#customer alfred

[coralcatsea]

(Image is inspiration only, the post is unrelated to this game).

My brain, instantly: What if Arthur—

—was a witch who ran a little general store like this and sold simple potions and charms to help people out, and Alfred ended up checking the place out due to curiosity, then ended up becoming a regular customer because he liked the person who ran the shop and because the products were useful. Then one day he comes in to buy a bunch of luck and courage potions so he can work up the nerve to ask out a special someone. 👁️👁️

And what if Alfred alluded to this, but Arthur, not knowing who the special someone is and feeling a bit jealous, gives out fake potions or anti-charms that hinder Alfred’s chances to confess (free of charge).

Example, if Arthur gave a potion that was supposed to make Alfred too embarrassed to talk to his crush. Shortly after, Alfred stops coming to see him for some strange reason. 🫢

It turns out, though, Alfred is coming to see him, he's just hiding behind a tree and failing to get any closer.

Arthur tries to approach or talk to him, but Alfred immediately runs away or comes up with some excuse.

Poor Arthur is baffled and frustrated.

Next time Alfred comes (to the nearby tree, anyway), Arthur asks what the deal is, if Alfred's too busy with his new boyfriend now or something, and Alfred just looks at him in confusion.

"What boyfriend?"

"The fellow you were going to confess to?"

"I can't!" And then he runs away again.

Next time Arthur finds Alfred behind the tree, he asks, "Why can't you confess?"

"For some reason, I can't make myself talk to him for very long anymore. It's like something's holding me back. I guess I keep losing my nerve."

It's as Arthur expected, and he opens his mouth to say something else, but Alfred's already making a mad dash out of there.

The time after, Arthur asks, "Why won't you talk to me like you used to?"

"I don't know!" Then Alfred elaborates, and Arthur hears that same reason from earlier, "It's like something's holding me back. I guess I keep losing my nerve..."

Realisation dawns upon Arthur. He inwardly admits he maaaayy have been foolish. And now he has to administer an antidote.

If he can manage to catch Alfred, that is.

Tackling him to the ground may be necessary.

[superstarbarbie1977]

The Birds (1963) Tippi Hedren Barbie by me and @depoteka !

[c-the-crazy-cat-lady]

Jaskier from season 3 and Geralt in a bathtub customs.

[themalhambird]

The world is not real: Charlotte cannot touch it. This -news-, this tragedy  is not real either, and it cannot touch her. There’s too much cotton in her ears, there’s an endless, keening chime slowly boring through her skull- in at one temple, out at the other- a continuous line, all the way through…

She is sitting on the sofa. There’s a cup and saucer cradled in her hands. She doesn’t remember picking it up, but the steam is ghosting over her face. It’s fresh. (Her husband is dead). Polly must have given it to her. (Her husband died at his own hand.) They have a visitor, she ought to be showing more hospitality. She wonders if there’s any of that fruitcake left. (Alfred confessed to murder. Alfred confessed to murder,  and then Alfred murdered himself)

“Mama?”

Polly’s voice, soft and tentative as it is, makes her jump. Tea sloshes, spills over, pools in the delicate saucer. She shakes herself and focuses her gaze on Sir Julian. “That’s not,” she tries, but the sound barely forms. Charlotte pauses, swallows, tries again. “That’s not right,” she says, unsure if she’s really addressing Sir Julian Harker or merely facing his direction whilst trying to bargain with a Higher Power. “That’s not- none of this is right, Alfred wouldn’t- he wouldn’t do any of it, any of this…” But he has. He has, he has, he has, and when he comes home she’s going to skin him alive. “What will we do?” she asks, as the first beginnings of fear worm their way through the numbness of shock. “The disgrace of it-”

“Mama!” Polly cries, indignant. “At this moment, of all moments, your thoughts cannot be of what other people will think- what does that matter, what do any of them matter!”

It matters because they have never been reckless with money, but savings will not last forever and Charlotte doesn’t know if the widows of Police Inspectors who confess to capital offences and then take their own lives qualify for any sort of pension. It matters because the disapprobation of society in any circumstances can be death by a thousand cuts, whereas the widow who has the sympathies of her community has a better chance at maintaining a somewhat genteel situation. It matters because the infamy of the father will cast a shadow over the life and the character of the daughter- the best chance for Polly, now, is marriage, but what respectable, decent man would want a father- in- law six feet deep in unconsecrated ground?

“Mrs Hillinghead,” Sir Julian says solemnly, “I wish to assure you that you and your daughter will have the fullness of my protection. The events of the last twenty four hours- they will not reflect on you, nor on your daughter. You have my word.”

She acknowledges his words without really understanding- it will not be until much later, lying in a too-empty bed and staring up at the ceiling, unable to sleep- that Charlotte will consider that Harker told Polly about Alfred’s death before he told her, that he stood as close to Polly’s chair as proprietary allows for, that he has seemed- these past few weeks- to admire Polly: her beauty, her music. And perhaps nothing will come of it but friendship- , but the friendship of a man that powerful is not an asset to be scorned. And if it turns into anything more…

They were nineteen, she and Alfred, when they married- they had been friends their whole lives before that. And she had known about him:  years before they had married, she had known that  his desires steered his eyes not towards the ranks of giggling, frivolous girls who batted their eyelashes at his well built figure and handsome face, but to other members of his own sex. And she had ignored it, because she knew him: he was too good a man to act on those desires. And he was kind, and gentle, and they were friends, and a husband who would be perfectly happy to conduct a marriage with minimal activity in the matrimonial bed suited Charlotte. She had courted him as much as he had courted her, really, although whether he ever realised that…

And he’s dead. Her best friend of nearly forty years. The murder confession, she has already written off- she neither knows nor cares about the details. If it was a false confession, then he confessed to try and protect someone- probably that journalist, given the confession it prompted to her, and she is furious at him. She is furious at him for not protecting his wife and child, and for not letting the journalist face whatever justice he merited- unless, of course, the man threatened to reveal Alfred’s inclinations, and take the Inspector who had detected his crimes down along with him. That seems, to Charlotte, the most likely explanation. And if the confession is- was- true, then Alfred must have had good reason for taking another man’s life: she has seen him carry spiders in the palm of his hand to release them outside, rather than squash them underfoot; she has listened to him vent his frustrations about officers being too heavy handed with their arrests at more dinners than she can remember. Taking another human life…it must have broken something in his mind, which would explain being in such a state that he would…. It does not matter. Alfred is dead, either way- she is a widow, either way. And she will encourage Julian Harker’s friendship, because if Polly can catch him she will have a comfortable home, and a husband who seems a good hearted and generous man. And she, Charlotte, will grieve Alfred Hillinghead. But if his death unravels into the scandal she fears, then she will take care to grieve him quietly. She will survive this. She has to. She has to survive this so that there’s someone who remembers that Alfred Hillinghead played cricket as a boy and took two sugars in his tea.

[mzminola]

I was thinking "Oh man, I bet Cass is terrible at videogames" because game mechanics do NOT translate well to her skillset, and then I thought "But what about rhythm games like Beat Saber?" and that promptly led to "TIM INTRODUCES CASS TO DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION."

[timetraveladdict]

What If… Jaskier was a Witcher?

[blackswaneuroparedux]

These are bagpipes. I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made sound never equalled the purity of the sound achieved by the pig.

- Alfred Hitchcock

[discocandles]

more customer service voice Damian hcs, bc it's been a bit.

After learning the "regular citizen" voice, Damian decides he has to master more accents and dialects, in case he's on a mission away from Gotham and needs to blend in. (This is the son of Batman we're talking about, of course he plans for these things). Over the summer Damian travels to large cities around the world, and familiarizes himself with their way of speaking.

Cass found out very early on and decided she's going with Damian, bc I think Cass would enjoy sightseeing. But after they were caught leaving for Moscow(and after Damian explained that he was doing this for research at least 7 times) it was decided someone should supervise them. Dick patrols Bludhaven, so that was a no. Jason and Tim were automatically out. Steph went to supervise them, but was exempt after they were arrested in Seoul. So Duke ended up being supervision, unless Dick was available to go with them.

This doesn't mean they didn't get into chaos bc of Duke. No, it's bc with Duke, they can be invisible and not be caught doing the chaos. Duke does enjoys the trips with them tho, mostly for the sightseeing and food.

One time, Cass convinced Bruce to join them(how, no one really knows. Cass is just magic like that). And they had a good time in Rio de Janeiro, tho Bruce was almost recognized a few times, and he would sometimes try to sneak off and work. Unfortunately, Cass's attempts to invite Babs weren't as fruitful, mostly bc she didn't understand why Damian wanted to actually go to those places instead of learning it through the chatter radios of those areas instead. Damian's only response was that it wasn't the same and being there changes everything about it.(he was actually doing both methods).

Damian, Cass, and Duke do run into Talia at one point. She was intrigued as to what her son was doing in Melbourne with Cassandra, and the newest child Bruce had taken in, but is by no means unhappy to see him. Duke on the other hand, is scared to meet Damian's mom, given her reputation. Damian and cass being so nonchalant about meeting up with her probs didn't help.

There was a small "hi, what are you doing here? Huh, what a coincidence." Type of conversation. And then Duke sticks out his hand and says a (very awkward) "it's nice to meet you, Ms. Al Ghul." Which Talia shakes and says (also very awkwardly) "Uh, Talia is fine. And nice to meet you as well, Duke." Then leaves. Damian was surprised, he's never seen his mother so blatantly awkward before. He's seen her at a loss for words, but she remained elegant as she pondered what to say next. But in that moment, she was shy and dare he say nervous. "Thomas, what did you do to my mother?" "What? I dunno man. I was more worried about her glaring a hole in my skull."

The only trip that Damian went on with someone besides Cass was his trip to England, bc he wanted to go with Alfred. While he knows Cass would do fine, Damian wants to learn as much as he can, and learning from someone who grew up there and is close to him is his best bet. This of course took a lot of work, bc as everyone knows, Alfred Pennyworth is the backbone of the Batfamily, so convincing both him and the rest of the family would take some time and effort. But after a promise from Bruce to not be up to his ears in work while they were gone, Babs noting she will enforce that promise, plus Jason and Duke vowing to protect Alfred's kitchen at all costs, Alfred went with Damian for a week to visit the UK(by far the longest trip Damian went on).

And while the trip wasn't perfect(Damian almost beat a man bloody for insulting Alfred, and lots of bad weather), it was by no means a bad time. Damian picked up the accent and slang almost automatically, Alfred met some of his old friends. By consequence, Damian learned a lot about what his grandfather did before meeting the Wayne family, which he will not retell in a promise to Alfred(but he will say he knows just to mess with the rest of the family)

Did Wayne manor crumble in Alfred's absence? Surprisingly no. For the first couple days, Bruce made good on his promise to take care of himself, but by day 4, Babs had to entirely disconnect the computer when it was time for Bruce to sleep. And if Cass didn't guilt-trip the hell out of him and Steph didn't bully him, he probably wouldn't have fully left the bat-cave. Duke and Jason were able to protect the kitchen for the most part. Jason often made the dinner, and Duke catered to the random cravings of the rest of the family. They did have to call Kate for backup twice, but the smoke alarms never went off.

Overall having to fill Alfred's shoes was a good bonding experience for the family, though not one they would ever try to replicate willingly.

So I think that's all for Damian Wayne's summer world tour.

[hamburgerhowdy]

What's the FUTA credit reduction rate for California in 2024? I'm trying to process our 941 returns and Į̸͉̬͉̺̙͗̽̂͑͊̽̄͜͝ ̷̨͕̲͕̻̱̓c̵̣̆̆͌̍͘͘̚͠͝ā̵̡̛̬͈̝͔̳̽̔̀̔n̸͉̫͍̙̟͇͕͍̮̘͆̈́̆́'̴̡̹́̆̋̔͜t̵͊̈̑̂̍͘͝��̮̯ ̵̱̣̬͔̯̰͈̼͊̈́̒̆̅͂̀͂̈́͠p̸̲͕̦̞͇̱̼̠͉͙͆̄̈̒̏̚ō̵̻͓͉̗̖͙͍̪̥̋͌̊s̴̥̟̹̤̘͉͙̻͊͗̄͆̍̾̾̂͘ͅt̴̬̩̬͑̊̊̚͘ ̷̢̢̜̬̤̫͙͍̰̾̎̈́̚͝ͅp̸͎̥͕̼͈͈̝̄̇͝͝͠ͅạ̵̧̞͚̭͈̰̾̎͛̃͆̈̒͆̍̌ͅͅỳ̶̛̮̟͔̼̪̳̥̹͉͔͌̈́̇̏̃r̵̢̞̥̣̥̘͉̱̙̃́̉̿͋̃̏̇͝͝o̴̩̣͍͍͙̥̞̽̇͂͑̓ͅĺ̷͓̠̋̉͂̀̃͝l̴̢̮̘̞͇͊͒̈́͑̈͑͊̆͠ ̷̛̮̺͕͇͛͛̅͆̄͠w̵̛̙̯̝͒̌̂̓̈̎í̶̘͉̬̖̏̓͊t̸̨̹̻̼̩̏̅̃̍͛̆̕͘͝͝h̴̢̞̪̪̱͉͆͐̈́͗̓̈́̕̕͜͝ơ̸̧̜͙͇̱̜̦̮̘̝͊͂́̒͛u̶̗̱̩̗͛̏̇̓͊̓͂͛ț̸̑͊̐͠ ̷͈͈̩̮̌̃̍͊͛͠ͅk̴̳̒͜͠n̸̛̯̞͉͔̱͐̏̍͗̚͜ȍ̷̭͖̳͚̊͌̄̍͛̕̚̚͝w̴͎̮̼̬̹̜͕̫̥͓͐̆̓͊̒̒͘̕͝į̷̢̛̗͇͙̜̫̮̫́͑n̸̺̻̣͉͔͈̩̻̫̆̈́ͅğ̸̞͓̂̆̎̌́̎̔̐͠ ̴̛̠̱̣͕̈́̔̒t̸̛̥̺̤̟͊̎̽̎̒͒ḫ̶̢̖̲̮͊́̄̒̿͘̕ė̴̡̗̬̖͉̪͇̇̓̒͆̚͘͝ ̶̛̲̭̘͍̝̺͇̤̘̅̄͆̓c̵̦̊͝r̵̡̟̻͇͕̫͎̅͒̆͗̐̉́̍͜ȩ̵̡͎̲͖̃́d̷̲͕̠͙̟̫̓͗̀͌̉́̈́ì̷̺̹̜̜̤͔͖̻̤̮̑̐̿͘͘t̸̛̗̜͖͆̓̿̇̐͂͘͝ ̴̘̭͇͓̜̪̞̞́̉̂̀͑͛͌ȑ̸̢͈͖̻̣̳͎̯̠̋̊̉̀ẽ̴͍̩̽̍̾̆̓̀̚͝ͅd̴͕͇̥̝̱̘͍͗͂ͅǘ̴̢͎͙̩̰̭͚̕͜c̵͍̎̓̀͌̄̀̃́̚t̴̡͉̻͉̦͍̓͋̾̍̓̒̔̔̚ͅͅì̴̧̠̰̤̮̪͙͍̤͊͗̀͌͌̈́̇̆͜o̷̢̞̠̬͚͚̖̓̂n̸̝̞͛̋

Woah, woah, woah! Alright, hold up, I didn't catch all that. That FUTA reduction's gonna come out to 0.9% in sunny Cali, which is up from last year.

If you need, like, a personal accountant to do all this stuff for ya, I've got a few pals.

[dr-george-ordell]

@nat-of-personifications

"A yellow carnation bloom expresses the idea of rejection and disappointment with someone. In the world of the European personifications, to recive a yellow carnation was a sign of rejection in an alliance or proposed marriage. In more dire cases, it was a silent disownment from one's chosen family. To be disowned is to do something so unforgivingable, a henious crime of personal betrayal to those who once considered you to be family. It results in a social ostracisation, as disownment is rare in the world of nations."

"Alfred once threw yellow carnations at Arthur in a fit of rage before, kicking him out from being family after years of disagreement. But the son will not escape his father's fate, as the child whom he first held, rejects him day by day, consumed by the posion of the Foundation," - Matthew Williams

[greattechnomancer]

Batman Tarot Set 1

Two of Wands

Bruce Leaves Gotham

Ballpoint Pen and Prisma Color

[mandibugs]

I am not living the good life right now

[superstarbarbie1977]

Barbie as Marion Crane and Norman Bates from Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho (1960) for Halloween 2023

[c-the-crazy-cat-lady]

Custom Geralt of Rivia and Jaskier the Bard Lego minifigures. Jaskier/Dandelion was bought from @minifigsme and is really well done! Geralt on the other hand was entirely customized by me!

Check out my Instagram for more: https://instagram.com/missclarycreations?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

[wilde-shit-posting]

Someone draw Bosie with big honkers so Oscar doesn't feel left out

[simonsaysmacy]

Batman Miyazaki mashup! 🐨🦇🐦 

Totoro-Alfred, Jiji-Robin, and Batman is the boyfriend of the commissioner :) One of the coolest commissions yet!