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#hard heals only.
automatayaoi · 2 years
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Absolutely shaking please for the love of god don’t do end game content if you don’t understand your class
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inkskinned · 1 year
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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thepeacefulgarden · 2 months
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bonyato · 1 year
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꒰♥️꒱» Funny Poor Boy eat a Pepsi Funny Cola.
Extracted from this specific moment from one of WayneRadioTV'S Chulip streams bc it lives in my head rent-free.
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zelkam · 1 year
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— the untamed (2019), episode 32
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ed-recoverry · 3 months
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Shoutout to people with trauma that is uncommon.
Shoutout to people with trauma that little people have experienced.
Shoutout to people who have had trauma from multiple sources, making their experience unique.
Shoutout to people with trauma who struggle to find anyone who went through what they went through.
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sysig · 9 months
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Just keep getting back up (Patreon)
#Doodles#Handplates#UT#Fellplates#Gaster#Asgore#The thought of Gaster able to heal himself! Rather to only have himself to rely on in a world that lives to hurt him (and everyone else)#It's an interesting inversion that's for sure#Is it as satisfying if it's not the one who deserves the broken bones? The pain of rejection or of justice retribution punishment?#It's still the same face - and it's not like he's wholly innocent here either#And besides it's always fun to draw tears hee ♪#Get him just a bit disheveled aside from the broken bone - it's hard to imagine him in different clothes even after drawing him in the dress#Softer clothes would be so nice to hold Babybones with but even just dropping a shoulder off his coat or untying his bow tie - it's strange!#I do like the image of his flower crown shedding petals when he gets roughed up tho hehe - tossed around just a little too much!#Breaking his hand right down the middle - it'd be much easier with the holes in his hands as a weak point#All his bones could break easier than his hands before that but now-#It's weird to draw Asgore like that lol I dunno....Works well enough for utility but pffblt :P I always forget his pauldrons anyhow lol#Really rubbing it in that Gaster will be fiiiine he's sooooo special what with his ability to heal >:( Lol#It does make him a bit of a target - a regenerating punching bag? Ideal to see just how far you can push him#It was fun to draw with my green coloured pencil as well ahh <3 Healing magic always gives me a bit of the warm fuzzies#It was the original comic that made me fall in love with Handplates after all ♥ Pretty and feelings <3
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thwispsings · 5 months
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the idea came to me in a migraine induced dream but now im obsessed with the concept of a mu qingfang who knew the abuse bunhe was going through at the hands of og!shen qingqiu/shen jiu and did his best to treat the kid whenever he could (and bring his concerns to zhangmen shixiong, which were obviously very much ignored) and his constant worry over the situation means that when the qi deviation happens he is suspicious of shen qingqiu’s changes for all different reasons and very much protective of luo binghe -who is a sweet child and an earnest disciple who seems to always find the most incredible medicinal herbs to bring to his mu shishu as thanks for the care bestowed upon him- which means that when the whole shen qingqiu dying thing happens instead of bad mouthing luo binghe or fighting him at every chance he does his best to come over and keep an eye on things to try and help him and make sure luo binghe won’t kill himself trying to bring shen qingqiu back because he remembers that earnest kid and he’s witnessed luo binghe’s devotion to this shen qingqiu first hand and knows there is no way that the kid who cried when ning yingying found a bird with a broken wing and begged mu qingfang to fix it and the kid that would always borrow medical texts and try to find new herb combinations as if it was a game between him and qian cao disciples is actually doing anything nefarious to shen qingqiu’s corpse.
anyways in this essay i will-
#listen#binghe needs to have more people in his corner#and for some reason i have imprinted on mqf#so you get cool healer uncle#who probably smoked weed with binghe and made him promise to keep quiet#lbh and mqf bonding activity was teaching lbh to properly roll joints#anyways mqf understanding that the rituals are intricate and lqg doesn’t have any other way of coping with his grief#but the first time lqg injures lbh almost to death in a fight they get into a screaming match so violent#that no bai zhan discipline will look at him in the face without going pale for the next month#that is his nephew! who found several thought-to-be-extinct herbs for him!#also him telling sqq that lbh might have forgotten what he did but mqf certainly didn’t#a healer never forgets the wounds they heal#and sqq is just like yeah brother me neither :(#mqf is going to therapy these idiots so fucking hard#lbh also keeps trying to matchmake him with some nice demons in his court like shamelessly trying to poach his mu shishu#also he and shang qinghua are the only ones who still get the full shishu treatment#except lbh kinda bullies sqh a little for the virtue of the whole mbj situation#(hes never gonna let them live that down)#anyways it’s whatever at first but at one poont years in the future it does become a point of contempt with the other peak lords#nothing can take away from me that when bored they will squabble like children#such is the way of bored adults#i have rambled enough so normal tags now#svsss#svsss writing#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#mu qingfang#bingqiu#svsss au
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starfish-comics · 5 months
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Boy did this one go downhill fast...
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ancha-aus · 1 month
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RealAgeAU Drabble - Therapeutic
New drabble drop. The awaited conversation between Dream and Ccino. @spotaus you ready for another gut punch for Dream my friend :D
First Drabble Prev Drabble Next Drabble
no edit or beta! :D
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Dream tugs on his vest as he glances at the cafe door.
He sees more people leave. As they have been for the last half hour.
It is fine! There is no reason to be nervous! He is just going to visit a place where someone works and lives who may have been kinda friends with Dream's brother!
The same brother that Dream has been actively working against because he was so convinced he knew better what was going on and instead of talking to his twin Dream decided it was smarter to trust other people's opinions who Dream had only known for a while and who were not close to his brother at all!
The same brother that seems to have disappeared and who Dream is no worried sick about while everyone around him celebrates his disappearance! Again because Dream messed up his job!
Dream leans against the wall and tries to calm his racing soul "it is fine. it is fine. it is fine. the worst that can happen is him telling you to get the fuck out and never return." which would include dream losing his one possible lead to find his brother.
Happy thoughts.
...
Dream shakes his skull. no. No forced happy thoughts. that is part of the reason he is struggling this much now.
Dream takes adeep breath and mutters to himself "let the fear be there. let it be with you. but don't let it consume you. don't let it keep you from doing what you wish to do." a bit of an exercise that Blue's Undyne had thought of for him. As she also struggles mentally with quite a few things.
Dream nods to himself and slowly nears the door to the cafe. a glance inside. just to make sure he isn't still busy. damnit the cafe is empty.
Well! Here goes nothing and everything!
He pushes the door open.
Ccino looks up and speaks with a practised smile "Welcome to the Cuddly Cat-" he stops and stares.
Dream tries to look calm but can't help himself as he slowly raises his hand and gives it a tiny wave.
Ccino's shock transforms into a glare as he hisses out "Well if it isn't the god that didn't even bother to read his own job description.".
Dream can't help but start laughing. It is almost a relieve! so many people had been trying to cheer him up and reassuring him that everyone messes up and that what he did wasn't that bad. It is so much better. He hadn't realised how badly he wanted at least one person to actually hold him accountable. To actually look him in the face and just straight up tell him he messed up.
Dream smiles brightly at Ccino as he answers "I know right? I made a mess of things… It is just…" he takes a deep breath. the hard part. Why he came here and hoped Ccino would have info. Because over the last few weeks a memory had suddenly stood out to him. cats who all looked and acted so much like others who Dream knew "I heard you have... very special cats and i was hoping to meet them?"
Ccino hesitates. Ccino keeps glaring at him but then his sight turns slightly and Dream can see him eye a piece of paper. Dream glances at it and sees his own pamphlet. He had left them in every universe he could think of to give everyone a quick update.
It is still a lot of work to continue clean up all the hatred he had unknowingly spread and promoted but it was a start.
Ccino sighs but he waves him over "make sure to turn the sign to closed please."
Dream blinks before smiling brightly as he does just that. he steps fully inside and turns the sign.
Ccino goes around quickly and closes the curtains and everything. Then he walks over to a table and just takes a seat.
Dream joins him at the table and smiles "thank you so much for doing this."
Ccino huffs as he leans on his fist "I figured you would keep bothering me otherwise."
It hurts to not be trusted nad Dream wonders if Nighty had to feel this daily. First in their own universe and than still in the multiverse. for over 500 years. actually being able to feel how everyone hated and distrusted him.
Dream rubs his hands "I... i would have respected a no... if you want i can still leave." he doesn't want to lose this chance... but he can't make stuff even worse. He just misses his brother so much. had missed him for so long already.
Ccino just waves it off and looks at him expecting.
Dream swallows and looks around the cafe for a moment before looking back at Ccino "I... i remembered that some of your cats were... special... in their looks and acting.. .and I was wondering... is it a coincidence or..."
Ccino snorts as he leans back "Yes. they are counterparts to other outcodes and important players in the multiverse. No i don't specifically look for them or get them or make them." he rolls his eye lights "They just show up at my front or back door and i let them stay. Sometimes some leave again."
Dream gives a slow nod and manages to gather his nerves "is... is... Is my brother's? Is my brother's cat okay? I... I can't remember seeing his cat and it is my brother! He is a god he has to be important and be here at least." he can't keep the desperate hope in anymore.
Ccino shrugs "being a god doesn't necessarily mean they show up here. it would be rather busy in here otherwise as there is a surprising large number of gods." he huffs and dream can hear Ccino mutter "with multiple universes completely focussed on making gods and having gods."
Dream alughs and nods "that is fair... it is just... i remember seeing a cat that was.. well... me.... I figured.. .there is no way that i would be there and not Nightmare."
Ccino snorts and grins "Every protagonist needs an antagonist after all."
Dream glares at the table before shooting him a glare "no not like that!"
Ccino tilts his skull and grins "relax. Antagonist doesn't automatically mean evil or anything. it means they are someone who goes against the protagonist and their goal." he shrugs "seeing as we both know nightmare had been right and you were wrong. he was still the antagonist in your story."
Dream shakes his skull "he wasn't!"
Ccino glares at him "it isn't like you left him any other role to play."
it hurts so much to know that and Dream glares "i know! Okay?! I know I messed up. I just want to find him and apologise. i need to tell him i am sorry and that he was right." that Dream lvoes him. that he is sorry. and that... that it is okay if nightmare hates him... that dream would deserve that but dream needs to make sure that nightmare knows he is sorry. that Dream regrets everything and is trying to make it right again.
Ccino stares at him before sighing and getting up. he walks towards the cattree and Dream feels his hopes fall. he is going to be send away... not even a single clue and-
very angry cat meowing as Dream watches his own counterpart cat be pushed into a side room and the door to close. Next ccino goes to the counter. He dips behind it and Dream hears a cabinet open.
After he hears panicked meowing as Ccino rises again. in his arms a large cat. maybe a main coone? but Dream feels himself start to hope as he can spot four large tails and one slow blinking cyan eye.
That is... oh fuck... that actually is!
Ccino wlaks over as three cats follow him on the ground. Dream looks at them and it is pretty obvious it are Killer, Cross and Horror. Dream wonders why they are following when he sees the cat and feels his soul grow cold.
Nightmare's.... his cat looks sick and tired.
Ccino sits in a chair closer to Dream as he gently pets the cat. Nightmare's cat purrs and leans into the touches.
Killer's cat jumps on the table and meows loudly before marching over to Ccino's side and nudging his arm. Ccino stops with petting and Killer's cat stands partly in Ccino's lap to nuzzle and clean ngihtmare's cat.
Dream looks at ccino "waht... why is he...?"
Ccino answers softly "sick? tired? older? I don't know. I have no idea what caused this..." he loks so sad as he pets the cat "I never saw anything like this before..."
Dream remembers his own weakening powers. the way he had been slowly but surely loosing his own powers and magic as he has lost his domain.
This confirms it... Nightmare's also lost his... but he was being kept alive by said magic and powers.
Dream raises a shaky hand "can i... cna i try to heal him?" anything. please let him try.
Ccino looks very unsure and loks at the cats before looking back at the door where Dream can hear his own cat version scream its head off.
Ccino sighs and nods "you can try. nothing the vet did seemed to help him much. he is just... much older now according to him."
Dream still tries. he first pets the cat gently. the goop feels strange but comforting. Dream never thought he would think of the goop like that. he had believed for so long that the goop had taken his brother from him. that it was something to be removed. But if the goop was just the apples magic trying to keep him whole? How could dream hate it? How could he hate something that saved his brother?
Now it is his turn.
He holds his hand near the rib cage of the cat and he can see NGihtmare's cat shoot him a suspicious look.
Ccino chuckles "i wouldn't touch a cat's belly if i were you. that is a very strict no-touching zone for most of them, no matter who you are."
dream shoots him a smile "that is okay. i wasn't going to touch him there." and even if he wouldn't mind too much. he focusses the little magic he still has and tries to heal the cat.
His magic doesn't touch anything that could be healed. according to his magic everything going on wiht the cat is natural and normal. there is nothing to heal.
Dream frowns as he pulls his hand back and looks sad at nightmare's cat. Dream can't even help him like this...
Ccino sighs but seems unsurprised "I figured as much... don't feel bad. the vet already tried healing magic himself. I just try to make sure he can relax and rest."
Dream frowns at the door "why keep... my cat version away from him?" doens't he hear how desperate his cat is calling for nightmare's?
Ccino looks to the side and shrugs "i mean... before when these two got near each other your cat would... well... attack... all the time. It was saver for both to keep them seperated. and now wiht him weaker... I just didn't want to risk it." ccino pets the old cat.
Dream's hand forms fists as he glares down. his sockets itch with tears but he forces them in. this isn't about you. this isn't about you. your brother is dying somewhere. this isn't the time to make this about you or your pain. you don't even have the right to feel the pain. you are part if not the whole reason this happened.
Ccino gets up and takes nightmare's cat with him again. Dream wants to stop him. beg him to just let him hold his brother's counterpart. if only for a little while. but he doesn't.
Dream remembers how his own aura and the goop could get when they met in battle. he doesnt want to risk making it worse.
ccino returns to their table. also the other three following him gone again.
Dream feels hopeful and stares at him "his... his gang cats stay with him?"
Ccino blinks but grins "yeah. all the time. there is always at least one wiht him."
Dream sighs and smiles "that is good... that... that should mean he has them with him now right? that he isn't alone?" at least?
Ccino shrugs "it means there is no animosity between them all. that they all care. that is all i am sure about."
drema nods and rubs his arm "why... why don't people remember this? I get why you don't tell but how come no one notices?"
ccino shrugs "i am not sure how. people just don't. if anyone is willing to hurt someone within the cat group? they just.. don't notice or remember. it is why i am even willing to have this conversation. you remembering implies you won't hurt him."
dream feels himself relax and nods "i won't" never again.
Ccino nods "i figured... but that is what i know. i don't have any othr information for you."
dream smiles "that is okay... he is alive... and most likely not alone. that is more than i knew before." he may not be able to find nightmare fast. but he has a place where he can go to check if nghtmare is still alive. and then while he waits for their meeting. Drema can work on himself.
He can work on teaching the multiverse the truth and find his own calling.
Dream can work on his own trauma nad heal.
All while he searches for his brother.
This? This just showed that it isn't too late. His brother is still somewhere and there is time to fix this mess.
It won't be easy. but he can fix this. and that gives him hope.
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thatonebirdwrites · 4 months
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Sneak peak on a Lena Luthor, Sam Arias, and Kara Danvers fic that has grabbed me by the throat and won't let go till I finish it
(Once I finish it, I'll throw it up on AO3.) Finished so will post weekly/bi-weekly until it's all up. Here's the link.
THE EVENT
Lena realizes something is very, very wrong when she feels the heft of a gun in her hand. The fog in her mind lifts slowly as she wrestles back her consciousness. She blinks and realizes she’s in a concrete room with a desk to one side.
But far more disturbing is her brother, Lex, who has pushed himself half-up with one arm, the other hugging his abdomen. The gun she holds points at him. Blood dribbles from his mouth. He laughs, and his words swim through the fog in her brain.
“It’s ironic, isn’t it? The very people you fight to protect. Do you know their truth?” He reaches up to grab a remote and turns on the televisions that make up a wall of the bunker.
Lena breathes in sharply. Bunker?
No, no, she can’t be alone with Lex. Bad things always happen.
Panic rises like bile in her throat. Her brother is speaking again, but his words can’t penetrate the growing haze in her head. She blinks at the televisions, but it blurs into a mosaic of color and faint soundscapes.
Her thoughts spark and sizzle like a broken circuit. She hyperventilates, lightheaded, as tears sting her eyes. The gun’s weight pulls her arms down. The fact her brother is bleeding out in front of her, while laughing, alarms her.
He believes this is checkmate. It’s not. Please, let me handle this.
The thought laces through her alarm and comforts her. The confidence in her other self dismantles her rising panic. Just like the last time in Kasnia during the self-destruct sequence. Time had warped for her, the fog saturated all awareness, until she woke in the cool air, the sky studded with stars. In her hands was an air duct grate, her clothes rumpled, one heel broken, and streaks of dirt on her legs and arms.
Oh.
Her other self must have fronted like in Kaznia. What is the last things she remembers? She briefly closes her eyes.
She had been escorted by armed guards to where her brother and Lillian waited in the Presidential room at the White House. Listened in horror at her brother’s rant of his victory over aliens. Saw evidence of Supergirl’s death. The terror that grabbed her by the throat had the fog boiling through her mind. No matter how hard she tried, she could not escape the Luthors.
Then nothing. Time evaporated until she wrestled her way out of the suffocating fog.
And here she wakes in a bunker, a gun in her hand, and her brother bleeding out in front of her.
“Do you see the lies they’ve woven? How they’ve abused your trusting nature? Your broken mind?” he continues with another irritating laugh.
He seeks to manipulate us again. Trust us. Lean into our anger.
Lena takes a steadying breath. That’s right. Her anger and horror at his brutal experiments and murder of aliens. The prison couldn’t hold him, cutting off his assets also failed — all facts she has factored into her calculations.
But this exact scenario is supposed to be the last resort. Her stomach curdles, bile on her tongue. Kieran, wait, what of the other plans?
We had to end the cycle, Lena. Otherwise, he’ll never stop coming.
Stop being cryptic. What the hell happened? She needs to reassess. There must be a better solution. She can still repair this somehow. Seek the Truth. Focus.
Fine. I confronted him and injected Harun-el as we agreed. He demanded we join his genocidal crusade. We are not his tool anymore. The solidity of the decision warms her from head to toe, even as her heart shatters at the sight in front of her.
Lena clears her throat and summons what strength she has left. “You’ve abused me, Lex. You have no ground to stand on.” She tries to avoid looking at the wall of televisions, for what is surely a cleverly crafted way to destroy her yet again. Like he always does. Her lip quivers, and she blinks back the urge to cry.
“Me? Your trusting brother?” Lex laughs then coughs blood into his hand. “I’ve given you the world, Ace. Only ever been truthful. Honed your skills. Do you still not see the truth? I’ve laid it out for you this time, you stubborn fool!”
Colors leech into grey in her periphery. Her limbs feel puppeted by her other self still. A rare moment of synergy but it leaves her nauseous and her head aching in a growing migraine.
“They’ve all been lying to you,” Lex continues as he laughs and spits up more blood. “Preying on your weaknesses.”
That’s you, Lena thinks. You’ve preyed on us.
But her curiosity overwhelms her, and she can’t ignore the televisions any longer. The scenes capture her gaze, and her ears roar with the orchestra Lex has woven into the security footage he’s stolen. Half the screens are footage from when Mercy attacked L-corp.
<<.....>>
Lena turns to Kara desperately. “No, Kara, you’re safer with me.” She can feel the grey fog pulling her toward the dark maw of her psyche. She reaches out to grasp Kara’s arm, the fabric of her cashmere sweater soft and comforting. As the emergency light goes off again, she slips deeper into her mind’s tumultuous seas.
Kieran rises forward, and her body transforms. Her shoulders straighten, her limbs more agile, her stance that of a fighter. Commands issue from her voice, but Lena can no longer discern meaning.
She wraps herself in the cold of shadows.
Time hiccups and coughs. Shots echo like thunder, safety doors drop like quakes, and the clatter of heels click against metal.
Is Kara okay? She needs to know. She swims through grey fog, until she pushes into consciousness again.
An uncomfortable weight hangs on her arm. Kara stands behind her, but Mercy holds the bigger gun of the Lexosuit. Fear curdles her stomach. Of course Mercy would hack through security to reach her experimental prototypes. Lena had built a lighter suit to be used for good. Not like this.
Lena, don’t. Let me handle this. Kieran’s smug confidence scratches into her thoughts.
Kara is still here!
Lena, we don’t have time to argue. Kieran surges to the front, and Lena watches as her body moves to block Mercy’s shot. “You did not see the upgrade. The arms hold more goods now.” A hint of excitement sweeps through her voice, the onset of a fight a thrill for Kieran, while Lena nears a panic.
Please, get Kara out of here. Lena struggles to keep them moving backward. Kara is behind her still, the door to the lab just a few feet away.
I said let me handle this. Anger filters through Kieran and burns against Lena’s presence.
Lena throws open the door. “Go, Kara.” Kara stumbles backward into the hallway, and she slams the door shut. The fog sears through her mind, Kieran’s anger pushing her back.
A blast tears through the air, but Kieran blocks the shot with their shield.
Except, Lena can’t let go fully. Kieran blocks and shoots, but Lena fumbles with the footwork. Kieran’s the fencer, not her. Mercy spars not only with the gloves but with caustic words. Kieran fights Lena for control, their dodging clumsy, their shots missing.
The fight warps and fizzles in her mind; the fog screeches through Lena’s consciousness.
She fumbles. Slams against metal.
“You aren’t deserving of the Luthor name,” Mercy says, her poison like barbs that sink into Lena’s insecurities.
Heat beams destroy the door, and Supergirl blasts into the room. Mercy is slammed against the wall, Supergirl’s arm against her throat. “No, you got that backwards,” Supergirl hisses, “the Luthor name isn’t deserving of Lena.”
Warmth floods through Lena at the strength and resolve in Supergirl’s words. A massive turnaround from the worldkiller crisis.
Stay focused. Don’t let your guard down until Mercy’s off the property. Kieran releases her hold, and Lena stumbles, back in full control. Already her mind shifts into overdrive to plan the exact route to verify the security of her building and her people.
<<....>>
This is a repeat of the Mercy incident. Where Lena couldn’t let go, and both of them co-fronted. It sparks a migraine, the grey in her periphery darkening, and her nausea worsening. She hates moments like this.
Let me handle this. We have him in a checkmate. The confidence in Kieran’s analysis softens the panic that has started to freeze her limbs. We know the Truth.
If there is one thing that unites Lena’s fractured psyche, it is an overwhelming need to protect those she loves. And her own brother has nearly killed her and her friends a dozen times over.
She’s exhausted, terrified, and wants this endless game of his to stop.
Lena raises her gun and shoots the televisions one at a time. The shards explode outward and rain down on her brother.
For once, Lex shuts the fuck up. His eyes widen.
The fog burns away the rest of her awareness.
She stumbles across wet grass, her clothes wet and clinging to her body, as the heavens pour down upon her. She’s outside the bunker in a stand of aspens. The sky sparks with lightning, the greyness suffocating.
You’re safe now. We all are. It’s okay. It’ll be okay.
Lena shouldn’t dig deeper. She knows it’s not healthy. Kieran has always protected her, held the worst of the horror. It’s how they’ve survived this far.
But this was her brother. And those screens showed Kara as not human. It makes no sense with what Kara claims. How does she reconcile it all?
Kieran, what did you do?!
What was necessary. Kieran’s confidence holds a trickle of grief and pain. We must seek help now, Lena. Focus.
She feels strange, unreal, like a pantomime of herself. The urge to lie in the mud, to let the rain wash her away, nearly overwhelms her. She pushes off a trunk and stumbles forward. Her hair falls in front of her eyes, sticking to her forehead and cheeks.
The images from the televisions ripple through her thoughts. Is that the Truth?
Yes. Now focus, Lena. We must call her.
Has Kara been deceiving her this whole time? She doesn’t want to believe it.
She’s given Kara her heart, far more than she ever meant to do, and yet, those videos sync with the disjointed mess of her memories. Bits and pieces that Kieran has held for her, scattered shards unlocked like the showers above.
Wait, did you know? Shock starts to shiver through her body.
That’s not important now. Call her.
Lena stumbles and falls. Her hands push into the mud and the world crackles with thunder. It’s too loud. Too bright.
It's all so wrong; she gags and spits out bile.
She wishes Kieran would take over again, to call for her, but her protective self has faded from awareness. Fatigue throttles all of her.
Her brother is likely dead in the bunker. By her own hand. Tears mix with the rain and her fingers dig into the mud. Her senses crackle with pain. She feels herself shrinking. The hairs on her arm raise, goosebumps from the cold, her body vibrating into oblivion.
She wants to go home.
Call her now. The thought is weaker, laced with grief.
“I know. I know,” Lena says it out loud to ground herself. To stop the shrinking, to avoid the inevitable pull of a switch. She shudders and leans against the trunk of a tree.
Focus on the goal. Break it into smaller steps.
She hugs her legs to her chest with one arm. Her other hand fumbles through pockets of her suit. Too many. Suit so wet. She feels slimy, gross, slipping toward the warmth of shadows.
Her fingers grasp he phone in her inner suit jacket. There’s two numbers on speed dial: Sam and Kara.
Her fingers hesitate over the two. She bites her lip, closes her eyes, and hits the button for Sam.
(To be continued on AO3, will edit in the link or drop in comments once up.) Note, this playlist was on repeat as I wrote this piece: Shattered Playlist
Edited.
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quietwingsinthesky · 1 year
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Dean is such a paradox for me because on the one hand, I have been actively triggered by him in the show, there are moments where, intentionally or not, the writers managed to create a portrayal of manipulation and abuse and control issues that it sets off actual alarms for me. And on the other hand, I would not have him any other way. There is something — not comforting, that’s too soft a word — about knowing where Dean’s actions stem from, having seen and learned all that we do about his childhood neglect and parentification and the trauma he goes through repeatedly in the show, and that he doesn’t come out clean. He comes out a goddamn mess who ends up hurting the people around him in reaction to his own pain!
There’s a reality there that’s. Almost nice, actually. Distressing to watch, but it is a fucking mess, it’s a good mess! He’s got zero healthy coping skills and a healthy relationship with say, his brother, is terrifying because it leaves him open to abandonment!
I’m not sure I’m wording this correctly. There is a way to be a good abuse victim. Take the pain, martyr yourself on it, and then, even if you have no support or idea how to, then you have to become a Good Person who never hurts anyone the way you have been learning to your entire life. Simply toss everything that shaped you out the door and emerge a saint with a tragic backstory. And Dean is not that. And that’s so fucking good. Everything that he has gone through continues to effect the way he treats the people around him, and he can’t fight the behaviors he might recognize as harmful because he also sees them as protecting him (or protecting Sam by keeping Sam with him.)
And sometimes, idk. It feels good to see a guy who didn’t heal the “right way.” Who mostly didn’t heal at all, just keeps the wound open because it’s easier that way.
#there’s a whole other bit to this about how like. it’s hard for fandom to hold the idea that someone can be both a victim and abusive#at the same time. that the ways someone has been hurt don’t always shape them into kindness and wide-eyed sympathy. occasionally it just#makes them hard to live with. and I think most obviously is the thing that a lot of what Dean does is an expression of love. of protection.#he’s very much his father’s son in that way. that’s why Sam. the guy he’s been Told to protect his whole life. is also the person he ends up#hurting the most. it’s tragedy. it’s realistic. it’s a good fucking mess.#and that’s why I don’t get interpretations of dean that are determined to shave off the ugly parts of his character. to me those are the#parts that make him a character worth revisiting. he’s so full of love. and he uses it to hurt people. he means to sometimes. a lot of the#time he doesn’t but hurts them anyway. he has been shaped by violence his whole life. and it’s just. I get why someone might take this#part of him away. to make him easier to love. because I get that he’s stressful to watch also like I get that. but he is.#he is compelling. in his anger and his controlling behavior and his strangling love. he is compelling in all the ways he has become this.#Dean’s degradation into these behaviors can be both a failure of a show that ran to long but also the believable trajectory of a man who#can’t heal. and I love him for that. I love him for emerging from pain as a angry sharp thing. I love that it brings the glimpses of him#being gentler and recognizing his actions as bad into stark relief. I love that this recognition often only lasts until he is hurt again and#then he backpedals into the safety of behaviors he knows will allow him to control a situation through force or manipulation.#it’s good fucking mess. you know? dean winchester everybody.#maybe I should have put all that in the main post. oh well. too late now.#spn#dean winchester#tw abuse
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thepeacefulgarden · 16 days
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stuck-in-jelly · 1 month
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Something I keep thinking about is how the corruption in Lux Aurea can be healed specifically by Mukho through his special medicines.
And how Janai says she corruption was so bad she had to kill her own people who were infected.
I hope Mukho comes out of hiding to help them heal but even if he can help the Sunforge and the corruption Janai would have to live and cope with the knowledge that she had to kill her own people when they still could’ve been saved
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c-cw-f-saeko · 5 months
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tesso and his party in restaurant row (zhao, seonhee, yagami and lin lin)
(original under the cut)
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lunarharp · 1 year
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hi
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