#because they haven't done anything except studying

[i-am-kind-of-lost]

Indian Scholarships be like - Ah yes, you come from a wealthy family, lived in a tier 1 city, went to the best schools in the country, thereby developing a personality which we deem fit by our standards.

YOU deserve to have you college fees be reimbursed.

[prismatoxic]

okay, shipping brainrot from my last post aside, i'm still thinking about the shapeshifter arc. the other sites i use don't have inline posting or do but it's clunky, so i guess i'm theorizing here. some of this may seem obvious; bear with me, i'm not trying to be patronizing, just working through things. this will probably be long.

(edit: i've since learned there's canon explanations for all of this. regrettably i don't like them. enjoy my ideas of what would be better maybe? but keep in mind i wrote this before i knew it had been explained anywhere else.)

(edit again: i've done a 180 and come fully around on the canon explanations! i have a lot of thoughts about them but this isn't the post for that. anyway i'm disabling reblogs, sorry. you can still look at this if you want)

laios reveals what he knows of shapeshifters, and that they function on memory:

no one ever really suggests in chapters 39 or 40 who thought of which fake except in the case of which ones laios must have thought of, but i want to posit who i think each one came from, and what it means narratively if i'm right. so, mostly a thought experiment/character study that i could be wrong about or that was never meant to be clearly defined in the first place. but maybe fun to think about? (i'm sure other people have done this before too, but i think it'll be fun to write up.)

from the outset, i think it's worth mentioning that chilchuck knows all three laios fakes are, in fact, fakes. two chilchucks say this, but the one on the right is the real one. senshi and marcille immediately corroborate this, though we can't tell which of them it is except that it's not any of the really obvious fakes.

what i think this suggests is that, brought to the surface, the warped perceptions of the rest of the party that chilchuck, senshi, and marcille have can be easily discerned when compared with the real thing. each of these laioses is from one of them, but they immediately figure out none of them are right with the real laios right there in the room. this is important.

as for who's who...

i think it's fair to assume that giant laios is from chilchuck. laios is the tallest member of their party, at six feet; while chilchuck sees marcille and senshi as their correct heights, laios is a giant to him, and his bulky armor doesn't help. that's why, even if this is his perception, it's glaringly obvious that it's wrong as soon as it's made physical. it's the only big one, and easily falls into the camp of "doesn't seem to know much about monsters" that the others also do.

stupid laios is, i think, from marcille. because the giant one is so likely chilchuck's and i don't think senshi sees laios as someone who stupidly wants to eat everything (even if senshi's opinion of him isn't stellar right now, "i have to eat it" wouldn't be paired with being an idiot to senshi), it tracks that marcille would be the one to remember him this way. to someone who doesn't appreciate their monster eating and otherwise thinks he's an idiot just as much as the others do, dumbly muttering about eating things seems like a reasonable portrayal of laios.

feminine laios, then, is from senshi. i think his physical perception of the other party members is the most off-base; this is likely because he's known them for the least amount of time, and his idea of what they look like is based more on their races than anything else. i think the resemblance to falin might not be intentional--someone suggested to me the other day that the dwarf perception of tall-men is probably more feminine in contrast to how Macho dwarfs are. i think that makes sense (if it ever comes up canonically, i haven't seen it yet). laios and falin do just... look like gender-swapped versions of each other, also. so if senshi sees laios as a feminine person, well... that just winds up looking like falin.

so this leaves us with only the real laios. confronted with their perceptions of him, his friends can immediately tell all three are incorrect.

moving on, we eliminate the three most obvious fakes from the rest of the party, starting with marcille:

if we take into account what i just said about senshi, i think this is his. racial stereotypes about elves being what they are, him not knowing the party as well as the other members do... she stands out, and that's why.

now this is where things start to get interesting.

the next two fakes to be eliminated aren't so blatantly incorrect that they can be struck right out at a glance, but it's not hard to notice the flaws when you look closer, and chilchucks A and B are the ones to point it out. chilchuck is naturally observant; most of his fakes seem to emulate this. (the one who addresses the fakes is A, the real one, but B is proving himself able to pick up on the things A notices. this is important.)

notably, chilchuck and senshi assume these must be laios's versions of them.

we can assume this is correct, if we want to. we can take the framing of this as being an intentional reflection of the truth.

or... or... we can look a little deeper. we can wonder if, perhaps, this isn't a reflection of laios, but a reflection of his friends and what they think of him. laios may not immediately notice the problems, but i don't think it's because he doesn't remember these details. i don't think laios sees much of anything in vague terms; he's observant in his own right, but in ways he doesn't really recognize, nor does anyone else. i think he was so focused on their faces and mannerisms that he didn't notice the bigger picture, glossing over something because so many other factors are at play.

senshi and chilchuck think laios doesn't take notice of things, but the vast majority of the shapeshifter arc is about them and marcille not trusting laios's judgement as it is, given how things went recently. is it possible there's more to their assumptions here than what the text explicitly says? i think so!

so then who do these two belong to? marcille, i think.

if we assume dumb laios is hers, then we can also assume her perceptions of the others are kind of broad and vague. she doesn't think poorly of them, necessarily (at least not in as obvious a way as she does with laios, who, i'll remind you, she's currently upset with), but she doesn't commit unimportant details to memory, like chilchuck's neck band or the damage to senshi's helmet.

we've got three more "obvious" fakes to get through, and laios offers another lore tidbit on how the shapeshifters work:

anyway, the first of the next round is marcille again, setting the stage for how these three next fakes are eliminated.

marcille changes her hairstyle all the time, so this isn't a surprise. the last one pictured here winds up being our next fake, as indicated by her grimoire:

so the fake marcille in this section is the one with the most visibly different hair texture (who even draws attention to this), and the spellbook that's woefully incompetent. i think she's from chilchuck.

he's observant, as i said before; even if he didn't commit her hair to memory, he did remember the stuff she's said about how important hair is to magic. maybe that's why the texture is so striking. more importantly, chilchuck isn't wary of magic quite the way senshi is, but he also doesn't understand it. the general tone of the low-quality grimoire also just... sounds like the way he'd frame something like that. (plus, the "how to turn back time" bit is a thing he specifically called her on when she suggested it a few chapters ago.)

so the next fake chilchuck and senshi are revealed via their tools:

i think the chubby-cheeked chilchuck with the simple lockpicks is from senshi, and i think the ordinary-looking senshi with the simple cookware is from chilchuck. the former speaks for itself--senshi sees chilchuck as a child, and knows absolutely nothing about picking locks. as for the fake senshi, chilchuck has a decent mental image of him but knows nothing about cookware.

so now we're down to the final three fakes, and there's only one person left who they could be from: laios. nobody thinks this, not even laios himself, but i want to explore the concept because i think it has extreme merit. the three remaining fakes have some key similarities between them, namely in that they're all close enough interpretations that making a distinction is difficult. they look a tiny bit different, but both the real people and their fakes make plausible cases for why they're the actual person. i want to talk about why i think laios is the one who made that so, and what that means about him.

chapter 39 ends with all his companions--real and fake--doubting his skills. seeing a pattern?

chapter 40 opens with laios determined to regain his friends' trust in him...

...while his friends (and their fakes) talk about how he's liable to like the fakes more, because they're monsters.

this is a needlessly cruel interpretation of laios, but after how things went post-falin-rescue, it's not a surprise. they see him as reckless and single-minded, more interested in the things he's weird about than in the people around him.

laios is really bad at talking about what he's thinking--not because he's hiding it, but because it doesn't occur to him that it's important. meeting the lunatic magician in the paintings is a prime example of this, but he does it a lot. they likely have no idea why he told toshiro about falin and the black magic; to them, laios was being flippant with sensitive information, not worrying about their safety. to laios? he was trying to get help. he trusted toshiro, and his perception of their friendship made him think the information would help them gain an ally who cared about falin as much as they do. he wasn't trying to put falin or marcille in danger--far from it, in fact. but he didn't tell his friends about his thought process. he didn't think it was important to share.

(he's autistic but we all know this. moving on)

so, we have laios's plan: the pairs cook together, while he watches for behavioral differences to discern who's who. it doesn't occur to him, or anyone else, that the people he's watching for mistakes are his own perceptions of his friends. and now we get into the meat of why i wanted to write this post.

assuming i'm correct... let's talk about laios's view of his friends, and how he challenges those perceptions.

starting with my favorite, chilchuck:

chilchuck A, of course, is in fact the real one. this is a pretty significant character moment for him too, in my opinion; we know he has difficulty expressing his emotions, and that a lot of his conflicts so far have stemmed from that. the fact that "chilchuck B asked for help with a menial task" is a gotcha moment to him is... telling. not only because it's so obvious to him, but because it's not obvious to any of his companions. he thinks they know this about him, but he's never openly expressed anything to make them think this is an issue he'd have, in addition to having sought help in the past.

his "convictions and pride and all that" seems to them like someone trying to convince them of something, not someone reminding them of facts he assumes they know.

anyway, back to laios. if we accept that chilchuck B is made from his memories, this suggests several things. first of all, chilchuck B is, despite his softer eyes and willingness to ask for help, still a fairly accurate portrayal of chilchuck. he's easily annoyed and he's observant, two traits chilchuck is known for. i think the reason chilchuck B has the kinder eyes and the more gentle disposition is because to laios, those things are indicative of someone being a good person, and he very much thinks chilchuck is a good person.

we know laios isn't especially good at reading people in general. thus, his idea of who his friends are is skewed in broad strokes, but not in the ways they think. he knows who chilchuck is, but he also associates chilchuck with his own ideas of what makes someone "good", which results in a chilchuck who's less rough around the edges. confronted with this--the real chilchuck asking him if he can tell--laios compares the two and thinks, reasonably speaking, the nicer one who trusts him has to be the friend he respects so much.

senshi and marcille also want to accept this chilchuck, likely for similar reasons. they also respect and care for him; they've seen him go through a lot. laios's ideal of him is just that, ideal. in a roundabout way, it's only their deep fondness for who chilchuck really is that makes them want to see him this way.

next up, we have marcille.

the fake, marcille A, is a radical departure from what makes chilchuck B a fake. laios notes that the real marcille is exactly the same as she always is. the reason, then, that marcille A confuses him--and the others--is that after everything they've been through, their perception of her has changed radically.

if we look back to senshi and chilchuck's marcilles, it's readily apparent when they're eliminated that both interpretations hinge on the knowledge that she performs black magic. senshi's tries to use it to prove herself; chilchuck's has a grimoire loudly proclaiming it's what she does. contrast this to marcille A: she doesn't mention black magic at all, and her grimoire looks strikingly similar to the real one.

that's because laios doesn't think her performing black magic changes anything about who she is. her doing so proved her to be just as dedicated to falin as he himself is, and the knowledge that her goals involve it doesn't faze him. (additionally, marcille has been teaching him magic, and falin had tried in the past. though his image of a grimoire is flawed to someone experienced, to anyone else it looks fine.) thus, marcille A isn't a flagrant black magic wielder; she's someone who's been fundamentally changed by what they--and falin--went through.

let's go back to chapter 27:

chilchuck and senshi are appalled, and will continue to be. while they ultimately don't prevent marcille from doing this, and care enough about both her and laios (and in chilchuck's case, falin as well) to be in tentative support, this changes their view of her in a negative way. she's dangerous now, in a way she wasn't before, but she's still marcille--goofy and a little reckless. thus, their views of her, and the illusions that result.

laios's opinion of her changes for the better.

she is, all at once, both competent and loyally dedicated. she will stop at nothing to help falin. whatever goofiness she exhibited before now is gone, replaced by the cold demeanor of someone who is doing something extremely dangerous for reasons that are inherently selfish, but ultimately too important to reject.

thus, we return to marcille A: cold, sharp, dedicated. not reckless or goofy, but methodical and haunted. she may have returned to "normal" since they left the castle town, but laios's opinion of her, and understanding of her love for falin, has been forever changed.

so faced with the real marcille--still silly, still whining, still frequently annoyed with him--he's confused, because that's deeply familiar, but it doesn't line up with what he knows about her now.

the truth, of course, is nuanced--these things are true about marcille, but only under duress; it's similar to how laios becomes a competent leader when the going gets tough. she has this within her, but it's not her default state of being. still, the shapeshifter picks up on the strongest memories laios has of her, this new interpretation of someone he thought he knew.

now then--onto senshi, the punchline of this particular joke about the differences between the copies. i still think it says a lot.

i think this one speaks for itself, though i find chilchuck's agreement interesting. senshi is the newest member of the team; little is known about him. laios happily notes that senshi "always looks cool" while chilchuck says he looks normal (and chilchuck B insults the real one). laios sees senshi this way because he thinks senshi is cool as hell, and this manifests in an idealized version of a face he's not as familiar with as he is with chilchuck and marcille.

this is clearly comedy, but it also speaks to the same desire to see the best in the rest of the party. marcille is the only one who notices likely because her opinion of senshi isn't so romanticized. chilchuck's senshi, of note, wasn't a perfect replica: we don't see much of him after the obvious fakes are hauled off, but he's a little squashed (he's the top one):

which indicates that chilchuck's visual memory of senshi is already flawed. if we compare this to giant laios and the marcille with the unique hair texture, it tells us chilchuck's attention to detail is more specific than the others'; he can remember the hole in the helmet, the importance of hair, but he doesn't quite see the bigger picture. giant laios is also surprisingly... rugged? which i imagine has to do with chilchuck's perception of him as a tall-man. (or maybe how he clearly has trouble seeing laios's face half the time, lmao...)

anyway. laios thinks senshi is super cool and chilchuck has an imperfect idea of what senshi look like as it is. (i wonder if chilchuck is some degree of faceblind? not enough to not recognize someone at all, but can't pinpoint specifics.)

and so, we arrive at the moment of truth.

so let's go over what i'm theorizing here... all the remaining fakes are illusions based on how laios sees his friends. the illusions manage to make mistakes that reveal the truth to him, but i think the reason for that harkens back to what laios said earlier... the illusions are being updated over time.

laios isn't considering any of the things that give the fakes away until this moment. if it had taken a little longer to resolve things, maybe they'd have started course-correcting, but they aren't given the chance. laios makes sure they aren't--he acts very quickly. even as he presents the three pairs with his findings, he's aware that everything will fall apart as soon as he does... and he's banking on that. while the shapeshifter illusions defend themselves from being killed, he gets right to the heart of the matter in the only way he knows how: confronting the actual monster involved.

when all's said and done, laios reveals how he figured it out:

potentially of note, all of these details happened before the red dragon fight. chilchuck fighting a mimic and revealing his history with them, senshi gushing about the dungeon's ecosystem, and marcille being attacked by the undine weren't super recent memories. when laios brought them forth in his mind, he had a delay before the shapeshifter updated its illusions.

well... except with marcille. marcille A actually didn't show her hand so easily; it was the real marcille's carelessness that proved her identity.

but what this suggests is that, when confronted with the realities of marcille versus his idealized version of her, laios had to make a choice: did it make more sense for her to have been radically changed by the revival and subsequent loss of falin, or was the presence of a marcille he knew so well proof of an illusion? she was the one who was the most different, and as such, the contrast was the same one that eliminated all three laioses at the start: with the real thing in the room, the fake became apparent.

so, to reach a conclusion: one again, laios has proven he's not as scatterbrained as his companions think, but this time he did so on a more personal level than usual. to them, he reveals that he knows their quirks enough to define them by such when they're otherwise faced with convincing copies. to us, the readers, if we accept what i've suggested here... he's revealed a lot more. he respects, admires, and idolizes his friends, all out of fondness: he wants to see them in an ideal way, whatever that means for each of them as individuals.

anyway thanks for coming to my TED talk

[mimsynims]

Fool For Love

part 9

~~~

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8

~~~

Author’s Note: Aaand it’s finally done! I always have trouble wrapping up a story, and this one was no exception… but I hope you’ll enjoy it!

This will be posted at AO3 at some point. (In fact, if I write more BG3 fics I’ll probably post it on AO3 instead of Tumblr, as usual. And I do have a few ideas actually…👀)

Thank you all for the likes, reblogs, and comments <3 it has definitely helped me keep going!

~~~

Astarion x reader/Tav

Tags: (mildish?) angst, pining, pining while fucking, jealousy, minor Karlach/Dammon, finally a happy ending for these two knuckleheads

Summary: You thought you knew what you were doing when you let Astarion into your bed. He doesn’t have feelings for you, and vice versa. Only…now you do.

To begin with, you didn’t handle it well. You tried moving on, and that seemed to work. At least you told yourself that it did.

Then something happened that gave you hope. Perhaps he feels something for you too, after all?

~~~

You find him on the path close to the archway, in almost the same spot where you talked to Bex mere days ago. You take a moment to study him from afar. It’s hard to be sure when there’s nothing but the light from the moon illuminating him, but you think his shoulders look tense. Is this your doing?

You wish you could hug him, offer to him relax in your arms.

“I’m afraid your personal blood bank will be closed for a while,” you joke as you walk closer, hoping it will lighten his mood. “For restocking purposes.”

Astarion doesn’t turn around, and when he remains silent for several tension-filled seconds, you wonder if your quip was a mistake.

“Did you mean it?” he finally asks.

The question takes you by surprise and try as you might, you can’t figure out what he’s talking about. “I’m sorry?”

“You said that you’d do anything for me. Did you mean it?”

Oh. That. “Yes.”

Your heart starts pounding as he shifts to look at you. Silvery beams of moonlight caress his beautiful face, a face painted with apprehension — and possibly hope.

“And what does that mean?”

“What do you want it to mean?” you ask in return, because you’re not ready to say those three little words. Not yet.

“Nice try, Tav.” His jaw tightening, Astarion suddenly looks closed off. “If you’re going to play coy with me you might as well leave.”

With that, he turns away from you again — and it feels like a stab to the heart. “It means,” you amend quickly, “that I care for you.” You’ve never been good at expressing your emotions. Never been good at opening yourself up to other people. And it’s scary to do so now. “Deeply.”

Astarion scoffs. “I bet you said that to Gale too,” he says, and the bitterness in his voice stings.

“I– what are you talking about?”

“I saw you. You went to him.”

Acting without thought, you rush forward to place yourself in front of him to make sure that he looks at you; he needs to fully understand what you say next. “It wasn't like that, we only talked. Astarion, you’re special to me.”

You steel yourself for another cutting remark, but you’re helpless against the sad expression that replaces the anger. “So special that you decided to end things between us?”

Fool. You’ve been a fool. “I ended things because I didn’t think…” Taking a deep breath, you tell yourself to be honest. “I did it because I was jealous and I couldn’t handle the possibility of you breaking my heart.”

His brow twitches in confusion. “You were jealous? Of who?”

You desperately ache to touch him, but you hold yourself back. “Shadowheart. Halsin. Anyone that I thought was sharing your bed besides me.”

“Tav. Darling.” He sounds exasperated but hearing the endearment again sparks tingles of joy and hope inside your chest. “I haven't invited anyone to my bed since we started sleeping together.”

Oh. Oh. “Really?”

“Yes, really.” For the first time since you found him, a small smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. “I thought you knew that.”

“No. No, I didn’t.” To say that you’ve been an idiot is an understatement. You’ve let yourself see things that aren’t there because you are insecure. “I haven’t either, you know. Been with anyone else since you.”

The smile twists into something teasing and sultry that feels more like Astarion. “Is that so?”

“It is, and I honestly can’t believe you’d think anything different.” It’s true. While you wouldn’t call yourself unattractive, you’ve never really been one to draw the attention of potential lovers. You’ve had a few before Astarion of course, but in general, people have been more inclined to remain your friend rather than try to pursue something more. “You wouldn’t have looked twice at me if you had seen me on the streets of Baldur’s Gate.”

“Now that is just untrue, my dear Tav.” He reaches for your hand, taking it in his. “As you so bluntly pointed out that night, my motives for seducing you may partly have been driven by self-preservation, but I chose you for a reason — and not because you're our reluctant leader.”

His slender fingers grip you tighter and the touch is exactly what you need just then. “Is that so?” you echo, attempting to sound teasing. You fail spectacularly.

“I was drawn to you even before I started to develop feelings for you.” Lifting your hand, he presses a lingering kiss on the sensitive skin of your palm before resting it against his cheek. “At first, I thought it was the need for your body that kept you in my thoughts night and day. But as I got to know you better, I realised it was your mind — you — that held my attention.” Closing his eyes, he leans into the touch with a sigh. “What Cazador had me do… It taught me how to read people. But you…?” He opens his eyes again to look at you, and what you see makes your heart skip a beat. “I thought I had you figured out, but you continuously prove me wrong. And I appreciate that more than I can express.”

“Astarion.” There’s so much you want to say. So much you need to say. But in that moment, you finally find the courage to tell him what you should’ve told him weeks ago, so the rest will just have to wait. “Astarion, I love you.”

His eyes widen in surprise as something vulnerable flashes across his face. After five heartbeats — you know, because you counted — he lets go of your hand to gently cup your neck.

The kiss is soft and gentle. Careful. In a way, it feels like a first kiss.

“Why didn’t you tell me that instead of breaking up with me?” He kisses you again before you can reply. “There you go again, doing the unexpected.”

You don’t even try to hold back a smile. “Have to keep you on your toes, you know. And I didn’t tell you because I wasn’t sure it would be welcomed, you silly goose.” To your surprise, it no longer hurts as much thinking back to that night. “First you disappeared and then when I found you, you were sitting between Halsin and Shadowheart.”

“My my, were you jealous, darling?” he drawls in mock surprise. The bastard.

“Of course I was!” You very carefully wrap your arms around his waist, ignoring the ache from your injury. Because you need to feel him against you, pain be damned. “Why do you think I gave Gale so much attention?”

“And got yourself decadently drunk, too. It was a glorious sight.”

“Oh shush, you.” Despite yourself, you laugh.

“I have to apologise, though, my darling. I, too, was jealous.” His breath is warm against your cheek as he leans forward to rest his forehead against yours. “I could tell something was troubling you, but you kept being so elusive. I assumed… I thought that meant you only deemed me worthy of getting access to your body, and nothing more.”

“Astarion.” The sincerity and sorrow permeating his words make you feel like a villain. “Gods, I’m so sorry, too. At the time, I didn’t think you’d be interested in anything else.”

“I want anything and everything you give me, Tav.” You feel his fingers slide down your uninjured side, gripping you as firmly as he dares to. Lifting his head to get a better look at you, his eyes lock with yours. “I love you, with everything that I am.”

You can see the truth of it in his gaze, can feel it in his touch. He loves you. Was it always there and you were just blind to it? Or did he hide his feelings, just like you did?

It doesn’t matter, you decide, because all you need to know is that he’s in your arms.

“You have all of me, Astarion.”

“My beautiful Tav.”

You share another kiss, and then Astarion insists you both go back to camp to let you rest. The thrumming pain of the wound is there, but it’s easily overshadowed by the warmth blooming in your chest every time Astarion throws a smile your way on your way back. His hand is still linked with yours — it’s such a small detail but it feels infinitely more intimate than anything else you’ve shared with him so far. It’s impossible to stop smiling — not that you’re trying.

He follows you to your tent but to your dismay, he tries to leave after he has made sure that you have everything you need.

“Please don’t leave,” you say, refusing to let go of him. “I want you to stay. Stay the night.”

“Tav, my love, you’re in no condition to have sex.”

My love. It almost throws you off course to hear the new endearment. “Astarion, my love,” you counter, and oh, it’s worth it to see his reaction, “I wasn’t suggesting we’d have sex. I just want you close. Assuming that’s alright, of course.”

“Really?” He sounds just a tad surprised; that’s something you and he will need to unpack before going any further. But not tonight. “Well, that I can do.”

It takes a bit of careful shuffling around, but you manage to find a position that’s comfortable for you both without putting pressure on your injury.

He’s here. In your arms. You didn’t think you’d get to have this, but he truly is here. Your contented sigh is nothing but a muffled exhale into his curls but he doesn’t seem to mind, giving you a fond chuckle in response.

“Are you sniffing my hair, darling?”

“No.” It doesn’t sound convincing even to your own ears. “Well. Maybe a little,” you confess. “I can’t help that you smell nice.”

“Oh, I don’t mind, pet. Your scent is quite enticing too, you know.” You feel his chest expanding as he takes a deep inhale. “Drives me crazy sometimes.”

“Since you drive me crazy on a regular basis, I’d say that’s only fair.”

“Why, you little cheek..! Just watch me be even more annoying from now on.”

“You’re not annoying,” you say, trying to hold back a yawn. “You’re just a handful.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Of course–“ you lose the battle against another yawn. “…you will.”

You feel the press of his lips against your skin. “Quite right.”

“Astarion?” Your eyelids start to get heavy, and for the first in what seems like ages, you feel completely safe and relaxed. “I’m so happy I have you in my life.”

“Me too, darling. Me too.” His hand slides down to find yours, lacing your fingers. “Now go to sleep, my love. I’ll watch over us. And tomorrow we will face whatever comes next. Together.”

~~~

[vanesycho]

When we are 30.

f!reader x doyoung [Angst]

wc:1,8k

──────────────────────

It was lunch break at school, you went up to the roof, you usually liked to sit there, quiet, calm, no one was there. Except for Doyoung. When you saw him sitting in your usual place, you walked towards him. As he heard footsteps, Doyoung turned his head to you. "You're here." You smiled slightly, sat down next to him, and handed him one of the strawberry milks you bought.

He mumbled a thank you, studying your face for a moment, still not understanding how you weren't so well known in school, you were beautiful, smart, capable of doing anything you set your mind to. "It's not okay to watch people like that, Doyoung." you chuckled when you saw him quickly turn his head away. “I wasn’t watching.” You didn't answer, you both knew what the truth was after all. "Just..."

He couldn't finish the sentence for a while but that wasn't a problem for you, you always waited patiently for him, Doyoung was a very introverted person unlike you. "I just don't understand, why are you talking to me?" You frowned at the unexpected question, "What do you mean?" He pressed his lips together, it was obvious that he was having difficulty but you couldn't understand what was going on.

"I mean...I'm not welcome at school, no one talks to me and I'm ignored by everyone, but you talk to me." You took a breath "Because people are stupid, you haven't done anything wrong, they just exclude you because you're not like them." He glanced at the strawberry milk he bought from you, "Am I not like them?"

"No you're not, most people here are immature, their purpose of coming to school is outside of studies, you're too kind-hearted for the people here so everyone see you as naive." he nodded in agreement, still not complaining, even though Doyoung was upset about being alone at the beginning of school, now you were there and he didn’t care about the others. You always protected him against bullying, you were by his side, you could tell he was upset even if he didn't say it. He smiled to himself as the memories came to mind. When you noticed this you smiled back. “You okay?”

He turned to you, the sun was setting and it was reflecting on both of your faces, the gentle breeze caressing your hair. Doyoung didn’t hesitate to look into your eyes, examining every single feature, one by one. Your eyes that he likes to look at, your lips that he thinks are still beautiful even though they are eating from stress, your hair that he constantly caresses with an excuse. For the first time, you felt embarrassed under his gaze. "Let's be together." You couldn't comprehend what he said, you just continued to stare at him in surprise. "What?" Doyoung extended his pinky finger to you, you looked at it.

"If there is no one in our lives when we are 30, let's be together."

──────────────────────

Years had passed, and the person called Doyoung was just a memory. You looked at the bracelet you found in the box for a while, it was his gift to you, he had bought it for the both of you after you made this promise to each other. You smiled sadly, still remembered his face so clearly, how could you forget? He was your first love.

Things didn't go as expected, you had to move to another city because of your father's job, and even though you continued to talk on the phone for the first few months, it didn't work out. You couldn't fix the coldness that had come between you, or you didn't try. And today was your 30th birthday, you had stopped celebrating birthdays a few years ago, it seemed like they had become more and more meaningless as the years went by. You looked at the bracelet for a while longer and decided to keep it with you, at least you could have it with you on this birthday.

When you came to kindergarten you walked in with a smile, you always loved children so no one was surprised when you decided to become a kindergarten teacher. You cleaned up the place a bit and waited for the families to drop off the children, and the place started to fill up with children one by one. You couldn't help but get teary-eyed when every child came to you and gave you a gift they had prepared and wished you a happy birthday.

When it was noon, you left the children to play in the garden, you looked after them all, stayed close to them to make sure nothing bad happened to them. But your attention was diverted when you saw a little girl running around alone outside the garden. "Honey, I'll be right back, don't go anywhere." You stroked the hair of the boy next to you and quickly walked to the sidewalk, blocking the way for the crying girl, she looked up at you, sniffed, you got down on your knees and leaned over her.

"Hey hey, don't cry sweetie, what are you doing here all by yourself? Where are your parents?" The girl spoke between her tears, "They want to send me to a place called kindergarten but I don't want it, why are they leaving me alone?" Yes, this was the pain of most children, so you smiled slightly, it was a situation you were used to, you tucked the girl's hair behind her ear and wiped her tears. "They don't leave you alone, some families...They are busy and they can't keep an eye on their children because of their work, and they send you to kindergarten so they don't leave you alone at home, that way the person there can take care of you and nothing bad will happen to you."

The girl's crying stopped after a while. "So they won't leave me alone forever?" You chuckled. “No, little thing, they won’t leave you alone. They’ll come and pick you up from a place called kindergarten in a few hours when their work was done.” The girl nodded "What's your name?" You asked the little girl.

"Hyejin!!" You turned your head when you heard a shout from behind, a man in a suit was running towards you, you stood up, as he got closer his face became more recognizable and you just stood there. The man quickly leaned over to the girl and hugged her tightly. You watched them. "Hyejin, don't ever do something like that again, my angel. Do you have any idea how scared I was?" The little girl mumbled an apology and when they pulled back, the man spoke "Thank you so much, if it weren't-" He looked up and his mouth dropped open when he saw you, he slowly stood up and took a few steps closer "Y/n.." His voice was more of a whisper, like he was trying to make sure it was you. "Doyoung." On the contrary, you said it with confidence, you never forgot his face, you couldn't forget it. "Dad, do you know her?"

'Dad'. This word had the effect of stabbing you in the heart dozens of times, you swallowed hard, Doyoung turned to his daughter "Yes, she was..." he looked at you but then quickly averted his eyes "She was my friend from high school." You understood, of course you would have your own lives, years had passed, yet you still couldn't bring yourself to accept it, why were you the one who suffered even though Doyoung was the one who started that promise? When you stopped talking, you tried everything to be the same as before, but after a while, your messages stopped being answered, and when you called him, realized he had changed his phone number. You couldn't even bring someone new into your life and now here he was, standing in front of you with his daughter.

"Hyejin, you go to your mother. I'll come." The little girl looked at you for a while, looked at your eyes filled with tears with concern, but without saying anything, she walked over to her mother who was standing behind. Doyoung turned to you again, he seemed to want to say something but was having a hard time, still. You waited patiently for him, it was a difficult moment for both of you. "It's been a long time, you...You're still the same." 'You're still beautiful' was what was on his mind but he couldn't find the courage to say it, he thought it was wrong. "So are you." Silence passed between you for a while, but Doyoung was the first to interrupt it, "Happy birthday." You looked at him in surprise. "You-"

"I remember. I never forgot." 'Then why did you leave? Why didn't you answer? Why did you distance yourself?' The questions that crossed your mind remained only in your mind, you could never ask and you would never be able to ask. "Thank you." Doyoung took a deep breath “Do you work here?” You looked at the garden, the children were continuing to play, "Yes." He licked his dry lips, sending you a few furtive glances. “She- I mean my daughter Hyejin, we’ll bring her here, after today.” You nodded in agreement, turning your head away so he couldn’t see your filled eyes, but Doyoung had already noticed, his heart aching. "I'm glad, you can be sure I'll take good care of her."

"I have no doubt." An awkward silence again. You hadn't expected to see him and you regretted seeing him, but the real problem was that you were going to see him everyday. "Then I'd better go now, I have to keep an eye on the kids." He nodded in approval, couldn't say anything as you just walked past him, he just watched from behind. You entered the garden and listened with interest as some of the children came up to you and told you something. Even though it was hard, Doyoung took his eyes off you, knowing that he had to forget some things.

A few minutes later Hyejin entered the garden. You walked towards her and let out a deep breath when you realized Doyoung was finally gone. “Are you okay, honey?” The girl smiled at you and gave you a hug, you wrapped your arms around her tightly. "I'm fine, thanks to you." You smiled and stepped back as the girl rummaged through her pockets as if she had just remembered something, you watched her. Blinked rapidly when you saw the bracelet she took out. It was your bracelet. "Where did you find this?"

"My dad saw you drop it on the ground and said I should give it to you. I guess it's something you shouldn't lose, is it important?" You felt your eyes fill with tears again as you took the bracelet in your hand. "Yes, it is. It was the only thing that mattered to me."

[elleloquently]

hello!!!! can i request a mini fic fluff ellie helps the reader with her swamped homeworks

| a/n : wrote this in my free time instead of.... you guessed it, doing homework. thank u for requesting <3 this is kinda short n sweet but i hope it will be enjoyed <3 this is dedicated to you anon, and everyone else who is absolutely overwhelmed w class

| c/w : self deprecating talk? kinda but not super serious. established relationship, ellie being a cute gf ): fluff central. kinda elle-coded 'cause reader cries

too soft for all of it - ellie williams

it took you a few seconds longer than usual to notice your phone ringing. you blinked heavily, tearing your eyes away from your bright laptop screen.

“hello?” you finally answered, stifling a yawn.

“babe, the fourth ring? you’re seriously giving me fourth ring treatment?” ellie’s voice was a welcomed change in place of the lectures you had been listening to all day.

"sorry els," you muttered halfheartedly. you glanced at your planner, frowning. you had been working at this assignment for hours, at this rate you were behind schedule.

"what's wrong?" ellie asked, her voice softer.

"nothing," you sniffed. "just school. tired."

"are we still hanging out today?" ellie asked, eyebrows furrowed in concern. you hadn't texted her for a couple hours, ellie's first indication that something was wrong.

at her question, an irritating lump began to form at the back of your throat. you were supposed to hang out with your girlfriend today. you were also supposed to catch up on your assignments- it had been an extra busy week and you felt as though you were barely holding on. you had mapped out your week, organized which assignments you were going to complete on which day. however, some things were much harder than you had expected and your brain decided to feel blue this week instead of motivated.

not completing homework meant not seeing ellie, which was undoubtedly your final straw.

"i can't," you choked out, immediately drawing more concern from ellie. "i'm so busy ellie, and i've barely got anything done-"

"hey, it's okay," ellie soothed, automatically in girlfriend mode.

"it's NOT," you groaned, causing ellie to grimace. she felt bad listening to you on the phone, not being able to handle the sound of your voice breaking. "i haven't even started my essay yet, and i have three exams to study for, THREE ellie williams, three!"

ellie held back a laugh, clearing her throat before responding. "i know babe, i'm really sorry. is there anything i can do?"

you shook your head despite being on the phone. ellie heard rustling as you switched your phone to your opposite ear, turning your attention back to your laptop. "i can't do this anymore," you mumbled.

"yes you can, you're gonna get through it," ellie murmured, listening carefully to your uneven breathing.

"i have to drop out of school," you told ellie, rubbing your eye and trying to force the tears away.

"no," ellie disagreed. she felt bad, knowing how much you were struggling. the pain in your voice was enough to make ellie want to do anything and everything for you, but she couldn't help but smile at the dramatics.

"yes," you hiccuped. "i have to drop out of school, and m'gonna be a failure forever. my family will probably hate me and... and my eyes are gonna be fuzzy forever because i have too much homework and i can't, i can't look at my laptop anymore and my head always hurts," you cried, feeling pathetically small at how quickly your eyes welled up.

"whoa," ellie tried to keep her voice even, it was a horrible time to even let out a small chuckle. "i'm really sorry babe, it's gonna b-"

"and my stomach hurts because the dining hall food sucks, i just wanna take a hot bath so bad... everybody needs to leave me alone," you complained, trying to speak normally through the tears. "except for you," you added weakly.

"phew, glad i made the cut," ellie sighed in pretend relief, something that would normally be a quick way to make you giggle.

"ellie," you whined, pouting at your laptop screen.

"i know. how about you pack your stuff?" ellie suggested, already standing to retrieve her wallet and keys.

"weren't you listening? i can't hang out, i have to-"

"quit school and have fuzzy eyes? i hear you," ellie acknowledged. "but how about you come do those things at my apartment?"

your heartbeat quickened at ellie's offer, but you felt too defeated to take it seriously. "i can't," you cried, and ellie quickly turned up the volume on her phone. you were sniffing and your voice sounded muffled.

you rested your head on your desk, gently pushing your laptop away from you.

"you wanna stay at your dorm?" ellie questioned, already knowing the answer.

"no," you sobbed, and ellie winced.

"pack your stuff then, okay? you can come and have a nice bath, and i'll help you with everything, yeah? does that sound good?" ellie coaxed, already leaving from her front door.

"okay," you agreed meekly, standing up from your desk and looking helplessly around your room. "thank you ellie," you mumbled, wiping your tear stained cheeks roughly with your sleeve.

"don't thank me, just get ready, alright? i'll be there soon."

with promises to drive safe, you quickly began throwing everything you needed to bring into a bag. your eyes felt heavy with sleep as you packed and waited, but ellie kept her word and arrived for you as quickly as she could.

you met her at the front door of your building, bag slung carelessly over your shoulder.

with swollen lips and puffy eyes from crying, ellie’s heart lurched at the first sight of you.

"i'll trade you," ellie said in a greeting, automatically taking your bag from you and presenting you with your favorite order from a cafe down the street. you gasped in surprise, eyes welling up with tears.

"ellie," you uttered, looking to her in awe.

"what?" she asked nonchalantly, taking your free hand. "anything for my favorite girl," she told you. you trudged along to ellie's car, gasping when she opened the door for you to reveal a bundle of flowers waiting in the passenger seat.

at first you were silent, but ellie's proud smile quickly disappeared from her face when you finally choked out a sob.

"what?" she panicked, glancing wide eyed from the flowers to your face. "what's wrong?"

you stared at her, tears once again slipping down your checks. "this is so sweet." your chin wobbled as you spoke, and ellie squeezed your hand.

"it's not supposed to make you cry!" ellie rushed. "it's supposed to make you stop crying." she was partly concerned, partly amused as she watched your face contort with emotion.

"it's jus' sweet," you hiccuped, blinking slowly.

"you're sweet," ellie praised, coaxing you into the car. "c'mon, let's get you back so you can rest before you crash, we don't need you to be a crybaby and grumpy," she teased.

"hey," you frowned, sniffing the flowers that you held in your lap.

"hey," ellie repeated. "i'll help you, you're gonna be just fine."

“you’re gonna make me cry again,” you warned, sensitive but holding back a smile.

“uh oh,” ellie grimaced. “let’s get you outta here, waterworks.”

“ellie!” you exclaimed, finally breaking out into a grin.

ellie swelled with pride once you finally smiled, a feeling that carried her through the evening while she helped you get through everything you were stressed about.

by the end of the night, you were feeling much better, especially considering how the day had started.

[seullovesme]

my daisy. » kang seulgi

pairing ⥬ kang seulgi x reader

genre ⥬ fluff (happy late valentines!)

summary ⥬ a girl with brightest smile gifted you a bouquet of assorted flowers for valentines day, bringing life to your world that was once dull and colorless

wc ⥬ 1.8k

'so, i'll just wait for you to bloom' - my daisy (w2e)

dread.

that was the name of the feeling that took over your body as you watched all the couples gathering in the hall, everyone in their own pair except for a handful of people. unfortunately, you were in that select few.

you hated valentines day. not because you hate the idea of love, but because out of all years of your life you never had a valentine. ever since you were a little kid, seeing your parents have a whole day where they showered each other in love like they were carefree made you want that for yourself.

but here you are, standing all alone, surrounded by people who weren't. tsk. it's not like you wanted a valentine anyways. the thought of pretty flowers or sweet chocolates in the shapes of heart, or cute letters that held the feelings of love and admiration, yuck! definitely not anything you desired.. not at all.

you push past the mingling bodies as you mutter curse words under your breath, annoyed by the smell of love in the air. you finally reach the door to your class, but you open it to reveal the class gathered in a circle. it intrigued you for a moment, until you realized who sat in that spot. kang seulgi, that silly girl.

god, how long have you had this crush on her and still haven't tested your luck? whatever, not like it mattered. kang seulgi was everybody's crush at this point, you were one of many. the bear was in the school dance team and she was classified as "hottest girl to roam the school grounds". curse her and her good genes. you didn't even like her for her looks.

you loved her kind soul and cute smile, and she really sealed her mark on your heart when she bought you a new folder with a teddy bear on it because these careless kids thought it was okay to rip your original one. she was one of a kind, but nowhere near your league. she didn't even really know you, you were just another student in her class, your only interactions surrounding school topics. it was whatever, you didn't care for love anymore.

when you peeked over, you spotted a bouquet in seulgi's hands, her eyes closed shut with a frown on her face. the people around her begging her to spill who the flowers were for, throwing out names as well. you felt anger rise in your chest at them clearly ignoring how bothered seulgi was. were they brainless? they should leave her alone.

you were going to walk up and give them a piece of your mind when a friend called your name. you were shocked by how loud she was, feeling embarrassed by all the eyes looking over. you walked towards her, but you were stopped by a hand.

the room went silent for a moment, the sound of whispers breaking it occasionally. you looked at the hand and trailed up their arm, all the way to their face. hm, they looked a lot like kang seulgi. wait.

kang seulgi?!

the girl held the bouquet and gave you a soft smile. "hi, y/n!"

"happy valentines day! i was going to ask you to be my valentine, but i was so scared you were going to reject me." she rubbed her nape nervously and directed her eyes to something off to the side. you just opened and closed your mouth like a fish out of water, trying to process this all while thinking of what to say.

your reaction frightens the sweet seulgi, making her sweat bullets. maybe she shouldn't have done this, she was probably making you uncomfortable!

"ahh.. sorry. i thought—i thought that doing this would have been better than asking, but it seems like it was only worse. ahem–" seulgi pushed the flowers out to you. "these are for you. i saw you looking at this flower at the flower shop and i assumed they were your favorite."

you studied the plants she held in her hands, amazed that she figured out your favorite flower, more so that she remembered that you bumped into her two months ago at the shop your friend worked at.

you took the bouquet and formulated the words in your head. "thank you." was all you said as you just looked at your dirty white shoes. you looked up and glanced around when you heard your classmates discussing amongst themselves. you suddenly felt shy under their gaze, particularly the girl who was patiently waiting for you to say something.

"could you.. maybe meet me after school?" you propose, which made seulgi's smile widen as she furiously nodded. you reflected the same expression, smiling at the bear's cuteness. it should be a crime to be so hot and so cute at the same time.

seulgi turned to return to her seat, hopping like a little kid who got candy but only she got something much sweeter.

you waited at the school gate, continuously smelling the delicate flowers. you wondered if your friend crafted the bouquet for her. just the thought of it made you blush like crazy.

"you look like a tomato." you spin in an instant after hearing seulgi compare you to a fruit. you quickly put your free hand on your cheek, trying to cool your face down. "who's making you blush like that? i'll fight them."

seulgi fighting for you? you let out a chortle, covering your mouth at the slipped laugh. she raised a curious eyebrow at you.

you ignored her question and carefully put her flowers into your bag, making sure not to crush a single petal. "i'm serious, i'll fight anyone who tries to steal you from me." she threatens with determination. you're stunned by how straightforward she was, and she saw.

"i mean—if you want to be mine that is." she lets another nervous laugh, rubbing her nape. that was a thing she often did when she was nervous, you picked up from her behavior before. adorable, a nervous seulgi, how funny.

the school crush is scared of rejection too.

"can we take a walk to the park? i just want to talk about, you know, uhm, all of this?" you rushed to say, hoping she could understand your jumbled talk. she nodded and followed your lead as you began walking in the right direction. seulgi just hoped that if you were going to shut her down, that you would let her down easy. her heart could not take the pain of rejection, she could barely handle the thought of you not liking her gifts.

"so.."

"so."

"it was you, by the way." you state.

"what was me?"

"the one who made me blush. it was you.." you felt shy repeating it out loud. "so you don't need to fight anyone."

seulgi's heart was beating so hard that she feared you could really hear it. she made you blush. fuck, she was in deep.

"when did you start thinking you liked me?" you interrogated as you paused at the crosswalk, the light red for pedestrians. you turned to meet her eyes and noticed the small height difference she had over you, the bear was just red in the face.

"i don't think i like you,"

WHAT?

"i know i like you. if you don't believe me, ask my heart." you couldn't help but fold over her cheesy words. if you knew she was such a cheeseball, you would have prepared your heart better. clearly, her effects on you were severe. you plant your face into your palms and turn away from her.

seulgi's shocked by your reaction, but she soon hears your girly squeals. "kang seulgi, where did you learn to be so cheesy?!" you exclaimed. she just watched you in adoration, loving how you were so giddy over two sentences. you cooled down and fixed your posture, trying to look unaffected by her.

"hm, i guess it runs in my blood."

the red hand turned into a green walking symbol, signaling that it was okay to cross. you began walking, yet again stopped by seulgi. she just smiled and grabbed your hand, wrapping it around her arm. you held her arm in confusion. "hold tightly when we cross, okay?"

the same heat creeped to your face once again. you started dragging her, so fed up by her gentleman-like manners. stupid seulgi and her stupid charisma.

you finally reached the park with your arms still linked. seulgi let a small cough out and when she got your attention, you realized you were still tightly holding onto her. you scrambled to untangle your arms, pretending to clear your throat. you watched her carefully set her bag onto the bench beside you, and she reached for the straps of your bag as well.

you let her take it off of you, loving how gentle and kind she was. she just met your eyes with her soft ones.

"well seulgi, thank you for the flowers. i honestly wasn't expecting to receive anything today, i usually don't get anything gifts. i didn't think anyone ever noticed me. i'm not pretty like those girls who fawn over you during your performances, or as confident as those boys would trip over each other trying to be the first to give you a compliment in the mornings." you give an airy laugh, your pained expression seen by the bear.

she was hurt that you didn't see yourself the way she saw you. seulgi stepped forward and wrapped you tightly in her arms, giving her famous bear hug to you for the first time.

"baby, don't you see? i noticed you. you are my pretty girl who sits in the library, falling asleep reading romance novels. my confident girl who hides in the dance practice rooms during lunch, singing and dancing your heart out when you think no one is watching." your eyes widen. seulgi knew you did that?! shit..

"i like you for who you are, so please don't be discouraged by others who could never compare to you." seulgi closes her eyes and enjoys your soft body, tightening her embrace. she feels you snake your arms around her waist. the two of you stood there in such a comforting position.

"baby?" you teased. seulgi whined at that.

"that's all you got?"

"hm.. you called me baby." you whisper, so happy to finally experience a feeling you thought only existed in movies.

"i did. i want to call you that forever, would you let me do so?"

you stayed silent to tease her again. she started to get antsy and tried to wiggle out of your arms to study what face you were making, but you stood firmly, not letting her escape.

"yes. i now declare seulgi as my baby as well!" you yelled. seulgi gasped and spun you in the air, the world's brightest smile on her face.

you looked around and suddenly the sky was bluer and the grass was greener. the color of the flower popped and the world was so colorful. you knew why.

the cause was standing right in front of you, grinning like an idiot. but you couldn't make fun of her when you were doing the exact same.

had to rewrite cuz tumblr keeps eating my posts

[sucuretcannelle]

hi! i briefly remember you saying that you're into if's, so i was wondering what your favorites are

Sighs and shakes a red cup full of ice

Nobody thinks I'm a nerd till they hear the way I talk about interactive fiction...no one knows...

Anyway I started playing IF's in like December. Time flies

This is kind of in order? Of like enjoyment. HOWEVER take this with a grain of salt because I was sitting here trying to rearrange them (except the top 3) for 40 minutes. If it was mentioned, it's good 🙂‍↕️

1. The six that thrive by @the-six-that-thrive-if —

the way I was playing this bro. I wouldn't let myself sleep until I was done with the demo and not because it felt like I had to, but I knew I would be PISSED if I went to bed without absorbing all the content (Dante give me a chance PLEASE 🙏🙏🙏). Anyway the hierarchy system reminds me of the one that I have for the way I wrote hell and I was like 🫵 OMG THATS SO COOL.

Key factor that I appreciate: Dialogue, descriptions, and transitions. Dante is deadass so funny I'm not even playing bro. Buddy how do you write like that, lmk. Also the official art has me gnawing at the bars of my enclosure

2. College Tennis: Origin Story by @collegetennisoriginstory — I ACTUALLY HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM BRO. LOOK. IN MY HEAD, I WAS IGNORING THAT THEY WERE PLAYING TENNIS SO I WAS VISUALIZING VOLLEYBALL. SO AT SOME POINT I READ THE WORD RACKET AND I WAS LIKE WHAT ARE WE PLAYING???

Key factor that I appreciate: Skill checks, attention to side characters, amazing use of character tropes. Idk how to describe it but the writing felt so CLEAN. Like so organized and orderly. Plus I wanna study all of the characters under a microscope

3. Superstition (omg first IF I ever played) by @13leaguestories — I played this while I was sick and that's literally all I did for 2 days besides eating and sleeping. Am I okay? Yeah cuz it happened in December but like I was OBSESSED. And ashamed. My friend told me i would be into Zillah and she was right. I haven't recovered. I promise I'm in therapy.

Key factor that I appreciate: The fact that there was always something going on. Literally at least 3 things were happening at the same time, all the time, and it kept my lil depressed ass stimulated. Who could ask for more

4. Infamous by @infamous-if — this game makes me scared of commitment cuz I can't have Orion and Griffin😐 I might be biased because. I sing! So I was just really connected to this story immediately. Either way, one of my favs cuz the writing is saurrrr good, makes ya feel

Key factor that I appreciate — Infamous is generally well rounded, so I don't feel like it's LACKING in anything. Me gusta.

5. Mind blind by @mindblindbard — I have a problem so I'm a stereotypical Rosie fan. But anyway I personally loved this one because of the world building, even tho I'm a character-focused girlie. Plus the game is so funny for no reason

Key factor that I appreciate— I actually really like the MC in general. Which is funny to say, because they're supposed to be you, but MC's are different from game to game, and I like this one

6. Soulmates Inc by @soulmatesinc-if — idk with some games, it's just the vibe. Like the vibe is right so I'll read it (which like...it's hard for me to find games where the vibe is what drags me along. Tis really good)

Key factor I appreciate — Wyatt. omg who said that...I also love this game's take on soulmates. It's simple, but original, and I fw it

7. Nine Blood Dances by @nineblooddances-if— I'm boutta cry, how did you end up here twice without me noticing bro. Idk this one and TSTT have like, vibes that are connected by a small string, and I did play this one first if that matters.

Key factor that I enjoyed: It felt very structured, and again, clean. I really don't know what this feeling is

8. When Twilight Strikes by @evertidings — I love ALL the characters because damn near all of them pissed me off once. That's actually impressive /pos. Anyway Rylan hit my line

Key factor that I enjoyed: watching my relationship descriptions change. Some left me devastated stop... Like sorry A you're driving me nuts...

Honorable mentions:

Apartment 502 by @apt502-if — I can't wait to see the future parts cuz like I like it but I cant analyze any of the characters yet. But trust me I'm ready 📝

The Kings Hound by @the-kingshound — Same typa situation was Apartment 502... I'm waiting...patiently 📝

[ditzydoodiary]

autistic ramble about twilight sparkle because i love her sm and shes my fave autistic comfort character !!!

this took a really long time to make, and im really proud of it, so any reblogs/reshares would be appreciated ! especially if you like mlp !!

when people say she isnt autistic, i always find myself very surprised. i think to myself, have these people even watched the show??because yes, while the writers and lauren faust may not have intended for her to be explicitly autistic, she is very clearly portrayed that way, intentional or not. not to mention that lauren faust (creator of friendship is magic) has recently responded to a tweet saying that she thought pinkie pie being adhd was obvious; lauren faust has adhd herself, so its not surprising that so many of the mlp fim characters also posess many of the same traits as her. and i also raise the question; if she thought pinkie pie was obvious as having adhd, then why would twilight be any different?? she is very clearly autistic, but i dont think twilight's obvious neurodivergence has been addressed by lauren yet (unless im wrong of course, but i just haven't found anything about it when ive searched for it).

anywho, to list just a few of twilight's autistic traits:

- trouble socialising and making friends (this is literally the main plot point of the first few seasons and is even still present in the later seasons, so its not like this was just a one time thing). an example of this would be in the very first episode when twinkleshine, lemon hearts, and minuette invite her to moondancer's party; she awkwardly declines, saying that she needs to catch up on her studying instead. to this the other ponies say, "ugh, does that pony do anything except study? i think shes more interested in books than friends"

- she has a very obvious special interest in reading, books, research, and the study of pony magic. she indulges in these interests to such a level where she often loses track of time and stays awake all night, and often misses out on opportunities to socialise with her friends. when she cant indulge in them, she gets upset. this ties into finding comfort in routines, too.

- taking things literally (e.g: that part in "look before you sleep" where she takes rarity's statement about them getting warmer in regards to playing a game literally). look before you sleep is also a great episode showing her need to have everything planned out; in this episode, twilight has her first slumber party, and uses a slumber party planning book as a guide. she thinks has to follow every single instruction in the exact same order, and when rarity and applejack dont oblige, she gets upset.

- HEAVILY relies on schedules and planning. she utilises all kinds of lists; visual lists, written lists, checklists, etc. when she's unable to stick to her routines/plans, she becomes irrationally upset and/or angry, lashes out at other people and can have meltdowns. this is again shown all throughout the show, but is more prominent in the episode "lesson zero".

- LOVES organising, lining things up, and finding visual patterns in all sorts of things. she'll often just do this for fun and as a way to calm down, while others might find this more of a chore. i suppose this can be done as a form of visual stimming? I don't really know what this is called; but i know a lot of autistic people do it. i suppose this could also tie into needing routines and structure, as organising things can help autistic people feel more in control and can provide a sense of stability.

- she can often come off as insensitive or rude without meaning to, and sometimes she struggles with tone as well as being quite blunt. this is most likely due to her misunderstanding or being unable to read typical social cues. this could also perhaps be linked to low empathy, which is something a fair few individuals on the spectrum experience. this is especially true in the earlier seasons, but still shown in the later seasons as well.

- twilight also struggles with regulating her emotions and having meltdowns; this is typically the result of her needs not being properly met and her routines being changed. and when she's not having full blown meltdowns, she can at least be seen being snappy towards her friends when overwhelmed.

- stimming !!! oh boy does she stim a lot. stomping her hooves, jumping up and down, PACING (this is a big one), teleporting spontaneously when overwhelmed, flapping her wings, etc. in fact, twilight once paced so hard for so long that she made a groove in the floor without even realising !! (this was seen in the episode "its about time" - which is also a good episode that showcases her autistic traits)

- shes also sometimes shown struggling with overstimulation; in the third episode of the series, "the ticket master", twilight gets overwhelmed by her friends crowding around her and loudly shouting, resulting in her running off and snapping at them.

- shes often shown struggling with generalised anxiety, which is another common trait of autism.

and the best part is, this is obviously a common occurrence, and her friends fully support her through her struggles !!! her meltdowns, overthinking and anxiety are so frequent, that her friends know exactly what to do and how to help her.

obviously, this isn't every trait, this is just all the surface level stuff !!

i would have included more video and photo examples, but tumblr has a limit on how many you can add to a post :( i hope i still got my point across despite that !!

all in all, i think she's wonderful autistic representation !! even if this wasn't intentional, i still think it's great and love the way her personality and traits were portrayed. the main character of a children's show possessing these traits is awesome and something you don't see too often !! i hope lauren or at least someone on the production team talks about this, because it means a lot to myself and many other autistic people who love mlp <3

[ruggiezz]

soy yo de nuevo 😎😎 digamos que yo soy una persona muy apegada a su cultura y me encanta el baile y la comida tradicional de mi país: la bomba puertorriqueña y los pasteles puertorriqueños. now, it doesn't have to be puerto rican culture (puede ser de cualquier cultura de latam), that's just an example. but, how would the housewardens react to the reader's culture? maybe they see how much the latino! reader loves their culture and they ask to know more about it ((p.d. i know you don't write for some of the housewardens, so exclude those lol))

— LATINO READER THAT LOVES THEIR CULTURE : twisted wonderland

[synopsis] dormleaders with a latino! reader that loves their culture

[characters] dormleaders (except for vil)

[extra] GRACIAS TUVISTE LA MEJOR IDEA EXISTENTE, also, Venezuela, Colombia, Argentina and Peru celebrate their independence this month, so this is perfect for the occasion

★ RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS

You two had private study sessions in his room every week, where he would help you with some lessons you couldn't understand, and in return, you would buy him a slice of a strawberry dessert you found at Sam's. (He didn't really need anything in return, but he wasn't going to say no to a dessert, even if he wasn't meant to eat sweets.)

During one of the study sessions, he noticed you were in a gloomy mood and asked what was the matter.

"Today is my country's independence day, and I haven't done anything to celebrate it."

And with that, it somehow went from a study session where he was teaching you about ancient magic to a study session where you were teaching him about your country's history and how it became independent. It was very 'educational', Riddle would say. You also spoke about how they would celebrate in your country, about the festivals and parties they would hold, and most importantly, about the food. Good, now Riddle was hungry.

He offers to celebrate with you in Ramshackle; he and Trey can help you cook some national desserts if you want, and you can tell them and your friends more about your culture and how they do things where you come from. Just don't make him dance; he'll get embarrassed because he doesn't know the steps (and because Ace will make fun of him), and he is good with just watching you dance. But maybe someday you can both dance alone, together.

★ LEONA KINGSCHOLAR

"Herbivore, what pride flag is that?" He said, pointing at a pin you had of your country's flag that you had attached to your backpack.

This probably went two ways: either you almost died of laughter at his question while he looked extremely confused, or you looked at him dead in the eye with the most serious face ever. Whichever option you chose, you both ended up lying on the bed while you told him stories of your country. You told him about how people back in your world celebrated their independence every year, about the dances, the festivals, and how colorful everything was.

If you didn't know Leona well, you would have thought he was uninterested and was falling asleep, but he was listening. Everything you said was important to him; it didn't matter if it was a small thing, like the fact you found a nickel while walking to the store, or if it was a big thing, like an important achievement, he would remember it. And you talking about your culture wasn't the exception. He hummed in agreement while you talked about this one thing you did back in your country to celebrate your country's independence.

Tell him more—about the food, the celebrations, the music—it doesn't matter; he will listen. Tell him about this really popular artist who's also Latino; tell him more about this 'Chayanne' and his achievements. Even if he doesn't completely understand, he can understand the feeling of being proud of where he comes from.

★ AZUL ASHENGROTTO

Azul invited you to Mostro Lounge with the intention of getting innovative material for a new event that will attract more customers out of the kindness of his heart. He sat you down on a couch in his office and offered you a cup of tea.

"Say, prefect, could you tell me more about your country? Is there any food you particularly like? Something we can make here?"

You see, Azul was expecting this meeting to go like this: He asked. You told him about the food. He wrote it down. Everyone was happy.

What he didn't expect was sitting there two hours later and hearing you ramble about your country's food and the history of it. And he was ACTUALLY INVESTED. This wasn't part of the plan at all.

He wrote down a lot on his notepad; every detail you told him was important for him to "use in Mostro Lounge's new event", but he was just really impressed by how rich your country's culture was.

Weeks later, Azul summoned you to Mostro Lounge, surprising you with dishes you told him about. Jade brought a lot of plates with some desserts, and Floyd brought some mocktails. You were so happy, you even felt like hugging Azul, but ended up being squeezed by Floyd (affectionately), who was also happy to be able to taste new food.

The event was a success, with students praising the new dishes, and Azul decided to keep some of the popular dishes on the menu. But if your favorite one didn't make the cut, he will remember the recipe, and will make it for you from time to time, just don't tell anyone about your 'special treatment'.

"This will be our little secret, okay, prefect?"

★ KALIM AL-ASIM

Not surprisingly, Kalim got sick after taking you on a carpet ride with wet hair. Nights at Scarabia are particularly cold, and even when Jamil warned him not to forget to dry his hair when he showered at night, he ignored it that day out of excitement to see you. He just didn't have enough time to dry it, okay?

His throat ached, and he was sneezing a lot. Jamil was in a bad mood that day, and he had a lot to get done, so he left Kalim in your care on the condition that you both didn't do anything stupid.

You brought a small container to Scarabia that had ointment inside. You had it in the backpack you brought from your world; it was small enough to fit in your palm. Kalim looked in curiosity while you approached his bed and opened it to apply it to him.

"What ointment are you applying to me? It smells like mint." Kalim asked while you rubbed some of the ointment on his chest and neck.

"It's 'Vick Vaporub'; it will make you feel better; this thing can even heal a broken leg."

"FOR REAL??"

You had to explain to him what it was and how your family used it on you when you got sick. Sadly, it couldn't cure a broken leg, but it could alleviate colds. And it did work; Kalim felt better the next day, to Jamil's surprise (and relief).

Kalim ran to Ramshackle after you nursed him back to health with the help of 'Vick', asking more about how people did things back in your country. He was fascinated by your stories, and the way you described the food made him want to taste it so badly. Maybe you two could try and make the food in Scarabia's kitchen? Please teach him! If the food from your country makes you happy, then he wants to try and learn how to make it for you!

★ IDIA SHROUD

You and Idia had this routine where you both always spent the afternoon in his room, either playing videogames, doing homework, or just doing whatever in silence. But on this particular day, Idia was playing this one single-player game while you lay on his bed scrolling through your phone.

Suddenly, an idea popped into your mind. A few months ago, Idia repaired your old phone as a birthday gift, and you had a few episodes of this particular show saved on your phone. You started watching, but you had forgotten your earphones back in Ramshackle, so Idia could hear it too.

"What are you watching? It's so loud..."

"I'm watching 'Caso Cerrado'/'Caso Encerrado'. It's the English dub."

"Why is everyone yelling..? What even is that?"

You explained to Idia how it was this show where a lawyer called Ana María Polo sat in a court and heard cases, where she ended up dictating whether they were guilty or not. Idia disregarded it as a 'normie show' and continued what he was doing, but he ended up hearing the whole episode while playing. It was actually very entertaining to hear while playing.

"Wait, SHE'S PREGNANT with her boyfriend's father? WTF???"

He ended up binge-listening to the whole season while playing. Did your world always make such interesting shows? Tell him more.

Even if history was never his favorite subject, you talking about it was just like listening to a podcast—a very interesting one at least. Your routine now is to go to his room and play some video games while you talk about your country, and Idia occasionally makes a comment. And then repeat it daily.

If you couldn't come to Ignihyde, then you both could have a call, and you could talk while Idia played. Wasn't that a good relationship dynamic? You talked while Idia listened. And you were always so excited to talk to him about you where you and where you came from that he just couldn't help himself but smile (just a little) while hearing you.

★ MALLEUS DRACONIA

"This is for you, Malleus." You said as you pulled one of those blankets you used in the winter. You had found one extremely similar to the ones in your world, and you had bought two. Lately, the weather in Twisted Wonderland has been extremely cold, and Diasomnia wasn't any different.

"Thank you, Child of Man; I will treasure it."

The blanket in question:

AND HE DID TREASURE IT, using it as a blanket on his bed for a week and washing it afterwards to continue using it. It was a gift from his partner after all, much to Sebek's dismay. Silver said it looked really comfy, and he wanted one now too, while Lilia just found it amusing how attached Malleus was to a blanket.

The next day after, you gifted it to him, he appeared on your doorstep with the blanket on his hands, asking to sleep over in Ramshackle with both of your blankets. You told him more about your country and the customs over a cup of hot tea, and he listened attentively to every single thing you said. There was a dessert you liked from your country that you couldn't recreate yourself? Don't worry; he will make sure his private chef back in Briar Valley makes it for you. There's this traditional clothing from your country you want? His tailor will get it done; you don't even have to move a finger, just say the word, and he will have it done.

Hearing you talk about how proud you were of your heritage made him giddy inside over the fact that he had such a passionate partner. Tell him more; he's so invested, especially in the history. The history is the best part.

"I only have one question, child of man. Who is this 'Shakira' you talk so highly about?"

[weirdkpopgirl]

My Last | Jaemin Fic #3

Title: My Last

Genre: College AU

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, self-harm, family problems. please do not read if those topics make you uncomfortable

Word Count: ~16k

Author's Note: Here is the part two/sequel to my Renjun story (My First). I literally started writing this a few years ago and didn't finish until now. Honestly, I wanted to give up on this story because I don't like it very much. But I thought I should for those who read the first story. I still hope you guys like it ^ ^

If you haven't read the first part of this story you can read it here

𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡𓆪

Kim (Y/n) thought leaving it all behind would make her happier. But the past two years showed her that running away from her problems couldn't change anything. She and her father moved to his hometown, Busan. She found herself in a different city, a different neighborhood, a different house, and a different high school, marking a fresh new start for her. Maybe she was too optimistic at the beginning.

The students at her new school quickly singled her out as the pathetic transfer girl with divorced parents. No one made an effort to talk to her. But she wasn't too fazed by it. After what had happened at her previous school, she wasn’t willing to get close to anyone again.

Time passed, and she focused on her studies as she had always done. The household was less chaotic with just her dad and herself. They were both quiet people who barely talked to each other, and she wasn't bothered much by that either.

Deciding before she graduated wasn't as stressful as it could've been. After passing the CSAT exam, a few acceptance letters rolled in. She was only able to get one scholarship from a college in Seoul, covering most of her tuition and dorm living expenses.

In the next few months, she was back to where she had started.

Things would be different this time, she told herself. Returning to her hometown didn't mean she was going to encounter anyone from her past, at least if she tried hard enough. But she was wrong.

Her mom, the woman she had hoped to never see again, reappeared in her life. She didn't seem to have changed since the last time they had seen each other. Perhaps driven by a lingering sense of guilt, she found herself compelled to check on her mother's well-being. Yet, she sometimes felt like she was reliving her childhood again. Except this time she was the parent, and her mother was the child.

Her mother's moods were unpredictable, fluctuating between highs and lows. Despite enduring numerous instances of being screamed at, (Y/n) recognized the importance of not being selfish. Ultimately, she was her mom, and (Y/n) was her only daughter. In the end, she was all her mother had.

In addition to her college commitments, she took on a part-time job to earn some money. She picked up a barista position, where she worked throughout the week. Oftentimes she left shifts with the scent of coffee clinging to her hair.

"Hey, you know that customer over there?" Her coworker pointed something out to her one day.

Hesitantly, she looked in the direction her coworker was gesturing to. A boy who looked about her age was sitting at the table near the front window, with another guy across from him. He had short, light brown hair with bangs that made him appear younger. She couldn't deny that he was attractive.

"What about him?" She asked, glancing back down at what she was doing before.

Her coworker nudged her elbow. "I think he might be interested in you. He only comes on the days you're working here."

Out of curiosity, she looked back up to see the slight surprise in his expression when she did, but it was immediately replaced with a smile.

"He's pretty good-looking too!" Her coworker gushed. "What if he asks you out?"

She laughed and rolled her eyes. There was no chance she was going to let herself be charmed by a stranger who she had only seen a handful of times. Besides, she couldn't fathom that a guy would like her.

Despite how her coworker faltered at her lack of interest, she shook her head and didn't bother to look at him again.

"Yeah, like that would ever happen."

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She worked at his favorite coffee place on the weekends. But the café wasn't the only place he had seen her. She didn't seem to notice that they attended the same college. Her name was Kim (Y/n), a first-year student at Myung-guk University. They were both freshmen, so he had seen her in a few of his general education classes.

Jaemin didn't know when exactly he caught feelings. All of a sudden, he just found himself paying more attention to her. With the few chances he got to see her, he used them to take in her features. She had long, chestnut brown hair with bangs that brushed over her forehead. Her eyes were a few shades darker than her hair. She didn't wear any makeup, as the majority of her face was covered by the round, silver-rimmed glasses she wore. She always dressed so neatly, making her overall look fairly minimalistic.

Something about (Y/n) was different from what he was used to seeing. Unlike the other girls who swooned over him every time he passed by, she didn't even bat an eye. In class, she rarely spoke to anyone and always kept to herself in a reserved manner. She seemed disinterested in what everyone else was doing.

At the coffee shop, she was mostly the same. But she was kind to the customers and efficient in her work. Part of him was glad she was always so focused. She had yet to catch him admiring her from afar.

“Why don't you just ask her out already?” Jeno lightly elbowed him.

He was nice as a best friend and roommate. But he didn't know a thing when it came to romance.

Shaking his head, he took another sip of his black coffee. “Not yet, Jeno. It's too soon.”

When he turned to see her again, she was looking at him. He thought it was the first time she had properly noticed him. Trying not to stress too much, he sent her a smile. But instead of smiling back, she shook her head and walked to the back room.

However, he refused to let this one interaction discourage him. He had this gut feeling that told him she was the one for him.. It didn't matter if he had to wait. Good things came slowly, so one could treasure them more.

(Y/n) was like this puzzle, waiting to be put together by the right person. And Jaemin was confident that person was going to be him.

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Since that day, she became more aware of the attractive customer. Once she got a better look, she recognized him from somewhere.

She was pretty sure his name was Na Jaemin. She hadn't realized that they were in the same grade. As if things couldn't become any more peculiar, he was also in a few of her classes. She guessed she had been too focused on staying in her bubble to notice.

Jaemin was talked about quite a bit on campus. Of course, for all the reasons that didn't surprise her. He was charming, the girls couldn't seem to stop whispering about him, and all the guys wanted to be his friend. Other than that, she didn't know much about him, nor did she have the desire to.

From her impression, he was probably just one of those guys who dated too many girls and had a big ego. Maybe she was judging too quickly. Regardless, she decided she wanted nothing to do with Jaemin. He could stare at her all he wanted to at work. But he wasn't going to get a reaction from her. At least, that was what she had told herself.

"One iced americano!"

Her head was down in an attempt to avoid eye contact when she called his order. She heard the chair being pushed back and his footsteps coming closer to the counter.

"Ah, perfect every time," He sighed after taking a sip. His voice was a lot deeper than she had expected. Gesturing the drink to her, he smiled. "Thank you!"

Barely looking at him, she nodded and was relieved when he didn't say anything else. She thought that would be the end of what was barely a conversation. But then in the following week, he came again at his usual time, which was before noon. Rather than taking his drink and thanking her as usual, he stuck around a little longer.

"You're Kim (Y/n), right? I've seen you a few times at university."

Trying to get out of the conversation as soon as possible, she looked up at him and nodded. "Was there something else you needed?"

"Well, not exactly," He gave her that same smile from the last time. "I just wanted to ask if you're perhaps free after you get off of work?"

"Sorry, I have something to do today," She lied, immediately turning him down.

"Oh," His tone deflated. "That's fine, I understand. Another day, maybe?"

She sighed. Why was this guy so persistent?

"Excuse me, but you are a stranger to me, and I think we should keep it that way."

"So…you're saying no?"

"No," She said without thinking and quickly facepalmed. "I mean yes!"

Jaemin laughed, "I see you're a bit confused. I'll just ask next time."

"Wait, don't-" She started to say. But to her dismay, he had already left with his coffee.

She tried not to panic over what happened. Maybe he'd forget about it all when he came by again. But who was she kidding; he probably wouldn't.

A few days later, she was quickly packing up to leave class. Jaemin was there, which made her more nervous than anything. Luckily, he didn't seem to pay any attention to her during the lecture.

But when she went to grab her phone, she noticed a small blue sticky note that wasn't there before.

It would be nice to get to know each other, right? (˶ᵔᵕᵔ˶)

She was glad he wasn't there to see her cheeks turn pink when she saw his phone number attached. Why was he doing this? Was he targeting her as his next girl to play with?

She didn't know, and she didn't want to know the answer. Crumpling the paper in her hand, she threw it into her bag and spent the rest of the day trying to shove what happened out of her head.

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Even though she had refused him once already, Jaemin wasn't going to give up. He knew that pursuing (Y/n) wouldn't be easy, but the challenging aspect made things fun. She could put up as many obstacles as she wanted, and he was fully prepared to jump over one after the other.

It was so cute to see her get flustered when he talked to her. She may not think much of him right now, which further motivated him to prove to her that he had good intentions.

Jaemin saw her in the cafeteria one day, sitting alone at the table near the big windows. This was the perfect opportunity, he thought to himself. Without any hesitation, he quickly ordered his lunch and went to stand by the seat across from her.

"It's okay if I sit here, right?"

(Y/n) looked at him as if he was some newly discovered alien. Her eyes scattered around the other people around them who gave looks and made unnecessary whispers. He was used to ignoring them as much as possible.

Don't get him wrong, he thought it was nice that so many people at college admired him, especially since he was just a freshman. But he couldn't help but get slightly annoyed when people tried to hang out with him and acted all fake.

Before she could answer, Jaemin already set his lunch tray on the table. Once he sat down, he smiled at her.

"You and I must think alike," he gestured to their choices of meals for today, which was fish cake soup with udon noodles.

Her fingers tightened around her chopsticks. "Jaemin, why do you keep doing this to me?"

"What do you mean?" He asked and picked up his own utensils to eat.

"I'm not sure what your intentions are," she cleared her voice, "But I can assure you won't get far with a nobody like me."

He would've thought she was joking if it weren't for the bitterness in her tone.

"A nobody? Is that what you see yourself as?"

She nearly choked on her food when he asked her that. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, unsure of how to respond. Thankfully, she wasn't forced to answer when someone interrupted.

“Jaemin, finally I found you!” It was a boy with dark-brown hair and facial features that reminded her of a puppy.

Now that she thought about it, she had seen him on a few of Jaemin's visits to the cafe. She didn't know that he attended this college too.

The guy came over to sit in the empty seat beside Jaemin. So much for having a quiet lunch. The boy looked at her with a sense of familiarity.

"Oh! You're the girl from the coffee shop, right?"

Suddenly forgetting how to speak, she merely nodded. The friendliness in his eyes didn't disappear. "I'm Lee Jeno, an architecture major. I'm also Jaemin’s friend."

"What are you doing here?" Jaemin asked.

"I just got out of a class and wanted to find you. But it seems you're busy."

The light-haired boy turned back to her with an adoring smile. "Well, I’m having lunch with (Y/n). Jeno, isn't it funny that we got the same meal? We already have so much in common!"

Jeno smiled apologetically, patting his friend on the shoulder. "Ah, Jaeminie is a bit weird. Please understand, (Y/n)."

A smile crept onto her lips when his own friend said this. She wondered if Jaemin was going to retort with something back, but his attention was on her.

"Oh, she smiled!"

Instinctively, she clamped her hand over her mouth. "N-no, I didn't."

"Ah, cute. Isn't she cute, Jeno?"

His comments didn't do anything to help the heat that had risen to her cheeks. Jeno shook his head at Jaemin and pushed his chair back.

"Well, I should go to my next class. I'll see you at home later."

He waved to her after getting up from the chair. "It was nice meeting you, (Y/n)!"

She waved back, as it was the polite thing to do. Her panic mode was restored now that his friend was gone. Jaemin looked at her with a concerned expression.

"Are you feeling alright? You've barely touched your food."

She glanced down at her lunch tray. The steaming bowl of noodles was staring up at her. Eating had disappeared from her brain momentarily after Jaemin arrived.

"I'm fine. Just not as hungry as I thought I was," she muttered, placing her utensils down on the table.

That didn't seem to convince Jaemin, but he didn't say anything about it. He folded his arms and leaned forward. "Right, what were we talking about before?"

Dang it. She was hoping he had forgotten their previous conversation, though the chances were unlikely.

"I understand why you might be skeptical about me," his voice deepened. She wondered if he always did that when he wanted to be serious. "But I'm going to do what it takes to prove you otherwise, (Y/n). Just watch!"

No one had approached her the way Jaemin was. It didn't make her any less suspicious of him. Whatever he was going to do or planning to do, she couldn't let him get to her. Over the past two years, she had become more strong-minded. She wasn't going to let anyone easily in again. Following that, Jaemin could try to get through to her. But he would fail.

Because she wasn't going to let it happen.

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Jeno and he had been gaming late into the evening. Close to eight, Jaemin decided to take a stroll to the cafe where (Y/n) worked, thinking of grabbing some coffee. The quiet streets under the night sky provided a calm atmosphere.

Upon arriving at the cafe, he spotted her through the window, wearing her cafe uniform. A small smile formed on his lips, but it quickly faded as he heard a commotion inside. The sound of an escalating argument caught his attention.

Inside, a man stood at the counter where (Y/n) was working. There was a tense exchange, and the man seemed insistent on something. Jeno's protective instincts kicked in as he noticed (Y/n) trying to reject his advances.

"I told you, I'm not interested," she said firmly, attempting to maintain her composure.

"Come on, why not give me a chance?" the man persisted, a hint of aggression in his tone.

She bit her lip in frustration, but tried to maintain her professionalism. "I appreciate the offer, but I'm not looking for anything right now."

The man's demeanor turned hostile, and he reached out to grab her hand. Jaemin, sensing trouble, swiftly stepped in.

"She said she's not interested. Respect that," he stated firmly, casting a disapproving glance at the persistent man.

Startled, the man recoiled, shooting a defiant look at Jaemin. Ignoring the confrontation, Jaemin focused on (Y/n), offering her a reassuring smile. Bewilderment clouded her expression.

"Yah, who do you think you are to involve yourself?" The man scoffed.

"I don’t want any trouble," he said in a low tone. "But you should back off, if she said no already."

The guy scowled, and before he could react properly, he punched him. "I swear, kids these days think they're all that."

Lifting his hand to where he hit him, he was grabbed by the collar of his hoodie. As much as he loathed the guy, he didn't want to fight back because he was older. Thankfully, (Y/n) had come in between them before he could hit him again.

"Stop or I'll call the police!" She warned, holding up a phone in her hand. "You'll be charged for harassment and assault."

In response, he snarled but let go of him. At least he wasn't an idiot to see she was serious.

He pointed at her and him as he made his way to leave. "Consider both of you lucky today."

They both watched as he left grumbling. He was expecting to hear a sigh of relief. But instead, she didn't appear to look any less frightened.

"Oh no, you're bleeding." Her eyes widened with apprehension. She reached her hand but dropped it after a brief hesitation. She headed back behind the cash register.

"Wait outside. Let me find the first-aid kit."

Jaemin couldn’t suppress the smile that crept on his face. But he thought it was best to listen this time. 

The anxiousness in her eyes didn't disappear as she sat in the chair across from him. She still somehow managed to keep her hand steady as she tended to where he was injured. Other than his mother, no girl had ever looked so concerned for him. He tried to maintain some seriousness, rather than thinking about how cute (Y/n) was.

Once she cleaned the blood off, she raised a cotton swab dipped in ointment to his lips. He hesitated, not because he didn't trust her. He guessed he was a little nervous for some reason. But before she could take her hand away, he leaned forward. She winced with him as she dabbed the medicine on his bottom lip.

"I'm sorry,” she apologized.

"It doesn't hurt that much," he said. 

But she shook her head. "Not just that. You got hurt because of me."

"Anyone would've done the same if they were in my place."

"I'm not so sure about that," she disagreed, putting the cotton swab down. "But, thank you."

This was a different side of (Y/n) that he was seeing. But it wasn't anything that he hadn't expected. Even though she pretended not to, she secretly cared. 

"Does this mean you’ll go on a date with me now?" he half-joked, pointing to his busted lip. "To pay me back for this?"

“What—No!” He had to admit, seeing the change in her expression was quite amusing. 

She pointed toward the free coffee she made him. “Is this not enough?”

He sighed and tilted his head slightly. “Can we be friends at least?”

She didn't say anything but looked like she wasn't going to fight him on this.

“I'll take your silence as a yes.” His phone then buzzed in his pocket.

Oh, shi— he forgot about Jeno. "Ugh, I have to go back home." He stood up, grabbing the cup of coffee she made him.

But he didn't forget to wave at his friend. "See you tomorrow, (Y/n)!"

Smiling to himself, he pretended not to see the startled expression when he called her informally. She then smiled and shook her head again.

One point scored for Na Jaemin!

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That evening back in her dorm, (Y/n)’s head dropped to the desk in frustration. She couldn’t stop thinking about what happened the other night. 

She didn’t want Jaemin to see her as easy now. Then again, he did save her from that customer. She wanted to say he shouldn’t have stepped in. But truthfully, she didn’t know how worse the situation would have gotten if he didn’t come in when he did. She had been so afraid of the situation that her whole body was shaking when she threatened to call the police. But she wished she had acted faster before he got hit.

She hadn’t realized how serious Jaemin was about them now being “friends” until the next time she saw him. He’d wave to her when he saw her come into class and continued to eat lunch with her if she was in the cafeteria. He didn’t stop coming to the coffee shop, and started doing his homework there. 

In the beginning, she was quite reluctant. Her social awkwardness had gotten worse, and she wasn’t sure how long he would last being around someone like her. What she didn’t expect was Jaemin not being great at keeping conversations either. While he did start most of them, it seemed that sometimes he’d lose his thoughts and pause. That was when the silence filled in the gap he left.

But he kept persisting, and she had a feeling Jaemin wouldn’t get off her case anytime soon. Her heart was screaming at her, because it was clear that he was putting more effort into their “friendship” than she was. On the other hand, she barely said anything.

Due to her guilty conscience, she eventually stopped using one-word answers when he asked her something. On occasion, she would ask a question back. Slowly, she started to relax when she was around him. But those casual conversations were all Jaemin would get from her. There was an invisible line she had drawn between them, that she had to make sure he wouldn’t cross.

She started to like the days when he came to the café the most. He’d come in and instantly look for her behind the counter. She didn’t understand how someone could consistently be enthusiastic when they came to the same place nearly every day.

He ordered the same thing every time. So much so that it was practically ingrained in her memory. It was always a venti iced-americano, with no water but only ice. In addition, she’d add four extra shots of espresso. She refrained from questioning his order. But she wasn’t sure how anyone could drink so much coffee. However, that did explain how he had so much energy all the time.

Jaemin would come in the morning to purchase his daily drink. Strangely enough, he’d sometimes come back in the evenings when things were slow. He said it was because he thought she might be lonely. Oftentimes, he’d wait for her shift to be over and walk her home. She had resisted at first, but Jaemin had good persuasion skills.

On one of their walks, Jaemin casually asked a question that nearly made her freeze in place.

“Have you ever dated anyone?” His tone was casual. But she could tell he wasn’t trying to flirt with her.

“No,” she replied. In hopes of subtly changing the subject of this conversation, she turned the question to him. “Have you?”

He hesitated briefly before nodding, “Once, a few years ago.”

For some reason, she had expected him to have been in many relationships. With a face like his, she wouldn’t be surprised. She guessed she had judged him too harshly.

“Do you mind me asking what happened?”

She wasn’t sure what brought her to ask. She felt like a similar memory was replaying in the back of her head.

“I was in high school, and I had a crush on this girl in my class,” He started to explain. “It was easy at first. One day I confessed to her and we started dating.”

Jaemin made it all sound so easy. But when the frown on his face didn’t leave, she suspected things were more complicated. She didn’t say anything and let him continue.

“I remember trying really hard to make her happy. She always wanted me to buy her stuff and hung out with a lot of guys. Eventually, I started to feel like she was just using me. So I broke up with her.”

A short silence followed his last sentence. Even though she was afraid the conversation would go in the same direction it did with…

She still asked, “How do you feel now? Do you still think about her?”

“Honestly, I haven’t thought about her once until you asked.”

“Why?” Her eyebrows raised.

He chuckled, “Because I have no regrets. No one should feel insecure in a relationship. That’s why I chose to end things.”

She didn’t expect him to say that. A part of her didn’t want to believe him. But he didn’t appear to be lying. She wasn’t fazed when he told her all this. However, on that day, she felt slightly more daring. She thought it was only fair that she shared a little bit.

“There was a boy I had feelings for back in high school. He was my first love, I guess,” she said, the words escaping slowly. “I really liked him. But it…didn’t work out.”

She didn’t want to get into the details of her pathetic story. Even though two years passed, she could recall his exact words and how he delivered them. They still stung. Just thinking about it again nearly caused her to forget Jaemin was next to her.

“First loves are usually like that,” he expressed sympathy. “I’m sorry that happened.”

You forced a smile, swiftling pushing aside the resurfaced emotions. “It’s not a big deal. I…I’m sorry too—about your past girlfriend.”

“It happened so long ago, and I was just a dumb teenager,” Jaemin admitted, lowering his head.

A few seconds of silence passed between them. In an attempt to dispel the awkward atmosphere, she gently nudged him. “I guess we both have bad luck with love, huh?”

She wished his next works didn’t make her heart flutter.

“I have a feeling that our luck is changing. For both of us.”

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It was difficult for Jaemin to suppress a small sense of satisfaction as she waved to him before entering her apartment building. Following today's events, it felt like (Y/n) had taken a step closer to him—some might argue it was barely a foot. But for Jaemin, that was more than enough.

Upon returning to his home, the lights were on in the empty living room, indicating that Jeno had left them on for him. After slipping off his shoes, Jaemin sought out his roommate in the bedroom, where he found him engrossed in playing a video game on his computer.

Besides Jeno, Jaemin didn't have many friends, but he knew Jeno was someone who would always have his back. It was Jeno who had suggested they move into an apartment before college, considering they haven’t been apart since middle school. Jaemin never worried about their friendship drifting apart. But his assurance grew when they discovered they got accepted into the same college.

“Hey, you’re back?” Jeno took off his headphones as Jaemin entered.

Nodding, Jaemin flopped onto his friend’s bed. A foolish grin spread across his face as he rested his head on the pillow.

“You seem happy,” Jeno remarked, throwing his head back. “Did you meet with (Y/n) again?”

Simply the mention of her name alone brightened Jaemin's mood. "Jeno, do you know what it feels like to be in love?"

"In love? I thought you just liked her," Jeno leaned forward, raising his water bottle to his lips. Jaemin pressed his hand to his chest and sighed.

"I do. But there's this different level of liking when it comes to her. My heart can't stop beating!"

Jeno nearly choked on his water. "Don't tell me you've said all of that to her."

"Of course not," Jaemin said, defensively. "Do you think I'm that much of an idiot?"

"Just wanted to make sure," Jeno shrugged.

Feeling energized, Jaemin pulled out his phone to text her. However, he was pleasantly surprised to find an unread message from her. Kicking his feet up in the air, he beamed and showed Jeno what she sent.

"You see this, Jeno? She finally texted me first!"

"I guess that's some improvement." Jeno's reaction was lackluster, but Jaemin pretended to ignore it.

Placing a hand on his chest, Jaemin sighed, "Oh (Y/n), why are you doing this to me?"

Jeno shook his head and turned his chair back around to the computer. "Yeah. You're in love with her, that's for sure."

════════

Coming out of his photography class the next day, Jaemin spotted (Y/n) near one of the windows in the hall. Realizing she was on the phone, he decided to wait until she was done.

"I know. You don't need to worry, Halmeoni," she spoke lightly. "I'll pick up her medication after class."

That was the end of the conversation he overheard before she dropped her hand holding the phone, squeezing it tightly. While he knew her personal matters were none of his business, he couldn't help but worry about her. From the brief glimpse he had, she seemed unhappy.

After waiting for about five minutes, he approached her. "(Y/n), I almost didn't see you there!"

She turned to him, the frustration replaced by a small smile. Whether she was genuinely pleased to see him or merely pretending to be fine was uncertain.

"Oh, hi Jaemin. Did you just come out of class?" she asked.

He nodded. "What about you?"

She glanced back at her phone to check the time. "My morning class is over, but I have one more in an hour."

"Ah, I see. Do you want to get lunch with me then?" he proposed, gesturing towards the cafeteria.

"It's okay. I'm not that hungry," she mumbled, absently adjusting the strap on her bag.

Crossing his arms, he leaned down to meet her at eye level. "You're lying. I know you don't eat breakfast, so you have to be hungry!"

"Jaemin—" she blushed and couldn't finish her sentence.

"It'll be my treat since you helped me with my photography assignment last week," he added before she could fully deny him.

This time, he didn't wait for her answer and took her hand to lead them out of the hallway. "Jaemin, people are going to see us and start assuming things!" she stammered.

Rolling his eyes, he continued to walk with her. "If you're worried, we can go out then."

She didn't make any more attempts to stop him. When he looked at her, his heart softened. He wanted to ask if she was okay, but for now, he focused on taking care of her physical health. From the few months they'd known each other, he quickly learned that (Y/n) was someone who neglected herself. Though he might have lectured her once when she said she didn't want to be a burden, he could tell she appreciated his efforts and stopped fighting back.

Jaemin’s goal shifted. He realized that making Kim (Y/n) happy was more of a priority than pursuing her.

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Her phone was flung recklessly onto the bed at the peak of her outrage. The barrage of text messages from her mom made her feel as though someone was drilling a screw in her head. With shaking fists, she glanced over to her desk, where the top drawer held a razor blade in one of the journals. The urge was tempting, yet she resisted, not wanting to give herself another reason to hate on this particular day.

Exhaling, she sat at the edge of the bed, letting her hands grip the frame. Thoughts of whether moving back to Seoul had been a mistake haunted her. But Busan hadn't been any better for her either. Why did she keep contradicting herself like this?

After a few minutes of drowning in her bothersome thoughts, her phone buzzed again. She groaned and reached to grab the device, sitting up straighter when she recognized the caller ID wasn’t her mother.

“Hello?” she answered the phone. Strangely, hearing his voice allowed some of her torment to disappear.

“Did you get home safely?”

She nodded, momentarily forgetting that they were on a voice call. “I did. You?”

“Yeah, Jeno and I went back together.”

“Oh, I see. Is that all you called me for?”

“Why? Am I not allowed to make sure my friend is safe and sound at her dorm?”

“If that’s all, I’m going to hang up now. I have to finish my homework,” she laughed.

Jaeemin sighed, “Alright. Make sure to get some rest before it’s too late.”

“I will. Thank you.”

“Dream of me when you sleep!” He sang.

She blushed and quickly tapped the “end call” button. With a bit of effort, she forced herself to go to her desk and open her laptop. She wasn't lying earlier, there was a research project she had to work on.

How could he say those things so casually? It was almost as if they were dating—No, she had to stop thinking like that. She had come to learn that Jaemin just had a flirty personality. But it was hard for her to fathom how someone could be like that so effortlessly. Certainly, she didn’t possess the boldness or courage he did.

Other than that, she was surprised to discover how much Jaemin and she had in common. She thought the only reason he acted energetically when they were out was because of all the coffee he drank. But, other than that, he was a pretty mellow guy.

Regardless, Jaemin was charismatic and kind to everyone. Yet, she felt like he put up his lively facade for the public. When it was just the two of them, Jaemin was a lot calmer. Sometimes they'd walk to one of their homes in silence, the only sound being music played from their earbuds.

Unintentionally, Na Jaemin had become the person to distract her from reality. It felt like Renjun all over again. That was why she had to consistently remind herself not to get too close to the boy. She couldn’t let things get that far.

════════

On a Sunday after work, she returned to the apartment. Whenever she was at home, her mom mostly stayed in her bedroom, often on her computer or in bed. Before she moved back to the city, her mom ate a lot of delivery food. She tried cooking meals for her, but they always remained untouched in the refrigerator.

Regardless, she tried not to give up. After putting away her things, she walked down the hall and cautiously opened the door to her mom’s room. None of the lights were on.

“Eomma, I brought you some seolleongtang from the restaurant you like,” (Y/n) said hesitantly. Most of the blankets covered her body, but she could make out her messy black hair.

When she didn’t respond, she sighed and took a step closer to the door. She didn’t intend to stay long anyway. “I left the soup on your kitchen counter for you. You should eat before it gets cold.”

“Stop pretending to care,” her mom mumbled into her pillow. “You don’t love me.”

That sentence tugged at her heart. Would she be doing all this if she didn’t love her?

Her fingernails started to dig into the skin of her palms. “Eomma, you know that’s not true.”

“You can’t even say it!” her mom cried out. “You’ve always been so cold to me. You must want your mother to die.”

Clenching her fists, she retorted without thinking. “Of course I still love you!”

Instantly, her eyes enlarged at the sudden volume increase in her voice. She almost never raised her voice at anyone, especially her parents. But her mom had pushed too many buttons that day. She took a step back before she could make anything worse.

“I never stopped,” she glowered at her mom, who refused to look at her.

In the next second, she turned to leave again. Her feet didn’t stop because she knew her mom wouldn’t go after her. It had started to rain by the time she got outside. Yet she still walked around getting drenched like a crazy person. The tears streaming down her face mixed with the rain drops.

A heavy sigh escaped her. At least the clouds didn’t have to hide their misery.

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By the time Jaemin arrived at the classroom, the lecture was just about to start. Slightly disappointed, he made his way to sit in the row of desks behind (Y/n). His lips formed a pout because now he had to wait until after class to talk to her.

He never paid much attention to what the teacher was saying when (Y/n) was there. Occasionally, he’d get scolded by her for doing so. Yet she’d still offer to share her notes with him. When she did this the first time, Jaemin realized (Y/n) only acted cold so people wouldn’t approach her. She might be able to fool everyone else, but Jaemin knew she was a warm-hearted person.

During these times, (Y/n) usually pretended not to notice his eyes that naturally drifted her way throughout the class. But something seemed different about her today. The left hand she used to write was most often seen quickly scribbling down key points from the lesson. Her wrist was barely moving, and her head was kept down.

Once class ended, Jaemin tapped the girl on her shoulder. Jolting up, she turned around to face him.

“Oh, is class over already?”

He stared at her with wide eyes. “Uh, you look really pale.”

“What?” she asked, a little nasally.

His level of worry quickly increased when he reached over to feel her forehead. “You have a fever too. Why did you come if you’re sick?”

She weakly pushed his hand away and slurred her words, saying something about not wanting to miss class.

He exhaled and grabbed her hand. “Okay. We need to get you out of here.”

Surprisingly, she didn’t put up much of an argument. I guess she didn’t have any energy to do so. She could barely keep her head up when they got on the bus. Wanting her to be more comfortable, Jaemin guided her head to rest on his shoulder.

Honestly, he had never seen (Y/n) so out of it. He wondered what she did to get so sick like this. Glancing back down at her sleeping figure, he felt a bunch of different emotions.

“What are you doing to me, Kim (Y/n)?” he whispered, knowing she couldn’t hear him.

════════

Slowly, (Y/n) turned her head and let her eyelids flutter open on their own. Her reaction was late, but she was slightly alarmed when she found herself in an unfamiliar place. Her hands pressed down into a dark blue bedspread.

She glanced around, finding herself in a room with a large desk near the door that had a white computer. Where was she?

She blinked a few times, trying to recall what happened and how she got here. Just as she vaguely remembered Jaemin taking her out of class, the door creaked open. She sat up and instantly regretted it. The headache she had from this morning was still present.

“Oh, hi (Y/n).” Jeno came into the room. “Are you feeling any better?”

“Jeno? Why am I…”

The boy allowed himself to fully come into the room. “Jaemin brought you here after your class. You were out for about an hour.”

“Oh gosh. I didn’t mean to intrude like this.” This is what she got for walking home in the rain. Where was her sense?

Jeno waved his hand, brushing off her words. “Not at all. Jaemin was worried when he noticed you had a fever.”

“He was? Where is he?”

“He’s been in the kitchen. Should be coming back soon though.”

Just as he said that, her eyes darted to the door that reopened.

“Oh, you’re awake!” The boy with light brown hair exclaimed.

He was carrying a small wooden tray in his hands. With a tight-lipped smile, Jeno put a hand on his shoulder before passing him. Jaemin didn’t say anything, only giving an odd look to his friend who left the room.

However, the slightly confused expression instantly changed to a brighter one when he turned to her. Carefully, he walked over with the tray and sat beside her feet.

“Samgyetang,” He said, picking up the spoon next to the steaming blue bowl. “Eating will make you feel better.”

“Did you make it?” She asked, leaning forward to see the bowl. 

He nodded and filled the spoon with some of the broth. “I’m going to feed you because I know you won’t eat it yourself.”

How did he know she’d do that? Either way, she didn’t have any energy to protest. Hesitantly, she accepted the spoonful of food. She was surprised, to say the least.

“I didn’t know you could cook.”

“Is it good?” He asked.

She nodded in response. Jaemin lowered his head as he dipped the spoon in the bowl again. “My mom taught me.”

“Oh,” She said, “I can feed myself, Jaemin.”

After some hesitation, he relented and handed her the spoon. “I’m going to stay and make sure you finish at least half of that soup.”

“Yes, mom,” She conceded. Jaemin chuckled as she bit into a piece of chicken.

“Thank you for going out of your way to—do all this,” She said later. He put the bowl and tray aside on his desk.

“How is your headache?”

“Not as bad. Are you going to scold me again?”

“No. But do you mind me asking how you got sick?” A familiar sense of fear came her way.

“I just got caught in the rain walking home the other day.”

Okay, she wasn’t completely lying. But she wasn’t telling the full truth either. Thankfully, Jaemin seemed to believe her.

“I see. You should get some more rest,” he said.

She gave him a quizzical look. “You’re not going to let me leave, are you?”

“That’s right!”

“But this is your bed,” She frowned.

The boy shrugged, “I can just crash in Jeno’s room.”

He motioned for her to lay back down. Reluctantly, she listened to him. Not that she’d admit out loud that she wanted to. The pain eased slightly when her head hit the pillow.

“Better?”

“Better.”

He didn’t say anything more after that. They sort of just remained in their positions silently. She pretended to not notice Jaemin staring at her. Or how his fingertips were tracing lightly over her bangs that were damp with sweat.

She tried to ignore the fluttery emotions that swirled around her heart. In the past when she got sick, she just dealt with it alone. She didn’t want to be more of a burden to the people around her.

This was certainly different from the time when Renjun got sick and couldn’t come to school. Back then, the roles were reversed, and she was doing the things Jaemin had done for her.

Her head was hurting, but she still had most of her sanity. Unlike the last time, she would make sure her memories didn’t repeat. She should’ve been more ashamed that she let this happen in the first place.

But with Jaemin, it felt nice, him taking care of her. Yet another side of him that she hadn’t expected. 

Her perspective on Jaemin kept shifting. And she wasn’t sure what she thought about it.

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As summer came to an end, fall gradually took its place. Which meant that the college autumn festival was approaching. Numerous clubs and activities had been diligently preparing for the event over the past few weeks. While most of Jaemin's classmates expected him to attend, he felt a bit reluctant due to the unnecessary attention and the prospect of encountering girls eager to approach him.

Yet, the idea of going to the festival became much more appealing if (Y/n) was also planning to attend. Day by day, Jaemin found himself falling a bit more for her. A few months back, he had taken care of her when she had a headache, a simple act of kindness that he would have extended to any friend.

A couple of days later, when he went to get his daily coffee, (Y/n) surprised him with free macarons, expressing her gratitude for his care. It was a small but meaningful gesture, signaling that (Y/n) was gradually warming up to him.

On the day of the festival, Jaemin decided to meet (Y/n) after their last classes and suggested going together. Spotting her waiting near the main entrance, he waved, and she smiled shyly in response. Energized by the sight of her, he skipped over.

“(Y/n)—” he began before being interrupted by a girl approaching them. Glancing at the newcomer, Jaemin recognized her as a classmate from his photography class.

“Jaemin? I’m in your photography class.”

“Ah, hello,” he politely bowed his head. “Is there something you need?”

The girl beamed at him, twirling a lock of her hair. “I just wanted to see if you’re going to the college festival tonight. Would you like to go with me?”

“I’m sorry I—” Jaemin started to decline, but his eyes shifted to (Y/n) standing awkwardly beside him. 

He then put an arm around her shoulder. “I’m going with her,” he clarified, pretending to not notice how (Y/n)’s eyes widened in surprise.

The girl's expression faltered, embarrassed by the rejection, but she managed to put on a smile. “Oh…I see. Well, please come find me if you want better company!”

As the girl left, Jaemin kicked the ground in frustration. “Did she not see that you were right next to me?” he quipped, tilting his head to the left.

(Y/n) looked puzzled. “Why did you turn her down? She was pretty.”

“You’re prettier,” Jaemin replied without hesitation. He smirked when he saw her cheeks turn pink.

Tucking his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he suggested, “Let’s go to the festival.”

(Y/n) hesitated before sighing. “I guess we have to now, since you told that girl we were.”

“Yeah. But I was going to ask you anyway,” he shrugged. “Come on, let’s go.”

She opened her mouth to say something and closed it. Jaemin chuckled at her silent agreement. They conversed on the way to the festival, and upon arrival, marveled at the transformed campus with lanterns, various booths, music, and enticing smells of food and alcohol.

“What do you want to do first?” Jaemin nudged (Y/n).

They spent most of their time walking around, pointing out interesting things, and occasionally participating in mini-games. Seated at a table under one of the food tents, they ate some tteokbokki. Despite disliking alcohol, they decided to share a bottle.

Later in the night, they found a spot on the grass to watch a fireworks show. Jaemin asked (Y/n) if she had done something like this before.

She lightly brushed her hand over the green blades. “There was one time when my parents took me to see fireworks on New Year's Eve. I must’ve been eight or nine.”

The dark sky allowed Jaemin to see a smile on her lips, yet a hint of sadness lingered in her eyes. Before he could inquire further, the show began, capturing their attention. The bursts of bright colors were mesmerizing up close.

Expressing a bit of regret, Jaemin remarked, “I wish I had brought my camera.”

(Y/n) looked over at him and smiled. Anticipating his wish, she unzipped her bag, revealing a small, light blue polaroid camera.

“I figured you were going to ask me to come here with you,” she explained, handing him the camera.

Grinning, Jaemin said, “Yeokshi, Kim (Y/n).”

Pointing out the best fireworks, (Y/n) and Jaemin managed to capture a few with the camera. Towards the end, Jaemin suggested taking some pictures together, and to his surprise, (Y/n) agreed to one photo. Excitedly, he flipped the camera around to snap a photo of them.

“Smile!”

Posing together, they managed to fit in the small frame, but Jaemin couldn't help but notice how close they had gotten. Subconsciously, his eyes flickered to her lips, and feeling daring, he leaned a bit more forward to see her reaction. 

She was blushing profusely now. His eyes searched hers, silently contemplating if he should just make a move. He pondered on what to say, or if words were even necessary at the moment. Jaemin’s heart was thumping rapidly against his chest. He couldn’t help but wonder if (Y/n)’s was the same.

Being in such close proximity allowed her to appreciate his handsome features. The mixture of his breath with hers stirred butterflies in her stomach, spiraling in circles. Suddenly, they dispersed, and the nonsensical thoughts in her mind ceased immediately.

Fully aware of the situation, she pulled back, her face and entire body ablaze. "It’s late. I should go," she lied, too embarrassed to meet his gaze.

Avoiding eye contact, she hastily rose to her feet and speed-walked out of the festival, pretending not to hear him call after her. (Y/n) cursed to herself, "What have I gotten myself into?"

════════

(Y/n) could barely concentrate in math class the next morning. The lack of sleep didn’t help. The events of the previous night replayed incessantly in her mind, driving her to the brink of insanity. Na Jaemin had come close to kissing her, and she almost wished he had. The setting had been perfect with fireworks, a romantic atmosphere, and their proximity. Yet, she had ruined the moment out of fear.

Last night confirmed that she developed feelings for him. The last thing she wanted. She knew from the beginning that being friends with Jaemin was dangerous. Yet, she still allowed herself to be drawn in.

Only when the others started leaving the classroom did she realize that the class was over. As she packed her things, a girl approached her – the one with long black hair, flawless makeup, and impeccable clothes from Jaemin’s photography class. She was the one who had asked him out and got turned down.

“You’re the girl who was with Na Jaemin yesterday, right?” she asked.

Taking a moment, (Y/n) replied, "Maybe."

Despite the smile she held, (Y/n) could tell the girl didn’t like her. Her lips twitched in slight annoyance as she continued the conversation.

"We’re not together, if that’s what you wanted to ask next," (Y/n) asserted, swinging her bag over her shoulder, ready to leave.

The girl's expression changed, and she casually remarked, "Ah, that’s good to know. I was beginning to question Na Jaemin’s taste in girls."

"Excuse me?" (Y/n) stopped and turned back towards her.

The girl spoke nonchalantly, "No matter how I look at it, I don’t think Jaemin would date someone like you. He’s smart, funny, and handsome. He comes from a nice family too. The girl he dates should live up to certain standards, right?"

(Y/n)’s hand tightened around the strap of her bag, and the girl took a step closer, scanning her from head to toe.

"You know, someone who is pretty, rich, and confident. I’d say it would be a loss for him to date a girl anything other than that."

Forced to smile, (Y/n) made a poor attempt to conceal the impact of those words. Mumbling, she said, "I know," and walked away, steering clear of a larger confrontation.

A mix of humiliation and annoyance consumed her. The girl's intentions were clear – to play with her head. Yet, she couldn't deny that the words had struck a nerve. Everything she lacked seemed to be a reason why Jaemin and she couldn't happen. Her feelings were rendered insignificant, knowing he was seemingly out of her league.

Her thoughts then veered back to Renjun. Despite the time that had passed, a part of her wasn’t entirely over him. The lessons from high school echoed in her mind – never allowing herself to get close to anyone again.

In the end, the problem always seemed to be her.

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Seated in the back row of the classroom, he slumped in his chair, grappling with the silence from (Y/n) since the other night. The texts he had sent her remained unread, flooding his mind with various thoughts.

Questions plagued him – was she angry? Did she resent him? Had he acted too hastily?

Admitting to himself that he might have been too impulsive, he chastised his own foolishness. Despite that realization, he couldn't help it at that moment; his feelings for her were overpowering. The looming possibility that she never wanted to see him again felt unbearable.

Though Jeno didn't voice his concerns, it was evident that he was worried about him. Over the past few days, anxiety had taken a toll on him, leading to skipped meals and isolation. He found himself criticizing (Y/n) for her eating habits, realizing the hypocritical nature of his actions. In some ways, she reminded him of himself – a music lover who didn't express it openly, an introvert with an outgoing facade, and someone who concealed insecurities adeptly.

Those similarities weren’t the only reason he liked her though. His affection for (Y/n) stemmed from her qualities as a listener. She patiently listened to his rants about proper skin care with attentive nods. She willingly assisted him with homework, displaying patience even when explanations needed repetition.

In a conversation with Jeno some time ago, he elaborated on the reasons for his deep admiration for (Y/n).

"You've really fallen for her, haven't you?" Jeno sighed in response to his lovesick monologue.

"And the way her eyes light up when she's excited," he continued, sounding like an enamored puppy. "Her laugh is just the cutest!"

Despite the selfish part of him, Jaemin knew he couldn’t impose his feelings on (Y/n). From how things were right now, the chances of her reciprocating his feelings was unlikely.

To be honest, Jaemin wasn’t sure if he was ready to accept that outcome.

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Having successfully avoided Jaemin for the past few days, (Y/n) found herself unable to escape this time. Her mind remained in disarray, and while uncertain about what to think, she knew facing him was inevitable.

"(Y/n), can we please talk?" Jaemin's voice reached her ears, prompting her to grimace before slowly turning around.

"What’s there to talk about?" she mumbled, reluctantly meeting his gaze.

Jaemin's eyes searched hers, seeking something. "Are we just going to act like nothing happened or—"

"It was a mistake," she cut him off, witnessing a hurt expression etch onto Jaemin's face.

"(Y/n)—" Jaemin began again, but she raised her hand to stop him.

"I know what you're going to say. But we can’t be together." She spoke in her sternest voice. "So please, forget what happened."

She concealed the trembling within her, although he took a step closer. Their sneakers nearly touched, and, for once, Jaemin wasn’t wearing the carefree smile she had grown accustomed to. Had she finally pushed him away for good?

Perhaps it was for the best.  Jaemin didn't deserve to be with her who was a complete mess. She dared to look at him once more, observing the hurt in his eyes. She was the one who was causing him pain. She wondered if he would say he hated her and never wanted to see her again. But she should have known he wouldn't.

"(Y/n).” The calm tone he was using strangely made her feel worse. "Will you ever open your heart to me?"

His words carried significant weight, seeking some form of answer. However, she just stared at him, speechless. 

He sighed and began to back away. "I’m sorry. But I don't think we can stay friends like this."

"Wait—Jaemin!" she called out as he disappeared from behind the bushes. "Na Jaemin!"

He was gone, and tears started to form in her eyes. A new feeling of guilt began to crawl up her throat. This pain was different from her first heartbreak, but it felt just as overwhelming.

Was this what it felt like to hurt someone?

════════

The cafe felt empty without him. A few customers made their daily orders, but it wasn't the same. Jaemin walking through the front door always brightened her day, giving her something to look forward to. Being at work now felt depressing and meaningless.

The hours passed, and there was still no Jaemin. (Y/n) tried to focus on her tasks and not dwell on what happened, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't.

By the time she finished wiping down all the tables, she was ready to officially close up the shop. Her plan was put on pause when she heard someone come in.

"I'm sorry, we're closed," she said plainly, turning around. Her eyes widened when she recognized the unexpected customer. "Jeno?"

The puppy-like boy smiled at her. "I was hoping you'd still be here."

He waited for her to finish closing up the shop, and they went to the park after. Walking along the sidewalk, following the stone circle path, (Y/n) knew Jeno wanted to talk to her about Jaemin. She thought he would be mad since they're best friends and all. If he held any resentment, he didn’t show it.

"I know it isn't really my place to say anything," Jeno finally broke the awkward silence between them. "But I've been worried about Jaemin, and you too."

Why would he be worried about her? She was the one who hurt his friend.

"I'm sorry. It's my fault," she apologized, and Jeno paused briefly before talking again.

"I don't know what happened between you two. But I think there's something you should know." They both stopped walking, and Jeno turned to face her properly.

"Jaemin sincerely cares about you, (Y/n). You can trust me when I say that he's never been so serious about someone."

His sentence was simple but struck her heart when she felt the weight of it. Jeno continued as the emotions started to kick in.

"I won’t tell you what to feel or to give him a chance. I believe all he wants is for you to be happy."

He glanced over at her, and his eyes quickly showed concern. She didn't even know she was crying until the first few tears dripped off her chin. Her lip quivered as more water spilled out of her eyes.

What Jeno said and everything else came crashing down on her like a huge ocean wave. She had forced herself to be blind to her true feelings. She liked Na Jaemin, so much more than a friend. But she had gotten so caught up in the fear of something like Renjun repeating that she didn't stop to think about his feelings. She was inconsiderate of him, who was always so sweet.

"What have I done?" she mumbled.

Jeno placed a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay, (Y/n). Why don't you come back with me to talk to him?"

She wasn't sure if she had the right to see Jaemin after all this. It was already embarrassing enough to be crying in front of Jeno. But if she learned anything from this, she had to pull herself together and push aside her fears. For Jaemin.

After a few sniffles, she smiled weakly at Jeno. "I think I'd like that."

She knew what she had to do now.

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Regret quickly consumed Jaemin after he left that day. His intention was to make things better with (Y/n), and confront things. But for some reason, he just couldn’t stomach her rejection. Now she might not ever talk to him again.

Sitting in the living room, contemplating all that had gone wrong, Jaemin's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of button presses from the passcode on their lock. Jeno was out later than expected. Jaemin exhaled and leaned back on the couch, awaiting his friend's arrival.

What he didn’t expect was to see (Y/n) come in after Jeno.She appeared extremely nervous, and the rims of her eyes were slightly red. Had she been crying? Jaemin questioned why Jeno brought her here, giving his friend a questionable look. 

Jeno simply smiled before heading to their room. “I’ll leave you guys alone.”

(Y/n) and Jaemin exchanged awkward glances. She tightened the grip on the strap of her bag. 

“Jaemin, can we talk?” she asked, speaking quietly, almost as if afraid he'd get mad at her. Jaemin stood up from the couch, smiling slightly, and suggested they go out to the balcony.

The weather was pleasant that day, with the dark evening sky and light autumn breeze. Both unsure of how to start, (Y/n) and Jaemin admired the city view for a bit. Not wanting her to feel pressured, Jaemin decided to speak first.

“(Y/n), I’m sorry,” he sighed. “The other day, I shouldn't have been so cold to you.” 

Quick to shake her head, (Y/n) said, "No, I should be the one apologizing."

Jaemin furrowed his eyebrows, nodding to let her explain. "I never told you the full story about the last guy I liked," she began, resting her folded hands atop the steel railing. "At the time, I was in a… really dark place. And he was the first person who saw the real me."

"When I was around him, I didn't have to pretend I was okay all the time. He was the closest friend I ever had." Her eyes sparkled as she smiled sadly, a smile that quickly faded.

"But things changed after his girlfriend moved and transferred to our school. I overheard their conversation where he said that I never meant anything to him."

Listening quietly, Jaemin noted the fragility in her voice, as if she could break any second. Yet she didn't.

"After that day, I swore to myself that I’d never be vulnerable to a boy ever again. But I realized that was incredibly unfair to you,” she continued. 

"You've shown me nothing but kindness and patience," she murmured. "When all I've done is push you away."

"(Y/n)—"

She let out a deep breath as she finally met his eyes. "The idea of opening my heart to someone terrifies me. But, I think I'm willing to try if it's you."

Her teeth sank into her bottom lip, waiting nervously for a response. Jaemin's outward reaction was slow, but not on the inside. Her words were like a key that unlocked everything he had kept in his heart. 

“You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that,” he said, gently taking her hands in his. “I promise that you’re safe with me, (Y/n).”

She smiled, “I trust you, Jaemin.”

The two have never been in this close proximity before. His breath on hers made her heart race. The two locked eyes for a moment, as Jaemin slowly leaned in. But right before their lips could meet, he paused. She regarded him with a hint of confusion, wondering why he was hesitating.

"Can I kiss you?" he then asked, knowing he didn't really have to but wanting her to be sure.

His question sparked a wave of heat instantly rushed to her cheeks. However, the corner of her lips curled into a small smile as she rose on the tip of her toes, closing the remaining distance between them. Jaemin was caught slightly off guard by her sudden actions. But the sensation of her soft lips against his was enough to make him melt. He knew right away that her touch was something he wanted more of.

Feeling as if his heart could burst at any moment, Jaemin brought his hands up to tenderly cup her face. Their kiss was slow at first, allowing them to take their time and savor the moment. His lips moved in sync with hers, and her fingers gripped the hem of his hoodie as he kissed her harder. Towards the end, he was sure she could feel him smiling into the kiss.

Eventually, they broke away, breathless, lips redder and moist from the sweet kiss they had just shared. Jaemin kept one hand on her cheek, gently caressing it with his thumb.

"(Y/n)," he said her name like a vow. "I’ve been wanting to do that for so long."

She smiled shyly before admitting, “Me too. I should’ve just let you kiss me at the festival.”

Jaemin's heart practically exploded for the umpteenth time when she fully wrapped her arms around his torso. The left side of her face rested on his chest, as she wasn't tall enough to reach his shoulder.

Of course, he gladly accepted the embrace, gently squeezing her. He didn't want to ever let go. She giggled when he pressed a kiss into her hair.

"I'm so in love with you, Kim (Y/n)."

There weren’t enough words to describe how amazing it felt to confess that out loud.

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Subconsciously, (Y/n)'s fingertips would brush over her lips after the previous night. The prior events were still fresh in her mind—her apology and confession, him kissing her. She contemplated whether everything had been a dream she hadn't woken up from.

However, (Y/n) was reassured when Jaemin greeted her with a hug the next morning. She was slightly wary of other people seeing them, but she brushed it off. Besides, she had recently learned that Jaemin gave the warmest hugs.

"Should we hold hands?" she laughed shyly when he asked. He seemed to be giddier about the change in their relationship than she was.

(Y/n) nodded to him and bravely intertwined her right hand with his left one. In return, a gloating Jaemin pressed a quick kiss against her knuckles before suggesting they head to class.

"This is day two of Na Jaemin and Kim (Y/n) as a couple," he lightly swung their arms as they walked on the school campus.

"You're already counting?" she smiled in slight amusement.

Jaemin nodded proudly. "I already marked when our 100th day will be."

"Really? I did too," she said bashfully.

Not many people knew this, but (Y/n) was secretly a romantic at heart. She used to fantasize over fun date ideas and anniversaries. So when Jaemin and she confirmed their feelings for each other, she marked their 100th day on her calendar when she got back to the dorm. She was afraid she was getting ahead of herself, so she didn't intend to tell him. But it was nice to know that Jaemin also thought about those things.

"See? I knew we were a perfect match," he tilted his head back.

The closer they got to the classroom, the more nervous (Y/n) began to feel. What would everyone say when they saw Jaemin and her come in together, holding hands?

"What's wrong?"

"You're not worried about other people seeing us?" she asked.

"They probably assumed we've been together for a while now," said Jaemin. "But either way, I don't care what they think."

Jaemin was certainly a lot braver than (Y/n) was. But she could feel his courage slowly starting to rub off on her. When he turned to look at her to hear her opinion, she gently squeezed his hand.

"Then I won't either,” she said confidently. He smiled and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek before they entered the lecture hall.

Jaemin wasn’t surprised by the whispers and looks people gave them when he and (Y/n) entered the room holding hands. (Y/n) insisted that she wouldn’t care about the other people at college who talked behind their backs, but there was still a twinge of guilt in him.

She had gained all this unwanted attention before when they were just friends. Now that they were officially dating, it gave people on campus another excuse to gawk at them. They could spread all the rumors they wanted to, but this was their life, and (Y/n)’s too. Jaemin wasn’t going to let them ruin their happiness.

Thankfully, class didn’t go as slowly as Jaemin expected. Every so often, he glanced over to (Y/n) beside him, thinking about what she said the other day, about her past. He now understood why she was so cold to him in the beginning. But he was grateful that he had finally gotten her to open up. 

(Y/n) tapped him on the shoulder. “Jaemin, class is over.”

“Really?” Lifting his head, Jaemin looked around to see people were indeed leaving.

“I guess you didn’t pay much attention to the professor, did you?” She sighed and crossed her arms.

“How can I, when I have you next to me?” He teased.

As expected, (Y/n) quickly lost her composure when he said that. She got flustered so easily.

“Are you always this direct in a relationship?” she blushed.

“Only for you,” Jaemin winked and held out his hand to her. “Come on, everyone has left already.”

They walked out into the hall, avoiding the occasional stares from passing students. Jaemin felt (Y/n) nudge him when they got outside.

“I don’t have work today,” she said. “Is there anything you want to do?”

Jaemin hummed, pretending to think for a second. Little did she know, he was hoping she didn’t have anything else to do today.

“We should go on a date,” he suggested.

(Y/n) stared at him as if she didn’t hear him properly. “Date? Where would we go?”

Jaemin simply smiled and told her she would just have to wait and see.

════════

They stepped inside, and the scent of candy greeted them.

“I came here with Jeno once to make cookies. I thought it would be fun to try decorating a cake,” Jaemin said.

“Cake decorating?” (Y/n)’s eyes scattered around the colorful place. Ha, he bet she thought he was going to take her to some cafe.

First off, Jaemin wanted to take her mind off things and destress a little. Considering she spent a lot of her time working with coffee and beverages, he didn’t want to take her somewhere that reminded her of that. It was their first date, and he wanted to make it special. (Y/n) being impressed by his creativity was an added bonus.

“What do you think?” he asked her, just to make sure.

She gave him a nod of approval. “It sounds fun. I just can’t guarantee our cake will turn out too pretty.”

“I’m sure we’ll do just fine,” Jaemin reassured her, gently patting her back. “Come on, let’s go find a table.”

A lady who worked at the store bought them a sponge cake covered in plain white cream. They listened carefully to her directions before they got up to get toppings to decorate their cake. There was an entire room filled with an assortment of candies, sprinkles, fruits, and icing.

“You and your love for sugar,” (Y/n) giggled when she saw Jaemin eyeing the chocolate section.

He smiled sheepishly. “You should choose things you like too.”

In the end, they settled on a few toppings that they both liked and went back to their table. Jaemin had no clue where to start. Luckily, (Y/n) seemed a lot better at cake decorating than she thought she would be. She guided his hand carefully to drizzle chocolate icing along the outer edges of the cake.

By the time they finished decorating, (Y/n) seemed pleased with how nice the cake turned out. Jaemin took a bunch of pictures with his phone, with the majority of them capturing her. He couldn’t help it when she looked so cute in his eyes.

After getting dinner, Jaemin and (Y/n) strolled hand in hand towards her dorm building. Jaemin purposely walked slower, dreading the idea of having to part from her. The gentle glow of the streetlights cast a warm ambiance around them, and the sounds of their laughter mixed with the rustle of leaves under their feet.

As they stopped in front of her dorm, he turned to her with a soft pout. “Do you really have to go?”

A soft chuckle escaped her lips at his newfound clinginess. “I have class in the morning, you know. We’ll see each other tomorrow.”

“I know…” Jaemin mumbled, playfully kicking the ground. 

The smile on her lips grew, as she lightly squeezed his hand.  “Thank you for today. I had a lot of fun.”

“I’m glad,” he said, a subtle giddiness dancing in his heart. He couldn’t help but think of all the other things he wanted to do with her now that they were together.

Their hands remained intertwined, as the two stood in silence for a few seconds. Jaemin’s gaze turned more tender, and he leaned into place a quick kiss to her lips. “See you tomorrow, (Y/n).”

Heading inside the building, (Y/n) couldn’t help but glance back at him. The lingering smile he wore and the warmth in her eyes made her heart beat faster than usual. She wondered if she’d ever grow accustomed to that feeling. One thing she was certain of, was that today marked the beginning of something beautiful.

If this was a dream, she never wanted to wake up from it.

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In the weeks that followed, (Y/n) slowly felt more secure in her blossoming relationship with Jaemin. Things hadn’t changed much from when they were friends. He still had lunch with her, dropped by her workplace, and walked her home. The notable change in these moments now included flirtatious banter and kisses. She learned early on that Jaemin didn’t hold back when it came to openly expressing his affection. She wasn’t used to having someone care so deeply the way he did. 

One weekend, they decided to make dinner together at his apartment. Jaemin took her to the grocery store near his place so they could pick up ingredients. He guided her through the aisles, hand in hand, creating a sense of warmth within her.

“I make really good pork belly,” Jaemin mentioned, placing a pack of the frozen meat in the cart. “You’re going to love it.”

(Y/n) smiled, “We should get some kimchi to go with it.”

As they headed toward the kimchi section, the smile on her lips faded when she spotted a familiar figure. She internally cursed as their eyes met. Jaemin observed her complexion growing paler as the person approached them.

“Eomma,” the word slipped past her lips without her realizing.

“Well if it isn’t my lovely daughter,” the woman chimed. “You haven’t been answering any of my texts, I was getting worried.”

Unconsciously, her grip on his hand tightened. She hadn’t seen her mother since their argument. But that didn’t stop her from berating her phone with texts that said all kinds of things. She didn’t expect to run into her mom like this.

“Yeah…I was busy,” she mumbled in reply.

Her mother turned to Jaemin with an intrigued expression. “And who’s this?”

Before she could answer, Jaemin spoke up. “Nice to meet you. I’m (Y/n)’s boyfriend, Na Jaemin.”

As he politely bowed, her mother clasped her hands together. “Oh, how wonderful. She’s never mentioned you before.”

Jaemin was perceptive enough to catch the way she bit her lip. She only ever did that when she was nervous or uncomfortable. While he didn’t know why she seemed so tense, he decided not to comment on it for now.

“It’s a recent thing. We’ve been together for a few weeks now,” he explained with a tight-lipped smile.

She sucked in a breath, observing her mother eye Jaemin as if he were a piece of candy.

“What a handsome face. (Y/n) should bring you over sometime,” her mom said, subtly darting her eyes towards (Y/n). “After all, I am her mother and gave birth to her. It makes my heart ache when she doesn’t visit.”

The indirect jab hidden beneath her mom’s words made (Y/n) feel like a little girl again. She hated it when her mom tried to guilt her because it always worked.

“Sure, Eomma. We’ll visit you,” she said, forcing herself to smile. 

Her shoulders gradually sank once they were a safe distance away. Sensing her unease, Jaemin lightly nudged her. “Are you okay?”

Almost automatically, she nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s just finish shopping.”

Jaemin frowned as she pushed the cart forward and walked ahead of him. The way she immediately brushed him off confirmed that something was off. But if she wasn’t ready to talk about it, he didn’t want to push her. 

He was sure she’d open up to him more eventually.

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The unease she felt since encountering her mom that day hadn’t gone away. Her phone hadn’t stopped blowing up with messages since. Though her thumb scrolled mindlessly through her mom’s texts, she couldn’t find the energy in her to respond. Letting out a quiet sigh, she placed the phone down so she could focus on her homework.

“Princess, do you have an extra phone charger?” She glanced up at the sound of Jaemin’s voice.

She couldn’t help but blush a little at the name he used for her. He started calling her that some time ago, and it never failed to make her heart skip a beat. 

He had come over to her dorm after his class to do some studying. But it ended up turning into her doing actual work while Jaemin ranted about how Jeno accidentally poured water on his laptop. While he was a little distracting, she didn’t mind his presence at all. She was so used to doing everything on her own, and having Jaemin around made her aware of the loneliness she had been feeling prior.

Nodding, she pointed toward her desk. “Should be in the first drawer.”

Jaemin opened the drawer in search of the charger. However, his eyes widened when he unexpectedly found a razor blade peeking out from a notebook. His brows furrowed in confusion as he hesitantly picked it up. Upon closer inspection, he noticed brownish-red stains on the blade.

She sat up straighter on the bed, her eyes meeting the back of his head. “Did you find it?”

“(Y/n)...what is this?” he asked.

When he turned to her with the familiar shiny tool, her eyes widened with panic. Curses instantly flew through her head, realizing she had forgotten it was there. How could she be so stupid?

Quickly regaining her composure, she attempted to brush him off. “Oh, that’s nothing. Just an old thing.”

She could sense the skepticism in his eyes, and her fingers instinctively gripped the edge of her sleeve, pulling it down. Jaemin caught that, causing his worry to deepen. Setting the blade down, he moved to sit beside her on the bed. His gaze involuntarily fell to her arm, and she pulled back as he extended his hand.

“Can I see?” His voice carried a softness that tugged at her emotions.

Struggling to maintain eye contact, she bit her lip in hesitation. (Y/n) knew that if she was going to be with Jaemin, he would eventually have to find out about her secret. Nevertheless, she hadn’t anticipated it happening so soon. After a deep breath, she reluctantly rolled up the sleeve of her sweater. She looked down at the series of old scars with a mixture of shame and disgust.

Half of her expected the same reaction from Jaemin. But instead, his expression remained unreadable as he lightly traced his fingers over the faded marks. His touch sent an electric tingle down her spine.  

“What happened, Princess?” he asked, his voice gentle.

She knew that he simply wanted to understand the reasons behind the scars. However, his question brought back memories she had buried deep, almost making her feel sick. Nonetheless, she took another deep breath before starting to open up.

“Ever since I was little, my parents were always fighting and it always made me feel anxious. At some point I started to think that my parents would’ve been happier if they hadn’t had me,” she confessed. “Then I started cutting myself to numb my feelings. And it only got worse when my mom filed for divorce. I always knew it would happen, but it still hurt.”

Tears sprang to her eyes as she thought back to those nights where she felt so helpless and resentful. The only person who was able to pull her out of that dark place was Renjun. But she was brought back into that downward spiral after everything unfolded. Fighting against her mental state had been a long battle that she still hadn’t fully recovered from.

Jaemin listened in silence, his heart aching for the pain she endured. Now he understood why she seemed so unnerved when they ran into her mother at the store. He could only imagine the influence her mom had over her. 

“So that’s why my relationship with my mom isn’t great,” she continued, fidgeting with her blanket. 

Jaemin could discern the anguish in her expression. “I stopped cutting a long time ago,” she said, glancing down. “But I understand if you don’t like me anymore.”

Honestly, she didn’t know how he could still like her when he saw her hideous scars that only revealed her brokenness. Yet, the Jaemin she had fallen for wasn't like that at all. Instead of recoiling in revulsion, he lifted her chin so their eyes could meet once more. Then he leaned into plant a tender kiss on her lips.

“Nothing can change how I feel about you, (Y/n),” he said with the utmost assurance. “These scars only show that you’ve gone through battles, and came out stronger because of them.”

Jaemin’s sweet words triggered the waterworks for her, and he wasted no time in pulling her into his embrace. This was the first time he saw her cry, and it only made him want to hold her tighter. In fact, he held her in his arms, providing solace for the rest of the night.

While Jaemin hated seeing her in such distress, he was also grateful that she let him see this vulnerable side to her. He knew it couldn’t have been easy for her. He felt as if he had uncovered the final piece of her puzzle. 

Now that she had fully let him in, Jaemin was determined to make her feel more loved than she ever had before.

┈◦•◦♡•◦┈◦•◦♡•◦┈◦•◦♡•◦┈◦•◦♡•◦

{ three years later }

“Jaemin, quit staring,” she giggled. “You have to focus on the road.”

He pouted in response, reluctantly obeying. “I can’t help it, your new hair color is so pretty.”

A blush crept up her cheeks as she subconsciously brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. Dying her naturally brown hair to burgundy had been an impulsive decision on her part. She thought that a little change might be nice, and Jaemin seemed to like it.

Time had flown by so quickly. It felt like yesterday when she was insistent on not getting close to Jaemin. And now he had become someone she treasured the most. She couldn’t imagine her life without him.

She had graduated college and secured her first full-time job. While Jaemin was in medical school, studying to become a surgeon. Although his schedule could be demanding, he still made time for her, which she appreciated. 

“Where are we going?” she asked. 

“This fried chicken place Jeno told me about,” he replied, playfully ignoring the way she hastily changed the subject. (Y/n) hummed in response, gazing out the car window to admire the night aesthetics of the city. 

Right when they stepped in the restaurant, they were greeted by the enticing aroma of chicken and beer. The dimly lit ambiance cast a warm glow across the space, creating an inviting atmosphere. The latest K-pop songs reverberated through the air, infusing the restaurant with a vibrant energy that resonated with the bustling city outside.

“(Y/n)!” 

Jaemin noticed the startled expression when she heard her name being called. He glanced in the direction of the voice and spotted a charismatic tan-skinned man with dark brown hair, radiating a lively and welcoming aura.

“Lee Haechan?” she asked, her eyes widening in surprise.

“The one and only.” The boy said proudly, shifting his gaze to the person standing beside her. “Nice to see you, (Y/n)...and who did you bring with you?”

She blushed almost immediately, briefly glancing at Jaemin. “Oh this is Na Jaemin, my—”

“Boyfriend,” he finished for her, casually swinging an arm around her shoulders. “How do you know, (Y/n)?”

“Oh, we go way back since elementary school.” She caught the mischief in Haechan’s smile, and she just knew that he was ready to tease her. 

Thankfully, he held back and guided them to a table. Once they settled down, Haechan told her about how he opened up this restaurant after college. It was nice catching up with him after all these years. However, Haechan seemed to be more intrigued about her and Jaemin.

“So how did you two get together?” Haechan asked, as he placed down two glasses of beer on their table.

She exchanged a glance with Jaemin before answering, “We shared a few classes our first year in college, and he used to go to the café I worked at.”

“Yeah, I was interested in her from the start. It took some time for her to warm up to me.” The soft smile he gave made her heart flutter. “But it was worth it.”

Haechan leaned back in his seat with a playful grin. “Well, Na Jaemin, you must have some charm to crack her tough exterior. I honestly thought she’d never let anyone in after—”

“Haechan,” she said in a warning tone, shooting him a glare. Although she’s moved on from her high school days, she still didn’t like to talk about what happened.

The male raised his hands in the air, feigning innocence. “I’m sorry, I was just saying. But I’m genuinely happy for you, (Y/n), really.”

The sincerity in his eyes allowed her shoulders to relax a little. She smiled at him gratefully, reflecting on how far she’s come since high school. The last time she saw Haechan, she was at her all-time lowest. Now, she was the happiest she had ever been in her life.

Towards the end when they were getting ready to leave, Haechan mentioned a small high school reunion event he was hosting at the restaurant next Sunday.

“You should come (Y/n). I’m sure our old friends would love to see you.”

The thought of seeing her high school friends again was daunting. Haechan noticed the hesitation in her expression and offered an encouraging pat on the shoulder.

“Just think about it,” he said.

Biting her lip, she gave him a small nod and glanced back at Jaemin so they could leave. But as Jaemin headed outside, Haechan held her back for a second.

“You should look him up.” She didn’t need to ask to know he was talking about Renjun. 

Unsure of what to say, she nodded silently and joined Jaemin out in the cool evening air. She was quiet during the car ride back, but Jaemin decided not to comment on it for now.

Later in the night, instead of sleeping, she was on her laptop trying to occupy her mind with work stuff. Yet, Haechan’s suggestion lingered in her thoughts. Though a part of her resisted, the curiosity was overwhelming. So she slowly typed Renjun’s name into the search engine, and she was surprised by what she found.

He had debuted as a main vocalist in an idol group under SM entertainment. She couldn’t believe her eyes as she scrolled YouTube, showcasing his group’s music videos and stage performances. Watching the clips in awe, she couldn’t help but think back to the letter she had written to him before moving away. Seeing that he had not only pursued but achieved his dream filled with her a warm sense of pride and satisfaction. She always knew he would be successful.

Lost in her thoughts, she almost didn’t notice Jaemin entering the room after finishing his shower. It was pretty late by the time they got back to her apartment, so Jaemin happily accepted her offer to sleep over. She became aware of his presence when he came up from behind and wrapped his arms around her. Her lips stretched into a small smile, as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

“Is that the guy you told me about? Your first love?” he asked, viewing the screen in front of you.

Her smile faded as she slowly nodded. “Yeah that’s him.”

A moment of silence passed between them before Jaemin spoke again. “Is that why you hesitated when Haechan brought up the high school reunion?”

“I don’t know, I feel like I’d just make things awkward by going,” she sighed, turning around to lightly brush her fingers through his slightly damp hair. “What do you think?”

Jaemin gently tilted her chin up, meeting her eyes. “I think you should go,” he murmured softly. “I know you moved on, but confronting your past might give you some closure.”

Her lips pressed together, recognizing the validity in his words. Despite that, uncertainty lingered in her expression.

“I could come with you if you want,” he suggested.

Surprised by his offer, she raised an eyebrow and asked if he was being serious. Jaemin nodded with a reassuring smile. “Of course, I wouldn’t let my princess do this alone.”

In moments like those, (Y/n) couldn’t help but find herself falling for him again. He was always so sweet and supportive.

“Thank you, that means a lot to me,” she whispered, caressing his cheek with the pad of her thumb. “I can always count on you, can’t I?”

Jaemin's smile broadened as he met her halfway for a quick kiss. He closed her laptop, and pulled her into his embrace so they could cuddle in bed. Laying there beside him, she could see the love pouring from his eyes.

And with him, she felt like she could take on anything.

┈◦•◦♡•◦┈◦•◦♡•◦┈◦•◦♡•◦┈◦•◦♡•◦

No matter how much she tried to mentally prepare herself for Sunday, her hands still trembled as she stood outside the restaurant entrance. Thankfully, Jaemin was by her side to lightly squeeze her hand in reassurance. After a slow exhale, her hand wrapped around the door handle and pushed it open.

As she walked into the sound of chatter and clinking glasses, she spotted Haechan downing a shot of soju. After placing the glass down, Haechan waved over to you and Jaemin.

“Oh, you guys are here!” the male called out.

Heads turned, and the sudden attention made her cheeks heat up.

“Hey, everyone. It’s been awhile,” she said with a sheepish smile, exchanging a brief glance with Jaemin. “Um—this is my boyfriend, Na Jaemin.”

Just as she said that, her eyes locked onto him almost immediately. He didn’t look too different from the last time she saw him, except his facial features were more defined and his hair was bleached. She wondered how many times he’s had to dye his hair since he debuted.

Instantly, her introduction of Jaemin elicited excited comments and congratulations, intensifying her shyness. Seated among her former classmates, she and Jaemin found themselves bombarded with questions about how they met and other details. Gradually, she began to relax as she and Jaemin recounted their story.

Later in the evening, Haechan encouraged Renjun to perform one of his songs for the group. Although Renjun seemed hesitant initially, he eventually stepped up to the small stage located near the back wall of the restaurant. Soon, music began to play through the speakers, and she observed with anticipation.

It had been so long since she heard him sing in person. As he started with the first verse of the song, a wave of high school memories flooded through her mind. Those days when they would listen to his playlist while waiting for the bus. The summer days when he tried to get her to sing his favorite songs with him, but she was too shy to join in.

She watched as he took the microphone off the stand, reaching the chorus of the song. 

“Tell me why I let you down. Any chance I get I’m breaking down,” he sang with such emotion. His voice was just as beautiful as she remembered.

“I know it’s my fault, but why is it so hard?” Her heart strangely twisted when his eyes found hers. “To tell you that I’m sorry, heart.”

It didn't take much for her to understand that he was singing to her. As he continued with the rest of the song, tears glossed over her eyes. Although she was no longer hurt by the past, hearing him now made her heart swell in emotion. Jaemin was right, this was the closure she had needed.

When the event came to a close, Jaemin suggested they take a little walk. She was a little confused when he guided her across the street and stopped under a large maple tree. Moonlight filtered through the branches, creating a serene ambiance.

“You okay?” he asked, noticing she was more quiet than usual.

She pondered on his question for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, I am. I thought I would regret going tonight, but I’m glad I did.”

“I’m glad you did too. All your friends seemed nice,” Jaemin said, placing a hand in his jacket pocket. Initially, she assumed he was just cold, but then his hand emerged holding a small black box.

“What…what are you doing?” she asked, looking at him with a puzzled expression.

Jaemin smiled, his eyes reflecting the moonlight. “I was going to wait, but for some reason, I think now is the right moment.”

Her eyes widened when he got down on one knee, and her heartbeat skyrocketed instantly. A part of her wondered if she was hallucinating.

He opened the box, revealing a beautiful diamond ring inside. She gasped, clasping a hand over her mouth.

“Kim (Y/n), I knew you were the one since the first time I laid eyes on you,” Jaemin began, trying his his best to keep his voice stable, his hand shaking a little. She had never seen him so nervous before.

“Over time, I fell in love with the way you smile, the way you face challenges, and the incredible strength you carry within you,” he continued. “Every day, I am so grateful that you let me into your world. And these past few years together, made me realize that I don’t want to live another moment without you in it.”

By this point, she couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down her cheeks. Jaemin let out a shaky breath, his eyes filled with love as he asked, “So with that said, will you marry me?”

Through tears, she managed to nod, her voice barely above a whisper, “Yes.”

She wished she could say the word a million times over. What did she ever do to deserve Na Jaemin in her life?

Once the ring was slid onto her finger, they embraced tightly than they ever have before. In the midst of their joy, she spotted Renjun standing across the street. Their eyes met, and the genuine smile they shared conveyed a silent understanding. In that moment, she realized that they both found their happy endings in a way. He went after his dreams, which was all she wanted for him. Meanwhile, she had found someone who cherished and valued her.

Jaemin broke away slightly to wipe her tears. Then he slowly leaned in to give her a kiss, one full of passion and tenderness. Her hands found their way to the back of his neck as she applied a little more pressure to the kiss. 

“I love you, Na Jaemin,” she whispered when they parted, her eyes still watery.

The smile on his face widened as he pressed his forehead against hers. “I love you too, Kim (Y/n).”

The city faded away, leaving them lost in the moment. Before she met Jaemin, she questioned whether she could ever find love or be loved by someone. But none of those doubts lingered in her mind as she stood in his arms.

Though Jaemin wasn’t her first love, he was most certainly her last.

𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡

[kedreeva]

Running with the "Steve helps Eddie study for finals" into "Steve quickly discovers that strip-flashcards is not an effective way to get right answers from Eddie" and right into "changing the rules so Eddie has to grab a sharpie and write the right answers down somewhere that he'll remember" and then "I'll remember what part of Steve's skin I wrote this on"

(my inbox is open for ST prompts!)(Previous prompts)

god I remember this discussion lol let's see if I can do it well

------

Steve hasn't done a lot of studying in his life. He didn't need to study to cruise through high school with a solid C average, and he had never planned on needing anything higher than that. He aced a few courses just because they didn't require anything from him, so his GPA was always just a little higher.

But he'd met Nancy partway through, most of the way through if he's being honest, and she had taken notes and made cards and highlighted textbooks. She had played little memory games and made little songs about the things she needed to remember. He tried harder, around her, and even had done a little better.

Which is why when Eddie asks for his help, when he needs to pass two more classes in order to make it out, Steve is all too happy to show him.

Except... Eddie isn't Nancy.

His notes are a mess, completely illegible to anyone that isn't Eddie. He doesn't pay attention to the notecards, and Steve finds him asleep over the textbooks almost every time. He can read an entire Dungeons and Dragons manual cover to cover and parrot back everything inside of it, but he cannot get 2 paragraphs into his history book. Songs almost work, except for the fact that Eddie doesn't know the meaning of singing in his head.

But... Eddie isn't Nancy.

When Steve had suggested Nancy remove articles of clothing for wrong answers, she had balked. She had told him no, and she had meant it.

When Steve suggests Eddie remove articles of clothing for wrong answers, Eddie ends up naked in as many notecards as he has articles of clothing, and the only studying that gets done that night is human anatomy. It only goes slightly better the other way around; he manages to get Steve stripped almost as quickly, and the study session ends.

Steve is at a loss.

Steve is at a loss until he sees Eddie doodling a tattoo idea around his own ankle with a permanent marker.

"Hey," he says. Eddie doesn't have ears like a cat, but the way he doesn't look up, the way his attention shifts with just the slightest twitch of his head, reminds Steve of a cat twitching one ear in acknowledgement. "You have that algebra test monday, right?"

Eddie hums confirmation, and then stops drawing and looks at Steve with a warming smile. "You trying to suggest some flash cards again?"

"Something like that," Steve agrees, and holds out his hand. "Can I see that marker?"

Eddie joins him on the bed and passes him the marker without question. Steve uncaps it, tests it against his skin. It's cold, but not unpleasant, and he doesn't have work the next few days while the store finishes renovations. It could work.

He wriggles out of his shirt, and Eddie's eyes light up in anticipation, but Steve holds out a hand to stop him, marker grasped upright in it. Eddie takes it back with a confused look.

"You have to remember formulas, right?"

Eddie groans. "I've been had!"

Steve rolls his eyes. "You haven't been had. You like leaving marks on me, right?"

"Yeah, with my teeth, Steve," Eddie tells him.

Steve shrugs and sprawls back on Eddie's pillows, arms behind his head. "I don't care how you hold the pen," he says with a shit-eating grin. "But I have a feeling you'll remember the formulas a little better if you're picturing where you've written them on me."

Eddie's breath goes soft, his eyes blinking slowly, and Steve smiles fondly because he knows what Eddie looks like when he loses function for a few seconds. Then Eddie is diving for his math textbook, and a moment later Steve finds himself with a lap full of eager boyfriend.

He scribes his homework onto Steve's skin in ink first and lips second, whispering each one. Steve echoes them, and maybe he actually learns something as well because he knows where Eddie will kiss next by the numbers and letters he recites. He fills in Steve's chest and rolls him over to scrawl all over the lean muscles of his back, down past his ass, onto his thighs.

"Cannot believe you're really going to give me a hard-on for math," he whispers into the soft hollow of Steve's knee, a second before he bites Steve for laughing.

He aces the test on Monday.

[lunar-solstice-plur]

Not to talk about random shit on this blog but I need to talk about Inside Out 2 because I LOVED IT so much. (this is not a professional analysis at all just ramblings) (also SPOILERS)

First things first, I loved the character designs so freaking much. Little Envy being so small she has to be carried, and her cute little dress?? I was like crying looking at her. Ennui like not even being able to sit up right cuz she cares so little. I love her emo design and just the fact that she's French is so random but I love it. I wish she had more of a role in the movie though.

Embarrassment being so big he can barely fit in the frame. His hoodie covering up his entire face except his nose is so cute. And Anxiety being high strung, like, physically, her stringy hair tied up! And her awkward smile and deer in the headlights eyes, she is we. Oh, and Nostalgia literally having rose-colored glasses lol.

And its not just the emotions, the other designs were so good! The human characters being so much more diverse (having a Muslim teammate? Woah!) and Riley still looks like herself, just grown up a little. The 2D animation was so fun, and Riley's anime boyfriend having the like kingdom hearts animation style is hilarious.

(All of that text and I haven't even talked about the plot yet!)

I have a severe anxiety disorder, and of course, the main antagonist of the movie is Anxiety, that's not a hidden thing, so I was I little worried about them making her some kind of evil character. But genuinely, she was so well done. She was genuinely trying to help Riley be her better self, she just didn't understand that what she was doing was hurting her. She was planning for the future, a few little broken promises are nothing compared to a positive future! But she took it too far, and everything got to be too much. Riley wasn't good enough anymore. And she tried to fix that too, but it just led to an anxiety attack.

Three things I particularly liked were, one, that Joy getting angry at Anxiety didn't stop her because getting upset at someone having an anxiety attack only sends them spiraling further. Two, showing grounding techniques in the movie! Focusing on the things Riley could hear, see, touch.

And most importantly, three, the fact that the message wasn't that Anxiety is a horrible emotion that should never do anything. That's such an easy trap to fall into. But no, she has a role, too. Riley needed to study for that Spanish test, or else she could fail. But they calm Anxiety down when she gets too caught up in not making the team, because mom and dad will still love us if we fail, and there's always next year.

Plus, the fact that Joy didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to deal with the new emotions, and she didn't know how they were going to help Riley get her sense of self back. And she admitted that. And in the end, she was still a little wrong, just like in the first movie. Riley's sense of self changed, and that's okay, because she's her own person and deserves the space to change and be herself, no matter what that entails. Riley still needs to be happy, but she also needs to feel afraid and angry and sad and disgusted, and of course, embarrassed and anxious and envious and bored. The bad memories may leave a sour taste, but they can't just be hidden away.

There were some parts I didn't like (the whole 'you're delusional!' bit was really unfortunate, and the 'well that's a preview of the next 10 years' actually seems quite hurtful to the development of youth's emotional expression, being shamed for emotional outbursts), but overall, I really really enjoyed it, and I'm so glad that they were able to portray these emotions that are viewed negatively by many people in a more positive light.

[tf2-bhs]

Meet Jeremy Sullivan

The most speedy Student at Mann Secondary School and Sixth Form. The runt of a rather large family it's clear that he was slightly neglected but so were all his other brothers as having one mother to share around 8 children is quite the task.

Being the so-called runt of a large family does have other consequences than just not receiving enough attention, it also gave his brothers the perfect opportunities to give stupider and stupider nicknames to him. To his brothers James and Jonny, he's simply 'Rat', as the twins used to call him 'Remy' until they watched Ratatouille, and found it quite funny. For Jacob, it is 'Jerbel.' Their mother always called him 'Jerry', which in turn led to Jefferey Jordan and Jackson calling him 'Mouse' as a Tom and Jerry joke. And because he's just quite boring, Julian just calls him Jeremy. Of course with his mother, nicknames are far from the insults and rodents of his brothers. Her favorites are 'Jerry', 'Jer-bear' and 'Cupcake'. She especially likes to do this when his friends are round to embarrass him further.

As he was the youngest in his family, and from his brothers' constant 'banter', as they put it, he often felt like he was the weakest member of their family, and that he had something to prove. And so to prove himself, he started to do sports, especially rounders and cross-country running, eventually dropping the other sports just to focus on those ones.

Aside from sports, Jeremy also quite enjoys drawing and arts, and in fact, he's quite good at it. However, he doesn't use his talents for much good just often drawing little doodles of his friends or characters, and never drawing anything big. One of the things he draws most often however is the French exchange student who's living with his family in odd situations.

And now we get onto 'Spy', as despite living with the Sullivan family for just over a year, no one actually knows his name, or what he looks like (except for one person), and by god, does he and Jeremy fight. Most of it is verbal, but occasionally there is a physical fight; like the massive one that got them in isolation for a while, and almost excluded, but that's a story for another day! Other than the constant fighting, they can actually be nice to each other occasionally. Like for example, Jeremy goes to 'Spy' for girl advice, specifically with a certain sixth former.

F. Pauling, or just Pauling as she's more commonly known, is the chosen infatuation of the two-year junior. Despite his many attempts at winning her over, she says that she just sees him as an annoying younger brother, and with how many brothers he has a lot of people see him that way.

GSCEs

Trilogy

Critical studies

Geography

Art

PE

Relationships

Jane 'Soldier' Doe: They sit next to each other in PE, so hardly any work gets done. Not to mention the fights that Jane often initiates and Jeremy often loses

?? 'Pyro' ??: This pair just often sits and draws in either the most random places in the corridor or near where the library ghosts hang out.

Tavish 'Demoman' Degroot and Mikhail 'Heavy' Ivanov: The designated 'Bonk!' suppliers. Tavish gets it for him by simply not ID-ing him when he buys it, and Mikhail gets it for him by saying it's for himself, and with how old and tall Mikhail is, it's no wonder why the cashiers don't ID him.

Ludwig 'Doc' Koch: With how often Jeremy gets injured in his fights with Jane, it's no wonder why Ludwig's most often patient is none other than Jeremy.

Mun-dee 'Mick' 'Sniper' Mundy: Two of four members of the friend group to be in yr10, however, they haven't actually talked that much.

?? 'Spy' ??: It's a complicated friendship, in fact, they're more like brothers than they are friends.

F. Pauling: Its incredibly awkward when they're alone, especially when Jeremy tries to break the silence, with an even worse flirt.

[my-lovely-writing]

Obey Me! Lucifer with an abused teen MC.

Little notes: Haha, sorry that was a bit of a hiatus! I've been struggling with, well...life. You know how it is. But I'm back because I have fictional person brain rot. If you don't want to see anything besides my hero/villain stuff, feel free to blacklist the obey me tags.

Also, I'm kinda new to the obey me! fandom, so I'm sorry if the characters are a bit off. I won't be writing about some of them until I've learned more about them.

With that said, if you have any triggers, please check the tw tags before clicking below. This is about an MC who's been abused.

Lucifer

Lucifer found it a bit strange how quickly you took to him.

He makes you do your homework before class tomorrow? No complaints. He reminds you of bedtime (which you have because nobody's allowed to stay up later than Lucifer in the house of lamentation due to the fact that there may not be one left by morning)? "Okay, no problem! I can study TSL later." (Still trying to hang out with Levi, are you?) If anything, you seem grateful for his overbearing tendencies.

Really, with the chaos of his brothers, he's a little bit weirded out by how much trouble you don't cause. Maybe you're just scared of the demons?

Yeah, that has to be it. Works for him.

Except...it doesn't.

Not when he comes in screaming at Mammon for yet another failing grade and you start trembling, face pale and legs locked from your place on the couch, as if you don't quite know whether to freeze or run.

Dammit, he needs to take care of this lest the angels see you as a hostage and another celestial war is started. Besides, Diavolo doesn't want the human exchange student terrified, he's trying to foster relations.

So, for once, Lucifer forgoes stringing Mammon up from the ceiling, much to everyone's surprise (and your and his shared relief) and instead stalks off to his office to calm down with his favorite cursed records.

Later that night, when he's sending everyone to bed, he saves you for last. "MC, please follow me to my office."

His tone is gentle, reassuring even, but you know better than to mistake it for a request. Your mind races as you follow him on shaky legs. What have you done now? Idiot!

When you reach his office, Lucifer gestures for you to sit in the armchair across from his desk. It's surprisingly comfortable as you sink into it, but you can't help feeling like you're being swallowed up. Is he going to eat you?

As he sits in the chair across from you, it doesn't seem like it. Yet.

"How are you adjusting to life in The Devildom?"

You can't figure out his game here. His face reveals little, but you get the sense that he's asking a question without asking it.

"I'm adjusting," you say simply, expecting him to drop it at that. You're just a mortal, after all.

"I asked how you are adjusting," he counters. "It must be a big shift for you."

Really, it must be, he had realized earlier in the confines of his office—he and his brothers struggled enough after the fall, but you, in your human ways, had not even realized the existence of magic or god before coming here, and now you're surrounded by demons? Not to mention that you're still a child. Lucifer doesn't like to curse, usually finding such foul language beneath him, but he doesn't know what to call it other than a mindfuck.

The Avatar of Pride's efforts to push away the tinge of guilt that accompanied said realization have been in vain. He and his brothers haven't exactly been nice to you, have they?

He's long decided to help you adjust, if only to get rid of this stubborn and unbecoming guilt, but he can't exactly do that if you won't tell him what's wrong and you're just staring at him like a gaping fish, so he doubles down. "Are you experiencing any difficulties, MC?"

Fuck, fuck, fuck—if your mind was racing before, it's moving so quickly now that it's burning into ashes that, somehow, through the magic you've just learned exists, are blown away by the wind to spell those three words.

"MC?" Lucifer repeats your name, eyes widening in that half a millimeter of concern Diavolo talks about (referencing that one chat, I forget the actual measurement and I know his eyes technically widened in surprise, but give me a break) . Is this a human thing? No demons he knows of are this...weak. It's an active effort for him to restrain his judgement as he raises his eyebrows at you which, finally, seems to prompt a response.

"P-please, I'm sorry, I'll do better! I'm sorry for whatever I did. I w-won't do it again, don't eat me!"

Well...

Suddenly he feels like an ass for judging you. Just what ideas has Mammon been putting into your head? You look like you've seen your own ghost. And again, he reminds himself, you are a weak and defenseless human child in a world of demons.

"Nobody, not even Beel, is going to eat you. As our human exchange student, I won't allow you to die before the year closes," he says, lips pulling into a frown, studying you more intently now and watching the way you squirm as he looks at you, back ramrod straight against the armchair. What is going on with you? "Why do you believe that I would eat you?"

"I, uh..." Okay, so you don't think he'll eat you, but it's never good when an adult looks at you like that. "I don't know, you seemed upset earlier and now I've been called in here, so I thought I might have screwed up somehow—not, like, arson or anything, but I thought...I thought you'd find something."

"You thought I'd find something?" Lucifer stresses the word.

"...Yes?" you say with all the hesitance of someone on death row confessing to a crime. You swear you see Lucifer's eye twitch for just a split second.

Meanwhile, Lucifer's got it. At first, he didn't really pay all that much mind when Diavolo mentioned that you come from "troubled circumstances", mostly hoping that you wouldn't be just as troubled and therefore troubling yourself, but he's starting to see that you are—just in a different way than the others.

Of course, he doesn't outright mention or address the clues he's just put together—The Avatar of Pride can tell better than anyone that you're hiding your past as well as you can, which is, admittedly, not well, but he's been persuaded to humor you.

"I am not a sadist." Okay, he is, but it's better that you not know that. He continues, "I am not looking to find something to punish you for and, while there are some things I would kill you for such as threatening my brothers, Diavolo, or the Devildom, I have no intentions of causing you harm under regular circumstances. You may get an F on your math test without fearing me or any punishment I would give you, MC."

You blink as you process the words, a little bit of the fear edging out of your body. "I can?" Your voice is tentatively hopeful.

"You can," Lucifer reaffirms, shuffling his paperwork around, if only for your benefit, as tears begin to brim in your eyes. He allows you to save face. "Go to bed. You're welcome in my office if you ever need to talk."

"Thank you," you mumble to him as you hurry from the room. You don't know what this means, but you know you're not dead and that's good enough.

The next morning, Lucifer's brothers are woken up earlier and met with a stern talk about being kind to you, accompanied by the reminder that you are a child even by human standards who is adjusting to life in literal hell and the threat of them having to adjust to hell a second time over (a punishment—Lucifer's punishment is the second hell). "We're building relations with the exchange student for Diavolo," he justifies explains.

His brothers aren't terribly thrilled with the idea of cozying up to a human, but they agree because they remember how hard the fall was for them.

Asmodeus, being the most familiar and cool with humans due to his pact with Solomon and finding your fearful, doe-like nature adorable, offers to take you out clubbing—to which Lucifer reminds him of the child thing.

Fine, fine, no clubbing. He'll pamper you instead, you certainly have enough split ends to suggest you could use a haircut.

From then on out, a new rule is established where each of the brothers, Lucifer included, have to spend time with you every so often with one or more brothers spending time with you each day of the week.

Needless to say, you're confused by the sudden kindness but you soon don't mind it, finding yourself slowly warming up to them—and, much to the shock of your ruined self-esteem, they to you.

Lucifer is pleasantly surprised and secretly grateful to find that his brothers get into less trouble with you around and, eventually, even more pleasantly surprised to find that you seem almost normal around them. You no longer eat in silence at the dinner table, refuse to meet their eyes, or cower like a puppy used to getting kicked when they raise their voices at each other (everyone has learned not to raise their voice at you, even Satan).

It's not long before Lucifer is calling you his best behaved child sibling. He even goes so far as to have everyone retake the family photo with you in it.

Is there any way he can turn you into a demon? He'd like you to be his child sibling for forever, and humans die far too quickly. As far as Lucifer's concerned, Satan has something new to research.

And it's not as though you don't seem to have some level of darkness in you. Just the other day you heard screams coming from the lower levels of Lord Diavolo's castle and followed them in spite of your fear, kind heart wanting to aid whoever was suffering.

According to Barbatos, you didn't even flinch when you found him torturing your parents, pliers still gripped around one of your dad's bloody fingernails.

Hell, you even asked to join in! (How Barbatos responded to that, I'll let you all imagine lol)

Also, Lucifer will never admit it, but he's quite possibly never felt more pride than the time you, Satan, and Belphie pranked him with a whoopie cushion on his desk chair. Normally he would have beat his brothers with it, but he could tell from the less than ideal invisibility cloak over the object that you were involved and hid a smile from prying eyes as he sat on what felt like his throne despite the ensuing fart noises.

And that's how his family of seven became eight once again.

[art-of-love-and-war]

Hi!!! This is the first time I've EVER requested anything, so I'm super excited to be asking you. Would it be OK if I could have headcannons with some of the ikevamp boys? If you're comfortable with it, could I have Arthur, Comte, Isaac and Leonardo with and mc who has ADHD? I completely understand if you don't, feel free to completely ignore me. Thank youuu 😊😊😊❤❤❤

Characters: Arthur Conan Doyle | Comte De Saint Germain | Isaac Newton | Leonardo Da Vinci x GN!Reader  Rating: General.  Word count: 819 words  Warning/s: Reader has ADHD, mentions of procrastination, hyperfocus, not enough focus. Author note: Hello! Sorry this took so long, I’ve had this on my mind for a very long time, and I even thought about doing Isaac’s route to write him more accurately but work has been killing me so I didn't get to open the DSM-V collecting dust in my shelf for this one :c

[୨୧] — Arthur Conan Doyle

There are quite some things he can understand about your symptoms. The main thing being procrastinating. 

Listen, he is a writer, and he is not perfect, and there are moments where inspiration poofs out and he is forced to stop with his writer's block, or sometimes he feels stuck in a sentence and decides to do everything except finish his next chapter, so he can empathize when you go through periods where you keep pushing certain activities until the last minute.

He still worries about your well-being, even if he is not a doctor anymore; he is curious about the treatment you had back at your time and home. 

He is sweet and understanding, despite having some pet peeves, he does his best to understand how it's something that is part of you and can work with support. And he wants to be that support.

Arthur also finds relatable the moments where you are stuck with your hyper-focus periods, and you happen to do your and Sebastian’s chores for the day on your own, though he is hurt by you mostly ignoring him those awful days when he wants nothing but to pamper you.

[୨୧] — Comte De Saint Germain

He is a wonderful and understanding man.

I can imagine him having a lot of pet peeves with people getting distracted too easily or drifting off and, part of loving you is the imperfections you embrace of each other and, they make you perfect for him as anyone. 

He is careful of the periods where you either procrastinate too much or hyper-focus too much to not exhaust yourself with the chores you take or by making you overwhelmed by taking care of the mansion and its inhabitants. 

He will listen to your weekly obsession without trouble. Do you want to tell him about 30 crow facts you learned? Tell him. Did you find a new way to make Sebas flick your forehead? He frowns. Do you want to tell him about your comfort fanfic you know by heart because you can’t read it anymore? He will listen.

If you fidget too much, and if you ask, he will get someone from his multiple contacts to make a “replica” of the fidget toys you used to have back at home.

[୨୧] — Isaac Newton

I have been seriously thinking of this since I got this ask because it seems too funny even if I haven't read his route: Consider, you don’t shut up.

Isaac strikes me as the type who wants to study in peace and quiet.

So maybe your relationship is quite a bumpy ride at first. 

What amazes him is your capability of telling him about 100 things that interested you in the span of a single week.

Your conversations flow at random, so he would often be working on his stuff to suddenly be whisked away by you to tell him about that one thing you found out about hedgehogs for 3 hours. 

Sometimes you are the cause of some of his frustrations. Last month you started knitting? He found some yarn with a texture you like and bought it as a gift, thinking you could make something for yourself.

He came back to find your knitted sweater half done and forgotten, and now you are learning how to bake. 

And it is an ongoing cycle, but he finds a bit of happiness in you trying new things, as you often drag him along, which means spending more time together.

Maybe your relationship is the answer to what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

[୨୧] — Leonardo Da Vinci

ADHD? 

Avoid tasks? Hyperfocus? Not enough focus? This man is a master at all those (and at dozing off)

He doesn’t mind you procrastinating, he has been avoiding to clean up his room for the last century, so he can’t complain. 

Now, if you forget or get distracted about other things, now that’s a different story. Did you feed Lumiere in the evening and forgot to tell him, and then he fed him that same day, and now you have a chubby cat? 

That’s funny, but no. 

Aside from that, he doesn’t have trouble with your condition; he is still a loving man. He always is and has been when it comes to loving you. 

And he likes your energy and how you keep him awake, in a sense, always making him try new things together, like dancing! Which he is not the best at, but he doesn’t mind trying your interests. 

If you take an interest in one of his multiple areas of expertise he’d definitely teach you and not be bothered if you happen to drop your interest in the activity, in fact, he invites you to try other things.

Beware, he is a strict teacher, so he doesn’t want your attention wandering off too often.

He enjoys…, grounding you, lets say. 

[prince-liest]

Re: that one anon,

You and Tzafael live rent free in my head fr, I am going insane over your fics 24/7 and have to stop myself from talking about your fic with uninterested parties who wouldn't understand why I'm so obsessed ALL THE TIME. I am cursed.

Do you have anymore interesting Tzafael lore?

-☠️

Ps. Why does art take so long I wanna post my painting already

I just hope you're half as feral about my writing as I am about the fact that you're out here being interested in my Hazbin Hotel OC, because the sound this ask prompted in me is best described as the verbal equivalent of a keyboard smash. U bring me so much joy, spirits.

Ahem!!!!! AN EXCUSE TO TALK ABOUT TZAFAEL!

@spoondrifts, who knows and has studied significantly more about the subject than me, helped me figure the name "Tzafael"! To paraphrase them: The suffix -el means "of god". The hebrew word for eyes is einayim, which in its construct state would be something like eineiel/ayneyel, roughly transliterated "tzafah." It also means to watch/observe but also to predict or foresee, so "Tzafael" could mean a witness or beholder of god.

Tzafael is younger than Lucifer and knew him only a little prior to his fall. Their relationship with him is akin to how you would see the queer uncle who got kicked out of the family because he came out when you were like ten years old and didn't really understand much, except now you're also queer, twenty-nine, have established your own life, and suddenly realized you're living in the same city. Do you reach out? Do you duck behind a corner when you see him?

They... have not technically fallen. Nobody kicked them out. There's nothing physically stopping them from returning to heaven. That said: they do not often return to heaven, and heaven puts a lot of effort into not talking about why or what, exactly, they might be doing, but surely it's better that they stay gone. Nobody wants another Lucifer situation. And it's not like that! Really. Really. They haven't officially done anything wrong. Don't say the word "rogue," not even quietly.

This does mean that their halo still works and they still receive exorcist broadcast communications, though! You'd be surprised at how far the signal goes. It makes for a very interesting tea time, and they fucking love to gossip. It comes with being the Witness.

Their cardinal sin is pride. They enjoy the fact that they're almost the heaviest hitter possible in hell purely by courtesy of being a seraph so much. They like to think they stay classy about it, but those who know them also know that the best way to get a favor from the fallen seraph is to be polite and stroke their ego.