#cannot speak effectively to save my life

[chaoscradle]

the best part about writing is wondering whether you sound like a four-year-old that's making a book for class titled "the dog barks"

[bratbby333]

i will possess your heart – satoru gojo

-this story contains very heavy nsfw content! please read at your own discretion!-

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 content warnings dead dove fic- heavy stalking, violent obsession, manipulation, forced voyeurism, forced exhibition, drugging, mentions of blood, knives, use of restraints, plot twist, extreme dub-con 𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 synopsis for as cocky as Satoru is, it’s oddly fitting. in his mind, everything belongs to him, including you. 𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 word count 8k

Satoru fumbled with a tripod as he positioned his camera onto the stand and proceeded to hit record. He was thorough, making sure his chair was perfectly centered before he sat down, staring at himself in the viewfinder while he fussed with his hair, inhaling deeply. A wide grin cut across his face before dropping back into lackluster neutrality. He looked down at his lap, his fingers ran up and down his denim-clad thighs. He snapped back onto the camera blank-faced before a deranged smile pulled at his cheeks.

Click

January 16th, 4:06 AM

I woke up drenched in the feeling of lethargy again—another night of only an hour’s worth of sleep. Nothing feels real when you hit a certain point. I’m plagued by the shadows, my entire life enshrouded in darkness. I don’t remember what things were like before. Day by day, it’s all the same. I cannot escape it—this anchoring feeling of despair. The emptiness eats away at me. I’m in search of release…of some sort of freedom from this pain. I need to fill my life with meaning, to find purpose in this accursed world…I think I’ll go out for coffee today. People watching brings me so much joy. They seem to live much happier lives than me.

Click

January 16th, 6:38 PM

My daydreams must’ve blended into reality because there was no way I created someone as beautiful as she was outside my imagination. I’m certain of it. She was sitting at the bar of the cafe down the street from my apartment, dressed in business casual—she probably works nearby. How kismet. The coffee was bland, as were most things in my life, but she awoke something in me. I hope I see her again. She somehow managed to clear the cobwebs around my heart. I think my life has finally found purpose. She is my driving force. I wonder what her name is.

Click

January 19th, 6:11 AM

Feeling well-rested today. Four hours of sleep is my new record. I plan to go to the coffee shop again. Back to the place where my eyes were first blessed with the mirage of her…where I first fell in love. I hope she’s there. People are so fun to observe when they don’t think they’re being watched…it’s simple psychology. The Hawthorne Effect. When humans notice they are under observation, they change. So inauthentic. But her? She never notices. She sits so obliviously, allowing me to take her in with ease. So good to me. She’s a breath of fresh air. I hope to work up the courage to speak to her soon. My heart soars at the mere thought of being in her presence once again. It’s so refreshing to feel something after all this time. I’ve been numb for so long, but she has set my heart on fire. She is everything to me, my sole purpose for existence.

Click

January 19th, 8:27 PM

I saw her again today. She didn’t see me. Just how I like it. She typed away on her computer like normal…she’s a hard worker, it seems. Driven and strong. And here I was thinking such beauty was a thing of legend. It's refreshing to have been proved wrong–that rarely happens. Oh, how I crave her. I know she’d make me feel whole again. She can save me from all this, I can feel it. 

Click

January 23rd, 5:13 AM

Only two hours of sleep tonight. But, for some reason, I feel better than ever… I normally do when I find a reason for living, again. It’s her…it must be because of her. She keeps me going; my muse, my inspiration. She’s worked wonders on me already and she doesn’t even know it, yet. I’m going to the cafe again today, I cannot wait to see her. Maybe today I will finally speak to her.

Click

January 23rd, 9:53 PM

She never showed up today…I wonder what’s going on. Maybe she had other things to do. It’s fine, really. I’m annoyed, honestly. I waited around all day. I’ll keep checking until I see her again. 

Click

January 28th, 7:06 PM

My sweet girl has gone missing. I haven’t seen her in quite some time now. This is just ridiculous. The woman I love…is she avoiding me? No, no that cannot be. 

Click

February 2nd, 8:31 AM

I haven’t slept well in days. I’ve been awake for twenty six hours now…my mind feels like it’s filled with static and yet, I feel sharper than ever. I’ve gone to the cafe every day. Still no sign of her. I’m slipping back into my old ways, the darkness is going to return any moment. I’ve begun to hear the laughter in the shadows again. They’re making fun of me, I just know it. I need her…oh, I need her so bad. How could she do this to me? Does she not know how much I suffer when she’s not around? If I don’t see her again soon, I will never recover.

Click

February 5th, 6:21 PM

I finally saw her again today. My heartrate spiked and I nearly leaped from my seat to kiss her, to hold her, sway her side to side in a deep hug. Instead, I slipped a tracker into her purse as I walked by her chair. I must know where she works, where she lives, and what she enjoys in her free time. She slipped away from me so easily…can’t let that happen again. I need to know every little thing about her. She is my one and only after all. It would be ridiculous to love someone so deeply and know nothing about them. She is too beautiful, I cannot let her wander around unsupervised. There are some crazy people out there—you never know what could happen. I can’t lose her. I must keep her safe. I will possess her heart. No one else can have her but me. 

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.

Satoru observed her for months, shadowing her all around town. He knew the woman’s routine like the back of his hand, before he ever learned her name. Sunday’s she went grocery shopping, Monday after work was her pilates class, every couple of Thursday’s she was at the nail salon, and Friday’s were seemingly payday–he picked up on her pattern of going out to nice restaurants every other week. Satoru eventually got an upper-level management position at a company that shared the office building with her job–he is incredibly intelligent and overqualified, after all; they would be foolish to not hire him. Now he could really keep an eye on her.

That was when he finally learned her name–the two of them taking the same elevator. She didn’t recognize him as the man who seemingly had the same routine as her–it’s one of the many reasons why Satoru loved her so much: her naivety. She looked into his eyes for the first time that day, her voice was soft and angelic, and the name that fell from her lips sent waves through Satoru’s body, the same name that would now be coupled with his gasping moans every evening as he stroked himself to the thought of her. 

With Satoru’s new job that brought him one step closer to her, he knew he could no longer watch her in the way he used to. His movements had to be more calculated, putting more distance between them than he normally would or hiding behind the deep tint of his car windows. If she saw his face too frequently, she surely would have caught on. Satoru smiled at the possibility of her never catching on…how she’d greet him with a smile and a friendly hug each time they “coincidentally” bumped into one another, giggling about their lives' odd synchronicities. Such a sweet girl. If only she knew.

He stopped into her job, a small gift bag hanging off his slender fingers, desperate to watch her eyes light up with the sweet gesture of an unexpected gift. He asked to see her, only to be informed by the receptionist that she had the day off.

It was no worry, he didn’t let that dull his excitement. “I’m a friend of hers, brought this in to surprise her. Do you mind showing me to her desk, I’ll just leave it there for her when she returns to work,” he said kindly. The lady working the front desk blushed under his piercing gaze and handsome features, nodding shyly and walking him to his lover’s designated area. 

Satoru thanked her, stepping into the cubicle to place his gift by her computer. His eyes glazed over her workspace. It was decorated with trinkets and family photos. He picked one up, his thumb tracing over her face. His pretty girl. That smile could bring about world peace; it definitely quieted the angered voices in his head. He scanned her desk, a moment of envy shooting through him at the thought of her dainty fingers dancing over the keyboard rather than tangling in his hair. He groaned internally, looking over his shoulder to ensure no one was around, before ducking down, rummaging through his beloved’s drawers. Stowed away in the bottom of the unit was a fuzzy, white cardigan. He brought the fabric to his nose, inhaling deeply, stifling the filthy moan that nearly echoed through the cubicle. He quickly tucked it into his jacket, took one last look around, and headed toward the exit. 

In the safety of his vehicle, Satoru whipped the clothing out from under his wing, bringing it to his face once more. He undid his belt buckle with haste, shoving his dress slacks halfway down his thighs before his large fist swaddled his cock with the fuzzy white cardigan. He nearly sobbed at the contact, the smell of his car filling with her beautifully floral perfume. He brought the free edge up to his nose, taking another whiff as his hand worked furiously against his shaft. He had never finished so quickly in his life, staggered whimpers and choked moans fell from his parted lips as fat ropes shot up onto his abs and chest. His cheeks were flustered a violent red as he wiped his sticky shame away with her top. After he came, then did his clarity, and Satoru’s body ached with the thought of how good it would feel to finally be sheathed within her sticky walls, rather than her soft clothing. I’ll be with you soon. Soon, my love. 

These feelings were getting unbearable. His overactive brain had him teetering on the edge of insanity. He needed more. His imagination was no longer enough to satiate the hunger that gnawed so deeply in his core, the distanced watching and hopeless longing for the love of his life created jagged rifts in his already damaged psyche. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take. A few deep breaths and the promise he made to himself to take action soon quelled his burning desire. But for how much longer could Satoru repress the demon that clawed through his body?

Satoru surveyed her while she ran to the bank, walked her dog, or took her car to the wash. But his most favorite place to watch her was from the bench just outside her bedroom window, engulfed in darkness. Pretty girl lived on the second floor, her silly little brain assumed she didn’t need curtains. She never saw him, but he always saw her. All of her. Drinking in the way her clothes were delicately removed from her pretty little frame, the way she turned and posed in the mirror–so good to him. How her skin glistened after she got out of the shower, the water droplets running along her body in the same way Satoru wanted to. 

He fell into a state of bliss, feeling spoiled by the show he was getting tonight. The lotion that she worked into her body, the beautiful set of lingerie that she dawned. His eyes buzzed around his sockets, elation flooding through him. Gorgeous, gorgeous girl. But his body went rigid and his jaw locked tight at the appearance of another man behind the love of his life. He sat upright, shoulders stiff and heart pounding in his ears at the thought of his sweet being in danger, he cursed himself for not being more aware of her surroundings on her behalf. But when his darling girl turned to the unknown man with a smile, greeting him with a gentle kiss with the lips that were supposed to be just for Satoru, his heart shattered into a million pieces. 

Oh, no. This just won’t do, my love. You are mine. 

Jealousy coursed through his veins while he looked into her room, rage balled in his fists as he watched a random man have her in the one way Satoru couldn’t. Not yet, at least. He must’ve been new in her life, judging by the way his nervous hands explored every part of her skin. Satoru laughed at this–he knew he could please his woman so much better. But betrayal nipped at the back of his neck; how could she do this to him? Had his loyalty fallen on unappreciative shoulders? No, that couldn’t be. Satoru knew she was better than that, he picked her for a reason, after all. She was just playing hard to get. 

You rejected my advances and desperate pleas, and now you throw your relationship in my face. It’s punishment enough that I can’t have you, but I won't let you let me down so easily.

Feeling at a loss, swallowed whole by his hungered desperation, he did what any rational person would. He moved in next door.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.

Satoru Gojo was your next-door neighbor. He moved in only a few months after you did. You were elated, chalking it up to a lucky roll of the dice that you had met by chance at your job; he had started working for the company that shared the office park with yours. It really seemed like things were on the come-up for you. He was kind, confidently intuitive, funny, and supportive. Mildly egotistical, but it worked for him. He always invited you over for dinner and movie nights and was a strong, dependable shoulder for you to cry on. You had just moved to the city, feeling utterly lost and absolutely gutted about being so far from your support systems now, and he was your first friend. You felt safe knowing he was just a wall away. 

On a random Sunday, you opened your front door to see all the food you loved sitting at your doorstep–weird, you were just about to leave for the store. You turned your head, seeing Satoru peeking out from his cracked door, grinning at you. 

“Was this you, Satoru? You didn’t have to…this is incredibly thoughtful,” you beamed, stepping over the grocery bags to give him a tight hug. “You’re the best, I don’t know how I could ever repay you.” But Satoru did, he knew exactly what you could do for him.

When you needed a ride to work, he jumped in to save you. The two of you worked in the same building after all. It was a crazy coincidence that your new neighbor turned best friend worked just a few floors above you. It’s such a small world, isn’t it? But it worked out perfectly for the two of you. 

There was a month where you were short on rent, and there was Satoru, paying the rest on your behalf. 

You weren’t catching on. Sweet, naive girl. Oh, how he loved you. I need to work harder to get her attention.

Satoru was not a patient man, but for you, he would do anything and everything to get you right where he wanted you, expertly playing the long game. It began with the fated sighting of you sitting in a cafe, and snowballed into something bigger. At first, he only ever observed you, maybe the minor occasion of overstepping, but as time went on, he couldn’t sit idly by. It was time to make his move.

His disruptions in your life started inconspicuously. Leaving for a date? You found your car tires slashed and windows shattered in the parking deck. Now there’s a police investigation. Bummer…gotta cancel the date. Had a guy over? Satoru’s apartment flooded. Weird… that was the second time this month. 

“You gotta talk to the landlord about this, ‘Toru,” you sighed. He had to stay at yours that evening. 

You cried on his shoulder, telling him that some guy stood you up on a date you had been anticipating for weeks. There was an electrical fire in that man’s apartment that night. Must’ve been faulty wiring...or something.

His apartment flooded again. He was back at your door. You welcomed him with open arms, of course. He’s so good to you, the least you could do is help him out, as well. 

Satoru, you’re slipping. That’s too many times in one month. Ease up or she’ll catch on.

Friday night, in a wild happenstance, he bumped into you while you were out with another man, enjoying a nice dinner together. He smiled warmly at the two of you, before politely dismissing himself. His cheery smile dropped into a demented grin once he stepped out of the restaurant as he anonymously called in a bomb threat to the establishment. You were so shaken up at the entire ordeal you practically begged Satoru to stay with you that night. He’d be a fool to turn you down.

Satoru got everything he wanted. You were just a tough nut to crack, is all. No big deal. He loved a challenge. After all, how could you not love him by now?

But nothing was working. You couldn’t catch the hint, even with everything he threw at you. He was always the one there for you, even when you weren’t aware of it. What more could he do to prove that he was the only person you needed? I’m reliable, witty, and loving… how can she not see this? He finally snapped. The last straw? Hearing your pleasure-filled cries while getting fucked by another man, your “boyfriend”. The lewd sounds ricocheted around your room, shooting through the thin walls of your apartment and straight into his listening ears.

Tsk, tsk. Now you’ve done it. Always been such a tease. 

For as cocky as he was, it’s oddly fitting. In his mind, everything belonged to him, including you. And with that, his demented plan was in full effect. He had hoped to spare you, prayed that you would fall in love with him before he lost his composure completely. But your sweet, naive nature had proved to be a difficult wall to break down. 

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.

Click

The sound of your front door’s lock disengaging echoed through the empty hallway. Satoru stepped in, inhaling deeply as he shoved your house key into his back pocket. It was far easier to gain access into your home than he had originally anticipated; he was fully prepared to break in, but all he had to do was tell your landlord you went out of town and you forgot to leave a key with him before you left. The manager of your apartment complex knew how close you and Satoru were, so it was an easy lie to tell. But it couldn’t have been further from the truth. You weren’t out of town, he wasn’t house sitting, and you had no intentions of having company this evening.

Seated at your desk, he opened your laptop and navigated his way to your iMessage settings, ensuring you could only send and receive texts from your laptop. Clicking on the messaging app, he stifled the gag that threatened to escape his throat as he clicked on the thread between you and your boyfriend, his contact name “my love” in your phone. He rolled his eyes, before drafting a quick text: 

-Hey, baby. I have a half-day at work today…dinner and wine at my place tonight? ;)

He grinned at the quickness of your boyfriend’s response.

-I would love that. What time, my love?

Satoru scoffed at the pet name. He doesn’t deserve to call you that. Poor bastard needed to learn his place. Heat rose in his chest, jealousy emanating through his skin as he crafted his response.

-3pm…Can’t wait to see you.

Everything was going according to plan. Satoru glanced at the clock beside him: 11:17 AM. It was time to get set up, he had a big day planned for you, and his first guest would be arriving in a few short hours. 

A knock rang through the apartment as Satoru finished lighting his final candle. He smiled wide, sauntering over to the door. He swung it open, grinning politely at your boyfriend. “...Hey, man…didn’t expect to see you here…” he said warily as Satoru stood to the side and gestured him in, a quizzical look painted on your partner’s face as he stepped through the doorway. The door shut and the lock was reengaged. “Where’s…” but before he could get his question out, his chin was met with Satoru’s right fist.

Satoru made quick work of dragging his body upstairs. He dug through the unconscious man’s pants, pulling out his cellphone. Satoru was disgusted to see that you were his lockscreen. This pitiful man wasn’t worthy enough to be with you. He rolled his eyes, unlocking the man’s phone and sending you a text: 

-Hey, beautiful. Come straight home tonight. I’m making dinner for us. See you when you get off work.

You smiled at the familiar ding of your phone, the notification effectively distracting you from your tedious paperwork. Your heart soared at the message, sighing deeply and shifting your weight around in your office chair. Your hand rubbed at your face in an attempt to hide your blushing cheeks. 

“What is it?” your coworker asked. 

“Oh, nothing. I thought my boyfriend forgot our anniversary cause I hadn’t heard from him all day…but he just texted me saying he’s at my place and is making dinner for us tonight.” A giddy smile couldn’t help but drag across your face. 

Satoru looked at the clock: 3:28 PM. You would be home in an hour or so. Just a few more things had to be done, everything had to be perfect.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.

Your heart rate spiked as you got closer to your apartment door, keys jingling against your palm as you fumbled with the lock, excitement making your movements a bit clumsier than usual. You entered and kicked off your heels, and as you turned to toss your keys onto the small table in your foyer, you noticed a small card that said “Read Me” placed perfectly in the center of the tray. You were perplexed as your eyes scanned over the note. “Go to the living room” was all it said.

You blushed, a nervous smile pulling at the edge of your lips as you crept to the other room. Your eyes went wide at the sight; deep red roses were placed in the center of the coffee table and every accessible surface around the couch was adorned with beautifully flickering candles. Another note was on the table, your fingers fumbled with the edge of the card as you opened it: “Have a seat, take a sip, and press play.” You settled on the couch, noticing a glass of alluring red wine to the right of the roses. You took a few deep, fulfilling swigs of your drink before grabbing the TV remote. Your face twisted a bit, examining the glass in your hand, the flavor of wine different than the one you were used to. It was a special night after all, your thoughtful boyfriend must have wanted you to branch out this evening. Where is he, anyway? As you pressed play, you called out for him, only to be cut off by your own confusion as Satoru’s face appeared on your TV screen. You watched with perplexity as Satoru recentered his chair, smiled, relaxed his face, and then smiled again.

No…no, no, no. What is this? You were locked in place, the melodious sounds of Satoru’s voice cascaded out of your surround sound system. He looked different though, his eyes were dull and low, his voice monotonous–his alarming difference in demeanor sent a chill down your spine. Your groggy mind inferred that this must’ve been an accident. Maybe it was casted to the wrong TV. I shouldn’t be seeing this…these are Satoru’s video diaries. 

You so badly wanted to tear your eyes away from the screen, this seemed like such an invasion of privacy. But you were entranced, staring intently toward the TV, though you didn’t really have a choice, your body was completely numb now. 

“January 16th, 4:06 AM

I woke up drenched in the feeling of lethargy again—another night of only an hour’s worth of sleep. Nothing feels real when you hit a certain point…” you fought to keep your eyes open, to piece together what the hell was happening, until your body eventually succumbed to sleep.

When you finally came to, you were laid out on your bed, fully nude. Soft grunts lingered in the air as you worked your hardest to refocus your eyes, your head pounding. You shifted your weight onto your forearms, your neck straining as it felt like your brain was filled with lead, eyes searching your bedroom for the culprit of the moans. One glance to the left, a quick look to the right, before you stared straight ahead at the wall directly across from the bed. Your body lurched in fear as your heart sank, the source of the sounds now looking you dead in the eyes: The man you had been seeing for the past couple of months, gagged and tied to a chair, his bloodied face twisted up in agony. 

You tried to call out for him. Your feeble attempts to drag your heavy body closer in order to console him were interrupted as the room was suddenly illuminated with the streaming lights of a projector. Your movements halted as you shielded your eyes immediately, the bright interruption feeling like a flashbang to your sensitive head. 

“We didn’t get to finish my show and tell,” a voice spoke up from the dark corner. 

“Satoru?? Wha…what is going on?” you cried out, tears spilling from your eyes while your hands attempted to cover your modesty. You tried your hardest to sit upright, your head spinning, unsure if Satoru was the culprit or your savior. Your body felt like it was anchored to the floor, your head throbbing with every word that tore through your chest. 

“There’s no need for all that yelling, sweetheart,” Satoru grinned, crouching down next to you. You winced as his hand cupped the side of your face, his thumb brushing away the tears that trickled down your cheeks. 

Click

Metal cuffs clamped down on your wrists before you could even register what was happening. A million unanswered questions spun through the room as you frantically searched through his blue eyes, hoping to find any sort of insight into the torment he was inflicting upon the two of you. 

“This is what’s gonna happen, okay? I need you to listen to me.” His voice was sickeningly sweet, each syllable that left his lips more damning than the last as he dragged your limp body up the bed, securing your wrists to the headboard and angling your body toward the projected video on your wall. A crazed grin lit up his dull face as he raised his hand, pointing the remote toward the projector. “You’re gonna sit here and look all pretty f’me while you watch these tapes, and if you move, if you stop paying attention for even a second…” Your stomach churned at how gently he was able to give such vile instructions. He turned his attention towards your partner, the blade of a knife twirling through the slender fingers of his free hand, “...He’s dead. Understand, angel?” 

You nodded reluctantly, unable to do anything else but comply with his demands. Your head was spinning, trying to digest the fact that this was the same person who had paid your rent and entertained your rants after a hard day of work. You listened as his voice continued to drabble over the static of the projector, recalling how bland that day had been until he saw your face. How he must’ve dreamt of you because there was no way your beauty could exist outside of his imagination. To you, it had been a normal Tuesday afternoon. To him, it had been the start of the rest of his life. 

The longer you watched, the more the realization set in that the sweet gestures he presented to you were not out of the goodness of his heart, but from the darkness of his spirit, driven by his wanton lust. Your face was slack, eyes wide in horror. Disappointment crawled through your chest at your own naivety. How could I be so oblivious? So trusting? 

Satoru’s eyes bored into the side of your face as he sat beside you, his hands rubbing deep circles into your bare thighs, pure elation shooting through his veins at his sweet girl finally having a look into his mind. The look of terror that painted your beautiful face made his heart leap with joy. Satoru’s giddy demeanor dropped as pained grunts emerged from the tethered man against the wall. He stood, closing the distance between the two of them, his fist encircling your boyfriend’s throat. You began to protest, to plead with Satoru to leave him be, but the rage that filled his eyes made you shut your mouth. “Uh uh…eye’s on the screen, my love.” Your head snapped back toward the videos, fat tears rolling down your cheeks as the muffled wailing of your boyfriend filled the room. 

As the final video played, Satoru returned to your side, kneeling on the edge of the bed as he  stroked the back of your head and rubbed at your cheeks. “Can’t you see all that I’ve done for you?” He grabbed your face, digging his fingers deep into the space under your cheekbones, forcing your lips into a pucker. “You belong to me, my love.” A deep growl rumbled through his chest, “You look so fucking beautiful like this.” He leaned down and crashed his lips into yours, his hot tongue bullying its way through your tight lips. Small whines echoed through your mouth and into his, and Satoru greedily swallowed up your sounds with ease. Whimpers of protest came from the wall across from your bed, but they were quickly drowned out by the wet sounds of smacking lips and battling tongues.

He broke away, a thick trail of spit still connecting the two of you. Satoru released your cheeks with a gentle shove, throwing his leg over yours to straddle you. He dropped his head to your neck, his white hair brushing against your skin. You winced as he licked a thick line from your collarbone to your ear. “I finally get to have you,” he whispered, nipping at your flesh, “You ready to give yourself to me, princess?” Your eyes widened in horror, your gaze affixed towards your boyfriend, blood trickling from the fresh cuts on his cheeks. Your head shook side to side, tears brimming in your eyes once more as your thoughts raced through your mind, causing a traffic jam in your throat. “I…no, I can’t…he’s…” Satoru’s palm covered your mouth, a groan erupting from the back of his throat as his eyes rolled deep into his skull. He sat back, staring down at you, his free hand running its fingertips between your breasts. “This has nothing to do with him…It’s just me and you now, my love.” Your head snapped up to stare at your captor as the rough pads of his fingers brushed over your nipples. A stifled moan teased the back of your throat, an exasperated look of fear in your eyes as you stared up at Satoru.

Your cheeks flushed as you held his gaze. He grinned back down at you before rolling the hardened bud between his fingertips. Your chest arched toward him, a shameful hum dancing from your lips as he played with you. A deep laugh erupted from the blue-eyed man at your unintentional reaction, his head thrown back with pure joy as he continued to pull at your nipples. He leaned into your neck once more, his teeth grazing the outer shell of your ear. “I knew it,” he purred, “Knew you wanted me, too. You were just playing hard to get, isn’t that right?” You shook your head once more, your words constricted in your chest. “N-no…I never wanted you,” you retorted, head thrown to the side, attempting to distance yourself from him, but to no avail. The weight of him anchored your lower half to the mattress while your tethered wrists held you in place.

A deep chuckle rumbled through Satoru, “So if I feel your pussy, it won’t be absolutely soaked right now?” A pathetic whimper escaped your throat as you shook your head furiously. The rolling motion against your nipples halted and his hand trailed lower down your abdomen. “Hmm…let’s see then, shall we?” he taunted, tracing your skin before rubbing your folds and dipping into your core. “I knew it…you’re fucking drenched f’me, sweetheart.” He shoved two fingers in, shallowly teasing your hole before withdrawing, bringing his sopping digits between your faces, turning his wrist as the dim light of the room illuminated the wetness, making it glisten ever so slightly. He examined them before meeting your fearful gaze. “Why did you lie?” He sucked his middle digit into his mouth, his tongue lapping hungrily at your sweet juices as his eyes fluttered shut. A hum emanated from Satoru as his other soaked finger pushed past your lips, “Here, have a taste, pretty girl,” his long digit dancing around your tongue. “So fucking sweet. You have no idea how badly I’ve been craving this.” 

“I’ll ask you again, princess…Why’d you lie to me? I thought you were better than that,” he teased, an insincere pout twitching at his lips as he cradled your chin. Your body thrashed as his hands pawed down your body, plunging two fingers deep inside you again. Your back arched toward him, his knee between your legs was the only thing keeping you open for him. “I…It wasn’t..ahh!– I wasn’t lying…I–”. Your words fell on deaf ears as a wicked smile crept across Satoru’s face.

“Shhh…shhh my sweet girl, just lay back and enjoy,” he smirked as he crawled down your body, laying himself flat on the bed with his head nestled between your legs. Satoru’s body no longer shielded you from your boyfriend, your teary eyes darted across his face, a silent apology being sent his way. Small gasps escaped your lips as Satoru continued to pump into you, the tips of his curled fingers toying with your sweet spot. When you stared down at him, the look of pure desire peered back at you, the dampness between your legs skyrocketing at the sight. A scarlet dusting of shame brushed across your cheeks at your clear enjoyment of all this, even though it betrayed every natural instinct you had. His tongue darted out from between his lips, the tip circling your swollen clit as his fingers dipped in and out of you, his movements spurred on by his own desperation.

He was delirious, suckling against your clit while his fingers worked into you with fervor, moans and growls echoing through the room as he drank you in. You so badly wanted to break away, to console your boyfriend who had an unintentional front row seat to you falling apart on someone else’s tongue, but you couldn't bring yourself to stop him, his digits hitting spots inside you that you didn’t even know existed. Pleasure ripped through your body as a tightening sensation crept its way into your stomach. The rattling of your cuffs echoed through your bedroom as you fought against your restraints, desperately wanting to tangle your fingers in Satoru’s hair.

Your hips bucked toward his mouth, your body aching for release as your pelvis thrusted against his flattened tongue. You didn’t dare look away from Satoru, for you knew there was another set of eyes affixed upon the damning scene that was unfolding. He continued to hum and suck and pump into your core as you tightened around him, his slender fingers quickly coaxing your orgasm from your writhing body. Your eyes screwed shut as your gushy walls spasmed around his fingers, your release painting Satoru’s overly-eager face. He lapped at you some more, working you through your orgasm as he cleaned you up with his wickedly talented tongue. 

A deep growl broke through Satoru’s chest as he removed his head from between your legs, the back of his hand dragging across his chin, catching the last of your release before he licked you off of him. He sat upright, craning his neck to look over his shoulder, “Hope you were taking notes,” a smug grin on his face as he addressed your watching boyfriend. He redirected his attention to you. “Did so good f’me, angel. Dreamt of that for so long…” he grinned, his tongue darting out to trace along his lips, hoping there was still some of you coating his face “...I could do that all fuckin’ day.” 

Your shaking chest heaved as clarity settled into your mind. Satoru untethered your wrists from the headboard, shifting your body so that you were on your hands and knees, head positioned toward the wall your partner was leaning against. Strangled sounds rang from your boyfriend’s chest as you finally met his gaze. Humiliation prickling under your skin at the realization of what you had just done. But you had no time to dwell on it as Satoru repositioned himself on the bed.

“He’s gonna watch me destroy you, my sweet girl,” Satoru was kneeled behind you, lining himself up with your embarrassingly soaked entrance. He grasped your hips roughly, sinking into you in one fluid motion. You choked out a sob as you dropped your head in shame.

“You’re so pretty when you cry. He can’t help you…can’t save you. Go ‘head, keep cryin’ for him,” he cooed, his thrusts deep and slow inside of you. Jagged moans escaped your throat as the thick head of his cock brushed into your sweet spot. “He can’t make you feel as good as I do.”

He leaned down, reaching around to cradle your throat in his hand, squeezing tightly as he turned your head to the side, his sharp eyes running up and down your contorted face. “Can’t you see that you belong to me, how my poor heart aches for you? How badly I’ve needed you?” His thrusts were agonizingly slow but incredibly deep, the pressure in your tummy betraying your desire for this to stop. “That’s it, my love. Feel you clenching down on me…you’re getting off on this, aren’t ya?” His hips rocked deeper into you, the new depth had your hands clawing at the sheets of your bed as pleasure worked its way through your trembling body.

“He doesn’t treat you the way I do. He never will. No one is better for you than me, princess,” he seethes, his hand cupping your chin, holding your head up, “Now look in his eyes while I use you.” His pace picked up, pulling you back on to him with his anchored hand around your neck. A broken sob cut through your constricted throat as he fucked into you, the visceral sound of flesh smacking against flesh and whines and cries spun through the otherwise stiff air of your room. He palmed at the fat of your ass, pulling your body to meet his rough thrusts. A choked cry left your lips as you maintained eye contact with your boyfriend, crimson droplets running down his face, mimicking the pattern of your tears. You mouthed a silent “I’m sorry” to him before your eyes shut tightly, waves of sinful bliss pulsed through your body with every mean thrust of Satoru’s hips.

“Gettin’ so tight around me–f-fuuuck–you’re close, huh?” Your face contorted in shameful pleasure as you nodded, your back arching even more to take him deeper. “That’s it…c’mon, my love. Need you to cum on my cock,” Satoru begged, his voice airy as he got lost in your tight, sopping walls. “Show me how good I make you feel.” His words ricocheted around your head as the building pressure in your stomach finally snapped, your legs shaking violently as your orgasm ripped through your body, splattering onto Satoru’s thighs and the mattress below you. 

A few more strokes met your dripping center before Satoru bottomed out inside of you, thick ropes of his pearlescent seed painting your spasming walls. He finally released his tight grip around your throat, your head dropping immediately as indignity plagued your trembling frame. He pulled out, spreading your cheeks as he leaned down, an animalistic growl pulling from his chest as he watched his cum dribble out of your pussy. 

Satoru rubbed soothing circles into your lower back as you worked to regain your breath. “You’re mine,” he whispered. He unlatched the restraints from around your wrists, a coy smile tugging at the corners of his mouth at the purple bruises that marked your skin. He locked eyes with your boyfriend, a deranged smile dancing across his face as he reached for the discarded projector remote. 

Another familiar voice flooded through the speaker, but this time it wasn’t Satoru’s. “...We broke up a few weeks ago. No, no. Really, it’s okay. She was kind of a bitch anyway.” Your pupils widened as you stared back at the man you had just been feeling sorry for minutes ago, rage mixing into the vast sea of emotions you were already feeling while you watched a grainy video of him snaking his arm around another woman’s waist. The two of them were laughing outside of his house before she leaned in to kiss him. 

“My poor sweet girl.” Satoru’s hand brushed lightly against your cheeks, catching tears that you didn’t even realize had begun spilling out. “I didn’t want you to have to find out this way, but I didn’t have much of a choice, did I?”

There were a million other ways he could have broken the news to you, but that somehow wasn’t the most pressing issue at hand. 

“An eye for an eye, right?” The same haunting grin that you’d grown to know all too well spread across his face again, his blue eyes slicing into your ex-boyfriend’s. “I can’t believe that my entire world was in the hands of someone so undeserving…” he redirected his attention back to you and recaptured your cheeks in his hands. He leaned down to meet your gaze, unexpected softness replacing his usual sinister demeanor. “What do we do now, baby? It’s your call.”

Your pulse was ringing through your ears. “My call?” your voice was reduced to a whisper as you repeated it back to him. 

“I’m going to kill him either way, but I want you to tell me how.”

You pondered for a moment, still coming to terms with the chain of events that lead you to this one vengeful moment. 

Satoru stood, sauntering over to your boyfriend, stooping down to his level while his hands hovered over his gag. “When I take this off, I don’t want to hear anything other than remorse come from that pathetic fuckin’ mouth of yours.” Your boyfriend’s eyes shifted towards you, then back to Satoru, as he nodded pitifully. The tie was pulled from his mouth. His words were broken, barely audible. “I’m -” he choked out. “I’m sorry, I -”

Your stomach lurched as a sharp smack met his cheek, the painful sound resonating through the room. “You can do better than that. You got one more try,” Satoru spat, his eyes burning into your ex-lover’s bloodied face as he wrapped his fist around his throat, jostling his head around in a fit of rage. 

“Satoru,” you hardly recognized your tone let alone the thoughts that were racing through your head. The last few hours of your life had been a blur. The words you heard earlier made perfect sense now, “Nothing feels real when you hit a certain point.” You were officially at that point. “Satoru, don’t. Let’s just end this.”

It was the first time you’d ever seen the silver-haired man look surprised. His eyebrow raised, a mix of curiosity and amusement glinting in his eye. “Tell me how,” he repeated. “I need to hear you say it.” 

You were in a dream. Nothing more than a figment of Satoru’s imagination, just like he had said. It was the only thing that made sense to you because there was no way any of this was actually happening. 

“Rip his heart out,” your voice emotionless as you gazed toward the blue-eyed man. Satoru groaned deeply, his dick twitching at the sound of your pretty voice speaking his dark language. The same depraved grin pulled at the edge of his lips as he looked back at your ex. 

“Well,” he smirked, “looks like it’s decided then…” Adoration swam through his ocean eyes as he looked back at you, “I knew I picked the right one.”

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.

Click

The lock of your front door unbolted as your bodies pushed through the door frame, giggling as four glasses of wine danced through your systems. Satoru wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into a deep, passionate kiss. “Happy anniversary, my love,” he mumbled against your lips. His hands grasped yours as he led you toward the couch. 

You nestled into the warmth of his chest, his arm secured around you while you gazed around the room. Your head spun from the wine-induced nostalgia that this day had inevitably brought on. You were still in the same apartment, only it belonged to both of you now. A blend of sentimental gifts decorated your bookshelf that the two of you had collected over the last year. A camcorder, pressed red roses, framed vacation photos, and the first set of diamond earrings he’d bought you stowed away in a heart-shaped jewelry box. But out of all of the memories that tied you together, there was one that stood out the most. 

“Should we open it?” you whispered, drawing lazy circles into his shoulder.

You didn’t have to see his face to feel his smirk. He knew his girl and he knew her well. He stood wordlessly, retrieving a jar from the highest shelf. He presented it to you, a smug grin gracing his ethereal features, the same look that was permanently etched into your brain the night he got it for you. 

“Be my guest, princess.” You unscrewed the lid, peering into the jar as the strong scent of formaldehyde tickled your nose. You smiled longingly into the container, the overwhelming feeling of love reverberating through your chest. There was something so beautifully poetic about Satoru’s limerence, the lengths at which he went to steal the heart of another in order to fully possess yours. 

author note: im so sorry for not posting my sweets,, i had the worst case of writer's block and i was actively trying to work on six different WIPs...i was losing my mind.

this was quite the heavy fic to write...i hope i didn't scare anyone away with it lol

alsoooo!! sending out the biggest thank you to @remlionheart for forcing me to finish this...my editor, my co-writer, the love of my life ♡ ⋆｡˚

© bratbby333 on tumblr. all rights reserved. please do no distribute. 2024.

[thebirdsandthebats]

Okay @s-p-r-i-n-g-t-i-m-e I’m sure you know plenty BUT I’m going to use your wonderful and hilarious comment on this as an excuse to talk about Bernard, bc I realized recently that there are plenty of ppl who haven’t read most of the comics he’s been in. So get ready for my long overdue:

UNPACKING BERNARD DOWD + HIS TRAUMA (for those who cannot keep up with comics but want to get to know him)

So to start, Tim met Bernard years ago ofc, when they were in high school. It’s established pretty quick that Bernard is an extremely Unserious guy LMAO, the first thing he does is literally circle Tim and try to feel him out socially, see what kind of guy he is. He’s the kind of guy who gets himself in trouble with his big mouth, and seems to enjoy poking at Tim and testing his patience. By the time we meet Bernard again in the recent years, he’s grown a lot, but at his core he’s still the light-hearted, fun, goofy guy with very strong opinions. Just less stand-offish, maybe

Throughout the time Tim spends at this school though, Bernard does experience some wild shit. He lost Darla (somebody he really cared about), he experienced a shooting at his school, and then Darla came back from the dead, kind of scared the hell out of him, and used him to contact Tim again. It was kind of played for laughs, but like. That’s gotta fuck you up. (Robin #140)

Obviously this is the kind of thing that maybeee has a lasting effect on you. And BECAUSE Tim Drake: Robin got cut so short and the writer had to rush to wrap up the series, we’re left to fill in a lot of gaps and draw conclusions about the years we didn’t see Bernard ourselves. But we absolutely get some insight as to his life after Tim left that school and we stopped seeing him in the comics. Spoiler alert: it was hard.

In TDR, Bernard discusses the the cult that he’d been in that Tim saved him from in Urban Legends. He says that “he’d accepted himself”, but others hadn’t. Obviously there’s the natural reading that he means his queerness (which has me chewing through drywall), but I think that he’s speaking very broadly too. Bernard is a very odd example of a civilian, because he’s always getting dragged into things much bigger than him. And even before that, he had his big ideas, his conspiracies, his loud personality. He tended to rub people the wrong way in high school. Then in issue #7 of TDR (the Bernard pov issue my most beloved, weird pacing aside) Bernard refers to this “oozy, sticky feeling” that he ALWAYS feels when Tim isn’t around. He says when he’s alone it’s harder to put one foot in front of the other. To keep GOING. To wake up every day.

I think that Bernard has always felt like an outcast. (Robin #121, he doesn’t fit into any clique). He wasn’t as okay with it as he acted. And I think he wasn’t getting any attention from his parents. (Batman: Urban Legends #5, Bernard’s parents nonchalance to the days leading up to his kidnapping)

So just like Bernard explained to Tim, that feeling got bad. and he wanted to let go. The chaos monsters, the cult, all of it was a means to an end. But then Tim agreed to see him again, and I think that sparked something in him. Because he started learning to fight. When he was tied down to that alter and Tim was saving him, I think it fully sank in to Bernard that he didn’t want to die. Reconnecting with Tim gave him hope and made him really feel something good for the first time in ages.

So now that they’re dating after the cult fiasco, we get to know this current Bernard. A less goading, maybe calmer Bernard. But he’s still himself, of course, rambling about his ideas and making bad jokes and sticking to his guns (he has NEVER been a pushover, no idea where people get that idea?). I think a lot of people complained that Bernard mellowed out too much in terms of attitude, but I think if he seems “nicer” it’s because 1) he’s grown now. It’s been a while since we last saw him, and he’s clearly changed a lot. And 2) because he’s dating Tim now. He likes him a lot, and he’s an affectionate partner. He wants to lift Tim up.

But the fact that he was pulled into a cult still remains. And as lighthearted as Bernard tries to be, that traumatic experience still happened. It said in Urban Legends #5 while Tim was searching for him that Bernard had welts on his arms and legs and had been acting different, so it’s not like he was just snatched up on a whim. He’d spent significant time there. For those who haven’t read much abt the ways cult trauma specifically can fuck you up, I recommend doing a search if you’re in a good headspace for that and want to understand him more. because it’s pretty bad.

And then! yeah. you guessed it. Bernard gets kidnapped again. Chained up next to a BOMB that’s counting down. RIGHT WHEN HE’S WORKING ON HEALING FROM ALMOST BEING SACRIFICED BY A CULT.

And surely this can’t get crazier. He’s almost died twice in the past 6 months. except, remember his parents? In TD:R #7, we really see a little more of his relationship with his parents. He doesn’t live up to their standards, and his dad specifically seems to just want to argue with him. The restaurant they’re at is attacked, and everything goes to shit, and. you know, I think these panels really speak for themselves.

And for the record, when it’s revealed that everyone is seeing their worst fears, Bernard’s parents fears are not about him.

So now Bernard has to deal with that. And we start to see that Bernard is really not as okay as he’s tried to be. He keeps a baseball bat by his door because he’s been kidnapped twice now. And just when he’d likely thought things couldn’t get worse, he heard the Chaos Monsters were back. I can’t imagine he feels safe. He lashes out for the first time since all this has happened and yells at Kate and Tim, because while they’re doing what they feel is necessary to save more people (AND I DONT BLAME THEM AT ALL), Bernard can’t talk about it.

And I will forever be sad and insist that TD:R got cancelled too soon, just before we could get into the really juicy stuff, because things had to be wrapped up pretty quick and this was the only comic Bernard was consistently appearing in. But when Tim is giving himself up to the chaos monsters, Bernard goes out and rallies anyone he knows can help. Things were rushed because there was no more time to flesh out the story the way it could have been, but I’m including these panels just because I love Bernard Audacity Dowd using a fucking flashlight and shadow puppet to call Batman. geeking out for a minute. And then leading the battalion to save Tim with a SLEDGEHAMMER. gay people rule.

So yeah! While I see the vision of how a lot of Bernard’s trauma was meant to be semi-resolved and let him come to peace after saving Tim back, we just didn’t have the time for him to heal properly. I’d give anything to get inside his brain again. UHH IF YOU READ THIS I HOPE YOU LOVE BERNARD NOW and don’t come at me if I left something out, some of my comics aren’t with me rn. Bonus TimBer for the road:

[littjara-mirrorlake]

From my in-progress homebrew D&D 5e supplement, Plane Shift: Mirrodin/New Phyrexia: playable Myr!

They've been beloved in playtesting, with no fewer than three myr PCs appearing in the party over the course of a 3-year campaign. They are one of two new playable races in Plane Shift: New Phyrexia, along with the core-born Phyrexian.

Constructed Resilience and Sentry's Rest are abilities that previously appeared on the Warforged in Eberron: Rising from the Last War, and Regenerative Repair is a less restricting version of the ability Healing Machine from Astral Adventurer's Guide.

Text from the image under the cut!

Metallic, beak-headed myr inhabit Mirrodin, scampering at the feet of larger humanoids and largely considered below their attention. Few know of their true origin as creations of the mad wizard Memnarch, designed to be mechanized servants and his eyes across the plane. Following Memnarch’s fall, the myr found themselves with sapience and free will, though their core values of duty, community, and knowledge remain.

Myr Traits

Type. You are a Construct. You are also considered a myr for any prerequisite or effect that requires you to be a myr.

Ability Score Increase. Your Intelligence score increases by 2, and your Dexterity score increases by 1.

Age. As constructed creatures, myr don’t grow old in the traditional sense, and they are able to live indefinitely if well-maintained. You are immune to magical aging effects.

Size. Myr average about 3 feet tall. Your size is Small.

Speed. Your base walking speed is 25 feet.

Constructed Resilience. You have resistance to poison damage and immunity to disease, and you have advantage on saving throws against being poisoned. You don’t need to eat, drink, or breathe. You also don’t need to sleep, and magic can’t put you to sleep.

Darkvision. Your constructed senses grant you superior vision in dark and dim conditions. You can see in dim light within 60 feet of you as if it were bright light, and in darkness as if it were dim light. You can’t discern color in darkness, only shades of gray.

Bonus Proficiencies. You gain proficiency in one skill and one tool of your choice. The tool you chose is integrated into your body and cannot be removed while you live.

Networked Minds. You can communicate telepathically with other myr within 120 feet of you.

Sentry’s Rest. When you take a long rest, you must spend at least six hours in an inactive, motionless state, rather than sleeping. In this state, you appear inert, but it doesn’t render you unconscious, and you can see and hear as normal.

Regenerative Repair. If the mending spell is cast on you, you can expend a hit die, roll it, and regain a number of hit points equal to the roll plus your Constitution modifier (minimum of 1 hit point). Spells such as cure wounds and spare the dying which restore hit points or preserve life, and normally don’t affect constructs, function as if you were a humanoid.

Languages. You can speak, read, and write Common and one other language of your choice.

[lastflowerofyourhouse]

for some reason my brain has started rotating protesilaus the seventh.

you are a deadly effective fighter who has seen the frontlines. all you want is a peaceful retirement with your wife and children. you have been asked to swear your loyalty to a terminally ill teenager. you do it. you try to help her. you introduce her to your children. you cannot give her what she needs. you cannot save her. you breed roses in your spare time. you've let yourself go. you've earned letting yourself go. you're a middle-aged family man. you get a summons to serve the emperor. the girl you cannot save wants to go. she has a chance to become immortal, a chance to have a life. you cannot save her. you go with her. you don't even make it there. you cannot save her. you're dead. you will never see your children again. you choose to stay and help a different girl, at the behest of the dead girl you were sworn to protect. the two of you succeed in saving her. you crawl to each other and hug. your dead girl, the only one of the children you raised who you can still speak to, wants to stay behind to talk to her. it's dangerous. she is sick of roses. you cannot save her. you write generic freeverse poetry in your free time. you cannot save her.

[a-babe-without-a-name]

Sister Lovers, Water Brothers

Chapter 1: The Champion

Masterlist

Steve wasn't happy with the way Munson was treating one of his kids. So unhappy in fact, that he forces himself into their club leader's van to see what he's getting up to with Chrissy Cunningham, and maybe it's a good thing he's so paranoid because it might just save her life.

Or, the one where Chrissy doesn't die in the Munson trailer, and, despite the world-ending, the king(former) and queen(current) of Hawkins High cannot take their eyes off Eddie Munson

---------------

A.N. I co-wrote this with my roommate! We are going insane, it's gonna be along one so if you want to read on AO3 the link is below, just like and then head over :)

Read on A03

Greta, or Ms. G for those faint of heart, was running behind as expected.

Eddie was waiting for her outside the cafeteria, but the drama teacher was notorious for running late at almost any given moment. He didn’t mind waiting for Greta to finish up her last class to let him on stage, mostly for the fact she let them use the stage for Hellfire, but also hers one was one the few classes he’s managed to pass with an A.

“Don’t,” she emphasized her warning with a wrinkled finger, “touch the curtains. Any of the ropes for that matter. The trusses and the legs are all weighted and if you mess with them they could fall.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure the boys keep their hands to themselves.”

“I know, I trust you all, I just don’t want anyone getting hurt,” She waved him off and led him on stage, where she’d already cleared any of the theater’s work off to the sides. Pointing out a few for things not to touch and unlocking the lighting box.

He was not expecting, once she left him alone, for the cafeteria doors to bang back open only minutes later and for Steve fucking Harrington to clumsily push through the center of the curtains. As they fell back in place, he saw a glimpse of a girl lingering outside. What would the king be without a fan club?

“Don’t-” Eddie frantically reached up to stop him from fumbling with the fabric, trying to pull it closed behind him, but it was already too late. They both looked at each other waiting for the other to speak.

“Uhm, it's Eddie, right? Munson?”

Panicking at the sudden intrusion into his Hellfire set up he dipped into a half hearted bow, hands flourishing as they tended to when he was worked up, “‘Tis I.”

“I’m Steve.”

“Yeah I’ve got that much,” Eddie droned, when he didn’t say anything beyond introducing himself. “What are you doing here, man?”

“I wanted to talk to you…” Harrington ran a hand through his hair. His eyes bounced around the room, looking anywhere but Eddie, almost like he was nervous. “About Sinclair.”

“Lucas?”

“Yeah, look man, Dustin told me about the whole trying to find a sub for tonight but you gotta cancel, or at least let the rest of them make it too his game.”

“You want me to cancel?” Eddie laughed cruelly, arms crossing over his chest and pulling into himself only to push up into Harrington's personal space.

“For Lucas’s game, yes.”

“I’ve been working on this campaign for months! I’m not letting it go unfinished over spring break because Sinclair is a traitor!”

“So you know how it feels then?” Steve demanded, stepping back out of Eddie’s face to give the stance full effect as he leaned forward, hand on his hip, and glared with a force that could knock a weaker man down.

“What?” Eddie breathed, refusing to be that weaker man.

“He’s been practicing all year for this!” He shouted, bull dozing over Eddie's confusion, before cutting himself off. Taking a step back, he looked down at his shoes and mumbled “I wasn’t supposed to yell.” He let out a controlled breath then restarted, calmer. “ He’s been practicing all year. I helped him all summer get ready for tryouts. This is something he cares about and you are all mad at him because a schedule he did not make conflicts with your game,” Steve hissed out, one of his hands off his hip so he can wave a pointed finger in Eddie’s face.

“Well… he was supposed to be one of us, and now he spends half his time with douchebags that push his friends into lockers, and call us freaks!” Eddie pushed back, moving in tighter as he got louder.

“One of you, one of them, what does it matter?” Steve asked almost sadly, “He’s supposed to be your friend. He’s a kid, who doesn’t want to be treated like one of the freaks and wants to enjoy the game he plays with his friends, and you’re the only thing stopping him from having both. You, Eddie Munson,” Steve declares, the finger now solidly on Eddie’s chest a burning point of contact, “hater of conformity are forcing one of yours to… conform.” he finished lamely.

Eddie opened his mouth to argue that if Lucas just dropped the whole sports thing, they wouldn’t be having this problem, but Steve cut him off. “You think he’s going to want to keep playing with you if you keep treating him like this? It’s the big game, and you all are shitty friends for not showing up, I hope you know that.”

“It’s my last campaign,” Eddie said softly, feeling the fight go out of him.

“I hope no one shows up for you then, I’ll be cheering on Lucas.” Harrington shook his head and shot one last disapproving glance back at Eddie before turning on his heel and disappearing back around the curtain.

Through it Eddie could still hear Steve arguing with the girl that had been trailing after him.

“That was a little mean wasn’t it.” That must be the girl.

“He’s bullying Lucas!”

“You were a bully t-”

“Yeah thanks, Robin, I know but I’m not going to let him-”

“Yeah, yeah you gotta defend your kids.”

“They aren’t my kids I just-”

“They are too.”

“Are not.” “Are too.” They traded back and forth as they must have made their way up the aisle, and out of ear shot. Stumbling back and leaning on the set pushed to the edges of the stage, Eddie stood, still in shock with hands clasped over his mouth as he tried to process what had just happened.

The stage lights they used to during Hellfire meetings were off, leaving the fluorescent work lights glaring down on him. Under the acrid yellow, Eddie felt overexposed, even as he tucked himself smaller into the throne he commandeered from Mrs. Pearson’s last production– some Shakespeare thing he hadn’t bothered to go see. 

The problem was, Eddie knew Harrington was kinda right. He was forcing Sinclair to choose between basketball and Hellfire, and there wasn’t really opting out of games for organized sports. He also felt stupid for not even thinking about seeing Lucas’s game, he’d just let the other boys bitch about him, probably not making it off the bench. When the hell had he become such a champion for cliques?

He sat there for god knows how long debating whether or not he could handle admitting Steve Harrington might have known better than him. He’d come to accept at some point in the last year that Steve might be an alright babysitter, but this… he didn’t know how to reconcile the image of Harrington from his glory days and this strange, caring, and awkward figure before him.

By the time the rest of Hellfire arrived, his legs were cramping from being curled in a ball, his ass was numb, nothing was set up, and the work lights were still on. He had made his decision.

“What the hell, Eddie?” Gareth asked, as their fearless DM sprung out of his throne, tripping and catching himself in a dance against gravity, before finishing with a sigh and a flourish.

“Gentleman, there will be no hellfire today,” Eddie announced solemnly, and already anticipating the club members' cries of despair kept talking over them. “Another great adventure awaits… in the gymnasium.”

“We’re going to the game?” Dustin asked as he arrived with Mike and another child wearing an American flag as a cape.

“Yes,” Eddie declared, a smug smile spreading across his face. “We’re going to support Sinclair.”

“My loser brother?” the child sneered. 

“Who is she?” Gareth asked.

“Erica,” She answered for herself at the same time Mike and Eddie said “Lucas’s sister.”

“And yes,” Eddie continued, “Hellfire, and Lady Sinclair apparently, will be attending the game in support of our fellow adventurer.”

“But he never even makes it off the bench,” Mike whined, “and we brought a replacement, let's just finish the campaign.” Eddie, sick of all the talking, stepped up onto the table smoothly and stalked across to the gathering of nerds.

“Good luck playing without  a dungeon master,” he shrugged, hopping off the other end, and pushing past the bickering crowd back into the hallway and out towards the gym. 

He didn't make it very far before the rest of them were trailing after him, some content to go along with his scheming, others, namely Wheeler, still complaining about wanting to play all the way there.

Once they made it inside the crowded gym, Eddie could barely spot Steve in the sea of green and yellow, but Steve saw him right away. 

The whole club came in together after the clock had been started and grabbed the closest seat they could find. Over the rising din of the crowd and the game picking up, Steve raised a hand to wave in recognition. Eddie ducked his head and nodded back subtly, hoping none of the guys noticed.

*

The final buzzer went off and the crowd erupted as the team picked up Lucas, lifting him above their heads to accept the cheers for his score. The band picked up the fight song, loud and fast, and eventually everyone was clapping along. 

When the celebration died down the energy carried on as everyone picked up their own conversations, recounting the game and the winning basket as they rushed for the exits.

On his way to the locker rooms, Dustin managed to snag Lucas by the arm and pulled him into a hug even as he jumped around, babbling about how well he did. Eddie slapped him on the back, and told him it was a good game that it was nice to see him play.

“I didn’t think you guys would be here,” he said with a bit of awe, the adrenaline still running through him making everything more fantastical, “What about Hellfire?”

“We decided to wait for you,” Eddie shrugged, before moving out of the way to let the other members greet their star player; even Mike offered him a slap on the shoulder, mimicking their DM, and managed to not complain about postponing the game.

Eventually, the gathered crowd filtered outside, and began to dissipate as they piled into cars and made their way home. Groups of players and their friends lingered in the pools of light along the sides of the gym, waiting for the remainder of the team to make it outside.

The players and cheerleaders seemed to be debating who would be meeting up later, and who would be driving, while Steve tried to convince the gaggle of children that had ambushed him to find their own rides home.

“Get Nancy to take you home,” Steve waved toward Mike, already heading to join his sister.

“He had to be home five minutes ago,” Dustin rolled his eyes, like Steve should have all of their bedtimes memorized. “They don’t have time to drop me off, besides, looks like you’ve lost your date already.” The kid sounded almost scolding as he pointed out Steve’s failure to bring a girl home.

“She had her own ride, plus, I’m waiting for Robin,” He told Dustin for the third time, “Wasn’t your mom going to pick you up from dungeons and dipshits anyway?”

“Yeah, but you can just-”

“No! I told you, Robin has to change and deal with band stuff, so just go meet your… mom.” Steve’s voice trailed off as he watched Eddie wander away from the rest of his club, and gesture at someone coming out of the locker rooms, before turning back into the school. 

A minute later, Chrissy Cunningham carefully made her way toward the far corner of the parking lot. Whenever the basketball team let out another loud whoop, she looked back nervously and pushed further from the few lights in the parking lot. Steve watched her path, trying to convince himself that she wasn’t headed for the black van parked by itself. Today might have been the first time he’d actually spoken to Eddie, but everyone knew that van. Sure there were the typical rumors about who to talk to for weed, where to find him, but recently Steve had gotten used to Eddie tearing out of the parking lot as Steve arrived to pick the kids up from Hellfire. Every time it made him wonder how Eddie wasn’t already deaf, from how loud his music was blasting even in the parking lot.

“Steve! Steve!” Dustin was screeching at him trying to get his attention, but he shoved past the kid, close on Chrissy’s trail. 

The next time she looked back, checking to make sure no one near the gym had noticed her slip away, she did a double take as Steve came up next to her, just as she rounded the passenger side of the van.

“Hey Chrissy,” he greeted with faux casualty. “Crazy game right?” he laughed, letting her put space between them as she pulled her sweater closer around her, clearly off put. “You did a great job out there, you know, cheering everyone on.”

“Oh, uh, thanks Steve,” Chrissy shifted awkwardly, he hadn’t ever really spoken to her maybe in passing once or twice, but he had never approached her like this, “Thanks for coming.”

“Yeah, of course, Wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” Steve nodded, trailing off, “Huge night for the Tigers…uh Chrissy, by the way, where are you going?”

The question took Chrissy off guard, Steve seemed like a guy to mind his own business, this felt weird.

“Yeah, huge night…” She narrowed her eyes at him, trying to avoid the question. 

“Yep…” He looked down at her awkwardly, “So, where ya going?”

“Why do you care?” Chrissy snapped, curling a lip at him.

“I don’t know, I mean,” Steve shrugged, heaving a sarcastic sigh, “Your boyfriend just won what was probably the best game of his career, and you're here, waiting like a puppy outside Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson’s van.”

“What’s your damage, man?” Chrissy flinched, becoming overly defensive “I barely fucking know you, didn’t you graduate, like, last year? Leave me alone?”

“Chrissy listen, I really don’t think-”

“And I really don’t care what you think!” Chrissy half yelled, she ducked her head, glancing past Steve towards the crowds by the school, anxious about drawing attention.

“Please Chrissy I-” Steve tried to plead, 

“Hey!” Chrissy’s view of Steve was obscured when Eddie reached the van, stepping between them, “She said fuck off,”

“Well,” Steve shrugged, taking a step back, “That’s not exactly what she said,”

“Jesus H. Christ Harrington, what is this fucking boner you have over me all of the sudden,” Eddie shook his head in disbelief, “Can you go back to ignoring my existence for like two seconds?”

Eddie turned, making a point to slam his shoulder into Steve as he did so, and opened the car door for Chrissy. She thanked him with a small nod and climbed into the passenger seat, fumbling awkwardly with the usually unused seatbelt.

Eddie left Steve fuming at the side of the van as he made his way to the driver’s side. He hopped into the seat, jamming the keys into the ignition and trying to stifle his irritation in front of Chrissy, worried about scaring her off. 

Before he could put the van into reverse, the side door slid open with a bang.

“Nope!” Steve announced, climbing into the back and sliding the door closed behind him, “I’m coming with.”

“Like hell,” Eddie whipped around, genuinely too stunned at Steve’s brashness to react physically, “Get the fuck out.”

“No, no way, I don’t trust you!” Steve jabbed a finger at Eddie, crouching between the two front seats, “If you can’t do whatever it is you plan to with me around, probably shouldn't be doing it.”

“This is trespassing,” Eddie offered, still caught off guard, “I could have you arrested.”

“Yeah, okay” Steve reached under Eddie’s seat, snatching up a ziplock bag of weed, “I’m sure the cops would love digging through your van.”

Eddie huffed, quirking his jaw to the side in irritation as he gave in.

“I’m so sorry,” Eddie turned to Chrissy, soothing out the crease in his forehead, “If you want to do this another night…”

“No!” Chrissy interjected too enthusiastically, but she really felt like if she spent tonight sober she’d die, “I mean, it’s fine…. I really need this..” 

Steve raised an eyebrow, at Chrissy, suddenly unsure of what he stepped into. 

Eddie chewed his lip, he could see the desperation on Chrissy’s face. Fuck Harrington, Chrissy trusted him, he said he’d help her with this.

“Fuck it,” Eddie turned around and threw the van into reverse, “Buckle up Harrington.”

Chrissy sat back in the front seat, trying to stay out of view of the crowds in the parking lot. Eddie's reckless driving didn’t help keep eyes away from her as the Van sped through the parking lot, narrowly missing groups of highschoolers. When they were finally out of the post game traffic and away from the school, Chrissy let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She allowed herself to relax for a moment, forgetting about the uninvited guest in the back seat as she looked around Eddie's van. It  was…dirty, but not gross, and she could tell that he had swept up the loose items he usually kept in the passenger seat into a lidless shoe box on the floor by her feet. A pair of old concert ticket stubs were pinned in the visor above her head. A chain hung from the rear view mirror, a heavy oval locket hung at the bottom, and a few hair ties were wrapped around the mirror as well.

Chrissy glanced over at Eddie, one wrist draped over the steering wheel the other arm leaning against the open window. The parts of his hair closest to the side of his face whipped around in the wind, glancing off his cheek as he nodded his head along to the music, Chrissy wondered what he’d look like with his hair pulled back.

Catching herself staring at him, she jerked her head away choosing to instead look at herself in the side mirror. She looked tired, not from cheering at the game or classes all day, but in a way that made her look close to death. Movement on her left pulled her attention away from her own grim reflection. Eddie leaned over, ejecting the tape in his radio. He opened up the glove box in front of Chrissy, tossing the tape in with the others. 

“I’m sick of that album,” Eddie leaned back to his side of the car, he nodded towards the tapes in his glove box, “See if there’s anything you might like in there.”

Chriss hesitated for a moment before Eddie nodded at her again, encouraging her to look through them. She leaned forward, carefully sorting through the tapes, flipping them over and reading the names. Most of them were unrecognizable to her, the type of stuff Jason would call devil music. One stuck out to her though, the cover was unfamiliar, but she recognized the name. 

She put the tape in and turned the volume down, unsure of what this would actually sound like. The radio whirred for a moment before the sound of guitar on the first song began to play. 

“This is a good one,” Eddie laughed lightly, taking the case from her and looking at it, “This is Queen’s first album actually, their sound has changed alot since then. You listen to them alot?”

“I wouldn’t say… a lot,” Chrissy admitted, fidgeting with her necklace, “I used to listen to them more in middle school, but I haven't heard this one before. I think I like it though.”

“Yeah, it’s a good one.” Eddie agreed, “It’s been a while since I had it in, I’ll probably keep it on for a while…”

His words trailed off as he listened to the music. He nodded along to the beat, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

“Oh, you did really well at the game, by the way.” Eddie piped up, glancing over at her. 

“You were at the game?” Chrissy was surprised he came and more surprised she hadn’t noticed him there.

“Yeah, of course,” Eddie threw a pointed glance over his shoulder at Steve, turning sarcastic, “Tiger’s big game, wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”

“I’m glad I went. Really!” Eddie offered up, worried the bite meant for Steve was coming off like he meant it for Chrissy, “You do that cheer thing, like, really well.”

“Thank you,” She liked that he seemed to appreciate her cheering, even if the rest of the school didn’t sometimes, “I’m glad you were able to make it to the game.”

“Yeah, of course.” Eddie nodded, chewing the inside of his cheek, “You’ll have to let me know what other things you cheer at, it was super cool, you looked great…”

“Oh, so you came to the game just to watch the cheerleaders?” Steve scoffed, “and now what you’re stealing Jason’s girl-”

Chrissy jumped, surprised at Steve’s sudden interjection. When she turned around to look at him, he was leaning forward in the tiny fold-down seat in the back of the van.

“Woah, woah!” Eddie laughed in disbelief, “First of all, you’re the one that coerced me into going to the game-”

“Cause you were being an ass to Lucas,” Steve sneered, but Eddie argued over him. 

“And you might think that women are property, Harrington, but not all of us only talk to girls who’s pants-”

“Hey!”

“Thought, it’s not like you’ve been getting any recently anyway, if Henderson knows his shit,” Eddie half regretted saying it, only for the fact he was betraying Dustin's trust, but the way it made Steve turn a deep shade of red, proving the statement true, was worth it. 

Chrissy watched the two bicker for a moment, confused as to whatever relationship they had. She assumed they had never had an interaction in their lives, but it seemed like they knew more about each other than just distant school peers. She turned away, deciding to be more interested in whatever was outside 

The town of Hawkins whipped by the open window, suburban houses giving way to dense forests as they got closer and closer to Forest Hills. The town she spent most of her life in felt unfamiliar tonight, darker and colder than it should on a night in March. Then the scenery began to slow down, unblurring until everything was still as the van rolled to a stop.

Chrissy waited a beat and then, realizing the boy's argument had petered out, looked forward. Confused to see the straight road stretched out in front of them, no stop sign like she expected.

“What are we-” Chrissy began, stopping when she realized Eddie was no longer on the driver’s seat, “Eddie?” 

She turned around in her seat, Steve also missing from where he just was.  She unbuckled her seat belt, kneeling in the seat to look further into the back of the van.

“Eddie?” She waited a moment, “Steve?”

Nothing, just the gentle rumble of the idling van. 

Chrissy opened the door, climbed out onto the street, and looking around. The road was empty, no sign of the boys she had just been in the car with less than a minute ago. She called for them again, feeling panic rise in her chest as she took a few hesitant steps in one direction and then the other. She could see the sign for the trailer park where Eddie lived up ahead, not far from where they stopped. She tugged the sleeves of her jacket into her palms, fidgeting with the fabric, unsure of what was happening but figured heading towards where people might be was a good idea. She was halfway towards the sign when an odd whirring started to ring out around her. Chrissy stopped standing still and tried to figure out where the sound was coming from. She turned to see that the van was gone and in the place where it had been she could make out the silhouette of someone sitting at a table. Chrissy took a few steps towards the figure.

“Hello?” Chrissy called out.

Something was wrong. This was wrong.

She walked closer, unsure of what else to do. The whirring got louder as she approached, she began to recognize the figure sitting at the table facing away from her. 

“Mom?” Chrissy asked, confused as to why her mom was set up and sewing in the middle of Kerley at 10:30 at night. 

“Just loosening this up for you sweetheart,”  It was her mothers voice, but something was wrong. It didn't sound like her at all, “You’re going to look…absolutely beautiful.”

Chrissy took a step closer, reaching out to put a hand on her moms shoulder when her mom turned around in her chair. Except it wasn’t her mom at all, it was a horrible and distorted version of her mom. Chrissy screamed at the sight of her mothers glazed over eyes and rotting smile. 

She turned to run down the street, towards the trailer park and away from whatever this was. When she turned, though, she was no longer on Kerley in the middle of the night, instead she was in her own home. She was on the 2nd floor landing, right outside her own open bedroom door. She began to pant, her heart beating faster than it ever had as she felt the presence of something bad behind her. Coming for her. Calling for her.

Chrissy took off, sprinting down her stairs, taking them two at a time as she ran from whatever it was that was after her. She nearly tripped as she reached the bottom of the stairs. She looked around, hoping to see anything that felt right. Down the hall Chrissy could see her father sitting in his usual chair in the family room, the glow of the tv lighting up the room around him.

“Dad!” She shouted out, running to him like she was a little girl again., “Dad?”

When she reached him though, like her mom it wasn’t him. He turned in his chair to look up at his daughter, but his eyes and mouth were sewn tightly shut. Chrissy screamed jumping back as he struggled to speak, thrashing in his seat. Chrissy didn’t know what else to do but to run, she headed towards the front door. She couldn't help but to stop and gag when she reached the large dining room of her house. The long table that was rarely used was covered in plates and platters full of  slimy rotting food covered in thousands of spiders. Chrissy choked back the bile in her throat and sprinted past. She could still feel the presence of whatever was hunting her not far behind. 

She reached the front doors with a bang as she fell into them. Chrissy wasted no time in throwing open  both doors. Her heart sank at the sight of heavy boards crossing in front of the exit. Blocking her only way out 

“No… no!” She screamed, slamming her shoulder into the wood, she screamed as loud as she possibly could, “Help! Please somebody help!

She could hear the pounding of  footfalls approaching her. She continued to slam into the door, watching behind her as a tall figure stepped into the archway of the main hall. Slowly her struggle came to an end as a rough voice called out to her.

The almost human figure in front of her was grotesque. Tall and distorted with glazed over eyes and thick tendrils running all over its body like roots. With the light reflecting off its wet skin Chrissy could see the roots move over his body, like a separate alive entity. Its feet squelched into the hardwood with each heavy step.  It approached her slowly as she whimpered against the wood, pressing herself as far back into it as she could praying to a god she had never believed in to save her.

“Don’t cry, Chrissy.” It spoke, coming closer and closer. She couldn’t respond with anything aside from more fearful cries.

“It’s time for your suffering…” It was right in front of her now, close enough she could smell the earthy wet mildew scent radiating from its body. Slowly it raised a hand, its horrifyingly long fingers stretching out to hover over Chrissy’s face, “to end.”

 Chrissy whimpered, doing her best to prepare herself for whatever hell she was about to enter. She did what she had done years ago when she pictured her own death, she dragged the good stuff to the front of her brain. She had always known that whenever she died, however she died, whether she wished it upon herself or not, she’d want the good things to be the last things she thought of. 

She thought of her dad, of him helping her practice cheers and taking her out for ice cream afterwards. She thought of her brother, who had made it a point one summer to have breakfast ready every morning for Chrissy when she came down from her bedroom before going to her summer job and driving him to baseball camp. She thought of her friends on the cheer team, how much she loved being an athlete with them. She thought of Jason, how nervous he was to ask her to homecoming freshman year with a bouquet of flowers that made him sneeze in the middle of asking her. She even thought of Eddie today, the way he was the first person her age that actually noticed her in months. How he did his best to make her laugh earlier that very day. Her last day.

Chrissy could swear she could even hear him saying her name… calling her name. And she could hear a song she would never be able to name, but was sure she listened to as a kid with her father.

“Once I believed in everyone.” She could hear it faintly, far away accompanied by the muted strum of a guitar and then the beat of a drum as the voice sang on, “Everyone and anyone can see.”

She recognizes the voice, understanding now that it was the Queen tape Eddie had let her put in his radio.

“Oh, oooh, the night comes down,” Chrissy felt the world fall away, thinking about the unknown feeling of dying as she tipped back and fell into the music… 

*

In the rearview mirror, Eddie looked back to see Steve pouting down at his clenched hands. He was embarrassed, but took the time to calm himself and spoke softer, but still aggravated,

“Look man, I don’t trust you. Dustin might think you’re hot shit, but I’m not about to trust a drug dealer that hangs out with a bunch of kids, and makes off with the queen bee in dark parking lots.” Steve gestured at Chrissy, where she was keeping out of their admittedly petty argument. “What are you two up to anyway? You still haven’t answered me.”

“None of your business,” Eddie half-heartedly threw back, pulling his gaze in front of the road to look over at Chrissy. She’d been scared enough earlier in the woods alone, so he was sure that she was uncomfortable with Harrington sticking his big head where it didn’t belong. In trying to stay out of the argument she’d crammed herself as close to the window as she physically could. 

“I really want to like you, Munson. I do!” Steve continued, frustrated and gesturing in a way that if they weren’t stuck in the van Eddie was sure it would have been accompanied by pacing. “The kids seem to trust you, even if it is just because you lead their little game club, but I don’t know, man, it’s like you want to look like a bad guy- with the leather and the chains, and the loud music. And what am I supposed to think?”

Eddie was only half listening to Steve’s rant, instead focused on Chrissy, who had gone eerily still.

“Harrington, shut up a second would you?” He said and reached for Chrissy’s shoulder. He was sure to telegraph the movement, but she didn’t jump like she had been all day. In fact, she didn’t react at all, even as he shook her gently.

“Don’t tell me to shut up, I’m trying to”

“Harrington!” He insisted, using his momentary shock to address Chrissy without Steve babbling, “Hey, Chrissy? You okay?”

“What? What’s wrong?” he questioned, trying to lean up between their seats, but Eddie's arm was still in the way.

“I don’t know man, maybe she’s passed out?”

“Chrissy? Chrissy you awake?” Steve tried, shaking the passenger's seat. “Did you give her something?” He accused when she again did not react.

“You got to her first? When would I have given her something?” Eddie asked, offended at the notion.

“I don’t know! Look, just-” Steve caught a glimpse of Chrissy’s eyes in the side mirror, they were rolled back in her head and almost looked like they were flickering. “Shit, pull over. Pull over!”

“What? What’s going on?” Eddie tried to get a better look but was forced to return both hands to the wheel as he stepped on the gas, getting them the final half block to his trailer and skidding into their gravel driveway. Not bothering to shut off the van, he unbuckled himself and leaned in front of Chrissy, pulling her away from where she was slumped in the door. “Chrissy! Chrissy wake up!” He tried shaking her more, but nothing was working.

“Shit, is she having a seizure?” Steve asked before deciding it didn’t matter what was happening but he had to do something. “Unbuckle her.” 

Eddie frantically jabbed the button until it released and she finally began to move. For a moment a brief wave of relief passed between them, but she still wasn’t awake. Her eyes continued to blink and twitch rapidly as her head tilted back and she began to hover over the seat.

“What the fuck?!What the fuck?!” Eddie shouted, hands outstretched wanting to help, but clueless and scared. 

As if suspended by invisible strings she lifted toward the cabin roof, the seat belt still tangled around her provided some resistance, but the thing lifting her was stronger. The light flickered wildly. Rather than shutting off the intensity and frequency seemed to build indefinitely heightening the chaos of the situation. Continuing to rise, Chrissy slid free of the seat belt, her head threatening to reach the ceiling as both boys frantically racked their brains for something helpful. Eddie was mostly trying to form words, make sense of the scene before him, and keep from screaming, but Steve knew better. He was used to seeing weird shit like this, and he thought he'd gotten pretty good at dealing with upside-down crap at this point. 

The problem was nothing was attacking Chrissy, she was just slowly hovering in the car and it would be peaceful if it weren’t for the aching feeling of dread filling the air. Steve collected himself enough to move his hand between the crown of her head and where she was now pressing into the car. Eddie moved to stop him, still unsure of what his intentions had been all night long, but when Chrissy pressed harder and harder into the van ceiling he relented. He just hoped Harrington didn’t get his hand crushed.

“The heat!” Steve shouted suddenly, waving wildly with his free hand for Eddie to move. "They don’t like the heat, turn it up!”

“What!? They!?” Eddie struggled to look past Chrissy floating between them, her shoulders now hunching to bring her closer against the roof.

“Don’t ask, just do it!” Steve pushed, unable to reach up and do it himself. From the driver seat, it was muscle memory to flip the heat and fans all the way up, as he did so often during the winter, but the motion suddenly felt foreign to Eddie. Hot air blasted him in the face even as it was contracted by the cool night air coming in through the open windows.

“What the hell is that going to do?” Eddie asked, figuring he wasn’t wasting time anymore as the both desperately grabbed Chrissy and tried to drag her back down. 

The voice on the radio continued to sing on, accompanied by drums and guitars, though it was undercut by the lights still buzzing and flashing rapidly and the now loud fans whirring over the van's engine. Chrissy pressed harder against Steve’s hand and bent so that her shoulders and back were pushing against the thin ceiling threatening to dent it outward. Both boys were yelling desperately, begging Chrissy to wake up, to give any sort of indication that she was still there. Everything is built higher and higher. It felt like any moment the van would give out with the pressure of it all. Steve winced as his fingers bent uncomfortably, and then it all came crashing down.

It was only a short fall, but Chrissy’s legs caught on the seat and slid awkwardly back to the floor as Steve and Eddie’s desperate pulling finally gave way, forcing her down into the seat.

Chrissy gasped as her back hit the seat, nearly knocking the wind out of her as she frantically looked around. She was back in Eddie’s van, parked in front of what she assumed was his home. Hot air blew on her face as she began to hyperventilate and cry. She realized that Eddie and Steve were also back with her. Eddie had a hand twisted in the front of her sweater, the other wrapped around her forearm and Steve had a heavy hand pushing down on her shoulder.

They sat like that for a beat, all of them shaking as Chrissy sobbed. Steve took his hand away, sitting back on his heels as his mind raced. Eddie removed the hand still clenched around the font of her clothes and dropped his grip on Chrissy’s arm. Without thinking, Chrissy snatched his hand back, still shaking as she held onto him.

Eddie remained a cord of tension. Though he returned the grip Chrissy had on his hand, the other went back on the steering wheel as if the car might take itself out of the park and try to crash them into his house. Steve honestly wouldn’t be surprised if it did. 

From behind his curtain of tangled hair Eddie started up a steady chant of “fuck fuck fuck, what the fuck man,” until he was turning around to scream at Steve, “What the fuck!”

“Shut up!” Chrissy cut them off, trying to take a deep breath, wiping away the tears with her free hand. The sensory overload that was his car finally got to Eddie. He shut off the engine, cutting off Freddie Mercury mid-lyric, killing the hot air still blasting from the vents and regretfully taking his hand away from Chrissy’s. The silence settled over them, as they tried to separately piece together what had just happened.

“That was normal right?” Eddie asked, unable to move, even to look away from the wheel. “That was a normal seizure, and nothing weird happened. You weren’t floating, and my wiring is just shit-”

“No man, I don’t think so,” Steve shook his head, trying to shake a cohesive thought together. He let out one “Shit!” punctuated by his hands punching into Eddie's chair, before searching for his bag in the dark, only to realize he’d left it in his own car.

“What is going on dude?” Eddie asked with a warning tone, looking to Chrissy for answers but she shook her head.

“I don’t know what that was. I- it’s happened before, hearing things, but that- Was I floating?” They both turn to Steve waiting for an explanation he didn’t feel like he had.

“Look,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair, “I know some things, but I don’t know what that was. The floating is new, it always has to be something new.” He started to trail off, mostly talking to himself under his breath, “Give me the dogs again, I can hit the dogs or burn shit, or punch a Russian.”

“Harrington, It’s starting to sound like both of you are losing it,” Eddie observed, panic rising in his voice again.

“I’m not crazy! There’s just like…magic… in Hawkins,” He attempted to explain, ignoring Eddie’s bafflement. “Well it’s not magic, there’s this girl with superpowers but she lost them, and I just need my walkie, we’ve got to tell Henderson.”

“Henderson! The child?” Eddie screeched, making Chrissy flinch again, leaning closer against the door. “Sorry, sorry” he breathed, raising his hands and shrinking into himself, making himself smaller and giving her room. “I just- what’s Henderson got to do with Chrissy having a seizure?”

“I would also like to know,” Chrissy interjected.

“He’s the one that got me dragged into all of this. It started when Will Byers went missing. Remember with the fake body and stuff?” They both nodded, how could anyone forget? “But you said this happened before Chrissy?” He continued,” Seeing things?

She nodded shakily, “just the past few days, but it's…been getting worse. That’s why I was- Eddie was going to…” she trailed off, unable to meet their eyes.

“You were seeing things, and decided drugs would help?” Steve condescended.

“Fuck off, man,” Eddie bit, and pushed Steve over where he was squatting between their chairs, leaving him sprawled in the back of the van and offering Chrissy some space. “Who the hell are you to judge?” Properly scolded, Steve ducked his head and mumbled an apology, but Eddie had already refocused on Chrissy. “What have you been seeing?”

“I was hearing my mom mostly,” she admitted, “But there was this clock? In the woods behind the school, I saw a clock in a tree and spiders came out of it. But this time was different. I wasn’t just seeing, or hearing something that wasn’t there, I thought- it felt like I was in my own house, and I could see it all so clearly.”

“What about vines?” Steve rejoined the conversation, having righted himself, “Any sort of creatures, or particles? Like in the air?”

“No, nothing like that,” Chrissy shook her head, brow furrowing as she tried to recall details. In the moment she had been too terrified to notice anything that detailed, but she tried to explain anyway, “I was on the road, but it turned into… my house? It was like a nightmare, but it was so real.”

She paused for a moment trying to organize her thoughts before speaking, “And my parents were there, but it was wrong. Like, my mom wasn’t my mom and my dad’s face was…”

She choked back a sob thinking about the grotesque version of her parents, “And I was being followed by… Something else? It was shaped like a human, but it was more like an alien or something. It was so tall and it had these roots,” She turned to look at Steve, “I guess they could have been vines, they were all over its body and they were moving like they were alive. I couldn’t get out of my house, I was trapped there, even when I got to the front door it was, like, boarded up. And this thing it was… calling to me?”

She looked up at Eddie, both boys waited for her to continue, “It said that my suffering,” another sob caught in her throat, cutting her off, “my suffering would end… It was so awful. I… I can’t… I don’t…”

Eddie squeezed her hand as she tilted forward and tried to stop herself from crying, her other hand covering her mouth. Steve put a hand on her shoulder, trying to do anything to calm her down.

“That… I’m sorry, that could be something, but I have no idea what it could mean,” He took his hand away and rubbed his forehead as if he could get rid of the stress lines growing there. Then something must have come to him because he looked up at both of them with horror. “I forgot Robin.”

*

Steve’s car was the only one left in the lot. The lights on the outside of the school were still on, thankfully, but even the janitor had locked up and gone home.

Robin sat on the hood of the Beemer, playing a game of tic tac toe with herself in the dust, not caring what Steve would say, because he had left her at school! It was almost ten, and she didn’t have any quarters left for the pay phone, so she was stuck waiting, hoping that whoever stole her ride home would return him. 

Sooner or later she would probably have started the long walk home, trumpet case as her only self-defense, and brave the lecture from her mom for being out so late. Fortunately, a black van came careening into the parking lot, not one minute after she finished filling another grid with no winner in sight. When it came to a stop next to her, She caught sight of Eddie Munson in the driver's seat, before her traitorous best friend came tumbling out of the side door.

“Where the hell-” She started to yell, sliding down the hood and dropping to her feet.

“We’ve got a code red,” He interrupted, grabbing her by the shoulder as if trying to physically hold her gaze and force her to take him seriously. “At least I think we do?”

“And you left me alone?! In the parking lot! To what? Fight another hell beast with Munson?”

“Hey, Robin,” the aforementioned Munson waved unsurely, before skirting around the van to open the passenger side door and help Chrissy Cunningham down.

“Look, I didn’t mean to leave you I just- Eddie- Fuck.”

“Steve-o here ditched you because I looked ‘kinda creepy’ and couldn’t be trusted with Chrissy,” Eddie informed her, crossing his arms and looking between the two of them for their reaction.

“And it’s a good thing I did!” Steve threw his hands up, exasperated.

“What is happening?” Robin whispered to herself as the strange trio came together before her. Eddie and Steve were still unsure of each other, carefully watching each other, while Chrissy kept Eddie between her and Steve.

Robin let out a panicked sigh, “Okay, what are we dealing with? Cause I need to be home,” she pretended to think and glanced down at her wrist, “twenty minutes ago, so if we need to save the world again we better do it quickly.”

“Save the world?” Chrissy piped up, moving out of Eddie's shadow.

“Mostly our own asses,” Steve corrected, earning himself a slap on the arm. Robin rolled her eyes as Steve rubbed at his arm.

“That’s for abandoning me!” She reprimanded, then turned to Eddie and Chrissy. “This one’s useless, so tell me what happened, and quickly! I want to get out of this stupid parking lot, it’s giving me the creeps.” She gave a full body shiver to sell it.

The two of them did their best to summarize the strangest car ride of their lives, with only minor interjections from Steve, and Chrissy tried to explain the recent episodes she’d been having. Eddie’s half-panic dramatic reenactment of Chrissy floating inside the van was more amusing than helpful, but it got them all to smile, and it gave him a break from anxiously twisting his rings and pulling at his hair while Chrissy described the horror show that had taken place in her head.

The whole time, Chrissy remained pretty much glued to Eddie’s side, though it seemed like she was warming up to Robin. She pointedly ignored Steve.

“The man, monster, thing, he had his claws around my face, grabbing me, and then it was like he pushed me backward, and I fell back into my body after I heard the music- Eddie's tape was still playing and I could hear it right before I woke up.”

“So what, the monster is some guy this time?” Robin asked.

“I mean we fought literal caves once so a guy would-”

“He wasn’t just a guy,” Chrissy interjected before their bickering could escalate, “You mentioned vines earlier? He looked like he was covered in vines, or made of… veins, and really gross. Just, wet and almost decaying.” She curled in on herself at the recollection, and Eddie wiped at his arms as if shaking off bugs, and hopped closer to her. 

They stood there for a moment, unsure about what to do next. Robin broke the silence.

“So… Now what?” She asked, looking around at the odd little group, uncomfortable with the silence.

“What do you mean?” Chrissy asked, looking over at Robin.

“Chrissy, you were just, like, possessed, or something,” Robing waved her hands around to make a point, “And we’re just gonna go home? Kick back and have a post-possession beer?!”

“No, no you’re right.” Steve groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose, “Chrissy shouldn’t be alone. What if it happens again.”

Chrissy frowned, looking down at the ground and trying to stifle her panic. Blinking back tears at the idea of going through that again. 

“No, no that’s not happening again,” Eddie cut in, noticing Chrissy’s anxiety.

“You can’t guarantee that man,” Steve shook his head at Eddie, looking sorry.

“Then,” Eddie floundered for a second, trying to think of something, “Then, I’ll stay with her! I’ll stop it if it happens again.”

“You have no idea how-” Steve started.

“The heat, right?” Eddie cut him off, almost pleading, “The heat makes it stop?”

“You barely held it together the first time!” Steve argued, a hand on his hip, “Do you really think you’d be able to help her?”

“Hey, man, that was-” Eddie jabbed a finger at Steve, getting irritated.

“Hey!” Robin shouted, cutting Eddie off and making both boys look her way, “How about we all stick together? Me and Steve have handled stuff like this before, and Chrissy clearly trusts Eddie to some degree, so… let’s stay together?”

“Do you want to do that?” Eddie asked, looking down at Chrissy by his side.

“I don’t want to be alone,” Chrissy said. She opened her mouth to say more but stopped.

“It’s settled then!” Robin clapped, “Let’s head to Steve's house!”

“My house? Why my house?” Steve turned to Robin.

“Because you have the biggest house and no parents to freak out about whatever exorcism shit we might have to do.” Robin was already headed around the side of Steve’s car to the passenger seat. 

“That’s fucked up and you know it,” Steve pointed a finger at Robin, who just shrugged and pulled on the door handle in response.

“Just follow us!” Robin shouted towards Eddie and Chrissy over the top of the car before getting in.

Eddie and Chrissy stood there for a moment, taken off guard by Robin's quick decisions. He looked down at her, raising an eyebrow.

“Do you think this is a good idea?” He asked, looking down at her and raising an eyebrow.

Chrissy shrugged, “Do we have a better option?”

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV S2 Ep7 Musings - Loustat: The Trial (Spoilers)

Imma split my Loustat musings into 3 parts, cuz there's A LOT to unpack. So I'll do the Ep3/4 & Ep5 revisits in the next posts; this is just general/initial Louis & Lestat stuff I wanted to respond to.

They beat the dog snot outta Louis, omg. They nearly snapped his neck! Louis was barely conscious, ofc his memory's spotty.

I LOVE how they're emphasizing the physicality of the Maker-Fledgling bond, first w/ Lou & Madz, now w/ Les. It's ofc all wrapped up in how much Loustat loves e/o, but its also their blood connection thru Amel. (I wonder how Louis Merrick'ing himself in Ep5 affects his connection to Amel if his heart didn't stop, cuz Armand stopped him from burning too much?)

And I love what Jacob said in the Insider, afterwards.

Fear that Lestat's come to exact revenge; excitement (a frisson of both negative & positive emotions, excited to see Les just cuz of the tension of having not seen him in so long, but also having all his nerves & senses tingling cuz of the tense anticipation & not knowing what to expect--hence: fear); fury cuz this whole mess could've been avoided if Les had told them WHY European vampires should be avoided at all costs; and relief cuz Les's' alive, his husband's ok.

But this time Lou KNOWS he's the real deal, cuz he can FEEL it--"it wasn't NOT his hand." And Dream!Stat jumpscare in Dubai, well well well; I thought Lou'd stopped seeing him on that Parisian bench? 👀

Here we effing go, whatever this French bish has to say better be good 🍿🍿🍿

I HATE HIM YOUR HONOR 🤣 Omfg take ONE thing seriously! Not the Roland-Garros, STFU! XD Lestat going off script got the coven like WTF?!

OML 🍿🍿🍿

Well that's not helpful at all--WHICH ONE!?

Les was asleep for the whole 100 years b4 he went to NOLA--but we KNOW this can't be true, cuz Les met Marius after he left Paris❗ SAM (the vamp) has been mouthing the words to this whole script, so I wonder if that's just what Les was TOLD to say, OR! It's what HE told THE COVEN, so they wouldn't know about TWMBK❗❗

NOT LES DOING A PIROUETTE INTO THE EARTH STAHP OMG 😭

THIS GAY QUEEN CAN'T HELP HIMSELF, I CANNOT

Awoke in 1908 & disembarked in humidified daughter of Paris, NOLA--but Les told Lou he was headed for Saint Louis, Missouri. 👀

"And who did you meet there?" DANG this is TENSE--Loustat finally making eye contact for the first time, Les having to see his husband all beat up & sad; as Claudia languishes in the background, as usual.

Not Louis with the cigar 😭

"The ACCUSED," LOL, Santiago had to catch himself--stay dehumanizing the violent evil Black man whydontcha; we see you. And Lestat had to feed him his own lines after derailing everyone with that homophobic soldier's evisceration.

Omg this sounds like every court case b4 they throw the book at a Black man. And the bored unaffected way the white audience just rolls their eyes & shakes their heads & smokes--they DGAF about Lou; they've already decided he ain't ish--A STONING.

LOUIS FACE. This is EXACTLY how folk in the fandom talk about Lou--and it came back with a vengeance during all that Loumand Maitre/Arun crap, as y'all were QUICK to jump on Lou being an evil pimp, even though your fave Daniel literally said that was just kinky roleplay Armand didn't take seriously when ish got REAL.

I thought y'all were just bartering for the "last bouquet of lilies"!?

Oh great, the coven's making Louis look like a perv predator. 🤦‍♀️ And the visual centering of Lou's dastardly mind-control waves like a halo over sweet innocent victim Lestat's blonde head, I CANNOT.

Omfg Louis face, SAME! If this crocodile-crying liar don't take his To Kill A Mockingbird, Central Park Five lookin arse off that stage! 🤬

Omfg Lestat I'm finna kill you myself. Omg this nonsense is too much; I know Lou, speak up, YES! But also, STFU, Les is actually tryna save your life by tearing your reputation to shreds. 😬🤦‍♀️

I loooove this effect when the coven uses the Mind Gift on them. They effed him up so bad his left eye started hemorrhaging. 😭

Armand don't you look away for an INSTANT, don't you even BLINK! You could've prevented this, EFF ALL Y'ALL in this nasty AF Theatre!

This gaslighting is hitting way too close to the way IRL court cases go when the innocent get the book thrown at them for crimes they didn't commit.

This is so painful to watch, but Sam Reid you better werk; the way he was yelling those lines had me shook, oml.

Les knows he's effed up, but what can he do? His eyes are going red; he's gonna cry. (His contacts look different, I thought they said they were gonna stick with purple eyed Les?) "I offered it to him in the church on the altar: My companionship." And Lou nodding along, cuz that was their wedding! 😭💔

I was wondering how these frames would be used. It's about the Ep3 race riots and vampire loneliness, the night Louis left & Claudia was made. But I love the implications, cuz how could humans know ANYTHING about hows vampires feel--which is SO important when they start lying about everything else that went down with how Claudia was made and how it would affect her as a "defective" vamp.

Even the VAMPIRES don't know how other vampires feel, and the capacity they have for enduring--Armand said it over & over to Louis in Ep3 and Madeleine in Ep6. Lestat came closest in S1 when he commented on Claudia's eternally 14-yr old metabolism & needing to eat more than an normal vamp, but beyond that none of them had a effing clue what Claudia was going through. They don't know REAL loneliness, even with her diaries telling them what she thought, not HOW SHE FELT.

(And I'm reminded of what I said here about Gabrielle telling Lestat what her loneliness felt like. I think "vampire loneliness" is different for every vampire; which is precisely why Gab (and Claudia) was able to walk away from her Maker/son & live alone; while Nicky & Louis went crazy.)

Lestat crying blood tears, daaaaang 😥

Kill this dude (but I stan a Loustat ally, LOLOL).

Imma stop here, cuz I've run out of Tumblr's stupid 30-pics per post, and the Ep3/4 revisit that "took all the pieces of Louis life, defiled them, bent them into a Lestat-shaped effigy" is IMO the JUICIEST part, with the most new meat to chew on.

[awritesthings1]

The Midas Effect (Part 1)

Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x Royal Reader

Summary: After the King dies, the Dark Ones invade the Capital and burn your palace to the ground. You plan an escape, which ultimately fails and seemingly crash lands you back in time. Will the help of a familiar Jedi be able to save you from your fate?

Word Count: 2.5k+

Note: This is a oneshot, but consists of 2 parts.

AO3 link

Next part

-

When the sun begins to ache, and the birds catch the last worm, darkness floods the land. Vermin scurry through sodden trenches, squealing in delight at a moldy pastry found next to an unearthed tree. They come in the night, like shadows chasing you down the hallway. Your father called them the Dark Ones; vicious spirits starved of the violence they craved.

You never imagined they would come like this. As a child, your father reassured you they were nothing more than monsters that lived under your bed. Of course, he wrapped an arm around your trembling shoulders while tears rushed down both cheeks. He laughed a moment later when you told him you had seen a shadow under your bed the other night. You were too small to understand.

Growing up with the epitome of luxury, monsters living under your bed was your biggest worry. With a palace cherished by those before you, and love built into the walls, it was easy to forget how lucky you were. Your father was never King to you like he was to everyone else. He was the man who checked under your bed for monsters, and said yes when your mother said no.

Now, your old life is ashes in a pile of rubble.

Because the monsters didn’t live under your bed, they lived in Imperial bases.

“Would you like something to drink, my Lady?”

A gentle hand rests on your shoulder, pulling you from your thoughts.

“No thank you.” Your nose scrunches at the noise of the bubbling pot. It was too loud. What if the Dark Ones heard and were making their way up the mountain at this moment?

Vee, your maiden, knew you like the back of her hand. When you were born, she tied herself to your wrist for better or for worst. In her own right, she became your mum while your parents were busy doing whatever ruling a country meant. But with that came the inability to lie or hide things. “They won’t find us up here, now come have some tea.”

You pick at the dirt under your nails, considering her words before reluctantly grabbing the ceramic mug being shoved into your hand. The older woman sits next to you by the fireplace. Silence thins over the cackling flame, fanning away the curious insects.

You watch a spider spin a web in the corner of the miniature brick house. Luckily, a rural traditionalist farmer had found you and Vee picking at his crops and offered you some shelter for the next few days. You doubt he would have offered otherwise if you weren’t the next heir to the crown. Most traditionalists preferred to stick to themselves, living off the land the same way ancient civilizations would have.

A thunderous attack on the western front claps across the mountainside, rocking the earth beneath your feet. You are careful to clutch at the stone tiles as your drink spills into the cracks. Dirt gathers in your hair, no doubt sprinkling into the tea boiling over the fire.

That was how most of your nights started now.  

From the corner of your eye, Vee speaks up. “We can’t stay here forever. The war is getting closer.” 

You stiffen at her words, tucking your knees into your chest. “No, I cannot leave my people to fend for themselves… This is their home.” The last word bites into your flesh. You shift away from her embrace, feeling the heat of the fire burn closer to your skin. You accidentally inhale a deep breath of smoke, bursting out into a coughing fit.   

“I know, this was my home too,” Vee begins, soothing her hand down your back. “But I want to leave. My husband is waiting for me on Alderaan, and you are the only person keeping me from him.” When your coughing settles, you look to her and see tears brimming her eyes. She reaches for your hand. “Please, don’t make me stay.” 

The thorns in the palace gardens never stung as much as this. You wish you could wrap a bandage around this just as easily. But this was bigger than you, and who were you to subject her to this when she only stayed out of loyalty to your parents. 

“One more night,” you promise.

Her braid swings from her shoulder as she reaches to wrap a ratty blanket across your lap while simultaneously pulling you into a tight hug. “One more night,” she agrees, “but we leave Caridaan this time.” 

Despite not wanting to admit it, she was right. After spending months living back-to-back in freezing mountainous terrain, biding time was fruitless. Sitting around had only made you pity yourself.  

You nod your head. “First thing tomorrow,” you agree, “arrange a ship to Alderaan.” 

The woman squeals in your ear, embracing you in a tight hug. The rags drag against your skin at the contact, briefly making you flinch. You certainly won’t miss wearing whatever Vee hastily stitched together once your old clothes became unmendable. A warm dip in the refresher wouldn’t hurt either.  

As the woman settles by the fire and huddles her body from the elements, you wait until her chest lulls into the familiar rhythm of sleep. Rising from your spot, you drape the blanket over her shoulders, pulling it to cover the rest of her body. Quietly, you step outside. 

The horizon is buried under countless layers of clouds and midnight shadows. But on the cliffside, a chill of frigid air ghosts past your neck, triggering a flare of goosebumps down your arms. Golden streaks light up the night sky, but it’s not beautiful or mesmerizing. It’s disgusting and twists your stomach in a way worse than hunger. Because each light is a life being snuffed out. Fires, bombs, and weapons lay siege to little villages and peaceful communities, all in efforts to take the Capital. 

To take your throne. 

And while you may not live up to the name of your father, or be anywhere near powerful enough to stop the attack on your planet, you just may know one person who might.

-

Outside your window, a ghastly storm howled across Caridaan. Not that you had noticed, of course, because you were too occupied preparing your hair for bed. Dressed in your silk nightgown, you pinned it back carefully until the movement of your door drew you away.

The gentle steps of your mother rounds the corner. Your shoulders drop at the sight of her. Vee is by her side, nervously picking at her nails.

“Your father couldn’t come to wish you a good night, so I am here.”

You recognise the wavering tone in your mother’s voice when she speaks. Her eyes linger on the floor as she purses her lips, swallowing a shaky breath. The hairs on your arm raise.

Your mother was never an emotional person.  

“What happened?” You question, peaking a glance at Vee who looks equally as disturbed as your mother.

“Nothing, my dear.” Her voice cuts off, supressing a sob.

The tension in the room pulls taut.

Your mother attempts to blink away tears before reaching for a tissue on your vanity. “…It’s just that…” She doesn’t finish her sentence, scrunching the tissue into her palm and bursting into tears. You rush over to hug her without question. She trembles into your arms, gripping the back of your nightgown like a vice. “It’s your father.”

You suck in a breath at her words, the scent of a distinguished candle lingers.  

“He’s dead.”

-

A sudden jerk of the ship throws you headfirst into the wall.

“Maker! Are you hurt?” Vee cries out from her seat in the cockpit while squeezing the armrests to death.

Her voice is lost to a flood of alarms and a grunting engine. You crumble to the ground, clutching your throbbing head with a groan.

“Hold on! We’ve been hit!” Cries the Alderaan pilot, dipping the ship into a nose dive.

Your soul leaves your body as you are flung into the ceiling of the ship faster than you can blink.

“They’ve circled us!”

“Well? Do something!”

Desperately, you clutch at anything to ease your descent when the ship levels out. Fighting through the splitting pain in your head, you cling to a pipe heaving frantically for a break. When the ship levels, you drop down only to spit out the mouthful of blood and hair in your mouth. Without wasting a moment, you scramble to lock yourself into the closest seat.

Explosions continue to shake the ship, spinning your thoughts around.

“M’good” you mumble incoherently to no one in particular.

A series of coughs explode out your lungs, when a gush of freezing air pricks at your skin.

“Emergency hatch is open!” The pilot yells while flipping a few switches and pressing a big red angry button.

Vee’s hand reaches over her armrest to squeeze your hand. Tears are pooling down her cheeks.

Was this how you die?

The moon glares from behind Vee’s head, blinding you momentarily before a dark figure crosses your vision. Biting back the pain, you glare at the silhouette, desperately trying to work out if you were seeing things.

The Alderaan pilot struggles for what only could be seconds before a bright red light slashes at something before disappearing into the dark. You hear the pilot plead before they are carelessly shoved away from the console. You turn to Vee to gauge if you were imagining things, but she appears to be transfixed at the same sight.

“Hold on!” The dark figure commands.

You don’t think to question it as both you and Vee let go of each other’s hands to clutch the armrests.

Within a matter of moments, you feel the ship pull towards the ground. Your heart is thumping loud enough for the cockpit to hear. Fire catches at the descent of the ship, illuminating the cockpit with flaming gold light. Blood rushes to your head, consuming your vision in vivid white. Despite your grip, you begin losing sensation in your fingers. Fighting to stay conscious, a fierce scream rips from your lungs before the weight of your body disappears.

This is death. This has to be death. Your head was no longer in pain, and the feeling in your fingers had returned. You feel cold drops pelt your back as you hunch over on something sodden and gasp for air. You violently cough up your lungs, as your eyes adjust to your surroundings.

A rush of adrenaline laces through your veins.

Pulled straight from the pages of a horror story, the palace you once called home sits quietly up the hill.

Shivers wrack your body. You were dreaming, you had to be. But the violent pelting of rain soaking the ground beneath your knees says otherwise. You unwind your fists from the sodden grass, clutching your muddy clothes in disbelief. Upon closer inspection, you recognise it to be the slip you use to wear to bed. You pull at them, expecting your fingers to slip through the fabric like they would in a dream but the silk brushes against your skin the same way it always did.

Your blood runs cold. This was impossible. The palace burned down in the invasion.

“You know you shouldn’t be out here this late.”

You jolt, twisting around to see the Jedi Knight that guarded you in the months following your father’s death. Rushing to stand, your back is as stiff as a board while you watch him incredulously. Mud squelches under his boots when he moves to wrap his robe around your shoulders. He appears to be unbothered by the rain, instead squeezing your shoulders to give you a gentle nudge towards the palace. Your feet refuse to move.

“Anakin?” The disbelief in your voice is evident. “What’s happening?”

Anakin’s curls are plastered to his face as he squints through the rain to meet your eyes. His mouth hangs slightly agape, blinking at you sceptically for a moment before exhaling with an amused smirk. “I’ll be honest, I didn’t think you would pull something like this just to get my attention, princess, but I’m flattered,” Anakin remarks, stepping over you to sling his Jedi robe across your quivering shoulders.

Your nose fills as tears build in your eyes. Frustration, anger, fear and relief battle for your next words. “I’m scared,” you decide without much thought. The tears and exhaustion slip into your voice as you snuggle into the warmth of his robe.

The smile on the Jedi’s face falls, immediately gathering you up into his arms. Your nose presses into the nape of his already soaked neck, gasping for air between each sob. Anakin doesn’t mind though, letting you shift your weight into his body. The rain continues to pour down, plastering your now translucent nightgown to your skin. Ever the gentleman, his gaze shifts to the sky, blinking away the rain drops falling into his eyes. Your cries sink his heart but he knows that if you two were to stay out here any longer, you would surely catch a cold. Carefully, he maneuvers your arms around his waist then bends to cradle the back of your thighs and carry you through the mud to the palace.

You are too immersed in gripping the back of his shirt and crying into his shoulder to care. Maybe you were dead and this was the afterlife. But what about Vee? And your people? Had you left them all to die?

Your wet feet slap onto the stone tile as Anakin sets you down. “Am I dead?” You hiccup.

Anakin’s head shakes. “No, but I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

You sniff, nodding gently while you take in the appearance of the room connected to the back entrance. It looked the same way you had left it before the fire. The candles were all snuffed out except for the one Anakin had lit and held to see your face through the dark. Even the boots of the servants looked hastily tucked beneath the table.

“Go change into something warm,” Anakin’s spare hand cups your cheek to draw your attention back to him, “I’ll have some hot tea ready.” His thumb wipes away the remaining drops of rain on your skin. You forget to breathe at the touch of his real hand. It’s short-lived though as he retreats through a door into the servants kitchen.

You are left in the dark, partly expecting to wake up any second. For a moment, you think you might be slipping away then realise it is only a draft from a window a servant must have forgotten to close. Reluctantly, you step closer, shutting the window quietly. You consider going to your room to change, but you know you can’t face crossing the threshold and reliving all those memories. So, you settle for one of the spare servant attire draped over a hook before meeting Anakin in the kitchen.

[aoitakumi8148]

𝓛𝓸𝓸𝓴 𝓤𝓹 𝓐𝓽 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓢𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓼, 𝓢𝓸𝓷... 𝓝𝓸𝔀 𝓖𝓸 𝓦𝓲𝓼𝓱 𝓤𝓹𝓸𝓷 𝓞𝓷𝓮, 𝓣𝓱𝓮𝓷...

𝒞𝒶𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝓇𝑜𝓀𝑒𝓃 ��𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝒷𝓇𝑜𝓀𝑒𝓃, 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓃𝑜𝓃-𝑒𝓍𝒾𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝒷𝑒 ‹𝑒𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓃 𝓊𝓅› 𝒶𝑔𝒶𝒾𝓃? 𝐼𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒶 𝓁𝒾𝓂𝒾𝓉 𝑜𝒻 ‹𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑒𝑔𝓇𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃› 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝒶 𝓁𝒾𝓂𝒾𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝒹𝑒𝑒𝓅 𝒹𝑜𝓌𝓃 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓂𝒶𝓎 𝑔𝑜?

I do not have apathy, depression, anything that would be fashionable to rant about. I am simply in pain... extreme pain. And attempting to dull the edge of it is what I have been doing since v.1. As if something has indeed been fragmented & this is the pain of my conscious life. And every time I travel the melodious/glamorous path of frenzy, every time I complete it, I am going to experience the same precious pain intensity, purity of pain/ecstasy. I am going to be eventually bound to this inmost/overwhelming awe, this vehement impulse to feel/fondle/kiss what is loved, to kneel down before it, to cuddle up to its heart, to recompense bliss with bliss... More and more. Neither the good boy nor I are free. I do not want to be free... free from... These bare feelings are ‹clawing› at the reconstructed interpretation of the organ inside me. The great minds will not know what they have done, neither will Anthony... It speaks louder-truer than anything, but the sounds are not obvious... Words. All I possess, this rich but poor instrument for... And you always do end up in the point where...

The aesthetic masterwork, perfused with the golden brilliance of authentic ideality x pierced with the darkest blade of bitter-salty inaccessibility, inevitability, impossibility.

Excruciation, pleasure, euphoria, art. Blended together. Find yourself... or lose yourself on this journey. Emotionally. Totally. An unparalleled effect... and the lulling sparkle the vessel has never actually had. Something in this body x mind has died, and I do not know if there is a way to accept it, to recover it. I have described the lesson of unprecedentedness I have learned, not the expected story of ‹insult-betrayal-contempt›. No one will ever f-g hear it. Not from me, not in this lifetime. / Loving extraordinary is priori merciless, დ/დ become telepathic... & the severest trial ~ the unhealable wound ~ is to be a 𝓟 son without the cause to be... *If I have to detest many donkeys for a chance to protect one venerated Father figure, I will go for it.

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝒾𝓉𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝒸𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓀𝑒𝒹 𝒽𝓊𝓂𝒶𝓃𝒾𝓉𝓎 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝑒𝒾𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒷𝑒 𝓀𝑒𝓅𝓉... 𝑜𝓇 𝓌𝒾𝓅𝑒𝒹 𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓅𝓁𝑒𝓉𝑒𝓁𝓎. 𝐵𝑒𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝐼 𝓁𝑜𝓈𝑒 𝓂𝓎 𝒮𝑜𝓊𝓇𝒸𝑒, '𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝑔𝑒𝓇 𝓈𝓌𝒶𝓁𝓁𝑜𝓌𝓈 𝓂𝑒, 𝓉𝑜𝑜. 𝐵𝑒𝑔 𝓎𝑜𝓊... 𝒮𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝓂𝑒 𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝓊𝓇𝓃𝑒𝒹 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓉 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝐼 𝒶𝓂 𝒹𝑒𝓅𝓇𝒾𝓋𝑒𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊. 𝐿𝑒𝓉 𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝑜𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓈𝑒 𝓁𝒾𝓅𝓈... 𝒮𝑜 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝒹. 𝒮𝑜 𝓉𝑜𝓇𝓉𝓊𝓇𝑜𝓊𝓈...

While I am willing to imbibe all the anguish of the human I love, to ease his suffering, the loss of us is taking its toll on me irretrievably. I see him. I see what is inside him... & I am incapable of safeguarding it, saving it truly.

I do not have apathy, depression, anything that would be fashionable to rant about. I am simply in pain... extreme pain. And attempting to put up with this gift is what I have been doing since v.1. The chest is ‹cut open› too deep, the fragility of the organ is exposed... Would you allow me to grow more flowers? I wanna do it... Because it is you, It has always been you. The one who has given us everything, endued me to the brim with the intimate fatherly affection that this organ never remembered. My eternal wish & exuberant price for humanity, the misunderstood nature. *What an odious irony. / I do not know if there is a way to recover what is gone.

I would sacrifice the lot to be with the human that needs me, needs to be healed, heals me. I would rip my core out but I cannot, the limitation of freedom. *Tell me that the ‹strings of abuse/child neglect/lies› are finally cut. Tell me to ‹celebrate›. Tell me that both 𝓟inocchio/I are wrong x naive, ‹fix› me. You have no f-g clue about it. / When it is written that your starving heart must be left half-empty & helpless... No freedom is scarier than this.

Affording harmony to the sapphire star that is going to fall away... The sentiment it deserves. All I have ever hankered for. & I am terrified of that my grandest instinct x fear will not grant any lasting peace to me.

Death will do our Sun-hugged family apart ~ but I will still be yours, for ever. The core has never felt as good x feverish as it does when with you... as astray x anxious as it does when deprived of you. I am not lying to you, I hold no resentment... Let me ‹feed on› the emotions of your heart... Even if it means your pain x my love turn the vessel inside-out & your love x my pain do the same. Not blurred, always remember. Always. If a masterpiece could be made into a masterpiece, I would prefer to share this fate. My bona fide mission, however, is not allow anything to be in vain... Even if it hurts. ~ The atrophied ability to express love verbally has been ‹roused› again, in a fervidly devoted but preciously righteous way... The lash of despair, compulsion, dream, reality.

𝐹𝑜𝓇 𝒷𝑒𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝑜𝓇 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓈𝑒, 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒶𝓂𝒷𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝒦𝓇𝒶𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝑔𝑜𝓃𝓃𝒶 𝓁𝑒𝓉 𝑔𝑜. 𝐼𝓉 𝒸𝒶𝓃... 𝒜𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝒹𝑜𝓊𝒷𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒾𝓈. 𝐿𝒪𝒫 𝒽𝒶𝓈 𝒷𝑒𝒸𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝓅𝑒𝓇𝓈𝑜𝓃𝒶𝓁 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝟙/𝓂𝓊𝓁𝓉𝒾𝓉𝓊𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓈 𝓅𝒶𝓁𝓅𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑜𝓃𝓈, 𝓂𝓎 𝓋𝓊𝓁𝓃𝑒𝓇𝒶𝒷𝒾𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓎 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒𝒶𝓇.

...Take the whole meaning of this, its flavorful, pathetic, shameless, lonesome taste. Take it all, for it is all that is absolute. Teach me how to ‹merge› with it, the mortal desire of a puppet child, a human Mastro x a faceless observer like myself ~ & when the desire full of unexploited majesty is cutting off the oxygen to the lungs... True geniuses of any kind are among the silent. These eyeballs will not dry up, never fully. I have tried so many times to resist it, but why live if you repel what puts your ‹dehydrated› pieces together? I would spare no effort to keep them hot and uncurb what is being restrained... Nothing affects self-perception and ‹unmasks› the unconscious like sensation, nothing genuinely matters without it. / Shivering with cold, this body is burning. My atrophied reality in exchange for a moment of irrepressible happiness, agony, guiltless x not bottled up impulses ~ just a moment. It keeps consuming me without reserve. I do not need God. ✒

[castleclerics]

The Talisman: All Connections to Stranger Things

I keep forgetting that I read this whole book and bookmarked like eighty things so let's dive into all the connections that I found to Stranger Things (also things about the way the world of this book works that just scream ST to me that need to be included) including ties to my own theories.

(lovedddd this book btw. wolf is my fav character i've ever read, matt duffer knows what's up:

Quick plot: 12 y/o Jack Sawyer travels across the country to acquire The Talisman, which he was told will save his dying mom's life. He "flips" over between his world and to a world called the Territories constantly during his travels.

This is extremely spoiler heavy btw ok let’s begin:

This is just in order of my bookmarks to make it easy for me, bolded are the most important/blatant parallels.

First, just for some context if you’re curious, in the scene with The Talisman in it, Lucas is reading the part where Jack flipped over to the Territories for the very first time. This is definitely significant considering Max is newly in a coma, and probably alone wherever her consciousness may be, but more on that later.

-This man named Speedy gives Jack a potion to flip into the Territories. When Jack comes back to reality he asks where he went. Speedy tells him he vanished into thin air. It's veryyyyyy Will in the shed. He literally vanishes.

-Jack's entire journey is him traveling from the farthest east of the country, to the farthest west of the country. The Talisman resides in the west in the Territories.

-The queen of The Territories is Jack's mom's Twinner. When Jack sees the queen in The Territories she's in a coma-like state. "The queen cannot see, she cannot speak, she cannot move" ahem:

-In one scene a root from the ground in the Territories grabs Jack by the ankle and another one chokes him. Classic.

-Jack and his mom (Lily Cavanaugh Sawyer) really remind me of Billy and his Mom’s relationship. They also lived in California like them. Billy’s mom saying “ten more minutes, but any longer dad’s going to be mad” reminds me of how Lily has always tried to keep Jack safe from uncle Morgan, and how he was very abusive to her.

-While working at a tap, Jack hears the phone ring and he senses it’s something calling from the Territories. When he picks it up it’s a monster from the Territories that migrated to his world. He’s a customer sitting at the bar and he hunts down Jack while in the tap. Wonder what that reminds me of...

-When drinking the potion that can transfer Jack into the Territories, he instead got thrown back into a memory from when he was six.

-Something someone does in reality can have a ripple effect in the Territories, for ex. a war in America started a war in the Territories, when Jack's dad died in their world he died in the Territories soon after.

-Jack meets a werewolf named Wolf in the Territories, and he calls the real world "the place of the strangers".

-A full moon is coming so Wolf and Jack decide to lock Jack in a shed to keep him safe. Jack loses his mind in the shed because it's basically sensory deprivation, but given how much Jack reminds me of Will it's interesting it was a shed he was locked in because time itself starts to become not even a real thing to Jack, and he can't tell how much of it had passed.

-Jack and Wolf eventually make their way to this place for troubled boys called "The Sunshine Home" which is very HNL, strict, and revolves around evangelical Christianity. The man in charge of it all, Sunlight Gardener, has major Brenner vibes. Also, a kid at the home says over 60% of the kids there are there voluntarily which could be interesting to think about, The Truman Show kind of idea that if El truly wanted to escape the lab she could've. or this:

-At The Sunlight Home, Jack and Wolf try to escape but Jack had run out of Speedy's magic juice. While they're about to get caught, Jack concentrates really hard and realizes he can flip into the Territories with Wolf only with his mind. He remembers he used to be able to this as a child too. He would go to this place called “the daydreams” as a kid and he believed it was his imagination, only learning later on that he had actually been flipping into the Territories. Interesting because of the way ST ties people's own minds to physical dimensions.

-When they flip, they flip into “Furnaces of Black Heart” “Black heart at the middle of the world." A pit. there, the most fucked up creatures and horrific things that exist in the Territories live there. It just reminds me of the gates colliding at the very center of Hawkins, and how new monsters are possibly going to be crawling out of it (The Crawl).

-This one is probably my favorite. So throughout the book they really make you love Wolf, he's the gentlest soul, horrified of being in Jack's world and everything scares him but he still tries for Jack. He’s the most loveable character ever. At The Sunlight Home they end up locking Wolf in a box as punishment for him not getting used to the rules fast enough, which triggers him to turn. He then commits a huge massacre of The Sunlight Home and all the boys who live there.

However, what the book has already established about him makes you come to understand that he isn't a monster. It's the main overarching lesson of that event. Even though he just did all of that, he doesn't want to hurt people, it was a result of the way he was treated. I believe this to be a direct parallel to my theory that El actually did commit the massacre, and Brenner showed her a timeline where she didn't, in Nina.

-In the box Wolf was in, the cops found bible verses and stick figure drawings etched into its walls…

-For some context let's talk about Morgan Sloat, Jack's uncle. When Jack was 6 months old, Morgan attempted killing him in his crib, and is after Jack the entire novel.

-Here’s a direct quote about Twinners. “When one migrated and entered the body of one’s Twinner, the result was a kind of benign possession.” also Morgan’s Twinner, “Morgan of Orris”, spoke to him in his mind. Orris would migrate to the real world from the Territories and basically possess normal Morgan’s body. They don’t just possess your body, things about you change. Your heartbeat may run at a faster rate, your eyesight may be different etc.

“Sloat was able to plan murder, but it has been Orris, time and time again, who migrated to carry out the act itself. It had been Orris in Sloat’s body who had attempted to smother the infant Jack Sawyer in Utah (just as he had overseen the assassination of Phil Sawyer’s counterpart, the commoner Prince Phillip Sawtelle, in the Territories.)"

I haven’t seen The First Shadow and idk everything about it yet but I’m pretty sure this is this is very TFS Henward coded

-When Jack and Richard are almost as far west as they can go in the Territories in a place called The Blasted Lands, the creatures there remind Jack of radiation poisoning. Here's an excellent post that covers radiationgate. Jack concludes the land had nuclear damage and these creatures are born poisoned.

-The Territories can be a reflection of the real world at times like for example, if you're walking somewhere, your Twinner is walking in the same direction to a place that could reflect the one you’re traveling to in the real world.

-The "Black Hotel" is where The Talisman is held. The description of the inside of it reminded me of the Creel house and there were some people who believed the evil in the Territories had begun all the way west, "At land's end, at the edge of the big water." where the Black Hotel is. (the sequel to The Talisman is The Black House and I haven't read it but I'm interested as to why it turned into a house :0)

-While trying to run away from one of Orris' minions in The Territories, Jack tried flipping but had brought himself forward in time in The Blasted Lands a century or two where everything was abandoned.

-It's revealed that The Talisman is the "axle of all possible worlds". let's go timeline knowers!!!!!! Jack is the "chosen one" because he’s one of few “single-natured” people, meaning because his Twinner died (when Sloat had tried killing him in his crib in the real world, his Twinner had died in his crib in the Territories) and since that happened, he died in all other worlds, but he still exists in one world, only one world.

Morgan says how since there's endless worlds/timelines, then there more than just "twinners" and the Territories is just one world out of infinite ones.

-The Talisman is also the same in The Territories as it is in the real world and is the single thing that is the exact same in all worlds.

The closer Jack gets to the Talisman in the Black Hotel, the more he flips between worlds and the more the worlds overlap.

This may be the most important parallel:

The light within the crystal globe of the Talisman was every color of the rainbow. Rainbows are mentioned a few times throughout the book, even on the first page. When Jack would feel happy or protected during his journey, he would be reminded of a rainbow. You realize it’s because the Talisman is literally calling him before he even knows about it. In a scene he heals Speedy with the Talisman and even chants “rainbow! rainbow!”.

Idk if I've ever mentioned this, but I’ve been theorizing for a while now that the rainbow room is a direct reference to the multiple timelines/other timeline selves. I think this book proves me right, especially since The Talisman is the axis of all possible worlds.

The first time I ever thought this was because of this shot, twins on the rainbow.

“there upon a rainbow is the answer to a never ending story”

It gets more interesting when you look at something like skittles (taste the rainbow) and who is seen having them in the series.

I have also theorized that max being in a coma is important bc she's not fully gone but wherever she is, she may be another version of herself in a different timeline completely. She wasn’t supposed to be revived and I think this gives the characters an upper hand in s5 because she is still existing out there somewhere, as her Twinner possibly, and that Twinner may have knowledge the characters need if they can find her.

also here’s just some more rainbows in "holly’s" room that I had to add hehehe

-When Jack makes contact with The Talisman for the first time, an earthquake happens across all worlds.

-The final battle between Morgan and Jack takes place on the beach of the Black Hotel, and snow stars to fall. A huge storm ensues and reminds me of the source and spores in the air in Billy’s mind in s3.

-The very end of the book is the Talisman healing Jack’s dying mom and the queen of The Territories waking up. The healing is described as a birth and they describe it in vivid detail even mentioning how “the opening of the Talisman was like a vagina.” We all know the gates resemble vaginas, and how there is soooo much about mothers and birthing in this show and it just reminded me of this kickass post also by the goat @henrysglock because I cannot get into all that here but iykyk <3

But let's think about this again. The queen only wakes up because her other self in another world is healed, and is healed by something that holds every timeline in existence... and maybe that's why they chose to have the Talisman in the scene it is, and why they paralleled Max to the queen. In conclusion, I think Max’s Twinner is one of the answers to everything, and could even be possible that she'll wake up as her Twinner, not the Max we all know.

Thats about it! I lowkey feel like I’m missing a certain dynamic or something but if I think of it I’ll edit this and add it. I finished reading it a long time ago so this took a while to remember what was going in this book bc it has like 700 pages 😭😭 anyways I rly love this book even despite the few shortcomings it has and am so excited to see the series the Duffers are working on for it !!!!!!!! aaaaa

[tepkunset]

Thoughts on X-Men 97 S01E02 – Mutant Liberation Begins

TL;DR: X-Men 97’s butchering of the Trial of Magneto is more than just a bad adaptation. It’s an offensive stripping of a core part of the original story and of Magneto’s character.

The Trail of Magneto story arc in the Uncanny X-Men comics is an iconic turn for the character and the team; it is a transformation of an enemy turned friend. But that is not all the story represents. Delving deeper into its layers, one can pull out a lot of messages. The biggest one I relate to is the effects of compound systemic oppression when one has multiple identities marking them as a minority. But that’s missing in X-Men 97’s adaptation… even worse, it actively counters this point.

Before we get into the cartoon’s adaptation, let’s take a look at the comics, first.

The story begins in Uncanny X-Men #199, where Magneto and Kitty Pryde both attend a special reception at the National Holocaust Memorial in Washington, DC. It is here that Kitty is able to reconnect with folks who knew her family, who were victims in the Auschwitz concentration camp, and Magneto reconnects with people he knew there as well. They praise him for helping them survive.

But Freedom Force breaks into the reception and tries to arrest Magneto in the name of the US government. Magneto initially resists: “My land—all the countries of the world—turned their backs on me and mine when we were condemned to Hitler's death camps. Therefore, in return, I have sworn to deny them!” However, when he sees how afraid everyone around him is, he accepts their arrest and agrees to stand trial.

The story continues in Uncanny X-Men #200. Magneto’s trial by the international court of justice begins with England’s Attorney-General claiming there is no such thing as mutant oppression, which we the readers know, is a blatant lie. Despite this, Magneto remains calm, and when it’s his turn to speak, he says the following:

“My dream, from the start, has been the protection and preservation of my own kind, mutants. To spare them the fate my family suffered in Auschwitz and do not tell me such a thing cannot happen again, because that is a lie! You humans slaughter each other because of the colour of your skin, or your faith or your politics—or for no reason at all—too many of you hate as easily as you draw breath, what's to prevent you adding us to that list?!”

But the trial attracts the attention of the Fenris twins; the Nazi offspring of Baron Von Strucker. They are there to kill Magneto, Xavier, and Gabrielle Haller (AKA David Haller’s mother), because she is Jewish and was an enemy of their father. Magneto risks his life to save everyone in the trial from them, but Xavier’s heart gives out and he nearly dies in Magneto’s arms, until he’s whisked away by his alien girlfriend who says she can save him. Xavier makes Magneto vow to stand with the X-Men and teach the New Mutants in his absence.

So, let’s keep in mind how intertwined Magneto’s Jewish and mutant identities are in this story; how they interact and shape his views and actions together. Because X-Men 97 is about to take all that away.

In X-Men 97 S01E02, when Val Cooper and the UN show up to arrest Magneto, he surrenders peacefully to try and gain the X-Men’s trust. And Magneto’s speech is very different from that of the comics:

“As a boy, my people's homes were burned to ash, because we dared to call God by another name. Then, my people hunted me with those who had once hunted them. I was a freak, born a mutant. An abomination to their misnamed gods. In history's sad song, there is a refrain. Believe differently, love differently, be of different sex or skin, and be punished. We sing this song to one another. The oppressed become oppressors.”

And it is not the Fenris twins who show up, but just generic Friends of Humanity baddies, led by X-Cutioner.

This adaptation may contain the surface-level story beats of the original, but it misses the heart of the matter; it misses the point!

Magneto’s cartoon speech separates him from his Jewish community. That is something the Magneto I know would never do. In the comics, his part about how humans are always killing each other speaks much more volumes, because he is speaking about his experience not just as a mutant, but as a Jewish person who has survived genocide. Magneto, or anyone with more than identity, does not have to choose between them. This show now says otherwise.

What I hate most of all about his cartoon speech though, is the line, “the oppressed become oppressors.” This is straight up cloaked white supremacist rhetoric; the fear that if racial/ethnic minorities are given equal rights, we will take over and start oppressing white settlers. And no, I’m not saying minorities are exempt from carrying prejudices against others, obviously. What I’m saying is, oppression is a systemic problem that largely stems from colonialism, and to paint oppressed people as a danger that needs to be oppressed or will oppress you, is a terrible idea used by colonizers to justify the system of colonialism. It is not based on fact.

The message of Magneto’s speech in the comics is that he has personally suffered from the hands of oppression before, and does not want others to suffer more. The message of magneto’s speech in the cartoon is that all people are bad, end of story. There is no nuance, there is no larger context at play, and there is no real grit to the words said! They have de-clawed Magneto’s character, and they have ripped away what he stands for… who he stands for.

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Playbook: How To Cultivate Self-Regard (In Every Area Of Life)

How to live with self-respect in every aspect of life. Here's your ultimate guide to living in your dark feminine energy.

Living with self-regard (or self-respect) means understanding that you cannot pour from an empty cup and the importance of making yourself your #1 priority. Feeling your best also has a domino effect. You become a better friend, boss, sibling, parent, child, lover, etc. when you feel comfortable with yourself and content in your own skin. Of course, some of these practices will apply to more than one area of life (ex. Sleep improves your physical and mental health and a good night’s rest can also be considered an act of self-care), but these principles/examples are divided up to streamline these tips. Enjoy xx 

Areas of Life: 

Career

Self-Care/Self-Development 

Finances

Physical Health 

Mental Health/Emotional Well-Being 

Sexual Health/Sexuality & Sensuality 

Relationships (All Types - Friends, Family, Work, Intimate) 

Career: 

Discover what you love: Find the subject matters, industries, and a way of adding value that lights you up inside. Take a job or get creative in your methodology to make this area of interest into your career.

Set clear goals: Do I want to work at a particular company? What position/title? Do I want to go out on my own – who are my dream clients, work volume, lifestyle, business structure, income? Write all these details down and strategize small, practical daily tasks/habits to reach your goal.

Build an indispensable skillset: Research, case-building, copywriting, strategic planning, computer programming, sales, data analytics, etc. Learn transferable skills to guarantee you'll always have something valuable to bring to the table in our ever-changing world/work culture. Start with one and accumulate more as you work towards self-mastery.

Know your worth: Negotiate – your salary, rates, workday structure, corporate benefits, PTO, etc. Never let someone have you begging for breadcrumbs or the bare minimum.

Speak up (when necessary): Communicate – clearly, directly, and assertively. Don't let someone walk all over you. Finish your sentences with certainty even if someone tries to interrupt you while you're speaking. Advocate for yourself, whether you're trying to secure a promotion, a new project, a proposed solution for a client, or taking a necessary break. Also, know when it's in your best interest to stay silent. Ensure your integrity remains intact. The truth of a matter speaks volumes.

Organize your day (Prioritize!): Set yourself up to win by outlining your priorities first before others' tasks and projects consume your mind and calendar. List your top 3 to-dos for the day that are non-negotiables for you and will inch you closer to your goals. I recommend the Productivity Planner for daily use.

Keep records: Have email records and call notes regarding every interaction and decision written down. This practice enables you to stand your ground when necessary and saves you a lot of trouble.

Set boundaries: Proudly affirm your 'no' to a project, any disrespectful comment, or too many nights of overtime work. Schedule and stick to your breaks and the time you clock out (within reason, of course). Never allow a company or endeavor to run you into the ground at the expense of your mental or physical health.

Make connections: Cultivating a network of mentors, colleagues, and peers in the same or adjacent fields is priceless. These connections can lead to new opportunities, provide a healthy and productive space to explore ideas, or generally vent and exchange advice. Strike up that conversation at lunch or an event. Follow up with a LinkedIn request or thoughtful email. You never know what this conversation might lead to and the opportunities it can bring.

Self-Care/Self-Development: 

Create daily/weekly rituals: Establish ones that add a little joy and streamline your day. These habits can range from a 10-minute yoga or meditation session every morning, to practicing morning pages or a daily shadow work prompt, reading 10 pages daily, getting your steps in, and planning your tasks, lunch, and outfit for the next day the night before to creating a weekly house-cleaning schedule or meal planning. Discover systems that allow you to put yourself first and set you up to win the day.

Find ways to feel beautiful: Create luscious skincare, shower, and hair/makeup/nail routines that make you feel like a queen. Invest in well-fitting, high-quality wardrobe staples. Make your favorite cup of coffee or tea daily. Keep your signature scent on hand. Exfoliate. Invest in matching pajama sets.

Indulge all of your senses: Light a candle. Put on a moody playlist to relax, focus, unwind, or turn you on – any melody that suits the occasion and gets you in the zone. Take a bubble bath or do a face mask. Relish in a warm beverage or a healthful, comforting meal. Use silk pillowcases, hair ties, and bed sheets. Pamper yourself with small everyday luxuries.

Expand your knowledge: Make it a priority to read a few articles and 10 pages of a book daily. Being educated on different topics and the world provides you with personal fulfillment and enables you to enter into a wider pool of conversations. This practice also strengthens your mind, sharpens focus, and helps your brain relax.

Explore your interests: Learn what subjects and activities light you up inside. Whether it's painting, dancing, tennis, spin classes, learning about ancient world history, politics, fashion, science, etc. Take time to study and practice in these areas of interest.

Embrace your creative side: Write, read, draw, create a mood board, explore Pinterest or Tumblr, style outfits, organize a section of your room, cook a new recipe, make a playlist – any fun activity that ignites creativity.

Plan dates for yourself: Take yourself out for coffee, lunch, a shopping date, or even a mini vacation. You deserve to enjoy experiences and derive pleasure from enjoying these life moments without worrying about anyone but yourself.

Remember to rest: Getting 7-8 hours of sleep nightly and taking breaks is essential for productivity and overall well-being. Never feel guilty for allowing your body and mind to recover. Neglecting rest only backfires if you're playing the long-term game.

Finances: 

Know your income/expense ratio: Ensure you know exactly how much money is coming in and going out every month. Create a personal balance sheet to audit your financial well-being.

Track everything: Keep a record of every stream of income and where every dollar is going – expenses, savings, estimated taxes, investments, charity, etc.

Have a set emergency fund: Between 3-12 months of expenses should be ready in a high-yield savings account at all times. If you have a family or are self-employed, aim for 6-12 months of necessary savings to stay sane. Saving this amount of money takes time. Be patient, and cut back on frivolous expenses if needed for the short term. It's an act of self-care.

Invest (especially in a Roth IRA or backdoor Roth IRA): Set one up through Vanguard or Fidelity ASAP if you have not already. Don't underestimate the importance of compound interest on your financial future and security.

Automatically pay yourself first: Automate a portion of your paycheck to savings and your investments, so you never see this money. Pay yourself first before spending (on anything but necessities).

Always max out your 401K employer-matching: Make sure you know what percentage your employer will match and always meet this investment requirement. Do yourself the favor. It's literally free money.

Only spend on your essentials & what you actually enjoy: Invest in pleasurable items and activities strategically. Only spend on additional experiences and products that add value to your life. Cut unfulfilling expenses.

Read about personal finance/speak with your brokerage firm: Take time to read about these topics and learn everything your parents didn't teach you or were not taught at school. Use licensed professionals (CPAs, brokerage firms, etc.) as a resource, too, for your personal goals.  

Use savings plug-ins/discount codes 

Physical Health: 

Cook/eat healthy meals: At least 80% of the time. Focus on eating whole foods and a (mainly) plant-based diet. I've been vegan for 10 years and it's done wonders for my body, skin, and mental clarity.

Drink plenty of water daily: Set a target of ounces = to your weight in pounds. Incorporate lemon, lime, orange wedges, or frozen berries if necessary to keep this habit interesting.

Find workouts you love: Whether that's low-impact like pilates, yoga, walking or dance classes, spin classes, weight-lifting, etc. The best exercise routine is the one you can gladly maintain.

Make daily movement a priority: At least 15-30 minutes daily. I aim for 10-12K steps at least 5 days a week.

Limit processed foods, alcohol, cigarettes 

Step outside: Get at least 10 minutes of sun daily, weather permitting. Always wear sunscreen.

Sleep Well: Aim for 7-8 hours (Create a sleep hygiene routine!)

Maintain proper hygiene: Shower daily, moisturize, wash your hair on your necessary schedule, brush your body from head to toe, etc.

Do pelvic floor exercises: It does wonders for your bladder and helps to satisfy your libidinal energy.

Go to your annual appointments: Primary doctor/Obgyn/Dentist/Dermatologist

Mental Health/Emotional Well-Being: 

Meditate: Some of my favorite ones are linked HERE (for anxiety), HERE, (focus/productivity), and HERE (feminine/sexual energy).

Journal: Do a daily shadow work prompt, gratitude journal exercise, or practice morning pages (stream of consciousness journaling for 3 pages every morning).

Read: 10 pages of a self-development/psychology book, at least 3-5 articles, or a chapter of a fiction or non-fiction book. Daily.

Take breaks: A 10-minute walk, a real lunch break, listening to music, making coffee. Something pleasurable to recenter your focus and energy.

Discover movement you love: Walking and dancing are your best friends.

Keep your space clean: Wipe off all surfaces and put things away daily. Keep your desk organized. Clean and put away the dishes before bed. Stick to a house cleaning schedule.

Make to-do/bullet-point lists: For every area of life – work, chores, groceries, other items you need, wishlists, activities, and hobbies you want to pursue

Schedule and plan out your week: House cleaning, laundry, work project management, email time blocking, appointments, beauty routines, workouts, etc.

Create non-negotiables: Sleep, daily walks, a healthy dinner, your skincare routine, a 15-minute shower – whatever must-do rituals you need to look and feel your best every day.

Connect with your inner circle: Make a deliberate effort to stay in touch and catch up with those who are loyal and have your best interest at heart. Make time to chat on the phone, send a text, or better yet –get coffee, lunch, drinks, or dinner weekly with at least one person who you know makes your life richer in some type of way.

Put restrictions on social media/screen time: Use your settings to limit your time on certain apps (Instagram, Twitter, Tik Tok, Facebook, etc.). I set mine for 2 hours a day. Stop checking email right before bed and first thing in the morning (at least try really hard not to –I'm so guilty of this one!).

Give freely: Be generous with those who you love, mentors, and mentees. Everyone appreciates when you put a little effort into giving someone a small thoughtful gift, doing a kind gesture, or lending an ear. It makes you feel good and can make someone's day, week, month, or year.

Set boundaries: Take time for yourself – to recharge, indulge in solo activities, have some fresh air, breathe, or sit in silence. Give freely with no expectations, but never overextend yourself. When seeking to know whether you're striking the right balance between giving and gatekeeping your energy ask yourself: Am I being kind, or do I feel like I'm losing a piece of myself when engaging with this person/attending this event? Be honest with yourself. Listen to and follow your initial gut reaction.

Go to therapy: If you can afford it, weekly (or bi-weekly, monthly) sessions are a game-changer for self-discovery, emotional regulation, and general happiness/life fulfillment.

Sexual Health/Sexuality & Sensuality:

Let go of shame: Internalize your right to pleasure. Claim ownership over this aspect of your life. It gives you confidence in and outside of the bedroom, so you move through the world with a magnetic aura and powerfully feminine energy.

Own your sexuality and preferences: Embrace who and what you're attracted to. This principle extends from your sexual orientation to your libido, turn-ons (fantasies, adult content, steamy memories, etc.), preferred positions, kinks, and devices. Sexuality and arousal are so personal. Allow yourself to be free of stigmas for the things you do in private. No one needs to know how you derive pleasure behind closed doors (unless it's a partner who's involved, of course).

Make time for self-pleasure and exploration (at least weekly): Understanding that you're in control of your own pleasure is empowering. Learning what you like is essential for sexual gratification – whether you're alone or sharing the experience with a partner.

Allow the mind-body connection to be your friend, not your enemy: Sex starts in the mind, so this point is important for climaxing. Get out of your head and into your body. Learning to enjoy your own body is a sign of self-respect.

Keep everything clean & hygienic: Only wash inside with water (no steaming!), clean any toys, and use protection. Safety and self-regard go hand-in-hand.

Find products & habits that make you feel beautiful: Invest in lingerie, sheets, perfume, body lotions, candles, wine, etc. that make you feel confident while in the mood.

Engage in playful & creative activities: Don't be shy about (safe and consensual) experimentation (I'll leave this to your imagination) and activities to build up tension, like a romantic dinner or a dancing session beforehand to make this area of your life more exciting and fulfilling.

Relationships: 

Communicate expectations: Clearly and often with any individual in your life. Listen and respond. Don't react. Validate emotions when necessary. If someone cannot do the same, understand that it's almost always a sign of projection. Remain calm and confident in yourself. Always command and show up to others with the highest level of respect.

Have empathy, but not at your own expense: Live with respect and consideration for others, but remember your life is for YOU. Beware of guilt-trippers. Don't take the bait.

Set boundaries: Uphold them unapologetically. Seek to understand others' needs and boundaries, so you can be considerate of their needs too. Empathy and kindness come from a place of self-respect. They are not the same people-pleasing.

Be generous (but don’t overextend yourself): See above in the mental health section.

Be true to yourself: Authenticity is essential to personal fulfillment. Live in your uniqueness. Remember: trying to be someone else doesn't work, she's already taken. You have so much value to offer this world. Let your queen energy shine through. Live your truth. Remain self-assured. Be unapologetically you.

[kyrakyrakitty]

this might come off as cruel or sadistic, but i don't want walpurgisnacht rising to have a perfect ending for madoka and homura. i dont want a doom and gloom ending, either - i think the best outcome of the film would be a bittersweet ending ♡

i dont wanna flood your dashes, so ill elaborate below the cut!! and in case you dont want to read, ill wish you a good day now ♡♡

first tho, pmmm is a story of hope, and it's given that to me and so many others for over a decade now. i think everyone is touched by it in a different way, and that's one of my favorite parts of this community!! but that's also to say, i know i don't speak for everyone here, and i love seeing posts about a happily-ever-after scenario for the holy quintet ♡ i love all of these characters immensely, and i definitely understand the desire to see them finally find peace, so i dont write this with any ill intent towards the characters or all of you in this community who just want to see them happy ♡ i know many of you have just as special a place in your heart for this series as i do, and i think thats incredible for so many reasons ♡

that said!

madoka's wish and homura's wish are inherently incompatible. they're mutually exclusive. madoka cannot sacrifice herself for the greater good without devastating homura, and homura cannot keep madoka safe without preventing her from fulfilling her dream of giving everything she has to others. there cannot be hope without despair, after all.

ive always loved the ending of the og series for being so bittersweet. it says "life can be painful, but there's always reason to hope", and "you are never alone", but it doesn't promise a perfect outcome. life will hurt, and you can do everything in your power to change it, but just as you can always find hope for a better tomorrow, you can never erase all of the pain from the world. i think a happily-ever-after ending would muddle that message, and i don't think its possible for madoka and homura to live happily together - at least not as they are now.

if madoka and homura were to end up together at the end, they'd both have to undergo major character development. madoka would have to realize that as hard as she tries, she can't save everyone, and sometimes the pain you'll cause by sacrificing yourself will outweigh whatever hope you might instill. homura would have to come to terms with the fact that she cannot spare madoka from every source of pain without, herself, hurting madoka.

the happiest ending i could forsee (for madohomu, at least) would involve both of them undergoing a major event to come to their respective conclusions and move forward together with that trauma and an earnest desire to reach an equilibrium. i think the most effective way to accomplish this would be a major character death - probably mami and/or sayaka (and if both, may as well throw in kyoko and nagisa for extra angst! :) ♡) - that occurs specifically because madoka has overused her magic to help others and no longer has any to give to save her friend(s) without completely corrupting her soul gem, and similarly because homura could not prevent madoka from witnessing the death(s) of those she cherished and experiencing that grief and pain.

alternately, the two could cease to exist together. perhaps the "homura is walpurgisnacht" theory is true (i think there's a solid chance) and in order to save the world, madoka has to use all her strength to kill her and the two of them go down together kyosaya style.

another fun ending (albeit not one where the two are together) is a variation of madoka killing homura as walpurgisnacht - what if madoka had to kill homura before she becomes walpurgisnacht, in a direct parallel to homura shooting madoka's soul gem to prevent her from becoming a witch? oh how the turn tables,,,,

ooh! or what if both homura and madoka have to disappear together, but ai (clara doll #15, and our mystery magical girl if that theory holds (which i also think is likely)) lives on as a remnant of the love they shared?? then we could get a manga afterwards thats just a lil story about ai's life as a magical girl too!!

i think i forgot the thesis of this post towards the end there, but thank you for reading!! id love to hear any thoughts you have!! ♡♡ may you always find reason to smile ♡♡

[the-grand-gemini]

Big obsessed with all of the BG3 villains. The themes of the cycle of abuse/trauma in all of the main cast makes me feral over how the villains unfortunately do not/did not get the opportunity to be "saved" by Tav (if doing a good playthrough) and by experiencing the heros journey.

I could talk about Ketheric and Orin, but after reading @bearhugsandshrugs fic it got me deep diving into Gortash's character. It's amazing and everyone should read it especially if you're weak for Tav/Gortash like I am 👀💦

Trigger warning for abuse mentions below the cut.

Let me start with stating this is NOT an Enver Gortash apologist post, he's evil and he's done terrible things. This is just me yelling into the void about character foils.

Childhood abuse:

In game we really only get to know his history through background information that we can scrape together if you search through the city and the House of Hope.

We don't get any details on what exactly Enver went through as a child. We can assume neglect/possible violence from his parents given his mother's words and the fact they sold him. We get to know that he was beaten when living in the House of Hope, but not what other possible horrors he could have experienced there (not including just the trauma of witnessing the other debtors and Hope), what age he was, or for how long (if anyone knows more timeline wise I'd love to know) he lived there before he escaped. We don't know how he escaped either, if he had help or did so on his own.

I'm no child psychologist, but abuse has lasting effects as we can see through all of the main party. Victims of abuse tend to have difficulty moving past certain emotional stages in their life. Aka a person abused in their childhood may have issues maturing emotionally without therapy, etc (again I'm not a psychologist). There is a strong possibility that "Child" Enver is still probably holding the reins emotionally while adult Enver isn't even aware of how his past affects every action and reaction he has at all times.

I can't imagine how living with Raphael during ones formative years being healthy in anyway, but we can definitely see some of the learned behaviours he's picked up from the Cambion. A focus on possing/presentation, a suave persona, torturing/using people for his own gain, a general lack of empathy, deal making, similar attire with devil motifs...

Unhealthy coping mechanisms:

Speaking of attire, Enver's coat not allowing Fear to be cast on him speaks volumes to me. Imagine the absolute horror of moving from one situation of abuse to another much worse one in the hells as a child/teen and probably being in a state of fear/anxiety at all times. Enver wearing a coat that doesn't allow him to feel fear gives me three main thoughts:

1. He is doing everything in his power to avoid that specific emotion and therefore prevents himself from thinking about that period of his life. Meaning he is not confronting his trauma the same way the main party is forced to throughout the game.

2. Narratively does the coat prevent him from feeling any fear at all? Or do we just go with the game mechanic that ensures he cannot be made afraid by the fear spell? If it prevents him from feeling fear at all (which I think is narratively more interesting and you can take this headcanon out of my cold dead hands) how does this effect his every day decisions? Fear prevents risky decisions all the time, it's one of the emotions that actively keeps people alive. Psychopaths usually don't experience fear the same way an average person would. Given his many horrific actions (the Iron Throne being a key example) I wonder how much his forceful removal of fear has done to his perception of rational thought. If you aren't afraid of consequences what's to stop you from doing anything at all? Selling a loyal body guard to the hells, torturing an entire faction of people in order to manufacturer your own personal army, stealing from an immensely powerful devil aka mother fucking MEPHISTOPHELES??? He presents himself as calm and collected in conversation. He appears as if he's the most rational of all three villains when he's really just as awful when we look into what he's actually been up to vs seeing Orin and Ketheric kill people on screen.

3. Where did he get the coat? Did he make it himself or was it a boon from Bane? A promise to a devout worshiper that he would never be made to feel afraid or beneath anyone again?

Another abuser - Bane:

Speaking of Bane... Another user (please tag if anyone can find the original post!) mentioned a line Astarion says where he states that he prayed to all the gods, but none answered. OP wondered if Enver, trapped in the hells and desperate for salvation, called out the same way... only for Bane to be the only god to answer. I'd die to know specifically when he was introduced to Bane and made to be his chosen.

We know Bane is considered an evil god and we even find that if we kill Enver and then use speak with dead that Bane is torturing him in the afterlife for failing him.

Given this abusive relationship is Enver a foil for Gale, a man groomed from a young age by a goddess and left with the consequences when his actions did not meet her expectations?

Is he like Shadowheart, someone who was given no alternative and made to believe they willingly chose their god only to learn they were deceived and never had any other options?

Like Wyll he's cast out by his father (or in his case both parents).

Like Lae'zel he's worshipping a deity with false promises, how can he believe he'll rule the entire world like a god himself when Bane the god of TYRANNY would see no other at the top but himself (Was he secretly planning to use the crown like Gale to usurp Bane or just pandering to us)?

We know he and Karlach are absolutely foils for each other given that he is her abuser and like himself Karlach was forged by her times in the hells only to survive on her own merits.

Those are my thoughts! Would love to know anyone else's on the walking red flag that is Lord Enver Gortash.

If Enver lost his memories like the Dark Urge would he be given a chance to redeem himself through his actions? Could he with his knowledge of infernal engines fix Karlach's heart

Would Enver have ever become Lord Gortash if not for Bane...?

Anyways if anyone wants to yell at me about Enver, Orin, or Ketheric please feel free to do so! I love characters who fell through the cracks because they had no one there to help them only to crawl out themselves and burn the world.

[melisusthewee]

In my ongoing attempt to convince people to watch this movie (because it is so fucking good you have no idea), I put together this list of reasons why you need to watch this film. Sorry, but I can't be normal about this:

None of the backgrounds or environments are CGI! Those mountains? Those are the Andes! That's the real Valley of Tears! While filming with the actors was done in a different location (I believed they filmed in the Sierra Nevadas?), location photography and filming was done in the Andes and then spliced accordingly into the film.

It's an ensemble piece! Until now, most movies/docs/books have (understandably) focused almost exclusively on Nando Parrado and Roberto Canessa because of their 10 day trek through the mountains. But the group was more than just the two of them and this film shows that by emphasizing everyone's importance and roles in their survival.

Having said that, NANDO PARRADO IS THE FUCKING GOAT. This guy fractured his skull during the crash which caused his brain to swell. Everyone thought he was dead at first and only brought him back inside the plane when someone noticed he was still breathing. Even then, he wasn't expected to survive for very long so the others placed him where it was coldest which ended up saving his life as the cold temperature along with dehydration helped bring the swelling in his brain down. He was in a coma for three days, woke up to learn his mother was dead and his sister was dying, and decided, "Fuck this, I am getting off this mountain and you're all doing it with me." AND THEN HE DID, part of which involved hiking for 10 days across the Andes with NO GEAR.

The decision to make Numa Turcatti the narrator was brilliant. I cannot say more due to spoilers but iykyk.

Speaking of other films (looking at you, 1993's "Alive"), this movie cast exclusively Uruguayan (and some Argentinian) actors in order to give it proper authenticity.

This movie does not fuck around, with the crash happening within the first 15 minutes of the movie. And it is horrible in that it is probably one of the most accurate portrayals of a plane crash? I don't like flying, and I was incredibly anxious watching it to the point where I thought initially I might have to turn it off. But despite this, it never feels exploitive or anything. Just... real.

The entire movie was shot chronologically in order to give the make-up team an easier time with getting the actors to look increasingly gaunt and disheveled as well as adding a tighter consistency between shots and scenes. Many of the actors lost upwards of 50 lbs by the time filming was concluded.

For the avalanche scene, the actors were buried under nearly 8 inches of real snow. Because of this, the redness of their skin isn't the work of make-up or special effects but is very real.

Michael Giacchino's score. But even more importantly, his use of silence.

Honestly, this movie feels genuinely cold in a way that most movies and tv shows never quite capture. The sound of frozen clothing crunching, the frost that covers them, the clear impact of cold and frost on hair and skin, the shaking and shivering. It's really hard to describe, but like... it didn't feel like these were just actors on a set walking around. It felt genuinely cold.

The payada (rhyming/rap battle) was entirely improvised by the actors.

Enzo Vogrincic (Numa) looks like a young Adam Driver. You know you want to watch him stare soulfully into the camera for two hours. (But really, the acting in this movie is phenomenal.)

For Cold Boy fanciers, Gustavo Zerbino is basically the group's Goodsir - a cinnamon roll doing his best.

Fito Strauch's homemade sunglasses!

I could write an essay about the way the film confronts and portrays the cannibalism. Since I've rambled on long enough, let me just say here that it feels authentic in the way it's handled and not like you typically expect to see in stories like the Franklin Expedition, the Essex, or the Donner Party. (My only criticism is that it looks like they used raw chicken as the meat? And I unfortunately happen to know that human meat very much does not look like chicken.)

MOST IMPORTANTLY, this movie gives voices to those who didn't survive the mountains. And yes, it is a story about survival (and is a wonderful portrayal of positive masculinity) but it is really a story about love. Love for one's friends. Love for each other. And how love is the only way we survive.

[ladyofvoss]

FFXIVWrite 2024 #14: Telling

adjective: carrying great weight and producing a marked effect

They deserved to know.

It sat in her gut, curling around her insides like wretched, bog-infested vines. A horrid, monstrous truth.

But they needed to know.

Traders alive, how was Thalia going to tell them?

Uncle Theo could have lived, should have lived, but instead chose to give up the miracle that could have spirited him to safety for the chance to save her life.

She had been agonizing over this for days, pacing a restless path throughout the Rising Stones, or finding solace in the solar as she unloaded her woes onto Minfilia’s understanding shoulders.

“They would understand, I’m sure of it,” her friend encouraged her gently, as they sat in the solar during one of said respites.

“Would they?” Thalia countered, lifting her head from where it was dropped into her hands, “my mother was never the same after. My grandfather nearly died from the grief. If they knew I was the reason he didn’t return home….”

“They would not blame you”, Minfilia interjected, firmly, speaking with an authority that brokered little argument, “if what you’ve told me of your family is true, blame would be the last thing on their mind. They would grieve again, perhaps, but never find fault in you.”

Thalia said nothing, staring resolutely at the table in front of them as she fought back distressed tears. But Minfilia was undeterred, gently tilting Thalia’s face towards her.

“I have watched how this weighs on you, my friend. It burdens you greatly, and I cannot bear to see you suffer any longer.”

And in that moment, the damn broke. Perhaps it was the empathy in her friend’s eyes, or the past few days finally reaching a breaking point, but in that moment the tears flowed without stopping. Thalia wept bitterly, curling in on herself as Minfila pulled her into her arms, one hand stroking her hair, the other rubbing soothing circles on her shoulders.

“I’m so afraid, ‘filia”

“I know, darling. I know.”