#before my health went downhill before i lost him. before i was put in this hell program. it was beautiful

[theotherstephencobert]

Personal Inventory - What the hell happened over the last 7 years?

I have been contemplating it ever since I first became aware it was going on, and I am going to share a few insights into what I think happened. I am not sure even now that I completely understand why it happened, but maybe my putting it down into my Tumblr blog will allow me to see it in perspective.

What I'm talking about is this: I started a health, fitness and weight loss journey back in the summer of 2013. No formal diet, just get in some good exercise and eat healthy foods, lay off the fast food and carbonated drinks, make it a lifestyle change instead of a diet or a quick fix. For four years it worked: I went from a weight of 290 (almost certainly more than that before I started weighing myself weekly) to weight in the neighborhood of 215-225 lbs. I got fit enough to take bicycle trips to small towns 20-25 miles distant. In the scheme of things I added running to my journey and completed a number of sanctioned 10K's. 2017 started out as a banner year for my continued progress. And the, midway through the year, it turned downhill. My weight went up into the 220's then the 230's and then the 240's in the space of just four months. I still rode my bike and ran regularly, but all the progress I'd made with my weight loss just kept reversing itself. I found myself giving the whine of so many people in weight loss programs, "But I'm doing the same thing I've been doing for months [in my case,years], how come all of a sudden it's not working anymore???"

I had been through so much in those four years. I was enrolled in my local YMCA in 2014, and when I reported that I'd lost 45 lbs in the course of the year they did a blurb about me for their online newsletter, "Another Y Success Story". In the summer of 2015 I rode my bike to the small town of Clearwater, KS, some 17 miles from Wichita (a feat that my granddaughter Savannah was quite proud to tell her friends about). Just before Christmas of 2015 a car ran into my left leg in the Walmart parking lot; I had to take time off to heal but then got right back into the journey. Three months later a lowlife jerk ran over my left leg while getting away after robbing me of my change purse (with all of $6 in it). Again, some time to heal and then I was back in the swing of things. I rode my bikes hard and long, and rode them until they fell apart or were trashed. My response was to go buy another bike and get right back onto the road.

So what could have happened in mid 2017 that would make me lose all that progress and then eventaully put the whole journey on hiatus?

I am pretty sure this is at least part of it.

On June 2, 2017, near the end of a bike ride, my mother called me to tell me my father had died. This was the day before I had planned to run the 10K River Run, an official part of the Wichita River Festival, and (ironically) the day before what would have been Mom and Dad's 65th wedding anniversary. Dad had been in failing health, so the fact that he would die soon should not have been a surprise, but the news was still a shock to me. I told the desk clerk on duty at the hotel I manage; she was pretty good friends with my son Travis and called to tell him, and he suggested to his son Jordon that maybe Grandpa needed someone to be with tonight. So that evening Jordon joined me at the hotel and we were together that night and in the morning.

I have detailed the 2017 River Run on this blog and also on my Facebook page, and I will come clean about something here that I did not say on either site: I was wracked with guilt over the whole thing. I wrote about how Dad was very much a family man (which he was) and how I was honoring his memory by taking part in the River Run and River Festival with my grandson. The truth was, I was trying to cover up my feelings of, "My Dad is dead and my Mom just lost her husband of 65 years and I'm galavanting through downtown Wichita with my grandson playing Soccer Ball Billiards and chowing down on overpriced pizza and lemonade." I had been a notorious no-show at family get-togethers and holidays; part of that was I was so busy at the hotel that I didn't take time off for anything, but another part was Wichita is pretty near 1000 miles away from Knoxville by the preferred roads of travel and I was too broke (or too cheap) to afford the air fare or even the bus fare.

The next weekend I went to Knoxville to join my brother David and his two adult sons to visit Mom; it was the first time any of them had seen me in person since my sister Carol's wedding in 1993, and in fact David's sons were 2 and 4 years old then. A running gag was that every hour or so my phone would ring, I would look at the caller ID and roll my eyes and everyone else would laugh. The people at the hotel were blowing up my phne because it was the first time in over a decade I wasn't there to put out the fires and answer questions: "Steve, where do we keep the light bulbs for those new lamps James bought?" "Steve, this guy has a reservation for two nights but he only wants to stay one night. What do I do?" (The laughs were a lot quieter when I got a call from an irate guest at 1:30 in the morning.)

I discussed my feelings of guilt with my sister Carol later on. She confessed that, the weekend I got together with Mom she was scheduled to take her recent high school graduate daughter Rachel to Colorado to apply at the Air Force Academy (not the sort of thing you can bail on or reschedule) and she was wracked with guilt that she didn't join us to visit Mom in her time of mourning.

Anyway… In 2006 I responded to my 27-year-old daughter's death by throwing myself into my work. I was salaried then and so I worked ridiculous long hours, at least once working over 1/2 the total hours in the two-week work cycle. I was running on fumes and fighting off exhaustion. So in 2017, in response to my father's death, I made the (I see now) stupid decision to just go on with my life like nothing had happened… "life goes on" and all that.

I made the mistake of not dealing with my father's death. The problem was, I had no idea how the hell to deal with his death. What was I to do? Sit down and talk with a friend or counselor about my feelings, maybe regularly over time? Go to a rock quarry with a sledgehammer and smash a lot of rocks? I suspect (it didin't seem this way at the time but I am very good at deceiving myself) that I self-medicated with food a lot more than I realized. Remember that "whine" I mentioned at the end of the second paragraph of this post? Truth was I was slipping back into my old habits of eating at fast food places and hydrating with fizz.

My father's death was just the start: Two years later my mother died, almost two years to the day of Dad's passing. I got the call from Carol the morning of July 1 as I was preparing to run the 2019 River Run 10K.) Of course 2020 was the year that damn COVID-19 shut down the world. Then in October of 2021 my ex-wife Teresa (with whom I'd been on good terms since our divorce) died of COVID. And then in February of 2022 my son Travis joined his sister and mother in death. I'd like to say he died of liver failure, but the plain truth is he died of too much whiskey. (As his mom's next of kin he had to tell the hospital not to resuscitate Teresa, and even though that was what his mother had told him her wishes were, he was despondent with guilt over it and medicated with alcohol.)

I was still exercising with the bicycle, but in the time after Mom's passing my weight climbed into the 250's and then into the 260's to 270's where they stayed for a couple of years. Then in mid 2022 my weight went over 280, was consistently there until the start of September when I for some reasom lost interest in recording my weight anymore.

It's been a year and a half since then. My bicycle had two flat tires and a rusted out drive train. My finances (or maybe I should say my priorities) wouldm't allow me to get another bike until just recently. My weight is now in the mid 260's… maybe I did something right between the Fall of 2022 and now.

But I still have to ask: Was the death of my father, and the deaths of other family members, the real reason my health and fitness journey was sidetracked? And if it was, have I REALLY dealt with it? Or like a chiming electric clock that no one replaces the batteries to, has the issue just grown fainter and fainter with time 'til it's at the point I just don't notice it now?

To anyone who took the time to read all of this: I welcome any insights or advice into what might really be going on here and how I might effectively deal with it.

[dinosaurtsukki]

more random bsd hc’s that exist in my head

a/n: obviously can’t get enough of these so have some more. also this will be centered on the guild, the doa and the hunting dogs

check out pt. 1 here

fitzgerald likes being the ‘good boss’ to do the guild members and saying all those stereotypical ‘we’re not just an organization, we’re a family’ lines

will 100% host company dinners at least once a week and steinbeck hates them but fitzgerald’s like ‘if you don’t come, you’re fired :D’

louisa writes an entire strategy for how she’s going to maneuver these dinners because she’s anxious also she knows that there’s a good chance things won’t go super well

and she’s right because they’re DISASTROUS and everything went downhill right after lovecraft ate an entire chicken leg, bones and all, with everyone just staring in horror

mark slingshots mashed potatoes at lucy when she’s not looking so she drags them both off to anne’s room and returns with mark shaking and rocking back and forth

poe isn’t touching anything while karl is eating enough for the two of them and melville is just sitting there, smoking,,,

nathaniel and mitchell are probs the only normal people there

fitzgerald is oblivious to the disaster and is just like ‘isn’t this nice? us eating together?’ 

and then steinbeck looks him dead in the eye and goes ‘i’d rather eat the rich’

*cue kill bill sirens*

louisa prays to god that there won’t be another company dinner but after a week all of them are gathered at a table again for even more chaos to ensue

mark twain is ofc the resident prankster and he LOVES to mess with nathaniel by stealing his glasses or putting his bible in jell-o

okay but one time he sent steinbeck a ‘monopoly’ board game with ‘from fitzgerald’ written on it and more chaos ensued and twain had to eventually turn himself in

lovecraft sleeps in a full bathtub of water and it looks creepy but he’ll literally sleep forever so everyone in the guild takes turns waking up because none of them want to

now let’s move on to the decay of angels (ok this is mostly fyodor, gogol, and sigma cause i have favorites)

before sigma became the manager of the sky casino he was mostly with fyodor and gogol and he can already say he’s spent more time with them than he would like

fyodor was always busy working on his plans so it was up to gogol to give sigma an education on well, the normal life

the thing is gogol does slip in some lies every now and then like how everyone normally wears crocs so sigma just stops believing him altogether

he ends up educating himself by watching documentaries and... REALITY TV SHOWS

eventually he learns that reality tv shows are very far from reality but sigma just can’t get enough of the bachelorette and still watches when he has days off

gogol sometimes forgets to keep track of the things he stores in his cape. one time fyodor asked if he had brought the USB of info he needed and gogol ended up pulling a twenty-meter scarf, a few balloons, a yoga mat, and a ‘number one boss’ mug that he was supposed to give him

fyodor barely takes care of his health so he takes a lot of vitamins and supplements (especially iron ones) but he just fucking dry-swallows a whole bunch of those pills 

like, man doesn’t have the time when he’s busy hacking into a secret government organization

gogol’s just watching fyodor dry-swallow five capsules with a FULL GLASS OF WATER IN HIS HANDS that he’s ABOUT TO GIVE TO HIM

gogol: wow! you must have a really moist and wide throat dos-kun! 

fyodor: *swallowing experimentally* yeah, i guess it is quite moist

sigma, watching the entire thing: please stop this conversation

hunting dogs tiiiime !! (none for fukuchi tho cause i don’t like him :P)

i feel like they all stay in a dorm together (except for tachihara when he’s on missions) and it’s quite chaotic 

the kitchen always smells really funky because of tecchou’s cooking of course that teruko and jouno end up ordering take-out a lot 

whenever tachihara comes the four of them play mahjong a lot (because it’s something jouno can play) but tecchou always forgets the rules

although jouno always wins so they make him wear earplugs to level out the playing field a bit

teruko eats a lot, like A LOT. sometimes they just go out and find a restaurant that does these ‘eat 20 bowls of ramen and win x’ for her meal 

because of that she wins quite a lot of random things that she doesn’t really need like huge plushies or spa coupons but she keeps them as trophies

tecchou is actually really good at pool, like with hitting the balls right where he wants them too, but he doesn’t understand the rules

he keeps trying to hit all the balls into all the holes which frustrates jouno so much 

jouno likes listening to horror podcasts and he always has such a peaceful expression on his face while listening to voice actors screaming their heads off

it’s,,, quite a surprise for everyone when he accidentally connects to the bluetooth speaker downstairs

before tachihara went undercover for the mafia he spent a bunch of time binge-watching mafia movies with everyone to try and study how he should act around the mafia members

he also thought teruko was a lost child when he first joined the hunting dogs and nobody corrected him because it was too funny

▸ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ◂

taglist (check out my post for details on being part of my taglist): @waitforitillwritemywayout @atsumu-brainrot​ @laure-chan @goodfoodxoxoxo ​ @guardianangelswings @ah-kaashi @amberalisa @whootwhoot​ 

[ateezinmymind]

The Answer

Mingi x reader

Angst, fluff ending

tw: mentions and views of self harm, depressive symptoms, long distance relationship, foul language, hospitalization, overdose, kinda cliche — please don’t read if sensitive <3 stay safe

~hopelessly holding on for life, he was the answer

>My dear Mingi, I’m sorry it’s been so long... some things are going on. I don’t want to scare you, I miss and love you so much. I’m waiting.. waiting for you to come home to me. I’m falling out of control, I don’t know what’s to come, but I will fight hard for you... to see you, hopefully soon<

Folding the letter back into its envelope, Mingi looks out the window. Watching the waves crash against the rocks and spray the air with mist, the gray sky do no part in comfort. Sighing out with exhaustion he stands up from his creaking chair, away from the stack of letters sent in from you. It’s been two months since you’ve last seen each other. Two months and he hasn’t felt you. Two months that you’ve been alone and crumbling.

The struggles you’re going through he reads, affected him as well. Looking back to his littered desk, he walks back to reread one particular letter sent 2 weeks ago.

>Mingi, I’m sorry, I messed up bad. Do you remember when I talked about staying safe? I’m so sorry. Mingi please forgive me. I’ll do better. Please don’t leave me, I’ll fix it. Please just don’t hate me. I miss you, I can’t help myself. What I feel is getting worse and worse. I miss you more everyday, and I can’t help but feel I’m making you drift further away from me...I love you<

Wiping his face of warm tears, Mingi slams his fists into the desk. “Fucking hell y/n, why” buckling to the floor he sobs out in agony. He needed you to hang on for just a little longer, just a little more and he’d get you. Blaming himself for the fact you’re hurting made him feel broken..why did you do this. Why did you think he was going to leave? Never had he thought of running away from this. He loved you then and loves you still..but he can’t do anything to save you.

———

It’s so gray, the sky. The roses Mingi gave you the last day you saw him, are now all dried up and falling apart from the touch. Getting off the bed, making your way into the bathroom turning on the luminescent light bringing a stare to yourself. Putting your arm down, you wince in discomfort. The tears pricking your eyes before now threaten to leave their hiding.

Using one arm you pull off your shirt, up and over your head, bringing your gaze to the littered scars on your skin. “What the fuck have I done…” crying out loud, you look away from the mirror and down to your arm. Droplets of tears falling onto the flesh. You were hopelessly holding on, pretending this would bring him back sooner.

Turning on the shower, you sit on the toilet seat waiting for it to warm up. Was Mingi going to come back to you? Is what he writes in his letters what he really feels? Is this all a joke? Pulling yourself up you get rid of your bottoms and get in the water. Hoping all this would wash away

———

Mingi thought sending letters to each other would be better for you..to be a way to distract you from the negative aspects you might be troubled from. Things always went downhill when he had to go, no matter how hard you both tried it just happened. But by far this is the furthest you’ve gone. The furthest you’ve done to try and bring him back sooner. Mingi was breaking himself over it..

The meer fact you needed him for happiness, made him feel drained. His health became worse and worse as yours did..meals tasted like a flavorless paste, he couldn’t focus on his work. He was sleeping less and less, thinking on and on of what you’ll do next. And how bad it’ll be, praying you weren’t going to do something terribly stupid and regretful.

During your nights, waking up with urges for a distraction either ended with pain coursing through your arms or pain through words to send away. Writing the letters, the letters full of darkness that was overwhelming at times did nothing but worsen your feelings. Maybe it was rereading your sick words, making you feel more helpless and weak. Why would Mingi even want to stay with you, why would anyone love someone who was losing themselves? You couldn’t help but ponder the hope for help..was this capable of healing?

———

~4 months~

>My love, y/n..I’m writing this letter to you with my heart. I understand you haven’t written me back in awhile, I’m praying you’re feeling well. Things have been rocky over here, but I see the end. Y/n, the end of this is coming, happiness is coming. There’s been talk around, and it’s a possibility that I’ll be able to move back. Isn’t that wonderful?! I miss you very much. My favorite flower, you are the love of my life. Sending these with this letter to give you a reminder for the times you aren’t able to realize your worth. Please take care..I’ll see you soon<

Mingi had sent that 3 weeks ago and things were numb..you couldn’t find the strength to write him back. Pulling the jewelry out of the envelope, the rose charm dangling with its ruby glow, you fall into your bed holding it close to your heart. “Why is love so hard?” Closing your eyes, hoping to release this exhaustion just for awhile..head pounding you can’t find a break. Opening your eyes, your body beams straight to your bathroom..controlling itself you reach for the prescribed medication sent in by someone you don’t even remember. You don’t remember who they were, you were forgetting who you were. Nothing felt right, waves kept crashing into you..but there was no help from drowning. And the next thing you knew the tide washes it’s darkness over you.

———

“Y/n I think you are being silly, I love you more..there’s actually no way you can have love more than mine”

“You are the silly one to say such things, you know it too Mingi.. everyone knows it, my love for you is indescribable”

Scoffing out in disagreement, the both of you lean into each other’s embrace. Mingi wrapping his arms around your frame, fills you with warmth and safety. You have him, Mingi, he’s yours. Here. Now. Don’t waste it.

Then just outside the window, the crashing waves rise once again..and you remember, Mingi isn’t with you.. none of this is real. Was his love even real? Did you make it all up for a distraction? It’s too late. The ocean crashes through the window and fills the room with it’s cold water. Knocking you down, screaming, squirming, you kick for air. Clutching your neck, scratching for the feeling of the wind to fill your lungs—

———

“Y/n!!”

Jerking awake, eyes dart around the white ceiling tiles. The smell of sanitation and the sound of beeping fill you with stress. What happened? So many questions race your mind..but are all driven away when a squeeze comes to your hand.

“Y/n??”

Looking forward, it’s Mingi..he’s here. With you. Not sure what happened, not sure if this is even real. Tears streaming down his face erupt your own. “Y/n, I thought I lost you..” choking out Mingi throws himself into you. Shaking your frame with his involuntary sobs, everything is moving so fast. All slows when you wrap around him. Time stops, right here, right now all is okay. You’re okay, you’re going to be okay. Mingi is here. Now you know the truth, anything could happen. But you know it’s going to be okay.

“Y/n you scared me so much..w-when I saw you.. I thought you were gone. I thought you weren’t coming back to m-me” releasing you, he looks at you with his tired, puffy and red eyes.

“You look terrible”

Apart from your croaking voice, you bring a smile upon your wet face. Making Mingi burst out in a crying laugh

“You’re back”

———

Holding each other’s hands, opening the front door to your apartment you see everything is cleaned. Different from what you thought before, when Mingi turned on the light, it wasn’t as aggressive as you remembered. Entering the room, the smell of line-dried linens with hints of fresh fruit and spring fill your nose. It’s comforting, this is the comfort of your home..why didn’t you realize it before?

You’ve been so hidden away in your own mind, that the blessings around you weren’t meeting you. How come Mingi brought this all back? How come you only realized this when he’s here?

“I brought you fresh roses y/n, but this time there here because I’m staying. I won’t be leaving again” wrapping his arms around your body, you melt into his chest. “I promise”

Standing there in each other’s embrace you break the silence, “Mingi, do you think I’m a freak?” Breaking away, you look into his eyes. His expression confused and shocked, lifting his hands to cup your face Mingi leans in and places his forehead to yours. “Y/n” seeing the corners of his mouth twitch and his bottom lip wobble, you close your eyes and bring your hands over his. “I would never think of you as something that you’re not even capable of being.” Feeling his lips land on yours, so soft, like a pillow, comforting and right. Kissing him back, you two dance with love.

“You aren’t a freak” letting go of your face and reaching down to your arms. Pulling your sleeves up, feeling the rigid bumps over your skin. He soothingly rubs his thumbs over the marks and kisses you again. “You’re so strong, and you just were in need of direction” folding your sleeves back down he continues, “you were just a bit lost, but it’s okay...because you found the answer y/n...and there’s no need for your pain any longer”

Pulling you towards your bedroom, he picks you up and lays you on the bed. “I’m with you forever...my love, there will be no more worry”

———

He needed to remind you every time available, that you were his life. If you were gone, so was he. Mingi didn’t ever want to think about you laying there lifeless on the bathroom tiles again, his heart stopped..

He was your answer, but you were his life. You were the oxygen he breathed.

You two were meant to be each other’s source of completion.. and together you two knew things would be okay..

[ivanabaqero]

Since I just returned from rehab, here is my.. idk, emotional journey on my chronic illness + mental health or wtf ever u wanna call this. This is the most personal thing I have ever posted but I need to get it out. 

Before you read, I guess I gotta tw this for suicidal thoughts and descriptions of my symptoms.

I don’t even know where to start. It feels like all of this happened in one week and at the same in a span of several years. But no idea, time just kept passing and more shit happened. 

Last summer was pretty cool. I worked hard and made a fuckton of money - not really considering the consequences of the fact that I overstepped the boundaries of my body every single day. Either way, I regret nothing it was pretty cool and another experience I am glad I could make. Well, but when I came back home, I started to notice a few things. Among some weird shit nobody wants to know about, I noticed a change of my eyesight. There was a cloud right on the vision on my left eye and it got blurry. At first, it started with minutes and then it passed. But I knew my body responded to exhaustion in an odd way so I let it slide. As doctors have instructed me, only when it lasts over 24 hours it’s an actual episode/flare and I should go to the ER -- to elaborate this further, I have been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2015 and have not had any bigger flares since, only the regular symptoms like fatigue, etc.

 I got treated with the regular medication; cortisone. This shit gave me some energy boost for a few days and then, things went back to somewhat normal. The blurry thing in my eye has changed into a weird ass thing called nystagmus. Basically, my eyeball was twitching. It was better than the blurry sight and my doctors told me that physical therapy was the only thing to help me with that, and up until some weeks ago this didn’t stop, at the moment it’s gotten way better though - a relief because that caused me mad headache and made reading really difficult.

Anyway, that was the smaller problem. A few months later, in December around Christmas, I have gotten really weak and have been constantly dizzy. As usual, I let it slide for some days. Up until that point when I couldn’t move from the bed or look at anything else but right up at the ceiling or I would get fucking dizzy. Back to the ER again, the same procedure began. Cortisone  resulted in a massive push of energy that lasted for some days, but after that, all the symptoms slowly returned. Not only that, but it started to get worse. I have been dragging and limping with my left foot since months but I still managed somehow to walk and get around. In January I had a major panic attack when I noticed that I couldn’t walk on my own to my doctors, which is merely an 8 minute walk away. I had to call my mom to bring me back home because I couldn’t go any step more. My doctor sent me to the ER but the next day, I decided that I was fine and being over dramatic and everything was perfectly fine. The whole thing kept getting worse, I could not walk anymore, I kept feeling dizzy all the time unless I was staring at only one spot: my laptop or phone. So that was what I did, ignore my symptoms. Adding to my chronic fatigue, dizziness, inability to walk and my eye problem, a sensitivity problem spread all over my body from the chest downwards. My hands hurt and my fingers cramped up and got stiff, I lost all feeling in my feet. I had an appointment at the neurologist thank god, or else, I would have let it gotten worse and kept telling myself that I am being over dramatic and nothing is actually wrong. Delusional? Maybe. I don’t understand myself there either.

The neurologist decided to keep me in hospital for a whole ass week, getting cortisone every day. I got in there with the ambulance in a wheelchair and left out of there walking again. Not perfectly, but I thought things were looking up. Of course, once the high dose of steroids begins to wear off and you slowly come down from it, you first catch sleep. Steroids this time have been given to me five days in high dose instead of three and in addition, I had to take pills that I had to reduce slowly over another two weeks. I did not sleep in those three weeks more than 3-4 hours per night and then I finally could. To make this more understandable; my brain was tired but my body was buzzing. I also had a tremor that has still not entirely left me as a wonderful side effect from the medication. 

That time stationary they finally put me back in a MRT and found 2 bigger new lesions. One of them in my cerebellum and the other in my spinal cord. Each of them causing me all those massive problems. Back at home I had physical therapy every day, but despite all of it, I had to rely on a wheelchair. I got my wheelchair in march and named him Otto because he is the best man ever. Next time in hospital, I was mentally and physically just fucking done and tried to just ignore how much my mental health was going downhill along with my body, the neurologist offered me stationary rehab at a very well known center where they treat several physical as well as mental illnesses. I said yes, and luckily got a place in July.

The initial plan was to stay there for four weeks, but the doctors suggested to extend to six. I did. And good that I did. I made slow progress. Very slow. To imagine, in twenty minutes at the first day I could barely walk 130m with four  breaks in between, with walking aid and what not - and my last day I made 640m in the same time with no breaks. I know this doesn’t sound like a lot but fuck -- I made it out of a fucking wheelchair. I am walking again. Not perfectly or any good, but my legs are used for their purpose again; to get me through this world. For someone who loves hiking and going for little walks alone, this was such a big deal to just not be able to anymore. 

The day I had the panic attack was the day I realized that in 2015 I made a promise to myself that if I ever have to rely on other people, I would end it. But I felt selfish for not wanting to end it. I felt selfish  for wanting to live and being a burden to people. I know, none of this is my fault and I am the first to give good advice, but am I good at handling my own shit? Absolutely not. 

With all the physical therapy I did for six weeks every day, I also had a psychologist that helped me understand myself better and deal with the trauma this experience brought me. I have to find another psychologist at home as well, because I didn’t feel the one I have helped me at all. I had to make a lot of promises to myself, such as accepting and asking for help and that it’s no shame in doing so. I feared losing my independence and I still do. But fuck, this experience was an eye opener in so many ways. I made new friends in rehab as well, which was one of the coolest things. And I got hit on by two attractive men - can you believe? I was in a wheelchair, dressed like absolute shit and not making any kind of deal of how I look! But yeah, my interest wasn’t really there to get involved in anything. I’ve got a lot of love to give but I need to give it to myself rather than pour it out on someone else.

I learned so many lessons, about my body and about my mind. My brain is an idiot and I have so many fears I was never even able to see until now. I thought optimism could beat everything and well... while it helps me a lot to get through every day life, every now and then I just need a slap in the face to look at things in another light. Not everything is fine if you tell yourself it is, no, you are not over reacting and you are allowed to feel sorry for yourself when life is dealing you a bad card. It doesn’t matter that other people have it worse -- it doesn’t mean your own shit is any less valid. And with that, I am going to wash my face and stop crying. I am still in a shock of reality state because I am  back at home now and everything is different. And I got to admit, I feel a little lonely. But I don’t want to reach out to my old friends at the moment with whom I felt like the “sick friend”. I want more friends in similar positions as me so I don’t have to feel bad for... well, feeling bad, and I don’t want to hear any more optimism monologues from healthy people who have absolutely no idea what it is like to have chronic pain, fatigue and overall; an illness. Whether it be mental or physical.

If you really read all of this, thank you. There was no need to, but I appreciate it. I honestly just needed to let it out. Because I haven’t done so properly since all of that started. 

[sorry-i-ship-drarry]

15. Nobody can ever be you

No warning implied| unedited | Draco returns after rehab and therapy

" harry relax, he must've got out late alright. He might be here any second " Hermione comforted harry

" here breathe with me " Hermione encouraged him. Harry copied her breathing exercise, breathing on and exhaling out quite rapidly than her. Draco was late, he was supposed to come back 15 minutes ago but he wasn't yet here. It was not a big deal but harry was beyond worried.

" what if he doesn't like all of this ?" Harry asked biting his fingernails.

" I'm sure he'll love it harry. Stress isn't good for your health " Luna gave him a charming smile rubbing her palm on his back and just then they heart the lock twisting.

" hide " Hermione immediately whispered and everyone got in position, including harry.

The door finally opened and they heard someone walk in with some stuff.

" welcome back " everyone cheered as soon as they saw Draco turning on the lights. He immediately hit the back wall, all of his thing's dropping in the ground and splattered across. His face looked like he had seen a ghost.

" Merlin's fuck, you all scared the living death out of me " draco put a hand over his heart, his erratic breathing coming back to normal.

" we didn't mean to do that but surprise are supposed to give you tiny bit of a shock " pansy chuckled as they all gathered around draco who gave them a warm smile and started hugging everyone. When he came to harry, he hugged him the longest " glad to have you back " harry mumbled in the hug.

" we didn't mean to do that but surprise are supposed to give you tiny bit of a shock " pansy chuckled as they all gathered around draco who gave them a warm smile and started hugging everyone. When he came to harry, he hugged him the longest " glad to have you back " harry mumbled in the hug" we didn't mean to do that but surprise are supposed to give you tiny bit of a shock " pansy chuckled as they all gathered around draco who gave them a warm smile and started hugging everyone. When he came to harry, he hugged him the longest " glad to have you back " harry mumbled in the hug

" I'm glad to be back too " draco had replied and soon they both seperated.

" this is amazing " draco grinned.

" why thank you " Hermione smiled and they all soon broke into chatter about everything about the surprise come back party. Draco had been gone for 2 months for rehab and therapy. He assumed that after war things would slightly fall to normal but it went further downhill than it went during the war. His father was sent to azkaban, his mother put under probation for 2 year, he had to present for trials and testify only resulting in him under probation for 4 months but it came with so many problems, he had lost not only his manor but his family, respect and reputation. Wherever he went he was given so much hate that it took a toll on his conditions that draco turned to excessive drinking after recurring nightmares. It was about 6 months into his addiction when he met harry and 4 months of being friends with him when harry and everyone else insisting him to go to rehab and therapy. Wanting to get rid of his addictive habits, he did. The only problem was during his 2 months of rehab and therapy, he had met with nobody and seeing everyone here just made him well up.

Somebody must've helped draco put his stuff back into the room since harry got busy in the kitchen with Hermione and Luna for the food of the party while everyone outside just had their gala time outside, who weren't much people but a couple of their common friends, none out of the group.

" what's the conversation here about ?" Hermione asked as she happily put the trays down along with Luna and harry.

" everything really. I can't believe how much had changed in 2 months, I mean pansy in a serious relationship. My, my " draco laughed.

" think I liked you better in the rehab" pansy rolled off her eyes. Laughing with everyone harry plopped down in front of the sofa while Hermione and Luna sat down on the bean bag.

" she's not the only one " Luna gave a suggestive smile

" Ginny ?" Draco asked almost shocked

" uh huh " Luna grinned as she sipped on her drink.

" wow. This feels great you know. Everything. I am so thankful for everything you guys and for filling me in " draco smiled fondly at everyone.

" to us " Ron raised his glass, other's joining along echoing " to us"

The party faded into music and talking and watching movie when everyone grew tired and just laid there in the living room laughing about something every once in a while.

" now that you're out of rehab, do you think you will get back into the whole dating thing ?" Blaise curiously asked, his legs sprawled across over Ron's.

" actually " draco suddenly sat stiff, everyone looking at him attentively " in the last week of rehab somebody asked me out and I said yes so I think I'm already in the dating thing "

Everyone's eyes widened with surprise and suddenly pansy hooted " my boy is back in the game " they all fell into laughter. However suddenly harry was crouching further into himself, his legs pressed against his chest as he heard everyone talking about draco and the guy he had apparently agreed to go out with, which is in fact the reason why he was late, he had to drop him off at his place as a nice gesture. He felt the strange contraction pulling his Insides.

" mate, you good ?" Ron asked. Harry raised his eyebrows as if he was suddenly bought back into the moment.

" oh yeah, I'm good. Bit tired that's all" harry replied and gulped his drink and got up to go into the kitchen.

He was running his hands through his hair breathing shallow when Luna has joined him.

" I'm sorry harry" she gave him a sympathetic smile and rubbed his back slightly.

" what's going on ?" Draco had suddenly entered the Kitchen with empty trays

" oh nothing. We were just talking " harry replied. Luna immediately retracted her hands from Harry's back and gave draco a firm smile and offering harry a sweet smile before she exited.

" you don't sem so fine" it more of a statement than anything else

" just a little bit tired. Fresh air " harry curtly said before exiting the kitchen too, earning a frown from draco.

That night harry had abandoned his plans he spent the last one month planning on about staying longer than usual and finally confessing how he felt about draco but it struck harry that draco had never felt the same way harry did. Disappointed and embarrassed in himself he decided to never bring it up.

What harry hadn't expected was that he'd ignore draco so much that it was very noticeable. He didn't wanted to do it but it was Hermione's suggestion that if he might maintain distance, his feelings would soon fade away, which he desperately wanted but instead of fading, it was starting to make him more angry, jealous even Because apparently that guy was somehow the only thing he talked about. Harry would get the strong urge to roll his eyes and make Draco shut up about the guy but out of decency he never did. It was maybe him deciding a better option for moving on.

But as said, it was inevitable that draco didn't notice Harry's strange behaviour. They had barely talked ever since he had came back from the rehab and it was slowly killing draco because they used to be so close and now they didn't spent more than 30 minutes in the entire week, he even spent more time with Ron than harry. And to make it worse after draco had introduced everyone to Damian, harry was the one who took it the worst, he barely even conversed with the man he liked and it seemed as if so harry wasn't happy that draco had started dating. Angry with both the situation and harry, he barged into his flat one evening while harry was watching tv lazily.

" draco " harry stood up confused, turning off the television

" we need to talk " draco said sternly.

" I - I have somewhere to be in - well 20 minutes " harry said looking at the clock on the wall

" don't you dare lie to me harry potter " draco firmly pointed his forefinger at harry

Taken a back harry tried again " but I'm not lying "

" you are. That's all you've been doing since the time I've came back. Ginny ratted you out" draco threw his hands in the air. Harry could've said anything but caught in the lie he remained shut

" I need to know harry, what's wrong ?" Draco desperately said.

" nothing's wrong-"

" yeah if nothing's wrong then why have you been avoiding me all this time ? Is it because you're not happy I returned because if you are I'd cut -"

" Merlin no, fuck I'm so glad you're back. Why would you even think that " Harry's voice laced with concern as he eliminated some distance between them.

" then what is wrong? I deserve to know it. From the day I've returned you've barely spoken to me about anything and I can't stand that. We were so good before I went away but 2 months is all it took for you to forget what's it's like being friends with me-"

" what- no -"

" then what is it ? Please tell me, so I can fix it" draco desperately said.

Harry was crushed to hear the desperation in his voice, he was hurt, he looked like he was hurt by it more than he could've ever imagined it and it killed harry to know that he was the one hurting him " i- there's nothing to fix draco -"

"oh " draco whispered

" what no. No not in that way. Fuck I've made it worse. There's nothing like what you're imagining. I've- I've Just maintained some distance to figure things out alright. I wanted to talk to you after the party but I couldn't okay "

" why? What sort of things ?" Draco asked as he stepped closer

Harry's heart suddenly beat much faster than it had before. He wondered if Draco could hear it because he definitely could his heart frantic heart beat but seeing draco's expression he knew he didn't. How could he not, it was beating so loudly ?

" i- look- I don't when or how I started but i- I've been having sort of feelings for you. Maybe it was more because you were away and I didn't see you at all but when you came in and told about the guy from rehab, I figured you never felt that way and I just needed some time to let it die out you know. I swear these feelings will surely go away but I would just need some time and I wanted to talk to you about this the night you returned but you see I couldn't. I - I just, it's just a smal crush I'm sure. I hope it doesn't make anything awkward " harry explained feeling extremely out of control and stressed. Was it even possible for Harry's heart to beat this loud ?

" oh " draco's voice came out to small that it almost crushed harry. Maybe draco was disappointed or he didn't see it coming or that he definitely feel that way about him.

" I've screwed this up, haven't I. gosh I'm an arse-"

" no harry. It's fine. Just I never knew that.. I'm sorry- I should've just never barged in and everything- if I had only known " draco opened his mouth, maybe to say something but he closed it again.

" I'm sorry too. Hope this doesn't make things awkward for us. I know it'll all eventually go away, you're with Damian and everything so " harry rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

" oh- no no. I'm- yeah- I think I'll go " draco suddenly said

" what ?"

" I think I need a little bit of time to process all of it you know but I'm sure we'll be fine, right ?" Draco asked

" of course "

" do you mind then ? I'll- maybe we can talk later. This is just a little overwhelming you know " draco explained as he took a few steps back.

Harry was concerned but much more confused. He had no idea what he should've said or done but before he could've even acted upon, draco had already bid his goodbyes and ran, literally ran leaving a confused harry.. if not confused, he was sure he had screwed up so bad that draco wouldn't wanna see him for a while now.

Harry was still beyond concerned with draco's behaviour that he had called him almost 13 times, only to cut it within a few seconds and sitting down and standing up every five seconds. He was anything but fine and draco's absence didn't help at all. Ever since draco left his place hours ago, he was nowhere to be seen and nobody knew it and it didn't help Harry's worries at all.

Losing all hopes by 10 in the night, harry decided he'd go back to his place tomorrow and talk it out, possibly figure out a way to be together with each other without making it awkward but suddenly then his bell rang.

" draco " harry said confused for the second time in the day. But before he could've even allowed him in, he had barged in, shut the door behind him and immediately pressed his lips against harry's. At first harry was taken a back by the sudden kiss but soon dissolved in the moment, tip toeing to get more closer and wrapping his hands around Draco's neck. Harry had spent month's imagining how draco would taste like or how he would feel if he ever kissed him but it was all far from anything he had ever expected to feel like. He felt like he was on cloud nine, and how could someone taste so good and above all how Could someone kiss so passionately yet so tenderly. There was depth, something so addictive about the way draco kissed harry like he was conveying a message in that kiss which only fueled everything but they had both ran out of breath and unfortunately had to separate for air.

" wow "

" yeah " draco mumbled against his lips..

" took you 3 weeks after my come back to finally confess " draco mumbled again, not dropping his hands from Harry's waist and his forehead still pressed against harry's.

" actually months " harry whispered

" I'm finally glad you did " draco replied

" what about Damian ?" He asked

" I broke up with him. He could never be you, Nobody can " draco smirked

Biting his bottom lip, harry said " kiss me you fool "

" gladly " and draco kissed the boy he had been in love with since he was 18.

To be edited

Requests open

Day 14- a promise of forever | Day 16- sinful dreams

[ga-yuu]

~Kurama~Main Story Chapter 4~

Chapter 3

*

*

*

----Part 1----

Kurama: "Nonsense. Strength is a gift. The strong are born strong and are a threat to the weak. Take it on a whim and eat it to the bone without a second glance. That's the way it is."

Yoshino: "I don't know about that. Isn't it true that those who are strong in the now, were once weak?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. I'm not a person who gives up....(+4/+4)

2. If I don't believe in the possibility....

3. Just because I was born weak...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yoshino: "I'm not a person who gives up...."

Kurama: "You can't just chalk it up by saying 'I won't give up’. .....It's the fact."

A strong wind blew as Kurama spreads his wings.

I closed my eyes tightly, and the next minute when I opened it, Kurama was already high up in the sky.

(He's gone.)

Yoshino: "Well, now that we've declared war, it's time to get stronger."

..........................

(Phew, that took quite a while.)

As I hurried downhill to return back to the Imperial Palace.....

Shigehira: "....! Yoshino-san!"

Morinaga: "You look fine! We were worried."

Yoshino: "Shigehira-san, Morinaga-san!"

Feeling relieved, I ran up to them.

Yoshino: "Thank you for coming to pick me up."

Morinaga: "......!"

(Um?)

Morinaga: "No, nothing. That's right! We were here to pick you up."

Yoshino: "Well, actually..."

(That's right. They would feel doubtful that I already knew they were looking for me.)

Shigehira: "Just so you know, I wasn't in the mood to search for you or anything... I just didn't want you to cause problems for being so vague..."

Morinaga: "Says the guy who came to me panicking saying that 'Yoshino-san is missing. This is a big deal."

Shigehira: "No..I..."

(? really?)

Yoshino: "Thank you so much, both of you..."

Shigehira-san's white cheeks flushed slightly.

Shigehira: "I mean, I heard you went to pick some herbs, but looks like you didn’t get any. But that doesn’t mean you should disturb the rest of us by being late!”

(Ah....Maybe they found the basket I threw at the demon in the forest when it chased me.)

Yoshino: "Actually, a lot of things happened..."

Morinaga: "What do you mean?"

I told them about the demon that chased me and Kurama, who rescued me.

Shigehira: "Ngh....... You really do love getting into trouble, huh?"

Yoshino: "Sorry."

Morinaga: "Calm down, Shigehira. After all, Yoshino is safe. That's more important."

Hands were placed on either side of my shoulders melts my heart with warmth.

Shigehira: "I'll tell you what. .......we’re getting late."

Yoshino: "....Yes."

Shigehira-san's distant concern was also clearer this time.

Morinaga: "Let's go back first. You can tell the rest of the story on the way."

................

In the evening of that day, at the Imperial Palace....

Yoritomo: "Thanks for coming back before dinner."

After my report of the morning incident, the second meeting of the day was held in secret.

Yoritomo: "Report back to me with the results."

Morinaga: "Yes. We sent out a search party but as expected, Kurama seems to have left Kamakura far behind."

(Just as he said.)

Even though he was saved, Morinaga-san and Shigehira-san had already reported that I had tried to hide Kurama from them.

I felt guilty and looked down gently.

Tamamo: "As for the demon that attacked Yoshino, I went to the scene to check it out, but the signs were already gone."

-----Part 2-----

Tamamo: "As for the demon that attacked Yoshino, I went to the scene to check it out, but the signs were already gone. It seems to have been a demon powerful enough to do harm to humans. In front of Kurama, he would have had to be blown away without a shred of his soul."

Kagetoki: "We have investigated the area and there have been no reports of any suspicious damage."

Yoshino: "If there was a demon, like that, someone would have noticed..."

Shigehira: ".....I wonder if it's a recent inhabitant."

Tamamo: "I can't be sure about that."

Yoritomo: "Continue to survey the land on a regular basis. I'd like to think this whole fiasco was just a coincidence, but we don't have enough to go on."

Kagetoki: "Yes, sir."

Yoritomo: "Yoshino."

Yoshino: "Yes."

I'm going to be reprimanded for my carelessness---I'm ready for that.

Yoritomo: "Well done."

Yoshino: "Eh?"

Yoritomo: "It was only by your cleverness that you were able to run into Kurama and come back safely."

(Huh....)

Yoshino: "I was just overlooked because I was weak."

Tamamo: "Still, one wrong choice and you would not be here. If he had raised his voice at the sight of Morinaga or Shigehira, blood would have flowed without question."

Morinaga-san and Shigehira-san also looked at me warmly.

Tamamo: "It would have been better if I had gone with her. I'm sorry I put you in danger, Yoshino."

(Tamamo...)

Yoritomo: "What do you think about Yoshino, Kagetoki?"

Kagetoki: "......."

I tense up when I see a pair of smart eyes looking at me through glasses.

Kagetoki: "The collection of medicinal herbs for the Shogunate has not been accomplished, has it?"

Yoshino(blushing): "...! I'll pick it tomorrow. Well...I'm going to have to ask someone to come with me in case something goes wrong."

A smile crept across Kagetoki's thin lips as he watched me think for a moment and added----

Kagetoki: "Is it not a sign of stupidity to be able to suggest improvements from failure? Her willingness to contribute voluntarily to the Shogunate was also unexpectedly positive. .....Congratulations on your survival, Yoshino."

(---At one point I wondered what was going to happen, but I never thought I'd get such warm words from all of you.)

Yoritomo: "Take the rest of the day off."

Yoshino(blushing): "But first, may I make a request?"

(I don't want to spoil it like this.)

On the back of my eyelids, apart from the horror, I had a vivid impression of Kurama.

Yoritomo: "What is it?"

Yoshino: "I want to practice using my powers so that I won't be intimidated in front of demons. So will you ...... ................. ..........."

Everyone(Making the Pikachu meme face): ".................................."

I slowly began to speak my thoughts to everyone who looked at me in surprise.

........................

A few days later----at the Rebel's mansion.

Kurama: "Hey! Yoshitsune, get up."

-----Part 3-----

Kurama: "Hey! Yoshitsune, get up."

Yoshitsune: "Mm...thirty minutes more...."

Kurama: "You said the same thing thirty minutes ago."

Yoshitsune, who had been dozing in Kurama's room, finally raised his eyelids in a daze.

Yoshitsune: "Still...sleepy...."

His purple crystal-like eyes, more hazy than usual, caught sight of Kurama sitting up.

Kurama: "You're a rebel general, so act like one. Why do you often sneak into my room to sleep?"

Yoshitsune(expressionless): "I feel calm when you're by my side. I always have."

Yoshitsune, who said in a serious voice, curls up like a cat, seeking warmth.

Kurama: "You are old enough to tackle your own nightmares."

Yoshitsune(expressionless): "Do you remember, Kurama? When I was a kid, you used to wrap me up in your feathers, when I was sick."

Kurama: "I don't remember."

As Yoshitsune lazily relaxes beside him, Kurama picks up a sake cup from the tray beside him.

Then he drank the liquor in it like it was water.

Yoshitsune: "It's not good for your health."

Kurama: "You're the only one in this world who gives health advice to demons, Yoshitsune."

Then-----

Yoichi: "Here’s your lost and found property~ ♪ “

Benkei: "Yoshitsune-sama!"

Without even asking, the sliding doors of the room opened and Yoichi and Benkei stepped inside.

Yoshitsune: "Hm?"

Kurama: "Now the noisiest ones are here."

Benkei: ".....! Kurama, you..."

When Benkei saw Yoshitsune sitting upright, his eyes suddenly became very sharp.

Benkei: "WHY ARE YOU NOT TAKING CARE OF YOSHITSUNE-SAMA WHEN HE WAS SLEEPING? WHAT IF HE CATCHES A COLD? HUH?"

Kurama: "All creatures are born naked. That's the way nature is. It is a sign of weakness to catch a cold."

Benkei: "You said it, you bastard. From now on you'll be naked."

Yoichi: "Haa...they both are such a pain in the ass and I’m not in the mood to separate you."

Yoichi shrugs his shoulders.

Yoichi: "Hmmm....Maybe I should leave you guys to yourself and sleep here with Yoshitsune-sama."

Kurama: "Get out. This room can only accommodate up to 2 people."

Yoichi: "Aww...so that means only Yoshitsune-sama can enter?"

Yoshitsune(expressionless): "Really? Kurama. Thank you."

Kurama: ".............."

Kurama looked unusually out of sorts as Yoshitsune stared at him nonchalantly.

Kurama: “So, Benkei, Yoichi. Have you both come to ruin my peaceful time?”

Benkei turns to Yoshitsune, his expression tightening.

Yoshitsune instantly understood his intention and straightened his posture.

Benkei: “I have news for you, Yoshitsune-sama.”

Yoshitsune: “Let’s hear it.”

The lazy atmosphere from earlier has naturally disappeared from Yoshitsune.

Benkei and Yoichi felt it, and their skin twitched.

Benkei :”-----There are indications that a prelude to the war against the Shogunate is about to break out.”

.......................

Morinaga: “Go on Yoshino. Pull the reins.”

Yoshino: “Mm, Yes.”

I pulled the reins of the horse I was riding to a halt in response to a shout from Morinaga-san, who is riding ahead.

Morinaga: “Good. I think you now know how to ride.”

Yoshino: “Thanks to you, I’ve managed to get used to it.”

(If I keep practicing like this, I’ll manage to stay out of trouble on the battlefield.)

Morinaga: “Mm. I’m glad. Big brother is proud of you.”

(I’m happy that Morinaga-san is complimenting me.)

Morinaga: “Now, let’s go down that slope!”

-------Part 4------

Morinaga: “Now, let’s go down that slope!”

(Ehhhh)

Yoshino: “It’s too steep!!!”

Morinaga: “Don’t worry. You’ll get used to it soon. The basics are the same, but you have to be careful about shifting your center of gravity, as I’ve just explained. Just gulp it down and let it go.”

Yoshino: *Gulps*

Soldier 1: “I feel sorry for Yoshino-san.”

Soldier 2: “I don’t want her to get hurt.”

Before I knew it, I heard shouts of sympathy from the soldiers who have gathered behind me.

Soldier 3: “YOU CAN DO IT, YOSHINO-SAN!!!

Soldier 4: “MORINAGA-SAMA IS A DEVIL!”

Morinaga: “Look, how everyone’s being cheerful. YOU GUYS ARE GONNA BE DOING 500 BARE-KNUCKLE FIGHTS, FOLLOWED BY A ROUND OF FISTICUFFS.”

Soldier 5: “Damn it! YOSHINO-SAN, IF I GET HURT, PLEASE PATCH ME UP!”

Yoshino: “I’LL BE FINE, BUT YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL NOT TO GET HURT FIRST!”

It was a pleasant surprise to find that, as I learned to ride, I soon became acquainted with the warriors who came and went from the palace.

After the soldiers had left like a storm....

Yoritomo: “Is your training over, Yoshino, Morinaga?”

Morinaga: “Ah, Yoritomo-sama!”

Yoshino: “Did something happened?”

Yoritomo: “I was passing by and happened to see you, so I thought I’d give you the good news. As you wished, I had Yasuchika prepare a demon for you to slay. We can practice using your fox powers when he comes here.”

Yoshino: “Thank you very much! I’ll do my best.”

(Tamamo gave me some tips on how to use it, so now it’s just a matter of practice, right?)

At that time, when I was shining with a new determination......

Shigehira: “Ah, there you are, Yoshino-san.”

Yoshino: “Shigehira-kun!”

Shigehira: “.....Ah, Yoritomo-sama is also here.”

Yoritomo: “What is it, Shigehira? Came here ‘by chance”

Shigehira: “No I’m not! Don’t tease me for everything.”

Morinaga: “But when did ‘Shigehira-san’ become ‘Shigehira-kun’?”

Shigehira: “Urm.....”

Yoshino: “No, no, Shigehira-kun at first told me not to use any honorifics, but I can’t take advantage of his kindness.”

Some time ago I began to help with the chores in the palace.

In this connection, I exchanged a few words with Shigehira-kun, and he gave me permission to talk to him in a friendly tone.

Shigehira: “.....Since we’re friends and all, as proof, you see, I came to question Yoshino-san about her laxity in her work.”

Shigehira-kun places a document in my hand.

(Let’s see, this is the proposal on casualties on the battlefield that I spent a whole day yesterday preparing....)

Shigehira: “Here. There’s something wrong. The stockpile of medicines is different from the figures I checked yesterday.”

(Oops!)

Yoshino: “I’m sorry. But can you wait? I’ll fix my mistake later and bring it to Shigehira-kun’s house.”

Shigehira: “I can’t wait that long. If you’ve got so much work to do, why don’t you just leave it to someone else rather than making mistakes?”

Yoshino: “But I’m sorry, this is my work. How can I...?”

Shigehira: “Yes. I suppose so. No one wants to take on that kind of work anyway. So......if you have no choice, I can take care of it for you in that case.”

------Part 5-------

Shigehira: “Yes. I suppose so. No one wants to take on that kind of work anyway. So.......if you have no choice, I can take care of it for you in that case.”

(Eh?)

Yoritomo:  (⌒‿⌒)

Morinaga:  (◕‿◕)

Kagetoki: “----Shigehira. If you wanted to help her, why don’t you come out and say it directly?”

Suddenly a shadow appeared above me and a low voice fell.

Kagetoki: “I came to call on Yoshino, and found that there were quite a few people here.”

Yoshino: “Kagetoki-san!”

Morinaga: “Why are you here?”

Kagetoki: “I came to stop you because you’ve been holding Yoshino longer than planned. After this, it’s time for her classes on the history of samurai and the basics of the art of war.”

Yoshino: “Oh, I’m sorry. I got carried away and it’s already that time....”

Tamamo: “We’ll have to wait for that too.”

(Ah, that voice.)

Tamamo: “Yoshino must be exhausted. I suggest you give her a break.”

Yoritomo: “Where did you disappear off to in the morning?”

Tamamo: “I had some important business in town. I’ve been going all over Kamakura to buy sweets for Yoshino.”

Yoshino: “So many!?”

I can’t help but widen my eyes at the overflowing packages of sweets in his arms.

(I’m surprised, but I’m happy.)

Yoshino(blushing): “Thank you very much, Tamamo.”

Tamamo: “Think of it as a sign of my support. Here take it. I’ve also brought some of my favorite sweets to share with everyone.”

Kagetoki: “Sweets? Very well, then.......”

Tamamo: “Kagetoki, let me warn you....”

Tamamo faced Kagetoki with a rare and serious face.

Tamamo: “If you drown my carefully hand-picked sweets with your syrup....then no sweets for you!”

Kagetoki: “Why not? It will double the sweetness.”

Yoshino: “Kagetoki, why are you saying that with a relaxed face....?”

Yoritomo: “His taste buds are broken. So don’t worry about it...”

(When we are all talking like this with each other, everyone’s personality really stands out.)

----I wouldn’t have known all this if we hadn’t worked and trained together.

Yoshino(blushing): “I’ve been busy lately, but my days are full of life. I feel like I’m not alone, I’m moving forward with you.”

Shigehira: “If that’s the case, then surely that’s what it means to be one of us.”

Yoshino(blushing): “....Mm, thank you.”

I suddenly realized that everyone was smiling at me too.

Morinaga: “We must thank you too. Thank you for joining us, Yoshino.”

Yoshino(blushing): “Yes! I look forward to working with you!”

Kagetoki: “---And it was just as well.”

Kagetoki-san suddenly looked down at the document I had received from Shigehira-kun.

Kagetoki: “Because it looks like your ‘proposal’ will be live sooner than you think.”

Yoshino: “You mean.....”

Yoritomo: “You’re right. In the ‘outpost battle’ that is about to come...”

................

Same time---at Yasuchika’s mansion in Kyoto.

Courtesan 1: “Oh, it’s that child...”

Courtesan 2: “Yeah. I heard that he is in the service of Yasuchika-dono. His name is....Ibuki, I believe.”

Ibuki: “Good day, ladies and gentlemen.”

On the way back from the fortune-telling session, a group of courtesans were walking along the corridor and looked at each other.

A young boy walks past with a bouncy gait.

His long, swaying sleeves attract the eye, but his voice is surprisingly low and mature.

Courtesan 1(blushing): “Ah.....  A child of rare beauty.”

Courtesan 2(blushing): “Yes. Absolutely.”

Whether he heard it or not, Ibuki continues down the corridor with a clear face.

Then the door to the tatami room opens.

Ibuki: “Yasuchika-sama, I have just finished my errand.”

Yasuchika: “Thank you for your hard work.”

After replying without making eye contact, Yasuchika lightly waved his hand to his men who had gathered.

Yasuchika: “Everyone! You can go home today.”

All silently thanked and left.

Ibuki: “As usual, the powerful Onmyoji of this court is well experienced. As expected of my ‘master.”

Yasuchika: “Stop talking like a creep, you bastard.”

The tone of voice was harsh and unbelievable for a young child.

But Ibuki didn’t show any care....

Ibuki: “How can you be so cold to a cute child? Yasuchikaaa.”

Chapter 5

[janetbrown711]

“Why are you shaking?” Yakko >:)

Yakko’s leg bounced up and down so quickly, it appeared to simply be vibrating. In truth, Yakko had to be forced to sit down, his pacing was driving the others in the hospital waiting room insane. 

Dot had begun her surgery about an hour ago, and they should’ve heard something by now... at least Yakko thought. In truth, he hadn’t asked how long it was supposed to take, and even if he had he didn’t have a watch for which to keep track. 

Either way, Yakko was anxious to hear if Dot was okay. A million things could happen during surgery, a million things his mind loved to jump around and explore while he waited. He tried his best to listen to the advice of his younger brother and Plotz (a sentence he never thought he’d ever form) and remind himself that this was necessary and Dot needed the surgery and that everything is going to be okay, but Yakko was Yakko and his anxiety continued.

His brother was right for calling him a ‘worry-wart’, but ‘worry-warting’ had kept them alive so far so he wasn’t exactly going to stop now.

After a while of that, however, Yakko just put his elbows on his legs to stop the shaking and just hoped for the best. All the pacing and shaking was tiring. Quickly after that though, none other than Doctor Scratchnsniff himself entered the waiting room, and Yakko and Wakko hugged each other nervously.

“Ze operation vas a complete success!” The doctor smiled and Yakko and Wakko practically jumped with joy as a wave of relief washed over them.

Finally, it was over.

“However... there is one thing we’d like to talk to you about, Yakko,” Hello Nurse said, appearing next to Scratchnsniff.

Well... at least, Dot’s sickness was over.  They still had a lot more loose ends to tie everywhere else. 

“But I wanna see Dot,” Wakko frowned and pulled on his brother’s arm. 

“You’ll get to later, she’s just in recovery for now. Surgery is quite the tiring process,” the nurse explained. Wakko huffed and pulled down his hat. 

“I’m gonna be boredddddddd,” Wakko groaned. 

“I’m sure you’ll find something to do in that head of yours,” Yakko teased, standing up. Wakko huffed, but didn’t say much outside of that, so Yakko took that as his brother’s permission and he went off with the nurse and doctor. 

“So... what’s this about? Is Dot okay?” Yakko asked once they were alone in a room. 

“No, Dot is doing vonderfully,” Scratchy shook his head. “Zis is about... something else.”

“Yakko, do you know why you came to Acme Falls?” Hello Nurse asked.

“Well, my mom told us- why are you asking?” Yakko raised an eyebrow. 

“Well, you see, your father actually grew up here, before he was a squire and moved away,” She said. “As such, Queen Angelina II and King William knew that you three would be safe here, in case anything happened to the two of them. We knew what to expect and more importantly, they knew we wouldn’t harm you or turn you in to King Salazar.”

Yakko paused a long moment. 

“You mean... you guys knew?” Yakko asked. 

“Vell... yah. Of course ve knew. Not everyone looks like your family, you know?” The doctor looked at him in a way that pointed out the stupidity of the question. Yakko facepalmed. 

“Right, yeah,” Yakko cringed. “So... why are you telling me this now?”

“Well, as I’m sure you’ve heard, the people of Warnerstock’s hatred of Salazar has only grown over the years, and rumors have spread about the Wishing Star and you three’s survival of the attack and now people are suggesting that you three inherit your parent's thrones, and well... we have proof,” The nurse explained, showing Yakko their birth certificates. 

Yakko’s eyes fell upon the familiar handwriting of his father, and he touched it carefully. 

“I-i... I don’t know what to say,” Yakko managed to get out. 

“It’s a lot to process, no?” The doctor said. Yakko nodded. 

“I-i just... I don’t know... I haven’t thought about actually returning to our old lives in... a really long time,” Yakko set down the certificates and scratched the back of his neck. 

“It’s one thousand percent up to you, we aren’t forcing you to do anything, we’re just... pointing something out, so to say,” Hello Nurse explained, feeling bad. 

“Yeah, I get that,” Yakko said. “Still it’s... wow. I mean... my dad really used to live here? Why didn’t anyone say anything?” he questioned.

“Well... I suppose there was never a right time. We did our best to make sure the three of you were well, but with everything going downhill so fast... well, there was only so much we could do,” She did her best to justify. Yakko slowly nodded. 

“Yeah, that makes sense,” He admitted. Looking back, he could see their acts of kindness and how they did try their best to have sympathy and help while the world went sour around them. The looking away when they borrowed food, the conveniently placed goods, the constant hiring of Wakko while they could. Acme Falls was good like that. 

“Well... I’ll need to talk to my sibs about this... and do some thinking... a lot of thinking,” Yakko said. 

“Of course, you shouldn’t rush a zing like zis, no?” The doctor agreed. Yakko bit his lip.

“So when will Dot be okay enough for guests?” Yakko asked. 

“Oh, not for a little while. Don’t worry, we’ll be sure to keep you two updated,” Hello Nurse said. “Should give you plenty of time to think.”

“Yippie,” Yakko laughed pathetically. The doctor and nurse gave him looks of sympathy. 

“You must be in your head often, no?” Scratchy asked. Yakko nodded. “Not fun.”

“Yeah, you said it,” Yakko said, standing up. 

“Well... I’ll give what you said a thought... this should be fun,” He nodded at them. 

“We’ll send for you if Dot wakes up while you’re gone,” The nurse suggested. Yakko nodded at that, and headed out of the room, pausing briefly outside of Dot’s room. 

“Please recover fast. I don’t know how much more of this thinking I can handle,” He thought, before walking back to the waiting room. 

“What’d they talk to you about?” asked Wakko. 

“Oh just... things,” Yakko couldn’t think of a lie fast enough. 

“What kind of things?” Wakko raised an eyebrow, painfully curious. 

“Legal things,” Yakko said, deciding the truth was boring enough. Wakko groaned.

“Everything is so boring now,” Wakko complained. “Why can’t everything be death defying and a mad chase for the Wishing Star?”

“There’s nothing boring about safety,” Yakko frowned, hoping his brother wasn’t already getting ideas. 

Then again, becoming prince again would be entertaining...

Yakko groaned as he felt a headache come on. 

“I’ll be back, I have a lot to think about,” Yakko said. 

“You’re gonna leave me again?” Wakko pouted. 

“Look, it’ll only be a minute. I’ll buy us some food, that sound good to you?” Yakko asked. Wakko nodded and handed Yakko his remaining ha’penny. 

“Just come back soon, Mr. Plotz is so boring... though now that he’s asleep...” Wakko looked at him, mischief gleaming in his eyes. Yakko snorted. 

“You do what makes you happy, just don’t pretend I was involved,” Yakko winked and left the hospital, happy to get out and get some fresh air. 

In truth, the day was still quite young. The Warners had gone to the hospital first thing in the morning, and after a quick, reassuring peptalk from Yakko, Dot’s nerves were soothed and she was taken into surgery. Now it was roughly two hours later, and the streets were full of people who were eager to spend the money that had been returned to them from the Baron, who kept his promise. Yakko couldn’t help but smile at the sight, reflecting on how it had only been two days ago the streets were barron and covered in snow, and the town lifeless and grey. 

It seemed Acme Falls was welcoming a bright, new future. 

A bright, new future they were probably all hoping was staring- well...

Him. 

His sibs. 

God, how their days of royalty felt like a million years ago. 

Yakko used to have plenty of happy memories of his parents dancing around in his head, but nowadays it seemed they were all tainted. Any time he remembered his mother singing and kissing him goodnight, he’d remember the last time he saw her, all bruised and bloodied. Any time he’d remember a funny story his father read to him, he’d recall his father telling him he’d never let anything bad happen to him or his sibs. 

He had made promises to his parents too: that he’d be able to protect them and keep them safe no matter what. 

Yakko sighed, as guilt weighed on his back as it so often did. He couldn’t help but wonder if there would ever be a day the guilt would go away. It wracked his mind for as long as he could remember, whether it was about not being able to save his mother, the orphanage closing, Dot’s health, Wakko going away, or how he had failed to protect them and almost lost both of them in one day.

Determined to not dwell, Yakko quickly began to make his way to the market in the town square and filled up his bag with fruits and veggitables, as well as a loaf of bread and couldn’t help but smile as he payed for it with the ha’penny. 

That was one benefit if they decided to inherit the throne: him and his siblings would never have to be hungry again. They’d have a nice, warm home and never want for anything ever again. 

But at the same time, Acme Falls had become a home to them. They knew most everyone around town, and it would feel strange not to see them. These people had done so much for them over the years, it wouldn’t feel right to leave them. 

Yakko thanked the grocer, and decided to stop by their home before going back to the hospital. 

It would probably do wonders for them to have a nice, warm home without giant holes in the roof that let in piles of snow and rain, and to have nice, warm beds that were stuffed with feathers and cleaned every day by servants instead of the uncomfortable bare-bones wooden ones Wakko and Yakko had. Goodness knew his back would probably appreciate it. 

Still... as he looked around he recognized it as home. He had lived their for a whole year- the longest he’s lived anywhere since before the attack. It would be really hard to say goodbye. 

Yakko sat down on his bed and groaned, annoyed as the headache flared. He really thought his mind would be used to all of this over analyzing and stressing by now, but it wasn’t. 

He then figured it was best he delay thinking about it until he was ready to discuss it with his siblings. For now, he’d head back to the hospital and wait for Dot to wake up. He had ignored Wakko long enough anways. 

Turns out, Yakko didn’t have to wait much at all, as Dot was already awake by the time he had made it back. 

“Yakko! Do you like my scar?” Dot beamed when he entered her room and showed off the scar on her chest where they had operated. Yakko laughed and nodded, feeling his headache disappear entirely. 

“Very cool,” He said, setting down the bag of food in the corner of the room.

“I think it’s faboo,” Wakko grinned with his tongue sticking out like a puppy. 

“How’re you feeling though? Do you feel well rested?” Yakko asked, going to the side of her bed and stroking her head. 

“I feel fine Yakko, really,” Dot reassured. 

“Yeah, she feels fine. You’re such a worry-wart,” Wakko teased him. 

Yakko rolled his eyes. “It’s kept us alive this long, and you can’t argue with that.” 

“Yeah yeah,” Wakko mumbled. Sometimes Yakko swore his brother was still four years old. 

“Anyway,” He said, giving his brother a look, “I was wondering if you’re okay enough to have a long and kinda tough conversation.” 

“What do you mean? Are you gonna yell at me again?” Dot blinked. 

“No, no. It’s not like that conversation,” Yakko said, feeling a pang of guilt. “I mean... well...” He sighed, not knowing how to say it other than to outright say it. Instead, he patted for Wakko to sit on Dot’s bed and he did. 

“Well... you two know how Mom and Dad were once king and queen before King Salazar, right?” Yakko asked. His siblings nodded. 

“Well... you see, now that Salazar is on the way out, now the people of Warnerstock are looking for the true heirs to the throne... us,” Yakko explained, his sibs taking a moment to process what he was saying. 

“You mean they want us to rule the country?” Wakko tilted his head. 

“I mean- basically, yeah,” Yakko nodded. 

“I’d get to be a princess?” Dot beamed. 

“Well- yes, but it’s a lot more than just fancy dresses and a castle,” Yakko warned. 

“What do you mean?” She frowned. 

“Well, for starters, it’d mean we’d have responsibilities, and big ones. We’d have to make sure to take good care of Warnerstock, and it’s citizens,” He explained. 

“Psh, we can do that,” Wakko blew it off. 

“Oh? And what makes you so confident?” Yakko raised an eyebrow. 

“You’ve taken care of us two for six years now, and you’ve done just fine,” Wakko said plainly. 

“Yeah right, you two almost died countless times,” Yakko rolled his eyes, but decided not to get into. 

“A whole kingdom is a lot more than just two people,” Yakko said. 

“How would the people even know we’re the heirs to the throne?” Dot tilted her head. 

“Outside of looks? The hospital has our birth certificates,” Yakko said. “They’re signed by our parents and everything.” 

Wakko and Dot blinked. 

“Can we see them?” Wakko asked.  

“Uh- okay,” Yakko nodded and asked for the nurse to bring them over. She did, and Yakko handed them to his siblings, surprised to see how much they captivated them. 

“Wow- my name is really long written down,” Dot remarked. 

“Well yeah, what else did you expect Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca III?” Yakko joked. 

“I honestly have no idea how you remember it all. I get them all mixed up,” Wakko commented. 

“Yeah, your name is nice and short, Wakkorotti,” Dot teased. 

“Dad’s handwriting was really neat and curly,” Wakko said, tracing the cursive with his finger. 

“That’s because it’s cursive and he was trained in calligraphy,” Yakko explained. “Which- if we decided to claim the throne- would be one of our responsibilities.”

“I wanna learn how to write curly letters!” Dot bounced up and down before wincing. 

“Take it easy Dot, no need to overexurt yourself. Dont’ forget you’re still recovering,” Yakko warned. 

“What else would we do?” Wakko asked. 

“Well... we’d make laws, sign treaties, keep people safe and happy, throw parties, and take a lot of classes that will probably be really boring for things like maners and such,” Yakko tried to recall what he could of his past for reference, but very little came up. 

“Would we still be together?” Dot asked. quieter. 

“Of course,” Yakko frowned with concern. “I’d never let them separate us.”

“We’d get a big fancy castle? With nice warm beds? And warm food?” Wakko quizzed. Yakko nodded. 

“O-of course, but it’s not that simple Wakko,” Yakko said, frustrated his worries weren’t getting through. 

“Then I don’t see what the problem is. Sign me up,” Wakko officially declared his support of reclaiming the throne. 

“Me too!” Dot agreed, and declared her support as well. 

“Well- I-... okay,” Yakko rubbed the bridge of his nose. In truth, he knew his siblings would be estatic about hearing that they could become royalty again, and that he’d be the only one with any problems. 

Well, he promised he’d listen and ask them, and that he did.

“If you guys are one hundred percent sure then... I’m sure too. Let’s go reclaim the throne... however you do that.”

.o0o.

After about a week of planning, they had finally done it. Salazar was gone and was never, ever coming back, Yakko made sure of that. 

He was amused by how scared the king had looked, knowing that he had been beaten by literal children. It was pathetic really, but Yakko enjoyed kicking him out nonetheless. After all, now he’d be rotting a cell for the rest of time. Yakko could finally rest easy about that. 

However, as he watched people redecorate the castle around him to become more and more like he remembered, he couldn’t help but feel like a ghost, viewing things that had once been. He had been dazed as he watched old tapestries get hung, and he had been left speechless when they asked for suggestions on flowers or colors. 

Thank god he had Wakko and Dot, otherwise he wasn’t sure he’d be able to do this.

Yakko smiled softly. Wakko and Dot had been so excited during the whole ordeal, only getting sad when they had to say goodbye to Acme Falls. They loved their new rooms (though they always ended up sleeping in Yakko’s room out of habit) and all the foods and dressing up and preparation for their corination. 

Oh god, their corination was today. Yakko was standing and getting his pants fitted for the ceremony which was in an hour. He was wearing a crown. 

He still couldn’t believe any of this was happening. 

“Now... how does that feel?” One of the seamstresses asked him, stepping back and giving him a good look up and down. 

“Feels weird to have pants that fit,” Yakko snorted, but admired himself in the mirror. 

He looked regal, almost. If he smiled and puffed out his chest, he looked like the epitome of confidence and charm. Thank god, he needed that or else everyone was going to realize he was just a scared kid. 

“But I like it. It looks great, thank you so much,” Yakko smiled and nodded at her. He then stepped down and decided to go looking for his sibs, noticing it had been awhile since he had seen them and he needed to make sure they hadn’t destroyed anything. 

“Yakko! These halls are so long, and really good for racing!” Dot said, nearly crashing into him as he turned the corner to see them. 

“Dot, what did I say about running around? You’re still recovering, take it easy,” Yakko shook his head and chuckled. As much as he warned against it, it filled him with joy to see her running around like a little kid again. After all, it had been over a year since she had been healthy.

“Lame,” Wakko rolled his eyes as he slowed down to join them. Yakko copied his motion as he scooped Dot up in his arms. 

“So, what’re you two doing in this hall? I think this is the one part of the castle I haven’t seen yet,” Yakko said. 

“A bunch of old art and stuff. The maid ladies said they haven’t decided where to put them up yet,” Wakko said, catching his breath. 

“Really? I thought I’d seen it all by now,” Yakko commented, now wanting to see them. Dot bobbed her head. 

“Oh yeah! They’re a bunch of old dresses and suits and stuff too, though a lot of them are really dirty,” She remarked. Yakko furrowed his eyebrows, not knowing what to think, as he started walking. 

As he walked, he noticed a lot of the furtinture in this hall was covered in while cloth, so he set Dot down and pulled them off before snorting. 

He remembered this one. It was a painting of an orchard from one of his Dad’s stories. It had been about a knight returning to his home village after years of being away, and falling for his childhood sweetheart before having to defeat a giant and saving the day for everyone. His father’s words had been so descriptive and precise, Yakko could recognize the painting in a flash. He was pretty sure it had been a birthday present to him when he was seven, though paintings were hardly what he’d consider a proper gift for a seven year old. 

Still. It felt nice to see it again. 

“What’s that? Who painted it?” Dot asked. 

“It’s a painting from one of Dad’s old stories. I’m pretty sure the royal artist did it... Pappy... Pabby... I don’t remember his name,” Yakko shrugged, not caring. 

“Can we have a royal painter? I wanna get a portrait done of me. Cuteness like this should be preserved,” Dot posed in her big pink dress. 

“I’ll think about it,” Yakko snickered, before moving to one that was much bigger than the others. Tilting his head, he pulled off the heavy cloth and took a step back as a layer of dust got into the air. After coughing and clearing the air, he looked at it and his body froze. 

“Woah, so realistic,” Wakko remarked, wanting to touch it.

“Who are those people?” Dot tilted her head. 

“Th-thats... th-that’s them,” Yakko said, unable to take his eyes off of it. 

It was a portrait of them, their whole family. It had been done a few weeks before the attack, and Yakko had never gotten to see the final product. But here it was- and it was so... so lifelike. Yakko wanted to reach out to it and touch it, hoping that he could feel his mother’s soft gloves and or his father’s fur cape. 

“Them?” Dot looked up at him. Yakko gulped hard. 

“M-mom and Dad,” he struggled to say. 

“Why are you shaking?” Dot asked. Yakko paused. He hadn’t noticed he was. 

“S-sorry sibs... it’s just... It’s really, really lifelike,” Yakko shook his head, trying to force himself out of the trance. “I can’t believe it survived. There’s no way any portraits of them should’ve made it. Most of them were burned or torn to pieces.”

“Wow... that’s what they looked like?” Dot asked, looking at it closer. Wakko nodded. 

“I only have one or two memories of Mum and Dad, but that’s them alright,” Wakko smiled a little, and Yakko wrapped an arm around him, before feeling himself start to shake again. 

“Oh god- what am I doing?” Yakko let go and took a step away from Wakko. His sibs looked back at him, equal parts concerned and confused. 

“I-i should be happy to see that a painting of them survived. I-i... I’ve missed seeing their faces a lot. B-but here I am, shaking like some idiot,” Yakko ran his fingers through his hair. He tried to gain control of his breath as he looked in the eyes of his parents in the painting, and felt another wave of emotions go down his spine. 

“I-i just... seeing them again, I-i...” Yakko tried to analyze his feelings, but it was proving to be very difficult. 

“It’s hard?” Wakko suggested. Yakko nodded slightly. 

“Y-yeah...” He sighed. “They just... they look so... regal. In control. They always knew what they were doing. They knew just how to protect us. No matter what happened, they had a plan to keep us safe, even if that ended up costing them,” He said, crossing his arms, as he felt guilt crawl into his throat and his eyes begin to fill with tears. 

“I just... I don’t think I’ll ever be able to match up to them,” He admitted, feeling a rogue tear escape. 

“God, I’m turning into such a cry baby,” Yakko muttered and wiped his eyes. 

“There’s no shame in crying, Yakko,” Dot frowned. “You should know that. You’ve told me all the time.”

“Yeah, it’s okay,” Wakko said, stepping closer, clearly wanting to hug him. 

“Of course you two would say that,” Yakko sniffled, laughing a little. 

“Of course we would, we love you,” Wakko said, running to hug him. “And I know Mum and Dad loved you too.”

“I-I’m sure if they were around, they’d be proud Yakko. I mean- look at you. Somehow, you kept me and Wakko alive in Acme Falls for six years, and you’ve kept us safe and gave us food and protection, all while putting on a brave face to keep us happy,” Dot pointed out, joining the hug. “That’s incredibly brave and regal, if you asked me.”

Yakko patted her head softly. “Thanks sis.” Dot just smiled in return. Taking in a deep breath, Yakko tried to regain his composure. 

“You know... I’m really lucky to have you two,” Yakko said, and he meant it. He couldn’t imagine how his life would be if he didn’t have Dot or Wakko with him, especially right in this moment. 

“Really?” Wakko asked, his tongue now sticking out, as it so often did. 

“Of course,” Yakko ruffled his fur. “You two are honestly the best siblings and co-rulers a prince such as myself could ask for,” Yakko smiled. 

“Thanks, you’re not so bad yourself,” Dot winked at him. Yakko snorted. 

“Seriously though, I couldn’t imagine doing this without you guys. You guys are probably the only thing keeping me sane right now,” He said, only half joking. 

“It’s okay Yakko, we aren’t going anywhere,” Wakko laughed a little. 

“Yeah! We’re a team, we all agreed on that. You’re never gonna have to worry about being alone ever again,” Dot said with a big smile. 

“Good,” He said, hugging the two of them a little bit closer as he wiped away another tear. With a breath, he looked at his watch and gasped. 

“Brain is gonna kill us if we’re late, we have to hurry. It’s almost time,” Yakko said, and Wakko and Dot nodded. 

“You gonna be okay?” Wakko asked. 

“Yeah, I’ll be okay,” He nodded. “I got the best team ever. And if all else fails, I’ll improvise a little, that’s always worked out, right?” He said, in reference to the speech he was going to have to make to the kingom. He had written cue cards, but in all honesty he thought those ideas were garbage and he’d figure it out when he got there, which was probably a terrible idea, but if he could improvise a way to keep the three of them from being killed by Salazar, he could probably improvise an acceptance speech to the kingdom. 

“We believe in you,” Wakko and Dot gave him big thumbs up. 

“You two are dorks. Go finish getting ready, I’ll be there in a minute,” Yakko said. Wakko and Dot nodded, scurrying off to get some final touches done (mostly redoing their hair since they had just spent goodness knew how long running around). 

Once they disappeared, Yakko sighed and turned back to the portrait. 

“H-hi Mom... Hi Dad,” He gulped. 

“I-it’s me. Yakko. I-i don’t know if you recognize me, it’s been a while since you’ve seen me,” He said, cringing at how stupid he must’ve sounded. Still, he felt... better talking to them, so he continued. 

“I-i just want to say... thanks. For everything. You’ve left some really big shoes to fill- well... not shoes exactly, we’ve never really worn shoes, but... you know,” He joked. 

“And I just... thanks for giving me Wakko and Dot. Seriously. If you were still here, you’d be so proud of them, I just know it,” He said. 

“I wasn’t kidding earlier: I really don’t know if I could’ve made it this far without them... They’re so much like you two in so many ways, you’d be surprised. Dot as your kindness and your strength, while Wakko has your optimism and your courage...” Yakko smiled weakly. 

“I guess despite everything, we did turn out okay,“ He said, feeling a wave of comfort and relaxation wash over him. 

Despite all the hell they had been through, they were okay, and right where they were always supposed to be. 

Yakko had done a good job after all. He truly had kept his promise to his mother. He had protected and watched over them and kept them safe and sound. 

“Yakko! Brain said to come and get you before he kills you!” Wakko called from the other end of the hall. 

“Be right there!” He replied, before returning to the painting. 

“I miss you a lot... but it’s okay now. I’m okay,” He said. 

“I have my sibs, and no one is ever going to separate us ever again. Not even death itself.”

Yakko took a deep breath and smiled. “I have to go now... but I’m sure I’ll be back. I just gotta go rule a kingdom, I’m sure you understand,” He joked, before shaking his head. He waved goodbye to the painting and ran to go join his siblings at the tower where the balcony where they were going to give their speech was. 

“You two ready?” Yakko asked, adjusting his cape. 

“Born ready,” Dot gave a toothy grin. Yakko snorted. 

“Ready to go when you are Yakko,” Wakko grinned as well. 

“Are you ready Yakko?” Brain asked. 

“With a team like this? Of course,” Yakko nodded at the mouse. Brain accepted the corny response, nodding at a guard, who them opened the doors wide. 

Yakko then held Wakko and Dot’s hands and gave them a tight squeeze, before together, they stepped out into the rest of their lives, secure in the fact that no matter what life threw at them next, they’d always have each other.

Always.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

[vale-studies-ir]

Hello lovely people!

It seems that life made me take a leave of absence from tumblr. Thanks to all of you who have continued to interact with my page! I'm sorry if I've missed any messages or questions in the time that I've been away. I'm back now and I'll continue to share my journey with you all...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In order to be able to keep moving forward, I think it's important to accept the past and move on. Accept any of the difficulties that happened, and see them as moments you've gone through that have made you stronger. My way of accepting and turning over a new page will be through this post.

I haven't shared too much information about my studies and how they've been going. My studyblr was very new, and I was using it more as a means for motivation by seeing all the wonderful things people in the community were doing. Little by little, I started to make posts of my own.

So let me formally introduce myself and share my ongoing journey...

My name is Valentina, I go by Vale for short. I jumped from graduating from my BA in International Relations and Political Science in the Spring of 2018 to starting my PhD studies in International Relations the Fall semester of that same year. No break, very smart... I know. That's only just the beginning. I'm not sure how it works abroad, but here doctoral students usually go through most of their studies being funded by a graduate assistantship. This pays tuition and provides a stipend through working as a TA (graduate teaching assistant). Of course they vary across universities and departments. When I was applying to the PhD program, one of my professors advised me not to accept if I was not given funding. There are only a limited number of spots that are given to incoming students each year that will be accepted as a TA.

In March of 2018 I received notification that I was accepted into the PhD program in International Relations at my university, however, the department could not guarantee funding for me. This put me at a loss, and I spend months wondering where this was going and what I would do. Because I'm an immigrant in the US, though I've been living here practically my whole life, I didn't have too many options. My mobility is constrained.. my access to scholarships is constrained (even though I may qualify for them in terms of academics and merit, migration status trumps over all of it). I was lost, to say the least. My family can't afford to have paid for this program or a Master's program out of pocket, and I am not able to take out student loans even if I wanted to.

Regardless of this all, I still attended the incoming graduate student orientation; which surprised the outgoing graduate program director. She did not think I would show up, considering the whole funding predicament. She and the new GPD told me that they would try to find something for me. On the first day of class, I showed up, still not knowing what would become of this situation. Not knowing if I would actually get to start the semester or not. We are usually given a week to pay tuition - because of status, I am considered an international student so my tuition came out to nearly $10,000 for three courses. That day, out of nowhere, I was told that the dean of our school (School of International and Public Affairs) was looking for a graduate assistant for new projects that he wanted to work on. In the span of a few hours, I ended up interviewing with him, being told that they would let me know because there was another student they were considering, and later being called and told that I got the position. I was ecstatic. I called my parents in tears. This was actually happening; I was actually going to be able to start my PhD.

It all happened so fast. It all seemed so exciting. The dean seemed very enthusiastic and pleased that I would be working with him. Things eventually took a turn for the worst...

Transitioning into graduate school itself is extremely difficult. Many graduate students find themselves experiencing heightened stress and strain on their mental health. I did not give myself the space to transition into graduate school without the added stress of being a doctoral student, without the added expectations. On top of that, the dean had not had a graduate assistant before. This was new for him too. The expectations of me were blurred and my contract would only last for a year to be considered for possible renewal (the typical TA contract in my original department lasts 4 years), this led to disaster. I needed this position to continue to fund my studies, so I needed to make sure that I was on top of my work expectations. Because these expectations were unclear, the dean's secretary took advantage. It seems they were short staffed, and I was given administrative tasks that did not belong to me. I was made to come in to the office for strictly 20 hours a week. (Our contract states that we work up to 20 hours a week). If I was ever sick and missed a day, that would be added onto the hours for the next week. So if I missed a day where I was supposed to be in the office for 5 hours, I'd have to be there for 25 hours the following week. A breach in the contract, I know - but who was I, a lowly student, against the dean? This office (a shared space) was not a place where a person could focus on studying. There were students coming in and out, loud conversations occurring, and having to see if the actual student employee in charge of taking phone calls was at their desk - if not, I would have to man the phone. While I was doing administrative tasks for the dean's secretary, the dean was having me create themed presentations and CO-LECTURE with him. Me, a person who had been an undergraduate student only months earlier. I had to create these presentations from scratch and know all of the material. All of my focus had to be on this. My performance in my own classes and mental health declined quickly. I could not focus, I could not get my reading assignments done, I felt unprepared. I felt like a failure.

After a year, I realized that it was not worth to have my tuition paid for if I could not focus on my classes and was set up for failure. It took a lot, but ultimately I turned down the contract renewal. Here comes the fun part. My GPA dropped tremendously. I graduated Magna Cume Laude just a year before. I developed depression and didn't realize it; to the point where a friend practically made me go to counseling. The office manager at my actual department knew what I was going through. I had shared a lot of my experience with her. She advocated for me. Because of this, I was told that there was a student who had been awarded an assistantship for the incoming Fall 2019 semester, but had decided not to take it. The contract was going to be made for me instead, for not 4 but for 5 years since I had only come in with a BA degree. When they ran it through the associate dean's office... it was denied. My GPA was lower than the threshold. A LOT lower. I was told by the GPD - the same woman who had just started her position that said she would help me, the woman that had gone on maternity leave during that whole year after she started meaning she was not aware of the situation - that I should really take my studies more seriously. She received a very long email from me and apologized afterwards, to say the least. Nothing could be done.

I had no funding, only savings and ended up working Full Time in Fall of 2019 in order to try to pay for 1 course, that costed me a little over $3,000. Somehow, even though I strongly considered it, I managed not to drop out. By this time, the majority of the courses I had taken before had INs - incomplete grades. Two of them had automatically turned into Fs. Things were not okay.

I got a bit of a mental break during that Fall semester. I worked in a friendly environment. The office manager pulled some strings and let me work as an office assistant there... so I was still at my department, but working as staff. It was a little awkward. I'm eternally grateful to her, she became a close friend. And because of her, someone at another department got word that there was a graduate student who needed funding.

This office manager was good friends with a recently graduated phd student from our department who is now working for a different center in the university. Because she was part of my department, many of my current colleagues know her, and are good friends with her. We spoke, I rushed to get my GPA up to the 3.0 threshold and with the help of my professor's I was able to be awarded an assistantship with that center. I started in December of 2019.

Again, I was ecstatic. Things were looking up. When I went in for the first time, I immediately felt a huge difference. It was a smaller, more homey place; and a lovely environment to be in. The people there were sweet and caring. I've gotten along with the few professors I've had the chance of meeting and working with.

Where did it start going downhill? The professor that recommended me (graduate from my home department) continuously requested that I work with her. Her reason being that I got along better with her (something that I was not aware of). Because she considered herself as my friend, professional lines were horribly blurred. I found myself doing additional work for her as a "favor for a friend." She then started having us meet multiple times a week for hours - distracting from the time I needed to actually get work done. This center does not cap classes - I've had to grade for up to 400 students in one semester. The meetings she scheduled were incredibly unproductive, and I found myself having to take extra time to get the grading done. Again, my own studies were effected. The past academic year went on like this. I ended up assisting in creating a new course and new assignments from scratch.

Later I noticed that something was wrong. I was doing way more work than stipulated by my contract. She was giving me access to her courses that I was not assigned to grade for. Instead of assisting for one course in the semester (the one with the highest enrollment), I was assisting for three. This was constantly under the guise of 'friendship'. How was I supposed to reject my 'friend'? When I tried to draw professional boundaries, I was met with resistance.

My mental health declined again in the fall and I missed a few of her scheduled meetings (meetings which she said were NOT mandatory). Because of this, she decided to throw me under the bus with the director and making it seem as if I was not actually working - when I was addressing students' needs and getting grades in. This worsened in the Spring. With the help of my counselor I finally got the courage to communicate with her. Albeit through text, because she's the type of person that does not allow you to get a word in during conversation.

"On that note, there’s something I’ve wanted to talk about. I’ve been struggling with concentration and fatigue. This is something that I’ve been working on with my doctor to try to find solutions. I’ve noticed that being in Zoom meetings in general where there’s casual conversation makes it exceptionally difficult for me to focus on what I’m trying to get done. This has been problematic in the work zoom meetings. You probably have noticed I seem really quiet, that is because I’m trying my hardest to focus.

I need to be able to focus during the time I’m assigned to work as a GA. Otherwise, I must take more time to complete tasks that normally wouldn’t take up that long or just wait until the weekends to finish them. That is conflicting as I have set that time to work on class assignments and my own projects. So in the end I end up falling behind and not working well because my productivity levels are being affected."

She seemed to understand me and be supportive. Then I noticed coldness, and condescending passive aggressive texts from her part.

I realized that I could not do this any longer. I could not allow myself to continuously be taken advantage of. Both of the people I've worked for were aware of my vulnerable situation due to migration status. They both knew that it was not easy for me to pay for my studies through any other means. My studies depended on these people, and if they 'liked' me. They abused and absorbed my time to the extent that my studies suffered tremendously.

But I finally stood up for myself. I spoke with the director and she affirmed that my concerns were valid. Time and time again she assured me that my studies should always come first. She supported me. I will no longer be assigned to work with this person.

I finally feel heard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been 3 years since I started my program. A lot has happened in this time. I have a lot of catching up to do this summer if I want to stay on track and take my comprehensive exams by the end of the year. But someone finally heard me, acknowledged the wrongdoings and helped me.

Don't let people walk over you and take advantage of you. I'm learning this the hard way.

Speak your truth.

[ainti-pretty]

anyway... angsty boys... in the quarantine land era...

tw: questionable eating habits, shitty mental health, (implied) self harm

ships: mentioned lambert/aiden

-so the boys are in quarantine right? geralt has left his room only to use the bathroom and get more pringles, eskels bored as hell, and lamberts spent most of the time sitting on the couch or facetiming aiden

-but you already knew that. in the last edition we went over the highlights of the Morhen household, but now, get ready for projection angst

-geralts been in his room for days (except to use the bathroom and get food, but thats at very late times, so no one sees him), and hes just. straight up not having a good time. he hasnt showered in days, and his room is a disaster. hes just been lying in his room in the dark, and vesemirs worried.

-eskels been worried about geralt, but he hasnt really felt anything but boredom since quarantine started, and hes not entirely sure if he has feelings anymore. hes just detacted from everything and is making more and more impulsive decisions. (making a catapult, purposely getting lambert and geralt into fights), he wants to feel something and vesemir knows this, but everytime he tries to stop eskel, he does something even worse. vesemirs not sure how much longer he cant stop eskel from actually hurting someone.

-lamberts. not doing great. theres a reason he spends most of the time on the couch where vesemir can see him, and its not so hes social. hes angry and explosive and misses aiden, and is always 30 seconds from hitting someone. vesemir knows that raised voices trigger him, but lamberts been pushing it and vesemir has nearly lost his temper multiple times.

-vesemirs patience is hanging on a string. hes worried about all his boys, and hes worried about the pandemic, and hes worried that somethings going to happen while hes not there and its all going to go to shit

-and to shit it all goes.

-one day, vesemirs at the store or smtg, bc. food. and hes managed to convince geralt to leave his room for at least a little while. when he leaves, the boys are on the couch. he hopes it all goes well.

-surprise! it doesnt

-eskel tries to start a conversation with geralt, bc he wants to talk to someone who isnt vesemir or lambert, and it goes something like this:

-”hey geralt, hows jaskier”

-“...”

-”oh. well uh. you should ask vesemir for a new flavor, you must be tired of sour cream and onion.”

- “fuck off.”

-and its just that over and over, and lamberts sitting on the back of the couch with his feet on the pillows, and hes getting annoyed bc he wants to ft aiden, but hes not allowed to be in his room alone for extended periods of time when vesemirs not there, so hes just. sitting there. 

-then, lamberts like. kicking his feet bc. annoying younger sibling vibes. and he accidently knocks a pillow over onto geralt, who looks like he was recently dragged through hell.

- “what the fuck lambert”

- cue lambert saying something bitchy in response. 

- “fuck off lambert.”

-“is that all you can say nowadays? fuck off?”

- “oh shut up lambert, and just go to your room.”  from geralt, who missed the argument between lambert and vesemir about why hes not allowed to go into his room.

- “i cant. vesemir will have my fucking ass if i do.”

- “since when have you cared about what vesemir says? youre being annoying, now go.” 

-the situation just goes downhill from there. none of them have been sleeping, and none of them are in a decent mental state (though they really didnt have that before qurantine)

- it ends with geralt slapping lambert and lambert (obviously) doesnt react well to this, and runs to hide in his room

-geralt immediately regrets it and tries to apologize, and turns to eskel, whos just been sitting there on his phone, completely zoned out, for help

-eskels like wtf. lets call vesemir. of course by the time they get ahold of vesemir, hes literally walking in. vesemir is Not Happy when he hears what happened, and goes straight to lamberts room so he can talk to him

-it doesnt work, but vesemir realizes lamberts talking to someone (he assumes is aiden) and is immediately relieved bc at least lamberts not actively hurting himself, and decides he’ll talk to him later

-but theres also the matter of geralt, who has once again, hid himself in his room.

-vesemir knocks on his door, and when he gets no response, he knocks harder. geralt keeps ignoring him, and vesemir loses his patience and yells at him to come out of his room.

-when geralt doesnt open the door, vesemir gets a wire hanger and picks the lock. 

-geralt doesnt even respond, hes just putting things into a bag

-vesemir tries to talk to him, but when he once again gets no response, he (carefully) puts a hand on geralts shoulder

-geralt doesnt look up at him but he at least stops packing

-vesemir sighs and tries to talk to him again, but he knows geralts not going to listen

-he gives geralt a hug but geralt just. sits there. 

-thats all i have rn tbh, sorry ydnksbiwsd enjoy the cliffhanger <3

[nerdekuhero]

Spoilers MHA chapter 290-291

Okay so, after reading this week chapter I’m still siding with Endevor. I like Dabi but I don’t think he is doin good in this and I can’t support him after his actions.

He recorded Twice death when he could have helped him just to have revenge against Endeavor and Hawks.

The whole Todoroki’s drama now.

We have always been told that Endeavor had married Reí just to have children and get a ‘masterpiece’. Yes, it was an arrange marriage but I don’t think Endeavor used Rei. I think that in some moment they were happy.

This weeks chapter kinda of confirmed this. Endeavor and Rei had Touya, he inherited his dads quirk but stronger. Not what Enji wanted but he was happy with it still. When we see him training Touya we can see a smile in his face. Not forced or anything, like genuinely happy for his son’s accomplishments. Enji and Rei decide to have another child. Fuyumi was born. Then Natsuo and then Shoto.

I think that before Shoto was born, the Todoroki’s were genuinely happy.

We don’t know really well the timeline or when Touya died but I stand by my former opinion.

When Shoto was born we was all Enji wanted, forgetting his other kids and focusing on HIS goal. Maybe Touya was jealous that his dad was no longer training him to be the best and now focusing on training the other sibling. Maybe that’s why Dabi planned to kill Shoto first and ruin Endeavor’s ‘masterpiece’.

I think that Rei’s mental health went downhill when Touya died. And in my opinion, I think that Enji’s mental health went downhill for the same reason.

After seeing how his first son had ‘died’ because of his quirk he wanted to training his youngest so he doesn’t face the same future. Maybe he got so focus in that that he lost his sanity and to try to grave his first born, he focused on his dream.

Yeah, Endeavor had done terrible things but I side with him more that Dabi. I still love Dabi and I kinda of comprehend his motives and his grudges but still, I find him too cool blooded in this situation.

When we get introduced on Endeavor, we come face to face with a shitty dad who doesn’t care about his son and that had only cause mental damage to his son and psychological damage to him and his family. But as the story progresses we can see him trying to redeem himself and facing the consequences of his actions, at least in his family. But Dabi, I don’t see him facing consequences about killing 30 or more people because ‘I hate my dad and I want revenge’. I still think that it was disgusting how he just stood there while Hawks killed Twice, his friend.

With this chapter we can see more of the Todoroki’s and how Endeavor wasn’t such a shitty dad in the begging. I think it was Touya’s dead what made all the family went downhill like I said before.

I wrote this on a whim, I’m sorry if some of y’all don’t agree but I just wanted to put my thoughts into words

[booknerdproblems]

Immortals Chapter 12

Hello lovely peoples! I am so sorry this took me so long to update, all my studying caught up with me. On that note,  starting now updates may be a little erratic due to my mental health really taking a downhill the past couple of weeks.

Anyways, here is the next chapter. The ending fought me a little, but I hope you enjoy nonetheless!

Here is the link to my masterlist, with the links to the rest of the chapters!

TW: N/A

“She was fury, she was wrath, she was vengence.”

-Lysandra, Queen of Shadows

“What’s your favourite colour?” Aelin’s voice reached him from across the clearing, where she was seated on a hollowed out log, basking in the sunlight. 

It was Beltane, and Aelin and Rowan had been sparring all morning, and were taking a moment to recuperate before heading back to the whirlwind of the fortress and the party this evening. Rowan had no idea whether Aelin was planning to attend the festivities, but he was going to go, if only for alcohol. 

“Buzzard!” Gods, he was pissed that nickname had stuck.

“What.”

“Favourite colour.” She demanded.

“Green. Yours?”

“Red.”

Rowan hummed in acknowledgment, sitting down next to her and closing his eyes against the glare of the sun once more. 

After a couple of minutes of his own thoughts, he opened his eyes again, only to see Aelin winding a ribbon of flame through her fingers. He sent an ice-kissed breeze to coax at the flames, and Aelin smiled softly as their magic began to twine. 

Snowflakes began to whirl gently around them, and embers started to dance among the fallen leaves and he sat closer to Aelin, their legs almost brushing. He looked to his left, Aelin’s head tilted upwards, a serene smile on her face as she enjoyed the feel of their magics playing. 

“Aelin.” Rowan whispered.

“Mmmm?”

“Do you trust me?” Her eyes opened at the question, her features becoming more alert as she looked at him.

His eyes darted over her face, wondering if just maybe, maybe, his wild shot in the dark was correct.

She nodded slowly, looking slightly wary as he drew the dagger from his side. Rowan locked eyes with her as he drew the blade across his palm, the tang of his blood making her nostrils flare slightly. As he reached for her hand, understanding dawned upon her face as she realised his intentions. He carefully, carefully, made an identical cut across her palm, ignoring the way the scent of her blood set him on edge.

Lacing their fingers together, he gazed into her eyes once more for confirmation as their palms met. 

Fire and ice and wind and embers. Ash and snow and air and smoke. Light and cold and breeze and heat. Rowan heard a small gasp come from Aelin as his magic barrelled into hers, and he pressed their foreheads together as their magics met in a whirlwind of power. It was an out-of-body experience, it was unlike everything he’d ever known, and oh gods, the feel of her. The smoke and ash and embers. The churning pit of flame inside of her went on forever, and his magic, the thing that had people trembling at their cores, was nothing, nothing, compared to the endless heat inside of her. Inside of this beautiful, wildfire female. A storm made flesh. A wicked, wonderful storm. A goddess in a mortal body. Her power, a behemoth prowling beneath her skin. He’d felt it, felt it that first night in Doranelle, when she’d loosened the leash a fraction, and even that was nothing- nothing compared to this.

Carranam

The word echoed between them, a confirmation of what he’d only suspected. Gods above, they were carranam. A bond so rare, so sought after it was second only to the mating bond. A bond between equals, between friends. Not soulmates, not as revered and holy as mates, but- Gods, to think, he could share power with this… queen. Wildfire touched with insanity. 

Useful on a battlefield, from a warriors standpoint.

Dangerous, should Maeve find out. So, so dangerous. Rowan would be handing a tool of unparalleled destruction to her on a silver platter. He’d have to handle this so, so delicately. And Aelin was a queen. And he was blood sworn to another. 

Their hands parted, and Rowan felt the loss of her power like a blow to the face. He met her eyes, wide with shock and exhilaration.

“So.” Aelin started.

“Yeah.” He breathed, smiling at her.

She grinned at him, a lovely smile, wide and unrestrained. “Carranam.” 

“Carranam.” He confirmed.

-x-

Rowan had combed his hair, washed his face and put on his least dirty tunic. He was ready to head down to the festivities, but he and Aelin were going to go down together, and she was still holed up in the bathroom, getting ready. He was sharpening one of his knives, the rhythmic noise calming him, still reeling from the afternoon’s events. After they’d parted, he and Aelin had headed back to the fortress, splitting off to help with the preparations. Him, to help with the decorations, Aelin, to help (eat) the food prep in the kitchens. 

The door on the other end of the room opened, and Aelin walked out. She wore thick dark blue pants, clinging tightly to her long legs, with polished, black boots reaching up to her knees. A dark green tunic, embroidered with silver, hugged her lithe body. Her eyes had been illuminated with cosmetics, and her lips painted a dark brown, her skin flawless. Comfortable, simple, classy. Beautiful. 

Aelin smiled at his staring, and he quickly recovered, standing and offering her his arm.

“Look at you, buzzard, all gentlemanly.” She grinned, taking his arm.

“I did have court training, you realise.”

“Could have fooled me.” She said with a wink.

A couple of minutes later, they’d reached the party, set in a wide, barren valley, the shouts of merry revelers music on the ears. People leaped over two low bonfires at either end of the gathering, and demi-fae were gathered around a great bonfire in the centre, reaching high enough that Rowan had to crane his neck to see the tip of the flames. A table laden with platters of savoury meals and sweet delicacies was over the other end, and it was no surprise that Aelin immediately made a beeline for the table, weaving through the dancers swaying to the lilting music. That female ate enough for three fully-grown males.

He followed her over to the table, grabbing a savoury pastry and chewing on it, turning to face the revelry. Aelin came up beside him, wordlessly passing him a mug of ale.  He sipped it, glancing at Aelin’s pile of food and smirking slightly. 

For a while, they just stood, side by side, watching the party. At least until Aelin hissed at him-

“Stop making that face.”

“What face?”

“With you glowering at everyone, nobody will ask me to dance.”

“I’m not glowering.” As he said it, he caught a growl in his throat aimed at a male who’d looked a little too long at her.

“Yes, yes you are.”

“I’m not stopping you from dancing, Princess.”

“Fine.” He glanced over at her annoyed tone, to find her draining her mug of ale, giving him a spiteful look, before slipping to the crowd of dancing bodies.

Rowan tried to follow her with his eyes, but the crowd was so dense, he only caught glimpses of golden hair or a flash of sparks here and there. He turned to monitor the jumpers, the bonfires burning low enough for the demi-fae to leap over. He’d never quite understood the tradition, often seemed stupid or childish. It was supposed to honour the gods, to pray for a good harvest. And after Lyria died, he’d stopped praying to any of the gods. They were long gone.

For a while, he just stared at the flames, mesmerised, lost in his won thoughts. He stared for so long his eyes started to ache. 

His ears picked up a bright, lilting laughter, and he turned as Aelin stumbled out of the crowd, flushed and sweaty. All of a sudden, it was too much. The noise of the crowd, the scents, the fire, the laughter and smiles. 

Aelin latched onto his arm, giggling hysterically. He could smell the ale wafting off her breath, and he wrinkled his nose in displeasure. She grabbed the mug from his hands, raising it to her lips and draining it. 

He shook her off, and she seemed unabashed by his rejection, waving her hand as if trying to cool down.

He sent a cooling breeze her way, and she moaned. The sound sent a rush of arousal through him, and he felt his skin tighten. The tilt of her neck, the way her back arched ever so slightly, the parting of her lips-

She grinned at him, slightly manically, and he raised an eyebrow at her. 

“Why don’t you dance, buzzard?” Her words were slightly slurred, and he rolled his eyes, irritated. 

“I don’t enjoy dancing.”

“It’s so fun!” Aelin clapped her hands in enthusiasm, her blue eyes shining, “you’ve got plenty of women admirers, buzzard.”

“Not interested,” he replied. Indeed, he’d had several men and women alike approach him, but he’d always declined politely. Rowan started to feel too many eyes upon him, too many bodies pressed in a too tight space. His breathing became slightly uneven.

“You’ve got plenty of men admirers too, if you want to dance with-”

“I don’t want to dance, Aelin.” He cut her off sharply. A slight tremor shook through him.

“Grumpy, grumpy.” She poked his cheek, right over his tattoo, and he growled back her, 

“Aelin. Gods. Stop. Just stop. I don’t want to dance, I don’t want to drink, I don’t want to chat or gossip or whatever the FUCK it is that you want to do. Just leave. Me. Alone. I don’t care what you think, or who you are, or what you think of my dancing habits. I. Don’t. Care. Got it?” His volume had increased towards the end, and a couple of party-goers around them had stopped to stare. 

Aelin had flinched back slightly, hurt flickering across her face and echoing in her eyes.

He snarled once, and when she didn’t move, he stormed off, heading in the direction of the fortress.

-x-

Rowan was already in bed when Aelin returned, several hours later, but he remained on his side, his eyes closed and forcing his breathing to remain deep and even. 

She quietly went about her business, quietly enough to suggest she’d sobered up. She didn’t try to talk, to wake him up, to demand he give an explanation for what an ass he’d been. She just softly prepared for bed, as if trying not to disturb him, and somehow, it was almost worse than if she’d shouted at him. He’d been an idiot, but everything in that moment had suddenly become so overwhelming and he’d gotten a rush of panic and adrenaline. He’d apologise tomorrow, give himself time to sleep it off.

Aelin slipped on another of those absurd nightgowns, before washing her face and blowing out the candles before easing herself into the bed next to him.

‘Tomorrow’, was his last thought before he drifted off into a fitful sleep.

 Tags: @bookworm232020​ @brandyovereager​ @sanakapoor​ @faerie-queen-fireheart​ @alyx801​ @kendallambrosio​ @tottenhamboys20​

Let me know if you’d like to be added/removed from my tag list! 

[misslittykitty]

I Don’t Need A Hero

Titel: I Don’t Need A Hero

Characters: Steve, Y/N, OC Gabe (no pairing)

Prompt: “I’m not a damsel in distress, I’m a damsel doing damage.” (bolded in story)

Warning: 1st person reader, nothing else

Word count: 2,255 word

A/N: This was written for Kaytees1000FollowerChallenge.- Dear @kayteewritessteve​ I am so, so sorry this took me ages to write. I had more than half of it already written but then with everything corona going on and my mental health taking a turn for the worse during summer, I couldn’t bring myself to write at all. But now, finally, I found a good ending and was able to finish. I hope that you like it even though it’s way, way too late. Big hugs to you.

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I Don’t Need A Hero

Steve let the pen fall out of his hand and, with a sigh, stretched his arms high over his head. Looking up at the clock, he realized with surprise that it was already 9.15 p.m. and therefore after closing time. His gaze went back to the paperwork on his desk which had held his complete attention for the past hour.

Deciding that he was done for the day, Steve got up. He arched his back to stretch out the muscles while turning to the offices’ windowfront to overlook the training area.

He counted four of his regulars still finishing up their workout or collecting their bags to head out and one of his instructors, Gabe, cleaning and stowing away equipment. The boxing ring which had been occupied by Bucky and Sam last time he’d checked, was now empty

A movement at the back of the training area caught his attention and he focused on the person at one of the punching bags. It only took him a few seconds to know he’d never seen her before.

His lips formed into a crooked smile as he watched her punch and pummel the bag with a lot of determination but not much else. Wondering why none of his staff had at least instructed her with the bare minimum, he headed for the office door and down the stairs.

His intention of directly approaching the woman was diverted when he passed Gabe at one of the equipment racks.

“Bucky and Sam already left?” he asked unable to hide his grin. Gabe returned it while shaking his head.

“Yeah, and both were still alive when they did. And bickering like an old married couple”, Gabe replied while he continued to wipe down one of the benches. “I’m really, truly amazed they’ve not yet seriously injured one another.”

“Nah, they won’t. Deep down, they like each other”, Steve said with a smirk, “at least, that’s what I keep telling myself.”

Gabe threw his head back laughing before he went on to pick up several skipping ropes. Those too received a thorough wipe-down.

“By the way, what’s the deal with the woman back there?” Steve wanted to know and motioned with one hand to the back of the gym. Gabe hung up the ropes he was holding and closed the locker before he shrugged.

“Oh man, she walked in a couple minutes past nine, slammed fifty bucks on the counter and asked to just punch something for a few minutes”, he explained, holding up his hands in a ‘Don’t ask me’ kind of gesture.

“And you just let her?”

“Sorry, Steve, really but I was already in my close-up routine and got no time to argue. It’s fifty bucks for our coffee fund, man. I didn’t think it would hurt anyone,” Gabe replied and shrugged again.

“Yeah well, not anyone but her.” Steve rolled his eyes at Gabe and continued his way. He’d just noticed that a) she was wearing a white and blue striped blouse, a black skirt reaching to her knees and high-heeled strappy pumps  - in short, clothes entirely not suited for this kind of workout - and, even worse, b) no hand protection whatsoever. If she hadn’t already severely bruised her knuckles, she would in the next few minutes with the way she was going at it.

Approaching her cautiously from the side to not startle her overly much, he came to a stop right next to the punching bag.

“Ma’am, are you alright?”

------

I had no idea how I’d ended up in this place. All I knew was that I’d desperately wanted to get away from my apartment. And on my mad dash, anger started to boil up inside me, growing quickly and evolving into the urgent need to hit something, anything. Hard.

A gym sign had registered even in my agitated state of mind and I’d simply walked in, put some cash on the counter and asked for a punching bag.

After that, everything else had faded away. Almost all thoughts had fled my mind, leaving me with the image of him projected onto the punching bag and I’d gone to town. Swinging my fists to punch and pummel his face wearing that unbelievably gentle, stupid ass smile – the last thing I’d seen before running from the apartment with tears blurring my vision.

I still couldn’t believe how everything had gone downhill. We’d been so happy once, not too long ago even. Where had we taken the wrong turn? And why? But I was tired, so very tired of thinking these thoughts, these never-ending questions which had been going round and round in my head for the past hour.

“Ma’am, are you alright?”

The voice startled me momentarily and delayed my next punch by a millisecond. But I kept going, letting my fists connect with the bag again and again while mumbling out, “I’m fine.”

“It’s just that…you forgot to use gloves and didn’t even wrap your hands.”

“It’s fine, I don’t need it”, I replied curtly, concentrating on the target in front of me and simply continuing to hit the bag with as much force as I could muster. Which sadly wasn’t a lot.

“I could show you how it’s done”, he said, an upbeat tone to his voice.

Heaving a deep sigh, I stopped my actions and turned toward the intruder. The second I laid eyes on him, recognition set in causing a slight shiver (probably of nerves) to run down my back and my eyes to widen for a moment.

Then I sighed again and said, ”Listen, thanks for the offer but I don’t need a hero. I’m not a damsel in distress, I…I’m a damsel doing damage, okay?”

It was his turn to widen his eyes before he had the audacity to smirk and shrug. Putting one hand on his hip, he lifted the other to gesture at nothing while saying, “Sure, go ahead, damage away. But the way I see it, going on like you have, the only thing you’ll really damage is yourself.”

I stared at him, lost for words, lost for even the tiniest reaction to what he said. Inside my head, his words reverberated around and around, creating an echo but instead of fading away it increased in volume, screaming, and screaming the words “The only thing you’ll really damage is yourself”.

And I promptly burst into tears. The anger, the rage which had held me up and had kept me going vanished and I felt myself deflate. My sight blurred by tears, I made a grab for something to hold, to keep myself upright and found a forearm – an extraordinarily strong forearm – being offered.

By touch alone – because I couldn’t see anything through this onslaught of saltwater pouring from my eyes – I managed to find his upper arm and eventually his shoulder to cry on. Which I did for an unknown amount of time.

-----

When I’d somewhat calmed down, I noticed that he’d walked me over to one of the benches and had sat down with me there.

His shirt bore the real signs of my outburst, wet tearstains all along his right shoulder. Heat rose up my neck and I averted my gaze while embarrassedly wiping at the lingering moisture on my cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” I said with a sniffle. “And…well, thank you, I guess.”

“Don’t mention it,” he replied, withdrawing his arm from around me now that he knew I had calmed down. “Uhm…what brings you here, anyway? Haven’t seen you around before.”

His question made me snort so hard, snot threatened to burst from my nostrils. Blushing even more, I put up my left hand to try and stop the flow.

Meanwhile, the man…okay, let’s be honest here: I knew who he was, I had recognized him right away…. So, meanwhile, Steve Rogers aka Captain America chuckled and got to his feet to collect some paper towels which he then handed to me.

Mumbling a soft thank you, I blew my nose and, while I was at it, dried the last spots of tear residue from my cheeks.

“Who thought to make crying so messy, hu?” I said, more as a statement than a question and Steve chuckled again.

“Probably the same asshole who invented nosebleeds and asthma”, he replied to my surprise and I burst out laughing.

“Sounds about right,” I said but felt the grin fading from my lips as his earlier question still hung unanswered in the air between us. I sighed, hoping for the right words to miraculously fall from up high directly onto my tongue but I ended up blurting out,” My marriage fell apart about an hour ago and I was so angry, so frustrated…and I came across this gym and needed to…just hit something.”

“Oh”, he said, sounding genuinely surprised and when I met his gaze, his eyes held a mixture of embarrassment, pity, and compassion. “I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, so am I”, I agreed, felt my shoulders sag again and looked away. For several minutes no on spoke, the only sounds those of the few clients and staff, clattering, footsteps, and in the distance, a shower running.

My eyes studied the floor, not daring to look up, straying only as far as to where his shoes met the linoleum.

“How…how long….” He trailed off just as quickly as he’d started to speak. I heard him clear his throat and lifted my gaze just in time to see him rubbing the back of his neck. He’d probably realized his question might come off insensitive.

I laughed without any real humor behind it and sighed, opting to just answer him anyway,” 7 years, the darned seventh-year itch. How cliché is that?”

“I can go and beat some sense into your husband,” Steve offered, signaling with a wink that he was joking, and I laughed, really laughed this time.

“Oh god, no. It’s not…well, he didn’t cheat on me or anything. It’s…we fell apart. Somewhere in the past year we’ve started to drift away from each other.”

I shrugged my shoulders, my lips forming a half smile before I continued, “And…well, I guess I’m just frustrated because I wasn’t really surprised. I mean when he brought up during dinner today that he wanted to separate…it should’ve come as a surprise. But it didn’t. It didn’t. And that’s when I knew.”

“What did you know?” he asked, and my gaze met his once again.

I shrugged again, my smile turning even more lopsided before I heaved a deep sigh. “That there is nothing for me to do but to accept that my marriage is truly over.”

My voice had taken on a slight tremble, tears once more started to burn behind my eyes. But I bit my lower lip, averted my gaze from his and tried to blink them away.

“Oh”, Steve said and added, “I’m truly sorry.”

For lack of a better response, I graced him with another of my grimaced smiles which he mirrored.

“Well, if you ever change your mind, just remember my offer stands.”

“Which one?” I inquired and upon the confused look on his face, I elaborated, ”Your offer of showing me how to box or to beat up my husband?”

Was it my imagination or did a slight blush creep across his cheeks when he chuckled and said, “Both, I guess?”

My smiled widened. “Thank you, Mr. Rogers. I really appreciate it.”

“Steve. Please call me Steve”, he corrected and held out his hand. “And you are?”

“I’m Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N”, I told him and took his hind to shake. Yet, the moment his hand closed around mine, I winced, let out a hiss and yelped “Ouch!”

Steve quickly took my hand into both of his and lifted it up. A small crease appeared on his forehead while he inspected my knuckles and when he met my gaze a few seconds later, the ‘I told you so’ was written all over his features.

“Don’t”, I warned him and shook my head. “Don’t you dare say, what you want to say. I know, okay?”

“How can you possibly know what I wanted to say?”

“Oh please”, you groaned, “your expression was screaming it very, very clearly.”

“Alright, fine”, he laughed, shaking his head. “I won’t say it, but I would recommend an icepack and maybe some arnica gel overnight.”

“Okay, advice taken”, I giggled and gently pulled my hand from between his. “And, well, thank you. For…”

I trailed off, saw his smile from out of the corner of my eyes.

“You’re welcome, Y/N. Anytime.”

“I should get going. So….” I said and motioned toward the exit.

“Yeah, okay. Have…well, despite everything have a good night then.”

We smiled at each other once again before I turned and walked toward the door. When there were only a few steps left to reach the front desk, I turned back around and called out, “Hey, Steve? Turns out that I did need a hero after all!”

The last thing I saw was him throwing back his head laughing and if that didn’t lift my spirits, nothing would.

Yeah, may words rang true. Maybe it had been fate that I’d chosen this particular gym. Maybe I had really needed a hero tonight.

[uwuwriting]

My OCs

Okay okay so these are my OCs, I’m sorry if their names aren’t really Japanese I googled most of their names back when I started creating them. I hope you enjoy them and well let's get started. I didn’t include Sky aka Shirakumos daughter even though technically she is one of my OCs, I felt that since I have introduced her in my fics *by name* I’ll leave her a rather blank slate for yall *I can describe her as well if yall want that though*. Hope you like them and yes some of the quirks were inspired by Avatar. Love ya💖💖💖

Kenushima Akane

 Akane is in her mid 20s, her birthday is on 30th of December making her a Capricorn and is part of our favorite villain group, the LoV. She was the eldest child of two pro heroes who married because it would satisfy the media and boost their careers. She had two younger siblings, the twins Annya and Arakan. She is around 5’7 (170cm) with fairly long auburn hair which are always braided so they don’t get in her way, amber eyes and a burn mark on her right shoulder from a small scuffle with our favorite fire user. Her hair and eyes become a dark red when she uses her quirk making her even more menacing. She wears a black mask over her eyes, keeping that way her identity a secret and a rather tight uniform consisting of black leather overall-shorts matched with a black-red plaid shirt and thigh highs with black military boots. Her weapon of choice is anything you can swing. Her quirk is a powerful blood bending type which she inherited from her mothers’ side. She can control the blood in someones’ system to the point of a heart attack or a stroke. Once the blood is out of the persons’ system she can still wield it, sharpening it into a blade like shape and cut through both flesh and bone, the new blood adding to the power of her makeshift blade. Her limits begin when she gets a nose bleed followed by either her eyes or ears starting to bleed as well; the final stage is giving herself a heart attack but she has never reached that point thankfully. It’s a self-destructive quirk since she pushes her body’s boundaries everytime she activates it, making her vulnerable to diseases after a particularly hard fight. She is a master of many forms of martial arts, kicking anyone's ass without even having to use her quirk.  Her family is wreck *lmao*. Since her parents married out of convenience the kids were results of moments of weakness between the two adults. Her household wasn’t very affectionate, partnered with her fathers’ constant absence and negligence and her mothers overly obsessive quirk demands, her relationships soon turned abusive. Excessive training and brutal punishments were her mothers’ tactics to ensure a picture perfect quirk state which she could boast about in the media. Her father was a decent figure during the sparse moments when he was actually in the house. He treated his kids with some trace of humanity and not like objects but he too didn’t really care. Everything went downhill when rumours of affairs surfaced and her mother lost her senses, killing their father on the kitchen floor before getting to the children. Akane tried to protect her siblings but was easily tossed aside by her mother and she doesn’t remember what actually happened that night. The only thing she knows for sure is that she was now an orphan and one sibling short, losing both her home and her brother that night. She didn’t stay in foster care for long since she dipped, joining a group of castaways called the Deck. Due to her quirk she was named the Queen of Hearts and became one of the most feared and powerful villains in Japan. Soon she joined the LoV after Shiggy approached her, officially meeting Dabi *who is her s/o btw lol*. She’s still close with her little sister Annya and owns a bookstore so she won’t have to steal. She has morals *shocker*, killing only those who have comitted crimes varying from abuse to murder or fraud. She is against useless killing and would prefer to clear the streets from scum rather than litter it with herself. She’s kinda like an anti-hero. She joined the LoV so she could have easier access to the insights of the hero industry and slowly help take out those hero frauds. She likes cooking Mexican food, her favorite animal is the fox and she is deathly afraid of spiders to the point she once burned her table using a lighter and hairspray because she had seen a spider on it. All in all she is a lovely person *I think*.

Kenushima Annya

Annya is 15 and part of class 1-A, her birthday is on the 3rd of January *like me heh* making her a Capricorn. She is the youngest of a twin set and has an older sister, while her parents were pros. She is around 5’7 (170cm) with shoulder length dark brown hair, amber eyes and faint lightning like scars scaling down both of her arms. Dark lavender streaks appear in her hair when she over uses her quirk and her scars shine the same color many times pulsating along with the surges of her blasts. Her uniform consists of a tight black crop top with azure and magenta details alongside black pants, black boots which are specially designed to give her extreme jumping power helping her also levitate for a short period so she can unleash her attacks and lastly gloves that cover almost all of her scars *also black with the same patterns as the top*. Has basic combat skills but she mostly prefers to rely on her quirk. Speaking of her quirk, she has a combo of a water and a lightning quirk making her able to easily electrocute others without short circuiting like Kami. She can control any form of water, making her easily overpowered in seaside missions but she can also control any liquid which has some water in it. However she cannot create water from thin air, like Shoto can make ice, and she can’t freeze it. Much like her sister she uses water mostly as a whip or a blade. Lightning is used mainly as one of her ultimate moves since she doesn’t have full control over it and it tends to hurt her scars when she does use it. She can let the purple strings of light course through her and hit her target with incredible force making her excellent for range attacks. Just like her sister she reaches her limits when her nose starts to bleed and she can pass out from dehydration  due to her quirk using up some of the water inside of her body with each attack. Now for her family life. She was a late bloomer and that was unacceptable according to her mother. She didn’t showcase signs of having a quirk until the age of 9 when her mother attacked her and her siblings. In a fit of rage and despair her mother tried killing her for ruining the familys’ image with her quirklessness. Her twin brother tried to save her from her mother *just like Akane did* only to be tossed aside as well, hitting the back of his head on a nearby table. Seeing both of her siblings on the ground *and almost being choked to death by her abuser* Annya activated her quirk, losing complete control over her powers resulting in her scars and the death of her mother. Arakan was pronounced dead on arrival leaving the two girls the only surviving members of the Kenushima family. After Akane’s disappearance, Annya was moved from home to home for about a year before being adopted by a couple and living as much of a normal life as she could. Her mental health isn’t the best as one can imagine, suffering from PTSD from the incident and having self hating tendencies. Becoming a hero is her way of proving to herself that she’s not a monster and that she can indeed help others. In class 1-A she tends to hang out with the Dekusquad and two other girls who I’ll introduce down the line. Her hero name is Electra and her s/o is Shoto *lol siblings are dating siblings tf*. She likes Autumn and Winter, loves going ice skating, has many plants in her room and loves watching horror movies with her friends.

Aizawa Kaiya

Kaiya is 15 and part of class 1-A despite her father being the homeroom teacher. Her birthday is on the 19th of June making her a Gemini. She sports the legendary jet black hair, her hair is also pretty long so she always has to braid it or put it up in a ponytail and she has egirl bangs *I don’t know how else to describe them*. Her eyes are a striking azure and she has dyed the tips of her hair the same color. Ya girl is shorter than the Kenushimas, barely reaching 5’2 (160cm). Her hero costume consists of black cargo pants with multiple pockets, a black turtleneck and chest straps(?) around her waist and collarbone finishing the look with black military boots. Sometimes she might wear a gas mask which helps her control her breathing.  Now for her quirk. It’s some type of psychic power, she can hear people’s thoughts making it easy for her to know what they are about to do, giving her the upper hand almost every time, but she can aslo channel her own and others thoughts and make dark shards out of them. These shards can be thrown with amazing speed or create a protective wall in front and above her. Her quirk ,though drains her very easily, making it hard to breath and walk in a straight line. She gets light headed while the voices inside her head get overly loud. Through practice she can push her boundaries and use more of her quirks’ power. Lastly in order for her to hear your thoughts she needs to see you. Once she sees you for even a quarter of a second, she can see into your head even long after you have left her line of sight. Her family life is very calm compared to the Kenushimas. She is the daughter of Aizawa’s sister who vanished when Kaiya was five. Having no one else to care for her since her real father wasn’t in the picture, Aizawa took his niece in and raised her as his own. She was too little to remember her mother and for years she believed that Shouta was her actual dad but Dadzawa did tell her the truth. Nothing really changed, she still calls him dad and they have a lovely father-daughter relationship. She loves Eri and loves being her older sister, playing with her, doing her hair and taking her to the dorms to meet her friends. She has a pet cat named Majesty who she uses to bribe Aizawa to buy snacks. She likes rainy days, beating Shinsou’s ass during training, being pinned by Shinsou while training, Halloween, cats and fluffy blankets. She is friends with mostly Annya, Shinsou and Sky but she doesn’t mind hanging out with the Deku or the Baku squads. Her hero name is Calypso. Her s/o is Shinsou much to Aizawa’s dismay. He is salty because this happened right under his nose, Dadzawa was too busy looking out for the 1-A boys that he completely ignored his trainee pinning his daughter down during training *he is really glad that she likes Shinsou bc he knows that he is a good kid*.

TAG TEAM AY: 

@the-arcana-fan-fic @angelwritings @axerrri @reinyrei @bemorefiction @dnarez @dark-thoughts-and-red-roses @threeamwriting @ezoyscorner @letscheereachotheron @wolfkid22

[ace-in-a-shopping-cart]

Director’s Cut Chapter 4: Escape and Meeting

Director’s cut chapter 3

Virgil was woken the next morning when the transition from fins to legs happened. Luckily, it wasn’t as painful as Virgil thought it would be. It felt like his tail and the fins that crept up his sides had simply fallen asleep, a pins and needles kind of pain. The fins on his sides seemed to flatten and retreat into his skin. His tail split apart, starting from the median notch in between his flukes. That pain was a bit sharper but nothing he couldn’t handle. Soon, the scales were almost melting into skin, and he was left with nothing but his shirt. The only piece of clothing he had came down to the middle of the leg, what the pirates called ‘knees’.

Virgil had a full turn of the moon to get used to having legs and knees as, through the gap in the tarp, he watched the pirates go about their days and he waited for an opportunity to escape. His tank was just long enough that he could stand and walk a few steps. It was hard at first, like a newborn human must walk. Eventually, he understood how to do it. The rocking of the boat and the confines of the tank must have made his walking pattern weird and unlike most humans’. He saw the way the pirates walked and tried to follow that but understood that they were most likely the exception and not the rule based on how the cliff figure walked. He tried to match the way Logan walked but it was hard when all he had to go off were memories created at a distance. He follows the visual example better than the memory. I’m not sure if every ADHDer is a visual learner but I know I am and as Virgil’s ADHD is based on my own it was important to me that this be included.

The day to escape arrived sooner than Virgil thought it would but, judging by the phases of the moon, it was still a week or two after Remy showed up. Most of the pirates, including Remus, had gone down to the town for a break while the sun was high in the sky. The rest of the crew seemed to have gone into the ship for a nap or something. Either way, the coast was clear.

Virgil filled the cup with water and grabbed the scrap of paper before he slid out of the hole Remy made and landed heavily on the floor. His first steps outside of water were heavier than he thought they’d be as he didn’t have the water to cushion him. Needless to say, his steps alerted the pirates that he was moving.

He tried to go faster, feeling himself pick up speed. He had been unsure how fast or long he could go but soon figured out that it was at least a bit faster than the pirates as he made it over the gangplank and into the woods that surrounded the beach, pausing just long enough to empty the water into the sand, where it could be returned to its kind. Virgil knew the ship hadn’t moved from where he was first captured, the gangplank reaching all the way to the wooden structure jutting out from the beach, probably because the pirates wanted to see if anyone would come for him.

Knowing he was faster than the pirates, he pushed himself to his limit, running as if he were being chased by an angry kelpie instead of mere men. The same muscles he used for swimming were turned into muscles to be used for running, causing him to be able to have a higher stamina and endurance than the others. It didn’t help his subtlety as he had no idea how to avoid the smaller plants or the low hanging branches. This resulted in even more cuts along his legs, the ones from his tail having transferred over, and new ones forming on his face and arms and chest as he tried to block. The only direction he had was to keep the cliff to his right. If it was always there, he’d be running away from the pirates and that’s all that mattered in the moment. He couldn’t keep himself from shooting glances backwards, hoping to outrun the pirates.

Not looking where he was going, Virgil didn’t notice the large tree that laid in his path until he tripped over it. He rolled downhill for a little while, hands desperately reaching for anything that would stabilize him or slow his descent in any way. In time, he managed to hang onto a tree root that was sticking out of the side of the hill, stopping him in his tracks and letting him be deeply aware of the new cuts on his palms.

“Are you okay?” A voice sounded from behind Virgil.

He spun around, hands still clenched around the root, looking for the person who spoke. Finding that he was at a level enough area that it was safe to release the root, he did so. Standing, he tried to brush himself off but was met with bloody palms. “You know, I don’t know if I am.” He said by way of a response, still breathing heavily.

A hand came to rest on his shoulder, causing his eyes to move from his palms up to the stranger’s eyes. This, in turn, caused him to realize that the stranger wasn’t as much of a stranger as he thought. He found those seaglass blue eyes staring at him, laced with concern and compassion in a way that oddly made Virgil feel safe and like crying at the same time. “Can I help at all?” The cliff figure, Logan’s, voice was smooth and soft, like he was speaking to a spooked sea otter.

Virgil shrugged, feeling tears gather in his eyes even as he wanted to bury his head in the stranger’s chest, searching for a comfort he would usually find in his siblings. “I don’t know.” ADHDers have a lack of emotional regulation, resulting in Virgil’s emotions being larger than life.

Logan nodded as if he understood exactly what Virgil just said. “Well, may I ask why you were running through the woods in nothing but what looks to be a potato sack?”

Virgil looked down at his garment, seeing it was quite torn from the run. “I was running from someone.”

The man nodded, removing his hand from Virgil’s shoulder. Virgil mourned the loss of contact. Logan untied a black and white piece of cloth from around his waist, tying it around Virgil’s with the knot on his hip. He nodded as if satisfied before walking over to a contraption Virgil recognized from Logan’s many trips to the cliff. It was some device that he was able to sit on and travel distances that mers were usually only able to travel if they tamed a kelpie, which was hard and extremely dangerous. Virgil was wary of the land kelpie that didn’t look like a kelpie, taking a step away from it.

Logan seemed to notice him do that. “It’s alright, I’m not going to leave you.” As if that were to help calm Virgil down.

His ears pricked as he heard the sounds of people in the plants behind him. He took a few hesitant steps closer as Logan opened a chest-like compartment in the back of the land kelpie. He grabbed what seemed to be a head covering and thrust it into Virgil’s hands. “Hurry and put this on, I can hear the people gaining on you.”

Virgil did as he was told, sliding the head covering on and latching the strap. Once he did that, Logan came over and checked the strap, his own head covering already on. “It looks good. Okay, hop on.”

He straddled the land kelpie, his hands gripping what looked to be horns protruding from the front. Virgil didn’t like the look of the horns but they didn’t look sharp enough to do any damage so he slid on behind Logan, the seat causing them to be quite close together. Logan looked back at him, his eyes shining with something Virgil couldn’t name. “Hold on tight.”

Virgil did so, his arms wrapping around Logan’s waist and locking into the fabric of the front of his shirt. Logan did something to cause the land kelpie to roar and they were off, leaving the woods behind in favor of a long stretch of open land. The wind was too much and Virgil ended up with his face in Logan’s back, breathing his scent deeply. Virgil had never been good with earth scents but Logan smelled like the woods they just left and seawater. He smelled as close to home as Virgil had smelled for weeks and he couldn’t get enough.

✴ ✴ ✴

Logan let out a loud laugh as the wind buffeted his hair, his leather jacket wrapped snugly around him along with the stranger’s arms. His motorcycle roared as he hit the gas, not only wanting to get away from whoever was chasing the poor man but also desperate to be home and having his wounds cared for. He drove down the highway before using the exit that took him to the area in which his home resided. He had planned on visiting the cliff he usually went to at this time of day, having finally gotten a clean bill of health from his doctor after three weeks of bedrest, only to be sidetracked by an interesting looking feather on the ground. He’d never seen it before and knew it didn’t come from any local wildlife.

However, he’d been distracted by the handsome stranger falling down the hill to his right. The man was covered in cuts and bruises that couldn’t have all come from the undergrowth and low hanging branches. He had a wild look in his stormy gray eyes when he was falling, a look that came from being caged or lost in the wilderness. When he had stopped sliding, he’d been breathing heavily and his legs were unsteady as a newborn deer’s, his hair that looked black but would be purple when dry sticking to his scalp and covering an eye. Logan had tried to be gentle and kind but the man looked like he was about to cry when he turned around. So, Logan did the only thing he could in that moment: offer help. Now, the man was holding onto him as if he’d never let go and Logan’s heart ached for him.

Director’s cut chapter 5

[aurora-nuova]

👀

Thank you lots for sending one in! 💙

I am so sorry for making you wait but as you know my health went downhill. As thanks for waiting and a sort of apology, I made the draft snippet a bit longer.

Rude Love (CH 04)

(MadaTobi, Modern AU) snippet of my unfinished draft, link to the story will be in next post)

The albino cracked a helpless smile at his uncharacteristically silly thought. This whole crush affair had been making him have weird trains of thought for quite some time now.

Well, speaking of investigations, his own this morning had also revealed that he had to share a room and much worse, even a bed with said detective after both of the men had lost a poll his Anija had come up with that he couldn’t even recollect partaking in.

Fantastic.

It wasn’t really that he hated the idea of sharing a room with the man in itself or anything akin to that. Much the opposite actually if he were to be completely honest.

Tobirama had even felt hesitantly hopeful when his Anija had suggested—or rather begged him—to agree to randomly decide who would share a room. Had even hoped that the odds would be on his side so that he could share a room with the older Uchiha.

But that had been when he still had believed that the two rooms up for selection provided two single beds each. There hadn’t been any information about one of them being a double bed or he wouldn’t have agreed to the poll in the first place.

Was Hashirama trying to push him to an early death?

His siblings all knew of his feelings, after all. And had been exposed to the revelation not too recently either. It had been quite a while ago when he surprisingly had realized that getting closer to the older Uchiha was something he actually was interested in.

Feelings were a difficult subject to successfully tackle for the albino and it had taken him a few years and a lot of probing talks with his best friend but at some point he had finally realized that his weird fixation with the older Uchiha had been due to romantic feelings. Feelings he had not been able to interpret without Izuna’s help.

Izuna, his favourite, slash best bet for an ally when the machinations of inter-human behaviour and relationships reached a point where they only left him confused. Understanding all the nuances and meanings in communication was often rather difficult for him, unfortunately, and siblings loved to tease each other, while asking his then yet not sister-in-law had been simply too embarrassing.

At first, the younger Uchiha had not been thrilled about his revelation of love but after some time his best friend had been able to make peace with the thought and had supported him—still was. Which the albino was grateful for because knowing why he had felt terrible and moody whenever the older Uchiha had brought over another new romantic partner to introduce to Mito and Hashirama had not made it any easier for him. Not at all, no.

Logically speaking, he had been well aware that their age gap and his rather late start into puberty had not helped in making the older Uchiha see him in a more romantic context but apparently his heart had not been capable to understand that little fact—or well, that had been what Izuna had tried to explain to him back then. The head and heart did not always agree on matters and only because one understood something on a logical level did not automatically mean that the feelings would follow suit without any hiccups.

Fortunately, they all were adults now and the age gap didn’t have as much weight nor meaning anymore; he too had grown into his body years ago. While there had been a point when Madara and even Izuna had been taller than him, thankfully he had long since passed his best friend and even grown an inch or so taller than the older Uchiha himself.

Plus, Madara had been single for quite some time now and thus sharing a room and getting to know each other better had sounded like a good plan of actions.

At least, in theory.

Unfortunately, the reality apparently revealed the opposite. After all, being shaken awake by the Uchiha falling out of bed—that was his educated guess at least—because he wanted to get away from him as soon as possible did not bode well for the supposed desire to get to know each other, did it?

He sighed for the nth time.

Of course, one could now make educated guesses as to which of the many possible reasons had been the older man’s motivation to flee.

Had it been because the albino had freed himself of his pants? Maybe the idea to share a bed so intimately with Hashirama’s little brother had been too off-putting? Or maybe the albino had come too close? Or—

His phone vibrated next to his leg and he picked it up to look at the screen.

Did you get any??? Tobirama scowled at the message Kawarama had just sent him in confusion before his phone vibrated again. You’ll never believe what just happened! I accidentally sent the exact same thing to Madara LOL

The albino’s eyes widened and he quickly unlocked the phone before his fingers started typing. What? Explain! Just as he sent off the message, he suddenly heard the door to the room click open.

Oh no

Apparently Madara was back and he hadn’t even started getting ready yet.

He looked down at the sleep mussed blanket and disheveled shirt covering him, glasses riding down his nose with the movement.

TBC

[vikingpoteto]

we don’t have to dance (to the beat of their songs)

Chapter 2 on AO3

______________________

Relationships:  (Gen) Tim Drake & Jason Todd

Tags: Battle for the Cowl, Alternate Canon, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Mental Health Issues, Past Child Neglect, Domestic Fluff, Canon is not valid I am, and I want them to be friends goddamnit

Summary: In the middle of their battle, Jason asks Tim to leave the nest and be his Robin. Tim decides it's not a bad idea, after all. ________________________

When Tim wakes up, he thinks he’s hallucinating. Partly because his almost everything hurts, and whatever else left feels tender and sore. Mostly because he thinks Robin is rescuing him. That can’t be right, though. Dick Grayson hasn’t been Robin  — or that small  — for many years. Jason Todd certainly hasn’t…

Tim groans. Jason. He was supposed to solve things. He was supposed to fix things up after Jason was gone. Deal with the damage when Jason got back. Give Jason another chance because he knew Robin  — his Robin  — couldn’t be that bad.

“Come on, you deadweight,” Robin mumbles. “How pathetic can you get? You don’t have any mortal wounds. What are you doing, napping on the dirty ground like that?”

Well, that certainly is not Dick Grayson. First because Dick could never sound that obnoxious. And the small detail that Tim knows Dick is an adult man now.

“Damian…?” he mutters numbly.

“We got ya, mate,” another familiar voice, this one lot friendlier. Squire.

Tim is out again in a matter of seconds, utterly confused about the fact that Squire is there and Damian is dressed as Robin. All he knows is that he failed utterly and completely. He was supposed to fix things, and somehow he made everything worse. Everything that went downhill started with Tim Stupid Drake letting his useless ass get into a mess he was never prepared for. Jack used to tell him to be proud of himself in the same breath he told him his arrogance was unbecoming. Children are supposed to be seen, not heard.

He lets unconsciousness take him. His last thought is that he hopes he doesn’t wake up, so that he doesn’t have to deal with all the consequences of his mistakes.

Then Tim wakes up, because Tim can never get what he wants. At first, he doesn’t remember where he is and why everything hurts so much. Did he oversleep? That would make sense. He found out that, if he went for too long without sleep, by the time he eventually crashed his body would stay unconscious for way too long, and he would wake up all stiff and sore.

With a bit of effort, he starts opening his eyes. The first thing he notices is that he’s at the cave. It wouldn’t be the first time he passed out there, but…

Oh, that’s right. He fought Jason again. He got his ass handed back to him again. He barely remembered what happened; all he knew is that he took a huge risk and it didn’t pay off. Dick must have saved him after all  — leaving that note letting him know Tim was going to do something stupid was, in retrospect, actually smart.

He blinks slowly and turns to the side when he hears familiar voices. If Dick is coming to check on him, Tim must make sure to apologize for his recklessness and thank him profusely. He knew there was a huge chance of him being a hindrance rather than useful, but he took the chance anyway.

Instead of Dick, however, it’s Batman who walks into his field of vision. Tim freezes. So he finally accepted it. Dick decided to take the cowl after all. Tim almost smiles in relief  — the fact that his jaw is throbbing certainly keeps his expression in check  — because that’s a good thing, right? If his mess of a plan resulted in Dick finally stepping up to the task, then it had been worth it.

(Part of him feels a little guilty. Dick repeatedly said that he didn't want to be Batman but... This is fine, right? Dick is the only one who can. The only one good enough. This will be good for him, too… right?)

It doesn’t look like Dick noticed Tim is awake. He walks to the batmobile with practiced fortitude and, for a moment, he looks so much like Bruce that Tim feels a lump in his throat. The fanboy in him also laments that he’s about to miss Dick’s first patrol as Batman  — it has to be the first, there’s no way a simple beatdown got Tim asleep for longer than a night  — and he considers calling out and asking to tag along anyway, as unlikely as it is that he’ll get an yes.

Then a smaller person stalks into view, and the lump in Tim’s throat positively doubles in size: it’s Robin. Robin, wearing a smaller version of Tim’s uniform. Younger, newer, stronger, better. The arrogance in his posture is familiar, and even if it wasn’t there are very few suspects. Damian Wayne is wearing the Robin uniform. Damian Wayne is getting in the batmobile with Dick Grayson. A new Batman, a new Robin. Tim struggles to sit up, but neither hero notices him. They take off, the sound of the engine revving up drowning Tim’s pathetic attempt at speaking up.

“Master Timothy!”

Strong hands grab him by the shoulders, hauling him up before Tim even realizes he was falling from the cot. He lets Alfred delicately adjust him back into a semi-comfortable position for half  a second before he springs back up.

“What — ” he croaks, his voice horribly hoarse from lack of use. “Al…”

“My boy, breathe,” Alfred commands, again holding him still. “It’s all right. You’re safe.”

Except nothing is alright. Tim resists and, hurt as he is, he could’ve easily got himself free. Not without hurting Alfred, though, and Tim doesn’t think he could do that even if his life depended on it. Instead, he squirms uselessly until Alfred finally manages to push him back into his pillow.

“Master Timothy, don’t make me tie you to the bed. You know I’m not above it if you’re being unreasonable.”

“Batman and Robin left,” Tim protests, his voice betraying his confusion. It almost sounds as though he’s in fear.

Something flashes across Alfred’s face  — worry?  — but it vanishes fast enough, giving place to the expression a father wears while gently, but firmly chastising his child.

“If you let me check your vitals, I’ll gladly inform you of what happened while you were unconscious. Do we have a deal? Will you stay put if I let you go?”

Tim slowly nods. Alfred takes a step back. The boy sits up, but he does so carefully. A sign that he’s tired of lying down rather than a rebellion. Alfred accepts that with a satisfied smile before turning to the medical supplies that had been carefully placed by Tim’s cot. Vitals check  is a process they’ve done enough times that neither needs to pay full attention to it.

“So?” Tim requests. Demands.

“You’ve been resting for almost 17 hours. You don’t have any serious wounds, so I reckon your prolonged rest was caused by sheer exhaustion rather than actual injuries.” Alfred gives him a pointed look.

Tim ignores it. “What happened to Jason?”

Those words have an effect on the butler, whose shoulders go stiff even if he does his best to hide his discomfort.

“I’m sure Master Dick can tell you in better detail when he returns. The short version is… we don’t know where he is.” At this point, he pauses, as though measuring his words carefully, or as though he doesn’t want to admit what he has to tell Tim next. Tim doesn’t pressure him.“He fought Master Dick and lost. We believe he thought you were gone. Master Damian was able to rescue you, thankfully.”

Tim doesn’t think Jason was stupid enough to think he was dead. Especially because Tim wasn’t even trying to pretend to be dead. He could’ve. Bruce had taught him how. It didn’t even occur to him to do so, because, despite everything, it was Jason. Jason was a Robin. He was angry, sure, and Tim didn’t fully blame him. Not after he heard Bruce’s testament.

However, for once, Jason isn’t Tim’s main concern.

“Damian didn’t rescue me,” he says. “Robin did.”

Alfred pretends the task of making sure Tim doesn’t have a concussion is a lot more demanding than it really is. He’s clearly avoiding the accusation in Tim’s voice.

“Seems like you’re all good, my boy. Your head is more resistant than it seems, it looks like. I should warn you that one of your teeth has been broken, though.”

“Alfred…”

The butler sighs. “It’s not my place to tell you about Master Dick’s decisions, Master Timothy,” he says and Tim’s stomach sinks. “I’m sure he’ll talk to you once he returns.”

Except it is Alfred’s place. It is exactly his place, his right. Tim never quite understood why Alfred chooses to stand on the sidelines. Alfred knows damn well he isn’t simply an employee, he’s family. His snide remarks and gentle chastising are one thing, but, when push comes to shove, Alfred tends to only offer advice when asked for. He lets them sort themselves out. If he wanted, he could do more, get the others to do more, or at least Tim is almost sure of it. Could it be that he got tired of being ignored by Bruce by the time the kids joined the crusade? Does it have anything to do with Jason’s death, like most of the problems in the family seem to revolve around?

At another time, Tim would’ve asked. As it is now, there is something gnawing at Tim’s gut, a feeling of inadequacy he hadn’t felt in quite a few years. When was the last time? When he was just starting as Robin? When Jason first tried to kill him? It was a swarm of butterflies in his stomach, and not the good kind, that started bugging him when Damian appeared but it didn’t bloom into an all out ache until tonight.

Tim felt the urge to go home as though he was overstaying his welcome in a stranger’s house, but his ride was late and there was nothing he could do about it. As though he was a meddling boy forcing himself into the life of a grieving man against his will. As though he had to work twice as hard, be three times as useful to make up for the fact that he was an unwanted appendix.

He doesn’t say anything else until Alfred clears him. He takes the pain medicine the butler gives him, even though he didn’t need them. He can barely feel the soreness of his body by now.

The next hours are a blur. Tim knows he takes off the rest of the uniform. He has half a mind to cringe at how painful it must have been to Alfred to treat him while he’s wearing Batman’s colors. He changes into his own clothes before going upstairs.

His room at Wayne manor doesn’t look like anything like his former room. His space used to be sacred, papers scared around among piles of dirty clothing and old comics. Some of the contents were incriminating, notes of cases Tim had no business meddling in, but it didn’t matter because uncaring maids wouldn’t bother reading and neither would his parents. The only things Tim bothered hiding were the pictures he took of Batman and Robin, because those were not his secrets to be reckless with.

Looking around at the room he’s occupying, there’s no mess on the floor. No dirty laundry in sight. His photography gear is neatly put away on a shelf  — when was the last time he took pictures just for fun?  — and his school books are lined up for easy access. Even the pile of papers on the desk were organized in a chaotic way.  It looks less like a room where you live in and more like a guest room. Like when you’re staying over at a friend’s house and you’re overzealous of your belongings to make sure your presence is not a hassle.

He thinks of his room back at Titans Tower. He had no secrets there, no worries about hiding documents or anything of the sort. Even when his teammates didn’t know his real name, they knew him. He was Robin and that was enough. Being Robin was enough.

(Except Young Justice is no more and Tim doesn’t think they can get back together. Not with Kon and Bart gone.)

Tim wonders if that means he always knew he wasn’t meant to stay. Then he shakes his head. This is his family. It isn’t that different from when he lived with his father, after all, the only difference is that then there were less people minding his secrets, so he didn’t have to be as careful. He is Tim Wayne now. This is all he has.

He does have it, right?

Dick said they’d be okay. Dick was the first person to fully accept him. Maybe it had started out of misplaced love, a way to compensate that he hadn’t been there for Jason, but Tim accepted what he could get and Dick had been his brother since.

Tim stays in his room for too long, but it feels like no time has passed when he hears the telltale noise of the grandfather clock moving downstairs. Someone is leaving the cave.

The boy hesitates, thinking himself selfish for a moment. A voice in his mind that sounds painfully like Kon’s tells him to stop being stupid. Tim reminds himself that this is his home, this is his family… This is his life . It’s not perfect, but you only work with what you get.

It’s not surprising to him that Dick’s at the computer when he gets into the cave. Bruce drilled into their heads that you always write a report as soon as you’re able. Unless you’re injured, reporting after patrol takes priority over everything. Even Tim and Barbara, known for their photographic memory, weren’t exempt of that rule.

It’s not surprising.

Then why is Tim so angry? Dick doesn’t owe him anything. Surely Alfred told him Tim was fine. Checking on him was unnecessary and.. and it was what Dick would’ve done a couple of months ago.

“Hey,” Tim calls and it sounds harsher than he meant.

Dick startles before turning around. It’s somehow unsettling to see the man in the Bat cowl show such a human emotion and that somehow makes Tim angrier.

“Tim,” Dick starts, the shadow of a smile on his lips. “Alfred said…”

“You gave my old uniform to Damian,” Tim cuts him off.

This is not what he planned. He was supposed to ask Dick for an explanation calmly. There’s now another voice in his mind  — should he be worried about those?  — and this one sounds like Janet Drake’s telling him that it’s unbecoming to bark like that. He should keep his emotions in check. And yet.

“You said we’d be okay,” he grits out. “My entire life has burnt down. Again. I don’t call this okay, Dick. ”

And this is Dick’s problem, how? Tim wonders. His mind’s Kon tells him that Dick is his brother. His mind’s Jack Drake tells him real men don’t whine like that.

Dick sighs. “He’s my responsibility now. You’re not my protege, Tim, you’re my equal. My closest ally. You’ll be okay. But him? You know better than anyone that left on his own, he’s going to kill again. You have to understand…”

“I don’t,” Tim cuts him off again, unusually impatient. This isn’t selfish, right? This is his. He knows it, because other than the mission... “This is all I have now.”

“Oh,” another voice joins them, “you’re still here?”

You’ve got to be kidding.

Tim turns around and sees red. There’s the demon child in Tim’s colors spewing crap about upgrading security to keep out outsiders. Tim knows he says something, but he doesn’t remember what (he hopes he didn’t reveal anything he didn’t want Dick to know) and he tries to leave. (He can’t bear to see that.) Damian keeps running his mouth. (Tim already knows he doesn’t belong, maybe a part of him always knew). Dick doesn’t intervene.

Not until Tim is trying to knock a tooth out of the brat’s gargantuan mouth.

The message is clear: Tim served his purpose. He isn’t a priority anymore.

When he storms off, there are no more meddling voices in his mind but his own. He can tell Dick is calling his name and he remembers a time in which he thought he was temporary. At first he had asked Dick to come back, only taking the mantle of Robin when Dick told him to. Tim accepted it, deciding he would be Robin for as long as Batman needed him and retire as soon as someone more fit of the mantle arrived.

This has always been the plan. It’s no one’s fault but Tim’s that he had forgotten it. That he allowed a temporary arrangement to take over his life - to the point where, not that the time is up, he’s left on his own. That the rightful owner took back a mantle Tim had borrowed.

Tim used to be alone all the time. This isn’t uncharted territory.