#i am still learning everybody else's names

[lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar]

[yuyu1024]

Escape

Pairings: Yoongi × y/n

Genre/tags: Arranged marriage

Warning: 🔞🔞 smut/angst, mention of food/eating, cursing, sensual touching, making out, needy/clingy, Pet name, lies, kink, unprotected sex, Smoking, jealousy, insecurity, mention of weight&food/eating, oral (m/f receiving), mention of blood/violence

~~~~[lmk if i miss anything]

Words: 5.8k

Disclaimer:

- this story is just made up

- english is not my first language, please be nice 😊

Note: continuation of Prisoner.

I hope this is a good part 2. 🙏🏻 took me a while coz idk if i should or not. 😅 sorry guys.

(This may continue a bit more...? But please be patient 🙏🏻 as I do have work & usually I try to write before i sleep but lately i've beeen so tired and drained that I cant even function 😅)

***

Another day, another event to go to. You are wearing your best 'pretend' smile. The smile you have practiced for months, to be your default expression whenever you meet anyone in any formal event. It's not that your trying to be fake. You just want to represent your husband the best that you can. And being a shy person, this is what you can do to help yourself.

Although, you wish, that even just one time, Yoongi would show up to these events with you.

At the first month of your marriage, he did. He did that to introduce you to everybody. You could still remember how you two were holding hands and always together. Those were the days when you have spent so much time with him.

But... Now, it's just always you. Alone. Amongst everyone in the whole place, you are the only one who always arrives with no partner.

"Excuse me?"

You twirl around and find the prettiest girl you think you have ever seen in your life. She looks like a goddess.

"Ahm, yes?" Your voice sounded so weak. You haven't said a word in the last hour.

"You are the only one wearing a corsage with a hint of lilac flowers in it... I'm guessing... you are Yoongi's wife?" She asks

"Ah, yes. I am." You look down at the flower pinned on your chest

She's smiling at you. She looks sort of happy to see you. "Finally... I've met you."

You haven't said a word. You are not sure how to approach this. You have no idea who she is and why is she approaching you. Plus, You are sort of intimidated by her. She is a beautiful, a sophisticated woman. She have this energy from her that says she is different than anyone else. You could feel your difference with her. Though you are covered with all highend brands of clothing and accessories. You can still see it.

"Oh, sorry... if I'm invading your personal time..." she says, "I am a friend of Yoongi... well... an old friend... from University" she explains. "Sarang."

"Oh." You smile and bow. "Hello, nice to meet you. I'm Y/N... I'm sorry... I've not met any of his friends yet so...I didn't know..."

"It's fine. I understand."

She looks like she came from a regal family, the same level as Yoongi. Also, her beauty.... takes your breathe away. She remind you of how you reacted the first time you saw Yoongi. In awe.

"Thank you for coming here also..." she says as she walks you around the gallery. "I hope you find something to your liking here that... would be a part of your home or either a gift to anyone you love."

As you two talk more, you learned that she's the one that threw this charity event. She gathered all these arts from known artists, to auction. She says that 100% of the earnings from it will go to the children's hospital that she have been donating ever since.

You have just met her and you are already at amazed by her. Not by just her prominent looks but also the way she talks and speaks her mind is very inspiring and uplifting. Because of her words you find it easy buying two items in the collection. You know all of the money will go and be used for something good.

You chose the items, the two that caught your attention the moment you entered the gallery. Both are paintings of a beautiful flowerfield which reminds you of your past. The field where you would always go with your friends and have picnic during summer break.

Such beautiful memory that you wish you could've not taken for granted. You wish you could re-live those moments again. And the paintings, those paintings you chose might go well in your own study room.

"It's nice meeting you..." she says, cutting you from reminiscencing your past

"Thank you too for inviting us.. though... my husband couldn't come..."

She smiles, lips pressed together. "He hasn't changed at all. Not very social and just focused on just working..."

Hmm.. The way she talks, the way she describes your husband is very detailed. She seem to know him pretty well. 'They are friends' you say to yourself but then at the back of your mind, a thought, just a tiny thought about him and her, is peaking through.

'Is she an ex of his?'

'If not an ex... probably... someone who liked him?'

I know, this is no place nor time to think about these but you can't help it.

Look at her and then you look at yourself. You two are totally opposites. From status to looks. And probably from personaly to intelligence. She is more than you. She is perfect. You think that he and Yoongi might or will get along more than you and him.

"Ahm... I ahm..." you start to feel uncomfortable with all of your self pity thoughts. You need to get a hold of yourself. "Sorry... I'll... I'll just go to the bar and have some drink..." you say as you clutch on to your dress.

"Oh. Okay." Sarang says. "You want me to accompany you...?"

You shake your head, "No... thank you... don't mind me... please go ahead and tour the rest of the guest." You say pointing at the newly arrived guests.

You turn around immediately before she could response again.

This is weird. You're not sure why you suddenly have the urge to drink. Even though you don't drink. Also because, you can't. Literally, can't.

You only drink red wine when you are offered to drink, by Yoongi of course. It's only when he asks you to join him during nights when he needs company or if you two are to discuss things about the family.

You don't drink also because you are a lightweight. You get tipsy and red easily. One time when you had more than three glasses of red with your husband, you instantly changed personality. You have no idea how and what changed besides the stories that your maid said the day after which were embarassing.

You have no recollection of anything besides the fact that you were on the sofa, inside Yoongi's home office, butt naked and only have Yoongi's blazer on you.

"Mrs. Min, what can I get you?" The cute guy behind the bar asks as you reach your destination.

"How... do you know who I am?"

He smiles, "We had the lists of the guests coming tonight... with photos." He pours water into a glass

"With details...? who can and cannot drink... I suppose?"

He nods. "Your husband noted... to not serve any alcohol to you Miss."

"Even... I want to? Or... pay?"

"I'm sorry Miss..." he says, "If you like we can offer you our non-alcohol champagne?"

You sigh heavily. You badly want to drink. Even just one glass to calm yourself. But...you can't. Yoongi have rules and you cannot avoid and disobey them.

He does give you the freedom to do whatever you want but when it comes to what not to do or what he likes, he have a handful.

1. Don't cut your hair short

2. Don't drink when he's not present nor ordered by him

3. Don't leave the house without atleast one body guard

4. Don't wear perfume (he gets dizzy)

5. Use the safeword during sex

And etc.

The rules are quite simple. Nothing to weird nor to hard to follow. It's just you compromising. And also, you do have a hard time saying no to Him.

"Thanks." You mumble, sighing as you take the glass of water and walk away from the bar.

After figuring out you can't drink to calm yourself, you decide to just go somewhere outside, away from the crowd and peaceful to get fresh air. Lucky you, you found an exit that leads you to the garden.

As time have gone by, you're not sure how long have you been there, staring at the fountain, the flowers and even starring down at your feet every now and then. You thought being out here will leave your head empty. Not worrying about anything. But then you'd catch yourself pouting and comparing yourself to all the ladies you have seen in the event, especially the last person you have talked to.

Your self pity and low self-esteem is thriving today than usual. Is it the lack of sleep? Or because of the one guy from earlier giving you a judging look that made you regret wearing the dress you picked? What happened?

These thoughts are not very helpful. Especially lately, well probably more on daily basis, you do wonder why Yoongi chose you. To marry.

They've said, more particularly his parents said, that he didn't like the ones they suggested for him; so he decided to pick you. To marry you instead of those women who is on the same level as him or close to his family's wealth.

Odd isn't it? Why would someone like him, an elite bachelor, pick a girl from a lower class family to marry? What did he see in you? What made him randomly pick you? You are not special, inexperience about life and not alluring as the other girls in his world. What did he saw? How did he even saw you? You were sure you two never met before. So did he hire someone to find a daughter from a poor family or what?

Instead of clearing your mind, you suddenly had these outburst of questions.

"What are you doing here?"

Your eyes widens after hearing a familiar voice. You didn't dare to speak. You just slowly turn your upper body around to see him, walking slowly towards you.

He's wearing a tuxedo. His hair is slightly slicked back and his scar. His beautiful scar. It's him.

You can't believe what you are seeing. He's really here. Why? He's been away for a week because of work and when did he came back?

"Y-yoongi..." you mumble, standing up

"I asked you..." he says as he stands right in front of you. Then you see his eyes darts down at your glass of water, sitting beside you. "Your bodyguard said... you asked for a drink." He looks back at you, his expression is so serious.

"I ahm... sorry..." you lower your gaze.

"You know... you can't drink."

"I'm sorry..." you whisper softly

"Let her have fun." A woman's voice says. "She just wants to have a glass of wine. It won't hurt."

Slowly raising your eyes, you see her, Sarang, standing from afar from you and Yoongi.

Her stance at this moment is unidentical to her persona earlier. It feels like she is a completely different person, though her appearance is the same. Something shifted.

"She did an amazing job.. representing you earlier." She adds

Your eyes then goes to Yoongi. You want to see his reaction to the angelic woman speaking. You are curious. No one talks to him directly like that, blunt and straight forward, even you.

Sarang is brave to talk casually to him.

"Ready the car..." Yoongi finally speaks after a monent of silence. Ordering one of his men to move.

That was it?

"I'll return the items. Keep the money. I don't care." He says while he's looking at you, straight into your eyes. Though you know, even his eyes are on you, he's not actually speaking to you.

"Yoongi le---" she tries to speak again but he didn't allowed it.

Yoongi just slightly turned his head to give her a side eye. He is not pleased. "My wife and I are leaving..." and then takes your hand to hold onto. "Let's go home..." he says that only you can hear.

"Ahm...ahh... okay." You say, lost by the sudden fierceness from him

***

"Get in." He orders you

Carefully climbing in the car, you move to the other side making sure there is a space betweem you two.

"Home please." Yoongi says to his driver as he shuts the door.

"Sir." The man answers, nodding and then pushes a button that closes the opening between the driver to the passenger seat of the car.

We are now isolated.

He looks so tired. Looks like he just came back and went straight to event to pick you up.

"I have my driver with me... you could've rested at home." You say

He sighs and closes his eyes. "I'm fine."

Did he purposely pick you up because he wants to see you? Did he missed you while he was away for a week?

Your mind is filled with questions and curiosity but you cannot dream of these questions to be real. You have to remember, he just married you because he have no other choice. There is no love in between you two. You are married by paper only that is worth a lot of money. Everything you are doing for him is to repay all of his kindness to you and your family.

This is all just a fantasy. A beautiful fantasy.

"Come closer..." he softly says. His eyes are still shut but his arm is arching, gesturing for me to take place in then. "Y/n..." he opens his eyes, calling my name. You scoot over his side. He immediately puts his arm around you, making sure you are close. "You're shaking..." he utters as he goes back to closing his eyes, resting his head back. "You're almost naked with that dress of yours..."

"Sorry..." you say looking down at your knotted fingers. "I thought it will look good....that's why I wore it."

He sighs. "You do look good..." then he shifts in his position and makes sure you're looking back at him. Then he starts leans in, to kiss you.

"Wait..."

He pauses, confused by your reaction. You have never denied his kiss before.

"I'm sorry..."

"What for?" He asks

"Well..." you look to the front, where the driver is. "Do we just kiss or..." you whisper

Yoongi didn't expect your question which made him smile. "It depends." He is looking straight into your eyes, your face are just inches away.

"He might hear us..." you whisper

"I don't fucking care." He moves forward and finally catches your lips.

***

After travelling for almost half an hour, you finally reach home.

"Welcome home, Miss..." The maid greets the second you slide out of the car. she then sees Yoongi, coming out from the other side of the car. "Master!" She bows again. "Welcome..."

They are suprised to see him. They didn't expect him to arrive with you. Looks like none of them knew he went to pick you up.

"Do we have anything to eat?" You softly ask the maid, then you realized that it's already late and that they have to rest too. "Oh... Sorry... never mind... you may go and rest." You give her a faint smile.

Then slowly walking towards the elevator, you could see your husband's reflection through the glass doors. He is busy already with his phone.

"Y/n..."

You glance up, peaking through the reflection. He is walking towards you. So you wirl around and waited for him to stand in front of you.

"Ask your assistant to remove all charities or event under the Lee's tomorrow. Even parties." He says as he undo his bow tie. "And... to not accept any invitation from them...again"

"Why?"

He didn't answer. No answer means he's serious.

"Okay..." You just answer before turning your back at him again.

Thinking about what you are in his world is heart breaking in a way. You are nothing but someone he owns. You just go with the flow of his world.

Yes you do had an idea what you've signed up for but its still shocking nonetheless how everything is unfolding and is doing.

"Aren't you getting in?"

You look up and see that he is in the elevator already, waiting.

"S-sorry..." you say before entering. You try your best to not make eye contact with him.

After both of you settled in, the maid follows and taps on level 3. That is where both your rooms are.

Oddly, Yoongi taps on the Upper ground after her. "Can you please cook something light before you leave? My wife needs to eat." He orders

"Yes, Master." She answers just in time when the elevator stops on UG.

"We'll both be down after we shower and get rested a bit."

"Understood, Master." She exists the elevator, bows and immediately walks off.

'My wife'. It is the second time he said that today. He never says that.

"Don't skip meals." He mumbles as the door closes

You didn't answer. You didn't mean to skip a meal or two today. And maybe a few days before too. You were nervous. One main reason is the dress you're wearing right now is very revealing. A satin black backless maxi dress. You wanted be perfect in the dress thats why, even though you know it's not achievable.

*pings*

The elevator door opens on level 3. You step out and about to turn to your wing when you hear him call your name again.

"Where are you going?" He asks

"T-to my room..." you sound so weak, "To shower..."

"Shower here." He says, suggesting the shower in his wing. Meaning in his room. Meaning his bathroom.

"Hmm?" You are lost in translation. Why is he asking you to shower there all of a sudden.

"To my room." And then he undo the first two buttons of his shirt.

"W-what? Why?"

He didn't say another word. He just continued to walk off towards his room leaving you.

"W-wait..." You take two steps forward but then stops.

"Y/N...." you hear the heels of his shoes stop hitting the marbled floor. His back is facing you. "I said, shower here. I didn't ask you to decide." he then turns around and you see his white top basically open now. "Will you go and shower with me or do you want me to peel that dress off you and carry you to my room?"

Flusttered by his remark, you just released an unsolicited shaky breathing. "Ahm... yes... I'm... I'm coming..."

***

[Flashback to Yoongi's side]

(Earlier... as soon as Yoongi arrived at the charity event)

Some of the people in the event went silent for a few seconds the moment they saw you enter the building. They all didn't expect you to show up since your wife was already present. But of course, they still greeted you with a smile and tried to make small talks. They want to be on your good side. They know what you are capable off. What power you hold in this world.

However, you don't care about these fuckers. You dropped by because you received a call from your wife's bodyguard that Y/N is not looking okay.

"Where is she?" You ask the man standing behind you.

"She just left the bar, Sir. And went out to the garden." He reply.

"I see."

One step, you just took one step and somebody already stands in your way to your wife.

"Look who's here."

"Sarang." You say her name, bitterly. You are not expecting her to be here.

"You have been ignoring my invites for quite some time now... I thought, helping others is one of your goals in life that's why you work 24/7?"

"I thought this event was by the Lee's?" You hiss at your male assistant.

"It is, Sir. By--"

"Lee Do-Hyun..." she cuts off the assistant. "My husband..." she proudly says. "Aww.. That kind a... hurts my feelings...that... you have no idea I got married..."

"I don't keep tab on people who's not important to me."

She scoffs but she sounded a bit insulted and her ego got hurt. But she's good at pretending that it didn't bothered her. "You say that now...but a few years ago... I was your muse..." she tries to move closer to you but your body guards stands in between quickly.

"Was." You look away from her and try to search for your wife through the window not far away from where you stand. "My mistake for socializing to a liar, back stabbing... leech like you." You say, then giving her a side eye. "I wish your husband good fortune... or that he loves spoiling you... or esle... he'll found out his wife's true color..."

You're about to walk away, again, but this bitch still wants to talk to you.

"You think... she'll not get tired of you? Of you controlling her? Especially getting married with you... with no love at all?" She snorts a laugh again. "Or maybe... she will not..." she mumbles under her breathe, "Now... It figures... why you picked someone from a low class family... someone with no choice but to stay with you because her family needs your money. I see..." she laughs again, "poor girl... if I were her, I would milk you all of your money so it will be worth it... after all she married a controlling, dominant, and a freaky person like you."

You know Y/N is not like her. She is a nice person. She's not into money like this bitch is. However, you do think about how Y/N thinks about you and her marriage to you.

You admit that you are very controlling when it comes to her. It is one of your negative trait that you cannot put away. It comes natural with you because of the life you have been brought up and your business. You want things to happen in your way and you are also possessive. You do try to controll it when it comes to her but you are not sure if you are doing it right.

Well how could you know, you never talk about it. Even with your wife. You never asked about her feelings and opinions.

"Watch your mouth." You mumble. "You might think you know me from the years we've been together. But you haven't seen half of what I can and would do... if anyone picks a fight with me.." you glare at her. "Consider this a warning."

[End of flashback from Yoongi's side]

*************

"Miss..."

Slowly opening your eyes, your eyes carefully adjusted to the light. You could see the ray of sunshine peaking through your dark thick curtains.

"Miss..."

You turn your head to the side and see your maid bowing.

"It's noon Miss..."

"Oh."

It has been a quite a few days now, since you start waking up this late. You are usually up early. You are a morning person. You also do jogs or walks around the property and sometimes go to the home gym to move, always. But something shifted in your routines.

You are tired, less motivated and no will to get up your bed.

"I think we need to call the family doctor now, Miss." The maid suggested. "You've lost a bit of weight and you look pale."

"I'm fine." You say as you push your duvet off your body and slide down off your bed. "I'll take a quick bath..." you mumble

"Understood." She is ready to come along with you.

"No... I'm fine... I'll just go alone... just prepare food for me please."

"But... Miss..." she usually prepares your bath and always stays with you there. After the little accident you had a year ago when you first experience a hot bath on the tub. You fainted because you fell asleep. Too much enjoyment and you forgot it is not good to stay long in there.

"I'll be fine." You smile and requested for her to leave

"Okay Miss... but... I will be back after half an hour to check."

"Sure."

You slept last night, wearing your silk robe and your fancy cream nightgown, his favorite. You were expecting Yoongi to come home last night as per usual schedule. But he didn't. He didn't even informed the staff that he'll not be home for a longer period.

What happened? You don't know.

The last time you talked to him was the night he asked you to come to his room and shower with him.

Everything that night was magical. For you atleast. But then you ruined it.

When you both entered his dark room, he immediately clung onto you. He held you like everything depends on it. It was more intemate and hungry than the usual and you liked it for some reason. After all the self doubt and insecurity you felt in the party, the intemacy made you feel more than what you feel.

And when he peeled off your dress from your body, you didn't expected him to go down on his knees and lick your soul out of your body. His tongue did more than you know he could do. It brought you to another level of high. And you didn't know you could screech like an animal because of it. He really made sure you are on cloud nine or even beyond that.

"Fuck me... please..." you begged him after you knees weakened and fall down the floor where he is.

"No." He said. He was sturn. "No request for tonight." He said and then he positioned you underneath him where he could properly see you crumble because of him.

"Y-yoongi... please.... I need... I want to come..." you begged

He brought you to cloud nine but then hold onto your pearls when you were about to orgasm.

"I'm punishing you right now..." he said as he lowers down and starts to run his tongue from your chest up. "Next time... don't wear any sort of revealing clothes...when I'm not around.. do you understand that Y/N?"

"Y-yes..."

"Another rule to add... are you okay with that?" He hummed the last words on your ears before he let both his hands squeeze your breast. "Answer me..."

"I don't... mind..." you were squearming underneath him. He was playing your nipples then. "I... I don't mind... Yoongi..." you repeated, pleading.

His punishment continued for another few minutes. It was too much. You were struggling catching your bliss but he's playing you. However, you are patient. You know his kinks and you know what he wants and so you do whatever and accept whatever. Coz you know it is from him.

"Scream my name." He grunted as he pounds you with no mercy.

You were holding on to his massive bookshelf on the wall, your legs were lifted and hanging over his forearm whilst he was thrusting deep in you. You were getting hurt from your back hitting the shelves but it didn't matter. You don't know why but for some reason you can endure everything just for Yoongi. Even pain.

"Nnggghhaaa..." you threw your arms around his neck as he went faster. "Please!" You cry on his neck. "Aaaahhh!!" You screamed the orgasm you have been keeping for a while. You felt relieved and content.

And as you two were catching your breath. You uttered words that surprised the both of you. You said 'I love you' to Yoongi.

It should not be a surprise. You two are married right. However since yours are different from others, those words were never said or mentioned ever after the wedding. It is like a forebidden phrase though there are no rule about it. It's like an unspoken deal that no one says those words since THIS.. YOU TWO... is just a fantasy. You two got together with no love. It is not real. You are just one of his property.

And so, after that night. That magical night for you ended up into this cold, quiet and empty prison. Again. You are back to nothing.

You thought you are on a journey escaping that confinement. You thought that something is going to change. You thought... that you were wrong about him. But who are you kidding? You were just having sex like you used to. It is nothing special. It is the same crap. So you saying you love him is... worthless.

"Did I even mean it?" You ask yourself as you lay down in your hot bath. "I said it... after sex.." you are trying to understand how those words slipped out of your lips. If it all just happened because of such high from the sex.

You can clearly remember how you said it. You paused, looked into his eyes and carefully said it. You know you said it with the intent for him to hear it but when you saw his reaction. It made you realize what a big mistake it was.

"Am I having feelings for him?" You mumble as you lower yourself more into the water. "I should not right?"

You know the answer to your own quesion. Look at him even ignoring you for almost two weeks now. Who are you even kidding thinking it will have an effect on him?

After the 'I love you' incident, He eat dinners without you or he let you eat first before he comes out of his home office. And then when he leaves, he does not inform you now. You just get the news of him flying off somewhere from your maid. Even his men are being cautious with you. He must've ordered them to be distant but at the same time protect you.

How funny that these are his responses to you. You know you deserve it but you're a little bit hurt, your not going to lie.

"Who am I for him to love?" You sigh. "Maybe... I should just prepare myself for the ending of this fantasy..."

*********

"Master." The maids bows as they suddenly sees Yoongi enter the main entrance while they are all cleaning.

Yoongi have not been home for a while. He has been... busy.

"Give them all my clothes." He says to his right hand man. "Sorry if it's quite a lot today." He then says to the maids as he removes his black coat revealing his white button up shirt, stained with blood. A lot of it. No one reacted to the visual that is shown. All the staff are used to it. They know how his world is.

"Where is she?" He asks as he loosen up his tie

All the maids in the corredor suddenly turn heads to the youngest one at the end of the line. She is Y/N personal maid.

"Master." She steps forwards and bows again. "Miss is in her bath."

Yoongi frowns. "Alone?"

"Ahm..." she suddenly stutters. "Sorry, Master! She... Miss wanted to... alone... but I told her after half an hour I will go back."

"How long has she been there?" He then throws his tie on the ground.

"Twenty."

"Okay." He takes a deep breathe and tries to collect himself. "Just go and be on standby in her room. She can't stay any longer."

"Okay, Master." She bows again and briskfully walk back to Y/N wing.

"Are you not going to... visit her Sir?" His male right hand asks. "She have been messaging you since..." he pauses for a bit. "And calling too."

He didn't answer. "Ready my bath please." He orders and just continue walking his way to his room.

"Understood." The man replies

"She can't see me like this." Yoongi mumbles as he walks

"I see..." his right hand man smiles at his master's response.

"Why are you smiling?" Yoongi asks, one eyebrow up.

"Nothing, Sir."

"Just spit it out."

The right man, Mr. Kim have been Yoongi's right hand man ever since he was in his teens. Mr. Kim saw him grew up and be the man that he is now. And for sure, if something changed he would be the first one to notice

And now, the tiny changes in Yoongi's mood and decisions, He might not know or see it but it is obvious for Mr. Kim. He knows it is something about his wife.

"2nd week of your marriage, Sir. She saw you coming home with a bloody lip and injured knuckles. You said you don't give a damn if she sees you looking like a murderer."

"So? What's your point?"

"It's just lately...."

Yoongi pauses and turns around to see Mr. Kim, wearing a smile.

"What are you implying? Just... say it."

Mr. Kim bows and says, "Nothing Sir."

"Hmmm..." rolling his eyes, he continued to walk.

*****

"Miss..." your personal maid rushes in your room, "Master have return." She says.

To her suprise, she sees you standing in the middle of the room, wearing your bathrobe and a towel in your hair already.

You take a deep breathe, not letting your eyes look away from the view you are seeing from your window, a clear blue sky.

"Miss.. shall I prepare your clothes?"

You close your eyes and then removed the towel wrapped around your long hair. "Please..." you softly answer

"What do you prefer to wear today, Miss?" She asks she she begins to walk towards your walk in closet.

"A black dress..." you say as you follow along. "Maybe the one with the longer sleeves."

She nods and then continues to search for the dresses you have that matches your description while you on the other hand looks at yourself in the full length mirror while you undress from your robe.

You stare at your body and see how you thin you are. Not super thin but thinner than what you used to.

It's your own fault. You have been skipping meals when you are stressed and it's not good.

"Miss?" She then lays three dresses on the sofa in the middle, for your choices.

"The middle one." You says.

You then open the drawer for your undies to grab a black lace matching underwear.

"Ahm, Miss...?"

"Yes?"

"Are you going to eat with Master, in the dinning today?"

"Hmm... what did he say?"

"Nothing. He just asked me to stay with you when I told him you are in your bath."

"Did he say if he wants to see me?"

The maid didn't answer.

"I guess not." You scoff as you getting into the dress. "Just bring my food in my study room. I'll eat there while I do some reading."

"Understood." She bows and exists the room.

"I'm not gonna wait for him anymore." You say to yourself while looking onto the mirror. "If he's going to avoid me or ignore me... then... that's what I'll do as well..."

Starring once again at yourself on the mirror, you look at your face and then your eyes goes down to your belly.

"I have to learn to go on with my life... with or without him..." you mumble. "I should start to escape this fantasy... a dream that maybe the 'us' will be something."

Part 3 - Twilight

[signalburst]

Shōgun Historical Shallow-Dive: Part 1

Does everybody else's heart hurt? Good! Let's get learning. These characters and the people that inspired them all deserve their own post, but here's a quick one if you're wondering what happened. This is a shallow-dive because the history is extremely complicated, and a condensed version of just the events leading up to Sekigahara (the battle depicted in the finale) take up entire volumes of history. I'll do my best to answer questions about what happened to our three protagonists, in the show, as well as real life 🙇

One note: given I'm not a professional historian, I've got no obligation to not have biases and favourites. I've tried to keep most of them out of this, but if you want to punish yourself by trying to keep track of who's who in the Azuchi-Momoyama period, this book is the best English-language overview.

What happened to Toranaga (Tokugawa Ieyasu)?

Gif: @yocalio

I am not as strong as I might be, but I have long known and practiced patience. And if my descendants wish to be as I am, they must study patience. - from The Legacy of Ieyasu Tokugawa

In the book, Toranaga reveals that it had been his aspiration to be Shōgun from the very beginning. That was what drove his alliance with the Taiko, that was what drove his feigned alliance with the Heir.

History follows a very similar path. I re-read some chapters on the battle of Sekigahara last night, and there is no easy way to explain it, but: the result of Sekigahara (an enormous, two-day battle with 200,000 samurai and ashigaru warriors in the field) was an enormous victory for Tokugawa, Toranaga's real-life counterpart.

Years - sometimes decades - of scheming by Tokugawa had made Ishido/Ishida's Western Alliance completely fragmented. In the months leading up to the period displayed in the show, Toranaga was calling in a lifetime of marriage alliances, diplomatic advantage, defensive pacts and childhood friends who'd risen to high status. Re-reading the sources, the names of all the lords of all the important fiefs and castles makes my head spin, let alone the ones that turned out to be pivotal to Toranga/Tokugawa's victory. But it was a resounding victory, and by both the numbers and the disposition of forces, he should have lost.

Historians have a consensus that if the 'Western forces' of the Heir had have fought together with a unified command structure, they would have won, easily. But they didn't - orders from Ishido/Ishida were ignored, Toranaga/Tokugawa endured onslaughts, and the Regents' opposing armies eventually fractured and melted away. This was a last-of-an-era battle. Families were fighting on either side, every single unit that could be brought to bear was on the field. It is no exaggeration to say Sekigahara is one of the few, unambiguous battles upon which the beginning of a historical era came down to.

Toranaga/Tokugawa triumphed because he spent decades building unity of purpose and strong alliances, simultaneously sowing division amongst the Regents, who ultimately balked at being commanded by a bureaucrat like Ishido/Ishida. Whilst there was no one decisive moment of an extremely bloody, rainy, two-day battle, the fact that Ishido/Ishida's forces refused to be told what to do by someone of lower status was the main theme of their defeat. A crucial army stationed on the hill stayed still, refusing to commit to either side, until Toranaga/Tokugawa fired muskets into their ranks. They made up their mind, and attacked Ishido/Ishida's Western army. Ishido/Ishida's one trick of firing a flare to commit the reserve army didn't work. The commander ignored it. Instead of being there to fight for something, Ishido/Ishida's coalition was there to oppose someone. They all had different reasons. And ultimately, the man that brought them together didn't command enough respect to command a battle.

As our show Toranaga said, the Regents fell upon each other. He might have been a bit optimistic about how and why this would happen (they fell over each other in retreat, and it took two days of horrific combat), but it happened. Tokugawa Ieyasu was famous for richly rewarding former enemies, and most of those he defeated kept their heads. This reputation is a strong incentive for leaving the field when things start going Tokugawa's way.

The two exceptions were Ishido/Ishida, and Kiyama/Konishi, both beheaded in Osaka (Ishido, bizarrely, was upbeat about his fate, until seconds before the sword came down). Killing Ishida was the obvious move, as the man schemed and bitched so much he caused a civil war. Killing Konishi was more calculated - it opened up his trade-hub in Kyushu to being ruled by a fervent Buddhist daimyo and ally of Tokugawa.

Toranaga/Tokugawa forces soon captured Osaka Castle after the battle of Sekigahara, and with it, the Heir.

Toranaga/Tokugawa 'reluctantly' accepted the Imperial appointment of Shōgun three years later, in 1603. In 1605, he abidcated, passing the title to his most malleable and competent son, Hidetada. He was the real power behind the throne and ruled until his death in 1616.

The year before he died, he was able to fully secure his legacy. The Heir (in real life, Toyotomi Hideyori) had begun to gather daimyo to Osaka castle who were opposed to Tokugawa. Tokugawa used the flimsiest of pretexts - the opening of a shrine - to order the Heir out of the castle. He refused, Tokugawa forces besieged the castle - twice. The first one was called off because cannon fire nearly killed Ochiba no kata, and she pushed her son to sue for peace. By the second siege, there would be no peace: the Tokugawa forces defeated all oppoosition, and secured the legacy.

Toranaga/Tokugawa's descendants would rule for 250 years of internal peace and external lock-down of the country from barbarians (and Christians), except for limited trade.

The big question: did Toranaga/Tokugawa really want to be Shōgun from the start? History tells us, rather unambiguously, yes - before the campaign, he was writing his 100 Articles for ruling Japan, which would be instrumental for his family holding on to power and preventing internal strife. His plan may well have gone back to his formative, teenage years. At the very least, it is highly likely it was solidified when Toranaga/Tokugawa was a vassal of the Dictator Koroda/Oda Nobunaga - the man Mariko/Hosokawa Gracia's father assassinated, who was brutal even by the standards of the day. We don't have time for him, the Taiko, and Mariko's father today - but my opinion is that the motherfucker firmly deserved to be assassinated, and the only amazing thing is that the inspiration for Mariko's father was able to hold off for so long.

But that killing set off a chain of events that would lead to Toranaga/Tokugawa becoming sole ruler of a unified Japan. So much of history is contingent on individual actors and random events. It didn't have to happen. It was extremely unlikely. But, through patience (and by my reckoning, a lot of luck), he made the world he wanted to see. Whether that was worth the price in lives is for the reader to decide.

But by all accounts, Toranaga/Tokugawa died very satisfied in the knowledge that his legacy was secure, his realm was unified, and, finally, at peace.

What happened to Mariko (Hosokowa Gracia)?

Gif: @yocalio

As is probably obvious, Mariko's purpose was fulfilled before the conclusion of the show. As is also probably obvious, her historical counterpart - Hosokowa Gracia - did not have an affair with an English sea pilot (😢). She did, however, change Japanese history, and tipped the balance of noble support towards Toranaga/Tokugawa. Her death had meaning.

The framing of her marriage to Buntaro and exile after her father's successful assassination of a brutal dictator is almost exactly correct. She was one of the most desirable, valued and accomplished young noblewomen of the day. The stain of the name Akechi would haunt her for the rest of her life. Real life Buntaro, Hosokowa Tadaoki, genuinely sent her away for two years to save her life. The Hosokowa family even went so far as to pretend that she had died, to save her from the Taiko's vengeance. Whilst her marriage was an unhappy one (though not, as far as is known, abusive), she was beloved by the head of the Hosokowa clan, the show's Hiromatsu. They went to extraordinary lengths to keep her safe.

Her main comfort in her life was her faith. It's perhaps here that we get the strongest through-line from Hosokowa Gracia to Mariko - unafraid, intelligent, and fierce.

She first came to learn about Christianity from her Christian maid, who extolled the virtue of the faith, and the opportunities for intellectual stimulation theological discussion could bring. In 1587 (five years after her father assassinated the dictator, three years after she returned from exile), she decided to take action on it. She snuck out of Osaka Castle and visited the main church in Osaka - she had lively conversations with the elderly Father-Visitor, and was an excellent pupil of both Portuguese and Latin theological texts. I don't know if you guys have ever tried to read those things, but even in translation, they are torturous. This woman was extremely intelligent.

As a noble woman of the Taiko's court, she knew he was about to issue an edict outlawing Christianity. Being the (excuse the language) absolute fucking badass that she was, she had her maid (baptismal name Maria) baptise her before the edict was issued, transforming from Hosokowa Tama to Hosokowa Gracia. Even though she had to keep her faith a secret due to the Taiko's edict, she found a way to hold on to it. She had a special sake cup made with the Hosokowa mon emblazed on the lip, which, on very close inspection, was actually a Christian cross.

During this time of her religious conversion and education, a primary source from a Jesuit priest says that 'I have never disputed with a woman of such clear judgement, and such definite knowledge.' She was known for being fiercely intelligent, and this is commented on in many European letters and journals that have remained from the Catholic church's time in Japan.

Her relationship with her husband - like Buntaro, a senior retainer of Toranaga/Tokugawa - was frosty. They never reconciled after her father's (Akechi Mitsuhide) rebellion, but her husband did recall her from exile when it was safe to do so, and she lived to serve a very similar purpose to Mariko in the book and show. By virtue of not being an interpreter, she was less close to Toranaga/Tokugawa than in the book and show, but she was still dedicated to her clan and her clan's overlord, as will become clear.

Just as in the show, Hosokowa Gracia agonized at the thought of seppuku putting her soul in mortal danger. But she perceived her duty to be to ensure death before being captured or otherwise dishonoured.

To put it bluntly, Ishido (Ishida in real life) fucked up. Before any military manouvers had begun, he went to seize hostages of friends and enemies alike throughout Osaka castle. His forces tried to forcibly seize Hosokowa Gracia from the family quarters. She gave orders for her senior retainer to kill her, her daughter, and set fire to their section of Osaka Castle, so that none could be taken and subjected to dishonour. She arranged with this samurai to stand on one side of a shoji screen, facing him. He stabbed her through the heart with a naginata. She died, satisfied in the knowledge that:

...the death was not suicide, and her soul would doubtless be spared from the torments of Hell.

Although not doing this directly on the orders of Toranaga/Tokugawa, it's highly likely she knew that she was making a statement (many of the other hostages went quietly). This furthered his cause immensely. Inspired by Hosokowa Gracia, families streamed out of Osaka Castle and other Regent-held castles by any method they could. Her example ignited a firestorm of controversy surrounding the gall of a jumped-up bureaucrat (a reputation Ishido/Ishida would never escape) forcing the death of one of the era's pre-eminent noblewomen. Although her husband was relatively unbothered by her death, her father-in-law - the book/show's Hiromatsu - was furious. Because of Hosokowa Gracia and his granddaughter's death, he immediately fortified his border castle.

He defied a large [Ishido/Ishida] army of 15,000 men with only 500 men of his own.

Many of [Ishido/Ishida's] commanders held [Hosokowa Fujitaka/Hiromatsu] in such high regard that they went through the bare motions of laying siege. On a regular basis, gunners 'accidentally' forgot to load their cannon with iron shot, and so Tanabe Castle's walls reverberated daily to the harmless booming of blank gundpowder explosions. [Ishido/Ishida's] military offensive had launched to a disastrous start.

The siege only ended because of an imperial decree (it's a long story - Fujitaka/Hiromatsu knew an oral tradition special imperial poem that risked dying with him, nobody could refuse the Emperor). More than this, any chance Ishido/Ishida had of convincing skilled and respected generals to commit to his side ended with Fujitaka/Hiromatsu's defiance. Such was the respect that he commanded, and such was the rage he felt at the death of his daughter-in-law, that he worked tirelessly to gather support for Toranaga/Tokugawa, despite his advanced years.

Mariko/Hosokowa Gracia's contribution was an inflection point to what many samurai, busho and daimyo were suspecting - that Ishido/Ishida was a snake bitch who couldn't be trusted (I believe that's the correct historical term). Her actions galvanized resistance against him, and continued to spread the wildfire that would seal his defeat on the battlefield of Sekigahara: 'Why are we taking orders from him?'

Importantly, Hosokowa Gracia's remains were gathered by a Catholic priest, and given a Christian burial in Osaka. From everything we know of her, this would have been very meaningful indeed. Just as with Mariko in the show's depiction, Hosokowa Gracia's death was not senseless or without meaning. It meant something, and continues to resonate through the centuries.

What happened to John Blackthorne (William Adams)?

Gif by @cinematic-gif-archive

The short answer: imagine an alien landed in America. It was smart enough to avoid death. It ended up chief special advisor to Obama, and they became bros. That is William Adams's life.

First things first: Blackthorne stays in Japan. 'Old Rich Blackthorne' scenes are basically fever dreams. I was worried when the episode opened with a flash-forward to an old man living in Tudor comfort. This would be a huge change from both the book, and history. The novel ends with Toranaga confirming that his plan is for Blackthorne to never leave Japan. Blackthorne finds his place there. In history, the same is true of William Adams.

In episode 10, the 'is this a flash-forward?/is this a dream?' question is answered halfway through the episode. Blackthorne drops Mariko's cross over the side with Fuji's family ashes. As soon as that's done, the aged visions of Blackthorne disappear.

For those who are more textual than visual: the episode is titled A Dream of a Dream (a play on the title of the Taiko's death poem). Concussed, grief-stricken Blackthorne is dreaming of the dream he used to have - returning to England with riches and glory, his family name secure, with every comfort Queen Elizabeth the First can offer a pirate-explorer like Sir Francis Drake or Sir Walter Raleigh. But as soon as he lets go of Mariko's cross into the water (earlier, actually, when he sincerely attempted seppuku to try and save the people of Ajiro) that dream stopped appearing. The dream he had of exploiting Japan for riches and glory was gone, replaced with the reality of the life he is left to build.

In the show and the book, Toranaga is explicit about never letting Anjin-sama/Blackthorne leave Japan. If he builds new ships, Toranaga will burn them again. He needs Blackthorne's knowledge, expertise, and - in a bizarre twist of fate - friendship. We leave him hauling his wreck from the harbour, ready to salvage the keel and spars, to build a new ship in Japan.

So how does this marry up with history? Extremely accurately. As far as we know, the historical William Adams was slightly less of a pirate/privateer than the book/show's John Blackthorne. His hatred of Catholicism was more driven by their fervent desire to kill him, which they kept up for nearly a decade. His interest in exploration, in the show and in the historical, was genuine.

The show's story very closely follows what actually happened in real life (again, sans romance... although he does have love in his life, which we'll get to). His crew were initially imprisoned, he was summoned by Toranaga/Tokugawa, and met with him many times to discuss his knowledge of the outside world, trade, and Christianity's impact in Asia. The Jesuits did pester the Council of Regents, and Toranaga/Tokugawa in particular, to execute him. Toranaga/Tokugawa refused, saying this barbarian had done nothing to harm Japan or its people. The Jesuits would not forget this.

He did train elements of Toranaga/Tokogawa's army in how to work the cannon his ship possessed - a skill he possessed, but no one else was willing to offer. He actually followed Toranaga/Tokugawa to several battles. Recent primary source evidence has revealed it was highly likely he was actually at the Battle of Sekigahara, which is a very recent development in the historiography of his life. It is just bananas insane, but it demonstrates just how useful (and likeable) Blackthorne/Adams was to Toranaga/Tokugawa.

I've read two biographies of William Adams, and he was very, very like the Blackthorne portrayed by Cosmo Jarvis. Other Europeans in Japan complained that he was arrogant and dismissive - historians see this as Adams adapting to his station in Japanese society, and being extremely frustrated with European manners and bearing in Japan.

Once Toranaga/Tokugawa became shōgun, Adams - already a samurai - was made hatamoto, and forbidden from leaving Japan. He was granted many generous cuckoos (250 of them!), an estate in Edo, a fief at the entrance to Edo bay, and rose to become Toranaga/Tokugawa's chief trade advisor. During Toranaga/Tokugawa's remaining life, he built two Western-style ships (which Tokugawa came aboard and was very pleased with - that's nice!), and took over piloting duties of Portuguese and Spanish ships making landfall in Edo, pissing off the Catholics to no end.

On Ieyasu Tokugawa's death in 1616, his holdings and fief were confirmed by the new shōgun, Ieyasu Hidetada. But his relationship with the court wouldn't be the same. My reading of the sources leads me to believe that James Clavell was right here: Toranaga/Tokugawa Ieyasu genuinely liked Blackthorne/William Adams, and wanted him around.

As more and more Europeans arrived in Japan, including the English and the Dutch, Adams served as translator for them, and - for the Enlgish - fixer whenever they did something barbaric and rude that would warrant execution. He seemed to view spending time with the (no joke) drunken, whoring, disgusting-smelling English trading factory members as an extreme annoyance. He seemed happiest at sea, and at his mansion in Edo, where he married the daughter of a merchant in 1613. Whilst her name is lost to the historical record, they had two children, Joseph and Susanna.

He wasn't a deadbeat dad - he wrote to his wife back in England, explaining that he could not return. She was a firebrand, and eventually extracted a form of life insurance from the Dutch company that had contracted Adams's piloting services. Partly she was able to do this because of a proclamation issued by Toranaga/Ieyasu Tokugawa: 'William Adams was dead the day he was made samurai, and Miura Anjin - the pilot of the fief of Miura - was born.' That sounds like a badass quote I've made up, but that's one of the English translations of Tokugawa's proclamation.

Adams kept up his maritime adventures, charting the Japanese coast, going on several trading missions to Southeast Asia (sailing to Thailand and meeting with the King of Siam, furthering his amazing ability to charm and dazzle). He struck up firm friendships with members of Tokugawa's court, fellow Japanese merchants in Edo, and the much more polite Dutch traders, despite the tensions that had grown between their two countries.

There's an important aspect of his legacy that endured for centuries. Toranaga/Tokugawa, suspicious of what he had learned of Catholic conversion and invasion of other Asian states, was already disposed to be wary of the Church. The Church in Japan would not let Adams rest, attempting to kill him, convert him, bribe him, and offer him passage home in 1614 on a Portuguese ship. In the same year Portuguese priests claimed that only Spanish miners had the skills to open up the mineral wealth of Japan. Adams warned the shōgun, again, that this was the Catholic way - first the priests, then the conquistadores.

Influenced by these reports and counsel, and because the Jesuits legitimately were conspiring to do the shit Adams accused them of (always a tough charge to defend), Toranaga/Tokugawa Ieyasu expelled all Portuguese priests in 1614, and demanded all Japanese Christians recant. Apart from this leading to the Dutch being the only nation allowed to conduct trade with Japan, this was the end of Japanese Christianity, until the country was forced open in 1855. Christianity never took root in the same way it would in places like Brazil and the Philippines. Was William Adams the only factor in this development? No. Was he a factor? Yes.

He died in 1620, after twenty contented years in Japan and Asia. His will stipulated that his estates and belongings be split evenly between his family in England and Japan. One of Adams's colleagues recorded that Ieyasu Hidetada transferred lordship of Adams's fief to his Japanese son, Joseph, as well as his katana and wakizashi. His line fell out of the historical record, but memory of and monuments to the Anjin remain in Japan.

Faring Well

Shōgun, the book, was fiction, written by a man fascinated by Japanese history, driven by a desire to bring it to the world. He was overwhelmingly successful. It was an excellent start, and even fired up some fascinating academic discussion at the time that I'd definitely recommend. The 2024 adaptation, in my view, changes many of the elements that have aged poorly, were flat-out wrong to begin with, and - like all great adaptations - adds to the work, rather than cheapening it.

Despite being based on real people, the fictional characters created for the show - Blackthorne, Toranga, and especially Mariko - feel real. That is an amazing achievement.

I hope this opens up an interest in Japanese history for some viewers. Being able to visit the places where these events took place is a truly awesome experience. Like all history, it's for individuals to judge what they think of the players.

Hiroyuki Sanada said that he admires Tokugawa Ieyasu because of his ability to bring forth 250 years of peace out of nearly 500 years of chaos. Was Ieyasu motivated by altruism, or self-interest? Does it even matter?

Anna Sawai saw in Hosokowa Gracia a moving, powerful woman, deeply committed to her faith, and to doing what she believed was right in the context of her time. As a person without faith myself, I found this portrayal of genuine belief extremely moving. The demonstration of her convictions was one of the most amazing performances I've ever seen.

And as for the English pilot, Cosmo Jarvis said he wanted to capture the restlessness of Adams, his slow transformation and growth, and the unique qualities that allowed the man to survive and thrive in an extremely deadly time. One thing he nailed that I think even James Clavell messed up was how deepy strange William Adams was. Not weird, not insane, but just a very singular individual. Biographers talk about his aloof, detached, self-aware nature being misconstrued as arrogance by Europeans who encountered him in Japan. Part of it was his annoyance at their inability to learn how to be in Japan; part of it was that he was simply built very differently. In embodying this, I think Cosmo Jarvis succeeded amazingly.

From what we can find in the historical record, William Adams and Hosokowa Gracia may not be 'great' in the sense that Tokugawa Ieyasu was 'great'. They did not build an era. To borrow a phrase from one of my favourite historical writers, whilst they may not be 'great' people, they were good people. That is vanishingly rare in the history we celebrate, and I think, for that reason alone, it's important to remember them, and the things they lived and died for.

[tathrin]

Okay but the Dunedáin. They've been roaming the western wilds for years and years. And then Aragorn goes off and gets himself made king of Gondor, huzzah ring the bells sound the trumpets etc.

But.

The Dunedáin. Do they all go to Gondor with him? I feel like that's the implication of things. But like...do they all want to? And if/when they do, how does it go?

(There has to be a significantly higher number of them than the 30 we see represented by the Grey Company, too, right? Like even assuming the addition of wives-elders-and-children to those numbers, there has to be a much larger population than that if they're maintaining a population. Even with intermarrying of the other locals. Like, even with Magical Noble Lineage going on to keep things from getting wonky, they can't be interbreeding that much or else everybody would be an Heir To The Throne Of Gondor by now lmao. Those 30 have to just be a fraction of their folk. The "good riders and good warriors who could be gathered on quick notice" fraction.)

Is everybody excited to leave their lowkey wilderness-with-the-occasional-vacation-in-Rivendell existence in favor of the Fancy Shiny White City Full Of Other Humans? The Dunedáin have been living like this for hundreds and hundreds of years. It's not just a "we spent a few decades in exile, but taught our kids Our Ways to preserve them, so they'd be comfortable when they went home" situation. They've been living like this for so long that this is their way of life. This is their home. And now they're supposed to just pack-up and go to Gondor and be fine?

And how do the Gondorians react to having not just a new king, but a new king who brings along a whole bunch of scruffy Rangers for his retinue? Are they welcomed eagerly by a people who've just endured great loss of life and need hands to help them rebuild? I mean tbf probably at first, sure; but how long does that welcome endure without starting to cool when these Rangers prove to be not just Gondorians From Elsewhere Who Nonetheless Act Just Like The Rest Of Us And Know Our City And Its Ways As Well As We Do? Because they don't! They don't even know which hall is used for banquets and which for dancing! They don't know that on Aldëa we wear carnë! and so on.

(Do they all just go to Ithilien with Faramir out of sheer what-the-fuck-am-I-going-to-do-in-this-bigass-city-ness?)

Yes they're all of the Blood of Westernesse and all that, shared Numenorian heritage blah blah blah...but imagine you've been living off-the-grid in the forests of Pennsylvania, and all of a sudden you're dropped in the middle of NYC and told this is your home now, enjoy? How weird would that be? How bizarre, how overwhelming?

Maybe you like it, maybe you thrive there! Maybe you find that Gondorian Civilization is what you've been looking for all along! But what if you don't? What if you find you really hate crowds, and the politics of the city are stifling, and you didn't spend the last seventy years travelling all over Middle-earth learning everybody's ways and culture, thanks, and frankly you'd rather be back in Bree making small-talk with simple farmers and Hobbits, where everybody knows your (nick)name and you're comfortable? Even if you do like it, even if this is All Your Hopes Come True, it's still got to be enormously disruptive. And if you don't...yikes.

(Again, sure, there's Ithilien. But even though that wild-land-recovering-from-the-scars-of-the-Enemy would be more familiar ground to you than the city itself, and Faramir is a great guy and all, Ithilien still isn't your home.)

Like...you don't get to just go back, do you? (Do you?) Maybe but even if you do, even if some of them did, their way of life is still kind of broken; because most of your fellow Rangers are in Gondor now, and you aren't even allowed into the Shire, and the Enemy you've been guarding folks from all this time is gone...

And sure, it's good! This is a good result! This is the Best Case Scenario Ending, really!

But still. What about the Dunedáin?

[septembersung]

@citadelofthestars You are in luck because I just overhauled our entire chore system for the new school year so this is all fresh on my mind.

Context: this was from the post about making chores fair for kids and not requiring more domestic labor of girls than boys or having sisters clean up after brothers but never vice versa.

The following sounds complicated but it’s not? It evolved organically based on what our house needs and fits into how I organize the rest of my life. And, ymmv based on kids’ ages, temperament, and varieties of neurodivergence. My kids are all under 11 and we homeschool and half of us are probably adhd, so we’re still learning skills and also in our space making messes a lot. I would also like to emphasize that I am so bad about chores. Hence the system. When we follow through… it’s amazing. And then we don’t and we start over again (distant screaming.)

We do chores 2-3 times a day on school weekdays (or… sometimes once… but that’s a rough day for cleanliness) and everybody helps at mealtimes. Everybody gives me an hour or a set number of chores on Saturday. We aim to have the house “Sunday ready” by dinnertime Saturday.

Morning chores: this is their chance to take care of their personal space: bed, desk, laundry tidy, that sort of thing. It’s part of general getting ready. After this, the big 3-4 kids help with animal chores (and gardens when applicable) except when they’ve fractured a bone like kid 4 currently has. In some seasons the big 3 will each have an easy first thing kitchen chore like “empty the dishwasher” but not usually during the first part of school year. Mornings are hard for us so we have to get into school routine fir a whole first.

Afternoon chores: By age and ability. Mostly, one-off jobs like change out laundry, put away your laundry, take out trash, entertain a little for 20 minutes so I can have free hands for a separate task, help make the afternoon snack, etc. (Our lives run in 20 minute increments it feels like. I have a timer for everything. It’s what keeps me on task.) I expect big kids (7+) to do 2-4 tasks in this time depending on what the tasks are and under 7s to do one or two things tops, with me. Laundry is a coveted job but the rule is you have to be able to read the label on the knob and reach the bottom of the washer. We’re always behind so I decide as we go what the next load is, and if it’s your basket you’ll be called to help me load even if you’re not big enough to do it independently. Everybody folds (except the 1yo. Because she thinks it’s a keepaway game.)

We have a basic laminated grid on the wall with a column for each kid and little chore stickers with Velcro buttons on the back. (Well, we will when I print and hang the updated version.) Stuff no one likes doing I assign in 2 month increments or more (for habit and technique building) like scrubbing the bathroom; things everyone wants to do, like dust mop, they trade off each week or so. My oldest is so possessive of his sweeping job it’s possible no one else will ever sweep that bit of floor again. But there’s so much else to sweep I’m not too worried tbh.

I try to reset the chart for changeable chores every weekend. In my new and improved version there’s a section for each chore time, and separate for meals, instead of one long column under your name, and you have two columns!, so you move your little chore sticker from “undone” to “done.” Also contemplating have a little sack of random chores to draw from, like a scrabble tile bag, because “contribute positively to the family” is our go to consequence for misbehavior.

Evening chores: This is when we “get in the zone”. Your zone is one specific area of the house you are responsible for. You can do it on your own as you like to stay on top of it or wait til during the fast zone tidy which comes right before or after dinner. And it is fast, like maximum 20 minutes and 10 is better. Big 3 kids rotate between dining room, living room, and main bathroom. Little kids share the playroom. Everybody helps in their own bedroom at the end for 5-10 minutes. I cycle through and help everybody as needed unless something urgent calls me.

Meal time jobs include: table, chairs, floor, dishes (load up or wash by hand.) We’re working up to include kitchen floor and counters as the big kids take on more responsibility for cooking. Again the big 3 kids rotate among the more skilled jobs, while the little 3 trade out what they help scrub and sweep and carry.

Saturdays the kids will do a more irregular job, like “clean out the van” (which is all hands on deck together) or a periodic job like “mop or vacuum your zone” or “scrub cabinets.” We mostly discuss these jobs each week depending on what seems most needed instead of having a specific thing on the chart. (In my improved version the Velcro buttons say “Saturday chore time” in the little Saturday section at the bottom.)

This is probably way more detail than you ever needed in your life, but here we are. Happy planning!

[mcheang]

I have a prompt idea! So a rich kid transfers into DuPont who is the son of the prime minister or something. He can be bratty like Chloe and deceitful like Lila. The first thing he does is put Chloe in her place since her dad can’t do anything to him and exposes Lila as the liar she is with the help from his connections.But here’s the kicker, he has a massive crush on Marinette. But she has a massive crush on Adrien, someone he looks down on. Cue jealousy and retribution. Basically Adrien gaining an antagonist of his own because if he can have FOUR girls getting into a cat fight of her (two of whom are nasty bullies) then Marinette can have her own evil love interest. Bonus points if he is beginning to endear to Marinette after standing up to her bullies.

Remy Gusteau

Can you guess where I got his name? But I imagine him to look like Draco Malfoy if he has to keep saying “My father….” Lol

Your prompt is the first in a long while that has given my that old flair of imagination :D Thank you. Also, for anyone else who wants to send me a prompt, note I have not watched the latest season yet as I am waiting for all episodes to air first. So no spoilers please.

The only reason Remy even agreed to go to Paris after the rise of Hawkmoth was because it was the capital of gastronomy.

Even so, he refused to stay as a guest at the Le Grand Paris. There is no way he is staying in the same hotel as that bully Chloe. Honestly why Ladybug even let her remain a hero after she purposefully endangered a train full of Parisians is beyond him. And ever since he saw her purposefully sabotage a cooking show, he has been asking his father why her father was even still mayor if he could not even raise his daughter properly.

Even so, the mayor personally welcomed Remy at the airport.

Mayor: my daughter attends Dupont too, she can be your tour guide.

Remy: I certainly hope she learned to improve her personality. It doesn’t look good on France if the mayor of our capital has a bully for a daughter.

The mayor paled at the threat. “Of course she has improved. Why else would Ladybug give her a miraculous again?”

Remy: I guess we’ll see.

Later that night, Andre begged his daughter to be on her best behavior because otherwise, it might cost him his job.

Naturally Chloe was appalled. She started to protest when even her mother agreed with Andre. “It would never do for my darling to lose his job. All Chloe has to do is act nice in front of the prime minister’s boy, right? That’s easy to do. Chloe, if you can’t handle even this much, ask your sister for advice.”

The next day Chloe went out of her way to greet Remy and did not even give Sabrina orders…only to be ignored by Remy.

Ugh. Who did he think he is?

Sabrina: Um, the prime minister’s son?

The only seat left available was next to Ivan, right in front of Lila.

As Caline told Remy that Marinette would be his tour guide, Lila volunteered instead.

Lila: Oh, I can do it. As the ambassador’s daughter, I’m sure Marinette would has a lot to do anyway.

Marinette scowled at Lila. And she wasn’t the only one.

Remy himself was not happy. He recognised Marinette because of her parents and uncle. He had actually been looking forward to discuss recipes with her. Why did that nobody have to butt in?

Well that nobody was Lila, and clearly she never heard of personal space. For someone supposed to be giving a tour of the classrooms and teachers, she sure talked a lot about herself instead.

Don’t tell him that everybody actually indulged her like this?

Later that day, after class ended, he asked Caline why she does not try reining in Lila’s tall tales.

Caline: Lila has a special disease. She didn’t want her classmates to see her differently because of it.

Remy stared cooly at this dumb woman. “Hmm. Do you know something, I’ve heard the other students tell me I was in the akuma class. I thought perhaps it might be due to Chloe but perhaps you have something to do with it too. I wonder if I should ask my father to bring an inspector here.”

Caline: If you think it’s needed. I have only ever encouraged my students to forgive each other.

Remy: right, which is why you never told your class they were being lied to by Lila and denied them the chance to forgive her.

True to his word, Remy did bring an inspector around, and was he thorough! Marinette’s previous expulsion case was brought up and both Damocles and Caline were fired for mishandling the case. Remy even forced them to apologize to Marinette. Some, including Adrien, might protest this was harsh, but Remy drily pointed out that Caline’s method of forgiving bullies without punishing them was called enabling. Did she expect them to forgive Hawkmoth too? And Damocles is not supposed to turn school property into some cheap owl cave, nor punish the school for Chloe’s misdeeds. They were like children in the bodies of adults.

Oh, and Lila was exposed too. She had to confess her special ability to the whole school, outing her as someone who likes to tell tall tales.

Understandably, akumas appeared. Curiously though, they never got much chance to cause chaos. Mainly because the no-nonsense inspector and Remy struck them in the head once the transformation had finished, giving them no time to react, and proceeded to keep hitting them till they passed out.

Everyone stared at them.

Remy: What? The miraculous cure will fix everything.

And Remy finally got to discuss baking with Marinette! He just didn’t understand why she was so fixated on Adrien Agreste. The model reminded Remy of Caline, always about forgiving bullies. Spoken like someone who has never been bullied himself!

He just has to help Marinette see that Adrien isn’t worth her time. Some planned situations to show how useless the boy is. Good thing he has the mayor’s daughter at his beck and call. And he just knows she is dying to be mean again.

[internetgiraffekid1673]

Ramblings About Batfam Comics I Read This Week

So. I spent this week reading unhealthy amounts of batfam comics, and I have thoughts!

I have now read the entirety of the Red Robin solo comic, all of Batgirl Volume 3 (Stephanie Brown's batgirl run), Batman: the Road Home because I kinda had to for context, about half of the currently running Batgirls comic (Cass and Steph share the Batgirl role with Barbara as their mentor and also sometimes Batgirl), and The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller.

Why these? Simple, I wanted to read Batgirls, I wanted Red Robin Tim, and I wanted Carrie Kelley's existence. So, without further ado, here are my major thoughts!

You know me, my ramblings turn into long essays, so it all goes under a cut and subsections! As per usual, TL;DR at the bottom!

Multiple Comics:

1. Comics are funnier than we give them credit for. Even the edgiest ones I was reading left me cracking up every once in a while.

2. I have maintained this since I first started learning about the BatFam, and I will maintain it till I die---Batman has partners, not sidekicks. They don't follow his orders. He doesn't LET them do anything. He runs around doing damage control while a bunch of absolutely feral children fight crime. Batman doesn't make heroes. He finds heroes and makes sure they have access to a decent first aid kit, training, and some morals.

3. Stephanie Brown is a BAMF who does NOT get the love she deserves. Not only is she smart, determined, and awesome in a fight, she's got something that many batfam characters lack: kindness. Stephanie is sweet and adorkable and nice to everyone while still managing to be a chaotic, hypercompetent, sarcastic menace to society. I'll go into more details under the Batgirl v. 3 section, but I am now a massive Stephanie Brown stan, and I will not tolerate slander! Put some respect on the name of Stephanie f*cking Brown!

4. I am now both a shipper of TimSteph and CassSteph. With occasional HarperSteph. This is unsurprising. I have multiple characters I like together in most mediums, and I don't give a crap about canon, so I can ship whichever one I'm in the mood for! :)

5. In a similar vein, reading the comics very much stoked my already strong DickBabs fire. I love me so Birdflash, RobStar, and Babs/Kara, but I'm beginning to think DickBabs is my favorite combo.

6. Stephanie's OG spoiler costume is her best one, but she's at her best characterization as v. 3 Batgirl.

7. F*CK YOU NEW 52! Nobody likes you, and you ruin everything! You robbed me of my favorite incarnations of these characters! DEATH TO THE NEW 52! BURN, YOU DISGUSTING INSULT TO NARRATIVE CONSISTENCY!

8. Damian and Dick as Batman and Robin are honestly precious together. I only got bits and pieces viewed through Batgirl and Red Robin's eyes, but I really like them and their dynamic with both each other and everyone else. I think my favorite thing is definitely that they have named combo moves where they complete each other's quips. It's adorable.

9. Bruce is a well-meaning a**hole. He really does care about his family, but he needs to trust them more and get MUCH better at communicating.

10. Did you know everybody has a cool base outside of the Batcave? Damian and Dick are based in Wayne Tower, Tim has his Nest, Babs has the Clocktower, and Steph's Team Batgirl has the Firewall which is below Oracle's apartment.

Red Robin Solo Run

1. Tim is one cool BAMF. Man fought the whole Court of Spiders at once---who were killing League of Assasins members for fun BTW---and won and got the civilian bystander out safely. He blew up ALL of Ra's Al Ghul's bases, then fought off Ra's double threat of a hostile takeover on Wayne Enterprises and attempts to assasinate all of Batman's loved ones. He took down the evil, corruptive, hive-mind dark-net that supervillains use to communicate (yes this is a thing that exists). He successfully got evidence that Batman was alive when NOBODY else believed him and then was one of the first to actually know he was back and easily pass Bruce's tests (yes, Bruce tested people instead of telling them he was alive, because he is a well-meaning a**hole).

3. Tim is an edgy teenager. He does at least as much brooding as Batman, but with this sarcasm and dry wit behind everything that Batman doesn't really have. Tim has a consistent "Well f*ck my life, I guess," mentality that is FASCINATING to read, and is the source of a lot of his humor. He has a habit of reacting to really dramatic and serious situations with a deadpan "Welp. That ain't good. Guess I'll either figure it out or die trying."

2. Tim is apparently a chick-magnet. Just in Red Robin, he's got a thing going with Tam Fox and Lynx, Prudence Wood thinks he's sexy, he almost gets raped by Ra's Al Ghul's half-sister, and he and Steph still have feelings about each other that primarily consist of "why does my ex have to be so hot?" I am now incorporating this fact into ALL of my headcanons. It also makes for some fun drama, because all of these ladies (except maybe Steph) are way more into Red Robin than they are Tim Drake, even if they're aware of his identity. I find this objectively hilarious.

3. Tim's cowl is stupid. Apparently, the artist got the memo about halfway through the comic since tim has a pretty cool, uniquely shaped domino mask when he's in the Ünternet. This should be his mask in all appearances. Clearly unique to Red Robin, but not the stupid earless cowl.

4. Tim has SOME sort of neurodivergence going on because my man hyperfixates like nobody's business. He literally has a page where he rambles about how something'll catch his attention and he'll get sucked into it and give it his whole focus and be unable to stop thinking about it, to the detriment of his other commitments.

5. Tim somehow manages to have a thriving social life and no social life at all, and the comic agrees with me. He regularly teams up with the Teen Titans and other Gotham Weirdos TM. He's got a civilian ally/life companion in the form of Tam Fox. He has his guy in the chair, Money Spider a.k.a. Anarky a.k.a Lonnie Machin. He's got Prudence Wood and a couple of other folks with questionable morals on his payroll. And of course, he's got Bruce. He even tells Ra's at some point, "I'm not Batman. I have friends." But he also seems to do a really good job at not telling people things and thus being isolated anyway. He doesn't really doesn't share much of his personal stuff with anyone, especially not initially, so they can't really help him with stuff or provide him with the right companionship. This is perhaps most evident in his relationship with Tam Fox, which he effectively destroys by not telling her that her father Lucius isn't actually dead, and Tim just faked it for one of his plans. He didn't even forget, he just deemed not telling her the best course of action. Both he and Batman are concerned about this.

6. Tim has MASSIVE supervillain vibes. Like, Tim would make the BEST supervillain if he hadn't decided to be so heroic. Lemme. Lemme just give you a list.

Tim has a hit list. And those aren't my words. He calls it a hit list. It's mostly supervillains, and he specifically designs his schemes so that one arrest leads directly into the next. But it also has Robin as a contingency plan and a couple of other people who are decidely not bad guys.

He's a schemer. Bruce's whole test for him involves testing how he does at improvising because Tim has a penchant for creating carefully crafted plans like some sort of maniacal supervillain. And they work pretty much every time.

Tim's subconscious mind manifests as The Riddler. Lemme explain. While Tim is in the virtual reality, Ready-Player-One-esque dark net that the supervillains have set up, his attempt to puzzle out what's going on manifests as The Riddler giving him cryptic clues. The Riddler. THE RIDDLER! This is decidedly his own doing, not the Ünternet's.

Tim keeps his morals because he promised Batman, not because he actually has those morals himself. This sounds worse than it is. It's not like he actively wishes to break his moral code, he just comments multiple times in sticky situations that he would do X thing if it wouldn't be so disappointing to Batman and other people. On multiple occassions (see, blowing up the LoA bases), he actually does X thing because he thinks it's more important than approval.

Tim has ambitions to make Gotham the leader of the world. He specifically starts a number of international outreach programs for Wayne Enterprises with making Gotham the World Hub in mind. He has other altruistic reasons, but this is the one he's most focused on. This scheme also inspires Bruce to start Batman Inc., a.k.a. the thing Bruce has been doing since his return from his vacation in the time stream. Tim acknowledges that he's the inspiration and also that Bruce does not consciously know he was inspired by Tim.

He's manipulative and will work with all kinds of people if it serves his goals. This includes unpredictable people like Anarky, dangerous people like Man Bat, and morally questionable people like Lynx and Prudence Wood. His manipulation tactics mostly come in the form of cutting off other people's options until helping him is their best choice and withholding information until sharing it suits him. Batman in the making.

You see what I mean? Kid would make a GREAT criminal mastermind. Definitely got them villain vibes.

7. F*CK YOU NEW 52. The comic ended really abruptly on an ominous note with an unfinished plot because suddenly we had to do a whole reboot of the universe. Because the New 52 SUCKS!

Batgirl Volume 3

1. *ahem* STEPHANIE BROWN IS THE BEST CHARACTER! STEPH STANS UNITE! WE RIDE AT DAWN!

2. No, but seriously. I mentioned in the general section that Stephanie is a total BAMF who also has SO much heart! I think something really unique about her is her ability to be kind to and befriend literally anyone.

She becomes tentative friends with this absolute jerk girl Jordanna who's really mean to Steph because she's possesive of her friends, who all think Steph is cool. Steph doesn't judge, presses on, and manages to get Jordanna to at least accept her, if not be actively kind to her.

It's due to Steph's efforts that Wendy Harris a.k.a. Proxy a.k.a. Oracle in Training really feels accepted in her new hero role.

Steph looked at Damian in the height of his brat era and said, "You know what this kid needs? A bouncy house! Yeah, I'mma teach him how to have fun and be a kid by forcibly taking him to a bouncy castle!"

Batgirl is noted as. . .not as legal as Batman, but she still manages to make her own police force connection.

She's helpful and chill to Klarion the Witch Boy even though, as usual, all their problems in that issue are his fault.

She beats up a dude who's trying to blow up a train, and her ability and tenacity impress him so much that he becomes the Grey Ghost and tries to help her out. She thinks it's annoying and is worried about him (rightfully so, since he gets shot), but she does listen to him.

Steph will look at almost anyone with kindness and without judgement and has an astounding capability to befriend people because of this.

3. Steph is FREAKING HILARIOUS! Steph is probably the chattiest hero, especially when she's fighting bad guys, and it is both so effective and SO funny! She'll just start totally random conversations about WHATEVER while she's busy beating people up, and it makes me cackle every time. She also literally teaches people banter and gives them turns! It's amazing! Like, I'm not sure I'd call her quippy since she's not actually usually insulting people. She's just making casual, friendly conversation at really inappropriate times for it.

4. That's not the only way she's funny, either. Steph also has "inner monologue problems" where she'll say her thoughts out loud. This becomes a running gag to the point that Babs'll continually have to tell her she's using her "outside voice." It's funny and awkward every time! And then there's her habit of paraphrasing stuff that culminates when she tells Wendy the entire batfamily history in chibi doodles with absolutely zero respect. Never fear, Stephanie is here to make you laugh!

5. Steph is a GRADE A BAD-A**! My girl will challenge anyone, get in over her head, make decisions on the fly, and still win! Technically, this is a Batman Road Home Moment, but when Batman pulls his "I'm testing people instead of telling them I'm back" BS on Steph, she b*tch slaps him and then runs away while saying "I'm glad you're not dead." Bruce's only response is Bruce-speak for "I deerved that." When literally all of Gotham turns into mind controlled zombies that are after her, she outruns them by hijacking an equally mind-controlled ManBat, wrangling him until they crash into the airport, and then hitching a ride with Proxy in the T-Jet that they barely know how to fly. This works. Even when she's getting knocked around, Steph is kicking butt, taking names, and refusing to let her frankly awful lot in life get her down.

6. Steph is an improviser. My girl almost never has a plan. She thrives on the chaos. She's far more likely to disobey orders and go in guns blazing and figure it out on the fly than waste time trying to meticulously plan out something that'll probably go wrong anyway. Like, she knows the value of planning and does it every once in a while, but I feel like Steph would win almost any fight where both parties have 0 prep time simply because she's so much better at thinking on the fly and getting herself out of scrapes than anyone else.

7. Steph doesn't follow ANYONE'S orders because she is an independent adult, dammit! At the beginning of the issue, Cassandra Cain runs off to Hong Kong and hands off the Batgirl mantle to Steph. Literally everyone she comes across gives her crap for not being Cass, tells her to stop, and thinks that she shouldn't be doing that job. Everyone from random street level goons to Barbara and Dick. Steph doesn't listen and keeps going until she finally shows off enough determination that Babs gets her head out of her ass. Even after that, Steph'll happily disregard orders from Oracle, Batman, Red Robin, her mom, the cops and anyone else who tries to boss her around if she thinks it'll help. And the best part is, she's right almost every time. Steph has good judgement. She knows when she's right, and she won't let anyone tell her different.

8. I absolutely loved the dynamics between all the members of Team Batgirl. Babs taking Steph under her wing and helping her come into her own as Batgirl is amazing. One of the sweetest moments in the whole thing is when Babs gifts Steph the original Batgirl costume (she'd been using Cass's up until that point). In turn, Steph helps Babs open up and find joy and purpose in her life again, when she'd mostly been running on spite at that point. They also are so in sync with each other that it's hilarious. My favorite example is, in a situation that is getting progressively worse, Babs and Steph have the exact same inner monologue: "Crap. DOUBLE crap." It only gets better when Wendy's around, with Steph and Babs connecting to her issues each in their own way. It's beautiful and really helps Wendy grow as a person and heal her heart.

9. Steph needs to do more team ups with people. Yes, she's fantastic and compelling by herself, but she becomes downright marvelous when she's got someone to bounce off of, and her natural friendliness makes her a good pick for team ups. One of my favorite issues was definitely the one where she hung out with Kara and they beat up vampires together. It was adorable.

10. F*CK YOU NEW 52! WHY DID YOU TAKE THIS FROM ME?! WTF!

Batman: The Road Home

1. I only really read this one for context on what was going on in Batgirl and Red Robin, but I do have a couple thoughts.

2. Alfred and Co. have basically kidnapped Hush a.k.a. Thomas Elliot and are holding him hostage in a penthouse. They force him to do appearances as Bruce Wayne while Bruce is still missing, and he is soooooooo salty about this. This is objectively funny.

3. Vicki Vale is actually a really cool character who deserves better. A bit lacking in the common sense and self-preservation departments, but cool nonetheless. She's pushy and invasive and catty, but she is good at her job and I would be just as irritated as her if I had fallen as far from grace as her.

3. Bruce, you're an a**hole. You wanna tell people you're home instead of putting them through insane tests of skill and character while disguised as some random and possibly malevolent vigilante? They GRIEVED you! Some of them are probably STILL grieving! Give Dick a hug dammit!

4. Ra's, you're a creepy weirdo. Go back to brooding in your vampire box now please!

The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller

1. These books are REALLY FREAKING GOOD. I know, who woulda thought, seeing as how it's one of the most popular and talked about Batman comics ever. But seriously. You should read these. I was reluctant to do so, since a lot of people were like "Oh it's Frank Miller, he's edgy, and his Batman has all the tired edgy Batman tropes." I'm sorry, you don't see him using guns, you don't see him killing anyone, you don't see him being a terrible person. This Batman NEEDS a therapist. Desperately. But he's also still a good person. This is ACTUALLY cool edgy Batman, where his issues are used to create a more compelling narrative, not the "cool" edgy Batman that operates under the "grimdark is cool" principle.

2. I almost cried a couple times! This comic has an overwhelming melancholy feel that I just really enjoyed. Everything and everyone feels tired and sad. Everyone. The best part is that this comic is told primarily from Bruce's perspective and Bruce is SO empathetic and caring, that he feels not only his own melancholy, but everybody else's too, and it's so effective! I think the best example is when Two-Face, recently released from Arkham, goes full relapse and Batman is forced to tie him up and leave him for the cops. He looks at Harvey and just goes "That's a kindred spirit, and I feel for him."

3. The story is told interspersed with TV stations and news radio fighting and bickering and reporting. Nobody is quite sure what to make of the Batman situation, and almost all of them feel negatively about it. The only reporter who actually seems in support of Batman is Lana Lang, and she's also one of the few people who feels RATIONAL during the comic. Like, everybody is reacting very poorly and with panic and contempt towards Batman's return, and it really really isn't helpful. You get this feeling of "it's us against the world," and it really contributes to the vibes.

4. Bruce is an old man. He's technically only 55, but a lifetime of fighting crime, trying (and failing to quit), and becoming dependent on alcohol to keep away the nightmares and the call to dress up as The Rodent of Vengeance will seriously mess up your body. Every time he gets in a fight, he is extremely conscious of how slow he is, how much more he can feel each hit, how much of an advantage all of the youngsters he's fighting have on him. It's to the point that he literally has to plan around his old age and failing body.

5. Alfred is PEAK SASSY in here, and it's beautiful! I actually think this might have the best characterization of Alfred, like, ever. He loves Bruce. That's his kid. Not his master. His kid. He's not gonna leave him alone. But, he also has too much dedication to his role as "butler" to actually stop him from doing anything STUPID, so he resorts to just sassing the man RUTHLESSLY instead. And for all the sass he gives Bruce about being Batman, he's also just as deep into this weird lifestyle. The highlight is definitely Alfred telling Bruce after the first night out that if it's suicide he's after, Alfred has an old family recipe that will be just as slow and excruciating, but less illegal.

6. Commissioner Gordon does not, never has, and never will get paid enough for dealing with this. Commissioner Yindel has no idea what steaming pile of sh*t she's just stepped into, and Gordon tried to warn her. Gordon, even though he continues to not particularly approve, remains one of Batman's staunchest allies through the whole thing. It's actually really heartwarming to see their "brothers in arms" thing they've got going.

7. OHMIGOSH CARRIE KELLEY! That is one AMAZING Robin right there!

Do you know how she becomes Robin? She sees Gordon turn on the batsignal, and she's ✨inspired✨ She saves up two weeks of lunch money, buys a Robin costume, grabs a slingshot and some fireworks, and starts fighting criminals and discreetly following Batman around. Like, that's just some sheer tenacity right there! My girl has moxie! She has grit! She has heart! She's the perfect Robin!

Anytime I do stuff with Carrie Kelley, I will be including the fireworks. Her first act as Robin is to stick a firecracker in a mugger's back pocket. Seriously.

Her first thing she does with Batman is to follow him to a really dangerous fight, find him at the end, drag his unconscious, broken body back to the batmobile, splints his arm with her girl scout training, and get him back to Alfred so he doesn't DIE! Batman, already feeling extremely sad because he misses Dick, decides to train her and take her on.

Poor Carrie! Her parents are awful! Like, they don't remember they have a kid level awful! Being with Bruce might be child endangerment, and he might be a quiet stoic bastard who keeps threatening to fire her, but at least he acknowledges her existence!

Carrie, my darling, my dear, my sweet baby girl, I don't understand HALF the stuff that comes out of your mouth! You and your 80s slang. Sweet mercy.

8. I think this universe had a. . .um. . . Marvel Civil War thing. Like, the whole thing is that Superman works for the government, invisibly, instead of publicly. He has to follow their orders, and he doesn't like it, but it does mean he still gets to save people. Oliver/Green Arrow apparently didn't listen and is rotting in jail (Bruce has to bust him out in the last issue). It's implied to be, along with the death of Jason, the thing that made Batman quit. Now that he's back, the whole government is NOT HAPPY about it. They mostly just try to ignore him with "not my circus, not my monkeys," but, the president does sic Clark on him to try to talk him down. Clark predicts that this'll go badly, but tries anyway. His prediction is correct.

9. Poor Selina! You didn't deserve that. TBH, nobody except Joker deserves what happens to them in this book. It's all just really tragic and sad.

10. Bruce is a deeply unwell man in this comic. Like, he definitely seems at his most emotionally healthy and lucid while he's being Batman, but that kind of obsessive drive clearly isn't good for him, mentally or physically. He's kind of just, purposeless and slipping away before he takes up the cowl, and afterwards, he is so so sad and feels like he's succumbed to his worst impulses. It's a lose lose lose situation for him. Poor dude.

11. F*ck you Joker. 'Nuff said. Stay dead this time please.

12. Batman, you've emotionally adopted Carrie. I know you're actively doing child endangerment and stuff, but you care about this little girl. You can stop referring to her as "good soldier."

13. The shot of Batman on the horse makes me want to write a Wild West AU of Batman, because that was a vibe and a half!

14. Just go read this one, seriously, it's good.

TL;DR

I know I didn't put in a segment on Batgirls, but I wanna finish that one first! It'll probably get it's own post!

Basically, this post boils down to:

Batfam comics are really great. I like reading the comics. At least the outdated ones that I was reading.

Steph is the best, put some respect on her name.

Comic books are funny.

Comics are heartwarming.

Tim has supervillain vibes and sad wet cat vibes at the same time.

The Dark Knight Returns is really sad and really good.

F*CK THE NEW 52!

That's all I've got for you! I still gonna be stewing on these for DAYS, but this at least helped get it out of my system. Now go read some comic books!

[13thdoctorplease]

river and 9th would be such a cool couple like. he wears leather jackets, she has guns, they're both hot and everybody wants to be the third. and I bet he's such a lovely husband he would do everything as she says and be funny and boop her nose and she would laugh hands in his chest and they're always hand in hand, he's so not letting that woman go away for a second

and then with 10th they're like children. they discuss a lot and they're are always in trouble. "what the hell am i still doing with this woman oh wait i simply cannot live my life without her eyes anymore" doctor and "he's so terrible and idiot i hate him but i also want kiss his stupid mouth literally all the time" river. sometimes they even forget they are married but when them remember it it's just so good

12th is just. so soft. so old married couple. he looks at her as if he's never seen anything else before and he always want her close he wants to feel her warmth all the time and his hands never leave her body. shes older and more mature and kisses his cheek at any chances and smiles when he pretends he doesn't like it

then 13th comes is she's just like fresh air. she kisses river as if it is the first time every time and their relationship is so energetic, they run and they kiss and they laugh and they love. they never stop and even river may dare think she's tired, her wife is there to make her feel like she's in her 20s again

and oh 15th. he's so emotional. he says her name in a tone that makes her shiver with excitement and be ready to learn all the things that remain in the universe. they're best friends they're old lovers they're almost one at this point and it never gets old, just renewed and better

other faces will come, other bodies and other tastes and every time, every. freaking. time. river will find herself falling in love again with that person she married. she will learn all the new things the doctor likes, will discover where to touch and when to touch, will scream and fight and make up and sometimes make out if this regeneration feels like it

river song and the doctor were not meant to be apart. they are together for the rest of infinity and probably even more, their love story being the oldest told in the entire creation. all starts and ends with love.

river and the doctor never end.

[the-greek-mythos-project]

The Greek Mythos Project

Hello everybody, my name is Camila and I am the creator of The Greek Mythos Project. My pronouns are They/Them and I can otherwise be found on Tumblr as @ixhkor-and-ambrosxa. Any and all questions can either be directed here or there and I'd be happy to help any of you :).

So... What Is This Project And Blog About? Well, it's about The Greek Mythos Project. The Greek Mythos Project is a new thing I've created here on Tumblr in order to showcase smaller artists waiting to get out there, feel like their audience is too niche, and to ultimately learn more about Greek Mythology. It originally stemmed from a smaller, more personal project where I intended to 'rewrite' all of mythology in order to learn more about it and to generally get back into writing, but as I thought more about the specifics, I realized how time consuming and burnt-out I would be. That thought lead to another and another... and then I was like: what if I release this idea into the world and allow others to participate in it? Then I'd still be able to learn more about all of it, but I could also meet new writers and see more writing styles. So, here we are, with a blog & all.

What Is The Project's Main Goal? The ultimate main goal of this project is to showcase others' work. I myself--as a writer of lesser-known characters--know how hard it is to get that niche audience or even gain the courage to let loose those 'weird' headcanons so I wanted to provide an easy way to get that. I want to know those niche writers and characters and 'weird' headcanons--one of my general hyperfixations is worldbuilding! So, even if nobody else wants to read it, I want to. I want to know, I want to learn, and I want to be. So, the ultimate goal is getting out there, but there are some lesser and more personal goals such as networking, learning to work with wider and more diverse audiences (knowledge, headcanons, and otherwise), and having something bigger than myself to work on so I don't end up spiraling. It lets me know, as someone who struggles with mental health, that there's always going to be something to fall back on, such as this project :).

What Is This Project Exactly? The Greek Mythos Project will hopefully be a long AO3/Wattpad fic made up of the POVs and Stories of various characters in Greek Mythology. The end project will hopefully be arranged in chronological order and include as many stories and versions of the stories as they can. The possibilities and submissions can be endless but the only restriction this project asks for is that it keeps to one POV only. I ask this because this is the vision I am hoping to pursue but there will be a companion-fic set that you can submit to if you want a Multiple POV submission. Each chapter that we post will include your socials, how to find you, how to find your other works, the submission-fic notes, personal notes on the fic, and anything else you or we decide is best to put. Of course, you can opt out of any and all of this and I can just put anonymous <3. This project is essentially a mass Character Study/Introspection, if you'd like it in more simple and fandom-based terms :).

What Are The Project's Requirements? Other than having only one POV... there aren't really any. Of course, there's a level of trust and respect required on both sides once we all start working with each other, but that's just the basics. The word count can be anything, Spicy & More Graphic scenes can be taken once we have a coordinator for that and/or get further into it, and hopefully we'll have editors and beta-ers if you, as a writer, want or require them. If anything, I can help edit and work with you. This is a pretty formless job; it can be writing, it can be art, it can be mood boards, it can be collabs. As long as everything's communicated effectively, nothing should be a problem.

How Do I Submit? Currently, the best way to submit things is through the Ask Box on this page. I'll also be opening up the submissions tab/thing but I have zero experience on my part with it so the safest bet's through the ask box. Same thing with private posts, they don't always work so, when in doubt, go to the ask box :). Feel free, whenever you submit via the ask box, to put a little line at the bottom or top with your information, any notes, etc for me to put in when I eventually post this. Also, please check in on this blog every once in a while in case we need to ask to clarify something <3.

Can I Participate Even Without Socials? Yes, you absolutely can! Our ask box will always have an anonymous option and even if you have something or another and just want this to be separate, feel free to tell us you want to be anonymous! I and those who I may be working with will completely get and respect your privacy! /pos /gen

What Is The Project's Deadline? As of now, there isn't one. This project is supposed to be long term, which means it should still be going five or so years from now (depending on how the world's going at that time, at least) and so there is no deadline going on for the submissions-end. On my end, I plan to start picking it up and publishing around Late-August or July because I hope by that point, we'll have some submissions or at least be working a lot more on this as it picks up and also I know this month is really stressful for a lot of people with final projects, exams, etc and getting ready for Summer so hopefully that'll be a decent amount of time to really get things going.

Can I Help Out? Yes, you absolutely may! I'd love some editors to help back me up on things, beta-ers, Spicy-Scene coordinators (because that's just not my editing cup of tea) and other people that's going to be crucial to bringing this to light. Again, this project is based on community and I love people so feel free to reach out so we can work together to see what's the right fit, aka schedules, genres, etc! I might even create a discord server if we get large enough!

Any Other Comments? Feel free to ask questions. This and my main account are always free to pop in if you'd like, just know that it might take me a while to get back to you... it's a bad habit :(. Also, fandom-based characters and chapters are completely on the table! I personally find it much easier to write in a fandom-based setting so if that's your jam, feel free and make sure to tell us where you're comin' from so we showcase it! At some point, too, I'd love to make a little 'spreadsheet' thing on here to show who's working on who to maybe get people out of their shell or introduce others or maybe even collab on stuff!

Anyway, I think that should all be it :). Feel free to ask questions, interact with us, or even share the #The Greek Mythos Project on other platforms if you'd like or with friends! Also keep up with us on the same tag for updates, questions, or even maybe prompts/challenges if ya'll would like :). See you at some point and have fun!

Edit: Below Are Little Clarification Posts Along With Updates & Stuff That Seem Important <3

The Greek Mythos Project: What We Accept Within Submissions [7/28/24 - Updated Post]

The Greek Mythos Project: The Submission Process

The Greek Mythos Project: Meet Our (Currently Small) Team!

[lailawinchesterr]

part four, hospital visit [jensen ackles]

series masterlist | main masterlist

four, 

Hey, you have a headache?

It was messages like these, full of so much care and thoughtfulness, that made me remember why i ignored the man in the first place. I'm a mess, i get emotional and attached and no one would want to date that. 

No, thank you for last night.

I don't remember much, just that Jensen helped me into my house and into bed, i'm not sure where he went after that, probably the hospital. I called Jack this morning and he told me where they both were, i made sure to tell her that i'll be there and to make sure she was okay.

You took the Cataflam on the nightstand? 

You were really tired.

He doesn't answer my 'thank you', so he doesn't let the conversation end, but i don't want to talk to him, not after last night. I hate being that way with people, especially after i spent years of my life trying not to be that person. Everyone in my life left me when they saw how high maintenance i am, learning from my mistakes only after i make them over and over, it makes me a child in their eyes. The thing is, it does in mine too, because i've been like this since i was 18, and it's put such a heavy strain on me that I felt stuck for years.

I'm fine Jensen, really.

Thanks for the Cataflam.

No problem, call me if you need anything. 

I won't, but if it makes him feel better i heart the message and close the chat, opening jared's.

Need a ride.

On my way.

+

"Rach? Oh my God." I run over to her, hugging her harshly and she winced underneath me, it doesn't faze me as much as it should though because i am just so relived she's fine.

"Lils, i'm so sorry i did this to you, i shouldn't have sprung that onto you i'm so sorry." I can't believe she's in a hospital bed and apologizing for 'springing this on me'. I love this woman.

"Shut up." I hug her again, quickly and tightly, before saying hi to everyone else; Jack, Gen, Alona and Adri. We all just sit there, laughing and helping her keep her mood up when a soft knock comes from the door. I don't look up from my phone to text my mum a quick 'I'm okay' text. 

"Hey, sweetheart." Husky, rough, sugary, thick; pick your poison. Jensen's voice made him Jensen in a way beyond explaining, it made him so Jensen that i wouldn't know what to do if i don't hear his 'good morning' every other day on set. 

Rachel responds to his endearment with a smile and hugs him. When they let go places the flowers he bought her on the nightstand. "Get well soon, darlin'." She nods, corner of her lip tugging into a smile but it hardly reaches far with how much pain she's in so he just stands next to Jared & Jack, on her left, us on her right.

Jensen says a quick 'hey guys' to the girls but then he just stared at me for a few seconds before smiling, and i smile back, then face the floor, leaning on Alona's shoulder and she rubs my back.

A few hours of all of us chearing Rach up, and grabbing food, quickly pass and everyone needs to go home because shooting is still happening tomorrow. They're grateful they even got today off (though the whole team has been understanding of Rachel's situation).

I stand up to wish everybody well with a 'bye' and a hug since i'm staying the night with Jack. When i'm done, Jensen walks over to me expectantly and i just wish everything would go back to how it was three days ago, maybe we could've even gone on our little date. 

"Hey." It sounds like i'm out of breath but he smiles nonetheless and it's infectious in the best way possible.

"Hey, laila." He says, stepping closer before Jared quickly breaks us up by calling out my name.

"What time do you want me to come take you?" I'm about to respond when Jensen shakes his head in Jared's direction, which is enough for him to apparently get the message so he leaves. 

"What was that?"

"I'll come pick you up, whatever time you want. Jared wants to be with gen right now, she needs him." He doesn't mean any harm, in fact he means so well it makes my heart swell, but in my head his tone has an underlying tone as if to say 'you're burdening them so i'm taking the weight a little'.

"You don't need to, i can walk or uber, i'm close anyways." 

"You're twenty minutes away."

"That's close." He shakes his head, insisting on his offer. 

"I'm picking you up, what time?"

"Anytime. Get me on your way back home from set." He nods and i look up to notice his eyes for the first time. Not the first time ever, obviously Jensen's eyes are hard not to notice, but with how often i keep my eyes on the ground around him i don't usually get to see how truly beautiful they are. 

"I'll be here, stay safe, Laila." It shakes me out of my thoughts and i mutter a 'dont worry' before walking away to Rach's bed quickly. 

God, i want this day to end, it's already nine in the evening and i'm ready to call it a day on the chair next to her bed. 

Me and Rachel talk for a while, and then i keep talking more until her eyes close involuntarily and i finally feel myself relax into a deep sleep too.

+

"Laila?" Jensen's hurried voice wakes me up with a gasp, scanning my surroundings so fast it almost gives me whiplash, and it actually does give me a migraine.

I groan, hands over my eyes, rubbing them while he hands me a glass of water from the small desk next to me. "Here, it's past two." 

Oh my God.

"Jensen, you're joking! I'm so sorry i totally lost track of time, i've just been so tired—"

"Hey, it's fine," he smiles, his hand reaches my face to stroke away some flyaway strands of hair. "You're good, just get ready so you can sleep in an actual bed." I let out a small laugh and nod, moving to the bathroom after kissing rachel's head on my way there.

I get home in one piece, and with little to no damage to my reputation with Jensen. I ask him how set was, how filming been. He asks me what I did yesterday. And just as i'm about to thank him again for the umpteenth time before leaving, he locks his car doors. I furrow my eyebrows and look up at him.

"Tell me what's wrong."

He lowers the radio down till it's barely audible as i let out a confused, "What?" 

"Tell me why you've been acting like this for however long we've known each other. You're okay with everyone else, then i come into a room and suddenly you have to get to work or make breakfast or paint your car. I need to know what's making you act like this." He says it with such frustration and it makes me feel guilty for all the things i've done to him but can't undo, or worst yet, i wouldn't. 

It digs up too many memories. It isn't like i'm in love with jensen, i just like him a little too much and i don't have experience with that, in fact, i've never dated a guy, so my small crush turned into a small overreaction. Besides, before I can to America all I could hear, every single day was how 'obsessive' or 'high maintenance' I am, it stuck with me for as long as I remember, I've tried to never get attached to people. I'm still trying.

"Nothing, seriously. I was just stupid the first day we met." I decide telling half the truth, "i thought you were attractive so i kind of got embarrassed and made it seem like I'm just shy or something. Couldn't go back and make you think i was stupid." 

"But making me think you hate me was better? If you're embarrassed, you laugh it off, you don't ignore the person for years. Besides, you thought i was hot? Laila, you're fucking gorgeous, but i don't run away from you." i shouldn't be smiling as much as i am right now, or blushing, but i can't help it, he's just been really honest in a way that kind of makes me feel more embarrassed. But the good kind, if there's even such a thing. it takes a bit of the guilt too, to know i wasn't the only one with those thoughts. Especially since he was with Danneel at the time. 

I think this the most me and Jensen have ever talked in one sitting.

"Okay... i'm sorry. I just, they're habits you know? And i didn't know what to do, i'm sorry. New beginnings?" He nods with a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"New beginnings. I'd like for us to hang out eventually, without Jared's help this time." I laugh and make it a point to be as genuine as i can seem about making plans.

+

I talked to Jensen. We're going out next week.

Laila!!!!!

That's amazing

Fucking finally

Shut up i'm happy we talked

I'm sure i'll be okay, right?

Yes Lils you'll be great

And you'll be sure you tell me all about it

Really?

There's no doubt that Jared is the biggest hearted person i've ever met, but more than that, he's busy and almost always emotionally unavailable unless it's gen, which is why i opt for Rachel with these things, i can talk for days and she'd never get tired. And I don't mind that Jared doesn't like me talking too much about my feelings, I know it overwhelms him too.

Yeah, of course

Gen wants to know too!

I laugh, hearting the message and closing my phone. I think it's time to get some work done.

i've always found it hard to balance both my outside life and school life but ever since i've been friends with Jared i've hardly had problems with it, they're usually too busy to hang out because of their crazy schedules and i'm too scared to ask anyways so it works out in my favor. 

Besides, i've gotten to see them a little more as of recently since i've been doing modeling. An agency took me in a year ago but when the contract ended 6 months later they dropped me so i've been trying to find another job to help with money, not that my parents don't send any, but i'd like to be prepared. 

It doesn't take long for me to miss Rach while i try to finish the cardiovascular system module. What happened to my best friend, someone i love more that anything... It's scary. I don't want to think of what could possibly happen if it had went further.

Yeah, I'm not getting work done. I decide to go to make food instead.

part five

I wrote like 4 more chapters I think i don’t know where I’m getting ideas but thank god for it, anyways! Reblog and comment if you liked this chapter & thank you for reading💗

tags: @kr804573

[astrronomemes]

LIFEHOUSE: NO NAME FACE STARTERS (PART I)

a collection of lyrics from the Lifehouse album, No Name Face. requested by @judgementdaysunshine. change & alter as needed.

"I'm falling even more in love with you."

"I'm standing here until you make me move."

"I'm hanging by a moment here with you."

"I'm running, and not quite sure where to go."

"I don't know what I'm diving into."

"There's nothing else to lose."

"There's nothing in the world that can change my mind."

"If shame had a face, I think it would look kind of like mine."

"Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this?"

"Here we go now. One more time."

"I tried to earn my way."

"You'd better believe that I tried to beat this."

"When will this end?"

"I never thought I'd end up here. I never thought I'd be standing where I am."

"I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this."

"I guess I was wrong."

"This is a sick cycle."

"Don't let me second-guess what I know to be real."

"Maybe I just might learn to let it go."

"Maybe, finally, I won't have to know everything."

"Faith makes everybody scared."

"I cannot pretend that everything makes sense."

"I do not know how to figure this thing out."

"I remind myself of somebody else."

"I've got somebody else's thoughts in my head. I want some of my own."

"Am I hiding behind my doubts? Are they hiding behind me?"

"Let down your hair. Be transparent for a while."

"Honesty is a hard attribute to find."

"We all want to seem like we've got it all figured out."

"I don't have all the answers. And I ain't gonna pretend that I do."

"Well, I haven't got it all figured out quite yet."

"She's got a pretty smile. It covers up the poison that she hides."

"The burden you gave me is too much to carry."

"I guess you're the only one left standing."

"You're still the only one who hasn't changed faces."

"Just because it's all in your head doesn't mean it has to be in mine."

"The weak will seek the weaker until they've broken them."

"You lost yourself in your search to find something else to hide behind."

"You can't be weak. You can't stand still."

"Watch your back, because no one will."

"Don't believe the lies that they've told to you. Not one word was true."

"You found me. Somehow, I always knew that you would."

"You know I would if I knew how."

[snow-143]

Water Coloured Tears | Jeon Jungkook

one- pilot (1.7k words)

Jeon Jungkook. The man that everybody wants, the man that knows this and loves the attention. On campus everybody knows him as Kook. However, I know him as Kookie, or I suppose my Kookie if were being critical. 

He's never told anyone this and neither have I. A well kept secret that only we know here. Of course when I go back home for holidays everybody asks about him, how he's getting on and if were still close. 

The truth is we haven't spoke since the last day of high school, but I keep up the act, answering their prying questions with a soft smile on my face. He's doing good, I usually answer. I'm not lying, from what I can tell he is doing good, amazing even if you look at it from the college dream perspective. 

No one ever asks how I'm doing, they're just curious about the towns golden boy who disappeared the second school was out. Never returning during any breaks from college life. He simply just up and left. Not even savings a second to say goodbye to anyone, except for me. 

I cant tell if this was worse or better, it kind of gave me a false sense of hope, he said goodbye to me and no one else, surely that means something. It didn't. 

In a way I'm kind of glad that they're only curious about him, you see when they ask how he is I don't have to lie, it may not be a full truth but its not a lie. If they asked how I am though, the smile would be far too forced, a toothy one that I am all too conscious of. 

The first time I was returning home I had over thought my replies far too much, only to realise no one cared anyway. I was always Jeons best friend, the hopeless girl who would follow him around with hearts in her eyes, much like a lost puppy. Never my own person, never anyone to be concerned about. Even my mother loved Jeon more. He was the son she never had. The golden child she had always wanted. 

I suspect that she knows I don't talk to him anymore, the depression I fell into after he left was far too telling. Yet she still asks about him, still insists on me taking extra food back to college with me in case he isn't eating properly. She always packs all of his favourite foods, never mine. Never anything I ask for. 

It was a shock to  me when I realised he went to the same school as me. I was overjoyed. Thinking that it must have been fate, destiny had brought us back together. 

That hope died along with my lingering feelings for him when we bumped into each other and he acted like I didn't exist. Just some random girl on campus who couldn't watch where she was going. 

I still remember the pain in my chest when he scowled at me, I could distantly hear some girls snickering at my audacity to bump into 'the Jeon Jungkook'. But it was all muted out by the sound of his heavy footsteps walking away from me. Walking right into the arms of the prettiest girl I have ever seen. 

Her name is Jennie. I've come to learn that she's not only gorgeous but also smart and the sweetest person you'll ever meet. She's honestly perfect. God. I'd date her if I could. But she's only got eyes for Jungkook. 

If I'm being honest, and get over the childish resentment I have towards the idea they'd be the perfect couple. The thing with Jungkook is that he never dates. Not even someone like Jennie. 

He's completely open about this, letting every girl he starts something with know that it wont go any further than a friends with benefits situation, they always think they'll be the one to change him though. 

He cant really be blamed when they get their hearts broken, he was upfront from the beginning, they just refused to listen. I wouldn't say they can be to blame either though, everybody I've ever known has loved Jungkook, its almost impossible not to. I suppose I know this better than anyone. A living and breathing example that you cant be close to him without falling for him. 

But now here I am, resenting everything to do with him. I wasn't upset at him for leaving, I understood that, but everyday of summer that I didn't hear from him buried me deeper into my hurt and anger.

He still had a phone, it didn't have to be the end of our friendship. Seeing him again just cemented this. He was so cold to me, I suppose I get it. He has a new life now, new friends. I guess I'm so hurt because he was all I had and it turns out I was nothing to him. 

I had learned to be content with this. Keeping everything and everyone that has anything to do with him far, far away from me. It was a difficult task but a one I felt I had to do for my own sanity. Yet it was all in vain. All the friends I could've had, all the parties I could've attended, all lost for nothing. 

Because now here I'm sat in my stupid art class next to no one other than Jeon Jungkook. How cliché, being paired up with you childhood best friend who you were madly in love with. 

We've been assigned to take candid picture of our partners and make 5 pieces out of them. all with different emotions in mind and all in different mediums. We've been allowed free rein on this project. However, we will be deducted points if our professor doesn't think our pictures are spontaneous enough or don't show enough emotion. She also is expecting all our pieces to match up with the others, so in total  she wants 10 pieces that represent both of our styles but can also all go together as one project. She's given us all a polaroid camera each, its honestly all so perfect. 

This would usually be my wet dream. I'm allowed to do whatever I like on 5 completely separate projects. But the brooding presence beside me is damping the whole experience for me.  

I'm quite surprised when she tells us this will be our last project of the year, giving us 5 months to complete it. She informs us that it will be 60% of our final grade and she wants us to go big for all 5 of the pieces. 

I can tell other people are stressed by this from all of the muttering around the room but I honestly couldn't think of anything better. 5 months to express myself through my art anyway that I like. I can already feel the ideas rushing to me. 

From an artist perspective I can kind of see me being paired with Jungkook as a blessing. If I have to channel all my emotions into my art I can't think of a better person to do it through. However, as the petty person I am I couldn't be more annoyed. I can tell he's pissed off too, he still has the same habits, I could read his body language with my eyes closed. 

It kind of hurt, I cant lie, I know why I'm upset but is it really so bad for him to be paired up with me? Is he scared I'll ruin the pretty little reputation he's maintained here. It's honestly baffling how much one person can change. He never care what people thought of us before but now he cant even bare being paired up with me. He used to beg our teachers to put us together at school. 

He finally looks at me, a scowl evident on his face, I don't want to be paired up with you either, dickhead. 'I'll ask if there's anyway we can swap.' 

It's strange, the way my heart hurts at this, much like when he first left, or when he ignored me. It's silly, I didn't want to be paired up with him either. 'whatever.'

I'm already packing my things up to leave the class room when our professor starts talking again. 'Oh and one last thing, under no circumstances are you allowed to switch partners. I want this project to be as authentic as possible, I chose people you aren't friends with on purpose, I want you to learn about each other and to show that in your art. I want it to tell a story.'

It's like she's staring directly at me and Jungkook, 'For fuck sake.' Is all I hear him say before I leave the classroom. 

'Hey, wait up.' Jeon grabs my arm, forcing me to face him. I haven't looked him in the eyes since I first bumped into him. The temptation to walk away from him just like he did to me is immensely strong. 'We should at least exchange numbers for the project.' 

He sounds far to annoyed to my ears and it ticks me off even more. 'You're such a cunt.' Ripping my arm away from him I go to make my exit again. Call me dramatic but this is the first time we've talked since he left and I cant help but be a little bit pissy with him. God, he even deleted my number. 

'What the fuck is that meant to mean.' Oh, he's seething . Good. 

'Are you serious right now?' 

'No.' he deadpans. god this boy infuriates me. 'Of course, I'm serious. What is your problem.'

'You're my problem. You and your stupid better than thou act.' It comes out as a laugh. An angry one. 

'Look, I don't know why you're so mad at me, but you're going to have to get over it if were going to pass this class.' It's a reasonable point ill give him that. But really, he doesn’t know why i’m mad at him? That HAS to be a joke.

Sighing I decide to compromise, 'Just message me on Instagram, or did you delete that too?' It's petty I know, but I had to get it out.

'I'll message you later.' Completely ignoring my childish remark, he begins walking in the opposite direction. Being the one who gets to walk away yet again.

prev | m.list | next

—————

a/n: and it begins 🤭

[fullstcp]

"5SOS5" by Five Seconds of Summer Sentence Starters

COMPLETE MESS

"I've never been a saint, have I?"

"I'm never one to change, am I?"

"I'm missing out on half my life."

"You make me complete."

"You make me a complete mess."

"You'll never get to say goodbye."

"I learned my lesson when I felt you slip away."

EASY FOR YOU TO SAY

"I'm headstrong and stubborn and stuck in my ways."

"I know that you saw it all over my face."

"I'll try and change my ways."

BAD OMENS

"So this is where we are."

"I should've seen it coming."

"Every time we say goodbye, I say hello again."

"I died when you left that night."

"You love somebody else."

"I tried to stop the door as it was closing."

"It's nothing that I don't already know."

"I should've known right then and there you were a runaway."

"We go 'round again, we jump back in bed."

ME, MYSELF & I

"I guess I got what I wanted."

"I never knew what I needed."

"Up to me to fuck it up without a good reason."

"I know that it was my own fault."

"I never picked up that phone call."

"I did not need your help."

TAKE MY HAND

"I feel my ego when I talk."

"Take my hand, now and forever."

"How can you live and let die?"

"Take my hand and don't you ever let go."

"I treat my mind like an ashtray."

"I owe you an apology."

"I'm running out of time."

CAROUSEL

"How you gonna get there?"

"Everybody's livin' on a one-way ride."

"My life's just a carousel spinning around."

OLDER

"I don't wanna get older without your head on my shoulder."

"You kiss away the pain."

"Our love is tailor-made."

"Your wicked smile, it says it all."

HAZE

"If I'm with you, I'll never die."

"When I open my eyes I hope to see your face."

"It's a hell of a ride; loving you."

"I'm not myself when you're not there."

YOU DON'T GO TO PARTIES

"You don't go to parties anymore."

"You made me a heartless monster."

BLENDER

"Is it lonely where you are?"

"I'd die for you."

"We just can't keep away."

CARAMEL

"I need a way out."

"You only break when you take the bend too far."

"I think it's true love."

"It's been a while since you and I been where we started."

"I don't wanna let it fade away."

"It used to be easy."

"Now you can't even look me in the eye."

BEST FRIENDS

"Take me as I am and I will take you as you are."

"You call me on my shit and my jaw is on the floor."

"I'd love to have somebody never filter what they say."

"I live for that look on your face."

"I got the best friends in this place."

"I love to love you."

"It's time to love somebody who won't try to change your way."

BLEACH

"I wanna occupy your brain."

"Can I make up for lost time?"

RED LINE

"How many times did we run from each other?"

"We're no good for each other."

"I'm not welcome no more."

MOODSWINGS

"I hope you don't mind that I ruined our time."

"You don't ever trust this mind of mine."

"Without you I don't even know myself."

"I think I need you more than you need me."

"It kills me when I try to push you away."

FLATLINE

"I was someone you don't even know."

"I'm falling for the first time."

"You're like staring at the sunshine."

"I wanna see you every day."

EMOTIONS

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"You always got one, two, three, four, five more things to say."

"If you need me, I'll be here with my emotions."

"I'm just needing a little space."

"I don't wanna fight about it."

"I'm doing my best and I guess that's the best I can do."

BLOODHOUND

"I love my name inside your voice."

"Do you still feel it all?"

"I can't let it go."

"You can't let 'em see it all."

"I'm picking up the vibes all around."

TEARS!

"I just wanna feel alive."

"No one's feeling what I'm feeling."

"Are you seeing what I'm seeing?"

[tathrin]

Back at you with the asks! You write Gimli and Legolas as distinctively representative of their own peoples, and clearly you have some pretty strong headcanons about dwarves and elves, as kindreds. What counts as "smart" and "capable" for each, and how much would your Gimli and Legolas be considered smart and capable by their respective cultures? What might each of their peoples think of Gimli's and Legolas' particular strengths? What might their relative weaknesses be, in their own contexts? How much do you consciously or unconsciously write them to balance each other's weaknesses, within or across cultures?

Ohhhhh boy wow this is an extremely delightful and, frankly, flattering question and I feel like you are maybe giving me more credit for Thinking Things Through than I have actually earned or deserve, but I am going to try to answer it in full the way such a fantastic query deserves as best I can anyway!

(the not-so-secret secret is that I write a lot more by instinct/seat-of-my-pants than I probably should shhhhhh.)

Legolas and the Wood-elves: he's everybody's little brother. He's one of (if not the) youngest elves in Mirkwood, one of the very last to be born before the Shadow (which was already creeping over the forest when he was born, although only a little bit; not enough that they had to really acknowledge it yet, even if they had sort of noticed its first unwelcome tendrils) grew so dark that they stopped risking birthing new children into their woods.

So Mirkwood (Greenwood still, then; Greenwood for a long, long time before they finally resigned themselves to the truth of the name everyone else had given them a long time ago) has always, in my head, been a very we'll be happy to spite you on purpose sort of place. Their forest is awash in darkness, so they will be joyful as a weapon against the dark. They're happy on purpose. Their merriment is a weapon. And they raised their children to be happy, dammit. Not naive, not vulnerable; they couldn't afford that. They raised them to know the dangers of their forest, and to know how to protect themselves against it, yes; but also to do so without ever giving up on joy and laughter. Which was a weapon, yes, but it was also very important to them that their children would still grow-up happy. That no matter how dark Mirkwood got, the children would never stop laughing.

Which was great, and I think informs Legolas's attitude and consistent cheerfulness during the Quest very much (of course it does, since it's being worked backwards from the canonical fact of said attitude, as an explanation for it lol)...but also, as a sort of unintended side-effect, the elves of Mirkwood didn't really want to see their youngest generation grow up, not entirely. Elves clearly have to be able to adapt to seeing someone they knew as a baby as a whole-ass adult, because they live forever (unless you kill them) so there's no just aging-out and letting the new generation eventually take over; the new generation lives alongside all the old ones too. So they'd have to have become adept at this shift in perspective, culturally.

However. The last generation of children born in Greenwood before it became Mirkwood is a special case, because their youth was such a source of joy to everyone else that they just sort of...never entirely stopped thinking of them as kids. (The fact that there hasn't yet been a generation of kids to follow them contributes to this too, of course; they're seen as The Youngsters because they still are the youngest.)

So on one hand, yes everyone has learned to respect the skills and fighting prowess of "the youngsters" because this is Mirkwood, and you aren't going to have many elves who don't go out and fight because practically everything in the forest wants to kill you a little bit. And Mirkwood values things like swift reflexes and sharp eyes and good aim, because that's how you stay alive; they value being able to judge the difference between a shadow and A Shadow at a glance because if you guess wrong "dying" is sort of the best-case result. They value loyalty and determination and the ability to be joyful even in the face of defeat and despair. And Legolas has all of those traits and skills, for sure.

In fact I think Legolas is one of their best archers (in a scene I can't remember whether I've published yet or not, his sister muses on how it might be because his spirits are so bright that his vision is yet unclouded by the Shadow that hangs heavy on the rest of them) and he's definitely trusted to, like, Walk Into The Murderforest And Come Back Alive, sure. They trust him in a fight! He's a competent adult and a skilled archer! But he's also still a kid to their eyes, in a lot of ways, even though he isn't and they know he isn't...but he still feels like one.

So it's not like they're condescending or cruel or anything, but they do I think look at him and instinctively think "oh no baby, must take care of" on some level. So: is he seen as smart and capable? Yes, for sure. But also: "omg Elrond did you really send A CHILD to MORDOR?" Elrond: he's six-hundred years old wtf. Mirkwood: "yes, a six-hundred-year-old BABY!" Elrond: .....wtf tho. So, again, it's not like his opinions or suggestions would be dismissed or ignored...but there's always going to be a bit of a protective urge there (because the elves of Mirkwood worked so hard to protect their last generation of children, and it's a hard habit to break even though they aren't children anymore) and a kind of eternal-head-pat vibe.

Also he is sheltered. (Or was, before the Quest. I expect Elrond was smart enough to try and avoid Thranduil as much as possible before he got on that boat to Aman.) I go back and forth on whether or not Rílaerloth was involved in the Battle of Five Armies, but Legolas was absolutely not brought along when Thranduil marched a bunch of their forces off to potential-war-with-the-dwarves. It's one thing to let your kids go out and shoot spiders and possibly risk a glancing encounter with a Nazgûl ("and what do we do if we see one of the Lords of Dol Guldur? That's right we run the fuck away, thank you children") and another thing altogether to bring them purposefully to something that might become a war.

Especially for the elves of Mirkwood, who lost so much in the War of the Last Alliance. None of the folks who lived through that would be keen to bring any of the "youngsters" into a full-fledged war I don't think, even a comparatively little one that they were all expecting would end up being nothing more than some Posturing With Weapons in the end. (If Thranduil had known that it was going to be an actual war he wouldn't have brought Rílaerloth, either, even if he'd have had to have Eregmegil sit on her to stop her.)

*You'll note that I haven't mentioned anything about lore or wisdom or any of the more traditional Elvish Talents here, just fighting and survival; this is tied to the whole more dangerous, less wise aspect of Mirkwood. They certainly do value wisdom and lore still, and it's not like Legolas is ignorant or an idiot; but there's a reason he forgets the words to old songs halfway through, and Aragorn doesn't. In Mirkwood they're more focused on "this is how you kill a spider before it can eat you" and "how to recognize a web that's fresh enough to be sticky versus one that's old enough to be safe to touch" and "when you feel a creeping darkness like this brushing against your soul, run like fuck" than on the things you learn in Rivendell.

In the evenings they don't gather in their peaceful Hall of Fire and exchange poetry compositions, they get drunk and dance around the fire and sing as loud as they can to scare the shadows away. They're more practical in the sort of lore they value because they have to be. They don't have a magic Ring to protect their borders; in fact, they literally have Ringwraiths and Dark Lords squatting in their own damn forest far too much of the time. Also, honestly, a lot of that lore is the history of other people anyway.

The elves of Mirkwood stayed in their forest because they wanted to; the ones who fled from Doriath and joined them there came precisely because they wanted a "simpler and more natural" elvish way of life. They weren't really involved in a lot of the Elvish Drama going on outside their woods (and when the stakes got high enough that they did get involved, three-quarters of their army died so. yeah. that's not really going to inspire them to go out and socialize more, is it?) most of the time. So if maybe Legolas can't remember the difference between Andreth and Adanel...does it matter, in Mirkwood?

(No, no it doesn't.)

Gimli and the Dwarves: I have a lot fewer Concrete Headcanons and Societal World Building done for the Lonely Mountain than I do for Mirkwood, so this is going to be very much a briefer response, I'm afraid. But I think Gimli was likely equal parts respected and overlooked by his people, because he is a very talented and erudite dwarf of a very fine line of dwarves, so on one hand everybody definitely would respect him and his capabilities...but on the other, I think they do take him for granted a little bit, because of course he would be good at x and y and also z, because he is Gimli son of Glóin of the House of Durin! And he's certainly talented—but also hasn't really done anything of great significance before the Quest, due mainly to the fact that there simply wasn't anything significant to do. So: respected, yes. But not always acknowledged, in a way.

Not given the "he's a kid!" treatment like Legolas is, but just having his competence and skill taken for granted much more often than it gets remarked upon. People expect Gimli son of Glóin of the House of Durin to be awesome (and he is!). Mind you, over-achiever that he is, he goes out and gets himself sent on this massively important Quest and then proves to be so much more awesome than anyone was prepared for...but it's not until he gets back, and the full accounting of his deeds and accolades and honors is recounted, that anyone in the Lonely Mountain really stops to go oh huh.

And I think even then, they probably still continue to take his prowess for granted a little bit, simply because they're so used to him being that way—and so used to expecting him to excel at whatever it is he's asked to do. I think the full breadth of his brilliance probably won't be properly realized and appreciated until some years later, when he's Lord of Aglarond and there's a bit more distance there, and more younger dwarves who grew-up on the stories of Gimli more than just "yeah that's Glóin's kid, he's good hand at [insert-skill-here]" running around to be in proper awe of Gimli of the Nine Walkers, Gimli Lockbearer, Gimli Elf-Friend, Gimli Lord of the Glittering Caves, Gimli Silvertongue, Gimli Friend of Kings...etc etc etc.

I think the older dwarves might actually end up a little blindsided by it, in a way, when it does sort of click in their heads.

Weaknesses & Balance: Legolas has a tendency to run-off half-cocked without thinking things through, trusting his instinct and skill to get him out of whatever he might end up running into (part of this is because of the aforementioned sheltering: yes Mirkwood is a dangerous place, but he's never really been anywhere but Mirkwood before, and the dangers of Mirkwood are dangers that he knows how to deal with so he doesn't need to worry that he's going to end up in over-his-head there). He's also definitely the short-tempered one of the pair (hello, Éomer!) although he's also the more easy-going in a lot of ways simply because there aren't a lot of things that do make his temper spike.

Gimli by contrast is more of a craftsman in his approach to the world, although not so much as to hesitate when faced with a need to act (for instance: "dwarves can't shape stone with our fingernails, but I'll come figure it out anyway!") but that's countered somewhat by his extremely overpowering sense of loyalty: if his idiot friends run into a bad situation, you can bet that Gimli will be right on their heels even if he ought to know better. He's more self-effacing, too, which can be both a good thing and a bad thing, although in his case it's mostly the former. Conversely, he's very prideful, too, although he's such a gentleman about it that you don't really notice ("I would take offense at x, if you weren't too ignorant to know better!" etc) because it's not a rude sort of arrogance; just a supreme, contended confidence both in himself and in his people.

I think Gimli wears his heart on his sleeve a lot more, although Legolas is the one who's more directly open about his own thoughts and feelings whereas Gimli is more inclined to keep things to himself. (Gimli thinks; Legolas blurts.)

Gimli certainly does share his feelings ("what about your companions! what about Legolas and me!"), sometimes trying to cover them with gruffness (see: "I was upset to think you might be dead when I found you underneath that troll, only because I'd gone to so much effort to keep you alive, you see! I definitely wasn't running around the battlefield frantically searching for you out of pure friendship and love, nope!" and "say not so! I'd be bummed if all the elves left because elves are kind of cool you know?") and sometimes dropping some full-on poetry at us (see: "I have looked the last upon that which is fairest!" as well as literally every single word about Aglarond lol) but it tends to pop out in half-involuntary bursts where he just gets so overwhelmed by how much he cares that he can't help himself.

Whereas Legolas is just like "oh yeah let me tell you about the Sea-Longing that's eating my soul from the inside out, nbd" or "sorry, can't translate these songs for you because I Am Sad." He may not walk around actively volunteering his thoughts or opinions unprompted often, but he doesn't seem to make any efforts to maintain a pretense or keep whatever he's feeling private either, when the topic comes up. He'll just walk around Singing What He Feels for the whole world to hear, why not?

And on the aforementioned topics of poetic phrasing and Not Having A Filter, Legolas is definitely The Awkward One when it comes to conversation and diplomacy. Gimli Silvertongue knows how to craft a clever phrase, thank you very much! He is eloquent and gracious and even-tempered and Legolas...well, we're all probably lucky if he's remembered to speak in Westron rather than his own weird forest dialect of Sindarin, tbh. When one of them needs to do the talking for them both, it's almost always going to be Gimli. Legolas is the guy you get when you need to shoot-down a flying Nazgûl; Gimli is the one you call when there's a delicate diplomatic situation to be discussed.

Legolas is also definitely the more easily distracted, and I think Gimli teases him about that a lot—although that's also a bit of a cover, because Gimli knows that Legolas's senses are so much sharper than his. Said distractability is in part a result of the natural flightiness of Wood-elves and in part the result of having those keen senses: he notices more things, so of course he's more likely to be distracted by them. Having said sharp senses also means Legolas can more safely afford to allow himself to be distracted, because he doesn't have to actually pay attention to notice an approaching danger the way Gimli does. (And yes, Gimli gets grumpy about that sometimes, but this is part of that "cover feelings through gruffness" thing: he doesn't want to admit that he worries that Legolas will get himself into trouble by not paying enough attention, and he definitely doesn't want to admit that dwarven senses can't keep up.)

In fact, I think post-Quest one of Gimli's biggest weaknesses is his concern that a mortal dwarf can't keep up with an elf. I think he worries about it a lot more than is merited by reality, actually, and I think that's informed in large part by his knowledge of his own mortality and how much it will eventually hurt Legolas to lose him. He cannot help but dwell on all the things a dwarf can't do that an elf can, because he's so preoccupied by the one big one: an elf can stay, while a dwarf eventually has* to leave...has to die. So while it doesn't exactly shake his sense of confidence in himself, it has him paying a lot more attention to what he can't do than what he can. He doesn't forget his strength or skills; he just ends up weighing them less than they deserve when balanced against what elves can do instead.

*he doesn't, as it turns out! but he doesn't know that yet.

(As much as he comes to dread Gimli's death, none of the rest of that has ever occurred to Legolas. If anyone asked Legolas if he ever got "tired" of being "held-back" by the "limitations of a dwarf" you'd get a very confused look in return and an apologetic explanation about how Different Types Of People Have Different Strengths, Silly...or, depending on how rudely you phrased the question, a very quick and probably painful lesson on what more dangerous and less wise can mean. Legolas doesn't really understand mortal limits—see: "are you sure you don't want to just keep running all night? why not?" and of course the infamous "gee why don't y'all just walk ON the snow? what, like it's hard?" incident—but when somebody says "No Legolas, that's Not Physically Possible" he rolls with it, even being able to later point-out to marchwardens who don't know Mortal Limits as well as he (now) does that his friends need more than a single rope to run on, pls!)

Legolas is right, though, because their different strengths really do balance one another well: Gimli is the solid, thoughtful, reliable rock who makes for both an unwavering foundation on which to build and an eloquent shield upon which the waves of the world will break and leave them both unscathed behind his kind and dauntless walls. Legolas is the swift, sharp knifeblade that darts out mercilessly from the shadows to dispatch a threat and then turns around and returns just as fleetly with armfuls of unquenched joy and laughter to brighten even the blackest, deepest night without any caution or hesitation. Legolas reminds Gimli of how much he delights in curiosity and exploration; Gimli reminds Legolas of the joy and comfort of coming home after wandering afar.

Of course they had to go to Aman together. Gimli could never have resisted following Legolas somewhere so interesting, and Legolas would never have managed such a portentous journey without Gimli there to steady him along the path.

[lilyrizzy]

Prompt: you can try to go home, but it will never feel the same

anon i know you probably wanted some daniel returning to redbull angst with this one, but i am nothing if not diaspointing lol, so have a self absorbed 'in that iron ground' sequal i wrote instead.

cw: parental death, angst, speculation on what it means to be the 'biological' parent or not of a child

“Here you are.”

 Max’s voice comes from behind him, but Daniel doesn’t turn from where he’s watching the gentle rise and fall of their daughter’s chest, the way the colourful lights from the mobile dance across her face in the darkened room.

“I’ve read they decided those types are bad for babies now,” Michelle had told him earlier, in that critical, been there, done that parent way, with just a healthy dose of big sister smugness thrown in, as she’d watched him attach it to the crib. It’s so old. Daniel wonders if it wasn’t the same one he slept in.

 Like father, like daughter.

 “I thought you had got lost on your way from the bathroom.”

 Daniel still doesn’t look up, but he hears the telltale ‘click,’ of Max switching off the baby monitor. Daniel has joked, more than once, about how Max had it surgically attached to his hip 6 months ago, when she first came into their world. Red-faced, and kicking, and the best decision they ever made.

 He comes to stand beside Daniel.

 Everybody else is downstairs. It’s past ten but even the kids are still up. Izzy is ‘waiting for Santa,’ and Isaac is shooting Daniel eye-rolls over her head, as though to prove he’s a grown-up because now he knows the truth. Max has been quizzing Michelle endlessly on the pro’s and con’s of different milk warming systems, and his mum has been sat listening with her new boyfriend—Tim’s—hand on her knee, and Daniel just-

 He just needed a minute.

 “Sorry,” he murmurs, not wanting to disturb Emilia, though anyone would know she was Max’s daughter by her ability to sleep through an earthquake alone, “I just-“

 “Wanted a moment?” Max supplies, because of course he knows when it comes to his family.

Daniel nods. Emilia makes a little noise, a groan, like she’s thinking about protesting their loving stares, but it’s gone as quickly as it came.

“It’s weird,” Daniel eventually gets out. “Coming home, and there’s another man sitting with my mum on the couch.”

But it’s not even about that, not really. Tim is nice, he makes his mum laugh and Michelle tells him regularly over the phone, “she’s really happy, Daniel. It’s the first time I’ve seen her smile so much since dad.” He shakes Daniel’s hand and asks him about his new job with the Redbull junior team, and when his mum sent Emilia her first party dress in the post, she had signed his name right next to ‘grandma’ on the card.

Besides, if Daniel ever- He’d want Max to find somebody else too. Even if the idea of it makes Daniel sick to his stomach, makes him want to do something crazy like tattoo his name onto Max’s chest, the thought of him being alone forever is worse.

Max’s hand comes to cup the back of his neck, to rub his thumb over the muscle that he knows aches more these days than it used to.

“When my mum got her first boyfriend, I did not like it also,” he admits, though it doesn’t sound like a feeling he is shying away from. “I know it is not the same, but I think always it is strange to see your mum with somebody else."

It is, but maybe what’s stranger is the way it took Daniel getting to the ranch for him to realise that his dad wouldn’t be here for his daughter’s first Christmas. He’d spent the first evening looking helplessly around the dinner table at everybodys faces, foolishly stunned to learn that the sudden life of her couldn’t raise his father from the ground.

“Sometimes I still have to remember,” he admits, because it suddenly feels too shameful to keep a secret. “That he’s- That my dad is dead.”

He forces the words past his teeth, eyes fixed on the slight purse of Emilia’s lips. It’s something he’s been practicing with his therapist; not shying away from saying the truth. You’d think that after five years it would feel like that, but Daniel still finds there are days when his fingers twitch to call the contact he still can’t bear to delete from his phone book.

From the corner of his eye, Daniel can see Max nod but stay silent, like he’s been given a particularly tricky problem that he’s trying to find a solution for.

“He was here for longer than he has not been here,” he eventually says, like the hole in Daniel’s life is something that can be plugged with logic.

“True,” Daniel agrees anyway, because he knows that Max is trying, and it’s unfair to expect him to have the answers when Daniel doesn’t even know what he is asking for.

The closest thing he can think of is, ‘do you think my dad would still have loved her even without any of my DNA,’ but it’s a cruel thing to ask Max, who so desperately wanted Daniel to be the biological father. Besides, it’s not like Max would know what to say to that anyway.

“Also,” Max continues, a hesitant edge to his voice now, “of course it will be more sad this time. To bring Emilia and know he is not here to see her.”

That’s closer. Daniel can feel it, the way the words pang in his chest.

Yet, to hear it while looking down at his daughter’s sleeping body, it crests an entirely different wave of fear inside him.

There will be a time when this is her, when she’ll be spending Christmas night in the house where she grew up, but that she no longer lives in, and Daniel won’t be there to see her open her presents in the morning. It’s ridiculous really. He’s never spent one holiday with her yet, and he’s already worried about the ones he’ll miss.

“When me and Michelle were kids, on Christmas night my dad would cover the floor in flour,” he begins to recount, the words made of his desire to bridge the gap between what his father was to him then, and who Daniel is now. “He would make footprints in them, all the way from the chimney to the tree and back again, for us to find in the morning. He did it for Isaac too, made Santa’s footprints, we- We should do that for Emilia, when she is old enough.”

When he looks at Max, he’s smiling. Softly, the hue of the mobile turning the tips of his mousy hair golden. He nods, reaching for Daniel’s hand, and sliding his fingers into the four gaps between Max’s feels like coming home more than boarding a plane ever has.

“I hope I am a dad like yours,” Max whispers. The and not like mine hangs so heavy in the air, Daniel doesn’t need for him to say it to hear it.  

Still, he answers him-

“I hope we are better than both of them.”

[stormblessed95]

Okay, so you probably don’t follow Stray Kids and won’t really get this and that’s fine, but I just had to share ‘cause my mind is like… a little blown right now. So for years now most of the SKZ fandom has been suspecting that the possibility that Minho and Jisung are like… romantically together is a real one. Not even in a shippy way; like they have their shippers, but plenty of people who don’t “ship” them are still like “yeah, they’re probably together.” They very frequently just kind of… do things that make people raise eyebrows, you know?

Notably: Jisung has pointed to Minho when a poster asked who his girlfriend was (I think something similar actually happened multiple times). Jisung recently allegedly introduced himself as Minho’s boyfriend at a music show (2 diff. sources, but it’s not really verifiable). There’s an infamous live where a commenter asks Jisung, “Do you have a husband?” And he responds, “Not yet.” To which Chan unprompted (like Minho wasn’t even in the room with them) says, “Isn’t [Minho] your husband.” (This was interesting to me regardless of Minsung because of the whole “yet” thing when responding to a question about having a “husband”, male specifically, thing.) Their entire episode of 2 Kids Room is just… interesting.

And that’s just some of them, if I were to list and source all of the things they’ve done over the years it would take ages. Anyway, the kids recently renewed their contracts with JYPE and they split into dorms of pairs (they previously lived 4-4 separately). Anyway, Minho and Jisung are one of those pairs and Hyunjin was like, “Minho and Jisung are together, no surprise.” Their reaction to that comment was also interesting, low key. (Oh, and for context they were previously spilt up between the two dorms.)

I don’t ship them or anything, but it’s actually crazy bro. I’m like sitting here in shock. I’m not really looking for your opinion or anything; you probably don’t know enough about the situation to give one, it’s just like—I have no words. Sorry I just had to share ‘cause I’m just a little befuddled. Nobody actually thought that this was happening. People were speculating because of cars and stuff that they had switched dorms, but even I was like like, “I’m staying out of this speculation. Who knows, let’s wait for confirmation.” And well we got confirmation. And they can actually say it cause it’s not weird if everybody’s in pairs, right? Guess it will be interesting to see if they ever move out or if in the future when everybody else has their own place, they’re like, “Well, we’re already living together and I guess we don’t really see a reason to move just yet.” I don’t know… I’m just really fascinated by all this. Not “excited,” like I said I don’t ship them, genuinely fascinated. Obviously, it’s not a whole relationship confirmation or anything and I would say I’m maybe 60/40(?) on the whole thing. In the end, I don’t think anybody needs to know and I don’t particularly care myself to 100% know, but it’s still a little crazy to me.

I have a friend who follows stray kids and they have been filling me in a little bit on who the members are and they also have apparently been eyeing this pair the same as you! I'll be sending them this post too lol, hope that's okay! I really don't know much about this group at all, but I am learning a little bit through osmosis from my friend 😂🥰 I do actually really enjoy the songs of theirs I've heard too

This is who popped up when I typed their names into the gif search, so hopefully that's right!

Thanks for sharing with me 💜❤️