until you could it helped you connect with a community that could help you until then. I like helping people even if they arent "actually" autistic or "actually" adhd and might be confused, well they have a reason of discomfort and feeling of something off to lead them to me and if they can be helped. Oh wait fuck. I had a bowl and im stoned im sorry i shouldnt be answering my asks stoned ive gone all rambly. Lmao Im fine but Ive gone very off topic. But like. You get what i mean right. PRO SELF DIAGNOSIS

THIS TUMBLR IS PRO SELF DIAGNOSIS

[thecandyclusteragain]

Contains Barbie Movie spoilers

The Barbie Movie is honestly so weak as a "feminist" text (I won't try to rehash what other people have said about it, if you want to learn more about it I recommend the videos essays The Plastic Feminism of Barbie by VerilyBitchie and The White Feminism of Barbie by Jessie Gender on YouTube) but it is honestly perfect for people with weird gender kinks.

Like- Feminisation, masculinization, bimbofication, objectification, patriarchy/misogyny, femdom- that's all basically textual, but with that foundation there's even more you can play with! Different varieties of gender and queer sexuality kinks that explore the taboo of those things in a world that has a rigid society and binary- like ours -but with much lower stakes. Could easily see tf, forced tf, or sissification in this setting as well. I completely forgot for a second that cucking could be seen as textual as well? (If any of my connections seem unclear to you as a reader, please do ask about them because I'm high and I have AuDHD and my connections aren't always obvious to others)

What a beautiful plastic play place to explore gender and sexuality and social rules in!

Outside of my fantasies, I can get really anxious and paranoid about playing with other people when it comes to some of these kinks because they are quite reactionary. A particular part of my upbringing had a specific religious tone that has been really difficult to shake and I unfortunately internalized a lot of those messages that were really anti-kink- kind of your typical "kink-critical" "how do you know the person who says they're pretending to want to rape you doesn't actually want to rape people? How do you know they're not an actual rapist? What's the difference between the person you're doing impact play with and a domestic abuser?" I'm sure my experience is unfortunately not that uncommon and a lot of kinky people have had to deal and are still dealing with this. So when I have fantasies about non-consensual encounters, particularly of misogynistic and queerphobic varieties, I can get really panicked about whether the people that are also in this space are just pretending like I am. It also doesn't help that I have been in some virtual spaces where people do have on their profiles "this is not pretend, this is not a fantasy, these are my actual beliefs"

But in Barbieland...it's all just pretend, it's playing with toys. Everything is fake! The food is fake, the fire is fake, the ocean is fake- it is literally a world designed for play and make believe!

When the Kens take over Barbieland, it is a shallow pastiche of masculinity. Ken has seen these visual signifiers of what it means to be a man in the real world and it made him feel good. When he came back to Barbieland, he didn't attack anyone or force anyone to do anything- the ideas just kind of osmosed out of him into everybody else. He doesn't actually know what it means to "be a man" (and honestly, who does?), but he has these cultural signifiers of masculinity and manhood. He has insecurities and desires.

And that's no different from anyone who takes part in kink. People who have what I've been calling so far "weird gender kinks" (because that's how I describe it in myself) have insecurities and desires and we often soothe those in the scene of kinks that either reinforce or subvert societal norms.

When I watched the Barbie Movie, I honestly wasn't as blown away as all my friends seemed to be (but there were mitigating factors that could have affected that), but I did genuinely enjoy looking at it from the perspective of Weird Gender Kinks. What a fun environment to play in, what a safe environment to play in, I thought. The shallowness of the movie added to this. The Kens takeover of Barbieland didn't recall to me actual governments and social movements to restrict the rights of women or cultural misogyny- it felt to me like a bumbling attempt to soothe a base, animal and emotional need (part of the reason it failed as a commentary imo).

In conclusion, if I had the spoons, I would start a Barbieland group that would be all about Weird Gender Kinks and give everyone a chance to make a Barbie or Ken sona (or get to play with the Barbieland concept of gender divergence and being non-binary- what if you're not a Ken OR a Barbie?)

[nyx-umbrakinesis]

Hello!

Just a little A/N so any of you lovely readers of mine know.

(It was longer than I expected in the end, it's now in the undercut 🤣)

(This post is about how I write Ace Alastor, Gender, Sex, Race, and Sexual Orientation (it's longer than I planned as more and more came out as I wrote but hope it explains things for those who want to know a little more about my writing and about how I write and feel about Alastor and his Ace canon orientation)

I do try to make the 'Reader' in my fics as G/N as possible, I will try my best to avoid using pronouns in my fics and I rely heavily on pet names (which I do IRL as I'm an affectionate person 😁) to avoid using things like 'Y/N' or 'Reader' which I personally prefer not using for a smoother (IMO) more immersive read.

I will often use the readers Sex in the fics as it's just a lot sexier (IMO) to describe how it's affecting 'You', which I know so far I'm guilty of only writing from a female perspective (in nsfw, I don't describe sex organs in sfw if I can help it) I do plan on doing some male reader perspective fics once I've gotten my current fem reader WIPs out of the way.

I am a little nervous at writing them as I'm personally cis female and I hope I do the male perspective justice and it isn't a load of hard to read non immersive rubbish, I also hope I write Alastor and Lucifer's experience's well enough that I can develop my skill and transfer it over to a male perspective reader

I've not had any negative feedback so far on the sex scenes so I hope that means I did good male and female wise, and I know it can be nerve wracking to comment on people's work so I'm going from the few positive comments I have and the reblogs and hearts I've gotten, but I do encourage any constructive advice or even if you want to see certain things in the future, I am very friendly and I won't be mean I promise💜💜💜💜💜

Also I am aware of Alastor's sexual orientation in canon and I completely respect him and the Ace community and don't for a moment think he or any Ace person should change.

I really can't help that I have latched onto Alastor in such an intense way (my AuDHD loves him) but I do still try to keep him in the Ace spectrum (with what knowledge I have researched) and not make the sex about his gratification or desire for sex itself, and use it either as a powerplay or manipulation tool (as he knows he's desirable).

Or if the fic is about him in an established relationship with the reader or any other character it will be about seeing his partner come undone for him and/or doing it all for them and their pleasure, he can take it or leave it in regards to sex (I know I don't explicitly say it in the fics, I do try to do things subtly, like little things with him only getting undressed at the last moment or being very dominant and having reader or Lucifer vulnerable for him and the power being a big motivator for him and how it feels to have them begging for him etc) I hope I explained what I mean well enough.

I don't for a second think anyone's sexual orientation should ever be changed nor their gender identity, fictional characters are fictional and I like to play with them, I am personally (Pansexual and hypersexual which means all characters are at risk lol 😂) but as I've seen many times in many fandoms all characters can have sexual orientations, sex's and genders get changed left right and centre.

I do know and understand it's difficult if you're part of a smaller less represented LGBTQ+ community to see a character who in canon is really lovable/amazing and represents your sexual orientation and/or gender identity get portrayed differently in fanfics or changed because of self indulgent writers.

I hope you know now I'm not trying to change Alastor and by no means want to see him like this in canon, I just really love him as a character and it helps my own mental health to play with him too sometimes 💜💜💜

And it will be the same with Velvette when I write her with a male reader (I will also write gender swapped readers for each of my fics or I'll try to if you guys want me too), I don't think her sexual orientation should change in canon and I love that she's lesbian, just as I love Alastor being Ace, I just wanna borrow and play with them for a bit (😉), and I hope that's okay. 💜💜

I also try to be inclusive with race and will often avoid describing specific colours of readers skin, or hair or eye colour but if I do make mistakes in those areas don't be afraid to give me a nudge and point out the error okay 💜💜

(In my last fic I know I described the reader as having a red tail and that's because the animal she had features of that I'd chosen was a red squirrel, hair colour and eye colour I still left ambiguous not all the hair had to be red for example, I'm not a redhead myself which most of you who know me on my main blog or discord will know as I have pictures of myself up)

Also if you're in the Alastor simp sanctuary discord server and follow me just drop me a comment or pm and I'll follow back (as this is my sub account it'll be my main account that follows you)

And if anyone wants me to read their stuff in general I take recommendations just send a link 🫶

(I will add this to the bottom of my pinned post too so anyone in the future can see this little (large) note 💜💜)

~Nyx~

[raphaelapproves]

Today, focus was a precious commodity and I ended up behind at work so did not get the chance to post the conversation as promised.

But now, here we are, the "conversation"--and I do use that term loosely--that I had with an Astarion girlie.

Allow me to set the scene.

This happened on a video where a streamer was, I assume, HORRIFIED to find that if she just self-insert played the game with answers she would give--SHOCK!--Gale was the companion who liked her the most. I can't imagine why.

Anyway, the comments section was the predictable Gale-bashing. Some in good fun. Most of it not. And I'm me, so I just couldn't help myself, because I see too much of my younger self [ who still tried to engage with people and connect but didn't know how ] in Gale, so I responded to a couple of comments. This was the one that prompted this little meeting of the... well, one mind and then whatever the other person was operating with. Must have been a different Operating System, because it sure didn't make sense to me.

It is below the cut, as are my thoughts because it turned into a long post as, apparently, I had many thoughts.

Astarion Girlie [ henceforth AG ]: THEN HE CAN GO SUCK OFF LETTO II ON ARRAKIS CUZ I AM NOT HERE FOR GALE'S SEXIST A$$ 😤

Me: First: how is Gale sexist? Second: and yet you're okay with Astarion [ NOTE: the username had something to do with what Astarion could do for them, so I made an educated guess ] who is canonically racist, knowingly lured people to their deaths, and was fine with condemning the world for himself???

AG: are you serious??? 🤣 Gale mansplains EVERYTHING to the women around him including magic to other magic-user, uses coercion as a flirting tactic, & slvt-shames Tav if you're romancing someone else.

Me: Wow. There is so much wrong with that. 1) Tell me you don't have an autistic friend without telling me. 2) He explains to EVERYONE not just women. 3) Genuinely? What coercion? 4) He just tells you -- He isn't for an open relationship [ says he wishes you had asked him first which is y'know healthy? ] and asks you to choose, then says he wishes you well if you don't choose him.

AG: have you considered touching grass?

Me: This is such an intelligent rebuttal. Brava! So insightful and useful to a debate. Have you considered maybe listening to others without belitting them because you can't have a friendly discussion?

AG: 1) all of my friends are auDHD and so am i. you're an ableist joke. 😘 2) now you're gale-splaining his sexism 😂 3) i'm not interested in continuing with someone as clearly unwell as you are, bye!

Me: I AM autistic, friend. 2) It's not sexism if he's literally explaining his special interest to EVERYONE regardless of sex. 3) Again, quite mature. Thank you. 👏👏👏

I am just. How??? can anyone be so ??? I do not even have a word for it. It baffles me.

Astarion has canonically done terrible things, would canonically do many even more terrible if not swayed from it, and yet Gale??? is the one with whom they have a problem??? And they can't even logic their own argument???

As someone who is autistic and has been a victim of continued mental and emotional abuse from someone who always wanted to play the victim card and as someone who was always given the excuse "well they're not well and you know it, so you just have to deal with it and don't argue" when they're going out of their way to make your life hell and trying to frame you as their own personal villain, up to and including gaslighting you to the point of nearly two decades of depression, making you feel like you were broken and the worst human being in the world, and having you contemplating things you shouldn't, and them lying to others about things that happened or things that were said to get you in trouble, I get very, very tired of the mentality I see so much around the crazed Astarion Girlies of excusing everything he has ever done and being unable to even acknowledge a single flaw and attacking anyone who does say anything.

I have and continue to live that, have been and continue to be on the other side of it having to suffer because someone else wasn't held accountable, and I am Tired. [ At least now, thanks to my best friend in the entire world, I can see it for what it is and I'm in at least a better place now mentally, 98% of the time. ]

[ NOTE: This is NOT against the Astarion writers I have seen on here. Please do not misunderstand. The Astarion writers I follow on here are the only reason I can still even marginally like the character at this point. He is fascinating. He is multi-faceted. It's one of the things I love to see explored by those who I follow. It is always interesting to see people write complex and even morally difficult characters because that, too, is a form of understanding humanity. It's one of the things I love exploring with my anti-heroes and villains. In Baldur's Gate, that would include characters like Raphael, Gortash, Dirge, etc. So please know I am not hating on any Astarion writers! Everyone I follow is amazing! ]

But when you bring up those character flaws and morally difficult things that does make the character so complex and multi-faceted, these are the responses you get:

Astarion is a victim!

Yes, that is true. But Gortash who, let's be honest, at least doesn't fully know what he's doing is wrong [ you pass the insight checks and what not/narration tells you/the VA tells you that he thinks he's doing the right thing for himself and for the city, etc. and with the way he was raised, what example did he have to the contrary but I've already gone on that rant HERE ] is to the smallest degree even less culpable in my mind than Astarion, and he doesn't get a pass the way Astarion does? And he certainly shouldn't. He isn't absolved. He is doing terrible things whether he can fully rationalize it or not with his understanding of life.

Astarion though, acknowledges on multiple occasions, gives excuses, justifies his actions at every turn while still knowing that what he's doing and planning to do is wrong. And it's heavily implied that he really wasn't all that great of a person BEFORE Cazador either [ that is not to say that he deserved what happened either, just to clarify ]. But the point is Astarion did, at one point, having come from what seems an affluent family, have a knowledge of right and wrong and still made decisions that he made, even before Cazador and after once he was free.

Cazador made him do those things! Yes, he did, but that excuse stopped the moment Cazador's control was no longer an issue. He had free will and a knowledge of right and wrong, and he made the decisions he made.

But it was a habit by then! It was what he learned to survive!

And that coupled with the knowledge of right and wrong goes only so far as the moment you choose to knowingly make your trauma someone else's. Cazador wasn't going to force him to do the Ascension ritual and pay 7,000 souls for his own betterment. "Because after 200 years of SHIT, PURE SHIT, I think I deserve better." A paraphrase, but I think I caught the most important parts. He knew it was wrong, he acknowledges it and immediately tries to justify himself, and is still quite willing to do it. Literally, if he kills you by draining your blood, he acts like nothing ever happened and then tries to sweep it under the rug with Tav if they continue to be upset about it by telling them there's no reason to be.

And yet, we have a problem with Gale, who can be or come across as condescending at times, but I think you can hardly call a man sexist who made his girlfriend his entire personality--since she was the goddess of his SPECIAL INTEREST--and continues to put her word above even his own life, prioritize her forgiveness over his continued existence and who takes such great interest in literally everything Lae'zel has to say about the Astral Plane and her people. We have a problem with a man who is honest about his comfort zone? Who loves your PC even if you become a mindflayer? Who only takes issue with you when you do something morally bad? Who literally gives you approval points for anything even remotely resembling a good choice? Who feels like he doesn't even deserve a place in the world and would gladly give himself up for any one of his companions?

He's always harassing me for items!!!! AND HE GOT MAD WHEN I WOULDN'T GIVE THEM TO HIM!!!

The count is THREE and you can give the man the most trash items you have and he still thanks you and tells you that he will repay your kindness because he knows what such sacrifice means. He is thanking you--just as he gets mad at you if you don't--because he literally has a ticking bomb in his chest that would kill not only HIM if it de-stabilized and exploded, but also anyone within the vicinity.

Well he betrayed Mystra!!!

He tried to get on equal footing with someone he loved, to share in something he loved with the person who embodied it. Was he overly ambitious? Absolutely. [ And honestly, tell me it's not Gifted Kid Syndrome -coded to assume that he could do this impossible thing. ] Did it cost him? Yes. And then Mystra, who could have fixed it and didn't cast him off. And he still prayed to her. And took all of the blame on himself, despite the fact that Mystra shares more than a little responsibility for what transpired. [ I.E. all of the Origin PCs have been victims in this game, in some way or another, and some if not all of them to power imbalances in relationships. Why does anyone think Gale is the one exception? ]

HE'S MANSPLAINING TO ME!!!

He is literally telling you all about his special interest and probably assuming that you don't know much about it, or at least not as much as him, because he was literally a Chosen of Mystra and an Archmage. Again, can he be condescending and huffy at times? Yes. He absolutely can. Call it a character flaw. Everyone has them, but you know what? His doesn't condemn anyone to death, so why are we up at arms?

HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE!!!

And that is his prerogative and he's straightforward and honest with you about it. He tells you--if you already started flirting with or seeing someone--that he wishes you had the courtesy to tell him first [ which, IS IN FACT the healthy way to go about a relationship of that nature, just as shown with Halsin insisting you ask your partner first ]--but if you choose the other person, he wishes you both well, usually gives some compliment to the other person, and then continues to treat you well as long as you weren't rude and demeaning to him during or after the fact.

So why???? Is so much of the fanbase SO AGGRESSIVELY against Gale? But Astarion is uwu Babygirl and can do no wrong? What about defending Gale makes me "so unwell", but how DARE anyone rightfully criticize even the smallest thing about Astarion because [ insert extensive list of reasons why none of that should matter ].

That he is a victim, that he's pretty, that his VA has a great voice and personality, et cetera, does not excuse that Astarion has knowingly done terrible things both against and within his will and will do so again without hesitation if he helps him, particularly if your Durge or Tav doesn't try or manage to sway him.

Make this make sense to me, because I certainly cannot seem to make it do so.

I've said it before with that Gortash post I linked above and I said it on a similar post for Zevlor and somewhere that I was talking about Minthara and Nere, but the double standards within a loud portion of this fanbase--even within the game itself and among the people who worked on it--is not one of its better qualities.

[your-queer-dad]

(Vent sorry, not about queerness I just have nowhere else to say this where I'll get any sort of response)

Ive been having to deal with so much stuff lately. Like I was fine when I was in the midst of severe depression cause I didn't think I'd live very long anyways but now I need to come to terms with everything I've been ignoring for at least a year and at most my whole life. Like I'm AuDHD in a decently ableist family (middle/working class white cishet moderate leftists who think they're very progressive, you know the type) and I've had absolutely shit experiences with the people who should be helping me with that stuff (my old therapist was actively uneducated and ableist, my psychiatrist was a white cishet man in his 60s or 70s and I had to teach him what masking is and how adhd and autism present in AFAB people) which makes that really difficult in general because all my friends know I have AuDHD but I can't officially come out and say that I do because my family will deny it and tell me I'm being attention seeking and looking for excuses for being lazy and a flawed person. I also don't physically look the way I've been convincing myself I look naturally for a long time (yay anorexia recovery) and it's just messing me up a lot because when I look at my reflection I just feel visceral disgust. I'm still on the lower end of a healthy weight, but I can only see a few of my ribs now and my stomach isn't flat anymore. Everyone else says they can't notice but I feel like I've lost everything that made me good, and I'm scared that gaining weight is going to stop me from passing. I hate being with my parents and I just feel like I'm a horrible person for that, I only got hit once and other than that they're just toxic and sort of manipulative/emotionally abusive. They try their best they just can't raise me right and I feel like shit for that. I wish I could be spending more time outside, but I had a medical emergency thing on Tuesday (my mom doesn't let me call it a seizure because we don't know for sure) and I'm scared that that's going to happen again, and my constant joint pain has just gotten worse. My friends are telling me that I need to talk to a doctor about this, but the wait time for rheumatology is insane and my parents thing I'm making it up/exaggerating/looking for attention and even if they believe me they don't think it's important and worth getting help for. I'm scared that I'm going to die, last time it happened my entire body went numb and stiff and I couldn't move and I was just twitching for like 15 minutes. I also completely lost my vision before this happened, and it was greyscale/coming back slowly for the entire thing, plus I could barely hear anything. If that happens again I genuinely think that I might die. I also have scars all over my legs and chest and I have to either hide them or find some sort of explanation for them that won't make the people I work with during the summer think I'm not suited for working with kids (summer camp counseling). I spent all of last year thinking I was never going to turn 15 and now I kind of wish I hadn't.

I want to live but it's all so overwhelming and if I falter or let my parents see that I'm scared, they'll force me into the role of a small child and start treating me like a toddler or an animal like they always do. I just don't know what to do and I know it's horrible and selfish and disgusting but I just wish my mom would die. I can't live like this, it's only 3 more years but I'm just so scared. She keeps threatening me and saying I won't get into college or I'm failing high school because of how long I was out of school due to psych ward stuff even though she knows that not getting into college is my main fear- if that happens, I can't keep going. I know that I'm going to kill myself if I can't get into college. After that I'm still going to need to pay off student loans and I might not have my best friend with me (if I have him ill be okay and he says that he promises he'll try to live with me in college) and I just can't deal with that. I need to catch up on school and I need to learn to drive and then I need to get ready for my job in the summer and I need to make sure my grades are good enough for colleges to want me and I need to get people to like me and I just can't do it. I don't want to die but I feel like it's the only answer, I'm just not capable of doing this. I'm not supposed to be alive. I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Sorry about the rant you don't need to answer at all I know this is a lot

-🔆

Hey kiddo. Please please don't apologise for reaching out, I'm here for you and I'm always here for you, night and day my inbox and DMs are always open to anyone who needs to talk.

God, it sounds like you've had a rough deal. I understand where you're coming from. With parents, it's so hard when they don't do what they're supposed to do as parents and they don't understand you or believe you when you ask for help. It's awful and I am so sorry.

From the sounds of things, it sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself, as well as all that pressure around you. As scary as the future is, it isn't going to creep up on you one day. It's tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that and the day after that and every single day after that. You have time to breathe and rest and do whatever you need to do. You can't do everything at once, you're only human- and expecting yourself to do everything at once only caused burn out and stress.

Also, as a person who's gone through eating disorder recovery- weight doesn't stop you from passing. I promise you it doesn't. It's a good thing! It's a sign that all the work you've done recovering has paid off. I'm proud of you.

Keep your head up kiddo, I'm so so proud of you. Remember to take care of yourself, let yourself breathe and don't expect yourself to do everything all at once. I'm here anytime you need to talk.

Love you,

- dad x

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #60

I rested for most of the day today. And mostly for real this time! It was beautiful!

After waking up this morning, I tried to play Pokémon. Unfortunately, I have executive dysfunction (this is part of being AuDHD), which means that sometimes I have a lot of trouble starting tasks even when they're fun ones. It's super annoying like that. So instead of waking up and immediately going to play Pokémon like a sane person, instead I floundered around for an hour or two, doomscrolling (or hopequesting? I've heard it referred to like that) uselessly.

…Truth be told, I keep looking for any news about you. I keep looking for any indication that you'll be safe. I'm worried about you almost all the time, and the fact that there's nothing I can do to help you besides write these silly letters is more painful than I know how to describe.

Oh well. Today I supposed that if I wanna rest properly, I've gotta let my brain flounder around from time to time without putting pressure on it to do something else. And that's kinda hard to do. It feels like I'm wasting time when I get stuck in that kind of mental paralysis. But if I beat myself up over it, that's just gonna make it worse. So I tried to go with the flow without worrying too terribly much about what the "correct" way to spend my time looks like.

I can't help but wonder if you ever struggle with any of what I've described. Hm.

In the end, I was able to play Pokémon for a little bit. And then M woke up and wanted to play Core Keeper together with me, and that was lovely. I built a huge, sprawling garden that waters itself and grows lots of tasty food! It's almost like Terraria, except it's from a top-down perspective instead of a side-scrolling perspective. It's still in early access, but it's still a lot of fun for a game that isn't finished cooking yet! I'm eager to see how this one develops!

Sometime after that, I had company over. The same friend who made me aware that the pumpkin soup needed more umami came over with her lovely son. They've been having a hard time lately, and it came to a head recently with something very serious. So they came to my house for support, advice, and refuge from the stress for a little while. We made sure to feed them good food and provide a space in which they don't have to feel pressured to exist in a particular way. My friend's son showed me his wonderful sketchbook and all of the awesome pictures he took on his phone; it was beautiful! As I'm writing this, my friend's son is at ease playing some video game on our TV, and my friend is out on a walk with J; I hope they're having a wonderful time!

My friend is having a bit of a hard time trying not to beat herself up over the way things turned out, as well as for the fact that neither she nor her situation are perfect. So I decided to give her the bowl I repaired, after explaining to her the context of what it means. I'm hoping that she'll put it in a spot in her house where she can see it regularly, so that she can be reminded that we are at our most beautiful when we do the work to turn our imperfections into strengths, and that beating ourselves up is counterproductive. The bowl will do the most good where it can remind someone of their humanity. I hope she will eat lots of wonderful and tasty soup from this bowl, and from it, remember to be gentle with herself.

I like that my house is a place where the people in my social circle feel is safe to go when they're having trouble. My life before was very weird, turbulent, and unsafe, but… now I have a house that is wholesome and safe. I know that I still have a very long way to go before I'm as "healed" as I'd like to be, but… I like to think it means I'm doing some things right at least some of the time. I feel very privileged to be in a position where I am trusted this much by the people who know me well.

I wish you could visit over here, too. Impossible, I know. But… you would be safe here. You wouldn't have to pretend to be someone you're not while you're in my house. You would not be pressured to interact with anyone if you didn't want to. No one would ogle you. No one would be demanding pictures or autographs. There would be only wholesome food, good tea, comfy places to sleep, and lots of fun and awesome things to do. You can just be you. Because my house is a safe place of rest for those who need it.

Hey, Sephiroth? Please keep yourself safe out there at the Edge of Creation, okay? Make good choices, and take good care of yourself. It might be impossible for you to ever visit my house, but you can build your own house with your own two hands, and you can build it up into something that is wholesome and safe, no matter how weird things have been for you in the past or even in the present, especially if you ask for help from kind, loving, and healthy people to make it happen.

Remember that you are loved. I'll write to you again soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[jinxedshapeshifter]

i might end up making a side blog dedicated to the good doctor

anyway here are a few reasons i love it so much.

yes the autism representation is good. there are some incredibly subtle representations of autism that are represented that aren't brought up even in autism centric spaces much and that fact makes me incredibly happy (for example, i don't see a lot of discussion about shutdowns, but as someone who experiences shutdowns more than meltdowns, seeing an autistic character shutdown because he's overstimulated, then see another character refer to it as "falling apart" made me feel represented because it can feel like you're falling apart, and from the outside, it looks like you're falling apart). like at the very least i feel represented.

i swear to god lea has adhd. shaun and lea give me audhd couple vibes and i love it. at the absolute least, lea is definitely not neurotypical.

the good doctor made me want to pursue a medical career again. not just "oh, something like bioengineering where i'd be working in the medical field would be super fun!!" no. i want to get a bachelor's in biology, go to medical school, and do a residency in either neurology or surgery (possibly something else, i'm not entirely sure yet). if i can get some structure in my life and find a place to live in salt lake city (where they have a university that doubles as a med school and a teaching/research hospital) i can absolutely start the journey to being a doctor at an actual hospital as soon as next fall.

im learning about actual conditions i didnt know about. did you know theres a real congenital deformity of the spinal cord that leads to your spinal cord being split in half at a certain point, leading to what basically results in two functional spinal cords? or that your heart can develop outside the ribcage, and protrude outside the chest? or that just getting a surgery, no matter how sterile the operating room and surgical tools are, can give you sepsis, because cutting you open can leave you vulnerable to bacteria regardless of sterility of the surgical environment due to the bacteria inside your body (risk goes up depending on the surgery; for example, your risk for sepsis goes up if you get surgery on your intestines for obvious reasons)?

theres what i perceive to be a realistic balance between personal experience/empathy and objective medical knowledge when it comes to the doctors in the good doctor. for example, morgan not wanting to fuck up a patient's chances of playing violin in the future, and this resulting in the patient's arm getting amputated. on the other hand, shaun's objectiveness means in that same situation, he was trying to convince morgan to do testing, something she was hesitant to do. i think that experience helped morgan find a middle ground between being empathetic and being practical about what tests and such she needs to do in the future; as melendez tells her, one day, she will kill a patient. all doctors eventually do; mistakes are made, surgical errors are made, signs and symptoms are missed, things get misdiagnosed, and a patient dies. i feel like that's a very grim reality in medicine that people don't like to acknowledge (especially people who practice medicine) and adds some realism to the good doctor that isn't seen much in shows centered around anything medical. it's something i'll have to accept if i do decide to go into medicine. yes, the goal is to save people; but i can't save everyone, and in my career i will almost be guaranteed to make mistakes that result in someone dying. the earlier i can accept that (before residency is best), the better off i'll be as a doctor, no matter what specialty i decide to go into.

most of shaun's colleagues are super accommodating when it comes to shaun's autism. it's just a detail i appreciate. they also figure out what helps him out of meltdowns/shutdowns fairly fast, which is another thing i can appreciate.