#but really just in my emotions and wanted to throw love at folks / you all

[stillcominback]

💕

[etheries1015]

Etheries hello! If you're open to requests right now, could you write something for twst where they find out (gender neutral but presumably afab) reader is pregnant with their child? I'd love to request for Azul, Vil, Malleus, and Rollo specifically but any others you think would be fun to write would be fun to read too. Thank you!!

YYYAAAA!!! I LOVE THIS CONCEPT Twst men with children make me so giddy inside hehehehe. Especially the non-humans for some reason, like Fae and Mer folk aosiefjlskadjf

You're pregnant!! Their reaction?

you know what, I decided to throw in how many daughters/sons I'd think they would have, too. For shits and giggles.

Featuring: Azul, Vil, Malleus, and of course I need to add my baby girl Lilia <3 I'm sorry, I really can't write Rollo, I sat here for an hour trying to think of something, but I suppose he is where my creativity halts... my apologies. I hope you like this nonetheless!

General warnings: Afab reader, but no pronouns are used. I feel like there is obvious malleus favoritism because I think he's a huge simp that wants a bunch of babies LMFAOOO, there's so much to write on him. And Lilias is a little bit more on the angsty side of things...but overall fluffy! Not very proofread either <3

Azul

He is BEYOND anxious. More anxious than he had ever felt in his entire life. You? His lovely significant other, pregnant, with HIS child? His offspring?

Almost faints at the news. When you tell him the news, he just stares at you with wide eyes and jaw ajar.

He is happy, truly, but he's honestly a mess. Will this be a mostly human child? Will you be giving birth to an octo-egg? Will they need to be birthed in the water of the sea? So many uknown variables and questions swim in his mind, but his first plan of action is to hug you tightly and sob into your shoulder.

CONSTANT doctor checkups. He's asking you to go more often than they would recommend, but he can't help it. He needs to be 10000% certain that you are going to be okay and find out what form his child will be taking.

Imagine if it's twins, oh my gosh. He would actually faint.

his children will have a never-ending supply of love from Uncle Jade and Uncle Floyd

Weird presents, probably ingesting food from the sea by his recommendation, prenatal potions, and bed rest. If he read it, you were doing it. Your health was his number one priority.

Azul is probably leaning towards a traditional father, going to work and getting as much profit as possible to support you and his children. But of course, he will take a significant amount of time off to help you and any obstacles that come with having a mer-folks child.

On the sweeter side...

His hands will be trembling ever so slightly, with tears in his eyes every time he feels your stomach. He will kiss your stomach, and lay on your lap to be close by. He can't believe he has come so far in life- to the point where he has a beautiful significant other such as yourself and a child on the way.

He worries about many things, finances, being able to get the most out of life, if he will be able to provide for you and this child, and the kind of life his child will have.

Kind of hopes that his child is mostly human. He was bullied for his species, being slow, pudgy, and whatnot. That's not the life he wants for his children if they end up looking more like him.

You're able to calm his nerves, though. All in all, he is incredibly excited to meet his new baby, and will be doing so by his beloveds side <3

I personally see him having one child. Probably a boy, probably an easy baby. I don't think Azul would want more than one child.

Vil

the moment he saw that positive pregnancy test, he had a conflicting wave of emotions.

Of course his outward reaction was to hug you, stroke your head, and pepper your face in kisses. Of course, the news elated him, he seemed calm and collected enough, but there were many worries in his mind.

He doesn't want to accidentally "ruin" his child.

Vil was always in the face of cameras, the face of the public's wary eye, and was hyper-focused on his image and how others may perceive him.

He would hate to accidentally subject his child to the same watchful eye of the public and create this whole image that he needs to be perfect. He wants this child to grow up how they choose, with good values, instead of fearing what may come out of the public opinion.

always hiding you and shielding you from paparazzi. He wanted to hide the news that you were pregnant until later down the line. There are some crazy fans out there, and he would never risk something happening to you. Face masks and disguises were not unknown to you from dating him already at this point, but it was almost as if it came out tenfold.

Rook and Epel = sweetest most doting uncles ever!

Vil had to slap Rook on the head when he felt like Rook was getting a little too handsy with your baby bump.

Epel made sure you had the best batch of apples straight from the farm! Good for the baby, he says!

Vil loves playing music for you and his child, piano, singing...he loves it. it's great bonding for the both of you. He'd hum and sing songs to your stomach while rubbing it gently.

Finances will never pose a problem. Another thing that was never a problem, was Vil going out of his way to take off work and make sure he was there to properly take care of you. You never felt abandoned and alone despite his busy schedule and the fact he was always out doing some sort of movie shoot or commercial, he would never hesitate to take off or call in if you were having a particularly rough day.

Overall, he's excited! He hopes the baby grows up in their own skin and individuality, making choices for themselves when it comes to their career path. And a little side note...he really liked how cute you looked waddling around pregnant with a baby bump. Heuehue.

I can envision you and Vil possibly having two-three children, pretty even in age difference. Depends! I think he would like a big family, get a home with plenty of space. I can see him with both boys and girls, I think I see Vil being a really good "girl dad" tho.

Malleus

absolutely ecstatic. He wanted this so so so bad. He was over the moon. He held back an embarrassing display of giggling and fangirling over the fact he impregnated you, instead opted with a smile and a "Wonderful."

You sometimes wonder if he purposefully did something to result in your pregnancy because I like to think he's a little bit insane like that, but it's okay! You don't mind!

This man wants so. many. kids. Half-fae Half human children run around the castle bringing it to life and showing off the world the unity between humans and faes. He doesn't care if anyone else doesn't agree with this, he on the other hand is absolutely bemused by you and the fact you are bearing his children.

Will they come out as eggs needing to be hatched? How long will it take to hatch with your nonmagical side? Will they have mostly human attributes? Will his fae genetics be so dominant that it's like a bunch of little copies of him? Will his child have your ears and his eyes? and vise versa? will his child come out looking just like he did, in a full dragon form, or will his child come out like a normal human? He has asked ALL of these questions and more. He is so excited.

Buys a lot of clothes, builds rooms in the castle (yes, rooms. because he knows you will have more of his children and wants to be prepared.) "Can never have enough to be prepared for all outcomes," He says. Whatever floats his boat, I suppose!

Appoints the most skilled doctors there is in the Valley. You are always, without a doubt, taken care of. He reads piles upon piles of parenting books, he's always by your side, to the point where sometimes he brings you into important meetings just to be sure you were in his sights.

He vows his children will never feel the crushing lonliness he did as a child. He vouches to always be availble to have meals with his children, to play with his children, and be active in their learning process. He will allow them to travel all over and gain knowledge, and be certain they will never feel like they are missing out on anything.

He LOVES your baby bump. At night in bed he will press his ear up against your stomach, rub it, kiss it, talk to it. He is so infatuated with you and your body. Kisses every single stretch mark, and his hands are all over you. Seeing you pregnant with his child stirs up some sort of desire to keep you that way, but he tries to...push down this part of him. For the most part. Heuheu.

And when you two are sleeping, his dragon tail always comes out to wrap around you protectively. It's his way of making sure both of you are safe through the night because sevens forbid anything happens to his beloved and their child(ren).

Honestly, I am a firm believer that Malleus would have twins, for some reason. Two hatchlings! Together! A boy and a girl. (I have a whole fic idea for this...you'll probably see it one day. heuheu.) or two boys. I think it would be super chaotic with two twins with big draconic features and attitudes, alot of running around and mischief in the house!! He would of course go on to have more children with you. I think it may become an addiction for him. Or not! I can also see him being content with two.

Lilia

Honestly, when you first gave him the news, he was uncertain how to feel. He inquired if you were serious,him raising a child at his age? He wasn't certain he'd be able to do it. He raised Silver, and now that his magic reserves were dwindling, he was worried he wouldn't be able to fully be there for you and your baby.

"Lilia...i'm pregnant." Once those words left your lips, his normal silly demeanor dropped slightly. He had a thoughtful look upon his face, eyes wide staring at you. He asked if you were certain, and it was initially a long and deep discussion about your future together and how things will pan out.

After talking it out, a few tears and heartfelt moments, Lilia smiled brightly and gave you the biggest hug and kiss on the cheek. He started to become a little more excited! And once you shared the news with Silver, Malleus, and Sebek, they were more than happy to pitch in a helping hand.

Honestly, I think as he saw your baby bump grow, so did his excitement. He of course loved the children he adopted more than anything in the entire world, but something about looking at you holding your tummy full of his very own blood, it felt...different.

He was nervous, for sure. This was a child that was going to carry his lineage, his very own DNA coursing through that baby. He wasn't sure how things would turn out but prayed that this baby would have a life of peace and acceptance, unlike his war-filled days and alienation for being a lesser type of fae.

He was OBSESSED with how you looked pregnant. He could get used to this sight, you waddling around, swollen feet... for more in-depth details about how he felt about you being pregnant, you can take a read at this fic I wrote a while ago about it. All in all, he pampers you to death. Rubbing your feet, kissing your stomach, tracing your stretch marks with his fingers...oh he could truly get used to this.

He does fear what the future may hold. He wants all of his children to see him at his strongest, not to see him slowly give into old age as his magic fades to nothing. You may have to reassure him a few times throughout your pregnancy that you and this child will love him no matter what, and remind him that YOU are magicless as well. And Lilia would make an amazing father, with or without his "power." It's his personality and determination as an amazing, child-loving figure that will give this child a life to look forward to.

Once he gets over the insecurities about becoming a father to a new half-fae, half-human baby, he starts to dig up old parenting books he used to have.

He will give this baby, and you, as much love as he possibly can <3\

I can see Lilia with a girl! Probably just one baby, because he can only handle so much anymore! He would be an AMAZING girl dad. He would be a great father regardless of the gender of the baby, but I can really see him with a daughter for some reason. The visions are strong with this one.

[vitaminseetarot]

PAC: Random Messages You May Need 🌈🎆⛅

Sup, y'all. I'm finally back for another pick a card reading. I really apologize if folks have not heard from me over the past month, I meant to get this reading (among other things) out a while ago. I have not been able to touch tarot for the past few weeks. Life has been… topsy turvy, to say the least. Heh heh. [sweating profusely]

I meant to have another game out and to have paid readings available by now--that is still part of the plan. What was meant for June will be in July. So this blog might go from 0 to 100 mph real soon, to move along with plans as intended!

I was loosely inspired by the Baker pride flag from 1978 for this group selection. These piles are pretty nondescript: each one contains a random message that may resonate with you. Pick based on whichever color of the Prism Oracle speaks to you most, and feel free to choose more than one. Take only what resonates.

Pile 1 - Strength (Red) Pile 2 - Happiness (Orange) Pile 3 - Illumination (Yellow) Pile 4 - Movement (Green) Pile 5 - Flow (Turquoise) Pile 6 - Trust (Blue) Pile 7 - Intuition (Violet) Pile 8 - Love (Pink)

Pile 1 - Strength (Red)

10 of Swords, Insight

You've been asked by the universe to put up with a lot, especially recently. You're reaching a finish line of a very long and brutal marathon. There have been too many times where you questioned whether or not to throw in the towel. If you have, you may also have questioned whether or not it was the correct choice. Sometimes, things don't work out, and it's better to move on. It can be difficult to hold everything up when one thing after another seems to fall apart at the seams, but either way you're being reminded of the light at the end of this long and turbulent tunnel.

Collect yourself, pick up what pieces you can. Time has shifted everything, but the essentials still stand. Gather the wisdom you have learned from this ordeal. There is still beauty to be found in the decay, glittering gems in the rough.

Maybe you don't want to get stronger. Healing may feel like a better option than grinding for difficult experience points. Give yourself the rest and repair you need. Let go of only that which is keeping you from starting again, but you don't need to throw the baby out with the bathwater. You've gained so much wisdom and strength, this trial wasn't without gain. Treasure it and begin anew.

Pile 2 - Happiness (Orange)

2 of Swords, Clarity

Whatever answers you seek are coming to you. Or perhaps they've already arrived; open your eyes and see for yourself. You may be wondering which path will satisfy you more. The process of reconciling this could take forever unless you lean on your gut here. This can't be decided based on intellect alone, for you could get stuck mulling it over for days. Imagining all the different possible outcomes could be taxing for your brain, so narrow it down. Eliminate the weakest links and home in on what excites you. It should feel like an "aha, yes!"

If you cannot see the answer right away, go within to the realm of imagination. Feel your way through. Visualize not just with sight but with yearning. Does the light of the sun make you feel hopeful? Does the cool rain make you feel relaxed? Would an art class expand your capacity to imagine many things, or would taking a science class?

The X mark in 2 of Swords is like a railroad crossing sign. Redirect that train of thought into brighter and more positive avenues of expression. Say "what if" as if you can't wait for something to happen. "What if I saw a shooting star tonight? What if my cute neighbor asked me out?" Let the future shine its beacon for you. It will all make sense in due time.

Pile 3 - Illumination (Yellow)

Ace of Cups, Reconciliation

Have you been staying up way too late trying to figure everything out? Please give yourself a brain curfew: no problem solving or saving the day after 10 pm! I'm getting that you may tend to ruminate on the same strong emotions. For some I'm getting that there is a crush here. There's inconsistent text messaging. I know it's easy to get too nervous about their reply, but try to wait until at least the next day to hear back. They may need time to formulate their words right. They may not even see your message straight away. Take it all in stride and sleep on it; if they want to reach out to you, then they eventually will.

For others in this pile, you may be going through a rough patch with another person right now and could be wondering how things will pan out. Give them time to respond, they could still be processing it. Stay on the more positive end of things with the idea that things will work themselves out. I feel like if you can manage this in a relaxed and non hurried way, the knot will untangle easily. The coffee in the Ace of Cups is very hot, so give it a chance to cool.

There is opportunity in your near future to make up for something that went awry due to a miscommunication error. You may get a chance to make up for a test, appointment, or an interview. You will receive grace for any mishaps. Remember that tomorrow won't necessarily be the same as today, so cherish both the good you have now along with the good that soon awaits you.

Pile 4 - Movement (Green)

IX Hermit, Devotion

Looks like things are progressing faster than you even thought they would. You may be blinking your eyes in partial disbelief: could this ball really be rolling? Indeed, thanks to your efforts, goals are being met and results are more evident by the day. You eschewed a lot of distractions to make this work, so give yourself a pat on the back for the level of commitment you put into it. Some of you in this pile may have just graduated, if so then congratulations! But try not to get too comfortable with your laurels, for you have a long road ahead of you in whatever you do next. This one completion is the start of many.

Does that thrill you? If so, wonderful! On the other hand, some of you may be feeling uncertain about continuing. You may be reviewing your options to see if this really is worth pursuing. Something that requires a lot of dedication and focus on it to the exclusion of all else… yeah, I can see how that can get tiring after a long time. There are folks who can get their Master's right after their Bachelor's, or have another child right after the first, but people can also happily move on to what feels more right for them instead.

It's okay to stop and assess your tracks if necessary. Taking time off is not the same as quitting. It's not losing motivation, it's recovering it. This is your passion and your discipline, not anyone else's. If you need to give other parts of your life more room to breathe, then do so with the confidence that your great work will wait for you.

Pile 5 - Flow (Turquoise)

4 of Wands, Hospitality

Have you been stuck with something for a while? There's a strong sense of a blockage that is being eroded away over time. This process can be sped up by allowing the ice to thaw a little more. "Break the ice." You may be wanting to open up and spend more quality time with other people but don't know how. Or you could be faced with meeting new people and being nervous about interacting with them. Even more so if they're roommates. A few people in this pile could be moving or have just moved. This is a chance to ease up and get to know new people.

This blockage could be a result of the past and of anxiety. The sound of a turning doorknob just jumpscared me as I typed the last sentence. You may benefit from learning about social anxiety and how to manage it. It's not an overnight job for you to fix this, though, but to just be aware of it and not allow it to get in the way of positive change in your life.

If you're struggling to figure out how to deal with meeting new people, I would suggest looking up videos or how-tos on social interaction, especially if a certain etiquette is required for an event. Learn about conversation starters and fun things you could do together like hosting a game night. Practice makes perfect, and over time the blockage will melt into the stream.

Pile 6 - Trust (Blue)

3 of Swords, Conversion

You have a very soft and tender outlook on life, which makes it all the more painful when reality doesn't conform to such a compassionate vision. It doesn't always try to respond to vulnerability in appropriate ways. Much of the time, this isn't from natural events as much as it stems from the ways in which people can treat one another cruelly. You've had some toxic people in your life who have put you through the wringer and attempted to squeeze every ounce of kindness they could from you. Making light of this pain to them only resulted in further deflection and antagonism on their part. The only outcome was to salvage whatever you could and pray for the best.

It is not your job to change their closed minded perspectives. They're on their own, here. Do not concern yourself with their messy inner world and lose any more of your energy. Also, do not attempt to regain what energy has been lost through bargaining either, as much as it hurts to press onward without looking back. You will recover, but you have to move on first and prioritize what you deeply care about most (you included).

There will come a time when your heart will be healed so you can see the brighter side of human connection again. All the beauty that your gentle soul is seeking is still there, shrouded by layers of protective petals that will one day bloom again and your life will truly flourish. For now, this is a time to give yourself all the comfort you can.

Pile 7 - Intuition (Violet)

XII Hanged Man, Spring

I get the feeling that you've been waiting quite a while for some good results to come in. This could either be from something that you started back in the spring, or are waiting to see results which may come around springtime. It is a season of flowers, so you may be waiting for this thing to blossom--that is, to be fully presentable to the public in some way. To have something to show for the time you put in. Like "hey, this is what I've been working on, this came from the seeds I planted." It could be growing in a direction unlike what you're used to, leaving you wondering how it could succeed in such unusual and burdensome conditions.

Lean on your inner guidance when it comes to the right timing. I don't believe that you're currently in a space where you need to push so hard for the best results. You can let things move at their own pace. Over tending to anything can end up in just as much trouble as neglect. There's only so much you can do before you have to let the flower do the growing and blooming for itself.

It's not always easy to sit in the place of uncertainty with the idea that doing more will provide more. But sometimes less is more. What you're creating is coming to fruition and may even turn out better than you expected. Trust in both the knowledge you've earned over time from learning lessons, as well as your natural intuition, to help you decide when it's time to take action.

Pile 8 - Love (Pink)

7 of Swords, Gossip

Let your heart lead the way here, not your worries over what others will think. Sure, you may end up with some people talking about you, but opportunities will keep passing by if you wait for everyone else to catch up to you. Leaning too much on everyone else's perspectives will only distort the vision you have for your own life journey. We all have unique journeys to go on, but unconditional kindness remains at the center of the Love card, the one thing that brings us together. Following life from a heart centered place may result in having others glance over and whisper, but that shouldn't distract you.

There is a rather delicate message here about dealing with friendships, colleagues, or possibly even family. You may have a tricky situation between several other people right now who have beef not with you but with each other. They may be coming to you to air their grievances and ask for advice.

If you care about both of these people, then it's best to approach this issue as diplomatically and impartially as possible and avoid feeding into the conflict. What would an enlightened mindset do in this situation? How would you want the other person to behave if they were in your shoes? Come from a place of pure compassion. They may choose to make amends or not, it's up to them. If their butting heads is bringing you down, it's always okay to step back and take a break. You are not responsible for what's going on in their heart, only your own, so protect yours well.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2024, @VitaminseeTarot ™

[novantinuum]

Fandom: Steven Universe Rating: Teen Audiences Words: 1.7K~ Summary: In which Steven opens up to Peridot a little about his anxieties surrounding his recent “pink episodes.” Peridot thinks she can help him determine the root cause of this problem, but Steven— marooned amidst age-old insecurities and his fears of hurting those he loves— still isn’t convinced he wants anyone’s help.

Finished up a lil' short fic I've had the dialogue sketched out for since 2020.

Enjoy, folks!

__

“So, have you always glowed pink in your sleep like that…?” Peridot asks out of nowhere later that morning, pulling his attention away from the sordid, pulpy mess of a Great Northern teen drama playing on the television set.

Thoroughly thrown off by this query, Steven serves her an awkward half-laugh, scratching at the wispy hairs at the nape of his neck. “Erm, I—”

“Because I don’t remember it happening on any of those nights you used to spend with us at the barn. And as a Gem, my memory should be perfect.”

“Nah, you’re right,” he says with a bit of a weary sigh. “This is new. I, uh- I don’t really know why it’s happening. In fact…” Inhaling deep, he tries to ignore the tittering background distraction of TV characters Jazmin and Rodrigo’s latest stupid conflict as he considers how best to describe his latest predicament. This isn’t exactly a conversation that’s well suited as an aside while watching a show, but he doesn’t want to make a huge deal out of it. “To be honest, it’s kinda become a bit of a problem, lately.”

She tilts her head. “A problem? In what way?”

“Um, I— I can’t exactly control it,” he admits. “Whenever I turn pink, I’m faster, I’m stronger, but… I don’t like the way it makes me feel. I don’t like the thought of even carrying this kind of strength. And unlike all my other powers, I don’t have a single clue what emotion triggers it or why it’s happening in the first place.”

He nibbles at the inside of his lower lip, considering this quandary. Everything about his powers has felt… different, since that encounter with Jasper in the woods a few months back. More unmanageable. More… volatile. For a time he assumed that life was done throwing him new extensions to his hybrid ability, but with every unimaginable feat he’s achieved lately— the capacity to hurl another Gem miles into the sky… a sprint so fast the surrounding world slows to a screeching halt around him… a scream so potent it can shatter the floor, leaving nothing but a wide crater in its wake— it becomes more and more clear that the diamond at his core has only just begun to reveal the true magnitude of its potential energy. 

And stars, that terrifies him. 

He’s not used to holding his power back, he’s not used to such a lack of control. He may have spent his entire childhood fighting to hone these abilities he inherited into something useful, yes, but he didn’t want this.

Peridot hums thoughtfully, her fingers perched upon her chin. “Well, maybe we can figure that out!”

His brow creases inwards. “Huh-? What are you—”

“Like you just said, all your other powers are modulated by your emotions,” she points out, throwing her arms into a casual shrug. “I’m incredibly knowledgeable about the composition and development of Gems, and you know about all the human feelings stuff! Your problem with this ability is clearly built upon the complex interactions between your Gem and organic makeup, so the most logical choice would be to build an experiment out of it. I bring the necessary genius and my tech,” she says with a beaming grin, her excitement growing more palpable with each and every word, “and you bring your experience! I’m sure if we work together we can learn something about this new power of yours.”

“I-I…” he stammers, shoulders seizing tight as the fullest intent of her idea finally washes over him. “No!”

Her face plummets in an instant, his blunt dismissal stripping the winds of enthusiasm right out of her sails.

“O-oh. I just thought… since you helped me try to fix CPH,” she gestures towards today’s entertainment of choice, still running, “maybe I could sorta… return the favor for you?”

Heart hammering in his ribcage, Steven grinds his fingers into fists at his side. 

“I don’t need to be fixed!” he insists, almost feeling sick to his stomach as that damned glowing pallor rises under his cheeks again anyways, a rote betrayal of all his futile claims. “Didn’t we just decide that’s the whole point of us hanging out now? That we don’t have to fix anything anymore?”

“Well, yeah, but—”

“I’m fine, okay?” he snaps. “Really. I’m fine. I don’t need your help!”

Interrupting their long-forgotten entertainment, the television turns to static.

He gasps, tension wresting command of his every limb as he slams his hands over his mouth, wracked with embarrassment. H-he… oh geeze, he did it again, didn’t he? He raised his voice. He lost control, he snapped to pink. His breath hastens, rising to match the hurried, erratic tempo of all the excess energy currently surging through his hard-light veins like an untempered wildfire. 

“Steven—?” Peridot utters, her features twisting with undeserved concern. 

The white noise all but dominates his mind. Eyes growing glassy, his scattered perception hones in on the subtle threads of a second emotion evident within the Gem’s worried gaze, an emotion that strips the air straight from his lungs and makes him literally want to scream in his regret:  

Apprehension. 

Fear.

Considering all the horrid mistakes he’s made these past few weeks (graduation… his cactus… the mess he made of the Reef…), his lip trembles at the mere notion. 

His own friend, afraid of him.

Gosh, he could’ve… he almost—

“I-I…” he stammers, scrambling to his feet. “I’ll be right back.”

Head buzzing with the oppressive specter of all manners of horrid what-ifs, he books it down the stairs and barricades himself inside the bathroom. Quivering hands fumble to lock the door. H-he… he just… he just needs to be alone when he gets like this, all tense and pink, every last sense locked on overdrive, his neural pathways swirling with a sense of terminal dread… his chest rising and falling so fast and heavy that there’s nothing else he can do— no quick salve to this panicked predicament— but sink to the floor like the shambling disaster he is and ride this wave out. It’s the only option he’s got. It’s the only way he can make this nauseating pallor recede back into the branching channels of the damned gem it came from. It’s the only thing he’s bodily capable of doing to guarantee he won’t unintentionally hurt someone like his own mother did.

(He’s assailed by an abrasive, neon pink as his shoulders scrunch inwards, all but powerless to stop that infernal barrier as it pinches ever smaller… his friends calling out, pleading for his help—)

Like he nearly did, too.

Slowly but surely… step by harrowing step… he’s almost beginning to grow afraid of himself.

A timid knock at the door blessedly interrupts his spiraling ruminations. Draws all that volatile energy back to his core as he breathes real slow, in and out, that eerie glow dissipating entirely.

It’s Peridot. 

Because of course it is. 

Because she’s too good a friend to not check up on him, even after such an unprompted expression of rudeness. 

“Just a minute,” he says with a bit of a crack in his voice, dragging himself back up to his feet and crossing to the sink to wash his hands as if to naïvely delude himself (and her, really— but he doubts there’s a single universe that exists where she’s gullible enough to fall for such a petty deceit) that he came here to use the restroom instead of the far more pathetic reality.

And sure enough, when he pushes the door open and shuffles out into the living area, her normally affable and carefree expression is streaked with palpable worry. Well, shucks. So much for attempting to downplay his embarrassing little freak out.

Sighing heavy, he gives up the chase. 

“I’m so, so sorry for yelling at you. That wasn’t very kind of me, you were only trying to help. I just—” he pauses to dab away a stray tear threatening to leak from the very corner of his eyes— “gosh, I really don’t wanna feel like I’m burdening you with all of my personal nonsense.”

She frowns as she gazes up at him, shaking her head in blunt disagreement. “I don’t think you’re a burden.”

Steven shoves his hands into the pockets of his pajama pants, his glance skirting away. “Thanks for the assurance, but… right now, it’s really hard for me to believe tha—”

Before he can so much as finish his sentence, his friend surges forwards. He genuinely can’t help the shaky little inhale he makes as her arms wrap tight around his torso, digits sinking in to the fabric of his shirt and her cheek pressed flush against his chest. 

“Steven?” she begins with a dash of timidity, her voice a bit muffled in the throes of their gentle embrace. “It’s okay if you’re not okay. Sometimes… I’m not okay either.”

“Peridot, I-I didn’t—”

“Even now, I… I’m still really insecure about my status as an Era 2 Gem,” she continues, the lingering ache of this admission more than evident within the subtle warble of her tone. “About my diminished height, mostly. And my lack of certain standard abilities. But now, I have so many friends to help me through those feelings. And so do you!” she blurts out before he can even dare to protest otherwise. “Y’know—? I… I’m sorry for pushing the matter earlier. If you’re not ready to talk about any of this, I understand. But if you ever are ready… I’m here.”

Steven exhales slow and shakily, forcing himself to glide past all those skewed, battered mental instincts— instincts that are screaming for him to reject her offered affections and simply bolt away— to sink into her offered hug. His own grip tightens around her petite form. He clears his throat, pushing past all those nauseating layers of shame to express his actual feelings. 

Daring to be brave. Daring to assert some of his genuine desires for once in his life, even if the only desires he can attach concrete meaning to at the moment are just an appeal for distraction, a craving for nothing but tiny, frivolous morsels of entertainment:

“Do you… maybe wanna finish that episode with me before you head back to Little Homeworld?”

“Hah!” she barks with laughter, her features lighting up like a bulb again. “You think you have to ask? Of course I still wanna watch more CPH! Go, go, go, go, go!” she chants, shooing him back up the stairs with a fervent wave of her arms. “Rodrigo can’t make fun of himself!”

[sapphicmsmarvel]

feyre: lost and found

i cried multiple times writing this LOL (i’m dying inside) 

this is me trying to heal the inner child that just wanted her siblings around. may my sister rest in peace and my brother can rot in hell (he’s not dead, just to me). 

tw: talks about addiction, drinking alcohol to numb thoughts, death of a sibling, abandonment of another sibling. 

noted: platonic use of “baby”. Unless you have a crush on Feyre then it can be romantic.

anyway i feel like i need to submit this one to my therapist. 

A very bittersweet moment for you was watching your friends with their siblings. You tried not to get emotional when you saw Feyre and Elain baking together. Or Nesta and Feyre friendly bickering. 

Even their not-so-friendly bickering was emotional for you.  

The normalcy. Having someone you know deep down who won’t turn on you for saying the wrong thing. 

You’d do anything to have an inside joke with your brother. For your sister to be alive let alone argue with her again. 

You felt guilty for having those thoughts. Jealousy. What kind of friend is jealous because their friend's sibling isn’t dead? 

You felt broken. 

It was a party, some random one the Inner Circle decided to throw. Nothing special, or else you would’ve felt really guilty.

After a while, your thoughts got to you. About how you should have these moments with your sister still and never will again. How your brother left you in the dust. And now you work for the Night Court. 

Suck my balls folks

You thought as you tipped the wine bottle into your mouth. 

Oh yeah, you’re drinking. You don’t drink. Not because of an addiction, it just tastes nasty. But you needed something to quiet the noise. You grabbed a bottle of Rhys’ fancy shit. 

Blegh, it was horrid. But it was something. 

Eventually, Feyre found you sitting against the balcony in her study. You needed somewhere quiet. It was the end of the night anyway. But seeing her happy with her sisters overwhelmed you in a way that made you feel horrible.  

“Hey.” She knocked against the open door and leaned slightly on the doorframe. 

You tipped the bottle to her, “hello.” 

“You have your inner monologue face on. What's up?” She stepped closer to you. 

She walked through the terrace doors to where you were leaning against the brick balcony. 

“I’m fine, Fey.” You said as she stopped in front of you. 

“And I'm human.”

“What?” You asked incredulously. 

She shrugged. “Thought we were telling lies now.” 

You couldn’t help but snort as she sat next to you. 

“You’re drinking. That means it’s bad.” She nudged your knee with her own. 

Yeah. She had you there. 

“My mind is loud.” You swallowed. The bitter gross wine taste. 

“About what?”

“It’s…” You shook your head. “You’re going to think I'm a bitch.” 

“You’re my bitch.” She joked. It was rare to see the High Lady so jokey. She had a hidden side not many saw. 

She was a little shit. 

You did a breathy laugh through your nose. “Okay fair point.”

“Seriously, what happened?” 

“Promise you won’t hate me?”

“Yes.” She rolled her eyes. 

“Promise?” 

“Pinky.” She answered and held her pinky up which you grasped. 

You took a deep breath. “I just, I'm jealous.”

“Of?”

“You and your sisters.”

“What do you mean?”

“I would do anything to have had a true sibling. I mean I did. I had two. One preferred drugs over her family, then she died. My brother left to god knows where. Completely abandoned me to pick up the pieces of the puzzle my sister destroyed. I had to help raise her kids, keep some normalcy. And yeah I had my parents and friends. But, I would’ve done anything to have had a sibling my age. On the same level. Going through the exact same scenario and they would know the exact way I felt. I wanted a partner in crime.” 

Feyre was silent which spurred you on. “I know you three didn’t always get along. But, you still would always have each other's back. My own siblings stabbed me in mine. I am alone.”

“Were.”

“What?”

“You were alone. You have us.”

“And I love you all. But it’s not the same. I’m grateful for the found family, but it would be nice to have some blood family that actually likes me.” Even your cousins, aunts and uncles never really liked you. But that’s a different story to unpack that you don’t have energy for. 

She didn’t have anything to say, because she knew there wasn’t anything to say. She knew nothing she could say would help you. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have unloaded all of this-“

“Shush.” She said, pulling you into a hug. “I’m just sorry that I don't know how to help.”

“That’s the thing Fey. You can’t. Nobody can. This is my life and I need to make my peace with it.” Your voice wobbled. “It’s not fair.” 

It was silent for a moment, you managed to subdue the crying until she said, “I got you, baby. Let it all out.” 

“It's not fair.” You cried harder and she held you tighter. Her chin was on your bent neck, your face in her elbow. One harm was holding your head while the other rubbed your shoulder. Her scent of lilacs and pears washing over you. Grounding you just a bit. 

The childhood birthday parties where neither sibling showed up. The arguing that would ensue when they did show—as rare as it was. Your fathers’ drinking problem. Your mother smiling like everything was okay for the one child that deserved better—you. She was protecting you. She would have loved her step-kids (your technically half siblings) if they had treated her kindly. You are her whole heart. 

The gifts your siblings would buy you last minute. While you were grateful for those gifts, they weren’t meant for you. Half-assed comments and broken promises beating down on your already distrustful heart. 

As you cried into Feyre’s arms, she vowed then and there that nobody would ever hurt you again. She knew she couldn’t ‘heal’ you. She didn’t want to, because you were never broken to begin with. 

“It’s their loss.” She whispered. But she knew you heard it. “It’s their loss, Y/N. Always will be. You are loving, supportive, protective. You are magnetic. You encapsulate the feeling of safety and comfort.”

You sniffed, your tears staining her sleeves as you buried into the crook of her elbow. 

“I wasn’t a good enough reason for them to stick around.” You mumbled. 

“One of the best things that could’ve happened to me was meeting you.” Her voice was thick, as if she was hiding her tears. But you felt the warmth of her tears hit your neck as they dripped down her cheeks. “I can’t take away your pain. But I can hold you through it. It would be my honor to do so.” 

She would hold that promise until her dying days, she knew it and so did you. 

“I am not leaving you. Understood?”

You nodded. 

“Good. Because I need you.” She gave you a squeeze. “We all need you. You keep us afloat, sane. You give the best hugs.” 

You let out a small, watery laugh at that. 

You two pulled away from each other, you rested your foreheads together. It broke her heart seeing your puffy eyes and red skin, tears from those who did not deserve you. 

She whispered into the night, into you. “You may have been lost, but now you’re found.”

[anthropologyruinseverything]

Summerslam venting - my opinions are based on personal experiences and feelings.

I’m a Roman fan but honestly this is getting old and stale and I’ll completely lose interest if he isn’t at Summerslam. (And listen, for a dude with his health issues I’d be happy to hear he was gonna mostly retire and make movies. Get your paper while you can babe!) I agree with a number of folks here that they’ve missed so much in regard to tension building between Roman and Solo. I just don’t care. And of course he’s gonna cheat against Cody. It’s a classic bad guy vs. the hero set up.

At least they gave Damian something to fight for. I am loving the new angle. But if he loses to a N@z* who called him street trash I’m gonna throw up because you’re just not hiding it at this point. Fair warning, you will not find any love for Gunther on my page. Yes, he’s great at what he does but until his character changes I’m not cheering. (Stood across the protest line from too many of the real-deal bad guys who sing his praises online at this point.)

Rhea’s gonna have to face the monster she herself created in Liv. I’m interested in the long term implications for Judgement Day and her relationship with Dominik. But it’s Mami’s fault so it’ll be satisfying to see what happens and I have faith in these performers to put on an amazing show.

Bayley and Nia lacks the same level of emotion but I also think it will be a great match. Nia is better than a lot of people give her credit for and with this last title run Bayley has won me over. Normally I leave the room when Tiffany Stratton is on the television so hopefully her fake ass won’t be too involved.

Drew, Punk and Seth will be fun to watch but they’ve screwed with other storylines so many times I’m just ready for it to be over. I think the highlight will be Seth’s outfit.

I want Sami to beat Bron. I’m a sucker for heart and hard work paying off. Bron is Goldberg 2.0 and I find him just as interesting as his predecessor, meaning I’d rather watch paint dry. He’s got potential so I hope they don’t stick with the angry meathead persona for long. I figure they’re setting Sami up to lose, probably due to being drawn back into Bloodline mess with Jey. It would be almost okay if he and Jey got a nice run as a tag team together.

Side note if you made it this far:

I was so excited for Jey’s single run. It’s personal and I know that’s silly but I FOUGHT TOOTH AND NAIL to escape an abusive family and make a life for myself. It really spoke to me to see him do the same sort of thing. And now, it’s all been wasted because he’s almost assuredly been nuked at every turn so he can go back to the Bloodline drama. He deserves better, deserves a better singles story and a title. It’s sad he probably won’t ever get it at this point. Like I said before, I will watch a different promotion if he goes to it.

Anyway, thanks for listening. My couple of 7 day, 18hr a day work weeks are coming to a close so I’ll have way more time to work on my fanfics and novels. I’m considering entry to a competition for some of my original stories so I may post a few blurbs for feedback. If you’re waiting for a request or just a story update, that’s what I’ll be working on! Some very much needed stress relief.

Thanks for giving me some space to share my thoughts and my work!

[worriedvision]

HEI HI HELLO! I just found this idea whilst scrolling and you where the first person that came to mind that could write it (if your up for it of course!) :

"scaramouche trying to get a rise out of you and make you fight for his attention by constantly bringing up Haypasia around you, then getting annoyed when you don’t do that and just distance yourself from him because you’re too sad about it to be around him " By @/holydayaria

HOPE YOUR DOING WELL <3

Okay so I decided to reach out to @holydayaria to make sure I got the okay to do this request since I really loved this idea but ofc I wanted to make sure the person who had the idea was okay with someone else writing it!

---

"Ah, my first follower is so devoted to me." Scaramouche gushes, a smirk on his face as he, once again, begins to talk about Haypasia. "My devoted follower certainly has got my attention, her willingness to follow me of all gods. Hey, I'd say she is the best first follower any God could get, so this only indicates what kind of god I will be!"

You don't dignify any of that with a response, getting frustrated that this scholar who Scaramouche knew for a fraction of the time he knew you. You had been following him like a loyal dog for all this time, been with him when he's been at his less than ideal moments. You went against your original work to go along with him when he asked you if you wanted to be his temporary pet.

"You should take some pointers from my dear follower, you know?" He sneers, that stupid smirk still on his pretty face. "My devoted follower does not expect anything in return, as they know the privilege of knowing of my godly presence."

He's watching you out of the corner of his eye, looking for any sign of frustration. Maybe a fist tightening, a huff, maybe you crossing your arms together and scowling at him.

But he saw absolutely nothing from you.

"My devoted follower would show me some compassion in a moment like this, you know?" He smirks, walking away as he doesn't look back, expecting you to follow along like a seelie.

-

Except you had enough.

You had enough of him being vocally ungrateful for you being there for him. Sure, you weren't a 'follower' in the way Haypasia was, but you had become entertainment of sorts for him. Ever since she showed up in his life, he started to compare you to her all the time. How dare you not be a follower, how dare you simply be a companion.

It was exhausting to hear it all the time, and the way he was walking away from you with that confident stride that told you he just knew you were going to follow him. He must have been hoping for you to shout at him, maybe even throw something at him - anything to show it hurt.

But now, after hearing the constant comparing, you had become completely numb. Your life as a fatui agent, down the drain now thanks to him. You ruined your once respectful reputation for him, and you didn't even know why.

There was one place you could have a chance at, however, if you said the correct words. One place where you could possibly become a respectful member of society instead of someone dependent on one beings presence.

You nod to yourself before you walk towards the Avidya forest. They seemed to always be desperate for more folk, and you were trained to fight. Scaramouche had given you clothes so you weren't in uniform, and if you found the right person you could possibly disclose your previous work.

--

Scaramouche stopped walking after a good twenty minutes, turning around and opening his mouth to make a jab at you. Oh, Haypasia would certainly give him much better entertainment than silence. She wouldn't take his comments so personally, you needed to grow a backbone. You should be grateful Scaramouche kept you around even after Haypasia became his first follower instead of you.

But you weren't there.

Scaramouche thinks you're just being petty, that you'll come running back to him, and you'll apologise to him and beg him for forgiveness for being too emotional.

That also does not happen. No matter how long he waited, he heard nothing from you, and of course he never saw you around. He'll refuse to admit it, but he put effort into looking for you - and he never found you.

He would take it to his grave, but he realised how much he missed you.

[roo-bastmoon]

Incredibly lucky to even be here

I just realized, exactly one year ago today (May 11th) I was diagnosed with endometrial stromal sarcoma and given less than a 34% chance of survival. I'm incredibly, miraculously lucky to be well and cancer-free today. I owe that to my amazing doctors, and also in a small way to BTS.

The moment I got told I had cancer, I immediately decided to only entertain thoughts of complete health and victory. It was a pure and immediate defense mechanism and I stuck to it. So no sad songs or movies or TV shows. No online drama. No negative nellies or naysayers. No stressful projects at work. No arguments, no entanglements, no regrets.

For months, I would focus only on laughter and quality time with loved ones and things that brought me joy, even as I had to deal with practical stuff like creating a will and a pet trust and filling out life insurance forms and undergoing test and surgeries.

BTS (and Jimin, as my "recruiter") gave me moments of grace and beauty and art and warmth and giggles--and kind ARMYs gave me a sense of belonging and community, especially during a dark and terrifying time, when in the quiet of the early morning hours, the sense that my own body was my worst enemy would eat at all my mental defenses. I could switch on my phone, go to the timeline, and ARMY and BTS would be there.

If I seem to be very Pollyanna-ish or boringly polite these days, it's because I decided one year ago to focus on what I want instead of giving energy to what I don't. I know bad things are very real and they need to be confronted--of course! But I also know that depression, anger, and fear can erode the myelin sheath wrapped around our nerve endings and weaken the walls in the chambers of our hearts; that toxic emotions can bleach our hair of color and rob our nails and skin of suppleness; that negativity can lengthen our immuno-response times to bruises and cuts.

So if other folks get a thrill, a hit of adrenaline, from drama and trash talking in our fandom, more power to them, I guess. It must serve them in some way I don't understand. Me? I find meanness and pettiness draining and damaging. So I'll never do that. I'll never rudely call someone out in public or go on their blog to rant or snipe openly about members or fellow ARMY. I will just keep myself to myself and do my best to be authentic and kind and hard working.

Doesn't always work. I'm human. I will absolutely make mistakes (case in point--the campaign idea yesterday that could have really harmed Jimin. I didn't think about all the consequences and I'm so grateful to the people who patiently set me straight.) Please know that if you ever feel strongly I'm going in the wrong direction, you can always speak to me--I'll ask a million questions, I'll hear you out, and I'll try to be flexible in my mindset. You don't have to hide behind throw-away accounts or talk to others about me. I will do my best to always be kind and act in good faith with everyone. (But I'll likely still make some mistakes, because my intentions are good but I myself am not perfect.)

By and large, I feel I'm just really astronomically lucky to be here. I know the kind of cancer I had is very sneaky and could come back at any time. So how I spend my time left in this life matters to me. I want to be a source of good in the world, help other people, experience bliss and celebrate good things. I don't want to be selfish or destructive. If I start to go that way, I know good friends will gently call me back.

Like BTS, I want to connect with people and help build something worthy. So if you're on board with that, let's be friends. And if you're not, let's part amicably.

I just... figured I should probably say that... out loud. So that's that on that.

Love you guys,

Roo

[azure-firecracker]

I want to know 2 and 4 of your ask game. :DD

Thank you so much for asking! You’re such a well-known blog that I fangirl whenever you interact with my posts:)

The game is here.

I’ll put it under the cut bc I know it’ll get long again.

2: Which season is your favorite and why?

This may surprise some of y’all because this is definitely the season I complain about the most, but my favorite season is Season 2! Of course, I’m only midway through Season 4 as of answering this, so that could very well change. But Season 2 just has a special place in my heart. I’m a sucker for angst, hurt/comfort, high stakes and higher emotions, and Season 2 just has that in spades. The abduction arc really marked a turning point both for Mulder and Scully’s relationship (and both of them individually), and for the show as a whole. Everything after that felt more high-drama, more emotionally weighty, everything was tinged with pain in a bittersweet way. This season gave us rescues (my favorite trope!) in spades, and though I complained about the excess of Scully kidnappings in this post, some of those rescues (as well as all of the times where the roles are reversed) are near and dear to my heart. My top 10 list is always evolving, but there’s at least 3 episodes from this season in there, and my top 2 are from this season. This is my favorite season to set fanfic in, because Mulder and Scully are so new to each other but so raw and vulnerable and they’re terrified but the world is more terrifying and they have no choice but to lean into one another for support and it’s just so wonderful.

4: Now you’ve been given a pen and a chance to write your own episode. Describe it!

I already answered this one here, but I’ll happily write another one! The last one was angsty and high-stakes, so we’ll write a lighter one this time around.

We’ll place this mid Season 3-ish. Cast members at a Renaissance Faire have been dying violent deaths, and Mulder and Scully are sent undercover to investigate. Mulder gets cast as a prince and mostly he sits and knights children which he loves. Scully gets cast as a fortune teller which is as hilarious as you’d expect, but she trades it for knight’s armor the second she can, and the whole episode she’s hiding from the people who run the Faire so they don’t know she’s switched costumes.

Anyway, everyone at the Renaissance Faire seems to think they’re actually being targeted by a dragon. Scully thinks it’s ridiculous, Mulder thinks it’s real, y’all know the drill. Mulder enlists the help of a witchy type to do a shielding-curse. It just results in things exploding and Mulder looking like Seamus Finnegan from Harry Potter.

While this is happening, Scully is having an actually emotional moment because she meets someone who reminds her of Melissa. It’s just a tender scene.

Anyway, Scully does some more investigating and finds some weird drugs on the torches they’re using. She realizes it’s a hallucinogenic drug, which would explain the delusions of the dragons, so she heads out into the woods to clean all of the lamps and fix the problem (yes she tells Mulder where she’s going. He still thinks the dragon is real so he doesn’t pay it much mind but he does tell her to be careful).

Anyway, we see Scully walking into the woods, cleaning lamps, when a big shadow looms behind her , we hear a roar, and the screen cuts to black.

Mulder sends Scully’s lamp drug results to the Gunmen, and they say it’s a hallucinogenic but it mostly makes you weak and it wouldn’t make you make up a dragon, so just as Mulder’s about to go warn Scully, the witch they asked for help earlier appears and OH NO SHE’S A TWIST VILLAIN! AND SHE SUMMONED THE DRAGON!

Anyway Mulder fights her and they basically battle through the whole Faire as Irish folk-y music plays and there’s some sword fighting moments, some jousting, some torch waving, and at one point Mulder does throw a turkey leg at her. They make their way into the fortune tent when she gets the better of him, and just when it seems like all is lost…

Scully BURSTS in, albeit very messed up and covered in dragon blood and strange goop! But she’s wearing armor! And she gets to point a sword at the witch’s neck!

Cut to them walking through the Faire, this time as visitors. Scully thinks the witch was delusional and had a big lizard, Mulder swears it was magic, same old, same old. But there is at least one knight in shining armor joke in this section, because Mulder kept one knighting necklace from when he was playing a prince, and he puts it around Scully’s neck, and they stare at each other in that way that they do.

The end!

Would you watch this? Let me know in the comments!

[sleepimali]

Wild vs Tamed Magic and Faerie Petal Dragons! - December Big Dreamer physical patron rewards! If you want the set of a print, the stickers and a personalised doodle, you can do so by pledging to the Big Dreamer tier at https://www.patreon.com/sleepimali hehe. You’d have my undying love and gratitude, but I completely understand if that’s not something you want or something that’s in your budget! But if you want to get it, it’s available until December 31st, 2022 :) Lore below!

Faerie dragons aren't a new concept exactly, but these are mine. My patrons voted for the reward theme for December to be Wild Vs Tamed Magic, but I just can’t help myself and got a creature involved too. Buckle up, this is going to be a bit long! (And a heads up, the dragon section is going to be a bit dark.)

The Lore of Wild and Tamed Magic:

It's said these are the two kinds of magic in the Devil in the Details world, but they're both really just umbrella terms.

Wild magic is what some might consider "real" magic, in that it is unpredictable, incomprehensible and comes with a considerable amount of danger with each use. It is not something that can be controlled or understood; The second it is, it is no longer considered Wild, but Tamed. Wild magic is found among various magical flora and fauna, as well as magic folk and these days also humans. Generally Wild Magic occurs when strong feelings, instincts or wishes have been triggered. But if you use it, you may not get the result you wanted, and certainly not when you wanted either. There are plenty of records of uses of Wild Magic that have seemingly resulted in absolutely nothing, and suddenly years later it finally triggered and resulted in both unexpected disasters and blessings. But likewise, there are plenty of cases where the magic happened immediately in reaction to the user's strong emotions - sometimes with great results, and sometimes with the result of the user finding themself in a flood when all they wished for was a sip of water.

Meanwhile, Tamed Magic is the result of trying to understand and control this immense and strange force. Some people would call it science, and that isn't wrong, but the truth is even as people's ability to control magic has grown better, no one still knows what magic actually is. Certain methods have been proven somewhat effective in controlling the result of it, but the reason why they work is still a mystery.

There is now a vast amount of knowledge of spells and magic technology thanks to a collaboration between magic folks and humans, but even so, the amount of magic to still be explored seems infinite. As mentioned earlier, Tamed Magic is also an umbrella term, under which there are countless magic systems - ways of practicing controlled magic. A lot of them are known, but some magic folks keep their spells a secret, and a lot of the recorded ones are locked away and kept safe from the public for safety reasons.

The taming of magic is a constant, and dangerous work in progress.

Faerie Petal Dragons, and their relation to Tamed Magic: It is believed that faerie petal dragons are the first species to have learned how to tame magic. While this is hard to actually prove, tales of them have been passed down through generations of magic folk for thousands and thousands of years. In ancient times, various species of dragon were fairly common, especially in lands where humans didn't thrive. And the smallest of them all were the faerie dragons. Rather than trying to compete with other dragon species by growing bigger and stronger, they instead grew to focus on stealth and blending in. Faerie Petal Dragons in particular lived in evergreen and ever flowering lands, and had grown reliant on hiding among flowers in order to throw off eventual predators, like larger dragons. Unfortunately, as centuries and millennia passed, the other species of dragons only grew bigger, stronger, and above all more destructive. It wasn't uncommon for an entire field to become completely inhabitable from a single breath of a larger species. As such, the need to adapt and defend themselves rose among the faerie petal dragons. But there was only one thing they had that they could use to defend themselves and their territories - magic. But how could they, if using Wild Magic came with the possibility of destroying their lands themselves? Ultimately, they had no choice though, as their lands shrunk more and more, and more of them perished to the bigger, mightier dragons. And it was then, pushed to the brink, they learned that if they were doomed regardless, they might as well go down with a fight - and somewhere along the line they also learned that if they were very, very angry, the magic they used would reflect that with targeted destructive power similar to what had previously been used on them as their territories were destroyed. And that was the first time magic had been tamed, that we know of. And you'd think it would end there, but these tiny dragons are highly intelligent, and once they realised they had a chance at controlling magic, they then spent thousands of years expanding on that idea and learning how to tame it in more instances than just those where they were threatened and angry. But as intelligent as they were, they were also equally reckless, and ironically a lot of them perished in the process of trying to tame magic due to accidental curses or unfortunate accidents. Instead of being hunted by larger dragons, they themselves were now their worst enemies. However, those who survived this process went on to grow extremely strong. Ultimately, they became beings no one would want to pick a fight with, except maybe the gods themselves.

In the end, magic folks and other magical beings saw what the tiny dragons were doing, and became inspired to tame magic themselves.

These days, the faerie petal dragons have recovered their numbers quite a bit, and are friendly to humans. Given that they are basically just tiny little magic nerds (very powerful magic nerds) they are always extremely curious about the spells these weird, short lived humans are developing.

A fair warning though: If you're a spell crafter, they will try to get into your lab at all costs. And they will succeed. And you do not want that, given their reckless history. In face, there are laws and safety protocols that forbid you from disclosing the location of a spell crafter study, lab or spell vault to faerie petal dragons. In short - they're lovely beings that could destroy your home with a sneeze, and if you wanted one as a companion, they will not be the pet. You will be 😉

[mewmewpercy]

Everything Right and Wrong with Penacony

In the spirit of Penacony being a finished story it's high time I finally shit on it. But it's also time to praise certain parts of it.

Let's get the negativity out of the way. So for starters I'm so fucking pissed there were no poc playables. Like genuinely. This was based off of the Jazz Age of America. That was when us black folks were spreading our influence nationwide. It was a time that should be celebrated for bringing so much of what America is known for now.

It's obvious in everything from clothing styles down to the literal background music that it was this time. The name of the Penacony ost albums are called The Flapper Sinthome. FLAPPER. DUDE. AND THE CLOTHING??? It's so reminicent of that time period man. Everyone in fancy clothing looking dolled up and dressed to the damn nines. And the music is literally JAZZ. AND ITS GOOD JAZZ TOO. Nothing beats running around with saxophone in my ears.

I'm kinda digging the fact that Penacony was very obvious in showing that while things may have looked all fun and dreamlike and beautiful in this place there were deep rooted problems. The way it was dreams I just. Like the way that the Dreamscape felt like what you could call the American Dream but when you "wake up" and really take a look at what you might not be shown to you you realise how messed up the place truly is. Like that's actually such good storytelling to me. Penacony is called the Land of Dreams. It's a vacation spot many people frequent. Tell me that isn't so fucking America. Any fellow Americans can attest to the fact that America may seem cool to an outsider but we have deep rooted issues we still can't get rid of.

Next we gotta get into the religious symbolism because hoo boy that was a lot. So as a Christian when I was going through the story I was just. It was so good. I know everybody complains about the 2.2 bit being long winded. I know a lot of people)myself included) skipped some dialogue but just. It was so well done. The entire arc Sunday had that update was so religious trauma core and I love it. His constant talk about choices. The damn one or damn all ideology. The way he was literally martyring himself? The way he described the seven days? The entire boss fight? The motifs all over and around him? I'm sorry he's just such a banger fucking character I love him.

The last thing I absolutely gotta discuss is the way the inconveniences and emotions were done. So Penacony introduced us to the annoying sign boards that quite literally follow you which is way too reminiscent of when you see the same ads and billboards no matter where you go and you can't escape them. Advertising is so fucking common here I hate it but the signboards really represent how infuriating they are. The fact that the cars swerve out of your way at the last second and when they hit you they just keep going? Hit and runs and irresponsible drivers core fr. The people throwing up in the streets because of drinking too much alcohol SoulGlad? Yea that's normal. The amount of people with varying emotions scattered around? The way there's a literal pepeshi wanting to jump off the balcony? The way you can literally go into their mind and change their emotions? Like that's gotta be a reference to our drug problem here.

So yea Penacony could've been made so much better with a poc cast. I wish we could've had more diversity. But I do love how well the details were scattered around. I love comparing it to my life. I like that a lot. I won't deny they did good on that. But c'mon where's me a beautiful black queen with the biggest fro and best damn clothes at? They would've ate so hard with that.

[poulpemou]

Happy Valentine's Day! It's the perfect day to proselytise aroace Kiran from Fire Emblem Heroes!

As the "protagonist" of a gacha game, AKA a soft harem game, it only makes sense for the self-insert character to be aroace! Got folks of all genders throwing themselves at you for no understandable reason? Got people taking your lack of interest as a personal challenge? Why, that sounds like the perfect setting for a character to realise and/or profess their aroace-ness!

Here are some satisfied testimonies from our existing representatives!

"Wow I had no idea Fjorm felt this way? Why? Since when? I thought she and Laegjarn were dating?"

"Uhhhhh Gunnthrá said what?????????"

"Do people know I have a job and responsibilities? I have a lot going on, I don't have time for this kind of stuff, do people realize we're at war like 24/7 and I'm literally the only person keeping this place from falling apart and—"

"How come it's always the girls confessing their love to me but not the guys? I mean I'm not into dudes but that doesn't mean I can't be. Actually, who says I'm not? Oriented aroaces exist and—"

"Hey Alfonse. Bro. Are we or aren't we partners. Are we or aren't we the perfect unit if we could be combined into one. Have you ever heard of Steven Universe by the way? Or of this thing called QPR?"

"How come Plumeria is always shit-talking me about lewdness when I literally didn't do anything? Like ok yeah I poked her, but I literally poke everyone? Also what's up with my dreams? Has she heard of this thing called intrusive sexuality that literally doesn't mean anything—"

"Hey, so, I don't know how to say this, Seiðr, but I don't want a baby and I also don't want to be a deadbeat parent, and also Gullveig and Kvasir keep saying things about feelings but I have no idea where that's coming from. Don't even get me started on Heiðr."

"Why are girls weird around me? Am I actually just a cat and never noticed? Is that why they keep petting me and cooing at me? I was just a cat this whole time and no one had the heart to tell me I'm not human?"

"You love me? Aw, thanks, I love you too! I love all of my friends!"

"What is love? Baby don't hurt me. Oh wait this song doesn't exist in Askr..."

"What do you mean they think I'm flirting!!!!!!!! What the heck is a flirting!!!!!! I'm literally just being a good friend what!!!!!!!!"

"I love Day of Devotion! It's a day where you're devoted to your loved ones! Yeah of course all my friends are my loved ones, what do you mean?"

"So when two people like each other very much, they perform this ceremony called ally-supporting, and for some reason people blush when they reach A-tier. I think it's because it's a very important milestone that happens to take place in what looks like a church, and they're afraid to look like they don't belong in a church. Something about Askran churches must seem very intimidating."

"Oh wow you have feelings for me for real? I thought people were just saying that for the bit."

"Oh wow you have feelings for me for real? Can you describe what what's like? I've never understood it and people take it really badly when I ask."

"So back in my world, we have this event called Asexuality Awareness Week taking place during the Harvest Festival, and this other event called Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week that takes place a week after the Day of Devotion."

"Hey does garlic bread exist here? Anyone got any cake?"

"I don't know any of these people. They keep wanting to talk to me and be friends. Well ok. I don't get it but I guess it's my job to ensure troupe morale. I thought that would be Sharena's job but I haven't seen her in forever. Sacrifices for the cause, I guess."

"What do you mean they think I'm flirting!!!!!!!! What the heck is a flirting!!!!!! I'm literally just being polite what!!!!!!!!"

Join today and headcanon your summoner as aroace! Add a layer of complexity to a silent character and off-the-rails writing! You may be entitled to emotional compensation!

[bengiyo]

Be My Favorite Ep 10 Stray Thoughts

Last week, Kawi and Pisaeng started dating and Not immediately ruined it by making everything about him as always. Not outs them repeatedly and tries to use it as an in with Pear. He breaks things off with Kwan, who genuinely likes him, and gets his ass handed to him by Pear. Meanwhile, Kawi is spiraling that once again his mistakes are causing problems for others, and Pisaeng pushes Kawi to try to see life more optimistically and just try to take care of each other. Pear is having her own problems as she reckons with her mom finding success as an artist after leaving her family to pursue that art.

Hopefully we get Max back this week.

Love us coming back to Kawi and Pisaeng affirming their connection and Pear affirming that she and Not do NOT have one.

YES, MISS PEAR! COME THROUGH, SIS! She said, “Kwan is my friend and you are a dick. DICK IS ABUNDANT AND LOW IN VALUE!”

I want to say here that while I absolutely despise Not, I think Title is giving a great performance in this role. He’s very good at playing disaffected man who is also the source of his own problems.

Okay, this boy just put hands on Kwan. Let’s stomp his ass.

I’m with the dad on “The more you forgive, the stronger you get.” It’s so easy to burn yourself out in righteous rage. I was there for a long time early in the BLM movement, and all I succeeded in doing was giving myself a bunch of a stress-related health issues. The work I do now is about uplifting now and less about fighting. We talked about this on @the-conversation-pod in The Eighth Sense about how forgiveness isn’t about admitting the other party is right. It’s about accepting what happened, determining the boundaries you need to establish for the future, and then focusing on what’s important to you. Holding resentment traps you in the moment you were last offended. You become a living ghost.

Oh interesting. Kawi is reading Crazy Rich Asians.

They are crushing me with the fathers today. I’m going to need Tom Phollawat and Kob Songsit to get off my neck. In all seriousness, Kob is clearly ridiculously talented. Krist is responding to his emotions better than he has with anyone else in the series.

There is something so poignant about Kawi doing everything he could to try to save his dad, still losing him, but getting closure this time because he was able to say goodbye to his father before the surgery. I’m trying not to cry right now.

I love that the first people we see Pear interacting with after that talk with her dad are Pisaeng and Kawi. Love that she made sure to clear up any angst between them. It’s beautiful because the show says she has a right to be disappointed about how things went even as she commits to maintaining two important friendships. These boys are throwing themselves before Pear about who should be castigated more and I love that.

Yes, now that Pear has affirmed her support for gay love, let’s go hang out with the gays. Welcome back, Max. I’ve missed you. You look amazing as always. Love these boots.

I love Max. He’s correct. Just because we know what’s going on doesn’t mean we also don’t need to be told. Up until we’re told, we technically just suspect. Kawi is lucky to have community.

Before I engage with Pisaeng’s mom’s latest form of gaslighting, I need to know what show they’re watching on this projector in the background.

Sowing doubt into your son’s first real relationship is so cruel. Pisaeng knows exactly what she’s doing, and Gawin is playing his hurt and offense completely legibly.

I’m really loving the theme in this show that there is a difference between avoiding misery and finding happiness.

I do love seeing folks figure out the early parts of their relationships. Kawi doesn’t like Pisaeng avoiding his problems with his mom around him, especially when Pisaeng came to him for comfort. Now we get to see these two sort out how intimacy is going to work for them.

I’m never going to complain about parents turning things around and choosing to support their kids, but I don’t think I like Pisaeng faking a conflict with his mom in the hopes that Kawi will be intimate with him.

The mom’s smile is giving Gates McFadden at the end of Make the Yuletide Gay (2009).

I’m really enjoying the way Gawin plays Pisaeng as flirty or cheeky.

I’m obsessed with Max wearing this big black jacket but having these shorts He has such long legs that the juxtaposition fees intentional.

The Ace Friend and Gay Slut duo is undefeated. Kawi being on the ace spectrum doesn’t surprise me. I’m sure people are going to chide Max for how he spoke to Kawi, but I get Max. He’s a sexual being and it’s clear that some of his experiences weren’t great. There are things to unpack there. However, this show is about accepting people as they are and understanding where they’re coming from. We’re not aiming for perfection. We’re aiming for honesty and kindness. Kawi does need to consider the needs of his partner if he’s going to be in a long term relationship with someone who isn’t on the spectrum like him.

Oh, Kawi. Don’t pretend to sleep.

For a moment I really wondered if the snow globe would transport Pisaeng, but he’s already rejected magical help for his problems.

I’m really hoping this show does something interesting with the asymmetric sexual desire between Kawi and Pisaeng. We were here before during SOTUS and it’s hard not to recall that.

The amusement park thing is not subtle, and I’m not sure how to feel about it. Kawi has always wanted to visit a place full of excitement and thrill, but is here just to soak in the vibes and eat food. Pisaeng isn’t on that wavelength and is a bit frustrated.

Okay, so the preview seems to indicate that Pisaeng maybe did time travel. Unsure about how we went from a kinda botched date to their first sober kiss and implied first time.

I’m not sure where I sit on the sex stuff this episode. I think I’m going to leave myself in this moment of uncertainty until next week to see what we learn about Pisaeng’s potential time jump, and Kawi’s follow up on Max urging him to consider the role of sex and intimacy in romance.

[gwemmieee]

I've just figured out some big things, and... yeah. It's not fair or sensitive to hold everyone to the exact same standard. Some of us have suffered a lot more than others, and the more you have suffered, the more you deserve grace when you're so exhausted that you slip up in your overwhelming and obsessive effort to be good to everyone.

I love giving space to anyone who's being honest about the ways they've been hurt. But once they've personally hurt me, or if the systemic issues they're describing have an even greater effect on me, I should not be held to as high a standard of perfection in how I speak and express my feelings. I should just be heard. Failing to treat me this way... I think that is the true definition of one-upping another's trauma.

From now on, I'm gonna be wary around masculine people who specifically only want to talk about their pain without giving me any space for mine as a very feminine woman. And similarly for cis people as a trans person. And wealthy people as a poor person. And neurotypical people as a neurodivergent person. And abled people as a disabled person. And parented people as an emotional orphan. And etc.

And from now on, if someone who is intersex, or BIPOC, or not white passing, or homeless, or less non-mad-passing than me, or more disabled than me, etc., is wary of me specifically because I unnecessarily forced them to have to silently process their own oppression just to be able to hear me, I'm gonna understand and respect that. It's so obvious to me now. Their oppression is not my fault, personally, but that doesn't mean they don't have completely valid reasons to find my presence actively exhausting. I'm not gonna be able to make that go away. I can either be sensitive to that or miss out on maximizing what connection with them I actually have access to.

And that doesn't mean I have to always turn the other cheek when someone is being just plain nasty to me, because I don't have to throw myself under the bus to be sensitive, and being sensitive doesn't mean I don't have my own limits.

We're honestly lucky to have all these academic and grassroots social justice discussions just a web search away. It's usually so fucking hard to ever know for sure whether another person has had it so hard that it's a struggle to be any better, or is just presenting that way to manipulate you. It's still really hard now. But our modern education and dissemination of marginalized groups' collective experiences shines a huge light on so much of it, and that gives us so much more opportunity to REALLY connect with folks from very different perspectives.

This feels like real feminism to me.

[incorrectmarvelquotesss]

— frozen hearts: day nine —

Warnings: strong language, sexual themes (a lot this time around), fluff, a bit of angst, pregnancy, mentions of abortion, slight mentions of past toxic relationships,

Word Count: ~6k

A/N: FINALLY! I really wanted this chapter out like three weeks ago and then writer’s block hit me like a truck. Anyway, enjoy this and I’m hoping in two weeks at most, I’ll have the next chapter, the LAST chapter, out. I’m so spent this month, honestly, but I swear I’m trying to write in my spare time. Requests for drabbles for this couple are open. I also want your opinions on what should be included in the epilogue, so send in messages and requests on that. Write me a book report or send me a cute photo of a dog or cat or any cute animal really because I could use it. Anyway, enjoy!

Series Masterlist || 1000k Celebration || Main Masterlist

Bucky stirred in his sleep, caught somewhere between his dreams and reality as he turned around to shove his metal arm underneath your pillow. The weight of your head made his head feel heavy again, drifting off slightly before feeling the need to hold you close and feel the press of your body against his. He reached out for you blindly, tossing his arm over your waist and wrapping it gently around your middle. He dragged you close to him, your back pressed to his chest, burying his face into your hair just as he fell back into a deep slumber.  

———

The harsh light falling directly onto your face made you stir, groaning a bit as you mumbled incoherently while Bucky watched on with a smile. He casted a slight glare at the sun, moving his figure slowly so that his shoulder blocked off the sun’s rays. He watched the tips of your lips curl up at the sides, a little smile that had his heart growing two times in size. The small furrow in between your eyebrows disappeared and so did his urge to kiss it away. It was the little things that had him falling in love with you a bit more every day. 

He really was in love, he thought with a tiny bit of surprise. The last time he loved someone in this way was back in high school and that love was bound to fade. He could barely remember her name while yours was on repeat like a broken record player. Every morning and every night, you were the first and last thought on his mind. That was what made this emotion so different. He doubted that his heart would stop skipping a beat whenever you looked at him and the butterflies would stop fluttering at some point. But the sense of calm you brought him would never fade and his love for you would only grow. 

He had seen with his own folks and, now, yours too. The way his dad would wrap his mother in a giant hug after a rough day at work, breathing deeply and sighing as his mother would chuckle. He heard the whispered I love yous between them throughout the day and saw the love growing stronger. With your parents, it was different, but they loved each other all the same. Your parents would rather express their love for each other in actions rather than words. He saw the little nudge your mom would give your dad while she was walking past him and him adjusting the throw pillow the way she liked it before she sat down. 

He was doubtful that they still felt the flutters and skips at every little gesture—he felt he would never get over your touches—but their love was still there. It didn’t fade or disappear, it became the calm type of love. The one where you knew you could act however you wanted and the other would give a slight look at you before sighing in adoration and shaking their head and calling you an idiot in the most lovable way possible. He wanted to hear you call him an idiot and giggle and shake your head when he did something silly. He wanted to have the calm sort of love with you and he could only hope you wanted it too.  

When the chatters and whispers started to make their way into your room, he knew you would be stirring awake soon. Maybe a few days ago he would let you wake to those growing noises, but you had given him permission to kiss you whenever he wanted to. Unless said otherwise, and Bucky had told you multiple times that it was all you. If you said no to anything, he would drop whatever he’s doing to assure you that he would not be going further. So, right now, he dropped a kiss on your forehead, already getting you to stir in your sleep. You shifted closer to his body heat, making his heart basically awe at the gesture. 

He leaned down to kiss your forehead once more before moving down to litter kisses on your cheeks and nose and eyes, really anywhere he could reach but your lips. His constant teasing was earning a small pout on your lips and your pout while you were awake just about knocked him to his knees every time, so when you did it in your sleep, the breath was knocked out of his chest. He somehow resisted the urge to kiss the pout away and kissed your temple. A huff escaped your lips and you shifted closer to him, pressing your arm into his chest. He let out a small chuckle and you took the opportunity to jab your elbow into his ribs and lean up to press a chaste kiss to his lips. 

He blinked in surprise, noticing it was the first time you had kissed him. You were the one to press your lips against him, initiating the action for the first time. Sure you had pecked his cheek or forehead before, but never had you placed your lips on his and kissed him. Once he had processed everything and his brain started functioning again—seriously, one kiss from you and he was a puddle—he grinned widely, so wide that it hurt his cheeks. You only giggled shyly, realising what you had done and buried your face into his chest, giggles muffled and breath felt seeping through his shirt to his chest. 

“Well, this is a good morning, doll,” he mumbled, chuckling as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders and cradled your head by threading his fingers through your hair. You shook your head and looked up at him with a smile that made his heart skip a beat. 

“Good morning, uh,” you trailed off for a second, giggling a bit more. Bucky raised an eyebrow at you, wondering where this chirpy attitude this early in the morning came from and what exactly you were thinking about. “Uh, I feel like I should call you something sweet, too, since, uh, you know, you call me doll.”

“I like James just fine,” he reassured you with a glance down at your lips, wishing he could hear it again. He really was fine with just hearing James roll off your tongue and escape that pretty mouth of yours. He almost groaned in agony when you pouted his statement. 

“Okay, but hear me out,” you started, smiling as he leaned closer to you. You started giggling as you spoke, the mere thought amusing you for some reason—Bucky could tell you were about to make fun of him, but he let you go ahead with the sentence. “I think that calling you Barney isn’t cutting it.” 

“Really, doll?” He rolled his eyes fondly, a grin still set upon his face. 

“See? Doll is so sweet and so is babydoll and—what else? I can’t remember, but I’m sure, if you haven’t already, you’ll call me other sweet things and I’ll be stuck calling you James.”

“It is my name,” he cut in, giving you a pointed look. 

“Doll isn’t my name.” Bucky gave you another look. You ignored it. “Just listen to me, ‘kay? I think I should call you babe—” you both cringed— “Nevermind. Nope. I’ll think of something. What about sweetheart or honey or baby?” 

You let out an overdramatic gasp and Bucky braced himself.

“What about babyboy?” You practically squealed, a hand fisting his shirt at his chest. Something about the gesture tugged at a few strings in his heart. He gave you a deadpan expression and shook his head violently when you nodded with a growing grin on your face.

“No, Y/S,” he said sternly, although you could probably see right through his facade. He had found his heart stirring awake when you spouted off with the endearing names. Even babyboy from your lips made him want to hear it again and again, if you said it with as much adoration as you said others’ names. You had given all of your friends nicknames; Natasha was Nat or Tasha or Nattie, Steve was Stevie, Sam was Sammy, Tony was Tones, Pepper was Peppy, Scott was Scottie, and even Hope was Sugar—some sort of inside joke between you two. He had always been Barnes, and now he was hoping to be someone more than the jerk.

“Yes, Barney.” You gasped again, making Bucky slightest frown tug into a smile. “Unless you like Barney! You like it, don’t you? That’s why you won’t let me call you anything else! Oh my goodness, this changes everything, Barney!” Your laughter was worth the teasing, he decided, watching you bury your face into his chest again. 

Once your laughter ceased, he sighed. “You caught me, Y/S. I like it.”

You dissolved into laughter once more at his sarcastic comment and he let himself enjoy this moment, hoping that, somewhere in the near future, he would be fortunate enough to live through more of these. 

———

“I’m gonna cry,” Hailey said, waving a hand in front of her face as she said her goodbyes. “Damn, hormones.”  Everyone chuckled at her comment, some teary-eyed while others kept a calm composure. You were still holding onto her forearms, rubbing them soothingly as she smiled at you with tears building up rapidly. You had already cried enough, seeing Skylar and Tyler having to say goodbye because the two missed Lea and their mother so much. They didn’t live too far so they were driving back, but it was still goodbye. 

Even though those tears had dried long before, new ones had started to streak down your face and Bucky could feel his heart contract at the sight of them. He doubted that feeling would ever leave. Seeing you in pain was something he would never be okay with. His heart would always clench and his brain would always urge him to find the solution to your problem, wipe your tears, hold you close, and kiss those tears away. But he was pretty sure you wouldn’t like the physical affection at this moment in front of your entire family—and you would cry harder. 

“Bye, Jake,” you murmured, hugging the blond as he kissed your hair in a way that made you sniffle. 

“See ya next year, kiddo,” he teased back, ruffling your hair as you scoffed and pulled away. Bucky knew you had a retort on the tip of your tongue when you made the same face at Jake like you did to him. 

“I’ll be seeing you, too, old man,” you quipped, making Bucky grin at your lighthearted sass-filled jab and shake his head ever so fondly. Jake merely rolled his eyes and snickered to himself as the rest of the family said their goodbyes. Your dad had his jacket on as well, seeing that he would be driving them to the airport. 

Vanessa came over to give Bucky a long hug and whispered, “Are you gonna be here next year, Uncle Bucky? Aunt Y/N looks happy when she’s with you.” Bucky sucked in a breath and sent you a glance, but saw that you were busy helping Hailey with her zip since it had gotten stuck. 

“I dunno, but I want to” he mumbled, pulling away slightly so that he could brush some of the hair out of her face and see her clearly. “I hope so, princess. She makes me really happy too. You all do.” Vanessa beamed at that and scurried off when Jake called her. Bucky was still crouched down a few moments after, getting up once his legs stopped feeling like jelly. Nate, Dan, and Vanessa had started calling him Uncle Bucky for a few days now, but he would be lying if he said his heart didn’t melt everytime they said it. 

You had come back to stand at his side when Hailey and Jake stepped out with Vanessa and Dylan all bundled up. Your dad shut the door and they were gone. You turned towards him, grabbing his arm and wrapping yours around it. It was left arm, so he instinctively bristled a little, but relaxed before you had a chance to let go and apologize. You rested your chin on his shoulder and brought your other hand to intertwine with his, smiling slightly through your tears. 

“We’re leaving tomorrow, you know?” You asked quietly, barely audible to him. He knocked his head to yours affectionately and gave you a smile. 

“We’ll be back next year,” he said, licking his lips in anticipation of your response to his statement. It was bold of him to assume you wanted him back with you next year or that this relationship you two had going on would last until next year. If this did last that long—he let himself get lost for a bit—would you two ever tell your family that you were not in a relationship at the beginning? Or would you rather let them think that you had been together for six extra months? Were you two even official yet? Had you even made it official in your head as he had? Was he the only one in it for the end? Was this one-sided?

“Get out of your head, James,” you said, dragging him back to reality. “Don’t think too much right now. We’ll talk about it at night.”

“Promise, doll?”

“Promise, Barney.” 

“Y/N?” Tania called out, waving for you to talk to her. She seemed to be in a hurry to call you over, frantically gesturing for you to come over. You gave him a sweet peck on his lips, leaving before he could kiss you properly. The two of you started talking in hushed whispers, saying things that he couldn’t make out. By the looks of it, Tania seemed to be in despair as you rubbed her arms soothingly and wrapped an arm around her shoulders to embrace her slightly. You nodded and gave Bucky a glance, eyes darting over to Matthew and he got the message loud and clear. 

———

“What’s going on between you and Tania?” Bucky asked finally, throwing the hockey stick onto the snow and sitting down on the bench. 

After the silent message you had given him, he offered Matthew the chance to get out of the house and play some hockey on the lake. Bucky thought it would be easier to coax out whatever the issue was between the couple, but Matthew had just smacked the puck harder each time Bucky brought up Tania in a conversation. Matthew had barely missed Bucky’s head the last time so Bucky had thrown up his hands and skated over to the bench. Matthew had followed silently, standing as if he was waiting to be scolded. 

“It’s nothing,” he replied quickly, shaking his head and looking off into the distance. Bucky watched and waited for him to tell him the truth, putting his snowshoes back on and tossing his skates next to the hockey stick. Bucky decided that it was a telltale of any of the Y/S’s, to look away and answer with nothings. 

“Bullshit,” Bucky said hotly, standing up and pointing at Matthew’s chest. “You are full of it. I know I’m not your best friend or your brother, but Y/N’s family is as good as mine. Plus, you’re, at the very most, a friend to me, and I don’t leave my friends to deal with their shit by themselves. So let me help you, man.” Bucky watched Matthew’s eyes flicker around the distance for a full three seconds before he looked at Bucky dead in the eyes. 

“Tania’s pregnant and I don’t think we should have another,” he answered simply, the fear of being misunderstood clear in his eyes. Bucky clenched his jaw and nodded for him to elaborate. “I don’t think we could take care of another right now. We have the twins and Ariel is barely able to hold herself up right now. Tania—Tania—she’s undecided. At least that’s what she told me. She doesn’t know yet and she’s—she’s scared that I’m gonna leave her because she might want to keep it.”

“Have you told her that you aren’t leaving her?” Bucky knew it was a serious situation, but he had only just realized exactly how serious this was. A whole new family member meant a whole new set of responsibilities. With Ariel just learning how to talk and walk and the twins being in the era of mischief, Bucky understood where Matthew was coming from. He knew it would be hard to balance their lives between two babies and twins. On top of all that, both of them had their work lives to worry about too. 

Though, Bucky now knew, your family was fucking loaded. However, it wasn’t money he was worried about. It was a new responsibility that he was worried about, about timing. Not right now was what he meant. He was ready for another kid, just not right now. He would be okay with having a kid later, but not right now. 

“Of course I have,” Matthew scoffed, huffing out a breath and looking at Bucky with an intensity that Bucky knew meant he was about to pour his heart out. “The thing is… I don’t want this to affect our relationship. I feel like—I feel like I might not have a say in this because—because I’m not the one carrying the baby and, you know, the father, not the mother. Like I get the whole ‘she’s carryin’ it, not you’ but I—I don’t know. I might not—I don’t know.”

“You have a say and, knowing Tania, she’s gonna think about you and your opinions, but she’s the one who gets the final decision. Though, knowing the two of you and your whole family, another kid shouldn’t be a problem. Y/N would be up to take care of the boys or Ariel for a bit while you two get used to the other one around.” Bucky let the words sink in and then continued, “I think that there are more things you two can do, you know? My—Our friend, Sam Wilson—”

“The nurse?” Matthew cut in, sitting down next to where Bucky had been. 

“Yeah, him.”

“Y/N told me about him.” 

Bucky swallowed down the gut-wrenching feeling in his stomach and sat back down, his legs turning into jelly once again. 

“Yeah, well, he worked in the fertility clinic for a while for his, uh, apprenticeship or something. Anyway, the guy knows a lot about this type of thing so he might have another option available for you guys. He’s good at what he does and he can research into this if you two want to do that. It’s an option and it’s an option you can talk to Tania about.”

Matthew nodded and Bucky wondered whether he had gone too far with his little rant. Honestly, he wasn’t going to talk about Sam—he never really wanted to, especially after the jealousy that had bubbled up at seeing his hoodie with you—but he was the only someone Bucky could talk about. He hadn’t gone through what Matthew was and the only way Bucky thought of was to find a common ground. Sam, being a nurse, seemed to be a common ground. 

“It seems like an option,” Matthew started, “and I’m open to talking about it with a specialist, but what if Tania—”

“You’ll never know what’s gonna happen if you don’t ask her about it.” Bucky let Matthew think through the whole conversation as they sat in silence, listening to the wind howling against their ears and pricking their skin. The sun was already setting, at barely past five, and the trees seemed like tall figures waiting for the two to walk home. Bucky thought that it wouldn’t be so bad to keep coming back here for the rest of his life every Christmas—if you wanted him as much as he wanted you, of course. 

“Let’s head back,” Matthew suggested, shivering slightly. “I’ve got someone important to talk to.” Bucky grinned. 

———

“How’d it go on your end?” You whispered, watching Tania and Matthew sneak out of the living room undetected—not counting you and Bucky who had kept an eye on them the last two hours, waiting for them to talk to each other. 

“I think I got through to him,” Bucky replied, his voice matching yours. His eyes flickered back to you after the couple disappeared from view. “I told him that they just had to talk it out. Communication is important, ya know? That type of stuff.” 

You hummed and nodded, leaning into his side and staring at your hand as if you had never seen them before. 

“Did you know?” Bucky didn’t need to specify what he was referring to. 

You nodded again and said, “He told me the day before yesterday. Pulled me into the kitchen and told me she was pregnant and that he might not want another one just yet.” You shrugged and looked up at him, letting his blue eyes make your heart skip a beat. His stupidly blue eyes were always on you it seemed. Anytime you looked over at him, his eyes were already on you, watching you with an intensity that you didn’t know existed. 

“What did Tania say to you?” Bucky wrapped his arm around your shoulders, dragging you closer than you were before. His thumb started rubbing your arm soothingly, so subtle at first that it took you a second just to process that it was there. 

“She said that Matthew was acting a bit… distant. Like she would bring up something for the baby and he would just nod and get lost in his head.” You bit your lip and trailed your gaze over to your mom and dad, playing with the twins and Prem while Ariel lay asleep next to your grandma. “The thing is, if they have trouble with the twins and Ariel and the little one, any of us are just a call away. Hell, they could call me and I’d fly out to help them out.”

“I said that,” Bucky quipped, a slightly smug tone coming into your hearing. You were sure he was wearing that same dumb smug grin on his face that he was back on the ice. 

“Well, it’s true.” You giggled at Ariel’s grumpy face as she woke up and rolled backwards into the sofa cushions. Bucky seemed to follow your trail of gaze and chuckled when he saw Ariel’s red cheeks, the marks of the blanket covering one of them and the mused hair that was a replica of Tania’s. Just as Ariel woke up, her parents made their way back and, by the looks of it, they had done more than just talked. 

You rolled your eyes, scoffing and muttering, “As if I could get away with that.” 

“I think we could get away with it,” Bucky whispered close to your temple, winking at you when your eyes flickered over to him. “I do have a metal arm.” You shook your head and turned to gaze elsewhere, cheeks and body feeling a lot hotter than just a few seconds ago. You blamed Bucky for it. 

“Hey,” you heard him whisper after a few seconds of silence. “I was only joking. I’m not—I’m not trying to get in your pants, promise. Not that it would be such a bad thing to get in your pants, not that I want to—I mean, I want to, but not yet. But I would if you—”

He cut off when you started laughing, unable to hold it back anymore. 

If you had looked up at him, you would have seen the loving grin he sported along with the way he shook his head fondly. He glanced at your mom and dad who shared a knowing look as you let out little snort giggles that Bucky had decided were his favourite. After a few more snorts and giggles and snickers, Bucky let you turn to lay down, head in his lap and legs sprawled over the armrest. 

You looked up at him, head moving to find a comfortable spot on his thigh. His hand came down to lay on your stomach, squeezing your waist as he dragged you away from the edge of the couch. His hand was very soon captured by both of yours, placing them on top of his. He almost didn’t notice it was his left hand on your stomach. Almost. He tried to forget about the delicate touches of your fingers on the golden outlines and the occasional gentle stroke of your thumb.

He tried so hard but gave up, knowing it was impossible for him to forget your touch. No one else could touch him so gently and caress his heart without even trying. He knew that no hand would fit his like yours and he knew that he would never get over your touches. His heart would beat straight out of his chest if you kept your touches grazing him. 

He was royally fucked and he had never been happier about it. 

———

After dinner and a few drinks, everyone had slowly disappeared into their rooms, desperate to catch a good night’s sleep before their flights the day after. Everyone, except your parents, had planned on leaving tomorrow so that the kids could get some rest before their schools started and before the parents had to go back to work. You and Bucky were supposed to be the second ones to leave after your grandparents, even though your flight was at six in the evening. Matthew and his family were due to leave about two hours after you guys and TJ and his family three hours after theirs—you had decided not to question TJ’s choice. 

Once it had registered, after stepping into the room, you and Bucky still had to pack, you both had turned it into a competition without realizing it. You both had started rushing to stuff your clothes into your suitcases, giggling whenever the other stumbled over something or snickering when one swore in a hushed tone when folding became a hassle. Slowly, you started sabotaging each other; blocking pathways, throwing clothes, and slowing down to slow the other one down too. Those little things turned from light teasing to shameless flirting, and neither of you would have denied it or traded it for the world. 

“Fuck,” Bucky groaned, watching his neatly folded pile tip over and tumble to the ground, clothes spilling apart. You giggled and let go of his forearm, trailing a pathway to the crook of his elbow before giving him a wink and walking off. You both were certainly a bit tipsy from the beers that had been passed around. 

“You're losing your footing, Barnes,” you chided as you placed another set of clothes into your suitcase. You saw his jaw tick as he smirked at you and gave you a once-over that made you shiver and tingle. His bright blue eyes seemed to grow a shade darker as he stared at your face.

“Focus on your own clothes, Y/S,” he quipped, tongue darting out to wet his lips. His eyes trailed over your body once more and you caught onto his intended innuendo. 

“Why don't you focus on my clothes?” You retorted, jutting your hip out to the side as you placed your pile of clothes onto the bed beside your suitcase. 

“If I did, they wouldn't be there.” he winked at you and you felt yourself heat up at the thought of Bucky undressing you, whispering and pressing his lips against your skin. His calloused hands on your thighs and his stubble scratching at sensitive places, an image of his head peeking up at you with a sinful smirk on his lips. 

You shivered and the silence was louder than you thought it would be. Between your hesitancy and his nervous waiting, the two of you stood waiting for the other to fill in the silence. Bucky finally cleared his throat, waiting a few more seconds before opening and closing his mouth a couple of times. 

“I meant if we were together,” he said eventually, eyes falling away and landing back on the mess around his feet. You frowned ever so slightly, something about his response not adding up in your head. You watched him bend over to pick up his clothes, contemplating your next choice of words wisely. 

“You really want this to continue, don’t you?” You mumbled gently, steadily gazing into his eyes when they flickered up in slight alarm and surprise. He stumbled over a few words, babbling a bit before reaching a response that you could understand.

“I want this, Y/S,” he started slowly as if testing out the words and letting them build up on their own, “more than anything I’ve ever wanted—needed. I want this to be real for both of us. I need an answer from you because you should know by now that I’m all in. It’s us or nothing for me, Y/N. From here on, it’s on you if you want us. If you want me.” 

You didn’t need to think about it. Your answer was already on the tip of your tongue, forming before he had even finished his declaration. 

“I want this too, James.” 

At your words, Bucky’s lips curled high and his dimples appeared, making your heart warm at the sight. His dimples were rare to appear and that meant that you cherished the moment even more. 

“But,” you started, smiling as you walked over to Bucky and hooked your arms around his neck, “there’s some lines and boundaries we need to make.”

“Whatever you need, doll,” he mumbled, leaning his head against yours. You let yourself enjoy the silence for a few seconds before breathing in deeply and slowly forming your words carefully with his scent clouding your thoughts. 

“No sex yet.” 

Bucky hummed, seemingly knowing that you weren’t ready for it. He had assured you just as much last night and you were glad he had. You weren’t completely opposed to the idea of having Bucky being the one to see you stripped to the core. He had, over the last few days, made it clear that he was all in and didn’t intend on hurting you and ruining whatever this was. Even more so since you couldn’t seem to stop touching him nowadays, craving his touch like you had never before. 

“No seeing anyone else.” 

Bucky chuckled and said, “That’s easy.” His hands trailed down the small of your back and started tracing a line up your spine. You sighed in contentment, opening your eyes slightly to take a glimpse at his smiling face and closing them a second later. 

“At least take me out on a few dates when we get back.” You giggled when Bucky’s fingertips brushed against the skin on your waist, slipping underneath your shirt before he placed his hands on your waist on top of your shirt. 

“That can be arranged,” he confirmed, eyes still closed as he started swaying you to a tune only he could hear. 

“Speaking of getting back, what do you want to tell Tasha and Stevie?” 

“Do you want to tell them right away?”

“I mean Nat’s going to figure it out sooner or later,” you said, shrugging slightly, “and that means she’s going to tell Steve and we both know Steve can’t keep a secret.” Bucky laughed at that, dimples still out—they hadn’t disappeared since you confirmed you were just as in as him—and eyes opening to look into yours. 

“Oh, yeah, that punk might as well tell the entire world about it.” 

“If he had the chance, he would.” You both leaned away when there was a knock on the door. “Coming!” You let go of Bucky’s neck, his hands falling from your waist as you walked over to open the door to reveal the twins and Prem. Tania stood behind the trio, an exhausted look on her face as her eyes flickered between you and Bucky and the suitcases. 

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” she started, already earning a slight look at her apology from you, “but the twins and Prem wanna have a sleepover with you and Bucky. Do you mind if…” Her unsaid question was clear to you and you grinned.

“Of course, I don’t mind, Tania,” you replied, looking over your shoulder at Bucky to see him shrug and smile. “We don’t mind.” 

“See? I told you Aunt Y/N loved us,” Nate said, accusingly glaring at his mother with Dan huffing and sleepily walking into your room. Prem leaned against the doorframe, watching you with tired eyes. 

“I only said that don’t be disappointed if she says no,” Tania quipped, shaking her head with a smile playing on her lips. 

“Same thing,” Nate grumbled before grabbing Prem’s hand and going toward your bed. Bucky had placed both of your suitcases on the ground, letting the kids snuggle up in the middle of the bed. Tania left with a yawn and a mumbled goodnight, something that left you with a smile on your face. Once you had closed the door, you turned around to be met with the kids already asleep and Bucky right beside you. 

His hands came to grasp your waist, pulling you close to him and leaning down to place his lips against yours. His lips were warmer and softer than yours, making your head spin for a second and you were a bit late to respond back. Knowing Bucky might pull back after sensing your hesitancy, you ran your hands through his hair and went on your toes to kiss him deeper as he leaned in more. His hands wandered underneath your shirt, tickling the skin with his fingertips as you both ran out of air and pulled away. Bucky came back for little pecks, kissing the corners of your mouth and cheeks, trailing down your jaw and kissing your pulse point under your ear. 

“James,” you gasped when he dragged his teeth on your sensitive spot close to the crook of your neck. He pulled away, smiling at you as you slid your hands down to his shoulders. You huffed out a quiet chuckle, glancing at the sleeping boys on the bed and then looking at the bathroom. 

“You can go get ready first,” he whispered, kissing your forehead and patting your waist as he moved to finish packing his clothes. You slid the laundry basket over to him from its spot beside the door where your mom had left it, letting you know that she had folded it too. Sometimes you were glad that she liked things done her way. “Remind me to thank your mom, yeah?” He swooped down to peck your lips once more before letting you go to the bathroom and getting his clothes out of the basket. 

———

“You’re really okay with the kids sleeping here, right?” You asked for the nth time, now realizing that Bucky would be on the other side of the bed and you wouldn’t be able to receive his body heat. You had gotten used to his arm weight on your waist and his breath on the back of your neck, not even noticing the way his body had provided more heat until now that he was three kids away from you. 

“Yeah, doll,” he replied, yawning and turning over to switch his lamp off. Once you were satisfied with the blanket covering all five of you, you blindly reached behind and turned your lamp off as well, the nightlight still on close to the TV. You could see the outline of Bucky’s head peek up and, when your eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, the tired grin on his face. 

“Goodnight, babydoll,” he murmured, head slowly falling back onto his pillow as he yawned once again. That yawn made you yawn and you slung your arm over Dan as he slung his over Prem and Nate, hand grazing yours as you both started to fall into a slumber. 

“Goodnight, Barney,” you whispered back just before closing your eyes. 

[turtle-sister-april]

erm hello

trigger warning for panic attacks, masking and homophobia

short or long rant ahead with probably bad grammar sorry 😭

so like im a lesbian, and my two friends irl know, but most of the kids at my school are quite strongly against it because its a catholic school and where i live a lot of people hate it

but anyways i have these two current friends and dont get me wrong they are really good friends, but they dont accept the lgbtq+ community. they just accept me because im their friend which makes me "different" (apparently?)

but at the same time they still make homophobic remarks around me and while i dont really mind, it still makes me think "if you knew i was lesbian when you met me, would you still like me?"

plus, im masking pretty much 100% of the time at home and at school, so im always ignoring overstimulation to a point where i have panic attacks so bad to the point where i throw up, my friends are the only ones who know about my sexuality and the only irl friend i have that i can unmask around moved 5 hours away at the start of this year so

it wouldnt bother me so much but i know for a fact that if i said "can you not make that joke it makes me upset" i would just get told that im not special because im gay and i know that- but its almost like im the third wheeler all of the time and its always because im either too quiet, too nice or simply "the gay one"

and im also the therapist friend all of the time, even one of my friends has nicknamed me their emotional support animal lmfao 😭

it just feels weird that the only people who i will ever come first to or not seem "different" to will be online because dont get me wrong i have an amazing online sister who i can kind of be myself around but im her therapist too and there is literally no room for me and whats going on in my life

sorry for venting here you dont have to answer this if you dont want to i just needed to get this off of my chest somewhere other than my notes 😭

have a nice day or night <3

I'm so sorry for answering this late, I'm only now just seeing it, but that's no excuse for not seeing and answering this sooner. Ok, first things first you need this

If you are touch averse then don't worry this is still just a virtual hug.

But you don't need to apologize for venting here, this is a safe space where you can be yourself and you are always welcome to come here for emotional support, just to talk, or even if you just need a distraction.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this and that you are surrounded by such homophobia. It's unfortunate that there are people that are still so unaccepting, but if it helps I can understand where you're coming from.

Having 4 brothers I have to keep a secret from the world is difficult sometimes. It was especially difficult when I was still living with my folks since I still need to tell them about the guys. They know I have 4 homeschooled friends that I love like brothers but they never met them (I still need to figure out how to set up that meeting at some point). And normally Raph takes care of the others but he doesn't have someone to take care of him so I normally do it (and since I hang out with Donnie a lot I'm usually more readily available to help him). But that's all just a long way of saying I understand where you are coming from, it can be hard, just don't forget that you matter too.

It's ok to feel the way you do and it's ok to be a little selfish sometimes, its all a part of living. But never forget that what you need and want matters. Otherwise, how else can you expect to help others if you are a mess of emotions yourself?

I hope this helps you and anyone else reading this feel better in anyway but if it doesn't then at least thank you for reading this far. Have a lovely day or night wherever you are and enjoy this adorable gif of cats.