#especially when you’re having debates like THIS

[kiirotoao]

HEYYYY HANA! It's me olive/livy/ hey you/ that one person that always joins your lives I had a recent interaction with a more toxic mileven shipper but they said something that really did make me think so I want your thoughts in their words they said "mileven has been cannon for 8 years now why would they end it all at once" they had said this in the middle of a debate and it really got my thinking like would the duffers really end a relationship that has been built on for 8 years for byler? Plz lemme know what you think

OMG HI YOU 🤭 I’d be delighted to give my two cents, thanks for coming to me, Olive!!

Ah, yes. The age old argument of ‘why would the Duffers break up Mleven after building them up all this time?’ To which I say - what build up does one truly speak of? Yes, they’ve been canon romantic from season 1 since that kiss, technically, but their relationship only became truly canon since season 3. And yes, the show has been in production for about 8 years, but the show spans only about 3 years (1983-1986). Even then, to say that Mleven has been canon for that long just isn’t true. In total, they’ve only spent about 6 months together physically in canon (the fall, spring, and, summer of 1985 just before season 3 starts), and 6 months together long-distance (the summer, fall, and spring of 1986).

Point is, they’ve not been together as long as it seems. They’ve expressed interest from the start, but even then, on El’s side, it’s pretty debatable to me.

Take this scene where El literally asks Mike, “will you be like my brother?” I think I can just leave that there as it is.

Now, I do understand the notion that they’ve been in writing for 8 years. But guess who else have been? Mike and Will. Their relationship is just as if not more important to each other’s growths as characters, especially in season 4.

If you’re looking for canon relationships, look no further than Mike and Will’s friendship. If you need to see clear pictures of encouragement, understanding, and amendment, look no further than everything they’ve done for each other over the years.

All in all, I believe that just because you aren’t directly in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean that the current chemistry is void and only counts when you do get together.

Byler have chemistry, that’s why I think that they could easily get together. And by contrast, Mleven don’t. Throughout the seasons that Mike and El have been together, it’s been a struggle for them to connect. Whenever they do, it’s shallow. Take the reunion in season 4 - El is lying to Mike about being friends with Angela, and Mike is lying to El through his split focus on Will (when he complains about Will “rolling [his] eyes,” “moping,” “basically [sabotaging] the whole day”).

Mike is clearly affectionate to El, but he consistently dotes on her looks and never her character beyond her powers. El is clearly affectionate to Mike, too, but it’s clear to me that any time she reaches out to Mike, wrote to him, tried to talk to him in the void, anything, he just couldn’t seem to reach her in return.

Meanwhile, we have Byler promising to go “crazy together.” They sit and listen to each other. Meeting Will is “the best thing that [Mike has] ever done.” Mike thereafter in that scene talks about Will’s persistence. And we know that Will thinks of Mike as a leader, “guiding, inspiring.” Not only are they affectionate to each other, they’re comfortable expressing themselves around each other, highlighting each other’s positive traits, encouraging, supporting, connecting.

Need some people be reminded that filmwork is essential to TV, and so canonically Mike and Will also have many moments together. It’s not like their relationship isn’t known to us in canon (let alone blocked very specifically, too!).

So yeah, to that statement of “Mleven has been canon for 8 years now” so “why would they end it all at once” I say: it’s only been two years maximum in canon, and they’ve been founded on a deteriorating relationship with another much stronger one right in our faces, so no, yeah, Byler is very possible and wouldn’t be sudden in the slightest.

[lxmelle]

Overthinking as usual and I’m just going to blab a bit about the “preciousness” of life in JJK.

I think the JJK world is quite heavily influenced by Buddhist principles and beliefs. I could be wrong though; hence me writing this as I try to figure out my thoughts. It is my understanding that in Buddhism, every living creature’s life is precious. Life, birth, death are of importance.

Since there is a belief in reincarnation, every creature’s life is to be treasured as much as possible. From a compassionate point of view, every creature’s life is important to itself. As a human being with higher awareness (for, and of, others), we have a responsibility to care for them and protect. According to the belief over karma / the karmic cycle, this lends itself to a good life, and subsequent death and potentially the rebirth in the next life / realm. (This also explains the emphasis of a good death in JJK).

And from a reincarnation point of view, any animal could have been one’s parent through the infinite lives a soul can reincarnate in the karmic cycle. Thus killing an animal is considered cruel when one has this awareness of the preciousness of life and the soul. This is why many devout Buddhists observe vegetarianism...

In JJK, there is a rule that their powers must never be used to harm humans, which was exploited to use Toji to assassinate Riko to prevent Tengen from renewing its form. This rule was historically instated by Tengen themselves, who travelled to spread their beliefs (if I am not mistaken).

Now of course we understand as humans in this world, the importance of the survival of our race and we know the unspoken rules about morality, compassion, etc.

But going back to if “every life is precious” … I kinda wonder, why is sacrificing crows OK as a means to an end (Mei Mei) and sacrificing humans not OK?

Geto viewed those unable to evolve as the source of cursed spirits. He was willing and open to exterminating the entire human race in order to protect a few.

Gojo (and others I guess?) viewed some sacrifice as “acceptable” as a means to an end, or towards a better good/outcome. This includes sorcerers and students (sorry, but this is true).

I think to answer my own question: This becomes a debate about intentionality. And moral greyness. In our world, necessary sacrifice appears in various forms. We accept (sometimes with understandable difficulty) the fact that we simply can’t save everybody (humans, and any creature of our selection: e.g. dogs/cats but not a vermin). We are also OK with exterminating some creatures, especially if there is what we can rationalise as a just cause. We are selective. It depends on our worldview and what we cherish.

I see how this is what Gege wishes to do when he portrays different characters with different principles and intentions. They’re all debatable and their perspectives are valid (to themselves) but also questionable.

Mei Mei’s characterisation has been interesting where she can be pitted against those who are more righteous, say, like Nanami. Her morals have been depicted as sketchy anyway, as she is driven by the material, personal safety over that of other people, and her relationship with her brother is odd at best. She is one who is likely 100% OK with others (like the lives of infinite crows) being sacrificed for her personal interests.

Others in the recent chapters don’t seem to give much of a thought to the lives of humans, in fact the focus is again on their existences as sorcerers and humans are lowered to the level of “necessary sacrifice” (like ants or animals) towards the merger, for example. I guess this depicts the Heian brutality / worldview.

Tengen themselves were willing to sacrifice a person to ensure they could remain immortal and continue to manage the barriers in Japan. Again, is this what one can view as a necessary sacrifice? It probably highly depends on which character you’re asking. Yuki would say no, and Riko didn’t want to in the end either. Megumi didn’t want Yuji to die, but Yuji wanted to be the necessary sacrifice.

I don’t know where I’m going with this, but I just thought it was interesting.

I feel like my small brain is missing something though. Thoughts?

Anyone who studied philosophy and ethics care to enlighten me / share their views?

[deadgirlwalking91]

new #guitarspear one-shot in collab with @branded-rose 'drunk minds speak sober thoughts' 🎸 🗡️

Summary

Adam’s eyes widened as they darted back to the bar. Sure enough, the mystery exorcist that Vaggie had been talking to was now fully facing the stage, eyes frantically peering through the crowd and - oh, holy shit.

Lute held in her hand the universal vessel of a good time: a red, plastic party cup.

“No fucking way,” he muttered, grinning maniacally.

Lute didn’t drink. At least, not outside the comfort of her own home to the best of his knowledge. Now, this he had to see.

~~~

At the post-Extermination Day party, Lute decides she's had enough of watching Adam get drunk and make a fool of himself year after year while she watches on, sober as a judge. She decides it's her turn to have a little fun of her own, but soon realises that her drunken antics come with their own set of consequences that can't be ignored. OR;

Lute gets drunk, Adam tries to be responsible and all Vaggie wants to do is be a good friend.

Author's Notes

Diiiiiiiid somebody say collab??? Because when branded-rose and I connected over our mutual love for Adam and Lute, we sure as hell did!

We had plans to write a 'short' one-shot, which ended up kiiiiiinda escalating... big time. And we couldn't be more excited to share it with you all! Speaking of sharing, branded-rose created some beautiful art to accompany our story, which can be found here. Before you scroll down, CLICK THAT LINK and give her ALL the love for her work! Also, Lute looks SO pretty!

Only warning is that this is long (18,000+ words), and we haven't split it up purely because it was only ever meant to be a one-shot and we want to keep it that way.

To my wonderful co-author: writing this with you has been the MOST FUN. Internet friends freaking RULE. Thank you <3

So buckle up, buttercups and enjoy! ***

The music was loud. The people around her were loud. Everything was LOUD. 

Lute could almost hear herself think. Almost. 

Then again, she was never really big on the Victory concerts.

The last thing she wanted to do after an extermination was watch Adam and the other girls get drunk and toss themselves at each other. Toss themselves at him.

Normally, she’d have no issue competing with the other girls. However, she wouldn’t when they were drunk out of their minds. That was no competition. 

Every year, they went through this. Every year, she reluctantly took part and never drank anything. 

Why would she? There was no point.

Well, usually, there was no point. Today though? She was starting to have second thoughts. Especially as she caught their boss flirting with several of the exorcists on the stage.

Like he did every year. 

“You actually gonna drink?” Vaggie walked up, nodding to the plastic cup in her sworn sister’s hand.

Lute puffed her cheeks, drumming her fingers against the cup in question.

“Just… wine.” She glanced down at the liquid, her already furrowed brows dropping lower. 

Vaggie eyed the red cup skeptically. “You, uh… you’re sure?”

Lute shot Vaggie a look, bringing the cup to her lips and taking a large sip to prove a point.

She held the liquid in her mouth for a second, debating if she wanted to actually swallow before stubbornness won out.

It was just one glass of wine.

Vaggie raised a brow, unconvinced. Sure, it wasn’t unlike Lute to have a glass here and there in the comfort of her own home. But this wasn’t her own home. This was a loud party. 

One their maniac of a boss was throwing.

Normally, Lute would stand in a corner and glare at anyone and EVERYONE before she ushered their idiot commander home for the night.

Not something she would personally do herself but who was she to judge?

“You’re sure?” Vaggie sighed and took a sip from her own cup, turning to face the party.

Lute’s eyes scanned the crowd, her jaw clenching as she realized she’d lost sight of Adam.

He was probably off doing body shots again. Great.

She knocked the rest of her drink back, something that very clearly caught Vaggie off guard.

Lute ignored the wide-eyed expression her sworn sister shot her, turning back to the bar and getting herself more wine.

“Ooookay- this isn’t… typical of you.” Vaggie moved to stand next to her, concern growing.

Lute ignored her again.

“Especially not after an ex-” She cut herself off when Lute once more knocked the drink back, downing the wine in the plastic cup like it was a shot glass.

“-termination…” Vaggie had no words.

She continued to stare at her comrade with a mixture of concern and pure horror as she watched her slam yet another glass of wine after that.

If it was ANYONE else she might not have cared. Because this was Lute? She had to have some level of concern.

It wasn’t as if the lieutenant was… the most easy going of exorcists. She had VERY strict standards that she held herself to.

And she was also borderline INSANE.

Lute had downed a solid five drinks by that point, quickly and without mercy.

Her cheeks started to flush gold, the flashing lights and pounding music not nearly as intrusive as they had been moments ago.

She very briefly caught sight of Adam near the stage as she turned around, having a great time with Layla. 

That bitch.

She grit her teeth, suddenly remembering why it was exactly she had felt compelled to drink in the first place.

Turning back to the bar, she requested something harder, much to Vaggie’s surprise.

Adam fucking loved the annual Victory concert. 

 The babes. The booze. The beats. It didn’t matter which direction he looked, he was surrounded by the result of another successful Extermination Day. 



He’d managed a new personal best this year, too. Four hundred and eleven. 



Four hundred and eleven bottles of hard liquor that were expertly raided from the degenerate entertainment venues of Hell by his specialist task-force of exorcists. 



Personally assigned by the first man himself, their sole job during the last hour of Extermination Day was to storm the copious bars and clubs that lurked in the shadiest districts of the Pride Ring and confiscate the alcohol that lined the top shelves of such fine establishments. 



Adam’s definition of confiscate, however, was to transport the goods back up to Heaven for their yearly balls-to-the-wall bender where everyone would trade in their usual wine for the hard stuff they could only get their hands on at the post-extermination rager.

Wine glasses were a rare sight at the event, the partygoers opting instead for red party cups or plastic shot glasses, filled with whatever they’d managed to pilfer from Hell that year. Adam’s drink of choice were body shots - the type of liquor unimportant - off whichever exorcist volunteered to be his own personal bar counter.

The best part? Everybody was one hundred and ten percent down with the party. Inhibitions, dignity and modesty were left at the door by all before entering, almost like they were being checked into some sort of moral cloakroom.

Once the celebrations eventually wrapped up the deviant revelers would emerge, spend the following days nursing wicked hangovers and then return to their usual heavenly selves, ready to repeat it all the next year.

Well, almost everybody did, anyway. Everybody except Lute.

Adam peered out into the crowd, squinting through the bright lights as he tried to locate his lieutenant. She wasn’t leaning against the back wall, arms crossed, scowling at everybody else dabbling in their one night of debauchery. She certainly wasn’t on the dance floor - the current song playing was an apparently popular R&B tune from Earth where the only appropriate dance move was to grind rhythmically against another person’s hips.

Lute did not grind.

At least, not to his knowledge.

His eyes flickered over to the bar, where Vaggie was standing next to another exorcist who’s side profile he couldn’t quite make out - though whoever it was, they were taking a damn long time to drink from their cup. He could have smashed three shots by now. 

Speaking of…

He flagged down Layla, one of his favorite angels to party with post-extermination. A brunette mega-babe, she made everybody’s heads turn whenever she strolled down the promenade. 

She flashed him a million-dollar smile and sashayed her way over. 

They had an annual tradition that was yet to be honored this year, something they’d dubbed the ‘Victory Shot’.

Layla loved body shots almost as much as Adam did. Possibly more. Sometimes she did them off the other exorcists, other times she was the body. Rarely was she a spectator.

Layla was the epitome of a good time.

“The usual, sir?” She grinned, expertly balancing a clear shot, salt shaker and lime wedge in one hand, other resting on her cocked hip . He returned the smile, placing a hand on her waist as he leant in to answer her.

“You know it, sugartits.” 

Layla’s laugh rang in his ears as she nestled the shot glass between her cleavage, sprinkled salt over the top of one of her tits and balanced the lime wedge on the other.

“Here’s to another killer year!” she cheered, shaking her hair off her shoulders and sticking her chest out in Adam’s direction. 

“Fuck yeah, babe!” Adam tightened his grip around her waist and licked the salt clean off her skin. Wasting no time, he wrapped his mouth around the rim of the glass and lifted it out from between her breasts, tilting his head back so the liquid slid down his throat in one smooth motion. He removed the glass from his lips and promptly replaced it with the lime wedge, sucking hard until no more juice remained and the burn from his throat eased. Layla held her hand out for a high-five, which he returned eagerly.

“Ahh, good shit. Thanks babe.” He crooked an elbow around her neck and pressed a brief kiss to the side of her head affectionately before strolling towards the wings of the stage, remembering what he was doing before he got distracted.

“Hey, you haven’t seen Lute around have you? Or has she bitched out already?” he yelled back to Layla over the pounding music.
She laughed again and pointed to where Adam had seen Vaggie standing moments earlier.

“Check the bar, she’s in for a good night I think.” 

Adam’s eyes widened as they darted back to the bar. Sure enough, the mystery exorcist that Vaggie had been talking to was now fully facing the stage, eyes frantically peering through the crowd and - oh, holy shit. Layla wasn’t kidding.

Lute held in her hand the universal vessel of a good time: a red, plastic party cup.

“No fucking way,” he muttered, grinning maniacally.

Lute didn’t drink. At least, not outside the comfort of her own home to the best of his knowledge. Now, this he had to see.

“I… don’t know if this is-“ Vaggie began, attempting to dissuade her sworn sister from making a big mistake. 

Lute waved her hand in front of the other’s face, cutting her off as she raised the cup to her lips.

“How I choose to party shouldn’t be your fucking problem.” She hissed, raising the drink to her lips and attempting to knock it back.

She could not knock it back, instead spitting it out onto the floor in front of her.

“The fuck! That tastes like paint stripper!!!!”

“Diiiiiiiiiid somebody say stripper?” Adam grinned, leaning sloppily against the bar counter.

“What are you doing to my lieutenant, Vagasaurous? If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times, if you’re gonna corrupt her with your pussy-loving powers, call me-“

“Oh, go fuck a cheese grater, would you?” Vaggie rolled her eyes and leaned towards Lute so Adam couldn’t hear. “Need me to stick around? He seems like he’ll be especially painful tonight.”

“I heard that!” Adam protested, leaning over to check the contents of Lute’s cup. “What are you drinking, Dangertits? Not water again?” He plucked it out of her hand and took a sip.

Ooooh. That burned. And not the good kind of burn. Whoever swiped that from one of Hell’s bars missed the memo where he specified top shelf booze only. They’d be running laps on Monday as punishment once he found the exorcist responsible for bringing petrol back up to Heaven.

“Nope. Can confirm that’s not water.” He shuddered and set the cup on the bar.

“Finally having a drink, Lute? Rude of you not to ask me to pop your cherry."

Lute narrowed her eyes at him. “Sir, we have had a drink together before.”

“Not like this, Lutey!” He threw his arms around both girls’ shoulders and squeezed them tightly.

“This is gonna be legend-fucking-dary!”

Lute froze, her arms pinned firmly to her sides.

“Ugh, gross. Nope. Not happening.” Vaggie twisted out of his grip, spilling most of her drink on herself in the process.

“Oh, chillax, Vag. Look, I’ll pour you both a drink, here.” Adam released Lute from his death grip, who’s face had turned the exact same shade of gold as the stage lights. He vaulted the bar counter, stumbling slightly upon his landing.

The bartender gave him a filthy look. Adam didn’t care. It wasn’t like the bartender had organized the booze. He leered at them until they skulked off to serve another exorcist.

“Right - what have we got here that’s virgin-friendly?” He eyed a half-full bottle of vodka. Perfect.

Not too hard for a baby drinker like Lute, but enough to help her relax. Loosen her up a bit. Maybe even enough for a cheeky dance later, if he was lucky.

Vaggie turned away from Adam and the bar, once more attempting to offer Lute an out. She suspected though, the lieutenant wasn’t going to take it.

“You can still back out and call it a night. No one is gonna think any less of you if you bail early.”

Lute scoffed at the notion that she’d need to back out. She shot Vaggie a look.

“You’re overreacting.” She went to raise her abandoned cup to her mouth, only to think better of it when she remembered the taste, and the fact that Adam had drank from it.

Vaggie’s eyebrow twitched.

”I’m overreacting? Lute, you’ve just knocked back five glasses of wine in under ten minutes and now our sleazy boss is here to keep you company. REAAAALLY don’t think I’m overreacting here.”

“Well you are.” Lute slammed her hand down on the counter.

Vaggie eyed the hand Lute had slammed on the counter, sighing exasperated. She pinched the bridge of her nose, weighing out whether or not this whole argument was worth her life.

On one hand, she hated the thought of just leaving Lute in the gross incapable wandering hands of their boss.

On the other… She didn’t feel like it was necessarily worth it lingering either. Especially when Lute was the first person to kiss up to said gross incapable boss.

Didn’t mean she deserved to get taken advantage of. Or WORSE. She’d get drunk and start punching people. 


Then all the exorcists would be put through it Monday morning.

“Fine, you wanna drink yourself silly for whatever reason? Do it. But you know where to find me if you need me.” Vaggie turned away from the bar, making her way out into the crowd to try and enjoy herself as best she could the remainder of the night.

Lute hissed as she watched Vaggie go, her eyes narrowing. 

How DARE her. The audacity.

She could have a good time! She could cut loose! …If she wanted to.

She yelped, startled at a loud thud on the counter behind her. She whirled around, saluting and standing at attention quickly when her eyes glimpsed Adam’s robes.

“SIR!”

“Geez, at ease, Lute!” Adam laughed, sliding a new red cup towards her.

“What’s this I hear about you slamming back ten glasses of wine in less than ten minutes? What’s happened to Sergeant Sober?”

Lute lowered her hand and, ignoring Adam’s question, grabbed the cup and inspected the liquid inside. It was clear and bubbly, with a thin slice of lime floating on top of the ice.

“What’s this?”

“Vodka, soda and lime. Not something I’d drink myself, but considering you don-“ Adam’s eyes widened as she lifted the cup to her lips and began drinking.

And she didn’t stop until she’d downed the whole damn thing.

“More.”

Adam ran his hand through his hair. Fuck. She was really doing this. Then again, it was Lute. She was a go hard or go home kind of gal. Scratch that - she was just the type to go hard.

There was no going home with her.

Unless…

There was a part of him that wanted her to let loose. The selfish part of him wanted Lute to drink herself silly with him, keep up with him drink-for-drink, get on the dance floor and grind until…

“I said more, Sir.”

Adam shook his head and tossed all thoughts of grinding with Lute aside as she threw her empty cup at him.

“Shit, alright, calm down. Hey - where did Vaggie go?”

Lute’s head whipped around towards the crowd. While she wasn’t looking, Adam quickly refilled her cup with water and plonked it in front of her. She turned back and without looking, gulped down the drink.

She was lost in her thoughts, visibly perturbed at Adam’s inquiries to where Vaggie went.

Why did he care if Vaggie was there anyway? Probably so he could fucking goad them into making out or something. As if they were that close anymore anyway- 

She paused, pulling the cup away from her lips and looking at it, then looking at Adam incredulously.

It was distinctly not the same drink he’d offered her before. It was watered down. 

Wait. It was water.

“Sir. This isn’t what you gave me last time.”

Adam raised his brows, scratching the stubble on his jaw as he tried to play dumb.

“What? It’s not?” He grabbed the cup from her, pretending to investigate the contents.

“SURE it is! You questioning my judgment?”

Lute blinked as he handed the cup back. “I would never-“

“GREAT!” Adam launched himself back over the bar, arm wrapping around his lieutenant’s shoulders as he looked out on the party.

Lute felt her face heat up once again. Although, she was BLAMING the alcohol. Yes! It was the alcohol’s fault. Not… proximity.

She cleared her throat, the hint of a small smile touching the corners of her mouth.

“Look at what we did, Lute.” Adam squeezed Lute’s shoulders and planted a kiss on the top of her head, pride radiating through his body.

He gestured with his other hand to the crowd of dancing angels in front of him.

“Everyone is here having a kick-ass time because of what we’ve built. You and me. So, if you’re really serious about celebrating… then let’s get fucked up!” He let go of Lute’s shoulder and turned to the bartender, grinning.

“Two tequila shots, thanks.”

“Salt and lime?”

“Does a bear shit in the woods?” Adam looked over at his lieutenant, who had joined him at the bar and was tightly gripping the edge of the counter. “Lute, you all good?”

She looked at him, wide-eyed. “Of course. Why do you ask, Sir?”

“You look like you’re trying to flip the bar counter. Are you trying to start a riot?”

“Oh.” She looked down at her hands and let go. “I’m fine.”

Ah. There was some of that defiance he knew and loved.

“I’m an adult, I know what I’m doing.” She frowned and glared up at him.

Adam grinned down at her, accepting the shot glasses from the bartender. “There’s my girl. Anyway, you ever done one of these before?”

Lute shook her head. “No, Sir.”

“Alright, repeat after me. Lick,” He held the saltshaker up. 

“Shoot,” he pointed to the shot glass.

“And suck.” He lifted the small plate of lime wedges before setting it back down on the bar counter.

“Lick, shoot, suck.” Lute echoed, the faint smile returning to her face again, accompanied by a slight blush.

Shit, why did that make his head spin?. He was definitely feeling buzzed.

“Damn, Lutie-cutie, I love it when you talk dirty.” His remark was met with a quick jab in the ribs. “Ow! Alright, alright. You ready? Watch me first.” He grabbed her wrist and sprinkled salt over it.

Without warning, he licked the salt off her bare skin, threw back the shot and grabbed a lime wedge, popping it in his mouth.

“Uhh… Sir?” Lute looked down at her wrist, nose wrinkling in confusion.

“Oh yeah, you can’t go wrong with one of these. Your turn. I’ll even get the lime ready for you so you don’t have to worry.” Grabbing the salt shaker again, he shook it over his own wrist this time. He then handed Lute the shot and picked up the lime slice. Grinning, he held his wrist out to her. “Ready, babe?”

Lute’s eyes darted between the shot, Adam’s face, and the salt on his wrist. She was trying to make peace with the agreement she’d made. An understanding that she would need to lick salt off of his wrist was something she was finding incredibly hard to wrap her mind around.

There was a level of forbidden about the concept of her consuming anything off of her boss’ body. One that she couldn’t tell made it more enticing or more shameful.

Maybe both?

Even still… she wasn’t about to say no.

Lick, shoot, suck. Lick, shoot, suck. Lick, shoot suck.

That was all she needed to do. Three simple things.

The logistics of which were all getting scrambled in her mind. What was the order?

LICK. SHOOT. SUCK.

EASY.

Her heart pounded against her sternum, her body frozen for a half a second as she considered and reconsidered the ramifications of the actions she was about to take.

SCREW RAMIFICATIONS. Adam was watching her expectantly. Waiting expectantly.

She grabbed Adam’s hand and pulled it to her mouth just as she heard him start to ask a question. She licked up the salt, tossing Adam’s arm away as she whirled to grab the shot and knock it back.

Her eyes widened and she recoiled as the taste hit her, pushing away from the counter and the lime in Adam’s hand.

Fuck!

She held the liquid- no, poison- in her mouth for a half a second as she tried to consider whether or not to swallow or spit it out.

She was vaguely aware of Adam gesturing with his hands in her direction. Though, the obnoxious music muffled whatever he was exclaiming in the moment.

SHOOT THE LIME.

Lute forced herself to swallow, spinning around and nearly crashing into Adam. She frantically grabbed his other wrist, trying to wrestle the lime free of his grip.

“Shit - Lute - what are you doing?” Adam laughed, the smaller angel trying to pry each individual finger off the lime wedge in his hand. “Don’t fuck around with it, just shove it in your mouth!” He let go of the fruit and watched her desperately suck the wedge, her jaw working overtime to extract every last drop of juice from the lime.

He couldn’t deny it was kinda hot. 

He cocked an eyebrow at her. “Better?” She nodded and took the wedge from her lips, depositing it onto the plate Adam had taken it off. “Well,” he cleared his throat, starting to feel the effect of the shot he’d taken only minutes earlier. “That… did not go as I had expected.”

“Why?” Lute frowned. “Did I do something wrong? Should we do another one?” Her eyes darted frantically towards the bar.

“Yeah, that’s gonna be a giant nope from me, babe.” Adam shook his head fervently and stepped between Lute and the bar.

One tequila shot down and she was already trying to wrestle him. If she had another she might try and… Well. He wouldn’t mind that. Especially considering she’d finally ditched the chain mail that usually covered her neck and collarbone, leaving them temptingly bare.

“I could handle another one. You don’t think I could?” She put her hands on her hips and glared up at him.

“Lute, if there is anybody who I think could do it, it’s you. All I’m saying is, let’s take a break. We can have another one later.”

Lute said nothing.

“Luteyyyyy.” He teased, moving closer to her, not stopping until their bodies were virtually touching. 

“Come on.” He snaked an arm around her waist and bent down to whisper in her ear. He felt her body immediately tense, the heat rising in her cheeks practically radiating off her.

“If you take a break for a little while, you can come back and do another one later. Maybe if you’re lucky, I’ll let you do it off my chest.” He heard her breath hitch in her throat and without even looking at her he knew her face was several shades brighter than the sun itself.

He grinned to himself and gave her waist a little squeeze. She was stupidly cute when she got herself all flustered and being under the influence of alcohol just seemed to amplify it.

“Right, hold tight babe. After all these years, it’s finally happening. You and me, we’re hitting the dance floor!” In one swift motion, he hoisted her up over his shoulder and strode out to the packed crowd, Lute’s protests drowned out by the thumping music.

Lute propped herself up with her arms, doing her best to wriggle off of his shoulder as she was unwillingly carried to the dance floor.

Normally, she might’ve protested more. But the alcohol, admittedly, was beginning to get to her, if not entirely overwhelm her.

Her self-restraint was reasonably inhibited at the very least. At the most? She was pleasantly numb. And for once… that was nice? 

She didn’t have to worry about the stack of paperwork or what the seraphim might say if they heard about this party in the morning.

She could just… exist and do what she wanted.

In other words, she found herself giddy, a small giggle escaping her lips as she was carried on.

“Sir. I… can’t dance.” Or at least she’d never danced before to her knowledge. Never mind whatever… dancing was being done in that moment.

She felt the world spin as she felt Adam whip her off his shoulder, nearly stumbling backwards as she landed unsteadily on her feet. Adam caught her hand, pulling her back into him.

“What? That’s fucking ridiculous. ANYONE and their mother can dance if they want to.” He placed his other hand on her waist to steady her.

She felt her face heat up again, very aware of the close proximity of their bodies.

She didn’t pull back though.

“… I’ll follow you.”

Adam pulled a smirk, bringing his hand up to tap near her ear.

“Just listen to the music. Move with the beat!” He started sliding side to side, his movements getting gradually more overt the longer the song carried on.

She watched him, trying to copy, her brows furrowed in concentration. Every so often her eyes would flick to his face, looking for reassurance that she was doing it right.

She apparently was not, given he chuckled and shook his head. Or she assumed he chuckled at least. She could barely hear him over the music.

“Dangertits! You need to LOOSEN. UP. Here-“ He moved to stand behind her, his hands finding her hips and applying just enough pressure for her to get the hint that she needed to move.

She stiffened briefly as she felt his chin near her ear, his hot breath on her neck.

“Move WITH me, not against me. Come on you’re stiff as a board.” He moved his hand up the tiniest bit, cackling as her wings tried to flap involuntarily but were kept immobile by his proximity.

In her defense she wasn’t really listening to the music. She couldn’t really hear over the roaring of her heart in her ears.

Was she breathing? 

Air might be good.

She took a very loud, deep breath. 

“Sorry S-IR!” She was cut off as Adam took her hand and spun her very quickly, only to immediately snap her back towards him before she had any time to process what was going on.

“There we go! Get those feet going!”

A laugh erupted from Lute’s lips as she was spun around again.

“Sir!”

Adam snickered, his arms coming around to trap her against him as her momentum carried them close once more. 

His mouth found her ear so that she could hear him. 

“Did I just hear the most badass bitch in the army laugh? No blood? No guts? Just laugh on the dance floor?”

Lute felt his arms hold her firmly in place and without thinking she lifted her feet off the floor to test just how tight his hold was. Like a child might with their parent. 

It was something she would’ve NEVER tried if she was sober.

Then again… if she was sober there was no way in heaven OR hell she’d allow him to be this close to her in a public space.

She felt her face heat up again as his stubble grazed against her cheek, her heart rocketing away at the contact and pressure.

She realized she hadn’t answered his question, her toes tapping back on the floor as she shook her head.

“I can laugh at things that aren’t death!” She argued, another smaller giggle erupting as Adam all but tossed her away from him again.

“I’ve certainly never seen it before.” He argued, drawing her back into his chest, this time they were facing each other though.

Lute paused, her eyes wide as she looked up at her commanding officer.

She wasn’t breathing again. 

LUNGS WORK.

The look on Lute’s face as she gazed up at him was certainly something Adam had never seen before, either.

Really, there had been a lot of firsts during this year’s Victory concert: 

It was the first time Lute had gone without her armor that she never left home without.  

It was the first time Lute decided to drink at the annual party.   

It was the first time Lute danced.  

And, unless he was reading the situation horribly wrong, Adam was about ninety-nine percent certain that this would be the moment he’d kiss Lute for the first time. 

And it was all he could think about as he stared intensely back at her.

Even in the dimly lit room, he could see her usually bright eyes had melted into golden pools of honey, a depth to them that kept dragging him in. There was no escape, no chance of looking away, even if he wanted to.

She was all he could focus on.  

What else could he possibly think about, besides the way she was looking up at him? Wide-eyed, lips slightly parted, that ridiculously cute blush spreading across her cheeks again.

He was sure she’d stopped breathing by the way he’d felt her chest swell against his body as she inhaled, the exhale never coming as her breath hitched in her throat. Her body, usually so incredibly tense and rigid, was soft and relaxed as he held her tightly against his front. 

She was practically melting into him.  

Not that he could judge her in the slightest. He’d melt into himself too, if it were humanly possible.

Could she feel how clammy his hand was? Their fingers intertwined, his thumb now absentmindedly tracing small circles onto the back of her hand.



Did she feel like they were the only two angels in the room, too? Or was that the tequila talking?  

“Hey, Lute?” He murmured, leaning in closer, his forehead basically touching hers. He heard a barely audible gasp escape her lips, her chest pressing harder into his as she drew her breath in.

“Can I – ouch!”  

The moment was shattered as Lute’s forehead was suddenly knocked into his, the impact of the bump causing him to see stars.

He blinked once, twice, three times, trying to rid himself of the golden flecks dancing across his line of vision.  

Fucking hell, he had been so close! Whoever that little cockblocker was, he was going to tear them a new asshole as soon as he could see properly again.  

“Fucking watch where you’re dancing, bitch!”  

Or not. It seemed that Lute – sweet, blushing, breathless Lute was going to do it for him.


In a single instant Lute’s entire demeanor shifted. The jolt that had come from behind the catalyst to her rage.

She had been AT PEACE. She had been dare she say… happy? Relaxed even? It was as if no one else was with them, no one else mattered to Adam except her.

It felt like SHE was the center of someone’s world. And the elation that came with it was indescribable.

Which was exactly why the abrupt shift had been intense and irreparable.

She pulled away from Adam, whirling around to face the unlucky exorcist who had been stupid enough to bump into them.

Logic would dictate they were all drunk, it was a public place, they were bound to collide with others.

Lute did not have logic on her side anymore.

The tequila and wine had effectively told logic to take a hike. Which was… not great considering she was a tiny bit unhinged in the best of times.

What was worse, is the exorcist who had bumped into them was fucking Layla. 



Lute grit her teeth, shoving Layla with as much strength as she could muster, sending the girl flying into the crowd, knocking at least three other girls down like they were bowling pins.

Her wings twitched, half-spreading in a threat.

“Dance somewhere else!”

Vaggie, who had been passively keeping an eye on her more uptight sister from the other side of the room, scrambled over, pushing through the crowd to stop… whatever it is this was.

She was pretty sure it was gonna be a murder though if she didn’t step in.

No way Adam was going to be any help.

In fact, he’d probably egg it on. 

She jumped in front of Lute, arms stopping her from moving any further towards poor Layla.

“Woah! Woah. Uh- how about we step out and fucking cool DOWN? This isn’t the place to pick fights.”

Lute shot Vaggie a look that said she wanted to maim her in some gruesome and horrible way. 

The look was ignored.

“Get. Your hands off of me.” Lute hissed, pulling back away from Vaggie, stumbling into Adam as she did so.

“Ugh - shit! Hey, Lutey,” Adam caught her around the waist with one hand before she fell, bringing the other up over her front, trapping her arms by her side so she couldn’t use them to hurt anybody.

Or him, for that matter.

“Wanna go grab some water and just chillax outside for a sec?” Selfishly, he also wouldn’t mind trying to recreate what had almost happened earlier, without the risk of another interruption.  

She struggled against him, thrashing violently to escape his hold on her, elbows bending and colliding with his stomach, attempting to throw him off her.

“Let – me – go!”  

Vaggie glared at Adam. 

“She needs to go home. She’s going to end up butchering somebody in a minute.” She narrowed her eyes further at Adam and put her hands on her hips. “This is all your fault.”  

“My fault?!” Adam cried incredulously, wincing slightly as Lute stomped down on his foot. “I didn’t do anything! You’re the one who let her drink eighteen glasses of wine before I got to her!”  

“And you thought tequila, of all things, would be a good way to wash all that down?”  

If Vaggie wasn’t careful, he was going to put her on fucking toilet cleaning duty come Monday morning. What was it with these warrior chicks and their smartass mouths?! If it wasn’t Lute sassing him, it was this one getting her panties in a twist about… well, everything.  

“Look,” he started angrily, shifting Lute to the side as she started kicking backwards, clearly hoping to make contact where she knew it would hurt. Bitch. “I don’t fucking care how she got to this point, scissor sister. I just need to get her home, to bed.”  

Vaggie balled her hands into fists. “I saw you two before Layla bumped into Lute. There’s no fucking way in Hell I’m letting you take her anywhere. Alone.”  

“Why, you wanna join in?” Adam taunted, squeezing Lute harder. He felt her body soften with the pressure, and he gently rubbed the shoulder he was holding, a silent ‘thank you’ for finally calming down. “If that’s the case, all you have to do is ask.”

Vaggie’s eyebrow twitched at the very notion that Adam would invite her back with them. Which only FURTHER sealed in her mind that she could not and WOULD NOT let her sworn sister, be it Lute or anyone else, go with him that night.

Disgusting excuse for a first man.

“I’d rather stab my eyes out with forks.”

She glanced at Lute, who for the moment was calm, but seemed a hair’s breadth away from popping off again.

The lieutenant was peering at Adam from the corner of her eye. Her brows furrowed in concentration. 

Though what she was concentrating on, Vaggie hadn’t the slightest clue.




She grabbed Lute’s wrist, pulling her free of Adam’s grasp and towards her.

“Uh, Lute.” She placed her hands on either one of the lieutenant’s shoulders and lowered her tone so that Adam could barely hear over the music.

“I REALLY think you should just get yourself as far away from this pervert as you can and sleep this off.”

Lute made a face, pulling away from Vaggie.

“Like I said earlier, I’m fine.”

Vaggie couldn’t stop herself from rolling her eyes. 

“And unlike earlier, I am not going to let you go ANYWHERE with this sleezeball alone.”

Lute waved her hand, the action uncoordinated and flippant.

“We’ve been alone together plenty of times before-“

“But not while you were drunk and certainly not while HE was drunk. Look I’m just saying you’re not able to think clearly-“

“Don’t question me!” Lute snapped, swatting Vaggie as she turned back to grab Adam’s hand.

“If the commander is going to fuck me on the table then we’ll fuck on the table!”

“What the…” Adam trailed off, eyes darting back and forth between Vaggie, who looked like she wanted to be sick, and Lute, who was tugging insistently on his hand towards…  

…a booth.  

Oh, shit. She wasn’t kidding.  

“You know what?” Vaggie threw her hands up in the air, exasperated. “I give up. I don’t care anymore. You two do whatever the hell you want to each other.” She started off towards the bar before turning back and facing Lute.

“What you just said makes me want to drink bleach. But it sounds like you’ve made up your mind, and I can’t stop you from making shitty decisions. If you need me though, you call me right away. I mean it, Lute.” She threw a filthy look Adam’s way and stalked away, muttering further under her breath in Spanish so neither of them could understand her.  

Adam cleared his throat and turned his attention to Lute, who hadn’t stopped pulling at him. “Lute. Stop for a sec, babe.”  

She listened, her grip loosening as she looked up at him expectantly. Adam swallowed nervously, his hands clammy once again. He’d be a liar if he said that he didn’t love the idea of taking her there and then on the table in front of everybody. 

Or against the table. Or from behind as he bent her over the tab-  

Not the time, dickhead!  

“I’m taking you home.” he said firmly, grabbing her other hand and squeezing both of her hands with his. “You’ve had enough. Fuck, I’ve had enough, and that’s saying something. I’m going to make sure you’re home safe, and I’ll stay with you until I’m satisfied that you’re not going to choke on your own vomit once the high inevitably wears off and you start feeling like shit.”



Lute tried yanking her hands out of his grasp. “I don’t want to go home. Let’s just stay here and – ” She was cut off as Adam tightened his grip.  

“That’s a fucking order, Lieutenant. I’d think long and hard about your next move.”  

Not one to disobey her commander, Lute fell silent.

Adam seized the opportunity to pull her closer, one hand holding her firmly around the waist, the other finding the back of her head.He grabbed a fistful of hair and firmly tugged her head back, her head tilting upwards, bright eyes wide once again. He lowered his eyes and leaned forward, lips brushing slightly against her skin as he pressed his cheek roughly to hers, mouth finding her ear.  

He felt her inhale and forget to exhale again, hands fisted in his robes.  

“Then, you and I are going to have a little chat about saying things that we don’t mean. Understood?” He whispered angrily.

Lute swallowed, her eyes widening as she felt his mouth against her ear.

It wasn’t often Adam got mad. Even more rare that it was directed at her. And that stung.

She’d be lying if she didn’t think the whole interaction was… the tiniest bit hot though.

“Yes, Sir.” She responded, ducking her head low when he let her go, shame smacking into her with the force of a train.

She looked at no one, and said nothing as they left the party, following closely behind her commanding officer.

Once they were alone and outside of the venue Lute lifted her head, glancing at Adam to see if she could read his body language. Something that was easier said than done given she could hardly walk a straight line and consistently bumped into him as they moved.

Even still, he was stiff, his long strides carrying him quickly down the decently empty promenade. His grip on her hand was tighter then she would’ve liked it to be.

Oh crap! The seraphim would KNOW she was drunk! She puffed her chest out, trying even harder than she had been to walk in a straight line, her eyes darting around the sky, looking for open windows in the taller buildings.

If there was anytime when Sera would spot them, it was then.

They were done for. She was going to get written up!!!

She felt Adam yank on her arm, jarring her from her particularly panicked thoughts.

She was going to get written up AND Adam was mad at her. This was the WORST FUCKING NIGHT!!!

She wanted to cry.

The walk back to the barracks and her apartment was the longest walk. Not just because she kept stopping, and bumping into him.

WHY WAS IT SO HARD TO WALK?

She doubted flying would be any easier though. The last thing they needed was to fall out of the sky because she crashed into the side of a building.

The longer Adam was silent, the more anxious Lute remained.

Okay… table sex is not something she should EVER SUGGEST EVER in the future.

He was never going to trust her again. She was going to get demoted. He’d probably promote Layla…

She crashed into him when he stopped at her door, bouncing back and saluting.

“SORRY SIR.”


Adam ignored her.  

“In,” he growled, pointing at the door. “Now.”  

Lute shakily dropped her hand from her forehead and produced her key from her pocket.

Adam plucked it from her hand and swiftly unlocked the door, guiding her inside. If he let her try and do it, they’d be out there all night, given how she could barely walk home in a straight line. And he did not have the patience to watch her repeatedly try and fit her key into the keyhole.  

The first thing he noticed about Lute’s apartment wasn’t that it was spotless, or that there was no visible clutter – unlike his own home, which was practically littered with random bits and bobs. Or even that she had very little decor adorning the walls and surfaces. 

No. It was her dining table, which was devoid of any decorations and looked very inviting.

Suppressing the urge to take her up on the offer she’d made at the party, he remembered his annoyance with her. He grabbed both of her shoulders and steered her towards her couch instead.  

“Sit down.”  

She obediently dropped onto the two-seater, deliberately avoiding his gaze.

He went into her kitchen and opened cupboards, muttering to himself in irritation as he struggled to locate her drinking glasses. After finally finding them on his fourth attempt, he filled them both with water and joined Lute on the couch, handing her one as he sat.

She accepted, still silent, staring down into the glass  

“Drink.” He raised his own glass to his lips, an invitation for her to do the same.

She took a small sip, finally meeting his eyes.  

Shit. Adam felt a tiny pang in his chest at the way she was frowning at him. He knew what that look meant - she was embarrassed.  

“You wanna tell me what the hell happened back there?” he asked sternly.

Her knuckles turned white as she gripped the glass tighter.  

“Um…” Was all she could muster, face flushing as she turned away from him.

“I…” She quickly tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and puffed her cheeks.

What was she supposed to say??? If she admitted she had genuinely wanted him to take her on the table, he would be mad given that was the thing that started this mess.

If she tried to cover, and just say she was drunk, which she was, he would be mad.

She didn’t know how to navigate this without Adam being upset with her in some manner. And that fact unnerved her more than anything else.

She didn’t want him to hate her. She very much did NOT want him to hate her.

She took a shaky breath, her teeth clamping down on the edge of the glass as she raised it to her mouth again to drink.

And, as she still was buying for time, she downed the entire contents of the glass.

Shoot. Now what?

She set the glass on the coffee table in front of them, her motion stiff and robotic.

Then she exhaled the air she’d been holding, cracking the knuckles in her fingers and wrists as she looked around the room for a sign, an answer to why she had ever let herself suggest they have sex on the table.

The thought of which was still teasing her… especially as her own table caught her eye.

Fuck! She was so hot.

“I- um…” She swallowed, pressing her lips together.

Her hands were so sweaty.

“I…” She was going to melt if she didn’t do something!

“Give me one moment Sir. I just…” She shifted in her seat, pulling her tunic up over her head, only for her to struggle getting it off.

WHY WAS HER COORDINATION SO AWFUL!?

“Lute,” Adam sighed, taking in the sight of her with her tunic stuck over her head, shoulders hunched forward, arms tangled awkwardly in the material. “What are you doing?” It was hard to stay too mad at her when she looked so fucking ridiculous. There was a muffled reply from beneath the fabric that he couldn’t quite make out. “Do…” he cleared his throat. “Do you need help with that?”  

Lute managed to pop her head through the neck of the tunic, exhaling loudly.

“No, Sir,” she breathed, freeing her arms and depositing the garment on the floor next to her couch. Smoothing her tousled platinum hair out of her face, she grabbed Adam’s glass of water and downed it in one gulp.

It wasn’t hard to notice that she was flustered. Her face was a brilliant shade of gold, spreading from the apples of her cheeks right down her neck and spilling over her chest. She kept rubbing her hands on her legs like there was something unpleasant on them that she desperately needed to wipe off.

Not to mention the fact that her breathing was oddly erratic - she was practically panting.

He just couldn’t figure out why she was so worked up. Adam cocked his eyebrow at her, his irritation slowly but surely being replaced by mild amusement at how out of sorts she was. “Better?”  

“Um,” she bit her lip nervously and turned her head to stare towards her dining table.

Adam felt his chest tighten as he followed her gaze. Oh. That damn table was going to taunt him all night, and now it really wasn’t helping knowing she was clearly thinking about it, too. He wondered if it was for the same reason it was playing on his mind.

“Not really, no. It’s so hot in here.” She exhaled pointedly, and she looked so incredibly bothered now that Adam couldn’t hold his grudge any longer.

Her eyes were darting nervously around the room, hands running through her already messy hair and clutching at her flushed skin. A lot more skin than what he was used to her showing, Adam reminded himself. She puffed her cheeks like she always did when she couldn’t get her words out properly and stood, stumbling slightly as she started pacing.  

“Lutey,” he started, chuckling. How could he possibly stay mad at her? She was being completely ridiculous now, which was so fucking endearing to him. He liked how that made him feel, how a warmth was starting to spread in his chest and extend down into his abdomen. Or, it could just be the alcohol talking. “Lute, come here.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her back onto the couch.

He had intended for her to fall back where she’d originally been sitting, but he must have been drunker than he realized because he’d incorrectly gauged where she was going to land and pulled her right into his lap.
For the third time that night, she grabbed the front of his robes in her fists. He felt his own breathing quicken in anticipation, his hands gravitating to her waist like they had each time they’d been close earlier that night.

His hands spread around the curve of her figure, just a sheer piece of fabric separating him from feeling her bare skin. “Hey,” he said, squeezing her gently. “You all good?”  

“Uh-huh.” Her bright eyes bored into his own, blazing, determined not to break contact.  

“Good,” he whispered, absentmindedly running the tips of his fingers up and down the side of her body.  

For several seconds, neither of them spoke or moved, an unfamiliar tension in the air hanging thickly between them. Neither of them broke eye contact with the other as they kept staring, both determinedly playing a silent game of chicken. Waiting to see who would be the first to break.  

It was Lute who folded.  

“Oh, fuck this.” she groaned suddenly, and before Adam could react, she’d pulled on his robes to close the gap between their mouths and kissed him, not holding back as she took control. She devoured him with the same manner as she approached her work: hard, fast and with reckless abandon.

Her hands quickly found their way onto his neck and into his hair, her lips never leaving his as she hungrily explored every inch of his mouth with her tongue like her life depended on it.

She tasted like tequila, lime, red wine, pure adrenaline and… the blood of the hundreds of sinners she’d slayed earlier that day?

Ow. No, scratch that, it was his blood. She’d just kissed him so fucking intensely that she’d bit his lip. 

Now that was hot.

“So,” Adam rasped when they finally broke for air, head spinning, his mouth surely bruised, “does this mean you were serious about – about the table? Back at the party?”  

She nodded, biting her now-swollen lip as she backed up off him, tugging on his hand so he also rose from the couch, leading him towards her dining table. 

“Oh, no, babe,” he grinned as he realized what she was doing, hoisting her onto his hips, her legs instinctively wrapping around his body. If she thought she was calling all the shots, she had another thing coming.  

Lute involuntarily let out a small gasp of surprise as he lifted her body against his, lacing her arms around his neck to steady herself.

“You’ve had your fun, now it’s my turn.”  

“But I- ”

He silenced her protests with his mouth, his kiss softer and slower in comparison to hers. He could feel her frustration at his deliberate pace as she tried to dominate him, her hands gripping his neck tightly as she began responding fiercely, her lips fighting his to take over. 


“Nuh-uh,” he tutted against her mouth, taking a step towards the table. “What did I just say, Lieutenant?” He pulled back ever so slightly, smirking as he felt her exhale in frustration, her breath hot and heavy against his face.  

“It’s your turn, sir,” she panted shakily.  

“You’ve always been a fast learner.” He rewarded her with another long, lingering kiss as he backed her towards the table, stumbling slightly as he accidentally bumped into a wall. “Such a good girl you are, Lute.”  

She whimpered as his mouth met hers again, her fingernails dragging against his scalp as she entwined her fingers in his hair, his praise clearly turning her on - which, in turn, drove him fucking crazy.

He quickened his pace, kissing her with a fierce intensity that he was no longer able to contain. Setting her down on the edge of the table, he pulled his mouth away and leaned his forehead against hers to catch a quick breath.

The whole room was spinning around them, but he didn’t care.  

“By the way,” he whispered as he steadied himself, dipping his head to gently press his lips at the hollow of her neck,

“I don’t believe I’ve told you how hot you look tonight. Or every day, for that matter. How rude of me.” His hands found their way up underneath her underdress, feeling their way up her back until they discovered her bra strap, which he fumbled with clumsily until the clasp broke free.

“So fucking sexy,” he murmured against her throat, his hands now free to roam her upper back, taking in her hard muscles, the soft indents of her countless battle scars, the sensitive flesh where her skin met the base of her wings.
Lute moaned in response, the vibration tickling Adam’s lips as they trailed down her neck and across her collarbone. 

The sound she’d made… fuck, that sound alone was enough to make him explode, which was a dangerous thought, given how hard his dick was straining against his pants. His mouth found hers once more, now frantic and desperate. His hands groped at her ass, pressing her body tightly against his hips, rocking forward firmly so she could feel how badly he needed her.

The message seemed to ring loud and clear as Lute’s fingers hastily located the buttons of his robe and fumbled with them, trying in vain to undo them.  

“Sorry, Sir,” she murmured against his mouth as she struggled, “I guess I’m a little drunk.”  

“A little drunk?” he laughed huskily, catching her bottom lip with his teeth and tugging it playfully as he reached his hands up to help her with his buttons. “Babe, we’re absolutely fucking wasted.”  

Then it hit him. They were wasted.

This wasn’t right – as much as every fiber of his being wanted to follow through with Lute’s declaration back at the party, as much as it went against every instinct of his to stop what they were doing, he couldn’t continue. Not like this when they were both in the wrong frame of mind.

He didn’t want her to wake up the next morning and resent him for it or think something had happened that she wasn’t okay with.  

He didn’t want her regretting it.  

“Lute, babe,” his hands closed around hers as he painfully stepped back slowly from her, his whole body crying out in protest. “We need to stop now before we get too carried away.”

Lute’s jaw dropped.

Shock and confusion clear and evident on her face, in her eyes. Her brows furrowed as she felt the space between them grow wider.

Her hands reached out, clinging to his robe in some desperate attempt to bring him back.

He wasn’t serious.

They couldn’t just STOP??? NOT NOW!

She scooted forward on the table, her feet latching onto him in a similar, desperate manner that her hands did.

She was going to fall off the edge of the table if she wasn’t careful-

“Sir? But-“ She closed her mouth, her eyes darting back and forth as she internally sorted through the steps that had been taken to get them there.

She NEEDED them to keep going.

“We could just- we don’t have to be on the table.” She pulled him close again, her hips bucking the moment she felt him against her once more.

He exhaled deeply, his hands coming to rest at her sides as she pulled him back into a desperate kiss.

He pulled back, turning his head and bringing his hands up to take her wrists.

“What? No! No. Lute-“ He shook his head, running a hand through his hair and messing it up further.

“That’s not the fucking issue here. We’re not doing this! You’re going to bed, I’m gonna hit the couch. We’re gonna sleep this off so we don’t regret it in the morning.”

Lute’s face fell, the rejection impaling her like an icepick through her chest.

Any other fucking exorcist and he’d have taken them on the couch, on the table, on the chair-

Why couldn’t he do the same for her?

What was it about her that was just SO unappealing that he refused to cross that professional line?

She sat on the edge of the table, watching him shuffle towards the hall. He stopped and turned to look at her, apparently he had realized she wasn’t following.

He looked annoyed.

GOOD.

She was annoyed too.

She folded her arms in an indignant huff as she slid off the table, her feet just barely landing solidly on the floor beneath her.

“You’re really gonna sit there and fucking pout in the kitchen?”

She didn’t respond, she just continued to glare.

He looked at her flatly, walking back to grab her arm and usher her towards the bedroom.“You need to go to bed. I need to go to bed. Stop making this more difficult than it needs to be.”

“You’re that tired all of a sudden?”

“Lute, look how fucking hard I am right now, you REALLY think I just wanna go to bed for the hell of it? I’m TRYING to be the responsible one here!”

He pulled her down the hall, peeking his head into the first two doors until he found her bedroom.

“I’m not going to sleep, Sir.”

He looked at her flatly.

She stared back at him, every ounce of defiance she could muster in her golden eyes as she stood firmly rooted in place.

After a moment of neither one of them daring to move, Lute realized her bra was still haphazardly on. She maintained eye contact as she blindly tried to remove the straps and take it off, her expression DARING Adam to try and stop her.

After struggling for a substantial amount of time she finally managed to slip the garment off, tossing it into the hallway behind them.

“Yeah, you’re going to bed.”

“No, Sir.” she stated, staring him down as she then removed her pants, falling into the wall as she struggled to get the article of clothing off. Once she did she triumphantly tossed them behind her, hands on her hips, chest puffed out.

Adam pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, frustrated.  

Frustrated that it turned out that he had a conscience – where the fuck had that come from? – and stopped himself before they christened Lute’s dining table blind drunk.  

Frustrated with the fact that Lute wouldn’t go to fucking bed.  

Frustrated with the fact that instead of doing her bra up like a normal person would in this situation, she’d chosen instead to take it off, followed by her pants.  

Frustrated with the fact that her stupid underdress was see-through – seriously, what was the fucking point of it, anyway? – and now he had her standing defiantly opposite him, hands on hips, tits proudly on display beneath the sheer fabric as she stared him down.  

As if he didn’t have a fucking tent pitched under his robe as it was, she had the audacity to go and tease him like this. She knew exactly what she was doing.  

Bitch.  

“You were saying, Sir?” she smirked, attempting to brace herself on the wall but her hand slipped, causing her to stumble slightly. If she wasn’t irritating him so much, he’d find her newfound cocky bravado somewhat adorable.  

“Bed.” Was all he could muster as he stared at the ceiling, fighting the urge to let his eyes cast downwards at her body. Because, shit, she really did have a great rack.

No wonder he’d nicknamed her Dangertits. Somebody could very well die being suffocated by those things.  

It’d suck balls to die and all, but man, what a fucking way to go.  

“Make me, Sir.”  

Adam’s head snapped back to its normal position, his gaze meeting hers once more. She continued to bore her eyes into his, silently daring him to defy her.  

He wasn’t going to fall for it. If he challenged her, she’d probably sprint away from him, and he was too drunk to be able to confidently catch her. 



“If that’s what it takes, fine.” He strode towards her – still avoiding looking at her body anywhere below her chin level – and without warning, picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, one burly arm wrapped around her waist.

Like a ragdoll.  

“Are you coming to bed, too?” she asked as he carried her into her bedroom, shutting the door with his free hand behind them. Knowing her as well as he did, if he left the door open she’d sprint out of the room the first opportunity she got.  

“No,” he answered, setting her down on her bed clumsily.

“I’m going to go and sleep on the couch.”

Lute flapped her wings once to balance herself once she lifted herself into a seated position on the bed.

Not that it worked. It was like she was on a boat, every correction she’d made to try and stay upright pushed her too far in the other direction.

Had she not been so sexually frustrated with Adam, she would’ve been more irritated by her inability to keep herself steady.

She thrust her hand outward as she fell forward, catching Adam by his robe before he could pull back fully.

Their faces were close again.

“You choose now in your immortal life to be responsible??” NOW of all times???

If she had been the sober one he’d be making dumb reckless choice after dumb reckless choice. But because SHE was also drunk he was deciding that it was his turn to be a gentleman???

What if she didn’t want him to be a gentleman!? Which she didn’t. She wanted him to fuck her right there and then!

She felt his hot breath against her face as he sighed and looked skyward again. Letting go of his robes, she grabbed his chin, turning it down so their eyes met.

“Shit! Lute come on I’m doing my best here! You’re not thinking right. I’m not thinking right and you’re REALLY pushing it babe.” 


She pulled him into another sloppy kiss. “I don’t want you to do your best. I want you to fuck me-“

“Go to sleep.”

“No, Sir.” 


“Babe. I’m not fucking around. You. Need. To. Sleep.”    

“And I’m not fucking around. I. Want. To. Fuck. You.” Lute punctuated her latter declaration with a short kiss to Adam’s lips after each word.

“Hard. Fast. Here. On the table. My couch. I don’t care where or how, I just know that it’s what I want – and from what I felt back on the table – ” Lute’s eyes moved down Adam’s chest, towards his lower body,

“ – you wanted it too.” She flushed slightly and bit her lip.   

Dammit, she looked so fucking hot when she did that!

He was this close to throwing responsibility out the window. One more, if she told him how badly she wanted him one more time…  

Adam squeezed his eyes shut. He needed to collect his thoughts, needed to talk himself out of giving in to what he really wanted to do.  

He needed to think non-sexy thoughts.  

Paperwork. Hard paperwork – no! Not the word hard. Shit. Difficult – yes, that was better. Difficult paperwork. Lute helping with the paperwork. Lute leaning over his desk, wearing the same sheer underdress so he could see her – fuck! Okay, thinking about paperwork wasn’t going to cut it.  

Sera! Sera wasn’t sexy. Sera was a giraffe lady, who liked to write him up constantly for bullshit reasons. Like sleeping during Court. And pranking Lute during meetings.

Really, Lute should be written up for this. He’d reprimand her, all right. Order her to bend over his lap so he could smack that tight ass of hers.  

No! Bad Adam!  

THIS. WASN’T. WORKING!  

“No!” he cried, grabbing her hands and removing them from his face.

“Babe. I need you to stop.” He swallowed, his throat tight, every part of his body aching now, to the point where if she touched him just one more time he would probably explode. “I’m going to get up now. And lock the door.”


Lute squinted her eyes, her brows furrowed at his statement.

“Why would you need to lock the door?” Her brief pause from confusion ended when she noticed him pulling back. It was then she grabbed his robe again, yanking on it to draw him close once more.

He was NOT getting away from her that easily. Especially when there was a high chance he’d run.

She grabbed his face again, only for him to deflect her away.

“LUTE WILL YOU LET ME BE FUCKING RESPONSIBLE FOR ONCE???” He threw her back against the bed. Initially thrilling. The rush of being tossed backwards making her giggle.

She could work with this!

Or she thought she could. Before she could so much as utter a rebuttal, he was on top of her. But he wasn’t on top of her in anyway that she wanted him to be.

He was laying sideways overtop of her so that his feet were off the bed. He held her arms pinned to her sides so she couldn’t move, at least not her upper body.

She was trapped under him in the least sexy way he could’ve possibly come up with.

“Sir! What the fuck are you doing???”

“Go to sleep Lute! I am fucking begging you! We are both completely wasted and I’m not gonna come out of this the fucking bad guy for once!”

Lute kicked her legs in protest, trying to get leverage by twisting and wriggling free.

She couldn’t get a single hit on him. Shit!

“Kick air all you want. I’m NOT moving.”

“SIR.”

“GO TO SLEEP.” 


Adam was rather proud of his quick thinking.  

He knew it was risky, pinning Lute to the bed. Mostly because he knew she’d enjoy it – and given the way she’d laughed as he threw her down, his suspicions were confirmed.  

He filed that away for a later, more sober date.  

This position, however, was perfect. He had her arms pinned, so there was so way she could grab a hold of him. She couldn’t kick him, considering his body was lying across her upper torso and there was no physical way she could reach him. His head was far back enough from her face that she couldn’t lean forward and kiss him.  

Or at least, he thought it was perfect. Because when she started kicking out and thrashing, he’d made the mistake of looking down at her chest and noticing her tits again.  

He said a silent prayer of thanks that his dick was nowhere near her body as he shifted his hips downwards onto the mattress.   

Just in case.  

“Sir?” she panted, her kicks subsiding.

He could feel her body slacken beneath his – it could be tiredness, or, knowing Lute, she could be feigning fatigue only to take him by surprise and throw him off her when he was least suspecting it.

He squeezed her arms tighter by her side, keeping his eyes firmly on her undecorated bedroom wall behind the bedhead.

“Yeah, Lute?”  

“Are you going to tell Sera about this?” Her voice was quiet, small. Afraid.  

“Only if you don’t shut up and go to sleep soon.”  

“Oh.” Silence.

“Sir?”  

“Yeah?”  

“Are you going to write me up?”  

“For what?”  

“For me wanting you to fuck me on the table.”  

Adam sighed heavily and looked down at Lute’s face. Her eyelids were drooping; she was looking at him from underneath her eyelashes. He could feel that her breathing was becoming slower; more even, regulated. She was finally on the cusp of sleep.  

“No, babe. I’m not going to write you up,” he said, watching her face relax. “You were a fucking menace tonight and tested me in every way possible, but no. I’ll let you off. Just this once.”  

“Oh,” she breathed, her eyes fluttering shut. “Good.”



Adam watched Lute’s face as she drifted off, her head tilting to the side slightly as she finally gave in to sleep. He smiled fondly as soft snores escaped her mouth and began to rhythmically fill the room.  

She was adorable, even in sleep.  

He leaned forward and kissed her softly on the forehead, smoothing her wild hair out of her face so she wouldn’t get it in her mouth as she slept.  

“Night, Dangertits.” he whispered as he slowly, deliberately, moved off her body. He took the duvet from the opposite side of the bed and wrapped it over her, lifting her arm to tuck it just under her body.  

Now, it was time for him to sleep. He was fucking spent.  

He opened her wardrobe and located a spare blanket, folded with military precision on the top shelf. Picking up the spare pillows that had ended up on the floor during their tussle, he lined them up neatly parallel to Lute’s body and settled himself on the bed next to her, draping the blanket over himself.  

She may have been all over him earlier, but he knew what she’d be like in the morning when she discovered that they’d shared a bed. Best to play it safe.  

Closing his eyes, he attempted to reconcile how he’d ended up in this position. Adam was never responsible; in fact, he was practically the poster boy for bad choices, the textbook definition of irresponsibility. So why was he so insistent of not fucking this up?

He peered over the pillow barrier at Lute, who had shifted slightly in her sleep so her body was now facing away from him. 

Deep down, he knew why he was so determined to do the right thing. Too bad he’d never admit it out loud.  

Though, he was looking forward to when the time was right between them. Because if the way she kissed him was any sort of preview of what he could expect…  

…it was hot as fuck.  

Hot.  

He was hot as fuck.  

This room was hot as fuck.  

EVERYTHING WAS HOT!  

Adam groaned and threw the blanket off himself and onto the floor. This was the part of drinking that he hated. The inevitable comedown, the beginning of the antagonizing descent back to sober-ness that meant a host of other unpleasant side-effects were soon to follow.  

Usually, he tried to get to sleep before he hit this stage, but somebody had other ideas.  

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to think of what unpleasant symptom would come next. Would it be a headache? The nausea? The irritability?  

He was boiling. His body temperature must have been at least a thousand degrees, if not more. Sitting up, he ripped his robe up over his head and tossed it next to him on the floor, his pants and undershirt following suit not long after. Clad only in his underwear, feeling significantly cooler now, he glanced over at Lute, who hadn’t moved since he’d last checked on her.  

He smirked as he lay his head down on the pillow, his eyes now feeling heavy as sleep drew nearer. She was going to freak in the morning when she saw this.

Lute groaned and cracked an eye open, immediately shutting it as the sliver of light from her windows cut through her pupils like a hot knife.       


Her head was THROBBING. The pressure building the longer she laid there.

Even the simple basic act of thinking tore through her brain like a spear.

What happened last night?

She was aware of a very bitter taste in her dry mouth. Like bile.

The party… The victory concert-

Her head was going to explode. The sound of snoring just behind her wasn’t helping-

Snoring?

She sat up quickly, squeezing her eyes shut again as the room spun around her.

UGH she was going to be sick. And she was GOING to kill whoever kept snoring in her ears! It might not have actually been loud but in that moment it was like an amp was turned to max right next to her head.

She grit her teeth, moving slower as she felt with her hands to try and see EXACTLY who dared to sleep in her bed.

At least… she hoped it was her bed…

She forced her eyes open, taking some level of solace through the blinding light that what she could make out seemed at least familiar.

It wasn’t Vaggie’s apartment. Okay… it was hers.

She looked down at the wall of pillows, confounded as to why they were there.

Seriously… what happened?

She brought her hands back to her face, rubbing it gingerly in that hopes the action would alleviate the pressure.

It didn’t.

No wonder hard alcohol was typically banned from Heaven. This was HORRIBLE.

Finally, she found the strength to open her eyes and confront whoever was taking up residence in her bed.

Oh… shit.

It was Adam. Her boss. Sleeping in nothing but his underwear. IN HER BED.

Her eyes widened and she very quickly felt her body, looking down and kicking off whatever covers there were.

She was in her underdress and nothing else... fuck.

What happened last night?! …where was her bra??? Where were her pants???

She looked around the bed for any sign of either of them as frantically as she could muster, only to slip and collide with the floor with a ‘thud.’

“Ouch.” She hissed, muttering curses into her carpet. 



Adam grunted. Whoever the fuck was rolling around on the floor was about to cop an absolute earful if they didn’t stop in approximately three seconds.  

He groggily opened one eye and took in his surroundings. White bedspread. Black bed-frame. Pillows to his left, dividing the bed.   

Ah. He remembered now. This was Lute’s room.  

Opening the other eye, he peeked over the pillow barricade. Lute seemed to have vacated the bed. Probably sitting on the floor, rocking in the corner of her living room as she pieced together memories of what a freak she’d been the night before.

He smirked as his own recollection of the night began flooding back. She really had indeed been a freak.  

Yawning, he scratched his chest as he sat up properly. Shit, his head was pounding. He had half a mind to lie back down and sleep it off, but he figured he should find Lute and try to ascertain what her version of last night’s events were.

Crawling across the bed, he picked up the pillows and threw them off Lute’s side, not paying any attention to where they landed.  

“Ow!” an indignant voice cried from the floor.  

“Lute?” Adam called, peering over the side of the bed. He was greeted not by her face as he’d expected, but by her almost-bare chest, covered only by the thin material of her underdress.  

Ah. That’s right. She’d taken her bra and pants off in some kind of weird striptease for him last night. A last-ditch attempt to get him to sleep with her.

He wondered if she was aware of her newfound interest in the art of burlesque.  

Only one way to find out.  

“For fuck’s sake, Lieutenant,” he sighed, “Put on a bra, would ya?”

Lute responded by rolling over onto her stomach, forehead pressed to the carpet as she tossed a pillow at him, missing and hitting her headboard.

“I’m about to get up, Sir. I just… need a minute. Close your eyes.”  

“What for?” he snorted. “You couldn’t get enough of showing your tits off last night.”  

Lute’s head snapped up, her eyes wide and cheeks positively golden with shock.

“What?!”  

“Oh, yeah.” Adam flattened himself on the bed and grinned down at Lute, who was gaping wordlessly up at him. Oh, this morning was going to be fun, even if he was hungover as shit. “You were wild last night, babe. An animal. You couldn’t keep your hands off me – I had to beg you to stop. Turns out you want the First Dick just as bad as the rest of ‘em.”  

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Lute muttered, her forehead dropping back down to the floor.

She had debased herself.

Even if she was VERY aware of her feelings towards her commanding officer, she’d at the very least always maintained that she still had her chastity. That she wasn’t clamoring to sleep with him like all the other exorcists purely BECAUSE he was the first man.

She likely didn’t even have that anymore. She was just like every other pathetically hopeless girl who drooled over him in heaven. 

Any amount of respect she had for herself? Gone. Obliterated. 

She groaned and thumped her forehead against the floor, immediately regretting it as black spots danced in her vision.

That was nothing compared to the all-encompassing sense of shame that had her in a chokehold.

After a very long moment she forced herself upright, pulling herself to lean on the bed and face her boss.

He was staring at her, a smug look on his lips. His hair was an absolute mess and she REALLY hoped that was of his own doing and not hers.

“…We didn’t… did we?”

Adam snickered, shrugging his shoulders.

“Oh, now you’re having second thoughts? Let me tell you Lutey, you were an absolute FREAK of nature last night.” 



Lute paled, slowly sliding back down to the floor so he couldn’t look at her. So he couldn’t SEE any part of her.

He’d apparently already seen enough. AND HE REMEMBERED IT ALL. So why couldn’t she???

-Pants! She needed to find her pants. And her bra. Unless she wanted to continue to unintentionally flash him.

She crawled around the bed, bumping into the frame way more than she would’ve liked as she felt around on the floor for the items of clothing.

She pulled herself up when she reached the door, using the frame to get her up onto her feet.

“Nice ass.”

Lute felt her ears burn as she glanced over her shoulder at him, irritated that he would DARE look her way. She dropped her wings, crossing the bottom feathers in the hopes she’d be at minimum a little more covered.

“Sir… why are you still here?” She asked through clenched teeth.

“You think I feel any better than you do?”

She pressed her lips together, deciding not to respond as she made her way out into the living area.

She was NEVER drinking again. EVER.

Her brows furrowed as she pulled herself along the wall, using it to keep herself upright as she wandered into the main part of her apartment.

She felt like she should be able to remember something from the night before. But apparently it was so horrible her brain had conveniently erased it.

She paused at the end of the hall as her table came into view.

There was something about that table- something IMPORTANT. Why couldn’t she remember???

She heard a very low vibration emanating from the living area near the couch. The telltale sign that her phone was going off from its hiding place beneath the cushions.

GREAT. Another thing she needed to hunt down.

It took her way longer to find her phone than she cared to admit. Especially as she had to keep pausing to close her eyes. Everything was so fucking loud and bright. 

WHY the fuck was everything in Heaven so illuminated all the fucking time??? 

She sighed with relief when she finally yanked her phone from where it was trapped, squinting and wincing as the vivid light from the screen assaulted her sensitive eyes. 

She had …fifty-thousand notifications.

Oh shoot.

She rubbed her face as she very quickly skimmed through, groaning the whole while. 

A handful seemed to be pictures the other girls were tagging her in. Great. That was just great.

The rest were… messages from Vaggie.

One VERY important one at the very top of the stack making her heart drop.

‘I’m coming over. Be there in five.’

No, no, no, no, NO!

VAGGIE COULD NOT SEE ADAM IN HER PLACE!!

It was bad enough SHE had to live with the knowledge of what happened last night. But for VAGGIE to find out??? She did not want to have that conversation.

She did not want to deal with the JUDGMENT.

She sprung to her feet, intending to go back to her room and tell Adam he needed to leave immediately. However, she was stopped when there was a knock at the door.

Vaggie huffed impatiently, tapping her foot as she waited for Lute to open her damn door.  

She was exhausted. Part of that was her own fault – she’d continued to party long after Lute and Adam had left, well into the early hours of the next morning. And when the party had ended, she wasn’t quite ready to go home so she’d continued celebrating by spending a little one-on-one time with another angel in their bed.  

It was no wonder she was so tired. She hadn’t slept a wink.   

The other reason she was exhausted, though, was because she’d been stressing all night about Lute leaving the party with Adam.  

Their boss, in Vaggie’s eyes, was nothing more than a selfish, womanizing piece of shit and it killed her to think that her friend had fallen victim to his apparent charm.

Lute. The baddest bitch in all of Heaven, who took no crap from anybody.

Lute, who would happily gut somebody with her sword without a second thought if they even looked at her the wrong way.  

Lute, who as far as she knew, had never gone home with anybody before.  

The door creaked open, mid-foot tap.  

“Hi.” Lute poked her head through the gap in the door. Vaggie winced – she looked like hell, and that was putting it nicely. Her hair resembled something more like a bird’s nest than her usual platinum crop, her eyes looked tired and her pale face had the faintest tinge of green to it.  

“You look awful.” Vaggie crossed her arms and glared at her friend. “Can I come in?”



“Um,” Lute looked back into her apartment nervously, filling Vaggie with a sense of dread.

He was fucking in there. She knew it.

“...Can you just give a minute? I just have to, um – ”  

“Nope.” Vaggie pushed the door open, eyes widening at the absolute state of Lute.  

Despite being what she would consider ‘good’ friends with her lieutenant, in the many years Vaggie had known Lute she had only ever seen her wear two things: her exorcist uniform in full, or training gear.

That was it.

No casual clothes, no fancy outfits. Even when the Exorcists hit the showers after training, Lute would always enter a private shower cubicle fully dressed, and exit the cubicle fully dressed. She’d never undress near the lockers, like their other sisters.  

So, to see her in nothing but her sheer underdress and plain black panties was something of a shock to Vaggie.  

“Is… is there something that I need to know?” Vaggie asked weakly, watching as Lute hastily folded her arms over her chest. “Because I’d rather you just tell me now and get it over with – ”  

“No,” Lute squeaked, in a tone that Vaggie had never heard before, the blush on Lute’s cheeks completely betraying her. “I was just getting ready for a shower.”  

“A shower,” Vaggie echoed, her eyes trailing to the black bra that hung over the lamp on Lute’s desk. She nodded at it, Lute’s eyes following and widening in horror when she realized what Vaggie was gesturing to. “Do you normally just… throw your underwear around your apartment when you take a shower?”  

“I put it there for... safekeeping.”  

Lute was a lot of things. Lethal. Ambitious. Downright terrifying, at times. One thing she was not, however, was a good liar.  

“Uh-huh,” Vaggie nodded slowly. “And your pants?” She pointed to the crumpled up pile of familiar black leggings that lay near Lute’s dining table. “Do they require safekeeping too?”  

Lute just swallowed in response and crossed her arms tighter.



“Lute,” Vaggie pleaded desperately, placing her hands on her friend’s shoulders. “Please tell me you didn’t?”

Lute recoiled away from the touch, her arms pressing tighter against herself.

How the fuck was she supposed to explain this??? ESPECIALLY when she wasn’t even sure exactly what happened!

She couldn’t even look Vaggie in the eyes. She didn’t want to. Not when she knew the girl would chastise her. She couldn’t deal with that. 

“I… don’t-“ Lute pressed her lips together.

WHY COULDN’T SHE BE A BETTER LIAR?

“No! Of course I didn’t.” She turned away completely from her sworn sister. Though she could feel Vaggie’s eyes boring holes into the back of her head.

Her wings tensed, eyes widening as she heard Adam in the bedroom.

No! NO! NO! NO! NO!

Vaggie could NOT know he was still here!

She spun on her heel, turning back to address her friend, order her out of the apartment, but before she could so much as utter a sound she felt her stomach whirl and bile fill her mouth.

“Oh, sh-“ Was all she managed to get out before she sprinted through her bedroom and into the bathroom, the door banging off the wall as she pushed it open.

She was lucky that she managed to make to the bathroom BEFORE she voided the contents of her stomach. Though just barely. 


She was NEVER drinking again.

Vaggie had joined her in the bathroom at some point, she wasn’t sure when and she didn’t care given she felt like she was sick for decades.

Her head was throbbing, the room was spinning, she was nauseous and clammy… AND SHE STILL HAD NOT THE FAINTEST CLUE OF WHAT HAPPENED THE NIGHT BEFORE.

“Please just kill me now and put an end to my suffering…” She muttered, head in her hands as she pulled away from the toilet. 


She wanted to die. Death would certainly be better than whatever this was. 

Adam smirked to himself as he propped himself up on his elbows and tried to peer into Lute’s bathroom. He couldn’t see a lot of the action from where he was laying, although given how violently ill Lute was, he figured that was probably a good thing.  

“It’s alright, hon,” he heard Vaggie sigh, consoling Lute as she retched again. “I think after you’re done it’d be best if we got you into the shower and cleaned you up a bit.”  

“Can I watch?” Adam called from his spot on the bed, grinning. He didn’t feel too crash hot himself, and the sound of others vomiting made his own stomach churn, but he knew he’d get a good rise out of Vaggie if he riled her up a bit, and that would be well worth it.  

Besides, he wasn’t even sure if she’d seen him as she’d run past the bed, chasing Lute into the bathroom.  

Vaggie poked her head through the doorway. “What the fuck did you do to her?” she hissed, her almond eyes narrowing to dangerous slits. “She’s not in a good way, Adam!”  

“I didn’t do anything!” he proclaimed, sitting up. He saw Vaggie wince as she took in his near-nude body, the blanket draped over his lap hiding any trace of his underwear. “Oh lighten up Vag, as if you’re never seen a naked man before – actually wait, I take it back, you probably haven’t.” He spread his arms out proudly. “It is an honour to be the first – ”  

“Now I think I’m going to be sick,” Vaggie moaned, rubbing her eyes. “Why the hell are you so hairy?”  

Adam looked down at his chest, frowning. He wasn’t that hairy…

…was he?  

“What would you know, carpet muncher?” he shot back. “This is one hundred percent pure testosterone you’re looking at – and given I’m the First Man, I’m also the ideal man, so why don’t you – ”  

He was interrupted by another retch from Lute.  

“I don’t know what you did to her,” Vaggie growled, “But I’m going to put her in the shower and take her back to my place so she can recover in peace.”  

“Like fuck you’re taking her home, I’m taking care of her.”



“Yeah, coz you’re doing a real good job of it now, laying your lazy ass in bed while she pukes her guts up.”  

“I was getting up anyway to make us coffee, fucking calm your flaps.” Adam threw the blanket off his lap and rolled off the bed.  

Rolling wasn’t a good idea. His stomach churned violently as he steadied himself.  

“Could you at least put some clothes on?” she snarled. “I’ve already seen enough of your doughy dad-bod this morning.”  

“Fuck off! There’s nothing wrong with my body. Like you’re one to talk anyway you hypocrite, you’re still in your clothes from the night before. Did you do the walk of shame here?”  

Vaggie muttered something under her breath that Adam couldn’t quite make out and slammed the bathroom door shut.  

Whistling, he strode out into the living area and through to the kitchen.

Anyone would, and should be grateful to have a friend like Vaggie.

Lute was not among the grateful that morning.

Especially not when Vaggie tried to get her to step into the shower. She pulled away, borderline belligerent, her wings coming up around herself to cover herself.

“I can manage myself.” She hissed.

It was an absolute lie. She very much could not handle herself. She could barely stand upright, much less keep her eyes open.

Vaggie sighed in exasperation, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Well it’s either I help you or I go get our… erm, charming boss to do it.”

Lute jumped, her wings involuntarily smacking Vaggie into the sink.

“OR why don’t I shower myself?”

Vaggie looked at her flatly. “Lute you can BARELY stand. If it makes you feel any better just get in wearing what you have.” She turned on the water, pushing the lieutenant into the tub before she could protest.

Something Lute would be REMEMBERING when they got to the office on Monday.

She shrieked when the water hit her, making the sheer fabric even MORE see-through as he clung to her. In a panic, she tried to pull back from the water only to slip on the wet tile and fall, taking Vaggie down with her. 

“This is why. THIS right here is why I wasn’t going to let you shower on your own. You’d fucking KILL yourself.” Vaggie muttered as she moved her now soaking wet hair from her eyes.

Lute stayed on the floor of the shower for a moment longer, eyes squeezed shut. 

Her head was going to explode. 

“Seriously, Lute. Tell Adam to fuck off and get out of here. You’re not in your right mind and clearly he’s already done enough damage.”

Lute waved her hand blindly, eyes staying closed.

“He said he was making coffee.” She muttered, defending him despite the fact that she shouldn’t. 

BUT, if he left she might never piece together what happened the night before. And she sure as shit wasn’t leaving him alone in her apartment to look through all her stuff. 

Vaggie sighed, not bothering to waste her breath anymore. She turned on her heel and left the bathroom, hoping Lute wouldn’t drown in the shower while she found her a change of clothes. 

“What are you doing?” she asked Adam, emerging from Lute’s bedroom, hands on hips.  

“Performing a fucking baptism,” he shot back, watching the coffee begin to steep into the pot. “What does it look like, you dumb bitch?”  

If there was anything that got on Adam’s nerves, besides math, it was stupid questions.  

“I can see that, fuckstick. I mean, what are you doing with Lute?”  

Adam leaned against the counter and considered Vaggie’s question. Even though she was a moody pain in the ass, she cared about Lute. Genuinely.  

Maybe just this once, he could level with her.  

“I know you’re not going to believe me,” he said slowly, scratching the back of his neck. “But I mean it when I say nothing happened between us last night.”  

“Then why are you both barely clothed?”  

“Because I was drunk and got hot, and I stopped Lute from doing something she might have regretted, alright?” He turned away from Vaggie and filled three mugs with black coffee.

“Any other stupid questions?”  

Silence. And then, “No.”  

“Good. Do you take milk or sugar with your coffee? Or are you weird like Lute and only drink it black?” He added two spoonfuls of sugar and a considerably large splash of milk to one mug and took a sip instantly. “Oooh. That’s good.”   

“I’ll have mine when I get back. I’m going to grab some food.”

Vaggie reached for the handle of the front door and paused, turning back to Adam. 

“Lute’s just getting changed now. She… wasn’t too keen on the shower. I think it will help, though, so I’m glad I forced her in. Make sure she drinks that.” She nodded once at Adam – a rare civil gesture – and closed the door behind her.


Lute took SOME level of solace, she supposed, in the fact that Vaggie had helped her find new clothes. And had given her the privacy to change.

She at least felt… somewhat decent now. Even if her head was still pounding, she could face Adam with some level of dignity.

She made her way into the living area, the towel loosely draped over her head to keep the light away from her eyes.

And… to hide her face until the last possible second.

Once she got to the end of the hall, she rubbed the towel over her hair and pulled it down over her shoulders to catch whatever water might still be there.

Now or never.

She let out a breath, strolling into the kitchen as nonchalant as she could muster, head high, chest out. 

She deflated quickly though, her jaw clenching as she caught sight of Adam’s bare- EVERYTHING.

Heaven help her.

“Sir.” She slammed her hand down onto the counter, trying her best to maintain her composure.

“What happened last night? And don’t dance around the question.”

Adam took a sip of his coffee, sliding the mug he’d made for her across the counter. She stopped it with her hand.

“The Victory concert? We got hammered babe.”

Lute looked at the dark liquid swirling in the mug, before peering up at Adam flatly.

“I know that.” She hissed. “I mean AFTER we came back to my apartment.”

He smirked, once more raising the coffee to his lips.

“I already told you. You got freaky~” He winked, holding up his finger when she opened her mouth to protest.

Her eyebrow twitched.

“That isn’t helpful. Sir.”

“What do you want me to say, Dangertits? You wanted to fuck me on the couch,” He nodded to the living room. 

“The table, oh you were REALLY gunning for me to dick you down on the table-“

Lute cut him off, balling the towel up and throwing it at him. Gloriously, she managed to hit him directly in his smug stupid face.

Her own face was burning.

“My table? Of all the places in my apartment you’re telling me the TABLE is where I wanted to do it?”

Adam snickered, letting the towel drop to the floor.

“Yeah. Wouldn’t let me so much as walk away before you started stripping in some sort of little tantrum because I WOULDN’T fuck you on the table.”

She wanted to kill him.

Adam, First Man, he would die that day. 

Adam took one look at Lute’s face and he couldn’t hold his laughter in anymore.  

She was filthy with him.  

“Tell. Me. What. Happened,” she snarled. “I know where my knives are. You don’t.”  

Adam opened the drawer closest to him.

Knives. All perfectly polished with expertly sharpened blades. There were far too many of them for one angel living on her own – but then again, it was Lute, so it wasn’t the same level of shock as it would have been had they belonged to any other angel.  

“Wanna tell me when you started a side hustle as a butcher, babe?” Adam asked, taking another sip of coffee. “Coz, really, you don’t need this many – ”  

“I’ll butcher you in a minute,” Lute growled, “If you don’t shut up and fill in the gaps from last night.”



Adam held up his hands in defeat. “Alright, alright, calm the fuck down.” He rubbed a hand against his jaw and sighed.

He had no idea how she was going to take what went down last night – but she needed to know, and he really didn’t feel like talking her out of wielding a knife at him today.

He nodded towards her mug, still untouched on the bench. “I’ll tell you, but you’re going to want to drink that before it gets cold.”  

Lute eyed the cup wearily before glancing back in his direction, pointedly averting her eyes so she was looking somewhere over his left shoulder.

“...could you at least get dressed first?” she asked weakly.  

“Nope. This is how I came into this world – well, almost – and it’s how I intend to stay today. I will, however – ” He bent down and leaned his forearms on the counter opposite Lute, the lower part of his body mostly obscured from her view.

“ – stand here so I don’t catch you checking out my junk. My eyes are up here, remember?” He pointed to his golden eyes and grinned, watching Lute roll her eyes and reach for her cup.

“Alrighty, story time. What do you remember from the concert?”  

“I-” She pressed her lips together and glanced sideways. “I saw you doing a shot off that bitch. Layla...” There was a bite to Lute’s voice when she said Layla’s name that caught Adam off-guard.

He cocked his head, frowning, trying to recall the moment.  

“That was at the start of the night,” Adam said slowly, studying Lute, who had gone practically fluorescent and was making every effort to not look at him. Instead, she was intensely studying the black coffee in the mug she held between her hands. There was no fucking way black coffee could be that interesting.

“Lute – did you drink yourself stupid because you were jealous?”  

“No!” she cried indignantly. “...I just thought, that maybe, it might be fun to have a drink or two, that’s all.”



“Well, you didn’t just have a drink or two. You mixed at least four different drinks, including, from what Vaggie said last night, at least a full bottle of wine.”  

“No wonder I feel so crap.” she muttered, still not meeting his eye.  

“Yeah.” Adam snorted, draining the last of his coffee and setting his mug down on the bench. “Given the fact that you’re a giant overachiever, I’m not surprised you drank yourself stupid. Don’t ever pull that shit again. It’s dangerous, and you could have fucked yourself up pretty hardcore. Understood?”  

Lute continued to stare into the depths of her cup, head bowed, damp hair hiding her face.  

Adam sighed and rubbed his face. It was time to cut the bullshit and come clean.  

“Babe, nothing happened last night. I promise. I wasn’t lying when I said you were an animal – you initially wanted to fuck me on a table in front of everybody, which was when I decided to take you home and put you to bed.”  

“I did not say that.”  

“Well, no, you didn’t say it, but you certainly screamed it,” he smirked and ran a hand through his hair, trying to remember their surroundings at the time. “If it makes you feel any better, I think only Vaggie heard.”



“It doesn’t. So what happened when we got back here?”  

“Oh, before I get into that – you tried to fight Layla on the dance-floor. I think she accidentally bumped into you, and you flew off the handle at her and wanted to throw hands.”  

“She should have watched where she was dancing, then.” Lute’s tone was decidedly miffed. 

“I think it was an accident, Lute. And stop getting your panties in a twist about Layla. She’s a good time and a nice chick, but that’s about the extent of our relationship.”  

“And I’m not.” Lute finally tore her eyes from her coffee and glared at Adam, hurt evident in her own eyes as she stared him down like she was daring him to deny her statement.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. There was far, far too much to unpack in what she’d said, and his head was already fucking pounding.  

“I didn’t say that, so cut the self-deprecating bullshit. You’re the bane of my fucking existence some days, but you’re the baddest bitch in Heaven. My top girl. There’s nobody else I’d rather have as my right-hand woman. Does that make you feel better?”



“No.”  

“Well, let me put it this way – I like a good time, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not what matters most to me. Got it?”  

Lute said nothing, absentmindedly tapping a finger against her mug instead.  

“Anyway. We got back here, and I tried to get you to sober up by giving you water, but you were all worked up over something. Turns out, you were just horny as fuck and you kissed me there on that couch.”  

“You said nothing happened!” she wailed, burying her face in her hands as she leaned her elbows on the counter.  

“When I say nothing happened, I mean we didn’t sleep together. But fuck, Lute, I’m not gonna lie to you – it was headed that way. I had you up on your table and was about to start ripping your clothes off with my teeth before I realized something.”  

“What?” she groaned into her fingers.  

“I realized that when it happens – and I’m not saying the word if because I know it’s only a matter of time before it does happen – we both need to be in the right frame of mind. Not blind drunk. So, I put a stop to it.”  

Lute separated her ring and middle fingers, her bright eyes peering out at him from the gaps she’d created.  

“Lute? Say something?”

She didn’t want to say something.

She wasn’t even sure she could breathe in that moment given her BOSS just admitted that he fully expected them to fuck sometime in the near future. But not only did he expect them to fuck he expected it to be without any alcohol.

Her heart thumped wildly against her ribcage, her face burning hot.

Was she… excited? Anxious? Was that what she was feeling? SHAME? How the fuck was she supposed to process or accept that in any capacity? She wasn’t supposed to be into him like that!

Only to realize that she still hadn’t answered him and he was looking at her like she’d dropped her halo.

Speak. She needed to speak.

She cleared her throat, straightening up. Her eyes dropped down to the countertop and away from Adam, her hands smoothing out a stray napkin that was setting close by.

“I… recognize my behavior was… unprofessional.” She winced when Adam started laughing.

“Unprofessional? That ship sailed LONG before we got back to your place.”

She pressed her lips together, brows furrowed as she kept her full attention on the napkin. In particular she kept her attention on a wrinkle that wouldn’t come out.

“…But, thank you for… stopping me from doing anything foolish….Sir…” She felt her cheeks burn hotter.

She might not have been looking at him but she could FEEL his smug expression on her.

Any second he’d laugh again. Any second he’d poke fun. 

But he didn’t. Instead he reached out and gently took her hand, stroking the back of it with his thumb.

“Like I said,” He started, the sound of his coffee mug being set down on the counter hitting her ears.

“We need to be in the right frame of mind. Cause that’ll be a day I want you to remember~”

Lute’s eyes flicked up ever so briefly before she looked back down. She rubbed her temple, her headache returning with a vengeance.

She cleared her throat again, her breath hitching as she felt Adam, very gently, place a kiss on her forehead.

He then shifted around the counter, hoisting her up into his arms bridal style.

“Sir!” She yelped.

“What are you doing???”

“Simple, you have a headache. I know I have a headache. Standing around here isn’t going to help so let’s just call it and go back to bed.”

She covered her face with her hands once more as he carried her back into her room, easing her down gently onto the mattress before climbing next to her.

He then very deliberately took one of the spare pillows and placed it over his crotch.

“Don’t want you getting any ideas.” He winked, snickering as Lute involuntarily smacked him square in the chest.

“Ouch! Hey, see? I was smart. Now I’m fucking protected!”

Lute rolled her eyes, shifting to get herself comfortable and falling silent in the hopes her headache would fade. She just needed to go back to sleep.

Shockingly, Adam also fell silent. It was startling him not speaking for so long that Lute was the one to break the silence.

“Sir?” She asked, her voice small.

“Hmm?”

“You’re not going to fire me over this?”

He frowned, propping himself up on his arm.

“Why would I fucking do that? Didn’t you hear me? You’re my top girl.”

“I was just making absolutely sure, Sir.” She pressed her lips together, falling silent again as Adam readjusted his position and closed his eyes.

“Sir?”

“Yeah?”

“Are… you going to tell Sera about this?”

Adam cracked open an eye, choosing to scoot closer to close the distance between them, his legs bumping up against hers. 

Of course, the pillow was still there because the first man was apparently choosing THAT particular moment to be modest.

“What Sera doesn’t know won’t kill her.” He shrugged.

“Besides, it was our Victory concert. Everyone goes wild that night. You just decided to be fucking insane.”

Lute glanced off to the side, only to pause when she felt Adam’s fingers brush against her cheek.

“It’s okay though. Keeps Heaven interesting. You being fucking nuts.”

She inadvertently leaned into his touch, bringing her hand up to hold his wrist, a small smirk on her lips as she closed her eyes.

Vaggie didn’t bother announcing when she came back given she expected to see them in the kitchen.

BUT NO. No, they’d decided to leave their half-empty coffee mugs on the counter.

She hated to consider what that meant given Adam was a party in all this. There was no telling what he could pressure Lute into. Not that Lute was seemingly at all unwilling most times.

Then again, it wasn’t out of the realm of reason that Lute had just gotten sick again. Even IF she probably didn’t have anything left in her stomach by that point that didn’t mean she wouldn’t still dry heave.

The exorcist sighed, placing the bag of food on the counter as she made her way down the hall towards Lute’s bedroom.

She paused when she heard whispering, peering through the door to see them… in bed?

She waited a moment, weighing her options. If she went in there and disturbed them - EVEN if she wanted to on principle - Lute would be FURIOUS with her. If she did nothing… well… she’d probably be fine.

After a long moment she sighed, deciding to leave the apartment for the time being.

She’d send a text checking in later. But for now, she’d let them rest and sleep off their hangovers.

Hopefully, it would benefit all of them come Monday.

[seilon]

god I wish I could rip Instagram apart with my teeth I hate it I hate it I hate it

[theghostofashton]

seeing someone make a dumb ignorant comment on a post but then seeing people respond w like “stfu and die”….. this is why shit is always polarizing and nothing changes lmfao

[floral-hex]

Went on a little train ride through some of the Ozark mountains in Arkansas yesterday. Very beautiful ride. Some of the bridges were over 100 feet up. It was only 3 hours round trip, but it was lovely.

Also, there’s me trying to look like I’m interesting and not just taking a shitty selfie.

[chaoswithcausation]

I have the self-control of a fucking pro :)

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[luveline]

can we possibly get the one where Gideon doesn’t like bombshell reader and poor Spencer is watching like☹️

Spencer feels a little like a child of divorce. Like, he absolutely is a child of divorce, but he didn’t think he’d feel this way at work. Lately, all Hotch and Gideon do is argue. 

It’s especially odd in that Hotch doesn’t usually go against Gideon’s judgement, even when he doesn’t agree, but you seem to be something Hotch is willing to fight for, and Spencer has no idea why.

“We don’t need her,” Gideon says. Spencer knows it isn’t Gideon being cruel, just stern. “We have a fine team without her.” 

“But with her, we’re better. And we have an opening. I know you like Greenaway for it, and I do too–”

“Everyone likes Greenaway for the position, she’s more palatable than L/N, and she works harder.”

Spencer tries not to whip his face back and forth like he’s following a ping pong ball, but it’s hard to keep up. He has no idea what his mentor’s talking about in all honesty, you’d seemed more than palatable when you met him last week. You were nice. And barely anybody is nice to Spencer. 

You sounded like you actually wanted to hear him talk, something Gideon has often been alone in. And palatable is a subjective word. 

“That’s not necessarily true,” Hotch says, knowing he’s losing. 

“We’re not gonna rush into picking someone,” Gideon says, less stern, more neutral. 

“No. I have invited her to the Georgia consultation this afternoon.” 

Gideon sighs through his nose. The afternoon rolls around quickly. Spencer doesn’t want to think about it but he’s excited to see you, and he feels conflicted in that; Gideon is the first person in a long time who actually seems to care about him, so Spencer is guilty of always aiming to please, but he can’t understand why Gideon dislikes you so much. Am I being easily led? he wonders. 

He’ll admit to finding you attractive. In his head, that is. You’d spoken so particularly, you’d looked stunning, and you didn’t make a fuss when he wouldn’t shake your hand. You called him beautiful. 

It’s the nicest, kindest attention he’s had since he started. Morgan calls him pretty boy. Spencer knows it’s not the same thing. 

They gather in the conference room, Morgan, Hotch, Gideon and Spencer, just a few minutes before 2PM. A minute later, you’re knocking on the door. 

“Hello…” You smile when you realise they’re here. “Am I late?” 

“No, L/N. Come and take a seat,” Hotch says. 

There’s a plastering of documents on the table and an empty seat by both Morgan and Spencer. You choose the one beside Spencer despite a stack of manilla folders, tucking your chair in neatly. “Oh, the grizzly stuff. This will upset my feminine energy.” 

Morgan laughs. Gideon glares at the table. 

Spencer likes it when you’re around. One more person and suddenly the consultation is a conversation and not a debate. You can keep up with everyone. You laugh at Spencer occasionally and he doesn’t know why, but he can tell it isn’t cruel laughter; he’s had a long time to work out the difference. 

Gideon excuses himself for a coffee half an hour in. 

Hotch immediately leans across the table. “I’m trying to help you,” he says. 

You grimace. “What am I doing wrong now?” 

“The laughing.” 

“You laugh.” 

“I know.” Hotch smiles at you. “You’re getting good at this, you have good insight on the dark triad. You read the book I sent?” 

“How’s Haley?” you ask.

He shakes his head, but his smile stays. “Don’t joke about that.” 

You’re not flirting. Or, Spencer doesn’t think so. It’s more likely you’re joking as Hotch says, everything about your body language pointing to amicable friendliness besides your flirting tones. “I read the book,” you say. Your gaze turns to Spencer. “Bet you’ve read it too, huh? Morgan said you’ve read every book ever written.” 

“That’s an exaggeration,” Spencer says. 

“But close?” you ask. “I’d love some recommendations. You know. For profiling.” 

“Don’t let her fool you, Reid, she’s well read,” Morgan says. 

“Wait, Gideon doesn’t like you because you laugh?” Spencer asks. 

It’s a socially inept thing to say, he realises after. You lean back in your chair all sweet and soft with your legs crossed, your dark stockings thin at the knees. He’s so, so worried you’re going to be offended and that’s exactly what he needs, a possible friend isolated again by his inability to read the room, but you don’t chew him out. You nudge his leg gently with the toe of your heel. 

“Now who said he doesn’t like me, handsome?” you ask teasingly. 

Spencer regrets the heat that floods his face and neck. 

“It’s complicated,” you add, your smile more than friendly, Spencer can’t work it out. “But don’t worry, I’ll turn him around eventually. It’s one of my many talents.” 

Oh, he thinks. That’s what it is. Spencer’s finally in on the joke. 

[palajae]

my name. | nishimura riki

PAIRING ▸ nishimura riki! x reader

GENRE ▸ detective! au, fantasy! au, high school! au, s2ls, romance, fluff, angst, humor, SLOW BURN

WC ▸ 15.6k

SUMMARY ▸ you supposedly get transported to a different world, where you encounter niki. apparently, you already existed here. note: past tense. so now you’re stuck in an alternate universe and technically, you’re supposed to be dead. 

AKA after facing the truth, you come to the realization that someone was definitely trying to kill you.

AN/NOTES ▸ mentions of death!!!, a murder mystery/whodunit, profanity, mentions of suicide, depictions of murder, a few curse words, violence, blood, dead bodies, some gorey stuff, kissing, nothing too harsh, excuse any typos/misspellings...

wow... i can't believe it but it is finally out... it's been a long time coming lol. with losing several family members and hospital visits over the past year, i wasn't sure if this was ever going to get released. thank you all for your endless (fr) patience and support. happy reading ❤️

a faceless figure stretches out a hand towards you.

you squint but for some reason, you still can’t make them out. the longer you stare, the more you realize it was a person—a blurry vision of a faceless boy. considering the matching uniform to yours, he must’ve gone to your school …was he your classmate? 

you frown. you’ve never seen anyone like him in class before. you stretch out your arm, fingertips barely grazing his- 

the sound of the school bell ringing causes your eyelids to fly open.  you groan, yawning and getting up from your seat by the window by default. 

it wasn’t a nice nap—just one that left you feeling groggy, unsettled, and strangely incomplete. 

you pack up your stuff quietly and leave the classroom alone, not bothering to look for your friends. as you walk down the stairs, you hear your classmates chattering about the weather.you glance outside. 

it was a dreary, unwelcoming kind of rain—part of the reason why you fell asleep earlier in class—and you suddenly feel the urge to get home. as soon as possible. 

you weren’t sure why, but it wasn’t just raining. it started to pour, especially hard, on this spring day. you want to think that was what made your mood all miserable and forlorn. 

not to forget the fact that you didn’t have an umbrella, leaving you no other choice but to throw your hood on and tighten the strings of your hoodie over your school uniform. not exactly the most stylish look, yet it was comfortable enough for you. 

you couldn’t put a finger on the emotion, but you felt out of place, like for some weird reason… you didn’t belong here. like you belonged out of this circle, away from this life and world. 

that feeling always came up when it started to rain, and you always tried your best to suppress it. but it was particularly strong today. 

you shrugged it off though. those “phases” weren’t uncommon, right? 

though you made it halfway out the school grounds by yourself, hyein and hanni catch up to you as you walk. you give them a half-hearted smile, “hey.”

it doesn’t take much for them to notice your off behavior. hyein eyes you. 

“you okay, y/n?” 

you debate internally, reminding yourself that they’re your friends. you can trust them, rely on them. you’re allowed to do that. even more so, aren’t you supposed to do that? 

but the words that come out of your mouth suggest otherwise. you shrug, “it’s nothing. it’s just been a weird day, you know?”

they share a glance before turning back to you, sympathetic smiles on their faces. hanni pats you on the shoulder, “yeah, we get it. you should get some rest at home, y/n. we’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“be careful on the way back! the rain doesn’t look like it’s stopping soon.” she calls out before they continue, leaving you behind—still as soaked as ever. 

you wave before sighing, gripping the straps of your backpack tighter and making your way towards the train station. the sound of the rain almost makes you fall into a daze as you go about your way. all your school stuff and clothes were definitely getting soaked, which probably meant an oncoming cold, but you could’ve cared less. 

the only thing that mattered was going home and sleeping off this weird feeling, so it could become tomorrow and you didn’t have to be in this situation anymore. 

the train station is strangely busy, you figure the downpour was making everyone go home sooner. you bypass several people, almost getting your soaked and stained shoes stepped on several times. all while muttering quiet “excuse me’s” to practically everyone and anyone who cared to listen. 

after what seemed like ages, you manage to make it to your train.  although, the large crowd surrounding the entrance effectively prevents you from getting anywhere. 

you mutter a curse, trying to navigate through the waves of people. you just barely get on before the doors begin closing. letting out a huff in relief, you lean back against the door and slowing yourself a moment to close your eyes in peace. all the seats were obviously taken at that point, so you had no choice but to stand. that’s fine—you end up drifting off anyway. 

you don’t know how long it’s been since you fell asleep. or why you feel even more exhausted when you wake up. but the robotic voice announcing your arrival makes your eyes automatically flutter open. you feel your body getting pushed and shoved around as everyone tries to get out all at once. 

so you grit your teeth and tug down your hood further until you can finally get out. you don’t pay much attention to your surroundings, too focused on not getting knocked to the ground. when you finally stumble out of the crowd onto the station platform, you try to collect yourself while shaking your head. then you frown, 

wait a second-

something solid knocks into you from the side, a rough oof! escaping out of their--mouth?

you’re knocked onto the ground, bottom first. pain shoots into your palms that tried (and failed) to catch your fall—and obviously, your butt as well. 

you groan, eyes flashing in annoyance at your unknown assailant. looking up, you stop at the sight of the… boy in front of you. 

you really have no idea why, but a question immediately pops into your head—

have you met before?

you don’t voice it, but it lingers in the back of your mind. the boy—as far as you can tell, he looks around your age— simply stares at you. he’s in a strikingly similar uniform. 

a flicker of recognition passes in his eyes before you watch his expression grow flabbergasted. he continues to stare at you for a solid minute, while you only stare back in confusion, still on the floor.

“it’s rude to stare, you know.” you finally state with a furrowed brow as you quickly gathering your bearings. 

his only response is a blink.  

it's like the two of you are frozen in time, everyone else getting drowned out in the moment. 

you frown, narrowing your eyes at him. “hello? did you hear me?” you repeat yourself and this time he snaps out of it. 

“y-you’re not supposed to be here.” he gets out shakily, looking around while his hand runs through his dark locks in distress. you cross your arms, “what do you mean? this is my stop…” 

you falter when you remember what you saw earlier. when you got off the train, you took a quick glance at the signs and posts. yeah, this definitely wasn’t your stop. 

that wouldn’t have been a huge issue- if it wasn’t for the fact that you never missed your station, no matter the circumstances.  

“no!” he exclaims and you flinch at the outburst. the boy glances at you again, and this time you involuntarily shiver at the unreadable look in his eyes. 

“you’re…. you’re supposed to be dead.”

your mouth drops open. 

“what a great first thing to say to someone you just bowled over. not even a sorry..” you mutter off, suddenly finding the strength to get up and wipe your hands. 

the boy takes a step back away from you. curiously, you take one forward, towards him. he gestures a hand at you almost aggressively. 

“you’re dead. you died. i swear-“

you hold out your hands in half desperation and half exasperation, “i dunno if this is some dumb prank or something i missed, but i hate to break it to you. i’m not dead. i’m literally right here in front of you. i think i would know if i died or not. i’m-” 

again, that feeling of being out of place washes over you. this time it steals your breath away. 

the strange boy shakes his head. “there’s no way. i know exactly who you look like.”

his next words make your blood run cold. 

“you’re exactly like y/n y/l/n—who died a week ago.” he looks you up and down again, hands curling into fists. 

“who are you? and why do you look just-?”

“because that’s who i am? my name is y/n! now, if you would excuse me.”  

you hold up a hand, you didn’t have the time or patience to deal with weirdos on the street. it did struck a little odd that he knew your name, but then again he must’ve gone to your school and heard of you somewhere. the only thing that unsettled you was his reaction. 

it just seemed too real, like he couldn’t have been that good at acting. 

he grabs your arm to prevent you from leaving. all he does is shake his head again like he’s just trying to reassure himself. you’re about to protest, so utterly confused at what’s happening-how you missed your stop and why this strange boy is saying that you’re dead. none of it makes sense. 

his face looks pale and grim, and you’re sure yours look exactly the same. “you can’t be y/n. and yet, here you are right in front of me.” 

“i will scream like a little girl for help if you don’t let me go at this-“

“p-please. this isn’t a joke. you can’t be here. we need to get out of here—where everyone can’t see you.” 

before you can even splutter a response, he drags you off. 

you can call me niki, his words echo in your head. 

his name rolls off your tongue unfamiliarly. in his states of panic—to which niki kept slapping himself and you kept denying that you were a hallucination—

you ended up introducing yourselves and deciding to find a better place to discuss. more like, niki decided. you soon began to regret that decision. 

all you wanted to do was go home, but this persistent kid you’ve never seen before wouldn’t let you or your conscience go. maybe it was the weird feeling from earlier, but you have the urge to at least hear him out. but when you walked out of that train station behind him, everything was wrong. 

you don’t know how to describe it. it was right but… at the same time, it wasn’t. 

to begin with, you ended up at the wrong station but it led you to the right street to get home. the streets name were the same, but the stores weren’t. 

and the bus stop—the bus driver that had worked there for fifteen years, the one you had greeted for fifteen years, suddenly became an entirely different person. he never missed a day, no matter what occasion it was. 

things weren’t right and you had no idea what was going on. 

following niki, you get lost in your thoughts. you shake your head, clapping a hand over your forehead. maybe… you’re just in a weird dream. a really realistic one, because none of this made sense. it wasn’t raining anymore either, which would’ve been fine, excluding for one tiny detail: the streets were completely dry. judging by the strength of the rain earlier, it really shouldn’t—no, it couldn’t have dried up that fast. 

It wasn’t physically possible. 

you could easily navigate your way around this area because you lived here all your life. and yet, it felt like you didn’t live here. not when this random stranger (only on a first name basis) keeps insisting that you died. 

niki—or whoever—leads you to a very familiar library, the same one where you spent hours studying for your finals. you head in, feeling a bit better hearing the familiar entrance chime. you walk ahead of him to take your spot by the back corner. the fact that this place was essentially the same gave you some comfort.

niki seems surprised, but he doesn’t say anything, only taking the seat across from you. 

“okay.” you start, glancing at the boy with wary eyes. 

“if whatever bs you’re spewing is true, explain.”

he raises his eyebrows. 

“me? explain?” 

you nod and he scoffs, “i think you’re the one who should be explaining. after all, you’re the one that’s supposed to be dead-“

“i’m not dead.” you grit out, rolling your eyes. 

“okay, okay,” he raises his hands in surrender, “but you still need to talk.”

you sigh, rubbing your temples. 

“what do you want me to say? that i got soaked, took the train home, overslept, and then missed my stop? then, i bumped into a weird boy-”

he shoots you an offended look, which you ignore. 

“-who keeps telling me that i died. oh, and the more and more i stay here with you, the more wrong everything gets?” you barely get the last word out before niki leans in, eyes focused intently on you. 

the closer he gets, you more you begin to malfunction. you unconsciously hold your breath, alarm and confusion evident in your eyes. his hand reaches out, slowly, to your head. your body freezes.

his fingers catch a drop of water at the tip of your hair. “sorry. that was bothering me.” 

you exhale, glaring at him. “are you serious?”

“yeah. are you?” 

“no,” you deadpan, “i’m a ghost and i’m haunting you. of course i’m being serious!” 

he gives you an unconvinced look and you roll your eyes, “i’m y/n y/l/n. we live an hour away from the capital. my house is two blocks away in the neighborhood with the broken fountain, and right now we’re at the library that doesn’t open on thursdays.  

you harshly tug off your suddenly dry hoodie, displaying your school uniform. 

“and by the looks of it, we go to the same school.”

his eyes widen as he leans in closer to study your uniform. you shrug away, caught off guard. then you frown, “but i’ve never seen you before at school. how do i know that you’re not some imposter?  that you somehow stole a uniform to get something from me?”

he rolls his eyes while you gaze at him suspiciously.

“obviously not, because that’s dumb.” 

you scoff. 

“i live here. why would i go through all the trouble to steal a uniform to get something from you? besides, what would i need from some-“ 

he glances at you and you tense,  

“-kid like you? you’re the one who came out of the train looking so suspicious, it’s like you appeared out of nowhere,” he counters. 

you place your palms flat on the table, “okay, it’s obvious we aren’t getting anywhere. we both don’t have answers and we’re not even close to one. all i know is that i’m alive,” you shoot him another look, “and that i somehow ended up here. now, can i go?”

there’s a brief pause before niki speaks up, slowly. “i already told you, you can’t be seen. come with me. and keep the hood on.” 

you roll your eyes. who was he to boss you around? 

he grumbles something along the lines of- “don’t want to be seen walking around with a dead person.” 

the only reason you listened was partly due to fear that you would lose your way in this familiar, yet unfamiliar place.   except, you know exactly where he’s taking you. because it’s the same neighborhood you live in. 

“wait,” you call out, “this is where i live.” you point to your house, and niki grimaces. 

“i know. there were police here for days.” 

you stop, unsure of what to say or do. police? at your house? when? 

you stare at your supposed house, suddenly dark and empty. what in the world happened? 

“come on,” niki calls out and you move to catch up. you’re starting to think niki may be telling the truth. 

soon enough, you make it to an unfamiliar house about a street down from yours. as niki unlocks the door, you take the opportunity to study him, trying to recall if you’ve ever seen him before. but when he turns to you, you clear your throat and look away. 

“this is my house,” he tilts his head while opening the door. 

you like the fact that it’s messy. it felt much more homey because of that. it was also a lot bigger than yours, filled with fancy and intricate things. to which you assume this niki guy has more money than he has yet to admit. he tells you to wait in the living room, and he soon returns with a stack of books. 

you pause, “yearbooks?“

he nods, “yeah, our school’s.” 

strangely enough, most of the covers are different than yours at home. 

but everything else is the same, like the name and logo. he pulls out this year’s yearbook and flips through before stopping at a page. 

“that’s me,” he points to the picture of him and you tilt your head, frowning.

“huh. so we are in the same year. but i’ve never seen you in my yearbook—or at school before. i swear i would’ve seen you at least once before...” 

you rub your temples, this whole situation was making your head hurt. none of it made sense. you study his picture, why in the world did he actually look good in his yearbook photo? your eyes shift toward his name, 

nish—

he turns the page before you can finish reading, only to get distracted by seeing familiar classmates in your yearbook. niki stays silent as he flips through pages and you continue to point out your friends and classmates and stare in wonder at the unfamiliar ones- 

ones that you’ve never seen before in your life but somehow their faces are printed on the page, in the same grade and same school as you. 

just like niki. you were actually speechless. 

eventually, he stops flipping eventually and looks at you. you catch his eye and glance down at the page, immediately catching on. you breath hitches. 

“no way—” 

“—and there’s you.” 

it is you. you can confirm, it’s a photo of someone who looks exactly like you. but… it’s not you. 

almost everything is the same, your face and clothes. your hair was cut shorter, and your smile wider for the picture. you were even wearing makeup, for crying out loud. you can only stare at the photo. 

according to niki, this you is dead? 

you look up at him, stomach churning. what in the world was going on? 

the silence lasts until niki finally speaks up with a hesitant tone. “i might be tripping, but have you ever heard of… alternate realities?” 

you shake your head firmly, “don’t even get me started on that-“

he cuts you off, “i know, i know. but just hear me out.” 

you have no choice but to internally whisper a quiet plea of help. he scoots closer, 

“wouldn’t it make sense? there’s really no other explanation. maybe it’s because i watched that spider-man movie recently, but you being from another world would explain how you’re alive right now—when in this world, you’re dead. plus, all the similarities and differences that you mentioned can be chalked up to different timelines—the butterfly effect and stuff like that.”

you don’t know what to say. 

could it actually be?

what other explanation could there be? 

“please say something,” niki mumbles and you release a breath you didn’t even know you were holding. 

“okay. okay. fine. say the whole multiverse crap is true. then how did i even get here? how did i—” 

you do air quotations, 

“—switch dimensions to another world?” 

niki shrugs, “no idea.”

he scratches his head, “it’s weird to think about but i mean, maybe there’s a reason why you came here.”

his voice suddenly gets lower and you shiver, “you know, the timing’s a bit weird that you showed up right after the other you passed away.”

you clear your throat, “let’s not think about that right now. we should probably focus on the whole me being dead thing, right?” 

“what?” 

you glance at him questioningly, “what?”

niki raises an eyebrow. “what’s there to focus on? you died.”

you don’t have to rub it in my face, you mumble under your breath. 

“shouldn’t we be focusing on how to get you back to your world?”

you roll your eyes, “sure, but still, i kinda want to know how i died? i think i deserve to, you know, so maybe i don’t make the same dumb mistake back home.” 

“-if you ever get home,” he corrects and you huff.

“whatever, just tell me. we don’t even know if your dumb alternate reality theory is right.” 

“okay,” niki rubs his hands nervously and you wait in anticipation. 

“well, it actually happened last thursday.”

you swallow. why was your heart rate picking up? 

“at school. on, uh, the rooftop. no one witnessed it, and the cctv was broken so we don’t have any exact answers. but from what I’ve heard,” he gives you a cautious glance, 

“the police are about ready to call it a suicide.” 

at first, you think you misheard him. but the hesitant gaze and pause proves you otherwise. 

at first it doesn’t hit you. but then suddenly you feel sick to your stomach. your hand grips the table for support as you try to take it all in. 

you? 

a suicide at school? 

what about your family, your friends-

“no,” you whisper, shaking your head.  “i… i would never-“

you slam your hands on the table, “i know myself. i would never do that.”

his face is grim and sympathetic, which you can feel the dislike churn in your stomach at that. “i’m really sorry… that’s the current situation. it kinda blew up at school, but everything’s still so recent that nothing is confirmed yet.“ 

unspoken words linger in the back of his head, that he questions if he should say it or not.  

that niki really didn’t know you that well, that you were just another classmate of his. one that he passed in the halls without a second glance back. that the you in his world-

was just a stranger to him. 

yet seeing you, desperate and alive, right in front of his eyes. he doesn’t know what to do or say. so niki watches you bury your head in your hands. and he waits. 

it’s only a couple of minutes later that you look up. his face morphs into one of surprise when he sees your determined expression. 

“niki,” you state carefully and he nods, waiting patiently.

“are you sure that i-i did it?”

you can’t bring yourself to say the word but niki gets it. he sighs, 

“no. no one’s sure. but from what i’ve heard, the police haven’t found any other motives so… a suicide seemed most likely.” the more and more niki talked, the more unsure he got. 

your face hardens. 

“so there’s no proof? the police aren’t doing their freaking job and investigating?” 

his eyes widen—surprised at your sudden outburst—and you sigh, voice falling to a whisper.

“did i really commit suicide? and why do i care so much?” 

something warm falls over your hand and you jump, glancing up.

even for only a split second, his hand covers yours in a sympathetic attempt, “i’m sorry y/n. i wish i had answers but i really don’t know…”

despite the awkward look on niki’s face and overall awkward situation, his words strangely comfort you. 

you bite your bottom lip. “i-i have to get to my house.”

he stiffens, “what?” 

you stare at him, eyes sharp, “if no one else is going to do something, i at least have to.” 

you need to. for yourself. 

niki scoots closer, “y/n, you can’t just-“

“i know. but i need to know. something just-ugh,” you rub your face in frustration, “something doesn’t add up. i have to check. it’s like i can feel it deep within me.”

he sits there wordlessly. when you don’t get a response, you stand up. niki splutters, “w-where are you going?”

you cross your arms, “without or without you, i’m going to my house.” 

he slaps a hand to his face in frustration. “just how stubborn are you?” he mumbles. you hear it and yet you decide to ignore him. 

“thanks for the help i guess,” you give him a (weak) half-smile before turning towards the door 

“wait! you’re being serious?!” 

his desperate voice calls out and you internally debate if you should listen to him or not. slowly, you turn back around, “yeah. do you need something?”

“no, but you do— a plan. especially since the police closed off your house for investigation. plus, most of the evidence would have been taken already.” he clasps his hands together behind his back.

you shrug. “okay, and? i’ll still find a way. i have nothing to lose. i’m not even supposed to be alive.”

he groans loudly and you raise an eyebrow.

“idiot. i’m trying to say that i’ll help you. i-i want to help you.”

“i didn’t ask,” you raise your hands in mock surrender.  annoyed, niki puts his hands on his hips.

“sure, but i know plenty of things you don’t. this is my world. so, are you gonna accept or not?”

“you wish you did,” you retort, yet you can’t help the small smile that grows on your face, “but… i would appreciate it. just be grateful that i’m accepting your dumb theory from a spider-man movie as of right now.” 

niki gulps at the sight. it was the first time he saw you smile since you met. at least, the first smile he saw from the you of an alternate universe. 

“whatever you say,” he holds out a hand, 

“miss imposter.” 

you take it gladly, harshly.  “don’t call me that-“

“my name is y/n y/l/n.” 

you spin around in niki’s chair, having went up to his room to figure out your so called master plan. niki (respectfully) offered to let you stay in his room for the length of your “visit.” 

to which you almost punched him. 

but he explained that there were no extra guest rooms and you were still technically dead, so hiding in his room was the best bet as to not raise any questions. you could take the makeshift bed in the corner of his room as to not raise suspicion. you were surprised yet grateful. 

“i’ll grab extra blankets and pillows. and i’ll sneak you food and whatever you need.” 

“what about clothes and toiletries?”

he yawns, “easy. i’ll steal some from my sisters.” 

you feel bad, but you realize you have no other choice. you were literally stuck here. 

a part of you still wondered if this was a dream. a horrible one, at the least. but while you were stuck here, might as well make the best of it. niki graciously offered and you had no choice but to accept. you almost scoff at the ridiculousness of the situation. 

“so basically, i’m like a secret pet you’re hiding from your parents?” 

“technically… yes,” niki rubs his hands together, and you can only watch the mischievous expression grow on his face.

“but i like to think that you’re like eleven. you’re different—you’re special, like her.”

you hold back a laugh at the words. 

clearing your throat, you try to play it off. “from stranger things? your world has that show too?” he lets out a scandalous gasp and this time you giggle. 

“of course, dude. what kind of world would i be living in if i didn’t have stranger things?” 

“apparently a horrible one,” you snort. 

after the whole living situation was sorted out, you returned to your investigation. 

“so you’re saying the police taped off my house for further examination?”

“uh, yeah? that’s how it works?” he raises a brow. 

you stuck your tongue out at him, “okay,  smartass. then how do we get in?” 

“clearly, there’s only one way: sneak in.” 

“i don’t think this is a good idea?” niki whisper shouts at you and you shush him. 

the sun was barely setting. if anyone knew you, they knew you really couldn’t be deemed as patient of any sort. 

niki watches you struggle up the tree in your backyard. 

obviously, going through the front door was a no go. luckily this house looked pretty much the same as your house, at least from the outside. you knew your parents weren’t home judging by the darkness.  you wondered if they were staying with other family. 

or were they at work? so soon after your death? 

you grimace, now was not the time to be getting in your feelings.

the best (only) option was jumping the backyard fence and going in through your bedroom window. leading to your predicament now.  

you exhale heavily when you find a place to rest, gripping the tree with all your might in hopes that you don’t fall 

you glance down at niki. 

“can you make it?”

he scoffs,  

“easy.” 

it was easy— easy for you to watch niki struggle to get up to your point. 

you were sort of scared the tree wasn’t going to support both your weights, at the way it was trembling slightly. niki makes it though, by the time the sun is well down. 

you can see him sweating heavily and your nose scrunches in amusement,“easy, huh?”

“yeah, for you just standing there and watching me. we don’t have all day, grandma.”

“don’t call me that,” you mutter while stretching out towards your window.

niki’s eyes widen. 

“be careful, y/n.” 

“i got it,” you stretch out a leg to the ledge and your sweaty hands begin to slide from the bark, most likely from exertion. 

without even thinking about it, niki places his hands around your waist to stabilize you. you don’t notice in your concentration to not fall to your death. you certainly didn’t want another dead you. 

your foot clicks the lock, and with a grunt you’re able to push the window open. 

“you got it?” 

“yeah,” you breathe out, clumsily making your way in. you reach out a hand for niki and he takes it, maneuvering his long body in through the small window. 

finally, you can breathe. 

it’s the first time you have the luxury to desperately wish that you were home right now. your real home. you certainly didn’t mean this home, the empty and cold looking one locked up for the police’s investigation. 

after catching your breath, you get up to examine your surroundings. you weren’t not sure what you were expecting. this was the other you’s room. 

all you can think is, at least this y/n was much cleaner than you. 

a part of you feels like you’re invading someone’s privacy. but then you realize that it’s literally your own privacy that you’re invading, with the addition of niki. you actually can’t believe the absurdity of the situation. 

at first glance the room looks pretty normal, an average teenagers room.  not what you expected for yourself, but there’s not much you can see. you turn to niki,

“there’s no shot we’ll get caught right?”

he gives you another sympathetic look, “we’ll keep a look out for the police, but i heard your parents were busy with your other family and funeral preparations, so it wouldn’t be them catching us.”

“oh.”

the air feels so glum, you clear your throat to move on. “guess we should look around?”

he nods and begins to snoop around.  

“wait,” you call out hesitantly. 

niki cocks his head and you cough awkwardly.

“it’s still my room, so like, be careful with what you look through.” 

he rolls his eyes. “yeah. i got it.” 

you gaze at the photos on your shelf, displaying your happy family and friends. it just made you acknowledge how precious they were. it made you miss your friends and family at home even more.  

you’re appalled at the books you read. you shake your head, seriously? you take out one of the books-

“ten days to love,” you voice aloud with disgust written across your face. 

you weren’t one to judge, but what kind of cheesy romance novels were you reading?  

niki opens your closet and you turn at the sound. your eyes widen- 

wait a second, 

your closet with clothes? possibly including…. more personal things? 

you dash over in desperation, praying that niki hasn’t already seen something that he shouldn’t. 

“don’t!” 

his wide eyes meet your panicked ones, shocked at the sudden change of events. he doesn’t move until you push past him, blocking the door from his view. 

“you didn’t see anything, right?” you stare at niki desperately and he furrows his eyebrows. 

“no? am i not supposed-“

“no reason. just being cautious. we can, uh, open it together.”

you carefully examine your belongings inside before deeming it safe for niki’s eyes. you let out a sigh of relief.

he gives you a weird look and you shoot him an exaggerated smile. 

“you can proceed!” 

he mutters something under his breath as you continue your search on the other side of the room. it didn’t seem like there was anything of importance on the shelves. but, after careful examination, you see a glimpse of something. pushing past some folders, your face morphs into a stunned one. 

you pull out… 

a pink teddy bear with hearts? why would this be in your room? 

and even more so, why was it hidden? 

niki calls out your name and you turn around. your mouth drops open. 

“a box of chocolates?“ 

he scoffs, “yeah. stuffed behind some clothes in your closet for some reason.”

“it’s not even the good brand,” you mutter. 

niki laughs, “maybe you had secret admirers from school?” suddenly, you give him a suspicious glance. 

“what makes you say that? you sure you weren’t one of them?” 

he side eyes you, “trust me, you wouldn’t catch me within five feet of you at school.”

you walk over to shove his arm and he only laughs harder. you huff, suppressing a smile on your face as you turn away. but you keep niki’s comment in the back of your mind. 

after a solid thirty minutes, you can feel your resolve waning. there was no sign indicating that you felt suicidal. at least, none that you found after the police probably scrounged through everything. some stuff was suspicious— 

like the teddy bear and chocolates. and some lavish perfume and makeup in the drawers. that just wasn’t your style. but you supposed this world’s you was just different. 

just because you weren’t particularly into those things didn’t mean another you couldn’t be. 

“did i have a diary? what about my phone?”

niki frowns, “the police would’ve taken it. it’s their evidence now.” 

you suddenly get an idea, and it’s probably wasn’t a good one. 

“hey, niki?” you call out. he hums in response.  

“what day and time is it, currently?” 

“uh…” he checks his watch, “sunday. 8pm. why?”

“when does the police station close?”

dummy, most people would say--why would the police station be closed?

luck seemed to be on your side, because you knew especially well from complaints by locals, that your local police station did actually have a curfew. and you could only hope it was the same here.  

niki scratches his head, “in ten minutes? why are-“

his mouth drops open, “no. no. no.” you shrug and he shakes his head adamantly, “y/n, there’s no way that we’re going to sneak in.”

you dust off your hands, “i’m all ears for any other ideas you have.”

you have him at that and he falls silent. after a couple moments, he speaks up albeit hesitantly. “well… i might have a way.“

you grin. “onwards, then.”

“wait, so how did you manage to get access again?”

he coughs, “my friend jungwon is the son of the police deputy chief… so i may have called in for a favor.”

“he managed to sneak in with his dad’s keys and get the files to my case?” you finish.

he nods. 

“illegally?”

he nods again.

you tap your chin, “would we get arrested if we got caught?” 

he shrugs, “probably.”

“good thing i’m not from this world.”

perhaps secretly hanging outside this jungwon’s house was not the best idea, either. he rolls his eyes before offering the file to you.

“do you want to open it?” to your surprise, his voice comes out quite comforting and soft. 

you gulp, “i guess i should.”

you feel sick for the second time that day. luckily, the photo didn’t show too much. not that it made it any better. it was still you, dead. 

you had to look at yourself and imagine yourself in that situation. you cover your mouth and niki immediately takes the file away from you. he watches worriedly as you shake your head.

“i’m fine. i-is there anything else your friend managed to get?”

“are you sure?”

“yes.” he doesn’t protest anymore at the tone of finality in your voice. 

niki pulls out a bag with your name on it. taking a deep breath in, you open it. you shuffle through some things hurriedly until niki speaks up.

“hold on a sec,” he softly places a hand on your arm to stop your actions.

“we should be careful. someone could notice that we tampered with the evidence so we need to be very careful when putting things back. plus, we have to give it back to him as soon as possible—we don’t want them noticing that your stuff is missing.”

you curse, “that’s right. we can’t risk taking anything.” 

“then what?” 

you pinch your nose bridge, “we snap pictures and hope it’s good enough. unless we want to take another field trip here.” 

you manage to snap a few pictures and go through a few things. you catch a glimpse of your diary and flip to the most recent page. it was about a week and a half ago, and-

it wasn’t finished. you skim through it, reading boring stuff about how your day was and how you met-

you squint.

the rest of the words were scratched out, harshly, with a black marker. seeing how it was getting late and dark, you can’t make out who’s name it was even with your phone flashlight. you wonder, could it be-

your thoughts are interrupted by niki. 

“y/n, i think we need to hurry and head home soon. the longer we stay out, the greater risk we’re at for getting caught. oh, and i found your phone.”

he holds it up and the extremely glittery case makes your eyes hurt. you eye it. heaving a deep breath, you prepare yourself to open your phone. 

but when you click the power button and nothing happens, you groan. you try again, and again, holding it down for seconds but the screen remains black.

“the phone’s dead.” you sigh again and niki bites his lip.

“maybe we should give up. we can ask jungwon another time,” he suggests

you nod wearily and he closes the box. as he gathers everything, opening his phone to text his friend to come back out, you glance at the time. it was quite late for a school day. 

“that’s right, you have school tomorrow?”

he groans, “yeah. i guess you’ll just have to stay home in my room. no one will go in while i’m at school, so you don’t have to worry.”

you nod, “okay.”

it felt weird knowing you were supposed to be at home, in bed and preparing to go to school yourself the next day. instead, you were stuck in another world—in a stranger’s room, forced to hide since you were supposed to be dead. 

were you considered missed at home? did anyone notice? call the cops? 

more like, if anyone cared? 

while you get ready for bed in niki’s bathroom, you stare at yourself in the mirror. 

yes, you affirm, you’re alive. 

you’re staring back at yourself, dressed in one of niki’s oversized shirts and basketball shorts. 

but the image of your dead face flashes in your mind and you immediately squeeze your eyes shut. you breathe heavily, hands planted on the sides of the sink. 

everything’s fine. you will get back home. things will figure themselves out. you’re okay. you’re breathing and-

a knock on the door makes you jump.

“y/n? everything okay?” niki’s voice sounds out hesitantly, “it seemed like you were taking a while so-“

the door swings open.

you stand there, face emotionless. he doesn’t say anything, and neither do you. niki tries to keep the image of you wearing his clothes out of his head, but it won’t seem to go away.

“goodnight, niki.” 

you slowly walk over to the temporary bed he’s set up on the floor for you. he blinks, 

“night, y/n.” 

it’s surprisingly comfortable, or maybe you’re just so exhausted you don’t seem to care or question anything anymore. 

you hear light footsteps padding to turn off the lights. 

in the darkness, your eyes close. but your mind is awake.

you know his is too, judging by the sounds of quite shuffling every couple minutes or so.

“niki?” you say quietly.

another shuffle. 

“yeah?”

“this may sound weird, but have you noticed anyone that looked particularly sad?”

there’s a pause. 

“about you?”

“yeah, but not like the typical sadness. like, anyone who seems to have changed drastically after hearing about me? let’s say,” you swallow, “any guys or friends of yours who seemed particularly upset or affected?”

niki rolls to the other side of his bed so that he faces you, but in the darkness he can only see the outline of your figure. “y/n, what are you trying to say?”

you tug the covers over yourself a little tighter. 

“nevermind, niki. have a good day at school tomorrow, and don’t worry about waking me up. you won’t be able to.”

“wasn’t planning on it,” he snorts. 

you fall asleep with a faint smile still lingering on your face. 

the next day at school, niki struggles. he struggles when it’s supposed to be another normal day, and all he can think about is you. 

especially about what you said.

niki never paid much attention before to his surroundings, there was no reason to. but now he keeps an eye open.

he eyed anyone who passed by your locker, empty desk in class, anyone who mentioned your name. but the fact that you mentioned guys specifically, made him confused. 

why did it matter if a guy was upset? a lot of people were shocked and sad at the news. niki shook his head. he didn’t get it. 

meanwhile, you stayed at his home.

thinking. 

thinking about yesterday. somehow everything that happened was all just yesterday. you took the train and ended up here. then you found out you were apparently dead. 

you spent what felt like hours scrolling through the photos you took and waiting for niki to come home. all while eating snacks that niki left for you graciously. 

you don’t even know what time it is when you hear the door begin to open. you scramble to your feet before realizing that there was a chance it wasn’t niki. 

you go back to your hiding spot, shrinking underneath the covers. next thing you know, the bedroom door flings open. you tense.

however, a call of your name allows you to let out a sigh of relief. you hop up, “niki!”

he grins, looking rather cute in his ruffled school uniform, backpack slung off one shoulder. you stop yourself, horrified at your thought. at your face falling, he cocks his head. “what’s wrong?”

you laugh awkwardly, “nothing! nothing at all!” 

he gives you an unconvinced look but doesn’t press further. 

“you must’ve been bored without me.” 

that was the niki you’ve come to know (in the span of a day or so).  sarcasm drips from your lips as you laugh dryly, “sure.” 

but you knew he was right and he knew it too. 

“i spent the day looking through the pictures, but i couldn’t find much else,” you frown. 

“same here. today was pretty normal, no one seemed any different than usual…” 

“i mean, the mood has been somber ever since you,” he pauses, “left. but nothing out of the ordinary.” 

you seemingly deflate, but niki perks up. “i talked to jungwon and he said he’s going to try and get your phone next time. we can only hope that someone charges it or that we can charge it ourselves.” 

you nod, “that’s good.” 

“but, don’t you have work to do? what about your family?”

you realized you didn’t see or even hear of them yesterday. 

“oh, they usually stay late at the dance academy—me included. but my grades haven’t been good recently, so they’ve been forcing me to go to home and study…”

you tsk as niki gives you a sheepish look. 

“you know, while we’re waiting, i’m not too bad at studying myself. what do you need help with?” 

niki rolls his eyes, “thanks, but no thanks. i don’t need another person on my back about my grades.” 

instead, he falls back onto his bed with an oof. 

“don’t worry, i’ll manage. let’s just talk about our next step. 

“step? as in, my case?

“yeah,“ his eyes glint, “i have an idea.”

you were starting to believe he was getting more invested in this than you were. 

“okay—shoot.”

what was the worse thing he could suggest?

“we should sneak you into school-“

your eyes practically bulge as you gape at him. “excuse me? weren’t you the one saying i was going too far with sneaking into my own house and you want me to do what?” 

niki gets up, placing his arms on your shoulders to calm you. strangely enough, it did. 

“hear me out first—we sneak into school at night, bust open your locker, and see what you have. that’s better than waiting for jungwon.”

“don’t you think the police would have already looked through my locker? 

“well, he looks around nervously, “as far as i’ve heard, the police were already mostly convinced the case was closed and didn’t care to check. but, what can i say? rumors are just rumors.” 

you purse your lips. what did you have to lose? being in a different world made you much more reckless than you would have ever thought. but that didn’t mean you were going to be stupid about it.

“fine.” 

niki winces at your tone, but you speak up,

“how in this stupid multiverse crap am i going to break into my own locker? and with cameras all around school?

he smirks and you raise an eyebrow.

“i didn’t miss a whole chem lecture for nothing—“ 

confused, you give him a look as if to say, what in the world are you talking about? 

“who said we had to know the combination?” he takes out a pair of keys form his pocket. 

you gasp in awe, clasping a hand over your mouth.

you gaze at him with wide eyes for a second, causing him to look at you questioningly. 

“you’re actually being smart...” 

his confused expression immediately changes to one of irritation. 

you stand up straight again, “how did you even get those keys? and what about the cameras?” 

he winks and you glance at him, trying to remain expressionless. if there was anything you noticed, it was that niki was actually quite attractive. it made you wonder if he was popular at school…

“it’s a secret. don’t worry about it.” 

“you sure have a lot of secrets, niki. like, is niki even your real name?” you squint accusingly. 

niki chokes on his spit, “how in the world did you know?” 

you falter. “huh? it isn’t?” 

he clears his throat, “anyway, i have to get up early for school tomorrow.” 

you eye him but decide to let it go. niki shrugs, “usually i’m up playing games, but you look like you need the sleep with those eye bags. you aren’t surprised.

“tomorrow night,” he says shortly after. “i’ve got a plan—you just have to trust me.”

turns out said plan was dumb, but you really had no other choice. 

niki made some lame excuse to his teachers about staying late to study- and his teachers, being utterly shocked that he offered to study, immediately agreed to let him linger. 

meanwhile, niki would sneak you in, wearing one of his old uniforms that was too small for him so that just in case, no one would question anything. along with one of his totally inconspicuous baseball caps to hide your face and hair. 

you sigh, you couldn't believe you were sneaking into school through the boys bathroom. you groan while maneuvering through the window. niki shushes you, causing you to stick your tongue out at him. he raises his hands playfully and you resist the urge to smack him. 

on your way to jump down from the window, your left foot gets caught on the ledge. you stumble forward, expecting to be met with the revolting bathroom floor face first. instead, perhaps now was the time to thank the universe (in this case, his universe?) for niki’s quick reflexes.

he inhales, catching you by catching and pulling you towards him instead of the ground, essentially into his arms. 

instead of faceplanting into the ground rather foolishly, you fall into his strangely soft and warm chest. you let out a barely discernible squeak, unable to respond due to the pounding of your heart. 

after a couple of seconds—that felt like forever— niki lets you go with a shake of his head. 

“my god y/n, i had no clue you were this clumsy. please don’t ever do that again.” 

please don’t ever make me sneak into a nasty teenage bathroom again, you wish you could retort. 

you shake your head quickly, lips pressed thinly together. don’t get distracted, you remind yourself.  “yeah-thanks. let’s uh, just hurry.“

you don’t have time to wonder what would the consequences be if you got caught by cameras or anyone else while niki leads you down the familiar hallways. 

“how do you know which one’s my locker? i thought you said we didn’t really know each other?“ you eye him suspiciously.

he scoffs, “don’t get too excited. mine’s just a couple lockers down so i was bound to see you at your locker by some point.” 

he hands you the keys and you gratefully accept—your hands slightly trembling. you didn’t know what to expect. 

niki watches from behind, and you can feel his warm breath on you occasionally, causing you to shiver.

with a slight click and creak of the rusty locker door, the locker opens. you hold your breath at first glance. it’s…. normal? 

normal as in any average high schoolers locker one would expect. what catches your eye first are a couple of photos of you and your friends. 

on deeper inspection of yourself (it was still weird to imagine and even weirder to see) you see a twinkling, intricate chain around your neck. maybe you were tripping (again, but mentally this time) or that necklace you had on seems really expensive? 

“there’s no way,” you suddenly gasp and turn to niki with wide eyes. 

“what?” niki starts to panic, “what is it?” 

“am i actually loaded in this world?” 

niki pinches the bridge of his nose as he shakes his head. “jesus, you scared me. i mean, you didn’t seem like it.. who knows where you got that super expensive, luxury brand necklace? it looks familiar…“ 

you try your hardest not to roll your eyes. of course, niki would know. 

“how much are you talking?” 

he taps his foot on the floor, “well, my mom and sister likes that brand. that specific necklace is specially made since it’s a seasonal limited edition, so it’s somewhere in the thousands-“

you truly forgot how rich niki’s family was, you think with a half joking tch and a shake of your head. niki glances at you, impressed. 

“-whoever gave that to you must’ve really cared.” 

you frown, “sure… or maybe i just really worked hard to get it for myself?” 

he’s shoots you an amused look, “you wanted to get yourself the valentine day’s collection necklace? 

“what?” 

you feel your heart rate begin to pick up, “are you implying what i think you are? 

“yes?” he responds with a raised eyebrow, “someone must’ve been really in love with you to gift you that. maybe your parents or friends?” 

then niki pokes your side playfully, “-or a secret admirer?” 

you don’t answer his question, regardless of if he was being serious or not. you peer into the locker again, “but where is it? it’s so valuable i’m certain we would’ve seen it in the police’s evidence…” 

suddenly, niki grabs your wrist. that’s when you hear the footsteps. you turn to him with wide eyes as he mouths for you to hide.  panicking, you look around in desperation before he pushes you—

straight into the locker. 

your own locker. 

you know you should be freaking out over getting caught, but you could only wonder—could this be considered a crime? 

in the dark, stuffy locker, you see a glimpse of niki’s silhouette run past through the tiny openings of the door. just barely a second later, you hear more footsteps. squinting, you able to discern a familiar, yet weirdly unfamiliar guy. your eyebrows raise. 

no way. park sunghoon was in this world too? 

you hold your breath when you hear him call out, “is someone there?” 

really, curse niki for shoving you in your own locker. yet it was also a smart move as no one could see into your locker, but you were able to see out. 

“sorry. that was me, pres.” 

it was niki’s voice. 

you can barely see his relaxed demeanor appearing to face sunghoon. 

“i was staying back to study and catch up on work—you know already,” he adds hastily. 

sunghoon nods coolly, “i was just checking. making sure everything’s good before leaving.” 

niki was a little too good at acting, you questioned how often he had done this to those around him. he fake salutes, “i promise to clean up after i’m done. no need to worry, class president.” 

“alright, see you later.” 

you have a sigh of relief as sunghoon turns to leave. 

but you swear, for a split second, his expression changes as his eyes fall on your locker. 

your heart rate picks up. did he notice you? 

however, sunghoon leaves without a second look back. 

you frown—what was that? 

after waiting a minute to be safe, niki quickly lets you out. only to be greeted by your displeased face and crossed arms. 

“that was the only thing i could think of in the moment!” he immediately defends himself. 

“seriously? i could’ve-like-“ you trail off and niki smirks.

“see? nothing bad would’ve happened.”

“doesn’t change the fact you stuffed me in my locker. it’s not even mine, for crying out loud.” 

“whatever. just be glad you didn’t get caught by park sunghoon, our school’s super rich, smart, and handsome-“

“i know him from my world. he’s irrelevant, let’s continue on.” you wave him off. 

you can’t help but compare him to niki. niki was way more genuine and… boyish in a way? he felt real. you preferred that. not to mention he had a much more tolerable presence, you supposed. 

everything else in the locker was useless. random crappy notes, perfumes and hand lotions, along with the pictures you already inspected were the only things that decorated your locker. no sign of that ridiculously expensive necklace. 

you rub a hand over your face in exasperation. “that’s it…”

one thought still lingered in the back of your mind. where was the necklace? 

“hey, y/n, i think we should get going soon. the lights are going to turn off soon-they’re automatic and we didn’t bring any flashlights.” 

you sigh. next time. 

it feels like you’ve hit a dead end. by the end of the week, niki has caught up on his studies. you were surprised to find that he was quite dedicated to school, even if it didn’t seem like it. 

the days that niki came home with a pile of schoolwork and other duties, you went out to think—with one of niki’s hoodies and a mask on. but the times you spent with niki since you couldn’t go out much, mainly at night, were nice. 

tutoring him at subjects he was struggling in, learning new dances together (and learning how talented he really was), simply being around him was enough to distract you from your impending crisis. 

niki always came to keep you company and bring you food. you really were his eleven. 

niki was gaming while you sat off to the side, watching him play. you admired his side profile, the shine from the bright computer screen enhancing his features, the furrow of his eyebrow as he focused. 

he yells as his character dies and you can’t hold back your laughter, “you kinda suck-“

all of a sudden, you hear a knock on the door. 

“bro, you good? i swear i heard another voice-“

the door handle begins to turn.

you and niki share a look of panic. 

your first instinct is to dive and roll, underneath niki’s bed. you ignore the fact that it’s as dusty as you’d expect for a teenage boy’s room and hold your breath. 

“mom said dinner is ready. also, what’s with all the noise? it sounded like someone else was in the room with you.” a girls voice—niki’s older sister, you presume. 

“nope. just me.” 

you cringe at the fact that niki’s voice is octaves higher. it wouldn’t be that much of a problem if his voice wasn’t as deep as it normally was. 

“it was just probably the video i was playing.” 

“…sure,” you hear his sister’s footsteps as she leaves and shuts the door behind her. 

you let out an exhale of relief. 

“y/n?” you hear soon after. 

“under here.” 

you turn to see niki’s head peeking down underneath the bed. 

you meet his curious eyes. cute. 

“jeez.” he holds a hand out and you gladly accept it, letting him pull you up with ease. huffing, you dust yourself off. 

“jeez, indeed. who knows what horrors you’ve been hiding under there.”

“hey,” niki defends himself, “i’ll have you know i am a very clean person and don’t-“

“oh really? then what’s this?” you hold up the sacred item, jerking your hand back as he reaches out to snatch it. 

“hey! haven’t you ever heard of privacy?” 

he lunges again as you laugh, just keeping it out of his grasp. however, you feel the bed frame hit your legs, and you gasp. 

you fall back, niki over you on his bed. he must’ve underestimated his arm-span and overestimated yours. 

niki lands over you with a soft grunt, eyes wide. you peer up at him wordlessly. his arms catch him, but it’s still so close you can feel his hair tickle your forehead. 

is this what the movies mean when your heart… skips a beat? 

niki snaps out of his trance, “s-sorry,” he hastily gets up. you cough, trying to dispel the stuffy atmosphere. 

“so, uh, i had an idea.”

“yeah? what’s up?”

“i was thinking we look at the evidence again. i just want to double check something.”

“come on,” you take niki’s hand. it was habitual by this point. 

“you got the charger, right?”

niki nods, taking it out of his pocket. 

it was risky asking niki’s friend to retrieve the evidence for you again, but you needed to confirm your suspicions. or, hit a dead end. 

when niki returns, carefully holding a plastic bag (and dinner, your grumbling stomach reminds you), your eyes zero in on one thing. 

“thanks. i know it must be hard for your friend to sneak behind his dad’s back like that.” 

“it’s fine,” niki shrugs, “i promised to buy him lunch for the next week.” 

you snort as you take out “your” phone and plug it into the charger. 

“okay. now we wait.” 

niki looks at you expectantly, and you only stare at him back. subconsciously, a hand raises to your face. “is there something wrong?”

he shakes his head while looking away sheepishly, “nothing, nothing.”

you open your mouth to question him further, but the phone screen flashes. you scramble to open it. thankfully you were able to use your own face id. 

as soon as you scroll through your messages, your stomach sinks. you raise a hand to cover your mouth. 

“what?” niki jumps up, “what did you find?”

you open the photos app, which only confirms everything. you drop the phone, and that’s when niki sees it. 

“oh my god.” 

“don’t even-“

“i was secretly dating park sunghoon?!”

you cup a hand over your mouth. “i think i’m gonna be sick.” 

niki scoffs, taken aback. “b-but how? you- and him-?”

you rub a hand over your face. “don’t ask me. but the valentines gifts and necklace were so suspicious, i started wondering… i just didn’t expect it to be him.” 

niki notices the sour expression on your face. 

“oh. you don’t like him?”

you shake your head vehemently, “bro, not even if he and i were the last two people on earth.”

you think about your world’s sunghoon and almost shudder. he was selfish, arrogant, could but would never keep a girl for more than two weeks. yet the whole class still loved him and you never understood it, never understood the appeal of him. 

besides getting bro-zoned, niki relished your words. 

“good to know.” 

“i wish i didn’t,” you sigh.

but that was besides the point. you still didn’t know how it all added up. did sunghoon—unfortunately, your boyfriend in this world—have anything to do with your death? did he really get you that expensive necklace? 

and as much as you wanted to deny it, you couldn’t rule it out. thinking as rationally and fairly as possible, suicide was likely-as much as you didn’t believe it. you couldn’t rule it out simply based on a feeling. plus, his expression when he passed by your locker lingered in your mind. 

“so, now what?” niki watches you carefully. 

“you’ve heard of the saying, keep your friends close but your enemies closer, right?”

“yeah,” he cocks an eyebrow, “why?”

“well, i’ve got a task for you.” 

niki has never spoken a word to your friend group in his entire life. the most he’s ever done was send a cold look their way and pretend not to know them out in public. 

he had nothing against them—nothing against your choice of friends—but he preferred not to associate with your group. he couldn’t put his finger on it, but he just didn’t vibe with them. 

and yet here he was, talking to your “friends” because you asked him to. he sighed, the things he did for you. 

danielle looks him up and down with her arms crossed. “why are you asking about y/n? since when did you care about them?”

“please,” he sighs in exasperation, “i just need to know if anyone disliked y/n or was acting suspicious around them.”

haerin steps up, an annoyed frown on her face. “there’s no one. can’t you tell this is a touchy subject for us? now, leave us alone.” 

she grabs danielle and walks off, angrily whispering into a distressed looking danielle’s ears. 

niki wants to punch someone. besides the fact that surrounding people were catching onto his conversation and whispering about the interaction, he essentially got nothing out of it. 

you were also at a dead end. after scrolling through hundreds of disgusting texts and photos of you and sunghoon, there was nothing remotely suspicious. plus, you had to give your phone back to jungwon soon before anyone noticed it was missing. 

everything seemed normal. everything was normal. normal until this world’s you suddenly died. 

the only lead you had was the missing necklace. and yet where were you supposed to find it? it could be anywhere—in the police’s hands, with sunghoon, most likely gone. 

you couldn’t even go out on your own, you felt like a hopeless rapunzel trapped in her tower, desperately wishing for answers and freedom. it was starting to get to you. the stress, homesickness, and most of all, loneliness. 

you throw your phone to the side and bury your face in your hands, trying your best to focus on your breathing. you almost don’t realize how long it’s been until you hear a faint call of your name. 

“y/n? y/n, what’s wrong?” niki drops his backpack and rushes to your side. 

his eyes carefully examine your body, checking for who knows what. you slowly lower your hands, revealing your bloodshot eyes and tear stained face. 

what scared niki the most was the lost look in your eyes, a deep and dark pool void of any emotion. 

“niki… i don’t think i can do this anymore,” your words float out carefully, like a whisper of the wind. 

“i’m trying my hardest, but it’s so frustrating. i miss my home, i miss my life. i miss myself.” as soon as the words leave your mouth, you feel yourself break down. and right as you do so, niki reaches forward to wrap you in an embrace. 

“i want to go home,” you whisper in an small voice. 

his heart almost breaks at the sight. you sounded like a little kid—you looked like you were a little kid again, as small and curled up you were when he found you. in his eyes, he saw a lost child looking for their parents, their guidance and their own light in the world. 

he resolves to never be the cause of your pain again. 

niki holds you for the entire night as you cry and drift off to sleep. 

you wake up with a headache and a dry throat. you feel hungover, although you’ve basically never drank alcohol before. 

somehow, you’re not sure exactly when, you ended up in niki’s bed. as soon as you’re able to sit up, your eyes fall on the clock on the bedside table. 

11 am. niki must be at school still, you note. 

you wonder what he’s up to, if he was being a good student while you were stuck all alone at his home, skipping your own school. you wonder what life is like back at home. did time even pass? 

niki heads home as soon as the bell rings. he wanted to see you, to comfort you and reassure you. he wanted you to be okay. 

when he knocks on his own bedroom door and there’s no response, he frowns. all there’s left is a pink sticky note on his desk. 

went out for fresh air. don’t worry and don’t look for me. 

niki immediately drops his stuff and runs out. he goes to the train station, the bookstore. he even goes back to school, for crying out loud. 

he’s breathless and exhausted by the time he’s arrived back home. niki knows his family won’t be back. it was competition season, which meant the busiest time of the year for the other dancers. you were the sole reason he attended school at this time of the year, studying hard instead of skipping and dancing 18 hours each day. 

he’s scared. 

niki hasn’t felt this feeling in a long time—he can only recall the time where he was six and went to disney world. his older sister was pressuring him into riding one of the larger roller coasters, and he felt that sickening nausea fill him as he looked up at the towering structure. 

he almost gives up. he basically has, until he notices something strange. his balcony door is unlocked, and he always kept it locked for safety purposes.

tense, niki reaches out and slowly turns the handle. what greets him is certainly not what he expected. 

you sit on the balcony railing, hanging over the edge quite precariously with your feet swinging. one slight mistake and you would fall. 

you stare down at the passing cars, cloudy and dreary skies showing you it was soon to rain.

niki stares at you, and you turn around at the sound of the door to stare back, not a single word exchanged. 

then you finally break the eye contact, glancing down at your stilled feet. “i wasn’t going to do it.” 

he silently moves closer, hopping next to you on the railing as well. “okay.” 

you don’t see the tender way his eyes travel over you. your voice is quiet as you speak up, “you don’t have to say anything.”

“okay,” niki repeats. 

it’s not said in a sarcastic way. it’s not sad, either. it’s just..... soft. soft and understanding enough to make a blanket of comfort fall around you, to make it known that niki’s presence is here by your side.

suddenly, the rains starts and niki asks if you want to go down. you slowly nod and he helps you safely off the railing before opening the door for you guys go out in the rain. 

the rain doesn’t stop. 

and niki doesn’t stop either. he grabs your hand, dragging you along with him haphazardly. 

“where are we going?” you ask breathlessly. 

“out. like most people our age. we’re still kids.” 

“wow, i had no idea,” you mutter sarcastically. 

he holds back a smile of relief. good to know you were still your usual self. 

“you need a break. you’ve been so caught up in this case, you need to rest.”

“but-“

“come on,” he leads you on, “relax. it’ll give you a clear mind, so we can come back with a fresh start.” 

you’re hesitant until he pulls up at an arcade. “what if someone sees me? what if they-“

niki places a finger over your lips, silencing you. “we’re here to have fun like everyone else and not give a crap about anything else. now, are you gonna play or are you gonna get your butt kicked by me?”

a challenge was a challenge. 

you laugh at niki’s rambunctious side, yelling as he tries to cheat during competitive games and fight over the better toy gun. 

“just so you know, i technically won.” 

you playfully shove him, “in your dreams. you’re just saying that because you don’t want to-“

you get cut off by the loudest (and most embarrassing) grumble of your stomach. you both look down at your stomach. you look back up, petrified. 

niki almost cackles, “i guess that’s a sign.”

“it’s not my fault i fell asleep before eating yesterday,” you pout. 

“what do you want to eat?”

“anything. i’m serious.” 

niki watches with a fond smile as you quite literally inhale your food. 

“eat any faster, and you’ll make a new record.”

you flip him off as he laughs, putting more food onto your plate from his. you can only watch wordlessly, feeling your heart warm. after you finish eating, niki takes your hand again. you glance at him questioningly. 

“there’s one last thing i wanted to do,” he mumbles while avoiding your gaze. 

“how’s this one?”

you scrunch your nose in distaste at the sight, reaching to place red devil horns on niki’s head.

“i think this one fits you more.”

as he grumbles, you laugh. 

“fine, but i get to choose yours.” 

he ends up picking a frog headband for you—which you complain to no avail. his reasoning was, “you remind me of a frog. like the princess and the frog.”

you splutter, “but that means-“

“yes. i’m the princess.”

“obviously,” he adds. 

in the photo booth, you sit awkwardly. niki cocks an eyebrow. 

“i’ve never done this before, so…"

instead of teasing you like you originally assumed, niki only brings you closer. he wraps an arm around you while posing for the camera. you’re frozen, even as the countdown starts. you can barely manage a smile as the camera flashes. 

“what now?”

niki glances at the screen, “we still have three more pictures. what poses do you want to do?”

you’re at a loss for words. 

niki leans closer again. he makes a half heart with his hand as he looks at you expectantly. “how about a heart pose?”

“o-okay.”

you never felt so suffocated in that photo booth. and yet, you’ve never laughed harder. you’ve never been so happy in your life with someone else.  

“hey, this photo came out good!”

“but what happened to the first one?”

you both lean in to get a closer look at the photos that printed, and you end up feeling niki’s breath on your cheek. 

it was warm. it was nice to have someone so close to you and still feel comfortable. it was nice to know you were close enough to someone to feel that way. 

it was something you had never felt before. 

“..-y/n?”

“huh?” you snap out of your trance.

“i said, you can keep this copy.” 

you look at the pictures and then at niki. “what? no, it’s fine-“

“i said keep it,” he forcefully shoves the photo into your hand as he quickly heads over to the cashier to pay. 

you stand there for a minute, looking at the photos. you guys looked happy. you guys looked good…together. like you were a real couple, or something. you internally chide yourself while taking off your headband. what a silly thought, you brush off. 

on the walk back home, you feel utterly satisfied, humming as you match your pace with niki’s.

“when we arrive, i’ll let you in through the back, just to be safe.”

“whatever you say, mr. responsible.” 

he ruffles your hair and you swat his hand away in annoyance.

that night was the first night you’ve felt content. almost like you could stay here—like you belonged. you stare up at the dark ceiling, reflecting on the days events. 

“niki?”

you hear his bed shift. “yeah?”

“i just wanted to say thanks. for everything. you’ve been providing everything for me, all while helping me on my case. i’m grateful for everything. i don’t know how, but i promise to pay you back one day.”

“what’s with the sudden sappiness?” his tone is teasing, but light. he clears his throat to add, “but yeah, of course.”

“i dunno, i guess i’m just not used to this type of treatment back home.”

“what? what do you mean?” 

even in the dark, you can feel inquisitive stare on you. 

“i mean, i’m usually left on my own since my parents are working. and my friends, well, they’re nice and all…”

“but you don’t feel a true connection?” he finishes, and you roll over.

“yeah. i don’t really know what my friends are like in this world. who even are my friends? do i even have any?”

niki grimaces. 

“uh, yeah. i don’t know if they exist in your world, but have you heard of danielle? and haerin?”

“nope. what are they like?” 

he shifts again, and the bed creaks. “you see, i don’t really talk to your friend group. it’s nothing personal, i just don’t want to associate with them.”

“dang, maybe it really is just a me problem, in every life too.” 

you hadn’t thought about hanni and hyein since you got here. but danielle and haerin were two new leads. a new start, perhaps. 

now that you had more information from niki, you started your research again. specifically, insta-stalking. 

your specialty. 

niki hands you his phone with a suspicious look when you casually ask for it. you pray he doesn’t hear the sound of blood rushing in your ears or the pounding of your heart. 

as he goes to do his night time routine, you quickly tap on the instagram app and search up danielle’s name. it doesn’t take long for you to find her account since niki followed her. checking to make sure he didn’t come out of the bathroom, you scroll through her feed. 

and your heart stops when you see it. in the corner of a photo—a picture of her and haerin posing at school in front of their lockers. 

that’s your ridiculously expensive bracelet on danielle’s arm. you’re sure of it. 

you felt yourself grow nauseous as you quickly turn off niki’s phone as soon as you hear the door turn. 

“hey, are you okay? you look like you just saw a ghost..”

you blink and smile, peeking at him innocently, although the dread grows in the pit of your stomach. “huh? no. what are you talking about?”

“what were you doing on my phone?”

you look away sheepishly, “trying to see if i could call my mom?” maybe niki’s acting skills were rubbing off on you. 

“oh, and?” 

you shake your head, a fake grim expression plastered on your face. 

that night, you lay awake staring into the darkness. when you hear niki’s soft snores, you sneak over to his bedside table to retrieve the key. you know you shouldn’t, but you felt this was something you needed to do alone. 

you feel like you’re on the edge of the cliff, about to jump into the water. the adrenaline filled you, you were right there-

it was so close.

the next day, you have to pretend everything is okay. you smile when niki greets you good morning, even peck him on the cheek when he tells you he has to stop by the dance studio for the night. 

he visibly blushes, stuttering on his words, “w-uh, w-what was that.. for..?”

you shrug, “i’m just proud of you for getting your grades up. it’s your first time back dancing in a while so have fun, okay?” 

he nods, beaming as he squeezes your hand goodbye. as he leaves, your smile fades. it felt too normal. it felt too right to imagine having a life with niki, like this everyday.

and knowing what you knew now, it was wrong. it was wrong from the start, and yet you couldn't help yourself fall even deeper. you had to get back into the right mental state. you couldn't keep deluding yourself.

it was time to confront the truth.

you can’t believe you’re sneaking into through the school boy’s bathroom again. the locker key safely stored in your pocket, you find danielle’s locker. the same one from the photo she posted. 

this had to be the one. you can only hold your breath and hope as you unlock it. 

you quickly scramble through all the stuff, looking for the shiny bracelet. you don’t find it, but when you go to close the locker door in defeat, a crumpled up piece of paper falls onto the floor. 

you huff, taking it and opening it up. it’s a picture of sunghoon, you, and danielle, all smiling as you three posed for the camera. but it wasn’t just an ordinary picture—there was a big, red “X” scribbled over your face, with the words “finally done” written next to it. 

and hearts next to sunghoon’s face. 

horrified, you clap a hand over your mouth. 

during a break at the dance studio, niki doesn’t expect to open his instagram app and see danielle’s instagram show up on his recently searched. frowning, he taps on the account. he never cared to pay attention to danielle, so why was her account the last thing searched up? 

just out of curiosity, he scrolls through her recent posts. 

and then he sees it. something that is so hard to miss. it’s so strikingly familiar. 

he rushes home. when niki bursts through the front door, he doesn’t expect to find you missing. and when niki notices his old school uniform and cap gone, his heart drops. 

you sit on the floor next to the lockers  with your head buried on top of your knees. you’re sure you could get caught, but you don’t care. 

the crumpled picture feels heavy in your pocket. 

you stay there, staring at the walls until you see the moon shining brightly outside one of the windows. you haven’t eaten or drank anything the whole day. you’re not sure how long it’s been. 

“y/n!” 

great, now you were hearing things as well? 

furious footsteps stomp towards you.

“why did you leave without telling me? you could’ve gotten caught-it could’ve been dangerous?!”

“n-niki?” your eyes widen. 

before saying anything else, he pulls you up to your feet. 

“why would you come to school without me?”

for some reason, his words sting. you cross your arms, “what? like i can’t take care of myself?” 

he groans, “that’s besides the point! if someone saw you—“

“i don’t care! so why do you care so—“

a sound from down the hall cuts you both off. you turn to niki in panic and he curses. “the custodian comes on weekends to clean.”

you hold back a yelp as niki grabs your wrist and pulls you along in the opposite direction. 

he pushes through a door and turns to the left. you don’t stop until you’re inside the.. natatorium? 

“why are we-“

“there are no cameras here, unlike in the school building. i thought you would’ve known that.”

after he speaks, there’s an awkward silence. 

niki sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “well, are you gonna tell me?”

you feel the frustration flow through your veins, “and what about you? you tell me why i have to let you know my every location? why i feel like i can’t take care of myself, l-like a sick, old dog who can’t go anywhere or do anything? i’m sick of it all!” 

“you don’t understand,” his voice raises,  and you interrupt him, getting closer and closer to him. 

“you’re right, i don’t. i don’t understand why you helped me in the first place. you say that you barely knew who i was, yet here you are acting like you care! like you cared about the dead me!”

at this point, his face is so close to yours, you can feel your breaths mix as neither of you back down. 

“i do care! of course i care! about you, standing right in front of me!” he clenches his fists. your eyes linger on a single vein on his neck that sticks out due to the intensity. the fire burning in his eyes, your trembling voices, it all makes you falter. 

you don’t know what you asked. you know the truth. niki always cared—more than cared. he always went out of his way to search for you, like the day on the balcony and today. he wanted to find you, he wanted to have you in his life, 

you realize it now. to put simply, he wanted you. 

and this was the first time you felt wanted. 

you don’t know what else to do, so you lean in and close the gap to kiss him. and if anything, niki immediately pulls you closer to him. 

when you break apart for air, his dark eyes still staring deep into yours, you think he’s gonna lean back in again. but you hear a faint voice sound, growing louder. your eyes both widen. the janitor.

without a second thought, niki pushes you. 

he does it lightly, although it’s still enough to make you lose your balance, and for a second you stare back at him, betrayal evident before you fall backwards—

straight into the pool. 

your eyes just barely peek open in the water, and then there’s a splash accompanying yours a few seconds later. 

he easily swims to you, cupping your cheeks and bringing your lips to his once more. it was a much different experience from just a few seconds ago. 

you stay entwined like that together, eyes squeezed shut, until you actually can’t breathe anymore and you have to smack niki’s arm. you both rise to the top, heaving water and air. 

after a few seconds of coughing and gathering your bearings, niki’s raspy voice fills the air. 

“at least he’s gone. i’ve always wanted to do that.”

you roll your eyes, splashing water back at him in revenge for pushing you earlier. “seriously? after we got almost got caught? we could’ve drowned!”  

you splash him again, “also, you could’ve given me a heads up!”

he grins, wiping the running water free from his face. “and where’s the fun in that?”

you shake your head in amazement, “you’re actually an idiot. i can’t believe you, niki.” 

“an idiot who saved us from getting caught.”

after returning home together, you sit and enjoy the peaceful silence as niki dries your hair. your mind can’t help but replay the last few moments, from finding the picture at school to kissing niki, and then finally get pushed into the pool. specifically, the kissing part. 

growing sleepy at the soft and warm feeling of niki’s hands running through your hair, you almost don’t hear him when he says, “all done.”

you thank him and he looks around awkwardly. 

“what is it?” you squint at him. 

“well, i wanted to apologize. i didn’t mean to make to feel that way. i was just really worried about you, and i felt hurt you didn’t tell me why you snuck into school again today. did you not trust me? did i do something wrong?”

you soften, eyes falling to the floor. 

“i’m so sorry, niki. i didn’t mean to lash out on you. of course i trust you, i just wanted to do something for myself for once. without needing your or anyone else’s help.” 

you exhale, “the reason i left today was for this—“ you take the damp, crumpled picture and unfold it as best as you can. 

niki’s hands fall to his side. “oh god.”

“it was danielle. she took my bracelet and i-i think she wanted my boyfriend. i know it has to be her.”

“w-what? but how?”

you shake your head. he goes to hug you. 

you feel tears brimming at the corner of your eyes, but you won’t waste any tears on her. you pull back to look at niki, with a determined expression on your face. 

“you have to catch her and make sure they get what they deserve.” 

niki stares at you deeply, “are you sure? because if you are, i won’t stop.”

he wonders why you say you and not we.

at that, you falter. 

“no. i never be sure because she is—was my best friend and i will always hold that guilt in me. but you have to do something about it.” 

niki’s hold around you tightens, “and what about you?”

you smile, albeit sadly. “you know i can’t stay here, hiding away forever. i don’t belong here. i already existed in your world, and at some point, i have to leave soon. i can feel it.” 

it was the same feeling as when you first came here. that day you felt off. the feeling that you don’t belong anywhere, but this time, you feel fulfilled. complete. like you were ready to go back home. 

“it’s not something i can explain, but i know it,” you look at him with determined eyes. 

and he looks back at you with pained ones. 

niki is able to convince jungwon to get his dad to reinvestigate the case again. the picture is given up as evidence, and danielle and haerin are taken in. 

the day they confessed out of guilt, you and niki celebrate by sneaking onto your school’s rooftop. the same place where it all started.

it’s a cold and windy night, but you could care less about getting sick. because it was your last day anyway. 

you didn’t tell niki, but you had a good feeling—like the world was patting you on the back and saying, “you worked hard.” 

the two of you watch the stars, snuggled up and reflecting on how your lives came to be like this. wondering how far away apart your worlds were. 

you kiss niki’s cheek, wishing to remember the feeling of being in his arms forever. his scent, his touch, his warmth, you wish you could keep all of it. you smile at him, willing back the tears. 

“there was a reason i bumped into you that day, of all people. there was a reason you came into my life, and i came into yours, niki.” 

he bites his lip, “y/n... you changed my life. every day with you was better than the last.” 

if this was a dream, you wouldn’t want to wake up. you trace his face, so it will remain ingrained in your mind forever, even when you go back to your world. 

“what will happen when i leave?” you whisper. 

“how will you even get back home?”

you shrug, “i don’t know how, but i know that i will.”

niki laughs, “that’s the y/n i know.”

as he kisses you once more, a star falls across the sky. 

the next day, you find a ticket in your bag. a train ticket. 

you don’t recall having bought one, and you don’t question niki. you only ask him to take you to the train station.

while walking hand and hand, you reminisce on the past month or so. “will we still remember this once you go back to your world?”

your body trembles, “i don’t know.”

“then… will i ever see you again?”

you don’t want to meet his eyes, because you know you’ll cry. 

yes, you want to say. instead, you say, “ i don’t know.”

niki wipes a stray tear on your face. you don’t even know how you reached your stop already. 

“this is it,” he says. 

but neither of you move. 

“don’t worry, even if i don’t remember you, you’ll always be in my heart. we’ll meet in your world,” he reminds you while the tears start falling down both of your faces. 

“don’t forget that there’s another me out there to annoy you. you just need to search hard.” 

you sniffle, playfully pushing him away as you furiously blink away the tears that blur your vision. you needed to soak up the sight of him as much of him as you could.

“i promise i’ll find you again.” 

he holds onto you until the very end, until you slip out of his grasp once more.

crossing the platform into the train while giving him one last, slow wave was painful. the last thing you can think of is the fact that you never knew. you never asked for niki’s full name. his real one. 

you never knew niki’s name.

and then everything fades into nothing. 

that’s the last time niki ever sees you. the train passes by in a flash, blowing his bangs across his face while he tries his best to keep that fake smile on his face for you—all for you before you go. 

then, you’re gone. 

in those seconds as the train passes, niki knows exactly why he did it. why he helped you through all of it, through everything together. 

all because you were there in class. you never looked at him, but he looked at you. he saw all of you, everyday—even if you didn’t know it. all your quirks and habits that he couldn’t help but find cute. you made his days interesting. 

but he was the coward for never approaching you. that was his fault because one day, you weren’t there anymore. 

and he had to pretend like nothing happened. on the outside, that’s how it was. even if he felt the slightest connection, tiniest pull towards you, you were still strangers. 

you were strangers until you knocked into him on the train platform. 

niki had to be selfish. he thinks it could have been fate that he saw you again, but now he’s just left with the lingering regret and feelings. those memories flash past like the train does. they come and go in the blink of an eye- a split second. 

when the train is gone, niki frowns and wonders why he’s standing there. 

he also wonders why it feels like there’s a piece of his heart missing. 

after that, he attends your funeral in his world. it was an open funeral to everyone who wanted to come- classmates, friends, and him. niki didn’t even know you that well, but he get this unexpalaniable urge that he should go- he needs to go. he brings flowers and gets to see you one last time. 

when niki sees the picture of your serene face, he can’t help but get this sense of peace, like everything’s resolved. 

and then he’s free.

epilogue...

you sigh, trudging along the walkway on the way to work. looking at your surroundings, you were getting major deja vu. but at this point, you were used to having episodes like that. 

there were many, many times where some things simply felt so familiar. but it was like your memory was wiped and you couldn’t remember why. some times you had flashes of an adventure, a feeling of mystery, a boy. 

ever since some day in high school, it just happened. and from then on, you’ve always felt like something was missing. or wrong. you can’t tell. it became a part of you, to the point where you almost forgot about it. that feeling of misbelonging, being just out of reach. it’s strange, like a weird occurrence that makes you want to open your third eye or whatever to find out more.

even after graduating, it never left you. 

you being so lost in your thoughts, fail to notice when you bump into someone coming off the train you were about to get onto. 

“i’m sorry,” you quickly apologize, but you soon falter when you meet eyes with sparkling brown ones. weirdly enough, they draw you in. 

they were familiar, you’ve certainly seen them somewhere. the moment lasts for a while, with the two of you standing still in the middle of the passway, staring at each other.  

you slowly smile, extending a hand. “i apologize if i’m mistaken, but have we met before?”

he stares at you too, confused yet enthralled. 

“i-i think you may be mistaken,” he starts hesitantly and you begin to apologize. 

“are you sure?“ you quickly introduce yourself, “and you?”

you swore you were not such a desperate person, but you couldn’t help it, not this time and definitely not in front of this particularly alluring guy.  

“me?”

he takes a quick glance at you before taking your hand with a small smile. 

“my name is nishimura riki.”

first i wanted to say thank you for reading! this was a rough time coming, and i wanted to apologize for the long wait. this has actually been a wip of mine for years and i finally was able to finish it with riki after months and months of writing. this past year has been the worst one so far, but i'm just grateful to still be here. just feeling super appreciative for those who stuck with me and waited patiently. thank you. can't wait to see you guys again soon with the next oneshot (hint hint)!

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[inkdrinkerworld]

Hiii i just saw your post prision Spencer post with sunshine reader and im soooo in love with it (and in love with him too tbh) could you please do a pt2? Have a nice day💕

spencer and sunshine!reader have set routines on office days and spencer likes flirting pt 1 of their story 🤭

“Spencer Reid, prepare to have your mind blown!” You announce as you walk into the bullpen, your Mary Janes clacking against the tiles. You’re in a skirt today, Spencer supposes it’s because it’s a designated office day- there’s only three a month, but every time there is one, you come in an outfit Spencer would never even dream of. 

Today you’re channelling your inner Elle Woods. He knows about her from Resse Witherspoon, but also from your innate love of the film and the fact that you forced him to watch it on the jet once. 

You’re wearing a pretty black skirt, a grey top and a baby pink blazer that matches the pink socks you’re wearing and your eyeshadow that he just about makes out behind your glasses. 

“With what?” He’s on his way back from the kitchen, your prized orca mug in one hand and his mug in the other.

This is your new routine; you and Spencer have coffee in the morning while you both work through your crosswords and then get started on filing away reports for the many serial killers you’ve either interviewed with Tara or put away with the team. It’s fun, and it’s always something to look forward to, especially on designated office days. 

These specific mornings, you have time for a game you’ve fondly named, ‘Making Spencer Try International Desserts.’

Spencer can smell your perfume, you smell like you always do- orange blossom, coffee and lavender. It’s intoxicating, the way the scent just floats into him with every move you make. 

“The season calls for it, so  I got pavlova. It’s a New Zealand dessert and I got it with raspberries, strawberries and a passion fruit syrup situation to go on top.” 

Spencer knows the informational side to everything in the world but he’s never tried some of it out, as you’d learnt on a night out for drinks, so you’d started the game as a way to help him get real world knowledge of fun things- the operative word being up for debate but he hadn’t objected yet. 

He clears his desk, making space for the two little boxes you have in your hand. “They’re a little sweet for breakfast, but you only live once.” You open up the boxes and Spencer is shocked to see the mini pavlovas and the fruit sitting beside it in a clear container. 

“Do you like these?” He asks, handing over your coffee to you and pulling his box towards him. 

“I do, but they’re more of a picnic food to share in my opinion. Like you need to be having a bar-b-que or a garden party to have the full effect of these.” Spencer isn’t surprised by your enthusiasm for the dessert- your little stories about every one you’ve shared with him is enthusiastic for how and when to eat them. 

You sneak into the kitchen and return with two spoons. “Okay, try to get a bit of everything on your spoon.” 

Spencer does as you say, a bit of the berries, the passion fruit and the shell of the pavlova on his spoon as he takes his first bite. You sit in anticipation, watching him chew and swallow like it’s the most fascinating thing a person could do. 

You try not to focus on the way his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows or the way his tongue pokes out to lick away some of the meringue at the corner of his mouth. Spencer catches the way your eyes widen at the action and suppresses a smile. 

“What do you think?” You busy yourself with setting up your own perfect bite, willing your body not to give away any of your fluster at being caught looking at him. 

“It was really nice, I like the different textures.” Spencer compliments, watching you take your own bite and letting himself smile when some of the passion fruit syrup and meringue stain your bottom lip. 

Without really thinking, his thumb comes to your face, wiping away the stain easily. Your breath hitches and Spencer feels it, his smile widening even more. There’s a moment where you both just stare at each other, your breathing filling the silence- you’re fighting the urge to lean in and kiss Spencer and he’s fighting the urge to lick his thumb. 

“You only pretend to be this coy man, don’t you Doctor Reid?” you ask finally, leaning back in the chair you’re in and crossing your legs. Spencer’s sure his brain short circuits for a moment, your thighs have been a source of his torture for months now, especially when you wear skirts and dresses. 

“You know you only call me ‘Doctor Reid’ when you’re flustered?” he tries changing the subject, leaning forward a bit to get a little closer to you. 

“You have a knack for topic evasion, Spencer.” he laughs, a soft, sweet sound and he shakes his head. 

“I have a knack for you,” you can feel your heart pounding in your ears, more so when Spencer’s fingers wrap around the arm of your chair and pull you closer to his desk. “Where’s your crossword?”

[charliemwrites]

…. So Mister(s) steal your girl, huh?

Content: Unhappy Relationship, (Brief) Gaslighting, Sad Reader

Bombshells, you always thought, were supposed to making a whistling sound before landing. A high pitched warning of impending doom. Too late to escape the incoming devastation, but at least it wouldn’t come out of nowhere. There’d be some time to brace, for all the good it would do.

Maybe you watched too many movies.

Three months. That’s how long you got to enjoy the bliss of engagement before the world began to fall around you.

Your fiance came home and sat you down, his hand around yours. You thought he was breaking it off for some reason. What he did instead was worse.

In the aftermath you can only remember snippets of the one-sided conversation. Like tinnitus, an awful running in your ears left over from a dropped bomb.

Things like,

Still young, I want to explore…

How will I know you’re my forever unless I know what’s out there?

Last bit of freedom before being tied down…

If you love me and our relationship…

You love your fiance and your relationship. You don’t want to lose it just because you’re selfish. He’s still coming home to you, after all. You’re the one with the ring and all the plans for the future. So what if he wants to… explore? He’s even offering the same to you.

An open relationship, he calls it, like it’s some innovative idea.

You’ve heard of them before, never had much interest. Still don’t, honestly, but it was that or the desolution of 4 years.

You insisted on a long engagement. Your fiance promises that you two can revisit the open relationship when you’re married.

Within a week of agreeing, he’s leaves for the weekend. He doesn’t tell you where he’s going, who he’s meeting. He comes back Sunday evening smelling like someone else’s perfume with a hickey on his collarbone. When you refuse any advances, he sighs and says he “understands that this is a transition” and goes to shower.

It’s like that for six months. Weekends without him. Sometimes sending him off Friday morning and not seeing him until Monday evening. Lipstick on his collars, strange perfume invading the laundry. You start doing his clothes separately.

Six months. You spend months suffering in silence, sniffling through Saturdays and drifting through Sundays. Adjusting meal plans to cook for one.

The last straw is when you try to make plans on a holiday. You and your fiance haven’t done on a proper date in months. You want to go out, have all his attention on you, not shared with his phone.

“Ooh, sorry dear, I’ve already got plans with Malorie. Rain check, yeah? We’ll do something next week.”

You decide to go out anyway, sick of feeling sorry for yourself. Nothing fancy, just a bit of self care. You buy yourself a cute new outfit, put on a bit more makeup than usual, do your hair. Find an interesting little late night book shop. They serve wine and food and have comfy booths for people to read or talk or play board games.

The perfect place to be out but alone.

You’re debating the merits of a romance novel when a voice comes from your left.

“Love that one.”

You blink, glance up. Find a handsome man with eyes simultaneously so dark and so warm. Coals, you think. There’s a cheeky little quirk to his mouth as he nods at the novel.

“It’s good if you like will-they, won’t-they.”

You hum. “I’m more in the market for something… easier? If that makes sense.”

He hums, gives you a solemn look. “It does. Here, you might like this then.”

He plucks a book off the shelf and offers it for inspection. You feel awkward reading it the summary thoroughly, especially when you can feel his eyes on you. But you skim it, it looks promising, and a hot guy just suggested it, so…

“Read a lot of romance?” you ask curiously.

He ducks his head a bit, endearingly shy. “A bit, yeah. Call me hopeless.”

You bite the inside of your cheek, but can’t help saying. “I think it’s just romantic.”

His eyes light up. “Yeah? And what kind of books d’you usually like?”

Before you know it, you’re talking thrillers and horror novels with him. Recommending your favorite spooky novel and then following up that you always read a comedy afterwards as a palette cleanser.

You end up touring each other around the shop, talking books and authors and genres. Yet you’re somehow surprised when he asks if you’d like to sit with him. But you agree, a little thrill in your stomach that you haven’t felt since… a while.

You each buy a stack of books, then claim a booth and proceed to read none of them. He tells you his name is Kyle, that he’s in the military but on leave right now, stocking up on entertainment for flights or long spans of hurrying up and waiting.

You’ve never met a military guy before, and you trip over your curiosity. Trying not to pry but interested in what he does. He’s polite and patient, admitting there are a lot of things he can’t tell you but he’ll answer. You don’t stay on the subject long, figuring the last thing he wants to talk about it work.

He gets you back in the department of uncomfortable topics when he notices the ring on your finger. You’re quick to explain the situation, hot with shame all over again, eyes stinging despite yourself.

Instead of mocking you or just getting up and walking away, Kyle sits back looking flabbergasted.

“That’s fucking mental,” he says, “excuse me for saying.”

You burst into laughter. Haven’t told anyone any of this out of embarrassment, but hearing someone on your side is… good.

“I thought so too, but… he’s happy,” you admit.

Kyle frowns. “What about you?”

You blink, can’t look him in the eye. You know the answer but make a show of thinking about it.

“I’d… like to be again. This — the open relationship thing — seems to be working for him. So… maybe it’ll work for me too?” You shrug. “Worth a try.”

Kyle reaches across the table, a big warm hand enveloping yours. There are callouses you’re not expecting. Tantalizingly different.

“Would you like to try it with me?” he asks. “Don’t have to put a label on it or anything. But my schedule is a bit… it’s hard to keep up a traditional relationship, you know? But I like you, and I think your fiance is a knob.”

You snort, but flip your hand around, thumb brushing over his.

“Yeah…” you muse, and after saying it, a surge of confidence infuses you. “Yeah, I’d like to try this with you.”

His smile is absolutely brilliant. You won’t admit — not even to yourself for a long time — but you fall in love a little right then and there.

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[teapartyprincess4two]

Carnal Desires- M. Sturniolo

pairing: girlfriend!reader x boyfriend!Matt

classification: smut

warnings: 18+, MDNI, literal sex, slight cursing, oral sex, established relationship, short, no use of y/n

inspiration: request, I put a big spin on this request lolol bc I’ve written car sex before and felt like we needed something different

summary: You join Matt and his family on a vacation, and get lost together while on a hike. Instead of freaking out, you two take advantage of the sudden alone time.

—

This vacation was supposed to be fun for you, full of laughter and adventures as you and Matt’s family explored the island and all it had to offer. You were looking forward to spending alone time with Matt in between the week’s packed schedule, maybe sneak in a session or two, but instead you were forced to share a room with Nick.

You love Nick and you wouldn’t mind sharing a room with him under any other circumstances, but all you wanted was quality time with your boyfriend. Mary Lou made the room arrangements, and although she knows you and Matt were having sex regularly, it wasn’t going to happen under her watch. So, instead of enjoying your time in paradise with your boyfriend, you’re being tortured and touch-starved.

Matt feels the same way every time he sees you wearing a bikini at the pool, a pair of shorts that hug you just right, or even when you’re eating and he watches your lips wrap around a fork. All he wants to do is drag you away and fuck you in the nearest secluded area, but he had to remind himself to keep his interactions with you family friendly.

This was going to be such a long trip to say the least.

—

“Watch your step, baby,” Matt instructs, pointing towards the rocks that litter the path ahead. You hated hiking, especially in the hot island sun, but the tour guide promised a waterfall at the end that you just couldn’t pass up. You offer Matt a kind smile, holding onto him for support as you trudge further and further up the mountain. His arm stiffens as he supports your weight, helping you push yourself up a large rock.

His eyes trail up your legs, the shorts you’re wearing riding up slightly and exposing your asscheek. All week he’s struggled to keep his hands off of you, especially with his family so close all the time. But they’re pretty far up the hiking trail, he wonders if he’ll have enough time to push you up against the rock, pull down your shorts, and finally fuck you.

He debates it for a while, chewing the inside of his lip to distract himself from the growing sensation in his pants, but he’s broken from his thoughts by your voice, “Matt c‘mon we’re gonna get lost out here!” You’re crouched at the edge of the rock, stretching an arm out for him which causes your top to fall forward just enough to expose the bikini you’re wearing underneath.

All he wants to do is rip it off and watch your tits bounce as you ride him. “I’m coming,” he grunts, taking a hold of your hand and using the other to push himself up. He’s sweaty and sunburnt, slowly becoming tired of this dumb hike. You can tell he’s becoming overwhelmed and annoyed, so you wrap your arms around his waist.

“Don’t be so grumpy,” you tease with a downturned smile, pecking his lips playfully. His jaw is clenched, trying to stretch his neck far enough for you to miss his mouth. Your lips fall on his jaw, feathering a few kisses down his neck teasingly. “C’mon baby, just a little smile,” you continue to tease, your breath tickling the skin of his neck.

A small chuckle finally escapes his mouth, his tough guy demeanor crumbling and being replaced with a playful expression. “Why are you so grumpy?” your tone is still cheery because, despite also being tired, you’re trying to remain positive.

“Because we’re lost,” he replies blankly, allowing his arms to snake around your waist until his arms rest comfortable on your ass. He squeezes your ass, massaging the skin shortly after. You see the opportunity for a corny remark and take it, “I’m not lost if I’m with you.”

This causes him to burst out in laughter, finally giving in and returning the kiss, “you’re so fucking corny.” You smile into the kiss, you knew exactly what to do to make him feel better.

“I can make you feel better,” you reply between kisses, allowing your lips to travel further down his jawline and neck. He hums in response, the suggestion immediately sending blood rushing to his dick. You take this as an invitation to go through with your actions, slowly kneeling in front of Matt until you’re facing his crotch.

He watches in shock and excitement as you wiggle into the ground and begin unbuckling his shorts. Were you really going to suck his dick in the middle of the dense jungle? What if someone else came through the hiking path? Or worse, what if his family emerged from the dense flora and caught you with his dick in your mouth? As frightening as the idea was, it was also exciting, and Matt never the type to turn down a blowjob.

He watches in awe as you pull his shorts down, palming his dick through the fabric of his boxers. You kiss his penis through the cloth, waiting for a reaction from Matt. “Don’t tease,” he groans, causing you to finally slowly pull his boxers down.

Once it’s free, Matt’s hard dick slaps against his stomach, precum already forming at the red, swollen tip. You take a firm grip of him, slowly pumping and placing a sloppy kiss on his tip. He tastes salty, his precum mixing with the sweat from having hiked for hours.

His jaw is slack and his eyes are scrunched as you finally wrap your mouth around his tip. You’d usually take your time and tease Matt until he was begging for you to do something, but you’re so hungry for him that you can’t help but deep throat him instantly. Matt’s tip hits the back of your throat, causing him to instinctively buck his hips into your mouth.

Strong hands take a hold of your hair, creating a make-shift ponytail to provide him with the leverage necessary to fuck your face. You’re gagging around his cock, his hips snapping into your face and his hands pushing your head back and forth. Tears brim at your eyes with each thrust, your hands holding onto Matt’s thighs both for support and in an attempt to slow his movements.

He’s unrelenting, though, forgetting entirely about your need for oxygen. You moan around him, cheeks hollowing tight enough to help push Matt past his breaking point. His eyes are training on you, watching in awe as bubbles of saliva drip down your chin.

“So. Fucking. Sexy,” he grunts with each thrust, pulling out completely with a loud pop. Matt pumps his cock from above your face, giving you enough time to catch your breath before you’re opening your mouth again for him. He groans at your willingness to please, placing his fat, heavy cock on your flat tongue.

You scoot closer to him eagerly, waiting for him to paint your tongue with his cum. “So beautiful and eager,” he murmurs, stroking his cock one last time before unloading his cum in your mouth. Some of it shoots out far enough to land on your face, engraving an image in Matt’s head that he’s sure to use later.

One of your fingers scoops up the stray cum that frosted tour face, popping the remnants in your mouth as you stare intently at Matt. You want him to remember this for the remainder of this trip, to think about you on your knees with his cum on your face. You want him to remember how well you took his cock and for images of you to flood his mind at night, forcing him to find you and fuck you in another secluded, undisclosed location.

Without another word, you kiss his tip and spring up from the floor. “I think they went this way,” you say, pointing in a random direction, but if you were being honest you lost track of the group long before you dropped to your knees. Matt watches you in confusion, how were you able to recover so easily while he still stood there with his cock out? He’s barely coming down from his high, but he pulls his pants up and follows you anyway.

Matt’s skeptical, not entirely trusting your sense of direction. “Are you sure? It doesn’t look like anyone’s gone that way… ever,” he replies, taking in his surroundings. You wave him off, pushing through highly forested terrain as you attempt to find the group again.

“I’m sure. We’ll be fine,” you dismiss, leading the way deeper into the jungle. Hopefully Matt remained in a good mood for the rest of the hike, if not you’d be forced to work your magic again.

—

At this point you don’t know which way is left and which is right, you’re just walking for the sake of moving. There are no trails in sight, but there are rocks at every twist and turn, and the sun is beginning to set. “I think we’re lost,” you finally admit, stopping abruptly in your tracks and doing a full 360 in an attempt to relocate yourself.

“You think?” Matt replies in a sarcastic tone, running an exasperated hand through his hair. You ignore his tone, chalking it up to the hike having worn him out. He was easily irritable, but you knew of a few ways to fix that.

“Well I hear water this way. That could be the waterfall?” you say, throwing a thumb behind you to signal that that’s where you hear the water coming from. Matt’s equally as lost as you are, but since you were the one leading the way it was easy to place the blame on you. “It could be, but what if it isn’t?” he retorts, raising his voice slightly.

“We’re already lost, Matt. What does it matter if it isn’t the waterfall?” you reply, mocking his voice slightly as you send him an annoyed look. You decide to just ignore him and begin walking towards the water instead of arguing in the middle of a deserted island, surrounded by dense vegetation and predators that were sure to wake when the sun set.

Matt throws his hands up in the air out of frustration as he follows behind you. If you were Chris or Nick he probably would’ve lashed out at you already, but he bites his tongue because he realizes that there’s no point in arguing. The only reason he’s responding so harshly is because he’s letting the situation and his pent up sexual frustration get the best of him.

The water gets louder the further you walk and the air becomes cooler. Finally, after pushing past vines and leaves, you see the roaring stream of water. Foam forms at the edge of the cliff where the water meets the ground, creating a large pool deep enough to swim in. It was such a beautiful sight, you couldn’t help but immediately throw your backpack to the ground and kick your shoes off.

“Told you it was the waterfall,” you say in excitement, suddenly feeling energetic again. You make swift work of your shirt, removing it before unbuckling your shorts. Matt’s equally as excited, tugging his shorts off as he watches you shimmy out of yours.

Your ass jiggles each time you pull at your shorts, finally revealing the bikini you wore underneath. Matt’s in his boxers, the fabric loose around his thighs but becoming tight around his crotch. He’s no longer frustrated with you, all he can think about is fucking you in the water, the water splashing each time he bucks into you.

His carnal, animalistic desires overrun his mind as images of you on the jungle floor with his cock balls deep in your mouth replay in his head. Matt joins you in the cool water, ready to have another adventure with you.

—

The sun has set and the moon has now replaced its position in the sky, shining down on you both while you effortlessly wade through the water. The pool is deep enough to reach your shoulders, but it reaches Matt’s lower chest. The loud, relentless waterfall makes it hard to hear Matt when he speaks so you’re forced to press your face against his to hear him.

“You look so sexy, baby,” he murmurs against your ear, his face so close to yours that you can feel his stubble graze your cheek with each word. Matt’s hands pull you close to him from under the water, allowing your legs to wrap around his torso as he supports your weight. Your ass settles just above his crotch, inches away from his throbbing penis.

You hum in response, pulling your face away slightly to capture his lips in a kiss. Nature managed to provide you with the perfect ambiance, perfectly secluded from all civilization for the first time this week. “I missed you all week,” you whispered into the kiss, giving Matt the perfect opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth.

He’s immediately moaning into the kiss, his tongue lapping in your sweet juices. He places two strong hands on your ass, pushing you down on his growing erection, eliciting a strained whimper from you. “Feel that?” he grunts, forehead flush with yours as he presses his crotch so hard on yours you can feel everything. His eyes are locked on yours, searching for a reaction.

Your core clenches instinctively at his words, you wish you could feel him. It seems like the waterfall becomes louder the more worked up you become, both of you blissfully unaware of the world around you. The stars are twinkling from above and the moon is shining directly on the pool of water you swim in, serving as a spotlight for the show you and Matt were about to put on.

His mouth is back on you, hungrily trailing kisses down the wet skin of your neck. He stops right above your collar bone, sucking and biting the skin until it’s purple. You’re gripping his hair and grinding down onto him, allowing the water to help you move effortlessly. All you want is to feel him closer after an entire week apart.

“Matt, just fuck me already,” you moan, becoming desperate for his touch. Usually he’d tease you and tell you to be patient, but even he was desperate for relief. He pulls you into another kiss, swiftly tugging his cock out of his boxers in the process. You try adjusting yourself over Matt, his fingers expertly moving your bikini to the side, causing you to squirm slightly as the fabric presses against your sensitive clit.

“Stay still,” he grumbles, aligning his cock with your entrance. You immediately do as you you’re told, eager to please and even more eager to feel him inside you. Without a second thought, his left hand is pushing you down on him and the right is keeping his cock in place. An immediate sigh of relief leaves Matt’s mouth once he bottoms out inside of you, adjusting himself so he’s able to support you from under your thighs. The sensation is euphoric, causing Matt’s knees to tremble as he tries to ground himself on the rocky floor beneath him.

Your legs are wrapped around Matt’s waist, using the position as leverage to begin bouncing up and down on his dick slowly. The momentum of your movements causes the water to push and pull around you, slapping against your chest with each thrust. “I missed this,” he moans, eyes squeezed tight as he tries to compose himself. The feeling is so pent up that he’s sure to bust in seconds, so he focuses on lasting long so he can make you feel good.

“I missed this too, baby. So much,” you reply, hanging on by Matt’s shoulders as you throw your head back in pleasure. You’re clenching around him, your pussy sucking him in deeper. Loud moans are coming from both of you, the waterfall swallowing them and washing them away.

Matt watches as your boobs bounce violently, threatening to spill out of your tight bikini top. It’s like they’re teasing him, willing him to pull the bikini off and toss it deep into the jungle. He yanks it down before he can stop himself, freeing your tits and immediately groaning at the sight.

You look so sexy on top of him, taking him like a champ and giving him a show while doing it. His hips rut into you quickly, balls slapping against your ass with each thrust. Your tits press against his chest, sensitive nipples grazing against his skin.

He’s fucking you so hard and fast at this point that his dick slips out of you, slapping against your clit in the process. The sensation causes your legs to shake and your core to clench once again. “Fuck,” he whimpers at the loss of contact, taking a hold of his cock and rubbing it against your pussy.

Matt manages to slip back into your folds aggressively, pounding into you at the same relentless pace from before. This was the sloppiest sex you’d ever had with Matt, but after a week completely deprived of him you’d gladly welcome it.

You’re both soaked, somehow managing to float under the waterfall. The pressurized water rains down on you, the stream coming down on you so hard it unties your bikini causing it to float downstream. “Matt! My top,” you gasp, reaching for your bikini and pushing your boobs together in the process.

Matt groans at the sight, your pillowy breasts bouncing as he fucks you like it’s the first and last time. Your spongy walls push against his penis, causing a sensation that sends him past his breaking point.

“We’ll get it later,” he responds between grunts, snapping his hips into you one last time before unloading his cum inside you. Just because he’s no longer moving doesn’t mean you aren’t still bouncing on his dick, causing it to twitch from the sensitivity.

“Babe,” he chuckles, his body instinctively attempting to pull away as the overstimulation becomes too much. You ignore him, chasing your climax with each jump. All he can do is hold onto you firmly and use all his strength to prevent his knees from buckling.

Finally, you’re convulsing around his cock and moaning loudly as your orgasm washes over your body. The sight is beautiful, your wet hair stuck to your skin, and your eyes rolling so far to the back of your head that all Matt sees is white.

He feels a sense of pride in making you feel this good, he’s never seen you react this animated during sex before. The combination of the location, the stimulation from the water, and the pent up sexual frustration being enough to intensify your orgasm.

Matt pulls you off of him slowly, gently placing you back down on the rocky floor. He gives you a goofy, fucked out smile as he glances down at your bare chest. Your bikini top is floating down stream quickly, threatening to get lost in the wilderness with each passing second. Your arms are quick to wrap around your chest, suddenly feeling exposed like you weren’t just having the loudest sex ever.

“I’ll get it,” he chuckles, adjusting his boxers and swimming downstream effortlessly towards your top. You thank God for sending you such an observant and kind boyfriend, one who was willing to make you feel good and then take care of you afterwards.

Once he reaches it, he throws the bikini your way, causing water to splash in your face. Even though he was just balls deep in you, you find yourself turning your back to him while you put the bikini back on. He’s too busy swimming against the stream to notice though, the realization of how lost you truly were finally settling in.

For now, though, the two of you were content with a night under the stars away from prying eyes.

—

MASTERLIST

A/n:

🤰🏻

Me after writing this

- L.A.M.B👼🏻💗

—

taglist: @nicksmainbitch @sturniololovers @mayhem-72 @worldlxvlys @gnxosblog @meg-sturniolo @creamoncreamoncream2 @mattnchrisworld @sanyi5

note: if you want to be tagged in my fanfic related posts, you can access my TAGLIST and comment 💐

[hazard-symbols-that-fuck-hard]

Okay time for the PBS Kids essay

Read it under the cut!

:readmore:

In 1968, before there was PBS Kids proper, there was Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. While it came several decades before the children’s block, it laid the foundation for the themes and values present in every facet of the network’s history.

Mr. Roger famously hated children’s programming at the time. To him, it all was droll and useless. But he didn’t dissuade the medium entirely— he saw potential. Potential that led to a few smaller television jobs, and eventually the creation of Mr. Roger’s neighborhood.

Rogers didn’t invent educational TV for children, but he did perfect it. He poured real heart and soul into probably the most sincere, heartfelt program in history.

Honestly, he could have his own essay. The more things you learn about the real man of Mr. Rogers, the more you’ll like him.

Anyway, the biggest thing that makes PBS different is the fact that it earns money through grants, fundraisers, and private donors— not through sponsorships and merchandise sales. This way, PBS Kids can push programming that it feels is important, rather than programming that merely sells well.

This also means PBS is less afraid of pushing social boundaries. Money doesn’t go away when their shows become subjects of debate— and Mr. Rogers took full advantage of this.

For context, this was 1969. The Jim Crow era had just barely, barely ended. Pool segregation was still very much legal.

Mr. Rogers sharing a pool and a towel with the Black Mr. Clemmons was a pretty big deal at the time— especially on a show made for children.

Rogers was far from the untouchable sacred cow of today. When he was alive, he had a large number of detractors. Let’s just say that scene didn’t fly nicely by everyone.

Just one year after the debut of Mr. Roger’s came Sesame Street.

While Mr. Roger’s was made for all children, Sesame Street had the explicit goal of supplementing the education of underserved communities— especially inner-city Black (and later Latino) children.

While it was made to be accessible to children of all races and income levels, they definitely went the extra mile to make it something special for inner-city Black and Brown kids. (Why do you think it it’s “Sesame Street” and not “Sesame Cul-de-Sac”?)

At the time, a wholesome, sweet show set in a brownstone street was practically unheard of.

Jon Stone, the casting director, deliberately sought to make the cast as rich with color as he possibly could, bringing on a huge amount of Black talent such as Loretta Long, Matt Robinson, and Kevin Clash, as well as featuring Black celebrities as guest stars. Later, the show would expand its horizons, bringing on actors from Latino, Asian, Native American, and many more backgrounds.

White actors were and still are a minority on show.

In addition to letters and numbers, the purpose of Sesame Street is clear: make kids of color know that they’re smart, beautiful, and loved.

It doesn’t get more explicit than this.

I want to point out this comment because it’s funny

You’re telling me this bitch isn’t Hispanic???

Anyway, these two were followed up by Reading Rainbow in 1983. And guess what?

That’s right. Non-white focus.

These three shows, (along with other, lesser-known programs like Lamb-Chops Play Along, Newton’s Apple, and Shining Times Station (who featured Ringo Starr himself?? seriously how did that happen and why does no one talk about it) and some other nostalgic favorites like Bill Nye the Science guy, The Magic Schoolbus, Arthur, and Thomas the Tank Engine) aired on the new PTV block, which evolved into PBS Kids in 1999, bringing along Between the Lions, Dragon Tales, and many more.

Arthur is another stand-out that I’d like to talk about— it doesn’t have the same racial focus of Sesame Street, but it does focus on different income levels. The characters have various housing situations, from apartments to mansions to no home at all.

It also takes cues from Sesame Street and Mr. Roger’s in regards to talking about tough topics, though as Arthur has a slightly older target audience, it discusses things through stories rather than talking directly to the audience.

Cancer, religion, workplace discrimination, along with current (at the time) events such as 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina are all discussed on the show.

Another big focus on Arthur is disability. For once, they don’t stick a character in a wheelchair and then pretend he’s not in a wheelchair. A striking number of major characters either develop or get diagnosed with physical disabilities and/or neurodivergences, such as asthma, severe food allergies, and dyslexia, and they deal with them in very realistic ways.

A handful of minor characters have more obvious disabilities, and THANK GOD they go beyond the trite messaging of “disabled people can do everything abled people can do! everyone clap now!”

One episode in particular has the awesome message of “holy shit stop trying to help me all the time— it’s patronizing as fuck. I can get around just fine without you stepping on eggshells and trying to be the hero all the fucking time”

There are sooo many other shows I could talk about, but I can’t write about them all. I’m definitely gonna point out some more standout ones, though.

Sagwa, the Chinese Siamese Cat

Created by Chinese-American woman Amy Tang

Dragonfly TV

Features a multitude of female and non-white scientists to foster an interest in science with kids in those groups

Maya & Miguel

One of the network’s first Hispanic-led shows

SciGirls

I shouldn’t have to explain what the goal of this one was.

Molly of Denali

When was the last time you saw a show that treated Native Americans as people? Much less a children’s show? 90% of the cast is Athabascan, and the show revolves around Athabascan culture, not shying away from topics like boarding schools and modern-day racism. Most of the writers are also Athabascan, and the show even has an official Gwich’in dub!

It’s this commitment to real, authentic social justice that makes PBS Kids so much different from its competitors. Could you imagine the Paw Patrol dog looking at the camera and earnestly discussing what happened to George Floyd? I don’t think so— but Arthur talked specifically about it, Sesame Street did an hour long special about race in general, and the network itself made a 30 minute special.

Disney Jr. could never. (Other than trying to teach colorblindness, of course.)

I’m gonna have to cut this into two parts, since I just hit the image limit

[tiyoin]

📍pt 1 | pt 2.

no thoughts just thought about twst’s other mc

you were friends with yuu in your original life. two halves of a whole.

but you were shyer when it came to new people while yuu was more out going. so you couldn’t help but watch enviously as yuu started getting friends- a lot of them- right off the bat.

of course you were still best friends, always making time for each other no matter how hard it was to.

once a week you and yuu would spend the whole day together no matter who you ran into.

ace and deuce? great! they joined the party! but you wouldn’t even look at them nor talk to them out of pure anxiety.

of course you’d talk to them if they spoke to you first. have a little wave everytime they greeted you.

it took you 1 monthh to be able to be able to greet them on your own.

or! if the infamous leech twins were to interrupt your yuu time you would always cling to them as the two green giants would intimidate you.

didn’t help that you could feel their eyes linger on you either. your eyes always meeting theirs if they happened to say something that made you laugh out loud.

of course they picked fun at you for not talking, or barely talking.

“oh? y/n i didn’t know you could talk”

“ehhh, i forgot you were here”

was something you got on the daily. yuu would laugh it off and sling their arm around your shoulder, telling whomever about how much of a chatter box you were! always finished it off by cooing at you and saying ‘how you were shy’ around people, especially guys.

you were in hell to be fair.

although, you were able to make your own friends; like silver. you were the only ones not paired up for the joint potionology lesson.

silver because he was sleeping, and you because yuu was swarmed by their other friends and you went to the bathroom when he announced it was a pair up.

you had counted before and there was an odd number of people. so if you went to the bathroom everyone would have to pair up and when you came back you’d be able to work alone!!

sound proof plan right! turns out one of the leeches snuck into the class when they weren’t supposed to so your headcount was slightly off.

when you say next to silver you debated waking him up. looking to yuu nervously they shrugged, motioning you to wake him up.

but he looked so… peaceful. so you started doing the work on your own, like how you intended. you kept sneaking peeks at him as the minute hand ticked on.

crewel was too busy with another group (ace and deuce) to really bother with you or silver-

“oh-“

gasping, your head snapped to sliver’s as your startled eyes met his groggy ones. his eyes individually blinking as he yawned.

“are you-”

“we uh, got paired up for a project…”

he sat up right, clearly surprised as he looked around. seeing all the pairs hard at work, he looked at your chemistry set with guilt.

“i’m sorry for sleeping, i didn’t even know we were paired together. you could’ve woke me up”

you smiled slightly, shaking your head as you struggled to meet his eyes. “don’t worry about it, i was planning on working alone but counted wrong, and you seemed so peaceful that i didn’t have the heart to wake you”

he sighed, slouching over his seat “i appreciate it, but next time don’t be afraid to wake me up, okay?”

you nodded as you flipped the paper to catch him up.

it was nice talking to someone other than yuu for once. someone who wasn’t as boisterous and a handful. someone who didn’t have trouble follow them like a shadow. yeah it was different, but you’d take any different slice to mix up your mundane life.

you didn’t know if it was sliver, or an instant connection, but you both slowly drifted from the topic and started talking about sleep. your lack of and his overabundance of.

“you’re kidding?? you fell asleep on your horse?? i’m sorry- i shouldn’t laugh” your head threw back as you tried holding back your laughter. silver chuckled, cheeks and ears turning a soft peachy hue, he shifted his bangs between his thumb and pointer finger. silver was recounting the tale of when he fell asleep on his horse during an equestrian club practice, causing the horse to run off with him still attached.

opening your eyes a bit, you saw more than one person staring at you. matter of fact, it seemed like almost the whole room was looking in your general direction. instinctively, you shut your mouth and hunched over yourself as you cleared your throat. staring down at the paper, you erased a sentence before re-writing. your body felt like it was on fire as you bit your lip nervously.

fuck, that was humiliating.

“you should laugh more”

your eyes shot up to silvers. he had a slight smile as he looked at you through his bangs, he flicked his eyes down to keep writing which only lasted a moment longer as his eyes fluttered before he lifted his head.

“you always seem so… depressed”

“ouch” you grumbled, yet he kept going

“you wouldn’t be so alone here if you smiled and laughed more, believe me, you have a wonderful smile and a contagious laugh”

‘no shot he’s fucking rizzing me’ you gasped internally as you felt your cheeks get redder. you fought back the urge to fan yourself as you felt your clothing on your skin.

everything seemed too much, the lights, your clothes, the table, his eyes.

“are you okay y/n?”

you nodded, before quickly shaking your head as your breathing picked up.

1,2,3 1,2,3 you repeated to yourself as your fingers took alternating taps against your thumb.

“let me take you to the nurse”

“i-im fine, really, thanks” you blurted out, standing up before beelining it to crewel. even as your legs carried you swiftly through the isles, you felt eyes rake the back of your body, scan every part of your being.

lord you just wanted to burst out into tears. never late to the party, your vision blurred as tears threatened to slip from your waterline down to your cheeks.

change of plans, you walked past crewel who was busy helping yuu’s group to notice you quickly shuffling to the door.

opening it gently, you all but slipped through the crack. closing it softer than you opened it, you side stepped to the wall and just- breathed.

oh you thought it was cute breathing? HAHAHAHHA. wrong

gasping for breathe, you looked down the hallways. once reassuring that it’s all clear you speed walked down the corridor. you heard a door open behind you as you kept your pace, you didn’t know where you were going but you needed space.

“y/n!” your body jerked to stop, but you kept walking. you couldn’t recognize the voice and you figured ‘hey there’s probably like 20 y/n’s here, they’re probably not talking to me!’

“y/n! wait up!!”

looking back, you saw a blob of brown hair quickly make its way towards you.

slowly, like a deer caught in headlights, you made your way towards the blob. it was probably yuu.

right you were, as the closer they came the more you were able to make out their features.

“hey” you greeted, waving awkwardly as they slammed into you, arms wrapping around you tightly.

you squirmed uncomfortably, yuu being perceptive got the hint and flung off you like you had a disease.

“profesor crewel gave me permission to take you to the nurse! of course i had to convince silver not to go with us, but he wouldn’t budge! so he’s coming with your stuff after class!”

why they were so preppy after you almost had a panic attack (almost??) annoyed you slightly, yet you couldn’t blame them. they didn’t know.

silently, you nodded and started walking to the nurse again. you couldn’t see it, but yuu was waving to the small group that formed by the door; the first years. yuu only followed you once they all were pulled inside.

the majority of the walk was spent trying to calm yourself down. yuu stayed silent, trapped in their own world to give you time to reflect.

you were about to grab the handle to the nurses office when you noticed yuu walked right past you and the door.

“yuu you passed it”

“i know”

…

“wait you were serious about going to the nurse?”

you shrugged, i mean, what else would you do? crewel would skin you if he found out you skipped.

“i don’t wanna be made into a coat”

yuu chuckled, motioning for you to keep walking with them. looking between an inching away yuu and the red, ‘nurses office’ spelled out on the glass door, your feet moved on their own as your hand lingered on the knob.

yuu cheered as they walked back to you before guiding you in the middle of the hallway. far from the nurses door.

“do you wanna talk about it?”

you groaned, fisting your hair as you remembered what made you spiral. slamming your hands into your face, you grumbled out a response. yuu leaned closer, jokingly telling you to repeat it.

“he complimented me”

yuu stopped walking, hands hovering your shoulders as their eyes asked for permission to touch you. nodding, you were met with a gentle impact of their hands on your shoulders as they lightly shaked you.

“you started crying cause he complimented you??” they laughed, going on and on about your ‘crybaby rizz,’ and ‘how he looked like a kicked puppy because he thought he said something wrong.’

“i- i wasn’t crying!” you argued, but you both knew that was a lie as you cried easily at things.

that wasn’t the reason though… you wanted to tell them, yet when you opened your mouth to tell them what really happened, your throat closed up.

it wasn’t he compliment, but the fact that everyone was watching you. every single pair of eyes in that classroom put you under a microscope and inspected you like an amoeba when you laughed.

and the fact that most of them watched you storm out of the classroom in emotional turmoil made you want to claw your eyes out.

you sighed, knees buckling as yuu’s hands kept themselves purchased on your shoulders as you caught yourself.

“are you sure that’s it? you can tell me anything you know” they looked so worried, brows furrowed, smile long gone from their face, and their nose was even crinkled.

but no matter how strong your throat was, it would never be able to withstand the flood gates that opened once yuu said those magic words. “it just… everyone was staring at me- and i mean staring. like i was an animal they’ve never seen before at a zoo! last time i checked i wasn’t a animal on display! it just made me really conscious about… well everything”

yuu’s head tilted in thought “do you know why they were staring? did you do something?”

“… i laughed”

“… you… laughed?”

you nodded

“wait i’m confused, why the hell would they all look at you then”

“RIGHT” you yelled out, the knots in your back loosening the tiniest amount. no matter hard you tried to wrap your head around it, you laughing shouldn’t have been such a spectacle. yet it was.

“i’m never laughing again- OR going to that class again, i cant, ill die” you hunched over, curling into yourself as you dig your palms into your eyes as you let out numerous groans and sighs. even shaking your upper body for added effect.

yuu chuckled, patting your hunched over form “well i think you should laugh more, only for me though! cause i like it when you smile just at me!”

you rolled your eyes, commenting how greedy they were, and how one could get the wrong intentions based on wh-

“no i want you to get the wrong intentions. well, the right ones for me anyways. i’ll let silver have you for a bit, but make sure you only smile for me, ‘kay!” their arm slid down your back before it found the dip in your lower back.

freezing slightly, your eyes slowly trailed from the floor to yuu. their hand laid there for a moment, almost like they were engraining how you felt under their touch in their mind, before they quickly moved their hand back up to your upper back.

keeping you in their grasp, they started yapping as you two kept walking down the hallways.

they didn’t bother to wait for you to talk

you couldn’t notice, of course, but while yuu’s hand was in the small of your back a certain someone from class had interrupted the moment.

yuu being yuu didn’t tell you, as they were already gone when you started walking again.

—

i wrote this on the toilet.

why does no one talk about how AWFUL it would be if someone with social anxiety got transported to twisted wonderland 😭

like i’d have ZERO friends, expect for 1 or 2 people cause DAMN

[steddiealltheway]

Thinking about Steve who has not a single idea about how social media works, but he downloads a few things like Instagram and Twitter only to check in on the kids. Other than that, he has zero knowledge of pop culture and kind of lives in that blissful bubble. Every once in a while, the kids will get a bit exasperated with him, but he enjoys listening to them explain things - and he knows they secretly love being able to rehash all the gossip.

And honestly, being out of the loop has it’s perks. Especially when he’s on a plane to Los Angeles, California to visit the Byers while they’re there for a concert and to do some sightseeing in the meantime. He’s sat next to someone who sits by the window seat but wears a baseball cap and sunglasses, curly hair tied back in a ponytail. He seems strangely on edge - maybe suffering from a hangover or scared of flying.

Steve can’t help but tap him on the arm. When the stranger turns, he has his mouth in a flat line looking strangely done with the conversation before it’s even begun. “Sorry, I was just going to ask if you’re okay,” Steve says.

The man frowns and tilts his head. He hesitates to reply, “Yes, I’m just… a bit on edge.”

“Tell me about it. This is my first time on a plane.”

The stranger’s mouth twitches. “Is it really?”

“Yeah. What about you?” Steve asks.

“I’ve been on hundreds of planes - would rather be on the road though,” the stranger says reaching up to grab at the end of his ponytail and twirl it around his finger.

Steve smiles and replies, “I get that. I’m Steve by the way.” He holds his hand out to the stranger who eyes it wearily.

“Eddie,” he replies quietly and shakes his hand.

Steve gets distracted by the rings on his hands and finds himself asking about them. The stranger looks at him for a moment, and, even with the sunglasses on, Steve can tell Eddie is strangely taken aback. Steve is about to take it back and apologize for… mentioning the rings? But Eddie points to the first one and explains.

The rest of the plane ride goes well, amazingly well even. Steve finds himself chatting away with Eddie and throughly enjoying his company - especially when he holds his hand while the plane takes off. He especially enjoys the moment when Eddie briefly takes his sunglasses out to look at the clouds, and Steve gets to see his beautiful brown eyes.

A range of emotions pass through those eyes before Eddie puts the sunglasses back on. Steve almost asks him to keep them off - entranced by the way they express everything he’s thinking. But that can be a dangerous thing, so he doesn’t press him about it.

When the captain announces that they’re about to land, Steve is truly upset to think about not getting the chance to see Eddie again. Maybe it’s the fact that Steve has taken a risk and finally left Indiana for once or maybe Eddie’s just one of the first people he’s hit it off with in a long time, but Steve asks, “Do you want to get coffee? After we land.”

Eddie’s tongue rests on his top lip, tracing it back and forth as he considers it. He finally responds, “I would love to, but I have an appointment as soon as we land.”

Steve lets the disappointment settle in him but tries his best not to let it show. “It’s alright.”

But Eddie fidgets with his rings, tongue still resting on his top lip as he debates something. “Do you have an Instagram?” He asks.

Steve laughs bashfully. “I do, but I never use it. Well, I do sometimes just to keep track of some kids I used to babysit honestly, like Dustin who I told you about.”

Eddie’s smile turns into a full blown grin. “Of course. Well, do you mind if I get your Instagram so I can message you with when I’m free? I would give you my number but… I’m afraid of it getting out. Not that you would do that but… people listening and whatnot…” Eddie spins his rings so anxiously fast that it makes Steve nearly laugh.

“Yes, I hope I remember it correctly because I didn’t come up with it,” Steve confesses. Eddie passes him his phone with the notes app open. He types in steve.the.hair.harrington and hands the phone back.

Eddie takes it back and laughs as he reads it. “It’s fitting,” he explains and reaches out to mess with a few strands.

“I try my best,” Steve replies with a shrug, wondering how he can get Eddie to touch his hair again.

“My hair stylist would love you,” Eddie says then freezes.

Steve smiles. “You have a hair stylist?”

Eddie struggles to respond but is given an out as the plane finally lands. He’s immediately reaching out to grab Steve’s hand, and he forgets all about the question.

Eddie doesn’t let go until people start making their way off the plane, using his hand to tilt his baseball cap a little lower and tuck in on himself. It’s as if he’s trying to avoid having someone see him, but Steve doesn’t want to pry so he doesn’t ask.

Eddie follows Steve off the plane and glances around once they get to the terminal. Then, he quickly pulls him into a hug and whispers, “Thank you for a normal flight.”

Steve has no idea what he means by that, but he just squeezes him back tighter. Eddie pulls away and lingers in his arms. Steve wants more than anything to take off his sunglasses and look into his eyes again.

There’s a sound of a camera going off that has Eddie jumping away and putting his hands in his pockets. “Think we’re near someone famous?” Steve jokes.

“Oh, I know we are,” Eddie says with a small smile that makes it seem like he knows something that Steve doesn’t. Before he can ask, Eddie is saying, “I hope I’ll see you again. Goodbye, Steve.” And with that he’s rushing off, pulling his baseball cap a little lower and directing his gaze towards the ground.

He’s strange, but Steve likes him.

The rest of his day, he has a spring in his step. And by the time he gets to his hotel, he collapses on his bed with a sigh of relief. He pulls out his phone and checks for any notifications before he realizes his phone has been on airplane mode. He turns it off and waits for a message from Robin or Dustin to appear on his screen.

Instead, he’s bombarded with notification after notification - including 27 missed calls from Dustin. He calls him immediately.

The phone rings for not even a second before Dustin is answering with a scream of, “Steve Harrington, why have you not answered your phone?!”

“I’ve been sightseeing. Is everything okay?”

“Check the photos I sent you!”

Steve rushes to his messages, finding them filled with people he hasn’t heard from in years. He ignores that and goes to his pinned messages with Dustin. He clicks on the first picture he sees.

It’s a poor quality photo of him and Eddie hugging in the terminal. He swipes to find a photo of him and Eddie holding hands on the plane. Then another one of him lingering in Eddie’s arm looking… very smitten. “Dustin where did you get these?” Steve asks swiping and even coming across a video of them talking on the plane, with Steve laughing as Eddie dramatically tells some sort of tale.

“Better question, how did this even happen Steve? Why didn’t you tell me?!”

Steve is thoroughly confused. “Dustin, I just met Eddie today. But seriously, how did you get these?”

There’s a pause on the other line and a breathed out, “Oh my god.” He can hear Dustin take a deep breath before he asks, “Steve, please tell me that you know who Eddie Munson is.”

“His last name is Munson?”

There’s a muffled scream on the other line before Dustin is launching into a speech about how Eddie is one of the most famous up and coming artists right now. And yeah Corroded Coffins does sound familiar, but it doesn’t click until Dustin explains that’s who Steve and the Byers are going to see in concert.

Oh.

Steve thinks back and everything clicks - especially the number of people who were staring at him and trying to sneak photos while he was out. He scrolls to a screenshot of a Twitter post with the caption, “did anyone else know that eddie munson has a boyfriend???”

Steve’s eyes widen. “Dustin, how many people think we’re dating?”

“The entire internet so basically the whole world,” Dustin says, and Steve doesn’t have time to even process that statement before Dustin is yelling, “Oh my god!”

“What?”

“Eddie Munson just liked a photo I was tagged in! Holy shit, he’s seen my face!”

“Yeah, dude, I told him all about you on the plane,” Steve says. And boy, that probably will not help with the kid’s ego.

Steve opens his Instagram, ignoring Dustin’s little screams on the other line, and takes in the sheer number of notifications. He quickly goes to his requests in his messages and finds one from therealeddiemunson. “Hey, Dustin, what does a blue checkmark mean?”

Dustin groans on the other line asking why it was Steve who got to meet him before finally explaining it. Steve accepts the request and stares at the message hey, you still on for that coffee?

Steve clicks on Eddie’s profile and his heart thuds. He’s pretty sure people aren’t supposed to have a “K” in their follower count. He looks at the recent photos and feels himself turn a bit red. He almost has no clue how the Eddie he met on the plane and Eddie Munson are the same guy.

“Dustin, if I turned down Eddie Munson for coffee would you ever be able to forgive me?”

“Don’t you fucking dare, or I swear to god I will never let my mom bake anything for you again.”

Steve laughs and with that he goes back to the messages and sends Absolutely :)

[ecoamerica]

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!