#back when I was in elementary/middle school???

[sfispnk]

Now that I know a bit more about myself and who I am in a romantic /sexual sense, all those instances when I doubted my "feelings" for others make sense as well.

In middle school, my friends had crushes and some of them talked about kissing and sex but I didn't find it particularly interesting or relevant.

I used to "like" a boy but when we became a thing I didn't want to kiss or hug him, it seemed weird and out of place.

I met another boy at the same school, he was sweet and asked me to be his girlfriend, I accepted because my friends seemed excited about it but I felt the same as always. I kissed him goodbye (just a peck) and he froze but I continued my way home without thinking about it more.

I thought it was normal to just "confess" you like someone and they would just say "oh cool" and move on but in elementary school, I said a boy was cute and the next day he was following me around expecting me to do something (although I still don't know what, we were 9 years old.)

Another time in elementary school, my classmates wanted me to kiss a guy they thought liked me, so they tried to drag me to him but I ran to the bathroom. They pulled me out of it despite my resistance and when they had us both in front of each other trapped in a people prison, I turned around and they all said "what a shame" and left.

It's funny how it all makes sense now but it hurt my social connection and understanding back then.

[smiley-positivity-potato]

before i transitioned i remember people would say sometimes i behaved like a boy. i could tell they meant to say it in a way that they thought would discourage my boyish behavior; while encouraging my "improvement" with my journey into womanhood- but it had the opposite effect.

i remember the days i didn't get to choose the clothes i wanted to wear as a girl because of a "man's glance"; yet i couldn't tell them about my own want to cover myself so NO ONE could glance at me. no one but MYSELF. for the only boy's glance i really understood was my own.

i remember the jealousy and envy i would feel for the boys in my class after the janitor would bring them back during Math. They had just helped as volunteers to carry some boxes to the dumpster. and i had raised my hand; but i wasn't allowed to help. because even though the janitor enjoyed me as a model student, i was still just a "girl". and even with us all being the same size, we weren't labelled the same. even in elementary.

i remember trying to hang out with the boys in my highschool after realizing most of the girls didn't like me in elementary. i stood out and didn't want to be in a clique back then, so i decided to try something different. i didn't want to do makeup, dances or play much with dolls as a child. i just wasn't interested. and even in my teens, i still didn't enjoy it all very much. i didn't like most boys and girls back then. i just was going through so much. and being autistic made it harder to understand how to fit in with everyone when i didn't feel like them. so i didn't truly have friends of all genders until middle school and high school.

but even as i hung out with the boys, i still was seen as a "girl". i was small, with a high voice and a lot of energy. i had an undercut, baggy clothes and a lazy way of dressing but the days i would wear a tight shirt everyone would become different. and i didn't know until it was over. i was petite and very short. my tiny stature made people think i was just a delicate girl but luckily i had a loud and aggressive personality. but i later learned, boys AND girls started to like me because i seemed like an "aggressive girl".

i realized in my adulthood, when i look back, that i still stood out, no matter what I did. and i realize the boys i hung out with held back conversations most boys usually had. because i was still different; even though i liked girls, and didn't dress like them, unless forced. i didn't dress like a girl unless i had to for my parents and for safety. and even though i was experimenting with my gender at the time, people just thought of me as a "girl" no matter what. and i couldn't hide it.

i realize the girls accepted me once i started looking attractive and stylish to them- due to my mother's attempts at making me look like a "girl" and my own individuality. it was rare i actually found true friends. except for two people in my life from school, no one lasted. and it was confusing to try to learn how to be a "girl" when I was not. i was a non-binary transmasc man. i am a trans man.

and all my life, my family and people around me viewed me as a "girl" and tried to take the "boy" outta me. but they failed. and they always will. but back then, their glances would make me so anxious that i would eventually just stare down at my feet in public. the forced feminization that i had to endure, was suffocating. and i wondered to myself would i ever be happy. but finally, FINALLY, one day i was able to say i am a man and i started living my life. and i can see that them forcing their version of womanhood on me just guided me to my true path. they didn't discourage me from being a man.

they just helped me realize, i was MY biggest hero and that i needed to encourage MYSELF TO BE STRONG. for i made it through years and years of discouragement, transphobia and misogyny alone. and if i can prove them WRONG, i as a man, can be happy with that alone.

[rosicheeks]

1. What did you dream about last night?

Uhhhm I’ve been having these weird dreams about this dude I knew senior year of high school.

[gentlenotes-moved]

hey, you guys. life gets so much more fun when you let yourself enjoy the small pleasures of life, love your friends loudly and wholeheartedly, and let yourself be loved.

[plulp]

whitney (design kinda mid but its alright ill deal with it)

[flamemons]

kouji finds that his new brother is really supportive of his art.....maybe he doesn't have to keep his hobby a secret.....

[truthsinwhispers]

People are soooooooooo quick to shit on people who deal with emotional disregulation it makes me fucking sick. When you express your stress through tears you're a crybaby. When you're quick to frustration, you're either overly dramatic or you're violent and scary. When you have the gall to get too happy, you're childish or straight up crazy.

Living with emotional disregulation comes with having to grow thick skin because people will call you every fucking name under the sun because you have the audacity to express emotions that are constantly ramped up to an eleven no matter which one you're feeling. You're loud, you're sensitive, you're overemotional, you're weak, you're soft, you're childish, you're naive, you're too much you're too much you're too much you're too much you're too much you're a burden because people now have to handle you.

Where do people think they have a right to judge others for feeling? I may be quick to express my emotions, but you're quick to judge and condemn and on a societal level that should be worse.

[alltheoutsinfreeeee]

is there any magical girl anime still out there that doesn't have any fanservice? Shows like Precure, Cardcaptor Sakura or Madoka?

And if there isn't, are there at least any shows where the fanservice isn't with elementary school girls?

[avengerchuck]

Why are you awesome

All in a day's work, buddy!

[venisonsteak403]

I'm so used to being insulted that if someone called me a bitch or something I'd be like: "Okay." And move the fuck on

[bitchthefuck1]

One of the weirdest things about finding out you're traumatized/mentally ill/neurodivergent as an adult is looking back at all the very obvious signs in your childhood and realizing none of the adults responsible for you were paying attention

[nomsfaultau]

if I had a nickle for every time I was forced to read a classmate's manuscript where an immortal falls in romantic love with a child, I'd have two nickles, which isn't a lot but it's really really awful that it's happened twice in one week -_-"

[chickenisamazing]

It's been so nice going to the masjid for Arabic class every weekend and getting to sit next to my best friend is so nostalgic

[mumblesplash]

thinking about it the art skill i am the absolute most confident about is expressions, mostly because looking back it’s the thing i’ve always gotten at least a little bit right. looking through old sketchbooks of mine even if i wince at everything else about the art from subject matter to style to execution the one thing that holds up is the way emotion is conveyed through a character’s face/movements, it’s kind of cool

[grimdarkenedhope]

fucking lol at the stealth terf who accused me of Not All Men-ing her for simply pointing out that women can (and must certainly do) be as abusive and gross as men can be and that casting all women as "not behaving like that" will only serve to create more abusive evil women by absolving them of responsibility for their actions by virtue of gender.

she then assumed my gender based on my appearance by claiming im "going against my own", so i pointed out her terf rhetoric and nb erasure and thanked her for the gender euphoria, and she reacted by calling me a lunatic and a pick-me-girl

[tiktaalic]

How do I know it’s summer because I’m listening to greeeeeeeen day babey