#even when it comes down to the effect they have on people

[haosweater]

nasty dog

content: best friend! vernon x afab! reader, smut, pwp, college au. warnings: consumption of alcohol. smut: switch! vernon, switch! reader, name calling (puppy, mutt, miss etc), cunnilingus (oral on reader), praise kink, breeding kink.

summary: vernon is overprotective. everyone knows that. he says he just wants to make sure no man takes advantage of you, since y’know, men are dogs. well, then again, so is he.

word count: 2k

note: this was,,, supposed to be less than 1k words... oh well, i went crazy :d divider is by @cafekitsune on tumblr :)

you always found the situation funny. 

to people on campus, you and vernon were known to be best friends. he was your partner-in-crime, the one who knew and understood your humour the best. wherever you were, so was he. people rarely saw you apart. it was as if you both were attached to the hip.

your friends always teased vernon about how protective he was over you. it didn’t matter where men approached you. in school, at clubs, on campus— vernon was always lurking nearby, glaring at from the shadows. if looks could kill, he’d have been a serial killer. 

“aw vernon, don’t need to be jealous,” jihyo laughed as the male snapped out of his daze, and turned to look at her. “you’ve been staring at y/n for the past ten minutes.”

it was true. he had been busy staring at you. but he was also staring at the man whose hands were wandering down your body. his lanky figure was bent over so he could whisper god-knows-what into your ear. he just couldn’t look away from the way you giggled, your fingers tracing over the patterns on the stranger’s shirt. 

“well, that freak’s with her,” he sighs, downing the rest of his whiskey. “can’t be too careful now, can i?” 

chaeyong giggled, leaning against her boyfriend’s shoulder. “aw, are you worried y/n’s gonna leave you?” she teases the male as their whole group laughs. vernon rolls his eyes, but the smile on his face shows that he doesn’t mind it. “don’t worry, babes. you know she always has a special place in her heart for you.” 

vernon opts to not respond as his gaze drifts back to you. the man’s hands had trailed down to your waist, and it was now your turn to whisper in his ear. your hand was on his shoulder, gripping it tightly. he shuddered at your words, only fueling vernon’s curiosity even more. he knew you were whispering the most sinful things to him. he could see it in the way you grinned, knowing you were in control.  

the music faded into the background gradually as the boy is left with his own thoughts. ‘special place in her heart?’ vernon thought to himself, bringing the glass up to his lips. he didn’t doubt that. 

that’s when your eyes meet his. he chokes on his drink, surprised and embarrassed. he knew you knew that he’d been staring. it wasn’t like he was trying to hide it that well anyways. 

vernon feels small and shy when you look at him. your gaze was similar to that of a predator’s– focused, sharp, intimidating. you looked like you were about to devour him whole. he wouldn’t have minded that. 

he cannot look away. your eyes draw him in, your entire demeanour was confident, seductive, and you knew you were in absolute control. raising a finger, you gesture for him to come over slowly, as if casting a spell on him (for you, he’d knowingly fall for it all). with a soft smile, he finishes his drink quickly and leaves. 

he knew what this meant. 

“so? what did you tell him?”

you hum, closing your eyes with a smile on your face. vernon’s voice always had a soothing effect on you. “i told him how i’d tie him up and fuck him slowly,” you begin, sipping on your drink. “then i told him to fuck off and keep dreaming.” 

vernon’s laugh sounds like a familiar melody from your childhood. he hums, tracing circles across your skin gently. “very on brand for you, hm?” he teases, shifting his body down as the sheets rustle under your bodies. 

chuckling, you brushed his brown locks aside, but are quick to gasp as he inserts his tongue into you, catching you by surprise. “fuck, noonie,” you curse, relishing in the pleasure. “god, that tongue of yours,” you moan softly, flushing your hips against his face. 

from between your legs, vernon has a wild grin on his face. you roll your eyes at his antics, thoroughly enjoying the feeling of his tongue against your wet cunt. he mumbles something so softly, you only realise he spoke because of the vibrations it sent to your clit. 

“what’d you say—ngh, fuck,”you let out a gasp. “w-what’d you say, nonnie?” 

vernon lifted his head from between your legs, licking his lips. “all men are dogs,” he said, flicking the tip of his tongue against your clit as you shuddered. “and you know how nasty they are.” 

“fuck, 'non,” you whine as his tongue continues to assault your clit, fingers pumping in and out of you. “doesn’t that– oh god, you’re so fucking good,” you breathe heavily, relishing in the pleasure vernon never failed to give you. “doesn’t that make you a dog too?” 

the chuckle he let out was enough to make you groan. god, all it took was his laugh to make you even wetter (if that was even possible). 

his large eyes peek out from between your legs, mouth place soft kisses to your inner thighs. you shudder as his fingers start to move even faster, your hands grasping the satin sheets below you. 

“yeah, it does,” he smiles against your skin. “but i’m your dog, y/n,” he says with a hint of mischievousness in his voice. 

his fingers trace along your skin before you feel him gently pry your fingers off the sheets. his fingers intertwine with yours for a moment, a short, but intimate moment that has your heart fluttering more than you’d like to admit.

he hands you something and you’re slightly confused. its texture is slightly rough and it felt foreign to you. you look down and realise he’s handed you the end of a leash that was around his neck. “i’m yours to use. i’m here only to please you, to make you feel good. my pleasure is irrelevant– i’m made to serve you,” he whispers, planting kisses along your thigh as he looked into your eyes. 

“so please. use me.”

an insatiable energy surges within you. with a harsh tug of the leash, you have vernon in your lap. your free hand grabs his hair, moaning into his mouth as he grinds against you. 

“you’re such a horny fucking mutt,” you groan, as he kisses you back with much vigour. you can tell he’s desperate, the way his hips are moving against you. “you wanna fuck me? fuck your cum into me?”

vernon groans at your statement, nodding fervently as you chuckle, slowly lowering yourself down. the boy follows you, chasing your lips as he whined at the list of contact. you tug his leash and he lets out a low whimper, almost too soft for you to hear. “good boy,” you coo, ridding him of his pants eagerly. 

his cock was hard and twitched at your praise. you licked your lips at the sight. “you’re going to fuck me now, puppy. you will fuck me until i’m satisfied, and no cumming until i say so, you understand?” 

“yes, miss,” he huffs, eager to please you. at your nod of approval, he enters you, whimpering as your walls wrap tightly around him. “oh my god, miss,” he lets out a whimper, shaking at how good he felt. “fuck, you’re so warm.” 

the grin on your face widens, fully taking in how gorgeous your best friend looks. he was flushed, eyes squeezed shut from the pleasure. his hair was tussled messily, framing his gorgeous face. 

“may i move, miss?” his desperate whine snaps you out of your daze. 

“yes baby, you– ah, fuck!” vernon doesn’t even let you finish before he begins pounding into you mercilessly. you grip the sheets, wrapping your legs around his waist. the way his cock hit all the right spots made you moan, hands moving to his shoulder as your nails dug into his skin. 

his cock rammed into you relentlessly, making you arch your back, tears brimming in the corner of your eyes at how good it felt. the sound of your skin slapping filled the room, along with his desperate whines and your breathy moans. pleasure was an understatement for how good you felt. 

you yank at the leash, making vernon moan. his eyes were wide and glossy, begging for your touch. “you want me to touch you, baby?” you pant, fingers ghosting over his chest as he nodded. “good boy,” you smile and began to toy with his nipples, making him whine even louder, thrusting into you faster. 

“miss, miss, please, i’m going to cum,” he cries, tears rolling down his cheeks. “can i cum, please? i’ve been a good boy for you, so please let me cum,” he begged, lips plump and red. 

“no,” you say firmly, pulling his leash tighter. “you’re gonna make me cum before you can,” you instruct as he whined, but quickly obeyed. 

his hand moved down, fingers circling your clit as he leaned down to take your nipple into his mouth. you moan in his ear, whispering sweet praises into his ears. his pace increased, his desperation evident as he chased his own orgasm while trying to please you. 

the familiar coil in your stomach made you moan. “fuck, noonie, i’m going to cum,” you sigh in pleasure. 

as you think vernon can’t possibly go even faster, his hips begin snapping into you at an inhumane pace that made you gasp. “yes, miss! please cum for me,” he moans. “please let me in cum in you! please, please, please, i’ve been so good– i’ve been your good boy,” he begs, staring at you with his beautiful eyes.  

the tears that roll down his eyes turn you on even more and you shudder. “okay baby, you can cum inside me. you wanna breed me, yeah? fill me full of your cum until it drips out of me?” you ask as he groans, shaking at the thought. 

“yes, yes, miss. wanna show all those men that i’m yours. wanna fuck you full of my seed, please,” he cries out, holding onto you tightly. 

the knot in your stomach continues to build and you know you’re getting close. your nails dig down his back, your grip on his leash tightening. “fuck, noonie, i’m cumming,” you pant out, trying to match his thrust to chase your high. “fuck, i’m cumming, i’m cumming!” 

as soon as your walls tighten around his big, warm cock, vernon loses it. he lets out a loud groan as his seed spills into you. the sound of your moans echoed, as you rid your orgasm out, basking in the afterglow. 

“god, 'non, that was…” you pant, trying your best to catch your breath. vernon continued to stare at your chest, enticed by the way your boobs moved. “pervert,” you smack his ass, earning a help from him. “we need to clean up.” 

vernon nods, slowly sliding out of you, eyes trained at the entrance of your pussy. he loved the way his cum spilled out of you, painting your pussy white.

“'non?” you call out as he snaps out of his daze. god, your body looked gorgeous in the moonlight. “if you don’t come, you won’t be able to fuck me against the bathroom walls,” you say with a sly grin.

you love how vernon’s cock twitches at your words. smiling, you wink at him before turning around, swaying your hips as you walked away.

vernon giggled to himself. god, he really was just a nasty fucking dog for you.

[stoutguts]

Ghoap 💀🧼 relationship dynamic HC (shall we?)

Simon "Ghost" Riley is no scaredy-cat.

The man has been through hell on Earth, survived torture, abuse,—and being buried alive for fuck’s sake. They managed,—even after everyone he loved was taken from him. Has been through countless tense and anxiety inducing situations throughout their military career.

But Ghost has nerves of steel, excellent control over his emotions, and naturally that’s why it’s so damn good at its job.

Though…there is one thing that scares the shit out of them. Soap.

Simon thought he was all big and bad,—intimidating,—until he met John “Soap” MacTavish.

Johnny is only around half its size, yet he manages to be even scarier than Ghost somehow. Which is wild, considering one of them looks like the damn grim reaper with that skull mask of theirs.

Simon may have a reputation for “the guy you don’t wanna mess with”, to the point where people won’t even bother with them.—But Soap’s got more than a few screws loose himself.

New recruits and others will at least approach him,—but with serious caution, and are careful to watch their mouths around him.

His anger is explosive, fitting, for a demolitions expert. A total loose cannon when he wants to to be. Some recruits even refer to him as “the psycho Scot” or "Ghost's guard dog". Titles he takes to with pride.

Johnny’s known for putting people in their place, and with every fight he’s ever gotten into,—he’s always won. Often sending his opponents to medical.

Most of the time though, he just has to look at someone and it scares them shitless. He’s mastered his death glare, and it even sends shivers up Ghost’s spine.

The man’s a total gym rat and health nut, nothing but muscle, and he trains the most of anyone Simon has ever seen. He’s naturally a reigning champ when it comes to hand to hand combat, and he even beats Simon to a pulp on the sparring mats most of the time. (Ghost may like him beating the snot out of him more than they than would like to admit…)

Soap is often used for interrogations, as he’s morally bankrupt just enough,—to where he’ll do just about anything to get answers out of someone. Whether it involves violence or not.

Simon has seen the sheer extent of the injuries sustained by the poor bastards that were stupid enough to challenge him, that pissed him off, or that he’s extracted information out of—and that was enough for Ghost.

Simon is a smart man, and knows when to pick his battles. Soap being the battle he most certainly knows NOT to pick.

Johnny is more lenient with Ghost than other people, and lets them get away more. But Simon’ll be damned if it ends up on the receiving end of Soap’s wrath.

I really like the idea of Soap being the dominating one in the relationship, but Ghost not being entirely submissive either.

Like Simon can and will be the one to put him in HIS place, and knock his ego down a few pegs if need be. Though still allows him his fun.

While Johnny relies on Ghost to let him know when he’s “too much”, and makes a point to let Simon have the control, at least every now and then.

Both try to be as respectful as possible of the other’s needs and desires, while also "maintaining their roles". But both are effectively switches, whether it's in the bedroom or not, and mainly put up this dom and sub act for other people and for their own amusement.

SOAP BEING JUST AS MENTALLY FUCKED AS GHOST MY BELOVED

thanks for coming to my Ted talk

[cece693]

Sword Fighting (Nico Di Angelo x Son of Aphrodite)

Summary: You were a likable asshole—everything not associated with Aphrodite. You were devilishly handsome but with a temper of Zeus himself. It was as if you were a byproduct of Aphrodite and Ares. Unsurprisingly, you catch the eyes of many, but more so, the son of Hades, Nico Di Angelo.

tags: no specific timeline/book, oblivious idiots in love, Nico isn't dating Will, you did have something with the son of Apollo, dancing around feelings

Nico watched from the shadows, eyes fixed on the training field where you and Percy Jackson were locked in a heated sparring match. Each movement you made was precise, and confident—like you were born with a sword in your hand. The sunlight caught the sharp angles of your face, highlighting the look of sheer determination in your eyes as you deflected Percy’s swing with a graceful sidestep.

Nico tried to look away. He knew he should, but something kept his gaze glued to you. Perhaps it was the influence of Aphrodite in your veins, that inherent allure that seemed to draw in everyone around you, making them wish they could be closer, even when they knew you could be merciless. But deep down, Nico knew it wasn’t just that. He had felt the allure of others before, including Percy, but what he felt now was different. It was stronger.

You were unlike anyone he’d met at camp. A likable asshole, some called you, a paradox that intrigued him. While most children of Aphrodite were known for their beauty and charm, you were the polar opposite. Devilishly handsome, yes, but with a temper that could rival even Zeus himself. It was as if the gods had mixed the charms of your mother with the fierce spirit of Ares, creating something dangerously compelling. And that danger was precisely what caught Nico’s attention.

Your sword collided with Percy’s in a shower of sparks, and a grin spread across your face. The thrill of the fight, the intensity of it—those things stirred something inside you that Nico could almost feel from where he stood. It was part of what made you so maddeningly attractive. While others found themselves drawn to you for your looks or your charisma, Nico was captivated by that spark, that raw, untamed energy you seemed to possess.

And it frustrated him.

Nico wasn’t one to get swept up in emotions, especially not for someone so openly infuriating. You were arrogant, quick-tempered, and brimming with an insufferable confidence. Yet, there you were, invading his every thought. He wanted to hate you, to dismiss you as just another self-absorbed child of Aphrodite. But every time he watched you—whether you were laughing with friends, glaring at someone who had crossed you, or fighting as you were now—he felt his resolve crumble a little more.

Percy swung his sword in a wide arc, but you were faster, ducking under it and stepping to the side. “You’re getting sloppy, Jackson!” you teased, voice tinged with that self-assured arrogance Nico had grown used to hearing.

“Yeah, yeah,” Percy grumbled, adjusting his stance. “Just you wait.”

You turned your head slightly, as if sensing Nico’s gaze on you. For a split second, your eyes met his, a flicker of something unreadable passing between you. Nico’s heart skipped a beat. Then, just as quickly, you turned back to Percy, deflecting another attack with a casual flick of your wrist.

“You’re staring again, Di Angelo.” A familiar voice came from behind him. Not bothering to turn, Nico felt Will Solance come and stand next to him, probably wearing a knowing smirk. He felt his cheeks burning, “Shut up, Solace.”

No heat was behind his words; after all, it seemed foolish to argue with one of his only friends. Will chuckled, glancing past Nico to where you continued to spar with Percy. “He has that effect on people, you know.” he remarked with a knowing smile.

Nico’s jaw tightened, an unexpected pang of jealousy curling in his chest. He knew Will meant nothing by it, but the reminder stirred something inside him, something dark and possessive. You and Will had a brief romance once, something that had lasted only a few months before you both decided to part ways amicably. But despite the clean break, the memory of your closeness with Will gnawed at Nico. He hated that it did. The two of you had managed to stay friends, and he couldn’t deny that Will still harbored a certain fondness for you—one that Nico wasn’t sure he could compete with.

“Right,” Nico muttered, eyes narrowing as he watched you effortlessly parry another of Percy’s attacks. “He seems to have that effect on everyone.”

Will raised an eyebrow, glancing sideways at Nico. “Jealous, are we?”

Nico shot him a glare. “No.” he lied, a little too quickly. He hated how transparent he could be sometimes, especially around Will, who knew him too well for comfort.

Will sighed, his smile softening. “Look, I get it. He’s…hard to ignore.” He paused, choosing his words carefully. “But you should know, our thing was just a fling. We’re friends now, and he’s—”

“Don’t,” Nico cut in sharply, his voice tight. “I don’t need you to explain anything.”

"But—" Will tried to speak, however, Nico had already disappeared. Huffing in frustration, the son of Apollo continued watching as you easily beat Percy, sword hovering dangerously under his chin. When would those two oblivious idiots realize they're pinning for one another?

[space-cowgirllll]

Die With A Smile

Outbreak Day with ex-girlfriend Abby?

a/n: idk what lady gaga and bruno put in this song fr. I should have been studying for an Ochem exam but here we are lol.

"Government officials met today to discuss the recent spikes in hospitalizations all across the globe over the past week, with talks of setting up government run quarantine zones in all major cities." 

You perk up from your spot on the couch, trading the carton of ice cream in your hands for the TV remote. The local newswoman's voice fills the quiet space as the volume increases. You immediately recognize the hospital in the background. 

"Hospital staff everywhere are overwhelmed with the influx of patients coming in with symptoms of this mysterious virus. For the time being it is highly recommended that any travel plans be postponed. International flights have started being cancelled, leaving hundred of people stranded. The CDC advises everyone to remain calm  and continue to follow your city's imposed emergency curfews as they work towards finding the cause." 

The face-mask you'd slathered on earlier hardens as she lists off the symptoms to look out for: sudden mood changes, muscle spasms, and slurred speech. You can't wrap your mind around a simple virus causing all this. Your stomach sinks in realization, this is definitely more serious than anybody was letting on. 

Without even thinking you reach for your phone, quickly scrolling through your contact list until you land on the one person you've been avoiding. Abby, your ex girlfriend of six months. Your finger hovers over her number, wondering if this was worth breaking three months of no contact when loud screams come from the television. You look up just in time to see the blast of an explosion before the screen goes blank. Static stares back you. 

Your finger mashes down on the touchscreen with zero hesitation as you run to the sink, hands desperately scrubbing at your face while you wait for her to answer. You don't even stop to consider you might be blocked. 

Please pick up, please pick up, please.

"Hello?" Abby's panicked voice sounds through the phone. 

"Oh my god Abs. Are you okay?" You ramble. "I just saw the news and I- there was an explosion."

"I had to home to change. " Her voice is shaky, turn signal clicks faintly in the background. "I was still close enough to- OH MY GOD!" The sound of tires screeching drown out Abby's curses. A loud boom sounds off outside, this one feels closer. "I'm....to...you" Is the last thing you hear before the line goes dead.

You throw the phone across the room, a string of curses leaving your mouth. The open window of your living room lets you hear the chaos outside before you can see it. Helicopters fly overhead and sirens sound off in the near distance. One by one, porch lights come on as your neighbors step out of their homes, confusion etched on their faces.

The sound of a door slamming open catches everyone's attention. Out of the corner of your eye you see the outlines of two people moving towards the road. Your neighbor, Claire, yells as her husband chases after her. His movements far too quick and erratic for someone his age. 

Everyone watches in shock as he catches up to her, mouth attacking the side of her neck, effectively silencing her screams. The sight is gory. You stand frozen as some of the braver ones try to help, only to be met with a similar fate before he runs off into the middle of the road, searching for his next victim. Chaos quickly ensues, people run off back to their homes, garages pop open as some try to make a quick escape. You stagger back, knocking into the side table beside the couch. A picture frame falls over, shattering loudly on wood floor.

To your absolute horror, his head snaps to your window. For the first time, you're able to catch a glimpse of him up close. Gone was the sweet old man who would help you with yard work in those first few months after Abby moved out. The skin of his face is molted, almost as if something was eating away at it. Once sparkling blue eyes are completely glazed over. The bloodthirsty look on his face sends you reeling. 

His mouth parts open letting out a loud screech, ready to lunge through the thin window screen when a familiar black truck slams into him. Abby hops out, mouth moving quickly as she shouts something at you. Between the ringing in your ears and the loud screams outside you don't register what she says. Your eyes blink rapidly, hoping the sight of your elderly neighbor under her front tire is just your imagination. In your peripheral you see the front door swing open, Abby's keychain hanging from the lock. 

Strong hands grip you by the shoulders, shaking you out of your stupor. "Baby what are you doing? We have to go!"

Her woodsy scent envelopes you as she scoops you up and carries you out bridal style before tossing you in the passenger seat. Fingers clench into the leather as the truck reverses, disturbing the once perfect lawn. Your flowerbeds and mailbox becoming casualties in the process too. 

You peel your eyes off the dash, looking out the window as she flies through residential neighborhoods. More and more people are starting to trickle out from the safety of their homes. Some running with only the clothes on their backs, others quickly shoving personal belongings in their vehicles. 

Your voice is shaky when you finally speak up. "What's going on Abigail?"

She exhales heavily, looking exhausted. "I don't know."

"Are they all like that?" 

Her jaw clenches. "The ones I've been treating are in the early stages of their symptoms, but beds are full. We've been told to turn people away to recover at home." She huffs. "I don't even wanna know how many of them are out there running around like that."

You hesitantly rub her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her, slowly pulling back when she tenses. Her throat clears and the skin of her knuckles turns white as she tightens her grip on the wheel. 

"So what are we doing?"

You're shocked when she shrugs her shoulders. Abby always had a plan. You wrack your brain, trying to think of something. 

"My parent's cabin up north! We could go there." You suggest. "Y'know until everything settles down."

She makes a sharp right, following the signs pointing her to the nearest on ramp. Her fist slams against the wheel when you pull up to the main highway just five minutes later. It seems like everyone had the same idea. Cars are honking, people are screaming. Nobody is moving. The thought of sitting in bumper to bumper traffic right now doesn't sound like a smart idea.

"My apartment's in the city." Abby suddenly states. "They were setting up barricades when I left for work this morning. Flyers talking about a quarantine zone." 

She doesn't wait for your approval, sending the truck speeding towards her place. The closer you get to the city, the more erratic Abby's driving becomes. It's clear your little suburban bubble was late to the news of the outbreak. Downtown Seattle is absolute madness. Everywhere you look there's something happening. Those infected chase people up and down the streets, tackling the ones too slow to outrun them. Shops that you can remember being there your whole life are now ablaze. 

You grip onto the handle above your head watching wide eyed as Abby plows through debris in the street. Bile rises in your throat when you realize she most likely driving over the dead bodies left behind. 

The truck slows to a crawl. Concrete barricades were placed closer together here, making it impossible to get through. She silently curses at the fact that you're gonna have to leave the safety of the car and make the rest of the journey on foot. She grabs your face between her hand, forcing you to look her in the eye.

"Get ready to run baby." 

Your hand is on the handle when something crashes into your door. A scream gets caught in your throat as the infected bangs on the glass of your window before setting it's sights on the blonde. She's halfway out of the truck when she gets tackled to the ground. Her hands shoot out using all her strength to keep it from attacking her 

"Abby!"

She screams at you to run. Her arms are getting tired of holding this ridiculously strong freak back. Her hold is quickly slipping. Accepting her fate she screws her eyes shut bracing for the inevitable. A loud whack and she doesn't realize there's no longer any weight holding her down until your panicked voice is in her ear. 

"Holy fuck! Are you okay?"

You crouch beside her, a bloody metal pipe in your hands. Keeping a watchful eye on the body laying just inches from hers. She slaps your hand away, wincing when she gets up on her own. 

"Why would you do that?!" She whisper yells, unsure whether to kiss you for saving her or punching you for putting yourself in danger. "I told you to run!"

"I could never just leave you like that. You're welcome." You say through labored breaths. With a roll of her eyes she grabs your hand, sprinting in the direction of her building. 

You're thankful it's a short run from the car to her place. The two of you able to successfully hide from any other infected. It doesn't take long for either of you to realize that their vision sucks. 

The stairs up to her place are a feat of its own. You huff and puff up to the nineteenth floor, legs on fire when you finally walk through the door. 

Her apartment is spotless, because of course it is. Floor to ceiling windows give you a clear view of what seems to be the end of the world. 

"Oh my god." You stand in the middle of her room, watching in horror as explosions go off in my the distance. The ground beneath you shakes as they get closer and closer. 

Abby shakes her head in disbelief clearly putting two and two together. 

"It's so heavily populated here. They don't see the point in trying to separate the healthy from the infected." She whispers. Tears well in her eyes watching a plane purposefully fly into the ground off in the distance. The large blast setting fire to everything around it. There are more right behind it. "We're so fucked."

You watch as the fight leave her body. Your throat locks up, unable to scream at her. Wobbly legs pace back and forth in the small space trying to think of something that might work. Deep down you know it's pointless. There's no way you'd make it out of the city alive. Soft sobs wrack your body at the realization that this really is the end. 

Her shoulders slump as she sits on the bed. She gnaws on her lower lip to keep from crying too loud. "Can I hold you?" 

You nod, legs feeling like jelly. Abby reaches for you, pulling you up towards the headboard. The two of you lay beside each other breathing heavily with your hands intertwined. Tears stream down her face and onto the pillow under her head. 

She reaches over and kisses you, her shaking hand plays with the baby hairs on the nape of your neck. "My biggest regret was letting you go."

You watch face as she continues talking, lips moving against yours. "I had to stop myself from driving past the house every single day." She laughs. "Would have sat outside your door until you took me back."

"I wish you would have." You admit through a watery smile. 

"I never stopped loving you. I just want you to know that." She whispers, lips moving to kiss your temple. 

"I should have never left." Your lips meet the skin of neck tasting the salty tears that have pooled there. "I love you too Abby. So much it hurts." 

"I can't believe this is what it took for us to realize how stupid we were." She mumbles into your hair. Your face burrows into the crook of her neck. "I'm so sorry baby."

"I'm glad you came for me." You tell her, but you know she doesn't hear it. 

The walls start shaking, sending everything tumbling to the floor. You're no longer able to hear anything over the sound of a loud engine approaching. Her arms tighten around you, the two of you curl into each other. 

There's a jarring beeping in your ear just as it all goes black. 

You shoot up in bed, heart in your throat. The sound of your heavy breathing almost drowns out the harsh beeping of your alarm. Reaching over you rip the cord from the wall sitting in silence for a moment while your heartbeat returns to normal. 

The sun is shining outside, laughter from the kids across the street flows in through the small opening of your window. A lawnmower goes off in the distance.

Shaking hands fist the cool cotton of your sheets. The soft material grounding you. You look around the small room. Everything looks just as you left it. There's an empty bottle of wine on the dresser and you roll your  eyes at yourself. 

That explains it. 

You're okay. 

It was all a dream.

You jump out of bed, rushing to the bathroom before taking the stairs two at a time almost snapping an ankle. The entryway table shakes when you snatch the keys from on top of it. The warm August breeze that hits you when you walk outside makes you feel renewed. 

The quiet neighborhood looks as it always does. A couple of people are out watering their lawns while some head out for church. Claire sits on her front porch drinking a cup of coffee, giving you a little wave when she spots you pulling out of your driveway and it's a miracle you don't burst into tears. Using muscle memory you quickly punch in the number you know by heart, waiting with bated breath for an answer.  "Hello?"Your shoulders drop in relief at the sound of her voice. She's okay.

"Where are you?"

"At home," she pauses "why?"

"Perfect." You hang up before she can reply. Tossing the phone on the passenger seat you press your foot down on the gas. 

You make it to Abby's apartment building in record time, parking haphazardly by the curb. There's a ninety nine percent chance you'll come back to a parking ticket stuck to your windshield but you don't care. 

There's a moment on the elevator ride up to the nineteenth floor where you second guess yourself. Aware of how ridiculous you look in mix matched pajamas going to try and win your ex girlfriend back. You steel your nerves reminding yourself of how horrible those last few seconds of your nightmare were.  If she kicks you out you can at least say you tried. 

Abby answers the door looking mouth watering in a black tank top and gray shorts, her messy hair pulled back in a low bun. "Alright, how many traffic laws did you break on your way over here?"

"You don't wanna know." You pant, throwing yourself into her arms. 

She catches you with a soft grunt, hesitating for a second before wrapping her arms around you. The familiar scent of pine engulfs you.  

"Not that I'm not happy to see you, but what are you doing here?" Her teasing tone makes your face heat up. "I don't think random house visits on a Sunday at 8 AM fall under no contact." She quips. 

"I love you!" The words are out before you can stop yourself. "I love you and I don't want to go another day without letting you know that walking away from you was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I regret it every single day."

Abby leans back against the door with her hands still on your hips. There's a tiny grin on her face watching you spill your guts, you’re too worked up to notice. "I know we're both at the peak of our careers. I know we're busy, and there will be days we don't even get to see each other, but I'm tired of living like this. I miss you." 

You sniffle pathetically into her chest. "The world could end tomorrow and I don't want to regret never telling you how I felt." Thumbs wipe gently at your tears. "And if you don't feel the same way I underst- mmph!"

Her lips meet yours in a soft kiss, hands wandering under your shirt to caress the soft skin of your back. Neither of you make a move to deepen it, content to take it slow.

Abby pulls back first. Her eyes shine with unshed tears as she stares down at you. It suddenly hits you how much you've missed her. She brings her forehead to rest against yours. 

"Took you long enough baby."

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL

#59: The Eternal Love (1.06)

What The Ones Who Live made clear is that even before this world belongs to those who can fight, it really belongs to the ones who love. The ones who don’t let this world permanently change or destroy their ability to love. And so of course that means this world belongs to Richonne. 😌👌🏽

And Rick and Michonne’s indestructible everlasting love is at the foundation of this finale’s explosive final act 💥❤️...

The events of the bridge in season 9 and the devastating aftermath that kept Rick and Michonne apart for years have now led them to know that there are ways in which they won’t always be the ones who live. But even though they won’t literally live forever, they know their love will. Their love is eternal. 🥹

Just when all seems lost, Richonne sees Beale step out of the tent and they make a run for it. Michonne tells Rick to pull the flag down over them as she douses them in liquid to fend off the effects of the explosion.

Pearl is in shock seeing Walker Beale and before she can fully process it, the bombs and gas explode, instantly killing all those CRM higher-ups…except Pearl somehow. 🤔 Now, outside of plot armor, I'm not exactly sure of a plausible explanation for how Thorne survived this with how close and unprotected she was. But we move. 🤷🏽‍♀️

gif cred: @nerd4music

The base is smothered in that chlorine gas and the CRM soldiers have turned into walkers. Rick and Michonne are okay as they stay under the flag and are covered by the water. Pearl shows up with a mask still on the prowl and Rick tells Michonne that he’ll rush Pearl for her gas mask while Michonne grabs the other one.

Michonne asks, “Why you?” And Rick replies, “You’ve got the sword. We go?” And Michonne assents, saying, “We go.” It's a small thing, but I like how this moment always reminds me of their Say Yes scene when Rick tells Michonne he gave her eight walkers to take out because she has the sword.

Next, Rick and Pearl get into a fight and Pearl yells that he destroyed their chance and "destroyed the whole world." Which Pearl, ma'am, that's a little much. The CRM is not the world. As Rick passionately said in ep 1, this isn’t everything.

Pearl and Rick continue to fight and neither are holding back. Pearl starts to get the upper hand but then she grabs Rick’s hair and you already know how Rick feels when someone tries to touch something that belongs to Michonne - so he has to yeet her.

gif cred: @nerd4music

When he tosses Pearl, he gets surrounded by CRM walkers. There’s something symbolic about Rick being surrounded by these masked CRM walkers. They’re like the embodiment of the dead soldier Rick lived a long time as and how the CRM was constantly trying to consume him. They tried to turn him into just another lifeless member of their force and now they try to turn him into another lifeless delt. 

Pearl looks like she’s trying to aim her gun at Rick but then she joins the long list of people who learn the golden rule - never come for Rick in front of Michonne. You’ll get handled everytime. 💯 So sure enough, Michonne approaches and takes a swing at Pearl with Beale's sword.

I gotta hand it to Lesley having to take on a role where you go toe to toe with both Rick and Michonne. Thorne had to go at two heavy hitters back to back. 😅

gif cred: ricksmarlene/nerd4music

Now, Pearl's fight with Michonne goes a lil different because she doesn’t ever get the upper hand in this one.

Pearl says, “You were the one he was always trying to get to. How did you get to him?” I like that she says, always trying to get to. She knows Rick was real relentless in his pursuits to get to Michonne. 👌🏽

And then one thing Michonne is never afraid to do is tell you about yourself so, knowing what she knows about Pearl from Rick, Michonne says, “I didn’t give up. I didn’t give me up like you did.”

According to Richonne, there is always time to throw a little shade. And as Pearl has tried them both, not even poisonous gas was gonna stop Michonne from letting Pearl know...

But also, I like Michonne noting how she didn’t give up and didn’t give herself up because Michonne knows if you lose yourself you lose your way. She knows it from personal experience, as we saw at the start of her TWD journey.

It makes sense that Michonne was the only character in TOWL who refused to give herself up. Her briefly having to be Dana was like a more external version of the way the CRM internally makes everyone feel like they have to trade who they are to be what the CRM expects them to be.

While Michonne tried to play along to honor Rick’s request for five seconds, she ultimately decided that this place does not get to change her because what they make you is a cog in their machine and so detached from who you are at your core. Again, when you give in to that you lose yourself and then you lose your way.

And considering Michonne's way is meant to lead her back to her babies she was never going to let them take her from her. Then once she found her husband, she was also never going to let them take Rick from her again either.

Even when Michonne left that apartment in ep 4, while I think she was always going to make a choice that led her back to her kids, I don’t think Michonne would be able to live with just knowing Rick was out there externally and mentally imprisoned. So I think at some point she’d absolutely try to save him again. She’d have to. Saving him is saving her, it’s saving their family and it’s always been made clear that Michonne will never give up on her family. 

gif cred: @nerd4music

Determined to find Rick yet again during this fight with Pearl, Michonne yells “Where is he?” a couple times until Pearl finally tells her to turn around.

(Side note: I always feel like this whole exchange between Pearl and Michonne would have been the perfect organic opportunity to have Michonne declare she’s Michonne Grimes. Like if Pearl asked who she really is, after having asked her a similar question in the arena in ep 3, and Michonne said her name is Michonne Grimes...that would have had me turning up, ijs 🤩) 

Rick is struggling as the pile of CRM walkers grows and nearly overtakes him. Pearl fires shots at the walker that Michonne ducks behind. And then the way Michonne rises up when Pearl's murder attempts against her don’t work...it’s giving baddest chick in the game. 💅🏽

And Pearl seems to be realizing she’s come face to face with the baddest as she gets more desperate and says, “You don’t understand. In a dead world, love is dead.” Michonne shakes her head and says, “Love doesn’t die. Watch.” And then she grabs Beale’s sword and plunges it into Pearl as Pearl gets to learn this Dana lady is real good with a sword. 😋

Again, it’s quite ironic for Pearl to die by Beale’s sword. The sword she swore on and the symbol of the CRM philosophy she so badly wanted to believe in ended up being her demise.

And Rick had it right - he and Michonne really are the sword that kills and gives life. So much so that both Rick and Michonne used this same sword to take out two opponents within a short time span of each other. A couple that slays together stays together, it’s just the truth. 😌

gif cred: @nerd4music

Michonne repeats, “Love doesn’t die” and again I'll admit I wasn't crazy about the dialogue throughout this fight scene. It was a bit heavy-handed and I felt the 'love doesn’t die' sentiment could have perhaps been expressed with more subtlety and subtext but again...we move. Plus, Danai’s such a gifted actress that she makes that line work more than it would in lesser hands. 👌🏽

'Love doesn’t die' is clearly said one; because it’s one of the main messages of the show and two; because they want you to worry for a second if those are famous last words based on what happens next.

Cuz then Rick is swarmed by walkers with seemingly no way out and he has to use a grenade which leads to Michonne just seeing a big explosion.

In a moment that parallels Say Yes, Michonne drops her sword when she thinks she’s seen Rick explode. The moment also parallels Rick's last full TWD episode, as now Michonne has to think she's seen Rick blow up for the second time after he seemingly 'exploded' on that bridge. You just know that tragic bridge memory popped into Michonne's head after hearing the grenade. 😞

gif cred: nerd4music/michonnegrimes

I was thoroughly convinced that they were not going to have either Rick or Michonne die in a show called The Ones Who Live so I was positive Rick survived this explosion. Even tho, for just a split second there I did have to acknowledge this is the final episode and it’s a finale where Rick and Michonne aren’t as untouchable as previous finales so...maybe…but fortunately, the universe loves them some Richonne so Rick survives by covering himself in walker bodies. 

gif cred: @nerd4music

When Rick emerges, he immediately goes to Michonne and she runs to him and they embrace which is heartfelt. Especially because the last time something like this happened and it seemed Rick had blown up, they weren't able to run into each other's arms afterward and instead had to go years without seeing each other again. So you know it means a lot to them to be able to hold each other right now like they so longed to do that day on the bridge.

gif cred: @nerd4music

It's sweet that even amid these circumstances, Rick and Michonne still seek this moment of connection to let each other know they're glad they're okay. And there's big Say Yes vibes with this hug being similar to how they ran into each other's arms and embraced in 7.12, so you know I’m here for it. 🥰

As they make their way out, they stand over a wheezing Pearl and she expresses that she’s come to see that Okafor was right, but she adds, “You just have to hope Beale was wrong.” And then Pearl hands Rick the mask and it’s sorta like a final peace offering between them.

Rick silently takes the mask and then he and Michonne fight their way through walkers and make it to some upper ground. Again, the walkers have some practical use as Michonne uses them as a stepping stool. And it’s sweet seeing Rick urgently pull walkers away who are trying to grab at Michonne. 😊

gif cred: @coolpartytimefan

Rick gets one more signature him-against-the-horde moment as he shoots a bunch of walkers. It made me think about the many iconic Rick vs Everybody moments he's had over the years in TWD.

And, being the resilient man he is, of course, Rick Grimes is the one still standing after all those fights and faceoffs.

So then Rick makes it to the top of the platform as Michonne helps. Once they're finally out of the swarm, Rick and Michonne remove their masks and have a moment as they look at each other and look around at their plan being a success.

I love the little moment of Rick putting his arm around her and then Michonne putting her arm around him. 🥰That’s another thing about Richonne - they’re gonna make any moment a coupley moment. 👌🏽

gif cred: @taiturner

So as they zoom out and we get a shot reminiscent of the end of the TWD pilot ep, I love how in contrast to the pilot - Rick isn’t alone this time. 🥹 He found his other half in this crazy apocalypse and Michonne is by his side through it all. Including taking down the most powerful people in the most powerful military.

gif cred: @ricksmarlene

After looking around, Michonne and Rick start to hop from platform to platform to get up out of there. They did it, y’all. Mission accomplished. 🥳 As always, our beloved Richonne proved that they are...

And now, at long last it was finally time for Richonne to complete their ultimate mission and go home. 😭

And home isn’t just a place. For Rick and Michonne, most of all, home is their children. 👌🏽🥲

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Can we get more wolverine polycule??? Theyre so cute for her

"Way to go, champ," Wade said, kissing your nose. "Knew you could do it, did it feel good?"

"Yeah," you manage, snuggling into the warmth that's offered. Tomorrow you'll be sore. Tomorrow you'll be limping at work and you'll just tell people you tripped on a rug. But that's not a right now problem. Right now you're sleepy and warm, tangled up with two walls of muscle keeping you pinned to the bed.

Behind you, Logan laughed softly and buried his face in your hair, "You did good, Princess. Do you want Ice?"

" 'm okay, Lo," you murmur. But despite your protests, you find yourself laying half ontop of Wade, your head on his shoulder with Logan'warming lotion in his hands.

"Can't have you miserable tomorrow after you fucked us both stupid today," Wade reasoned, stretching lazily as he met Logan's eyes over your head.

They could go again. Few more times. But. They could do that tomorrow while you were at work- it had been... a while since you'd been able to come play with them like this. The pain made you tense and the tension made you think and the thinking only made it worse. The more tense you were, the more painful it was to even have sex. You'd blow them if they wanted, sure but. They liked this. Their girl in their bed. Satisfied and not just sitting on the sidelines.

Logan worked down your back and hips, smirking when you sighed. "That's it, pretty girl," he coaxed. "Took such good care of us-"

"You did most of the work," you point out.

"Soul-sucking blowjobs are work," Wade put in.

"Did so good you shut Wade up. Fucking miracle worker," Logan snorted, popping your backside affectionately.

When you don't answer, from your spot face down on Wade's chest, he pushes hair out of your face and grins, "Out cold," he said.

"Good," Logan rumbled, kissing the back of your neck and pulling a sheet up over you. "Gonna need her beauty sleep." He laid down on your other side and threw his leg over you, effectively pinning both you and Wade in one place- where he'd know if you got up. Where he'd know you were safe.

"Breakfast in the morning?" Wade asked, stretching.

"Sounds good." It was better now. You smelled right. Like them. Tomorrow's problems were tomorrow's problems. Right now, nothing was wrong. The feel of your bodies were imprinted on him properly and it felt right.

_____________

When mottled arms wrapped around him in the shower, Logan hummed, "Where's Y/N?" he asked.

"Showered, dressed, and fucking baby sitting," Wade whined.

"Babysitting?" Logan growled, "What the-"

"For not fucking liking her her sister is really quick to drop off her fuck trophies at the ass crack of dawn," Wade sulked, thudding his head against Logan's back.

Logan growled, "How'd I not hear-"

"She met them downstairs. Kids slept on the couch for a bit while she hosed off all that sweet sweet-"

"So much for breakfast," Logan grunted.

"Yeah. She took them out already. Guess she figured if she fed and walked them they'd be easier to wrangle. Cute kids. Less bitchy than their mom."

Logan snorted. He'd see about that. He also wondered if their parents knew you were fucking BOTH the men you lived with. You tended to avoid telling your family anything you didn't have to.

By the time they were done fucking around, dressed and out of the bedroom, you were back. And in full 'Cool Auntie' mode. Clearly, this might not have been an expected visit, but it didn't take long for Wade and Logan to notice the near hero worship on the faces of the three boys who were sprawled on the furniture and playing with Mary.

"Listen, Homie," you're telling the oldest, "I got you you first date and I have pictures that can ruin your life, don't test me."

"No you don't," he scoffed.

"Oh, oh honey," you laugh, "I took you to your first comic convention dressed as a tiny baby Hulk-"

He visibly paled and you grinned, "I got pictures that can ruin your mama too. So. Try me if you want to but remember. We existed before Life 360."

"Hey, Shush," the middle kid asked, looking up from his phone, "what was it like when dinosaurs roamed the earth?"

Wade snorted when you mimed throwing a plastic cup at him, "I dunno, Peanut, what was it like?"

"Fuck you, Wade."

[fullsunalicia]

gif made by @dojaejung ! all credits to @dojaejung !

roses (m.) | jeong jaehyun

“it’s killing me to know there’s someone else out there buying you / roses, roses” OR where jung jaehyun is pathetic enough to be yearning after his beautiful ex-girlfriend, whom he reconnects with after awkwardly crashing her date with a new potential lover.

jeong jaehyun x ex-girlfriend! reader

warnings: some allusions to stalking and online harassment, some make-outage, oral (fem. receiving), some exhibitionism ig?????, some cussing, jaehyun is EXTREMELY down bad (he who yearns is he who earns amirite yall), svt as side characters for my caratzen agenda, also i’m still an awkward writer (in my opinion) so that warrants its own warning

This is why Jaehyun despises leaving his apartment.

For the first time in weeks, Doyoung and Taeyong, in their combined nerdy best friends power, have managed to make him go outside again. Although it’s the middle of the winter, each day inching closer to Christmas day, the bustling city is filled with people enjoying themselves despite the sub-zero temperatures. It makes him sick, really. Not people in general, for sure, but the sight of couples swarming about, their happy faces making sure every single person’s envious gaze is following them until they disappear around the corner.

Winter is sickening. Winter makes people too cozy, too cuddly, too loving. When spring comes, that love melts away, fleeting as it was. It dims out like the warm fire you stoke in the evening as you gather with your loved ones, in the morning long gone and forgotten with the loss of the guests. Jaehyun hates it. His friends knows he hates it.

So did you.

As Doyoung and Taeyong keep him in their middle, holding on to his arm on each sides as if they were old aunts bickering away, he reminisces about your shared hatred of the cold. You had hated snow, most of all, he remembers as he watches the thick, cold flakes swirl around in the air. It leaves a mist on the people passing by him, painting them in the lovely shades of the cold. Rosy cheeks, white smiling teeth, blue fingertips. If he closes his eyes, he can almost imagine it’s you clinging to him again, complaining loudly about the weather, scared of falling to the ground. You had always been incredibly clumsy, and unashamedly loud. Every passerby could not help but smile at your antics, but none smiled wider than the man you had wrapped around your littlest finger; Jaehyun, who had always stared at you instead of ahead. Jaehyun, who in the end always made you guys fall because he wasn’t concentrating on walking, he was concentrating on you.

You, the single star in his solar system he was orbitting around. He had felt himself collapsing, folding around you, as if he could ingrain himself in your existence in the very same manner you had immortalized yourself in his soul. How pathetic you had left him.

“Hey, earth to Jae! You’re not seriously upset we made you leave the house, right?” Taeyong’s hand forces itself into Jaehyun’s periphery as he waves it infront of Jaehyun’s face, trying to gain the man’s attention. Every finger was perfectly manicured, the tell-tale rings that signified Taeyong snapping Jaehyun out of his daydreams. Mentioned friend looks worried, but not regretful. “We were beginning to think you had fallen asleep in there, like some bear. You shouldn’t hibernate.”

“But bears got it so right. It’s so much better to sleep the winter away.” Jaehyun sounds exhausted, almost childish. He knew he was a grown man, not a teenager mooning over his first love. But it certainly felt like he had become the former. That was your effect.

“Dude.” Doyoung grasps his shoulder then, boring his gaze into Jaehyun’s face. He had been dreading that, actually; it’s hard to act like a complaining child when Doyoung makes you face yourself just like that. Almost unconsciously, Jaehyun straightens up. It’s almost like facing your mother, and he’s trying to avoid Doyoung’s fussing. “It’s been almost a year. I hate to be the one to be saying this, but you have to let it go at some point, man.”

You have to let it go at some point. Doyoung’s right, of course, but Jaehyun hasn’t yet reached that point of being reasonable. It’s not like the five stages of grief. Jaehyun is in the awkward process of trying to understand what has actually happened to him; why your relationship came to an end, why you were so kind to him despite it all, how you had finally cut him off. No one really knows why you did it, least of all Jaehyun. As you had broke it off with him after dropping him off at the airport before he flew to the first stop of his current world tour, there wasn’t exactly time to ask questions.

You had given him a letter and apologized (seriously, so not cool to explain in a letter just so you didn’t need to face him), and just as soon as the flight touched down at his destination and his phone had regained connection to his cellular data, you had changed your number, deleted your socials and disappeared from his life.

(Not like he immediately found you again when you re-debuted on social media. Johnny, as a true best friend, has forced him to limit looking at your instagram account to once a week, but how will Johnny know if he does it more? No one needs to know. Jaehyun would lose face if even anyone knew how much he misses you.)

Jaehyun lowers his eyes then, unable to keep looking at Doyoung. “Let go. Yeah.”

Doyoung and Taeyong exchange a worried gaze at that, before nudging him to a new direction. Their footsteps leave soft white traces, disappearing as quickly as they are made as fresh snow falls. “I got just the thing to cheer you up,” Taeyong quips then, and when he smiles at Jaehyun in an attempt to comfort him, Jaehyun finds the strength to smile back. Those are his friends, after all. If he weren’t so detached from his emotions, he’d find himself moved by their sincerity; his silly friends that loved and cared for him despite his habits and his weird coping methods. They didn’t judge when he sent them new song lyrics he had written in the middle of the night because the memory of you is still haunting him, scaring him off sleep because the comfort he gains from dreaming of you is as addicting as chasing liquor. They had let him ruminate in his apartment for as long as possible. It was time to face the world properly now. “Hot cocoa and waffles?”

Jaehyun snorted. “Like children?”

“Like children,” Taeyoung announces, his voice too earnest for the statement. Doyoung laughs, and then it’s difficult to not join in. Taeyong grins, happy to have drawn that reaction out of them. For the moment, Jaehyun feels normal again, and he offers to buy the waffles as Doyoung and Taeyong line up to buy the hot cocoa.

That’s the same moment where Jaehyun immediately regrets having left the house.

The sight of you physically knocks the breath of his lungs. For just a second, just seeing your face erases the feeling of all the pain that had been wrenching at his heartstrings, your beauty so all-encompassing it stuns him into silence. The cold season has kissed your face in the most pretty way - as you throw your head back in laughter, your (incredibly tempting) lips curve into his favorite smile of yours, the smile that has to be stolen out of you, so surprised by something that you laugh involuntarily. Honest. And earnest.

And beautiful.

It’s almost beautiful enough to make him not acknowledge the other man that you are gifting it to.

Jaehyun forces himself not to look, the effort incredible. He does not want to see who you have replaced him with, he really doesn’t, truly not, but then the dizzy envy makes him look so that he can bombard the man with death threats in his mind. Not that it matters. He could have been anyone, anyone at all. What did it matter if that was someone he knew or someone unknown, when the most damning thing about the situation was that it wasn’t him?

When he looks back at you to keep analyzing whether you like this man a lot, Jaehyun has come to the startled realization that you have noticed him, aswell. Your face has dropped, the shock painted over your face like an ill-fitting mask. “Jaehyun?” you say, the sweet voice carried over to him in the wind, and his knees almost buckle. (Jesus Christ, he’s a grown man.) Your partner notices, looking up to see whom you’re addressing, and Jaehyun’s nonchalant reaction to the irrelevance of the man’s identity disappears instantaneously.

Fuck you, he thinks hard at the dude, as if the sheer mental strength of his thoughts could reach him, for actually looking gorgeous. Fucking hell.

“Jeong Jaehyun?” You call again, robbing him off the opportunity to maybe pretend he hadn’t heard you. He forces himself to move forward.

“You know each other?” the guy asks then, and Jaehyun thinks to himself, No, idiot, I am the stalker that’s been breaking into her apartment and leaving her letters. But then he remembers how Johnny has admonished him for doing the social media equivalent and how often he visits your socials just for a glance at you, and the thought almost immediately sobers him up. “Jeong Jaehyun,” he introduces himself then, reaching out his hand to shake the other man’s, even though he’d rather bite it off. “We were…”

“Acquaintances,” you interrupt him almost immediately. The smile you sport now is nervous, to the untrained eye flawless. But Jaehyun knows every inch of your soul, and the look in your eyes pleads him not to acknowledge it. “Jaehyun used to be really close to my brother. You’ve met my brother, right?”

“Oh, Seokmin, right?” The stranger’s eye glint in recognition. “That means you must be cool, man. Anyone who’s in Seokmin’s good cards is good in mine. My name’s Junseo.”

“Nice to meet you, Junseo,” he makes himself speak, although the words taste like coal in his mouth, turning ashy as he pronounces them. He’s never been a good liar, always careful about choosing his words, but then, he’s never been in the situation where had to meet the lover that was going to replace him in your heart. He turns to you, your lovely face ripping into him. You stare back as if you are aware of the effort it takes him to remain friendly. You don’t look like you enjoy inflicting this havoc upon him, but ever since that day, he doesn’t truly know what you are capable of. “It was nice to see you,” he tells you, turning away as soon as the words leave his lips.

He never hears your “Jae”, the sound ripped out of you like an old instinct.

jaehyun

could you maybe at least warn me that your sister is back in town

dk 😁

yo

i didnt even know she was

can you let her know to bring milk to mom’s house we ran out this morning

jaehyun

. . .

no dk i cannot i almost collapsed when i saw her

can you say hello to your mom tho

Jaehyun drops the phone on the couch, the interaction having soured his mood just as much as the meeting with you. Seokmin was cool, and a really good friend, although a bit clueless. He had been firm in his support for Jaehyun, not picking sides, but not abandoning their friendship either, and had been one of the friends who had dragged him out for dinner once a week ever since the break-up to make sure Jaehyun was actually eating. Jaehyun doesn’t even think this happened to your dismay. You were way too nice, and even your fucking break-up letter had been kind, even though it hadn’t been enough to wipe the blank look in his eyes as he had read it.

“Okay, so that may have went worse than we thought,” Taeyong proclaims, the hot cocoa still steaming in his hand. Even though they had technically paid for the cup as a loan, taking it back home felt like stealing. Jaehyun couldn’t find it in himself to care. He was staring at the ceiling, looking at no one. “But hey, at least we found out who the mystery guy on her instagram was!”

Johnny, who had let himself into the apartment while they were gone, perked up at that. Very aware of your instagram due to Jaehyun’s influence, he knew that there had been an odd silhouette in your instagram story the past few weeks, almost a soft-launch and almost not. There had been theories whether the mystery guy had been a new lover. Jaehyun had almost thrown up when Mark had suggested the idea. “You did? She was with a man?”

“Yeah, Junseo what’s-his-name. Didn’t give a last name, though.” Doyoung sounds concentrated, probably too focussed on not breaking Jaehyun’s new coffee machine. “Jaehyun, coffee?”

“No,” Jaehyun deadpans. “I want death.”

The entire room groans at that. “Fresh out of death, dude,” Johnny tells him, bowing over the couch to throw a blanket over where Jaehyun was laying and Mark had fallen asleep. Johnny was his best friend in the entire world, and very used to Jaehyun’s antics. Throughout it all(the acclimatization to the celebrity life, the growing into a fully formed and actualized person in the public eye, the stabbing ache of heartbreak), Johnny had become a brother to him. It was Johnny’s hand pulling him along through life, his ears that were entrusted with every joy and worry in Jaehyun’s mind, his kindness that kept Jaehyun standing sometimes. “It’s coffee or nothing,” he continues after ensuring both men on the couch were covered with the blanket. And then, as he turns back to Doyoung: “Make him some coffee. He hasn’t touched his cocoa.”

The quiet bickering of his friends fade away then, forcing him to come to terms with what has happened. Seeing your face again felt like being struck down by God, to put it in blasphemous terms. You had always been the most beautiful person to him, including both his preference that came from loving you and his attraction to people in general. Jaehyun hadn’t been the kind of man to have an exact type before meeting you, but now he looks for you in every smile, every fluttering lash, in every face he meets. Looking for the traces of where your ancestors had painted their magic, the overarching connection between several generations, the hand reaching across time. Whoever crafted you had taken his time to ensure every single detail, and the love that had flowed into the shaping of you glinted across every feature. Having been starved of seeing you, this interaction had thrown him into cold water face first. Even the memory stung.

You hadn’t looked bothered to see him. If anything, you had been as sweet as always, even though you hadn’t expected to see him. He had thought being gone from your side had hurt, but seeing that Junseo was making him sick to the stomach. It was his job to make you laugh like that. It was his duty to ensure your happiness. To think of that fool doing it in his stead made him spark up with a fury that he had long forgotten, the feeling so unfamiliar it made him reach inside those spaces inside himself that he had abandoned for so long. During the separation every emotion had come to him so dull and muted - happiness, sadness, surprise, anger. But as if they had never left him, Jaehyun recognized that he was jealous.

Awfully jealous.

So that was the next step of Jaehyun’s alternative five stages of grief process. Instead of coming to terms with the ephemeral nature of his relationship with you, he’s pining over the one woman he cannot have. He raises his hands to cover his face, his fingers shaking - it’s crazy, how you unravel him. It’s been eight months and Jaehyun is still willing to go on his knees to beg just to make sure you stop seeing anyone else.

(At that point, he was very unaware of how near in the future that was going to happen.)

“Hey, dude.” Jaehyun is snapped out of his thoughts by the raspy voice of one Mark Lee. He lowers his hands to see Mark peaking his head out of the blanket, hair completely ruined from tossing and turning in his sleep, looking just like the lion that his friends affectionately nickname him as. Their friends are still bickering in the kitchen, arguing about how to handle the coffee machine properly, with Doyoung’s voice cutting through the others. “You alright over there?”

Jaehyun clears his voice. He suddenly feels glad that Mark doesn’t know yet that he’s seen you, as he doesn’t want to burden Mark with his worries. He’s only a little younger, but he’s the closest thing to a younger sibling Jaehyun has, and he treasures him to the point where he often wants to shield him from the shit that Jaehyun has going on. “Yeah, all good. Why did you wake up? Not sleepy anymore?”

“Your phone has been going off like crazy.” Mark points at the aforementioned phone before yawning. As Jaehyun reaches for the device, he sits up and looks into the kitchen from the vantage point he has of the kitchen. The screen lights up after a few quick taps, and Mark asks: “Something important? Sounds like someone’s spamming you.”

dk 😁

not to be the bearer of bad news but mom wants to have you over for dinner on saturday

😭 maybe i shouldnt have delivered your greetings bro

i think my sister has a date on that evening tho so maybe nothing will happen?????

i mean you can say no but you know damn well my mom loves you (because you kiss up to her) so

yeah

i get if you dont want to

Jaehyun blinks. Several times. Then, he drops his face into his hands again, sighing so loudly that even Mark seems astonished.

It seems like you’re not gonna leave his mind anytime soon.

The first time Jaehyun had met you, you had still been a junior in college.

He’s always known you existed, of course - the pretty-faced little sister that was off-limits to anyone, who had the most embarrassing haircut when she was still in middle school, who liked to receive flowers for her birthday instead of gifts. Seokmin doesn’t talk about you often, but when he does, there’s a gentle smile etched on his face that seems like the most jarring contrast to the way he bickers and fights with you in person. Jaehyun couldn’t conjure an image of you, but when he thought of your name, it filled Jaehyun’s mind with a sweet dream. He had been missing you in his heart before he had even met you, the soft tug of a red string around his littlest finger.

The request had been hastily asked and innocent in nature. Pick up my sister, please? An unusual request, as Seokmin never introduced his sister to anyone for your own privacy, but it didn’t bother Jaehyun to do it, especially since DK was a very good friend. You had been incredibly drunk, and uncomfortable at a party, and called for the person you trust most in the world. DK on the other hand, drunk out of his own mind at an entirely different party in his own dorm shared with his bandmates, had called a friend he knew he could entrust with the safety of his littlest sister.

Completely hammered and wobbling on your entirely too high heels, you had gladly clung to Jaehyun’s arm after realizing he had been the savior your brother had sent you. Your introduction came out loud and clear, and you had enunciated every syllable to make sure he heard it. When he correctly repeated the name back to you to ensure he remembered it, a dazzling smile had split across your lips in the cutest way possible. It had made his heart jump in a deliciously agonizing way.

“Can you walk?” he had asked you then, pointing down at your monstrous heels. He had truth be told been incredibly impressed with the way you had managed to leave the front porch of the party house, even though every step enunciated that you were incredibly intoxicated. You had waved off his worry and beamed at him with the innocent happiness only a drunk person could exude, completely free from all wordly burdens. “Don’t worry!” you told him, your voice as melodious as it was pleasing. “I’ve walked in worse heels! And I’m not even that drunk!”

Jaehyun had no intention of questioning you, but the exclamation did make him laugh. He had been awkward about the interaction the entire time he had driven here. Would you be able to even feel comfortable with him? What if you guys didn’t speak about anything? But your behavior had loosened up the tension inside his chest, and he found himself relaxing under your hold, gently guiding you back to his car. Your grip was tight, but not painful, and you had hooked your arm around his to keep close to him in a way that wasn’t entirely unwelcome to him. He had not expected to warm up to you so quickly. “So you’re able to hold your liquor? You must not actually be related to DK then. The guy can’t hold his liquor for shit.”

The joke tugged a surprised laugh out of you. It was a nice sound, the genuineness of it making a smile form around Jaehyun’s lips. So open, so friendly, so extroverted - so incredibly different from him, and yet a simple laugh from you made Jaehyun entranced with the existence of you. He wanted to relish the sound, making him wrap his fingers around the keys in his pockets to ensure they wouldn’t rattle when he pulled them out. “I’m sure he’s got that from mom,” you had explained to him while snickering, momentarily letting go from him as he opened the door for you. After clambering in and pulling the door shut, he had walked around the car to climb in himself. The door clicked shut. “I’m my father’s daughter through and through. We used to place bets at New Year’s parties with the family how much time it would take for mom to crash out after a single bottle of champagne.”

“And?” he asks. The engine of the car sprung to life with a simple press of a button, idling quietly while Jaehyun had put on his seatbelt. “Did you win the bet?”

Your expression in the rearview mirror was smug when Jaehyun checked his surroundings in it, pulling out of the parking space he had found near the house the party was in. “I was fifty bucks richer about half an hour later.”

Jaehyun couldn’t help but laugh - at your behavior, your teasing little remarks, the way you hiccuped before laughing because you were a little liar that couldn’t hold their liquor. By the time he had reached DK’s apartment building, where you had requested to be dropped off because you wanted to sleep over at your brother’s, your drunkenness had made you drowsy. Without even thinking about it, you had climbed over the console to envelop Jaehyun in a hug, shocking him to the core. Your floral perfume had been dizzying, but the near proximity of you had almost made him drunk himself. Jaehyun was an idol under the strict gaze of both his employer and his supporters. His resulting touch-starvation had made him grasp your soft waist with both hands, and he closed his eyes to soak in the warmth of your touch. It was startingly intimate. “Thank you for bringing me home,” you had murmured against his shoulder, momentarily resting your head on it, as if it belonged there - as if you had been made to be held by him. You lined up perfectly, like puzzle pieces, and for a moment, Jaehyun had felt complete in a way that made him question himself was my heart always hollow of you?

When you pulled back with your bright smile and your hazy eyes, a pink blush had dusted across Jaehyun’s cheeks that he prayed you hadn’t noticed. “You’re super duper nice,” you proclaimed then, not fully retracting from where you were leaning on his body. Not pushing his hands away, either. “And it’s way more fun to ride in your car than in Jeonghan’s. You drive like a responsible adult.”

“Are you saying Jeonghan doesn’t drive like a responsible adult?”

“I’m not sure he knows what that is.” Giggling, you untangled yourself from him, startling Jaehyun with the immediate ache for you. Get a grip, he thought to himself. Acting like a teenage virgin. “And I should know!” you enunciated. “The idiot tried teaching me how to drive. If DK hadn’t put an end to that, I would have never gotten my driver’s license.”

Jaehyun, still reeling from the affection you had graced him with, smiled shyly at that. “Well, I’m glad to have brought you home safe, like the responsible adult I am. Can you make it up on your own?”

You “mhm”ed loudly, noisily maneuvring yourself out of the car. Jaehyun winced quietly when the heels of your shoes clacked against the pavement harshly, almost sure one had broken. But you had straightened up with a grin, waving stupidly, shouting loud “thank-you”s and “get home safe!”s as he watched you walk into the apartment complex, running into your drunk brother and almost-brothers (as his bandmates liked to title themselves as, loving you like you were one of their own).

He had sat and waited for a long time for his erratic heart to slow down again. You were a miracle he hadn’t been waiting for, like a sudden blessing after a fervent prayer. He went to sleep thinking of your name, finally being able to connect it with a face, the yearning following him into his dreams.

It was that same yearning that woke him up in the middle of the night now, reaching for the empty bedside, remembering where you were.

Remembering that you weren’t reaching for him anymore, no matter how much you had loved him.

Jaehyun cleans up nicely, when he wants to. When he checks his reflection in the camera app one last time before ringing the door, he almost doesn’t recognize himself. Johnny’s girlfriend had helped him put on a little bit of make-up to cover the black shadows under his eyes and wished him luck, although he wasn’t sure what he needed the luck for. To see you? Not to see you? The question had been eating away at him on the way here, making his hands sweat to the point that the driver’s wheel had looked kind of disgusting afterwards. He can’t shake the cold fear that accompanies the thought of you these days. The desire to be in your presence was a knife turning in his guts, so sharp that even the pain seemed more welcome than another day without you. As he closes his eyes, he imagines you opening the door, welcoming him home, kissing all the exhaustion away. But when the door opens up after knocking at it, the sweet face of your mother receives him.

Not that the sight isn’t welcome. Jaehyun sees his mother often enough to not have to miss her, but the need for a motherly presence never truly leaves you, no matter how old you are. There is a part of him that will always be a child, reaching for his parents’ hands, knowing he will be safe there. Your mother fills that space often when his own cannot. “Jaehyunnie! I’m glad you made it, sweetling,” your mother gushes, hurrying to clasp his hands. The sight of her red, marred hands makes his heart hurt - has she been overworking herself? - but the pain is soon replaced with a gentle warmth spreading inside his chest at her motherly clucking. “Hurry inside, we made your favorite! You still like spicy pork, right?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He removes his shoes before stepping inside, feeling nostalgic. The first time he had met your parents, the house had been newly bought and hardly acquired, with your parents having haggled for an appropriate price for months. Over the years, the building had been renovated, filled with furniture, and changed as more and more memories had been made in this place. To see it now standing proudly and lived in made him happy, but also sad, as he wasn’t fully part of that experience anymore.

“Don’t be silly, boy! You know you call me mom here!”

“Yes, mom.”

“Mom,” rings out the complaining voice of Seokmin then. He’s standing at the foot of the stairs. His voice had been petulant, but there’s a very big grin on his face as Jaehyun approaches him in greeting, and they hug each other without hesitation. DK had seen him go through enough shit to not have to shy back from physical affection. “Don’t nag with Jaehyun before he’s properly inside. How’s it going, J? I heard your new album, it was awesome!”

Your mother nods enthusiastically. “You are hard-working as always, Jaehyunnie! The songs sound beautiful!”

Jaehyun laughs, bashful. He feels awkward and happy at once, to be complimented upon for his talents while simultaneously knowing that most of those songs had been written with you in mind. “Thank you for saying that,” he answers.

“It’s only right,” your mother tuts then. As she turns to walk back in the kitchen, she opens her mouth to say something again, but there’s another knock at the door, startling them all. The three exchange glances, both Seokmin and your mother seeming surprised by the noise. “Are you expecting someone, Seokminnie?” When DK shakes his head no in answer, she walks back to the door, humming to herself in confusion. “Maybe your father? But he’s not supposed to get off work until 8.”

Before your mother even opens the door, the dread of who could possibly be standing in front of that door tells Jaehyun what to expect. And as he turns over that assumption in that mind, the door opens to reveal you, clad in a red dress that hugs your curves and exposes your mid-thigh. “Oh, sweetie!” your mother exclaims. “But what are you doing here? Aren’t you going to dinner with that Junseo-ssi?”

You don’t answer, your eyes locked onto him. He recognizes the sight of slight panic and confusion in your eyes - apparently, DK hadn’t told you that you were visiting in the hopes that you wouldn’t see each other anyways. Although barely a second passes, it feels like eternity as you take each other in.

Fuck, you’re as beautiful as the day he lost you. He doesn’t even register that your mother is still chattering away as he drinks in the sight of you, the sinful silhouette and the angel eyes that have been accentuated by a skilled hand and your favorite eyeliner pen. The blood rushes in his veins, filling his ears with the sound of waves crashing, his desire lapping higher and higher until it makes his chest hurt. “Mom,” you manage to say. “He was called into work at the last minute. It’s pretty awkward to be the only one all dolled up here, so may I go up and change please? And not have to make awkward small talk in the salon?”

“Of course, sweetling, just go up! Seokmin will help me with the last preparations for dinner.” Your mother leaves at that, and the three adults remaining are crushed by the awkward tension in the room. Even more awkward for the third wheel in the room is that neither of both you and Jaehyun have looked away from each other ever since you walked in, and DK takes the chance to quietly slip out of the room to join his mother in the kitchen, leaving Jaehyun to his doom.

(Traitor.)

Jaehyun breathes out, struggling to fill his lungs with the air he needs. “You look stunning,” he says, his voice straining to pronounce the words. It’s pathetic how much he wants to press you against that wall and devour you. Even though his inner adult yells at him that he isn’t yours anymore, the thoughts do not stop coming. Truthfully, there can’t be any scientific explanation for how fast his heart races because of you, but it keeps on beating, jumping out of his chest. Falling to your feet.

You finally step out of the doorframe, into the house itself. The door quietly falls into the lock. You reach down to unclasp your high heels, the movement mechanic. You seem as dazed as he is. He entertains the possibility whether he has the same effect on you as you do on him, but he casts the thought aside immediately. You had left him, after all. “Thank you,” you answer, your voice meek. As if you were to strangers. “Are you … doing well?”

I hope that despite the way I’m ending things, you will be well. I pray that you are healthy, that you are eating enough, that you flourish in your career as you deserve to be. You are outstanding, Jeong Jaehyun, a flaming star lighting up the sky. I pray that you find it in yourself to forgive me.

“Well?” he echoes, as if that word was a joke. And then, almost in disbelief, he asks back, “Are you?”

You lower your gaze then. “I finish my master’s degree this year, so I’m a little stressed. But aside from that, I am fine, thank you for asking.” You straighten up, intending to walk past him. But Jaehyun, as if possessed, grabs your wrist; the touch makes both of you shudder, and you look up to see the absolute yearning in his eyes staring back at you. He doesn’t really know what made him do it, and he seems as shocked as you are; he had been thinking more quickly than he had been moving, and his muscles spasmed from the lack of communication between his nerves and his brain.

It’s written across his face, it must be. The intense wish to bow his head and lean against you, cage you against the railing of the stairs. To make you reach inside his soul and connect the broken pieces there that were the remaining shards of his heart. Jaehyun doesn’t want anyone else in the world to see inside him like that. He wants you, he wants to be your boyfriend. Despite it all. The good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. Are you well? Jaehyun’s hand slips lower, interlocking your fingers, the physical connection there setting fire to the skin. I pray that you are. “Take care of yourself,” he tells you instead of all the words that have been left unsaid ever since you abandoned him, all the tears that he has shed. He wants to tell you how his pride for your success makes him fly higher than any of his own achievements ever would, how soft his heart feels at the fact that you are so close to reaching your goals. How much he wishes to be a part of supporting you towards that. But he doesn’t.

You don’t break free of his hold, but it seems clear that you do not reciprocate the hurricane of emotions he is feeling right now. “You shouldn’t say that,” you tell him, tone polite, but your voice sounds hesitant. He wants to kiss the hesitation out of you, eat your laughter as he tugs at your lower lip. The proximity is driving him crazy. “I mean, I don’t wanna be rude. But I am seeing Junseo. You don’t have to worry about me, Jae. Jaehyun.” You cough awkwardly, as if that can erase the affectionate nickname, as if there isn’t something inside you still calling for him. You step backwards. If hitting the railing is embarrassing to you, you don’t let it show.

He lets go of you and steps back, then silently watches you go up the stairs. Your soft shuffling as you walk back to your room. The decisive shutting of a door.

Silently dreaming of what would happen if you graced him with your attention again.

The dinner itself is uneventful. You make polite conversation, thankfully sitting diagonally away from him, wedged in between your mother and your brother, whom Jaehyun sits across. But he sees the blush never truly leaving your face, and the way you throw glances at him when you think he isn’t paying attention. It makes him delusional enough to imagine that maybe, he wasn’t the only one still thinking about their ex.

Jaehyun glances down at his cleared plate, a half smile curling at his lips. Not truly a real smile. But not truly a lie, either.

@leey/n has started following you on Instagram!

@leey/n has liked a post!

The third time your paths cross, you truly think you are about to go crazy.

This is an art gallery, for crying out loud. You don’t think you’ve ever seen Jaehyun in a museum. Not that he’s uneducated or disinterested, mind you, but Jaehyun was the kind of guy to take you to places where you could etch your own memories across the place. The arcade in Busan where you won your first ever plushie and promptly gifted it to him, for one; the trip to Jeju where you had almost fainted and scared the shit out of Jaehyun; the high-end restaurant in Gangnam where you both can never let your face be seen again after having been thrown out for laughing too loud. You had spoken about the particular art gallery here once, debating about attending an event that was held in that month, but ultimately had the decision taken out of your hands after you unexpectedly had to go the hospital due to your appendix bursting. But here he was, looking like the most ravishing man alive in that stupid suit.

It should be forbidden to look that good. Genuinely. You think your heart stops momentarily when you see him, and then again when your gaze involuntarily drops to the exposed skin of his chest, displaying the vulnerable area due to the v-cut of his suit jacket. Hell. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was doing this on purpose.

You gather up the train of your dress and hurry over before anyone can recognize either him or you. He looks startled, and then that weird flash of desperation flits across his eyes before he hastily makes himself appear composed. You don’t for the life of you know why exactly his reaction to you is like that, but you suppose the time for complaining was over, since, you know, you broke up with him. You knew it had been a bitch move to write a letter, but you couldn’t exactly tell him the true reason to his face. Hey, I know this sounds stupid, but I’m afraid of ruining your career because netizens keep shit talking our relationship and tainting your reputation, have a nice day though!

No, he’d never understand. This was for the best. He’d been so close to completing his album, so proud of what he had achieved, and the grief of almost taking that away from him made you want to throw up. So you had decided to sacrifice yourself, in an as cowardly manner as possible.

No one would ever know that Jeong Jaehyun made your soul sing in the most exquisite way possible, and that your heart had been filled with so much joy that it almost burst. No one needed to know.

“What are you doing here?” You hiss at him. You turn your head to ensure that no one is actually looking, before tugging him to the side. Almost unconsciously, you take his hand and guide him to a different spot, a quiet corner where only strangers were staring at the art being displayed. Even the music was muted.

“Is this not a public event?” he hisses back, confused by your behavior. But he lets you do as you please, even lowering his head to yours to make sure no one hears. His fingers gently tangle with yours, swiping across your knuckles as he always does - did. It’s like your love runs deeper than human behavior, deeply embedded in your body’s instincts. You see it in the way the caution you display reflects back in his eyes, as if your secrets are still holier to him than his own. Even though he has no idea why you’re being so ominous. It’s one of the qualities you love most about Jaehyun; he never once tries to tell you what to do, always acquiescing your needs, letting you take the lead when necessary. It makes a traitorous happiness bloom inside your chest that he is still the kind of person who would always have your back. “Why exactly wouldn’t I be here? If it’s because you didn’t want to see my face, don’t tell me that. I don’t think I could handle it.”

“Jeong Jaehyun,” you groan, exasperated as you are. You hastily scan the area, always dreading that Junseo is about to turn the corner to catch you both. It had already been a surprise that evening had been made possible, since Junseo was a workaholic. Your friends joked around that he loves his residency at Seoul General Hospital first, and you second. You did not want to squander this opportunity of growing closer to him, a whim based on the fact that he was a pretty face and you desperately needed to move on. You weren’t serious, and you could count the amount of dates you had been on on one hand, but it worked its magic enough. Jaehyun only needed to believe that you were moving on. And Junseo only needed to believe Jaehyun was unimportant. Not like it’s forbidden to speak with an “acquaintance”, even if he did see you both here - but Jeong Jaehyun wasn’t an acquaintance, he was your ex-boyfriend for crying out loud, and if it weren’t for the necessary masquerade to appear as if you were moving on, you wouldn’t even be entertaining Junseo’s presence, no matter how charming he was. It was a stupid plan, concocted by an even more stupid Jeonghan. “Who would’t want to see your face? That’s not what I mean.”

The compliment slips out before you can hold it back. It’s so easy, so habitual to make it, to admire Jeong Jaehyun’s existence. You had never even met a man like him. He was sin made flesh, with his well-formed, strong body, the gorgeous face, the sun-kissed hair that switched colors from comeback to comeback. Jaehyun looks surprised to hear it. The dimples in his cheeks signal the smile that stretches across his lips, sweet and genuine and startled. It makes you sad, that he doesn’t expect those compliments; he is the kindest, sincerest, most attentive man you know.

(And if you were still in a relationship, you would have torn the clothes off of him and jumped him for looking that good in a suit. Not want to see his face my ass - you could stare at Jeong Jaehyun all day.)

“I thought we weren’t supposed to say stuff like that,” he says back, his voice low. It sounds deliciously rough, the way it sometimes sounded when you woke him from his sleep to kiss him, the sleepy yawns turning into soft moans when you rode him, his hands mapping out the space of your skin. You shake your head, as if you can shake off the memory. Your adoration for him went bone-deep. “Whatever,” you say hastily, as if that can erase the obvious pining you are displaying. “I mean, I don’t want Junseo to see us. I know you don’t like to lie, and I’m sorry for introducing you as an acquaintance, but I’d like it to remain that way. For him to believe there was nothing between us, I mean.”

“And is there?” Jaehyun’s voice sounds steady. It kills you to see the hope in his eyes, even now, even after you’ve hurt him after flaunting a new relationship. You remember his beautiful face on that day at the Christmas market, where the agony in his eyes had almost made you weep. You never ever wanted to be responsible for Jaehyun’s grief, not even now. “Nothing between us?”

You falter then, forgetting what you want to say. You can’t tell him the truth, you cannot - the truth being that when you look into Jaehyun’s eyes, your knees go weak and your hands yearn to claw at him and your kisses want to devour him whole, bones and all. You want to crawl inside him and live there forever, like the insane lover you are. You want to kiss him until you forget your own name, until the mornings become routine where you wake up next to him, where the sight of his beautiful face becomes the first thing you see after waking up for the rest of your life. The wish is so fervent it catches you off-guard, and it weakens your resolve. “There’s nothing, Jaehyun,” you say. Even you can hear the uncertainty. The atmosphere is so tense that you didn’t even notice the room has cleared out; the area is curtained off, a special exhibition inside the actual exhibition, for a yet-to-be-discovered artist who gained the space to present their art through chance. The few people who had mingled here had quietly left, identifying the situation as a lover’s spat. Anyone could walk in. Anyone. The realization makes your heart skip a beat. “You understand that, don’t you?”

Your words make sense, yet your actions don’t. You unconsciously inch closer to him. You shouldn’t, you shouldn’t, you shouldn’t. “You’re confusing me,” Jaehyun responds, sounding frustrated, but when his hands find your waist, his touch is careful. Gentle. Like a collector in awe of the precious rare item he has found. “I thought you hated my guts. You know, that’s the kind of interpretation a break-up letter entails.”

“Jaehyun,” you whisper. You want to rip his hands off, leave him here to come to terms with the realization that this relationship is over. It had been such a difficult situation, and so painful; to rip the band-aid off in the manner that you did. You hadn’t even told Jeonghan about the reason you broke it off, so afraid of the consequences, yet more afraid of the repercussions of your relationship to Jaehyun’s career. You needed to tell him off now, before you do something you would regret. You do none of these things, however. You let Jeong Jaehyun cradle your face in the middle of the gallery as if nothing has changed and the two of you are eternal and you have never been apart. Something inside of you reaches for his soul, across the gaping abyss that forced mythological Orpheus and Eurydice apart. You let him bring your face close enough that he can press his cheek against yours, mimicking Gustav Klimt’s The Kiss hanging in the hall outside. A sweet irony. It had always been your favorite painting, and you know there was a copy of it hanging in Jaehyun’s living room, bought by you for an anniversary long past. His lips trace the lines of your cheekbones, feeding the selfish ache inside you that is always desperate for Jaehyun. “It doesn’t matter. I’m with a different man.”

The answer makes Jaehyun draw in a sharp breath, but his ministrations continue on; as if his love for you was an instinct he was chasing after unconsciously. His lips trail a burning path across your face, his fingers curling at your nape. Lulling you in. Entrancing you. “At the risk of sounding like an asshole - I don’t care,” he murmurs against your skin, the words reverberating in your blood. “I would give anything for being able to touch you like this. Even if this is the last time.”

You screw your eyes shut. Even if this is the last time. Almost mechanically, you raise your arms to draw him against you, your bodies lining up perfectly; you had always secretly enjoyed how well you guys fit together. A perfect match. When you had dropped him off at that airport, you had been robbed of truly saying goodbye to him. Coming home late, almost oversleeping and missing his flight, riding in separate cars because the staff had piled into the seats of which at least one should have been reserved for you. You couldn’t even kiss him goodbye - you had let go of Jaehyun with a heavy heart, a mind full of anxieties turning over all the threats you had received not only digitally, but now even physically, and with a mouth full of lies. This is the last time. You look up at the same time as Jaehyun decides to throw all caution against the wind, bowing his head to inch closer. “Let me kiss you, please,” he whispers, the desperation in his voice so heady it makes you feel drunk. “May I kiss you?”

You draw in a sharp, shuddering breath, and murmur your assent. As if this had been a decision and not a stabbing, sharp need below your chest. “Yes. Yes, Jaehyun.”

Your lips meet his halfway, although meet is the wrong words. It’s a crash and burn, two stars folding around one another and exploding in a supernova; there is nothing human about the way Jaehyun hungrily devours the surprised gasp you let out. His kiss is all fire and blood and teeth, the messy clacking of two people who had been made to love each other once and then cut apart by fate. Your hastily sucked in breaths keep getting interrupted every time Jaehyun kisses you again, and again, and again. It’s a sweet torture, and a productive one. By the time he has dragged you against a wall you are lightheaded and out of it, your skin prickling with the feeling of Jaehyun mapping out his way. “Oh sweetheart,” he sighs out against your collarbone, his teeth painting markings across your chest. You barely even register him falling to his knees. “I could die tomorrow and be a happy man.”

“What are you doing?” You ask him, dazed. Your hands find his shoulders (has he become even broader? You seriously need to have a talk with Johnny and the gym routine he forces Jaehyun through). Despite your confusion, your body remembers Jaehyun. You barely even think about following his guidance, complying almost immediately when he taps against your waist so that you raise your leg and angle it over his shoulder. The belated realization makes you blush heavily; your addled mind cannot keep up with your body’s compliance. “Jeong Jaehyun! Are you insane?”

You intended to sound fierce and reprimanding, but when you finally look down to meet his gaze, your knees almost buckle. Jaehyun looks like a man starved, his eyes heavy-lidded with desire, the irises blown wide to ensure every detail of you is burned into his recollection. He looks like a worshipper, and his hands move across the supple flesh of your thighs as if in prayer. Blasphemous and heavenly. And incredibly dangerous. You can still hear the loud chatter of the other guests behind the curtain, just across the room. The nervousness makes your veins thrum. “Baby,” he says, sounding genuinely disbelieving. “Do you honestly think I won’t use this chance to taste you one last time? I don’t know what made you tolerate me suddenly, but I am not going to be the idiot that ruins the opportunity. You’ll let me go down on you, won’t you, sweetheart?”

The term of endearment makes you all fuzzy-minded and giddy. “I … yes … But anyone could walk in…” you nervously start, and yet you angle your hips forward so that Jaehyun can tug down your black lace panties, barely noticing that he tucks them inside his suit pockets. “And we’re not supposed to … I mean, I shouldn’t …. Jesus, Jae!”

In the middle of your feeble attempt of climbing back to the moral highground, Jaehyun had positioned himself right at your core; your hands fumble to hold on to his shoulders before he kisses your vulva way too innocently for a man who’s currently going down on you in the middle of a public art gallery. You barely remember to lean back against the wall for support before Jaehyun dives in like you are the last meal he is ever permitted to have on this earth, and he is determined to make it last.

You bite back a cry when Jaehyun finally laps at you, the torturous kitten lick lighting your entire body aflame with want. Although Jaehyun immediately follows it up by generously sucking at the sensitive bundle of nerves, you cast aside all pretense of decorum due to your greed and dig your fingers in his hair to direct him closer, much closer, and Jaehyun moans. The sound is so delicious it makes your veins burn with desire, the physical pain of craving him running almost hotter than your need to be pleasured. Keyword almost. You wanted to come all over his mouth just for that delicious fucking noise, but your stomach was tensing up, the quick arousal accomplished by the serious lack of sex and masturbation that the past few months had been for you. Jaehyun’s hands claw at your knees, climbing to your thighs, forcing your legs wide open to welcome his fingers where he drags them across your all-too-welcoming entrance. “So wet,” he groans against your core, and you whimper at the vibration, bucking against his lips. Even though he loves to run his mouth during sex, he gets it to work anyways. Jaehyun laps up your sweetness as it drips down, his thumb flicking at your sensitive spots until he has you keening and tearing at his hair. “God, sweetheart, look at what a mess you’re making. You’re fucking gorgeous.”

“Jaehyun,” you gasp when he finally dives his tongue into you, the muscle pumping in mock-fashion of what he would love to do to you. The compliments are doing insane things to you and your heart, your poor heart that is going to cling to this moment forever. While Jaehyun’s fingers work their magic, your own begin to spasm, pulling and tearing at him. Submitting to you and your feral hunger he finally adds a finger, his right hand busy with fingering you while his left hands continues to trace circles over your clitoris. The sudden penetration has you remembering that his own digits are way longer than yours, the memory accompanying the sensation of him reaching further and further until he finds the right spot that has you bowing over him with a loud moan. This is what you missed, what you were imagining when you were daydreaming about sex, daydreaming about the godly way Jaehyun pounded you into the mattress. He knows he’s got you now, speeding up his ministrations at every noise you make. You screw your eyes shut with a bone-deep shudder, the sweet tension inside your abdomen pulling tighter and tighter in a familiar tell-tale sign. “Jaehyun, slow down, fuck!”

He’s curling his fingers, eager for your approval, hungry for more noises - through your blurry eyes, you realize he’s watching you through it all, the gaze of a predator. Not once does he look away, continuing his sweet song of praise. “So beautiful,” he coos against your pussy, pressing close so he can speak the words into your skin, your soul. In your state, it almost sounds like Jaehyun is the only thing in your world, and hasn’t it always been? The miracle in your life that you surrendered all your worship to? You lurch forward when he sucks your clit into his mouth, seeing white for a second, the stimulation becoming too much. “Keep looking at me, please. Wanna watch you when you come.”

“I…. can’t!” you manage to babble, realizing you are edging closer to your climax. You’ve never once been this quick, not with anyone but with Jaehyun; the only man in your life that knew every inch of you, the very shape of your soul. Your body is as familiar to him as the back of your hand; more familiar to him than his own self. Jaehyun is too impatient to deal with your arguments, though. “You can,” he hisses against you, dragging his fingers more fervently. Your warm walls tighten around them, hungrily trying to keep them in, to keep going. The sudden clenching around his fingers makes it difficult. “Look at me and cum or you won’t get to cum at all, I swear it.”

That’s all it takes for you to finally let go, almost weeping with the overwhelming pleasure. Your orgasm washes over you almost too violently, forced on by Jaehyun’s overstimulation as he keeps going and going and going, and by the time you push him off your sensitive pussy there are tears falling from your eyes. But you drag him close and kiss him, kiss him so hard you think he’s going to bruise, and Jaehyun lets you; it is much sweeter and patient than the beginning of the altercation, so sweet on your tongue it has you melting against Jaehyun. This is it, that adrenaline you kept chasing; true, painful, but worth it love. You feel too sensitive and too aware and too alight, but you wrap your arms around him all the same, as if you can keep him forever. Your kisses reach inside of him, desperate for connection, heavy with the longing that had accompanied you everywhere ever since you left him. You think you were born to love Jeong Jaehyun, and you kiss him as if you are Eve reaching for the forbidden apple - knowing it’s wrong, wanting it anyway. You want and you want and you want. Your hands are on his soft cheeks, dragging against his shoulders, careless, loving. You love Jeong Jaehyun, love him so much that your very existence is exploding from the inherent triumph that accompanied witnessing him.

You think you would gladly go to hell for tasting divinity on Jaehyun’s lips. You’d rather be a sinner than apart from him for being a saint.

When you finally tear away from him, Jaehyun’s lips are swollen(your heart almost fails at the sheer pleasure that sight gives you). He lets you drag your thumb across the kiss-stained lip, wiping away the lipstick, tracing his jawline. “Such a beautiful face,” you tell him, watching as he preens from the affection. Your heart to yearns to give him more, but you finally force yourself to step away before you die from the overdosis that is Jaehyun. He watches you, completely out of it. “This is the last time,” you remind him. The lie comes so easily now, even though you are trying to memorize his gorgeous face, tattooing it across your mind palace. You will never forget this, no matter what illness or loss comes for you. Not Jeong Jaehyun. “The last time, okay, Jae?”

You place your hand over his heart, and he places his own above it. For a moment, the situation feels eternal. You were in love and you were both idiots, but it was okay because you were handling it together. Because you would face all the challenges together. Because you would work towards a future together. But the spell is broken soon, and you make the first step back, biting your lip at the sadness resurfacing in his eyes. Jaehyun, you think. The only man you’ve ever entrusted your heart with like this.

“Okay,” he finally answers, helpless. He holds on to your hand, though, making the last few steps to follow you before he is forced to let you go. You turn back at the last second before you enter the main hall, just to see if he is looking away, but there he stands, watching you.

His face is forlorn, softened by his quiet sadness, and your heart breaks again. You leave him there before you can do something else you regret.

When Jaehyun had fallen in love you, he knew he was in for some deep shit.

Picking you up had become a natural habit now. You had long since stopped calling your brother and instead resorted to texting Jaehyun first. It felt like an honor, to be entrusted with your care. That you’ve started to know him in a way that makes you rely on him. Picking you up had led to late-night-drives to sober you up, late-night-drives had turned into a shared breakfast the next morning when Jaehyun was worried about you having hangovers, and fussing over you had turn into regular meet-ups because Jaehyun could no longer deny that what he craved was not reassurance of your well-being, but you in person.

He remembered one morning where he had slept over after a particularly nasty crash-out. You had been laughing and weeping incoherently, your friend Karina aiding him with the information that you had failed your exam and drowned yourself in booze. He had texted DK a “FYI, your sister’s puking her guts out in my apartment” after deciding his home was closer than yours and you wouldn’t last long enough to throw up in your own toilet, before he had sat there with you and braided your hair back while you emptied out your entire stomach. The next morning, when he had woken up to you cuddled up to him still on the bathroom floor, he had carried you to his bed, tucked you in and walked into the kitchen to cook hangover soup, something he had mastered by this point due to the amount of times Mark had familiarized himself with that toilet just like you did last night. Having checked his phone, he read your brother’s only response: “LOL. didn’t even realize she left party”

You had wandered in shortly after, sleepy and pale like a ghost. The sound of your footsteps had startled Jaehyun, but his surprise had turned into a sudden happiness at the sight of your eyes lighting up when you saw him. The realization that his presence made you as happy as yours made him was invaluable. He loved the kind of person he was when you guys were together; existing felt like floating, a light cloud of pure contentment.

Even though there hadn’t been a lot of talking, you had both been deeply comfortable. That was the very first time he had kissed you; when you couldn’t stop singing his praises after claiming his soup was too tasty, he had simply leant over and shut you up himself. It was almost funny at how quickly you had dropped that spoon, tugging at his pyjama shirt to pull him closer, damn right pulling him over the counter. Not that he was complaining. He loved the way you made him feel, the way your touch made it feel like there were stars blooming below his skin. It made him feel like the brightest sun in the sky. “Why did you do that?” you had immediately asked when he finally pulled back. Jaehyun had cradled your face, realizing he was holding his entire world in the palm of his hand. “I just suddenly understood that I want to hold your hair back for you for the rest of my life,” he had admitted then, earning himself a slap to the shoulder. But you had laughed, that pure boisterous laugh that sparked with joy, and his heart had pounded in his chest: unable to handle the luck he was experiencing.

The mornings had blurred into days, the days into weeks, finally bleeding into the most happiest months of Jaehyun’s life. He’d never been cautious, but you had certainly made him braver. Sudden shenanigans in public, joking around entirely too loud during important events, having fun everywhere you guys were together. You had made him believe there were no honeymoon phases. Jaehyun woke and rose in the morning, and went to sleep in the dawn obsessed with you. There were rough patches, stressful and grieving periods when your private lives had been rocked particularly hard with a certain event, but he never once stopped adoring you. You were in every waking breath, every racing heartbeat.

Even now, as he wakes the day after your goodbye in the art gallery, he wakes up with the taste of hope in his mouth, of the shape of your heart on the tip of his tongue. He wakes still dreaming, always dreaming of you.

“So what you’re saying,” states Johnny, twirling a biscuit around in his coffee, “is that you had sex with your ex-girlfriend in a public museum, fully knowing she’s dating someone else.”

“Johnny,” comes the muffled response from where Jaehyun hides his face in his hands. It’s too beautiful of a day. It should be raining, to reflect Jaehyun’s mood, to encompass this entirely too awkward feeling of knowing Jaehyun was still in love with his ex. He had spent the entire morning racking his brain for ideas to get rid of the other man, feeling like Lana del Rey in her worst situationships. Jaehyun has reached a very new low, the kind of pathetic that makes him not care that he’s embarrassing himself by still being at your beck-and-call. “It wasn’t sex.”

Johnny waves the retort away. “Oral sex, then. Still sex.” The comment is too loud and earns Johnny some weirded-out looks, but the man looks completely unbothered. He had once watched Johnny talk about different sex positions completely seriously while standing in line for gelato in Little Italy, back when they had visited New York together. Johnny Suh did not know what shame was. “I never even knew you were freaky like that. Little exhibitionist freak. Maybe I underestimated you.”

“Johnny,” Jaehyun deadpanned. “Is this the time to be making jokes? Can we get to the point?”

“What point, dude? You basically went on your knees and asked her to take you back, and she didn’t. I didn’t realize you wanted me to throw salt into the wound.”

Jaehyun lowers his head to the tabletop, resting his too warm face against the metal surface. He doesn’t dare close his eyes, because the image of you is burned into his eyelids. He feels like an addict itching for a quick fix. It had been like this the entire week now. It was one thing to be ghosted by you and forced to move on by the lack of interaction, and another to be making out with you and getting his hopes up despite the fact you told him this was the last time. All it did was make him delusional enough to think he could convince you for it not to be. “She didn’t say no,” he tells Johnny, sounding pitiable even to him. “She just told me this had to be the last time.”

A few seconds pass before Jaehyun finally raises his head due to the lack of answer from his best friend. The look Johnny gives him tells him is answer enough, and Jaehyun pulls a grimace. He hadn’t expected of Johnny to be feeding into his delusions, but there had been some hope. Hope for you to call. Hope for you to come back. Hope for you to still want him.

You hadn’t unfollowed him yet; you hadn’t posted in days; and your brother has kindly snitched to him that you’ve even been blowing off Junseo. He knows you have finals coming up soon, but thinking rationally was something Jaehyun severely lacked at the moment. He had been entertaining the idea that the … meeting, for a lack of better words, in the museum had shaken you up as much as it did him. He kept replaying the memory in his head, the way your plush thighs had trapped him there on his knees, your pretty lips jutted in a pout, the tears falling from your eyes from the way he was making you feel so good … he almost felt himself get hard again, but quickly killed the boner by thinking of something else. “I just wish she’d be more clear,” he sighs out. At the sight of Johnny raising his eyebrows, he clarifies: “I mean that she’s playing hot and cold with me. I’m not stupid enough to not realize she does want to put an end to this. And yet she’s the one that followed me on Instagram, and kissed me, and made me fall all over again for her. I wasn’t doing well before I saw her again, but I was going somewhere.”

“Somewhere,” Johnny repeats, his tone mocking, but then he sets down the biscuit that had come with his coffee. This is what Jaehyun liked about him the most. He considered everything and thought about everything carefully before giving his honest opinion, and even though he sure as hell wasn’t unbiased, he still tried his best to be. “I guess,” Johnny concurs then. “I guess that’s true. I just think there must be a reason to this. I haven’t known her half as long as you do, but we were friends once, and she never once acted as irrationally as she did this past year.”

Jaehyun perked up at that. It was true, at least. In the weeks leading up to your break-up, as well as the months afterwards, you had been acting incredibly off, to the point that even your close ones had been questioning your case. He hadn’t realized how keen Johnny’s observations could be. “So you think she’s going through something that she couldn’t tell me?” he asks, his voice tentative.

Johnny shrugs. “That sounds like the most logical explanation to me. So you either hook up with her again and question her while you’re at it, or you start looking up ways to get rid of Junseo, I guess.” The suggestion makes Johnny’s face light up with excitement. “Dude, I actually always wanted to hire an assassin on the dark web. Do you think we can do that?”

“No, you idiot,” Jaehyun hisses back. But the gears in his head are already turning, chipping away at the past year, at your secret glances and your guilty letter and the sadness in your eyes when you had let him go. He had always thought that even though you had been decisive, you had at least been sad for not being able to love him in the way he deserved to be loved anymore. now he wonders how selfish he has been, and whether he should have been texting his ex all along instead of grieving what was.

Well. Jaehyun thought it couldn’t hurt to try.

Jeonghan sees him before you do.

It’s the way your best friend immediately starts cackling and turns back around to walk back into the library. You halt in your movements, looking at him imploringly. “Your ex, dude,” he tells you, visibly enjoying the way you immediately enter full-panic-mode. “You’re on your own.”

Your panicked “Hannie!” is drowned out by his snickers, and Jeonghan leaves you to your distress to pretend going to the bathroom. You met Jeonghan years ago, and even though he was older than you, you had become such fast friends that DK threatened to beat you guys up for laughing too loud whenever you were over at their dorms. He was your stupid older unnecessary brother that loved you more than anything, but he is also the most brutally honest one out of all of your friends. You do not go to Jeonghan for advice if you aren’t able to handle the truth. He cuts to the chase real quick and will call you out on your bullshit.

It’s also why he immediately told you that your plan wasn’t going to work out. “Let’s not pretend this is the most lovey-dovey you’ve ever been in your life,” Jeonghan had told you with a straight face. You wince at the memory; Jeonghan’s words are able to tear down buildings. “You love-love that man. You’re in deep, deep shit. Whatever it is you don’t want to tell me about, the thing that made you think up this idiotic plan in the first place, it won’t be able to amount to the feelings you have for him.”

Yes, you love-love him; you know just as much, and your heart sings with that knowledge. It pinches and tingles beneath your ribs, calling out a certain name. It rejoices at the sight of Jaehyun out there, in the rain, wearing not even a jacket but instead jeans and a hoodie that looks large even on him, and a bouquet in his hands. But you love him enough not to want to be selfish enough to endanger him.

The messages had blown up your instant message box for weeks then, each threat becoming more explicit. At first, you had resorted to deleting them. They were all the same at their core, anyways, the same hatred being spewed with different names. But then one persistent account had started attaching pictures to their messages, waking you up from the rose-tinted dream that was being in love with Jaehyun. Pictures of him at private events, including the other band members as well, even the youngest ones who were innocent. You hadn’t responded, but the fear had you making hasty plans; setting up everything carefully, writing the letter, while you prepared to leave Jaehyun in the most respectful way you could imagine because that is what you owed him. But then pictures of his own rented studio inside SM building had started popping up, a room you knew no one but Jaehyun and his aides should have access to, one single message with one ominous threat: Leave him or I’ll ruin the both of you. His life’s work being killed will be your fault.

Your lack of answer surely had made them furious.

You didn’t know whether to approach the managers, or even the police. Stalkers weren’t unheard of in the industry, one being caught and sued almost weekly by now, and Jaehyun had cycled through his fair share of them. No one had ever went for you in that way, though. You were certain that this wasn’t a singular threat, certain that this was someone who would pull out all stops to get rid of you. SM Entertainment was more tightly under lock and key than a literal jail. This person knew what they were doing. And so you did what you thought was right, at the cost of your own wellbeing. How much you had sacrificed and cried after distancing yourself from the man you considered your heart.

And yet here he was.

You shake the umbrella open before stepping out of the library, into the rain. In three quick strides, you’ve reached him. You try to convince yourself you’re just eager to be rid of him, but the corners of your lips quirk up way too happily for your brain to believe that. “Is this your equivalent of a boombox outside my window?” you question.

Jaehyun smiles, and it untangles the heavy knot of dread inside of you. The weather is awful, but you feel warm, spreading inside your chest like the soothing effects of medicine. “It kind of is,” he answers. He sounds like he is carefully weighing his words, but his voice is gentle. “I didn’t know which one your window was. And entering the building to go visit you in your apartment seemed creepy to even me.”

You tentatively reach out, brushing your fingers over the roses. They’re a deep red, plush and freshly bloomed. Expensive. Junseo has never even got you a three-dollar-bundle of flowers from the grocery store. “You know, I already have someone who’s giving me flowers,” you tell him, but the threat is empty. Every inch of you is bursting with happiness. Jaehyun is here, even though it’s the middle of the night and the weather is completely awful, just to give you roses.

(You never even make the connection someone must have told him you’re here. (DK was shitting himself for days in fear of you finding out he was the tattletale.)

Jaehyun hands you the bouquet, his hands covering your own as you grasp it. You watch him as he takes the opportunity to step closer to you, never once reprimanding him. His face is open and trusting, and the force of his loving gaze hits you right in the chest. “I know,” he retorts. “And the thought is killing me. It should be me. And so I will. I will keep buying you roses until you ask me to stop, sweetheart, because I don’t mind if you forget about me, but I was made to adore you. I can’t ignore my instincts.”

The confession does funny things to your heart, in a way that makes you beam at him for the first time in months. You haven’t smiled like this in so long, and your cheeks hurt from the lack of practise. Jaehyun, the damn fool; Jaehyun, the hopeless romantic; Jaehyun, the love of your life. “Killing you,” you muse, entertaining him. You are playing with fire, you realize, but you are coming to the understanding that even though you had made a decision for him in a completely unfair manner, because you felt threatened to do so, Jaehyun still chooses you. And he continues to choose you. He has respected your wishes, has kept his distance despite the grief you have caused him, and has only re-entered your life because you allowed him to do so. It was your own self-doubt about being the one for him that had forced your hand and made you not ask him for help about the threats; and despite the fact Jaehyun never understood why, he had still reassured you.

“Do you honestly mean that?” you ask him, even though you know what his answer will be. Even though your heart has always chosen him, this sweet boy who knew just what to say to cheer you up. Who listened when you talked. Who bought you gifts just because you mentioned liking some trinket in passing. Who remembers to kiss you every morning before you leave the house, even if it means dragging himself out of bed at 5am in the morning just to see you off because he knows he won’t see you the entire day. Who leaves little notes around the house for you to find when he is too busy to be with you. Jaehyun, your Jaehyun.

“I will always, always mean it,” he answers in the most earnest way possible. “I’ve been thinking about you all this time. I know how pathetic this sounds, but all this time, I kept envisioning you, and the thought of you kept me going even though I knew you weren’t a part of my life anymore. I like the person you made me become, sweetheart, and the way you have helped me shape my life into something I can be proud of. I just wish I had realized sooner that there was something bothering you - because there is, right?” His fingers gently squeeze yours in encouragement, and your little nod makes him press on. “I’m sorry,” he says, and surprises you. “I’m sorry for being so in love with your good and pure heart and failing to realize that it burdened you, despite how good and pure it was. You were going through something that you couldn’t handle, and I couldn’t see it, and I’m sorry.”

You tug at Jaehyun’s hands. His instantaneous, responding smile makes your heart skip a beat, and he lets you pull him down until you can press your lips to his soft, dimpled cheek. “You’re such a sore loser, Jeong Jaehyun,” you whisper then, but you loosen a hand from the bouquet and place it against his cheek to keep him there. To treasure him. “And such a sweet little idiot. You don’t have to apologize about a single thing to me.” He smells like home, like the only home you’ve ever known. Jaehyun hums, and nods in assent to the insults, and the agreement makes you laugh. You kiss his cheek again, and again, and again, until Jaehyun’s impatience makes him turn his head and kiss you so urgently that your head feels like it’s spinning. “Jaehyun,” you sigh into the kiss, feeling his teeth nip at your lower lip, feeling his hands close around your heart.

You have never felt so safe.

Jaehyun rests his forehead against yours, the pouring rain cascading around you both. “Does that mean I can kill your little boy toy now?” he asks, but you only smack him and smile shyly, your face radiant with adoration for him. “I am going to resolve some things first,” you tell him. “Until then, no murder.”

“And after that?”

“After that,” you say, “I am going to prove that my heart has always belonged to you, Jeong Jaehyun. Even when I made you doubt that.”

(For your information, Jeonghan has recorded that entire interaction and forwarded it to Johnny without context. Johnny had texted him back almost seconds later, asking, Who’s this and how’d you get my number? Hannie’s response, as you discover after he had confessed his betrayal, was I have my ways.)

Jaehyun,

I realize me writing another letter is cruel and ironic, but hear me out, please.

When I wrote my first letter, it was with the selfish intention of at least something of mine remaining with you. By the time you read this, I’ll hopefully have gathered enough evidence to explain my case to you and maybe have the guts to ask you to accompany me to the police, but what I first want to reiterate is: I love you. I love you the point of self-sacrifice. I love you enough that I turned my back on being selfless anyways and selfishly chose you, because you are the most important person in my heart. You will always come first.

When I wrote that letter to break up with you, I imagined a piece of myself embedding itself in the ink so that at least something could remain forever. In my mind, you were never ephemeral: no matter how many times I changed my paths and adjusted my future, it has always included you. I never once imagined building a life for myself that didn’t have you as its brilliant, shining center piece, the light of my life, my Jaehyun. I’ve always been afraid of falling in love head-first, always afraid of loving more than the other, but you have proven me wrong. And I love being proven wrong by you. I love the fact that you fiercely, sincerely, and lovingly pull me back to reality every time. Reality with you is more perfect than anything I could have ever dreamed of.

Since my first letter was supposed to be a goodbye, I want this letter to be proof that I choose to greet the future with you. I want this letter to be proof that I will never need a letter again. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you and telling you about it, and I will reassure you of that always, in the same manner as you have always me reassured me. You told me that my heart was good and pure, but I genuinely believe that I am constantly reflecting back what you give me: your kindness, Jae, your sincerity, your unbelievable humanity.

You are the only man I ever want roses in my life from, and that will never change. :) So if you finish reading this, stop creeping on my Instagram waiting for me to drop the other man and come bring me another bouquet so I can prove to you there has never been another. You are the only one in my heart.

With love,

your sweetheart

[scorching-earth]

Limbus characters as Yuu’s

Spoilers for twisted wonderland, Spoilers for Limbus company. Please Limbus company is a free game. it may also be a gacha game, but it's a very free to play friendly game. 

I’ve only finished part 2 and a bit of part 3 of the game, and watched all the intro videos. so all of the Yuu’s are from canto 3 of the story. So only character development for Gregor and Rodion, a little of Sinclair as well. All of the characters use gender neutral pronouns and have the name Yuu. If anything is from the future canto, it is pure speculation on my part! And I will stress that each sinner is BASED off the office character. So each character may not be the same as the in-game sinners. That's intentional on my part so I can have more fun writing for them.

Trigger warnings: self deprecating thoughts, stalking, self harm, minor body horror, manipulation, family issues, the effects of war, swearing, mentions of criminal records, death.

Yi sang sinner #1:

“...” “I’m not quiet, I just have nothing to say.” “what?” “A mirror bright me here, I’ve finally passed through the window I’ve only watched.”

Yuu is a very quiet person. not because they don't want to talk, they just don't have anything to say. So Yuu mostly listens to what other people say instead. When they do talk it can come as a surprise considering how they talk when they do.

Yuu’s weapon of choice is a dagger. The dagger is a weapon people use in secret. They hide the blade to quickly go in for the killing blow. It shows That Yuu doesn't want to stand out either with its small size. Yuu’s weapon is black in color and has no stand out features on it. Yuu’s weapon wasn't found out for a long time for how easy it was to conceal. 

Yuu’s poetics. When Yuu does talk you can hear them wax poetics, saying some of the most thought provoking sentences possible. Yuu will sometimes just say some flowery language relating to the subject of conversation. After they say something people tend to quiet down since it gets awkward after Yuu says something

Ace and Deuce’s relationship: the two drag Yuu around. Ace tried to pull Yuu into all sorts of trouble with him. All in attempts to get Yuu to do something other than sit around, and think the whole day. Deuce tried to keep Yuu out of the trouble Ace pulled them into. So it's a consistent tug of war situation with Yuu being in all sorts of trouble to them being in none. 

Favorite students: Ace, Deuce, Malleus. Ace and Deuce since Yuu does appreciate them being around Yuu. Malleus because it’s fun to listen to him talk about Gargoyles.

Least favorite students: You wax poetics ONCE to ONE person, and now you have a stalker. Yup Yuu’s least favorite student is one Rook hunt. Yuu can often find Rook quickly. When found out Rook will leave to go watch someone else, or the one Yuu hates more. Rook will jump down from his hiding spot, and try to chat up Yuu. Yuu HATES this, why can't Rook just take the hint that Yuu not interested in talking poetics.

Faust sinner #2:

“You're not very smart are you?” “don't worry, Yuu Knows everything.” “all as I predicted.” “I am Yuu and I am the smartest person in this world.” 

Yuu’s had an almost supernatural knowledge. Yuu claims to know all, and has yet to be disproved. Ace even asked Yuu what color his underwear was… Ace still hasn't recovered from the embarrassment of that moment. Yet Yuu’s intelligence is very ignored by everyone after that incident. Since no one else wants to face the same embarrassment if they ask the wrong question

Yuu’s weapon of choice is a Zweihander. A long two handed double edged sword. Yuu’s is special since it has two guards, one of the two is under there first hand and has a skull on it. The other is where you'd expect it under the blade and over the grip. This weapon shows off Yuu’s confidence in their own skills. Yuu also sometimes uses their weapon with one hand. Showing off how strong Yuu actually is. Yuu’s skills with their weapon are top notch, so Yuu isn't just a brain but has brawn to back them up. 

Yuu is very egotistical. Ofton stating that they are “the smartest.” Several students dislike this, counting Yuu as an arrogant prick. These students tend to not know how smart Yuu actually is. Yuu doesn't bother correcting them. Since Yuu is smart enough to know it’s not worth the effort. Still some of Yuu’s own friends do find it annoying sometimes how superior Yuu thinks of themself sometimes. 

Ace and Deuce’s relationship. Mother and their dumbass sons. Yuu pulls Ace and Deuce out of trouble and scolds them. It was humiliating at first, but the two ended up getting used to it. Yuu scolds Ace the most, since Ace gets into a lot of trouble. Deuce gets less scolding from Yuu, not to say he doesn't get any. Since Deuce gets into plenty of trouble by himself. Yet every time one of these two troublemakers get into trouble you know Yuu’s soon to follow.

Favorite students: it would be a shock to many saying Yuu’s favorit students are Sebek Zigvolt, and Lilia Vanrouge. The first of these two shocks are Sebek Zigvolt, why would Sebek associate himself with a Human who’s too full of themself. Well after challenging Yuu to a sword duel, and even with others trying to stop this from happening Yuu accepted. Sebek was confident he would win. Only to be shocked when Yuu had him on the floor after thirty seconds. After that Sebek demanded Yuu teach him. Yuu agreed to Sebek’s request, and the two became friends. Yuu came to value Sebek’s companion ship. As did Zigvolt with Yuu’s friendship

The second Lilia Vanrouge, yes that Lilia Vanrouge. So Yuu is strange, so strange in fact that Lilia had picked up on this all the way back in the entrance carmony. Lilia had kept an eye on Yuu after that, anytime Yuu passed him Lilia’s eyes would just linger on Yuu for a second longer than normal. Yuu knew this, after all Yuu knows all. So Yuu had confronted Lilia about this as early as book 2. Asking If Lilia had any questions for them. Lilia did, and got answers for every single one. All in detail, horrible detail, Lilia had chosen to make Yuu’s stay at Night Raven as enjoyable as possible from that moment onwards.

Least favorite students: Yuu diskles Floyd, he’s hard to be around since he’ll just roll his eyes as Yuu scolds him for any wrong doing he’s done, and will to Yuu’s face complain about how Yuu naggs him too much. That's not stating how he’s just unlikeable to be around. Yuu knows how self serving the students are, yet at least the others have tact. Floyed just throws a tantrum when things don't go his way. These things just make Yuu avoid the second Tweel since he’s just a hassle to deal with.

Don Quixote sinner #3:

“I Don Quixote am a just and noble…. Fixer!” “unjust? Worry not! I, Don Quixote will fix this!” “Someone broke a rule? Worry not, I'll punish them!” “... what do you mean I’m too violent?” 

Yuu wants to be a fixer. Not a knight, a FIXER F I X E R! A fixer is a noble profession (to Yuu). There are champions of justice who help the downtrodden (once more Yuu that's not true).I digress though, Yuu loves talking about fixers. The red mist, the purple drop, the black silence, and the red gaze. All the fixers! Not just the colored ones, the colored ones are the fixers Yuu talks about the most though. Students are sick of Yuu’s ramblings.

Yuu’s weapon of choice is a lance. One that towers over Yuu, it’s a wonder how they hid it for so long. The size is actually nearly twice Yuu’s size. It shows just how strong Yuu really is. Yuu also swings it around with more finesse than expected. Some students wonder what would happen if they used a normal sized weapon. Sebek knows he demanded Yuu use a normal sword for there dule. Sebek’s ego still hasn't recovered. Yuu’s weapon shows confidence, fitness, as well as speed. A lance is a weapon normally used when horseback riding. Knights used it a lot as well.

Yuu’s sense of Justice is skewed. Yuu is a hero of justice for the downtrodden and powerless. Yet Yuu’s sense of right and wrong is all messed up. They Are willing to jump to violence very easily, if not that then straight up murder. Yuu’s “justice” can be manipulated as well. Ace does this a lot, pretending to be powerless sometimes to get Yuu on his side.

Ace and Deuce’s relationship. Ace, as said previously. tends to manipulate Yuu in order to help himself. Ace does care about Yuu, yet recognizes that Yuu is very capable, and can stick up for both of them. Most of the first chapter is Ace realizing how easy it is to manipulate Yuu, and does take advantage of this. Ace will pull back when something he thinks Yuu can't handle whatever Ace got into. So it’s a “I’m the only one allowed to take advantage of Yuu.” situation. Deuce on the other hand pulls Yuu out of trouble. You see, Yuu makes plenty of trouble for themself even without Ace’s help. So the role of responsible one is taken up by Deuce, something totally new to Deuce. Yet this new experience shows him just how much his mother went through raising him, so Deuce is ok with this. It lets him relate a bit more with his mom.

Favorite students: Yuu likes Kalim, his parties are cool and he is super fun to be around. He’s also one of the few students who listen to Yuu talk about fixers without complaining. Making him one of the few students to know how COOL fixers actually are. The only other student who listens to Yuu talk about fixers is Idia! Yuu talks exclusively about Fixers, so Yuu’s world sounds like a shonen anime to Idia. also seeing Yuu fight, Idia is convince Yuu is form a shonen anime.

least favorite student: Riddle WAS the student Yuu hated the most in the beginning for using his power to lord over people, it’s changed after you know Riddle’s character development. Yet I’m sorry to say this, while the two are good friends. And Yuu knows their internal distaste is wrong. Malleus, you can't use your power when something doesn't go your way. Using your power to force what you want on other people is wrong. Malleus has no clue but if he were to use his power, once again (see chapter 7) to force his ideas on another less powerful person. Yuu would be the first to stand up to him.

Ryōshū sinner #4

“What is it now?” “*sigh* stop bothering me OIWKY.” “You're all pathetic to look at.” “geez you do you really need me to do everything for you?”

Yuu is an ungovernable person. You can't tell Yuu to not beat that guy up. It’s like asking a fish to start breathing air. It can't happen. The only reason why Yuu isn't sitting on a mountain of corpses is because they dont kill kids. It doesn't stop them from threatening it, when bothered too much. Crowley walks on a tightrope every time the two talk, and Crowley walks it like he’s in the circus. Ace and Deuce are the only two people who KNOW that Yuu isn't joking. After all they were there when Yuu killed the blot monster. 

Yuu’s weapon of choice is an ōdachi. It’s a long sword that was used by strong samurai. It can be a work of art in the hands of the right swordsman. Yuu is one such person who wields the ōdachi with such grace. It’s almost mesmerizing to watch. So Yuu’s weapon fits Yuu perfectly since it falls in line with what they think is art.

Yuu speaks in abbreviations. Something several other students do, except for Yuu it isn't something as silly as social media that started this… if you were to ask Yuu about it they would in all honesty tell you to screw off. they just do, and only a few students understand what they are saying. So better go ask them to translate for you then get your head cut off

Ace and Deuce’s relationship. Terrified children trying to keep Yuu from killing someone. Ace and deuce have to hold Yuu back. Ace wonders how Yuu become so murderous like how does someone see death as an artform in the first place? Deuce sees his time as a delinquent in a different light now. Because at least he wasn't KILLING PEOPLE. Deuce can look fondly at his past memories. See that he had friends and a community around him. since you know it took an actual murderer to show him that while he was flawed at least he was human, and not killing people.

Favorite student: Yuu thinks it nice to have Cater around, since Cater translates Yuu’s abbreviations for them. “Yuu please don't kill us sorry for bothering you!” Yuu loves messing with Cater. Sometimes killing his clones since there the closest thing Yuu can kill to human, Yuu makes sure to ask if a clone is a clone. Reminder Yuu doesn't want to kill the real Cater, but killing his clones is just fine. Cater is everything Yuu need in this soft mushy world to keep their skills sharp. Cater has taken up the practice of sword fighting as well, to try and define himself from Yuu. Yuu sees cater as the only positive in this school, and cater sees Yuu as a horror movie monster.

least favorite students: Yuu hates a lot of students. Rook is creepy and Vil is too self centerd for Yuu’s liking. Leona requires Yuu to threaten his life before doing anything for Yuu, since Leona is an adult he is on thin ice just like Crowley! Idia why don't you come out of your room? Is it because of the scary sword person? Well all they want is to get to know you, yet you turn them down every time they ask. Lillia is no fun, always serious and keeping an eye on Yuu. the look on his face when Yuu told him about how they’ve already died was priceless though.

Meursault sinner #5

“It's not mine.” “Do you have business with me?” “I have no orders to help you.” “I don't understand why you're so mad at me.”

Yuu is emotionally distant. Yuu doesn't express feelings well. They rarely ever talk about themself or talk to others. Yuu doesn't understand other people's feelings either. It makes Yuu a bit socially isolated since they don't talk unless spoken to. Ace and Deuce have to introduce Yuu everytime the two have started to make a game out of it. Whoever can give the better introduction will talk for yuu. Right Yuu doesn't talk unless they are told to talk. 

Yuu’s weapon of choice is a pair of gauntlets. Gauntlets show strength and confidence in one’s own ability to fight in hand to hand combat. Yuu themself is well built and is extremely strong. It also shows how Yuu is willing to take things into their own hands when ordered to. Being in the frontlines shows how Yuu is someone who is willing to protect people. 

Yuu doesn't do anything there not ordered to. Since Crowley had employed Yuu in the prologue. Crowley actually never stopped paying Yuu, since it means that Yuu is willing to do almost anything Crowley asks them. So for every book Yuu was very willing to do all the things Crowley asked him to. Meaning that book 4 almost never happened. If it wasn't for Jamil’s magic Yuu would have never even cooked with the students of scarabia dorm. This also means that Yuu doesn't engage with conversion unless told to by Crowly, and has to be dragged into conversation by Ace and Deuce. 

Ace and Deuce’s relationship. These two are single handedly carrying Yuu’s friendships and social image. The two even made a magicam account for Yuu in an attempt to bolster Yuu’s social reputation. Yuu have a small detected following form this. Ace is the one who comes up with most of the ideas in this duo. Though the magicam account was Cater’s idea. Everything else is made up by Ace. Deuce on the other hand is the support of these operations. Deuce makes Ace’s ideas happen. The two have been frustrated by Yuu’s apathy towards everything that isn't there orders. Sometimes it feels like teaching a brick wall how to feel. Other the two can look back and see how far Yuu has come.

Favorite students: after crowley order Yuu to tell him who his favorite student was Yuu told Crowley that it was Jamil. Him and Jamil have similar jobs in concept so Yuu thinks that he respect Jamil, Yuu just doesn't understand were his contempt towards Kailm comes from. Since Kailm is Jamil’s employer. Sebek had Yuu’s respect as well. Since Sebek works hard and does anything he’s asked to by Malleus and Lilia 

least favorite students: has to be Sliver and Ruggie. Sliver to Yuu is just not respected. He knows his sleeping habits aren't because sliver wants to, yet still Yuu can't overlook them. Yuu had found sliver sleeping in a hallway before. Yuu doesn't even try to wake him up since Yuu wasn't ordered to. Ruggie just isn't Yuu’s kind of person, Ruggle does what he’s told yet doesn't do it to his best ability. So Yuu doesn't respect Ruggie either. 

Hong Lu sinner #6

“Oh! Is this some sort of fashion statement?” “Help you, sure!” “hm that glass reminds me of one I used to use… what did i say something odd?”

Rich boy sindrom. Yuu doesn't understand half the things around them. Yuu can get dressed in the morning, unlike another rich boy we know. And he can do a lot of basic tasks other rich people struggle with. Yuu isn't helpless, it’s just Yuu doesn’t understand what it’s like to be poor. Sometimes Yuu makes insensitive remarks. Asking if holes in clothing is a fashion statement when someone doesn't have enough money to buy a new uniform. So Yuu has gained some ire from the less fortunate students.

Yuu’s weapon of choice is a long guandao. The guandao is a polearm used in some chinese martial arts. This shows that Yuu has been trained in using this form of martial arts. It shows that Yuu has more finesse than the normal comabant. Yuu is a mid rage fighter, a guandao's shaft can be 3 to 5 feet in length. Showing that Yuu is normally a protected fighter.

Yuu is very adept at reading people. Yes I know how weird it sounds, but Yuu’s family look to stab each other in the back at any turn possible inorder to keep their wealth. Yuu merely learned how to keep themself safe from such family members. So Yuu knew Jamil had no good will towards Kalim the moment book four started. 

Ace and Deuce’s relationship. These two are a lot like how they are in the game, just two friends to admittedly a more air headed and oblivious Yuu. Yet Ace and Deuce are just Yuu good friends. The two sometimes have to talk down students who are about to hit Yuu for their insensitive remarks. Yet their friendship is mostly the same as before.

Favorite student: Kailm by a long shot. The two can relate to each other better. They can share their struggles. It’s unfortunate for Yuu that Kailm doesn't share Yuu’s struggles for power amidst their family, yet the two get along so well. And share so many more struggles. 

least favorite student: hm Yuu doesn't hate anyone too much, but Jamil and him just can't get along. Jamil’s backstabbing nature just doesn't sit well with Yuu, so while Yuu and Kalim are together Jamil receives several side eyes. Nothing outright, but Jamill knows about Yuu distrust towards him.

Heathcliff sinner #7

“The hell you want?” “you say shit like that again to me I’m going to crack your skull open.” “I’m fine just leave me alone!” “I will see you again.”

Yuu has anger issues. Like if you say even the slightest of snarky lines be prepared to brawl since Yuu will NOT take any of that. Most of their students hold their tongues when around Yuu. especially the overblot victims. Since those guys got to experience Yuu’s wrath themselves. Yet when someone slips uo Yuu is ready and waiting to get in a brawl. Yuu nearly killed another student.

Yuu’s weapon of choice is a bat. A bat with the word revenge written in big white letters. The bat is normally used for baseball. A pass time that families use to get closer and build bonds. Something Yuu never got to do. If there was any indicator. So Yuu twisted this tool for sports into a weapon. Using it to enact their revenge. Using the blunt weapon to splatter brains across the floor.

Yuu isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. They struggle with even going to classes, often skipping. The other students try to help. Yet it just doesn't work. Yuu has resigned themself to being a dumbass. Not like they have anything else other than their anger. Their hatred burns bright and that's all that they need. They don't need to be smart if they can just smash all their problems. 

Ace and Deuce’s relationship. children trying to keep Yuu from killing another student. Except it's a bit different. Unlike sinner 4 this Yuu is a lot easier to stop. Since Yuu is more like a wild beast instead of a practiced killer. Ace has a hard time stopping Yuu. he was the first person to insult Yuu, and the first person to receive Yuu’s death glare. Deuce on the other hand, could stop Yuu single handedly. Deuce hates to admit it but he sees a bit of his past self in Yuu. Yuu talked to Deuce. Admitting that they know that they are not a good person. Knowing that their wrath has, and will continue to hurt people. Deuce tried to rebuke this. Saying that if Yuu just tried-. Yuu stopped him there. There was no use in trying, not after they lost the one person who saw good in them.

Favorite students: shocker here Vil. Yah Yuu will call Vil a pompous douche. Yet at the end of the day Vil has decided to at least try to help Yuu in Vil’s own way. Trying to take care and keep Yuu’s skin clean. It’s not lost on Yuu. Yuu hasn't had someone put this much time into them since- Yuu stopped that train of thought. Vil does complain about Yuu’s scars. Something that does get on Yuu’s nerves. You try living in the city for a day, scars are the least of Yuu’s worries. Also talking to Epel helps Yuu. Epel looks up to Yuu because Yuu just so freakin strong! Yuu has thought about telling Epel that it wasn't just training that makes him strong… It was body augmentation as well. Also Epel is shocked how complacent Yuu is with Vil’s torchouse routine.

least favorite students: leona and Yuu in a room is a recipe for disaster. Each one keeps fighting for the “top dog” spot. (yes I get the ironicism of that statement.) yet these two just CAN'T get along. Yuu hates that “above everyone else” attitude Leona has. Leona just hates Yuu for everything. So you lost something so what Leona has lost more. don't tell leona about Yuu’s ring. He’ll realize near immediately that Yuu did lose something way more important than anything leona’s lost. Ruggie isn't safe either. Ruggie is more rat than hyena to Yuu. That damm rat keeps taking Leona’s side in everything! Yuu has nearly beat Ruggie over this. 

Ishmal sinner #8

“How could two people be so dumb.” “hey hey hey! Don't go getting into trouble now!” “It's like herding fish in the sea.” “Let's not talk about my past please.”

Yuu is a very sensible person. Taking and following rules. Yet knows when rules need to be broken. Since this world has so many more rules then there old one. It is a wonder how they reel both Ace and deuce in. Riddle has half a mind to tell the two to act more like Yuu. Yet Riddle has seen some of the stuff that makes him question things about Yuu themself.

Yuu’s weapon is a mace and shield. The shield, a weapon for the defensive and closed off. A shield is more protection than a weapon, especially Yuu's. It's completely round so there's no sharp edges to stab people with. (yes this was how shields were intended to be used as both weapon and protection.) It's an extra layer of protection that yuu gets while in the front lines. Yuu does sometimes bash people with their shield though. Yuu’s second weapon is a Kalich mace. The Kalich mace is a very blunt weapon since there are no points to this mace. It shows how brutal Yuu can be, caving in a skull is very easy with a weapon like this. The mace is a close range weapon. Showing how Yuu’s shield mace combo is very effective in close combat.

Yuu is very secretive about their past. Withholding any and all details they can. There are only a handful of things the students have gathered. Yuu was out at sea for most of their life. Yuu clearly has some sort of trauma from back then since they never talk about their time out at sea freely. The last, and exclusive to Octavinelle Dorm. Yuu was a part of a crew, so not the captain. Searching for something called the white whale. Octavinelle has kept this information close to their chest. Since they know it's something only they have.

Ace and Deuce’s relationship. Ah yes Yuu pulls Ace and Deuce out of all of their bs once more. Not much more to say other like hong lu their relationship is very similar to how it is in game. With the exception of sometimes other students think Yuu and Ace are siblings with them both being red heads.

Favorite students: Riddle after book 1 is Yuu’s favorite. The two get along just fine. Yuu is the more relaxed on rules since they are willing to break them if it’s for the greater good, opposed to Riddle’s stricter compliance to them. Yet they two can settle their differences and have tea together. Though Riddle dose wince when Yuu scolds someone. There's a lot of pent up anger that Yuu holds, and Riddle can see it since he was Like yuu once.

least favorite students: the Octavinelle three. Those three fish folk keep prying into Yuu’s past and life. Those there even used magic agenst Yuu in order to pry more information from their lips. You can't blame them! Yuu is like the closest Humans normally get to the sea. Just what is it like to be looking down seeing the merfolk? They only get informatoms that hurts their relationship with Yuu though. 

Rodion sinner #9

“Hm sure I’ll do it, as long as I get paid.” “Grim dear, you can't be serious, that was on the ground.” “hm need something there?” “I got paid, let's have a feast!”

Yuu will do a lot if paid. Like the only way Crowley was able to get them to do anything is to pay Yuu. even in book 3 when Crowley threatened Yuu with cutting their food budget Yuu just laughed. Since Yuu used to live in extreme poverty, neighbors would drop dead because of hunger everyday. Crowly could cut their budget all he’d like. Yuu knows exactly how to survive with little to no food. If money isn't involved Yuu can be described as lazy not putting effort into anything 

Yuu’s weapon of choice is a battle axe. A versatile weapon that can be used with one or two hands. You can throw axes, you can swing axes. Yuu weapons can even be used as a tool. Such a versatile weapon when in the right, and special hands can turn tides for battle. Unfortunately Yuu isn't special.

Yuu is a laid back person. Their laid back personality makes them very easy to get along with. Yuu tends to talk about food as well. When they do get paid by Crowley they tend to splurge on good food, inviting people over when they do. There's a secret to why Yuu is so laid back. Yuu doesn't care about others' opinions. In Yuu’s own words “I just think. I’m the absolute best and whatever other people think is shit!”

Ace and Deuce’s relationship. These two are best friends with Yuu! Though both get teased to absolute hell and back by Yuu. with Yuu calling them dear or darling (platonically) the two sometimes get embarrassed by this little habit. Like in completely normal conversation Yuu will just drop: “Ace dear that can't be healthy.” or “Deuce dear I don't think that will work.”. Yet the three are inseparable. Ace and Deuce actually don't want Yuu to go home. Wherever Yuu talks about there “home” it’s always full of misery and suffering.

Favorite students: other than Ace and Deuce. Ruggie is often seen around Yuu. Ruggie and Yuu know the pain of poverty. There are three people you’ll find at Yuu’s food parties and they are Ace, Deuce, and Ruggie. Ruggie is also on the bandwagon of Keep Yuu in twisted wonderland. Ruggie if he has extra leftovers, and is not going home anytime soon he will give them to Yuu. The two talk about their pasts, Ruggie was flabbergasted when Yuu told him that they killed the tax collector who was sapping their community of their money. Then they told him about how that wasn't the end and the story didn't have a good ending. Ruggie said he didn't want to hear more, so that Yuu can have a happy ending at least in his eyes. 

least favorite students: rich boys. Yes, any of the rich boys. Look Yuu doesn't have anything against rich people… ok they dont love rich people. But you know Yuu has worked with a rich boy. But these guys. They take everything for granted. Leona is the worst offender. All he does is complain. Who cares if you're second. Yuu was never in the running. Yuu never had a chance Yuu had to take their fate in their own hands and look where it got them! 

extra: Yuu’s gambling habit. Yuu has a habit of gambling the money they earn as well. Wherever is left after their dinner parties. So Yuu’s savings don’t last long. 

Sinclair sinner #10

“Uh don't say that please.” “why don't we all just calm down.” “Please stop fighting, it will get us nowhere!” “uh you stupid fuckin basterd, I should have let you die a long time ago!”

Yuu is incredibly shy and timid. Yuu can be extremely adverse to confrontation as well. They have a hard time standing up for themself as well. Many students take advantage of their timid nature. You can sometimes see Yuu getting drinks for a student who intimidated them. Crowley has Yuu worked to the bone as well. They just can't catch a break.

Yuu’s weapon of choice is a halberd. A polearm so we have another mid rager. It's evidence of their timid nature. So it’s natural that Yuu is not in the front line. But don't let that fool you. Yuu has a lot of strength. So much so they have actually thrown bigger people with their weapon before. They’ve been underestimated one too many times.

Yuu when at their breaking point will spout the most foul words possible. The first time it happened shocked so many people, and We're not just talking about calling someone a swear word once. Yuu makes a whole string of them work perfectly together. You have to blink before realizing what you've been called. Yuu will also say it with the most pissed face if you get them to their breaking point.

Ace and Deuce’s relationship. These two have to stand up for Yuu. yet when the two ask why Yuu doesn't stand up for themself they just brush it off. “I just don't like the looks they give me.” or “it’s hard to say no.” yet after seeing Yuu after their breaking point. The two understand as to why. Yuu admits they cave to peer pressure too easily. So the two take it on themself to help Yuu. Deuce actually dips into his delinquent past to help Yuu. teaching Yuu how to look tougher and how to ignore others commnet. Ace helps with getting Yuu some thicker skin. You can't let words get to you. So Ace will be there to give backhanded comments. What do you mean it isn't helpful? Yah after a while Yuu kinda blew up at Ace. so Ace realized that Yuu didn't like his help very much. The two do truly care for Yuu though.

Favorite students: Idia and Yuu are too similar in some aspects. Both come from rich families that get money from technology. and lost family members…. Ok so Yuu lost their entire family but pont still stands Yuu and idia understand the pain of losing family. Both have guilt way down on them thinking that they were the reason that their families were dead. Idia sometimes think Yuu is a little too relatable sometimes. 

least favorite students: Sebek. Yuu generally doesn't get how someone can be so loud, dedicated to someone, And how annoying… Yuu could list off many reasons. Yuu has one of the shortest fuses with this guy around. He demands respect while not earning any. Ugh! Yuu has blown up at him more than once, and each time leaves Sebek stunned on how creative Yuu uses those swear words. The two just don't get along, leaving the two alone will start a fight between them for one reason or another.

Outis sinner #11

“Don't start slacking now!” “I have no respect for any of you, I only respect the executive manager.” “you all really can't do anything without me.” “scoring high on the test wasn't my goal, though it looks like I did well.”

Yuu has no respect for anyone, but who they call “executive manager Dante.”. Yuu almost acts as a drill sergeant when around other people yelling out their mistakes. When people do challenge Yuu. Yuu somehow miraculously is able to do the thing. Yet since this world has a lot of things Yuu can't do Yuu doesn't know how to do Yuu tends to miss some things themself. you can expect if you're doing something wrong, that can be feasibly done by a normal person Yuu will be watching over your shoulder. 

Yuu’s weapon of choice is a kopis. It's a less common weapon. It can be described as a curved blade. While being perfect for hacking and dismemberment Yuu uses the weapon to pearce. Yuu has the know-how, and skill to use it this way. Yuu’s movements are precise and have no openings. You could consider Yuu a true warrior watching them fight, but Yuu would only claim. “This is normal to live, you must know how to fight properly.

Yuu is a wealth of battle tactics. Ofton taking charge of combat and telling other students how to act. There was one barking out orders at the students. Several students hate this. All to make it worse they're fighting in the front. So they are in the most danger. Yuu has even died once because of others incompetence, how they came back is still a mystery to others.

Ace and Deuce’s relationship: Ace and Deuce get yelled at by Yuu way too often. Yuu clearly has high standards. Yet Ace and Deuce were the first two people to see the cracks in Yuus persona. Deuce once made the mistake of asking about Yuu’s world. Deuce then informed Ace about it. The two  understood why Yuu’s always so serious. You see when Yuu died Ace and Deuce were in so much grief. Yuu should have had time to relax in this world, not die! Their world was so hard on them so why did they have to die here? The two hugged Yuu when they came back. 

Favorite students: Lilia, by a long shot Lilia. The former general is the only one who understands what Yuu acts the way they do. It took him taking care of silver to soften up, this “manger Dante” could be the key to making Yuu more friendly. So Lilia is patient with Yuu. even when he’s being yelled at for some slight error he nods and goes along with the scolding. After words he asks if you can show him how they do it. It's all about making Yuu feel comfortable. Yuu dying shook him. He was the first person to get to them. Yuu was never meant to die here. Yuu was meant to become a normal person, that's what Lilia was trying to accomplish. He saw too much of his past self in them. After they came back Lilia started to walk on eggshells around them, Yuu had to be on edge. Lilia’s past self would be. Yet when nothing seemingly changed it made Lilia think about why that would happen. Soon he learns about Yuu world, Lilia wants to keep helping Yuu.

least favorite students: Idia, oh boy Idia has been yelled at too many times to count. Yuu Yells at him in his nightmares. Normally he doesn't care much about nobodies, but Yuu is scary. They have skill, talent and came back from the dead! No one's meant to come back from the dead! So Idia cowers in his room locking doors the moment he gets any sign that Yuu is coming to his room.

Gregor sinner #12

“I know you're looking at my arm, just ask already.” “Rude, just because I'm different doesn't mean you can spout that shit off.” “Come on, why so serious all the time? Take it easy once in a while.”

Yuu is a unserious joker. they tend to brush things off that others would hold grudges for. Often cracking jokes here and there. they don't want others to have to worry so much about everything. After what happened to them these kids have a better future for themselves. So they're here to be a friend to talk to with troubles.

Yuu’s weapon of choice is their bug arm. Yuu’s weapon is a part of them. It wasn't even Yuu’s choice to have it. It was forced on them! Even so they have it don't they? Might as well use it. Whenever asked about it Yuu just says “one day my arm had changed”. Yuu is very proficient with it. Yet since it’s a part of their body Yuu has to fight in the front line, nothing new about any of it anyways.

Yuu gets a lot of hate for their arm. Look Yuu could only conceal it for so long. It would spread like wildfire since Yuu has a “creepy bug arm”. Yuu hates when anyone calls them a nickname relating to their arm. Well it's nothing new to them anyways. They will get hate wherever they go. So they won't let anyone get to them.

Ace and Deuce’s relationship: These two try to keep everything light with Yuu. they know something is wrong with Yuu, and that Yuu doesn't touch on any of it. Yet there's a clear wrongness whenever Yuu is talking to one of them. Yuu stumbles with their words when caught off guard. Yuu is a horrible liar, while not uncommon Yuu tends to cover up anything about before they came to twisted wonderland. So Ace and Deuce are playing detective trying to uncover Yuu’s past

Favorite students: Trey and Yuu get along just fine. The two have their odd moments yet are clearly friends. Trey is the only one who knows about Yuu’s past. Trey will go to his grave with the knowledge of Yuu’s past. How could a mother experiment on their own son! Even worse, the reason why Yuu was experimented on was because of a war they was forced to participate in. one they was basically the poster child for! Something they didn't want either. Being forced into that position. Trey is a bit more sensitive around Yuu from learning about all that. Ace and Deuce asked on a number of occasions about if he knew Yuu’s past, the answer is always a simple no.

least favorite students: Rook. Having a bug arm fascinates Rook. it looks dangerous, how dose Yuu live normally? Yuu is in fact human Rook checked with the dark mirror. Si how did Yuu even get a bug arm? Yuu feels Rook’s eyes on him all the time. Rook freaks Yuu out!

Vergilius/The red gaze.

“You want to run that by me again?” “That sounds like the last of my patience burning out. One more misstep and I’ll have that person begging for death.” “rule one no bickering. Rule two If I hear fighting I will get involved, and trust me you don't Want me involved.” “What are you bothering me for now?”

Yuu is scary. Yuu is extremely menacing. The way Yuu hold them self, the way they look is scary, even how extremely calm they are in every situation. Even the beast men cower when under Yuu’s gaze for too long. Everything about Yuu horrifies the students. The fay even avoid Yuu. Nothing about Yuu seems right. Almost no one will approach Yuu. It took two students to nearly be expelled for anyone to even talk to them.

Yuu’s weapon of choice is a gladius. A short sword used by the romans. Yuu clearly has confidence in their close combat if they use something so short. Then when they had to fight the blot monster Ace and Deuce had realized it’s not just some short sword. Yuu’s gladius is heated. It will cut through nearly everything and cut through that blot monster like it was nothing. 

Yuu will not tolerate any rule breaking. Just the threat of Yuu being in the room makes even the worst delinquent a good student. Yuu tends to mostly use cleaning as a punishment, but when a bigger rule is about to be broken Yuu leans over the student and asks “are you sure you want to do this?” something so simple yet so ominous. Yuu is ok with lying, Yuu is ok with swearing, Yuus ok with you eating anywhere. Just don't break Yuu’s two personal rules. 

Rule 1 do not let me see or hear you fighting.

Rule 2 do not litter the floor with cigarettes.

No one has broken these and no one whats to know what happens when you do.

Ace and Deuce’s relationship: these two can be seen walking and talking around Yuu. Yuu doesn't talk to them much but ace and deuce talk to Yuu plenty. Yuu doesn't tell them to leave so the consensus is the three are friends. Ace and Deuce were asked by Yuu why people have been avoiding them. Yuu genuinely didn't know. I mean Yuu is very aware they are scary, and look unnatural. Yet that has never been a problem before. Deuce caved and told Yuu that they are just a bit too scary. Yuu reflected on this for a few moments then asked if Ace and Deuce found them scary. Ace said they don't, like a liar. Yuu then asked if the two could talk to them more. So after that day the two could be seen around Yuu. Yuu isn't the kind to hate everyone, Yuu is a human like any other, so Yuu appreciates good company.

Favorite students: Riddle, Yuu likes riddle the most for following all the rules Yuu has. Riddle never even yells at Yuu even before the first book. While Yuu has absolutely no respect for the queen of hearts rules, like everyone else Riddle was afraid of Yuu. so when two first years from his dorm started to talk to Yuu. Riddle nearly had a heart attack, who would willingly talk to someone so horrifying.

least favorite students: there are very few repeat offenders of rule breaking, yet few doesn't mean none. Floyd is very aware of how terrifying Yuu is. So much so Floyed nickname for Yuu is abyss monster, because that's what it’s like to stare at Yuu’s glowing red eyes. Floyd has yet to break any big rules while around Yuu. he’s been given quite a bit of cleanup duty. Yet on one unfortunate day, Floyd just so happened to have littered while Yuu was pissed. Yuu remembers Floyed for being a repeat offender. That day Yuu touched floyds shoulder, and leaned down to whisper in his ear “are you sure you don't want to pick that up. I’m not having a good day.” Floyd b-lined it for the trash. Floyd never threw it out. Instead of throwing it out, it ended up in his hand for the rest of the day. So now there's a crushed paper cup on the desk in his room.

Yuu’s job: Yuu is not a teen so Yuu works as a member of the staff. What's his job? Good question. He’s really just a security guard who roams around the campus. Yet Crowley main reason for hiring Yuu was to scare students into following rules, it just gets too hard sometimes dealing with them. So Yuu’s terrifying presence is well appreciated.

Charon 

“Vroom Vroom.” “Mephi is working very well.” “permission to vroom vroom?” “Charon knows Mephi’s back, front, and north east.

Yuu is very childish, often talking as if objects are alive. Using nicknames when referring to people. Ignoring people when mad at them. Humming songs randomly. Yuu can only be described as childish when acting like this. Some students forget they are a member of staff. It also doesn't help that yuu is short. Some students have mistaken Yuu for a student wandering around campus.

Yuu’s weapon of choice is an oar, an odd choice at first glance. Since an ore is used for bots aren't they? Yet Yuu has proven it’s a very effective weapon, you’d be shocked by how quick Yuu is with their oar. Yet there is an issue with using an oar as a weapon. That is an oar was never meant to be used as a weapon, it has no sharp edges nor any proper way to weld it. Yet Yuu show how manages to kick ass anyways. Well you don't work with the red gaze without picking up on a few tricks.

Yuu has both the beast and worst sense of direction. You see Yuu can get to any place, and will get to it. It’s just Yuu has no sense of direction making turners when they aren't meant to or go past turns that others would normally go through. Yuu only knows the back, front, and north east of their bus. Hell Yuu doesn't even use a map. Yet in the end, against all odds. Yuu get everywhere exactly on time. So I guess that's the reason why Yuu hasn’t been fired.

Ace and Deuce’s relationship: these two stick around Yuu like big brothers. Giving nasty glares to people who dare insult Yuu, or helping yuu when there's an obstacle they can't overcome. Like high shelfs. Ace and Deuce are always willing to lend a hand. The two were sent to get the mage stone Yuu was there to help them. Beating the blot monster was easter because Yuu had fight with them. Ace cant see Yuu as anything but a little sister. Ace has never had a sister. So being able to help and protect Yuu feels good. Sometimes Ace forgets Yuu is older than him. Yet at the end of the day the two are still friends. Deuce on the other hand looks up to Yuu. Yuu is so calm all the time, never getting mad. So Deuce often asks Yuu for advice. like how to pay attention better, or how to stay calm in stressful situations. Yuu’s advice isn't always the best, yet at the end of the day Deuce always takes it to heart.

Favorite students: Yuu likes Malleus, Malleus reminds Yuu of Vergilius. The two seem intimidating to other people and other people don't approach them often. Yet Yuu has always judged people on how they act, not how they look nor on how strong they are. Malleus was just happy when someone finally talked to him of their own volition. The fay was shocked to learn his friend wasn't a student but a member of staff. Even the staff somewhat avoided him. They wouldn't spare more than needed when talking to him. So at least Malleus had a friend on Yuu.

least favorite students: Yuu doesn't trust these two twins. The leech Twins are off putting to Yuu. Jade is creepy, always smiling and being too nice. Yuu can tell Jade is not being honest with Yuu. he often stares too much. Witch off puts Yuu even more. So Yuu tends to ignore or outwrite avoid him. Floyd on the other hand. He’s as much trouble as some of the sinners. So Yuu keeps an eye on him. Often reporting everything and all things to whomever they can. Yuu sometimes wishes that Vergilius was still with them, Floyed tries to get all sorts of rectons out of Yuu. only for you to try and ignore him. Yuu hit Floyd with their oar once. It stopped him for the rest of the day, but he just got more annoying after that.

Yuu’s job: Yuu is a lot older than they look so they aren't even a student. Yuu is unsurprisingly, a bus driver. Yah the mirror can get them anywhere, but where's the fun in that? So for the least Yuu brings students all around the island. Scarring a few in the process with their horrible driving. 

Dante

“...” “*clock sounds*”

Yuu cant talk normally they have no mouth, actually scratch that Yuu doesn’t even have a normal face. If you count a clock as a face in the first place that is. Yet Yuu is unforgivingly human, often getting mad when accused of not being human.. Grimm seems to understand Yuu just fine. As well as all of the main cast as well.

Yuu’s weapon of choice is to have others fight for them. I will tell you all that Limbus is very diegetic, so I’ll let that bleed in here as well. Yuu has made contracts with all of the main cast of twisted wonderland. All have the ability to come back from the dead with Yuu’s help. As long as Yuu is alive, so is all of the main cast. Not only that but Yuu has the ability to, with the help of the dark mirror. dip into parts of the main cast's life and pull out their true potential and power.

Yuu is a bit cowardly. Even submissive at times letting many people do as they please since Yuu is very easily intimidated. Yet Yuu isn't like Sincler in that they'll let people walk all over them. Yuu has proven time and time again that their cowardice has a limit and if other people are in any danger they have to do something to help. Yu claims that not helping people in dangerous situations would keep them up at night.

Ace and Deuce’s relationship: man… Yuu is basically exactly the same as they are in the game. Other then Ace and Deuce having to talk for Yuu occasionally nothing changed, at all.

Favorite students: the most shocking answer is! Ortho! Yes, that Ortho. The robot is the only one who even tries to help Yuu with their memory problems. The robot is also extremely interested in the world Yuu comes from since if people have made prosthetics for their head could there be full body prosthetics? When Yuu reveals that AI isn't actually allowed in their world because the rulers put a ban on making AI, Ortho was shocked. Yuu then explained that they don't have the same news but aren't smart enough or bold enough to even try making an AI

least favorite students: everyone except Ortho. Don't get Yuu wrong there friends, but god the sinners are easier to work with. There's always the “what does it have to do with me” or “what do I get out of it.” crap. The sinners worked for Yuu so at least they allowed orders yet the NRC students always want something out of the deal. They also constantly complain about having to fight for Yuu. IT WAS YOUR DEAL! You could have just gone “no” and had been done with it. But nooooo! You want to come back from the dead without the strings attached. You know how much PAIN it causes Yuu to bring you back! “It can't be that bad.” IT CAN AND IT IS!

[eggs-can-draw]

dooooooble while watchin v3

[reeama-the-mage]

The difference between the tragedy of Edwin's and Charles' lives and deaths and what makes Charles' much more compelling to me is that Edwin never had anyone he could trust: he grew up with distant parents who i imagine he saw rarely and could not confide in, then he went to school and was immediately recognized as other in a way he had not fully realized of himself yet and was killed for it, and then comes hell and well who can u trust in hell? Certainly not the things that chase you until your legs ache, and even if your compatriots in the whole ordeal are as innocent as you, trapped in the same technicality, what is the good of trusting them, when they are just as helpless as you?

But Charles? Everyone Charles was supposed to trust betrayed him. His parents were close to him, atleast somewhat, atleast his father was around enough to get sick of hearing owner of a lonely heart, and his mother was around enough to watch his father beat him and be silently horrified and ultimately not do anything about it, maybe she stepped in once and we just never saw it, but I wouldn't bet on it, Charles' mom is 'quiet' that's her defining feature to Charles not protective or gentle just 'quiet', then Charles gets to school and he is popular he has friends! He has people who care for him (or should maybe, as long as he's good at sports like he's needed to be) and then he stands up for one person, because he has always wanted to be good and maybe he trusts himself to do it just this once and his friends kill him and his own actions signed the death warrant and he cannot even trust himself to do the right thing properly (it never got better and then you died)

And maybe, maybe Edwin does it too, with less intention to hurt, and with less knowledge but Charles and Edwin trust eachother maybe more than anything (maybe Charles would sooner slip away from earth's gravity than stop putting his trust in Edwin who he thinks is good and smart and brills and aces) and maybe Edwin still looks at Charles trying to protect him after Charles has had maybe the worst week of his existence and says "that was a bit...... extreme" and Edwin still promises Charles can tell him anything while hiding himself in a way that makes Charles feel untrustworthy

So yeah I'll never stop thinking about the tragedy of Charles Rowland actually 👍 think about him with me

[thatscarletflycatcher]

*And another one*

I don't hate Rory, but I still think Mitchum was right, and I also don't think he was conspiring against Rory and Logan's relationship, and I also don't think he was extraordinarily mean and harsh (read extraordinarily as "beyond average experience of people in such a situation").

First thing: neither Mitchum nor Rory when speaking of her career are speaking of her becoming an average, serviceable, or even a competent desk research journalist. All references we get to the sort of job Rory aspired to is the kind of aggressive, go get it journalism: running through war zones, uncovering conspiracies, relentlessly pursuing the news and truth, demanding it, tearing it from people that don't want to give it.

And in that, Mitchum is right: Rory doesn't have what it takes. She's a kind, shy, sensitive people pleaser. She works well in structures where her duties and perks are delineated, where she receives encouragement, support and praise. She's not an entrepreneur the way Jess is, for example.

And her internship proved it. She did not push Mitchum to give her what she needed, she did not take every opportunity to showcase her talent, she just looked around and settled for the secretarial and managerial tasks no one else was doing. Which I think are important tasks that require skills that are not as easily found as you might think (punctuality, asiduity, patience, a well organized mind, manners and words that make other people cooperate with you and with each other, ability to recognize people's talents and put them to good use, comprehension of the big picture as a whole and in its details, all traits that Rory showed excellence in also later on in the DAR and as editor of the Yale Daily News).

Mitchum didn't tell her she didn't have what it takes to be successful in general or to work in journalism in general; he told her she didn't have what it takes to be a top dog aggressive reporter. And the series proves him right. Rory never becomes that, but she does become, an extraordinarily talented editor there where someone like Paris failed miserably.

As for the harshness, I'm not saying it is desirable, this is not "people need toughness to become good". But I was made to cry three times a year for three years as a student teacher. Every evaluation was a devastating list of all my failures in teaching a class. That wasn't the thing that made me a competent teacher, but I can attest to you none of those professors had any personal beef with me.

They weren't harsh or unfair for some secret motive. They had evaluated hundreds of students and I was just one more; the tearing to shreds of my classes was not personal. Mitchum is the owner of several newspapers and an empire. Rory is not the first person he has mentored, and given Logan's track record where he slept and fooled around with his sister's bridesmaids when his relationship with Rory had a couple months hiatus, Rory also isn't a specially distinct face in the universe of Logan's lady friends. We are so used to everyone seeing Rory in the show as super special, and also because she's a main character, but that doesn't mean everyone in her universe sees her that way.

I'm not saying that it's contradictory to canon the idea that Mitchum might have had second motives, but it's also not a given, and the opposite is as arguable and as plausible.

[gildedmuse]

So, I just know all of Tumblr was wondering, "hey, you remember that really weird ZoLaw fan with the annoyingly overly stylized post? I wonder if she's seen this and if she has any theories or thoughts, an observation or two?"

Well, allow me to set your wandering mind at ease, fictional Tumblr fan. The answer is: No. No, I really don't.

I have like three hundred.

[I also spent time just trying to track down as many translations as possible. Is Tera A Criminal's Daughter or The Daughter Of Thieving Bandits! These are CLEARLY separate things and can ENTIRELY change how her utter nonpresence in Zoro's life shaped him! Though I can take comfort in knowing that, regardless of what kind of crimes her father was committing they were more important than anything his daughter ever did in her entire life.]

And, hey, as might as well jump right into that whole mess.

1. Wait, Zoro's mom is dead? Thank goodness, I was worried Oda forgot one!

(AKA: Stop. Murdering. Moms.)

I'll go first, I don't mind saying when I was wrong. True, in the past I may have suggested that the vast majority of female characters in One Piece come off as ever so slightly, "leaning into sexist tropes with unadulterated joy; it's the misogynistic tropes equivalent of a child running naked through a grocery store. It's right there, everyone sees it, yet people shut up and continue shopping in part because, well, these days you just expect most people to cover that junk! What would you even say? And if you DO speak up and call out the inappropriate, be prepared for blank stares and tantrums; but THEY don't mind! THEY don't think it's wrong! You're just being mean!"

More or less a direct quote.

However, I see now that I rushed to judgement and the reality of the situation is far more nuanced. With that in mind, I was just wondering if someone could help answer some of the questions I have.

Like: Why does Oda believe that it's illegal for (maternal) female characters to survive other character's backstories?

More importantly, why hasn't someone just reached out to explain the misconception!? It can't be that difficult. If nothing else, just have a lawyer or judge or other expert in censorship on hand. Or is the one of those cases where back in highschool his friends made something up and then kept pretending it was real to see if he'd believe you and not only did he fall for it, it took over 20 years before he learned that, what, no that's not illegal. That would be crazy if it were an actual law. Cause you know, after the first 10 years I think yeah you have to just lean into it. Pretend it's a creative decision on your part and definitely not because you were terrified of being sentenced to a slow and humiliating public death.

Just to be clear that's definitely what's up, right? I mean, I'm struggling to think of another reason....able excuse why a story that I really enjoy keeps playing the same old sexist tropes cards again and again to the point of absurdity. It would just help if I had a valid excus- explanation. I almost mistyped the word explanation.

....

....

So I imagine it went like.

"That's the third mangaka they've had to Publically Execute this week!"

"They've started taking this law way more serious lately."

"This one really deserved it though! I heard his main character has a mother in her late forties!"

"That does seem old to have your first child."

"No, he's the middle of three and 22 years old. The story even has flashbacks of defining moments in his childhood and never once did she try to sacrifice herself for him, get murdered by his enemies, or die in meaningless unrelated accidents."

"Damn, that's cold to be there for all the protagonist core moments and not die and help him develop and grow a character? They must have a very antagonistic relationship. Is she actually the villain."

"Not that we know, and when they asked about this being a possible plot twist since - obviously if she's evil no laws are being broken."

"Well, of course, that's the whole reason Statue 2-dash-57 exists; if creators can show they have consistently been building up to a surprise twist then the female character in question can continue to live so long as she continues to be unrepentant and unlikable until the resolution of her arch by the protagonist."

"That's the thing! Under oath not only did man present no evidence to support her identity as a secret villain, he went on the record stating he wanted to depict their relationship as one of a normal modern 20 year old and his mother."

"That can't be true! What publishing company would even print that!?"

"It gets worse. I told you he was a middle child? Well, according to those who've read the actual manga, his younger sister was really sick as a child."

"Oh, well, at least-"

"It was just a fish allergy. She's perfectly fine."

"Sometimes I feel this law is unnecessarily harsh but.... Then you hear stories like that, and you realize that some people really are monsters."

[zipquips]

feeling incredibly unprepared for my med appointment today

[qqqqqqqqqqq0]

i've been having some trouble falling asleep lately

[jemmo]

i can’t tell you how much i usually hate these ignoring, distancing plots in shows and how much i absolutely adore everything about these 2 episodes of the eighth sense. like im not having a good time, and it’s fantastic.

bc the thing is, in all of this, i can’t see the right way to go, i can’t find the person to blame, i can’t find the way to make it better. I can’t single out a single moment or a thing someone did and say “this is why everything went wrong”. it’s just this coming together and rise and swell of things happening and people feeling things that has us ending up here and it feels beautifully and horribly organic bc we can’t find that point where it all went wrong. was it on that rooftop? was it at the beach? was it when they first met? was it when his brother died? was it when he was born into this family? there is no single point. it’s all of them and it’s none of them. there is truly nothing and no one to blame. and there are bad characters in the show, people you can hate, eunji and taehyung, but neither of them are to blame for any of the bad stuff that happens in the show. you’re not waiting for them to be taken down bc that doesn’t solve anything. instead, it’s just two people hurting, and not knowing how to make it better.

bc you take jaewon, and after what he says at the end of ep 8, you want to hate him, you want to be so angry at him for what he says, for how he acts, how dismissive and hurtful he is, and yet you’ve been made to understand 100% why, and not just in a “i get it but that wasn’t the right thing to do” way, in a “that was horrible and yet i know he doesn’t see any other way to handle this” way. like you don’t see this as a misstep, or a step to far, bc you know for him, in his state of mind, it is completely justified, it’s necessary. bc it not only punishes the person he blames for all of this, himself, but he sees it as a way to protect jihyun. and not even in a cliche “bad things happen when people around me, the people I love always get hurt” kinda way, but more so in that he sees that he is a scared, messy, struggling person that doesn’t know how to handle himself, and doesn’t want to inflict that on anyone, let alone the person he cares about. so what’s worse, a quick, swift blow that hurts but cuts everything off cleanly, or this prolonged relationship where he inevitably continues to weigh jihyun down with the weight of his trauma, and take it out on him. what’s the point of having a place of refuge when you ruin it more and more every time you depend on it, until it eventually can’t offer you comfort. it’s a lesser of two evils, jaewon’s choice is obvious to him.

but then you take jihyun. and we talk about masks and fronts but we never once question whether jihyun wears a mask bc he appears so sweet and innocent and naive, what can this boy possibly be putting up a front for. but i see it, this almost fake it till you make it confidence front that yes is becoming more natural. but my god just think about what he’s gone through for a second. think about it. left home for the first time in his life, moved to an unfamiliar and intimidating city with only one other person he knows, started a new job, started university, tried to build relationships, met a man that intrigues him, and perused him only to be kissed and then ignored, then maybe establish something tentative, only to then see him spiral, go on a trip where he shared his trauma, you have an intimate night together only to almost die, and then be not only ignored, but plain and simple rejected and pushed away. like… you can say all you want about jihyun growing as a person and having more courage, but no amount of growth for however many months this has been going on for can prepare you for that. for the mixed messages on steroids. for the back and forth, not knowing. to give yourself to someone like that and go through something traumatic and then be abandoned by that person. we get it, bc we see all of jaewon’s story. but apart from what jaewon shared at the beach, jihyun doesn’t know any more than that. he doesn’t know about therapy, about how his father acts towards him, about the extent of his trauma and how it manifests and affects his mental health, and how he is struggling every single day. and you can’t expect him to know the depths of that no matter how empathetic and connected he is, how much he cares about jaewon, he can’t be superhuman. and so you get why he pushes and fights for jaewon. like… he is in love. it’s clear. he’s fallen in love with him. he is this wide-eyed, open kid that fell in love with a senior. and jaewon has just messed with his head, he’s never been clear, and you can’t expect jihyun to just get past that bc he knows something is up with jaewon. he can’t know the full story, but even if he did, that can’t be a reason or a justification to be treated the way jaewon treats him. bc we’re all about jaewon putting himself first and doing what he wants and respecting himself like that, but jihyun deserves that too. and it’s such a fine line to tread when you know someone is going through something, bc again you understand why, but you’re still the one being treated that way. like we talk about jaewon’s trauma, but here jihyun was part of it, he went through that traumatic experience. he’s the one that nearly lost his life. and yes, he appears to handle it well, and no matter to what extent that’s true or not, you can’t not look at jaewon struggling and understand it and then not look at jihyun with that same understanding. it’s not about comparing trauma and pain and deciding who is suffering more, it’s seeing that there are two people in this, and they’ve both been affected, so we should give them the same level of understanding.

and that’s something jaewon has to see. that his self-preservation is selfish. that his destructive behavior doesn’t just affect jihyun, instead it feels pointed and directed, bc every way jaewon hurts himself hurts jihyun. and it comes bc jihyun was so much of what was good about jaewon’s life for a second, so attacking that is his only form of self-sabotage. he can’t mess up his relationship with his friends or parents bc they were broken in the first place, and he can’t sabotage his future bc it’s already been ruined the moment he didn’t pursue his photography major. him nearly getting kicked out of school affected him so little not just bc he wanted that punishment, but bc even that punishment meant so little to him. all these things are established and they already contribute to his suffering. removing jihyun from his life is the only active thing he can do to make himself feel worse, and he can veil it in an act of protection, and even feel like he’s doing the right thing, but that deceives them both into believing this is done from a good place, when no good can actually come of it. in trying to protect jihyun, you hurt him more. in trying to hurt yourself, you hurt him too. and when someone is in a headspace like jaewon is, you look for that thing that’ll break through. bc he is so distant, he’s trying to remove himself from reality, and jihyun needs to act as this person that can anchor him to it. when you’re trying to isolate and separate yourself, sometimes seeing that you still affect things, that there’s a persons that exists that is affected and hurt by your actions, and no matter how you try to cut yourself off, you cannot stop that, separating yourself still hurts them, maybe that’s a thing that can get through. but that’s something that depends on jaewon. ultimately, he’s the only one that can get himself out of this place, and that’s what makes it so hard, that no matter how much jihyun cares and how much he fights for him, nothing can come of that effort is jaewon doesn’t meet him there. and it’d be so easy for jihyun to give in, to take the hurt, but over the course of this show we’ve seen the strength jihyun has developed, which has only seemed to increase more so after the accident, call it a renewed vigor for life or something. he has the strength that jaewon doesn’t, to not let his pain consume him. and in a beautiful full-circle moment, it’s because of jaewon, bc when they first spoke he sparked in jihyun a want to be stronger, to be more than the country mouse, and he’s done it. and it’s that courage that means he can fight for jaewon, even in the face of rejection. he trusts himself and that he knows jaewon, the real jaewon, to see past words that are intended to hurt them both, and go after the person that’s still inside jaewon somewhere. no, he can’t do it for him, and no them being together is not some magical cure for jaewon, but it’s what can put him on a path of caring for himself again, and sometimes that has to start with caring about someone else (and suddenly I’m reminded of my beautiful man 2 and how kiyoi tries to break hira out of his worthless mindset by making him care about him, and how ultimately that can’t be enough, and that hira has to take those first steps of seeing his self worth by himself). what jihyun can do by fighting is again act as that tether to reality and try to be this representation of the good jaewon can be and do. bc look at jihyun, look at how confident and strong he has become, and look at how he got there, bc you saw that country mouse and gave him the time of day and helped him grow and gave him new experiences. you jaewon, you. and that shift in mindset, from jihyun representing hurt and the accident and the trauma of his brother and everything he can’t do, to being that light and refuge and everything he can do is again something that might breaks through. and the fact it has such narrative strength and satisfaction makes me hopeful that that’s what we might actually get.

[thethingything]

I found a case study where someone was on Ciprofloxacin (the antibiotic that permanently fucked us up) and then put on Clarithromycin (the one we've just been on) and ended up on a psych ward because of the psychiatric side effects of the Clarithromycin, and apparently they wore off within a week so I guess that's something? maybe?