#but at this point i just can't with memorization as an adult

[zhongrin]

yk, while chinese is a nightmare to learn (for me at least) they're also such an interesting language... "来, 小姐!" hits a lot different than "miss, your order's ready!" but i can't really explain why hahahah

[vanessagillings]

I’m posting the ever-so-rare photo of myself alongside one of my characters based on my childhood because today is World Autism Acceptance Day, and I wanted to show my little corner of the internet who this particular autistic person is:  

I was officially diagnosed in February, at age 38 (I’m now 39). A lot of people thought I couldn’t be autistic.  Some people who know me in real life still don’t.  And until around 10 years ago, I didn’t think I could be either, because I was nothing like the stereotype media portrays. I was told that autistics lacked empathy (untrue), and never played make-believe (also often untrue) and only enjoyed STEM.  I was — and am — an empathetic artist -- and make believe?  I can spend days sketching finely bedecked bears brewing tea or carefully choosing the right words to weave tapestries of fiction — though perhaps my hyper focus was a bit of a red flag.  Even so, how could autism describe me?  I was a good student.  I got straight A's. I didn’t act out in class.  I can make eye contact…if I must.  And lots of girls hate having their hair brushed with an unholy passion, right?  Clearly I swim in sarcasm like a fish, so autism couldn't be why I was so anxious all the time, could it?

If someone had told me when I was younger what autism ACTUALLY is — instead of the nonsense I’d seen on screens — I would have seen myself in it.  I didn’t hear that autistics have sensory issues until I was in my mid-twenties, which is when I first began to really research autism symptoms, and I had almost all of them:  sensitivity to light, smells, fabrics, temperatures, textures, and certain touches, all of which make me feel anxious, I fidget (stim), I never know what the hell to do with my hands or where to look, I talk too little or too much, I have special interests, I have entire animated movies memorized shot-by-shot and can remember the first time and place I saw every movie I've ever seen but I often forget what I'm trying to say mid-sentence, I echo movies and tv shows (my husband and I have a whole repertoire of shared echolalias, making up about 20% of our conversations), I was in speech therapy as a kid, I have issues with dysnomia and verbal fluency, I toe-walk, I can't multitask to save my life, I like things just-so, I’m deeply introverted but not shy, I need to recover from all social interaction — even social interaction I enjoy — and I find stupid, every day things like grocery shopping, driving and making appointments overwhelming and intensely stressful, sometimes to the point where I struggle to speak.  It turns out, I am definitely autistic. My results weren't borderline. Not even close. And while these aren’t all of my challenges, and not everyone with these symptoms is autistic, it’s definitely something to look into if you present with all of these things at once. 

So why did it take me so long to get diagnosed? The same bias that exists in media threads through the medical community as well, and because I'm a woman who can discuss the weather while smiling on cue, few people thought I was worth looking into. Even after I was fairly certain I was autistic, receiving an official diagnosis in the US is unnecessarily difficult and expensive, and in my case, completely uncovered by my insurance.  It cost me over $4000, and I could only afford it because my husband makes more money than I do as a freelance illustrator — a job I fell into largely because it didn’t require in-person work; like many autists, I have been chronically underemployed and underpaid, in part due to physical illness in my twenties, which is a topic for another day.  But it shouldn’t be like this.  It shouldn’t be so hard for adults to receive diagnoses and it shouldn’t be so hard for people to see themselves in this condition to begin with due to misinformation and stereotypes. Like many issues in America, these barriers are even higher for marginalized groups with multiple intersectionalities. 

It’s commonly said that if you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person.  This is why it’s called a spectrum, not because there’s a linear progression of severity (someone who appears to have low support needs like myself might need more than it seems, and vice versa), but because every autistic person has their own strengths and weaknesses, challenges and experiences, opinions and needs.  No two people on the spectrum present in the same way.  And that’s a good thing!  No way of being autistic is inherently any better than any other, and even if someone on the spectrum struggles with things I don’t — or can do things I can’t — doesn’t make them more or less deserving of respect and human dignity.

But speaking solely for myself, the more I learn about autism, the happier I am to be autistic.  I struggle to find words and exert fine motor control, but my deep passion and fixation has made me good at art and storytelling anyway.  I find more joy watching dogs and studying leaf shapes on my walks than most people do in an entire day.  More often than not, the barriers I’ve faced weren’t due to my autism directly, but due to society being overly rigid about what it considers a valid way of existing.  My hope in writing this today is that maybe one person will realize that autism isn’t what they thought — and that being different is not the same as being less than. My hope with my fiction is to give autistic children mirrors with which to see themselves, and everyone else windows through which to see us as we actually are.

If you’re interested in learning more about autism or think you might be autistic, too, I recommend the Autism Self Advocacy Network  autisticadvocacy.org and the following books:

What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic by Annie Kotowicz

We're Not Broken by Eric Garcia

Knowing Why edited by Elizabeth Bartmess

Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD

Loud Hands edited by Julia Bascom

Neurotribes by Steve Silberman

(trigger warning: the last two contain quite a lot of upsetting material involving institutionalized child abuse, but I think it’s important for people to know how often autistic children were — and are — abused simply for being neurodivergent).

Thanks for reading 💛

[pienhime]

my ten manga/game/anime/etc recs for jirai

hiii long time no long ass recs post! i wanna recommend media that is popular w landmine types for newbies to the subculture, and recommendations for those who might have been here long enough to know the most popular media within jirai subculture and want some recommendations beyond that!

so without further ado...

1. Tomorrow, I Will Become Someone's Girlfriend

TW: unsafe sex work, abusive relationships, body dysmorphia, self harm, substance use, misogyny, and parental death

Okay you knew this was coming. It's probably the most popular manga amongst jirai girls as it literally is about Kabukicho, sex work, trauma, and jirai culture. Everyone's seen Yua at this point, and she is a jiraicon, but the other characters are interesting and may be relatable to jirai girls too!

2. Mahou Shoujo Site

TW: sexual assault, r@pe, abusive family dynamics, transphobia, self-harm, suicide, murder, gore, bullying, human sacrifice

This is probably also familiar to people in the jirai community and yandereblr. Super mega fucked-up parody of magical girl animes with a cast of memorable but mentally unhinged and often morally gray-to-terrible characters with a hopeful message at the end. The most unfortunate girls around Japan get given magical girl items to improve their lives, but using them drains their life force- and someone's on the hunt for magical girls, all while the countdown to the apocalypse ticks down on the mysterious magical girl site. DO NOT BOTHER WITH THE ANIME, JUST READ THE MANGA!!

3. Needy Girl Overdose/Needy Streamer Overload

TW: substance abuse, self-harm, murder (potentially), suicide, non-graphic sexual content, abuse (player is being abused by the main character), unreality, internet addiction

Duh. I can't not have this game on here! Created by a renowned menhera subculture artist and featuring Jirai icons Ame-chan and KAngel, this game has blown up unexpectedly since its release, getting art exhibits and collabs with brands like DearMyLove. You play as P-chan, Ame/KAngel's boyfriend and producer, while you try to help her achieve her goals of becoming an influencer and prevent her from killing herself or going insane along the way. If you've been in a relationship like this as the P-chan, I'm sorry we relate but this game was super therapeutic to me so maybe it'll help you process too!! Also the soundtrack fucks. Hard.

4. Neeko wa Tsurai Yo!

TW: agoraphobia, existentialism, substance use (kind of), ecchi (of both adult and high schooler characters), suicidal ideation, internet addiction

This is a super underrated personal favorite I've posted about a few times before. It follows hikki-NEET gacha gamer Niiko, as she faces jealousy of her little sister for being farther in life than her as a high-schooler, the trauma of a particularly horrific job rejection keeping her from going outside or trying for another job, and being totally fed up with her life. It's a pretty depressing read for the first half, but becomes a realistic story about recovery by the end.

5. Wristcut Warriors: Menherachan

TW: suicide attempts, self-harm (duh), parental abuse, parental death, parental neglect, attempted sexual assault, mild gore, societal ableism/sanism

Much more popular in the menhera subculture than anywhere else, but still popular enough with landmine types to be included, and a personal comfort series of mine. This is a satire manga about three teenage magical girls who have to self-harm to transform, meant as an allegory for how suffering and self-sacrifice for the sake of upholding societal norms is seen as more noble in Japan than speaking out etc. It's pretty short with only 20 chapters and some supplemental material, and tons of merch collabs but due to Ezaki being the actual fucking worst i encourage you to only but fanmerch and second-hand.

6. Danganronpa

TW: murder, suicide, ableist depiction of DID, misgendering (kind of, im not getting into ******* discourse so ill put it jic), SA, addiction,and general violence and blood

I'm biased as a Danganronpa multi-kin and selfshipper but I personally think every jirai should play Danganronpa, read the supplemental materials and watch DR3 if they can. Quirky teens with mental issues locked in a school and forced to kill each other or themselves? Prime insanity and mindbreaking ensues, with some really cool characters coming out of the franchise. Despite the premise, theres a pretty hopeful message.

7. Oshi no Ko

TW: stalking, teen pregnancy, exploitation of minors, suicide attempts, murder, terminal illness, age gap relationships, bullying, abortion, parasocial relationships, and... sigh... pseudo-incest is apparently in the manga as well

If you are into idol anime and expect your standard cinderella story about passionate girls and guys hitting it big... Oshi no Ko isn't the idol anime you're used to. This doesn't even follow the hit idol herself- rather, her two children who are reincarnated fans. They have to find their way in the exploitative and often dark showbiz world while trying to solve their mother's murder.

8. Bocchi the Rock!

TW: agoraphobia, alcohol abuse

I only watched this one recently, but it's already an all-time fav. It follows agoraphobic and severly socially anxious Hitori (aka Bocchi), and her newfound friends as they do their best to become a successful local band! They make odd friends along the way and Bocchi starts to try to recover and better herself, with often comedic failures along the way.

9. TUYU's interconnected songs

TW: abuse, substance abuse, unsafe SW, dysmorphia, suicide, self harm, parasocialism

Okay so... ik the timing is bad but I meant to make this list ages ago and this was on it so... a lot of the TUYU songs and MVs are interconnected! Some specifically cover jirai kei and ryousangata otaku topics! My favorite songs and MVs are the ones involving my favorite characters, Anhiro and Anzu, who are heavily featured in the Under Mentality album.

10. School-Live!

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!! I RECOMMEND GOING IN BLIND FOR THIS ANIME SPECIFICALLY!!

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TW: unreality, major character death, parental death, self-harm, animal death, graphic depictions of delusions and hallucinations

I loved the anime, so I picked up the manga recently. I'm only a little ways in, but I want to complete it since the anime didn't cover it all! You don't even know the plot until the final seconds of the first episode, where it's revealed that Yuki is the only member of the squad who doesn't realize what's going on- she's not in school for class, she's living there for shelter in a zombie apocalypse. Oh, and she sees dead people. She has moments of clarity, and the story often follows other characters' memories and POVs, so you still get to have a clear look into what happened and what's going on for real.

That was my list of my current top ten media recommendations for jirai kei! Please lmk if you decide to give any of these a try! Remember that I also regularly post music recs under #music too! Bye-bye!!

[the-whispers-of-death]

Part Two the Pretend Boyfriend!Gaz, because I can't just leave it off there. My next post will most likely be a countenance of Grumpy!Reader (looking forward to that).

It was the week of Thanksgiving, so you and Gaz headed in his car to your grandmother's place. You spent the entire time leading up to this week by getting comfortable with pretending Gaz was your boyfriend. You both got your stories straight, learning to be touchy with each other but not too touchy (which was how you two already were, not that either of you noticed), so no one would be able to tell that you two were just best friends.

Gaz pulled his car into the driveway of your grandmother's house, you two early. While you got out of the car and took the dessert you had made, Gaz wrapped his arm around your waist while you two walked to the front door. He knocked on the door and waited for your grandmother to open the door.

"Grandma, it's so good to see you!" You said when she opened the door, a bright smile on both of your faces. You gave Gaz the dessert before hugging your grandma and gesturing to Gaz beside you. "Grandma, this is Kyle, my boyfriend."

Gaz's smile was charming as always, so polite. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. {Last Name}. I'm honored you and your family invited me, I've been excited to you meet you all," he said while shaking her hand.

He wasn't joking, he had been excited to meet your family. From your stories you've told him and the rest of the 141, your family was close-knit, warm with each other. You had four siblings, you the youngest of five, and three of your siblings had children of their own. So it was a large family when adding in your aunts, uncles and cousins. And he was eager to meet all of them.

"Aw, you're such a sweet man, just my granddaughter/grandson said you were. Please, call me Grandma and come, come." Your grandmother ushered you both inside the house, the smell of delicious food wafting towards you both. She took the dessert from you, letting you get settled with your siblings while she and your parents cooked the food.

Gaz had tried to ask if they wanted help, but your parents shooed him away from the kitchen. So you both sat on the couch with your siblings. You pointed to each, saying their names.

"So, Kyle," your oldest brother started saying, his skeptical eyes taking in every detail of Gaz. "When did you and my sibling meet?"

That was an easy question, one that hadn't had needed to be changed and memorized since it was just when you two met. So Gaz told them it was two years ago, which was when you had been transferred to the 141. Your other siblings chimed in with other questions, questions geared towards your pretend relationship. Gaz didn't skip a beat, easily slipping into the role of your boyfriend.

By the time dinner was ready, your entire family was in the house, making it a bit crowded. You all sat at the large dining table, you and Gaz sitting beside each other. You were just eating when your father peered at Gaz. "So, Kyle, what are your intentions with my child?" he asked, watching Gaz's reaction closely.

"Dad," you hissed, frowning at his question. To which your father waved your annoyance off.

"I just want to know he's not stringing you along," your father said defensively. "You're an adult, yes, but you're still my child. I want to know you're being taken care of by a man who sees a future with you."

You were about to grumble, but Gaz gently took your hand in his, letting your entwined hands rest on the dining table.

"I understand, sir. I take no offense," he replied, rubbing the back of your hand soothingly with his thumb. "I see a future with them, sir. Our relationship has been going on for six months now, but I can already see the two of us settling down together. {Name} is amazing and I'm happy with them." He turned towards you, a loving smile on his face which only echoed in his beautiful brown eyes. "Forgive me for saying it so abrasively, but I love them."

Your father seemed pleased and that and his questions to Gaz shifted to just general questions about Gaz. His family, what his plans were in the future in terms of his job.

Gaz was fitting in with your family so well, laughing and joking with them like he had known them since forever. Your hands were still entwined, and it felt right. It felt right to be pretending to be dating Gaz.

After dinner was over, you, your siblings, and your cousins all moved outside in the backyard, your siblings' kids coming outside too. While you sat and chatted with your family, Gaz was pulled into playing with the kids. You watched with fond eyes, eyes that couldn't be faked, smiling as he laughed and played with the kids.

Just as you all were watching Gaz giving each kid a piggyback ride on his back, your oldest sister (who was the second oldest of your siblings) looked at you and chuckled. "Oh, you're so in love," she said, causing your other siblings to laugh.

Your first instinct was to deny it, but the ruse had to be maintained, so you turned to look back at Gaz and the smile on your face was so genuine. "Yeah, I am."

It surprised you how much of the truth that was, it not entirely being a lie. You had never thought you had fallen for Gaz, seeing as you two were always just close to each other. But when you thought about it, you really were in love with Gaz. It was why your first and only thought when needing someone to pretend to be your boyfriend, was to think of asking Gaz. He was a good man, and if tonight was any indication, he was also a good boyfriend.

The rest of the night was a whirlwind, but it ended so late, so you and Gaz had to sleep in the living room. Gaz helped your father move the couch and bring in the air mattress from the garage, you and your mother getting the blankets from the linen closet.

You and Gaz said goodnight to your family and when it was just the two of you in the living room, you started making the couch, while Gaz was making the spare mattress.

"What are you doing?" Gaz asked, having realized what you were doing. He finished putting the sheets and pillows on the air mattress before going over to stop you.

"I'm going to be sleeping on the couch," you said, not willing to budge on your decision, even when he tried to stop you from putting the sheet on the couch.

Gaz shook his head. "First of all, I'd be the one sleeping on the couch. There's just no way I'd let you take it when you should have the bed. And second of all, what happens when your family wakes up in the middle of the night or wakes up before us in the morning and sees us sleeping separately?" He saw you about to argue and he shushed you gently. "Come on, mate. It's not the first we've shared a bed. Let's just share it. Unless you're really that uncomfortable, in that case, I'm taking the couch. Not you."

You were hesitant on sharing a bed with him, especially after you realized your feelings for him, but you couldn't deny his logic of your family getting suspicious of the ruse if they found you two sleeping separately. So you took the extra sheets and pillow back to the linen closet before coming back to the living room. You both looked away from each other when dressing into sleepwear and then you two got underneath the covers.

You had gone to sleep with a few inches of space between you two, wanting not to make him uncomfortable by cuddling. But in the morning, you woke up to laying on top of Gaz while he slept on his back, his strong arms wrapped around your waist protectively.

Your mother, who had woken you up by cooing at the sight of you and Gaz intertwined, snapped a picture of you. But you couldn't focus on that, your heart was beating so fast at the close proximity with Gaz.

And you knew you were fucked when he woke up and gave you a lazy smile while saying "Good morning" in that husky voice of his. You were too deep in love now.

Reblogs are welcomed & appreciated! Asks are open, feel free to pop in and talk or request something! (SFW requests only, please and thank you)

[misscinnamonroll16]

You want more headcanons? No? Well that's too damn bad. Some of these are from a fanfic I'm writing (I'll post it once it's done)

Floyd can tell when his brothers are upset and will pester them until they talk about

Jd has so much pent up emotions. It started when he basically took over taking care of his brothers. He felt he needed to be happy so they could be happy.

Bruce may not have cooked when they were young but he watched how their grandma cooked and kind of memorized.

John Dory is constantly tense, his muscles are so tightly wound that he feels like solid muscle. The other bros think it's just bc he's been so active all these years until he finally relaxes a little.

Once back together, branch falls into the annoying little brother role. Taking embarrassing pictures and showing them to anyone (bonus points if it's a potential partner), and telling embarrassing secrets

Branch will never let them live down leaving him (if you know, you know 😂)

Clay and Floyd scare the crap out of the others. Clay because he's been silently walking around for the past two decades and Floyd because hes just a light stepper.

Bruce is a light sleeper, having kids made that worse (or better depending on how you view it)

Floyd sleeps V quietly. The type of sleep where you think they've died bc they haven't moved and you can't tell if you're imagining them breathing

JD snores. Like super loudly. But sleeps similar to Bruce, where he could wake up at the drop of a hat. He developed that tactic when they were kids and he heard one of his bros wake up in the middle of the night.

Floyd's voice is soft and comforting, the type to talk kidnappers about their childhood and how it lead them down this path.

John Dory will use his goggles to hide his eyes when he's been crying or hasn't slept in a long time. Did this when he'd stay up all night writing one of their songs or to hide the fact that he had been crying

John is painfully independent. Will refuse help despite the fact that he needs it most.

John Dory constantly uses the excuse that he's the oldest so he "doesn't need help" and "can take care of himself" and it infuriates his brothers to no end now that they're adults and realize that it's happening

It gets to a point where they practically have to tie JD down and force him to relax

Clay walks into walls while reading bc he walks while reading. The others find it funny until it happens several times in a row. Sometimes they "redirect" him before he walks into a wall, like a roomba

Floyd and Clay are little shits.

Clay got his head stuck in one of these at one of their first concerts. Him and Floyd (and technically Branch but he was being carried) were walking along when Clay got the "bright" idea to sit his head through, convinced he wouldn't get stuck. Clay sent Floyd to get help from spruce, who had to be the mature one and not laugh at him. Spruce just pushes his ears in and he pops right out. Once they turn to walk away Clay does it again, after getting him out again Spruce just picks him up like a sleeping bag under his arm.

Clay constantly made bets he couldn't keep. "Bet you five bucks I can do this or that." Mainly with Floyd bc Floyd wouldn't hold him to it

[mothercetrion]

I had a really angsty idea regarding certain aspects of Johnny's relationship with his father. under the cut for length and sensitive topics.

(CW for mentions of (physical) child abuse)

—

when Johnny is around eleven, he breaks some kind of one-of-a-kind thing in his dad's house when he is over there. he tries to cover it up, but his dad finds out when Jimmy (older brother) rats him out. Johnny tries to explain that it was an accident but is ignored, and his dad is angry at the inconvenience that Johnny has created and punishes him accordingly. it's one of the most notable instances of Johnny's dad being physically abusive to the point of him being frightened of him (and the fear of him remains, only getting worse as Johnny gets older). for months after, each time his dad lifts his hand, he flinches. he doesn't look his dad in the eye anymore so he doesn't look like he's intimidating (but he looks him in the eye when he's being yelled at; lack of eye contact means he's being disrespectful and just makes it worse). he memorizes the sound of his footsteps—and whether or not he's angry depending on those footsteps—to know if he needs to pretend to be asleep or hide from him.

when Johnny is 15, he accidentally breaks a plate when he's getting dinner. the plate shatters, and Johnny finds that breaking things period immediately causes a physical reaction. his stomach drops, he gets nauseous, and he gets incredibly tense, just waiting for his dad to get angry. it doesn't take long, and Johnny is punished accordingly and sent to his room without dinner that night. he cries himself to sleep and does so for many nights after when he dreams about his dad's reaction.

when Johnny is an adult, living alone in college, he breaks a plate again. his own plate, in his own home, and he still panics. he has a panic attack in his own kitchen and scrambles to clean it up, even though he's alone and his dad has been dead for a year. nothing's going to happen, and he still panics and hurries to get it up all the same.

when he and Kenshi are dating, maybe only for a few months, they plan a date night at Johnny's place. Johnny reaches up to get a glass down and it slips out of his hand, and it breaks into several large pieces at his feet. Kenshi is in the kitchen with him, and imagine his shock when Johnny physically flinches and falls to his knees to get it up. Johnny almost immediately starts panicking, his breaths rapid and shallow, and he is trembling from head to toe. he won't look at Kenshi, even when he asks him what's wrong, and he's focused on cleaning it up because Kenshi's going to be mad and he's going to yell at him and how could he have broken the glass like this and he's such a shitty boyfriend-

Kenshi kneels on the floor and tries talking to him more to find out what's going on because he is extremely worried. it's entirely out of character for Johnny to be so frazzled about anything, and he is clearly freaking out and in another world entirely. Johnny suddenly picks up a piece of glass and cuts his outer palm on accident. he doesn't react, and he doesn't slow down, even when it's clear that it's a bad cut. Kenshi's instincts take over, and he grabs Johnny's hand. Johnny physically jolts at the sensation and its lack of violence. "Johnny, you're hurt, stop. let me see," and Kenshi is so gentle and not at all angry that it immediately shatters the defense he has put up for himself—if he stops reacting to things, they can't bother him, he's fine, he isn't scared, he's not upset, he's fine, he's fine, he's fine—and Johnny immediately starts sobbing. within seconds, he's out of breath, and he's literally wailing. he covers his face with the hand not in Kenshi's, weakly trying to hide it from Kenshi, but it's clear all the same.

Kenshi is immediately confused because what the hell is going on? Johnny is panicking over a broken glass, and Kenshi unfortunately knows enough about Johnny's childhood (still very little, but enough all the same) to put the pieces together. he puts his other hand on Johnny and pulls him into a hug, and Johnny freaks out a little more before he fully leans into him. they sit on the floor for half an hour while Kenshi tries to bring Johnny back to reality, assuring him that he's safe, he's with Kenshi, they're at home, it's okay, he hasn't done anything wrong. Johnny apologizes under his breath over and over and over again, it's all he can do right then, it's all he's known. over apologizing when you aren't sure what you actually did wrong.

Johnny eventually stops panicking, and Kenshi just holds him a bit longer. his heart is still racing, and he's shaking from head to toe. but then Kenshi remembers that he's hurt, and he gently pushes him out of his hug and asks to see his hand. Johnny won't even look at him and shakes his head no. Kenshi says that he needs to see so he can help, assuring him again that he's not upset and just wants to make sure it's not that bad. Johnny doesn't say anything, so Kenshi takes his hand and looks at the cut. it's not enough for stitches but it'll have to be cleaned and covered regardless. Kenshi helps Johnny to his feet and guides him to the bathroom, and Johnny sits on the closed toilet while Kenshi kneels on the bathroom floor. he has to use Sento to see, and he gets the first aid kit and cleans the cut and covers it. Johnny occasionally flinches, and he's still shaking, and Kenshi comforts him with his free hand and an occasional vocal assurance. he's eventually taken care of in that regard, but he's still deeply frazzled and incredibly shaken.

Kenshi takes both of his hands, squeezes them as safely as he can. "breathe with me, Johnny," and they sit together and simply breathe for ten minutes or so. Johnny holds Kenshi's hands like a lifeline, and he shuts his eyes and slouches and focuses on his breathing. every now and then, a breath will hitch, and Kenshi kisses the tops of his hands and eventually moves their hands to Kenshi's chest so Johnny can feel his heartbeat. "you're safe. you're with me. you're doing great. breathe. breathe. breathe." Johnny is doing a lot better after that. however, he still hasn't said anything to Kenshi since everything started other than his apologies, and he's clearly mentally and physically exhausted. he needs to rest. "do you want to go lie down?" a nod. "alright, come on." Kenshi stands and pulls Johnny with him, and they walk together into the bedroom. Johnny sits on the edge of the bed, and Kenshi dismisses himself to let Johnny change (if he wants to, but he does not) and to get him a snack.

Kenshi goes into the kitchen and cleans up the broken glass. the mess truly wasn't that bad, and it took 45 seconds for him to get it disposed of. it makes the fact that Johnny panicked—and Kenshi's guess as to why—all the more gutting. Kenshi gets him a bottle of water, a bottle of blue Gatorade (his favorite), and a peanut butter Clif Bar. he goes back in the bedroom to see that Johnny hasn't moved an inch, and he's staring off at a wall. though not panicking, he's still in another world entirely.

Kenshi steps up and offers what's brought. Johnny looks down with his eyes, but his expression is still indifferent, and he doesn't move. Kenshi unscrews the lid of the water and holds it up to Johnny's mouth, and Johnny drinks. Kenshi offers the Gatorade then and then the Clif Bar. they spend ten minutes like that, Kenshi holding things up for him to have because he needs to eat and drink. at least a little. he finishes around half of the Clif Bar and most of the Gatorade, but he eventually turns his cheek in silent rejection.

Kenshi feels conflicted because he wants to find out what's going on and why he panicked. but he knows that he won't get an answer when Johnny is in a state like this, so he decides to let him rest and ask him when he's doing a bit better.

after that, Kenshi helps Johnny lie down and get comfortable, he covers him with the blanket and even lays with him. he's not tired, but he knows Johnny is and wants him to feel less alone. out of nowhere, Johnny apologizes again, and Kenshi asks why he would apologize, he's not done anything wrong. Johnny looks away and mumbles, "I ruined your night." that's all he says, and it's so telling all the same. Kenshi assures him again that he hasn't done anything wrong and certainly hasn't ruined anything. "I want you to be safe, Johnny, and comfortable. I would do this again and again if I needed," and then he adds, "and you can tell me anything by the way," as a silent invitation to talk about what's bothering him when he's ready. Johnny looks at him in shock for several seconds before he nods.

and that's that. Kenshi lays with him and eventually starts running a hand through his hair, brushing it out of his face and massaging his head. he worries about a headache from all that crying. Johnny lays there with his eyes closed and eventually relaxes enough to take a nap. Kenshi doesn't move an inch, just in case.

[daisythornes]

speedrun of things that cause me agony in the wondla tv series trailer:

whyyy did they have to make the sanctuary so sterile and minimalistic? the book sanctuaries had this charming clunky 70s sci-fi design to them – they were blocky and durable and Eva's was tangibly lived-in, even worn in some places, because that was the point! they were an experiment that outlived their usefulness, but people kept living in them & they felt like it. this feels like Kim Kardashian's creepy white torture house.

"this... is me." has this line not become extremely passé in trailers, like almost to the point of parody?

that is NOT Muthr. idk who that is, but she is not mothering. it's like they took her book design and stripped away anything that may have been even slightly challenging to the cocomelon-smoothed zeitgeist of current animation. she's just so... nothing. she doesn't even look like a robot so much as like.. the lame soul design from pixar's soul. book Muthr looked WEIRD, but you can see the ways in which she's literally a synthetic + superhuman recreation of a Mother Figure: her head shape mirrors the beehive hairdo, her big eyes are saccharine sweet, she has four arms bc she always needs to do a million things at once, etc. i get that this version of Muthr was probably way easier to animate, and i don't even think they had to stick to the original design 100% as long as they still did something interesting for her, but. they didn't.

rip Eva's sick as hell hairstyle. :( seriously, her complicated braids were so important. bc 1) they were an homage to Dorothy's braids in the wizard of oz, the book to which the whole trilogy is a love letter. 2) they immediately gave her a unique visual identity as a character. 3) they contributed to the world of Wondla feeling genuinely strange and foreign to our current one. 4) they subtly spoke to things like Eva's boredom and loneliness and all the time she had to herself.

the paltry mini braids and single low bun they gave her instead are WEAK. again, they didn't have to follow the books to the letter, but. they did kinda need to give us something more memorable and distinctive than this.

i mean... there is ofc the obvious question of why'd they make her 16 instead of going on 13 like she was in the books? but also, perhaps even more crucially, why does she look like a whole ass adult woman? wondla is very much a coming of age story, and it's really good at capturing the messiness of that experience in every way down to its character design. this Eva doesn't look messy, she looks like an influencer. also i hate that current disneyesque cgi character design.

her outfit's like... fine. but it was so fucking cute in the books. cute and ultra utilitarian, and unlike anything i'd ever really seen before. can't a girl have a vest with a funky collar, cool billowy balloon sleeves, and scrunchy knee socks? do yknow how many kids would want to be Eva for halloween if they simply gave her an outfit that looked cuter? they're leaving money on the damn table.

she wasn't done with her training for life on the surface in the books, and that was important. :/ not that anything could've really prepared her, but the fact that she was so young made her terror and anger all the more palpable. i guess i don't think it's inherently terrible for her to be a bit older in adaptation, but idk, at least let her retain that trial by fire/still kind of a scared kid quality that's integral to her arc.

the placement of the 'wondla' letters on the page makes no sense. it's meant to be the wonderful wizard of oz (or the wonderful wizard of oz by l. frank baum. i forget which, but ONE of those for sure), so by all accounts the l and a shouldn't be right next to each other like that, there should be more space between those two letters.

now i don't fully remember, but i super don't think that 'Eva find me' note was in the books. Eva would've been way more obsessed with it if it was. in the books, she doesn't know the 'wondla' page was actually left for her, it's just this strange anomaly she finds that gives her hope, but she sort of creates that hope herself. its origin is an honest to god mystery until the second book, and therefore, the meaning that Eva gives it is what really comes to define it.

it's not just that no one had seen a human in a long time, most aliens on Orbona had never seen a human at all until Eva came along. that's a big difference! though, this audio does sound chopped up from multiple sentences, so maybe disregard this.

i don't like that they gave away the 'Orbona was once Earth' twist right off the bat. i know it's not a wholly original trope in sci-fi, but this is a middle-grade/family series, and it straight up blew my mind to see as a kid that hadn't ever really read true sci-fi before. and Orbona is SO bizarre, and Eva is SO desperate to find other humans, that the reveal is extra jarring and bleak, and it creates such powerful tension. why give the impact of that away in the trailer?? why not just let people think she's stuck on an alien planet until they get the full emotional gut punch when they actually watch it for themselves?

where's the lake in Lacus? :/ that was... kinda the basis of Lacus' culture and design and all. like ok i see some water, but Lacus should be almost more water than village.

Otto's design!! why god why.

why is Otto furry, why are his eyes Like That, etc.

nooo, don't show the ruins of New York in the trailer, that's for the audience to discover in horror along with Eva.

also why does Otto (i think that's him talking at least?) sound like that? thumbs down.

what are the. uh. shark tale-looking creatures running on water. they're very shark tale-looking (derogatory). they don't look like they belong in this series?? like did this footage just get misfiled?

egads it's coming out at the end of this month. i'm gonna watch it of course. but the whole time i'll be thinking about what could've been. and i'll reread the books, too. >:|

[attornsky]

Alrighty i wanna talk a little abt Sherlock & Co. I originally started listening to it cuz I honestly just wanted another form of media for Sherlock that I hadn't consumed yet, but i 100% stayed for the characters and plot.

With a little background, I am diagnosed with anxiety and get panic attacks. I don't wanna self diagnose but i believe i show signs of untreated adhd (im working on a way to get diagnosed and medicated 🤞) and as a result of these two things, my self esteem and grades at school declined so quickly and suddenly and it affected me so much. I graduated HS three weeks ago, and Im applying to medical school rn, but because of how i performed in my senior year, i have 0 confidence that I could even handle my pre-med preparatory year. I often consider myself stupid and below average because if I can't get good grades, then what am i supposed to do with my life? Anyway, due to my suspected adhd, I have a lot of sensory issues, especially sounds and touches, and nobody seems to understand. I get irritated from overstimulation and sometimes just wanna start crying in the middle of a busy street. It happened a lot during school. We were 36 students crammed into one classroom, so it was never quiet, and it made it even harder for me to concentrate. My school is known to be the worst in the country, and they're not accommodating to any student. We're also KG through 12, so there's always the irritating sound of kids yelling and shouting. I just couldn't handle the constant noise, and i couldn't wait to get home so i could get in bed, close the blinds, and watch a comfort show with my doggo sleeping next to me.

That's where the representation in Sherlock & Co comes in. They've written an adult character with sensory issues, who is open about them and his friends accommodate him. He uses ear defenders and sunglasses and makes an effort to understand his neurotypical friends. That just made me so much more comfortable about the fact that I constantly have noise cancelling earbuds shoved in my ears when I'm in public. I've even started wearing headphones instead (cuz it's better for ur ears ig??). Another thing is, they mention that sherlock, despite being super smart, didn't get good grades in college. And that's like!!! Yeah!! Standardised tests are awful and serve no purpose except shatter students' confidence when they don't get the desired grade. It's not a "one shoe fits all," and it shouldn't be. Everyone has strong points that couldn't be measured using a multiple choice exam. I can't even begin to count the number of panic attacks and breakdowns i get from anything school-related. I've seen close friends break down in uncontrollable tears from bad test scores. And these same friends are the most intelligent, well-spoken people I've met. Just because they couldn't memorize 200 pages of physics formulas and definitions doesn't mean they're worth any less. I don't know. That line from S&C just stuck with me.

Anyway, yeah. This podcast just makes me feel so soft and comfortable and fills me with relief and confidence. I don't know how to explain it.

[chaifootsteps]

putting aside the way HB continually lies to its audience and spreads no good very bad ideas about what abuse and sexual coercion is or isn't to a fanbase that skews disturbingly young for a sec

from a creative writing perspective, Stolas is like one of the most frustrating characters to have ever been

like, there's three or four different versions of him at this point. he was a competent antagonistic force once. he had hidden depths.

now he's a pathetic passive whiny creature who is somehow a prince despite doing most of his duties poorly. he has the interior mental landscape of a child. he stakes his happiness on a lower class man who he's trapped with him through his economic need, and he blames that man for his own inability to handle his feelings like an adult.

he wears a godawful romper (sorry, I just can't get past the outfit redesign. it's so distractingly bad)

it just really strikes me watching episodes like The Circus when he as literal imp servants from childhood, or Western Energy when he goes to a cafe where the whole gimmick is imps pouring tea for bluebloods, that like

there could have been a character here, if the show just acknowledged the power Stolas had been born into and is so used to he doesn't even seem to notice that his monthly hookup is the same class as servants he's used and abused his entire life

if the show recognized what a sad wet cat Stolas is, and not in the 'feel sorry for him!!!' type of way

instead we're getting increasingly liberal lectures on 'royalty have feelings just like everyone else, they can't help being rich :(' and all the setup - the mirroring of Blitzo being sold as a child then as an adult to Stolas, the class difference, the rich pitting poor against poor - all goes down the drain, because the show can't bear to have us judge Stolas even slightly

and on top of all that, he isn't even good at wielding the power and privilege he does have. he apparently only bothers using his book once a month for his job, he doesn't memorize his spells, he doesn't teach his oh so important heir magic to defend herself with, he lends out his grimoire with no safety precautions as long as he can be dicked down once a month

funniest thing is if you point out Stolas sucks at his job on top of all his other flaws you'd probably get the 'they're in Hell!' excuse

if that's the case why does the show keep insisting he's perfect? why isn't there more of an Always Sunny sense that we're supposed to enjoy the characters sucking at everything? I maybe could have liked a show like that

There isn't even all that much I can say to add to this...you took the words right out of my mouth, every single one.

[mauesartetc]

Thoughts on Helluva Boss 205 ("Unhappy Campers")

Wow, this... This one may actually be worse than Murder Family. That's impressive.

Is anyone else noticing a pattern of Helluva Boss episodes going absolutely nowhere? Each one ends without affecting the larger plot in any meaningful way. Season 1's structure was fairly episodic as well, but at least back then there was some sense of progression.

I usually include separate lists of pros and cons in these critiques, but in this case, I have so few compliments to give this thing it's not worth it. I tried my best to find more to like about this episode, but it gave me bupkis to work with. So I'll just present all my notes in chronological order.

Let's get this over with.

-Looks like the rehab facility where Barb used to live is located in Sloth (on account of the floating islands and all the pink in the environment), just like the hospital in this season's previous episode. We've never seen care centers in any other ring, so... Does Hell society's opinion of sick people dictate that they're just lazy? Some clarification on that might be nice.

-"She's got a job now. A life. Don't fuck it up by findin' her." Holy shit, the nurse is the most mature, sympathetic character in this entire episode. Tasing Blitzo in the butthole earns her bonus points in my book. Nurse Pussyface, you are way too good for this show.

-Why is Blitzo even trying to visit his sister if he's been kicked out of the facility several times and knows she hates him? What's the impetus? "Look, I know you hate my guts, but Dad's dead, and he named you in the will." Or maybe he had an experience that reminded him of her and figured he'd drop by to see how she was? Y'know, something.

-By the way, Helluva's animation is usually a highlight, but here there's not much to say about it. It wasn't especially memorable or ambitious; just kinda... passable. Even the climactic fight scene (which I'll get to later) didn't have much to write home about.

-How the hell didn't the client notice the holes in his boat before he rowed it out into deep water? Because I'm pretty sure it would leak when it was still in the shallow end of the lake, unless this is a unique real-life boating phenomenon I'm not aware of. Also, you'd think this guy was a bit too gung-ho to get out on the lake for someone who can't swim. Did someone have a gun to your head, dude?

Fun fact: Did y'all know I was on staff at a summer camp once? We had a pond, canoes, and a boathouse just like the camp in this episode. One thing we had that this camp apparently doesn't, however, is this important rule: No one gets in a canoe without a life jacket. EVER. But, well... We see later that the adults at this camp don't care much about safety, so I guess that's fair enough. (Though I'm curious how they manage to stay open, or what the client's loved ones have to say about his mysterious disappearance.)

-What did the client do to get sent to Hell after he died? Mrs. Mayberry murdered someone, so that's why she's here, but this kid seems pretty chill-? (And don't even try to explain this on Twitter, writers. If it's not in the story itself, it ain't canon.) I also can't help but notice that his design reflects the way he died, but every other sinner's appearance is just random. Consistency? Who needs it!

-Some unintentional hilarity for ya: Here's Millie's face after the client recounted his death.

And she holds this pose for the remainder of the scene. Was there NO direction on how to animate Millie here?! This is a grim situation and she's smiling?! I get that she's a demon, but damn that is cold. It's never been clearer that half her role in this story is just smiling and looking cute, to the point the animators don't know what else to do with her.

-Richard Horvitz's valley girl voice was kinda funny. I dug it. Not sure why Moxxie and Millie had to dress in drag for anything other than cheap laughs, though.

-I know Millie's hurtin' for more development, but this story's conflict would have made SO much more sense from a character standpoint if Moxxie were getting all the praise from the campers. Think about it: He's the one Blitzo always shits on and doesn't believe in. He's the one whose father doesn't love him. He's the one who never gets positive attention from anyone except his wife. Suddenly the conflict is much more compelling: Now that he has approval from these humans, maybe he doesn't need it from Blitzo anymore (not sure why he needed his approval in the first place, but whatever). Maybe he'd realize what he's been missing, and how shitty Blitzo's treatment has been in comparison. Could this be the breaking point that finally gets him to muster some self-respect and quit IMP? We'll never know, because the episode has miscalculated where the most interesting dilemma actually lies.

As far as we can tell, Millie's had zero reason to doubt herself, and we never see her being mistreated like Moxxie has.

Take these lines of dialogue: "And for once I feel like... Like I'm important! Like I'm somebody to be proud of!"

Wouldn't they fit so much better if they came out of Moxxie's mouth?

-I kinda liked how the lyrics of Millie's song were humble while Moxxie's lyrics were egotistical, showing that being down to earth will win you friends while being self-centered will turn people off. But is that really the kind of message we need in an adult show? It's a useful lesson for children, but after you hit the age of this series' target demographic, most people will have the social skills to know better than to pull what Moxxie did at the campfire.

-Speaking of Moxxie being super immature, why does he weep when a bunch of preteens ignores him? They're...They're kids, Mox. They aren't your peers. Literally who cares. This behavior makes no sense outside of (once again) cheap humor. I could understand being bummed out that you're not good with kids if you wanted to have your own someday, but even that doesn't warrant actual tears. And this makes him look like a massive hypocrite later on when he asks Millie why it matters what "these yokels" feel about her. I mean... You seemed to care a lot about how they saw you, Moxxie...

-Moxxie's excuse for why it's so hard for him to get information on the case is that everyone's too busy "swooning over" Millie. Here's a thought: Why doesn't Millie get the info? She's the one everyone likes, so it should be a snap, right? Well, once again, the characters get railroaded because the writers can't entertain any other plot ideas. And of course Moxxie ends up getting blamed for everything as if he's the only one who fucked up here.

-Why the hell would a summer camp show so much favoritism toward a single camper that they set up a friggin' concert for this camper and this camper only? Yeah yeah, "viral sensation" and everything, but 1) The news crew can wait another day or so for camp to end in order to conduct an interview (y'know, something that wouldn't require a huge-ass stage and pyrotechnics that'd cost the camp boatloads of money), and 2) The camp staff thinks Millie is a child. How fucking irresponsible can you get to lavish this much attention on a kid? Think it'll go to her head or something? Psssh nah. Also, you're telling me none of the other campers are the tiniest bit jealous? How do you think they feel, seeing this one kid get treated like a god while they're left in the dust?

Okay, plot-wise, the writers decided they wanted Millie to sing a song so she's occupied during the final showdown with the killer. Easy solution: Camp talent show. That way, the adults treat all the campers equally, and Millie gets her (more believable) moment in the spotlight.

-Oh hey, we finally see Asmodean crystals in action. And of course the first one we see is a butt plug.

SuCh a MAturE shOw, GUys! (Sorry, I'm still laughing my head off at that.)

So, a bit of backstory for those who aren't familiar: We first learned of Asmodean crystals in the Season 2 premiere, when Stolas opened the grimoire to reveal Norse runes on its pages. Someone on the internet was kind enough to translate:

Now here's the deal: Blitzo tells the lust demon to open the portal with his crystal (even threatening him at gunpoint), leading me to believe only non-imps could use Asmodean crystals and that's why he needed the grimoire to get to the human world.

But guess what happens later:

Blitzo's sister Barb, another imp, uses a crystal on her bracelet to open a portal back to Hell. So what exactly was the point of stealing the grimoire from Stolas??

BLITZO. YOU. DENSE. MOTHERFUCKER.

Okay, maybe I'll be generous and acknowledge that there might be another explanation, like Blitzo getting banned from using Asmodean crystals because he's misused them in the past. (Maybe there's a spell that causes the crystals to burn him every time he tries to hold one. Something of that nature.) But at this point I don't trust these writers to fill in their plot holes. Or plot portals, as the case may be.

-The portals themselves are kinda pretty, though. I can appreciate that they look different from the portals created by the grimoire.

-Moxxie calls Blitzo "sir" in this episode despite Blitzo telling him to use his first name in Truth Seekers. Moxxie then uses it in "Ozzie's" (if I remember correctly), but now he's back to "sir" for unexplained reasons-? Coupled with how their relationship has reverted back to square one with Blitzo learning nothing (as well as no one bringing up the agents or what they can do to stop them leaking the proof that demons exist), do the writers just want us to forget that episode or what?

-Blitzo chastises Moxxie for dragging the case out for a week, but it took him a week to track down Barb. This hypocrisy is never addressed.

-At the boathouse, Blitzo tells Moxxie he's looking for his sister, then kicks down the door, revealing Barb inside. Moxxie asks, "Do you know her?" "Do I know her? That's my sister, fuckface!" That's... oddly repetitive, writers. I get that Moxxie wouldn't immediately make the connection since Barb's disguised as a human, but there's a more graceful way to handle that in the dialogue. Something like, "Is this her?" "Oh, now you're on the ball!"

-In an earlier post I expressed concern that these writers wouldn't handle Barb's addiction well, and I'm somewhat relieved they didn't go into it. But I also predicted she'd amount to a genderbent Blitzo instead of having her own personality, and... well...

Overindulges in addictive substances? Check. Runs a business that requires travel to the human world? Check. Pottymouth? Check. Uses sexuality as leverage? Check.

It would've been nice to at least get a hint about what Blitzo did to make her hate him so much (and perhaps confronting that would make him rethink how he treats Moxxie-?), but I guess we'll have to find out when she comes back in seven episodes or so. Yaaaaay.

-Barb says she picked this particular human as her supplier because teenagers are easy to manipulate, but she really had no way to accomplish that other than flashing her panties at him? Assuming Barb and Blitzo are the same age, she's in her 30s, and... it's just a tad creepy and uncalled for, even if this kid's legal. That's a pretty big age (and power) gap regardless. This is one of those times when it looks a lot more predatory when you switch the genders, but, importantly, women can be predators too. Bad optics, y'all.

-The climactic fight scenes in prior episodes were snappy and exciting, but this one's pacing felt really sluggish. I get that the song in the background had a slower tempo than we're used to in these action scenes, but would it have been so hard to double-time the animation? Also, previous fight scenes were notable for their creative choreography, but Barb wrapped her tail around Moxxie twice in a row. Having trouble coming up with new fight moves, guys? Like damn, she's an acrobat. She could do so much more.

-In another edition of "characters being idiots because plot", Moxxie and Millie make out in front of everyone who thinks they're related. They couldn't have run off to somewhere more private?? Apparently no; this needed to happen so Millie's internet fame would be dashed... or, here's another option: Show how the internet popularity cycle is so damn short that everyone's already moved on to the next sensation. You could have made that funny if you actually put in some effort. Like... The faux-incest was just so unnecessary.

-Much like Murder Family, another unfunny ending where Moxxie's dreams are crushed. Blitzo gets his hopes up only to call him a "fuckin' disgrace". But remember, guys: He'S HArd oN hiM BEcauSE hE CAreS! (Fuck it, I think I'll just edit a supercut of every time Blitzo has berated Moxxie, pre- and post-Truth Seekers.)

Oh and look, Millie's glaring at Blitzo, which is totally the same as opening her mouth to tell him off like he deserves, right?

She'll take on a whole gang of mobsters out of love for Moxxie, but standing up to Blitzo? Whoa, that's a step too far. Y'know, because he's the writers' favorite and he shouldn't have to experience any complications from his behavior. Same old story as it's been for a season and a half.

This ending would've been a million times better if it left off on a cliffhanger. Maybe this could have been Moxxie's final breaking point. After Blitzo calls him a disgrace, Moxxie could take a deep breath and...

MOXXIE: (flatly) I quit.

Then he walks out of the room. Everyone looks after him, stunned. When he closes the door, the screen cuts to black and the credits roll.

Oh shit, what's going to happen next? How will Blitzo deal with this? How will it affect Moxxie and Millie's home life? What kind of new job will Moxxie find to keep food on the table? Will he ever come back to IMP, or will Blitzo find a replacement? I know these writers aren't too interested in serialization or any sense of continuity outside of the stupid romance subplot (or hell, inside it), but good god, it would give viewers some exciting possibilities to look forward to.

This episode had so much potential and followed through on none of it. "Unhappy Campers" turned out to be a more fitting title than expected, as that's exactly what I was while watching this.

(Also this show needs a continuity coordinator like yesterday.)

[kimbapisnotsushi]

hi! please share your headcanons about jay. thanks!

ooooooooh sure thing let's get it!!

(also please keep in mind that soke was literally my first time dipping back into dc after a LONG while, so i have a bit of catch-up to do in terms of characters and stories, and thus some of my knowledge might be outdated!!! also i love jay but i do consider myself still very new to understanding him and thus most of these will be silly fun :333)

damian makes fun of him for that all-black ninja-esque stealth suit he wore to sneak into star labs because there was literally NO POINT in jay trying to disguise himself like that when he didn't bother covering up his BRIGHT FUCKING PINK hair

yes i'm still mad about yes i would like to know his thought process

is it natural btw??? i've seen different takes around where people think it's dyed bc of his other version in aos:jk, but i feel like that's pretty unlikely considering it was shaved all the way down when he got taken prisoner and experimented on and it grew back exactly like that

for the record i'm not a hater i'm just saying 1) it made him a walking beacon and 2) it being natural is so fucking funny to me since he clearly didn't inherit it from his mom, which begs the question:

who the fuck is jay's dad

while jay does care for all of the revolutionaries as their ally and everyone at the truth as their boss, and as an overall friend, i think that wink and the aerie are especially close to him and they consider each other family. they were pretty much the closest thing to adult supervision jay had for a while, and he relied on them a lot when he was settling down in metropolis and figuring out how to live alone

this meant that he called them for stupid things like "if something explodes in your microwave do you call the fire department", and not-stupid things like "help me open a bank account because metropolis bank has laws that won't let me do it by myself as a minor"

they were also the first people he came out to

jay loves them even if they CAN be really annoying

jay: "are you—are you guys ACTUALLY planning on shovel-talking superman" wink: "technically, he's superman's son" the aerie: "and if he's late to the coffee shop, i'm taking points off"

i think jay would get along with tim actually

the dude is an underground hacktivist refugee, investigative journalist, and a former president's son. he's probably used to always looking over his shoulder, ready to be jumped at a moment's notice. he's got a plan for everything but the plans only exist inside his head because he can't risk hard copies being found or digital ones being hacked. he's memorized them all. they're either alphabetized or mentally color-coded. we're talking levels of elaborate just-in-case getaways and meticulously planned investigations that would get a normal reporter killed if they asked the wrong question. it's dedication to a terrifying degree

yeah tim would definitely rock with him

jay has this neat little trick where if he's in a situation in which someone's poisoned his food and he has to eat it/can't let them know he knows, he just partially phases his organs so that the food falls through his body a little bit at a time and never enters his digestive system

jon is HORRIFIED when he finds out. damian is really fucking impressed

does gamorra have its own language???? i feel like jay would be fluent in it if so. of course he would be. he'd do anything to keep part of home as close to his chest as possible

oh that's another thing i'll probs mess up on btw i am legit so confused on gamorra considering it's apparently in asia and i would assume has its own distinct culture? but jay's surname is japanese and that random kid on the boat has a japanese name so are they like. japanese-adjacent??? or is gamorra made up of multiple asian identities blended into one (read tags for clarification)

i should probably read absolute power shouldn't i

okay sorry that got WAY off topic but yeah jay is definitely someone who loved his home despite not being able to go back and did everything he could to maintain his ties

ALSO can we talk about jay being a student at metropolis college at seventeen???? did he skip a year of school when he got to the u.s.??? did he lie on forms or something??

like i don't think he's taking extra credit classes as a high school student because he was also advertising the media department when we saw him, and i don't think he'd be doing that if he was in high school

jon makes sense because he had a fake identity which COULD put him in college. but jay???

honestly lying on paper is such a jay nakamura thing to do if he doesn't want people tracking him down by cross-referencing his birthday with government records

jay nakamura's number-one tip of running an anonymous underground activist stream: hide all identifiable information from the government

(this does not work when you are widely recognized as superman's boyfriend)

also now that dick is backing the truth can we PLEASE get tim in on it. i think it'd be so fucking funny. i think he and jay would have a grand old time breaking into firewalls and digging through internet archives and exposing corrupt people

tim is like "FINALLY i have something fun to do at all those fucking galas bruce makes me go to" because jay needs some rich guy's vacation itinerary so he knows the prime time to break into his house and gather evidence for something

i just have so much appreciation for jay nakamura you guys i love him so much

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

i wonder if yves has a picture of us as his lockscreen wallpaper... if yes (or no), what picture would it be :0 ?

As much as Yves would love to just... plaster your face on everything he owns, he simply can't and shouldn't.

Yves didn't rise up the ranks by being nice and kind. He rose up by pushing others down. Naturally, he made an army of enemies over the years that would jump at the chance of abusing his weaknesses. It would be much safer to not expose any of his information at all, which sadly includes who he associates with regularly.

His lock screen is just a black background. His gallery contains no trace of you or him. Not even pictures that have accidental reflections of either face. All the metadata from his photos would be expunged.

He does not have any social media applications or games on his phone- not even digital maps. He has his GPS turned off at all times. Yves memorizes his all contact numbers by heart and he never gets a number wrong. His phone is just a slab he used to call or text (sometimes hack into other devices), Yves would delete his call logs, and text messages including yours after documenting all of them in their respective dossiers. When he isn't expecting any communication, his phone is always switched off. Sometimes, he would even remove the battery.

Truly crucial matters will be alerted through the pager hidden in his reliable bag.

That is why you never see him entertaining himself with his smartphone, Yves usually brings a book or a magazine with him. He's living as if he's still in the 80's. If you gave his car a shakedown, you would find atlases and a compass.

But that is just his public phone. He has a few that never leave his office. They're full of you. Videos, pictures, voice recordings, and backups of your messages. One of them is a carbon copy of your current phone, with all the same data you're holding. The other one is an old phone that you sold or lost, one of his precious artifacts of you.

His 'home' phone has pictures of your happiest moments on its lock screen and home screen. It doesn't necessarily have to be photos he took after meeting you. It could be a picture of you graduating high school, it could be a candid picture of you on a vacation trip when you were 8, it could be a picture of your reaction the moment you received your first 'adult' paycheck, it could be a photo of you trying marijuana for the first time, it could even be your baby photos if you weren't that happy in life.

However, phones that store your information aren't usually used as a phone. It just becomes precious data banks. And any evidence that he's spying on you will never be revealed, hence you will never know of its existence.

There is an exception, though. One of his phones is used to analyze what catches your eye on social media. It mirrors your screen in real time, he would record how many seconds you would linger on a post, how many times you rewatched a video, when you would do a double take, your scrolling speed and what exactly would you consume. He would connect the dots and correlate your media consumption habits to the circumstance on that day; would you scroll slower on a cold or hot day? Do you seek out food content if you're hungry or actively avoid it? Why did you rewatch that thirst trap video?

You can go through his phone if you want, but that means he gets to go through yours in return. And you're at a huge disadvantage here because you willingly give up your privacy to him while he gave you nothing. It's not like you have to, he's never on his phone and he's a recluse. What is there to discover?

You know Yves is much older than you are, he used to fuel his past cars with leaded gasoline for god's sake.

So you already expected that at some point along the way, he would comment on this generation's excessive usage of their gadgets. But that oddly never came, because your habits are a treasure trove of information. He would only deride the act if it's actively harming your health.

If you want to put his face on your lock and home screen, go ahead. He would be flattered. Profile picture? Sure. Yves would do some digital magic to make sure the wrong people never see it. As a social media post? Go ahead. Only those whom he knows wouldn't be a threat to you can perceive it.

Of course, just as any paranoid man would do, he would educate you on the dangers of releasing your information to the world. Giving you real-life examples where it could lead to horrifying results. But he would be lying if he said his heart doesn't swell at your willingness to brag about him to your friends.

Obviously, he's also stealing a copy of your lipstick-print-ridden face and printing a physical poster of it to frame in his office. He would openly display it if he obtained it by asking you, but he would hide it if he got the photo by hacking into your phone.

[nikki-is-a-nerd]

Karma is my Boyfriend

Synopsis:

You may not have any plans on exacting revenge to those who've wronged you, but when karma hits them it's no mystical thing, It's just your boyfriend who remembers everything.

Note: NO CURSE AU, Gojo x AFAB!reader, Freelancer!Gojo x College student! Reader

___________________________________

College isn't as easy going as your parents told you, neither was it your most memorable time. It was school, and like all things it had its ups and downs. For a person studying Clinical Psychology, you found that learning to read people and constantly being surrounded by them, wasn't a good mix. Yes, you have bullies, though you are annoyed by their actions your rational mind knows that the only reason they pick on you is because they either feel powerless towards the adult figures in their life or they point out your flaws that they too see in themselves in hopes of transferring their insecurities. Pitiful actions really. Satoru believed you were a saint because of it. How could you, an angel (in his very humble and true opinion, as he once so kindly exclaimed) be so understanding to the slimy, filth of the earth kind of people. Good question.

"Look at her, how can her boyfriend stand to look at her face all day? She looks like a corpse reanimated." A voice cackled.

"I'm surprised you even know what that word means. Let me guess, it was the word for the day?" You said off handedly.

Her friends or posse, glared at you. Like you cared. They snickered to themselves as you suddenly felt a warm liquid cascade down your body.

"Oops, now you look exactly like you should." Their leader laughs, a shrill sound really.

You didn't really care but this was a very expensive sweater that Satoru bought you with his first paycheck for one of his gigs. You sighed, sure he would say something along the lines of 'its alright, I can buy you fifteen more of those' or 'that sweater was so last season, now I can buy you something new' but this was your favorite. You wordlessly took off your now ruined sweater and walked away. A ruined sweater wasn't worth getting called to the dean's office.

Now Satoru was a lot of things, model, gamer, streamer, dance choreographer, substitute teacher for a high school (you don't really get how he keeps getting that), and in his words your loving rich boyfriend. But what you didn't know is that he's petty and vengeful to a fault. He believes that if you wouldn't do it, might as well he does because you are too empathetic for your own good (thank God you were studying to be a therapist). Now you may not tell Satoru about the bullies but Suguru does. You didn't know that Suguru was in the same university taking his Master's degree in business, and coincidentally just taking a video of the entire exchange to send to your lovely boyfriend. Yes, weird but in Satoru's defense his friends like you more than they like him (he's not entirely wrong).

Satoru received a message from Suguru, minutes after you walked away from your bullies. This day was his Streaming day, so mid stream his fans would say that it was the first time they've seen him frown. He kindly apologized to his fans and ended the stream early that day. He knew you weren't one to complain, or to tell him what happened. So he wordlessly shops online to get you a better and cheap (in his opinion cheap means something your bullies can't afford even if they used their daddies black card) sweater that you were sure to love.

"Toru I'm home." he hears your voice call out.

He smooths out his features, and smiles when he sees you enter your shared room. He also takes note that you probably used the university shower since you're wearing a different blouse and cardigan (both bought by him on your twenty-first birthday).

"Sweetie! Your home!" He lunges at you, long limbs and all.

"Toru, you're heavy and tall!" You whined.

"You left me all alone here in our home and when I show you how much I miss you, you complain." He sulks in a corner, making you laugh lightly.

"Not what I meant and I had to go to school." You reasoned.

"Take me with you." He whined even more, somehow reminding you of a kicked puppy.

"Tried that and do you remember what happened?" You asked.

"Not really, I just knew that I was ripped away from my darling baby!" He exclaimed as he walked towards the bed and flopped on it.

You shook your head as you opted to cuddle close to your boyfriend. You were exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically. Satoru was more than happy to provide you comfort. As you slept, he checked out the people in the video that Suguru sent him. He remembers their faces, their leader, he remembers is also a model for the same brand he models with. She would brag about getting the job because of her father. He was close friends with the brand owner, after all she was his senior.

"Mei-mei, remember that one really annoying model of yours?" He messaged.

"Yeah, what about her?" She replied.

"Can you just terminate her contract and fire her?" He asked.

"Sure. I'd let Utahime deal with the rest. Plus she barely does shit. I didn't even hire her, I specifically said no, and her god father who works in the stupid casting still got her. Fired him too. But why do you want her gone?" She texted back.

"Bullied my girlfriend." Was all he replied. Mei-mei only sent him a thumbs up. Next were her friends, which was way easier. They were rich kids, just staying in the school because their parents were paying for them to be there, even with all the violations they had. Did it help that he was from a distinguished family and that Suguru was willing to play a part as well? Yes. Suguru's family and his family all petitioned for all four of your bullies to be expelled from the University and any of its sister schools, they complained that scandals like these were not worth protecting.

When you went to uni next week, you were surprised to see all four of your bullies having their things and themselves removed from the premises. You eyed them curiously and went about your day. You thought that maybe they were found doing something they shouldn't but they were rich, don't rich people buy their way out of their problems? Nonetheless you were kind of glad.

When you returned home, you found Satoru cooking in the kitchen. He's been proud of his skill as well after he took some classes since he felt bad having to make you cook dinner after your uni and your part time job.

"Welcome back? How was your day?" Satoru asked.

"Work was fine, the cafe was packed today. School was also fine. Saw some people get escorted out of uni." You said.

"Ooh, tell me all about it." He said as if he wasn't the reason.

"Well, the ones who were escorted out were notorious bullies. I mean who remains a bully well into college? Like what fucked up psyche must you have to do that? But they were also my bullies so a part of me was glad." You said the last part softly.

"Did you say they were bullying you? Baby you should've told me. I would've given them a piece of my mind." He cooed. He should really get an award for how well he's acting right now.

"Yeah but it's nothing." You said as you clung to him.

"Well at least they won't bother you anymore." He said truthfully.

"Yeah. Karma really got them in the end." You said as you looked up at him with a small grin.

"Yeah, I told you so, Miss Taylor Swift is correct." He said playfully.

"Now let's eat dinner and watch the really cute anime we found." He added as he sat you down.

Yes, karma really got them in the end but just like what Taylor Swift also sang about. Karma is your Boyfriend, and he truly will do anything to keep you happy. Even if he seems petty.

[whatever-you-can-give-me]

i was talking about this in a reblog, but i decided to make this its own post, because i've seen some conversation that's expressing discomfort with stampede asserting that dependent/bulbed plants don't have souls, and that's not what's being conveyed in the slightest.

tl;dr: conrad's speech about souls is not something we're supposed to take as objective fact about the stampede universe — the thesis isn't dependent plants don't have souls, the thesis is oh holy shit, they're doing eugenics.

conrad's not an unbiased narrator. he's a half-dead, guilt-stricken eugenicist parroting the talking points of an obsessive cult leader whose history book was the bible.

so let’s break down exactly what the fuck we’re being told, because it’s not exposition we’re meant to take at face value.

(under the cut for length, spoilers, and discussion of eugenics, ableism, christianity, cults, experimentation, and sexual assault — both as metaphor and taken literally, as seen in ep11)

first, some context. we can't trust the exact visuals of what we see in the flashbacks in ep11, given that what knives is doing is explicitly memory manipulation, but we can get a few broad strokes about knives' childhood experiences:

a significant, memorable source of his understanding of humanity came from the bible. now anyone with even a passing knowledge of the bible (especially raised-xtian kids who had the opportunity or the obligation to read it at a young age, possibly to the exclusion of other, secular entertainment) will understand how much that explains. 

what the scene with the bible is also conveying, is that knives' mental/moral framework is a christian one. which, obviously — the eye of michael is evangelicalism but even more of a death cult. this also explains knives' fixation on the concept of "souls", but put a pin in that, we'll come back to it. 

knives and vash are painfully recognizable as gifted/neurodivergent/disabled children. vash is the underperformer, the high-needs kid — treated gently, told how he’s loved for how he is, but always aware of his own shortcomings. and knives is the golden child, the gifted one. he has powers (special powers, rem tells him, that he should hide from everyone, because if Anyone But I Knew, They Would hurt you — put a pin in that, we will come back to it)

finding tesla cements knives’ worldview that humanity will hurt and exploit plants given the justification, which makes him fear for vash, who can’t provide anything for humanity — but tesla also teaches knives that there is something particularly special about independents. something worthy of study. (see: knives still allowing experiments with presumably plant tissue to continue for 150 years)

and then we meet knives as an adult, and conrad tells us what knives believes: that he has a soul, and vash has a soul, and dependent/bulbed plants do not, that their souls are on some higher plane, and if knives gives them souls, everything will be okay. they won’t need humans anymore, because he doesn’t need humans. he doesn’t need to eat or drink. he can make all his sisters Just Like Him, and that will fix their exploitation.

this is, of course, some fucking bullshit. there’s a reason, narratively, we see vash communicating with his sisters before this reveal — they’re not “husks” or “soulless”, they move and react, they’re clearly conscious and sentient. they don’t speak, but they communicate, they act willfully.

so, what is knives thinking, where did he get it, and what’s actually happening?

our Context Pins, for context:

as much as knives believes himself separate from humanity, his view of the world is very human, albeit held at a distance from humanity, and very specifically christian

knives was told, over and over and over by rem, that he was special. that he had special, wonderful powers, and that made him different from everyone else. his brother, and other plants. he’s special.

so the train of thought goes like this:

plants are exploited by humanity (a true statement) => the only way for plants to not be exploited is for humanity to not exist (an understandable conclusion, given his experience with tesla) => but plants need humans to survive => knives is completely self-sufficient => if he makes the other plants like him, they’ll survive on their own.

add the golden-child personal superiority from rem’s… interesting parenting (believe me, she’s a whole different post on her own) and the concept of souls cribbed from the christian framework he was raised in, used as a placeholder word for whatever knives believes he has that his sisters don't, and it starts to makes sense how knives got from point A to point E(ugenics)

and it’s pretty clear we’re supposed to find this framework horrifying even before anything else happens, because — what about vash? what about the percentage of independents who don’t produce anything? who are conduits, specifically “useful” for communicating with dependent plants, who can’t communicate like humans. who eat food and drink water to survive.

that could be up to 50% of independent plants. who would die without humans regardless of whatever knives does to them.

and speaking of what knives does to them…

stampede is not a subtle show, especially not with its visual language. we aren’t supposed to listen to a word knives is saying, or take anything he says (or his lackeys/cult members say) at face value, because what knives is doing, in between breaking vash’s brain to get him to sit and stay, is using vash to assault his sisters.

there’s a reason the visual language of that scene is forced impregnation — whatever knives is doing to them, “souls” or otherwise, he certainly didn’t ask what they wanted before he did it.

[peachymilkandcream]

My Husband, My Monster|Part 2|William Afton x Wife!Reader

(A/N: Part 2 is here! I've honestly had such a good time writing this so far, part of me is kind of happy to not have a technical storyline to stick to so strongly like Break Me Slowly. I'm trying my best to keep these to once a week but we'll see how well we do with Christmas coming up. Also I'm not sure how long this fic will be, apparently more movies are coming out so once it's finished I might just make some oneshots inspired off of them but we'll see. Enjoy and don't hesitate to hope in my inbox for requests!)

WARNINGS: noncon, dubcon, power imbalance, age difference, manipulation, mind breaking, yandere themes, yandere behaviours, domestic violence, misogyny, violence, William’s a warning himself, etc.

=============================================

A person's first job was always a memorable part of their life, truly learning how to become an adult and gain valuable experience. And one hell of a experience it was.

The first shift had been great, William had taken her under his wing, showing her the ropes and ensuring that she understood her position. The atmosphere of work was lovely, friendly and playful and she got to interact with children which she loved. Each section of the diner was a wonder of mechanical feats, animatronics who came to life all because her boss was an ingenious man. Ketchup stains and the occasional milkshake spill were well worth the experience of it all.

"Well done for your first day, I hope everything didn't scare you off just yet."

She smiles, taking a moment to rest her feet after the long day. "Yeah, I knew going in there would be some level of chaos, it'll be fine."

"So in that case I'll see you tomorrow at eight sharp?"

There's a pause. "In the morning?"

"Of course, although it's common to be here a few minutes early."

"Well- sir- I have class that morning-"

"And I need you here. There's the most to do in the morning."

"I understand I just think I can't make it-"

William frowns. "I thought you could be flexible."

"Well I can but-"

"No it's alright, I see how it is. I'm counting on you and yet you're not here to back it up."

She chews her lip, she never could stand letting people down. "But class-"

"At the end of the day schooling won't get you everywhere you need, job experience is what's important."

There's a long moment of pause, considering her options. "Well- I suppose I can skip one class, one of my friends can take notes for me."

Now William brightens. "There we go, I knew I could count on you." His hand lands on her shoulder, keeping it there for a touch longer than usual to let it sink in.

Her smile is tight and forced, clearly a bit annoyed at having to miss one of her classes, but that she would come to grips with soon enough. =============================================

The next day ends similar to the first, hard work and exhaustion, stains and slight discomfort. Moments of rest spoiled when her boss slid her the paper copy of her indefinite schedule.

"These are all mornings-"

"Of course, it seems like that's where you're the best suited and it's where I need you the most. Why, is that a problem?"

"Did I forget to give you my class schedule? All my classes are mornings."

William shrugs. "I'm not sure what to say, I'm sure you can get by on notes."

"I'll get in trouble-"

"Oh you've never been to higher schooling, I have, don't worry it will be fine. All that really matters is that you know the material for tests and quizzes. That's all."

She shifts uncomfortably, as if deciding whether or not to argue the point further or if she should believe him.

Finally she nods, accepting. "I suppose you're right, it'll work out in the end."

============================================

Weeks went on like this, William working her to near collapse, giving her little time for friends and family and no time for school. The exhaustion was affecting her grades surely, since she always complained about not finishing an assignment on time.

It was inevitable when she came to him and told him of dropping out.

"You had to drop out? Why?" He asked innocently.

"My grades went down too far, and I just couldn't seem to focus or find interest in the course anymore. It was for the best to just quit before I spent too much money."

"That's such a shame."

She shrugs and gives a sad smile. "It's probably for the best, if I couldn't handle the schooling I wouldn't have handled the field."

He can't help but press further. "What do your parents think about this? They paid your tuition yes?"

"They're not happy at all, which is why I have to give in my two week notice."

This gave him pause, annoyance and confusion causing him to frown. "Two week notice? I would think you'd need a job more than ever now."

She shakes her head. "My parents are moving me away, they're convinced the reason I fail is because of my friends so they believe if I'm separated from them then I'll get my career."

All of his hard work was being threatened now, he had to think fast. "You're really going to give up your entire friend group because your parents are trying to order their grown daughter around?" He shakes his head. "I wouldn't allow that if I were you."

"But what can I do? I have no where to go, I can't afford my own place even at full time pay."

William pauses for a few moments for effect. "Well, I hate to see young futures go to waste, and since my heart goes out to those in need, I would be willing to help you afford an apartment. I'll get you to make it up to me in other ways, have you work some more or something, nothing to worry about."

"You'd really do that for me?" Her eyes shine with admiration.

"Of course, I care for all of my employees, and bright young minds need independence to thrive."

"Oh thank you thank you thank you!" Her smile is so big and bright, completely oblivious to the looming clouds threatening her happiness.

[ladykatibeth]

ok, I know ppl think the singing to each other was cringe but like!!!!! i don't care because the!!!! implications of it!!!!! like!!!!! I've posted about this before but!!! for an Angel who originally couldn't tell the difference between noise and music until Beelzebub pointed it out, Gabriel sure does Sing their song a lot-- something something, singing being inherenrly a behavior, not an art; something something, human beings sing when they are happy, even if they sing like shit and they know they sing like shit, they will sing, because happiness always begets singing. Something something, Gabriel being so happy with Beelzebub, he not only learns what music is, but learns to make it-- to SING it, as well!!

and then. singing as an indication that he'd fallen in love!! he never used to sing-- that's obvious from how surprised aziraphale was to hear him do it as jim. it's just noise, usually! but suddenly he's going around, humming under his breath, memorizing lyrics, smiling to himself as he does it. and he does it often enough that beelzebub knows how to harmonize with him!! like!!!!!! excuse you, you two, i need you to tell me when this lil habit started pls

but also!! there isn't always a juke box. or a radio. or a speaker. and it's weird to suddenly miracle the song to play from thin air, so gabriel sings it when they don't have anything to play it on. the song is always going to be there. in the juke box. and in gabriel. even when he wipes his mind, even if he can't remember a face or a name, something something his body keeps the score of their love. his mouth forms shapes around the sound of Them.

and then the song and the singing being the thing that graces their exit? lmao. bye. that is the most romantic shit i've come across. bravo.

No right like I adore these two’s ability to toe the line of sort of cringe but also 100% adorable. I saw another person say they were acting like 13 year olds, and that’s exactly it!

This is their very first love! Of course they’re being like that about it! How were you about your first love? I can guarantee for most people it was silly and awkward and cute.

And I just adore that. These people who have never had anyone else before—finally getting the opportunity to just be emotional and silly about everything.

And like—frankly Angels and Demons are just naturally a little socially inept, but also….this is the first time they’ve had a just positive relationship with someone else, they have no pre-conceived notions, it’s like love concentrated.

They’re doing love instinctively! And I’ve heard people say the difference is them being celestial, but actually it’s so so human.

Human’s sing to each other as a form of romance, but it’s also private. Like….that’s a romantic trope, humans have they’re own songs, specially for they’re special Romance—(cue our song by Taylor Swift)

But it’s also such young love to, adult humans have specific things they give each other than mean romance, pretty rocks and metal on chains, flowers, chocolate—

Meanwhile an Elementary schooler withe a crush with give them whatever they have that they think is cool on hand—like a fly in a match box for example.

I’m sorry it’s just—-awnbdhdjnd.

These ancient celestial beings, being able to be young and in love…..