#but like i convince myself that the outcome that i don't want is the truth so keep myself from getting my hopes up

[cactusdodes]

.

[trynafindbarbiee]

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH NOW

I didn't thought I would do it, because it's only gonna waste my time and energy but y'all are getting out of your boundaries now.

None of this matters to me at all. I'm not obligated to prove myself; it's ultimately futile in my opinion. Although I've proven myself two or maybe three times already, I'm living my life peacefully, so why should these miserable people matter to me? I won't even remember after a while nor your pathetic opinions about me 💀!!

No matter what I say, there will always be doubters, and there will always be those who believe. It's not my job to convince people of my experiences or beliefs, and I don't have to prove myself to anyone. I'm living my life peacefully, and I don't need external validation from anyone. I'm grateful for my experiences, and I don't need anyone else's approval to know they're real.

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Why are you charging money when u have manifested trillions of dollars in the void :

I could manifest endless money into the void, but that's not the case. Even after entering the void, we still have jobs, we eat, we sleep, we live normal lives like ordinary people. There's a renowned blogger on Tumblr (I won't name her) who has also entered the void yet continues to work. Helping people through my abilities is my choice and I like it and so I seek compensation for it.

Even after entering the void and manifesting various things, you will still desire activities that bring you joy. You will starting to want to live a normal life. Eventually, you will become accustomed to manifesting everything instantly from the void, and it will cease to excite you.

If I really wanted to scam, I could have charged $500 or so, but I didnt, and still being called out as a "scammer"? $12 ain't gonna make me rich.

While there have been scammers within the community, it does not follow that every person offering a paid (and reasonably priced) service is a scammer.

You can't manifest for others :

How dumb of you all to say this.

"everything is possible"

Proceeds with "you can't manifest for others, stop lying"

Ultimately, it boils down to one's assumptions. If you believe it's a scam and that it won't work for you, then that will likely be the outcome. Is that not so? Now, do I gotta explain all the fundamentals to you all?

IT IS POSSIBLE TO MANIFEST FOR OTHERS (speaking from my own experience), and if you think otherwise, you simply have a limited mindset.

"It will only happen in your reality, not theirs." Not everyone believes in the existence of infinite realities, and it's okay to have different beliefs. However, if you do believe they exist, then this is what the truth would be, FOR YOU.

You are a male/boy, because your payment account is having a name of a boy :

I'm astounded by the sheer ignorance and absurdity in some individuals questioning someone's gender based on the name on the name of the payment account.

Are you all seriously assuming I'm male just because the account name is masculine? Common sense seems to be lacking here. I'm using my cousin's account. Is there a problem with that? I am merely utilizing my cousin's account. Please refrain from making such baseless assumptions.

She shows you her writings as proof and the photo she says as proof is her necklace and phone photo :

If you choose not to believe them, then so be it. What do you want me to do? To me, they are sufficient as "proof." If they are not for you, then fine, I won't put myself in a situation where my privacy would be breached just for the sake of "PROVING" to you that I really entered the void.

First, you all desperately demand proof, but when someone provides it, you claim it's fake. Nevermind, be stuck in this cycle:)

Why on earth do people persist with these baseless assumptions and relentless demands for validation? It's utterly draining and disheartening. If my evidence isn't enough, there's absolutely nothing I can do. What else do they expect? It's not my responsibility to prove my authenticity to anyone.

Read this ask

Reading that you should have realised that nothing can ever be enough for you all as proof.

And if you don't believe in those then why are you even in this community? What is making you believe those writings of others saying, you can have your dream life in a day, are true?

"trynafindbarbiee you don't have to deal with these manifest things, you can enter the void instantly anyway, why don't you live your life instead of wasting your time here?". - shouldn't it apply to all bloggers now? 💀

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Anyone who's charging for their services isn't a scammer always. Accusations of such reflect a limited mindset. It is indeed possible to manifest for others, and some individuals in this community have successfully done so.

The community has become more cautious about distinguishing fraudulent offers from authentic ones. I find it absolutely hilarious that you all label such offers as a scam, as if $12 could somehow make a person rich overnight. It's honestly quite amusing!

Now, one bad comment about me = BLOCKED !! I don't have time to waste on limited minded peoples, who not knowing a thing about me, proceeds to call me a scammer.

So, now, stop with your pointless assumption about me. And do better + get a life <3

And THANKYOU to everyone who are still with me and refusing to believe the nonsense going about me on here. I may not reply to your postive asks but know that I love you all !! 🤝🏻💞

[chaiisms]

DOKI DOKI LITERATURE CLUB (2017) POEM PROMPTS LIST.

the following prompts are taken from the poems found in team salvato's doki doki literature club (2017), as well as doki doki literature club plus. while there is no spoilers, some of the lines come from secret or platform-specific poems!

It couldn't have been me.

It's the best place in the world.

I'll never know.

Please don't break.

I wasn't home

Don't come in.

I can't see.

It's just a little hole.

Let me see you shine.

I realise now, that I wasn't looking in.

I'm not ready.

[name] has a lot of friends.

Because you trusted me.

I don't want anything bad to happen to them.

My best is my best.

Maybe you can convince them to talk to a therapist.

The noise, it won't stop.

Hey, wake up.

The truth is, I'm really worried about [name].

Please see if you can do something to help.

Because you listen to me.

It doesn't matter if it doesn't hurt anyone.

There is no meaning.

People can try but that's about it.

You know what I heard about [name]?

There is no purpose.

Are there others in this room?

That's why I'm not friends with them.

Are they talking?

Take my hand.

I still want to share it.

I need more.

There must be a way out.

I should instead invite you in.

It happened in the dead of night.

It's right there.

I think I understand how [name] feels now.

Can you hear me?

It makes me feel like you missed me.

But I know you don't mind.

You could say that we've gotten quite used to each other.

How could I ever let myself think these things?

Nothing is real?

Will you stay awhile?

I'm supposed to be the responsible one, though.

The images won't go away.

But I'm not mad.

I want breakfast.

Understanding is overrated.

Either way the outcome is the same.

Not all good times must come to an end.

I feel electric.

I just wanted to go home.

I wonder who that person was.

But there's no time to waste!

Problems are just things that need solving.

I'm being pushed over the edge.

I can't stop myself.

Just please try to do something.

I just feel so helpless.

I love you.

[caphayzardous]

things r fine just debriefing a short convo into a huge poste

caved and asked one of my damage-informed (and also reasonable-inquiry) questions through text. you can't imagine how much I don't like to take serious topics into text format, hate Getting Weird Over Text, but a) this qn always feels so unimportant in-person, yet haunts me semi-regularly when I'm alone. had told myself several times I'd just get it out of the way IRL only to be like 'psh, nah'. and b) due to recent propensity for crying - and also non-recent perpetuity of crying at ANY serious moment - I felt that just this once text was safer than IRL for keeping things sensible.

it went fine (I say that now, we'll see if my lover is actually waiting to follow it up with an honourable in-person "Call It Off Because You Were Weird", but I don't THINK that's it). I somehow got an answer very very close to the Fear Outcome but in a way that I feel okay about?

Basically confirmed what I already know. this is all re: some near-arbitrary semantics of the relationship, basically that we are dating (sike did you all think I officially worked that out before valentines, like I said I would? I did not. but I did become more confident in that truth, before this recent upset. it is a relief to have this confirmed actually tho) BUT we are not 'partners'/in a serious relationship.

if that sounds weird to you. well yeah. this is what I mean by arbitrary semantics and nebulous areas. "we are lovers and we are friends and we've been going on dates for 6 months but it's not...?" anyway, however bizarre that sounds, it feels good to me and is about what I expected and wanted.

even though: its close to what I feared, too, separated only by the nature and details of the conversation. honestly I think it just makes a difference to me to hear "lover" "friend" "date" rather than cut-and-dry "friends with benefits" though try explaining the actual difference there?? it Feels different. to me at least lmfao, there may be less distinction to her, but by god she has the tact not to say so. I think it just affirms that my soft little feelings, are okay as they are. are not entirely misplaced, even though they wont go any further. I did not have illusions about her feelings but mine are still being looked after, yeah.

think also this whole thing just feels different to... you know... the past situation that recently re-haunts me (do you know that came to a crux about this time of year as well...? and with the impending end of things, I became so scared that it would all twist up the same way). probably the fact that things are being communicated at all makes a world of difference dont you think adchsbsj!!! like it may be late in the game to re-affirm these details, but it's happening at a decent and safer moment. in that past exp, the relationship exploded in a bad way and SIMULTANEOUSLY I found out that we were not even dating... according to them. so you can see why I might be hung up what counts as dating or not.

Im not asking for love, I just wanted to know Im not being made a complete fool of (again).

talking about this always feels like Im going to get y'all saying 'oh, bri...' because I Know how it reads still (yes I am a fool all round).

I will keep an eye on myself. In that same past exp I made the mistake of convincing myself I was ok with certain things like this, only to subsequently have really volatile and opposite feelings about it. sometimes I can tamp down distress with the cool detachment of logic but ofc that bitch comes back UP, you know? so I will keep an eye on myself here to see if I'm ACTUALLY still good with this situation as it stands, or if I'm just Trying to be good with it.

a lot of blog post to say: things are alright. my chest has been aching the last few days since it got into my head that there are parallels with the past. but it finally stopped hurting, and my heartrate finally settled, after speaking with them about it - I feel soft and safe again. so I think it's safe to say it's a good outcome. I feel I can separate it from the past again.

hope we can still stick the landing and get the 'good ending' when she leaves aus and we stay friends after hehe. I believe!! I believe!! I dont want this damage to take that ending from me!

might delete this'n its a mess but wanted to get it out thx if u read lmfao

[preraphaeliteknight]

Yes, it's an interesting point. In the end, it makes no difference to me what some strangers think about some other strangers' personal lives. And yet... it does bother me lol.

If I were trying to convince myself that I'm being rational, I'd probably argue that being a fan often involves taking sides or supporting a particular view or outcome. Who wins an Oscar or the Premier League doesn't actually affect me, but I'd still prefer it to be the actor or team I support. And I don't think it's wrong to want to see people who bully and send threats to people brought down a peg, or to think that conspiracism should be called out. What They do might not be all that damaging in itself because it deals with a fairly trivial subject, but the thinking that underlies it (that you can say whatever you like to people, that there's no such thing as truth, only what people want to be true), is very dangerous once it takes hold.

Oh absolutely! My point is more that when we have the impulse to say “please post a pic together”, we’re doing so more for our own sake than theirs.

I will keep calling out anti behavior (in all its shapes and sizes) until I’m blue in the face, but I won’t let that ongoing battle impact what kind of content I ask for from Taylor and Joe, if that makes any sense. I won’t ask that they perform their relationship publicly to make my life on the internet easier.

We should keep being actively on their side, and a lot of the time that means letting them be their reclusive, hermit selves 🙏

[violetsystems]

#personal

There has been a severe lack of predictability in my life until recently. The only thing I could rely on was rejection for a really long time. When this comes down to being financially independent, searching for a job is a full time hobby. Finding one in these times that matches your entire life balance is rare. And I often wonder sometimes if I didn't stay at a school for over two decades that I would have had an easier time bouncing back. But there's also this fatalist side of me that I hate confronting that knows America isn't at all what it says it is. You may think you have free will to choose your outcome but you see the invisible strings pulling people around together. Back when I didn't have a job that I enjoyed doing, it felt like my life was slipping away. Work isn't fun. Neither is advancing your career but pivoting back from the grave is a feeling that just hasn't passed. I did it. And I know how I accomplished it primarily. Looking down the barrel of failure. And sometimes when I'm extra hard on myself, I feel like I'm still not good enough for anything. And this isn't really the case. I think finding a job is the hardest thing I've ever done for someone who has a lot of talents to rely on. It isn't so much the work part but convincing someone you need income. Don't get me started with the government. I did reach out many times for lifelines that people thought I didn't qualify for. So I was caught between two extreme poles who aren't living in reality. And that is the way the world is. If you are talented enough you assume somehow you are going to figure it out. And I did. And it isn't like not having a job. I do work for someone else. I do have a boss. I do have to balance my emotions about where my life should be and where it is. And honestly, the weight lifted off my shoulders can easily get replaced with some other shit. Something else to worry about. Now that you've found a job let's remind you of how inadequate you are in mainstream society. Not like the people following me around the train get paid to do that. If that was your job to be paparazzi and treat me like somebody famous then you definitely owe me some cash. I don't need your money.

And that is a very healthy thing to say. I would love to admit that being the center of attention, a rock star or someone people shower with praise and affection would be more gratifying. But real life and real talk? People sacrifice things for any career out there. I can't say that having it all taken away for three years doesn't do something to somebody's mind. It felt like jail. It felt oppressive. It felt strategically organized to neutralize the person I really am. And honestly I'm sure all of that and more is true. You can fight it head on. Or you can become independent of it. You can look at your life as a puzzle and solve every side. And it just connects you to more puzzles to solve. I wanted to get closer to the things I want not be dragged further away. Choosing something idiotic like music to follow for my dreams is a harsh truth. Even the assholes I grew up with who are famous now aren't just solely composing music. They fucking share memes. We've been doing that down here for years. Why am I not famous enough to share a stage with the people I mentored and had their back with no questions asked? Because it's a scam. You can say having a career is a scam and largely I would point to the direct deposit in my bank account and shrug. I lurk down here and do what I do because this is how I communicate with people. When I sit down at a lunch table with HR and a staff member who wants to talk about magic the gathering at a company party, I'm that much of a nerd. I don't get praised in some glossy dj mag for it because I paid a publicist money. I get paid. I do work. I am very much qualified to do what I do. I get the feeling from people they appreciate it. And I've been made to feel for the last three years that nothing I did was good enough to be valued. And that hurts. Deeply. But ultimately as time goes on and my bank account replenishes. I just look at the value of my time spent versus all the time I've wasted. I still listen to my own music when I put it on band camp. I made it to listen to. And I enjoy it. Does anybody buy it? Do I get social gigs in some dive bar playing for drunks? Not really. I don't really want to go out and meet people now. They're a large part of the problem of how I got looked over for so long.

When you can't find a job they make it feel political. And every asshole out there is trying to make people feel some type of way about something. And things are too complex sometimes to be put on the spot for a two sentence sound bite for tiktok or the gram. I don't even use that shit to be honest. My phone is constantly on blast now with recruiters instead of the same old professional golfers trying to scam me into some confidence trick. I hate being tricked. And yet you can see manipulation from a mile away. Little messages in the garbage. The same people standing around when you come home from work. Everybody has to pay attention to me like I'm some episodic comedy. And that public waste of time really feels shallow when you actually go in and do stuff you are qualified to do and get paid for it. Everybody wastes their time comparing everyone against each other. And the worst part about it is that there are people out there that act like that's their hobby and right. To meddle in your affairs. To have an opinion about someone they never bothered to introduce themselves to. To take cheap shots behind the scenes about someone's struggles because you are too afraid to face your own. I don't really do many things right according to how people want things to work out. But I can tell you I do want to gloat about how hard it was to find work. I sometimes feel like I wasn't supposed to. And this is some alternate reality where I maximize my suffering into something that has real numerical value. I still commute. I still have to show up and deal with problems. And I was very qualified to do it at my old job. Why was I let go? Why am I still followed around by those people? Why does no one want to talk to me unless they can figure out a way to manipulate me? That's the sort of stuff that was also predictable. I worry less about it. I figure out my schedule for a week then relax as much as possible on the weekends. Do I want to constantly be isolated and stuck in a rut? No. But I also don't want to be broke either. And thankfully with a little bit of luck, faith and a lot of resumes. I landed the job a little above where I was before. I'm sure the potentiality is out there for a whole lot more. But the world isn't there yet. It took time to get back on track. Now that that shit is out of the way. I'm going to stay out of harm's way and continue to grow. And stack instead of crack. <3 Tim

[volturialice]

How do you think Jasper handled his gift when they joined the Cullens?

I personally headcanon that Alice and Jasper made them aware of its existence, however Jasper refrained from using the 'active' part of it (influencing others) for a good while out of respect for the Cullen's personal boundries and because he wanted to avoid them thinking he 'made' them like him and Alice.

He was miserable during most of that time because of suddenly being around six vampires with very different emotional climates and feeling them all at the same time is not fun (yes, newborns, but they are mostly anger and thirst, so one ball of the same emotions while Emmett could totally be entertained seeing Rosalie and Edward fight, Esme could fear for the life of her new antique dresser and Alice could be bored because she saw the argument and its outcome already) but he did it anyway because he did not want to risk ruining Alice's dream of a belonging to that family.

Looking forward to reading youe thoughts!

love this question. innnteresting! I know @jessicanjpa has kind of the opposite take, that jasper was so paranoid he used his ability on the others without telling them about it for the first while.

I myself have honestly never thought about it, but I like both? I can see things going either way, depending on how well alice had managed to convince him of their safety at that point, whether he had taught her to fight yet, and various other factors.

I have to kinda disagree with that last paragraph—I don't think disparate emotions would feel as bad as uniform-but-overwhelmingly-negative ones. if anything, I would imagine it creates more equilibrium, closer to how a normal, non-pathokinetic person experiences a range of emotions over their day. I bet the emotions of the cullens, where any negativity is mostly limited to the ongoing edward vs rosalie rancor and (probably) some healthy general suspicion of jasper and alice as newcomers, would seem like a cakewalk after the years of violence and backstabbing in the vampire army, horrifying death throes of human prey, and even the awkward pity of peter and charlotte. jasper even says in eclipse that "this is a climate I enjoy." I'm sure it was an adjustment after hanging out with only alice for years, but it seems to me like a relatively easy one, especially considering alice is his #1 emotional connection and she must have been delirious with joy and excitement for that initial period.

but yes, I think you're right on the money that however the truth of jasper's gift came out, there would have to be a conversation about boundaries. I think rosalie in particular would be like absolutely NOT, don't you DARE influence my emotions. edward too—he's a self-admitted masochist, I think he would consider any kind of artificial mood-lifting to be Cheating And Cowardly—he thinks he deserves to suffer. esme and emmett wouldn't much care, especially once they got to know and trust jasper a bit. carlisle would be mainly concerned that jasper use his influence respectfully, and not for personal gain or long-term manipulation, and then pretty hands-off after those caveats.

in the books jasper seems to deploy his gift whenever however, with zero permission and total impunity (see: knocking bella fully unconscious with a pathokinetic crowbar to the head.) but to me that feels like yet another case of smeyer using something As The Plot Demands and not bothering to consider the full implications. she retconned jasper's gift into being "physical," she retconned him into having basically the power of invisibility in midnight sun...,it doesn't exactly smack of thoughtful worldbuilding and characterization to me. super fun and interesting to play around with for us fans, though!

[waiting-on-a-dream]

Xenon's nicknames for canon characters

Which tarot cards would best fit each of the canon twst cast? 🤔 Tbh, I don't take care to know everything about the characters' backstories, actions, and thoughts, so these takes probably aren't as accurate as they could be. There's a lot of content that I'm missing out on, but I don't want to force myself to do so much homework just to assign tarot kins to the twst cast. But anyway, enjoy~!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.───

Riddle Rosehearts: Hierophant

UPRIGHT: Spiritual wisdom, religious beliefs, conformity, tradition, institutions REVERSED: Personal beliefs, freedom, challenging the status quo

The Hierophant is like a messenger from the heavens. He is experienced in spirituality and guidance, and his job is to bring these lessons down to us here in the real world. When The Hierophant comes up in your Tarot reading, you're encouraged to follow the rules, and to find a spiritual perspective on your current situation.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Trey Clover: Hanged man

UPRIGHT: Pause, surrender, letting go, new perspectives REVERSED: Delays, resistance, stalling, indecision

The Hanged Man is a card that comes up when you are in limbo. He tells you that sometimes small sacrifices must be made in order to benefit the bigger picture. When The Hanged Man arises in your reading, you likely want to make a move, but don't even know where to begin. Begin by letting go. Lightening your grip on something that's no longer working for you or detaching from the outcome of your situation can help you release yourself.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Cater Diamond: Devil

UPRIGHT: Shadow self, attachment, addiction, restriction, sexuality REVERSED: Releasing limiting beliefs, exploring dark thoughts, detachment

The Devil card carries heavy feelings of restraint and powerlessness. When he comes up in your Tarot reading, you are likely feeling like you have no control and are stuck in a situation you don't want to be in. The Devil has convinced you that you have no options, but this couldn't be further from the truth. You are not being trapped by external forces, but by your own limitations or unwillingness to move forward. You hold the keys to your own freedom, but it's up to you to open the lock.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Ace Trappola: Fool

UPRIGHT: Beginnings, innocence, spontaneity, a free spirit REVERSED: Holding back, recklessness, risk-taking

The fool has not yet experienced the ups and downs of life, leaving him unaware of the magnitude of life's challenges, and the strength and potential he holds. When The Fool comes up in a Tarot reading, you are encouraged to take on his open, willing energy and embrace all that lies ahead of you without worry.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Deuce Spade: Chariot

UPRIGHT: Control, willpower, success, action, determination REVERSED: Self-discipline, opposition, lack of direction

The Chariot card is connected to your natural drive and determination, and can indicate an upcoming victory. This card reminds you that your greatest successes won't come through limited thinking. When you combine the knowledge of your mind with that of your heart and spirit, you are an unstoppable force.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Leona Kingscholar: Magician

UPRIGHT: Manifestation, resourcefulness, power, inspired action REVERSED: Manipulation, poor planning, untapped talents

The Magician card is a reminder that you are a unique being, and have many gifts that others do not hold. These skills set you apart from the crowd, and can help you begin new projects or overcome adversity. When The Magician comes up in your Tarot reading, it's a reminder that you needn't wait, you already hold everything you need to move forward and accomplish what you've set out to do.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Ruggie Bucchi: Strength

UPRIGHT: Strength, courage, persuasion, influence, compassion REVERSED: Inner strength, self-doubt, low energy, raw emotion

One of the most obviously named cards in a Tarot deck, Strength is most definitely a card about strength, but not physical strength. The Strength card represents the fortitude of your heart, your level of courage, and your ability to withstand anything life hands you. If this card arises in your Tarot reading, you are reminded that you are strong enough to handle whatever you are facing, and will come out of it with even more power than you had before.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Jack Howl: Chariot

UPRIGHT: Control, willpower, success, action, determination REVERSED: Self-discipline, opposition, lack of direction

The Chariot card is connected to your natural drive and determination, and can indicate an upcoming victory. This card reminds you that your greatest successes won't come through limited thinking. When you combine the knowledge of your mind with that of your heart and spirit, you are an unstoppable force.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Azul Ashengrotto: Death

UPRIGHT: Endings, change, transformation, transition REVERSED: Resistance to change, personal transformation, inner purging

The Death card speaks of cycles. Endings, yes, but beginnings too, and is a reminder that all things must pass. Hanging on to relationships, feelings, fears, or situations from the past will hinder you from allowing new, better things to enter your life. Take comfort in knowing that in every ending lies a chance for a new beginning.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Jade Leech: Magician

UPRIGHT: Manifestation, resourcefulness, power, inspired action REVERSED: Manipulation, poor planning, untapped talents

The Magician card is a reminder that you are a unique being, and have many gifts that others do not hold. These skills set you apart from the crowd, and can help you begin new projects or overcome adversity. When The Magician comes up in your Tarot reading, it's a reminder that you needn't wait, you already hold everything you need to move forward and accomplish what you've set out to do.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Floyd Leech: Lover

UPRIGHT: Love, harmony, relationships, values alignment, choices REVERSED: Self-love, disharmony, imbalance, misalignment of values

It's no surprise The Lovers card represents the close relationships in your life. If it comes up in your Tarot reading, your love life is in need of extra focus and attention. However, this is just as much a card about your values and decisions. You may find The Lovers come up when you are at a crossroads, and must consider all the possible consequences of your choices.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Kalim Al-Asim: Star

UPRIGHT: Hope, faith, purpose, renewal, spirituality REVERSED: Lack of faith, despair, self-trust, disconnection

The Star is the embodiment of hope and healing. She is a calming influence that brings messages of renewal, optimism, and inspiration. When The Star comes up in your Tarot reading, she reminds you that the universe is working in your favor, and encourages you to have faith in where you are being taken.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Jamil Viper: Emperor

UPRIGHT: Authority, establishment, structure, a father figure REVERSED: Domination, excessive control, lack of discipline, inflexibility

The Emperor is a card of leadership and power. He is an authoritative force who has been through many experiences to achieve this status. He represents structure and solidity, and reminds you that you, too, hold immense amounts of power over your own life, and what happens to it.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Vil Schoenheit: Strength

UPRIGHT: Strength, courage, persuasion, influence, compassion REVERSED: Inner strength, self-doubt, low energy, raw emotion

One of the most obviously named cards in a Tarot deck, Strength is most definitely a card about strength, but not physical strength. The Strength card represents the fortitude of your heart, your level of courage, and your ability to withstand anything life hands you. If this card arises in your Tarot reading, you are reminded that you are strong enough to handle whatever you are facing, and will come out of it with even more power than you had before.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Rook Hunt: Sun

UPRIGHT: Positivity, fun, warmth, success, vitality REVERSED: Inner child, feeling down, overly optimistic

The Sun is an uplifting card, representing happiness, joy, vitality, and optimism. When it comes up in your Tarot reading, it is an positive sign that things are working well for you and that you're moving in the right direction. Lift your head and realize all the good situations and people that are surrounding you now and always. 

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Epel Felmier: Chariot

UPRIGHT: Control, willpower, success, action, determination REVERSED: Self-discipline, opposition, lack of direction

The Chariot card is connected to your natural drive and determination, and can indicate an upcoming victory. This card reminds you that your greatest successes won't come through limited thinking. When you combine the knowledge of your mind with that of your heart and spirit, you are an unstoppable force.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Idia Shroud: Tower

UPRIGHT: Sudden change, upheaval, chaos, revelation, awakening REVERSED: Personal transformation, fear of change, averting disaster

Perhaps the most dreaded card in a Tarot deck, The Tower is a representation of destruction. The Tower often comes up when everything in your life feels like its crumbling, and you have no way of stopping it. The message of this card is to just let it fall. The weakest parts of your life must be torn down in order to build something strong and sturdy in their place. Something that can last a lifetime.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Ortho Shroud: World

UPRIGHT: Completion, integration, accomplishment, travel REVERSED: Seeking personal closure, short-cuts, delays

The World represents completion, success, and fulfillment. When she arises in your Tarot Reading, The World shows you that you are exactly where you are meant to be on your path. You have a greater understanding of who you are after all you've been through, and you're ready for the next phase of your journey.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Malleus Draconia: Emperor

UPRIGHT: Authority, establishment, structure, a father figure REVERSED: Domination, excessive control, lack of discipline, inflexibility

The Emperor is a card of leadership and power. He is an authoritative force who has been through many experiences to achieve this status. He represents structure and solidity, and reminds you that you, too, hold immense amounts of power over your own life, and what happens to it.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Lilia Vanrouge: Wheel of fortune

UPRIGHT: Good luck, karma, life cycles, destiny, a turning point REVERSED: Bad luck, resistance to change, breaking cycles

The Wheel of Fortune is constantly revolving. Sometimes you will be at the top, and sometimes you will be at the bottom. It reminds you that nothing is permanent, and, good or bad, you must cherish the lessons that this moment is bringing you.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Silver: Chariot

UPRIGHT: Control, willpower, success, action, determination REVERSED: Self-discipline, opposition, lack of direction

The Chariot card is connected to your natural drive and determination, and can indicate an upcoming victory. This card reminds you that your greatest successes won't come through limited thinking. When you combine the knowledge of your mind with that of your heart and spirit, you are an unstoppable force.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

Sebek Zigvolt: Judgement

UPRIGHT: Judgement, rebirth, inner calling, absolution REVERSED: Self-doubt, inner critic, ignoring the call

Judgment is a card where your past and your future come together. You are being called on to review your decisions and your actions until now, to ensure they are in-line with where you ultimately want to go. The Judgment card reminds you that your future is not set in stone, and that it's never too late to make a change for the better.

[septembersghost]

I've never realised until you mentioned it how similar Norma/Romero and Kim/Jimmy's weddings are. prayer circle that Jimmy and Kim have a happier ending because christ I don't want to handle that kind of pain again

it makes me want to jump off a cliff directly into the ocean <3

to be fair, the circumstances that drive them to do this and the characters themselves are all very different - part of why i like to amuse myself thinking of kim and norma interacting (or rhea and vera cast together as sisters, i'm telling you, someone do this!) is the stark differences between those women. kim works so hard to keep herself contained, not to telegraph her thoughts, to restrain her emotions and quietly take the measure of everything; norma is completely unable to do this and is much more transparent in her reactions and emotionally volatile, but the thing that gets me is they're both unexpectedly unpredictable, both strong and defiant and flowing with depths of anger and love, both prepared to do whatever they must for any situation or the person most dear to them (jimmy and norman respectively). they both had difficult childhoods in disparate senses, and the abandonment and instability left permanent scars. they have such wells of hurt and resilience within them that i think they'd understand and have compassion for one another despite being juxtaposed in their outward displays. (also alex would not like jimmy, which is just so funny. not that alex really likes people in general, but a flashy, gregarious defense lawyer would be anathema to him personally.) bonus, kim and norma are both the queens of yelling at men. no one can tell a man off like either of them can.

obviously jimmy and kim love one another deeply and are already romantically involved, whereas alex and norma have danced around their attraction or even openly antagonized one another, but what's interesting to me in the wedding scenarios is both women propose (!) ostensibly for reasons of convenience. maybe we get married, and we're legally protected. maybe you could marry me so that i can have the insurance i need to help care for my mentally ill son. they convince themselves these are business transactions. mutually beneficial arrangements, but nothing more. except these men are totally head over heels for them, whether they want to admit it or not, so of course they'll do it, they'll do anything for them. jimmy will do anything to make kim happy (jimmy switches the numbers for her, survives the desert for her, would die for her), alex will do whatever he can to protect norma no matter how corrupt it makes him (alex kills for her more than once). so they enter into these false marriages with underlying truth. with this tentative spark and hope of acceptance and being loved back, only to miraculously realize that they are. getting married brings jimmy and kim even closer, cements their connection and their love and causes it to exhibit itself in new ways, both good and bad, anything that keeps them together. getting married makes alex and norma, through their stubbornness and their issues, recklessly fall in love with one another and display real vulnerability that they never show (or perhaps are incapable of showing) anyone else.

they get married nervously, under pretense, with no trappings, no grand gestures, no tulle or roses or even idealism, and it leads to them being the most honest they ever have been, and the most romantic.

it's fatal in norma and alex's case (though a lot more factors are at play there than their marriage, it's certainly a cause. and i love norman and have sympathy for him and think that action is one of the most plaintively tragic things i've ever seen, the image of norman walking through the house and closing the vents set to eerie mr. sandman lives in my head rent free, but that's...a whole other post), in jimmy and kim's case i think the outcome is going to be something all its own and not resultant in that permanent grave, though there are other forms of grief withering love that could be more painful than death. since they're both prequels, we know quite a lot of doom is sealed from the start. norma is never going to escape her fate, the basement awaits from the moment we meet her. she has WAY more extenuating circumstances, and her codependent, consuming, irrevocable bond is with norman first and foremost and eternally, which causes a schism for her (and she chooses her son, of course she does, this is inevitable from the beginning), whereas kim's codependent, consuming, irrevocable bond is jimmy alone. alex wants to be a savior of sorts but is no white knight, he and norma both have blood on their hands, they both carry guilt and yet would take those actions again without pause. it's a whisper of a romance, though i'd argue the "pack your bags"/"where are we going?" scene is one of the most powerful in the entire show and an example of unflinchingly accepting love. still, they get two weeks. two weeks to feel that measure of love and union and comfort, and who can even say if it would've lasted? she dies before they're fully tested, looking ethereal and angelic and haunting his memory, curling him into vengeance and despair like the edges of a burned letter. it was an ephemeral thing, their bubble as she described it. shimmering and brief, and the point was having a moment.

jimmy and kim live in their own world of ghosts, but we don't know how their story ends yet. their connection has been anything but ephemeral. it has been enduring and constant. it has spanned years, transformations, victories, laughter and grief, bloodshed. they choose each other over and over again. they make each other braver and better, they make each other devious and worse, they define and illuminate and construct each other's identities, they are destructive and salvational for one another. the everlasting and ever-developing quality of that makes me think that maybe there's some measure of, if not light, at the end of their road, something akin to reunion and/or a modicum of healing. (a fool's hope in denial? maybe!)

tl;dr but YES i am very very emotional about the parallels and contrasts between their relationships at any given moment, and the courthouse city hall weddings in both cases moved me in a particular way.

alex and norma have this delicate, uncertain kiss that unfolds into a Real Thing

and they stand on the steps with the weight of this choice

jimmy and kim have a perfunctory kiss that becomes tender and Very Real

and they stand on the steps with the weight of this choice

they tie their lives and destinies together, and then cautiously carve out a space to call home amidst the tumult of a dark and threatening universe, trying to keep one safe place of sanctity for their hearts, one place to embrace each other regardless of their sins. the specter of death follows them past the threshold, but maybe that isn't the meaning of it in the end. maybe it was being seen. maybe it was taking their broken pieces and holding them reverently for a moment.

maybe it was taking the risk to love at all.

[rogue-durin-16]

THINGS NEVER GO AS PLANNED (Part VII/VII)

"apart"

Summary: After Fred's death, George and Y/n lean on each other to carry on. This wasn't the most brilliant idea, though; George was pretty much in love with the girl, and Y/n— well, she had been dating Fred prior to the Battle of Hogwarts.

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst

Tags:

Suggested by: @crispykittywitch

George Weasley: @meph1stophelian

Things never go as planned: @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @beautyschoo1dropout @s1ut4georgeweasley @sunshineandshadows @missmulti @accioweaslcy @andreaareynoso @georgeweasley16 @dianarte @skarlettmikaelson

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog @amourtentiaa @just-here-to-escape-from-reality

Warnings: language (?) Angst

A/N: P L E A S E DON'T MURDER ME YET THERE'S AN EPILOGUE OKAY?! OKAY now enjoy <3

Prologue: the aftermath

Part I: sleepless nights

Part II: candy floss

Part III: shock therapy

Part VI: wrong name

Part V: the perfect excuse

Part VI: the downfall

Epilogue: I still love you

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

Since the Amortentia incident, Y/n had barely looked at me; not in the way I had avoided her after New Year, though, this time, it was different. She didn't seem to be doing it accidentally, rather than on purpose; she appeared to be too lost into her turmoil of thoughts to realise what she was doing, which scared me more.

I had figured the Amortentia would have had something to do with it, but it took me two days to pick up on it.

Undoubtedly, Y/n had smelled Fred's scent on it, and it dawned on her how twisted what we were doing was.

I cried myself to sleep the night that my mind stumbled upon that information. I let myself sob violently, pouring out as much pain as I could, wanting to wash away the recurrent thoughts that creeped on my mind, thoughts that were not unfounded.

That was it— I had lost both a friend and the woman I loved.

Once the tears seem to die out, a new thought appeared in my mind; maybe I was meant to be alone. I could barely function alone, how was I supposed to function with another person?

Perhaps I had always be meant to be alone.

I was going to be alone forever.

I was alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

It took my careless arse a hot minute to be aware of how obvious my emotional rollercoaster was from the outside; George had been getting visibly upset by it —I'd dare to reckon he even cried the past night because of it—, and I had to stop that, but how?

I knew it was always best to tell the truth, but where would that take us? Nowhere good. I couldn't just tell George I was in love with him and expect us not to fall apart even harder.

He would think I'm lying, or that I'm using him as a second option —I couldn't let him think that—, but again, his mind had probably gone to those thoughts due to my radio silence.

I had to tell him the truth, and face the consequences.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sound of our front door's lock opening snapped me out of my own mind, and even made me jump a bit in the couch I sat. I had been waiting for George to arrive for a good couple of hours, weighing on how I could approach the topic, but I didn't seem to come up with anything remotely good.

He stepped into the flat with his eyes casted down, so it took him a moment to acknowledge my presence. "I—" his now dull eyes observed me with confusion, as if he wasn't expecting to see me in my own flat. "what are you doing awake?"

"Waiting for you." He closed the door, scrutinising me with furrowed brows. "I— well—" I cleared my throat and got up, causing his shoulders to tense up. "I wanted to tell you something."

I thought I would have to fight his childish behavior and convince him not to dodge the subject, but he only leaned on the door, his hands behind his back and his eyes casted down. "I... I wanted to tell you something too."

"You go first." I prompted him, planning on using those extra seconds to mentally prepare myself for what I was about to say —as if I hadn't been trying to mentally prepare myself for two hours already.

He peeked at me and sighed, his eyes coming back to his shoes before speaking. "I don't know how to say this— I" he pursed his lips and I could see the struggle irradiating from him. "I think you should move out." Now I knew why he refused to meet my gaze. "We— we need time away y'know— Fleur offered to help you look for an apartment. I'll go back to the Burrow until you find one— and I'm not firing you but I would appreciate if you didn't attend the clients if I'm there."

I should have spoken first, I scolded myself.

"Why?"

"What why?"

"Why you should've spoken first?"

"I— well, so you see," I tugged on my sleeves; it was my turn to avoid his look. "W-when I spilled the Amortentia— well I— I smelled—"

"I know."

"You... Do?"

"Yeah, that's... That's why I think we need some time away."

I had never in my life had my heart shattered in so many pieces in such a short span of time. The pain was so immense that I wasn't able to shed a single tear. Out of every outcome, this was the least expected.

"O-okay." We kept sneaking glances at each other in a dreadful silence until our eyes accidentally met. "I think—"

"I should—"

Another best of silence fell among us after we simultaneously spoke.

"I should go pick some things up." He muttered, passing by my side as fast as he could.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning I caught him, as I expected, sneaking out of the flat with one of the bags he had carried in months ago.

He was already exiting when I jogged out of my room, managing to catch his hand.

I could see the goosebumps in his arm, and I thanked Merlin he couldn't hear my heart threatening to leaving my chest to go with him.

"I'm really sorry, George." I whispered, squeezing his hand. Although I had a tiny bit of hope that he would change his mind and step back into our home if I said those words, it was more of a goodbye.

He just shook his head, letting me know there was no need for an apology, and squeezed my hand back before pulling away.

His fingers slipping away from mines was such an emptying feeling, as if my connection with him slept away from my grasp forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I went to sleep that night hoping George's parting would have been a nightmare, and I cried the morning after when my brain took in that it was, in fact, very much real.

A heavily pregnant Fleur showed up that afternoon; she made me dinner and tried to cheer me up a little before making me get dressed so she could drag me out to look for flats in the Diagon Alley. It was an unsuccessful trip, but the Triwizard Tournament Champion wasn't about to give up so easily, so she came the next day, and the following, and on and on for a week.

As if summoned by the woman's will to find me a new home, we found a cheap, acceptable apartment near the shop.

I purchased it instantly, and soon enough I was moving out my things with Bill's help, to stop his wife from helping me herself.

"That's the last one, right?" Bill questioned, nodding at the bag laying on the couch with a box in his hands.

"Yup." I pulled it up and hung it on my shoulder.

"Need anything else?" I shook my head no. "Alright then I'll leave this at your place and apparate back home." He hesitated for a moment before adding, "I know it's none of my business but... Whatever happened between you two— it's fixable, believe me."

"I really don't think so." I muttered, gripping the bag's strap.

"It is," he repeated, adjusting the box in his arms. "just don't give up." He gave me a small, reassuring smile and disapparated.

Maybe he was right, maybe it was fixable. Taking a look around the now emptier apartment, I thought it surely didn't seem like it, but hope is the last thing you lose, right?

In a final attempt of getting him back, I grabbed a notebook from the bag and teared a page off it; I left the bag besides me as I knelt down and reached for a pencil forgotten over the coffee table.

Three Days Later

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

I entered the apartment— it was quiet, similar to a cemetery, just like the first time I stepped on the apartment after the war.

This time, it was empty, though.

Y/n didn't rush to the door when I opened it.

She didn't catch me when I fell on my knees and broke down to tears.

I was alone.

After Godric knows how long I managed to get myself back to my feet. I passed Y/n's old room as fast as I had first passed Fred's room months ago.

Once I got to my room and lay down on my bed, my mind cleared up enough for me to realise that I would be seeing Y/n the next day —at least once— at the shop.

"Fuck." I muttered, burying my face on my pillow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

He had asked me not to leave the office while he was in the shop.

He had explicitly asked me not to, but I needed to know if he had read my letter— no, I need to know if I had taken a step in the right direction by writing the letter.

So there I was, descending the stairs in his direction, and taking my time to do so since he was talking with a couple of clients.

"Y/n!" Verity rushed to me with what seemed a defective portable swamp. "I need your help with this," My eyes, still on George, caught the way his head snapped in my direction with sheer fear on it. "I've got a woman there threatening with suing us because the swamp send one of her children to St. Mungo!" The girl managed to get my attention with her anxious rambling.

"She can't do that." George, who had probably caught on Verity's words, spoke before I could. "She agreed on our shop policy." He reminded her, walking to stand by my side.

"I already told her that Mister Weasley, but she said she's 'not taking the words of a pipsqueak'." She replied in a whisper.

"She said what?" George questioned in disbelief.

"I'm gonna shove that lawsuit up her arse." I spoke, spotting the completely out of place middle aged woman who stood in front of Verity's till. "Send her to the office." Verity looked at me and then at George for confirmation, who simply gave her a nod.

Once Verity left, I turned to the ginger, whose warm eyes were already fixed on me. "How are you?" He inquired in a way that let me see it was out of politeness, which made my hopes die a little.

"Been better." I replied, ready to somehow test the waters. "How about you?"

"Same, I suppose." George didn't even try to put on a happy face, and I started to get anxious; there was no way he would have missed the note —I left it on the kitchen table— so that meant he had read it and- "You should go back to the office."

My heart attempted to hold onto the possibility of him not having read the note, but my brain knew better than that. "Alright." I nodded and went back to my workplace; I would deal with that woman and after that, I would prepare a resignation letter.

George was right, we needed to be apart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn't that bad, I lied to myself, sitting down on the sofa while undoing the tie's knot.

My mind was about to begin the overthinking of Y/n's words when my stomach growled. Without noticing, I had gone without a single meal for the entire day.

I listened to my body and moved to the kitchen to prepare myself something. While the stove heated up, I turned around and took a look at the kitchen; just like the rest of the rooms, it seemed gloomier without Y/n lighting up the apartment.

Stop thinking about her.

My eyes landed on a piece of paper with one of Y/n's rings over it. Before properly realising it, I was sitting down on one of the chairs and reading what had been written in the scrapped page.

Dear George,

I know what happened is on both of us, but I can't help but blame myself, as selfish as it might sound.

You don't know this, but while at Hogwarts, I found you and Fred rather annoying— I didn't understand why everyone seemed to fancy you so much. Then, you hired me to work in this amazing shop, and I understood.

During these past two years I had the pleasure and honour to call you my friend; you made my life much better, I'd like to think I did the same.

I wanted to apologise for everything I've done since New Year. I'm so very sorry for falling in love with you. Though it was something so easy to happen, I never thought it would go this far.

I don't know what is this letter (a proper goodbye? I don't know), but I want need you to know that I never wanted to harm you nor our friendship, and that I'm still going to be here for you, feelings aside.

Love,

Y/n.

I re-read the fourth paragraph at least five times before taking it in.

She had fallen in love with me.

That's what she had meant to say when she spoke to me about the Amortentia— that she had smelled my scent— Oh no.

My reply— she probably thought it was unrequited; she probably thought I had kicked her out because she was in love with me and not quite the opposite.

Without thinking twice, I ran down to the office with the letter clutched in my hand; she had to be there, she was always the last one to leave.

She had to be there.

I was so focused on reaching the office on time that I missed Y/b's figure exiting the shop.

I slammed the door open, just to find the table's surface, which used to be full of Y/n's things, clean in its entirety, aside from an envelope which had written on it 'resignation'.

"No."

READER'S P. O. V.

I had just left the small box with my things over the coffee table, and was taking off my shoes when an apparition noise followed by a couple of bangs on my front door made me jolt.

Out of a sad habit I, among the rest of the Order, had gotten during the war, I grabbed my wand and approached the door.

My arm fell limply on my side while I stared into George's eyes, which seemed to hold back a storm of mixed emotions.

"C-can we talk?" My gaze then fell on the paper his hand was gripping, and that I assumed was my resignation.

"George, listen, I can't—"

"I'm in love with you."

Words had stumbled out of his mouth in panic, and the only thing I could reply was, "What?"

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: I have observed a thing in me, I'm Infj and sometimes i get really hostile and too questionable and challenging in arguments. Or even to explain an issue i use personal examples and correlations that might not need to be connected but seem logically similar to me. The problem is i don't want to be harsh, hostile i want to be able to gently reason like Jane Goodall as you typed her Infj.

As others get offended and have rebuked me for my tone of arguing. I really hate this in me. My intention is not to hate someone but my way of explaining it; making people realise a different view point comes across really disagreeable. While i try to be balanced now and then but sometimes when i get emotionally involved then i want to have gentle tone in such situations as well.

My intj sibling seems more socially appropriate than me, even though in generalised way Fe users are who take outside objective value judgements. My sibling just shows an expression of shock and disapproval at my way of correlation reasoning, even when i am not harsh, my way of say using someone's personal cause they relate with to explain a cause they don't, seems and sounds harsh to my intj sibling.

I tell myself that it is because i have poor communication skill, need self management but unless I'm angry i am unable to be direct, clear and get interrupted, confused, questioned often. I've a very effacing, gentle tone when calm, but i don't give very articulate and precise points then. I really don't like how i speak, feel guilty and ashamed at the same time. Esp when my sibling gets offended and disapproves of me i feel ashamed of my self and want to change all such things in me. What would you suggest?

-------------------------

Jane Goodall stands confidently in her knowledge and skills. She uses truth rather than anger to change minds. Can you say the same? There are several issues to unpack:

1) Ti loop Problems: Ti loop enables a harsh, critical, and disapproving attitude. Tertiary temptation is labeled as such because it tempts you with a false sense of power that is ultimately self-sabotaging and even self-destructive in extreme cases. Power is addictive to people who feel powerless, victimized, disenfranchised, inadequate, or inferior. While it feels good to use the power of Ti loop in the moment as a means to cover up your negative feelings, in reality, it only poisons your mind and exposes the worst aspects of who you are, hence the guilt and shame. If you don't want to rely on Ti loop to conduct your life, then you have to be willing to i) give up the false sense of power it grants you, ii) confront the deeper psychological problems that fuel your addiction to power, and iii) commit yourself fully to proper Fe development. It's your choice to make.

2) Low Emotional Intelligence: Anger can be a productive emotion, if and only if you know what to do with it. It is sadly the case that most people are just hijacked by anger into revenge or retaliation. Once your mind is emotionally hijacked, you're not being rational, you're not being your best self, and you certainly don't have the presence of mind to work toward positive outcomes with people. Anger is a justifiable response to the harm of injustice, unfairness, inequality, or moral violations. But is attacking people the right way to address these problems? As much as you try to convince yourself otherwise, two wrongs don't make a right. Vengefulness only adds more hurt to the situation, and, worse, vengeful action means that you are perpetuating the cycle of violence and becoming a part of the problem yourself, hence the guilt and shame. A person with good emotional intelligence will not be hijacked by anger but, rather, take the anger as a sign that something is wrong and use the anger as motivation to come up with the right way to address the problem. As long as you remain enamored with the power that anger grants you to dominate and control the people you disapprove of, you put yourself at great risk of losing your moral compass. Another point you might want to consider is that, if you are easily hijacked by emotion, it is also exceedingly easy for others to manipulate your anger and use it for their own nefarious ends.

3) Low Self-Awareness: People who go on "moral crusades" like to believe that they're righting a wrong. However, when you observe the methods they choose and the negative results they get, it becomes obvious that what they're really doing is feeding their own ego dramas. Perhaps they're trying to cover up their own hurt, helplessness, or inadequacy. Perhaps they want to prove something about themselves to the world. Perhaps they want glory, fame, or fortune to satiate their greed. The point is that their moral crusade is really about ego and they don't realize it. Their intentions aren't noble and, unfortunately, their self-deception not only harms themselves but others as well. Someone who truly cares about a moral cause acts out of compassion and will humbly and diligently choose the best methods of advancing the cause. They would use good critical thinking skills to carefully prepare their case, plan out their method of engagement, and learn from their mistakes about what works or doesn't work to get people on board. Their intentions are honorable. Their emotions aren't out of control. They channel hurt into empathy. They channel anger into passion. Do you have the self-awareness to check your intentions before you act upon people?

I have written about these topics before, so do a search.

[etheriadearie]

Shadow Weaver’s Death, Her True Abusiveness, And Her Final, Beautiful, Gift To Catra

::The resistance fighters stand in the failsafe chamber. Catra has just called Shadow Weaver out on her manipulation. Shadow Weaver reluctantly explains the danger of the failsafe, and then implores Adora to take it: even if she fails, Shadow Weaver says, she will save her friends, and the universe. As literally every other person in that room cries out against Adora taking the risk, Adora turns and says she will do it. Catra, dismayed, runs to her telling her that Shadow Weaver is sacrificing her, and demands to know why she's letting her do that. Adora tells Catra "Because even if she is, it's better than Prime getting the Heart and destroying the universe." Catra trembles in deathly fear, her face consumed in terrible realization: if Adora does as SW wishes, she will die. Shadow Weaver is trying to kill Adora. She knows this to her very soul, because... she is Shadow Weaver... And Adora is letting it happen…

Hi there, my name is Joel, and in this segment I'll be looking at Shadow Weaver's death, her being a child abuser, her terrible manipulations of Catra and Adora and the monstrous pains the two girls have to conquer to save themselves from her.

The main premise I'll be trying to explain here is that, like Horde Prime, Shadow Weaver is a villain of utmost seriousness. And, like Horde Prime, the girls will treat her as one, surpassing and defeating her once and for all. But it won't be with violence, but instead with love, creating a beautiful story of two people transcending their trauma and hurt through coming together over their love for one another.

I feel obliged to warn readers: this post will cover child abuse, even predatation (*not sexual, ie). It may be hard to read. Also warning: tl;dr, please consider at least sitting down to read this!

Finally, I know there are Shadow Weaver fans out there; that's good. Shadow Weaver is, at times, cool af. But, definitively a terrible person within the plot of the show.

So, even if you're a fan of Shadow Weaver, I still encourage you to read along because as we reveal her truth and the damage she deals to Catra and Adora, it makes her final moment so, so much more beautiful… and it gives entirely new meaning to her final... two… words….

Disclaimer time: Taking on Shadow Weavers death is ambitious for a first post, I know. But understanding her is crucial to understanding most of the major moments in this show. Still, I should say here that while this may seem a bit ‘head’ canon-y, I assure you my conclusions come from watching the show carefully and referencing the entirety of the rest of the show back to this one moment. I'm instead positing these as theories, and let's just say I feel I have the data, and Data Never Lies! Please *do* ask questions or seek calcifications in the comments or Ask me anything (I'm new to Tumblr).

----Part 1: Catra, Micah, and the Truth----

To start this journey we will travel backwards in the series to investigate the what and why of the terrible child abuse Catra suffered growing up under Shadow Weaver's care. We will be looking chiefly at the Light Spinner episode in the 2nd season. We will cover Catra's confrontation and SW's -supposed- explanation for her abuse, then the tale of Micah and Shadow Weaver's manipulation of him, and then the terrible truth of why Catra -really- was abused.

>A terribly alone Catra asks her abusive mother why she did it. Why did she treat her so badly ?

Shadow Weaver answers: "Because you remind me of myself. You always have. Nothing was ever easy for me either. I wasn't born to power like Adora and... others. I had to earn my power, fight for it. Why should it be any different for you?"

This is a very typical reason for an abuser to feel they are acting out their abuse on others: no one in this world understands my pain, so therefore I will inflict my pain upon a child so that they will know my pain as well. For many people this is essentially the truth of their abusers. I can't see any other reason for MY abusers to do what they did, other than this. It is, however, not the truth about Catra. We will discuss this in detail later.

We then watch as Catra does a very strong and eloquent job of rejecting and condemning it. She shows great emotional pain as she does so, and we know that her trauma is severe from watching her. Catra exclaims, her face full of emotional hurt and pain at Shadow Weaver's betrayal: "I was a child when you took me in. What could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me? I am nothing like you. You are old, and bitter, and weak."

Everything she says is perfectly true. As a child, there is no way she could have deserved the abuse Shadow Weaver inflicted on her. There never is. And she's also right when she says she's not anything like Shadow Weaver. Where Shadow Weaver is an unfeeling monster (as we will see), Catra feels deeply. Catra is inherently good, and while she will make terrible mistakes to come, she feels intense remorse. Shadow Weaver simply does not.

So, Shadow Weaver gives Catra a believable reason for the abuse, which, again, is a lie. But... there is meaning which we need to take from her choice of words: Shadow Weaver feels others, like Adora and Micah, are given an unfair advantage over people like herself. We will come back to this important insight soon...

Before we get to the real, harsh truth of why Catra was abused, we need to understand the tale of Micah and ‘Light Spinner’-‘s manipulation of him to get power.

>The story of Micah seems to be full of whimsy and childlike innocence. A young boy is talented beyond his years, a true prodigy. SW trains him, giving him access to teachings beyond what a sorcerer of his age should have. She tells him he's special, a true talent, like her. When she tells him "the guild needs talents like OURS more than ever before" she manipulates him, making him feel apart, better than all the other students and teachers, and that only SW can understand. It's SW's greatest talent: dividing people against each other, and this is part of her lifelong manipulation of Catra and Adora. Note: Castaspella accuses SW of mind controlling Micah (s5e8) to which SW responds "My gifts were always far subtler than that” - SW controls young Micah through mind games.

>SW hints of something of great importance, but then says "you're not ready". Micah demands to know, he's a special boy after all, right? He's so incredibly naive and innocent, doing things like chewing on magic crystals and acting out in class. He is, in fact, exactly the kind of privileged child who SW so greatly hates. This is where we get real meaning out of SW's supposed explanation for abusing Catra: Micah has inborn power that SW feels he is unworthy of possessing...

She preys upon his naiveness, showing him the Horde army. He, of course, demands they be stopped, and he's playing right into her hands. When she tells him the plan and of the upcoming meeting she tells him "I only hope that Norwyn and his followers can see the threat as clearly as YOU do." Again, she is making him feel apart, as though he's better than others. After all, he's a special little prodigy, right ?

SW gives her presentation at the council, trying to prey upon their fear by saying that the Horde have a rune stone. As she speaks of the spell of obtainment, her eyes are full of lust at the idea of so much power. But it is forbidden, and for good reason. As she looks over her shoulder at Norwyn her look is severe, accusing. She has no respect for him. And he's right to say that the problem will be handled: the war, in fact, does become a stalemate and stays that way all the way up until we are first introduced to Catra and Adora. Angrily, greedily, she demands they get power so they can 'have a planet to protect'.

She fails to convince them, but of course Micah sees her leaving the meeting, angry and frustrated, so he comes to her aide. "They never listen to me. After all I've done I still haven't earned their trust". Again, SW is set apart from them. When she says "they just want to hold the rest of us back" she's including Micah, making him feel separate, better, like her. She's indoctrinating him in her plan.

>We get a scene between Catra and SW here, where Catra tries to get SW to give her a reason to save her. All SW wants to know is when she's being sent to Beast Island: she realizes she has to escape that night. She sets out to manipulate Catra into giving her the reagent she needs to escape. SW talks up how weak and powerless she is, preying on Catra's lingering pity, desire for connection. A emotionally desperate Catra unfortunately gives it to her. Catra tells her "you don't get to ask things of me anymore" but she's desperate and depressed, feeling totally alone after so recently seeing Adora and consequently nearly dying the episode before, only to be saved by Scorpia's caring about her.

>And apprehensive Micah asks SW if she's sure this is a good idea. She tells him "WE need this power, it's the only way to protect our people". It's a lie, but Micah thinks he's special because he's SW's apprentice, and so he agrees to do it.

As the spell begins to work, we see a terrifying eldritch horror type of creature summoned. It soon breaks free even as Micah helps SW try to contain it. SW acts surprised to see it, but she always knew this spell. Micah runs, and SW stays, yelling angrily at Micah for leaving. She experiences fear as it consumes her, but she knows it's part of getting her power. This is the price she pays to become powerful. She tells Micah he betrayed her by abandoning her and yet, what other possible outcome was there but for them BOTH to be destroyed or corrupted? Norwyn tries to stand up to her, telling her "bringing you into our ranks was a grave mistake". She counters calling him a fool. "You're all weak. None of you deserve my help".

I often see people say this show doesn't show death, but what happens next is undeniably so: it is murder. She annihilates two sorcerer's in one hit, consumes the head sorcerer to give her more magical power. It is pure evil. As she realizes her new power she exclaims "The spell worked. I am stronger than ALL of you." She menaces Micah.

This. Was. Always. The. Plan. The spell worked, she says so herself. Micah tries to defend himself weakly against her, he's entirely at her mercy. He expects death, but instead she caresses his cheek, touches his ear. Then she gives him a look of disdain. It's no mistake she covers half her face even at this point in her history, so we can't know her full emotions. But it's clear, she condescends to him: he was a naive little pawn, not meant to survive, or at minimum, he was supposed to become corrupted like her. But it doesn't matter. She got what she wanted. So she leaves him to live knowing what he's done. The tale of ‘Light Spinner’ has ended: her better persona was just an illusion, useful in her goal of obtaining more power. An empowered Shadow Weaver then shows up at the Fright Zone, killing the guard as a demonstration of power. She declares herself for Hordak, and at least a partial truth is apparent: she wanted the vampiric power so she could channel the Black Garnet. Changing sides bothers SW not at all.

I point out SW’s violence because it is the only time they show any graphic death in this show, and it's therefore meant to show that SW is different, and dangerous. There really was no ‘Light Spinner’, as at multiple moments during her time at Mystacor her true emotions show through (such as pic1, top) and they are both vile and malicious, to put it lightly. Furthermore, note that SW going to the Horde doesn't end up ensuring their victory over the princesses, so yes, in fact, SW was lying to Micah all along. Last, keep in mind Micah’s opinion of her later on: SW is never to be trusted.

Now it's time to get back to the real reason Catra was abused and it's important implications for Adora's abuse as well.

>The scene following Catra's confrontation with SW, we see baby Adora having just arrived in the Fright Zone. SW walks past her, not particularly interested... and yet she sees something in her. And so she takes interest. She knows, in some way, that Adora will wield powerful magic, and since it also becomes clear to us that SW knows all about the past history of She-ra and the Heart of Etheria, it's a logical jump to say she probably thinks Adora is She-ra. Either way, Adora is a powerful orphan child with inborn talent beyond any normal expectation.

Sound familiar? The tale of Micah is there to inform this moment: SW meeting baby Adora. She is in a position to wield ultimate control over a magically privileged child. And the implications are not good...

Apologies to readers here, this next part is intense. Just a quick warning. The total implication of this is that SW never loved Adora, just like she didn't care about Micah. It is all manipulation, and it should be noted that at this point SW has switched to a full mask, conveniently hiding all emotion except a sliver of her eyes (as well as hiding her corrupted features). It's now almost entirely impossible to accurately read her emotions. I don't think she wants you to, as she really has no feelings of actual compassion. She only sees Adora as a privileged child she will use and then discard for her own power.

This means she is, in fact, a child predator. In this case, she's a predator of children of privilege, but the effect is the same: she sees such children as easy targets for her to manipulate for her own gain. Worse, the strong emotional feelings which Adora naturally feels towards those around her makes her easier to control, and SW manipulates this vulnerability against her, as a child and then again as they are headed for the failsafe.

So, returning to the real truth of why SW abused Catra. Let's take a look back at Catra’s condemnation of SW's explanation for her abuse, and it's just one line we need to understand: "I was a child, what could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me?" As it turns out, Catra -did- do something, and you have to adore and appreciate this show because we don't get this answer until the very end. Before season 5 was available, it would simply be impossible to understand Catra's story fully. The creators want you to come full circle of so many understandings, the story is that deep.

It's that one, beautiful, follow on line when Catra confesses her love to Adora- She says "I always have"...

Adora was Shadow Weaver's tool, her next prey. So, along comes Catra, who experiences romantic love for Adora right from the start. Beautiful, total love and devotion. SW sees this, and she decides that she can't let Catra be a hindrance to her plans. And yet she knows she can't kill Catra outright or risk losing Adora's affection. So she hurts Catra, tries to make her weak, to diminish her. She is trying to crush Catra's spirit, her will to live, all while making sure to instill a sense of duty and ambition in Adora which makes her less available to Catra. The abuse works, but not on Catra. Catra stays loyal to Adora, and is so secretly strong within herself in such a way that SW fails to destroy her spirit, although Catra has such incredible trauma from it that we see her struggle with it throughout the rest of the series.

But the abuse does work on Adora and so she grows apart from Catra in such a way that Catra eventually comes to feel Adora doesn't love her. And when Adora so clearly breaks the final half of the promise she made to Catra, Catra too, grows apart from Adora.

Catra therefore represents a person in this story who would have been so entirely below SW's notice that had she not loved Adora the way she did, SW would never have taken the time to hurt her. It wouldn't have been worth her time, and Catra would have had a happy(ish) childhood if not for loving Adora. By the way, this truth of SW's abuse of Catra is indeed confirmed in the show, but we don't have time to cover it here and it deserves its own theory post, anyways.

Before we get back to s5 let's take a brief moment to address SW's abuse of Adora: Adora is the kind of person who can't help but empathetically feel the pain of others when they feel it, and it's what makes her to be so unable to balance her own needs against those of others who are hurting. And so SW making Adora have ambition, to want to win at the expense of others, is actually a frightening manipulation. SW teaches Adora to believe she has to do this in order to be the leader, and then as the leader she must protect everyone else from harm. Adora goes on to show great emotional confusion over this, as she doesn't really feel she’s qualified to be that leader. It makes her feel alone from everyone else, and makes Adora worry about every decision she makes. SW essentially saddles Adora with a lonely burden of leadership, one which she's not well suited for. Adora has a very ADHDish (I’m no expert on ADHD) response to this where she bounces around trying to satisfy everyone else’s feelings, such as within their unit, and so her relationship with Catra suffered because of this.

To sum up, the abuses SW inflicts on the two of them results in their division from each other, and it's a division which tries to tear down both girls spiritually throughout this series. They each have specific traumas relating to Shadow Weaver's abuse of them. These are different, damaging fears SW instilled in each of them to make them easier to control. Because of this, both girls contribute to their separation to the two different sides of the war, and it's only through the great emotional learning of each of them that they are able to start putting it back again in season 5. And so, we will see that when SW returns in season 5, she immediately tries to pick up where she left off… to drive them apart from each other and manipulate them, once again, for her own gain.

Side note #2 before we get back to season 5: SW has a complete and total lack of love for Catra as well. Her callous manipulation of Catra, followed by leaving the fright zone like she did, was a spiritual blow and then a death sentence for Catra. SW would know this and yet she simply did not care. Furthermore, when they meet in Moment of Truth (s3ep4), SW again tries to kill Catra, only stopping short because Glimmer can't withstand the magical drain SW is taking from her. She's just not good people... And if she has such a total lack of love or compassion for Catra, it's a logical jump that she has just as little love and feeling for Adora.

Anyways... let's work on that season 5, phew, I know this is long. We're not done yet, though...

----Part 2: The present up till SW’s Death----

Alright, so returning back to season 5 where we began...

Catra is certain that SW is killing Adora. And the reason Catra is so certain of this is because she understands this fundamental truth behind the childhood abuse of of her and Adora. She knows that SW intended to use Adora, and was grooming her in order to use her to gain more power. And, she knows the true nature of SW’s abuse of Catra herself, that it was meant to destroy her so she wouldn't get in the way of SW using Adora.

How exactly Catra knows this I won't cover here, it would take too long and it deserves its own theory post. But, it is pretty well confirmed in the show as well. No distractions! Moving on...

So… when Adora tells Catra she will take the failsafe even though SW is killing her, it's Catra’s knowledge that SW is for certain doing this to Adora which leads Catra to shake in fear, and then refuse Adora once she returns with the failsafe. This moment goes much deeper than just Catra knowing she can't live without Adora, although that is also true.

Ok so here it is, the big theme we will now delve into, that explains so much:

The all important, crucial thing that Catra isn't seeing is that in order for SW to sacrifice Adora, it is entirely dependent on abusive manipulations is SW doing to both of them, starting from the moment they first see SW in season 5, which are intended to make sure Adora doesn't survive deploying the failsafe.

I know it's a tough implication to accept, but I promise to explain. So why? Why would SW not want Adora to survive? This, atleast, should be obvious: She-ra could stop SW once she has the power, so She-ra is an enemy that SW needs to eliminate to achieve ultimate power. So, SW's goal is to get Adora to bring the failsafe to the heart, but then be too weak to survive the process... leaving SW the uncontested champion by her magical vampiric powers. And so... SW manipulates the two girls, doing her most familiar trick: driving them apart, making them feel isolated from each other.

Her manipulations begin from the very moment Catra and Adora see her in season 5, and they continue up until Adora accepts the failsafe and a bit beyond.

So let's lay this out from the beginning, shall we? Episode 10: When SW walks into the room, saying she knows where the failsafe is, Catra is at first surprised at her appearance, she's thrown off guard. Catra very much wanted to stop SW once and for all, but never got the chance. And now, the new, more feeling Catra is faced with her oldest enemy: she can't hide her hatred and anger at her. It pretty much takes everything she's got not to violently attack her right there and then. But this new Catra isn't going to sink to that low. And yet... SW will intentionally aggravate and attack Catra to reactivate her trauma.

What I find very interesting about that scene, though, is that both Glimmer and Adora immediately look to Catra, knowing she will be upset, both trying to help her. And yet, it's Glimmer who looks first.

Even though Glimmer never says it out loud, Glimmer knows SW played and manipulated Glimmer herself, and that her manipulations were ultimately the reason that Glimmer made the mistake of activating the Heart, which brought Horde Prime's fleet down upon Etheria. Glimmer also watched SW torture and almost kill Catra in s3ep4, so I think Glimmer knows very well how dangerous SW is and how badly she's hurt Catra in the past. Instead, we can take the story of Glimmer and SW as another stand out example of how, once again, we saw SW manipulate someone, Glimmer in this case, with no concern for her well being.

>Adora is also thrown off by SW's reappearance, she doesn't enjoy seeing her either. But then, she also sympathetically looks to Catra, knowing this is a hurtful moment for her. All of this is to say that Catra actually has strong allies against SW, unlike in the past. And it's very important that Adora is such a staunch ally to Catra against SW, in fact it's everything. But, Adora doesn't quite do a good enough job in showing Catra how strongly aligned she, too, is against SW. Unintentional though it may be, as we will see.

>Episode 11: Continuing on, Glimmer immediately opposes SW's desire to use the heart's power. Castaspella tries to say SW is the lesser of evils, but of course, Castaspella is just a pawn. Catra jumps on Casta's words, calling SW evil... SW taunts her back mockingly and we see Catra's anger start to get out of control. But, Adora knows, one way or another, that SW is the root of all of Catra's pain, and so she comforts her, showing her that she sees her pain, and that she's got her back.

Again, it's very important that Adora is Catra's greatest ally against SW, as she has learned to treat SW as a de facto enemy because she has seen the pain and torment Catra experienced because of SW’s abuse; in addition to her own knowledge of how SW manipulated herself as a child.

>Adora confronts SW, asking why she even needs their help getting the failsafe. SW answer is a lie, but plays to her manipulation of Casta, who she needs: she says she can't get past Micah. (Note: who she actually needs is Adora.) As SW tells her plan she leans into Adora's emotional fears of letting others get hurt and reminds Adora she has to be the hero, SW even touches Adora, which we see Catra react angrily to. But, SW successfully manipulates Adora into accepting her plan, and Catra can't stand to watch it as she knows it must somehow be a dangerous manipulation. Catra quietly leaves to try to process her anger. We then see Adora slap SW's hand away, showing defiance, but as Catra has left, she probably doesn't see that. Adora looks around and sees that Catra is gone, which SW responds to by trying to manipulate her into leaving Catra behind, as she knows Adora is more vulnerable without Catra around. But Adora is wary of SW's manipulations, and goes after Catra. SW is aggravated by this.

>The two girls have a very good, emotional talk about SW. Catra is dismayed, but Adora is always brave for others, so she tells her she's got to try. Adora acknowledges Catra's pain, their pain, from SW's abuse. Ultimately Adora convinces Catra to come. Together, Adora says SW can't hurt them anymore. Catra reminds Adora how dangerous SW is, but the girls have reaffirmed their bond, their promises to each other. Which is important later, as this will come up again.

>As they infiltrate Mystacore, Catra is apprehensive and stays at the back. But as the mission progresses she drifts towards the front, trying to be the lookout so she can protect Adora. This, unfortunately, puts her in physical proximity to SW when they check the ritual chamber. Catra checks the chamber, but then a sorcerer appears out of nowhere (literally, how??) and SW grabs her in a way that's very reminiscent of s1ep2, traumatizing her.

I can't help but conclude SW is being intentionally hurtful in order to unnerve Catra. She could have just pointed, or put her hand to Catra's mouth, after all. Catra throws herself away from SW, demanding she not touch her, and makes the mistake of dropping the spell and revealing their presence. Look closely at this scene and you see Adora actually shows great anger, even violent intent towards SW for doing this to Catra, but it's so quick Catra probably doesn't see it, as she's staring down SW instead.

Under a track, Adora tries to become She-ra, but she's too emotionally conflicted since the episode before when they returned to the Fright Zone and Adora started to realize she's been letting Catra down, leaving her hanging. And SW's hurting of Catra also blocks Adora, she's trying to help Catra and yet she's accepting SW's guidance again, which she knows Catra hates and doesn't trust.

>As they pass through the door and continue down a corridor, Adora sees Catra is in emotional pain and holding herself, so she lends her emotional support. She knows SW touching her was incredibly abusive. She tells Catra that it'll be ok, and to trust her, hitting her with her dearest look of love and care for her. She knows SW is Catra's enemy, and she's got her back. Catra looks back, trying to trust her, to put her fear aside. But the moment is cut short when SW interrupts them, guilting Catra for revealing their presence. Adora walks on, saying they have to keep moving, and her face says she's doing it to stop SW from talking to Catra, but again, Catra doesn't see Adora's face. Catra feels left behind, that the moment was cut short. It's by the barest off margins Catra is missing how strongly Adora is coming down against SW for her sake.

> We get more information about SW's corruption next, that it's a way to bypass the crystal of Arxia and get at Heart of Etheria's energy, and we know this because it's discussed immediately after Castaspella tells them about the crystal of Arxia. So, if the magic is released, SW will have practically unlimited power. SW just mocks Casta when she tries to guilt SW over using the spell, she gives no apology. We see both Catra and Glimmer seemingly have a deeper realization about SW and her powers and that both of them look disturbed by it.

>Continuing on, we get the scene where Catra saves Adora from fire, which is so cute but I'll skip the romantic implications: as Catra walks through the fire, Adora stops and frets over not knowing what to do about Catra, how to give her what she wants. Adora is worried she's going to fail, that she could die. It's Adora's biggest, lifelong fear as the bearer of She-ra, and she struggles with it continuously throughout the series. To her, it therefore doesn't make sense to her to get Catra's hopes up too soon.

>Adora's thoughts naturally turn to her inability to transform... and SW pounces on the opportunity in order to exploit it.

Consider now, if Adora's problem is becoming She-ra, why does SW immediately give her a hard time about Catra, instead? Adora rejects SW's criticism, but SW flips the conversation telling Adora she can't be a weak She-ra and seemingly blaming it all on Catra. She tells Adora that her weakness means she's letting everyone else down. SW tells her she has to focus, and Catra makes her weak. This is terribly the opposite of the truth and SW knows this. What she’s really doing is a deep manipulation of Adora that leans on her early abuse of her: Adora has to be perfect for everyone else, and as she's the only one who can do it, she's totally alone in this burden. The truth is that Adora has always needed other people, that's where she draws strength from. Catra loves Adora simply for who she is: she represents the strongest, smartest and most dedicated person, ie, she's the most powerful person to help Adora with her emotional need for support.

Which SW knows, so she does her best to try to separate them, to make Adora think she's alone. SW does this by grouping Catra with everyone else: save everyone, or no one. Then she delivers a direct assault of Adora spiritually by saying "the world needs She-ra right now, not Adora". She's telling Adora that she doesn't matter, only She-ra matters, and she needs to be willing to give it all up to be that hero. We see Adora search SW's face, she's not satisfied and then she does her best to reject her, pulling her hand away in anger while saying she will stop Prime “no matter what.” Catra is eavesdropping on this, but can't see that Adora stands up to SW so strongly... as usual. Catra knows SW is up to no good with it, though. Doubt takes root in Adora, and it aggravates her fears that she's not good enough to be She-ra.

>Arriving at the failsafe chamber, SW gives away just how much she already knows about the Heart. SW explains the failsafe, and so we know she always planned on getting Adora to accept the failsafe, risking it all. Adora approaches, trying to be brave for everyone else.

One of Catra's most important moments follows: she stops Adora from accepting the failsafe, and calls SW out for her bullshit. She's not going to let Adora walk into a trap when she knows better. Catra flips it on SW, telling her to take the failsafe, making SW tell them why it's dangerous, why SW won't do it herself. She points out how SW knows too much, yet didn't pursue the power of the failsafe. Catra is totally certain that SW wants to hurt Adora, and so she's calling her out to get SW to reveal her manipulation of Adora.

SW instead tries to guilt Adora, saying she alone understands that this is the only way to stop Prime. But Catra stands firm, she protects Adora from SW's manipulation as best she can.

Confronted and trapped by Catra's having seen through her plan, we see literally every person in the room ally themselves against SW. SW is forced to admit the truth: using the failsafe will mean death even for She-ra, if she isn't strong enough.

And so Adora realizes what's coming, that She-ra is the only one who can do it. She's terrified and sad at the thought that this could, will, be her end; that she really will have to give it all up for everyone else. She's always thought she'd have to. It's a deep held belief that she's alone in her burden as She-ra.

Adora asks the obvious question: What happens if I die? SW's next words prey upon Adora's every weakness, her lack of belief in her self worth, and innate need to protect others: "Then the magic will be restored to Etheria, through your sacrifice. You will give us the power to bring us to victory. Prime will be defeated. Your friends will be free." SW is listing out every last thing that will happen if Adora doesn't do it, and each is a part of her greatest fears. Adora is unable to resolve between her distrust of SW and need to protect and be brave for everyone else's sake. SW has her trapped by her own emotions.

Catra looks on, watching the manipulation, seeing the consequences of Adora attempting this. Everything about this moment speaks to manipulations SW has used on Adora before: she preys on emotional need and weakness, she isolates Adora in her burden, she even does the dreaded ear touch. If Adora does what SW says, Catra knows it'll be the death of her.

As SW completes her manipulation, everyone in the room cries out against the unfair decision Adora must make. And yet, Adora doesn't see a choice. Catra puts it best, saying: "you don't care about Adora, Adora can't even care about herself!"

But Bow's words also have meaning: "Theres no way we're risking Adora like that." For all that Bow and Glimmer have done for Adora, she's still supposed to be the champion that's going to save them. They need things from her, not simply Adora as herself. All in all, Bow and Glimmer did their absolute and kindest best to help Adora, often emotionally supporting her through her depressions and fears of not being a good She-ra. But in the end, they still needed her to be She-ra.

But Catra is different, all she wants is Adora, and for her to be safe and loved, and ideally, to be with her. Catra's opinion in this moment is the true one, the most honest. But Adora can't overcome the thought of failing everyone, and so she pushes forward, saying she will take the failsafe.

Adora is feeling alone, trapped by fate. Catra runs to her, literally shaking her in order to try to convey how sure she is that Adora is going to die if she does this. But Adora can't let the universe die, and she's She-ra. She (Adora) doesn't matter. It's only what she can do to try to fix things for others that matters, her hero's burden. Adora pushes Catra's hands off her, in a lifetime of pain and sorrow Catra has never looked so sad. Adora really is pushing her away, not seeing how seriously Catra feels, how badly she needs Adora to understand her in this moment. A dissociated Adora looks internally, accepting her fate, alone again, isolated.

Maybe Catra could have found a way to get through to Adora, but they run out of time. A chipped Micah shows up and begins to systematically defeat them, and Adora has no more time to choose. SW is easily taken down by Micah, it shows his anger at her. He taunts her, she's got nowhere to hide. This is interesting, but not our focus..

Adora again tries to summon She-ra and fails. She simply can't resolve between her sense of failure to Catra and her need to be brave for everyone else. She looks to Catra, decides to do the brave thing as herself, not as She-ra, even if it means she will fail, and hurt Catra. After all, since she’s She-ra, she has to try, right? This is her burden.

As SW turns to Adora and says "the failsafe... we... we can't" Adora is pressed by urgency, doing what she can. Catra tries one last desperate plea: "Please. It doesn't always have to be you!" Adora can't accept this, internally she is certain she has to save everyone. Even if this includes SW herself, and so when Catra later says Adora chose SW, not her in this moment, Catra is right, except that Adora believed she had no choice. Adora is also the only one in this moment who can reach the failsafe, and so it seems like fate is against her. Adora knows she's probably choosing to die, and if she does, she knows Catra will probably die of a broken heart as well. She really does choose SW over Catra, in a way. It's a tough moment, but taking the failsafe is the right thing to do, given the circumstances.

Receiving the failsafe is intense, and as Adora tries to withstand it, Micah binds the entire party with dark magic. Interestingly, this means SW indoctrinated Micah more than we're shown, and now that he's chipped, he is uninhibited.

Adora sees everyone is in danger, if she doesn't come through now it's all over. It gives her that singular focus she needs, summoning She-ra is easy because if she doesn't, Catra, all of them, are about to die.

Failsafe achieved, Micah vanquished, Adora offers Catra her hand, she's trying to show Catra she's there for her, they are together. But Catra rejects her, she's too sure that SW has won, that Adora will die. In this moment all the old trauma Catra carries is too strong, and SW has unnerved her too greatly. As Catra runs from her, Adora realizes that Catra was trying to tell her something deeper, but somehow she's missed it.

>Catra watches Adora sleep, she's emotionally distraught at the thought of her dying. So, she tries to sneak away. Adora finds out, and manages to confront Catra before she can leave. This is one of the most heartbreakingly beautiful scenes about love in this show, but I'll just cover how SW's manipulations come into play...

>Adora tackles Catra, and demands she explain why she’s leaving. Catra throws SW's words back at Adora, that she's a distraction, that she makes Adora too weak to be She-ra. Catra knows this was a unfair manipulation by Shadow Weaver, but she couldn't see, only hear, what happened between Shadow Weaver and Adora. She doesn't know that Adora rejected Shadow Weaver so strongly, both spiritually and by violently pulling away from her. Adora tries her best to get Catra to see that she's not doing this because of Shadow Weaver's manipulation, that she's trying to rise above SW's control of her. But Catra pushes her away, instead trying to speak to a more central truth: Adora's need to serve everyone else's needs, her inability to regulate her desire to make things better for others who are hurting or will get hurt, and balance that against her own needs and safety. She's speaking to the part of Adora which Shadow Weaver is exploiting to get what she wants from her, to control her. It doesn't really matter in this moment to Catra whether Adora is doing it for Shadow Weaver or not, because either way Adora is allowing Shadow Weaver to win. Catra wants Adora to be better than a slave to her emotional need to help others no matter the cost or danger. She's asking Adora to be strong in herself in a way Adora has never been able to be. She challenges her, asking "What do you want, Adora?" The obvious answer, Catra believes, is her. But Adora is too worried she will die and let Catra down to let her romantic feelings about Catra manifest and make it real between them, and taking the failsafe has made Adora all the more doubtful of her own survival. Adora counters "I have to do this Catra, I'm the only one who can." It's all to say that Adora is alone in her burden, and she accepts it and its consequences because she's She-ra. Adora doesn't believe she has value, or deserves happiness unless she can save everyone, including Catra.

Adora believes as She-ra, she is totally alone in her burden. This is wrong of course, Catra does see her and understands her burden, and is the one person in the world who wishes to share that load with her, unlike the other princesses who need Adora to be a hero and save them. But both girls are weak from their deep traumas which Shadow Weaver has reaggravated, and they can't overcome them. Catra resigns herself to the belief that Adora is unable to rise above her most basic emotional need to serve others, telling her "Then do it. That's what you want, that's what you'll always choose." She can't stand to watch Adora kill herself so willingly to serve everyone else, all while letting SW win. She rejects Adora, and turns to leave. Adora desperately begs Catra to stay, wanting her to uphold their promise and telling her she needs her, but is unable to vocalize her desire to be with Catra romantically. Meanwhile, in Catra's mind, Adora is just going to let herself die, and if she does, then Adora never really needed her after all... all Adora cares about is being She-ra. It's harsh, but true... even if what she's doing about it is so wrong.

It's a painful moment for both of them, and it's horrible because Catra is so clearly breaking their promise, the one that Adora restored to Catra she came to rescue her from Horde Prime. And yet, her leaving will work in the end. Catra gets Adora to see how crucial it is that she not let Shadow Weaver win, to let Shadow Weaver get whatever she wants by taking that cost from Adora's own life. And it's how Adora finally becomes too strong for Shadow Weaver to ever manipulate again.

>As Adora returns to camp, still crying from Catra's abandonment, Shadow Weaver tries to swoop in and make her manipulations of Adora take their final hold. She tells Adora she "made the right choice, don't let Catra convince you otherwise, she's never understood." Dreaded ear touch and all. By saying Catra can't understand, Shadow Weaver tries to make Adora feel alone in her burden as She-ra, seeking to weaken her spirit. But we see a total shift in Adora's attitude as she rejects SW’s cruelty and manipulations entirely. Her words carry incredible weight and speak to how she's so clearly seen through SW's malicious manipulations of the two of them. "Stop. I will never forgive you. You ruin people. You ruin any chance they could ever be happy." Adora just watched Catra reject her and abandon her because she couldn't stand to lose Adora again over SW's manipulations. It's by knowing Catra's pain that Adora is able to finally deny Shadow Weaver any sliver of control over her. As always, Adora couldn't do it for herself, she couldn't resolve between her deeper need to save everyone and SW's plans to use her for her own gain. But Adora is strong for others, and so she's strong for Catra. By leaving, Catra has given Adora the ability to rise above any manipulation Shadow Weaver can do to her.

Adora stands up to Shadow Weaver once and for all in her next words: "I'm going to take the failsafe to the heart, and I'm going to save Etheria. But I am not doing it for you. I'll do everything I can to make sure you never get your hands on the magic." (pic1, fyi) Note the exact words Adora speaks here as we will return to them later, they are important. While Adora has seen past SW’s manipulations, and seen that Shadow Weaver only ever desired power, she doesn't realize how SW's childhood abuse of her and attempts to manipulate her in the present are making her too weak to survive deploying the failsafe. To get past that, Catra must help Adora.

EPISODE 12: We watch as Adora struggles to become She-ra, but eventually manages it. She's seen through SW's plan after all, and so she does her best to believe she is strong enough to win on her own, to survive the heart. But she misses Catra desperately. She rallies her people, and ends her speech by saying resolutely that she will take the failsafe to the Heart and destroy it. It's an incredible speech, Adora has become a wonderful leader, but then she looks up and sees Shadow Weaver hiding in the back. As SW meets her gaze, She-ra's form falters and we see Adora's face for a split second. She's furious at her, that she hurt Catra so badly that she ran away.

Adora moves away from the group so they don't see her lose her She-ra form because of the turmoil she feels over Shadow Weaver and losing Catra. Bow and Glimmer check on Adora, knowing she has a tendency to try to sneak away so people won't see her risk her life. Glimmer is perceptive and asks about Catra, she knows it's Catra that Adora needs, that her being gone is tearing Adora up inside. Glimmer is a great friend to the both of them. Adora voices concern for their safety if they come with her, but Bow and Glimmer know Adora needs support. And so they will try their best, even though they know Adora is heartbroken from Catra leaving her.

>Buoyed by their support, Adora goes to the ruins to try to face her final task, to overcome it through her own strength alone. Bow and Glimmer take her hands, we see Adora does her best to set her fear aside. And yet, as they enter she wonders where Catra is, whether she will come back to honor their promise.

>Catra looks back, also experiencing pain over their separation. She has not been able to overcome her trauma, and manage her feelings. Well isn't it just nice to have a telepathic therapy pet! Melog stops, and forces her to actualize her feelings and process them. At first Catra tries to deny them, saying she won't go back, but Melog sits on her. She cries, saying out loud her deepest feelings. Let's take this one in steps. "You saw what happened, A-Adora chose Shadow Weaver, not me". In a very real sense Adora did do this, she pushed Catra away in the failsafe chamber. She ignored Catra's warnings and, in Catra's mind, committed herself to death at the hands of SW's manipulation. The next line is one of the most important in the series, but we will only cover it briefly as it's romantic implications are best discussed elsewhere: "Adora doesn't want me, not like I want her." We get to see one of the most honest truths about Catra: she is an intensely romantic person, and has always had the most incredible dreams of them being together. But a lifetime of pain has told Catra that it can't be real, or atleast, not for her. It is deep seated trauma that blocks her, trauma Shadow Weaver started and then aggravated against her, making her leave Adora just moments before. Catra is, in a word, furious that she's come this far, having dared to dream once again that the two of them could be together and in love, only to have SW come in and take that from her once again.

Let's take a moment to consider how Catra is doing as she adapts to her new emotional way of dealing with the world, as she has shifted her perspective since rejoining Adora: The old Catra might have simply struck SW down, maybe even killed her to remove the threat. But now, Catra doesn't want to do that but is expected to trust in Adora’s ability to overcome the threat through her inner strength, and the through the strength of her community. But, as far as Catra could see, Adora just accepted her death as necessary rather than fighting SW’s manipulations. And this worries her, and it's why it's so important to Catra that she not let Shadow Weaver win, so Catra leaves to make sure Adora gets the message. She's wrong to do this, and she realizes this after opening up to Melog. Adora needs Catra to have faith in her, because without her support, there's no chance Adora overcomes what Shadow Weaver is trying to do to her.

>Glimmer watches the doubt play across Adora's face. She doesn't know how to make it better, since Catra isn't with them. She asks her if she's scared, and Adora answers back as truthfully as she can: "No, I just really hope this works." She's putting on a good face while trying to believe there's a chance, but when Bow tells her it's going to be a whole new world when she's done, Adora doubts. Can she even survive? Will Catra be gone forever? The next scene is, of course, very romantic. We see that Adora has always loved Catra, just like Catra loves Adora. The magic is trying to remind Adora of her own desires, her wants. Let's not get too distracted though: as Adora moves on, vowing to not let the magic distract her, we see her She-ra form falter, she's still fighting despair and loneliness. Bow and Glimmer don't know what to do...

>Catra sees Horde Prime begin hacking the planet and knows Adora is in grave danger of not succeeding in her last, unselfish mission before Prime stops her. Catra can't let this happen, also, since Melog has helped her process her emotional pain, she's ready to support Adora in any way she can, even if it means her hopes and dreams of them being together will be unfulfilled. She tries to rush to her side.

>Adora is panicking and unable to resolve her feelings of failure to Catra, She-ra is in danger of fading again. She sees the sword as she saw it back when she first left Catra, her hand goes to the failsafe on her chest, the thing that made Catra reject her after she accepted it. She tells Bow and Glimmer she can't escape her destiny. The words "I'm losing her" speak to a deep held belief by Adora that she's not worthy of survival because she feels that she has never been able to help the one person she truly loves, making her no hero. All of the manipulations of Shadow Weaver, Horde Prime, even Light Hope are crushing down on her. She believes she has to accept her fate, to die to fulfill her duty as She-ra. It's the price she has to pay for not being good enough, for hurting Catra when she left her to become She-ra. She thanks Bow and Glimmer for their love and support. "I never could have done any of this without you." Bow and Glimmer did everything they could to prop Adora up, get her out of her depressions when she felt she wasn't good enough to be She-ra. But they still needed her to be She-ra, and therefore they can't help her get past her deepest insecurities. To do that, she needs someone who has unconditional love for her. She needs Catra. Adora leaves Bow and Glimmer behind, trying to protect them, so that only she will have to die.

>Catra finds Shadow Weaver patiently waiting to receive her power, to be able to achieve dominion over everyone else. SW tells Catra "She's gone to the heart of Etheria to free the magic and become the hero she was born to be." The dead hero, that is. As SW tries to guilt Catra, calling her selfish, she glares back. She stands up to SW, rejecting the manipulation: "Enough! This isn't about you and your messed up power trip anymore!”

In this moment, Catra shows us how clearly she understands SW's goal. She calls her out perfectly. She tells SW that Prime is infecting the planet to take the heart, which changes everything, including for SW.

>As Catra leads SW, having forced her to cooperate, they see Prime's broadcast and Catra knows they have to act. She demands SW take them to Adora, and doesn't accept her lies. She knows SW can do it with magic, and demands she comply. Her words hit home "So do something good with it for once and help me save Adora before it's too late." Notice the similarity to when Glimmer asks Catra to be better on Horde Prime’s ship. SW is trapped, she has to comply. If Adora doesn't reach the heart, no magic for SW, universe ends. Catra accepts SW's hand, though it hurts her to do so.

>Catra and SW arrive in the corridor. As Catra gets the truth from Glimmer, she's dismayed. "Of course she's gone, that's what she does, isn't it?" She knows in this moment that Adora is consumed by fear, her inadequacies. As she finishes briefing Bow and Gimmer on the situation, she tells them she will stay to help Adora, and she invokes their promises to each other. It's an important moment, as it is the two of them together, their promises to each other, that gives them the strength to surpass SW's manipulations of them. Glimmer knows Catra is in love with Adora, so she leaves Adora in Catra's care. Bow’s words are important as well, speaking to the power of the Best Friend Squad. It gives Catra a boost to her morale, a belief that maybe there's a chance she and Adora can overcome the odds they face.

>Adora looks out over Etheria, seeing its beauty. Mara joins her. Adora tries to promise Mara that she will save the world, everyone, at any cost. Mara flat out rejects this as wrong, she doesn't let Adora promise. Mara confronts Adora on her decision to die for everyone else. When Mara asks her what she wants, Adora says it doesn't matter, that she's She-ra. Again, an isolationist view, a lonely burden, just like SW wants her to believe. Mara tells Adora that she, Adora, has value as a person, not only as a hero, and that she deserves love, too. As Mara tells to not lose hope, Adora is emotionally moved but you can tell she's still struggling to accept Mara’s words because of her feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. Mara manages to pass some courage to her, but then Horde Prime cuts them short.

Prime leans into Adora’s fears, threateningly. Like SW, he knows how to exploit her. He was in Catra's head and so he knows what Catra knows. He tells her that her failure is imminent, that she is already defeated, like the other She-ra's. The guardian monster then strikes and infects Adora, and she finally loses her grip on her She-ra form. He tells her even her own people didn't want her to make it to the heart, telling her the whole world is against her, and that she's totally alone. She tries to counter this with defiance, but the virus has her. She knows she's in trouble.

----Part 3: Final Moments, and Death, of SW----

>Episode 13. Adora is in pain, trying to understand the nature of the infection. The monster towers over her, it has only to reach out to deal the killing blow, she's defenseless. Suddenly Catra shows up, engaging the monster. Adora's only concern is for Catra's safety, telling her to leave her because it's too dangerous. But Catra has decided: she will do whatever it takes to give Adora her chance to save the universe, if that's what she wants. Even if it means Adora has to die. She tells SW to get Adora to the heart, which Adora objects to. SW is looking closely at Adora and seeing her illness, evaluating. As Adora begs for Catra to not leave her, Catra tells Adora she'll catch up. After all, they are the best friend squad. Bow's words have given Catra a small amount of hope that maybe it'll be ok. Adora, now that Catra has finally shown up, is desperate to not lose her again, and knows fighting this monster is too dangerous for her alone. But she's sick, and unable to help her. SW takes Adora unwillingly towards the heart.

>Catra is doing her best, but the monster is too much, even for her. She tries to slip away, seeing the virus continuing to spread. She's trying to get to Adora, who’s alone with SW. Horde Prime stops her (no keep running!!) and she gets caught. He mocks her, telling her he expected better. But Catra has already surpassed his greatest expectations, and she'll stop him yet... as the monster catches her, she cries out in anguish. It seems the cruelty of the universe has caught up to her again, after all...

>As SW tries to bring Adora to the heart, Adora's sickness is rapidly advancing. She demands SW wait, but she's too weak to resist. The thought of losing Catra again is weakening her spirit and allowing the virus to take over. SW tells her not to lose her focus, she's still hoping Adora will deploy the failsafe before dying. But then the virus seemingly attacks Adora's heart and SW watches the failsafe nearly fade out. SW looks up, she's close enough to already siphon power from the heart. Her lust for power is apparent.

As Adora hears Catra’s scream, she forcefully pushes herself from SW, and starts to go back for Catra. SW calls for her to wait, but Adora leaves her behind.

This is it, the turning point. The great moment of truth: SW now realizes, in utter totality, that she's never going to get to have the power. It's one of the most important moments in the series, and what happens next is the culmination of all of the hard emotional growth the two girls have been doing.

>>Quick interjection: we’re about to get emotional here... (well, I do). Just a light suggestion to check your surroundings. <<

Shadow Weaver now realizes that, even if she were to drag Adora to the heart, she would be too sick and heartbroken to deploy it. It's over for SW, either she dies now, with everyone else in the end of the universe, or she dies giving everyone else, including the girls, a future.

Remember as well, Adora has told SW that she would do everything she can to make sure she never gets the power. Adora is too strong against SW's manipulations, something Adora learned from seeing the pain Shadow Weaver caused Catra through her abuse. I mentioned that the exact words Adora used when she rejected SW the night before were important, so let's return to them: Adora told SW she would deploy the failsafe, and also that she will block SW from getting the power for herself. But as she said all of this, about saving the world, the universe, she doesn't say one, very important, word.

Promise.

Adora may have dedicated herself to being She-ra, but somehow in that moment she knew not to promise to SW that she would deploy the failsafe to save the universe, instead only saying that she was going to find a way, while making sure SW doesn't get the power. We saw that Adora later tried to make this particular promise to Mara, but Mara threw that out, telling Adora to be better, to rise above her lack of self belief.

A promise was made, though. She promised Catra. Their beautiful, childhood promise, the one she so casually broke way back when, her greatest mistake. And so Adora goes back for Catra, to be there for her, to try to help. If this Catra's end, she will be there for her... even if the cost is this high. She can't just let her die alone. She is honoring their promise...

And so… Adora finally… after all this time, puts Catra above her duty as She-ra. Her love for Catra is more important than fulfilling her heroic duty, and so SW can no longer manipulate her into giving up her life so SW can get the power. The girls have, in fact, transcended her manipulations, and as Adora leaves SW standing by the heart, SW is totally alone and without anything, anyone, left. She is, in fact, defeated by the girl’s love for each other... and so as SW looks towards the heart, she finally... makes... the right... choice. She gathers enough power from the heart to fight the monster...

>Horde Prime mocks Carta as she tries in vain to resist being pulled towards her death. When he invokes Adora's name, saying she will die, Catra shows her sadness, disappointment, at having come so close to being with her. He mocks her again, asking her if it was worth it. Catra shows defiance, then sorrow. The answer is yes, of course. Catra was willing to lay it all down to give Adora her shot at saving the universe, she's honoring their promise as best she can even if this is Adora's final act before her, and their, deaths. Catra has total belief that in this moment, that she needed to sacrifice herself for Adora. It seems like the natural outcome of fate, of the cruelty that is SW's and the universe's betrayals of the two of them their entire lives...

Heroic. Fucking. Music. SW shows up, charged from the Heart to take Catra's place. She's going to do one heroic and worthy thing of remembrance before she goes, since she is defeated and knows she won't get to have the heart's power.

Carta's disbelief is total, she can't understand how SW would ever do this for her. Her manipulation of them their whole lives was so total, so unfeeling. And yet, here she is. SW tells Carta to get to Adora and run. She forces Catra back and blocks the door. Catra still can't understand... and we finally... see Shadow Weaver show some actual real remorse for how empty her life is. She begs Catra to take Adora to the heart, to set the magic free. The one thing SW is dedicated to is magic, and she knows releasing the magic will restore the planet. Catra points out the obvious, that SW will die. Part of the reason Catra is so broken up by SW doing this is because Catra had just accepted her fate of dying in order to give Adora her chance to save everyone: Catra was willing to die for Adora even if Adora never found the courage to want Catra the way Catra wants her. And now SW takes her place? It doesn't make sense to her, as SW is a greedy person.

Shadow Weaver’s next series words are some of the most important in the entire series. And this is also the one redeeming quality she has... that she is a teacher. And she’s about to tell Catra something very, very... important.

She says: "It's too late for me." All her manipulations towards getting the power at the cost of the girls lives have been torn down, they've completely moved past her, she has no place in their lives anymore. The girls have learned to love each other so loyally that SW is done, finished.

"But you... this is only the beginning for you." Catra listens to this, searching for the deeper meaning... "I'm so proud of you, Catra." I think we all agree SW being 'proud' of Catra is a devastating line, Catra doesn't need or probably even want her abusers approval. I also think it is a lie, everything about SW says she's unable to feel actual compassion. But SW is a mastermind, and I think she's telling Catra she has respect for her. Catra ended up being the greatest enemy SW ever faced, she was so smart that she saw right through every manipulation SW made, and in the end, SW couldn't touch her. But theorizing aside, we see Catra cry... somehow, someway, SW finally seems to be showing Catra some amount of good in her, and so she cries, wondering where it comes from…

As Catra brings her hand back to uselessly flail at the barrier, Adora catches it. Catra looks back at Adora, surprised at her reappearance...

… right then we see Catra suddenly look away from Adora. It's quick, but we're seeing a dissociative moment: this is Catra realizing something very deep, and very meaningful...

Catra realizes, that in this moment, SW has chosen to do something that is much more than just dying in Catra's place.

She has given Adora to her.

All of Catra's life, Shadow Weaver has stood between her and Adora, love was a thing Catra was not allowed to have. But the girls, together, have transcended all of her abuse and manipulation. They have seen through her plan and risen above every cruelty, and have blocked SW's manipulations to use them for her own gain. And so, a defeated SW chooses now, to give Catra the most beautiful of gifts...

Catra puts it all together, filled with clarity: SW is telling her that Adora doesn't have to die, she can survive this. That they can survive the Heart!!! And Catra is the key, as SW has told her: "This is only the beginning, for you."

Catra is now given this knowledge freely by SW, and thus given hope. SW stands before them, totally defeated, in awe of Catra's incredible growth and cunning and that she was able to see through her plan, and how strongly the two girls have come to love each other. So, SW is giving Catra her fullest respect, and as a last act before her death she is passing Catra newfound hope that the two of them can overcome this, that they can survive...

Shadow Weaver removes her mask, showing Catra her face. It's not a face of manipulation, as we expect, no, there's respect, even, dare I say, gratitude. SW didn't have to do this, Catra knows that. And yet, Catra managed to show SW something she never expected to see. And so, by outthinking and so totally defeating her, by making SW see that all her manipulations were discovered and therefore wouldn't work no matter which way she turned, and by getting Adora understand the urgency of not letting SW win, Catra has won this final, beautiful gift…

“You're welcome…”

As Catra watches SW make her final sacrifice... her one good deed... she looks on, stunned. Life is never quite so simple as you think it is, and since returning to Adora, Catra has seen so many acts of generosity she didn't really believe were possible... and now... this...

Catra lets Adora cry for a moment, then tells her they have to go. Catra is filled with new urgency... they will face this final challenge together. As she resolutely carries Adora towards the heart, she knows she's now in charge of their fate... and as they face this final task, Catra is searching for a way to save Adora, and to save their love once and for all...

~

All of this has huge implications for what then happens with the girls when they reach the heart chamber, but that's a topic better discussed another time…

Some final notes here. It's my belief that Shadow Weaver is the overarching villain of the story, who spans all seasons of She-ra, and is far more important to the plot than Horde Prime is. Furthermore, understanding Shadow Weaver as this kind of villain is a stepping stone to explaining many other important plot points in the series, and we can build on it to understand a lot of the most important moments in the show.

My personal belief about this story is that the writers had such a diverse room of people of LGBTQIA+ and other backgrounds, each with their own trials and pains they had to overcome, that as a team, their goal was to bring to light as many of these struggles that they could. But as for this most central story, my guess is they wanted to tell us a story about overcoming real darkness that exists in our world, as well as Etheria, because sometimes that's how it is. And so the right thing, the only thing to do is to overcome and move past such people, to not let them control your life.

All this is to say that I think the moral of Shadow Weaver in the story isn't about finding the good in her, but about rising above her and the fundamental darknesses that we all sometimes face. And our girls do this through love, at no point do they use violence. And that makes this story very, very... special.

Thanks for reading. Until next time…

~EtheriaDearie

P.S. :: as I am new to tumblr, if you enjoyed reading this, please consider giving me a reblogg! Thanks!! 🙇💛

[orangegreet]

No Minor Miracles

This is a completed story - pending only an epilogue at this point. Reposted to Tumblr from AO3.

Summary:

“Hello Aleksander.” He closed his eyes at the sound of her whispered greeting. Could she have picked any other night? Any other than this one? “Why do you haunt me when I feel at my weakest to defend myself?” He asked. “You are always droll when we meet. First I am your demon and now I am your ghost.”

_____________

Captured by Grisha slavers and ultimately shipwrecked between West Ravka and Kerch, Alina is orphaned and stranded on the other side of the Fold.

In secret, the Sun Summoner is raised and trained thousands of miles outside of Os Alta and the reach of the Black General.

Ambition leads her to seek out the infamous Shadow Summoner in her twenties—only, he isn’t what she expected.

Yet still, she leaves Os Alta broken-hearted and unsure and both Alina and Aleksander resolve to stick to their own sides of the world for some years after.

—Until a weary night on the war front pushes the Black General to reach out to his old enemy.

What follows is an ongoing struggle for power, information, dominance and, ultimately, each other.

But with two such Saints involved, surely miracles will abound.

Chapter 1 | A Night on the Warfront

He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut as four of his soldiers continued their debate. The map spread out before them was littered with crude markings. A dirty shell casing sat near the edge of the Fold, the scale of it far out of proportion considering it was reported to be a small camp with no more than five tents.

“The West is closing in. They have some kind of advantage. Otherwise they would not drift so close to the Fold.”

“What do you propose we do about it? You can hardly expect us to sneak through the Fold on our end and catch them off guard.”

“I’m not convinced it is the West at all—our scouts themselves weren’t sure.”

“You don’t expect Shu Han to set up so far North in enemy territory.”

“I’m not saying that, I’m saying we don't know that it's army at all. Could be refugees seeking the protection being so close to the Fold can provide for all we know. We’ve seen it before.”

The General reached for the decanter, eyes bleary with lack of sleep. He refilled his glass. The soldiers continued to debate.

“You’ve seen it before? And when was that?” Ivan stared down the Inferni.

The young man stuttered, eyes shifting cautiously to the General who paused with his glass aloft.

“R-Rumors maybe but…years back we had intel of refugees camping near the Fold at the behest of the Sun Summoner.”

The General made no outward sign of recognition. He took another drink and placed his glass back on the table.

The neatly coiled rope at the center of his very being seemed to writhe. His heart picked up pace and he shot a covert warning glare at Ivan to keep his mouth shut. The Heartrender glared back, averting his gaze to the Inferni once more.

Internally he reached for the tether, intending to coil it back up and press it down again but he found once he touched it, he could not bring himself to let it go. Blame it on many late nights, war weariness and something else he refused to acknowledge in the presence of subordinates.

The tether gave a dull throb in his grasp.

The General forced himself to speak and quell the tension building in the tent.

“Rumors perhaps. We won’t know until it is too late. We must assume it is the West attempting the next step in secession. Prepare a skiff. I want the strike unit outfitted with the shielding cloaks. We send the skiff through on one side of the camp while our team traverses the Fold on foot on the other.”

He felt her presence in his chest first as the embers present stoked to a fiery glow. The General continued to stare at the map with a hardened glint in his eyes and ignored her apparition; his hand squeezed the tumbler.

“While the camp is preoccupied with the skiff, the strike team will take them out from behind. No prisoners.”

“And if they are refugees, sir?”

The General lifted his eyes to her. Her raised eyebrows expectant on her otherwise impassive face.

“No prisoners.”

She cocked her head at him but stayed quiet, surveying his whole being. Plotting his features for the signs of weakness, he was sure.

“You have your orders. You are dismissed.”

“But-sir which soldiers should we send on the skiff—“ The Inferni began.

“Ivan.” The General didn’t have to complete his request.

The Heartrender escorted the young Inferni out.

The General looked at her and then back at the decanter, determined to pull his features together though he felt his control slipping.

This, of course, was evidenced by her very presence.

“I feel I should offer you a drink. Though I am not sure if you could taste it.”

“It would be a warm gesture though. I wouldn’t decline to try.” She stepped closer to him and he struggled to keep the tension from his posture, his breath from hitching at the sound of her voice. How long had it been again?

He allowed himself the time to take her in. A decade had passed without seeing her. She looked older in some vague sense. Mostly in her eyes. He could tell by her gaze that she was severely less innocent than a decade ago.

Her posture too. She held herself with grace and dignity, the insecurity of youth long since fallen away.

“You’re looking well.” He said.

She blushed without a hint of modesty and he felt the warmth emanating from one of them. He couldn’t be sure who.

“I could say the same of you. Your hair has grown long. You look like a warrior.”

Her hands were clasped in front of her. Not reaching toward the dark locks that hung past his shoulders, half of it pulled back and tied with leather.

“I have been a warrior more often than not during my lifetime. I’m pleased to hear I look the part.”

She smirked at him and reached for his hand, bringing the glass to her lips for a sip.

“Can you taste it?”

She shook her head with a demure smile.

He took the glass away, musing out loud, “I thought not. This connection is beyond anything which has been studied but I do recall I could never see something unless you touched it.”

He put a hand on the map and watched her as she swiftly took in the details proffered on the table and then glanced back at him. Her eyes betrayed nothing.

“You did used to visit me more often than you do now. Though perhaps those visits were simply part of your own research efforts.”

When he didn’t respond for a few moments she continued, “I wondered if you had forgotten about me altogether.”

His chest bobbed a little higher under his breath as he studied her but eventually he decided how best to play this new hand.

“I do not consider myself forgetful in any regard, Miss Starkova.”

The liquid swirled in his glass as he caught her momentary bristle at the moniker. No doubt many years have passed since she was addressed as such.

He hummed, amused at her ruffled feather and resolved to push his luck, dipping his finger in the glass and looking up at her. “Now you mention, I do wonder…”

He lifted his finger to her lips and she scolded him with her eyes but allowed her tongue to brush over his skin. When her eyes drifted shut he couldn’t stop the backs of his fingers trailing over her cheek.

“Some things don’t change, do they? You favor the same casks of wine pilfered from the cellar of a Tsar.” She tutted and he smiled at her.

The first real smile she had seen him give in over a decade. Her insides pulsed.

“Then you are not forgetful, either.” He said in lament. He turned away from her.

She sighed. “This is tiring, please can we speak normally? Some time has passed since I last received your call. Did you mean for me to come to you tonight?”

He huffed a breath. “A compelling question for us both, I think. I wish I knew.”

When her eyes turned wary, she stepped away from him and he almost shouted at her. “No. Not—not yet. Just stay.”

The wariness turned to concern and she studied his features without reticence.

“What has happened? Tell me.”

“Nothing has happened. Nothing. It’s just—“ His hand raised to stroke her cheek again and he adored the way she leaned into it. Had she ever done that for him before? He could not remember. Not forgetful, indeed.

“Rumors.” He murmured. “Rumors reach me always of your life. Rumors of your death, of your sainthood and of your miracles. Tonight I—I wished for a miracle.”

Smiling sweetly, she cupped his face in her hands and stepped to him.

“My dear Aleksander,” Her eyes searched his for a moment. “The only miracle tonight lies in the possibility of two enemies who allow themselves to meet as friends. It would take two saints to pull that off. I am but one saint and cannot tell you the outcome. How strong is your desire for this miracle?”

His jaw clenched. He was so tired. Tired of wanting. Tired of losing. Tired of feeling like he was trailing behind. Forever out of step with her when he simply desired to be at her side.

His hand wrapped around the juncture of her shoulder and neck and he shook her. “You are no saint. You are a demon. My own personal demon sent from below to torture me on this plane. That must be it. I have yet to die and pay my dues and my sins have grown too great.”

Many late nights had led to this. Many years of keeping the door to her firmly shut led to this.

Time had passed differently for him in this after. Before her were calmer centuries poised in a position of patience and waiting. Since he had known her, known of her existence really, this frenetic energy was sparked inside of him that he could not shake. Time was centered acutely on constant anticipation. Anticipation of meeting her, experiencing her power. Then, once he knew her, heard her speak, felt her touch, mingled his power with hers-everything inside was reignited. His greed, desire, lust, rage, justice, truth, hope. It was chaos and tumult and agony contained inside an ancient man who was not ready for it.

Centuries of emotions being quelled and dulled and hammered flat into nothing before her existence. The last decade spent attempting, fruitlessly, to grow back that callous.

A moment of weakness and he reforged his connection to her. The meager protection he hoarded around himself the past few years fell away like an autumn leaf and now he was nothing more than a naked limb in the winter snow, completely exposed before her. Begging for her warmth.

It was enraging.

Her hand covered his on her neck and she squeezed it but did not attempt to remove him. She looked at him with such sadness that he felt it ache inside himself. Although it could have been his own sadness. There really was no way to tell in the moment.

“I know your sins, Aleksander and I am not here for absolution. I am here because you called to me and I wanted to answer.” His hand dropped away from her. The emotions which were so clear on his face a moment before grew opaque to her.

She swallowed, “I know your sins. And I have missed you.”

A ripple across his eyes and then nothing. He pushed down his insides.

A stoicism formed in his demeanor and it was with complete control that he let out his next sentence. “I hate you. For leaving me, I hate you.”

She drew herself up into a more formal posture with a deep breath.

“You wanted to mold me in your image. But it did not take and I would not let it continue. It has been better this way, I think. I would have hated you had I stayed.”

He scoffed. “You would have gotten over it, given enough time.”

She smiled at him, formality breaking with the warmth in her eyes. “Just as I believe you will, my oldest friend. My eternal friend.”

He blinked and his eyes gathered tears. She pretended not to notice, scared to spook him.

“Why did you leave?”

“You know the answer already. I’ve just told you.”

“Would it have been so bad to stay?” The emotion was seeping into his voice now and she stepped toward him with caution.

“I could not bear to hate you. It is better this way. We are both better, stronger. Worthy.”

Her eyes don’t lose their warmth but he felt the accusation the same. He would have sacrificed every ounce of his goodness, sanity and patience to keep her under his will. He would have sacrificed her for it.

“Are we?” He asked quietly. They both knew what he was asking.

She stroked his cheek and he nuzzled it.

“What you have in patience, I have in hope.” His eyes closed.

“Why do you stay away from me, Alina? Even now? I am well enough tortured. Surely your task must be done.”

Another sigh. “It is not so simple when it comes to you and me. You are my Inevitable. We will have an eternity together in my future and yours. It is only natural I want some time to live in autonomy before we begin. You were granted centuries to yourself, you recall.”

“Centuries of waiting, solnyshka. Centuries alone.”

She said nothing but continued to touch his cheek, his jaw, her eyes taking in every minute detail of his face. He called her there. She did not know when he would again.

“Will you make me wait more centuries for you?”

She hummed in amusement.

“Would you wait that long for me?”

If you ask.

He wanted to say it but he had given her so much of himself already. Greed smothered over his burgeoning embarrassment. She would leave soon enough and his desires wouldn’t be tamped down neatly anymore.

Possessive and greedy. That was how she knew him.

He wanted to possess her the way she seemed to possess him. Her ownership over him felt effortless to him and he half hated her for it. He gripped her hips dragging her flush to him.

Her breath startled and fanned over his face. He paused for only a moment and then pulled her mouth to his.

His lips sliding over hers in a heightened sense of torture. Could she taste him? If not she could surely taste his blatant desire. Completely exposed and on display for her to see.

He wrenched his mouth off hers, hand clasped to the back of her neck.

“Have you taken other lovers?”

The words were hissed through clinched teeth and his hand fisted into the fabric around her hips, holding her close.

Her eyes flashed into his and then down to his mouth where she pressed a kiss. Sweet as gentling an agitated animal. She pressed another and lingered.

Far from being quieted, he panted into her mouth, fisting a hand to her hair in a rush and crushing his mouth to hers.

The moan from her throat drifted into his mouth and he swallowed it up, lifting her onto the table and plunging them into what felt like the most familiar fantasy or memory or deja vu for them both.

Everything was different. Nothing had changed.

He tangled his tongue with hers, a reluctant groan escaping from his own throat.

She knew she should stop it. It would be harder to keep going without him if she let herself have too much.

Gradually their heat seemed to lower into a simmer and they both sighed into it. His hand stroked her thigh and his other held her jaw tenderly.

He pulled her into a languid kiss, holding her face as he pulled away.

“General—“ she started as he slowly parted the fabric wrapped around her waist. He eyed her with a dark silent look as he went to his knees.

“Would you have me kneel to you, Sol Koroleva?”

She smirked at him, weaving a hand into his dark locks and pulling him forward. His answering smile was glorious to her eyes. Victorious and tender at the same time and she relished it as he devoured her center.

“Aleksander.” Her voice was weak and he shook his head, clutching her harder. Hands gripped her thighs and secured them tight over his shoulders and he groaned into her further. His tongue relentless in pursuit of her pleasure. Driving her higher and harder than she knew was possible.

A torrent of pleasure with him and she briefly mourned what she realized was now over. There would be no other lovers. Not for her anyway.

The vibrating tether in her chest was a living thing now. Where it previously lay dormant, it now pulsed. Untamed and unleashed and rooting into her body at multiple weak spots. The palms of her hands, the soles of her feet, the nape of her neck, the base of her spine. Her gut. Her chest.

It was everywhere and she was lighting up from within with the magnitude of its power.

The strength and bond of their somehow ancient connection. Ancient in the way it stretched behind them in time but also in the way it surged forward into the coming years. Into their Inevitable future.

If she wondered whether the effect was the same for him, it didn’t take long to recognize the surrounding shadows pouring from him as he lost himself in her. She whimpered at his alternating ferocity and gentleness before remembering.

Her responsibilities. Her promise to herself.

“Sasha.” There it was. Firm and accompanied with a tightening of her hand in his hair, tugging him away.

When his gaze flicked up to meet hers she almost gasped at the feral look of him. Shiny mouthed, panting. Knuckles white where they pressed her thighs to his shoulders. Eyebrows bunched in irritation at her interruption.

Her rabid, wild Shadow Summoner pulled from his meal before he was sated.

“We can’t.” Her voice was strained. Irritation deepened into defiance across his features.

“Another lover, is it?” He spat the words out.

Her eyes squeezed shut and she felt the wetness in them gathering and shook her head.

“There is no one else. There will be no one else.” The grip on his hair gentled as she smoothed the back of his head and he lost a centimeter of rigidity from his posture.

“Then why.”

“It’s too soon.” The words were stifled. More wanted to follow but she would not let it and he grunted in frustration.

“We can’t.” She repeated to herself.

His face drifted back toward her shining folds, his eyes locked on hers as he brushed a careful tongue over her core. She whimpered again, hand twisting his locks and she meant to pull him away.

“No, Alina. You can.” His heated breath fanned over her and she shivered, “Just you. For tonight.”

She looked dismayed but it melted when he bestowed another long, slow lick to her center.

“Please.” The word came from his lips and it shocked both of them. Her hands stroked over his ears and met in his hair and when he leaned in again she did not stop him.

He was wonderfully cruel in his own brand of torture. His touch purposefully delicate and calculated. He worked her up toward the edge before redirecting his attentions until she calmed.

“Sasha.” The cry was wrenched from her mouth as she tried to snap her thighs shut around his face. To force the attention she was desperately craving thanks to him. He persevered in keeping them open. Leveraging her pleasure for his purposes.

“Promise me.” He demanded between a soft caress of his tongue, tone at odds with the motion.

“Promise what?” It was a struggle to keep her eyes open as her head wanted to tilt back.

“You will come back to me.”

“You already know that I will.”

He pressed a finger into her, then another.

“Promise it. Promise you will be mine. Only mine.”

She keened and clutched his wrist in encouragement.

“And will you be mine, General? Will the Darkling belong only to the Sun Summoner?”

His fingers curled and he licked his lips, watching her take her pleasure.

“I will give myself to you alone, Alina.” His fingers curled again and she shuddered feeling so close to something so big.

“Then I promise to be yours. As much as you are mine. I will take everything you have to give, and everything you try to hide away will be mine. All of it will be mine, Sasha.”

He grunted, swallowing against her and sucking. She screamed out as she finally finished. Wave after wave of pulsing euphoria spreading over her and through her and from her chest and into the very root of her being.

The lapping continued and he kept his eyes fixed on her for the minutes following as she trembled and shuddered under his attention.

Bestowing a few lingering kisses to her thighs and smearing the moisture across them, he carefully removed her legs from his shoulders and got to his feet. When he was planted firmly between her legs, he took hold of her face again.

His forehead leaned against hers. She reached for him this time and kissed him hungrily. To her surprise, he broke away, breathing in through his nose in a deep way. His chest brushed her with each breath.

“I’m trying to prove to you I can be sweet and you are making it very difficult.”

Her answering smile was radiant.

He kissed it.

“Tell me where you are.” The demanding tone was back and she chuckled.

“I’m here. With you.” Fingers stroked his chest. His hand covered hers and he pressed it into himself and growled.

“I forgot how much you infuriate me.”

“I underestimated how enjoyable it would be still.”

His nostrils flared but his chest warmed at her mirth.

She pinched a strand of his hair between her fingers, still grinning, “We’ve brought about your miracle, after all. It is very satisfying to be this holy. Do you not agree?”

He had no words, only kisses which he placed on her cheeks, her ears, a nip to her jaw, a pull on her neck.

“Aleksander,” it was whispered. He sensed her imminent departure and kissed her again with increasing desperation. She met him with equal fervor, both unable to get close enough to satisfy the ending. When his face was buried into her neck and she clutched his body to her, she made a last attempt to secure his soul.

“In light of our miracle, can I make a request?” He nodded against her shoulder, a tender kiss placed over her pulse. “Sometimes you should take some prisoners. Please.”

Her eyes raked over his features, some kind of affection or devotion shared in their last looks. With them it seemed one posture easily slipped into the other. The lives of Saints, he supposed.

Then she was gone.

[innranrae]

🌈 Under the Colorful Sky

A/N: a rewrite of yoimiya's story quest ending and the ending sakujirou and keisuke deserved (ノ_<。) i got so emotionally involved with these two, the ending was so heartbreaking i just wanted to see them together (sob)

￫ pairing(s): Sakujirou/Keisuke

￫ word count: 1.2k

￫ cw: pining! regret! tears!

￫ ao3

🎆

Having beaten the officers from the Tenryou Commission that blocked the way to Keisuke and Sakujirou, the traveler, Paimon, and Yoimyia ran towards the men before it was too late.

"But your return says that you finally came around to my point of view, doesn't it?"

An unknown voice sounded, but it could only belong to the Imatani couple's son, Keisuke.

With the little hope Yoimiya had left, she decided to hide behind a rock that blocked them from view. Aether and Paimon followed her judgment and peaked their heads to look at them.

Half of Sakujirou's body laid on the sandy shore, one hand supporting his weight and the other holding his chest, visibly injured from dueling his old friend.

"Whatever you say," Sakujirou said defeated, staring at the ground.

"You will return with me to the Tenryou Commission to await your sentencing," Keisuke sounded confident.

However, his actions betrayed his words. He only stood there for some time with his arms crossed instead of apprehending the man. Aether sensed that something wasn’t right.

He stopped Yoimiya from barging into the scene, and raised a finger to his lips, urging her to stay quiet.

Reminiscing of the times he had lived with his childhood friend, Keisuke's memories overwhelmed him. He wanted to say what was on his mind but something kept him from doing so, and he didn’t know what exactly to say either.

His body moved on its own, crouching awkwardly before Sakujirou, who looked at him in surprise.

Keisuke kept his eyes low, afraid of making eye contact. But he finally let out the simple words that he had already failed to say once,

“I don’t want you to leave.”

Yet, he wanted to say another phrase. A phrase he had never considered telling anyone in his life before and even after meeting Sakujirou.

He wanted to declare “I love you”.

Keisuke doubted the depth of his feelings for his friend for a very long time. He didn’t want to acknowledge them, but seeing him in that state, defeated and hopeless, stripped of his freedom, he finally gave in to those neglected emotions.

He couldn’t watch the man he loved suffer.

But couldn’t watch him slip through his fingers either, not again.

The thought of feeling the same anguish and regret of those earlier days terrified Keisuke.

Helping Sakujirou into a sitting position, Keisuke couldn’t hold in his tears anymore. Chewing on the words, his lips opened and closed many times.

"Keisuke..." Sakujirou was taken aback, conflicted if he should start speaking despite his reluctance.

He cupped Keisuke's face, wiping the few escaping tears, "My return to Inazuma doesn't mean that I changed my beliefs. Seeing the vast lands and experiencing the diverse cultures the world had to offer was an experience I'll forever cherish, and I do not regret it. I came back because... I felt empty without you. At that time when we had that argument, I ran away instead of confronting my real feelings for you and I'm still afraid of your response."

Keisuke finally raised his eyes to meet Sakujirou's. He wasn't the only one crying.

A wild thought popped into Keisuke's head, maybe what he meant was exactly what he thought he meant. Maybe Sakujirou was saying he loved him as well, but that was too good to be true, right?

"What I am trying to say is that I can't live without you. I want you by my side..." Sakujirou's cheeks reddened as he averted his gaze bashfully. Still, if it weren't to be said now, he wouldn't have another chance to do so, "I'm in love with you."

A few feet from there, Aether nodded knowingly. On the flip side, Paimon and Yoimiya were shocked at the outcome, mouth wide open.

"Guys, I don't think we should be watching, this seems too personal," Aether felt a sudden wave of embarrassment.

"No, no, no. What if- What if he doesn't let Sakujirou go?!" Yoimiya countered, trying her best to sound convincing, but truth be told, she was just extremely invested in the couple's story.

Keisuke's tears now freely dropped. However, not from sadness, but relief.

The years after his beloved set off were filled with sorrow and dismay. But now, all the burden that weighed down on him had been lifted.

He scrupulously embraced Sakujirou, finally feeling the warmth of the person he longed for the most. "I love you too, Sakujirou. I feel the same way as you! When I heard of your return, I didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted to see you so badly I sent officers to every corner of Inazuma to find you, I'm so sorry for the pain I caused you..."

"It's okay now," Sakujirou said between sobs, "I can't put to words the joy I feel at this moment..."

Keisuke parted from the embrace and straightened his face, suddenly recalling something, "Sakujirou, not only for that I am sorry, but for not understanding and dismissing your beliefs. I do worship the Raiden Shogun and I joined the Tenryou Commission to serve her. But now, my role is to forcefully take people's visions, seize people who break the decree, bringing immeasurable pain to the people... I don't want to do that, not anymore."

"Keisuke..." Sakujirou felt his heart break.

"The seasons may change and the years pass, but if I am with you, these factors don't mean anything. The Shogun desires eternity, and so do I. YOU are my eternity, Sakujirou. It doesn't matter where you go from here, I just ask that you allow me to be with you."

It was Sakujirou's turn to jump into the other's arms. Joy felt like it was flowing through his veins, the empty feeling inside his heart was now foreign to him.

With both of their smiles gleaming under the moonlight, the trio that watched the whole scene unfold from afar finally decided to leave, getting ready to watch the fireworks.

Yoimiya was more than excited to set off the fireworks Sakujirou had commissioned her to make previously, trying her best not to think how she ought to be the one to, not only explain to the Tenryou Commission about Keisuke's whereabouts, but also his parents.

When Sakujirou first asked for those specific fireworks, he wouldn't even dream of his wish of watching those fireworks with Keisuke that night coming true. Yet, the situation was even better.

Setting the boat afloat, the two men got on it, rowing the boat a few times before coming to a stop upon the loud noise behind them.

The murky skies of the land of eternity had been let up, the fireworks show started. Colorful beams of light filled the sky one after the other, leaving falling sparks as they ascended and exploded.

Sakujirou and Keisuke watched them rise, their eyes sparkling at the same rate as the sky. Side by side, fingers intertwined, resting on the wooden bench of the small boat. That instant, they felt the urge to see each other's faces on that timeless passing moment.

The coldness of the night and sea was compressed by the warmth they felt as the distance between them closed little by little.

Under the fireworks that night, Keisuke and Sakujirou proved their love for one another, sealing it with their first kiss.

The first of many to come.

—

After the fireworks show, Paimon spoke about the meanings of fireworks to people. As for Kouchi who built the boat, it was friendship and for Keisuke's parents, their engagement.

"And for Keisuke and Sakujirou, they were commemorating, hmm..."

Aether pondered with Paimon, but after some thought, he gave a simple answer.

"Love."

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 38

💖 first time reader click here 💖

Fluff and snowball fights. Forgiveness is a path and everyone's making their happy way down it. Friendly Steve slander. Hulk interaction!

"So, what now?" I asked, eyes still closed, not resisting the desire to remain under the covers, nested snugly into Stephen's side. On his other side, Tony snored away, sprawled like a starfish in what looked to be the first decent shut-eye he got in months. I could smell the coffee and omelettes from Tony's kitchen and the soft jazz music playing where Bruce was taking care of the breakfast.

It was an unambiguous decision to take it easy after the last battle. Bucky and Natasha had been ironing out the details from the interrogation after Stephen had un-possessed Cabre, Wanda and Loki were itching to get a minute with the mercenary on their own and Veddie, as I started calling my uncle and his symbiote after experiencing the incredibly immersive symbiosis with Venom, hovered nearby in case Cabre would make a good snack.

"What do you want to do?" Stephen's morning voice was, ahem, an experience. He put Corpse Husband to shame and I knew that it wasn't only me who got hot and bothered by it but Tony as well...

Speaking of Tony, I still had no idea where we stood. My engineer had been less than happy about my actions and I thought I blew it. He wasn't as warm and playful, and while I kept telling myself that it was just the exhaustion from weeks of stress and worry, I knew better.

"I don't know. I didn't think this far," I admitted, damn well knowing what I wanted. I wanted things to be like they were - clear, honest, easy. My mother's voice rang out clearly again. I was being childish. Of course I was.

"I'm sure Tony will have my head for this, but seeing as there's no stopping you, I'm sure Natasha and Barnes will be happy to train you," Stephen sighed, his breath warm in my hair.

I blanched, stiffening in his arms, confused. "Where did that come from?" My eyes finally opened to stare at his sleepy face.

His eyebrows rose. "You don't want to..?"

"Be a hero, like you? No," I shook my head, then snorted. "I was trying to figure out how to tell you I don't want to go to college just yet, maybe take a gap year. In fact, I want to avoid actual in-person classes as much as humanely possible. And I still don't have a clue what major exactly I want to pursue." I was being honest, prepared to be judged. In-between my three men, there were at least ten PhDs whilst I was only nearly done with the first step of my education.

"So what, it was a one-time deal? Let an alien parasite take over your body for a coupla' hours and then continue with your life?" Tony's scratchy voice startled me; apparently, he'd been awake and actively eavesdropping.

I wasn't prepared for this conversation, but then again, I'd never be. Might as well rip the bandaid off. "I'm not that flavour of stupid," I immediately retorted, heart beginning to pick up speed. My mouth was gonna get me in trouble. "I am not delusional, I know things aren't and won't be the same. I did what I did because there was no other option, I'm not sorry and I will do it again if the need arises. It's not what you want to hear but it's the truth." I paused, well aware that my speech was becoming quicker, I was well on my way to nervous rambling. "I'm not hero material, I won't go on a death march for a rando," Justifying my actions? No. I stopped myself again. "I am sorry for lying. I am sorry for hiding things. But I am not sorry for putting my own ass out there so we can get some fucking peace." I finally settled, fisting my pajama top under the blanket in an attempt to release some of the tension.

Twin sighs erupted from my men, as if their bodies synchronized in response to my stubborn nature. Stephen's hold tightened on me as Tony rolled over, sleepy eyes blinking from the space opposite of me on Stephen's chest. Tony's hand reached for my face, stroking the side of it wordlessly - he wasn't the most vocal about his feelings but his eyes said it all. Tony was sad, hurt, a little bit angry but mostly he was relieved. It was the way he moved - nearly no traces of the tension that had gathered on his face in the previous weeks.

"Natasha should still train you, some basic hand to hand and weapons training, in case someone has it out for any of us. SHIELD's security has holes, you're basically one of us now. Everyone and their mother saw Clint hauling you to the quinjet," Tony finally grumbled, admitting his defeat. Everyone knew that if it had been up to him, I wouldn't leave the tower without an armed escort at all times. Thankfully, Bruce was there to screw on Tony's bolts right each time he wanted to go overboard. They thought I wouldn't notice, but I did.

Stephen's free hand landed in Tony's hair, the sorcerer effectively calmed both of us down with his gentle, unobtrusive support. He was far more empathetic than he liked to show. "That seems like a smart idea," He rumbled as my eyes began to drift shut once again.

With each steady breath, my heartbeat slowed and the feelings of guilt and dread began to dissipate. Tony might not had forgiven me yet but I was on my way to inner peace once more. I remembered feeling exactly the same way before our relationship, when every time I took a step inside Tony's lab, I tensed inwardly, shielded my feelings from his eyes, too focused on the outcome I thought would be absolutely disastrous. I had always thought he'd laugh at me, and yet... Laying on Steph's chest, inches away from Tony, my past panic seemed ridiculous.

"What's so funny?" Stephen asked, amused.

I didn't even notice the snort that managed to escape me. "Nothing," I answered immediately, feeling my face heat up. Oh my Loki, what kind of an idiot I had been...

"Sure," Tony's finger poked my cheek without preamble. "Staging a world domination plan, aren't we?" He snarked, much more like his usual self.

"I was just remembering when I was so terrified you'd find out I have a crush on you and you'd laugh at me," I mumbled, willing to placate Tony to avoid any more unnecessary lies and deceit.

Tony, did, in fact, laugh at my confession, but so did Stephen and I am pretty sure I heard Bruce snort from the direction of the archway leading into the spacious bedroom. The bed dipped as the scientist sat down, running a palm over my leg.

"I was pretty sure you would laugh at me," He admitted just as quietly and bashfully. Stephen and Tony only laughed harder. I heard the sound of a pillow hitting Steph in the face. "Let's go, Princess, let's leave the mean geezers alone. I made breakfast."

I could practically hear the pout in Bruce's voice and couldn't resist to comply, leaving a grumbling Tony to stretch and roll out of bed like a disgruntled cat.

"You're older than me, Bruce," Stephen rolled his eyes, I could feel his stare linger on my exposed thighs before Bruce picked me up. My sorcerer boyfriend switched to staring at Tony's bare back, which was an action I wholeheartedly supported.

"Cocky bastards," I stuck out my tongue a moment before we turned the corner and then all I could focus on was the feast of gods Bruce had made for us. The man was really too sweet and too kind, he never ceased to make me mushy and stuff. I stole a kiss, and then another one, and another one, until Tony's whining about the toast burning interrupted our moment.

The bread was fine. Tony was just being himself.

Our phones beeped at the same time - mine being already in my hand, as all normal young people did in the mornings - I looked at the message expecting another assemble and feeling my eyebrows crawl up at Steve's suggestion we all get some fresh air that day.

It had snowed. The whole city was covered in white, crisp snow, and Bucky has been liking nothing but other people's snowman pictures for several days. I suspected the brunette had convinced his boyfriend to take him out to build one or something, but as Steve was known to be exceptionally dense at times, Cap'n Jolly had unanimously decided it was a team bonding-slash-relaxing opportunity.

I relayed my thoughts to my own boyfriends, all of us giggling at Steve's eagerness to cater to his boyfriend and his cluelessness when it came to all things romantic. I was tempted to shoot Steve a text explaining his epic gamer moment but before I could even open the app, Bruce's eyes turned green briefly as he had a very obvious internal conversation with Hulk.

"Is that offer to spend time with Hulk still up?" The scientist asked timidly.

I had a lightbulb moment. "Absolutely!" I replied, watching my other two boyfriends. They didn't even bat an eye, evidently at peace with the green situation. "As long as the snowball fight is had with Thor, Steve or other enhanced individuals." Personally, I had no desire to be flipped over by a snowball the size of a watermelon. Or get any of the pretty but cold stuff under my clothes.

Bruce's responding grin was mostly Hulk.

It was a couple of days before Christmas. I was never one much for the holiday season, but something magical had seeped into me - it wasn't the shiny lights throughout the tower, it wasn't Clint's ugly Christmas sweater and the smell of gingerbread cookies and cinnamon that came from Wanda's apartment. I had no clue what it was, but it seemed to be tied to my boyfriends and Loki and many others who lived in the tower.

Bruce was all but wiggling during the car ride to the park - rationally, I knew it was the Hulk being excited but I still couldn't take my eyes off the usually reserved man. Bruce was happy. It made me smile and hold his hand like we were middle-schoolers in love. The rest of the team pretended to not notice it, or maybe they didn't care, or maybe they had already gotten used to my unconventional relationship.

Either way, Bucky had whisked Steve away almost immediately and I did what every kid ever had dreamed of. As Bruce went to a more secluded space to transform into the Hulk and Tony went to retrieve his thermos of coffee, I ushered Sam over to Steve's car and unlocked it, retrieving his shield from the trunk. It was heavier than it looked but did it stop me and Sam from running up the nearest hill and fighting over who gets to go first?

No, it did not. In mere moments, my ass was being frozen to the metal despite my snowsuit as I parked it inside the shield , holding onto the straps as Sam pushed on my back, hollering "Yeet!" at the top of his lungs, sending me in a steep slide towards where Thor was enthusiastically explaining something to the rest of the team.

"Oh shiiiiit!" I screamed, unprepared for the sudden increase in speed and the surprisingly good gliding abilities Captain America's shield possessed. "Watch o-o-out!" I yelled as the group scattered at the last moment. I heard some strong Russian words coming from Natasha, paired with snorts of badly concealed laughter.

The tree line grew closer by the second but the shield had no plans of stopping any time soon. Whoda thunk that things made of vibranium had all the characteristics to be the perfect sled? Something green entered my field of vision, stopping my crazy train with a grunt.

I answered with an oof of my own. One green palm was securely wrapped around me and the other held Steve's shield. "Hello," Hulk snorted, lifting me up like I was but a feather and setting me on his shoulder. "Puny Princess, don't hurt yourself," He stated firmly as I looked down at him, intrigued by the sudden change in his speech patterns. He sounded almost human.

"Hey, Big Guy," I ruffled his hair. "Aren't you cold?"

"No," He replied, setting me onto his shoulder. Hulk appeared to be completely unaffected by the December cold in his purple shorts. I felt my rear end begin to thaw, such was the heat that he emanated from his body. Meanwhile, Hulk caught Steve's eye, preparing to hurl the shield back to the frowning Captain.

Steve caught it effortlessly while Bucky ignored the interaction whatsoever, caught up in rolling an obscenely large ball of snow a ways from the group, tongue all but hanging out in concentration. I caught myself thinking he was gonna build a snow dick instead of a man and it made me feel...

"Wanna build a snowman?" I asked my green companion, rubbing my mittens in excitement.

The Hulk pondered for a brief moment, adopting that mischievous gleem, eyes shooting to Tony and Stephen who stood regally on the side of the clearing, sipping their hot beverages like the adult men that they were supposed to be. I snorted and Hulk echoed the sound, taking quick strides to a patch of land opposite Bucky. "No," Hulk shook his head. "We build a fort. Then smash," The green bean was all but vibrating in excitement.

Realistically, I knew I was gonna get snow stuck in uncomfortable places and might even get knocked over by an overeager person with super strength. But was I gonna pass up an opportunity to show off my superior construction skills? Hell naw.

It wasn't long before Stephen and Tony wandered off to us and began to pile up snow with a resigned huff, unsuccessful in their attempts to rebuff me ordering them around. In the end, we split in three teams, snow flew everywhere and by the time the battle was in peak heat, all of us were cold, wet and red-faced.

"To the death! BLOOD AND VINEGAR!!!" I screeched, hopping up and down after a series of small rapid snowballs I threw hit their target - Steve had a face full of snow and Bucky wasn't faring much better next to him, having had let a few of them hit him in the chest because he was distracted, doubling over in laughter at Steve's indignant, red face.

"You're bloodthirsty," Tony smirked from my side, dumping a fresh batch of ammo between me and Stephen. "It's hot."

@another-stark-sub @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit @littlegasps @pilloclock @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads @hermione-grangers-wife @individualistfem @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95 @gladiosamicitias @warrior1-19 @toomanyrobins

[sw4tch]

I have many thoughts about my bday

Most of them have been caused by events surrounding my bday after all

First of all, the passage of time feels fake. I don't feel any different from what i did the day before.

But i think that's good. I haven't lost myself.

Two, i don't think i talked about it enough but one of my dearest friends sent me a microwave. An entire microwave, just because i was me and i had mentioned i was lacking one in this new place. I still can't believe it, i see it and i go "THIS IS A GIFT??? FOR ME??? IT WAS FOR ME AND NOW ITS MINE???"

It wasn't that it was a microwave, but rather that someone i adore, seems to adore me too, to the point of sending me such a huge gift.

And i couldn't be more happy about it.

Reminders that I'm loved by friends, reminders that somehow I've found amazing friends along the way.

Third, it feels so weird to be loved by people and having good friends you wish you were even closer with. My office pals threw me a small party and bought a huge cake for me. They gave me a gift. They all were happy for me.

It feels so weird for someone like me who spent the entirety of their life trapped in a box and convinced i was unlovable

Even though last year i had great and amazing friends, now having more friends and being celebrated by them still feels weird

I guess mostly bcus they're office friends and still a part of me believes they are my friends by obligation

But they're the sweetest of people. They really are.

I wonder when i will shake off that feeling of inadequacy.

Fourth, i spent my bday a bit... Sad?

Not miserable by any means, specially bcus i got to have breakfast with a friend

But i got bday messages and it was a bit overwhelming

I didn't want to touch my cellphone all day

I was scared to open the messages.

I don't know why, to be honest. I should have been happy.

But i guess it's been difficult lately to accept I've always been loved, that i got to forge friendships despite being trapped in a box, and that ultimately I am loved

I am loved

I am loved

I am loved

For being myself and nothing else

That's terrifying. It's terrifying.

So i spent most of the day holed up in my room and attending responsibilities i imposed myself.

Hiding away from the world, and yet enjoying being it in one year more.

The truth is, i am happy about my birthday.

Heck, i spent an amazing weekend to celebrate it with friends!

And yet, in the quietest moments i can't help but wonder how i made it out alive.

Kicking and scratching we made it out alive.

Bloody and bruised, we took one more step to stay alive.

It's hard to believe I'm still alive.

A friend that does witchy stuff gave me a tarot reading.

Truth is i am skeptical of any and all magics.

They're like the concept of God. Makes me think that if they're real, then the forces turned a blind eye to my suffering all along.

But still, in the moment of the reading, i believed, i believed in it so much because despite everything i am still naive with a naive heart.

He said something along the lines of:

"You have the power of creation.

And this next card tells me you need to come to terms with not having an abundance of material goods.

But this last card tells me that whatever you set your mind to, whatever thing you're struggling with- The outcome is clear.

You're going to win, you will be victorious"

And i want to believe it's true.

I'm gonna win. I'm gonna try. I'll never lose. I'll never die.

I'll never give up. I'll never give in.

Till i won't be abused.

He told me i could ask the cards a question.

I had to ask mentally, not outloud.

I wondered if i could bring my cats home to me.

The cards said Maybe.

What a hurtful answer.

And yet. And yet. And yet.

It's not a No.

Not like it would have stopped me.

But I'm still gonna try.

I have to try.

Here's to more years of Snaily of the future never giving up.

Have i told you how much i love you? That i love you so much? That whenever i think of your resilience, i feel so proud?

You were forged in the dark, and you could have become twisted and monstrous, as twisted and monstrous as those that hurt you

And yet, you still choose to be kind, and good, as much as you can.

And i love that about you.

And i will always love that about you.

When you feel lonely, remember how much i love you.

And how we will definitely fulfill our promise of happiness. For us, and only us.

So here's to a happy birthday, for the most beautiful enby in town ❤

Grandpa would have been proud.

Good night my love, good night my beloved