#everything felt possible. i felt invincible. like a character in a story surrounded by friends having minor adventures

[andromeda3116]

for some unfathomable reason, i've been thinking a lot lately about this insane comedic original story i started when i was first at college and didn't have internet, way back in 2008, and i went back and tracked it down (on Ye Olde LiveJournal, which hauntingly still exists in the aether) and like. i still kinda have a fondness for it. it's ridiculous and extremely 2008, both in terms of being dated and in terms of who i was a person then, but i still kinda wish i'd ever finished it. the idea has milled about in my head of actually handling the concept now, as an adult, but tbh, i don't think it would really translate into my style now. it just exists as an artifact of my sense of humor circa age seventeen.

i can still remember being the person who wrote it, sitting in that dorm at that desk on that dinosaur laptop and you know, sometimes i still miss her.

[battlekidx2]

My Thoughts on Young Blood, Old Souls

I am honestly a bit mixed on this finale. There were parts I really love, but there were parts I feel conflicted about and things I felt were missed opportunities. I just want to air my thoughts because I’m not sure how I feel about this episode. 

There was so much build up to this finale and I felt they wrapped everything up a little too neatly. There were things I expected to happen and things I felt were rushed. Eda was saved, Lilith defected from the coven system, Lilith and Eda seem to have reconciled or at least started that reconciliation, Luz got away from the emperor despite destroying the portal and not holding up her end of the bargain, Eda was returned to her normal form, Willow and Gus managed to turn the people against the emperor’s will, and more. This is going to be a mix of like, dislikes, and preferences because I feel like for every negative there’s a positive within that plot point or character moment. This is just my opinion. If you loved this episode and everything about it that’s great! I just felt there were things I would have preferred be done differently or been done later in the show. 

For starters the Eda and Luz relationship in this episode was fantastic with some genuinely heart wrenching scenes. This dynamic has been strong all season and seeing what was built up in Agony of a witch being paid off was really nice. Eda’s relationships with everyone close to her really shine this episode actually. When Luz and then later King echo Eda’s sentiment in the first episode about sticking together and being all they have I couldn’t help but get emotional. They have all had such major impacts on each other. I’m not sure what to say about any of this that hasn’t been said on tumblr already. These were great moments and deserve the praise they are getting.

Lilith is the one connection I am a bit iffy on and only really because I feel we should have gotten more time with her and Eda in the season and had more flashbacks of the two of them when they were younger before this episode. I think if we’d had flashbacks of the two of them getting along and being best friends as children it would heighten the tragedy of them being on separate sides of the law, the reveal that Lilith cursed Eda, and make her decision to go against the coven system and emperor Belos seem less awkward pacing wise. Lilith seems to be driven both by her desire to cure Eda and, what was more clearly evident in the episodes leading up to this one, her fear of emperor Belos. Her turn makes sense with Belos going back on his promise to her but there wasn’t really a moment where she seemed to decide to put aside her fear of Belos and do what’s right. They really want to show that Lilith is now on the real path to redemption instead of trying to make things how she wants them to be, Eda with her in the emperor’s coven and free of the curse she inflicted on Eda, without thought to what Eda truly wants. My one thing is that I felt this realization was rushed for example Zuko and Catra are given 13 episodes where they are forced to realize that upon getting what they thought they wanted they still feel hollow, that the people they’ve hurt and tried to enforce their will upon are really the people they want/need to help, that they need to change their ways, and then standing up to the figure they fear to do what they believe they need to. I guess it’s no use comparing the two with Lilith because these are two different shows. I just wanted to express that I wish there was more breathing room for this realization and change of heart to take effect. I do wish the “sharing the pain” spell was set up earlier in the season, but I think it was fairly well done within this episode. I am really excited about how this will play out going forward because now Lilith is going to be living at the owl house with Eda, Luz, and King. This is going to explore some interesting dynamics and provides a set up for Eda and Lilith working through their problems and reconciling next season. I think this is only the beginning of Lilith’s redemption and the siblings’ reconciliation. 

I think the emotional core of the episode was strong. It knew it wanted to be about the connections that the cast has with Eda and it ran with that. The problem was that it tried so hard to set up so many things that I think distracted from this point. It decided to set up emperor Belos, his plan, a possible uprising among the people, luz having to find an alternative way home, Belos not being invincible, etc. These are all great ideas, but I don’t think the episode had the time to fully and believably set all of this up.

I wasn’t surprised Eda was saved, but it seemed a bit too easy. I liked seeing Luz’s progression from where she started by facing those same guards she did in the first episode. In that episode she was mostly powerless and now she is able to take on the entire prison. That’s where my first issue is. Eda seemed to be having difficulty with the guards in the first episode and as we’ve discovered Eda is an incredibly powerful witch. The argument can be made that Eda wasn’t trying in that first episode but you’d think she’d try hard enough to where there wouldn’t be any danger of herself and her companions being caught or hurt. That didn’t really seem to be the case though because she needed the help of Luz to escape in the pilot as well. This is probably just a case of the writers not wanting to reveal how overwhelmingly powerful Eda was until Agony of a Witch, but it makes the power scaling feel a bit wonky to me on rewatch. Especially with how much Belos has been talked up and feared by all the people around him it felt odd that Luz could crack his mask and that he let her get away when he could have easily stopped her, Lilith, Eda, and King. He just didn’t seem as powerful as I think he should have. This is probably set up for next season I’m guessing. This was built up to be the moment that we see the overwhelming odds the heroes are against for the series, but it didn’t feel like that. It made belos seem less imposing and made me question why he was so feared. If Luz could crack his mask what was stopping Eda or anyone close to her power from rising up against Belos other than propaganda? The Eda we saw in Agony of a Witch, which was a severely weakened Eda I might add, should be able to fight Belos on even footing based on what we saw. I just feel like Belos had his imposing and all powerful facade broken too quickly after his introduction. 

That being said I liked his portrayal. The air of uncaring and single-mindedness that he brought was so interesting. You really got the feeling that he wasn’t threatened by Luz or anyone on the boiling isles (now the fight sort of shattered that but still). There were also hints at things not being as they seemed with Belos like the fact that Luz’s magic repellent cape couldn’t repel his attacks which could lean into the theory that Belos is human and what he uses is technology not really magic or a combination of both. I really loved the way his body would distort when he would move and seemingly teleport which gave him an unnatural and creepy feel. His voice acting also went a long way with emphasizing every trait I just discussed. Matthew Rhys does a fantastic job. I’m very excited to learn more about him and his plan for the day of unity. There’s still so much mystery surrounding everything about him that I think was well maintained in this episode.

There’s also the citizen uprising which was teased. This was another plot point I felt the show was going to build on later rather than have it in this episode. Everything about Belos and his coven system seems deeply ingrained in the boiling isles and there were only a few people who seemed to question it up until this point. The delinquents, Luz, Eda, and some unnamed witches that Belos petrified between this episode and last. Everyone else seems to buy into the coven system even Willow, Gus, and especially Amity don’t really question it. They seem all too happy to accept their place in the coven system. And with Amity it is her life goal to be a part of the emperor’s coven which makes her farther from questioning Belos and the system than the other two. The closest we got was in Willow’s introduction with her being unhappy in the abomination track, but the problem is fixed when she’s moved to the plant track. She was also the one giving Luz the history of Belos and the boiling isles and she didn’t question anything she talked about. Now her and Gus speaking out against the emperor in this scene makes sense. They care about Luz and Luz cares deeply about Eda so they want to help in any way they can. Being able to start an uprising amongst the people against what emperor Belos is saying when we haven’t seen anyone outside a select few meaningfully challenge his ideas about how magic should be used doesn’t make that much sense at this point in the story. If we had seen someone other than Principle Bump change his mind on the flexibility of the coven system and questioned emperor Belos’ claims it would have made this scene more believable to me. Yes a few of the people in the crowd were freed from a prison by Eda, but these people were considered outcasts and looked down upon so I don’t really think their opinion would sway the crowd as much as it did. Most of these people don’t know Eda. They only know what they’ve been told and they’ve been told that she’s a dangerous witch who has failed to adhere to a coven system that they believe is the only way to live. Now I know I just spent quite a while talking about my problems with this scene and while I wasn’t the biggest fan of it I do think it was a good character moment because it shows Gus and Willow’s growth. Willow in her introduction wouldn’t be able to do any of this. She wouldn’t be able to stand in front of a crowd and say that what Belos is doing is wrong. Willow has grown a lot this season and this scene did a lot to show that. I loved that.

I know I sounded really critical in this and I don’t want anyone thinking I hated this episode or this show. I really like this show. I just had a lot of complicated thoughts on this episode in particular. If this wasn’t the finale of the season I think my thoughts would change quite a bit, but as it stands this is how I feel. If anyone has anything they would like to add or give their opinion on feel free to leave comments. You don’t have to agree with me on any of my points. This is just my opinion you can have your own.

[thekitsune]

The Keyblade Witch, Luz Noceda

Here I am with a new fic! A Kingdom Hearts and Owl House crossover fic! Honestly, I did not even have this idea until I saw some fanart of the Kingdom Hearts 1 cover, but with the Owl House characters in place of the KH characters. It was amazing, and it made me realize just how well fitting these two series are to mix together. I hope everyone enjoys this fic as I have some ideas. Plus there will be some slight KH story changes to fit the crossover. Also, note, I will use worlds from the game as well as worlds based on other Disney cartoons/movies that have not appeared in the KH series. I might also add some worlds based on anime or video games, but if I do I will probably limit the number of them. We will see... Now enjoy the fic! And remember, that I do not own The Owl House or Kingdom Hearts!

Prologue ~ Dive to the Heart~

A void of complete darkness. No matter where she looked, she could only see infinite darkness. Was she trapped in some horrible dimension. With no possibility of returning to her friends or her mom? The very idea of this terrified her. She felt cold inside at the prospect of this. All of a sudden, she felt another cold chill before she lost her footing, and she began falling backwards.

Freaking out, she began waving her arms and legs erratically as she continued descending deeper into the black void. There was nothing to grab onto and no staff to catch her. Was this where she was going to die?! Her stomach felt like it did a multitude of flips as she fell even quicker. Flashes of her mother, Eda, King, Willow, Gus, and Amity passed through her eyes as she flinched in anticipation for a collision with some form of the ground.

What she got instead was a gentle breeze slowing her descent while also pushing her into an upright position. So shocked was she, that Luz took a couple of moments to realize that she was once again standing on something. Glancing down in surprise, she began to slowly walk around to try and find out where she was. However, the moment her foot made contact with something(?), the darkness beneath her shattered and fluttered away in the form of doves. Looking around in surprise, Luz was amazed and mesmerized at the sight.

Gasping in shock, she smiled at the sight before she realized that the ground beneath her was illuminating the entire void to different degrees. Looking back down, she was surprised to see that the platform was in fact a stain-glass platform of a girl that was a few years older than her. She must have been a princess considering she was wearing a crown.

"Wow..." Luz whispered under her breath as she gazed upon the platform. Smiling lightly, she once again began to look around. Now that there was some light, she was not nearly as scared as she was before. She was clearly in some void. What it was, she had no idea. She knew it was filled with darkness, but the platform beneath her proved that there might be hidden areas amongst the darkness. These platforms might mean something as well. While she did not know who the girl on the platform was, she had to be important.

The most important question in her mind though was: How did she get here? The last thing that she remembered was going to sleep in the Owl House. King had bunked with her again, and she cuddled up under the covers as she let sleep take her. So was this place a dream? But everything in here felt way too real. This fear, the amazed feeling at the seeing this platform, the sense of touch, and... "Ow! That hurt!" pain...definite pain.

This was real. Somehow, someway, it was real. And she was trapped here alone. Feeling her pockets, she winced when she realized that she did not have anything to draw glyphs on in case of something dangerous happening. Her fingers began to twitch as the thought went through her head. She had been through various dangerous situations since coming to the Boiling Isles, but she had always had someone or something to help her out during it. Now though...

Fear. It's a common emotion to feel in a situation like this.

"Ack! Who's there?!" Luz shouted after falling backwards in shock. Glancing around, she tried to see someone through the darkness, but she knew it was futile.

Ah. There's so much to get done, but alas we have so little time. We should begin.

With that statement, Luz froze as she heard a cracking noise. Looking back, she saw a crack begin to form across the platform. Shooting up, she felt sweat beads begin to form on her forehead as she looked around for somewhere else to go. Sadly, the crack turned into a full-blown spider-web before the entire platform shattered into glass shards. "Not againnnnn!!!...." Luz shouted as she immediately fell again. Gasping, she began floundering around again before letting out a grunt as she collided with another platform.

Rubbing her chin, she pushed herself up while suppressing a groan. Once she got back to her feet, she looked down and spotted a different princess on this platform. And she was surrounded by multiple circles, each with their own little man. They were kinda cute. Giggling at the sight, she looked back around before looking up into the sky. "The heck was that for voice?!"

As you know, danger can lurk around any corner. What will you use to defend yourself?

Blinking in surprise at the complete dismissal of her question, she jumped back in surprise as three pedestals arose from the platform. A spotlight emerged above each one. One had a sword with an odd symbol on the hilt and a blue handle. Another one had a magic wand...or was it a rod? The two ends of its handle were tan with the main portion of the handle being green. The head of the rod was a blue version of the symbol on the sword. The last pedestal had a shield resting atop it. The shield itself was pentagonal in shape with a red border and a black face. Once again that symbol was present on this weapon and was sporting a red color.

"Uh...I get that I'm suppose to pick a weapon, but I want to ask a very important question. What the heck is that symbol? It's on all three of these things!" Luz shouted in exasperation before sighing and shaking her head. She really had no idea what was going on, but she should just go along with it for now. Plus...that rod looks pretty cool...

Running over to the pedestal with the rod on it, she grasped it tightly in her hand and smiled in triumph. Now she had a wand like everyone else! Deciding to test it, she tuned out the voice as it spoke again, and began drawing one of the glyphs in the air. Smiling as the glyph shone before her eyes before bursting into a bright light like it usually would whenever she drew a large version of the light glyph. As the light expanded, she felt a warm feeling in her chest at the sight of her first spell with her own wand.

Choose one to give up. Please. I am tired of waiting.

Luz finally tuned back into the voice right as her wand disappeared which earned the voice an irate ''Hey! That was mine!'' Growling in anger, Luz let out a little "Hmph" as she folded her arms over her chest and pouted. Her mind finally registered what the voice had said which gave her something to distract herself with. Looking back over at the sword and shield, she let out a little "Hmmm..."

"I have a wand now so I don't really need a sword. However, that shield looks really big and heavy. My weak, nerd arms might not be able to lift it. Hm...Oh I know!" Luz shouted as an idea popped in her head before closing her eyes. Pointing at the sword, she began her choosing process, "Eenie meenie miney mo! Catch a tiger by the toe! If it hollers let it go! Eenie meenie miney...MO!"

Luz opened her eyes and saw that her finger had landed on the sword. Smiling in victory, she walked over to the weapon and grasped it tightly in her hands. Listening to the description of the sword, she was kind of disappointed since it apparently was a sword that gave someone invincible courage and caused terrible destruction. It must be really powerful...

"Well...do I really need a shield?" Luz whistled innocently as she turned on her heel and walked over to the other weapon. Grabbing it, she winced at the weight of the object. She was right, her weak little nerd arms wouldn't allow her to use this that effectively. As she was about to announce that she chose to give this one up, the description for it rang out:

The Power of the Guardian. Kindness to aid friends. A shield to repel all. Is that what you wish to give up?

Luz froze at this. She would lose her kindness? She wouldn't be able to help defend her friends anymore? The faces of everyone that she held dear flashed through her mind. Looking back at the shield, she grasped it tightly before shaking her head no. Releasing it from her grasp, she walked back to the sword and announced that she gave it up. The sword vanished from the pedestal along with the shield, but she didn't feel any different so she knew that she didn't lose her kindness.

Be aware of the dangers that surround you. They can come from anywhere. Even the shadows.

Gasping as three black silhouettes shot out around the platform, she watched as they all sped around before slowly taking shape. Stepping back, she saw one shoot pass her, under her feet, and she heard a wooshing sound. Listening to her instincts, she threw herself forward right as the creature shot up from the ground and took a swipe at where her head was. Rolling forward, she jumped back to her feet and watched as the other two creatures rose from the platform as well.

Feeling a power begin to form in her chest, she stuck her hand out and watched as the magic rod that she chose only a few moments earlier materialized into her hand. Grabbing it tightly, she narrowed her eyes as she jumped back and quickly drew three small ice glyphs in the air. Each one was focused on one of the creatures. The rod shone before the glyphs lit up as well. Immediately, a spike of ice shot from each glyph and struck the creatures dead-on.

Smiling, Luz began hopping up and down in victory. Her victory hopping was cut short as another creature suddenly jumped at her. Shouting, she swung the rod and smacked it across the face which sent it flying off the side of the platform. Breathing hard, she collapsed to her knees and let her eyes dart around to survey the entire area.

Thankfully, the mysterious voice gave her the all clear as it soon began speaking again.

Nice work. Now, there are some questions that need to be answered.

Blinking in surprise as a door materialized on the platform. Pushing herself back up, she slowly approached the door and inspected it for any kind of trap. She wanted to trust this voice, but...it's sent her falling who knows how many feet and summoned shadow creatures to attack her. Sure it provided her with a weapon, but...it was sending her mixed signals.

Sighing, she grabbed the door handle and pushed the door open. A bright light shone through which caused Luz to shut her eyes tightly to try and shield her vision. Walking through the doorway, she winced as she kept moving forward. The hard platform beneath soon changed to feel like...dirt. Was she standing on regular ground now? Peeking down, she was surprised to see grass staring back at her. Did that door really just send her to a different location...then again, Eda has one as well so it's not too surprising.

Looking up, she gasped at the sight of the Owl House. "I'm back! I'm back!" Luz yelled in excitement as she was about to run towards the place that she's been calling home for the last few months. However, she screeched to a halt as soon as she saw three figures standing outside of it. None of them made a move to look at her. Looking at them cautiously, she held her hand out and watched as the rod...wand, she still wasn't sure, appeared in her grasp once more.

"Oh come on voice! When can I go home?!" Luz complained with a pout on her face.

There was a pause before it began speaking.

Just answer the questions, and it will speed up the process.

Luz blinked in a surprise before nodding and turning to face the three people that this world was showing her: Eda, King, and Amity.

Walking over to the fake King, she saw that he had his arms crossed while running his foot back and forth in the dirt. Holding back an 'Awww,' she waited for him to ask his question.

"What are you most scared of?"

Surprised at hearing King's voice in such a serious manner, she quickly went over the question in her mind before opening her mouth to answer, "I'm scared of losing my friends and family. I don't know what I would do if that happened." Fake King stared at her before looking back down and going back to what he was doing.

Walking away from the fake version of her friend, she walked over to her teacher, well the fake version of her anyway. Fake Eda smirked down at her before petting her head in the usual manner that Luz had become accustomed too since meeting her. "Hey kid, you know I'm not the real me, right?" Surprised at how direct she was being, Luz just nodded back which earned a chuckle out of her fake mentor. They failed at capturing King's personality, but they seemed to hit the nail on the head with Eda.

"Heh, anyway, I'm going to ask some stupid question that you have to answer alright. After this, go ask the fake version of your little friend over there the last question and then move on. Some things will be going on soon, and you need to be prepared for it. Now then," she coughs into her fist before raising her hand up, "What do you want out of life?"

Luz pursed her lips and began thinking hard. She really wants to be a witch, like Eda and Azura, but was that really all she wanted out of life? That was such a hard question... "I...I'm not really sure Eda. I mean...I want to become a powerful witch, but that's not the only thing I want! Maybe...maybe I just want to make some lasting friendships with others and have people who accept me for me as well? I don't know..."

Fake Eda looked down at her before running her hand over Luz's head once more. Luz glanced up and saw that the fake version of Eda went still once more which signaled that she needed to move on. Sighing, she turned and headed to fake version of Amity.

Fake Amity glanced up at her from the book that she was holding. Nervously waving at her, Luz quickly grabbed her hand when she realized this was not her real friend and pulled it back down. Fake Amity watched silently before speaking up, "What's most important to you?"

Luz didn't even hesitate to answer, "Everyone." Fake Amity briefly smiled before going back to her book. Before Luz could react to this, the entire world began shining brighter before she was once engulfed by light.

Opening her eyes after a few moments, she saw that she was on another platform in the endless void. Sighing, she looked up and saw that this platform had a path that lead to another platform. Raising an eyebrow in confusion, she shrugged before running down the path.

"Almost there, almost there, almost there..." Luz muttered to herself as she approached the second platform. Taking a break to catch her breath, she looked around and saw that there seemed to be another spotlight like before shining down in the middle of the platform. Blinking in surprise, she slowly walked towards it.

Be careful. The closer you are to the light...the larger your shadow becomes.

Luz froze in shock before glancing back and spotting the elongated shadow that was attached to her feet. Summoning her rod, she began to draw another glyph in the air only to let out a grunt as an invisible force slammed into her gut and sent her flying backwards. Skidding to a halt, she opened her eyes when she realized her head was not lying on anything. Shooting up into an upright position, she glanced back and realized that she was almost sent flying off the platform.

Climbing back up to her feet, she watched as her shadow disconnected itself and rose from the platform's surface while transforming into a giant, hulking behemoth. Eyes wide, mouth hanging wide open, Luz almost dropped the magic rod in shock, but she quickly tightened her hold on it.

Don't be scared though. You have the power-

"Yeah yeah, 'I have the power to defeat it, blah blah,' Hush! I'm trying to concentrate on this boss fight so I don't get crushed!" Luz shouted in anger while holding the rod with both hands. Seeing the behemoth staring down at her, she quickly drew five small ice glyphs in the air and activated them which sent five ice spears straight at it. The behemoth swiped its arm down and smashed straight through them with ease. Wincing, Luz quickly ducked under another swipe and ran inbetween its legs to get behind it.

"Light spell!" Luz shouted as she drew a light glyph. Before she could activate it, she stumbled and fell to the ground as it smashed its fist into the platform. "Ughhh...stupid monster thing..." Luz grumbled before pulling her head up.

Glaring up at the creature, she tried to think of what to do before remembering something that she's done before. Looking down at her rod, she saw a small light shining at its tip. Pushing down on the platform as she stood back up, she began running around the platform while dodging the behemoth's swipes and punches. With a few close shaves, she smiled as she jumped onto its fist when it slammed it back onto the platform.

"Take this! Ice spell!" Luz shouted as she used the behemoth's momentum to send herself high into the air and right outside the glyph's area. Activating her rod, she watched as the glyph lit up before a huge pillar of ice shot out beneath the behemoth and sent it flying high into the void. Looking down, Luz flinched as she saw that there was now a massive hole in the platform. Sighing in relief, she de-summoned the magic rod and waited for the voice to say something...only to trip.

Straight into the hole.

"Ahhhhh!!!!"

[habibialkaysani]

Touch (Laurel/Nyssa; T) - Earth-∞

Ships: Laurel/Nyssa

Summary: Laurel and Nyssa. Dinah and Amina. Green Arrow and the Black Canary. Daredevil and the Black Sky. The Flash and Vibe.

Across the multiverse, they go by many names, surrounded by different people at different times in their lives. But there is one golden link between the Dinah Laurel Lances and Nyssa Raatkos across the infinite earths - that they always find each other. And every time, their story starts with a single touch.

A/N: Okay! So this one is actually long in the making. I have long since loved the idea of Lauryssa on multiple earths, and then I got talking about a few of these earths with @nyssalance​ and this thing kinda snowballed.

Each chapter of this takes place on a different earth, and bar the prologue, everything stands alone on its own. For each chapter I will be putting a summary of who's who, because I've done a fair few switcheroos. :)

Read at AO3 

(In which Laurel is the Flash, assisted by genius engineer and best friend Iris West. With an appearance - of sorts - from Nyssa as Vibe.)

 “This is so cool!”

 Despite herself, it seemed, Iris West’s voice in her ear was clearly one holding back a laugh. “Laurel, you know I love you to pieces, but we need to work on your definition of ‘cool’.”

After zooming into the burning apartment and landing a couple of old ladies unceremoniously on the grass to safety, Laurel said, “Okay, but you know what I mean, right? Come on. The two of us, saving the world, just like we’ve always wanted.”

 “That part is cool,” Iris admitted. “But still - a little on the nose when you’ve just come out of a house that is literally on fire, don’t you think?”

 Laurel chuckled. “Nothing I can’t handle, I’m sure.”

 “Don’t get ahead of yourself just yet.”

 “I think I have everyone out of the building now,” Laurel said. “Iris, do you know how I could put out the fire?”

 “Theoretically, yes, but -”

 “But what? Come on. This is why we make such a good team - I run, you nerd.”

 “And that’s really cute, Laurel, but you’ve never put out a fire before. I’m not even sure my way would work. You should wait for the fire services to come and -”

 “What’s the point in me having super speed if I can’t really help people, Iris?”

 “You have helped people. You just got a whole bunch of people out of a fire. But you’re not invincible. You don’t want to overdo it. Especially if you’re out of your depth.”

 “I’m not out of my depth,” Laurel said - and some part of her knew she was being stupidly stubborn, but she could feel the adrenaline pumping in her blood, the lightning in her veins, and knew this wasn’t over yet. “Look, I have to try, right? At least until the emergency services get here? I can do this, Iris. Talk me through it. Please.”

 A sigh. Then, Iris said in a resigned voice, “Okay. But the first sign of anything going wrong, you’re gonna get your ass out of there. Understood?”

 Laurel grinned. “As fast as I can.” With a flash of lightning Laurel was running into the building once more, avoiding the flames mostly with ease. “Okay. I’m inside. What do I need to do?”

 “You need to use your arms to create wind funnels, okay? Suck all the oxygen out of the room, and that will put the fire out.” Iris hesitated, then added, “Theoretically.”

 “On it,” Laurel said, undeterred by the doubts she could hear in the back of her mind and in her ear. But to her horror, the flames didn’t go out - if anything they intensified. “It’s not - working!”

 “Get out of there, then,” Iris said instantly, but the panic that was now in Laurel’s ear took over and stopped Laurel from moving at all.

 The fastest woman alive - paralysed with shock.

 “Laurel? Did you hear me? Get out of there! Or - I don’t know - try funnelling the other way! Laurel!”

 The ceiling, already aflame, was falling apart. A chandelier wobbled dangerously just above her head, in a way that would have been comical if it was happening to a cartoon character, rather than right now to Laurel in Flashtime, one excruciating eternity after another. Iris’s voice was slowing, fading, and Laurel was kicking herself, unable to believe she had been so reckless and would die in such a needless and entirely preventable way.

 It was strange. In spite of her (relatively new) night job, she hadn’t really thought about herself dying. Not really. Not except in the fleeting, faraway sense, a possibility rather than an inevitability.

 Iris was right. Laurel was convinced she was invincible, even though she wasn’t.

 But now, with her sister’s face swimming before her mind’s eye, then Iris’s - she knew she wouldn’t have been able to picture anyone else in a moment like this. It was this feeling of resigned acceptance that calmed her, in some unbelievable way, stilled her racing heart, making her move in slow motion -

 She could move again.

 She wasn’t going to die. The realisation hit her as surely as the lightning that returned home to her limbs where it belonged, and Laurel began to run in earnest, remembering Iris’s words to her when they first discovered her speed: “Run, Laurel. Run.”

 And run Laurel did, for her life, which she wasn’t going to give up without a fight - she couldn’t, but she was in a burning building that was about to collapse on top of her one flaming storey at a time and even the fastest woman alive, it seemed, was unable to outrun the doorway that fell in on itself. She looked around desperately, searching for another exit, but she could barely see through smoke. She looked down at her hands, horrified as the gloves she wore began to burn away, along with her suit, and she knew her own skin would be next -

 But then, unbidden, at the last possible second, Laurel felt a hand close around her wrist. There was a tug, a flash of blue, as Laurel clung on to her saviour’s hand for dear life. And it was as hot skin touched cold sweat, bruised knees hitting solid and mercifully dry ground, that her life and a multitude of others flashed before their eyes.

 And in that single moment, everything changed.

[atopearth]

Chrono Cross Part 3 - The Destroyed Future & Song of Hope

It's kinda crazy that the Masamune is there blocking the way to the Dead Sea. It's saddening that it's some kind of evil sword that makes people go crazy when they go near it or wield it. It seems that only the dragon sword Einlanzer can break the seal of the Masamune. I see, the Einlanzer is given to the most gifted Acacia Dragoon, so Garai had it first, then Dario, and probably Glenn in the future. I always found Radius and Garai's story saddening, mainly because it was really normal. Normal for Radius to have been envious of Garai and wanting to best him, and thus seeking the Masamune, but saddening that it ended up consuming him and amplifying his negative emotions which ended up with him killing Garai. It's an unforgivable act that he can never live with, but nevertheless something he's forced to live with for the rest of his life. I wonder if Dario and Glenn know...

I've always loved the music in Dead Sea, I think it really suits the atmosphere, like that weird quirky and mysterious feeling. Anyway, I love how the treasure chest containing Freefall kinda gives you a literal freefall back to the beginning lmao. Arris Dome?? These ruins are Arris Dome?? It's kinda saddening to know of the fate of the Acacia Dragoons here...to think that they all died here in captivity is rather terrible. I love how there's that Enertron helping you recover your HP etc that says you rejuvenated everything but you're still hungry, it's just like in Chrono Trigger🤣 OMG, that broken bell at the place you see Miguel is Nadia's bell?! The bell the king named after Marle at the end of Chrono Trigger?! Btw, I'm honestly shocked that the kids Serge see running around are actually Crono, Lucca and Marle. And I find it absolutely terrible that it says Nadia's bell will never be heard again. This was not what I wanted after the nice happy ending of Chrono Trigger! If...Serge is the one that will cause this destructive future, it's pretty saddening to hear it from our previous main characters that we're the ones killing it after they tried so hard to save it from Lavos before... The Dead Sea culminates all of the futures that were eliminated, the ones that shouldn't exist... Nothing is really "living" here and the things that are here never age. Just like Miguel who has been here for 14 years... I feel so sorry for Leena though, her father is here alive, but she'll never see him again... I know Wazuki had no choice but to come here to stay away from the storm that night, and try to save the wounded Serge, but his insistence on going further into the Dead Sea ended up having Miguel stuck here for so so long... All the destroyed possibilities that will never happen because of the choices we didn't make all end up here..? Fate is what predetermines it all, controlling us and knowing everything. Is this basically like our "save point", the Record of Fate? The thing that knows everything, dictates whatever you do if you want to "live" and basically controls whatever you do because if you don't want to go on the "wrong path", you need to follow it, and if you don't want to be forgotten, you must record down your journey on it?? I wonder if staying here for so long has made Miguel think that there's no such thing as overturning fate and doing your own thing... He's been stuck here for so long, who knows if it's fate for him to be here forever or if it's his lack of choice and willingness causing him to be stuck here...Or he knew that it was his fate to die here so that Serge can "fix" everything. I honestly hate how Serge has to kill Miguel to restore the dimensional distortion..it's just so saddening that not only was Miguel stuck here all this time by himself, but he had practically assimilated himself into the Dead Sea so much that killing him was practically inevitable imo. When Miguel started talking about how Crono and them saved the world from Lavos back then, travelling through the different ages, it felt so weird to think about it because Chrono Trigger and Chrono Cross feel like completely different worlds haha. I'm still baffled at how saddening of an existence the Dead Sea is though, it's literally everything "useless" brought into one place, everything that's unneeded in this world... The Sky Dragon saving them from the Dead Sea always felt random though, like was he watching over them all this time or something?

Kinda crazy to finally go back to Another World only to find that Lynx with Serge's body is creating such rampage across the land that people such as those in Arni Village are hiding in a shelter. Omgg, I completely forgot that the Dragon head skull in Fossil Valley is actually Draggy's mother!! I wonder if Skelly talked to her during the time he was there lol. Termina has been taken over by the Porre military in this world now too... Sad that our previous friends such as Guile can't recognise Serge in Lynx's body but that's understandable. I'm glad Karsh, Zoah and Marcy saved General Viper (at Fort Dragonia) though! He's not really a bad person at all. He just wanted the power to protect his people against Porre and stuff. It's kinda saddening yet sweet that if you have Home World Zappa in your party, he shows such relief at Karsh being alive and tells him to go see his mother to show her that he's well. It's...saddening that even though Karsh is his kid, this Karsh isn't really his kid at the same time... Omgg! So all along, it was that hopscotch kid outside the house (top left Termina) called Kein who was giving the little girl in the house the Drakehorn soup ingredients to heal her cough so that she can get better and then play with him! It was obvious that he actually wanted a friend even though he kept saying he didn't need friends, but I didn't realise how sweet he was to do that for their family, it's so wholesome and cute. It was honestly pretty hurtful to hear Glenn seem to know that Lynx is Serge but is unable to accept or face us because he can't take Lynx's face. I was pretty sad. On the other hand, damn those kids at the smithy have such complicated love relationships and everything! John the guy training outside has his girlfriend Annie supporting him all the time, but the girl Marina inside who has been trying to stop the two brothers from fighting all this time since the beginning of the game actually likes John! The funny thing is that the two brothers both like Marina and got rejected at the same time after she told them she actually likes John lol, kinda cute how one of them tells you to leave them alone and the other one is adamant on winning Marina's heart eventually. It's kinda cute how it basically sorta reflects how Dario and Glenn kinda were as kids. They both loved each other as brothers with Glenn respecting his big brother and Dario caring for Glenn, but I guess the difference is that even though they both liked Riddel, the one Riddel liked was Dario, so Glenn never had a chance. He was always second to Dario in terms of swordsmanship or the woman he loved I guess, it's pretty saddening.

Lmao when we go save Riddel and the dragoon that's been sleeping since the beginning of the game is still sleeping there LOL. Even the Porre soldiers are like whatever because they can't wake him up hahahah. That mutated cockroach boss though, so disgusting yet cute LOL. Hahaha Fargo was trapped here?! I can't believe they've been using and manipulating Orcha for so long with those whatever seeds that make his dark side come out. They even made him steal the Dragon's Tear from Guldove! That's so horrible... I'm so happy that Norris is such a good guy though. He didn't like how Riddel was being treated just to get info about her father, and he even helps her escape! It's just saddening that his superiors suck. It's hilarious how the Porre soldiers don't shoot you in battle, they literally just whack you with their guns lmao. Grobyc is as cool as usual, I mean, he's a killing machine but he's pretty cool to have his own thoughts and decide to join Serge because they're strong and don't just listen to the Porre military. Running away from that other machine wasn't scary since it was so weak, but dang are the Porre soldiers and everything persistent. Loved it when the guy that watches over the dragons let them all out to stampede the soldiers hahahha. Everyone is so helpful, it's sweet. Aww it was so cute when Marcy so sincerely apologised to Serge and he patted her head in response!! That was so sweet! So cute Harle picked a fight with Marcy to cheer her up though. Serge honestly doesn't say anything much, so sometimes it's difficult to gauge what he's thinking, but when he heard Kid outside wreaking havoc at Hermit's Hideaway trying to find Lynx, you could tell how much he cared about her that he instantly ran out to see her. Gotta love how Polly and Fargo save the day (since we were surrounded by Dark Serge's forces). It's really sweet yet heart wrenching to see Serge reminiscing about his memories with Kid and how now that he's Lynx, she's intent on killing him, it's just terrible to see the person that you cherish and love want to kill you because of your appearance... I feel sorry for Harle though, she likes Serge for the person that he is, but he'll never like her, and she can only watch over him for the limited time she has to spend with him... She's really cool for encouraging him all the time though. It's so sad that she has to leave no matter what you say to her though. I always get Serge to choose the world over her, but sometimes I wonder if it only hurts her more to hear that from Serge since she knows it's a lie... It's actually really cute how well assimilated the Dragoons are on the S.S. Invincible now btw hahaha, I mean, Karsh acting as Riddel's personal bodyguard near the pirate fanboy of hers is so funny hahahah.

I love visiting the sleeping Dragoon in Viper Manor, it's so cute how he now says come back soon everyone in his sleep LOL. He could probably sleep through the Acacia Dragoons coming to get their manor back lol. Ohh, Norris and them are leaving to go back to the mainland! Anyway, time for more side quests (which are the highlight of this game!) and getting the relics from the dragons to get through to the Sea of Eden! Aww young Glenn, Karsh and Dario are so cute! Glenn being a glutton who loves Viper Churros is so adorable lol! I had an inkling of it, but it's kinda crazy, even Karsh liked Riddel ever since he was a kid! I guess it's understandable, she's a really sweet person, and she seems fun too. It's just too bad there's only one of her, and her and Dario seem great together considering how much they both care for each other and go around together on little adventures. I feel so stupid right now... Solt and Peppor are called the Shaker Brothers because they're salt and pepper shakers!!! LOL, it somehow never clicked to me!! Hahaha. On the other hand, it's kinda saddening that Karsh's story with Dario is really similar to Radius and Garai. It's just that as Radius wanted power that Garai had, Karsh wanted Riddel's love that Dario had. I hope we get to see the full story soon! I guess it'll be shown when we see Dario? It's good that Karsh's story didn't end in tragedy like Radius' did. On the other hand, I'm glad that Solt and Peppor could feel and understand that Karsh isn't a bad person and wouldn't kill Dario like that. 

I'm so silly! Of course the best way to convince Fargo was to get Another World Fargo to talk some sense into him! It's kinda saddening but interesting to see how different Fargo is if he were stuck in the past or if he was able to move on. At least though, regardless of which Fargo it is, he still loves Zelbess just as much. Needless to say, but Magical Dreamers really describes Nikki and them well. I love how they showed the story of Fargo and Zelbess through their musical play, where Zelbess saved Fargo and taught him the song of Marbule. It was really sweet to see Nikki and Miki show the boundless and selfless love they had for each other and the world around them, because the reason Zelbess left her mermaid friends etc was because even though it was peaceful there, she didn't want to selfishly live in peace there whilst the world around them was at war. She and Fargo dreamed of a world where humans like Fargo and demi-humans like her could get along and love each other for who they are. I think it would have been so beautiful if they could see it together, but since that's not possible anymore, I hope Nikki and Marcy as their children will be able to create that world alongside Fargo, and everyone can find their happiness. It's really interesting how these Lagoonates are like the bad dream of the Black Dragon, and it is only through defeating them all that Serge can wake up the Black Dragon in Another World. Btw, I love love, super love the song! It's probably the most memorable part of Chrono Cross for me because it's what I look forward to the most every time I replay Chrono Cross! It's just so beautiful, hopeful and heartwarming to hear every single time. I love that we get it as the background song as we deal with the Lagoonates! I legit took my time with them because I just wanted to listen to the song lmao. It's so cool how the worlds are connected like that though~ I always found it so sweet that Miki really does love Nikki, it's so cute, I always hope that it'll work out for her. LMAO at the reaction of the people in Marbule when you defeat the Black Dragon, they're all like "don't kill me!" and they actually run away from you hahahaha. LOL at the Porre soldier staring at the treasure chest in a cell, and then when you take it, he's like where did it go?! Hahaha. Btw I know this is a stupid thing to care about, but I absolutely love the detail of having wet footsteps in the Viper Manor sewers! Seeing the water from every step you take is so cool! (Link for the song/play!)

I love the Earth Dragon Isle, it's so fun to go through the sand boil and blast the rockroaches down into the holes hahaha! It sounds so inhumane to do that though lol! I always thought the dragons were really nice to acknowledge Serge's will in wanting to change fate and defeat FATE, until I realised that they weren't really nice, but I can't remember what they wanted... I always found the Fire Dragon the cutest and the coolest looking! Omgg the Green Dragon is so annoying! Can't believe I had to kill so many monsters for it to come out, I always try my best to dodge them LOL. Okay, Sky Dragon looks the coolest! Definitely the big boss look hahahha. Lynx nearly died hahahah. Luckily I trapped UltraNova hehe~ Anyway, I've always loved Orlha's introduction, it's so cool how she single-handedly fended off the Porre soldiers from Guldove. It's kinda crazy how she gave Serge her precious sapphire brooch (family heirloom split in half with her twin sister) so that when he gets his body back, he can prove to her that that he really was Serge and is trustworthy enough for her to journey with him. I've always liked her for some reason even though I barely use her lol, maybe it's the twin tails hahahaha. Omggg, I wanted to feel sad over Dario and everything (since you're fighting him controlled by the Masamune right after reuniting with him), but wow, I remember he was a hard boss (that doesn't give a star!), but dang, he hits so hard! If I didn't steal those plates from the dragons to absorb the different elemental damages, Riddel probably would have died like ten times over. Even Miki died LOL. How does he do like 400 damage?! Crazy. Even Lynx was taking 200 damage and he has moonglasses! I was looking at the damage Riddel absorbed (with the Black plate equipped) and lmao, it was like 600 damage, literally double her life hahahah. The only time she died was when he attacked her and his three hits legit dealt like 500-600 damage alone lol. Anyway, I completely forgot that it was actually Dario who picked up the Masamune and was controlled by it, forcing Karsh to "kill" him as he fell off the cliff and washed off here. It must have really hurt when Dario told Karsh to kill him. It's kinda saddening to think about Dario and Riddel though. In Home World, Riddel is dead because she followed Viper and them to the Dead Sea where they were all consumed by the terminated time line, and in Another World, Dario is most likely dead. It's kinda crazy that they can still be together even though they're from different worlds though, it's such a beautiful love. On the other hand, I feel sorry for the maid that took care of the Dario with amnesia for 4 years, I feel like she liked him.. I think it's really cool how Dario is determined to rebuild the Viper Manor (Home World) now that everyone is dead/gone even if he's by himself. He's really a good guy. Btw, it's kinda interesting that Masamune is an evil sword here though, since in Chrono Trigger they seemed more like little kids who wanted some fun in their life? I guess they seem to be like that here too, it's just that somehow it got corrupted towards more evil stuff until Doreen (another soul in the sword?) comes to straighten Masa and Mune up? Anyway, I think it's so cool how Karsh and everyone else can rebuild the manor alongside Dario even if they're from a different world. Like Riddel said, despite the fact they're from different worlds, the fact remains that Dario is still Dario and she is still herself. Even if the ones in the Home World are dead, I'm glad Dario can still see the them from Another World.

I've always played Chrono Cross by relying on elements more than physical damage, but wow, when I fought the Criosphinx to get the sunglasses by just using Lynx, Fargo and Zoah to attack, spam imbecile, diminish and weaken, and spam heal whenever I needed to, it was actually pretty interesting. Very different to how I usually play haha! It was kinda boring though lol because I'm literally just healing and smacking the guy. But I guess it was worth it. Took a few tries though, because I was too lazy to buy some imbecile elements, but wow, lowering magic was veryyyy useful for this fight, weaken was good too, but imbecile was so much more important. We will soon get our original body back!! With the help of Steena and the Dragon Tear to navigate through Fort Dragonia in the Home World, it will be soon! But of course, Dark Serge interferes~ Anyway, he was pretty easy, the only hard thing was stealing the rainbow shell off him because I kept getting the trashy tiara instead zzz. Had to run away a couple of times but it was worth it! How...funny that in Chrono Trigger, we always deemed Lavos as the evil entity sucking up the energy of the planet and caused the destruction in 1999AD so we had to save the world from it, yet here in Fort Dragonia, when Serge is trying to get his body back, and it tells us the origin of life etc, after the "original people" came into contact with Lavos and became humans, we were in essence a progeny of Lavos, who like our progenitor began to devour the planet for our own means... Anyway, it's been so long, it feels weird to have Serge back lol. Ohh nice, we immediately get our previous team mates back! Now to get Orlha yay! Not that I'll use her though lol! The twin einlanzers are so cool!! Glenn can be like Garai now!! Still kinda sad that you don't get Dario in your party since I would love to have him and Riddel, especially since you can get so many people in this game!! Oh well, guess we can get Turnip LOL, can't believe I "grew" one of my party members at Hermit's Hideaway hahahaha. Anyway, Dario’s side quest and the one with Fargo/Nikki are probably my favourite side quests in this game and will always be. Fargo’s one presents a really beautiful story of dreams that people are still hoping to achieve now, and Dario’s presents nice youthful and loyal bonds of love and friendships. I just love seeing them and I probably love it more than the actual story itself haha. Can’t forget about Miguel though! He breaks my heart every time I get to his part because not only do i feel for the man himself, it also makes my heart break for the futures that never came about. Like, sure, any future is better than the destruction one, but in the one with destruction, there were likely people and children that never got to be together or born, but I guess that’s how it will always be when you make choices in your life.

[lexthemondo]

Dirty Dancing {1}

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Park Jimin; Radio-host!Yoongi; Fem!Yoongi; Translator!Jimin; Alternate-universe!AU; Non-Idol!AU.

Warnings: Language, mentions of smut, violence, transgender character, mentions of suicide, eating disorder, talks of mental health, mentions of self-harm, talks of racial discrimination; POLITICS

Other Notes: V-Hope, NamJin, Sana of Twice is in this story, SanKook, Lisa of Blackpink is in this as well, Liskook, Trans!Hoseok

Summary: Local radio talk show host, Min Yoongi, has been running from his past for years, but when his closest friend Jung Hoseok introduces him to a handsome translator from Korea, Yoongi thinks he might have found something- or someone- to run to.

Song of the chapter: You’re So Cool, Jonathan Bree

Word count: 3,507

“Now I’ve had the time of my life…”

Yoongi sang along happily, letting his eyes close slowly as the lyrics flew out of his mouth. His body slowly started grooving along to the music, and without a second thought, he got off the couch and started dancing along with Johnny and Baby. Yoongi twirled around the living room without a partner, and barely missed trampling his precious Holly by mere inches.  

“You’re the one thing, I can’t get enough of…”

Yoongi continued to sing as his not-so-perfect dance moves made him feel invincible. He was on cloud nine, and it wasn’t until something cold and wet splashed on his feet that Yoongi snapped out of his daze. He groaned loudly, Holly’s water bowl was upside down and the freshwater was now soaking his carpet. Yoongi ran a hand through his hair and looked at the tv to see that his favorite part of the movie was coming up. Baby ran as fast as she could towards Johnny, and his strong arms lifted her up into the sky. Yoongi sighed and looked at the floor. Holly was licking his foot.  

“Holly,” He said sadly, “You’re lucky you’re a dog. You don’t have to find someone who can beat 1980s, Patrick Swayze.”

He got a small whine in response. “I know girl,” Yoongi bent down and picked up the toy poodle, “They don’t make them like they used to.”

Yoongi walked back to the couch, completely ignoring the mess, and plopped down. Holly curled up in his arms while he finished watching the last few minutes. Dirty Dancing was easily Yoongi’s favorite movie, he could recite it word-for-word at this point, and even being a hopeless dancer, he managed to engrave the choreography in his mind. It was at the part where Johnny is mouthing the words of the song to Baby when his phone chimed making Holly let out a squeaky bark.

“Hush, it’s not the doorbell,” Yoongi scolded, mentally reminding himself to change his notification tone.

Hobi [11:43 PM] Bonjour hyung!

Yoongi smiled fondly at the screen. Hoseok had been his closest friend since middle school. The pair were never apart, and even when Hoseok had come out to Yoongi and told him of their gender crisis, Yoongi had never turned his back to Hoseok. They had formed a bond, and when Hoseok had fallen in love with a foreign man during college, Yoongi did not feel anger when the two of them did not see one another as often. If Hoseok was happy then so was Yoongi.

Me [11:44 PM] Salut. What’s up? I thought you were with Tae.

Hobi [11:46 PM] Oh, I still am! He’s such a dreamboat, hyung! Propre sur lui, charment, tres beaux.

Me [11: 49 PM] Are you just going to talk about Tae because I’d like to know how your doctor’s appointment went. I’m sorry for not being able to come. I had to finish my script for tomorrow night’s show.

Hobi [11:55 PM]

No worries! Well, the surgery is going to cost a shit ton of money which I was expecting. That’s not really a problem. I have the money for it. The weird thing is… the doctor was kind of rude once I told him that I didn’t want breast implants

Yoongi felt his ear heating up. Most doctors reacted the same way. Hoseok’s decision to keep their flat chest was a popular topic at their support groups and therapist office. To keep it frank, it pissed Yoongi off. He knew how much it hurt his friend when someone downplayed their gender identity solely because they did not want fake breasts. Hoseok had explained to Yoongi that they had thought about it and realized that it was a decision that they were very firm on. Hoseok did not want implants, not because they were confused or having second thoughts, but because they were a professional gymnast. Hoseok was constantly surrounded by muscular women who had a chest like their own. Of course, this did not stop the weird glances at them once they let this little fact about themselves be known.

Me [11: 58 PM] Did you tell him your view on that whole situation? Maybe he was trying to see if you were serious because of how expensive a vaginoplasty is?

Hobi [11:59 PM] No…kind of seemed like he didn’t take me seriously after that.

Me [12:01 AM] Are you for real? What the hell happened?

Hobi [12:03 AM]

Yeah. He went from being supportive to trying to talk me out of the procedure. I just told him I would go somewhere else.

Hobi [12:06 AM] It wasn’t a great feeling at all

Hobi [12:15 AM] Kind of like I wasn’t woman enough to be getting a sex change. He even commented on the fact that I’m still going by my “male” name. I had to share personal shit with the guy. Then he misgendered me twice and even said it was odd that I wanted a sex change even though I don’t go by female pronouns. Like dude what the fuck?

Yoongi stared at his phone and felt the heat from his ears spread across his entire body.

Hobi [12:17 AM] Anyway, Taehyung’s friend from Korea is coming to France for a few weeks and he wanted to know if you were down for dinner with us. From what I’ve seen of him, he’s super cute 😉

Me [12:19 AM] Are you seriously trying to set me up with some dude right after telling me about some fucking asshole treating you like garbage when he’s supposed to be helping you? Really Hobi? Are you okay?

Hobi [12:21 AM] Yeah, I’m great. I’m used to this kind of shit by now. I don’t completely blame the guy for being hesitant. It is a life-altering surgery. I won’t be able to go back afterward. I didn’t appreciate the comments about my sexuality or the misgendering, but my entire transition has been a wild ride for everyone involved. Even you. I promise you that I’m okay. I would’ve called you crying by now if not and we both know it lol. Are you coming or not?

Yoongi felt himself cooling down. His heart filled with adoration for the woman Hoseok had become. It had been a very confusing and hard journey to get where they are now, but Yoongi was so proud of his friend. Hoseok had gone from ‘Henri,’ the only other French-Korean kid in Dijon, to ‘Henri’ the “flaming gay” in middle school, and finally Hoseok, the professional gymnast in their woman’s league during their freshman year at university. Yoongi would always cherish those memories. Though they had been the hardest times of his life, and even harder for Hoseok, he would not change a single thing. Those were the days that gave him the most important person in his life.

Me [12:26 AM] Yeah, I’ll be there. Is it just me, you, Tae, and his allegedly cute friend?

Hobi [12:27 AM] Those are the definite ones, yes. Kook said him and Sana might drop by before they go back to Japan

Me [12:29 AM] Great.

Hobi [12:31 AM] I’m not happy about it either. I don’t like her any more than you do, but Jungkook is Taehyung’s best friend and I’ll put up with her so they can see one another.

Me: [12:32 AM] I miss Lisa. Kook seemed happier, and he is miserable in Japan. Jungkook misses France. Jungkook misses Lisa. I wouldn’t be surprised if he snuck out to see her.

Hobi [12:34 AM] Everyone misses Lisa, hyung. If Kook’s willing to deal with Sana, then let’s let him be happy. We can’t bring up his ex every chance we get just because we don’t like Sana. But that doesn’t mean I’m not team Lisa all the way.

Hobi [12:37 AM] Oh, he hasn’t...yet. We did make reservations at the most wonderful Korean restaurant in town though. Who knows, maybe a certain Kim Namjoon’s little cousin will be waiting tables... and our table just might be in her section as told to me by the uncle’s husband himself. Apparently, Lisa got a phone call last night and ran out during closing. I think she was running after her white rabbit.

Me [12:38 AM] Team Lisa > Team Sana

Me [12:47 AM] I do love Jin’s lamb skewers. I don’t know Hobi. That seems like we’re stepping over certain boundaries. Jungkook is a grown man. He’s not our little bunny boy anymore. You know that. Whatever is going on between him and Lisa is between them. Sana is his girlfriend. I don’t like her, I don’t think I ever will, and you just said you were going to play nice. All this is going to do is stress out Kook, piss off Sana, and really hurt Lisa. So, please don’t make her wait our table and give Sana another reason to keep Jungkook as far away from Dijon as possible.

Hobi [12:40 AM] I hate it when you’re reasonable. Look, I understand that and all, but Sana is hardly a girlfriend. Kook doesn’t even smile when she’s around. I don’t want them together. I want him to dump her and get his head back on and get with the most perfect girl. I’m going to make this happen Yoongi, one way or another I always get my way. Anyway, I’m tired. What are you talking about tomorrow? Make sure to message me when you’re about to start. You’re my only source of entertainment when Tae’s at work. Get some sleep, you need it. No more all-nighters. Thanks for being wonderful and supportive. Don’t worry about me so much! I love you~~~~~~ niiiiiight!

Me [12:41 AM] I know you’re trying to help him, but please just let Jungkook figure these things out on his own. I’ll talk to him if that’ll make you feel better... just don’t put Lisa through that. You know how she feels about him and seeing him there with a supermodel on his arm is going to destroy her. Do you really think Jungkook deserves Lisa after all he did? Do I miss them? Yes, but I understand that everything changes. Let her move on and let Jungkook become an adult on his own. We’re talking political parties and shit. Namjoon’s idea. It’s about as exciting as watching paint dry. You’re going to pass out within the first two minutes. Sadly, I don’t have a funny or entertaining story to tell, and Joon really wants any excuse to rag on the communist party. I don’t blame the guy, but I hate talking about the same shit repeatedly. I’ll text you. I’m out of my pills and melatonin doesn’t work. Not a problem. I’ll always worry about you. You too. Night.

Yoongi tossed his phone on the coffee table in front of him. Not even flinching when the impact made a loud clang. Holly jumped, suddenly startled, and hid her face in the crook of Yoongi’s neck. He laughed, although he didn’t make a sound, and began to soothe his puppy.

“It’s alright Holly,” He said, lightly stroking her curly hair, “It’s nothing. I’ll protect you from the vicious sound demons. I promise.”

Then, without a second of hesitation, Holly turned her head and gave Yoongi a big lick on the mouth.

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“Good show tonight,” Yoongi said, flipping his hair behind his shoulders in search for a rubber band. “I can’t say the same for my hair, though. I have to go to dinner with Hoseok and Tae tonight, they’re trying to hook me up with some rando.”

“Tragic,” Najoonn replied, raising an eyebrow and picking up his duffel bag from off the floor.

“Cool it with the whole ‘being an asshole’ thing you got going on,” Yoongi looked at Namjoon and then the coffee cup in his hand, and then back again, “What’s the matter? You’re not usually this pissy.”

“Fucking Jin. He keeps on saying that Jungkook and Lisa are getting back together. It’s pissing me off. The guy is in Japan with some model now. Lisa was just starting to get back to normal and now I hear this prick is coming for a visit. I don’t get it. If he doesn’t want to be with Lisa, then why won’t he leave her alone?”

Yoongi pursed his lips and looked at the ground. He was not sure how to respond. He loved Namjoon dearly, and Lisa as well, but picking sides was not his style. He knew that Jungkook had hurt Lisa, which in turn, turned half of their old group against him, but Yoongi was aware of Lisa’s faults as well. He was a bad listener, but she was a control freak. When Lisa would make a mistake, Jungkook would be uncontrollably angry, but when the roles were reversed, she was spiteful. They were not picture-perfect, but for every bad thing that had ever happened at least a hundred, good things did. They were happy until the very end. Until Jungkook abruptly ended things and moved to Japan. Until he was on the cover of magazines. Until he was with Sana.

“Joon, look,” Yoongi began, finally finding his hair tie and wrapping his hair up haphazardly. “Lisa and Kook are grown, and for your information, it wasn’t just your husband making all this planning. Who do you think put the bug in his ear?”

Namjoon rolled his eyes and wiped his hand down his face, “Hoseok.”

“Bingo. Don’t worry, we’ve been talking about this for the past three days. I convinced them to let me handle the situation and just talk to Jungkook. I just want to see where his mind’s at. They’re just trying to help.”

“Help?” Namjoon stood up hastily, fumbling a bit, his cigarettes falling out of his lap. “Do they think any of this is going to be good for my baby cousin? No, of course not. All they care about is Jungkook and how he feels. He left Lisa. He hurt her. Why are they so worried about him when he’s a rich model with a rich model girlfriend?”

“Because he’s miserable, Joon.” Yoongi replied.

Namjoon’s expression fell. Yoongi could almost hear the “you may speak now” when he looked into his friend’s eyes. Namjoon was getting defensive, and when he gets defensive there is nothing you can do but let him get it out and move on. If you do not leave it alone, then he becomes excited and angry, a real hot-head, and when it is all over, he will not speak to you for at least two weeks. Luckily for Yoongi, however, he and Namjoon work together every day. He could not escape him even if he wanted to.

“I know Lisa is your cousin, I get it. You need to remember that you used to be the one that would talk to Jungkook when he was down. You were his favorite. He looked up to you like a God. You were the big brother he never had and the father he always wanted. He is miserable. Miserable enough to call Lisa the first night he gets to Dijon to meet with him. Miserable enough to come back home knowing that his best friend hates him. Miserable enough to sit at a table with half of the people he cares about not there because of him. Jungkook is not happy, and Sana is nothing more than a distraction. You know that as much as I do.

“I agree with you, Joon. Lisa deserves so much better and I have tried time and time again to reach out to her, but she won’t answer my calls. You and Jin are the only two people who she speaks to, she avoids us like the plague and didn’t even have the decency to tell Hoseok she wanted to switch gyms until the last minute when she knew they needed her for competition. But the second Jungkook is in town she drops everything she’s going to see him. She is a grown woman. I’m mad at them both. Stop making the boy feel guilty for breaking up with someone.”

“Lisa is not ‘just someone’ Min Yoongi,” Namjoon picked up his cigarettes, slung his duffel bag over his shoulder, and walked away, roughly shoulder swiping Yoongi on his way out. “Have a nice time at dinner. Hope your new boy toy doesn’t end up like the last.”

“Go fuck yourself,” Yoongi replied, but the door was already slamming shut.

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Yoongi checked his appearance in the car mirror once again. His hair had been tied up to hide how awful it looked after wearing a beanie for the entire show, and he was still skeptical of his makeup. He never did the best job when he was angry. After touching up his eyebrows and mascara that he had put on that morning before going to work, he lightly concealed his under eyes and the small acne scars that dotted his cheekbones, powdered, and applied a generous amount of lip gloss to his lips. He was nervous that the small light in his car was deceiving him into thinking he looked better than he did, but it was too late to fix anything. He was already running late.

He stumbled out of his truck, ankles almost giving out and he could not figure out if it was a bad hop or the heels, he picked out specifically so he would not bust his ass.

“Of course, I fall,” He said to himself, “I should know that always happens when I try to look cool.”

He knew Hoseok was there the second he walked in. He did not have to see them to know they were there. That laugh was distinct and the Korean flying out of their mouth only solidified that fact. He followed the sounds to a little booth in the back of the restaurant, a small divider giving the party some privacy. Yoongi gave it to Jin, at least they would not bother the entire restaurant…hopefully.

“Hyung!” Taehyung exclaimed, his smile widening in a cute box shape, and it reminded Yoongi just how boyish he was. “You’re here!”

“I said I was coming, didn’t I?” Yoongi replied, finding a seat at the floor table.

“Well, you were late so I wasn’t sure you would show up.” Hoseok added, giving Yoongi a dirty look.

“Don’t look at me like that. I can’t control traffic or Namjoon’s bitch fits at the end of the day. I’m sorry I fucked with you OCD, though.”

“Geez,” Hoseok rolled their eyes, “What was his problem this time?”

“The whole Jungkook situation. He got pissed off that I was coming to dinner with you guys even though Kook would be here. Things escalated from there. He brought him up, too.”

“He did what?” Hoseok’s eyes widened, and slammed their drink on the table, “Are you serious? That bastard.”

“Eh, this is Joon we’re talking about. The most melodramatic person on the planet. It’s no biggie. Anyway,” Yoongi looked around, “where’s this ‘attractive’ friend of yours, Tae?”

“Oh, he went out for a smoke. He should be back in a minute.”

“You’re hooking me up with a smoker? Really? That’s gross.”

“Smoking is the dirtiest thing that boy does,” Hoseok defended, “Just give him a chance. Jimin’s your type. Small, fair, funny, sweet, and his butt is nice. He used to be a dancer before becoming a translator for advertising companies in Seoul and let me tell you… you’re going to change that tone when you see him.”

“See who?” Someone suddenly piped, making Yoongi flinch and turn his head.

He turned around and there he was. The small, fair, funny, sweet, dancing angel. His lips were full and plush, his nose small and slightly flat, but still buttoned enough to frame his face, his eyes shined a warm, chocolate brown, and his hair was a charcoal black. His skin almost glowed and not a single imperfection was insight. Yoongi suddenly felt very insecure. He was hyperaware of the coffee stains on his pants and the fact that he was wearing a five-year-old thrift store shirt with small holes in certain spots, while Jimin was dressed to the nines in the most casual way possible, black jeans, a black button-up, and some worn black dress shoes.

“Oh!” He exclaimed, and Yoongi melted at the sound of his voice, “Pardon me. I’m Jimin Park. You must be Yoongi. Hoseok has told me so much about you.”

Yoongi almost laughed out loud at the awful accent Jimin had when he spoke French, but simply smiled and shook his hand.

“I speak Korean. Don’t worry, it takes a lot more than going out for a smoke break to get me worked up.” 

He was shocked, the words falling from his lips completely backtracking from what he has just told Hoseok.Yoongi could only imagine the shit-eating grin on their face right now. I told you so. Yes, yes you did, he thought.

Jimin sighed and returned the smile, “You know, those two kept trying to tell me that you were cute, but they didn’t do the best job at explaining just how cute you actually, are.”

[the-marvel-imagines-blog]

Madness | Chpt. 26

Chapter Title: “The Greatest Failure”

Pairing: Loki x Original Female Character (Eva)

Word Count: 12,324

Warnings: Fluffy, Big Brother Hjalmar, angst, fluff, just general feelings

Name Pronunciations: Hjalmar: “He-all-mar” | Aaldir: “All-deer” | Ephinea: “Eh-fin-ee-uh”

Summary: Aurora.

A/N: Thank you all so, so, so much for reading <3

Tagged: @teddyboobear @alledeglyfunny @xletmetaste-yoursmilex @itsknife2meetu @mynameisyara @j-j-ehlby-writes @jillilama-blog (anyone who wants to be tagged can message me and ask. It’s not a problem at all)

We were nearing her first nameday, but Aurora had already grown significantly. At only a few months old, she was running around as if she were a child, and after almost an entire year, it seemed as if we were preparing to celebrate her 12th nameday instead of her first. While Asgardians had a much different youth than humans, we tended to age much slower; however, our youth passed us by just as quickly until we reached our later “teen” years. Then, the process would slow to a crawl. Everyone who knew of her existence-my father, Hjalmar, Sif, Ephinea, Heimdall, Thor, and Frigga-had all tried to make reason of her strange aging pattern. The accelerated nature of it worried me because I couldn’t bear to outlive her. I refused to live a single day without her. It was a discussion that plagued many of my conversations with Heimdall, who spoke of the possibility that the occurrence could have been linked to the nature of her birth. She had been kissed by death but was given the essence of life, which could have caused her to age abnormally. Still, I couldn’t think of it for too long without the unknown nature of it bringing about sorrow.

I sat beneath the tree of life and death, watching her run through the tall grass of the meadow surrounding it, her raven hair flowing behind her. It was wild and untamed, just as her father’s had once been. She reminded me of him more and more each passing day. Each time she laughed, I could hear him. She looked at me with the same admiration that he once had. She would sit with me beneath the tree and allow me to braid her wild hair back, and all the while, she would sing to me the same beautiful melodies that only Loki and I had known. There was something within her that just knew him, and I loved her all the more for it. She latched onto every single story I told her, and she was never afraid to ask questions about him, her vocabulary being just as colorful and beautiful as his had been.

After a few weeks of me discovering motherhood, Thor and Ephinea sat down to tell me what had transpired with Loki. They told me everything from the devious plotting and the betrayal to the madness that seemed to swallow him. I didn’t believe a single word of it until Thor allowed me to look into his mind and see his last memories of my trickster. The man I saw was nothing like the man I knew. He was crazed-thirsty for power and control. He was desperate, and it pained me to see the man I cared so deeply for in such a light. That wasn’t the Loki I loved for a millenia. The man in Thor’s memory was a stranger, and Aurora would never know of him. Instead, I told her often about her father, the man I fell in love with, the man who whispered words of love and support directly to my soul, the man I knew Loki was.

She was exactly what I imagined. Her fair skin held only the smallest imperfections-a light dusting of freckles across her nose and cheeks that matched the pattern of my own. However, while I was often self-conscious because of mine when Loki wasn’t around to silence those insecurities, I saw those same imperfections as some of the most glorious, beautiful pieces of my daughter. They made her all the more beautiful. Her eyes became even more vibrant in the months following her birth. It was like I could see the very essence of life in her eyes. When I looked into them, I saw myself reflected in them, and I felt invincible. I felt like the woman she saw me as. In her eyes, I witnessed a version of myself that I never had before. I was her hero. I was her strong foundation, and she looked at me as if I were the most powerful force in all the universe. She looked at me like I was the most beautiful part of every day, like I was the sun that lit up her world, and I saw her in the same light. We shared the deepest connection possible, and Frigga noted that it was likely due to the gift I had given her.

She was feral, just as I had hoped for. She was a princess by right, but she had a wildness about her. Instead of descending the stairs of our home, she would find herself swinging off the railings and jumping down to the ground floor of the cottage before bursting out the door and running through the woods. She had a wild spirit within her that brought me back to my youth, a wildness that shone in her eyes. She climbed trees and made friends with the animals in the forest. Whenever she called out to Eldfinn, the wolf with eyes that matched the fire in his soul, he came to her. He was a massive beast-much like the ones I often made friends with-and donned a coat that danced with the colors of a fire long dead-blacks and greys-but his eyes were truly captivating with hints of gold, red, and orange mixing together. She called him her “wandering fire” and named him thus.

She wasn’t lacking human contact, but her wild nature came from her constant need to explore. The only restrictions I had for her were that she wasn’t to leave my sight without me, and she wasn’t to leave the forest no matter what. I knew what Odin would do with her if he learned of her existence, so I kept her hidden with me. He would never know of her. He would never know her face or her name because if he did, he would try to take her from me. She would be charged with the crimes of her father, and I would commit the greatest treason. I would spill blood in the throne room, and I didn’t feel guilty saying it. If anyone tried to take her from me, they would be met with fire. She was my secret, a treasure that didn’t belong to anyone, not the world...not even me. She was as free as the wind that blew through her hair. She blossomed like the life around her.

The mornings were met with beautiful songs because of her. Even though I would often find my way outside in the early hours of the morning to sing to the trees, Aurora had woken up every morning before the sun rose over the horizon, and she stood outside, watching the horizon through the trees. The moment before the sun peeked over the horizon, she would begin her sweet call, a melody that awoke the day. It was like she brought about the very dawn itself, singing out the song that the bright star knew, a song she seemed to be born with the knowledge of. In those early hours, when the world was just waking up, life blossomed in her presence. The flowers bloomed, the birds sang their sweetest songs, and the branches of the trees seemed to dance in tandem with her airy melody.

Upon finishing the crown of flowers and leaves I had been constructing for her as I sat beneath the tree her father and I fell in love beneath, I gazed back over at her, watching as the dress Frigga had made for her rippled in the light breeze. She looked like a little princess. She was the girl I used to be. She worried about nothing. She feared nothing except the occasional storm that would leave her crawling into bed with me, nestling her body as close to mine as possible until she fell asleep. She never slept during a thunderstorm unless she was with me, and that had been unchanging all throughout her life. She was the girl I missed, but that girl came to life in her eyes. She looked at me like I was still that girl, like she knew who I was deep down inside, “Aurora!” I called out to her, catching her lighthearted gaze with my own. I gestured her over to me, watching every move she made as she pranced over to sit between my legs, her back facing me. She knew exactly what I was requesting.

Setting the crown of flowers onto the ground beside me, I picked up the brush and raked it through her hair, careful to not hurt her. She was strong but sensitive all at once. She felt the pain, but she rarely voiced her discomfort. I could vividly remember every scrape, scratch, bruise, and cut she received from playing too hard, and she would shrug it off. I knew that they were painful because as I transferred them over to myself, they would sting, and I couldn’t imagine how amplified that was for a child. Gently brushing through her raven black hair, I envisioned my Loki again. This was something we partook in countless times over the millennia we were together. He would sit in front of me, his back facing me, and I would brush his hair and braid it back to give me a better view of that beautiful visage, features Aurora seemed to inherit. She reminded me of the gentleness I saw in Loki, and I found myself shedding tears at the moments of remembrance. She would say something or do something-the light could catch her in just the right way-and it would remind me of her father, a man I still felt inexplicably connected to. It was like the flame in my heart didn’t die out like I thought it would if he made the journey before me, which he did.

Once every tangle was brushed from her hair, I braided two strands from her temples to meet at the back of her head where I tied them together with a blue ribbon that matched Loki’s eyes. Her hair was long, reaching the middle of her back. She liked to keep it long after I told her how fond her father had been of my long hair. He would’ve been so impressed with her, so infatuated with every little thing she did. She would’ve been his light when I was unable to be. Dragging the brush through her hair once more to ensure the tangles were completely gone, mindful of the braids I had already created, her voice emerged from the silence, “do you think that we could perhaps...go into town today?” she asked, her voice just as soft and sweet as she was.

The question pained me each time she asked it, but it wasn’t because it was hard to hear, it was because of how hard my response was to formulate. She wasn’t allowed into the world outside for my fear that people would uncover the secret I had kept hidden away. She was a gift that I desired to share with the world, but it was a gift that could be tainted so quickly if people knew of her origin. It took some time for the Asgardians to see me as more than just another orphan girl. I had to prove myself, and my mistreatment ended in my youth when I began to blossom into a young woman. Loki, however, continued to suffer the mistreatment until people saw how taken we were by each other, which took much longer than I liked. People began to realize how willing I was to argue on his behalf, how offended I became when they spoke ill of him or toward him, how angry I was when they even looked at him the wrong way. They saw how deeply I loved him, and in time, their opinion of him changed. He was no longer cast aside as much, and the people began to love him when they saw how much he loved me.

Even though the people of Asgard came around, I saw how their actions and words had affected him in the centuries that followed. He didn’t feel worthy of anything he deemed to be good, and I was at the center of it. He looked at me as if I was an unattainable gift even when I promised my heart and soul to him. The words of others had torn him apart, and I was left picking up those pieces, trying to rebuild the boy I once knew, a boy who loved freely, a boy who sang to the trees with me, a boy who kissed me and didn’t feel ashamed of the blush that overcame his cheeks and nose, a boy who drowned out the world that said we weren’t meant for each other. He was a boy who knew his worth, but as we grew, he questioned it because of the years of being mistreated. I wouldn’t allow our daughter to experience the same thing. I wouldn’t allow them to prosecute her because of her father’s actions. I wouldn’t force upon her the pain of feeling unwanted, unloved, or unappreciated when her reality was so different in those woods. I stroked her hair back with my hand as she turned to face me, “oh, my sweet little wolf, you know you mustn’t explore the world outside this forest,” I murmured, pulling her closer to me.

“But why mustn’t I?” she asked that similar question. It was the one that always followed my insistence that she couldn’t travel into town with me. She often asked Hjalmar and my father, but they gave her the same answer, knowing that it was for the best that she remain a secret. Her big green eyes cut through me and shattered my heart, “Hjalmar and Grandfather get to explore all the time! You go out into the world all the time! Why is it that I’m kept hidden away in the forest? Why can’t I see the world as you do? Why am I not allowed to do as you do?”

I pressed a kiss to her forehead before nuzzling my face against hers, “you have no idea how badly I wish for you to be able to explore as much as you desire, Aurora. I want you to be as free as anyone else, but the world outside these woods can be cold and harsh. The people of Asgard won’t understand you,” I explained once more, sounding too much like my father.

“But they’ll never understand me if I’m locked away,” she replied, her voice filled with so much sorrow. Those words. I knew those words. I spoke those words as a child. I could vividly remember my burning desire to explore the villages outside the forest. I wanted to know what the world had in store for me, but my father kept me hidden away like I had done to Aurora. I remembered how devastating it was each time he would deny my request to venture too far from the house, how disheartened I would become when he would deny my request to go into town with him and Hjalmar. I had been kept a secret once, too, so the pain that came with it wasn’t lost on me. I knew what she was feeling because I felt it myself at one point. I had hoped for so long that I’d be able to give my child a different life, a life without constraints. She shouldn’t have to understand the injustices of the world, but she was forced to.

I sighed, swallowing back the lump in my throat. I had to remain strong for her sake, “the forest and our home is the safest place for you, little one. I know that it’s unfair. I want you to explore more than my own desire to explore the universe itself, but it’s just not the right time for such things. Perhaps when you’re older, we can discuss it again,” I spoke the harsh words as gently as possible, holding her close to me as I felt the very heart within her breaking at the unfair truth. Odin was the one I was truly afraid of. He was the one who could tear my life apart. It didn’t sit well with me that Loki and I had a beautiful relationship up until the point that he spoke to his father, so whatever that conversation had been about, I blamed Odin for the fate of our relationship. I also blamed myself. Perhaps if I had told Loki that I was pregnant before he left to speak with his father, which was something I was on the brink of telling him before he left, he would be here to witness his daughter’s beauty, grace, and wild nature.

Hjalmar’s unannounced presence beside me startled me, but he didn’t catch me completely off guard as Aurora’s eyes locked on him before he spoke in my defense, “the outside world is a big place with small people who don’t know how to treat those who aren’t...dull like them!” he noted, a grin playing on his lips that seemed to bleed onto Aurora’s. They were close. They were just as inseparable as Hjalmar and I had been as children and harbored a love for one another that was only strengthened by their protective instincts over each other. When Hjalmar readied himself to ride out into battle, she would fight him to stay, shedding tears as she begged him not to leave. I saw myself in her. His words in that moment, however, shocked me, and my jaw hung slack as I processed what he said. My eyes locked with his blue ones, and he shrugged his shoulders, feeling my playful judgement, “what? I speak the truth!” he defended himself, raising his hands to surrender.

I snickered before turning my gaze back to the emerald eyes that matched mine, ones I regarded as far more beautiful than any sight I’d ever had the honor of gazing upon, “Asgard can be a dangerous place for people who go against the grain. You didn’t choose your name or who you were born to, but people can hold prejudices against others for who their parents are,” I murmured, knowing those injustices firsthand. It was a difficult concept to grasp, one I still couldn’t understand. Too many nights, I’d lay awake and wish for the ability to create a world just for her, but wishing never brought me anything in life. I would have to change the world for her, and I was prepared to do so.

Her voice pulled me from my feelings of guilt, “but I want to be like you! I want to be like father!” she insisted, her voice cracking as it often had when she brought him up. We spoke of him, and I knew that she had an innate love for a man she never even met. She loved him so deeply and so freely that his loss hurt her just as much as it hurt me, a woman who was in love with him for a millennia. Hearing her speak of him, hearing how eager she was to be like us, brought tears to my eyes, “I would never do anything to taint our family name, and if the Asgardians hold prejudices against me for who my family is, it will be clear to me that they don’t know you well enough. I just want to be someone who would make you proud, someone my father would be proud of,” she sniffled, a few stray tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Oh, Aurora,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her close. Hjalmar lowered himself onto the ground beside me as I held her to my chest. I fought back the tears, finding my strength in my brother just as I had for so long, “I am so proud of the little woman you’ve become. I am so proud of the woman you will become. I’ve loved you since before you were born, since before you were even conceived. Your father and I spoke of our future children all the time, and you’re exactly what we always dreamed of. If he could see you right now-” my voice cracked as the tears stung my eyes. My bottom lip quivered as I thought of the future we had planned, a future I was living without him. I pulled away just enough to tilt her head up to look at me, “if he could see you right now...he would be so proud,” I murmured, pressing my lips to her forehead as her bottom lip continued to tremble. It broke my heart that she was hurting. If I could take that pain away, I would have done so in a heartbeat. I would take on every ounce of heartbreak if it meant she experienced none of it. That was the truth, though. Loki would have been enthralled by her. I thought I knew what love was with just him. He showed me a romantic love that I was still learning to live without, and I never imagined I could love another living thing more than him, but she came along and opened a new window into my soul. She was everything, and he would’ve loved her more than he ever could’ve loved me. She would’ve been our pride and joy, but I was forced to value such a beauty all on my own.

“Your father was one of my closest friends growing up, and I can tell you something right now, princess, he would have been your best friend, too,” Hjalmar grinned, trying to lighten the mood, “he used to create these illusions and place them around the cottage in order to scare me. He even shapeshifted into grandfather at one point to find a way to get your mother out of the house. Your father was a ball of mischief, but he was one of the kindest men I knew, and I know how proud he would be to have a daughter like you. Wherever he is, his heart is full because of your mere existence,” he continued, tears appearing even in those blue eyes that had been so strong through all of this. Hjalmar mourned Loki just as my father did, but there was a special connection the two of them share. I could still vividly remember Hjalmar’s threat to Loki that should my love hurt me, he’d be dead by dawn. If Loki had been anyone else, Hjalmar would’ve kept his promise, and I had no doubt in my mind, but when I came home crying that day, Hjalmar held me all through the night and shed tears with me.

I pressed one more kiss into her hair before placing the crown of flowers and leaves upon her head. It was so similar to the one Loki and I used to make for each other. He would spend hours putting together the perfect crown, telling me that it must be suited for the queen of the forest. He placed so much love and admiration upon me. Every moment we were together, he looked at me as so much more than just an orphaned girl with no name, no home, no claims. He called me a princess, a goddess, a queen, and he treated me like a woman with such power that even I doubted. I didn’t see myself the way he saw me, and he never saw himself through my eyes, either. I always believed it was because love blinded us, but he was aware of my flaws, too, just as I was with his. He was too cold sometimes, and when he was angry, he would become much more calculating. He would bottle up his frustrations until he began bursting at the seams, and there were moments when it lead to arguments between the two of us. He had flaws-just as we all did-but they were met with such beautiful, perfect parts of him. He could be cold and calculating in his frustration and anger, but the rest of the time, he was sweet and warm. He could bottle up his frustrations until they burst out of him, but he knew how to apologize, and he always meant it.

The crown I made for Aurora was fitting for a princess, which she was by right. She had a claim to the throne, but it would’ve been passed along to Thor at some point, and should he have children, they would be his successor. Still, she was a princess. As she stood up and took off toward the woods, calling out for Eldfinn, Hjalmar and I continued to sit by the tree in silent remembrance of the pieces of our hearts that had been lost in Loki’s absence. We both watched as the massive wolf emerged from the tree line, his grey and black coat shimmering in the sunlight. He made his way over to Aurora, and she pressed her forehead against his, running a hand through his fur. He stood just as tall as she was, just a bit smaller than some of our horses, but she was never afraid of him. The were close friends, much like the wolves I surrounded myself with growing up. They never caused me any harm, and Eldfinn wouldn’t hurt Aurora. The animals of the forest understood me, and they understood the boundaries of their wild nature. My family wasn’t their prey, and neither was I. They were peaceful to us, and with time, they became our protectors.

“You two are so similar,” he mused, catching my gaze. He watched her play with Eldfinn, and I watched as his eyes sparkled with memories that seemed so long ago. His words were a compliment for me. She was the most precious thing in my life, and for him to compare her to me brought me so much pride, “every time I look at her, I see you. It’s not just because she has your eyes, either. It’s because she has your heart,” he added, his blue eyes finally meeting mine. It was the similar clash of when the land finally met the sea. There was a gold ring around his pupils that bled out into the blue of his irises that matched the shores of Midgard, so his eyes looked eerily similar to the beaches Loki and I would frequent. Hjalmar had occasionally accompanied the two of us, but it often took much convincing, since he didn’t want to intrude on my time with Loki.

The smile that pulled at his full lips was contagious, and I found myself grinning up at him, “I look at her, and I feel like I’m a boy again, watching you run through this same meadow, playing with the wolves you named against Father’s wishes. It’s as if I’m reliving my most precious memories. She looks at me the way you do, too, like I’m somehow I man worthy of the world even after all the mistakes I’ve made, after all the lives I’ve taken in battle. You two look at me with a love I’ve never deserved but one I could never turn away no matter how guilty I feel accepting it. She reminds me of the girl that never died within you. That girl, the one who’s still curious, the one who still wishes to explore, the one who is capable of bringing about change, she’s still there within you. She never died. She never even retired or cast herself into the deep recesses of your heart. She’s always been at the surface, and I see her from time to time. I see her when you smile, when you laugh, when you admire the branches of the trees because they look like arms reaching out to hold each other, when you tease me for being clumsier than just about any other Asgardian, and when I watch you love. I still know that girl so well,” he smiled, leaning over to bump me with his shoulder.

“And what of the boy within you?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

He snickered, “he’s still alive and well. That’s why you and I are still best friends. You keep him alive,” he confessed, his eyes dancing with words that remained unspoken. Hjalmar and I had always been closer than anyone else. My father and brother were the first men I loved in my life, and they both taught me what love should be like. Love wasn’t painful, and love didn’t break your heart. Love was gentle, peaceful, and kind. They were the ones who taught me that, and then, they hoped that I would carry that knowledge and that ability to love out into the world with me. I did. That was how I met Loki, and that was how our love spanned over a millennia; it was all because of the love my family instilled in me. Hjalmar’s sparkling, world-brightening smile bled over to me once more, “and the only reason why she’s my favorite person is because she’s the product of the two people I’ve loved the most in my life: you and Loki.”

I could sense the bittersweetness in his voice, so I reached out and grasped his hand in mine, intertwining our fingers. It seemed as if my hands were lost in his. He had the strong hands of a warrior, and while mine had seen just as much time on the battlefield, my fingers were slender-those of a lover, not a fighter. It seemed as though we both contradicted our own hands. Mine saw far more war, and his saw far more peace. I forced myself into his spot on the battlefield, afraid that he would be taken from me too soon. I would force Odin’s hand on many occasions, telling him that he could have only one of us, that it wasn’t fair for our father to send away both of his children. Many times, the Allfather bent to my will, but many times, he sent both of us, and there had been the rare circumstances that he sent Hjalmar instead of me. Still, I became one of Asgards most proficient warriors to keep the ones that I loved safe, to keep them out of harm's way. Hjalmar’s hands were built for war, but I refused to lose him to it, so instead, my hands lost themselves in his, “I have faith that the man who broke my heart wasn’t the one who filled it with love for a millennia. I think he still harbored so much love for us, and I know it’s no consolation, but...you were one of his favorite people, too,” I promised, recalling the countless times that Loki looked forward to seeing my family, to being around us as we sat in front of the fire, to speaking with Hjalmar about the things they had in common. Loki had just as much love for my father and brother as he did for me, but it was because they treated him as one of our own.

Hjalmar’s eyes filled with tears that he rarely let fall. It was the closest he came to crying most of the time, “I was supposed to go before him. That was my plan. My biggest fear in life has always been losing more people I love. I still have a vague memory of the last time I saw my parents,” his voice trailed off as the memories he only spoke of twice crossed over his eyes. His father had perished in battle, and his mother took her own life in the night after she put Hjalmar to bed. The sight was one he witnessed the next morning. He hadn’t even reached his third name day at the time, so the scene was both confusing and traumatizing. He didn’t have a good relationship with death, though, but his words were shocking to me. He continued, “I never wanted to lose someone I was so close to again. I loved my parents, but as I grew up, there were other people in my life who I loved just as much if not even more. Father was one of those people, and when I first met you, I loved you from the moment you looked at me. Then, there was Loki and Thor. There was Ephinea and Sif. There have been others who have fallen on the battlefield along the way, but I wasn’t as close to them as I am with the small group I’ve kept close in my heart, so my plan was always to go before any of you. I couldn’t face that pain again, but here we are,” he murmured, gesturing to the meadow that knew our presence, the one that felt Loki’s absence.

His words broke my heart, “you are still here for a reason, brother,” I spoke, reaching up to stroke my fingers through his full beard, “you are here because fate wouldn’t allow me to lose everyone all at once. I love you, and if I had to lose you after already losing Loki...if I had to lose you ever, I don’t know what I would do. I’d be lost,” my voice cracked at the mere thought of having to face my life without my best friend.

“You’d be strong,” he insisted, nothing but admiration in his eyes, “but you don’t get to die before me,” he teased, a grin overcoming his lips as he tried to lighten the mood as always.

I smiled up at him, giving his hand a light squeeze, “I suppose we’ll both be forced to live forever, then, because you don’t get to die before me, either. I won’t let you,” I replied, almost as if I was challenging him. Then, there was that alarm that carried from the Bifrost all the way to the middle of the forest where I sat. It was one I only heard a small handful of times. I had charged Heimdall to watch over my Midgardians, and when they were in danger, he would make the alarm. This was it. Before Hjalmar could stop me, I scrambled up to my feet and sprinted in the direction of the cottage, “look after her!” I yelled back to him, my words seeming to echo through the meador. The branches of the trees made way for me as the fearful tears stung my eyes. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, so there was no way Hjalmar would’ve been able to catch up. By the time I had reached the cottage, passing by my father in the stables, my sword and shield were waiting for me by the door. With one quick glance, I knew it was my father’s doing. All I had left was to dress myself in the armor that was crafted specifically for me.

When I entered my room, my armor was already laid out on my bed, almost as if he knew that I would be leaving as soon as he heard the alarm. It took me almost no time at all to reach the cottage, so I knew he must’ve worked quickly. I pulled on the armor, strapping it securely to my body. It was similar to Sif’s, but mine was a bit lighter to allow for quicker movement. I tied my hair back and gave a quick glance at myself in the mirror before exiting my room and holding my hand out for Soulkeeper. Within seconds, the sword moved itself through the air, the hilt of it landing securely in my palm. I strapped the sword to my back along with the intricately designed shield and hurried out of the cottage. In the distance, I saw Aurora running toward the cottage with Hjalmar close behind her and Eldfinn even closer behind him. Hjalmar continued to call out for her, but she ignored every desperate plea for her to stop.

Knowing that they would arrive before I left, I turned my attention to the stables right as my father emerged with a rope in his hands, leading Aria from the stable. I didn’t like riding her with reins, and it was perfectly safe for me. It felt constricting to put such a wild beast in captivity. She stayed with us on her own terms. She was never locked away in the stables, and if she desired to leave, she did. She had often disappeared in the night and had returned in the early hours of the morning. She was still just as wild as the day I found her, but she always found her way back to me. I could bring myself to restrict her all the time. When she saw me, those deep black eyes seemed to glimmer, and she broke away from my father, trotting over to me. She used her nose to nudge me toward her as if she was pulling me in for an embrace. I stroked a hand over her coat before breaking away when I heard Aurora approach, “where are you going?” she asked, her green eyes boring into my own.

“I’m going to Midgard. Heimdall made the alarm that there is a need for me there,” I answered, having no other details to give her. Even if I did, I wasn’t sure if I could.

Hjalmar finally stopped once he reached us, and he heaved, trying to catch his breath, “I tried to stop her, but...she’s fast,” he noted.

“I don’t want you to go,” Aurora interjected, her voice small and filled with fear. When I met her eyes again, I saw the unshed tears in them. She was terrified of me leaving her, and I knew that feeling. Whenever my father rode off into battle, I would beg him to stay. I would beg and plead with him to take me with him, showing him that I could potentially hold my own on the battlefield even when I was still just a child. No matter how much I tried to convince him, though, he always left, telling me that one day, I would understand. This was the day. My heart broke as I thought of having to break the heart of a princess. She continued, “please, don’t leave me!”

“I won’t be gone long,” I promised her, unsure of whether or not I’d be able to keep that promise. There was always a level of risk that was involved in my trips to Midgard. Oftentimes, I was going there in dangerous circumstances, so I was sure this would be no different. Still, I would fight death all the way. I pulled her close to me, holding her as tightly as I could without breaking her, “I’ll be back before you know it, and I miss you already, little wolf,” I smiled, pulling away from her and pressing a kiss to her forehead. She couldn’t see me cry before I left. It would only serve to worry her more.

“I love you, mother,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around me and holding me as tightly as possible.

I smiled, reminding myself of how lucky I was to have this type of love even if it was just for a while, “I love you, little wolf,” I replied, repeating the same words my father had all my life. I was his little wolf, and she was mine. I gave a short glance at both Hjalmar and my father, the latter giving me the nod of approval that I needed to leave her with them. He had made countless promises to keep her safe and raise her with love should anything happen to me, but I just needed to know that I was making the right decision. The simple gesture was more than enough for me. When I pulled away from her, she scurried over to Hjalmar who scooped her up into his arms.

I pulled myself up onto Aria’s back, straddling her body with my legs and finding that familiar, perfect balance. My eyes locked with Hjalmar’s once more, “remember, Eva, I’m first,” he reminded me with a contagious smile before waving me away, knowing that I was needed elsewhere. I clutched the familiar section of Aria’s mane before riding off through the forest along the path we always took. I was unable to look back at my family for fear that my love for them would stop me from leaving, for fear that her loving eyes would keep me from fulfilling my destiny, which had always been to protect the ones I loved so deeply. Instead, I poured every insecurity, every ounce of fear into Aria, and she pushed herself faster and faster with every passing second. She knew how fearful I was, and she wanted me to have answers to the questions that threatened to burn through me. I was always at a breaking point, and she felt that within me. If I wasn’t fearful of taking her to Earth with me, she would’ve accompanied me. However, I already had more than enough unwanted attention as it was, and she would only pull more of it.

When we arrived just outside the Bifrost, she knelt to grant me an easy departure from her back, the magnificent beast standing taller than even Hjalmar, who was massive. She was huge, but she was graceful. Once I retreated from her back, I gestured for her to run back home where she would either return to the stables or wander through the forest until I was close to returning home. Father claimed that she seemed to know when I would be returning, as he wouldn’t even have to announce that I was coming back. Instead, she would leave the comfort of the stables and return with me. She took off back toward the forest, and I turned on my heel to enter Heimdall’s observatory that had been rebuilt in the time between Loki’s fall and this moment. Entering it, I saw the man I often watched the stars with, but he looked like he had seen a ghost, “what happened?”

He swallowed hard, fear and disbelief clouding his amber eyes, “it’s Loki.”

The ride back to the cottage from the palace felt both excruciatingly long and far too short all at once. Thor insisted on accompanying me back to my home, especially after the trauma we both experienced on Midgard. We thought Loki to be dead, and the man I saw, the man I looked upon...wasn’t the man I fell in love with. He was different. He was overcome with madness. I declined Thor’s invitation to see me back to the cottage, knowing that I needed time to think. The ride back would help me sort through the various emotions I didn’t have time for on Midgard. My emotions had run rampant from the moment Heimdall told me of Loki’s presence on Midgard to being betrayed by him in New York to escorting him back to the palace and didn’t stop even in that very moment. Leaving him at the palace was both the most difficult thing I had to do and the easiest thing I could think of doing. Seeing him hurt me in ways I couldn’t think of.

He wasn’t Loki anymore.

His presence on Asgard threatened everything I had built in his absence. I had a daughter, a life that I was meant to protect from every horror in this world. Her safety was of utmost importance to me, but what if...being with me was the most dangerous place for her to be. Loki’s mood had shifted multiple times from the time we met on Midgard to the moment I left him in the palace. In New York, he nearly killed me, but his words of love and guilt kept me from giving in completely. Then, when we finally brought him back to Asgard, he was screaming at me, telling me that it was my fault that he was in chains. If I hadn’t interferred, he wouldn’t be Asgard’s newest prisoner. Instead, he’d be a King on Midgard. He threatened me that should he ever escape, I would be the first one he would pay a visit to, implying that he would finish what he started on Midgard. He threatened to end my life, and should he truly wish to hurt me the way he did in New York, Aurora would be the first person he went after.

Aria felt my need to grapple with my thoughts, so she slowed to a swaying walk once we entered the forest. I didn’t want the people of Asgard to watch me struggle with my emotions. The people knew me as a strong leader, someone who lead many of Asgard’s battles. I wasn’t supposed to fall apart. This wasn’t the person they knew. Aria, with her keen ability to sense everything about me, all of my doubts and fears and concerns, gave me the time I needed to understand my own mind. Loki was a danger, and I saw that firsthand in New York. If it wasn’t for Tony, the city would’ve been decimated, including all of us, and that was because of what Loki had brought upon. He brought the Chitauri to New York with the hopes of laying waste and taking control of the planet we had both loved so dearly at one point. He proved himself to be dangerous, and that was especially true when it came to me.

He was my weakness, and the other Midgardians could see it. It was no surprise to Steve, since he knew the history I had with Loki, but no one else was aware. They saw the difference between when I was fighting the Chitauri and when I was with Loki. I was a warrior, but I became nothing more than putty in his hands. Should he escape from the dungeons, which was a very real possibility, I would be his first target, of that I was sure. Should he find me, what would stop him from hurting the rest of my family? What would stop him from killing my father and brother? Would I be able to stop him? Would I be able to fight him...kill him? I was uncertain of the answers, which only made me more fearful. What would I do with Aurora? Would I run away with her to Midgard? What if he found me there? What if he hunted me down and hurt her in an attempt to bring about the most pain imaginable for me?

The questions flooded my mind until Aria and I made came into view of the cottage. The moment I saw it, the moment the tears threatened to spill from my eyes. I cried the whole way back from Midgard. As Thor and I trailed behind Loki and the guards that met us at Heimdall’s observatory, I allowed the tears to fall. I wouldn’t let Loki see me cry, though. I refused to let him watch me as I cried because he didn’t deserve to win like that, not after all he had done. He wanted to hurt me. Every word was dripping with hatred, a burning anger that left cuts on my very soul. Asgard wasn’t my home anymore, or at least it didn’t feel like it. Loki’s fall took my happiness, but I found it again in Aurora. I found a purpose in her, but having Loki back in the state he was in made me fear everything that I’d never been fearful of. I was afraid of falling asleep because I didn’t know if he would find a way out of his cell and kill me or hurt my family. I was afraid of raising our daughter because I didn’t know if she would be taken from me at any second.

Loki took away my security.

The sky was nearly black as I rode toward the cottage, Aria continuing to walk as slowly as she could. I could see that my father was busying himself tending to the garden, the torch still lit. It would be lit until I made my presence known at the house. It had been lit since the day Loki fell. He would light the torch and leave it lit throughout the night as a sign that our home-like our hearts-was still awaiting his return. It was our way of paying homage to him. It symbolized that our home would never be complete without him. He was still in our hearts, and I still couldn’t bring myself to cast him out even after everything on Midgard. I smiled lightly at the sentiment. Hjalmar stood beside one of the trees that lined the path, staring up at the branches. When my eyes followed his, I saw her up amongst the branches. She stared down at him, and I found that I was finally within earshot. Hjalmar’s voice was stern as he spoke to her, “it’s getting ready to storm, Aurora!” he called up to her.

Loki and I used to climb the trees in the forest when we were younger, and we’d often do so as children, watching as my father returned from battle. Hjalmar liked to stay grounded, so he would call up to us with worried voices, telling us that Father didn’t want us up in the trees for too long. He would often tell us that we could get hurt should we fall, but we didn’t. The secret to not getting hurt while falling was to not fall in the first place. In that moment, I wished someone had told me that before I fell for the God of Mischief. Aurora’s voice rang out, pulling me from my sorrow and adding that bittersweetness into my heart, “I’m not coming down until she gets back or until you send me with her,” she argued as I finally got close enough to see the frown that looked so unnatural on her lips. Aria stepped on a twig, pulling her attention, and I watched as the frown turned into a wide grin, “mother!” she beamed, hurriedly scrambling out of the tree, jumping down when she was still a bit too high up, causing Hjalmar to lunge for her and catch her in his arms. She pushed herself away from him, running over to me, that smile filling my heart with joy that had been pushed so far away in New York.

I slid off Aria’s back, and ran a hand through her mane before she ran off into the woods to take some time to be alone. Without a single word, I bent down and lifted Aurora into my arms, holding her close to me. Even though she had grown exponentially since her birth, she was still my baby. I held her tightly against my chest, wishing that things were different, wishing that our lives had been different. She deserved the world, and I couldn’t give that to her. I was failing her. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and every catastrophe, every life that was lost, every heartache I experienced on Midgard just fell to the wayside. All that I could feel in that moment was the sheer amount of unconditional love she harbored for me. She didn’t know the woman who failed the children in the orphanage. She didn’t know the woman who had nearly been killed because she couldn’t bring herself to fight the man she loved. She didn’t know the woman with the weaknesses. She knew me as her mother, and I felt that love so profoundly in that moment.

Casting a stray gaze at Hjalmar, I brushed past him and walked toward the house as the thunder began to roll in. It wasn’t Thor’s doing. It seemed as if the world could feel my heartache, the conflict within me. She wanted to grieve with me, and the thunder symbolized her cries. The droplets of rain that began falling, catching themselves in Aurora’s hair, were her tears. She felt this with me. I carried Aurora into the cottage, Hjalmar and our father following close behind. I didn’t speak a single word as we entered the cottage, the only noise from the creaky front door opening in front of me and closing behind Father. I sighed as I sat on the chair in front of the fireplace, listening to the rain begin to fall on the leaves outside. Hjalmar and Father sat in the other chairs opposite me as Aurora situated herself on my lap, keeping her arms wrapped around my body, “why are you sad?” she asked such a simple question, but it seemed so profound in that moment.

I didn’t know how to answer her question. I couldn’t tell her the truth. I couldn’t explain to her that the man I believed to be dead all this time-her father-was alive and just laid waste to a city. I couldn’t explain to her that her father was no longer the man I knew, was no longer the man I fell in love with or the man she envisioned him to be. She had the most beautiful words to speak about him. If I told her of the horrible crimes he committed, he would’ve turned from a dream into a nightmare. It would have been worse than mourning him, which was something we had done together. I had to both mourn the man Loki once was and experience the pain and fear of the man who had the same face and voice, the same pained look in his eyes, but he was cruel, which was something my love was not. I couldn’t tell her of what happened on Midgard, so I settled for a vague answer, “I saw someone I didn’t think I’d see again,” I replied, catching the eyes of my father and Hjalmar, which filled with confusion.

Before I could respond to their looks of confusion with a cryptic answer, Aurora piped up again, “who?” she asked, pulling back just far enough to catch my gaze with her own. She looked so concerned, so protective. It was similar to how I had looked at my father when I was a child. I had always been willing to take on the world if it meant that he was safe. I could still recall the countless times I readied my childhood horse, ready to escape in the night to ride into battle for him. I would pack up my sword and shield that I could barely hold upright at the time, and I would pack a few days rations into the saddle bag. He would almost always catch me right before I rode off, though, and if he didn’t, he caught me on the path leading away from the house. Each time, though, I would see my protective gaze mirrored back at me in his dark brown eyes, and I saw the same look in that moment with Aurora, “Grandfather says that he’ll show me how to wield a sword tomorrow, so I’ll be able to protect you from them,” she promised, looking proud.

I cast a concerned glance over at my father, surprised that he would allow her to wield a sword at such a young age. It took some time before he allowed me to wield a sword, but I also knew how persistent she could be. He shrugged his shoulders, a lighthearted smile forming on his lips that made my heart hurt. I glanced back at her, “why would you want to wield a sword?” I asked, glossing over her question of who the person was. There was no way I could explain it without opening up a can of worms that neither of us were ready for. Father and Hjalmar looked confused, but they left they remained silent, knowing that their questions would be answered in due time.

She paused for a moment, looking for the right words to say, the quiet crackling of the firewood filling the silence in the room that was left with the absence of her voice, “well...you wield one,” she finally answered, her eyes locking with mine. It was at that very moment, that small, inconsequential moment in, that I realized just how much she loved me. We were connected by more than just the star we were forged from. We were connected through the life force that I shared with her. My very soul had bled into hers on the day she made her grand entrance into the world, and we had been inseparable since. However, it was in those little words that I realized how pivotal my role was in her life. She looked at me as if I was the world. I was her hero, the stars in the night sky, the very foundation she stood upon. I was everything to her, and she was everything to me.

When that finally dawned on me, I wished to cry out for mercy, but I couldn’t. All I could do was swallow back the lump in my throat as I gave her a pat on the back, “go get ready for bed, and I’ll meet you in there in a moment. Leave us to speak,” I insisted, pressing a kiss to her forehead before she crawled out of my lap and wished a goodnight to the two men in the room who put on convincing smiles for her sake. She would sleep with me that night. As I gazed out of the windows and listened to the rain pour down against the roof of the cottage, I knew that she would be taking over the bed. She couldn’t sleep alone during a storm. Since she was born, she would crawl into bed with me before the first raindrop even fell, almost as if she could sense the storm in her bones. That night, I would be thankful to have her in my arms. After all that happened on Midgard, I needed the security that holding her would bring me.

Once she disappeared into the other room to change, I stood up from my chair and closed the space between my father and I. Resting myself on his lap, I wrapped my arms around him, needing to be held by someone. I needed my father. I needed my protector. I’d never grow out of that, no matter how many battles I fought, no matter how far I roamed, no matter how many places I saw. He protected me from the horrors of the world and only let me see the good that the world had to offer, which played a part in how deeply I loved everyone and everything. I saw death and destruction, but I forced myself to believe that it was done by people who hadn’t been given the same love and patience that I had been so lucky to receive. They had witnessed too much misery in their lives, and they knew nothing but chaos. I tried to see the good, and that part of me wouldn’t have been as strong had I not known so much acceptance and mercy from the people I surrounded myself with. My father was the greatest example of that mercy. Hjalmar and I were not his blood, but he treated us as nothing less than that. After what I had seen on Midgard, after what I witnessed and what I’d been through, I became a child again. I needed my father.

His arms wrapped around my waist, and I melted into his embrace as my eyes locked onto the fire. I watched as the flames licked the cobblestone, dancing with each other in perfect sync with one another. It was how I envisioned Loki and I for a thousand years. We were two wispy flames connected to the same raging fire, dancing in tandem with one another. We knew we couldn’t burn each other, and I had faith that he wouldn’t burn me. Every now and then, our individual flames would bleed into each other, the joining of two souls that had been connected since the beginning. We were the eternal twins, our love symbolized by the fire. However, when I saw him in New York, I realized how wrong I was. We were suddenly fire and water. We were detrimental to each other, no longer able to dance as we had since the beginning of time. Fate twisted us so that we were given the ability to ruin the other, but he was the one who took that opportunity. I would never.

“It was Loki,” I whispered, my voice cracking the moment I said his name. They were both silent, and I knew that it was because they understood that I wasn’t finished explaining. They wouldn’t pester me with the questions because I didn’t leave any stone unturned with them. Finding the strength I needed to continue, I took a deep breath, “he survived the fall from the bridge, and he was on Earth. I was...he wasn’t Loki, though. This was a man with his face, his voice, his name, but the things he did...the chaos and destruction he brought with him was...on an otherworldly level. I almost didn’t return,” I confessed, feeling the way my father tensed up. Loki was like a son to him, but I didn’t even have to tell him what happened for him to know that it was Loki’s doing. My father would’ve sacrificed his own life to ensure that Loki was safe, but I listened to the way his breath hitched in his throat, almost like breaking glass, “he killed nearly one hundred people, and the army of Chitauri he brought with him...took the lives of hundreds more. I...did everything I could to stop him, but I couldn’t kill him. I couldn’t do it,” I trembled, my voice giving way as the tears betrayed me and streamed down my cheeks.

I thought of the children in the orphanage. I thought of the way Loki looked at me like I was nothing. I thought of how it felt when he plunged the dagger into me-one of twin daggers that I gifted to him. I thought of the anger and madness in his eyes when I told him that I still loved him as he pressed the same dagger to my throat before he ruthlessly attacked me. I thought of the conflict when he crawled over to me, holding me in what he thought were my last moments. I thought of how he begged me not to leave him, how he wept when he thought I was about to fade into the darkness. I thought of how he pleaded with me to stay with him as my body healed just enough for me to head into the battle. He was afraid that I would be killed if I left, and I could vividly remember that fear in his eyes. I thought of how quickly he turned against me once more when we finally captured him. Thor had to be the one to put restraints on him, and after Loki mocked Steve and set his sights on me, Thor covered his mouth with the muzzle, knowing that Loki would only have snarky comments to make at me. Thor understood just how deeply the situation in New York was hurting me. Loki didn’t even understand the depth of it because he didn’t know about Aurora.

Hjalmar rose from his chair next to my father and sat in the same spot that he did when we were younger. When I was sat atop our father’s lap, Hjalmar would position himself on the floor at his feet to be closer to me. He would rest his head against Father’s knee, and he would reach up to hold one of my hands. As our palms met in that moment, I felt my burden lighten. I continued to weep, though, as my father held me tightly, keeping me pressed against his chest. His voice cut through the soft sobs that were muffled by his strong torso, “breathe, little one. You were made strong enough to weather any storm. You will make it through this one, too,” he whispered, rubbing my arm.

I took a deep breath, trying to work through the heavy emotions. Seeing him again, especially in the state that he was in, was like cutting my heart apart along the same scars that it received when he left me or when I thought he had fallen to his death. Those were the most sensitive spots, so it hurt even worse, “what of Aurora?” I asked, voicing the only concern on my mind. As soon as I mentioned her, the fire seemed to silence its crackling as the walls absorbed every sound in the room. The silence was deafening. Hjalmar’s hand tensed in mine, and no one even dared to breathe. I spoke as the silence began crushing me more than the various scenarios had, “when we were escorting him to the palace, he promised to escape, and when he did, this would be the first place he would visit. He wants to kill me. He wants to finish what he couldn’t on Midgard. He’s angry with me, and...what if he hurts her? What if he escapes and comes here?”

“We’ll be prepared,” Hjalmar interjected, his voice cutting through my panic. I lifted my head and caught his supportive gaze, “if he comes here and tries to hurt her, I will bury him in the ground. Family or not, he’ll meet my axe if he comes here with ill intent for either of you.”

I shook my head, knowing that his words were born of nothing but the unconditional love he felt for the two of us. He had always been my protector even when I didn’t want him to be, but it had only been amplified when Aurora came around. She was a father figure to her, and he acted like one. He protected her the way he did when we were children, even from things that weren’t even threats. When it began to rain, he would pull off his jacket and hold it over her head until they returned to the cottage. He kept us safe, and with my father and him close, I understood that Loki would only get to Aurora and I should he kill them, and he would have to kill me to get to her. Still, I saw how powerful he had become in New York, and the madness only opened up new abilities for him. He was stronger, faster, and more fearless. Should he arrive at our home, I couldn’t risk the lives of my father and brother, “I don’t want him to be killed. He’s still...I still...” my voice trailed off as I shook my head in disbelief that I could still harbor such deep feelings for the man who hurt so many people, for the man who tore apart the fabric of what we built our love upon.

Sensing exactly what I was feeling, my father spoke, “the most broken hearts are those that have experienced the most love. You hurt so deeply because you have been loved so intensely, little wolf. We will figure out what the next steps must be, and we will do it together. No matter what, though, you and Aurora will be safe,” he murmured, the creak of the door pulling our attention away from each other and causing me to collect myself quickly.

Aurora bounced out of the room in her nightgown, her black hair sweeping over her shoulders. I knew that the storm was distressing for her. She was afraid, but she wouldn’t tell me that she was anxious for me to finish my conversation so that I would retire to the room to keep her company. She wouldn’t voice those fears, but I knew by the way she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, that she was growing restless. I smiled at her, standing up from the safety of my father’s arms before walking over to her. I cast a glance back at them and nodded, silently wishing them goodnight. Reaching down between us, I held my hand out for Aurora’s, and when she grasped it, we walked into the room together. Like clockwork, she crawled into bed before me and sat upright, waiting for me to sink myself down and become comfortable. Only then did she curl up with me, resting her head right beneath my chin.

I smiled up at the ceiling, feeling her try to pull herself closer to me. If I had known the night before I left would be our final night of security-our final night of happiness-I would’ve made the most of it. I would’ve held her like our worlds weren’t about to fall to pieces. I would’ve tickled and listened to that laugh until she was too fatigued to prance around the woods anymore, begging to return home to sleep. I would’ve cradled her closer to me than I ever had before, but we never know when the last of something was. We could never know which one was our final heartbreak, or which one was our final smile. We never knew which moment would be the last with joy and love. In that moment, I realized that the safest place for her was as far away from me as possible. The mere thought made my heart shatter, but it was true.

I choked back the tears, my grip on her tightening, “the morning you were born followed the hardest night of my life. It was the night this world lost your father,” I murmured, feeling her eyes on my face as I glanced out the window, hearing the thunder and rain, “the sky opened up, and it rained all night. Thunder and lightning rolled in across the horizon, and I knew that it was because the universe felt his absence just as deeply as I did. She cried with me, but I didn’t have time to mourn him as much as I should’ve because you decided that you needed to mend my broken heart. You decided that it was time for me to hold you because when your father...died...I felt my world slipping away, and I was lost. It turns out that I was lost because you were meant to find me. It was as if you knew what your presence would bring to me: a lifetime of joy, love, and beauty that I’d never known before,” I reminisced, my voice becoming thick with tears.

Clearing my throat, I continued, “and when our eyes met for the first time, the storm cleared, and the sun began to rise on the horizon, chasing away the clouds. There was nothing but clear skies and light from that moment on. We have both known the storm, but we’re strong enough to weather whatever comes our way. I remember that day like it was yesterday. The light from the dawn filled the room, and it felt like it was rising just for you. I felt invincible the moment you looked at me, like I could take on the world, and I felt more love than I’d ever felt before. I never knew how deeply I could love until I met you, and within the blink of an eye, my world changed for the better. The girl I used to be, the one who had known nothing but heartache in the months prior to your birth, she disappeared into the background the moment I held you, and I returned to the girl I was when I shared my heart with another,” I mused, as my heart ached with what would come tomorrow. She would no longer be my little girl, and my life would lack the laughter and joy-the love-she brought into it.

My eyes connected with hers, and I saw my reflection in them, but I didn’t feel like the warrior or the goddess or the queen that she saw me as. I felt like a failure. My decision was to fail her, and in doing so, I would keep her safe. I fought back my tears, forcing a smile on my face as she yawned. She didn’t need to worry, and my tumultuous emotions would only lead to her becoming more and more anxious. This would be her final night of peace, and I would bear the burden of knowledge until I was forced to forfeit my love and happiness the following day, “you were and will always be...the greatest gift life could’ve ever given to me. You are my favorite, favorite thing,” I whispered, pressing a featherlight kiss to her nose as her smile brightened the darkness in my heart, “get some sleep now, little wolf. I will still be here when you wake.”

She nodded her head, another little yawn escaping her lips, “I love you, Mother, and I miss you already,” she whispered as her eyes closed, ready to accept the sleep I knew she hadn’t been getting with my absence. She slept far more soundly at my side than she did without me, and she couldn’t sleep at all during the storms without me.

“I love you more,” I responded in typical fashion, listening to the way her breath steadied. She fell asleep within minutes of hearing my final profession of love to her, and I just watched her, drinking in every feature and committing it to memory. All I would have left of her would be memories. When I knew she was finally asleep, the tears began to cascade from my eyes and down my cheeks. I held back the sobs as I thought of how true our typical parting words rang in that moment, “I miss you already.”

[vapidsoup]

anxiety coping mechanisms!

hey guys lately i’ve been relapsing on my panic disorder bc i moved to a new city for uni. nowadays, i feel like i’ve improved a lot since the first day of the move, and i’d like to make a wholesome and hopefully helpful post about things that have helped me calm down during these tough times. if you suffer from anxiety, depression or panic disorders, maybe test these out and see if it helps! we should all stick together and try to help each other during our difficult moments in life, after all! Oh, and please please please feel free to add your own coping mechanisms!! i’d love to hear some more helpful advice! So, without further ado:

when i am anxious I:

Distract myself with skill-focused hobbies. When I was younger and had panic attacks, simply reading my favorite book would help calm me down. Nowadays, I can’t seem to focus on reading when I’m anxious so it’s no longer helpful. Instead, my brain needs an activity which forces it to reallocate its thought process completely, so doing something that requires focus, quick thinking or your total attention is preferable. For me, I find this in drawing, difficult video games, puzzles, or podcasts, but it could be anything that forces you to shift mental gears.

Spend time with loved ones. This one is not always helpful depending on how bad the anxiety is, but I found effective when I can feel it creeping up. Talking to your mother or father, siblings, or of course friends can also help distract from negative feelings. Don’t just talk! Do an activity together, like playing a board game, signing karaoke, even going out together if you feel bold enough. If you surround yourself with supportive and entertaining people, sometimes you may not even notice your anxiety melt away.

Consume positive media. Say you’re too antsy to leave the house or even talk to anyone. That’s totally okay. Sometimes, all you need to start feeling better is your laptop! Watching a funny show has really helped calm me down because it’s a positive experience. I find that stories and music with dark, depressing and negative tones only serve to feed my anxiety. AVOID NEGATIVE VIBES! Stand-up comedy, happy/energetic songs, or even vine compilations can help turn your mood around. During my first week alone, I rewatched 6 seasons of the office. It helped a lot, believe it or not! If you have a friend to watch it with, even better.

Mind my breathing. This is the oldest trick in the book and yet I forget to control my breathing every time. If you find yourself on the verge of or during a panic attack, take deep, regulated breaths. Don’t think about anything else. Just in. And out. In. And out. Concentrate on breathing deeply and regularly for as long as you have to.

Take a shower or bath. A surprisingly helpful trick, in my experience. Warm, soothing water can help calm you down. Washing yourself is also a good physical distraction, especially when movements are repeated, like scrubbing your hair. Lose yourself to the task!

If possible, stay in a comforting environment. This could be just me, but my thoughts are at their worst when it’s nighttime. That’s why I like to stay in a brightly illuminated space when I’m feeling bad. It’s not much, but it does help. I find great comfort in my room, so staying in my comfy bed with stuffed animals has helped calm me down.

Make stuff up! This doesn’t apply to everyone, but I have found that creation has been an excellent means of coping with anxiety. If you are the creative type (regardless of any assumed skill), I strongly encourage you to think of projects you would like to do, and develop them. Are you into writing? Try thinking of a story you would like to tell! A poem you could write! Musician? Try writing some lyrics or even compose your own piece! Artist? Daydream about your dream projects. I would personally recommend working on a story. This entails world-building, characters, plot, settings, specific scenes. most of the ideas I’ve had for stories, tv shows, video games and comic books were born and developed been during times of mental crisis. Whether it’s a script, painting, youtube video, or melody, try to unleash the creator within. It is an astoundingly effective distraction.

And most importantly,

Remember that this, too, shall pass. This simple thought has been the most important aid when dealing with my panic disorder. When I was 10, I went through a terrible time, mentally, and had panic attacks nearly every day. My mother would always tell me the story of a wise king, adored by all and renowned for his seemingly perfect mind. When asked by his subjects the secret to his leadership skills, he pointed at the ring he wore on his finger. Engraved in it were the words “this, too, shall pass.” Whenever he felt powerful and invincible, the ring reminded him to think of the future and prepare for adversities. And when he felt powerless, hopeless, alone, utterly despaired, the ring was a reminder that everything is temporary. One day, things will get better, it could even be tomorrow. So he should never give up the fight because nothing is forever. That story really resonated with me. At my worst, I have to tell myself “This will pass. These emotions are strong and seem like the end of me, but soon I’ll feel better and know that this is nothing.” And sure enough, when the panic passes (because it ALWAYS passes), I think “now I can see how much better I feel. The next time I feel anxious, I must remember how I feel right now, and know that I will feel this way again.” So, when you think the situation is hopeless, know that this, too, shall pass.

These are only some of the tricks I’ve used throughout my whole life to get through panic attacks. Notice how most of these tips are about distracting yourself from the anxiety. During panic attacks or anxious bouts, obsessing over whatever problems you may have, even if they seem urgent or inescapable, rarely helps. The goal of these exercises are to help put you in a different, more reasonable state of mind, which you can later use to tackle adversities in a realistic and healthy way. So really, it’s all about letting yourself breathe, cool down and reset.

So, I hope that this silly post has helped! I wish you all the best!

[elliepassmore]

A House of Rage and Sorrow

5/5 stars Recommended for people who like: sci-fi, fantasy, mythology, Indian mythology, strong female characters, dual POVs, ruthless characters I suppose this is the year for shorter sequels, since A House is shorter than A Spark just like Queen of Nothing was shorter than the previous two Folk of the Air books. Despite it being shorter, Mandanna makes the story fit the number of pages it's in, and I don't particularly feel like it's missing anything that should've/could've been added, especially since one of the POVs is Titania and she's able to give pretty detailed information about stuff Esmae can't. This opens three months after the duel between Rama and Alexi and Esmae is as rageful as ever. She's turned into a more ruthless character than she was in the first book, though at the same time she's been pushing everyone away, wanting to accomplish her goals solely with herself and Titania, much to the displeasure of those who care about her. There's an interesting juxtaposition between Esmae's actions and the fact she no longer has the blue-flower petal to protect her. Titania rather succinctly points out that Esmae still acts as if she's invincible and needs to understand she's not, which leads to a fantastic sparring scene. I enjoy her ruthlessness a great deal, though I do believe she needs more people surrounding her for support. Titania gets a bigger role in this book and I think I'd promote her to a main character rather than a side-character. She narrates every couple of chapters, sometimes giving us glimpses of things that are happening elsewhere but in real-time, and other times showing things that happened in the past. She has a very happy-go-lucky personality, though the weight of everything does weigh on her and she still hopes to avoid war and follow the rules of combat. She's solidly on Esmae's side and cares about her, though her own desires do occasionally create a conflict between the two of them. We see Alexi again, and I'm still not a fan *SPOILER*  even if it wasn't him after all who killed Rama *SPOILER END*. While he seems more and more in this book to understand he isn't the hero he thought he was and that this war really would destroy the family, I still feel there's somewhat of a lack of understanding behind him. Perhaps it's from being raised in a palace, even one in exile, or perhaps it's for some other reason, but there's a part of him that doesn't understand where Esmae's rage comes from and as long as he's unable to grasp that, there isn't really anything he can offer that would make Esmae happy (though one could also argue she won't be happy no matter what until he feels the pain she did). Despite certain strides forward for his character, I still don't like him. Max is again back in this one, though we don't see as much of him because Esmae is keeping her distance from everyone. He seems somewhat rougher in this one, like the events of the previous book and the three months between them and the opening of this one wore him down. He's still opposed to war, but he also still stands beside Esmae despite her choices, choosing to help and support her when she allows it. Amba is also back in this one, though she plays a relatively minor role until the very end. She's absent in the beginning because Esmae has no real desire to see her, and she's absent from the middle because she's busy safeguarding something from Kirrin, so even when she's absent she is doing something to progress the plot. I'm curious to see how her character moves forward after the events of the book's end. I'm also particularly curious about what Kirrin will do, he wants Alexi to win, but just how much does he want him to win? Sybilla is back again, and I'm promoting her to a main side-character. She's needed more as Esmae's bodyguard since Esmae lost the petal, and she's an excellent friend and supporter for Esmae. I think she provides an interesting almost-foil to Esmae in terms of what the two girls accept about themselves. Esmae is fine with rage and destruction, but doesn't want to look at the fact she has no desire for peace any longer, whereas Sybilla would accept that about herself, but has trouble accepting the parts of her prone to being soft. I thoroughly enjoyed her character and liked how she played both an instigator for some of Esmae's schemes as well as a mediator/voice of some reason. Those fixed points that came up in the first book came up again in this one. One of them again has to do with an arrow, though an arrow of a different sort. The path from Esmae's original arrow to the next arrow shot to this arrow is a pretty straight line you can trace through the two stories. Another fixed point that becomes clearer in this one is Kyra sending Esmae away as a baby. Kyra was so terrified of the curse, she never considered whether she would fulfill it herself by sending baby-Esmae away. While we'll never know, there is the possibility that the curse's effect wouldn't have been felt in the same way if Esmae had been kept by Kyra, but we do know that because Kyra sent away Esmae, it became a fixed point through which many other actions occurred that led everyone to where they are now. It's a fixed point similar to the line from Queen of Nothing where someone points out that sometimes curses are fulfilled by one's actions to avoid them. It's a thought that wouldn't leave my head the entire time I read A House. I was right about Vali's human form, which is revealed toward the end of this book. Again, though, I don't think it was a particularly subtle secret. Not related to Vali, but since neither him nor this next point fit well anywhere else, they're going in together (and this next bit is more of me picking at a minor detail, but). There's a certain scene about a missing thumb where it's suggested one can't string a bow or nock an arrow without your dominant thumb, but...I've done archery in the past and was decent at it, and I don't think I ever used my thumb to nock an arrow. You can use it for stability, sure, but it's not really a necessary component to nocking and firing an arrow that would stop someone from doing it. Stringing a bow is a bit more difficult, I'll give the scene that, but with some maneuvering it'd still be possible. Anyway, it's a sentence-long comment, but it just bugged me so I though I'd mention it. Mandanna continues to write a beautiful setting and cast of characters that all fit well in the plot. We got a rather explosive end to this book and I'm curious to see where things go next, especially as I feel Esmae's ending actions could very well turn into another fixed point.

[aster-ria]

Heirs of Prythian Profiles

Name: Artemas "Art"

Birthday: 31. December

Age (600 Years after Acowar(a.A.)): 571

Epithets/Nicknames:

Moon's Hunter

Nightbringer

Most Powerful Fae/Being/Future High Lord

Archer of Destruction and Death

Little Moon (by family)

Position/Titles:

Prince of Night

Heir of Night

Future High Lord of the Night Court

Magical Abilities:

Misting

Glamouring

Winnowing

Healing

Daemeti Power

Flight by Wings

Magic of all Courts (Same as Feyre's)

Family:

Rhysand and Feyre (Parents)

Arianna and Asteria (little Sisters)

Nesta, Elain, Leda Morrigan and Amren (Aunts)

Cassian, Lucien, Azriel and Varian (Uncles)

Hemera, Helena, Aurelia, Callista, Felicia, Cadan, Cleon, Echo, Morena, Morpheus, Pluton (Cousins)

Tamlin, Rosary, Primula, Briallen, Rubin, Jaicen (In-Laws)

Sexuality: Demisexual

Romances:

Jemima (ex-girlfriend)

Laverna (Mate/Wife)

Best Friends: Cadan, Hemera, Nikos, Rubin

Squads:

Heirs of Prythian

Night Court's Future Inner Circle

Night-Archeron Cousins

Hem-Cad-Art Trio

Hobbies: Painting, Hunting, Reading

Three characteristics to describe them:

Lazy, Charismatic, Cunning

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Aesthetics: 1 & 2 & 3 & 4

Well I would love to know where to start with him.... But he is in fact the only character who I have developed in so much details in my head so far .... But let's see ... This is going to be a long one ... Ah I know!

On the last day of the year in the early hours of the evening, the High Lady of the Night Court was going into labor, the heir would be born soon, in excitement und anticipation the family of the High Lord and Lady waited in front of the room, the High lady was giving birth in. After hours of waiting, in the middle of night, the heir was born with a mighty scream that shook the whole night court itself. The newborn heir released so much magic that all the other High lords took notice.

And with that Artemas announced his presence, his magic, and his power to Prythian.

Of course the Court of Dreams (and family) were surprised, they did expected strong magic in Art but not on that level nor at that age, since he was not even a minute old. But after the first scream, no other powers were released from Art, but they still could feel the power radiating off him. But this didn't hinder nor squished the joy of the family to welcome their newest member. The High Lord himself was crying while holding his son.

Art was powerful from the very beginning and had strong magic as a baby. His temper tantrums - from when he was young - are very famous in the Night Court, because if he felt something too strongly, his magic acted out.(It still does that sometimes, but only when he gets a panic-attack. And when he does have a panic-attack, don't try to help, just run and wait until the dangers of dying are over. Only then help him. He is probably unconscious by then and save to approach.)

When he once was 6 months old, he started crying so hard and so loud, that he plunged Velaris in complete darkness for half an hour, because than Feyre, Rhys, Nesta, Cadan, Elain, Hemera (the Archeron sisters were meeting for tea and cake with their children and Rhys winnowed later in panic to them after the darkness came) got him to calm down and sleep. This is one of the famous "temper tantrums events" Cadan and Hemera (especially Hemera) will tease him about for eternity. And Art is actually really easy to tease, because he will blush and huff and pout and whine no matter his age.

Rhys doesn't have the ability to really say no to his children or his nieces and nephews. So Art, Ari and Asta are spoiled, none of them will deny it. So therefore Art always gets what he wants one way or another. When he was little, he simply mostly made puppy-eyes and pouted at the adults and he almost always got whatever he wanted. But now he uses mostly loopholes, manipulation and a little blackmailing. He is very cunning and knows exactly how to talk to people to get what he wants.

Art was on both parts a very easily to entertain and a very easily distracted child. It depends on how you try to entertain him. Because if you gave him paper and colourful crayons (or at least the Prythian equivalent of that) or paints, there was a good chance that he will barely move from his spot for hours.

(Fun story: Elain was once babysitting Art when he was 3, but it was good weather outside, so she decided to do some gardening outside. So she put Art on the magical enchanted blanket, like she did with Hemera and Cadan before, under some shadows with some paper, fingerpaint, colorful pencils, his bottle with juice and some snacks. The blanket had spell on it e.g. to warn her if the baby wants/tries to leave the blanket, to keep the baby on it until someone is there to take baby, to warn Elain if something is wrong with the baby, to keep the baby from harming itself accidentally, etc. Everything to keep a baby safe, in one place, alive and protected. And she didn't go that far off, to do some gardening. At first she looked after Art every few minutes, but after three hours straight, she realised she hadn't looked at him once and no spell was activated. So in growing panic she turned around and is stunned. Because Art was lying on his stomach, talking to himself and drawing. His bottle was almost empty and half of the snacks were gone. And Art looked happy that nobody was bothering him. Elain didn't want to disturb him but it was getting late and she had promised Art to decorate his favourite cookies (sugar cookies (he loves to decorate them)). So she gently asked him what he was doing and Art almost jumped out of his skin, turned his head, looked Elain dead in the eye, smiled and said: "Auntie Elain! I forgot about you! Sorry!" He only then looked at his surroundings and than sat up and yelped: "We wanted to decorate cookies!" He stood, took a giggling Elains hand and dragged her inside. And with that everyone found out later how easily you can entertain Art, if you leave him to himself sometimes.)

Or you could read him/let him read a story and if it is either a love story/fairy tale or a spooky/horror story, he will listen/read wide-eyed and curious/awed glimmer in his eyes. Everything else was a gamble, if he would be entertained or would abonden it and do something else.

Art is a logical thinking Fae even as a child, he understood pretty early on how powerful he is or even more going to be. Which makes him on some level practically invincible, so little Art came to the easy conclusions that no real creature/monster could kill him, so his last shards of fear of them fall away on a very young age. But he never really got scared of anything to begin with, nothing is too horrifying or terrifying to him.

He finds Bryaxis cute (when he was five, he begged Rhys and Feyre for months to allow him to make Bryaxis his pet. They only allowed him that as long as he stays in the library when they are in Velaris and that he will never ask them again, if he could have any other creature as a pet. Because he did that a lot.), the Suriels are really interesting and cool (he liked to sit in their laps when he was little and listen to the stories they would tell him), various monsters, that haunt the forest of Prythian, are either pretty, beautiful (on an odd level) or cute and also very easy prey. No Creature or Being scares him. He even finds Hewn City aesthetically pleasing and appealing to the eye (he still doesn't like most of the people there but he likes to chill and party there with friends).

The only thing/being Art is scared of, is the Cauldron itself. At first he wasn't afraid of it, but when he was about 300 years old, they (Night-Archeron Family) visit Drakon and Miryam on their island. And since the Cauldron is hidden there, It wanted to have revenge against the Archerons and Amren. And It wanted it to happen, where it would hurt them the most, so It attacked their children. However the spells and enchantments on the Cauldron, prevented It from killing them directly, so the overgrown bathtub took a more mental and also more painful approach. And so after a few minutes after the Night-Archeron Family touched down on the island, Art, Ari, Asta, Cad, Cleon, Hemy, Hely, Aura, Feli and Pluton (yes, not Calla because the Cauldron loves her) fell to the ground spamming, screaming and holding their heads. The Archeron Sisters and Amren of course had felt the Cauldron and It's doing, tried to counter It. But their Children started bleeding from their eyes, noses, mouths and ears. The Cauldron had released a loud white noise in their heads. Their brains were being fried and they came very close to dying. But Rhys, Mor and Az had all of them winnowed as far as possible and as fast as possible. They barely survived and they needed months to recover from that horrible experience. Since then Art and the Rest are mentally scarred for life. And the Cauldron still sometimes taunts them in the back of their head. Even the mere possiblity of the Cauldron being in near proximity to them, will send all of them running in the opposite direction. (Yes to answer your unasked question, if Art could get close to it, he could destroy it with only a few little problems. But he will never (if the world isn't ending) get close to it.)

Artemas did go to the Illyrian Training Camps, because he mainly needed allies from the Illyrians (and to know how to fight without magic, but that was just an afterthought). Art's Dream for when he is the High lord is to a unifie the Night Court between the Illyrians, Hewn City and Velaris. And with that create a strong, more peaceful and powerful Court. But for that he realised he needed allies in both Velaris and Hewn City. But he also needed close friends and allies from the Illyrians to get most of them on his side. So he went to the camps with the full intend to make as many friends as possible there. That friends making wasn't the problem though, because Art always has been a very charismatic, kind, funny and respectful. Making friends is easy to him. This is also where he met and befriended his best friend/future Commander of the Illyrian Armies Nikos, and his future General Commander Of the Night Court's Armies Marcella (short Marcy).

The only problem he had, was that he didn't like close physical fights, because his first instinct for everything is magic. And since he had a lot it didn't end very well for him and his opponent, when he accidentally used some while sparing. So he needed very early on a lot of restrainers on him, to block his magic but the older he got and the stronger his magic grew, the more restrainers he needed because he kept breaking them a lot. But his magic wasn't the only thing that hindered him but also his sheer dislike of physical confrontation and fights. They made him uncomfortable. (well they still make him uncomfortable and also send him sometimes into panicking) Because of that he developed a fighting style, that mainly is about distance, dodging, hiding and getting the opponent defeated as fast as possible and with as little contact as possible. It worked but none of the camp lords nor most of his opponent were any kind of happy with that. He was always walking on a thin line in the camps when it comes to the rules and traditions. It was also here, where his enjoyment of loopholes and finding the easy way out began. The camp lords were angry and annoyed with this behaviour and he was almost punished every other week (no not leashes (he only got 3 leashes in his entire stay there) just some work here and there, some cleaning up etc.) And through that he learnt a lot of patience and discipline (which he lacked as a child). And this was the only other good thing that come out of his stay and training. He still very lazy though, that didn't change much.

All of this is also the reason why his preferred weapons are bow and arrows. He loves it. The distance, the concentration, the calculation, the easiness to hold a bow, the elegance, the creativity with the arrows. He swears he was born to be an Archer. It is perfect for him. Feyre had taught him when he was around 7, because he saw her using a bow and was immediately interested. But he honed his skill to near perfection in the camps. This was one of the only things the camp lords were never annoyed about with him.

He ended his training barely within the standards and was actually glad to go home and not partake in the bloodrite, but after he was almost done with packing and only a few hours before the bloodrite, the camp lord informed him that he actually would participate in it. Art's Brain shut down after the lord was done explaining and it only restarted when was already thrown out in the forest for the rite. But the rite wasn't actually that hard for him. It still wasn't easy, but not as hard as he feared it would be. Marcy found him by accident and was surprised to see him there. They started to search for Nikos right after. After they found him, they come to the agreement that Art would provide them with the fastest and safest way and how to survive in this wilderness. Marcy and Nikos would fight the others off. So began the literal hide and seek between the other Illyrians (who wanted either revenge for lousy fights or just wanted to get their hands on a quarter-breed and the heir of the night) and Art (who didn't fought once in the entire bloodrite and was glad about it), since he avoided them as much as possible. And within a week the come to the top of the mountain and finished the bloodrite almost as fast as Rhys, Cass and Az did. Art spent his Bloodrite just hiding and running away from fights. And he will proudly announced that to anyone who asks him about it.

Art has absolutely no pride in being a warrior or being from Illyrian blood, he finds the notion of having pride of something like that very stupid for himself. Though he does respect people who has that kind of pride in them, it's just not up his alley. He will admit publicly that he is not good at fighting and that almost anyone with combat training could beat him, well as long as it is purely combat, but if magic is allowed, you will get your ass handed to you in seconds, because even then Art doesn't want to fight anyone any longer than he needs to.

There is also another reason for why he will avoid fights involving any kind of weapons like his life depends on it, but more on that someday later. It has something to do with his PTSD. He has three triggers that will give him panic-attacks. They have various levels of how fast they make him panicking and lose control. The slowest is being surrounded by at least three armed individuals who are trying to kill or fight him. The next one is being hanged by his wrists over his head. It gets worse if he can't touch the ground with his feet or if can't use his magic. And the fastest is having any kind of blade near his throat or neck. If he panics in any of this situation, he will shortly after fall unconscious and his magic will explode out of him and destroy everything in a few miles radius. (he once almost completely halft a Mountain) If you are really close to him when that happens, you are most definitely death, since Art has no control in that moment. But these moments don't happen really that much since Art is avoiding them like they are a plague and with almost childish stubbornness.

So to make one thing clear, Art is a lazy ass. Everyone knows it. Art is lazy. If he finds a way not to do something himself or an easier way to get it done, then he will not hesitate to use that way. He will also never hesitate to ask for help, if he thinks someone will make it easier or do it completely for him, because they can do it better than. Art knows what he can and can't do, therefore he will not waste time and energy to try to do it himself, when he can just ask someone right away to help him. Art never does more than he absolutely needs to do. And these things he will do fast, efficiencently and perfectly. It is an absolute nightmare to get him to train, because you will need literal years to have him agree to training. He almost ever refuses to do everything that is taxing or tiring (except hunting, flying, archery(he loves all that shit)). But also if someone, who he loves (his friends and family), loves that activity that they ask him to join in, than he will probably do it for them with a lot of complaining (in a mostly teasing and humourous way)(well except for fighting even if it is Ari's and Echo's favorite thing in the world). Art loves to make people happy and likes to help them. But he will never go completely out of his way for anyone (except for Laverna), but he will try to help as best as he can manage.

He has a lot of people employed in his office even before he is high lord, because they make his life a lot easier. And yes he has an office building, because his parents are giving him a lot work to do, to prepare him to take over the Night Court. He also has three writers employed just for his paperwork, because him writing something longer than half a page is preposterous. He would either mentally or verbally dictate what they should write down. (They also have a better handwriting than him. Artemas handwriting is messy, rushed and inconsistent, which contradicts his artistic side and makes him mad at himself.)

(Fun Story: The Heirs need to do reports about their findings and solutions in the Biannual "Prythian Court Meeting", since they have their own little meeting. Art tried to get his writers to do it for him, but Rhys (as a little revenge plan) made the law about them so airtight that Art - to his horror and dismay - was forced to handwrite all the reports. But since all the heirs were not that happy with this law, they decided to make their longest report yet. This was their revenge, because their parents need to read them. So they made a 150 paged report, were every possible solution was listed and every solution was explained in excruciating detail and also how effective they would be etc. It was informativ but also very painful to read, because the writing style was awful and overly overcomplicated. And the High Lords and ladies needed to read them. And the heirs even controlled and tested if they read them with some buzzwords that were hidden in the texts. And since neither the HoPs nor the High Lords and Ladies wanted this to ever happen again, so decided that the maximum number of pages is 50. The only really good thing that came out of this, was the combination of two solutions for the problem, of which one the high lords and ladies never thought of.)

Art at this age has already a complete Inner Circle and all of them are monster when it comes to magic, powers and/or combat. His Inner Circle has ten members (if you count the future high lord and high lady in than they have 12 but I don't so just ten). Five males and five females. (Five of them are family to Art) They are going to be the strongest and most efficient Court in whole Prythian and also in history. And also the most independent, since Art is "training" and "designing" them into being able to function without him or with only the minimum input from him.

Since this is already over 3k Words long, I think that this will be enough for now. And I am not done with Art yet, but I don't think I will write for any another of my HoPs even close to that number. I will probably continue Art someday, since I love him so much. He such a Lazy Smartass. He is the best. 😉

If someone has any questions about Art or any of the other Characters, feel free to ask. I'd love to answer them. 😊

Which one of the Heirs should i do next? (please no little siblings except for Ari, because i don’t really want to do younger siblings berfore older ones. Thanks)

Tags: @thelaziestgeek @iamthebonecarver @mindnumbmikey

[the-god-of-nihon]

Semblance of Self: An Analysis of Characters’ semblances in RWBY

Semblances are a more tangible projection of a person's aura, which is the physical manifestation of their soul. As far as semblances go, we've been told that semblances are commonly thought to: develop from a person's character, influence a person's growth as they develop, or have no real correlation. What I'd like to do is analyze some of characters personalities, and origins to determine the reasoning behind their semblances. Obviously these will just be pieced from information I find, and research myself, and how I interpret the characters, which are by no means canon.

Ruby: The subject of Ruby actual semblance is a point of discussion. On two occasions we've been told differing definitions for Ruby's semblance: first by Pyrrha saying speed, and then by Qrow claiming it is the ability to, "burst into rose petals." Back in vol 1 Pyrrha, was someone who likely didn't know Ruby super well at the time, and was working on limited information, while Qrow is not only a more experienced, and knowledgeable huntsman, but has known Ruby for a considerably longer time. I’ll be doing analysis on speed, because I’m not really sure on the mechanics or logic of how or why Rose Burst would be her semblance. Maybe she wants to emulate the words on her mother’s tombstone. Maybe the grief of growing up without a mother tore her to pieces inside, or she wants to blow away in the wind like rose petals to escape.

Speed – I think a speed semblance is a manifestation of both Ruby’s desire to run away from her problems, but also towards the problems of others. When Ruby is running and the world blurs into colors and shapes, and the wind whistles past her, the world’s problems seem like an afterthought. The pain and bad things seems smaller and less important. The hurt of the past is left far behind her, and all that awaits her is what lies ahead. If she doesn’t slow down, she doesn’t have to think about all that she’s lost, and all the people who are gone. Looking towards the future is good. Unyielding determination towards a better future has its own merits. A hero rushing forwards towards danger sounds about right doesn’t it.

Weiss

Schnee Glyphs – We’ve been told that the Schnee family is one of the rare instances in which a semblance is hereditary. And given the family’s history, that couldn’t be more clear as to why. Just by Vol 1 Weiss we can see that she was so twisted up into her family’s reputation, growing up as an heiress her family was her identity, and as a Schnee she will always be a representative of their values; and all she is and will ever be is both because and for the Schnee family name. The control of her surroundings, and self is also a representation of desire for agency, and even when controlling things with her semblance, the shadow of her family never disappears. The fact she is so reliant on dust,the product her family’s fortune is built on, is just another indication of her much her family is a part of her identity. However, she is so much more than just a Schnee.

Blake

Shadow Clone - Leaving a shadow to take a hit, and running away. Blake claims her semblance is indicative of her desire and urge to run away. She ran away from home, when she felt her parents had given up on the cause. She ran away when the White Fang/Adam turned down the wrong path. When things don’t go the way she thinks/wants, she runs. She’s confrontational, and stubborn; but runs away when things turn bad. Some may consider retreating cowardly, but you can run away and recollect yourself and come back stronger than before. We’ve also seen Blake’s semblance evolve the most aside from Weiss. In vol 1 Blake’s clones had no definite shape, and looked more like black smudges, and disappeared just as quickly as they appeared. In v2 they had more definite shape, and she used her elemental clones, and in v3 Blake’s clones are practically identical to her, and remain for several seconds. By the time of V4 Blake’s clones can appear to move autonomously. Growing alongside her own journey, Blake’s semblance has evolved far beyond what it used to be.

Yang

Damage Empowerment "Guts" - Yang can take damage, and turn it into raw power. The more hits she takes, and harder she hits back. It’s powerful, but dangerous, even stupid. High risk, high reward but she can take it, can’t she? Yang didn’t give up like her dad when Summer died, she stepped up and became the mother Ruby needed. She doesn’t need a mother, she can handle things on her own. She can fight harder, and harder, she can take all of it on herself, it just makes her stronger. Until it’s too much, maybe she takes one hit too many, maybe someone so overwhelmingly strong comes along, that she can’t fight back. Now she’s spent, hurt and out of options. Yang’s semblance I believe is a reflection of Yang herself, she’s strong and she’s used to taking care of other. Used to taking things on alone, and turning her pain into strength. But like her semblance when she falls, she falls hard. And she’s not used to being weak, not used to relying on others. She’s so strong, not just in terms of combat. She takes on so much to spare those around her, but hardly spares a thought to what might happen to her. Recklessly fighting through everything until she’s burnt out like a fading flame.  

Jaune

Aura Amplification "Rally"- Getting down into the nitty gritty Jaune’s semblance is using his own aura to enhance the natural properties and abilities of others’ auras (and presumingly semblances). When you think about it he is using his own soul to empower those around him. I believe this sentiment, as many things about Jaune’s personality originates from his lack of self-worth. His very essence, his soul, and he gives it to others, to make them stronger. It’s indicative of his new mindset, he’s willing to give everything for his friends. Born from his desire to protect the things he cares about even at the cost of his own life.

Pyrrha

Polarity – I once read a theory that Pyrrha’s semblance comes from her desire to draw people to her, to attract becomes her ability to bend, and control metal to her will. Despite her desires all she can draw to herself is cold, unfeeling metal. And for the most part I’d agree. There isn't much parallel to her origins, but the invincible body of Achilles could translate to the ability to manipulate metal in a world of metal weapons, creating a façade of being untouchable.

Nora

Supercharge – Nora’s semblance allows her to enhance her strength by generating and stimulating her muscles with electricity. Obviously a direct reference to her inspiration the god of thunder, Thor. Nora’s semblance is an exercise in her uniqueness, taking an element that would be harmful to most people and turning it into power. Harnessing a force of nature and bending it to your will, to make you stronger; but being as the mercy of the weather’s fickleness. Nora has taken what most others would fear and tamed it, to survive. It’s a testament to her difficult past, growing up homeless, without family other than Ren. Despite her hardships, or perhaps because of them, that she faces life with near unwavering optimism, and fervor.

Ren

Emotion Masking "Cloak” - Ren’s semblance first activated during the destruction of his home, and the death of his parents. The overwhelming emotional pain, and grief he felt was suppressed, rendering him effectively invisible to creatures of Grimm, it’s what he needed at the time. But ignoring, burying feelings is not confronting them, or growing past them. Until vol 4 it seems Ren’s losses were largely untouched, preventing his progression forward. Ignoring hurt, and emotional strain isn't good. But sometimes it can be too much, and allowing yourself time before tackling your traumas is fine. Very few people cope well with their traumas, and even fewer immediately after they develop. There’s also a possibility his inspiration as Hua Mulan hidden under the guise of a man, influenced this ability.

Velvet

Mimic – Given fanon characterization of Velvet as a shy little cinnamon bun, it’s a bit hard to separate fan perception to the little be of canon we’ve gotten. In the maybe two interactions Velvet’s had with other characters that have been actual conversations, she doesn’t seem particularly shy or reserved. But I’ll roll with it, because otherwise I won’t have much to go off of. Velvet’s copy ability could be a play on people watching, which would tie into her camera “weapon,” and photography. If Velvet were a shy, wallflower, observing those around her would be a common thing. Mimicking other’s moves could also tie into her inspiration from the Velveteen Rabbit, the toy rabbit’s desire to be, “real,” could be twisted into Velvet wanting to copy those around her.

Sun

Light Clone "Via Sun" – Similar to Blake’s shadow clones, Sun has the ability to create and remotely control clones made of light/aura. This has a clear draw from his inspiration the Monkey King, who had the ability to create clones from his hair. And due to the lack of information on Sun’s back-story, one can only guess why he needed to have more hands. Possibly Sun grew up an orphan and initially the clones were his only source of companionship, or he used to steal growing up to survive. What can be noted is that his semblance seems to work better during the day in direct sunlight. On two occasions we see Sun create two clones during the night/indoors, when using more would have been advantageous. And the one instance of him using more than two at night, he employs four and visibly strains against a physically weaker opponent, and then depletes his aura and appears exhausted. Despite the fact we see him using three clones at once in the Fei Long fight, and he seems completely fine both during and after. Having grown up in Vacuo, perhaps Sun developed a semblance to take advantage of the most abundant resource (aside from sand) the sun.

Adam

Moon Slice – Adam’s semblance is similar to Yang’s minus the getting hurt part, he receives energy from attacks, stores it and releases it through his weapon all at once. Due to the more concentrated nature of his semblance, and not needing to get the shit kicked out of him, his semblance could be considered a superior version of Yang’s. It’s unknown if Adam needs his weapon to use his semblance, or if he can use is unarmed like Yang. He seems to be able to charge it on his own, but absorbing energy from attacks is much more effective. Against someone who fights smarter, or can get past his defenses, it’s considerably less effective. I believe Adam’s semblance is a representation of his perceived persecution, and his nature of overt violence. His power is most effective when under attack, and allows him to turn his opponents power back onto them. And his ability is channeled through a weapon, and without it we might infer he’d be less dangerous. Much like how without the fear and control he had over Blake, and the White Fang, he’s little more than just a violent man who’s too big for his britches. The theory that Adam is Gaston rather than the beast, lends itself to Gaston being full of pomp, and full of himself; but when things don’t go his way he becomes unhinged and savage. The facade of power, and righteousness hides an ugliness that is as much bestial as it is man.  

Hazel

Pain Nullification – Hazel’s ability to ignore pain is tied into his inability to let go of his grief over his sister. By not allowing himself to acknowledge and feel his pain, he doesn’t have to address it or move past it. In a sense Hazel has halted his own progress, because he refuses to look past his own anger.

Glynda

Telekinesis(?) - This semblance could be a manifestation of a desire or need for control, as we've seen Glynda is easily the strictest, and more rule oriented of the Beacon staff. This could have been a common trait even as far back as her childhood, which could have her to develop a semblance that allows her a wide range of fine tuned control over any situation. In some versions of The Emerald City of Oz Glinda the Good Witch is claimed to have, "command over the spirits of air." Possibly her semblance is an allusion to such abilities.

Emerald

Illusions: As a “street rat,” who we can assume grew up without parents or a home, Emerald can use the perceptions of those around her as a way to a weapon. Twisting her own image, and the images of others for her own survival. There are some that believe that Emerald’s inspiration is Aladdin, and one could draw parallel to Emerald’s illusions, and the djinn’s magic or perhaps the magic of the sorcerer that attempted to trick Aladdin.

Cinder

Glass Creation – Unconfirmed, but I think Cinder’s semblance is turning dust (regular dust, not elemental dust) into glass, and manipulating that glass. Compressing particulate matter into a glass like substance, such as the dirt from the road against Amber, or the molten rock from the fight against Ozpin. Tying into her inspiration as Cinderella, in a sort of rags-to-riches ability to turn literal dirt and dust into glass.

Neo

Illusive Appearance "Mirror" - The specifics Neo's semblance are unknown, but what it appears to be is the ability to create mirror like illusions of herself and her surroundings. Unlike Emerald's semblances this ability seems to be limited to her own appearance, and her immediate surroundings; but can be seen by everyone. Granted how little we know about Neo and her past it's difficult to say why exactly she developed such a semblance, but a past similar to Emerald wouldn't be too farfetched. Given her appearance, the power of deception is all too fitting.

[ireneinisolation-blog]

3/20 - COVID Dreams

I’m getting to this rather late in the day, and while I had planned for a larger topic, I’ve decided to go light instead, especially as it is so close before bed and I don’t want to wind myself up. Here it goes.

Since coronavirus first started circulating in Wuhan in January and the first stories of it started to make it here (not sure exactly when it was, but early-ish) I’ve had dreams and nightmares about it. Interestingly, I don’t think I actually had the virus in any of these dreams, but a lot of anxiety surrounding exposure and quarantines. I don’t think have yet begun to have anxiety dreams about economic collapse, but I’m sure those will come eventually in one form or another.

I think my earliest dream was just a vague idea of being in quarantine. But it was not super negative or all that emotional overall. It was just that I was in quarantine for suspected exposure, and that was it, nothing happened.

Another one a few days later involved my college roommate inviting me to go on a day trip with her to Shanghai. I politely declined as I did not want to be exposed to the virus. After that, some Veronica Mars characters appeared out of nowhere and that was a nice distraction.

I later had another covid dream with Veronica Mars characters, interestingly. Though not that interestingly I suppose as I was rewatching old episodes around January/February. In the second dream, it was a very anxious dream. I was quarantined at a military base after possible exposure to the virus. We slept in an open room (the same as in the images that came out of Wuhan where people with mild versions of the virus were kept), and our eating was regulated by when the military allowed us to have food. It was completely out of control, and within the dream I felt quite anxious. But I guess my mind decided to turn it around. One of my close friends from childhood showed up, and then it was like instead of being in quarantine, we were just having a sleepover at a military base with a bunch of other people. And then Logan from Veronica Mars showed up - hot Logan from the movie and newest season. So my friend from childhood and I just spent our time flirting with him. My brain really improved that situation. By the end, not such a bad dream.

I think there have been other dreams about quarantine. Honestly, too many dreams of this variety to count at this point.

One of the weirdest dreams I’ve had so far on this topic, and honestly one of the weirdest dreams I’ve had in a while relates to the movie Melancholia, which I did not see recently, but have been thinking about a lot recently. I saw it for a class when I was younger and I hated it. I still hate it. But for whatever reason it really stuck with me. So basically, first half the movie, main character played by Kirsten Dunst is super depressed during and after marrying a rather bland looking Alexander Skarsgaard. The second half the movie, there is an impeding apocalypse because there is another planet that is about to smash into the earth and kill everyone, and Dunst’s character suddenly finds a way to be ecstatic and really come into herself in the end of the world. When she is doing this, she can be seen doing all kinds of weird things in which she is reveling in the end of everything. One of those weird things she is doing is that she lounges, naked under the night sky, glowing in the bright light of the approaching planet. It is some weird symbolism (I think the movie is something about her not being able to handle living, while everyone else can’t handle dying? I don’t know. Lars Von Trier is fucking weird). Well I’ve been thinking about this movie a lot lately, because I’ve been thinking about how people are responding to this current “apocalypse” (not really an apocalypse, but still damn shitty hellhole). Some people hoard TP, some people retreat from the world, and some people, interestingly, seem to thrive on the chaos. Not necessarily in the sociopath way, not necessarily not in that way either (some of them are sociopaths). A week ago, I feel like I was feeling a little like this. Feeling invincible in the face of uncertainty. If only I could get the virus early, know I had it (but also just really hope that I wouldn’t have a severe reaction), and then everything would be fine, right? This week? Not so much. Now I’m just super anxious and not feeling very Kirsten Dunst in Melancholia-esque. But I still know a few people are like this. Anyway, that’s all background. Here’s the dream:

I was on the side of a hill near a house, and under a tent? like those weird outdoor ones that are white and used at festivals. Well outside of the tent was someone who I - in real life - knew when I was younger but have totally lost contact with. She was lying on the side of the hill, naked, and basking in the end of the world! Freud with surely have a fucking hay day with this one. Within my dream, I tried to avert my eyes as it would be indecent to see her that way. But she was reveling, and complained of my prudishness. Then the dream changed, apparently my brain was bothered. Instead we were in her house - both clothed - and she had a tiny yappy dog that was jumping all around. I was super annoyed with it, and tried to go upstairs and lock the annoying dog outside of the room. Somehow it got in, and then I spent the rest of the dream trying to figure out how to kick the dog out of the room. (I’m not normally so weird with dogs. I mean, small yappy ones can be quite annoying, but overall I’m quite the animal enthusiast.) So yeah... that dream was quite weird, especially as far as Freudian related things go. But I swear it wasn’t sexual. It was just WTF Melancholia.

Another dream that I had very recently first involved a bunch of teenagers getting drunk at my high school - I wasn’t in high school, but there and observing - they were being very rowdy, and very gathered together. I found out from the administration that they were partying to protest social distancing. Like dicks. This was no doubt based on the face that I keep hearing about people, especially college kids, doing shit like this that is going to fuck over everyone else in the end. The fact that they were teenagers probably relates to me recently watching Sex Education on Netflix to distract from the unpleasantness.

The second half of that dream, I was at a music festival with a bunch of women in their 70s and older. I was standing near the registration desk, and a few women were asking if they really have to wash their hands all the time, as it is inconvenient because their aren’t enough facilities for it and they want to just relax. Then they asked if they could just keep their hands in their pockets instead of washing their hands. We all agreed this would probably be fine. I think this dream probably relates to my anxiety and the world’s anxiety about older people getting the virus. But also the issue that some older people are not taking the situation seriously enough and keep going out anyway.

That’s all for my recent covid dreams. I am sure that there are many more to come, unfortunately. I will update later if any more interesting ones come up.

Let’s see, daily updates... daily updates... Thank god for my fidget spinner. It’s been doing a lot of work to absorb my nervous energy. It’s now over a week into my shelter in place and my apartment is still a fucking mess. I really should rally to clean it at some point. Wouldn’t it be nice to come out of all of this (at some point in the unknown future) and actually be a person with a clean apartment? Yes, I think that would be nice. I did some baking today, and that made me feel temporarily better because baking is such a nice distraction. Also, I was feeling very crappy the first half of the day. Certainly anxiety related. I just had this pit in my stomach and felt ill. Well I decided to make one of my favorite meals for lunch, and it got me back on track to feeling better. It is fare to say, few other people would find it comforting, but I love it: A bowl of chickpeas and chopped red cabbage with apple cider vinegar, EV olive oil, salt, onion powder, and garlic powder. It feels healthful and tastes delicious. In news related to the first half of the last item, I’ve been anxiety fasting. It’s motivated by the same thing as stress eating, but with the opposite reaction. Unfortunately, once I start this, it is hard to re-regulate my food, and then by extension my sleep, habits. I’m trying to do better. The chickpeas and cabbage helped.

Goodnight! I hope my dreams are free of anything covid related!