#felt like drawing some injury detail idk

[black-and-yellow]

[factual-fantasy]

26 ASKS! :DD THANK YOU! :}} 🥓

I mean, knowing me I'll come back around to it someday. I love Octonauts and tend to loop back around to that show every so often.. Its just that I've had a lot of uncomfortable experiences in the Octonauts fandom. Especially recently..

I don't really wanna go into detail, but I will say that I've encountered more upsetting situations in the Octonauts fandom, than I have in nearly every other fandom combined. Which is rather surprising considering its a kids show. And also unfortunate, since I don't really feel free to have fun in the Octonauts fandom the way I want to..

I'm hoping that at some point I can get my confidence back and find my way around that fandom and have the fun I want. But for now I'm just kind'a keeping my distance and thinking about it. I don't need any extra stress rn-

@unpopularartist14

I use FireAlpaca! :D As for how to draw injuries and bruises.. hmm.. well.. injuries are different from drawing to drawing and hard to explain.. but bruises? aaa how do I explain it--

Well, for character with pale skin. Like Wario and Waluigi.. I find I just airbrush some deep purples and reds in one spot on their face and put some dark purple/red scratches on top.. and how much purple or red you use depends on the freshness/severity of the bruise. If that makes sense..??

Like- Using this post with the Wario "bros" as an example, the bruise on Waluigi's chin/cheek is a muddy purple and has dark purple scratches on it. I feel like using purple makes the bruise look little older and likes its healed some.

Meanwhile on Wario's chin the bruise is pink/red-ish. Making it look "bloody" and fresh. I think so at least--

AGHHG- sorry, I'm not the best at explaining things. I hope you can look to that post as a reference and draw some bruises. I used the airbrush and pencil tool to draw them if that helps! <:D

@untitled-7613 (Comic in question)

Hmm.. my favorite Disney character.. I know that Disney bought Pixar and now owns all the characters. So I'm trying to think of characters that Disney made, not bought.. and I'm having some trouble remembering the older movies..

I think I liked Tarzan! Though I wouldn't say he's my favorite.. hmm.. I like Mufasa from the Lion King and I like the Genie from Aladdin! I also liked John Silver from treasure planet! (That was Disney right?) But idk if I'd say they're my favorite Disney characters.. hmm..

Now, if you're asking what my favorite Disney/Pixar character is? Well that's easy 👇

@tallchest13-blog

XDD Thank you so much! :DD I'm glad you like it! :}}}}

:x I have not seen the welcome home update-- all my info comes from MatPat/his channels. I'm way too lazy to actually go look into any welcome home stuff myself <XDD

ALTHOUGH!- I have heard that Julie has monster paws! :DD No doubt she has them for different reasons than my Julie, but still! it felt like an Apollos dodgeball moment for me! XDD

I'm not sure why you're telling me all this.. but I suppose I'll put in my 2 cents while you're here-

While some of this is true, this sounds like a rather 1 sided view of Alphys' character. I know most of the Undertale characters are beautifully complex and thought out, Alphys included. And I don't think this view is accurate to who she really is.

For example, as far as I remember she wasn't watching anime to "slack off". I'm sure she was severely depressed and extremely overwhelmed with everything going on in her life atm.

I think it would be a good idea for you to watch some character analysis videos on Alphys. Since I don't remember her very clearly, I cannot defend her very well. But I recall seeing a lot of posts/videos in defense of Alphys and explaining why she did the things she did.

Basically, I think its worth your while to actually look into Alphys and give her a chance! Who knows, after gaining some more understanding of her, you might just like her! :}

WAAAHAAG THANK YOU SO MUCH!! THAT MEANS A LOT TO MEEE!!😭💖💖😭💖

And hey, I get where you're coming from about the whole art theft thing. :( That is my biggest struggle being here on Tumblr. The constant art theft is so disheartening. In fact there were several times in the past where I almost threw in the towel and quit Tumblr all together over it.

But what's kept me around is people like you! :D There's some folks out there that really care about what I make. And are excited to see what I make next! The nice comments they leave me and the engagement with my work has really stuck with me. And it's what keeps me coming back! Maybe someday if you decide to take that first step and post some artwork, you'll find a lotta nice folks that make the art theft seem not so bad :}

Also giant watermarks. Giaaant watermarks that are just annoying to look at. That might discourage art theft <XDD

As for Jevil and Grillby.. In my AU, Jevil has this power to create mirrors and jump from timeline to timeline through them.

At some point when it was just him and Seam traveling together, they wound up in this Snowdin at night. Grillby was about to close his bar but he saw these too tired and hungry people so he let them in.

At some point while they were sitting at the counter and talking to Grillby.. Jevil could feel in his soul that this timeline they were in was about to collapse. Killing everyone in it. Jevil reacted on instinct and grabbed Seam and Grillby's arm and pulled the three of them through a mirror. The timeline was destroyed as soon as they disaapered.

What this meant is Jevil had saved Grillby's life!.. But his AU/timeline no longer existed. All of Grillby's friends and family were gone.. his home was gone.. He was now a homeless wandering traveler just like Seam and Jevil.

Deep down, Grillby doesn't really hate Jevil. He just took the grief of it all really hard and blamed it all on Jevil in response. He wished that Jevil hadn't saved him so he could have just died with the rest of his family.. and not have to experience this grief today..

Overtime he gets better.. and he understands that Jevil didn't want for any of this to happen. Eventually they talk about it a little and they end up on better terms. Maybe even becoming true friends someday. :}

@astaherussy (Recent development post on the Wario "bros") (Old Wario "bros" post) (Old King Boo/Boos post)

Thank you so much! I'm glad you like what I've made! :DD As for Wario and Waluigi.. the main changes I'm working on are visual/design changes. In their outfits especially. And I'm thinking of taking away their hats. They looked obviously very similar to Mario and Luigi's..

When it comes to their story, that is also being developed. I think I wanna keep the aspect of the Mario bros getting in some trouble and the Wario "bros" rescue them. Though with recent developments.. I don't know if the whole thing in Shy Guy woods is gonna work out-

In other news, actually no! :0 I wasn't aware that Spidercrab is so liked, but I am very glad to hear that he is! :DD

And a lot of those vibes was what I was going for! Tired, traumatized, has anxiety but is better at hiding it. Though the father figure is unexpected XD but I guess it fits! He's rather introverted and prefers quiet and space. But he is also the crews medic, and boy does he worry and care too much for his own good. He cares too much about them to spend all his time alone. He not only cares about their physical health, but he cares about them as people.

He wants to be there for his crew. He want's to be the first to notice when something is wrong or one of his crew is unwell. So he tries to participate in all their gatherings. Despite how much he'd rather just go read a book in his hammock <XDD

Though, he is still antisocial/awkward.. so there could have been many times he noticed one of the crew seemed off. But he didn't have the guts to talk to them. So he would go and tip off one of the other crew members to check up on them. Stuff like that I imagine is his way of showing he cares. :}

WAHG! I rambled a bit there didn't I? <XD Well I hope it was a fun read at least- as a thanks for taking interest in Spidercrab! It means a lot to me :}}}

Thank you so much!! And indeed he is! I'm so honored that you remembered him! :DD Though he's looking at some major re-designing and a biiiiit of lore re-structuring too <XDD 💔💔

<XD Unfortunately for many reasons I cannot/will not drink any of the things on that list. But! I can drink water! :D

@badlyblurry

<XDD I suppose so, at the very least I'm dipping my toes in and having some fun!

Hmm.. out of all the Mario games I can remember.. I think red shells from Mario kart got on my nerves the most <XDD

That, or this one very specific Zinger from Donkey Kong country. But I get that a DK game might not count XDD

📢📢SHOUT OUT TO YOU SETH!! :DD 📢📢

Thank you!! :DD

@neo-metalscottic

Ahh, I see, thank you for the info! And I'm glad you like my interpretation of them anyways! :DD

And oh yeah, his children's safety is his #1 priority. He's probably getting Kamek to create more Goomba's and rearranging his troops. Setting up a big chunk of them to just be on watch duty around his land. In case the hero's decide to come back..

He's also probably tightening the defenses around his hidden palace. (Where the Koopalings, Kamek, Kammy and the Blue paratroops all live.) Most likely by stationing more troops there and hiding out there himself. He wasn't able to beat the bros but he will still be an obstacle for them if they ever make it to the palace and try to hurt his kids. (Mario and Luigi wouldn't do that most likely but Bowser doesn't really know anything about them at this point- other than the fact they are very powerful and very scary)

I didn't think much about K rool when I made my version of DK. But that guy and his species are intended to exist and be causing problems on DK's island. Though all the details I'm unsure of.. perhaps its what you said, maybe they want the special beets and fruits that the kongs eat? Or maybe they came from another island that didn't have much to eat and now they're here to take over.?? :00

Sorry, I don't take requests! And my ability to draw rn is rather limited anyways... 😅

BUT! May I direct you to this post and point out a detail in the background? Cici only ate the frosting off her cake slice. So Bibi offered his slice so she could scrape off his cake frosting and eat that too XDD What a sweet brother he is :}

@2006-stupid-thatsme

I am not familiar with those sites.. <:0

<XD Mike was kind of a jerk though. Now don't get me wrong, his voice was killer! But I don't think he really changed as a person by the end of the movie.

If they had put him in the second movie he was gonna need a major personality change in order for me to like him <XD

@candyglumboy

I think its alright. :0 And if I have drawn one of the characters? I cant remember doing it <XD

(In relation to this post)

Aw, I'm sorry that you have to deal with all this. It doesn't sound fun that's for sure. :( But thank you for the info! :DD

@littlelightfish

XDD IM GLAD YOU LIKE HIM!! And these are all good questions! Unfortunately I haven't thought much about these things- so let me make some of it up on the fly- <XDD

I imagined he likes to mess with the crew sometimes and pull little pranks. Its all in good fun! Just a bit of goofin off. And he mostly does it to Coco XDD

Now his favorite crew member.. hmm.. I feel like that might be Ellie. Despite her cold exterior, she had a big heart and really does love her crew. Even the butthead that is Tuna <XDD I can see her getting the other crew members to lay off and give Tuna some space. She is known for cooking food to everyone's specific preference, no matter how much longer it takes to make. And she would do the same for Tuna. Cooking what ever he wants, how ever he wants it cooked.

That really means a lot to Tuna.. if he can count on anything, he can count on Ellie to cook a perfect meal just for him.

Now the crew member that understands him the most would be who ever has had similar experiences to him, right..? In that case it might be Pinwheel. Orrr Coco.. maybe Spidercrab..? Ah, I'm gonna need to do some more thinking on that one <XD

The crew member he doesn't feel so comfortable around could be Cuttlefish. She is very mysterious and some would even say untrustworthy. He is probably spooked by her and doesn't fully trust her. Though I'm also experimenting with Tuna having trouble with authority figures. So mayyybe he's less comfortable around Seafoam and Octo..?? :00

Also thank you for your enthusiasm and interest in Tuna! Its the biggest compliment to me/my OCS 🥰🥰

@raccoons-in-a-dumpster

XD Yup! Its me! And thank you! :DD

@beryl-shade

XDD Do they say that? Are there popsicles in the oceans from that game??

I'm not sure.. I'd assume so..? Keep in mind that these character were made from a game that I know next to nothing about-

Maybe? :00

@yeetmysoulintothevoid (Post in question)

No its not a sexual dimorphism thing, its all about stress, exhaustion, health,, etc.

Peach and Daisy have very thin blue markings (like their species is SUPPOSED to have) because they are well fed, well rested, and pampered as princesses.

Wario and Waluigi's blue markings are very large and puffy becuase they eat garbage, get very little to no sleep, and are fighting for their lives on the daily pretty much- if they had a saver living environment and a secure source of food, their eye bag would be much less noticeable-

Now Rosalina's blue marks are noticeable and puffy mostly due to her grief and depression. And partly because she isn't exactly.. aliiive..? Anymore..?? <:D

And yes! Everyone's ears are emotive! :}} Maybe subtly though. They can perk their ears up or droop them down, much more than a human typically can. But they cant do really fine and quick movements to improve their hearing/listen in a certain direction. Like Dogs, cats and rabbits can for example. Its all slow and mostly intentional movements.

Nope, I don't have plans to finish that comic. The writing was horrible and everyone acted super out of character all in the name of angst. 👎👎👎

If anyone wanted to know the ending, Kwazii was gonna patch Barnacle's face and the rest of the crew was gonna show up in the gups. They get him in a gup, take him to the octopod and he gets situated in the sick bay.

Then Kwazii and Peso have this stupid emotional talk about how Peso feels bad for not being there for the captain and blah blah blah. VERY out of character for Peso. The entire point of Peso's character is that he "helps any creature who is hurt or sick, no matter what." There is literally nothing on earth that could have stopped him from helping his own Captain, no, his friend in his time of need. That writing is juuuust so dumb.

Plus Kwazii was a total idiot in that comic- realistically Kwazii would have taken that situation very seriously and would have listened to anything that Peso told him to do. And even if for some reason he was being stupid and continued to approach the Captain, Peso would have stopped him.

And this is even beyond the fact that this whole comic starts with Captain Barnacles doing a series of very stupid and irresponsible things that he would not do. And then a perfect storm of "whoopsies!" happen ever so perfectly to have him wind on that island.

Over all its a veeeeery bad comic. Not my best! 0/10 would NOT draw it again! XD I don't even want to re-write it to make it good. Becuase that whole situation just wouldn't happen from the start.

Although, I am keeping the idea that Barnacles has a very sensitive nose/face. (Due to him being a polar bear with many muscles and nerves in his face) And if he ever got hit in the nose/face? It would be incredibly painful and he would be very disoriented for a time. But the rest of that comic can go down the drain XD

[the-traveling-poet]

Hello again! 😆💗,

Thank you very much for fulfilling my request!😩. I did not expect you to fulfill it so quickly, and this made me very happy. It was funny and CUTE 💗.

Well, I have a lot of ideas, but Idk how to write them but I think it will not be as fun when I read it from someone else’s writing. 🫳🏻

It is the same idea. Fem!TitanReader X Levi, The events take place when Annie kidnapped Eren, and the reader chases her in her titan form, but Annie was able to escape after leaving the reader with dangerous injuries, and she was left alone because there wasn’t enough time to treat her until the mission was over, and Captain Levi didn’t find her among the soldiers or treatment tents, so he decided to go back to look for her, and when he found her, she was still in her titan form. She fainted and half of her limbs were still trying to regenerate.

💗(Thank you for fulfilling my first request. If you have some time, I hope you will fulfill the second request, so I can be silent in peace. Lol)

Shifting Scares

During the 57th expedition beyond the walls, everyone was on edge. While Commander Erwin hadn’t specified all the details for their plan, a select few knew the danger this put young Eren Jeager in. In order to use him as bait to draw out the ‘abnormal’ titan hiding amongst their ranks, they’d need all the protection they could get. So naturally, they’d tasked you; their secondary titan shifter, to stick close to the young boy. As plans shift and fail, you’re left with no choice but to take on the threat single handedly until help could arrive. But no one knew the danger this would place you in, until it was nearly too late.

Pairing: Levi x Titan shifter! Reader

Warnings: Descriptions of injuries, language, fluff, s2

taglist: @21aurora @deepzombieyouth @braunsbabe

A/N: Awe ofc lovely! I’m so glad you enjoyed the first one, and I hope I did part 2 justice! Sorry for such a long wait. Work got in the way and I had some personal issues that really took me for a turn, but here I am!

Enjoy ~

Part 1/ish

“Eld, you’re taking the lead from here. Tether the horses and get Eren out of here until I give the signal.”

The second in command gave a brisk nod in return, then turned his attention back to the front.

Just behind him, you gripped the reins holding you to your horse tighter and grit your teeth. It had been a close call, for the past several minuets. Really, it had felt like hours; galloping at top speeds to escape the grasp of the titan behind you all. You’d lost count of just how many times you’d felt her ginormous calloused fingers brushing your back through your cloak.

You’d understood why you had been placed at the rear or the Special Operations Squad. You knew it was to cover the flank and provide even more security for the young boy in front of you. But damnit if you hadn’t been scared shitless the whole time despite your agreement.

Chancing a glance back towards the front, you caught your Captain’s eye. He stared seemingly into your soul from the front of the small formation, as thought he was looking past your gaze and into your very mind. After assessing you a moment longer, he gave you a small nod. One you had a hard time returning.

“L/N, you know the drill. Watch their six. Should anything happen, you’re to act as defense.”

“‘Course, Captain,” You mumbled, trying to shoot him a smile. Though it looked more panicked than reassuring in his eyes.

Looking you over one last time with a flash of what you could have sworn was concern, he turned back to the front and crouched up onto the back of his mare and gripped the handles of his odm gear and shot off up into the forrest surrounding your path. A moment of silence accompanied his departure, and you couldn’t help but worry for his safety above your own as he returned to the Commander’s side.

Humanity’s strongest or not, the lot of you had never gone toe to toe with another shifter.

The silence followed you all up until you came to stop near a large oak, where you dismounted your own mare at Eld’s call and prepared to tether her to the tree.

“Don’t worry sweety, you’re well out of danger here,” you murmured to your loyal steed, petting across her forelock gently before shooting up into the trees with the rest of your squad.

Grappling onto the first of many branches that would bring you nearest the top of the large tree, you glanced over at Eren with a smirk as you pressed down on the lever of your gas containers; a wordless competition for a race.

Sensing your mischief, Eren rolled his eyes. But he couldn’t quite hide the interest he took in your silent challenge.

Racing through the thick limbs, you couldn’t help but chuckle to yourself despite the dread this mission had placed the entirety of the Corps in. But a little fun far away from the danger might help ease the boy’s mind, right?

And maybe yours, too.

The two of you touched down nearly in synch, catching your breath as you playfully shoved at one another’s shoulders with mumbles of disagreements for who’d won.

Hearing someone clear their throat, you both stopped and stared ahead with wide eyes. The rest of the SOS had made it up to the top before the both of you, much to your disgruntlement.

“Oi, you shifters…or whatever they’re calling you now; you’re more trouble than you’re worth,” Oulo grumbled out, folding his arms loosely across his chest.

Shrugging your shoulders with a careless smile, you strode past him and jumped over to an adjacent branch and took a seat with your back propped against the trunk.

“Just lessening the tension,” you sighed, closing your eyes a moment.

“Lessening the tension, my ass. You act as childish as Jeager.”

“Hey!” Eren scrunched up his face and jutted his chin, squaring his shoulders as though ready for a fight.

“Oulo that’s enough!” Petra cried, shooting her companion a glare. “Captain Levi said that Commander said this was of utmost importance, so you’d better act like it!”

“Of course it’s of most importance dear Petra, I just don’t see why Captain placed me here among you children instead of taking me with him for assistance.” Oulo clicked his tongue in annoyance, his posture aloft and dismissive.

“Assistance in what? Impersonations?” Gunther scoffed from his place leaned against one of the thick tree trunks with a humored grin.

“Wh-I do not…”

“You do, Oulo.”

You smirked to yourself on the opposite branch. Their banter never failed to boost your moral. Especially now with so much clouding your mind.

You listened in as Eren jumped into the banter, and observed how the conversation took a more somber mood a moment later. With a grunt you stood and brushed yourself off, waltzing your way closer to your companions.

“Eld’s right, we’re in some weird shit right now. But don’t you worry Eren, we’ve got this under control,” you comforted the younger man with a grin.

He returned your smile, seemingly more at ease now with the reassurance of his friends. His shoulders were less tense now, and his hands finally fell from their fists.

With a frown you lowered your gaze to your boots. You understood his rage towards the beast. A devil, really. Another shifter in Paradis; only, this one was bloodthirsty and dangerous.

Hearing all those strangled cries behind you on the trail, accompanied by sickening crunches from bones snapping into pieces and tearing through flesh…It sickened you, made you see red as your hands shook. You’d had to restrain yourself as much as Eren from breaking formation then and there to take her out.

So many lives lost…So many you had to repay…

A sharp crack off in the distance startled you from your thoughts.

Turning to face the direction your comrades all stared off at, you saw a plume of black smoke shoot up over the tree line.

“A flair signal,” Eren gasped.

“That’s our cue. It’s gotta be Captain’s signal to regroup. We’ll head that way immediately,” Eld addressed you all, finally a small smile tugging at his thin lips.

“This’ll all be over soon. Gunther, watch the rear with Y/N. Petra, Oulo, stay at Eren’s sides. I’ll take the lead.”

“Sir yes sir!” You chirped, already clipping your handles to your blades. Taking a stand beside Gunther, you shot him a grin as you watch the others shoot off into the forrest ahead of you.

“No crazy stunts, L/N. Not till we’re back in HQ.” Gunther chuckled, loosening up more now as he shot off ahead of you.

Rolling your eyes, you leapt from the tree to catch up. “Yeah yeah. You keep Oulo and Petra under control, I’ll keep Eren and myself sane.”

As the forest flew past you in a blur, and your friends in front of you continued to banter back and forth through the air, you allowed yourself a deep breath of relief.

So far, everything had gone to plan…

═════════════════

“Levi, restock on your gas and blades then regroup with your squad. We must get Eren out of here as soon as possible.”

Scoffing under his breath, Levi watched as the carnage below nearly drowned out his Commander’s order. As the titans ravaged the unknown shifter’s steaming corpse only meters below him, the Captain ran a hand down his face in frustration.

“My tanks are full, and my blades were replenished earlier. I’ll be fine,” He countered, shooting a raised brown over at the tall blonde.

Erwin didn’t budge, his sharp gaze fixated on the scene below. “That’s an order, Levi. Restock, then regroup,”

Assessing Erwin only a second longer, Levi clicking his tongue in annoyance.

“Fine, I’ll do it.”

With that he shot down to the ground some ways away from the titans and quickly topped off his gas containers and placed new blades into the metal scabbards at his sides, before loading up a flair gun and taking off the way he’d come.

No matter how fast he flew through the trees scanning for any clues as to where his squad had gone, he couldn’t escape the rush of worries running through his mind.

If she escaped, she could be ahead of me…with them. If she didn’t, then we threw lives away for nothing yet again.

If she did manage to escape, and I don’t reach my squad in time…

Levi shook his head and grit his teeth, pressing down harder on the gas trigger.

No, I will reach them in time. I haven’t given the signal yet, so they haven’t moved from the trees. They shouldn’t have…They haven’t. They’re still there. She still there-

Levi’s train of thought was quickly interrupted as a shape came into view amongst the trees. A deafening crack bounced off the trees around him, with a light akin to lightning illuminating his surrounding more then they already were. A shift had occurred, no doubt, but from who, he had no way of knowing.

Through the yellow hue, Levi came to a brief stop near the object and sucked in a breath.

Twisted in his own wires, the lifeless gaze of Gunther’s eyes stared back at his face.

With newfound urgency, Levi was once again shooting through the trees.

I was too late. She did get ahead of me…

A second crack lit up the forrest, making Levi’s hands grip his handles all the more tightly as he listened to the undeniable scream of Eren’s rage resonating through forrest. Damnit, where were they…

Grunted curses flew from his lips nearly as fast as he shot through the trees, desperately scanning both the tree tops and the floor below for any sign of movement. Or dare he think, any sign of what might remain.

A scream he knew all too well filled his ears as he entered a clearing in the wood, knocking him from his line of focus. Whipping his gaze this way and that, he was unable to see where she might have gone. Instead, all he saw were the broken remains of his squad lying about in heaps across the trampled ground.

Goddamnit Y/N…Not you too…

═════════════════

What felt like days might have only been hours. Or even just minuets. Every second that passed you by only reminded you of the pain that coursed through every limb.

And still I failed…

Of course the flair signal had been a trap. You should have seen that coming. As Gunther fell victim before your very eyes, and the figure weaving in and out of sight to your left finally took form in the shape of the dreaded shifter, you’d lost yourself to panic a second longer than you should have.

As you were corned in the clearing, it took Eld’s spine snapping into two for you to shake yourself out of your panic. You’d failed to act as defense before now, but you’d be damned if you let this devil claim you all.

You shifted quickly, screaming at Eren to run. Your transformation distracted the female titan just long enough for Oulo and Petra to blind and immobilize her.

But not long enough for them to completely escape.

You’d charged her with a shriek, determined to avenge your fallen squad. Blow after blow you delivered and received, but never once did you waver.

Even when her stronger jaw bit clean through your arm, severing the limb halfway up the humorous. Even when your legs were clawed from your hips and your face torn nearly in half.

Even then, you didn’t stop. You couldn’t stop.

Briefly you registered Eren charging in behind you as you clung to the female titan, ripping through the skin of his hand to kickstart his own transformation. You could do nothing but watch as he tackled her, and in turn you. With your broken body flung to the side, you were unable to dodge the next blow thrown your way. The hardened skin of the titan’s heel came crashing down only a foot away from your nape, making your world go completely black.

Now, unable to claw your way out of your titan, you were left steaming in the woods. Unable to move, unable to call for help.

Whether Eren had defeated her, you feared you’d never know. Regardless of the outcome, you started to think that maybe this fate that had befallen you was well deserved.

What good was a shifter like you when you couldn’t even complete an order?

The sound of wire cables anchoring into the trees somewhere around you caught your attention. Though you couldn’t see through titan’s eyes, you could still hear. Straining to listen, you heard the zipping of cables cease, only to be replaced by rushed footsteps and a panicked call.

Another moment of silence followed, in which you were only slightly aware of a presence standing on your titan’s back. Blinding light filled your senses, and you felt your body being forcefully removed from the wreckage.

Finally able to see, you turned your head with a grunt to see just who had pulled you out.

Forehead damp with sweat and evaporating titan blood, hands shaking as they held you up into a seated position with a pained grunt. You squinted your eyes and furrowed your brow.

“L-levi?”

“You don’t have the energy to talk, brat. You’re not healing as fast as you normally do.” Levi grumbled, observing your steaming body.

A raspy chuckle escaped your chapped lips despite yourself. “Probably cause I got stepped on. Should have seen what I did to her though.”

“I did. She escaped.” He replied bluntly, picking you up with ease as he stood.

Letting your head fall against his shoulder, you let out a shaky sigh. “I’m sorry. I didn’t act fast enough. If I had…t-the squad…she wouldn’t have gotten away-“

“I said you don’t have the energy to talk brat. Focus on healing yourself while I rush us back to the front. They’ve started to depart, and I’ll be damned if we’re left stranded out here alone.”

Humming half heartedly in agreement, you closed your eyes as you felt him shoot back up into the trees. For a minute, you did try to focus on healing. But at the moment, that felt impossible.

No; undeserving.

“I’m sorry…I couldn’t save them.”

“It’s not your fault, Y/N.” The soft tone of his voice surprised you, making you peer up at him.

“You did what you could. And it’s more than any of us could have done. Both you and Eren will be returned to base soon enough. I’m just glad you survived.”

“But the others…Gunther, Eld, Petra, Oulo…”

You felt him physically shudder at their names being spoken. Undoubtedly, you knew he had seen what you had. Shying away from his gaze, you kept your eyes on your steaming skin.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” he sighed, coming to a stop by grappling into the nearest tree and kneeling against the bark with a pained huff. “I wasn’t there in time. Not only did the bitch get away, but it left you injured in the process. I never wished for you to end up in this state.”

You examined his face, what of it you could see as he turned away. The pain etched into every mark lining his furrowed brow only made you feel worse.

“I won’t end up like this again, and that’s a promise. I’ll get stronger, I’ll be better,” you whispered, gently tugging at his chin to make him meet your eye.

“It won’t be like this next time. I’ll train more, prepare more…so that I can save more.”

Finally, his frown let up and his brow relaxed. Cradling you more firmly against him, he caged you in his arms and shot his wires into the next tree. To your surprise, he looked down to meet your eye before taking off again; this time, with a hint of a smile.

“Well unless this training idea of yours involves setting me up in another damned tree without my gear, I’ll be there with you. Every step of the way.”

[flame-shadow]

Art style is a fascinating thing to think about. On one hand, it's just a fancy way to refer to how you draw. On the other hand, it feels like it's your identity, your voice. It's a huge factor in how people perceive your art. The presentation, the shapes, the lines, the colors. So many factors that could mean nothing or everything. What you draw when you're a novice will often exist as echoes in your later art. The techniques you picked up from others worm their way into being integral parts of your process.

My art style feels like a mix of everything and nothing. I still use colored pencils in some of ways that I was taught during an after school art session. There's a certain technique I keep in mind thanks to a camp I went to where I painted with only a sponge, a method of daubing that I still use in my acrylic paintings even though it's with a brush (though I should get a sponge and see how that feels). For a long time, I drew theropod dinosaurs and that influenced way too many Pokemon reinterpretations I did hahaha. I think some of what I internalized during that phase still carries through in similar art I make today.

And most influentially, since I didn't have a specific media whose art style I followed, what affected and continues to affect the actual method of how I draw is an injury to my drawing hand. It hurt, it healed poorly, and it changed how I had to draw. It made it so slow, precise lines and tight details were less feasible. It made it so I had to draw with more of my arm, faster strokes with less precision, but over time, I've managed to make these strokes cleaner and more expressive. It's something most people notice first when they look at my art (at least based off what I see/hear when they comment on it). But for a long time, I hated it. I missed the slow precision that I had previously been known for (again, based off what was brought up when my art was talked about) and been comfortable with. It took me years and years to bring the new sloppiness into something I felt okay with. I have grown to enjoy the swooshes and the flicks and the mildly angular shapes I make as a result, but sometimes if I think about it too much, I feel a little sad that when I essentially re-learned how to draw, I lost the "voice" I'd developed before that. Not all of it, but much of it is different now.

And yet, between how I drew before and how I draw now, I think it's still fairly clear it's my art. How I see the world, how I understand light and shadow, how I adjust anatomy, what proportions are most comfortable, how I understand expressions and body language, etc., All of this also affects my art style and isn't dependent on my injury or lack thereof.

I have never really tried to develop a ~recognizable art style~ like I see other people stress about, but it doesn't stop me from looking back and observing how my own has developed and changed.

IDK if this all even makes sense. Um, final thoughts- "art style" is like your voice. It can be very influential to how your art is perceived, but even if the visuals or the techniques change (like speaking in a different language or picking up a new accent), it's still you making the art. It's still your brain processing the ideas and translating them into a visual medium. Your art style goes deeper than just how you draw. It's a representation of your perception and understanding of the world.

[silkylious]

Safe (Kaminari Denki x Reader)

Warnings: slight angst/insecurities, comfort, fluff Pairing: kaminari denki x reader Prompt: #58 “You make me feel safe”

A/N: idk why but i hc that kaminari is actually very insecure but jokes around and shit as a coping mechanism. can you sense the self projection here. hope you enjoy this, it was very fun to write!

You sprung forward, eyes wide awake with alarm. Your mind struggled to catch up with your body; phantom sensations still lingering on your skin, static scenes of vibrant blue flames scorched into your brain as your heavy breaths died down into a slightly more regulated rhythm. This was the fifth time this week. It’s been two full months since the training camp, two full months since you’ve moved into the dorms and you still weren’t over it yet. The nightmares just wouldn’t stop.

You plopped back down on the mattress, exasperated and thoroughly annoyed at having your precious slumber cut short. Again. Honestly, for such a prestigious school, U.A. has probably the worst counseling team you’ve ever seen­– or haven’t seen, because despite several of your classmates showing painfully obvious signs of trauma, the school staff has barely stepped in. You huffed at the administration’s incompetence, turning on your side to glare at nothing in particular. A ping interrupted your train of thought, drawing your attention to the device laying on your nightstand. You snatched your phone, unlocking it and immediately squinting at the brightness before checking the time. Three in the morning. Who the hell would text you at ass o’clock in the morning? You knew who.

Pika pika⚡: [image] [image] [image]

some maymays for when you wake up 😌😌

You: they’re called memes ffs

Pika pika⚡: you’re awake??👀

You: no.

The message was left on seen, though the interface of the messaging up was replaced by that of an incoming call. You rolled your eyes, though a slight smile stretched your tired features at the picture of you and Kaminari grinning at the camera. You accepted the call.

“Why are you up?” His voice came through mildly distorted but still as loud as ever, too loud for three in the fucking morning.

“Can’t sleep,” Your answer was slightly muffled by a yawn, betraying just how exhausted you were. The silence that proceeded was deafening, neither of you uttering a word, but you could faintly hear his even breathing. It was oddly calming. You sigh, lids blinking to fight off your drowsiness.

“…You’re still having nightmares?” Words tinged with worry, his voice was much quieter now, gentler. If anything, Kaminari was a great friend. He’d proven that to you time and time again. He was the only one that could tell when you were drowning in hushed misery, seeing through your well-constructed front like it was second nature to him. For someone so astoundingly moronic, he was extremely socially intelligent, and even observant when he wanted to be. And for the umptieth time, he’s showing you just how easily he could pick up on the small traces of discomfort in your voice, the silent plea left unspoken from your lips.

“Yeah…” The reply didn’t come out as resolute as you’d wished it would have been. But it couldn’t be helped. No matter how hard you willed yourself to level your tone in hopes of fending off his concerns, you knew it would all crumble at some point. Go figure your strong façade would fall apart in front of him. It’s always been him. For some reason unknown to you (yet), confiding in him just felt right, secure.

More silence ensued.

Denki was a natural at detecting people’s emotions, but that’s as far as his expertise would go. Sure, he knew how to encourage others, pushing them past their insecurities was as easy as breathing to him. With bright, golden hues and an obnoxiously dorky grin, all he had to do was utter a few optimistic words and that would get the job done. But comfort? Vulnerability? That was so far beyond the shallow waters he’d grown accustomed to. Sentimentalities weren’t his thing, he simply didn’t posses the wisdom and eloquence needed to deal with such situations. His immediate reaction would be to crack a joke, fruitless attempts at lightening the mood but he knew there was a time and place for jests, and this wasn’t one of them. Awkwardness and half-hearted jabs were his immediate reaction… because that’s how he dealt with his own problems too.

“Hey… can I come over? We can play animal crossing or something,” You sure as shit wouldn’t be able to sleep, not in this state. You needed a distraction. A friend.

“What if we get caught?”

“Would you even care if we got caught?”

A light chuckle. “No,”

“Exactly. I’ll be there in a bit.”

The line went dead, he stared at the blank screen of his phone before flopping onto his back. Why you’d be so open with him of all people when he saw just how uneasy around his other classmates, he didn’t know. The list of people he thought were more deserving of your trust was almost unending, and he wasn’t even close to the top of it. One thought brought forward another, each one getting progressively more deprecative, and the sloppily sewn patch over his self-doubt started to tear, ripped off its poorly embedded stitches. He was confident in himself, until he joined class 1-A that is. He just felt… there compared to his peers. His body was nothing to laugh at, but his build was still considerably lean compared to the people he was around. The fact that such a talented, hardworking person had taken interest in him was frankly baffling. He wasn’t as flashy as Todoroki, or as powerful as Bakugo, or as brainy as Midoriya. He was just him. Lackluster, average him. It only added insult to injury when he’d witnessed how they looked at you. They pined for you, and he couldn’t blame them. He craved you too. But god, the nagging thought that you were wasting your time hanging around someone like him, that he was stealing you away from people who were (in his opinion) glaringly more worthy of cherishing you than him, it just wouldn’t go away. You had so many stronger, smarter, better options out there that he couldn’t help but be reminded of how lacking– inadequate he was compared to seemingly everyone else. And yet you chose to get close to him. In a superhuman class full to the brim with prodigies and workaholics, you picked him. It didn’t make the slightest bit of sense.

He was fished into reality and away from his sea of self-doubt when he heard three consecutive knocks on his door. Just how long had he laid there, wallowing?

The door creaked open and you were greeted with the glorious sight of Kaminari in a Pikachu onesie, a ruffled (adorable) tuft of electric, blonde hair peeking out from under the hood. You snorted.

“Nice pj’s,”

Denki blinked, looking down only to realize that he hadn’t changed out of his onesie because of his overthinking session. An embarrassed chuckle escaped him as he scratched at the side of his cheek, a lopsided smile and a cherry tint creeping up his complexion.

“What can I say, I always have to be on brand.”

You loved that about him. He seemed so laid-back, uncaring, willing to roll with whatever punches were thrown at him, playing off jocular comments and rude insults alike with practiced ease. Giggling past him, you situated on his bed, ready to forget about your nightmares and just have fun with your friend. And if Denki was a genius at anything, it was having fun.

Hours flew by at the pace of minutes, it was now six in the morning, the sun had begun to show its yellow glow and you’d spent the entirety of dawn kicking Kaminari’s butt at Mario kart, sharing laughs and fleeting touches. He liked this, you liked this. Despite knowing that he wasn’t by any means the best suitor for you, he couldn’t halt the need to monopolize you. How could he, when your very presence (unbeknownst to you) shoved his insecurities unceremoniously into the backseat in favor of enjoying the moment with you? He hadn’t a clue how you did it, but you always managed to shoo away his doubts just by being there, and he selfishly couldn’t (and wouldn’t) let go of that. You immersed him in riveting ventures of the now, miles and acres away from his overbearing thoughts. All without even trying, without even knowing it.

It was the weekend (thank fuck) and sleeping in sounded like heaven on earth right now. If it weren’t for your nightmares. The fear of recounting those horrid memories in horrific detail again barred your eyes from sleep, regardless of how spent you were. Apparently, Denki’s spidey-friendship senses kicked in again, because he immediately noticed the apprehension on your face, the stiffness in your movements as you were preparing to leave. He knew exactly what was up with you, and he couldn’t let you leave like that, it would eat him up for days. He grabbed your wrist as you turned for the door.

“Do you wanna stay?”

Maybe it was your exhausted mind finally turning into mush, or maybe it was the softness in his voice, the docile concern in his eyes that made you agree on staying. Your compliance surprised you both, honestly. You were both very aware that you wouldn’t have accepted the offer had it been anyone else. But in retrospect it seemed rational. After all, throughout the whole night, not once did you think back to the horrors that would visit you in your sleep, not once did you feel the crippling anxiety clawing at the frayed edges of your psyche. Instead you felt secure, sound. Safe. And you came to an epiphany. Maybe it wasn’t the idea of sleep that scared you, maybe it was the impending loneliness, isolation and uncertainty that you’d often experience without him.

“Yes,”

You laid there, facing each other, a considerable distance between you. No words exchanged, yet you could tell there was a lot on his mind. He decided to voice it all in one question. He knew you were smart enough to catch the underlying self-doubt in his vaguely worded inquiry. Whether you pointed it out or not was entirely up to you, however.

“Why did you say yes to me?”

The articulation caught you off guard, you’d never seen him so… unsure before. Your mind raced with the different possible implications behind his wording, though you decided to quell them all with one single sentence. You smiled, soft and lazy, moving closer to seek out some of his warmth.

“You make me feel safe, Denki.”

And he really did. Even though you came to the revelation mere minutes ago, you accepted it swimmingly, it felt right to do so. It startled you how ready you were to embrace the newfound feelings, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Kaminari was stunned, to say the least. He hadn’t expected that response from you and he honestly still couldn’t rationalize it completely either. But for now, the budding feeling in his heart trumped over his ever-present uncertainty, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

[maplecornia]

chapter 15

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 2.04K

𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢: romance | slice of life | fluff | angst | bts x female!reader | ot7

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: You watched them from the sidelines ever since you were a young teenage girl. Now you’re grown up, they’ve returned after 2 long years and everything has changed. What happens when you pull back the mask and find the darkness within? What happens when you see that they’re broken?

𝔞/𝔫: these next few chapters i really like, they're a LOT of connection time between tae and yen. plus idk why but since a majority of this chapter happens in the rain it just makes it ten times SPOICIER

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰: cliffhangers | angst | fluff | slight mentions of self hatred | depression | mental health illness | self harm | occurs in the year 2024 | set in a timeline where BTS went to the military together | slight language

tags: @kookaine | @fangirl125reader | @kookiebbyxx | @taradevonne | @rae-bear |@mangminnie | @pixiekooo

They leave you behind.

As you watch them go, you can't help but be reminded of that which you have lost. The sight of their hand linked together shocks you with a pain deep in your heart. Ignoring the lump turning in your throat, you bat away your memories, and try to rise and wave goodbye.

Keyword….TRIED.

“Oh, no you don't,” Taehyung says as he pushes on your shoulders, sitting you back down.

You plump down on the wall, tilting your head up to glare at him. He meets it with a look of his own, before slowly bringing the ice up to his face, and grinning almost manically. You roll your eyes, leaning back, and he chuckles, positioning himself on the ground with the ice.

“So, what were you telling those kids anyway?”

You sigh, taking out your sketchbook once more as he tries his hardest to open the bag. You only need one pencil at the moment to finish the drawing, so as you bring it out, you smother your smile at his struggle, resisting the urge to mutter karma underneath your breath.

“Nothing much….just a story they asked me to tell.” You explain, not wanting to draw attention to your drawing or have him looking at it any closer than he has to. There’s something about him looking into it, about him seeing what you can see that scares you.

“Are you okay?” His voice breaks you out of your thoughts and you blink, looking up at him, and finding his eyes mere inches from yours. His hand rests on your knee as he pushes himself up to meet your gaze, his long dark eyelashes fluttering as he blinks. As you slowly nod, he pulls away, chuckling. “For a moment there, I thought I lost you. Where did you go?”

“Nowhere. I was just...spacing out I guess.” You say, shrugging it off, and resuming your preparation. You twirl your pencil in your hand, smirking as Tae finally opens the bag, the contents inside spraying out in an explosion. He lets out a surprised splutter, and you release a small laugh before turning away and starting your lazy task of filling in the last minute details of your work.

He brings some of the ice out of the massive bag and places it inside one of the many plastic Ziploc bags he had hidden in his backpack. Why he has Ziploc bags in there, you don't know, but who are you to judge when you have “emergency towels” in yours? Once he closes the bag, he turns to your foot, which you have delicately placed over your right leg to rest it. He reaches for it, but hesitates, looking up at you.

“Ummm...may I? That is to say, is it okay if I….ummm…” he asks a bit uncomfortably, and you raise your eyebrow at him over your sketchbook, smirking a bit just to tease him. He doesn't move, his hand held in an awkward hovering position over your foot, and you try to resist the urge to laugh at the uncomfortable look on his face.

“I suppose. That is if you don't mind the stink.” You remark, and he wrinkles his nose at you. You chuckle as he turns away, preparing to pull off your shoe.

He zips down your wedge and pulls it off of your foot, gently. Almost as if you were Cinderella. As he pulls off your shoe, setting it beside the rest of the ice, he makes a big show of how “stinky” it is, pinching his nose. You laugh, hitting him on his arm, and he laughs too, flinching away.

“I’m just joking! I'm just joking!!!” he cries, laughing before you end your attacks, giving him the stink eye. It's pretty futile, considering you can't stop the grin from spreading on your face.

As he works, examining your leg, his hands explore the space between your calf and your foot. With a soft touch, they tenderly search for any sign of swelling, anything that might indicate a trip to a hospital, or something worse than a mere bruise.

As they touch the space between your tights and your foot, where the material breaks and his soft fingers brush over your bare skin, a shudder passes through you. Your heart accelerates, and you can feel it as your face flushes beet red. Immediately, you hide behind your sketchbook, clenching your eyes tightly shut. You try to tell yourself to ignore it, that they are just fingers, just the touch of someone who's trying to help you out.

However, the fact that they are his fingers, the fact that it is his touch, refuses to be ignored. Finding your breath has come short, you glance at him, hoping that he hasn't noticed. Thankfully, at the moment, he is too distracted by his inspection.

Eyebrows furrowing in concentration, he decides to pull off your sock to get a better look, this time not even asking your permission. As he does, you hiss in pain, his fingers passing over a tender spot on your ankle. He immediately stops moving his hands, flinching off you as he looks up.

“Did I hurt you?” he asks softly and you shake your head, pulling back a bit and swallowing hard. Now you're worried, you didn't think it would be this bad.

“Can I…?” he inquires, gesturing back to your leg, where his hand rests carefully underneath your ankle. You nod mutely, swallowing hard, as you set your drawing aside and position yourself securely on the bench. You brace yourself for the next time he touches you, pulling the sock completely off and setting it inside your wedge beside him.

This time when you feel the sting of pain, you merely wince, sucking in a small intake of breath. He looks up at you, as though asking if you're okay, and you shake him away. He nods before inspecting your ankle. As he angles your foot to the side, your eyes widen at the sight of your ankle.

Curse that damn suitcase.

When you fell, you felt your ankle twist beneath you because of the suitcase behind you, but you didn't imagine it would have this much of an impact.

The entirety of your outside ankle is discolored, a mixture of blues, purples, and dark greens to show you that it is a bruise. It's begun to swell, turning into an ugly injury, one that you can't possibly walk on. When you tried to walk earlier, you only made it worse, making it swell and discolor; hardly giving it any time to heal. Your tight shoe put only more pressure on it, which didn't help matters.

“Taehyung….”

“I told you.” His voice is soft, but you can hear the frustration behind it. The anger which makes his words sting, which makes you wince. As he looks up at you, you can see the irritation clear on his face. Accusing you, forcing you to admit that you were wrong.

“Why didn't you listen to me? Now….” he breaks off, shaking his head as he swallows hard and picks up the Ziploc bag of ice. You stay silent, unsure of what to say, unsure of how to apologize for your pride.

Taehyung carefully wraps your leg in the ice, bringing out the athletic tape he keeps in his backpack. Truth be told, he had almost forgotten that he had it with him. He silently thanks Jungkook for convincing him to carry athletic tape with him. Who knew that he would have to use it to treat an injury that a stupid girl refused to treat herself?

Watching you do this to yourself...

It's almost as though he were watching Jungkook tire himself out to reach perfection.

As though he were watching Jimin starve himself, or work himself to exhaustion because he never believes himself to be enough.

As though he were witnessing JHope sacrifice his happiness just so that everyone else can be happy.

As though he were watching Namjoon and Suga work so tirelessly to produce their music, just to make it as perfect as they believe it should be. Sometimes sleeping at the studio, or staying awake through the night.

It’s even worse when he sees Jin in you.

When he sees how you give everything up. How you give yourself up just because you’re trying to hold everyone else together. Just because you’re trying to hold yourself together. Just so that you won’t break. You feel as though your pain is nothing, as though you are nothing compared to everyone else and that to fix yourself, you have to save others.

Tae sees that in Jin every day.

All because he wants their happiness over his.

Tae hates that.

It's almost as if, watching you, he were watching his friends waste away just so that they can succeed in a life that won't last forever.

It angers him, that he can't protect them from a pain that isn't so easily cured.

Now...he's feeling the same anger towards you.

You regard Taehyung with wary eyes, watch as he secures the Ziploc bag around your ankle with athletic tape. Something he had randomly in the simple black backpack which rests on his shoulders. He has to make at least two more bags of ice before your entire ankle is covered, the ice offering a sweet relief from the pain you were experiencing before.

You have to refrain from letting out a deep sigh of relief as it immediately begins to erase the pain, but you manage, biting your bottom lip softly. He nods in satisfaction as he finishes, letting your leg rest gently back on the ground. As he finishes, his eyes rise to yours.

“I'm sorry.” You whisper, and he looks away, as though reminded of why he was mad at you. His hands release your leg and he gathers all the materials he used to help you out, starting to put them away. You continue, trying to explain yourself, as though that will somehow make things better. “I guess I didn't want to trouble you, I didn't mean--”

“Why?” His question is soft, but immediately cuts you off.

“What do you mean?” you ask him, as he puts away his supplies and scoffs.

“Why was it such a problem?” he asks as he raises his eyes to yours. Despite the hat, you can see how his eyes pierce into yours. How they tear down every wall you have ever built and shock you deep into your core. When you don't answer him, he continues, tying the large bag of ice once more, and leaning it against the park bench.

“Why did it matter if I wanted to help you? It was my choice, my issue. So why did you try so hard to walk away?” as he picks up your shoe and offers it to you, he rises as well, holding it to you. Slowly, you take it, placing it on top of your satchel. There’s no way you're going to fit that around your ankle now.

You sigh before answering, almost unsure of what to say.

How to answer.

You’ve always been like this. Never accepting help, wanting to do things on your own….it's just how you are. It wouldn't change just because you meet someone slightly more famous than everyone else out there, that's just not how it works.

At least, not for you.

“I didn't feel like I should burden you.” You murmur.

As you say the words, he can't help but stare at you, all of his frustration fading away. He can't help but feel surprised at the answer.

“You're not a burden,” he says softly, drawing your eyes to meet him. He smiles kindly at you. “I wasn't obligated to help you, I wanted to. So don't worry, you aren't a burden.”

Lost in the moment, neither one of you looks away.

So lost in him, you almost don't hear the thunder before the first lightning bolt strikes the sky.

You both break away at the sound, staring up at the sky.

The rain starts as a mere trickle of sprinkles but soon grows into a roar of harsh, pounding droplets of tears from the sky within a few seconds. You flinch away from it, immediately dropping your head and shielding your eyes from the rain. Taehyung does the same, flipping up his hoodie over his hat, as though he needed more protection.

People are running from the rain, heading for cover. There are shrieks everywhere as the downpour begins, and surprised bystanders try their best to hide from it.

You take it all in with wide, dazed eyes, but honestly, you can’t feel anything.

Maybe you should be panicking, maybe you should start moving, trying to find some kind of shelter, but you just sit there. Your eyes glazing over, the rain around you reflecting your hopelessness, your despair, your pain. It all combines into a cold numbing feeling that resounds through your body, makes you go still, makes you retreat into the flaming chaos of your mind.

Taehyung starts saying something as he turns from you, surveying the rest of the crowd.

You try to hear him, you do, but as your eyes wander over to the bench beside you, they are lost, in the roar that starts to grow in your ears. Your heart immediately drops to your stomach in disappointment and panic, as you see it.

Your sketchbook, open and bare, on the bench next to you.

It lies there, vulnerable, as the raindrops desperately soak up the page.

Frantically, you snatch your sketchbook off from the bench beside you.

Biting your bottom lip, you hide it in your massive coat which still hangs around your shoulders, trying your hardest to dry it off in frantic fear. You try to ignore the lump turning in your throat, try to ignore the burning behind your eyes.

Was it all for nothing?

You swallow hard, holding your sketchbook safe to your chest, your coat protecting you so far from the rain which has fallen. You would have stayed there through the whole storm, wallowing in self-pity, if not for Taehyung.

As the rain pelts down, the storm growing fiercer by the minute, he literally has to take you by the arm, and shake you before you awake and finally register what he's saying.

“Did you hear me?!” he shouts, his hand tight and cold around yours. It's drenched, and his hat is dripping as he leans in front of you, shouting words you barely register. It's only then that you hear the deafening roar of the storm, the faint screams, and shrieks around you, and his panicked voice. It’s only then that you feel the cold, the water running off of your body, the shivers coursing throughout. It’s only then that you awake from the thoughts consuming your mind.

Looking up at him, you allow yourself to be a bit amazed.

He woke you up.

“Come on! We have to go!” He shouts as he tries to pull you up. His slick grip tightens around your hand, as his urgency grows. Pulling on your arm, he tries to drag you along with him as he walks away, but you stop him.

You tug back, your hand slipping out of his. Pausing, he turns to you, confused. Raising your eyebrow, you mutely gesture down to your ankle, at the melting ice pack and makeshift compress he made for you.

His eyes darken with understanding as he moves back beside you.

Placing your arms around yourself and holding yourself in a tight embrace, you shiver in silence. You have gotten used to the rhythm of the droplets which fall on your head, drenching you from head to toe, and plastering your hair to your face and the back of your neck. They uncomfortably roll down your skin leaving behind small paths of rivers on your skin as though branding you with its mark.

You carefully slide your sketchbook into your satchel, closing it up tightly along with the rest of your art supplies. You stare at it, swallowing hard as you try to ignore the tears which threaten to spill on your already wet face. The trees' dense leaves have succumbed to the weight of the rain, and no longer offer much shelter for you, but as of this moment, you could care less. Smiling slightly, you bow your head, already resigned to waiting here through the rain.

As you clutch your coat tighter around your body, it takes you a moment, but soon you realize that the steady drum of the rain is no longer playing on your head.

Confused, you lift your bowed head and find Taehyung before you.

He stares down at you, those hazelnut eyes regarding you with guarded pain. Inches away from you, his hands are extended so that they rest on the tree trunk directly behind you. You share the same breath, the same heat, the same protection. He has provided a haven, a place where you can be safe from the storm around the two of you.

You meet his steady gaze with one of your own, a bit surprised.

“We have to go.” He whispers, his lips looking more glossy than ever amidst the humidity and the rain dripping off of his face. You swallow hard, forcing your eyes away from them and meeting his eyes, desperately trying to ignore how the rainwater has made his face shine in a very distracting way.

“I know that you can't exactly walk right now, but I’ll carry you.” He offers, pushing himself off of the tree trunk, and holding his hand out to you. You don't take his hand right away, regarding him with wary eyes. Tae grows impatient and bites his bottom lip with anticipation as the wind starts to blow harder, the storm growing worse by the minute.

“What are you waiting for?!” he shouts over the deafening gusts.

You hope your hesitation isn't too obvious, but Taehyung notices.

Of course, he notices.

If Jungkook were here, would things be different? Would you trust him to take you to safety?

He’s always felt as though he weren't good enough. Not for ARMY, not for his hyungs, not for his family, and now…

Not for you.

“What about your backpack?!” You call out to him from your perch on the bench, trying to distract from the real reason and bring up a new problem. A bit confused, he looks at his back as though he had forgotten it was there. He ponders the question for a moment before shrugging it off his shoulders and holding it out to you.

“You could carry it instead!” He responds, and you slowly take it, securing it around your shoulders. When you're finished, he looks at you expectantly. “Are you ready?!”

“Are you sure?! Wouldn't it be better to wait for the bus to come back?!” You cry out over the start of the storm. Taehyung, drenched already from standing in the rain for too long, rolls his eyes almost before taking you forcibly by the hands and lifting you off the bench.

Not expecting the action, you jump to your feet. Your foot failing you once again, you fall into his waiting arms, your hands resting securely on his chest. Shaking your head slightly, you raise your eyes to his and falter. The fact that he’s so close to you, that he’s holding you, causes your heart to soar with unimaginable emotion so much so that it's near impossible to pull away. His arms are secure around your waist, hands pressing against your back as you lean on him.

His eyes stare profusely into your own as you gaze at him, searching his deep pools of color. You're able to see the tiny raindrops which have caught onto his thick eyelashes, the smooth angle of his cheekbone, the defined muscle of his jawline.

You're lucky your hands are clinging to his chest because if they weren't, you might've gotten too close for comfort.

On the other hand...perhaps you're already too close.

You avoid his eyes, biting your lip furiously, as you command yourself to hold back. Now is not the time or place for your imagination to run wild.

His hands respond to your touch, wrapping themselves around yours as though instructing you to keep them securely on his chest. As though refusing to let you fall.

Breathing heavily, you look up at him at the touch, your wide, hesitant eyes searching his.

“Trust me.” He says, close enough now that he doesn't have to shout, recreating a space for the two of you to exist in. “I promise you won't fall, so trust me, please.”

When he looks at you that way, beautiful hazelnut eyes staring deep into your soul, it's hard for you to say no. You nod, mutely, and he smiles. After a moment, he slowly releases his hold on your waist, wrapping his hand around yours and directing it to rest on his back as he kneels on the wet, dirty concrete sidewalk, his back broadening as his muscles stretch to fit the position. Gathering your emotions, you hesitate, wondering if this is a wise idea, but Taehyung cuts through your thoughts.

“Just hop on! Act like it's a piggyback ride!” he instructs from the ground, causing you to smirk before you raise your coat over your head and prepare to climb on.

“Isn't that exactly what it is?!” you bring to his attention.

He smirks, unable to prevent the soft laugh from escaping his body. Letting out a soft sigh, you prepare to board him, as though he were a train, analyzing the best way to get on. You secure your injured foot first, and he wraps his firm arm around it, making sure that it's safe from the rain. Your other foot comes next, and you wrap it carefully around his waist, in the little bent position like most piggyback rides. With the other leg, you pull your entire body weight on him, wrapping your hands around his chest, right where his collarbone meets his pectorals.

As your entire body rests on him now, he is acutely aware of it. He tries his hardest not to blush, reminding himself that this was his idea, that he was the one who pushed for this. He tries to ignore the fact that when your hand accidentally slides up a bit and grazes his throat, he can't help the shudder that passes through his body as he immediately looks to the floor. He swallows hard, his eyes burning a hole in the ground as you pull your coat over the both of you, offering a sort of canopy or umbrella against the rain.

Once you've finished, you position yourself so that you're secure on his back, your face resting in the crook between his neck and shoulder. An action which he certainly feels as his heart seems to drop to the bottom of his chest at a million miles an hour. He takes a deep breath, steadying himself before turning to face you as best as he can. You pull back your face a bit as well so that you can get a clearer view.

“You ready?” he asks you, half teasing, an inquiry which makes you smile.

“Are you?” you ask in turn, and he looks away, laughing a bit before rising to his feet with surprising swiftness. You almost fall with how fast he stands, and you have to scramble to secure your hold around his neck. He laughs hysterically at your reaction, and you have to fight to keep your smile at bay before you smack him on his shoulder. You can feel him laugh beneath you. It's a warm sound, something that resounds throughout his entire body.

“Don't do that!” You demand, pouting almost before his laughter subsides. He glances at you once more over his shoulder, smirking at your pouty expression.

“I thought you said you were ready.” He challenges, raising his eyebrow, and you roll your eyes at him, lifting your head off of his shoulder.

“Correction. I said, ‘are you?’ Technically I never answered your question.” You retort and he chuckles, nodding as he turns his head to the road before the both of you.

“Is that so?” he asks and you nod. Finding it more comfortable to rest your head on his shoulder, you lean forward, your hands sliding down his chest with the movement. He falters at the touch and tries to drown out the incessant pounding of his heart with his voice. A futile effort, but an understandable one.

“Well, now's the time. Here, I'll ask again.” You roll your eyes at his condescending tone.

“Are you ready now?”

You wait a bit before answering his question, if only just to get on his nerves a bit. Overdramatically, you raise your hand to your chin, pondering the question and making a sort of humming sound as though you're thinking hard about it. He notices the sarcastic notion and scoffs. You pause for too long, however, and he grows tired of waiting.

After a moment, he raises his eyes to the warm canopy of your coat that you have offered, and pretends to drop you once more. Leaving you to cling to his neck frantically and him dying in a fit of laughter. You hit his head in retaliation this time, and he ducks, unable to stop his laughter. You can't help but laugh as well. When you gain your composure, you raise yourself a bit, by placing your hands on his slick head and pointing forward.

“Onward!” you cry. Taehyung chuckles to himself from underneath you, trying his hardest to gain his composure but failing miserably. “Go to Narnia!”

When you tap his head slightly as though they were the reins of a horse, his laughter fades and he smirks at you over his shoulder. At that look, you automatically wish you hadn’t said anything at all.

“Oh no.” You groan before he turns back to the road, and breaks off into a run down the street. You let out a startled laugh, barely managing to secure your hold around his neck before he’s speeding off into the distance. As he runs, you cling onto him for dear life, smiling with content as you rest against the crook between his neck and his shoulder.

A small space, yet you fit perfectly.

As though it were made just for you.

You hold tighter to him, and close your eyes, trying to convince yourself that this isn't a dream; that this is all real. That you are this close to Taehyung and it's not just something you made up in your mind.

You try so very hard, but when you open your eyes when you see his grin…

You are shocked all over again.

Once more, you find it hard to believe.

In an impossible situation, is it okay to believe that it's not all in your head?

𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢: so when i was reviewing them, i was like omg, i did NOT realize how many intimate scenes i put in there so ;-;

chapter 16 here

check the Infinite Stars masterlist for more chapters

check my BTS masterlist for other BTS content

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[blindedbythedarkness]

I know how dumb it sounds, it's the reason I've never tried to explain it to anyone. I'm not sure I believe it myself. But I've always felt like I'm... someone else. Like I used to be a whole other person.

I don't even know where to start with explaining it. More, I suppose, there are just a lot of things I can't explain. There are just a lot of experiences and feelings I have that I can't rationalise any other way (as if this is rational at all).

For one I'm afraid of things that have never really hurt me. Specifically knives. I have other fears, like deep water, given I've nearly drowned twice. And yet the fear I feel from that is nothing compared to knives. Its such a deep, visceral fear. I can't stand to see someone hold one and face in my direction. Even a butter knife.

And at the same time, there are things I crave so badly. More than makes sense. All I want is to perform and to play guitar. It's a feeling that's followed me since I can remember and I've learnt to just push it down. Because I can't do that. And because I would never succeed. But just like the knives, it's such a deep feeling. Far stronger and more ingrained than anything else. I mean, I used to play basketball. I was pretty fucking good to be honest, for a while at least, and then I got a lot of injuries and I had to stop. So, I miss it. I wanted to try again for years until I did not long ago. But not once did my desire to do it come even close to this need to be on stage.

It's not just a need to be on stage either. It's as though my body can't shake this belief that it knows how to play the guitar. I feel like I know how, no matter how many times I prove to myself the opposite. To pick one up feels so natural, and yet I've never managed to learn more than a few notes and my poor coordination removes any sort of musical flow. I know for sure that I have no particular musical talent, and yet my need to express myself with it, in a way I simply can't, has always been so strong.

Plus, I've never felt like me. I've never felt comfortable in my body, in my identity. I mean, I know who I am and yes that person is by definition, trans. But it's more than that. Yes, this body is wrong. But my name has always been wrong too and not just due to gender. I have never felt attached to any name. To myself, I am nameless. For the most part, I didn't change my name due to its gendered connotations, I changed it because some shit experiences meant it was enough to trigger a fight-or-flight response. I hoped that maybe I'd feel more at home with a new name, but I don't. I don't hate it, but it isn't truly me. None of them are. I don't know what I'm really called. And yet again these feelings come from a place so deep down, where nothing else seems to reach.

Also, (and again I know this sounds totally ridiculous), I feel like I've seen things. Seen some real shit. I don't know how else to explain it. There are situations with specific themes I hear about and I will feel as though I relate, as a fellow survivor. And then I will remember that it has never happened to me. I mean, its only in my head, but it still makes me feel guilty and like a fraud. Plus, I see shit in my dreams. I always have done ever since I can remember. I have the vividest, most fucked up dreams that I could describe and draw in detail most mornings. Maybe they're the reason I feel like I've lived through actual shit? But how I imagine their detail and specifics, I don't know.

I remember the first time I heard about a kid who claimed he had another life. We watched a documentary about it in a religious education class and I instantly discounted it. "He must've found all that out from somewhere, it isn't possible." But it stayed with me, bugging me for years, because I couldn't really explain it. Then, as the years have gone by, I've always felt drawn to more stories like that. I mean there's so many. I always felt a sense of... relation to these kids. Idk. I sound mad.

I feel like a fool even entertaining the idea to be honest. I'm literally a scientist and I have no faith. I've never believed in heaven or hell and logically, I just don't think there's any way there could be an afterlife. We're just a bunch of organic matter that decays. How could one person possibly become someone else?! And yet, there's still always this nagging feeling. Always in the back of my mind. I am not who I am now. I don't know how else to explain it.

I don't know. I don't know what I believe. I just know there is so much more to me than I am able to ever become or express and the frustration from that is very real.

[h0rr0r-enthusiast]

would you consider rambling about asa or jesse? I'm interested in what you have in mind for them

alright i’ve been pushing this off for ages for no good reason so here’s that long awaited list of random hcs about jesse ,, i only have a couple hcs about asa so i think i’d rather rewatch his films or read more about him before i write about him,, until then enjoy this

(uh this will probably get a bit long)

Jesse Cromeans Headcanons

- first things first, the is mf is bi. i don’t make the rules. this guy swf doesn’t care about gender but if u ask him about his sexuality he will either refuse to answer (he probably feels he’s too old for labels) or start askin if ur interested

- idk why but im convinced he's half or a quarter puerto rican. i just feel like his mom was puerto rican and married his dad when she was really young. she died when he was young and primarily lived with his father's side of the family. after his mother's death he lost contact with her side of the family so he doesn't feel a strong connection with his puerto rican heritage. i doubt jesse cares much either. i dont think he's ever felt much of a connection or had much of an interest in learning about his own heritage or family history.

- jesse doesn’t rly like animals, especially ones that shed. he doesn’t like them and they don’t like him, it’s a mutual understanding. he also can’t be bothered to take care of any animal no matter how minimal their care is. he does not want to meet ur dog and i can promise u ur dog does not want to meet him.

- his eyes are a slightly orangey brown w warm undertones,, theyre light enough that you can see all the lil details of his iris w/o any sunlight,,

- a lil more about his eyes ! considering he was stabbed in the eye while on the “job”, he likely didn’t have any time to properly treat it or receive medical treatment for it until after his incident,, obviously that means the eye’s not of any use anymore but i also think it’s likely that the chemicals from the glue on his mask that melted his face off also damaged that bad eye beyond repair,, this leads me to believe he wears a glass eye ! typically when i draw his bad eye it’s a dull grey but that’s just an artistic preference,, tbh he probably has a whole collection of various colors ranging from natural to more fantastical,, i also think he used to have perfect 20/20 vision before but w those glue chemicals being near his eyes he was probably blind for a lil while as he healed from his injuries,, i wouldn’t be surprised if all the blunt force trauma he received from getting hit w a bat damaged his eyesight even more. he probably got laser eye surgery to correct it.

- man definitely has tattoos. im not sure if he'd have full sleeves but i can imagine him gettin em in the future if he doesn't already have em (especially to feel better about his appearance and feel some sense of control over the way he looks). what im absolutely sure of is that he has his whole back inked up. i wanna incorporate his tattoos into my drawings of him but i need to design em first.

- another thing about his appearance- he definitely has his own gym at home. before the incident he likely had his own trainer but i doubt he has one now,, probably trains on his own so he doesnt have to show his face.

- keeps his home neat and tidy, but has house maids do all the dirty work adn heavy lifting for him. all he has to do is keep everything the same until they come back the next week. he also has one special cleaner who gets rid of any blood stains and bloody bandages from wounds. the other maids don't know anything about his less legal activities.

- he never invites one night stands to his home and always throws parties at a separate location. he owns multiple properties and never reveals his home location for both privacy and safety reasons. this was especially true for when his wife was still alive.

- he has a special morning and night routine for his face and its time consuming

- jesse has alopecia and hes had it for as long as he can remember. it's spread more and more over the years so at a young age he just decided to start shaving and waxing his whole body. after he started participating in less than legal activities he found being hairless to be pretty useful. for this reason he got the hair on some parts of his body (primarily arms, hands, and legs) permanantly removed thru laser hair removal. it makes it harder to trace any evidence back to him thru hair.

this is already rly long so im not gonna go any further for now

[the-hopeless-haze]

Somebody Sit in My Chair and Ruin My Sleep (Being Alive Ch 15)

A/N: Idk how I feel about this chapter but here u go I guess lol

Previous Chapter

content warnings: implied smut

WC: 1.9k

Rafael didn’t have any idea what he was walking into on Monday morning, but Jesus Christ, the fact that you let the squad know what happened - down to the very last detail, it seemed - was a horror show. Amanda avoids him in some show of female solidarity, Nick shoots him sympathetic looks, and Sonny - fucking Sonny asks Rafael how he is and won’t stop asking how you were, if he’d heard from you.

But why should he expect mercy from the woman who turned down his proposal?

And maybe he deserved it. Maybe he should’ve tried to read the room instead of just pushing forward. You had been right - that night certainly wasn’t the prime time for a proposal in the slightest. Hindsight is always 20/20, and he keeps remembering moments where you were slipping away inch by inch like sand past his fingertips, and he can’t believe how stupid he was that he chose to swallow it down and chalk it up as nothing instead of sitting down and actually talking to you.

Still, communication is a two way street, and instead of sending him vague signals that he was too obtuse to decipher, you could’ve sat down and talked to him too.

It’s so much easier to assign blame than take it, isn’t it?

Ultimately, though, he just couldn’t believe you weren’t on the same page as him. Didn’t you always say you wanted all these things? Weren’t you happy that Rafael finally felt he was ready, too? Perhaps though, in the midst of all his internal turmoil he truly forgot to assess your feelings on the matter. Yes, you said you wanted children, yes, your parents constantly threw comments his way about settling down with you, and yes, you’d told him on multiple occasions he wasn’t too old to get married if that’s truly what he wanted.

But where was your actual opinion on marrying him in any of this? It was lost in between the need you no doubt felt to constantly comfort Rafael about his current misgivings and past misfortunes and your parents’ well-meaning but busy-bodied comments. It was clouded by Rafael’s own mother’s opinions, and hell, even Sonny’s - everyone was so afraid Rafael was going to lose you that they pressured him into offering you a ring and a promise of forever - but little did anyone know that by doing just that... he had in fact lost you anyway.

His mother was devastated, weeping about how you would’ve made such a lovely bride, how she was already looking at suits for Rafael and venues for the wedding... he couldn’t handle it and left her apartment after ten minutes of her lamentation. He should’ve never told her, he should’ve never been so sure of what was going on in your head, because now he realizes he never had any idea. No one did.

So now, he snaps at Sonny, because Sonny is guilty by way of telling him ��oh sure, she’ll say yes” like anyone knew what the fuck you would do when the question was finally asked. Maybe you didn’t even know until he was down on one knee. Still, Rafael can’t help wondering if things would be different if the car accident never happened - deep down, he knows there were signs you were pulling away after Thanksgiving, but it’s so much easier to blame Sonny for it. You wouldn’t have sunk so low in a deep depression if you could’ve worked, if you weren’t immobilized by your injury... but would you have loved Rafael enough anyway?

“Will you shut the fuck up?” Rafael hisses at the younger detective. “You’ve been talking my ear off all morning.”

“Whoa, Barba, wake up on the wrong side of the bed today or what? I was just getting you up to speed on the case—“

“I’ve read the file. You don’t need to.”

“Fine. Liv’s in her office but I suggest cooling the attitude, because she’s not in a good mood either. Noah was sick and kept her up all night.”

“Lovely.”

And then, by some sick twist of fate, you walk through the door, and Rafael’s stomach turns. Never did you look so gorgeous, so beautiful, so fucking untouchable than you did now. It’s the first time in weeks he’s seen you in a blazer and slacks, the first time he’s seen you look like you gave a shit in months. And maybe that’s unfair - you were struggling, per your own admission - but it almost feels like all you had to do was lose the weight of Rafael and all his baggage that came with being in a relationship with him, and you were good as new.

He wonders how many of his exes could tell a similar story to yours, if that were truly the case.

You meet his eyes for a split second and he wants to drop dead. You give him a haughty smirk and head over to Amanda’s desk, turning your back to him.

Why couldn’t you just fucking leave like you’d said you would? It’d be so much easier if you did just go back home but like everything else that came out of your mouth that was merely a half baked promise you had no intention of making good on.

And maybe Rafael should’ve called you this weekend, but he couldn’t swallow his pride and come back to you with his tail between his legs after you rejected the proposal he’d worked all his life to be able to give. You never called him either, but if this was going to go anywhere, someone would have to talk first.

But shouldn’t it have to be you? You’re the one who asked for space. He’s giving it. What the fuck else was he supposed to do?

But now that you’re not living with him, now that you’re not even with him at all, you’re completely unpredictable. Never in his wildest dreams did he think you’d come over to him and Sonny, flash him your best sardonic lipglossed smile, and ask to borrow Sonny for a moment.

Rafael can’t even think straight, he can barely breathe, the rage coming up like bile and tightening his throat. How could you stand there and act like nothing was different now?

“Sure,” he snaps.

“Whoa, no need for the attitude, Rafael,” you say sweetly. “We can all play nice, right?”

Rafael doesn’t say anything, can’t say anything… he just shakes his head and walks to Olivia’s office. How could you compartmentalize like that, he’d love to know. Wasn’t this killing you, too?

The rest of the day proves to go by smoother, thankfully, albeit minor annoyances that come up like a snippy altercation with Olivia due to both of their bad moods and a taxi driver haggling him about the fare. Rafael still cannot wait to come back to his office and savor his fourth cup of coffee today after running around the city all morning, put his feet up and do some paperwork…

But you’re there, in his chair, with your feet up on his desk.

“Get out,” Rafael says before you can utter a word.

“I want to talk,” you say innocently.

“I don’t. Get out. Who the hell let you in here?”

“Carmen, duh. She still thinks we’re together, apparently.”

“Do I have to call security?”

You stare at him blankly. “You’d really call security?”

Rafael rolls his eyes, throws his briefcase on a nearby chair. “What the hell do you want?”

“Where do we go from here?”

“Nowhere. You ended it.”

“Okay, no, I just said I needed space. I didn’t end it--”

“Right. I need to work.”

“Okay. We’ll meet later then,” you nod, standing up.

“I didn’t agree--”

“I’ll be back in a few hours. I got to head back to the precinct in fifteen minutes anyway.”

Rafael hates doing this, showing a moment of vulnerability, but he has to ask, “Are you staying? In New York, I mean.”

“For now,” you say, softening too. “Obviously. I talked to Liv for a long time, talked to my dad.. And… I don’t know if being back home is the best course for me either. I’m just trying to get back to some semblance of normal, you know?”

“Right.”

“I’ll see you,” you say, walking past him and leaving his office.

How many years would it be before he did figure you out?

------

The two of you don’t really talk much at first when you reunite later on that evening. Rafael draws the shades in his office, and it’s all pulling at clothes, at skin, at hair and you’re not proud of it but you also don’t really regret that you let it get that far. You missed him, in an annoyingly cloying way, and what was better than makeup sex when the two of you were still pissed off at each other?

“You need…. You need to go to therapy,” Rafael pants after coming down from his high.

You have to laugh at that. Maybe that was only the 7th most offensive thing someone had said to you after sex. And, annoyingly, he was right, even if his delivery and timing could’ve been light years better.

“Mm. I know,” you tell him, pulling him in to kiss him again, his sweaty chest sticking to your back as you pull off him to lay, or rather squeeze next to him on the couch.

“You need to--”

“Let’s not get into the shit I need to do right now, okay? I know I have things to sort out. So do you.”

“Right. I’m sorry. I’m trying to help, and I’m trying to understand, but--”

“Right now… don’t. Just fuck me like that again.”

Rafael chuckles - damn, it was only two days and you missed his laugh that much? It just tugs on your heartstrings in the worst way, but you suppose it proves how much you love him, how you couldn’t just put this down. You hated being the first to let your guard down, to bring yourself to his office not once but twice… but you couldn’t bear to lose him, either, and you’d hurt him where no one else had. It had to be you who offered a new start.

“I need to eat, mujer. And as tempting as that sounds… we need a change in location anyway.”

You nod in assent. “Fine.”

Neither of you get much sleep that night, as you split a bottle of wine and a pizza and talk, cry, fuck, whatever… but it’s a long sleepless night you wouldn’t have traded for the world. Things are different between you two, naturally, but something has to be shed to grow, and maybe you left some good things behind along with the bad things, but it’s how these things go. You can’t expect a relationship to be standing firm after a rejected proposal. For the moment, you’re just happy the two of you found a way to get back up.

As you curl into Rafael’s arms at four in the morning, you don’t feel at peace - lord knows you still have so many things to worry about - but you do feel better, and if that’s all you can get right now, you had to be okay with that.

Taglist (ask if you wanted to be added!) @stormtrooperofficerbrowneyes​ @thatesqcrush​ @law-nerd105​ @blackeyedangel9805​ @moon-river-drifter​ @the-baby-bookworm​ @dianilaws​ @xecq​ @lv7867​ @teddybluesclues​ @averyhotchner​ @houseofthirst​ @stardust-fray​

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

♫ Surfing on a soundwave, Swinging through the stars, Take a left at your intestine, Take your second right past mars!

On the Magic School smelly space bus! ♫

SPOILERS for Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow #2!

This is a comic where, the longer I sit with a particular issue, the more I’m like, ‘yeah. Yeah. YEAH.’

It’s dense in a way that invites the reader to go through it multiple times, and rewards additional readthroughs.

Also, it helps that the art is FREAKING AMAZING.

Seriously. Evely and Lopes should draw and color everything, forever, always.

(I will honestly be shocked if they don’t get an Eisner nom for this book.)

Anyways, all of this to say: Another issue that I enjoyed. It has one of the most genuinely sweet Supergirl moments I’ve seen in the comics in a good long while.

So, if you’re looking for a quick thumbs up/thumbs down rating, thumbs up!

If you’d like some SPECIFICS, though...

THE STORY

King is an evil genius because we don’t pick up where we left off--rather, we start in the midst of the Space Bus journey.

There is technically a Big Action Scene, but I was honestly surprised by how...casually? the story progressed.

Essentially: Kara and Ruthye are forced to travel by bus because 1.) Krem stole Kara’s rocket and 2.) this corner of the universe doesn’t have the right stars, so Kara’s still recovering from being under a red sun for an extended period of time.

The bus makes occasional stops; they encounter a space dragon; Kara takes some Red Kryptonite and saves the day; they eventually arrive on a planet with a yellow sun. 

And again, all of this occurs with a kind of...breezy ease that I was not expecting at all.

I assumed that the space dragon fight would make up the final moments of the issue, after having built up the problem to a point where Kara needed to intervene.

But, noooope. The space dragon happens somewhere in the middle, which helps sell the central idea that this is simply Kara’s life. She’s been there, done that. She’s a badass who takes it all in stride.

But! Important to note! Ruthye still marvels at the sight of Kara taking out the space dragon, as well she should, because:

OH MY GOD. THE aRT.

There’s only so many times I can say, ‘it’s phenomenal, it’s gorgeous, it’s stunning’ before sounding like a broken record.

But it is. It truly is. This is the prettiest monthly book on the stands right now.

(Realizing I’ve been spelling Ruthye wrong this entire time, maybe? IDK. Apologies if I have.)

It’s in the final moments of the book that we learn what transpired after Krem shot Kara and Krypto and fled: Kara managed to get Krypto and Ruthye to a healer, and then passed out for a week. 

Ruthye and Kara recovered, buuuuut...

Krypto is still very near death because the arrow was poisoned.

The healer can’t treat him until he has a sample of the poison.

Which Krem has.

(See where this is going?)

So! Kara regains her powers! Ruthye has a super on her side! KRYPTO’S LIFE HANGS IN THE BALANCE!

Gimme. Issue. 3. STAT.

THE CHARACTERS

Very much enjoyed Ruthye in this issue!

There’s a really tricky balancing act you gotta pull off when writing child characters; you don’t want to just write them as tiny adults, but you also don’t want to be obnoxious or cloying in trying to write ‘true-to-age.’

King gives himself a bit of a cheat, by setting her up as a rock farmer from a...what would you call it. An old-fashioned planet? And thus the kind of character who had to ‘grow up fast’ and behaves more maturely than your typical pre-teen might.

BUT! IMPORTANTLY! This is tempered by placing Ruthye in situations where her (understandable) ignorance is challenged/put to the test. Like, yes, she is mature, and well-spoken, and utterly tenacious, but she’s also out of her depth, and still in need of help and guidance.

(Which is how we get to The Best Scene which I’ll get to in just a sec.)

TL;DR - this issue has really sold me on Ruthye as our POV character and I am officially Invested in the relationship between her and Kara.

Speaking of...

It’s KARA-CTERIZATION TIME!

So, okay. There’s some ‘eh’ stuff in this one, but, BUT!

We got the goods again.

And by ‘goods’ I mean this:

Whatever other nitpicks I have (and I do! Have one! Which I’ll get to!) THIS. This right here! This is Supergirl. This is Kara.

And what a beautiful line to introduce this moment:

“And it began--as most things begin when you’re dealing with Supergirl--with a moment of kindness.”

It’s the same gentle concern we saw in the previous issue, where Kara knelt down to address Ruthye eye-to-eye. 

Here, Kara’s facial expression, and the way she takes Ruthye’s hands and shows her what to do...

It’s just. SO SWEET.

Ahhhhh it’s so good. :D

So good! In fact! That the above scene offsets my one complaint, which is that Kara came off as harsh, IMO, when addressing the bus passengers, looking for Red K. 

Other good stuff from this particular portion of the book: we get Kryptonese (maybe? I think?) And a mention of Kara’s mother being strict about certain things, which is in keeping with the 2000s series version of Alura.

Ruthye also asks if Kara ever tried to avenge the death of her family/culture and she says no; Ruthye says that she heard a lifetime of regret in Kara’s response, which I suppose could be read one of two ways:

1.) That she regrets her choice not to avenge them, or 2.) that she regrets not having the option to avenge them, as there was no one person to punch, no single action that could rectify the destruction of the entire planet.

I personally prefer the second reading.

Which I suppose contradicts the recent-ish “Killers of Krypton” arc, but who knows what is and isn’t canon anymore, honestly. XD

As for the rest of the issue! I found myself thinking of a Grant Morrison interview, actually.

Morrison apparently met a Superman cosplayer at a con and that’s when the character clicked for them: “[The superman cosplayer] was so in the character, but what really got me was the way he was sitting. It was this absolutely relaxed pose with one knee up and the arm bent over, and that’s what broke Superman for me. Suddenly I realized that Superman wouldn’t be a poser, he wouldn’t be a Muscle Beach steroid guy; he’d actually be completely relaxed because nothing could hurt him. He could be so open and friendly to everyone because no one can punch him or hurt him. He can’t get a cold, or be damaged by anything you’re carrying or wearing. For me that was the power of that, whether you want to frame it as magical or not, it actually informed the stories I wanted to write. I felt I understood him in a way I hadn’t until that moment.”

That’s always stuck with me, the idea that Clark would be the most at-ease, chill guy you'd ever talk to.

And THAT, I think, is what we’re seeing here with Kara. That at-ease-ness.

But in a way that is distinct from Clark! In the above quote, it’s clear that Morrison thinks it’s Clark’s powers that are the reason he can be so relaxed and at ease.

But Kara is de-powered here. So why is she so chill?

Because Kara is an alien.

Kara’s in her element, here. She’s used to space travel, she knows the ins-and-outs, she’s not shocked by any of the weird stuff they encounter on their journey. 

Love it. LOVE. IT.

I am SO GLAD that King decided to go with Kara being the wizened mentor, as opposed to the naïve kid learning to be tough. It’s a much more interesting angle, IMO.

Also NO MENTION OF RIVALRY BETWEEN KARA AND CLARK. WOO. LET’S KEEP THIS ROLLIN’.

Alright, last, but certainly not least:

THE GOOD BOY! KRYPTO!

When I tell you I stress-read this entire comic first thing in the morning...XD

And I am STILL stressed. And a little sad that Krypto doesn’t get to go on another space adventure but! This is MIGHTY PREFERABLE to what I *thought* was going to happen, which is that Krypto would die from his injuries, and Kara would likewise be out for revenge. 

Fortunately, that is not the case! 

So like, the stakes?!?! Suddenly sky high. Find that dirtbag Krem and GET THAT POISON BACK TO THE HEALER!!

ART and MISC. STUFF THAT I LOVE

I generally don’t like to post entire pages of a comic, or panels without context, but the...reach? of this blog is extremely limited so. I think we’ll be okay. XD

So, alright! Some moments that I particularly enjoyed!

One of the panels that Mat Lopes shared early on! 

I want this lettered version on a mug.

(Also she looks very ’Grace Kelly-ish’ here.)

Love Kara’s facial expression and her line about space travel being more fun when you can fly.

From the same portion of the book--such a neat detail that Kara keeps her cash in her sleeve!

Another set of panels that I think Tom King shared a few months back.

Love Kara’s little smirk, and the, “I’m wearing a big yellow S on my chest, and a very fashionable red skirt.”

It IS fashionable. WE SUPPORT THE SKIRT, IN THIS HOUSE.

Also the slrrrrrrp. XD

It’s good.

Okay, 1.) VERY COOL SCI-FI DESIGN and 2.) that line is great. “Can you feel it, Ruthye? We’re getting closer. The stars are changing.”

Mmmm, them good cosmic Kara vibes.

Kara’s attitude about the Red K here is fun, like, ‘WELP, sometimes you turn into a monster, sometimes you don’t!’ but again, the line is what gets me.

“Did my hair move?”

“I do not believe so.”

XD

Honestly? I could post the whole comic here. Evely’s vision of ‘public transit, but space’ is just so immediately...not ‘real’, necessarily, because there’s such a fantastical element to it all, but it is fully realized. I think I used the phrase ‘lived-in’ and that’s it--this world feels like it has always existed; every grimy nook and cranny, every rando space bus traveler.

And Mat Lopes’ colors!

There are like, five distinct color palettes at work in this issue, and Lopes handles them all masterfully.

I think my favorite is the...I’ll call it ‘ethereal space aquarium’ lighting in the bus as they view the space dragon.

The glow and the shadows and the blues and pinks...

GGGGGGGGAAAHHHHHHHHHH so goooooooood

So, yeah. :D

I am very much enjoying this weird, wild ride with small, precocious Ruthye and wizened, crusty Kara. XD There’s some stuff that I don’t *love* but my goodness, it could be a lot worse!

Let us end on the beautiful title page:

[vanveronicango]

if you don't mind me asking, what aspects of s2 did you dislike? bc for me, although i liked it a lot better than s1 (mainly for the increased focus on sibling dynamic scenes). i also kind of realized that it had kind of a Lot going on, that although i appreciated, didn't get enough equal attention? idk

i agree that the dynamic scenes this season were pretty great. we got some great interactions between characters that didn’t have much last season (personal fave being klaus/allison/vanya and every individual combo in that trio). 

i personally love reading other peoples’ opinions on shows/movies, even if they don’t match my own, because a lot of the time they open my eyes to some stuff i haven’t seen, and i love to see work affecting others the same way it does me, even if it has a different outcome. 

so, i know  i said i wouldn’t, but since you asked, under the cut i’m going list out some of the stuff i wasn’t a huge fan of, and some of the stuff i really liked. 

(edit warning: this shit is LONG. but please don’t take this as me absolutely hating the season - I didn’t. there was some genuinely enjoyable stuff. but, in my opinion, it didn’t have the spark and intent that s1 did. it wasn’t the caliber of the season i fell in love with. i think it’s still rewatchable though, unlike a certain godawful season of a certain hit netflix show...... coughstrangerthings3cough)

WHAT I DIDN’T LIKE

1. not enough characterization/development in most of the characters (this will be the longest point, so I’ll get it out of the way first) - for one, the siblings - save maybe vanya & allison - really... did not develop much this season, and weren’t explored as heavily as in the first season. hell, even in vanya and allison’s cases, i still think s1 did a better job at delving into their characters and psyche, even though they still had a bit of it in s2. but especially in the other siblings cases, i feel like SO MUCH of this season leaned into trivial things the fans liked, that it either (at least) took time away from or (at worst) was an active detriment to the characters’ development and plots. they said oh you like banter? we’ll give you unnecessary arguing and jokes that go on for 20 minutes too long when we could be delving deeper into these interesting situations we saw on the surface. here’s some fart jokes and forgettable music when we could be seeing more of how these characters are coping with the literal end of the world/being sent back in time/facing the prospect of never seeing their families again. 

in s1, we got luther’s immense internal struggles in living up to his “name” and only existing to please his father... diego finding his relationships through his jaded nature towards his siblings and himself, and grappling with feelings of inferiority... allison’s coping with the effects her powers have had on her life, and trying to become someone without rumoring everything into existence, which is a new feeling altogether that she isn’t quite sure how to cope with... klaus going through intense development as a simultaneously self-obsessed and self-destructive drug addict that gets thrown into a gruesome war for a year, only to watch the person he loves most die, grappling with his ptsd from war & his abusive childhood, and discovering new powers... five coming back home after decades of solitude and then being used as a weapon, trying to reestablish himself within the group while dealing with an eating feeling that he doesn’t belong in his body or in this group.... vanya, oh vanya, with her depression, anxiety, feelings of loneliness and betrayal, feeling invisible and utterly ordinary, gripping to whoever makes her feel special (and dealing with that fallout) before suddenly being slammed with unbelievably powerful abilities that she can’t control.

in s2... yes, we get lesbian!vanya who becomes truer to herself, and - through intense struggle - finds a way to harness her abilities so she isn’t so out of control and can finally feel extraordinary herself. but much of the latter was given up for a vast majority of the season bc she literally didn’t know who she was (there was a positive in that though, which i’ll list in my positives list), and so we lost a LOT of potential coping and learning time, which easily could have mingled with her sissy storyline! allison’s storyline i actually dug, i don’t have too much gripe with it except that i wish her throat injury didn’t just kind of magically heal, and they could’ve addressed it more. the end of ben’s story was interesting, but still lacked depth imo. as for the other siblings.... it all just felt like a TON of jokes that were funny at first, but quickly became stale and had me wishing they would take the story a bit deeper. that said, a lot of the gags, jokes, and quips were great, but they could’ve been incorporated WAY more intelligently, and allowed for characterization at the same time. loads and loads of banter, not being balanced with poignancy like s1 did very well.

we could have seen luther’s descent into the criminal underworld, and why he felt the draw and obligation to go that route. a more detailed look at klaus’ beginnings and relationship with the cult, his motivations (which s2 kept super shallow), more of diego’s life inside the asylum and even beforehand. but no, we got five and old five farting.

2. the music - man, the s1 soundtrack was iconic, was it not? effortlessly cool scene/music combos, countless iconic music moments, brilliantly and thoughtfully done. this season felt like they said “music? oh ok throw music EVERYWHERE” and it was just. not. good. instead of music that intertwined with each scene like it was a character itself, amplifying the tone and adding a new layer (like in s1), the music this season was mostly just distracting, forgettable, and felt like they were this close to just making a bunch of music videos. i even found myself hating a couple of their choices (the rest i just kinda... forgot). i did like the vanya/allison/klaus dance scene, but other than that.... eugh.

3. the handler - I HATE. HATE HATE HATE. when shows/movie franchises do shit like make a big deal of killing off a villain or lead and then just being like “hehe jk uwu” and bringing them back with some totally bs reason that they lived. a metal plate? really? and she magically awoke... how long after? not to mention how unbelievably lazy and lame it is. they could’ve done so much more with carmichael and the swedes, but they had to bring back... the villain we already had? don’t get me wrong, i LOVEEE kate walsh, but come on. it’s season 2. give us something fresh.

4. the swedes - in s1, cha cha and hazel had personalities, wants, desires that were all explored. we knew their motivations, their doubts, their fears. we liked to watch them. then the writers threw in the swedes... who were completely devoid of any and all characterization (they could’ve gone in my #1 point too heyo), personality, backstory, anything. it was so painful that when each one died, it was clear that we were supposed to feel something for the others, but did any of you really feel anything? no. because we didn’t know these characters at all. they were walking guns, pretty much. nothing substantial.

5. ben & klaus - being someone who loves these two characters so, so much (hellloooo, my old url?), this one breaks my heart. i was so unbelievably disappointed with them this season. all either of them were was horrible to the other. in klaus’ case, he just decided to keep ben’s presence a secret, not even telling the group ben loved them, or that he was there. he called him his ghost bitch, he used him as a personal pet, he lacked sympathy or compassion. we saw a glimmer of hope when he allowed ben to possess him, but that’s where ben’s issues start. seriously, possessing your brother past his breaking point, fighting him out of his own bodily autonomy, until he is in a state of complete exhaution? then saying he “regrets nothing”? and then the show playing it off as ~comedy~ bc that’s almost all they cared about this season... no... there was nothing in their relationship this season that compared to last’s. no moments of tough brotherly love, where ben tries to help klaus through his drug/alcohol desires or ptsd flashbacks, no moments of teamwork (besides the brief moments of consenting possession before that was ruined), no tender moments between brothers in general. all just REALLY FUCKING LOUD “comedy”, anger, resentment, bickering, and cruelty, all played for laughs. not about it son

6. “we’re not blood related!” - and, once again, getting played for laughs... for a show that became uncomfortably self-aware with trivial fan desires (but not the deeper stuff...), they sure do lack a lot of common sense of realizing what we don’t want

7. hazel (& agnes) - they went through the trouble of saving hazel and agnes just to have agnes die off-screen before the season started, and for hazel to die five minutes into his only appearance? lame. lame lame lame.

8. plot pace - i don’t really recall any moments in s1 that i thought “this scene doesn’t need to be here”, “this is moving so slowly”, or “this is being really rushed”. there was plenty of all three of those in s2. s1 was constant, everything was either towards the main goal or was filled with private and fascinating character moments. i love just watching characters live and do their thing if it’s done properly... but those scenes this season really weren’t very entertaining (save one or two), didn’t really seem to serve a purpose or hold weight, and didn’t give us any character insight.

9. klaus - the reason he’s listed specifically even after i mentioned him in the first point, was because of how personally saddened i was by his “arc”, if you could call it that. i know, him being my favorite (along with vanya) in s1 isn’t an original thought. but the writers, directors, and robert created a character so entertaining, charming, layered, and multi-faceted that it was hard not to fall in love with him. for all his goofiness, he then got a shit ton of characterization and development in the war, in dave, in his ptsd and discovering his power. his poignant moments were so powerful because of how different it was from his typical outward appearance. and fuck if he didn’t develop! this season, klaus felt... shallow. the cult stuff had no depth, no real reason to be there at all (the show really wouldn’t be much different without it, besides it being how five and allison found klaus), and it was kind of a throwaway point anyway, just another tool to get - shocker - more laughs. those touching, serious klaus scenes were completely absent in s2... he was just the ~quirky~ and/or ~high/drunk~ guy. there was literally no depth to his character at all this season. yeah, he crawled from behind the desk in e9.... and what else? nothing. robert did all he could this season, but something tells me even he was probably disappointed by just how one-dimensional klaus was. he was really no different at the end than he was at the beginning of the season, which is a no-no. 

10. klave - this is kind of an expansion of #9, but i was so disappointed by it that it needed its own spot. the only stuff that was supposed to be serious in klaus’ story - the klaus/dave stuff - was really not good. the moment the shopkeeper said “david?” in the store, i literally gasped bc i was so excited... but that was the last of any excitement i felt for the two, which, if you know me, is BONKERS considering how much i adore s1 klave. but this new young actor had ZERO chemistry with robert (fuck if rob wasn’t trying, though. it looked painful for him, but this guy really was just not well casted) (cody and rob were phenomenal together and had a fraction of the screentime this new actor had), and klaus being 30 and this actor/character being a kid was just... weird to watch. plus... so many white actors look the same, they really couldn’t find someone who looked like cody ray thompson? c’mon now ...... also, was there any point to it? at all? dave just wound up going anyway and there was literally no differences made in that situation. i think the writers thought they were catering to the audience by adding dave, but you need actors with chemistry (cody! cody!!!) and a good plot to do so.

11. s1 fallout - there really was none. that’s it. you’d think there’d be more after the explosions in the relationships of these siblings, but everything was just kind of glossed over.

12. sparrow academy - mostly here because... does this mean 7 more characters? meaning MORE time taken away from our og siblings, who already (mostly) didn’t develop well this season? i’m not gonna lie, i’m worried/

WHAT I LIKED

1. the chestnuts - i absolutely loved ray, loved allison, and loved their and their group’s work this season. the issue of race is so important all the time, but in the 60′s the tensions were so high and it would’ve been a joke if the show hadn’t addressed it or just kind of went with little racist remarks. these two had some of the most touching scenes of the season, and the sit-in scenes/every police scene had me incredibly anxious. that was well done, imo. which is proof that they still know how to do a good storyline, which makes me even more upset that the show was overall lacking that this season. i’m also so glad they didn’t go the “oh sry ray i still love luther’ route bc i literally don’t know if i would’ve kept watching. ANYWAYS im gonna miss ray sm :(

2. vanya & sissy - lesbian!vanya is all i want and more. vanya/sissy was all i want and more. these two, much like the chestnuts, breathed so much life into an often-dull season. so in love!!! vanya connecting with harlan even in just the most human ways!!! sissy finally standing up to carl (and carl d*ing god bless).... little found family oh my GOD!!! super devastated that sissy didn’t come back to the future with vanya, but because of harlan’s ending, something tells me we haven’t seen the last of them. oh and i am so conflicted about vanya’s amnesia, bc while i think so much more development could’ve happened without it, i also don’t think a lot of what happened with her and sissy could have happened, at least as quickly, if vanya was bogged down by guilt, anger, and lingering feelings of self-hatred and anxiety.

3. sibling dynamics - okay, this one is a contradiction, kinda sorta. i know i said the ben/klaus relationship was horrid. and i didn’t dig absolutely everything with all the siblings.... but they had some REALLY strong stuff this season. i know i’ve already mentioned it multiple times, but vanya/allison/klaus was everything to me this season. i knew i wanted klaus/vanya stuff happening, but adding allison to the mix gave it a whole new layer and they all just worked SO. DAMN. WELL. i just kind of wish it was vanya with her memories getting that bonding time, because i feel like the trio really could’ve gone in with how they all related to each other, their struggles, etc. but still, just some Happy Time was much appreciated. in addition to them, i really did dig a lot of almost every sibling dynamic this season. not every relationship got the attention it deserved, but it wasn’t too bad, it would be really hard to get all of that into 10 eps. plus, the fact that almost all of them grew so much closer was everyyyything. it’s odd, because good dynamics usually come with good development but uh..... nvm im keepin this section positive

4. the humor - another kind of contradiction, maybe. for some of the humor, i thought it went too long, was extremely heavy-handed, often took away from the plot, and some of it even degraded certain characters and situations (see examples throughout my points above). however, the stuff that didn’t fall into these categories was so, so good. some favorites: olga foroga, “think of batman, then aim lower”, “you look like antonio banderas with that hair” “thanks man”, i’m t h e  d a d d y  h e r e, “not everyone here likes you” “sounds ridiculous but go on”, klaus’ little pop culture quips to his cult, “being smart doesn’t make you interesting” “neither does that beard”, klaus calling ben to manifest and ben being like ”...nah”... there are plenty more, but these were the first i could think of in 60 seconds off the top of my head. some of it really was laugh out loud funny, which can be hard to do, especially consistently. if only they didn’t lean into it so damn hard, and put in WAY too much heavy-handed humor that it dampened the experience

5. old five - although i don’t love all of the stuff in the five/old five scenes, old five’s actor was fantastic! he got aidan’s mannerisms down really, really well. it’s always cool to see actors do that kind of thing when they play a character at a different age, or a character’s sibling, etc.

6. time period bigotry - i’m really, really glad they didn’t gloss over the intense racism and homophobia of the era. it was mostly brought up with allison, vanya, and klaus, and all three actors did a great job in their respective roles when expressing their reactions to the hatred. the scenes were really hard to watch, but well done.

7. pogo/grace/reggie - don’t get me wrong, i still hate reggie with a burning passion. but i actually found his scenes with these two really interesting, and it gave us great insight as to why pogo was always so loyal to reggie, and how grace was more than just a face on a robot to hargreeves. (which actually makes lack of development in our mains even more infuriating... they clearly knew to put some in there, where is it for the rest of the sibs who got nothing this season!!!)

alright, i’m gonna stop here. i’m sure i can think of more for each section, but i’ve been thinking this out and typing for an hour (holy shit) and it’s 2am and i need sleep xoxo

[whiplashed-maximoff]

Overwhelming Obstacles

Prompt: So basically reader is the new x-men recruit. She can heal people but not fully back to health. (that's another reason she's at the mansion is so she can learn to use her powers fully.) ... after apocalypse, reader helps heal peter's broken leg. (I know in the movie it healed in like a day, but for the sake of my head-cannon I'll just make up some bs like that Apocalypse did something weird to it or like idk) ... One night peter asks why isn't his leg healing faster and reader gets really upset/mad ... Peter apologizes and tells her that she'll get it one day and admits he likes her and she admits too. there's just a lot of fluff and cute relationship stuff. Requested By: @captain-maaarvel Pairing: Peter Maximoff x Reader Word Count: 2,182 Warnings: swearing, mentions of death, mentions of blood A/N: Okay first off sorry I shortened up the request for the prompt section I didn’t want it to take up a whole bunch of room and stuff (God bless at how detailed it is tho like y e s), second, this was really fun to write, and actually turned out much longer than I expected it would!

Overwhelming. That was the word you had chosen to describe your first week or so in the mansion.

   Chaotic didn't even begin to describe it; so much had happened in such a short span that you were having trouble keeping it all straight in your head. As the newest X-Men recruit, you had expected your healing powers would be tested, but not on your first day, and certainly not on an actual hurt person. It had been nerve wracking, even though you had known it was just a few small gashes and that you could heal those no problem. It was one thing to heal yourself, but it was something else to heal someone else while others watched.

   Outside of that, you hadn't had to use your powers again - you told the professor that you only knew how to heal basic gashes and scrapes, despite having known about your powers for a couple of years. It was hard to obtain the level of focus it took to heal anything outside of basic cuts, and you knew you would need training before you were able to do anything more. Hence, your presence in the mansion. But having to use your abilities on someone on your first day was the least of the reasons as to why your first week was chaos. The main reason was tall, with silver hair, super speed, and a ridiculously shit-eating sense of humor.

   Peter Maximoff.

   It was impossible to live in the mansion and not meet Peter, at least, if Peter wanted to know you. He was everywhere all the time, always busy with something, whether it was video games, pranks, or actual work. It was Peter who's wounds you healed your first day in the mansion, and since then it was as if he had made it his mission to befriend you. Not that you minded, of course. You didn't know anyone else in the mansion besides the professor, and Peter seemed as good a place as any to start making friends. He was just a handful. It was hard to keep up with him, most of the time, but if anyone asked you would definitely tell them it was worth it.

   In your first week alone after meeting Peter, you had participated in three different pranks - all on Scott, who you met shortly after the first prank - as well as a wild trip to the mall and an… explosive... incident in Chemistry class that you had no desire to relive. You didn't really regret any of it, though, and between Peter and your classes you managed to cultivate a group of friends in Scott, Jean, Kurt, and even Hank. Peter quickly became your best friend, however, and you spent most of your time with him.

   Over the next few months, you began to learn to control your power better, to learn to focus in on the problem and use your powers to fix it. It took closer to a year to figure out human anatomy and apply it to what you were doing. You found that flesh wounds were easier; you could reach out and feel the way a person's blood worked and how their tissue connected and use that to knit up deep gashes and bullet wounds and things like that. Organs and bones were harder, more complicated, and you still had trouble with mending anything terribly complex, but it was progress.

   Eventually, as you got better, you got called in more and more by the professor to help keep mutants alive while they were transported to a hospital. You had been able to help a few, keep them alive. Most of those had lived. But there were others, people you couldn't help, couldn't save, and those people haunted your sleep.

If only I'd been better, you thought, if only I could control my powers better.

   Some part of you knew that that train of thought was self-destructive, but you fell into it anyway. You beat yourself up after each failure, pushing yourself to work hard, be better. You threw yourself into your studies, so much so that it was starting to affect your health a bit, but you didn't care. At least, not at first. Not until Peter became your saving grace.

   He kept you sane, made sure you took breaks, made you eat. He made sure he told you that nothing would get better if you overworked yourself. You apologized all the time, thanking him for keeping you on track and healthy. It was a wonder Peter didn't just give up, and you constantly wondered why he kept putting up with the mess that was your mind. You’d even felt yourself falling in love with him, though you didn’t want to admit it to yourself. It was all going well, overall. You were getting better, little by little, slowly gaining confidence in your abilities and figuring out how to do more and more with your powers.

   Then came Apocalypse.

   You had been absolutely, positively, overwhelmingly overwhelmed when everyone came back from the battle and you saw their injuries. Having been left behind when the others were taken, you had plenty of time to worry about everyone, especially about Peter. Not that any of them were defenseless, it's just that you had a vague idea of what they were facing, and you didn’t want any of them to be hurt. Although you were fairly sure this was a futile hope, you could still cross your fingers and wish. Those hopes and wishes had been dashed when your friends returned to the decimated mansion.

   Most had scrapes, a dislocated joint here and there, a healthy dose of trauma, and in one specific case, a diagnosis of almost death - you thanked the heavens that you weren’t put in charge of that - but Peter was different. Normally, Peter’s injuries healed fairly quickly due to his abilities, but whatever Apocalypse had done when he broke Peter’s leg had rendered his abilities useless in this case. This left you with the job of trying to repair it. You’d never managed to repair broken bones before, but you did your best, coming to Peter’s room every day and working slowly but surely to repair small sections at a time.

   You hadn’t stayed that long the first time, only testing the waters with your power to try and heal a small section of the bones in his leg, but each day your visits got longer and longer due to Peter’s constant chatter. Not that you minded. He enjoyed your company, and you his, so you stayed longer and longer, working on slightly larger sections each time to delay leaving. Each time when you went to leave, Peter always whined, asking you to stay longer because he was lonely, and you always say no. Up until one night, about a week after your work began.

   It was later than usual, and between your exhaustion over the amount of energy you’d expended and Peter’s whining for you to stay, you caved and stretched out next to him in the bed. After that, it became a ritual. You would work on Peter’s leg and then stretch out in his bed, and the two of you would talk well into the night. A few days after this ritual began, however, you could feel Peter getting more restless than usual. It wasn’t hard to tell; Peter was used to being able to move all the time, and his restricted movement was causing all of his energy to get more and more pent up.

“What’s bugging you, Pete?”

“I was just… wondering why my leg isn’t healing faster. I mean, I thought-” He doesn’t get a chance to finish as you sit up suddenly in his bed, eyes blazing with anger as you train them on his face.

“Is my best not good enough for you? Do you think I’m not trying my fucking hardest, here? Do you even know how damned hard it is to figure out how to heal shit?” His eyes went wide and his mouth opened as if to say something, but you just kept going. “Do you know how much blood I have on my hands? How many people I couldn’t save because my abilities weren’t good enough? Do you understand how fucking hard that is on me to know I could have done more if I was better at controlling my abilities? I’m doing the best I can, alright?” You draw your knees to your chest, resting your chin on your knees, snorting softly. “How ironic that I have the ability to heal others, yet I have all this emotional shit inside me that I can’t heal.”

“Y/N,” Peter’s voice was soft as he said your name, and you felt the bed shift and Peter pushed himself up to a sitting position. “I’m so sorry.” You didn’t bother to look over at him, you didn’t want to.

“I’ll never be able to use my powers to their full potential,” you whisper, closing your eyes.

“Y/N! That’s not true! Didn’t you just say it was hard to try and control your power? You’ll get it one day-”

“When?” You open your eyes, your head whirling to look at him. “When? Because it’s been months since I started learning how to control my powers, and I can barely heal your broken leg. It’s been over a week and I’ve gotten, what? Barely halfway done? What bullshit.”

“Everyone learns at their own pace,” Peter says softly, “I’m sorry for making it sound like I didn’t think you were good enough, I’m just so used to my powers helping everything heal quickly and… well. I’m sorry.” A silence stretches between the two of you for a long moment before you finally open your mouth to respond.

“I’m sorry I snapped.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, I was the one being insensitive. You’re doing the best you can, and I got impatient and made it sound like I was insulting your competency, which isn’t what I meant to do. I’m just frustrated.”

“I know you are, Pete, I’m just… sick of not being able to do as much as I know I could,” you mutter, resting your head back on your knees.

“You’ll get there, Y/N.” You could feel his eyes on you, and you took a deep breath.

“Will I? It certainly doesn’t feel like it.”

“You will,” he says firmly, and you turn your head a bit to look at him. “You will. You’ve already made loads of progress, and you’ll make loads more. It may take a while, but you’ll get there.”

“How do you know that?” You couldn’t possibly see yourself getting any better, being any more useful than a basic healer.

“Because I believe in you,” he muttered, leaning his head against your shoulder, “and I believe you can - and will - do it.”

“But why?” You looked over at him, desperate for an answer.

“Because I love you!” Both of you sat in silence for a moment, and you could tell the words had slipped from Peter’s lips, but they were out in the open now, and you had no idea what to say. Peter sat up straight, turning to look at you fully. “I love you, Y/N.”

“Oh,” you managed, your face flushing, “I- what?” You couldn’t process what he was saying, what he meant. It was Peter’s turned to flush now as he stumbled over his words.

“Well, I… I love you. A lot, actually.” There was a pause as you studied his face, unable to form words, and he watched you nervously. “Sorry, I can go. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot or make you uncomfortable.”

“Peter, this is your room.” He froze halfway out of trying to hastily shimmy out of bed. It wasn’t what you wanted to say, but it was all you could manage at the moment.

“Right, um, well I-” You took a deep breath, and then cut him off.

“I love you too, Peter,” you breathed, finally managing to say what you’d meant to say. You’d been harboring your feelings for a while, refusing to acknowledge them, until this moment when they came raging to the surface.  “I have for a while, I think.” Peter grinned, then scooted closer, draping himself in front of your feet.

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, you fucking dork,” you say the words fondly, then stretch out your legs, laying them across Peter’s chest.

“I wasn't kidding, you know. I really do think you’re going to get better at healing. In fact, I think you’re going to be one of the greatest.”

“Flatterer,” you mumble, though the words fill you with warmth. You lay down on the bed again, and Peter, moving out from under your calves, moves up to wrap his arm around your waist.

“It’s the truth,” he whispers in your ear, “if anyone can, my love, its you.” You fell asleep wrapped in his arms, happier and with more hope in yourself than you had in a long time.

[tomnhaz]

Saved My Life: H.O. x reader

Request: Hey! Can I get an imagine where Y/N is an emergency room doctor (she’s american) and she is visiting her boyfriend (either Tom or Haz) on set and another cast member gets seriously injured while their watching them film and she runs in and handles everything and gets everything stable before EMT’s get there. She is just an all-around badass. You can decide how it ends and how everyone reacts. Sorry for it being so descriptive, it just popped into my head and thought it was a cool idea. Thanks :)

Word Count: ~2.3k whoops

Notes: Hey lovelies, requests are still open !! FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED !! :)))

Warnings: None ? Maybe a few swears, and like medical stuff but not like gory so idk ?

You were visiting your boyfriend Harrison while he was away with Tom filming for Spiderman: Far From Home. You were an emergency room doctor in a hospital in New York, and although your schedule is super demanding, you were able to get some time off to come out and see your boyfriend. You had flown into town a few days ago, and were really looking forward to spending the rest of the week exploring the city with your boyfriend of 2 years.

Currently, you were standing with Harrison off to the side of the set for the scene that Tom was currently filming. It was a stunt scene, but stunts were something Tom was used to, and you were impressed each and every time you watched him pull off a flip. Except, I guess sometimes he didn’t pull them off.

Harrison was in the middle of telling you about his adventure into the city with Harry last week, when the two of you heard a loud crash, followed by Tom yelping. The two of you quickly rush over to check and see if he is okay, and you begin to feel your medical training instinct kick in.

Your friends back in America always told you that whenever you were working, you were a completely different person. Medicine had always been something you were extremely passionate about, and whenever you were at the hospital, or on call, you were in your zone. Nothing could hold you back, and every shy or reserved tendencies you had before, were completely erased.

When you got to Tom’s side you assessed his injuries quickly before taking over the situation. When you arrived, Tom had been knocked unconscious after hitting his head against one of the props, which also gave his a pretty nasty cut on his forehead. Upon further examination you found that he had also injured his shoulder, most likely in an attempt to break his fall.

You quickly turned and saw Jacob standing next to you, ‘Jacob I need you to call the paramedics, and tell them to bring an ambulance. Quickly.’ Jacob nodded, his eyes still wide and obviously shaken up at Tom’s condition before running off and doing as you asked.

You knelt down next to Tom in order to treat his wounds when you felt the swarm of people huddle in around you in an attempt to see what was going on. Nothing ever bothered you more while you were working than masses of people gawking at you while you worked. You needed them to back up and give you space. You turned around faced them, ‘Okay everyone, I’m a doctor and I’m gonna need you all to back up. I need to help Tom, but I can’t do it with all of you breathing down my neck, so everyone take at least 10, hey why not 15, steps back.’ you shouted, quickly falling into your work persona.

‘Harrison, Zendaya,’ you said, turning your attention to your two friends who were standing behind you. ‘I want you guys to stay here. I’m gonna need your help.’ Both of them nodded hesitantly before coming to stand behind you.

You looked around set and found the first aid kit against the wall, you grabbed it along with a wooden block from the floor before returning to kneel at Tom’s side.

You decided that you needed to address the cut on Tom’s forehead and check to make sure the blow to his head didn’t cause any brain damage. You checked his pupils and his responsiveness and everything was perfect so you started to clean the wound. The cut was pretty deep, and blood kept spilling out as you attempted to clean it. You pulled gauze from the med kit and beckoned Zendaya over to your side. ‘Z, I need you to hold this gauze against his cut. You need to apply a lot of pressure in order to try and control his bleeding. Can you do that?’ Zendaya nodded and grabbed the gauze before moving to rest Tom’s head in her lap and apply pressure to his cut. It’s at this point that Tom regains consciousness.

‘Yikes, what happened? All this fuss over little old me?’, Tom joked before wincing at the pain in his shoulder, ‘oh fuck me that hurts’ he moaned as Zendaya pulled his head back to rest in her lap so she could continue to apply pressure to his cut. ‘Fuck, my arm hurts a lot, y/n, I’m gonna die. Am i gonna die?’ Tom asked, starting to panic slightly as the shock began to set in.

‘No, Tom, you’re not going to die’ you smiled down at him before turning to shout over your shoulder ‘Jacob! Where the hell are the paramedics?’. You were beginning to get nervous, Tom was your friend, and your tough persona was starting to fade. You didn’t want to make a mistake, granted you very, very rarely made mistakes, but you didn’t want to have to be the one to hurt Tom.

‘They said they’d be here in 15 minutes’ you heard Jacob answer from the crowd of people still standing way to close behind you. You cursed under your breath and sweat began to appear on your forehead. You felt a hand on your shoulder and turned to see Harrison.

‘Love, what’s wrong’, he asked, concerned laced in his voice.

Seeing the fear etched onto your boyfriend’s face snapped you back to reality. You looked nervously over your shoulder before shouting again, ‘Okay everyone back another 5 feet. Yup, back it up people’, you looked back at Harrison once you were sure everyone was out of hearing distance. ‘Harrison, it’s dislocated.’

Harrison looked down at his best friend lying on the ground and then back up at you, confusion replacing the fear in his expression. ‘And what does that mean?’ he asked.

You took a breath in, ‘It means that the paramedics aren’t gonna be here quick enough and I have to put it back in place or Tom could suffer long term nerve damage in his arm’, you exhaled and turned to face your boyfriend.

Harrison sat back, ran his hands through his curls, and took a few deep breaths in. ‘Okay’ he finally muttered, unsure whether he wanted to cry or pass out from nerves.

You continued looking at Harrison, trying to interpret what he was feeling, ‘It’s going to hurt him. A lot’ You could tell that Harrison was nervous, but you couldn’t have his emotions getting in the way of your work. ‘Haz, I need you to pull yourself together and help me’ you said grabbing Harrison’s face and forcing him to look away from his friend on the floor and into your Y/E/C eyes. You could see the pain replace the usual brightness in his eyes, at seeing his best friend in so much pain. ‘Harrison, can you do that for me?’

Harrison glanced quickly down at Tom before looking back at you and nodding his head, ‘yes, yes I can. What do you need me to do?’

‘I need you to hold him still. Put your hands here, and here’ you directed one of Harrison’s hand to Tom’s uninjured shoulder and the other on his chest. ‘I need you to push down and keep him from squirming. If he moves, there’s a chance that I could make the pain worse than it already is, and I don’t want to do that. I need you to hold him as still as you can. Can you do that?’

‘Yes’ Harrison stammered, beginning to push down where you told him to. Tom continued to groan and you tapped his chin, drawing his attention back to you.

‘Tom, you dislocated your shoulder. I’m gonna put it back’ he nodded along, grimacing, ‘it’s gonna hurt, love. A lot. But then I promise it will feel better.’ You saw fear flash across Tom’s face again, but it vanished quickly as he nodded once more. You smiled slightly realizing how strong your friend was even when he was in so much pain.

You looked around for the block you had grabbed earlier and guided it into Tom’s mouth. ‘Here, Tommy, bite down on this. I promise this will all be over soon. Okay, love?’ Tom nodded once again and bit down on the block, squeezing his eyes shut. His free hand reached up to grab at Harrison’s hand that was on his shoulder. Harrison looked down at his friend and gave a reassuring nod, ‘It’ll be okay, mate. Y/N knows what she’s doing. She’s gonna help you’, Tom smiled slightly, the block still between his teeth, and looked at you before nodding again, signaling for you to go.

You grabbed Tom’s right arm carefully, taking his hand from its resting position on his stomach and moving it towards you so that his arm was at a 90 degree angle with his elbow pinned against the side of his chest and his hand reaching up. You then continued rotating his forearm towards you, being careful to keep his elbow pinned to his chest, until his hand and wrist were almost touching the ground. You waited until you felt the resistance and then the pop followed, as his shoulder slid back into place.

You smirked slightly at your success and glanced at Harrison, taking note of the look of awe in his face and something else in his eyes that you couldn’t quite read. You rotated Tom’s arm back to rest against his chest and fastened it there with a bit of cloth. You looked back down at your friend, who had tears in his eyes; he spit the block out of his mouth and looked up at you. ‘My hero’, he said with a smile and a wink. You laughed and shot him a reassuring smile before gazing out at the crowd around you, who were all still standing there, shocked.

Suddenly, they all began to applaud and cheer. You felt heat rise in your cheeks at the attention, your work persona falling and being replaced by your usual, reserved self. You stood up before walking over to the paramedics who had, conveniently, just arrived. You explained to them that you were a trauma doctor from America and detailed to them what had happened, the treatment you had administered, and what your suggested course of treatment was. They thank you before rushing over to Tom and placed him in a proper sling.

You felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist from behind, and a smile crept onto your face as you recognized the watch you had given your boyfriend last year for his birthday. ‘Hello’ you whispered before turning around in his arms and bring your hands up to wrap around his neck.

Harrison didn’t say anything, instead he pressed his lips firmly onto yours. It wasn’t a heated kiss, by definition, but there was definitely plenty of emotion poured into it. It was needy, but not in a sexual way. You struggled to describe it, but it was the way he kissed you before he boarded the plane to leave you for filming in London. A kiss that was filled with so many emotions that you just couldn’t name them all even if you tried.

You were quick to respond to the kiss, bringing your hands up to run them through Harrison’s blonde curls, which were all over the place from him running his hand through them.

You were interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat, and when you pulled away from Harrison, your lips swollen and one of his arms still wrapped around your waist, you were met with Tom’s grinning face.

He was put on a stretcher, bandage wrapped around his forehead, and a sling on his arm to keep his shoulder in place. Zendaya was standing next to him, one of her hands resting on the handle on the stretcher. ‘I just wanted to express my deepest gratitude to the doctor that saved my life’ Tom started with a smirk, ‘but I see she’s already busy saving someone else’s…’

You scoffed and responded ‘Don’t be a div about it Tom or I won’t do it next time’

Zendaya was quick to butt in, ‘Tom, this badass chick here is more of a superhero than you will ever be’ she stated, sass dripping off her every word and her lips forming a devilish smirk.

‘Hey!’ Tom shouted in protest, playing mock offended and placing his good hand over his chest, ‘That hurts z, that hurts deep’. You laughed at the both of them before wishing them well and watching them load Tom into the back of the ambulance and her climb in after.

Once the ambulance pulled away you turned back around and faced your boyfriend. Harrison once again wrapped his arms around your waist and you reached up to wrap your arms around his neck. You rested your head against his chest, and you hummed approvingly when you felt him press a kiss to the top of your head.

‘He’s right you know’ Harrison broke the silence. You pulled away slightly to look up at him and gaze into his ocean blue eyes, a look of confusion painted on your face. ‘You have saved me, Y/N. I love you’ he finished, smiling down at you.

A wide smile slowly formed on your lips as you stared up at him, your eyes filled with love at the beautiful boy in front of you that you were fortunate enough to call yours. ‘I love you too, Haz’ you answered as you pulled his lips down to meet yours.

[miximax-hell]

There have been people, some truly wonderful souls, who have followed my blog during my long period of absence. For that, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I don’t deserve that kindness. With that out of the way, hello! Once again, it’s been so long... And that’s exactly we won’t delve in the past now. Let’s get right to it!

Today’s miximax is one that can barely be recognised at all unless you’re specifically told who the vessel and aura are. So, just in case my handwriting is THAT awful, we’ll be talking about Sakuma’s miximax today! For him, I’ve chosen a wonderful character that is, quite literally, part of the history of videogames as a whole. After the news about a new Smash coming soon, the promise of Metroid Prime 4 for Switch, and the very successful (AND SPANISH) remake of Metroid II, it feels like a great time to bring Samus Aran into the battle! The coolest intergalactic bounty hunter there ever was makes for a very simple-looking miximax, but it was still quite tough to draw because of RUST. Ah well. No one to blame but myself.

Anyway, I think this deserves a proper explanation, so let’s see why these two make for a fantastic combo! For more on that, please check under the cut. As usual.

Well, you’ve made it this far, so let’s delve a little in the past now. ww Just yesterday, I finally finished writing my graduation thesis!! That means I’m finally free... for a little while. Just enough to enjoy half a month of debauchery AND SPEND TIME WITH MY GIRLFRIEND, WHOM I MISS VERY MUCH. Oh, and my internship ended about two and a half weeks ago, too. While I am free in that sense as well, I can’t say I’m a scriptwriter and game designer right now, which kinda sucks. But they might still hire me...! And I’m ruminating some exciting ideas of my own. I highly doubt the company I worked for will be interested in them, but, well, it’s worth a shot. And good practice, in any case. So, yeah! I hope you’ve all been well!

Anyway, let’s get right to it. A single paragraph of my life struggles was enough. ww

This is still a fairly small blog with less than 100 followers. And it will always be because of how niche it is. ww Not only that, but most of said (active) followers aren’t even friends of mine, but the aforementioned kind souls who, somehow, grace me with their presence here. That means that, for example, if I were to go on Twitter to talk about my projects for this blog (as I’ve done a couple of times in the past), only one or two of my friends would give a crap about it. And that’s assuming they see those specific tweets at all! Otherwise, the reactions I get are non-existent unless I’m specifically mentioning someone. And even that is far from being failproof. So, whenever I want to share my ideas with someone, develop them through conversation or brainstorm, there’s only one person I can rely on: my lovely girlfriend. She’s patient and super supportive of my work. Bless her soul. I’m so in love with her.

Anyway, thanks to how much I’ve ranted to her about SakuSamus, I’ve already typed down most of what needs to be said about why I think these two work so well together. I can also get away with mostly copying and pasting what I already told her over Skype and simply adjusting it a bit to make it more readable as a blog post and adding some extra details. ww So, let’s get to it!

Coming up with proper combinations for this blog can sometimes be a chore and require a lot of overthinking. However, as the wonderful @miyukiko​ would say, great ideas suddenly come to you sometimes. This had a bit of both. I'll try to skip the uninteresting bits of the creative process, but this is the important part.

Now that we've seen Sakuma in Ares and he's obviously won a lot of... prominence, if you may put it that way, it felt like a good time to take a closer look at him. Sakuma is a forward, and a pretty talented one, at that. When he becomes captain in the Ares timeline, though, his team comes to rely on him on a much deeper level too. Or so it seems, at least. To top it off, his descriptions in the original games say that he helps Kidou and acts as a strategist that coordinates the team. That’s pretty much the base we can build upon.

As a forward, he seems pretty thorough and tries to stay cool and calm, since that's the kind of soccer they play at Teikoku. And, from what we've seen in Ares, as a captain, he worries so much about his team's well-being and about being a good leader for them. You know, the usual "Am I fit to be captain?" thing that IE loves so much. ww

But there's a lot of bad stuff about Sakuma, too.

For one, despite his cool act, when he loses it, he loses it good. We all know how he reacted when he was part of Shin Teikoku and how extremely mad he would get with Kageyama, for example. Also, when he does lose it (and, arguably, even when he’s still somewhat sane), he's very self-destructive.

I think that's somehow linked to his fears: he simply doesn't want to be left alone. He panics when Kidou leaves Teikoku and, again, loses it completely. When his insanity reaches that kind of point, nothing else seems to matter, so he goes all out even if it can cost him his life. Or his legs, at least.

Related to that, and this is much more relevant in terms of sheer gameplay, he is extremely dependent of others.

He's supposed to be some super cool ace striker, but absolutely all of his shots are combo hissatsus no matter what timeline or age you’re looking at. Koutei Penguin 2gou and 3gou, Twin Boost, Death Zone, Deep Jungle... They all need 2-3 people, and, usually, Kidou's involved.

So, tough as it is to say, if Sakuma isn't by Kidou's side, he's subpar. And if he's all alone, he's basically worthless. And to add insult to injury:

He usually depends on people who aren't even forwards to score goals.

He is turned into a defender as an adult because, as I said, he's subpar as a forward if he's alone.

That makes Sakuma a very interesting case: in a universe that is all about the power you get from of your teammates, what he lacks is individuality. ...Especially when you consider that his only motivation to play soccer seems to be to play with Kidou. www

As he is, he's the absolute definition of support character. Pretty sad, if you ask me. (Oh. And many of his in-game hissatsus are very dirty and the referee complains more often than not about them. That counts too. ww)

So, here comes the difficult question: who can give Sakuma the strength, the individuality and, partially, the safety that he needs to be relevant without killing himself? After thinking about it for quite a long time, I felt like he could really use the power of Samus Aran.

(Not to go all BuzzFeed on you guys, but the answer would’ve surprised you if I hadn’t said it from the very beginning. ww)

On a technical level, Samus is strong af. Not only has she survived to and successfully finished every mission she's embarked on (as far as I’m aware), but she's pretty much exterminated full races, DESTROYED PLANETS and killed the same evil pterodactyl alien... thing that wants her dead like 11 times by now.

And what's more: she's done all of this completely alone. (Except maybe for Other M. I haven’t played that game yet, but it looked like there were more people, idk) All in all, she's a beast. But that's not all, of course. There are many heroes who go and do their thing alone. It could've easily been Lara Croft too, for example--at least in the original games.

Sakuma, as I said, seems to be driven by a will to be with Kidou and is very much dependent of other people. And when things go wrong and he loses it, he is... spiteful, to say the least. And I don’t know if you guys were aware of this, but Samus is 120% salt. I read a post about the hatred between Ridley and Samus that when Ridley was announced for Smash and all, but I sadly can’t find it right now. If any of you guys know that post, please let me know and I’ll add the link here because it was SO GOOD.

According to my limited knowledge on the Metroid Series, Samus fights three main things: metroids (you never saw that one coming, I'm sure), space pirates, and Ridley (who is the leader of the space pirates, but is not a space pirate because I, too, would listen to my Evil Pterodactyl Lord if he were to give me orders).

Long story short, the space pirates and Ridley killed Samus’s parents. She was adopted by people from a civilization called the Chozo, but the space pirates killed the Chozo too. And when Samus found a baby metroid that saw her as its mother, the space pirates and Ridley kidnapped the metroid and it eventually died because of them.

Samus doesn't fight for the greater good. Samus fights because she's fucking pissed.

But, unlike Sakuma, she uses that rage against the right people and in the right way: she is still salty as hell, but she stays cool, kicks ass, makes everyone go boom, and she's out. She does what Sakuma does, but better. Even when she's pissed. Oh, and she does things the way they should be done: with legal permission, without turning evil and stuff. And she's super respected and feared because of it, which is precisely what a captain and a forward should be like, respectively.

And the icing on the cake?

In IE3, when Sakuma has levelled up enough, he learns how to use Space Penguin. also, Samus has a visor thing that can replace Sakuma's patch and that sounded cool to me

Anyway, that would be the gist of it! As I said earlier, I’m not the biggest Metroid connoisseur in the world: I’ve only beaten Fusion and Zero Mission, and I’m currently playing Prime and Return of Samus. As such, excuse me if some other game I haven’t played debunks all I’ve said, but I haven’t found any traces of such a thing. ww

However, despite my few experiences with Metroid games, Samus is a character I love and have very fond memories of. This series represent what I love the most about the video game genre: that sense of continuous and hard-earned improvement that only comes from experiences that are constantly giving you new abilities (and even new looks) to reflect your progress. It’s similar to RPGs, a genre I love as well, but RPGs reward you more for personal progress and dedication, such as grinding for levels, and not (usually) so much for just pushing forward and defeating bosses.

Last (and least), for those who have made it this far, here’s a little something you might be interested in knowing: I’ve been inactive here, but I’m still constantly trying hard to come up with interesting ideas for miximaxes! And I think I have found some cool stuff for both Kidou and Shishido, so feel free to tell me on which of those you’d like me to work on next. They’re both very challenging to draw and fiddle with, but I’m always happy to shift my priorities in any way you guys want me to. ww

[axelsandwich]

FAQ

I’ve been getting quite a lot of similar questions on curiouscat recently so I figured I might as well put together a FAQ for new fans who have found my twitter.

If you are a new fan of FS, PLEASE go to @soyouwanttowatchfs! 

They provide livestream links for most FS competitions and GREAT intro guides on learning about skating basics, competitions, skaters and elements.

See In The Loop podcast’s website for a handy calendar of events with timezone conversions.

A great guide for resources for watching FS events live - this is for Milan 2018 in particular but most things are applicable generally to all competitions.

Rabbit army: some FS fans have begun hosting rabbit streams of FS related content and will post announcements on their twitter when they do. some key ones to follow:

@doubleflutz

@liliorum

@eternaldolphin

Other skating resources. Just combing through the asks of the above accounts and the ones below (you can usually click through the tags) will ‘flesh out’ your basic understanding of FS. Please note that all of the writers are biased to some degree, which is why it’s good to read multiple sources and draw your own conclusions.

Here’s a quick ‘n dirty rundown guide to FS scoring + intro to the field in memes (pre-Olympics field though)

Explainers of key singles skating FS elements with handy visual aides: http://the-real-xmonster.tumblr.com/post/169802732209/hello-new-fans

Jump guide with HIGHLIGHTED visual elements - http://chibura.tumblr.com/post/155092378025/breaking-down-6-basic-jumps

Glossary of common FS terminology: https://soyouwanttowatchfs.com/post/170312069530/figure-skating-abcs-glossary-of-common-terms

Guides to skaters current in the FS scene

http://soyouwanttowatchfs.tumblr.com/tagged/preview

http://iguana012.tumblr.com/post/166468292271/the-ladies-of-figure-skating-heading-into-the

http://iguana012.tumblr.com/post/166512345061/the-men-of-figure-skating-heading-into-the

Reblogged tag of SYWTWFS has good content from other creators: http://soyouwanttowatchfs.tumblr.com/tagged/reblogged

FS Ask answers a wide range of questions: http://figureskatingask.tumblr.com/

Chibura does some VERY detailed in-depth writeups/breakdowns for when you’re a little more advanced: http://chibura.tumblr.com/tagged/figure-skating-analysis

I couldn’t watch (insert broadcast) live! Where can I rewatch?

Was it broadcast on Japanese TV? Are you within 1wk or so of the broadcast date? 

FujiTV usually saves the broadcast for about a week for you to rewatch. Find the right channel + timeslot the show originally aired (most details should be published somewhere, just dig for it. If it’s Yuzuru, the FujiTV channel number and time will be on the front page of the viewing thread on Planet Hanyu)

Did it feature Yuzuru?  

Check the compilation threads on Planet Hanyu which usually upload links very soon after the broadcast and throw some thanks to Kaeryth for doing so much hard work

It’s not in the compilation thread

Ask and hope for the best in the Media Requests thread

Read through the Twitter timelines of fans who tend to retweet news on your particular skater and they may retweet a tweet containing an upload link

Check Youtube/Dailymotion - uploaders tend to be slower (unless for competition programs). If you can find the Japanese title, sometimes searching in Japanese on Youtube or DailyMotion will give you results (Dailymotion is favoured more by JP uploaders since they don’t take things down as often)

It doesn’t feature Yuzuru

Best to message ‘main’ fans of those other skaters or check forums such as GoldenSkate (low possibility but maybe)

Here’s a list of my personal recs for a couple of non-yuzuru-focused stans

YUZURU-SPECIFIC FAQs

what’s a yuzuru hanyu?

your historic two time olympic mens figure skating champion champion, also maybe some sort of highly addictive substance idk

where can I get yuzu news and updates?

planet hanyu has a news thread with all the most recent yuzu news

here’s a fanyu and fandom lingo-specific glossary

the calendar also records when shows will be broadcasted

tumblr blogs focused on yuzuru that I personally like to follow are: @tsukihoshi14, @the-real-xmonster, @jumpitwithashuulanditwithapa, @yuzusorbet, @wherespacepooh, @jardinaquatique​, @tadakixd

sportymags on wordpress has a bunch of really nice and helpful yuzuru blog entries

I also just love reading morozombie’s blog entries, he has this dry writing style that tickles my exact funny bone

you can also comb through most of the people I follow on Twitter

who is the old dude who’s always seen with yuzuru at competitions?

most likely kikuchi akira (the old Japanese guy who is Yuzu’s personal trainer): https://sportymags.wordpress.com/2016/07/23/yuzuru-hanyu-team-hanyu/

or ghislain briand, Yuzu’s jump coach at TCC: http://kaerb.tumblr.com/post/172441621579/hey-lae-im-sorry-to-bother-you-but-i-cant-find

are yuzuru and javier real friends?

what happened between yuzuru and denis ten at boston worlds 2016?

what happened to yuzuru at boston worlds 2016? 

he was hiding a lisfranc ligament injury which had gotten steadily worse all season

this also sums up how it felt to be a fan at the time in context

what happened to yuzuru at Cup of China?

These Aoi Honoo II chapters detail the situation in Yuzuru’s own words (be warned, it’s quite graphic in its descriptions): - https://yuzusorbet.tumblr.com/post/150270208657/my-sharing-from-aoi-hono-ii-warning-will-cause - https://yuzusorbet.tumblr.com/post/150343296547/continuation-of-scene-10-of-aoi-hono-ii-a-battle

why do some fans on twitter call yuzuru ‘zazura’ or otherwise butcher his name?

it’s a joke to make fun of the fact western commentators have frequently messed up his name in the past, ranging from ‘yuzura to yasunori’

where does this clip of yuzu come from? / where can I find a clip of yuzuru at [event]

do not ask me - I rarely save links

either post here or ask the person who uploaded the clip

All of yuzuru’s senior competition performances

Links to documentaries, shows and other media yuzu’s participated in

where can I find a copy of yuzuru’s autobiographies?

There are no official translations of his autobiographies Aoi Honoo 1 and 2 or Yume wo Ikiru (his newest ones) but generous fans have translated it (or parts) into English.  You can show proof of purchase for Aoi Honoo 1 and get the Eng translation here: http://yuzuru-hanyu-translations.weebly.com/aoi-honoo.html @tsukihoshi14​ has recently completed a translation of Aoi Honoo 2, you can show proof of purchase and get the translations now: http://tsukihoshi14.tumblr.com/post/171947689783/aoi-hono-ii-english-translations   @yuzusorbet​ has done partial translations of Aoi Honoo 2 here: https://yuzusorbet.tumblr.com/post/156152283157/aoi-hono-blue-flame-and-aoi-hono-2-are

where can I get yuzu merchandise in japan?

my favourite yuzu moments

my top 5 fave yuzu programs

what I think are some of yuzu’s best contributions to figure skating

what music I want yuzu to skate to next season

what costumes I want yuzu to wear next season

what made you love hanyu?

PERSONAL STUFF

what camera/lens do I use?

I shoot with a canon 5D mk 2. for travelling and figure skating photos I shoot with a 24-105mm f/4 and 40mm f/2.8

tips for learning japanese

how long does it take to achieve fluency in japanese?

advice for solo travel

photography tips

tips for starting a blog

how do you travel so often?  

C+P from another CC ask: I pay for it with my own savings. I've been working while studying since high school and also benefit from scholarships. I'm lucky to get some support from my family (they give me money on eg. my birthday/Chinese New Years that I save) and to live with them (since Sydney house prices are so ridiculous that it’s almost impossible to move out). sometimes I travel for work so expenses can be covered there. 

I definitely don't travel this often all the time. I set aside a significant portion of my savings to do so. My biggest motivation for doing this trip I’m currently on (Europe + USA 2018) was 1) being in Europe already which, relative to Australia, means travelling to all these countries is much cheaper than eg. 4 separate trips from Australia it probably would have taken to cover all those, 2) having a large amount of time that I won’t ever have again and 3) being lucky to have eg. Friends/family in some of the cities I’m doing which means free accommodation. They’re very specific circumstances that have made it possible for me

[deeeelightfuldee]

surveyss 015.

WHO ... was the last person you saw face to face? gram

... was the last person you texted or messaged online? Ummm, Harrison? We were talking about health.

... was the last person who asked you for a favour? Kile asked me to respond to him. I came so close to doing it, but we are almost at a week without talking.

... was the last person you lent something to? Uhhh, probably my sister.

... was the last person who told you a secret/confided in you? Em

... is the tallest person you know? Nick. I think hes 6′5?

... the shortest person you know? Goodness... I don’t know.

... your oldest (in years) friend? My mom?

... is the oldest (in length of time) friend? Alix. Since i was 5.

... is your youngest friend? I’m the youngest of my group... so ...

... is your newest friend? Probably my school friends

... is your closest relative? my sister? nephews? niece?

... was your favourite teacher? Mom looool. Or in college I really liked Dr. T

... was your least favourite teacher? ugh. shelly?

... did you spend the most time with when growing up? scott

... knows you the best? kile

... always beats you in games or sports? probably nathan lol

... who is the most creative of the people you know? Thats a great question. maybe my sister.

... is the funniest person you know? EM. definitely a goofball.

... is the most organised that you know? Em. 

... that you know has travelled the most? Nathan travels a lot, roger has gone to so many countries.

... has always been there for you? Hmm. 

... has given you the most personal gift? Mike

... has an annoying laugh? Marcia

... never forgets a birthday? sawyer

...,do you have the most in common with? I really don’t know. I don’t share a ton of the same interests with anyone.

...is the sportiest person you know? devin?

...was your last missed call? I think my sister

...did you last open your door for? mom

... has your heart? sigh. I don’t think it’s wanted right now.

... has your respect? people who are honest 

...do you share a special song with? i got my first kiss to the song “my best friend” by tim mcgraw

...do you miss right now? kile andrew. I miss who i thought he was. I miss talking to him all hours of the day. He felt like an extension of myself... almost like we shared this secret life where we could just .. exist together. without him, I just feel like I lost part of myself.

...last made you angry? the hose.

...did you last buy a gift for? I got my mom and my brother and kile something on my vaca.

...did you celebrate your last birthday with? So kile spoiled me like crazy. I spent the day with mom and then at night, em, nathan, devin, and I got tanked lol.

...have you gone to a concert with? sister, janelle, uhhhh nicole

...can make you laugh? It is easy to make me laugh

...has taught you how to do something? Uhhhhhh, thats a very good question. Probably kile teaching me how to do a stats problem? 

...has lost something of yours? Uhh, not sure.

...has broke your heart? kile

...has stood you up? I haven’t been stood up

WHAT Is your favourite colour? blue

Can you do that most your friends can’t? memorize really well, deny bread, sign, talk neuro

Is your birthday? next weekend

Colour eyes do you have? blue with navy and gray

Form of transport do you take to work/school? typically the car.

Music do you like to listen to in the car? Oh goodness anything that I put on spotify

Languages can you speak? english. some spanish and some asl but not fluently

Was the last thing you drank? diet coke

Was the last thing you ate? trail mix

Time did you wake up this morning? I wake up all hours lately and just stare out my window or at the ceiling. Eventually I just give up and get up for good. I think today was like 5am

Colour are your bedroom walls? They’re kind of a mauve-y brown-y purple

Drink do you usually order when eating out? sometimes, not always.

Food can you cook well? I’m a great baker but I don’t cook all that often. Or rather I should say I am insecure about my cooking.

Animals have you had for a pet? Oh goodness. Dogs, cats, bunnies, chickens, turtles, pigs, horses, birds, parrots, fish, flying squirrels, lizards, ...

Are your initials? dls

Kind of activities do you like to do on the weekends? I like to play games, go on drives, see the world, see friends, window shop, idk

Movie do you know line by line? father of the bride, finding nemo, sleepless in seattle, youve got mail, something borrowed, how to lose a guy in ten days, made of honor, while you were sleeping

Band(s) have you seen in concert? I don’t remember all of them. relient k was one.

Do you buy/get to treat yourself? food or clothes lol.

Colours your phone cover? right now it’s like a teal color. 

Part of the world would you love to visit? switzerland. europe. 

Question do you dislike being asked? when are you going to be married.

Subject were you good at in school? science

Careers do your parents have? mom is a manager of a store and I’m not entirely sure of what dad does. I think he owns a company.

Brand of clothing do you buy most often? probably ON

Chocolate bar is your favourite? right now, probably uhmmm 

TV show have you watched every series of? tbh I couldn’t tell you

Radio station do you listen to the most? 99.5, 98.3, 103.5, 96.3, 

Podcasts are you subscribed to? I’m not the biggest fan of podcasts

Is your favourite dessert? anything mega rich

Can’t you do that most around you seem to? roller blade, skateboard, ice skate

Are 5 qualities you value in a friend? honesty, loyalty, kindness, consideration, humor

Are 5 qualities you value in a partner? honesty, loyalty, kindness, slow-tempered, loving

Size pizza do you usually order? goodness I havent had pizza in so long.

Cuisine do you like to order or cook? I suppose right now mexican

Colour(s) dominate your wardrobe? Black. I want to wear more colors I think I refrain because of drawing attention to my figure.

Toothpaste brand do you use? I think right now it’s crest!

Sounds can you hear right now? one of the most dear movies to me.. Serendipity. I think about this movie all the time in my current situation. Maybe.

Is the weather like today? Steamy. But I have been very comfortable in the AC tbh

Are your plans for tomorrow? I’m going to sleep in. Relax. Spend the day reading in the pool, trying to not think about my situation. 

WHERE Do you keep your phone when not using it? I used to always keep it on me, but now I’m trying to get used to leaving it in the other room or just leaving it at home so I stop obsessing.

Were you born? Palos.

Do you go to unwind? On a drive

Is your best friend right now? I’m not sure where Kile is anymore. Emily is likely asleep. Nathan’s probably out lol

Can you go nearby to have a good time? Tbh, I can be alone and have a great time.

Is the nearest restaurant? like 3-4 blocks away.

Is the nearest beach? There is lake michigan, indiana dunes, or lakes. depends what you fancy.

Did you meet your closest friend? kile and I met on CM. em and I met thru Alix. 

Did you go for your last vacation? Pigeon Forge, TN.

Is the nearest mall or superstore? mall would be orland. Superstore would probably be like a walmart or a target. 

Did you last get an injury? I screwed up my foot somehow so I’m trying to nurse that.

Is the most extravagant place you’ve stayed at? Hmm, probably when my sister would travel and we would stay in these exotic hotels.

Do most the local kids play? If you mean kids like 21 ish, there are some great local bars on Oak Park Ave

Have you been with your family? I mean, I’m going to need more detail in the question

Did you spend Christmas last year? home. Then the boys called for us to come over and see their new toys lol

Did your parents grow up? they grew up in roseland which is now a chicago ghetto lol

Did you buy the shoes you’re wearing? barefoot at the moment.

Would you like to go right now if you could? if I can be totally transparent, I would give anything to go sit on a park bench next to kile. 

Do you miss the most from your childhood? The innocent beliefs. the lack of trauma. 

Is the best restaurant you know? I donno, I’m fairly easy-going about restaurants.

Will you never go again as it was so bad? lol this local burrito joint

WHEN ...was your last vacation? two weeks ago. 

...did you graduate? this may. I really thought it would have been more exciting, but it was such a tragic time. 

...did you have your first kiss? on my 16th birthday

...did you learn how to swim? young. like 5-6? 

...did you have your first relationship? uhhhh 19.

...do you feel the most at peace? on a drive.

...do you usually fall asleep? I have no idea. I’m all over the place these days.

...do you usually wake up? thats a wide range of times.

...did you last watch a movie? i’ve been watching movies in bed all day. 

...did you last go to a party? yesterday

...did you last cry? today

...did you laugh really hard? I laughed yesterday. 

...did you buy something pricey last? my vacation I suppose. I really need to get new gym shoes because it has been a few years but man they are pricey.

...did you have an argument last? I haven’t argued this past week. I don’t know if I’m just worn down or if I have lost the fight in me? I’m not entirely sure.

...did you last have a sick day? donno really.

...did you last recieve a hug? I got about 400 hugs from the kids yesterday lol

...when is your best friend’s birthday? aug 16. april 20. march 13.

...did you learn how to drive? I refused to drive as long as possible. mom tricked me into drivers ed when I was about 18.

...did you last receive a surprise? umm.. I really don’t know.

HOW Many pets do you have? Two.

Many houses have you lived in? one

Often do you shower? once per day usually.

Well can you cook? I am mediocre at the moment.

Many close friends do you have? just gets smaller and smaller.

Many Brothers or sisters do you have? one sister two brothers

Often do you go swimming? I WISH all the time. tomorrow will be my first time in a long time. it’s hardly swimming cus its a small pool, but still.

Many times have you texted today? I’ve hardly touched messaging apps. I’m really behind on my correspondence. 

Do you like your toast (colour, topping)? I used to love it toasted with light butter and then pb

Do you like your tea and/or coffee? no coffee. I’m not huge on tea.

Do you like to celebrate your birthdays? typically the way I spent it last year. this year was supposed to be with Kile. For some reason I just glanced at the calendar and it had our weekend trip for march all highlighted. 

Are you feeling today? I’m ok. I mean, I’m not but it’s closer to being OK.

Serious are you about your career goals? I’m passionate about it.

Many rooms are in your house? 11 I suppose.

Many bedrooms in your house? 4.

Did you do in your school exams? I excelled at them. 

Close do you live to your parents? very close to mom. thousands of miles from dad.

Close do you live to your siblings? My brother is around the block. another brother is maybe 30 mins away. my sister is thousands of miles.

Sensitive to criticism are you? pretty sensitive. its a fault.

Motivated to make changes are you? quite motivated.

Creative are you (1-10): 5

Hard working are you (1-10): 11.

Sporty are you (1-10): 1

Musical are you (1-10): 0

Do you prefer your eggs? uhh, moms scrambled, over easy, or sunny side up.

Often do you go out to eat? like once a month.

Would your best friend describe you? I don’t really know. probably studious, the caregiver, patient

Can someone cheer you up if you’re sad? if they know me well enough. 

Often do you meet up with your friends? like 2-3x a month

Important is religion to you? faith is important.

Old were you when you first stayed overnight from home? like 5

Old were you when you got your first pet? I was an infant

Tech savvy are you? decent. not great but decent.

Do you show you appreciate those you care for? I learn what matters to them and I support their dreams obsessively. I research things that matter, I ask questions, I write cards, buy gifts, and just tell them.

Often do you cut your hair? I need to cut it. asap.

Often do you paint your nails? I’ve stopped painting my hands since graduation. I just .. i cant.

Many countries have you visited? 1

Boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? haha

WHY  ... did you choose your username? because it’s one I use

... did you take this survey? it seemed to have some decent questions. I’m trying to work through stuff regarding kile right now, so it had some opportunities. right now I’m wondering if he still reads these. It doesn’t tell me if someone does, only if they like or comment on it. what does it matter, I don’t know. my mind just swirls.

... did you choose the career you did? I had a professor who showed me a video during a neuro class on aphasia and it was a CLICK moment.

...did you last leave the house? running errands for the party

...did you last give up on something? I am in the process. I don’t want to. my whole body aches and screams not to let go, but my brain is recognizing it is time.

...did you search the last thing you searched? i was converting celsius to fahrenheit 

...would you give up on someone completely? I think sometimes I have this mindset that I can help. I can support. I can enhance your situation. I want to help you grow. I want to be there for it all. I think the reality is I am learning that not everyone wants that. I don’t know that i’m helping as much as I hope, and it destroys me to think I was maybe making his life worse. 

IF You could live in any country which would you choose? switzerland

You could choose any animal as a pet which one? cat or dog

You could be famous for something what would you like? I don’t know that I would want to be.

You are sad, how do you combat it? Right now it is sitting with the feelings of loss. I’m trying not to just blow over it or pretend it isn’t real, but to just let it suck as bad as it sucks. I don’t know. I don’t have any magic way of moving through the sadness.

You can drive when did you learn? when I was 18

You could have any job what would it be? I would want to be somewhere with little human interaction tbh.

You could go anywhere for a vacation where would you go? europe. 

You could eat anything right now what would it be? nothing. loss of appetite.

You wrote a book what genre/topic would it be? maybe a book of poetry. or a biography.

You had a theme song what would it be? that would take me a while to come up with.

You could meet any band/singer in person which one? harry connick jr.

You could act in any movie which would it be? I’m not sure I would

You get married what venue would you like? i think I would want to elope 

If you have kids do you have names picked out? I have names I like on a list.

Could describe your dream home what would it be like? farm. land. big ole porch with comfy furniture. lots of trees. a dreamy bedroom. i really want a window seat. You could go back in time what would you change? for the longest time I wished I could have gone to see John immediately. However, had I done that I would have left here and moved there and I wouldnt have the life I do now. So I guess maybe i dont really know.

Could use 3 words to describe your childhood which ones? the memories without my dad were extremely pleasant. My mom tried her best.

Could get the answer to any question which question would you choose? right now I’d want to know why Kile kept things from me. Like how do you wake up everyday OK with knowing I’m unaware. I wanna know what the plan was.. was he planning to meet me and just secretly break up with her? was he ever planning to move to me? Why did he never fight for me? how was I so easy to let go of? why wouldn’t he just break off what he was was “breaking off” to keep me? what was the alternative? keep us both?? why couldn’t he see how he was hurting me? why didn’t it matter? how does he just let go of me so simply and not c ---- but honestly I’ll never get those answers. I would probably be better off asking will i have my own family one day

You could have an endless supply of something what would it be? Money, because of course.

CAN ... you ride a bike? yes

... you ski? i want to learn

... you bake a cake? oh yes.

... you sing well? mediocre

... you do your own taxes? badly

... you remain calm in a crisis? extremely calm.

... you do first aid? like... bandaid level yes.

... remember your best friend’s family members’ names? almost entirely.

... you fire a gun? yes

... your parents drive? Yes

...your best friend dance well? probably not.

...you make people laugh easily? mom, yes lol

...stand up for yourself? if i get pushed enough, yes.

...you do a martial art? Nope

WOULD You like to learn a new language? absolutely.

Save the life of a stray animal? Absolutely.

Know what to do if there was a hurricane? sure, but it would be very very very very unlikely for me to need to utilize that sort of skill set considering I live in the middle of a loooooooot of land. Not coastal at all.

Try a new cuisine? yes

Risk your life for anyone? Yes.

You like to get back in touch with someone? oh boy. how i wish.

You drive in the middle of the night to get a stuck friend? Ina heartbeat.

You Know how to perform CPR? I mean.. vaguely.

You likely win in a game of chess? I promise you no.

You stop talking for a day for $100? happily.