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tirorah · 10 months

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My picks from the June 2023 Next Fest

In June 2023 there was another Steam Next Fest, and I've finally managed to play all of the demos I'd selected.

Keep in mind that these are my highly personal picks; I mostly explored the turn-based RPG category, as I'm currently not feeling up to much direct action, brain-breaking strategy, etc. (And certain genres are so popular that some good demos will be reported on anyway.)

So, without further ado, here are the games that I liked this time around!

The setup for this one is quite straightforward: You play as one of three heroes-in-training and embark on an important quest through the fantasy land of Alteria. Pretty standard stuff, but it stands out in two ways:

Choosing your hero isn't a simple character swap; it's a perspective shift. These are branching storylines and each character has their own challenges to overcome. And because there are choices for you to make, it's interesting to see how you shape your chosen hero compared to the version you see when you're not in control of them.

This is also a very well-rounded experience. Gameplay is smooth and intuitive, presentation is great, etc. I especially liked how efficient the script is; dialogue makes sense and there are no long world-building monologues to be seen. I encountered some bugs, but those were symptoms of an early build and some of them have already been fixed.

Release date: In Early Access by now, 20% off until 12 July

Yes, this is a meme game, and sometimes you can really feel that, especially in the opening minutes. But this game has genuine charm to it. Sure, you die in one hit, but it's also a story about a wimp slowly learning to stand up for herself and work toward her dream. Crazy, but heartfelt at the same time.

As for gameplay: combat is turn-based and takes place on a grid, where each move expels one turn. The tactical challenge is to use positioning and your arsenal to bonk the enemy into submission before they can pulverise you. There's also an element of rhythm to it, as you need to time button presses to bonk your target more.

The beginning can be rough if you're not into the game's brand of insanity, but give it a shot anyway if you can. It was well worth it for me.

Release date: To be announced

A game about a time loop and the effect it has on a person. In a world that's frozen in time, it's up to Siffrin and their merry band of friends to defeat the King and save everyone. Easier said than done, though, and each failed attempt weighs on their spirit...

A really charming game, with clearly-defined characters, good group dynamics, and an arresting art style. The battle system is Active Time turn-based, but what's super fun is the damage types: Rock, Paper and Scissors. Yes, really. You need to analyse an enemy's appearances or their method of attack to figure out their weakness.

It also has a big focus on mental health though, so make sure to check the content warning section on the itch.io page before playing this.

Lastly, I should mention there's a prototype for the game, called Start Again: A Prologue. This is a somewhat short experience, basically a proof of concept that turned into a complete game. You can buy this if you're interested.

Release date: 2023

Do you like tabletop RPGs? Then this one could be for you! You take control of one of six groups of adventurers, each on a pilgrimage for their own reasons. It's up to you to guide them through a dangerous world...with your faithful dice!

I honestly needed more time with the story and characters to really get a feel for if I liked them or not, but the gameplay is, simply put, engrossing. Dice rolls play into every aspect of this game, from exploration to dialogue checks to combat. Playing this game truly feels like a journey full of potential secrets to uncover.

If you decide to try this game, be warned that this is still in development (like all of these demos). I found the UI rather rough to work with. This is being worked on and I'm confident there will be many improvements in this area.

Release date: Q4 2024

I was a few minutes into the demo when I entered my first battle. A big, red WARNING sign pulsed on my screen, and a giant robotic bee appeared out of a sci-fi hell portal. The protagonist hefted her gun, brandished her sword, and sprung into action as the battle theme started pounding in my ears. I grinned.

LunarLux is a prime example of how a strong visual and aural style can immediately capture one's attention. Fortunately, that's not all it has going for it. While the script isn't that tight and the characters seem rather standard for now, the gameplay is just a whole lot of fun.

Although this is a turn-based system, fighting involves timed blocking and grid-based dodging. And there's a factor of resource management as well; you'll need to work out how to go on the offensive without running out of MP and shield charges. This is not only essential to keep yourself alive, but also factors into your battle rating. Want an S-rank on this fight? Then don't get hit.

Oh, and you have a jetpack that you can fly around with. Just to let you know.

Release date: 2023

This one is an interesting recommend from me, as I found myself stymied by a progress-stopping bug 30 minutes into my playthrough. That's a pretty bad oversight, and yet I can't say it soured me on the game. All it did was cut me off, and that's a shame.

This one has no combat system; instead, the primary gameplay loop is about exploration. You can use your tracking skills to find animals in need and befriend them, and you can piece together clues to solve the secrets of the land.

The narrative has a rather standard mystery setup, but what makes it stand out is the setting: ancient India. This lends the game a completely different feel from a lot of other fantasy RPGs. The time period (and great soundtrack) gives everything a mystical feeling, while the location gives us oft-underutilised cultures to work with.

I want to see more of this.

Release date: 2023

Much like Luminera, I need more time with the story to see how it'll pan out; as it stands, the demo is a true vertical slice and just drops you into the middle of things while avoiding spoilers. The characters definitely have some personality to them though; I liked them.

I have no other criticisms; the game looks and sounds great, and because you can climb and swim around, there's more verticality in the environment design compared to most of the other games on this list.

Combat is smooth and fun; it's turn-based, with each of the three characters getting one action per turn, the order of which you can decide yourself. Each action you take also reduces the action counter for each enemy; deplete it to 0, and the enemy will attack. Sometimes they'll have a big attack charged up, and you'll need to hit them with certain damage types to either reduce the attack's power or cancel it entirely. You can also time your button presses for blocking enemy attacks and increasing the power of your own, but this isn't mandatory.

Finally, there are equippable relics that alter the game experience. The demo has two: one makes the game easier, and the other provides clearer feedback for timing button presses correctly. This kind of modular difficulty is great and more games need it. Especially if you consider how many of the games on this list feature timed button presses; great for interactivity, not so great for accessibility.

Release date: 29 August 2023

Last but certainly not least, it's...not a turn-based RPG at all. No, this is a visual novel. But it's a damn gripping one for me!

Your character is a newly-transferred security officer on a small ship: the JFS Gun-Dog. Your mission? Reconnaissance and backup. But of course, nothing is ever that simple; things are afoot. I don't know what things exactly, but I sure want to know! And your character's traumatic past won't make the challenges you face any easier.

There's a somewhat lengthy tour of the ship for character introduction and world-building purposes. Obviously, if you're playing a visual novel, you should expect copious amounts of words. It's just not the most elegant way to handle things. However, I believe the great atmosphere, interesting characters and narrative are worth it, and there were plenty of fun moments during that section.

Note: The Steam page refers to the main character as male, but you can choose your name and pronouns (he/him, she/her or they/them).

Release date: Coming soon

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That's it for this particular Next Fest! Please give these demos a try if possible.

And remember: If you like what you see, wishlist the game in question! This helps out indie developers a whole bunch.

#gaming #steam next fest #alterium shift #hazuki dies: she has no name #in stars and time #luminera: the radiant journey #lunarlux #mayu: the last of the yaksha #sea of stars #stories from sol: the gun-dog

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pipipinyyy · 3 years

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Explaining why I have added every song in my entire and very long Niragi playlist because I can and because over analyzing him is my passion (I usually update it from time to time but I'll do it with the current songs)

Completely self indulgent post, but I decided to share to feed my fellow Niragi stans (*˙︶˙*)☆*°

This is entirely based on my view of the songs and how I interpret them while thinking about Niragi. I'm aware that most of them have entirely different meanings, this is just for fun :) (Also sorry if my explanations don't make much sense, English is not my first language and I might make mistakes when trying to put my feelings and thoughts into words)

This may contain manga/s2 spoilers

Hayloft-Mother Mother: Vibes

Criminal-Britney Spears: The whole song describes him ("he is a sucker with a gun") and the fandom's obsession ("mama I'm in love with a criminal")

Daddy Issues-The Neighborhood: I feel like he would act like this, using the most vulnerable spots to pick on someone ("cry little girl, nobody does it like you do")

Psycho-Jin Dogg, OVER KILL: Vibes

Riot-Hollywood Undead: He'd definitely start a riot like he did in the 10 of hearts, burning and destroying anything that crosses his path

Bitches-Mindless Self Indulgence: He most likely thinks he's a total fuckboy and popular with girls since he can get almost anything he wants out of scarying people

Baby's on Fire-Die Antwoord: Vibes

Insane in the Brain-Cypress Hill: This man is being consumed by his own way of protecting himself

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing-Set It Off: Based on how he feels towards the people who hurt him in the past ("Listen, mark my words, one day, you will pay" "You've always been a huge piece of shit, if I could kill you, I would" "Karma is gonna come collect your debt")

Death no more-IC3PEAK: Vibes

Gasoline-I Prevail: Sort of similar to Riot, ("So burn it all down, burn it all down, I don't give a fuck")

Toxic-Britney Spears: The whole fandom knows how much of a piece of shit this dude can be, but we still find ourselves liking/enjoying his character (to an extent), a toxic addiction

Nice Guy-GRLwood: As much as I love this man, he'd use the "I'm a nice guy c'mon" card just to fuck. If he wants to, he'll get it, if he doesn't, he'll most likely get mad

Dernière danse-Indila: Vibes

TRRST-IC3PEAK: Mostly vibes, I kinda see this song as how he felt the first time he killed someone on purpose inside the borderlands ("mama they say I'm a terrorist, I did nothing wrong but I got on the blacklist")

Saint Bernard-Lincoln: Vibes

Nowhere To Run-Stegosaurus Rex: Being with him at the Beach would either be ignoring each other completely or a game of tag, no inbetween. If this man wants to kill you, he'll get his fun time out of it as well ("You're gonna die, I'm gonna kill you")

The House of Wolves-Bring Me The Horizon: Based on how he sees life after being consumed by his current mental state ("Show me a sign, show me a reason to give a solitary fuck about your god damn beliefs" "What you call faith, I call a sorry excuse")

Smells Blood-Kensuke Ushio: Vibes

SIU-Maretu: Similar to Daddy Issues, don't expect this man to be a therapist. If he sees anyone crying or panicking in or outside a game, he'd most likely tell them to suck it up, just like this song.

Judgement-Kensuke Ushio: Vibes

MONSTER ENERGY GUN!-KevinKempt: Vibes + He for sure has an energy drink addiction, specially pre-borderlands

HURT-1 800 PAIN: Vibes

Fear Is The Mind Killer-Zheani: Vibes

I Bet on Losing Dogs: Based on how I know Niragi is toxic, and most likely unsaveable of his deteriorating mental state, but I still have him as my biggest comfort character ("I bet on losing dogs, I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place")

Emo Boy-Ayesha Erotica: He's been in an emo phase (and maybe still is), the lyrics are pretty self explanatory, they describe us Niragi simps perfecrly ("come on fuck me emo boy")

Crybaby-Destroy Boys: Vibes

The Fox's Wedding-MASA Works DESIGEN: Vibes

You're a useless child-Kikuo: We don't know much about his past, but judging by the unstoppable bullying he's suffered, his parents didn't care about him, or were straight up absent. He's been insulted by pretty much everyone in his past to the point of believing it and telling those things to himself ("You're a useless child, the most useless child in this world" "Drool in snot, dandruff, shit and piss" "I'm a useless child" "Nobody will save me" "I'm a lonely kid")

Take A Slice-Glass Animals: Vibes

Fighting With The Melody-Jimmy Urine: Vibes

Comics-Caravan Palace: Vibes

Rhinestone Eyes-Gorillaz: Vibes

Butch 4 Butch-Rio Romero: Mostly vibes, sort of how I think the most "peacefull" moments in a relationship with him would feel like, kind of bittersweet feeling

Suki Suki Daisuki-Jun Togawa: Yandere Niragi. If he's interested in someone, he'd go through an obsessive phase, most likely forcing the other person to "love" him. This man is so confused about the feeling of love that he's unable to tell when he loves someone or when he's obsessed with them due to his lack of attention ("Like you, like you, I love you. Say you love me or I'll kill you")

:(-The Garden: Vibes

Kitty City-Cyriak Harris: Vibes

Blood-My Chemical Romance: If Niragi went to a therapist, he'd act like this song, with his signature cocky and sarcastic personality (at least before he gets better) ("I can't control myself because I don't know how" "They can fix me proper with a bit of luck" "I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love")

A Mask of My Own Face-Lemon Demon: He feels like he needs to protect himself or else he will get hurt inside the borderlands by others again. He uses another personality, a completely ruthless one, even if he doesn't like it and hates himself for it, he doesn't see another way to deal with his fear, allowing his "new self" to consume himself. ("I'd wear that mask of my own face" "I look into my eyeholes and what do I see? A handsome motherfucker motherfucking looking back at me")

I'm a Murderer-Freddie Dredd: Mostly vibes ("I'm a motherfucking murderer")

'Cause I'm a Liar-Mcki Robyns-P: He would lie just for fun even in serious situations. If he needs to manipulate someone to survive, he'll do it his way, after all, he doesn't care anymore, he just seeks for excitement. ("Without emotion, without devotion. It's much easier to fake something happy")

I Disagree-Poppy: I don't know exactly how to describe it, but I feel like this is how he sees and feels the world and those around him, feeling misunderstood and going his own way ("If only all of you could see the world I see, then maybe everyone could live in harmony")

Personal Jesus-Mindless Self Indulgence: He has a superiority complex, that's for sure. I don't think he sees himself as a god, but I see him joking about it

Rainbow Factory-GLAZE, WoodenToaster: Vibes

Frontier Psychiatrist-The Avalanches: I kinda see this as Aguni taking the role of Niragi's "father figure" inside the borderlands, realizing he's turning insane and is unable to control him ("That boy needs therapy")

Hate it. Hate it. "JIGAHIDAI!"-WADATAKEAKI Kurage P: Jealousy. I can see it either in a pre-borderland situation where he hates the popular students in school, or inside the borderlands hating both Chishiya and Arisu. Jealousy takes over him constructing a big ego, causing himself to develop his superiority complex ("You see, I hate that popular girl!" "Does she think I don't notice? How she looks at me as if I'm trash" "I want to be praised" "I'm different from you all, I have my own ego! I'm not a side character" "I have zero common sense. I'm special")

Villain-Stella Jang: He knows damn well he's a villain, that's his goal after all, but what if someone took his point of view? wouldn't the villains be all of those who hurted him in the first place? ("We all pretend to be the heroes on the good side, but what if we are the villains on the other")

Violent-carolesdaughter: This is how I view an argument inside a relationship with Niragi. He's used to violence, to cause fear, and getting what he wants, so being in a healthy relationship would require a lot of patience and strenght. While he's getting better and suppressing those violent actions, there will be times where he accidentally uses violence or threatens the other person unintentionally, mostly hurting himself and his partner psychologically. The lyrics change between both points of view ("Don't make me get violent, I want my ring back baby that's a diamond" "She knows I'm a wreck" "I gave you all my trust and I told you just don't break it")

Hey Bunny-Baby Bugs: Based on how I think it would feel to partner up with him inside the borderlands and catching feelings for him while knowing the huge mess he is ("Hey bunny, what's with those evil eyes?" "Hey bunny, what the hell is wrong with us?" "Hey bunny, what if I loose you too? If I become the monster, together we can always be blue")

Kokoronashi-majiko: I'm pretty sure Niragi isn't able to see himself as someone able to love, even if he doesn't want to be alone (just like when he confesses this feeling while fighting with Chishiya and Arisu). If someone truly loved him and was willing to not letting him go, it would hurt. He can't see himself as someone who can love or be loved, so he can't accept the love he's seeking for in case that turns him "weaker" making his true self confront with the protective mean personality he's created. He could learn how to accept it, so he might want the other person to stay in the end, but it wouldn't be easy for him to accept it ("It's awful, I'd rather you destroy my body, tear it to sheds, do as you please" "No matter how much I'm loved by you, my heart is just one" "I don't know this, don't leave me alone")

Nightmare Parade-FAKE TYPE.: Vibes

Slipping Through My Fingers-Meryl Streep, Amanda Seyfried: Niragi seeing himself loosing his young, gentle and caring personality due to his fear, being unable to control what's happening inside, nostalgia and sadness kicking in ("The feeling that I'm loosing her forever" "That funny little girl" "Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture and save it from the funny tricks of time")

Kuroneko No Tango-Pink Martini, The Von Trapps: Vibes

YKWIM?-Yot Club: Him confroting his feelings of loneliness when he's left alone with his thoughts ("It feels like I care too much when I'm alone, oh no")

Romantic Lover-Eyedress: Just appreciating his physical appearance ("She's a killer, I love her features")

Wrecking Ball-Mother Mother: Based on how he sees himself as someone who needs to destroy everything in a way or another in order to be powerful + the fun he has with it ("Call me a reckless wrecking ball" "Let's break it just because we can")

Edge-Rezz: Vibes

Freaks-Surf Curse: Again, confronting feelings when loving someone, but not in such a painful as Kokoronashi ("I need a place to stay where I can cover up my face" "Don't cry, I'm just a freak")

Little Bit-Lykke Li: Vibes

6up 5oh Cop-Out (Pro/Con)-Will Wood and the Tapeworms: Vibes

PHONKY TOWN-PlayaPhonk: Vibes

I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE-Måneskin: Freaky time. He would absolutely love this song, definitely his type of thing ("You could be the beauty and I could be the monster" "I wanna touch your body so fucking electric" "I wanna make you hungry, then I wanna feed you")

#BrooklynBloodPop!-SyKo: Vibes

A Cold Freezin' Night-The Books: Vibes

A Pearl-Mitski: My most favorite song to associate with Niragi. Represents his evolution as a character. Creating an scenario where he is loved by someone,he rejects it at first, acting tough ("I don't want your touch") and then proceeds to explain why ("It's just that I fell in love with a war, nobody told me it ended" "it left a pearl in my hand and I roll it around every night just to watch it glow") the war being the borderlands and his new personality, he loved it, but nobody drew a line and it's getting out of hand. The pearl is the feeling of power, the one he has to remember when feeling weak just to feel something. At the end of the song it changes to ("Sorry I can't take your touch"), realizing that he wants love, but he's not able to take it or else he'll become the Niragi from the past

Problematic-Bo Burnham: Him acknowledging his problematic actions but not wanting to apologize because he doesn't feel the need to. He knows he's done bad things but he is going to laugh at it and be a sarcastic mf about it

First Love/Late Spring-Mitski: Similar to Kokoronashi, he wouldn't be able to accept love and how it makes him feel. He would think that he prefers for everyone to hate him and be lonely instead of sacrificing his tougher side. Also talks about how he's grown way too quickly for him to understand feelings properly ("So please hurry leave me, I can't breathe, please don't say you love me" "One word from you and I would jump out of this ledge I'm on baby" "I was so young when I behaved 25, yet now I find I've grown into a tough child"

The Other Side Of Paradise-Glass Animals: Vibes

Bodybag-Chloe Moriondo: How I feel about liking his character, confronting feelings basically ("Don't know if I hate you or if I wanna date you" "I don't wanna like you, I just wanna tie you up, then keep you in a cage and watch you sleep for ages"

Get Into It (Yuh)-Doja Cat: Vibes

Psycho Killer-2005 Remaster- Talking Heads: Vibes

HOT DEMON B!TCHES NEAR U!!!-CORPSE, Night Lovell: Vibes

INFERNO-Sub Urban, Bella Poarch: Again, another song that describes him pretty well ("Baby I'm the reason why hell's so hot" "Terribly like terrible, she's a villain" "Think I'm getting butterflies but it's really something telling me to run away")

Bad Morning-Omori: Vibes

Trouble Brewing: Vibes

Dueles Tan Bien-Bruses: Another song about my confronting feelings with this man ("You know what? You taste better than alcohol to me. You know that and you've got control" "Because you hurt, and you hurt so good that I don't know what to do")

And that's it!! This took me the whole day to write but it makes me very happy to be able to share it :)

I've you've read the entire thing, hope you enjoyed the character analysis! ლ(◞‿◟ლ)

#Spotify #imawa no kuni no alice #alice in borderland #alice in borderland netflix #niragi #niragi suguru #suguru niragi #character playlist #aib niragi #aib #overanalyzing niragi is my favorite hobby

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black-rose-writings · 3 years

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I read Ruin and Rising because I’m bored

And I also hate myself

Like with the last book, I have a vague idea of the plot and stuff from tumblr and fanfics. I will also be refering to Darkling as Sasha for most of this.

I am still Darklina trash and don’t particularly like Mal.

On a different note, I’ve finally moved for college, but the internet here is trash, so I’ll probably have a lot more reading time now, since most games I play are online and will crash without internet.

Before

Cool story. Let’s hope Alina stays a badass.

Who am I joking, I know how this ends.

Chapter 1

So far so good. I hate the Apparat, per usual. Alina’s there basically dying and that bitch can’t wait to see her do so.

Cult leader to the core this one. He probably hates that his figurehead is alive and also not brainwashed.

Cult leader doesn’t like swearing. How surprising.

My boy David is completely right. What kind of irresponsible dingus keeps centuries old books in a fucking wet-ass cave? (Or a tree for that matter *cough cough* The Last Jedi *cough, cough*).

Genya is fun to be around.

Oh, shit, let’s go.

Chapter 2

Jesus Christ, Alina, Zoya isn’t that bad.

This is one hell of a shitshow.

I live for this version of Alina. Badass. Scary. I want more of this Alina.

Chapter 3

Out of all the random little details from crappy smut fics, I did not expect Oncat to be from the books, lol.

Mal actually has a supernatural tracking ability. Like, literally, they put a bug into the pouch with gunpowder so he could make the shot. I guess this was kinda said before, but never this directly, right?

Alina’s merzost-skyping Sasha now, yay.

Alina is horny for Sasha boy. Yay.

Alina canonically has a praise kink. Nice.

I hate LB with all of my heart at this very moment. How dare she bait us Darklina people like this? How DARE she? (Shipbaiting is the worst, seriously.)

Yes, yes, yes. These two lines. That’s what their relationship is all about. They’re each others foils, the yin to the other’s yang and... ugh. I am Darklina trash to the core and this hurts.

Darklina: You have a terrible taste in men.

Alina: I liked you once.

My boy Sasha walked into that one.

Chapter 4

Alina is a Queen. And we love her.

David, my beloved, my spirit animal.

It’s surprising they can read it at all, given it’s been centuries. Have you ever tried reading medieval manuscripts?

Honestly, with a father that crazy, it’s no wonder Baghra’s a bitch. And I’ve seen it said somewhere that the books imply Ilya’s experiments are what caused Baghra to be a shadow summoner and you know what? I can see how you’d make that connection.

Why is there so few Tidemakers in the books? Waterbenders are useful. I want more waterbenders.

Alina picking up some habits from Baghra I see.

Ah, yes, we love an educated giant.

I’m starting to think Harshaw is a bit nuts.

Shut up, Hershey. Or at least share the weed with the class. I’m not here for this “He’s mean to you because he likes you”. I might believe that in like, elementary school, but yall are (more or less) adults. Jesus.

Well, that was a bombshell of a twist.

Chapter 5

Oh boy, we’ve got some trauma bonding for out merry band of misfits. Yay.

Adrik has a crush on Zoya. And she hates it, lol. Cut the kid some slack, he’s like 15 or something.

That reminds me, I have a four-leaf clover pressed in books from close to year and a half ago. Time flies.

They’re really diving into the Mal has supernatural powers, huh?

Ghosts, let’s go.

Alina “I’m so happy to be outside I start to shine like a fucking fairy” Starkov and Mal is entranced. He’s definitelly nicer now. I’m not forgiving him for all the shit he’s pulled before and for using the silent treatment way too much, but hey, at least he’s improving.

I am not a Zoyalina person, but like... gay? Please? Rivals to grudging allies to friends to lovers, 300k slowburn? Sounds more fun than whatever Mala dn Alina have going on, lol.

(I’m starting to realize I’m not as much a Darklina person as I am anti-Malina person, lol. Like, literally everyone has a more interesting dynamic with Alina than tracker boy over there. Malina is at best boring AF and at worst toxic, codependent and emotionally abusive, while also being boring AF at the same time. It has literally nothing going for it except God herself liking it).

I can see why Nadia is gay in the show. The book version of her definitelly has a crush on Tamar. Homegirl likes a woman, who can murder her with the flick of her wrist and honestly? Same.

Alina has some big “coming out of lockdown after a year” energy atm.

The cat is one of the most realistic characters in this thing, lol.

And since Tamar is also heavily queercoded, our lovely ladies make off into the night, flirting. Or maybe not. Let me dream, though.

At least Blade Boy is aware that his tattoo is stupid. To quote someone ranting about him on tumblr: He’s embracing his identity as a tool.

Oh, boy, this will be fun.

Evil soldier is horny for Mal. Saints, is there a woman in this book who isn’t horny for Blade Boy?

And here comes Niki to save the day.

Chapter 6

Niki saved the day.

Fiberglass? And David being David. Genya being in love with her nerd of a boyfriend.

Jesus Christ, this one crazy kid has moved the technology in this universe a whole century on his own. So, when is David going to propose to him?

Baghra hasn’t changed much I see.

Baghra’s about to drop some truthbombs, but no, we have to be rudely interupted because Genya’s rapist is throwing a fit.

Chapter 7

How does Mal sound? Is she gonna say the Blade boy sounds like her dad? I mean, I know voices are partially genetic, but it has been tens of generations between them, probably.

So, we’re finally taking Genya’s trauma seriously after all this time? Good. Better late than never, I guess.

I wish that regicide was already finished and I’m pretty sure that Genya does, too. Stop defending the fucking king, narrative.

David’s a nerd in all things I see.

Someone please just kill the king already. And the queen, too, for good measure.

Now that’s a romance.

Infodumping and listening to said infodumps is a legitimate love language, Alina. Let them nerd out over poisons.

Wait, has Alina never directly killed anyone before? I thought she did... hmmm.

And just like that, it should have been over. Ugh.

Somehow, Baghra is a better teacher now than she was before. She half feels like a completely different character.

Nevermind, she’s back at it.

Chapter 8

Holy shit, Nadia and Tamar are canon. They have canon gays here.

So, which one of them is gonna die?

Chapter 9

We arrive at that scene. The one, where they should have fucked.

Jeez, girl, get a hold of yourself. Life is short, fuck a villain.

In other news, Genya and David definitelly fucked.

Chapter 10

Poor David. He just wanted to know.

Damn... I never realized just how young Baghra was, when she killed her sister.

I’ve already made a post about this, but it really does strike me like Baghra has already decided to end her life at this point in the book.

Why is that whole “but what if we’re related” thing even in there?

Chapter 11

We love a suprise attack.

When did Sasha boy learn that trick?

Baghra really just did that. Oh boy.

Chapter 12

No, don’t kill the kid... ugh.

Emotiona support cat. She should be friends with Milo.

Porrige for brains. Oof.

So Nadia was the one, who got bees set on her in the book. Cool.

That’s a good question. Why was it never brought up to Alina, that other Grisha get blocks, too?

David already thinking of steampunk prosthetic for Adrik is honestly kinda sweet.

Chapter 13

Back home... kinda.

Is that really... you really care about Mal bonking the Grisha school mean girl over a year ago? Okay.

Chapter 14

Angst! Yay!

And more angst.

Chapter 15

Sasha really went “My mom killed herself to save you? Well, I’ll kill the closest thing to parents you have.”

Chapter 16

Nikolai’s alive. Kinda.

And these two have such a sibling energy, I can’t.

And then they fuck. Ew.

Chapter 17

Wait, wait wait... so Alina isn’t even the one to destroy the Fold?

Okay. That’s... weird.

Holy shit. That was...

So, Aleksander is dead. Mal isn’t. Someone else destroyed the Fold for Alina and now she has no powers.

Okay.

That’s a weird-ass ending.

Chapter 18

The gays survived, so that’s nice.

Genya made good on her promise of making Alina a ginger, lol.

After

What emotion is this supposed to give me? Cause all I feel is kinda sad.

#shadow and bone #grishaverse #ruin and rising #book review #alina starkov #darkling #darklina

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master-sass-blast · 3 years

Text

Children of the Gods: Part Three, Chapter One.

AT LONG LAST, THE PLOT FICS ARE BACK, BAY-BEE!!! AND B O Y ARE WE KICKING OFF WITH A DOOZY!!!

As you can see by the title: this is chapter one of three for this fic; I had to chop it up due to length.

Also, this fic as a whole makes for my 100th part of the CHC! I feel like I should do something to celebrate. Let me know if y’all have any suggestions.

Summary: It's been months since anyone's seen or heard of Allison Ricci. At last, you think the storm might be over.

And then Karen Page gets kidnapped again.

Pairing(s): Piotr Rasputin x Reader, Nathan Summers x Wade Wilson, and Frank Castle x Karen Page.

Rating: M for kidnapping, attempted murder, attempted suicide, canon-typical violence, gun violence, and depictions of injury. Like I said, we’re kicking off with a doozy.

Word Count: 4.9k.

Set after “Children of the Gods: Part Two.”

Taglist: @marvel-is-perfection, @chromecutie, @super-darkcloudstudent, @girl-obsessed-with-things, @leo-writer, @emma-frxst, @sadstone-s

There’s no mention or sighting of Allison for nearly six months. Every trail you had for her before goes stone cold. The apartment is cleared out and abandoned. She doesn’t show up in the fighting rings, and even Karen and Frank don’t report anyone following them.

You start to wonder if she died for good this time. That maybe she revived and got herself and her mentor out, but didn’t survive after that.

(You wonder who’ll bury her body, if she’ll be lain to rest next to her family or in a random patch of ground somewhere.)

The storm seems to be over.

And then Karen gets kidnapped again.

***

Wade and Nathan are the ones that technically call it in –by showing up on your doorstep with Frank in tow.

“Allison’s back,” Nate says when your eyes bug out of your head. “Figured Xavier would want to have his people try and round her up, rather than there being an issue with mutant control.”

You blink rapidly, then nod. “Uh… yeah. Let me call Piotr.”

***

The perks of being on a technically-special-law-enforcement team with fancy jets: you can get to the scene a hell of a lot faster than conventional authorities.

You, Wade, Nathan, Frank, and Piotr meet up with Illyana, Mikhail (the two Rasputin siblings are there to “assist” with Allison’s specific powers, considering how things went last time), and Neena in the mall parking lot. After a brief rundown of the plan –get the civilians and Karen out of harm’s way, then detain Allison before the actual cops show up—you all split up and head in through the four major entry points.

The mall is packed when you walk in –go figure, it’s a weekend. Shoppers stroll from shop to shop, vendors at the pop up stands call out to passersby, music plays on the overhead speakers.

“The picture the kid sent me had a pretzel stand in the background,” Frank growls through the speaker in your earpiece.

“Food court, then,” Neena replies –in perfect, crystal clear audio, no less. “The kiosk map doesn’t show too many food stands outside there.”

Illyana tugs on your sleeve and directs you to the left. “We are close.”

You dodge to avoid a cluster of shoppers. “There’s a lot of people here. If she –if she has… weapons, like last time—”

“We’ll deal with it,” Nathan growls over the comms system before softly reprimanding Wade for trying to detour into Hot Topic. “Our goal right now is to capture Allison before she escapes again.”

“Civilian lives still matter,” Piotr insists before putting a hand on the small of your back to usher you around a “Wet Floor: Caution” sign. He’s armored down, but he’s wearing his X-Men suit under a black sweatshirt. “We must consider their well-being.”

“And if we tell them they’re in danger, we’ll make a panicked stampede, and that won’t help us or anyone else,” Nate says tersely. “Just stay calm. Our best bet is to try and talk Allison down without alerting anyone around us.”

“If she tries to hurt Karen—" Frank grits out.

“We’ll cross that bridge if and when we get there,” Nathan declares, tone permitting no room for argument.

The lot of you round another corner, passing by a shop that boasts having “all the latest console games at all the best prices” and a Victoria’s Secret—

“I see her,” Neena says. You hear thuds her footsteps pick up, and a second later you see her jog around a Starbucks stand and head down the hall to the food court. “Twelve o’clock, dead center of the court.”

Twenty meters away, sitting at a little food court table, are Allison and Karen; the former is dressed in all black, leaning back in her seat while staring down the latter –who, all things considered, doesn’t seem too much worse for wear.

Frank inhales sharply, then appears through the crowd a few minutes later, walking so fast he’s practically running. “Too many people here.”

“We’ll talk her down,” Nathan says, rounding the corner nearest the Macy’s with Wade.

Illyana tenses, then grabs your arm before breaking into a run. “We need to move. She has seen Castle.”

Sure enough, Allison’s scowling. She shoves her chair back hard enough to knock it into the table behind her; she stands, ignoring the complaints from the nearby diners. Her eyes start glowing blue as she glares at Frank.

“Ah, shitfarts,” Wade grumbles.

“Everyone down!” Nathan bellows before yanking Frank back and erecting a telekinetic shield.

A massive shockwave of blue energy erupts across the food court, sending shoppers and tables alike flying into the air. The glass, domed skylight over the food court shatters, raining shards of windows and broken lights down on the panicked, shrieking bystanders.

Illyana erects a shield before the shockwave can hit the rest of you. She grits her teeth as debris and a few of the shoppers closest to the epicenter bounce off it, tumbling along the tiled floor. “Still think we will ‘talk her down?’”

No, you think, gulping when you realize that some of the blast victims aren’t getting up. I think we’re well past that.

“Karen!” Frank charges towards Allison, shotgun –loaded with bean bag rounds—in hand. “Get down!”

Karen dives behind a toppled table.

Illyana charges at Allison, clothes shimmering as they morph into black body armor. She leaps over an overturned table, then extends her hand and fires a blue bolt of magical energy at the younger girl.

Allison ducks. She stumbles briefly, but quickly rights herself. She grits her teeth, then screams as she unleashes a volley of azure-colored energy blasts at Illyana.

“Go! Get out!” Piotr waves a few stragglers –with their phones out to film the ruckus, go figure—away. He ducks another round of fire from Allison, then armors up and strides towards her. “That is enough—”

Allison whips her head to the side, then back at Illyana. She quickly fires a blast at Illyana –successfully knocking the older girl off her feet, then turns and unleashes a beam of blue energy square into your husband’s chest.

Piotr sails into the food court’s Subway stand with a groan and a resounding clang.

You cram down the urge to run after your husband –he’ll be fine, he’s taken a lot worse before—and focus on the fight at hand.

Nate, Wade, and Frank are pinned down; they’re using some trash can stands as cover, but Allison’s got enough firepower to keep them from risking getting any closer.

Piotr and Illyana are both down for the time being; your husband’s tangled up with the condiments trays, while the youngest Rasputin’s on the floor, groaning.

Neena’s working the perimeter, getting shoppers out while setting up to flank Allison from behind.

And Mikhail’s… disappeared—

No, there he is, you think when you see him blink into existence. You let out a short sigh of relief when you see him take Karen’s hand and teleport to a safer distance, then do a short run before launching yourself in the air. Alright, let’s get the boys some cover.

Allison’s head jerks back as she follows your trajectory. Her eyes glow, bits of blue smoke wafting off at the corners, and then she fires another bolt of energy at you from her eyes.

You flit out of the line of fire, then fling an arc of wind at her.

Allison topples onto the tile floor. She yelps, then disappears into the ground to avoid being ensnared in one of Illyana’s spells. She pops back up a few feet away moments later—

Just in time to see Wade duck behind an overturned table.

Your brother snarls, cursing and panicking when Allison renders the table to a pile of ash with a flick of her wrist. “Something tells me that murder baby’s leveled up!”

“Gee!” You holler back. “What was your first hint!”

“Go!” Nathan hollers when Allison uses a bolt of magical energy strong enough to rip through several store fronts. He waves Karen and Frank off. “Get out of here! We’ve got this!”

Allison whirls. She bares her teeth when she sees Frank and Karen escaping, then slaps her palm against the food court floor.

Brilliant, bright streaks of azure energy zip along the floor, twinkling against the tiles before disappearing a few feet ahead of Karen and Frank.

The floor –from edge to edge of the hall, leaving no area untouched—crumple into ash, leaving a pit more than twenty feet deep. The ground between the doors behind Allison and the girl in question evaporate as well, along with the spaces in front of the emergency exits.

“Just when I left my rock climbing gear at home,” Wade grumbles, sounding somewhat winded.

Allison charges towards Karen and Frank, rendering tables, chairs, and random debris to ash as she runs to get a straight shot. She knocks Wade off his feet with via chucking a bolt of energy at him, forces you to duck behind a Pizza Hut counter with another one—

And then runs smack into Mikhail when he teleports right in front of her.

Mikhail wraps his arms around her, then leans back so he clears her feet off the ground. He stumbles a little while Allison rages and snarls. “Got her!”

Allison swears –then twists and drives her heel into Mikhail’s crotch.

Mikhail drops. He curls in on himself, groaning. “Kroshechnyy kon'… O Bozhe, moi yaytsa.”

Allison tumbles to the ground. She dodges more wind strikes from you, then lets out a feral snarl as she charges towards Frank and Karen.

Frank yanks Karen behind him, then shouts as he barrels towards Allison.

He has no game plan. You can see it in his eyes.

You vault yourself over the Subway counter, intent on tackling Allison, or knocking her over with a wind slice, or –something.

Before you can do anything, a blue circle forms around Allison, glowing brightly before expanding into a domed shield.

Allison skitters to a stop. Her dark curls jerk and bounce as she looks around wildly. She seethes, then launches a blast of energy at the shield, only for it to bounce off the veil of energy harmlessly.

A few feet away, Illyana lowers her hand. She smirks. “There. Much better.”

“Will –will that hold her?” Karen asks, voice rough and shaky.

“Until we can find way to transport, da.” Illyana reaches up her sleeve, then pulls out a spell book. “I have potent sleep spell. Will take but moment to find proper runes for casting.”

Behind you, Piotr groans as he finally disentangles his head from a –now very crushed—oven. He staggers, shakes himself, then turns and sags with relief when he sees Allison in the shield bubble. “Oh. Good.”

“Are you okay?” You jog over to him as he armors down and all but collapses into a nearby booth. “Babe? What’s wrong?”

“Ears are ringing.” He groans and clutches his head in his hands. “I hit my head very hard.”

You rub his shoulders, reassuring yourself as much as you are him. You can only imagine where else he’s hurt if Allison managed to concuss him while in defense mode. All you want now is to get back to Xavier’s so your husband can get the medical treatment he needs. “Don’t worry. Everything’s going to be—”

The ground shakes.

You steady yourself on the booth opposite Piotr –then suck a breath between your teeth when it happens again, harder than before. “Shit.” You whip your gaze back to Illyana. “What’s—”

You see Illyana, teeth gritted and eyes glowing blue as she holds both her hands towards the shield.

You see Nathan, Neena, and everyone else slowly backing away from the dome of energy.

And, inside the containment bubble, you see Allison, flinging attack after attack at the walls of the shield.

Your eyes widen when you watch Allison unleash a sustained burst of energy at the shield walls. Fuck.

Glowing, white cracks form along the shield.

Oh holy fuck.

“Get down!” Neena screams.

Piotr all but tackles you –despite his head injury—to the floor just as the shield gives way. He armors back up, then covers your body with his.

Magic energy explodes through the food court, flinging the remaining tables and chairs into the walls. All the windows –in the skylights, the automatic doors, and the nearby shops—blow out, spraying glass everywhere. The ground shakes, cracking and dissipating into clouds of ash in various places.

Allison crawls out of the crater left by her explosion. She pants, shoulders heaving with each breath. Her mouth tugs into a fierce scowl; her eyes glow so brightly that they’re almost white.

Cracks form on the ground next to her, glowing white and smoking. They widen into gaping holes, with vortexes of energy swirling inside them.

And then these… beasts crawl out of them. Snarling, slobbering monsters with fangs the size of your arm. Their claws shatter the tiles underneath their massive paws. Their eyes glow red, not unlike hellfire. They almost look like wolves, if wolves had crossbred with the Hulk and had ichor and tar dripping off their skin.

Your jaw drops. “What the…”

Mikhail lets out a whoop. “Puppies!”

“Do puppies normally look like they want to turn humans into sausages?” Wade yelps, skittering out of reach when one of the hellhounds lets out a howl that sends a plume of fire into the air.

Illyana swears up a storm. She flicks her wrist, summoning the Soul Sword to her hand.

Before she can do anything else, though, one of the hellhounds charges her, knocking her off her feet and into one of the nearby shops.

“Snezhinka!” Piotr shoves himself to the feet, armors up, and barrels off after his sister –with Mikhail hot on his heels.

The other hellhound stalks towards Neena, Wade, and Nathan. It growls, acid dripping from its teeth and onto the ground, corroding whatever it touches.

“Should’ve worn the brown pants,” Wade groans. “Okay –anyone got a plan?”

“Duck!” Neena shouts when the hound unleashes another fiery howl.

You don’t duck –or run, or attack, or anything useful. No, you freeze, torn between going after your husband and siblings-in-law, helping protect Wade, Neena, and Nate, or trying to get Karen and Frank away from Allison.

Speaking of which…

Allison is lobbing bolts of energy at Frank and Karen; she’s closing in on them fast, quickly cornering them against the crater she’d made between the food court and the rest of the wall.

Frank whisks Karen behind his back. “Hey, hey, hey!” He extends a hand towards Allison in some sort of desperate attempt to get her to stop. “Just calm the fuck down!”

“Go to hell!” She rears back for another attack –and there’s no cover, nothing for Frank or Karen to hide behind or grab onto—

The choice makes itself for you.

You jump over the booth Piotr had pulled both of you behind and whip a wall of wind at her.

The blast launches her off her feet. She shrieks, sailing behind a pile of rubble before disappearing from view.

“Come on!” You leap over to Karen and Frank. The sounds of the hellhounds are too close for comfort –and, judging by Wade’s shrieks, the general amounts of swearing, and Piotr’s groans of exertion, the beasts are winning. “Let’s get out of here.” You get an arm around Karen, then start to put one around Frank, intent on lifting them over the crater and flying them out of here—

There’s a scream, and then a thin, whip-like strand of blue energy wraps around Frank’s neck.

His eyes go comically wide as he flies backwards. He lets out a choked shout, then groans –guttural and rough—when he hits the ground.

Allison stalks towards him. Her teeth are bared, and she looks entirely done with the situation. …And then she pulls a knife out of her jacket pocket.

You level another blast of air in Allison’s direction.

She manages to deflect it with a shield, then fires a volley of energy bolts at you and Karen.

Karen dodges.

You don’t.

You careen into the crater, narrowly dodging exposed bits of steel bar reinforcement and some leaking water lines before hitting rock hard dirt. You grunt, wind going out of you as you crumple against the ground. Fuck.

The hellhounds are still snarling nearby. You can still hear their ghoulish howls, accompanied by the crackling roar of the fire they unleash with each snap. Above the hellish din, Wade’s swearing and shrieking about his ass, Nate’s firing his future gun, Illyana and Mikhail are arguing—

Dammit. You shove yourself to your feet, panting and swearing the entire time. Once you’re upright, you launch yourself to the mall floor—

Which is when a new sound makes itself known to you.

Frank is screaming. That in and of itself isn’t unusual –he does it quite often—but now he’s doing it on his back, hands wrapped around Allison’s forearms, trying to keep her from sinking her knife blade into his right eye.

You’d think it wouldn’t be much of a fight –but she’s winning. She’s using her powers for leverage against Frank’s strength. You wouldn’t think a teenager with arms like noodles would have a shot, but Frank’s arms are shaking as Allison slowly, inexorably, pushes the knife towards his head.

Frank shouts –and Allison shrieks right back at him; she sounds like a pissed off barn owl.

You stumble forward, wincing and collapsing to your knees when your left leg screams in protest. Shit.

Allison bares her teeth at Frank –and then she freezes. Her body goes stiff. Her eyes roll into the back of her head –and then she collapses against the ground, limp as a ragdoll.

Karen Page stands behind her, stun gun in hand. She lets out a hard breath when Allison drops against the ruined tile floor, then turns the stun gun off and reaches to help Frank up. “You okay?”

He grunts by way of response.

Allison starts squirming against the ground, trying to push herself upright.

She yanks the barbs and wires connecting her to Karen’s stun gun out of her shoulder, seething and snarling all the while. She staggers to her feet, lurching wildly as she tries to regain control over her body. She whirls, dark curls flinging back and forth with abandon.

Frank snaps into action. He immediately throws Karen behind him, forcing her back and away as Allison storms towards them. He holds one hand out, keeping some space between him and the teen. His gaze snaps back and forth, searching wildly for some sort of obstacle to put in her path or some sort of cover to duck behind—

There’s a dull thud, and then Allison lets out a choked shout as she tumbles to the ground.

Behind her, standing in the wreckage of one of the shops, Neena lowers the repression cuff gun your dad created to help capture rogue mutants.

You bend over, panting as you brace your hands against your knees. “Cool. Awesome. Holy shit.”

The snarling of the hellhounds disappears, too; the only sign they were there to begin with are the mounds of ash they leave behind.

Slowly, your dad, Wade, and the Rasputin siblings come staggering out of the surrounding shops.

You sidle up next to Piotr, who’s already armoring down and looks beat to hell. You nod at him when he nods to you, then focus on the scene at hand.

Allison crouches on the floor. She snarls, yanking at the repression cuff on her wrist.

“Okay –ow, fuck!” Wade cringes as he resets his dislocated arm, then limps towards Allison. “Alright, murder baby. I’ve been chewed on, used as a tug toy, had a shop light fall on my nuts, and I’m pretty sure my third cervical vertebra is never going to feel whole again. Your whole ‘vengeance blood lust’ was pretty cute, but I draw the line at spinal reconfiguration. Time for you to head over to Xavier’s Home for Extraordinary Children and do group fucking therapy like the rest of the X-Dweebs.”

Allison bares her teeth at him, then kicks him square in the crotch.

Wade shrieks, doubling over and dropping to the floor. He curls into a fetal position, whimpering over his “dangly unmentionables.”

“Enough, Allison,” Nathan grits out. He uses his telekinesis to drag her across the floor, steadily sliding her towards him. “It’s done. Let it go.”

“Eat –eat shit!” Allison scrabbles against the floor, searching for a handhold –then snags a loose gun (most likely dropped by Mikhail at some point) and fires at Nathan. She struggles to her feet when he ducks –breaking the telekinetic hold—then whirls and aims at Frank.

“No!” Karen flings herself in front of Frank –which results in a lot of protesting from him—and holds out a hand. “Allison, no! Killing him isn’t what you want!”

“Like hell it is!”

“No, it isn’t. He’ll be dead and you’ll be in jail, and you’ll still have all your anger with no outlet for it,” Karen insists, voice ragged. She fixes Allison with a hard stare. “Let it go, Allison. Killing him won’t change anything.”

Allison sneers. “Fuck you. Like this is about ‘change!’ My family’s never coming back, and I have to live with that every single day. I have to remember waking up to them being gone, to their brains on the walls, to his—” she whips the gun wildly to point at Frank “—stupid graffiti tag on the floor. No, fuck you! I’m the one who has to go through the nightmares and the loneliness and the grief and has to bury my family! I don’t care that this won’t change anything. I’ll feel good for five seconds, and that’s better than the past few months have been!”

Your stomach clenches. Shit.

Frank gulps. Eyes shining, he steps out in front of Karen –even though she tries to stop him—and puts himself right in Allison’s line of sight. “You want me dead? Do it.”

“Frank,” Nathan says, voice sharp with warning.

“Pull the trigger,” Frank says, stepping closer as Allison’s hands shake. “Take me out. I killed your family. I did the same thing to you that happened to me. I’m a hypocrite; I deserve it.”

Allison seethes, body trembling as Frank slowly approaches her. “I will! I’ll do it!”

“Pull the trigger,” Frank says, voice soft and thick with emotion. “Do it, kid. Take me down if you want it so bad.”

Wade pushes himself off the ground. “Castle, I swear to God—”

Allison growls –and lowers her gun. She sobs, shoulders slumping. She falls to her knees, body shaking with each gasping breath she takes. “You couldn’t just… kill me? Do me the favor of not having to live without them?”

Frank flinches, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows reflexively. “I don’t do shit like that, kid.”

Allison looks up at him –and her gaze sharpens. She smiles, sharp and manic. “Oh. So that’s what it takes to break you.”

And then she put the muzzle of the gun under her chin.

“No!” You fling yourself at Allison, colliding with her before she can pull the trigger. You tackle her to the ground, wrenching the gun out of her hands before hugging her tight against your chest. “No, sweetheart. No. No, no, no—”

Allison shrieks. Tears stream down her face once more. “Just let me die! Please! Why won’t any of you just let me die!”

You shush her gently, rocking her back and forth. You cast your gaze over your shoulder, looking to Piotr.

He’s scrubbing at his face with his hand. He meets your gaze, eyes widening before he shrugs, as though to say, “I don’t know how to handle this, either.”

“Okay.” Nathan crosses the distance to you and Allison. He crouches behind her, cuffing her hands behind her back before helping her and you stand. “Alright, kiddo. Let’s… let’s get you some rest. Okay?”

“I –I need Ar-Artemis,” Allison sobs. Her body heaves with each step she takes. “I need Artemis, I need her—”

“Okay, munchkin,” Wade says as he walks Allison in the direction of the jet. “We’ll get her called for you. Do you have her number? Anyone else you want us to call?”

“My law-lawyer.”

“That checks out.”

You hang back, letting Wade take over. You feel fried; pain aside, your mind is utterly void, a swirling mass of black and gibberish and too much and screaming and—

Neena hooks her arm around yours. She smiles at you when you look up at her, then gently ushers you after Wade and the others. “Come on. Let’s get back to the mansion.”

***

“I’m gonna fucking murder you, Castle!”

You wince as another angry shriek bounces off the walls of the jet’s cabin. You’re sitting on one of the benches, injured leg propped up on your husband’s lap.

Allison snaps and rages as Mikhail, Neena, and Wade try to buckle her in; somewhere during the walk to the jet, she’d switched from broken weeping to insurmountable rage once more.

Next to you, Frank keeps his eyes trained on the ground. He’s got an arm around Karen, who’s watching Allison in cautious silence.

“You’re fucking dead! I will hang you up by your fucking intestines! I’ll put your fucking sniper scope up your ass, you emo wannabe piece of shit!”

Wade snickers. “‘Emo wannabe piece of shit.’ Good one.”

Now that you’re up close to her, you can see just… how not well she’s doing. Dark bags hang under her eyes, stark against her pallid skin. Her cheeks and neck are gaunt –and, under her dark clothes and slapdash body armor, you suspect the rest of her body tells a similar story of grief and an inability to cope.

Who could cope, with everything she’s been through? The only person in this jet who has a similar understanding is the one that put her family in the ground –and he did that to cope with losing his own family and being shot in the head, so that pretty much says how well he’s doing, technically speaking.

Piotr squeezes you gently when you sigh. “We are almost home.”

Not close enough, you think as Allison all but foams at the mouth while she hurls insult after insult at Frank.

Wade rears back, shaking his hand. “Not the middle one! I need that one! Motherfucker!”

Allison spits his finger out of her mouth. She plants her feet, then tries to launch herself at Frank again.

“Enough!” You stand, careful to keep your weight off your bad leg. “You’re in a jet and you don’t have use of your hands. Either let yourself be buckled in or we’re sedating you!”

“This is bullshit,” Allison growls, even as she lets Neena and Mikhail sit her down and strap her in. Her eyes never leave Frank. “He’s the one who killed my family, and I’m the one in handcuffs.”

You march over to Allison as best you can. You’re not sure what your face looks like right now, but given the way she shrinks back you’re certain you look pissed. You plant your hands on the wall behind her, one on either side of her head, then lean in until you’re almost nose to nose with her. “You’re handcuffed,” you spit out between gritted teeth, “because you tried to kill yourself in that mall. The restraints are for your own safety; they have nothing to do with Frank.”

“But he—”

“Isn’t in our jurisdiction,” you tell her, voice hard. “We picked you up because you’re a mutant engaging in criminal activity. It was either us or the DMC, and if it’d been them, you’d be in the Icebox or dead. Frank only came because you kidnapped his girlfriend –and, frankly, it’s reasonable that he’d want to come along to save her.”

The dark-eyed teen pouts up at you. “But –my family—”

“Is gone,” you finish, voice softer now. You lean back a little so you’re not so in her space. “And I’m sorry you lost them, Allison. I really am. What Frank did was wrong. But you can’t keep on this path. You’re endangering yourself, and you’re endangering the rest of the community by reinforcing the belief that mutants are dangerous through your actions.” You straighten up. “If you don’t calm down, we’re going to have to lock you in one of the changing rooms until we’re at the mansion. Do you want that?”

She glowers, but shakes her head.

“Neither do I—”

“We can go into one of the changing rooms.” Karen stands, and Frank stands with her. She flashes you a sympathetic, appreciative smile when you look at her. “We’ll be fine in there.”

You heave an internal sigh of relief when Neena ushers Frank and Karen into one of the changing rooms, then slides the door shut.

Allison glares after Frank. She sniffs, chin trembling. “He killed my family. I woke up and –and they were gone.”

“I know, sweetheart.” You smooth her hair away from her face as she starts crying again. “I know.

“I want Artemis,” she sobs, skinny shoulders shaking with each breath she takes. “My phone –on my phone—”

“We’ll make sure we call her for you,” you reassure her as you stroke her hair. You grimace as she collapses –as much as the seatbelt lets her—against you, weeping against your neck. You hold her as best you can, trying to ignore the twinges in your leg or the creeping sense of ‘we’re in over our fucking heads… again’ crawling up your spine. “I know, sweetheart. I know.”

#sass writes #piotr rasputin x reader #nathan summers x wade wilson #frank castle x karen page #tw: violence #tw: gun violence #tw: attempted murder #tw: suicide attempt #this one's p heavy #but at long last we're back to PLOT #and not just smut fillers #deadpool fanfiction #x men fanfiction

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karimac · 3 years

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...in the details, Part 2

A/N: Warning for this series: 18+ audience (minors DNI), some cinematic level violence, some fluff and angst. Doubt that smut will be involved, but it may be implied. I’ll make sure that is noted clearly if it pops up.

All relationships, at this point anyway, are platonic.

Please do not repost or translate my work. Likes, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

A bit about the OC Kari

Part 1

All mistakes are my own.

Word count: 2,249

Before you ventured into Westview, a flight of birds overhead reminded you of Redwing and Sam. Poor Sam. That sixth sense you had told you that fight at the compound was going to lead you all into very weird places. And the first one left you very squarely not in the room once again.

This time it was Steve and Bucky being thick as thieves, and you and Sam were…making a sandwich run? Couldn’t exactly get GrubHub to make a delivery to an attack site, could you? Bruce did not want some driver with a cellphone putting video up on Snapchat. “How would that look?” he bemoaned as he worked on the time travel platform. “We’d be getting tourists left and right. I don’t need that.” So off you and Sam went.

“You know, you could just, you know,” Sam started to say as he waved his hands like he thought a wizard would do, “and just poof up a plate of stuff. Right? With extra food for Banner, of course. He inhales tacos like nobody’s business. Just ask Tic Tac.”

“Sam, what have I told all of you before? Magic is the transfer of energy and matter. No suitable food stuff means no sandwiches. I can’t just think about the deli counter at Wegman’s and make a sandwich and a side of coleslaw appear in my hand. So, we’ll order on the app and pick it up. Just like everyone else. Before I hit the button, any changes to your order?”

“No, it’s fine. But don’t tell me you’ve never done shit like that when you’ve had your back against it,” Falcon huffed as you went to the rental car you’d gotten earlier in the day. That, thank Heaven, was easy to get at the local but extremely small airport.

“I’ve killed small rodents and eaten them, and I don’t mean just rabbits. Snakes, too. And, well, birds of prey, like falcons,” you groaned as you started to get into the car, but you stopped and headed back to the passenger side. “And I know you hate my driving, so here you go,” you said as you handed Sam the keys. “Sorry it isn’t a Ferrari. I was lucky to get this Kia. They didn’t exactly have anything race course worthy.”

As Sam climbed in, he saw bags of gear in the back seat. “You pulling a Wanda? Need some me time away from all us testosterone jockeys? Cyborg is going to be pissed.”

“Bucky has other stuff to deal with, trust me,” you said as you rolled your eyes. “He does not need to add Crazy Old Broad to his growing list of things to do and people to take care of this week. I heard him talking to Steve…”

“You? Eavesdropping? You are human!” Sam smirked, but then he saw the comment had hit a nerve. “You know I was kidding, right?”

“I know you are,” you said as you swallowed hard. In reality, you were not exactly buying that last comment. Sam was a sweetheart, but his comment sounded like things Tony and Steve had said about you in the weeks before the Time Heist. It depended on the situation, but one or the other of them seemed to question you, your motives, your powers and what they could do, and, at times, your grasp on reality. You did have a connection to a goddess they couldn’t see. Blaming them for having those questions just was not in your wheelhouse. “And yeah, maybe I just need to go figure a few things out. You guys know how to get me back here if you need me.”

“Somehow I don’t think Steve, Bucky and I would look so great standing and screaming your name in the middle of a fight,” Sam noted as he finally turned the key in the ignition.

“Now who is having issues with gender roles?” you said with a very pronounced side glance. “Sam, we are all human. We all need a save now and then. Maybe you’ll never have to utter my name again after today, unless you guys can’t find something you think I hid? Thor will be back once he’s done exploring the universe, and you can always get him here fast if you have Strange find him. And Wong is just dying for his shot as a full time Avenger. We all know that! And I can go back and do, well, goddess stuff, I guess. And raise horses. Just, please, make sure no one drops the ball on Parker. He lost his parents and his uncle. Losing Tony will hit him harder than anyone likely expects. He’s a good kid. He just needs support and guidance. Now, want to get this thing moving, or do you want me to drive?”

“And have you antagonize the local cops by going Mach 1? No thank you!”

You had to laugh at that one. You did tend to floor it. A lot.

++++++++++

A short time later, you and Sam rolled back to the site Bruce had chosen to set up the time travel platform. After you two handed out all the food, you realized it was really time for you to get going. No, you didn’t have a train, plane or bus to catch or someone to meet. You just knew it was going to get harder to make the break the longer you stayed there.

“She’s pulling a Wanda on us,” Sam said as he finished off the last of the sweet tea he had grabbed at the deli where you’d gotten food. “I think it’s too much he-man macho stuff, but she won’t fess up to that.”

“Wilson, how many brothers did I have?” you asked as you cleaned up the trash from the table Bruce had borrowed from a local park that had been wrecked during the battle. It had a huge hole in the end, but hey, it was good enough for the moment.

“Eight,” Bucky replied before Sam got the chance. “Just don’t quiz me on all their names. I remember your twin, Branan, and the one who was the vampire. Ewan? Right?”

“Yup, that’s right,” you grinned at Buck. “And no quiz. Promise,” you said as you raised your left hand and crossed your heart with your right.

“Why are you leaving?” Bruce asked as he adjusted the sling on his still injured arm, putting extra emphasis on the word “are” as he uttered it. “We need all the help we can get.”

Bruce, heaven help him, was suddenly one of the last active OG Avengers standing on Earth. Thor was off finding himself with the Guardians, and no one could really begrudge him that. He needed time to heal, and you knew all too well that was not easy nor time limited. Clint had more or less retired again after Natasha’s sacrifice on Vormir. Steve was getting ready to take the stones back, but upon his return, he’d likely join up with Sam and Bucky again to root out any remaining Hydra cells. That left Bruce in a very different place this time around.

“Bruce, you don’t really need me being a head case. Trust me. You do not need me giving any news outlets ammunition to blast headlines that make the team look less than spotless. I need to go home, at least for a little while,” you replied, knowing full well you were not telling him or the others everything. “And as I reminded Sam, you guys can just call me, and I’ll be here. Just whisper my name. Or yell it. Whatever works. Text me! If it’s an emergency, and if I’m not in the middle of some new damned war on my end, I’ll come running. But I have a feeling you guys are going to be just fine. Hell, I’ll give you a blessing before I head out.”

Yeah. A blessing. More like the final nail in the coffin. The words to start the spell to make them forget you.

“Big guy, you first,” you said as you put your hands on Bruce’s injured right arm. “And no, I am doing this, Bruce. It won’t be a full healing, but it should speed things up. You got this, big guy. Biggest brain. Biggest heart. May you realize just how much this team was built with your sweat and tears as it was anyone else’s.”

“I can’t change your mind?” Bruce asked as he pretended to wipe a tear from his eye and pout a bit. “And I am not asking because you are likely the only one of us who can cook…”

“I’m pretty sure all of you guys can cook something. Maybe not a good Colcannon or a fine Dublin coddle, but you’ll survive. As for the cupcakes, you guys may need to get a bakery on speed dial,” you added with a laugh because you knew they’d make that bakery rich. The Avengers loved their sugary snacks.

“Just don’t bug my sister, Bruce,” Sam noted as he waited for you to come over to him. “I still remember asking why the Cupcake Lady had a sword that night when those demon things attacked near the tower. I never asked. Why the cupcakes?”

“And not why the demons or the sword?” you said as you nearly choked on your words. “You realize that was before Steve saw me at Peggy’s funeral. That night was truly a fluke, Sam. No one was supposed to see that side of me then. As for the cupcakes, they were my entry to your world. Gifts from a fan girl. They’re easy to carry, a synch to personalize when needed, and everyone can have their own without fighting,” you said with a grin as Sam shook his head. “What?”

“You sound like Sarah.”

“Then I am in good company. Tell her the good stuff you’ve told me all these years. The words of wisdom. The little jokes. The pep talks. Tell her often. A single mom with two boys needs that. Be there for her, and drag these guys to see her, too. It would do the boys a world of good to have all their uncles stop by. Now, Samuel,” you said as you gave him a hug, “remember to keep these guys flying right. And if the world drops opportunity in your lap, whatever it might be, do not look at it and push it away without a lot of thought. The world needs Sam Wilson, the hero with a heart.”

And now the hardest part of this good bye had you wiping tears from your eyes. “I know. I’m a big mush. Girls from Brooklyn would laugh at me for this, right? Sorry, but girls from Naas and Athy do cry sometimes. I’m going to miss you two lugs. A lot.”

“Lugs. Last time you called us that was in ’43,” Bucky said as he looked down at his feet for a minute. “Somehow Hydra missed that memory.”

“You’ll see us again,” Steve said as he turned briefly to see where the case with the stones was on the platform. “But this time, it better not take 70 years.”

As you looked at the best friends, something about their auras seemed off. They had been planning something when you almost walked in on their chat a few days ago. You had no idea what it was, and you suddenly didn’t want to hang around to find out what the next act was going to bring.

“Just…watch your back, Steve. From what Clint said about Vormir, that one is going to be tough. And Buck, whatever comes next, I’m rooting for you. Even if you can’t see me doing it.”

“You really don’t have to leave,” Bruce kept insisting as you hefted your backpack on your shoulder.

“Dr. Banner, do you really want to fight my demons after all this? I have enemies. You just haven’t seen them yet. Frankly, the only reason that Hydra didn’t grab me before I hooked up with the Howling Commandos was because I was pulled into another dimension by one of those enemies. It was only by some weird twist of fate that Peggy found me when she did. If the veil between worlds had not been so thin near that camp, I might never have made it back, or Hydra might have found me first. It was pure dumb luck.”

{{And, Heaven help me, part of it was these two lugs over here}} you thought as you turned to head to your car. Then you stopped. This was a lot harder than it had been any time before, but it was the curse of an immortal to have to keep moving on. “I wish you luck, joy and happiness. I wish you peace. And, if you are truly lucky, memories long enough to have little space to spare for the likes of me because they are filled with so much more! See you in my dreams, for now anyway, fellas.”

++++++++++

You rolled out of there before Steve started his mission to return the stones, and you got a text from Bruce hours later telling you everything that had happened. Steve not coming back as planned. Then an older version of Steve shows up, sitting on a bench near the platform, and he gives Sam the shield. Right in front of Bucky.

It was now weeks later. No. It was months later, and here you were staring up at the sign for Westview. You’d gotten out of your rental car so you could get a feeling for the area around this little town.

“You made it back,” a voice said behind you. “How are you, after all that mess with Wanda and that Agatha woman? She was a real piece of work.”

The person speaking to you was Dr. Darcy Lewis. Friend of Thor and Dr. Jane Foster. Why was she even here?

You couldn’t fully figure out what the hell she was talking about. You didn’t remember being here before. Yet, you knew who she was, and you had never met her before. Or at least you couldn’t remember meeting her, here or anywhere else.

“Apparently not as great as I thought I was,” you muttered as you winced again. “Dr. Lewis, how long ago was the blip?”

“Give or take a week, about six months ago,” she replied as you started to pace. “Why?”

“Shit. Not this again,” you hissed as you looked up at the sign once more. “I think I’m going to need your help. How much do you know about Celtic myths and Irish history, Dr. Lewis?”

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archetypal-archivist · 3 years

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My Beloved, Penis

Fuck it. I was infected by Penis SMP by @demonboyhalo reblogging a bunch of it and the lack of consistent lore bugged me, so I somehow banged out 2000+ words of fanfic about the Penis SMP and how it got started. Lots of internet humor and classic MInecraft shenanigans in this one folks. *slaps roof* This baby can fit so much crack treated seriously, lol. This is also up on my AO3, Zazibine, if you would prefer to read it there.

_-_-_-_

It was never supposed to get so big. It was just an SMP with a couple friends of his he had met from the Hypixel discord server, where he had logged on simply to trash talk the absolute asshole who had dared to kill him last minute in bedwars, only to stumble upon said asshole- going under the name shittyfartbaby69 of all things- complaining to his girlfriend(?) Milfboss in the voice chat. Thirty minutes later of awkward hellos and the manliest of bitching at each other (with Milf chiming in every once in a while to roast them both), and PenisUnavailable had perhaps his first Minecraft friend in, like, forever.

Then Admiral_Anus had entered chat, bitching about his competitor in ABBA Mining and his bullshit bad luck and the whole process repeated. By the end of the day, Penis had three new friends, a private discord server for the four of them, and a promise to meet up with them in Hypixel next Sunday for the ultimate round of bedwars.

The game went spectacularly. Somehow, Admiral had some of the best bridging skills any of them had ever seen, and between Milfboss' terrifying Scottish screaming and pvp and Shitty with his clutch TNT skills, the three of them almost made up for Penis' awful depth perception. They still lost around forty percent of their games, but that was certainly better than Penis' own abysmal record, not helped with his habit of walking off the edge at inconvenient times.

And it was... fun. Usually bedwars was just him playing in his bedroom alone for an hour before he rage-quit and went back to survival for a bit before he died to fall damage and rage quit that too. But shittyfartbaby69 would crack dirty jokes that he'd never even heard of before, and Milfboss would roast him for looking it up on reddit and Shitty would cuss her out as he tried to prove that no, he was being original- all while Admiral would comment of them as if they were a sideshow display. Then Admiral_Anus would turn around and knock an enemy player off their island with some clever pvp and they would all hoot and holler and swear for a while before going back to their conversation, joking about forgetting the topic and starting up a running gag about something new.

And their accents, mmm. PenisUnavailable would never say it, but he really was as American as white Wonder bread and Milfboss' Scottish brogue, Admiral's smooth British snark, and Shitty's shrieking in Australian, well. Ear candy, you know? Even if he teased them mercilessly for pronouncing shit wrong, like "buhguhr". Ppffttt, it still cracked him up how Milfboss had threatened to murder him after the dictionary app on his phone had proved him right that it was actually "Bur-gur", even if Admiral kept insisting it was pronounced "bruh-girl".

Four hours and twenty-eight wins later, they had agreed to meet up the next day to play again, preferably at an hour that wasn't two am for Shitty again. (It was two am for Shitty again, although that was because they played for six that time.) Eventually, it just became a regular thing, them playing bedwars and competing at ABBA Caving- the one game Penis was unnaturally good at, much to Admiral's annoyance- to the point where they ran out of funny jokes about their competitors and the game itself and started talking personal anecdotes.

Milfboss owned a motorcycle. Admiral, entirely independently, also owned a motorcycle, as that was the only vehicle of reasonable speed and style that could actually handle the London traffic. Shitty couldn't drive at all, something about never passing his driving test. Admiral ate cheese at breakfast. Shitty liked to burn his garbage in a metal oil drum in his backyard. Milfboss posted herself singing covers of shit over on Youtube. And it wasn't just real life stuff either- their minecraft skills were also on the table for them all to collectively roast.

Admiral had never seen a single Minecraft Championship. Milfboss thought a flat cobblestone roof was entirely acceptable. Shitty's favorite block was the flint and steel. (That's not a block, sixty-niner. Shut up, is too. OoOh, real clever, 'shut up'! Uh, how about no? How about I fuckin' make you, ever think 'a that? No nono nonono, I'm on two hearts! I'm on two hearts, stop!) It made him curious, honestly. He wanted to see Milf's builds for himself, get revenge on Shitty, see if Admiral really could beat the Ender Dragon with a knockback stick like he said he could.

So he made a minecraft server. And they all joined it. (And stuck PenisUnavailable with the bill, suckaaahhh~!)

Predictably, it all went to Hell in a hand basket pretty quick.

See, it's one thing to play with nutters like his friends in a structured set up like Hypixel games, it's quite another to try and keep a semblance of order in an open world survival server like the Penis SMP. The first five minutes had been him trying to explain the rules and teleporting everyone back to spawn over and over as they tried to "escape the cops," ie, him. The next five minutes was Shitty scream-laughing "scatter!" and other John Mulany references down the mic as everyone ran off to start their houses. Penis, as he was still "god" at that moment, used admin commands to find the closest flower field biome to settle into, hoping for some- ha- peace and quiet.

Shitty, inevitably, ended up trying to settle in the fucking Nether. Like a mad lad, you know, as you do when you are apparently obsessed with all things lava. Milfboss ended up making an oak plank box of a "tree house" in a dark oak forest, while Admiral_Anus picked a nearby swamp for his starter base. Outside of that, they just kinda vibed in discord as they tried to fend off the mobs and get enough resources to try and build up houses that were a bit more than cobblestone towers and wood boxes- er, mostly. Milf kinda just fucked off to go mining, found a skeleton spawner by chance, and made a set of iron gear to stand in the dungeon room with to just chill and kill mobs for a while. She ended up with something like 45 levels and burned her only diamond on an enchanting table so she could buff the Hell out of her iron weapons and armor.

Penis, rather typically, he though to himself, put together a basic sheep farm and started work on a cute little cobblestone cave base. He managed to get a whole twenty by twenty block room done and fully furnished before he noticed the chat full of Shitty's death messages and went to go investigate. After nearly dying in lava twice, he managed to find Shitty's pile of items floating on a basalt pillar about a hundred blocks out from his... base?

It was a soccer ball. Shitty's base was a perfect fucking spherical soccer ball made up of quartz blocks and basalt. Just. What. The Fuck??? Then out popped shittyfartbaby69 and it was PenisUnavailable's turn to misjudge a jump and plummet right into lava. Fifteen minutes and much shrieking later about losing his diamond pick, and it turns out that Shitty didn't really care about his lost items, as he really only had four gold picks, a stack of dark oak, two furnaces, a bucket, and thirteen cooked mutton to his name. Not even a bed, the fucker. He just ran back to his portal from spawn every time he just burned to death, taking the chance to gather resources on the way back each time.

And no, he wasn't following a tutorial for his "football" base. Jerk. (Although Penis did have to admire his determination...)

The day ended on Milfboss, Shitty, and Penis reconvening back at spawn to try and hunt down Admiral_Anus, who they found later having built a thirty block tall castle of all things. Out of cobble stone and the windows weren't quite even, but still, it was pretty impressive. And of course, when presented with a castle, what can what do but siege it? So they lay siege to the castle and Milfboss curb-stomped Admiral in pvp and laid claim to the throne, crowning herself queen before summarily throwing the rest of them out. It was a good day.

And the day after was a good day. They played dodge ball crossed with hide and seek in forest around Penis' house with arrows supplied by Milfboss. And the day after that, too, where they had a building competition using nothing but cobble stone, specifically to spite Milfboss, who had kicked all of their asses the day before. In fact, three wonderful weeks passed of doing normal Minecraft shit and being friends passed by, and every bit of it was great fun.

And then came the fucking role play.

PenisUnavailable would have liked to preface that with he only participated under duress, but really, Milfboss had been queen for too long and nobody wanted to risk TNT cannoning any of Shitty's nice builds, so. Well, the castle was better than his drafty cave, alright? It was cold and wet and didn't have a proper door because aesthetic (and because it usually took him several tries to work an iron pressure plate door), so there were far too many mobs wandering in at night and spawn camping him. He and Shitty had almost the same number of deaths and Shitty lived in the fucking Nether.

So yeah. Castle time, baby! Daddy needs a new home! And Admiral obviously wasn't happy living out of Milf's awful tree house hot box where they all did drugs together on day fifteen and it still smelled of burnt wheat seeds, aka "weed." It was only obvious that they teamed up to try and take back the castle.

The battle itself didn't exactly go great, but it wasn't exactly horrible either. A lot of shouting shit at each other for fifteen minutes, the majority of which he wouldn't remember until it was too late- something about server unity?- only to find out that it wasn't two on one girl boss, it was two on a girl boss and her "baked out of his mind" henchman, also known as Shitty in a squirrel furry skin.

The ears man. Those stupid (cute) ears.

And then they were running for their lives because Milf had somehow gotten her hands on a flame bow with infinity enchants.

It all culminated in a dramatic stand-off in front of Shitty's Nether Soccer ball, Milf on one side, diamond axe in hand, not a bit of armor on because of an unfortunate run in with lava, Penis and Admiral on the other, picks in hand, threatening to tear down shittyfartbaby69's base. Shitty wasn't online just then to comment, but they could all hear him click-clacking away on his keyboard so he obviously hadn't gone to sleep just yet like he said he had. At an impasse, and unable to justify letting her teammate's home be used as collateral, Milfboss stood down and gave up her "crown," an enchanted golden Prot IV helmet she had gotten off a skeleton from her spawner.

Then the great betrayal, the beginning of the end. Shitty came back online. 96-Cam joined the game, not that they noticed in the chaos. Admiral-Anus cackled wildly and PMed Milfboss the message that Shitty had sent him, giving Team Gay Sex permission to tear down his base in the name of winning the war if it came down to it- making Milf's sacrifice worthless in the end. Penis gave another dramatic speech, circling around Shitty, who was acting weirdly apologetic to Milf about betraying her and still wearing that fucking squirrel furry skin.

"You see Milf, there's one thing more powerful than a girl boss, and when it comes down to wars between kingdoms, there's something you need to remember!" Penis got out his golden ax, helpfully labeled 'Piss Off'. "And that's a dilf with something to lose!" An enderpearl in his off hand and he teleported behind Milf, catching on fire from the lava but still landing the last hit needed to finish her off. She puffed into a cloud of EXP, swearing up a storm, and then Admiral and Penis turned their gaze to the cheering Shitty.

"AAAAAYYY, LET'S GO DADDY!" the squirrel man screeched, wild laughter shorting out the discord voice chat, making him go quiet in patches when the volume overloaded the client. Behind him, Admiral quietly started building a chair out of birch fence posts and slabs.

"Not so fast, shit-ty-fart-baaaaa-byyyyy~, this isn't quite over yet!" Penis fucking chirped, barely holding back his laughter. "You're still a fucking traitor and we can't have you backstabbing us too. Get in the chair for Daddy, okay baby?"

Admiral finished the chair just in time for Shitty to turn around and see the completed monstrosity, shrieking dying off immediately. "Oh screw you, that's just mean. The Hell man? That's not a chair, that's illegal. If you want an electric chair or some shit, just ask. That's just sad." Mentally shrugging, Admiral lit up his work with a flint and steel while Penis pillared up above where Shitty was building an electric chair out of iron bars and trap doors. Admiral nudged Shitty into the chair, Penis dumped a bucket of lava over the edge of the pillar so it flowed over him, and Shitty started giving a soliloquy about how betrayal and how his love for his "Daddy" still "burned strong".

Like his dick. Apparently.

By the time the lava finally hit the floor and burned Shitty to death, Penis was crying with laughter, shrieking down the mike and banging on the desk hard enough to make him forget that his was still on the mouse, making him mine the block under him with the bucket and sending him hurtling to his fiery death too.

It was a good day... almost.

Because, as it turned out, shittyfartbaby69 was actually a tiktokker of some renown and his cam account had record everything. And he had uploaded the bit to tiktok, as you do, where it went viral, where it wasn't supposed to. And Milfboss, who had recently been uploading covers of herself singing old classic Minecraft songs, had attracted the Minecraft fandom kids to her twitter, where she had gone to post her rage about the events of her dethroning and Shitty's execution.

Penis SMP had gotten on. Fucking. Trending. And now everyone was demanding the full clip, their names, their Twitch streamer handles, their characters' backstories.

The masses wanted lore.

Penis watched in disbelief, head in his hands and mouth agape as sugar crash played over a clip of him killing Milf on loop.

They were making memes.

...Oh god. They were screwed.

#penismp #penis smp #fanfiction #minecraft #my writing #crack #crack treated seriously #also on ao3 #penisunavailable #milfboss #shittyfartbaby69 #admiral_anus

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dontbesoweirdkira · 4 years

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Dating Jason Todd would include

-YOU ARE LITTLE PRECIOUS BUNNY I SWEAR YOU BRING OUT THE SOFTEST PART OF THIS BROKEN MAN

-like this dude will literally let you get away with ANYTHING and no one better stop you

-“Hey Jay I just robbed a bank and took a lollipop from that kid next door.”

-“Aww you’re so cute, Doll. Let me put out this cigarette and I’ll help you count the money, okay?”

-“Jay, Dick said I can’t have anymore ice pops!!! I really want some, it’s not fair!!”

-“ He said what?! hOld On iM gEtTinG mY Gun nO OnE TelLs mY lItTle Babe sHe caNt haVe anY iCe popS.”

-wearing his thick leather jackets that smell like cigarettes and expensive scotch

-Stealing his 1/16263819827 Red hoods and waddling around the house while he’s out on patrol

-“Hey I’m RedHood and I have DaDdY IssUes, prepare to diEee!!! *pew pew*”

-“is that how I sound to you?! Because I don’t *pew pew* I *brrraaatratratatataaa* get it correct Y/N”

-Your tough edgy boyfriend

-If he has an off day, he’ll take you on a ride on his motorcycle to wherever you want to go. If it’d make you happy, he’d drive to Paris for you if he could.

-You guys usually end up drifting by the waterside, taking in the longing smell of the sea, feeling the subtle warmth of the setting sun and melting into the welcoming breeze

-There’s this really good Sandwich stand by the oceanfront and you guys always get a large one, and share it with a nice cold bottle of Coke. There’s also this really nice private beach that you two have no business being on, you guys would sometimes just sit on one of the lifeguards stands for a while and just enjoy each other

-“Hey Jay Jay?”

-“What’s up, Love bug?

-“Your eyes have a hint of Aqua Green in them. It’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. I just wanted you to know that, that’s all.”

-IN HOME CONCERTS EVERY SATURDAY AND OR FRIDAY.

-every week you guys make a list of your favorite classics and you build a Spotify playlist and dance around the house screaming *cough* I-i mean singing on the top of yalls lungs.

-weird adventures around the city! Like you guys sometimes go to weird parts of the city to see some weird crap to laugh about later on.

-“Why is he wearing a tutu and dirty socks-“

-“keep walking baby girl don’t question it.”

-monthly movie nights where you guys watch a movie that has crappy 1 star reviews while eating a bunch of unhealthy garbage all night.

-“but why did he do that?”

-“according to ‘moviecridictbooiiii12’, he’s an uncultured swine who has no Character development, 1/10 trash person totally.”

-If you guys are just sitting in a comfortable silence, just cuddling, he might open up a bit about his childhood or maybe talk a bit about how he’s feeling. But that’s a rare rare occasion he doesn’t like talking much about it.

-This sometimes can cause a bit of a rift because it almost feels as if there’s a lack of trust but you understand he’s been through a whole lot and if it were you, you’d probably be the same way

-he does not like pills in the house but if you have health issues and have to take them, he won't crucify you because of it, but he will monitor you and make sure there is no drug abuse. He wants to make sure history doesn’t repeat itself. He doesn't wanna lose you that way.

-He’s a depressed crackhead

-“Hey Y/N, can you tell me what’s in the drawer in the kitchen. The one next to the sink”

-“Hmm? There’s nothing in here Jason.”

-“Nothing you say? Just like my relationship with Bruce haha.”

-“Are you okay?”

-“No I am not and neither is my sleep schedule.”

-Oh yeah this Poor boy barely sleeps. Mainly because he’s out on patrol all night and when he finally gets home, he’s being called back out. Or sometimes he’s just so restless thinking about everything he needs to do. Other times he’s just scared to sleep.

-Yeah he’s pretty reluctant to go to sleep. He’s scared to have a bad dream and wake up in a vulnerable state. Or to accidentally wake you up from tossing and turning and wails of agony.

-You lost a lot of hours of sleep already do to comforting him at night so as much as he can function without a nights rest, he’ll do it to spare you

-You hate when he does this because you actually don’t mind comforting him, it makes you feel like he trusts and can rely on you.

-nightmares about the joker or the pit. Cryinggg this boy is really traumatized

-“Shhh, Jason it’ll be alright. I’m right here love.”

-Even though he avoids sleep at all costs, this doesn’t stop him from napping on the recliner or at the kitchen table from time to time.

-He’s a bit self destructive with drinking, smoking, betting himself up, not sleeping or eating properly. You really have to help him and work with him. Be patient and kind pLz.

-He doesn’t like exposing you to the stuff he does, he doesn’t like you seeing all the gore or what not so he doesn’t try to come home bloody much actually. He might stop at dicks house or some other friend’s house to clean up a bit before coming to you

-Todd doesn’t like you to see and be around all that. He wants to keep that life very very separate, he even tries to keep the news off and away from you. Although you already know and if it bothers you it not, it’s not much you can do to stop him.

-The only time you might see him bloody or hurt is when he can’t make it to a friends house and he needs you to patch him up and put him to bed quickly.

-argurmentssss

-Yeah you guys do little annoying antics back and forth but it’s not something super crucial. The only time where it heats up is like if something he’s doing really really bothers you, like his killings or if he does something super reckless. The arguments usually end up with

- “I’m sorry Doll, I’ll do better for you.”

- “Sorry JayBird, I wasn’t being fair”

-The worst an argument had ever gotten was when he didn’t come home for weeks without telling you he was out on a mission and you were scared out of your mind and ended up cursing him out for scaring you.

-You didn’t talk to him for about a week and he was a wreck

-“JASON DONT YOU DARE TRY TO KISS ME OR HUG ME I THOUGHT YOU WERE F*CKING DEAD OR WORSE! YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME SOMETHING LIKE I LITERALLY HATE YOU RIGHT NOW I COULDN'T SLEEP FOR WEEEKS JASON I WAS WORRIED SICK-“

-“Hey, it’s okay Y/n- I’m here no-“

-“NO IT'S NOT LITERAL I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE, GET AWAY FROM ME.”

-He cannot stand when he breaks your heart or makes you upset like he beats himself up a whole lot. He will apologize to you and do anything to make it up.

-“Stupid Todd? How can you upset the one person that seems to be so patient and loving to you? Ugh you idiot.”

-yeah he literally kissed up to you for months he felt so bad even after you apologized for overreacting and told him he didn’t need to do anything

-Yeah speaking of kissing up to you, he Buys you anything you want just ask. Looking at that super nice outfit in the mall? Check your room, it’s on your bed with a cute little note. Want an ice cream sundae? Yeah he got extra fudge/caramel for his princess.

-He just loves you like so so much he doesn’t care what you look like, how big or how skinny, how light or how dark you are. He literally adores you and wants to protect you with all his heart. He’d buy the whole world for you.

-“Jason, literal listen to me. 600 dollars for a charm bracelet I liked in the mall is too much, go return it”

-he’s a bit overprotective with you. Not in a “HEKDJEHEHEHINEEDTOKNOWWHEREYOUAREATALLTIMESSENPAI.” Kind of way but in a like “Check in every once in a while will ya babe? I wanna make sure you’re okay.”

-He doesn’t let you go outside after a certain time for ANYTHING unless it’s an emergency. It’s too dangerous in Gotham for you to be out scrolling going to a convenience store at 10pm at night. So if you need something from the store he’ll go get it for you or already have it in the house.

-Will 100 throw hands for you

-actually makes sure you can defend yourself and trains you a bit every month to make sure if trouble comes and he’s not there, you can protect yourself

-Intimacy

-Honhonhon. Although what many believe Jason has a high sex drive and wants it a lot or what not. I don’t think it’s 100% true

-I believe that like if his partner wasn’t the type of person who wanted it, or didn’t feel comfortable with it, he’d be okay with it. Like he doesn’t need it to survive although you look hecking good in that outfit today

-I feel like he’d be more kissy and rough touching than the full 100 yards with a more soft/standoffish sexually significant other.

-Yeah if he gets from a stressful mission or just needs to feel you, he’s gonna wanna kiss and touch on you but if you’re not into all that then like he’d back off because he respects you enough

-neck kisses and thigh kisses

-“jaybirdy I wanted to wear that new skirt I got yesterday, now I got your bites all over my legs.”

-he's a totally Dom and that’s on that period boo

-dAdDy KiNk I’m sorry

-His voice somehow becomes super raspy when he’s aroused?!?!

-He will tease you to a point you moan out his name and then turn around and act innocent

-“let’s watch Frozen! What’s with that face dear? You didn’t think I’d let you have it that easily now did you?”

-*wears anything short*

-”WOOOOO DAMMNNNN Y/NNNNNN LOOKING FOINE TODAY I SEE YOU! CAN I GET YOUR NUMBER?!?! YOU GOT A BOYFRIEND BECAUSE I KNOW HE'S DAMN LUCKYYY!”

-Highkey finds it so hot when you sit on his lap like damn it feels so nice to him like you know you’re his and that’s like arousing to him. Will play with the hem of your skirt if your wearing them and your thighs aren’t safe

(Anyways I ain’t trynna make this NSFW but I might do a little something for my 200 follower special)

-On a softer purer note, you guys are like the roasters of the fam, okay! Like no one is safe, especially Damian.

-“Tch- Todd and his little pet.”

-“Dami, didn’t know you’d be here, and apparently your hairline didn’t know either.”

-*Jason, Tim and Dick were dying*

-“Hey you little accident, why you standing like that, you look like you’re bout to enlist in the army.”

-“shut up Todd, at least I have good posture unlike you.”

-“Hey leave Damian alone, Jason. Dami just has a pole in his ass that makes him stand in first position all the time. It’s a serious condition, y’all need to stop laughing.”

-“Hey Selina! Your Sugar Daddy is in the kitchen, try not to steal anything though because he might cut down your weekly allowance.”

-“Haha Y/N and yours is in the living room getting drunk, careful he might end up with me tonight.”

-“Hmm, a gold digger and a cougar? Wow you got your careers set don’t ya! Ooops you should check in the mirror tho! I think your Botox is drooping.”

-yAlL CAnT sTop ROaStinG PeOpLe anD it’S wOrse When yaLls DruNk

-You’re actually pretty close to The BatFam and like Bruce Adores you he thinks you’re a wonderful influence on Jason like you changed him a lot. Dick sees you as a baby sister and like he literally baby’s you so much it’s sad. Tim and you like to joke around a bit and talk you guys get along decently. Although Damian would NEVER admit it, he actually is kinda fond of you even though you guys insult each other. He might stab someone for like hurting you or something. But watch your back because he might stab you as well.

-going to Bruce’s Galas and charity events like by force.

-“yYyyYYyyY/NnnNnNnNiEeeeEEee PLEaSE COmeEeeee sO iWOnT DrInk MySelF ouT oF tHeRe!!!”

-“Jason let go of my leg.”

-You don’t actually mind it too much, you’ve made some nice connections and plus it’s a little date night with Jason so Win Win!!

-He actually wears a nice Tux and styles his hair real nicely. Might even be wearing that nice watch Bruce gave him a long time ago on his birthday.

-*sniff sniff* is that Cologne? *sniiiiiiffffffff* *HIGHLY* Expensive cologne he’s wearing?! And *pat pat* HAIR GEL OH BOIIII

-He actually picks out a dress for you to wear. One he’s been dying to see you in. The super expensive one he found while shopping with Dick and Bruce one day.

-If some rich guy try’s flirting with you, it’s over for them. Jealous Todd Mode activated!

-“Doll Face, I found you. Love wandering off don’t you babe? When we get home, I’ll make sure you won’t want to wander off again,” He kisses into your ear hungrily “wHo’s tHiS, Y/N? Is he bothEriNg yOu?” He asks like he didn’t see him there

-“No but Jason you are.“

-“:o”

*later*

-“I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I DID WRONG Y/N!! HE WAS FLIRTING WITH YOU AND I HAD TO INSERT MY DOMINANCE.��

-“JAY HE WAS A BUSINESSMAN LOOKING TO INDORSE ME AND MY WORK! YOU JUST EMBARRASSED ME AND MADE HIM FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE!! LITERALLY NOW HE THINKS I HAVE AN OVER POSSESSIVE BOYFRIEND.”

-“oh-“

“YEAH ‘oH’! serIouslY I CanT stAnd yoU.”

-Jason’s drinking and smoking. Let’s just say you’re not the biggest fan of it because of his health, you’re so worried about it. He’s already taking shots and stabs but like the drinking and smoking on top of that? You’re worried about him

-You always voice your concern and he’s never too phased and he’s always like

-“Don’t worry L/N, I’ll be okay. If this kills me, don’t let Dick take my meat stash in the freezer. Tell him I’m coming back to life in like 3 months give or take and I’ll be hungry for steak.”

-Actual best boyfriend! Like if you’re insecure about anything he’ll make you feel so much better, in every way possible. He makes it so know how much he loves you it’s so sweet and super cute like I’m crying.

-makes weird faces at you randomly and it somehow gets you to laugh?!?!

-cooks breakfast or dinner for you every once in a while but messes up a few times

-“sorry y/n I accidentally burnt the cookies I was trying to make for you. I-I can go run and ask Alfred to make some? I know how long you’ve been waiting to have some.”

- Did I mention he’s best boi? Like ugggghhhh he’s so blind to all that superficial mess people get caught up in. You talk down about yourself and he’ll like attack you in love I swear he will. He doesn’t like the self deprecation you do. He completely detests it.

-“Say you’re ugly one more time I’ll slap you with this heart of mine. Don’t make me do it Y/N. I’ll give you so much love, the only thing you’ll be able to say is “Omg I love myself so much like damn I’m so sexy and so fine and my personality? Perfect! thanks to my totally handsome boyfriend, I see myself so clearly now.”

-You guys Also like spend his birthday with just each other. But it’s really special to him and he always looks forward to the small marble cake you make, that has strawberries on top. He loves when you sit on his lap with your face in the crook of his neck, whispering into his skin ever so gently telling him to ‘make a wish old man’

-something about the birthdays you spend with him, brings him back to a happy place he once felt as a child. Or wanted to feel. He always wishing for the same thing…..to always see you happy

-“Jay I love you.”

-“I love you too Y/N. Remember that okay?”

(Request open)

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #350

“let’s play a love game, play a love game / do you want love, or you want fame? / are you in the game?”

Who was your first good kiss with? Jason. Would you kiss this person again? I know I fucking would and I hate it more than I could possibly express. Name something that is on your bedroom wall? Lots of artwork, mostly of meerkats. What accessory do you want in your bedroom? I need another desk to put stuff on. If you could paint your walls any color what would it be? Something pastel. Maybe like, peach. Soft and warm and would really bring light to the room. What does your phone case look like? It's just this boring purple one that came with the phone. What do you take the most pictures of? My camera roll says my pets, hahaha. What is the point of Twitter for you? Liking Mark's shit lmao. What does your planner look like? I don’t have one. If you get into an argument what is it usually about? My anxiety, I think. What are you always in the mood for? Ummm probably a car ride where I can control the music in the passenger seat. It is very, very rare I'll turn that opportunity down. What’s the last emergency you dealt with? I don't really know; I'm thankfully not in these situations very much, especially when you're cooped up at home. I probably haven't been actually engaged in an emergency since I had to call 911 for my mom before she found out about her cancer. She was basically immobile from agony in her abdomen. Do you have a son? I'm perfectly happy without a son, or kids period. Are you married? No. Have you ever worn a suit? I haven't. Have you ever had to call 911? Twice for Mom. How many keys are on your key-ring? Just one for the house. What’s the last thing you created? An RP post would count as art creation, I'd say. Who are your closest friends? Sara, Girt, and uh... Well, they might be it as far as friends I consider truly close to me. I have a few other people I consider good friends, but we're just not like... on that "close" level, you know? Lisa is maybe another, and Lyndsey perhaps, both WoW friends. Are you ready to have a family? I hate that "have a family" tends to mean get married and have kids, which I'm guessing is what you're implying. If that's the case, no, given I don't want kids and am not fit to get married right now. I'm not even with anyone. I'm content right now with just living with my mom and my two pets, who are children well enough to me. Have you ever taken a DNA test? No. Do you have a family cemetery? No. Would you say you have a high sex drive or not so much? *shrugs* I think it's pretty normal. How do you feel about swallowing pills? What do you mean how do I "feel" about it? I just do it if I need to. What animal is the scariest in your opinion? Some kind of bug, probably. Giant centipedes creep me the fuck out, for one, and I've heard their bite is incredibly painful. I've also always been very afraid of Australia's funnel web spiders since watching some show on Animal Planet when I was younger; I think it scarred me for life, aha. And let's not forget the murder hornets. No thnx, rather die. :') Have you ever questioned your sanity? Way more than once, my friend. How do you feel about people wearing fur coats? Are you for or against it? I am VIOLENTLY against it unless it is for survival in extreme climates and you don't have access to other material. That aside, there is NO way you could possibly convince me that it's okay to wear the fur of something once living on yourself for ~fashion~. What’s the worst thing a friend has either done or said to you? Let's not go here. What’s fake about you? Like extensions, fake nails, botox etc. Nothing. If you got the chance, would you audition for a reality show? No. Have you ever gotten into a Facebook fight? Haha, yeah. Favorite flavor of jelly bean? Probably watermelon or strawberry. I'm not a massive jellybean fan. Do you use Tinder? If yes, have you ever met up with someone you matched? I've never tried it, no. What book/movie has made you cry the hardest? Either The Notebook or Titanic. Something you feared as a kid but don’t anymore? Thunderstorms. What’s your skincare routine? I don't really have one. Just wash it with water in the shower and then use a washcloth when I feel the need. Would you rather have a snake or a tarantula as a pet? I want both, but I prefer snakes. What is something you are NOT looking forward to? I both am and am not looking forward to my second Covid vaccine because it's notoriously worse than the first; the only bright side to it is that after the potential side effects blow over, I'm job hunting. What do you usually do right when you wake up? Check the time on my phone. Would you rather eat your pizza cold or hot? Hot, but I like both. Who taught you how to swim? Dad, I think? Can you do push-ups? No. Do you like Doritos? Yesssss. Who is the closest friend that you live by? I don't know. Have you ever banged your head against something? I've had two concussions before, so, y'know. Have you ever jumped on a trampoline? Yeah, I loved that as a kid. Do you like watching scary movies? Yeah. Has anyone ever told you that you have a big butt? No, considering I have like no ass, rip. Has one of your friends ever tried to "hook you up?" Ugh, yes. Do you prefer landmarks or street names when being given directions? Landmarks, by a mile. Although, I'm super bad with directions, so it probably wouldn't really matter much. Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books? Yeah, you got to. Does your house have more than one fireplace? No. What was your favourite gym class moment? The one and only thing I liked about gym as a kid was when you took one of those rainbow tarps and made like, an air bubble underneath to make this awesome dome everyone sat in. Ya missed out if you didn't do that. Do you think that ocean boardwalks are fun? Yeah. Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks? Not at all; I was always flattered, knowing they cared enough to want mine. Apple Jacks: yay or nay? I looove those. Do you have a favorite Scooby-Doo movie? Haha yeah, I think it's the second one? Such iconic scenes. It's the one with the Mary Jane girl that Shaggy liked... oh, jokes that went over your head as a kid. Who were your last 3 Facebook messages from and what do they say? I'm too lazy to list the convos themselves, but the people involved are my friends Chelsea and Ian, as well as a friend's mother. Do you turn your phone off at night when you go to sleep? No. It's always on vibrate, and I just turn the brightness way down. What is the sexual orientation of the last person you talked to? She's straight. What’s your favourite hairstyle on the opposite sex? Don't you fucking dare laugh, emo hair is A++. Has anyone ever played a prank on you? What happened? Not a big one, no. Do you like the Silent Hill movies? Do I?! I love the first one (though for a while I wasn't very happy they swapped the lead role from Harry to his wife), and while the second is literal trash story-wise and it's ALL over the damn place, I still enjoy it with just how much I adore SH as a whole. What movie scared you the most out of any other movies? The Rite, because the concept of being raped and impregnated by a demon is fucking horrifying to me. Have you ever wanted to be on American Idol? When was this? Nah. Name 5 things you don’t believe in. 1.) "Everything happens for a reason;" 2.) karma; 3.) destiny/fate; 4.) psychics, fortune tellers, all that; and 5.) luck, at least in the sense of someone having set "good" or "bad" luck. If you could have any friend that you’ve lost back, who would you pick? Probably Megan. If you have pets, who normally puts food and water in their dish? Me for both of them. Do you organize the pictures on your computer into different folders or are they all just under “My Pictures”? I have folders. Do you think if someone is in a relationship, that it is acceptable to have sleepovers with other people of their preferred sex? Eh, nah, that feels a bit far to me. I am very firmly for friends still being able to hang out even if they're each other's preferred gender, but a sleepover sounds a bit too intimate, even without sharing a bed. Would you shoot a gun if given the chance? If you’ve shot a gun before, how many different types of guns have you shot? No. I'm very intimidated by guns and nearly shook when I merely handed a friend his (not for anything bad, he just carried it with him when he goes out), and I've got noooo plans of holding one again unless my life depends on it. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing things like artwork or poetry you’ve written? Is it because you don’t think it’s good enough to show off or because it’s too personal? You. Have. Zero. Idea. It's for both reasons, and it's far more severe in person. Online, I actually don't mind much, oddly enough... I can't quite pin down why. Do you have any siblings you absolutely despise? Why do you despise them? No. Do knives scare you? Is it from watching scary movies? Knives scare me like five times more than guns. Scary movies have nothing to do with it, though. They're just so sharp and the idea of being stabbed by one is terrifying. As someone with a history of self-mutilation too (not with knives, but I've thought about it and once planned to slit my throat with one, but Mom stopped me), they just make me incredibly uncomfortable to the point I can barely hold a "real" knife to just slice food. Have you ever climbed a chain-link fence? Many times. What is your LEAST favorite Disney animated movie? That I've seen, uhhhhh... I don't know man, there are way too many Disney movies lmao. Who was the last person’s house you went to besides your own? My sister's. On YouTube, who are two people you find hilarious? I'm just counting GameGrumps as one, and then you can't forget Shane Dawson, regardless of the controversy. He probably made me laugh more than any other YouTuber. Do you shave your pits? Yeah. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? I don't think so. Besides the USA, what is your favorite country? I'm not nearly informed enough about foreign countries' politics and laws and mannerisms to have a favorite. Would you rather go to Europe or Asia? Europe. Would you rather go to Africa or Australia? Africa. Would you rather go to Mexico or Canada? Canada. Do you think emo/scene hair is attractive? I love emo and scene hair, don't @ me, it's cute as fuck. Have you ever seen a ghost orb picture? Lots, actually, at one of my old houses that I totally know was haunted. Do you think abortion should be illegal? NO. You would NOT end abortions. You would end SAFE abortions. Do any of your pets have strange habits? Explain? Venus, my ball python, is extremely odd with food to the point I sometimes worry about her, but she's always been this way and is healthy, so I guess it's nothing really worth fretting over. Anyway, when I place her rat in her terrarium, she gets excited first and will pretty much frantically examine her surroundings, like slithering around everywhere, and even when she has clearly found the rat (she'll even prod it with her snout), she usually won't immediately eat. She just like... sits there and has to continue to verify for ten minutes that it's food. I know it's thawed perfectly, btw. So anyway, THAT'S weird... As for Roman, dear god, that cat's just weird, lmao. Especially in the morning, he's very hyper and will bolt around the house sometimes, he "plays" with nothing all the time, he "meerkat"s at nothing that I can nothing, etc. etc. etc. He's a weirdo lol. Have you ever told an extremely inappropriate joke? Oh god, I said something really inapprops once when my friend Chelsea startled me. I won't be repeating it lmao. Who in life have you felt the strongest need to protect? Sara, I think. Who have you most feared in your life? My dad. He doesn't scare me anymore, but he did. What was the quickest friendship you ever made? Oh idk. What is the worst word anyone ever used to describe you? "Martyr." And not the kind that dies for their beliefs. It hurt me so badly to know someone thought of me that way, and I'll probably never let it go. If you have any pets, were they adopted from the humane society? No. Roman is one of the billion kittens born to the cats my sister's in-laws have, and Venus is from a ball python breeding business in Florida called The Gourmet Rodent (they sell f/t rodents too, obvs) Do you like home design, like picking out paint colors and furniture? Not really. My grandmother though, whew, that was her calling for sure. Have you seen any of the old James Bond movies? Nope. List all of your features that you have ever gotten compliments on: My hair, my eyes, my tattoos, my hands, I think my nose, my dimples, my smile, and my boobs lmao. Have you ever been in a hot air balloon? And if not, would you ever want to go in one? I haven't. I think it'd be kinda cool, but they seem too easy to fall out of, and I'm afraid of heights. I'd probably go in one if given the opportunity. Do you have any stains on your shirt currently? No, but there are two small rips. It's just an old tank top. Do you listen to local bands? No. Not that I'm opposed, I just don't know of any I really enjoy. Do you watch YouTube videos often? Many, many daily. Do your parents fight? Do they even talk at all? They're divorced; they used to fight a lot when they were together. Now they only talk if they have reason to. Have you ever watched a movie that's in a complete different language, so you had to read sub-titles? No. Do people with yellow teeth disgust you? Dude, fuck off, no. My teeth are kinda yellow, and I'm extremely self-conscious about it, so seriously fuck this question. You never know for sure why someone's teeth may seem yellowish. Do you drink alcohol on New Year’s Eve? Usually a drink or two. Do you wear rings? I always have two on, yeah. Are you hungry right now? No, I literally just ate a breakfast bowl. Have you ever tried smoking a cigarette? No; I haven't the slightest interest in doing so.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''lovegame'' by lady gaga

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shadowofthelamp · 3 years

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Year in Review: Writing

So, I can’t do the ‘year in review’ for art because... yeah, I didn’t really draw that much this year. So I decided to trawl through my writing tag for one favorite piece per month, and a pulled few paragraphs from each! Basically everything here is Zim except for the one tendershipping week thing, lmao, oops.

Some months had slim pickings but I still do like every one of these and it was a nice reflection.

January: Arrival

Her skin was tinted a sickly green, more like decomposing flesh than irken or human. Dib swallowed, but her breathing seemed to be even when he placed a hand to her kind of chubby chest, so that was probably just how their skin colors mixed, right? Besides, the lighting in the lab was always weird. Her mouth was gummy with no teeth yet, but her vocal cords were functioning perfectly. He was going to need hearing aids by his twenties, between her and Zim.

She had four fingers and three toes, which he kind of expected, as well as a nose but no ears. That made sense, if she had antennae, but it was still strange to run his fingers along the sides of her head and just feel smooth skin.

Her eyes… they were Zim’s through and through, deep ruby with the color filling the sclera. Did irkens even have sclera if they only had one color? Under the lab’s lights and mixed with the way everything on her slightly shimmered from the sticky goo she'd been coated in, she was like a section of space stolen into the little room and it took his breath away. The water blurring his vision didn’t help as he wiped it away with his sleeve, shifting her to one arm. She was so small...

__________

February: WLOD Dib meets Twix, alt version

It’s fascinating, to see what could have gone right. The 1001 here had gangly, underdeveloped limbs, and wispy hair that never quite got clean from the showers. This version wasn’t fat or anything, but definitely had more meat on its bones.

He examined the goggles- peering through them, they altered its vision because they made the lab beyond the ‘glass’ blurry. Curious, very curious. He was about to pop the lens out when it began to stir, tugging at the metal restraints with a clatter.

_________

March: Zibvoid

He talked to himself.

He talked to Zim, who hadn’t said a word since he’d died, but maybe he was just giving him the silent treatment.

Round and round, the generator buzzed like a bee and a hospital and a bug zapper that would draw in prey like flies to a web, except he was the spider now and the Zims were the moths.

Dib. Dib Dib Dib Dib Zim Dibdibdibdibzimdibdibzimdib. The names popped off his tongue as he rolled them both in his mouth, over and over until they didn’t seem like names at all anymore.

__________

April: Sturdy Branches (I know the date’s different on ao3 but it was first posted April)

Her dad is either singing or talking to himself as he vacuumed inside the house with a sway in his hips. At least you’re pretty sure it’s her dad? You haven’t seen a picture of him or anything, but he’s about the same age as your dad, so he’s too old to be a brother and too young to be a grandpa, and she hasn’t mentioned any uncles. A babysitter, maybe, but that doesn’t really make sense since Tulip isn’t home yet- ah!

She’s talking to someone as she turns the corner, bouncing her backpack. It’s lilac and circular, as well as covered in buttons. The Ranger helmet is in her backpack or still in her locker, but either way, she’s not wearing it anymore. She’s got the boots on, though. You adjust the binoculars a bit, but you aren’t good enough at lip-reading yet to tell what she’s saying. Whatever it is, it’s making the girl she’s talking to laugh. Maybe she’ll tell you tomorrow in class or at lunch if you pull her to sit at your table again. She has more friends at the middle table, but they don’t like sitting next to you after the beetle incident, and she doesn’t seem to mind. She always has a big smile when you start talking, and she’d say something if she didn’t like you, right? Pretty much everybody else does.

_________

May: Do Something For You (TD spoilers!)

Dib had never really thought ahead to having a family, but she was pretty much everything she’d want in one. She was an assistant and a partner, she was invested in the paranormal, she hated Zim- but on the other hand, she didn’t want him hurt? She seemed weirdly invested in making sure he didn’t get caught, actually. Eh, she’d hit him pretty hard, so it wasn’t like she was opposed to him getting his rightful dues for being an evil space monster.

It was relatively simple- she was just worried if he died then her timeline would be destabilized, which was a decent enough concern. Zim had to be important to his life for years to come, in one way or another. But whatever they were dealing with in the future, it had to be better with Zim out of the way earlier, right?

__________

June: Unnamed capture au drabble

“Why do you even give me these stupid scripts if you don’t like me doing them?” Dib folded his arms, kneading the ball in his palm. “Just get a robot or something.” He snorted. “I mean, it’d probably break, like half the stuff you touch.”

Zim’s hands curled into fists. “Take that back, you- you- worm!”

Dib quirked an eyebrow. “What, touched a nerve? When I was a kid, half the stuff you made broke, it’s just a fact. You only conquered Earth because this place is a trash heap and your garbage is slightly better than ours.” Over a year in Zim’s presence without too many galling injuries and a lifetime of not being able to keep his mouth shut made him bold. “Honestly, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re probably broken yoursel-” He was cut off with a Pak leg aimed directly at his throat, prodding in just deep enough to draw a drop of blood down the alien metal.

Zim’s eyes were narrowed, but something was watering on the edges, and Dib swallowed, adam’s apple bobbing just below the leg’s tip.

“Zim. Is. Not. Broken.”

___________

July: Laughter

Ryou couldn't stand the lights on one minute and then hated having them off the next. The shadows bled from the way the light reflected off the couch, how it seemed to devour the wall behind it, and he swore he could still hear the voice in his mind. (Was that himself? Had he started thinking of himself as a separate voice? It had been ages since he'd really been alone, even though anyone outside him would have wondered about the boy who talked to his reflection like it was an old friend.)

He wished he could talk to Ryou. Ryou who had seemed so pliable as a child but had proved entertaining, a match for the fire, (heh, fire, even though it wasn't that funny, in fact, it wasn't funny at all, but what did he have but jokes? it wasn't like he could cry anymore) who carved out rules for use of the body with gritted teeth and tugged at the rope of the Ring so hard it had chafed his neck. He'd respected him. From a soft child, he'd hardened and grown firm, grown powerful, grown to be worthy. What were the odds fate had given him a chance at the same time someone had handed a young Yugi the box with the Puzzle? A roll of the dice. (The Gods having a last laugh, perhaps..)

Ryou dug his nails into the wood of the desk so hard that it made crescents, tiny moons in the umber that dug splinters into his pale fingers. The little model of the Thief King sat, as he always did, half-hidden on his shelf behind the pieces of Zorc. He'd never bothered to glue the monster back together but felt oddly reluctant to just incinerate the figures and be done with them. Both of them. Either of them. Maybe he just didn't want to pretend it had never happened. (Maybe he was worried he'd forget, thoughts and memories swept away by the sands of time, trickling down the hourglass, minute by minute, day by day, as he aged the way the Spirit had never been allowed to.)

___________

August: New Mission

It had been a month.

Nebula Twix had survived. She’d had to be popped into the healing pod when she had an allergic reaction to the oatmeal Dib had tried to feed her when it had inflamed her spooch, and Gir had tried to eat her head the one second Zim’s back had been turned, and she made goo from both ends a lot, but otherwise, she was perfectly fine!

And with that, Zim had come to a crossroads. It seemed that he was, indeed, in this for the long heel. (He was pretty sure that was the phrase. Humans liked large feet and large boots, so it made sense.) He could either continue to keep her a secret, or he could pass on his success to the Tallests.

Creating slaves out of the species marked for invasion was pretty common- something like 85% of invaders did it. But creating hybrids? That number was much lower. (Besides, they were usually disposed of as soon as the invasion was complete.) And irkens having those hybrids from their own bodies, and not just mixing them out of genetic slurry and quickly aging them up in time-fields? Almost completely unheard of. Zim was the pioneer in that area.

Also, having smeets from one’s body may have been a tad illegal, considering how hard it had been to find good information and judging from the fact that all irkens found to do it were brought in for experimentation. But no matter! Zim was nothing if not very, very good at things few other irkens dared to do, ready to drive the Empire forward by any means possible. They would have to appreciate that!

__________

September: Twix finds out she’s pregnant

Secondary life-form detected, the chamber chimed.

“Oh, gross, I’ve got a tapeworm? Well, flush it out.” Twix rolled her eyes, going back to the computer.

Lifeform has elements of Pak user.

Her finger froze on the ‘b’ key. “It… what? Analyze species origin.”

The chamber hummed around Twix as sweat dripped down the skin of her neck. There was a tiny 'ding!’ like a kitchen timer.

Lifeform is too underdeveloped to make more than approximations, but is roughly 25% irken and 75% Dominant Earth Species.

Her scream rattled the walls.

__________

October: Best-Laid Plans

“Of course, Number One.” Two turned his head slightly, and Dib jolted- he hadn’t directly commanded him to do that. “Your plan is perfect.” He blinked slowly- much slower than most Zims. Most Zims were utterly manic, back and forth and back and forth, loud and brutal and dangerous, but Two- Two had always worshiped him. Maybe even more than the rest. It had been nice, to be admired so heavily. Two had adored the personal attention when he was turned into an errand boy.

Dib might miss him.

He shook that thought out of his head, gripping both sides of Two’s face with his index finger and thumb, nails (not claws, they weren’t claws) digging into the cheeks.

“You belong to me.” Two didn’t respond, and Dib dug in a little further. Irken skin was thicker than a human’s, with a single drop of pink blood oozing over Dib’s fingernail and leaving a barely-perceptible damp trail. “Respond. Who do you belong to?”

“I belong to you, Number One.”

___________

November: Desperation (warning if you click through for impalement)

Dib’s lips were on Zim’s before he even knew what he was doing. “You’re not dying on me, you little bastard,” he hissed, fumbling to hold up the body as Zim nearly coughed blood directly into Dib’s mouth. It was salty and sweet all in one, but Dib couldn’t linger on the taste. Zim’s fingers grasped at his shirt, and Dib took that as a sign that it was working, pressing their lips together hard enough to bruise the capillaries.

There was a click. Dib breathed in blood and out carbon dioxide, sputtering and swallowing it down so Zim wouldn’t die like this-

Something red-hot and metallic climbed over his arm before digging into his spine, and he realized that the body had gone entirely limp before there was electricity and then there was nothing.

____________

December: Freak

Twix grit her teeth. “How am I supposed to trust you if you’ll just- just do that?”

“How am I supposed to drop my whole social life because you can’t help being the weirdest person in school?” Tulip shot back. “I do care about you, but it’s so, so hard sometimes, because you just don’t know how to act, and sometimes I’m sick of waiting for you to play catchup just because your parents are the town freaks!” She slapped her hands over her mouth and took a step back.

Twix’s eye twitched under her goggles. “At least they’re freaks that love me. I’ll see you tomorrow, third period.”

“Twix-”

“I said,” Twix said through gritted teeth, “I’ll see you tomorrow. Get out before I reactivate the security.”

Tulip got out, and Twix buried her face in a couch pillow and screamed.

#shadow says stuff

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lost-in-interwebs · 3 years

Note

47, 48, 49!

these are not all my nv ocs. there are some that require a lot more research and game playing before I put anything down officially. I may come back and edit this but probably not because im too stupid. HERE WE GO.

Vices

Karmin (The Self Insert)

Rum and Nuka some nights

Taking everything that isn't nailed down

........weed....... (in her story, someone finds the weed in the EPA building and finds a way to produce it again. I know its corny ignore it)

over eating. she suffers from disordered eating so she has the tendency to stuff herself silly.

Mentats for Adhd baby (not a vice but it reminded me of it)

Bunny Bishop

Loves good Wine.... maybe a little too much

Will drink a scotch to think of her dad

cigarettes

she steals clothes and jewelry and loose caps when she can. she used to be quite rich but being disowned by her father has made her desperate.

coffee with lots of sugar and cream

Med-X.

Absinthe

Shiloh Wright

No vices. They were brought up in a highly religious home due to their grandmother and with a controlling, alcoholic grandfather.

Their sister Ethel is the same.

Monika

Wine but not often

Cooking

Karmin

Loves to cook, is always happy to cook. Hates doing dishes. Hates it. Loathes it. But still makes large meals for her and her traveling companions. She's an okay cook. Fattens the food up some. she's always experimenting with improving meals to make them more satisfying rather than just eating to survive. She loves most meats, noodles, beans, salads, trail mix and radscorpion casseroles. No bug meat or eggs. She'll do what she can, but she does not like it. Especially bloatfly.

Bunny Bishop

Mostly knows how to make noodles or stews, but thats it. Is not competent in the kitchen, was never taught, had a nanny or one of her father's men take care of it. Lot of restaurants food as well. Loves sweets and red meats. Very refined palate for a Wasteland girl.

Will eat everything and anything. Raw, burnt, spoiled. Copious amounts of food. Trash. Some times cloth or paper. She learns to enjoy meals as she finally makes friends.

Shiloh Wright

Is competent with meals, having to teach themselves later in life when they moved out on their own as a young adult. Much more on the healthy side, but has a sweet tooth.

Monika

Monika comes from one of the richest families in the NCR. Her meals were made for her. She spent lunches at local restaurants in the capital formerly known as Shady Sands, Vault City, and New Reno with giggling friends. Money to spare. New Vegas was supposed to be a humbling experience of learning to work and rely on yourself. Her first meals are shoddy, but learns well over time.

Who did they kill?

Karmin

Caesar and Vulpes (at camp after doing as much work as she could while maintaining rep with everyone to get as much done as possible)

Benny (mercy kill after sex. I felt bad that about all the other options and didn't know he could be let go to run free. so I let him nut and die. in another life he becomes a companion)

Hasn't met Kimball yet, too soon to determine his fate.

Mr. House will be killed very soon

Negotiated peace with NCR and Brotherhood.

Bunny Bishop

Probably kills Caesar and Vulpes after upgrading the securities.

Sets Benny free, asks him to be her lover. He refuses, knows she's connected to Mr. House. Doesn't want to sit back and see Vegas go that way.

I haven't played enough of the route to know what House commands to do with Kimball.

Yes Man is found and kept like a pet who is constantly getting lost and taken due to his programming.

Is really going to be a follower for a courier. 9f she was she would go an independent route.

Shiloh Wright

Shiloh is also more of a character the courier meets rather than is the courier, but definitely would advocate for an independent Mojave.

Monika

Kills Benny right in the middle of the Tops

Vulpes would have been killed right after he dropped off the Mark of Caesar to her. While his back was turned. Kills two men in one day.

Yes Man is kept

Kills Mr. House

Is absolutely my NCR route but I've never played it yet so I'm not sure how her story will go.

#oc asks #karmin #13 #monika #bunny #shiloh

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ephemeral-afterlight · 5 years

Text

Day 8: Stab Wound

(But hold on a little while longer.)

Whumptober 2019 Day 8: Stab Wound

Word Count: 2054

Relationships: familial Creativitwins, platonic/familial dlamptr

Warnings: Stab wound (obviously), other minor injuries, blood, minor dissociation, lots and lots of cursing

A/N: yes, i know this is late! it’s only by 30 minutes though D: hopefully my characterization of the trash man is alright! this was fun to write hehe

Well. That wasn’t a very fun camping trip!

Remus has always been one for surprise. He likes the excitement, the variety, the fun! It’s healthy to keep a little bit of spice in your life. He’s not afraid to live by this sort of motto, because life is about the little things. Although, he isn’t sure that getting stabbed in the middle of the woods at three a.m. necessarily counts as little, but he’ll take what he can get.

So sue him! Maybe he likes to have a little fun sometimes. Routine is boring! Fuck patterns! Fuck authority! Cause anarchy!

And, uh, yeah. He’s pretty chill with living on the edge like that. But maybe… maybe just a bit further from the edge? He means, like, the edge of harmful societal expectations and complacency, or whatever dumb shit Dee and Lo-Lo rant about to each other at one in the morning. Remus loves his roommates, and would totally rip out a bitch’s spine for them, but they’re fucking nerds. Speak ENGLISH.

Yeah, the edge of “normal”. Not the edge of death.

He’s not gonna die out here, no siree. If he believes he’s immortal strongly enough, he will be. That’s what Barbie movies teach you, right? In any case, even though he refuses to die, getting stabbed hurts like a motherfucker, and it doesn’t help that it’s also storming. He just wanted a nice, fun camping trip, but nooo, some shitty-ass god out there decided “Oh! Time to turn Remus into a shitty cliche horror movie protagonist!”. Why can’t he be the antagonist? Or… wait, what’s the one in the middle of the two? The side character? He wants to be the one guy who is in the midst of all the action with the protag, but seemingly dies halfway through the movie, and then comes back at the end to be like, ”Haha, surprise, bitch! I’m not dead!”.

Huh. Maybe he shouldn’t make all of his life choices based on movie stereotypes.

Anyway, he wishes that at the very least it’d stop fucking raining, because it makes it seriously hard to crawl through the underbrush while slipping in mud and falling flat on his face every two seconds. The stab wound is painful, sure, but as long as he can keep pressure on it and not lose too much blood before he gets to the main road, he should be fine. But having to deal with the downpour hindering his movement and blinding most of his senses sucks ass. How the hell is he supposed to utilize his tracking skills and make sure he’s going the right way without being able to see, hear, or smell a single goddamn thing? He might like making other people wet, but that doesn’t mean he likes being wet himself.

So, he thinks he’s going the right direction. Trying to escape a batshit crazy murderer in the middle of the woods doesn’t leave you a lot of time to casually sit down at a table with a cup of tea and pull out your faded, burnt treasure map, but if he had a table and a cup of tea and a partially burnt map, he would totally do that. Maybe the killer would be so confused, he’d have time to run away.

The thought causes Remus to bark out a laugh into the white noise of the storm, which is a VBI (Very Bad Idea), because it goes straight to his stomach. The pain that radiates out from the wound is like, actually excruciating, hahaha! But... Remus is supposed to be the one who actually survives to the end. He-- he has to be. Who else is gonna fill Roman’s socks with wet concrete?

Oh, Roman. His brother would probably be crying like a little bitch if he were here. Now he’d be the protagonist, the one who’d make so many stupid decisions and somehow come out of it alive anyway. He’s like those teenage girls in horror movies who make you scream at the screen “Don’t go in the dark scary basement, you fucking idiot!” but for some reason, never have a single repercussion for any of their terrible choices. (Remus would be the one who would sacrifice himself for the main character near the end of the movie at the dramatic climax, but Roman can never know that.)

Maybe he wishes Roman was here so that he didn’t have to crawl all this way on his own, but whatever. His brother would probably be too busy whining about his ruined hair to help much, anyway. Not-- Not that Remus needs help! He is having a blast slipping and sliding through the sticks and mud and bushes, thank you very much!

“C’mon out, dude! Don’t draw out the inevitable!” a voice echoes from the trees, a yell that’s far too familiar for Remus’ liking. God, can this guy just give it up already? Go find some other helpless damsel to terrorize! He does not wanna try Remus right now. This may all be fun and games, but Remus is starting to get pissed off, and he is unafraid to take out the stress on this crazy dumbfuck.

Somehow, Remus is able to hear the guy’s footsteps come closer through the sound of the rain splashing all around him, and he speeds up. Probably better to just avoid the guy. Although Remus’d totally win in a fight, the dude does have a knife, and Remus would really prefer to not get stabbed a second time. There’s a drop ahead, a place where it looks like the floor disappears, so Remus shuffles over to it and peers over. It’s a small cliff, with maybe fifteen or so feet to the bottom, and Remus curses under his breath. Fuck, he’s gonna have to do it, isn’t he? And now that he’s looking, he can just barely make out some headlights flit through the trees and disappear, so he knows that he’s close to the main road.

With a grimace, Remus steels himself, then slides off the edge feet-first, trying to use his shoes as a brace against the incline. Of course, because his life fucking sucks, he somehow manages to hit a rock embedded in the side in the wrong crevice, and it pitches him forward off the wall to tumble to the ground below. He smacks into the wet dirt, is just barely able to bite his tongue hard enough to stop the scream from ripping from his throat, and he lands at the bottom harshly.

His stomach is on fire. It fucking hurts, feels like he’s being stabbed all over again a thousand times over. Bruises are definitely going to start forming all over his body from that fall, and coupled with the fact that his leg hit the ground at a weird angle, walking is going to be even worse than before. Fuck! Why can’t he just catch a fucking break?!

Remus pants hard, trying to work himself up to resuming his trek, when he hears his attacker’s voice calling out from above again. It sounds like he’s coming to the edge, so Remus just swallows hard and scoots himself over through the agonizing aches in his body to lay flat against the cliff wall. He just has to hope the dude doesn’t see him. He can’t really see very well through the storm, but Remus thinks he sees the guy look over the edge. Silence is key, and that’s pretty damn hard considering the absolute torture that is his wounds, but he has to. To survive.

He can’t die today.

And then the guy’s yelling for him again, and his voice is getting further away, and Remus waits in the mud until he can’t hear his footsteps anymore. Vigour and adrenaline now fully renewed, Remus bolts into the trees again, crawl morphing into a crouched run when he’s finally in cover. He clutches at his stomach to try to lessen the pain, which of course doesn’t help, but maybe it’ll keep some blood inside of him or something. Probably not best to bleed out right before he can get help. That’d be a shitty movie ending, if he’s being honest. Absolutely uncreative and unsatisfying. -11/10. 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. Is Remus delirious right now?

Despite all that, the sight of the road through a break in the trees is like a blissful breath of fresh air, a shining light of hope in the darkness. He’ll get to see Roman again, and prank Patton with bugs, and absolutely destroy Virge at video games, and listen to Dee and Lo-Lo’s stupid philosophy talks, and give his adoptive uncle Thomas a heart attack every time he does something stupid, and holy fuck maybe Remus is dying because when did he become sentimental? Ew.

A car finally comes along right as Remus manages to drag himself up onto the shoulder, and he waves frantically from where he’s kneeled on the ground in an effort to flag it down. Thank fuck, the car actually slows to a stop, and the window rolls down almost immediately. The face that pokes out is cute, and innocent-looking, and Remus prays to a god he doesn’t believe in that this person will actually help.

“Oh, jeez, are you okay? Why are you out on the road like this? Is-- Is that blood?!” the driver asks, horrified, and Remus tries to stumble closer. He doesn’t know what he looks like right now, but it’s probably horrifying, and he wouldn’t really blame this stranger if he drove away immediately. Maybe Remus will become like those ghost stories, the spooky legends about ghost hitchhikers. Ooh, maybe he’ll become a local cryptid! They can tell stories about him, and sell merch with his face on it, and he’ll be famous, and he can rub all of his sweet, sweet royalties in Roman’s face.

“Got-- I got stabbed. Crazy fucker got me while I was asleep. Help,” Remus manages to force out through his grit teeth, voice hoarse under the weight of the pain he’s in, and the driver looks extremely worried. For whose well-being, Remus has no clue.

“Alright, I’m taking you to the hospital. I couldn’t live with a guilty conscience if I left you out here. I’m Emile, by the way-- please don’t murder me, okay?” the stranger, Emile, says, and Remus chokes out a laugh despite himself. Emile gets out of his car and rushes through the drizzle without any hesitation, and Remus can already see that this is a genuinely good person. Anyone else would leave him here to die. He knows that. Even he’d leave himself here. But here this guy is, the kindest anyone has ever been to Remus, and it makes him wonder if he’ll still be as nice when he realizes that Remus’ personality is awful and the polar opposite of good and kind. (He knows he’ll never be good enough. He knows. He’s heard it enough, and he doesn’t need to be told again.)

“Not g’nna murder you. I can’t-- can’t even walk on my own, so,” Remus mumbles once he’s sure Emile is close enough to hear, and the latter just clicks his tongue with hands that frantically wave all around as if they don’t know where to go. Luckily enough for Remus, Emile pulls himself together quickly, slings an arm underneath his shoulder to help support his weight, and they limp back to the guy’s car together. As they do, Remus realizes the rain has stopped outright, and, well, isn’t that poetic?

Once he’s inside, dripping all over this stranger’s seats (okay, maybe he feels a little bad about that. When he’s a famous cryptid, he can pay for Emile to get his upholstery fixed), Remus starts to fade in and out. Not like the dying kind of “fading”, because he knows from multiple personal experiences what dying feels like, but more like he’s losing time as an effect of a literal stab wound. Oh, what did Lo-Lo call it? Desecrating? Dissipating? No, dissociating. Yeah, that’s the bitch. Yeah. Yeah...

He gets flashes now and again. Streetlamps outside, a tall building, hands underneath him, bright lights, rapid conversation. It smells like an E.R. It feels like home. He’s not gonna die today. Not yet.

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descendantofthesparrow · 5 years

Text

Happy Birthday Harry -Harry Hook x reader - one-shot

Summary: Its Harry’s first birthday in Auradon and Uma wants to do it properly, one thing though, she doesn’t bake. Good thing her roommate does, good thing Harry also loves chocolate.

Key

h/c- hair color

e/c- eye color

h/l- hair length

s/c- skin color

y/n- your name

–

Uma paced her dorm, it was three days before April 21st, Harrys 18th birthday, and Uma wanted to celebrate it for the first time! well more or less. Birthdays were a thing on the Isle, just you really didn’t celebrate, it was more of ‘hey you survived another year, good job! here’s some alcohol’. So Uma wanted to celebrate it PROPERLY. So Uma was tossing ideas back and forth between her crew, bonny suggested a sword fight party, Uma dismissed it, FG would never allow it. Gozno suggested that they steal one of ben’s larger boats and blow up stuff, Desiree shushed him, saying that was a one-way ticket to the Isle.

Uma groaned and flopped on her bed, what could they do?! It was Harry for hades sakes! It was her oldest and dearest friends 18th birthday! It needed to be special.

“how about we just throw him a party in Ben’s houseboat? I think Ben would allow it” Gil popped in, Uma snarled and sat up, about to yell at him when she stopped.

A birthday party? On a ship? On the water? That sounded perfect! Uma thought at that moment that doing too much would overwhelm harry, so a houseboat birthday party sounded perfect!

Uma grinned and shook Gil’s shoulders “Gil you’re a genius!…actually I wouldn’t go that far, but Gil that sounds perfect!”

Gil grinned and said he’d ask Ben if they could borrow the boat and rushed out the door, Uma yelling after him to not spill the beans to harry. It was supposed to be a surprise.

He gave a thumbs up in return as he ran to Ben's office. Uma sighed and turned to the rest of the crew. Clapping her hands together, the crew stood at attention.

“Alright, Harry’s birthday party, Desiree, you’re in charge of snacks and food. Gonzo, drinks, but! Only non-alcoholic, FG will hound our asses if we’re caught with that shit” the two nodded and raced out. “Jonas, Davis, Serena, decorations, and for fuck’s sake, if there is any fire, other than a bonfire, I will lose it!” the three pyromaniacs cackled as they ran off to…somewhere or other.

Uma turned to the last four people in the room. “Johnny and bonny, music” they nodded and also raced out of the room. “Erick and Calvin, lights” they raced out before Uma could assign them anything else.

“now that just leaves the cake, now who-“ Uma stopped, right, she just assigned jobs to everyone, everyone but herself, that meant… “I have to make the cake” she could just order a cake but…it was for Harry! It had to be homemade. Uma sighed and head for the kitchens, luckily it was Easter break, giving her time that wouldn’t have been possible with classes in session, besides how hard could baking a cake be?

–

“dammit!” Uma screamed in frustration, slamming the burnt hardened chocolate cake on the counter, hades dammit! Why couldn’t she do this!? It was just a simple chocolate cake! So why was she burning it beyond recognition! And even the batter tasted terrible! Uma could cook! Why couldn’t she bake!? It was so similar!

Uma growled and wiped the cocoa powder off her face, time to try again. And she was going to follow the recipe to the smallest detail!

–

Yeah, she couldn’t do this, two days of trying to make Harry a cake, to no avail. Uma dragged herself to her dorm and sluggishly showed, ridding her self of the flour, cocoa, melted chocolate, and sugar.

Uma entered the main dorm and flopped on the bed, glancing at her roommate, who was sitting at her desk, drawing away, munching on a chocolate cupcake…wait!

Uma sat up, making her roommate jump at her sudden movement. Uma jumped off her bed and slammed her hands on the (h/c) girls desk, making her fall back and flail, Uma preventing the chair from falling any further. Uma grabbed one of the extra cupcakes and held it in front of her roommate.

“did you make these?” the girls (e/c) eyes stared at Uma with confusion and surprise. “uh-“

“did you make these?!” Uma strained, she needed to know! The girl nodded her (h/l) (h/c) hair bounced with her motion. Uma smirked good.

“Alright, I need to do something for me…” Uma frowned, trying to remember the girl’s name. the girl huffed and forced her chair back up, standing and picking up the accidentally tossed cupcake. And threw it in the trash. She sighed and turned back to Uma, hands on her hips.

“My name is (y/n), and what do you need me to do?”

Uma nodded, and bit into the cupcake, wanting to make sure that you were a good baker, which you were because when Uma bit into the chocolate cake her mouth exploded with flavor, the bittersweetness of the chocolate crossing with the sweetness of the icing on top.

“holy shit you made this?!” you snuffed (laughing through your nose) and nodded, smirking at Umas face, surprise, and bliss. The greatest face someone could make when consuming an artists work.

“anyway,” Uma swallowed the confection down, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “I need you to make me a cake” you raised an eyebrow.

“why?” you asked, walking over to Uma and sitting back down at your desk and saving your artwork. “why do you need me to make you a cake?” you looked up at Uma, who was shuffling in place, unsure as to tell you the reason why, before Uma remember this is Auradon, you wouldn’t refuse and tell someone that Uma was being nice, you would agree, or politely decline and suggest someone else.

“it’s for harry, it’s his 18th birthday tomorrow, and my crew and I are doing a birthday party for him, so I wanted to have a cake that was from scratch, not a store cake.” you hummed and asked, “why did it need to be a homemade one?” Uma paused, this was kinda personal, but if it got you to make a cake she’d do it.

“we didn’t really do birthdays on the Isle, so this is Harry’s first proper birthday so-“ you stood at that, face set in determination, “ I will make the greatest fuckin cake that boy has or will ever eat!” you pulled Uma out of the room, and to the kitchens, Uma mentally groaning, she just came from there! But it’s for harry.

“so why didn’t you just make the cake yourself?” Uma just looked at you and grabbed a trashed burnt cake and showed it to you, you just nodded and turned to retrieved the ingredients, but paused, you didn’t know what kind of cake you were making.

“Uma?” she hummed, getting out the utensils and bowls. “what kind of cake do you think he’d want?”

“chocolate, he loves chocolate”

“devils food or just a straight up chocolate cake?”

“what the hells a devils food?”

“devils food it is”

—

Hours later, the cake was ready…to be decorated, and Uma was amazed that they were able to get to this point, Uma had tried for almost three days and had failed each and every single time. While you had only tried once and had created a three-tiered cake.

“Um, thanks (y/n)” you turned and smiled brightly at Uma, make her smile slightly as well, a contagious smile. “you’re welcome uma~ it was fun, I love doing stuff like this”

As you were preparing the buttercream, Uma had a thought, “(y/n)?” you hummed as you were scooping the cream into the piping bag “do you want to come to the party?”

You paused and look at Uma, who flushed and tried to rebuttal but you gave a closed eye smile and happily accepted the invite, but you asked why she thought to do that in the first place.

“well, you did something that I couldn’t accomplish, so…you might as well”

“kay, when and where?”

“ben’s private docks, the houseboat, at 6:00 pm, that’s the time for the set up”

“I’ll be there”

“okay”

—

Harry sat in his room with Gil, working on his easter break math homework. Gil was typing up an essay when his phone went off, he grabbed it in a haste and glanced at the text from Uma

From Cap’in Uma at 6:25 pm

-ready, bring him down, remember the blindfold-

Gil grinned gleefully and hurridly saved his progress and tossed his laptop onto his bed and rushed over to Harry, tugging on his jacket sleeves. Harry shook him away but relented when Gil said Uma wanted to see him.

“why-wha’ the hell?!” Gil wrapped a red cloth around Harrys eyes, blinding him. “wha’ the hell Gil?!”

“don’t worry about it!”

“GIL!”

“don’t worry about it!”

Gil pulled harry through the halls, running into ben who burst out laughing at the sight of a confundled harry with a blindfold on and being tugged around by Gil.

“ben help! I’ll stop bugging you for a week if you save me!”

“Sorry, Harry I know what this is for, I promise you’ll be happily surprised, don’t run him into anything Gil”

“kay!”

“OW! GIL YOU GAKIT CUNT!”

“oops sorry!”

Soon they arrived at the private docks and Gil bounced slightly as he pushed Harry down the dock and carefully led him onto the boat

“Careful, there’s a gap there, aaand there, kay now into here!”

“Gil, what the fuck is goin’ on?”

“you’ll see!”

The crew silently laughed at Harry’s comments, and as Gil settled harry in the middle of the main room, and ran to join the group, crowding around the table with all the food and drink, the large chocolate cake resting in the middle.

“can I take this off now?”

Uma answered for Gil, who was too excited to speak properly “go for it”

Harry ripped off the cloth and his eyes widened

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY!”

He stood there, eyes wide and mouth open. The crew laughed at the look on his face, Harry was speechless! “i-I, wha’?”

Uma laughed and smiled at Harry “it’s your first birthday in Auradon, and we wanted to do it properly, sooo here ya go, happy 18th birthday harry”

Harry’s eyes shined and watered, and tears overflowed and he wiped them away as quickly as he could, the crew laughing and crowding him in a group hug,

“Jesus fucks, i-“Harry’s voice cracked, the crew tried to squeeze in tighter. “I forgot it was my birthday, ye all know me da-…he…me bein born wasn’t a good thing for him” (a line borrowed from @edream93 )

Gil pulled back and grinned at Harry. “he might not like your birthday, but we’re all glad you were born!” the crew stopped and stared at Gil, Harry freezing up. Gil stood there for a second before deflating, thinking he said something wrong before Harry rushed forward and hugged Gil.

“thanks, Gil.”

Gil happily hugged back, they separated after a couple of moments before Harry turned to Uma.

“so how’d ye do this?!” Uma smirked and shrugged, “I just asked Ben if we could throw a party for you, he happily gave us permission to use his houseboat and private dock, we have this whole thing to ourselves for the entire night!”

“awesome!” Harry grinned, he glanced toward the cake before looking back at Uma, “so did ye make a cake o something’ tha’ doesn’t look store bought?”

Uma groaned at the memory of the cake failures “I tried to, but I kept burning them, so I asked (y/n) to help” Harry was confused, who was (y/n)?

“who’s (y/n)?”

“my roommate, shes over there” Uma gestured to someone and Harry turned and Harry felt that cliche at first sight feeling that the princess and princes talk about.

A short/tall girl with (h/l) (h/c) hair that caught the lights, and sparkling (e/c) eyes, smooth/bumpy (smooth or bumpy skin you beautiful boo) (s/c) skin, plump/thin lips that had a breathtaking smile, ‘holy shit shes pretty’ Harry thought Uma snickered at his staring, yelling for (y/n) to come over, Uma already making fast friends with her earlier.

you stopped in front of Harry and Uma, smiling still, and Harry still not able to take his eyes off her.

“hey (y/n), this is Harry, Harry this is (y/n)”

You smiled and held out your hand for a greeting, “hi harry~ its nice meet you!” harry grasped your hand and smirked back at you, flirt mode activated “nice ta meet ya to lassie, Uma didn’t tell me ye were this pretty~” you blushed and giggled, covering your face with your hands.

Uma rolled her eyes and left you two alone, Jesus one look at you and Harry was smitten

–

“PRESENT TIME!!” Gil screamed, the crew yelling with him and pushed Harry into the chair in front of the table with the presents,

“okay okay im opening them!”

To harry from bonny: a cup with the words “im the reason the rums always gone” “I fucking love it bon!” “I knew you would!”

To harry from Gonzo: a new calf-length fabric jacket made by evie “I didn’t know you had a fashion sense gonzo?” “haha evie made it”

To harry from Serena: a lighter with a skull on it “I should have expected this” yes you should have”

To harry from Gil: a 100 pg sketchbook “gil, why-“ “dude we all know you love to draw, no point in trying to deny that” “fine, thanks”

To harry from Uma: charcoal pencils and alcohol makers “holy shit Uma! These are fucking expensive!!! How’d you get these?!” “I have my ways~”

And so on and so forth

Until Harry got to an unmarked long case and a small leather bag.

“wha’s this?” Uma shrugged and looked around, the rest of the crew shrugging as well, they didn’t give those to him.

Harry lifted the case and carefully opened it, a gasp ripping from his mouth, “holy shit” in the case was a beautiful Renaissance-style rapier including a mock-ivory handle and gold pommel, with a swept-basket style hilt in gold over brass with gemstones and tableau-engraved decoration.

Harry carefully lifted the sword out of its case and the light hit the blade and the gems on the hilt causing lights to hit the room, and the entire crew gasped at is beauty, never having seen a sword like that, Harry glanced back at the case. Seeing a folder with a paper in it, picking it up and examining it he saw two things, one was a note, another was a weapon permit.

To harry: all pirate lords need a blade to wield.

Ps. A permit so FG can’t take it.

Harry furrowed his brows, pirate lord? His dad was one, but he wasn’t. or at least his dad was one, but not anymore, not after being sent to the isle.

Harry picked up the pouch and opened it, and his jaw dropped. “Harry?” Uma questioned “Harry what is it?!” harry hurridly emptied the bag and he held it up.

A small coin

But not just any coin, a piece of eight, the coin that the 9 pirate lords of the brethren court held, and what’s more, it was his father’s coin. The one he had replicated by one of the blacksmiths on the Isle to brag to the other pirates of the Isle.

This-this meant.

Another folded note was in the bag. He rushed to open it and read it, ignoring Umas questioning

James Hook has been removed from his post, and as per request from the fellow lords, you are to be his successor. Protect this with your life. Welcome to the brethren court, Harry Hook, as one of the 9 pirate lords

When the moment arrives, you know the call.

Hoist the colors

-the king of the brethren court.

“it-it” Harry stammered, Uma stepped forward and grabbed the coin, flipping it in her hands “it says im the newest addition to the brethren court” the crew stared at him in shock. Gozno broke the silence, waving his arms around

“hold up, hold up, hold up! You mean! You” he pointed at Harry “are the newest pirate lord?! What?!” the crew burst, yelling and screaming, both from excitement and disbelief.

You sighed and broke through the crew, reaching Uma and harry who was talking animatedly, harry straightening at the sight of you, shoving Uma.

“hey (y/n), what’s up?”

“nothing, but im going to head out, this new situation seems to be a thing you and the crew should talk over, happy birthday harry”

“thanks, lassie, see ya”

“see ya”

As you walked away Uma had a thought, she yelled after you, making the crew silence.

“(y/n)” you turned “I never got your last name!”

“Oh, its Sparrow, (y/n) Sparrow” and you walked off the ship and let them sit with that information.

…

“DID SHE SAY SPARROW?!!”

—–

You re-entered your dorm and sighed, you never thought you’d get that sword and coin to harry, but finally, with the gize of Harrys birthday, you were able to complete aunt Elizabeth’s request, for Harry to be appointed as one of the 9 pirate lords, in place of his father.

Now to wait for them to ask If you jacks daughter, which spoiler alert, you were.

…

And just like Harry, you had taken your dads spot in the brethren court after your dad’s banishment to the Isle of the lost.

—the end~!—

i hope you guys enjoyed that! this was written for Thomas Doherty’s 24th birthday!!

#descendants #descendents #disney descendants #harryhook #harry hook #harry hook descendants #harry hook imagine #harry hook x reader #uma daughter of ursula #uma descendants #umas crew #gil son of gaston #gil descendants #my art #my writing

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glitchvault74 · 4 years

Text

Take Me down to Diamond City Where the Walls are Green and the Girls are Pretty

[Previous]

The wake-up call from the vault may have been Prince Charming’s kiss after a long two hundred years asleep... But the trip to Diamond City is where everything about this situation becomes real. At first, it was like the trip to the settlement that Rig never caught the name of and won’t know how to find later to prove his innocence to Lady. It was a daze-filled dreamworld of a broken countryside. It was something Rig couldn’t comprehend and didn’t bother to try.

But then Tim has Rig stop by a rusted car, half buried in the ground and with all the windows shattered. Tim has him wait and then wanders off to do something, and Rig stares at the car. He wanders around it, getting the details of it. The paint is long gone and pieces of the car are torn off for who knows what reason. There’s something in the backseat— a... skeleton in the backseat. One that looks much too real to be anything besides human remains. Just something sitting so casually out in the open...

Except it’s not “the open”, so to speak. Rig looks around, noticing more things. Perhaps not finer details, but at the least he can now notice anything about the world around him. Actually perceive it and understand what he’s looking at. Rusted cars everywhere, a freeway collapsed with parts of it hanging precariously, structures that look practically melted with how they’re falling apart. Desolate, decaying, decimated... There’s trash everywhere. There’s a few more bodies.

He covers his mouth and holds his stomach as he crouches. This is real. This is real. Everything’s in a sharp clarity now, that’s buzzing in his ears— Or is that buzzing external...?

Rig looks up and scrambles back at the sight of something giant and flying and scary. Like some sort of hell insect. And coming right at him. He jumps to his feet like an awkward, newborn foal, with all the grace of someone who suddenly forgot how to walk, and he’s about to run when—

BANG!

He runs anyway, at the least to behind the safety of another car, and he peeks over it when the sounds have stopped. Tim approaches the remains of the hellsect, now holding a gun of some sort and carrying a pack holding who knows what.

“Olly olly oxen free!” he calls, waving over at him. “You can come out now! The big scary bloodbug is dead!”

Rig hesitates, but he shuffles out from behind the car and back over to Tim. He wrinkles his nose as Tim pulls out a knife from his pack and cuts off chunks of the “bloodbug”.

“Your first time seeing one of these, yeah?” Tim asks. “Trust me, no one likes these things.”

“Why’s it called a bloodbug?” Rig asks.

“Uh, maybe because they eat blood?”

“Oh, like a mosquito...”

“Spit it back at you too.”

“Oh, like a mutant mosquito.”

“Got it in two, Rigsby,” Tim grins. “That’s exactly what these are.” He wraps up chunks of the bloodbug and shoves it into his pack. “We’re eating like kings tonight. Kings who eat gross bugs.”

Rig pulls a face. Something caught between disbelief and utter disgust. Tim cleans up his knife and puts it away and then stands up, picking his gun up with him.

“Don’t worry,” he says. “We’ll cook it first. Less chance of disease that way.”

Rig closes his mouth. He didn’t even realize it was open. He stares at the mess of the bloodbug remains and then back up at Tim. “I’ll be right back,” he says and he wanders off to behind the closest car.

“What?” Tim calls over. “Something wro—?” He cringes at the familiar sound of someone trying to vomit on an empty stomach. “Well. Thanks for not doing that on me!”

By the time Rig stumbles back over, he’s dizzy and light-headed all over again. The world is back to being spinny— was it spinny before?

“Rig? Rigsby? Hey—”

“Huh?” Rig asks. He flinches when something splashes in his face. “Huh???”

“Here.” Tim shoves something into Rig’s hands. Water. “Drink this.”

“I’m not—” He cuts himself off. His throat is burning. He drinks, not pausing at the taste this time. The vertigo and nausea passes and he hands the container back.

“Feeling better?” Tim asks.

“Less dead,” Rig says, flashing an OK.

“Good enough.” Tim motions for him to follow again. “Man, Doc Teddy Bear was right after all. You would not survive out here on your own. With how fast you’re moving, it’ll be another day before we get to Diamond City. We should find some shelter before night hits.”

“Hmm,” Rig says, glancing back to the car he saw the skeleton in as he follows Tim.

“You taking notes?” Tim asks. “This is your Wasteland Survival Guide. Good ol’ Jim won’t be around to help you forever, you know.”

“On purpose?” Rig asks, distracted.

Tim looks back at him. “I mean, hopefully, yeah—”

“The name thing,” Rig clarifies. “You told me to call you Tim, but you called yourself different things since then...?”

Tim grins. “That’s a test to see if you’re paying attention. Good job. I’ll let you have the nicer bloodbug steak tonight as a treat.”

Rig covers his mouth again.

“Orrrr not! That’s fine too!”

The rest of the day goes much smoother. Rig picks up his pace the moment he feels less sick, follows along just behind Tim who keeps him in his peripheral. They stop a few times to avoid dangers, Tim redirects them a few other times. It’s a long, winding path they’re taking, and not useful for Rig to figure out where he is at all, even with the map Tim says is on his Pip-Boy. It means nothing to him if he doesn’t know any of the landmarks they’re passing.

Tim will not shut up either. But unlike the woman from the caravan, Rig listens more to the things Tim says. After all, while some of the things he says sound like lessons on how to survive... most of it is random comments or references to things or otherwise just interesting wordplay.

Rig smiles to himself as he thinks it over. Too bad he doesn’t have a way to record any of that. Tim says some fun things that Rig wants to relisten to sometime...

The sun sets, and they’re “still a half a day away” from Diamond City, according to Tim. Rig’s not certain how true that is, but with how they travelled today, he’ll accept it. He waits outside on the street in a long abandoned neighborhood as Tim checks to make sure it’s suitable for the night.

“Alright,” Tim calls from the doorway of a half-collapsed house at the edge of the neighborhood. “We should be safe in here. No raiders or anything.”

Rig walks in after Tim. What’s left of the house is gray and dusty. Part of the roof and the far wall is gone. There’s an old stove in the corner that Tim seems to have lit to cook something in. An old mattress on the floor that someone must have used before only to abandon it in the end... Everything smells of mildew and bad decisions. There’s a couple sturdy crates and Tim sits on one and motions for Rig to take the other.

“Home sweet dilapidated home,” Tim chuckles. “Dinner will be ready soon. Did you have a nice day at work?”

Rig sits down, sending Tim another confused look. Just one of many that’s been shared all day.

“That’s what it’d used to be like, right?” Tim asks. “Couples being all cute, one half working all day while the other stays home to cook and clean... I mean, assuming they didn’t have help...”

“Mister Handys?” Rig asks, pulling a face. “They made me nervous, so we never had one.”

“Oh?” Tim asks. “So who did the cooking and cleaning?”

“I did.” He leans forward on his knees and looks at the dirt on the ground. He could draw something in this. “R—” He stops for a moment. New word. Different word. “Roommate worked, I stayed home. I did the chores, he paid for things. He’d make sure I had a social life. Most of my friends were his friends.” He reaches down and starts to draw something. Tries to at least. Stupid Pip-Boy, making it difficult to see his work.

“Huh.” Tim smirks. “So, I should be getting you to cook for us, shouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know how to cook bloodbug.”

“Heh, yeah. I’d imagine pre-war cooking is a bit different from how things are now.” Tim gets up and stretches. “Speaking of. You feeling better about eating that now or...?”

“Not hungry,” he says.

Tim tilts his head and watches Rig draw in the dirt. “Have you eaten at all since leaving that vault?”

Rig doesn’t answer for a moment. He pauses from drawing but doesn’t look up at Tim. “Nnyes?”

“You haven’t,” Tim says. He hums. “But you really don’t feel like eating...? You’re going to starve to death, Rigsby.”

“I died in 1948,” he grumbles.

Tim laughs. “Yeah? And when were you born?”

“I was never born.”

“Ooh, a ghost. That’s so spooky.”

“I could kill Macbeth.”

Tim grins. “I thought you said you weren’t a murderer.”

Rig looks up at him. “I thought you said I didn’t need to be strong to commit a homicide. Macbeth isn’t real anyway. Like... Like... John Hancock.” He immediately sighs and drops his face into his hand. “Stupid...” he mutters.

“Nope, you’re right,” Tim laughs. “John Hancock. Totally fictional.” He goes to check the steaks. “And I know who Macbeth is,” he says. “You’ll get ‘em next time, Macduff.”

“Hmm.” Rig glances at him and then down at his drawing of a skull. He frowns and swipes it away with his foot.

“But no, seriously.” Tim carries the cooked steaks over. “You want one of these or not? Where’s your sense of adventure?”

“Lost it in the jungle in 1805.” Rig stares at the steaks and grimaces. “It’s... safe to eat?”

“Ouch, what an insult.” Tim sits back down. “If you’re going to keep insulting my cooking, I’m going to file for divorce, honeypie.”

Rig blinks. His confused look returns, this time complete with his eyes darting back and forth as he tries to puzzle out an answer to a question his mind hasn’t thought to ask.

“It’s safe,” Tim says, holding one of the steaks out. “Promise. You have, what, fifteen caps on you? That’s not worth murdering someone over. That shirt on the other hand...”

“.........If I die,” Rig says, a bit slower than before as he actually thinks over his words. He takes the steak. “Then as long as you didn’t divorce me... you’re entitled to my things.”

Tim laughs. “And they say romance is dead!”

Rig smiles a little and then takes a bite of the steak without looking at it. He pulls a face as he chews it. Chews a bit more. Lifts his brow and nods in approval and eats more.

“Really?” Tim asks between mouthfuls of his own steak. “You turned around on your opinion that fast?”

“I’ve had worse,” Rig answers. “Roommate cooked once. Was gross and gave me food poisoning.”

“That’s going to happen at some point. Wasteland Survival lesson whatever number we’re on. You’re going to eat some bad food at some point and get food poisoning.”

“...Gross.”

“Mm-hmm. One of the glamorous things about life.”

The two lapse into silence as they eat their meals. The moon shines overhead. Tim still wears those sunglasses. He finishes eating first.

“I’ll take first watch,” he says. He hums and wiggles his hand as he thinks. “I’ll take watch,” he corrects. “I’m a light sleeper, but I don’t trust you to know what to look for to wake me up in time should something show up.”

“Yeah,” Rig says. “You’re not going to sleep, though?”

“Eh, I’ll catch some Z’s. When you least expect it. You won’t even notice.” He moves his crate over to where his things are resting against the wall, giving him full view over everything else. “But I promised to get you to Diamond City in one piece, didn’t I?”

Rig turns around on his crate to face Tim. “...What’s your story?” he asks.

“My story?” He smiles. “Nothing special. Parents were farmers, so I grew up learning good, working values. Then the farm got overrun by ferals and we were forced to leave. Spent my young adult years going around to different places, doing different jobs, learning new skills. Took up hunting for food at some point. You saw how good my aim was with that bloodbug, right?”

“No, I was hiding,” Rig says.

“You’re honest,” Tim chuckles. “I like that about you, Rig. You seem like you couldn’t tell a single lie.”

Rig’s lips thin. He chews his last bite of bloodbug slowly and swallows it. “Yeah...”

“Anyway,” Tim continues. “Ended up settling in Buttonwood—that’s where Doc Tedds was treating you—while my parents found their way to Diamond City. They’re elderly now, so I make sure to visit them frequently before they shuffle off this mortal coil.”

Rig squints. “Hmm.”

“What?” Tim asks. “Don’t believe me...?”

“...The settlement is called Buttonwood?”

“...Heh.” Tim leans back against the wall. “Yeah. It actually is. Well, get some sleep, Rigsby. We’ve got another long walk ahead of us.”

Rig shrugs and gets up. Weird. He feels a bit better than he did before sitting down... He lies down on the mattress, on his side facing the wall and closes his eyes...

Ends up opening them some twenty minutes later, he estimates, unable to sleep. Maybe he can trick himself to sleep if he doesn’t move from this spot and just... thinks or something...

But everything that happened that day bounces around in his mind. The bloodbug, the skeleton, Lady, the accusation that Rig killed someone... Tim. Whatever was up with Tom. His ol’ pal Jim.

Morning comes with the sound of Tim moving around, just like he did throughout the night, but this time, Rig flips over to face him.

“Oh, good, you’re awake,” Tim grins. “Want some breakfast?”

“No.”

“Are you sure? Not even if I were to offer you... Fancy Lads?”

Rig looks up. “You have Fancy Lads?”

Tim pulls out a package. “And they have your name on them!” He tosses it to Rig who catches it.

Rig looks at the package and sees the “RIG” written on the outside. “...You have a pen?”

“What? Nooo. I found them like that.”

Rig furrows his brow. That... sounds like a lie... “...Alright,” he says, choosing to accept it even if he knows better than to believe that. He’ll find his own pen. Some day... In the meantime: it’s Fancy Lads Snack Cakes for breakfast. Amazing that these things never expire and therefore have to still be edible, because that’s how expiry dates work, right? He gets a mouthful of cake and talks around it as he chews. “These things are as disgusting as I remember them being.”

Tim looks up from his own breakfast. Some kind of fruit maybe? “You don’t like them?”

“I love them,” Rig says. “Doesn’t make them any less disgusting. Hadn’t had them since I was a kid.”

“...Why are you eating them if you think they’re disgusting?”

“You fed me bloodbug last night and now nothing is sacred.”

“Fair enough.”

Breakfast ends with little fanfare. Tim packs up. They head out. Simple as that. It’s back to the same as the day before. Navigating around like in the most zigzag way they can. Avoiding dangers. Probably taking twice as long to get anywhere, perhaps longer. But if they’re having to stop to hide from something that Rig doesn’t have the chance to see but Tim insists is there, Rig rather err on the side of “okay but that bloodbug continues to be terrifying I rather trust Tim that there’s something dangerous we have to hide from than risk dying.”

Even so, Tim’s back to saying things. Rig’s back to listening. It’s a shame they’ll part ways once they get to Diamond City. Rig may not know this man, but likes his company.

The buildings get bigger—the ones still standing that is, as abandoned as they are. There’s more concrete, cracked several times over and broken into chunks. There’s more people, but they don’t stay and chat too long. Tim does his best to avoid anyone seeing them for some reason.

Things start looking a bit more familiar... Like a place Rig’s been to before, only utterly wrecked from time and a war he doesn’t remember. The eerie, empty giants are shells of the past that Rig doesn’t recognize, if he ever could.

Tim leads him along to a... huge-big, green, walled structure. Rig stares at it as they get closer. That’s odd... He feels like he should know this one at least... He’s been here at least, right...? At least in passing...?

They’re nearly right in front of the statue of a baseball player before Rig actually sees it. His eyes widen and he gasps. “Oh! I get it now!”

“Yeah?” Tim grins.

“This is Diamond City?” he asks. “On a baseball diamond? What was the name of this.... Sports... field...? St— Stereo— Uh.” Rig looks down in thought. He snaps his fingers. “Stadium! What was the name of the stadium?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be pre-war?” Tim grins. “You don’t remember the name?”

“I’m not from Massachusetts,” he says. “I was living here only.... Maybe 5 years? Before whatever happened? Maybe more? I don’t know. I’m terrible with time.”

“Ha!” Tim claps a hand onto Rig’s shoulder. “That’s great that you broke your clock and calendar, then.”

Rig frowns. “Yeah...”

“Well, buck up,” Tim says. “As soon as we get through those gates, this part of the journey will be over! You just have to find that detective and convince him to take on your case with those fifteen caps in your pocket.”

“...That’s not worth much is it?”

“Nope! But you could always offer that shirt.”

Rig twists his body away, holding onto his flamingo shirt by the shoulders, utter offense coating his face. The audacity. The nerve.

“Yep,” Tim laughs. “You know how valuable that is. Let’s go, Rigsby. Just a little farther.”

“...How do I find that detective...?”

“Just look for his sign. His is the only detective agency in town.”

Rig looks away as he thinks it over, merely following Tim inside without paying attention to how they got in or where they’re going. “What happens if I—?”

He looks around. He’s in the city, by himself, Tim nowhere to be seen.

...Time to wander aimlessly in hopes of finding where he needs to go.

———

It’s a quiet evening in the Valentine Detective Agency. The sun is setting outside the walls of the office, and there likely won’t be anyone showing up on their doorstep with a case to solve... But that’s just jinxing it. In the meantime, Detective Nick Valentine reads through the paper, reading up on local news for the day. He sent Ellie home early when the day seemed to be bringing no trouble with it, leaving Nick in the office with his trusty partner, Miss Echo Gray, and Echo’s trusty partner, a German Shepherd being spoiled with belly rubs.

“Who’s a good boy?” Echo kneels on the floor as she showers Dogmeat with affection. Dogmeat’s tail thumps on the floor as he gives happy little boofs. “Who’s a good boy?”

“Boof!”

“That’s right! You’re a good boy!”

“You’re a good man, Dogmeat,” Nick adds, a casual, amused smile on his lips as he turns the page of his paper.

Dogmeet boofs again and then climbs to his feet to run in circles around Echo. Dogmeat then rushes to the door, barking excitedly at it.

“Expecting someone, Nick?” Echo asks, quickly pulling out a pair of sunglasses to cover her silver eyes and obscure the scar running down the right side of her face. She stands up, waiting to hear a knock.

“Not this late, no,” Nick answers. He sets down the paper and heads for the door. “Echo, could you...?”

“Dogmeat!” Echo clicks her tongue. “Here, boy.”

Dogmeat rushes up to her and sits at her side. There’s a knock just before Nick opens the door.

“Oh, Detective Valentine,” a man says, dressed in a coat, a hat, and sunglasses. He dabs a dirty handkerchief to his face to wipe up imaginary tears. “It’s simply awful. I need to hire your services to find my missing insert relation to me here.”

“Deacon,” Nick deadpans. “What are you doing here?”

Deacon grins. “Practicing my acting skills. I think I’m ready to start a theatre troupe. Gotta keep busy somehow, right? What do you think?”

“You know, for someone who lies every other sentence, you’d think your drama skills would be better.”

Deacon clutches his chest. “You wound me!”

Nick rolls his optics. “What are you actually doing here?”

“Can’t a man say hi to his sister once in a while?”

“You have a sister?” Echo deadpans, moving to stand beside Nick. “And before you make the—”

“Of course I do, sis!” Deacon grins and leans in with a motion to his sunglasses. “We have the same eyes!”

“Get new jokes,” Echo sighs. “Maybe then you could do stand-up instead of theatre.”

Deacon grins. “Right back at ya, Bullseye. Say, any new cases pop up in the last... Oh, let’s say three hours?”

“Nope,” Nick says. He finally moves out of the doorway, a silent invitation for Deacon to come in. “It’s been a quiet day. Even sent Ellie home early.”

“Really?” Deacon asks, wandering into the office. “You didn’t see or hear anything from a guy in a stupid shirt with pink birds on it, did you?”

“Flamingos?” Echo asks.

“You’ve seen him!”

“Nope,” she says. “Why, should we have...?”

Deacon goes oddly quiet. “...So,” he says at last. “I guess it’s true what they say. You can lead a vaultie to Diamond City but you can’t make him be able to find the only detective agency in town on his own.”

Nick and Echo both look at him in alarm.

“Deacon,” Nick says. “What did you do?”

“Nothing!” Deacon says. “Now, if you were to ask him, he might tell you about a Tim or maybe a Tom who helped him get here, but...”

Echo covers her face. “Deacoooon,” she groans.

“Well, hey!” Deacon grins. “Bright side is, that guy is totally harmless! He’s more likely to get killed than hurt anyone.” He winces. “Maybe we ought to find him.”

“I’ll stay here,” Nick says. “In case he finds his way here after all. Echo, you go with Deacon. Take Dogmeat. Hopefully, this man’s got enough sense to at least say within the city walls.”

———

Rig has absolutely no idea how long it’s been since he got to Diamond City, but he’s no closer to finding where he needs to go than he was the first dozen times he passed by this building despite the fact he knows he’s been trying different paths looking for that sign Tim told him to look for. Detective Agency. Detective Agency. How hard could it be to find a sign that says Detective Agency? He can read. Why is finding it the hard part?

Worse yet, the sun has set. He’s lost, confused, and has no idea where to go. He groans and keeps walking, hoping to spy something different besides the darkness making everything harder to see. Except for whatever that weird red-pink glow is but—

He backtracks and squints at the sign.

Valentine Detective Agency.

Oh.

...The heart and arrow’s a nice touch.

Rig hesitates, looking up and down the street. Would it still be open at this hour...? Well, he doesn’t have much else to do... He follows the sign to a door, and he knocks.

“Dammit,” someone curses from inside. “Just a moment!”

Rig waits patiently. He glances around as he waits, looking at. Just about anything, really. That’s an interesting color of brick. Is that graffiti or glue from an old poster? Is that—?

The door opens and Rig looks at the person on the other side. He blinks, pulling back as he takes in the person’s face. Graying, cracking skin that’s missing chunks. Mechanical parts underneath. Glowing yellow eyes. Dressed like a detective at least. That’s a good sign. The eyes dart down to his shirt. Rig waves, unsure what else to do. “Is this the detective agency...?”

“Yep,” the person says. Because this is clearly a person even if... He motions in with a skeletal, metal hand. “You must be that vault dweller Deacon dragged in.”

“Who?” he asks, following inside.

“Oh, uh... Tim.”

“...His name is Tim Deacon?”

“Well. No.” The person leans against a desk and crosses their arms. “Deacon was lying to ya, kid. Whatever he told you taking you here, most of it was probably lies.”

Rig slumps his shoulders. “Oh... Does that mean you can’t help me with the thing I need help with?”

The person smiles. “Now, that one is less likely a lie. Detective Nick Valentine. My partner, Echo, is out with Deacon looking for you, but they’re bound to give up and come back soon. Why don’t you tell me your situation in the meantime...? What’s your name, kid?”

“...Uh, well.” He winces. “Um... I’m Rig Miller.”

Nick lowers his arm and stands up straighter but doesn’t say anything for a moment. He eyes Rig, almost suspiciously. “Oh...?”

“And I woke up in some vault. 113, I think? And I... went to some settlement where some... I think she was called a ghoul? Named Lady? Said I killed her sister before the war. And I... want to prove I didn’t... But don’t know where to start...?”

“...How did you get in that vault?”

Rig shrugs. “People keep asking me that, but I have no idea. I just woke up there. I don’t remember how I got there...”

“Well, how did you get out?”

“I... don’t know.” Rig shrugs. “I was really dizzy. The door opened and I walked out.”

“That...” Nick trails off and then changes tracks. “Do you remember where it is? Is it on your Pip-Boy?”

Rig looks at his Pip-Boy. “I don’t know how to use this.”

Nick points at the dial. “Go to the maps. See what locations are marked. Hopefully, even if you haven’t been adding locations, it’ll have the location of the vault that this came from on it.”

Rig switches to the maps setting. He winces as the screen fills with bright green. “...I may have broken the map too.”

Nick looks down at the screen. “...How the hell do you break a Pip-Boy like that?”

Rig switches back to the setting it was on before. “One of life’s greatest mysteries... On par with ‘where does sand come from?’”

“Erosion,” Nick says. “We know where sand comes from.”

“Oh. Okay.” Rig looks back to the door and stiffly points at it. “I’ll just go—”

“No, no,” Nick sighs. “Look. I understand how all this must feel. Waking up somewhere unfamiliar, no knowledge how you got there, with only memories of a pre-war life to help you...”

Rig frowns. “Is it rude to ask what you are...?”

Nick smiles. “There’s a lot more ruder ways to ask. I’m a synth. Do you know what synths are?”

Rig shakes his head. “I heard the word mentioned...”

“An artificially made person,” he says. “I’m an old prototype, before the Institute started making them organic. But we’ve since taken them down. Well, Echo did most of the work. But we don’t need to talk about that. What I’m saying is, I was given the memories of an old pre-war cop. So, whatever your situation is, having a life you remember living pre-war... I can relate.”

“So there was a...” Rig squints. “A Nick Valentine in my time too?”

“Yep,” Nick nod. “You remember hearing anything about the Eddie Winters case?”

“...What is that, some kind of sports team mascot?”

Nick grins but and laughs a little, but tries to keep it down. “Not quite. Don’t worry about it.”

“Was it, uh... big?” Rig frowns. “A big case? I didn’t follow the news much.”

“No, it’s fine. We don’t need to go into it.” Nick hums. “Now, Rig Miller... I remember hearing your name around before. That was another case another precinct was following, about a man who supposedly was committing several different crimes. I suppose the murder part of that happened after the original Nick got that brain scan, else I’d know about it now. So you want to prove you never did any of those crimes?”

Rig nods. “That’d be nice.”

“Will be a tough case,” Nick comments. “It’s been over 210 years since the bombs fell. No idea what we’ll find, especially with how the wastelands are if it’s something you’re not used to...”

“...Do you... need to be paid...?” Rig checks his pockets and counts the contents. “I have.... Fourteen caps. That’s money here, right?”

“No, it’s fine.” Nick smirks at the doorway. “I’ll just make Deacon pay for it.”

“Awww, what?”

Rig looks to the door and sees two people wearing sunglasses, and a big ol’ dog standing there. The man looks familiar, but dressed in a coat and a hat. The woman, he doesn’t recognize, dressed in layers and with brown hair pulled into a ponytail. The dog looks like a regular German Shepherd instead of a scary, mutated dog he might have been expecting. Said dog runs in, barking excitedly and jumping at Rig. Rig holds his arms out in surprise and takes a step back.

“Dogmeat!” the woman says, hurrying over to pull Dogmeat away. “Sorry about him. He has the zoomies.”

“Oh, hey!” the man says, waving. “You must be that guy my twin, Tim, told me about!”

“Deacon,” Nick scolds. “I already told him you were lying.”

Deacon grins. “Oh, yeah? Well then. Wasteland Survival lesson number whatever, Rigsby. People lie. All the time.”

Rig furrows his brow. “You kept your promise about getting me here...”

“Well, that’s just because I’m a good and wonderful person,” Deacon chuckles. “You already tell Valentine about that case you need help with?”

“We were just discussing it,” Nick says. “Echo, you need an update?”

“No I’m good,” the woman says. Echo looks up. “Rig, right?” she asks. She stands up once Dogmeat calms down, and she smiles at Rig. “Deacon told me your situation while we were looking for you.” She sends Deacon as pointed a look as she can with her eyes behind sunglasses. “Assuming you were telling the truth about that at least?”

Deacon holds his hands up in surrender. “Yeah. Promise. Rig Miller’s here to prove he’s not a pre-war killer.”

“Rig Miller, not a killer,” Rig mumbles. “Something something... Thriller? Hmm.”

Nick shakes his head. “Alright. It’s late. I don’t need to sleep, but the rest of you ought to. We’ll talk about this case in the morning.”

“Do you need a place to stay for the night?” Echo asks Rig.

Rig blinks. “...Uh...?”

“Yes,” Deacon interjects.

“Yes,” Rig parrots.

“Then let’s get to my place before it gets any later,” Echo says.

“It’s after office hours anyway,” Nick adds, ushering Rig out the door with the others following behind them. He locks the door and then holds out his arm for Echo. She hooks her arm around his.

“Come on, boys,” she says. “Deacon, make sure Rig doesn’t get lost.”

“You heard the compass, Rigsby,” Deacon says. “Keep up.”

Rig glances around at everyone, and remembers to follow a second after. Alright. Everything’s going okay so far... And they seem to trust him not to be a murderer... To want to help him prove he— that Rig isn’t... That he pretending to be Rig isn’t a murderer...

That’s good, right...?

———

Echo belongs to @falloutglow who also helped with writing this story.

[Next]

#The System is Rigged #Rig Miller #deacon #Echo Gray #nick valentine #story #this chapter is over 5k words omg #that's like twice as long as the previous chapter

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shi-daisy · 5 years

Note

I've noticed that you're not very fond of Renji or the Kuchiki characters in general. Can I ask why? (No offense, just curious)

No offense here, anon. I'm more than happy to answer.

I'll start with Rukia since she's the easiest to explain. Rukia was one of my favorite characters up until the Hueco Mundo Arc. You see at first she was a dynamic girl, a little helpless but that was understandable since she had no powers, she was funny, kind and I really felt for her during the first arcs. Then Kubo just replaced her with another character. Rukia got more closed off, agressive, punch happy and tried to make Ichigo apologize about something that wasn't his fault. I didn't hate her, as she still had some of her best traits but this shift made her go from one of my faves to a neutral character. Worst off it's when she marries Renji after he left her for years and almost slashed her to bits, and the novel, oh that damn post canon novel gave me rabies. She's embarrassed by being called Abarai? I could buy this from Orihime, or Momo, hell I'd even buy it from Riruka, but Rukia? No, that's not her. Instead of forgiving Byakuya and Renji in a heartbeat, Rukia's character would've been better off if she told them both to sit on a prickly cactus and stay the hell away from her, then left with Ichigo and Co. to the human world at the end of the Rescue arc. Instead she forgives those two, who have been nothing but shitty to her and takes to hero worshipping Byakuya. No, that's the worst thing she could've done and to top it off she marries one of them and has his kid. That dude hit you once and you not only marry him but have his kid?! Gurl, that literally begging for trouble right there. I just felt disgusted with the way Kubo handled Rukia. I don't hate her but I don't love her as much as everyone else in the fandom does.

Renji And Byakuya though? Those two I absolutely despise.

During the first arc these two come to the human world to arrest Rukia, who need I remind you was completely powerless, and what's the first thing Renji does? Swing a goddamn sword at her. He literally just tried to slash her with his sword. Does Byakuya interfiere? Tells him to maybe tone it down a bit? Nope, he does fucking nothing. Renji keeps trying to hit her, with a grin on his face, and later on even chokes her. It's not until Uryu, who's a freaking Quincy, steps in that the whole aggression stops.

I know people defend this with 'oh Kubo meant for them to seem as villians at the time' but I think you can't come back from trying to slash your bestie/future wife or from letting my sister be slashed to bits.

But ok, if it was just that, I'd be willing to let it slide so as long as the two apologize and Rukia gave em a 'reason you suck speech' or something similar. Well next time we see Renji he's taunting Rukia in prison. He backs out and says it's a joke later but it was still scumy of him to do that. During that same scene Rukia says she knows she'll get killed and pinnapple dumbass tells her Byakuya would intervine, but she shoots him down by saying that he'd likely just kill her himself and has never once cared for her from the moment he adopted her. Like, what? This asshat hasn't even looked her in the eye in 40 years? I know in shinigami time that's like 4 years maybe but it's still a long time to be emotionality neglected.

After his fight with Ichigo we get Renji And Rukia's backstory and instead of growing sympathetic towards him, I hated him more. So he and Rukia grow up together with some friends in the poorest place in Soul Society, and after their friends death they join the academy to get better housing and food. That's good so far, only the two are separate because Renji has more potential and Rukia is average at best. He gets new friends and keeps moving forward. Rukia was alone and stuck. Sad but ok maybe they'll make up after graduation. Nope, because the Kuchiki clan wants to adopt Rukia, remove her from the academy and now she'll live as a Noble. It's clear in that scene that Rukia does not want this, that she'll take any excuse to not accept, does Renji tell her to stay with him, or to choose what she wants? Of course not, the idiot congratulates her, makes a light-hearted joke about it and then sulks when Rukia sadly thanks him and leaves. Then he suddenly decides to stay away from Rukia for... bullshit reasons. Like I get Kubo tried to paint it as a I have to stay away so the Kuchiki won't get mad at her, but Rukia didn't ask for that, she was lonely, even more so without Renji, and he didn't even attempt to communicate with her or just check in? She obviously didn't want that and he didn't either, but no, I'm apparently supposed to be heartbroken that they were speareted. Then when he sees her again, his childhood bestie, the woman he loves, his future wife and mother of his child, what happens? He tried to slash her with a sword when she was depowered. See how his backstory made the previous scene worst. Honestly I was glad he chose to help Ichigo not let Rukia get killed but damn, it shouldn't have taken this long!

After that we get the whole Renji vs Byakuya thing. Renji goes down like a chump, assists in the final battle for a bit and that's it. No apologies for the past, or for what he did when he arrested her, or the things he said to her in prison, zero apologies from Renji Abarai. This doesn't work, especially if Kubo wanted to marry these two off by the end of the series. Renji needed to apologize directly, we needed to see it play out, not just be told he did it offscreen. This left me hating Renji for the reminder of the show. He was now more friendly and even a bit of a comic relief but his first impression muddled that for me. On the Fullbringer Arc he refused to fight Jackie because a man who hits a woman is trash but... didn't you just do that to the chick you're in love with like two years prior? Did he forget? Was that an admission of guilt or something? I dunno. It felt like a last ditch attempt from Kubo to make him more likeable but to me it fell flat. By the end I was fully disinterested in Renji, wheather he lived, died, married Rukia, Byakuya, whoever the hell, I just didn't care for him at all. It did bug me that he took Uryu's spot in the final chapter cover. Uryu deserved better than Mr hypocrite taking his limelight. Renji would've been better as one off villian, Kubo should've given his backstory to another character and have them with Rukia instead. I'll never get over the fact that this dude spent his first appearance being the most unlikeable jerk, physically assaulting the woman he loves, talking shit like a cocky dumbass, almost killing two of the main characters, and taking the girl he loved to her death; only to be married to said girl in the end, with a daughter and on best terms with the people he fucked over. I ain't a fan of him.

Byakuya it's another character who I wanted to smack against the concrete, repeatedly. First appearance? Lets his lieutenant throw his sister around like a ragdoll, almost kills an innocent human, and basically acts like everyone's beneath him? Good, I already hate him. Next time we see him, he shows no emotion towards Rukia's sentence, he's still hell-bent on stopping the human squad from rescuing her, almost lets Renji die after he loses to Ichigo (honestly I was down for Renji bitting it but c'mon this dude is your employee and you don't care if he dies? Big yikes) Keeps messing up every attempt from the others to rescue Rukia. Almost kills Renji in a fight, then goes to fight Ichigo and here's where he became irredeemable for me. During his fight with Ichigo, he says he'll beat Ichigo and then kill Rukia himself. That's when I wanted Ichigo to chop him into sashimi. You can't say something like that and expect anyone to forgive you. He loses against Ichigo and at the very least honors his word to not kill Rukia. Okay then he defends Rukia from the real baddies. Nice, I still hate him. When he's being healed he tells Rukia that he adopted her because his wife was Rukia's actual sister, and he promised he'd keep Rukia safe if he ever found her.

All throughout the flashback I only felt sympathy for Hisana. Being put in the poorest place in Rukon, having to leave your baby sister to survive, marrying a guy who you love only for his family to hate you because you're not Noble, then getting terminally ill and not being able to help your lost sibling, all of that is horrible and broke my heart. More so when you realize that Byakuya didn't keep his promise to protect Rukia because it would break the law. He can stick his laws where the sun don't shine Rukia almost got killed unfairly because of him, Ichigo and his friends would've died unfairly because of him, he doesn't deserve any forgiveness. At least the dude had the spine to apologize on screen but that still just the bare minimum. I wanted to see him make up for all the shit he caused, maybe try and help change the law so a mistake like this dosen't happen again, just something productive. Well no, he's still the same cold and unlikable jerk we first met, only now he seems to treat Rukia better. This should've been a start, not the default. When he almost died in the final arc I thought it was a fitting end, he's humbled down, he apologizes to Rukia and Renji for losing, he leaves everything in Ichigo's hands, which mirrors how he was opposing him on the first arc but it's now fully on his side, it was the best way to salvage this unlikeable prick. But no, he dosen't die. He lives and its back to the grind again. Worst of all it's how he appears during Rukia's big fight and she uses her Bankai, he's there to mansplain and sour the fight and ugh I hated that chapter. Then he says he's proud of Rukia and it's meant to be a heartwarming moment, to me however it was vomit inducing. You're proud now? Two years ago you almost killed her! You ignored her and neglected her for decades and this is supposed to be cute?! No, his pride is worth less than dirt when he treated her this badly before. Heck if he had won back at the beginning Rukia wouldn't even be there. You almost killed her two years before, and now you're proud? Miss me with that nonsense.

The ending was especially jarring for me not just because Renji got with Rukia but also because they, along with Byakuya did nothing to fix the system that almost led to Rukia's unfair death. None of them did anything and if there's one thing I would love to see if Bleach ever got a sequel,would be Ichika yelling at the three of them for their ineptitude. They let the Sokyoku get rebuilt, they didn't do a smidge to change the system even though they're two captains and a lieutenant, and still live in prefect rich peep paradise when Rukon is still as shitty as it was when Renji and Rukia lived there.

Sorry for the long answer, I just wanted to let everything out as in most discussions people are baffled by the fact that I don't like these three characters all that much. Hope this answers your question anon!

#ask #anon #anti renruki #anti renji #anti Byakuya

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