#dm me if you find god so I can kill them

[samwisefamgee]

Imagine thinking that investing in family would be worth the effort

[koolades-world]

Here’s a little silly idea I had

MC thinking they’re so funny by making memes and sending them to the group chat with everyone

They send stuff like

(Not made by me)

And they think it’s the funniest thing ever

Even better if they’re in the human realm and no one can get to them(yet)

I feel like this meme specifically would get a laugh out of Diavolo or at least a chuckle

HI!! omg when I saw your name I was like omg a returner!! thank you for supporting me for a while now and I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this! I always see your name in my activity and gahhh it's so exciting for me to see someone who comes back repetitively!!!

btw love court of darkness, used to play religiously! I really should get back into it bc rio is my love <33 would love to chat about the game if you have time!! my bestie loves lou too

this looks literally so fun to write haha, I already have so many ideas!!

please enjoy :)

Mc who makes memes about everyone

alright first thing first, lucifer is like the parent of the group who first, holds the phone really close to his face and then second, shares that it's not funny, he doesn't get it, or starts giving you a lesson

as long as it's at the expense of someone they dislike (cough lucifer), satan and belphie are on board and will even make some themselves

lucifer would totally hate it if all three of you just sent memes about him instead of responding to him

levi enjoys them so you entire conversation back in forth in dms turns into just sending memes back and forth

solomon understands you the best when it comes to memes and constantly looks over your shoulder while you make them

barbatos also doesn't think the memes are funny when they're at the expense of diavolo, even if diavolo think they're funny

otherwise, he literally does not care and will not respond at all to them

if you want a response, make one about him (and good luck you'll need it)

god that's really funny to think about

barb vs rat meme will get you killed but that's so fucking funny

simeon doesn't really get them, like lucifer, but he's much nicer about it and is like the supportive parent

levi, satan, and belphie contribute to your meme ideas stash the most

levi is the only one who actually makes them regularly though

if you send any about asmo, he posts them to his devilgram

diavolo finds all of them funny and shows them to the little d's like a proud dad

mammon tries to make a market out of them and fails

beel really enjoys the ones you make about him and belphie

if you weren't mc, you'd be dead lol

[local-diavolo-anon]

i'm back!

ok so 2/3 days ago i found this youtube video where op turned Springtrap (or well, William Afton) into a fully build DnD character, and if i say so myself: things got out of hand fast

so here is my take on DnD Springtrap and specifically on that build (adding more infos under the cut for who is interested, i suggest to watch the video first)

starting with saying that unless you're playing in a scifi setting, this build is either not for you or to be modified, since in later levels spells are heavily centered around technomagic and electronic devices; personally when i will play him i will probably tinker around with the chosen spells and cantrips to make him less violently niche and/or more versatile

which kinda saddens me because it takes away not little of the characterization but, given most dnd stories take place in a medieval fantasy or high fantasy setting, a cantrip like On/Off or a spell like Remote Access are NOT particularly useful; so i will go for more psychic damage or necromancy oriented abilities, maybe i might take more than just 4 levels in artificier as well (especially given that again, all of those warlock spells at later levels are all technology oriented) but i need to see what those offer

however it is a kinda tank-y build given that with a shield on you can get up to a 27 of Ac, so even with low damage and not much hp you would not struggle too much to stay alive, and i like that!

as for the character himself, i put too much effort into my interpretation not to share it, so if anyone wants to play this guy as well, i fabricated a possible backstory that might come useful:

The character goes by the name "Dave Miller" (or whatever variant you want to use), and was originally a human artificier who created constructs for a living, mainly with the goal of offering aid to who needed it for whatever reason.

After losing part of his family to some kind of accident he became terrified of death, so with age he started replacing his own body parts with machinery to delay his last days (which made him a cyborg), until the point where he was very very close to become just a robot.

There however he ran into an issue, that being that a robot need a power source, and his own heart and lungs could not sustain a whole robot by themselves.

Through particular and very much not illegal experiments tied to necromancy he discovered that the life force of a living being could be shared, and used as a form of fuel. (possibly: age lived of the creature used= amount of extra months you get)

Here comes the second problem: this only worked with intelligent creatures, and more specifically, it worked best with creatures of your own race, which meant that he either went around murdering people or he found another solution. Non same-race creatures worked as well but not as good and there were not easy to find in the middle of a city and with a shop tied to your name.

And here is where and WHY he'd join a party of adventurers: after some time, his reserves or fuel were running VERY thin, and running into a group of adventurers was a god sent because by joining their party he essentially got a free pass to kill whoever he wanted, and reduce them to a dried raisin after sucking some life force out of them. Doing so you learn that the mowe powerful the creature is, the more energy it produces as well.

Your goal, that you as the player are following, when role-ing your character? essentially slay whatever powerful BBEG your Dm throws at you and suck all of that juicy fuel out of them, so that you can return to your little shop in the middle of the capital and return to create and sell whatever weird construct, doll, or robot comes to your mind for another few decades undisturbed.

And this is it. I think this might be a good backstory that could fit pretty much any setting you want to play this guy into, be it classic dnd or some scifi futuristic thing.

of course you don't NEED to use this one line per line, make up your own without looking back if you don't like it lol, dnd is the "make up shit and have fun" game after all!

Edit: also no his outfit makes no sense, i just went with vibes and decided a tanktop dress shirt, a twin tailed gilet and suspenders OVER said gilet was a good choice.

[raguonmynieceandnephew]

"It's so unfair to the Rat Grinders that they are killed instantly and the Bad Kids get to roll death saves." SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUP

THIS IS LONG, AND HONESTLY FOR MYSELF, SO YEAH READ IF YOU WANT

I swear to god, this discourse is going to fucking be the end of me. Idk what kind of mind boggling spell Brennan Lee Mulligan wove into the fabric of the universe that spread through the data center of Dropout in order to absolutely hijack y'all's brains when it comes to Cocklord Assgape and her ragtag of character foils but whatever it was has made you Rat Grinder stans INSUFFERABLE in this site.

The levels of treating fictional characters as if they were real people have reached a level I honestly have never anticipated, to the point of y'all actually being mad AT THE CAST for "mistreating" them and ACTUALLY QUESTION BRENNAN'S CAPACITY TO DM. Do you not get how fucking insane that is?

We can't make fun of Copperkettle, one of the most pathetic, petty and incompetent villains in D20 history anymore (even though she is masterfully written and developed to generate this reaction from us) anymore because it's bullying apparently. I saw an account flip the fuck out because someone compared her rivalry with Kristen to Drake and Kendrick's beef. KIPPERLILY IS NOT A REAL GIRL. SHE IS A MAKE BELIEVE CHARACTER IN AN IMPROV SHOW SPAWNED FROM THE BRAIN OF A 36 YEAR OLD MAN

And then what truly pissed me off the MOST about this whole hell is the fact that, being chronically online avid consumers of this goddamn show, I would think you would have but a grasp of the main cast of characters' characterization.

Why the uproar about Riz saying they should chop Oisin's head off? The same Riz who tortured that pixie from Freshman year by shooting off their finger one by one? The same Riz who murked a disarmed and unconscious Coach Daybreak without battin an eye? The same Riz who ATE THE CORPSE OF KALVAXUS?

And the whole Fabian vs Ivy debacle MY GOD, THE GIRL WAS RACIST TO HIS GIRLFRIEND AND USED HER LAST BREATH TO CALL MAZEY "OBJECTIVELY UGLY". And the funniest thing is that is not even the most unhinged shit he has ever said.

And finally, Death Save Gate: THE RAT GRINDERS ARE NOT PLAYER CHARACTERS. THEY ARE NPCS! THE RULES FOR EACH WORK DIFFERENTLY, ESPECIALLY THEM BEING BOSS ENCOUNTERS. Imagine having to still hit Ivy or Oisin 2 more times to kill them when there is 14 foot tall Porter throwing legendary actions left and right, with Jace, and other 3 spell casters + Mary Ann and KLCK up and running. It's called balancing the fucking game. Also, game masters are entitled to break, mold and make up any rules they want if they find necessary in order to service themselves and their players. IF YOU PLAY WITH ALL THESE RULES AS THEY COME, GOOD FOR YOU AND YOUR TABLE. THIS IS NOT YOUR TABLE.

Not only is Brennan DMing for his CLOSEST FRIENDS EVER, he is also shooting and producing an ENTIRE TV SHOW. So yeah, i think he knows wtf he is doing.

"But the Ratgrinders had no real development": True. But it wasn't for lack of trying from the players. Everytime they tried to know more, the dice didn't let them, so they decided to focus on the mystery. It simply do be like that sometimes.

"But they are just kids!": And so were Penelope, Dayne, Ragh, Zayn, the Bloodrush Players, Aelwyn and Biz. Why wasn't it a problem then? Because most of them were evil to some extent and were about to bring the fucking apocalypse to the world? Yeah, sounds familiar right? And the ones who were manipulated or had any sort of redemption worked their way into earning it, right? Yeah.

In conclusion, I fucking love the Rat Grinders, I truly do, and not unlike 90% of this website, i'm still holding on to hope that they have any sort of development and redemption in the last episode, because I agree, they ARE children and they WERE manipulated by Porter and Jace, but like, can we also agree that they are fucking assholes and had it fucking coming? Also, the BKs are children too y'know. SO STOP BEING FUCKING ANNOYING.

[lightsoutletsgo]

gotta go my own way — ln.4

pairing: lando norris x reader

word count: 1.3k

warnings: angst to absolute crack and stupidity that makes no sense

request: Hi, can you do an angsty fic inspired by “I gotta go my own way” from HSM2. If can either be Charles or Lando or Charlando and they fuck up or something and reader leaves them? Maybe hurt/no comfort? It’s okay if you don’t want to

I fully thank @norrizzandpia for the hot mess that is the end of this fic. we couldn't stop cry laughing once we pictured the rest of the grid watching them sing the song and thus the end of the fic was born. (also credits to them bc I stole some of the dialogue lines they sent to my dm's!) happy reading! mimi 🤍 (I'm so so sorry if this isn't the request fill you were hoping for 😭)

taglist (all works): @arieslost - babe I'm so sorry I'm tagging you in this mess

“Y/N wait!!” You heard Lando call your name from the opposite side of the hotel courtyard and you turned to see him sprinting after you. You stopped and rested your suitcase next to you as he reached you, “Where are you going? Baby we can talk about this!” His hand reached for your arm and you stepped back with a sigh, “Lando… Listen…” He looked at you, pleading as he searched your face, “I guess I just need to say it straight right?” Your heart clenched, god knows this wasn’t easy, “Something about us just… doesn’t seem right these days…” You tried to speak as gently as possible, wanting Lando to understand you weren’t mad at him. “Neither one of us can help it, I know that, but it feels like whatever we try and do somehow the plan is always rearranged…” You trailed off, stepping back towards him and taking his hand gently. You didn’t look up at him, instead choosing to look at where his hand was now gently squeezing yours, his thumb rubbing back and forth in a soothing motion. Whether it was to soothe you or himself you weren’t sure but you took a deep breath to calm yourself. 

He didn’t say a thing, just gave you the space to continue talking, “I knew what I signed up for when I started dating you and if I went back and did it all over again I wouldn’t change my mind. I guess I just didn’t expect that it would affect my life so much? My job, my friends, my family?” Your eyes flitted up to his and you noticed how there were tears now pricking the corner of his eyes. “So what are you saying?” Your bottom lip trembled as you shrugged apologetically, “I’ve got to move on and be who I am…” It was so silent that you hardly dared to breathe. “Lando I’ve tried, I really really have but… Losing my privacy? Losing my time with the other people I love? Sacrificing my job? I just-” Lando scoffed and took his hand away from you “But what about us? What about everything we’ve been through?” “Well what about trust and everything that I’ve given up for you?!” You couldn’t help the way you raised your voice, Lando flinched at your words, seeming to realise how blind he’d been about your struggles, 

“You know I never wanted to hurt you…” You nodded and almost shrunk in on yourself, “I know…” Lando approached you slowly, not wanting to make you feel pressured or smothered, “I just need to know… Do you not love me anymore?” You let out a forced laugh as your eyes welled up with tears, “Do I not love you anymore? Lando I still love you so much that it’s killing me to do this but I know I have to-” “Why? If you still love me then why?!” “Because if I don’t leave you now then I’ll continue to give up everything else for you because I love you that damn much but maybe for a while I need to love myself!” You ranted, panting when you finished. 

He inhaled sharply and you couldn’t help but let the tears fall as you spoke quietly, “I’m sorry- “Don’t apologise. You have nothing to be sorry for.” His voice was firm,  “I have to go, my flight is in a couple of hours.” “I’ll miss you.” His voice was even softer, barely audible even though you were so close to him. “Who knows… maybe we’ll find our place in the world someday?” Lando gave a weak smile, “Yeah, maybe we will… Can I hug you? Just once more and then I swear, I’ll let you leave.” You nodded, unable to speak as you started crying harder.

Lando pulled you into his arms, as he too felt the tears start to fall, “I know you need to do this but it still really fucking hurts…” “I know Lando,” You pulled back to gently cup his face, “I gotta go my own way…” You smiled with a shrug. He pulled you closer to him and gently pressed a kiss to your forehead, your eyes closing as you inhaled deeply. “I’ll see you round?” “Yeah,” You grabbed the handle of your suitcase and started to walk towards the door, “I’ll see you around.” ✩ ♬ ₊.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩ ♬ ₊.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩ ♬ ₊.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Alex sat on the balcony of his hotel room that overlooked the courtyard, enjoying the cool night air. The door opened and out stumbled Oscar and Logan, their eyes glassy from the alcohol they’d been drinking at the afterparty. Alex chuckled, “Steady on guys.” Logan gave him a hazy half-lidded smile, “I’m okay!” Alex snorted, “Sure you are.” He turned his attention back to his laptop where his movie was paused. “Oh look! There’s Lando and Y/N!” Alex followed where Oscar was pointing to see you dragging your suitcase and Lando running after you. “Oooo I missed them! Should I call them over? HEY LA- MMPH!” Logan’s shout was muffled by Alex darting to cover his mouth, “I think they’re fighting?” Oscar looked sad as Logan tapped Alex’s arm to release him, “Surely not? They’re the perfect couple?” Alex leaned over the balcony, thankful that it was quiet enough that they could hear some of the conversation.

“What’s up guys?” The door on the balcony of the room next door slid open and out stepped George and Charles, “Lando and Y/N are fighting?” “Lando and Y/N? There’s no way! They’ll work it out.” Charles said confidently shrugging. Oscar’s brows furrowed suddenly, “Are you guys hearing that music too?” George frowned and craned his ears, “Why does that sound like High School Musical?” “Alex, is your film playing?” Logan asked innocently, “You were watching High School Musical?” Oscar snickered, “NO!” “I don’t know if I should be more concerned that we’re hearing music coming from nowhere or that George knew what it was straight away…” George scoffed at Charles, “Excuse me but the second movie has the best songs.” 

“Is no one else concerned that it’s coming from where Lando and Y/N are?” Oscar pointed out. “Oh God they’re singing.” Alex’s jaw dropped open, “Shut up they’re not?” “I promise you they are.” George and Charles paused for a moment to look at each other before scrambling out of George’s room and down the hallway to Alex’s. They burst into the room and pushed their way onto the balcony, squishing in between Oscar and Alex to lean over the railing. Charles slapped a hand over his mouth as he heard Lando sing the next line very loudly and out of tune, “Are they high?” George pondered out loud, “What exactly is going on?” “Well it can’t be a fight, there’s no way that’s a fight.” Logan spoke matter of factly, “Do you think they’re aware of what they’re doing?” Their expressions varied as you warbled out a somewhat high note, 

“More than that, do you think they know we can hear them?” Logan’s hand came up to cover his ear, “Should we stop them?” Charles asked, “Nope!” “Absolutely not.” George and Alex spoke across each other as Oscar’s phone appeared out of nowhere in his hand and he held it up to start filming. “Are they okay?” Nobody answered Logan, instead just watching you and Lando, until they heard a cough from above them. Leaning back against the balcony and tipping their heads to look up they saw Carlos looking down at them, “That, my friends, is debatable. But it is entertaining, no?” Everyone’s attention turned back to the two of you as the song came to an end and you walked away from Lando, “Oh my god guys, I think that was actually them breaking up.” Logan stated as everyone stood there in shock. Nobody spoke for a moment until Carlos’ voice filtered down from the balcony above, “Also I’ve been out here the entire time and would like to let you know that Alex was actually watching Camp Rock.” 

[yizmiu]

SITUATIONSHIP 〻ᯇ # lee heeseung

001. BOMBOCLAAT | smau + written 760 wrds

IN WHICH ✶ y/n loved the idea of love, simply because she hadn’t experienced it yet. She hoped and prayed that love would come to her at the perfect time of her life where she’s mentally stable and ready for it. So when she suddenly gets attention from Lee Heeseung—she can’t tell if she likes this or not? This sudden attention, he was extremely sweet to her, way too sweet that it was suspicious. Given his reputation, Heeseung wasn’t the type to settle. So why was he all up on Y/n? and just why was Y/n enjoying it? She was confused with herself and her new situationship, maybe she’s just overstimulated by everything and scared to commit.

“Oh my god, Hani! You just stole my kill.” Y/n groaned in disbelief. “Oh, I’m sorry.” The boy laughed, “I’ll let you have the kills, I'll just assist you now.”

“There’s shooting to the right, let’s rush!” Seunghan said as his and Y/n’s characters sprinted towards the shooting. “Okay. You got that, Y/n!”

“OKAY NEVERMIND PLEASE COME HELP ME!” Y/n shouted as everything went downhill as soon as she started shooting. “I DONT GOT THIS I DON’T THINK I’M THAT GOATED.” She rapidly spoke as she tapped quickly at her mouse.

“I got it.” Seunghan said as he quickly killed the team that was attacking Y/n. “Thank you, Hani. You’re my savior.” Y/n sighed in relief.

“Of course, we just have one more person now. Let’s go to find them.”

—

“Hi, chat!” Heeseung waved to his webcam. “Me and Jake are gonna play a little fort today, maybe some roblox if I feel like it.” Heeseung explained the game plan for his stream today.

“Hi, chat.” An Australian accent spoke out, breaking the sound barrier which hurt Heeseungs ears, along with chat’s. “Jake, your mic is so loud bro.” Heeseung laughed as he switched the screen to discord, where you could see Jake adjusting the volume of his mic.

“Is this better?” Jake asked, Heeseung nodded his head approving the sound quality of his mic.

“Chat, I was just peacefully playing Sims 4 when Heeseung-Hyung suddenly tweets saying we are playing fortnite? I didn’t agree to this at first, I was busy making the boys.” Jake argues. “Jake likes to also give himself a girlfriend, right?” Heeseung teases, with a smirk on his face.

“Hyung, you know my dm’s are crazy filled.” Jake tried to show off. “Whatever, let’s just play fort, is your update done?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, do you want to play squads for the shits and giggles? We can just hope they have mics.” Heeseung suggested. “Yeah, playing with strangers…can be interesting sometimes.”

“Okay, ready up.” Heeseung says and Jake does so.

The two loaded into the game, being put into a squad with the users, “HaniHehe” and “FashionQueen127”.

“FashionQueen127? What kind of username is that?” Heeseung asked. “Says you, KittyDestroyer.com??” Y/n asked in confusion.

“I’m a kitty destroyer, it’s very literal.”

“And I’m a fashion queen, it’s very literal.” Y/n said seriously which made Heeseung and Jake laugh.

“I’m only playing around.” Heeseung chuckled. “HaniHehe, is your name Hani?” Jake asked. “It’s my nickname, my name is Seunghan.” Seunghan answered. “That’s cool! I’m Jake, duh, it's in my username.” Jake scoffed at himself.

“I’m Heeseung, what’s your name, FashionQueen127– Do you like NCT?” Heeseung asked mid sentence. “I do like NCT!” Y/n said with some excitement. “Oh, and my name is Y/n.”

“I’m streaming right now, say hi to my chat.” Heeseung said as he pinpointed “Fencing Fields”. “Let’s go to “fencing fields.”

“Hi, Chat.” Seunghan and Y/n said at the same time. “What’s your twitch username?” Seunghan asked. “It’s just my name Lee Heeseung.”

Y/n and Seunghan knew who Lee Heeseung was, hello who didn’t know Lee Heeseung?

The two went silent for a second, debating whether or not they should mention the fact that they both go to the same college as him.

“What’s your twitter?” Y/n asked. “It’s heeseung2earth! Do you listen to wave2earth?” Y/n loves wave2earth, she even saw them live once. “I love them! I saw them live before! I’m about to follow you.”

“Me too!” Seunghan said as he pulled his phone out. “Hey, I want new followers too. My user is jaeyun.sim!” Jake said.

user ynzhng has followed you!

user honghani has followed you!

Heeseung looked at his phone, looking at their profiles before following. Stunned at Y/n’s profile, he thought she was pretty.

“You guys go to Primrose? We go to Primrose!” Heeseung gasped as he followed the two. “Small world.” Y/n awkwardly chuckled.

“You knew who I was, didn't you?” Heeseung smirked. “Yeah, we did.” Y/n confessed, “You don’t know who we are– who I am at least so I didn’t say anything.” Y/n chuckled.

“What do you major in?” Heeseung asked as he looked around for loot. “Fashion.” Y/n answered plainly.

“And you major in dance right, Seunghan?” Heeseung asked, Seunghan was a familiar face to him.

“Yeah, I do.”

“You’re in…the Riize crew, right?” Heeseung tried to remember what dance crew the other was in. “Yes, I am!”

“That’s cool! Chat, we just made new friends!”

m.list — previous — next

ᯇ ೀ jayjay note ; yasssssss first chap, feedback is always appreciated!

ᯇ ೀ taglist ( open ) ; @lilacnini @haechology @heegyuwrld @wonyoungsvirus @enhaz1 @sparklingsjy @skzeyeu @euncsace @hotsforikeu @simjyunnie @yenqa @eleanorheartschishiya @ahnneyong @teddywonss @parkwonbinluvr @k1ttylvr @doulcie

[spacebarbarianweird]

Hi there, I had this fun idea - while the tinkerer class isn't playable in BG3, can we pretend for a while that it is? You know, Tav and Astarion both showing middle finger to all the gods... Tav can even help him with his condition. Some gadget blocking the sun, artficial blood, stuff like that. Honestly, the of them being this steampunk couple of a vampire rogue and Tav with enhanced crossbow or a gun has made my day. So - do you have aby headcanons about that?

OR perhaps Astarion and an Alchemist who likes to trick people too if that makes you happier? 😉

You are the first to request Artificer! People forget this class since it's not in the game, though, it's official. But some DM believe the Artificers bring unnecessary steampunk vibes.

There is also some naughty, to say the least, stuff, let me know if you want more of this.

Masterlist

Headcanons

Astarion x Artificer!Tav

In the realm of magic, you are that bitch who brings a gun to a knife fight.

You construct machines and mechanisms out of nothing, enchanting them with unique techno-magic,

Armour to withstand necrotic damage? A healing helmet? A prosthetic hand? A full-time "living" creature, a Nimblewright?

There is nothing you can't do with your crafty hands.

Things are complicated in terms of love.

You are more interested in cogs and gears rather than dates and sex.

You've tried once and it was a huge "ugh".

Virginity is wasted for nothing.

So, you've also learned to make sex toys but it's this side job you pray no one will ever know about.

But customers are never unsatisfied though you sometimes get in trouble.

Mostly, the owners of local brothels try to accuse you of lewd misconduct.

You are finally tired of all this shit and decide to move places.

And the mindflayers take you.

You easily escape, making small machines out of debris to help you survive this madness.

You construct armor, and you enhance swords.

Magic sucks, behold the science!

Astarion makes moves to you, successfully seducing you.

And let's say, none of your inventions have ever satisfied you the same way this troubled vampire does.

You think you are in love. And you believe he is, too.

But later he confesses to you that it was a lie.

He used you. And he is sorry.

You are heartbroken, at the very least. You feel used.

You break up with Astarion, leaving him alone in his misery.

But it doesn't mean you want him to suffer - you kill his master, secure his freedom.

When it all ends, he starts burning alive - running to the shadows, like a rat chased by cats.

You feel bad, especially when you hear vicious mockery from your friends.

But you fail, losing his track underground.

That night, you cry.

The thing is, you've never stopped loving him. You were just too stubborn to admit it. Besides, gods, Astarion tried to be honest for the first time in his fucking life.

And you punished him for opening his heart.

What a vile creature you are?

Half a year later, you meet him at the party.

Astarion looks happy - he is an adventurer and a hero, living his life to the fullest.

And he tells you something that makes your heart stop.

"I wonder if we could be together after all, you know. But it seems like you have a new life, and I am happy for you."

You take his hands in yours and ask him to go somewhere private.

Then, you apologize. You say how much you've missed him and that you love him. And you want to be together.

Instead of an answer, he hugs you.

"There is nothing I want more," he whispers.

In the morning, you leave together to find a place that fits both of you.

Living with Astarion is worth of effort, but sometimes it's almost unbearable.

His nightmares, his breakdowns.

You wonder how tf he survived on his own all these lonely months.

You open your artificer shop in Neverwinter, and Astarion becomes a professional monster hunter.

Thanks to you, he doesn't need to hide in the shadows.

You make him a cape that creates a field protecting him from the sun. The eye lenses to make his eyes green.

You also learn alchemy - first, to make potions to ease his nightmares and anxieties.

Later, you make them to satiate his hunger.

Your crafty hands also come in use in healing his sexual trauma.

Astarion craves intimacy, he wants to enjoy sex. He just can't make himself undress and make love to you.

Problem solved - he can fuck you with a toy you've constructed while being fully dressed and in control.

You also use some of your inventions on Astarion, helping him to reconnect with his own sexuality.

One day, he pins you to the bed, making love to you without any extra tools.

It's been such a wild night that your neighbors "politely" asked to install soundproof shields.

You keep learning alchemy, making more and more potions, and one day you finally get your answers.

There is a way to make Astarion mortal without interfering with dark magic or soul-retrieving pacts.

Science, bitches.

Astarion is hesitant. He is eager to drink any potion you make, but being transformed back into a mortal is very extreme.

You ask Astarion to bring him test subjects.

He drags you a deranged vampire, one of the most miserable Cazador's victims - completely insane, almost an animal, that was hunting in the dark caves.

And it works.

The deranged vampire turns into a deranged mortal. But mortal.

Astarion takes the potion, but, maybe, it's because of how long he's been a vampire or because he's an elf, he doesn't turn immediately.

He falls to the floor comatose.

He stays like that for a month, a terrible and long month when you think you've lost him.

One evening, you hear a strange sound.

Breathing.

He breathes in his unconsciousness.

You put your hand on Astarion's chest.

Heartbeat.

You did it. You cured him.

He wakes up with you on his chest, dizzy and exhausted with some memory gaps.

Piercing you with his natural green eyes.

--

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[ashs-pastas]

Hello! I didn't see any posts of hc on ur page so I suppose I'm the first request! It'll probs be a long one bc, Yandere AU and they're NSFW and SFW. So just... don't yell at me.

These are all Yandere AU versions so... they're all Yanderes.

- Jeff, Candypop, Masky and Hoodie NSFW alphabet and maybe 1 or 2 SFW hc?

- Jason the Toymaker | Random NSFW and SFW headcanons!!!1!!1!

Take your time of course, darling! And if you ever want more requests, just DM me if you'd like!

Yandere Jeff the Killer, Candy Pop, Hoodie & Masky nsfw alphabet [A-E] With some sfw headcannons

[someone laugh at the first pic with me pls]

I would never yell at you :’-) I have always wanted to try writing these!! I did a few because when I make a post too long my tumblr glitches grrr. Also I don’t know much about Jason the Toy maker so I will read up on him tonigjt and do those tomorrow :-) also please feel free to send more!!! also does Candy Pop have a canon name?? I’ve tried to find it but i might be dumb

Jeff the Killer nsfw alphabet

A is for Aftercare -

Jeff is not the best with aftercare… his first response isn’t to get up and clean up or anything but he loves to hold you tight afterwards. He will absolutely not let you get up for whatever reason. He likes pillow talk in a way. He doesn’t really talk much but he likes to hear you talk about whatever comes to mind. You could be talking about anything and he will just nod along and listen attentively

B is for Body part

His favorite body part on himself would be his smile of course. He also loves his arms. He’s pretty proud of the muscle that he has and loves to flex for you. He thinks he’s an absolute beauty and loves everything about himself though.

His favorite body part on his s/o is most likely their hair. It doesn’t matter whether it’s short or long, curly or straight, dyed or natural. He loves all the ways you style it and loves to play with it. It’s also something that he loves to grab on and pull on during sex. He has a thing for pulling on your hair and forcing you to look him in the eyes.

B is for Bondage

I actually don’t think Jeff is a big fan of tying you down because I think he would rather pin you down himself. He likes to show you how much stronger he is then you. He likes the fear in your eyes when you realize you can’t fight him off. The only bondage I can see him being into is gagging you if you are whining too much. He also ties you down when he leaves because he wouldn’t want his darling escaping

C is for Cum

Jeff is a nasty nasty man and he loves to cum pretty much all over you. He especially loves to cum on your face or chest. Seeing you covered in his seed makes his possessive side so happy.

D is for Dick size

Jeff is probably a good 5 and a half inches but THICK. He absolutely knows how to use it too.

D is for Dom

This may be controversial but I have seen a lot of sub Jeff headcannons and I can not picture that. Jeff is a mean dom 24/7. He is very selfish with his pleasure and he loves to be in control of your pain and pleasure. He is very demanding and expects you to submit to him at all times.

E is for Experience

I can see Jeff having had a few flings but they meant nothing to him and it was just when he was very horny and looking to get his dick sucked. With how selfish he has been with his own pleasure I think you would have to gently teach him how to please you. He would be very cocky and pretend he is a sex god though but he would actually take your advice. ( he would never say that aloud but he wants to be able to make your legs shake and have you screaming his name)

sfw headcannons

- Jeff is the type of guy to talk to you after you fall asleep. Usually quietly muttering about how he “fucking loves you” and he would “kill anyone for you”

- Jeff is not the sweetest guy but if he ever see’s that you haven’t ate much then he will get you your favorite foods and snacks even if he doesn’t like them

- He loves when you brush his hair. It’s often tangled and messy and he loves when you do it for him

Candy Pop nsfw alphabet

A is for Aftercare

Candy Pop is actually decent at aftercare. He would clean you up afterwards, often lingering on spots you are especially sore and cuddle up to you. Sex with Candy Pop is often tiring with how many rounds he likes to go so you would usually drift off to sleep in his arms.

B is for Body part

Candy Pop has a hard time picking a favorite body part on himself because he loves himself but he would say his hair. He loves how long and soft it is and he would encourage you to pull on it during sex or if he was going down on you.

Candy Pop’s favorite body part on you would be your chest. It doesn’t matter what gender you are or the size but he will constantly be groping and leaving marks all over your chest. He likes to gift you outfits that show off your chest so he has more reason to stare and touch you.

B is for Bondage

Candy Pop’s is into everything and bondage is one of his favorites. He loves tying down his sweet darling so they are unable to move and touching them all over and overstimulating them as much as possible. He would also love to be on the receiving end and be tied down by his darling as long as he could trust them not to pull any tricks on him.

C is for Cum

Candy Pop loves to cum everywhere he can. His favorite places to cum would be deep inside of you or in your mouth, and he expects you to swallow all of it because, “Good babies are grateful for treats.” Make sure you don’t waste a drop. He also loves when you cum inside of his mouth and on his face. He will happily lick up all of your sweet juices. He is addicted to your taste and will want to make you cum again so he can taste more of you.

D is for Dick size

Candy Pop is very long at 7 inches. He’s not the thickest but so long that he hits all of your sweet spots that have you seeing stars easily.

D is for Dom

Candy Pop is a major switch. He can easily go from being a bratty sub and mouthing off to a pleasure dom wanting to do their best to have you cumming over and over. Either way they will always be focused on pleasing you first.

E is for Experience

Candy Pop is very experienced and loves to show it off. He knows all the tricks and will abuse it to the max. He is very observant and will know exactly what you like and don’t like. He is also very good at guessing what kinks people have so don’t expect to be able to hide anything from him. Nothing is too wild for him, he just wants to try your favorite things out with you!

sfw headcannons

- Candypop loves to have spa nights with you. He is always willing to do all the work for you. He’ll put products in your hair and do face masks with you. ( kind of weird but if you like to shave, he will always offer to do it for you. and he will be very gentle )

- He loves to give you massages!! Very good at them too he might be a secret masseuse because he always finds where you’re sore and rubs the knots out

- If you like to do makeup he will BEG you to do his. It doesn’t matter if you are a pro or not very skilled, he will love the look no matter what

- He also strikes me as the type to really like wearing matching outfits (not completely but color coordinated and such)

Hoodie nsfw alphabet

A is for Aftercare

Brian is a great guy when it comes to aftercare. He will get you whatever you ask for. If you don’t want to move he will gently clean you up with a towel. If you want a bath he will run you one with lots of bubbles. He will inspect your body and apologize and kiss any marks he left behind.

B is for Body part

Brian isn’t the most confident but he likes his hands. He thinks they are very strong and he knows he can use them in multiple ways ;)

Brian’s favorite body part on you would be your lips. He’s always starring at them and thinking about how soft and plump they are. He absolutely loves kissing you and he likes when they are red and swollen after a makeout sesh.

B is for Bondage

I can see Brian being averagely interested in bondage but he likes to tie you down with softer materials like silk. But if you’ve been bad then he can always handcuff you. He does sometimes like to use your belt around your neck as a makeshift leash/collar, He loves tugging on it while he’s fucking you from behind.

C is for Cum

He can be a bit more shy and likes to pull out and cum on your stomach or back. He will not vocalize it but he would lose his mind if when he cums in your mouth you would swallow and open your mouth and stick your tongue out to show him that you swallowed all of his seed. He would instantly be hard again.

D is for Dick size

I think Brian is just short of 6 inches and pretty insecure about it. He’s very girthy though and fills you up perfectly.

D is for Dom

I can see Brian being a switch but like 90% dom and 10% sub. But I think if he was subbing and you teased him too much or were going too slow for his liking he would take back control by flipping you over and reminding you why he’s in charge.

E is for Experience

This is a hard one tbh. He’s probably had a few sexual encounters but nothing that went past second base. He would be very nervous your first few times but would quickly learn what you like.

sfw headcannons

- From the moment you started dating he will secretly be planning your wedding

- Also keeps notes of random things you like and don’t like

- The type to kiss any “ouchies” you might have got (i’m cringing at my own word choice but for some reason I can see him using it)

- He brings you flowers at LEAST once a week and they are always your favorite

Masky nsfw alphabet

A is for Aftercare

Also decent at aftercare. Will help clean you up and make you drink water. Also feels bad if he sees how rough he was and you are walking funny. He will carry you around.

B is for Body part

He loves his hair and is pretty happy with soft and fluffy it can get. He takes good care of it and can get annoyed if he’s having a bad hair day. If you compliment it or play with his hair, his ego will grow.

He loves your neck/throat. He just loves how soft and sensitive you can be when he kisses it or leaves marks. Your neck is always covered in love bites and he knows exactly where your sweet spot is.

B is for Bondage

Tim is a very big bondage fan. He likes a lot of the complex knots and such. As punishment he likes to tie you up in strange way that often leave you sore and bruised. I don’t know if this counts as bondage but he would love to get a sex swing, he thinks both you and him would enjoy it very much ;) He is not ALWAYS intentionally rough but he does feel a bit smug when he sees the rope burn marks the night after.

C is for Cum

Another nasty man. Will cum wherever he pleases. He likes to cum on your chest and face a lot. He likes the look of surprise when he pulls out of mouth and shoots his load all over your face. He likes to cum inside of you, only to make you walk around without panties so he can see his cum dripping down your legs.

D is for Dick size

A little under 6 inches but will brag about his massive cock constantly. Unfortunately you can not deny it because he is pretty big. Not the thickest but also not thin either.

D is for Dom

Tim is 100% a dom. You could not make this man sub if you tried. He would laugh in your face and edge you. I can see him having a lot of control issues and having an obedient little darling would make him very happy. Although if you were to ever act out… he would make sure there would not be a second time.

E is for Experience

Averagely experienced but never really played around kinks and fetishes until he met you. Unlike Jeff I think he would be very cocky but has the qualifications to back it up.

sfw headcannons

- He likes to participate in your favorite hobbies/activities with you. He might complain a little but he can’t hide his smile at seeing you happy and in your element

- Tim cannot cook but he will “help” when you are cooking. By doing the easy things such as chopping and preheating the oven lol

- The type to bring you stuffed animals. He will leave them in your room for you to find and deny it was him but you obviously know it was him

[detectivestucks]

The Bet

18+ Content, Minors do NOT interact

Pairing: Tobi x F!Reader

Summery: You are relatively new to the Akatsuki and your best friends Konan makes a wager with you. When you lose, you're forced to take Tobi on a date.

Warnings: NSFW, canon violence, mentions of biting, fingering, oral-male receiving, unprotected penetration, facial.

Word Count: 4.8k

Anon Ask via DM: Been getting a lot of Kakashi request so I was happy to write for Obito again :)

Tobi always had eyes for you. 

Nothing happens in the Akatsuki without his approval but when Konan asked Pain to let you join their troop of miscreants, Tobi overwhelmingly approved of Pain’s decision. You were skilled, vicious, and adorable. You captured the attention of every man you came across. Even when fighting enemies your beauty captivated them. They shamelessly flirted with you as you battle to the death.

“Come on gorgeous, why don’t you drop the katana and I‘ll take you on a nice date?”

“Wow, strong and beautiful. Maybe after this I can take you to dinner.”

“Keep trying to kill me and I might just ask you to marry me.”

The pick up lines were pathetic and met with a resounding rejection that was usually followed by ending their lives. 

Yes, Tobi had eyes for you alright. He felt a twinge of envy for anyone who joined you on missions because you were a brilliant sight to behold when you hunted your target down. You weren't a victim to the harsh realities of the shinobi world. You were the harsh reality of the shinobi world. 

Always hanging around with Konan, the two of you whisper to each other whenever you’re at the hideout between missions. The other members always came over to talk to you, trying to impress you with boyish charm and corny pick up lines. They would leave you in a fit of giggles and whispers while Tobi watched from a distance. He wanted you as much as the other guys but he had a double life to worry about. He’d leave the rest of the crew to hopelessly fawn over you and your seemingly high standards. 

One afternoon the two of you are chatting away in the corner of the main room laughing at Deidara and Hidan who are putting on an impressive display for you both when Tobi walks through. He runs up to his partner and clings onto him for dear life, pretending to be a damsel in distress

“Oh Deidara! There was a mean man outside! Make him go away with your very impressive art.”

He tilts his head to the side and you just know he’s batting his lashes below his mask. You and Konan crack up at his ridiculous mini play. You enjoyed Tobi. He was funny and pissed Deidara off constantly. He was the much needed comic relief amongst a bunch of moody, brooding, arrogant rogue shinobi. However out of all the guys in the gang he was the only one you weren’t interested in. Even Zetzu had a better chance ending up between your legs than the orange masked idiot.

Konan sees you laugh a little too hard at Tobi and nuzzles her lips against your ear,

“What do you think Tobi’s like on a date?”

“Oh gods I hope I never have to find out. He’d probably cling to his girlfriend the way he hangs on Deidara.”

You both snicker at that, certain it’s true.

“Care to make a wager then?”

Konan piques your interest and you lift a brow at her.

“Next mission, the woman with the least kills asks Tobi on a date.”

You turn to her with your mouth open. “Konan! You seriously are willing to keep living here if you lose?”

“Oh I’m not losing.” she says, crossing her arms.

“Well I’m sure as hell not losing either.”

The both of you continue to stare at your animated comrades when you speak again.

“What does the winner get?”

Konan snorts “Not going on a date with Tobi.” 

“Besides that!”

“I don’t know.: She thinks for a quick second. “They have to invite their crush into their bedroom.”

Your eyes dart around the room, not sure who to choose. There were a lot of guys in your gang that you wanted to sleep with. Pain was off limits cause of Konan but Kisame was ripped and had that sexy predator thing going for him. You bet he bites and when he does, it breaks the skin. Then he probably soothes your wounds by licking up the blood while he fucks you stupid on his cock. 

Your eyes pan over to pretty boy Deidara who was gorgeous with hair you wanted to pull while his mouth lapped between your legs. You thought about all the sinful things the mouths on his hands would do to you and it makes you cross your legs.

You look at Hidan who was crazy hot and twisted. You could see him getting freaky during your period and you wanted to surrender to the ‘way of jashin’ for just one night, letting him do whatever he wanted to your naked body. 

Lastly you peer over at the quiet Itachi. Reserved, kept to himself, and well mannered. The kind of guy you could bring home to your mama but was probably a filthy boy in bed. You imagine him slapping you and calling you degrading names while his eyes glow red.

“Can’t decide, huh?” Konan says with a light jab. 

“Well not all of us joined the Akatsuki with our childhood crush.”

“Don’t worry, you won’t have to choose. Cause you’re gonna lose.”

You open your mouth and look at her pretending to be gobsmacked. “Oh it’s on!”

****************************************************

Konan picked a good time to wager her little bet cause your next mission was a full fledged raid. One thing you envied about Konan was her ability to make shuriken out of paper, leaving her with an endless supply of weapons while utilizing minimal physical effort. You on the other hand had incredible speed but only two kunai and a katana at your disposal. No one could match your lightning speed, not even the raikage himself. But you could still only attack up to two targets at a time. 

The night was long and the body count was high.

…and Konan was kicking your ass. 

You were desperately trying to take out more targets than her but her range was so much farther than yours. You were needlessly brutal, terrified of the horrible date night that was to come at the end of the mission. The first rays of light shone over the rooftops when the two of you finally made your retreat. 

“Your count?”

“78” you pant

“Ha! I win! 102”

“Shut up!”

She only smiles back at you.

“Fuck! Now I have to ask out Tobi.”

“Sucks to suck”

“Oh gods, what if he wants me to suck his dick?!”

“You better open wide.”

You shove her off the tree she jumped on but she caught herself by creating paper wings and flew the rest of the way home. Smug bitch.

You meet up just outside of the hideout, entering together. As soon as you walk through the threshold Konan begins to shout. 

“Tobi! Y/N needs you!”

“I hate you so much right now.” You grumble under your breath.

She sticks her tongue out at you, “Deal with it. I’m gonna go find Pain.”

She leaves in a twirl just as Tobi timidly enters the room. 

“You needed me, Y/N?”

“Yes…I have something to ask you.”

Tobi just stands there, staring at you behind his mask, head eerily tilted to the side. Gods he’s so creepy. You begin to wring your hands in front of your stomach, building the courage to ask the dreaded question.

“Tobi…would you…” you bite your lower lip in the most adorable way and Tobi can feel his heart twist in his chest. “Would you go on a date with me?”

“Oh.”

You stare at him, unsure of what to make of his response. Maybe he was going to reject you. Maybe you won’t have to go on a date at all. Thank the heavens.

“What do you have in mind?”

“I-uh…” Fuck! Now I have to plan the date too?! Konan I’m gonna kill you. “I hadn’t decided yet.”

There was a moment of silence between the two of you.

“Do you want to go or not? Cause I can go ask one of the others if you’re not interested.”

Tobi scratches the back of his neck and responds in his childish tone.

“Geh, Y/N, I’d be happy to go on a date with you.” He brings his hands together in front of him and tilts his head to the side in a feminine display, “I just wasn’t expecting it is all.”

It took everything in you not to cringe so instead you force a laugh. Maybe he was just trying to be funny. Yeah, that’s it, he was trying to be funny. 

That night you get dressed in a long flowy pale pink skirt with slits along each thigh and a fitted cream colored top with corset detailing around the bust. You hoped one of the other guys saw you in it and would knock on your door later to show you how a real man treats a woman. For now, though, you needed to focus on making it through your date with Tobi.

He knocks on your bedroom door and you walk over to answer it. Tobi stands before you in a fitted black shirt and black pants covered in a long black kimono adorned with a dark gray geometric pattern. It wasn’t a bad look but he hid every inch of his body from everyone as usual.

“Wowzah!”

You smile and roll your eyes. “What, never seen a proper woman before?”

You turn around and retreat back into your room to grab your cream square heels, sliding them on while balancing yourself with Tobi’s arm. 

“So where are we going?”

You look at him and smile playfully “You’ll see.”

You grab Tobi’s hand and pull him through the hideout, heading towards the exit. As you walk through the common area, Tobi looks to the side and sees the jaws of Hidan, Deidara, and Zetzu fall to the floor. He can’t help but feel a swell of pride at their jealousy. 

The date, however, was terribly awkward. You tried your best to be flirty but you had no way of telling how Tobi felt. You couldn’t see him smile or blush. You couldn’t tell if he was staring at you with interest or anger. It was extremely one sided and uncomfortable. You did your best to sell the lie but it was probably painfully obvious that you didn’t want to be holding hands with a big masked baby. 

On the way home you sway as you walk next to him, both arms hugging his right one, trying to maintain a normal conversation. It occurs to you that this might be your only chance to ask the burning question everyone in the Akatsuki is thinking.

“Tobi? Why do you wear the mask?”

“Because I don’t want anyone to see my face of course!”

You roll your eyes. “Okay but why don’t you want anyone to see your face?”

“That’s for Tobi to know.”

You shake your head “What, you ugly or something?” You squeeze his bicep flirtatiously. “You get stuck in a house fired and are covered in scars?”

Tobi goes stiff in your hold. You drop his arm and bring both your hands up to your mouth.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry. I was only joking!”

Tobi walked next to you in silence. If you thought it was awkward before, that was nothing compared to the embarrassment you felt now. 

“Tobi, you’d have nothing to be embarrassed about you know. It’s not like you’re the only freak in the circus. I mean. Kisame is practically a shark, Sasori lived inside a puppet, and Hidan drinks blood to become a skeleton.” A hot ass skeleton but Tobi doesn’t need to know that. “We’re all weirdos.”

Tobi still doesn’t speak but his body relaxes some. He was getting a little easier to read but you still couldn’t wait for the night to be over. He creeped you out and you still had no respect for him. He was a fool even if he was kinda funny. 

You finally make it back to the hideout and much to your disappointment, everyone has gone to bed. Tobi walks you to your side of the hideout next to Konan’s room and awkwardly gives you two pats on the shoulder before telling you he was off to bed in his high pitched kid’s tone.

You turn to unlock your room with a signature roll of your eyes relieved the night was over.

“Pfh, what a loser, bet he’s never even made a girl cum in his life.”

As Tobi’s walking away he overhears you and stops dead in his tracks. He knows that he’s playing a fool but it wouldn’t hurt to teach you some manners and show you who’s really in charge of the Akatsuki while he’s at it.

Just as you open your door you feel two gloved hands tightly grip your biceps. Someone had snuck up behind you.

“What’d you say?”

The voice was rich and deep. It was a cold blanket that covered you with fear and made chills creep down your back. Your breath falters. You didn't dare turn your head.

“Tobi?”

He pushes you into your room with a finger shoved into your spine between your shoulder blades.

“Would you like to test that little theory?”

You turn around, face painted in fear as you search Tobi’s orange mask for answers. He slams the door closed behind him. Tearing off his robe as he swiftly steps forward causing you to retreat away from him backwards. You’re too distracted by the sudden change in his demeanor to notice the bulging muscles poking through his skin tight shirt before he picks up a shoe and throws it against the wall to kill the lightswitch. 

You reach your arms in front of you, ready to push him away but he somehow passes through them and has a grip on your hair while he is sucking on the skin of your neck. An involuntary pleasured grunt escapes you, realizing he discarded his mask and has his lips locked on your skin. You keep trying to push him off but every time your hands pass through him while his grip against your hair remains solid. You couldn’t figure out how it worked but you were starting to no longer care as he created various bruises along your collarbone. You begin to pant slightly, feeling arousal pool between your legs from how he nibbled against your sensitive flesh. Your mind was slowly fogging over and in your haze you wanna hear his voice again.

“T-talk to me. I wanna hear you s’more”

“And say what, Princess? Tobi isn’t my real name?”

His voice was smooth and intimidating. It made your eyes roll to the back of your head. You lean your face against his.

“Yes, tell me more.” you whisper

“What do you want to hear? That I’m the actual mastermind behind the Akatsuki and you are all my little puppets?”

You begin to lift your leg and wrap it around his waist. Panting from how his baritone tickled your mind.

“or that I’m going to fuck you like a whore right now and turn you into my personal concubine.”

“Yes”

You lunge for his lips, hands clawing the back of his head to pull him into you. You had never been so attracted to a voice in your life. You had no clue what he looked like but you knew he had adorably messy hair and scars on his face. You could feel the tough skin with your lips. He backed you all the way over to your bed and switched places with you so that he could take a seat before pulling you into his lap. 

You straddled him, your heat pressing over his concealed boner, while you feverishly made out with him in the pitch black room. Your kisses left his lips and traveled over the ridges of his face, sucking and breathing on the battered skin he was afraid to show, before you licked a stripe up his cheek. 

He anchored you at your hips and pulled you down on him while he rutted up into you. You cried a needy moan into his ear as your fingers played in his hair. 

“My, my, I think I can make you cum without even touching you. You’ve got yourself all worked up over a little conversation and sitting in my lap.”

You groan at the sound of his voice and begin to grind on him, needing the friction while you kiss his lips. You rub your chest against him as you work yourself up into a frenzy. He reaches behind you, looking for how to take off your shirt when he gives up and opts to rip it off of you instead. 

You let out a small cry, partly in awe of his raw strength but partly because that was one of your favorite tops. 

“I don’t tolerate anything getting in my way.”

“Uh-huh” you agree breathily, cupping his face in your hands, recapturing his lips with yours. As much as you want to keep hearing that velvet voice, you want the lips that form the words to be interlocked with yours. Your arms wrap around his neck as you push your barren chest against his clothed one. His hands explored your soft back. You were glad to feel his fingertips dance over your skin and not his leather gloves. You wondered if you’d get to feel all of him tonight. You could tell how toned he was through his clothes and were dying to lick and nibble his chest. 

“Tobi,” you pant against his face, “please make me cum.”’

He hums and grabs you at your thighs flipping you onto your back and kneeling over you. Your hands continue to explore all over his upper body, running up from his forearms to his biceps, sliding over his delts, and tracing down his traps before sinking your nails into his rhomboids. He grunts into your neck. Arousal puddling in your underwear at the sound. 

You wrap your legs around his waist, lifting your hips and grinding into him some more. Panting and needy, the mystery of him increasing your desire. Tobi grabs the front panel of your skirt and pulls it aside, yanking your panties out of the way. You drag your lips along his jaw. 

One of Tobi’s fingers traces along your slit, collecting some of your slick and smearing it along your sensitive nub hidden within your folds. You twitch from the sudden contact and can feel him smile against your face.

“Someone's sensitive.”

A high pitched “mhm” comes from you as you push your face against his. His thumb casually rubs circles between your legs. Shuddered moans expel into Tobi’s ear as your arms slide back up to Tobi’s neck and wrap around him tightly. He lets a finger slip past your entrance, stroking in and out twice before being joined by a second. 

Your eyes snap shut. He pumps his fingers in and out of you. Your head falls back in pleasure as he scissors you open, playing you like a violin. You squeeze around him, soaking in how it feels to be touched for the first time in over a month. Back in your village you were a menace and well hated but you were never short of male companionship, even if it always ended terribly. Once you officially became a rogue ninja the world was much more lonely than expected. You had imagined it would be different once you joined the Akatsuki but to your own surprise, you didn’t take a lover till tonight. Short of breath you manage to wheeze out,

“Thank you Tobi”

“Good girl, you know your manners.” 

His condescending praise filled you with butterflies when spoken in his bassy tone. You respond by nibbling on his lower lip. You so badly wanted to rip off his clothes but you didn’t dare, too afraid he’d stop. Instead you softly beg into his ear,

“Please shove your cock into me.”

“Of course, Princess. How can I say no when you ask so nicely.”

A small cry of excitement whines past your lips. He darkly chuckles at your neediness. What a sharp turn from the bitch who tried to make a mockery of him by asking him on a date as a joke.

He’d make you pay for that. He intentionally wasn’t pursuing you before but since you sought him out with your farce, now he’d take full ownership of you. You were going to be his property now. He wasn’t talking dirty when he said you’d become his concubine. He meant it. You’d be chained to him, only let off your tether during missions. 

He opens the front of his pants and slips into your quivering entrance, stretching you uncomfortably as he pushed his excessive girth into you. A pleasured wail drew from your mouth.

“What a good girl. Tell me Princess, do you want more?”

“Yes!”

You cry the word. He pulled back slowly just to plunge back in. You sink down into your mattress, getting shoved into it deeper with every inward thrust. It was rough. There was nothing gentle about the way he fucked you. His swollen head pummeled into you, dislocating all your organs. He folded you in half as he pushed in. Your knees found a new home by your ears, his body pinning the backs of your legs, pushing your thighs against your chest. In the darkness he could see the whites of your eyes as they rolled back in your head to look at your melting brain. 

Your mouth was left agape. You were babbling and drooling from his dick dragging in and out of you. You swear you’d never been fucked so good in your life. He brought you to tears on his schlong, pistoning in and out of you. Your nails digging into his back once more.

“Gods damn, Princess!”

Tobi was struggling to maintain his domineering composure. He was losing himself inside of your pussy. It gripped around him tightly. The pink muscle constricted around his member, attempting to milk him before he was ready.  “Eager little fucking slut.”

He husked between thrusts. You body fell limp. You became a rag doll under him. The only part of your body that was tense was your gummy walls which held onto him with a death grip. He pushed his sweaty forehead against yours. Holding the back of your head.

“Fuck this pretty pussy. It belongs to me now. You belong to me. Understand?”

You wished you could’ve answered. You would’ve told him yes. You would've told him that you’d never leave his side. That you’d bend over for him anywhere. You’d wrap around his dick whenever he needed you to. You would willingly degrade yourself in the middle of battle if he wanted. You were addicted to him and you weren’t ashamed to admit it. 

His speed increased. He was about to cum. He brought himself all the way to the edge before he pulled out. 

“Stick out your tongue, Princess.”

You opened wide as he shot his load all over your face and chest. Your body still bent in half; your feet resting over his shoulders. He took the palm of his hand and smeared his fluids all over you. Rubbing the glossy substance into your skin and pushing it into your mouth. You hummed happily which made him melt. He allowed your body to unfold and laid his full weight on top of you, arms possessively threading around your waist and pulling you close. 

You lost your breath. Your mind became a swimming intoxicated mess in his hold. You nuzzled your face further into his shirt while his cum dried on your face and skin. He never undressed. His shirt still on, his pants pulled up. He was a complete mystery to you and now you were invested in solving it. You were his but he was about to be yours just as much. Soon, you’d break him…soon. For now you slept sheltered in his arms.

****************************************************

The next day you both emerge from your room close to noon. The majority of the members of the gang were rough housing together in the common area. All turned still as you came out holding hands with Tobi.

“Holy hell…”

“You two?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!”

You couldn’t bring yourself to make eye contact with any of them and instead chose to look up at Tobi’s mask. Eyes locked on the face you weren’t sure you’d ever see. Tobi though had a far different reaction. A smug idea popped into his sick mind. It was time to show everyone that you had an owner now and he wasn’t going to entertain any of these brutes trying to encroach on his possession. In his childish voice he called to his comrades.

“Look at my new toy everyone!”

He yanked on your hand so that you were whipped around standing in front of him, your back to the room. 

“Y/N, suck Tobi’s cock. hmm?”

“Yes, sir”

It was embarrassing and made your face heat up but you felt your mouth water as you knelt down before him nonetheless. On your knees, you open the front of his robe and untie his pants, pulling out his thick cock.

“What the hell…” you hear Konan behind you in complete disbelief. 

You let his pulsing length rest on your bottom lip while you look up at him. His chest rumbles as you slip your tongue out and under his weighty member before opening wide and sliding him all the way down your throat. He grips your hair with one hand before looking up at the shocked faces around the room.

“Y/N belongs to Tobi now. Look how good she’s taking my dick, slurping on it like a good little pet!”

Lewd gargles and squelching sounds came from your mouth as you bobbed back and forth along his cock. He was humiliating you in front of everyone and it was making you wet for him. Your hand came between your legs to rub yourself.

“Aww how precious. She’s even playing with herself for me. You see that everyone?”

You wanted to die from embarrassment but you couldn’t help yourself. The taste of him is addicting. He had you out of your mind.

“Here Princess, let me help you.”

He brings both hands into your hair and pushes you down on him. He thrusts into you at the same time causing you to gag around him. You hear him grumble in delight. You open your jaw and allow him to plummet all the way in. Throat constricting around his tip as it slips past your vocal cords. You hum in contentment, forgetting about everyone watching you. You close your eyes focusing on him and how he feels in your mouth. One hand rubbing your clit more harshly while the other clutches his thigh. 

Tobi’s facade almost slipped. He felt high from the way your warm mouth closed around him. He had half a mind to say he loved you. He opted instead to cease talking so as not to give away his cover and instead simply grunted as his hips snapped into your mouth. 

The remainder of the room watched in stunned silence at the pornographic scene before them. They watch the orange mask fall backwards, looking up at the ceiling as Tobi was close to cumming. The jealousy Deidara felt had him storm out of the room. Konan had an uncomfortable guilt crawl over her skin but little did she understand, you were in heaven. You whimper as you touch yourself, bringing yourself close to an orgasm. The sounds make Tobi hammer into you faster until you feel his hot spend shoot down your throat. Your walls clench around nothing and you bring both arms to wrap around Tobi’s wait, holding yourself all the way down on him as you hug around his waist. 

Tobi so badly wanted to coo in your ear and praise you. Tell you what a good girl you were but he couldn’t muster his carefree sound. Instead he pulls himself out of you and grabs your wrist. He yanks you back into your bedroom and slams you up against the door with the two of you on the other side. 

“Fuck Y/N, you’re such a good girl for me. Here, let me reward you.”

You mewl for him, your lip quivering at the return of his deep voice. He twists his mask to the side gaining you access to his lips. You pull them into you while he lifts you up, slipping his wet length between your folds and fucking you against the door.

The banging can be heard by the group on the other side, sitting in the common area.

“Shit…it was supposed to be a stupid prank.” Konan confesses. “What the hell happened last night?”

If only they knew…

Masterlist

[buriedpentacles]

Hi! I'm not sure if you've mentioned it on your blog, but I'd love to ask about your relationship with Mother Nature! How do you communicate with her? Are there specific signs that let you know when/if she's reaching out?

I love any excuse to talk more about my great Mother so here's some more on my relationship with Mother Nature:

I initiated the relationship, she didn't "reach out" to me in some special way, instead I chose to worship her. I was struggling with my understanding of the world, of gods and faith, and so I decided to step away from that and worship something real and tangible - that was Nature.

I have always admired nature and the decision to worship it as my deity felt so much more "right" than the other practices I had dabbled in. After a few weeks of offerings, prayers and messy attempts at communication, Mother came to me in a dream and we spoke. I decided I wanted a relationship beyond just worship and she agreed. Over time I have grown in my works with her, and am now a devotee - I have given my life to Mother Nature.

I am a zoology student, my years of study at University are dedicated to Her, entirely.

I spend weekends exploring forests, hiking mountains, cleaning beaches, all in Her name.

My future career, my home, my life will always be intwined with Nature. I will work in natural science education or conservation, I will ensure my home is full of life and I will have a garden if I have space, I will make the best decisions I can to protect nature. I am devoted to Nature not just in a spiritual sense, but in a tangible manner.

There are many facets to Mother Nature, all of them are as beautiful and powerful as the next. She is an impartial judge, an unmoving observer of cause and consequence, she is a cold winter that kills and culls and has no mercy or kindness, she is a beloved mother sheltering those in need, she is a warrior who defends her home. Mother Nature is life and birth, she is spring flowers and slow rivers, she is rot and death, harsh winters and lethal rapids, she is autumn and change, the wind beneath a bird's wings and the gravity that drags it down, she is the summer warmth and dew drops on the grass. She is all of this and more. I have seen her in many forms, from the long haired nymph to the stag-headed mother, from the hooded man to the small child, from the crow and fox, to the maggots and morels. I am grateful to see her in all her cloaks.

I speak with Mother through my tarot cards a lot - I am good at interpreting them, it is familiar and easier for me, she has her own devoted deck. I often use oracle cards in tandem as well. However, Mother Nature is pushing me to communicate with her in more ways. I use charm casting and bone throwing with her, grateful for my new set built from the sheep (?) teeth she gifted me. She also speaks to me in much less obvious ways - I find her messages in the world around me, written on cobwebs and in the needles of thistles, her whispers echo in the rustle of leaves and the crash of waves. I feel her more than I hear or see her, images and visions flashed in my waking and sleeping mind, feelings that aren't mine, conclusions I would not reach, understanding that was previously out of my grasp.

She is all around me and so I never feel like I must reach for her, I need only speak and I know that she will hear me.

This has been quite the tangent and I know its probably not quite what you were looking for - if you think Mother Nature is reaching out to you, or if you desire a relationship with her please send in more asks or dm me!! I would love to hear from any other worshippers or devotees!

[grandlinedreams]

Absolutely adore you’re writing, and it’s been getting me through a rough patch lately. So on that note, I was wondering if you could write Law comforting reader when they have those dark, anxiety-inducing bedtime thoughts? 😅

Hi!! Of course bb -- and if you need someone to talk to, my dms are always open!!

[Heads up!: mention of anxiety/spirals, a panic attack]

When you spend more time beneath the ocean than on land, it's hard to keep a decent sleep schedule. After all, the only way you know the day has passed are the clocks, carefully tended to in order to remain accurate. 

And yet, sleep eludes you. You've tried making sure that you're appropriately worn out, tried tea, reading a book ㅡ nothing helps. No matter how hard you try, aware of the heaviness of your eyelids, sleep won't come. 

To make matters worse, there are your thoughts as of late. At first it'd been the occasional thought, momentary and fleeting, dismissed because you know better than that. But then there'd been more than one, slipping through cracks, widening into wide, yawning chasms until it floods your head, impossible to stop. 

"Can't sleep?" Law's voice makes you jolt, looking up to find him standing in the doorway of the common room ㅡ a small space made cozier for the couch you're curled up on, the short table used for cards and other games during downtime. 

Law watches you nod, arms wrapping tighter around your legs, folded as close to your chest as you can get them. A defense mechanism, one he knows well. He'd be an idiot to not see that something is bothering you, but he isn't sure how to ask. He's not good at this, never has been ㅡ but he still wants to try.

Approaching, he seats himself a small space from you, trying to figure out how to go about this. If he says the wrong thing, you'll only clam up further. 

"...I keep thinking about things I shouldn't." He blinks, looking over when you speak, but you aren't looking at him. Your voice is a soft, fragile thing, barely above a whisper. "About everything that's happened, what to do if something else goes wrong…" Your voice wavers, and you hate it. "And with not being able to sleep, I'm so tired and if something happensㅡ"

Exhaustion causes mistakes. Mistakes get people hurt, get them killed ㅡ and it'll be your fault.

It's a rapid cycle, the tumultuous tumble of your thoughts, each worse than the next. A turbulent sea from which there is no land, dragging you down, down, down ㅡ 

"[Name]." Law's hand is on your back now, his voice solid and urgent as he tugs at you, grip firm to untangle your limbs and ease you towards him. "You need to breathe, [Name]."

You know that, but you can't steady the sharp, shallow gasps, hiccuped breath that makes your head spin. Part of you notes when you're eased into Law's lap, the solid warmth of his chest against your back, long fingers prying yours out of the fists they've curled into and intertwining. 

"Breathe," he repeats, "try to match mine." He sucks in a breath, steady and slow, then exhales in the same manner. It takes you a while to ground yourself enough to do so, the shudder of your body gradually easing until your head is no longer spinning.

Gods above, you're so tired. 

Law watched you relax against him, the tension of your hands in his dissipating ㅡ but he doesn't push for you to get out of his lap. Instead he adjusts to make you more comfortable, one arm against your back and the other slung over your legs.

Cora had once held him like this, the memory of it guiding him on what to do. He isn't Cora, but he's glad that he can offer comfort to you in the same way. 

"Law?" Given the late hour and current situation, he doesn't think to scold you for not addressing him properly. Title doesn't have space here, not like this. He hums, a quiet prompt for you to continue. 

"I'm sorry," you say. "For being like this." 

His grip on you tightens. He knows how to protect his crew from physical dangers, from people who dare to threaten his family ㅡ but it's different when the enemy is your own mind, vicious and cruel with imagined scenarios and plenty of blame to go with it. 

"You have nothing to apologize for." Another tentative step over a careful boundary, the press of his lips to your hair. "From now on, when you feel like this…" He pauses. "Come to me. We don't have to talk about it, but I'd rather you not be alone. Okay?" 

You sigh softly, leaning into him, and Law swears that his heart doesn't do funny things because of it. "Okay." 

[athanasius-symposium-of-writings]

Hear. Me. Out.

Lord of calamity pls. "You belong to me now" prompt with reader who's also part of the COA squad (the survivors) pls?

Hear what? Im in his dms. Im licking his tentacles. Im fucking the outer hp lovecraftian god, anon. Im built different lolol hastur is my wife and i love him to pieces

Rated T | Warning: Lovecraftian themed

Perhaps it is too much to ask of humanity to not embrace the false bliss from the creature who is killing the world, but can you blame them? The pain, the loss, it chips at the soul until there are only shards at the feet of this… Thing. The whispers call it Lord Of Calamity, you find it strange it has a name. If Luchino was… If the professor was here, he would hypothesize this creature has been here before. That is the only reason it has such a grim name.

You fear the others are lost to you. Frederick may not be a pod like the others but he talks nonsense as he seems to offer the thing worship— Praise!

You only escaped the pod because… You are not sure actually. One moment you were in paradise, everything you could ever want but you… You saw through the lies. The deceit and it made you angry.

Humans, like animals, can react violently when there is no way to escape. A fight or flight response but you could only fight. In that paradise you killed someone, then another person, more and more until you woke up screaming and crawling at the pod.

Maskless, your clothing is slimy, and parts of it appear to have been started to be eaten at. You stand by Frederick up at the creature.

It is like looking into the abyss.

And soon the abyss looks back at you.

“Fascinating,” You turn around to see the creature now standing not far from you, it made a version of itself to speak directly with you. “Not many of your kind can escape serenity. This one is curious, was it not to your liking?” Polite.

“My liking?” You stand defensive with one foot in front of you and hands making fists, “That was not real!”

“It is as real as you wish it to be. A paradise of your own making. Were you not satisfied?”

“Paradise is not created from a lie.”

“This one has seen humanity prove otherwise.”

What are you supposed to say? Are you supposed to defend humanity with a battle of words? Which you try to do with everything you have but this creature counters every one of your statements. At one point you fear you might believe that humanity has become a blight upon this earth— No! You shake your head and then look around you, you refuse to let that numb feeling of hopelessness get to you.

“You wish this one harm.”

“I wish to leave.” Looking back at the creature. You move slightly to the side and a tendril from the ground wraps itself around your ankle locking you in place. A tug or two and you glare at the creature.

“This one tries to grant you a painless death. Suffering gives this one no pleasure. A mercy humanity is ill-deserving of.”

You look away then look up at it as it slips close to you suddenly, “Lord of Calamity, have you done this before?”

It is quiet, its hand reaching out to touch your face even though you try moving your head away, “At the pinnacle of your species, this one will consume all. A few will live, chosen by natural selection. The one called Frederick shall be my voice. The one called Luchino will be my enforcer.” The creature is laying out its plans. “The others have no use to me. They may enjoy bliss until they perish.”

“You bastard.” Grimacing at the way the fungal tendril maps out your face. A smooth slime trail and you struggle as more tendrils appear from under you grabbing you.

“This one has not seen your type in many of its lives. Few are granted omniscience, your kind is showing growth between each annihilation and rebirth.”

“What are you talking about?! Let me go!” Fighting your damndest to get out of its hold.

“A birth of a God. A fledgling one but a God nonetheless. You shall create a new world.” So matter of fact, “You belong to this one, fledgling. Once you have matured, you will provide companionship to this one.”

You feel yourself being pulled down like before back into a pod, you scream at it.

“Rest. Dream. Envision the world you will create.”

[scp230kinnie]

Hello so I’m new to requesting so sorry if this is wrong in some way?😭But I was wondering if you could do an emo reader with hunter sylvester?I just read the goth one and it was so cute 😭

WHEN I TELL YOU IVE BEEN WAITING FOR ONE OF THESE REQUESTS AHH

Hunter Sylvester x Emo Reader hcs

I’m not emo, just a little bit alternative so if I get anything wrong please dm me or comment and I will change it as soon as possible

mostly gn😁

Just like all my other ones, he doesn’t really care how you dress.

He would probably make fun of you for your music taste😭

“Sleeping with sirens fucking sucks dude listen to some black sabbath🤓”

(seeing sws live in September don’t kill me😻)

God forbid you’re a Midwest emo (/j) he will not even be in the same room if you’re playing that music

You will definitely have to explain emo to him and give him a good lecture on why emo isn’t “being sad, mcr, and self delete”

He does always love when people can be themselves, so obviously loves you

Ready to defend you at any moment. Someone says or calls you something mean? He will not tolerate nunna that

Watches you sit and take forever to do your hair😭 just like the other one he’ll complain about how long you take

HOT TOPIC IS SO EXPENSIVE but fear not, he will use his dads card to buy you whatever you want from there

thrifting!!! Just like the goth one, he’ll say it’s stupid and talk about how weird wearing other people’s clothes are, but he’ll pay for whatever you buy

If you’re going through t shirts and find a band tee, EVEN IF ITS NOT METAL he’ll still be like “what the hell dude how”

If you beg him enough he might learn some of your fav songs on guitar and play them for you <3

Tell him ur fav energy drink and he’ll buy a weeks worth for you

Maybe he’ll let you wear some of his clothes / accessories 🤷‍♀️

He loves seeing you wearing his stuff

————————————————

Short because tired hope u enjoy😻

[plantmommoonbaby]

I have covid (rant about that later), and to keep my mind from rotting, I'm rewatching IwtV. So, please enjoy

My Delirious Ramblings about Our Favorite Beautiful Vampire Divorcés (pt 1)

Episode 1:

It feels like it means something that went Lestat does the mind control thing, his victims eyes look like his

Uuugh i saw a tumblr post wondering if the widow du Pointe duLac ever convinced herself Louis pushed Paul so she could believe Paul went to heaven and 😭

That means his mother starts to see him as a monster the literal morning he chooses to become a monster

God, if she never subtle accused him, would he even have agreed to Lestat's offer??

Louis talking over what Lestat said to convince him makes me think all he had to say was that he loved him...

I mean... valid since he just lost his mother's love 💔

Episode 2:

Ummm, Louis, why do you have a painting by your grampa??

Armand isn't even acting in this scene, is he? Boy worships Louis

But, like... how is Armand--sorry, Rashid 🙄 being the only staff member who doesn't mask not a dead give away?

Louis's eyes go green when he has blood lust

Tiny buns 💓

I have a hard time believing Louis diets out of compassion when he'll eat a hogtied endangered species...

God bless Grace du Pointe du Lac

You can say you aren't buying in to the killing, Louis... but your eyes are very green...

Oop, Daniel couldn't stay objective while reliving that little dish... this is when the lines start getting blurry

Episode 3:

It has to be a superiority thing, coz the way he ate that poor kitty was brutal...

Daniel has not kiki'd over exes enough and it shows. Louis reeks of missing his ex. You don't point out how obvious it is until after a few drinks and making sure he can't slide into the DMs first...

Ooooh if looks could kill. Our literal green eyed monster damn near drained Antoinette right there... I guarantee the only reason he didn't is because he thought Lestat was going to drain her later

Checking to make sure Lestat is paying attention before making Jonah think about "them old days" 💀 Louis said "fuck around and find out, Daddy 😘"

Jonah, I know a certain European who is cares a whole lot about who you are looking at, and I'm pretty fucking sure he's not gonna be sensible about it...

Louis, you're not you when you're hungry...

Lestat plays fucked up games, but seeing Louis's green eyes and knowing he isn't stable enough to actually restrain himself and then hurting himself to get them all out is actually pretty respectful of his diet...

Lestat wasn't wrong about Louis being a natural... he's just a natural serial killer, not hunter. He has to want to kill his victim...

Louis kicks in one door, his sister sees him as the devil. He kicks in another and Claudia sees him as an angel 😭😭😭 IM NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING

I think I need a nap...

[op81s]

Please tell me you’ve heard Alex talk about attempting to get revenge on Conor for his golf cart prank. I was dying laughing when I first heard it. This man has never ever done anything by half, committed several attempted crimes for failed revenge. He talks about it in the Off Track episode The Failed Key Heist and the 500. I cannot believe he is so casual about it all lmao

i had not heard this episode but oh. my. god. i'm dead. (i have done a deep dive into alex's eventual respone to this prank tho and you can find it here)

tagging @nico-di-genova 'cause this is very much relevant to your alib alex i feel.

my reaction below the cut 'cause it got fucking LONG.

my favorite parts:

hinch: i'm standing in the gym, minding my own business and alex just walks in right behind me, gets really close in my ear and just goes 'you're fucking dead.' + hinch: i was trying to prove my innocence, which he did not believe, it took a full hour for me to convince him to the point where i was having to show him my text messages- he was like an angry girlfriend, he was like 'sHOW ME YOUR PHONE' *alex starts cackling in the background* ... and i was finally cleared in the eyes of- alex: you were aquitted. hinch: i was aquitted in the court of alex.

poor hinchie, his bestie didn't believe him 😭

alex: i'm not gonna explain the way that i found out with complete certainty. tim: wait- why- why not? alex: well, no because- ....screw it i don't like him that much anyway, i was in the engineering office with colton herta.

lol, i'm fully convinced alex doesn't like 3/4 of the grid 😂

alex: i found her on instagram. hit her up in the dm's and said 'hey there, sorry to reach out to you kinda randomly. i really need your help with something, i'm friends with conor and some of the people you know, get back to me asap if you get this'. twenty minutes later she responds like 'hey what's up?' and i send a picture of the golf cart tyres on top of my bus and say 'i'm trying to get conor back for a prank, can i call you?' i call her and i find out when they're going to dinner, where they're going to dinner. i try and get her to see, if when she's in his car, to kinda look for bus keys and we had a whole plan that she was like gonna try and grab them and drop them outside the car. or when she got out she was gonna leave the car unlocked when she got home. so like, she was completely on board. it wasn't really going well, she couldn't find the key initially at all. so i found out conor was going to a resturant, i drove downtown to that resturant, got the valet in on this situation and got him to unlock conor's car while conor was at dinner. ... and the keyes were nowhere to be found, i was crawling through his tahoe for ten minutes, searching for the bus key. could not find them.

THEY WAY HE MANAGED TO DRAG A COMPLETELY INNOCENT WOMAN HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW INTO HIS REVENGE 😂 (which also... does kelly know you slide into random women's dm's alex?? 👀😂) AND A VALET??? just how persuasive are you alex?? 'cause that valet could lose their job???? (okay, they're friends with the valet. that makes more sense...)

cont: so then i decided to drive to his house and i tried to break into his house.

THE CASUAL WAY HE SAID THAT JUST STRAIGHT UP KILLED ME. 'CAUSE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ROSSI???????????????

alex: colton comes up to me and he's like 'i know where conor's bus keys are. they're in his front right pocket.' and i was like '...okay, cool? how would you like me to get those?' and he was like 'i don't know man, just make a mold of them.' and i said 'uhh, you're still not explaining to me how i'm getting the keys out first of all.' and he's like 'just put a bunch of putty in their and make a mold.'

colton...............i can't figure out if you were fucking with alex or if you're just a little dumb

alex: so that night, we were just going to get him back with his golf cart ... but that night, his golf cart was nowhere to be found. so not only was he claiming to be innocent, he felt the need to hide his belongings. and when i say it was nowhere to be found, i mean i had doug boles looking for the golf cart, the president of indianapolis motor speedway. tim: and his step-dad. alex: -and his sted-dad. i had mechanics. hinch: it was a search party. there was an apb out for conor's golf cart and it could not be located on the grounds. alex: nowhere to be found. and then i was like 'okay. we're not going to do it tonight, but his golf cart is gonna be in pitlane on carb day and while he's in the car there's nothing that he's gonna be able to do.' and sure enough, conor was so concerned his golf cart never surfaced and he rode to pitlane with either his teammate or his team owner. he stopped commuting all at once. 'cause he was so concerned about what was gonna happen. tim: he went to such great lenghts to inconvenience himself to stop you from minorly inconveniencing him. you were gonna mess with the golf cart so he was just like. no golf cart!

the way i can just imagine alex going through the entire fucking ims looking for conor's golf cart and roping in everyone around him to look for it too.

tim: i feel like we could do something else to him. hinch: yeah, i mean we could burn his house down but it's attached to other houses so that's risky. alex: so literally- i literally threathened that, i was so mad at him. 'cause he also, on media day took my golf cart key and hid it. and i literally walked by him and said 'i'm literally going to blow up your house.' i was SO PISSED. hinch: ...wait...i though hunter-reay hid your key? alex: well- hinch: hunter-reay took my key. alex: -still gonna blow up conor's house. tim: i think you've admitted to a couple of felonies on this podcast. alex: i mean. whatever at this point.

THIS MAN IS FUCKING BONKERS AND I LOVE HIM 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[minerwarfare-suzuya]

Guess we're back to this Again

¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

I guess this is sad news because Miles will be deleting his blog again and going back to being a private blog without trace.

But why?

Well all I can say that this aged poorly-

But to be fair no one was 100% accepting of his apology. We were all skeptical about his changed ways.

Though I can't deny that I genuinely did think he had changed and was showing proof that he moved past that annoying phase of harassing or bullying artists and users alike.

Boy was I wrong and to think that I had my expectations high. (I didn't)

What went wrong?

Apparently there had been stuff going on behind the scenes...

An artist that I shall not name has been dealing with Miles aggressive behavior directly in the DMs.

Which you would think he wouldn't fuck around and find out after this.👇

But I suppose he decided to fuck around and find out again.

Here's a screen recording of the conversation between this artist and Miles interacting but I've been told that it is best to fast forward onto the 2:33 timestamp.

"Tumblr just gives me bad vibes and i do not understand anything XD"

Yeah, I wonder why...

SURELY it mustn't be the consequences of your actions again.

Yeah, honestly I don't need to sound like a fucken broken record or be on repeat about Miles being a man child. I think it's clear that he went against his word by still being an entitled brat.

Just to also clarify that Miles Guidelines on his pinned post never specified that you cannot do changes to the oc or have them be used in your own AU. It was clearly stated that you can't claim them as your own or discredit their ownership.

But I think what's more upsetting is having the audacity to buy two OCs while knowingly that someone else wanted them.

Honestly at this point

Who gives a fuck? It's like damn me if I do use them or damn me if I don't use them for my own personal preference.

Just the fact that you had shove Mobox87's name to justify your argument and be on your high horse is utterly disgusting behavior!

Especially after apologizing and going back to do the same shit again!

This is exactly why I and many others were skeptical of your apology. We knew that you'd do it again because we all knew you were just itching to go off at someone eventually using Mobox87's OCs in the way that it triggered you.

But GOD forbid that person were ever me to go crazy at drawing characters you bought.

Anyways, I don't need to make this a long post on how this asshole is so disrespectful when I have these posts.

Miles ownership timeline drama

Aftermath Final Response

Plus the video shared is more than enough to get mad and be critical of Miles.

*sighs*

I never said this unironically but I think it will be the first time I say unironically and mean it.

KILL YOURSELF

Edit: Update! Apparently he's staying now-

But he still went against his apology. So, Fuck Miles.

Also-