#because I did not want to get stuck in the emotional spiral

[potato-elf]

fellas I have good news - I picked up a diary and actually write in there to work through my complicated feelings instead of blasting them on main! (I say as I will vent a little bit in the tags but its a positive vent this time around)

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

First, let me apologise for making people worry. I appreciate all those who reached out and I'm sorry that I couldn't get back to you all.

I have been through a very rough spiral. It was building for months, and I am still not fully okay.

For those who want context, it's under the cut.

I bought a house in May. It's expensive. I wasn't ready financially or in many ways for that step, but my partner convinced me. I told him as much but I was not heard. Alas, I have a mortgage, full time work, astudent loan, and an ongoing school program to contend with. It hasn't been easy and it caught up to me.

At the same time, a person who traumatised me and I have no way of fully extricating from my life, has moved closer. To keep the peace, I have to associate with him to a degree and he pretends that nothing ever happened. To him, it was nothing.

In June, I moved. It was hard and fast paced. I did most of the paperwork etc for the whole process and obv helped with the physical transition as well. I was responsible for deadlines and checklists for not just myself but my partner.

I was plugging holes in a sinking boat.

At the same time, I had obligations to my family. Every weekend if I wasn't dealing with the house and all that goes into it, I was running around to babysit or see family or whathave you.

In July, I pinched a nerve behind my tailbone. I missed a week of work bc my injury but it took longer for my to recover. I am still feeling it today. It was more than physical, but emotional.

I also got three periods that month. Hormonal can't begin to explain how fucked up I've been.

On top of all that, there are underlying issues associated with other trauma and discontent. I'm realising that I have been loyal and tolerant to the point of my own detriment.

I don't want to hurt people how I've been hurt, so I don't speak up. When people tell me something about myself, I let all the doubts planted in my mind from years of abuse convince me that they're right. I can admit my faults but often times I will think that proof of one flaw means everything about me is rotten.

People forget about me or just don't care. Both or either. They don't put the same effort in that I do. I find it hard to connect because years of disregard and neglect have told me that the other side just won't care.

But I'm not just hurt, I'm angry. I'm seeking therapy and trying to figure this out.

It all boiled over after my last post. Nothing I do is enough. For anyone. Not even when it's a hobby. I was frustrated bc the place I use for escape just made me feel like less than.

Obviously, I don't mean everyone or even the majority. I appreciate the discourse and fun and everything here! There are so many awesome people to interact with and I have missed you all, however, my headspace was bad. Very bad. I had thoughts I haven't dealt with in years.

I put my nose down and just went to work. I didn't wanna talk to anyone. I didn't wanna be in the world.

I did some reading, eventually some non-fandom writing, and sometimes, I just stayed alive.

I don't know if I'm really okay but I'm trying.

To those who have been so patient and supportive, you deserve everything. To those who are silent supporters, you do too. And even to those people who send me the most vile hate, you deserve to lift yourself out of the dark space you're stuck in. Hopefully, I can, too.

[tiyoin]

pt.2 | 📍pt.3 | pt.4

im fighting my demons to go to my classes today, so I wrote some more

there was something so... paralyzing about going to class.

after what happened you couldn't budge going back. its been a week yes. but time didn't change emotional residue that stuck and clung to you whenever you thought about leaving the ramshackle.

backpack strapped to your person and hands clenching the straps, you were ready to go to school. yet with each passing second you stood at the door. quiet, contemplating.

you've been through so much worse than this! this is the easy stuff! just open that door, walk to class, sit, learn / day dream, and run back to ramshackle while you waited for your second class.

easy enough right?

wrong.

the splinters in the door didn't seem to move the harder you stared at it. the longer your eyes glazed over each discoloration of the wooden door. yet the more you looked at it the more the handled disappeared and the more wall-like it became.

you could do this. its not like you're going to die. right? "scratch that" you muttered, thinking about how this school has had a handful of overboots in the past few months. who knows if you accidentally trip and fall, having your pencil in the side of your backpack fly out and stab someone in the eye.

causing an overboot.

boom, instant death.

or! what if you got yourself a treat from the cafeteria today (lunch) and accidentally trip?? causing yourself to not only look like a fool in front of the entire school, but maybe you got your treat on one of the leeches!

instant death.

you let out an exasperated sigh. fuck. your hands that were once clutching the straps of your backpack were now rubbing against your eyes aggressively.

you wanted to cry. your mind relenting as your tear ducts sprung into action and steadily glided down your face.

why couldn't you do this one simple thing??

its literally so easy. just move your sorry butt and get to class. it's okay because yuu is there, grim is there....... okay, so yuu and grim are there-

your mind thought back to silver and kalim. ever since you interacted with the two your mind has been in limbos about whether you should call them your friends or not. I mean, should they even be on the podium for a poetical friendship?

what if they didn't want to be your friend? what if this was all some sort of elaborate school wide joke to make you look like a fool? like some kind of loser?

dropping your hands to your side, you started fanning yourself. the insidious thoughts swirling in your mind as they kept spiraling and spiraling. each thought was more outlandish than the last as you tried to breathe.

you had noticed your breathing pick up. trying everything in your power to control your emotions, yet it was useless. each self assured thought battled valiantly against each worry. yet Seth each good thought there were about 10 bad thoughts there to counter.

fuck.

why were you such a failure? its literally class. you dont even have to talk! just go there!

but that's exactly what spooked you enough to throw your bag on the floor. you couldn't be there with all those eyes on you.

with a defeated, angry huff you stormed to the dusty, stripped couch. tears long exchanged for angry growls and grumbles as you plopped yourself on it before standing up. you walked back and forth in front of the couch because you had to do something-anything. you needed to distract yourself from these thoughts.

yet the one thing you wanted to do was so out of reach for you, ... yet it was right there.

you were trapped in a glass house with nothing but your fear keeping the door closed.

"oi what's the the racket!"

you paused your pacing. 'when did I start pacing?' you thought to yourself for a moment. shrugging it off, you looked around to try and find the person who's voice that belonged to.

yet there was no one. no ghosts nor grim-

"what're you doing stand'n there like a chicken? dont'cha got class?" you followed the voice to the stairs. and low and behold was the magnificent grim. paws at his hips with a judge look, right before he yawned.

'cute' you thought with a deep breathe.

your fanning motions slowed down with each step grim descended. you didn't bother listening to his yapping as you walked closer to your furry companion.

"I uh..."

"couldn't do it?" he asked bluntly. your cheeks heated up as you nodded softly, a bit embarrassed that someone as... grim like, could point that out.

he sighs once he's at a step that's eye level with you. he pointed with a smirk "listen, I normally dont do this, but the great and powerful grim must show his henchmen some beevlence"

"benevolence" you corrected

grim rolled his eyes, giving you a deadpan expression "yeah, that's what I said"

you gave him a thin lipped 'uh huh' as he continued.

"so! I'll let you carry the great grim to class!'

'... this little shit is capitalizing on your anxiety to catch a free lift! that little asshole

but then again... free emotional support animal

but it's the principle-

yeah and we're going to be having another meeting with that bird-brain if we dont keep up attendance.'

you battled with yourself for a moment. weighing the pros and cons of using each other. grim would definitely not shut up about it when you're carrying him... but... free hugs.

"oi, why you making faces?"

"sorry, I just got lost in thought" you smiled sheepishly. taking a deep breath, you looked him in the eye. "okay, that works for me"

grim cheered before complaining how tried he was from gym yesterday. yet you faintly recall the feline scouting out a place under the bleachers to take a cat nap under.

yet you also recalled how Vargas found him (you and yuu snitched) and made him run 5 extra laps because of all the new engird he must have💪

you laughed to yourself at the memory. your mood slightly lighting as you shooed off another one of grim's questions.

bending down, grim clambered happily in your arms as you adjusted your hold on him. making your way back to your discarded book bag, you carefully bent down, making sure not to drop the... fat cat.

there was no way to say it nicely.

fluffy? soft? fun-sized?

slinging the bag on your back, you paused for a moment to adjust the straps and the cat in your hold. once were both situated and you were positive weren't going to move, you made your way to the door.

you tried focusing on grim. on his soft fur, random yapping, and even the warmth his ears protruded.

once you were back at your oaky wall, you took a deep breathe. the deepest oe you took all day. closing your eyes, you shot your hand towards the door and aggersivly opened it.

and to your surprise; there was no one there.

no dragon to smite you where you stood

no annoyingly obnoxious person waiting to point out your flaws,

no towering upper class-men ready to stare you down the moment you read on their radar

not even meteor.

there was nothing. and yet you still paused. still hesitated.

your eyes surveyed the courtyard in front of you, searching and scanning for anything besides from trees and distant buildings. anything besides the overgrown weeds and cracked cobblestone.

"oi c'mon, we'll be even later than the late bell! hurry it up!"

jolting at the interruption. you reached for the door before closing it. now you were trapped outside. grim hurried you again, starting to squirm in your arms in annoyance.

your mouth and feet work in unison as you kept your eyes locked on the gate.

"how would you describe yourself grim?"

and you know what, the walk wasn't as bad as you thought.

--

its a bit shorter than the rest (so far) but I had to build a bit to the next part.

[sweetstars-posts]

SKINNY,

M. STURNIOLO x FEM!SINGER!READER

(if you don't want to be a singer, it could be anything in the public eye, it’s only mentioned a little!!)

WARNINGS — mentions of eating disorders, depression, anxiety, ALSO pet names (bc apparently that triggers ppl or smth).

a/n — this is a deep story based on billie eilish’s new song, skinny. as someone who faces troubles with eating, i wanted to make this for me and for those who need it <3

word count — 1.5k

(not proofread)

The rain is hitting the glass of my bay window as you stare helplessly out of it. The window opened a crack; the smell of fresh rain wafting into your room.

Your eyes are dull and lifeless — like you’re waiting for something that won't ever arrive. There's an aching feeling in your stomach, one that isn’t just nerves.

Your body ached as you haven’t moved from the soft plush cushions of the bay window for a couple hours.

Nothing in life felt appealing right now. The constant bodyshamming from the public eye got you back into a seemingly never-ending spiral.

People only seem to like you if you’re skinny. Eating was always a struggle, but now it almost feels like a game. Competing with yourself over and over again for trying to reach a certain weight goal that you won’t realistically achieve.

Everyone keeps saying you’re happier now. But are you? No. Complete sadness overtook you, but it was okay, because now you’re skinny.

But you also felt guilty.

You haven’t spoken to your boyfriend Matt in a couple days. You’ve been dating for 3 years and he knows every single thing about you. You still don’t have the energy to get up and try to find your phone which is nowhere to be found at the moment.

But knowing Matt, he probably knows what’s happening again. This seems to always happen. It’s like a record player that keeps repeating and repeating until the vinyl slowly starts to scratch and warp.

Your eyes falter slightly but they never seem to fully close. It’s like they can’t.

Your mind is racing 20 miles per hour but you can’t seem to comprehend a single word going through your brain.

The phone rings, the sound coming from somewhere in the mess of sheets on your bed.

A little while has passed and your phone still hasn't stopped. The obnoxious ringing made you even more aggravated. Yet somehow you felt stuck, like you couldn’t move to get your phone.

The sound absorbed into a dull hum from all the thoughts racing through your head.

You felt numb and lifeless. Like you were viewing yourself in a VR headset.

Time shaped into nothingness as your bedroom door creaked open. Your boyfriend, Matt’s, head peeks through the door.

His eyes soften as he sees your fragile figure on the soft cushions.

He closes the door behind him as he walks into the room. He makes a mental note to clean your room for you later. As he nears you, he sits on the floor, in front of the bay window.

His soft hands, grab your hands lightly, “I got you, it’s okay,” he finally breaks the silence.

Short jagged breath’s release your mouth, as you finally move your eyes away from outside, to him. He slowly moves to hold your head between his hands.

Tears slowly start to prick your eyes, yet you still don’t look away from him. Tears flow and flow, you have no control. Strangled breaths release, as you struggle to catch air.

“Hey, hey, I got you,” Matt’s fingers brush your tears away, his cold rings sending a series of chills down your spine.

Matt brought you into a warm embrace, lowering you down from on top of the seat, to his lap. He cradled you as if you were a broken fragile doll.

He pressed kisses towards your head, letting you release all those pent up emotions.

Neither of you knew how much time had passed, nor did either of you care.

Your breath’s evened out, and your tears died down. And Matt was still there by your side.

“Do you wanna talk?…” Matt questioned after a while.

“I’m just….tired” Your small tired voice let out.

Matt kissed your nose lightly before slowly standing up, pulling you up with him. He made his way to the bathroom connected to your room.

Upon setting you on the counter, he turns on the bath, letting it run for a little. He got everything ready — your clothes, a brush, and got all the small essentials, as you got in the tub.

He washed your hair, lathering the shampoo lightly. He then grabbed your brush and slowly brushed through the large matted knots.

“How about…after this we go back to mine? We can watch Inside Out because I know how much you love that movie,” His offer makes you smile, “And then we can work our way from there, how does that sound?”

You nod in response, too exhausted to speak.

After finishing up, Matt slowly helped you into one of his large sweaters and some pajama pants. Matt started to grab your phone and small things you would need to stay over (although most of your things are already at the triplets house).

“You ready, baby?” Matt extends his hand out towards you.

You grab his hand with a little small smile. Whatever joy you had in you was put towards Matt right now.

Matt led you to his car, opening the passenger seat. You could tell Chris sat there last. The seat was reclined and the seat was altogether far. You smiled at the way Chris left it.

“This kid doesn’t know how to fix his seat, I swear” Matt complained, as he helped you fix the seat.

Matt soon got into the driver side soon after closing your door.

“Where too?” Matt asked gently.

You looked at him in confusion. Weren’t you going to his house?

“C’mon, baby, we’re going somewhere to eat. Even if it’s something small, just… get something in your system.” Matt rubbed his hand against your knee.

The thought of food makes you want to throw up on the spot. You hated that he knew, but you loved that he cared.

“Nowhere..” You mumble quietly, head against the window.

You didn’t want to make this harder on Matt. But the genuine guilt fills you by just thinking about laying a finger on food.

“Sweetie, you need something.” Matt started the car, but ended up driving towards his house, “When we get home, you can have some toast. Even one slice, okay?”

You silently nod.

Matt pulled into the garage. As you and Matt make it inside, you can already hear Chris and Nick yapping about some movie they are watching in the living room.

As much of a bad mood you could be in, those triplets will always put a smile on your face.

Matt’s hand rests on the lower section of your back, gently guiding you through the basement. The two of you slowly walk up the stairs.

Chris and Nicks heads snapped towards the stairs as they heard footsteps, obviously Matt had told them.

Nick came running up to you guys first. He pulled you into a light hug, holding the back of your head with his hand, rocking you ever so slightly.

He pulled away, his hands resting on your face, “I’m so glad you’re okay, kid.”

Chris pushed Nick out of the way, “HEY! My turn”

Chris pulled you into a bone crushing hug, way more strong than Nicks. You smiled slightly into his shoulder.

“We were all so scared,” Chris whispered quietly.

As you guys pulled away, Matt grabbed your hand again, walking you towards his room, but not before bidding a small bye to Nick and Chris.

Matt closed the door behind him, as you went to sit on your designated side of his bed.

“I’ll be right back okay?” Matt kissed your head gently, before walking out of the door.

Matt had started to make a small piece of toast. Knowing you won't want to eat the other half, he put it on a plate for Chris to eat later.

Matt walked the short trip to his room, pulling the door open.

“Here, love” Matt put the plate on your lap.

You slowly grabbed at the piece of toast. Guilt swarmed you like a bunch of bees. Instead of taking a bite, you just stayed there.

Matt was now seated on his side, “It’s okay, Baby, it’s fine,” He rubbed your arm encouragingly.

Slowly but surely, you ate the piece of toast. Matt put on “Modern Family” while you ate. He never pushed you to eat faster, he was comforting and only wanted you to be comfortable.

“Good job!!” Matt’s large smile was contagious, it made you smile too.

As some time passed, you guys just stayed in each other’s presence. Not many words were said, but it was a comforting silence that everyone needs in their lives.

You and Matt were all cuddled up, your head resting on his chest. His hand rubbing your back gently.

His soft touch and actions, that lured you into a soft slumber.

“Goodnight, my love” Matt kissed the top of your head, himself feeling awfully tired.

At the end of the day, all you needed was a loving soul to guide you through your troubles. And Matt was that person. He was the light in your dark cave.

[ladybyakuya]

| RACETRACK + SAKURA HARUKA.

+cw. — fem!reader, fluff, love & comfort, realization of love. | ft.tsubaki + bofurin first years.  inspo.

+wc. — 1k 

+syn.—  when the impromptu fashion show at Show Pub Ougi bar turned the trajectory of Sakura’s emotions towards you he could not help but chase it.

+notes. — this is for flufftober ‘fond moments’ event hosted by @spookuna. i sort of am proud of this piece so please give it a shot.  mdni cuz im eighteen plus blog. | redirect to blog navigation.

The evening has just sprouted. Sakura can hear the soft jingle of the door danglers as people start to turn up one by one. This is not his first time at Show Pub Ougi bar he can not seem to remember how many times exactly has it been; maybe Nirei can help. Sitting in a different Green room, more like a Stock room of different kinds of clothes and accessories his mind could not help but drift off to what was happening outside of this room. Besides, he can hear your giggles along with Tsubaki’s and Narita's voices. Why the walls are so thin? Nirei and Suo must be busy patrolling the surrounding streets along with others but he is here, sitting amongst rows of clothes trying to learn to “depend on others.” and “trust others to get the job done.” because he wants to yet keep spiraling now and then thinking about all the what not perilous possibilities out there like a worried mom. Maybe Nirei is just fine, after all, Suo is there with him. They must be having fun eating street foods while he is rotting away with you occupying his brain.

Sakura exhales a strong sigh and lets his eyes fall for a few seconds, finally leaving his seat to look around. While at it, his eyes fall on a pair of red shoes with sticks attached to the heel section. How do people walk wearing this again? He remembers the first time he noticed Tsubaki’s heels it almost scared his wits out thinking how flawlessly he could fight in those. What would it feel like to walk in those? Would those shoes fit him?

“Sakura, you haven’t got changed —?” Your voice trails off as his eyes fall on you while you stand near the entrance of the room. At first, his eyes dilate in surprise and then slowly move downwards till his eyes get stuck on your toes that had the same pair of shoes. He realizes he is staring when you pull the curtain to cover yourself with a “humph” pouting a little but it does little to cover your feet. 

“Yeah! I will change soon.” Sakura glances at the dress that he is supposed to wear which was selected by none other than Tsubaki himself.

“You don’t like the suit?” 

“No, I do. But I was wondering what shoes I’d wear. . .” You look at him with a little surprise in your eyes since he does not get too embarrassed asking you all this. Oh dear! Has no one told this boy yet? You branch out your index finger while your other hand lets go of the curtains saying, “Those. . .heels.” pointing at those sky-red pair of heels.

But as soon as this fact sinks in Sakura his jaw drops and he protests immediately, “But I can’t. . . “

“Why? Everyone else will be wearing it too.” Sakura’s shoulders relax again. He reconsiders. 

“Do I have to walk in those?”

You finally enter the room. “Of course. Walking is compulsory.” with each click of your heels, Sakura’s eyes follow you with rapt attention. “C’mon try it on.” You say extending your hand out, “I’ll help.”

It takes a few seconds for Sakura to put his hand in yours but those few seconds had spiraling thoughts like . . . will he fall? What if he falls and you laugh at him? What if he fails to wear those heels? — but he pushed all those thoughts aside because he did not want to miss the fun anymore. 

Sakura slowly slips one of his feet into the heel, then tries to stand to slip the other. He is shamelessly grabbing your hand while just standing there looking at you and then looking at his feet. He does it a few times before you softly speak not to shock him even though he looks adorable like this. “Try walking Sakura. I’ll keep holding your hand. Don’t worry.”

Even with heels, you are shorter than him and now he is in heels so as he slowly learns how to balance you find it a little challenging to balance his imbalance out. So, you come in front guiding his hand over your shoulders because if you guided them to your waist he would get too embarrassed to continue this. He is making good progress so far. “See! It’s nothing hard. I remember the first time I tried heels.”

“And—?”

“And I fell right on my face ‘cause there was no one to hold my hand. . . ” Sakura notices that by now one of his hands is at the back of your waist and the other is filling the gaps in your fingers as you walk backward while he follows almost reaching the exit of the room. Sakura does not stop but his steps sure become slower but time does not slow down. It never does even if he wanted to make it slower or stop for a while. “ . . . and my first heel was black. My uncle bought me one when Grandma . . . ”  Sakura is barely listening to you. You know that too yet you try to keep talking to keep his attention on to somewhere else. He can only hear his quickening breaths and feel his drumming heartbeats threatening to explode his chest open laced with a faint presence of your voice at the back of his mind.

It is surprising, even to him, how he has not felt embarrassed one bit all this while. Come to think of it, he has been feeling like this around you for a while now; as if he is sitting under a sakura tree looking at the setting sun while his skin feels tingly due to a cool breeze. Is this what it feels like to fall for someone? Like lying on the soft moss-green grass on a ho.t summer day under a tree trying to get used to the sun. 

By now, you are standing outside the room disentangled from him while he is standing inside the room, arms branching towards you as he is glimpsing at you with fascination in his eyes like he is watching the birth of a supernova. . . wait exactly when did all these feelings start to bloom?

[inou-ie]

Pairing: Jingliu x female reader

Warnings: NSFW, fingering, scissoring, aftercare.

Author's notes: To celebrate me getting Jingliu and because I can't get her out of my mind after I did her companion mission. I just want to love and take care of her. :(

MDNI

Seeing Jingliu lying beneath you, breathing heavily, truly warms your heart. The way she spreads her arms, inviting you to embrace her, stirs your emotions even more. She looks so vulnerable... so fragile in this moment.

"More... " Jingliu murmured softly, and you could still see drool in the corner of her lips and tears staining her eyes, making it clear how much she's enjoying the pleasure you've been giving her. You leaned down, wrapping your arms around her in a tight embrace before planting a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Of course, as many times as you want." You planted another kiss on her cheek before reaching down between her legs. Jingliu let out a soft moan, still trembling from her previous climax and the sheets beneath her were already soaked.

You watched as her face contorted with pleasure when you plunged two fingers inside her once more, rubbing against her sensitive spots while your thumb gently massaged her clit. The sensation was too much for her to bear, she already came twice after all. Causing her body to arch back and fill the room with a loud moan of ecstasy.

"I'm... close again..." Jingliu panted, her hands finding their way to the back of your neck and the other resting on the back of your head. She stuck her tongue out, silently begging for a kiss which you quickly obliged by taking her tongue into your mouth.

You could feel her moans against your lips as she tightened around your fingers, clearly indicating how much she loved it when you kissed her so deeply. Her hands ran through the back of your neck while her other hand tangled itself in your hair, sending shivers down your spine.

"Let it out, don't hold back." you whispered against her lips. You couldn't help but smile as she pulled you back into a deep kiss, her usually cold demeanor completely gone at this moment. As your tongues danced against each other, teeth scraping deliciously, Jingliu let out a low moan that vibrated through your entire body.

As you pushed your fingers deeper, gently poking at her deepest spot over and over again was enough to send Jingliu spiraling towards the edge. Her body trembled uncontrollably as she clung onto your arm like a lifeline, seemingly pleading with you not to stop yet. With a small nod, you curled your fingers inside her, rubbing against her g-spot until her eyes rolled back in her head from the intense pleasure.

"I'm gonna cum...!" As Jingliu's orgasm hit her, she shook her head in disbelief at just how intense it was. Her body trembled uncontrollably as waves of pleasure washed over her, squirting out around your fingers and soaking the sheets beneath.

You pumped your fingers gently, prolonging the peak of her pleasure as much as possible. The look on her face - a mix of astonishment and pure ecstasy - filled you with an indescribable sense of joy and fulfillment.

"You came a lot again..." you whispered with a warm smile as you watched Jingliu catch her breath while gazing at you. "Stop mentioning it every time..." She frowned, but it quickly transformed into a smile as your lips met hers in another gentle kiss. The kiss lingered for several seconds before you both pulled away.

"One more?" You asked her softly, your fingers gently brushing against her wet folds. "One more..." Jingliu nodded eagerly, her gaze still soft as she sighed in anticipation. "But... I want you to feel good too..." she added while her hand wandered to reach inside your shorts, her touch was cold yet comforting as she played with your clit, making you moan on top of her.

"Take this off..." Jingliu tugged on your shorts, pulling them down along with your underwear. The sight of her this desperate was truly adorable, so you quickly leaned back to slide your shorts and underwear down. Revealing how wet you were from pleasuring her all this time.

"This too..." She tugged on your shirt this time, her hands trembling with impatience as she tried to pull it off you. "Take everything off." Jingliu said firmly before sitting up and pushing you onto the bed. With a gentle yet urgent touch, she removed all of your clothes until you were both naked.

"Let's feel good together..." Jingliu whispered, sitting on top of you. You gave her a nod and smiled softly before suddenly yelping in surprise when she lifted one of your thighs up, positioning herself perfectly between them. Her hands wandered all over your body as she leaned down to capture your lips in a gentle yet passionate kiss. With a determined look in her eyes, she pressed her wet pussy against yours, moaning into the kiss as your bodies melted together.

Jingliu moaned in every thrust, hugging one of your thighs against her body as she ground your pussies together. You arched your back involuntarily at the intense pleasure coursing through you when your clits rubbed against each other. It felt like an electric current shooting straight to your core, making you gasp and whimper underneath her.

"Feels so good... don't stop..." You looked at Jingliu with pleading eyes, and she gave you a faint smile despite her drunken state of pleasure. Her swollen clit continued to rub against yours, making wet sounds as your pussies melded together in perfect harmony. The sight and feel of it all sent shivers down your spine, leaving you both trembling and moaning in sync.

You could feel the climax building inside you, causing your moans to intensify. Jingliu moved a bit faster now, her eyes filled with desire as she sought to bring both of you to the peak together. With one final thrust, she came all over your thigh and pussy, cum mixing together in a sticky mess. Panting heavily from the intense pleasure, tears streamed down her face while she held onto you tightly.

"Ah.. hah.. I love this... I love you." Jingliu whispers softly, holding you close as she buries her face in the crook of your neck. You can't help but chuckle, feeling Jingliu's body tremble against yours.

"I love you too... let's get some rest." you whispered tenderly, tucking a stray strand of her hair behind her ear and sealing your affection with a gentle kiss on her forehead. Jingliu responded with a warm smile, and you experienced your heart racing, yet it brought an incredibly comforting sensation.

Jingliu continued to lie atop you, resting her head against your chest, listening to the rhythmic beat of your heart. You pulled a cozy blanket over both of you, then enveloped her in a protective embrace as the two of you nestled together in comforting warmth.

"Goodnight..." You heard her whisper before she let out a satisfied sigh. Watching her peacefully drift to sleep, a smile graced your face before your own eyelids grew heavy. "Mhm... goodnight..." you whispered in return, and both of you fell asleep in each other's arms.

[armandology]

DM fic recs tonight? DM fic recs tonight queen??

devils minion fic recs tonight anon!!!

domestication of the species by blueskiddoo

It’s not how Daniel expected to find him. Ever, really. Even at his lowest, shaken up by Daniel’s little coup d'etat in Dubai, he’d been panicked but somewhat put together, at least compared to this. This is gone off the rails right off the deep end. Did anyone actually arrest him, or did he break in for this little tableau? How dramatic do you have to be? “Hey, c’mon.” Daniel says, snapping his fingers. “Let’s go, pal. I’m busting you out of here.” armand spirals and daniel gets tapped in to pull him out of it. it's not exactly the maker-fledgling reunion he prepared for.

like a butterfly, i will collect you and capture you by oxmox

“I want to learn everything about you,” he says earnestly. “You’re my firstborn.” Daniel’s chest tightens, but he tamps down the emotion so that Armand can’t feel it. Instead, he shrugs off his leather coat and hangs it up despite the blood drying the collar. It’s a problem for tomorrow. “Yeah, well,” he mutters, crossing the room to get into the kitchen. “That’d be a lot easier to do if you stopped running out on me.” or, Armand likes traveling, so Daniel suggests a road trip. It helps that Armand can’t run away with him if he’s stuck in a car.

there are enough beds in daniel's apartment by sburator

There are enough beds in Daniel's apartment - and yet. Armand invites himself to Daniel's apartment after the divorce blow-up in Dubai. Daniel endures.

no choir by mercuryhatter (aka @armandposting)

Louis checks in on Daniel while he and Armand are having a night in.

tell me it was inevitable i’d end up with scars by oxmox

“Nuh-uh,” he breathes against his maker’s bitten-pink lips. “Nice try, but I’m playing nice tonight.” Armand frowns; this time, it’s truly a pout. Daniel’s heart swells up with fondness at the sight. He nuzzles their noses together- pets a hand up Armand’s bare flank, feeling the warmth of his skin. They’d fed mere hours ago. “I know,” he can’t help but tease. “I know, I’m so awful, wanting to be gentle with you for once.” alternatively, Daniel wants to be gentle with Armand because no one else ever has.

sip the gossip, drink 'til you choke by andrealyn

It's only fair. If Daniel's allowed to hang out and talk shit with Armand's exes, then why shouldn't Armand get to do the same with Daniel's ex-wives?

[goddessofvalyria]

RIDE OR DIE pt.2 | Aemond Targaryen x fem!oc

PART 1 / PART 2 / PART 3

GIF di sabrinaacarpenters

Summary: Aemond Targaryen is the owner of a famous strip club, the Blue Pearl. One night he visits the club and asks for the best girl, unaware of the consequences of his choice…

TW: 18+, MINORS DNI, She/Her pronouns, the fem!oc is named Maddy with long brown hair and blue-green eyes, oral (f and m receiving), fingering, SMUT, sexual tension, sex, sex, sex, drug use, Modern Aemond in Modern AU.

English is not my first language, be kind <3

This is my Masterlist

Words:

What will happen now that Aemond asked Maddy to go out on a date?

Read here under the cut!

She said "Yes" to a date with Aemond Targaryen.

Maddy stands in front of the small mirror in her bedroom, carefully applying the final touches to her makeup. Her long brown hair cascades over her shoulders, contrasting with the smooth, black fabric of her sheath dress. The dress is from Shein, simple yet elegant, hugging her curves just right, and paired with black heels that add a touch of sophistication. Her blue-green eyes, highlighted by her makeup, stare back at her with a mixture of excitement and nervousness.

As she applies a final coat of lipstick, the familiar sound of raised voices echoes from the living room. Her sister, Maya, is yelling, and from the tone, Maddy knows it's directed at their mother, Miriam.

"Maya, stop it! She doesn’t need this right now," Maddy shouts from her room, her voice carrying a plea.

But Maya’s voice continues, dripping with frustration. "Why can’t you do anything right? We’re stuck in this hellhole because of you!"

Maddy sighs, her heart sinking as she puts down her lipstick. She knows their mother’s illness has taken a toll on everyone, but it’s Maya who has changed the most. The weight of their situation is pushing her to a breaking point. Maddy quickly slips on her heels and leaves her room, bracing herself for what awaits her.

In the living room, Maya paces back and forth, her face flushed with anger. Their mother, frail and pale from the effects of her illness, sits in her worn-out armchair, her eyes filled with tears.

"Maddy, are you going out?" Miriam asks weakly, her voice trembling.

"Yes, Mom… I am. But I’ll be back soon," Maddy reassures her, trying to sound more confident than she feels.

Maya suddenly turns to Maddy, her eyes glinting with a strange intensity. "Before you go, there’s something you should know."

Maddy frowns. "What is it?"

"I spent all the money," Maya blurts out, her voice both defiant and guilty. Maddy feels a cold wave of shock wash over her. "What? Maya, what are you talking about?"

"The money we had saved… I spent it. But don’t ask me how or why. I don’t want to talk about it," Maya replies, her tone harsh and defensive.

"You did what?" Maddy’s voice rises, the anger and despair mingling inside her. "How could you? That was for Mom’s treatment, for us to get by!"

Maya avoids Maddy’s gaze, her expression hardening. "I said I don’t want to talk about it, Maddy."

"Maya, what the hell is wrong with you?!" Maddy shouts, her emotions spiraling out of control.

Their argument escalates, the tension between them bursting into full-blown yelling. Their mother watches helplessly, tears streaming down her cheeks, unable to intervene. The weight of their desperate situation has finally broken through the thin veneer of calm that Maddy has been trying to maintain.

Finally, unable to bear it any longer, Maddy grabs her small black purse and storms out of the apartment. She can’t face Aemond, not like this, and not here. She needs time to cool down, to gather her thoughts. She doesn’t want him to see the reality of her life, the poverty and the struggles she faces every day.

Maddy walks briskly to the bus stop, her heels clicking on the pavement. The night air is cool, and she takes deep breaths, trying to calm the storm inside her. She has told Aemond to meet her in the city center, where it would be easier to hide the truth of her life from him. But when she reaches the end of her street, she freezes in her tracks.

There, leaning casually against a sleek black Porsche 911, is Aemond. He is dressed in a black shirt, leather jacket, and jeans, his appearance both sharp and relaxed, as if he is perfectly at ease in any situation. He looks up as she approaches, his gaze locking onto hers with an intensity that makes her heart skip a beat.

Maddy’s face flushes with embarrassment. Her neighborhood, with its rundown buildings and graffiti-covered walls, is a far cry from the kind of place someone like Aemond would be used to. She worries that he will judge her, see her as nothing more than the poor girl from the outskirts of the city.

But Aemond’s expression doesn’t change. He simply smiles, a genuine warmth in his eyes that makes her feel a little less self-conscious.

"You’re early" he says, pushing himself off the car and walking towards her.

Maddy bites her lip, trying to hide her discomfort. "I didn’t want you to wait too long."

"I don’t mind waiting," Aemond replies softly, his gaze sweeping over her as if he can see right through her defenses. "You look stunning, by the way."

"Thank you," Maddy whispers, her voice almost breaking. She can’t believe how much she has wanted to impress him, how much she has hoped that this date would be different, something special.

Aemond opens the car door for her, and she slips inside, grateful for the privacy of the sleek vehicle. As they drive towards the city center, Maddy can’t shake the feeling that Aemond knows more about her than she wants him to. She can’t help but wonder if he has seen the argument, heard the shouting. But he doesn’t say anything, and for that, she is grateful.

The restaurant Aemond chooses is intimate, with dim lighting and a relaxed atmosphere. It isn’t the kind of flashy place she had feared, but rather somewhere that makes her feel comfortable. As they sit down, Maddy finds herself relaxing slightly, the earlier tension easing away.

Maddy enjoys the date more than she expects. Aemond is attentive, genuinely interested in what she has to say, and she finds herself laughing at his dry sense of humor.

But then, as the evening wears on, Aemond asks the question she has been dreading.

"So, Maddy, how did you end up working at the Blue Pearl?" His tone is gentle, but there is a seriousness in his eyes that tells her he isn’t just making small talk.

Maddy stiffens, her earlier unease flooding back. She looks down at her plate, her appetite suddenly gone. "It’s a long story," she replies, trying to keep her voice steady.

"I have time" Aemond says quietly, his gaze never leaving hers.

Maddy hesitates, the walls she has built around herself starting to crack. She wants to trust him, but the fear of being judged, of being seen as less than what she is, holds her back. "It’s just… things have been tough," she finally says, her voice barely above a whisper.

Aemond reaches across the table and takes her hand in his. His touch is warm, reassuring. "You don’t have to tell me everything, not if you’re not ready. But I want to understand you, Maddy."

She looks up at him, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. For a moment, she considers opening up, telling him about the struggles at home, the sacrifices she has made, the pain she has endured. But the words won’t come. Instead, she simply nods, squeezing his hand in return. "Not tonight, please."

“Not tonight.”

After dinner, Maddy and Aemond step outside the restaurant, only to be greeted by a sudden downpour. The rain falls in heavy sheets, the kind that soaks through clothes in seconds. Maddy shivers slightly as the cold droplets splash against her skin, and Aemond quickly pulls her closer, shielding her from the worst of it.

“Looks like we’re not going to get far in this,” Aemond says, his voice gentle but amused. “Why don’t we head to my place? It’s not far from here.”

Maddy hesitates for a moment, the offer catching her off guard. But the warmth of his presence, the way he has treated her all evening, makes her feel safe. She nods, a small smile playing on her lips. “Okay, let’s go.”

Aemond drives them through the rain-soaked streets, the city lights blurring in the distance. When they arrive, Maddy’s breath catches in her throat. Aemond’s mansion is massive, a sprawling estate with towering walls and elegant architecture. It’s a world away from the small, rundown apartment she calls home. As they drive through the gates, Maddy sees a large courtyard, meticulously kept, where a big dog is running around, barking happily despite the rain.

“Vhagar,” Aemond explains as he parks the car. “She’s a bit of a handful, but she’s harmless.”

Maddy smiles as she watches the dog run circles in the rain, feeling a warmth she hadn’t expected. Aemond opens the car door for her, holding an umbrella over them as they make their way to the front entrance. The mansion looms above her, every detail exuding wealth and comfort.

Once inside, Maddy takes in her surroundings, marveling at the high ceilings, the ornate furnishings, and the sheer size of the place. Everything is immaculate, every detail perfect. It’s overwhelming, a stark contrast to her own life.

“You can take a look around if you want,” Aemond says, his voice soft as he watches her. There is no hint of arrogance in his tone, just a simple offer.

Maddy nods, walking slowly through the large entryway, her fingers lightly brushing over the polished surfaces. The house is beautiful, but more than that, it feels lived in, like a home rather than just a display of wealth.

“I don’t want to seem disrespectful, Maddy” Aemond whispers, his voice low and sincere. “But now it might seem the opposite to you, pretty girl.”

Before she answers, he lean in and kiss her. The kiss is slow and deep, his lips warm and soft against hers. Maddy feel herself melt into him, her worries and insecurities slipping away as she wrap her arms around his neck. The taste of the cocktail linger between them, adding to the intoxicating mix of sensations.

Aemond pull her closer, his hands tracing gentle patterns on her back. The kiss is deep, growing more passionate, and Maddy feel a fire ignite within her. All the tension from the night, from her life, seemed to dissolve in that moment. She want to lose herself in him, to forget everything else.

They break apart for a brief moment, both of them breathless, their foreheads resting against each other. Aemond’s eye search hers, asking a silent question, one that Maddy answer by pressing her lips to his once more, with a renewed urgency.

The world outside the mansion, with all its struggles and hardships, seemed to fade away as Aemond guided her gently, lovingly, to his bedroom. The rain continue to pour outside, a steady rhythm that matched the beating of her heart.

Maddy and Aemond undress each other, their clothes falling quickly to the floor. In Aemond's eyes, Maddy looks ravishing: long dark hair, blue-green eyes, full lips. Such a beautiful, sweet, kind and intelligent girl forced to sell her body and dance for hours and hours for men. Aemond caresses her lips with his thumb, she is so damn beautiful. In Maddy's eyes, Aemond still standing seems like something forbidden: how could someone like him want her? Once again she finds herself dazed, staring at his body, his toned abs and a strong but soft chest. His arms as long as his hands. His v-line was defined that marked his hips and then, his manhood long, erect and painful for her.

Maddy can't help but pull his hair when Aemond finally presses his mouth fully against hers again, he makes her back up on the bed until she is lying on it. "Let me take care of you" He advances towards her, cowering against the covers as his warm body overtakes her. Under the soft light of the dim LEDs, Aemond appears like a forbidden vision and the feeling of his lips wrapped around Maddy's breasts and his hands placed softly on her thighs, keeping them apart, makes her gasp shamefully and he slowly moves down with kisses, tracing a wet trail from her breasts, her abdomen, her hips to her pussy.

"I'll eat you, pretty girl" Maddy feels herself melting under his touch. Aemond kneels on the floor in front of the bed, pulls her by the thighs and with two fingers opens her soaking wet pussy. Maddy looks at him completely submissive, completely flexible to his will. "Aemond…" her body trembles, her legs tremble. Aemond buries his face in Maddy's pussy, spreads her with two fingers and notices how fucking wet she is for him. He starts to lick her, Maddy starts to move her hips against his face, her legs wrapped tightly around his head, shaking, arching as she moans his name. All she feels is his mouth and fingers torturing her. Aemond's hands travel firmly to her hips to hold her still, Maddy shudders against his lips, Aemond adds his fingers sliding them into her.

Aemond continues to push his fingers into her, so tight and wet, he devours her as if it were his last meal, but he doesn't make her come. Maddy moans, her hands in Aemond's long silver hair. "Aemond…" she moans, arching her back, Aemond licks her clit, fills her with two fingers and then makes her come on his fingers. The orgasm overwhelms Maddy, leaving her immersed in pleasure. Aemond lifts himself onto the bed, kneeling in front of her, takes his manhood caressing himself a couple of times, leans over her, who feeling his erection press between her thighs, moans biting her lip when. Maddy feels Aemond's naked and hard length rubbing against her opening and getting wet from her, pushing only the tip inside… only to pull out a few moments later. "Please" Maddy whispers, Aemond moves the tip of his length to her clit, Maddy grabs a breast with her hand. Aemond grabs a condom from the nightstand, tears it from the packet with his teeth and puts it on. "I want you, I want you so badly that I'm ashamed of myself" Aemond whispers against Maddy's lips as her hand tightens around his length, aligns itself with her wet pussy, gradually pushing into her with a loud moan. The way his manhood penetrates her makes her moan shamefully beneath him, my hands meet her back and my nails dig into her skin.

"Aemond" Maddy whispers tightly to him. "Shh, it's okay" Aemond kisses her tenderly on the lips, Maddy tightens her arms around his neck. "Be a good girl for me" he whispers into the crook of Maddy's neck before slowly moving inside her unable to hold back his little moans. It's too good, too heavenly, too forbidden. The sound of their skin rubbing fills the room, along with their moans. Aemond pushes into her, his breathing heavy, he licks her nipple and caresses it with his thumb, Aemond grabs her thighs He feels her pussy tighten around his length, her hips thrusting towards him as he opens her up on his erection and she scratches him sensually on the back.

"My good girl" Aemond whispers completely lost in pleasure. His hand reaches for Maddy's thighs moving his fingers just enough to bring them to the edge. She feels her legs tremble and Aemond go rigid.

"Come with me" Aemond holds her in his arms, feels Maddy come tight to his cock and he fills the condom, collapsing on her sweaty body.

As the rain patters gently against the windows, Maddy and Aemond lie entwined in each other’s arms. The warmth of their bodies, the softness of the sheets, and the lingering intimacy from their sex create a cocoon of safety and comfort. Maddy rests her head on Aemond’s chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, while his fingers gently trace patterns on her bare shoulder.

For a few moments, they simply lie there in silence, both savoring the closeness they’ve found. The outside world feels distant, its harsh realities momentarily forgotten. But as the quiet settles over them, the weight of unspoken words begins to press down, urging them to speak.

Aemond is the first to break the silence, his voice low and hesitant. “Maddy, there’s something I want to tell you… something I haven’t shared with anyone in a long time.”

Maddy lifts her head slightly, looking up at him with curiosity and concern. “You can tell me” she whispers, her hand resting gently on his chest.

Aemond takes a deep breath, his eyes fixed on the ceiling as he begins to speak. “My family… we’re wealthy, obviously. But that wealth didn’t come without a price. My father was a hard man, driven by power and ambition. He pushed us, my siblings and me, to be perfect, to live up to his expectations. And when we didn’t… well, he wasn’t the kindest man.”

Maddy listens intently, sensing the pain in his voice. She sees the shadows of his past in the way he speaks, the way his body tenses at the memories.

“My mother… she tried to protect us, but there was only so much she could do. My brother and sister dealt with it in their own ways, but I… I turned inward. I became cold, distant. It was easier that way, to shut everyone out, to pretend I didn’t care.” Aemond’s voice grows quieter, more vulnerable. “But it’s lonely, Maddy. I’ve been alone for so long.”

Maddy reaches up, cupping his cheek with her hand, her thumb brushing gently against his skin. “You’re not alone anymore, Aemond” she says softly, her voice filled with sincerity.

Aemond turns his gaze to her, his eyes searching hers for reassurance. “I want to believe that” he whispers, his hand covering hers. “But it’s hard to let go of the past.”

Maddy understands all too well. The pain of the past is something she carries with her every day, a burden that never truly goes away. She takes a deep breath, deciding to open up as well.

“My life hasn’t been easy either” she begins, her voice wavering slightly. “My dad left when I was young, and my mom… she got sick. Cancer. We don’t have the money to treat it properly, and I’ve had to do whatever I can to make ends meet. My sister, Maya, she’s… struggling. She made some bad choices, and now we’re stuck in this never-ending cycle of trying to… survive.”

Maddy’s voice cracks as she speaks, the emotions she’s kept bottled up for so long finally spilling out. “I never wanted this life. Working at the Blue Pearl… it’s not what I dreamed of. But I didn’t have a choice. It’s the only way I can take care of them, of my family.”

Aemond’s grip on her tightens, his heart aching for her. “Maddy, I’m so sorry” he says, his voice filled with genuine compassion.

Maddy shakes her head, a sad smile on her lips. “It’s just how it is. I’ve learned to live with it. But sometimes… sometimes it feels like I’m drowning, like no matter what I do, it’s never enough.”

Tears well up in her eyes, and she tries to blink them away, but Aemond sees them. He pulls her closer, wrapping his arms around her, offering her the comfort and security she so desperately needs.

“You’re stronger than you think, Maddy,” Aemond whispers into her hair.

Maddy closes her eyes, letting herself be held, letting herself believe—if only for a moment—that things can be different. That she doesn’t have to face everything on her own.

“I’m here for you, Maddy,” Aemond continues, his voice steady and sure. “Whatever you need, whatever it takes… I’ll be here.”

Maddy doesn’t know what the future holds or if things will really change. But in this moment, in Aemond’s arms, she feels a glimmer of hope. And for the first time in a long time, she allows herself to believe that maybe, just maybe, things can get better.

They stay like that for a while, wrapped in each other’s warmth, finding solace in their shared pain and in the connection they’ve forged. The rain continues to fall outside, a steady, soothing rhythm that lulls them both into a peaceful, dreamless sleep, their hearts a little lighter than before.

The morning after breakfast, Maddy insists on taking the bus home.

In the early morning, the sun filters through the thin curtains of their small, cramped apartment as Maddy quietly pushes the door open. The joy she felt from the night before lingers, a small warmth in her chest that makes the world seem a little brighter. But as she steps inside, that warmth quickly dissipates.

The living room is eerily quiet. Her mother, Miriam, is asleep on the worn-out couch, her frail form barely moving under the thin blanket. Maddy’s heart clenches at the sight, knowing how weak and sick her mother is. But it’s the sight of her sister, Maya, lying on the floor that makes Maddy’s blood run cold.

“Maya?” Maddy whispers, her voice trembling as she rushes to her sister’s side.

Maya is motionless, her face pale, her breathing shallow. A small bottle of pills is clutched in her hand, some of the pills scattered across the floor. Maddy’s stomach twists in horror as she kneels down beside her, shaking her gently.

“Maya, wake up! Please, wake up!” Maddy’s voice cracks with panic.

After a few agonizing moments, Maya stirs slightly, her eyes fluttering open. She looks up at Maddy with a dazed expression, barely conscious.

“Maddy…” she mumbles, her voice slurred. “I didn’t mean to… sister…”

Maddy’s heart sinks. The realization hits her like a punch to the gut—Maya has spent the money on drugs. Maddy’s hands tremble as she pries the pill bottle from her sister’s hand, her mind racing with a thousand thoughts.

“Why, Maya? Why did you do this?” Maddy’s voice is filled with a mixture of anger and despair, but her sister is too out of it to respond.

Desperation grips Maddy as she runs into the only bedroom they share, frantically opening drawers and searching through Maya’s belongings. Her hands tear through the clutter until she finds what she’s looking for—more drugs, hidden away in various places, far more than what the money could have bought.

Maddy’s breath hitches as she realizes the full extent of the situation. It isn’t just about the money that’s gone. Maya is in deep, and the people she bought from will surely come looking for what’s owed. Maddy knows these men, knows the kind of world they operate in, and she knows she’s fucked.

Her mind spins as she tries to figure out what to do next. The only option is clear—she’ll have to work harder, longer at the Blue Pearl to come up with the money, to protect Maya, and to keep their mother safe. It’s a grim, suffocating reality, and it crushes the brief happiness she felt after her night with Aemond.

Just as Maddy is about to lose herself in despair, her phone buzzes on the bed. She picks it up with trembling hands and sees a message from Aemond:

“I had a good time last night. I’d like to see you again. I still think you were beautiful.”

Maddy stares at the message, the words almost mocking her in light of everything that’s just happened. A part of her wants to hold onto the memory of the previous night, to escape into the warmth and comfort Aemond offered. But the harsh reality of her life is too much to ignore.

Her fingers hover over the screen as she tries to think of a response. Finally, she types:

“I would like to see you again too, Aemond. I had a good time with you.”

She presses send, then places the phone gently on the bed, her eyes brimming with tears. The weight of her situation, the hopelessness of it all, comes crashing down on her. Aemond’s world, the world she briefly stepped into, is so far removed from her own. How can she ever reconcile the two?

Maddy collapses onto the bed, her body shaking as the tears finally spill over. She buries her face in the pillow, muffling the sobs that rack her frame. She cries for her mother, for her sister, and for herself—trapped in a life she can’t escape, no matter how hard she tries. The night before was a glimpse of what could be, but now, in the harsh light of day, it feels like nothing more than a cruel joke.

And so, she weeps, alone in the small, suffocating bedroom, the message from Aemond still glowing on her phone—a small, fragile reminder of a happiness that now feels impossibly out of reach.

[lizzieisright]

At least I got you in my head (8) (end)

(7)

Summary: Abby is straight. And then you move in with her.

Tags: modern au, fem!reader, straight!abby (she is doing some comphet bullshit), pining, idiot in love and it's abby, reader is gay and tired.

Notes: finally, you both figure your shit out.

Taglist: @abbyily @lillysbigwilly @gravygranules @blairfox04 @frogtits1 @ccinnamongrl @ninazenuk @urmomsgirlfriend1 @sunkissedbibi @couchgarbage @nil-eena @inlovewithelliewilliams @st4rluvrr @mai5mai @machetegirl109 @azelmawrites @rhae-blackqueen @vea-vea-vea @mnim58e @chubeline @strgrlxox @chrry1ovr @littletinyladybugs @shaemonyou @luvrmunson @saffronssapphic @zootedhoe @2012wannabe @elcantsleep

Thank you guys for reading this story and enjoying it! I was very excited when I wrote this chapter and I hope you'd like it too. For some reason Electric love by Børns was playing in my head the whole time as I wrote the reunion part. And the last lines are reference to the Sleepover by Hayley Kiyoko.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Abby spent her Sunday thinking and thinking and thinking. Even if she wanted to stop she just couldn't, spiralling into the rabbit hole of "does she like me? Do I like her? No, she doesn't like me. I do like her." on repeat. It was still hard to wrap her head around it - in two days her whole perception of herself just turned upside down. And it was good - it always feels good to get rid of this amount of guilt and shame - but it also left Abby in front of metaphorical crossroads and the obvious “what’s next?”.

Abby jumped from being so sure in her feelings to backtracking into “I just figured out my sexuality I need more time”, which was well, true - she did need more time to just..let the knowledge settle.

But you still weren’t home, and her thoughts were too focused on you. Yes, Abby just figured everything out, but the dam that kept her feelings unnoticed broke and now Abby felt everything. The itch she had in her hands before because she wanted to touch you? It was constant now. The desire to call you and just talk? Relentless. She never felt this way about anyone - which was understandable, it’s hard to fall in love with people you’d better be friends with - and the intensity of her feelings was scaring her at times.

Abby spent the first half of Sunday moping around while Ellie provided her silent emotional support and just played games with Abby to keep her occupied. But now and then she’d drift back into her spiralling.

“Abs, until you talk to her all your thoughts have some probability of happening. And it means you’re wasting time, okay? You need to chill.”

“Ellie. Two days ago I learned I’m gay and yesterday I realised I like my roommate. What chill are you talking about?”

“Okay, yeah, my bad. But this spin cycle won’t give any kind of results. Reflect all you want or whatever, but until you talk to her you won’t have an answer.”

“I’m not even sure I want one.”

“You want one, dude. Believe me.” Ellie said somehow menacingly, and Abby didn’t argue.

After Ellie left Abby tried to pick her thoughts apart again, but there was nothing new in her poor brain. Abby felt tired and not lost, but definitely in a dead end. So she decided to use one of her favourite coping mechanisms and hit the gym. The gym always helped, especially with emotions - Abby could box if she was angry or do compounds to concentrate on her form instead of her thoughts, she could stretch just to torture herself and concentrate on physical pain.

Abby packed her bag and went to the gym, hoping for some kind of relief and honestly? A fucking break. She was extremely tired of constant anxiety that changed to sweet memories of you and then changed back to anxiety. Abby wasn’t used to this, so it was taking a huge toll on her - a toll big enough to gain courage to tell you everything. Ellie was right - she needed an answer if she preferred to stay fucking sane.  

And the gym helped. Abby did her safest routine, worried she’d get stuck in her head and hurt herself if she did something different, and while Abby was counting reps and measuring time for the rest period, she didn’t think of you. Her only concern was her form and the mental maths of how much weights she needed to place, how to breathe properly and how to place her feet correctly for the squats.

But the moment Abby left the gym, her thoughts were back. Maybe you already came back home? All your books for tomorrow were at home, you needed them, right? Did you have spare clothes at Cait’s? (where else you’d be? At Vi’s? Abby didn’t even want to entertain the idea, and really, it didn’t seem like you) Abby wasn’t sure if texting you would be a right move right now - she needed space and you probably needed it too. But fuck she missed you.

Abby checked her phone in case there are any messages from you, any messages, even if you'd call her a bitch or something. Just. Any indication you were still in her life.

But no. There was nothing, and the apartment was silent and empty when Abby came back.

Monday went over Abby's head, she couldn't concentrate on her classes which was very surprising: she could go with no sleep and still be present during lessons, but today all she could think about was you. The guilt and shame mixed with excitement and hope and it was driving her insane, being pulled apart by polar emotions like that. Now all these stupid stories from how painful it was to be in love finally made sense to Abby - before you she was never really in love with anybody, but now? Now all these tears and desperation and grand gestures made sense. Coming back to exes? Made sense, because she’d crawl back to you without a question. Forgiving anything? Made sense too.

Fuck, people were really right when they said how powerful love was and what things it made them do for it. And even if it was painful and confusing, Abby felt happy about it, as if her unbearable feelings were a proof of her own humanity. A lot of people before told her she was cold and heartless - Ellie joked about it a lot when Abby didn’t hesitate to tell someone who liked her to fuck off - and sometimes it got to her. Now though? Feeling the sharpest needle going through her heart when she thought of you telling her to fuck off? This pain made Abby feel alive.

Later at practice Abby saw Vi - they didn’t train with each other, different weights, but the days were the same - and Abby expected Vi to be angry at her, but not only Vi wasn’t angry, she actually looked at her sympathetically, as if she knew what was happening in Abby's soul. The guilt and shame were back - yes, Abby was still jealous and yes she still wanted to break every knuckle on Vi’s hands for touching you - but she was self-aware enough to understand that Vi wasn’t a part of this. It wasn’t Vi’s fault that Abby had issues.

And the thing was - Vi was actually fucking nice. Abby didn’t talk to her a lot, but she knew Vi’s story and she admired how hard-working she was and how she stayed herself after all the shit she’s been through. Ellie called her cool, and Ellie didn’t call anyone cool, so Abby felt like she fucked up here too.

But the stakes weren't that high - it wasn't like they were friends in the first place - so Abby decided to make amends. She braced herself for the uncomfortable conversation and went over to Vi's locker when they were changing.

"Hey." Vi looked at her, surprised, but she didn't seem hostile, so Abby continued. "I wanted to say sorry for the other day. I was an asshole for no reason."

"Don't stress." Vi smiled. "I wasn't offended."

"Yeah well. I still said some shit. Sorry again."

"It's okay." Vi seemed to hesitate before speaking next. "(Y/n) was really upset."

"Yeah. I know." Abby nodded, trying to conceal her hurt.

"Do you plan on talking to her?" Vi asked carefully again as she put her shirt on.

"Yes."

"Cool."

It seemed like the conversation was over and Abby went back to her locker, taking her bag out and putting her sweaty uniform inside. She felt relieved after that - if this went well, maybe it will go well with you too. Vi put her things in her bag and walked to the exit while Abby was still changing, deep in her thoughts.

"Have you figured it out yet? Why you got so angry?" Vi asked cautiously, stopping right before leaving.

Abby froze, surprised, as she stared at her t-shirt.

"Was it really that obvious?"

Vi shrugged.

"Kinda. You know, the spidey sense. It's not about your looks, it's just… you can tell."

"Gay aura." Abby smirked, remembering Ellie’s words.

"Gay aura." Vi chuckled. "Good luck, Abby."

"Thanks."

And her words were genuine.

You were still pretty shaken up after the fight - not because of the fight itself or Abby’s words, but because it felt like you were hit with reality in a way that broke your stupid rose coloured glasses. And for some reason it was hard to come to terms with the fact that you overestimated yourself: how you acted based on your emotions instead of using your fucking brain - which is understandable, people lose their brains when they’re in love - and the result was the same. You weren’t planning on confessing at all, instead trying to get over Abby, and it led to the same outcome - you two weren’t talking.

You kept thinking about if you made the right choice by never bringing up the “maybe you’re not so straight” topic with Abby - maybe you should have? Just very carefully? Just nudge her in the right direction? Was it too late to do that now?

Huh, what a fun conversation it could be “hey, maybe you were so angry at me not because I made you uncomfortable in your own home but because you’re gay and jealous?” (which was in fact Cait's entire point about this fight). Even if this would go well, Abby being gay didn’t equal Abby being gay for you.

God, what if Abby would start bringing girls over once she would be out? “Thanks (y/n) for helping me figure out my sexuality, now I’m going to fuck every gay girl on campus because I’m hot as fuck and they all drool over  me”. Fuck.

At this point it was hard to differentiate between your rational thoughts and irrational thoughts: where did your concerns end and overthinking started? You felt confused and all over the place, and even though you knew the only way to fix it was to come home and face Abby, you were too much of a coward to do it.

Obviously you'd say you were sorry. And you would stop bringing girls over because she was uncomfortable with it and you weren't an asshole. But you felt like this talk would be only the cover of the real problem - this situation happened not because you were selfish (not entirely), but because you wanted to get over Abby as fast as possible. For some reason you felt like you had to tell Abby you were in love with her - otherwise you had a feeling you were taking advantage of her with the amount of touch and care that was between you. For you these hugs and cuddles and small kisses on your cheeks weren't platonic or friendly, and now when you finally admitted your defeat, you couldn't pretend it was something else.

So you had two choices: tell Abby you were in love with her and let her decide how to change her boundaries or distance yourself from her as far as possible. And if you were younger you'd probably choose the second option - it was way easier than being honest and getting rejected. But this way you'd lose her as a friend and leave both of you with hurt and anger towards each other. And Abby would probably call you out on this and you'd have to tell her what was wrong with you anyway.

So your only option was to confess and face whatever would come out of it. And it was scary.

That was the reason why instead of going home on Monday you still came back to Cait - you couldn't lie to Abby but you couldn't tell her the truth either, so, as one of the cartoon characters said, there was a third option: doing nothing. And you chose it.

Caitlyn wasn't happy with your choice, staring you down as you took your shoes off.

"You're running away from your problems."

"I'm doing nothing about my problems. There's a difference." You sighed tiredly and put your coat on the clothing rack.

Cait stared you down, frowning, but you didn’t have energy to argue with her, so you went straight for the shower. It didn’t help much with your thoughts, but the weight of your anxiety got smaller.

from: Vi

Abby just apologised to me

You stared at your phone as your feelings flooded your chest - Abby was stubborn but she was good. She was doing what was right, she fucking apologised to Vi, and here you were, too scared to face her. If Abby said sorry she felt guilty, and it meant she was hurting while you were hiding from her. You could wallow in misery all you wanted, but the thought that you were dragging Abby down with you made you feel sick. You loved her too much to let your fears hurt her.

to: Vi

How is she?

from: Vi

She got hit in the face

Three times

so

shitty

The guilt washed over you. For Abby to be this unfocused? It meant she was really worried and upset, and you needed to stop it. Fuck it if you couldn’t confess yet, but you needed to resolve this situation and stop indirectly torturing Abby.

to: Vi

Can we reschedule our lesson tomorrow?

from: Vi

Yeah no problem

You locked your phone and went over to Caitlyn, who was reading.

“I’m going home tomorrow.”

“Thank god.” Caitlyn rolled her eyes.

“She apologised to Vi.”

“Amazing.”

“By the way, can I give Vi your number?”

Caitlyn stopped reading and you noticed her pink blush. It was faint, but after years of friendship you knew what it was - you weren’t surprised, Vi was hot and Caitlyn thought she was smart, so of course your question got a reaction out of her.

“Aren’t you two involved?”

“We’re friends. If it’s a no it’s okay. I can totally see why it’d bother you.”

“It doesn’t bother me. I’m not an idiot, I’ve noticed how she looked at me.” Caitlyn was creepily observant and awfully honest. Thank god she didn’t embarrass Vi right then and there, because Cait was unhinged like that. “Give me her number, I’ll text her myself.”

“Cait, you’re terrifying.” You said honestly. “She is sweet, don’t hurt her.”

Caitlyn stared at you like you were an idiot and you just silently showed her Vi’s number so she could copy it.

Three days. It’s been three days since the fight and Abby was exhausted. She couldn’t even sleep, creeped out by the silence in your apartment, twisting and turning the whole night, and if she fell asleep she dreamt of you - either the fight played out differently (you didn’t leave and Abby confessed) or it was 100 and 1 scenario of your reunion.

But then Abby woke up and you weren’t there. She hated how quiet the place was.

At least Abby could concentrate during her classes, even though she opened her dms every 10 minutes trying to gain courage to text you. Why was it this hard? By the end of the day she chickened out and decided to text you if you wouldn’t be home today too. And for some reason Abby was sure you wouldn’t be home when she’d come from classes today. It seemed like you were still pretty mad at her - oh, that was why she was too afraid to text you. Abby - now calmed down, guilty Abby - was not prepared for your wrath if it was still there. And she’d prefer to have it fall on her in person than over a stupid text.

Abby opened the door to your apartment and froze right in the doorway. She could hear the TV from the living room, she saw the lights faintly lightning the hallway and fuck, there were your shoes.

You were home.

Abby took her shoes and her coat off in record time and stormed to the living room. You were sitting on the couch, your legs under you, and you smiled at her sheepishly, as if you weren’t sure that Abby’d be happy to see you. Abby took a deep breath as her heartbeat went absolutely crazy.

“You’re home.” Abby sighed, still so shocked she thought she was dreaming again, her bag falling from her shoulder to the floor with a thud.

“Hi.” You said in a small voice and Abby couldn’t take anymore - you were there and you were smiling at her and she missed you so fucking much.

Abby almost ran to you, scooping you in her arms as you yelped in surprise - fucking hell Abby was strong to pull you up like that.

“You’re home.” Abby murmured into your neck, breathing you in, the same spice and mint as always. You hugged her shoulders and breathed her in too - you missed her crazy. Abby was solid against you and her hand on the small of your back kept you pressed into her as if she was afraid you’d disappear. You clung to her, as you became aware how much you missed her warmth - how did you survive these three days without Abby?

“I’m sorry, I was so selfish.” You told Abby while she pressed you flush against her.

“God, I’m so sorry too, I didn’t mean a word of what I’ve said to you.” Abby said into your hair, her voice soft and quiet and full of remorse. You hummed, comforted by her arms around you, her blonde hair tickling your nose. Abby smelt like home, like someone who would protect you from anything and whatever she said to you on Saturday didn’t matter anymore.

Abby inhaled your scent and closed her eyes, basking in you. She physically couldn't let you go now when she's got you, knowing now why it felt so good to hold you and not being ashamed or anxious about it. Fuck. To hell with it, Abby's never been a coward.

"I figured my shit out." Abby's voice was steady, but her heart sounded like drums in her ears.

"What do you mean?" And your heart was not any better.

"You told me to figure my shit out. I did. I wasn't angry because you were disturbing me or something." Abby pressed you even closer, grounding herself in your presence. "I was jealous."

It was suddenly hard to breathe and you froze in Abby's arms. Did she mean what you thought she meant? God, please, let it be what you so desperately wanted it to be.

Abby moved away a little so she could look at you, because if Abby would get her heart broken now she at least could get it broken looking into your eyes.

"I like you." Abby breathed out and the wave of painful relief hit her. It was good to let it out, as if someone cut open an aching injury and yeah, she was bleeding, but it felt better.

Your brain fully shut down as your ears rang from her words - was it even real? Was it your Abby or another dream? But it was real, and Abby was looking at you, she was waiting for an answer and your own confession ripped out from your chest before you could stop yourself.

"I like you too." You felt your face heat up for some reason, but the way Abby’s eyes lit up made it all worth it.

Abby's eyes grew wide with surprise just before all her restraints crumbled. She took your face in her hands and did what she was literally dreaming about the past few nights - she kissed you. And everything exploded.

Your hands flew to Abby's face and you kissed her back desperately, pressing into her with all you had. Abby locked her arms around your waist so hard your back arched, she needed you close as badly as you needed her.

Abby never felt like this, like every move of your lips on hers set her alight and the hunger she never had before was suddenly making her greedy and desperate to touch you. As if under a spell, Abby pushed you to the couch until you hit it with the back of your knees and sat down so Abby could press you into the seat as you opened your mouth and let her tongue slip inside, making you both groan. Abby felt high from kissing you, the way you were all soft and gentle under her, but not delicate at all, she wasn’t afraid to hurt you because you were real and solid and your fingers on her neck were warm.

And it wasn't enough for Abby, she needed more, she needed to touch your bare skin - so she pushed her hand under your hoodie, kneading your side. You were warm and soft and your scent was all around her, and it was still not enough. She wanted to hear you make the same noise that you made that night for someone else - she wanted you to sigh and whimper and moan for her, she wanted to-

You pressed on her shoulders and Abby backed off, confused.

"We need to slow down." You panted, looking into Abby’s shiny eyes. She was blushing and panting as well, her hand was still on your naked waist, riding up your hoodie enough for her to see your lower stomach. Abby’s eyes went dark as she flicked her eyes from your face to your stomach and back.

"Yeah."

You both didn't move, staring at each other. Abby didn’t want to stop, she wanted to kiss you and touch you and if someone would move away first it would definitely not be her. And then you kissed Abby again, bringing her as close as possible, giving up on any rational thought in your head. You were weak, so when Abby pushed you down on the couch you happily spread your legs for her, getting wet in your pants from how delicious it felt to be opened like that. Abby’s hands roamed across your sides and your hips, groping and kneading your body as if she couldn’t get enough - and she truly couldn’t, appreciating every soft fold she made, every hard ridge digging into her palm. You sighed into her mouth and Abby just needed to press you down into this couch, moving one of her hands to caress your thigh and pull you closer. You felt dizzy, high on Abby's confident, hungry touch, the perfect balance of gentle and rough, so deliciously Abby. No one could touch you like that, like you were hers, your body and your soul, without a hesitation. Abby took what she wanted and you drank it all up.

Abby kissed your jaw and moved down to your neck, leaving an open mouthed kiss just below your ear and you let out a surprised sigh - and Abby’s brain fucking melted. She left more kisses, all shamelessly open, her hot tongue brushing over your skin just to hear you sigh like that. Abby pushed your thighs up so you could close them around her waist and slipped her hand back under your hoodie, getting dangerously close to your tits. That broke the spell on you, bringing you back to reality.

“Abby, wait.” You asked, not comfortable with how fast it was going. Abby looked up to you, waiting for what you wanted to tell her. “We really need to chill.” You caressed her cheek, taking a deep breath to calm yourself down.

Abby wanted to protest, but the horny fog started leaving her head and she understood how overboard she went just now, jumping you like this the moment you reciprocated her feelings. It was too fast.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Abby chuckled and tried to move away, but you didn’t let her, pressing her back to you.

“Just.. lie down.”

Abby listened to you, her hands still under your hoodie, but now she was just caressing your sides gently with her thumbs, sending goosebumps.

“I’ve missed you so much.” You told her as you stroke her hair.

“I’ve missed you too. The worst three days of my life.”

You laughed quietly.

“How did you figure it out?” You asked, curious. Abby sighed, but you waited.

“Oh man, this is embarrassing. I thought I was homophobic, because I hated that you were bringing girls over. Talked to Ellie, figured out I was homophobic to myself.” Abby laughed, and even though you could see the comedy in her words, you couldn't imagine what she had to go through.

“This is such a mind-fuckery.” You said sympathetically. “It must’ve felt so good to realise that.”

“It was. And then I saw you with Vi and what happened happened.”

“Oh god this is fast. Like, did you even have the time to properly process that?”

“Three days with myself would do.” Abby chuckled and you felt the guilt poking your heart.

“Sorry. I felt like I couldn’t just say sorry and move on without telling you about my feelings. But I was scared.” You admitted and Abby hummed, seeing your point. It must've been more scary for you as you knew what was happening in your head and the time turned your fear into full blown terror.  

"How long have you known?"

"That I like you? Pretty much from the beginning, but I tried really hard to stop it."

Abby laughed and you tilted your head to look at her, not understanding what was so funny.

"Remember when we hung out for the first time? When we watched that horror movie that offended you so much?"

"Yeah?"

"I was very confused why you were so far away from me. I was already into you by that point."

"I can't imagine what kind of mental somersaults you had to do to keep it hidden from yourself." You sighed and hugged her harder. “I’m very happy you’re free of the straight curse.”

Abby snorted and looked up to you, just staring, unashamed - everything about you was perfect.

“You’re so pretty.” God it felt good to say it freely, say it without shame, without broken syllables and mumbling.

You smiled and looked away, flustered, and Abby watched you with fascination - she’s never seen you like this.

“Thanks.” You tried to stop smiling but you couldn’t, and Abby’s curious and teasing gaze just made you smile more. “No, stop it.” You said, playfully stern.

“Nah, I’ll do it even more now. Seeing you crumble like this is even better than kicking your ass in Mortal Kombat.”

“Oh yeah? I still cook your food.” You threatened.

Before Abby could answer her stomach rumbled and you laughed.

“Let’s go eat.”

And everything was back to normal, but it also wasn’t. You chatted, catching up on these days you spent apart, telling each other the last gossip and complaining about classes - that was normal. But now Abby could hug you from behind and steal a kiss, her high making her bold, and you could abandon whatever you had on the stove and wrap your arms around her neck, kissing her back. Because now you didn’t have to hide from each other, second-guessing motives and actions. Now when you ate and talked you could hold hands and smile bashfully at each other, and the teasing could end in millions of short kisses. You finally let yourself hug Abby from behind while she washed the dishes and tell her what was happening with Caitlyn and Vi.  

Later you did your usual cuddle time, and Abby held you in her arms exactly like she wanted to. A few months ago you both sat on that couch - awkward and distant, too afraid of each other - to watch a movie, and now you were lying on it, kissing and cuddling, basking in each other as you gently and innocently explored what was an unattainable dream before, caressing sides and hips and ribs without heat but with a desire to get to know.

Abby swore she started to believe in magic when you touched her.

to: els

(the photo of you and Abby, Abby kissing the top of your head while you lie on top of her with the dopiest, lovesick grin on your face)

from: els

FUCK YEAH

you lucky bitch

You laughed when Abby showed you Ellie's texts and nuzzled into Abby's chest.

"Let's do a sleepover today." Abby said as she kissed your temple.

"Where?"

"In my bed."

[rachalixie]

a/n: a little 2min x reader thing i wrote at 1am. it's just my need to have the boys i'm in love with also be in love with each other.

dating both seungmin and minho was an interesting experience in almost all aspects. 

the two were, quite literally, like cat and dog. they bicker constantly, provoking one another just to get a rise out of it, but still insanely protective of one another. they’d been friends for longer than either of them had known you, a history there that you could never understand no matter how hard you tried to. they were roommates after all, they spent more time with each other than they did with anyone else. 

you fell in love with them at the same time. they were a constant from day one, wiggling their way into your life until they found a home there. they were unusual, they were frustrating, they were wonderful. a mixture of emotions that you couldn’t quite wrap your head around - maybe that’s why it took you so long to notice. 

they were flirting. 

their bickering was their ploys for attention, their jabs at each other were their ways of showing affection, their protective streaks were their way of saying i see you, i care about you, please be okay. 

it frustrates you that it took you months to realize this. months of sleeping over, alternating whose bed you ended up in at the end of the day. now, lying wide awake next to a softly snoring minho, the puzzle pieces finally line up and you’re stuck with the slowly spiraling thought that the two stupid men you fell in love with were also in love with each other. 

you hear soft footsteps outside of the room followed by the squeak of minho’s doorknob turning, and you close your eyes and level your breathing. you didn’t want to see kim seungmin right now. you didn’t want to speak to kim seungmin right now. 

he pads to the bedside table, quiet as possible to not wake you or minho. you hear the click of minho’s bedside lamp and the orangey glow behind your eyelids disappears.  

seungmin can’t sleep with the lights on, even the softest glow from the crack beneath his door bothers him. his room is always shrouded in darkness, the thickest blackout curtains lining his windows and covers over every charging cable. 

“stupid hyung,” he mutters, sliding out of the room as fast as he entered it. 

this is something you’ve seen him do often. he would sneak into minho’s room, slick and quiet, and turn the lights off. he would never bring it up to minho, never scold him for leaving the lights on and disturbing his sleep. 

seungmin can’t sleep with the lights on. minho knows this. minho, for all of his teasing and general i-don’t-give-a-fuck facade, he remembers these tiny details. he would never do something purposefully that would harm someone else’s health, especially kim seungmin’s. 

he’s been leaving the lights burning on purpose. just so seungmin has to come into his room and then them off. just so he has a little pocket of interaction to hold close. and seungmin has been letting him. seungmin was never one to hold back from complaining to minho about his behavior, from the way he leaves his shoes just an inch away from the rack to the way he breathes too loud during movie nights. so, why does he not complain about this? why does he not barge in and wake minho up in his frustration instead of creeping in and out like a ghost?

because they love each other, your traitorous brain supplies. 

you’re still pretending to be asleep when you hear minho sigh and roll over, his hand coming to cover his face. you can hear the smile in his breath, and you’re sure that if you opened your eyes you’d be able to see the fiery red burning in his ears, even in the dark. interesting. 

this stays with you for days. weeks. you know you spend a little too much time staring at them now, but you can’t help it. if they notice, they don’t bring it up to you. 

you start staying awake later on the days that you’re in minho’s bed, just to get a glimpse of seungmin coming in and out of the room. sometimes, he would turn off the light quickly and leave just as fast. other times, he would take a second to stare at minho’s face with heavy eyes, pausing for longer than necessary before turning and walking away. on rare occasions, when he notices that the blankets have shifted away, he pulls them over an exposed knee or elbow or foot, tucking minho in like he’s a child that needs to be coddled. 

minho wakes up sometimes. he sighs like he’s in school and he’s experiencing his first crush, every single time. other times he remains fast asleep, mumbling lightly in unintelligent syllables. but every day that seungmin visits his room, he wakes up utterly content and pleased. 

a month into this routine you’ve had enough. you don’t know how long this has been going on for, but you know that you’re ready for it to end. 

“talk to him,” you say to minho before bed as you run your fingers through his hair in what you hope is enough to comfort him. 

“talk to who?” he asks, voice trembling around the edges. he’s playing ignorant, when you know he knows exactly who you’re talking about. 

“he feels the same, you know that?” you keep your voice soft, not wanting to spook him. he spooks easily, like a kitten. “the three of us are already dating each other. it’s just that you two don’t know it yet.”

“what if he says no?” he forces out, avoiding your eyes as he fiddles with his fingers. 

“he won’t. trust me?” you hold out a pinkie and he links his own with it with a slow nod. 

it takes him longer to go to sleep, this time. you can hear his uneven breathing under your head from where it’s pillowed on his chest, and it jumps when he hears his bedroom door creak open. 

seungmin moves to the light and clicks it off, but before he could back away minho’s eyes flutter open and he grabs seungmin’s hand. 

“hyung?” seungmin squeaks out, frightened at being caught for the first time. that he knows of. 

“you came all this way just to turn off a light,” minho starts, words slow and tentative like he’s testing out the flavor of them on his tongue before he speaks them. “might as well stay. there’s room for you, in here.”

not the confession you were hoping for, but you suppose it’ll do, for now. he folds back the blanket a bit, enough to signal the invitation but not enough to be embarrassed about if he was rejected. 

“you want me?” seungmin’s voice is too shocked for how smart he is. why can’t these boys see what’s in front of them?

“get in the bed, seung,” you jump in, not willing to witness the awkward stumbling that those two were about to engage in. you had plenty of time for that tomorrow, in the daylight. “he wants you to.”

so seungmin does. he gets in quietly, and minho wriggles a bit closer to you to make room. despite minho’s claim, it’s a tight fit, but when minho throws and arm around seungmin and pulls him into his chest so that the two of you were mirrored images of one another it works. 

minho’s smile almost outshines seungmin’s, both blinding the room in the kind of light that doesn’t need flame or electricity. 

the next morning, seungmin claims that it was the best sleep he’s had in a while. minho claims that it’s usually a little too cold, and having two personal heaters instead of one was better. you roll your eyes at them, but when they shyly kiss over the kitchen table you’re the happiest you’ve ever been. 

[vegaseatsass]

Rewatched My Stand-In eps 2 and 3 tonight, and I'm definitely newly fascinated with Ming POV/Ming's internal concept of what was happening between him and Joe that entire time. I forgot just how much we got of Ming's home life and family in episode 2, and my brain is abuzz trying to connect all the dots. His relationship with May is so interesting. She clocks that he and Joe are together on Christmas, and is immediately careful to conceal it not just from their parents but from Tong. May and Ming have this "us against the world" vibe where they protect and cover for each other, going back to May giving herself pneumonia saving Ming from drowning. I absolutely believe there's more going on in their family than mom pressuring Ming to marry women any time he goes home - I actually suspect things about his family are being obscured for future painful reveals - but May is a safe space for him. Until Tong is added into the picture, and Ming has to flee the country for four years to get away from his big feelings. It's just kind of bonkers to me that he had this intense, safe and presumably very grounding relationship with his sister, but made his obsession with a random movie star the centerpiece of his world instead. Why did he imprint on Tong? Is it really just Joe's sexy back muscles that drew him in? Did he think if he could land a famous movie star his parents would accept him being with a man? Was it subconscious self-sabotage of his only safe relationship lol? I genuinely have no idea!! What I am stuck on though is when he told May he was working through something, and would tell her when he was ready, but he promised he'd get through it. On rewatch, it seems very obvious that what he's talking about is the torch he's carrying for Tong, so to me that's a reveal that he's deliberately trying to move on with Joe - not using him as a sex doll replacement, but throwing himself into something real. (What's messy obviously is that Ming started this for the proxyfucking, but I think overhearing Joe confess his love for Ming to Sol is when Ming started making a determined effort to choose Joe.) There's also his reaction to Joe's Christmas gift where the watch becomes a metaphor for Joe himself (vs. Tong): Ming doesn't need the "top" one, why can't he want the "normal" one?

The first time I was watching this, I assumed that Ming just has no internal awareness of how important Joe is to him, he just feels pure need and acts very very normal when his emotional support stand-in is ripped away. I assumed Ming believes he's in love with Tong and thinks he's just passing some time with Joe. It doesn't help that every time Joe presses him on anything emotional Ming shuts him down or outright negs him lolllll

But like for example, in the scene where they're shopping together and Joe gets excited about the couple mugs, first Ming snaps "What makes you think we're a couple?", then he tries to mitigate his slip by playing it off: "after living with me, you'll realize you don't want me as a boyfriend." His kneejerk impulse to shut Joe down and say cruel things is imo a defense mechanism, a really maladaptive one that helps convince Joe later on that there was never any love there, but I'm starting to think it's triggered in response to actually wanting the intimacy and primacy that Joe is pushing for, and being terrified of that.

It would make so much sense for somebody who is terrified of needing anybody else, of being vulnerable or feeling anything real, to decide they're in love with a complete asshole movie star who uses their family for money and them personally for favors, and shape their life around that. Especially now that I understand how young Ming was when he first fixated on Tong (17ish??), I just feel like that entire imprinting is your classic teenager-who-is-not-ready-to-be-in-a-real-relationship parasocial spiral. I used to do it with male celebrities too!!! (I am a lesbian. lmfaooo)

It's interesting because while there's something conceptually romantic about the back Ming first got obsessed with being Joe's all along, it ultimately doesn't really matter to me WHO the onscreen person that he fixated upon was. What matters is how ill-equipped Ming has proven to handle real feelings for a real person in front of him, and the journey he has from here to learn how to human. I can't wait. P.S. Other thing I forgot happened in episode 2: - Ming made drunk!Joe sleep on the floor of Joe's own home - BEFORE Ming moved in or had any claim to the space - AFTER Ming told Sol he would take "really really good care of Joe" as a way of trying to claim Joe in front of the competition His journey to human is going to be a loooooooooooooooooong one, methinks... 😈

[romcomxb]

What if Bradley got cancer.

tw- angst? cancer n self esteem issues? swearing

He’d been feeling like shit for a while, sometime after Ice had gone into remission, but had assumed that he was just burnt out. Work had been stressful, and him and Jake had been in a bit of a rough patch.

His left arm had been aching as well, but he mostly ignored that, until he noticed a lump, just above his elbow. And after remembering how quickly his mom, then Ice’s cancers had developed, he decided to get it checked out.

It was in Bradley’s arm, and was spreading, fast. And after multiple attempts at removing it without amputating his arm, the doctors decided that the only possibility was to cut the limb off completely, stop it from spreading to the rest of his body. (idk how cancer works so hush)

Just imagine Bradley not only no longer being able to fly again, but also having to re-learn just about anything. He can barley drive, or cook, piano seems out of the question. He’s frustrated. He’s mad at himself, at his body, at the world, at everyone.

One day Jake walked in on Bradley struggling to button up one of his shirts. He’d been trying for what felt like hours. At first it had seemed simple, but he worked it up in his head and had just spiraled. Jake sees him frustrated, in pain, and on the verge of tears, and his heart breaks. Seeing his partner in stuck distress, he wants nothing more than to hold him close and never let go.

But he also know’s that Bradley needs to figure this out for himself. To teach himself how to function again.

Mav had explained this to Hangman, as he’d had a similar situation with Ice. When he was in the recovery stages of his cancer, Mav just couldn’t leave him alone. He’d been a hoverer, wouldn’t leave his side for a second. And one day Ice had snapped at him to just ‘leave him alone’. Of course they’d figured it out but Mav had needed to take a few steps back for a bit.

But just imagine Bradley spending hours re-learning the simplest things. Slowly sitting down and teaching himself to type with one hand, or read a book. Even to help prepare dinner. But the thing he most misses is piano. Sure he can play the melodies with one hand, but anything beyond that seems out of the question. Bradley feels like he’s lost another part of his dad because of it. Music had felt like one of their strongest connections with Goose and now he’d lost that.

Along with the amputation came an intense loss of self-esteem. Before the cancer Bradley had been extremely capable, both in bed and in day to day life. But without his arm, he was scared shitless that he wasn’t enough for Jake. That Jake would leave him because if Bradley found his own body disgusting and weak, surely Jake must to. Which was total bullshit and Jake spent many long nights trying to tell him this, but the fear stayed nonetheless.

It all came to a head when Jake came home from work early as a surprise for Bradley, and found him curled up in a ball of blankets and pillows on the couch.

‘Bradley?’ Jake threw his stuff by the counter. When he didn’t get a response, he moved forward and gingerly sat on the couch next to Bradley’s head. ‘Hey baby- what’s happened?’ Jake murmured quietly, moving to lift the blankets from the other man’s face.

Bradley just grumbled something and pulled the cocoon tighter.

‘Bradley- cmon, I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s wrong’ Jake let out a sigh and watched Bradley closely. He’d been more depressed since the amputation, sure, but not like this.

‘Just go away’ The voice was heavily muffled by the blankets.

‘Honey- what’s happened?’ Jake’s hand reached out to begin massaging his boyfriends head, softly running through his hair. Bradley remained silent, thought the blanket armour did seem to loosen slightly.

‘Are you gonna leave me?’ His quiet voice sounded constricted with emotions.

‘Oh- fuck Bradshaw of course I ain’t gonna leave you- That’s about the stupidest thing i’ve heard all week.’ Jake huffed a laugh and his hands paused in their massage for a moment as he leant down to give the cocoon a kiss.

‘Why?’ Bradley questioned immediately.

Jake frowned, ‘Why what?’

‘Why would you stay with me?’ Bradley sat up, the blankets falling to the side. If his puffy red eyes were any indication, he’d been crying for a few hours before Jake had gotten home. ‘Jake,’ he continued, ‘i’m incapable of chopping a carrot- I can’t do shit. Why would you stay with me?’

Bradley’s arm, well the stump where his arm used to be, was still heavily wrapped in bandages. The cut had been made about halfway between his elbow and his shoulder. Jake still got a shock every time he caught a glimpse of it.

‘Baby-‘ Jake bit his lip as he chose his next words carefully, ‘Frankly, I don’t give a shit if you can’t chop carrots.’ As Bradley opened his mouth to protest, he shushed him. ‘I love you Bradley Bradshaw and the fact that you’re missing an arm isn’t gonna change that.’

Bradley blinked.

‘Jake I’m repulsive.’

The matter of fact way the man said that hit Jake. It was so calm, so collected, as if Bradley fully believed it to be true. Those word would stick with both of them for years to come.

‘The hell are you talking about?’ Jake frowned, he couldn’t imagine what hea was going through, but this? This felt a bit excessive.

‘You heard me.’ Bradley sniffed and began to pull the blankets over himself again. Jake quickly shot out a hand to stop him.

‘You’re not repulsive.’ He held Bradley’s shoulders, tight. ‘Bradley you’re the most handsome, capable man i’ve ever met.’ He said sternly ‘Where’s all this coming from?’

Bradley shrugged and wiped his nose on his sleeve. ‘Dunno.’

Jake sighed, he didn’t know what to do, how to help. His boyfriend had been so deep in his own mind, pulling him out of this spiral seemed almost impossible. So he reached out his arms and pulled the man into his chest, careful to avoid the stump of his arm. Bradley almost immediately melted into his grasp, his shoulders shaking as fresh tears formed.

‘Hey- you’re okay, it’s gonna be okay’ Jake hushed slowly, his thumb rubbing curled into his back. The shorter man rested his chin on his boyfriends head and closed his eyes, his arms tight around his body.

After a few minutes, when Bradley’s shoulders stopped heaving and Jake’s shirt was wet with tears, he pulled back and looked his boyfriend dead in the eye. ‘I’m here to stay Bradley Bradshaw. You gotta stop questioning that. We can figure this out together.’

Tadaaaa-

idk how i feel abt this, it felt kinda cheesy n ooc, but yeah. :]

also idk anything about cancer/amputation recovery, so i kinda just made it up as i went along-

[4dkellysworld]

When suffering happens

When unpleasant things happen in life, in an effort to understand it and find peace, we (our egos) often either try to find reason and understand why something happened/is so or immediately jump to conclusions and label it, often linking it to our identity like "oh it's because I am _____" or "it's because I did/thought/felt _____ which caused this, I shouldn't have done that!" or "This always happens to me ugh!!!" yet I find this habit ends up causing more harm than good and it is this self-identification that then ends up causing further spiralling and a pattern of similar events later in the future.

M: Detach yourself from all that makes your mind restless. Renounce all that disturbs its peace. If you want peace, deserve it. Q: Surely everybody deserves peace. M: Those only deserve it, who don't disturb it. Q: In what way do I disturb peace? M: By being a slave to your desires and fears. Q: Even when they are justified? M: Emotional reactions, born of ignorance or inadvertence, are never justified. Seek a clear mind and a clean heart. All you need is to keep quietly alert, enquiring into the real nature of yourself. This is the only way to peace. Chapter 8: The Self Stands Beyond Mind - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj

Leave poor Vanessa alone and stop assigning her the responsibility and accountability of everything that the dream shows. The entire dream is all an expression of the Infinite Being, not hers (the ego) which she is just one more creation of. And it doesn't have to be your (the Self's/I AM's) dream anymore when you stop identifying with it.

This is why it's so important to let go of our ego, to let go of the unpleasant thoughts with indifference, reject any claim over them and detach any association with your I AM (the Self's identity) rather than intellectuallise what happened with the mind. You can cut it off and break the cycle right there.

Understanding this was truly the turning point that launched me into earnest and honest study of 4dbarbie's teachings and by extension, Lester Levenson and Nisargadatta Maharaj's teachings. I was just so sick of going through the same shit, being stuck in the trenches and going nowhere. At some point you're going to get so fed up that you just want to give it all up and not care about anything anymore.

The thing about nothing though is that it's the only thing that can take the shape of everything. 1

Isn't it so much more freeing to just say "fuck it all, it doesn't make sense and I don't care to think about it anymore. This isn't mine", let it go and move on?

Imagine you see a random couple out in public fighting about all their relationship problems openly. What goes through your head when that happens? For me, I go "phew yikes, I'm glad that's not me. Not my circus, not my monkeys. Not my problem", feel a sense of relief and gratefulness that it's not my burden to bear and move on with my day.

When nonsensical or unpleasant things happen in your life, treat it the same way you do when nonsensical or unpleasant things happen in your sleeping dreams for they are both I AM's imaginary creations. Just let it go, detach it from Self and move on - no matter what happens, it is not yours.

Important distinction: I am not saying to physically ignore your body and ego's needs, do what needs to be done but you (the Self) do not have to identify with it, you do not have to claim it as yours. You know it's not you and you are just observing everything, unaffected.

"When the mind is quiet, we come to know ourselves as the pure witness. We withdraw from the experience and its experiencer and stand apart in pure awareness, which is between and beyond the two. The personality, based on self-identification, on imagining oneself to be something: 'I am this, I am that', continues, but only as a part of the objective world. Its identification with the witness snaps." Chapter 6: Meditation - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj

Stop trying to find reason as you are only further sustaining its reality by doing that.

"By resisting evil, you merely strengthen it." Chapter 72: What is Pure, Unalloyed, Unattached is Real - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj "You may try to trace how a thing happens, but you cannot find out why a thing is as it is. A thing is as it is, because the universe is as it is". Chapter 4: Real World is Beyond The Mind - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj

Just let it go. Letting go is what gives ultimate peace and freedom.

Not yours, remember? Repeat. Not yours. You won't lose your mind, you'll only lose your misery. See this world and the body as not real first. What is true is only what I AM is identified with, right now this body which is not in that TV show (your desired reality). Correct this first by letting go of thinking it's you 2

Just let go of the ego, that’s how simple it is.

[simpingforblackfire]

OMG I DIDNT KNOW YOU CONTINUED WRITING PLATONIC YANDERE STARFIRE AND DICK ELWKWIQJAKA

They were one of my favourite platonic yanderes, can you do one where the reader gets sick and starfire starts panicking because she doesn't know what to do and dick has to calm her down??

A/N: Haha yes I'm still writing DC is one of those fandoms I just don't think I'll ever leave like I have never not liked it. My bad this took so long I actually wrote most of this fic a lot closer to the time it was requested but then it was so close to being done that I procrastinated in finishing it anyway I hope this works for you babes x

Had you not been in the agony you were in and had you been fully coherent you would have thought of some snarky comment about how under any other circumstance you couldn't have possibly felt any worse than you already did but knowing your captors the pink-haired idiot and the simp would undoubtedly manage to find a way.

But you weren't. Pain rippled through you and your eyes felt as though they would forever sting with your tears and all you could do was lie there and take it all.

You brought your knees to your chest, tucking into yourself like an infant and quietly cried.

Unfortunately you could be silent in your pain and Starfire would still be able to hear it. 

Dick had been in the living room when Starfire practically shattered the door against the wall with how hard she smashed it open.

"Dick! Dick! Something's wrong she-"

Dick took in Starfire's appearance. Her face frazzled with worry and his hands itched to reach out and smooth all of her pain and all of her panic out of her expression as though he could simply massage the tension away. He couldn't. But even still his hand reached across and soothed her face.

His free hand he cautiously placed on the back of your head that was exposed to him, gently turning your head until your skin peeked out. 

"She has a temperature" Dick mused quietly.

"What does that mean! Humans you- she cannot survive past certain temperatures I know that! she-"

"She" Dick cut through Starfire's sentence before she spiralled any further "will be fine".

Starfire's panic seemed to press on "How can you be so sure?"

"She has a human illness Star. I know you don't understand it, but if you could you'd know she's not in any danger"

Starfire held your lithe form a little tighter "I know that she is in pain Dick! I know that she is suffering!"

"Still she needs rest and for us to take care of her. Her fever should calm down soon. You're being-"

"No" Starfire glared viciously.

"Do not tell me I am being paranoid! I am not being paranoid! That is my baby!"

"Star" Dick grabbed Starfire by the shoulders.

"I know. You're not being paranoid you're being concerned. But I love her too. I know you're scared. I know. But it scares me when I see her like that too and I need you to remember that."

"I don't know what to do Dick" Starfire said quietly. Her throat chafed from screaming. "What do I do Dick"

"This is a human illness, Star." Dick gripped her shoulders, assuringly. If he could not ease her pain he'd hold her through it. "I know you don't know it and that is why. So, I need you to trust me when I tell you it won't kill her. Can you do that?"

Starfire wasn't listening her eyes stuck looking at you. Dick snatched her sight away from you when he grabbed either side of her face and tilted it to look at him "I said can you do that Star?"

She nodded and brought her hands up to hold his arms there.

His stare softened as her look of terror eased "I promise you she'll be okay. I wouldn't lie to you about her. She's mine too."

"I know" Starfire nodded "I know".

Dick let Starfire see you first. He knew she would not cope well with waiting and he did like the furniture in their home in a non-destroyed state.

She had been deeply emotional. She thought she lost you and she just grabbed onto you and broke into tears whispering earnestly against your cheek “I love you I never want you to think I don't because I do I always do no matter if we're laughing or fighting. You are mine. Mine to raise, mine to hold and mine to love.” Her fingers brushed the skin of your cheeks tenderly and she knew you were alive because she could feel your little heart beating against her and she remembered just how delicate and fragile and little you were.

She cherished the moments where you just let yourself be still with her. In a world that always seemed to find a way to spite her it was beautiful that she could just lay down and hold you in her arms. She relished in knowing that in that moment she was your shield from everything bad in the world "as long as I am here to do so you will always be loved and you will always be protected"

It doesn’t matter how big you were physically because Starfire was both bigger and stronger by a mile and you were always going to be her little baby.

You couldn't make out much more than the figures outline, but in your turmoil you couldn't help but reach out to the only comfort you could get. You nestled into the warmth and your body seemed to ease at the comfort. Starfire gladly took up all of the contact you were willing to share.

Eventually Starfire had calmed down enough and while Dick hadn't wanted to overwhelm you he couldn't resist seeing you the moment Starfire was out the room, though by then you were barely conscious at all having been overrun with the attention Starfire had undoubtedly smothered you in. He tucked you into bed, pulling the sheets over you carefully and pressed them down on either side of you before leaning down next to you and placing a tender hand on the side of your cheek before pressing a kiss into your hair. You looked so small and sweet and young and you were all his. Your eyes sleepily closing and smoothly shifting from a crumpled up exhaustion into a gentle tranquility as your body relaxed against the soft soothing of your pillow that you couldn’t help but just melt into like warm butter. Dick couldn’t help but be quietly affectionate to you “I love you” he spoke the words quietly into your hair and pressed another kiss to your cheek, smiling as he lingered by the warm, softness of your skin. 

So few times had he had the privilege of admitting love to someone verbally without it being on their deathbed. He almost hadn’t even noticed until he was already outside your door. It was so sweet and mundane and he was immediately addicted.

A/N: I was too lazy to proofread this so hopefully its okay and everything makes sense lol

[billiethepumpkin]

heyo billie!! i absolutely love love love LOVE your posts so much!! your writing is amazing and i find myself being super immersed in them! if you don’t mind me asking, could i request shinsou comforting the reader after a terrible fight with their parents and they have no else to rely on so they end up just venting EVERYTHING to him??? long story short ive been struggling with that situation and it’s been hard for me :( thank you for your works and i wish you a happy day!!

Feel Small: Hitoshi Shinsou x Reader

Warnings: Rated R. This content is intended for those ages 18 years and older. If you are a minor, pleas do not interact.

Contains: GN!reader. Parental issues. Crossed boundaries. Comfort.

Author's Note: All characters are portrayed to be ages 18 years or older because I'm an old fuck :)

You'd been away at university. It had been winter break, though, and you had gone home to visit your parents. You ate the same dinners as when you were a child; you slept in your childhood bedroom; and you had the same conversations you'd always had. You weren't even sure how it had spiraled into the screaming match between you and your mother, but here you were, pacing back and forth with your hand on your chest, trying to come back down to earth. All you wanted to do was go home.

You paced the floor in your room, waiting for a solution to appear in front of your face. You were an adult, damnit! Sure, they were your parents, but they didn't have any right to speak to you that way. You took deep breaths, but your chest didn't get any better.

But you were home. Right? You were in the place where you had grown up. You were sleeping in the bed where you had always slept. You were eating the foods you always ate, at the same table you had always eaten at. But somehow, this time, the house felt so... small. You felt so closed in and stuck, and you just wanted to get out.

Where were you supposed to go, though? It was late. Like, really late. Normal people would have been in bed, not contemplating driving all the way back to school.

Not everyone, though.

You sent a text to Shinsou. "Are you awake?" you asked. He was roughly an hour away, closer to the school you were attending, but he was all you had right now.

"What do you think?" he texted back quickly. You couldn't help but laugh as you read it in that sarcastic, snarky tone that he always had, even with you, his partner. Shinsou was always awake.

Eventually, you ended up packing all of the things you had brought to your childhood home and driving to Shinsou's apartment just barely off campus. He opened the door to let you in, and before he could even close the door, you found yourself burying your face in his shoulder. "Hi," he muttered before kissing the side of your head. He pulled you in and softly closed the door behind you before pulling you deeper into his grip. One hand held your back, the other caressing the back of your head, and he gently shushed you as you cried into him.

Hitoshi was so gentle, so delicate. He brought you to the couch and rubbed your back as the tears rolled down your face. He didn't ask what was wrong. He didn't tell you to calm down. Shinsou just held you there in comfortable silence, waiting for you to be ready to talk.

Once your breathing steadied again, he turned to you and simply asked, "What happened?"

And when you answered, boy, did the floodgates open. You let it all out. The way you felt trapped in that house now that you've been in the real world. The way you remembered their disrespect and emotional neglect from when you were a child. The way they continued to belittle you now, to speak to you as if you were still small. They made you feel small. You couldn't handle it anymore, and you weren't sure how to move forward. Because you loved your parents, right? You always thought you had. But now, ever since they shouted at you the way they did, now that they had pushed your boundaries and disrespected you from the moment you walked into their house, you were lost.

And he just listened. Shinsou, the angel that he was, just sat there next to you and listened to you vent. He rubbed your back, tracing delicate patterns over your skin, and listened until you had gotten everything out of your system. "I'm not really sure what you need right now," he said. "I still haven't really figured out how to fix the issued with my family either."

You sighed and held your face in your hands. Both of you paused for a moment while he figured out what to say. "What I do know, though, is that you are very loved," he finally continued. "I love you to death. And I know that they love you to death, too. If you need time and space, that is okay. If you need help figuring out how to set boundaries, we'll figure that out. I am here to help you, whatever that looks like right now."

Now you started crying for a different reason. "Well, fuck, Toshi," you teased, wiping your own tears with the backs of your hands. You both giggled a little bit. "I love you a whole lot," you said, falling back onto his chest, the golden light of the only lamp in the room shrouding you in shadow and creating a halo around Shinsou's head.

Hitoshi kissed your forehead and rubbed your back some more. He held you close, trying to press all the love he could into your flesh. As long as you needed him, he'd be there, whatever that meant.