#even tho this is fiction that's a general tag

[candiedspit]

THE HUNDRED POUND COWBOY

I feel like a king when I’m eating chicken wings. Hot sauce dribbling off my chin, sucking the meat off the splintered bones. I was sitting on the floor, my knee to my chest as the television played another episode of my favorite cartoon–Gelatins. Meredith stood by the window with her arms crossed, watching a pair of dogs scrimmage. Meredith let out a giggle and took a puff of her cigarette. I liked Meredith. I liked the way she laughed, the things she laughed at. I liked her freckles. I liked to do coke off her stomach. As I licked my fingers, she put out her cigarette and walked towards the kitchen. 

You got mail, she called out. 

Bullshit, I said. I don’t ever have anything. 

Oh really? She asked, throwing an envelope at me, glass of water in hand.

I wiped my hands on a nearby rag and read the front. It was from my sister June; that old ragtime. I hadn’t seen her in six months. I opened the letter with my thumbnail and stood up to read it aloud. That felt like the proper thing to do, stand up and read it aloud. 

Hey, it said. How are you? It’s strange. Sometimes, I like to picture you in a nail salon. A thousand televisions playing the same channel. Lights buzzing like a crowd. The scent of alcohol. Sometimes, I don’t imagine you at all. Let’s not talk about last time. Here’s the deal–come to Thanksgiving at my house this year. I want you there. It’ll be small. Just mom, dad, Randall and me. We’ll eat and drink and talk. Come. It’ll be nice to see you again. I love you. Hope you’re doing alright. See you soon. 

June

So she wants you to go, Meredith said. You gonna go?

I don’t know, I said. Things got weird last time I saw her. And I haven’t seen my parents in a year. 

You called your mom crying a few weeks ago. Bawling like the world had closed on your little finger. 

That’s because I couldn’t see her, I said. I probably won’t go. 

You should, she said. 

Yeah, but I probably won’t. 

I got up to wash my hands. In the bathroom mirror, I realized I’d spilled hot sauce all over my shirt. 

Goddamn it, why wouldn’t you tell me? I asked, then faced the mirror again. 

Why don’t people tell me these things?

----

That night, Meredith went back home on the train She lived in a small basement apartment with her cousins in Queens. When it stormed, they spent the night with a neighbor. It made me sad to think about so I didn’t. 

I went out on a walk, dressed in my long, trench coat and a pair of popsicle orange panties underneath. I lit a cigarette and sat on the stairs of the library a few blocks from my apartment, watching the people, their shadows. Why would June want to see me? It didn’t made sense enough that she loved me. I loved her but I wouldn’t want to see her. 

And Meredith was right. A few weeks ago, I’d gotten kicked out of a club for fighting a woman over possibly drugging my friend’s drink. When she went to the bathroom she was fine. But a few minutes later and she was slumped over like a bag of rice, incoherent. And the woman was the closest target, I’d seen her walk in like she invented paradise. As if she’d ever even seen paradise. I dropped my friend off at her house and went back home where Meredith was waiting, painting her nails in my living room with a wig on. The radio playing oldies. 

I rushed past her and stripped naked and curled into my bed and called my mother. My heart bleated. I felt awful. Just awful. The thing is, I didn’t expect her to answer. It was late, I was banished. But then there she was with her sweet voice spilling out of the phone like syrup. 

Hello? And that was all I needed. I heaved and cried and begged her to forgive me, love me, want me. And before she could answer, I hung up. When she tried calling again, Meredith told her I was asleep. I was no such thing.

That’s the thing, I repeated to myself as I sat there in the rain and the dark and the night. I was no such thing, I was no such thing.

I liked the way my voice sounded in the rain. I liked my thin wrist and broken hands and heavy clothes. I liked the way my legs moved. I liked the way I lived. 

Thanksgiving was a week away. June had asked. 

That was the thing.

----

The next morning, I went down to the deli to get cigarettes and a coffee and maybe some candy. Ramone was behind the counter, a seventeen year old kid who always gives me an extra straw even when I walk in there drunk as a horse, laughing at the walls. 

Ramone, how are you? I asked.

Doing good, he said. Palls? 

Yeah, I said. What are you doing for the holidays?

His family owned the deli. His father sat in the back reading porno magazines and drinking milk.

Probably gonna see my family, he said. My cousins and all that. Coffee?

Yeah, I said. That’s nice. You deserve a day off.

Fuck yeah I do, he said. What about you? Twirlers?

Got anything sour? Probably gonna stay at home with the missus.

These? He asked, pulling out a bag of sour gummy bears. What’s the missus gonna do for the holidays?

Yeah, those are good I said. She’s gonna stay with me. Her family’s all dead.

Tell her I said sorry, he said. Eight dollars.

I will, I said. I will. Thanks, Ramone.

Meredith’s family wasn’t dead. In fact, I had a suspicion her bloodline would never end. All her sisters—all seven of them—have had maybe twenty kids in total. Meredith’s the only one who hasn’t settled down. And she sure as hell isn’t bringing me around, heathen galore. 

Meredith is scared she’s getting old. She’s a year older than me but sometimes, she comes home crying because none of the store clerks call her sweetie anymore. And none of the guys who whistle at her in the street can even keep it up. And her clothes feel funny. And isn’t she hideous? And shouldn’t I leave her? And I have to calm her down like a frightened dog. I hold her hair down and fuck her and make her pancakes and fuck her again and sing little songs to her. Meredith, my war torn country. 

I went home and slept for a while and took a pill and cleaned the apartment and ate some candy and watched television, reruns of an old sitcom. I waited for Meredith to come home. Meredith worked on Fifth Avenue. Eight hours in heels. Answering the world’s dumbest questions. Pushing handbags. I always tell her she’s too smart to be selling shitheads designer bags. But it’s a steady income and if there’s one thing Meredith needs it’s a steady income. 

I haven’t worked in a couple of months. I’m like that. My resume reads like an epic. This year I’ve worked as a janitor (took one nap too many in the bleachers, the sun crawling across my face) a bookseller (told everyone their taste was shit) a stocker at the grocery store (labeled everything a dollar) a waiter (spilled wine on seven different people in the same night). 

Truth be told, I wasn’t made to work. I was made to lay in bed and take a pill and watch the world. I was made to kiss and beg and sleep.

When Meredith came home, she had some goodies for me. I grinned into her mouth and we shared a pill. And then another. And then one more. When she left for work in the morning, I took a handful of pills. I swore they tasted like lemon drops. 

I spent the next three days awake. 

I put on my wife beater and trench coat and boots and stomped on everyone’s grounds. I went to a string of bars, whatever was open at whatever time it was. I put my mouth on the world’s mouth. I saw Christ in a plastic bag. I stole a lipstick from the pharmacy and gave the lipstick to a homeless woman. I went to a chapel in the middle of the afternoon and listened in on other people’s prayers, felt buzzed by the words leaving them. I went to the MoMa and spoke outloud. What is a masterpiece? I got a tattoo of a burning house on my wrist. I rented a bike and biked back and forth across the Brooklyn Bridge until it got dark, until the sun froze over into the moon. I popped balloons and swam in a fountain and learned how to play chess. I stayed still for an entire minute. I felt every brush of wind, heard every siren at once. I was the cowboy declaring the west his. I was the queen demanding a beheading. I was the beheaded, living after death. I was the ghost finding Heaven quite boring. 

I was God in his undies. 

It’s a miracle, I said when I returned home to find Meredith in front of the air conditioning, sucking on a lollipop and reading a newspaper. 

It’s a miracle I wasn’t arrested.

I don’t believe in miracles, Meredith said.

And she was right. I slept for nineteen hours and awoke in a cold sweat, the ceiling full of snakes. I couldn’t move. Even turning over felt like a marathon. 

 Meredith? I called out. 

But there was nothing. Just the television and the headlines. I stayed in bed for a couple days, weeping and talking myself out of it and weeping again. I called Meredith but she didn’t pick up. I hated her for that. 

When I finally awoke feeling more aligned, less twitch and more get out of bed, I sat on the edge of my bed eating toast. Thanksgiving was in two days. I decided to go. 

I felt that grateful. 

----

On the day before Thanksgiving, I took the bus up to Albany and took a cab to June’s house. I asked the driver to stop so I could smoke. I considered asking him if he could turn around. But I was out of cash. But maybe he’d do it regardless. Yeah, maybe.

Kid, let’s go! He called from behind the wheel.

I stuck with it. 

And as we approached, I could feel my heart drumming. Even more as we sat in her driveway. I paid the driver and got out. June worked as an administrative assistant at a company her boyfriend owned. Thus, two story house in the middle of Albany. I lit another cigarette and sat on her porch. As kids, June used to say I was the morning and she was night. For some reason, she felt so inadequate in comparison, so lame. Perhaps this was the nature of big sisters, especially ones who never got piano lessons or an allowance. Halfway through this thought, I heard the front door open behind me. 

Grace? She asked. Oh my god, Grace. 

I turned around. June was three years older than me. But she looked about ten. All fit in a white skirt and red sweater and floral earrings. I stood up and she hugged me as tight as a sheet. 

Come in, she said. Come in. 

Can I finish this first? I asked. 

Of course, she said. 

I didn’t like the way she stood over me as I smoked. I wondered if she thought I might leave. I wondered if I should have. June didn’t have any children yet. But she had a dog and a boyfriend who worked long hours. And she had a large backyard and a porch swing and windows the size of murals. She kept her eyes on me as I touched through everything. Dictionaries in three different languages. Tulips in glass. A vintage clock stuck at midnight. 

That night, it was only June and I. Her boyfriend was on a business trip. We drank rose and ordered pizza and she read me a chapter from one of her favorite books. And we fell asleep in her bed. I dreamt of crossword puzzles. I solved for genie. 

----

In the morning, June had already made up her side of the bed. I couldn’t hear anything. I got up, dressed in a wife beater and a pair of shorts June let me borrow and stood by the stairs. There were small murmurs. I got halfway down the stairs before realizing the scene. In the living room were my parents and my older brother Randall and June. All sat in a circle. I froze as they stared up at me. 

Hi baby, my mother said. 

I ran upstairs and shut the door behind me. I locked the door and when June knocked, I didn’t say a thing. I waited until I could hear go downstairs before calling Meredith. 

Meredith, I whispered. Meredith, it was all a fucking scam. 

What do you mean?

I mean, my family is pulling a goddamn fucking intervention for me. They’re downstairs in a circle. What do I do?

What? Why would they do that?

I could hear the sound of her snorting a line. 

----

Last time I saw June was back towards the end of May when she and her boyfriend came to the city to visit some of his old college friends. She wanted to see where I lived. It was raining, a hard spring rain. And we ran upstairs, our laughter colliding. It was good for a while. We made sandwiches with whatever was left in the fridge and drank beer and watched a couple of movies. But as I was smoking a cigarette, she turned towards me. 

Why do you do this? She asked. 

What do you mean?

We could help you, she said. We could get you clean. And I’d help you find work. And it could be nice. But this, this isn’t a way to live. 

Clean? I asked. 

Oh, come on. 

What? I’ve been “clean” since you’ve gotten here, I said. 

Yeah, what? Four hours? What were you doing in the bathroom?

I was taking a shit, I said. 

Yeah, for five minutes?

So I take sonic shits, so what? I’ve never asked–

I found this in your kitchen, she said, holding up a baggie. Three little pills inside. 

That doesn’t mean anything, I said. 

No?

No, come on. Who doesn’t take pills? I wanna relax. So, every now and then. 

Then why’s your nose bleeding?

Fuck you, I said, wiping my nose with my hand. And I sent her away into the rain. And yelled at her from the window as she walked to find a phone. 

Fuck you and your happy little life! Fuck you and your dog! Fuck you and your lawn! Fuck you, I hope you find what you’re looking for!

----

I’d taken a couple of pills when I woke up. But for extra measure, I took two more. And waited for June to slither in with her spare key.

Grace? She asked, kneeling down to where I was on the floor. 

I don’t want to do this, I whispered It’s really not so bad. It’s not what you think.

Grace, let’s go.

She held my hand and walked me downstairs as though I were crippled or old. But I was twenty five and nothing could hurt me.

----

Tell us what it’s like, my mother said. I was sitting between her legs as she pet my head, the pills kicking in like heat in my skin. I’d shaved my head a couple of months back. I wondered if that surprised her. And if it didn’t, what that said about me. 

Before we go, you should have a chance to speak. And Grace, we’re only doing this because we love you.

I sighed. 

We’re talking about drugs right? I asked. Not the occasional black out or night on the town. But drugs. The kind you would die for? The best goddamn thing?

Yes, she said.

Then, it feels like God is blessing you. Again and again, you’re blessed. And protected. And worshipped. It feels like you can’t live for another second in this world. But to be in the other world where the walls breathe and you’re on the run, forever on the run. It feels like heat in your skin. Not on but inside. It feels like being reigned king; a fat, slovely king with nothing to do but eat meat and pick who to kill. It feels like the only thing. It feels like hitting a homerun during the last inning, the sun falling into your eyes and the crowd roaring for you. It feels like being crushed during sex. It feels like God wants you to live. It feels like being able to live. 

It feels like that. And you’re asking me to give it up?

There was a silence. 

All we want is for you to be safe, my father said. And well. And there is no between. You can’t be on drugs and be well at the same time. It’s not possible.

But who says I have to be well? I asked, my words slurred. I’m no good at anything. I’m good at being high. And that’s it.

We do. We say that. Because we love you. And we want you around, in our lives. And you’re so young.

I’m not gonna live a long time, I said. Even if I got clean, I don’t have the stamina. I don’t.

Grace, all we ask is that you give it a try.

I did, I said. For twenty two years, I tried. I went to college. I did everything everyone said I had to do. I read books. I did well in class. I got internships. I had friends and time. I was doing well. And I felt nothing. 

Life isn’t one thing, my mom said. I could barely feel her fingers on my head. 

Life is as devoid as it is fruitful, she continued. But all of that is alright, it is doable. By getting clean, you’re choosing the only option that matters. 

----

After six hours of this, I agreed to go ahead with getting treatment. But not before taking the rest of my stash and falling asleep in my mother’s lap. And by that time the following year, I learned what they had meant. 

Because I was alive and Meredith wasn’t. 

[cannibalistic-suggestions]

Cannibalism is ALWAYS right and Is ALWAYS the answer and you should ALWAYS create art with it don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise. Hope this helps 🥰

[🙏]

[koushirouizumi]

{C.O.F.T.F.F.} ("Chosen of Faith") ~ Page 40 -> Page 47 + Taichi (+Bonus COFTFF!Koushiro/my older Koushiro writing) & O.C. Hikaru - Hikari's Arc

"I'M COUNTING ON YOU

to SAVE Hikari and DAISUKE, ALL RIGHT?" - TAICHI, to Hikaru

{Originally written: pre 2k11~}

{Fic I was writing back before I understood more about my own A u t i s m}

[oakwolves]

There's this huge series of Infinity Train/Pokemon fanfics, some by different authors, called the "Blossomverse," that seems to be rather infamous in the IT fandom. Have you read any of the fics or at least heard of them?

This is honestly the first I’ve heard of them (probably because I tend to filter out crossover fics) or that they’re apparently considered infamous. Why is that, if I may ask?

[trans-leek-cookie]

vague thought but I feel like we and I mean like. Everyone of us needs to learn to like. Idk self reflect and learn not to be voyeurs... Like this is abt myself as well. Specifically in cases of real life tragedy, like, when do we go from learning abt something to using it to feed a sort of entertainment (in a similar way to a horror movie)? How do we learn to identify when something is excessive? Sure, details can be important, but when do they stop teaching and start just being fuel for a morbid fascination?

[captainzigo]

Hi everypony!

My kofi is ko-fi.com/captainzigo if you enjoy my art, consider leaving me a tip! this is otherwise entirely a labor of love so,,,

you can also send a request with your tip! but if you choose to do so, please read the disclaimer later on in this post** for the foreseeable future, any tips I receive will be donated to vetted Palestinian fundraisers. I will send you the receipt if you want me to. 

my non-art blog, where i accept asks is @snapewife-divorce-lawyer and my reblog-spam blog is @3amgaypotion

that's a bunch of pictures of my oc(/ponysona) Prickly Pear. she's a cowgirl

Frequent/noteworthy questions below the break

**on donations made to me:

i still dont take commissions currently, but if you send a request with a donation, there's a 99% chance i'll do it. and that remaining 1% i'll probably just ask you for a different request. if you send me a request with a donation you are not sending me a commision. you are making a donation, and i might do you a favor as a result. you do not own the resulting art. and I am under no obligation to complete it or to do it in the way that you like. you do not need to make a donation in order to make a request. i talk more about it here

hello mutuals!

If you are a mutual, DM me for an invite to discord server and subsequently to minecraft server

on sending me asks:

any asks you send me should be like Strongbad emails. one paragraph. no attachments. unless you are sending me refs.

in any interactions, please keep in mind that i am a stranger on the internet and act accordingly.

unless I have explicitly said otherwise, you can safely assume that I do not count you amongst my friends. it is nothing personal, it is in fact the opposite.

why am i like this?

i am autistic. i say this because representation matters, but also because i would like to ask that you please be very frank with me. i don't even really need your patience. just say what you mean and we will get along fine.

can you draw my ocs?

you most certainly can draw any of my ocs. i'd love that acually. tag me

on (re)posting my art:

do not post my art on other platforms. do not repost my art period. I don't really exist on other platforms since i deleted Twitter. So if you see my stuff on other platforms, it's not me.

transformative works are obviously allowed, at least here in america where i live. but if you want my blessing, please keep them SFW, and try to keep the spirit of the original artwork

is my blog SFW?

im in my twenties. i keep my blog SFW (as i define it) as a strict rule.

i do not consider the fact that sex exists, that some people enjoy it, or some innuendo to be NSFW. i also do not consider swearing, even as tho a sailor might, to be NSFW.

are NSFW interactions ok?

in short: no. while i have no aversion to to that sort of thing, and often actually enjoy it, i keep this blog SFW. the intention behind my art is to be SFW even when it might be skirting the line. in general, and especially, specifically with mlp, i do not wish to have NSFW interactions on the internet. please respect this boundary.

on shipping:

in my opinion, all romance real or fictional should be between people who are similar in age, doing age appropriate things, not closely related, and all with mutual consent. i am not interested in witnessing or interacting with anything outside of these parameters.

on my blue hair and pronouns:

i am a trans woman. i am also bisexual. i am also poly and demi since im listing things. i am out online becasue i know how important it is to know that you aren't alone.

do i take constructive criticism?

NO 🖕👹🖕 FUCK YOU!!!!!!! GET BLOCKED IDIOT!! unless you are a marginalized person who feels i have unintentionally made you uncomfortable somehow with my art or otherwise. in that case i am sorry and you do me a great favor by calling me out. OTHERWISE FUCK YOU DUMBASS IF YOU DONT LIKE MY ART GO DRAW YOUR OWN 🖕🖕🖕🖕

“i hate bronies”…

i don't necessarily hate you if you self identify with that label. i like to make myself off-putting to keep creeps away. i talk about it more in this post: https://www.tumblr.com/captainzigo/744131513208176640/when-i-say-i-hate-bronies-in-my-header-its

brony?

i don't hold a lot of nostalgia for old brony stuff. infact it's quite the opposite. i was a child when the show came out, and more than that i was a girl. i am not a brony.

do i like g5?

i like all generations of mip including the new stuff. gen 4 is just the one i grew up with

why is my header aurora, bori and alice from the best gift ever?

well that would be because i hate them like a mother hates a child. like the sun hates the moon. like sickly victorian child hates the slightest morsel of bread.

on flurryheart:

i often draw stuff about cozy glow x flurry heart. this is with the understanding that cozy glow spends about a decade turned to stone. nullifying the age gap.

🤓☝️ i think you mean effect, not affect

i am dyslexic. i spell stuff wrong all the time and i type weird. please don't bother correcting me. wooptydoo your brain is wired normally. sending you a medal.

on my username:

i've had the same username since i debuted on the internet. zigo is the name of an oc i made that i dont really talk much about anymore. zigo is a fine enough nickname, and at least one person calls me that irl.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

sorry for confusing poll but am curious

disabled people - how you feel about original character art, fan fiction, etc. in your disability tag?

[plain text: disabled people - how you feel about original character, fan fiction, etc. in your disability tag?]

definitions:

disabled - include all disabilities physical psychiatric neurological developmental genetic visible difference (if you consider yourself a disability), etc. …limited by amount choices on poll, going include accessibility aids in here too, like mobility aids, communication tools, medical equipment, etc.

“#disability tag” e.g #autism

“#actually disabled tag” e.g #actually autistic. going include “about x disability by/for people with x disability” type tags in this, like #cripplepunk, even tho not follow “actually x” format

“my disability common on tumblr” - not about whether you consider it rare or not in real life, but how many people in community talk about it on tumblr. general rule of thumb, if click into your disability tag & see mostly people with that condition talking about it, it belong here. for example, general autism, hEDS & HSD, etc.

“my disability not common on tumblr” - again, not about how it rare or common in real life, but on tumblr. if click into your disability tag, mostly see bots, med student, random articles, fetish, fictional content, etc. n not people with that disability talk about it. if your disability big category very talked about, but feel like your subcategory not very common, feel free also include here, like nonverbal autism.

-> these only about YOUR disabilities. ones you have

multiply disabled: limited by number options on polls… vote however feel right, for example based on main disability, or if feel generally same about most/all of your disabilities, option most important to you, #9, #10 & explain in tags, etc.

1:

okay with it in #disability tag

okay with it in #actually disabled tag

my disability/ies common on tumblr

2:

okay with it in #disability tag

okay w it in #actually disabled tag

my disability/ies NOT common on tumblr

3:

okay with it in #disability tag

NOT okay with it in #actually disabled tag

my disability/ies common on tumblr

4:

okay with it in #disability tag

NOT okay with it in #actually disabled tag

my disability/ies NOT common on tumblr

5:

NOT okay with it in #disability tag

NOT okay with it in #actually disabled tag

my disability/ies common on tumblr

6:

NOT okay with it in #disability tag

NOT okay with it in #actually disabled tag

my disability/ies NOT common on tumblr

7:

okay with it in tagging ONLY IF person who made it also have that disability (sorry abt not separate tags, ran out space)

my disability/ies common on tumblr

8:

okay with it in tagging ONLY IF person who made it also have that disability (sorry abt not separate tags, ran out space)

my disability/ies NOT common on tumblr

9:

okay with tagging for my disability/ies that common on tumblr

not okay with tagging for my disability/ies that not common on tumblr

(note: for multiply disabled people who vote based on main disability, or generally agree for most/all your disabilities, please vote 1-8 unless feel majorly different abt each your disability)

10:

disabled & more nuanced answer (or don’t know)

NOT for nondisabled people - please wait until time out answer show itself or ask someone disabled to screenshot

feel free explain in tag

[poll start]

[musicalmoritz]

Good Femslash Fics Already Exist

With the whole push for more femslash in fandoms, I’ve never understood the amount of hate I see femslash “fans” direct towards existing creations. There’s nothing wrong with wanting more variety, I do too, but every time someone brings up the fact that femslash fan fictions are already being written someone opens their mouth to say “yeah but those suck.” And then they proceed to read 300+ atrociously mischaracterized mlm fics. They complain abt plotless fluff and then read the exact same pwp scenarios over and over again

And hey, if you don’t want to read femslash that’s totally fine. You don’t have to pretend it interests you. I’m someone who actively looks for femslash and my only problem has been a lack of content in smaller/male-dominated fandoms, the fics themselves are cute af. Ya’ll are missing out on some real masterpieces by labeling all existing femslash fics as “boring,” some of my favorite fics ever are femslash. If an mlm ship invades the tags just filter it out, filter out every mlm pairing in the fandom if you have to. AO3 gives us that option for a reason

I’m not saying we don’t need more variety, but we’re not going to get that by shitting on writers who actively put in the work to make more femslash. When I started writing femslash consistently it was very discouraging because I’d seen soooooo many people online saying they want more femslash fics, yet nobody was reading mine. Then I looked at the stats on other femslash fics and they were the same, really great fics were barely getting any hits or kudos. It kinda sucks knowing that an mlm fic I wrote in 3 hours got more kudos than a wlw fic I spent months on (for pairings of relatively equal popularity). This seems to be the biggest roadblock for people wanting to write femslash, no one supports it. Even tho fandoms claim they would support it, they never do. It’s something I’ve learned to stop caring about but not every writer is gonna push through

This brings me back to a comment I saw about “boring, hair-braidy wlw fics.” That description really stood out to me, and to this day it makes me feel a little self-conscious about my old femslash fics that were “boring” and “hair-braidy.” But then I came across a fic for this one pairing that had actual hair-braiding. It was incredibly well-written and meaningful, exploring how both characters struggled to ask for help but they were able to recognize each other’s dilemmas and help in subtle ways. They did this, of course, by fixing each other’s hair when they both felt helpless to do anything with it. Such a simple way to express a very deep bond. This made me reassess the way people talk about femslash fics, and the way I’d been thinking of them myself. Is fluff really that much of a crime?? Do all cottagecore-type fics really have no substance?? Do femslash fics have to copy exactly what slash fics are doing, or are they allowed to have their own tropes??

My attitude towards the overload of plotless fluff wlw fics is “this is a good starting point.” We need more people writing femslash, more variety in what is written, but that doesn’t mean what we have is bad. I critique wlw fic tropes a lot but I always give the disclaimer that I actually love the fics themselves, I just want to see more of a different thing. And I comment on every femslash fic I read (every fic I read in general but especially femslash), I try to leave something thoughtful to let the writer know I appreciate the effort they put into their work. You’d be surprised how many writers said they were encouraged to update a fic or write more femslash because of a positive comment I left them. Engaging with fics will give you more of a good thing. It has so much more influence than that video you’re about to make talking about how there’s no good femslash fics. When you say things like that it actually discourages people from writing, and makes them feel bad about things they’ve already written. Support femslash writers guys, it’s sexy

[silverquillsideas]

This episode was the best for me so far!! 🥺 I absolutely adored the way they handled kongthap and atom's respective misunderstandings, atom's fears of coming out to people and how others might perceive him and kongthap because of their relationship.

(I'll just jot down some of my thoughts as a casual viewer, and disclaimer, I haven't read the manga, and forgot half of what happened in the KH adaptation, so this is purely my personal perception of the Thai adaptation.)

Atom has a dramatic personality, he overthinks situations and gets caught up in his own big fears, and the fears are absolutely justified, in this case. And I think the imaginary montage with the two moms was more of a way in which we get a glimpse into his larger than life, chaotic, comedic thought process more than suggesting a "dismissive of queer identity as a joke" POV I've seen in the tags here, but that's just me :')

I'm glad he trusts kongthap enough to confess his fears to him, and that kongthap takes him seriously and tries to understand where he's coming from.

Glad the show didn't go the homophobic teacher route implied in the preview last week, and instead gave us two queer elders guiding atom and kongthap on their journey ❤️

I liked the analogy that Annop gave of different kinds of love and the chocolate cakes :') it was a gentle way of unravelling atom's genuine fears of their relationship being "different from other people's" and the way he's more afraid of how people will look at kongthap in a negative light than what people think of him, and that just goes to show how selfless he actually is, deep down.

Annop acknowledges the difference of the love atom was talking about, but he also says that even tho they may be different in form and shape and how people express them, essentially they are still love, and Atom shouldn't judge himself so harshly for his feelings. He shouldn't bow down to other people's perception of him and kongthap and end up hurting them both.

Also, I've seen a strange criticism of the musical performances in MLMU being "too overdramatic / cringe / OOC" from mostly US American / western bloggers here, and I just wanted to say, please chill out 😂 musical segments are pretty common in south Asian / SEA media/ storytelling in general. If you've seen any Indian/bollywood films ever in your life, chances are that, you'll see at least 2 songs and 1 dance and all of them are meant to be taken FICTIONALLY, with suspension of disbelief and not literally assumed that the characters breaking into song and dance are seasoned performers or what not. The music and dance segment IS a part of storytelling itself, meant to convey the mood of the characters, the emotions in the scene, in that segment of the story. So please cut atom and kongthap some slack lmao

I, for one, am thoroughly enjoying gemfourth's heavenly vocals and wish that peace on other viewers too :')

Also I'm loving how Gemini and Fourth as actors interpreted Ida and Aoki. In the jp version, personally, Ida felt a bit too stiff and robotic for me, I'm glad Gemini played kongthap as more of a soft, quiet boy who laughs, jokes around, and gets petty and silly at moments as he navigates his feelings. I also love how Fourth is playing Atom, giving him comedic beats and dramatic expressions but there's also a certain grounded, vulnerable core to him that comes out in heavier moments and absolutely punches me in the guts.

Overall, I'm genuinely enjoying seeing these 2 being dorks in love, navigating their big feelings and finding friendship and community in the people around them 🥺❤️

[angelofverdum]

Station 19 S07e10

19!

I'm overwhelmed by feelings. It's amazing how much fictional characters can make you feel.

My hope and wish for the end of these characters was for them to have a resolution and be happy.

Honestly, I can't complain. Maybe I should wait for the excitement to die to write anything about it.

But I love the ending for every character. I loved how they incorporated these "dreams" into the action scenes.

Andy as Chief is a great resolution for her. Jack being her true love was not something I was expecting. I feel it was something they pulled out at the last minute, and don't get me wrong I'm not opposed to it, Andy and Jack could have worked if they had more seasons and Grey wouldn't have left.

Ross. I'd hoped Natasha had something more in mind than marrying Bob but she is always being "My man My man My man" so it's fitting

Robert. One thing I loved about these flashforwards was that they were connected. Sully dreamed of that because in Ross's dream, they were already married, so he got to be with her.

Travis's most important relationship is with Vic. If I had Vic as a friend, I'd be like that too. Uprooting your life like that to move with your best friend is really brave.

Warren is probably my least favorite character but that's because he is boring but he is a good man. I was emotional watching his kids all grow.

Beckett is so unserious because why is he dreaming of Ross' sister.

Vic. She made me cried because she deserves everything that it's good in life. I'm so so so happy she didn't end up with Theo. She is helping people and living her best life. My beautiful queen.

Carina's dream is so important bc she had no one, her brother and mom died, and her father is trash. She was alone and then met this stubborn firefighter and said I want a big family with her, and that's what she did. Bring her back to Grey's you cowards.

Maya. My sweet beautiful, reckless, bisexual, hot, brave, selfless, stubborn, broken Maya. Her future was so bright without clouds. She falls asleep thinking about her wife and three kids. Maya who made me come back for season 2, and here I am seven seasons later, just a mess of emotion.

When I saw Carina enter that bar, it took me a whole ass minute to realize what they were trying to do. Why Carina was there. I'll never forget that excitement and I'll always be thankful for pairing them.

It's so weird to see that kind of representation. We didn't need coming out stories or the usual homophobia. Also, they were proud bisexuals and I'm always thankful that Maya said that with her whole chest. That was so important.

Now, my random thoughts about the episode.

I love the scene with the aluminum thing. That was cool and terrifying.

I loved it when Andy showed up. I was crying like she rescued me.

Danielle is so bad at screaming, her voice cracked up so much.

I loved Maya worried about Andy

I loved Carina suiting up finally. It was so funny.

I loved that we got to see adult Prue, and my god the legacy she is carrying.

I loved to see Andy as chief and Maya as captain.

I loved Carina doing what she preaches. Like Maya my god make yourself useful and give that woman an orgasm.

I'm not a fan of the Deluca-Bishop name tag because I just don't like hyphenating last names in general but I think it is cute they did that little detail for the fans who have really been asking for it.

Now for the last scene, keep in mind, that I've been crying the whole episode. Then this hit

I just laughed out loud. Omg, those are some terrible wigs. What was the point? What were they trying to achieve? To make them look older?

You should have put some gray hair and move it along. Like why they were having a bob off. Why would you do that to them?

Let me clean my eyes with Maya's real bob and the hottest she looked in the show.

Anyway, I'm always thankful when I get to experience a TV show so deeply. Even tho the cancellation is unfair. At least we got a proper ending.

I'm also glad that we got actors who cared deeply about their characters and respected them so much.

I'm a mess but 19 forever.

[obrother1976]

can u make like. ur top 10 books. freak books. anything. kisses your brain

sure!! these r not gonna be ranked bc god knows i could never choose between them & also im gonna be annoying and ramble a bit about every one

death in venice by thomas mann (classic. but its so rich w metaphors and symbolism. if you do read it, i'd recommend reading "the uses of myth in death in venice" by isadore traschen afterwards, bc it does a great job explaining all the freudian allegories and mythological symbolism and u'll literally be tearing ur hair out afterwards over how brilliant thomas mann was)

the carnivorous lamb by agustín gómez-arcos (idc that i've already talked about this a gajillion times on here. its literally the best book i've ever read. i'll forever be obsessed and i wish there was literally anything that could ever hit as hard as this did. if u read it, anon (if u havent already) dont go through the carnivorous lamb tag on here bc u need to experience this without any big prior knowledge. trust me)

erotism: death and sensuality by george bataille (ik im just listing the classics atp. but how could i ever leave that one out. this ones a lot and depending on how into bataille & philosophy in general u are it could be too much. but if u havent already read this one anon, just read the introduction. trust me ure gonna loose it from that alone)

gemini by michel tournier (this one... took me ages to get through it on my first read bc of the way its written, but it was so worth it. not even gonna say much about this one - its basically like if twins by bari wood was good lmao)

incest: from a "journal of love": the unexpurgated diary of anais nin, 1932-1934 (or every anais nin diary ever in general, but this one especially. there was just no one that got it quite like she did)

indecent theology: theological perversions in sex, gender and politics by marcella althaus-reid (sorry for literally recommending theory. im pretty sure u were asking for fiction lol, but this (& althaus-reid in general) is everything to me. if u've any interest whatsoever in theology u should check this one out)

the sluts by dennis cooper (slightly controversial opinion i think? not that the book itself is controversial, just that dennis cooper is very hit and miss at times. this book tho, definite hit. its so intense and convoluted and i loved every second of it. read this before death and sensuality and u're guaranteed to think of nothing else for at least a month)

querelle of brest by jean genet ("those knock-out body fluids: blood, sperm, tears!". kind of a classic since theres also the fassbinder movie but i prefer the book tbh. its been a while since i've read it but it'll forever be in my favourites)

crash by j.g. ballard (yeah ik we've all seen crash but i need more ppl to read the book. hold on actually i need to insert one of my favourite bits from it here:

Reaching through the fractured windshields and passenger windows around me, I marked my semen on the oily instrument panels and binnacles, touching these wound areas at their most deformed points.)

ada, or ardor: a family chronicle by vladimir nabokov (one of the most beautiful books i've ever read. probably not the most helpful recommendation bc im pretty sure its a classic but i cant not mention it.)

also some bonus recommendations of books that didnt make the list bc they're either not freak books or bc i havent read them yet:

christopher and his kind by christopher isherwood (not a freak book. not even remotely. but will forever have a special place in my heart.)

the sparrow by maria doria russell (read this one anon!!! this would be on the list, but im not fully finished w it yet so i cant officially put it in my top 10 yet)

exquisite corpse by poppy z. brite (havent read that one yet but its on my list!!)

autobiography of red by anne carson (not a freak book. beautifully written, a work of art really)

as meat loves salt by maria mccann (havent read that one yet. hoping its as good as everyone says)

skagboys by irvine welsh (one thing about me is that i'll always find a way to mention the trainspotting books)

[person4924]

new about me

my name is sam !! thats basically all u need to know but theres (a lot) more under the cut!! i also have a strawpage that has some basic info (idrk how it works if im being honest tho)

last updated: august 5

i’m sapphic of some sort and ace

u can use any pronouns but they is usually the best !! (this is my pronouns page)

i’m neurodivergent of some sort (i don’t even know anymore)

a minor (don’t be weird)

my personality type is INFP-T

my theme will change like weekly prob bc i wanna change it with every new huperfxation i have!!

things i like (the things bolder r what i talk about the most)

harry potter (fuck jkr)

marvel

the marauders

boy meets world

it

osemanverse

paper girls

teen wolf

owl house

shameless

glee

stranger things

friends

andi mack

the last of us (i’ve only watched the show tho, but i know most of what happens in the games)

riordanverse

musicals

poetry

reading

cats

animals

fictional characters

music

movies

tv shows

art

writing

women

sitcoms

brooklyn nine nine

new girl

hamilton

grishaverse

stand up comedians

ocean animals (specifically sharks)

community

moths (and just kinda winged bugs in general)

greek mythology

dawsons creek

bojack horseman

halloween

the sky (like stars, the moon, the sunset, etc)

jelly fish

criminal minds

animals

ted lasso

scooby doo (the older movies from the 2000’s ish specifically but all of it too)

everything sucks!

the sun bearer trials

atypical

octonauts

spencer reid

bo burnham

dead boy detectives

will and grace

90’s movies

my fav movies are tick tick boom, my girl, dead poets society, breakfast club, the outsiders, hamilton, stand by me, cmbyn, lady bird, beautiful boy, luca, nimona, (500) days of summer, empire records, etc. i have a lot but this is just the first few i think of

musicals i like are hamilton, tick tick boom and the greatest showman

my fav taylor albums are folklore, evermore, reputation, 1989, ttpd and speak now but i love all of them really (please please ask me abt them omg)

my current hyper fixation is the marauders (more of a life-long obsession atp) and solangelo

i’m currently reading nothing !! i just cannot

my fav music people (i’m really just giving a short list of many): conan gray, cavetown, current joys, queen, rainbow kitten surprise, the front bottoms, harry styles, noah kahan, taylor swift, phoebe bridgers, the fray, coldplay, olivia rodrigo, billie eilish, boygenius, gracie abrams, sufjan stevens, maya hawke, the smiths, lucy dacus, julien baker, the smiths, sleeping at last, mitski, bo burnham, chappell roan, lorde, the revivalists, hozier, the head and the heart, mumford and sons, the revivalists, adrianne lender

i mostly post about whatever hyperfixation and/or character/person/ship has overtaken my brain, music and analysis things

i appreciate tone tags and i try to use them as much as possible

i’m always looking to talk to more people and i’m always bored (don’t be weird istg)

my fav books are any alice oseman book, the outsiders, the perks of being a wallflower, i fell in love with hope

child of athena (i think, idk how to actually figure it out)

i’m probably a reggie kin?? but it also changes with my varying mental state so i just say i’m marauders soup

biggest pandalily shipper you’ll find

i love love love making character analysis’ or song or movie or tv show or books or ships or whatever

i also write sometimes!! (i suck ass)

and i’m person4924 on ao3 but i can’t figure out how to link it

this is my spotify (my character playlists are my pride and joy and reason for living. i also have the best music taste you will ever encounter.)

this is my discord

this is my airbuds idk if anyone actually uses it but i thought it’d be fun to share music with mooties

please please please send me asks i have no hobbies and one friend and im always bored please please please (im on my hands and knees begging please please please (@iluvmultipleppl needs it to be known im only on my knees for them /j (they called me a whore and told me to fix it 😔)))

i have a tagging system!! idk how much ill remember to use it but yeah!! (its also new so only my new posts will have them) #sam shut the fuck up -> any original posts that don’t fit in any of the other tags #asks!!! -> asks #crazy? i was crazy once -> just any kinda longer fandom rants that i think are important sam sings :O -> lyric/music rants!!

[yunalinwrites]

jjk fics i'll never write (but maybe you will!)

i have a bunch of fic ideas i dont think i'll ever get to bc saved by the bell is taking rlly long and i don't have a lot of time (╥﹏╥)

i still wanna see them come to life tho so i think im just gonna throw them out there for anyone who wants to use lol

idk maybe ill write these eventually but even in that case im not gonna stop anyone else from using them as well

go ahead and alter however u like, but tag me if u use!! im letting u peek in my brain >:)

and even if ur not a writer these can just b like imagination prompts for when u go to bed LMAO

"love is work" - nanami kento x reader

summary: title is self-explanatory tbh--the idea that nanami kento views love as work could be applied to any scenario. but, i think it would be interesting for the reader to be the person he meets at the bakery. maybe the bakery is a family business, so the reader's work is literally driven by familial love. although, im not sure if that means they agree or disagree with nanami about love being work.

alternatively, the reader could be a co-worker of nanami's.

conflicts/themes:

serving oneself vs. serving others

what makes love/work worth it?

"meet cute" - fushiguro megumi x reader

there are so many canon strangers to lovers opportunities with megumi lol.

like, being the person "hitting on" (asking for directions from) fushiguro during that one juju stroll.

or the person getting robbed and saved by the 1st year crew, also from juju stroll. (also applicable for yuji and nobara x reader)

there's also the light novel chapter where megumi and yuji stalk gojo at a maid cafe, so maybe the reader works at the maid cafe, and the very stoic but handsome megumi catches their eye. this scenario could also be applicable to yuji x reader or gojo x reader.

there's also an original scenario i was thinking of cuz megumi likes reading (specifically non fiction) so what if the reader was a worker at a book store or a librarian. maybe they know about sorcery already because they read a non-fic book about it and recognize his uniform when he walks in.

also i haven't seen a megumi x tsumiki's friend!reader, esp considering that one girl when tsumiki is confronting megumi about bullying lol. this one could have an interesting conflict bc that girl urged tsumiki to do the test of courage that ended up getting her cursed! so then how would megumi deal with his love interest (the reader) also being the person somewhat at fault for his sister's demise?

not a meet-cute prompt but generally i think it would b interesting in any megumi fic for gojo to be a conflict. like, as megumi's father figure, he doesn't want megumi to end up like him and suguru, so he's very hesitant about letting megumi fall in love with someone since "love is the most twisted curse of them all." but i think in the end, he might realize that love/the reader is exactly what will stop megumi from turning into suguru, so gojo ends up giving the reader his blessing.

"sugar makes blood thicker" - geto suguru x reader

tw: spoilers for gojo's past/hidden inventory/star plasma vessel/premature death arc, angst, DARK CONTENT, self-destructive behaviors, self-harm, eating disorders

summary: reader is a student at jujutsu high in 2006, alongside geto and gojo. reader is from the kamo clan and uses blood manipulation. they've been taught to keep a very strict diet to optimize the viscosity of their blood. just like how geto hates the taste of cursed spirits, reader hates the taste of their diet. they fall in love with each other, because they've finally met someone that makes them feel understood.

if you want to go even darker, the reader's technique may involve cutting (kind of like marie from gen v)

conflicts/themes:

what's the point of fighting for a world that's done nothing for you in return? ("what has the world done for me lately?")

sugar makes blood thicker, which i can imagine is harder to control for a blood manipulation user

gojo satoru is the opposite of the reader: he eats however he pleases, which includes lots of sweets, so it's hard for the reader to be around him/doesn't like him. as a result, it's also hard for geto to have to pick sides between his best friend and the reader

ending: canon ending; geto chooses reader over gojo; they turn evil and run away together with nanako and mimiko. although it could also be interesting for geto to choose gojo over the reader, or if there's somehow a happy ending for everyone here.

I have no title for this one but gojo x megumi's older sister reader

self-explanatory. during the 2006 arc, after gojo kills toji. they raise megumi together <3

"if only i could go back" - any character x reader

summary: this is pretty self-indulgent lol this one's for everyone who wants to heal everyone's trauma and just have a happy ending lmao. i had this idea of the reader either being a sorcerer or a curse who has the power to grant one wish but in doing so sacrifices themselves (they die). so, obviously, they're in high demand by everyone:

megumi wants to heal his sister

gojo wants to bring suguru back

geto wants to rid the world of non-sorcerers

toji wants his wife back

shoko wants her friends back

etc

some situations the reader may find themselves in are being held at the school so that nobody can use their power unless absolutely necessary. or maybe they were captured by the curse users.

technicalities about the reader's power: they can't grant their own wish, but they have full autonomy over whose wish they can grant, meaning the only way that someone could get their wish granted is through befriending and persuading the reader.

conflicts/themes:

characters having to choose between their wish (which kills the reader) and their fondness of the reader (wanting the reader to stay)

will they truly be happy if their wishes are granted?

how does the reader feel about being the method of people's desires but not actually being the desire?

***

alr im done yapping

[yesiknowimshort]

looking at the fanon from canon with tim drake

(to the best of my own knowledge; take with a grain of salt; i’m open to discussion and disagreement; we can take this like an english lit class analysis)

this is inspired by discussions with @boredandboredmind about misconstrued info with jason and tim on their own posts about it.

also do not take this as hate to tim fic writers, you’re amazing and you best believe i’m checking the tim x reader tag constantly. i just want to be able to help give you easy access to half-canon-compliant info, and you can choose to take it or leave it.

and especially if you only know tim through online media (which is always valid and i’ll hear no argument!), it can be hard to differentiate between what it is “out of character, completely fanon” behaviour, and what is actually plausible.

RELATIONSHIPS

with his dad

tim’s relationship with his dad is extremely complicated. they both loved each other… but both of his parents had a very different way of showing their love to what tim needed.

for the majority of his life, his mother and father were super neglectful of him and his interests, which of course is how we had nine year old tim drake running around figuring out people’s identities and tryna convince nightwing to go back to batman bc tim said batman wouldn’t cope without a robin, as if he knew them personally.

bruce generally disapproved of tim being left alone while his parents were on business trips, so he looked out for tim a lot during those times.

after the death of tim’s mother, his father was all moody for a bit bc his company had gone to shit… oh and his wife died. anyway he was acting like mr crabs when he loses his money for a while until his physiotherapist dana winters was like “yo get a hold of your life man”. so jack attempted to reconnect with his son… but tim was already deep in the mantle of robin and hanging out with bruce wayne.

tim was a little reluctant at first but after a while he did really appreciate his dad trying to be a dad for once… but it conflicted with the life he had already made for himself.

tim was sneaking out to do hero work, skipping school, coming home in the early hours beat and bruised, being snarky and angsty to his dad, super secretive; basically coming off as a reckless hooligan teenager (even tho he really wasn’t) which made jack incredibly angry at tim a lot of the time, causing them to have a lot of fights.

jack was also super insecure as his position as tim’s dad as he felt inferior to the relationship tim had built with bruce.

so one day while tim was out, jack raided tim’s bedroom (10/10 parenting skills there, well done jack) which dana winters was horrified by and actually sided with tim when tim came home and blew up at his dad -anyway jack found out tim was robin.

he stormed to bruce and was like “fuck you and fuck my son’s role as robin. he’s going to boarding school”.

long story short, tim resumes the mantle of robin and his dad deals with it and they begin to really get along again, like a true father and son… and then his dad is murdered. tim finds him and is distraught, and that’s when we get this classic image of tim and bruce:

(it’s horrible obviously but i love this illustration so much. the way tim’s half in and out of the robin gear, the single eye you can see, the way he’s half collapsed over his father’s body and clinging to bruce for dear life) anyway then tim goes into the care of bruce wayne.

with bruce

lemme start of by saying: tim would only ever use the wayne name for business means as future ceo/controlling shareholder of W.E.

tim will always be a drake.

he quite literally made up a fake uncle so he wouldn’t get adopted by bruce, even though bruce really wanted to adopt him. not only that- he went as far as to forge a new will including this fictional uncle to avoid being bruce’s son

he struggled a lot with bruce’s “affection” after his father’s death since he never saw bruce as a father beforehand, only ever as a mentor. and of course, up until later in his robin career, he wasn’t even an orphan. he still technically wasn’t since dana winters ended up marrying his dad and becoming his step-mum, but she’s basically forgotten sadly.

he also consistently makes a point to make sure people know he made himself robin, and it wasn’t batman’s choice at all.

he appreciates bruce of course, but it’s more on an intellectual and emotional level than anything else. tim came from money (albeit, new money), and even though his parents' company basically died with his father there would’ve been some amount of inheritance money. not to mention without a shadow of a doubt, he would’ve had an account his parents had been saving for him.

living in another manor house and working around international companies and important people, wouldn’t be too different from what his life would’ve become had his parents not died.

tim would appreciate bruce not for the life he gave him, but simply because of bruce being intellectually stimulating for him. remember; tim sees the life he has as the life he made.

he reminds me of damian in the fact that both of them would struggle with dealing with people who bored them, people who couldn’t offer them anything.

anyway bruce = respected equal, bruce ≠ tim’s new dad.

 with jason and damian

boom. all you need to know.

nah but seriously...

jason attacked tim in the tt tower when he came back to life but can you really blame him? he was replaced, and it made sense for him to come after tim since as we know, tim forced himself into the role and did, technically, steal jason’s spot before bruce realistically would’ve replaced him.

but they never held that grudge throughout jason’s reintegration into the family. of course they’d have sibling fights (note that tim doesn’t think of any of his adoptive brothers as real brothers; but jason is closest to), but a little roughhousing is normal. i’m the eldest of 6 brothers and believe me, we fight all the time. literally yesterday one of them and i bit each other while fighting (if you don’t think damian and tim would do that, you’re kidding yourself). but we love each other, and if anything happened we’d jump to each other's defence.

moving onto damian...

the way tim views damian is very telling of tim’s worldview and childhood. when damian arrived, tim demanded that regardless of being batman’s son or not, damian must work to earn the love and respect of bruce, “like everybody else” he had said. clear projection from tim here, since up until dami, tim was the only one who wasn’t “wanted” per se, and also tim’s had to work for people’s affection and attention his entire life. look at his parents; they were the half-arsed “that’s great honey” and then back to their phone call type of people (well we know where tim gets his steadfast work ethic from).

anyway, tim finally had the spotlight on him for a while only to have it turned for some little genetic abnormality.

tim’s suffering from the “been the only/youngest child for too long” phenomenon; they do not believe there is room enough in one's heart for more unconditional love. it’s quite sad if you think about it; he was in his mid-late teens by this point.

tim was quite patronising of damian when they were introduced, but he quickly pulled the “i’m just messing with you” card and did try to fix it, but stubborn-as-tim damian just started to preach his favourite “i’ll inherit everything without even trying” play. this obviously pissed off tim to no end. it seemed damian knew the perfect way to get under his skin, and it was putting tim even more on edge. it made him feel insecure in his place with bruce. for the first time tim didn’t think he was gonna be able to get his way easily.

eventually though, batman assures tim that damian being his biological son doesn’t change anything that he has with tim, and that tim doesn’t have to prove anything to him.

yes, if you look up tim and damian, you can see that damian has done some horrible things to tim and the two have very thin patience for each other, but that’s simply because they both understand the perfect ways to piss each other off. it’s just so easy for the both of them that they can’t help themselves.

i also will say that damian views the relationship as much more “mortal enemies” than tim does, but he is a child several years younger than tim, so it’s natural for him to view it as a bigger deal than tim.

all in all, jason and tim, and tim and damian are simply just brothers, and if you have more than two siblings, i’m sure you know as much as we deny it, everyone had a favourite and a least favourite sibling -it’s natural. for tim, his favourite is jason, and his least just happens to be damian.

just like damian’s favourite is dick, and least favourite happens to also be tim.

with stephanie

(now i don’t know as much about steph as i do for tim so feel free to correct me)

stephanie brown got into the hero scene by being the best little shit i’ve ever heard of and messing up her villain dad’s plans. her dad was cluemaster, a friend of the riddler, and she would literally just show up and spoil their plans in annoying ways (hence her name; spoiler).

she was tim drake’s girlfriend -it’s important to note that she wasn’t robin’s. she had no clue about his double life and broke up with him because she thought he was being unfaithful (fair enough).

when tim’s dad took robin away from him, steph stepped up to the plate with a made up robin costume and (like tim) demanded to be the replacement.

her 71 days in the spotlight as the first female robin ended in a couple different ways (thanks comics for making it hard). bruce dismissed her for his belief that she couldn’t follow orders, but he also didn’t believe that she could live up to tim... ouch. he didn’t even approve of her as his partner until she was killed. oh god here we go again...

i personally don’t acknowledge that she died. just- nope. i always look at it as wrong place, wrong time for steph. she could’ve been a great robin, but tim left massive fucking shoes to fill, and i reckon bruce was looking for any little reason to fire her -disobeying one order to not involve herself in a fight just happened to be the perfect opportunity (according to bruce). not to mention steph (and this isn’t necessarily a wrong thing) was undisciplined in hero-ing.

not to say tim was straight-laced and serious, more that him being at an equal mental level to bruce, and the both of them having built strong trust in each other, gave him a lot more leeway to do what he wanted and have the means to back up his actions.

ORIGINS OF POPULAR FANON

obviously i’ll never know exactly where something came from. this is more my speculation and attempt and supplying the headcanons with canonical evidence or debunking them.

where does “tim is a sickly boi” come from?

his lack of a spleen.

i’m not sure if most people now know that’s the reason why, but that’s gotta be how it started.

without a spleen, our body's other organs like the liver can take over many of the spleen's functions. you'll still be able to cope with most infections but there's a heightened risk that a serious infection will develop quickly, especially from certain bacteria and parasites like malaria.

if he got on antibiotics and rested when he started to feel ill, he’d be fine, but tim would never remember to take antibiotics and gods forbid he let himself rest so... he’s working until his body forces him to take a break.

mimi approved fanon  👍

where does “tim doesn’t care for himself” come from?

he’s a stubborn person. people don’t emphasise this enough. usually, people just use the motivation of depression (which, fair, it could be included in it). however, he will literally do whatever the fuck he wants because he’s tim fucking drake and that's all the excuse he feels he needs. like he is prepared to sacrifice everything *cough cough* himself to see his plan go through.

he’s also stubborn in his need to prove himself as we know. as a self-appointed robin; his mantle had felt fragile to him. not to mention damian made his grand appearance to push tim into that sweet sweet middle child category.

and as we already know, his dad also forcefully took the mantle from him and stopped him from seeing bruce. every time things start to go well for tim... it all seems to go to shit.

this in turn led to the fanon of ‘chronic perfectionism to the point of halting self-care in order to complete x, y z to prove himself’.

he also canonically doesn’t care much for sleep; in teen titans when superboy finds him awake tim just goes “it’s only three, i’m checking my emails”.

mimi approved fanon 👍.

where does “tim’s a coffee addict” come from?

he actually is only ever depicted drinking/buying coffee like 3 times (i don’t know for sure, please correct me if it’s more/less).

it ties in well with the previous point; tim’s coffee addiction is a way to justify how he can still function when he’s on 5 minutes of sleep, battered and bruised and still able to kick arse and be intelligent.

mimi approved fanon 👍

where does “tim have abandonment issues” come from?

his mum dies and he loses how his dad used to be.

he gains a better version of his dad and then his dad acts like an arsehole.

his dad gets better again and then his dad dies.

he had steph and then she left him because he just couldn’t explain who he was.

he gets bruce and then damian shows up.

he gets bruce back and then bruce dies, and nobody believes him when he says he’s alive.

yeah... it makes sense.

would be mimi-approved fanon, but i’ve never like the way i’ve seen it portrayed in fanon.

i see a lot in fics he does the “i’m pushing you away first to protect us both” and i just don’t personally agree with the depiction. call me petty but that’s my thoughts.

where does the perception that tim’s the soft one come from?

no fucking clue honestly.

mans blinded deathstroke’s (/jericho, hard to explain) good eye on purpose while delivering a one liner about fighting blind, and then told the man he just fully blinded that he agreed with deathstroke that he (tim) could be vicious when he had to be.

that one-on-one moment in the teen titans comic is demonstration enough of tim being the opposite of the soft one. none of the robins are soft. if we’re going off who’s the most “sensitive”, then it’d be dick or damian -those two have the shortest fuse.

tim blinded someone by throwing his fucking birdarang at the guy’s one good eye and was sure enough and committed enough to what he planned to do that he had the precision to make sure not to take the eye out completely -only debilitate him. that’s some calculated callousness right there.

he also boasted to the teen titans about lying to batman, after he just lied to starfire about staying put in a fight (and his lie used that ‘goody two shoes’ perception of himself; he’s self-aware of how he can come off)… and then he broke his friends out of the tt tower by cutting glass in the shape of a bat. dudes cocky as.

not to mention he literally stalked batman and ran around solving murders and dropping off the evidence to gordon before even being a robin. he was on the CIA’s watch list for crying out loud.

tim is extremely underestimated. to the point where (as @forcesofnatureunleashed accurately described) this “uwu” version of tim has taken over the fandom and made him out to seem like a mega wimp and a quiet tortured soul.

i’m not dismissing the shit he’s actually gone through, i’m just saying he’s gone through enough that you don’t need to make up that he was berated by his dad, can’t talk about his pain, and relies on his tech, when he’s quiet literally the best martial artist in the family and highly respected by ra’s al ghul.

you don’t just get respected by ra’s al ghul; especially if you were an overly sensitive, shaky-knee-ed, spineless, weakling.

STRONGLY mimi disapproved fanon 👎

[ifr1t]

Who Dares To Enter The Mayhem?

Hi! I’ve been here for a hot minute and only just realised I haven’t made an intro post so this is that

The name’s Ifrit, I’m an Australian (AEST) teenage artist, actor, cosplayer, writer, and professional cringefail nerd.

I use they/he/she/em pronouns sneaky disguised as any/all

I usually just scream into the void but I also post fanart or occasionally write fanfic so keep an eye out for that

Interests/Hobbies, + DNI/BYF under the cut‼️ (beware, it’s long) ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

DNI/F:

Basic DNI (homophobes/transphobes/lgbtqphobes, racists/xenophobes/whitewashers, sexists, p3dos/MAP, r4pe/abvse apologists or jokers, etc.)

Endorse the creation of p3dophilic/racist/incestuous content/“fiction”

Zionists/Pro-Israel

Pro-generative AI

Zoophiles

Pro-ship/fic

Ableist

Anti-neopronouns

General bigots

BYF:

I’m autistic w ADHD, I often use tone tags. They’re not required but appreciated :)

I’m mostly active on Twitter

Please no DM unless we’re mutuals or it’s important (eg. i'm following someone problematic, I said/did something that you think I may be unaware of, etc). Ask is OK!

Though I don’t talk about them often, I’m not afraid to discuss my political beliefs

Music: I listen to pretty much everything to some extent

Ghost

Sleep Token

Hozier

Megan Thee Stallion

Yaelokre

Babymetal

Ricky Montgomery

Bring Me The Horizon

Will Wood /& the Tapeworms

The Oh Hello's

Illapu

Joy Division

Maelstrom Black

Video Games:

Baldur’s Gate 3

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare Trilogy (OG & Reboot)

Detroit: Become Human

Overwatch 2 (im so bad)

Movies:

Deadpool 1 & 2

Deadpool & Wolverine

Venom 1 & 2

Spider-Man: ITSV/ATSV

probably other stuff im forgetting rn

TV:

X-Men ‘97

X-Men (original Animated series)

Good Omens

Bungou Stray Dogs

Dungeon Meshi

The Boys (not super into it tho)

Our Flag Means Death ('')

YouTubers:

Kwite

Danny Motta

Russian Badger

Jschlatt

Not Even Emily

Ted Nivison

Tommyinnit

Jack Septiceye

Technoblade

Slimecicle

Other/Hobbies:

Theatre & Musicals

Art

Acting

Hamilton (musical)

Accidental Death Of An Anarchist (play)

The Song of Achilles (book)

Favs!˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚:

Neil Newbon (actor)

Hugh Jackman (actor)

Ifrit and Zephyr (the band Ghost)

Hozier (Musician)

Astarion (BG3)

Karlach (BG3)

Papa Emeritus IV (the band Ghost)

Connor (DBH)

Deadpool / Wade Wilson (Marvel Comics)

Wolverine / Logan Howlett (Marvel Comics/X-Men)

Spider-Man (Marvel Comics)

Morph / Kevin Sydney (X-Men)

Nightcrawler / Kurt Wagner (X-Men)

Storm / Ororo Munroe (X-Men)

My twt mooties

My irls

[river-muse]

That WIP ask game is seriously an underrated concept tbh, authors should be able to air out their works and ideas if they want to, even if those are unfinished.

Since I've been bugging you a little about MH I think I have to ask about the Monster Hunter Derelict WIP. MH Is an interesting setting for sure, but it's also hard to think of something to write in it, except maybe a dnd-like hunter party? Anyway, I'm rambling, definitely interested what you had going on There.

Also, I'm a filthy cheater and a sucker for time-themed fiction, so I definitely have to ask about Whatever Time May Bring. Feel free to ignore my filthy cheater double request tho

I agree! Being able to show off stuff we're working on without perfection being expected is super fun because I can pick out highlights and hold it up without needing to go "is this polished enough to be read?"

Since one is sort of a mini-fic that's an AU me and one of my close friends are messing around with for the funnies I'll answer both of your requests! I'm giggling and rubbing my hands together.

Monster Hunter Dereliction is the working title of a DMC MonHun AU that centers around a small Guild outpost in the Old World that pretty much has its shit figured out due to there not being many settlements in the area that need to be protected. My friend and I went "fuck it minimal family loss trauma in this department" so a lot of the cast is Around(tm) except for Sparda(we haven't decided what happened to him yet if anything).

There's sort of a plot figured out, though most of it's up in the air because we haven't had too much of a chance to talk more thoroughly about it and are just in the brainstorming department. We really just wanted to come up with our own biomes and monster designs for fun. It would involve a clash between two Elders breaking open a crevice in the earth that reveals an underground cavern system- and unknowingly awakening an Elder that has almost cosmic horror-esque traits to it. There's a sketch but it's not mine so I'd have to ask my friend later if he'd be cool with me sharing it.

For a little insight into some character placements, since I'm a bit obsessive about how lore in MonHun goes xD I won't go into what everyone is doing but I will share a handful.

I don't have much in way of writing, since I just got a few key ideas down- but have at it!

I think we decided Dante was the master in that area? He's mostly chilling around the outpost unless something super dangerous comes up that he's needed for.

Vergil is a high-ranking hunter who tends to do tasks for the Scholars that takes him into dangerous areas for the challenge and potential to explore old ruins. He's in and out of the outpost a lot on a whim so unless he's requested specifically good luck finding him.

Nero is an established hunter who tends to get a little babied by the others, which leads to him being more adamant about pushing his limits to prove himself and get them to stop worrying.

Eva regularly travels, recording locales and monsters in general peace.

Kyrie acts as the guild sweetheart for the location, handling quest assignments and making sure the hunters are properly prepared.

Credo is one of the residing guild knights, which is a rank in the guild that handles upholding guild regulation and deciding on punishment for anyone caught illegally poaching monsters.

Nell is the residential smithy! She's been training Nico for a long time now to take over in the future.

For now Nico tends to tag along behind Nero on a lot of hunts to observe them, swipe some new materials for herself, and experiment with equipment that diverts away from standard expectations.

Patty is a guild sweetheart in training, if I remember right? I only wrote her name in all caps in this post-it note and nothing else fdsgfbsdxjkgbj

-

Dante’s late to leave his room today, not expecting too many requests to come in if any. It’s been quiet since they’d sorted out the sudden influx of larger wyverns that had migrated South from their own territories. Which isn’t a good sign. It could mean something bigger is on the way soon. However nothing’s turned up. So to him the problem’s been solved. The peace lasts about as long as expected though, because the door pushes open without so much as a knock from the incoming visitor. It’s Lady. Not even in her armor yet but scowling as if she’d just gotten tossed around by a Diablos. “Where’s your fucking brother?” “Not even a good morning?” Dante yawns. “Passed morning a few hours ago.” Lady crosses her arms and leans against the doorframe “Now about Vergil-“ “Do I look like my brother’s keeper?” When It’s obvious Lady isn’t accepting that as an answer he groans and rests his feet on his desk “Out. On an expedition. That’s why one of the aptonoth aren’t in the stable. He’s North, checking out whatever caused that Wyvern displacement. Should be back in a few days.”

-

Vergil lingers by the ledge of the massive crevice, peering into the darkness to see faint shimmers of light that waver as if moving. It’s odd. With most of the trees decimated there should be plenty of sunlight shining down to show whatever’s down there. The darkness opens its eyes. Swirling colors and glowing light as faint pupils shrink to paper-thin slits when they focus on him. From the positioning of them Vergil isn’t sure if he’s looking face-to-face with a creature or with multiple. He doesn’t recognize any visible traits and stumbles away from the ledge. There’s a snapping noise and Vergil looks back to see the aptonoth has broken her binds in her attempt to flee, taking all of Vergil’s gear with her as she disappears into the treeline. A rattling, warbling noise that resembles a broken horn echoes loud enough that it hurts Vergil’s ears. He covers them with his hands and regrets not bringing earplugs. Something cold enough to leech the temperature through his armor wraps around his ankle, and drags him into the crevice. He grasps at the rock. His gloves dig in and he struggles to grab his blade. It slips from his hands and he falls with it. Darkness engulfs his vision made to feel darker by the eyes that fill his peripheral. One more eye, larger than all the others, opens up in front of him to blot out his last view of the sun.

-

Nero’s the first to volunteer and the first to be ready to depart. He shuffles about, fretting over what equipment to take and how long of a trip it will be. “Don’t you dare authorize that mission.” Credo objects, smacking his hand on the table “There’s no telling how long he’ll be gone, and if there is a wyvern strong enough out there to take Vergil down then I don’t feel comfortable sending him out.” “He’s qualified. Just as capable as the rest of us.” Dante insists “You need to stop babying him or he’ll never get his feet under him.” “How dare you accuse me of coddling one of our hunters?” “You’re not really beating the allegations. Especially since he’s got a crush on your sister.” “Do not-“ Nero objects. Dante stares, raises an eyebrow, and Nero clicks his tongue. Nero looks away while his cheeks flush red.

---

NOW onto-

Whatever Time May Bring. You have sniffed out the ONE NASNAH part that I think you're going to love the most, because it takes place when Nero's 15 and a certain 8 year old girl finds her way into Dante's life. It skims through the anime timeline and a bit beyond, since for reasons not yet revealed in the plot Dante decides to keep Vergil and Nero out of most of the details of his demon hunting work. It's a scene compilation like how "In Leaps and Bounds" was for little Nero. It's also finally the time where Nero starts questioning his family's behavior and secrets more than before.

-

Vergil watches the ensuing exchange with all of his attention he can muster. There’s something comedic about a young child pushing Dante to wits’ end when Nero at that age earned nothing but Dante’s adoration. He then notices Nero’s uncharacteristic silence. It takes just one glance to see Nero’s eyes are wide, watching Patty with an expression that he hasn’t seen before. “Nero?” Nero startles out of his thoughts, straightening up. “Uh, hi.” Nero says. He picks up his coat from the floor and dusts it off. “A little slow on the uptake. Did you overheat trying to wear that over here?” Dante asks. “No just-“ Nero looks away and seems to get his bearings “-wasn’t expecting to see you taking care of a kid. He’s being nice to you, right?” Nero looks at Patty with his question. “He’s horrible! He doesn’t clean, never explains anything until after it happens, and won’t eat anything but pizza and strawberry sundaes. I’m surprised he even knows what tomato juice is let alone drinks it.” Patty pouts and motions at Dante with a pointed finger.

-

Patty is- energetic. She’s outspoken and from how she speaks her mind is sharper than she leads others to believe. Yet she’s very much a child in how she behaves. Much like how Dante had been at her age to an extent. It had been obnoxious to deal with when younger, but Vergil can rationalize it as normal behavior for children in hindsight. Nero’s odd phase of having become quiet and calm as a child must have been a special case. “Would you advise I rescue Nero now, or later?” Vergil questions. “I think they’ll get along just fine without us hovering.” Dante pushes up from his chair and nudges a box of stuffed animals to the side with his foot. He tilts his head to the hallway door “Let’s leave them to it.” “And what will we be doing, instead?” “If you don’t want to know the weird details of the job, then I guess we can stay here and listen to Patty go on all day about that stupid show.” “Hey! I heard that.” Patty speaks up, looking over from the couch. “I wasn’t talking to you.” “But you were talking about me, so that’s pretty much the same thing.” Patty sticks her tongue out.

-

“What happened to my mom? Who was she?” Vergil’s gaze flicks away. Guilt passes over his face and he keeps cleaning without giving an answer. “Hey, you can’t just ignore me. I asked you a question-” Nero objects. “I can, and I will.” Vergil holds out the sauce pan “That is a topic for another time, Nero.” “Another time? Seriously?” Nero scowls as he uses a bit more force than needed to dry the pan “You’re gonna dare say that to me after years of this? I don’t even know what her name was.” Vergil pauses washing the dishes, resting his hands on the edges of the sink.

-

Thank you for letting me go insane and giving me a chance to share with you some Patty Propaganda! I had to seriously dig around and be careful with what I show since there's quite a few parts between the fic I'm currently uploading and this one, but I would be damned if I didn't give you something to look forward to. <3