#does anyone understand these cryptic ramblings?

[crypticauthour]

You know you're onto something narrative wise if you want to formally apologise to your characters

[zeestarfishalien]

I Am Your Dad But Also Not?

[DPxDC Week 2023 Day 7: Clockwork // Accidental Baby Acquisition // Misunderstanding]

• In which, Danny is Richard Grayson from an alternate universe (the dna matches even if all the names and history don’t)

“Papa, hold me!” The words were Danny’s only warning before the bundle of flying child plowed into him. He spun with the momentum, hands quickly gripping the little girl so she didn’t go tumbling away.

Despite her sure and enthusiastic greeting, she was not in fact Danny’s child. Or maybe she is now? He’s starting to get really confused. Apparently he looks and feels like her dad since she’s so clearly attached herself to him. Clockwork’s cryptic smiling is not helpful so he takes his newly acquired magical toddler and leaves.

At least he’s assuming her powers are magic or something. The last time he tried asking something that “obviously papa knows already” she got a look not dissimilar to a sad baby seal. Sad baby seals are not something Danny can resist evidently.

So, asking Clockwork is out and asking the child in question is out. Danny is running out of options and he has half a mind to just assume she’s his child from the future.

Luckily Danny is a genius, maybe not literally but his point still stands.

His idea? Brilliant.

Implementation? Flawless.

Hotel? Trivago.

The little one is outgoing enough that when Danny prompts her to introduce herself to Sam and Tucker (visiting on holiday), she goes off into a rambling of questions and information without even pausing for anyone to answer her questions.

That’s how they learn that she’s Mar’i Grayson and she lives in Blüdhaven most of the time, except when her Papa and Mama go on trips, then she’s stays with Grandpa Alfie and Grandpa B and Uncle Damian, but also sometimes Uncle Damian comes to stay with her and Mama and Papa because he sometimes gets into disagreements with Grandpa B.

She says disagreements in such a careful and proud way that Danny makes sure Sam and Tucker compliment her on her awesome vocabulary.

That just leaves them with the problem of getting Mar’i back to her own home dimension and parents, who are probably worried sick by her disappearance.

Danny really really hopes that Mar’i’s actual dad and mom have such an abnormal life that they might be able to find the infinite realms because trying to find her exact universe from his side of things without Clockwork’s help will be nigh on impossible

He really hopes she’ll recognize her real dad. Danny is not equipped for parenthood.

Or at least not equipped for a toddler. He was able to skip the whole toddler part with Ellie.

Speaking of Ellie and her horrible timing, she has chosen this exact time to get back from her grand adventure aka traveling the worlds and she proceeds to laugh so hard she can’t even stay on her feet. She resorts to floating along behind Danny and Mar’i cackling and occasionally heaving non great gasps of air only to fall back into the laughing cycle once more.

Danny’s shooing motions are ineffective and he’s not about to show a five-year-old the violence or language necessary to get Ellie to go away.

When she finally does stop laughing, she starts snapping pictures at every angle she can imagine. Which is a lot given that she’s a half ghost like Danny. She has yet to let her feet touch the ground but that doesn’t bother Mar’i who seems to have similar ideas about gravity. Her own feet rarely touching the floor as soon as she realized that beings work differently in the zone.

~•~

In the end Danny can only keep the ruse of fatherhood up for a couple of days. Mar’i is no fool even if she is five. She figures him out and she’s not even mad when he explains that he didn’t want her to be scared if she knew she was alone with strangers in a new place like this. Her magnanimous forgiveness is one of the best things Danny has ever experienced. He understands why people have kids now.

At the end of a week with no news from Clockwork and an increasingly homesick Mar’i, Danny takes her back to Clockwork’s tower to demand some action himself or at least get some ridiculous riddle to keep him and Mar’i occupied until the “time is right.”

Clockwork’s smile upon their arrival is bordering on deranged in Danny’s eyes and he hugs Mar’i closer as though to protect her from Time’s hands.

“It is time,” the god says and bangs his staff on the metal flooring of the tower.

Before Danny can demand an answer about that, a portal opens beneath him and both he and Mar’i go tumbling through.

YOOOO by my time, I am not late on any of these prompts (even though they are a lot shorter and more vague than I’d like. Can’t help it with the thumbs being the way they are). But like legit I am proud of myself. Deadlines are a thing I struggle with especially when it comes to writing. But I’m finally getting better with it. Middle school and high school me would both be crying tears of joy rn.

I love that we started with found family fluff and ended with it. Danny and Mar’i are going to have a very lovely and entertaining adventure together. It’ll be great.

[crayistic]

Feeling abit down today for no apparent reason -_-

So I thought i was write a post about last night's CR, so if you arnt caught up there will be SPOILERS ahead for CR3E78.

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Ok so I posted a rant on how I felt after E77 because my mind felt like it was going to explode. I spoke withsomeone about how i was hoping Matt would deal with the situation and as always he went one even better with Ashton rejecting the Shard. In my opinion this episode was brilliant, couldn't have been any better.

Matt having the shard rejected leaves it open to the possibilities of the emperor and empress storyline and if Fearne does choose to accept it, I'm still so excited to see a more powerful version of her, plus I think she deserves it. I know alot of people are getting feels about the fact that she said she didn't want it, but to me i don't feel like she doesn't want the shard. I feel like she doesn't want the possibility of turning evil and the fear of the shard being a catalyst of that is why she doesn't want it. However in the end if she accepts that and still chooses not to have it, then for sure fukl support.

The way Ashton dropped his guard, took responsibly for his selfishness and just down right shitty behaviour wad the best way to go for me. Don't get me wrong, doesn't change that he did a shit thing but I really can't think of a better way Tal could have played it. I still think Ashton is cryptic with the way he speaks sometimes but I do feel like I fully understand where he is coming from. When one of then said to him about being power hungry and he said it wasn't about that it's about being whole, I was sat there watching and said those exact words just before he said them. There is still alit of work to do, but being humble and accepting that gives me alot of hope. I'm looking forward to more conversations between him and fearne to explore what happened more.

Now Chetney... man I bow down to you sir. I adore this little man so much and he really stood out to me this ep so I just wanted to give him some appreciation aswell as laudna and the doll she made for Ashton. They all keep saying how broken they are, but it still doesn't really feel like they know and accept how actually broken you can be. The way Imogen has some crazy immeasurable power yet in the moment Laudna ran off she looks so powerless... one of the best things i enjoy so much watching CR is Laura when she is completely in character but sat there, not interacting with anyone at the time, however you can see her going through the motions. Just brilliance.

I'm just rambling now, this isn't very well put together lol but after last week I just felt like I wanted to say this episode was perfect to me, I love how it went and I can't wait for the next!

[thrashkink-coven]

My Skepticism and my Faith

Above is a video of my Lord Lucifer showing himself to me by manipulating a candle flame after receiving an offering. I love when they show up like this. It’s always so special. The light of Eosphoros is magnificent! Ave Lucifer! 🖤🖤🖤

I now have permission to share this video.

I actually wanna use this post to talk about something I don’t see talked about enough. Enjoy my high magical ramblings friends.

The various entities that I have had the opportunity to work with throughout my life have taught me different things. I started my magical journey from a extremely sceptical standpoint. I have always been intrinsically drawn to the occult and magic in general, but being that I am a very logical person, I saw my craft more as a hobby rather than any kind of real spiritual hoo ha.

As I’ve continued to study and practice and learn, I try to remain skeptical in everything that I do. I will say that I truly do believe that my experiences are what I perceive them to be, but a healthy amount of skepticism is essential for magick work, at least it has been for me.

Sometimes though, I will admit, there are times that I have experienced things that have scared the shit out of me. Things that, if I were not literally trying to talk to angels Gods and daemons, would freak me the fuck out.

Jophiel was extreme with that. The time in my life that Jophiel really began to reveal himself to me was a bewildering time. Jophiel essentially haunted me for months with incredibly cryptic and detailed dreams, and I legitimately thought I was losing my mind. Not in a funny way. Jophiel never aggressed me, but having to actually sit and think “it’s actually like, real, like really real,” is something unlike anything else. I think it’s essential.

It was certainly essential for my path with Lucifer. Eosphoros is active and responsive, more so than even Jophiel. He is present in the space and does things that are very inexplicable. He blows my mind every day.

My magic can’t be done half heartedly. Jophiel knew that, I can’t question the legitimacy of my spells if I want them to manifest. They do manifest, they always have. If I really wanted to develop as a real practitioner, a witch, or anything else, I’d have to stop wondering if I was one. When real shit starts happening, we can’t run to turn the lights on or blow the candles out. I can’t always afford to be surprised and in disbelief, Jophiel needed me to fast forward through that. Angels are fucking intense, don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. They will force you to improve yourself, they will hammer the message home.

Since being in contact with Jophiel, I have gained and somewhat developed the ability to “feel” magick. To know and understand what it feels like when spell work is active, when things are actually happening. I could name off a number of things that I believe I can do, -I can manifest things into the world and I can observe energy- but there is no true tangible way that I can connect all of what would atheistically be regarded as “coincidences” from someone else’s perspective. And me just saying “I know what I felt and saw” is not scientific, not at all.

That “feeling” is unreliable, not because it is inaccurate, but because it cannot be proven or studied like a science - (I suppose witchcraft is the science of studying this in itself). That is faith. Faith is in my opinion like a personality trait that some people just have or can develop, but that you can never truly convince someone to have it if their own experiences do not support it.

Anyways fast forward to this video. I did a very long ritual with Lucifer and offered him some vodka, roses, and chocolate. I felt him wafting in the room like a warm sea of dark chocolate, I could tell he was very pleased and I was very happy :)

I asked him to make himself known to me, which is what I always say when I want an entity to give me some real world sign they are in my space. I always always hear a crow caw outside of my window when Faviel is near my space. I swear on my life.

Lucifer is very active in fire (as is Faviel) and this normal dollar store tea light started doing this as soon as I asked him to reveal himself. It was immediate. I added maybe 3 buds of lavender to the top just to be cute, but I burn candles that way all the time and they don’t do this. It was so much more magnificent in real life, it flowed like water. The camera doesn’t nearly do it justice. Seemed like a huge flame, but the table underneath and above it weren’t burned at all, weren’t even singed. I felt the way I did the first time I ever contacted Lucifer.

My immediate thought was “omg omg, I have to get this on camera!” (bad move) The skeptic in me said that the fire was just really hot, but could not deal with the responsiveness of the flame, the witch in me knew it was him. For some reason I felt like capturing it on film would satisfy both sides of me.

So I made an oopsie, I immediately whipped out my phone and started recording without asking permission. My phone shut off, didn’t die, just went black. I was like wtf, so I turned it back on… and tried recording again. My camera froze and started to glitch, my phone shut off again. I was like wtf?! so I turned it back on again and recorded the second part of that video. Still reeling and in disbelief I immediately tried to send it to a friend of mine who is also a witch on Reddit. REDDIT SHUT OFF, now I’m more concerned by how crazy that is than I am by how much I’m fucking up.

So I immediately try to text my friends about it on instagram, INSTAGRAM SHUT OFF, I’m like WHAT. SO I turn instagram back on and try to send the videos to my friend. INSTAGRAM SHUT OFF AGAIN.

The video you’re watching is a screen record of the original two videos because the original files cannot be shared. Viewing them also makes my phone shut off.

SO I ran to my homie’s room (because we’re roommates) and was like I need to show you this video before my phone explodes! (SUCH A BAD MOVE WHAT WAS I DOING)

DO NOT EVER DO THIS

Okay firstly always ask for permission to share the details of your deity work ok. But also, not only did I completely violate Lucifer’s trust, but I also insulted his very existence by trying to “prove” that he was there. He was there, right in front of me being amazing and I was more concerned with capturing it then marvelling in and appreciating it. BAD MOVE!!

We later had a really long conversation about it which was good, I got a very very stern talking to. Lucifer is luckily very forgiving and understanding of human clumsiness, but he advised me that others might not be so forgiving. So learn from my foolishness friends.

Jophiel’s role in my spiritual journey has a lot to do with accepting faith, and I understand why now. He and Faviel both lead me to Lucifer, Jophiel also lead me to Azrael, these are not entities that have much patience to entertain indecisiveness. They are enemies of stagnation. Don’t invite someone into your house and then deny them a seat because you think they don’t exist. This is not a principle of worship, this is a principle of respect.

This is all a really long and convoluted way to say at some point I have to get over my skepticism and embody what I say I’m doing. If I freak out and lose my shit every time an entity starts actually doing stuff I’m gonna be a very exhausted little guy.

Lucifer was gracious enough to let me share this experience, he did not have to be. He is an illuminator of knowledge and wants me to turn my mistakes into lessons, so here’s one.

[venigni]

Real question: did Venigni already have a daddy kink or P made him develop it?

Okay, so real talk...I don't think Venigni's ever had a serious relationship. Like, he was super busy and probably way too engrossed in his work--inventing new tools for stalkers, making and understanding puppets, running the Venigni family empire--to have time for it. Plus he hates high society charades, anyway, so I doubt he'd've had any real romantic interest in the circles he had to run in. I headcanon he spent most of his rare spare time with those he considered close friends and family. Which leaves even less time for intimacy. When you're under as much stress and pressure as he is, thirsting doesn't come easy to the body or mind.

And then P comes around, who is not just unique because he is a puppet with an awakened ego--Venigni is quite familiar with that phenomenon, actually--but is also this amazing, stoic protector that nothing seems to thwart. Who seems to actually, genuinely care.

P saves Venigni and comes to his rescue, both spiritually and literally. And in addition to all he does to save Krat, he talks to Venigni often and brings him many cryptic vessels to decode so that he doesn't go stir crazy. During these little moments, they get to talking. It isn't much, obviously, because P is pretty quiet, but Venigni seems to cherish these times. As they get closer and Venigni feels comfortable enough to open up about his past, I honestly can't imagine him not falling hard for P. Because P is unlike anyone he's ever met in the exact way folks falling in love always describe the indescribabe way that other person is "not like other guys."

All that being said, I think the daddy kink mostly stems from P. And I think Venigni likes it because P likes it. I think he would like anything that pleases P because he's shown time and time again throughout the game's story that he's very much a giver. He wants to serve, he wants to give, he wants to help in any way he can. It satisfies him to satisfy his partner. That's his true love language, all his rambling and excessive praise aside. This happens to also fall right into the tropes of Daddy kink: P might be the protector of the world, but Venigni is the protector of P.

TLDR: I think P unintentionally gave Venigni a daddy kink. 😂

[andro-dino]

Ramble about kyonile and kyohyotsu

OURGHH MAN WHERE DO I EVEN START

kyonile make me SICK to my fucking stomach bc of how perfect they are for each other. I rlly do not draw them enough anymore and that is a crime bc I love them so much. I feel like a broken record the way I talk about the same things with them every time BUT ITS BC THOSE THINGS ARE THE THINGS THAT KEEP ME INSANE. it’s the way they instantly get along with each other and match each others energies so well. the way nile so quickly earns Kyoya’s respect and how quickly Kyoya opens up to him. the fact that Nile is so instantly able to understand the way Kyoya works and what goes on in his head better than like anyone else. Their mutual respect for each other and the fact that they can bounce off of each other so well and that their relationship is completely equal at all times is so important to me. both of them are so in tune with each other and hold so much pride and respect for the other they make me insane. I actually really like that they don’t really ever bicker or get into arguments bc it’s really just a testament to how well they know each other and mesh with each other. I like to think that Kyoya is far more willing to listen to Nile than anyone else, even if Nile says the same things as someone else. Like, if anyone else were to tell Kyoya to settle down or smth he would snap so hard at them, but if Nile were to, he might actually consider it. On Nile’s end, I like to think he’s like, a walking Kyoya translator. If Kyoya does some really wack aloof thing that makes someone pissed off and/or confused, Nile’s the first guy to be like “ah no that’s actually just his way of showing gratitude. yeah he’s just like that sometimes.” Whenever I think about them in a romantic light, I always like to think that their relationship would go exactly the same way as their friendship. Just an instant, mutual understanding that doesn’t need to be spoken out loud to be understood. I hc kyoya as not being really open to physically affection most of the time but out of all his partners, Nile’s the one he feels the most comfortable being affectionate with. It just feels so easy and natural when they’re together, it’s nice. When he’s not doing that though, he tends to be a lot more abstract and beat around the bush a lot when he’s trying to show his love and that just kinda makes Nile smile and laugh at him for being stupid. Overall, they’re nice I like them a lot <3

AND KYOHYOTSU. OURGHHHHHH KYOHYOTSU 💞💞💞💞💞

Literally the biggest brain ship I’ve ever thought of I was a genius for that. Their dynamic is so special to me I just I just I just. There’s so much to it man. Initially it started focused on Kyoya’s dynamic with the other two. Tsubasa and Kyoya are just. like. so fucking gay man. they make my brain hurt. The way their relationship starts with animosity and conflict and how it develops just drives me so wild. A lot of Tsubasa’s conflict in fusion with other characters comes from how focused he is on his mission and how much tunnel vision that ends up giving him. His seriousness develops into a kind of closed-off-ness and self isolation that makes him so hesitant to build genuine connections with others, but at the same time he cares so much for the safety and well being of others, though goes about showing it in very cryptic ways. Kyoya meanwhile, is very straightforward and all guns blazing when it comes to a lot of things and he never hesitates to show his drive, and that contrast is what makes their conflict in battle bladers so interesting to me. Tsubasa tries so hard to try and take a kind moral high ground(??) for lack of a better term, and Kyoya just absolutely is not having any of it. Despite his aggression towards Tsubasa in that moment, he’s very clearly fueled by his intense, burning passion and his drive, and that just lights a spark in Tsubasa. Kyoya is what completely changes Tsubasa’s perspective on beyblade and what ends up lighting a greater fire and passion in him that very clearly changes Tsubasa and opens him up more and it’s so important. The way that Tsubasa ends up gaining Kyoya’s respect afterwards by showing that change and how their relationship feels so much tighter because of it is so good. The way Tsubasa teases Kyoya and the way Kyoya stands by Tsubasa’s side and openly shows his support for him is just so pivotal and shows just how quickly their relationship has grown. They’re so different yet exactly the same and both of them being out so much in each other that is so important for both of them. Their rivalry and interactions bring out so much in each other and is clearly a positive driving force for them both which continues to be shown afterwards and their connection means so much to me. Their romantic dynamic has so much potential to be both incredibly sweet and endearing and extremely fucking stupid. They’re both dorks and losers who bring out the best in each other and ignite each others competitive spark which really is like the pinnacle of romance in beyblade terms but also that connection is just so. aurgh. aurghhhh <3333. Them supporting each other and taking care of each other in their own own cryptic ways is such a sweet dynamic and the ways they care about each other is just so important. I think they would have their moments of grinding each others gears, which I think just comes when they’re similar in the specific ways they are, but in the end they really do just care about each other so much. I really like to think that their relationship is built on a lot of wordless and indirect affection, both of them I think would show their love a lot more thru actions than anything else, and the little things they do for each other just instantly make sense to the other when they happen. It’s their own little way of communicating that only works because it’s these two specifically.

Kyohyo on the other hand make me want to throw both of them against the wall. THEY ARE SOOOOOOO SILLY AND STUPID AND DUMB AND LAME I HATE THEM SO MUCH 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 Honestly i started thinking about them so much bc they’re just so funny together. Both of them are so jealous of each other at first bc of both of their relationships with Gingka and it’s so funny the way they’re both like seething silently with rage. Tbh all of this is making me want to rewatch fusion bc it’s been a minute and I need to reinject them into my veins. Them going from hating each other at first to whatever the hell they’ve got going on afterwards is really entertaining to me and I care about them deeply. I think it’s really fun to look at it from Hyoma’s perspective specifically bc I feel like even tho he was hiding it with a lot of his weirdoness, he was very clearly very jealous but despite that, he still ends up bonding and growing closer with the main gang and being good friends with them, and so his aggression towards Kyoya quickly growing into endearment and affection and how he would end up reacting to that development is really interesting. Then on Kyoya’s part, I can just imagine the confusion when Hyoma starts being friendlier and more affectionate and he is just not at all prepared for it. In general i love the potential dynamic of them still occasionally lightheartedly beefing with each other and Hyoma being able to confuse and fluster Kyoya in a way no one else can.

My love of both of these ships is what initially made me think “but what if all three of them held hands” and it only got worse from there. They also ended up making me love hyotsu a lot bc I didn’t initially realize how good they are together. There’s kind of an angsty aspect to it with them both being such uniquely lonely characters who tend to hide what they’re really thinking, but I think that could really bring them together. I really like to think of them specifically as a really sweet and affectionate duo. I think of Tsubasa as someone who craves affection but doesn’t know how to go about receiving it, while Hyoma has so much love in his heart that he needs to share, and that combined makes them very sweet to each other. I think that can kinda go a lot for the trio in general, where Hyoma is usually the one initiating and Tsubasa and Kyoya go about receiving that in their own kinds of ways. There’s a lot of ways you can take their dynamic and I really love that about them. One thing that I really enjoy is that, despite the fact that I do love overly affectionate and sappy relationships in shipping, I also think when you have characters like these guys it’s interesting to explore the alternative ways they would experience romance bc I don’t think it’d be like that all the time. I really like doing this with Kyoya specifically, bc he’s definitely not one to show his affection openly and I think he would need his space a lot, but thinking about the alternative ways he can show he cares without being super openly affectionate is really nice. I think one of the biggest things for him would just be accompanying his partners in different ways. I’ve kinda mentioned these before but little things like walking with them when they have to go run errands and things, staying nearby while they’re cuddling even if he’s not in the mood for it himself, little encouraging comments and observations, just a bunch of different things that while not super obvious, are important shows of affection coming from Kyoya. Another angle I really like to take with these three is a kind of hurt/comfort focusing on Hyoma and his loneliness, and how they both amplify and quell that. I’ve written a fic about this concept that I’m still actually pretty proud of (cough cough shameless promo) and it’s just an idea I’ve thought about a lot. The loneliness part kinda just comes free with Hyoma’s character but taking it in the angle of him in a relationship, i just think it’s really interesting thinking about how much love he has for his partners and how much time he wants to spend with them that he often can’t because of how much they’re separated. Him constantly being tied to Koma while they can never be tied down at all creates a long distance relationship that just is constantly highlighting how isolated he tends to be sometimes. Though they combat this by visiting as much as they can, and every available moment, both of them make sure to love him and reassure him that they’re there for him and that they always will be and support him as much as they can and that’s just is something I think he would really need. I love all of them so dearly and they make me so incredibly sick with how cute they are together. Thank u for giving me this opportunity to be insane <3

[iheartmoons]

every year my school holds an optional writing competition and if you win you get money (cough which i won last year cough) and this year, i cryptically wrote marauders fanfiction and the school doesn't know 😭 but i'm genuinely proud of it, so i'm posting it here for yall to see! the prompt we had to go on was: be bold.

(by the way, i listened to "did you know there's a tunnel under ocean blvd" while writing this, if anyone cares)

Mary is broken, cracked and peeling and falling apart. Looking back, she thinks she was foolish to give up like that. She is still breathing, still living, still here to grieve. Is that a good thing?

All her friends have thrown themselves into war, thrashing and violent. That is what happens to kids. You breed them in a wartime, they will run from peace. Mary didn’t though.

Be bold. That is what her mother always told her. Be bold enough to take what you need, to run from pain. Her mother had told her that, sometimes, the boldest thing to do is to lay down your armour. That is what Mary did. She laid down her armour and begged for life.

Her friends did not understand her at the time, said that she was a coward to cower from war, but they are lost now. That is what happens with war. It sweeps away the kids, like a tide collecting the litter along shore, engulfing and perpetual.

She collects the mugs from her coffee table, moving slowly over to the sink and washing them. This is what happens after war. What then, after the blood and the grief and the stench of death, happens? What, when the rest must go home and carry on as though the soldiers are just old myths of the battlefield, happens? Do they grieve? Do they move on, keep living? Or, when war takes a soldier, does it take the village down too?

Stuck to the fridge, there is a year old post-it-note from Emma that tells her to pick up the balloons for a birthday party. How strange to see it now, when they are all gone. Their memory haunts her; they left themselves in abounding details, so ingrained in her that she can’t shake it. They stick like sand on her skin, or like the scent of rain after thunder has been driven out.

An ache caves inside her chest, carving her out until she is a bleeding mess. What does it mean to be bold? Does it mean to hurt, to do the bravest thing? Well, her friends are wrong. Her friends told her that the boldest thing was the fight for the right cause, but what do they mean by that? On either side, the leftovers must collect themselves, write eulogies for no-one who will listen, and live on in the resounding absence. When you have been preparing your whole life for war, listened to the missiles as they lull you to sleep, or listened to the ramblings of older men who point your moral compass, is it really bold to fight? Do you point your spears and learn the name of the person who you pierce? Would you kill them, really, if you knew?

Mary had begged at their feet not to leave her. She had promised that the bravest thing to do, when everyone screams their war cries, is to want to live on. It is hard to die for a cause you think is right. It is harder still to live through it.

On the news, the man calls their sacrifices ‘courageous’. They cheer for them, they wear black, they take two minutes, but what else? Do they stop the guns, or the bombs, or the deaths? Do they take down the posters before it is too late, before children are getting sucked into the glory of war?

Be bold, her mother tells her. On the other side of the room, she picks up the teddy bear, which is yet to be battered. It is brand new. She walks over to the bin and drops it in.

Be bold, except now she is bruised and broken. Except now, her friends have died and no longer have to hurt. It is a mercy, really. She selfishly wants to be them. Among the debris, she comes up burnt. She curses them in bed, curses them with every breath that she inhales and exhales. Every one is careful, knowing that they have none left. Staring up to her ceiling, she doesn’t hear their voices or get their calls. She held them funerals weeks ago, but no one came. She read out their eulogies, by the graveyard, in her loveliest black dress, and the only one to hear her was the woman by the grave opposite. The other woman didn’t care – she was too busy mourning. And who do they mourn? Do they mourn their friends, or the absence of them? Do they curse the violence of war, or the damage it leaves behind? Is it selfish? How can it be, she thinks to herself, bunching the duvet in her fists, there is no one else left to consider.

Perhaps putting down her weapons has done her more hurt than good. Perhaps, in the end, it was the futility of their anger, the burning inside them that had been extinguished by one mighty tidal wave, that frustrates her. In wartime, you must make rash decisions. They had ridiculed her for not taking the side of a leader they could barely trust. But that is it, isn’t it? In war, the only thing you can do is put blind faith in a person who might ruin you. You lay down at their feet and say: use me. That is what a soldier is. A weapon to throw across the battlefield, measuring just where they sink and thinking, oh well, we’ll do better next time.

Why does it go in circles? Why, when one generation has been lost in the hungry winds, will the next pick up their swords and fight the same battle?

Be bold, she will tell them, but they won’t listen. They will go in, hungry for violence and glory and flesh and blood. Sometimes, she thinks, when you are so ready for combat, the boldest thing to do is to let yourself cry.

[ashbye]

🌈Hello everyone! I know its been a while but I have finally decided to start writing this! I've been pretty busy so I apologise for not getting this out sooner. I've also just not had a lot of motivation to write things at the moment. Either way I hope you enjoy the story. I just finished watching The Witcher season 2 so I will hopefully be as accurate as I can. This is a part 2 request from @chocotacobread by the way! So thank you to them for it! By the way I just watched Avatar: The Way of Water and my Avatar phase has been rekindled so I might write about that. I literally watched the first Avatar when the movie came out in theaters. Anywho here we go!

Warnings: swears, implied smut, make out

This is the link for part one: part one

Reunited at last Pt.2 - Geralt x f!reader

It had been a long journey so far for the three of you. After learning of Yennefer's death Geralt wasn't sure how to feel, she was a good friend of his. Along with killing monsters and protecting Ciri some new found feelings were starting to surface. You had never told anyone of course, especially not Geralt. The fear of losing what was just rekindled was too overpowering.

Ciri had started to become suspicious of Geralt and you. She had grown tired of watching you two dance around each other. So, she did what she thought was best, and took it into her own hands.

The plan was to simply stir up some realizations in the both of you. She decides that opportune moment for her plan to come into action is now. You were currently collecting wood for a fire while Geralt and Ciri were setting up camp for the night.

Ciri couldn't wait any longer. "You seem quite close to Y/n, don't you think Geralt?" Ciri asks him and after a moment silence he looks to her with a questioning eyes. "I suppose. Why?" She looked away from him towards the blanket she was laying out. "I don't know it's just that you seem fond of her and if I've seen correctly she is quite fond of you to." Geralt stopped what he was doing and quickly turned his head to her.

"What do you mean by that?" Ciri was struggling to hide her smirk as she responded "Oh just you know." Geralt's eyes narrowed and his brows furrowed. "Ciri.." he said in a low tone. Deciding to leave it at that, Ciri got up and started walking off. "I'm gonna go check and see if there are any bags left on roach."

Geralt stared at her back as she walked away. What she said circled his mind and he tried to figure out what ever that cryptic sentence meant. Coming up with nothing, he sighed and set back to work.

It was this moment when you came back with stacks of wood under your arms. You set them down and looked at the two of them. "What's got you two so quiet?" Ciri shrugged and Geralt only responded with his signature hum and continued with his work.

The next day you and Ciri were packing up your things onto Roach with some small talk. Ciri decides that now was the time to subtly drop her observations into the conversation. "So, you and Geralt huh?" You looked to her in slight bewilderment. "What about me and Geralt?"

"You two just seem very near and dear to each other. What's that all about." You looked back to Roach for a moment before returning your eyes to Ciri. "I suppose we are but I don't understand what you mean by that." Seeing your confusion Ciri was going leave it and you figure it out for herself. She laughed off the question, "I think you know what I mean." You scoffed and looked away. "If you mean to say that I love Geralt than you are far off. He's merely a good friend of mine.-" As you continued to ramble off about how the two of you were just friends Ciri nodded her head and walked off.

You sighed as Geralt came over to you. "What are you rambling about?" You jumped slightly and held a hand to your heart "Shit! We have got to put a bell on you! No matter how large and muscular you are does not mean I can you hear you walking up to me!" Geralt smirked at you and apologized before asking his question again. "Oh nothing, it was just something Ciri said. You know how she is."

"Everyone seems to think I know everything these days it seems." You chuckled at his words and nodded. "Yes well you are the intelligent white wolf, are you not?" He narrowed his eyes and responded "Don't patronize me." You gasped in fake offense as he did his hum of a chuckle. "Me? Why I would never!" You smiled at him as you felt a warmth bubble in your stomach.

You hid your face away in hopes he wouldn't notice you're racing heartbeat. But being a witcher Geralt noticed it right away. He felt a sense of pride overcome him from the realization that he did that to you. Neither of you could tell exactly why you were having these feelings but you could conjure up a guess.

You cleared your throat as started to step back. "We should head out, I'll grab Ciri." Geralt nodded and watched as you walked away your cape flowing behind you.

It was night when you finally stopped at an inn. Geralt wanted to camp in the forest nearby but Ciri begged him to stay in the inn. You were the voice of reason in this situation saying it might be a good idea to have at least one night in an actual bed. Plus you had just enough coin in you pocket for rooms, meals, and housing for Roach.

So here you were at the counter paying for a stable for Roach and two rooms. One for Ciri and one for you and Geralt. As the two of you walked in your shoulders slouched. Geralt looked inside and let out a mumbled "Fuck." You specifically asked for your room to have two beds but there was a mix up and ended up only having one.

"Well there's nothing we can do about it now." You sighed and set down you bag on the small table inside. Geralt walked behind you and set his things down as well. There was a thick tension in the room. It felt as if Geralt's sword wouldn't be sharp enough to cut through it.

You decided to bring up what Ciri said to you earlier that day. "So, Ciri was asking me something this morning." Geralt hummed in response to show he was listening as he was taking off his armour. "She was asking me about how we're so 'near and dear to each other'." Geralt looked to you with furrowed brows.

"And what do you think she means by that?" You glanced at him and sighed while picking at your knife holster. You weren't sure how to respond at this point. Maybe being blunt was the best option in this case. "She's probably talking tension or something like that."

If he was being on honest, Geralt was surprised she even wanted to talk about this at all. Considering how long they've held it off for. His jaw clenched in response as he searched for the correct path to take in this situation. Just as Y/n had thought, maybe being blunt was best.

"I think she might be right." You looked to him with a slight smirk and said "Oh do you?" He gave a light hum as he stared at you, as if that one hum would answer all your questions. You decided to tease a bit to see how far he could go before snapping.

"If you think Ciri is so right, then why don't you prove it to me?" Surprise was evident in his eyes while his face conveyed nothing. No emotion at all. "And how would I do that?" He asked you after a beat of silence. You took a step closer to him. So close you chests were mere centimeters apart. His warm breath ghosted across your cheeks as you gazed into his eyes.

"I think you know exactly how to prove it to me." It only took a second before he lurched forward and placed his lips onto yours. You couldn't describe how it felt in simple words. The kiss felt like pure poetry. It felt like breathing in fresh, forest air. It felt like sitting by the fire with a drink warming the depths of your soul. It was an experience entirely new yet familiar.

You never wanted it to end but the need for oxygen became too overpowering. Your lips pulled away and took in as much air as possible before going right back in. The first kiss was soft and sweet but now, it felt firm and passionate. His tongue lightly grazed your bottom lip asking for entrance. You willingly gave it to him.

Your mouths were partaking in a fiery dance of yearning. Hands gripped at clothes and exposed skin. It didn't even register in your mind that you were being lifted up until your legs rested around his waist. Geralt slowly walked to the bed, laying you down on your back and towering over you.

Before it could go any further though you pushed him away, wanting to make one thing clear. "Geralt, I love you." You panted out with what little air you had. He rested his forehead on yours taking a moment to bask in your words. "I love you too." He grumbled out before slowly taking you lips again.

All throughout the night you and Geralt proved to each other just how much you loved the other. Passion fell through the air until the sun peeked over the horizon. As the light fell into the room, you and Geralt lay in bed with your head on his chest and his arm around you resting on your hip. Your hand drew circles into his skin as you both basked in the afterglow.

You sat up on your elbow with your arm still on his chest. He looked into your eyes as a smile spread across you face. You hand reached up and lightly grabbed his jaw to connect his lips to yours. It was a light kiss that said all that needed to be said in that moment.

From then on the both of you had only grown closer and you promised to stick by each other's side no matter what. That night changed your lives for the better and you're so glad that Ciri had finally grown impatient enough to push you two together. After all it was about time you and Geralt had a proper reunion.

🌈There you go! I hope you enjoyed sorry it took so long!

[arklay]

tagged by @florbelles @leviiackrman @nuclearstorms @liurnia @morvaris & @swordcoasts to do this – thank you all, ily guys so so much! ♡

tagging: @aartyom @brujah @camelliagwerm @cultistbase @denerims @faarkas @indorilnerevarine @montliyets @reaperkiller @risingsh0t @shadowglens @snowthroat @solasan @steelport @trvelyans @virassan @voerman @windupcharibert @wrymbloods & anyone else who'd like to do this! ♡

OC SPEECH MANNERISMS.

— BASICS.

NO. OF SPOKEN LANGUAGES: 1 / 2 / 3+ [fluent in english, russian and french; proficient in swahili; knows conversational mandarin and japanese]

TONE OF VOICE: high / average / deep [gets higher when she is rambling and talking about something she is passionate about]

ACCENT: yes / no [cultivated australian]

DEMEANOUR: confident / shy / approachable / hostile / other [comes off as distant and haughty to most people]

POSTURE: slumped / straight / stiff / relaxed [relaxes around people she is comfortable with, which is like two people]

— HABITS.

head tilting / swaying / fidgeting / stuttering / gesturing / arm crossing / strokes chin / er, um, or other interjections / plays with hair or clothing / hands at hips / inconsistent eye contact / maintains eye contact / frequent pausing / stands close / stands at a distance

— COMPLEXITY.

VOCABULARY: ⚫⚫⚫⚫⚫

EMOTION: ⚫⚫⚪⚪⚪

SENTENCE STRUCTURE: ⚫⚫⚫⚫⚪

— PROFANITY.

FREQUENCY: ⚫⚪⚪⚪⚪

CREATIVITY: ⚫⚫⚪⚪⚪

BOLD ALL THAT APPLY.

arse / ass / asshole / bastard / bitch / bloody / bugger / bollocks / chicken shit / crap / cunt / dick / frick / fuck / horseshit / motherfucker / piss / prick / pussy / screw / shit / shitass / son of a bitch / twat / wanker

— THIS OR THAT.

straightforward or cryptic? / finding the right word or using the first word that comes to mind? / masculinity, neutrality, or femininity? / formalities or with abrasiveness? / praise or equivocation? / frankness or lies? / excessive or minimal hand gestures? / name-calling or magnanimity? / friendly or blunt?

— IMPORTANT QUESTIONS.

DO PEOPLE HAVE A HARD TIME HEARING OR UNDERSTANDING YOUR CHARACTER? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never [i would've said rarely but she will use scientific terms when she doesn't need to because she's pretentious]

DOES YOUR CHARACTER'S POINT COME ACROSS EASILY WHEN THEY SPEAK? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never

WOULD YOUR CHARACTER INITIATE CONVERSATIONS? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never [she would rather not engage in conversation if she can avoid it, but if she has it's because she either wanted something from the person or deemed them worthy of her attention]

WOULD YOUR CHARACTER BE THE ONE TO END CONVERSATIONS? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never

WOULD YOUR CHARACTER USE 'WHOM' IN A SENTENCE? yes / no / only ironically

YOUR CHARACTER WANTS TO MAKE A COUNTERPOINT, WHAT WORD DO THEY USE? but / though / although / however / perhaps / mayhaps

HOW DOES YOUR CHARACTER END CONVERSATIONS? walk away / ask if that's everything / say that's everything / give a proper goodbye / tell their company they're here / remain quiet / they don't [she will walk away in the middle of someone talking to her (she doesn't care), but if it is someone she works with and must show some level of respect to because of their position, she will announce her leave before doing so]

WHAT SOCIAL CLASS WOULD OTHERS ASSUME YOUR CHARACTER BELONG TO, HEARING THEM SPEAK? upper / middle / lower

IN WHAT WAYS DOES THE WAY YOUR CHARACTER SPEAK STAND OUT TO OTHERS? accent / vocabulary / tone / level / politeness / brusqueness / it doesn't

— BASICS.

NO. OF SPOKEN LANGUAGES: 1 / 2 / 3+ [fluent in tamrielic and bosmeris; proficient in nordic and dragon language]

TONE OF VOICE: high / average / deep [sounds deeper at times because they have a low, kind of hoarse voice]

ACCENT: yes / no [cyrodilic with some hints of other accents mixed in]

DEMEANOUR: confident / shy / approachable / hostile / other [distant and intimidating]

POSTURE: slumped / straight / stiff / relaxed [almost always as stiff as a board; the only time they aren't is when they're moving in a fight or with farkas]

— HABITS.

head tilting / swaying / fidgeting / stuttering / gesturing / arm crossing / strokes chin / er, um, or other interjections / plays with hair or clothing / hands at hips / inconsistent eye contact / maintains eye contact / frequent pausing / stands close / stands at a distance

— COMPLEXITY.

VOCABULARY: ⚫⚫⚪⚪⚪

EMOTION: ⚫⚪⚪⚪⚪

SENTENCE STRUCTURE: ⚫⚫⚫⚪⚪

— PROFANITY.

FREQUENCY: ⚫⚫⚫⚪⚪

CREATIVITY: ⚫⚪⚪⚪⚪

BOLD ALL THAT APPLY.

arse / ass / asshole / bastard / bitch / bloody / bugger / bollocks / chicken shit / crap / cunt / dick / frick / fuck / horseshit / motherfucker / piss / prick / pussy / screw / shit / shitass / son of a bitch / twat / wanker

— THIS OR THAT.

straightforward or cryptic? / finding the right word or using the first word that comes to mind? / masculinity, neutrality, or femininity? / formalities or with abrasiveness? / praise or equivocation? / frankness or lies? / excessive or minimal hand gestures? / name-calling or magnanimity? / friendly or blunt?

— IMPORTANT QUESTIONS.

DO PEOPLE HAVE A HARD TIME HEARING OR UNDERSTANDING YOUR CHARACTER? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never [they have a lower voice and often have to raise their voice to be heard]

DOES YOUR CHARACTER'S POINT COME ACROSS EASILY WHEN THEY SPEAK? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never

WOULD YOUR CHARACTER INITIATE CONVERSATIONS? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never [the only time they really do is if it's getting a job or to report back, but even then, they typically just show up and wait until someone else speaks first]

WOULD YOUR CHARACTER BE THE ONE TO END CONVERSATIONS? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never

WOULD YOUR CHARACTER USE 'WHOM' IN A SENTENCE? yes / no / only ironically

YOUR CHARACTER WANTS TO MAKE A COUNTERPOINT, WHAT WORD DO THEY USE? but / though / although / however / perhaps / mayhaps

HOW DOES YOUR CHARACTER END CONVERSATIONS? walk away / ask if that's everything / say that's everything / give a proper goodbye / tell their company they're here / remain quiet / they don't [it's the not understanding social cues for me. no, really, sometimes they have to be told they can go]

WHAT SOCIAL CLASS WOULD OTHERS ASSUME YOUR CHARACTER BELONG TO, HEARING THEM SPEAK? upper / middle / lower

IN WHAT WAYS DOES THE WAY YOUR CHARACTER SPEAK STAND OUT TO OTHERS? accent / vocabulary / tone / level / politeness / brusqueness / it doesn't

[ruvviks]

>> oc speech mannerisms

tagged by @florbelles, @strafethesesinners and @shellibisshe, thank you so much!! tagging @aartyom, @arklay, @reaperkiller, @steelport, @swordcoasts, @morvaris, @faarkas, @montliyets, @liurnia, @cultistbase, @vilkaas, @ladybeniko, @katsigian, @coffeebucko, @awful-roffle and anyone else who wants to do this :D <3

– BASICS.

NO. OF SPOKEN LANGUAGES >> 1 / 2 / 3+* [english, italian, sign language, spanish]

TONE OF VOICE >> high / average* / deep [tends to deepen it when talking to strangers, it becomes higher when he is rambling]

ACCENT >> yes* / no [everyone has an accent <3]

DEMEANOR >> confident / shy / approachable / hostile / other* [distant, stoic; loosens up the more comfortable he becomes around someone]

POSTURE >> slumped / straight / stiff* / relaxed [relaxes around people he is comfortable with, which is currently sitting on a grand total of four people]

– HABITS.

head tilting / swaying / fidgeting / stuttering / gesturing / arm crossing / strokes chin / er, um, or other interjections / plays with hair or clothing / hands at hips / inconsistent eye contact / maintains eye contact / frequent pausing / stands close / stands at a distance

– COMPLEXITY.

VOCABULARY >> ⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️

EMOTION >> ⚫️⚫️⚪️⚪️⚪️

SENTENCE STRUCTURE >> ⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️

– PROFANITY.

FREQUENCY >> ⚫️⚪️⚪️⚪️⚪️

CREATIVITY (in regards to profanity) >> ⚫️⚪️⚪️⚪️⚪️

– BOLD THAT APPLY.

arse / ass / asshole / bastard / bitch / bloody / bugger / bollocks / chicken shit / crap / cunt / dick / frick / fuck / horseshit / motherfucker / piss / prick / pussy / screw / shit / shitass / son of a bitch / twat / wanker

– THIS OR THAT.

straightforward or cryptic? / finding the right word or using the first word that comes to mind? / masculinity, neutrality, or femininity? / formalities or with abrasiveness? / praise or equivocation? / frankness or lies? / excessive or minimal hand gestures? / name-calling or magnanimity? / friendly or blunt?

– IMPORTANT QUESTIONS.

DO PEOPLE HAVE A HARD TIME HEARING OR UNDERSTANDING YOUR CHARACTER? almost always / frequently / rarely / never

DOES YOUR CHARACTER’S POINT COME ACROSS EASILY WHEN THEY SPEAK? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never

WOULD YOUR CHARACTER INITIATE CONVERSATIONS? almost always / frequently / sometimes / never

WOULD YOUR CHARACTER BE THE ONE TO END CONVERSATIONS? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never

WOULD YOUR CHARACTER USE ‘WHOM’ IN A SENTENCE? yes / no / only ironically

YOUR CHARACTER WANTS TO MAKE A COUNTERPOINT. WHAT WORD DO THEY USE? but / though / although / however / perhaps / mayhaps

HOW DOES YOUR CHARACTER END CONVERSATIONS? walk away / ask if that’s everything / say that’s everything / give a proper goodbye / tell their company they're done here / remain quiet / they don’t

WHAT SOCIAL CLASS WOULD OTHERS ASSUME YOUR CHARACTER BELONGS TO, HEARING THEM SPEAK? upper / middle / lower

IN WHAT WAYS DOES THE WAY YOUR CHARACTER SPEAK STAND OUT TO OTHERS? accent / vocabulary / tone / level / politeness / brusqueness / it doesn’t

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

I know you’ve talked about how all the Cullen pairings are eventually going to implode - glad someone said it - but I was wondering if you wanted to talk a little bit about what you think Meyer INTENDED with the pairings - tropes and whatnot? And what you think would have to change in her narrative to make what was intended what we actually saw on the page? Or — what do you think each cullens’ Perfect Spouse would actually look like?

Anon is referring to this post.

And well, you've certainly given me quite the challenge.

Some Musing Ramblings Before We Begin

Sort of like asking me to make Dramione work, I'm not sure I'm the person to ask this. Anyone who reads my work knows that... well, that's a lie, every story I secretly write is a love story. But it's not Twilight in any way shape or form.

Twilight simply isn't a story I would set out to write. This isn't a good thing or a bad thing, it just is, which means that asking me to make Twilight work the way Meyer intended is probably not your best bet.

But I'll try regardless, it's what we're here for.

Bella/Edward

Meyer intended Bella Swan and Edward Cullen to be the best and brightest of all the pairings in Twilight. They have the love and devotion of Carlisle and Esme, the physicality and sexual attraction of Rosalie and Emmett, and are such a grand love that even depressed Marcus takes note. This is the love story that drives the entire series.

Edward is an improvement upon Carlisle, a Carlisle with even better control, and the most beautiful man you ever did see. He's also a gentleman, a man of his time and from an era where chivalry was alive and men courted women. Bella is one of those disturbingly altruistic people who makes you feel bad about yourself just by being in the same room. She's incredibly selfless, kind, and also quite brave.

Together, despite their ups and downs and the many obstacles in their way, they're disgustingly perfect.

However, that's not what we get. On Edward's end he's... Edward about loving Bella. On Bella's end, she has no idea who Edward even is but she does know he's beautiful and special.

And to get what Meyer actually wanted... Christ, Anon, I'll try.

So, the first problem, if Edward was truly a good person then Twilight would never happen.

Edward would have his first day of Biology, miraculously maintain control, and flee to Alaska as he does in canon. However, he would not return. Edward in canon returns due to his budding obsession as well as his wounded pride, in fleeing Forks he feels he has lost to Bella. When Carlisle later points out that a girl's life is on the line, that Edward is foolishly endangering this girl solely for his ego, Edward refuses to acknowledge this.

A good man would never have returned from Alaska, the Cullens would have moved in short order, and Bella may or may not have died in a parking lot or in Port Angeles.

That said, what if Bella is not, in fact, Edward's singer? Then there's not this constant debate of him eating her or his creepy, budding, obsession with his personal brand of heroin.

Well, the trouble with that is that Edward would then never notice her. Even were Edward not a colossal dismissive dick, required per this ask, Bella is one mortal out of many and someone he shouldn't grow close to. Associating with her just exposes her to unnecessary danger from him and his family. Edward is a guest in our world, nothing more, and a kind Edward might chit chat with her in Biology but even if he had a growing crush he'd keep his distance.

As he tried and failed to do in canon, actually.

Basically, change Edward alone, and it's not enough. The Edward Meyer wanted would never get together with Bella. At least, not without a lot of AU-sauce.

But let's look at Bella for a moment. Bella's character also has to be entirely stripped down. The Bella of the books is extremely depressed and her infatuation with Edward is fueled in part because of this. Edward's obsession with her gives her worth.

Obviously, in this new and improved edition of Twilight, Bella can't use either Edward or Jacob for validation. She has to be able to stand on her own two legs. If she does use either for validation, then the relationship must come to an end, as she and her significant other realize just what it is Bella's doing.

The trouble is, what does this not-depressed Bella have to fall in love with? Yes, Edward's beautiful, and that certainly goes a long way, but in canon he's a dick. Bella even thinks to herself that he's a complete dick (even when he's trying to be charming). Luckily for Edward she later decides that this is cryptic and therefore appealing.

Well, in AU land, Edward might be so damn charming that Bella likes him anyway but we come back to Edward keeping her at a polite distance.

So, what we need is a terrifying villain. Let's call him Angelus (though per Twilight this would probably be James). Angelus is a vampire that will force Edward's hand. For whatever reason, he decides to torment and ruin Bella's life, ending the hunt in either eating her or turning her into his bride. Angelus' existence forces Bella to be in the know and for Edward to have to take extreme action.

The pair become closer, grow through undoubtedly horrific trauma, and through said trauma Bella understands not only the pros of being a vampire but the terrifying cons.

Basically, it'd be this story. Just replace the name "Carlisle" with Edward and "Edward" with James.

Alice/Jasper

Alice and Jasper are supposed to have this ineffable, mystic, connection where they're together because... Alice saw them together. And in a way, that's true, but it's supposed to be a thing of beauty, soulmates if there ever were any, and instead it's this dumpster fire with nothing holding them together.

This one's easier in a way, well, sort of. Alice would have to be a completely different character and we'd have to see a lot more of Jasper.

Alice has a bad habit of treating those around her, even those she loves, as chess pieces. She'll put them in significant danger, court their misery, so long as it gets her the future she wants.

And she's extremely controlling.

Right away in the opening of Midnight Sun we see this and how it affects her and Jasper's relationship. The novel opens with Alice hovering, scanning the future for Japser fucking up, while Jasper just sits there in misery. Due to her obsession on making sure Jasper doesn't eat students, she actually misses Edward's plan to massacre Biology and his many plans to eat Bella Swan.

Even if she wasn't, this isn't good for anyone to live with. Jasper has very little concept of free will, whatever happens to him, whatever he'll do, Alice tells him and the worst possible option is always on the table.

For Jasper/Alice to work either Alice's gift needs to go (and that's... sort of all Alice is) or she has to tell no one any vision ever unless under extreme circumstances.

Which would be devastating for Alice. Rather than this mostly well-adjusted, perky, girl, Alice would be crippled by her gift. The weight of the world, everyone's free will, rests on her shoulders and she has to constantly avoid temptation to simply pick everyone's future for them.

Without the attitude Alice has in canon, I think she'd go mad with such a gift, or else be consumed by the responsibility of it.

Then we get to the mess that is Jasper. Jasper's complicated, and I don't want to get into it here, but his love story would have to be... too large to be put to the side like that. The redemption he'd need is not one that can be shoved into a few paragraphs told to Bella, it's frankly the kind of story that would drive an ordinary story.

So we'd have to see a lot of Jasper and Nouveau Alice. Which, of course, detracts from Bella/Edward which is the main point of the story.

Honestly, I take it back, there's no salvaging this relationship. They would have to be completely different people to the point where they're entirely different characters wearing nametags 'Alice' and 'Jasper'. Alice couldn't have her gift, which informs her entire character, and we'd have to see way too much of Jasper who is ultimately a tertiary character.

Carlisle/Esme

Thoughts on Carlisle/Esme.

Carlisle and Esme is a very 'spiritual' relationship per Meyer. They're... mom-bot and dad-bot. Alright, fine, they're the perfect parents with this deep love for each other and a very parental bond with Edward especially. It's the relationship Edward admires the most in his paired off family.

I don't even know how to fix this one.

Again, they'd have to be such different people. The trouble with Esme and Carlisle is that they share no values and are plagued by massive miscommunication. The Carlisle who is perfect for Esme... No, wait, this Carlisle is perfect for her, but that's because she's in Esme Land.

The Carlisle that would be perfect for a grounded Esme is not the one that exists. She'd want someone who would always put the family first, who would treasure her above all other things, that's not Carlisle.

Carlisle, similarly, would want someone that truly shares his ideals. That's not Esme.

So, we're back to nametag land, because one or both have to completely change for this to work. (Not to mention that Esme's probably not supposed to be Esme).

So, I've got nothing for this.

Rosalie/Emmett

I actually think these two are what Meyer intended. They love each other but are mostly held together by attraction. They're a very physical couple and good for the most part but inherently lesser than Bella/Edward.

Sure, I'd argue that they're the most put together couple in the house, but I think they're meant to have flaws. They work well together, but every other relationship in the Cullens has to be a step up or at least have something more to it.

Something Edward and Bella can be better than.

Conclusion

Dear god. Did I only manage to somewhat address Bella/Edward? Was that it? This was worse than I thought.

[crypticauthour]

First NaNo win!

[samuel-de-champagne-problems]

It's Delicate: Part II

Summary: Spencer Reid finds himself at a gas station at 2:00 am, thinking he’s only leaving with a cup of crappy coffee. But something taped to the door catches his eye. Spencer leaves the gas station with more than he intended: the chance at a friend, and maybe something more along the way.

Word Count: 3.6 k

Author’s Note: Here's the second part in It's Delicate, my first chapter fic. I've planned out kind of where I see this eventually going! Thank you to anyone who reads, likes, comments, and reblogs. It really means the world to me.

Content Warnings: Expletive language (3 uses), mentions of drug use, sexual innuendo

READ PART I

It's Delicate Masterlist

It's Delicate

Sitting on the plane, Spencer looks out from the little window. For hours, there’s been nothing but corn fields and clouds. It’s eerily peaceful, being there high above the clouds. His whole life Spencer has felt this distance between him and everyone else, but nothing makes that feeling more prominent than being strapped in a glorified metal box 35,000 feet off the Earth’s surface. But the thing is, Spencer does need to be flying above the trees to feel lonely. He can do that with two feet on the ground.

Luke sits across Spencer, the table between them and a deck of playing cards are spread out across its surface. He has to nudge Spencer’s leg from under the table, trying to bring him back to reality as he stares out the window.

“Whatcha thinking,” Luke asks, Spencer has been noticing more and more that Luke is one of the few people that actually listens to him.

Spencer, whose mind is racing too fast to even formulate an articulate thought, attempts to dodge Luke’s question with a noncommittal shrug.

“Reid, these cases are hard for all of us, you gotta know that man,” Luke says, laying down a four of a kind.

Spencer narrows his eyes, shocked that it hasn’t clicked yet for the rest of the team. He cracks his neck, preparing to answer Luke.

“We almost locked up an innocent man, Alvez. I almost sent another man to the same fate as myself. What kind of fucked up message is that?” Spencer says, throwing down the cards on the table. He doesn’t wait for Luke to respond.

“I fold,”

Spencer walks off into the small kitchenette to make a cup of coffee. He doesn’t want to think about his increased reliance on coffee, because he knows it’s a hot cup of coffee or a cold needle of Dilaudid in his veins. Spencer checks his watch, it’s 10:17 pm, maybe too late to find a meeting at a church or rec center somewhere.

He sneaks a peak at his phone, which was still unfortunately on Airplane Mode, he hasn’t even gotten a chance to see if Y/N has responded. He doesn’t know much about her, just as much as she knows about him.

It’s a brave new world for Spencer and he’s knee deep into the unknown.

Spencer can feel Luke’s eyes on him. He just knows that the minute he gets home, a certain tech expert will be ringing him. He knows that it’s Luke’s way of caring, but for someone who’s been alone for so long, having people that actually care is almost drowning.

Walking back to his seat, Spencer hands Luke a coffee. He smiles slightly; it’s the awkward smile that he used to make when intimating police chiefs and idiot cops would look him up and down like he’s a TA. It’s a peace offering for Luke, who despite his tough looking exterior, is one of the kindest people Spencer knows.

“Look, Reid. I’m sorry that we didn’t put it together. It’s just that man that we caught, he’s not like you. He’s not innocent of crimes, he’s just innocent of this crime,” Luke says in an attempt to make Spencer feel a little bit better.

“The thing is Luke, I’m exactly like that man,”

Spencer returns to staring out the window. The cards and the coffee on the table are long ignored for the silence that is found when you’re high above the clouds.

--

Spencer hears Tara and Emily murmur quietly about going out for a round of drinks. Luke accepts, while JJ and Matt decline, eager to get home to their families. Emily looks over at Spencer, her eyes silently scanning him, his body language. Spencer knows that there’s nothing he can hide from Emily, so there’s no use in trying to pretend he’s alright when she can take one look at him and know that nothing is right.

“You guys have fun, I’m going to head home and get some sleep. I plan on visiting my mom tomorrow and mornings are usually better for her,” Spencer says, slinging his go bag around his shoulders and making the trek back to the security to check out.

He walks slowly, enjoying the sound of the crickets chirping as he trudges along. Spencer tries not to think about the man, Richard, who was almost locked up for a crime that he didn’t commit. Spencer is pretty sure that being the person to throw an innocent man in jail is worse than being the innocent man in jail.

Spencer’s phone buzzes loudly, disturbing the silence of his walk. He looks at the phone to see a couple of messages from Y/N. Spencer slides open the lock to his phone and hits the button to read her messages.

Y/N: Spencer...that has a nice ring to it. So tell me a little bit about yourself. Your big three, but as books. Go! 🌞🌙⬆️

Furrowing his brow, Spencer reads the message over again. He does not have a clue what “big three” means, but it seems like some sort of pop culture thing that he’s not skilled in. He wants to text Garcia for a translation, but he’s also not too keen on telling her how he came across Y/N’s number.

Y/N: I assume you’re working, but I'm kind of impatient so I’ll give you mine 🙃 I’m a Little Women sun, an Emma moon, and an In Cold Blood rising.

Y/N: Oh no….I hope my astrology didn’t turn you off

Y/N: Not that I was trying to turn you on

Y/N: omg Y/N please shut the fuck up

Astrology? Spencer isn’t one to judge, but he’s a scientist first and foremost. The idea that there is something written about him in the stars seems like ludicrous. He decided to ignore the other messages, particularly the ones with a little more than slight innuendo.

Spencer: Y/N- I’m sorry I just got out of work. As for my big three, I’m not sure about astrology. I don’t particularly believe in pseudoscience. But those are good choices. In Cold Blood is an excellent choice. Capote spent years researching the case. In fact his prose and technique inspired the entire “Nonfiction novel” genre. The world of journalism and true crime would not be where it is without Capote’s work.

Y/N: Oh my god. You are a total nerd. 🙀

That stops Spencer right in his tracks. He’s only a couple of yards away from the Volvo at this point, but somehow it feels a million miles away. You are a total nerd. The words replay in his mind as the small gray bubbles pop up again. Spencer can feel his heart constrict at Y/N’s words. It’s ridiculous, he’s nearly 34 and is getting upset that a stranger called him a nerd. Spencer unlocks his car and tosses his go bag, phone included onto the passenger seat.

After a couple of minutes his phone buzzes again. He’s half tempted to answer it, but the way his heart seems to beat faster tells him to ignore it.

Y/N: I fucking love it and I think you’ll love this too

Spencer’s entire demeanor changes as he reads the message. He’s always had difficulties reading emotion in writing, especially when he can’t analyze the handwriting. Sometimes, it’s even harder to judge inflection during conversations. Maybe that is why Spencer has spent all this time studying people, studying the way that their minds work. Before he can get too lost in his thoughts, another message pops up.

Y/N: Meet Capote and Second Cat

Y/N: They are the loves of my life

Spencer: They are very...distinguished looking. Capote is an excellent name choice then. Second Cat is also quite catchy.

Spencer hesitates before sending the message, he notices that Y/N uses what Garcia calls “emojis” quite frequently. He assumes that it’s some sort of “texting lingo” that expresses emotion in small graphics. Great, he thinks. He already has a difficult time deciphering Y/N’s cryptic wording and now he’s got to analyze these emojis.

Maybe he should profile her. He re-reads the message and settles on a “😄” because he figures that he can’t go wrong with offering Y/N a smile.

Spencer: I don’t have a cat, but when I was a kid I always wanted one, they’re quite good companions for those that live several different kinds of lifestyles. From active to sedentary, they are adaptable and independent. Honestly they are the perfect pet.

Y/N: Is this your way of telling you’re a crazy cat man? 😜 🙀

Spencer, still sitting in his car that’s parked in the parking lot, chuckles at Y/N’s response to his message. Maybe it’s just easier to ignore his rambling when it’s done through 1s and 0s and there isn’t a face to the words.

Spencer: I’m actually more of a fish guy

Y/N: Like a “I-like-to-go-fishing-and-post-picture-of-myself-kissing-my-catch-on-Tinder” kind of fish guy or...I can’t think of any other kind of fish men

Spencer, not totally understanding the obvious joke that Y/N is trying to make, settles on something that he hasn’t really ever tried: being himself.

Spencer: Not quite sure what a Tinder is, but I think fishing is terrifying and kissing a fish is something out of nightmares. But his name is Leo

Y/N: DiCaprio?

Spencer: Uhh, Tolstoy

Y/N: Good😉 ⚔️🕊️ 🇷🇺

Spencer glances at his clock on the control panel, it tells him that he’s been messaging with Y/N back and forth for nearly 22 minutes. He nearly forgot how tired he was.

Spencer: Y/N- I’m so sorry but, I just got to my car to drive home from work. I’ll text you tomorrow morning about the book club, maybe we can figure out some things.

Y/N: OMG Spencer!! you should have told me. I’ve been talking ur ear off. sleep well and yes please tomorrow we can talk about the book club

Y/N: Good night, Book Buddy 😴

Spencer wants to respond to Y/N, but he doesn’t know what to say. She seems to text so easily, and judging by that, she must be around Spencer’s age or a little bit younger. Besides JJ and Penelope, Spencer has never had a friend close to his age. It’s a strange new territory for him and he’s walking in head first into No Man’s Land.

He starts his Volvo, the check engine still lights but, reminding him once again to go get it fixed. Driving away from the parking lot, Spencer hands over his ID to Gina, the security guard. She checks his ID and gives him a tired smile. Spencer, as he drives home to his apartment, thinking about what books he and Y/N will read together. He wonders what kind of books are her favorite, if they have any authors that they can obsess over together, or if what she thinks a poet’s prose is.

The summer air rushing in through the window is nowhere as warm and as comforting as thought of Spencer finally having a friend that isn’t able to read the scars of his past in the text bubbles that pop up on her screen.

--

When Spencer opens his eyes for the first time that morning, he isn’t sure where he is. Sometimes, before he can stop his thoughts from travelling there, Spencer thinks he’s still in jail. He hates the feeling of terror that rushes over him but he hates the idea of being vulnerable a little bit more. But the softness of his pillows and the coolness of his cotton sheets remind him that he’s not sleeping on a hard cot with only a layer of fabric over his body. The light streams in through the half closed blinds, and Spencer judges by how brightly the sun shines in, it must be around 9:45 am.

He supposes that he prefers the way the sun’s rays paint horizontal bars across his face more than the vertical bars that cast gray shadows over his cell at Milburn Penitentiary.

It’s a day off from work, so Spencer didn’t set an alarm, instead allowing his mind and his body to catch up on some much needed rest. The nightmares have been getting better, but his dreams are still haunted by the way that he hardly recognizes himself anymore. Deciding that it will be a day spent in pajamas, Spencer goes to his bookshelf in his bedroom to pick out a couple of novels to read while he drinks his morning coffee and defrosts some of Luke’s strawberry pastries.

Before heading out of his room, Spencer stops himself in the doorway. He replays the events of last night. He declined to go out with the rest of the team, while he walked to his car he thought about the crickets telling the temperature, and he read over Y/N’s messages.

Y/N.

He promised he’d text her back in the morning about their book club. Last night, she didn’t seem to mind Spencer’s long messages and awkward phrasing. He still doesn’t really know how this Book Buddy thing would work, but since he found Y/N’s number on the flyer, he can only assume that she knows what to do. He leaps on his bed, landing with thud on his belly, to grab his phone that charges on his nightstand.

Spencer settles at his kitchen table, a cup of steaming hot Dark Roast coffee in a Captain Spock mug in one hand and, surprisingly, his phone in the other. He scrolls through the messages from last night, Y/N’s cat and emojis tempt a smile to Spencer’s face.

Not entirely sure how to start the conversation again, Spencer looks around for inspiration until his eyes land on a certain fish tank in the corner of his apartment. He snaps a quick picture of Leo and attaches it to the message.

Spencer: Good Morning from Leo & Spencer

Spencer sets down his phone after a moment when he realizes that Y/N is probably not going to answer him back in a couple of seconds. He takes out a strawberry pastry from his freezer and puts it into the toaster oven on a non-stick baking sheet. His thumbs run across the texture of the book he started on the plane ride after his and Luke’s ill fated poker game. It's a thin book of collected essays on the meaning of life. Camus, to Spencer, is a little pessimistic with his droning on about the meaninglessness of life. Though Spence has seen the absolute worst that humanity has to offer, he still has to believe that there’s a deeper meaning behind it all.

His toaster oven rings, altering him so that his toasted strawberry pastry is cooked. He plates his breakfast and pours himself another cup of coffee- he’ll need it to get through Camus’s section on Absurdism this early in the morning. But the flash of Spencer’s phone screen sends him reaching for his phone. Y/N replied to his message.

Y/N: hi leo!!!

Y/N: and you too Spencer :) Did you get a good night’s sleep. You got back late it seems.

Spencer, taking a bite of the strawberry pastry, ignores the burning sensation in his mouth. He types out a response to Y/N as he washes down the bite with a swing of coffee.

Spencer: I did, thank you. Can you tell me a little bit more about this book buddy thing. From what I gathered from the flyer it’s like a little book club of our own and we meet at the bookstore?

It doesn’t take long for Y/N to respond. The little gray dots pop up almost immediately after Spencer’s message is delivered.

Y/N: That’s about right! Is it okay if I call you? Kinda easier to talk that way 🤷‍♀️

Spencer reads over the message a couple of times. He doesn’t really like to talk on the phone and only does it out of necessity. He’s pretty sure that his voice is grating and his vocal fry is quite irritating. Yet, he finds himself replying “yes” to Y/N. Soon enough, his phone buzzes in his hand and Spencer has to remind himself how to pick up a call.

“Spencer? Um, this is Spencer Reid, right?” the voice says. It’s a woman’s voice and he can only assume that it’s Y/N, considering it is her phone number calling him.

“Y/N, uh hi. This is Dr. Spencer- I mean this is Spencer,” he says, nearly forgetting that Y/N doesn’t know him as Dr. Reid, but as just Spencer. It’s been a long time since someone has known him as Spencer.

“Oh great! It’s wonderful to finally have a voice to your name. So about these buddy reads. You seem to have a good grasp of what they are,” Y/N’s voice trails off a little bit at the end and Spencer finds it natural to fill in the silence.

“Yes, the flyer was quite informative. But I was wondering, do we read the same books or do we read different books?” Spencer asks, trying to restrain himself from scaring Y/N off. But something about her made him think that she didn’t scare easily.

Y/N chuckles lightly in the speaker of her phone, “that’s a good question, uh, I was actually going to ask you what you would rather. We can read the same books, or if it’s okay with you we can choose what the other would read for that week,”

“Oh really?” Spencer says, very much aware how his voice rises a couple of octaves. He can’t trust himself to hold back on rambling over the phone Y/N, so he resorts to using his strained, brittle voice that’s full of hesitation and restraint.

“That’s the plan, so whatcha thinking, Spencer,” Y/N says playfully, like she can sense that phone conversations maybe not make him feel at ease. There’s something so natural and silvery about her voice; it reminds Spencer of an audiobook reader. While he’s not too keen on audiobooks, he’s sure that he’d listen to anything she reads or has to say.

“Um, I think it sounds interesting to pick out books for each other. I tend to gravitate towards more technical books or even books that aren’t in English so, uh, I think it would be interesting to get out of my comfort zone,” Spencer says, cringing internally at using the word “interesting” twice in a couple of sentences.

“Well, as long as you don’t pick out something in physics or anything by Ayn Rand then I’d say we’re good,” Y/N says. Spencer thinks it’s a joke, but he’s not too sure how to respond.

“Will you still be my Book Buddy if I read 1 out of 2 of those?” Spencer asks, hoping she’d get that he is trying to continue the joke.

“Oh no Spencer please don’t tell me you’re an Ayn Rand fanboy,” she says, and by the airy way she laughs, Spencer ventures to guess his joke landed successfully.

“So,” Spencer starts, he never has made plans with people outside of his team, and on top of that, there’s something about Y/N’s quickness that makes him a little nervous to meet her.

“I’m talking your ear off, aren’t I? Please Spencer, if you’re going to be my Book Buddy, you’re going to have to get used to me talking a lot, especially you pick out good books, which, I already have a feeling you’re going to be favorite Book Buddy,”

For once in his life, Spencer doesn’t really know how to respond. He lets out something in between a strangled laughter and a noncommittal chuckle.

“So,” Y/N says, mirroring Spencer’s earlier words, “so are you free tonight, I can meet you at the bookstore..”

Y/N’s voice trails off and Spencer leaps to finish her sentences. It doesn’t feel like his interjecting or interrupting, but like he’s snapping a puzzle piece together.

“Does 7 work?” “7 is great, Spencer. It’s a date,”

Those three little words send Spencer’s eyes flying wide open. He scrambles to come up with answer to louden the silence that falls, but he swears he can hear a string of quiet curses before Y/N manages to squeak out a small “goodbye,”

Y/N’s last words play back in Spencer’s ears. He scolds himself for being so weird and awkward that the very idea of going on a date with him would send Y/N in a tizzy. It’s not a date, because Spencer can’t think about it being a date. It’s not a date because of the looming photo above his mantle that freezes his future in the past. It’s not a date because of the nightmare of vertical bars that haunt his dreams

It’s not a date. It’s so not a date because Spencer would call Luke to come over to help him if it was.

“Hey Luke,” Spencer says, trying to control the nervous waves in his voice, “no man, I’m fine, it’s uh, easier if you just come over. I’m fine, really,”

Y/N: I really hope you're not an Ayn Rand fanboy 😉

It’s so not a date.

--THANK YOU FOR READING--

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[justiceraffles]

About the Gosho Boys and literary crime fiction

This is a lengthy text wall in which I ramble about detectives. It started out with me thinking about the Gosho boys and their relationship with classic mystery fiction and literary/fictional detectives and it ended up derailing into a Hakuba rabbit hole in which I overanalyse details pointlessly for hours because I guess that is simply how most of my free time is spent.

(Fair warning that this is probably ridden with mistakes because I am capable of only 1.3 thoughts at a time)

So, when it comes to Shinichi, Heiji and Kaito, they all have a literary character from classic detective fiction that they’re closely associated with. Namely, it’s Sherlock Holmes for Shinichi, Ellery Queen for Heiji, and Arsène Lupin for Kaito. The relationship they hold with each of these figures (and with crime fiction in general) is very different, but it’s quite telling of their personality, character, their relationship with literature, and their respective approach to their profession. I talk about each of them a little bit and then just spend half the time talking about Hakuba. 

Shinichi is born in a household where mystery fiction is extremely important. He is surrounded by this type of story and his parents nurture this interest actively. Detectives and mysteries permeate his life wholly. For Shinichi, Holmes is seen as the maximum exponent of a genre. Holmes is The Great Detective. The archetype, the one that defines what it means to be a detective and the one later writers will seek to emulate one way or another. Detective fiction is what it is today because of Holmes, so it makes complete sense for Shinichi to have him as his idol. Holmes is what he strives to be and it’s what people associate him with. 

Heiji is a lot more subtle than Shinichi is, but he is also very much a lit nerd. Ellery Queen is both a character and a pseudonym for the writers that created him. As a character, Ellery Queen is such a perfect choice for Heiji’s favourite detective. He’s a mystery writer who doubles as a sleuth and helps his father, a police inspector, in solving crimes. Wonder if that sounds familiar, huh. Aside from similarities in the character (I could go on about some passages that have such strong Heiji vibes I’d be here forever) the Queen novels challenge the reader very directly. They tell you to pay attention, that you are presented with the exact same clues as the detective and should therefore be able to solve the mystery as well. The mystery story is a competition and the author issues a challenge by presenting it to the reader. I love this because Heiji has a huge competitive streak, and this is highlighted from his introduction. To find that the stories he’s passionate about also encourage this side of him is just so fitting and appropriate. 

The case where Shinichi and Heiji meet always makes me think of the contrast between reading a Holmes novel and a Queen story. Personally, I feel like the enjoyment of a Holmes story often relies on letting yourself be awed by the deduction. You can follow along with the mystery but a big part of the charm is based on the detective himself and the way he explains the thought process that leads him to his conclusion. You’re meant to sit down and enjoy as Holmes explains himself, and admire his brilliance. There’s a focus on the truth and the way to reach it, which is very, very Shinichi. A Queen novel, on the other hand, invites you to play along as you read. You are on equal standing with the detective, and it’s up to you to reach the same conclusion he does. These are the principles of “fair-play” in mystery fiction. As it implies, it is very much a game! So Heiji challenging Shinichi to a battle of wits and deductions goes perfectly in line with what he’s reading. Holmes is the genius detective you look up to with admiration, Queen is a sleuth that invites you to solve the crime alongside him. These suit the vibes that Shinichi and Heiji give off themselves very well. 

Kaito is much, much different for obvious reasons. He’s not a detective, and he’s not nearly as much of a mystery geek as the others are. The entire KID persona is closely associated with Arséne Lupin because Toichi fashions it accordingly. Even if phantom thieves aren’t quite the same as Leblanc’s original idea for the Gentleman Burglar, they still have a clear origin in Lupin and there’s important similarities to be made between them. Storytelling-wise, KID heists work on the same principles as Lupin stories. You know the criminal is there, hidden amongst the cast presented to you, and you know he will carry out the crime. And, regardless of whether you have an inkling of an idea of how he’s going to pull it off or not, you still allow yourself to be amazed by his methods regardless when the trick is revealed! Even when the schemes are outlandish and border on the fantastical and unbelievable, the stories are best enjoyed when you suspend your disbelief and allow the plots and characters to be over the top. But well, the connection between Lupin and KID is fairly self-explanatory. So, rather than KID, I think it’s more interesting to think about the relationship between Lupin and Kaito himself.  

Kaito doesn’t seek to be seen as a modern day-Lupin in the same way Shinichi wants to be a modern day-Holmes. Unlike Shinichi who becomes a detective in great part because he has Holmes as his idol, Kaito doesn’t become a thief because of his admiration towards a literary character, but because of his love and admiration towards his father. Kaito dons the KID suit with pride because it’s something his father left behind, and he embraces each part of it because it can lead to answers and understanding. But, always cryptic, Lupin doesn’t provide a whole lot of answers and understanding, and neither does Toichi. Lupin admits that he struggles to recognise himself under all the disguises and roles he has played. The truth behind his father’s character seems to become more elusive the more Kaito becomes involved with thievery. The “gentleman thief” persona, despite being charming and theatrical, has consequences on a personal life. 

...And then there’s Hakuba. 

Hakuba is complicated. 

But, Raffles! You say, Saguru is another Sherlock geek!

Well, yes. Of course he is. The deerstalker outfit and him naming his hawk Watson make that clear. Hakuba is an absolute Holmes nerd. 

I’m here to read too deeply into it when it’s most definitely not that deep at all. But, there’s never enough information about Hakuba and I have a blast overthinking stuff. So that’s what we’re gonna do! 

Despite obviously being a big fan, Hakuba’s relationship with Holmes is different from that of Shinichi’s. 

First, we don’t get to see Hakuba nerding out about Holmes novels and stories in the same way Shinichi does. He doesn’t quote Holmes at length or go on about how much he loves the books. Instead, we know Hakuba’s a nerd because he’s apparently passionate enough about this character to include things associated with him into his own personal image and identity.

Second, there’s the way others perceive him. Shinichi and Kaito (as KID) get “Heisei Holmes” and “Reiwa Lupin”. Despite irking a couple officers every now and again, Heiji is held in high regard and considered a great detective by the police force. Hakuba has a considerable amount of fame, but he doesn’t receive the same amount of trust people place on Shinichi and Heiji. It’s easy to forget because Hakuba acts with a lot of confidence and familiarity around crime scenes, but several of his appearances highlight the way his presence is tolerated at heists because of his father’s influence and is generally seen as an outsider. The police take orders from Shinichi and look up to him for advice— it’s not quite the same with Hakuba. More often than not, Nakamori treats Hakuba like a visitor or observer than a consulting detective. All of this rambling to say that even though he presents himself that way, Hakuba isn’t (or, at least, isn’t seen as) the Holmes he admires.  

So, if not Holmes, is there anyone that suits Hakuba better?

I’d say yes and no. 

As far as I can recall, the series never makes any explicit comparisons or references to other detectives when Hakuba is concerned. That said, much like you’d associate the deerstalker and Watson to Holmes, Hakuba has some other quirks and behaviours reminiscent of other detectives. Now, I’m not here to say that Hakuba was made deliberately as a compilation of references to literary detectives. These similarities are admittedly mostly coincidences. That said, deliberate or not, I think an argument can still be made that the connections exist! And well, considering the lack of concrete information about Saguru, thinking about them is fun. So this is what I think: 

One of Hakuba’s most prominent quirks is his fixation with time and exactitude. His pocket watch is a memorable prop and being precise about minutes and seconds is an important part of his character. You can find very similar behaviour in Agatha Christie’s Hercule Poirot, who also carries a pocket watch around and is extremely particular about punctuality and numbers. Another thing interesting about Poirot is that he’s most interested in the psychology behind a crime, in understanding the mindset of the killer. Poirot mysteries have each of the suspects explaining their own version of events, because the detective wants to understand everyone’s version of perceiving the truth. In other words, Poirot mysteries have a focus on the whydunnit. 

You can probably tell that now I’m going to gesture wildly at Hakuba’s “Why did you do it”

Speaking of Hakuba’s signature question, it’s probably also worth mentioning the Father Brown stories by G.K Chesterton. The sleuth is a catholic priest, and after his deduction and identifying the culprit, the stories usually end with the priest spending time with the criminal. Before an arrest is made, Father Brown has a private meeting with the killer (or thief). It’s implied that this is carried out as a personal confession of sins, and expresses a need to seek out an understanding of the motive as perceived by the criminal themselves. 

I say this because the catchphrase does come off as a little strange. It’s curious that Hakuba asks why when we usually expect the detective to be able to sort it out by himself. But, it’s really not that strange to find equivalents to it in stories that focus on the psychological part of the crime and empathy towards them. 

(Also worth mentioning that both Christie and Chesterton were presidents of the Detection Club, a group of writers during the golden age of detective fiction that based their stories around the concept of “fair-play” that I mentioned earlier when I was talking about Heiji.  

Back on track: Hakuba and Poirot share key similarities. 

HOWEVER! There are also differences between them. I’m referring to the fact that Poirot puts the most emphasis on this psychological level of a crime. Poirot says “I am not one to rely upon the expert procedure. It is the psychology I seek, not the fingerprint or the cigarette ash” On the other hand, I’d argue that out of all of the Gosho boys, Hakuba is the most fastidious about procedure. He has some level of knowledge of forensic investigation and places importance upon it.

Sherlock’s methods do draw inspiration from precursors of forensic science, so you could trace it back to that. You could also go to R. Austin Freeman’s Dr. John Thorndyke, who is inspired by Holmes, but places a heavier focus on the scientific method behind deductions. Thorndyke is probably the one to properly kickstart the forensic/medical sleuth subgenre that grows later with the improvement and development of DNA evidence and technology. We have Hakuba being observant enough to find one of KID’s hairs, and then use Hakuba labs to narrow his identity down. It doesn’t resemble Poirot’s methods, it also isn’t quite Sherlockian, but it does resemble other classic british sleuths!

OKAY, COOL. WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THIS RAFFLES. 

I’M NOT REALLY SURE! I NEVER KNOW WHAT I’M DOING! I JUST WANTED TO TALK ABOUT HAKUBA AND DETECTIVE STORIES. 

Alright. This is more of a personal interpretation/headcanon than anything else, but unlike the other three Gosho boys, who have one  clear inspiration/basis/model, I like the idea of Hakuba reading a vast array of detective novels and picking up the little habits, methods, that he finds interesting or comforting. The deerstalker, the name for his hawk, his pocketwatch, his signature question, his methods, his knack for competition, all of them handpicked from the things that he enjoys most about detectives. 

It’s also worth mentioning that all of the authors for these stories I’m associating with Hakuba are British. The thought of him being passionate about English authors as a way to understand his English side of the family is a headcanon I quite enjoy. And, technically, the same could apply to his Japanese side as well. I can imagine young Saguru reading Rampo’s Kogoro Akechi stories and also wanting a rival like the Fiend of Twenty Faces and jumping at the chance of chasing KID because how much he resembles the character. Or appreciating Akako’s cryptic clues because Rampo’s fiction also has supernatural edge to it. 

I don’t know. I just like the idea of Saguru learning about the world, his family, and himself through literature? This is pure, unapologetic self-indulgence on my part, I have to admit. 

Though, if I HAD to assign one specific detective to Saguru, I think it would probably be Poe’s C. Auguste Dupin. Poe’s stories with the character as seen as the start of detective fiction, and Dupin serves as the prototype for detectives to come — even Holmes, even if he doesn’t get nearly as much recognition as Conan Doyle’s detective today. Despite the fact that Hakuba is the original teenage detective in the series, and he’s also often forgotten and neglected by both Gosho and a big portion of the fandom. Even so, he paved the way for Shinichi and Heiji, and is very important regardless. 

Anyway! I don’t know why I wrote this and I am now very embarrassed but thanks for reading all the way!

[ninjago-happens-here]

@ninjago-angst-week sorry I'm late!

Day 6: Anger

Kai hates the universe for everything. Surprisingly, his teammates don’t agree.

Or 5 times where Kai lets anger control him, and 1 time he doesn't.

Word count: 13,944

- Nya - It’s been 6 days. Kai has spent all his time at Wu’s Monastery doing nothing but training and passing out from exhaustion. The only reason why he kept going was his love of his sister- and his spite against the universe. First Spinjitsu Master, why had Lord-fucking-Germadon take his sister as a hostage? He was just a poor blacksmith, trying his best to make ends meet and to get a proper education for his bright, 14-year-old sister. But the universe has decided to throw another curveball at him by forcing him to become a ninja and complete this stupid course-

“ARGH!” Kai shouted in frustration as he was thrown off by the training course, again. “Failed,” Wu said and took a sip of his tea. Punching the obstacle course, with another shout, Kai seethed, seeing the colour red dancing all over his eyes. What did the old man know about saving people anyways? Why can’t he just fight Wu and be done with it? Graduate his class, be finally given the location to where his sister is, and end this chapter of his life- because he was all for it.

Looking for his tormentor, Kai noticed that Wu has slipped away, with all the stealth that only a ninja master has.

Taking deep breaths, Kai balled his fists even tighter, nails pressing indents into his palms. Tomorrow. There still was tomorrow. And by god was he going to pass because he won’t let his sister spend another day in captivity.

All he needed to do was complete the training course before Wu finishes his tea.

He had done it. Of course, it took a well-timed sword throw to technically pass, but he was done sitting around and waiting for some unknown force to rescue Nya. Master Wu told him to get a goodnight’s rest as they were going to leave in the morning. Yeah right. As if he wasn’t going to spend this night tossing and turning around again.

He didn’t spend the night staring into the ceiling of the monastery. Rather, he was rudely ambushed by 3 men dressed in black, who actually weren’t as much of a challenge that Kai thought they would pose. Huh, maybe the training Sensei Wu put him through was pretty useful after all.

All praises for the cryptic old man were thrown away once Wu revealed the 3 men to be his students. Seriously? Didn’t Wu just tell him to get a good night’s rest? Kai barely kept the snarl inside him when Wu did his spinjitzu thingy and he suddenly was in an entirely different get-up.

Hey! Kai thought angrily. What’s the big deal? The garment was loose-fitting and a solid shade of red, and whilst red may be Kai’s colour, the garb was still drab-looking and overall, not something Kai would have picked out for himself..

Wu then gave a quick introduction of the 3 men who attacked him, who were probably called Jey, Zain, and Coal. Hey, don’t look at him like that! It’s not like he had the time to go to school and learn Maths and the Ninjago Alphabet. Anyways, they were all, apparently Elemental Masters? Of lightning, ice and earth nonetheless. Now, Kai can understand Earth. And Kai of course can give a testament to fire. But what do lightning and ice have to do with the elements? Shouldn’t it be Air, Water, Earth, and Fire or something along those lines? What was the FSM thinking, naming these the elements of creation?

Just as Kai was about to head back into the monastery and actually catch a few Zs, Wu called to them telling them that they have to protect the 4 weapons of spinjitzu in order to beat Garmadon to them, for the Skulkin must have taken the map that Wu had hidden in the Four Weapons.

“And rescue my sister,” Kai stated, daring anyone to challenge this non-negotiable mission.

“We’re rescuing a girl? Is she hot?” The ninja in blue (seriously, why blue on a ninja? It really does not help his stealth) just straight up asked Kai if his sister was hot. Kai’s first instinct, of course, was to punch Jay hard in the teeth, followed by an elbow straight to his gut. But if he was going to be teammates with this guy, he had to control his urges and only glare at him through the convenient slit in his mask. The blue ninja chuckled nervously as Kai’s eyes bore holes into him.

“Does she like blue?”

“Back. Off.”

“When we find the weapons, we will find your sister. We rise at dawn to look for the Scythe of Quakes in the Caves of Despair,” Wu concluded the impromptu meeting at night, which diffused the tension between Kai and Jay. The fiery anger he felt pooling in the balls of his hands started to dissipate. In fact, most of his energy was gone too. Kai felt like he was sagging under the weight on his shoulders and immediately headed for his room, where he collapsed immediately upon reaching the soft, inviting mattress. It was the best sleep he had in possibly years.

Of course, Sensei Wu upheld his promise of rousing them at dawn to go collect the first Golden Weapon. What he didn’t warn the ninja beforehand was that he was going to use them to be his literal slaves, and Kai spent the morning running whilst pulling a carriage like a horse. This has to be illegal, Kai grumbled to himself. He was starting to be seriously short on breath. Luckily, his teammates seem to at least have some strength and endurance training, so whilst he was stationed at the easy middle, Cole was at the front spearheading the charge whilst still holding conversations like it was no big deal.

“So…huff, how did Sensei find you guys?” Kai panted, wanting to learn more about his teammates.

“Let’s just say if it wasn’t for Sensei Wu, we wouldn’t be seen together.“ Cole started

“I was testing my limits,” Cole gave a brief description of how when he was rock climbing, he found Sensei Wu already at the top of the mountain, drinking tea and offering him a cup.

“I was testing my inventions,” Jay also panted out, and tried to ramble about how he was testing a flying machine and crashed through a billboard (what?) before seeing Sensei Wu, was also drinking tea and offering him a cup. He couldn’t really talk too much, because at this point he was getting tired too.

“And I, was testing myself,” Zane said, whilst recalling how he was practicing to hold his breath underwater for even longer periods of time when he found Sensei Wu sitting next to him at the bottom of the pond, still somehow drinking tea before offering some to him, which immediately led Zane to choke.

“You’re right, if it wasn’t for Sensei, none of us would-” Kai said before Wu shouted at them to stop. They were here.

Immediately, everything felt more real to Kai. The drowsiness that he felt clouding his mind was cleared as pure adrenaline shot through his veins. He couldn’t fail now. Not when Nya’s life was on his hands. All he has to do was to collect 4 Ancient Weapons that have powers and he would be able to face off with Lord Garmadon. Jumping into action, he weaved through the Skulkin that were strolling and working in the area, body moving in autopilot and mind focusing on only one thing: Get the weapon.

On his way to the opening of the cave, Kai spotted Samurai reading the map to the 4 Golden Weapons on a watchtower. Kai immediately took a detour and climbed up onto the roof, where he could see Samukai reading the map.

“What’s the matter with you,” Jay whispered, hitting Kai on the head. Kai shushed him, before returning to watch Samukai laugh menacingly whilst holding the map upside down. Kai wondered how incompetent he was one week ago to have let this guy kidnap his sister. “The Golden Weapon is near,” Zane observed, before taking out a shuriken with a rope attached before looking at Cole for confirmation and then throwing it done, landing squarely in the middle of the map before pulling it back, holding the prize squarely in his hands.

There was no time to waste. Kai immediately backflipped off the building before climbing to the outcrop where 2 guards were stationed. Picking up a convenient lamp head, Kai carefully snuck by the 2 guards before ducking into the cave system. Kai began to start pushing the rock blocking the path to the weapon. But no matter how much he exerted himself, it didn’t move one inch. He felt like he was trying to make a sword again, doing everything he could but still failing. Grunting and groaning, Kai gave it his all.

Not soon enough, Kai heard the footsteps of his teammates.

“Hey, before you race off again, you gotta remember that we’re a team.” Cole’s patronizing voice made Kai stop his futile attempts at trying to push the boulder on his own. Kai looked at the 3 Ninja before sighing. “Yeah, whatever.”

The white, black and blue Ninja gathered around him and they all started to push, actually managing to shift the rock. Giving the rock his all, Kai did enough on his part to be suddenly be blasted by a golden light, shining from the cavern behind the rock. As his eyes got used to the sudden brightness, Kai spotted the Golden Scythe, sitting on top of a weird creature’s head.

“Woah, that is SO COOL!” Jay exclaimed, and his voice reverberated throughout the entire cave. Kai cringed from his volume. Here’s to hoping that the entire skeleton army outside won’t discover them. Cole shushed Jay again, before pulling out the Golden Scythe and jumping back down onto the cave floor. Wrapping it in a sheet of canvas, Cole once again reminded Jay to not be so loud.

“Oh, don’t be paranoid!” Jay brushed off the sentiment. Kai couldn’t believe that this guy was his teammate. “We’re totally on the other side of the caves!”

“Zip it, okay?” Cole admonished the blue Ninja whilst handing the wrapped Scythe of Quakes to Kai. It’s okay with him. As long as he can make sure that this weapon is safe which in turn ensures that Nya is safe, he’s alright with taking the Scythe. “Now that we’ve got the Scythe, let’s sneak out whilst the boneheads are still busy.”

“Alright team, everyone sticks together. Way out is right around the corn-“ Cole suddenly came face to face with Samukai. All Kai could think at that moment was Fuck the blue guy. Because seriously. Now he was going to have to fight these guys. And alright, honestly- Kai was more than happy to throw hands with the skeletons that captured his sister. In fact, he’s been waiting all week to do so. But come on, this guy was supposed to be a ninja? Pulling out his sword, Kai stayed in the middle of his teammates for a bit as they tried their hardest to protect the Scythe, but quickly they were drawn by enemies elsewhere and the red ninja was left in a precarious situation.

“Kai! Throw it here!” Thank god for Zane. Honestly, he took back what he said about how this guy takes things a bit too seriously, now that he was in the heat of battle and could feel every beat of his heart. Kai heaved the heavy weapon to Zane. Immediately, the heat was taken off him and Zane had to pass the Scythe to Cole as he was dog-piled by 3 Skulkin in seconds. Cole made it past a long line of skeletons before catching the Golden Weapon, but Kai could see 5 to 6. no, 9, 10- argh, who cares! Either way, there were too many enemies.

“Let me handle it!” Jay shouted, taking out a couple of enemies quickly, before exclaiming, “Hey! Guys!”

“It’s just like the training course! Over the planks, dodge the swords- here comes the dummy!”

Kai heard multiple enemies being defeated before a bright blue light shined through the caverns as this guy did spinjitzu. What. The. Heck. Kai’s level of respect for him instantly rose.

“Jay! What’s the key?” Kai waved at his teammate desperately. He had to do spinjitzu too- if he ever was going to see Nya again.

“Hehe, I’m just going through the motions! This is what Sensei must have meant when he said we already know it!” Jay laughed from inside his tornado as Kai watch him take down 4 enemies in one second. Kai contemplated this for a moment, before relying on his muscle memory to dodge a couple of Skulkin.

“Over the planks, dodge the swords- here comes the dummy!” Spinning in a beautiful vortex of red, orange, and yellow, Kai saw the world around him slow down as he moved with enhanced power and agility, taking down enemies with incredible ease.

“RETREAT!” Samurai shouted, and Kai could hear the screams of the skeleton army mixing with the beautiful chime of his team’s spinjitzu. Slowing down, Kai stopped his spinjitzu and surprisingly, didn’t feel dizzy. Man, this spinjitzu thing is really cool.

“Hah! Guess they didn’t want a second serving of these babies,” Cole flexed his biceps as Kai and Jay both shook their heads in dismay. “Good thing they didn’t check out the merchandise on the back!”

From the corner of his eye, Kai watched as Cole turned around to emphasise his point. Alright, 2 can play at the end game. Raising the Golden Weapon of Spinjitsu, Kai cheered and high fives Jay. That dude has many faults, but he would be able to have Kai’s back in a moment of need, and Kai vows to watch his back too.

“Uh… guys?” Cole stammered. Kai and Jay rolled their eyes. What was Cole trying to get at now?

“Didn’t Sensei say there was a guardian protecting the weapons?” Zane recalled. Kai tilted his head to the side, before turning to his right AND WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT.

“Is that- a..a, that’s- not what I think it is, isit?” Cole blubbered, his voice an octave higher.

“Y-you mean a dragon?” Jay stammered.

“Uh, that sure looks like a dragon!” Kai panicked, his voice on the edge of a scream.

“I sense that we won’t be able to spin our way out of this one,” Zane stated with the calmest out of any of them.

Out of the blue, the dragon breathed out a breath of earth, and Kai was suddenly flung to the side. Screams filled the cavern as his teammates landed from their dodge. getting up on his feet, Kai immediately started to run towards the exit, clutching the Golden Weapon tightly. Unfortunately, they were cornered, and Kai did the only thing he thought he could.

Removing the canvas, Kai moved to use the weapon but was stopped by Jay, stating something about how Sensei told them not to.

“Well you better keep your mouth shut,” Kai growled as he ran towards the otherworldly creature. Nothing was going to stand in his way from reaching his sister. Cole shouted something at him, but he raised the weapon high above his head and brought it down to the earth in front of the dragon, causing a split in the ground like a fault line and the cave started to shake. The dragon was temporarily rendered stunned as a large piece of rock fell on his head. It reacted too late, for Kai and his team were getting out of here.

“We gotta escape!” Kai said frantically. Looking up, he and his team saw the caverns opening up to the skies. “We’ll use spinjitzu!” Cole proclaimed, and Kai spun into his tornado, finding that the boost in speed and strength was exactly what he needed to make through the opening in the ceiling of the cave.

Landing on the ground in front of his sensei (on both feet, take that Zane and Jay!) Kai immediately devolved into cheering and celebrating with his teammates, because who wouldn’t after such an adrenaline high? They were 1 weapon closer to finding Nya, and Kai had learned the amazing art of Spinjitsu, and he had just escaped from a dragon.

“ENOUGH!” Sensei Wu shouted. Kai immediately felt his mood sinking. “I told you not to use the scythe!!” Of course, Jay, then Cole, immediately threw Kai under the bus.

“Using it was my only option!” Kai said, starting to get frustrated with his teacher and teammates. Couldn’t they see it that was a matter of life or death? He just saved all of their sorry asses!

“And what makes you think that you’re more important than your team? Huh? Huh!?” Wu got closer to Kai’s face, and he was not happy. Not happy with this at all.

“They took my sister, remember?” Kai stated angrily. Who did the old man think he was? Nya was everything to him, and losing her- Kai did not want to think about losing her.

“There are still 3 weapons left. Maybe next time, you can do it right,” Wu admonished him, and Kai could only watch as his teammates follow in their master’s footsteps. Whatever. It’s not like he needed a team. Hoisting the scythe onto his shoulders, Kai swore that nothing, not even the First Spinjitsu himself, would stop him from saving Nya.

Over the course of the next few days, Kai learned of a technique called the ‘Tornado of Creation’ as they journeyed all over north Ninjago and found 2 of the remaining 3 weapons. Just before they headed to the Fire Temple, Wu made them all rest, for some reason he was unwiring to share. Kai privately thought that it was for them to recuperate their energy because his sister was going to be the one they rescue next, and once he got his hands on the Sword of Fire, nothing would be able to stand in his way, his team included. If he was being honest with himself, Kai was grateful that they had time to celebrate his past achievements. They had been through so much climbing, exploring, and journeying these fast few days and they have beaten Garmadon’s Army too many times to not do something about it. His mood was so great that he even invited Sensei Wu to dance with them as Cole played the bongo drums that they had stolen from the skeleton army at one point.

Kai didn’t know when he fell asleep, but what he did know was that he was roused awake by a voice whispering his name. At first, he was groggy with exhaustion, but the second time Nya called out to him, Kai was wide awake. Looking at the source of the sound, Kai saw his sister standing directly at the edge of his camp. Immediately, Kai felt a great wave of relief wash over him. His sister looked, at least in the dark, fine and free from any visible injuries. He was just about to get up and reunite with his sister when she suddenly stated that she had to go, and started to run away from him.

Kai immediately shot to his feet, alarmed. There was definitely something wrong. He followed her as best as he could through the dense forest, calling out to her, but not receiving a reply. He was led to a temple sitting right next to a volcano. Ghostly whispers of his name reached him as he saw his sister’s vague figure entering the temple.

“Nya?” In a heartbeat, he arrived at the front of the temple. Fully pushing open the doors, Kai was blown away by the cavern and the inviting, welcoming warmth of the lava that slowly cranked up the further he went. In fact, it was slowly stifling, and Kai wanted to grab Nya and get out as fast as he could. Looking all over the place for her, Kai saw the image of his sister appear right in front of the Sword of Fire.

“Nya!” Kai said with a smile, running towards the platform. He was praising FSM for this miracle when suddenly, he skidded to a halt as Nya transformed into a large shadow that laughed menacingly. It was Garmadon. And he- was dangling Nya, wrapped in iron chains, on top of a pool of lava.

“KAI!!” Nya shouted desperately. The red ninja called back to his sister, as Garmadon taunted him, stating that only by removing the sword, could he save his sister. And as much as Kai hated the fact- Garmadon was right. There was nothing he could do but take the sword and save his sister. Nya begged Kai not to listen, but the chain had suddenly lowered her even more, and the screams of his baby sister were too much for Kai to bear. Taking a deep breath, Kai did a series of acrobatics pulling out the Sword of Fire and doing spinjitzu on the walls in order to get to Nya, and then to get her to safety on the other side. Landing o the warm rock, Kai pulled his sister up and told her to stay close.

Then Garmadon appeared directly in front of him, and Kai changed his mind. Not long after, he was getting beat up by a shadow- a shadow of all things! Then, Garmadon played extremely dirty and duplicated himself, and in no time at all, Kai lost the sword and Garmadon picked it up. Tired, out of breath, and running on a combined 18 hours of sleep this past week and a half, Kai collapsed and couldn’t move any further.

Just in time, Sensei Wu arrived and started to use his shadow to properly fight Garmadon. As Kai could only sit and watch, he saw Sensei Wu’s incredible usage of shadows, and his respect for him rose even more. But soon, the feeling of calmness turned into panic as he remembered his 3 teammates who were probably out like a light.

Nya gave Kai a hand to stand up, and they both moved to be closer to Wu. Soon, they were assaulted by Garmadon showing them that the Skulkin has taken Kai’s brothers and 3 of the 4 Golden Weapons.

“My brother must not unite the 4 weapons. We must keep them apart!” Sensei Wu commanded, to which Garmadon responded by rousing the dragon guardian. With a swipe of its flaming hot tail, the Fire Dragon blocked the entrance of the Fire Temple. There was no way out.

“He’s taken away all our options!” Kai said, starting to panic even more as the Fire Dragon breathed on them.

“All but one.” And soon, Kai lost his Sensei to the Underworld. Feeling terribly guilty for not being a better student and teammate, Kai collapsed on his knees. However, he was soon confronted with greater, immediate danger.

Luckily, he seemed to be able to talk down the dragon that was guarding the sword. They reached an understanding that they were trying to protect the weapons from Garmadon, and just in time too. He heard his teammates outside the temple and Flare did too, opening the temple dramatically. Too soon, he had to split from Nya again. But he would return in no time at all, with all members on his team.

Through a great load of traveling by dragon, managing to use the Tornado of Creation, and watching Samurai get vaporised whilst Garmadon passed into a portal to another realm, they eventually returned to Ignacia, and Kai could finally feel safe again. Of course, he immediately slept for 3 days straight after making sure that Nya was doing alright and that she could take care of herself for the next few days.

This was not the first time he was fuelled by only his fire, and unfortunately for his body- it would not be the last.

- Lloyd - The next time that Kai could say with 100% certainty that he hated the universe was when Garmadon decided that it was a good idea to turn them into all children. They then had to be saved by Lloyd, his baby brother, but in return- he had grown. Too fast. Way too fast.

And Kai had to look at his failure, his inability to protect Lloyd because it falls on his shoulder to at least stay beside the green bean whilst he deals with the fact that he was older now. And whatever fallout was happening with his body. Because whilst Lloyd can try to insist that he’s fine for the 100th time, Kai is not letting him get out of bed whilst he has a 40 degree fever.

So whilst Kai stews angrily at the edge of Lloyd’s bed, he reflects on all the things he’s going to punch the First Spinjitsu Master for. Honestly, he did not know where the thought came from, but today was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Kai will be honest- he hadn’t always been this friendly with Lloyd. In fact, if he saw someone else doing what he did to the kid when they first met, he would sock them in the eye, no questions asked. (In fact, he wanted to do that to himself now.) But then he got close to the brat. He saw himself in the kid, just- lost without an anchor as Kai had in Nya. And the ‘demon spawn’ became ‘kid’, and ‘kid’ became Kai’s baby brother. Kai’s baby brother who he lost at the arcade just because he was too focused on his ego, going after the damned Samurai who turned out to be his baby sister. Seems like Kai can’t do much protecting at all.

After Kai had rescued Lloyd from the volcano (Fuck you Pythor), it was revealed that Lloyd was the Green Ninja, and would, in turn, have to fight Garmadon And whilst at first Kai felt elated that the search for the Green Ninja was long over, he then felt horrible to see Garmadon and Lloyd falling out as both knew that they had to fight each other. Kai could see Lloyd’s lip tremble as his father released the hug, and almost start to cry when Garmadon disappeared after having saved the Ninja and the fang blades.

He knew that Lloyd had it especially hard, seeking his father’s approval and attention, yet not getting it as Garmadon tried his hardest to delay the oncoming final battle, but furthered it instead. He saw Lloyd look incredibly small in their tiny apartment, and wished that he had just earned more money, or that he had somehow managed to defeat the Great devourer instead of Garmadon.

Yet all he could do was comfort Lloyd when he opens up about Darkley’s (boy, wasn’t that’s something they’d have to unpack in the future) before they returned to the accursed school, or treat Lloyd’s sore muscles before the kid has to inevitably wake up at 5 AM tomorrow to do an insane amount of training.

He hates how all the pressure in the world is hoisted by the shoulders of his baby brother, and he would do anything, anything to give Lloyd a good childhood.

Now, he can’t even do that. Unless the element of time exists, all he could do was count the numbers of a good childhood Lloyd had on one hand. And goddamnit. All Kai really wanted to do was to give Lloyd the childhood didn’t have, not the incomplete one he had given Nya that ended with a kidnapping. Was that too much to ask for?

A drop of a hot tear escaped Kai’s eyes and rolled down his cheek. Quickly snapping his head towards Lloyd, he saw that he’s fallen asleep. Okay, thank FSM for that. Kai did not want Lloyd to see his big brother cry. Now, Kai didn’t want to be a bad brother. But he wasn’t Lloyd’s only family left. He’ll just ask Zane to watch over him as he runs the training course at Dareth’s dojo.

Or maybe not, Kai thought as he sat on the roof, hidden by water tanks and billboards as he had a meltdown. He didn’t even know why he was crying! All he knows is that suddenly, he can’t stop the water flowing from his eyes, even as his own body heat evaporates them as soon as they are shed. His head was still stuffy even though the night air breezed past him. All he wanted to do was to shout, screen- anything to release the tension he’s been building up in his body. Now that he’s reached his breaking point, he was ready to release like a coiled spring.

But he couldn’t. They were living in the midst of Ninjago city, not on the Destiny’s Bounty. And they would get kicked out of their cramped apartment if Kai just shouted at the night skies. So Kai hissed, growled, and wrapped his hands around himself, and squeezed as much as he could. He wanted to fight anybody, be it serpentine, skulkin, Garmadon, or even the First Spinjitsu Master himself.

The air around him got even more suffocating as his fist couldn’t find anything to connect to.

And suddenly, the roof hatch opened suddenly, scaring the living hell out of Kai Smith. Jumping into action and getting into a ready stance, Kai immediately felt the tension dissipate as it revealed that it was just Cole.

“Wow Kai, you must be really wounded up to be spooked like that,” Cole commented whilst giving Kai a smirk. Kai glared back at his team leader before futilely trying to wipe his face clean. Ah well. He tried. Cole snorted. “I always knew that you were a big softy.”

“Got any reason why you came up here?” Kai grunted. His ego had taken enough bruising these past few weeks.

“Of course buddy. I needed to spar with someone at full strength, and since Zane is looking after Lloyd and Jay won’t be able to effectively take my hits, I had to find you.”

“Psh, whatever. You’re in luck that I need to let off some heat too,” Kai shrugged off.

“Cool. Race you to Dareth’s Dojo?”  “You’re on.”

In a few minutes, Kai would come to regret his decision. Hey, it wasn’t his idea to race with the idiot who got himself dehydrated via crying. Still, falling in only just a step behind Cole (It’s been 80 years, Coke joked), he grabbed the energy drink Cole held out to him and take an unprofessionally huge gulp. Man, was he going to feel that later. Still, a promise was a promise, even if it was a verbal agreement. He watched Cole do his warm-up stretches before settling into his own normal routine.

Too soon, they rolled out the sparring mats, and Kai had a fleeting feeling of vertigo. Why had he agreed to this again? Oh yeah. Lloyd’s life is shit, and I can’t do anything. Balling his fists tightly, he started to bounce from on the balls of his feet.

Too soon, he ended up on the mat. And then again. And again. When he was defeated for the 4th time, Cole called for a break and sat down next to Kai, who was lying on the mat and just staring straight into the sky.

“Why did destiny make him grow up so fast?” Kai’s voice was trembling too hard for even Cole’s liking. “It’s not your fault-“

“IT IS MY FAULT! My fault, that I couldn’t protect him! Not from the serpentine, not from Garmadon, not from destiny!What’s my worth as a protector if I can’t even defend the one destiny said I must?!” Kai wailed out, enraged with everything. After his anger outburst, Kai breathed out deeply as his whole body sagged, the tension broken. They sat in silence as Kai contemplated what he was going to do next.

“You know Kai? Maybe you should talk with the Green Bean about this. But just so you know, no one is blaming you for what Garmadon had to do, and in turn what Lloyd had to do in order to save all of us,” Cole responded and stood up. “Thank you anyways for agreeing to spar with me.”

He offered a hand, to which Kai grabbed and was pulled upright.

“You go ahead. I’ll go wipe down the mats here,” Cole stated. It was a regular schedule that they had made up in order to reduce the amount of traffic using their tiny bathroom, and Kai gratefully accepted the chance to go first. If he was going to talk to Lloyd, he had to at least get his spikes up to regular Kai standard.

After doing the bare minimum amount of cool-down stretches, Kai took a swig of the energy drink as he jogged back home. After showering and gelling up his hair, Kai was ready to sit down with Lloyd and just- talk. He finished his bottle and prepared some sandwiches as the sun rose on Ninjago City, showering the apartment in fragmented light.

Just on time, Lloyd returned from his morning run, this time accompanied by Zane. Kai patiently waited for him to be done with his shower before Lloyd sat down right beside him and took out a peanut butter and jam sandwich from the small pile on the plate. Zane gave Kai an acknowledging nod as he went to grab his work bag before going back out the door.

“Hey, bud. How’re you doing?” Kai started tentatively. Lloyd, having just taken a huge bite of the pb&j, looked mildly alarmed at the confrontation, but still answered after finishing the bite.

“…honestly Kai? My bones don’t feel on fire anymore and Zane has said that my fever had gone down through the night. Still, I don’t regret what I had done,” Lloyd responded earnestly before taking another bite of the bread. If Kai didn’tknow better he would have thought that the kid had faced starvation before, because he was still eating as if the food could be taken away at any moment. Keyword: thought.

Kai really wanted to continue the talk after Lloyd had his fill, but knew that Lloyd’s busy schedule didn’t allow for such talks. So, he pushed down all the instincts that screamed that he was a bad brother and gritted his teeth.

“I know that that wasn’t your choice-“

“It was my choice!” Lloyd cut in even though he was still chewing. Gulping down another mouthful of food, Lloyd continued. “… because if I couldn’t even consider that my choice, how much of my life can I say that belongs to me?”

Kai was stunned into silence. In his mind, he didn’t think that Lloyd had thought of throwing the tea like that. He wondered how much Lloyd had been holding in inside of him, how much he had to endure being told by people that he hadn’t had a choice. Thinking back to the time where he couldn’t save Nya without listening to others on what he had to do, Kai felt even worse. Cole was right- he wasn’t at fault for this specific action that Lloyd did, but he was at fault for not being understanding enough, or even approachable enough.

Taking advantage of Kai’s speechlessness, Lloyd finished up his sandwich before reaching into the pile and taking out another, this time picking out a Nutella and cheese combination.

“It’s not just that. Now, I can finally go on missions with you guys. Now, you guys don’t have to hold back on me, and I can train for longer amounts of time. The Final Battle will be on us whether we’re ready or not, and I too would feel much safer if I am prepared to… to face my father,” Lloyd said before continuing to stuff his face with breakfast.

Kai’s brain began to work again, and he formulated a good enough response. “…Alright buddy, but just so you know, you’re still not going on missions with us.” Lloyd’s face immediately formed a pout and Kai grinned, rubbing his blonde hair. “Also, since when did you start speaking like that? ‘The Final Battle will be on us whether we’re ready or not.' Wow, such language. Much eloquence.”

“That’s because you guys gave me 2 hours to spend studying Uncle Wu’s books every day,” Lloyd huffed in annoyance, having finished another mouthful of bread. “But seriously Kai, please don’t be angry for me. It really isn’t your fault.”

Kai mused over those words as he watched Jay trained Lloyd with his acrobatic abilities. Of course, the kid was still getting used to his taller and larger limbs, but Kai could see him improve at an incredibly fast rate. Lloyd was right, in a sense. He didn’t really have the legal right to worry over Lloyd’s physical and mental wellness, but still- he was Kai. Master of Fire, protector of the Green Ninja, and he should be allowed to feel the fuel of his anger at any time he so pleases. If it happens to be an injustice to his trainee and well- who can blame him?

He accidentally fell asleep during Lloyd and Jay’s training, having to catch up to last night’s lost sleep, and boy was that a bad idea. He forgot one of the most important rules within the Ninja’s family: Do not fall asleep when with Lloyd and Jay, because those two can pull some terrible pranks.

Kai didn’t notice anything wrong until he passed Dareth’s trophies and saw that his beautiful hair was not spiked. Kai swore that when he sees those two again, he would chase after them until they begged for mercy because Kai cannot be seen in public with hair like this! Feeling his eye twitch, Kai wondered if Lloyd was going to be the cause of him popping a blood vessel.

Years later, Kai would realise that indeed, Lloyd would give him his first grey hair at 19. That damned brat.

- Zane - When Zane… left the team, all Kai could feel was a sense of numbness. He floated through a fuzzy reality as nothing seemed real to him anymore. His family was in shambles, broken pieces that were scattered without their missing piece completing them. The fact that Zane was gone didn’t really register to him until they had asked Lloyd to do a speech honouring the titanium ninja. Lloyd, face as pale as the gi Zane used to wear, couldn’t say any words, so he volunteered to step up for his brother. Lloyd looked at him with thanks, before disappearing off to whatever world he was in just moments before. Kai joined him, staring aimlessly at their ceiling, before having to get up and pen down words that he was going to say, to honour Zane.

He realised that he couldn’t, really couldn’t. The words just wouldn’t come out of his ink pen, even though he was pretty much literate now. He could only manage to jot down a few words that summarised what Zane was to him. A brother. A teammate. A fellow Ninja. Built to protect those who cannot protect themselves. But words can't do Zane justice. How could he capture Zane's cool-like grace, his calm calculation when it matters most? Zane's amazing cooking, his incredible kindness, and all-around sweet nature? How could he describe his first time meeting him, first time working with him, when he discovered his true potential and saved all of their sorry asses? How could he do all that?

Hot, angry tears dribbled down from Kai’s eyes as he hunched over their kitchen table. No, this wasn’t going to do. Kai decides that he'll just have to wing it.

As soon as he had finished his speech and paid proper respect to Zane, Kai left his family and just wandered around aimlessly, going from bar to bar to drink and inevitably get into fights.

Having been thrown out of almost all bars in Ninjago city for ‘disrupting common services’, whatever that was supposed to mean, Kai soon found himself standing in front of Yang’s Tavern. From what he heard, this place was run by quite a few Serpentine and they had a ‘Slither Pit’. Whatever that meant. What Kai needed to do was to feel his fist connect to something flesh-like, and he will be okay.

Months passed, as Kai found himself falling deeper and deeper into Ninjago’s criminal organisations. Under the name ‘The Red Shogun’, he would remain the undefeated champion, all whilst working for different kinds of bosses as ‘security’. Kai knew that he shouldn’t be doing this, that he shouldn’t be helping criminals get away with their criminal activity, shouldn’t have let human merchandise go under his nose. But he couldn’t bring himself to care. Nothing really mattered after Zane’s death. Nothing had mattered at all. Kai was stuck down in the pits of hell, drinking himself to half-death before the barkeep regulated his intake just so that he could bring in the cash that Kai made through betting, before receiving poor attempts to reach out by Lloyd.

Somehow, the kid had gotten the number of his burner phone. He even sent mail to the bar, to which Kai and his bar buddies had laughed at. Kai didn’t feel too bad for ignoring the kid. Zane’s death was partially his fault anyways. (Nromal Kai would have been horrified to hear him think this.) Kai was angry. Angry that Lloyd didn’t try hard enough. Didn’t try hard enough to defeat the Overlord, when he had a clear shot. Angry that Lloyd had apparently failed to defeat the Overlord 100%. Angry that he had been captured whilst literally wielding the power of God, only for the Overlord to use its incredible power to construct a new body. Angry that Lloyd didn’t try hard enough to keep the team together, to reach out to him, or even to speak at Zane’s funeral.

But above all, Kai was angry at himself. Angry that he had made fun of Zane for his passions and clothes. Angry that he did not try hard enough to train Lloyd, and ultimately failed to be with him in the ‘Final’ battle. Angry that he couldn’t have done his job as a ninja properly, getting captured and tied to a rocket ship which only made them have to try rescuing him instead of stopping Project Arcturus. Angry that he couldn’t do anything when Zane took on the Overlord by himself again.

And Kai was angry at Ninjago. At the world. At the universe. At the First Spinjitsu Master, who had no right to decide that his family had to face the world like that. Angry, and wondering why he was being put through this kind of torture: not being able to live, and yet not willing to die. Kai was a man of action and he had to stay in motion- so his knuckles split. So he goes ‘home’, to the hotel room in Yang’s Tavern, covered in bruises and sometimes even blood- just not his. So he has to take part in crimes, never rising above the level of a security guard, all whilst feeling terrible. He did not know how to get out of this state and feared that if he did, he would collapse into a lump of uselessness.

He fought all day and night, and in the moments where he wasn’t fighting, he was drinking. His sleeping schedule has shifted to between 6 AM and 2 PM. All whilst he kept grieving over a death that was not deserved.

After a year, Lloyd somehow inexplicably showed up on his doorstep, telling Kai to not drink too much ‘juice’ (he rolled his eyes at that and smiled fondly at Lloyd’s innocence) and asked him to show up at Chen’s noodle house where he was holding a meeting with his other teammates.

Unexpectedly, this led to a discovery that instantly brightened Kai’s mood before dampening it slightly. Zane was alive! But they had to fight through… an elemental tournament to get him? At this point in time, Kai was alright with doing anything, anything to get Zane back.

Just 2 weeks later, Kai would hesitantly retract his statement. Sure, they had gotten Zane back, but in exchange, Lloyd had to lose Garmadon to the Cursed Realm. Kai wonders if they’ll ever be able to make it through a fight with everyone intact, but today wasn’t about him. He felt a familiar spark of rage burning brightly through his chest as he watched Lloyd trying and failing to smile. From the corner of his eye, he saw Zane approaching him.

“Kai, can we talk for a moment?” Oh, dear. What is this about now? Was it about how Kai had almost killed their baby brother over a stupid staff?  Or the fact that Kai had very stupidly fallen for the Criminal Mastermind’s daughter? Did Zane find out about his criminal activity?

Well, it wasn’t everything that Kai had thought would happen, although the topic had come stupidly close to the last point. Zane confronted him, making him open up about his ‘feelings’ or whatever, before telling Kai that the alcohol content in his body was too high and that his livers were on the edge of failing. Well. Good to know that Zane is still regular old Zane who’d scan you without permission.

“Kai, all I’m saying is that you are free to tell me anything. To just let it all out -“

“I can’t let it all out!” Kai shouted in annoyance. What did Zane know about grieving- Oh wait. Doctor Julien. Well, what did Zane know about Kai’s specific method of dealing with his issues? He was fine.

“Why not, Kai?” Zane asked with a bittersweet smile. Kai looked around, desperately searching for an answer that he doesn’t have.

“Well- I can’t tell you that! Just know that it’s okay for me to feel angry!” Kai stated very, very eloquently. Zane just gave him a look that said ‘bullshit’. “It’s also okay for you to be sad, and to cry.”

“You’re-you’re wrong!”

“And you’re a hypocrite, Kai. You can’t make Lloyd do the right choices if you aren’t gonna do them yourself.”

“Well- Lloyd’s just a child! A teenager at best, really. Me? I’m a fully legal adult! I can make my own decisions!” Kai seethed. Zane looked sad for a moment, before straightening up and doubling down.

“Whilst according to Mill’s Harm Principle, you’re free to do anything that could harm yourself without damaging others, might I remind you that you’re still a role model for Lloyd, Nya, and even Jay? Please, Kai. If you can’t do it for yourself, at least do it for them.” Zane pleaded. And damn it. Whilst Kai wouldn’t lift a finger to save himself, just the thought of Lloyd doing what he’s done sent a shiver down his spine. Zane was right, as always. He had to be the big brother, and being the older brother means that he has to display healthy habits more. FSM knows that Lloyd would need it. So he sucked up his pride, arrogance, and ego, then threw it all away, metaphorically off the Bounty

He knew that they would always come creeping back to him later, but for now, Lloyd needed a functional older brother, and Kai was going to be exactly what he needs.

“Thank you, Zane,” Kai stated. Grinning, Zane waved Kai on to go save Lloyd, who now looked like he was drowning from some invisible force.

“Lloyd? Lloyd buddy, you there?”

- Cole - Of course, Kai couldn’t stop his blood pressure from reaching a boiling point. How could he? This month had been the worst month for his health since- well, since forever! Who would’ve thought that Wu’s dead first student would escape the Cursed Realm just to possess Lloyd in order to exact an act of stupid, grand revenge because he didn’t get the title of the Green Ninja?

Kai had to fight his baby brother, lose the staff of the First Spinjitsu Master, fail to defeat ghosts, bargain with a stupidcrook for some weapons that were actually effective to ghosts all whilst looking for the scroll of Airjitzu, who guess what? Turns out Ronin had it all along. And he had just handed it to Morro, which caused all of them to go to this cursedtemple, which was designed to be a terribly haunted house, because it just amplified Kai’s fear of water a 100 times more, and all that culminated in a stupid idea where they tied themselves together to not lose track of the other, which caused Cole to lose valuable time when the scroll of Airjitzu was dropped right as they were at the door to the temple.

Spinning around to check on his teammates, he saw a pale green sheen. Just as he was about to raise his weapon, he heard Cole’s voice calling out to them that they had the scroll. And oh. Oh no. No, Kai couldn’t deal with this anymore. He watched Cole realise with horror that now, he was technically dead, and wail.

Kai’s blood vessels were very, very close to popping. Being an alcoholic had not helped with his anger issues, and having faced too many setbacks, all whilst not having any powers or any victories, Kai was prepared to curse the entire 16 realms.

As Nya parked the bounty right next to the floating temple of Airjitzu, Kai could see her face widen in shock and horror at Cole. Fists clenched the tightest they had been in a while (and that was saying something, given that he had failed to protect Lloyd again) Kai could only take over the lead as he herded his teammates onboard the ship.

Cole’s a ghost now. So what? He can deal with that later. For now, they had to beat Morro to the Cloud Kingdom and the Realm crystal if he was going to have any chance of having Lloyd back.

Well, that was a lie, Kai thought to himself after the heat of the moment. Their ship was now charted towards the Wailing Alps, trying to make it as the Blind Man’s Eye passed over the top so that they may use Airjitzu to get the Sword of Sanctuary. And that meant they had time. Whilst Zane and Jay were working on some mechs to help them traverse the mountains, Nya was training with Sensei Wu to unlock her true potential faster, and Misako was packing them supplies. That meant that Kai and Cole were left in the bow of the ship. The air just felt denser than usual, even though by all logic, it should have been lighter due to their high altitude.

Kai watched Cole trying to tap a button on the control board, but couldn’t manage to get his hands to temporarily appear solid. He saw the frustration on Cole’s face grow as he gave up and slammed his hand on the board, accidentally touching on several buttons. Immediately the ship started to list onto the left side. So bracing himself Kai rushed to the position and immediately undid the damage Cole had done.

Cole then let out a scream of frustration. “All I wanted to do was to view the stupid GPS! Why. Can’t. I. Do. Anything. Right?” Cole angrily shouted, punctuating each word with a kick aimed towards the control panel, but never managing to connect. He immediately sunk onto the floor and held his face in his hands.

Kai sucked in air through his teeth. He wasn’t everyone’s go-to when comforting them from anger, but it seems that he had to step up this time.

“Hey, Cole?” Kai started gently. “Yeah?” Came a muffled response.

“I know that I’m not the best person to do this, but I just want you to know that I hate the universe as much as you do, and it’s alright if you wanna just shout and spar with me-“

“Hah! As if I can do anything good with this. Stupid. Body!” Cole replied, voice tense with frustration. Kai frowned.

“I’m serious Cole. And you will get better at using this body. Remember how Morro’s ghost friends had beaten us? Imagine them, not realising that we actually have a pretty powerful member right in their midst. Think of the recon missions you can do as a ghost! Imagine how satisfying it would be to just punch Morro in the nose without feeling bad for hurting Lloyd!” Kai picked a direction and resigned himself to it, smile getting more manic as he realised that hey! Cole’s new body is actually kinda cool. Cole snorted.

“Imagine all the pranks I’ll be able to pull on Jay. And imagine me possessing Mr. Cuddlywump-“ Both of them dissolved into laughter after this thought, each imagining Jay’s terrified expression as Cole’s voice comes out of the teddy bear that he thinks nobody knows he hugs every night.

“Hey- you know that being a ghost would be incredible for your stealth right?” Kai ribbed Cole gently, finding delight that it actually connected. Cole scoffed. “Oh, don’t remind me Mr-I-blew-up-2-trucks-filled-with-jet-fuel-and-thought-that-I-wouldn’t-be-noticed.”

“Hey! It was just one time.” Kai defended himself. “Seriously though, imagine all the cool shit you can do now.”

“Too bad that I won’t be able to eat anymore,” Cole said mournfully. Kai raised his eyebrow. “Nah, this just means that you can eat as much as you want and wouldn’t be scolded by Sensei Wu. Also, don’t we have Hungry Ghost Month right before Day of the Departed?”

“Holy shit, Kai. You’re right! You know, maybe being a ghost isn’t so bad after all,” Cole said with a hearty grin. With a grin of his own, Kai thought to himself that really, being a ghost is no big deal. We have a nindroid as a brother after all! Besides, at least Cole is still with us in, heh, spirit.

Too late did Kai consider the cons of being a ghost. As Cole watched helplessly from the banks of the river that Lloyd was drowning in, Kai had to bite his own tongue to stop himself from screaming as he plunged into the water to save Lloyd from drowning. Too late, after the defeat of the Preeminent, did he see Lloyd flinching from Cole’s touch, which led to a very heartbroken Cole and an extremely apologetic Lloyd. He saw Lloyd trying his best to just endure and adapt to the change, and his heart was filled with anger again.

It wasn’t as bad as his breaking point at Yang’s temple, but he now has a grudge against Morro that runs through the core of his being, like how ‘Nya is my Sister’ and ‘Lloyd is my baby brother’ are the code of his being. Still, victory tasted bittersweet as he gets to finally pat the golden head of hair his brother has.

Kai would be okay to go through anything, as long as he had his family with him.

- - Jay - Family. That’s what Kai’s life has circled back into, hasn’t it? He had fought skeleton armies for his sisters, fought snakes with his brothers, trained the youngest to fight the literal embodiment of evil, went through an entire tournament for one of his brothers, fought with Wu’s student to save Lloyd, and now destiny decides for him to face another whiplash.

His parents. His good-for-nothing parents. They had left Kai when he was 6 and Nya when she was just 3. It had been absolute hell, making sure that they had enough to eat, enough to drink, and enough to wear during the winter. Kai had to start working at the blacksmith shop when he was just 8, trying to find some independence from the goodwill of his neighbours. And whilst he was working odd jobs, being a stable boy, an errand boy, doing some house chores for the minimum wage- he also had to make sure that his baby sister could attend school properly.

He had properly started to work at the forge when he was 12, having sold most of his father’s previous work. Soon, he found ease in making spear tips, armour, and samurai-style helmets. He had been working on doing a good sword when his sister was kidnapped, and his entire life changed as he tried his hardest to bring her back. Since then, he hadn’t gone back to his old home in Ignacia.

But he couldn’t ignore it anymore.

Looking at the smithing symbol on the inside of the Vermillion Warrior’s helmet, Kai had to take a quick journey back to his old home, back into his past. Picking up a decade-old helmet, Kai’s worst fears were confirmed.

“I knew it,” Kai said humourlessly as the puzzle pieces began to construct a monstrosity that he never wanted to know. In a fit of anger, he punched his father’s symbol, to which a secret hatch just suddenly opened. Curious, Kai took a look at the basement of the shop, only to see a double-edged blade as well as some old armour. What was he making? Kai wondered, before shaking his head. It doesn’t matter now.

With single-minded determination, Kai took the blade, old, and a new helmet, then immediately headed to someone who he knows would understand.

10 minutes later, Kai was sitting at a booth in Chen’s Noodle House, venting out all his frustrations to Skylor, who, bless her, had offered him free noodles as he spilled out his feelings. Of course, Kai didn’t feel much better after doing so, but at least he felt like he wasn’t suffocating anymore. Just as Kai was summarising his rant, incomes Nya, proclaiming something about how Skylor was the mysterious and new Samurai X. Kai’s stomach suddenly started to churn and he gulped. He had to break the news that their parents were still alive to Nya. And whilst that was mean, what Kai learned throughout his years as being a Ninja that being honest with your teammates was the difference between life and death. Funny, he remembered a weird dream that was focused on this exact point. But Kai didn’t have time to reminisce now. All he could do was think of ways of breaking the news to Nya.

Too soon, Kai Smith, no not Smith, Kai had to think of a better surname after this was all over. Anyways, their team has decided upon infiltrating Krux and Acronix’s secret base, which also meant that they will find his traitorous father. Instantly, he felt a searing hot pain radiate from within his ribcage. teeth clenched, fists tightened, he and Nya arrived at the swamp.

He had a single-minded focus on finding his parents and nothing could stop him.

“Kai, I don’t see anything. Give me the map,” Nya whispered. “Hmmm, what even makes you think that Acronix and Krux will be around here?”

“I honestly don’t even care if they are,” Kai said noncommittally and looked around his surroundings. In the distance, he saw a building, right where the blacksmith shop was situated on the map. Heart pounding, he raced up the planks leading up the shop.

Kai was in too deep to stop now, to have second thoughts. Seeing his father’s blacksmith symbol on the door, builds up his resolve to kick the door open.

“I knew it!” anger, like how lava flows down a volcano, seeped into his bones as his father stared at him like he was some kind of stranger. In all fairness, he was. Because what kind of ‘father’ was Ray Smith for abandoning Nya, for abandoning him, all those years ago?

“Who are you? What do you want?” Those words cut deeply into Kai’s heart, etching all kinds of feelings that Kai couldn’t process. Because all he could see. Was red.

“I WANT JUSTICE!” With a war cry, Kai drew out the double-edged blade that his father had watched. But this time, he wasn’t fighting to disarm, to defeat, or to stun. He was fighting to kill.

Running towards the blacksmith, Kai jumped to plunge the blade into his father’s chest, only for him to dodge, Raising another strike, he missed and hit the edge of the forge. Spinning around, his next shot was parried by his father.

Blocked by his father again, Kai gave his old man a chance to explain himself. But what was said was, “You’re red like a Vermillion Warrior. But you’re no snake.”

“No, I’m not, BUT YOU ARE! TRAITOR!!” Kai broke out of his father’s block, spinning the weapon before clashing it with his father’s hammer again. His next few strikes were dodged and a kick sent Kai sprawling over the anvil. Getting up again, Kai swung the weapon wildly, getting dodged before being thrown back by a well-timed shot from his father.

“You messed with the wrong blacksmith, my friend,” Ray said, standing over Kai’s body. hearing those words sent a hot shot of seething fire down to his free palm. Building up a fire in his hand, Kai stood up and spun the double-edged blade.

“Fire power…” Ray thought out loud. Shocked, he could only get out of the way as Kai threw a fireball at him.

“No… you’re certainly not a guard. You’re… my son!” Hearing those words made Kai pause. He didn’t know why, he just couldn’t move. Too many emotions were battling in him, and he could only focus on his father’s next few words.

“Kai! You’ve inherited my elemental power!” his father had actually said that. In joy. Suddenly, his fire was rekindled.

“That’s the only thing I’ll ever inherit from you!” Kai started to move, to continue the fight when suddenly his baby sister screamed for him to stop from the front door.

“He’s a traitor!” Kai explained through gritted teeth.

“He’s still our father,” Nya begged Kai to reconsider.

“Whatever it is you think, I can explain-“

“Yeah… BET YOU CAN!” Kai threw back his left hand, ready to unleash another fireball at his father when a jet of water put his element out.

“Kai, let him speak!” Nya pleaded. “There’s no harm in hearing him out!”

Kai then moved to throw the double-edged blade at his father, who had dodged out of the way. sensing that Nya would just put out his fire again, Kai pounced on his father and dragged him hip by the collar of his clothes, and began to wrestle with him.

“It ends here! NOW!” Overpowering his father, he managed the wrench his left hand free, and pulled it back into a punch.

“Kai, you don’t know what you’re doing!”  “I DO NYA! I ABSOLUTELY-“  “I’m not your sister, son.”

Kai suddenly stopped. His mother… was alive?!

“Huh? M-mom? I-I don’t believe it!” Kai released whatever he was holding as he turned around, trembling.

“That makes the 2 of us,” Maya stated sweetly, and suddenly all the memories that Kai had been oppressing came back- he could see the woman who cared for him, hear the lullabies she used to sing Nya to sleep, smell the floral shampoo and scent of mountain springs that hung around her. He remembers the taste of the food that she had made, and the warm, slender hands that held his own. As Kai watched his mother fuss over his baby sister, his resolve to fight, to seek revenger, crumbled away into pieces.

Removing his hood, he threw his arms around his mother, still smelling the scent of mountain springs, feeling the her skin, folded and cut in several areas, but still warm and firm.

But suddenly, he remembered the snake helmets and of Sensei Wu, and immediately pushed her back.

“Why, she’s as guilty as he is! They’ve been helping Acronix and Krux for years!” Kai seethed. “They’re the enemy!”

“Is that what you think?” Maya reproached. “We are not your enemy.”

“Then how do you explain this?” Kai took up the vermillion warrior’s helmet and showed his father’s symbol to his biological family. “Dad’s blacksmith stamp on every piece of Vermillion armour!”

“They forced us to work for them! Part of their revenge…” Maya rebutted.

“For what?”

“For creating the time blades,” Ray shook his head and creased his forehead. “It goes back a long tie, then Acronis and Krux were still Elemental Masters.”

Ray recounted how Wu had asked them to forge blades made of a chronosteel, a sort of metal that suctions your elemental powers away permanently if you used them to their true potential on the metal.

“We had worked for days and nights. At the end of it all, we were so exhausted, that we could not participate in the fight. But Wu had told us the results of the fights, about how he and Garmadon had sent the Time Twins and the Time Blades into a Time Vortex, essentially having them lost to time.”

“Yet, immediately after the portal has closed, Krux had gotten away. And he had gotten a glimpse of the Blimp too. He now knew that his brother was being sent to the future without him.”

“Now, he had decades to scheme and plan. He adopted the persona of the kindly Dr. Sanders Saunders. He had begun making the first batches of Vermillion out of the Great Devourer’s eggs. And his army would need weapons. Armour. Vehicles.

“So he went looking for us, and we had built a cordial relation with the old man.”

“One day, he suddenly revealed his true colours and held you two at sword point, stating that if we did not cooperate, he would not hesitate to kill you,” Maya said, eyes glistening with tears. “What could we have done?”

Kai didn’t know how to react. He stood there shell-shocked. His parents.. they weren’t traitors after all? The fire of anger fizzled out. “Okay, but what about the stamp?”

“I stamped every piece of my work, hoping that one day, someone would figure it out,” Kai’s father admitted. “So that together, we can stop Krux and Acronix’s plan.”

“What is their plan?” Nya asked. Ray shook his head and creased his eyebrows in fear. “To control all of time.”

That revelation shocked Kai into speaking again. He looked at his father, bruised, dirtied, and tired from their fight before. The feeling of guilt bubbled in his stomach, and Kai had to immediately right the wrongs.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” Kai began, wincing internally at his bad apology. But Nya- blessed Nya, had saved him by asking about Krux and Acronix’s plan to control all of time.

“They made me design the Iron Doom, a machine capable of transporting the Vermillion warriors through time,” Ray explained, rolling out a blueprint of the iron doom.

“So you built a Time Machine?” Kai asked incredulously. Ray huffed. “No, just the shell. I’m afraid the Time Machines are bit out of my skill set.”

“But Cyrus Borg was forced to design a power source capable of powering the machine by using temporal energy from the Time Blades,” Maya said whilst rolling out another piece of blueprint next to Ray’s this time of some sort of machine.

“Oh no! That must mean that the pause we felt earlier… that must mean that there are 3 blades in the present!” Nya exclaimed. Kai thought out loud that if Krux and Acronix got the blade, there will be only one left. “And if they get that, their time traveling mega armour will be fully operational!”

Kai stared dumbfoundedly at the smile shared between his parents. “Sorry, full operational is… good news?” Man, if his parents could just pick a side already!

“They’ll never get it,” Ray said with a smile. “Master Wu found it shortly after Acronix disappeared. Turns out it had the power to reverse time. Wu knew it was too dangerous to keep, so we hid it, buried deep in a location where only a combined elemental power of Fire and Water can reach.”

“And since you inherited our powers-“ Kai’s mother gasped sharply. “You must leave. Now!”

Ray looked downright alarmed. “You’re right. If Krux and Acronix knew you were here, they could-“

At this moment, the door burst open and time stood still.

“Could force you to retrieve the Time Blade for us? Excellent suggestion,” Krux said with a menacing smile.

“No way! We’ll never retrieve the Reversal Blade for you!”  “You tell him, brother!”

“You will! Or your parents will face the same fate that they tried to protect you from.” Krux countered, his smile stretching impossibly wider.

“We’re done serving you, Krux. Bring your worst!” Ray shouted, charging towards the Time Twins. Kai watched in horror as Krux used the Pause blade to stop his father’s momentum immediately, before giving him a hard kick in the gut.

“DAD!” Kai shouted, watching his father still frozen in place, bouncing on the hard floor.

“Look what I found,” drawled the voice of Commander Machia, wheeling in-

“Master!” “Wu!’

“You know, it occurs to me that the Reversal Blade is the only way to undo Wu’s Time Punch.” Acronix grinned.

“I…I’m afraid that’s true,” Kai’s father said, having gotten out of the pause effect.

“If you want to save your master, you’ll have to retrieve the 4th blade.” Krux walked even closer to Kai, before snatching away the double-edged blade. “And I’ll take that.”

Lightning flashed over the skies, creeping in tendrils and thunder boomed, rocking the ship. Kai and his family were stuck on a ship, not able to help his other family back at the swamp to fight off a whole swamp’s worth of snakes! And to top it all off, he had to retrieve the 4th Time Blade for the Twins, directly enabling Krux and Acronix’s plan!

Kai felt anger in the many hot drops of rain the fell onto his skin. But he couldn’t afford to lose himself here, he and Nya would have to work together, get past all the challenges and get the time blade, save Wu and get out of here!

Yet, once he and Nya had returned to the ship, the blade was immediately knocked out of his hands and his father took another Time Punch. Just as he was about the throw hands with the Time Twins, he was hit with a jet of brilliant red light, trapping him a Pause as he could only see the ship moving away from underneath him. They barely had the time to pull up their fusion dragon before heading back to the swamp.

Upon their arrival, they saw the Time Twins enter a temporal vortex. They had to follow them. There was no other choice.

A long, tiring battle in the past 40 years ago had taken its toll on Kai and Nya. They had managed to reverse the Time Punch on Master Wu (though Kai wonders if maybe Nya used a bit too much) and they had managed to drive Acronix and Krux back into the Temporal Vortex, this time actually sneaking aboard the ship and trying to remove the Time Blades from the engine of the Iron Doom.

Unfortunately for Kai, he just couldn’t lift the Reversal Blade, but Sensei Wu had. Throwing the Time Blade to him, Kai almost didn’t register Wu telling them to use the blade of Ray before throwing both of them out of the time stream and back into the present.

After had used the time blade on his father, Kai and Nya were tasked with Master Lloyd’s command to return the Reversal Blade to its place in the Boiling Sea. Of course, Kai had complied, adrenaline still fuelling his body. And yet when all was said and done, Kai collapsed upon reaching the Temple of Airjitzu.

The days after Kai and Nya returned to the present without Sensei Wu were some of the worst. Kai felt like he was over bursting with emotions. Guilt, grief, and anger clouded his mind over the loss of Wu. Joy, confusion, and deep-seated anger clouded his heart over his parents. Kai didn’t know how to deal with everything. He couldn’t really talk with his previous confidence, he couldn’t move without double guessing himself, and his decision-making skills were in pieces, grounded into a fine dust.

Does he reconnect with his family or not? What could he do the aid the search of Sensei Wu? Are Nya and Lloyd doing alright? Cole seems to be the hardest hit out of all of them, maybe he should go check on him?

Lying on his bed in the Temple of Airjitzu, Kai couldn’t muster his strength to well, do anything! He just needed some time to just… process, everything that had happened in the past month. His parents, of course, had given him some space, and just said that when he’s ready to contact them. Kai thinks that they also didn’t know how to deal with his situation and just took a cop-out. Or maybe they just wanted to breathe fresh, non-swamp-sewer air and tour Ninjago after being in captivity in 10 years. Honestly, who knows?

Lloyd had walked in and provided a brief source of relief for Kai, but too soon had he walked away, going back to his training. Kai saw his baby brother’s eyes sporadically turn green, infused with his element, in just 3 days. Kai would have joined him too, doing whatever hellish program he had set up for himself, if he wasn’t just ambushed by his feelings whenever he tries to get up, wondering if that was even the right choice. He certainly felt that it was his fault that he lost Sensei Wu, and now his kid brother had trained so hard that his eyes became green just to find Sensei again.

Nya was dealing with her own reconciliation with his parents and sometimes offered Kai a shoulder to cry on. Mostly, she was by herself, as Jay had told Kai to ease his worry. Still, his worry for Nya is topped only by his worry about the future.

Cole had also been hit hard by the loss of Sensei Wu and was shutting himself in. Zane was still trying to spend time looking for Pixal throughout the Bounty and any of our other bases of operations, trying to tracer her down.

That left Jay, who really, was as much of a help as a hindrance to Kai. Hanging out with Jay meant that Kai soon developed a terrible sense of humour, an arsenal of horrible puns, and way too many prank ideas. Jay had made sure that everyone was fed, watered, and in some cases- slept. Of course, being the responsible one for once meant that Jay had to bully his most stubborn teammates into taking a break, or having some food.

“MOOOORRRRNNIIIIIINNG!” Kai was once again woken up by Jay’s terrible screeching. Turning to face the wall, Kai pushed a pillow on top of him just so he could remain in the land of sleeping for longer. No such luck.

“KAAAIIIIII! GET UP!” Jay, screamed as the door to his room flung open. Aw man here we go again, Kai grumbled to himself.

“So what would you like to have this morning? Eggs and bacey? Toast with jam? How about-“

“How about you shut up and leave me alone!” Kai shouted, irritated by the perky tone that Jay has adopted. Watching Jay’s smile become less bright and more forced, Kai couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. Sitting up and rubbing the base of his neck, Kai apologised for his outburst. “Sorry, Jay- it’s just that I need some time, alone.”

Jay nodded solemnly, before sitting down at the edge of his bed. Kai watched as Jay took a deep breath before saying his piece.

“I know Kai, but… Nya… she needs you. You have got to fix your relationship with your parents, or at least start on the first step. I’m going to be honest: I’m not good with people like you are. I don’t know how to get Lloyd to rest, because he’s going to break his body this way. Don’t get me started on Cole, who won’t open up to me at all. And I can’t out logic Zane. He keeps saying that since he’s a robot, he doesn’t need rest as we humans do.”

Kai stayed silent for a while, mulling over Jay’s words. Truth is, if he could, he would have done so already. What did Jay know about these kinds of relationships, anyways? In fact, when compared to everyone else on the team, Jay has the best relationship with his parents. So what was the point of this? Kai felt his hands curl up into a fist, bunching his bedsheets. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, he breathed out to calm himself down before he could impulsively do something he’d regret.

“No can do, Jaybird. I don’t even know where to start,” Kai said regretfully. Kai honestly expected for Jay to slink out of his room, to go pester Nya to try or to get Lloyd to see sense, or to even get his best buddy to open up about his troubles. Kai did not think that Jay seemed to double down, taking several huge gulps of air, and one the edge of hyperventilation. He saw Jay’s hands tighten into fists before he spoke in a trembling voice.

“Kai… did is something that I really, really don’t want to share. It’s something that I keep wanting to erase out of my memories. But I can’t, because no matter how much I try to see it as just a prank- it’s the truth. I’m… adopted,” Jay finished in a hushed whisper. Immediately, Kai sat up straighter. He hadn’t heard this before. “Please, please, keep this a secret, Kai.”

“…so, when did you find out?” Kai whispered back.

“It was at the height of our popularity craze right after stix. A letter had come in, about how my father had died. Immediately, I went off to my Ma and Pa’s scrapyard, but it turns out that I had been adopted, and that my biological father was… Cliff Gordon,” Jay’s teeth had begun shuddering as tears came leaking out of his eyes.

“Oh,” That’s all Kai could really say. I mean, how were you going to reply to that?

“Of course, I felt all sorts of different emotions at first. Relief that my Pa didn’t die, confusion at why I was abandoned on my parent’s doorstep, realisation why neither of my parents had elemental powers, and eventually gratitude because my biological father had written me into his will.”

“But Kai, you don’t just easily forget the feeling when you thought that your parents died. I’m sure that if Cole was himself right now, he would have knocked some sense into you.” Jay stated with a small smile. “Our lives as Ninja are really, really dangerous. Yesterday, we lost Sensei Wu. Tomorrow… well, let’s just say that as a Ninja, you have to cherish time with your loved ones. Don’t put off tomorrow what can be done today.”

And Kai seriously was lost for words. Jay was… 100% right. There were no faults, no counterarguments. Danger was a Ninja’s job description, and too soon he could leave this realm without patching things up with his parents- his parents had almost done so too when his father had been struck by the Forward blade. If he couldn’t do it for himself, and his parents- well, he could do it for Nya’s sake.

Suddenly energised, Kai stood up.

“Thank you, Jay.”

And off he went to call his parents, checking in on them, holding a conversation that had a semblance of normality. They had talked about safe topics, about interesting areas Ray and Maya had visited, about Kai and Nya’s adventures, and about Kai’s team, Sensei Wu- anything, really.

Tears of joy fell down his cheeks before he decided to barge into Nya’s room, throwing open her curtains and rousing her from her slumber.

Because now, they had a chance. They could reconcile.

And then they can find Sensei Wu.

- Kai - It was their first machine in 6 months, and Kai had managed to lose his powers. Again. This time, however, the warmth and fiery spirit that Kai could always cling to were gone as well. He had always felt utterly powerless without his fire. But without his anger? Kai was more than useless. He couldn’t even defend the civilians from the fire snakes, because he was out of shape as well and had to rely on Jay to save him. Jay!

Severely discouraged by this fact, he told his team to just ‘go ahead without him'. He would not be of any help to them anyways. He would only add more onto their already full plate as they would have to focus on defending him too.

Slumping next to an overturned car, Kai hid his face in his hands. What if he never gets his powers back? Would they hate him? Forget him? Maybe he could become The Red Shogun again, maybe pilot a mech as Pixal does.

Kai’s jumbled thoughts were interrupted by a kid (seriously, how many disasters have Ninjago faced to let people carry on their normal lives whilst it’s raining fireballs?) handing him a journal, stating that Kai was his favourite Ninja and could he please, please sign his notebook?

“Sorry kid,” Kai huffed out. “I’m not really a ninja without my powers.”

“Well then, why don’t you go help your teammates?” The kid, Max asked.

“Because, I’m useless, that’s why!”

“Well- if you don’t help the ninja, I will!” And with that, Max stormed away and started to head for the scene of danger. Kai called out to him futile to come back and resigned himself to his fate. Picking up the notebook, Kai saw a cartoonish sticker of him in his ninja mask at the front, before coming to an epiphany.

His teammates didn’t like him for just his fire. Nor did the Ninjago citizens. He carried everyone’s hopes and dreams on his back and he can’t just turn around now and leave him to face the enemy alone!

What was he thinking?

Immediately, Kai rushed down the street to the Ninjago Museum of ancient artifacts.

Kai didn’t always have to run red hot. He didn’t need to perpetually be angry. Sometimes, it’s okay to mellow out. But now is not the time. Now, he has to save his family from one crazy snake lady who was fuelled only by revenge.

Kai couldn’t just be fuelled by his anger. Facing off with Aspheera taught him that. Being angry all the time was exhausting when he inevitably turned off the switch. Anger clouded his thoughts, made errs in his judgment, caused him to be impatient- all whilst ignoring the important parts of his life- his family. And from now on, Kai would only tap into anger when it was absolutely necessary. What matters the most to him isn’t feeling invulnerable, like nothing could hurt him, especially if he was protecting his teammates. Rather, it was the job that Kai had to do. Emotions in battle are a tricky thing, but all the times he observed Lloyd setting aside his feelings for the greater good had made Kai realise that emotions can be easily goaded. Manipulate, by enemies such as Chen and Harumi.

In a life or death situation, Kai couldn’t just rely on his feelings. He had to embrace his moral code, the values that he holds dear, and act upon them, even though it may seem impossible at times. And he shouldn’t get frustrated with his team.

Kai may be angry, but the only time he’ll properly deal with his emotions will be when the battle is all over, and then he will learn how to compartmentalise, how to sort through his emotions. Maybe he’ll take up blacksmithing part-time again.

All Kai knew that was in this instance, he refused to let his life be ruled over uncontrollable feelings, mostly of rage. He was the master of his own emotions.

And nothing will stop him from helping out his team.

[expectingtofly]

Proposal in the Produce Aisle

dean/cas fic

~2k

also posted on ao3

It all started when Dean and Cas were on a case. The woman they were questioning seemed more interested in Cas than in talking about her dead cousin, and Dean was growing increasingly more annoyed (and a little bit jealous).

He was one second away from grabbing Cas and kissing him in front of the lady, when Cas took his hand and told the woman, “Oh, by the way, this is my husband.” Which threw Dean for a loop. Because he and Cas were only dating, definitely not married. But he brushed it aside because Cas didn’t really mean it; he was only saying it to make this woman back off.

Then, the following week, Jack asked Dean, "When did you and Castiel get married?" and Dean stared at him for a solid ten seconds, waiting for the punchline. But Jack only looked back at him, perfectly serious.

“We’re not married,” Dean finally answered, slowly.

Jack frowned. “Oh. Are you going to get married?”

“I don’t—I... um...” Dean floundered, eventually settling on, “that’s none of your business!” It came out a lot more harshly than he meant it to, but Jack didn’t look offended, only confused.

He seemed about to ask another personal question, so Dean fled the room with a rambling excuse about needing to go on a milk run, they had run out of beer, he hadn’t driven Baby in a while… Married? What the hell?

“Settle something for me,” Dean said, barging into the kitchen where Sam sat.

“Fuck me,” Sam muttered into his coffee cup. He looked up at Dean. “What is it now?”

“Jack thought Cas and I were married.”

Sam stared at him blankly. “Okay.” 

“We’re not.”

“Okay,” Sam said again.

Dean threw up his hands. “Isn’t that weird? Does everyone think we’re married?”

“You do act like an old married couple.” Sam set down his coffee cup. “What’s the big deal, though?”

Dean sat across from him and buried his face in his hands. “Cas called me his husband the other day. Is this an angel thing? Maybe they don’t understand what marriage means.” He lifted his head from his hands. “Right, that’s probably it. I’ll sit them down and explain.”

“Or,” Sam suggested, “You and Cas can just get married already.”

“Not helpful.”

“Well, why not? You’ve been together for forever.”

“Why not? Because…” Dean racked his brain. “Because I don’t want to get married. I’m not going to be some old married sonuva—”

“Does Cas want to get married?”

“I don’t know! We don’t talk about this shit.”

“Well, there’s your first problem.” Sam stood and clapped Dean on the shoulder. “Looks like you and Cas need to talk.”

Again, Dean thought, not helpful. 

But Sam’s words rolled around in his head all day, and Dean couldn’t help watching Cas, trying to remember if Cas had ever shown an interest in getting married, if he’d ever dropped a hint that he wanted Dean to propose. He was pretty sure Cas had done none of those things, which should’ve been reassuring. But now there was another question gnawing at Dean: Did he want to marry Cas?

They had been together for several years; maybe marriage was the next step. And Dean couldn’t deny he’d felt a secret satisfaction hearing Cas call him his husband and having Jack assume they were married. Despite what he’d told Sam, he wasn’t that opposed to getting married. Not to the right person. And he was pretty certain he’d never find anyone more right for him than Cas.

He had to find a way to broach the subject, but he couldn’t just ask out of the blue, hey, Cas, wanna get married? He had to first determine whether marriage was even something that had ever crossed Cas’ mind. Which meant strategic, vague questioning.

He put his plan into action one night while he and Cas sat in the Dean Cave, watching Dr. Sexy, M.D. Well, he was watching Dr. Sexy. Cas was engrossed in a book about… Dean glanced at the title. Growing and Propagating Wild Flowers. Never in a million years would he have ever thought his life would come to this—dating not only an angel, but an angel interested in gardening. Even stranger, the way both of those features were now incredibly sexy to him since they made up Cas. 

Sliding closer to his angel boyfriend, he bumped their shoulders together, and, absentmindedly, Cas pulled a hand from his book and placed it on Dean’s thigh. Much as Dean now wanted to interlace their fingers, lean over and kiss the soft, warm skin under Cas’ ear, it was time to bring up the topic pinging around in his brain.

He cleared his throat, “Um, funny how the characters in this show never get married.” He glanced sideways at Cas. 

Cas shrugged, turning a page before answering. “Funny.”

Looks like he was going to have to be a little more straightforward. “You ever think Sam will get married?”

Cas looked up at him. “To Eileen?” Tilting his head, he stared off into the distance thoughtfully, then nodded. “I hope so. I think that would be good for him.”

Dean nodded and Cas looked back down at his book, conversation over. For fuck’s sake, Dean thought.

Edging closer to the truth, he said, “I always told Sam I didn’t see much point in being married. Ya know, being a hunter and all. Never saw myself settling down.” That wasn’t quite what he wanted to say. What he meant was that he’d never thought he could get married, not with the life he lived. He’d never dreamed he could be this happy. Now he’d found someone who made both of those things possible.

“I never thought much about marriage when I was in Heaven.” Cas didn’t look up from his book. “Angels don’t get married to each other.”

“Oh.” Dean looked back at the TV. Well, fuck. That said it all, didn’t it? Cas was an angel; he didn’t understand human practices like marriage. It didn’t mean anything to him. Dean didn’t know why he felt disappointed—he had his answer, and now he didn’t have to worry that Cas was secretly waiting for a proposal.

“Why all this talk about marriage?”

Dean startled. “What?” He realized Cas was studying him. “Uh, I don’t know. No reason, it was just a random thought. I hope Sam gets married too.”

“Oh,” Cas said. “Alright.” Was that disappointment in his tone? But Cas didn’t say anything else and Dean dismissed the idea.

There, he thought, we did the talking, Sam. Got everything sorted out.

***

A week later, he was pushing a cart through the grocery store, following Cas who was scanning the produce aisle for the obscure vegetables Sam had requested. 

“I think it would be much more sustainable if we grew our own produce,” Cas said, pausing to grab a head of lettuce. He scanned the row of vegetables. “Where are the rutabagas?”

“I have no idea. I don’t even know what that is.” 

“Oh, well,” Continuing down the aisle, Cas launched into an explanation of rutabagas—how they’re grown, methods of cooking—all incredibly in-depth considering he couldn’t even taste food, and Dean pushed the cart after him, finding himself paying attention even though he had never once been interested in vegetables. 

While grocery shopping was Cas’ weekly chore, Dean had taken to accompanying him, telling Sam that someone needed to keep Cas in check—the angel could spend hours at the grocery store, coming home with obscure items not on their list just because he thought they looked interesting. But, in truth, grocery shopping had become Dean’s favorite part of the week. Watching Cas compare prices, squint at the items Jack scrawled at the bottom of the list, choose between two oranges as if it was a life or death decision. He smiled now, watching Cas snatch up what Dean was assuming was a rutabaga, and triumphantly hold it in the air. 

Maybe because choosing vegetables was so decidedly banal and normal compared to their usual end-of-the-world lives, and he needed a break. Maybe because he just liked spending time with Cas outside of killing monsters and saving the world. Maybe because he just liked being with Cas.

Halting in front of a row of apples, Cas asked, “Why are there so many varieties? Do they really taste so different?”

“Um, maybe?” Dean picked up a bright red one, then dropped it back on top of the others. “To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever tried that many.” 

“Dean, if I could taste food, I would try everything.” Cas grabbed a produce bag. “We should get one of every kind and then you can decide which is your favorite.”

He began grabbing apples and stuffing them into the bag, continuing to talk about the garden they should plant—which would now include, apparently, an orchard of apple trees—and suddenly, it hit Dean just how in love he was with this earnest, dorky, little angel. And suddenly, I love you didn’t seem enough to express how much he wanted, needed, to have Cas by his side forever.

“Will you marry me?” Dean blurted out, interrupting Cas’ garden plans. 

Cas looked up at him, hand stretched out to grab a green apple, surprise on his face. Dean's face heated. He had never considered himself a romantic person by any means, but proposing in the produce aisle was a new low.

“You want to get married?” Cas asked slowly.

Dean nodded and realized it was true, he did very much want to marry Cas. He hadn’t been entirely sure before, but now he was completely certain. Which meant his heart was pounding as he worried Cas would say no.

“Dammit, Dean!” Cas dropped the bag of apples into the grocery cart with a bruising clang. Dean startled. Not the reaction he was expecting. “I wanted to propose to you!”

Not the answer he was expecting either.

“W-what?” he stammered.

“I didn’t think you’d want to get married, because when I called you my husband that one time you looked so shocked. And then I overheard you talking to Jack, but you were extremely cryptic about getting married one day, so I asked Sam, and he said you were wondering if I wanted to get married, so I thought maybe there was a chance, but you never brought it up. I thought I might just propose to you anyway, but now you’ve done it first!” He took a deep breath, his spiel ended, and Dean’s brain spun, trying to catch up. 

He moved aside to let someone grab a bunch of bananas. So Cas had wanted, but Dean had acted… “I thought you wouldn’t want to get married because you’re an angel.” Out of the corner of his eye he saw their fellow shopper give them an odd look.

“I live on Earth now,” Cas said. “I ride in cars and eat food. And I’m dating a human.” The shopper looked full on worried now, and she pushed her cart away hurriedly. “Why would you think marriage is where I draw the line to human practices?”

“Right,” Dean said, letting out a breath of laughter. He shook his head. “You were asking Sam? Why didn’t you just ask me if I wanted to get married?”

“Why didn’t you ask me?”

Fuck, Sam was right. “We’re shit at communicating.” 

“Yes,” Cas said, smiling. “But will you marry me?”

“You haven’t answered my proposal yet.”

“No, you first.”

“Yes,” Dean said without hesitation.

“Yes,” Cas said. Pushing the shopping cart aside, Dean grabbed him and kissed him. Absently, he thought he heard the cart bump into a display and knock something over, but he was more occupied with the way Cas was whispering “I love you” in between kisses.

“I love you too." On second thought, proposing and kissing in the produce aisle might be the most romantic thing he’d ever done.

Pulling away to look at Cas, he said, “I didn’t get you a ring, I wasn’t expecting to do this right now.”

“Me neither,” Cas said. 

“Sorry I ruined your proposal.”

“You didn’t ruin anything.” Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck and smiled up at him. “This is perfect.”

Dean shook his head because somehow he’d ended up engaged to the easiest to please angel, but that thought made his chest warm. Engaged. 

He pulled Cas’ arms from around his neck, lacing their fingers together. “Come on, fiance. Let’s hurry up and get home so we can tell Sam and Jack.” Looking for their cart, he saw it had knocked down a display of salad dressings. “Oops.”

Cas snapped his fingers and, in a blink, the display was back to normal. “And so we can have engagement sex,” he clarified.

“Exactly.” Dean kissed Cas again. “And that is why I’m marrying you.”

“Because I know you too well?”

“Because you’re perfect.” 

Cas beamed at him. “You’re perfect too. Fiance,” he added.

Dean kissed Cas again, and then Cas was pushing the cart down the aisle, telling him they still had thirteen things on their list, so hurry up, and Dean couldn’t stop smiling because he was going to get married. 

“Let’s go, fiance,” Cas called.

Dean followed him. “I’ll never get tired of hearing you call me that.”

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