#gut health goals

[usemotion4]

Thyroid Conditions And Digestive Problems

It is low in fat and easy to digest, meaning you can use it even when you are suffering from diarrhea. To prevent digestive problems, drink half a teaspoon of turmeric juice with a glass of water. Chew small pieces of ginger after eating to keep the digestion process right. Gaffen notes that this area of the body has been the focus of increased research over the years as it's been linked to several gut and health issues. Malabsorption is poor absorption of a nutrient resulting from interference with its digestion, absorption, or both. The goal of ulcer management is to determine the cause of the ulceration and then eliminate or control it. Medication directed at the ulcer itself reduces gastric acidity, prevents further destruction of the stomach lining, and promotes ulcer healing. Immediately seek veterinary care if your dog exhibits signs of bloat; doing so can improve its chance of survival. Bloat tends to primarily affect large, deep-chested dogs. Using some over-the-counter treatments for constipation for more than 2 weeks can make your symptoms worse and may be a sign of something more serious. Functional diseases are those in which the GI tract looks normal when examined, but doesn't move properly. They are the most common problems affecting the GI tract . Constipation, irritable bowel syndrome , nausea, food poisoning, gas, bloating, GERD and diarrhea are common examples. Your digestive system is like a conveyer belt that carries food from your mouth all the way through your body until the waste is excreted. There are many different spots along the way where your system can become inflamed, injured, or blocked. Swallowing difficulty is the inability to swallow foods or liquids with ease. If your intestine becomes blocked, fluid and digested food can't pass through. Learn more about bowel obstructions and intestinal blockages here. It’s important to diagnosis and treat IBD as soon as possible. Initial tests usually include blood, urine, and fecal tests, x-rays, and an abdominal ultrasound. Specialized blood tests and tissue biopsies may also be necessary. Inflammatory bowel disease appears to affect all ages, sexes, and breeds of dogs, though it may be more common in German Shepherds, Yorkshire Terriers, and Cocker Spaniels. Some forms are more common in certain breeds, such as Soft-coated Wheaten Terriers, Basenjis, Norwegian Lundehunds, and Boxers. The average age reported for the onset of disease signs is 6 years in dogs, but it may occur in dogs less than 2 years old. For many people, these issues can be resolved fairly rapidly by taking the right digestive enzymes. In fact, in a survey I did with 2,232 people with Hashimoto’s, 78 percent said they felt better after taking digestive enzymes. The goals of treatment are to reduce diarrhea and vomiting, promote weight gain, and decrease intestinal inflammation. Modifying Probio Lite Reviews , without other treatment, may be effective in some cases. In other cases, changes in diet can enhance medical treatment, allowing for the drug dosage to be reduced or discontinued once signs improve. Glucocorticoids, drugs that are anti-inflammatory and suppress the immune system, are among the drugs most often used in the management of inflammatory bowel disease.

[hoodcellar0]

Simple Ways To Manage Digestive Problems And Gastrointestinal Complications

Note that you should make sure you are up to date with your colon cancer screening. Always follow Probio Lite Review on the laxative medicine, as well as the advice of your healthcare provider. Stomach cancer may cause symptoms similar to GI disorders. Look out for severe problems, such as bloody stool, which could be a sign of cancer or an emergency condition that requires immediate medical attention. It's best to discuss any ongoing GI issues with a doctor. Diarrhea occurs when the digestive tract pushes matter through it too quickly . This means that there is not enough time for the large intestine to adequately remove water out of the colon, which leads to increased fluid, volume, and frequency of bowel movements. There are many causes of diarrhea, some are temporary effects and some are from chronic disease. Examples include infection, medication side effects, lactose intolerance, celiac disease, irritable bowel syndrome, and inflammatory bowel disease (Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis). People with digestive disorders may experience a number of symptoms, including bloating, pain, bleeding, constipation, diarrhea, nausea, heartburn, weight changes, and trouble swallowing. Relief of distension by stomach tube or surgery may be required if the digestive tract has become obstructed, twisted, or distended with gas, fluid, or food. Any delay can cause permanent damage to your digestive system. In some cases, you may even have to opt for surgeries that involve the removal of your gallbladder, colon, or rectum. These can have a serious impact on your digestive health and further result in several other complications. If the home remedies are not effective, please seek medical attention as soon as possible. There are foods that boost digestive health, and there also are foods that can aggravate an existing condition. Select an option below for personalized health tips delivered daily. After a week or two, if symptoms haven't improved, you'll want to consult a medical professional. If these measure don't help, fiber supplements and stool softeners are another measure you can try, Dr. Elder says. However, you want to be careful with laxatives, like Senna. While laxatives will help spur your system, they shouldn't become a habit. Could be a sign of an underlying problem that requires a vet check. Also known as gastric dilation-volvulus or torsion, bloat is common in larger breeds with deep chests, such as like Akitas and great Danes. Dogs at the greatest risk are those that eat too fast, while those that eat only once daily may also be at risk. All articles on this site are intended for informational purposes only. Reiki should only be used as a supportive technique and as one part of a wellness or healing program to complement traditional and conventional care.

[cakeduck08]

How Can Reiki Help People With Digestive Disorders?

If you feel persistent symptoms, however, consult your doctor for a re-assessment of your condition. If symptoms are mild, antibiotics and a liquid diet may be sufficient, per the NIDDKD. Once symptoms clear up, you can slowly reintroduce solid foods to your diet. More serious cases may require hospitalization, and if complications occurs, such as a perforation or fistula, surgery may be required, according to the NIDDKD. Much of the time, symptoms will be due to deficiencies in the bile, or in one or more digestive enzymes. The good news is that we can supplement for all of these deficiencies and take other corrective actions . Remember that these symptoms can point to gallbladder issues, pancreatic enzyme deficiency, or other root causes (SIBO, H. pylori, low stomach acid, etc.). When a child’s ache is below the belly button, Friesen said, the most common causes are irritable bowel syndrome , constipation, colitis, or an allergic reaction. In about nine out of 10 cases, IBS or functional dyspepsia are the disorders behind the pain. Surgery might be recommended if medication doesn’t relieve inflammation or your colon develops precancerous changes. About 25 to 30 percent of ulcerative colitis patients eventually need surgery. Aloe vera may prove beneficial for patients with irritable bowel syndrome. It can alleviate constipation, bloating, and gas and may exhibit some anti-inflammatory effects. Certain foods, including coffee, chocolates, peppermint, spicy foods, citrus, alcohol, and fatty foods, increase acid reflux by loosening the valve or delaying the emptying of the stomach, or both. GERD is a very common problem causing heartburn and indigestion. Excessive acid exposure in the lower esophagus is thought to be the cause of the symptoms. A loose gastroesophageal flap valve is the suggested cause of excessive acid exposure. Therefore, when Digestyl Official Website goes wrong with your stomach, you may feel more irritated or anxious than usual, in addition to experiencing other symptoms. January is Thyroid Awareness Month, so make an appointment with an endocrinologist or gastroenterologist if you think you may have a thyroid condition. According to the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists, an estimated 27 million Americans have thyroid disease, and about 13 million cases are undiagnosed. One appointment may provide the necessary insight to alleviate your digestive problems and put you on the road to better health. Many people with liver disease suffer from lingering fatigue. This might happen because of toxins building up since your liver isn't clearing them like it should. The tests can also detect the newer strain of the virus known as CPV-2c. The fecal test, which detects viral protein, may be negative despite infection if it is done too early in the disease course. Thus, your veterinarian may need to repeat the test if the history and signs support the likely presence of the virus. Clinical disease may be triggered by stress, such as improper nutrition or boarding, and signs may be worsened by other infections of the digestive system.

[dugoutstream86]

Introduction To Digestive Disorders Of Dogs

Consuming fennel seeds can be advantageous for patients with irritable bowel syndrome with gas and bloating. Alarm symptoms such as difficulty swallowing or failure of response to treatment measures warrant further evaluation. Obesity also predisposes one to acid reflux by increasing intra-abdominal pressure. Pregnancy causes loosening of the gastroesophageal valve and increases intra-abdominal pressure. While, for many, gallstones don’t cause any symptoms, they can lead to symptoms such as pain, nausea, fever, and infection in about 25-percent of cases. As a result, these individuals need treatment, which often involves surgery to remove the gallbladder. "Prunes have a unique nutrition profile that helps alleviate constipation. Its insoluble fiber, cellulose, increases the amount of water in the stool, which ultimately adds bulk," says Gregg. "The soluble fiber helps increase stool weight as it is fermented in the colon to produce short-chain fatty acids. Increased stool bulk and increased stool weight help to remedy constipation." Department of Health and Human Services indicates that approximately 63-million Americans experience it. We talked to Gaffen, as well as several other registered dietitians and medical professionals to get their thoughts on foods that can relieve gut problems. Read on for their thoughts, and for more on healthy eating, don't miss 7 Healthiest Foods to Eat Right Now. Signs are often present over long periods and sometimes come and go. Vomiting, diarrhea, changes in appetite, and weight loss may occur. Vomiting, dark stools, and abdominal pain are often seen with ulcers and erosion of the stomach and upper portion of the small intestine. If the condition causes excessive protein loss in the feces (protein-losing enteropathy), signs include weight loss, vomiting, diarrhea, swollen abdomen, and fluid retention. Jaundice is characterized by yellowing of skin, eyes and other body parts. The presence of some essential microbes in the intestine is necessary to maintain gut health. Consuming probiotics is a good way to maintain the growth of essential microbes present in the intestine. Insomnia or lack of proper sleep can also be a symptom of an unhealthy gut. Some of the common disorders of the digestive system are as follows. Good digestion is important for overall health and well-being, and so working out why bad digestion is occurring is very important. In the case of soft vegetables, like potatoes and carrots, mashing them may also help to minimize digestive distress. Mashing them mimics chewing and gives your body less work to do in order to properly digest these foods. Thank you for your interest in writing for Animal Wellness. To make it harder for stomach acids to travel upward, you can use bed risers so that the head of the bed is 6 feet higher than the foot of the bed, per the Mayo Clinic. Reducing or completely avoiding Digestyl Reviews , carbonated beverages and late-night heavy meals can also help reduce symptoms, Dr. Elder says. Consuming ginger can be effective in reducing nausea and vomiting. It may also be beneficial for delayed emptying of the stomach and possibly difficulty swallowing due to abnormal motility of the esophagus.

[rainyfestivalsweets]

Question:

YouTube used to have motivating fitness videos.... How do I find them??

I need something to watch at work to help myself. 😩

[zyana-wyvern]

Not so randomly thinking about how I’m keeping a lot of headcanon and little quirks about my oc, otp and a certain very important npc to myself because of the fear of being judged. Funny because they’re not even that outrageous or oc, but they’re maybe slightly…different.

Also not so randomly thinking about how I say to myself that it’s fine and I’m not bothered by the fact that I’m censoring myself and I can go on like this indefinitely, when I actually am quite bothered and frustrated by it and I DEFINITELY cannot go on like this.

Is this childhood trauma? Most likely because a huge chunk of my early life was spent trying to fit in and also getting beaten down and leveled by a schooling system that was just out of the dark, Eastern European communism, with teachers who still applied the methods they’ve been taught.

The “just smile and wave” attitude cannot stay anymore and it needs to be a thing of the past. Every time I overcame it and was myself I had good things coming my way and received love.

I don’t do NY resolutions, but this might be one and it must be reflected in everything, not only blorbo and fandom things, but life lived each and every single day.

It’s hard to comprehend how after having the harrowing knowledge that life is short and fleeting, some of us still get stuck in pleasing others, or even worse, struggling to abide by imaginary rules and judgements *we* think others might have.

Out with the old…forever. Sealed and sworn.

[fullhalalalchemist]

URGENT: 🚨🚨EARN IT ACT IS BACK IN THE SENATE 🚨🚨 TUMBLR’S NSFW BAN HITTING THE ENTIRE INTERNET THIS SUMMER 2023

April 28, 2023

I’m so sorry for the long post but please please please pay attention and spread this

What is the EARN IT Act?

The EARN IT Act (s. 1207) has been roundly condemned by nearly every major LGBTQ+ advocacy and human rights organization in the country.

This is the third time the Senate has been trying to force this through, and I talked about it last year. It is a bill that claims "protects children and victims against CSAM" by creating an unelected and politically appointed national commission of law enforcement specialists to dictate "best practices" that websites all across the nation will be forced to follow. (Keep in mind, most websites in the world are created in the US, so this has global ramifications). These "best practices" would include killing encryption so that any law enforcement can scan and see every single message, dm, photo, cloud storage, data, and any website you have every so much as glanced at. Contrary to popular belief, no they actually can't already do that. These "best practices" also create new laws for "removing CSAM" online, leading to mass censorship of non-CSAM content like what happened to tumblr. Keep in mind that groups like NCOSE, an anti-LGBT hate group, will be allowed on this commission. If websites don't follow these best practices, they lose their Section 230 protections, leading to mass censorship either way.

Section 230 is foundational to modern online communications. It's the entire reason social media exists. It grants legal protection to users and websites, and says that websites aren't responsible for what users upload online unless it's criminal. Without Section 230, websites are at the mercy of whatever bullshit regulatory laws any and every US state passes. Imagine if Texas and Florida were allowed to say what you can and can't publish and access online. That is what will happen if EARN IT passes. (For context, Trump wanted to get rid of Section 230 because he knew it would lead to mass govt surveillance and censorship of minorities online.)

This is really not a drill. Anyone who makes or consume anything “adult” and LGBT online has to be prepared to fight Sen. Blumenthal’s EARN IT Act, brought back from the grave by a bipartisan consensus to destroy Section 230. If this bill passes, we’re going to see most, if not all, adult content and accounts removed from mainstream platforms. This will include anything related to LGBT content, including SFW fanfiction, for example. Youtube, Twitter, Reddit, Tiktok, Tumblr, all of them will be completely gutted of anything related to LGBT content, abortion healthcare, resources for victims of any type of abuse, etc. It is a right-wing fascists wet dream, which is why NCOSE is behind this bill and why another name for this bill is named in reference to NCOSE.

NCOSE used to be named Morality in Media, and has rebranded into an "anti-trafficking" organization. They are a hate group that has made millions off of being "against trafficking" while helping almost no victims and pushing for homophobic laws globally. They have successfully pushing the idea that any form of sexual expression, including talking about HEALTH, leads to sex trafficking. That's how SESTA passed. Their goal is to eliminate all sex, anything gay, and everything that goes against their idea of ‘God’ from the internet and hyper disney-fy and sanitize it. This is a highly coordinated attack on multiple fronts.

The EARN IT Act will lead to mass online censorship and surveillance. Platforms will be forced to scan their users’ communications and censor all sex-related content, including sex education, literally anything lgbt, transgender or non-binary education and support systems, aything related to abortion, and sex worker communication according to the ACLU. All this in the name of “protecting kids” and “fighting CSAM”, both of which the bill does nothing of the sort. In fact it makes fighting CSEM even harder.

EARN IT will open the way for politicians to define the category of “pornography" as they — or the lobbies that fund them — please. The same way that right-wing groups have successfully banned books about race and LGBT, are banning trans people from existing, all under the guise of protecting children from "grooming and exploitation", is how they will successfully censor the internet.

As long as state legislatures can tie in "fighting CSAM" to their bullshit laws, they can use EARN IT to censor and surveill whatever they want.

This is already a nightmare enough. But the bill also DESTROYS ENCRYPTION, you know, the thing protecting literally anyone or any govt entity from going into your private messages and emails and anything on your devices and spying on you.

This bill is going to finish what FOSTA/SESTA started. And that should terrify you.

Senator Blumenthal (Same guy who said ‘Facebook should ban finsta’) pushed this bill all of 2020, literally every activist (There were more than half a million signatures on this site opposing this act!) pushed hard to stop this bill. Now he brings it back, doesn’t show the text of the bill until hours later, and it’s WORSE. Instead of fixing literally anything in the bill that might actually protect kids online, Bluemnthal is hoping to fast track this and shove it through, hoping to get little media attention other than propaganda of “protecting kids” to support this shitty legislation that will harm kids. Blumental doesn't care about protecting anyone, and only wants his name in headlines.

It will make CSAM much much worse.

One of the many reasons this bill is so dangerous: It totally misunderstands how Section 230 works, and in doing so (as with FOSTA) it is likely to make the very real problem of CSAM worse, not better. Section 230 gives companies the flexibility to try different approaches to dealing with various content moderation challenges. It allows for greater and greater experimentation and adjustments as they learn what works – without fear of liability for any “failure.” Removing Section 230 protections does the opposite. It says if you do anything, you may face crippling legal liability. This actually makes companies less willing to do anything that involves trying to seek out, take down, and report CSAM because of the greatly increased liability that comes with admitting that there is CSAM on your platform to search for and deal with. This liability would allow anyone for any reason to sue any platform they want, suing smaller ones out of existence. Look at what is happening right now with book bans across the nation with far right groups. This is going to happen to the internet if this bill passes.

(Remember, the state department released a report in December 2021 recommending that the government crack down on “obscenity” as hard the Reagan Administration did. If this bill passes, it could easily go way beyond shit red states are currently trying. It is a goldmine for the fascist right that is currently in the middle of banning every book that talks about race and sexuality across the US.)

The reason these bills keep showing up is because there is this false lie spread by organizations like NCOSE that platforms do nothing about CSEM online. However, platforms are already liable for child sexual exploitation under federal law. Tech companies sent more than 45 million+ instances of CSAM to the DOJ in 2019 alone, most of which they declined to investigate. This shows that platforms are actually doing everything in their power already to stop CSEM by following already existing laws. The Earn It Act includes zero resources for proven investigation or prevention programs. If Senator Bluementhal actually cared about protecting youth, why wouldn’t he include anything to actually protect them in his shitty horrible bill? EARN IT is actually likely to make prosecuting child molesters more difficult since evidence collected this way likely violates the Fourth Amendment and would be inadmissible in court.

I don’t know why so many Senators are eager to cosponsor the “make child pornography worse” bill, but here we are.

HOW TO FIGHT BACK

EARN IT Act was introduced just two weeks ago and is already being fast-tracked. It will be marked up the week of May 1st and head to the Senate floor immediately after. If there is no loud and consistent opposition, it will be law by JUNE! Most bills never go to markup, so this means they are putting pressure to move this through. There are already 20 co-sponsors, a fifth of the entire Senate. This is an uphill battle and it is very much all hands on deck.

CALL YOUR REPRESENTATIVES.

This website takes you to your Senator / House members contact info. EMAIL, MESSAGE, SEND LETTERS, CALL CALL CALL CALL CALL. Calling is the BEST way to get a message through. Get your family and friends to send calls too. This is literally the end of free speech online.

(202) 224-3121 connects you to the congressional hotline. Here is a call script if you don't know what to say. Call them every day. Even on the weekends, leaving voicemails are fine.

2. Sign these petitions!

Link to Petition 1

Link to Petition 2

3. SPREAD THE WORD ONLINE

If you have any social media, spread this online. One of the best ways we fought back against this last year was MASSIVE spread online. Tiktok, reddit, twitter, discord, whatever means you have at least mention it. We could see most social media die out by this fall if we don't fight back.

Here is a linktree with more information on this bill including a masterpost of articles, the links to petitions, and the call script.

DISCORD LINK IF YOU WANT TO HELP FIGHT IT

TLDR: The EARN IT Act will lead to online censorship of any and all adult & lgbt content across the entire internet, open the floodgates to mass surveillance the likes which we haven’t seen before, lead to much more CSEM being distributed online, and destroy encryption. Call 202-224-3121 to connect to your house and senate representative and tell them to VOTE NO on this bill that does not protect anyone and harms everyone.

[alison789]

The Ultimate Keto Meal Plan

IF YOU WANT TO LOSE YOUR WEIGHT MAGICALLY THEN USE THIS KETO RECEPIE

GO THERE    https://www.digistore24.com/redir/283755/ALISON1857/

[soniyasingh88]

The Role of Gut Microbiome in Weight Management

Grasping the Stomach Microbiome Prior to digging into the connection between the stomach microbiome and weight the board, it is fundamental to understand what the stomach microbiome really is. The stomach microbiome alludes to the huge local area of microorganisms, including microscopic organisms, parasites, and infections, that live in the gastrointestinal parcel. These microorganisms assume a pivotal part in different stomach related processes, supplement retention, and the upkeep of in general stomach wellbeing.

Know more

[audrinawf]

Just wanted to let u guys know that I had the most intense heartburn of my life last Thursday, my jaw was hurting, my neck, ears, throat even my BACK and of course my heart and ribs I thought I was dying of a heart attack. My mother and father in law are doctors so I’m glad I didn’t have to spend the night at the ER. I got prescribed with a PPI for now.

The worst part was that I couldn’t lay down cause the acid from my stomach would travel to my throat. I did not sleep for several days. Eating and drinking felt like a knife to my ribs.

Anyways the crazy thing about this is that I started having heart burn this year but what I’ve learned is that heartburn is only one symptom of acid reflux and that I’ve been a “silent” refluxer for years.

Sore throat, hoarseness, runny nose and so much more, all of these things which I didn’t understand why was because of acid reflux.

So I read the book Dropping Acid and realized that so much of the food I was eating was so acidic that it caused my acid reflux. I’m currently on an 2 week alkaline diet which sucks cause I love high fat and acidic foods such as butter, spicy foods, chocolate and etc and alkaline is basically the opposite of my taste bud. I also prefer to eat 1-2 times a day instead of 5-6 times a day but the diet is only for 2 weeks. The only good thing is that the acid in my stomach leaves me unable to feel any hunger or thirst so eating so little is alright,…for now.

So my alkaline diet is going to consist of foods that have a ph level of 5 and above just cause my symptoms were so severe so I plan to eat oven cooked sweet potatoes and chicken, oatmeal with honey, saltine crackers and for fruits I’m only eating melons and maybe apple. I know it’s super depressing but I didn’t eat anything for 2 days so eating unseasoned chicken and potatoes feels like a luxury.

I do plan on eating butter and chocolate once I’ve healed my gut but I’ve decided that I’m actually quitting all soda, energy drinks, coffee and protein shakes once I’m healed cause I know that those were my biggest triggers. I know the protein shake part is hard but I just have to spend more time meal prepping and cooking actual meat instead of eating those toxic protein bars.

[enbyenvy666]

i just can't

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

based on something i discovered about myself recently 🤭

CONTENT WARNINGS - 18+ MDNI, gn!reader x various, vibrator, reader takes medication (brief implication of poor mental health), reader has trouble coming, no beta we die like men w/c - 0.4k

“I told you, I can’t cum.”

It felt like it was the umpteenth you had to repeat yourself. You loved your partner, you truly did, and you knew he was coming from a good place when he asked you if you finished. He just wanted you to feel as good as you made him, but you couldn’t through no fault of your own. It was a medication you had taken for years, one of the side effects being the inability to orgasm. Sure, it was frustrating at times but it was a necessary evil in exchange for better mental health.

“Are you sure?” He would ask again, already reaching down to touch between your thighs. 

“Yes, I’m sure,” you would always respond, silencing his next argument with a kiss. “You still made me feel amazing baby.”

It was always sweet of him to try, you had rubbed yourself raw many times before, but it was all in vain. That was until he came home and proudly presented a vibrator. It was shaped like a long bullet and hot pink in colour, by twisting the bottom of it the vibrations became stronger, and despite its simplistic design, the way it strongly buzzed in your hand had you impressed. 

Eager to use it, he quickly had you on the bed, naked and moaning. The stretch of his cock had a familiar feeling burning inside you, but you never wanted him to stop. He almost got lost in the moment, fucking into your tight hole and savouring your sweet whimpers made him forget his goal. On the lowest setting, he ran the vibrator over your nipples, giving you a taste of what was to come—down your belly and between your thighs, touching it to every sensitive spot on your sex.

Every jolt of pleasure the toy sent through you had your back arching, tightening around his fat cock still thrusting inside your slick hole. Feeling you squeeze him particularly tight, he held the vibrator on that bundle of nerves that had you breathless, nails clawing down his back. Before you even realised what had happened, you were crying his name as your body tensed and legs shook, feeling as if something in your core snapped and released, your body now sticky with your cum.

His hips stilled, still balls deep inside your guts, and drew the vibrator away, staring down at you with wide eyes. Your eyes were equally as wide, panting to catch your breath. His lips stretched into a smirk, keeping his eyes locked with yours and he turned the vibrator up, bringing it back between your legs. 

It was time to make up for all those years. 

𓍊𓋼𓆏𓋼𓍊 Katsuki Bakugo, Eijiro Kirishima, Izuku Midoriya, Dabi, Hawks, Shota Aizawa, Shoto Todoroki, Lucifer (OM), Satan (OM), Mammon (OM), Solomon (OM), Diavolo (OM), Lucifer Morningstar (HH), Asmodeus (HB)

[queenofcoquette]

how to be ‘that girl’ at school

hey loves! i want to talk about being that girl. what it means to be her and how you can be your best self while at school! im gonna give some academic tips, tips on putting out good energy, looking and feeling your best, etc!

how to prepare:

write down your goals for this school year and some things you want to do. since im going to a new school i’ve been thinking about how im going to introduce myself and things like that.

what are your academic goals?

what do you want to do differently this year?

what new thing can you try this year?

what can you improve on this year?

once you know the changes you want to make you need to think about how you’re going to implement these.

academic:

make to-do lists. always keep a calendar and a list of assignments to do, tests to study for, etc. stay up to date with what you need to do.

take notes while in class. always take notes, especially in math and science. in math i always write down formulas and things like that.

do practice outside of school (i use khan academy for math practice, quizlet and quizizz for memorizing for science)

get your work done right when it’s assigned. work on beating procrastination. keep to-do lists and when you have free-time just get your work out of the way.

energy:

take good care of yourself.

be observant. the people you surround yourself with not only subconsciously effect your behavior and your speech habits, but it can also effect whether or not you get into drama. to put it simply- observe how ppl act and if u get the sense that someone’s fake or dramatic, be cautious.

stay out of drama. this is a big one- don’t get involved. don’t tell gossipy ppl how you feel about things, don’t get in the middle of things you don’t need to. put your energy towards academics, sports, hobbies and real friends. i always listen to drama but never comment on it.

if you have a problem with someone- have a private conversation. a big thing is when you have a problem with someone try just talking to them about it, there’s always a chance that they’ll change. maybe they don’t know how they come across. always do that before gossiping.

appearance:

prioritize being healthy on the inside. always work on how you’re eating, drinking enough water, etc. work on your gut health, staying active and taking care of your body. when you do that you immediately look and feel better, because your body is working at it’s best!

just have good hygeine and be clean. so many ppl at school have poor hygeine and its just- disgusting. STAY CLEAN! brush and floss your teeth, wear deodorant, shower, take care of your skin and hair. 

have a good fragrance. this is just a fun one but having a good scent always attracts people. at school i used to get told i smelt really nice and ppl noticed that. (i also shave my arms and legs all the time and wear a ton of lotion so i got known for having “barbie arms”)

wear whatevers comfortable and what YOU like. wear what feels good and what you’re comfortable with. school’s not a fashion show so if you don’t want to dress up you don’t have to, but it’s nice to put a little bit of effort into your look, making sure you look clean and just orderly. im probably picky about this cuz i went to a military school but it’s good to just look a little proper.

overall:

just define what being that girl means to you. for me it’s being my best- being healthy, active, getting good grades and just being kind. find who you want to be and work towards that. remember, progress isn’t linear, and learn from your mistakes. im sure this school year we’ll all learn so many lessons and grow a ton as people! always be open minded to change and observe. you’re already that girl, you just need to take care of yourself and have good habits.

[rainyfestivalsweets]

249.

I hit 249. 2 days in a row.

HOLY SHIT!

It has been at least a decade since I have been this weight!

Suddenly all my shirts seem too big.

Pulled out my summer clothes... I am fitting into size 18s and 20s.

Holy shit ya'll

I am fucking doing it!!

Holy shit sholy it. Holy shit Holy shit sholy it.

[saltpepperbeard]

The Captain’s Quarters were gutted. Expected—deserved, even. So when Stede was walking around, he wasn’t mourning anything lost. Rather, he looked for things that could be patched, any remaining bit of memory that could be nursed back to health.

That was his ultimate goal, after all.

Knives were slowly pulled from various places. Scattered bottles and glass were dutifully picked up. Red paint—at least, he hoped it was red paint—was cleaned.

And when he walked into a nearly-empty aux closet…

“I deserved that,” he murmured to himself. But then he stopped.

Nearly. Nearly-empty closet; there was something that caught his eye, tucked way back into one of the far corners. He furrowed his brow, walking closer, wondering just what remained.

And upon reaching it, he realized it was one of his own robes. Lucky enough to escape the onslaught, perhaps? No, it seemed…deliberately folded, deliberately kept. Who else would have done so other than…

Stede felt something in his heart flutter.

I think of you…often. Hope you’re thinking of me, as well.

It seemed, somehow, that he had been. And Stede couldn’t help but smile.

[novlr]

Do you have tips on writing a character who hasn't eaten in a while?

Hunger is more than a mere rumble in the belly; it is a powerful human experience that intertwines emotion with the physical, influencing a character’s actions and shaping their decisions. Whether it is the gnawing emptiness of a missed meal or the desperate ache of long-term deprivation, hunger can be a compelling force in storytelling.

Behaviour

Persistent thoughts of food

Increased irritability or lack of focus

Hoarding behaviours

Overprotective around food

Frequently visit places where food can be obtained

Partake in activities that distract from hunger

Eager to accept food-related invitations or tasks

Unusually willing to consume foods they normally wouldn’t

A gradual decline in energy or enthusiasm

Show obsessive behaviours

Interactions

Easily agitated in social situations

Conversations frequently divert back to topics of food

Bartering or trading items of value for food

Impatient when waiting for food in group settings

Feel shame or embarrassment when their hunger is noticed

Increased generosity when they have food, knowing what it’s like to be without

Reluctance to share food or an obsession with equal portions

Withdraw from social interactions to avoid exposing their hunger

Probe others for information about potential food sources

Relationships could be strained or strengthened through the sharing or withholding of food

Body language

Slumped or listless posture due to low energy

Stomach clutching or other physical manifestations of hunger

Fidgety, restless movements or a loss of coordination

Fixation with watching others eat or staring at food

Slow, lethargic response to stimuli unrelated to food

Exhibit rapid eating behaviours when food is available

Frequently licking lips in anticipation of eating

Increased response to food-related stimuli, like smelling food from afar

Distracted gaze, as if looking for food opportunities

Display physical signs of malnutrition, such as physical weakness, hair loss or sallow skin

Attitude

Pessimistic or short-tempered

Single-mindedness focus that prioritises food

Impolite or a lack of social graces

Increased risk-taking behaviour through desperation

Manipulative

Fluctuating moods

Sense of hopelessness

Heightened sense of gratitude for any food received

A less discerning perspective on what is considered ‘edible’

Reevaluating personal values and priorities

Positive story outcomes

Lead to resourcefulness and problem-solving skills

Strengthening of relationships through shared experiences of scarcity

Hunger may catalyse a character’s personal growth or shift in perspective

Lead to communities coming together to support each other

Characters might discover new talents or skills in their quest to find food

Act as a motivator for a character to overcome obstacles

May lead to intense moments of satisfaction or relief when resolved

Build an appreciation for the simple things in life, including basic sustenance

Show how hunger can become a catalyst for social or political change.

Can be the driving force behind a character’s ultimate success story.

Negative story outcomes

Chronic hunger can lead to physical and mental health decline

May push characters to commit acts they would normally consider immoral

Show the breakdown of social order or relationships

Result in a character’s loss of dignity or self-respect

Can have a debilitating effect on a character’s ability to achieve their goals

Character development might take a dark turn, showing a descent into obsession or madness

Tragic endings, such as starvation or conflict over resources

Expose societal inequities and drive wedges between groups

Illustrate the loss of innocence, as characters are forced to confront harsh realities

An insurmountable barrier, leading to unfulfilled potential or unfinished journeys

Helpful adjectives

Ravenous

Starving

Famished

Hollow-stomached

Craving

Unfulfilled

Pining

Empty

Desperate

Gut-wrenching

Aching

Parched

Gaunt

Gnawing

Consuming emptiness

Insatiable

Malnourished

[punksocks]

Warning Signs That You May Have A Toxic/Karmic Significant Other

Hey everyone, you may have seen my recent post about breaking up with my ex partner after 5.5 years. If not, I’ve been deep in reflection after ending this relationship. My reasons for ending it were that he refused to seek professional help to manage his anger which would come out in constant outbursts of violence (not physical ab*se but hitting walls, kicking furniture, scarring my dog, etc) and his mental health in general. After breaking things off I analyzed our relationship and all the red flags became crystal clear in hindsight. This blog is not only my emotional space to reflect, but also a place to give out advice to make sure you guys feel less alone in the world. So I’ve compiled a list of behaviors that made it clear that in hindsight the relationship was destine to be toxic and could not continue. It’s important to take lessons from painful experiences in order to continue to grow, and that’s what I hope I can help with by sharing my experiences here:

(TW Manipulation, Distressing Themes, Emotional Ab*se)

- They hate your intuition: (they work to make you doubt whatever means you have of self guidance. Whether that’s tarot/astrology, or spirituality in general, or therapy, or your simple gut feelings/reactions to things. They hate them because they know that they’ll be singled out at some point by them so they work to make you not believe in yourself through manipulation/gaslighting. My ex would constantly say the tarot is going to tell me to break up with him, but he never really changed he’d just belittle it and say I was getting weird about spirituality and he’d try to make me doubt myself or choose between the tarot and him. When I asked him to go to therapy he would also say that he was worried the therapist would tell him to break up with me-implying I was the problem. When I would ask him to go anyway he would find a way to avoid it- saying it’s too expensive, too hard to find, he doesn’t have time, etc)

-They constant give you advice that puts you in harm’s way: (My ex always told me I was too quick to cut off people that threw me under the bus and that I was paranoid. When I found out my former business partner was being shady and stealing from me, he told me to keep working with her. I said I had to take things over. He said I had no chance of covering the expenses on my own and that he wasn’t going to help me at all even though he was working a consistent 9-5. I rationalized this as putting too much pressure on him to support me through my apprenticeship over the previous few months, even though by the time we were having this discussion I had picked up a seasonal 9-5 to compensate for starting the business. I still felt guilty because I was asking him to cover the rent at home while I built this business up. I ended up wracking up debt over trying to cover everything myself and he was telling me I was going to fail every step of the way. When I didn’t fail and the business remained open over a year later, he said he had always believed in me every step of the way.)

- They rewrite history (that’s the other thing- when I broke up with him he said it was his idea to open the studio in the first place. This was a lie. A bold one at that. At the time I would have had to become self taught due to dealing with several egotistical mentors (wow thematic) and I looked for positions in other studios and there were none. My ex told me I should “pause” my goals. I told him I’ll open up my own space with another artist. He had a long talking down to me about how we couldn’t afford any of that, and how impossible it was, etc. But I went through with it anyway, effectively doing all the work on my own. He constantly told me what I was doing was crazy. But I made success out of it, thank God. Now my ex is trying to take credit for the whole thing as if I don’t remember what happened. Audacious.)

- Instead of having their own dreams they focus on wearing yours down (I have so many big dreams I want to accomplish and every other idea I shared with my ex was pushed back on or breadcrumbed. I wanted to live abroad, he’d say it’s too expensive but maybe he could find a way to make it work if I stopped putting so much pressure on him. I took over my own business, he told me I shouldn’t do it and should quit while I’m ahead. He would always try to counter every idea I had with a “logical reason” of why it wouldn’t work. He would try to control me by doubting me and in turn trying to get me to doubt myself. I never actually listened to him in hindsight, and when I pushed through successfully he would pretend to have been on my side the whole time.)

-They always compare you to their exes, in bold ways (My ex would always go out of his way to bring up his past relationships. The examples and instances were never appropriate. But one of the first worst early examples was when we were at a show. My friend’s band was playing. In the middle of the set he decided to look up his ex on social media. I was clearly uncomfortable but he continued. Then when we’re talking he brought up a nickname she used to call him that was inappropriate. When I was upset by this he threw a shirt (merch gifted to him by my friend’s band) in the booth almost hitting me with it and he stormed off. He made himself seem like the victim in a situation where he was trying to bait me into starting a public argument and yet made me soothe him afterward.)

- The betrayal of not ever being believed (early on this was another giant red flag in hindsight. I’m black and I tried to explain colorism to him, while I was having a bad experience with it. He’s white and should have been listening and understanding with open ears. Instead he tried to argue me down for being “mean” to light skinned black people. In the experience I was talking about how a mixed femme at work established a boundary with our white bosses to try to avoid racist harm. They let the femme do this without any pushback. I tried to establish the same boundary in the same meeting and those white bosses accused me of actively refusing to do my job. I told my ex this was colorist and that’s when he argued with me about this. He didn’t believe my experiences until he googled “the right articles”. When I brought this up in the future he would say he was just trying to see all black people as equal. It was a pretty disgusting defense.)

- Throwing insults in your face about past trauma (I told my ex about how emotionally abusive my mother was (wow there’s that pattern again) and he would throw this in my face and blame me or compare me to her at the slightest provocation in several arguments. When I was disrespected at work, he would blame me for misinterpreting things. Complaining about how I used him for money whenever I had asked him for help managing the business’ expenses. And so many deep cuts of things he should never said to me and names he shouldn’t have called me if he ever cared about me. He always wrote it off as me misremembering or him meaning it as something else or a distraction tactic of whataboutism -‘what about when you complained that I left dirty clothes on the floor?’ For example. All ways he tried to manipulate me from seeing this pattern of messed up behavior. Every argument he would make us talk in circles until I would have to give up from frustration and exhaustion.)

-They’re full of hot air, and if they seem like they aren’t they’re probably mirroring you (when I broke up with him I stopped hanging out with him pretty much immediately. Although I had to coordinate moving out still, I started keeping my head down to focus on my work. Essentially I had already moved on. I thought we had had deep discussions about the world and life but when I had less to say he had nothing to add. He would just keep filling up the air with anecdotes about nothing and commentary on anything just to keep crossing my boundaries and to try to force me to pay attention to him when it was clear I neither interested or comfortable doing so.)

- They try to force you to become as cynical and jaded as they are (I was never antagonistic per se, but when we were together I had unconsciously started looking/preparing for the worst in every scenario and every person I’d meet. Because of my ex’s toxic influence. Getting along with coworkers? They must be just “kissing up to you” according to him. Like that tv show most people are fond of? No way that has to be trash. Want to try something new? No there can’t be anything good about that. He was a very stuck person that refused to find the joy in almost anything. Unless it was too impressive to ignore —but even then he had to nitpick it apart. I would wonder why his compliments would feel so hollow- it was because he really had trouble seeing the good in anything. Like a day or two after we broke up I was already feeling lighter and more optimistic. When people were kind to me I embraced it easier and in turn every aspect of life got a little brighter. The contempt for others was palatable. Because he expected everyone to be ready to undercut him like he was ready to do to them.)

- Before you know it, they’ll have you romanticizing breadcrumbing behavior (I asked my ex to get on meds for his mental health and to find a therapist so many times over the course of 5 years. 4-5 months before I broke up with him he got on medication. Then after a peace period of a month or so, we were back in a cycle of petty arguments and he was saying the meds don’t work. He didn’t even try to go to therapy until I broke up with him. he got an appointment the next day because he “was trying to win me back” Essentially, he’d never work on himself or actually actively improve things. He’d always make one or two half steps to placate me then complain about how it was too hard and completely impossible to put the work in. Even with the therapy example, he wanted to display that he could make progress in order to win me back. Don’t worry, I had seen this tactic before and knew he would just fall back into toxicity. So, it didn’t work.)

- When you do leave they get cocky about how you’ll have nowhere to go (I leaned on my ex to support me when I became overwhelmed by figuring out my business on my own. I worked several temp jobs in addition to the business but it was stretching me thin. So I needed his help several times and only had so much saved up by the time I broke up with him. After begging me to take him back the entire night and pretending to be supportive, the next day he was scoffing and boasting about how “[he] didn’t even know what [I] was going to do.” He did this over everything from buying my own detergent-even though I always bought the detergent- to managing my bills on my own-even though I usually managed most of my bills on my own- until I finally was able to move out and leave him behind.)

- They never defend you and always make it seem like it’s your fault if you get attacked (My ex was always siding with abusive people and gaslighting me when I noticed that behavior. As many of you may know, my mom was a terror throughout my childhood. I confided in my ex about how much of an impact this had had on me. Before I went no contact with her we all got dinner when she came in town to see me. Despite all my warnings and preemptive begging to be supported through the difficulty of meeting with her my ex threw me under the bus immediately. He laughed at her jokes at my expense and didn’t stop her at all from singling me out. I shutdown in this moment and began to draw to cope- I’m neurodivergent so that’s one of the things I default to doing when I’m overwhelmed. They continued to make fun of me together and when I asked him why he didn’t have my back afterward, he blamed me for “not being friendly enough” and “not interacting with [my] mom enough”. This pattern of doubting and failing to help me would continue through our entire relationship.)

- They’ll have -self aware- moments that aren’t quite what they seem (I truly cannot count the number of times my ex would start an argument just to talk me in circles then try to get me to believe I was in the wrong too. It was truly maddening. He would always push to say he “understood” how we had gotten there. Then ramble on and on and on saying that I was attacking him and he was the victim of things. I asked him to do the dishes? I’m “criticizing [his] housework and putting too much pressure on [him]”. I ask him not to throw things when he’s upset? I’m “overly criticizing [him] and making [him] so anxious he can’t help but hit things”. And on and on and on it went. He would always tidy it up by saying he forgave me because we were “both wrong” and he just “would try to be better next time and [I] should too”.)

-They have underlying personality issues that need to be addressed (and when you bring a hint of these up, they lash out about how you’re attacking them and they throw personal attacks back at you because of their fragile ego. If you -somehow- get them to see a mental health professional you may find them lying about what feedback they got. After I broke up with him he said he’d go to anger management class and find a therapist “to win me back”- funny how it’s after you leave them and set the ultimate boundary they do the work to show you they can hypothetically change and it’s never one of the times you’ve begged before in the midst of madness. Before I moved out I overheard his therapy appointment and she asked about his bipolar diagnosis and he said he was just anxious despite the mood swings. When he came to me to tell me the good news of him finally going to therapy he left that out. When I asked if the therapist knew if he had another disorder he manipulated that. He said the therapist asked if it could be anything else but it was just a brief thought. He framed it that way instead of the consistent behavioral issue it was.)

- Usually they attract drama and chaos but blame you for it as their partner (He always kept his ex around in boundary crossing ways. In hindsight I wouldn’t be surprised if he had cheated in any way with any of them because of how murky he was about spending one on one time with them. They also will always encourage you to keep other toxic people in your life so they can keep flying under the radar/blaming the other toxic people when you feel drained/etc. When I decided to go no contact with my parents, he second guessed me. When I decided to go no contact with my friends that were harmful, he second guessed me. He went out of his way to call me paranoid and picky and every other name in the book he could. Even after I broke up with him he went out of his way to tell me I was paranoid and should quit tarot reading “because [he] knew it would turn [me] against [him] one day”. I told him his opinion meant less than nothing to me.)

- Whenever you set a boundary they try to undermine it and take it as an attack (When we met, all of my ex’s small circle of friends was made up of people he had dated or slept with. Once his friend, who had flirted with him multiple times, asked to stay in his apartment while she moved out of her place. He offered her his bed. She even had a boyfriend at the time but she went to my ex first. I told him this made me very uncomfortable. He screamed and yelled about how he’ll always choose his friends first and I have to understand that and that she didn’t want to sleep in his bed while he was in it. It was crazy but the whole time he called me dramatic and made me feel insane for being so uncomfortable with it.)

- They may often act out in public over the littlest things (my ex would get absolutely infuriated when there were lines in places. Insane right? Especially living in cities? with other people? And yet whenever we went out I’d have to prepare my mental for the possibility of him getting angry and breaking down because people were waiting ahead of him in line. In hindsight the entitlement he had was overwhelming in itself. The last time we went out to a movie -which was a whole scheduling fiasco in of itself with him during our entire relationship, he was obsessed with movies. I like movies but spending 6-9 hours in a theater? Every week? On top of hours of mandatory movie viewing at home? It was exhausting. He also made me pay for my own monthly movie pass even though it was his thing. Even in covid, although I’m immunocompromised I had to negotiate with him to wait to get vaccinated before he went back to the theater. And to wear a mask in the showings. He would huff and fuss about those small courtesies the entire time. Anyway the last movie we went out to see had a long line but we bought tickets ahead of time. He pitched a fit and kept storming off away from me and threatening to leave over the line. I kept following him foolishly, and coaxed him into staying. Of course there were enough seats and of course he enjoyed the movie. He apologized after for “getting overwhelmed by the line” but that shouldn’t have happened in the first place.)

- It’s all or nothing for them but breadcrumbs for you (I’ve always been clear that I have no plans of staying in the country I’m from. From the start I’ve understood I’m not meant to stay here. And yet I stayed in a city I hated so he could suddenly finish his associates degree. We moved back to my hometown but we lived in the most stressful neighborhood because he “wanted to be downtown with a pool.” He would always complain about every single idea I had to leave the country. I’m thinking about doing a language school or artist residency? He “did long distance with [his] ex who cheated and it would be too hard”. I want to study this language and go to this -easy-place for a visa? He “kept forgetting to study and had no idea how we would ever afford the move.” And on and on it went until I simply gave up on trying to get him to step up.)

- They twist everything to be about them even grief (my grandma was like a mother to me, so it hit me hard when she died. She even told me she was going and thanked me for my friendship at the end. It was still a very difficult period and I couldn’t accept it until it just happened. When I got the call and burst into tears my ex said “I’m so sorry… do you blame me because we stayed here for me to go to school and you couldn’t be home with her?” It hadn’t even been 20 minutes since I learned she was gone. The extent of his selfishness would shock me until I cut him off.)

- They make you bury things they don’t like about your self expression/goals (I’ll use a simple example. I love fairy lights. When we met I had fairy lights and my ex had no complaints. But when we moved in together they ‘would always bother him and give him headaches’. So I took out the lights. Then he got me a glowing lamp I wanted for my birthday but never allowed me to turn it on when we were in the room. I brought the lights I love to my work and my ex would complain about them there too. He’d say he didn’t know why he “just didn’t like spending time at the studio” and then use the lights as an excuse, and then hed complain all day about how exhausting it was to be there. He’d only offer to come to the studio more if I turned them off just for him. All this time later and all of a sudden I don’t have any lights I like up. This didn’t happen for everything, but there were a lot of little things he was so controlling about just to be authoritative about something I liked.)

- They hate it when you have positive things happen to you (and instead of seeing your success as a good thing they see it as you one upping them, so they often express jealousy and then disguise it as a joke. He would “joke” about how I was going to fail so often I lost count. When I had a great day there would always be a hint of disappointment in his voice. He would always undermine it in anyway he could. “Oh you made X amount that’s nice, but that’s not enough to cover the rent”. I got a lot of compliments on my outfits, so he’d say “no one ever compliments me”. Always something to bring me down and try to get me to focus on a worry.)

- They downplay your trauma (I’m a burn survivor. My dad burned me through hot water and neglect as a baby on around 20% of my body. For that and many other reasons I became sort of a local legend for my time in our local child protective services. In a city of well over a million people. Doctors thought I wouldn’t be able to walk again and it was a miracle when I did. My grandmother had to wrap my scars everyday, twice a day for 3-4 years afterwards. She would tell me the pain would make me cry random throughout the night until I went to kindergarten. All that to say, my scars had a BIG impact on my health and my life. When I told my ex about my insecurity he said “sorry that happened, but it’s not that big of a deal.” Crazily at 21 I took that as flattery. It was not, it was severely downplaying the trauma I went through because my ex didn’t care for that part of my life. I even remember thinking I should tag a post as a burn survivor and he said “isn’t that like advertising your burns, why warn people about it?”. I got better and embraced my scars all through my own healing but damn it was all severely fucked up.)

- They usually have a Fatal Flaw they try to make you contend with (My ex had explosive anger where he would hit something (a wall, the couch, his desk, etc) or throw things at any slight provocations, and he would disguise it as a reaction of low self esteem instead. I didn’t realize how bad the conditioning had got until I broke up with him and I wasn’t getting jumpy from him coming home anymore or my dog wasn’t hiding from him anymore. I was walking on eggshells all the time and I only knew it subconsciously. He would also curse at me and call me the meanest names from the smallest arguments, he would get belittling. It’s their signature style to make you feel small and to desensitize you to truly nightmarish behavior.)

- That’s the other thing- most people and sometimes animals can tell they’re off (I would always wonder why my ex never seemed to make a good impression on others. They could tell he was off from the start.)

- They start trying to love bomb you after you give up or when they sense you are finally giving up (I always asked my ex to pay more attention to my business/endeavors/art/etc when we were together, to respond to texts I sent him at work-within reason-, to give me some support or feedback. His replies were always blasé. “That’s nice.” Or “I will.” As soon as I broke up with him. He was complaining that he always missed texting me at work. Then he started getting more involved on my social media pages. Then for the first time in months he watched my story on Instagram completely unwelcomed and unprompted. It was how fake the performance of interest was that really struck me after everything.)

- They always ask for one more chance when you’ve given them at least a hundred chances (Evem when I broke up with him he kept saying “you cut off other people (for being toxic) but I never thought it would be me!” I feel like I’ve already put plenty of examples of this, so I’ll just say this points to the fact that at their base motivation they don’t really respect you or care about you. If someone actually cares about you, they’re going to go out of their way to make you comfortable, to care about your opinions and feedback, from the very start)

- Even when it’s over, they still always try to blame you for their bad behavior. (My ex painted himself as an introvert when he was in a relationship. I had always asked him to make -newer, healthier- friends and to make a social effort. Since the beginning. After we broke up he made an effort to go out to social events. After he went out one day he came back and said “I was such a girlfriend guy, I never went out and socialized!” In turn I said you’re not a girlfriend guy you never cared about what I had to say, if you were a girlfriend guy I wouldn’t have had to break up with you for literally never taking me into account. So that ended that.)

- When it’s over the relief hits you in waves (I didn’t even realize how much I was doing to cope with the hostility and boredom of the relationship until it was over. I stopped overeating, I actually lost my appetite for days. I went from taking edibles every week to not even craving the ones I had. I wasn’t the most indulgent but I was shocked by how immediately I was fine with going cold turkey. My time with myself became even more peaceful. Even before I moved out, I was more creative and productive. I felt the beauty and the optimism of all the little moments deep in my spirit and my glow was brighter than ever before. My ex kept turning to me in despair and asking “how can you be so okay with this??” I answered him indifferently because he wasn’t worth entertaining. But obviously my spirit had been restored, I wasn’t wasting love on anyone that didn’t deserve it anymore. My energy was finally all mine. And I had faith in God that everything would be alright. And it was.)

You slowly but surely realize that you were formed to be a victim of a narcissistic/antagonistic person due to being raised by narcissistic parents and in an environment full of enabling emotionally and verbally abusive behavior. When we met I was so vulnerable. I had moved to a new city on my own, I was in a financially precarious place. The city was The Worst for Black people (tm). I was so desperate for an ally, I caught an energy vampire instead. I’ve healed and learned a lot from this. To be much more deliberate about who I let into my life. To be unafraid of purging and moving on when someone shows you they’re incapable of growth. To not accept crumbs of affection and appreciation. To pour my love into myself first before I let anyone else do the same. So I write all this to say, it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault that some people are so corrupted to the core that they’d rather destroy you than heal themselves. So… forgive yourself for this experience. Forgive yourself for being a person that just loves and cares about others. That believes in cultivating a world full of warmth and compassion. Don’t let one (or a dozen- ugh the people I’ve had to move on from oml) toxic ass person ruin you and your compassion. I had to forgive myself for believing in a lot of disappointing, inept, bad people. But I won’t stop being kind and compassionate because of those losers. I’ll continue to shine my light on those who need it whenever I’m supposed to. I mean I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to rely on anyone again without fear of their self interest but one step at a time, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Anyway, wish me luck on this fresh start. Buy a reading if you want to support me. But yeah, thanks for reading y’all.