#b) people can have fluid identities or pronouns or experiment with their identities

[mythicalcoolkid]

"Noooo what if this person is actually cis and only using they/them for clout???" CIS PEOPLE ARE ALSO ALLOWED TO USE THEY/THEM

[cazort]

lol do you want a prize for knowing bi people aka people who are attracted to both sexes exist? they're the only ones with the capacity to be sexually 'fluid' and care about 'gender' in their attraction. gay and straight people are exclusively attracted to the same/ opposite sex respectively, no matter what ephemeral gender someone id-s as. my country doesn't have gendered pronouns and guess what none of that idiotic non-binary ideology here lol, everyone's a they! people are just masculine and feminine yet understand that as a sexually dimorphic species we can never detach ourselves from our sex and our bodies. you just believe in some esoteric regressively heterosexist mind-body dualism at this point. ofc people have preferences for masculinity or femininity, but are ultimately attracted to sex as every scientific source will confirm, including those that are trans-inclusive. het aka female-attracted transwomen have neurologically identical brain phenotypes to regular het males, and it's the same with female heteros who id as trans (study by Manzouri & Savic, 2018) meanwhile gay people share the same brain patterns, trans-identified or not. this proves both that sexuality is solely based on sex and that 'transness' or I suppose the mental illness if gender dysphoria isn't neurologically innate as homosexuality evidently is. either objective science which already tried and failed to justify trans innateness is 'transphobic' or trans rhetoric is just anti-scientific and homophobic.

This is such a trash perspective that I almost wanted to just delete it without mention because on some level I think it's not really worth engaging with.

But then I had second thoughts because I realized (a) there is value in letting my followers know that people out there send this kind of stuff in asks (b) I'm confident enough not to let comments like this get to me, but I know that a lot of LGBTQ people are not as confident. So I thought, hey, maybe I could let people know why I think this sort of ask is bullshit.

The one tip-off about this ask is that it has a condescending tone from the start. It's not worth engaging with people who insult you or show contempt, as this ask does. Which is why I'm not talking to the ask, I'm talking to you, my followers. This ask is from someone I don't want to engage with, and don't think it's worth engaging with. If they were a person I knew in person, I would block them or cut them out of my life.

It's important to have diversity of perspectives, and it is valuable to listen to people with different viewpoints from your own, but in our world, with all the people and perspectives out there, there is no need to ever listen to someone who approaches you in a disrespectful or condescending way as this ask does. What makes this ask so condescending? It isn't trying to listen to me or understand me, it's just telling me I'm wrong. Take note, and don't do it, people. Don't treat other this way, and when people treat you this way, don't interact with them.

As for the perspective itself, it's deep in flawed binary reasoning. I know human sex is not a binary because I have close friends who are intersex. I also know science, I have a pretty strong background myself. I read articles like this 2015 one in Nature, which explain the growing scientific consensus that human sex is not a binary.

On top of this, the perspective equates trans identity and experience with mental illness, which is a common right-wing anti-trans talking point, but is not backed by evidence, and which is being rejected by a growing consensus of medical professionals. This is why the DSM has moved away from diagnosing trans identity as a disorder or mental illness, and instead treated gender dysphoria as the disorder or condition, independently of trans identity. For an explanation of the reasoning behind this, check out this 2017 article in Scientific American.

This ask goes even farther though in its nutcase level of reasoning, in a way that makes it look like a bad-faith argument, and this is that it is trying to spin non-binaristic and trans-inclusive or pro-trans viewpoints as "homophobic". This is a play or strategy to try to elicit sympathy and/or guilt-trip people into listening to or caring about the perspective. Like the idea is, because of the solidarity between LGBTQ people with different identities (such as gay and trans), and the strong negative connotation on homophobia in progressive culture, people are sometimes able to bully or guilt-trip people into submission by accusing them as being homophobic by holding whatever view they do. This person is trying to get me to think I'm being homophobic by virtue of acknowledging nonbinary identity or trans identities more broadly, or even the fluidity of sexuality.

A lot of the reasoning in the ask is focusing on things that to me seem largely irrelevant. For example the ask seems to be obsessed with the idea of whether or not sexual orientation or trans identity is "innate", whatever that means, and it seems to assume that sexuality is "innate" but gender identity is not. Not only does this perspective not mesh with the wide range of scientific research I've read on this topic, but it also seems largely irrelevant. Whether or not something is innate vs. learned or culturally influenced or socially constructed, does not say anything about whether or not it is real, nor about whether or not it is easy to change. There are a lot of things that are not innate but rather, I learned from my environment, like my accent and mannerisms when speaking, that are pretty much impossible for me to change (unless I'm learning a new accent to do as an imitation, I can never do it as a native speaker could.) Even if someone proved that trans identity and gender identity were culturally constructed, they wouldn't be any less real, nor would sexuality if someone showed that it was culturally constructed. But also, these viewpoints seem wrong, particularly, the way the ask frames this as a strictly binary thing, like they are either "innate" or not. It seems obvious to me that both sexuality and gender identity are influenced by multiple factors, and that for some people, they may be largely or mostly innate, whereas for others they may be more culturally influenced or socially constructed, and that for most people, there are going to be influences of both. This nuance would be obvious to any mentally healthy person who had lived in the world a sufficient amount of time and just observed people, listened, and learned. And this is one of many reasons I think the ask here is putting forth a trash perspective that isn't worth engaging with.

Lastly, this ask also seems to be really deep in a specific strawman argument that is quite bizarre. Like the premise of the ask seems to be that I somehow believe that gay or straight people are attracted to people on the basis of non-observed "gender identity" of others, which they may or may not be expressing openly. This is silly. I have never made such a claim, and I never would. I'm well aware that gay and straight people tend to be attracted to physical sex characteristics and that these don't necessarily correspond to a person's gender identity. I've never gotten into stupid arguments with people about whether or not someone qualifies as "gay" or "straight" if they are attracted to a non-transitioned, closeted trans person who presents as their birth gender.

And on top of that the post also references mind-body dualism, which is something else I reject.

I don't know what is going on here. Perhaps the person behind this ask wrongly assumed that I must hold some sort of unreasonable viewpoints, just because I am trans and nonbinary and have a more complex or fluid view of gender and sexuality. Or perhaps the person didn't assume that but is just writing the ask in bad faith, trying to use this argument to make me look bad or unreasonable, or trying to appeal to things that it's obvious I care about or believe in, in an attempt to guilt-trip me or make my own views seem unreasonable or flawed. Who knows? I don't know, and I don't need to know, nor do you.

Just know that people out there send asks like this, and that they're bullshit, and educate yourself so that you don't let them get to you at all. And if any of you followers want to talk about any of this stuff, please feel free to message me. I am friendly and I am always here to chat, I love talking about gender identity and sexuality and I love answering questions that are written respectfully and in good faith, and I love supporting people, even people who may hold views different from my own.

I care about all people and I especially care about any LGBTQ people who get asks like this and may feel self-doubt in response to them. Please do not hesitate to reach out to me if you need a sense of perspective on this stuff and you want someone who will listen to you and help you to sort through the bad logic and negativity and clarify what you really believe about this stuff.

[osaka-lilac]

so less for me but i always think more advice out there helps.

being gender fluid~ is there anywhere you would send people looking at that/wondering if they are/ect to learn.

i stumbled across 'non binary' and am still like 'there is HELP NOW' so, yeah, if you wanna use this to bang out stuff cool, but if not, totally respect you pretending this never landed in your inbox. bc everyone's journey is their journey.

hey, thanks for asking sam <3 i am not a person to go to for like. Official resources. but what i can do is share my own experiences.

for years i like. went by nonbinary cause i thought it was just like. the easiest option. but then i kinda started to think a bit more critically about my gender n my identity and how it made me feel to be addressed in certain ways. i thought that being addressed with no gender was fine, but i was still okay with more feminine and masculine pronouns. genderfluid ended up just making the most sense to me, although i have no desire to pass as the gender i am feeling at the time. if anything, greygender is more in line of what i identify with.

the only advice i can really give is a. don’t be afraid to ask questions n learn from other’s experiences, and b. truly there is no wrong answer when it comes to gender and expression. like you said, everyone’s on their own journey and all we can really do is support, learn, n love each other. we’re all in the same fight :)

[felony-dykery]

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the way I have seen (non-dysphoric) radfem lesbians talk about trans men. Specifically how they talk about trans men who choose to pursue total or partial physical transition. And overall the conclusion I keep coming to is that we need to completely rework how we discuss that experience.

I truly do not believe that all female attracted trans men should have to consider themselves lesbians. They can, but they shouldn’t *have* to. And now that I think about it, some trans men probably shouldn’t even claim the term at all. Because for many I feel there is an eventuality where lesbian stops being an accurate (or appropriate) identifier. There are so many differences between the public lives of passing trans men and visibly female homosexuals. I relate this to how my relationship with my partner (a trans man) has shifted through the journey of his physical transition. 

To be blunt, people have stopped treating us as a female couple. My extended family members are no longer shocked by the difference between his gender presentation and his physical appearance when they meet him for the first time. I haven’t had to give that awful pronoun and gender debriefing to new acquaintances in years. Recently it has become clear that his new trainees at work no longer have to force using he/him pronouns for him. I mean fuck we sometimes even feel safe enough to kiss and hold hands in public now. Such displays used to ALWAYS be meticulously avoided because when we were mostly read as lesbian they sadly exposed us to genuine threats of violence.

Is it really accurate to label this experience is a lesbian one? I do see the argument for it. Factually speaking we are both homosexual and female. All lesbians are female homosexuals, so that must in turn mean that all female homosexuals are lesbians... right? 

From a conceptual standpoint the latter assumption is perfectly correct. But I don’t think the reality is that simple. My question then is this: how do we define the multifaceted relationships that occur when a trans man falls in love with a woman?

I think there isn’t just one correct answer. Both biological truth and social reality are equally important. As a female homosexual I was once uncomfortable with this grey area but overtime the truth of my personal relationship has become clear. Both of us have come to the conclusion that our love is a homosexual, straight-passing one. And we both agree that it isn’t lesbian. Lesbian is, to us, an identity that better describes a more straightforward and visible type of love. To us, lesbians are non-transitioned adult human females who exclusively love other non-transitioned adult human females. We don't face the dangerous public situations that they often do. They don’t face some of the unique and complicated interpersonal struggles that we often do. We just don’t exist in the same space anymore.

This is not to say that we are totally disconnected from lesbianism. Most likely if I were with someone else she would most likely be another non-transitioned woman. I as a reidentified dysphoric personally still feel like a lesbian. People don’t (and never did) view me as a man just due to my identity issues. So yeah, I am something like a lesbian- just one in a non-lesbian homosexual partnership. For him, he *used to* belong solidly in the lesbian category. Before transition he was indistinguishable from a lesbian woman, just like I am now. But now he doesn’t feel like he would be lesbian outside of our relationship. He’s not interested in dating other trans men so I’m really not an attraction-anomaly to him. The way we relate to each other as two romantically involved dysphoric ofabs is messy, complicated, and fluid. I don’t mind it being that way. Because of our exploration into our labels we get to explore our connection in ways that most people don't get to experience. The way we have learned to relate to each other more honestly and healthfully has been a real point of growth for me, and I'm endlessly grateful for it. 

Not everyone in our situation has to agree with this interpretation. I don't claim to be the expert on dysphoric female love, nor would I want to. But I think there needs to be more room for variance in labels within this community. I don't think absolutism gets us closer to anything productive. The reality is that trans men do exist, they do fall in love, and they do not always relate to the world in a way that cleanly falls into an L, G, or B category. If we really want radical feminism to include all females we must be open to listening to their experiences- regardless of whether they neatly fit our worldview or not. 

[genderqueerpositivity]

If someone identifies as trans and a) experiences gender euphoria when addressed as the opposite sex BUT b) does not experience dysphoria and doesn't have much complaint about their body SO c) they are happier to just never transition because of time/money/social constraints/once again they don't hate their body as-is, what is the term for that? Trans, nonbinary, somewhere in between?

First of all, there is no "opposite sex". The gender binary is a lie. There are many genders and none of them are opposite from each other. We've got infinite gender possibilities happening here.

Next, I can't tell you what your gender is, only you can figure that out. I can give you some basic definition of terms, and some questions to think about, but only you can determine your identity.

To be trans is to have a gender identity different from the one you were assigned at birth. This is Gender Incongruence: your actual gender identity doesn't match your assigned gender.

Take some time to think on that. Does your assigned gender match the gender you know yourself to be in your heart and mind?

Some trans people experience gender dysphoria and some don't. Gender dysphoria isn't required to be trans. Transitioning isnt required to be trans.

But also: hating your body isn't required to be trans either. And "hating your body" isn't what gender dysphoria is.

Sometimes it can be difficult to realize that something you're experiencing is actually gender dysphoria. I've identified as trans for years and even so I still find myself surprised sometimes that something I'm feeling is gender dysphoria or something that I'm doing is a reaction to gender dysphoria.

Pay attention to yourself:

How do you feel about the sound of your voice, about speaking on the phone, about hearing your voice recorded and played back to you?

How do you feel when people use the pronouns associated with your assigned gender to refer to you, or other kinds of gendered language?

You said that you experience euphoria when someone uses the pronouns associated with the other binary gender to refer to you--do you prefer those pronouns? Are you disappointed when people don't use them?

Or maybe you're uncomfortable shopping for clothes, or swimming in public, or taking a shower. What do you do in these situations, how do you feel, how do you react?

Maybe the answer is that you really have no dysphoria at all. But pay attention for a while and see what happens.

To be nonbinary is to have a gender outside of, other, or more than the binary genders. Is your gender fluid or does it always feel the same? Perhaps you experience more than one distinct gender and at different times, or maybe at the same time? Maybe you do identify with or align with your assigned gender--but you also identify with another gender too. Or maybe you feel like you have no gender at all.

And again, you don't have to experience dysphoria to be nonbinary and trans--but, again, dysphoria is a complicated thing, and nonbinary dysphoria can be especially sneaky.

The question I ask myself is this:

What would you do if there were no limitations?

If time weren't an issue, if you had all of the money in the world, if those social constraints didn't exist, if the results from surgery were perfect and flawless every time, if there were no transphobia, if there were no rejection or violence or hatred--what would you do?

Would you transition?

Only you can answer that.

Maybe you're trans--but maybe you're not:

On the other hand, I believe it's completely possible to be cisgender and experience gender euphoria. Cis people can be gender nonconforming or gender expansive. Cis people can experiment with gender expression, enjoy being referred to with pronouns other than the ones associated with their assigned genders. Maybe your assigned gender fits just fine, but you enjoy breaking gender roles, breaking stereotypes, expressing your gender in creative and atypical ways.

Gender is a journey. You don't have to have everything figured out. It's okay to spend some time being questioning.

Whatever the answers to your questions are, I wish you the best.

[joxabear]

Writing non-binary(enby) characters

Quick disclaimer: non-binary is the umbrella term, not everyone who's enby will use they/them! Many also have different opinions on what's right and wrong, this is just my experience with writing a wide range of characters!

First off, I'd like to say that non-binary means outside of the gender binary. Opinions are opinions, and my general rule is whatever you say, boss, regardless of my opinions. Respect comes before whatever I think is right. (For your information, I'm enby(genderless, I suppose), pronouns they/them!) Also, this would likely only work for English(it has so many words to refer to someone! And I'm not a bilingual cool person, either)

Gender identity. Do they themselves say they're non-binary, or do they use a more specific label? There's plenty out there, and there are micro labels (do I have to say science proves that gender is an infinite spectrum or do we know?). You needn't even mention it anyway(I know I don't), it'll be cool to simply see them exist (Double Trouble from She-Ra is a good example of "existing no questions asked", they are very stereotypical, but many like them!)

Appearance. Not every enby is androgynous. Even if they look masculine or feminine (body types included), they are still enby. Yes, enby people can have breasts. I know a number (myself included) who do tend to dress quite out there, it's just a way of expressing ourselves, but I also know people who don't. Judge who the character is, and decide their appearance by that. It's up to you, clothes are whatever.

Dysphoria. This doesn't have to be a topic, I'm not fond of writing it. I'd say stay away from it unless you yourself experience it. But yes, enby people can experience dysphoria too.

Names. Most enby people choose strange names, objects, made up words, or even just a pretty name. Seraphy is my penname (I haven't tested many names enough, so really people just call me seraphy), it's nice, even if it's feminine. I've seen names such as Rock, Sock, Mud, or even animals (I myself am fond of Rat). I'm gonna annoy a few and say avoid deities. I know, they're cool, but it's disrespectful. Variations of the deities are okay, they did that in ancient times. (Aries, Dionysius, etc). Research!

Genderfluid. I wanna throw this here as I have yet to see any, and it's not fake or anything. This one can be tricky as it requires the changing of pronouns. You can choose some easy way (which to me just seems wrong, but whatever) of staying with one pronoun through the story, but have it clear they're fluid. Or you can do what I do and change it. Decide what pronouns they'll use (say, she/they, or he/she, or all three, or maybe even with it/she, or a neopronoun). One of mine wears a bracelet, and the colours change based on their gender. Genderfluid people don't change their gender three times an hour, nor do they have control over it. Nor do they owe you any explanation. Most if not all don't wear bracelets or anything, they'll just tell you.(I simply decided on a way of knowing for A. World building and B. Ease for those who don't understand) Do your research.

Personality. This one's anything. Enby people are people. Any personality is okay, although I'd avoid terrible stereotypes. Ie, don't make them some sleezy, shady, character.

Neopronouns. I'm gonna quickly touch on this. As of now, I don't actually have anyone with a neopronoun (I am planning on it though!) This one you should research (as with everything else). There's a lot of discourse around neopronouns, and a few are just things made up by idiots. Before people scream at me, English is an ever evolving language (or do you want to go back to using thy and thee all the time?) and that includes identity language. I've seen someone use it/itself and that's 100% fine and their choice.

Unsure of anything else at the moment, feel free to send a question or message me, but do research! Regardless of what you know and don't, research! And if you can, ask people!

Most importantly, just respect people. It's not hard. You never get to choose someone's labels.

[lupessa]

Positivity 💕

Don’t get me wrong, I figured I’d be the last person to make one of those fluffy uwu valid positivity posts. But screw that because everyone needs positivity sometimes. If these annoy you, keep scrolling.

Don’t say I ruined it by adding [identity you don’t agree with]

EAT THAT POSITIVITY!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Hey you.

You’re gay?

That’s awesome!! Your attraction is completely valid and you deserve to be able to love who you love and without judgement, and marry who you want. Any homophobia you face is completely undeserved. Be proud of who you are because you’re fucking fabulous. For those stuck in homophobic households, for those hiding far in the closet where the light doesn’t reach, keep holding on, stay strong 💕💕 I love you all.

You’re bi?

You exist! No, you are not going through a phase and no you don’t have to “just pick one!” Without a doubt, you belong in the lgbt community and anyone who says otherwise doesn’t know what they’re talking about. There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to more than one gender. It doesn’t make you promiscuous either. Ignore the stereotypes; they don’t matter.

You’re trans?

I hope you know you’re a lovely human being and that you deserve to be called by your proper name and pronouns. Trans girls? Damn right you’re beautiful, and trans guys, you’re handsome af. Remember that you’re not any less trans for not passing, your struggles are real and valid, stay safe and I hope you have an amazing day!! 💕

You’re pan?

That’s great! Your sexuality is a real thing and you shouldn’t have to deal with people telling you it’s not real. I just want you to know that you’re PANTASTIC *cringe* and you should keep being you.

You’re nonbinary?

Fantastic! Just a reminder that there are more than two genders and not everyone should be expected to fit the binary. You’re living proof of that and screw the haters. Whatever pronouns you choose to use are perfectly ok, are not ridiculous and deserve to be respected like anyone else’s. I hope y’all have a radical day.

You’re genderfluid?

Nice, I hope you’re doing well today you wonderful human being. Gender can be fluid and no, you’re not just “trending.” Your identity is very real, don’t let the bullies and trolls get to you.

You’re ace?

Hey, cool. You’re not broken, you don’t “need to be fixed.” You just have a different orientation, and that’s alright. Not everyone experiences attraction the same way, or at all.

You’re queer/Lgbt in general?

Spectacular! However you identify, you are valid and absolutely perfect just the way you are, don’t forget it.

You’re a therian?

My fellow therian darlings, you’re amazing! Never be afraid to be you, to express yourself because there’s only one you! Ignore the trolls! Laugh at the haters! We can’t change who we are, so we might as well embrace it. You are wonderful

You’re otherkin?

Lovely! Don’t let the endless stream of trolling that goes on on this website get to you—they may make us look silly, but they can’t hurt us. For those missing their home or the freedom from their past life, for those who feel a little down about their present circumstances, don’t forget to take care of yourself lovelies, 💕💕💕 You are valid and you were put here to do good things.

You’re fictionkin?

You’re just as valid as otherkin. Just because you came from a fictional source, doesn’t make your identity any less legitimate, and don’t let any self-proclaimed know-it-all’s tell you otherwise.

You’re plantkin?

You may be uncommon, but plantkin are just incredible beings!!! You’re a plant, how cool is that? Seriously, that’s frickin awesome and I hope you have a nice day, as always, ignore the trolls cause they don’t matter.

You’re a furry?

Great! You don’t deserve to be put down and bullied for partaking in any fandom or activity you enjoy, no matter what it is. People who bash furries often don’t even know what they’re talking about and just regurgitate stuff they heard. They’re not even worth paying attention to. Besides, those fursuits y’all make? Hecking cool!!!! Seriously though, so much effort is put into those things and it’s really awesome! I want one!!

You don’t fit societal beauty standards?

Great! Cause guess what, you’re fucking beautiful anyway. Seriously, screw society, you’re literally perfect the way you are. There’s also nothing wrong if you want to lose weight, but you should do it for you, and shouldn’t just feel shamed into doing so. Fat does NOT mean ugly regardless.

You 👏 are 👏 beautiful 👏

Feel free to add on to the positivity!

[thinking-upside-down]

A Range of Negative Trans Emotions (Part Two)

1.16.19 I was going to edit the original post today since I didn’t have the time to write everything I wanted to say, but it is actually gotten more notes than any other post I have ever written, and I don’t want the people who saw before not see the additional stuff. I also would like to add that I don’t have the same experiences as other non-cis individuals. Some people identify as male but like to appear feminine. Some people are nonbinary but tend to dress in a masculine way. Just because I do not have these experiences does not mean that they are not valid or real. First of all, a person does not need to feel a certain amount of dysphoria in order to be considered trans. You don’t have to have body, mental, and social dysphoria. Also, for anyone who needs definitions: body dysphoria - discomfort someone feels with their physical body and the way it functions mental dysphoria - discomfort someone feels when their thoughts and emotions are at odds with their sense of identity social dysphoria - discomfort someone feels by how they are seen socially Definitions from http://whenevebecomessteve.blogspot.com/2015/04/different-types-of-gender-dysphoria.html There are some times when the bad feelings (dysphoria, self-hate, etc.) take over a person’s mind without ANY CAUSE. That is a thing that does exist. Sometimes everything is fine in the environment and mindset of a person, and then it just . . . isn’t. I don’t know how else to explain that. It also doesn’t have to be focused on something (pronouns, dress style, etc.). Sometimes it is about everything. Every part of a person, possibly without warning. Sometimes it isn’t about anything. Erm, well, the source of the emotions isn’t clear (”I’m having chest dysphoria” would be clear). AND, if your mind is like mine, it may try to make you feel as though all your emotions are made-up and that your transition will never happen. It will try to convince you to give up. For me, I want to have both top and bottom surgeries, start testosterone patches, get a binder (and possibly a packer), and I want people to refer to me by my preferred name and pronouns (which will hopefully be my legal identification at some point). That’s a lot. And sometimes it seems like too much to bother people with. Lots of money being spent, lots of terrifying medical meetings and introductions with doctors, the thought of actually coming out to my parents. I want you to know that life is meant to be lived, and you can’t live it to the fullest if you’re uncomfortable with yourself constantly. You deserve to be happy and loved by people for who you are, not a mask or a fake version of you. The entire point of transition is to make it easier for you to be happy. That being said, make sure that you definitely feel either (a) like a certain gender or identity and/or (b) feel wrong in the gender you were assigned at birth on a somewhat frequent or frequent basis. Gender fluid individuals, for example, may be okay with their birth sex at some times and not at other times. All of these paragraphs are really long, I’m sorry. Here’s my advice for anyone feeling this way: - Develop healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with waves of this kind of thing in public (focusing on something else, breathing strategies, meeting with a guidance counselor, taking breaks, picturing a happy place, etc.). - Develop healthy coping mechanisms for negative gender-related feelings at home (warm baths, doing a hobby, discussing/spending time with family members, journaling, etc.). - Piece together a playlist that will help you improve your mood or soften the blow of these feelings. - Get a therapist. Do some research on what a good therapist is, local therapists, and pricing for different offices. Try five sessions and decide if the therapist is a good choice for you. From my experience, a good therapist is someone you want to talk to. Get a new one if it seems like they control the conversation most of the time, you get into off-topic conversations often, and/or you don’t trust or like the therapist. - Find a hobby that involves little thought, like knitting or drawing. You can watch movies, have conversations, and listen to podcasts while doing this and can use it as a coping skill. - Don’t allow people who bring you down, don’t accept you, or make you feel these ways be major parts of your life. Friends especially should make you feel good when you’re around them, not rob you of joy. - Try to find people who are going through similar experiences. Others who also feel trapped, restricted, or inauthentic concerning a part of their identity can have meaningful conversations with you. - Find people who post or vlog about similar experiences online. (Hi there.) - Come out! But only if you feel 100% ready - no regrets, no indecisiveness, no “what if”s - and it’s safe for you to do so. In this case, your safety is more important. - Move away from unaccepting (and possibly hostile) communities and family members once you are able to (legally, financially, mentally, physically). - Find a way of expressing yourself. - Don’t lose hope, and remember who you are and that you are valid. There is an answer; good luck finding yours. - Thinking_Upside_Down

[the-mira-life-project-mtf]

LGBT - I AM MIRA

My Transgender Journey

   When approaching the discussion of what type of L.G.B.T.Q. individual I might be, I fall in-between Gender Nonconforming and Gender Nonbinary. Personally I call the label: Gender Neutral or Gender Fluid as I deny that I am either male or female...but more like both at once. The only time I will use gender codes is on legal or medical documentation for statue of my genetic sex. I will even refer to myself as male as physically, that is what I think I appear as. For many years I tried to understand this duality of my gender and the only way I could understand it was through the ancient arts of the Animus and Anima.

Animus (David) & Anima (Mira)

   In Carl Jung’s school of analytical psychology, he purposed that there are two primary anthropomorphic archetypes of the unconscious mind. The animus and anima are elements of the personal psyche that makes up the human gender.

   The anima is the unconscious female form of the male body whereas the animus is the unconscious male form of the female body. The anima and animus can be identified as the totality of the unconscious feminine psychological qualities that a man possesses and equal to that a woman possesses, meaning that there is no one gender, but a duel-gender.

   The matter is simplified due to the construction of the human right (female) and left (male) hemisphere lobes of the animalistic brain. Depending on sex, we depend on either the right or left side for critical thinking and this shapes our primary gender. It is not to say that women don’t use their left lobe and men their right. The brain naturally bridges and this forms a non-binary form of thinking. At any time, we think as male and female when we interact socially.

   As children, our animus and anima are quite visible as we try to grasp the existence of being human. This is why we dress, play and find fascination in the non-binary body. As we age, we condition as male or female due to peer pressure, expectations and/or biology. Most lose touch with their second gender and this leads to radical behavior like male aggression and female feminism.

   Depending on how well developed the second gender is...we begin to metamorphoses into becoming transgender.

   The effect of the animus and anima can have naturalizing biological effects on our body through an imbalance of hormones. This can cause a man to form breasts (and be comfortable with them) or female to form facial hair.

   It is my belief that the anima, Mira, is as real is the animus, David; and together they form one biological entity. The malfunction however occurs as the biological sex has given superiority to the animus with the formation of a male reproductive system, muscle strength, lack of breasts, body hair and inability to bear children. Since the anima is also active and has the ability to gain superiority, but compromised by genetics, this causes ‘undesired’ changes to the host body to balance between the two genders.

   The question that I cannot answer is which gender is actually the superior without the aid of DNA? I believe it is totally possible, as in my case, to have the second gender be superior over my sex and this has led me to modifications of my body to balance between the two sexes.

Gender Nonconforming & Gender Nonbinary

   Of all the Transgender communities, gender Nonconforming and Gender Nonbinary do not live within the binary gender narrative. Most transgender individuals gear for an MtF or an FtM with a full switch to the opposite gender giving that sex superiority over the other. Gender Nonconforming (GNC) & Gender Nonbinary (GNB) live in-between genders and can vary to either side of the binary gender, but not as far as giving that gender superiority over the second gender. This makes treating GNB quite difficult as they need to be certain on what their balance is.

So how do you know if you are GNC-GNB?

   First, these individuals may identify as being both male and female; neither male nor female; in-between genders; on the outside of the binary gender spectrum; not having a gender or being totally genderless.

   There are a few who use the term ‘Queer’, which has been reclaimed as a respectful umbrella term encompassing a broad range of gender identities, expressions, and sexual orientations. I however refuse to use this term as ‘Queer’ which carries much passive aggression.

   The art of being Nonbinary evolves and changes rapidly as this group of people are hard to understand and definitions try to express their conditions evolve. Here is a list of GNC-GNB names:

Gender Ambiguous, Pangender, Neutrois, Gender Bender, Gender Blender, Gender Smoothie, Gender Expansive, Masculine Of Center, Feminine Of Center, Androgyne, Gender Fluid and my personal definition: Gender Neutral.

   Another clear sign of being GNC-GNB is how they use their pronouns. People who are Gender Nonbinary may choose to use gender neutral pronouns such as we, us, they, them and their, or other gender neutral pronouns such as zie(ze) (masculine) and hir (feminine).

   So in regard to my own pronouns; an example of a conversation might sound like this:

   ‘Good morning doctor, we been waiting a long time...’ even though I am all alone.

   ‘It’s taken us a few days to recover, but we are doing much better...’ again, alone and speaking for one.

Complicated Process Of Transformation

   As we’ve discussed, transitioning from male to female is not a complete transformation of the sex. It is a balance of the outward gender and internal hormones that activate parts of the dormant brain to bridge both genders. If a GNC-GNB made a full switch MtF or FtM, it would have devastating results if they were truly nonbinary. It is possible for a GNC-GNB to actually be a Transgender without knowing it, further changing to balance the dysphoria.

   When it comes to balancing between David & Mira, this requires self-reflection to find what causes the gender dysphoria; the underlying root to gender transformation. It is rather hard as the goal is not to be male or female but to also have male and female body characteristics all at the same time.

   If you recall the mirror experiment in Article:

A Blind Procedure — A Guess Of Day 1

, the body of a GNC might be best described as how it is mentally seen.

   For example: When someone say, describe your ideal body; I usually revert to the mental image I see: A tall, stocky 6 foot 2 build with low muscle mass…

Face:

   Rounded, pronounced upper cheek bones and normal hairline for my age. Hair is short, cropped to the shoulders with blonde highlights of my youth mixed with brown of my adulthood. My lips are feminine, filled out, but not massive; whereas my nose is masculine in appearance. No facial hair.

Neck:

   Slender, the structure pretty much unaltered from the physical neck.

Shoulders:

   Masculine in shape.

Upper Arms:

   Feminine in shape, low muscle mass and no body hair.

Lower Arms:

   Feminine in shape, low muscle mass and no body hair.

Back:

   No body hair.

Chest:

   No chest hair. My chest is supported by two B-cup breasts, firm and dome-like in appearance. The mammary glands are in full activity (leading to a possibility of discharge and sensitive). Nipples are feminine in appearance with darkened (brown pigmentation) areolas about quarter in size and puffy. The skin is very clear and white which is true when I shave.

Belly & Waist:

   No body hair...belly is rounded, but fat is redistributed to the hips making only one belly roll. The waist is narrow in appearance, but normal for males. The illusion is caused by posture and hips.

Genitalia:

   Feminine pubic hair design with a small flaccid penis that is unable to erect on its own. The main purpose of the penis is for urination. With time and dedication, and erection is possible and sustained by the sensitive glans. The penis should be small enough that it can shrink down into a clitoris like structure, giving the appearance of a vagina...but not. Testicles are small (pre-pubescent).

Buttocks:

   Feminine in size. Rounded and firm, but not large. The buttocks should blend in with the hips.

Upper Thighs:

   Masculine in form, maintaining muscular mass. Body hair here is acceptable if it is light brown or blonde (blonde being ideal).

Lower Legs:

   Feminine in form, but retaining lean muscle mass, but not obvious (no body builder building calf’s). Body hair here is acceptable if it is light brown or blonde (blonde being ideal).

Feet:

   Masculine in form, size 13 as they are now with no different modifications.

   It is through the modifications of H.R.T. to slow down, decrease and stop body hair growth, develop breasts, redistribute fat, feminize the face and stop hair loss on scalp. A reduction in penis and testicular size is also desired and the loss of libido is desired.

   Gender affirming surgery has not been greatly considered and is avoided as it is too quick of a change and unable to adapt to the new form. I have however considered breast augmentation (if breasts get too big) and genital surgery to modify penis into a vagina-like structure as it would be the easiest to live with. I however elect not to go this direction due to cost and mental impact it might have.

The Role Of Mira

   Psychology speaking, the role of Mira is far more developed than previously thought. Mira is the artist, the caregiver and dreamer of my personality. Whereas David is the scientist, authoritarian and researcher of my personality.

   Over the years, Mira has been developing faster than David as seen in skills and career choices. At the beginning (Pre-TG ignorance), I was seen as a strict, orderly, authoritarian and calculating. Due to outward aggression and superior thoughts over females; my animus was trying to become conditioned for my sex. I did not like the person I was becoming and literally overnight, began to mentally change as I left my comfort for a world of community service and care-giving.

   I have never done this before and flourished. Ironically, my ideal image in control was the Gender Neutral appearance with Mira taking the superior role.

   I turned away from science and went into care giving and community service to help others who needed it more than me. My whole demeanor changed, the way I thought of others, the way I talked and even body posture began to change for the feminine side.

   By my late 20s, my gender was reassigned as I hybrid my new found love as a caregiver and scientist and taught children environmental education. It was easily noted by my peers that I was changing as my first year I was very soft spoken and womanly, second year soft spoken and compassionate...hardly showing any aggression. By the third year, openly spoken and orderly, but womanly at the same time. I was even considered by a few L.G.B.T. as being possibly gay.

   It is not to be considered that I wasn’t masculine during this time. I maintained my passive aggressiveness quite well and did not put up with disobedience. Ironically, I hardly participated in ‘male-centrist’ activities like sports, drinking or power posturing. I hardly participated in ‘female-centrist’ activities like maternity, arts and crafts, beauty. I tend to balance between the two.

Mira And Dating

   This part could be an article in its self, but decided to add it under Article: Mira as it seems appropriate.

   Dating as a Gender Neutral individual was not top priority. However, there was once a bond that lasted for ten years before it ended quite abruptly! I was typically attracted to woman (as I am still sexually attracted to women and not men) and found one beautiful woman that ironically fit my mental image of my anima.

   Her name was Ruth, she has beautiful blonde hair with a light red-brown highlights. Her face angular and cheeks pronounced. Nose slightly masculine and lips feminine. Gorgeous green eyes and the fairest skin you’d ever see.

   I could speak to her as if I was speaking to myself! Her body was curvaceous with B-cup breasts and a slender waist with large hips.

   She herself identified as bisexual and could swing either male or female for love interest. I, at the time, was just male...straight and concerned over her sexual preference. It was clear after five years of dating that we were trying to decide who was masculine and feminine in this relationship.

   Ruth certainly did not want to take on the masculine side, probably because she was worried it would offend me. But when it came to dating, she was masculine and even made it clear that she preferred my ‘feminine persona’ over my masculine persona.

   It did not take much work to change into the female in this relationship, it came naturally and I enjoyed it. It made me happy, I could be Mira hiding under the name David as we dated.

   By year 9, our relationship began to deteriorate as I was expecting Ruth to take on the male role. She either did not understand or could not comprehend and her libido got the best of her. I was confused, as Mira (David), I can’t be sexual with someone of my same gender and having a nonbinary female being romantic with a bi female was too much for me and a panic.

   By year 10, (just a year before interest in H.R.T. and accepting I am also Mira), Ruth and I went our separate ways in a way that devastated me! I honestly don’t know how it happened, but it did and it was bad! It was a ten day trip down the Oregon coastline...I thought it would be the perfect scene for a romantic getaway. Just the two of us. Like normal, I resumed being the female and hoped Ruth would take on the masculine role. The first two days were fine, but I began to fall apart. I wanted her to do more, I was driving, cooking, cleaning, paying and leading in this expedition and it wore me down!

   For a brief moment, Mira vanished and David snapped out in a way that was hurtful! My limits were broken and I had doubts about our relationship. But shock came to me when Ruth told me that there was no love between us and we’d never be a partnership...she wanted me to break up with her...she wanted another commitment to someone else. I think she expected me to argue, but I just got up and washed my dishes and put the food away and said “I think your right...we are not compatible!” and I left her to her own device as I showered and cried.

   The trip was cut short and the next day I drove all the way from the California state line to Ruth’s home...broken and hurt. I did not let it show. I was equally pissed how she so easily threw me out. Not even a ‘Love you’ slipped from my lips, she tried to say something, but I just said ‘Goodbye...’ the type of goodbye you say to a love one who has died.

Like Johnny Cash’s song:

She Use To Love Me A Lot...

   I saw her through the window today. She was sittin' in the Silver Spoon cafe. I started to keep going.    But something made me stop...She used to love me a lot.    She looked lonely and I knew the cure. Old memories would win her heart for sure. I thought I'd walk on in. And I give it my best shot...She used to love me a lot.    I sat down beside her and she smiled. She said where have you been it's been awhile. She was glad to see me. I could almost read her thoughts...She used to love me a lot.    She used to love me with a love that wouldn't die. Looking at her now I can't believe I said good-bye. It would only take a minute to turn back the clock...She used to love me a lot.    I remember how good it was back then. And I said it's not too late to start again. We could spend a night together. Take up where we left off...She used to love me a lot.    But I panicked as she turned to walk away. As she went out the door I heard her say. Yes I'm in need of something. But it's something you ain't got...But I used to love you a lot.    I thought she loved me with a love that wouldn't die. Looking at her now I can't believe she said good-bye...She just left me standing there, I never been so shocked...She used to love me a lot.

   Only difference here...I was the woman who got her heart broken and then walked away in the end. The song was bitter sweet when Ruth messaged me 4 months later and asked that we go out for a dinner or movie...to start over again...I never responded. How do you pick up the broken glass of a failure?

   I still loved her, with all my heart. I was a true Davy Jones...heartbroken and heartless. I waited to see the message come through Facebook that officially told the world we were no more. But it never came. I wondered: ‘Did she ever tell her mom and dad about our breakup?’ ‘Tell them about the sexist pig I was?’ I never told my family...it was none of their business, but I think they know as I removed Ruth’s stuff and asked they not ask about her.

   Four months went by and I reflected on the event, ‘Where was Mira?’ ‘Why did I behave like that?’ It was my animus...I know it was! I was aggressive, mean; unruly! And I hated it! I became the very thing that wasn’t me...all over politics, lack of partnership and exhaustion! Ruth was right, we were not made for one another...and if we got back together...what will happen if it happens again? Being hurt once was enough.

   I thought about all she said, tearing apart her words like a puzzle. It then was clear to me: Ruth is bi, but her dominate trait is her animus. Her actions were ‘male’, she was sexually aggressive, overbearing, manipulative, authoritarian and expected everything to be done for her.

   That is how the men in my household acted. She said to me on that fateful trip ‘I think I am attracted to women more than men...’ I think she was trying to either save face for breaking up or wanted to hurt me, I don’t know. ‘You’re taking this much easier than I thought!’ she commented, but she was wrong!

   I wondered, ‘What if I was less like David and more like Mira...if I changed myself...would it make her happier? I can’t live this lie!’ I then began searching for a way to deplete the chemical that ruined our love...testosterone! It was here that Mira took over completely and even to this day works to balance me to what I envisioned myself at age 7. ‘Reduce the testosterone, reduce the androgen...flood your body with estrogen and change!’ I thought. Mira’s thoughts were no longer outside...but now my own.

   Seven months into our breakup and I already tried to change myself using bovine ovaries, but failed as the taste was overwhelming! I feel sorry for the women who have to swallow these shitty pills! With my H.R.T. appointment in place...I thought of something dreadful! Ruth contacted me again, wanting to visit me and I had a change of heart...I said yes, but she never came.

   If there was even a remote possibility of us repairing the past, could she live with a man trying to turn into a half-man half-woman hybrid? Would she accept me for who I really am? Would she love Mira over David? I felt terrible...all I thought was about myself and not of others. 7 months and I wanted to make it better. If I can’t be the man she wants...maybe she can love a Gender Neutral? But how do you tell someone who could share this information with family? Trust? Trust was gone when she said she did not love me.

   ‘Why can’t I just man up and did what she wanted...have sex!’ she made it clear multiple times that I wasn’t satisfying her needs. Even though we were not married, she wanted the experience and I wanted commitment. I though billions of sex crazed men who would have been more than happy to lay with her and she found the only guy who won’t even touch her!

    Sadly, the answer is really simple...just tell her that you are Gender Neutral and about to undergo H.R.T. to become what you are supposed to be...let her decide...what do I have to lose, we are already nothing at this time.

[fxrris]

hello my friends it is i, ur friendly neighbourhood canadian moose !! i’m 20, use she/her pronouns, and i’m a virgo sun, pisces moon & scorpio rising. also a future vet but we don’t like to talk abt school because yikes !! i’m rly excited for this y’all don’t even know. this is my bby ferris & she’s a bit of a nut buT i hope u like her anyway ?? i’m a thirsty hoe and i wanna plot w all of u so HMU or just LIKE THIS and i’ll come to you !! u can also peep her pinterest board HERE for a lil more vibes but more info abt her under the cut !!

holy shit! did you see that? oh wait, that’s just ferris mcelroy, the local madelaine petsch lookalike. apparently, she’s been in Moon Valley for twenty-one whole years! they’re very enthralling, but also pretty reticent, which is why: a bouquet of wilted flowers, dirt caked under chipped fingernails, smudged eyeliner, and moths surrounding a flickering light describes their vibe effortlessly. I wonder what this 21 year old hopes to discover in good ol’ Moon Valley.

she’s v inspired by jennifer from the movie phenomena and a lil bit of luna lovegood !!!

so ferris was born & raised in moon valley and has lived there her entire life !! 

she’s always been a bit of an unusual gal ig ?? a quiet girl who kept to herself while her identical twin sister, piper was like...the more outgoing & friendly & popular one. but the two were still best friends & ferris didn’t really care that ppl didnt like her as much

she actually preferred it that way bc she’s always really liked being alone. she very very rarely spoke up as a child and ppl and teaches especially thought she was just dumb but she is actually v intelligent

1000000% nature hoe !!! she grew up always being outside and playing with bugs and in the trees. always walkin around barefoot and trying to talk to and befriend the plants and animals

she very much believes that she has a deep spiritual like......paranormal connection to nature?? fully believes that she can communicate with and understand plants, animals & insects and sense how they’re feeling and vice versa. she is very in Tune with the world around her

so she’s quite sensitive and her mood / attitude / emotions are also v heavily affected by like....nature and the weather and stuff u know. but she’s happy when it rains.

tw: missing person / death !! her twin sister piper went missing shortly after their 17th birthday and her whereabouts are still unknown. no one knows what happened to her and her mom still hasn’t given up the search. it was such a tragedy and it rly tore the family apart as u can imagine??? about a year after, ferris’ parents split up and her dad moved away bc he couldn’t rly take it and her mom is.....still pretty shook up about it. she refuses to stop trying to find piper and bc of that people think she’s a bit nutty ???? but what else is she supposed to do u know thats her babY. and she lowkey.....resents ferris bc she is just a constant reminder of their once picture perfect family and her mom always lowkey liked piper more rip

even tho no one knows where piper is or what happened, ferris fully believes 1000000% that she’s dead and the two of the can communicate. she was really devastated when she first disappeared as u can imagine but after speaking to her sister she is no longer upset about it bc she believes that her sister is at peace now and in a better place. she claims that her sister speaks to her in her dreams and also that she can communicate with her spirit. 

is it real ???? is it just her way of coping?????????? we will never know for Sure.

lots of people think she is just like.....out of her mind & full of it but she doesn’t rly care ??? like....these are her experiences and if u dont believe her oh well !!! join the club !!!!!

she has major insomnia that only got worse after her sister disappeared. she’s basically the queen of the no sleep club and she’s always tired but.....the bitch can’t sleep !!!!

she is basically in her own little dream world at all times and can be p disconnected from reality ????? like....she’s always got her head in the clouds

she lowkey ruins everything good in her life and is consistently fucking up. she has a tendency to push ppl away ?? just because like......idK she just doesn’t rly think people would like her if they rly got to know her so it’s better to keep people at a distance to start with rather than get attached and have them fuck off???? she’s never had good luck w relationships so it’s kind of sketchy to her

but she feels everything so deeply like.....she’s an incredibly sensitive person she feels everything sO MUCH

her house is an bug zOO. like, she has pet tarantulas and stick bugs and giant millipedes and ant farms and probably cockroaches and shit too like.....it’s GROSS but she thinks they’re rly cool and she likes to talk to them

she’s worked at the amusement park since she was 16!!!! she sells cotton candy :’)

her sexuality is v fluid and she identities as queer !!! she doesn’t rly think abt it too much ig ??? she just......likes whoever she likes and it’s not some big deal to her u know

did i mention that she luvs bugs bc..........................she luvs bugs

smokes a lot of weed probably mostly to help her sleep but also bc.....why Not. when she’s high she’ll just talk about shit forever man which is wild bc she barely talks when she’s sober ???

as for wanted connections i literally want...........everythinG but here is a lil list of ideas !!

a best friend !! probably since they were v young like,.......the one person who rly knows her inside & out and she can trust with anything

a drug dealer !!!!! i imagine she would be like kind of friends w them ?? since she is prob blowing up their phone a lot lmao. also just ppl she can get high with would b cool as well

an ex !!! she probably got scared and pushed them tf away and ran for her LIFE bc she just.......has Issues and it’s hard for her to connect w people

her sister’s friends !!!! this is something i REALLLYYYY want bc piper was v popular and well-loved so it would be interesting ??? they could like....resent her or think she’s a total freak or remind them of piper and they want to be her friend or literally anything i just Want it

maybe some hookups or somethin

someone who like....deadass just thinks she’s a fucking weirdo

also !!!! someone she has a big crush on but.....she is like too nervous to talk to them or like act on it or anything

some friends maybe

literally anything

[kosmicdream]

hi i just discovered your webcomic !! i very much love it a lot and i was wondering if yo could maybe clear up the worm's anatomy ? cuz like, one minute they have boobs except its referred to as a he and then it has a dick but its still a queen ? don't get me wrong its insanely cool but if you would be so kind as to enlighten me on the subject it would be very much appreciated !! keep up the good work !!

I’ve been getting a lot of new readers and I think its been a while since i’ve gotten questions about this, so I suppose I don’t mind recirculating some information again. Hopefully i can cover a little bit more of the deeper nuances about worms and their relationship to gender/sex/pronouns that i haven’t talked about before. Its best to keep in mind that pronouns and also body parts (genitals/breasts, ect) arent always indicative of gender or sex. I think this is safe to say this is true for.. even outside of my story.

**SOME SPOILERS BELOW IF YOU HAVENT READ THE ENTIRE COMIC... SORRY I RAMBLED***

Anyway-- In the case of hydragora worms (which ill focus on as they are the ones with the king/queens classifications), their pronouns are not even exactly related to their genders or sex at all! but rather the type of ‘class’ of worm they are. Technically, all worms are able to lay eggs and also fertilize them. there are no “girl” or “boy” worm. Sometimes their rituals with how this process happens are different depending on what kind of worm they are, but they are all able to shape-shift their bodies to look how they want-- well, based on what they eat-- so body parts like boobs and genitals are really just accessories. For some worms, they’re important parts of their body that help make them comfortable, for others they couldnt give a fuck about what is swinging around. it really depends on the individual. Worms can mate without even having any visible genitals just as long as they squirm around in the necessary fun fluids with some sort of .. open.. orifice to absorb it with.... worm sex can be real damn freaky i wont get into it rn.

Back to the pronouns though. What does it mean??? Well, Kings do not actually mean male and Queens do not mean female..Even though we humans generally associate these pronouns/words with male and female! To make it as simple as i can, I try to explain or ask others to think of it like..Kings (he/him) - Typical characteristics: Lazy, Important, Need to be worshipped and protected. Very sexually appealing. Also have mysterious powers. Often have little weird crowns.Queens (she/her) - Characteristics: generally very large, can regenerate, specifically hunt down kings to kill them. Super strong. Generally have cool looking tails for some reason. Very colorful because that is useful for intimidation and showing off how strong they are.Regular worms: want to worship kings + protect them, also desire to become knights. technically speaking-- i would say that the lack of pronouns is the most ‘suitable’ pronoun to describe them. some even casually adopt he/she/they pronouns but usually in the space of interacting with other species. anyway, they’re loyal and subservient. knight worms: the special king-appointed upgrade of regular worms, they often adopt he/him pronouns through this process but it is reflective of their close bond with their king. (the very simple format is thinking the three basic worm genders as LAZY, MURDER and WORSHIP.)

*ok more specific character spoilrs below YOUUUVE BEEN WARNNNED IM WARNING YOOOU ok done warning**

Some worms break from this system and try to reinvent or reinterpret pronouns for their own while still interacting with worm culture/society. A couple examples of worms that do this are Agent Paper and Nail. (although really, its hard to think what worm character in ffak does not do this lol) Paper is a woman wishes to be viewed/treated as a woman by ANY species she interacts with. But! this doesnt mean she identifies as being a queen worm however- even tho she uses she/her pronouns. She just is a female worm. That identity is important to her even if, for a worm, it is far more ‘binary’ way of thinking than worms typically exhibit. Other worms will probably view her as a wanna-be-human or close minded. But just because the majority of worms are very fluid in many aspects of their gender/bodies/identity/sexuality doesn’t mean paper has to conform to this fluidity as well. The idea of a ‘Binary Gender’ for worms is typically very confusing (or an example of someone who is misinformed) to those who understand that worms generally do not adhere to a binary system. Especially for a worm who is NOT trying to disguise themselves as a human and integrate with human society (Aka, like Dylan who mostly interacts with humans and generally tries to remove herself from worm culture/society completely. Dylan does not even WANT to be considered a worm while paper still LOVES being a worm and associating herself with worms. shes just a woman worm. dylan is a woman. just not a worm woman. she will begrudgingly accept she is still technically a worm, but the identity of woman is less important to her and is more just the default of being viewed as a cis lady by humans and dylan is like ‘yeah whatevs’.)Nail is a queen worm, which typically have she/her pronouns, but he goes by he/him pronouns and also is fairly assertive of that. However, this doesnt mean he is a man or wishes to be viewed a ‘Man’ or ‘Male' (specifically) or even as a “King.” its more like... his own interpretation of what he/him means, which is about authority, dominance and most importantly: power. If he would pick a ‘binary gender sort of thing’ (while rolling his eyes bc he thinks its stupid while also thinking its important enough to get annoyed at when people dont respect his pronouns) he would pick being a man and would vehemently reject being viewed as a woman, but in a more deeper level that is not actually how he sees his he/him pronouns as a man thing. (even between being NB/male/female he would still pick man because that just seems ‘direct to the point.’ and satisfying) He also generally rejects the label of Queen worm too, but will begrudgingly or unenthusiastically accept that he is one. He is also considered an ‘odd’ queen because he is very small in stature and generally has muted colors of browns/tans instead of flashy ones. He has been teased at this too that he wasnt QUEEN enough by being so small and puny lmao.

To backtrack a little, As worms integrate with human society, or even hekatons (which that species also mimics a lot of human society), they will often adopt the ideology and system of how pronouns are used. Or at least, will be forced to process how other species will view them based on the shared language of using the same words, despite it meaning many different things... to not only groups of people but also on the individual level. I think thats an important thing to consider that there are many different dynamics, interpretations and journeys interacting all at once and influencing each other and are constantly evolving and branching out. Even the lines between what is a king/queen/other worms really ARE is blurry because its all on a spectrum of.. various physical characteristics and behaviors.

And to go into EVOLUTION and BLURRY LINES... As we can see with a worm like, Jacket for example... while he is specifically NOT a king, he is also more like a unique blend of features from queens/regular worms and also knights. because he WANTS to be a knight he already uses he/him pronouns despite not actually having a king already and hasnt even gone through the specific knighting process. Jacket sees He/him as words that mean total loyalty to the king. Whoever the king is. And if someone were to try to put him in a specific box of queen/king/knight/regular worm they would be unable to place him b/c he is something else unique entirely. and while jacket uses he/him pronouns i think at the core of it he literally does not give a fuck about language at all, or genders, or labels. those are all nonsense things. he relies only on instinct and desire.

Phew. ok I could ramble on and describe every one of my worm characters, but I’ll leave it at there for now. Crimson is even more confusing bc she is a fucking hybrid human/mandragora worm, using a goddamn hydragora body, and has like 2 other clone heart selves and all this other fucking bullshit. i have been writing this for like an hour. lmao

I hope some of this is communicates at least, its a little difficult to orchestrate and articulate all the levels operating here at once in a simple-to-digest manner. the fun thing about ffak at least is that if you dont want to think about this stuff you dont really have to--although id think it enriches the experience a bit.

[intisha]

LGBTQIA+

SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND GENDER IDENTITY -

How sexual orientation (who you're attracted to) differs from gender identity (who you are)?

It’s a common misconception that gender identity and sexual orientation are connected. If someone is transgender, for example, many people automatically assume that they must also be gay. That, however, is not the case. Gender and sexuality are different, and it’s an important distinction to understand. Humans have both a sexual orientation and a gender identity.

VIDEO - The gender is beyond he or she

Sexual orientation, on the other hand is the “inherent or immutable enduring emotional, romantic or sexual attraction to other people.” Basically, it’s who you are interested in dating and being intimate with. Someone can be transgender, but also be gay, straight, bisexual, asexual, or a whole host of other sexual identities that exist.

Sexual orientation refers to a person’s “emotional, affectional and sexual attraction to…individuals of a different gender or the same gender or more than one gender.” International Commission of Jurists, Yogyakarta Principles on the Application of International Human Rights Law in relation to Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity (2007) (“Yogyakarta Principles”), Preamble.

Heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality are all sexual orientations. The terms lesbian, gay and bisexual also refer to an individual’s sexual orientation.

Gender identity refers to “each person’s deeply felt internal and individual experience of gender, which may or may not correspond with the sex assigned at birth.” See Yogyakarta Principles, Preamble. Many individuals identify as male or as female. However, some individuals may identify with a non-binary gender or with no gender at all. A person’s gender identity may be different than the gender that society might attribute to that person on the basis of external signifiers such as clothing or mannerisms.

Transgender individuals identify with a gender other than the one they were assigned at birth.

Additionally, intersex persons are individuals who are “born with sexual anatomy, reproductive organs and/or chromosomal patterns that do not fit the typical definition of male or female.” UN Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights, Free and Equal: Sexuality and Gender are not Black and White. This term is used to describe a wide variety of characteristics. Intersex persons, like others, have a sexual orientation and gender identity.

"Sexuality is who you go to bed with, and gender identity is who you go to bed as. That's the simplest way I can describe it," explained YouTuber Brendan Jordan, who identifies as gender fluid.

Collectively, members of sexual minority groups are frequently referred to using the acronym “LGBTQIA+,” which stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex and asexual. Discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity also affects individuals whom others merely assume or perceive to belong to a sexual minority.

LGBT is shorthand for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender. The “LGB” in this term refers to sexual orientation. It also refers to an individual’s sense of personal and social identity based on those attractions, related behaviors and membership in a community of others who share those attractions and behaviors. Some people who have same-sex attractions or relationships may identify as “queer,” or, for a range of personal, social or political reasons, may choose not to self-identify with these or any labels.

 The "T" in LGBT stands for transgender or gender non-conforming, and is an umbrella term for people whose gender identity or gender expression does not conform to that typically associated with the sex to which they were assigned at birth. Some who do not identify as either male or female prefer the term “genderqueer.” While it is important to understand that sexual orientation and gender identity are not the same thing, they do both reflect differing forms of gender norm transgression and share an intertwined social and political history.

One's innermost concept of self as male, female, a blend of both or neither – how individuals perceive themselves and what they call themselves. One's gender identity can be the same or different from their sex assigned at birth.

Gender expression - External appearance of one's gender identity, usually expressed through behavior, clothing, haircut or voice, and which may or may not conform to socially defined behaviors and characteristics typically associated with being either masculine or feminine.

Gender transition - The process by which some people strive to more closely align their internal knowledge of gender with its outward appearance. Some people socially transition, whereby they might begin dressing, using names and pronouns and/or be socially recognized as another gender. Others undergo physical transitions in which they modify their bodies through medical interventions.

L - lesbian (women who are attracted to women)

G - gay (umbrella term referring to people attracted to people of the same sex as them like men attracted to men)

B - bisexual (people attracted to both men and women, see pansexual)

T - transgender (person who does/did not identify with the gender assigned at birth, example: a man who identifies as a woman)

Q - queer/questioning (queer is also an umbrella term that kinda means not straight, i believe; questioning means you’re not sure of your sexuality or gender identity)

(P) - pansexual (person attracted to people of any gender, often described like “i just love people” or “i am attracted to their personality, not their gender”)

I - intersex ( Intersex people are individuals born with any of several variations in sex characteristics including chromosomes, gonads, sex hormones or genitals, it is when someone is born with kind of a mix of female and male anatomy)

A - asexual/aromantic (asexual is when people don’t experience sexual attraction to others, aromantic is when people don’t experience romantic attraction to others).

DRAG CULTURE -

“We’re all born naked, and the rest is drag.” These are words from RuPaul Andre Charles, one of history’s most famous drag artists and the self-proclaimed “queen of drag”—an art form that has existed since ancient times and has recently rocketed to mainstream popularity.

What Is Drag?

Drag is a gender-bending art form in which a person dresses in clothing and makeup meant to exaggerate a specific gender identity, usually of the opposite sex.

While drag’s main purpose has been for drag performance and entertainment, it is also used as self-expression and a celebration of LGBTQ+ pride. A typical drag show will include lip-syncing or dance, and performers often have elaborate clothing, hair, and makeup.

What Is a Drag Queen?

Drag queens dress in exaggerated women’s clothing and makeup to assume female roles and presentation. While most drag queens are men (often gay men or queer men), there has been an increasing wave of drag queens who are transgender or cisgender women.

A drag queen is a person, usually male, who uses drag clothing and makeup to imitate and often exaggerate female gender signifiers and gender roles for entertainment purposes. Historically, most drag queens have been men dressing as women. In modern times, drag queens are associated with gay men and gay culture, but they can be of any gender and sexual identity.

What Is a Drag King?

Drag kings dress in exaggerated men’s clothing and makeup to assume male roles and presentation. Many drag kings are women. The art form is less well-known in the pop culture world.

What Is the History of Drag?

Drag has deep roots in Western culture, specifically in theatre when women weren’t permitted to perform on stage so men would play female roles. Drag performers were featured as far back as ancient Greece and carried on through Shakespearean times.

In the nineteenth century, female impersonators began to use the medium as a performative art, especially in vaudeville shows. In the 1880s, the first drag queen, William Dorsey Swann, hosted drag balls at his home. By the early twentieth century, drag was tied to the LGBTQ+ community—a community that was marginalized in the United States—and it was no longer part of popular mainstream entertainment. Instead, performances became a major aspect of city nightlife, especially in San Francisco, Los Angeles, and New York City.

After the 1969 Stonewall riots in New York City and through the 1990s, gay culture and gay pride built mainstream support, and with that came popular drag culture as well. Films like the documentary Paris Is Burning, which chronicled African American ball culture in New York City’s Harlem neighborhood in the late 1980s, and The Birdcage, a comedy about a gay couple who run a drag cabaret in Miami’s South Beach neighborhood, helped bring drag into mainstream American culture.

How Did Drag Become Mainstream?

In the twenty-first century, drag culture is a pop-culture phenomenon. Drag is especially popular because of the reality competition TV show RuPaul’s Drag Race. On the show, contestants lip-synch, walk runways, do celebrity impersonations, design and create custom outfits, and more—all to compete to be crowned as the best drag show performer. The show also serves as a platform to highlight issues in the drag community; for instance, in Drag Race season one, a contestant discussed their HIV-positive diagnosis.

Iconic drag divas from the show include Sasha Velour, Shangela, Alyssa Edwards, Katya, Bianca Del Rio, Trixie Mattel, Courtney Act, and Alaska. Other popular drag queen shows and events include DragCon, RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, Wigstock, Drag Queen Story Hour, and drag brunch events.

RuPaul teaches you how to find your inner truth to overcome hardship, gain confidence, and live your best life.

Conclusion -

Almost all of them(LGBTQIA+ community) keep within the etiquette and decorum of their physical gender and they abide by social norms. It could safely be said that all of them are law abiding citizens, and they do not antagonize nor pose any threat to society. Therefore, they have all the rights of any other citizen and enjoy equal protection under the laws of this country.

The transgender community is very talented and is very much an integral part of our society. They have contributed to the nation as professionals, entrepreneurs, artists, fashion designers, makeup artists, television personalities, in the culinary field and, in fact, in all walks of life.

We need to be humane to this community and not condemn them as nature’s aberrations. After all, they are God’s creatures and have the right to live their lives as they choose within accepted norms and values.

As long as they keep their public image and mannerisms within the bounds of accepted propriety and decorum, they should neither be harassed nor discriminated against. Society needs to be tolerant of their physiological and psychological differences rather than condemn them as social misfits.

[kingsterracerp-blog]

LAUR will be picking up JACOB ST. JAMES as a second character.

OUT OF CHARACTER.

NAME: Laur AGE: 23 TIMEZONE: GMT +1 ACTIVITY LEVEL: 7/10; I’m usually online for at least a couple of hours every day, mostly in the evenings! PRONOUNS: she/her SHIPS: Will/Frannie, Will/Chemistry ANTI-SHIPS: Will/No Chemistry TRIGGERS: Removed. PASSWORD: Removed.  ANYTHING ELSE: Removed.

IN CHARACTER.

DESIRED CHARACTER: Jacob William St. James (goes by William) NICKNAMES: Will, Wills, Jacob/Jake (by his Mother only. She hates the fact that he goes by his middle name.) AGE/BIRTH ORDER: 29 FACECLAIM: Henry Cavill GENDER IDENTITY/PRONOUNS: Cis-Male, He/Him SEXUAL/ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Publically, he identifies as being heterosexual but privately believes his sexuality is more fluid than that. HOMETOWN: Manhattan, New York OCCUPATION/EDUCATION: Managing Director of The St. James Hotel Group.

(MORE) IN CHARACTER.

POSITIVES: driven, charismatic, intelligent NEGATIVES: materialistic, image-driven, stubborn

@JWStJ: I liked it so I put a ring on it. Happy Anniversary to the lady who keeps my heart @FRANNIEFABS. Delayed flights are not conducive to celebrations but I’ll be home soon. @JWStJ: Excited for my first night in the latest #StJamesHotel [image] #australia @JWStJ: Thankful for friends that walk behind us and take shots like this. [image]

BIOGRAPHY.

Jacob William St. James was the first child born to Jeffery and Margaret St. James and from the moment he was able to walk, the weight of the family image and name was placed on his shoulders and he had to learn how to balance. His Mother doted on him, and it was clear from the beginning that he was his Father’s pride and joy. His Father worked, a lot; it was rare that the family was able to dine around the table as one and following the birth of the twins five years later, Margaret opted to travel less, distance herself from any part of the business to ensure they had at least one ever present parent. Overall, his childhood was an incredibly privileged and happy one.

The St. James Hotel Group had been started as a small B&B by his great-grandparents and while the company had expanded in ways no-one could have imagined, the importance of hard work and the daily grind wasn’t lost on anyone; it was a lesson passed down from Father to son. He started ‘working’ for the family business at the age of ten and he thrived. He learned early on that the good manners instilled in him by his Mother and a smile inherited from his Father could get him far; and Jeffery discovered his son had a natural flair for working with people.

High school came and went in the blink of an eye. He knew what was expected of him from the outset and he put his head down and worked hard throughout his four years there. He was in constant competition with his peers. It wasn’t good enough to just be the top of his class; he had to impress outside of the classroom too. He handled the pressure with a kind of grace unlike most young men his age would have; and the entire way through high school, he worked weekends throughout the various departments in the St. James at Times Square. His passion for the business only grew; he became fascinated with learning how each individual department was organised, and how managers ensured their department was run with the greatest efficiency.

When it came to college, Harvard was the only choice. That was his legacy and the natural choice was studying business. College was the first time he really let loose a little; he was out from his Father’s watchful eye and he was able to experience life as any other normal college student. He graduated the Valedictorian of his class, and opted to remain at Harvard to study his Masters. That would turn out to be the best decision he could have possibly made because that was the decision that led to him meeting Francine Fabray.

He had never given much thought to dating; he’d always been too busy with other things to really take any relationship seriously but Frannie had him stopping in his tracks. They started dating almost immediately but their relationship wasn’t one that lasted. They were on and off throughout Francine’s college years but even when they weren’t together, they were friends. Real friends. She was someone he was able to confide in, someone he trusted with just about everything. He proposed to her on August 28th, just three months after she graduated. It was a very conscious and planned decision. He’d taken the diamonds from his Grandmother’s engagement ring and had them reset into something entirely to his girlfriend’s taste; and he poured his heart out to her. He was head over heels for her and he was confident that more than anything else, he wanted to spend his life loving her.

Settling down in Boston, and starting their lives together wasn’t exactly what he’d pictured. He was considerably busier than he’d expected; his position in the company required him to travel more than anticipated and while initially, he’d always assumed any time he travelled, his wife would accompany him; her responsibilities now prevented her from doing that. He could see how much she loved NOVA and he’d never ask her to step away from that. There was definitely a distance between them now that had never really existed before but it hasn’t shook his feelings for Francine. Unbeknown to her, he’s working on scaling back his responsibilities for a few months’ at least; he misses her and he’s suddenly realised he’s becoming more and more like his Father and that’s not someone he wants to emulate in his personal life.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST STRENGTH? HOW DOES IT COME IN HANDY?

I’ve been told I’m pretty charming. It’s definitely a strength over things like the fact that I’m hard-working or being intelligent because honestly, sometimes those things don’t help get people on your side. The nature of my job means that more often than not you have to be able to sweet-talk and charm people to being on your side, working with you.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESS? HOW DOES IT AFFECT YOUR DAY-TO-DAY LIFE?

I have tunnel-vision. It’s a strength and a weakness but as I get older I’m becoming more and more aware of the negative aspects. I become entirely too focused on projects and I tend to forget the rest of the world exists.

WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN TEN YEARS?

I don’t even want to think about ten years down the line; approaching thirty is as much scary as I can handle right now. In ten years I’ll still very proudly be on my wife’s arm and hopefully we’ll have a couple of kids. I see myself being happy.

WHAT BROUGHT YOU TO KING’S TERRACE?

After we got married, we needed to find a base, somewhere to settle temporarily and we landed on Boston. I travel a lot for work and I prefer to do that from the East Coast; Fran has an office nearby so King’s Terrace works as a short-term move.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME AND TELL YOUR YOUNGER SELF SOMETHING, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Don’t work so hard; have more fun.

[somepersonalqueerrunes]

A lecture noone wants

So... Recently, I’ve been having a lot on my mind. Approximately 4 things at once. I thought it might be helpful to write it down, sort through it. And considering how quickly these thoughts are racing, it seems far too slow to write it down with ancient runes in a tucked away notebook like I normally do. While reading through “Symptoms of being human” by Jeff Garvin (For the second time, might I add), I though “Hey, why not write them down as runes and then share it on the internet!” (Thus, the name Some Personal Queer Runes, Rune for short). Original as it may be, it seemed too convoluted, and I can’t find any good rune font that would work on most screens. No more runes, bar those of the Latin alphabet (Hey, the name of the blog also spells out SPQR, what a happy coincidence!). Anyway, I ought to fix up the appearance of this blog eventually, but today, I think I’ll stick to two things. Tell you a bit about myself and tell you two nice things that happened today. [End of rant] (Was it a rant? Was it just me feeling I need to explain my every move? Probably both.) A Christmas, a couple of years ago, I was reading a book (”Magnus Chase: The hammer of Thor” by Rick Riordan). There, a particular aspect of a character resonated with me, and I realized I am gender fluid. Now this is the part that annoys me, I live in Norway, and most of the people I’ve met here, is very openminded to sexuality and gender identity. Heck, I was given that as a topic for a minor exam I had to do a few years back. Regardless, no matter how open-minded people are, few know of all possible gender identities (Who does?). It just seems that whenever I say “I’m gender fluid” I also need to give a lecture explaining what it is. Nobody wants a lecture. I don’t because I feel anxious enough about telling them I’m gender fluid, and whoever I’m lecturing is victim to a huge information dump that if successful, would permanently change how they perceive me. I don’t even feel qualified to hold a lecture on the topic. I’ve had the most success using a series of animated gifs. I’ve already managed to mention two books that explain it, but they are both different in their explanations, and (naturally) neither of them explain exactly how it is in my specific case. However, my explanation will borrow a few elements from “Symptoms of being human”. Now, let’s end this rambling (honestly, I should rename this blog to “Some Personal Queer Rambling”) and start “The lecture” [Cue sarcastic yay] Most people perceive gender as binary (meaning only having two possible states). For these people, it is as if in the womb, there is a switch, and it is either set to male or female, and is then stuck in that position from then on, to death and beyond. In LGBTQ terms, these are referred to as Cis (Pronounced sis as in sister). Some feel that their gender does not match the sex they were assigned at birth. Plenty here transition then from what they were assigned at birth to the “opposite” sex. These people form the T in the LGBTQ alphabet soup, in other words, transsexual or transgender. Some people perceive gender as a spectrum (imagine the colour spectrum, the whole rainbow) where what normally called boy and girl, or man and woman, are merely two shades amongst an indefinably large sea of colours. A term popular here is Non-binary, and there are plenty of gender identities in here. If you’re still following this line of logic, I first of all want to congratulate you on being a patient and intelligent human (or other species) being, thank you for still reading. Then we come to the more fluid view. To gender fluid people, their gender identity is a bit more fluctuating. The gender they identify with changes over time. For some it changes over years. For some it can fluctuate many times in an evening. I have myself experienced identifying with one gender for a whole week, then fluctuate several times in a single day. This is the gist of being gender fluid, gender is not a solid state, like a rock, it’s a fluid, like water. (Come to think of it, the sound of gender freezing and/or evaporating feels strangely appropriate.) The genders gender fluids fluctuate between changes from person to person. Alex Fierro from Riordan’s works is described to essentially toggle between male and female at random. Meanwhile, Riley from Garvin’s book describes it as a compass that instead of north and south has masculine and feminine. The compass is always changing without Riley’s control. It’s not a switch it’s a dial, constantly changing. I bet this all sounds confusing. I’m frequently confused myself. How is my gender fluid experience? I feel like it’s a map, or a co-ordinate system. I’m not certain which. Instead of north and south, it has masculine and not masculine. Instead of east and west, it has feminine and not feminine. Both ranging from 0% to 100%. Sometimes I feel masculine, sometimes feminine, sometimes between, neutral, sometimes I feel both. Most of the time, I feel like one of the aforementioned states, but leaning in a direction, like neutral leaning towards masculine, or female leaning towards neutral. I need to keep track of where I am on this weird gender map, I’m stilling figuring out how to read it, I only really started looking at it this spring. If you understood that, wonderful! If you did not, welcome to the “Confused by gender club”! [Cue small background yay and confetti] For reasons I’m not going to go into here, I somewhat stopped exploring my identity shortly after the burst of realization I was gender fluid, and really only picked it up again this spring. Because this fall I began at a “Folkehøgskole” (Essentially, a one-year school focused more on learning than getting through the curriculum, and students are viewed at equals to the teachers, and primarily, one subject is focused on through the year) and I wanted to be comfortable enough with myself to introduce myself at the start of the year as gender fluid, and be free to fluctuate as much as I needed throughout my stay here. Long story short, I didn’t reach that goal, albeit I did make some great strides. Now I’m sitting here, in my dorm-room that I’m supposed to share with someone that I share gender with, but it doesn’t always match. If I want to go to the toilet or shower, I have no other option, but the rooms labelled with male or female, which I particularly have avoided these last couple of years due to not wanting to enter the “wrong” restroom. I’m nearly constantly surrounded by other people I have not told of my gender identity. There is hardly any time I have enough privacy to wear clothes that do not match what I was assigned at birth, without being seen. Thus far, my gender has “fortunately” been mostly “frozen” (yes, I’m now using that term to explain my gender) as what I was assigned at birth, but the fear and confusion as to what to do when that stopped was suffocating. Then, these last couple of days, it has been fluctuating like crazy, bouncing all over my little gender map. Regardless, right now, I wanted to tell you the two good things that happened today. First of all, our first assignment was to create a small video or something similar, that explained who we were. We were allowed to be as artistic, liberal and deceitful in our project as we wanted. Knowing the video would likely only be showed once, and probably not reviewed frame by frame, my theme became to show some very personal information in the video, but so quickly and drowned out by other information no one would have a chance to catch and process more than a hint of what was going on in it. Today we showed our projects to each other, and a guy in my class noticed that “Symptoms of being human” was briefly featured in it and asked me afterwards if he could later borrow the “white book with the Hitler haircut on the cover”. He still wanted to read it despite me explaining that it had nothing to do with WWII or anything else he would expect. That makes me hopeful. I brought the book with me here to more easily explain a part of myself, and it seems that might happen. It’s far easier to say “I have this in common with this character from this book” than it is to say “I’m this, you probably don’t know what that means, let me give you a lecture. He shall have it once I’m done re-reading it. Assuming he promises to return it to me unharmed. It isn’t a book sold in Norway. The second thing was small and simple. While playing a card-game arranged by the school (Werewolf, similar to mafia or town of Salem), someone was referred to as her, and they quickly corrected “I prefer “hen”” (Hen is a gender neutral pronoun used in Sweden, since Norwegian has no gender neutral pronoun in the dictionary, many uses this one from Swedish, as we otherwise use the same pronouns) and everyone was ok with it. It shouldn’t surprise me as “Discrimination based on gender identity” is illegal in the rules of the school, but I have nevertheless been terrified about telling anyone about that part of myself regardless. I wanted to applaud them and give them a pat on the back for doing something so simple, yet important that I was too cowardly to do. Of course, my cowardice prevented me from doing that too. These are such small simple things, but they mean the world to me, they give me hope. Although I didn’t make my last goal, I’m not giving up on it. My new goal is to be comfortable enough with my identity to reveal during this year that I am gender fluid. Sooner better than later. And I guess this will be my (b)log documenting it. -Rune

[quiteaweirdguy-blog]

1; I’m a closeted trans guy giving you advice on the internet?

I am a trans guy. I am currently closeted to my parents, and have decided to come out tomorrow. The reason I’m writing this is because I would like to support any other trans guys who also are going through an experience.

--_--_--_--_--_--_--If you are in denial B)

If you were in a phase of denial, or currently are exploring the topic, this is for you. Number 1: If you are still in custody of your parents or guardians, the computer may not be your first option to research transgender (If you don’t want them to find out).

Number 2: Ask yourself why are you thinking about this? What caused you to bring this topic to light, and how much does it consume your mind? If it is consuming your night time existential life crisis (Admit it, everyone does this), then you are probably at least gender queer.

Number 3: Do you experience body dysphoria? Do you feel like you are in the wrong body? Every time you look in the mirror, do you think to yourself ‘This doesn’t feel right’ are you dissatisfied with the frame of your body? Do you feel like you are locked in a prison (Aka your body) and watch life go by?

Number 4:Do you dislike your pronouns? If you are dissatisfied with your pronouns, what do you prefer? Since a young age, I never liked how Ms. or Mrs. sounded, and today, I loathe she/her pronouns as well. If you don’t like how they roll off the tongue, then what pronouns connect with you?

~-~-~-~-Here come your snarky comebacks.

Now you may be thinking (I’m regarding more towards FtM here) ‘Well I grew up as a very feminine child’ And I was the same. When I was a toddler, I refused to wear anything but a dress. I wanted to wear makeup at the age of 5. Eventually, all of that changed when I moved schools in the 4th grade. My previous ego and self confidence had been stripped away, because I pictured life like a movie. I wanted to think of myself as ‘The timid new girl who falls in love with the football captain’ but now, after developing a reluctance towards society, I leaned more towards tee-shirts and jeans. Once I got into middle school, nothing about my fashion style was feminine besides my long hair. When these thoughts had surfaced in my mind, I would keep on going in between female and gender fluid. Nowadays, I have my thoughts all squared together and have concluded that I am male. Often times one will be in denial until a voice from anywhere but their head utters a sentence, even if it’s discreet, doesn’t oppose your mind.

If you are thinking that you would loose something if you transitioned to male, then you should consider the possibility that you are gender fluid. Here’s a quick run down of what it means to be gender fluid or non binary.

It means to not conform to one or the other genders. Imagine gender like a line. There are two ends to the line. Each end represents one gender. Some people are between the genders, like someone may be 75% male, or maybe they move around. Maybe they aren’t even on the line. Maybe they are above the line, or below the line. Maybe they are in the 3rd dimension. That may be an overstatement, but you get the point. (I hope :/)

If you feel perfectly happy in the body you were born in, and you love the gender you were born as, then congrats, you are cisgender and you are reading this for no reason (Besides your possible trans phobia)

I’m in no way a professional, this is entirely based off of my research. I recommend you either call a gender therapist or read an article written by one.

=====>Coming out preparation guide to protect your fragile egos! :3

Just the thing you are looking for if you are having trouble with coming out, or hiding your identity. (Sometimes not coming out is the best idea depending on your situation. Just search up Boyinaband’s song called ‘spectrum’ for reference. It doesn’t directly refer to transgender, but it’s still a good example)

In my computer, I hide a file with a strange name. It has no words in it. Just numbers and letters. In my computer, I create a maze of files that one has to fish through if they do not know the code. The folders are labeled randomly, and for the useless ones they only branch out to a certain extent. I make it large enough for anyone to give up unless they have memorized the code. Why did I make a large maze of folders you may ask? Simple. It’s to hide away a very precious document. I write everything that may help me into coming out.

Sometimes I will store research that I conduct on my phone; a place where none of my parents can access my search information (As long as they don’t know the pass code) It is recommended that you change your pass code if your parents are constantly trying to get in. If your phone has fingerprint detectors, it is a good idea to remove their fingerprints from the phone. In terms of conducting research on my computer, my computer reports my activity and website visiting every week to my parents, so unless you want to be outed by a search engine, it is advised not to use the computer.

The reason I store this information is so that I can easily access it if reference is needed in an argument or for future transition. (It is also a good place to hide sneaky burns for transphobic people hehe...)

One of the other reasons I have this file is for emotional rants. If my body dysphoria gets bad enough, or if I’m just feeling like soaked turds because of my current status, I will go to rant there.

And the last, and most important reason of all, is for preparation. I prepare a speech and the possible outcomes for coming out. I recommend you prepare multiple and determine which one suits your parents the best.

I don’t have hardcore christian parents, and neither do they show major distaste for LGBT. They tell me they will be supportive if I liked girls (Which I do, but that’s beside the point), but underneath the surface, I can tell they wouldn’t be extremely proud of me either. They never told me they would be supportive if I was trans, but I know they would try.

The thing with me, I don’t care what people say about me, what I really care about is what they think of me. I know my parents deep down wouldn’t be too keen on the idea of their daughter becoming their son. They would have never thought that their beloved child was not who they thought they were.

Not to mention my best friend. If the word ‘trans’ is brought up anywhere near her parents they would gag in disgust. Then how she is supposedly 100% straight. (I may like her just a little) she would just call me a ‘Lesbo’ as she calls it.

If you are worried about your family disowning you, and they show obvious disgust for the LGBT, then please don’t come out until you are independent. It could lead to you being abused, kicked out or anything else that sucks. HOWEVER don’t internalize everything. It’s not healthy to internalize everything. It’s like being a sponge.

These thoughts are the water, you are the sponge. The sponge soaks up water, until it can’t store any more. It begins to deteriorate.

So, please, find an outlet for this and get in contact with a friend, supportive family member or even a stranger online like me (Not advised. I’m bad at socializing :3)

I’m also in a bad situation her as well. At school, I’m prone to teasing from other boys, since I am a girl in their eyes. They tend to be absolute brats, and that would be even worse if I transitioned. Not to mention I am in NJHS (National Junior Honor Society). I don’t think they want one of their role models to be a trans guy.

Don’t be ashamed if you are nervous. I’m the one up at 2 in the morning typing this. Trust me, internalizing this won’t make your life easier. If you don’t trust your parents enough, tell one of your closest friends first (If  they aren’t transphobic)

You will feel so much better you did.

Don’t live your life as a stranger to yourself please.

[eachdubh]

On My Mind

Ever since that church experience I wrote about, gender has been increasingly on my mind. It’s not that I don’t think I’m on the right track, I got over the angst that I’m doing something wrong the same morning while talking with a friend. But I’ve been reflecting. I’ve tried to bring my brother into a conversation about it, sort of do a check in on where he’s at in relation to me, but… Well, I’ll just have to try again. So I don’t really have anyone to talk to, nobody that normally provides a sounding board for me other than my husband. And he’s really great, and loving, and supportive, and I couldn’t ask for a better nesting partner…. But he can only provide his own perspective, and I really want to know how the other people I love are doing.

Anyway, because I’ve been spending so much of this time in my own head, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. My sister once told me that she doesn’t understand, because she doesn’t know what else is going on. I’m trying to look at that like “I don’t know where you are emotionally or psychologically, and so I don’t understand” rather than “I think this is masking some other problem”, because I think that’s what she meant, but I’ll be honest… The second is totally how I originally interpreted it. Anyway, her comment has stuck with me, because she’s right, I have a hard time communicating what’s going on in my head.

Around the time I hit puberty, we’ll say 14 or 15 (I was kind of a late bloomer), I began to really question my gender. I’d had thoughts before then, like wishing I had a penis, wishing I had been born a boy, even wondering what it would be like to be trans (there was a trans girl in my middle school who was out, so I was aware of the possibility), but until puberty they were more like… Fondly visited thoughts and contemplations. I didn’t spend a ton of time thinking about it, I didn’t obsess, it wasn’t like I dwelled on those thoughts. Oh, I felt out of place, and I did often visit those thoughts, but I didn’t totally reject my female-ness. Not until puberty. I was very upset that I didn’t develop breasts as early as the other girls, but that was because I was socially rejected for not having them. I only began wearing bras when I was a full B cup, and didn’t start shaving my legs until social pressure became too great. I have a little bit of a moustache, and I didn’t shave *that* until I was an adult and became ashamed of being un-feminine. So those are physical signs of what I was going through emotionally.

Emotionally, I was beginning to question and reject my gender. Quietly, because I was afraid of losing the few friends I had. I only remember saying something once to somebody, and it was pretty vague. I remember telling someone that “if I were a dude, I’d be totally gay” in a conversation about sexuality (which isn’t quite true, but… Mostly true). In fact, I often found myself crushing on other gay men, occasionally not even realizing they were gay. I often made comments about how nice it must be to be able to stand and pee, or walk around shirtless, but… What woman doesn’t envy those things at some point? Anyway, in my head, I kept wishing I’d been born a boy, and at 14 those thoughts were no longer passingly wistful. I found myself identifying better with boys than girls. I found myself wanting to hang out with boys more than girls (and not just because I was attracted to them). I wished I could join boy scouts. I even wrote mainly from male perspectives when I wrote poems or stories. Over half of my role play characters were male.

I continued to question my gender for a few more years, all very quietly. I thought about gender reassignment surgery for a good deal of that time, even made lists of the pros and cons that I saw (I did not do a lot of research on what was available at the time, however, I didn't want to do that until I was sure I wanted it). By the time I moved out of my mother’s house, at 18, I had decided to remain female. I even actually “celebrated” that decision by going out and buying myself more female clothing and accessories, at 19. I made that decision based on one thing I knew about myself: I really, really enjoyed being feminine, on the occasions I felt feminine. As rare as that actually occurred, on those occasions I felt happy and rejoiced in my femininity, and I didn’t want to give that up. It’s was ok, I reasoned, for a woman to be a tomboy. And so, at 19, I boxed up all of those desires and emotions and put them away. I was a woman, and a woman I would remain, and wishing I had a penis wasn’t helping anything. I still played male characters in my online gaming, and I still wrote from male perspectives, but I made a concerted effort to do that less than half of the time. I should be happy to be female. Of course, in my dreams I was still male more often than not, but I tried my best to ignore that. I certainly didn’t talk about it. Incidentally, it was also at 19 that I began shaving my moustache.

Fast forward a number of years, and I met a man who would help me pull out that box of emotions and desires, and crack it open. At age 26 I cracked it open just enough to admit that sometimes, I really still wanted to be a dude. I admitted that I was sometimes a dude in my dreams. I admitted that the idea of dressing in drag and going out was more than just a little appealing. I began calling myself gender fluid. By the time I married the man who had encouraged and supported me in unpacking that box, I was out to a few select friends and to two of my three partners, and had “gender fluid” in my dating profile on OkCupid. Now, at age 29, I mainly present and identify male, my dating profile on OKC says both gender fluid and transmasculine, and I use entirely male pronouns. I still crossdress, but I now consider my crossdressing to be as a dude wearing women’s clothes. I do not consider myself to be a drag king. I still find happiness in my occasional bursts of femininity, but I find fulfillment in my identity as a dude.

I’m still unpacking that box. I’m still finding myself. There’s still a lot that I haven’t fully come to terms with, and how I present myself to the world will still probably continue to change. I have to face fears and uncertainties that I haven’t faced in ten years. And not only that, but I have to face friends and family who had NO IDEA that I was going through all of that as a teen, let alone my more recent exploration that began three years ago. I only just came out to most people (everyone that I wasn’t already out to) several months ago, and even though I have been going through this for some time, it’s still pretty new to some of my loved ones. I try to keep that in mind as I attempt to have conversations about it with them.