#his name is skull guy btw

[ruvviks]

HARBINGER; a person or thing that shows that something is going to happen soon, especially something bad.

[heyitsnyixie]

!ATTENTION!

He Eepey

[star-sim]

"is your girlfriend single?" ☆ enha hyungs

☆ youtuber! non-idol! bf! enhypen hyung line x fem! reader ☆ summary: when your youtuber boyfriend finally shows you for the first time to his audience. ☆ genre: fluff, jealous and whipped boys... kinda dumb lol ☆ warning(s)? no! just fluff!! and attempts at humor :( ☆ reblogs and comments are appreciated :D also not proofread lol

maknae ver.

heeseung ☆

i like to think that hee would be a gaming youtuber

posts maybe like once or twice a week, has about 3 million subs

he sometimes likes to stream, just to get to know his fanbase better and to just hang out

normally he texts you to let you know abt it, but today he totally forgot

you came home from work and you saw his office door closed + heard the sound of his loud ass keyboard clicking.... my guy beats that shit UP atp

that was normal tbh

you were probably like "my little keyboard warrior ❤️" and went to go wash up in your shared bathroom and bedroom

you were going to just pop into his office, say hi and maybe give him a kiss

meanwhile... heeseung is taking a break from gaming, just talking to the chat

he definitely didn't notice you coming home... probably bc of that bigass head set that's creating a fucking valley in his skull... (btw have u seen those videos where gamers take off their headphones and they have a dent on their head 😭)

anyways you open the door, ready to say hi, but heeseung is visibly surprised, looking like a deer in headlights

you look at him, then at the back of his monitor, then back at him, then at his monitor

"should i come back another time...?"

hee's already taking off his headphones, leaning back into his gaming chair--

"no no no!" he grins, glancing at the chat, which is now blowing up

"who is that?"

"yooooo"

"HEESEUNG IS THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND?"

"gf reveal?"

"she sounds so pretty"

heeseung pats his lap, "cmere, baby, i wanna introduce you to the stream"

of course you comply <3

you take a seat on his lap, his arms slithering around your waist

it takes you a moment to take in what's on his screen: obv there's your reflections, then the chat boxes and announcement pop-ups

the way that the blue-purple light of his screen reflects onto your skin, casting a glassy gleam over your eyes-- and the way that your pretty eyes look at the monitor so curiously, lips parted ever-so-slightly-- made you look SO beautiful

heeseung himself has to angle his head in a way so that he could see your face properly.... and a soft grin unknowingly began to spread over his lips

he presses a soft kiss to the crook behind your ear, before looking back up at the stream

"hey guys," there's a clear smile in his voice, "this is my girlfriend, [name]."

you take that as your queue to introduce yourself

honestly, you're a little shy and softer-spoken now, bc you're not in front of a camera nearly as often as your boyfriend is, "hi.. i'm [name], and... uhm..." you give the webcam a clumsy, awkward (but very cute) smile, "i'm hee's girlfriend"

the chat blows up immediately

"SHE'S SO CUTE"

"i've never seen heeseung look so soft"

"[name] you're so pretty :)"

"this might actually be one of the most beautiful women i've ever seen im not joking guys"

"chat is she real... bc why is she actually GLOWING oh my lord🧎🧎🧎"

those comments make you a lil shy and bashful, and you feel your cheeks kinda warm

you just giggle reading them, unable to contain your smile

heeseung, on the other hand, is feeling prideful

"that's right, guys," he squeezes your waist, puffing his chest out, "my girlfriend is so beautiful" "i know i'm so lucky to have such a wonderful woman as my girlfriend"

he's overjoyed by all the compliments you're getting... it makes him so happy that he can show you off and that everyone gets to see that YOURE his gf

in fact, he's reading a lot of them aloud, and following it up with "i agree with you"

like he'll read "'[name] is absolutely stunning, like wow..." and heeseung nods and is like "i agree with you, xXdragontittysucker23Xx 🤓☝️"

but then a comment stops him in his tracks...

"heeseung is your girlfriend single by any chance?"

his face drops immediately

"hey... who in the chat asked if [name] is single?!"

he's actually offended, putting a dramatic hand on his chest and scoffing

"how rude!" heeseung pouts against your shoulder when even more of his viewers begin saying similar things

"[name] are you free this weekend"

"hi [name] (i'm 6'2 and drive a lamborghini and save orphans every weekend)"

"heeseung get out i'm trying to have a moment with your girlfriend"

you're actually such a cutie, becuase you're just giggling as more and more comments come trying to rizz you up

"what do you have to say for yourself?" heeseung asks you half-sulkily and half-defensive, pushing his face into your neck and pouting

your eyes glimmer with a little mischief, wanting to tease your boyfriend a little bit

"i mean... " you pretend to think

and then someone named jungkooksleftpinkytoe562 says in chat "please [name] i'll rock your world so hard just one chance"

you laugh

"jungkooksleftpinkytoe562, i'm free tomorrow at 5, you should take me out on a date" and you wink playfully and laugh again

chat blows up like

"WOAHHHH"

"AYOOO????"

but if there's anyone that's scandalized, it's heeseung lee himself

"HEY! HEY! WHAT?!!?!" he's squinting and scrolling so fast in the chat to find jungkooksleftpinkytoe562 that you can hear the scroll-wheel oh my god

"you guys better back off," heeseung says, pulling you even closer. he presses a kiss against your shoulder, then gently clutching your face to kiss your chin, "she's mine!"

heeseung's eyes narrow, "especially you, jungkooksleftpinkytoe562..." your bf gives you a quick peck on the lips, "i'll kick your ass if i see you flirting w my girlfriend again >:("

im gonna be fr... none of his viewers care

in fact they keep flirting with you

and the fact that you keep playfully flirting back adds fuel to heeseung's flames

but he'd never blame you <3

he's pouty after the stream lol (but he knows it's all in good fun) so kiss his cute lil pouty lips

i think this definitely goes viral on twitter

like #[name] or #heesgf trends for a good 48 hours

jay ☆

my guy is a cooking channel

i think jay would try to be more private abt his personal life to his viewers, just given the nature of his content

though, it's no secret that jay has a s/o to his viewers, and i think they'd know your name

but yk how at the end of cooking videos, after the chef cooks, they try the food...

i think in a few of his videos, there's clips of you and him trying his food, but while jay is usually in-frame, you're either behind the camera or just barely in the frame so that most people have really only heard your voice and seen your hands

the comments are usually tame, like

"[name]'s voice is so pretty!"

"i want someone to look at me the way jay looks at [name]"

"my parents!"

but one day

for one of his subscriber milestone specials

let's say 2million subscriber special

jay does a cooking challenge

it's "cooking a meal but BLINDFOLDED"

he starts the video explaining the parameters of the challenge and what he's doing, etc

but then he reveals that you're behind the camera to supervise him

obv bc he's in a kitchen with ovens and knives and he's blindfolded...

throughout the video, you kind of just guide your bf

"omg jay move your hand or you'll cut your fingers off!"

"turn on the stove-- no the other way!!"

at some point, jay is cutting up onions

and normally he's a pro at it, and you never question his abilities

but because he can't see and he's using the knife so quickly, you're freaked out like "babe!!!!!! that doesn't seem safe!!! 😰😰😰"

so then behind the camera, you're heard fussing about it and it's cute lol

then you take it upon yourself to help him

you go behind him, slithering your arms around him so that your hands were places on his

you guide his hands to cut the onions slowly

"babe, i got this," jay says, but tbh he's not complaining because he gets to be close to you :D

"nonono i don't want you to die!!" you say, and it seems like you're more concentrated on cutting the onions than him

this is the first time that your face is in-frame for one of his videos lol

when you're done, jay tries to kiss your head, but he can't find you so you raise yourself on your tippy toes for him

its a quick peck but you giggle and place a kiss behind his ear

when he's done cooking his little dish, it's time to garnish and decorate it with sauce

jay's plan is to use the sauce to write "happy 2 million subscribers" on the dish

but because he's blindfolded, the writing is so fucked up

it's completely unintelligable and just a glob of sauce 😭

and then he tries to draw a dick on it but it's also super fucked 😭😭😭😭

when you see this, you burst out laughing so hard

and this makes jay laugh too

anyways the video goes up, it's very cute and well-received

now.... the youtube comments are still tame

"[name]'s laugh is so cute!"

"i screamed when she popped into frame... she's gorg"

"the way that [name] looks at jay when he's blindfolded is everything"

"[name] looks so beautiful"

but uh

it gets crazy on twitter

as it always does

"jesus fucking christ if a woman like that wrapped her arms around me and kissed me i would fall to my knees and die happily"

"jay CANNOT handle allat.... but i can!!!! me next!!"

"god... when is it my turn to have a pretty woman kiss me"

"[name] i'll treat you so well PLEASE"

i think the clip of you helping jay cut the onions kinda goes viral, just because you look so attractive doing it

like the way you popped into frame as you rolled up your sleeves and the way you smirked at jay's inability to see... ZOOWEE MAMA!!!!!

and i think this eventually makes its way onto tiktok

like pretty standard videos of ppl being like "JAY'S GIRLFRIEND HELLO???" with comments like "she's so beautiful," etc

jay honestly thinks its funny

he knows that people are joking and he sometimes actually plays along with them

he loves that people are appreciating your beauty (but he loves even more that he's the only one that actually gets you)

when you first go viral, you're kinda shy about it, but jay just pulls you close, kisses your cheek, squishing them, and says "my baby is so beautiful"

youre like "jayyyyyy stoopppp"

he only chuckles and starts to pepper your face with more kisses, despite your lil whines for him to stop

but then while you two are cuddling one night, you laying on his chest with your face in his neck

a tiktok appears on his fyp

its just some teenager being like "hi does anyone know if jay's girlfriend is single?" while showing off a black BMW in the background... and then jay's directly tagged in it

he takes this as his opportunity to strike back

he stitches that tiktok, and makes his own tiktok in response

it's just a really short video where jay shows you all snuggled up against him completely silent before he just says "No, she is not single. 😐."

the caption's like "i'm taking [name] out on a date tomorrow shhh don't tell her"

everyone thinks it's really sweet tbh

jake ☆

truthfully i think jake would be into youtube commentary

something like danny gonzalez or jarvis johnson

he looks at troom troom videos and makes fun of them lowk 😭

speaking of, troom troom or troom troom - adjacent content usually has crazy ass lifehacks

so for one of his videos jake is testing out troom troom life hacks

and for one of them, he has to drill a hole in a skateboard or something and put pasta noodles in it idk i'm pulling this out of my ass but its not surprising if this is a legitimate troom troom life hack

unlike heeseung and jay, jake's viewerbase doesn't rlly know about you

again, given the nature of his content, jake never rlly found it necessary to mention his personal relationships

anyways jake is in the middle of your living room floor drilling a hole into a skateboard and putting spaghettie in it when you come home from work and see that shit

jake is in the middle of talking to the camera but the moment the door cracks open he trails off

he gives you that smile-- the one that a puppy gives when their owner catches them doing something they shouldnt aw

when you take in the sight before you, you let out a laugh, not noticing the camera rolling

you place your things down and slink toward your boyfriend

"what's going on here, jakey?" you ask him with a cocked brow, loving the way he chuckles nervously

you crouch down beside him, poking the skateboard-spaghetti abomination with your foot

"i'm testing out troom troom life hacks" he sounds defeated lol

anyways you give him a kiss on his cheek and leave him to his own devices

in the final video, your little interruption is only like 15 seconds bc jake cut it down-- but he def keeps the part where you kiss him

HOWEVER.

because jake's audience didn't know he had a girlfriend

they were all like WOAH WHO IS THAT GORGEOUS WOMAN

a few of his fans look at who he's following on instagram, and they find your account

your ig is public, but it's definitely small and personal

they find pictures of you and jake doing cute couple things, a lot of mirror selfies, matching costumes, and cute pictures that you take of jake

but...

they also find your own personal pictures

ones of you in a bikini at the beach, ones of you with the golden sun on your face, ones showing off your outfit and hair, ones of you in the morning, ones of you being a baddie

and lets not mention jake in the ig comment sections hyping you up like a teenage boy like "YOURE SO HOT [NAME] 🔥🔥🔥🔥"

jake and you see all the comments and tweets about you

so jake decides to take it upon himself to clarify everything

he posts a picture on instagram of you and him with the caption "yes, that's my girlfriend"

safe to say that it becomes his top post LMAOAAO

his ig comments are flooded with support

"you guys are so cute"

"i'm glad to see jake have someone that he loves"

etc

YOUR ig comment section on the other hand?

flooded with support

and thirst

HELP

his fans are respectful but they REALLY love to compliment you

"woahhh you look so good in this one!"

"gorgeous 😍"

"[name] will you marry me?"

but i do think a few are outright insane omg

"[name] you're my sunshine in the ran, the tylenol when i'm in pain, when it's burning hot on summer days you're exactly what i need"

i think they pull out poetic shit omg

like shit like

"the memory of you is a tapestry I had decided to wrap myself in until it suffocated me, to such extent that in the morning, people will not find my body, but a new silhouette woven within its threads"

"there is a city in my heart where you are its only population"

"if i could remake universe, i would replace you as the moon amongst the stars after your time, so i may gaze upon you every night"

jake is NEVER escaping

you appreciate the hype

but jakey?

he loves that you're being appreciate but YOU'RE HIS

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE AND WHY DO THEY THINK THEY HAVE A CHANCE W U

"jakey they're just being nice"

"no they're trying to STEAL YOU"

like a day later he posts a picture of you on his instagram with the caption "she's mine btw"

his comments DO NOT CARE 😭😭😭

when someone comments

"jake is your gf single and can i take her out on a date"

jake straight up responds

"NO."

what a cutie

sunghoon ☆

i actually don't think sunghoon would be a YOUTUBER youtuber

instead i think he'd be a famous ice skater, but he has YOUTUBE interviews and is active on social media

definitely the type of athlete that's very personable

like sunghoon is def in touch with his fanbase and interacts with them on twt and stuff

his fanbase knows that he has a gf, but that's basically the limit

anyways sunghoon is doing one of those "WIRED answered the web's most searched questions"

you're actually in the studio with him during the interview, kinda there for support

the questions are tame like

"sunghoon park height" "sunghoon park winter olympics 2018" "where was sunghoon park born" etc

sunghoon's killing it

until one of the last questions on the board is "does sunghoon park have a girlfriend?"

he immediately lights up

"i do have a girlfriend!" he says, looking off-set at you, "her name's [name] and she's the most beautiful woman i've ever met"

you chuckle quietly at his comment, flashing him a pretty smile

sunghoon continues- "she's actually here with me today" and he points to you, making the cameraman pan over to you, who is sitting off the set

you just give the camera a thumbs up

you thought that would be the end, but sunghoon asks, "baby, do you want to do this interview with me?"

ofc you agree

he makes u sit on his lap lol even when the camera crew is bringing another chair for you

instead of answer more questions sunghoon just talks about your relationship the entire time

he's giving an entire history lecture about your relationship

you don't say much, but you listen to him intently

when this interview goes up

a lot of his fans make edits of it

sunghoon is already known as a quiet typa guy, but when he talks for like 2 minutes straight about your relationship everyones like "oh god this guy really likes his girlfriend 😭"

in fact

the official interview cuts down sunghoon's tangent about you to 2 minutes, when the original clip was actually 10 minutes

i like to believe that WIRED released an uncut version of his tangent 😭

his fans make short edit videos like "sunghoon being whipped for [name]" or "sunghoon really likes his gf"

i think his fans also make edits of YOU

even though you're honestly in a very short clip of his interview

the way you look at him and listen so intently is SO GOOD

like you were definitely giving him 'the look' as he talked abt your relationship yk?

that once-over, maybe a little lip bite, MMMMM SO GOOD

now....

ik i said that heeseung was the keyboard warrior but like... i think sunghoon is the real one

he's out here fighting BATTLES with his keyboard oml

when stan twitter sees this.... sunghoon starts to fight them

there's tweets like

"the more i listen to sunghoon talk about his gf i more i feel like i'm falling for her"

"the woman that you are, [name]..."

"when she looks at the camera i feel shy"

"omg SHE WANTS ME"

sunghoon gets petty OH MY GOD

he responds to all the tweets about you

like

"she does not want you 😐." "you have no chance with her. 😐." "too bad she's mine 😇"

it's def in a playful joking way and it's really funny, but sunghoon is out here defending your honor

i think at some point sunghoon stops responding with words and just begins responding with pictures

someone tweets "sunghoon is your gf single"

and he straight up just responds with a picture of him staring blankly at the camera

LIKE HE'S DRILLING HOLES THROUGH THE CAMERA WITH HIS EYES

an absolute cutie if i do say so myself

on valentines day he posts a picture of him holding your hand to be extra petty lol

maknae ver.

[riverbutghost]

Why?

Pairing: Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley x Fem!Reader

Summary: Simon made it clear that he disliked you. But after you were captured by the enemy, he decided that was far from the truth.

Warnings: Military stuff (wounds, blood etc.), Slight sexual themes, violence, detailed descriptions of torture but not too much. (I don’t know if I’ve missed anything else. The italics are flashbacks btw.

Masterlist

“Ты говоришь на русском языке?” do you speak Russian?

You tried to catch your breath while the two men were talking in Russian. A cold water was thrown at you.

“посмотри на нее, она такая американка. я чувствую его запах.” He scrunched up his face and looked at you with disgust. look at her, she’s so American I can smell it.

“Aren’t you going to beg, my dear?” He patted your head a little while smiling like a maniac. The Russian accent was so strong that you asked yourself if you knew Russian.

“Aww, she’s such a cutie with a crying face. I love making little girls cry.”

Your face scrunched up and you looked down, not letting them see your tears anymore. It was embarrassing for you, a soldier who was known for her strong facade on the field. But only on the field, they used to say. You smile a lot, lass, Soap used to say. Now you wondered if you were going to see him again.

“Well, either way we will keep you until you die, sweetheart. Take care, Милая.” darling.

The other man smirked and they both got out of the room.

You couldn’t remember what had happened, but you were taken by the Russians.

Your head was pounding and the punch you received from the guy who had called you disgusting pet names was dreadful.

You wiggled your arms, wiggled your neck but no. They weren’t even ropes. They were metal bars. They had pinned your arms, legs and neck to a metal bar.

You were sure you were going to die here.

Suddenly, you remembered your lieutenant’s words from earlier.

He had said, “don’t leave my side. I didn’t want you in the first place but they gave you to me so do as I say. Also, I don’t want to hear you chitchat.”

It hurt you a little, pinched your already broken heart. But you knew better than getting sad. He was Ghost, always mean, always bored. He only joked around with Soap, which was a rare sight. You promised to yourself that whatever he would say, you were going to befriend him. But that didn’t end up like that.

It was rare for you. Usually you would get along with anyone, but Ghost was different. From the beginning, he would always make you feel small, making little comments about how you had a big mouth and he knew how to shut it and blah blah blah which made your face flush.

You were starting to get him though. Or so you thought.

-

“You know I don’t care what you say, right?”

Your shoulders slumped a little. But your smile came back.

“Well, I don’t care either. That makes us a good team.”

You smiled at him sweetly. Like a child who got what they wanted. He gripped the folders harder.

“Stop smiling and get these papers to Price.”

You kept smiling and took the papers from him.

“We will be friends eventually, sir.”

“I hope not.” He mumbled, making you chuckle a little.

-

You were always hurt after talking to him, but sucked it up eventually.

He had his issues. He knew better to trust a new soldier. But you were insistent. He was insistent either.

“Are you okay?”

He tensed at you sudden voice, eyes dropping at your soft tone.

“Yes, is there a problem?”

You bit your cheek.

“Why are you so persistent about this?”

He was taken aback by your question. He turned towards you, his skull mask was on.

“What?”

You gripped your blade harder. It was one of those ‘nightmare’ nights. You couldn’t sleep and thought it would be easier to clean your blades. You should’ve known better.

“You try so hard to ignore me or shut me up.”

His eyes were staring right at yours and you felt the need to remove your eyes from his.

“I don’t like bubbly people. And you talk too much, my ears can’t take it anymore.”

You furrowed your eyebrows.

“You’ll like me eventually-“

His sharp breath shut you up instantly.

“Why do you act like everyone likes you? Who the fuck do you think you are?”

You were taken aback by his sudden harsh words. You opened your mouth to speak, again thinking you were going to make him like you. So you said the thing that came to your mind to stop him from breaking your heart more.

“Chill dude-“

You were flushing. What the fuck was ‘chill dude’ ?

“Don’t” He stopped for a second. “don’t ‘chill dude’ me. I’m your superior and you will respect me. Understood?”

You felt your body freeze. He was making it so hard, so hard to befriend him.

“Ghost-“

“Sir, you’ll call me sir from now on.”

You looked down at you hands, trying to find something to look at.

“Yes sir.” You mumbled eventually and got up, scoffing at the tears which were threatening to fall down.

-

You still remembered the stinging feeling his words had caused you.

You stopped trying to be one of his mates. You stopped talking near him. This made everyone question why, but never asked because Ghost was never in the mood to talk.

.

Simon thought about the last time he had cared about anything. He couldn’t remember.

But you, you…

You were like a rainbow after a terrible storm. Your smile could lit up the whole world. And after just one look at your face, he knew he should distance himself and not get close to you.

But you had other plans.

After your first mission, he was sure he would get lost looking at you smile.

-

“How is your leg, sir?”

You asked him with the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.

“Fine.” He grumbled, voice vibrating through his chest. Your cheeks started getting pinker and he cursed himself.

“Can you get out and call the nurse?”

Your smile wavered a little and you finally turned around. You mumbled under your breath, he figured you were hurt by his words.

“No need to be rude, Lieutenant.”

He couldn’t help it though. You were a ball of happiness and he was overwhelmed. He couldn’t help himself.

He regretted it, but still said nothing.

-

You didn’t shut up. Ever.

Even if he said the most hurtful comment, you would still forget about it and smile at him. He sometimes questioned your ability to be happy all the time. It was a gift, he was sure.

You were a gift. He wasn’t religious at all, but after seeing you for the first time, he was sure you were a gift from above.

He fucked it up.

He should be relieved, but no. He was angry at himself for attacking you in a sort of fucked up way.

He was using his fucked up mentality to push you away, but he knew better.

Deep down, he knew why he was treating you that way. But he wouldn’t let anyone know this. Not even himself.

“We have to do something, y’know?”

Simon pushed his thoughts away and looked at his superior.

“Yeah, no shit.”

Price pressed his lips harder than usual.

“I interrogated them, they say different things.”

Simon pulled his mask down and got up. He turned towards Price.

“Then maybe you should let me interrogate them.”

Price gave a long and sharp breath.

“What will we have if you kill them?”

Simon furrowed his eyebrows. You don’t understand, he wanted to say.

“What do we have, then?” He gave up for the sake of finding you.

“4 locations, Soap searched them. They are all Russians’ and we have to be quick.”

They were more then ready to find their little sunshine. But Simon was stressed, he was freaking out.

They got ready, hopped on their truck and the mission was started.

-

You weren’t okay.

You were far from being okay.

“Oh, look at her. So sad no one is coming for you?”

You clenched your jaw, immediately regretting it because of the massive headache.

“Speak when I ask you a question, got it ?”

A noise came from your neck at the sudden blow to your cheek.

“Let’s get rid of these bars,”

Your neck suddenly fell down after the metal bar opened. You couldn’t find the strength to look at them.

He gripped your hair and jerked your head to him.

Another guy kicked your abdomen, making you whimper in pain.

“Bastards!”

The guy gripped your hair harder and smacked the back of the gun to your head.

You unintentionally whimpered again.

“What was that? You little pig.”

You were sure there was an internal bleeding in your abdomen.

“That’s enough brother, let’s eat.”

The guy kicked you again in the abdomen and the metal bars opened.

You fell down from your chair.

Your vision was blurry, you were sure you wouldn’t survive in two days. It has been so long, so long.

They were coming, you knew it. Deep down, you were wondering if Ghost was finally relieved. No one was talking his head off or cracking dirty jokes now. Was he keeping them away so you would die alone here?

You closed your eyes, shaking the ridiculous thoughts.

You were tired, so you let yourself go.

-

“Hey, be fuckin’ quiet!”

Soap gulped and apologized at his Lieutenant. He was extra angry today.

“Sir, what if she’s already dead? This would be a suicide mission then.”

Simon turned towards the recruit.

“Shut your mouth and do what you’re told, kid.”

The soldier fell silent after that. They knew better to piss Ghost off.

“Okay, get ready. In three, two… one!”

Shots were suddenly fired. The Russians were not expecting this, at this hour especially. They were on edge, but their superiors were busy having dinner.

“I’ll look inside!”

Ghost shouted, immediately followed by Soap.

The two got in, killed the guards.

It had been a fucking week, and Ghost felt pathetic to hear your voice. It effected him more than he thought it would.

“Fuck, Soap, I’m going downstairs .”

Soap nodded and returned his killing.

Ghost kept his steps low, head raised high in confidence. He pushed through everything in front of him, trying to save his pain in the ass.

He pushed every door, even broke the locked ones down.

There you were, laying on the ground. Looking dead, but your back was slightly moving up and down.

He immediately scanned the room, with nothing he rushed to get you out of there.

He kneeled on his knees and turned you around carefully.

“Sir?”

He breathed a sigh of relief.

“You’re strong, sergeant.”

You smiled a little. He checked your injuries’ severity and got you on his back.

“I didn’t think I would- uh- be alive to be honest.”

Simon furrowed his eyebrows.

“Bite your tongue, Sergeant. You’re one of the strongest soldiers i’ve ever met.”

You smiled a little again. Proudly you closed your eyes.

“Stay, yeah? Don’t want you to die on me, gonna get in trouble because of you.”

Your smile faltered. Here you were, naive little girl.

“Right.”

He knew he fucked up again. But his first mission was get you out of there safely.

You whimpered at the sudden pain in your abdomen.

“What’s wrong?”

Your arms tightened around his neck, not enough to hurt him.

“Hurts-“

A sudden explosion made you two flew into a wall. Ghost groaned and quickly grabbed his gun. He looked around for you.

Everything was happening too quick for his liking. He reloaded his gun and jumped up to his feet.

“No…”

He fired his gun nonstop at the men, who were trying to shoot both of you. He was actually scared for the first time.

He reached to his comm.

“Soap, fuck- come downstairs!”

He swung his gun to the man beside him and rushed to your side. He lifted you bridal style and turned his back on the men.

“Fuck,”

A bullet pierced his shoulder. He eventually put you down behind a desk, flipping the desk over to cover you.

Soap, Gaz and Price came into his view and he relaxed all of a sudden.

“Ghost?!”

Ghost put his arm up behind the desk to show them where you were.

“Are you hurt? You’re bleeding.” Gaz looked at him in concern.

“Oh, so I’m not hurt then.”

Ghost scoffed at Gaz and picked you up. Gaz rolled his eyes.

“Let’s get you two to the heli.” Price tried to pick you up, but Ghost mumbled something and pulled you to him.

“Ghost-“

Ghost brushed him off.

“Let’s go.”

It had been a week.

After multiple surgeries, you were in intensive care for give days.

The internal bleeding had caused you to lose consciousness and when you woke up in the heli, you vomited blood. On Ghost.

Ghost felt his heart beat faster at that because for a second, he thought you were dying.

You didn’t.

You were awake but still in bed. Soap came to your visit, Gaz did, Price did, even Alejandro did but Ghost didn’t.

You received a lot of gifts from recruits which made you smile. But something else was occupying your mind.

You wondered if Ghost was okay. Soap told you he was shot, said it was nothing for him.

You got up to a sitting position. Immediately holding your abdomen, you cursed. It still hurt like a bitch.

You stood up from the bed and checked the nurse. She wasn’t there so you took the chance to escape from your prison.

You were in a white oversized sweatshirt and nothing else. You weren’t wearing a bra and you thanked the nurse.

You pushed the doors open. You had forgotten the sweaty smell of the hallways. You missed it.

“What are you doing? Go back to bed.”

You flinched at your nurse’ tone and turned around to her.

“I feel good, Amanda. Please,”

Amanda sighed then nodded, allowing you to leave.

“I didn’t see you, then.”

You chuckled a bit and left.

Your mission was now to find your Lieutenant. Ghost. Simon. You never tried to call him by his actual name, knowing his temper and dislike towards you.

You felt nauseous all of a sudden. You didn’t want to find him, you didn’t want to feel unwanted and alone again. Even though your other teammates were always there for you, you wanted him. Why? You didn’t know. Or didn’t want to admit.

You took a deep breath, forgetting about your abdomen.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” You held your abdomen and mumbled curses.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

You froze and licked your lips. That wasn’t the scenario you thought it would be. You turned to your side.

“Hi, sir.”

You smiled at him through your pain.

He was wearing his balaclava, his eyes red. You wondered why, then remembered he was shot.

“Are you okay Ghost? I heard that you were shot.”

You took a step forward. He took a step back. You pressed your lips together.

“I’m fine. Go back to bed.”

You furrowed your eyebrows.

“No.”

Ghost looked straight at your eyes, his bloodshot eyes looked concerning.

“Do as I say, sergeant.”

You shook your head. Not today.

“I’m okay. I wanted to see if you were okay too.”

Ghost’s eyes left yours for a second. He looked down at your abdomen.

“You’re going to open your stitches.”

Your head fell to your side slightly. He looked at you again.

“Are you, okay?” You punctuated for him to understand what you were trying to say.

He sighed.

You took four more steps towards him until you were chest to chest.

He looked defeated.

“I am.” He answered your question, eyes flickering between your mouth and your eyes.

“Can I look at your shoulder? It’s bleeding.”

Ghost furrowed his eyebrows and looked at his shoulder. He knew he shouldn’t be working out in this condition.

“Please let me help, Simon.”

His breath hitched a little, but you heard.

With a newfound courage, you took his hand and lifted it slightly with a cloud-like touch.

“I’m sweaty .” He looked at your eyes.

“It’s okay.” You smiled at him. His eyes traveled all over you and suddenly, he took your hand and started dragging you.

You gasped in shock, but didn’t say a thing. He was acting strange, you didn’t mind it.

Ghost opened the door to his room and after pulling you in, he closed the door.

“What now?” He asked out of breath. You flushed a little.

“Uhm, well. I’ll get your med kit.”

He nodded and showed you the place. He sat down onto his bed.

You came with the medkid, a little shyly.

“Take off your shirt.”

He gulped. You didn’t mean to sound so authoritatively. You helped him by lifting his arm slightly then took off the shirt.

Holy shit, you thought. He was ripped. You cleared your throat and opened the medkit.

“Just try not to move your arm.” He nodded.

You were working on his arm, but his eyes were on you. You shuddered a little feeling goosebumps all over your body. He smirked under his mask.

“I’ve never seen your face.”

“I know?”

You rolled your eyes.

“Yeah no shit. Are you going to show me?”

He shook his head. You pursed your lips in a mock sadness.

But you felt your body freeze as he pulled your bottom lip.

You swallowed hard, forgetting about his wound. He groaned, sound vibrating through his chest. You were melting.

“Oh God, sorry.”

He pulled you on his lap, pulling your legs apart with his hand. You gasped again, feeling a sensation in your lower parts.

“Ghost-“

“Hm?”

You took a deep breath and averted your eyes from him to focus on his wound.

Quickly cleaning it up then bandaging it, you looked at him.

“I’m going to wash my hands.”

He got up with you on his lap. His hands were on you thighs and your legs were hugging his waist.

“What are you doing?”

“Never letting you go.”

You licked your lips, they suddenly felt dry.

“I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry for the way I treated you. But fuck, you are something else. Fucking pain in the ass.”

You chuckled a little and he dropped you near the sink.

“Stay with me?”

You dried your hands then turned around. He was hovering over you, and you liked it.

“Let’s sleep.”

He gulped then grabbed you up in a rush.

“Ow, be careful you ass.”

He put you on to the mattress.

“Let me make it feel good, yeah?”

All of the playfulness left your face after he had said that.

“Oh fuck.”

[talaok]

Poor, naive, Marcus

Pairing: Joel Miller x reader

Summary: Joel is the boss of a group of criminals in the QZ, and you're his little bunny everyone knows better than to look at, but when Marcus, one of his guys, breaks that rule, Joel decides to teach him a lesson.

Warnings: I'm not gonna lie, this is 2.8 k of porn so... violence, smut | very very much exhibitionism, fingering, unprotected p in v sex, creampie, and of course lots of daddy-kink, praising, and pet naming

a/n: This is self-indulgence at its core, you guys don't understand how much I love them

Btw this is kind of a part 2 to this

He was drunk enough not to realize what he was doing, or drunk enough not to care at all.

His hands were roaming every inch of your body, groaning and painting as if just the feel of your skin was bringing him pleasure, which, truth be told, it probably was.

Your eyes were closed, but you didn't need to see to know people were staring, everyone was staring, whispering, gasping as they watched Marcus, oh poor Marcus, dance with you in the middle of the bar.

The people on the makeshift dancefloor had taken one, two, five steps away from you as if they sensed what was inevitably coming.

But Marcus, poor naive Marcus, he was too busy burying his face between your shoulder and neck to even notice.

"you smell so good" he groaned, forcing you flush against him and his evident bulge.

You couldn't help but chuckle.

Just one of the many advantages of being, or better, having been the boss' bunny.

"thank you" you whispered, playing with his long messy hair as he started kissing your neck as if his life depended on it.

"You like that?"

"yeah Marcus, you're doing good" You stifled a laugh, as he looked at you like a lost puppy

"O-ok" he nodded, "It's just that- you're very beautiful, and I-"

You only needed to smile to shut him up

"Marcus" you cooed "stop talking"

He nodded, again, and you returned to swaying your body to the music, his lips back on your skin.

You heard the people moving out of the way before you heard the door slam against the wall.

You shouldn't, you really shouldn't have, but the smile on your lips just really brought itself to life.

"What do you think you're doing?"

He wasn't talking to you.

Marcus, poor Marcus, looked like he was about to go number one, right there in front of everyone.

The quiet whispers that filled the smoky air just moments before had ceased,

even the music had stopped.

That's what he did.

The boss had arrived, and time had stopped.

You turned around, and there he was, in all his glory... he did look disheveled though, like he had run here, like you had interrupted something you were sure must have been very important.

But he wasn't looking at you, the primordial rage in his eyes was solely directed to the man next to you.

"You deaf? I asked you what the fuck you think you're doing" He took a step closer to him.

Joel wasn't that much taller than Marcus, but right now, hell, right now he looked seven feet tall, and ready to crush him with his bare hands.

"I-I"

"You what?" he gripped the collar of his shirt "What?" he spat, inching closer to his face.

"I didn't- I din-"

"I haven't even broken your yaw yet and you already can't talk" Joel snickered, 

"Bunny, if you wanted to make me pay, you could have at least found yourself a man"

You had to bite your grin down, 

No, you're still mad at him

"I didn't know you were together!" Marcus suddenly yelled.

Joel took his sweet time tearing his gaze off of you.

The skirt you chose, the same short, short one he had gifted you, had definitely been noticed.

"She-She told me you broke up. T-that it was over- "

"Did she, now?" 

"Y-yes, Boss, I swear" he nodded vigorously "I would have never touched her if I'd-"

And just like that,

Marcus' words died in his throat once Joel had wrapped his big hands around it.

"N-no- pleas-e"

He was barely breathing, his eyes looking like they were ready to pop out of his skull.

"Joel" you breathed

He didn't budge, not of one inch.

His fingers stayed still around Marcus' neck

You sighed, stepping closer, close enough to place a hand on his shoulder, close enough to stand on your toes and reach your mouth just right to his ear.

"Daddy" you whispered "let him go"

And so he did.

A sigh of relief was breathed by everyone in the room, everyone except Marcus, who was currently coughing his way back to life.

Joel's dark eyes were trained on you now.

"EVERYONE OUT"

Bodies scurried out the door in less than ten seconds. 

Marcus, oh poor Marcus, went to get away with them.

"not you" Joel didn't even need to glance at him to grab his forearm.

He stumbled backward, panic oozing off his every pore.

"B-boss"

"Shut the fuck up before I make you" 

That's all he said, before he pushed him to the side like a piece of trash.

Marcus nearly knocked over a chair.

"Joe-" you tried, as he walked closer to you.

"You told him we broke up" he cut you off

"We did" you reminded him, with a tilt of your head

"I don't remember agreeing to that"

You scowled

"That's not how breaking up works"

"and why not?" he was close enough to move some hair out of your face, his poisonous touch lingering on your skin like a curse and a blessing altogether.

"because I'm not one of your men, Joel, I do what I want"

He chuckled at your words, the vibrations of his voice bouncing off the filthy walls.

"Oh trust me, bunny, I know" he spoke, his mouth inches from yours "I know"

"Well then you should also know that we're done"

He watched you for a moment longer, before turning to Marcus, who was staring from the corner.

"Did he touch you?" he asked, turning back

"I think you already know the answer to that"

"Did he kiss you?"

You stayed silent.

Not because the answer was yes, but because a part of you, if not all of you, enjoyed torturing him.

"did you?" he turned back to the terrified man "Did you kiss my girl?"

"n-no" he immediately spat "No Boss I would n-"

"Is he telling the truth?"

You bit your lip, watching his eyes fall to the motion.

"He kissed my neck"

And in a second, his gun was in his hand and he was stalking toward Marcus.

"Don't kill him"

"why not?"

"yeah please listen to he-" With the barrel of a gun to his temple, it seems talking didn't come as easy.

"I'd have all the reasons," he said "he touched you"

You looked at him, really looked at him.

"Don't" you told him, and of course, as always, he obeyed.

"Sit down" Joel ordered him, but he was shaking.

Time stilled as he pulled the trigger, the wall behind Marcus crumbling as a bullet flew right through it.

"sit down or the next one goes through your skull"

He didn't need to be told twice.

"the things I do for you, bunny" he shook his head, sighing as he walked back to you.

You let your gaze travel to Marcus. He was seated to your right, staring at you, begging, pleading you to do something.

Poor, naive Marcus, he really didn't know what he had gotten himself into.

Joel was watching you like you were a drug and he an addict in withdrawal.

"where?" he asked his voice dangerously low.

He was inches from you. He had never been good at keeping his distance, and you were backed up against one of the tables.

"where what?" 

"where did he kiss you?"

"I already told you Joel," you said "My neck"

"here?" he breathed, his digit grazing the skin just below your ear 

You shook your head 

"lower?"

You nodded

"Here?" his finger was against your pulse

"lower" you could only whisper

"here" he bent down to murmur against your skin, before letting his lips do the rest.

He kissed you, and there it was... that electricity only he was capable of riling up in you.

"Joel..." you whimpered, as he grabbed your waist and started a slow trail of hot hot kisses up your neck.

he groaned, feeling the effect he was having on you.

"Now see Marcus" he spoke more loudly now in between kisses "That's where you went wrong... She likes it a lot more when you kiss her here" he smirked, kissing you below your ear "Ain't that right, bunny?"

You bit your lip, stifling your answer

"don't get shy now, bunny, tell him"

"I do" you surrendered, biting down a moan "I-I"

"I know sweetheart, I know" he cooed, his trail finally leaning towards your mouth "I know" he murmured a moment before kissing you.

His lips crashed with yours in a mess of moans and whimpers, as his tongue explored every inch of your mouth.

One of his hands was gripping your ass, undoubtedly hiking your skirt up enough for more of your skin to be showing, while his other hand was holding the back of your head and pushing you flush against him, leaving you no room to breathe.

"fuck bunny" he groaned "he kissed you like this?"

"no-no" you mumbled, reaching for his mouth again.

"And he touched you like this?"

You let out a gasp, as his hand made quick work of seeping into your panties.

"Did he?" he ghosted your mouth as two of his thick, oh-so-thick fingers slid between your folds, getting closer to your entrance.

"N-no he didn't"

He licked a stripe up your neck and whispered to your ear

"And who are you this wet for, bunny?" he teased, as his thumb found your clit "Did Marcus there do this?"

He bit your earlobe as he pushed two fingers inside, and what came out of your mouth was more a scream than a moan.

Both your arms flew to the back of his neck, holding for dear life.

"No!" you wined, as he started moving his digits in and out and curling them right into that spot he knew so well "It's all you daddy- all you" you promised, your voice so thin it was more of a whisper.

"hear that Marcus?" he asked the man to his right as if he wasn't two knuckles deep inside you 

"I don't think he heard bunny" he murmured sultrily as his thumb started circling your bud "Tell him darlin', tell him how wet you are for me"

"Ah-I'm-I'm so wet daddy, I'm so so-" You had to shut your eyes and bite down your bottom lip as the feeling got to be too much.

"that's my good girl" he breathed, his fingers still working relentlessly "You comin' bunny, you gonna cum for me?" 

You could feel your orgasm approach.

"mh-mh" you could only hum

"no no now" he tutted, grabbing your chin to have you look up at him "Use that pretty mouth of yours and answer me"

Your walls were squeezing his fingers and with each rut of his thumb against your clit a shock of electricity made its way up your spine.

Marcus was watching, you realized, as you opened your eyes. He was staring, knowing that he shouldn't have, but not being able not to.

"f-fuck" you moaned "I'm-god Daddy I'm coming!"

"that's better" he smirked "That's real good sweetheart" he breathed, watching you come apart "Now give it to me, come all over my fingers bunny"

And to that- to that you came, wailing and moaning like you were desperate, and screaming was the only way to make it better.

Your eyes were still closed as he retracted his fingers, and only when you heard a low humming, did you open them back up again.

He had his fingers in your mouth, sucking on them as if they were a lollipop.

"She's as sweet as honey Marcus" He looked at him " 's too bad you're never gonna get to taste her"

"is he bunny?" he asked, leaning into you again

"no"

"that's right" He grinned "now," he said, "what do you say we show Marcus what else he's never gonna get mh?"

"how 'bout we show him how you're all mine, and only I get to touch you?"

"yes" you could only whimper, as you nodded slowly, your brain a fuzzy mess.

"Yeah?"

"yes, daddy, please" you begged now, your hands raking down his chest until they reached the tent in his overused jeans.

"God bunny, you have no idea what you do to me" he groaned kissing the corner of your mouth.

"jump on the table"

You did so with no hesitation as he unfastened his belt and zipper in record time.

"You gonna be good for me now?" he asked, pulling his painfully hard cock out of his briefs "Gonna let me take care of you like you need to?"

"yes" you kissed him "Yes please please pl-"

"always so good for me" he bit your lip, moving your panties to the side and positioning himself at your entrance, the head of his dick rubbing against your slit.

"my pretty bunny" he breathed, finally pushing in.

"fuck" you cried, wrapping your legs around him...or at least trying to.

He groaned loudly, his head falling to your neck " 've missed you baby, missed this pussy so much-"

"I missed you too daddy" you confessed, 

"barely slept last night without you by my side bunny" he groaned, starting to move and causing a gasp to your throat "Couldn't stop thinkin' 'bout you y'know" his words tickled against your ear "I don't want you to ever do that again bunny" he spoke, his thrust so slow and yet so agonizingly deep "I need you" 

And there it was, the Joel Miller only you knew.

"I won't" you whispered, one of your hands gripping his hair while the other kept you stable on the table 

"you promise?"

"I promise Daddy" You kissed the skin of his neck you could access "It's me and you"

You felt him smile against your shoulder 

"me and you" he repeated your words, leaning away to look at you.

You both smiled at each other like idiots, but before you could fully take the moment in, he thrust out and inside of you so harshly and so fucking deeply that your eyes rolled to the back of your head.

"oh my god" you started chanting, your head falling backward.

"you're so tight" he breathed, rolling his hips as he angled his cock to ruin you completely "She's so tight Marcus" he spoke more loudly, grinning like a bastard.

You chuckled, followed by him, and before you knew it, he was kissing you, and it wasn't a pretty kiss, oh no, it was a mess of moans and groans and teeth and yet it felt better than anything else in this world.

"fuck" you moaned "You feel so good, daddy" 

"yeah?" he sucked in a breath, still smirking "Say it a little louder- tell Marcus who only gets to touch you- who you belong to baby"

"you daddy" you screamed "I'm yours- only yours"

"that's right" he picked up his pace "and is anyone else ever gonna touch this precious little body of yours?"

"n-no" you muttered, ecstasy taking over your body "O-only you"

"atta girl" he murmured his hands gripping your waist to force himself deeper "You gonna give me another one bunny?" he watched your fucked out self "You gonna squeeze me real good like you do and let me fill you up with my come, sweetheart?"

"yes" you whined "Yes please fill me up, Daddy"

"After you bunny, you know how it works" he smirked

"I'm almost there-" you gasped "I'm coming daddy. I'm-"

And before you knew it a tsunami of pleasure had overcome you. Your legs were shaking, your eyes were teary and every part of your body felt both on fire and never more alive.

He came with a loud groan right after you, painting your insides with endless ropes of his come.

" I love you bunny," he said, after catching his breath

"I love you too daddy" you promised, kissing him with a gentleness he only enjoyed receiving by you.

"I wish we could go for another round but I got business to take care of" he sighed, nodding to... Oh right, Marcus was still there.

You couldn't help the giggle fleeing your lips.

He shook his head as he watched that heartstopping smile of yours "You go, David will take you home, I don't want you to see this" he said, pulling out of you and tucking himself back into his pants.

"Joel..." you pouted, "you said you weren't gonna kill him"

He raised his eyebrows "You were serious?"

"of course I was" 

"bunny..." he groaned, letting his forehead fall to yours

"No. No Joel I don't want you to kill him"

He looked into your eyes for a moment, trying to understand how serious you were.

"Can I at least have a little fun with him?" he asked

"Fine" you agreed "but don't hit his face" you said, making him frown "I kinda like his face" you explained

He smiled before meeting his lips with yours again "Your wish is my command, bunny"

[foxglovepng]

Random Head cannons 2 🌼🥀

Characters: Savanaclaw + Octavinelle

CW: Mentions of first years, Leona accidentally commits arson, Ruggie is a klepto, platonic bromances with first years, little bit of violence in ruggie's, mentions of ED and body hcs in Azuls, mentions of slight nudity in Floyd's.

A/N: These two dorms are relatively small so I combined both into one post. Scarabia and Pomefiore will be condensed into one post as well.

Likes and reblogs are deeply appreciated <3 hope you enjoy!

Leona

MY MAN <3 me and Leona are married Crewel officiated our marriage. (I literally don't know what headcannons to give this man HELP)

I like to think because he is a prince all the staff did everything for him so him changing to NRC and not having any retainers I can imagine he tried cooking once and almost set the dorm on fire.

He had to adjust to doing normal things himself since they were always done for him so I can imagine he STRUGGLED when Ruggie wasn't there (Unless he paid someone to do laundry for him before Ruggie than idk)

Off topic but I saw this one post and it was like "It's okay to commit murder but never okay to hit your wife." yeah that's Leona.

He'd hype his wife up in a fight and when asked he'd be like "I was taking a nap"

(How do you fall asleep in 3 seconds sir teach me your ways it takes me hours to fall asleep)

He can also get high on catnip btw

Ruggie

My favorite klepto freeloader

I can imagine first year Ruggie stealing from a particularly rich person and he goofed up badly Leona stepped in and beat them up and was like Bruh how do you fuck that up I am not helping you the next time you fail.

So *sips tea* even Ruggie has said himself his jaw is strong enough to where he can bite through bone and he can eat the bones too. Ruggie is a little terrifying because is Jaw is insanely strong (Stronger than jack and Leona's combined) so Ruggie could bite someone out of defense to break their arm and his jaw would survive. I think he figured this out once because he had to defend himself either because he got into a fight or someone attacked him and he bite them breaking their bone nearly ripping their arm off.

Between Floyd and Ruggie I'd rather not get bit by either :skull:

Jack

I can imagine first years as a bonding activity go to the gym together from an admiration point Jacks body build is really nice he's a buff guy and he's proud of it so I can imagine he gives tips to the others especially Epel and Deuce.

I also can imagine Ace trying to do a push up or a rep competition (He's not winning). Jack and Sebek end up winning.

Weird head cannon but I can imagine locker room talk between the first years is them admiring Jacks body build in a platonic bro way if anyone else does it Ace is running his mouth on them :skull: "Damn jack you seem to be getter buffer every day" Jack shows no emotion on his face but he's secretly happy to be receiving the compliments

Azul

I like to think he still has a bit of a tummy. It is implied that he has have an ED due to being bullied and an ED is something really sad to think about as much as I don't want to admit it I believe he may have one :(

His parents are divorced and I think he considers his step dad his "real dad". Now I don't know if he gets visitation, but basically in his mind he already replaced his deadbeat dad (I named him Liam because of a tik tok)

Ursula Canonically has a younger sister named Morgana so with this logic I want to say Azul as a half-brother who is an Affair baby. (I say half because biologically if you share a same mother you are technically full, but because Liam is his bio dad and he had another son it's half) and because of Morgana's character I think Azul wants to get to know his brother however I think his brother despises him and refuses too. New oc coming up.

Jade

Moray Eels have shitty vision so Jade wears glasses at night but contacts in the day. Floyd has glasses but chooses not to wear them Jade most likely tries to convince him to wear contacts 50% of the time he doesn't.

My favorite head cannon about Pookie Jade is he grows poisonous flowers and Poisonous flowers are one of my favorite interests. He likes to grow Oleander, Belladonna (Deadly Nightshade), and Azaelea. I feel like if he had a better greenhouse he can grow poisonous shrooms as well. (NOW I'm not saying he kills people, but Mafia theory people)

Floyd

Whenever Octo trio go swimming in a public place or at a beach, lake, etc. Floyd accidentally flashes people and almosst got charged with Public indecency many times so he's been banned from swimming in public.

Shrimps and Moray's have symbiotic relationship so I can imagine if he takes a liking to someone and names them his Shrimpy I bet he'd get real happy if they groomed him via brushing his hair, cleaning him up, etc. He'd give them food and would be their protecter by default in short he'd be down bad.

I wouldn't be surprised if he has ended up in Juvie before and probably has but got bailed out.

[rottingpirate]

Hello I want to cowardly ask you for some light angst with könig if it's not a problem. I've been craving some sweet angsty comfort with the big guy

Maybe something happened during mission and he got overwhelmed and stuff and reader finds him and comforts him

I absolutely love your writing btw I'd marry you if I could

Staawp ily <3

Lucky to have you || König x M!reader

Warnings: sensory overload, emotional hurt/comfort

Wrong. Everything was wrong.

His hands started to shake as soon as he got off the helicopter. He wanted to disappear. To pretend like he wasn’t here and instead somewhere else. Not feel anything. He was so tired and all he wanted to do was get into his room and stay there forever.

He hated it, the talking, the whispering and murmuring, the bright lights of the base, how tight his shirt felt, the light smell of your cologne. He hated it all. Every little thing had gotten on his nerves today, from unnecessary words to his struggle in opening the cabinets to successfully completing the mission.

He was exhausted. The type of exhausted that just sleep couldn’t fix, the exhaustion that creeps into your bones, dragging you under water and not letting you swim back up.

He took a deep breath, then another.

He got closer towards the entrance of his room. As soon as he got there he wanted to melt into the ground, to turn into a small puddle of nothingness. But even that wish didn’t come true as there was a knock on his door almost as soon as he closed it.

Another knock. Every sharp movement resonated in his skull.

Your voice. "König, can I come in?"

He nodded. When nothing happened he mentally cursed himself, you couldn’t see him after all. "Yes." His voice shook and felt embarrassed.

"Hey," You muttered, walking in and closing the door behind you. "What’s goin’ on?"

You. You were here. You were in his room. No. You couldn't see him like this. You shouldn't see him this weak and vulnerable. Or maybe he deserved it.

He screwed his eyes shut feeling self-conscious.

"Woah, hey, are you okay big guy?" Your voice was soft as you approached him, footsteps stopping in front of him.

"Too…much."

"Okay, try breathing in and out slowly, just try to relax..."

The man sucked in a shaky breath, holding it for a second before blowing it out slowly. It helped, but it wasn't enough. "Can I touch you?" König's eyebrows furrowed, but he nodded. A strong hand rested against his shoulder, another hand resting on his knee.

"I need you to breathe with me, yeah?" it almost sounds like you're pleading. Voice shakes where it was once strong.

König opens his mouth and tries to do as you say, but it's too much. His chest stutters and he's left wheezing.

"Slow down, König," Your tone has dropped to a whisper, your mouth is right against König's ear and he focuses all his energy on your voice.

Anything but the pain in his chest and the tears building around his eyes. "In through your nose, slowly and out through your mouth." He puts emphasis on the words slowly and König does as asked.

"Alright, keep doing that. Can you name one thing you can taste?" It was a strange request, but König thought about it for a moment, mumbling his answer.

"Coffee." You brought him a cup this morning.

"Okay, good. Now tell me two things you can smell."

"Gasoline and...books?" He heard a light chuckle.

"Okay, yeah. Three things you can hear."

He listened, trying to identify every small sound he heard. "The wind...people talking...and...your voice."

"Okay. How about four things you can feel?"

"My clothes, the ground...the bed sheets...you..." He was feeling slightly better and his breathing was more controlled.

"Okay, will you open your eyes for me?" You wondered.

König let out a shaky breath, opening his eyes slowly. He was met with a kind smile, and you were crouched down right in front of König.

"Um-"

"There, okay, lastly five things you can see." You were right infront of him, and König didn't want to look away. He knew what you looked like, but he had never seen you this close. You were beautiful.

"The wall, um... the door. A book..." his gaze shifted back to you. "Your eyes. And... your hand on my leg." Smiling, you nodded.

"Good. Better?" König nodded, knowing he was staring, but not really caring. You let out a small laugh, taking your hands off him.

"Thank you"

"König," You spoke softly. "Are you feeling a bit better?"

"Y-Yeah," He says. He sniffs and shuffles closer to you and whispers back "Please… please stay." He flings his arms around you.

"Please stay."

"Of course I’ll stay."

[captain-mj]

Good morning afternoon evening and midnight Captain. Just wondering have you ever thought about some bad guys like Roba or Makarov or something hosting illegal dog fights but then there’s actually no dogs but instead just wolf shifters and Ghost being a victim who was forced to fight and kill to survive?

I’m just trying to help with your muzzle kink and that’s all, totally not because I wanted to see Soap being a badass dog rescuer that takes down the bad guys and comforting a shaking Ghost and gaining his trust and wrapping him in blankets and feeding him soup, nor am I desperate to see how Ghost turned from teeth baring to tail wagging when he sees Soap and give those guilt puppy eyes when seeing the scares he made back when he didn’t trust Soap and chomped on the hand that tried to feed him.

Yeah I totally don’t need to see those, just trying to help with your muzzle kink. And I definitely won’t bite you if you don’t give it to me :3

This reminded me a little of Days of Hana (don’t recommend it emotionally destroyed me) but I’ll do it for ya

Btw, I use military lingo throughout but they are just a group of rescuers. Also, Ghost is shifted like 80% of this so fair warning if you wanted him to shift back and forth.

Despite the muzzle, they did not end up fucking?? Y'all want a part 2 that is just porn ask I guess??

Soap was part of the initial bust. There were four people undercover that he was aware of, Just enough to take the guards and everyone there down without having to have too many people infiltrate the place.

He watched Gaz and Alejandro talking, pretending to be making bets. Price was closer to the arena.

Arena May be a stretch. It was a dirt floor with silver influenced chains around it to keep the wolves in.

The one in the arena was small and limping. He growled at the gate on the other end, clearly anticipating what came next.

“Bringing in…” The announcer made a drum roll and everyone quickly brought their attention back to the arena instead of the bets they were making.

“The Ghost!”

Soap frowned, not understanding the excitement. Everyone seemed to recognize the names except him and his crew. He didn’t have to wait long in suspense.

“Ex military. Brought here from Mexico after being a guard dog for a cartel leader! Undefeated champion.”

He was huge. Easily Soap’s height and built. Soft dark fur that looked like it had start getting matted. The weird thing wasn’t his size actually.

It was the design on his face. It was a skull, clearly painted on to him.

His teeth were huge and he bared them immediately. It was vicious way to go.

The other wolf started to Yelp, trying to escape the ring. And Ghost. The nerve and resolve that had been there before disappearing as soon as he appeared.

Soap couldn’t let this happen. He looked at Price who thankfully gave him the signal.

They started firing immediately and both wolves went on the defensive, hiding from the fray. Ghost met Soap’s eyes and they were so… human. While yes, Soap knew logically they were human so of course their eyes would be, it was still startling. He looked so intelligent.

Soap shot one of the guards and they quickly started arresting the voyeurs. Instead of helping them with that, Soap found how to get under the stage to where they were holding the other wolves. Most immediately shifted back, thanking him profusely.

He made his way to the arena and saw that Gaz had a gun on Ghost who was snarling. The other wolf had been hurt, but it didn’t look fatal.

Just barely though. They’d have to get him to medical fast.

“Careful, Soap.” Alejandro called out, steadying the gun. “And you don’t make a move, Ghost.”

Ghost snarled at him but stayed still, thrashing his tail. He looked so angry. So vicious. Soap worried he might lash out and kill him if he got too close. But he pushed on, getting the other wolf safe and away from Ghost before readying a leash. It was one of the one's with the control pole so as soon as he got it around Ghost's throat, they'd be home free.

Now, how the fuck would he get it around his throat. Soap stalked around Ghost but Ghost circled him back, refusing to leave himself exposed for very long.

"Listen, I want to help you, okay?" Soap tried, hoping he wasn't completely feral. If he was too far gone, they might have to put him down. He really hoped that wasn't the case. Judging by the many scars all over him, Ghost had a rough go of it.

Price shot Ghost and there was a loud bark before he collapsed, the dart hanging from his shoulder. "Took a few tranqs just in case."

Soap nodded and looked at him, giving him a thumbs up.

Ghost was put in a cage. He tried not to look at him, hoping he slept a while. Looked like he needed it.

They managed to get the names of everyone else and start working to get them home. The meticulous records the fighting ring kept made it easier.

Soap was surprised to see that what the announcer said was true. Ghost had been bought from a cartel for quite a bit of money. There was a note that he didn't really shift back, but Soap was sure once Ghost realized he had been rescued, he'd shift back and they could return him to any family he had.

Ghost woke up and Soap smiled. “There you are! Sorry for the cage, i promise it’s a formality. As soon as you shift back, we can help you.”

Ghost growled at him, clearly afraid. His eyes were huge and he was shaking.

“Come on, i don’t want to have to call you Ghost.”

He lowered his head, the paint starting to wear off.

Everyone on Soap’s team knew they weren’t real wolves, but it was easy for them to treat them as such. That was not to say it was with any cruelty. It was more wary and clinical. But Soap never had that problem. Maybe it was cognitive dissonance he had. Or didn’t have. Soap wasn’t a shrink.

Soap only saw a person there. A very scared, very hurt person.

He grabbed one of the blankets nearby and opened the cage. “I understand if it’s modesty. You can cover up if you want.”

Ghost stared, almost impassively. Like Soap spoke a language he didn’t understand.

It hit Soap then that maybe he was. Mexican cartel. He may just speak Spanish.

“Hey, Alejandro! Can you help me with something?”

Alejandro nodded and came over but Ghost immediately started to bark at him, shaking. He took a few steps back and Soap watched his hand twitch as he tried not to grab his gun.

“Nevermind. I’m going to need some Spanish lessons from you soon though.” Soap waved him away and closed Ghost’s cage, a little worried he’d run off. He looked at Ghost. "I'll be back soon, okay?"

Ghost continued to shake until Soap left. There was a ton of paperwork and he had to talk to Price, so Soap didn't get to see Ghost again until the next day.

He still hadn't shifted back, just sitting there. Soap felt so bad. He talked with the cooks and managed to get a beef soup for him. He also grabbed another blanket for him.

Ghost didn't react when he put the soup in front of him, just laid there. Soap had to lean partially into the cage to throw the blanket over him but as soon as he did, Ghost bit him. Luckily not too hard, just enough to break skin. He yanked away from him, surprised and a little confused.

Ghost noticed the food and quickly started eating. He ate slowly, trying not to spill or get it into his fur. Soap went to move away but Ghost snarled like he was threatened and Soap quickly stopped moving.

Once he was done, Ghost let him leave, laying back down on the floor. Soap stood next to the door and kept it open. "Do you want to get out?"

Ghost looked at him and slowly backed further into the cage.

"Alright... just... tell me when you want to get out okay? You can shift as soon as you're ready."

Ghost nodded and Soap smiled, glad to get an actual reaction. He left Ghost, sure he'd shift soon.

Two weeks. Everyone else had been either returned to family or was recovering in the nearby hospital with family. And Ghost was still just slumped in the bottom of the cage.

Soap kept him fed and Ghost didn't immediately snarl when he came by. He didn't seem to like Alejandro, remembering how he went to shoot at him. Price and Gaz didn't get a better reaction though as Ghost would just blankly stare for the most part. Sometimes, he'd catch Ghost and Price in a staring match which was weird.

"Captain..." Soap started and he could already see Price's face scrunch up.

"No. You are not taking that thing home."

"He's a person."

"Yes. He is. When he's shifted. Right now, he's dangerous."

"Look, I think if he's away from all the stress, safe in a residential home instead of on our base, he would feel more comfortable."

Price sighed. "Fine. On one condition."

"What is it?"

"He stays muzzled."

Soap slammed his hand down. "It's inhumane!"

"He's dangerous. You know I wouldn't do this if I didn't have to, but you're suggesting taking a dangerous person, one we don't, into your home. What if he's a criminal? What if he's waiting to get you alone? We don't know. So he stays muzzled. You're lucky I'm not insisting he has a shock collar."

"I wouldn't put a shock collar on a dog." Soap snapped.

"Neither would I. But a person can learn faster than a dog. So keep him muzzled unless he's eating." Price clicked his pen. "I'll fill out the paperwork for you. Tell me as soon as anything happens."

Soap wanted to argue, but he was worried Price would tell him that he couldn't take him. So Soap shut up and went to get him.

Ghost didn't really react to being muzzled or collared. He just started somewhere else. Soap decided to give him a small head pat, just to test it, but Ghost's tail stayed still. He didn't growl though, so that was a plus.

Soap started to walk and Ghost trailed behind him, not seeking him for comfort despite how clearly distraught he was. He treated Ghost with as much dignity and respect he could in the situation, even if the car ride home was the most awkward experience of Soap's life.

"Do you like music?"

Ghost stared silently.

Soap turned on the radio and pop music filled the car. After a second, the music changed to a rock station. He looked over to see Ghost looking out the window.

Weird. Soap changed it back. A minute later, back to the rock station.

"Are you doing that?"

Ghost looked at him. His eyes were human. Gorgeous too. Soap tried to piece together what he'd actually look like, but... it was hard to guess from the way he looked now. He noticed most of the paint had worn off him, just leaving the soft black fur behind.

Soap frowned. "If you did, just nod and I'll leave it okay?"

Slowly, Ghost nodded.

"Thank you." Soap turned it up a little and Ghost went back to looking out of his window. His tail gave a simple thump, not quite a wag but it was a sign of life that hadn't been there before.

He took Ghost into his apartment, surprised when he beelined to the couch and curled up on it. Soap pulled one of the blankets on top of him and Ghost slowly relaxed, eyes closing. A few minutes later, Soap heard some soft snoring.

Soap thought of what Ghost might look like again. Ex military. Maybe he had tattoos? Tall. Dark hair. If he and Alejandro were right, he might be Hispanic and ex Mexican military to be specific.

Dark brown eyes of course.

Soap gently tapped Ghost who swung around and went to bite him, only stopped by the muzzle. Maybe it was a good idea.

"I'm going to be gone a while, okay?"

Ghost stared at him for a minute before settling back down. He watched Soap leave and stretched. After a moment, he paced around the apartment, mapping it out. Simple two bedroom two bath. Well decorated, but clean. Fewer knickknacks than he expected, but it made sense if Soap was always out trying to help poor unfortunate souls like himself.

Ghost laid in the bathtub for a while, just relaxing. He closed his eyes and enjoyed himself. Maybe later, he'd turn the water on. All of the leather against his skin was something he was used to. It didn't feel nice, but comfortable.

Soap walked around the apartment, trying hard to find him. He started to panic, wondering if he left. He hadn't exactly done anything that would prevent him from leaving.

Ghost was snoozing happily in the tub, giant head on the edge.

Soap stood there, really taking in his size. He filled the tub to the brim and while most of it was probably fur, he must be massive when human.

It started slow. Ghost always seemed to be watching him right from the edge of rooms, always close to the exit. He also sat very politely during meal times. Soap made them eat together and Ghost always let him take off the mask.

Ghost noticed that Soap would disappear every few days. Every four days to be exact. And when he came back, he smelled of cologne that definitely was not his own.

Ghost didn't fucking like that. It hurt his head. He sat grumpily near Soap, not quite close enough to touch. The smell had finally worn off of him so he could stand to be in the same room.

"Ghost?"

Ghost grunted, letting Soap know he was listening.

"If you shift back, I won't say anything to anyone. Just... so we could talk. I want to help you."

Ghost got up and left the room, curling up in Soap's bed instead. He didn't want to. He'd have to talk about what happened and Soap would see his scars and he didn't want to.

Soap didn't bring it back up for a while. He kept feeding him and started to scratch him behind his ears when Ghost let him put the muzzle back on. It was a weird stalemate.

Until Mr. Awful Cologne came by. Soap flushed when he opened the door and cringed. "Ah, Marcus, loo-"

"I wanted to drop by! We're always at my place lately." He had flowers.

Ghost thought he looked like a chump, but maybe that was what Soap was into. He settled his head on his paws but he was huge and took up the entire couch, so Marcus didn't miss him.

"Soap."

"Yes."

"Who is that?"

"Look, it's not like that. He's... a special case."

"You have a werewo-"

"Wolf shifter. Important distinction."

"Whatever, in your house."

Ghost rolled his eyes and Marcus paused.

"Look, it's complicated. He hasn't shifted back and it's a whole thing. I promise, he's just here until he recovered."

Marcus glared at Ghost. He must've noticed something because he dropped it and helped Soap find a place for the flowers.

Ghost saw the cigarettes in Marcus's back pocket and he knew what must be done. He waited. And waited. Marcus turned his back and so did Soap. Quick hands grabbed the cigarettes and the lighter before disappearing.

It was a few hours later that Marcus noticed. Soap and him had went to his room, shutting the door but clearly not having sex if the TV and complete lack of any thing else was to go by.

"Did you take my smokes?" Marcus sounded irritated, like he had been since he saw Ghost.

"No. You know I don't like that kind."

"Well, unless your do-"

"His name is Ghost."

"Stole my smokes." Marcus stepped out and froze.

Soap looked around the corner to see... Ghost. He could tell by the muzzle.

The giant man. Huge fucking man. Why was he so big?? He had to be 6'4!! And he was jacked.

Soap had guessed right about the tattoos though. His chest and an arms were covered in them. The blanket around his waist prevented him from seeing much more but Soap could see the shape of his hips. Smoke poured out of the holes in the muzzle and Ghost eyed them.

Ghost was gorgeous. Drop dead gorgeous. His hair was a warm ginger color and his eyelashes were a soft blond. Even with the muzzle covering the bottom half of his face, it was clear he was good looking. Not to mention the clear definition of every muscle in his body. Yeah there were scars too, but Soap liked them.

"You have shit taste in smokes."

Manchester... was not what he predicted. Also, Soap had kinda figured out he spoke English a while ago, but he hadn't been expecting him to be English!

"I..." Marcus trailed off, staring at him. He looked scared, but Soap didn't get why. It was just Ghost.

Well... Marcus didn't really know Ghost how Soap did. He didn't know his favorite shows like Soap did. Or that he preferred rock music. Or that he preferred his steak medium instead of rare like Soap assumed.

"Are you going to leave already?" Ghost growled and he tilted his head, shadows falling over his eyes and they shined unnaturally. More smoke billowed from the mask and Marcus made the smart decision to just let him keep them. He flicked the lighter on and off, liking the clicking noise it made.

Soap stared at him. "All I had to do was get you cigarettes?"

Ghost grunted and looked away. He pulled the blanket up a little more, but it uncovered his legs and he grumbled about it.

Soap tried not to stare, but Jesus Christ how could you blame him?

"Simon."

"Huh?"

"You said when we first talked, you wanted something besides Ghost. My name is Simon." Ghost blew more smoke, leaning against the wall.

Soap nodded. "Simon. I like it. Now that you're talking, we can try to fi-"

"My family is dead Johnny. Saw their bodies myself. Any friends I had are long gone too." He took a drag.

"That why you didn't want to shift back?"

"Exactly why. What was I going to do? I knew once I talked, you guys would throw me on the streets. That's the next step right?"

"No. Absolutely not." Soap was almost offended that Ghost thought so low of him.

Ghost frowned, Soap couldn't see it, but he could see the way his eyes shifted. "I bit you. I caused you a lot of trouble."

"But I won't throw you out. I'd like to think we're a bit closer than that."

Ghost stared at him. His long hair got in his eyes. "Johnny."

"Yeah, Simon?"

"I'm going to take a bath. I need one. Do you have any clothes I can borrow?" He batted his eyelashes and Soap felt like he was under a spell.

"I'll see what I can find."

"Thank you." He sighed softly and the black leather tugged tighter against his skin. "And I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Scaring you."

"You were frightened too. Don't worry. I didn't take it personal." Soap grinned, even though he felt much more nervous now than he did twenty minutes ago.

Ghost left and Soap sent Marcus a text. "I don't think this is working out."

He then went rooting through his drawers to find anything that might fit him. He ended up with a tight t-shirt and sweatpants that would be too short.

They'd go shopping later.

[freakybongg]

I JUST SAW UR TF2 REQUESTS ARE NEWLEY OPEN IM BITING THE BARS OF MY ENCLOSURE

I am......SO desperate......for anything with a male reader with all the mercs......ESPECIALLY MEDIC AND SOLDIER (theyre my baby girls 😼‼️)

But if you want something extra specific, I would love some headcanons on how they feel about a trans guy reader!

Thankyew so much🤌🤌

YEAHHH i barely see any x male reader so yiypiyppee im so happy to do this request, i am SUPER bad at writing pyro btw im doing this in parts bc its long! so this will be scout soldier pyro and demoman.

PART 1

SCOUT

-He feel like he doesnt mind, like "okay? why are you telling me?" typa feel. If you guys are close he'll take it into consideration. He'd make sure that no one bullies you for it, and prob knocks their skull out to be honest.

-He never seems to make you feel uneasy about being trans. He never left you out of "The Boys" day. always called you dude or bro. It made you feel warm inside.

-If you guys are dating, im sure he wouldnt care if you were trans, assuming you tell him before you start dating. If you having any gender dysphoria he'll be sure to comfort you. Saying things along the lines of " Dude, youre the most handsome man ive ever met" or makes jokes to keep your mind off of it.

-If you have your period, im pretty sure scout gets the gist of it since he lived with his mom for quite awhile, he prob brings u to medic for help.

SOLDIER

-Firstly soldier was confused, but after sometime he didnt mind/forgot you were even trans.

-When you get gender dysphoria he thinks youre sick, like if you come out to breakfest he'll yell "CEDET, BACK INTO SLEEPING QUARTERS NOW. YOU ARE SICK.'' you're as confused as the medic who js gave you a check up. After you figure out what hes talking about and tell him he'll be like, "oh." and js walk away like nothing happened.

-He might use cupcake on you less, to not trigger you.

-He for sure has the "to be a real man u must work for it" mindset and WILL push you to your limit, on battlefields, training, and maybe even the bedroom lol.

-If anyone bullies you he WILL punish them bro "YOU SAY THAT THO, THEY ARE MANLIER THAN YOU, MAGGOT. 20 LAPS." will literally punch anyone who makes you feel bad abt your gender

-He LOVES when you do anything manly, like he will praise you if you just beat scout in a arm wrestle, defend your self, or kill an enemy.

PYRO

-Pyro understands when you tell them, immediately hugs you

-When youre having dysphoria, they'll cuddle you, in their little plushie fort, snacks stolen from the pantry, movie and everything!!!

-If someone makes fun of you Pyro will launch their self onto them and land a few punches, and go back into your arms like it was nothing. how sweet pyro !!!

DEMOMAN

-Demoman is super cool with it, he doesnt mind at all

-Im sure he's met at LEAST one transgender, plus he thinks its cool you trust him enough to tell him something personal

-If youre dating him, he holds you while hes drunking calling you all types of sweet names, like "my boy" or "handsome". Also he calls you lad way more often then anymore merc?? like he puts it after every sentence damn near.

[neitherabaron]

Really looking forward to the Chris Pine D&D movie, and I want to share some love for the original attempt at a D&D film from 2000!

Make no mistake, this is a so-bad-it’s-good film, with digital effects that are ropey as hell (especially when you consider that Fellowship of the Ring was already in post-production in 2000), a plot so disjointed it barely exists, (including a final battle that the main characters don’t even really take part in) and staggering levels of camp.

But it’s fucking charming.

Jeremy Irons (Scar from The Lion King) is the villain, an evil archmage who wants to overthrow an (not particularly benevolent anyway) empire with a plan that is never really clear but involves dragons?

Just look at this guy:

:readmore:

He walks about like that for the whole film, waggling his fingers slowly so you know he’s the baddie. He has an office where all the furniture and decor is made of human skulls and bones (a real location; I believe it’s a church somewhere?) and likes swooping his cape about. And Jeremy Irons himself is so bored, it’s hilarious. I seem to remember that in the dvd extras he’s interviewed alongside Gary Gygax and pretty much expresses open disdain for the whole process. He’s a serious actor! This is beneath him!

Elsewhere on the supporting cast, we have a henchman with spiky armour and inexplicably blue lips that are always pouting in a way that seems vaguely sexual; Tom Baker(!) as a wood elf Druid who only exists in order to say something vaguely mystic about dragons for 20 seconds before disappearing forever; and Richard O’Brien in full fey bastard mode as a camp thieves’ guild master who challenges the party to…find a crystal…in a deadly maze filled with traps and puzzles. Like in that game show he used to present…I forget the name. I wanna say Diamond Labyrinth? 😂

As for the party, it’s all delightfully one-note characters. We’ve got a rogue? bard? who goes from being a selfish dickhead to altruistic freedom fighter on a dime. Some dialogue suggests he’s some kind of chosen one, but the plot never actually explores or resolves that. Then there’s a wizard who doesn’t like poor people, an elf fighter who doesn’t like anyone, a dwarf who’s so out of it he barely knows he’s there and is never given any character motivation to explain why he’s travelling with these guys; and some dude called Snails, whose personality is…he’s scared? Basically Shaggy without Scooby.

These guys have to save a princess from Jeremy Irons, who wants to kill her because she has friendly dragons or something. But here’s the great thing: the party have very little reason to want to rescue her (most of them as non-mages are actively oppressed and even enslaved by the ruling mage class of which she is the figurehead) and they never actually *meet* her until the very end of the film, after the evil archmage has pretty much already been defeated - by the princess and her dragons btw, not the party, who basically teleport a magic wand to her and then just watch.

They rescue her because in order for the film to be a film, there needs to be an end goal, even if it’s totally arbitrary. And that’s what I love. Isn’t that just so reflective of a slightly haphazard campaign of Dungeons & Dragons with a party that’s hastily thrown together?

And there are more similarities that compound this feeling of watching some randoms play a home campaign. The plot as I mentioned is disjointed. It’s not a series of events that flows or has any kind of pacing - the movie is a series of 15 minute adventures that don’t really connect to each other or build to the ending. As if the director is a dungeon master arbitrarily stringing together modular adventure sourcebooks! Let’s storm a castle for reasons! Great, now let’s raid a tomb. No, I don’t know why. At one point a party member just bounces from the plot and is never seen again, just like that player in your group who never shows up and you all just move on.

It’s like the writers transcribed a home campaign, warts and all, into script form and then somehow successfully pitched it as a B-movie. Though the Chris Pine version will doubtlessly be a much better movie, Dungeons & Dragons (2000) is perhaps the most accurate possible dramatic presentation of D&D as it actually is in practice for most people playing it. What could be more charming than that?

[expiredmannequin]

SHIPS, DYNAMICS & MY HEADCANONS PT.1

I'm posting this scared style since I know it's my own interpretation and all ,, I'm just super nervous to share out of fear people will beat me with a stick for my own opinions.

I'm being brave!!!!! Here's the first one: jirkdake

Text On The Images

Top Image:

Ship 1 → Jake & Dirk

Jake: “ HaHa! Good ole Strider! ”

Dirk: “ Shut up. ”

Dirk's Image:

Dirk Strider

- He/Him

- Unlabled, Agender Male, Ace-Spec

- 12mm Gauges

- Ocular Albinism; 20/70 Vision → Grew out of his eyes shaking → Prescribed sunglasses

- Autistic

- Cluster-B; Histrionic & Borderline Personality Disorder

Jake's Image:

Jake English

- He/They

- Nonbinary Masc, Achillean, DemiAroAce

- Cluster-C; OCD

→ Tan (outdoorsy)

→ chops!!!

→ overbite

I also decidee to take some creative liberty and move the skull imagery Jake usually has on hist shirt onto a belt buckle!

Just because I thought it'd be silly and that it weirdly would fit if he was just a belt collector in a silly way.

Anyways ,, I hope you guys (maybe) enjoyed this!!! I'm posting this super scared style trying to put my own ideas out there 😞!!!

I interperet characters several different ways though so this is just..one of hundreds of ways that I interperet just these two alone!!!!!!

I hope to try and do more like this soon <3!!!!!! But for now my back hurts like HELL so I'm gonna go rest up ^_^!

*BTW calling it jirkdake is a little joke ig I decided to incorporate in all of a sudden because I'm so exhausted I accidentally typed their names wrong T_T

~ EXP

[pigeonpeach]

You’re safe now

A/n: boothills backstory had me sobbing so I made this. This isn’t a x reader btw its just boothill being fatherly over a stranded kiddo. I just got inspo of this randomly so here it is

“See? i can eat just about anything now.” He laughed as the little girl looked on in amazement. He never expected to see s kid this far out in peacony, far from the protection and stuck in the middle where dozens of stray robots and creatures lurked waiting to turn the innocent little girl into s splatter. That thought angered him. The thought that there was anyone or anything in this world so cruel to do that. She hadn’t hurt no one, she didn’t do nothing a kid wouldn’t be expected to. But more importantly, she looked like his had. His little sweetheart who started walking when she saw him come home. The little bundle of joy he found tossed like trash that he coddled and raised. That bundle was now gone, along with all he had known thanks to the jerks at the IPC. He was going to make sure they paid no doubt, he wouldn’t let that Oswald off so easy. No money in the world could buy him off, he’d have him beaten and bloody begging for mercy before putting rounds and rounds of bullets into his stupid fucking face. He wouldn’t stop until his fuckin skull was dust. But for now his focus was on the stranded girl. She was so little, so innocent, she was also very scared. She clung to him so tightly. She was a halovian, her wings were so tiny and cute, her little halo made her look like s true beacon of innocence. How could he just let her become another tragedy? He may be s cyborg now but he has more of a heart than most people do.

“Could you even eat the sundaes but with the glass intact?” She asked. He chuckled. “Of course. Once we get back to the main city I’ll show you, how about that?” He said. She nodded. “By the way, wheres your parents at.” He asked. She paused before looking down.

“Well… they aren’t here right now.. I was supposed to be watched by my uncle but… he brought over some friends and they got real noisy, I wanted to visit my friend but I got lost.” She said. He pondered, that wasn’t exactly a address, but kids don’t usually know their addresses anyways. He could probably report it to the bloodhounds but take her with him around the city to keep her distracted and happy. He wasn’t sure what their policy was with lost kids though.

“Now when you say ‘aren’t here’ do you mean like they aren’t home or…”

“They’re not in Peacony right now. They told me they’d be gone for a bit but they’d be back.” She said. God she was adorable, her little wings looked so soft he wondered if she preened them like birds do where they take broken feather out or groom themselves, or do halovians have a brush?

“Ah I see. Whats your uncle like?” He asked. She followed behind him as they walked through the empty and confusing landscapes.

“Well he’s loud. Too loud. He’s also to touchy. He gets all up in your face like ‘Oh my gosh I haven’t seen you in soooo looooong’ but he saw you a week ago! His friends got really noisy. I think they were playing some game.” She said. He pretended to be interested but he was also scanning the area for enemies ahead. Of course he still cared but he needed her to be distracted while he kept watch.

“Sounds awful. They couldn’t get a better babysitter?”

“I know right!” She agreed. “Say, why are those tv guys so mean here? In the Golden hour all this machines are so friendly. One even gave me candy once… but that one back there… it was angry at me… did I do something wrong?”

“Sugar, the ones here are feral. They aren’t allowed around people and if they get caught by any of those bloodhounds they’re supposed to take care of em’. You didn’t do nothing wrong kiddo.” He said. “In the future you shouldn’t approach any wild ones.”

“Okay Mister Boot.” She said. He chuckled, that name was quite silly even to him. He liked it.

“Now, just stick behind me okay? We are in enemy territory here so caution is necessary.” He said.

“Enemy territory? Oh like when Brother Hanu has to sneak through the bad guys bases! I love those cartoons!”

“Something like that. Now you focus on being hidden while I do all the heavy lifting okay?” He looked at her as she nodded excitedly. Apart of him felt so natural taking care of her. Selfishly he kinda had hoped she’d been a orphan so he could scoop her up and take her with him. He missed having a family, having a home. And although he could never replace his baby girl he couldn’t ever stand to see a child cry or be alone.

“Mister Boot? Do you have any parents?” She asked. “Or would that be like s screwdriver..” he paused.

“Yeah I did. And they weren’t screwdrivers.” He smiled reminiscing on those memories of his family, how they took him in, how close they all were. Just them on the ranch.

“Are they alive?” She asked. He was a little surprised, kids like her don’t usually know the concept of death. Her parents are supposedly still alive so he wondered were this came from.

“No.. they aren’t. But they loved me dearly and I cary them on in my mechanical heart.” He said, he pretended to be okay about it, that he had moved on. He had to, after all children rely on adults for morality and hope. He couldn’t let her know how painful it was, that’s her parents job to do.

“I.. I worry sometimes.. mama and daddy seem to be In trouble.. but they won’t tell me anything about it… Uncle said I should lay low and wouldnt let me out today.” She said. She seemed more anxious than ever. “If I lost my papa and mama.. then what would I do.. I can’t lose them…” tears pooled in her eyes. “I don’t wanna lose them to the bad people. I don’t wanna be alone!” She cried now. He quickly lifted her to his chest, holding her close, one hand supporting her with the other still on his pistol.

“There there. I’m sure wherever and whatever business they got they’ll handle. Don’t worry kiddo, you’ll see em again.” He said.

“But what if? What if they do go.. my uncle is in no position to take care of me…” her cries were s lil muffled. He hostled his gun to pat her on the back.

“You know something? while people can die, they don’t leave you. Everyone you love sticks with you. In your heart and in your mind.” He said. “You’ll remember their voice and their words, and you’ll remember their love. It won’t be easy, it hurts alot but no one can take that from you.” He said with a smile. She seemed to top crying as she wiped her tears away.

“Really?” She asked. He nodded.

“Yeah. So long as you keep living, and you don’t ever let them get you, they live on in your heart and in your memories.” He said with a smile.

“Okay.” She laid her head in his chest again, listening to the motors and gears as he continued walking.

“Oh we’re here! See? Safe and sound.” He said. She perked up to see the familiar lights close by. The spotlights, the noise of the city returning. She seemed happier.

“Can we get icecream? I’m kinda hungry.” She asked. He chuckled.

“Of course, I’ll even show you that trick I promised.” He winked.

“Thank you so much for helping us find our daughter! I cannot thank you enough.” The man in front of him was close to kissing his feet from the looks of it. It just so happens that they returned early from their trip and came home panicked when they didn’t find her.

“Its no problem really. If you ever need any help here,” he wrote his number on a piece of paper and handed it to them. “Id also be okay with babysitting, that brother of yours didn’t do a proper job if she managed to get out so easily.”

“Yes I assure you he won’t be trusted with such again. Thank you again so much.” He said. He trusted her parents. They looked relieved to see their lil girl again. The little girl snuggled in her momma’s arms, it looked like she’d live the rest of her life like that with how tight she was held.

“Alright, don’t go running away anymore lil missy. Just give me a call if you need anything.” He said. She turned to him and nodded, there was still a little chocolate icecream on her lips that was now rubbing off on her mother’s shirt.

“Okay Mister boot! Please come visit sometime!” She said waving goodbye. He smiled, as he nodded.

“Yeah, I’m sure we’ll run into each other again.” He said. “Just be good, and don’t ever give up.”

[softness-and-shattering]

Ok the latest episode of dungeon meshi is gory as fuck.

Major episode 11 SPOILERS

Given that the episode is dragon part one, I assumed they would fight the dragon, mostly fail, cliffhanger, and the next episode would be defeating it.

I did NOT expect them to kill it, root around its insides, and find Falins fucking bones!!

The foot comes down on Senshi and he immediately vomits blood? Chilchuk knocked out by bricks to the head, Laios loses his leg?! (Nitpick but. If the leg was disconnected what was keeping him from falling out the dragons mouth? Anime rule of cool physics?)

And then. Chilchuk and Senshi is heaps of pain and Laios' leg is just itchy? Its a good joke, but I think there's more. Those heals were too easy after that amount of unprecedented violent gore.

Laios had a btw-line about of the dragon and is mating and then dismissed the thought with no given reason. So I think next episode theres gonna be a second Red dragon. ( Its possible part 2 will be next season, but following more common episode title namings, red dragon 1 and 2 will be the season finale. )

And theres the unanswered question of the whole season, why is the dragon more active, why is the ecosystem of the dungeon off-balance. I think next episode will be our big clue.

Re Falin, its no coinicidence we were introduced to the racist rich guy who assures us that souls dont leave bodies in the dungeon. That was confusing up till the last episode because the characters sure act like death is possible, and we've seen dead people and heard about body-retrieval. Then Namari goes to revivals to ask about Falin and there are bodies stored behind the desk guy. Which puts the pieces together, bodies that can be retrieved are retrieved, and the people can be revived. If someone cares to, and presumably pays for it. Someones gotta pay for retrievals.

Its also no accident that our warm-fuzzy sibling scene before finding Falins skull is about a ghost who is trapped with his body, and Falins intuition/ability with ghost magic. Can she be revived, will she stick around as a ghost, remains to be seen. (Remains.)

As someone who hasnt yet read the manga, Im also curious about long term story. Ive gotten the impression that theres significant story to go, possibly probably they reach the end of the dungeon? But Ive not seen Falin present in any of the art, and for the story to continue they need motivation to keep going.

So Im guessing that Falin ends up as a ghost, or unreviveable, and they have to get to the bottom to find the mad mage, work out what stops people from crossing over post-death (does that include monsters, orcs, humanoid mermaids or fish-oid[???]mermen), and only then can they bring Falin back to life.

That or they revive her and theres some other plot hook, but my guess is what I just described.

(Another silly nitpick, the fire is blocked by the adamantium but the heat isnt a problem until after the fire is done? "WE HAVE TO MAKE SURE TO EXHAUST ALL ITS FUEL" THAT WOULDVE LEFT FALIN BEYOND ALL HOPE!!!!!!)

And its funny re Senshi's knife, ooh its mithril it can cut through anything, well of course! he's used it to cut every single monster theyve eaten! And we never wondered how! Foreshadowing by cookware, its ridiculous and I love it.

Last point is it just me or are...is it Kaka and Kiki? Theyre discount Vex and Vax, right?

[speedybeta]

The sixth member headcannon was sooo good, pls make more 🙏

Being the 6th member of Beta squad Part 2

PART 1 , MASTERLIST 𖦹ׂ 𓈒 ／ ⋆ ۪

A/n: thank you guys for the likes on the first headcanon I appreciate it ♡

Warnings: none!! Switched up the style btw I'm improving

Being a member is fun but the thing that you hated the most was the amount of times you've been shipped with one of the others.

You'd definitely get shipped with Sharky most of the time. Sharky flirts with you the most while AJ does it the least

You'd constantly get called a "pick me" all because you're in the beta squad and the only female member but it's obvious the haters r just jealous

I imagine you having beef or something with a member from the sideman or amp as a joke (from sideman KSI and from AMP it would probably be Agent or Kai)

The other members of the beta squad definitely flirt with you a lot as a joke

"guess the gold digger (your name) edition they were a bit jealous watching while you went on a date with random men n that kinda made them realize that they all might have a thing for you

Kai cenat probably would have a little crush on you n try to make a move on you doing the Collabs

You were a guest on Kai's stream before, and just like tyla, he asks you out in front of the whole stream.. as attractive as kai is, you said no because he's obviously not looking for something genuine

Speaking of Collabs, they always made sure you weren't uncomfortable while collaborating with other YouTubers like the silent library video with amp

In the silent library video, of course some of the challenges were things you and the boys didn't really do on the beta squad, they of course said they'd switch cards with you in case you weren't comfortable doing a challenge

Like the weenie challenge, let's say you got the skull card and felt uncomfortable with doing it, they would of course do it for you

Living in the beta squad house was such a fun time

It was so hectic but fun

You felt so safe in that house

You kept the house tidy with the help of Chunkz

If you're a good cook, they'd beg for you to cook them something

Of course you would. especially for AJ since you didn't want him to order unhealthy food everyday

Whenever you were bored and one of the boys were home you'd just bother them like an annoying little sibling

Watching the lion king with Chunkz whenever you were bored and he was home (you guys watched that movie over 40 times together)

Brainstorming video ideas with Niko and helping him with videos for his channel

You and AJ playing video games together for house straight

Working out with Kenny or going with him for runs

You forcing Sharky to watch SpongeBob with you (just a random scenario I made)

They'd constantly come into your room just to annoy you (especially Niko or AJ) they act like annoying brothers who come into your room to move your stuff around, mess up your bed, then leaving without closing the door

So many arguments and bickering living all together

Even after you moved out, they'd still show up uninvited to your house

They always are there for you and never do anything to make you feel uncomfortable.

If you have anxiety or social anxiety the boys are always there to help you feel better

The boys know you so well, they can tell when you're feeling uncomfortable talking to someone. Like maybe a fan was making you feel uncomfortable, they'd jump into the conversation quickly and end it

If anybody ever tries to hurt or harm you during a video, let's say the pretending to work at a McDonald's drive through, they'd probably beat them up (mostly Kenny, Chunkz, Or Niko. AJ would stay close to you and make sure you're safe, I don't think AJ would jump in 😭 bur just like the video where the random hobo attacked the camera man and Niko and Kenny were there)

They'd Never leave you out or exclude you in stuff, they always invite you and never do anything without you

They always come to you for advice on girls since you of course give good advice (unless you don't)

If you're smart and always get questions right in the weakest link, quiz of the year, mastermind, etc chunkz would get annoyed for not being the smartest

Maybe back when you first started YouTube and met Chunkz and Sharky, fans would say you'd had a sibling bond with them (meaning you acted like siblings)

Niko definitely teases you the most. He comes up with the most random insults for you that make zero sense

AJ loves to bother you and acts like an annoying little brother. During filming, you two argue over random things which makes the videos more entertaining

Sharky flirts with you a lot. But besides that, he can sometimes act like an overprotective best friend.

Kenny and you laugh at anything and everything. Constantly hitting each other while laughing in videos

Chunkz and you break out into songs randomly. Even though all the boys tease you, he's second to tease you the most.

But you have a bond with each one of the boys, you have a close relationship with them all. There's no awkwardness between you and any of them.

♡━━━━━♡

I tried.. but thank you guys for the requests, I'm working on all the NSFW alphabets n everything else 💙💙 this was kinda random but I definitely would make three cause there's so many scenarios I could imagine 🐁🐀🐁🐀🐁🐀

[phasewashere]

rdr2 character hcs but they are all over the place

the reason hosea and dutch even met was because they were some town on the road to chicago and dutch kept stealing hoseas takes in the town so he went over there to steal all his shit and then. yknow the rest of the story. they hated eachother for a bit tho

dutch was the wildest fucking child to me. lil protestant shepherd boy in a farming community?? no he was horse racing, gambling on horse racing, drinking, smoking etc etc. also he would rather read in like a tree or smth rather than do his chores. also mother and son with bipolar 1 doesn't make the greatest concotion so theres just a lot to unpack there

also dutch's dad got him a dog as not only a working companion but someone to keep him company while he was away at war. guess what. he never came back

also dutch's dad was related to the dutch royal like. line or whatever and with all the economic shit going on he went over to the states to try and get with bankers and instead fell in love with a former english peasant. good for him

when dutch ran away (after his mom hit him with a lantern. my brain feels this is important) he made it to pittsburgh where he met the o'driscoll brothers who were the children of irish immigrants who ran with a ragtag gang of other street children and immigrants. also uncle was there

if it wasn't for dutch uncle would've been mugged, run over by a carriage, and shanked. and the way dutch kept getting him out of it was that uncle was his. well. "uncle" and he was just his concerned "nephew" uncle thought this was hillarious and refused to tell dutch his name because "uncle" was funnier to him

bessie is intersex AND transfemme fuck you. also her husband was abusive and she killed him and eventually ran into the van der linde gang when they were both on the run and then she fell in love with hosea and got to find true love :3 bc she deserves it

susan and the guy she mentions she was married too got married really young because they were sososoososo in love but then he died in a factory accident and she was widowed. she went on to travel out west and become a working woman and eventually a madam. because if fucking nothing that woman can MANAGE. eventually she meets dutch and they fool around and he tries to convince her to come with them. and while most of his points are bullshit she decides that some of them make sense and goes "fuck it"

yknow the rabbit matthews guy mentioned like. once? yeah thats hoseas dad and he came out of canada and a french canadian immigrant (where hosea gets the bit) with his brother (who goes on to get married and have a son). he is called rabbit matthews because of the rate at which this man fucks. it is wild. legend says he fathered 100 children in total. there is only six others beside hosea.

the matthews (hosea and his mother) live in the norhtern most points of the appalachias (new england area. makes it easier for him to get to nyc)

also hosea and his mother are jewish. so hes like. a french canadian jewish man.

hosea is wanted in new york for murder because when he finally got onto the stage his producer had beef with him. and then hosea pushed him down a flight of stairs and killed him. whoopsies

annabel was a working woman that started running with the o'driscolls and was kinda like colm's brothers lover?? sorta. and then when dutch came along again when he started working with them again they got together

colm and dutch were fucking btw. its just as bad as it sounds. so annabel and dutch were basically like. "wow ur bf sucks""yeah""we should get together btw"

young dutch van der linde hated church with a PASSION

also dutch and colm's brother got in the most fucked up fist fight over annabel and when dutch was about to get his fucking skull cracked arthur stepped in. got his ass beat. and THEN dutch got his act together. and unloaded a round into colm's brother. uncommon dutch w

thats,,, all i got that i can think of

[boxwinebaddie]

HI Uncle Nina <3 Can we hear about how your Rm!Style met as kids?

listen, you guys. i am SO excited for this!!! words cannot express how excited it makes me when i get to talk about the prequel, like they are sooo stikin' cute in the prequel!!! ilysm baby raven and jersey. MWAH!

*eldritchhorror!kenny!nina cracks knuckles n opens up a portal* okay girls, gays n gays, we're going on a field trip,

TO THE PAST!

( i’m chaotic bi ms. frizzle in the pink y2k hello kitty bus )

so, i gotta be honest, my friends, i don't know EXACTLY how old the boys are, but i am gonna say they are anywhere between 6-8 y/o. it's summer time and the broflovski's have just moved to southern park, colorado from sheila's hometown in new jersey...and have moved in right next door...to the marsh family, namely:

ravenstanley r.w. marsh.

who i am using as a primary narrator...FOR ONCE!

because to tell you this was the best day of his life was an goddamn understatement...to tell you that this changed his life, even, is a fkn understatement because this moment, this fateful day GAVE HIS ENTIRE LIFE MEANING. meeting kyle broflovski...was Everything.

again, it wasn't just like 'oh, this boy who moved next door to me is kinda cute, i might have a crush on him'

It Was Dead Serious, Guys.

a teeny tiny, itsy bitsy, ickle ravenstanley marsh heard a single loud, angry, brutal note of the kyle broflovski new jersey slaughterhouse and was immediately irreversibly head over heels IN LOVE with him.

fresh from jersey kyle asked stan if he could open his fresca and the man's synesthesia was flashing, spinning, ringing and dinging like he was playing the world's biggest slot machine and just hit JACKPOT.

and that was before he got a good look at him because...

Wooooowza. <3

all the hundreds of little freckles speckled over his skin like sun-stars, his big, beautiful curly red hair, his gorgeous, glowering mean, green eyes ravenstan was legitimately Breathtaken by kyle's beauty, omfg.

however, the funniest part abt all of this to me is that poor sweet pre!rm rae is legitimately having divine visions and hearing angelic choirs, meanwhile pre!rm jers is just staring blankly at this weird, giant-eyed freaky mouth-breathing rural colorado kid ( who ig is his neighbor now, smh ) that's just staring up at him and sweating and shaking and looks like he's having a Stroke.

edit: i forgot to describe what they looked like so know that ravenstan had come out of the house because his mom told him to say hi to the neighbors and help them with boxes and stuff, say hi to their son, etc.

i think his hair is shoulder length, but its in a lil ponytail, he's in randy's gigantic black sabbath t-shirt, probably has a gigantic edgy boy temp tattoo of a skull or a snake on his neck, smh, little like hot wheels, boy section of target-esqe stickers all over his face and arms, little other edgy elementary school boy marker tattoos on his arms because he literally has always been a rockstar.

meanwhile, jersey, in canon ncu baby kyle fashion, is wearing his gigantic kyle signature orange coat and green ushanka IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER because he is self conscious and sheila bought both on sale at the mall during summer when the winter stuff is all half up because she's a thrifty queen and wants him to get wear out of them and break them in...smh.

so he is sweating like hell and just wants to get his fresca open, which is very vintage and still comes in the bottle.

but regarding The Fresca Of Fate,

stan Does eventually ( open / it. )

...in the most chaotic, unhinged way possible, btw.

which is that baby ravenstan bites, rips and twists the cap off with his teeth like a feral fucking animal ( which i think happened because he was legitimately panicking like holy shit, what do i do, what the Fuck do i doooo?!?! i don't know how to get this open but the beautiful spotty boy w/ the perfect voice asked me to do it, so ¡oRALE! )

note: it is this party trick that he'd seen randy do a couple of times and just replicated, but totally ripped his lip open in the process, btw.

anyways, rae hands the fresca back to baby jersey and because he is a fkn idiot but also a superstar ( i love u raven ) shoots kyle the signature stanley marsh wink-peace sign-finger gun combo wombo.

and jersey is just SHOOK because that was, in fact, criminally insane, but also...kinda cool? and an oddly touching gesture because he could have just handed the bottle back or said go fuck yourself, new kid! because he didn't give a shit about this kid from next door and his parents were both busy...but wanted kyle to have his little drinky poo so bad that he literally busted his lip open turning into a can-opener for ky...and did the cutest, weirdest most awkward hand-sign ever.

tldr; it was brave and reckless and boyish and radiant. and kyle, who usually is highly disgusted by the germs of other people...finds that brings the lip of the fresca bottle to his with ease, sips his drink, which tastes like victory and probably a bit like cinnamon red hots, watches his weirdo neighbor give him the wink peace sign finger gun combo and is so weirdly endeared by this that he...

gives stan a rare kyle smile and even rarer kyle laugh. :’)

and this is so glorious and gorgeous to ravenstan that he literally cannot breathe, his heart is pounding in his chest, he is fkn shaking, goes to say something and immediately THROWS UP ALL OVER KYLE AND PASSES OUT. skhdlksahdsh HEEEEELP NO.

but yeah...that's how dad and dad met. please note that in canon ncu fashion ravenstan followed jersey around like a lovesick puppy, ignoring all of the kids trying to get his attention and play with him, desperate for kyle to acknowledge his existence for literally five seconds or accept his offer of being super best friends...

all the while, jerseykyle is trying to get away from him because he doesn't like other people, doesn't want to be friends, just wants to be left alone and be alone skhdld and is like weird kid with the giant eyeballs PLEASE FUCK OFF ( this does make stan fall more in love with him, stan i need you to go to therapy for the type of guys u like ) and this apathy and disinterest continues until...

stan takes the stark's pond hockey puck for him.

and suddenly, kyle's cold dead heart starts beating again, he sees ravenstan in the hospital recovering from slicing his face and mouth open again, who smiles so hard he RIPS his stitches open again, smh and from that moment on, they are Super Best Friends.

but both secretly want something more, legend says.

-uncle nina, obsessed with the prequel <3