#at least we all agreed that i should really talk about this with a therapist

[tis-the-marmot]

Stuck in a very bad place both mentally and physically

When will things get better. will i get better

[the-travelling-witch]

𝐓𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒

summary: having your period is already stressful enough and being in a magical all-boys school doesn't make it any better; luckily, your boyfriend is here to help

pairings: leona :: jade :: jamil x gn!reader

warnings: period comfort; mentions of periods and different symptoms (but gn pronouns), mentions of reader having hair in jade's part

twisted wonderland masterlist || similar writing: bloody hell [obey me]

𝐋𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐀 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐑

It was decidedly too early for this.

You rubbed the sleep from your eyes as you walked through the hallways, head down to keep from making eye contact with the beastmen staring at you as you passed them. After tossing and turning all night, kept from finding sleep by painful cramps, being ogled at by students at an all boys school that could smell the blood on you was the last thing you needed.

And it wasn’t like you hadn’t tried to avoid this. When you had realised the predicament you would inevitably find yourself in, you had downright begged Crowley to let you stay at Ramshackle. After all, a certain Ignihyde dorm leader also never attended class in person. But, really, you should have known better. As if the headmage would let his number one therapist stay home for a few days each month or as he put it, he 'couldn’t rob a precious student like yourself of the opportunity to learn'.

At least Sam was an actual help and had magically procured just the stuff you needed.

So, with heavy eyes and burning cheeks you speed walked towards your first class of the day, dodging students at the last second on more than one occasion until you eventually ran straight into a sturdy chest. Looking up briefly to apologise, you blinked at the familiar emerald eyes sizing you up.

“Leona! What are you doing here?” Most people’s first reaction to seeing their boyfriend would probably not be bewilderment, but running into your boyfriend inside the school during class hours was as likely as Ace making it through a week without being collared by his housewarden.

“That’s funny, ‘cause I was about to ask you the same thing,” the lion drawled, ears flicking to help convey the incredulousness painted on his face. “So, what do you think you’re doing?”

As imposing as he was with his athletic build and the unimpressed expression, causing the students around you to serve around the two of you, you weren’t affected at all, used to his grumpy exterior.

“Uhm, going to class?” You deadpanned, putting your hand on your hip to mirror his stance. “Unlike someone else I know.”

“Yeah, you’re not doing that,” Leona stated matter of factly.

“Excuse you?” When he tried pulling you along by your arm, away from the direction of your classroom, you dug your heels into the ground. “I hate to sound like a broken record but what are you doing, Leona?”

“Making you get some rest, obviously.” You couldn’t see it from where you stood but you could practically hear the way he rolled his eyes. 

“Listen I can’t just skip class, I talked to the headmage–”

“Crowley can solve his own problems for a day,” his voice rumbled low in his throat, almost sounding like a growl, “you know, like an actual adult. And don’t try to play dumb with me herbivore, it’s not a good look on you. I know you sleep like shit when you get your period and I also know that the people around you don’t take your health into account when they get up to some stupid idea.”

“Yeah but-”

You saw the annoyed flick of his tail before he turned around and braced his hands on your shoulders without ever applying any pressure. By now the last bell had rang and the corridor was deserted, leaving you to be the only people standing in the early morning light.

“Don’t give me this self-sacrificial nonsense,” Leona said, words harsh but you knew him well enough to read the protective feeling behind them. “We both know you need to rest. What good would it really do you to go to class in this state?”

As if to agree with him, a nasty cramp pulled at your lower stomach and the ill suppressed grimace on your face must have been all too apparent to your boyfriend. Giving your arm another light tug, Leona coaxed you towards the Hall of Mirrors again with a tempting ‘C’mon’ and this time you let him pull you along willingly, even handing him your backpack when he reached out for it.

Sometimes, it was hard to forget the kind of culture Leona grew up in, one where women held a high position of power in general, so really you shouldn’t be surprised by how… normal he was about all of this. Part of that was probably also because it was a very gentlemanly excuse to skip class in favour of a nap, if you were honest.

“If you’re that worried about missing class, Jack can give you his notes.” His offhand comment made you snort. Of course, he would offer someone else’s service to you before anything else.

“Or my third-year boyfriend could tutor me,” you teased, a playful lilt swinging in your voice.

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” the lion shrugged. “Weren’t you just on my case about my attendance record?”

“Because the first-year curriculum is just too hard for someone who can turn an entire stadium into dust,” you jabbed.

“You’re yapping a lot for someone who’s this tired,” Leona grumbled, a large palm pushing your head down, careful not to hurt you. With a giggle you decided to drop the topic. 

Crossing the Hall of Mirrors and stepping through the Savanclaw portal, you were greeted by the  warm breeze of dry air typical for the dorm’s daytime. After the trek through the savanna past the spring in the common room and across the wooden bridges, you reached Leona’s room and you could already feel the tension seep from your body as you stepped into its comfortable familiarity. 

When you unbuttoned your uniform’s blazer, you caught a glimpse of your stomach through your shirt, slightly extended further than usual due to the bloating. And rationally you knew it was a normal bodily reaction to your period but paired with the new bumps on your face and general exhaustion, logic wasn’t quite enough to calm your mind.

The clothes being plopped down on your head, however, certainly did rip you from your thoughts. Lifting the ends of the black material covering your eyes you threw your boyfriend a questioning glare.

“I can tell you’re thinking something stupid,” Leona offered as an explanation. “Just get changed and come to bed.”

Huffing under your breath, you stepped into his ensuite bathroom to do as he said, pulling on your boyfriend’s shirt and sweatpants. While you didn’t feel like agreeing with him quite yet, you had to admit, royal loungewear was a league of its own in comfort. And probably in price.

When you emerged, Leona had just tossed his phone on the nightstand before devoting all his attention to you. The ears on his head flicked as his gaze wandered from your head to toe and back up, a grin tugging at his lips and an appreciative glint in his green eyes. 

Then, the second you came within reach, he’d already wrapped you in his strong arms and pulled you into bed with him, not without a surprised squeal from you. You could feel his deep chuckle as much as you heard it with your head resting on his chest and resigned yourself to merely sighing fondly. 

With two firm hands stroking up and down the length of your back purposefully, their warmth spreading through your body, and his chest rising rhythmically underneath you, you finally allowed yourself to relax as you traced random patterns onto his biceps and pectorals and followed the movement with heavy-lidded eyes.

“You weren’t seriously looking down on yourself earlier, were you?” Leona mumbled, a serious care in his words he didn’t offer many people. 

“Well, you can’t really help it when your body goes through this many changes, can you?” you drowsily replied, your eyes already falling closed with no conscious work of your own. “Besides, periods are not the time you feel generally great about yourself.”

“No matter how you might see yourself, I don’t want you to doubt for even a second that I like you the way you are.” At his heartfelt confession, you peeked one eye open to study his expression.

“You can be quite the romantic if you want to huh?” You meekly chuckled, not able to help yourself.

“Go to sleep, herbivore, you’re talking crazy.” Even as he put one of his hands on the back of your head to keep you cradled against him, you didn’t miss how his ears flicked or the fondness with which he looked down on you.

“Alright, alright. I appreciate it though, really.” With a big yawn you shifted to get comfortable, your cramps far from your mind as you sunk into your boyfriend’s natural warmth. “Love you.”

By the time you’d wake up, Ruggie would have dropped off lunch along with some other essential items. But for now, Leona was content to watch as your breath evened out and your chest rose and fell in the rhythm of his own, careful not to disturb you when he draped a soft blanket over you. With the rising sun peeking through the arches of his room, he truthfully answered you in a whisper. 

“Love you, too.”

𝐉𝐀𝐃𝐄 𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐂𝐇

Once Jade had taken an interest in you, he would seemingly appear out of thin air in your general vicinity a lot more often than it was usual to run into a fellow student. On your way to the school store, in line at the cafeteria or when you were carrying supplies for Professor Crewel, the moray would coincidentally round a corner to lend a hand.

So it really shouldn’t have come as a surprise that, as his courting became more serious and you had become aware of what was going on, even reciprocating the sentiment, you found the sophomore waiting for you before your classes started. Your time table was well-memorised so he could greet you with a serene smile each day and walk you to your first class of the morning.

Now, as a moray eel with naturally sharp senses, it was somewhat inevitable he’d pick up on the scent of blood once your period rolled around. In contrast to beastmen who were mostly mammals in their anatomy, however, the Octatrio did not grow up on land and periods weren’t exactly a thing for merfolk. Moreover, seeing as they had only been on land for roughly two years and were attending an all-boys school, it was not a phenomenon they were likely to run into.

So, having his dear pearl approach one morning, the smell of iron heavy in the air, paired with their already soured mood and his lack of knowledge on the societal stigma around the topic, misunderstandings were bound to happen.

“I really don’t think it wise to attend class in your state,” the moray had stated after greeting you, an eyebrow raised at your stubbornness to continue with your day even at what, in his mind, must have been a grave injury. 

“I’m fine, Jade, I just want to get this day over with,” you had groaned, trying to push past the tall student and drop the topic, embarrassed enough that a sizable chunk of the student body would be aware of your predicament in the first place.

But who would he be to let a person he actually cared about go on their way with a bleeding wound? 

“Prefect, I must insist you seek medical aid immediately.” You remembered the uncharacteristically genuine furrow of his brows as he had blocked your path. “Please, go to the school nurse or at least let me tend to your needs. I’m certain I could be of help if you share your problem with me.”

“If you want to hear me say it so desperately,” you had huffed, “I’m on my period. Happy now?”

“Your period?” Jade had echoed with wide eyes, unknowingly speeding up the burning of your shortened fuse with his lack of knowledge. “Yes, I’m aware we are to attend class but I fail to see–”

“Very funny,” you had deadpanned, pushing past him with a cold shoulder and leaving the moray to his own confusion. “Now if you excuse me, I have better things to do than stand here and humour your feigned ignorance today.”

Yes it wasn’t your proudest moment, you’d admit that. And when Jade approached you later that day with a genuine apology, explaining how he had researched the topic and was deeply ashamed of his uninformed remarks, you felt like the worst person on the planet and apologised more than he had. So in the end, you came to an apology truce, where you noted he shouldn’t have prodded further when you didn’t want to talk about it and you shouldn’t have exploded on him like you did.

Since the incident, however, Jade had been a dream to have around. Not to fall short again, he had done a fair amount of research, both on the biological aspect of what was happening to your body but also on the lived experience and its numerous complications. Then, doing what he did best, he observed your reactions, moods and symptoms to better cater to you specifically.

Every month he put both his cooking and alchemy skills to good use, whipping up whatever meal you desired and brewing a painkilling potion with just the right dosage for your current situation. Being Jade Leech, he could also assert his presence in any given situation with as little as a simple glare if you did not want to be bothered.

Your favourite part of the comfortable rhythm you two had fallen in, however, were the evenings where Grim was otherwise engaged and you had Ramshackle to yourselves. On those nights, soft music and fond laughter would mix with hushed whispers spilling from under your bathroom door.

A few months prior, Azul and Jade had sat down for a ‘pleasant chat’ with the Headmaster concerning the state of Ramshackle dorm and soon thereafter, funding had been provided to remodel vital parts of the dorm. No more caved-in roofs or stairs giving away under people’s shoes. Together with the money from the VDC, the old house had finally started feeling like an actual home; one you felt welcome and comfortable in.

It also meant you finally trusted your new bathtub enough to sit in it and actually also relax without any anxieties of whatever you could possibly contract from the exposure. 

With his natural fondness of water, it hadn’t taken long for Jade to propose the idea of shared baths and you hadn’t regretted your decision to agree since. It wasn’t like he gave you any reason to either; it was the opposite, really. It didn’t take the moray long at all to figure out the perfect temperature or what fragrance you preferred, if any. 

He also never made you feel inadequate or like you had to be ashamed of yourself, even when your body went through change throughout your cycle. Your skin tingled from his featherlight touches where his fingers traced your curves, never hiding the fact that he appreciated what he saw but always pairing it with a reverence that made you feel loved and desired, rather than ogled at. So when you sank into the water after him, cosying into his space to lean back against his chest, it was like sinking into a warm, secure embrace.

The water helped soothe your aches and washed away the tension which had built over the day and the easily flowing conversation with Jade let you focus on anything other than the thoughts in your mind, listening to his rich voice rather than the doubts trying to crawl to the surface.

When his hands massaged the shampoo into your hair, you always teetered on the edge of falling asleep right then and there. The atmosphere paired with his skilled fingers applying just the right amount of pressure as his nails gently scraped over your scalp banished any headaches you could have had and had you practically melting against him, a sight that tugged on his heartstrings more than it should have. But to see you put so much trust in him, someone who wasn’t exactly known for his benevolence, it stirred something fond in his heart and it made him want to work harder so you would keep showing him this blissful expression.

After scrubbing your bodies down, paying special attention to any sore spots, he helped you out of the tub, never failing to comment on how wrinkly your hands had gotten in comparison to his, which didn’t seem to be affected by the water exposure at all. Wrapping you up in a fluffy black towel he claimed was from Octavinelle -though you were fairly certain you’d only ever seen pale lilac ones there- he padded you dry and helped you into your clothes, mindful of the routines and products you had shown him previously. 

Needless to say, you felt like a new person each time without fail as you lay snuggled up with your boyfriend in bed later on, listening to his breathing and the steady beating of his heart. 

“Thank you so much for always doing this much for me, Jade,” you said, earnest gratitude and unspoken adoration lining your voice. “I’m really lucky to be with you, huh?”

“On the contrary, I am the one luck seems to favour seeing how you chose to be with me,” he chuckled and you didn’t miss how his strong arms pulled you closer against him even if it wasn’t physically possible. He’d be damned if he didn’t try. “And you needn’t feel conflicted about receiving my affection. Just know I enjoy doing these things for you and with you, pearl.” 

“I stand by my earlier statement,” you smiled, making him laugh along with you. Looking into his heterochromic eyes, you traced the contours of his face with the same delicacy he showed you earlier. “Is it selfish to say that I feel happy about having this side of you all to myself?”

“Not at all. It is reserved for you only, dearest.” His gaze was heavy on yours as he loosely curled his fingers around your wrist and pressed a searing kiss against your palm. “After all, I do not intend to share this side of you with anyone else either.”

𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋 𝐕𝐈𝐏𝐄𝐑

There have certainly been times where Jamil lamented having to basically babysit his dorm leader. Well, pretty much all the time. But being unable to stay by your side while you were hurting was generally one of the most annoying parts of his duties to him, especially with the daily workload of being a student on top of it all. 

Jamil being Jamil, however, he soon worked out a schedule consistent enough to let him visit you somewhat frequently. 

You were lying on one of Ramshackle’s rickety couches, nursing your lower stomach with a -at this point already lukewarm- water bottle, when a familiar knocking pattern brought a smile to your face.

“Come in! It’s open,” you shouted across the hall, adding your sarcastic comment under your breath in order not to worry your boyfriend more than he already was. “Not like the lock’s ever doing its job in this place.”

“Hm? Did you say something?” Jamil made his way straight over to where you were sitting, his footsteps quieting down as he reached the carpeted floor.

“No,” you shook your head, smiling up at him as he leant over the back of the couch. Ignoring his raised eyebrow, you reached up, so you could cradle his cheek as you sat up to meet him for a sweet kiss. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.” Seemingly appeased, your boyfriend mirrored your fond expression, tracing your face with his grey gaze while his hands moved to your shoulders, deft fingers working out any tension you might be having. “How are you feeling?”

“A lot better now that you’re here,” you laughed, though it wasn’t merely a sappy joke, as indicated by Jamil’s scoff behind you. “I mean it though. I’ve been feeling a lot better since I’ve been receiving your royal treatment.”

“It’s nothing that fancy,” Jamil assured, his eyes softening at the way you melted into his touch. “I’m just trying to take care of you.”

“I know you don’t think much of it but I really appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedule to look after me when I’m not even facing anything out of the ordinary,” you sighed, rehashing points you had raised in vain before.

“Oh hush,” your boyfriend playfully shushed you the way he had also done many times already when the topic came up. “Compared to what I usually deal with, this is like taking a vacation, especially since I get to spend time with you. Now speaking of my normal chores, I brought some leftover food.”

“Have I told you that I love you?” You swooned, causing both of you to laugh as Jamil headed over to your kitchen, one he was already familiar with. Not only because he often came over for some much needed peace and quiet but because Kalim was literally the reason you had it in the first place. A relationship-warming-gift of sorts for a relationship that wasn’t even his.

Besides, ever since courting and dating you, Jamil’s measuring skills when it came to meal prep seemed to have worsened because -coincidentally- he’d ended up with too much food and subsequent leftovers so often, you wondered why you even stocked your own fridge anymore.

What you had also noticed though was that, whenever you were on your period -something he seemed to track himself-, the food he brought over was a lot less spicy than usual and rather light. Something someone prone to a sensitive stomach, nausea, reduced appetite or a disturbed metabolism could still comfortably eat. 

The phenomenon of suddenly appearing sticky notes had also made itself known, labelling new containers in your fridge, medication on the counter or your coffee machine with reminders like ‘Remember caffeine makes your cramps worse’ written on it in neat handwriting. 

One or the other bar of dark chocolate and some of your favourite snacks had mysteriously found their way into your bags or onto a bowl in your kitchen as well though, making you smile at Jamil’s thoughtfulness when you caught a peek of them. 

During the day, whenever his schedule allowed it, he’d also drop by to check in on you between classes or during lunch, something Kalim wholeheartedly supported. Normally, Jamil refused all of Kalim’s offers to take a break from his duty but when you were feeling under the weather, he took the white-haired student up on it when no imminent disaster was on the horizon waiting to happen.

When your plate was empty and made its trip to the sink, Jamil refilled your hot water bottle but unlike you earlier, he waved his magic pen over it, which you had realised significantly expanded the time in which the water actually stayed hot.

“Thank you,” you said for possibly the millionth time as you took the bottle from him, then gave him a mischievous grin. “You know what would make me feel soo much better though?”

At the tilt of his head, you scooted over to make space between you and the back of the couch. Getting the hint, Jamil settled in behind you and you got comfy again with your back to his chest. This too had become somewhat of a ritual of yours, one that wasn’t limited to while you were suffering from cramps. 

After all the chore-y part of the late afternoon was taken care of, you liked to spend the evening snuggled up on your couch with the TV playing some show you liked to watch together, read: a show which you started and dragged Jamil into. Well, every now and then your boyfriend also made sure you didn’t fall behind on your studies, though he was more lenient when you were on your period.

“This is nice,” you mumbled, your eyelids heavy now that you had eaten and were surrounded by warmth and your loving boyfriend, whose hands stroked along your sides in a soothing, continuous motion, his chest vibrating underneath you with his affirming hum. 

“I could stay like that forever,” he agreed.

“Well I certainly wouldn’t mind.”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t.” The smile in his voice was auditory even if you couldn’t see his gorgeous face. You could, however, feel his soft lips on the crown of your head and his breath fanning over it and you reached to intertwine one of your hands with his before a yawn you couldn’t suppress any longer filled the air. “You should get some rest, I’m sure you’re tired.”

“But I wanna stay with you longer,” you protested, sleep clouding your tone. 

“Don’t worry, I will be here when you wake up,” Jamil promised. And with that you drifted off, the warmth from around you settling cosily around your heart. A heart that wasn’t really yours alone anymore.

© the-travelling-witch 2024 - do not repost, translate, copy or edit

if you like my content, reblogs, comments and asks are always much appreciated ♡

➺ send in an ask to be added to or removed from my tag list

twisted wonderland: @savanaclaw1996 @honehbee42

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for pretending to not know my childhood bully, even though she recognized me?

I (27NB) recently started a job at my local airport as a screening officer. I really like said job, because it has routine. I’m autistic and despite how loud it can get in the terminal, I like it a lot. I had been struggling a lot recently in trying to find a job and I waited a few months from this screening company.

A few months ago, my best friend (27F) of 21 years had to fly across the country and took a cheap flight where she ran into our childhood Bully (27F). She didn’t really bully my best friend as much as she bullied me. She used to lie to my friends and say awful things about me, have her mom call my mom daily from kindergarten to grade six. There was a point in my life where the Bully turned everyone against me. I won’t lie and say I was the perfect kid but the amount of BS that she constantly used to do was awful and in no way possible justifiable. Bully is now a flight attendant and works out of the same airport.

With the information of knowing she works at the airport, I went to my therapist on what I should do. My therapist has been a rock in my life, and helping me work through a lot of trauma. I asked her what I could do, because I knew that we would run into each other eventually and if it was right to just say I don’t know her. My therapist agreed and we made a plan: I would not approach her at any cost but if approached, I would remain friendly and polite as to not risk my job. Because I’m also non-binary and going by a different name, I would simply state that no, I’m not that person, sorry.

This morning, while I was walking to the car after my shift, bully saw me and loudly asked if it was me. I simply said “sorry, wrong person” and tried to continue going to my car but she stated “it’s me, Bully”. I stated: “sorry, I don’t know who you are” and got to my car before opening the door and getting in. I felt great. The safety protocols I worked on with my therapist went well.

I told my best friend and other best friend (27F) of what happened and how I thought they would be proud of me. We’ve all been through the wringer due to this bully. What happened was upsetting to say the least.

Best Friend 1 said that it was childish, incredibly petty and mean. Best Friend 2 was a little bit more understanding and asked if it would lead to a more adversarial relationship. I stated that I don’t want anything to do with the bully and that my therapist and I had talked it over previously and formed a plan. But Best Friend 1 is mad at me for doing this, citing that we work in the same building and I should not be resorting to this.

The thing is, when Best Friend 1 is mad at me, she will ghost me for months and then pretend like nothing happened. She won’t respond to text messages or anything. It’s kind of frustrating to say the least.

So tumblr, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[satureja13]

Jack is disenchanted and disappointed. As exciting as it was to talk to Tiny Can, he'd expected more of the AI Therapist.

Sai went back to sleep again, he's exhaused from crying and reliving his worst memories. And Ji Ho and Jack decided to play a bit. But the only 'game' available is a boring puzzle... Jack: "Oh my, I don't know what's more boring. This puzzle or our therapy... Have they never heard about gamification? Or fun? Or to make it a bit more interesting?" Ji Ho agreed. Though the insight about Vlad and his own locked away feelings was interesting. Maybe he should follow and explore these thoughts a bit deeper.

Suddenly Saiwa was wide awake: "What did you just say, Jack?"

Jack: "Uh - probably something wrong? You finish the puzzle, Ji Ho, I go and run."

Saiwa: "No! That's actually brilliant!

Gamification! The Game!!!

We combine the AI with our game and make it a Therapy Game!" Jack and Ji Ho: "..." (Haha you can see how Jack and Ji Ho's brains are working ^^') Saiwa: "And not just for us - for other creatures too! This would have been so helpful when we'd been so scared and alone! And who knows? This could be a sucess and we'd make money to pay Rubyn and the others back!" We barely get to see Saiwa this excited ^^' But here some of his main interests meet, his love for games and computers - and being there for others and help them.

Vlad went back home to grab Saiwa, Jack and Ji Ho's content they'd already had created for their game over the last months and then they started their epic gathering to develop the:

For the computer game they'd planned, Jack already made the concept art and design, Vlad wrote and Ji Ho composed the music and soundscapes. They are going to feed all this to Tiny Can and see what kind of 'gamification therapy' he'll create. How exciting! (For me it really is! Imagine this: a game that also is a therapy - supported by an AI! How amazing would that be if you could see the things that make you suffer from a distance and you'd find solutions for them by doing insightful AND funny AND interesting quests! You'd gain helpful new habits and get rid of unhealthy ones by playing a game! Where I live it's so hard to find a therapy place. We have to wait up to a year -.- I do have high hopes in AI. You could go by your own pace. And you wouldn't even have to leave the house!)

After a very long gathering, Ji Ho and Jack relaxed in the hot tub. Jack's pain is thanking him. They sat silent for quite a while, lost in their thoughts. Very unusual for Jack, but his brain is running on hyper speed now. He's so excited :3 And Ji Ho was pondering about his locked down feelings. The Bond made it easy for him to love Luci. They had a whole different approach to each other. While his relationship with Vlad was doomed from the beginning (their story in (kind of ^^') short -> here).

The only ocassions where Ji Ho was really comfortable with Vlad was, when they touched and made love. And this is also a benefit of the Bond and Luci because Ji Ho hated being touched in the beginning. After all he'd seen at the House of the rising Sun in the slums of Sulani. But Luci had approached him slowly and tenderly. Ji Ho shared his thoughts with Jack: "Do you think this might be a way to become more comfortable with Vlad and finally be able to love him? And to find my buried down feelings?" Jack: "I think that's brilliant! At least one of us learned something in that therapy. When you charge the Bond later, just try a bit more and we'll see how it goes."

A little later Vlad came down: "Uhm, I'm leaving now. The Bond..."

Ji Ho left the hot tub and went over to Vlad to charge the Bond - and try his new theory... They embraced each other as usual and then Ji Ho tried to kiss Vlad.

But Vlad moved his head aside and whispered: "I want nothing more than you - but not like this." Vlad's breath ghosted over Ji Ho's still wet skin and made him shiver.

Vlad still has his principles - not to forget his foolish pride. No way he's going to have a plain physical relationship with Ji Ho - without love. There is no 'two out of three ain't bad' or 'it's better than nothing' in Vlad's world ^^' Only 'it's all or nothing'. He would do anything for Ji Ho, but he won't - and can't do that. It would break him apart. That does not mean it was easy for him to not give in and leave. Vlad really is the master of self control ö.ö

And then Vlad left. Ji Ho seems a bit piqued after Vlad's rejection ^^'

'I can't stop this feeling Deep inside of me Girl, you just don't realize What you do to me

When you hold me In your arms so tight You let me know Everything's all right

I'm hooked on a feeling I'm high on believing That you're in love with me'

Hooked on a Feeling - Blue Swede from the OST of Guardians of the Galaxy I

Outtakes

He will be mine, oh yes, he will be mine.

Yang Mal: "Can we grill our corncobs now?" 🌽 Saiwa: "Uhm - sure ö.Ö'"

Ji Ho checking the mail... 📬 Who might have sent that letter when Ji Ho looks like that?

Tyalindo watching the sun set 🌅

From the Beginning  ~  Underwater Love ~  Latest 🕹️ 'Therapy Game' from the beginning ▶️ here 📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 17-22 ~ 23-28

[prince-liest]

I feel like this is a risky question but if you don’t want to answer you know what to do. Reading 666 I questioned so many things on love and relationships that I’d already started to question before, but not to such extent. Inevitably this led to a talk with my psychologist (you know how people joke “my therapist will hear about you” well yeah that happened) and asked her what’s the difference between romantic and platonic love if we exclude social expectations. To this she replied it’s sexual chemistry you can have with more than one person, and nothing more. Beside that, it’s technically still just “platonic”. The more I think about it the more sense it makes. In which case, I wanna ask if you agree as an aroace, and in the terms of 666 does that technically mean Alastor loves Vox in that sense? I think you’ve said before he wouldn’t go as far with anyone else, so I guess I’m asking you if he feels genuine sexual chemistry with him, because I do have a hard time figuring that out while reading (unreliable narrator is my enemy) and most of the time I’m even more confused than Vox is on how much Alastor is enjoying anything sex related

I have a couple of things to say about this one, haha. It was interesting to think about, and I'm admittedly more delighted than I should be that I've made it into someone's therapy session, hahaha.

Firstly, I disagree with your psych about how to define romantic love and I think the same would go for a ton of people both aro and allo. "Friends with benefits" is a known concept that is different from "romantic partner" for a reason, and I don't think we'd have so many "we started out friends with benefits but, oh no, we caught feelings down the line, how unexpected!" romance plotlines if friends with benefits was the same thing as a romance apart from social expectations. Also, this way of describing non-platonic love makes it impossible for non-aro ace people to love romantically purely by definition, and I think many non-aro ace folks would disagree with that.

Secondly, Alastor isn't sexually attracted to Vox in 666 regardless. He enjoys the things they do, which is very different. Not to get too clinical about it, but he doesn't even tend to experience sexual arousal unless they're getting up to the very specific type of acts that he's personally into, which is why every time Alastor is taking on the dominant role his internal narration is pretty much just going on about wanting to eat Vox whole - it's entirely a non-sexual sadism thing for him, even if Vox is still getting off. It's possible to enjoy sexual activities for reasons other than sexual gratification, and that's about 80% of what Alastor gets out of their encounters.

If you want to see what it looks like when I write from the POV of a character who is sexually attracted to their partner as a point of comparison, I recommend reading How to Bag an Angel: Take That, Depression! and then contrasting that to Alastor's internal narrative in the 666 chapter where he fucks Vox. But as a straight answer, I write Alastor as a character who sometimes gets off on being forced into submission/humiliation, and not really all that much else.

I think defining romantic vs platonic feelings can be very personal, and both psychologists and philosophers have been trying to do it for ages, so it's something that you kind of have to define for yourself - but that's my view on it as pertains to this fic, at least! I hope that was helpful!

[hairstevington]

Stranger Therapy - part 3!

Eddie Munson x Steve Harrington

Summary: Steve and Eddie visit Dr. Bauman a third time. While they figure out their feelings for each other, Dr. Bauman attempts to speed up the process. Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Link to Ao3

Word Count: 3.1K

Warnings: Discussion of intimacy, PROLONGED EYE CONTACT, talking about sex in a very PG way, sexual tensionnnnn, modern day AU, aged up, Matchmaker Murray.

A/N: Things are heating up folks ;)

Next time, you’re in the hot seat. No fake dreams, I’m talking real shit, okay?

Technically, Steve had never agreed to that, but he knew Eddie wasn’t going to let it go. Besides, Eddie had been extremely vulnerable in their last session, and Steve did feel a slight need to have things balanced. 

The thing was, things kind of were balanced, because the dream he’d brought up in therapy with Dr. Murray wasn’t entirely fake. 

Steve had never been that great of a liar. He had to come up with something to talk about, and he didn’t have enough time to make up a problem, so he actually had brought real shit into their counseling session. Sure, it devolved into something unrelated to Steve’s real recurring nightmare, but the core of it was intact. 

It’s just that - Steve wasn’t used to talking about his feelings. He locked all of it away ever since - ha, nice try! 

He knew if he was going to open up to anyone, a therapist would be a great place to start, but the problem was that it wasn’t just Dr. Bauman. It was Eddie too. And Steve liked Eddie - at least, he was pretty sure he did. The only person that really knew what went on in Steve’s head was Robin, for the most part. Even then, there were a lot of things Steve just…never talked about. 

Then again, if he didn’t share at the next session, he’d be going directly against what Eddie asked of him. Which really didn’t matter that much, because they didn’t know each other, and because Steve was paying for all this anyway, but for whatever reason Steve couldn’t let this go or go against Eddie’s wishes. Despite everything, he was genuinely excited to go to counseling again. 

Steve had been through a lot of wild shit, but this was most definitely the craziest thing he’d ever done. 

-

The last guy Eddie went on a date with turned out to be a serial killer. That’s not even a joke - the man was secretly a literal serial killer. Eddie felt something was off after they went out, so nothing ever came of it. About a month later, Eddie saw the guy on the news. 

So, that was weird, and a hell of a story. Couples counseling with Steve was extremely tame by comparison.

Yeah, the concept of going to therapy with a person he didn’t know that well was a little out there, but it certainly didn’t feel as weird as it should have. Steve must have felt the same, and that’s why they both continued to go back. 

Who knows? Maybe they were onto something.

Steve: So I have an idea if you’re up for it

Eddie: Pray tell

Steve: We drive together this time?

Eddie: Hmmmm

Steve: Or not, all good either way

Eddie: wow you got anxious about that really fast

Steve: Shut up lol

Eddie: Am I sensing a fear of rejection?

Steve: Dude come ON

Eddie: If only there was someone we could maybe discuss this with

Steve: Asdfghjkl are you done yet?

Eddie: your car or mine ;)

Eddie liked the way he flustered Steve just a little bit, but not enough to throw him off. He felt solid and secure, and he looked out for Eddie without being asked or seeming condescending about it. 

Even though the entire thing was unorthodox, it was also kind of perfect. The initial stages of dating were always a chore, anyway - this blew them way past that and into something entirely different. 

Eddie pulled up to Steve’s apartment and barely had to wait a minute before Steve came tumbling out. Steve tended to always look good, but the weather was getting warmer, and this time he was wearing short sleeves. 

Yeah. His arms were gonna be a problem. 

“Hey babe,” Steve teased as he hopped into the passenger’s seat. 

“Hey,” Eddie grinned. “You’re especially chipper today.”

“Yeah, well…” Steve ran his hands through his hair, putting his flexed bicep fully into Eddie’s view. He tried not to stare, but…come on. “What?”

“Nothing,” Eddie replied quickly, turning his attention back to the road. “So, how was your week?”

Oh my god, what the hell is this? 

Eddie rarely got thrown off by men. Typically, he was the one who did the teasing, and most people found him too intimidating to dish it back. That was the dynamic he was used to, but with Steve -

“My week was good. Yesterday, Robin and I went to this fancy dinner. It’s become a tradition every year on March 27th because the first time we went we lied and said it was our anniversary to get a free dessert. Now it’s been three or four years and we get all kinds of special treatment. They love us.”

“You mean to tell me I’m not the only one you’re pretending to date right now?” Eddie asked, dramatically pretending to be offended.

 “Well, yeah, Eddie,” Steve responded. “I’m a pretty hot commodity as a fake boyfriend. I mean, look at me.” 

Eddie saw Steve gesturing at himself in his peripheral vision, and very much didn’t need to actually look to know how hot the man was. 

“Damn, well it’s a good thing I like a little competition.” They sat in comfortable silence for a moment before Eddie spoke again. “How long have you and Robin been friends?”

“God, since I was like, eighteen,” Steve answered. “She went to Hawkins High too, actually. Robin Buckley?”

“No shit!” Eddie exclaimed. Of course he remembered Robin - they were both band geeks. “Never would have thought you two would have been close.”

“Yeah, well a horrible minimum wage job will bond you to someone,” Steve said with a laugh. “If you ever see us together, you’d think we were dating, too. Most people think that.”

“But you’re not dating?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?” Eddie asked. Steve chuckled lightly.

“Seriously, man? Read between the lines and think about why you and I started talking.” Eddie smirked. 

“Got it. I just mean, like, bisexuality exists, so I didn’t want to assume anything.” 

“Right, well I am bisexual but Robin only has eyes for women,” Steve explained. “But every partner either of us has ever had always gets jealous or suspicious of us. It’s, like, the first big test of our relationships.” 

“Well, personally I’d love to see you two in action,” Eddie said. “If you ever wanted to do something, like other than therapy.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Steve replied. He didn’t say it in a dismissive way, but he also didn’t agree to it, which was weird. 

“Does she know about me?” Eddie asked, suddenly curious. 

“Yeah, she does,” Steve responded. The cracks in his charisma were starting to show. Interesting. “She doesn’t know we still, uh - she thinks we’re just going out. Like, normally.”

“But we’re not,” Eddie concluded. The only real date they’d had was the coffee, but they’d each paid for their own. It could easily be construed as friendship. For all Eddie knew, he was about to become another Robin. Which wasn’t a horrible thing to be, except now Steve was reaching over the dash to turn the radio up, and Eddie could smell his cologne, and he knew for sure that whatever this was, it sure as hell wasn’t platonic. At least, not for him. 

Very, very interesting indeed. 

-

When the boys sat down in Murray’s office for their second official session, he could practically see the pheromones between them. He could have cut the sexual tension with a swift karate chop. 

Naturally, he had to mess with them a little bit about it. 

“Okay, so today I wanted to bring things back to your initial complaint of not feeling connected and talk about intimacy,” Murray began. 

“Intimacy?” Eddie asked. “Like, sex?”

“Intimacy comes in many forms,” Murray reminded them. “Physically and emotionally. For example, some couples find it incredibly intimate to cook together, read to each other, or shower together - once again, in a non-sexual way. Even physical intimacy is on a spectrum. Some couples have sex, some don’t.”

Murray saw both of the boys stare at him as if he was speaking a different language. Evidently, they needed to talk about this whether they were actually dating or not.

“Okay,” Steve finally said. 

I wonder if they’ve banged it out, yet. 

“We can start with physical intimacy, if you’d prefer. How is your sex life going?” The boys immediately stiffened, their cheeks rosy red, which answered Murray’s question pretty clearly. Huh, not yet. What’s taking them so long? They recovered within moments, then answered the question confidently. 

“Good,” Steve answered.

“Top-notch,” Eddie added. They shared a look that Murray assumed the idiots thought he wouldn’t catch. He could read them so easily, the way that Steve was now flattered at the insinuation that Eddie thought he was good in bed, and the way Eddie was so eager to brag about their sex life. 

“So, what are some ways you two are emotionally intimate with each other?” That question seemed to stump the boys. Murray had found that a lot of people in their twenties struggled with being emotionally intimate. “Hmm. Would you guys be willing to try something a little different today?”

“Like, what exactly?” Steve wondered. 

“An experiment, I suppose. Nothing too scary.” 

“Fuck it, sure,” Eddie agreed. He turned to Steve. “You up for it?” Steve looked slightly less enthused by the idea, but nodded. 

“Okay,” Murray said, rubbing his hands together. “So, first I’m going to have you stare into each other's eyes for two minutes, and then I’ll ask you both some questions.” 

They hesitantly did as told, turning towards each other on the couch and making eye contact. Once again, their chemistry basically jumped off them - the way they were both nervous but tentatively trusting of one another. They’d already built more trust than a lot of couples Murray had worked with who had been together for years.  

Any day now, they’ll figure it out. I give it a week, tops.

-

Eddie had no problem with eye contact. In fact, he was known for using it as a way to intimidate people. He was comfortable with it, so when Murray suggested the eye contact thing, Eddie thought it would be no big deal. 

But then, Eddie and Steve turned on the couch to face each other. The stupid thing had a dip in the center that caused both of them to slip forward slightly and knock their knees together. There was a brief moment where Steve reached to stabilize himself on Eddie’s thigh. Eddie was touchy, and it didn’t usually faze him at all. 

This time, it did. 

As he looked at Steve, he couldn’t stop himself from wondering about what had changed. The first few times they’d met up, Eddie felt perfectly in control. He found Steve attractive and all, and he liked being around the guy, but this time something had shifted. He pondered it for the whole two minutes, and came to the conclusion that Eddie’s vulnerability in the last session and Steve’s ability to calm him down afterwards was what did it.

Dr. Bauman was absolutely onto something with the emotional intimacy thing. This shit was worth every penny. Well, Steve’s pennies, technically.  

-

God, this feels weird.

Steve didn’t care about eye contact, but it wasn’t usually, like, scheduled and moderated. He knew Murray was watching them, studying them, and at this point Steve didn’t know where he ended and the whole relationship charade with Eddie began. 

He wasn’t an idiot - he knew what Eddie had been hinting at in the car before with the whole, if you ever want to do anything other than therapy. It’s just that Steve kinda panicked at the thought of it, because it felt like things were moving too fast for them to actually date outside of whatever the hell this was. 

Then again, Eddie had very pretty eyes. Most of Steve’s two minutes were spent desperately trying not to look at his lips. 

He didn’t know what the hell was going on. 

“Time’s up,” Dr. Bauman said. Steve relaxed and immediately broke eye contact to look back at the counselor beside them. “Not so fast - keep looking at each other.”

“Doctor, did you lie to us?” Eddie teased. Steve noticed he had absolutely no issues holding his gaze, but that he somehow sensed Steve’s anxiety. Eddie reached out and laid his hand on Steve’s knee, but it was unclear whether or not that was intentional or just a product of being so close to each other on the couch that forced people together. 

“Now I’ll ask you both again. What are some ways you two are emotionally intimate?”

Here. This. I’d rather be naked. 

“We, uh - “ Steve thought back to their conversation at the coffee shop and smiled. “We play music together.”

“Very nice,” Dr. Bauman said approvingly. “Eddie, anything to add?”

“I know his coffee order,” Eddie replied. “Does that count?”

“Absolutely,” Dr. Bauman confirmed. “How did this exercise make you feel?”

“Scared.”

The word left Steve’s mouth before he could even think to stop it. Shit. He’s totally going to ask me about that. Steve turned his body back around to face the therapist, unable to meet Eddie’s gaze anymore. 

“Let’s dig a little deeper into that fear.” I knew it. Dammit. “Why might you feel so scared?”

Might as well just keep going. We’re already here.

“Because every time I open up to someone I end up - “ Steve sighed. “I lose them. One way or another I lose them, because I’m not good enough, or I'm too much, or there’s someone better, or because of other bullshit I sure as hell don’t want to get into right now. So I don’t really talk about my feelings anymore. But then, not letting people in makes people leave, too.”

“A self-fulfilling prophecy,” Dr. Bauman noted. “Very common. Why do you think this feeling started?”

Steve wondered if it was too late to run out of the office and never look back. He could call Robin, have her pick him up, and never think about this ever again -

“Hey,” Eddie said quietly from beside him. Steve turned to see Eddie's face drained of its usual vibrance, instead replaced with something more empathetic and soft. All of a sudden, it was only the two of them in the room. “You okay?”

Steve wasn’t ready to feel so seen. He shook his head without intentionally doing so.

“I - I can’t,” he whispered. Eddie nodded, then turned back to Dr. Bauman. 

“Doc, do you mind if we switch over to something I’ve been thinking about that I want to unpack with you? I have a lot of things actually. I made a list…” 

Steve watched as Eddie dug through his pockets and found a literal, paper, list. And normally, Steve would tease someone about that, but with Eddie it was both endearing and completely on brand. 

This thing they were doing - whatever it was - it worked.

The rest of the session was far less intense. As time passed, Steve felt the tightness in his chest fade little by little. 

The last two times they’d done this, their time together ended when the session did. This time, there was still a whole ride home. 

“Thanks for driving,” Steve said once they got inside the van. “I’ll do it next week.”

“So, you still wanna go back?” Eddie asked, surprised. 

“Well, yeah. I mean, isn’t that what you want?”

“I - I don’t want you to do it just for me, you know? Like, if you don’t want to do it then that’s okay,” Eddie said. Steve shrugged. 

“If we didn’t - if we stopped, I mean. Then what?” Eddie’s eyes stayed focused on the road, and his lack of response caused Steve to continue rambling. “And like, what if the lying combined with us telling the truth is throwing him off, and then we get all messed up in the head or something?”

“I don’t think that’s how that works,” Eddie replied. 

“We should just tell him what’s going on.” Once again, Eddie was silent. “That we’re not really in a relationship, I mean.”

“I think you’re completely glossing over a very obvious solution,” Eddie finally said. “Like, we matched for a reason originally, right? I know the first appointment was supposed to be a one-off thing, but then we kept going. Are we still - like, did we scrap the actual dating part of this or is that still going on? Because I mean - like, even if you didn’t want to see Dr. Bauman anymore, I think I’d still wanna - I don’t know, keep seeing you.”

“I wanna keep seeing you too,” Steve agreed. Obviously, he wanted to keep seeing Eddie. “But I also want to keep seeing Dr. Bauman, which complicates things.” As much as he hated therapy, he needed it. That much was clear. 

“So, we can’t do both?” Eddie asked. 

“We are doing both,” Steve argued.

“You know what I mean.” They were almost to Steve’s, but their conversation felt very unfinished. “Look - I like you. Do you like me?” Yes. Steve couldn’t get himself to say it, for some reason. Yeah, I totally do. If only Eddie was a mind reader. “Got it. Okay, well here’s your stop. I’ll see you next week I guess.” 

Eddie put the car in park, and for a fleeting moment, Steve thought about leaving the conversation at that. But he wasn’t going to fall into his old patterns of - what did Dr. Bauman call it? A self-fulfilling prophecy? 

“I like you too,” he admitted. “I’ve been trying to only focus on what goes on in the office, but I keep thinking about, uh, things between us. I mean, on the one hand, we get along great, but on the other, we’re in therapy together, and you already know more about my issues than most of my previous partners. So I just, I don’t know. It almost feels weird to consider us dating, because it messes with what we have going on in there, and it seems like we both need the counseling, so…”

“You’ve thought about things, huh?” Steve finally looked back at Eddie to see him stifling a grin.

“Were you even listening to the rest of what I said?”

“Well, I wanted to, but I was too busy thinking about things, too.” Steve felt some type of way at the confession of mutual attraction. 

“You - you were?” Eddie nodded aggressively, and Steve tried not to think about the things Eddie could possibly have been thinking about. “Okay, well if you’d been listening, you would know why us doing anything might be a bad idea. If it ends badly between us -”

“Good thing we have a couple’s counselor, right?”

God dammit. Eddie had a hell of an argument, and Steve was all out of excuses. He took a deep breath.

“Wanna come in?”

(next chapter)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@escapingthereality @imfinereallyy @raisedbylibrarians @samthemissfit @chaoticvictorianspirit @elizbaehth @despoenaandpyromania @cr0w-culture @bagofgreentea @f1ct1onwh0re @novelnovella @thing-a-ling @bisexualdisastersworld @practicallybegging @soldiers00 @beckkthewreck @fandomz-brainrot @shrimply-a-menace @justanothergirlwithobsessions @freshflowers-and-dryingherbs @satan-is-obsessed @best-selling-show @micheledawn1975 @smolalien13 @sundead @rosered93

@paintballkid711 @abraca-fxckyou @allbimyself26 @jellybabiesforall @allbymyselfexceptformycactus @justaloadofgarbage-blog @alliemunsonsstuff @undreamingscatworld @thefruityfours @hobbitnarwhal @calivanus @wreckmyplans-thatsmyman @antheia @goodolefashionedloverboi @lillemilly @missmagillicuddy @steviesbicrisis @gamerdano @menamesniall @eyeslikewildflowers111 @callmesirkay @stringischeese @eds-trashmouth

[cfr749]

What’s your opinion on the Valentine’s Day storyline? specifically Tim being upset with Lucy and just how it was written in general?

Hi anon!

Thanks for the ask! I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you!

So I will admit my feelings have evolved a bit on this particular storyline especially in context of season 6 (which I am enjoying so far).

I'll start with my thoughts on the whole five-player-trade thing since those storylines were so intermingled (and apparently that whole thing is going to be the gift that keeps on giving 😂).

Side note: I still wish they would have just dealt with the repercussions of the whole TO/Rookie superior/subordinate thing directly instead of inventing all this sorcery when they could have just acknowledged the inherent misogyny and sexism they've already admitted exists.

We still could have had the cuteness of the group scene and all the plotting to find an opening for Tim without making Lucy out to be a manipulator.

But for whatever reason, they really didn't seem comfortable dealing with the power dynamic issues and repercussions head on, so now I guess we get to see Aaron try to date his therapist instead 😂😬

But at least it seems like they are trying to fix their framing this season by making it clear to the audience that Lucy is the one being wronged, so that's a good thing in my book even though it's hard to see her struggle.

So, after all that, you will be shocked to hear that I wasn't a huge fan of Lucy's choice to do the five-player-trade thing 😂.

I do understand why Tim was upset with her. I think doing what she did behind his back was a problem. Don't get me wrong, though -- they both failed majorly at adult communication 101 here.

Tim should have talked to her before he made the decision to switch positions. Had they discussed it, I don't think Lucy would have felt the same level of responsibility and pressure that she did to make sure Tim wouldn't be stuck in a role he hated. Mostly because she never would have agreed to him taking a desk position and they would have had to work together to come up with another solution. From there, the story could have unfolded very differently.

Tim made a choice behind her back that impacted their relationship, but only his career. Lucy went behind Tim's back and made a choice that ultimately impacted both of their careers.

But, at the end of the day, Tim 100% came out of the situation a winner. And Lucy is continuing to pay the price. As happy as I am that Tim finally acknowledged Primm's role in the outcome of Lucy's detective exam, I am actually pretty disappointed that we haven't seen any actual acknowledgement from him that Lucy is in the position she's in now specifically because she didn't want him to be unhappy.

Lucy's choices were her own, and now she's gotta live with that, but there's no question that she did what she did out of love. And it sucks that we haven't seen any direct appreciation for what she was willing to risk for him, even if he wasn't a fan of the execution.

I had to go back and watch some clips from this episode in order to respond to this, and I have to say it actually gutted me to see how genuinely happy and proud and excited Lucy was for Tim when he got the promotion. Especially juxtaposed against Lucy learning that as much as Tim loves her and wants to support her, he really isn't able to fully get behind her on her dream, which is, of course, understandable, given his past, but still just really heartbreaking for Lucy.

When I initially watched the five-player-trade episode, I was just waiting for Tim to pop up at Smitty's trailer in his own hazmat suit to help Lucy. I thought he would be a little irritated about Lucy going behind his back, but ultimately I though we'd see him acknowledging and appreciating just how much she was willing to do to make sure he was happy (forget torpedoing her career -- she cleaned Smitty's trailer for god's sake!).

Moving into the V-day episode...

First off, boo on Tim for bailing on V-day breakfast (even is she was up late catching up with Noah 😂).

Even though I understood why Tim was upset, I don't love avoidant Tim (looking at you, beginning of 6x02 Tim 😂). Lucy of course deals with it because she does genuinely love him and understands how he operates, but this is something I do think he needs to work on and I'd like to see change over the course of the relationship. As much as I loved their Rookie-T.O. dynamic, there are definitely aspects of it that don't belong in a healthy relationship.

Back to the point, I do think what Lucy did was misguided and short-sighted (and unbelievably sweet). I do think she should have actually apologized (sorry not sorry doesn't count 😂).

But, while we're at it, Tim can apologize for making a major life decision without talking to her first also... 😂

The scene at the end was cute; I like it better now than I did when it originally aired. Some actual heat over "fuel for later" would have been great but it is, of course, The Rookie. And I do wish they would have made the gift somehow meaningful for them to give the scene a little bit more weight (think when Jackson gave Lucy the St. Michael pendant), but hey, at least we got the trophy this season 🥰.

Ultimately, it didn't make me feel a whole lot, and it's not a scene that makes the list when I think of my favorite moments for them.

And watching it back did highlight (IMO) the contrast between what we've seen so far in season 6 vs. the bulk of what we saw in season 5. And while angst is part of it, for me, I think it's more about giving us a story that (at least occasionally) goes beyond the surface level (Tim was mildly irritated! Lucy was sassy and silly!) and explores the character's emotions in a way that makes them more human and relatable.

What were your thoughts on this storyline??

[amarriageoftrueminds]

*points originally in a tag-dump under another post about* Bucky's goodness + Steve's belief in him 

+ the fact that the superserum worked on Bucky is empirical proof of his goodness:

+ this is also why the serum worked on Isaiah Bradley. + imagine if Isaiah had been made the Winter Soldier instead

Seriously it's a pretty eye-opening thought exercise to put any other character in Bucky's place and see just how poorly he's treated.

Do people really think Steve would hear about a man who had the same magic ‘only works on good people’ juice as him, tortured and enslaved by Hydra for decades… and then just NOT help him?

imagine if you had Sam saying 'Steve this 'Isaiah' guy he's not someone you save he's someone you stop.'

Nat saying 'Steve I know this matters to you but let the police handle Isaiah someone will arrest you if you interfere, it will inconvenience us all.' (LOL Nat have you met Steve who wrote this)

Sam agreeing, 'maybe Nat's right maybe we shouldn't bother helping Isaiah against the police in case they shoot at us,' and dismissing the fact that Isaiah could do good: ‘1945, maybe.’ 

When Isaiah was the guy that pulled Steve out of the river?

(And meanwhile the CIA have given police, that Nat and Sam are telling Steve not to interfere with, orders to shoot Isaiah dead on sight? quelle surprise)

Steve would still be arguing that it should be him to bring Isaiah in, since he's least likely to die trying. 

He would still have put taking down the Insight helicarriers first, and been reluctant (but willing) to dislocate his arm for that very important reason. 

He would still have lifted up the steel beam pinning Isaiah down

(and probably still tried to talk him out of his mind-control, even if he failed.)

imagine if everyone (Sam, Nat, Steve, Sharon, etc.) saw Isaiah -- when mind-controlled -- suddenly demonstrating a drastically different personality

and imagine if Steve and Sam saw Isaiah waking up with amnesia.. then proving his memory of his good, non-WS personality... but Sam was still rude/hostile to Isaiah anyway, insisting he and Steve should not be ‘cool' with him (then telling Isaiah he hates him). 

Tony saying 'I don’t care that Isaiah was mind-controlled he killed my mom imma murder him just to spite you for not trusting me not to murder people.'

imagine if you had the therapist telling Isaiah he needs to be monitored by the state to prove he’s not giving into his innate violence, giving him rules to follow like a child, (and he’s pardoned, not exonerated, meaning he had to admit to crimes he wasn’t responsible for in order to get a modicum of freedom) and that it’s bullshit to suggest Isaiah just wants some peace

Ayo telling Isaiah 'you are free' 😌 as he finally escapes his bondage, watching him cry with relief, then: ‘SIKE! we put a booby-trap in ur limb the trust was a lie.’

Sam cracking jokes about Isaiah's trauma, dehumanizing him as a killing machine 

taking part in a plot where Isaiah has to pretend to be WS, be sold to another human being, and have rape jokes cracked about him, 

but then still being like 'listen Isaiah if you really want to apologise f̶o̶r̶ ̶b̶e̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶ ̶s̶l̶a̶v̶e̶  you should just do the work.' 😔

*event horizon voice* DO YOU SEE? DO YOU SEE?? 😬

[9800sblog]

hongjoong tarot reading

public persona vs real personality

do i have his energy permission to do and share this reading? page of pentacles

fun fact, this my mom's bias!

I didn't write down the cards because I usually get too many in this type of reading as there are many questions being made. but nothing here is difficult to notice in real life and I'm not exposing any secrets, so just trust me bros 🤥

persona

hongjoong is seen as a leader, he wants to be seen as compassionate and friendly, but firm, he wants others to know that there are consequences and he should be feared if need be (this includes everyone, like how he calls out fans if they mess up bad). he tries to look fun, entertaining, of course, and he really tries to become friends with those involving his work, although he has strong boundaries and limits, if necessary. he doesn't let people walk over anyone, and he's the type to follow strict rules and activities but only with ease, but only if he agrees with them. hongjoong thinks it's important to show happiness and contentment on camera no matter what. his job is to fulfill a fantasy, so the way he acts depends a lot on what's the job - photoshoot, stage, live, vlog, etc. in general, he wants to bring happiness and escape to others, he really dives into the idea of ateez being a family. he also shows a lot of respect to traditions and social hierarchies, he often asks advice and listens attentively to his seniors, and is extra polite around different types of people (reminded of him asking permission to touch a fan's face when ateez was doing their makeup). hongjoong's fanservice is nothing unusual, it's easy to understand and identify (at least that's what he thinks), overall he acts like he is impulsive and all fans are incredibly attractive to him, he acts as if he's genuinely got a crush on people (he's a good actor) and he thinks it's part of a game everyone agreed to play, hongjoong might think his fans are very down to earth and realistic, and everyone knows when he's not being genuine (he is wrong), he does think fans lack boundaries and rules and he tries to put them in their place when he can and sees wrong. hongjoong sees fans from a distance, however, he may gloss over social media every once in a while to figure out fan's tendencies but may think looking often is bad for his mental health, even with those fans that have the best intentions (seeing people that don't know him talk about him all the time is bad for his self image, no matter if they're talking good or bad, as it's disconnected from reality either way).

of all members I've read, hongjoong is the most calm when it comes to fan's idea of him, I mean he is mostly known for social fights and his artistic view (very different from seonghwa, who is seen as a woman, literally, and mingi who is seen as a sex icon, those are more harmful to one's mental well-being and the readins reflected that)

personality

work is a HUGE part of hongjoong's personal life, his friends are co-workers, he relaxes by working, he has fun by working, this guy is a fucking workaholic. hongjoong may find some relief in letting other's guide for once, not making decisions or being democratic. his love language may be acts of service and quality time, as he may enjoy doing things/chores when spending time with friends, specially creative ones and mindful discussions. he may act as a sort of therapist for other members and friends hehe for relaxing, he may enjoy spending time with friends and family, anywhere as long as they're together, he gets to get out of his head a bit, his family is his safe space. and likes to think about life in a "glass half full" type of way, to not be overwhelmed by the negativity that all and any things in life can bring, hongjoong likes to focus on the brighter side and what he can do to change the bad side. he enjoys art as well, it's undoubtedly a hobby of his, we don't need tarot to say this haha. hongjoong may enjoy being around children and animals, parks, water spots (rivers, beaches, bridges, etc) or any family related stuff, he may find a type of bliss and see a type of innocence and beauty there that he doesn't anywhere else. hongjoong loves his job a lot, so that's what he does to have fun too kkkkkk he often enjoys being with his members and maybe the trainees in his company, he loves to play games but I think specially mobile games cause you can bring them anywhere. hongjoong loves to study about different aspects of his job, to learn different things about the world outside of seoul and/or korea, he may also be a very spiritual or religious person in privacy as I got some cards related to that. he may have a specific set of moral rules and standards that he likes to follow, believe in and study about. when totally alone, hongjoong feels he can finally be his truest self, his most genuine and raw version, it feels liberating in a way. he does a lot for others in daily life. although he enjoys it, it's nice to have time to look after his own well-being and stability. he's mostly focused on his inner child, making him feel safe and fulfilled. he doesn't care a lot about being alone, definitely not an introvert or a neurodivergent so if you heard any rumors about that 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️ kkkkkkk just joking, I'm being silly 😛😝 but seriously, he doesn't seem to care about being alone, it's nice for a change, he's not the type to be scared of his own thoughts either, he'd just rather be with others because it's fun. when he's alone he may just distract himself, and do whatever there is to do or watch tv, talk to himself. he may like to use alone time to think about himself as an individual too, to try to separate his feelings from others' and, again, may be a bit spiritual!

this is the most stable and calm member I've read, the most consistent energy throughout the entire reading and very comforting in the private section, specially towards the end.

[socialistexan]

I'm so fucking frustrated trying to find resources for myself online. Like I have been diagnosed with ADHD and while I haven't been formally diagnosed* with autism the traits are there and my therapist has agreed I probably am.

But the thing about that those disorders, is that our society most commonly associates them with children and really only children. It's slightly more common now to hear about adult ADHD now thanks to platforms like tiktok (and we could really get into the detriments that come with that some other time), but adult autism still feels rarely talked about outside very insular spaces, especially adult diagnosised ASD.

So like, I've found that my mental well-being has been significantly improved if I take 15-30 minutes out of my workday (I call them my Touch Grass Brakes) and just sit outside with my dog in the sun or rain if it's raining.

So I got curious to see if maybe this was related to autism, because I'm finding out that hey! a lot, but definitely not all, of things I do that I couldn't explain before turn out to be commonly associated autistic traits. I like knowing these things about myself, it gives me clarity.

But when I try to look "hey is needing to be outside for a bit every day an autism thing or a people thing that everyone should do?" all I get is results for children with Autism, or rather resources for parents of autistic children:

Same thing happens with ADHD, like it sometimes takes pages of search results until you find something that isn't necessarily even for adults but just not solely and exclusively about children.

I'm not a fucking child! I need support too! Autistic and ADHD children eventually (at least *should*) grow up into autistic and ADHD adults! Do we just stop needing support after a certain number of spins around the sun?

And like, I'm very low needs. I'd probably be classified as "level 1," but low needs still means I have *some* needs. Idk, it's just frustrating.

*There's a variety of reasons I will not seek a formal diagnosis at least in the near-mid future, including needing access to gender affirming care which can be stripped if you are diagnosed with autism, and it would pad the stats that are twisted by transphobes who try to claim trans people are all poor tricked autistics who need saving.

[randomfandomblabdom]

I wrote this in a rant I posted about my love for Cal and Merrin's relationship recently...

There are several interactions they have in gameplay that I'm lowkey peeved weren't included in cutscenes and one of them is when Cal returns to the Mantis after all but demolishing the ISB, they have this really short but great interaction where Merrin says that if he ever feels that way again, he needs to tell her. She doesn't even ask him to do it, she all but demands it, "If you feel that way again, you will tell me." She's demanding communication from him regarding the darkness and he doesn't fight this demand at all. He agrees to respect this request and I fucking love that from both of them. I will genuinely be kinda upset if we don't get a moment like that in the next game.

...and I want to talk about it more.

Cal's struggle with the darkness in Survivor, especially towards the end of the game, feels very similar to someone struggling to not fall hard into an addiction. At least to me. I'm sure others have interpreted it differently but I'm a little biased because I have struggled with addiction in my life and unfortunately, merely telling someone about it can only go so far in terms of turning your life around or keeping it at bay. If that person is someone you're hoping will help hold you accountable or someone you can talk to if you're struggling, you can't just assume that that person will simply know when you risk completely losing yourself. These types of things can be really easy to hide or difficult to pick up on, they can emerge so slowly to the point that even the person struggling with it doesn't realize how bad it's getting before it's too late. It requires communication between partners/friends (whomever this person is to you) to truly make it work. They know what you struggle with and they'll hopefully be willing to support you through hard times but you also need to put in the work and tell them when you're struggling and when you need that support, you can't just expect them to know how you're feeling or what you need and that goes for many things when it comes to relationships, not just managing addiction. It's scary. It requires being vulnerable about some really hard-hitting and difficult-to-discuss topics. It requires being embarrassed that you maybe fell off the wagon or feel like you're about to. It requires trusting someone with a possibly very dark side of you.

Merrin demanding that Cal communicates with her openly about the darkness he's struggling with feels a lot like she realized upon actually seeing it in action that it's a bit more than she expected and while she's more than willing to walk with him through it if he needs it, she can't be relied on to spot it all the time on her own. It's not a task that can be placed solely on her. That's unrealistic and unfair. Perhaps she thought he was fine going into the ISB if even a bit angry and hurt. They all were. It makes sense that he would be, why would any of that be a sign of this darkness he's afraid of? But she quickly found out that he was much more far gone than she thought and if she couldn't quite pick up on it then, god forbid she doesn't pick up on it should it happen again and it's much worse.

He told her about this fear of losing himself and she took it in kind, told him she'd be there, is willing to support him...etc. but he needs to communicate how he's feeling because even though they joke about it, she can't actually read his mind. Him communicating this to her can help her understand what he might need. I'm not saying she's his mother or therapist or doctor, she's not at all but this is something they need to work together to confront and him being able to openly express things can also help them get ahead of it before it gets to the point of where it was at the ISB. It's a demand that seems to come from a place of love and protection for both him and what they share.

And you know what? I love that he doesn't fight this demand whatsoever. He agrees to it immediately. I think he scared himself honestly. I think he knows that for this to work, he's going to have to be open about it. I don't think even he realized how far gone he was and this communication begins happening in this very game in a moment that I don't think gets talked about enough. When they get to Tanaloor, Cal and Merrin go off to find Bode and during their conversation in gameplay, Cal does express that he feels much hatred towards Bode. There's nothing she can do about how he feels per se but she's aware of it now as they're going into what could be a very, for lack of a better term, triggering interaction. It's a very, very small moment but I think it does show that he's respecting her wishes in terms of communication.

I don't really know how to end this, I have no thesis or whatever, I just needed to express a few more thoughts on that moment and I hope it came out right.

[ironstrange1991]

The Point Of No Return (Part II)

A fanfic slightly inspired by the play The Phantom of the Opera

+18 Smut (a lot) / Angst / Horror (just a bit)

Pairing: Sinister!Strange x Fem!Reader  /  Doctor!Strange x Fem!Reader 

Synopsis:  When a strange and dark man starts to haunt the reader's dreams  her life is turned upside down and she discovers in the hard way that if you can't wake up from the nightmare maybe you're not asleep at all.

Word Count: 4,300k

Warnings: Dark themes! Psychological manipulation, Dubious consent, Mentions of abuse of medications and alcohol, Mentions of injuries and blood, Deception, Stockholm syndrome(?), Sexual content (P in V, masturbation with both receiving, oral sex with both receiving, fingering, physical control, domination, bondage.) 

__________________________

"I have come here

Hardly knowing the reason why

In my mind i've already imagined

Our bodies entwining

Defenseless and silent

Now i am here with you

No second thoughts

I've decided"

You didn't know why you had agreed to go out with Anne. In fact, the idea had sounded pretty silly to you when you saw the message, but after all that had happened, you were feeling too agitated to spend Saturday night alone at home and that would do more harm than good if your intention was not falling asleep.

Anyway, thirty minutes after joining the Karaoke you regretted going. You hated karaoke; you hated the songs that everyone chose wanting to be cool and different when in fact they were always the same songs everybody would pick.

“How are you doing?” Anne asked looking at you while the two guys that came with her had gone out to get drinks and the two girls were fighting each other competing to see who ruined Hotel California better. You didn’t bother to remember their names.

I nodded, lying “I'm better.”

She pressed her lips into a thin line and then spoke what had been on her mind for days.

“Maybe you should see a doctor. You know, it's normal that at some point in life we ​​feel down and sometimes we need medication and talk to someone who understands like a therapist maybe.”

You sighed. You would be lying if you say you didn’t think about that option before. You even googled a psychiatrist who did some interesting research work involving a study of patients' dreams, but the truth is that nothing in the world would give you the courage to talk about the kind of dreams you were having and much worse, reveal who you were dreaming about.

“I'll think about it.”  Was all you said.

She nodded without seem really convinced and then the guys came back.

“Your drink” The blond one with blue eyes handed you a martini glass.

You talked and as much as possible you tried to have fun and forget about your problem and even went a little overboard on drinking, but you realized that being high on alcohol was an interesting way to get rid of constant thoughts. At least for that night it worked.

When the cab finally dropped you home, you struggled with the keys to get the door open, realizing you were a little drunker than you seemed to be when you left the Karaoke.

You did your ritual: left your shoes, putted your bag on the counter, went to the kitchen to make yourself a strong cup of coffee, but you avoided the pills, figuring it wouldn't be a good idea to mix them with the alcohol.

You went upstairs with your coffee and undressed, turned the radio on loud and avoided the bathtub this time, opting for the shower and the cold water.

When you got out of the shower you were feeling more sober and decided to watch something so went back down to the living room. Nothing would make you stay in your room if you didn't intend to sleep. You turned on the TV and put on a new episode of Stranger Things and got distracted by watching it.

You opened the door and the music got louder. You went out into a dark hallway. It was the first time you had left that room and you didn't know what you would find outside.

You heard classical music playing and opened your eyes staring at the ceiling and smelling the scent of dust from the already familiar room. You sighed feeling your heart speeding up. Why were you sleeping again? Why was your plan no longer working?

You sat looking around. There was no sign of him and you decided to get up. It was a stupid idea, but maybe if you could just stay hidden until you woke up you wouldn't have to go through all that.

You went down a long staircase that led to a ruined hall, outside you could see the dark clouds that circled as if they were part of a hurricane and you seemed to be right in its eye.

You walked through the hall noticing that there were many musical instruments around. You stopped by a beautiful black grand piano and without knowing exactly why you did that, you played one of the keys. The noise reverberating through the hall and just like that you knew he would find you.

It was impossible to explain that feeling, but every time you dreamed you felt as if you and he were the only people there. Not just in that wrecked, haunted house, but in that world. Of course, there was no way you could have known that, but there was also no way you could have conjured that place in your dreams since you've never seen anything like that place before.

Well, haven’t you? Looking to the huge round window, you realized that window was identical to the window of the Sanctum Sanctorum where Doctor Stephen Strange lived. That place was like an upside-down version of the Sanctum and the one that was now slowly walking towards you, both hands behind his back, eyes fixed on you surrounding you like a predator surrounding its prey was perhaps another version of Stephen Strange, a sinister version of him.

“No tears this time?”  He asked approaching.

You felt your body tense as he stopped in front of you. His hands still steady behind his back. You knew that tears wouldn’t help you. He always got what he wanted in the end.

He sighed, one hand reaching out to touch your face.

“I have questions” You said firmly stepping back.

He let his hand hover in the air dramatically and smirked.

“I imagine you have.”

You took another step back, increasing the distance between you.

“This is a dream?”

“Do you want it to be?” He replied.

You swallowed the saliva “It’s not what I asked. So, it's not real?”

He took a step towards you and instinctively you took another step back.

He stopped watching you intently.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

He tilted his head slightly to the side studying you

“What do you think?”

You shook your head “I don't know, I think I am dreaming, but... I'm not sure anymore. It feels too real”

“Do you want it to be real?”

You denied. Your heart pounding in your chest. You sighed trying to calm down and a moment later he was behind you, a firm hand on your waist pressing you against his body and the other on your neck pressing lightly.

"I'll rephrase the question" he said, whispering in your ear and deliberately rubbing his goatee against your skin making you shiver.

“Do you want me to be real?”

He lightly bit your earlobe.

“No” You muttered, but you didn't even convince yourself.

He scolded you by increasing the pressure on your neck.

“Let's try again, this time without lying, what do you think?”

You nodded.

He turned his lips to your ear, tongue licking lightly, he murmured sweetly

"Do you want me to be real?"

“Yes” You whispered shyly.

He squeezed your neck even tighter.

“I did not hear.”

“Yes”  You spoke louder.

“Yes, what?”

He wanted to hear you saying.

“I want you to be real.”

He smiled closing his eyes, savoring your answer. He knew you were being honest, you couldn't resist him.

He hummed in your ear

You could feel your eyes filling up with heavy tears.

“I know. You can’t resist me, can you? Don’t fight it.

I can hear your heart beating faster when I am close, your pulse speeding up when I touch you and silently your senses abandoning all defenses.”

 “You already surrendered to me. You've been so good to me. Perhaps I will answer your request. Isn’t it what you want? Have me out of this place? In your world?”

The tears streamed through your face this time not out of fear, but because you knew what he was suggesting wasn't possible. You couldn't have him in the real world. You sobbed understanding how much that realization hurted you.

He released your neck and turned you to face him. You looked down at your feet. He lifted your chin with his fingers and brushed a tear from your cheek.

“What's the problem? Tell me what concern you, my dear.”

You sighed. This was not following the normal script of your dreams. You didn't feel scared like you usually did in his presence. You felt intoxicated by it. You felt yourself floating and falling for him. It was like you was starting to trust him and when he touched you, you didn’t want to flee anymore, you savored the sensation.

“I can see the sadness in your eyes. I didn’t bring you here for this. I want to please you. I want to touch you, to make you feel good.”

You shook your head “You're not real. You can’t do these things because you are not real and it doesn’t matter how much I wanted you to be.”

You wiped your own tears off your face “In the real world Stephen Strange doesn't even know I exist.”

He sighed.

“This place. You. It’s all in my mind.”  The words came out cutted by your sobs. “I created you. I created you because I fell in love with Stephen Strange, but I don't even know him. I've never seen him in person, I just…”

He stared at you waiting for you to finish what you were saying, but you couldn't speak aloud the things you did thinking about Stephen Strange. All those times you found yourself thinking about him. Even in the most inappropriate places, like at work, in the middle of a meeting, you felt lubricated just thinking about him. A man who was kind of a celebrity who had no idea you existed.

He smiled. Not the smirk you were used to, but a smile that seemed sincere.

“You didn't create me, my dear, I'm as real as that Stephen Strange in your world. The only difference is that I love you, I know you, each of your thoughts, each of your desires, your fantasies.”

The way he looked at you as he spoke, as if he could devour you whole with his eyes, his voice purring at you, caressing you with its deep, sensual timbre. His hands cupping both sides of your face, wiping the tears that flowed and the very words he was saying. It all seemed to create a kind of numbness in you, your breathing getting more ragged, and you could feel the desire building between your legs in the form of an insistent wetness you couldn't hide.

And you didn't want to hide it. You didn't want to fight him, not anymore, you wanted to know what it would feel like to give in not only physically but mentally because you were tired of feeling alone, tired of fighting him when all you wanted was to surrender.

He smiled confidently as if he could hear your internal debate. Maybe he could, you weren't sure of anything anymore, nothing beyond the fact that you wanted to be completely and irrevocably his.

His hand moved down your neck, his trembling scarred fingers brushing your collarbone and in a gesture of complete surrender you tilted your neck to the side in anticipation of his touch. He kissed there lightly.

“My love is so soft today”  He sighed in your ear making a shiver run through your whole body “I like it when you resist me, but this way... this is much better. Promise you'll be nice to me this time?”

“Yes”  You answered without hesitation, your voice shaking as much as your body.

“Yes what?”

“I'll be good this time, I promise.”

He sighed satisfied, taking you in his arms bride style. He carried you through the halls of the dark and broken Sanctum and took you into his bed. He undressed you. This time not using magic. He did it slowly savoring the moment while taking off each piece of your clothes. The cold air making your body shiver. You instinctively shielded your breasts with your arms and crossed your legs as he scolded you.

“Don't hide your body from me.” He cooed.

You shook your head, uncrossing your legs. He smiled, gripping your ankles tightly and pulling you close to him at the foot of the bed. He spread your legs admiring you with attentive eyes and licking his lips like a hungry man.

“So beautiful. I'll devour you until there's nothing left of you. This is what you want?”

You licked your lips. The arousal you felt made your hips move involuntarily and you twitched into nothingness in anticipation of his touch.

He took one of your feet and brought it to his shaft that was completely hard under the tunic and you started rubbing it there, stroking it slowly as he moaned in satisfaction.

“Look at you, you're desperate for me to touch you, aren't you?

He held your foot, moving his hips slowly against it.

“Please... please”  You whimpered begging for his touch.

He crawled onto the bed on top of you, the weight of his hips spreading your legs apart. He touched your face and pulled you to his lips. Your hand cupped his face, the other clinging to his hair as you surrendered to the kiss with desire and lust, parting your lips so he could put his tongue inside your mouth.

You moaned between his lips, drawing air back into your lungs as he broke the kiss only to trail his lips down your neck, sucking there hard leaving marks on your skin.

He continued lowering his lips, taking one nipple in his mouth, nibbling and then licking in circular motions, the other hand caressing the other breast, playing with your nipple between his fingers.

You couldn't contain your moans, the desire you felt to have him inside you almost ached between your legs. You brought a hand to your aching core getting a little relief as you rubbed your fingers on your clit in circular movements. You groaned loudly, but he shook his head, pulling your hand away and holding it tight against the mattress.

“No”  He said looking at you  “Only I can touch you, do you hear me? Don't be impatient or I'll have to punish you. Is this what you want, for me to punish you?”

You denied.

He nodded satisfied with his wicked game “Then ask for forgiveness and say you won't do it again.”

You sighed totally surrendered to it “Forgive me Stephen, I won't do it again.”

His eyes narrowed when he heard you calling his name for the first time. He released your hand and gripped your chin tightly  

“I didn't give you permission to call me Stephen, did I?”

You denied biting your lips. The dominating way he spoke turned you on and there was no need to pretend, you liked it.

 “I didn't hear what you said.”

“I'm sorry, I promise I'll be good, please.”

He smiled devilishly “Call me sir.”

You agreed stammering “Yes, sir.”

He kissed your lips  “Good girl. I know this urge you're feeling is painful. I can ease your pain. Just tell me to do it. Tell me how much your need me.”

You moaned “Please sir. I need you.”

He lowered his lips to your belly, biting your skin and licking the spot soon after, and continued down until he reached your bundle of nerves.

He placed a finger inside you, hissing when he felt your wetness.

“My love, you are dripping through my fingers!”

You moaned loudly as you lifted your hips to increase the friction of his fingers “Please…”

"I know, I know." He stuck a second finger in and started fingering you at a very slow pace.

You moaned in frustration “Please sir... I need more.”

He hummed “Too slow? All right, I can go faster.”

He abruptly increased his pace and you screamed at the sensation of being fucked by his fingers at that frantic pace.

“That's how you like it? You're a naughty little whore, aren't you?”

You nodded. Tears streaming down your face as you felt overwhelmed with all the pleasure. He kept his eyes on you the entire time as his fingers worked to get all the pleasure out of you and when he curved them strategically to reach your g-spot you felt the familiar tremor building in the pit of your stomach, but this time it wasn't subtle, it was sudden and you screamed whimpering.

“Oh my God.. I'm going to cum!”

He didn't slow down, his fingers fucked you so hard that your entire body moved with the movement. The sound it made was so obscene it reached your ears triggering you into the visceral orgasm that hit you.

“That's right, good girl.” He cooed “Such a good girl cuming so deliciously on my fingers.”

You kept your eyes closed feeling all the sensations.

He took his fingers from you and came over your body, kissing your belly, going up to your breasts and giving light kisses on your lips.

“Look at me” He asked and you obeyed. Your body relaxed while you were coming down your high. “Open your mouth for me.”

You opened your mouth and he placed two fingers for you to taste yourself.

You sucked his fingers heartily making a pornographic popping noise.

When he took his fingers out of your mouth, you licked your lips obscenely and he smiled in surprise at your behavior.

“You're being so nice to me today. I'm loving this change. Promise you'll be good for now on.”

You nodded “Yes, sir. I promise.”

He smiled in satisfaction, his eyes gleaming with anticipation.

“I want to fuck you hard, but first...”  He took your hand and placed it to his shaft and you caressed his member over his tunic “You'll return the favor, won't you?”

You nodded excited and he knelt on the bed unbuttoning his pants and releasing his fully hard cock. You held it tight moving it up and down and increasing the pace as he groaned loudly.

“What a naughty little girl doing so well for me. Come here, kiss me while stroke my cock.”

You moaned anticipating his lips. You knelt on the bed kissing him and deepening the kiss by placing your tongue on this mouth while your hand kept jerking him.

You were amazed at how loud his moans were and you loved it. You loved the animalistic groans and grunts and moans that scaped his lips. You pulled back for breath and his lips trailed down your neck, biting and sucking hard.

“I'm so hard, my love.” He purred  “It's painful. I need to be inside you now. You're going to be nice and let me fuck you, right? You don't want to see me suffer, do you?”

You denied searching for his lips, giving passionate kisses and moving down to shower his chin and neck with little open mouth kisses. You couldn't help it, the passion you felt for him made you want to please him. All doubt and fear were gone and you realized that you would do anything he asked.

You stared at him biting your lips.

“How do you want me, sir?”

He groaned loudly, your words making his cock throb  “All fours”

You complied by placing your knees and hands on the bed and lifting your hips into the perfect position for him. He groaned freeing himself from his clothes and positioned the head of his cock at your entrance, placing a firm hand on your hip as he entered you with a single deep, hard thrust, moaning loudly.

You gasped. Your body could barely contain all of it inside you. He was huge and you felt so tight.

“Oh my love you're so tight”  He moaned through his teeth “I can feel you stretching and it's so delicious.”

He fully took it off and you twitched into nothingness moaning in protest. He ran the tip over your clit teasingly and turned his luscious head to your entrance and forced until he was fully inside you again and you moaned loudly, moving your hips against him.

“What a naughty little girl wiggling on my cock like that.” He took it off slowly until he was completely out of you and stuffed it all back in with a rough thrust.

“Is that how you like it? Rough?”

You moaned loudly. Your hip had a will of its own and you moved it against his thrusts.

“Yes. I like it when you fuck me hard.”

He hissed hearing those words. He'd fucked you so many times, but this was special. He'd always wanted to have you fully surrendered to him this way and now that he finally got what he wanted he couldn't help but fulfill your request.

He was gripping your waist so tightly it hurted, but you liked the feeling.

He increased the pace of his thrusts, fucking you hard and moaning with each thrust, whispering sweet dirty praises to you.

“You are so delicious, my love. You are doing so well for me. My girl, I know you like my cock. Tell me how much you like it.”

His praise was pushing you to the brink of another orgasm and you needed it. You increased the rhythm of your hips to crash into his frantic thrusts and groaned loudly. The sound of skin against skin was obscene.

“Oh my god, it's so good, you are so good. You will make me cum. Please, sir, let me come.”

He groaned loudly. He was on the verge of his climax and hearing you plead like that only brought him closer. He let go of your hips and ran his hands through your hair, pulling it into a ponytail and holding it tightly in his hands.

He stopped his thrusts and you groaned in protest.

“Do you want to cum?” He asked with that devilish voice “Do it yourself.”

You increased the pace now panting until it exploded inside you.

You moved your hips against him slowly and then you found your courage and started moving faster and faster finding the perfect pace while your moans got louder and louder.

His hand firmly gripping your hair, the other on in your hip, but he just held you, not forcing.

“Oh my god, my god.. this is so good.”

He giggled satisfied “Look ate you, my love, completely surrendered to me.”

Your body relaxed coming down your high and your legs gave in. He let you lie down but tugged your hair as a warning and brought his face closer to yours, speaking menacingly in your ear,

“I'm not done with you yet. Are you listening to me?”

You nodded.

“I did not hear.”

“Yes sir.”

He pulled your hair again and went back to fucking you. Each thrust making the headboard to hit the wall with a loud noise.

His moans grew louder and his breathing more ragged as he used your body to reach his own high. He pushed your head against the mattress keeping you still and the thrusts became more violent and irregular.

“I will fill you with my seed, is that what you want? That I fill you?”

You couldn't speak, so you just babbled whimpering.

“Tell me you love me. I want to hear it, I need to hear it, Tell me you love me.”

“I love you” You whispered as a secret but it was enough for him to hear you. He growled loudly and you felt his hot load spilling inside you. His face close to yours.

“Oh my love, I love you too." He breathed.

You melted with his words as he released your hair and rolled onto his side.

You felt the weariness pulling you into unconsciousness and you knew you were about to wake up and for the first time since it started, you didn't crave it.

He pulled you to his chest stroking your hair. It felt so good, so soft.

"You need to go back now." His voice held a bitterness. It was as if the thought of letting you go hurted him deeply. “Promise me you won't run away from me anymore. All those pills, it's all useless and it makes me angry to see you suffering, fighting me like that.”

You nodded in agreement with him

“Promise me you won't take them anymore.”

“I promise.”

You hold him tight “I don’t want to go.”

He sighed kissing your forehead “I know. I'll be back for you. I always do.”

You woke up and stood staring at the ceiling. Your eyes stung with sudden tears that you tried in vain to hold back. This was different. You weren’t scared, your were sad. You thought about the words you said to him. It felt so true. Were you going crazy? It was the most rational thing to think about after all that.

You got up and went to the kitchen to make yourself a cup of coffee, took two pills instinctively as part of your daily ritual, but found yourself standing with the cup in your hand, staring at the pills in the palm of your other hand.

It was ridiculous. It was all ridiculous, but you realized you didn't want to keep taking those drugs. You convinced yourself that your decision was just for your health and also because they weren't working at all, but in the back of your head you knew you were fulfilling the promise you made to him minutes a go.

Damn it! It really felt like it was just a minute a go. You closed your eyes letting the tear coming down your face. Remembering his touch, his kisses. You were falling for him.

“Great, now I'm really fucked.”

Writer Note: Part II took me some time to write, but I really hope you enjoy it. This one is really smutty, but kinda sad too. Part III will come sometime by next week. ;)

------------------------------------

Part 3 already posted. You can read it HERE

MASTERLIST

Tag list: (If you want to be tagged in my fics just tell me)

@drstrangesgirl91 @polytheatrix @dragonqueen89 @newtsniffles @strangelockd @evelynrosestuff @cute-angi @aisling1985 @whiskeyho @prix19 @graveyzxbabe @kirithradilitirio

[izzyspussy]

@fallenangelontheceiling not responding on the post because I don't agree and I don't want to be annoying in OP's notes.

I do agree that Jamie isn't really an "angry person" (although to be frank, I don't think anyone is an "angry person" anymore than a person is, say, a "problem child"). I don't think he has much of a natural temper, sure. And he had a little less reason to be mad at Nate because he wasn't around to bond with him when he first started coaching. I also think at the time Nate was coaching for Richmond, Jamie was kind of full-up on emotional goings-on and he didn't really have the space to connect with anyone who wasn't already important to him or that specifically sought him out. And at the same time Nate was certainly not seeking anyone out, because he was struggling over his feelings of inadequacy and abandonment. So there's that, those are some reasons I guess I could agree Jamie might not have been as upset at Nate as everyone else.

So I don't think he's "struggling to maintain" his anger at Nate, I think he might have slightly less of it due simply to the fact that he and Nate were never that close. Also the fact that he looked away... I mean, maybe he was just looking where he was going lol. I don't think that's the right way to describe this, because I don't think he would try to make himself feel something he doesn't. He's as angry as he is, no more no less. He's already said before he doesn't do what everyone else does, he does what Jamie Tartt does.

I wasn't aware as per your note that we don't see him getting freaky on the pitch because he's sitting out, so like OP I also thought he was behaving while even Sam wasn't. But I attributed that more to the fact that Jamie is autistic very focused on whatever he's previously decided he's going to do, and yes clearly the team did not discuss that they were going to go fucking haywire and he didn't get The Signal so he just... didn't get that aggressive because it was previously established he's only aggressive (on the pitch) under very particular circumstances.

What I really disagree with is like. I think a lot of people really strip Jamie's character (and Roy's for that matter) of any traits that are threatening or unpleasant. But he meant the things he said and did in season one, or at least did and said them with intent. That post talks about how he's only mean and pushes people because he's scared of the other shoe, which in some cases I would agree is probably true, but I would say only specifically with authority figures. Or maybe even more specifically with unfamiliar male authority figures (like Ted). Sometimes he's mean and pushes people because he's mean and pushy. Not everything he ever does that people don't like is due to his Tragic BackstoryTM. He's not just a prick because he's "scared and his father conditioned him". He's also a prick because he's a prick.

(There are other posts by other users that do this much worse than this post could even dream of, which I actually kind of Take Issue with because I find it quite a patronizing way of thinking about victims. We actually do have, like. Personalities. in addition - and sometimes even totally unrelated! - to the Backstory. Jamie was not created in his trauma's image.)

I also don't think he's quite emotionally aware enough to recognize similarities between him and Nate's situations at this stage, and I don't think he'd be very likely to think through that the players don't deserve to be punished for their coach's behavior without being prompted at least a little bit. He's been to therapy; he isn't a therapist. He didn't go apeshit on West Ham because he wasn't told he should (or could), and that's all. In my professional opinion.

[noa-ciharu]

Subaru gets drunk and makes it Karen's problem crack fic

Thanks to Twitter idea of Karen making mistake of her life and inviting Subaru out for a drink wormed into my mind. Ofc I was insane enough to buy Smirnoff, get tipsy myself and write this crack fic. Absolute insanity, Subaru gets wasted for first time and can't shut up about dick he's not getting

Broke is fixing Subaru, woke bullying Seishirou and bespoke bullying Subaru (and Karen who has to deal with this depressed repressed horny drunk for first time in his life light-weight gay mess)

I even made a moodboard for drunk Subaru :D (fic is below)

Karen took a sip of her drink and leaned into bar stool. She side-eyed her drinking partner who was in sorry state after just one shot, sighed and wondered how she roped herself into this mess in the first place.

For past few weeks she’s been stopping by Seal’s dorm on semi-regular basis; just to make sure kids were alright, as much as circumstances allowed. Every now and then she ran into Subaru there; one needn’t be a genius to figure out guy was moping non-stop. He could use a shoulder to cry on, good dicking down or getting wasted, Karen diagnosed; as they were mere acquaintances she kept those thoughts private. Rest of Seals were children, of course they couldn’t offer too much reassurance to adult who by all indications went to hell and back; on other hand Karen barely knew anything about Subaru’s private life, hence it wasn’t her place to tell him what to do.

Alas, during today’s visit Karen ran into Subaru again. If possible he was in even worse state than usual. After battle with other side’s Kamui yesterday their Kamui was in yet another coma; maybe Subaru was extra down in dumps because of Kamui’s state or maybe for having noone to mop together with. Something about friendship goals. Really, if that’s how Kamui was emotionally relying on maybe they should all book graveyard spots on time; so much for emotional support, Subaru couldn’t even support himself.

Either way, Karen took pity and invited Subaru out for a drink. He looked like he needed a few. Impulsive decision but then again, she didn’t expect him to say yes anyways; mere courtesy, so she could tell herself later on that she at least tried bonding with third adult in their group. Imagine her shock when he agreed right of the bat – and even suggested that drinking night is tonight.

That’s how they ended in a pub close to Clamp campus. And that’s how after first drink Karen began questioning all her life choices that led her to the point where she had to play a bartender therapist to this melancholic therapist by occupation who happened to be in dire need of real therapist.

Subaru slumped over counter after just one glass of sake. He toyed with glass’ rim, looked like he was about to cry. Karen internally cursed herself again; cursed Subaru as well for putting her in awkward situation. Just what could happen to a man to reduce him to this moping mess? Love problems? Shitty life situation? Poverty? No, he was head of prestige clan, no way he had money issues. Death in family? Possibly given how he related to Kamui’s tragic losses. Karen hopped it ain’t that one; she could deal with love problems, her line of work made her more perceptive of any underlining emotional issues.

She dealt with countless types of men before, only natural Karen was confident she could handle a melancholic repressed gay.

Karen had no idea how wrong she was.

“Is this your first time trying sake? How do you like it?”, she tried with small talk. Had to start somewhere.

“I miss him”, Subaru murmured wistfully, completely ignored her question. Actually there was no need for verbal answer at all, his reaction spoke volumes.

Ah shit here we go. Karen took a sip of gin, mentally prepared herself for another round of soft parenting an emotional messed up man; only difference from her clients being that this one had zero interest in getting into her pants, just the opposite – wanted someone to get into his. Maybe Subaru needed both to get wasted and laid. Surely that combination would fix him.

“Miss who?”

“Seishirou-san…”

Like name meant anything. Karen said nothing at first, nursed her drink and waited for Subaru to elaborate. He didn’t. Just kept on yearningly gazing at almost empty glass as if that was his ex. Unbelievable. Karen definitely needed another shot; preferably something strong. For longest time she assumed there was noone with more internalized issues than her but next to Subaru she felt like common sense on two legs.

“Your ex boyfriend I assume?”, she asked finally in hope of breaking awkward silence. What to say, amazing drinking buddy.

“It’s… complicated”, Subaru murmured.

Of course it is, otherwise they wouldn’t be here. God forbid anything was simple with this mess in adult form to her left. Karen sighed and took a shot of dry gin. Ugh, so heavy on stomach, throat stung – exactly what she need to survive a night.

“If only we d-dated back then ... at least he would have dicked me down good”, Subaru complained with same face and tone one might use to describe weather.

Good thing she wasn’t drinking anything, otherwise she would have spit it all out. Listening to prestige clan head drunk whining he’s not getting enough sex surely wasn’t on Karen’s to-do list. Who would have thought someone as refined and modest as Subaru was just a repressed hormonal mess in a worn out coat and Balenciaga turtleneck; money surely wasn’t an issue but everything else was. Beware the quiet ones indeed. Karen had a hunch Kamui was following Subaru in steps. At least boy had higher chances of getting laid given how his battles with other Kamui looked.

“How do I get him to fuck me?”, Subaru yelp a tad bit too loudly and captured everyone's attention. Great, now everyone knew she was drinking with a gay man; so much for hoping for a peaceful night without getting hit on. So much for that. On brighter side maybe some of those suitors would try wooing Subaru instead of her.

“How much submissive and breedable I need to become?”, he complained further and reached for a glass. None of those words were in bible.

Instead of picking the glass up Subaru flipped it over; alcohol poured over counter. Subaru murmured sorry and cleaned the counter – with bare hand. Unbelievable. Never before has she seen such light-weight. But then again, that depended on food intake and general experience with alcohol; not only Subaru had none but also he struck as someone to live on ramen and tea.

There was no other - this night is mistake of a lifetime. All the men of quality were either taken or gay but Karen wasn’t really sure where to put Subaru there. Of quality part was… disputable.

Karen fetched a napkin and shoved into Subaru’s hand. He thanked her and managed to clean the counter before bartender showed up. If someone told her she’d be babysitting a twenty something man she would have laughed in their face. And yet here she was, doing precisely that.

Alas, consideration got the best of her - “Are you alright Subaru-san?”

“No, I need him to destroy me”

“Like in sheets or in streets?” - Karen asked hesitantly, unsure if she actually wanted to know.

“Yes”, Subaru deadpanned.

Yes, she definitely didn’t want to know.

Bartender walked to their side of bar. Karen took a moment to get herself another shot; heaven knows she’ll be needing it. Subaru also took note of that, apparently he wanted another round too. Karen was torn between being only responsible adult here and letting ambulance take Subaru home. Not to deny it, temptation to do the latter was high.

“Another one of these transparent things”, Subaru asked assuredly, like there weren’t dozen of spirits that fit that description.

“What?”

In turn Subaru raised glass up to bartender’s face to clarify - “This”

Glass was empty.

Karen wished second-hand embarrassment was strong enough to kill them both. Alas, it wasn’t.

“Just get him something light”, she cut in before Subaru could order Smirnoff and end up in newspapers.

He eased cigarette pack out of coat and lit one. Offered her one as well; she accepted. Subaru took a drag, then sighed and leaned against the counter. His expression was… tragic, to say the least. Really, he looked like his whole family died or something; despondency so primordial one couldn’t imagine him not being sad. Maybe she underestimated herself when she invited Subaru out; maybe this truly was a mess in human form that couldn’t be fixed - just made worse. Challenging but not impossible.

Subaru sighed, raked fingers through hair and took another puff. “Like all the repressed horniness of all these years struck me at once”, he whined and shook head in utter disbelief.

Ah, classic case of depressed repressed mid twenties man. Guy who wanted to believe he can’t keep own needs in check all until he could no longer – and that’s how all kinks known and unknown to mankind get unleashed. Karen had the unfortunate of meeting fair share of those in her line of work but something told her Subaru was league on his own.

“I must get railed before the dawn or I’ll die out of sexual frustration”

Noone ever died of that – Karen almost countered but kept argument behind teeth. Never say never and she’d rather not be the one to break the news to Seals, let alone explain why one fo their strongest met his maker and that he’s nowhere pure and demure as he appeared. How can she tell Aoki only other “adult” in group died because he didn’t get dicked down? Karen facepalmed and reached for her drink; it simply wasn’t doing it for her, she was still too sober for this.

On other hand, finding Subaru a man for the night could turn out to be interesting. Despite being the absolute worst drunk ever, he was still attractive; plus that horny sad puppy dog look would only allure sugar daddies like moth to the flame. Sure, he’s not yet over his ex but nothing a good fuck couldn’t fix.

“Best way to get over a man is to get under another. I’m sure we can find you something here”, Karen offered back and hoped Subaru will be sensible about his choices. Who knows where his ex even was? Would he even want Subaru back? Really, the sooner he gives dating others a try the higher chances of recovering from this ridiculous obsessiveness were.

And of course – curing the pinning diaster gay syndrome. But Karen didn’t have high hopes of that ever being fixed.

“I don’t want something”, Subaru protested right away. Because of course he would; of course nothing in Karen’s life can go easy, not even finding a drinking buddy. She was here to have a good time and what did she get? Role of a babysitter. Karen couldn’t wait until Sorata and Yuzuriha twenty so she could take them out drinking, they’d be far more interesting company.

“I want… him” – Subaru added yearningly and glanced up, kicked puppy look on face.

Karen was half tempted to ask just who that guy was so she could meet that ultimate alpha male capable of causing this much psychological damage. Whoever that guy is he is a pro at ‘making him worse’ for sure. Karen didn’t dare ask what they broke over about; no amount of dry vodka would make her forget.

“His dick or nothing” - Subaru puffed with absolute firmness and reached for tequila. Damn, she told bartender to bring him something light; couldn’t blame the guy for wanting to profit on someone like Subaru who’ll surely give a big tip.

Now Karen had to meet this ‘Mr. magical big dick’ guy. Frankly speaking, taking Subaru’s sorry mental and emotional state into account she has a hunch big dick title would be more allegorical derogatory one than literal. Not like she could ask Subaru just how endowed his ex was.

“How do you know his dick is so good when you never felt it?”

The moment words left Karen’s lips she knew she fucked up. Subaru whimpered and teared up immediately; sniffed once more and rubbed eyes with back of hand. Great, now on top of being messy horny drunk he’ll turn into sobbing one, cry a river here and get them permanently banned from this bar. She loved this place!

Rule no.1: never remind Subaru that he never got fucked by his bastard ex.

“I know it’s good. I know it…”, Subaru sniffed further, sulked and took a smoke so deep he started coughing.

Rule no.2: never bring his ex’s bedroom skills he didn’t even get taste of into question.

“Alright alright, whatever you insist”, Karen tapped his back and changed the topic. “How he looks like? Maybe we can find someone similar”

“He’s hot”, Subaru purred out, love-struck look on face. Unbelievable.

Rule no.3: just play on a safe side and never ask Subaru anything about his ex. It’s for mutual benefit.

Being so dazed Subaru didn’t notice where he wasn't putting out his cigarette; so he ended up dowsing it on back of own hand. He hissed at first, then closed eyes and moaned. Karen hoped she heard it wrong due to loud music but pleasured look on Subaru’s face betrayed everything.

“Damn that felt so good, I wish he’d do that to me”, he moaned once more, completely unabashed.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that”

True she could be quite kinky herself when partner whets her appetite but it seemed Subaru’s masochistic possibly fatal kinks had no limits. Awkward really. All in all now she was entirely sure she and Aoki were only adults among Seals.

Subaru chugged remaining tequila, hissed and raised empty glass up in air. Karen regretted not bringing a camera or something just so she could show a sober Subaru how loose his drunk self is. He’d wish Earth opens and swallows him whole so he’d get drink to forget and only open a vicious cycle. Also it’d serve a good advertisement what happens when you’re leading a repressed depressed life as a gay man. Kamui needed to see this cautionary tale and world will get saved immediately.

He sighed again with pensive look. “His shoulders are so wide he has to walk sideways through doors”, Subaru praised (or so Karen assumed although there was nothing admirable about being built like a triangle?) his ex and raised empty glass to lips. Then pouted once he realized no alcohol was left. Karen tried visualizing Subaru’s ex but all that her mind came up with was a red colored triangle; red as all the flags this disaster gay must have missed.

“Damn I wish he lends me that shoulder to put legs on whenever I’m sad”

Wait, wasn’t phrase to shoulder to lean on? Whatever makes Subaru happy she gue – wait wait, is that even possible for him? Karen tried visualizing Subaru happy but image came just as easy his absolute green flag ex boyfriend.

Meaning things didn’t add up. “But you’re always sad?”, she addressed Subaru with puzzled look.

“Precisely”

Karen glanced at all alcohol bottles in distance. Maybe if she chugged them all she won’t remember any of Subaru’s ramblings. Apparently bartender noticed her look as he returned to their counter.

“Boy, shot of jack” – she ordered right away. God knows she’ll be needing it. Plus bill is on Subaru’s tab so more reasons to get absolutely smashed. Karma.

“And for me -”

“- only thing you’re getting is water Subaru-san”

She was referring to him with ‘san’ only due to clan head title; given what Karen saw and heard so far ‘kun’ would be far more appropriate.

Subaru moped a bit at being denied more alcohol. Although who was she to tell him, a grown up (however just in name and ID card that should get revoked) man, when enough is enough? For some reason Subaru listened to her; for whole five minutes however before he ordered another gin. He chugged it before bartender even put drink on the counter.

Karen stared. Karen blinked. Utter disbelief. No, let it all go to hell. She chugged her shot too. If she gets wasted to then she won’t have to hold Subaru’s head over canal when alcohol poisoning kicks in. Heaven help Seals if Angels attack tonight, they’d be two commanders down. Although Subaru could use some of those homoerotic battles to get pent up frustrations out of system, just like -

“Kamui is constantly getting licked, choked and homoerotically pinned to the wall by his enemy with benefits” – Subaru vocalized her precise thoughts. If Kamui is tossing and turning in bed now it’s because of Subaru’s repressed envy. So much for dream friendship.

“God I wish it was me”, he moaned and rubbed cheek on bar’s counter. Maybe he was crying, Karen couldn’t tell from where she was sitting.

Karen chuckled silently to herself and took a sip of jack. For a moment she felt pity for him. Sympathy lasted until Subaru opened mouth to spout next insanity.

“Oh Seishirou-san, who you’re murdering tonight? Why it isn’t me?”

She spit drink out.

Stupor was brief however. Self-preservation kicked in, she gaped at Subaru and screamed - “What?!”

Now it was Subaru’s turn to be confused. “What?”, he addressed her with judging look, like he was in position to judge anyone here. “He’s Sakurazukamori, that’s his business”

If God truly existed he was watching this and laughing his ass off somewhere in heaven. Karen facepalmed and groaned for nth time tonight. She was worried her face will permanently deform from all the cringing. So Subaru was fooling around with his clan’s enemy clan; an infamous assassin to the boot. Suddenly Karen wasn’t so keen on meeting man who ruined Subaru’s life anymore; she liked to call that having self-preservation skills and common sense. Unlike disaster in human form to her left that was whining about not being dicked down by a serial killer.

Maybe other side’s Kamui had a point – apocalypse was a dire need.

“What are you two, Japanese version of Romeo and Juliet?”, Karen deadpanned once initial shock wore off. She’ll still be processing this information in weeks that follow with Lotus, for her sanity.

“If only, then he’d both take me and take me out”, Subaru complained for nth time. Karen had a hunch their relationship was fuck-marry-kill on endless spiral.

Oh well, you know the saying – bad boys are hotter then good ones. True Sakurazukamori ruined Subaru’s life but at least Subaru could say a sexy man ruined his life. Wait, what nonsense was she saying? Oh looks like alcohol final got to her.

Good. She took another sip for good measures. The less she remembered the better.

Subaru chugged another shot. He hissed and leaned back into seat – unfortunately way too far. He fell down from stool. Shit, she should help him up, shouldn’t she? But if she got up now balance would betray her too. Plus he deserved some karma, in Karen’s humble opinion. Luckily for them both some guy rushed to Subaru’s rescue. Knight in shining armor and if everything played out right also a dick provider for the night. Karen lost all hope there was a permanent fix for Subaru’s endless pile of issues but some railing will make him forget about his serial killer ex for a night.

Or not apparently. Subaru glanced up at guy, then murmured wistfully – “Seishirou-san?”

The hell no. For a second Karen was worried that was really the Sakurazukamori and that she’ll be reduced to a tombstone for daring to put Subaru into environment where other men can hit on him (look, nothing told her Sakurazukamori was just as obsessed with Subaru as Subaru with him but she just knew, call it woman intuition) but one look at guy’s face informed he was just as confused as she was. Apparently Subaru’s intoxicated mind could still discern normal men from his red flag ex so he stood up on his own and pushed this dejected guy away. So much for finding a replacement, looks like Subaru’s type were guys with body count.

“No wait, I think he’s in left corner actually”, Subaru murmured and pointed that direction. Karen glanced and noticed yet another tall menacing looking guy.

“Oh fuck me and my life”, Karen cursed under breath.

Great, now rest of night will be one paranoid mess induced by Subaru’s horny disaster gay mind hallucinating his ex in every corner. From corner of eye Karen noticed bartender nearing. She waved his way.

“Boy, shot of Smirnoff. Actually make it three”

~ 🍾 🍾 🍾 ~

After who knows how many more shots, complains about not getting any cock, asking for advice on how to change that, hallucinating his ex some more, breaking three glasses, almost getting kicked out, rambling some more about his ex and spending month’s worth of salary in one night Karen finally took Subaru out of bar. She held arm around his waist so he doesn’t collapse. To be fair she too was tipsy but still in far better shape.

“Look, a sakura tree”, Subaru whimpered like a child and pointed towards said tree.

After listening to all the drunken ramblings and things she’d rather not recall Karen came to a conclusion: someone should revoke Subaru’s adult rights. It’s misleading to think of him as grown-up.

For a bit she wondered what to do with this soon-to-be-throwing-up mess that potentially needed ambulance as ride home. Obviously she couldn’t leave drunk as high hell Subaru in the middle of street. If he gets kidnapped, injured or dies in some alley out of alcohol poisoning what will she tell Kamui? That his emotional support died because he was thirsting too hard over some emotionally unavailable dick?

She spied taxis on other side of the street. Alright, maybe she should make sure Subaru makes it home and then have same taxi continue the ride and take her home too. Heaven knows how much she craved comfort of her bed and -

“I think I’ll take Subaru-kun from here on” – low masculine voice cut her mussing short.

Karen swirled around in a flash; self-preservation was how she survived in risky line of work all these years. Tall man, dressed in black; he had sunglasses on at 2am - cringe. Instinct told Karen this guy was nothing but bad news. Apparently Subaru didn’t share the sentiment as he flew into guy’s embrace; arm wrapped possessively around his waist in a flash, grin on guy’s face. So much for learning on mistakes, Subaru charged at red flags like a bull.

“Seishirou-san…”, Subaru murmured and gazed yearningly at 26th ‘Seishirou’ of the night.

Now, whether this one was actually Sakurazukamori or not Karen really had no means of knowing. Triangle built checked out; one could build a bird nest on those shoulders. Also this guy seemed to know Subaru? Maybe? Or maybe not? What Karen knew for sure is that her vision was blurring too much; mind hazy, she couldn’t think too coherently. Plus this guy really did look like a potential serial killer, she didn’t want to mess with him.

But Subaru surely did want to. His type after all.

Alas, consideration part of who she is. She had to ask - “And you are?”

“Noone you should concern yourself with”

That was only reply she got before that guy turned around and strolled away – with Subaru cuddled to his side. Karen numbly watched them roam into crowd. Good, she got rid of Subaru. She’d rather give up drinking for whole year than ever let this night make a repeat. She needs to avoid being left alone with Subaru in the future because that would be bound to get awkward. Oh well, problems for future her. For now she could go home and -

Wait wait wait – she just let wasted defenseless Subaru go with a total stranger! Stranger that’s highly likely to be feared assassin and Dragon of Earth!

Fuck, what does she say to Seals!? That she let Subaru follow his obsessive horny dream and ended up in some ditch? Damn, she fucked up big time. She let Subaru wander off with a guy that’s potentially Sakurazukamori!

Even if he wasn’t, killing Subaru in such state would be child’s play. Great, now she’ll be responsible for disappearance of one of Seals, head of Sumeragi clan to the boot. She could already envision seeing Subaru’s face in newspapers for new few months. But then again, could she be blamed really? She’d drunk as high hell herself, hence in no position to stop that guy from taking Subaru away. Not to mention, Subaru was quite content leaving with him – maybe he’ll finally get his wish for being dicked down by Sakurazukamori granted.

Or maybe not if he ends up throwing in guy’s lap. If that doesn’t get Subaru killed then Sakurazukamori must be just as head over heels for him. Because God knows Karen was tempted n numerous times tonight to challenge him to ‘chugging whole Smirnoff bottle’ potentially fatal challenge; for mutual benefit.

Still, Karen was sure of one thing: if Subaru survived they’ll both pretend this night never happened.

[itsclydebitches]

Oh, when I talked about flop era for Ted I meant for him as a person. I think he should have been a great coach and more involved with the team, I just also think that “my ex wife is dating OUR marriage counselor” is a big, giant bomb that cannot be resolved with positivity. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want a “Ted finally snapped” plot line, but Michelle dating their therapist is such a huge betrayal that dropping it like they did is just… uhhh. It’s rushed and it doesn’t change Ted at all. But it would change most people.

And Michelle dating the counselor is not just a betrayal of Ted, it’s a dangerous situation that can get the counselor not just fired, but he can (and should) loose his license. It’s a big deal. If he wasn’t their counselor but say, Ted’s good friend or Michelle’s childhood best friend or something and they started dating behind Ted’s back? The resolve would be appropriate. Because it hurts but it is also none of Ted’s business. But the counselor…… it’s a very dramatic plot line and Ted did not react to it properly. And that’s just one of the examples of Ted having a hard time. I’d argue that he also needs to accept that he is in fact a good dad, even if he left, and that Henry is not suffering without him.

OH my mistake, anon. Yes, full agree on that. 95% of the time I think Ted Lasso does an excellent job of navigating hard-hitting issues, but there are two choices that made me do a shocked double-take: Rebecca dating Sam and Michelle dating their therapist. To be honest I'm not a huge fan of the writing choices themselves - I think it would have worked just as well/better to end the Rebecca and Sam situation at the restaurant reveal, highlighting the pitfalls of these anonymous dating apps, and Ted could have struggled with Michelle moving on with anyone appropriate - but if we HAD to have these conflicts... at least engage with those issues fully? As you say, this is a huge deal and the story really doesn't acknowledge that. It actually makes me a little mad that the takeaway message is, "Ted needs to let his ex-wife go" and not "Ted is rightly pissed that a professional he trusted and his ex-wife betrayed him like that and that anger is hindering his growth but damn, can you blame him?" Yes, Ted does need to let Michelle move on (and move on himself) but the ability to do that is highly influenced by the fact that she's DATING THEIR THERAPIST. The same way I wanted characters like Keeley to go, "Uh... Rebecca, age difference aside, should you really be dating one of your players?" instead of this blanket support that doesn't engage with the problems in that relationship, I wanted characters to support Ted with a, "Holy shit, that's massively fucked up and he's definitely in the wrong. Here's how you can move past this while still acknowledging the difficulties of that situation." Instead we jump straight to, "Jeez, Ted, stop making assumptions about Paris."

So yeah, I wanted more from that in pretty much every respect. More of a reaction from Ted, yes, but considering that we did kinda get an extreme reaction (wanting to hire a private detective) at least more of a reaction from the cast/the narrative and an acknowledgement of what Ted is reacting to: not just Michelle moving on, but moving on with him. Even if it doesn't lead to any punishment-like resolution (such as the removal of his license) I think everyone should acknowledge how fucked up that is. How does Michelle defend that choice? How does Jacob? Why is Beard only getting annoyed at Ted instead of showing that insane defensive streak we've seen from him? Everyone's up in arms over the assumption that Henry was bullied (horrible, but pretty standard for most kids at one point or another), but no one cares that Ted is going through that frankly insane situation? Why are they all acting like this is a totally normal case of an ex moving on??

WHY IS NO ONE ACKNOWLEDGING THAT TED WORKED SO HARD TO OVERCOME HIS BIAS AGAINST THERAPY AND NOW JACOB HAS GONE AND (from Ted's perspective) PROVEN HIM RIGHT? I personally would have liked an arc where Ted backslides in that regard. Shannon is less available now and her assistance is a distant memory in the face of this new conflict, Jacob has "proven" that therapists are useless and untrustworthy, and Ted is failing to move on specifically because he wonders if he and Michelle might have rebuilt their marriage without his involvement. I mean, how hard was he really trying while falling for his client? Did he actively sabotage them? After all, why would he have tried his hardest to help them through their problems when he wanted Michelle for himself? And now this man--both accurately and inaccurately built up as a villain in Ted's head--is encroaching on Henry, trying to "steal" the role of dad while Ted is over in London and can't do anything about it. (Because yeah, full agree about Ted being a great dad, but I think he'd need a reminder of that under these circumstances, especially after his own father's suicide).

Ugh yeah, I obviously have a lot of thoughts about that choice. Ted deserved to work through his divorce and Michelle moving on... but with a hell of a lot more nuance if you're going to introduce her new lover as their marriage counselor. The arc we got works fine for any other new boyfriend, but not that.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

idk who else to tell abt this bc i still have Some Degree Of Shame Around These Things (hence anon, also), but i got my first pelvic exam in like six or seven years done today! it was also supposed to be a pap but i have vaginismus and it was too painful to actually get the pap done, but i at least tried to and i got the external exam done. i have a lot of Issues around that sort of thing (plus a bad experience with the only other gyn i've seen, at that first pelvic exam) but i talked it over with my therapist and we agreed i should give it a shot and it went decently! the doctor felt really bad that we couldn't get the pap or bimanual portions done but i'm not super concerned abt the pap aspect anyhow (gardasil vaccine plus never having been able to have penetrative sex puts me at a fairly low risk for HPV all in all), so i still consider it a successful appointment

hey, this is great! I'm really glad not just that you consider it a successful appointment, but that both you and your doctor were both able to recognize your limits and not push you beyond what you could handle. finding the courage to get an exam in the first place is a huge accomplishment all by itself, and honoring boundaries is also something to be proud of! I'm really glad to hear it, and I'm always down to hear about people's healthcare victories :)