#even if it wasnt a collective trauma

[yelloworangesoda]

maxwell and sammy are all mine and i love them like my children but its pretty hard to divorce them from fnaf enough to make them straight up ocs. sammy especially bc hes technically not my oc, even if i made up every aspect about him except his name and dead twin sister

[enby-axels]

probably my most unpopular mdzs opinion ever is that lan wangji is trauma bonded to lan xichen. and i mean that in the truest sense of the term in which a victim feels emotionally attached to their abuser, not referring to the distorted, pop psychology definition of two people bonding because they experience trauma together.

i know people wont like this because they cling to the idea of lan xichen being made of idk sunshine and sparkles. but you can be a superficially nice person and also enable horrific violence; this is literally one of the main points mdzs is making about his character. similarly, you can love someone and want what [you think] is best for them, but also harm and, yes, abuse them. this too is true of lan xichen, who — in his position as his clan's leader — punished lan wangji nearly to death for the crime of protecting the love of his life, who himself was just trying to protect war refugees from collective punishment. and then let his clan participate in the murder of said refugees and also the love of his brother's life. (yall: lwj injured 33 of his clan's seniors! me: and who put him in that position. why were they following him in the first place. do you seriously think he would raise his sword against his own clan unless he had no choice)

and like you can make up a million excuses for lan xichen, tell yourself it wasnt that bad or that it cant possibly qualify as abuse even though there's an established power imbalance and a violent exploitation of said power imbalance which lan wangji is in no position to defy, even by the end of the novel. and im sure lan xichen himself made similar excuses to himself to justify his actions so he could sleep at night, but the fact of the matter is that mdzs the novel is naaawwwwt condoning his actions. there's a clear perpetrator of violence here, and also a clear victim

all this to say that lan wangji's relationship with his clan and his direct blood relations is much more complex than popular interpretations acknowledge. as if this isnt clear enough from him being the second jade, the spare to his brother the heir, the politically less important brother who was sent to the wen indoctrination while his older brother fled, the secondborn son whose truths are repeatedly subordinated to his clan leader's lies. twin jades of lan is an ironic title, in the same way twin heroes of yunmeng is ironic. theyre not twin anythings. they were never equals, in moral character or political power

so yeah, lan wangji does love and has probably even forgiven his brother. but what other choice does he have?

[ace-of-gay]

A Mountain is home

I currently dont have a masterlist set up for this collection but i hope you enjoy this none the less, this will eventually be posted on ao3 but i dont have an account currently

Warnings: age regression (not very in depth) , self destructive stimming like scratching pulling on tail thrashing and hitting ones self during a neurodivergent meltdown, quite panicked reader, reader has trauma, reader is a full ghoul this time cause this is still my interpretation of a fantasy universe <3, cuddles and ghoul-piles!!!

The word muzzle is used multiple times over but is referring to a mouth cover to symbolize silence

I headcannon mountain as autistic, no shoes for lifeee yup thats all

age regression is a coping mechanism that can be both voluntary and/or involuntary it is entirely safe and reccomended by therapists if they believe it would be effective for said person but as mentioned for some people it is entirely unpredictable, if this makes you uncomfortable please scroll away thank you <3

Not betad or edited

Word count: 5,611words (it basically wrote itself)

Youd been summoned just a week ago and it already seems as though youre once again fading into the background, no one had taught you if someone of your neurotype was acceptable in todays world, the bok-hord in hell or library as you read above the one here in the church of sin was not at all up to date on whats acceptable yet.

This is your second time being summoned, your first ritual was terrifying but what made it worse is they thought you were impossible to become a domestic ghoul, the uncertainty of being sent back from this one weighed on you, if you went back again no one would be there for you.

Holding yourself back and biting your tongue from doing or saying anything including the strange chirps and trills that kept you regulated, taking it upon yourself to be even more docile and quieter than the tall ghoul behind the drums, no matter the situation not a peep has been heard from you, all you did was play your instrument, there was no jumping around putting on a presentation, the others however did so, its just practice but you hadnt earned your place, you could always be sent back for even the most minor of slip up, its happend before and you for sure wont let it happen again.

《~♡~》

Friday nights are prime for the others, the guys in a ghoul-pile and girls raiding the fridge for snacks while watching a film, in the common area designated for only ghouls no one wearing their mask but yourself, only passing through doing your best to keep in the shadows, if youre out of place surely youll be duely punished, the first time you were summoned your family and friends were disappointed to see you sent back but your mother worst of all had said she had expected it , you had no place yet, so your room was for you the closest to safety.

Locking the door to your room as soon as you returned; taking off themask and the muzzle of sorts, some ghouls had facepaint instead but you weren't vocal so there was no reason, finally now to a safe place you let everything fall from its people pleasing manner into what felt most like yourself, jumping up and down to get your blood flowing and thoughts swarming.

"Who needs others when you can feel at home just being yourself", clicking and pacing and flapping your hands you were trying to catch up to what your body demanded, but

It just kept spilling, from the deepest places in your mind, crevasses full of discomfort, confusion, irritation and just the most overwhelming feeling that could muster  itself from your being.

Nothing was working, it was too late to regulate and your mind took to a melt down, shaking your head wasnt good enough, grabbing hold of your horns, you violently shake yourself around, tail whipping and slashing all around you, and than the crying.

Oh how the crying was the worst part, shoving the muzzle back on it didn't do much for silence but its still an attempt, everyones expectations ringing shrill in your ears, you didn't come from a happy home, your family torn apart by sinners from christs hall a completely different take on sin, as it caused harm.

Hands over your muzzle to silence just a bit more if possible and than the silent choked sobs, more physically painful but it wouldn't draw attention, thats the last thing you wanted, slamming your fists down against your thighs followed by tugging on your tail and scratching the spade of it until it hurt, the only thing that could regulate you was small jolts and shocks of pain and than it stopped, you were right back where you started, silent but this time you felt like a kit.

A tiny kit who got told that they need to learn to be normal, but for the time being there was the innocence, nothing would happen if you weren't, you were just different, and you were alone but you were still safe.

Putting the helmet back on, you take all of the blankets and pillows that are in your room and shove them under your bed, taking the cover sheet and creating a curtain between the floor and the frame, all of your tiny kit-like self holed up in one place, a place as small as the family and friends in your life had made you, maybe this time you were sent here to be safe.

Fixing up the nest you made under your bed you let yourself hide away from the world, be as small and pure as your mind could muster and let all the terrible feelings melt away, chirping and trilling quietly as you lay there eventually being held close and coddled by darkness, falling asleep you would not return to the common rooms until most necessary.

Grabbing food and hiding once more, at some point when you were in the library and had found scratch paper, a sketchbook , a couple pencils and a mess of tacks set out in a bin that had the word 'FREE' in print on it for anyone to partake in the activity of drawing, collecting the supplies and a few books on ghouls with neurodivergencies, and just a simple fairy tale, you embark back to your room.

Over the weekend you had covered the walls in the corner of the room under your bed with fantastical pictures of your dreams, and drawings of each ghoul and papas youve seen so far.

《~♡~》

When monday came it was back to breakfast and lessons in the morning, lunch after practice around noon and communal chores, the others were very loud today, as for yourself youd been silent like predicted but you could feel eyes on you and could hear bickering but nothing quite clear of their words.

making dinner for everyone was the last thing, it was easy, it was one thing your family didn't ridicule you over, your cooking made anyone who was having a bad day feel better, there was so much passion that anyone could see and taste.

your tail flowing in an easy, comforting sway and a smile hidden under your muzzle, the first smile to bare your face outside of your room and it felt like this was what would give you your place to stay.

Dishing everyones plates with your home-made meal and taking it to the ghouls and ghoulettes where they each were was apparently unexpected and out of their ordinary, but you had no idea, how would you when you hide away, maybe they would take that into consideration. This was also one of the first times you got to hear others address you, smiles and bright eyes shared when they where blown away by your cooking, you dished up yourself and sat at the island counter crouching on a wooden stool, sitting on them hurts the backs of your legs and crouching was more like hugging yourself anyway.

Soon enough people would march in putting their dishes in the sink giving a thankyou and a smile or a compliment to your cooking, slowly eating your food, savoring each bite, the comments from others causing your tail to pick up its sway with a little flick in it, maybe itll be okay.

You go to put your dish in the sink after rinsing it off when the tall guy from behind the drums approaches, while just as quiet as you he was also playful like the others.

"Hey y/n dinner was amazing, i cant wait til next week to see what you come up with" he exclaimed, "im mountain by the way, i know i didn't exactly introduce myself at all since you first got here, we wanted you to settle in, you seemed very stressed" he added before someone shouted for him from the other room, leaving with a smile and wave.

There was no expectation for you to respond, no expectation to look someone in the eyes, you let out a small chirp joined by a small movement in your hands.

《~♡~》

Back in your room you let your tail wag wildly,  pulling the books you'd been reading up on, you had gotten from them the fact that over the years some churches of sin have allowed a better understanding and acceptance for people and ghouls alike with neurodivergencies to be better recognized and seen as equals, there were things they didn't tell you about back in hell when you were told of your neurotype, like your sounds and movement for self regulation was called stimming and that it can be harmful but it can also be helpful just depending on the purpose and action, you had copied information from the book down on resources and important things you thought would help, these books were the most helpful and the fairy-tale was perfect however you needed a new one since youve read this one so many times you knew every line, you take the books back to the library.

Putting them back on their respective shelfs you pick out two new fairy-tales and stop by the free stuff bin, taking pencil lead an eraser and a new sketchbook, youve already filled your first one in just a few days, you dont have anymore room on the walls around your nest for more loose paper sketches so you need the sketchbook instead.

On your walk back to your room admiring the stained glass windows, lost in thoughts somewhere between regression and big feelings, letting them mingle and intertwine,

So lost in thought you dont see when papa copia started coming closer until he spoke up, "good evening y/n" a small scream torn from you as you are brought back to right now practically jumping out of your skin, your eyes big as you process who it is, the first time anyone has heard your voice in any way and it obviously had to be a panicked scream, this wouldn't sit well with your family, your mind shifting farther into regression, just wanting to be in your room again.

"My apologies little one" littleone? Is it that obvious you think to yourself, "it was not my intention to frighten you, i see youve taken a liking to the library, what books have you got there?" Hanging your head in shame and slight worry you show him the two fairy-tales and he breaks out in a grin "i remember reading those, i might have to look at them once more! A very good choice, Molto bene indeed" finishing up your silent-sided conversation you rush quickly back to your room, theres been too much interaction and what did papa copia mean by 'little one?'

《~♡~》

After a few days of this halfsided banter from the ghouls and papa youre started to feel a little more comfortable.

A knock on your door pulled you from your slumber, the first couple times had made their way into your dream, you get up and open the door to the ghouls and ghoulettes standing in the hall, a few smiles making their way on a few faces, and thats when you realize youre not wearing your mask or muzzle, heat rushing to your ears and cheeks causing your cool grey skin to tint purple, hanging your head in embarrassment while rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, "were sorry to wake you but were meeting early today because papa has a meeting with the clergy and after lessons and practice mix we have the rest of the day off", nodding you return into your room to get changed and to put on your muzzle and mask, the group waiting outside of your room for you to walk with them.

Lessons and practice going by quickly you find yourself in the library,helmet off, curled up and tucked into one of the couches reading another fairy-tale, looking intently at the pictures, your eyes irritated from not getting all of the sleep you normally get, theyre slowly drifting shut, you can only stay awake so much longer before your mind takes you to a rem sleep.

Waking up to mountain shaking you awake he smiles gently, "hey sleepy head, i was looking for you, its lunch time but it seems as though youre tired, we'll get you to your room and ill bring lunch to you there" he was a gentle giant ghoul and although you haven't said anything to anyone youre starting to warm up to him, he puts a book mark in the book and helps you up handing you your mask, you decide to just carry it with you.

Opening your door he hands you the book and you set it down atop your bed along with your mask, "do you want me to knock when i come back?" Thinking for a moment and shaking your head 'no' you'll probably just be asleep again, taking off the muzzle you set it with your mask getting ontop of your empty bed you curl up waiting while slightly dozing.

When he returns he walks in with your plate in hand, "wheres you stuff bud? Did they move you into an unready room?" You once more shake your head, pulling up the bedsheet curtain putting your nest on display, "aaah a safe spot, i completely understand, im here if you need anything, just holler my way" he kids while stepping out.

"Can you- stay?" You mutter through a slightly broken voice, catching him off guard, youre not sure why you asked but he seems easy to open up to, hes kinda like you.

"Id be honored"

You sat there mostly quiet eating but occasionally you'd respond and every time he would be looking elsewhere but the smile on his face said he was paying attention.

The more you got to know him the more you realized youre very similar to him.

《~♡~》

The next couple weeks youd spend lunch with him sharing stories while you sat in your nest and him at your desk, he talked about how fond the ghouls and ghoulettes and even the papas were of you, they all looked forward to you hopefully someday talk full sentences with them but for now with you slowly coming out of your shell, wearing your mask and muzzle less often and spending more time somewhat near the group, for now they were content watching you grow and become more of yourself.

You gave each person a sketch youd do of them from observation and mountain even brought you another sketchbook when he noticed you were running low on pages, you told him why youve been scared to come out of your room and your past experience with your previous summoning, you however didn't tell him why it failed but he understood itll take some time.

《~♡~》

One evening after another one of your delicious meals you were invited to watch a movie with everyone, accepting the offer you show up in your hoodie you just recently bought and pajama pants, socks with sticky tabs on the bottom so you didn't slip on the marble floors, you balled yourself up in a beanbag chair, others had grabbed pillows or stuffed animals from the pile in the corner, you go over to look through the pile, pulling out a well loved multi-textured dog plush, smiling and taking it over to your spot with you, focused on the textures, "very good choice little wisp" mountain hummed, your tail thumping against the bean bag chair, your cheeks and ears dusted purple once more, "i haven't held one since i was very small" you return.

After the movie you gave the plush one last hug before placing it atop the pile, "you know if you want you can take it to your room with you, we have them here for everyone" he encouraged but you shook your head, "he would miss his friends and i dont want to take someone elses opportunity of loving him away", little did you know the ghouls left in the room all felt their hearts melt, this wasnt new to them, theyve met ghouls and people whose minds are permanently part kit, they wouldn't say anything until you said something first, youre part of the family, you deserve to do it on your own terms.

Just the next evening when you returned from the library you come to find a black gift

Bag infront of your door with a tag that has your name on it.

Entering your room you set everything down before you open the bag, youre met with a soft multi-texture plush almost identical to the one from the other night but this one had weighted feet,and a book of several fairy-tales with a few purple tabs on certain pages along with it. A card that says, "a plush specifically for you and your love, i hope you give him a wonderful name, and a book my mother read to me when i was just a kit, one that you dont have to take back to the library"

Holding the plush out infront to look at him your headspace slipping quickly, thankfully you were in the safety of your bedroom and he would fit perfectly into your nest with you.

With plenty of time between now and dinner time, your chores being done and someone else being on dinner duty you took right now to relax.

in comfortable clothes you lay down in your nest with your book and the stuffy you named chip cause he reminded you of chocolate chip cookies, you named him late at night when you were feeling very small and it just stuck.

Closing your eyes when the words in the book were adding to the strain, from all the light today, hunger pulling a whine from you, if you slept for now youd wake up at the perfect time to eat dinner, you might even sit with rain and talk about the books youve read recently outside of the fairy-tales.

Being pulled out of your dreams by someone gently shaking you awake and calling your name, confusion built it way to your face, he doesn't need to knock but normally he chooses to, what brought him in?

"I know youre sleepy but its dinner time and i know you like your routine,  i tried knocking but you were out cold" he states after reading your scrunched and slightly confused face, handing you your bowl, tonight cirrus and swiss made dinner together.

Mountain sits on the floor across from you as you both ate in a comfortable silence, thats one thing about him, he tries to make sure hes not being a trigger for anyone with misophonia.

Eating slowly and running your hand along the textures of your stuffy, "s'named chip" you just barely say aloud, causing him to smile, "thats the most perfect name for him, does he give the best of cuddles?" Nodding youre completely unaware of the fact hes talking to you as if you were a kit, he was just being kind and attentive for all you knew, and while yes thats completely true he also saw through your silence, hes talked to semi-permanent kit-minded ghouls and he knew it was for safety of mind.

Both of you done with dinner, you pull out your sketchbook as he gets up to take the dishes to the kitchen, standing in the doorway looking down at you with a smile upon his face, "do you want me to come back after i put the dishes in the kitchen?" Watching as you ponder for a moment before nodding, looking up at him, never once more than now have you longed for physical contact with someone but you little mind craves it.

He returned quickly to see you moving your nest about, your movements less exact and a little choppy, he could see the irritation when the blankets wouldn't flatten out so he got down to help, fixing it for you he sat back on his knees when you planted yourself down closer to the wall than normal, you pat the spot next to you while holding chip close to your chest.

"You want me to cuddle little wisp?" He questioned already taking his jacket off before you hummed in response.

Cuddling was very common amongst ghouls so there was no questions asked as to why

It was naturally so second nature for most.

Curling into him he holds you close, your head resting on his chest, you could just fall asleep right now but you fought that instinct so you could savor a moment of feeling completely safe, where youre not being overstimulated.

"When i was first summoned i read those exact same books on ghouls with neurodivergencies, i remember reading that someone with a mind like the one both of us have can easily struggle in public environments or around new people"

He retold, causing you to question how he knew you read them.

"Oh wisp, i can hear just how stirring you mind can be, i saw you walking back to the library to return them, i want you to know that you are safe here with me and all of the others, im honored to cuddle, i didn't join a ghoul-pile until several months of being here."

Nodding to yourself, taking a moment to process his words when your own  join the party.

"Jus cant do touch with others almost ever, makes brain hurt and than hurts me aswell"

Your eyes started to sleepily flutterand he picks up the fairy-tales book he brought you, opening it up to one of the purple tabs, some of his favorites.

He read you to sleep, when his pants were starting to put deep seam imprints  into his legs causing him discomfort, he goes to leave the room but is stopped by you plea for him to stay, "ill be right back little mouse."

And like promised he did return in much more comfortable clothes, a blanket and a comfort item of his own, cuddling back up with you halfway ontop of him, covering the both of you with his blanket, setting your temporarily forgotten of stuffie in the corner above your head along with his.

《~♡~》

From than forward you and mountain spent Friday nights in your room reading and cuddling, going to lessons and practice together, he was helping you open up, when it would be your night to make dinner, which you had requested to have more than once a week instead of sink duty because soggy wet hands felt offensive to your skin, he would sit at the island watching unless one of his chores intercepted that period of time or if another ghoul requested his company.

It took five months to ease you out of you shell, at four you had brought up the regression and neurodivergency topics to the others and than out of fear you hid in your room for the weekend until dew stopped by inviting you to watch a movie with the others which you happily obliged to do so, remembering that its okay to be around others and be yourself, that night you sat on the couch behind the ghoul-pile falling asleep with chip in your arms, your tail intertwined with mountains.

Not wearing your mask unless you needed a break or everyone else was, copia had taken you aside at one point to find fabrics that looked like the others but were sensory safe so when it was time for uniforms you would feel comfortable.

At night you would go out to the garden in secret and jump around, spin, stomp, trill, chirp, coo and so much more. It helped tremendously.

《~♡~》

Tonight unlike the others was much louder in your head and harder to feel okay, already regressed you tried stomping around and flailing your hands but without meaning to you were once more pulling on your tail and scratching it painful and raw, the garden was closed for the night with new fertilizer being put down, taking chip you trail your way down to one of the last rooms, the shiny name plate reading 'mountain' you gave a slightly too heavy knock on the door, rocking back and forth on your feet, he answers and is suprised to see you standing there with deep grey tear tracks down your face, chip under your arm and your tail in hand scratching as you fumble with your words.

Letting you in he pats the bed for you to sit down while he turns on the light and pulls a shirt on over your head, sniffles and hiccups break your silence, he take your hands and holds them for a moment, watching the spade of your tail drop small dots of blood onto the marble floor, "come with me little wisp, its okay" he leads you to the bathroom, picking you up and setting you on the counter, lifting his tail for you to hold on, he knew full well you wouldn't scratch his, tracing the scars on his tail had you questioning if he did the same.

As he took hydrogen peroxide cleaning the small cuts and scrapes pulling a hiss from you in reaction, "i know hun, im sorry ive got to be mean and clean it but weve got to take care of it so it doesn't get icky ya-know?" He soothes, "you see the ones on my tail, theyre from the same thing, sometimes i almost start scratching at them again but i normally just hold my tail and put lotion on the scars to feel like im cleaning it up once more"

Once hes done patching you up he once again takes your hands leading you to his bed and looking through his closet. His room was well decorated and filled, a queen sized pillow top mattress and black wooden four poster bed frame against the wall, he had a collection of old trinkets including a camera that takes film, your father used to have one, several gas masks, a homophone record player. On the wall above his desk was a cork board coverd in the drawing youd given him, small trinkets littler his desk, before you could look further he brings over a box of similar small trinkets setting them infront of you.

"You can dump the box out if you want, find whatever works best, i have plenty more" dumping them out you turn the box upside down organizing them, finding three, liking them the most you put the duplicates of them and all the others away back in the box holding onto the three youd picked out, he puts the box under his bed, seating himself next to you, leaning into his side as he turns on one of the movies you'd taken interest in, "hey wisp can i hold chip?", nodding against his chest, paying deep attention to his heartbeat how slow and rhythmic, tapping your tail against the bed in the same beats, occasionally humming and trilling, his left hand running up and down your back, occasionally running though your hair gently.

"Youre gonna be okay little mouse, ive got you".

《~♡~》

Your first ghoul pile was something very special, stuffies piled everywhere, they all had banded together to make the room perfect for your comfort, your favorite music playing in the background, dew and sunshine had found you in the library quietly crying flicking around one of the fidgets mountain gave you

Humming and rocking back and forth, chip sitting ontop of your tail, you couldn't find mountain and you didn't want to taint the energy of your nest. Sunshine sat with you as dew went to find mountain, she lifted chip for a moment, carefully intertwining her tail with yours setting chip on your tails.

Dew returned around 10 minutes late with a smile upon his face, taking your open hand with sunshine carrying chip, they took you through the abbey to the lounge where the blanket, stuffy and pillow pile was spread across the floor, mountain and all the other were waiting, some of them already cuddled up, and others walking around, drawing the curtains and dimming lights, filling up a cooler to keep near the pile, mountain lead you to the group, curling himself around you with chip between the two of you, sunshine still connected to you laying back to back with you.

The first time being so close to the others all together and for once your brain lets it happen, youre not sure whose hand is running through your hair but it causes you to chirp, nuzzling you head into the hand.

Swiss tapping his forehead against yours, "youre welcome to stay as long as you need, this is your pile."

Theyre all so much more calm and centered on one another when theyre cuddled, with the warmth from all of the bodies it made it very easy to slip into a smaller headspace.

Cirrus reaching over mountain to wipe away the tear tracks with a wet cloth, they already had a feeling youd be disoriented with the news of the tour starting at the end of this month and the arrival of the outfits.

Cooing and trilling, others trilling back made you excitedly laugh.

《~♡~》

Youve been attached to at least one ghoul at all times, they knew you liked holding tails until you had to use your charm to pass as human, copia gave you a hug before he headed out first.

This was the first time youve seen mountain wear shoes, it looked as abnormal as it felt to not have a tail.

Standing in your place when papa introduces the band, not paying attention to him but instead the piece in your ear counting down til the lights cut off and mountain and dew are counted in, mountain looks to you taking an exasperated deep breath telling you to take one aswell, feeling the lights go out and the beat of mounts drums through the floor, counting the cymbal crashes and its time for you to join in, as soon as your hands start moving, you feel it, absolute euphoria, youre radioactive with energy,  the fans going wild, youre practically thrashing as you play, prancing around and jumping when youve got time to spare you run up front adding flair and showmanship to the ceremony, interacting with the others.

By the end youre absolutely drained, enough energy to hop about and screech getting rid of the last bit of energy, if all of the tour is like this youre gonna have an absolute blast, mountain hands you a couple drumsticks for you to throw after taking a bow, and than perching yourself in 'frog crouch' on mountains riser next to his drums watching everyone go about their ending routines, people throwing stuff on stage, bracelets and flags to hand made gothic style stuffed animals, the ghouls picking some stuff up to look at em, handing them to the designated ghouls if there was a name and handing the rest to anyone else like yourself, the ghoulettes and even papa, swiss picked up a couple hand made stuffed animals bringing them to sit next to you.

When it was time to leave the stage mountain came over opening his arms, you lean forward wrapping your arms around his shoulders and he sets you down on you feet, grabbing the teddy's leaning into his side, hes completely drenched in sweat but so are you, it was practically a work out so it was worth it.

In the van having let down the human charm you wash up and slip into pajamas, the stuffies and bracelets set in your bunk you stare out the window waiting flicking your fidget around, Cumulus walks by stopping to give you a hug, "you did great wisp, your energy was so contagious. ", nodding and tapping your forehead against hers in a silent communication, you were absolutely exhausted.

As soon as mountain is out of the shower you push yourself into his chest, finally time to rest, and with your favorite ghoul no doubt,  he hands you chip, folding into one another he holds you gently, as he pulls out the fairy tale he reads your favorites in the book, looking down when youre not humming out your regular vocal stims he realizes youve fallen asleep with your head on his chest, his hands running up and down your spine, tail occasionally thumping against the bed followed by nuzzling against him, "sleep well little wisp, you were so radiant tonight.

《~♡~》

Your room at the church of sin was finally decorated, still sleeping in your nest, the ghouls helped you assemble a proper loft bed with the mattress from your previous bed as part of the nest below, stuffies from the tour everywhere and bracelets hung on a set of racks to display them, posters scatterd on your walls, some plushies piled on the top matteress but keeping that open for the most part if someone wants to hang out. A bookshelf full of normal books and fairy-tales,  a starry curtain over your window with a matching opposite one around your nest. Chip in his spot as always hes constantly waiting for your cuddles.

Drawings of both your own and others, many interpretation of what fans saw you as, they call you gargoyle, but to the ghouls youre just a little wisp or little mouse, you were your most accurate self, you were finally at home.

(Accidentally posted the unfixed version, sorry bout that)

[things-that-weevils-do]

ive been turning these 2 around in my mind so so much lately... id like to share why i like them, so ill do so under cut :)

what draws them together? both of their traumas are part of them. neither of them are going to 'get better' in the expected way. they can learn to cope with their struggles, possibly get medications to help with that, but that's it. theyre similar in many things ('their trauma isnt leaving', both are suicidal "feeling suicidal/i wish i wasnt alive" "i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL"), neither like who they are as people "all the pretty girls make me not wanna be me" "do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know?") and both of their songs are about their relationships with other people, even if its not the main theme

weevildoing said this about disposable girl. with chemical girl, its more obvious

this gives them both a deeper understanding of each other !! even though their traumas are still different, theyve got this similarity. they could talk about that, relate to each other, etc...

another thing that draws them together: their interests, id say! she was a skater girl she was a fitness girl, can i make it any more obvious... most of their hobbies arent the exact same, but they are at least in a similar vein id say - anime and gundam, skating and fitness, rap and megan thee stallion. they could easily enjoy each other's interest, i think!:)

what stands in the way? misunderstanding and miscommunication. i think that (when theyre first getting to know each other, at least) disposable wouldnt stand up for herself/tell chemical when shes uncomfortable/when chemical says something that upsets her ("being mistreated would at least mean im real" "that at least means youre someone that they wanna be around"). she'd feel like voicing these things would cost her her and chemical's relationship. i also feel like she wouldnt see this as something worth communicating, possibly

thatd be a problem in all relationships ofc, but itd upset chemical girl especially. she has a hard time forming relationships ("i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know?"). she pushes others away so that she cant hurt them ("theres no point in getting close, leave me alone"). i think that if she and disposable got close, and she found out that it isnt communicating its feelings, shed be upset !! yknow ?? thinking that youve finally found a friend that likes you as you are, when in reality ur just hurting them with everything that you say... getting close to someone for the first time in forever, opening up, just to find that out would probs frustrate her

have an example of smth that i think that would happen when theyre first getting to know each other

i think they'd communicate this eventually tho:) yay yippee! im communication and im understanding🏳️‍🌈the girlfriends

what are their good traits? they want to be there for each other, to help each other grow, to understand one another!! like in "what draws them together?", they understand each other more than the average person. they could help each other accept this - like, its easier to accept people for things that you beat yourself up about, yknow? were more strict with ourselves than other people, its easier to deem someone else as deserving of love than yourself, etc etc... since theyre similar in many things, they could learn to love themselves while they start to love each other !! i hope that makes sense..

them sharing hobbies would be SOOO so cute!!! chemical teaching disposable fitness so that she has an outlet for her frustration, disposable teaching chemical how to skate... chemical showing it gundam, her figurine collection, disposable showing her anime, them listening to rap together.... it would be so cute !!!!! i think disposable would enjoy fitness, but would be embarassed by being bad at it/being slow/sweating a lot/etc. chemical would be cheering her on, proud of her for the smallest improvements... likewise, i think chemical would suck at skating. steps on the skateboard and it explodes. u know how it is

what makes them hopeless at romance? ARGHHH "what to do, when everybody that ive loved has only up and left me?" "im alwasy left out of everything" "nobody fuckinf wants me" vs "theres no point in getting close, leave me alone" "i dont think you should come by my place tonight" "nobody can keep up with me"... need i say more...

i think they should latch onto each other like leeches and never let go

thank you if youve read this far:) theyre so everything to me !!!! theyre sooo... god... shaking them!!!! arghrrrr!!! chemwaste!!! save me chemwaste!!!

(both of these poses are from mellon_soup)

[pouringmyheartoutforpaper]

it’s midnight and i just. i have this stuck in my head.

steve who’s used to every little disagreement turning into a big fight so he snaps/yells at reader and when they don’t return that fight and just kind of shutdown steve panics and feels so so guilty

my love you hit me in the soft spot. i cry so hard whenever anyone even slightly yells at me.

tw: not a lot but i thought id put one to make sure everyones safe <3: bit of a disagreement, reader with vague past relationship trauma if you squint, sensitive reader, anxious reader, oblivious steve, in love steve, steve in general. if anything from above is something you cant handle right now thats perfectly okay and ill see you next time!

steve is very very very gentle. hes calm and collected and mostly rational. so arguments are extremely rare.

but today steve was tired. oh so tired. and he missed you. so much. so when you were being almost silent on the car ride home from the bi-weekly dinner with the kids, robin and eds, he was freaking out.

the waitress was very subtly flirting with him. in a way where only the girls at the table knew what was going on.

of course steve had no interest in her, for gods sake. he didnt even look at her for more than two seconds.

you werent mad at him. no, he handled it very well. he passed all the tests. you were just sad. comparing yourself to the blonde waitress. thinking about how many people want him that you dont even know about. the little voice in your head saying “why does he want you?” and looking for signs of infidelity, coming back emptyhanded as always, shamefully reminding you that hes not your past relationships.

so no you werent mad at him. you were mad at you.

but we all know hes a little bit… slow sometimes. so that doesnt even occur to him.

what if you lost interest in him? what if you think hes annoying? why are you mad at him?

his fears only heightening when you give him a small smile when he opens the front door for you, instantly heading to the kitchen to get some water, hoping itll make you feel better.

“whats your problem tonight?”

oh.

“…what?” and you stare directly down at the countertop because you can already feel yourself tearing up at his tone.

“what do you mean ‘what?’. youve been acting weird since we left.”

he really doesnt mean for it to sound so angry, if you listened a little closer you might be able to hear the desperation in his voice.

“…the waitress”

“what?”

“she was flirting with you.

“what?”

he throws his head back and puts his hands to his face in exasperation. before realizing that youre a little too quiet… and shaking?

his tone brought back memories and fear. fear that he would just find someone else since you were bothering him. and youd be left alone again, but only this time unable to pick up the pieces.

and now hes horrified because he didnt mean to sound angry, he was just frustrated and didnt even think about how sensitive his girl was to things like that.

but you were too far gone now. your ears ringing and your breath escaping you. fighting back tears with every bone in your body, and losing said fight.

and so you turned around to look at him. and your eyes betray you once more. instantly filling with tears that make steves face drop and heart fall.

“m’sorry steve” but your voice falters and breaks before the first sob racks through your body, walking as quickly as you can to his bedroom to clean yourself up.

HES FREAKING OUT SO BAD

he feels absolutely awful. poor man starts crying too, but makes himself stop for his apology, not wanting to scare you further.

following behind you and knocking on his own door.

“babydoll, can i come in?”

youre standing in front of his mirror. eyes puffy and red and shaking. you knew steve wouldnt leave. you knew he wasnt like that. but you were crying anyways, which only made you cry more out of embarrassment.

“…yeah” you call weakly, still not looking up as he opens the door.

his arms are around you instantaneously

“‘m so sorry baby i didnt mean to sound angry, i wasnt thinking. im sorry.”

“its okay, im sorry i-”

“no, you have nothing to be sorry for. you’re allowed to get sad. theres nothing wrong with it, id never judge you for that. i was just being… stupid cause i didnt get it y’know? i mean i literally am horrifyingly in love with you. im like obsessed with you… not in a weird way…. anyways! and i get jealous all the time. like everyday, even over small things. that barista the other day? coulda killed that guy. y’had me studying how to make lattes babe.”

and of course youre giggling. his polo shirt saturated with tears and pure joy.

“i love you so much.”

“i love you most. i know you dont really think id look at anyone but you, right? but if you need confirmation i will go and take back the tip we gave that lady.”

more giggles.

and that was the difference. steve embraced your sensitivity. he loved it actually. loved the way you care about things. love the way you pick up on energies before anyone else. loves everything about you. including some of the not so pretty things.

[brutaliakent]

// Not Tim Drake friendly

Like idk how to start this but I'll just profess by saying that majority of what I talk about is about his fanon characterisation and if you get offended then in the nicest way possible idgaf

Like why is Tim so fucking infantalized in fanon like some of his fans so obsessed with making him oppressed and a victim when he's not. Its like him in comics canon and him potrayed by fandom by 90% of fics I've read are two totally different person.

He's like a mediocre person in comics at best, I dont like him but I dont mind him either. Also he is written as a misogynist and his treatment of his gfs is abominable but I let it slide cuz maybe it was the writers fault idk

But the way fans potray him to be this holier than thou- never doing anything wrong and smartest robin (cue eyeroll) is wild and wholey inaccurate cuz like he's not. Canonically they're all similar iq and they're all trained by a detective so they're quite good at it, Dick was a mathelete and Jason had solid GPA of 94.8 and Tim dropped out of school to search for Bruce. He is tech savvy and good at computers but he's not the only one from the batfamily to be that is he, I'd say Barbara is the best at that but don't forget Dick used to be a hacker too like I've seen some of yall treat him as this one dimensional sunshine person who has eldest daughter syndrome but like he also has temper and he's clever and sharp and if I'm not wrong he even as degree in Business in main dc universe but that's besides the point

Also headcanoning him as asian feels weird and very playing into stereotype of asians being this super smart people (when there's no proof he's anything but white in canon)

Fanon also for some strange reasons hold on to Jason and Damian trying to kill him and saying how much it would have caused him trauma while completely removing him from the scene except for that scenario. Let me explain for example Damian trying to kill him where they forget the instigator of some are Tim too like he was legit 17 yr old beefing with 10 yr old bffr, did we also collectively ignore him putting the same 10 yr old on a hitlist like... yall act like this was a buffet and you can pick and choose but the thing is that you can pick and choose what to accept from canon but if you're picking Tim being attacked by Dami then maybe mention what he did too instead of victimizing him

Just kinda throwing it in here cuz we're talking about it, Dick didnt fire Tim from Robin because of bad faith, I'm pretty sure it was Alfred who gave Damian the Robin suit first but Dick didnt want Tim to be Robin because Dick saw Tim as an equal rather than a sidekick.

Also the big deal of Jason's attack on Titans Tower irks me a little but like pls remember that Jason made a last minute decision to go there and just beat the shit out of Tim and that's it and it wasnt nice of him to do that but I support his wrongs too

Since we're talking about Titans Tower fics anyways I also find it incredibly peculiar that writers (fanfic) potray him much younger than he was like Tim was 17 during UTRH and around 19 during Teen Titans #29

(Also pretty sure like 99.9% sure that Jason calling Tim 'Replacement' also came from fanon and it was from j*yt*m shippers so like 😵‍💫,, although Jason did call him 'Pretender' in Batman Hush a few times)

(Also highjacking this to talk about Pit madness cuz for some reason there are too many fics about it so like please remember that pit madness and the extent of it is just a fanon thing there is no proof of it happening for more than 5 mintues in canon and Jason was not the only one besides Ra's to use it but Cassandra has also been in the pit... So like yeah Jason did some fucked up shit post resurrection and he did it willingly no supernatural green pool was involved and its ok ❤️, like let him be his own person)

That went majorly off tangent,,, anyways also Tim was never abused physically or otherwise by his parents, they neglected him and child abandonment too for sure (ALSOOOO He spent more thanhalf of his school life in boarding school so it probably won't count as child abandonment but I dont know if its canon to main universe so I'm just putting it out there)

Adding to that is a fanfic issue that is around the potrayal of him in fics where Jason didnt die or wouldn't die and Tim joined the family early, most of those are pretty harmless and wholesome and this is not the critique of those writers so don't take personally but idk how it got so polarising and popular that Tim was a tiny kid and when he and Jason met younger (most fics I've read were from 3rd pov or Jason's pov) and in most of them it is stated that Tim is smaller for his age and Jason mistakes him for a younger age which just doesnt make sense. Like it would be one thing for someone else like Dick or Bruce to make that assumption and entirely different for Jason cuz CANONICALLY Jason was shorter at 15 than Tim was at 13 and it makes sense cuz Jason was malnourished which resulted in stunted growth rate, so like you're telling me that Jason at 15 saw 13 year old Tim and assumed he was 9 like it just doesnt make sense to me

And look this may be seen as nitpicks (and it probably is) but if it was in smaller quantity it could be ignorable but its everywhere and my patience is not endless and I'm fucking tired of him.

Also just to throw that in that all the bulleted points while in themselves alone may seem annoying but harmless, arent all of them together as fanon perception of him just infantalising him overall like its not they're true or anything...

Like lets be real Tim was just a blatant robin self insert, he was 13 when he went to a grieving father whos son was recently murdered and basically blackmailed him into making him robin cuz he thought "Batman needs a Robin" like dude you're 13... also can you imagine how Bruce must have felt in situation like but I dont think blaming Tim for this is right cuz he was a child and he didn't know better

Glorifying a white, rich (because yes he was rich enough to be neighbours with Wayne) character and demeaning and villanising a person of color and a dead poor person (cant keep track of how many times there's implied or outright said that Jason's death is his fault and how Tim's much smarter than Jason and better than him despite having no street smarts on him and being a trust fund baby)

Howevere, it'll be incredibly in poor taste to say that those weren't rooted in racism and classism [because they were] and its not Tim's fault his writers were disgusting but it is furthered and accepted and preached in fanon so like that's no excuse imo

Also if we include him with Robins he is not that special like he dont stick out ... and he terribly lacks any creativity and imagination like he took the mantle of robin and then red robin which like he didnt think through.

And like I'm not dismissing his trauma from attempts on his death but he was robin for 3-4 years before Jason tried to kill him I'm plenty sure he's used to his life being in danger comes with job description and if he didnt want that.. well nobody asked him he served himself on silver platter to be traumatised so yeah

So yeah fanon tim is my number one enemy and idc about him in canon and if you disagree with this please make your own post

This was a long vent of a short(lmao) list of just things that bother me

[squidthesquidd]

What is a fictive and what does "kin" or "f/o" mean? :3, i don't mean any malice, i'm just curious as i've seen these words a few times and i understand if you don't want to talk about it if it irks you.

no problem :D ! we love explaining sys things!

so im gonna write this with the assumption that you dont rlly know anything abt system stuff so this could be kinda long.

so, i have dissociative identity disorder (also known as DID) which means that due to early childhood trauma, our child brain wasnt able to form properly, so it split into several different identities called "alters". a collective of alters is also called a system! and our system name is the "Shoal system" (a shoal being a group of squids)

alters are pretty much their own people! with their own thoughts and feelings and can even have different sexualities and genders. and some can feel like theyre not human :D

"fictives" are a kind of alter! they are an alter based on a fictional outside source, like a tv show, movie, or book. an example of a fictive would actually be me! im a fictive of nightshade malto from transformers earthspark! and while all fictives are different, what it means for me is that I go by the name Nightshade, i see myself as a Terran, and i have a lot of pseudo-memories of being nightshade malto "before" i was in the system :]

we have a lot of fictives in our system, including like- five different megatrons lmao

Now, as for "kin". this can mean a lot of things for different people! for some it just means you heavily relate to a character or an animal, but for others it can be a spiritual thing! where they believe they were this character or animal in a past life!

we have a few alters that kin! none kin characters, but three of them believe they were animals in their past lives and still identify as them (i personally dont know a whole lot this, but i think they are therians?)

and as for F/O, it means fictional other. it's basically just self-shipping :] some of us have self-inserts we ship with fictional characters, but we're not really part of that community 👍

[acinomthecat]

Some of my angsty hcs about what happened during and after Operation Blackout

(cw: trauma mention)

Gary still has physical scars from Herbert’s attack, specifically claw scars.

Gary mentioned how he felt more nervous and unstable after being frozen, and assumed it was because the freezing affected his brain, but it wasnt just that, he also developed post-trauma after the attack, and avoided hugs and not letting anyone touch his arms for a while (due to how Herbert grabbed and manhandled him in the trailer)

For some evidence to why i headcanon Gary developed ptsd after Operation Blackout, was because his comments about feeling more nervous and strange happened whenever he speaks as a mascot during his in-game appearance, because a lot of people must have been hugging, crowding, and grabbing his arm to get his attention, accidentally triggering him

Jet Pack Guy became more and more irrational and snappish as more of his friends were captured, but Rookie getting captured was the tipping point and made him try to attack Herbert by himself without a plan, leading to his capture (I pictured Jet Pack as more collected and composed, and would always have a plan)

JPG gave away his jet pack fuel to light more generators and stoves for the civillians, to explain why he wasnt able to escape the crabs

Dot designed the Klutzy and Herbert costume, and even designed the catalog requested by Herbert in hopes of him sparing the rest of the penguins

Dot in the Herbert/Klutzy disguise nearly shut down the sun laser by herself before getting captured, to explain how the EPF was able to obtain the map and layout of Herbert’s hideout

Rookie tried to give as much emotional support to epf agents and keep their spirits up after operation blackout since their base got destroyed

Partially the reason to why Rookie was kidnapped before JPG, because not only did Herbert knew that Rookie was easier to capture, but he planned to also lure out JPG, since Rookie and JPG are really close (yes I ship Jetkie)

[childotkw]

(omg sorry for the long post!!)

I have this fanfic idea in my head for years now and it is one of them i often fantasize about (yea i have many different ones. i just let them play in my head like a movie while staring into space or while listening to music) but anyway, sometimes harry is a boy but most time hes a girl version. He/she has this mad talent about getting in and out of any situation or place she needs to. He/she has this shady business where she steals for clients in exchange for money, or sometimes for pleasure because hes a bloody magpie and likes shiny things. The harder the mission the more she likes it (danger junky). I even imagined his/her apartments/hide-out place in great details (and the booby traps). Anyway, the ministry is under Voldemorts control, under guise as Minister Riddle. He gets involved in trying to trap her/him after she manages to sneak into his mansion (and skillfully avoids all the detection tools) and she robs his ring, escapes right under his nose too... (She has no clue that she robbed from a dark lord yet, that wasnt in her extensive research). That moment is when his obsession starts. She is already wanted by the ministry but he now gets involved. I have this scene where he lays a trap and she is in his grasp however she uses the ring as a bartering chip for her freedom (she thought she might have to use it when she realised a dark lord was after her). She placed it in a dangerous place surrounded by enemies, a place only she can sneak into but something goes wrong cos theres a rat in voldemorts inner circle and she gets caught. Before getting caught she manages to send the ring to him but he still decides to get her out of there and gets into full murder/war scene (he wanted to get rid of this group of enemies anyway). Shes pissed of. She could have gotten herself out even after the torture sessions, thank you very much. 😂 Anyway a fic full of (sexual or other) tension between the two, trying to get one over the other. A lot of wump, vulnerability, power play, childhood trauma, inner demons ect.. Theres so much more but ye, sorry, just felt like sharing and see where u go off on this haha, cos ur brain is super interesting and i never had the skill to write something even if i have so many ideas. Mind you, i tried starting on my own novel but im just not a writer, if something could just take it straight from my brain to paper, that would be awesome 😂😂😂 (futur AI?? Haha) xxx

(Imma borrow a concept from American Gods for this because it's too good not to!)

When Harry is four she finds a coin on the ground. It's gold, and shiny and to a little girl it's the prettiest thing she’s ever seen. So she picks it up and puts it in her pocket - and it's the best decision she ever made.

Because her pretty little trinket is, not that she knows it at that point, a leprechaun's coin. Imbued with pure luck, this little coin changes her life, and brings with it certain traits.

A need for mischief, the ability to come out of any situation on top, a love for all things shiny. And that combination, introduced to someone so young, well...it's only natural that Harry would grow a taste for thievery.

Years fly by and Harry, with her lucky coin held close, begins to gain a reputation as someone who can get in and out of impossible situations, in and out of impenetrable places, and collect valuable items. She can't help herself - it's almost an addiction, and no one is better than her.

Her current wanted poster - no image, because she's too lucky for that - is framed on the wall of her hideout.

Harry never turns down an interesting job, so when someone asks her to break into Minister Riddle's house and steal some documents, she agrees because why wouldn't she? Riddle's a dick of a politician, and Harry might not be heavily involved in the politics of her country but she gets a special kind of joy from fucking over assholes.

She breaks into his house, grabs the documents, and on her way out she sees a ring. It's gaudy, truly a hideous thing, but Harry wants it.

So she takes it.

How was she to know that that ring would be the thing that brings down the full attention of the Minister on her? How was she to know that her dickhead of a Minister was actually a fucking Dark Lord and petty as shit.

Harry likes a challenge but she likes living more - and something tells her that even with her lucky coin, she wouldn't come out of that fight unscathed.

And so begins their dance. Harry on the run, Riddle at her heels, back and forth, up and down, the two of them circling each other like cats.

Riddle's growing obsession with the person clever and quick enough to outmanoeuvre him.

Harry's addiction to adrenaline making her take more risks.

This is the most fun either of them have had in years.

[liquidstar]

Ok so, I have only ever watched one episode of Adventure Time, and it was on a hotel room TV, in terrible hindi dub, and I barely remember it on account of being 10(?) but it horrified me.

I remember the MCs trying to get Ice King a girlfriend or something, but he keeps being a gross asshole so they take him to a lake and point at some swans to try and explain love to him. They point to two swans kissing like ':D' and he's like 'ewww' and then the male swan suCKS IN AND EATS THE FEMALE and IK's like ':)))' while the boys stare in horror.

IDR how the episode ended or how much I watched, but I remember thinking 'wow american cartoons are hardcore. I'm sticking to pirated pokemon from now on.'

And you are telling me that show had lesbians in it leter????

oh my god im so sorry but imagining you watching that swan scene as a 10 year old is so fucking funny, i can understand why you stuck with pirated pokemon LOL

adventure time is absolutely very fucked up in a lot of different ways. the early seasons leaned into that type of absurd shit you just described a lot more especially. while the later ones actually started getting more existential and building on the worlds lore.

there wasnt exactly a focused plot, per say. i mean, there was, but it wasnt something methodical and planned out, it was played by ear. and i think it really worked. the way they did it turned out a really cool magic system (based on the idea that reality is just collective perception, and magic users are aware of this and can manipulate perception ergo reality. but the more cosmic knowledge you have the more insane or depressed you become etc especially if youre mortal), and also cool world building (it takes place in a post apocalypse after a nuclear war, now far into the future the face of the earth has completely changed but the horrors unleashed still impact it today), and also a lot of really amazing themes (the world is always changing and nothing is ever permanent, but no matter how things change things also stay the same, in a different way. especially where bonds and love are concerned. everything stays.)

and YEAH there are lesbians (i mean i always hc marcy as bi but still). and they also come from the shows improvisational nature. theres a lot of genuinely really amazing relationships and plotpoints born out of that to me. like, as the show starts to get a lot more thematically dense later on it can seem like a weird shift. some ppl say it got pretentious over time bc its not as goofy (its still pretty goofy lol), but i think it worked... like... perfectly.

because its a coming of age story where the main character actually ages, it actually feels so right that the world around him begins to seem different too. it makes sense that when he was 12 we were doing stupid goofy adventures, when he was 15 we were watching him deal with a lot of really fucked up trauma, and when he was 17 we watched him learn to grow as a person who thinks beyond simple terms of good and evil.

i know im tottaaallly rambling at this point but theres really an insane amount to talk about with adventure time. the timeline alone is ridiculous. but mostly i think my passion comes down to the fact that i was also growing up with the story, always around the same age as the mc going through similar stuff... even now, the story is focusing on a depressed 20-something trying to find whimsy in her life again. and technically the last episode timeline-wise is about accepting death lol

so like idk how exactly id recommend it to a new viewer, its really possible that a lot of ppl wont be able to really tolerate the early seasons as adults (i mean, i think theyre charming, but i have nostalgia goggles lol). that being said i think that its a series totally worth a shot for everyone... eventually. if it sounds interesting you just gotta accept the goofiness at first and trust that youre in for something wild in a totally different way later on. and totally unique and cool and special in a way nothing else has really been able to capture for me since.

TL;DR: no yeah the show was incredibly fucked up and that swan did eat that other swan. but it does have themes and also lesbians.

[laertesthelocalstranger]

Oh noooooo don't tell my employees my big secret I don't want revealed it would be such a shame I love my secrets so much and don't serve a big eyeball of secrets-revealed at all :((

- @elias-magnusnt

There you are! I was wondering when you would show up. that being said:

STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING JONAH MAGNUS GOD DAMN FOOL STATEMENT COLLECTING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT AVATAR OF THE WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING JONAH MAGNUS

STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT JONAH MAGNUS I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE HAVE SO MUCH FUCKED UP INFORMATION WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST SET HIS ANTICHRISTS LOOSE IS HE DEAD IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST BEARD GET AWAY FROM ME

if i wanted to get into heaven and god said jonah magnus' waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down

if i have to deal with jonah magnus speaking one word in person on voice in universe not only will I walk away i will tear out my seams out of spite and have to restart my entire life again for the experience of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned or alive 

i dont even know why i hate him so much. he collects trauma stories but i am just mad because i am angy

he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos a fan of creepypasta and wanted the irl version ill go ham

BETTER have had a statement-giver make him kill a man cuz if he didnt Im going to make him

paypal.com/IFuckingHateJonahMagnus

conversation not even about him. vaguely mentioned what is supposed to maybe be his institute and I lost it 

where the fuck is jonah magnus if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt

crusty old man

ill punch magnus and his sad frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final tape he kept on him at all times simply marked Now You Fucked Up in ancient yiddish

im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point

i hope theres a date given for when jonah died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phone 

everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who had so many fucked up if true statements

[burning-sol]

SPOILER WARNING FOR EVERYTHING YEAH

rumi - lived several consecutive lives of tragedy trying to shield themselves from terrible trauma by taking on new identities, coming to the point they lost track of who they really were, they became rumi after acquiring the holy blade which was used as a way for zuen to feed rumi visions that enforced the identity zuen wanted them to have and rumi spends the campaign becoming disillusioned with said identity and in the end becomes elena <- and this is very much a summary but rest assured rumi is very identity fucked

exandroth - eldritch angel who i headcanon was influenced by zuen to become a bloodthirsty retribution seeking guy, has a very wounded ego and took that out on peter, over the campaign picks up human traits and is less bloodthirsty, BUT THEN GETS STABBED and starts wanting to possess rumi and acts like rumi probably wants to be rumi, but then you find out that exandroth has a peter form like WHAT THE FUCK did she start being that when possessing peter does exandroth even consider itself an angel anymore, and it actually IS an angel which exandroth literally got (as far as we know) all the rest of her kind killed, so he's very much an outlier, also gave up maybe its literal heart or like symbolically its heart or like some sort of essence probably to make the robots who did the killing, you know i like to imagine that exandrothwas given a robot heart in return like yeah robotic angel now

thanatos - a guy who's soul was put in a robot who then became a murder robot guy, who was then abducted by the royal family and made to believe he wasnt a murder robot guy, but then he remembered he WAS a murder robot guy, and he killed his adoptive dad and left to go on the robot murder mission he was given but then learnt to be more than just a murder robot, also he meets tristan who also made him who is like "you should totally just blow up the world" like he put than in thanatos' coding, also exandroth who was his bro also turned out to be his mom???? hey . oh also he's the last murder robot out of all the murder robots that all looked exactly like him.

rolan deep - so rolan was a kid that died and then rolan deep the bug came out of it who still had the memories of original rolan who carried out school life and left the hive that had been starting so the hive was like "lol wait we sorta needed him" so rolan goes off and probably utterly dosnt like himself becomes an alcoholic and drinks so much than he literally is built different, then he comes back to galloway and starts the bug apocalypse and doesnt know he's a bug but finds out and its like oh shit!! but thne hes like nah i think im still a guy and then like helps blow up the hive you know how it is.

roachel rant - aka the hive queen who first assimilated rachel into the hive and we dont really have a gague for how much rachel influenced her but it's my headcanon that the entire concept of a human collective whatever was pulled from rachel and informed how the hive would end up being structured and that roachel rant actually shares a lot with rachel rand like the hive queen and rachel rand become roachel rant something new that is sort of both of them but neither of them and roachel rant isnt even evil but like misguided after having to rationalise human concepts when she's actually a bug alien, do you think they were even bugs or did rachel make them take the form of bugs maybe rachel had a bug interest after all they ARE imposter things what if they were never bugs at all and that was all rachel's influence

gillion tidestrider - he was given up as a baby to the elders and trained to be a weapon with barely any exposure if at all to the outside, was only visited by his sister edyn who gave him pretzel and even she would slowly be unable to visit gillion, gillion's whole identity before development revolved around trying to be the chosen one BUT ALSO always failed to BE the chosen one, and gillion developed a very black and white view of morality which directly led to him going to stab jay's dad which led to him getting banished by the ones who informed his identity to that points and instilled those values

william wisp - he DIED. oh yeah and he thought there was an afterlife but there wasnt so he's had to deal with that. also he's dead. btw he is so morally grey he's not far from being a villain his recent stuff has been dark. did i mention he died. dont worry she got revived by dakota's heart and also got tits (thats definitely canon) but also she is definitely not far from dying again it will most definitely happen. did i mention she died.

the greats - yeah so these are five girlies that got put into a catboys body and sort of maladapted to vyncent idk but also they nearly fucking died being stuck in vyncent's body and then they went home and they got pulled out of vyncents body and im not sure if they're even alive because they looked very nearly dead can someone fact check this

ryan selecruh - aka jyan the name that he has because he has to have it to be in the j-crew and he says this "are you saying that my defence mechanism where i put on a different personality around every single person i know is a self destructive behaviour, and that im ruining my life and eventually i will implode with all these personalities and i will lose who i am truly inside"

jebediah lightbringer - LITERALLY SPENDS LIKE THE ENTIRE CAMPAIGN BEING AN UNRELIABLE NARRATOR JEBEDIAH DOESNT EVEN REMEMBER HOW HE BECAME BLIND??????

if you read through all of this ty u are so cool thanks for hearing my rant abt my blorbos

[roxyzwritez]

Stevens Trauma, and My Own Parallels.

tw: SH, su1c1d3 mentions, mental unwellness. this post gets fucking depressing. under the cut is my tale. im definitely not channeling that one person who makes detailed and really good analyses of stevwn universe... completely unrelated haha impatheticsometimes

alright. steven meltdown arc. love it.

i dont have ptsd but there are definitely relatable parts. "i need to help everyone and forget about myself" is how i spent covid. very (unintentionally) toxic atmosphere with my old friend group. a congregation of mentally unstable teens. everyone, essentially daily, having hard suicidal moments. and me panickimg and trying to talk them out of it. i wasnt amazing at it cuz they tried anyway, maybe going back at the last minute. never lost anyone, prob out of hard luck. the need to help. i was exhausted but i kept going. our collective signal for feeling suicidal was a :) and every time i see it i feel uneasy. even if only for a second. but it doesnt go away. its horrifying. i see it and i start overanalyzing the context it was used. does this person want to commit? how can i help? ok maybe i do have some trauma.

not talking abt my problems to make ppl happy. the amount of times i wanted to kms and i put a little :) in my status and id get flooded with messages. it felt painfully nice having ppl care (genuinely painful: hated myself. ppl being warm and supportive and caring made me cry and made me ANGRY. i felt like a fraud- oh hey, that sounds familiar!) and i would be like nono, see im fine. id essentially try to weakly gaslight my fucking friends into believing i was perfectly fine. oh that status saying i want to die? idk what ur talking about bro... not me! that post in my channel talking abt me hating myself? ur just imagining things. guess what? i knew that was wrong. it made me hate myself even more. i put up barriers and cut myself off from my closest ppl. i actually blocked people or just ignored them. i would push ppl away and, somehow despite their own problems, they still stuck by my side. god i would subtly ask for help and then get upset when someone answered. id be like no this isn't how youre supposed to do this. id be like you dont know how bad i am. im so horrible. (i had fuel for this too- i am into very taboo shit and i hate it honestly. yeah its fiction but i just. eygh. its all just trauma related im assuming but that doesnt help.) of course i never shared exactly what but i hoped they'd take my word for it. they always saw thru my bullshit lol.

one time. someone who was very good at comforting me was tryinh to get me to imagine a happy place. just to think of when im feeling bad. i was having none of it. but they did the right thing and continued. i freaked the fuck out and deleted my channel- with months of history. gone. and i blamed them. i was so angry at myself and them but more so me. i was so horrible there. i was like YOU COULDVE JUST STOPPED LIKE I TOLD YOU TO. i made them feel like shit.

i lost my train of thought but yeah as cr1tikal said, that's about it have a good o-

[yeahmiknight]

My system is so weird because....its got a really weird way of operating and people say im faking DID because of it which...im not I dont think??? Eh I guess ill go into more detail proceeds to dump life story Gonna make something clear: Im not an Endo(?), I did not choose to be a system. My system came from trauma and even if we have stuff like fictives and all that, this is a real thing. Im not being a system for any type of gain, people dont understand how painful it is to be this way sometimes. It hurts sometimes. For the longest time I denied being a system because of some online drama stuff. Mainly because I thought people would just assume it was an excuse when I started acting completely different and I always just assumed I was broken in some form of weird way, which I ended up calling BPD which was HALF RIGHT?? Before I truly came to terms with the fact I was a system, I had 2 beings who I now understand are alters who would talk to me- well only one of them would really talk to me the other would talk AT me in a sense or just force front. One of them I now know is a/the persecutor. For about a few years of my life up until very recently my persecutor had been one pulling most of the strings because I had no idea this guy was co-fronting or just fronting in general and assumed that it was just me being a terrible person, so I always made sure to say it was my fault when anything happened, I never fought, I never really defended myself, I just took everything. My persecutor would always start stuff and then back off when the aftermath came up so I would have to try to figure out what was going on while I had people yelling at me for saying things I didnt even know or doing things I wasnt aware of. It wasnt until one of my good friends came to me while I was questioning something about systems and let me talk to a guy who actually was a system and it turned out I checked almost every single box for being a system. Of course I continued to deny it like an idiot and even tried to repress my own thoughts out of fear that I truly was in an effort to try and get it to go away???? as if that would work??? hello what was I thinking. Eventually I started coming to terms with the fact I was a system and thats when more alters started popping up. Now for about the part of my system experience that people try to get at me for. Me and my alters can communicate really well, I can talk to them, they talk to me (for the most part) they talk to eachother and its lalalalalala. I barely have any memory fog and when I do the intensity seems to be weirdly fluid? Sometimes ill remember most stuff but other times my memory will just be blanker than a white sheet of paper. Ive tried to develop a way for my alters to be able to front when they need/want too and let other people know through emojis as my alters sometimes wanna pop around discord, this doesnt work all the time of course as sometimes we just forget or they dont want to change the emojis but its how we do it. After figuring out I was a system we all kinda...collectively banned together to not let the persecutor front? Hes a really bad guy im talking....really....really bad guy, we know we cant just hold him down forever but we try I guess. My fictives are an odd. Considering the fact they are almost all objects because thats the main type of media I consume? They all formed under very weird circumstances for some reason. Four of them just started developing randomly, one was spawned because of the stress of RETAIL apparently? And one spawned because of a lady at Walmart tryna square up because I scanned her item twice and she was tryna beat the life outa me r something. They dont act exactly like their sources and I mean thats fine they can do what they want. The weird thing I guess is the one that spawned because of the lady thing didnt even do anything when they arrived, the minute they kinda showed up they immediately backed off. I dunno where this post went I just wish there was a place I could talk freely about these guys and their antics.

[pympartic]

:[ Figuring Out Yellowjacket's Origin ;;/ Protector and Prosecutor. ]

Terminology Guide ! System ; A collective term for all entities within one body. Alter ; A personality within a System often spawned as a response to intense or long term childhood trauma. Front ; The personality currently controlling the actions of a System Protector ; A common role for alters in a system focused on protection from Physical, Mental, Emotional and other Threats. Prosecutor ; A role for Alters who actively sabotage the system due to internalized self-hate and negative inputs.

It goes without saying that the comics handling of Pym's D.I.D has not been exactly favorable if or when it is used / brought up. From using it as a vector to have hank do a villain arc (ew) or to simply make him unhinged (ew) its safe to say its rarely been used as an actual storytelling tool as far as Hank's story is concerned. One thing that really adds to this is how his D.I.D often comes to be, that being either randomly as an adult (not scientifically possible) or because pym particles suddenly, on top of letting you shrink and grow, can also now just Cause a mental disorder universally explained to be spawned from childhood trauma based coping mechanisms to just Suddenly Appear?

Needless to say this is something I'm not really keen to run with for my interpretation.

EMH does make this slightly easier as Yellowjacket's specific origins is left unsaid. While he is very much portrayed as an Alter and his reasons for becoming the Front made very clear they dont delve into what caused him to manifest- Because lets be real there wasnt any time for that nor a big need to at the time.

This however has left me with an interesting conundrum precisely BECAUSE of how EMH's Yellowjacket Behaves; it starts to point towards what kind of childhood trauma MIGHT have spawned this Alter.

Its very clear he harbors intense anger and resentment towards Hank Pym, seeing him as weak and even claiming that 'killing him' was a favor. Implying that he sees him being the Front as the best possible outcome for all involved, Pym included. His anger appears to stem from Hank himself, namely how its displayed that Hank at the time of Yellowjacket becoming the Front was self deteriorating and seemingly given up on pretty much every aspect of his life. Mindlessly going from one test to another within his lab and cutting himself off from any outside contact, seemingly keen to just waste away.

( RANDOM POW NOTE ; If you are struggling with mental health Isolation will make it WORSE. Regardless of Introversion or Extroversion if you are suffering and cut yourself off from other human stimuli you will cause further damage to your mental health; pls take care of yourselves and dont put urself in an egg. <3 )

However notably to me I believe we actually SEE Yellowjacket be triggered to the Front before we see him in the suit. While hank starts off talking to Tony and Jan in very frantic skittish ways the moment Jan shows clear and obvious disappointment and frustration with him his tone suddenly becomes very calm and blunt with a single-

' This was a Mistake '

I choose to believe that WAS Yellowjacket. The instant backpedal to make them leave likely also being him as his previously jittery and tense tone is back but it sounds almost stilted and fake, like Yellowjacket is Trying to Sound like Hank.

HIS NAME also becomes very interesting when viewed with this kind of lenses because its very clear he treats it like his Actual Name; he shows clear anger when others refer to him as Hank and even when using pym's surname he gets grouchy, insisting his name is Yellowjacket.

Why is this interesting? ; To me its interesting because it might imply that yellowjacket has Always Been a costumed almost 'superhero' like persona. Which also could poke into why he is NEVER out of the mask unless hes forced to be. There can also be the argument that he just hates his face because he looks like hank and he cant do much to change that but it could also be both I think.

-And the NAME Yellowjacket ; I have no doubts in my head that a 6-9 year old Hank would be just as much of a nerd about creepy crawlies as he grows up to be later on so its very possible he Knew of yellowjackets. What makes that interesting is that yellowjackets are communal wasps. They live in hives and nests like bees and ants and are DEEPLY PROTECTIVE of those nests often attacking anything that goes Near their burrows even if they dont touch it. It makes me think that Yellowjacket initially manifested specifically as a Protector either of Hank himself or his family at large. The details- Im not sure on yet, but it leaves a lot to think about especially with how he's clearly shifted to more of a Prosecutor role in the System, actively keeping Hank out of the picture until a trigger event pushes him to the Front [I.E Jan being nearly killed / deeply hurt] WHICH NOW THAT I THINK ON IT could be part of why Yellowjacket avoids hurting her when possible. Jannets harm pushes Hank into the Front and Yellowjacket Doesnt Want That.

TL ; DR : Yellowjacket in EMH seems to have been spawned specifically as a Protector Alter for their System, what trauma specifically caused him to form I dont yet know but in recent times he seems to have shifted to a Prosecutor role, and I wonder if he could find ground as a Protector again.

[rabdoidal]

statnick? spare statnick???

OKAY SO this is elaborating on an idea i had like years ago that i drew (the art of nick cradling static man's face) but i thought itd be really interesting for there to be a post-left of the dial / season 4 pitch fanfic where nick is trying to make another ritual, but he keeps failing at it - maybe theres more brutal consequences, but some just fizzle out completely. theres this dichotomy building of the two of them getting closer as friends but also a sense of not wanting to disappoint the other person - nick promised static man a body, and static man promised to be his protector and collaborator. with no rituals to do and no enemies to fight, both struggle to admit defeat or connect to the other on a personal level.

after months, nick has exhausted his fathers library, and the small collection of reading materials hes bartered for from other sorcerers. as a last ditch attempt, nick says fuck it, i have dads money burning a hole in my pocket, lets travel the world and try find a ritual.

so it becomes an extended trip, kinda like left of the dial, but all over the place - first the states, driving around in the same car they used 10 months ago on the blacktop, then to mexico, chile, and bolivia - then to france, to germany, to italy and spain and then egypt, syria, turkey, then pakistan, nepal, and the torres strait islands. whatever sparse luggage nick bought with him, he suddenly finds himself having to buy another suitcase just for the books and textiles and trinkets he buys along the 9 weeks they spend doing a tour around the world, following tips from other people connected to magic along the way.

all the while, nick is searching, but more than that, hes reconnecting with the human beings around him. he used to be a shut in before all the magic, and he got even worse after it, so getting out and meeting people and getting into mischief is a breath of fresh air, all the while, bringing static man along for the journey when he can make excuses for the being made of static walking next to him

eventually, they find their answers, and its so simple, but nick wasnt thinking outside himself for so long he didnt realise it - he couldnt help static man because he was impure, carrying around magical baggage and trauma on the inside, festering in his flesh, and being unable to help because of it. and that same magical rot inside nick is what static man is covered in - dark magic, gnashing teeth, entropy - and it is like dirt sticking to both of them

so he comes up with a ritual - for a week, he drinks dandelion tea 3 times a day, he meditates in the sun, he fills the house with soft music, and he thinks hard about humanity, all for static man.

then, he buys a clawfoot bathtub and drags it to the basement, fills it with water and jojoba oil and dandelion leaves and a litre of his own blood that turns it black as night - there is soft-burning incense and the very beginning rays of dawn poking through the small window just above ground level. static man sits in the tub, or whatever the approximation he can do with his mass to appear to be sitting, and nick starts

and its simple - static man suddenly comes into awareness of flesh under static - a body buried. nick washes away the cloying static from the man underneath, and it feels like peeling dead skin, like sensation before pain, all sensitivity and raw edges

it takes hours, the water is long cold by the time theyre done, but when they are, the water is crystal clear, and static man is static no longer.