#but like having less/no dysphoria can sometimes make you not understand how necessary it can be to have constant or immediate releif from it

[dollopheadedmerlin]

Mneh so I never was very good with my binding habits before surgery. Like, my dysphoria was so bad I wouldn't get out of bed if I wasn't putting a binder on, so I basically wore a binder every single day from dawn to dusk just so that I wasn't miserable and could actually enjoy my time.

And I don't regret it. Not at all. I never slept in my binder. I never double binded. I always wore the right size. But from the moment I woke up, I had to have one on or I was just constantly uncomfortable to an unbearable extreme. So I wore one, every single day, for 12 to 20 hours, for several years.

Sooo now I have flared ribs, and possibly slipping ribs syndrome.

But again. I don't regret it, because if I hadn't worn my binder the way I had, I would have spent a lot of those seven-ish years doing nothing but getting more and more depressed and sleeping. So it was essentially a trade off. Either bind improperly and develop some problems or bind properly but spend those years just sort of waiting for them to be over. That's why I honestly think maybe if people are asking for advice on how to bind unsafely but more effectively, it's probably more useful to list many options of varying levels of safe. If someone has to double bind or they're hate themselves too deeply to live with it, then I'd say it's best to try and find the safest way to get them as flat as possible, even if it isn't right way or the risk free way.

Anywho. That was all prerequisite to why I think I have slipping rib syndrome even though it seems to be fairly uncommon.

I haven't seen anyone about it yet, but my ribs get sore sometimes. Either from sitting weird, moving a lot, breathing hard, etc. They also just hurt when I'm tired sometimes. Aside from that, my lower back hurts often as well, but most pointedly, my ribs occasionally will just give me a random sharp pain.

I always thought it felt like they moved, like a rib would sort of shift into and awkward angle and that made it hurt, but I wasn't sure if my rib was actually moving or if that was just how I was interpreting the pain.

But now that I know about slipping rib syndrome I'm like 95% sure I have it. I got some rib pain at work and in the car today (it sounds worse than it is, many days they don't move at all, but today they just decides I have a party ig) and now that I'm looking for movement I'm like YEAH THAT MOVED.

TLDR; So basically my ribs are doing the electric slide all the time and risk assessment is important ig

[yaut-jaknowit]

Hi there! I wanted to say that I love your work and I’m really enjoying seeing all the good shit you put out! Tbh me and my twin have been eating up the story with We’ar-ow! We’ve sorta created our own character to fit in as the reader, and we chat about each update after you post them! It’s a fun little book club in a way! If you ever end up publishing any books, be sure to tell! I love your writing style it’s so distinct and enjoyable!

Also! I wonder how yautja would react to a real short s/o (imma dude and being 5’2 sucks a lot, my mom had to fuck a short king sigh) I had to grab something next to my couch that’s only 2 feet off the ground and I almost flipped my body over reaching. I can’t even wrap my arms around my knees when sitting either

I am able to reach a lot of small things hidden around my house, and I’m really good at anything small with my hands like sewing- tbh that’s the only upside

also quick yautja question- do you think they’re able to produce twins or triplets? Mostly asking cuz I’m one! :p

also I’m so thankful for you writing for readers who aren’t female! it really warms my heart <3 sometimes it can hard to find non female readers and x male readers help with my dysphoria

Short King

Pairing: Uihoy (Male Yautja) x Mas!Reader

Word Count: 692

Summary: After the countless times you've fallen off of places or even found yourself somewhere you're not suppose to be, your wonderful mates have gotten you a step stool. Uihoy understands the frustrations himself. But he doesn't want you getting hurt.

Author Note: I'm so thankful and love this message so much. And the fact you chat about my writings?! Seeing this message for the first had me squealing and kicking my feet like a school girl. I hope one day I'll publish books but for now, I stick to writing fanfics about being dicked down by aliens.

P.s. Gonna be honest, I never knew how many AMABs liked Yautjas. I'm used to fangirls since I'm one myself. But I'm happy to help fill in the hole for the lack of AMAB writtens

Masterlist

Ao3

Knowing some Yautjas out there, they have a size kink. So you being much smaller than them goes burr for them.

They can also wrap themselves around you easier. It makes for the best cuddling sessions because they can probably almost encase you completely. That way, they can protect you better!

They also wouldn’t treat too much different either. They might ensure your items are closer to the ground so you don’t have to climb as much to reach them.

A step stool around either their ship or hut on Yautja Prime is necessary. They wouldn’t want you to go without it either. Less climbing means less danger for you! Safe on the ground floor where you can’t bust your head open.

After one close call with a fall, your mate wouldn’t want you to even think about getting on the damned counters again. So, he got you a step stool.

Once in awhile, you’ll see him use it too. Don’t let him know or say a damn word about it.

Plus, imagine those with the size difference kink. You desperately trying to reach something too far above you. They come up behind you, squishing your body to either the counter or wall. That day ended up differently than you originally thought.

Seeing the way your hand barely fits in their palm. They’re purring up a storm and holding you close.

As for the twins and triplets: yes, it is possible but a very rare occurrence. With their head structure, it’s already hard to push out one. It also puts a huge strain on their bodies. Some go through with the pregnancy if they believe they can endure the journey. Others don’t to save them either the downfall of an unnecessary death of themselves or their children.

I believe in some cultures of the Yautja, it’s celebrated if a female produces more than one offspring and survived. It is a feat that many don’t endure or survive.

Hands encased your hips and pinned you to the counter. A heavy body draped acrossed your back. Hot air caressed the shell of your ear. “What does little hunter think gonna do?” a grumbly voice spoke, slightly scolding you for what might have been a dangerous action. At least in those bright orange eyes of his.

Your entire body jumped at the sudden feel before relaxing, head titling to the side. Uihoy’s profile met your gaze. “I have no idea what you mean,” you brushed off. “I’m just trying to grab a bowl.” That was only thing that was the second shelf they hadn’t moved yet. You best believe it will be after today.

Uihoy snorted then reached above you and grabbed hold of the item you were attempting to take. It was placed before you on the counter in front of you.

The hand left on your hip drifted up to clasp hold of your throat. A finger was used to tilt your head back. Uihoy leaned over you to look you in the eye. “Next time, use the stool,” he scolded and pinched the column of your throat in warning.

Your shoulders sagged, eyes rolling with attitude. “But Uie! I was fine. Three feet off the ground ain’t gonna kill me,” you complained and leaned your weight against the short Yautja. His body barely even wavered at the added weight.

“No, but Uihoy might if little hunter doesn’t listen.” There was no bite in his words. You groaned.

His hold on you slipped away. He took a step away from you. You snatched the bowl off of the counter in front of you and marched over to the refrigerator-like device in the wall.

As you pulled out the stew made yesterday to consume as a mid-day lunch, you narrowed your eyes on Uihoy. The Yautja still stood in the kitchen, leaning against the island. With a spoon, you pointed it at him, non-threatening. “You’re lucky I love you enough I won’t smack you for calling me short,” you pouted and poured some of the stew to fill half the bowl.

A disgruntled grunt sounded from the elder. “My heart is yours, little one.”

[somethingmissingthiswaycomes]

I keep reading about other trans guys' experiences and feeling like... Oh man... I need to get back on testosterone.

More and more I'm realizing that, while I wasn't ready to go further on HRT when I started it, I do ultimately need to transition more. I need the puberty I never got.

I'm realizing more and more that I have a lot of internalized... androphobia, I suppose, would be the word. My mother understandably taught me to be more wary of men than women, and my emotionally distant father has been the only man in my life since forever. (It's been nice to get to know him for real over the last year or so.) I've internalized the particularly transandrophobic fear that, if I went "too far" with HRT, I would become something I've been taught to fear. If I go "too far," I'll have betrayed something.

Learning that I was trans has also brought me into online spaces with more transfemmes than transmascs, and learning about feminism through these spaces also brought up a lot of anti-man rhetoric that I'm trying to unlearn in a feminist way—rhetoric that came from understandable places, largely either from radfem ideas separated from transphobia or from externalized dysphoria in discussions by trans women in largely feminine spaces. All very understandable, most of it not even hateful so much as vaguely resentful toward the idea of "being a man", but ultimately a harmful environment for me to explore my gender in.

When I got top surgery, I was filled with anxiety because I had little to no positive examples of what my body should or could look like after the fact. Not with my body type, anyway, and largely not without the effects of testosterone beforehand. I knew I wanted to be rid of my breasts, so I went through with it with... probably less information about what to expect at the end than I should have. (Though it was thoroughly necessary, and I don't regret it.)

I think my hesitancy to transition also comes from having managed to internalize transmisogyny—the idea that I could never properly express my womanhood as a genderfluid person if I went "too far" with testosterone. I don't believe this about anyone else, but I suppose the harmful bias is in there. Even as I've wished before that I'd been through an AMAB puberty, as I've wanted to be feminine in ways that celebrate the effects of testosterone, I've still thought... "What if, by the end of it, I feel like those trans women who say they were 'ruined' by it?"

Which I think leads me into the next realization I've had, which is that I've also internalized the (false) idea that trans people who were AFAB are privileged. That, if I made myself appear AMAB to onlookers, maybe I would lose that "privilege." I'm realizing here that I'm scared of losing the "privilege" that being uncomfortable in my own skin has supposedly lent me. But I know that I would never put that on others; of course I'd never say that a trans woman shouldn't risk the "privilege" she'd lose by rejecting the manhood society places on her. But that's how internalizing things works, I suppose. It can make you very hypocritical.

All this, and then sometimes I'll watch a short film about a transmasculine experience, or I'll read an article about a trans man's life, or I'll actually seek out the thoughts and words of guys like me, and... It's triggering, honestly. It makes me yearn. It makes me want but it doesn't eliminate these feelings of fear and self-disgust.

I stopped taking HRT because my arms started looking like my grandfather's arms. The grandfather who brazenly, proudly supports Trump, who went out more often during the peak of COVID, who knows that my sister and I are both trans and sent an envelope with $20 checks "for the girls" for Christmas that included me and excluded her. (I gave her my check out of spite for him.) I stopped taking testosterone because my body started to remind me of the man who had encouraged my sister to join the military, which traumatized her, and who disaproved of my mother's second marriage because she fell in love with a black man.

It is... very hard to accept yourself as a trans man who needs testosterone to be comfortable in your own body when the people your body starts to resemble are hateful and horrible, and when some of the people at the forefront of the movement for your rights project that onto you too, even unintentionally.

But with every story I hear about a trans guy sharing my struggles and doing what they need to, what they want to, and being supported by those they choose to surround themselves with... I feel more emboldened. Sure of myself and what I need.

Keep sharing stories of love and success, and of struggles and fights, and pride.

[genderfluid-info-blog]

Hi! I think I might be genderfluid. I have felt like I wasn't purely cis for a very long time, adopting 'lesbian' as "basically sort of my gender" for a while when I was 18, and feeling indifferent towards pronouns since forever (though using she/her because it's easier). I first realised last October that the way I saw my own gender sort of changed with my expression and how other people perceived me (ie wearing a dress made me feel more feminine, liking star trek around people who consider that a masculine show made me feel more masculine, etc). After realising that, I started to focus on how *I* felt regardless of other people's opinion. I am noticing now I find it quite difficult to discern gender roles, gender expression, and my actual gender itself. I have days where I wear a sports bra as a binder because it feels better, days where anything feminine makes me feel uncomfortable, days where I feel like I am both masculine and feminine at the same time, or nothing entirely. Yet on the other hand, I also have days where not dressing femininely makes me feel uncomfortable, and I've noticed that even on my more 'masculine' days, it is important to me that I don't feel like a man, and that I'm afab. On those days, I truly do not feel like a woman, but the part of me that is raised a girl and understands what it feels like to be a girl is always in me. It's an important part of the way my gender feels to me, at all times. This also makes me feel like I am 'faking' it (for lack of a better word), like I really am just a cis woman who prefers dressing in a way that is more gender-nonconforming sometimes. Of course I know that no one can tell me what my gender is, or even what "gender" is and how to define it, but I'd love to feel a little less lost. How do I feel more certain in my gender identity? Is this a common genderfluid experience (is there a microlabel for this)? Do you, or anyone reading this, have any tips on how to determine what my gender is on any given day, how to identify that feeling? Thank you so much for all you do on this blog <3

Hi! What you're describing sounds like a typical genderfluid experience :)

First of all, I want to preface this by saying that it's completely valid for your AGAB to be important to your gender! You don't need to resent your AGAB or distance yourself from it in order to be trans! It is perfectly understandable that having grown up AFAB plays a big role to you and that being an important part of your identity does not mean that you're "faking it". You're valid the way you are. <3

Now, as for your question to how you can feel more certain in your gender identity:

I have a very similar ask to this here with a list of things that might help you

Check out genderfluid spaces! Engage with the community, read about other people's experiences, but also just enjoy the memes, positivity posts, exchanges etc. Interacting with the community surrounding your gender can help you feel validated :)

Affirm yourself. Say your gender out loud to yourself, take care of yourself, especially on days when gender dysphoria hits, find clothes that make you feel comfortable and good about yourself.

Give yourself time. Everyone gets insecure from time to time, and especially at the beginning most of us fall into insecurity and self-doubts. It sucks, but it's a perfectly normal experience. It'll get better with time.

Engage online with posts that make you feel good about your gender! And come back to them when the doubts get worse

Don't be too harsh on yourself. Distract yourself with your hobbies, friends and other activities if necessary, but try not to fall into a hole of overthinking, that's counterproductive and just makes you feel bad about yourself.

If you can, buy products that give you gender euphoria. It doesn't have to be something big. A perfume, a soap, a bracelet, etc. Little changes can make a big difference :)

I personally don't know of a micro label relating to this, but I do believe that it's a common experience among many people. You're not alone with this feeling. I personally feel connected to my AGAB as well and to a certain degree it plays a role in my gender. That's not uncommon or wrong.

And as for figuring out what gender you are on any given day:

See how people referring to you as certain terms (woman, man, person etc) make you feel

Try to find words that feel like "you" gender-wise on that day, this can be literally anything! (e. g. rock, moss, forest, wave ec. sometimes it's easier to describe my gender in words like this and it still helps me put into perspective what gender I am that day, idk if that works for you, but you could give it a try!)

I can't think of anything else right now, but if someone else has more tips, feel free to add them!!

And thank you for your kind words, I'm glad you enjoy my blog🩷 Have a great day! <3

[pregnancykink]

this is a bit of a personal question, so i understand if you don’t want to answer! as someone who’s transmasc but fem i struggle to explain to others & rationalize myself why i feel more strongly aligned w/ fem men than fem women. it’s had me wondering whether i really am transmasc. i know that you as a transmasc are fem presenting & that you’re interested in pregnancy so i wanted to hear your take on it.

how do you differentiate between being a cis fem woman and a trans fem man? how does it “feel” different to you to be transmasc, and change how you see yourself? seeing your confidence in your photos and your comfort with your gender has been immensely helpful for me and it’d mean a lot if i could get your thoughts on this! :) pls answer if you feel comfortable

Hey anon! I’m extremely touched that me posting and stuff has helped you out🥺

I think first of all is that I try NOT to rationalize myself to people — I (we) don’t need to! One of the most important things a friend told me is “I don’t need you to get it or understand, I just need you to respect me.” This has especially been helpful with people like my parents who I genuinely think would get it more if I were a binary trans man lol. But they don’t have to get it! They just need to respectfully try to use my pronouns and say stuff like “my child” instead of “my daughter.”

Secondly, it’s important to remember that everyone’s gender journey is their own. It can be really hard to not get bogged down especially in this age of social media. Like I was posting about yesterday — it gets me down that I’m not so confident in HRT like a lot of people I know are! But also — and I know I’m immensely lucky for this — most of my friends are also trans and are very supportive of me and my identity which is very helpful. When I feel “less” trans I know that’s me projecting and not anybody making me feel that way.

Re: differentiating — I don’t see myself as a cis fem woman because I’m not! That sounds so stupidly simple but it really is. When I think of calling myself a woman I get this icky feeling all over. I don’t think this means I can’t connect to womanhood. I personally DO feel like I was a girl who later blossomed (lol) into a dude. I went through a lot of stuff as a girl that I still connect with. Doesn’t mean the trans shit wasn’t always there. Now that I know, I see a lot of egg moments in my younger self. But I still connect with my girlhood. A lot of trans people were always that gender and that’s awesome. I don’t feel that way, and that’s also okay. A great phrase I use a lot is “one person’s dysphoria is another’s euphoria.”

That all said — identifying with fem men over fem women definitely speaks to you identifying with masculinity. I think masculinity can be whatever you make it. Sometimes I feel so masc when I have a full face and super revealing dress on! I get it though, it sucks when people don’t see you how you are. And it can be a bummer to constantly correct people. It does get me down a lot. I think I take a lot of comfort in surrounding myself with people who respect me — I know this is easier said than done but I really recommend trying to get involved in your local queer community if at all possible, and if not finding people online.

Re: my presentation — I never felt like I was born in the wrong body or anything like that, I have way more social dysphoria. I don’t like that I’m seen as a woman walking down the street. I don’t like that when guys hit on me at the bar it’s 99% of the time because they think I’m just an alt girl. But I don’t want to change to fit what others perceive. I like my boobs! I like my pussy! I like my curves! And I think really trying to overcome the “this body type/presentation = woman” thing in your head is HARD but necessary. I totally get why others want top, bottom, etc. That’s their way of feeling more aligned with their gender and that’s fantastic. For me…it isn’t. Really trying to view these things as neutral is hard but necessary.

Same with pregnancy. Now I’ve wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl (see!) and now that I’m a grown man/masc/person that hasn’t changed. I really really view pregnancy as a neutral. It’s something my body can do and I want to do it. Society equates this (and wanting this — but there ARE cis men who want to be pregnant too! People of every gender!) with being a woman but working to remember and surrounding yourself with people who know it’s a neutral can be helpful. That’s another thing like…I would consider myself a mother. Some transmascs who choose to give birth may want to be called a father or another term. I view these terms as neutral in my head. Like gender identity it’s whatever feels right to YOU.

Whoever you identify with that makes YOU feel good is valid — like I know the word valid has been overused on the Internet but I really mean it. Like Joan Jett is on my gender moodboard as much as Kellan Lutz in Twilight. I really found comfort in finding my own style, which I describe as jock/goth (joth) lol and so playing around with that has been helpful. If fem men are how you feel connected to your masculinity — then hell yes! With stuff like makeup…I like makeup! That’s a value neutral! I like the artistry and playing around with it. I have to work to remember that it isn’t an inherently cisfem thing.

Unfortunately a lot of my coping is self-validation (and luckily, from my friends too) and believing that society will catch up.

I know this was SUPER rambly but my coping mechanism has been fake it till you make it from the time I was a 9 year old being bullied in 4th grade and it still is. If you act confident the confidence will come…

Idk how helpful this was but I hope it was a bit!

Btw — if you feel transmasc, then you are :) it’s as simple as that!

[housecatclawmarks]

I’ve had a couple instances lately where I’ve seen other trans people processing like extremely justified rage at cisnormativity & cis ppl in general by like channeling it through some kind of spite for nonbinary people and it’s frustrating to me when we let this go unaddressed amongst ourselves outside of criticizing transmedicalism bc it just makes us all so much weaker.

There are a lot of us (trans people) out here & a lot of us have different opinions on pretty much everything to do with being trans but it is just SO fucking necessary to take a reality check sometimes and look at the people actually around you. a lot of you are much more comfortable saying ‘nonbinary people’ than you are saying ‘people with internalized transphobia who are scared of having a Trans Body and being seen as trans’, and those are two VERY distinct things.

I can guarantee you there are nonbinary people in your communities who are in the same hormones you are on, who are facing the same levels of discrimination for being trans that you are, who are being as outspoken visually and verbally as you are. And there are also nonbinary people who aren’t-the same way there are many binary trans people who are afraid to transition, afraid to really come out, afraid to talk to other trans people, afraid to be seen.

There isn’t any one true defining difference between a man and a woman and there isn’t any one true defining difference between a binary person and a nonbinary person.

This misdirection also just makes us less likely to ask the important questions about who is making us feel alone, and why. I.e., I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the fact that gayness has innate gender nonconformity, there have always been cis gay people using different pronouns, doing drag, etc, and there still are-in some ways they share similar struggles to us, but they aren’t being targeted like we are and in my day to day life as a trans person I can feel a very tangible difference between them and me, a difference I don’t feel with nonbinary people who haven’t medically transitioned-because the differences and similarities are SO MUCH MORE about how we see ourselves, what we choose, how we feel than what our flesh looks like, what we wear, etc.

When I hear other trans people talking about their frustrations with nonbinary people, I understand the frustrations, but not the targets-bc being nonbinary isn’t something that makes trans people more likely to hide, or less likely to stand up for each other. and it isn’t something that makes trans people less likely to understand dysphoria, to surround themselves with community, or to present as their gender. it definitely isn’t something that makes them more likely than any of us to cater to cis concepts of beauty and worth in how they present themselves and what they do with their bodies. Calling out frustrating behaviors for what they are and recognizing the specific people doing them is harder but so much more worthwhile than attaching them to a generalized group of people to vent about and calling it a day.

[vani-lla-boi]

a rant about my life these days

i feel like good things are starting to happen to me.

i finally ordered my first stp and harness to wear it with today. i'm excited to learn how to use it. i'd been debating for a month or two about which exact brand and type i wanted, but today i was like you know what? it's been a long enough wait. i want to have this and i'll be happy with whatever style i decide on.

these past few months have been so great for me. i've started testosterone, i've gotten my first real binders (and not just sports bras), i've gotten in my first relationship. and best of all i've done all these things on my own. it makes me feel so independent and capable of pursuing things i want in life.

elaborating on the relationship part: my boyfriend is cis and he tries his best to understand what i tell him about being trans. but he doesn't have much common sense about these things. i shouldn't rant about that in this post (i probably will post in the future about my experience though). the important thing is that he's learning. i think i'm lucky to have someone who knows there's room for improvement.

regarding being trans, recently i've felt less dysphoria than before as i've been realizing how pointless gender seems to me. like i am indeed a man, but it's so strange that people treat me differently based on what gender they see me as. i hate when i see items or even webpages pointlessly gendered "for men" or "for women". being trans makes me realize how similar people are regardless of their gender. in a sense it makes me feel like i can connect with everyone, but also barely anyone cause like why do cis people think there's some massive scale fundamental differences like men and women are different species? where does that put nonbinary people? don't ask me how they think.

school has been ok these past few months. i've always been continuously stressed about classes. my major is biology and a lot of the classes i need fill up quickly. i realized today that i fucked up one part of my current schedule for the fall, but i was able to determine that it won't hurt me too badly in the future--only potentially missing out on a class that sounds interesting if i can't get this fixed which i have a lot of time to do.

honestly i'm thinking of taking a gap year between when i graduate (2024) and starting grad school. i'm going into healthcare so i have to take a lot of classes before grad school. which sucks because i've already changed my major and fucked up which classes i took several times in the past. so maybe it's ok to just take it slow. i don't even know what i want to be yet: nurse, PT, PA? i'd be happy with any of my options.

and finally, i did get called "sir" today. i love being gendered correctly in public. it means some random stranger is so sure of my gender that they would say it out loud. of course passing is not necessary to being trans but it makes me feel seen. it just brightened my day enough for me to mention here.

thanks for letting me rant. sometimes i feel like i can't get all my thoughts out without boring people lol. as long as i keep this going it won't be awkward or anything for me to post, it'll just be normal lol. have a good day and a happy 4th of july!

[macncheesenketchup]

things you should avoid, know, or do if you support autistic and adhd people and why: a list for allistic, non adhd or neurotypical people

TW FOR AUTISTIC/ADHD PEOPLE READING THIS: DESCRIPTIONS OF ABLEISM, MENTION OF R-SLUR, MENTION OF AUTISM $PEAKS

People often don’t realize why what they say or do is offensive, and want to do better but don’t understand how. So, for those of you who want to be less ableist/stigmatizing, here’s a list of things you can do to help autistic and ADHD people live more easily. If someone has a question or an autistic/adhd person has something to add, please feel free to do so in the notes/reblogs and I’ll most likely answer you or add it to the post!

1. Never, ever support Autism Speaks. Autism Speaks is an organization that has never been on the side of autistic people. There’s plenty of research on the wrongs they’ve committed, but off the top of my head:

- Supported the Judge Rotenberg Center, who are known for using shock therapy on autistic people.

- Supported and made their own version of ABA therapy, a form of therapy designed to stifle/“cure” autism. This therapy form is traumatizing, often forces autistic people not to stim, to word things in an uncomfortable way or do things that are physically painful to them.

- Tried to look for a ‘cure’ to autism, for the longest time didn’t have a single autistic person on staff, and had influential members who had said and done horrible things (what comes to mind first is the member who was shown on camera with their autistic child in earshot saying that they hated having an autistic child so much, they had more than once considered getting in the car with their autistic child and driving the both of them off a cliff, leaving their non autistic child alive)

2. When an autistic/adhd person says they’re autistic/adhd, it’s okay to ask questions. An autistic/adhd person won’t usually be offended by innocent questions designed to better understand us. With that said, if an autistic person tells you a statement or question is offensive, just take their word for it. Examples of typically offensive things to say as a person without the disorders include “you don’t look/act autistic,” “oh, like Einstein/The Good Doctor/Rain Man/Sheldon,” using autistic/adhd like a slur or adjective, or using autistic/adhd as an adjective for yourself or for derogatory purposes.

3. If you respect neurodivergent people, you respect their behaviors, too. If someone with autism/adhd tells you that something they do is because of their disorder, please don’t argue. And don’t make fun of behaviors like having ‘weird’ interests, stimming, laughing inappropriately, not knowing social things, etc.

4. Never use the R-slur. The R-slur refers to the word “r*tard”, and both this word and variations of it are extremely harmful. Don’t say it, don’t write it, don’t Morse code it or sign it. Don’t. Not even as an example.

5. Don’t victimize yourself for knowing an autistic or ADHD person. Just don’t. It’s a horrible and disheartening thing to see as an autistic/ADHD person.

6. Don’t use functioning labels. Functioning labels are most common for autism, and consist of words like ‘low functioning’ or ‘high functioning’. Terms like these are harmful and don’t give a full sense of what autistic people are like because it makes autism seem like a scale where you either can’t do anything and are incapable or you can do everything a neurotypical can and don’t deserve accommodations. Instead, view and explain it with the ice cream bar analogy, which says that autism is more like an ice cream bar with various symptoms as flavors and toppings that can be mixed in any way.. You don’t have a high functioning autistic child, you have a child who, using the ice cream bar analogy, doesn’t have social issues in their sundae, but DOES have educational barriers in their sundae, and they don’t struggle with loud noise but they do struggle with COMPLICATED noise. It’s more effort, yes, but it’s more kind to autistic people.

7. Don’t tell someone with autism or ADHD what their experiences are. Don’t tell them they’re using their disorder as a crutch. Don’t tell them they don’t experience a certain symptom when they say they do. Don’t tell them what they don’t need when they’ve told you what they do. Just listen, and accommodate as much as you can. You do not know them better than they do.

8. Autistic people often experience nonverbalism or selective muteness. This means sometimes they can’t talk, and it physically harms them to do so. Don’t force them to speak. Let them write down what they have to say, or put it into a text to speech, or do what they must.

9. People with ADHD often experience hyperactivity or an inability to focus. Don’t tell them to ‘just be still’, because often doing so can be painful. Don’t yell at them for not being able to focus, because the result will be them forcing themselves to focus and not actually hearing. Rather, if someone with ADHD can’t sit still, allow them to stand up and pace back and forth in the room, or step outside or go for a walk. If they can’t focus, ask them what you can do to help and DO YOUR BEST to do that.

10. People with autism and ADHD come in every shape, size, color, ethnicity, and personality. Don’t dwindle them down to a ‘type’. You’re harming them by doing that. There are POC, trans, female, male, non-binary, and lgbt autistic/adhd people, there are autistic/adhd people who can sit still, who can mask well, who don’t show specific symptoms, or who like things that aren’t autistic/adhd in nature and they’re all valid and deserve representation. Don’t act like they aren’t, don’t act like they don’t, and give them what they deserve whenever you can.

11. Not every symptom of autism and ADHD is well-known. ADHD people can experience impulse lying, horrible intrusive thoughts, and RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) that can take extreme forms. Autistic people can experience using extremely offensive language or dogwhistles without being aware that it’s offensive or bad, selective muteism that isn’t complete nonverbalism but still makes the autistic person incapable of speaking without harming themselves, and harmful stims like slamming their head against things or biting their skin. These are only a few examples of things people don’t seem to consider when meeting a person with autism or ADHD, but they’re easy to fix without being harsh, discriminatory, or ableist. If you ever don’t know how to address a symptom or behavior, ask an autistic/adhd person for help! You can find many of them in tags like #autism, #actuallyautistic, #actuallyadhd or #adhd.

12. Please don’t claim autistic/adhd culture, terminology, behaviors or otherwise things that are theirs for yourself. Don’t use #actuallyautistic or #actuallyadhd if YOU, YOURSELF are not autistic, even if you have an autistic family member. Don’t say you stim/have self-stimulatory behaviors. Don’t say you experience special interests or hyperfixations. Don’t say you’re ‘so autistic’ or ‘so adhd’ based on a stereotypical autistic/adhd thing you did. Don’t use fidget toys, stim toys, or chewing toys if you aren’t an autistic/adhd person who needs them, especially not in places like schools or workplaces where abusing necessary accommodations can lead to the people who need them being refused them. If you think something MIGHT be an autistic/adhd thing that you yourself shouldn’t use, do or say, ASK.

13. Self-diagnosis is valid. Autism and ADHD are severely undiagnosed because of the diagnostic requirement and bigotry in psychology. You can have autism and ADHD and not be diagnosed simply because you’re POC, or don’t ACT autistic/adhd enough, or looked for diagnosis late in life, or even just because you’re a girl. Don’t tell someone they aren’t actually autistic or ADHD if they are self-diagnosed because many people with these disorders CAN’T be diagnosed due to things outside of their control.

14. Don’t spread false or unchecked information about autism and ADHD. You can fact check things you read online or hear by mouth just by asking an autistic/ADHD person, and it’s best to do such before saying something that isn’t true.

15. Possibly most importantly, listen to autistic/adhd voices and support people with autism/adhd. Allow people with autism/adhd to have jobs. Reblog when autistic/adhd people speak out. Correct people who show ableist behaviors online and if they argue with you, tag or otherwise get ahold of autistic/adhd people who you know would be willing to help you. Block and report ableists who refuse to cooperate when their ableism is pointed out. Buy from autistic/adhd businesses. Don’t go blue for autism, use red instead. Follow tags like #actuallyautistic and #actuallyadhd in order to familiarize yourself with and validate their voices, but if they don’t want neurotypical or allistic people to reblog or comment, don’t. It’s not difficult to let our voices be heard, and you can do so without supporting corrupt organizations or using non-autistic people, non-adhd people or neurotypical ‘autism/adhd moms/dads’ to get information. Ask autistic/adhd people questions, check in with them, make sure they’re okay. Treat autistic and adhd voices like biblical word on the matter because they ARE.

[poormeowmeowcollector]

Trying To Balance With A Part Of Yourself Missing

Summary: Thor bargains with Odin on Loki's sentence, and he wins. Loki is moved with the Avengers to fix his past mistakes. But Odin's term changes everything, and Loki's foe is not their mistakes, but their self-image.

Warnings: each chapter has individual, the work in general is pretty dark

Notes: When a dialogue of Loki is in bold, he is speaking English. And when a line is in italics without a dialogue, it's an intrusive thought.

Chapter 5: The Doctor

Chapter summary: Banner takes Loki for the tests.

Warnings: Language, gender dysphoria, gender dysmorphia, internalized racism, intrusive thoughts, needles, blood, medical themes, mentions of child neglect [not on screen], mentions of self harm [not on screen]

First | Previous | AO3 | Next

This time, Friday wakes them up, reminding them of the appointment with Banner. Loki groans and drags himself out of the bed and into the bathroom, it's better to get rid of that smell, at least for as long as it can hold.

At least Loki doesn't have to look at their body as they wash themselves, an advantage of blindness they didn't think of until now. Still, being forced to touch all the time is unpleasant and uncomfortable to no end. And trying to wash his hair without scratching his hands on the horns or his claws scratching his scalp is a task unimaginably difficult.

Loki now understands why Jötnar run around naked, wearing a shirt with these horns is almost impossible. But, they must hide the chest plate, at least from everyone but Thor. And Banner, after the examination. And, shit, he probably has to take breakfast with them…

They sigh and glance at the mirror, only to make sure they don't look so much for a mess. His appearance is acceptable, so he takes the now charged earpiece and walks away, wearing it as Friday starts instructing.

A hand touches their shoulder, making them flinch away. Thor, the owner of the hand, mutters something, probably an apology, but he can't hear it thanks to Friday. They take a breath out and smile at Thor, muttering a good morning. Thankfully, Friday stops talking.

"How are you feeling? You look…" Thor trails off, trying to appear as polite as possible.

"F-f-feverish? It's fi-fine, just-just a b-bad day," he brushes off, suddenly glad that he doesn't need Friday's translations.

"But, you're ill," Thor argues, making Loki sigh.

"I'm not-not, it's a bad d-day," they answer.

"Loki, you can't fool me. You're unwell, why don't you admit it?" he groans. Truth be told, Loki rarely admits any weakness with ease. As long as one can walk, there's no need for whining, Odin had said countless times and Loki never stopped obeying.

"I d-d-do. It's a b-bad da-day," he speaks slowly and as clearly as possible.

"Loki, you're having a fever. It's not just a bad day, and you are allowed to admit that you're ill. Please," Thor begs, actually begs. If Loki wasn't so pissed off, they'd be touched.

He pulls Thor closer, mostly to maintain some secrecy. "I am on m-m-my pe-pe-period," they hiss, watching as Thor's last brain cell comes to life.

"Oh… well, this explains the irritability of yours, brother. You know your patience always runs low these days," Thor nods, all matter-of-factly. Loki has to take deep breaths and remind themselves again and again that murder is a convicted crime, and they should not get locked up in a Midgardian prison. Or any prison, anytime soon.

Luckily, Thor remains silent after that. The only one who breaks the silence is Friday, reminding Loki that he can't eat before a blood test, or the results will not be accurate. Fine, they didn't really feel hungry anyway.

Perhaps, if you skip today's food entirely, you'll lose that disgusting bloating of yours. He tries hard to not grimace at the thought. No, they have to remind themselves, it will leave after a few days, it always does. Just do the damn tests and then eat, it's not that hard.

When they reach the kitchen, Loki can feel eyes on him and a mix of confusion and irritation in the air. Alright, just stay quiet and it will pass.

Wanda mutters a good morning, her magic swirling around her like some form of shield or blanket. Loki repeats the wish, forcing a smile. They don’t know which is worse, the jealousy building up or the guilt over the last time they listened to that feeling.

Thor helps him find a chair in the bright chaos, and even pulls it. For fucks sake, they're not unable to sit on a fucking chair! He tries to prove it by being the one who adjusts it on the table.

"Morning, dude. How're you feeling?" a man asks, Wilson. Just by his voice, he sounds kind, less judgemental.

"Fine, thank you for asking," they answer, plastering another fake smile (one of the best skills being a prince has given them).

Still, Wanda is seeing through it and attempts to find out, by using a simple mind invading spell. One that makes the base of Loki's skull feel ablaze. As loud as he can, he thinks of the word stop, making Wanda pause and retreat, her curiosity replaced with shame.

Then, a conversation occurs. Loki doesn't want to take part, but the combination of the voices and Friday's translations is overwhelming, making his head pound. Friday catches the message and stops translating, but the voices are still too fucking loud. Loki sighs and decides to just take a sip of water, and see if it'll help, but it turns to ice before it touches their lips. But fuck, he's thirsty and in pain.

A hand touches their shoulder, and they jump up, turning around to see a short person dressed in purple. "Are you ready for the tests?" He asks, Banner. Loki nods and gets up, pardoning himself before walking away.

"Are you okay?" he asks, making Loki groan.

"Wh-wh-wh-why does e-e-everyone ask me-me if I'm okay? I'm f-f-fine!" they snap, stopping only after feeling Banner freeze.

"I asked because you looked like you were about to start crying over there. No offence, they can be loud sometimes, but you didn't seem like you were taking it well," he answers, half expecting his skull to be crushed. But Loki is just ashamed he didn't hide the pain better.

"N-n-n-none t-taken. Noise is not exactly we-we-we-welcome, and I used to to-to-tone it down w-w-with spells. Now, I c-c-c-can't," they explain, just beginning to collect themselves.

"You know, you can ask Friday to deafen, if you use the earpieces. It helps," he suggests. Loki nods, happy with the silence that they fall into. At least Banner doesn't feel like he has to talk all the time, even though he's nervous. He's still afraid of him, even though it's not necessary any more.

The lab is a fucking bright room, Loki has to cover their eyes and let Banner navigate them, after lowering the lights.

During the examination, Loki comes to realize that Asgard and Midgard are opposite when it comes to healing. First, Banner promises secrecy, any information stays private until Loki asks for a leak, or in a life or death situation. And then, he just asks about everything and listens to the answer. No doubt, no comments and no painful examinations with leeches or smelly potions that make people’s skin pink. Well, the examination on light sensitivity was painful, and Loki swears to piss on the grave of whoever thought a flashlight in the eyes is a good idea, but the rest were fine.

When he was young, Odin would not easily believe Loki, no matter what. The times when they were forced in hunts that were leaving them in the healing wing for weeks or feasts until they faint on their plate due to fever are uncountable. The show would usually begin with Loki faking the illness because he’s lazy, come to its climax when Loki would be deemed delicate and weak while being tossed in the healing wing and the parade of hypocrisy would end after Loki returns to his chamber only to be forgotten there. Loki learned two lessons from this. One, if they can stand up, they're not ill, and they shouldn't bother other people with whining. And two, if he's truly ill, it's wiser to deal with it on his own than let others draw conclusions.

The change feels so odd, yet it’s so welcome.

Until the time for the blood test.

"Just follow my instructions, I'll make it as painless as I can," he promises, and then instructs Loki to lift their sleeve and show the armpit, the non-dominant one. Loki doesn't show his nervousness, and tries to appear as cold as possible when he reveals the hand, and everything he's done to it. Banner doesn't comment and doesn't show pity, but his skin grows just green enough for Loki's eyes to notice.

The other instructions were easy. Clench the fist, breathe in, breathe out and relax the hand. Banner is surprised to say the least when he sees the tube filling with blue liquid instead of red, but doesn't comment.

Do you think he could bleed you dry and be done with this shit show? Loki hitches a breath and clinches their stomach, stopping when the sound of something breaking and a hot pain blooms in their arm. Did he freeze the tube and break the needle?

Banner fetches something from a table and grabs Loki's hand, muttering something about getting the needle out. Loki hisses from the pain, and manages to freeze Banner's glove, but he still covers their hand with gauzes. The white starts turning blue and freezing in some parts, Banner is about to do something about it but Loki hums a no.

"Do you want to try again?" he asks, Loki could feel how he was expecting a negative answer. But he nods a yes and covers his right hand, so he’ll uncover the left one and clench. This time, they don't dare looking at the needle and mentally play some random songs for a distraction. Banner tells him to clench again, and then gives him some cotton to press in the hole before he vanishes behind some machine.

"What were you humming?" Banner asks, making Loki's face go ablaze.

"I… em… a song," they mutter, and mentally berate themselves for the lack of words. Banner laughs, but not out of malice. And he hands over a paper box and a bag. Loki stares at him and tilts his head, but Banner tries to brush it off as "something that's always done when someone gets a blood test". As if Loki is also a fool, apart from blind.

They're about to get dismissed and leave when Friday tell them via the earpiece that Banner will ask questions when he sees the test results. Loki sighs, it's better to be the one who tells him, right?

"Ba-banner, about th-th-the te-te-te-test, y-you may so-see some… abnormalities in th-th-the tests. It's n-normal, yet-yet-yet uncomfortable," they trail off, feeling confusion on Banner's side instead of clarity.

"Would you mind being more specific? I need to know what to ignore,"

"Hormonal, m-mostly… on, em…" he groans in frustration, feeling like an absolute fool, "on me-me-menstruation hormones… and y-y-yes, I kn-know wh-what it implies. B-but, d-don't tell anyone, only Th-th-th-thor knows," they get it out, waiting for a myriad of feeling emit from Banner. But he just makes a small oh sound and hands over another paper package.

"I guess you'll find them easier than tampons. If you finish them, just come to me. Don't try to steal Nat's, you'll be disappointed, and possibly earn a chinned tooth," he smiles, but Loki can sense the warmth from saying Romanov's name. Love, he concludes, what a complication when towards your co-worker, from what he's heard.

"W-w-w-we're done?" they raise an eyebrow and look down at Banner, glad he doesn't look afraid. Interesting, just enough inspection, and he isn't afraid any more. What a gullible scientist.

"Friday will find anything we missed, and she can help Tony make you some glasses, if you decide you want them, or inspect the brain damage from the other guy," he answers. Loki nods and is about to turn around, before thinking twice about the answer he got.

"W-w-wait, wh-wh-wh-what brain d-damage?" they blink. Apart from the nightmares, thoughts, flashbacks, headaches and general fuckery, his brain works perfectly. Well, perfectly might be an exaggeration, but the Hulk hasn’t done anything.

"You're telling me you walked around with a dead ear since the Attack and didn't notice?" Banner is now the one to raise an eyebrow.

"I w-w-was in so-so-solitary c-c-confinement until y-y-yesterday. Not much to h-h-h-hear," they explain. But… he should have heard Thor coming today in the corridor…

"Yeah, your left ear is dead, or the nerves getting messages from there to your brain. You can thank the other guy, and there's nothing to be done," he isn't exactly mild on announcing another damage on this throughout fucked up body, but it doesn't exactly matter. So, they just nod and go back to hiding under their sheets, but this time they make Friday play some music, just to cover up the silence.

~~~~~~

Taglist: @lucywrites02 @electroma89 @the-emo-asgardian @rorybutnotgilmore @hybrid-in-progress @weirdfangirl2416 @darkacademicfrom2021 @nicoistrying

[thatsamericano]

Some headcanons I have in relation to Romano’s sex life as a trans man before he recognized he was trans. Very uncomfortable stuff about gender dysphoria under the cut with some AFAB language about body parts and one instance of a female pronoun because that’s how Romano would have thought of this stuff at the time. Disclaimer that I’m cis and not trying to represent the experiences of all trans guys, only this fictional character I can imagine as a trans guy:

For the purposes of this post, Romano didn’t know he was trans or that he wasn’t a woman by the time he reached adulthood because the time period he was living in had very little recognition of trans identities. He thought of himself as a woman because he didn’t have the necessary language to think “actually, I’m assigned female at birth but I’m not a woman.” He thought of himself as a strange, inadequate woman with a weird, very uncomfortable relationship to her body.

He’s bisexual, and he was always into men and women. If he experienced shame around who he was attracted to, it was the women, not the men, because he and other people thought he was a woman and society said that was wrong. And, for reasons I’ll get into below, he might have thought he was a lesbian because his early sexual experiences with men were more uncomfortable than the ones he had with women. Once he figured out he was trans and was with a guy who respected that and respected that he didn’t want to do certain things just because he had AFAB anatomy, he realized his attraction to men was much stronger than he’d previously thought it was. He liked being with guys, but only if it was understood that he is a guy, not a woman.

He was dysphoric about his chest, but didn’t recognize it as dysphoria. He wasn’t particularly sensitive there, so he was basically like “Why the fuck are you paying so much attention to my breasts? This is annoying and uncomfortable, please move the fuck on.”

He often didn’t like getting turned on, because getting turned on meant getting wet, and that made him feel icky and gross (but I don’t think he had an issue with his cis female partners getting wet). If he was able to imagine himself with a dick that got hard (which might have happened, but not at first), he felt a lot better.

He hated vaginal penetration of any kind, especially PIV. His vagina physically functioned just fine, penetration wasn’t unusually painful, and he might have occasionally been able to achieve physical orgasm from that. But it just made him feel horrible, because it was reminding him of this bodily cavity he didn’t want to have. He might have thought he just hated being with men or hated the way someone putting their dick in him made him feel like the more submissive partner, but it was specific vaginal dysphoria he didn’t recognize. This could sometimes happen with women too. If they slipped their finger or tongue inside him, Romano would instantly enjoy the experience a lot less.

If partners were going to focus on him, he’d really prefer that they just focus on his clitoris, and not in a slow, gentle way like he was some soft woman with delicate lady parts (Romano wasn’t sexist like this, but some of his male partners would have been. And his female partners might have initially started off more soft and gentle on him based on their own preferences for how they prefer to be touched.) He liked getting rubbed or sucked so hard and rough that his partners would worry about possibly hurting him (especially the male ones) because he was getting treated like he was strong instead of fragile. And sometimes if he was receiving oral or they were rubbing his clit, Romano would close his eyes and imagine he was getting a blowjob or a handjob.

Because of period-typical sexism, cis male partners were much more likely to treat Romano as a soft, delicate woman both in and out of the bedroom. His cis female partners were more likely to listen to him about what he actually liked when it came to sex and to treat him as an equal in their relationship. Even when he was with a nice guy who wasn’t sexist and didn’t treat Romano like the weaker partner, Romano could often feel crappy because he’d be subconsciously comparing himself and his body to his partner’s. His jealousy would manifest as annoyance, and he thought maybe he just hated being with guys or didn’t like his partner as a person (which wouldn’t make sense, because they were nice to him and hadn’t done anything wrong). Once he recognizes that he’s trans, he still has some jealousy and compares himself to his male partners, but he’s able to understand that it’s gender dysphoria and not a relationship issue or not liking men. 

A lot of times he’d prefer to focus on his partner and do stuff to them rather than the other way around. He might have been disappointed if he didn’t get off, but at least nothing uncomfortable was being done to him.

Being the bottom during anal sex for the first time was a revelation for him. He generally prefers to top, but this is not an exclusive preference like he had assumed it was prior to that experience. Romano was surprised to learn he could enjoy being penetrated regardless of the gender of his partner, but likes getting fucked in the ass and not the vagina.

His absolute favorite thing to do was fuck his partner (regardless of gender) with a dildo, especially if he was wearing it like a strap-on. It was very affirming for him to fuck someone with a phallus he thought of as an extension of his own body and not just a fun toy and to see and hear them really enjoying being fucked by what he thought of as his dick. Sometimes he liked this so much that he climaxed from it, even if the only physical stimulation he got was the strap-on rubbing up against his clit.

[iamatt122]

Dear Straight White Men

This week has been a rough one in the gaming community. #TwitchDoBetter is the latest iteration of a problem that has plagued gaming and nerd spaces for as long as I have been a part of them. It is part of the reason I backed away from things I have loved my whole life and watched from the sidelines for nearly two decades. I was there playing some games, occasionally joining small groups, and usually leaving because of the way marginalized people are treated. Only recently have I found friends and allies in these spaces that have reignited my passions and given me hope that I can be a part of something that resembles my idea of community.

I am no one important. But I am in possession of something that I have had to learn how to use properly and am still mastering. I have an abundance of privilege granted to me by a society that still values certain traits more than others. There are a lot of us out there with these superpowers. I have some superpowers that were unwittingly given to me by a society that doesn’t understand me. Those superpowers come with a lot of dysphoria and confusion though.

I am a queer white neurodiverse AMAB nonbinary gamer. I usually don’t include my birth assignment or my race in my intro or bio. However, it is very important to the conversation I want to have. I come off as a straight white male. It is a mask (masc) I wore for many years. That mask has given me a pass (passing). I am allowed to speak in spaces many queer nonbinary people can’t. Yet the only part of that identity that is mine is my white European heritage. I have the privilege of being a chameleon. Even my neurodiversity has given me an excuse for why I say or do “weird” stuff that a “normal” straight white guy wouldn’t. This is where you come in.

If you have any of these superpowers you may be using them improperly. I know I have been guilty of this. I used them to cover my own ass plenty of times. Then I realized if this works so well for me, why can’t I use it to help others? I have always protected people. I was and am the big, tattooed guy who will take care of anyone fucking with my friends. I used the toxic cultural norms that have been applied to me to let others live their truth.

So, I am asking those of you with these innate abilities to do the same. Make space for marginalized people, by force if necessary. The effort it takes for a straight white male to ruin a bigots day is minimal. They have so much invested in their ideal person that any resistance from those same ideals is more powerful than anything. Our friends and family are being attacked. So, I am asking that you weaponize your privilege against itself. Fight fire with fire. Take the privilege that society has given you whether it is part of your actual identity or not and take power from others with that privilege that are abusing it. Now I understand this is a hard ask. I also know that this may reach a grand total of zero people. I’m gonna shoot my shot anyway.

I also understand the danger in this. Sometimes using that privilege may out you in some other way. I don’t want anyone to needlessly endanger your well-being. There are less aggressive ways to help marginalized people. In the case of the current Twitch problem It might look like volunteering to mod for marginalized LGBTQ+ and BIPOC gamers to help them feel safe in these spaces that are for them to express themselves. Community is where we get our social needs met and where we lift each other up. Sometimes it is also healing, fighting for, and fortifying one another through sacrifice. I don’t need these super powers. I don’t think they make me better than others. I honestly think they are a very corrupting influence on a lot of people. But, using them in a manner that disarms others is the best way I can think to use them. This conversation is way more nuanced and has literally had volumes of books written about it. But, I wanted to do my part in some small way. So, let’s all do better so we can be better.

[normal-thoughts-official]

This might be a weird question to ask idk but I was wondering why u write ur trans magnus without any surgery/body alterations? I guess the reason I’m asking is cause I’m wondering how to portray trans people in my writing and most people I’ve read from prefer to have their trans characters post op. I’d love to hear ur thoughts.

not a weird question! happy to help and it's always good to get trans perspectives

well there are two main reasons why i write trans magnus without any surgery or body alterations, plus one irrelevant-to-anyone-but-me one, which is projection. i don't have any body alterations and i don't want most of them so i like to write trans characters who are like me

the reasons that actually matter to other people that aren't me are:

it makes more sense for the character imo. magnus was born in 16th century java, then raised by a demon. that means he spent his formative years immersed in cultures that had nothing to do with the modern western gender binary. like you think demons even have gender? please. and while the fact that his stepfather was dutch certainly meant magnus' home wasn't as open as it could have been, being raised in java, especially the ports of jakarta, meant that he had contact with thousands of other cultures which didn't have a gender binary or the same gender divisions. so why would he develop dysphoria (which is nothing more than the internalization of the western gender/sex binary making a person hate themself because their body isn't in accordance to it)? and like, sure, ever since he's lived immersed in modern western culture, but at that point he had already solidified his idea of gender, so it's harder for it to be internalized. plus, he had access to queer subcultures (which have always existed for as long as queerphobia has existed) AND considering he has magic and can use glamors and the like, he has ways of protecting himself from the transphobic/cissexist/binarist gaze without needing to actually alter his body. so i don't see a reason why he'd want or need surgeries

political reasons. like, listen, i'm not gonna judge other trans ppl for writing trans characters post-op, especially if they are projecting their own wants/needs/daily life on them. however, i think it's important to portray trans bodies that aren't modified to be as close to cissexist ideals as possible. and again! i'm not saying that surgeries are bad or wanting them is bad. the internalization of the gender binary and subsequent dysphoria isn't on any trans person, it's a result of the violence we face by cis ppl. but when we are talking about representation in fiction, we are talking about one of the things in our culture that shape the very way we define normal. which means that representing trans bodies that aren't modified matters, because it means telling people that there's more than one way to be of a certain gender or look like a certain gender. when authors, particularly cis authors, keep portraying trans characters exclusively like people who feel the need to look as cis as they can, they imply that that's what every trans person should strive for. which implies that trans bodies aren't okay left alone, and trans people shouldn't be comfortable with their own bodies. which is, you know, exactly the kind of thing that makes trans people hate themselves, experience dysphoria, and more. one more time just in case it wasn't clear! it's not bad for a real life trans person to want surgery when that is something that we are taught is necessary for us to be who we are, MUCH LESS when passing can sometimes be the difference between surviving (getting a job, making a living, avoiding street violence) and dying. and it's also not bad to portray these struggles. what IS bad, imo, is normalizing, in the sense of making it the norm, trans people who want to be opped and marginalizing trans people who don't or can't. because by doing that, we only feed the harmful, transphobic, cissexist ideas that lead to all this violence and internalized violence and suffering therefore, i make it a point to have trans characters with all kinds of personal relationships with their bodies, and i absolutely make it a point to have trans character who don't have and don't want surgeries or body modifications and that are happy and confident in their gender expression and loved and respected for it. because while representation in fiction alone won't change transphobia, perpetuating cissexism in it definitely gets in the way of changing it. and i definitely encourage other authors, particularly cis authors, to do the same and not write only trans characters that do their best to look cis

so yeah! if you're asking me, i say it would be a great idea to portray a non-op-ed trans character. some trans ppl might be uncomfortable reading it, especially in smut, which i fully understand and don't judge them for, but i still think that it's the kind of representation that, if normalized (in the sense of making it seem normal and not an exception), can really help trans people in the long run. and nothing says it has to be one OR the other, anyway. you can have more than one trans character and have them have different relationships with their bodies. it's what i do, altho i do tend to have non-op-ed trans characters more often than not, cuz well. we get plenty of the other way around. plus, it's more realistic most of the time, cuz surgeries are crazy expensive and inaccessible, so only a very small minority of trans ppl can actually get them anyway

i hope this made sense to you? i tend to go too deep into Gender Babble™ when asked about stuff like that so if you have any questions or trouble following what i say just ask me and i can try to make myself clearer daiojdsaoidjasoj. id like to hear ur thoughts on my answer regardless, so, yeah

✨truscums don't even fucking look at this post or my fucking blog. your ideology is colonialist, cissexist nonsense and directly harms other trans people, especially native ppls. go fuck yourself✨

[huntcomplex]

* GHOSTFACE MINI HEADCANONS.

do not reblog.  do not steal.

danny’s birth name is danny.  legally, he’s never been called daniel  -  danny is also the name that can be found on his license.  it was his mother’s choice to call him this.  nicknames, regardless of alias, are heavily discouraged because they are a form of affection / familiarity and danny is very strict when it comes to people attempting to get close.  you call him by the name he gives you.  nothing more, nothing less.

danny was given a middle name but he doesn’t use it due to its connection with his father.  he’s also legally had it removed. 

danny has many differences to the ghostface persona.  for example, danny tends to speak with more of a drawl and his tone typically stays rich / deep, whereas ghostface ranges from deeper tones to softer, more average tones  -  sometimes holding an element of femininity to it.  ghostface also speaks with much more expression and emotion than danny.   over the years, danny’s become more expressive as his aliases, due to extensive exposure to the persona.

the complexity of ghostface’s sentence structure is very specific and adapted with a purpose.   due to his interactions with victims, who are mostly scared, nervous / anxious or panicked, his sentences are structured a certain way to ensure he’s easy to understand.  otherwise, it’s unlikely the victim is going to be listening to what he’s saying / keeping their attention on him.   clearly communicating with someone who’s afraid means he’s able to get inside their head without them being able to defend themselves or even be aware of it.  easy on the ears and brain.

danny is extremely intelligent / knowledgeable having exposed himself to books and articles as well as writing on a daily basis / having interesting discussions, meaning the complexity of his vocabulary is potentially distinguishable between aliases and perhaps one of the only traits he could be caught out on because no matter how good of an actor danny is, he refuses to dumb himself down or make himself look powerless / vulnerable in any way.  he also enjoys using complex vocabulary for mental stimulation.

danny doesn’t fear death, but is physically disgusted and abhorred by the idea of someone less important than him taking his life.

ghostface and danny / his aliases will always make those conversing with him feel like they’re in control by asking questions like  “ is that everything ? ” if they say yes and he feels it’s not over, he’ll prompt them.  if they say no, it’s likely he knows it’s not and asked to ensure they keep going.  during any conversation with danny, whether it be over the phone or in person, he will have total control over it regardless of the circumstance, and if he doesn’t he’ll be swift to take it.

danny / ghostface has next to no interest in other people writing about him unless that specific read / article will benefit him in one way or another.  hence why he writes about himself, because no one will cover ghostface better than him.  he has no interest in there being books or movies about him because he won’t be the one portraying himself, in which case, it’ll be incorrect.  this is also why he acts on copycats.  no one takes credit for his work and only he is allowed to benefit from it.

danny experiences severe dysphoria due to his narcissistic delusions.  his views of himself are extremely unbalanced, being either massively grandiose or doubting / loathing.  ghostface balances this and even supports the positive view rather than the negative, hence danny’s romantic attraction to the ghostface persona.

danny doesn’t actively acknowledge his birthday / age ( unless absolutely necessary ) which is why he’ll often behave childishly at times.  he also has a different birthday and age for every alias, meaning he tends to lose track of his own.  aging is an ordinary and human thing, which danny struggles to relate to and frankly refuses to abide by because he’s terrified of being seen as ordinary.  aging means one day he won’t be able to do what he currently does / his skills will gradually fade.  

danny cannot be trusted around animals.  he will also use your own pet to manipulate you.  that being said, he likes that animals are easily controlled and is capable of enjoying a pet’s company up until it disobeys him / misbehaves.

ghostface / danny is extremely controlling, not in a territorial way or protective over others way, but because it’s what he’s experienced his entire life.  he expects to have control over everything.  it’s all on his own terms, however.  he will control you and everything you do because he wants something from you.  especially when utilizing his alias, he’ll get close to people for information.  for example, if he becomes obsessed with you / interested in you.  but if that then is turned vice versa and you are the one getting close to him and it’s not on his terms anymore he’ll kill or discard you.  anything is capable of happening, but it will always be on his terms one hundred percent.

[myragewillendworlds]

Hey. Do you have advice how to deal with trans-guilt? (maybe I'm just alone on this) but I feel guilty for wanting to transition. That all this is necessary just so I can live normal. I'm normally venting to my therapist, but wanted to ask you since you seem knowledgeable on all kinds of trans-related stuff. Ironically, I'm already 2 years on T and incredibly content with where things are going and my dysphoria got less, but knowing that "I was to weak to not endure it"-do you know this feeling?

I don't think that's an issue that stems directly from being transgender, but from not valuing yourself enough. Low self-worth makes us feel guilty for asking for things, even for necessities, and has us believing it makes us a burden on others.

I was raised on a "feelings are weak, don't ever show weakness" mindset, so I do recognize that feeling. Rational thought can help neutralize those feelings. If you understand that this problem is medical, and biological in nature, not something you can directly control by "enduring" it, you can understand how futile that thought is. Working on self-acceptance will help as well. Sometimes we are weak and that is perfectly human. Many of us, including many men, need medical help to deal with a problem out of our control. Obviously, improving self-confidence is the biggest game changer. Learning to value yourself more makes taking up space and resources feel more natural, so you’re less likely to criticize yourself for doing so. Lastly, depending on your background, there may have been someone directly responsible for putting those thoughts about weakness in your head. I find it helpful to visualize those negative messages being said to me by that person, because my absolute rage and desire to break away from them makes it easier to dismiss their words, then if I were to fight with myself in my own head.

People can and do improve in diminishing feelings of guilt, but it takes time, and that takes patience. Hope these things were a little bit helpful.

[mouseblob]

Jubilee- Do All Transgender People Think The Same?

I was recently watching some videos in my youtube recommended and this video kept pulling up. I thought it would be a fun idea to give my answer on the questions they had set up for the individuals they selected for the video.

#1 children are capable of understanding their gender identity

My answer- I agree, I believe there are plenty of children that understand their gender identity. The thing they could struggle with at that young of an age is how to put their thoughts and feelings to words and if they manage to that, finding a support system that will listen and understand. As a young child, I’d say ages 1-7, I thought I was a cisgender male. Even though people around me would reference me as a girl, use she/her, I’d wear skirts and play with “ girl” toys, the connection never made through to my brain. I don’t remember what exactly brought me to reality and would eventually lead to a road of insecurity and dysphoria, but I truly wish i could’ve lived in that mindset until I was in my teens and had information that could’ve helped me realize my true self.

#2 gender roles are necessary

My answer- I slightly agree. I believe gender roles should be less harsh and seem less important to society. The reason why I think gender roles are necessary, is because these gender roles can be the cause of realization for many transgender people.

#3 gender reassignment surgery is necessary to be transgender

My answer- the only thing I believe is necessary to be transgender is dysphoria. I wouldn’t understand if someone could transition but didn’t ( even with dysphoria) but at that point still I wouldn’t judge them.

#4 dating is difficult for me

My answer- I believe being transgender can add another layer of difficulty to dating but personally I haven’t had that many issues. I’ve only had 3 serious relationships, counting the one I am in right now. The first one was unaccepting, the second took some time but came and finally the third one ( my current boyfriend) he is also transgender but I have no doubt he would be supportive no matter what. My first relationship and being accepted was definitely hard and made me insecure but I do recognize for the rest of my relationships I’ve been lucky.

#5 there are risks to being transgender

My answer- I agree, there is danger that comes to any person of the lgbtq community. Especially people of color members

#6 I love my body

My answer- my dysphoria can get pretty bad but my confidence has come a long way. Obviously I still can’t for the changes of testosterone and to get top surgery one day, but I try to stay positive about myself and focus on the things I like about my body.

#7 sometimes I wish I wasn’t transgender

My answer- I do kinda agree. I believe part of myself was made from my experiences being transgender in a good and bad way but it would make things easier to be cisgender. Unfortunately, it’s not my choice since I have dysphoria but I make it through each day and I will continue to push through.

That was all the questions mentioned in the video. I might do another one of these on their video “ do all guys think alike” but I’ll see how you guys enjoy this first.

Thank you for reading,

Cyrus

[johannesviii]

Top 15 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2002

13 to 14 years old. Most of the year was pretty good. Summer was great. But in September I arrived in 2nd (local equivalent of 10th grade), so I was 14 in a class of mostly 15/16 years old students, and I looked so out of place that inevitably, bad shit started to happen very quickly.

Thankfully, it was a damn good year for hits. They say music never sounds better than when you are a teenager, as if that was a bad thing - but maybe they’re right? So yeah, nostalgia is in full force there. This year was so good for music, in fact, that this is a top 15 instead of 10. It was already super difficult to keep only 10 songs before I even looked at the French year-end list, and then I just gave up.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

This list originally had SIX horribly painful cuts so I decided to do some damage control and make it a top 15. There’s still a whole bunch of honorable mentions, though.

Heaven remix (DJ Sammy) - [Insert here rant about Johannes liking overproduced dance garbage full of colors and lights]

Move b█tch (Ludacris) - Just a ton of fun to sing along that chorus.

Whenever Wherever (Shakira) - I claim overplay, but that is still legendary.

How You Remind Me (Nickelback) - Nobody’s gonna disagree if I say they’re a terrible band, but you gotta admit, their first hit was pretty great.

The Middle (Jimmy Eat World) - In a year full of fantastic earworms, some had to stay out of the list.

Can’t Fight the Moonlight (LeAnn Rimes) - Just re-read the previous statement.

Get the Party Started (Pink) - More on that later.

Inch’Allah (MC Solaar) - Not his best song by a mile (obviously; I mean, the guy who wrote a song about making Satan explode into antimatter can’t really top that because nobody can) but still very nice.

Cleanin’ Out My Closet (Eminem) - Yeah, the rethread of The Real Slim Shady is on the list and not this. What can I say, I told you I had bad taste.

Just Like a Pill (Pink) - The last cut from the list. I just really, really liked Pink, can you tell?

This is when I started to listen to the radio A LOT in my room, because my access to the family computer was restricted and radio was basically the only media I still had 100% access to and full control of. Which might explain why I suddenly liked a ton of pop music. Or maybe that year was simply really good. I guess it’s a mix of both.

Also, I still didn’t have a key to the appartment, but I was a lot less supervised when I was outside, and I would sometimes sneak out to go the library or to the disc store.

So... here’s some of the first singles I ever bought, for the record, and also because I think it’s fun to see all of them together.

They’re all on this list, just to clarify.

15 - I’m Gonna Getcha Good (Shania Twain)

US: Not on the list / FR: #67

Well, that was quick. So yeah, I loved this song. The accent meant I couldn’t understand half of the lyrics, but it was still a ton of fun and a delight every time it was on the radio.

14 - Wherever You Will Go (The Calling)

US: #5 / FR: #53

I didn’t love this song that much at the time and only put it on one tape, but it really grew on my over the years. Yeah, it’s your standard 2000s pop-rock song, objectively, but I don’t know. It didn’t have to go that hard with its metaphors. I mean the guy is ready to follow that person into hell and turn back time if necessary. I really don’t know. It shouldn’t work so well but it does for me. Maybe it’s because I’m very literal-minded.

13 - Le Chemin (Kyo ft. Sita)

US: Not on the list / FR: #55

Basically: A Ma Place by Axel Bauer & Zazie from the previous honorable mentions of 2001, except with half the amount of Hetero Drama(tm) and a pop-rock flavour to make it more palatable.

The first hit of a band it would very quickly be super cool to hate in my country (and I do mean very quickly, like a year or so) because everyone (including me, mind you) thought their lyrics were a bit too cringy even for pop-rock songs.

Doesn’t mean I didn’t buy the album and listened the shit out of it for like two years, though. The saddest part is that my favorite single from it by far, Je Cours (”I Run”), isn’t elligible for any list. Dammit.

12 - Murder On The Dancefloor (Sophie Ellis-Bextor)

US: Not on the list / FR: #26

This was a huge hit in Europe and somehow I thought it had reached the US, but apparently it didn’t. That’s a shame.

Also, overplay didn’t manage to kill it for me and that’s impressive.

11 - Complicated (Avril Lavigne)

US: #11 / FR: #83

Loved it, bought the single, loved it even more, and then one of my uncles sent me the album for christmas, and all was nice and good in the world.

For the record, I thought Sk8er Boi was one of the worst songs on the album (my favorite was My World), and I still dislike this particular song to this day, so this is why it’s nowhere to be found here.

10 - Don’t Let Me Get Me (Pink)

US: #36 / FR: Not on the list

You already know that because of the honorable mentions, but yeah, I loved Pink. This was the second album I decided I had to save money for months to acquire instead of just a single and which my parents would probably find acceptable. And this song is the best and it kicks some serious ass, on top of being full of self-loathing and extremely relatable at the time ("everyday I fight a war against the mirror, can't take the person staring back at me"? "I wanna be somebody else"?? Big, big dysphoria mood right there).

No regrets, baby.

9 - Hands Clean (Alanis Morissette)

US: #95 / FR: Not on the list

In just about every list I’ve made so far, there’s one song which makes me think “if I had better taste, this would be much higher”. This is one of these songs. Still love it, still put it on a tape and burned it on a cd. I found the cd in question again yesterday while making this list and it contains, in that exact order: Visage, Evanescence, Kyo, Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark, Talk Talk, Scatman John, Sophie Ellis-Bextor, Shania Twain, INXS, Freur, Alizée, Linkin Park and this exact song by Alanis Morissette. It’s a great little time-capsule of my debatable tastes.

8 - Die Another Day (Madonna)

US: Not on the list / FR: #86

This has the same kind of weird, disjointed beat as Music, but it sounds much more aggressive and sinister. This dropped right when I started to have real problems at school, so it’s a bit difficult for me to listen to it nowadays without having unpleasant flashbacks at the same time, which is why it’s so low on the list even though I listened to it on a loop back in the day. It might be a subpar James Bond theme, and might have dumb lyrics (god the Sigmund Freud line sdfghjhgfdfg), but on its own? It’s great.

Also I loved the music video. My mother, obviously, hated it, which only made me like it more, because, I mean, obviously it did. That’s how it works when you’re 14.

Speaking of which.

7 - Without Me (Eminem)

US: #21 / FR: #11

By that point, it was becoming pretty clear that I would never be able to buy the music I wanted if my parents disapproved of it, so I had to be sneaky and buy every, uh “debatable” single with a second more acceptable single to hide the first one. The one I bought alongside this one was a cover of Désenchantée, sung by Kate Ryan.

Success.

It is, in fact, less good than The Real Slim Shady, and I could only understand about one third of the lyrics, but still. I listened to it a loooooot. Because I actually had that single and not the other one which it was basically referencing to the point of self-parody. And just like the other one, I obviously don’t endorse all the lyrics, and the beat is great.

6 - All the Things She Said (Tatu)

US: Not on the list / FR: #12

Just like Die Another Day this one is a bit difficult to listen to nowadays for me but it’s a monster of a hit nonetheless. Have to say, though: I listened to Not Gonna Get Us even more, which means THAT one is even more linked to bad memories, to the point of basically being unlistenable because it triggers a literal fight-or-flight response with me. Not kidding in the slightest. Still love it though.

5 - J’ai Demandé à la Lune (Indochine)

US: Not on the list / FR: #4

This is one of my least favorite hit songs from Indochine. It’s still #5 on a list where I had to keep 15 entries instead of 10. This is because almost no other song I really really like from them will ever be elligible for these lists and if I can’t put a single Indochine song somewhere, especially from the Paradize album, I will have to punch a wall, dammit.

So here. Have the one in which the guy asks the moon if his significant other still loves him and where the moon answers “dude it’s not my problem”.

I love them and Paradize is an absolute monster of an album which rightfully made them relevant again, from new wave sensations of the 80s to favorite mainstream band for every young French punk/goth kid ever in the 2000s. This is not a diss, by the way, considering I was very clearly in that core demographic. Especially if you look at the top three I made for that year (and for the next one but let’s not get ahead of ourselves).

4 - A Thousand Miles (Vanessa Carlton)

US: #6 / FR: #51

Yeah yeah, you knew this was coming when you saw that pic of the first singles I bought, and you can start laughing now. I know it’s basically a meme now (and a good one, mind you), but sometimes, songs are remembered for more than one reason, and you have to admit that one is still great on its own. I listened to it SO. MUCH. Especially before everything started to go wrong for me that year, so basically this is the sound of “how things should have been”, and it’s so pleasant and nice to listen to it even today. It’s no longer on my mp3 player, but, no joke, I think it stayed on it from the day I bought my first mp3 player to something like 2017. Is it an indicator of quality or yet another indicator of my debatable taste? Probably both.

In any other year, there would be a clear #1 either towering above the other songs or just slightly ahead of the rest. 2002 was so good I can’t, for the life of me, decide which of these next three songs is the best one, even subjectively, in a “hey I like this one a little bit more” kind of way.

So I’m ranking the top 3 according to the lengths I went to to listen to each of these songs at the time.

Let’s go.

3 - C’est Une Belle Journée (Mylène Farmer)

US: Not on the list / FR: #46

This is what I’d call the Last Great Mylène Farmer Song. Oh she was still making music, pretty great music, in fact, after that. She’s still making decent stuff nowadays, from time to time. But in my opinion, it’s all downhill from there.

Still. This kickstarted my obsession with her at the time, because someone (I still have no idea who that was) was foolish enough to buy me the cd for Christmas. This is also why it’s #3 and not higher; I didn’t have to work at all to listen to it.

So... This is a song about killing yourself, disguised as a bouncy energetic pop tune. And it works horribly well. It’s very vaguely sinister but if you don’t listen to it very closely, it’s nearly impossible to notice what it’s actually about (translation here), and it charted super high and for a super long time without any controversy in its wake.

As I said: all downhill from there, because... how do you even top this?

2 - Lose Yourself (Eminem)

US: #63 / FR: Not on the list

You probably guessed this was coming. I’m not sure what the consensus for the “best Eminem hit song” is nowadays, but that one has to be pretty high on the list. And it’s also kind of a meme because of the spaghetti line, I know, but still, quality, man. The most important thing about it in the context of this list is that it was juuuuust slow enough to allow me to understand most of the important parts with my still-limited English, and I loved the little story it told. I remember trying to put it on a tape for days and waiting for it to pop up on the radio and instantly pressing Record after the first note.

And of course I wanted to see 8 Mile and I couldn’t, but a few months later, the local book/dvd/music store, which had screens broadcasting scenes from new stuff they were selling, had a screen with a few battle rap scenes from 8 Mile on it, and once I noticed I stood in front of the screen for a long time in silent admiration. What can I say, I was an angry little thing, and seeing angry people fighting each other in ways where no-one gets hurt was very satisfying and cathartic.

1 - In the End (Linkin Park)

US: #7 / FR: Not on the list

The music video had hilariously bad cgi even at the time, just to clarify. But yeah, that sound right there had the perfect balance of color, energy, sadness and anger to be the hit of the year for me back then. And I could understand nearly all the lyrics! I. Loved it. The local library had Hybrid Theory and I listened to it so. MUCH (my favorite song on it was actually One Step Closer (singing CAUSE I’M ONE-STEP-CLOSER-TO-THE-EDGE, ANDI’MABOUTTOBREAK felt great) and I thought Crawling was a bit embarrassing). Thank god that library didn’t have fines if you returned your stuff after the due date because I had to wait until I was able to make a copy of it first. The “parents-proof” “”cryptic”” label I wrote on said copy wasn’t particularly cryptic, though, and I’m gonna share it with you right now because that’s kind of funny.

So what do you do when you’re 14, pretty sure you understood the whole song, are finally able to listen to the whole album, burn it on a cd, and listen to it way too often? You write down the lyrics, painstakingly, with a fountain pen, in a small notebook where you try to write down the lyrics of every single song you love & can understand entirely. That’s what you do. Of course.

When I stopped doing that in 2007, there were two notebooks like that. I lost one of them, apparently, but the one I was able to find already had 63 songs in it. I finally had my own internet access later that year and I could find all the lyrics I wanted whenever I wanted, and I stopped doing that once and for all.

But it helped me get a lot better with English, so in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

So yeah, In the End?

Loved it and loved that band. I still do.

Next up: wow, “all edge no point”, uh?