#hmmm complicate topic

[feelingthedisaster]

if this gets more than 100 notes i will write that chapter

if this gets more than 200 notes i will write two chapters

if this gets more than 500 notes i will power through with who-knows-where-it-comes-from energy and write at least four more chapters (they're short chapters, but still)

if this gets more than 1000 i will post that other fic that has been in my drafts for five months

[postmail]

i want to draw but its too late out..... i shouldnt get out my art stuff rn

guess i could just write instead

[httpiastri]

PERFECTLY FINE – CHAPTER ONE (BAHRAIN)

genre: fluff, angst, etc.

warnings: hmmm nothing i think

word count: 5.3k

author's note: aaaa first chapter !! i don't rlly like it but still !!!! a very much opener/get-to-know-the-characters/intro chapter, so maybe boring at times idk. still so excited, thanks to everyone who's contributed. love u all <333

author's note pt2: when i write about the different drivers and their living situations, i know it's not all accurate to how they actually live irl. ik i wrote modena instead of maranello here for ollie although idk exactly when he moved, but there are mentions of milton keynes for the rbj drivers bcs it made it easier for me. anyways, just go with whatever i say about how they live lol. also !!!! i changed yn's team from mp to campos hehe. okay now let's start :)

series masterlist

the winter break coming to an end is always a bittersweet feeling.

having a lot of free time to catch up with friends and family is always greatly appreciated, but at the same time, it doesn't take many days before you miss racing after the last race of the season. especially when the season is as short as the f3 season is, and especially when you don't partake in any of the winter-season races.

this year, though, coming back to the paddock doesn't feel as complicated as it most often does. your heart is light and your smile is big as you enter through the gates after the long taxi ride from your hotel, and you already can't wait to get started.

as you make your way toward the campos truck, you greet a few people you meet here and there, but it's the sight of a head full of dark, curly hair that makes you stop in your tracks. "jak!"

the american turns around when he hears your voice, grin taking over his face already. you strut all the way over to him, practically throwing yourself into his arms. "hey there," he chuckles, giving you a big hug.

"oh, i've missed you so much!" you exclaim, giving him one last squeeze before pulling away. "it feels like i haven't seen you in ages."

"right? the break was way too long."

juan pokes his head through the door to the truck when he hears your voices, making some kind of comment about all of these loud teenagers always causing a commotion, before coming down to greet you with a hug as well. "how was your break?" he asks.

"wonderful, really. i spent most of it at home, catching up with family and friends. then me and ollie-" your eyes widen at your own words. you clear your throat, looking away from both of the boys for a second. "well, i went to italy."

your relationship with ollie isn't exactly a secret around the paddock, but it's a bit of an unspoken rule not to mention it too much. both because you all want to separate your personal lives from your racing ones – you don't wish to crash into a close friend like jak any more than you'd like to crash into ollie, after all – and because a certain other driver might be around to hear.

someone who's quite the conflict of interest in this specific topic.

your break truly was wonderful. it felt like the only things on your schedule were skiing in the italian mountains, gym-and sim-training, and just relaxing at home in england to recharge for the next season. you had spent a lot of it with ollie, getting to know both him and his family better. it hadn't taken you long before you were best friends with his little sister, sharing little inside jokes and spending time cheering her on at the stable. and you'd even grown surprisingly close with ollie's younger brother, and you loved seeing the three siblings interact.

they all made you feel truly at home with them, like an extended family. you couldn't have asked for anything more.

ollie was well-known in your family even before the break, especially considering how he was one of the first drivers your father picked out for the academy. and during the break, he only further impressed them; he always helped out with household tasks, he did his best to create connections to every relative of yours that he met, and he even bought the sweetest little christmas presents for your parents and grandparents. however, just the mention of italy in your current conversation is enough to make the dams drivers understand. no other detail is necessary.

when you're done talking about your break, it's juan's turn, and then jak's. during the catchup, more and more people drop by to say hello, and it doesn't take long before there's a full-on gathering outside the dams truck. dennis, another one of your former academy members, and pepe, your new teammate and newly found platonic soulmate, both listen in as jak tells you all about how jetlagged he is after coming back from the states just two days ago. "have you gotten properly settled in with aston?" you ask with a smile.

"totally. it's been great, honestly. even the apartment they found for me is top-notch."

"oh? better than milton keynes?"

jak raises his eyebrows at you, and then he bursts out laughing. "duh." throughout the many years of living next-door from each other, there wasn't a single day when the two of you didn't complain about something the apartment complex. the smell, the noise, the trails of blood in the staircase; not exactly things you'll miss when you move out one day.

"i still can't really believe we're not neighbors anymore," you complain, jutting out your bottom lip as you speak. "i've been so close to knocking on your old door so many times, but now some other freak lives there-"

"hey!" pepe shoves your shoulder, and the whole group laughs. "you're much worse than i am!"

"i'm so glad i finally moved out of there," dennis chimes in. "if i had been neighbors with y/n and pepe at the same time… i don't think i would've gotten any sleep at all, man."

"i didn't get any sleep for four years when i lived there..." jak groans.

"is this your first time in a series together?" juan jumps in, looking between you and jak, but seems surprised when you both nod. "best friends but you've never raced each other? maybe this season is what forces you apart."

"yeah, what will you do if i crash into you when you're in the lead?" jak teases, pressing an elbow into your side.

"then i think a few compromising pictures of you might make their way to the aston martin headquarters..."

when it's like this, being on the same grid with all of these people is so easy. you're all friends, not opponents. all in the same boat with the same excitement and expectations for the season. unfortunately, you know it won't stay this uncomplicated for long. when you're actually out on track in a few weeks, forcing each other into the walls and swearing at each other over the team radios, there won't be any more happy faces.

but for now, you enjoy smiling with the people who are just as much your friends as they are your enemies. that is, until you spot someone else joining your little group.

paul.

suddenly, the smile feels much more forced; the air is thicker and harder to breathe in. and when he makes his way over to you, a lump forms in your throat.

a lump you understand probably won't disappear all season.

the second you're back in your hotel room, you reach for the little dark blue book you've hidden in your bedside drawer. the pen in your hand is one you've had for years, one you always bring with you to every race weekend. the ink has been refilled possibly hundreds of times, but the plastic body has remained the same ever since you bought it.

the journal itself is torn; it's been used and loved for many years, too. it's like an extra best friend, a second home. when you're writing in it, it's one of the few times you feel like you can actually be your true, authentic self – it's one of the few times when you're not afraid that someone will judge your emotions or thoughts.

today, you know what you want to write about instantly.

i saw paul for the first time since abu dhabi.

i haven't been able to stop thinking about him. no matter how hard, i couldn't get him out of my mind. i've been wondering what he looks like now, how his voice has changed, if his smile is still as bright. and suddenly, he was there and i saw him.

the answer? he's just as he always was. and i can't tell if that makes me feel alright or awful.

you're pulled out of your head by the sound of a knock on your door, and you instantly scramble to hide your journal in the drawer again. the second you pull the door open and ollie's gaze meets yours, it's like all of your previous thoughts disappear. it's just you and him again; no one else even exists.

especially not paul.

"are you ready to go?" ollie asks, hands finding your sides as he leans in to press a quick kiss to your cheek. "i found the address of some good pasta place, it's just a few blocks from here."

you nod, your hands landing on top of his and giving them a quick squeeze before pulling away. "i just need to put on some earrings," you start, backing into the room. "will you help me choose?"

"of course."

"carlos set a stunning lap today. did you see it?"

the question makes you roll your eyes, letting out a sigh as you bring out three plates from the cupboard above the stove. your dad has always been quick to comment on anything good regarding ferrari; to anyone living in the max verstappen era, even a sliver of a good result is enough to spark some hope, so you aren't exactly surprised. "yes, dad. of course i saw it."

"i reckon this will be our year," your dad continues as you walk past him cooking by the stove, carrying the plates to the dinner table. "carlos will make them regret getting lewis instead of him."

you can't help the chuckle that leaves your mouth. your mom gives you a knowing glare over her newspaper – don't start anything. you choose to ignore it. "you really think this is how it's going to look next week during the actual race?" you ask. "you don't think max is sandbagging the slightest?"

"i'm just telling you," your dad starts, giving his stew a good stir. the snarky tone in his voice is unmistakable. "don't come home crying to me when you realize red bull isn't going to cut it anymore. if you regret your choices, go somewhere else."

even like this, when you're back home for a few days to catch up with your family, neither of you can stay away from this bickering. your dad is always pestering you about sticking with the red bull junior team, and you never can back down from a fight. you're way too stubborn.

"are you saying that i wouldn't have a place in ferrari if i wanted to?" you set the plates down with a thud, the sound making your mother flinch in her seat by the table. "you would say no to your only daughter, huh?"

"i'm just saying that you'd need to prove yourself to get into the academy."

despite your harsh tones, most people around you think you're just joking around when you act like this; some family-mockery can never hurt, right? however, there's always a hint of seriousness behind it. it's been like this between the two of you forever, and especially ever since your dad became the head of the ferrari driver academy – the rivalry between you two is stronger than ever.

you've always been sure of your choice; you've always felt like the red bull family is perfect for you. but recently, you've started to wonder if staying with the team actually was the right thing for you. what really is your future in the team? it's not like you haven't got great drivers ahead of you, drivers who will be called in for a possible f1 seat before you.

and it's not like red bull has a stellar record of keeping all of their drivers. they only have four seats in formula one, after all.

your dad wants you in ferrari, that much is clear. you may have joined the red bull junior team because of his past with the team; he did win their first ever championship, after all. accepting was the only option when you got the offer to join. however... your dad really wants you in ferrari. there's just something about the brand, the colors and the history that obviously is intriguing for everyone. even lewis hamilton couldn't stay away, for god's sake.

you can't admit it, though. not here, not right now.

so instead, you choose to fight fire with fire. "bullshit," you mumble under your breath before speaking clearly again. "second in the championship last year wasn't proof enough?"

"stop this," your mom says, folding up her newspaper and placing it on the table. you roll your eyes yet again but look back at her when she speaks again. "new subject: how is our dear ollie doing?"

you visibly relax at the question, your heart softening in your chest. "he's good. he's back in modena now, so..."

if it had been your dad asking about ollie, you know it would've been because he's interested in how the academy is doing. but since your mom is the one asking, you know it's real concern and curiosity. "how did he find the new car? did he enjoy testing?"

"not really," you say, slipping into the seat opposite your mum as your dad places the pot of stew in front of you on the table. "though, you know, the prema cars are never that good in bahrain. but he assumes they'll bounce back."

there's something in your dad's tone when he speaks again that makes you stop in the middle of your reach for the ladle. "yeah, so i've heard..." it's almost sarcastic, maybe a bit... irritated?

you turn towards him, a frown on your face. "what?"

"william," your mom says with a shake of her head. she knows something. "let's not go there." but just as you're about to call them out on how strange they're acting, she speaks again: "what do your upcoming weeks look like? for how long will you be back in england?"

anyone with eyes – or even without, to be fair – can tell that they're hiding something. and while your curiosity is killing you, you're not in the mood for a full-fledged fight at this time. you take the high road, which isn't your most familiar way of handling things like this, and try your best to push away any wishes to question your parents. you answer, engage in polite conversations and chat about your upcoming season. then, you thank them for dinner and leave the house after giving them their respective kisses on their cheeks.

but all evening, your mind is on something else. and when you get back home to your apartment, your fingers itch to send ollie a text asking if he knows anything. but instead, you go to bed with a knot in your stomach. maybe it's a topic for another day.

being back in the car for testing was great, but it was nothing compared to being back on the track for an actual race weekend. the first round of the championship was something you'd looked forward to for what felt like years, and now it was finally time. you've never been more excited, or nervous, for any race weekend.

you weren't off to the best of starts, though. qualifying has always been one of your stronger suits, so coming 13th was not a result you had anticipated. thankfully, it meant you had time to practice overtaking and had a good chance of improving your place. having to start right behind pepe and paul in both races was an interesting coincidence, but you were obviously not going to let any of it affect your racing.

though p8 is not the best place to finish, you are actually quite pleased with having gained several positions in the sprint race and taking your first point of the year. the car was, as you knew it would be, very different from the f3 car, although you were surprisingly confident and managed it well despite the circumstances.

paul, too, handled it all very well – p12 to p5 is a great record. and when he sees the timing board and realizes that you also did well considering the circumstances, he's overjoyed. he's practically bouncing down the paddock when he finally gets out of his car, accepting the fans' cheers and the handshakes from his engineers with a big grin. and when he sees you further down the paddock, his mind is filled with memories of the two of you celebrating your good placements in all other categories.

just because you aren't a couple now doesn't mean you can't honor these results together, right?

but just a second later, he realizes that you're surrounded by the familiar red-clad staff members instead of your own campos staff, and you're standing right by that red prema car he knows so well. and, sure enough, soon the person he'd forgotten about steps up to you.

paul watches as you wrap your arms around ollie's shoulders, and his heart sinks in his chest. your boyfriend hides his face in your shoulder and your hand comes up to stroke the skin on the back of his neck. paul can tell how your lips are moving, and the pout you're showing off tells him enough about what's going on even though he can't actually hear what you're saying. you aren't prioritizing being happy about your own race – it's more important to comfort ollie.

to paul, there's something so unsettling about the sight. he's seen the two of you together many times before – besides, he gets tagged in pretty much every picture a fan takes of you with your boyfriend – but it isn't your proximity that he has issues with.

the thing that upsets him is the fact that there's a frown stretched across your features; one that doesn't leave even when you part from ollie, or when you're cheered on by your mechanics, or when you leave for your post-race interviews. a frown that any other time would be replaced with a big, proud smile because of your accomplishments.

the music blasting into your ears from your airpods cuts out the rest of the world, the usually so busy and loud paddock all gone the second you pressed the play button on your phone. it's been your favorite way of getting in the race mood for years; you're not superstitious in many other ways, but your playlist has stayed the same since your first season in f4. walking around the garage, doing your warmups, or even just sitting around and waiting to get in the car like you are right now, you listen to the exact same songs on repeat. it's one of the few things that makes you truly focus on the race ahead of you.

so when you feel two hands on your shoulders from behind, you jump in your seat. turning your head, you're relieved to see the big smile of pepe shining down at you. "did i scare you?" he asks loudly enough to cut through the music, and you barely have time to nod and take one airpod out before he speaks again. "good, that was my intention."

you slide your airpods into their case as pepe plops into the seat next to you, eyes zoning in on the f3 feature race on the screen in front of you. "i'm so upset," you huff, shaking your head. "did you see the start?"

"i heard," he answers just as dino's red car appears on the screen, and he crosses his arms over his chest. "but he's made up ten places already, right?"

"yeah..." you lean your head onto his shoulder with a sigh. "we should focus on the positives. like chris!"

"and like our upcoming race." you can practically hear his grin when he speaks. "i have a good feeling about it."

when you found out that jak was leaving the red bull junior academy last fall, you were heartbroken. he's been one of your closest friends ever since you first met; the two of you have always been joined by the hip, despite how you've never raced in the same series before, and you spent most of your free time either training together or just hanging out. how would you ever get over him leaving you all alone in the academy?

thankfully, pepe joined in the late summer. at first, you were just acquaintances, but something about his personality was too good not to fall for. it didn't take long for him to become one of your closest friends, too. another boy your age, another boy with crazy energy and amazing potential – he filled the void in your heart quite well.

as well as jak's old apartment.

you'd raced each other in f3 last season, though barely ever crossed paths or talked. but living next to each other, doing all of your sim work together, and now even being on the same team meant that your relationship went from zero to one hundred in just days.

this season is your first with campos, while he's been with the team for several years already, and so far he's been very good at helping you get used to everything off track. they took a big chance choosing two rookies for their lineup, and the two of you promised each other to do your best to make them satisfied with their choice. so far, you've gotten one third and eight place in your first-ever f2 race – and you're just getting started.

"i do, too," you hum. "let's go out there and show them today."

paul is beaming when you see him stroll back to the paddock after his media duties. his cap is perched on top of his head – the right cap, finally – and his fingers are still tightly wrapped around the neck of his champagne bottle. when he notices you leaning against the doorframe leading into the f2 hospitality, his smile grows even bigger.

you meet him halfway, arms wrapping around his shoulders easily, just like they have so many times before. one of his arms drapes around your waist and he holds you close, a hum vibrating from his chest. finally, he thinks to himself; this definitely makes up for all of the things he felt yesterday.

"congrats, paul," you tell him. "that was amazing. you were amazing."

"thank you," he says before pausing. then, he lets out a chuckle. "to be honest, i wasn't sure if you would care."

you frown at him when you pull slightly away from him, just enough to look into his eyes. is that what he really thought? that you wouldn't care about his driving? "oh, please. you still mean a lot to me, okay?" your hand moves down to his upper arm, giving it a soft squeeze. "i still consider you to be one of my closest friends."

friends. the word stings like a knife in his heart. it's been months since you broke up, and yet, it still feels like a raw wound.

paul forces a smile. he understands that despite how painful it is, there's something good in it. there's still a place for him in your heart, even if he's forced to share it with someone else.

he pulls you in again, and the hug is even tighter now than before. it's a comforting feeling; you're both at peace, with a good weekend behind you, in the arms of someone so close to you. after everything you've gone through together, but especially everything he has gone through these last few months with the mercedes academy and prema, you're finally through to the other side. "it all worked out in the end, huh?" you ask after a few moments of silence.

"i guess it did." you part from each other to leave that oh-so-familiar gap between you yet again. "will you be celebrating with us tonight? i think pepe had something planned. you know how he is."

you snort. "yeah, i do know. maybe i will." you shift uncomfortably, crossing your arms over your chest as your eyes dart to the ground. "but, um... i'll have to check with..."

you don't even say his name – you don't have to. ollie's entire weekend has been so far from everyone's expectations, and if you know him correctly, he will not be in the mood for celebrations tonight.

paul nods slowly, pressing his lips into a thin line. "right."

the silence that follows is so awkward you can't help but chew on your bottom lip, a tiny sigh escaping through your mouth. he must be hating this, you think – today is supposed to be only a good day for him, he shouldn't have his ex's new relationship pushed up in his face.

"well, i have a debrief to get to," you make up, flashing him a quick smile. "congrats again, paul."

"thank you." he gives you another nod, before turning away and making his way towards the paddock. "pepe will text you!"

and just like that, he's off, and your mind wanders to the thought of actually going out to celebrate. ollie will definitely not join you, though you're not sure why you don't want to go without him. is it because you'd rather stay and comfort him?

or is it because you're scared of what you'll do, or feel, when you're alone with paul for the first time since you broke up?

"p5 is still good, my dear." your mom's voice booms out from the speakers of your phone as you drop it onto the desk, and you can't help but let out a sigh, taking a step back.

"of course, but... i feel like i could've done more." it was both true and not; with paul's five-second penalty, you definitely could've gained at least one more position if only you had stayed within that gap. but then again, a fifth position and ten more points was a great result for a rookie.

"but you'll still be going out to celebrate with your friends, right?"

you ended up telling pepe you weren't in the mood to party, despite his persistent complaints, and decided to instead use the evening for relaxation and recovery. your entire body, especially your neck, has really suffered this weekend – you were already sore after the shakedown, but this is on another level – so a bubble bath and a good night's sleep in your hotel room seemed like a much better choice.

"no, i'm just going to rest a little..." you hum, flopping down on the chair by the desk. "maybe grab something to eat with ollie."

weirdly enough, you haven't been able to get in contact with him all evening. you were told that he hurried back to his hotel room right after the race, not in the mood to talk to anyone on the team at all, so you chose to give him some time alone to cool down before you'll eventually go over there. still, you thought he would've answered at least one of your many texts by now.

thinking about your boyfriend, you suddenly remember something. "hey, mum?" she lets out an affirmative sound. "you remember when i was home last time, and dad said something about ollie and the car? and he acted all weird?" you pause for a moment, but when she doesn't say anything, you keep going. "what was that all about?"

"well darling, we..." you take the sudden silence as a sign that she might not be sure how honest she wants to be right now, and it makes you frown instinctively. she sighs. "we're just a little worried about him, that's all."

your confusion only grows. "what's that supposed to mean?"

"we're worried he's feeling too pressured to impress us." you hear her take a deep breath. "of course, your father is his boss, so it is natural in that way. but we wish he would just see us as any regular parents. he's always talking about racing like there's nothing else in the world, and..."

"that's not fair." you shake your head despite the fact that she can't see it. "that isn't him. he isn't all racing and no fun."

"oh love, i'm sure he is loads of fun, but-"

"i really have to go," you cut her off, standing from your seat. "talk to you later."

you hang up before she can even answer, the guilt in your head from treating your mother like that already pushed away by the anger growing inside of you.

you always assumed your parents loved ollie. sure, you knew they adored having paul over when you were still a couple, too, but ollie is every mother-in-law's dream son. he's from your country, he's a pure sweetheart, he's even in the fda for god's sake. how could they not love him?

and so what if he tries to impress them? who wouldn't do the same?

when ollie opens his door for you, he looks like he's just woken up from a bad night's sleep. bed head, bags under his eyes, and just a general aura of tiredness. if you didn't know better, you'd think he was an insomniac. but thinking back to how badly his race went, the sight of him just makes your stomach churn.

your arms wrap around his neck in an instant, pulling him into your warm embrace. you feel the tension in his upper back release right away, and ollie's hands find your sides, giving you a light squeeze. you refrain the urge to pull away when he nuzzles his nose into your neck, standing strong against your usual ticklishness, and your heart softens slightly when he lets out a deep sigh into your skin.

"you okay?" you finally manage to get out, and his answer comes in the form of a nod against your shoulder. "is there anything i can do for you?"

he pulls away but stays so close that you feel his breath against your face; so close that you're both slightly cross-eyed when your gazes meet. "stay with me?"

your answer is expressed through the fleeting kiss you press to his lips, your way of saying of course. ollie doesn't waste any time pulling you into his hotel room, and you flop down onto the bed with him. he sits up and watches you lie down against the covers, your head nestling into the pillow. "tell me about your race," he says as he reaches down to take your hand, his fingers slipping in between yours. "eight positions gained, huh?"

of course he doesn't want to talk about his own race. but the fact that he's willing to think about racing at all, just to let you have a chance to talk about how well you did and boast a little; it all makes your heart flutter.

and you're sure, you're so sure that he is so much more than just a racing driver. he's not what your parents think he is. he's an incredible racer, sure, but he's also the sweetest man you've ever met. the perfect boyfriend.

even when he's feeling like this, he takes his time to still pay attention to you and ask questions. and then he listens, he really listens, because he wants to understand every inch of your mind just as well as he geeks out about every detail of apexes and tyre degradation. and then he says just the right things, the things to sweep you off your feet yet again.

he's so perfect that he's incredibly easy to love.

so why is there a knot in your stomach at the thought of the race – and more specifically, the person on the last step of the podium?

why does your mind keep running back to how he's celebrating, and what it would be like if you'd been there with him?

yourusername just posted!

yourusername double pookie podiums & good points in the bag! thanks camposracing for a great car ❤️ we go again in a week!

show all 81 comments

user top job this weekend!!

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

user i will stop hating on red bull if either of these get into f1

→ user red bull juniors >>> anyone else

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

user what happened to ollie though 😭

→ user it's just the first round, calm your horses

→ user why always bring up ollie on her posts... is that all she is, ollie's gf? 😐

→ user forreeaaalll

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

redbulljuniorteam y/n and pepe making us proud 🥺

→ user pls admin you're making me cry

→ yourusername me too 😭

[faeryarchives]

Love for a Lifetime

The fate of a fae and mortal falling in love with each other is cruel yet so beautiful - being shackled by the fear of losing his beloved in the battle against time, Malleus have never experience such great fear in his life.

After a long day of school and running around to assist your friends, you find yourself in the comfort of your beloved at your usual hangout place - the garden behind Ramshackle Dorm that you both come to love.

"How did your day go, darling? You seem to be a little worried but happy at the same time."

"Oh Malleus, you wouldn't believe what happened earlier! So get this, during alchemy class..." Laying on his lap, you began to narrate the events that happened prior to your meeting. Being occupied with sharing your experience, you didn't notice how Malleus seem to space out while massaging your palm with his fingers.

It just feel so surreal, with you lying in his lap, being to talk to you and hold you in a loving way. A small smile appeared on his face as he realize one thing.

So this is what love feels like... A feeling that would once bring a forgotten memory back to life.

"Lilia, how would you define love?"

"Love comes in no form - it will just happen naturally and even if you try running away from it, you will find yourself drawn to it in the end."

"Even if they are of different species? Wouldn't that have such great risks?"

"Hmmm, it is quite complicated to explain it at your age but you will know the answer to your own question in the future."

Memory from the past, never he once imagine that such a silly question can cause him many question shaking him deep to the core. What if there was an instance where he couldn't protect you? What if it's a battle against time?

What if you suddenly left without saying goodbye?

As several more thoughts suddenly rush to his head, you can feel his grip on you tightening until it hurts.

"Malleus?"

"..."

"Mal? Your grip is starting to hurt me..." You tried getting out of his grip, but it only lead to him tightening his grip even more causing you to let out a cry of pain - Malleus finally snapped out of his thoughts and immediately loosen his hold on you. "I am so sorry love are you okay? Did it hurt?"

You sneak a peek on your arm where one can see some redish mark but you shook your head and instead hold his face making him look you in the eyes.

"Malleus what is bothering you? You can tell me everything, you know that right?" At first, he start avoiding your stare, but seeing how persistent you are - Malleus let out a deep sigh before leaning his head onto your shoulder and you can feel him shake in your hold.

"What made you choose me out of all people?"

"... huh? I don't know where you are getting at." You whispered while patting his back trying to ease his feelings.

"You can choose a mortal so you two can grow old together... Why choose a fae like me?" His eyes finally met yours, full of sadness and fear. "What if you will just end up getting hurt? Will it be worth everything?" He closed his eyes - afraid seeing your reaction as he tried to shake it off and change the topic.

"Neverm-" He was caught off guard when he turn around only for you to give him a kiss on the lips. Malleus stood there frozen, while you slowly pulled away blushing up to the tips of your ears.

"So what if we are different from each other?!" You exclaimed as he could see your tears threatening to escape your eyes. "It should be me-" your voice cracked at the end as your tears start flowing down your face.

"Why settle for me when I can only live such a fleeting moment of your life?" You put a hand on his cheek and tried to wipe the tears that he shed without him realizing it.

"Malleus, I choose you and I always will. It maybe selfish for me to spend my whole life with you but me without in your whole life after I am gone."

"...!" Malleus pulled you close to him whispering 'thank you' and 'i am sorry' all over again, you can feel your shoulder getting wet from his tears but you didn't care and he didn't stop letting it all out.

'So this is what Lilia was talking about on how love really feels like despite all the risk... It feels so warm'

"I love you, my beloved."

"I love you too Malleus. I love you very much."

yay new banner for everyone !! i need to spread pain because my phone fell into the water now i cant use it 👹 and this is inspired from millie and luca's interaction on twitter <3

[system-of-a-feather]

A bit off topic to the original post, thus me making a new post but I was looking at @thebestcrew and @the-orange-solace talking in the tags with a little from @korya-elana but it did have me somewhat wondering how a lot of terms that are used to try to describe experience / phenomenon within the overall concept of plurality / operating as more than one / operating as parts of a whole etc and sharing that experience with others might largely differentiate between the kind of different sorts of plural experiences out there - especially considering the widely varying ways / natures of those plural experiences.

It's something I'm honestly just kind of thinking about cause I personally see my parts (that were originally dissociated parts) and my story world + characters as both Parts of Me and Parts of My Whole, but in very different ways. And while I don't personally acknowledge that my story world + characters as a "plural" relationship, I DO acknowledge that had I not had a CDD and developed a CDD system, I could absolutely seeing the way I interact and understand those characters and the world as some form of an experience of plurality (as the characters made kind of authentically grow and act on their own within their universes and very much are direct aspects of myself exaggerated just a bit given life)

And so it does have me thinking a bit from an alternative perspective about the ideas of some of these interesting experiences such as shared mental worlds and spaces that can be had WITHOUT necessarily it being a metaphyiscal / spiritual thing OR it being system hopping or anything

Because over multiple years of writing this story - both of us having a history of extreme maladaptive daydreaming with the story - both me and my writing partner have this world that exists in our head and all the characters within it as well. I have "my" characters and he has "his" characters but only to the extent that those words define who knows those characters the best and which person those characters pull and thrive from and what not. Multiple times in the past though, when planning or discussing, we find that things in this shared world of ours inherently grows and syncs with one another - and I'm not saying this in some metaphysical spiritual or mystical way - but I think its incredibly cool how two people can very much develop such a detailed and vivid non-tangible entity that BOTH individuals can freely explore and often come to the same ideas and understandings.

And to that extent - for non-CDD systems - I do kind of wonder how the sharing, transmitting, and understanding of complicated untangible concepts really could hold a different perspective or value of interest than those with CDD. And on top of that, if even within non-CDD systems, the divide and difference between the subgroups particularly in relation to how much intention went into having plural experiences vs not and maladaptive daydreamers vs not and what not.

Just some open thoughts that I just kinda was having when reading that made me go hmmm

I'm honestly still extremely hesitant and uncomfortable with system hopping (especially as a CDD system / fused multiple, and honestly, even if there are different forms, there might be a better term than system hopping to prevent harm to vulnerable individuals if it was something other than what I understand it as), but I do think its kind of an interesting thought to consider.

[midnightsun-if]

Not to go off topic, but if/when the ROs catch feelings for MC, would they tell anyone? I tried looking it up but Tumblrs search function is poopoo

Hmmm….

I think Koda would be inclined to tell Pola, as he shares a lot with her, but it might be difficult due to the distance and Koda is a more “face-to-face” sharer than over the phone.

Scarlett wouldn’t… Not to say that Zephyr wouldn’t try to get something out of her— and she may give an indication to either Lexa or Anastasia— but she’d be pretty tight lipped about it.

As for Cyrus/Cyra? I don’t know… I think they’d mention it to their grandfather, to get advice and all that, but that’s up in the air too.

Quinn would tell Alessia without hesitation.

Caden? They don’t truly have anyone to tell, barring their dearest/oldest friend, but I don’t think they’d know how to share their feelings in the first place… Not when everything feels so fresh.

Sloane… No. They don’t tell anyone. Who are they gonna tell? The brick wall? Nala?

Blake is a bit complicated as the person they’d normally tell is you, but that’s complicated for obvious reasons… I think they might contact Lilith to get some advice or they’d just talk to a random stranger on a park bench.

As for our little human gremlin? They’d either make a hypothetical situation and pose it to you (hoping you wouldn’t figure it out) or Reginald/Regina would call their grandma and ask for advice.

[dve]

☕️ tamsyn muir

ohhhh hmmm i think tamsyn is a talented writer with a fun style who’s clearly done her time in the trenches of fandom space and is therefore understandably uninterested in engaging in certain elements of it. just being honest i don’t know much about her personally and frankly i don’t think i’m all that interested in knowing much about her! like she’s fine ig. i’m not saying death of the author or anything i just don’t think about her too much tbqh!

that said i think her ability to layer things in-text so that each subsequent reread is more intriguing than the last is really interesting, and while her prose is not my favorite (i think that really might go to seth dickinson honestly) among contemporary authors i think she really does have a certain je ne sais quois about the way she writes that wraps you up and doesn’t let you go, and then the book is finished. i think she’s got a dab hand at fleshing character dynamics out farther than any other author i can think of — it really does get complicated and i enjoy the way she complicates it even if in fandom these dynamics also get pared down for the sake of easy shippability or w/e (general statement not meant to be applied to any one ship just so we’re clear; the blorbofication of any little guy is inevitable in fan spaces and i get that)

if i had one major critique i really don’t love how tamsyn handles character descriptions especially pertaining to her nonwhite chars; i know gideon was published around a time when there was a lot of conversation around white authors and how they deal with race (for anyone wondering and about to send an ask about it i have seen the naberius tern monitor lizard post many times), and while i know she’s specified how she envisioned characters outside of the books i wish those descriptions were made manifest in the text more often. it could also be that some of that has to do with writing style and how she likes to approach things and maybe publisher interference or whatever idk but it leaves a gross taste in my mouth that i’ve talked about in private spheres before.

i really enjoy her stuff overall — i’ve read a few things written by her outside of the locked tomb and i think she’s a skilled writer and the way she establishes her worldbuilding is definitely fun in that it lets people sort of grab it by the horns and go crazy without like. authorial interference if that makes sense. like i enjoy the lack of clarity and rules to a degree and i think it takes a certain finesse to be able to do that without having the books feel messy or inconsistent

send ☕️ + a topic and i’ll share my thoughts on em 💗

[pebblysand]

Hello Pebbly, I had a question I wanted to ask after reading the last chapter of Castles. What is the relationship like between Ginny and Hermione? I feel they are not as close as some people portray them in other fics. Thoughts?

hmmm. i obviously can't really comment on other people's works (although i would say that @whinlatter's beasts which i read recently does do that ginny/hermione relationship very well) but i do see them as a bit "complicated."

i think on the one hand, they're "friendly". mostly in the way that they were girls of the same age who shared a bedroom basically every summer, probably whispered "secrets" to each other until the wee hours of the morning, about boys and sex and their parents being annoying or something. the way girls do. they also seem to be quite "close" when it comes to more serious topics: we see that when ginny gets ousted from the order meeting in ootp, she's confident in the knowledge that hermione will tell her everything (although, i have always wondered whether that was just teenage bravado rather than fact). hermione also seems to know a whole lot about ginny's feelings towards harry and seems to give her advice, which obviously shows that they've probably had numerous conversations about it. when it comes to castles, ginny also clearly knows hermione well enough to know that when she goes to crash on harry's sofa after their fight, it might also be because hermione wants to mess with ron's head and make him jealous. that means they've talked about ron's feelings, there, too.

on the other hand, i also think that both ginny and hermione are people who keep important stuff close to their chests (which i know is an unpopular interpretation when it comes to ginny, who many people think is very good at talking out problems, and if that is your interpretation, then good for you, i don't mean to challenge it, i have had this conversation too many times, please let's just agree to disagree and move on) so i do think there is a bit of distance, there. whilst i think hermione might have reluctantly passed information to ginny about the order, she 1) probably filtered it into what she herself deemed "age appropriate" and 2) probably didn't pass on stuff that was personal to harry. for example, i don't think ginny ever knew about the prophecy, pre-war. she probably guessed it, cause she's not stupid, from the stuff harry said as well, but i don't think hermione would have told her. and, i don't think that post-war, hermione would talk to ginny about bellatrix, for instance. similarly, i certainly don't think ginny would tell hermione about amycus (i actually toyed with that idea for a while back when i wrote act 2, and it just wasn't working, imo).

i kind of see the two of them as circumstantial friends or "summer" friends. we've all had those. they get on and like to chat as the only two teenage girls at the burrow, but i don't think they're particularly close the other ten months of the year, when they're in school. they will talk about boys and teenage stuff like gossip, drinking, sex, etc. but i think when it comes to serious things, ginny's much more likely to confide in demelza or luna, and hermione in ron or harry. i also think that hermione finds it hard to connect with other women, probably due to the trauma of being often taunted by them, and so i think even if ginny isn't like that, hermione would sometimes find it hard to communicate.

many people have written metas about this but i also believe that especially coming out of the war, the trio have a very co-dependent dynamic where it would be hard for ginny to find her place within it. i don't buy - at all - the idea of the trio becoming a "quartet" after the war, going on double dates and all that. i think harry and ginny have the kind of relationship where it's them both, then harry and his friends, and ginny and her friends. they all "get on" but i don't think they share friends (and, that's okay. hot take but functional couples don't actually need to share everything.) and, i think ginny isn't jealous of hermione in the way that ron is jealous of harry - i don't think she has any insecurity about harry and hermione being more than "siblings", but i do think that especially in the early days of castles, when she and harry are just sleeping together and being "fun", she knows the trio, to him, is the "deeper" stuff, and that annoys her/makes her insecure a bit. i reckon it's only after she and harry establish a different kind of post-war connection that she feels less awkward about it.

i also think that when it comes to the "summer friends" hermione and ginny used to be, the war's thrown a wedge in that. even if you don't take ginny/amycus as canon, they've both had drastically different experiences of the war (both very legitimate, but still) and have both experienced things that are very difficult to talk about. they both have a tendency to self-isolate so it can be hard for them to communicate. i think that during the "eighth" year in hogwarts, there are a lot of attempts and near-misses, with them probably sometimes snapping at each other, trying to connect but never quite making it (as is actually shown in beasts). having said that, i don't think they're on bad terms. hermione is clearly very worried about ginny during her party/sleeping around phase, and during the abortion crisis, the fact that harry takes ron's side and ginny very explicitly says she will not take sides is very telling.

i think they're just very different people and frankly, had harry not brought them together, i don't think they'd be friends. ginny doesn't understand hermione's rule-abiding mentality and her coping mechanisms, and hermione doesn't understand ginny's wilderness that sometimes borderlines on self-destruction. but i also think they respect each other. ginny respects hermione's intelligence and her unwavering support of harry, and hermione respects the stability ginny's able to give harry and her place as his partner.

ultimately, i think they're "cool" with each other. but i don't think they're bffs.

[menalez]

hii idk how to express how I feel without coming across as racist but your poll made me feel like you were the right person to talk to. I voted "no, all those options are racist", because the answers weren't specific enough, and I do think all those options are racist. however I cannot overlook the cultural ramifications of living in Iran under Islam, or in India with Buddhism (which seems like a more tame religion but I think we both know that women are considered lower class and a less ideal reincarnation). it's not that black and brown men are more dangerous, but I do on instinct distrust men from those regions - living with a caste system, or in a place where women must be covered, it would be very very hard to work through those world view issues. I hope that makes sense, id love to hear your thoughts on this. Obviously I distrust Christians similarly, but we don't live in a theocracy, and where I live you'd be hard pressed to find a single person on the street who believes everything the Bible says.

hmmm i cant really comment on buddhism or the caste system stuff as this is not a topic i’m familiar enough with. with iran i can say to u that at least most iranians i know are not anywhere near as religious as their govt.

it sounds to me like your main issue is you distrust men from countries that are more religious, would that be fair to say? would you for example be wary of a polish man too?

but i honestly don’t think u said anything racist here. i’m curious about ur beliefs in more detail but i distrust religious men myself lol and i do start off sometimes wary of people if they’re from a country where most ppl i’ve known hold more regressive beliefs. i usually in such a case try to sus them out and sometimes i’m pleasantly surprised but tbf in general i’m wary of men anyways and tend to avoid them so that doesn’t even happen much for that reason. i guess another thing u seem to be saying is that peoples beliefs are sometimes complicated by other factors that you wouldn’t know how to even address that? which i can understand, in such cases i turn to women who are affected by such things and hope to gain understanding through listening to them more. but i’m not sure if u did mean it that way,,maybe i’m misreading there

[artheresy]

I have like very very specific feelings about Blade and Dan Heng’s dynamic/complicated situation and of course by extension the situation that occurred between Dan Feng and Yingxing and it’s like super particular, not in the way I think I’m objectively correct or fully indulging in fanon but a secret third thing. And the worst part is that I quite literally cannot for the life of me verbalize/write down my feelings and viewpoint to the full extent

They are just so complicated and full of so many tropes I love and it oof, it hurts very deeply. I like just reread the Passerby of Wandering Cloud relic set and I’m hmmm

I will say something as best as I can, I will never stop thinking about “Pairs of objects are destined for an eventual reunion.” In general that whole relic set wrecks me emotionally on a scale that I haven’t had since I read Stormbringer from BSD. They have such a complicated dynamic and I enjoy it so deeply, and see the thing is that they have such contradictory feelings that I don’t know the direction Hoyo will take it in but I am strapped in for the ride either way.

Also theres something like this fixation certain people have on separating the two and fixating on how they’re on their own paths AWAY from each other and I just,, I can’t understand that fixation because first off, even without talking about past selves, just talking about the current selves, the connection between them is extremely important when it comes to characterizing either of them. That is a significant part of their characters and where they currently are and a refusal to acknowledge that even without any shipper goggles confuses me. Additionally, as I brought up before, “Pairs of objects are destined for an eventual reunion” even as Blade and Dan Heng rather than Yingxing and Dan Feng, their paths are destined to cross. Given the earliness of the Xianzhou arc, heavily doubt this is any kind of “eventual reunion” as said by the relic seeing as its not like this is the first time they’ve met and those weren’t the this spoken of reunion. And additionally, I can’t help but think about Dan Heng specifically whether with knowing intent or not, carries multiple tokens of his past from the bracer itself to the jade pendant to literally Cloud Piercer. The weapon that makes him feel safe and yet he also has unfinished business with the creator

Speaking of that line, I’ve seen some people who think that he knows Blade made it. I personally heavily think he doesn’t know, given word choice to how he feels about it etc. But hmm I wonder if we’ll see what happens there. And that voiceline is just yet another thing hammering home how these two are destined to continue to have their paths intertwined.

And I’m trying to find the post again but I saw someone talking I think about the translations of the relic lore for that set and referring to the whole Pairs of objects line and they talked I think about how that statement is not meant to merely represent the actual objects but more so to represent Dan Heng and Blade themselves which may have been obvious from the start, but after reading that I felt like someone had expanded my mind and I can’t stop thinking about it, I can’t

Anyways anyways, I don’t think these two are by any means solely characterized by each other and they shouldn’t solely be seen as only existing in proximity to the other, but I don’t get people who for some reason hate the idea of them being connected in any manner bc of hating ships that they outright disregard and deny like key important parts of their canon. I mean people will do what they do and there’s no reason trying to put logic behind every single thing or whatever, but maybe that’s also just because I feel insane about their lore and again have this specific idea and view of them in my head. Maybe I’ll be able to put it into words better one day

Everything I ranted about arent even the full extent of my feelings about this particular topic regarding them. I just feel so specifically that I don’t know how to put it in words. If only sounds alone could convey my thoughts

Theres so much more I could rant about, so much more I could say but its like 4 am and I cant properly formulate thoughts without tangents starting in the middle of them

[pedges-world]

A Very Special Episode of PB and J

And now for a very special episode of PB and J. This one is drastically self-indulgent, though I feel there are some things Pedge and I can say to the fandom that might help. 

Sexy Disclaimer: Pedge is not a registered therapist, however therapeutic he might be. We are going to be talking about some challenging topics like SH, ideation, orientation, violence and shame…

Pedge and I have been talking a lot about shame and allowance lately, haven’t we Pedge? I know, it’s hard to sit with uncomfortable emotions no matter how many chocolate chip cookies we have. It’s easy to feel broken or like there’s something wrong with you. Hmmm? I mean, it’s only 11:30am but…yes we can have some for breakfast.

This first writing year on Tumblr I’ve learned A LOT. I spent a full year reading ALL KINDS of fics and some of them had me feeling all sorts of things! I read fluff, I read violence, I read about threesomes, I read about orientation, I read about SH, ideation, dead dove…

Sorry, Pedge has his fingers in his ears and is singing “Purple Rain” right now, just in case. Maybe I should whisper a little…I’m just gonna give a little reminder that trigger warnings are there for a reason. You just protect yourself like Pedge does, and if you don’t like something, block it! I saw some scary pics last night I just blocked that ish straight away, no thank you! 

But sometimes I have a tendency to “block” myself, and that’s something my REAL therapist and I have been working on. What? No Pedge, I’m sorry the time that we spend together is very therapeutic, but it’s also important to speak with a professional. No, she doesn’t make chocolate chip cookies the way you do, and yes I would like some Almond Milk.

Anyways, sometimes I feel silly or embarrassed or guilty about the things that I like. Do you ever feel that way? I worry that a playful cartoon like Pedge might appear childish or misrepresent some of the adult topics we address. I’ve started describing myself as a sexy ace, but that label doesn’t really fit. Pedge is running to get his Pride Flag from June, thank you for the support, P. I love fics that explore orientation and different types of love. Yes, Pedge I LOVED the work you did in “A Strange Way of Life”. I mean…that was hawt, and I’m not just talking about the oven right now.

I like unpacking fics that involve violence. I’m not 100% why, but I feel safe within myself to explore those feelings, particularly in a fictional environment and not a real one. Yes Pedge, I DID watch TLOU and that hospital scene was VERY believable. No, I don’t know if Laurence Olivier liked chocolate chip cookies, but I’m sure he would have liked you. This October we’re going to explore some Halloween fics with some of your SUPER scary characters like Dave York and Max Phillips. Pedge, you know I can still see you even when you’re hiding underneath the covers, right? Okay, you just let me know if we overstimulate ourselves, okay? Maybe we’ll read those during the daytime…

Pedge, did you know sometimes I even feel embarrassed about writing? (Ahem) alright, you don’t have to laugh about it, silly goose. I often refer to you as Pedge or P, because you’re an avatar. No, not the movie. Yes, I know it’s a classic. An avatar is an icon or figure that represents a REAL figure like Pedro Pascal.

Oh honey, I’m sorry, no you are VERY real. How could you eat so many cookies if you weren’t real? Oh cuddle bug…okay you just nestle up in here for a hug, I’m sorry I made you cry. All I mean to say is that thoughts and feelings and desires are VERY real, and sometimes giving them a name or an image can help us sort through the complicated parts of ourselves! And it can mean whatever we want. It doesn’t mean we’re delusional, or violent or bad, it just means that we’re human. And humans use art to understand themselves and life.

Yes, and cookies. We also enjoy cookies and movies and museums and pleasure and all kinds of things that don’t need an explanation, they just get to be enjoyed, much like the fandom.

Sigh. No we’re not broken, we’re just human. Well, some of us are human and some of us are avatars, but we both need Love. And cookies. They’re ready? Okay good, this existential and literary crisis has made me very hungry. When in doubt, try to remember that feelings and thoughts are neutral, it’s what you DO with those emotions that defines their meaning and external impact.

In closing, Pedge and I just want you to know how much we like you. You’re good. You’re not bad. Okay, you’re not PERFECT. You’re just you, and we like that. Keep doing your best! Keep exploring, keep learning, keep growing, keep wanting! And if there are some emotions that feel too big even for cookies to handle, think about getting your own therapist, like me! Pedge is currently occupied, so you’ll have to get your own. Mostly, just be good to yourself and be good to others. And remember that sometimes a cookie is just a cookie. Yes, Pedge, you’ve done an extraordinary job with this batch, I must say. Yes Pedge. I love you too.

*thanks @thecutestgrotto for the dividers!

[greywindys]

Do you think much would change about fan perception of 2Doc if one or both of them were female? Just thinking about double standards and such from other fandoms, and am curious to know your thoughts.

This question is spicy. Hmmm 🤔. Honestly? I think it receives criticism no matter what. What would change is the fandom. People who embrace it as a ship now, might critique it if it were a m/f or f/f ship. Conversely, someone who haaates 2Doc might embrace without a second thought if it were m/f or f/f. People can be hypocrites, myself included, but I think it's hard to make generalizations about how and when any specific group could be hypocritical. In fandom, as the famous quote goes, "the players may change, but the game remains the same"...AKA in any fandom, at any time, if the ship exists, there will be discourse coming from someone, somewhere.

It gets more complicated on a broader scale (nationally, globally etc) ...but I'll be real, I'm not trying to write an entire paper about this, which you absolutely could. But there's no way I could summarize the hundred of thousands of unique experiences regarding this topic that exist.

[caregivingchrysalises]

{food can be complicated, and so can our relationships with it~ this post mentions food and eating and understands these are sensitive topics that deserve to be handled with care and respect. this post is meant to provide reassurance and comfort, please be kind to yourself and others if you choose to engage}

skips towards you, love look look!! *shows you a bag of sweets* they’re sugar hearts, one of your buba’s favorite treats!! would you like one? there’s red, purple, yellow and green! you want to know my favorite hmmm, i like the red ones…. orrr the purple ones~ buba likes all of the colors if zer honest, but i wish there were a blue one! do you want try a bit of each and tell me which one is your favorite? that sounds like a great plan hun. you’re the absolute cutest~ i’m glad you like them sweet one, thank you for sharing this little joy with me!

{please enjoy this lighthearted blurb, i hope you had a splendid day! your buba did as one of my childhood sweets was in the shops today~ hence the blurb}

[asaka-lucy-dr-rc]

Since you know Japanese and like Danganronpa I was wondering, what is your interpretation of this dialogue from Nagito?

It's very complicated and difficult to translate from what I've heard. It's hard to tell if it's a love confession or something else.

Basically I was wondering...

1: What is your interpretation of the line? Do you think it is intended to be romantic or not?

2: What is the general interpretation of the like in the Japanese fanbase?

3: How would you translate the line?

In the English fanbase people either say it is a romantic love confession or say that he's only talking about hope. I'm really curious to hear another perspective on the tricky line of dialogue, especially since I don't know Japanese myself and cannot read it.

Just in case you're curious here is the English translated version of the line as well. There's a lot of discussion on what he means by it and how it's a mistranslation so it's a very confusing topic overall.

Sorry if that's a lot to ask, thank you for reading!

Okay, your question about the last line of Nagito’s free time events! It's a fun question to answer XD

1: Basically, I don't get the impression that this line is a confession of love. It doesn't sound that romantic.

2: Hmmm, I also wonder what other Japanese fans think about this line. It might not be talked about much. I don't see many cases where this line is quoted in komahina fanfics. (I don't know how it is in other languages, but at least in Japanese komahina fanfic, I often see people writing stories that take lines from the original story and expand on them. But I don't see any case where this line is used for such a story).

3: “Please don't forget…” “I love y... your hope that sleeps in you from the bottom of my heart.”

Haha, this translation really sounds like a confession of love 😅

In my opinion, it is a bit strange to discuss this in terms of whether it is a confession of love or not. I think what Nagito is hoping for from Hajime here is trust. This line comes after the fact that Nagito lied, so Hajime is in such a confused state that he does not know where Nagito is really coming from. I think Nagito is asking Hajime to believe that he loves Hajime’s hope. I see it as a declaration that I am not an enemy, or that I do not intend to be an enemy to you.

This may be my extended interpretation, but I actually sense an apologetic nuance in this line. Nagito himself is well aware that his arguments and thoughts are not well communicated to those around him, including Hajime. He's happy that Hajime talks to him patiently, but he doesn't know how to keep the connection with him, so he tries to say lines that will win Hajime's sympathy. In fact, Hajime almost feels sorry for Nagito, but Nagito knows that this is not the fundamental solution, so he reveals that he is making it up. Hajime gets even more confused when Nagito asks him if he's starting to feel like killing him, but I have the feeling that Nagito is making an excuse that he doesn't just want to confuse Hajime.

Nagito uses the expression "I love your hope”, but it sounds more like a declaration that he believes that Hajime's hope can lead to a good future. Or it can be taken as support for Hajime's hope.

As for the translation in the English version... I think it is good in that it does not mislead people into thinking that Nagito is not confessing his love for Hajime. But I might be a little doubtful if the expression "I'm truly in love with the hope” is a good one.

I think the original line is more like a fan telling a celebrity or someone they admire that they love them. It's like replacing the "I love your art!" comment on Tumblr with "I love your hope!" 😄 But when you say "I'm in love with", it doesn't sound like you're throwing words at the other person, so I think it might be taken to mean something else.

This is just my personal opinion, but I hope it helps! 🌟

[the1975attheirverybest]

halla! a quick hand pls, (u dont have to tho no pressure)

im working on an essay about teaching and learning 2nd languages, i need to word

"children have an easier time learning because they literally know less, and want to convey simpler topics"

but in more academic terms, im drawing such a blank rn

Ohhhhh. Hmmm let me think.

Younger students’ minds tend to be less firmly entrenched in preconceived notions, or contain less complex ideas. Their relative newness to learning as an experience, and the absence of complicated concepts, often means that they rely on simpler, and therefore clearer, topics to convey their ideas, consequently running less of a risk of misunderstanding.

I DONT KNOW WHY I TURNED YOUR ONE SENTENCE INTO A WHOLE ASS PARAGRAPH I HATE FORMAL WRITING FUCK THIS.

[markantonys]

As a newcomer to the series (sometimes a somewhat confusing piece of television) , I find your explanations and takes helpful to navigate the complications that arise from not having read the books.

One thing bothering me since 2x07 and maybe you have an answer is that we know how aes sedai play with words, especially Moiraine. In 1x06 she played with the words of the oath. But she said Moiraine Sedai. Here in 2x07 Siuan is using the oath against her but says Moiraine Damodred. I would have thought something like an unbreakable oath done on an oath rod with consequences of forever this and my soul that, would require specificity.

I am wondering if it’s more a situation of hey the oath rod meant her so use whatever language you want to get her to obey. Or is it the writers have forgotten what they wrote for the scene in 1x06

But for how much the blues especially play with every single word I don’t get this change

i'm glad my posts have been able to help you out with some things! hmmm, i hadn't noticed or thought about the name change in the 1x06 swearing of the oath vs. the 2x07 calling upon of the oath. interesting stuff!

the out-of-universe explanation is probably that the writers tended to refer to her as "moiraine sedai" in season 1 because that was when we were learning all about aes sedai and moiraine's place among them, but as "moiraine damodred" in season 2 because that was when we were introduced to house damodred in cairhien and moiraine's family backstory.

as for the in-universe explanation, i don't think there's ever an instance in the books where what name you use while swearing an oath comes into play, so i'm just speculating here. but since we see the weaves touching moiraine and the rod in the 1x06 swearing scene, i'm guessing that means the oath is binding This Particular Being to the rod regardless of what name she or anyone else chooses for her when swearing or calling upon the oath. i.e. the "i swear" and the "i command you" is more important than "i, moiraine sedai" or "i command you, moiraine damodred" (i don't think these are the verbatim dialogue lines haha but hopefully you get my point). the oath binds moiraine's very being and transcends the names or titles given to her, so i don't think that you could "trick" the oath rod by swearing an oath with a different name/title than you usually use or that siuan would have to specifically call her "moiraine sedai" in order to be able to utilize her oath.

on the other hand, thinking about the precise wording of oaths is just the right WOT Mindset to have and i'm now going to be pondering this particular scenario for a while haha it's a good question that i don't think book lore really has an answer to! (though readers with better memories, please correct me if i'm wrong and this topic IS touched on in the books!)