#didn’t matter tho bc they ended up just being okay

[danothan]

decided to watch tutorials for cleaning fresh produce after washing my brussel sprouts for an hour straight and thinking “wait… something’s not right about this.”

you’re telling me you can just let them soak in a bowl and come back to it later?? occam’s razor, you tricky son of a bitch.

[nwjn-z]

Hello~ could I request Stan knocking on reader’s window in the middle of the night sad bc Randy’s being… Randy? So they go out to Stark’s Pond and sit on the bench while he rants and they drink n stargaze n stuff?

Late night confessions — feat. Stan Marsh x reader

warning(s): yelling, drinking, swearing

author’s note: OMG ANON IM SO SORRY I DIDNT UPLOAD THIS SOONER IVE BEEN REALLY BUSY, here you go tho i know it’s late asf but i hope you like it😞

It was 2:34 am, and the quite mountain town of South Park was in a peaceful slumber, but the Marsh household was anything but quite and peaceful.

“ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS DRINK AND MOPE IN YOUR ROOM ALL DAY INSTEAD OF HELPING YOUR FAMILY!” Randy seethes to his son.

“HELPING YOU WITH YOUR STUPID FUCKING WEED FARM ISNT HELPING THE FAMILY YOU DICK!” Stan spits back.

“You know what Stan? I am so sick and tired of your shit. You don’t do jack shit all day, you never want to help out with the family business, and when you do decide to help you always fuck up. You are going to get no where in life with this kind of attitude Stanley.”

All it took to push Stan over the edge was bringing up his future. Ever since starting high school, Stan biggest anxiety was what he was going to do with his life. The fear of ending up a “waste of space” kept him up at night.

“Seriously fuck you dad.” Stan sniffles as he storms out the house, wanting to be anywhere but “home”.

Stan gets in his car and makes his way to town with only his phone and wallet. He needed comfort right now. He needed to go somewhere that was familiar, somewhere that he felt safe at.

Stark’s Pond was special to Stan. Growing up it was his favourite place to be, where he hung out with his friends, where he had his first kiss, and where he had his few good memories with his dad.

But he didn’t want to be alone right now, he wanted to be with someone he could talk to, who would understand him, who could make him forget all about his problems, who could make him feel good no matter what, he needed you.

You were up late for no particular reason. It was summer so you were off your normal schedule. You mindlessly scrolled through your phone while the rest of your family was fast asleep.

When Stan made his way to your house he began to climb up on to your balcony. When he managed to do so he couldn’t help but stare at you through the space in between your curtains.

He saw you laying on your stomach swinging your legs back and fourth and holding a pillow to rest your head on while you where preoccupied with your phone.

You where so beautiful to him. You always had been since the day you two met. He loved your hair, your eyes, the way you talked, how you were always to quite yet kind, the way you made him feel so weak. He loved it all, he couldn’t get enough of you. He wanted nothing more than to make you his.

He continued to stare, looking longingly at you with hearts in his eyes until you noticed him staring and freaked out. He saw you jump and threw your pillow at your window before you realised it was him. You cursed him under your breath while you opened the curtain to open the window for him.

“You scared the shit out of me.” You told him,

“I’m sorry I just got distracted.” he replied.

“What are you doing here, it’s almost 3 o’clock!” You said,

“I know im sorry, I just really need someone to talk to I just had a huge fight with my dad and I don’t know where else to go.” He says as his mind rushes thinking back to the fight as he tries to hold back tears.

“Hey hey it’s okay I’m sorry, we talk if you want I’m here for you.” You say sincerely.

Hearing your sweet voice speak to him so gently after being yelled at and berated makes him break his composure and hot tears stream down his face.

You immediately pull him into you and caress the back of his head as he buries his face into your neck, holding on to your waist for dear life.

After some time he reluctantly pulls away and wipes his face.

“I came over to ask if you want to go to Stark’s Pond with me.” He mutters as he tries to compose himself.

“Let me get my jacket.” Is all you say in response wasting no time getting your jacket.

“We’re gonna have to leave through my window, I don’t want to wake my parents.” You say zipping up your jacket

“Okay” he says meekly.

You both make your way out your window with Stan helping you get down. You get into Stan’s car and he begins to drive.

As you make your way to Stark’s Pond, you can’t help but stare at him while he drives. He has one hand on the bottom of the stirring wheel and the other hand on the gear shift. His hands are rough from years of sports and roughhousing outside, yet whenever you felt them they were so soft.

Your daydreaming was cut short when he came to a stop and you realised you weren’t at Stark’s Pond.

“I’m gonna grab drinks real quick, you want anything?” he asked

“I’ll just have whatever you are having, even though you shouldn’t be drinking.” you say in disapproval of his habit

“Yeah I know but I kinda need it right now.” he responds somewhat bashfully.

“I guess” you say.

As you sit in the car waiting for him you start to wonder why he came to you. I mean you guys are close friends but you thought that him and Kyle were closer, that he would go to his childhood best friend for things like this. Right?

You aren’t left with your thoughts for long as Stan quickly makes his way out the store and back into the car.

He gets back into the car and after a couple of seconds he starts to drive again.

The convenient store wasn’t far from Stark’s Pond so you arrived fairly quickly.

“We’re here” Stan announces

You simply reply with a hum in acknowledgment and make your way out the car with him.

You sit down and he hands you a drink before cracking open his. You two sit in silence drinking until your thoughts from sitting in the convenient store parking lot make their way back into your head.

“Hey, why did you want to hang out with me of all people?” you say still leaning your head back staring at stars

“What?” He asks, almost dumbfounded

“I mean like why not Kyle or Wendy even, they’ve known you longer and probably better than I do so I just thought you would go to one of them for something like this.” you tell him honestly

“Do you not want me to come to you?” He asks, worry written all his face and voice.

“WHAT!? NO! I mean i just thought that like, you would think I wouldn’t be any help you know?”

“Nah dude that’s bullshit, besides why would I go to my ex about my problems.” he chuckles lightheartedly

“I don’t know I thought she would get you I guess.” you say as he shakes his head “no”.

“Oh well what about Kyle then, surely he’d be your first responder or something.”

“Kyle doesn’t know shit about me at this point, anytime I try and talk to him about the things I go through he just doesn’t get it.” he responds truthfully

“We’re still best friends and all but, he just doesn’t understand why I can’t just “get over it” you know? It gets really fucking frustrating.”

You take a minute to process what he said but before you can say anything he begins to speak again,

“You aren’t like that though. You’re always so nice and never make me feel stupid or crazy for feeling the way that I do.”

His words flustered you. Only you made him feel comfortable and safe? You felt your heart clench at the thought. Without thinking you put your hand over his and finally look over at him,

“I’m glad I can be that person for you.” You say sincerely with a smile on your face

And just like that Stan just couldn’t take it anymore. You were truly the most amazing person he has ever known. You’re sweet, kind, and genuine soul made his heart swell and his face smile. He couldn’t hold back the words that left his mouth in that moment,

“I’m so in love with you.” He says with hearts basically in his eyes.

“What!?” You respond eyes wide and face flushed

“WHAT?!” he yelps, “OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY I DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT I MEAN I DID BUT NOT IF YOU DONT WANT ME TO AAAHH IM SORRY JUST FORGET I EVER SAID ANYTHI-“

“I like you too, well love.” you say honestly having waited for this moment for what felt like an eternity,

“Wait what?Really!?” Stan says, dumbfounded but simultaneously feeling his heart burst with joy

“Yeah dude” you respond with a lighthearted laugh, but before you could say anything else you felt the slight wetness of his lips on yours, relishing in the feeling you close your eyes and lean in, completely melting in his touch.

“You love me?” he asks smiling, wanting nothing more than to hear you say those three words over and over until he can’t hear anymore,

“I love you.” you say, more than happy to repeat that phrase till your voice gives out.

[foolishlovers]

hi jane! how are you? 💕 i looove your fic recs and i always wanted to ask for some, too... but i never knew what kind of fics i would ask for bc i'm uncreative af lol ANYWAY i've been feeling pretty low these past few days now and i could use some fluffy sweet ineffable idiots/friends to lovers fics to cheer me up..? doesn't really matter if short or long, au, fix-it, explicit or not... i'm not picky (tho i prefer longer fics) 👉🏻👈🏻 do you have some recs? or even personal faves? i'd love to see them, pretty please? (i'm also reading/have read your wip's and finished fics and i love ALL OF THEM V MUCH just so you know that!! anyway, i hope you're doing good! have a great start to the week mwah 💕✨️)

addi hi you’re are so very sweet!! i’m sending you all my hugs and i hope you’ll feel better soon 💜

here are some of my favourite idiots/friends to lovers good omens fics:

Something We Were Withholding Made Us Weak by triedunture (M, 17k) "Yes, exactly. Retire." Aziraphale reaches for the last remaining tartlet brimming with summer berries. "Somewhere along the south coast, perhaps." Or: Crowley and Aziraphale learn to move in tandem.

You are HoMe (Half of Me) by angelsnuffbox (T, 28k) Aziraphale had gotten dumped, plain and simple. But that small detail wasn’t nearly as important as all the things that happened after he’d gotten dumped - such as coming to a few realisations about his best friend of sixteen years.

Hope Is The Thing With Feathers by Gefionne (M, 28k) Because they can’t see each other more than once every few decades, Aziraphale suggests that he and Crowley write to each other to pass the time apart. As quills for their letters, they exchange wing feathers: a gesture of great intimacy that Crowley is convinced only he perceives the depth of. But time will tell that it’s not just him who sees it that way.

32 Questions That Lead To Love by ffonippop (E, 32k)

”First formulated in 1997, [32] questions to fall in love is a study by psychologist Dr. Arthur Aron which took place at Stony Brook University, New York. The aim? Speeding up the creation of intimacy between two strangers.” The Cosmopolitan

Okay, fine.

Crowley was 32-Questions-That-Lead-To-Love-ing Aziraphale. Sue him.

He had no expectations, all right? Just, an innocent curiosity.

Between Comfort And Chaos by anathxmadevice (T, 45k) “And how long have you two been a couple?” “Oh, I—” Aziraphale panics. “Ha, well, that’s a funny… We’re not actually—” “We’re just friends.” Crowley says, their voice clear and calm and lightly amused, either because of or in spite of Aziraphale’s flailing attempts to divert the conversation. “Ah, yes, quite.” Aziraphale says, then takes a sip of his drink just for something to do, instead of focussing on the way Crowley said just friends, and how it causes a painful throb in his chest that he has never fully got used to. His memory can only scrabble at the edge of a time where being just friends with Crowley didn’t feel like a particular form of torture. Or, Aziraphale has been desperately in love with his best friend and housemate Crowley since they were students, but is too scared to do anything about it.

Won't You be My Neighbor? by Spiro, ProblematicPitch (T, 52k) When Mr. A. Z. Fell moves to the quiet English village of Tadfield, he expects nosy neighbors and inquiries into his eccentric, solitary life. What he doesn't anticipate is Anthony J. Crowley, the surly nuisance / next-door-neighbor, who might very well need a friend as much as he does.

Good Endings by WyvernQuill (T, 56k) A Narrative of Certain Events following the Ending of the World (Except Not Quite), as vaguely hinted at in The Slapdash and Not Very Helpful Prophetic Tidbit of Agnes Nutter, Witch (And Matchmaker.)   "Their lives are in horrible, terrible danger that only we can save them from!" Anathema held up the Prophetic Tidbit. "It says so. Right here." Madame Tracy peered at the page. Raised a meaningful eyebrow. "Dearie, as a woman of, well, considerable experience, I really don't think that's what 'the lyttle Deathe' means in this context…" "Huh." Anathema squinted. Flipped the page. Read another bit. "….huh."   (Or, alternatively: Eight - give or take - matchmakers trying really, really hard, honest; two clueless ethereal/occult beings mutually pining their endless days away; and one witch, who can't leave well enough alone when it comes to matters of the heart, no matter how many centuries ago she died.)

Barriers, and the Breaking Thereof by Cardinal_Daughter (M, 71k) Ezra Fell has long been comfortable in his loneliness. He’s content to simply run the Soho Public Library and otherwise keep to himself. However, when a handsome stranger bursts in one evening with a baby, frantic and in need of help, Ezra finds those carefully constructed barriers he’s long maintained begin to crack. Perhaps it’s time to let them fall. Human AU. Complete.

Put Out The Fire by Aleakim (T, 133k) Aziraphale finds himself in a very awkward position as some sort of spell makes everyone merely glancing in his direction instantly fall deeply and desperately in love with him. Absolutely everyone. Well, apart from Crowley, that is. And while both angel and demon search for a solution to this fairly unique problem, Crowley can’t help wondering whether Aziraphale might finally figure out some things he kept hidden for so very long. [you can request more fic recs here]

[scekrex]

Hi! I’ve been feeling pretty bad about being Queer a lot recently, (No idea why, probs just seasonal depression) not necessarily in a internalized Homophobia typa way (tho I guess I do have some of that and I have to thank being raised in the south for that ig) but more in a “Oh yeah… a large part of the world wants me to be dead” typa way. Especially this year as there’s going to be/have been a lot of milestones that have reminded me that my life is going to change a lot soon.

I honestly just want Adam to tell me everything’s gonna be fine, in his own Adam way, which definitely involves cursing, probably a lot of cursing, can’t be an Adam fic without it. Maybe some smooches, tho that could 100% just be my simping coming in LMAO.

Your fics honestly make my day whenever I read them and they’ve become my go-to source of serotonin for the day when I’m low. I also made this request mostly to say thank you for putting in so much effort towards your request. I love your work a lot and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day! 💜💜💜

I'm so sorry you feel that way and I really really hope this fic helps ya through it - even if it's just a little. I tried to let Adam act as much in character as possible while also making it fluff <3

And I know the weight of the world can't crush my chest

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language, implied depressed!reader

note: not beta read bc fuck you

Adam banged the door to your shared bedroom open which caused you to flinch and hold the blanket you had pulled over your head even tighter. “Rise and fucking shine, bitchboy,” his voice was loud, he wasn’t yelling, he was just speaking loudly to make sure you would hear him no matter if you were asleep or awake. “Leave,” you quietly responded, your voice was shaking and you sounded like you had been crying for a long time - which you hadn’t. But you were not doing well mentally and the least thing you needed in that moment was Adam telling you to simply suck it up and push through. You had been sucking shit up and you had been pushing through for so long and it only caused you to end up worse.

You felt how the mattress lowered as he sat down next to you. His hand came down to rest where he suspected your head to be, gently pulling the blanket away. The strength to fight against that, to yell at him to simply fuck off and leave you be was not within you anymore so you simply let it happen with a sigh. Why couldn’t he just listen to your words, why was he always doing the opposite of what you said? Was he trying to push your buttons? Well, that time it didn’t seem like it, because when you looked up at him concern reflected in his usually confident eyes. A thing that made you wonder if it was about to turn out differently from what you had thought. “Okay what the fuck crawled up your fucking ass and how the hell do I pull it out without fucking destroying you?” he asked dead serious and despite his weird way of wording it, he actually seemed worried - not only that, he had also offered you help. You had the chance to tell him how to help you.

There was just one tiny problem with that: you had no idea how he could help you - you didn’t even know how you were supposed to help yourself because you weren’t aware what the problem was to begin with. You knew that you felt down, that your body felt like there was no energy left inside of it to keep you going. You felt like sleeping all day and all night for the rest of forever, but that simply would not do. So you remained silent - why speak when you had nothing to say and the energy of your body was almost non existent? Adam sighed at the response he didn’t get and gently ran his hand through your hair - where all those gentle touches came from you didn’t know but you did know that you needed them more than anything. And that was why you leaned into his touch without hesitation. Your eyes fell shut and your body focused on Adam’s touch.

“There ain’t shit I can do, huh?” His voice was quieter now and you appreciate him lowering his voice a little very dearly. That was when the brunette pushed the blanket away entirely and just as you were about to complain about it he replaced it with his wings, pulled you close against his chest and kissed your head. “You fucking know that I have no freaking idea how to properly comfort your sad ass,” and while the way he phrased it would’ve caused others to think that he didn’t care at all, you knew better. It was simply how he talked, even during serious situations. It was his coping mechanism that you had learned throughout the years with him.

You wrapped your arms around the taller angel as you pressed your face against his chest, giving in to the urge to hide away from God’s eyes - from Heaven’s eyes. “Just stay,” you mumbled into the fabric of his shirt as you inhaled his scent deeply. He gave you comfort. The world could turn against you and yet Adam would stay, that was something you knew and that knowledge gave you the comfort you needed. And so did his body warmth, his scent, his presence, the touch of his feathered wings against your bare skin.

Adam sighed again, then he spoke up again, “Whatever the fuck you’re going through, you’re not alone, got that? I won’t fucking leave you to yourself to rot.” You smiled against his chest, placing a soft kiss onto the fabric that covered up his skin as a little thank you. A thank you you were unable to voice, afraid you’d fully fall apart. You didn’t want to cry, not when Adam was doing his best to make you feel better and though you knew you were allowed to cry, you swallowed the tears and simply embraced the comfort Adam was providing.

And for a single moment the world seemed to stop for the both of you and the weight on your shoulders felt less heavy.

[daistea]

Okay so this is the idea. I'm sorry this is so long.

A half-monster/beastkin reader joins the Touden party with the intent to make friends. The reader covers their monstrous features so they look human. Being with them for a day or two, they click with Laios the most. So they focus on trying to be his friend.

Reader does want to show their monster/beastly side, but immediately throws out that idea when they learn the party mostly eats monsters. Their fear becomes worse after what happens with the Kelpie and Laios's words "All monsters are dangerious." Add on them seeing Kensuke flee during the fight with the Red Dragon, and Laios's face when it happened. So the reader is certain that Laios would not be happy with the truth.

Sometime after they lose Falin (before or after they see her again as the chimaera, not sure yet), the reader slips up and Laios sees the truth. He's even more surprised when the first thing the reader says is "please don't eat me, please don't hurt me" while they're on the brink of tears.

I'd like this to have a happy ending cause I love hurt/comfort. The issue is I'm so stuck on how Laios would respond to the reader begging for their life and seeing how scared they are. They're basically friends, maybe Laios has a crush, but still on good terms. I doubt that Laios would get mad, but I feel like he'd be hurt that the reader fears him? Part of me is like "he'd be interested in them and want to trust them" and the other part of me is "he would feel betrayed and would want them gone" then the third part of my brain goes "it's just his reaction to Izutsumi again." The biggest thing I'm stuck on is the first words out of his mouth.

sorry again this is so long, thank you for reading

No prob!

Firstly, I think Laios would take the situation more seriously than he did with Izutsumi(tho his eyes may flicker down to a monster part and he’s totally interested and has questions but he’s holding them back, he’ll ask them later)

Laios is actually pretty reasonable! With the kelpie, he told Senshi it was a bad idea. Laios loves monsters, but he isn’t naive about them. He knows what they’re like/what they’re capable of. Still, he let Senshi do his thing because he loves his friends(and was kinda interested in seeing what would happen). I think there’d definitely be a little war in his mind upon seeing the reader. That’s his friend! But he silently wonders what they’re capable of, how much of their mind is monster-wired… Depending on the monster they’re blended with, he might even be on edge. But that’s still his friend. Just like when he sees Faligon, that’s his sister so he’s shocked. But he’s also amazed and interested. And once it’s clear that she’s not fully herself, that she’s a danger, he knows hurting her is unavoidable, no matter how much it hurts himself to do so.

ANYWAY it would be a mix of emotions. I think he’d be a little pouty that reader didn’t tell him earlier bc he would’ve liked to take notes on them… He wouldn’t be angry, tho. Reader didn’t hurt anyone, ofc. Their begging would surprise him. His first question might be why they’re scared, what’s happened to make them react with fear. He might go sober and serious as he asks how much of their mind is monster, etc. If the reader is honest and explains that they know Laios doesn’t trust monsters and literally eats them, I think he’d be surprised and honestly start to explain that ‘well, the monsters aren’t sapient’ (I’m not sure if that would be a word used in that time period or even by Laios, but it’s the only word I can think of that succinctly describes what he’d be trying to say.)

I think he’d get lost on a tangent tbh. He’d get excited, bc he’s already clocked that they’re not dangerous(which he kinda already knew/suspected) then the biology and fun questions would start pouring in. He’s more interested in fulfilling his curiosity. If the reader is serious, though, he’d get serious. If they’re crying, he’d try his best to comfort them, probably by saying something out of pocket like ‘hey don’t be upset… You’re the best of both worlds’ which is nice.. he thinks you’re a good monster And a good human. But also WHAT? How could you not be upset? You’re terrified for your life because of your monster half!

Anywho. I hope this helps!! Let me know if you have any questions or just want to bounce some thoughts around

[parkerpeter24]

reader runs into peter parker at central park and they keep him company bc he seems lonely. peter points out that reader has two milkshakes, one being the reader’s normal order while the other one is peter’s? and the reader says something like “i don’t even know why i bought it, it just felt… i don’t know. you can have it.” LMAO this is heavily inspired from that one scene out of legacies

okay sorry for being so late and i have not seen out of legacies but sksks hope you like it!! i also made it fall/winter theme because why not it’s the best season so!

pairing: mcu!peter parker x reader

warnings: angst. little fluff in the end tho 👍

nwh masterlist 🕸️

it wasn’t unusual for peter to sit in the park with a camera around his neck and his favourite book in his hands but it was a rare occasion after the spell. it had been what, a month? and peter was yet nowhere near getting back to you as he had promised. the trees were almost deprived of all their leaves and the wind was turning cold as peter flipped through the pages, not really noticing the words.

stupid romance novels. they were just hundreds of thousands of words compiled and nothing else. no feelings. the things that happened in these novels, stayed in these novels.

otherwise you’d still be with peter and he would still be with you.

it wasn’t unusual for peter to feel his eyes well up, sitting alone in the park with nothing to think, no one to call his own. not after the spell.

his cheeks were damp with tears when he noticed the crunching of the leaves, when he heard those familiar footsteps approaching. his head immediately snapped up to look in your direction.

you. were there. in the same park. as peter.

clearly coming from a coffee shop, he noticed two cups of coffee in your hands as you came to a stop three footsteps away from him. he hated the distance. now he understood what people meant when they talked about the good old days. if it was back then, he would have closed the distance between the two of you, held you in a tight embrace.

“hey.. you alright?” you asked, pointing to his tears. his face was devoid of expression, though he blinked twice and nodded towards you.

“i’m fine.” his lips pursed in what seemed like a smile which he was too scared to flash. and he was. if peter was being honest, he was afraid that you’d disappear into thin air if he let the joy surface.

“good.” you replied shortly, rocking back and forth between your heels and your toes, before you added, “i’m sorry if i disturbed you. i didn’t mean to but i felt that- well i don’t really know why, i just didn’t want you to be alone. it’s almost the jolly time of the year.” you chuckled softly.

peter remembered how excited you were every year about christmas, only for the desserts though.

he smiled at last, wiping his eyes gently with the hem of his sweater, “no, i’m better now.”

you smiled at him, “what were you reading?” it was unlike you to be so intrusive. you wondered why you were taking such interest in a random guy sitting by himself. for all you knew he could be a serial killer.

but he seemed too cute to be a serial killer.

“oh. it doesn’t matter, it’s stupid.” he replied, turning the book close so that you could read the title, “you taking those somewhere?” he pointed at the two cups in your hands.

you looked down as if to check what he’d meant by that, “these? no, they’re just for me.” you chuckled sheepishly.

“both of them? you must really love caffeine.” he chuckled softly, making your cheeks heat up further, even in the cold.

“i don’t actually know why i got two.” you admitted, “it seemed natural.”

peter looked curiously, “which one is yours?”

you pointed out the one in your left hand, “the mocha.”

“and the other one?”

“americano. um, i don’t really know why, i don’t really like strong-”

“i do.” peter interrupted, “it’s my usual order.”

your heart skipped a beat for some reason, and unbeknownst to you, peter’s did the same.

“you can have it.” you held it out for him and he immediately wrapped his fingers around it, knuckles brushing against yours as he did.

“thanks, (y/n).” he nodded, a shade of red covering his cheeks.

“of course, pete.” you smiled, watching as he took a sip from his coffee. a silence fell between the two of you and hated to break it but it was getting late, “i should probably go now.”

the brunette stood up from the bench, “right. i-i’ll see you around?” he asked nervously but to his relief, you nodded quickly.

“we can get another coffee.” both of you shared a smile.

peter watched you leave the park, packing up his own stuff to make his way back to the new apartment and the fact that you two never exchanged names never really crossed either of your minds.

taglist | masterlist 🕸️

@httphollands @the-girl-in-the-chair @spideyspeaches @prancerrparkerr @usergarfields @theglitterymess @quaksonhehe @lowkey-holland @starlight-starks @piscesparker @incorrectsourwolf @wildxwidow @blankspaceblankday @raajali3 @kelieah @arvinsvintage @parkersdahlia @icarusafety @uwiuwi @tommyfroggie @saturnpeter @ellabellabus07 @comfort-reads @holland-styles

[starsunderwaterr]

ccan you write more captain 3 hcs, like part 2 of the first one? i love your writing style,,

Yes I absolutely can!! So sorry for taking forever to respond to this! I've had a bad semester mentally and have finally found time to write at the end of the semester! Thank you again for all of your support! Enjoy guys!

I will also be using the name Kaori for Cap'n 3!

(Y/N) - your name

(N/N) - nickname

All characters are 18+

Minors DNI

Headcanons for Dating Cap'n 3! (pt. 2)

Ooooo yeah we back baybeeeeee

Back to the grand old schleepovers >:3

You got even closer, and eventually began having sleepovers, and although rare, you cherished each one

You never slept together or did anything too romantic besides hand holding for a longgggg time

It takes 3 a long time to be okay with sleeping in the same bed as you, and even then, she’s pretty stiff

It wasn’t until they began to have flashbacks and nightmares when you were near for them to fully trust you

You were nose deep in a book, Kaori just resting on the bed nearby you heard very heavy breathing coming from your angel

You glanced over at her, “Kaori…?”

They didn’t respond, too busy staring at nothing.

You noticed that she began crying, her breath getting caught in her throat

The best thing was to give them space, and allow them to cry and cling onto you

They kept whimpering and mumbling out phrases you didn’t understand, but it wasn’t until Cap’n made eye contact with you that it got serious

Instantly, her eyes widened upon seeing yours, and she threw herself onto you, clinging onto you like you were going to die

You saw it; the fear, the child trapped inside of her, and you were the only person that mattered in that moment

You reciprocated, letting them cling onto you like you were the only thing they could hold

Honestly in situations such as these, it’s best to let them come to you

It broke your heart in more ways than one to hear those sobs come out, but you knew that the best you could do for them was to help them

You helped them to focus on their breathing, and validated their experiences

After, Kaori was so exhausted that all she could do was slump against you and occasionally whimper

You held onto them, rubbing the side of their arm with the utmost care

They expressed it the best they could through sign that you truly meant so much to them through opening up to you more <3

They prefer to sign to you most of the time, especially when they're really upset, but on the rare occasion, they'll speak and even hold a blunt conversation with you

TIME FOR CUDDLING 👹👹👹

Feels great comfort when you cuddle her from behind or let her curl up on your chest (even if they act like they hate it)

From never feeling that before, and being lucky to have someone as healthy as you to give that love? It means the world to them

The first time they wanted to cuddle with you was the most adorable thing ever—

You both were laying in bed on your respective sides, just trying to sleep

When all of the sudden,,,, you felt two warm arms wrap securely around your torso and a head lean and nuzzle against your back

You could feel their slow breathing, and their face smile softly when you put your hands on top of theirs

She loves the feeling she gets in her stomach, even tho they’ll never admit it <3

They like what you both call “whisper kisses”, which are just feather-light quick kisses, especially at night before bed or when they're super soft!!

Quite literally dreams and sleeps peacefully when they’re with you (they got that lil smile when they sleep)

Sometimes you watch them sleep and will rub their head as they do and you’ll literally see the smile come onto their face it’s so cute-

Honestly loves napping with you or against you bc they’re so tired from being burnt out

You know how they say that some people get really sleepy around their loved ones bc their inner child feels safe with you???

Yeah, yeah that’s Cap with you

Plssssss hold them in their swim form

They love to take naps or chill against your shoulder in their squid form when you’ll let them

Sometimes if you’re laying on the couch, you’ll just see a flash of green before a lump is thrown onto your stomach

The excited and crazed look they get in their eyes as they stare back at you is adorable—

If you’re wearing a hoodie, they’re on top of your head sleeping or in the crook of your neck peering out at everyone

Needless to say, they’re a menace 😍

The longer you date them and the more they trust you, the more her humor comes out

Cap can be very funny when she wants to be

You were in the kitchen, just putting something away, when somehow, you managed to trip on nothing

So there you lay, face planted on the floor

Cap looks at you from above and signs “How does the floor taste?” Before smirking and letting out a gentle hum

You signed back, "Delicious."

They also think it's super fun to scare you, especially when they're in their squid form

You can be chilling, doing literally whatever, and they'll be hiding in their swim form behind walls, under the couch, in the kitchen cabinet (yeah, that one scared THE FUCK out of you)

They always get a good laugh out of it, and I mean that literally in the sense that they will genuinely and audibly laugh :'>

They like to leave little gifts for you around the house sometimes, like little trinkets they find on missions that make them think of you

One day you came home to find Kaori sleeping on the couch with a small keychain of your favorite character in their hand

They left a little note, still attached to the same hand

You swiped it out of their hand, reading it

In crude, messy handwriting, it read, "Got this out of the gatcha machine for you <3"

Yeah, the heart looked like shit and you could barely read it, but you couldn't help but lean down or up and kiss their forehead

OH MY COD IF YOU DON'T HELP THIS BITCH WITH THEIR HYGIENE

They seldom clean themselves and when you notice a smell, best believe you're gonna slam them into the shower (or however the hell cephs bathe)

They hate it, and they will fuss a little bit, but they secretly love it

You'll catch them smiling gently or smelling their skin or hair after showers/wash up periods

You smirked, watching Kaori smell her hair, "Smells good, huh?"

Kaori looked over, glaring. They signed, "Hush."

basically, they're super fucking cute <3

[simonghostrileys]

hi! thank you so much, i really appreciate your words 😌❤ and yeah the set did take me some time to make like around two days asdfghjkl but i love how it turned out especially the green gif, and sorry for deleting the ask! i answered it but got anxiety of it not being the answer you expected so i decided to make a tutorial instead on how i did that set (blending and color manipulation), but first i’ll leave some links to some great blending and coloring tutorials down below :)

- blending tutorials

becca’s, soph’s (which taught me how to blend) and alie’s

- coloring tutorials

becca’s, hella’s and sam’s

(personally i use becca’s tutorials bc we work in a similar way and they’re super amazing and were a huge inspiration and help me out on how to make this tutorial)

okay so lil blending and color manipulation tutorial under the cut

i’ll be using the first gif of the set you mentioned because it’s the one that needed the most color adjustments to get the red, other gifs didn’t need that much work and were fairly easy to get the color i wanted, so i’ll be going from this

to this

so starting, i work on each gif separately (crop, resize and color). the base gif will be the one where young aemond is looking to the front, tho honestly it doesn’t matter which gif you use as your base. once we’re satisfied with both of their colorings we go to the second gif which is the one of young aemond looking to the side, select both gif and coloring and click on the little folder on the bottom right corner highlighted with the red circle or just press ctrl+g on pc (cmd+g on mac i think)

we name it as ‘gif 2′ to know which gif is it and to not get confused. then we add a vector mask by clicking the little figure highlighted again with a red circle. do these steps for all the gifs you’re planning to blend, as it will group them all separately without their individual colorings overlapping each other

then we duplicate it and send it to the base gif and set the second gif to ‘screen’, though sometimes setting it to ‘lighten’ works too, it all depends on the gif so play with both to see which one looks better (trama = screen)

now is time to blend! for this i use a big brush like 200px, set to 0% hardness and 50% opacity, the bigger the brush and the lower the hardness, the softer the blending it’ll be, while using a smaller brush with an increased hardness, the blending will be sharper. we’re going to click on the base gif’s vector mask and with the brush set to black we’ll start to erase the left side of it, if we mess up then we set the brush to white by pressing ‘x’ and paint on it to correct anything. it should look like this

then we do the same with the second gif by erasing the right side and a little over aemond’s eye. personally i like to leave traces of both gifs so the blending looks smooth and nice. the end result should look like this

now is time to change aemond’s clothes to red! there are several ways to do this which is by using selective colors, hue/saturation, a gradient map or a new layer and paint over the gif, you can use one of these methods or several or all of them depending on your gif and the result you want to achieve. so we create a new folder atop our gifs and name it ‘red’ and create a selective colors layer, though the color isn’t that bright or strong i can see some green and maybe some cyan/blue tones on lil aemond’s clothes, so we adjust those colors to make the green pop up and set the selective colors layer to ‘color’, it should look like this

don’t worry too much if aemond’s face gets green and then red, we’ll fixed this later. now we create a hue/saturation layer, on the drop down menu we change the color to ‘green’ and drag the hue bar until the green changes to red or as close as possible to it, we do this for cyan and blues too (verde = green, cianes = cyan, azules = blue, sorry for ps being on spanish tho)

and voila! the green and cyan/blues had turned red

because the red looks dull and sad and needs to be brigthen up, we’re going to create a new selective colors layer and adjust the reds and yellows, like so:

you’ll notice that lil aemond’s face and hair has turned red, to get rid of that we’re going to pick up our brush, set it to black and start erasing those parts on the vector mask on our latest selective color layer. once you’re done duplicate twice that layer and drag one of its vector masks to our first selective color layer and the second one to our hue/saturation layer and delete the duplicates without vector masks, that way you don’t have to erase on each one of the vector masks again, just tweak each one to your liking, repeat this step for future layers

because i can see some yellow on left aemond’s hair and i want for it to be red so it blends with the rest of the color we then create a new hue/saturation layer, change the color to ‘yellow’ and set the hue to -65 and the lightness to +30. then we add a new selective colors layer and only work on the reds, we set everything to +100 though the cyan to -50. and lastly we add a new hue/saturation layer, change the color to ‘red’ and increase the saturation to +25. this will be the result. i’ve already done the step mentioned above about duplicating the vector masks

because there’s still some red on his hair and face and i’m lazy i select the folder named ‘red’, add a vector mask to it and just erased on it because i didn’t want to go and erase on each vector mask, too much work lol

i could very much leave the gif as it is but i felt it needed like a pop of color around it because the background is kinda dull and not that vibrant, so we create a new folder and name it ‘red layering’ (i need to name things or else i get confused), create a new layer, choose a vibrant yet deep shade of red (i’m using #b80505), pick up our brush (200px, 0% hardness, 50% opacity) and paint the background and a little over aemond’s clothes, set the layer to ‘tone’ and add a vector mask, like so:

i like how setting the layer to ‘tone’ gives his hair a soft red outline on places that didn’t change to red, like around the top of his hair. so next we duplicate the layer, set it to ‘soft light’ and the opacity to 40%, and with our brush set to black erase any parts we don’t want, like a little on his hair, his face and over his clothes, and apply the step i mentioned about duplicated vector masks and tweak to your liking

for this type of gifs i like to set the speed to 0.06, and voila! the gif is done! you can add in some typography if you want to c:

worth mentioning that other gifs won’t need that many adjustment layers, like the purple and green ones for example they only needed two selective colors layers and a little bit of painting on a new layer to achieve those colors. hope this tutorial was of any help :3c

[eldest-sibling-tournament]

Literally... none of that is true lmao. Dick had beef with Bruce and mostly tried to keep Jason out of it, and let Jason know he was there for him if he needed it. They went skiing together. Dick had a complete breakdown after Jason's death.

Where do I even start on the next bit. ALFRED originally gave the Robin mantle to Damian. "Worst year of Tim's life" It was the worst year of DICK'S life. His father of like 15 years died, his city got blown up, his best friend died, etc etc. And he STILL pulled it together and took on the burden of becoming Batman, sacrificed his independence, moved to Gotham to raise Bruce's deeply traumatized son.

Also he NEVER tried to put Tim in Arkham. And god forbid he not listen to Tim who had NO EVIDENCE Bruce was alive, instead of taking care of all back-breaking responsibilities on his shoulders while still grieving

Anyway. Please don't use fanon Tim stan nonsense to slander Dick thank you <3

ask 1 ^

ask 2:

i know it doesnt actually matter but that second-to-last ask abt dick grayson is literally just straight up lies. this person has not read any of the comics they are referencing. they are just quoting incorrect fanon as if its facts. dick had a complicated relationship with jason, yes, but wasn't particularly unkind to him, just distant, and is shown to have regretted that and grieved him hard; i'm not even gonna begin to get into the damian bashing but literally at no point did dick ever try to get tim committed to arkham. he suggested tim get therapy, because their adoptive father was dead (as far as they knew) and tim was convinced he wasn't but had no evidence. this is not an unreasonable thing to suggest to your grieving brother who appears stuck in denial! and he didn't "replace tim with damian and not even tell him". damian literally interrupted the conversation where he was trying to tell tim about it (where his rationale was that damian, a child literally raised in a cult of assassins, needed to be given a role to fill in bc he needed structure while being deprogrammed from being a child soldier, and dick wanted to see tim as his equal, not a subordinate.) tim himself completely reconciled with dick by the end of this comic. that anon was just making up a guy to be mad at, not actually talking about dick grayson 💀

ask 3:

Hi I’m the dick grayson shouldn’t win anon, the people thirst voting one etc etc but saw some propaganda that’s based on bald faces lies and I gotta correct it bc it’s my pet peeve. DICK DID NOT THREATEN TIM WITH ARKHAM. HE SUGGESTED A THERAPIST IN METROPOLIS like okay he fucked up there but he made the best decision he could during the red robin run (which is a dumpster fire) and like it’s been a minute since I read battle for the cowl era but didn’t Alfred give Damian the robin suit. And Jason was literally in dick’s family colours which got taken away from dick by Bruce which he had no right to do so I mean he justifiably didn’t like him. And yeah okay dick did put Jason in Arkham but need I remind you that Jason went on a killing spree as Batman and almost killed tim. And let’s be real him and him are brothers. He didn’t ditch him. That relationship was never fixed in comics bc they reset the universe but at the end of red Robin they were okay. And like you have over 10 years of comics but the important thing is that Arkham was NEVER what dick suggested to Tim holy shit but uh also don’t vote for dick in the next round (vote for him against supernatural guy tho) I just don’t appreciate the slander but I’ll be putting out my anti dick grayson propaganda next thanks

Adding to my other ask, Tim literally sounded like he was losing it. Like I wouldn’t believe him either. In the nightwing comics not too long ago he tried to bring his dad, Steph, and Conner back to life with the Lazarus pit. Tim willingly cut himself and started to use self destructive behaviours (LoA) and like his entire internal monologue supports that and bc grim dark era justifiably fucked him up okay I’m done

ok thank you! glad you're clearing this up

[milo-is-rambling]

You ever get drunk and high and read about the trump news while one of your closest friends (one of the two close friends you have) is asleep smiling next to you and you feel like somewhere out there there’s another universe where your father never died and your mother never grew into her own person and you never did x y z thing in x y z order and like idk it’s just very like,,, offputting and healing at the same time to read the news on my own time after seeing one too many posts referencing trump instead of hearing it on Fox News or from my father yelling at the tv about it and like yeah god idk it’s weird grief is weird big feelings watched the last episode of the midnight gospel today (yesterday) and now my brain is like wee ooo wee ooo your dad is dead wee ooo wee ooo it’s June it’s Father’s Day month wee ooo wee ooo your grandfather died yesterday (my fathers dad) weee ooo wee ooo brain on fire weee ooo wee ooo random memories of my first ever therapist have started randomly popping up in my memories and I do not know why they’re there. But they seem relevant. Hmm. also have talked about slash thought about my past relationships much more recently than I ever do and it is technically on par with my cherry tag season vibe to be in my feels about homoerotic friendships from highschool while drunk on brown liquor and root beer (a la root beer float the blackbear song I listened to a LOT in like 2017 maybe. 2018?) but it’s still a bit umm. All encompassing. just overwhelming. On my mind in a very low buzzing type of way. girls when they feel evil for their past actions because they loved too hard every time and then doomed it by wanting what was best for themselves or the other persons mental health at the time and being selfish but like I have to step back and be like oh woah a fourteen or fifteen year old was selfish woooahhh that’s crazyyy!!!! Never heard of That before. A 14/15 year old putting themselves and their own mental health first and then feeling like the worst person on the planet and for sure developing some trauma from the whole situation 🙀🙀🙀 wwahhhhhhh okay maybe that one is a bit more me but im sure im not alone there. Brains are weird. Also kind of Just Now clicking in my brain that I did in fact get weirdly afraid of liking women after I broke up with my first girlfriend and it ended poorly so I fully was like hmm I definitely can’t be a lesbian because I am not Allowed (by myself I guess) to like women bc now I am afraid of fhem (not sexy style) but then recently (ish) I fucked a dude and got traumatized by that (legitimately) (and also just like. Didn’t have fun.) and now I’m like looking back on my life more and going hmmm. Maybe I’m a lesbian and maybe I’ve been afraid to say that for literally years and years and years because of my own past perceptions from hearing my family / the internet talk growing up and maybe I have this realization over and over again and then go wahhh idk tho cause I’m baby I have done nothing been nowhere met no one so I just say whatever I’m queer and it doesn’t fucking matter if I love someone I love them regardless like at the end of the day those are the fuckin facts. Bam mic drop. Idk. It’s only one thirty nine in the morning eek I took an accidental like four hour nap yesterday and then we were drinking and smoking so like I have evergyyyy and I had some sugary stuff so I’m like awake as fuck rn but it’s fine it’s good I’m gonna smoke an indica bowl and pet the dog and fall asleep super comfy like the second I put my head on the pillow I bet

[ketchup-monthly]

Batfam’s Favorite Batman Actors

with the help of the lovely @space-specs who typed most of this while we talked at like 1AM

Bruce-  Kevin Conroy (SO many things, but most well known for DCAU) (he’s THE batman actor and its only fitting that he is bruce’s favorite.)(i made myself cry with the implications of this -specs)

Dick- Michael Keaton (Burtonverse) (Keaton reminds us of what bruce should be like around the time he gets dick, so watching the movies would make dick nostalgic for those days, even if Keaton didn’t have a Robin in those movies)(plus the lack of neck mobility would make dick laugh bc he’s been batman and had to wear the cowl before, even if he could turn his neck)

Babs- Diedrich Bader (Batman: the Brave and the Bold, Harley Quinn the Animated Series) (Its a really goofy interpretation of Batman and unlike some of the younger bats or bats who haven’t been around as long, who believe that Bruce was never that goofy, she has the videos. She knows, and gets no end of amusement from the fact that Bruce and Dick used to be that ridiculous)

Jason- David Masouz (Gotham) (Baby Bruce triggers Jason’s latent inherited adoption instincts and he's mad about it. The show also tackles all the weird shit Bruce gets up to, especially in response to grief, which we think is important for him to see)

Tim- Ben Affleck (DCEU) (Similar to Dick, Affleck is a Bruce that is familiar to Tim. This is a Bruce that still has hope for building a better world, but it’s also a Bruce that has lost so much and is in crisis)(plus hes a dilf -ketchup)(this one also makes me cry a bit if i think about it too long -ketchup)

Cass- Adam West (Batman (1966)) (She definitely has a bunch of reaction gif from this show that she sends all the time. It just sparks joy to imagine Bruce in such a whimsical version of Gotham)(it’s the slapstick -ketchup)

Steph- George Clooney (Batman & Robin) (Similar to Cass, Steph loves being a nuisance to Bruce about this. the goddamn batnipples, y'all 💀)

Duke- Will Arnett (The Lego Batman Movie, The Lego Movie 1&2) (He’s hijacked the speakers in the Batmobile to blast the Lego Batman tunes. Also, thinking about the time Duke confronted Bruce so he would stop hiding from the fact that he was Batman vs. Arnett's Batman having to realize that he isn't better off alone.)

Damian- Ethan Hawke (Batwheels) (He would never admit out loud to enjoying both batwheels and Ethan Hawke's Batman. That man is such a dad even in the cowl and Damian would love that)(we like batwheels, and are not afraid to admit it, unlike one small tiny feral child -specs)

Cullen- Val Kilmer (Batman Forever) (He’s gay. We're gay. Val Kilmer pretty)

Harper- Troy Baker (DC Lego movies) (It's Lego, enough said. He’s just a little guy! She loves watching the Shazam one and Family Matters back to back. (Her and Duke both bond and argue about their different Lego Batman’s in turn))(are we projecting? a little bit. the shazam lego movie is the best one, closely followed by family matters -ketchup)

Kate- Christian Bale (Nolanverse) (She likes Bale as an actor (she enjoys American Psycho), but doesnt like Nolan’s interpretation of Batman. He is, however, painfully straight, and that amuses her to no end. If she and Bruce patrol together, she will follow him around doing the Bale Batman voice)(fun fact! ketchups least favorite batman actor bc they dont like the nolan movies :D)

Alfred- Winston Duke (Batman: Unburied) (the one thing Alfred wants is for Bruce to be happy. thinking about the speech Bruce gives to his parents about the joy he has found in being Batman)(plus BU is a podcast so he can listen to it while gardening or doing other things)(legit tho, this is one of the ones that almost made us cry)

Terry- Robert Pattinson (The Batman (2022)) (It’s the flying squirrel suit for him. Terry also sees a lot of himself in Battinson, and it’s refreshing for Terry to see that Bruce wasn’t infallible as Batman. He didn’t have all the answers, and that was okay. Terry doesn’t need to be perfect to live up to Bruce’s example, because Bruce wasn’t perfect.)(sobs sobs sobs sobs sobs sobs sobs -ketchup)

Matt- Joe Walker (Holy Musical B@ man) (He quotes this musical religiously. He sings the songs on patrol to annoy Terry. He is just like me fr. He has also said the “aaaaaalfreeeeeeed! How could you do this to me? You got my hopes up so high and then you mugged and shot them in an alleyway��� line in front of Bruce exactly once and then never did it again)

Jarro- Roger Craig Smith (Batman: Ninja) (Because Batman: Ninja is a fucked up little movie and Jarro is a fucked up little starfish -ketchup)(The plot to this movie sure is something)

Drake Winston- Jeffrey Wright (Batman: the Audio Adventures) (Good with kids. Honestly, seems like a halfway between B:TAS and Keaton, which feels fitting for Drake)(plus its a podcast that he can listen to while working in the shop or on patrol so yay! bonus!)

Carrie Kelley- Codot (Rogues! the Podcast) (given the everything about DKR universe, this one feels appropriate for her with Bruce being an asshole)

Jim Gordon- Ben McKenzie (Batman: Year One) (Batman: Year One really focuses in on building the relationship between the two. Also ketchup pulled a sneaky on me by selling me on this before I realized it was also the actor for Gotham Jim and this is now hilarious -specs)

Bette Kane- Jensen Ackles (Batman: The Long Halloween) (She watches Supernatural and thinks its funny. She actively makes supernatural references to Bruce. He pretends not to get them. The other bats get the jokes and find it so amusing)

Luke Fox- Rino Romano (The Batman (2004)) (It just feels right. Hes a serious batman but he has kids. Also he has claws and Luke thinks that Bruce should implement those in his own suit with how often he has had to listen to Alfred and Lucius complain about Bruce damaging himself or property while falling off of buildings that he couldn’t get a good enough grip on)

Bonus!

Hal Jordan- Jason O’Mara (DCAMU) (He’s a more serious Batman, he’s such a dad, but also he’s a little shit and Hal loves that about him. (are we pushing our superbatlantern agenda? Yeah a little bit. Fight us -ketchup)

Clark Kent- Bruce Greenwood (Young Justice, Batman: Under the Red Hood, Batman: Death in the Family) (This is a Batman, a Bruce, who has lost his son, and Clark wanted so badly to be there for Bruce at that point, but Bruce pushed him away and Clark was forced to watch from the outside as his best friend was self destructing. It’s a little hard for him to watch at times, but this is a man who would stand up to Clark and tell him what he was doing wrong, and be there to support him if he truly needed it, even if it wasn’t in the most gentle way. Also most notably, it is these two versions of Bruce that get dessert at Bibbo’s Diner with Clark. (i will push my dessert at bibbos agenda until i die -ketchup)

[novelcain]

OKAY! So when I was about 10/13 years old my mom took me to get a check up.. perfectly normal right? What could possibly go wrong.. oh yeah I was also there to get my shots.. I hate getting shots, always have always will.. it’s the syringe needles!! the fact that I know they have to be hollow enough for stuff to go in and out of the inside of those things is just wrong to me.. 😟 Anyway me and my Mom get there and everything SEEMS to be alright.. until the doctor comes back and says I have to get EVERY! SINGLE! SHOT! SINCE BIRTH!! OVER AGAIN!!!

Ya wanna know why??? BECAUSE THEY LOST ALL MY MEDICAL RECORDS!! ALL OF THEM!! 😡

Like okay yeah, shit happens I guess..

But.. my colorful, sugary sour Overlord.. They didn’t lose literally ALL my medical records once.. NOT twice!! NO no no no… BUT THREE FUCKING TIMES!!! In.. a.. row.. 😑 And all in the same Year.. I shit you not. 😤

Sssoooo yeah, I’m a bit traumatized and HATE going to the Doctor.. 😰

SO! 2020!! Covid shows up and I have to get a vaccine shot.. my Mom bless her heart comes with me, and I have to fill out the form… I spent an embarrassingly long time trying to write down my date of birth..

I was shaking so bad and ended up handing the paper & pen over to my Mom… Because I couldn’t remember which way the number 3 faced.. I was having a freaking mini panic attack.. at 21 🥲

I also had a panic attack & nearly fainted when I had to get my molars removed and the nurse showed up with the iv bag.. and I finally realized I was getting the syringe not the gas.. hadn’t panicked the whole time till that poor lady strolled in.. I think I scared her a lil when I started hyperventilating and asking my mom, wh-what what? What??? But it turned out okay!! That incident happened when I was about 18 I think..

🎃~

BRUH i know what you mean with the hating needles thing! I have had nothing but bad experiences with them. Like when I was younger I'd have to get allergy shots every week so I already HATED shots bc of that but then one day this super old bitch gave me my shot and literally stuck me so hard that the needle scraped my fucking bone! My bicep hurt for a whole month I couldn't do anything!

And then this one time I was in middle school and I had to get my blood drawn for testing, and some info about me I have always had very thick skin, and the nurse tried to use a butterfly needle but when she tried putting it in the damn thing broke against my skin! Anyways, everyone panicked for a hot sec and now it's in my file somewhere that they have to use big needles on me now! LIKE THE FUCK!?!?🤬🤬🤬

Ugh! If I sat here and told you all my needle stories we'd be here all day.

But my gods, how they gonna lose your damn records THREE FUCKIN TIMES!!!??? It's called a fuckin computer system you numb skulls! If it's really that hard to input the data yourselves then ffs just scan a pic of the records and save that!

Me: On behalf of my fruity heh subject, Skittle's gonna sue! *sprinkes dark matter on them bitches*

But fr tho same with the covid thing. In order to get my second vaccine I had to be drugged before going, and I STILL had a panic attack the whole time, not cause of my fear of needles tho. I mean it was a little bit because of the needles but mainly because of the agoraphobia. I think that was really the first instance of me being unable to function alone in public. I had to have Ritz and her mom there to talk for me and fill out the paper work cause I couldn't. I was shaking, I couldn't communicate outside of nodding to Ritz, and I couldn't even look at anyone other than Ritz. There were a few times I almost passed out inside of the clinic waiting room. I'm pretty sure now that I think about it that that was the last time I was out in public at all and that was almost 2 years ago. Definitely was NOT a good motivator to make me do it again lol. Sorry this is low key embarrassing for me to talk about and I honestly spent 30 minutes just deleting this and rewriting it over and over again before deciding to keep it

[soichirosgayson]

Just some Light thoughts (pun)

personally I don’t like the idea of Light being controlled by the death note or somehow just forced into committing all the atrocities he did.

i fell in love with death note and Light bc of the fact he was the perfect son/student who managed to become a villain, and like it wasn’t a completely ridiculous leap. we see very little of preKira!Light or Yotsuba!Light even, but we definitely see the fact he is isolated from his peers (superiority complex?), he justifies everything he does and he does seem to have a childish notion of justice

some HCs i personally have about his upbringing is that whilst his parents weren’t abusive, they embodied the typical toxicity stemming from asian cultures (source: i am also the asian firstborn in my family) like his parents disregarding his feelings, soichiro trying to model his son after himself, expect perfect grades, expecting him to have the perfect nuclear family to carry on the family name or some BS. trust me personally, that is a lot of pressure that u do become a control-freak; its really not that unbelievable to see Light become a villain

everything about Light after Kira was always there, but continuing to write in or leaving the death note was his crossroads and he made his choice

L thing is that’s what makes death note amazing to me?? bc we have a lot of characters who don’t do the right/wrong thing “just because”, but because they have their own selfish reason for doing so. like even L the hero/antagonist isn’t the world’s greatest detective bc he’s altruistic, he does it bc it challenges him

upon my first reading of death note, i struggled initially to comprehend why Kira was wrong. then i thought about it, and the first idea that came to me was that even if you have justification for killing, then you always would’ve been okay with killing (unless ofc in specific situations). take Light for example, ppl think Yotsuba!Light is OOC but i just think that Kira!Light was Yotsuba!Light with a complete disregard for what society thought was acceptable; ergo he didn’t repress his ‘undesirable traits’ like his superiority complex or the dark thoughts he’d get. he is uninhibited. for Light, being Kira isn’t about killing; we see from the first few chapters that he actually loses weight and pukes the first time with Shibuimaru, so no, it’s not about the act. but it is still about power. to me, being Kira was about taking control when he had very little in his own life, plus he was bored and bc if anyone could, it would be him. No one else could ‘handle’ it like him

i also prefer the manga ending for Light over the anime ending. Light, especially at that point, would’ve never regretted anything. he has the superiority complex of a god to the point that he refuses to be wrong. i acc HC that Light also doesn’t completely plan everything to a tee (although he is very smart still), but when things go wrong, he adapts and takes advantage of it and still says “everything is going according to plan”. it is acc so beautiful/poignant/powerful/poetic to me that this guy, with a superiority complex so big he kills off a hundred thousand+ people, ends up in MU; a place where everyone is equal no matter what

for me, personally (u can disagree tho), Light becomes rlly boring if his actions are justified or redeemed. most of the characters in DN actually become rlly boring to me if they’re completely shown to be good/bad

[lesbiannancytruther]

gay ass parrots

okay i miss my birds of paradise au so this is post is gonna be a wicked amalgamation of my thoughts

base summary tho is how the wings play into the world of stranger things, not just on the characters, more headcanons, and in general more wing au details lol

im gonna TRY to label when my train of thought switches so that its easier for y’all to follow lol

okay so! when it comes to how my au applies to the main plot, the upside down does exist!! most of the stuff that changes is character dynamics, as certain personalities have intensified traits and in general wings are super expressive of inner feelings (and conflicts).

how it relates to the upside down: el is the only character who is wingless. there are people who were naturally born wingless, but el is not one of them, with her wings being worn down and eventually destroyed by her time in the lab. this is a massive point of trauma for her. she has no idea what species she was but around s3 time point max tries to get a read on her traits to find out so that she can be accommodated for best

(point of conflict: mike thinking that max delving into that stuff is just el being forced to relive old trauma and think of what she’s lost, kinda resembles their main season 3 conflict).

vecna has (demo)bat wings lol

how wings shift dynamics:

certain characters actually learn to compensate for how revealing their wings are, like robin, will, nancy, and karen, and actively work to hide how their wings would naturally appear

robin and will do it more as a defense mechanism, being shunned for who you are and how you express yourself makes walls go up. as well as the fact that their affections for people they shouldn’t have affections for are in great danger of being discovered if they let themselves be fully expressive. (robin’s guard is let down near the end of season 3, while will’s just gets way worse).

nancy and karen on the other hand are conditioned to repress how they feel and express themselves. karen growing up and being forcibly tamed by the life she ended up in, and then projecting that onto nancy, even if she didn’t mean to. in season one it’s at it’s worst, with the only times nancy really emotes at all with her wings being around barb, and when barb is gone its a mix of erratic expression and constant stress. nancy lets go almost entirely with jonathan, with flickers of old behavior appearing when they fight in season 3. season 4 she’s just a mess lol. karen is in limbo with this problem and nancy is even more complicated. on one hand, nancy officially gives 0 fucks about what people read off of her wings, while on the other nancy actively shoves off what’s bothering her in the face of what she deems “real problems”, which will sometime translate to her wings.

how wings affect ronance:

okay ronance fans its time for dinner bc this is an official Ronance Moment(tm)

nancy and robin meeting under entirely unideal circumstances, made even more unideal for nancy because no matter how hard she tries she can’t ignore robin buckley, who gets under her skin and stays there with her pretty feathers and quick wit, and she’s relieved that robin doesn’t recognize when the annoyed ruffling of her well kept feathers turns into flustered surprise, fluffing up where she doesn’t want them to when robin calls her a genius.

robin buckley who gets the chance to spend the day with the illusive nancy wheeler, who, according to steve, really isn’t a priss like her perfect hair, grades, and wings make her out to be. robin isn’t afraid to be herself, and all nancy’s behavior does is confuse her more, and she jumps to conclusions, and pisses her off more. when she needles nancy about her literal shot in the dark, she learns to never doubt her, and finds that they actually make a good team, with robin’s relatively open mind and nancy’s detective skills. 

its during the unseen makeover scene that nancy fully notices how messed up robin’s wings are, before she starts her makeup, insisting that if they were to be convincing robin needed neat wings (and not saying aloud that it ruffled nancy’s inner bird BAD), and robin surprisingly doesn’t fight her on it, agrees pretty quickly, and other than a few complaints when nancy pulled on a tender spot in the knots of feathers, was entirely compliant.

and yeah nancy def straddled robin trying to get into the inner part of her wings and robin had to do everything in her power to not die bc wtf nancy wheeler was literally in her lap rn

as they do more together they find that they get really good at reading each other’s weird, kinda fucked up wing quirks. robin notices that every time she thinks nancy would be bothered by something, her suspicions are affirmed by the way nancy’s wings suddenly shut off, go back to neutral, like she’s unconsciously silencing her own reaction (this gets her to back off about steve way quicker, and to pick up on nancy’s problems with jonathan faster)

nancy notices that every time she turns to share a look with robin or tries to engage in casual touches, like brushing her wings against robin’s or even holding her hand, her wings tense up, like she’s trying to physically restrain her wings from expressing her emotions, it confuses nancy, at first she’s almost hurt by it, but she quickly realizes it’s not discomfort, robin talks about stuff that makes her uncomfortable all the time without fail, this is robin trying to hide a reaction she doesn’t want nancy to see.

they don’t sort that out till later lol

how wings impact teenager plot:

ok so something plot wise does change! the lake being where the gate is is a Big Fucking Problem, because wings actively make it way harder for you to swim! like way harder! unless ur bird species is a sea bird/ducks/goose/swan/whatever water is basically a no go because feathers get soaked and heavy.

this makes steve’s volunteering way more controversial, since his wings are fucking huge, and nancy’s following way more controversial, because she’s got a LOT of feathers. also makes robin’s following  lot braver, since she’s generally not coordinated and is very likely to drown, but goes anyways. also make’s eddie’s cowardice a little less cowardly lol

it also makes the upside down way scarier, their two most proficient fighters being weighed down with soaked wings in the freezing cold upside down, they’re all effectively grounded and are forced to travel on foot. nancy’s back gets shredded, which affects how well she can move her wings, (and also adds urgency to robin getting that thing the fuck off).

also neat detail: when someone is getting vecna’d their wings go frighteningly slack, like slumped to the floor in an unnatural way that no one would do because it places them in a vulnerable position.

im probably gonna actually write out the makeover scene but im a little scared so who knows

[wisteria-lodge]

lion primary + burnt secondary (bird secondary model) (badger secondary performance)

(note to OP - this is an ask that I substantially restructured in order to answer it properly. Everything's still here, just in a different order than how it was submitted.)

hope i’m not bothering you too much, but I was curious on your input from what i could be. i’ve been pretty torn these days on my sorting, but i think i’ve finally cracked the code somewhat w the help of your acc (ESPECIALLY the sort me asks. don’t even get me started…)

i think i’m a snake (maybe even burnt??) primary and burnt-ish??? lion secondary. i’m not sure what my models are—but i do get a badger feeling.

~ SECONDARY ~

i’m not a good decision maker. i usually ask “well what do you want” when going out w someone for food, or if i’m pressured to suggest smth, i’ll say smth generic i’m feeling for. 

if the people i love, or at least the people closest to me, don’t agree w smth i chose, then i’ll be like?? okay i guess i’ll just choose what you think… like the last time i went out w my best friend, i was getting dippin dots and chose banana split, but then my friend and our other friend (who works there) were baffled and said that was the worst flavor. i was like wait fr? huh… then… what do you guys recommend… they said chocolate. i got chocolate. i don’t rlly regret it bc it ended up tasting good, and i also got their approval in a way, i suppose.

Okay. Coming out of the gate with an "I hope I'm not bothering you" and then going into "I'm not a good decision maker," and THEN describing just being extremely passive... I'm thinking burnt Secondary. It's like you're not trusting yourself to problem-solve at all. It's possible that some of this inertia and tendency to gauge what the people around you are doing is coming from a burnt Primary... but it's just all so specific, small scale and practical that I'm leaning secondary for now.

(and thank you for the really specific, low-stakes examples, they will make things easier.)

i never rlly ask for anyone’s opinion tho. it feels bothersome to them, vulnerable to me, so rarely do i confide in someone’s thoughts. if i do, it’s at first subtle, and if that doesn’t work, fine, i’ll just awkwardly straight up say it. but that’s the last resort. usually i just try to rely on myself.

This rules out being a Burnt primary. Feeling like it's wrong to ask for help, bother people, take up space... that's a Burnt Secondary. I'm not sure what's underneath the burning now. You don't like asking for help (the Badger thing), you don't like asking subtly (the Snake thing) and you don't like just straight-up saying it (the Lion thing.) And that's really what a Burnt secondary means. Problem-solving methods don't bring you joy.

this comes a lot from my mom criticizing me when i try to ask for smth. i can hardly say anything to her without it being some comment. it’s so tiring. in the end, when i do have to, i’ll ask for help—but i try not to. and yet, i feel the right to ask for help sometimes, rlly only when it’s a matter of “you didn’t teach me how to do this, how should ik?! but you think i should somehow!” which is stupid. idk how you can expect someone to just instantly know how to do smth as if coded into them as a baby.

Yeah. This is how you burn a secondary. I'm sorry. From just this description, it sounds like you might be a Prep-work Secondary (Bird or Badger) and your mom might be an In-the-Moment Secondary (Lion or Snake.)

i feel bad when don’t do something my mom is asking me to do, like chores. i don’t particularly like washing dishes, but i do it in the end bc i think “mom would want me to, i have to help her,

I think this might just be a human thing. It could easily be coming from any primary.

ik she would hate it deep inside even if she represses any sort of emotion, blah blah."

That's an interesting thing to say about your mom, that almost certainly has bearing on her sorting. I'll keep that in mind.

i think another big example is continuing my college education on behalf of my mom bc i would just feel bad to let her down. i want peace. studying and having things shoved at you to do is not peace

Okay, college is a much *bigger* thing than just dishes, and tells me a little more about you. But what it tells me is just more burnt secondary stuff. If you don't know what flavor of Dippin Dots you want, you probably don't have any strong opinions about what you want to study, and you sadly seemed to be trapped in a cycle where everything is... kind of a chore, and a grind.

whenever i’m in public, i put on a cold exterior. better that people stay away from me and don’t bother me. the less for me to deal w the better. so, i’m generally p stoic, unless i absolutely have to plaster on a fake persona. it’s so hard to do tho, definitely rarely wanna ever keep up. very few people know my warmer side.

You're sounding very Actor Bird secondary here (or at least Bird secondary model.) You've got your armor, Stoic!You who is... safe. And Fake!You, which is a (presumably more cheerful, Badgery) performance that you hate.

when it comes to family, i just don’t wanna disappoint them mostly. there are moments where i will sacrifice myself, like when my cousin comes over sometimes to watch stuff w me, even if i’m tired, or don’t feel like it, i feel the need to follow through w it so i don’t let her down. i’d end up feeling guilty if i did.

Not wanting to disappoint your family is a feeling that can come from a lot of places. But in this case, it's not even lack of boundaries, it's more just 'not worth the fight.'

it always baffles me when my badger best friend is able to constantly put on a mask when she’s forced to socialize. and she’s forced to socialize a lot bc of her family. it would drive me insane.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that you have a Badger performance that you absolutely hate.

i suppose i’m also scared of forming new attachments in general. i’m scared if i’m saying anything inappropriate, if i’m not fun, if i’ll possibly lose that person ig, and yet, i can cut off relationships quick, in a non direct way.

And here it is. There's a lot of fear, in both Burnt primaries and Burnt secondaries. And what you've got going on here... seems to be a version of 'if I do not try, then I cannot fail.' If you've got a persona designed to keep people away, then you don't have to worry about not being fun enough, not saying the right thing, not having to cut off the relationship (before they cut off you?) That sounds like it really, really hurts. I'm sorry.

~ PRIMARY ~

idrk what i want myself. it’s not like i don’t want to continue getting an education—i just don’t know what to do, so it feels pointless for the time being. but if not for college, i would feel more aimless, and i’d have to deal w any unwanted consequences from not going, whether it comes from my mom or the external world.

You feel very Internal to me. The only place the external world is making an appearance is as something that you occasionally have to *deal* with. The wanting connection, but feeling like it's too unsafe to go out and get it could point to Burnt Snake primary... or this sort of "pointless" but not necessarily unpleasant could point to a Lion primary who hasn't been *inspired* by anything yet.

in general i can be influenced by my people’s agenda and follow through w it. i would feel bad if i didn’t. like selfish. at the same time, i can be a selfish person. the person i care for most besides anyone else is me. i care about me, me, me. self-preservation is the biggest part of me, i think. i think another trait of snake primary is not caring for the general public. i don’t. my biggest priorities are myself, my care, and whoever i choose to care for at the moment.i’m just not someone who can serve [people] constantly, especially random people.

Fair enough. I would argue that everyone's first priority ought to be themselves, because if you're not doing that, how can you be doing much good anywhere else? If you're not taking care of yourself, that just means someone else is going to have to show up down the line to take care of you, probably after things have gotten much worse.

That said... I'm seeing the Snake. Feeling selfish that you're not adopting your loved one's "agenda" but very much not being a Badger.

i’m used to being alone and i like being alone… i’m someone who drifts from relationships easy. i don’t think much about it. sometimes i do feel a little guilty for not talking to some of my friends much but not rlly. it’s just something that… happens.

And then you say something like THIS which honestly sounds... so Lion. Of the four primaries, Lions are easily the most comfortable being loners. And when they're in a bad place (like if they've got a very burned secondary, for example) their instinct will be to get by themselves, and spend as much time alone as possible, in order to reconnect with themselves and heal.

but i’m getting sidetracked—i can be direct if something that tickles my morals seems off. even to the people i love. if my parents do smth i don’t agree w, i legit can’t help it, i burst out.

Um. That's Lion.

it’s a bit of a bad habit and gets me into trouble. i did this a lot as a kid too. i was actually a bit nasty as a kid, i think….

this happens more often than not w my family doe. i’m not nearly as explosive w anyone else. if someone does smth that messes w my morals, i act more calm about it, although most of the time, i just don’t bother to bring my thoughts.

Yeah, because you've got a pretty burnt secondary, so you'll be boiling over inside and still not DO anything... presumably until it gets really desperate, at which point you'll lash out with anything you think will work. Which at the moment mostly seems to be Lion secondary?

i think what confuses me the most is my rebellious nature. there are times where i will listen to my parents, and then those times where i will go against their beliefs. it’s an internal fight sometimes.

It is literally a fight between your primary and your secondary. You can hear your Lion primary say "DO THIS!" But your secondary says "we can't." And then if you feel the situation is important enough, the Lion primary finds a way to whip the burnt secondary into doing something. But it hurts.

i have a bit of a “don’t care” attitude. if there’s something i want that they don’t agree w, oh well.

"Sounds like a them problem, not a me problem." Very Lion.

this tends to come from my aesthetic. i like the darker side of things, which seems weird to my mom, and she always says “people won’t think you’re normal, you shouldn’t dress this way, it’s not right” but… i don’t care about what other people think… so why should i take that into consideration? some of our arguments come from this. what people think of me is not my problem. and what she thinks… sometimes… is also not my problem. this trips me up bc it’s rlly dependent. sometimes i care about what people close to me think and sometimes i don’t. sometimes i’m assured in myself, and a LOT of the times, i’m not. 

This also sounds like a Lion primary thing to me. Lions don't care about everything equally, they'd go crazy if they did. And it can be sometimes be unpredictable and surprising just WHAT will give you that "I guess we're doing to die on this hill" Lion primary PING. But without it pushing you along... it doesn't seem like you have much to fall back on.

earlier, [Mom and I] argued on how a wife should know how to do basic chores, and well, everyone should, but my mom said it to be exclusively to a woman, and how her husband will not want her if she can’t even do smth so simple. like washing dishes. my first thought is—why does it have to be the wife? and can’t the husband clean the stupid dishes himself if he cares so much? he should know too. basic chores are important to know, but setting it exclusively to one gender is so stupid. she ended up using me as an example bc of my distaste for washing dishes, saying that my future husband would say i’m not a real woman and would leave me. and my thoughts are that, well, he can leave, if i’m ever caught w someone like that! in fact, i wouldn’t ever be searching out for someone like that ever. gross. my mom is a badger primary confirmed??? maybe that’s why a lot of her beliefs are so off putting to me…

I mean, could be. That focus on tradition and the way things "should be" can be very Badger primary. Although if she's bottling up her emotions, could be a pretty extreme model.

(and yes, obviously everyone should know how to do basic chores like washing the dishes.)

 i follow through w my skincare routine even on a time crunch and my mom wants me to hurry up. it’s just too important to me—i might try to rush a little, but it’s gonna take an apocalypse to make me give up on any part of it.

You know, it's funny. But I've figured out who you remind me of. You're Stede Bonnet, from Our Flag Means Death. Trapped in a very traditional this-is-how-things-are-done environment, and with a secondary so burned that he just goes along with everything... but his primary still does assert itself in his love of dark things (pirates) and his love of clothes.

i also do what i want when i  want. like rn, technically i COULD be doing college work, but… meh. i don’t want to. but then eventually i’ll feel pressure to do it anyways. i’m usually on time w assignments even if i start them somewhat late, bc i hate to think of the consequences i’d be dealing w if i didn’t do anything.

I mean, that's how it can be with a Burnt secondary. You don't *want* to do the thing. But eh, I'll do it I guess.

i think, if i had one argument to be made against lion primary (if it counts as one), it would be that, while i don’t mind praise, it’s not smth i’m actively thinking of or searching for. i’m just not used to it. if i get it, i’m like, oh, thanks! it’s nice, but… idk… i don’t think it’s a huge part of me if a part at all.

Lion primaries are not out here searching for praise, unless they're very exploded. At the end of the day, I don't think anyone can run entirely on approval coming in from outside yourself. Not for long, anyway.

am i interesting? it’d be cool if i was. or just a classic?

You are interesting, actually. It's unusual to have such a strong, loud primary and such a burnt secondary. It makes me think that you're going to be just fine, especially when you finish school and get out on your own. The fiery Lion primary seems pretty clear to me, and I *suspect* you might have a Prep-work secondary... but unfortunately, at the moment. Too burned to tell.

[amaryllisblackthorn]

so i just wanted to write a bit how daigo's hard on himself bc it's a thing i've noticed and it makes me sad

the most noticeable exhibits of this are in kiwami2 and ykz5 -- note that I've barely seen ykz4 so it's not being included here in detail. in kiwami2 the scene in serena tho with kashiwagi ??

the way kashiwagi bursts into the room and is like 'are you okay daigo?! you're not hurt, are you?' and daigo turns his head away/down?? as if he's feeling ashamed?

and what daigo says to him is 'sorry…i couldn't protect chairman goda' to which kashiwagi goes 'i heard. dont worry about it. you're alive, that's all that matters' and then offers him a cigarette&a light, which daigo accepts

its just such a short scene that always gives me a lot of feels and i feel is underappreciated but that’s also because i hyperfocus on daigo

but it's like, kashiwagi bursts in worried about daigo while daigo feels bad for not being able to protect the chairman but kashiwagi doesnt care about that, he's only caring about daigo at the moment and its just asdfghjk

all kashiwagi cares about rn is that daigo's okay!! but daigo's upset he couldn't protect the chairman -- as tho he's let them down, perhaps? 👀

srsly tho kashiwagi's interactions with daigo come off quite paternal, in a different way than kashiwagi's older brother interactions with kiryu and nishiki, which makes sense given context but it's something i always find cute/sweet

its a scene that i think shows that despite daigo being in his sort of 'angst, apathetic' 'phase', there's more to him than that&he actually cares quite a bit about things--his 'disrespectful' interjections at the meeting at omi hq i think are also supposed to be a sign of that, but i digress

and then there's the scene in ykz5. when daigo insists on like a proper duel/shootout with kurosawa to settle things and kiryu's all worried, daigo goes 'maybe i can finally say i lived up to the title of sixth chairman. kiryu-san' and that ???? that's absolutely in part related to the events from ykz4, and aaAH

not to mention what aizawa tells kiryu in the beginning of the game -- albeit aizawa is putting on a show -- "truth be told, all i know about you are the stories, fourth chairman. but it was the chairman who was always telling them. He said it was his duty to protect the Tojo Clan you left to him […] The other execs don't want us having these talks with the Yamagasa Family. say they're not even in the same league as the Tojo. how this equal alliance is anything but. but the chairman took it all in stride because of what he promised you."

not to mention daigo's "it may not always seem it…but i'm trying my best to walk this path" from the beginning ???

this is also sort of a tangent, but also the way daigo tells shinada that he didn't have any dreams of his own bc his path was already decided for him as a yakuza so he was fine with getting expelled to protect the baseball game was really sad, esp juxtaposed with how we're told that shinada remembers dojima-kun as having 'the top marks in the grade' aah

and i looked up the original japanese text to confirm that Shinada does specify 'Dojima-kun' as having first rank in the whole grade. assuming his father's reputation didnt intimidate the teachers' gradings -- and i dont think they did since it seems like daigo wasnt known for any yakuza ties in high school -- that means daigo was bright and could have potentially had a future with opportunities in another life aaah but i digress

and then in ykz6 when kiryu's writing that letter, aAH ;-; talking about children who believed they'd be loved and acknowledged by surpassing their parents/proving themselves ;-; the undertone of kiryu acknowledging he let daigo down by not being present for him despite his parental role and aaH i could go on about their relationship but im already rambling ;-; ;-;

daigo looks up to kiryu so much and it hurts me so much and makes the letter at the end of 6 so cathartic in a sense bc it's a validation of feelings for daigo and the shots of his face in the car during the scenes AAAhH

bc while kiwami2 shows that daigo's hard on himself outside of his relationship with kiryu, ykz5 makes it pretty clear that he feels like he's let kiryu down in a sense, by like failing to live up as chairman and stuff -- just that whole 'maybe i can finally say i lived up to the title of sixth chairman. kiryu-san' && 'it may not always seem it…but i'm trying my best to walk this path' is so !! heartbreaking !! and it's like, kiryu's distance, particularly post ykz3 but also like in general ever since Dojima died which is a whole !! other thing

this has gone offtopic a bit bc there's a lot about daigo that breaks my heart, so i apologize for the tangents