#hot queers

[xxenobyte]

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷♡꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

https://allmylinks.com/xxenobyte

[ashtrayfloors]

Halloween was magical. P. and I both dressed as vampires, he in a Lost Boys style, me inspired by Dave Vanian’s look in the “Nasty” episode of The Young Ones. We took the kids out trick-or-treating for the first time since 2019—I mean, C. was too young then to even remember trick-or-treating. But I was just happy to be out, wandering the neighborhood on Halloween; it reminded me of Halloweens when I was a kid—the bonfire and chimney-smoke, crunching through the leaves, kids shrieking in delighted fear, the early dark. And two of the houses we stopped at had crock pots full of warm, boozy apple cider for the grownups, and it was wonderful.

Then November, the Day of the Dead—which I had already been celebrating for days beforehand. A Santa Muerte candle burning, offerings on my altar, thinking of all my dear departed. Missing Jack, missing Erik. Missing Sean and Frank and Travis and Matt and Molly and and and. Having conversations with my Grandpa—my mom’s dad, who died before I was born.

There were some other strange occurrences at the end of October and into November. A few objects launched themselves off of surfaces when no one was nearby, and when they weren’t anywhere precarious enough to just fall for no reason. There may be a rational explanation, but it happened enough times in the span of a few days when I felt the presence of the dead all around for me to think it was related.

I was feeling stressed and anxious later in the day of November 1, and C. was in a cranky mood, but then I remembered that both he and I do better when we get out of the house. And it was such a gorgeous day that day, weather-wise—part of a few-day stretch of warm weather before the autumn cold settled in. So in the late afternoon, we walked down to the neighborhood park, and it was perfect. I got to sit on a bench and write while C. did “parkour” and played tag with a couple of other kids. We were both a lot happier afterwards.

Last Thursday I cut my hair into a partially-shaved, semi-undercut style. I needed the change.

Friday I had a Facebook Messenger conversation with a friend of mine. At first we were talking about trans stuff, about how we feel like we’ve had experiences and feelings that are pretty tied to our AGABs, but then other experiences and feelings which are more often tied to the gender ‘opposite’ our AGABs. Then we were both venting about stuff we’ve been dealing with IRL. One of the things I vented about was finding out that a guy I know in the Kenosha punk scene is some level of serial sexual harasser or abuser. He’s not someone I know well, but it also just keeps happening, every year or two, finding out that some guy I knew from punk or activist circles is a rapist or abuser. And I was talking about how it’s kinda retraumatizing, giving me flashbacks to when I outed the Kenosha punk scene dude who raped me many years ago, and a bunch of other dudes in the scene either denied it or dismissed it. But I also said that most of the people I’ve seen calling this current guy out are in fact other men; and I said how heartening that is, and how maybe the tide has at least started to turn in the past 15-20 years. She was sympathetic at first but then started going on this rant about how awful cis men are and like... I wasn’t going to “not all men” her, but it made me deeply uncomfortable. Because like, I’d just mentioned how it was largely cis men standing up against this particular dude. And yeah, I’ve been raped and abused by cis men, but I’ve also been raped and abused by women. And some of my biggest supporters and comrades have also been cis men. And my partner is a cis man, and my kiddos are AMAB—they may or may not grow up to be cis men, but right now they’re boys, and whatever they grow up to be, to just write them off as “well of course they’ll be awful if they’re cis men?” No. Also, she’s a trans woman, so you’d think she’d realize that “all (cis) men are bad” is kind of a direct pipeline to the TERF viewpoint of “anyone AMAB is bad.” You know?

The first day I cut my hair I was feeling really good about it, felt like a hot queer punk again, but then I started feeling weird and kinda bad about it. I’m premenstrual, which can cause weird bad feelings about any manner of things, and I started worrying that maybe I actually look ugly with the new hairstyle, and also maybe like I’m too old to be doing shit like that to my hair anymore. I never ascribe to the “too old” thing for other people, and logically I know it’s bullshit, but as a woman, AFAB person, or someone perceived to be a woman, it’s hard not to internalize those kinds of cultural messages.

But then on Saturday morning, waiting to get vaccinated at Walgreen’s, I saw this person come in—they were probably in their late 50s or early 60s, their hair was all gray/white, and they had a full undercut, plus a bunch of piercings in their ears, and combat boots. And they looked so fucking fabulous that it made me go: If someone with a full head of gray hair who is like 15 to 20 years older than I am can rock a punky style, then I definitely can. (Also, they were super hot and my queerdar definitely pinged, and I’ve been having some sexy fantasies about them since the encounter.)

I got double-vaxxed that day; flu shot + updated CoViD booster. I get so mad at anti-vaxxers in general and at anti-CoViD-vaxxers specifically who are like “we don’t know what the side effects of the vaccines really are.” Because I do know what the side effects of vaccines are for me. I’m not allergic, but I get extreme reactions to both flu and CoViD vaccines (and others). I feel half-sick for twenty-four hours or more, I get pain and swelling near the injection site, and I get painful, swollen lymph nodes on the parts of my body near the injection site, which last anywhere from three days to a week. But I still get fucking vaccinated, because I’d rather have all that then get seriously ill or die, or potentially be a carrier and cause other people to get seriously ill or die. (It’s that whole “I do not know how to make you understand that you should care about other people” thing.)

What else? Well, I’m premenstrual, and still have the swollen, painful lymph nodes, and I’m stressed about money as always and desperately trying to find ways to hustle for side gigs and side-side gigs. But other than that, things aren’t so bad. I’ve been spending my time cutting, collating, stapling, and packing up zine orders while drinking hella coffee and listening to punk and post punk. I’ve been playing accordion; I’m glad I forced myself to do a tribute for Songs Jack Taught Us, because it got me to start playing accordion again. And I have been writing so much—I’m working on a bunch of poems, as well as a novella/memoir hybrid for NaNoWriMo, and the words are just flowing. In fact, I wish all I had to do these days was write, and I get frustrated that there are so many interruptions and other things I have to do, but I’m counting my blessings. I’d rather have this problem than the opposite one—the one where I have all the time in the world to write, but nothing will come out.

[strawby-jelli]

Okay so I just watched a video of a boy who once identified as trans still got bottom surgery after he realized he was cis and people were so fucking rude? Like just because this cis dude has a vagina people were calling him transphobic and wishing death upon him.

So this is a reminder that when we as a community advocate for bodily autonomy and gender surgeries that means everyone regardless of gender can do whatever they want with their bodies.

If someone who is cisgender wants top/bottom surgery THEY CAN GET IT. If someone wants facial plastic surgeries that we usually find creepy like buccal fat removal or eye lifts THEY CAN GET IT. And here’s the really controversial one but if someone wants to do things that harm their body like hard drugs or diy mods THEY CAN DO IT!

Because body autonomy isn’t just “I can get bottom surgery to pass” or “I can get an abortion” it’s also all the wild stuff that makes us uncomfortable and that’s okay.

[emaarusovaa]

Two is better than one!😜

SOURCE: 🔴 www.ema-rusova.com🔞

[pixiegeldof]

CHAPPELL ROAN PHOTOGRAPHED BY KIRT BARNETT FOR POLYESTER ZINE

[goodboy-ftm]

I was humping his leg and he said "yeah use me like the dog you are" and when I say I nearly came right then and there,,,,,

[cryptidfagswag]

Vampirism is such slut behavior. Oh ur immortal and you bite people to stay alive? U literally suck people to not die? Ur a “creature of the night”? U have fangs? Slut. Bite me.

[may12324]

Lae'zel - her Queen's vengence

[xxenobyte]

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷♡꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

https://allmylinks.com/xxenobyte

[themaymorning]

🍷

[loflin]

Ready to explore some nasty desire?

[wrongspacetime]

Jodie Foster as Bonnie Stoll NYAD (2023) | dir. Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi & Jimmy Chin

[slitherysrpent]

the urge I have to come up behind her and slide my hands under her top and gently feel her up is becoming unbearable

[queerism1969]

[supersexysophia]

Fine, I’ll take it off daddy! 🥺

cute lil bulge picture I really like! 🤭

[sparklyflowernight]

Reblog if you want to be with a trans girl like me 👉👈