when I’m angry I’m actually fucking angry, I feel the anger ripping and crawling and scratching through my skin and I feel my brain pulsating. it’s like I can never feel a mild annoyance, I just get so fucking mad that I want to rip everything and everyone in sight apart until I pass out.
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"what did you do with all that anger?"
"i ate it raw, like I was a starving child and it was the only thing that could sustain me."
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“Andreth was a woman of the House of Bëor [...] She was wise in thought, and learned in the lore of Men and their histories; for which reason the Eldar called her Saelind, 'Wise-heart'.”
I have such a warm place in my heart for Andreth, long-suffering wisdom. She is one of my favorite of the women in Tolkien’s legendarium for many reasons, but high up there is that she is allowed to be bitter and angry in the text, while simultaneously retaining the name of Wisdom. In Andreth, female anger and outspoken bitterness are not scorned or held up as negative traits, but are shown to be vindicated through a chapter in which she challenges even the wisdom of the Elves and shifts the understanding of the one she debates.
When I was growing up in a pretty conservative religious household, any anger or pushback on my part was punished as being arrogant, “too emotional,” giving in to the “sin of anger,” or not respecting those in authority around me. So to stumble across Andreth in this chapter holding her own, being angry, being bitter, and somehow still being named Wise was a lifeline that helped me get through to adulthood without losing a pivotal part of myself. As was Finrod in this chapter - a male “authority” figure who did not close her off for speaking her mind, but encouraged her to continue unpacking her thought despite her anger often being directed at him, asked questions to better understand her position, and ultimately changed his view of a pivotal aspect of the created order based on the knowledge she brought to the conversation.
Anyway, she is very dear to me and I finally tried my hand at drawing her.
“Whither you go may you find light.”
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« I started seeing the monstrous feminine everywhere, and, eventually, I found empowerment and agency in those representations. These female monsters did things I could only dream of, or didn't even know I dreamed of doing. They could enact all the anger and rage I felt toward patriarchal society, and then some. Horror can be a way of healing. We all dream of being a monster, and those dreams don't have to be bad ones. »
— Margaret Kingsbury
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I am rage
Bibliography from left to right: not found, pinterest / ptolemaea, ethel cain / Crosses, Tom Davis aka tomadies, etsy / And here I lay, Sam Wolf Connelly / ptolemaea, ethel cain / ptolemaea, ethel cain / Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoi / ptolemaea, ethel cain / Tenants, Layla Lenhart / not found, pinterest / ptolemaea, ethel cain / ptolemaea, ethel cain / Take me back to eden, Sleep Token / Diary of Madman, Tsutomu Nihei / Lighthouse, Halsey / not found, pinterest / Lighthouse, Halsey / Granite, Sleep Token / Take me back to eden, Sleep Token / Family's tree (intro), ethel cain / Death grips, Baroness, tumblr and pinterest / Take me back to eden, Sleep Token / Take me back to eden, Sleep token / not found, pinterest / Aqua Regia, sleep token / by Santiago Caruso.
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"As if anger could be a kind of vocation for some women. It is a chilly thought. The heart is dead since infancy. Unwept for let the body go."
- The Glass Essay, Anne Carson
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They call me mad,
They call me crazy,
My anger is evident and my vision is hazy.
Scars on my ankles from being pulled down into the muck of angry men.
Never even got an apology, so it all burrows under my skin and encourages the fire.
Now I speak with flames and you all are to blame,
And rage grows over my skin, like ivy over rotting wood.
I’ve bled myself dry to prove I’m not nothing,
But now I’m nothing but an angry, cold woman.
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