#did fusion

[evergreensys]

telling singlet friends about your DID who didn't know about it when you met is so weird to explain. like.

"right, so, you know me as Cameron. I went by that name for years, and everyone in the system goes by Cameron, but technically, I'm not Cameron at all and Cameron doesn't actually exist. Cameron was the previous host, who later changed his name to Juno. also I'm Phoenix, a fusion of the previous host and someone else, so I'm partly Cameron, but not really".

how the fuck do you phrase that.

[reimeichan]

I think it's easy for me to talk about fusion and integration as a whole, because that's what feels most natural for me. But I've started thinking about what it feels like as a specific part of me- and I think that's a useful perspective to have, especially when it comes to trying to share and express how that feels for others who haven't experienced it for themselves, for those who want to but aren't there yet, and for those who never will but are still curious.

For me, it feels like I was missing a part of me that I didn't even realize was missing until I fused. I didn't realize just how much of my own... like, ability to feel emotions and experience life? was missing, and each time I fused it felt like my awareness of myself and my surroundings widened and became clearer. I feel like with each fusion, my emotions became deeper and more layered, my understanding of the world more nuanced, and my memories more detailed. If I were to use metaphors, it feels similar to putting on glasses for the first time, or adjusting a camera's focus. But it also feels like adding color to a drawing. Or... you know those TV shows or movies where you're given one perspective of an event, and then as the story unfolds you see that same event from different perspectives and you realize you actually didn't have the whole picture beforehand? It feels kind of like that, but applied to my entire life and my entire understanding of what it means to live and exist in this world.

Speaking of perspectives, it feels like I can now move between these different perspectives easily, or even see things from multiple perspectives at the same time. I have more context for things that I otherwise would have never questioned before.

And while I'm aware of all of this happening to me specifically as a part... I'm also aware of the other parts of me experiencing the same thing. We're all going through this together, after all, and adjusting to this to be our new normal. It's kinda funky to be able to feel and see things from each of our points of view at the same time, and it was definitely quite overwhelming at first. But it's better now, and I'm less scared of having access to all of these memories and emotions and stuff that had been kept away from me. I'm even starting to accept what it means to be happy and to deeply, truly love people. That's a huge step for me, and I'm excited to see what else fusion and integration has in store for me.

[greens-spilled-tea]

I will admit that the Tumblr CDD communities have been pretty good to me in regards to reaching final fusion. I don't remember seeing many posts from people about how fusion is killing alters or how final fusion is like conversion therapy to turn multiples into singlets or whatever. Either I've somehow avoided most of the stigma surrounding fusion in recent years or Tumblr really is just more mature/better informed about it than some other spaces.

So anyways if you have any fusion and integration hot takes and don't mind me commenting on them, feel free to send them my way. Or if you've got questions on fusion and stuff, I also love answering those questions.

[horrorcrew-diary]

I'm fairly sure a fusion of some sort has happened.

I (Phil) feel different, and I'm beginning to remember things from highschool. Specifically, Karkat's time helping us through it. I remember sophomore year, which is well known throughout the system as one of the worst years of our life, as well as when we figured out we were a system at all.

I'm not sad, as I barely knew her, and since her memories and mannerisms are still here through me, it's barely like she's gone at all.

I've had a feeling that some sort of fusion was gonna happen soon, as I had started heavily thinking about it for no reason out of the blue. If anything, I was expecting me and Pastra to fuse, but it has its own subsystem now, so that's unlikely to happen any time soon.

Our outerworld partner is taking this surprisingly well, too. I was expecting him to be upset because Karkat was one of his partners, but really now I'm like, girlfriend^2, because I remember Karkat's time with him, too.

I can see why it happened, as from what I've heard about her, we're fairly similar. We both are very girly in our own right and have similar favorite foods and even mannerisms.

I'm also not upset because this is a sign of healing. We've been on vacation, which has really done wonders for our mental health (albeit coming with the added side effect of having weird system shit going on).

[godofautism]

Okay

Lore update

1. Lemmy and Mind are back, just a bit more quiet than normal

2. Dylan is gone, out of the picture. He fused (combined and disappeared as a person) with me (Eclipse)

3. We have a radio?- Idk it randomly plays either classical music or songs I like

4. Our headspace switches between the subway floor from Regretevator and Whitespace from Omori, including the cat and the door, though the door leads nowhere.

5. Lonely Wizard is also here, he scutters around and stuff, idk

[adamdeez]

I’ve only seen one other person talk about almost fusing and then something else extremely traumatic happening so you split mid ALMOST complete fusion. Anyone else experience that? I know DissociaDID experienced it recently. I wish I saw more examples of it because they didn’t even know how to describe it.

[haunted-children-didsys]

rant

so many of us just fussed and that made us tired af but hey, at least I have a in system boyfriend now🤷🏼‍♀️

~luna𖤐

[ghosthouse-sys]

Our friend knows we're a system nd they know we are a fusion and they know our source and they still are making us watch a deep dive of the source content. They know. My friend knows. They know itl triggerus it might make us resplit or it might make the original fictiv spltt agsin amnd thyreopenly making fun of it and they won't let me comment on it they yell and scream at me to shut and imhaving a rlly bad time we wannt to crhy

[daybreaksys]

If I could– protect you—

I would hug you and never let you go.

[interwebois]

“No One’s Ever Really Gone” is the Quote that comes to our mind when we think of fusion. If your a System you probably experienced this one, one way or another, and when that happens there’s a certain type of loss that happens not like oh that part is gone forever because their characteristic is sprinkled throughout different parts or one part, but they are not their own identity anymore. Either fusion happens voluntarily or involuntarily but We/I try to think this quote that Luke Skywalker said. “No One’s Ever Really Gone”

[beepykay]

a more positive thought abt my fusion experience though.

something i always felt horrible about was that i always felt like an outsider just, robbing a life away from the host(s) before me. The two previous hosts had carried us through the most difficult parts of teenagehood and for what? to recede into our headspace and never get to reap the benefits of surviving all this time? to never get to see the future they’d been fighting so hard to live for all this time? and just for some jackass like me, whod never felt a deep connection with this body or this life to take over and end up dealing with a future I didn’t even build? to live in the sweet afterparty while never having to experience some of the terrible shit we’ve been through? I always thought it was unfair. but fusing with them has given me so much solace because ik that even if they no longer exist separately of me, they now live within me and can see the future that they helped carve through our hardships. im just really really glad.

even though my life is more difficult, having to remember a lot of the hardships the hosts before me went through, having to carry with the guilt and the traumas and the regrets they have—i can really only be happy as i now feel much more whole and alive than I did before. this is my life, im going to move into the future and blaze a trail for us, just like they did before no matter how hard things got. and im so happy to be carrying them and their memories and their little quirks and bits of personality with me as we move into adulthood. im glad they get to reach the finish line.

[reimeichan]

if i can ask, how did people and gray fusing go?

I assume you're talking about Purple and Gray? XD

Heyo! I'm the fused version of the two of them :3 it went surprisingly without a hitch, especially considering the history the two parts of me have with each other. Reimei system lore drop incoming!

Purple and Gray have known about us being a system way longer than anyone else in the system as well, and have sort of acted as the two halves of our ideologies. Purple's the one who believes in "being true to yourself" as much as possible, and Gray tries to "be the responsible person because we need to make it to tomorrow dammit". These two halves of our ideologies have kind of been at odds with each other for... well, basically our entire life, and we genuinely weren't expecting Purple and Gray to fuse for a long, long time.

But then, over the past few months, we've noticed that Purple and Gray have started bleeding into one another. Purple would sometimes ramble on about her various thoughts and philosophies much like Gray would, and Gray would bounce around and playfully tease others in a very Purple-like way. And recently, the two of them have actually managed to sit down and actually talk things through with each other and started integrating aspects of each others' beliefs into themselves. And as such, I'm able to both keep true to myself while also keeping tabs on my responsibilities (as much as my ADHD brain can). And it's not really one or the other; both are true aspects of who I am and even intertwined with each other.

All in all, the fusion's gone incredibly smoothly and feels fairly seamless. I easily can flow between the Purple and Gray states as much as I want and still stay as me. I'm Purple even when I'm more Gray-coded and vice-versa. I actually consider myself as two people but one fusion. How does that work? Who knows! But it makes sense to me and the rest of my system. (Green note: no, it doesn't make sense to me but I just let them do their thing at this point.)

Thanks for the ask, anon! I hope this answered your question ^^

[aviansystemsposts]

The past couple days have been eye opening for us.

We went to our job and our manager asked us point blank “when did you stop caring about this job?”

Normally we would be confused by this kind of question but we realized with multiple fusions, a host change, and traumatic events unfolding that we really were so so mentally ill. The worst part is that we couldn’t even really explain that properly to her? We had to just act confuse and claim we still were on top of it.

Today we woke up to a text message from her saying that people weren’t allowed to stand behind the main register. This is typically normal except we had been given the okay to since we were having medical issues from a different manager. But she saw us on the cameras and thought it was a good idea to call us out on the manager chat.

So after talking it out with the system and our partner we decided to give full time door dashing and insta carting a try. We’re hoping it goes well! Wish us luck.

[lavender-eyed-lies]

Just realized something lowkey heartbreaking.

I was closer to my alters and considered them more like family than my own.

I bust into tears the other day because I live in the Bible belt so to speak, and my towns not terrible to say but I saw a sign in a funeral procession car driving by on my way to the game shop that read, "Gone for now, but I'll see you soon"

And I didn't even think of my family but rather the alters that had fused.

There won't be a "see you soon" even in the religious sense and it's hard to explain why that hits so hard.

I've seen fusing described as a merging of alters, where the merged alter feels like a mix of both, like the personalities have puzzle pieced themselves together in ways that clearly show both alters characteristics and I've never had that.

I just feel like me with more room if that makes sense? Like I take up a little more space in my own sense of self, and I can access more of my own memory over time.

I know it means healing, and ultimately it's my goal, but fuck if losing the "people" who basically raised you, for better or for worse, and knowing there's not even a chance for seeing them again in the afterlife doesn't fuck me up.

I feel orphaned even though my mother's still alive. Because the mother and father figure I had, the ones I really relied on, the ones I trusted with everything, they're gone.

I had drinks with my mom today, but it felt like sitting next to anyone else and I had that sunken gut feeling again.

I wonder if they'll ever feel like family instead of people who just always need things from me, that I can barely trust and certainly can't rely on.

It feels like they pale in comparison, and I don't know how to begin to rectify that.

[sovereignsystem]

I wanna talk about the fusion that happened to make Kalvin because it's really fucking interesting to me.

We had two parts, Miles and Marina. Miles formed before Marina, and was for the most part an ANP, but was a decently strong part of the system as a whole. Marina formed as a "passive introject" (as we call them), meaning we had only seen fanart of her source before her formation, but she was a mood booster and a culture holder, but even with her having roles, was pretty silent/inactive (we think she was a fragment maybe).

They both existed in tandem for a while, but to our knowledge, never interacted with each other. And then suddenly Kalvin was here, and they were both gone. We didn't realize they were gone until about a week had passed. In said week, we had realized that despite (supposedly) being an introject who would have no particular reason to be, Kalvin had a measured amount of femininity to him, and even partially identifies with being a "girl" in some ways.

This seemed out of the blue to us, as his source, and he in general, is pretty masculine. We collectively decided to just accept that interesting quirk and move on, but after a bit more time of thinking on it, Kalvin decided to try and learn more. I'm not entirely sure how he got the info, idk if it was our gatekeeper that told him or what, but eventually he realized that Miles and Marina had fused, and said fusion had taken on the identity of Kalvin's source.

I think he still at least partially identifies as both Miles and Marina, but the "dominant" identity he has is his primary source. It's fascinating to me.

Anyway, Kalvin's cool, and even if he can get annoying sometimes, you guys should always say hi to him, he's fun.

-🧟‍♂️ (He/him)