#don't mind me i'm just a bit down on myself and my work rn

[cebwrites]

i know i haven't been as writing as much as i used to but man, getting radio silence on the stuff i do make really does puts a damper on my motivation TO write (；′⌒`)

[ivysangel]

in an alternate universe partition was written about dick grayson because it's so him i just KNOWWW he'd do that shit!! with his cocky smile and everything 🤭

NONNIE NONNIE NONNIE !!!!!!! saw this ask half asleep while checking my notifs and had to force myself to get some rest instead of answering it bc i got SO excited even in my delirious half asleep state. obviously i'm listening to it rn while writing this, like NONNIE ??? i'm smiling, literally not joking i'm cheesin like a fucking loser. quick ro lore before we get into the GOOD stuff: massive beyoncé stan, MASSIVE partition stan !!!! massive music lover and pop culture fiend too like this might just be my favorite ask ever. anyway.

who said in an alternate universe bc it's definitely this one. i literally ghostwrote the song with dick grayson in mind err? like i do just wanna be the girl he likes (everybody point and laugh). like the song, aside from being about super hot sex, is about being so into your partner that you'll give everything to them, do anything for them, put all this effort into catching their eye as if you don't already have it. 'take all of me i just wanna be the girl you like' (cassie in euphoria s2 is that u?) IS SOOOOOOOOOOO REAL TO ME !!!!! like i would do anything for him. (side note, why am i listening to partition and hearing jay on the bg vocals? like am i going insane orrr)

(everything under the cut is just smut)

'he popped all my buttons and he ripped my blouse/he monica lewinski'd all on my gown' and 'took forty-five minute to get all dressed up and we ain't even gon' make it to this club' ??? oh exactly. you put all this effort into looking good for him, and unlke CASSIE in eufuckingphoria season 2, it works out for you oh my god it does. 'driver roll up the partition please/i don't need you seein' yoncé on her knees' bc...car sex. but you're not going to a club, no it's a wayne enterprises gala and you don't even get there until hours later because you're almost fully naked in the back seat getting dicked down by dick grayson !!

'handprints and footprints on my glass, handprints and good grips all on my ass' ugh real music literally real fucking music. you're straddling him as he manspreads, cock buried in you, and your fingernails are digging into the black leather seats. his ties been loosened, shirt opened, and there's red smudged on top of blooming hickeys. the glass is foggy, the only semi clear parts being your handprints from when the pleasure got overwhelming. 'now my mascara runnin', red lipstick smudged/oh, he so horny yeah, he want to fuck' like it's dick grayson, he'd fuck you into next week on a normal day so ofc he'd do it when you get all dolled up. ofc everyone's wondering when pretty boy grayson's gonna make an appearence in front of the flashing cameras. 'over there i swear, i saw them cameras flash' rolls down the partition just a smidge, to tell the driver to park somewhere private so you're not caught in an extremely compromising position. not that he really cares, everyone already knows he gets play anyways, it's more about your comfortability. tits out and pussy facing the world, on the cover of tmz and shit bc he got just a bit too cocky. no never that.

'cheauffer eavesdroppin' tryin' not to crash' you and the driver both end up getting a tip that night. he's sorry, he really is. but he just couldn't resist you, not when you were dressed like that. your intention was to have amazing mind blowing sex with dick that night but not in the back of a moving car. 'driver roll up the partition, please/i don't need you seein' yoncé on her knees' bc it was just supposed to be some quick head and now his pants are ruined, your dress is torn, hair messed up on both ends, and the amount of hickeys between the both of you is concerning.

you'd do it all again tho, and he knows you would. shit, he would too !!! and that's so evident in the way he teases you for the next few weeks about it. asking if he should take the dress to the dry cleaners knowing it looks like you'd been in a fight, suggesting you wear the lipstick shade from that night, asking if you need a cheauffer anytime you have to go anywhere, and giving you knowing looks everytime someone asks why you guys showed up at the gala over an hour late. "wardrobe malfunction and car trouble." he says with a smile. it looks normal to whoever you're talking to but you know it holds a level of cockiness that is so completely unfathomable, a level of cockiness he only gets when he fucks you.

(got a little carried away nonnie my b. ughh how i love a good lyrical breakdown, even out of order lol. seriously, this made my day. literally woke up and got straight to it. did not proofread this bc i...just woke up lmao)

[astrologylunadream]

Your Crush's Biggest Insecurities💌😰💧 (Pick a card/Tarot love reading)

Hey it's Lunadream🤗 Does your crush have insecurities too? If so what are they? We'll be doing a reading on their biggest insecurities right now💭 hope you find your message🌸

Notice: Only take what resonates because the most important thing is your own judgement!♡ If anything doesn't resonate, don't worry! It's not your message right now <3 (Entertainment purpose only. All rights reserved)

Now, shall we begin~? ^w^ There are 6 piles this time! Think of your crush, and pick whichever pile that fits the energy you're feeling~☁️♥️

Pile 1💮

Pile 2🥀

Pile 3🛁

Pile 4🍰

Pile 5🌪

Pile 6🍷

Take your time and choose carefully with the heart~♡

On to the readings —> ☁️🎲🖤

Pile 1💮

Sign energy: Stress, Early, Intuition, Sidelines, Short-term, North node, Mercury, 7th house, 12th house, Sun, 🎪💣🟫📆

🥀Your person's energy: This is someone you have thought about seriously marrying/committing to pile 1, I see you👀 Now for the overall vibe of your person it's a lot of air energy I'm feeling but also they could have air in their water houses like for instance the 4th/8th/12th houses are all water houses naturally but for your person they could be like gemini/libra/aquarius in those houses in any order too. Virgo is coming through for some of you, I'm getting Libra/Virgo cusp rn. I'm seeing someone who is a heavy over thinker right now they get lost in their mind a lot. Your person is prone to stress and sometimes they just stress themselves out over little things, they even obsess about the dates flying by and have an over emphasis on time. This is someone that has a lot on their plate, but you just want to step in and be their true loving partner🥺❤ You just wanna make their day and help them out a bit, you want to turn their frown upside down I'm hearing haha. This person may have confessed to you recently or perhaps thought about it a LOT. They trust their intuition because they are usually right and they're the type to say "I knew it" and "I'm going with my gut on this one" because they really have a hunch for things sometimes!! This person may not be in your life yet, but they can sense a future with you and they think about you a lot.

💭Their biggest insecurities: Stage, Self reflection, Feminine, Prove, Vulnerable, Mars, Neptune, 5th house, Gemini, Capricorn, 🩰🔙💢👫 Alright my pile 1's, your person is so worried about appearing good enough for you😖💗 They're worried about a future partner or marriage, they may feel like no one could love them or they would screw it up so this makes them very lonely. For some of you I'm getting this person had a past longing for creative expression but it was repressed by others, I'm seeing someone who wasn't necessarily allowed to like feminine things. They have a deep insecurity about displaying their more feminine side (or more nurturing/emotional side) in fear of being taken advantage of or judged for it. Your person is so scared deep down you guys they don't wanna be called weak or stupid for their innermost self😭😭 They're afraid of daydreaming too much and being in their head all the time, and romanticizing a partner and hoping for one makes them feel vulnerable and desperate but like that's just themmm😫😫♡ Pile 1 you have no idea how insecure they are about themselves... they set themselves to be this strong, will powered, bold person who doesn't need affection but they're really just a sweetheart deep down who wants to be seen as delicate too.💓 My heart omg you guys this is so sad... I'm hearing "let me be myself". They want someone who they can show their true colors with, like looking in a mirror with someone who doesn't degrade their true self.

🖤Messages from your person: I've been trying to keep my distance, I don't know you, I want to take you away, You don't need to take care of me, It's not true (Omg they honestly do want to be cared for😟💞) Extra cards: Door, Lesson, Pretty, Phase, Work, Aquarius, Air, Moon, 6th house, 5th house (They're working on showing their hidden side🤍)

Thank you my pile 1's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!❣

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ w ˂ )ɞ♡ If you did be sure to let me know pile 1 with the blossom emoji~💮 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading❤

Pile 2🥀

Sign energy: Career, Exotic, Pink, Last, Fixation, Water, Aries, 5th house, Neptune, Scorpio, 🏃‍♂️🗻❤🩺

🥀Your person's energy: Ohh okay I'm getting Leo, Aries, Pisces, Scorpio all those sort of signs. Your person is probably very fun and distinct from other people, I feel like they just have this look about them. Now this might be someone you're in a love affair with, maybe one of you enjoys flirting with the other. I feel like you may be resisting this person but your heart is saying like "Yes yes yes 👀👄👀" Now anyways I'm seeing this as someone who creeps into your subconscious a lot and you might have wild fantasies about themmm🙈🔥 Keep it low keyyyy it's so obvious lol your person may be from a far away land like a long distance from where you are, idk why but I'm getting rockstar vibes right now so your person could be into rock or punk music.🎸 Their hair is on fleek btw, they have an unnatural color or style most likely too. They make your heart beat so fast, they may like to run in the mornings. You've told yourself they will be your last, and you're heart is focused on them completely.

💭Their biggest insecurities: Mother, Rest, Escape, Bones, Call, Pluto, Cancer, Water, Libra, South node, 🧩✔♒👎 Hmm this is interesting, so I'm getting some serious baggage with your person my pile 2's... this may be a little dark but they might have a deceased parent or their mother could have a burdensome relationship with them. Whatever the case this is something that's weighing their energy a lot right now, so they're kind of at a dark place right now. This could be an tragic event from the past regarding their mother that they're still holding onto, this could be effecting their relationships with others aswell. They want to leave this mind prison they've trapped themselves in and stop dwelling on the past. They feel powerless and their state of mind is greatly imbalanced. They feel like they could have done things differently to change their past, and perhaps made things easier for their mother. I'm getting they may not have one and if for some of you they do, I'm getting they watched their mother deal with hardships while feeling like a helpless burden.😔🌧 They have this deep guilt and regret for not stepping up to help those in need more, and this has led to my pile 2's aswell. They don't want you to suffer like others they have witnessed before, they worry about putting you in a hard situation without knowing how to protect you. They are worried their care won't suffice. Your person wants to provide and protect those in need but they have little faith in themselves to do so.

🖤Messages from your person: Of course, I need someone, You really think I would choose you? I couldn't stop, What if I make a mistake? (They don't want to disappoint you🥺😭😢) Extra cards: Hot, Mars, Fan, Capricorn, Dreams, Taurus, Capricorn, Pisces, (Uh oh my pile 2's your person has some wicked fantasies about you omg they don't wanna get carried away with the passion they feel!!🥵❤)

Thank you my pile 2's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!❣

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ w ˂ )ɞ♡ If you did be sure to let me know pile 2 with the rose emoji~🥀 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading❤

Pile 3🛁

Sign energy: Affection, Angel, Hunger, Escape, Unseen, Jupiter, Neptune, 6th house, Sun, Gemini, 🔒🐈🎲🎰

🥀Your person's energy: Your person is so soft and beautiful omgggg their soul is like a watercolor painting imo so lovely and enchanting🌊♥️ You may feel like they're unreal or like not human they have such a graceful presence, so stunning~ They may have soft Sagittarius + Pisces placements, I'm getting Leo and Gemini for your person, Virgo could be significant aswell. I keep seeing soft baby blue eyes and deep red nails for some pile 3's person, they have really pretty hands. They are known to daydream and space out into their abstract thoughts often, your person may find feline creatures very beautiful and identify with those creatures. They have an angelic voice and mind, you see them as a pure angel <3 They might take risks often despite their soft nature, trying out anything out of their curiosity. I'm hearing "curiosity killed the cat" lol that's them😂 They're such a curious cat about life and the world around them, I feel like they have diverse interests including you~ This might be someone you "crave" in any way whether it's emotionally or physically you just want themm💗💗 You imagine yourself with them often and fantasize about winning their affection and being held by them, it's always on the back of your mind my loveliesss.

💭Their biggest insecurities: Public image, Impulsive, Locked, Remedy, Book, 8th house, 12th house, Fire, Vertex, 5th house, 🙄🩰🖇🔝 Ohh alright we have some interesting things going on my pile 3's so let's see, with the heavy water house energy we're recieving I'm kind of seeing an obsession/addiction they're hiding from you... maybe it's your obsession that they're insecure about, because they feel so important to you and it's like a pressure in a way.. to be everything for you, they don't know if they can keep you🥺 I feel like your person might be afraid of what others think of you two, like they don't want everyone to know how deep things are between you both. You guys may have a mutual obsession with eachother that they're a little shy about, so they are insecure of their intense feelings for you💓 And I'm seeing the fate of you guys' relationship is something they are a little worried about, they feel in the dark about you and them. Your person is insecure about your loyalty aswell, I can see this as a huge concern for some reason. They might have certain ideas of you and assume you won't commit to them like they will.😟 They know you guys are connected and they're so scared of messing things up, my pile 3's your person knows you have eyes for them but they feel pressured to be the one for you <3 You make them feel special and they hold onto that desperately, so they're always nervous about being their best.

🖤Messages from your person: It all matters, Oh my god, This is interesting, I knew you would feel this way, I don't know who I am (Wow you got them thinking😫) Extra cards: Change, Crush, Innovation, Order, Secret admirer, Neptune, Earth, Chiron, 3rd house, Pisces (They're fantasizing of a confession!! Thinking of confessing to my lovely pile 3!!!)

Thank you my pile 3's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!❣

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 3 with the tub emoji~🛁 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading❤

Pile 4🍰

Sign energy: Right, Abundance, Fan, Connection, Sadness, 11th house, Jupiter, Juno, Aries, Water, 😷🔧🧎‍♂️😳

🥀Your person's energy: Alright this is someone you are head over heels for rn, I can really feel this recieving energy from your person like they're in a state of receiving and earning love and admiration. They're very lucky and have many opportunities, this could who fixes things or very helpful. They could be like the term "fixer upper" so maybe they have some flaws or issues but you look past them.💓 For some of you this could be an internet famous person, they don't have much physical contact with you at the moment I'm really getting that honestly. Some of my pile 4's are the type to chat online a lot with them or maybe you often send messages to your person but then one of you stopped for some reason??😦 Many of you are a fan of your person like their personal little supporter🥰🎉 This may be someone with Aquarius/Aries placements, as well as Sagittarius. They have a nice smile and very emotional too, even if they don't seem that way at first. They feel a lot and I'm getting melancholy vibes from your person~ You see them as your ideal partner and you want to date them. Your person can be impatient at times.

💭Their biggest insecurities: Inspiration, Holding back, Earth, Love at first sight, Activity, Gemini, Vertex, Aries, Leo, Aquarius, ☸🎢🧩🌅 Okay your person has a lot they're anxious about rn, they have been keeping things to themselves a little more than they would like. Your person is afraid to lead you on, because they don't want to lead you in the wrong direction like a dead end with you. They don't want any of that so they're holding back their feelings they're stepping back for a while to process everything. Your person's mind rapid right now just thinking about what to do they keep pondering the best decisions because they're so worried about loosing you.😣 It feels like fireworks are going off in their mind just trying to comprehend the situation between you two. They are so confused and they don't know whether to listen to their head or heart!! Rejection is the biggest insecurity for them and they feel as if they're setting themselves up for disaster. There could be a little self sabotage going on with them, I feel like they have no idea what they want and it drives them crazy. It makes them feel worse about themself that they can't make a decision on this. It's killing them that they're so aimless right now, they hate to admit that they have no clue what move to make with you my pile 4's your person is a mess over you😩❤ They're trying to ground themselves and come up with a rational answer for their situation, because they're insecure about their ability to keep this relationship with you.

🖤Messages from your person: You're mine, I care about you, I want to give you cuddles, You're not okay, I'm so frustrated (Omg they're so stuck rn🥺) Extra cards: Rage, Union, Anonymous, Wish, Slow, Gemini, Aries, Virgo, Libra, Juno (They really want this to work!!🤧💖)

Thank you my pile 4's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!❣

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 4 with the cake emoji~🍰 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading❤

Pile 5🌪

Sign energy: One and only, My everything, Kabedon, Mirror, Smile, Chiron, Eros, Jupiter, Lilith, Leo, 🎤💜🗿🍦

🥀Your person's energy: Ayy I'm getting heavy masculine energy with this one, I'm sensing a really attractive person on this pile's mind~ It's someone very successful and outgoing, they have a really hot smile. I'm seeing pile 5 just melting whenever they see them smiling LOL it's addictive.🥰 This is someone very fun and charismatic, they have such a light energy. It's so enjoyable and sweet!! Prominent Sagittarius and Leo energy. Your person has a genuine aura about them, very honest and showing their true self. They could be a singer or enjoy music a lot, could he their hobby. This person means everything to you, you love them so much and would do anything for them. You also try to be like them, mimicking their little habits and speech patterns <3 They may like the color purple or look good in that color, I have a feeling they are very sweet to you. Which caused you to fall so hard for them!! This person does not show when they are hurt, they will put on a poker face and keep going, so they always seem happy. They have a dark side that you see in yourself, the side you wish you could express but are too shy to. You see them as perfect.💝

💭Their biggest insecurities: Home, Absence, Meaning, Winter, Lesson, Juno, 10th house, Scorpio, Cancer, Saturn, 🤩😡🎧🦁 Your person has some deep feelings they're keeping in, and it's definitely weighing their subconscious rn. They don't feel in the right position, they feel misplaced you could say. Your person has a lot of repressed feelings that they can't hold back anymore, it tears them inside out emotionally. Your person is a drama queen deep down but they are so scared to show this side of them to anyone. Also, your person is so lonely and they have huge insecurities about being needy.😔💞 They just want to cuddle and share their feelings with someone who will keep them safe!! They feel like they have no meaning or worthiness, and they don't want to be a burden. Your crush is secretly clingy but they're ashamed of this, so they pretend to be unbothered by emotional distance. But every little thing really effects them!! They're so insecure about the relationship not bringing you both success and support, they just wanna ensure that you are cared for and that your connection with them will remain true.😚 I'm hearing "keep you interested" and "entertain you" now. They're insecure about you loosing interest or seeing them as less great than you thought, this makes them so nervous awww pile 5 your person really wants to please you.🥺🥺⭐

🖤Messages from your person: I want to hate you, You saved me, Don't think of anyone else, In your imagination, I can't wait to meet you (Ohhh pile 5 they're possessive😳😶❤) Extra cards: Baby, Bones, Nervous, Sight, Punish, 1st house, Aquarius, Mercury, 9th house, Saturn (Aghhh whyyy they're so into you pile 5 they wanna take you down🥵🤯)

Thank you my pile 5's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!❣

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 5 with the tornado emoji~🌪 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading❤

Pile 6🍷

Sign energy: Separation, Quiet place, Neptune, Choice, Mermaid, Scorpio, 10th house, Virgo, Uranus, 1st house, 😫🦄🩺🍰

🥀Your person's energy: Okay I'm getting heavy Scorpio rising vibes oh gosh. Virgo/Aquarius rising aswell as capricorn rising. They have a magnetic aura, their gaze will suck you in so fast. They make you do stupid things without thinking rationally!! You can't think straight around this person, your heart starts beating out of control when you think of them.♥️ I feel like have an attractive collarbone/neck area for some reason, and I also feel called to say this is definitely a loner type of crush. You love their calm and cold demeanor, ohh and their stare has you obsessed you love their piercing gaze. I'm getting a no contact period for some of you with this person, you guys might be far away from eachother or someone is being really REALLY quiet.🤐 They are so mysterious and alluring and you barely know what's in their mind, they're very hard to read at times. But they are highly perceptive and can read you like a book lol it's not fair😂 They are very unique and special, they have charms that make them very different from others. You guys might have a strange situation with this person, a situationship is likely between you two. I feel like you daydream about being dominated by this person in the sweetest way like cuddles where their hug just swallows you whole🥺🥰

💭Their biggest insecurities: Shoulders, Venus, First love, Even, Movie theater, 10th house, 3rd house, Aries, Moon, 8th house, 😭🆙️💬🤝 Awww your person is so sweet omg so first I'm seeing they get really nervous around you like, you give them little butterflies. They have a soft spot for you especially when you pour your heart out and vice versa you listen.😍💕 Their biggest most deep insecurity is scaring you away🥺😰 They have a really deep bond with you and you guys have such an intimate connection, they feel so strongly for you that their emotions and intensity just consumes them. Part of them just wants to hold your hand and brush your hair gently, and then there's another part of them that wants to grab your shoulders and kiss you against the wall until you can't breathe💀 So like they're super worried about how you'll react to their intensity and they don't want to make you uncomfortable or seem to desperate/clingy for your love. They're worried you will just watch them like a clown circus as they cry over you😂 Stop why am I laughing it's so sad though. They are afraid you won't want to match their level of attachment to you, they wish you would let them take control of you in the most loving way. They're scared of being called dramatic or too obsessive, and they don't want to let go. My pile 6's your person is so afraid of becoming that "psycho ex" story for you lmaooo where they just never let go of you when you've moved on. 9/10 chance they're probably crying over you rn.🙃 But seriously they just want mutual feelings!!

🖤Messages from your person: You're my dream, I want you all to myself, We're more than friends, I'm not okay, Who are you to me? Extra cards: Hidden, Innocence, Sugar, True feelings, Innovation, 10th house, Vertex, Air, Pluto, Saturn, (They just wanna stabilize their crazy feelings for you but it's so difficult for them...😢)

Thank you my pile 6's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!❣

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ w ˂ )ɞ♡ If you did be sure to let me know pile 6 with the red glass emoji~🍷 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading❤

Wanna see more readings like this? Check out my tumblr for accurate readings for you!💗🌊🌸

Alright you guys this was a lot to write so I'm glad you found the message you needed. Thanks everyone for reading! (*^w^)/💌 -Lunadream <3

[littlelillycatsworld]

weight loss breakdown (for once not a mental one impressive ik)

as promised heres my weight loss breakdown. I have awful brain fog words aren't working properly (using any and all brain power on English rn) and it's a bit all over the place please be patient with me I have most definitely forgotten some stuff I'll update when I remember

this is not healthy this is what works for me I know the limits of my body you are your own person please look after yourself and don't compare yourself to me. I'm a professional ballerina and ex-taekwondow artist

please be polite don't leave unsolicited advice if I need or want it I'll ask and right now I DONT.

I'm not suggesting that anyone should attempt to fallow this since this is actually insane

DRINKS

I drink lemon honey water or tea for breakfast most days depending on how much calorie dread I have (does that make sense?)

I will only allow myself to drink water, tea or diet coke/zero or ultra monster throughout the day

MEALS

OMAD when possible budget is 900 I rarely ever make it close to my budget

I'll only intentionally eat dinner unless forced otherwise. I must burn off whatever I can from dinner since I don't have classes that late

some days it's completely unavoidable and I have to eat snacks due to outside pressure like friends and family or my manager (he's apparently hell bent on keeping my ass alive)

binges happen we (I) acknowledge them we (me) move

if I feel faint when In class nothing matters I WILL eat I cannot run the risk of hurting myself or my dance partner when it's him who will be the one who makes sure i dont hit the ground

META DAYS

meta days are important please take them!

I must allow myself 2 grace days a week and I try to be gentle with myself. (essentially I'm gentle parenting myself on these days)

I try not to fall into my normal over the top exercise routine since I still haven't figured out how to make these days my bitch

my cal budget is normally around 1400 for these days

EXERCISE

I must do 10k steps at least (normally much closer to 25k)

I start every day off with a mile run sometimes 2 (depending on how much I want to not exist and weather conditions)

i go to the gym at my dorm when weather conditions are bad or it's to cold for me I run on the treadmill it's not as mentally stimulating as outside but I don't like the rain ice or wind too much

i can be expected to be dancing for 8-9hrs on my longest day so for the most part I don't need to worry too much about forcing myself to burn calories but it gives me peace of mind I burn an estimated 4500cal these days (impossible to know for sure since 2 teachers don't allow activity trackers)

around 3000 on my normal days but again 2 teachers are a pain In my ass

I play just dance religiously at this point it takes me 2hrs to burn 500 I do this after dinner or twice a day on the weekends where possible.

I still practice taekwondo and go to a studio to do classes once a week but it's not as extreme as it used to be (no longer training 6 days a week and doing competitions)

WEIGHING

I weigh myself most days

I don't weigh myself during my meta days I don't need the added mental stress

I get weighed by my school once a week but only update my profile if there is a big difference either up or down (accountability and all that)

FASTS

I normally do 24hr since omad

I don't count my medication, gum, diet coke/zero tea or lemon honey water as breaking my fast. if this keeps me mentally stable then idk it doesn't count (politely eat a brick if you try to tell me otherwise)

I always try to get at least one longer fast a week normally after dinner on wednesday to Friday dinner sometimes I can make it to Saturday dinner it just depends on who's around to make me eat

if your wondering how I've survived this far all I can say is I'm a spiteful little bitch who's going to prove a whole list of people wrong

[an-obsessed-cactus]

I think i may be asexual?!

(okay this got longer than expected and i wanted to stop talking cuz ppl won't read it if it's so long and then i realized I'm not here to please anybody and i just wanna process some stuff so. yeah. also i come to realizations farther down that contradict some stuff from the beginning but I'll just leave my whole thought process here)

fun. um. I've realized I'm not straight two years ago and then started learning more about all things LGBT related and think myself educated enough on this topic but.

I've been pondering my sexuality and gender identity again more in recent days and. today i randomly stumbled across a yt video where the author (are you an author on yt? my brain is glitching rn)(also the 'author' in question is @jaidenanimationsofficial wonderful videos love the animation and the humor) talks about being aroace. few hours pass, my stomach hurts like hell so i go to lay down and sleep a bit, wake up and have a realization.

i googled again what asexuality is and read some more on this. i did this before and i guess i didn't see myself in it? so i kinda crossed it off the list of possible identities. i guess because i do want to have sex. i think. I'm not opposed to it and i get horny lmao. but that's only with fictional characters and works? like i just think: that was very sexy of you. but in a platonic way?! sex doesn't cross my mind. (also can you get aroused by music? or a good written work? or movie? like not even the characters but the work itself?) sorry i dunno I'm confused.

anyway i got a bit off track. what i wanted to say was that i suddenly remembered a convo i had with my sister a while ago where we talked about what is the difference between friendship and a romantic relationship. and she said it's that u wanna have sex with them and i was like ... i don't really think that's it...

and like. i get crushes i think. but I've never experienced this want to have sex with a particular person at least that i could remember. like a want to have sex? i guess yeah i mean not rlly sth i think about much but it's not unprecedented(see: i get horny)

honestly I'm not even sure anymore if im not aromantic as well. cuz queerplatonic sounds more like my jam?

like i felt(feel?) like omnisexual described me well because i think I'd be attracted to who the person is at their core. what if ur straight as a girl, date a boy, and then it turns out he's trans? i dunno i feel like gender isn't this fixed thing which then kinda creates problems when labeling urself with a certain sexuality. aaaa people came irl and i lost my train of thought. um. i feel like labeling myself anything other than omnisexual would feel limiting. even if i never developed a crush on a girl for example (i did), i still feel like i could potentially. like there's nothing stopping me. why shouldn't I?

OKAY SO

that was written yesterday. it is now today and i have a whole lot of new thoughts and realizations.

I had a bit of a marathon with @jaidenanimationsofficial videos and i came across an older one she mentioned in the previous one i watched about being aroace(ik it's a mess) about how she couldn't understand why when romantic feelings are not mutual people don't just continue being friends. and i was like EXACTLY WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?! and um. ahem. do u really see it as a problem? I guess if everyone does. but I'm starting to seriously consider if I'm aroace as well which woah there. this happened in a span of a day and I'm not sure it's real and it doesn't feel real? some time will have to pass for me to check out this theory cuz. ppl often say they felt like there was sth wrong with them and then they discovered these terms and were like aHA that's it! that explains everything! and I didn't... have that? and I'm not sure to what extent i identify with aroace because reasons(ill talk about some of it below). and I'm not saying that not having this realization moment or not feeling like sth is wrong with me through my life devalidates my orientation and stuff but it makes me doubt i guess?

i also came to an important discovery that aroused and horny are not the same. who would have thought?! I said above i get horny but apparently being horny means to want to have sex. and i just get the physical part aka arousal. fun. someone help pls im so confused.

okay for the last part(which prolly won't be the last part but one can hope right?)

i said i realized i wasn't straight two years ago. that was when i realized i like my best friend as more than i friend. well it wasn't exactly that simple. tbh i think Lucifer(the series i am NOT a satanist) helped a lot with that? like i knew about some lgbt stuff before because I'm alive on this planet but it kinda made me think about a lot of stuff, and between that stuff was my sexuality as well. idk. it's not like i had a crush on any of the female characters. just got me thinking for some reason. like why is having sex with people you're not romantically involved with wrong? why is prostitution wrong if u enjoy it and get money for it and it's well managed and secure? but that's beside the point.

well anyway I didn't know what i felt towards my bff(I'll say bff cuz bf also stands for boyfriend so it feels weird) but it felt like more than friendship. didn't feel like sth romantic tho. then i discovered queerplatonic relationships exist and i was like i think that's it! and then new school year came i saw her again and doubts flared up. again there was never i wanna have sex with her, but there was an occasional i wanna kiss her. and she was so important to me so it has to be romantic love right?! romance is the highest form of love one can experience afterall! nothing whatsoever can compare to it!! it feels ✨magical✨ when you find you will finally be completed!!! anyways.

it felt like romantic love was the only thing that could justify me feeling this way. i won't go deeper into this because i already have a draft where i do(i have like 16 drafts with uncompleted rambles so...) I'll try to post it but. i told her and we're still good friends! it actually made me closer to the rest of my friend group(which i was only a part of on the paper before)(i was so focused on my bff before I didn't really do group) because i felt a bit distanced from her for a while(she's a people pleaser like me and even tho i think i can read her well im paranoid and i thought she may feel weird?). anyways i got close with 3 other amazing ppl in the meantime and my friendship with my bff hasn't suffered!

but between my feelings being kinda realized and me telling her a whole year has passed and in the end i wasn't even sure what i was feeling anymore just that i didn't want her not to know. idk.

now im wondering what it was. even back then half year pre confession i was thinking if it was just because someone was finally paying attention to me. i didn't really do friends before (i kinda had them but there were no deep convos or shared secrets) and then there was suddenly this person who genuinely enjoys spending time with me! and listens to my problems! and weird obsessions! this sounds kinda sad put like this ngl lmao. but this was the first time I had that deep connection with someone. two years in my confused feelings came. geez i got off track again. point is i thought i was straight up until then and then had a crisis cuz i thought i only liked her cuz she was giving me attention cuz i was straight goddamit! ANYWAYS.

this post has lost all direction. it is a frustrated ramble of a very confused person. let us continue

i will just sum up how i feel about genders and people because I'm a chronic oversharer. oops doops.

men: find them aesthetically pleasing, all celebrity crushes are in this category (there's only one really but if i found a celebrity attractive like not objectively but to me it was a man), i would also get kinda crushes on boys my age when i spent 5 minutes with them. don't ask. i think it's dopamine mining(i suspect i have adhd). im not used to male company and i kinda don't like it that much but the the ?butterflies? are still there. tbh i don't really know what to do with men. doesn't stop me from having crushes tho. i don't have any real desire to be in a romantic relationship with men. i don't exclude the possibility but i haven't found one i would want it with. i also don't know now to interact with them. let alone flirt. actually flirt in general. it feels like it would be cringe and belongs in bad movies.

women: freaking amazing!! love them! no celebrity crushes, one irl crush which might have moved beyond crush(i suspected the L word for a while) to friends or it might have never been a crush in the first place! help! now there's another friend outside of my friend group who i may like. or i just enjoy her company? im not used to this yet. i forgot i think im aroace. this is killing me.

nonbinary/other genders: I haven't met any yet. there are some on discord servers im a part of but I don't really interact much just lurk there. i think irl experience would be different anyway.

someone please explain sth to me. you have sexual attraction okay get that(not really but that's not the point). but then there's romantic attraction. how do you separate that from friendship? just this intense feelings of wanting to be with them at all times? okay myb myb let's say u can separate them from friendship. what about queerplatonic? guys??

i am starting to dislike labels. this is confusing.

also i gotta figure this romantic thing out cuz im writing a fantasy series and there's romance involved lol.

okay so i guess i am at least asexual cuz i don't see ppl and go 'i wanna have sex with them'. i am not yet thoroughly convinced im aromantic as well but we'll see about that ig. because i still don't understand what the difference between romance and deep friendship is. aghhh

although if i can't tell the difference myb that answers the question.

also how does someone who is asexual but romantically attracted to all genders label themselves? like omnisexual ig doesn't work cuz it omnisexual.

i went to google aromantic and.

"demiromantic people have romantic attraction only after forming an emotional bond with another person."

HOW ELSE DO YOU HAVE ROMANTIC ATTRACTION??? Isn't this about who the person is?! Do you just see them and go: oh this must be such a good person. what?

like i understand sexual attraction when you see someone ig. but romantic? i really need someone to explain this to me in depth. i haven't even been asking the right questions.

"Quoiromantic people can't tell the difference between romantic and platonic attractions." Welp i guess i have a new label i can stick on myself. also the name is killing me. (quoi=what in french💀)

(edit: well this thing just posted itself. I DIDN'T HIT POST WTF. but it's out there now. ig it had enough of me adding new and new thoughts. im inclined to agree)

[soleilnomoon]

Hi again! Still absolutely adore your Kid fic from your last event 💜 Never got around to asking for a Sanji one, so here I am again😅 But seriously, congrats on over 550 followers!! Love seeing your blog grow, cause you’re really talented and deserve them all and legit can’t wait til you hit 1k+ 🥰

For the event order, may I please ask for a #1 with my boi Sanji, with anmitsu, konpeito, and keylime pie and with honey, please? 🥹 i hate this but need some sanji angst 😭

I also dunno if these three would work particularly well together for a prompt, so you can choose whatever! just really feeling angst and sanji rn and maybe comfort if you’d like 🥰

Thank you for all your works you’ve done so far 💜💜

hiiii omg haha i loved that fic fr (i'm obsessed w that man!!!) also ily for requesting sanji i don't write him nearly enough 🥰️ but thank you sm!! 😭 making me all soft and i am so so sorry this took forever, as u know i am so slow but!!! i had fun tormenting sanji w the angst ngl 💓💓💓💓 also those were great choices for the prompt, i wanted to write more but it would've been 8k words before i finished and who has time for that (i do, but listen... that's besides the point) ✨

2k words, fem reader (honestly gn too now that i think abt it), sfw (SHOCKING i know), 18+ mdni, a lil bit suggestive but nothing wild, angst angst angst city babey, fluff if you squint, also i gave u comfort bc u deserve it bb 💗(and sanji does too); feat. sanji being in denial forever and ever, mutual pining, fake unrequited love, reader is determined and sanji is a coward; also i made myself sad writing this but a good sad bc sanji deserves happiness and i'll fight oda if he doesn't get it i s2g... (if u see grammar mistakes/spelling errors... no u didn't 💗)

“loving each other began this way: threading / loneliness into loneliness / patiently, our hands trembling and precise.” — yehuda amichai

STEP 01:

what does it take to kill a soul? —

a question that’s posed unironically, without a hint of remorse or tact, the words precise and venomous, slicing through the thick veneer that he’s carefully crafted. he’s never been able to answer that question — not at six years old, not twelve or fifteen, and not at twenty-one. his siblings took pleasure in taunting him with seemingly philosophical questions, ones that clamped down onto his thoughts with heavy shackles.

even after he’s extracted himself from that life, he can’t scrub those memories from his mind — no matter how hard he tries. they sit, still raw and bloody, giving rise to unpleasant emotions that make his stomach churn from so many things left unsaid. he never set out to be a pirate, but piracy has given him the sort of freedom that he could only wish for as a child.

it’s with tender hands, with nimble yet graceful fingers, and with a fastidiousness that puts him in a category of his own, that he creates and creates and creates —

he’s told he’s an artist, which only pushes him to work harder, to be better. and when he asks himself why, he doesn’t have an answer. or, rather, the answer he does have only serves as a punishing reminder that he’ll never be good enough. no matter how many times his crew mates thank him — their emphatic, genuine praise a soft, warm breeze against his heart, gentle caresses that he commits to memory — despair still manages to infiltrate, a darkness choking out what little light he has left inside of him.

STEP 02:

how far are you willing to go to reach the truth? —

when you join the crew, he’s unnerved by your presence, which is wholly unlike him. usually, he’s able to put on his façade of the flirtatious cook, one that’s jovial and sociable, that lives to serve and please those around him. his first conversation with you ends in disaster; he spills the drink he tried to pour for you, despite your insistence that you are perfectly capable of pouring your own drink — and he knows it’s not out of malice, but it cuts into him all the same.

he tries again and again, bringing you little treats that you only agree to eating if he sits and eats with you; confusion eats away at his mind, and when he opens his mouth to decline, you pat the seat next to you and he acquiesces. he sits stiffly, at first, unsure of why he always feels on edge around you — an irritating need to impress you in a way he’s never wanted to for others grows stronger by the day.

you think it’s cute that he always seems flustered around you — that he stumbles over his words, refuses to hold eye contact with you for longer than thirty seconds — you also think it’s cute that the false bravado that he puts on for the world, diminishes immediately the second you come close to him. if he’s skittish, it’s because you always catch him staring at you; despite his quick reflexes, his reactions around you are slow but pure — childish, almost.

lately he’s clumsier and scatterbrained, nearly burning dinner when you decide to keep him company. you lean against the countertop, a teasing smile on your face — the same one that that caused him to bump his forehead against the cabinet door earlier — as you prattle on about a dream you had. he can barely keep up, his eyes drifting from the skillet to your face, gliding around the curve of your cheek, dipping lower in a slow descent along your neck.

he blinks repeatedly when he reaches your clavicle, stunned at his restraint; and it’s only when you call his name loudly that he realizes he’s left the heat on for too long.

“are you okay?” you ask when you see that he’s fussing over how best to save the dish, mouth moving as he quietly mutters to himself. he barely registers your voice, as an insidious one whispers harshly into his ears about his perpetual incompetence and lack of talent.

you can see that he’s retreated even further into his mind, a feat that also leaves you frustrated. you want to shake him but refrain and grab his hand instead. he snaps out of whatever stupor that held him captive just moments ago, lips parting as he sighs softly before glancing down at you.

“thank you.”

the words are quiet, but impactful, as he didn’t think he’d be able to get them out. you let go of his hand too soon, but he doesn’t say anything else, choosing to focus on cooking than embarrassing himself again in front of you.

you take his silence as a silent dismissal, but you don’t fight him on it — it’s bitter, that sort of rejection, and you swallow back your argument with great difficulty.

STEP 03:

what’s the difference between cowardice and self-preservation? —

frustration bubbles underneath his skin when he can’t find where he placed his lighter; he runs a hand through his hair and tugs on impulse, accidentally ripping a few strands from his scalp. they swirl and tumble onto the ground, pathetic in a way — just like me, but he never really says that out loud. he doesn’t hear your footsteps, although you did your best to remain as quiet as possible.

a cigarette sits in between his lips, and he has half a mind to toss it over the railing of the ship, but a warmth suddenly appears in front of him in the form of a flame. you found his lighter on the floor earlier and meant to give it to him, but every time you got closer, he found every excuse to leave. you don’t realize the impact you have on him — not really, anyway — because he’s genuinely surprised that you can’t hear the heavy beats of his heart that grow more intolerable the longer he hangs around you.

always afraid of being found out, he opts to keep his distance. it’s easier this way, he tells himself, better. but he doesn’t quite believe that; the evidence is plain as day when his tongue feels like its grown three sizes in the span of seconds, where his words get lost and forgotten. it’s all your fault, he reasons; you who insists on talking candidly with him, who insists on listening to him ramble about his dreams, who absolutely insists on stubbornly tearing down his walls, steadily chipping away without a care in the world. he looks at you as if you are the source of all his problems, but he also looks at you as if you’re the solution.

the intensity behind his stare makes your hands tremble slightly, it’s a miracle you’ve managed to keep yourself composed for this long. you light the end of his cigarette with ease, as if you’ve done this for him hundreds of times —and place the lighter into his pants pocket afterwards. if he wasn’t so used to you getting in his personal space all the time, he’d retreat immediately. the proximity is almost too much for him, but he doesn’t step back; you take that as a good sign and keep him company for a few minutes.

you don’t care for the smell of smoke, but on him it smells good. you almost tell him that, but instead bite down on your lip and keep your comment at bay, nerves getting the best of you as you nearly choke on the possibility that your feelings won’t be reciprocated.

another time, maybe. cheeks flushed, you turn your face to look elsewhere. although, you wonder if there ever will be another time. with him, you never know.

he’s still trying to figure you out and why he feels a different sort of calm around you; it’s alarming and new, drumming up an irrational fear within him. he doesn’t think he’s deserving of your attention or affection, and he’s convinced himself that you don’t harbor any romantic feelings for him. and why would you?

one by one, his thoughts pummel into him, acerbic and overwhelming. he exhales a sliver of smoke and puts the cigarette out. he gives you a quick, apologetic look before telling you goodnight, the smile on his face is melancholic and barely existent. you don’t dare say a word, keep your lips pressed together stubbornly; exasperated and dejected, you don’t know what’s worse — his inability to lower his guard around you for longer than ten minutes, or your inability to stop yourself from trying to carve pieces of yourself to give to him.

maybe if you helped him fill the gaping holes in his heart, he’d truly understand how you feel.

STEP 04:

if you had to do it all over again, would you do anything differently? —

sleep evades you after that night, and the night after that, and so forth; it gets so bad that you’re yawning in the middle of the day, falling asleep before you can have a cup of coffee or tea. this does not go unnoticed by the others, and after talking with nami, you feel less out of your element and finally can see the parts of sanji that he wants to keep hidden. her advice is simple: approach slowly and with intent; corner him and don’t let him escape.

you bide your time, full confident that you can find a moment to sit down with him and talk this all out. it doesn’t come easy, but franky mysteriously swaps sanji for the night’s watch — something that should strike you as odd, but it’s a small opening that you take without thinking as you hurriedly climb up to the crow’s nest with a renewed sort of energy.

even with his eyes closed, as he sits lazily on the bench with head tilted back against the wall, he knows it’s you.

“go back to bed,” he says firmly, refusing to look at you.

your stubbornness, unfortunately, wins out. “i’m staying.” at that he sits up, his attention completely on you as his eyes widen at your words. he wants to ask you why, but cowardice wins out — again. as his features soften, a flush crawls along his face, lightly painting his cheeks pink. he closes his eyes again, tries to steady his breathing as he counts backwards, only for his efforts to be obliterated with ease the moment you sit next to him.

as your thigh presses against his, you take his hand and on impulse you trace your fingertip along the lines on his palm. he watches you with a morbid fascination that scares him; but then you start to say things like, “you will live a very long life,” and “you are courageous, and you have a big heart.”

a small part of him wants to pull his hand away, so you won’t say anything else — but he remains put, so still that you almost think he’s stopped breathing. your voice is sweet and disarming, even when you carry on this charade of reading his palm. a belated realization hits him forcefully, making him blink several times; it dawns on him that you’ve always been so kind and gentle with him, even when you teased him. he’s spent all this time overthinking and hiding behind his past, that it never occurred to him that he could have simply let you in. you’ve never given him reason to believe that you’d betray or harm him intentionally.

he takes a deep breath, voice a little uneven, “i—”

you lean in close, adoration dripping onto your words as you interrupt him. “hey, have i told you?” the question glides along his skin, the words seeping into him as you continue, the lilt in your voice a honeyed, melodic spell. “you remind me of starlight and the mysteries of space.” your lips brush against his when you tell him that, and a warmth settles into the middle of his chest, makes it hard to focus. he doesn’t think when he curls his fingers around yours and doesn’t think when heleans down to kiss you — tender yet electrifying all the same.

the move disarms you in a way that doesn’t quite make sense to you, so you simply hum in approval and lean your head against his shoulder. a comfortable silence settles around you both, but you don’t mind that at all; it’s nice, not having to tip-toe around him anymore, and the demons that plagued him for so long don’t seem so intimidating with you by his side.

[circular-bircular]

hello! im currently questioning whether I am disordered or not. I was wondering if you would be willing to share your experiences if you're comfortable or maybe share some good resources about what its like being disordered because im really lost rn. this blog is great btw! take care of yourself <3

Hey there! Glad you enjoy my blog, sorry it took a bit to get to this. This is the first night in like a month that I have any free time whatsoever (and that's cause I'm putting off grades, lol...)

I hope you don't mind a bulletpointer on this one!

Disordered experiences...

Firstly, I cannot overstate how fucking everything about me is impacted by trauma. Physical health? I get sick more often because my body has fought as hard as it has to survive -- it's an actual thing that traumatized people get physically sick more often. Mental health? Shit. Depression's comorbid, anxiety is comorbid, and I've even seen discussions about the connections between autism and DID, and those two do not mix well in me. All of my everything is constantly fucked.

I cannot goddamn sleep. Sleep is a goddamn hellscape. I run from somewhere between 2 to 6 hours of sleep most nights, and have to take plenty of naps just to survive. That makes it next to impossible some days to get the energy I need, or if I did get enough nappies, to get the free-time I need.

In terms of my actual DID... Amnesia is the biggest one. I constantly have gaps. I have to write every single thing down. I have plenty of accomodations, sure! But even those fail from time to time, and then it's just a spiral. Like, today at work, I had a surprise meeting I did not write down, because I just forgot to. I forgot about the meeting until 10 minutes prior, when I got an alert in my email about it. This meant I skipped lunch, and had to try and focus without having eaten since 9am. This made my day harder, which led to...

Dissociation!!! God fuck. It's so hard to focus sometimes. I am so spaced out. Today was one of those days where I had to cling to my phone for survival and grounding. Not the healthiest coping mechanism, but it's better to be writing posts on tumblr during class than forgetting I'm in class at all. And none of the kids snitch on me -- just get a little pissy if I don't call on them quickly enough.

Trauma flashbacks. Ough. If I get stuck in one, goodbye ability to think for awhile. It's been happening more and more frequently at work lately, so there goes my 30 minute lunch spent in the bathroom forgetting I exist because I feel like I'm going to my parents house after school.

That ties into paranoia. I have to convince myself more often than not that, when I get home, my abusers won't be there. I'm 26 and haven't directly lived with them in 3 years, and I cut them off close to a year ago. I still wake up thinking they're breaking in.

That's about all I can think off quick, off the top of my head. Basically... owie owie my brain is a big ol bruise.

[lostfracturess]

Hi! I'm a s&c reader and I really like the way you write! Your fanfic is very good and addictive, not only because of the events, but also because of the quality of the writing.

I was wondering if you have any writing advice?

Bye~

thank you so much!! of course, i've giving a few writing tips here before. here are more i can think of rn:

read yourself: by reading yourself (fanficiton or not) you become a better writer. immersing yourself in different styles and genres really broadens your understanding of writing and also let you explore what you enjoy and what not.

write regularly: practice makes a huge difference. don't get stuck on perfectionism in your early drafts (which i'm terrible at). just getting words on the page is the first step.

find your voice: your unique way of putting words together is what makes your writing stand out. don't be afraid to experiment with tone and language. you don't have to have everything set from the start, you can explore and have fun with language as you go!

i've been experimenting a bit the last few chapter with s&c with my writing myself and make it more "visceral" or how you would call it, like really gripping and "ugly" in the way you describe feelings.

i think r. f. kuang (poppy war trilogy) does this so excellently and i really like her writing style. she was always a big inspiration for me.

plotting: some writers like detailed outlines, while others prefer to discover their story as they write. when i get stuck with writing i often plot more. than i think it's easier to write but also i'm so impatient and just want to write instead of plotting... so you'll have to experiment to see what works best for you.

reverse plotting:  if you're stuck with plotting, start with the ending you want and brainstorm how your characters might arrive at that point.

specificity over generalities: instead of "big tree," can it be a "towering oak" or a "gnarled willow"? instead of "nice day," describe the "crisp air" and "bright sunshine." this makes the scene more vivid for the readers.

add sensory details: don't just tell the reader what's happening, describe what it smells, tastes, sounds, and feels like.

don't be afraid of using the word "said": maybe it's just me but some authors shy away from that, which i get because it reads so repetitive but i rather read "said" a few times in a scene with a lot of people, instead of loosing sight of who said what.

notes on your phone: often i get random thoughts and i then have to immediately write them down in my notes app because otherwise they would slip again out of my brain. so whenever you have a good scene in mind or see something (in a movie or what) you like, just write it down and come back to it later.

vary sentence length: mix of long sentences and short, impactful sentences creates a rhythm in your writing. a lot of long sentences in a row can feel slightly boring otherwise. try to break it up with some short ones in between.

ask yourself questions: does this scene help the plot? or is it just for fun? what should the reader know after this scene? or with what feeling should the reader be left? is this character's motivation clear? this will help you identify potential weaknesses in your writing.

lastly but most importantly! don't compare yourself to others: it's so hard to not compare yourself with other, i know that myself all too well, but writing is a journey and for most of us a hobby. focus on writing what you really like and celebrating your successes, no matter how small!! ♡

hope these will help you a bit! sending you love ♡

[jovenshires]

You’ve probably been asked this before but what’s like your fanfic writing process?? Like how do you end up writing your fanfictions?

i actually haven't but i'd be happy to talk about it!! i'm actually writing fic right now, so here's what i've done in the past like. hour. im gonna put it under the cut bc its EXTREMELY long but if you ever wanted 'katie's guide to fic writing,' here it is!

i'm pretty easily distracted, so i've gotta make sure i'm in like. The Right Conditions. that means phone face down or away if i can (rn i've got to be on call in case my boss needs smth but you get the gist) bc i WILL just open tiktok or play a mobile game. even just now writing this answer i have picked up my phone and opened pinterest. i cannot be stopped so i try to stay off it and put it down when i catch myself!!

more and more often i cant even listen to music while i write - partly bc i tend to read my work aloud to myself to make sure it sounds right and partly bc my brain will be like "you know this song omg the words are in your brain" or "you should go look at what song this is bc you kinda like it". cannot trust myself even with sound. if i AM listening to music while i write, it's either the specific playlist for that fic, playlists with the right vibes (ex: rivals-to-lovers for iwks), OR anime openings bc. less likely to get distracted when it's not in english tbh.

(huge on all of the senses so i also usually have a candle lit. im super sensitive to smells so if there's an unpleasant smell somewhere around me i will be unable to focus <3)

all that being said about distractions, i think it's important to take breaks - dont just FORCE yourself to write. that's why i'm huge on setting goals for myself - deadlines, word count goals, timed breaks. like "okay im gonna sprint write for 10 minutes and then after that ill watch some of this danny gonzalez video" or "i'll write until 3:30 and then i should go take a break and read a book." im not always faithful to my goals but i try my best!!

as for the actual writing itself, i typically just go for it. i can usually see an image in my mind and i try my best to write that out/describe it as best i can. and then if it sounds wrong i just reword it again and again until i've got it. this is kind of where my reading aloud bit comes in - if it sounds right when you say it out loud, that generally means it sounds right in the text.

sometimes i'll just have a certain scene or just scraps of dialogue and i'll write that out and be like "okay how did they get here." i never embraced writing out of order until recently, but now that i have. no going back tbh i highly recommend it. rwylm and iwks especially had scenes WAY later down the line that i wrote first. just write what comes naturally and go from there.

occasionally i do outlines, but not super often, and when i do they're vague as hell. i think a lot of my iwks outline was just "game" and then "another game but tommy is there this time." i think outlines that go too in-depth kind of take away from the freedom of writing so. if it's for you then slay but its usually not for me

i try not to worry too hard about. the style/grammar/little things as i go. of course im guilty of this and i'll stop and edit my own works along the way sometimes but i've found it's best if you keep writing and then go back later!!

sometimes when i'm writing a new smosh cast member i'll go back and watch videos/compilations of them just to reorient my brain. i've done this a lot with chanse recently!! but i also think. it really isn't that deep too NSDKFNKNK like these are fictionalized versions of fictionalized selves and so on and so forth so don't worry about 'voice' too much im trying to kick that habit myself

EDIT: oh i've talked about this before but. as for ideas/where my fic ideas come from?? i truly try to grab from my every day life. oh i went to the grocery store today? what if smosh member a and smosh member b went to the grocery store. i watched a horror movie and you know who else could do that. otherwise i pull from music/movies/tv shows/other media and be like 'this but for smosh.' i really just be pulling from my life and repackaging it thats all. start small (haircut fic) and work your way up (homoerotic soccer epic)!

and i think that's it?? i'd like to think im pretty chill about the whole thing. (read: i am not chill in any way at all but im trying my best.) anyway, it's something i'm always happy to talk about - thank you for asking!!

[robodove]

SHOW US THE PIRATE STUFF DO THE MERMAID STUFF ALKNASDAS

OKAY I FINALLY HAVE A LITTLE TIME ARRGAGRG I hope this aimless infodump is readable

so! Their designs and junk are a mess rn but I do have some stuff of them!!

Ignore the little dragon in the last I'm still working on Lloyd's whole... business. And! Don't mind the text in the pink one, I was just tryna think up silly nicknames!

Anyways! They aren't really... Traditional pirates? Y'know.. cause their crew size is like 5 + a child and ancient beast.

Under division is a small ramble

Cole's the "captain" and is a selkie (although I know they're usually seals I accidentally chose a sea lion)! He's the sea lion in the pictures and I'm desperately trying to work his skin into the design. I thought it'd be silly since he was raised in dance and entertainment.. and hey! Sea lions are known for that too!

(he wasn't meant to look so forsaken here, sorry Cole)

Jay is a mermaid (thing?) When in the water, he has the lower half reminiscent of an electric eel (I saw reminiscent as there are some major differences)! No one really has powers in this but he can still shock like that,, Ed and Edna are still human in this and I'm trying to remember if they still lived at a scrapyard or a shipyard.

Both Kai and Nya are only half mermaid! Nya ended up inheriting way more mermaid traits than her brother, who doesn't even have a tail in water, but still has a lot of human drawbacks. She can only breathe underwater for so long and ironically Kai can last down there longer. He just chooses not to since I thought it'd be funny to still let him be scared of water in this 😭 sorry Kai. He still has the recognizable sharper teeth and has bits and flashes of shimmery scales but is overall the most human of the bunch once you count out Cole's unskinned form.

I couldn't resist myself on Zane and ended up making him a siren. Mainly because.. bird! And also if he was going to be organic, I wanted to isolate him from the other sea related creatures. He has the wings and feathers of a gyrfalcon and can't swim as well in the ocean! He ends up bonding with Kai over this Kai originally hadn't liked him too much! Reasonably so since.. y'know.. sirens eat people. And mermaids in this.. although Zane eats human things as he was raised on it by a still very human Dr. Julien (who I guess is more of a bird-oriented wildlife scientist in this? ornithologist?). insert joke about him being a hand raised bird.

I don't have my sketchbook with me right now so I'm scrambling for pictures but ! Like all their designs, he's still a work in progress. Will most likely make his legs longer or something but this is just my ideas LOL

And anyways! Onto Lloyd! (And the others?)

I was struggling to decide what Lloyd should be,, like? A dragon could still very much work and his normal version is already so cool?? However, I ended up on leviathan.. a baby one. The serpentine aren't decided but Lloyd's still pretty much not taken seriously by the town. Still winds up being taken in by the "ninja!"

Garmadon is still locked up, although now at the bottom of the ocean! The Skulkin are drowned/dead pirates?

Wu is who I've been struggling to decide on as well! For whatever reason I've been contemplating making him like just some statue in the Destiny's Bounty that speaks to them.

There's plenty of other things going on,, Kai and Nya come to them on accident and Jay is over the moon to see other moons and wants to show them their "ways" despite having never even met others before. Cole is desperately trying to keep everyone in one place as they've accidentally made the perfect collection of the world's most valuable pelts.

Kai still raises Nya at the forge (which in this, is beachside), but years later there's a rise in pricing for the scales of mers and the boy decides that they need to leave in effort to protect her. Nya is devastated because this is their home! Where else would they even go?? They barely have any cash! Kai's decision is further inland AND with the money they get from selling the forge. Yadda, yadda, the buyer turns on them and they wind up in the ocean near their home! Kai's knocked cold, which is for the better as Nya swims them further and further into open ocean.

For the first time, Nya meets another mer as she tries to save her brother, and he helps them aboard a ship! The Destiny's Bounty! (Or perhaps a ship before it? It's all still up in air)

I'd expand more but I'm out of time </3 please give any suggestions if you'd like to! I'd always appreciate criticism

[sineala]

Hi Sine! I find myself in possession of a very long plot (not going to count how many of those are in my inventory), and was hoping you'd share what program(s) you use for yours? I'm the sort who'd use a murder-wall with notecards but I don't have space rn. I *should* use tagging systems but all the ones available are so sketchy and unreliable that I lose focus just typing. Also I tried to search but. This is tumbs. Thanks - Shusu

Oh boy, this question was made for me!

The first novel-length story I wrote, I wrote in TextEdit. All 90,000 words of it. I basically just made a list of the scenes I wanted in the order I wanted them in, started typing the story above the list, and deleted every scene from the list when I had written it. I don't recommend this.

These days, I use Scapple and Scrivener. I have much more detail below. I am sure I have talked about them before but, as you say, Tumblr is hard to search.

Different things will work for different people, and I don't always start this way, but sometimes, while I'm still trying to rough out an idea, I start with a mind mapping program. You know that brainstorming technique that you learned in, like, third grade, where you take a piece of paper and you write down the main idea in the center in a bubble and then branch lines out from those with more bubbles containing related ideas, and then branch things out from those, and so on? You can get programs to do that instead of a big piece of paper, and the advantage to doing this on a computer is that your piece of paper can be infinitely large and you won't ever run out of space.

I will sometimes skip this step if I already know what order things are going to happen in (in that case, I just make an outline), but if it's the kind of unformed idea where I just want to write down everything that happens as I think of it so I won't forget it later, then I use a mind map.

I also use it to write down bits of dialogue as I think of them; the program I use lets me change fonts and colors and so on, so I have color-coded my dialogue by character:

I feel like I have probably posted this before but Tumblr is not letting me search. Also, this is probably not how you're supposed to use this, judging by how it exports data, but whatever.

There are a variety of programs that can help you make mind maps, and I'm sure a lot of them are good. The one I use is Scapple, which I like for a few reasons: it's very easy to use (you type something in, and then to connect two bubbles you drag one on top of the other) in a way that gives you a lot of freedom; it's not a subscription model like a lot of apps are (you buy it, you pay once, you can use it forever, and it costs about $20); and mostly, it's made by the developer of the writing program I use (Scrivener), meaning that the two programs integrate very well.

So then there's Scrivener.

Scrivener is probably the absolute most useful software I have ever owned; I have bought it four times now. (All three desktop versions and then the iOS version.) It is a word processor that is designed to help you structure and write novels. There are similar programs for free or at least cheaper, of course, but this is the one I use. (It also isn't a subscription; you just buy it.)

The downside is that it's a very complex program. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can look a little daunting. It's one of those programs that has hundreds of features and you will only use about fifty percent of them, but everyone uses a different fifty percent, so there's something for everyone. (It can generate character names! There's a feature on the Mac version where it can highlight words by part of speech! You can change all the icons! The LaTeX export is pretty decent!)

Honestly, as long as you can figure out how to make scenes, rearrange scenes, edit synopses, and get your work out of the program, you're good to go; that's probably what you'll be doing most of the time.

Scrivener is basically designed around the murder-wall-of-notecards writing approach. A Scrivener project contains your Draft, which can have a bunch of folders in it (chapters) which can have individual documents (scenes). Each scene has an index card associated with it, and each index card is where you can write a synopsis for each scene.

You can view your story as single scenes or as a whole story (optionally with a window showing the synopses, so you can remember what you thought was going to happen while you are writing; I have shown this above) or you can just view the synopses as an outline or as index cards, like so:

There's your murder wall right there.

Rearranging the index cards also rearranges the scenes. (Rearranging the scenes using the list in the sidebar also rearranges the scenes.) So if you want to swap scenes around, you can do that. If you want to write the end first, you can do that. If you want to add three more scenes in the middle, you can do that.

You can also search your whole project, color code the index cards, tag them however you want with keywords (e.g., a keyword for every character who appears in the scene) and then look at everything you've tagged with particular keywords, notate scenes by whether they're done or not, and basically everything else you can think of. Mostly I have used this to color code scenes by POV so I can keep track of who's talking; I could also have used keywords.

So my first move when I start a project in Scrivener is to make a bunch of blank documents for all the scenes I think I will have, give them some kind of meaningful title, start writing down on the notecards things that will happen in each scene, and then move them around. This is where Scapple comes in handy -- both because I already have an idea from making a mind map in Scapple of what scenes I want, and also because the integration between Scapple and Scrivener makes it really, really easy to get started.

How do Scapple and Scrivener integrate, you ask? If you make a mind map in Scapple, you can drag and drop it into Scrivener and it will automatically make one scene for every bubble you have, and the text of each bubble will be on the notecard, so you can basically start with all of your scenes that you already have made in Scapple and then reorder them as you like.

Scrivener projects also have a Research section, where you can store basically anything related to what you're working on; you can set it to show your draft and your research at the same time. Basically anything can go in here. Mine usually have notes, more notes, character information, lines I cut but wanted to save somewhere (there is also a versioning system built in if you prefer that), comics panels, reference pictures, and entire webpages. This way, you'll never have to figure out what you did with that thing you looked up for your story, because you can keep it right there with your story.

Scrivener costs $60, which is kind of a lot, but there are very often coupons for 50% off from online software retailers (I just saw one on Boing Boing a couple days ago that still works as of the time I am answering this; I can vouch that they are a legit retailer). Also if you know anyone who has won NaNoWriMo, they get a Scrivener coupon as part of their winnings, and some people don't use theirs. It has a thirty-day free trial period (IIRC that's 30 days of use, not 30 calendar days) so you can try it and see if it works for you.

I also made a Compile Format for Scrivener 3 -- the current version -- so I can export HTML suitable for AO3 or Dreamwidth in one click. Scrivener can export your work in basically any format you can think of, but the default HTML exports all have too much stuff in them for my liking.

(Scrivener also has a bunch of preset templates for various kinds of writing -- like, there's a Novel template with room for character sheets and settings and all of that. You can make your own template, too. I actually made my own template for writing fanfiction for AO3. I'm not sharing this one because it is so personalized to me that it wouldn't be useful -- but, for example, I already know that I'm going to want a document in my Research section where I list notes about canon, and one where I list what bits I need to edit, and one where I copy in any conversations I've had with beta readers that I might want to refer to, and one where I list the things that will be in the AO3 header (it contains empty spaces for Title, Fandom, Tags, Summary, etc) so I can now always start with that. You can make a template yourself by opening a new project, setting it up exactly the way you like with the Research documents exactly the way you want, and then doing File > Save as Template. It will copy everything including any text that's in there so you want to use something that doesn't already have any story or research content written in it because then that will get copied. But it's a real timesaver.)

Anyway. Scrivener is the best.

[akirawrites24]

Hello once again, I'm the anon who asked for smut for akechi I didn't realize you updated, sorry for the late reply, then can you do Dom!Akechi with F!Reader doing it For the first time for the two of them ?

I can work with that!

Goro Akechi x Female!Reader

Fandom: Persona 5

Ps: This is the only thing I could bring myself to write, I have big writers block rn.

Warnings: smut, loss of virginity (both), Top!Akechi, bottom!Reader, no protection.

________

The first time the two of you fell in love, must've been somewhere in September. You fell in love with him due his kind personality, and is willing to fight for justice.

He fell in love with you the moment he met you. Your cute face and your determination to help people…He liked it.

Perhaps that is one of the reasons why both of you are currently in his bed, ripping each other's clothes off like two wolves that are in heat.

Maybe that is also the reason why he pushed you down and started to lick and suck on your neck and leave hickeys there.

"Goro..~", you moaned as he got lower. He wanted to do his best for you, even if you both are still virgins. Well, for now that is.

He only chuckled as he got your pants off, seeing how soaked you are.

"All this for me? What a lucky man I am..", he said and then proceeded to put two fingers in her, stretching her out. Perhaps starting with one would have been easier for her..Then again, he only knows what he is doing because his mother was a sex worker, he really should have been more gentle.

To say that you minded however, is a total lie. He knew that you would love the rough treatment. He thought that every woman would love that.

You weren't even able to speak properly. He scissored you open, your wetness getting all over his hands.

"So soaking wet…My fingers are just being sucked in so nice..Yeah, you really are perfect", Goro said as he fumbled with his belt, desperate to get his erection out.

The second he pushed in however, he became stiff. Like he was shaking.

You noticed this. 'Perhaps it is because it is his first time?', you thought, but didn't dare to say a word of it.

"D-don't worry..! I just start moving! You j-just keep laying down, okay?", He said as he gave an experimental thrust, making them moan.

Goro was feeling like he couldn't get enough from it. Was this the reason why his mother did what he did? Because it feels good? No, he can't think like that. It is. just his horny mind that is speaking currently, he can't really think clearly.

"Hold on for a minute… You are going to a bit too fast", [Name] said, which he nodded too. He stayed still for a moment and thrusted slowly, but everything in him just screamed to go faster, but he held himself back for her.

How much he wanted to go faster, but he knew he had to be careful. This is an experience that they both have to share perfectly.

[Name] moaned a great pleasure, and Goro must have figured it out this is what she likes. Yeah, he can go with this for a while.

After all, what is a Prince if he isn't good for his Princess?

[elizabethshaw]

thoughts on "echoes"!! under the cut bc of spoilers:

this boxset absolutely came out at one of the worst possible times for me (my busiest day of the week, at a time when i have 6 different exams, a presentation and also assessments for my home uni to prepare for), and i fear it may have regnited my 8das fixation somewhat which is. not something i have time for rn lmao. we'll see how it goes i guess! anyway personal stuff over now-

i definitely enjoyed it overall! i'm still not entirely sure where i'd rank it in comparison with the other post-stranded boxsets but it was a lot of fun, and it was (as expected) a joy to hear this tardis team together again :)

i will say however that i did have one major qualm with it, which is that i felt a bit let down with how little it followed through with the emotional plotlines set up in the preceding two sets. i got the feeling when listening to "what lies inside?" and "connections" that they were very much going somewhere with this team's (particularly helen's) emotional arc, and while i won't deny there were some nice scenes with them in this set, the fact that these threads were otherwise left to one side most of the time was a disappointment. there was potential to do some really interesting character work in continuation from the events of those previous episodes and it just. didn't happen. i don't want to sound too down about it because i did still really enjoy these stories, but i think this side of things was missing a little bit for me. hm.

anyway, episode-by-episode thoughts:

birdsong

i think this was my favourite of the set. i really love audio drama that leans into more horror-adjacent aspects (even though i'm not a massive horror fan otherwise tbh), and also love it when audio drama just gets kinda fucked up with it. this story hit on both counts for me :)

love that this continued the running trend from the previous boxsets of the episode starting with eight, liv and helen just getting to be silly for a bit before the Horrors inevitably happen :D

lowkey actually love the concept of barcodes as a written language! part of me wants to try and work out how that could work now

scots pine trees... it never rains... bracken... sand... they're literally in breckland lmao

saying that it does also have the Suffocating Quietness going on so i think i'm onto something here...

when the vortex previews for this set mentioned a family member of helen's first mentioned in doom coalition being relevant to this story, i wasn't expecting it to be the grandmother she mentioned in "ship in a bottle". however it was actually really nice to have helen's relationship with her developed further, and it was woven into the story well i thought

being Normal about the scene between liv and helen at the fireside. i am being so normal about it

"i'm not sure i could do this with anyone else, you know? everything from exploring strange new worlds... to talking about my family." i'm fine. i'm fine!!!

[putting on my clown shoes] this is how liv/helen can still be canon in some form before helen inevitably dies! :))

i love how vivid this story felt to me. i always end up getting visuals in my head as i listen with any audio drama but some stories end up, for storytelling or sound design reasons, or both, creating really clear and vivid pictures in my mind and this was definitely one of those

i hope to god that when i visit home over the summer and listen to these with my mum (who loves these audios but refuses to listen to them without me, which is kind of sweet of her), my dad is not in the same room. i love him but he absolutely would be asking me to pause it every few minutes so he could identify the bird calls and then also getting really frustrated when i inevitably end up being unable to guess any of them correctly myself lol. the pains of being related to an ornithologist

big fan of the way things got increasingly more disturbing towards the end. i do think the eight-liv-helen era has been lacking in terms of properly creepy stories (this is just my personal taste tbf), so it was cool having them properly lean into that for once. i have to say though the mental image of the scout's body with all the roots forcing their way into her eyes is not going to be leaving me for a long time

also thought the sound design was really well done on this one!! you could really feel the discomfort of the silence i think

got slightly choked up at helen and liv singing to bex as she died. i might have just been in a weird mood while i was listening to it but. yeah. it did something to me

anyway had a lot of fun with this episode! it had a lot of elements that appealed to me personally, and the character work it did was nice. i look forward to listening to it again one day :)

lost hearts

m.r. james episode!! i've only ever read two of his stories (both of which are products of me knowing this episode was coming haha), but was quite excited for this one regardless because a) ghost stories! and b) he's actually got connections to a village in the area i grew up in, and as i've never actually seen/heard any stories set where i come from in my life, it was neat to have a story in my favourite show, featuring some of my favourite characters, star someone more or less from where i'm from :')

have to say though i am disappointed to have lost the unofficial "will they namedrop great livermere" bet i had going on with my mum and brother. it's such a middle-of-nowhere village (it's not on the way to anywhere, has 3 streets (one of which is named "the street" and another of which is actually a dirt track), and you invariably see more chickens there than actual people), it would have been deeply amusing to me for it to have canonically existed in the dwu

loved all the direct (and indirect) callbacks to "the red lady" in this story! it felt fitting seeing as on some levels they do share certain elements in terms of plot/setting, and was also just fun for me as that is one of my favourite stories :)

was also a big fan of how active the story felt (not sure if that's quite the right word?) - each of the characters had a clear role to play and all the main cast got something to do, it never felt hugely like any of them were being sidelined, which does happen on occasion with 3+ person tardis teams

if helen had punched someone at some point in this story i honestly wouldn't have blamed her

"he's like the museum of cairo, stuffed inside a... well, a-" "a rude, ungracious little twerp?" oh my god askdfjdsfjkds

(let her swear!!!)

i like how the story was riffing off some of the plot/vibes of m.r. james' actual short story "lost hearts" (helpfully one of the two i've read)! it gave it that nice kind of connection, without feeling overly derivative and like it was straight-out copying it

my only main issue with this episode was that robert felt kinda underdeveloped. they started off well in his opening scene with liv, but i don't think we got enough of a chance to get to know him as a person after that point and i think the story suffered for it a little. i don't think it helped either that he's not a family member helen had ever mentioned prior to this episode, so they were essentially having to start from scratch and with everything else going on in the narrative, didn't quite find the time to give him sufficient detail

loved the emotional moments that were brought out when helen got erased... "helen, she's my- she's everything i have left" ough

and the salzburg parallels?? liv attempting to fly the tardis in a desperate attempt to rescue her friends, much like helen did? this is so... it's a lot

i won't lie, it did feel a bit odd to me that they would go to such lengths to avoid actually naming the uni in this episode as cambridge. i suppose it may have been to avoid spoiling the "it's m.r. james!!!" reveal at the end, but given that i think anyone who would have guessed it was him from the setting being cambridge probably would have guessed it anyway beforehand either from the episode blurb or the fact that the episode literally starts with him reciting one of his most famous short stories, it feels a little pointless. i mean i clocked it as an m.r. james episode when the set was announced and i had never read any of his work at that point lmao. not a glaring issue or anything, but felt like a weird choice

anyway loved helen getting to geek out a bit at the end... i love her :')

i think i'm going to have to relisten to this at some point so i can fully get my head around it but i did enjoy it!

slow beasts

this was a solid ep. not my favourite story this tardis team has ever had, but i did absolutely enjoy listening to it, and thought there were a lot of really good ideas in it!

the colonialism plotline especially worked really well for me, it felt pertinent in just the right sort of way. it's not necessarily something new for dr who, but i think it was definitely a good example of how to do it well.

i think "simple, but effective" is the way i'd sum this one up tbh. not exceptional, but it knew what it was setting out to do, did it, and did it well, and i think that worked. it did admittedly feel a bit strange after two more complex/experimental sort of stories, but i don't think that's any reflection on its actual quality

"here is the psychic paper. be confident. it only works if you're confident." "but... i- i'm not confident?" me if i got asked to use the psychic paper tbh

enjoyed the use of the translation circuit in this one :) i have a lot of thoughts on it as a general thing so i always like seeing the ways it gets utilized in different stories

so! had fun with these! a couple of things that maybe could have gone better, but overall a set of three stories i had good fun with and i suspect will enjoy listening to again. fingers crossed the december boxset is with these guys again and they do a bit more with helen's emotional plotlines next time :)

[fauxridium]

What is exactly is the deal with pretty-boy-thamaturge? I know you reblogged a post about them and even though I'm not into that fandom that is, I checked to block anyway and they have you on a post that says ask to follow if you support him. They also made a post about a transmed stalking them, but I don't for sure know if they're referring to you, but I've been following you since you drew Zelda stuff and well, you definitely do not seem like one. Mainly I'm just concerned about their deal wit

The basic low down is that they're a self admitted conservative, pro cop, and are transphobic (even if they id as trans now, they still back up and support transphobic ideologies) so like. In general just not a good person with their world views lmao

I am Definitely not a transmed, if they were talking about me i have no idea where they would even get that from, i literally have transmed under my dni criteria in my carrd so. Lol, im also a very high fem non op trans man myself so me being transmed literally makes 0 sense fjskv

But to summerize my Personal issues with this person as best and as short as possible. I have osdd with a system member that kins faux and is not comfortable with doubles (they can cause very bad episodes of unreality that can become potentially dangerous for the body), they have did with a system member that kins faux and is not comfortable with doubles (for similar reasons as far as im aware), they joined a brc server im in (a public fandom server, not meant for kinnie stuff, mind you), and put in their intro like. Literally me no doubles or smth along those lines and listed faux, so I, in good faith, messaged them to let them know that i also kin faux and am not comfortable with doubles and would like to work something out so we could both be in the server and still be comfortable, they didnt take it well, ended up leaving the server (or being removed, still not sure what happened there because they were causing issues in the server Anyways), and then they proceeded to just be? Very weird fjeg, they had me blocked certain places, but didnt have me blocked on others, and would still try to interact with me as if we were chill. For some reason even tho i apparently trigger them (which. Idk if someone triggered me by just simply existing i wouldnt try talking to them DJDG), i ended up blocking them on everything once i was told about the kind of transphobic shit they were retweeting and them being a cop boot licker, and honestly. If anyone was doing any stalking it was them, because atp i simply forgot about it and redid my carrd to what it is now, and literally within a handful of hours of me doing it, like within the same night, i was told and shown that they redid their entire carrd to look basically exactly the same as mine, and even stole the icon i edited myself specifically for My carrd, the one im using as my icon rn, but they used the same bg and shit and while like. Everything else there could be plausible deniability on why it was the same. The fact that they took the icon i made myself just made it obvious they took everything from my carrd, they have since changed it a bit to look at least. A bit different, but are still using my icon lmao, so again, if anyone was the stalker in this situation it was def them because how would they see i changed my carrd That quickly after i had already blocked them and then. Choose to basically copy it if they werent checking my shit like. Is that not stalkerish behaviour DJSKG

Theres some other shit with them pretending to be a 3rd party to defend themselves in my bfs inbox but they ended up forgetting to hit anon on a follow up message they sent which basically just. Outed them for lying about being a third party who "doesnt know them very well but had to get on a call with them to calm them down" which like. Lol okay, mostly that's just cringe but also goes to show that they're not a trust worthy person who lies to try to defend themselves lmao

My main issues with them anyways isnt really with the personal shit, i dont like them for it sure, but i think the fact that they're trying to hide being conservative on tumblr while making it obvious on twitter by once again, interacting and retweeting from notoriously bigoted people and accounts is honestly deplorable, especially in a fandom that has a lot of trans people in it who def Would Not interact or associate with them if they knew the type of shit they were rting and posting on twitter. Hell they even admitted to being conservative themself in the replies of one of my posts, like. Idk PERSONALLY i just dont think we should allow for bigots in fandom spaces that are, again, full of many trans people. Also being pro cop but being into a game that is Very Anti Cop. Like how did you miss the point that bad lmfao

BASICALLY TLDR they are not a good or trust worthy person and anyone who is trans or anti cop or really have any morals at all should stay far far away from them lmao

EDIT: WAS JUST INFORMED THEY COPIED MY N$F￦ TWITTER HANDLE TOO. @ THIS PERSON IF YOU SEE THIS POST LEAVE ME ALONE FOR GODS SAKE FJSKGSGD

[anantaru]

saying this as someone who also writes for fun/someone who just dumps the sudden thoughts i get onto a draft and either decide to post it or not based on my mood, just why?

like, i genuinely don't get it.

if you don't like someone's writing style or if it bothers you, just don't read it? no one forcing you to consume content that bothers you. only you choose what you consume.

and, as you said, god forbid if someone has a first language that is not english. 'are you even living on this planet?'

as an asian, this especially pisses me off.

united states, uk and whatever other english speaking countries are not the only places in the world. there's hundreds of languages around the world. if you're that great, i'd like to see you learn an entirely different language that you haven't grown up around and write paragraphs upon paragraphs without making mistakes.

sorry, i never really rant this much or get this particularly mad, but that post just pissed me off to no extent.

and, i absolutely adore your work. i can even recognise it without looking at the author's name if i'm going through random fics on tumblr or ao3 without actually paying any attention. keep enjoying what you do, that really does show up in your works ❤️

(i kind of realize my post is almost as big as that persons and i'm sorry lol, i didn't realise how much i kept writing while ranting what was in my head.)

hello love 👼🏼 first of all, don't apologize for ranting i don't mind at all, especially when i completely agree with you 💓 i think some people tend to forget just how many languages there are on this planet, for example "europe" isn't just europe and i always need to giggle whenever someone says "im visiting europe" and you ask them, "where in europe?" and they reply with, "just europe🧍🏻‍♀️" like bro WHAT COUNTRY THERES SO MANY and almost all of them have another language like, there's just so much and as someone who speaks a bunch of languages it can happen for me to just lack a little in grammar here in there, but i do read a lot and i do try and study frequently to keep myself fluent in every language i know.

the way they typed this ask out was just very tone deaf and rude, it gave me the impression that they never really thought about the fact that english is not the focus in many many places all around the world, even though it is the "world" language it is not talked frequently in various places, which is just ??? the way it is 🧍🏻‍♀️ so i totally get you on that, i completely understand and i hope you feel a little bit better after typing this out since in my opinion, writing down your thoughts like that truly helps 💓

also thank you so much, you're so kind and i'm so happy you like my writing 💓 i appreciate this so much and i cannot stop smiling rn, thank you for being here on my blog <3

[eoinmcgonigal]

if you want some idea of the irl shit rn

my appeal to the funding decision was rejected (the scottish student funding shitfuckers fucked up my disabled student allowance, which forced me to drop down to part time, and now they've withdrawn all the course funding because they won't fund anything part time in england, at all, ever, no matter if it's on them that i'm in this situation or the course isn't avaialbe in scotland - and to say nothing of the fact that a lot of disabled people cannot attend scottish universities due to accessibility issues)

i've been left to somehow pay a ~£4,500 fee. I will not be able to finish my masters because there's no way I'll be able to find £4,500 for next year as well

if i drop out now then i'll also be liable for the DSA stuff which they finally have started sorting out (i applied in august, support should have been in place in september/october)

july/august: applied for funding for full time august: finally got DSA application sorted (had to rely on uni, who kinda messed up a bit but did send it/sort it) end of november, still no DSA support in place because SAAS fucked up: had to drop down to part time just to stay on the course december: SAAS told me they were withdrawing the loan (but said nothing about the tuition fee) end of december: DSA 'approved' but nothing happened (turns out they fucked up again and had some sort of block on my account, so I couldn't receive anything) january: overdue payment with uni so talking to them, the guy looks at his spreadsheet and tells me the tuition cost has been revoked by SAAS so it's actually a miracle i found out at all, i put in an appeal to SAAS late january: finally got the money for the DSA items, but i won't get the stuff for who knows how long late january: the reply to my appeal is basically 'we fucked up but we're hiding that in huge paragraphs of narative shit, and also fuck you we don't fund these things for any reason ever'

I started a full time masters with no fucking stupport in place. The whole time I've been spending every last shred of energy I have trying to chase all that shit up and stay afloat. It has not worked.

I got a fuckin fist class honours degree for my undergrad. I CAN DO THIS. This is the ONLY thing I can do ffs. I'm physically trapped in a shitty house with shitty people who neglect me and abuse me and I have nothing else I can do, or to work towards, or look forward to, or fucking live for tbh. My mind doesn't function 'normally'. I can't even look after myself, but I can do academic stuff and I can write.

But no. Scotland does not believe in supporting and funding students to do well academically.

I've escalated the appeal. I know it will be rejected again, and then I face the ordeal of taking it to the ombundsman. In the meantime, what I owe the university grows, and my will to live just... disappears.

I've rarely been so unhappy, I just want to do well at studying but instead I'm having to fight for every fuckign breath with these cunts. It's inhumane, actually. It's evil. I should not be penalised for their fucking mess. No disabled or disadvantaged person should ever have to endure this, or be excluded from further education because of circumstances outwith their control (i.e. if someone can only manage part time because of a disability, they should have the right to education just the same as a fully abled person, and you bet your ass a lot of people who are also disadvantaged will be minorities who can only afford part time)

The SAAS discriminate. There are no two ways about it.