#i am very good at identifying the problems in my writing and what could be done better and not so good at pointing out the good bits

[ganondoodle]

okay, bc i have seen this argument alot now (and it also seems to be the view point of aonuma himself..) is that "zelda cant do everything link does bc whats the point then"

and i take personal offense on that bc its a stupid argument (in. my. very. personal. opinion.- not judging people for liking it. its a ME thing)

whats the point? its that its her. its still a different character, different in story, background, personality, but i WANT to play zelda and she can do everything link does, why does she have to be so restricted and be bend over backwards to find some new way to make her 'useful' when link gets to do basically everything no questions asked (the only thing thats hers is like .. sealing power and sacrificial maiden, which i find a little underwhelming to say the least), if theres no point to it why are there always modders that model swap link with someone else, and in that case it has even less impact bc its an artificial model swap with no changes to the story (which can and should still be different when its the vanilla game with a different protagonist... its still a different character), clearly theres joy in just the model being a different one- and that isnt even to mention the story possibilities, since, again, its stil a different character

if we ever (never ... i know who we are talking about here) get to play as ganondorf i want to him to be just as versatile and active as link is, if we got a point and click adventure game for him instead bc 'whats the point' id be disappointed too- you can find any sort of excuse/explanation for zelda to be singled out but the fact remains it tracks with how female characters are often treated, and that hits a very sore spot for me

i guess i am unfortunately one of those annoying people that want to see female characters be treated exactly the same as male characters, possibly bc i am myself afab but identify as agender and have a deeply personal dislike for anything 'traditional' feminine bc i cannot and never will be able to truly live as myself in real life, it influences all of my work, my work is as just as much as my opinion on this, very personal

and in line with my point about modding, i see theres joy in just beign able to play as her even if its like this, i get that, i also get it for the creative aspect (though that mechanic worries me even more for the future bc it really seems to be the path now that -freedom = good, linear anything = bad-) it is a different idea and its not like i cant see that value- im not trying be "right" either, just bc i have that opinion doesnt mean i need everyone to agree, its a very personal thing, if you like it good for you! not for me though, and i think both of that is equally valid

i just personally wish she was allowed to be just like link, fight just like him but be different bc its still her and not him in the end- to be physically/playstyle like jsut like him, but you know ... as her, i dont think shed stop being zelda if she could wield a sword just like him

i dont really know how to get my point/feelings across, i dont want to step too much into personal stuff nor spam people with something that ultimately doesnt interest me alot, im just saddened by it really

(EDIT: bc i forgot to add this on here again; this isnt as much of a problem as it might sound like here, just the main topic i wanted to talk about; why im so uninterested in it is MAINLY bc i dont trust them to write anything interesting/care about lore anymore after totk, im always on the more pessimistic side that thinks its most likely worse than id hope and i know even the past games arent perfect or super interestingly written, but now its much more just a general distrust, together with everything like the price ... im just much less hopeful and cant get excited until i see more of it, like im waiting for the game to get out and reveal that its just as much of a mess and money i regret spending- kind of fear)

[windwardstar]

i think i've reached the point with this chapter where i've stared at it so much that i'm starting to hate it because i'm only seeing the problems.

unfortunately I'm not even done with the rough draft of all the scenes. much less doing an actual editing pass.

[ms-demeanor]

So I love your computer information and advice - but I have never used a password manager because I’ve always figured it’s just putting all my most sensitive information out there to be stolen when someone gets into the password manager. What am I missing here?

The primary thing is that, in the normal course of time and space, given the limitations of computing technology, if you are using a decent password manager, nobody should be able to get into your password manager.

Good password managers (I recommend Bitwarden) are essentially impossible to access through cracking the encryption. It just won't happen. It's not going to happen.

In a decent password manager, your data also will not be available to the company that made the product. They can't get it. They don't have access, and anyone who breaks into their systems doesn't have access.

So there is one way that someone could get into your (decent) password manager: if they know your password.

That's why it's important to create one complex, memorable, unique password for your password manager that you do not share with anyone except in the most dire circumstances with someone you are 100% certain that you can trust (I've used the example in the past of my spouse giving me the password to his password manager when he was being prepped for an emergency bypass surgery - outside of situations like that, my spouse and I don't share passwords with each other).

Now, let's look at the flipside: if you do not use a decent password manager (which will generate nonsense random passwords for you on demand), you are probably creating passwords that are comparatively very easy to crack either through dictionary attacks or effortless to crack with credential stuffing.

Part of the problem here is that our data and security landscape is garbage. You have almost certainly had personal information leaked in a data breach that you had no say in participating in. You have almost certainly had your email address and multiple passwords exposed in breaches over the years. You have almost certainly used the same answers repeatedly for security questions, and there are only so many sites that will allow you to update those questions and answers, and those answers have almost certainly been exposed in previous breaches.

And the thing is, people are predictable. People reuse passwords, which makes credential stuffing extremely easy, because someone just has to find a leak from 2009 to identify your email address and then see if you used your 2009 password on any other accounts that you also registered with that email address. If your email address shows up in multiple leaks, they can compare the kinds of passwords that you used with different accounts.

Did you use the "unique password" hack that so many people do of "[site abbreviation][basic password][birthyear][punctuation]"? FBpassword95! TWTpassword95! TMBLRpassword95! - that's really, really common because passwords are hard to remember and people behave in predictable ways when they're trying to save themselves some labor.

Perhaps you are an XKCD reader and learned the CorrectHorseBatteryStaple trick, but unless you read the follow-up studies after the fact you might not know that those passwords are actually pretty crackable unless you're using words that are more like IndubitablyNematodeErlenmeyerRisome. And if you're using a unique combination of uncommon words it's going to get pretty hard to remember a hundred of them. And you'll start repeating. And then it's back to credential stuffing instead of dictionary attacks.

The point is that you are substantially more at risk of having your accounts accessed if you are repeating or using non-random passwords than you are if you are using a password manager. Some people do actually sit down with dice to roll up random passwords and write them in a book, but the vast majority of people are relying on their predictable human brains to come up with "complex" passwords and we are just not good at that.

Password managers also make it a lot easier to change things after a breach, and they make it a lot easier to generate and store random gibberish for your security questions (which you should be doing; at this point security questions are a liability, not an account recovery tool).

Using a password manager would make most people's passwords significantly more secure AND more accessible than something like writing randomized numbers and characters in a book (because a good password should not only be difficult to remember, it should be unnatural for you to type because there shouldn't be any words in it and it should require a lot of use of the shift key). A properly used password manager can also help to protect you from phishing sites by recognizing the correct site and not allowing an option to fill on a phishing site (which is why using a password manager with a browser plugin or an app can be a better option than one that is stored on your desktop and needs the password copy/pasted instead of filling the field for you).

So yes, if someone gets access to your password, they can get access to your password manager and you now have one point of failure instead of hundreds of accounts. However, because of the way that human brains work and because of how balls-to-the-walls uncrackable a good encrypted password vault is, you are likely to be more secure with that single point of failure than you are using the kinds of passwords that most people make up (we are really, really, really not good at making up nonsense passwords; go look at the top thousand passwords and think about how many of them you've used as a PART of any of your passwords. Most languages have a very small number of words that people use on a regular basis and it isn't that hard to get a computer to scan for a few thousand words if it has unlimited attempts to get into your account - mix that in with the fact that there are SO, SO many breaches out there and it is frighteningly easy to get into a lot of accounts).

However, you can then also make your password manager even MORE secure by setting up 2FA to access it. At which point the only way someone is getting into your password manager is if they know your password and have access to your 2FA account.

Generally I find that what most people are worried about isn't that their horrible ex or an abusive parent will get into their password manager, they're a lot more worried that the contents of their password vault will be exposed in a breach. And that is just not going to happen if you're using a securely encrypted password manager (like bitwarden).

[sirfrogsworth]

Mounjaro's Revenge: The Inevitable Adventures of Froggie, Chapter Unknown

I keep saying I can't leave the house without having some kind of adventure. And I really thought I was going to have a quick, uneventful doctor's visit with my monthly checkup this past Wednesday. I'd go in, they'd check the box Medicare requires every month, and I'd come straight home.

But adventure seeks me out. I can't seem to escape its grasp. And, yes, sometimes I like having adventures. They give me something to write about. And sometimes they are fun memories. But sometimes adventures just make me tired. And not all adventures are positive.

For the past 3 weeks I have been on the second dosage amount of Mounjaro. Unlike the Ozempic, I have had a few issues with side effects. Roughly 48 hours after my injection, I get sick to my stomach and feel pukey. It lasts for about two hours. I either vomit and lose the urge or I hold it in and it fades. I am then compelled to take a nap.

Considering the weight loss and glucose control, getting sick for an hour or two per week isn't a huge deal. There is a good chance I will get used to the medication as time goes on, but even if I don't, I am okay with this consequence.

My injection day was Tuesday, and based on past experience, I figured I'd have until Thursday morning before I got sick. The past 2 episodes happened at almost identical times, so I figured Wednesday wouldn't be a problem.

But right before my doctor's appointment I started feeling extremely... rough.

Optimistic for no good reason, I was hopeful I could get through the appointment before the urge to vomit arrived.

I get to the office and there are 3 patients ahead of me. This was not a good sign. My doctor tends to overbook and I was probably going to have a bit of a wait. I arrived in the middle of a lively conversation about where to get a good steak in St. Louis. I'm used to waiting rooms being full of quiet and bored people staring at their phones so when I opened the door it felt like the conversation smacked me in the face.

The cast of characters were as follows...

There was an older black man who had the spirit of a kindly grandpa. He seemed nice and wise and was enjoying the steak conversation. Let's call him, Old Guy.

There was an older white fellow who was anxious about the wait time due to having another appointment soon. He was on hold with the other doctor's office trying to delay his appointment time. He was only mildly interested in steak due to that distraction. I already used Old Guy, so... Anxious Guy.

And then there was the steak expert who was leading the conversation. Actually, leading is not strong enough. He was *dominating* the conversation. As I sat down and his visage entered my field of view, I was a bit taken aback.

Do you know how in Star Trek everyone has a mirror universe doppelganger who may look the same, but they usually have personality traits that are reversed?

They are often identified by arch overacting or a change in facial hair.

The steak expert was my mirror universe counterpart. He was of similar age, height, and weight. Same color hair and eyes. He even wore similar clothing.

But he had a goatee instead of a beard. *gasp*

And he wore... sandals. *double gasp*

He had clearly been in a recent transporter mishap.

I mean, I could *never* wear sandals. The world is not ready to handle my nude foot and I find very few sandals have the load-bearing capacity necessary for people my size. You are asking for foot pain if you are over 300 pounds and wearing sandals.

Mirror Froggie was very outgoing and personable, but he had trouble filtering what he said and was often obliviously rude. He clearly thought himself to be hilarious but struggled to make even kindly Old Guy chuckle.

Old Guy said, "I think Longhorn makes a decent steak for the money."

And then Mirror Me's unfiltered response... "Longhorn is shit. You shouldn't eat there. You are wasting your money on shit steak."

"I don't know, I've always enjoyed..."

"I'm telling you, friend, it is shit steak. End of story."

You could tell that made Old Guy feel bad for suggesting what he liked. But he brushed it off and asked for a better suggestion. Mirror Froggie confidently told him of a restaurant called "Sam's" that had "the best steak in town."

Old Guy proceeded to ask Siri to look up Sam's and it took a few tries. He reminded me of my dad fighting with the iPhone and repeating things over and over with increasing volume. I think Old Guy wasn't specific enough as he got the wholesale club on the first few attempts. Finally he said, "SAMMM'S STEAKHOUSSSSE" and found success. Old Guy saw the reviews and some of them were... not great.

But Mirror Froggie was like, "You can't read reviews. They're all liars." And I was questioning why people would take the time to lie about a small St. Louis steakhouse, but whatever. He then said it was because the restaurant was in disrepair and needed new plumbing, but that's why they could sell such amazing steak at reasonable prices.

Theories are less logical in the Mirror Universe. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anxious Guy got off his phone call and cursed into the void. He missed his other appointment. He interjected with, "Is that Sam's place expensive?" And that sent Mirror Froggie into a long diatribe about the price of meat at different places and his annoyance at steak-related inflation. Soon after, Anxious Guy finally got in to see the doctor. Old Guy was keeping Mirror Froggie busy with conversation, so I just closed my eyes and rested as they discussed the price of oversized shrimp "as big as your fist". I guess they ran out of things to say about steak.

As they were talking I started to get a spidey-sense about Mirror Froggie.

He *needed* conversation.

He *needed* distraction.

His boredom abhors a vacuum.

Whenever there was a lull or silent moment, I could see him getting very antsy. And if Old Guy got called in before Mirror Froggie... I was going to have a problem.

I was feeling sicker by the moment and did not have the bandwidth to help some stranger with his inability to accept boredom.

And... Old Guy was next.

Because, of course he was.

I feel like sitting there with my eyes closed and also not having said a word the entire time was a pretty decent social cue that I was not interested in talking. But Mirror Me decided to poke that notion with a stick in order to find a way in.

He speaks barely above a whisper, "I wish I could sleep in a public waiting room. Not sure how you do that."

"Yeah, I'm not feeling well. Nothing contagious, just very tired."

"Well, if you're sick, I guess you're in the right place, am I right? *long pause* Cuz we're next to a hospital. *short pause* Right?"

Oh great, he's a joke explainer.

Mirror Froggie did not care about my desire to sit in peace while I waited. His foot was anxiously a-tappin' and he was vibrating with energy that needed someplace to go. He tried standing up and walking in circles. And I guess because my eyes were shut he decided to narrate his walking and stretching to keep me informed. That satisfied him for roughly 20 seconds. He sat back down and was clearly struggling to be alone with his own thoughts.

"Hey, friend."

I open my eyes slowly.

"Do you see that magazine next to you? Would you mind handing that to me?"

I thought, "This is good. He's seeking out an alternate source of stimulation. He can read the magazine and I can rest until my turn."

Seriously, brain... where is this optimism coming from? I've been a cynical misanthrope for like 4 years now.

He flips through a few pages. "Look at this. It's got Oprah on the cover. It's got to be good, right? They don't put Oprah on the cover unless it is good, ya know? Though she doesn't look right after losing all that weight. You know what I mean, friend?"

Well, shit.

I didn't give him a distraction, I gave him a conversation starter. Still, I kept my eyes closed in the hopes he would give up.

"Hey, friend."

Crap.

"You want to hear a joke?"

I open my eyes. I'm not getting out of this.

"Sure." as unenthusiastically as I can manage.

He proceeds to tell three jokes all strung together. All of them terrible and none of them coherent enough for me to remember. I gave him complimentary singular chuckles even though two of the punchlines didn't make sense. I think one was about accidentally eating cat food.

"Hey, friend... how'd you like my jokes?"

I jokingly replied back, "Well, you said *a* joke and that was *three* jokes. That wasn't what I agreed to."

He chuckles and I close my eyes again.

"Hey, friend."

Jesus Christ, would someone jingle their keys for this dude?

"Do you want to hear a 'locker room' joke?"

Oh fuck me.

"I... guess?"

There was no way out of this aside from unpleasant confrontation and my energy calculation of that was much higher than just suffering through a dirty joke.

Here it is, as best as I can remember...

"So there is a pirate ship. And the captain has a beautiful daughter who has come aboard. He tells her that the crew hasn't seen a woman in a long time and they aren't safe to be around, so she should keep a razor blade 'down there.' After the voyage he assembles all of his men and instructs them to pull down their pants. Every one of them has had their dick cut off... except for one. The captain goes up to the only one with their dick intact and says, 'Thank you for not deflowering my only daughter. You should be commended for your restraint. And as a reward, I will make you my first mate.'"

I literally cannot type the punchline because it was an unintelligible noise. Basically, Mirror Froggie imitated someone without a tongue trying to speak.

Yeah. That happened.

I could not hide my disdain for this joke and I was feeling too awful to muster up any kind of response. He seemed confused by the absence of laughter from his wonderful rapey body mutilation joke.

"You get it, friend? He lost his tongue because he ate her pussy."

Yes, explaining the joke always helps... friend.

In whatever the opposite of the nick of time is, moments after this stranger said "ate her pussy"... the nurse calls Mirror Froggie in for his appointment.

I would feel relieved, but the Mounjaro side effects were getting worse and the urge to lose the remaining nutritional value from last night's dinner was increasing by the moment. I was next in line, so I was hoping Mirror Froggie didn't take up too much of the doctor's time with horrible "locker room" jokes and dubious steakhouse suggestions.

Roughly 5 minutes later the nurse calls me in to get my vitals. She weighs me and I am down another 3 pounds. That reminded me of why I was suffering this tummy tantrum. My blood pressure was perfect but my pulse was quite high. I was very anxious holding in my stomach contents and I tried to explain, but she asked me to try and relax to lower my heart rate. We compromised when I got it down to 107.

The nurse keeps forgetting that I don't really have a family anymore. And I know she has a lot of patients in and out and they probably all blend together. But she always ends up asking me questions that require me to remind her my parents are dead.

"Did your mom put up the Christmas tree yet?"

I went with, "No tree this year. Too much work."

"Aw, that's too bad. I actually got mine up early this year. You gotta put up a tree for Christmas."

Thankfully her job was done at this point and she abruptly ended the conversation.

Next up, the pee guy.

He has never actually told me what his name is so that is just what I call him in my head.

Every month I have to sacrifice my urine to the gods of Medicare so they know I am taking my meds and not selling them on the mean streets of Spanish Lake. And the pee guy always comes in to collect my sample. The little cup is kept in a white paper bag for discretion. He used to just give you a clear ziplock, and that was a little embarrassing, as everyone in the waiting room could see your pee. I definitely prefer the new white paper bag system.

It could be my lunch or some cookies or a bunch of peanuts.

Who is to know?

The pee guy is a bit of a talker as well. But the nice thing about his conversational style is that you can't get in a word edgewise. If he asks you a question, he'll even answer it for you. This requires very little effort on my part.

"Hey there, Mr. Benjermin!"

(I have noticed Ben-jer-min is a common pronunciation among Black folks in the area. Not sure if that is just a St. Louis thing or not. Perhaps I have a dialectologist follower who knows.)

I wave hello.

"How's it going, Mr. Benjermin!? Good? Good. Just gotta get your sample. Still taking the same meds? (I nod yes.) Okay, just need you to sign here. New Year's is coming up. Gotta be careful not to party too hard. You'll be regretting that. Though you don't look like a drinker to me. (I nod no.) Yeah, you're a good one. You keep it clean. Okay then, Mr. Benjermin. You're all set. Here is your new sample cup for next time."

He replaces my white paper bag with a new white paper bag and leaves the room without me saying a word. And I'm just realizing he asks me if I am a drinker quite a lot. He must sense my teetotaler spirit or something because he always assumes (correctly) that I don't drink. He's just really concerned about me partying too hard.

Finally the doctor comes in.

My doctor is kind, compassionate, and competent. The almost 3 Cs. But he's got a touch of what I call "Boomer-itis." He's on the progressive side of most things but there are a few ingrained sensibilities from that generation he didn't escape. It's mostly harmless. Though he said something sexist in front of a nurse practitioner student during my last visit that made her roll her eyes behind him.

He greets me and I tell him I'm not feeling well from the Mounjaro and that I am still recovering from my trip to Florida. He tells me that a lot of people can get sick for days from these new drugs, so getting sick for an hour or two isn't so bad. I agree, though I really wish I had not gotten sick at the exact time of this appointment. I keep eyeballing the trash can in the corner just in case things go sideways in my tummy.

He asks about my trip to Florida and I predicted that—as I already had photos ready to go on my phone. I scroll through them, showing off amazing cityscapes and mountainous clouds and an orange sunset over a lake—hoping to impress him with my photography skills to no avail. And then he sees Katrina. Now, I am not blind to her attractiveness, but I do sometimes forget how people respond when they see her next to me.

"Oh, wow. She's beautiful!" he exclaims.

I almost felt flattered on her behalf. But then his Boomer-itis starts to kick in. And he repeats, "Yeah, she's *really* beautiful. Just a friend, you said?" His facial expression and tone of voice are like, "You poor thing, you have been friendzone'd." And probably a touch of, "She's out of your league, buddy." I don't know exactly how to describe it, but it is this familiar look of pity and worry. This is usually followed up with a probing question trying to figure out what our "deal" is. Why is it so odd to that generation that a man and woman can earnestly be just friends and perfectly content with that arrangement?

It would be the easiest thing in the world to just say, "She's gay" and that she isn't "out of my league" as she plays an entirely different sport. (Competitive Subaru Ownership?) But my friendship with Katrina is not some consolation prize due to her queerness. I shouldn't have to explain or justify why I'm "just friends" or why I'm not "being led on."

In a worried tone, "So, umm, how'd you two meet?"

There it is.

"She is an artist. I posted some of her work on my website and it was very popular and helped people find her work. She messaged me to say thank you and we were instant friends. 10 years later she's my best friend and very much like family."

Thankfully his pity face evaporated and he finally saw how long-lasting and meaningful this friendship was. But it is a weirdly common obstacle I have noticed whenever people see a fat guy has a conventionally attractive friend.

Friends are great. Friends have been more supportive and beneficial to me than any romantic entanglement I've ever had.

All of my friends are hot and queer and that's awesome.

Note to self: Put that on a t-shirt.

Knowing how difficult it was, he congratulated me on surviving the trip and we wrapped up our appointment quickly. All I have left to do is check in with his assistant, get my prescriptions sent in, and make my next appointment. I can see the finish line, but my tummy is rumbling and I am making contingency plans for the Great Upchuck of 2023™. I'm clocking trashcans with plastic liners. I'm trying to remember where the nearest restroom is. And then I look down at the little white paper bag containing my urine sample cup and think, "Last resort."

Trinica (the competence ninja and my favorite person in the office) is processing my meds and searching the calendar for next month's visit. Shelly is keeping quiet and working on her computer. I start pacing back and forth. I'm not sure what I think that will do, but I think desperation is taking over at this point.

Shelly sees me and asks, "How's that whole disability situation going for you?" She is acting like my best friend now after cursing at me on the phone. I have a feeling she had an unpleasant conversation with my doctor after that episode because she isn't this sweet and nice to anyone.

I give her the update, "Everything is submitted. My lawyer is happy with all of the records we were able to find. It's just a waiting game now. It could be a couple of months but if I have to see a judge it could be over a year."

She commiserates with me about how slow the process can be.

Then, out of fucking nowhere, Mirror Froggie reappears in the little sliding reception window like a jumpscare in a horror movie.

Are you fucking kidding me with this guy?

"Hey Trinica, do you have a business card for the doctor? I want to recommend him to Doug."

Who the fuck is Doug? Are we supposed to know Doug? Is Doug the tongueless pussy-eating pirate who needs medical attention?

Trinica looks in her desk and is unable to find a spare card. So she stops processing my stuff and starts hunting around the office. She has a bad leg so she is slowly limping while searching every desk. I have never wanted to strangle anyone before, but my doppeldouche was really pushing his luck.

At this point I am just staring at the little trash can in the blood-draw room. I can feel the scrambled eggs reversing course through my digestive system.

Trinica finds a fucking card for fucking Doug and fucking Mirror Froggie finally fucks off to bother people that are not me.

Trinica gets me all sorted, I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, and make to the car.

I sit in the driver's seat, and with that unearned optimism, say to myself, "I made it."

For all of you who are squeamish about bodily fluids, you can just pretend this is where the story ends. Everything was fine. I made it home and was happy and comfortable and nothing gross happened. The nausea faded away and I lived happily ever after.

The End.

Thank you for reading this and have a lovely day.

Just scroll on by to the next post!

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Okay, so you all probably thought I was foreshadowing a monumental barf.

But foreshadowing is typically subtle. You don't want to give away the ending. Of course this was going to end in barf. The barfing was inevitable. The barf was not what I was *actually* foreshadowing at all.

Did anyone catch what it was?

You know that discrete white paper bag?

The one that could be for peanuts or maybe a sammich and definitely not my urine sample cup?

The last resort?

Look, it's all I had.

I was not going to make it home. I was not going to make it back into the bathroom. No trash bins on the horizon. Nothing in my car.

At first it was just an itty bitty baby barf. A perfect amount to be contained in a flimsy paper bag. I felt a relief wash over me.

"That's all?" still being stupidly optimistic.

But then I made that noise.

That... pre-retch noise.

That one where your head kinda juts forward and your lips make a giant O shape and you make a very specific grunting sound. That sound where if another person hears it, they involuntarily make the same specific grunting sound.

This was when I had one of those movie moments when a character knows they are about to die and they can't do anything about it. And I made this exact face as I waited for the impending doom of a vomitous explosion.

The Great Upchuck of 2023™ commenced.

And it was... intense.

Everything inside my stomach transferred rapidly, furiously, projectile-ly into the bag of foreshadowing.

I mean, I'm pretty much convinced my stomach is a TARDIS because I do not remember ingesting that much food. This sheer volume of barf had to be coming from another dimensional plane.

I could see it staining the sides of the bag as it was clearly not meant for this. When I finished it was barely intact—soggy, if you will. When I was absolutely sure I had ralph'd to completion, my only option was to gently place it on the passenger's side floor (sans floor mats). All I needed was for it to last 5 more minutes on the trip home and then I could dispose of it and pretend this never happened.

Physically I felt such a relief. Sometimes there is this post-puke euphoria where you just feel, well... lighter. Unburdened with no longer having that feeling. Happy it is over with.

I place the key in the ignition and head for home. As I'm driving I can't help but stare at the bag. I can see it mocking me as it changes colors. The exterior was getting... damp. If this were someone else's vomit, I would have been vomiting because of it. Just... so gross.

I get home and park the car. I walk around to the passenger side to begin the extraction process. I pull the trash can close and I have to psych myself up to deal with this horrible hurling happenstance.

And this next part, well... it would be hilarious if it weren't so damned disgusting.

I stare at the bag.

The bag stares back at me.

I take a deep breath and approach the bag.

The bag grins at me.

I gingerly grasp the very tippy-top in an effort to not touch any of the offending material.

I slowly lift up the bag.

And the very instant it reaches just enough height to do the most damage...

The bottom falls out.

If the bag had broken just as I was picking it up, the carnage would have been minimal. Only a small area to clean up. But clearly this bag read the Wikipedia page on air burst nuclear weapons. It knew you get a much more devastating blast radius if you detonate from an elevated position.

A TARDIS worth of partially digested scrambled eggs just pour and splatter and spray onto the floor of my car. It looked like the bag was puking out my puke.

The bag is now dead but I can feel its ghost laughing at me.

I stand there frozen holding the top of this evil deceased white paper bag trying and failing to process what just happened.

I realize I have no idea what to do with this situation. This is something that would usually be followed with, "MOoooOOOoooommmmm! How do I clean up vomit?"

And she would say, "You'll never do it right. I'll clean it up."

And I'd pretend to be like, "Oh no, it's my mess. I could never let you do that for me."

And she'd insist and break out her endless supply of very specific cleaning potions and magics and soon it would be as if the vomit didn't even exist.

So, I guess my question is... do I have to get my car detailed now?

The Actual End.

[i-fucking-hate-ppl]

Hello! I see that you write for Hazbin Hotel, I hope I'm not being a bother but I'd like to request Alastor with a friend/significant other that identifies as non binary. Seeing as he's from a time period where LGBTQ people weren't exactly accepted I wonder what his opinion would be. Would he be homophobic? Or would he be confused/slightly weirded out and need someone to explain to him for him to understand and accept?

You're hardly a bother dearie! I hope you enjoy!

Platonic

He would be confused and most certainly has no clue what you're going on about! Those terms hardly existed in his time, or at least weren't common knowledge, it was all just slurs unfortunately.

Even with his time in hell, he was too busy off doing his.. broadcasts and whatnot to become better educated on the subject.

Once you explain it he will.. still be rather confused but he's quite the polite and proper man, a gentleman really, so he won't ever say anything bad.

Just a "Oh! Well that's.. quite interesting!"

He might say some offensive things from time to time, on accident of course. A small correction is all that's needed.

"Sorry my dear! I wasn't aware!"

And that's that, he'll never say it again.

He tries to be respectful, and tries to avoid bringing it up so he won't offend you. And rather brings his question to random ass people he finds because he doesn't give two fucks about them.

If you start mentioning asexual he'll be like oh hey, that's me! Haha!

Obviously he gets better with time, and it's something you two bond over with a cup of tea.

"And he dared to misgender me, after i politely corrected him! What a prick am I right?"

"Most definitely dear. I could take care of him, if you wish."

"...Uh like bring him soup when he's sick or..."

Or

"A man came onto me on my way back this evening."

"Jesus! I hope he got what he deserved!"

"He most certainly did! I ripped his dick off! Haha!"

"...Good for you? I mean uh, you go!"

Sometimes you're slightly concerned by him..

Romantic

As stated before, confused and has no idea what you are talking about.

Although this time he is more interested, you are his lover after all, he should try to understand to his full extent!

He will ask you many questions, and word them very carefully so he won't upset you. And anything he think may be slightly offensive, well it's back to torturing questioning the information out of homeless people.

"You should have told me sooner dear! It's hardly an issue at all! I have no problem with the community, be a giraffe for all I care!"

"You shouldn't have a problem with the community since you're an ace in the hole, also that's.. a little bit offensive."

"A what now?"

Further explanation needed. He's heard it twice now, tell him.

Once you explain he'll realize that you were most certainly correct! Any sexual attraction towards you is very, very far and few between and most of the time he'd much rather just sit and read a book with you with some jazz playing from a radio in the backround.

He won't treat you any differently than he did before hand. <3

[moralesmilesanhour]

Saw your reqs are open :D, could you write some headcanons for hobie?

Sure!

Hobie Headcanons! :

The way he was able to replicate a cross-dimensional traveling device like it was nothing...he is on some mad scientist shit like bro will build anything 😭

Has probably built a gaming PC from scratch

Collects records!

I HC that he used to be a DJ and can mix the craziest grime tracks u ever heard

If a song is poorly produced/mixed he Will Notice. And point it out

Refuses to get a new guitar. Like ever

Runs a community garden if he's able to. Encyclopedic plant and culinary knowledge as a result

I just know he one of them "jasmine and honey mango mint tea with notes of chamomile" bitches and we love that for him

Jars upon jars of tea leaves. He has a problem 🫶🏾

Probably very good with seasoning and understanding flavor when cooking

If you are someone that is of the opinion that he smokes weed. He probably treats his weed the same way

Another music nerd. If you misidentify a genre of music or are wrong about the influence of a certain artist he will murder you on sight

Nova Twins enjoyer mhm!

Does crazy editorial-esque makeup looks especially for parties and raves

Thrifts or sews his own clothes. Very good with identifying different fabrics and examining the quality of seams and shit

"Is this that Shein bullocks you keep buying? Look, it's already falling apart!"

"I could make that. Lemme see the pattern" ass mf (my mom is like this with every piece of clothing I own I am projecting)

Does people's piercings sometimes on the weekends

Does people's locs/wicks too!

That's all I got for now I hope this was close enough to what you had in mind 😭 thank u for requesting!

[mostowa]

Justice for Chenford aka my inital thoughts after 6x07

Ok, for starters. I really liked the episode. I liked that it was slow paced with all of them dealing one case and that it was basically the whole episode about Chenford and the aftermath of break up. I loved it, because it just shows that writers know how important it was for us and for them (the whole Mid-Wilshire gang) to process that. Now when I think about it I am kind of surprised they decided to not write any Angela/Tim scene, but I guess they are this type of friendship, when they are always for each other, but not necessarily on a daily basis. As for other things:

Tim and therapy. I am so proud of my boy. I really loved how they write it. I loved that nobody made him do the therapy and Grey even allowed him an opt-out that he chose. His initial defensivenes towards London was so in-character. I think that it was very good he decided to go on his own (did he? let me get to this in the separate point :D), I also liked that all of his major problems were highlighted in this episode, which we all identified (I mean @theflyindutchwoman could be Tim's therapist at this point lol). I am really happy that Tim is also still good at his job. It was a great scene with Grey, because Tim was actually surprised he did so good, when he was still thinking he is shit at everything he does (he is not).

Lucy I really like how she's been written, too. Obviously she went through a lot. But it's very clear after this episode that she is the one that is mature and much better grounded. Ok, she is a bit alone, but I think there is a whole new chapter starting for her with Celina --- I really like it. They haven't had much interaction until now, but I feel they will bond a lot over energies, cat personalities and mental problems. They will be a good team. Lucy is obviously dealing with breakup much better than Tim because, well, she is dealing with it. Pairing with Grey was great too and I loved how he had this "I'm your boss but also kind of dad" dynamic. It was great. I loved that Tamara was there for her. I even liked the "imma invite everyone else" just to show Tim she doesn't want to see him. This one wasn't mature, but it was very Lucy and nobody ever acts 100% mature over break up ahahaha.

Chenford I love mad Lucy and lost Tim and I was kind of hoping for this kind of dynamics so I'm happy they went for that. The final scene crushed me, but only in the right way. I feel it was so necessary and it's good that it was awkward. I loved that Tim went for a safe ground with work talk, because he, well, he just wanted to feel close with her and this is how they were close. It's good that she called him out on that, too. I think we will get this mature talk between them, but I'm glad it didn't happen now. I'm sure Tim wouldn't be able to take the mature stuff from Lucy. I genuinely think that this convo was the tipping point for Tim for going to therapy. I think it is once again Lucy that makes him choose right things and I am so in love with that. I'm happy she opened his mind.

dr London Y'all need to come down. For me, if anything, dr London in this episode proved that she is 100000% professional. All she did with Tim is to talk about his issues, she was very strong with that and she was also very good in not taking Tim's BS haha. She is a professional, extremely observant and I think a good therapist. As for the last scene, for me it showed only the sense of urgency. It showed how much Tim actually wants to work on himself (I think he feels he is losing Lucy a bit) and that he wants to work on it right now. Of course, we won't know what is going to happen and of course feelings towards therapist are not an uncommon in therapy and especially when patient is so lost, but I really hope they won't go down this path, because it would feel a little cheap.

Overally I loved how they wrote it. I love they went for the very Rookie path of dealing with the stupid decision the right way. I love that there are some seeds thrown to grow and I think this is one of the most in-character episodes we got all season. I'm anticipating the show again and I'm happy!

I am also curious who is going to be the officer down and I'm loving that we will get some more action!

[sophieinwonderland]

Preface: People are going to assume this is a response to recent drama. So I want to say that I started writing this draft before that one blog's response to me. It was shortly after midnight on the 8th when it was just barely what I consider my Birthday. I was reflecting on my 3 years of existence and where I am now. The fact that I got the response I did later that same day is a total coincidence.

I don't feel like I have friends anymore...

That's an awful thing to admit.

I have one other system I feel like I talk to with any sort of regularity, who I love and consider friends. But they're not involved with syscourse which is so often where my mind goes. And so I don't talk to them about it because I don't want to trouble them, which means I don't talk to them because I can't think of what to talk about.

What else do I care about?

I mean, there are other things I care about, but they probably wouldn't care about those things. And I struggle to find something to say. Something that feels worthy of their time. But again, not syscourse or something that would bring them down.

I've had other friends. But they've faded away with time. One by one.

And a lot of that is my fault. I'm not good at being a friend or knowing what to say. And I'm not very good at opening myself up.

And when I can't think of what to say, I choose to say nothing. I ghost people I like because it's hard to maintain those relationships.

And I'm aware on some level that this hurts people. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who treated others the way I do.

And there will be times when I'll decide to do better. I will, with full confidence, say that I'm going to change. I'll be a better friend. A better person. I'll fully believe this is something I'll succeed at for the rest of the day. Then the next day comes and that conviction melts away.

I think one reason Jaiden's story of having ADHD appeals to me is that if this was the problem with us, maybe, we could identify it and then just take one little pill and it will fix me.

That's a nice fantasy, isn't it?

A naive fantasy that ignores the fact that I'm in the brain of someone who was homeschooled and barely had any friends as a child either. But it's a nice fantasy to hold onto anyway.

So, yeah. I don't feel like I have friends, for the most part, outside our system. I have a blog. I have followers. I have plenty of mutuals I like interacting with.

But there aren't people who I truly trust to let in. It doesn't feel like anyone actually knows me or who I am anymore, if anyone ever did.

Since I haven't posted on it for a week and don't know when I'll post on it again or if I will, here's a confession: I made @anti-lies! Sorry to ruin the mystery for anything speculating! Though I didn't think I was even that subtle about it.

But the only person I know who guessed it was me was SAS! Which, congratulations! But also, that's kind of a sad thought that the person who might know me better than anyone is someone who was my archnemesis for the past two-and-a-half years.

To be fair, SAS did imply that other people might have guessed it. But if so, whatever circles those conversations are happening in aren't ones I'm in.

Oh wait, I'm not really in any circles am I?

I'm on the outskirts of the community. I mean, that's sort of by choice really.

Public posts can bring more awareness of plurality and tulpamancy. Locking myself in Discord servers or some isolated community makes me feel like I'm wasting my time because I need to be talking about it publicly where the world can see. I really, really don't want to be part of a Discord server. It's my choice to stay out of those spaces and I don't regret that decision.

But sometimes it's weird when I realize that most everyone else is. That they're actually in plural communities in a way I'm not.

I wonder, do people even realize I'm an outsider? Again, by choice. I've been invited to servers and chose not to go. I'm not being ostracized or anything. I've turned down attempts at bringing me further in. No one is to blame but myself. But either way, the result is that I don't feel like I'm really part of the communities I spend so much time advocating for.

[fallingforfictionalcharacterss]

Hiii, I really liked Cookies and I was wondering if you could write something similar. I thought about enemies to lovers where Dracos friends slip potion into his drink and he starts to be all over her and she's really annoyed. But when the effect of the potion fates he doesn't stop behave like this because he is actually in love with her. And she realizes she is too. IDK, this is hard to explain.

Thank you so much for your request. This might have turned out as one of my favourite writings by now. I hope this is the way you wanted it.

The most powerful feeling

Warnings: implied mentions of suicide

“Damn it (Y/l/n), are you in every class I´m taking this year?”

“Of course, Malfoy. I couldn’t stand one without you.”

“Well, I can´t stand a class with you.” “I don’t think this is my problem, is it?” “You were really born to annoy me, weren’t you?”

“No, but I rather took your classes as well to do so, than take those that might help me with my future plans.”

“Is there space for anything but ruin my life?” “Oh yeah, you´re probably right. All my life is dedicated to you.”

You rolled your eyes. Malfoy just wanted to reply, when Professor Slughorn entered the classroom. The elder man greeted you cheerfully, while his students took their seats. You sat down next to Hermione, who was already listening to the Professor attentively.

After a short introduction, Professor Slughorn asked you to get closer to a table in front of him. On the table, he had placed some cauldrons.

“For the beginning, I have brought you some different potions. Who can tell me, which?” Hermione´s hand shot up immediately.

“Very well, Miss…” Professor Slughorn stopped and looked at her questionably.

“Granger, Sir.”, Hermione smiled.

You could see a flash of recognition on his face.

“Ahh, of course, Miss Granger. Mr Potter has already told me about you.”

You could see Hermione´s cheeks heat up in joy before she stepped forward and started to identify the different potions.

“I wonder how you even got in here.”, you heard a familiar voice sneering behind you. “I don’t remember you having any talent for this class.” “And I don’t remember the last time you were able to shut up.”

You sighted. But Malfoy was right. If Professor Snape would still be the teacher, you wouldn’t have been allowed to participate in the class, since he had some higher standards than the new Professor.

You brought your attention back to Hermione.

“This is Amortentia. It´s the most powerful love potion in the world.”

You could hear some gasps, but you were only slightly impressed. What was a love potion even good for? Why would you want to be with a person who you knew wouldn’t want to be with you if you hadn’t drugged them?

“Listen closely, (Y/l/n), this might be the only chance to ever get someone to love you.”, Malfoy continued teasing.

“Do you have a question, Mr. Malfoy?”, Professor Slughorn asked.

You could see Malfoy´s ears turning slightly pink, as the Professor called him out. You couldn’t help but grin in satisfaction.

“I am sorry Professor.”, Malfoy said with an innocent smile. “But I was just wondering why you said this potion is so powerful. Aren´t many more dangerous things in this room?”

Unlike you, Malfoy had seemed to be able to listen to the explanations of the Professor, while humiliating you once more. You sighted. This boy somehow always got his act together. Blaise Zabini and Pansy Parkinson snickered in approval at Malfoy´s words. Professor Slughorn also smiled and nodded.

“My dear boy, I assume you have never truly been in love, have you?”

Malfoy didn’t answer and just shrugged his shoulders, looking at his feet.

“Because if you had been,”, the Professor continued, “You would know that love is the most powerful feeling in the world. It can make you feel as if you are the luckiest person alive, or the most unfortunate one. It can make time stop or make it go faster. It can make you feel alive, but it can also kill you.” Slughorn stared into the void with a dreamy expression on his face.

“If one is able to truly love, it is the greatest gift in the world. You will be the happiest you have ever been. But it´s also the things we love the most that can hurt us the most.”

Then, the Professor snapped back to reality and looked at Malfoy, who stared at him unimpressed.

“One day, you might understand, dear boy.”

Then he continued his lesson.

“Such a shame you´re not capable of such feelings”, you whispered at Malfoy with a fake pity on your face. “Well, maybe except for yourself.”

Malfoy just stared at you with a blank face and didn’t answer.

“See, you can´t even say something against it.”, you smiled sweetly.

Then you turned to Professor Slughorn again and listen to him explaining the effect of Felix Felicis.

When you returned to your seats, you saw Malfoy and his friends, whispering on the other side of the room, shooting you some glances.

“You could think he has something better to do, don’t you?”, you whispered to Hermione, while gathering up the ingredients for the potion you had to brew. But Hermione just rolled her eyes.

“I could also think you would have something better to do, (Y/n).” “What, it´s not my fault, he is so obsessed with me. I´m just defending myself.”

But that wasn’t exactly true. Sure, it had been Malfoy who had started this hostility in the first year, by calling Hermione a mudblood. You had to hex him for this, of course, earning yourself a month of detention. After that incident it hadn’t been about his aversion to muggle-borns or that he was jealous of Harry all the time. You and the blond Slytherin by now had your personal enmity. You hated everything about him. The way he treated not only the people he didn’t like but also his friends, his pride, especially regarding his family, the way his silvery eyes were sparkling whenever he knew he had hurt someone and the way he was for some reason the only one who was able to keep up with your sarcastic remarks, you rarely ever made in front of others, knowing it might scare them off. But not Malfoy. Sometimes you even caught yourself enjoying your bickering, but as soon as you did, you reminded yourself, that the tall Slytherin boy with the arrogant smirk always playing around his full lips was nothing but your enemy. Everyone knew that, even though your friends sometimes made some comments about the unusual amount of time and effort you put into this hostility. Just like they did now.

“You know, sometimes you behave like an old married couple.”, Ron said from the other side of the table, weighing the sloth's brain.

“Sometimes I think I might have to get jealous (Y/n), I always thought Malfoy´s my enemy.”, Harry added with a smirk.

You just rolled your eyes.

“You really have to decide. Are we a couple or enemies?”

“Those things might go hand in hand, you know?”, Hermione now joined the conversation.

“I thought at least you would be on my side Mione.”, you whined. “I´m not interested in Malfoy. Not at all! He´s a spoiled git and there is nothing attractive about him at all.”

You put down the infusion of wormwood a little harder than intended, making the liquid nearly slop.

“Well, you have to admit he´s kinda hot.”, Hermione said and watched with a smug grin how Ron choked on the air, not able to calm down again until Harry patted his back.

You refused to answer. You had to admit that Malfoy wasn’t bad looking with his grey eyes and the small crinkles around his eyes whenever he -what happened rarely- laughed. But that changed nothing at all. To confirm your thoughts, you looked over to the table of the Slytherins, where the friends were still whispering. Little did you know, they had a pretty similar conversation going on.

“By Merlin´s beard, Pansy. I don’t like her. She´s a Gryffindor. She´s a friend of Potter. She is a filthy blood traitor with an average talent for sarcasm. That’s all.”

“Well, she is really pretty too, don’t you think?”

“If you like her that much then go date her yourself, Parkinson.”, Draco growled, before perusing his potion again.

Pansy watched her friend with narrowed eyes, before turning around to Blaise, who watched the scene with an amused grin. He was already used to it and found those conversations rather entertaining. But when Pansy approached him with a mischievous grin on her face, he knew this time something would be different.

“Blaise,”, Pansy said, her voice sounding as sweet as honey as she whispered: “I don’t think we can let him talk to me like this, do you? I think we might have to teach him a lesson. And (Y/l/n) too. It´s so annoying to watch them, not being able to solve their own problems.”

Blaise raised an eyebrow.

“How?”

Pansy´s grin only grew wider.

“I might have an idea.”

It was nearly the end of the lesson -Harry had been the only one who had brewed an acceptable potion- when Pansy Parkinson raised her hand.

“Excuse me Professor, I don’t feel very well.”, she said in a shaky voice.

You watched Professor Slughorn walking up to the girl who had by now sunken down on her chair. When the Professor got to their table, Blaise Zabini backed off immediately, making space for him. Slughorn felt the pulse of Pansy Parkinson. Then he nodded knowingly.

“No worries. You probably just inhaled too much of the vapours.”

With a quick flick of his wand, he conjured a cup and filled it with some water.

“Drink that. And if it won´t get better, feel free to leave the class.” The Slytherin nodded and smiled thankfully.

“Thank you, Professor. I think it´s already getting better.”

Slughorn returned her smile before he turned around and committed himself to the other students again.

Neither you nor anyone else saw the questioning glance, Pansy threw at Blaise. And neither you nor anyone else saw the triumphant grin on Blaise´s face when he waved with the small vial in his hand.

You cursed under your breath as you rushed through the corridors. You had overslept, not that this was unusual, and was late for breakfast now. Just as you rushed around the corner, someone bumped into you.

“By Salazar, I´m awake for not even half an hour and you are already ruining my day!”

You frowned. Out of all the people you had to run into Malfoy. This day started absolutely amazing.

“Could say the same.”, you mumbled.

You wanted to pass him, not in the mood for a dispute that early in the morning, but Malfoy had different plans. He grabbed you by the wrist, making you stop.

“Let go of me Malfoy!”, you barked.

“I will. But first, you are going to apologise.”

You stared at him in disbelieve.

“Me? Apologizing? To you?”

“Well, you are not as stupid as you look (Y/l/n).”, he snickered.

“You bumped into me.”, you said, feeling your face redden.

Malfoy laughed.

“I´m not the one running around like I´m crazy.”

“Neither do I.”

“Then why you bumped into me?”

“I didn’t…” You stopped and took a deep breath. Then you smiled up at the boy in front of you. “You know what? You´re right. I´m actually sorry.”

Malfoy looked at you, confused why you gave in that easy. But as soon as his grip loosened around your wrist you freed yourself and walked away. Before you disappeared behind the next corner, you turned around once more, adding: “Sorry for everyone who has to deal with you!”

When you saw Malfoy at breakfast, he shot you a deadly glance, probably still mad you had had the last word. You saw him sitting down with his friends. Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini offered their friend a cup of pumpkin juice with a friendly smile. After he had emptied it, they burst into laughter, glancing over at you. As your gaze met theirs, you quickly looked away again, wondering why you had even looked there in the first place. Besides, you were late for class already. Luckily one, you didn’t share with the Slytherins.

When you got up and left the Great Hall, you resisted looking back to the table with Malfoy and his friends. But if you had done it, you might had seen the confused look in Malfoy´s eyes, when he watched you leave and Parkinson and Zabini high-fifing in a not-so-subtle way.

After your class, you walked into the courtyard, together with Hermione. Just as you talked about your DADA class with Snape, you ran into someone the second time this day. And for the second time, it was Malfoy.

“Godric, are you following me around?”, you frowned as you looked at the blond boy.

But instead of a counter-attack, he just stared at you, mesmerized. You returned his gaze, confused.

“Are you… okay?”, you asked carefully, when he didn’t react.

“You are so beautiful. You know that (Y/n)?”

You froze.

“What?”

“You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my entire life.”

You glanced at Hermione, who looked just as confused as you.

“Is that some kind of sick joke of yours?”, you asked, eying the boy in front of you distrustfully. But Malfoy just shook his head.

“That is nothing to joke about.”

“Aha?”

“I really mean it. You are so pretty. And I don’t mean your outer appearance. Even though it´s beautiful as well. I mean whenever I look into your eyes…” He looked at you dreamingly, like he would actually get lost in the way you looked at him.

“What´s wrong with my eyes Malfoy?”, you asked impatiently.

“Nothing, nothing is wrong with your eyes (Y/n). In fact, there is nothing wrong with you at all. You are just flawless.”

When he continued staring at you, a new thought crossed your mind.

“Wait, did you hurt your head?”

Malfoy looked at you irritated.

“What´s with my head?” But then a haze laid upon his gaze once more. “You are always so attentive. Do you worry about me?” His face lit up at that thought. “Is it because you like me? Because I like you (Y/n), I really do. And by that, I mean…”

“I mean did something happen to you? Did you trip? Maybe fell and hit your head?”

Draco shook his head.

“I didn’t fall. Well, I didn’t fall except for you. By the way, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

That was it. Hermione burst into laughter, while you just rolled your eyes.

“Okay, Malfoy, whatever is going on, get yourself together again. Can´t take you seriously like this.”

You turned around, together with Hermione, who by now whipped some tears from her cheeks, still giggling. But you didn’t get far.

“(Y/n), wait!”

You kept going.

“(Y/n), please!”

“What is it Malfoy?” “Why are you leaving already?”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“I thought we could spend some time together. You know,”, he glared at Hermione, “just the two of us.”

 You couldn’t help but laugh.

“If it had ever been just the two of us one had always tried to murder the other one.” Draco´s eyes widened.

“I could never do this to you (Y/n). I love you.”

You stared at him in disbelieve.

“Okay, now you are actually kidding me.”

Draco shook his head eagerly.

“I don’t. I mean it. I love you (Y/n).”

You could feel a strange aching in the area of your stomach. If this boy was playing games with you -which he obviously did- this wasn’t funny anymore. To play with the feelings of someone else in this way was just disgusting.

When you didn’t answer, Draco looked at you with puppy eyes.

“Please (Y/n), what can I do to make you believe me?”

You shrugged your shoulders.

“Just leave me alone for the rest of the day.”

You couldn’t deal with his behaviour right now. If he teased you, you knew exactly what to do, but when he behaved like this, complementing you and declaring his love, you had no idea what you were supposed to do.

“But I can´t. We are made for each other. Every second without you is one wasted!”

The sound of his voice nearly made your heart break. But that was the exact reason why you needed to leave. You couldn’t deal with whatever this was.

“C´mon Hermione, let´s just leave.”

Your friend obeyed and you left the poor boy standing there on his own, utterly confused about what had just happened. Did he do something wrong?

That´s what he also asked his friends who had watched the whole scene.

“I don’t know man. Girls, I guess.”, Blaise said, as he patted Draco´s back.

“Maybe you should get her some flowers. Every girl loves flowers.”, Pansy suggested, biting her lip to hold back laughter.

Draco nodded eagerly. Flowers. That was a great idea. Then you would finally understand that the two of you were made for each other.

“(Y/n), there is someone outside of the common room for you.”, a fourth-year Gryffindor snickered, while her friend next to her nearly burst into laughter.

You raised your eyebrows. All your friends were here and even if they weren’t, they would have just come in. And you didn’t remember planning to meet one of the students from the other houses today.

“Who is it?”

“Why don´t you go and take a look yourself?”, the girl giggled, before she disappeared with her friends in their dorm.

Your friends looked at you questionably.

“Any ideas who this is?”, Harry asked who was sitting in the wing chair towards you.

You shrugged your shoulders.

“I guess there´s only one way to find out.”

You got up from your chair and went to the entrance.

When the portrait opened, you saw red.

Literally.

In front of you stood a huge bouquet of red roses. The strange thing was, that the bouquet seemed to have some legs, one of them bouncing nervously.

“What in the name of…”, you mumbled.

Then you saw a light blond shock of hair appearing behind the flowers, as well as some silvery eyes, glancing at you full of expectation.

“No!” You shook your head. “No, no, no. No!”

“(Y/n), what is it? Who…” Hermione´s voice broke at the view of the boy in front of you.

Quickly you backed up again and wanted to slam the door behind you, but Malfoy was faster. Quickly, he got a foot in the door.

“(Y/n), please, just listen to me.”, he pleaded.

“I don’t know what you could tell me that I would be interested in, Malfoy.”, you said in a cold voice.

“But I bought you flowers.”

“Probably poisoned.”

“No, they aren’t. I swear by the name of my mother.”

Well, that meant something. But you still had no intention, to believe him. You wanted to leave, but Ron stopped you. Harry and he had stood a meter behind you, obviously enjoying the scene.

“Let the man say what he got to say.”, Ron grinned.

You sighted and turned around to Malfoy again, arms crossed.

“You got ten seconds.”

“I love you (Y/n).”, bubbled out of the boy immediately. “I truly do. I adore you with every fibre of my body. And I am truly sorry for everything I have ever done to hurt you. And I want to make it up to you. Please just give me a chance. I swear I will…” “Time´s up Malfoy.”, you interrupted him.

The boy stopped and looked at you hopefully. You stared at him with a blank face, hoping nothing in your eyes would give away the confusion that blustered inside of you when you heard his voice sounding so vulnerable.

“So what do you say? Will you give me a chance?” “I don’t know what game you play Malfoy.” The tone of your voice was calm, even though you could sense the shakiness threatening to burst out with every word you spoke. “But to play with the emotions of other people like this is just disgusting. I don’t know what you´re up to and I don’t want to know. But let me make one thing clear. I don’t love you. I never did and I never will. You make me sick. That´s the only feeling you can cause in me. And now for the love of Godric just leave, before I´ll hex you so bad that you´ll never leave the hospital wing again. And take your silly flowers with you.”

With every word you spoke your heart tightened more when you saw the look in his eyes. Every fibre of your body screamed at you that he was genuine and that you might had just broken him. But your trust in him was irreparably damaged. And that´s why you turned around and left Malfoy alone, with his flowers in his hand and tears in his eyes, wondering how he deserved the pain his love had caused.

Pansy and Blaise had been standing behind the next corner, listening to every word you had said. Even though everything had started out as a joke, now they felt sorry for their friend. When Draco walked past them, Pansy grabbed him by his arm, causing him to stop.

“Draco, what are you up to?”, she asked him, trying to make her voice sound friendly and clueless.

When Draco turned around, she was surprised to see tears swimming in his eyes. They had been friends for such a long time, still, she couldn’t remember one time he cried in front of her.

“This doesn’t make any sense anymore Pansy.”, he said.

His voice sounded so hopeless, sending shivers down the spines of his friends.

“What are you talking about?” “She doesn’t love me. She told me. And she never will.”

“But you won´t give up that easy, will you?”

Draco shrugged his shoulders.

“Doesn’t matter anymore. If she doesn’t want me, I don’t want myself anymore either. She told me to leave and so I will. I will never bother her again. Just tell her I loved her. I truly did.”

Draco continued his way.

Pansy and Blaise looked at each other, now truly concerned about their friend.

“Draco, where are you going?”, Blaise yelled.

“To the astronomy tower.”

“And what do you want there?”

“If I can´t spend the rest of my life with her it´s useless anyway. Then I don’t want to live anymore at all.”

He wanted to leave, but Blaise, was quick to walk up to his friend, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

“Mate, you´re definitely exaggerating.”, he said, trying to give his voice a chatty tone, not showing off how much the words of his best friend frightened him.

But Draco just shook his head.

“I want a life with her or not at all.”, he said, trying to free himself of the tight grip of his friend.

“Maybe we could try to talk to her once more.”

“I tried. But she told me to leave. I´m nothing but a burden for her. And I don’t want to bother her anymore. Now let me go before I hex you.”

But Blaise refused to do so and Draco grabbed his wand.

“We gave you a love potion Draco.”, Pansy suddenly blurted out.

Draco froze. Then, slowly, he turned around, looking at her in disbelief.

“You did what?”

“We sneaked some of the Amortentia of Slughorn´s first lesson into your drink this morning. It was meant to be fun. We didn’t think it would be that… that bad.”

Draco shook his head.

“But I love her.”

“No you don’t. It´s just the potion making you think that.”

Draco thought about her words for a few moments. Then he straightened up again. His gaze was stubborn.

“And if you did, I don’t care. It only made me realize how I am really feeling for her. Nothing in this world could fake the feelings I have. I know I am truly in love with (Y/n). I belong to her. We are made for each other. But sadly,”, his voice lowered again, “she doesn’t think the same.”

“If you are so convinced by that, you won´t mind getting the antidote, will you?”, Pansy asked. “After that, you can do… whatever you think is right then.”

Draco furrowed his eyebrows. But then he shrugged his shoulders.

“Doesn’t matter now anyway, does it?”

Pansy nodded.

“That’s what I thought. Now, you will go to Professor Slughorn together with Blaise and I will follow soon. Okay.”

Draco gave his friend a short nod. Blaise patted his back.

“C´mon mate. You´ll feel better soon.”

And then their ways parted, Blaise and Draco walking to Professor Slughorn´s office, Pansy to the Gryffindor common room.

In the meantime, you let yourself fall back into your wing chair, burring your face in your hands. You weren’t exactly mad at Malfoy, more at yourself, for letting you feel so confused by his actions. And the fact that Harry and Ron couldn’t stop laughing about it, didn’t make it better.

“His face was just hilarious.”, Harry snickered.

“Bloody hell, I wish I had a camera.”, Ron laughed.

“Can you shut it for a moment?”, you hissed, not having the nerve for their jokes right now.

Ron raised his hands in defence.

“It´s just Malfoy (Y/n). Probably he is laughing his ass off right now. Don’t give him the satisfaction of making you feel like this.”

“Feel like what?”

“Guilty.”

You brushed it off. But Ron was right. You could still remember the hurt you had seen in Malfoy´s eyes when you had told him you didn’t love him. Your head was screaming at you that he was fooling you once more. But your heart told you otherwise.

“What do you think, Mione?”, you asked your best and smartest friend.

Hermione hadn’t said anything yet, just staring at you, lost in her thoughts.

“That was unusual.”, she said after long hesitation.

“Don’t you say.”

“No, I mean, I don’t think he was trying to make fun of you. I think he was honest.”

“You don’t actually think Malfoy´s in love with (Y/n)?”, Harry asked, furrowing his brows.

Hermione shook her head.

“Probably not. At least that´s not what caused this behaviour.  But maybe he thinks he is.”

You stared at Hermione when suddenly Professor Slughorn's words echoed in your head again. “Powerful infatuations can be induced by the skilful potioneer.” So what if someone…

“You mean, someone smuggled love potion into his foot?”, you asked in disbelieve, feeling your heart drop at this thought.

Hermione shrugged her shoulders.

“Love potion, a powerful curse. Something like this.” She turned to Ron. “Your brothers are selling some love potions, don’t they?”

Ron shrugged his shoulders, now looking not so happy anymore.

“I think so. But mostly just create a small rapture. And it vanishes after a few hours.”

You just prayed this was also the case here. If Hermione was actually right and someone had actually poisoned Malfoy. But let alone the thought he actually had a thing for you, even if it was due to a potion and even if it was Malfoy, and you had treated him like this, made your stomach ache. No one deserved such a rude put-down. Not even him.

“I should probably go and find out.”, you sighted.

Hermione nodded in agreement.

“Do you want me to join you?”

But you shook your head.

“I think I´ll be fine. And if he wasn’t poisoned or hexed,”, you added with a fierce expression on your face, “he should better start running now before I´ll get him.”

But just as you got up, one of the other Gryffindors approached you.

“(Y/n), there´s someone waiting for you outside the common room.”

You nodded thankfully. You didn’t know whether you hoped it was Malfoy or not.

But it wasn’t Malfoy. It was Pansy Parkinson. And the look on her face made you suspect nothing good.

“What is it?”, you asked straight away, not in the mood for Smalltalk.

You could see her shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other before she said: I might messed up something.”

And on your way to Slughorn´s office, she told you everything. How she had been so tired of your constant bickering and how she thought it might be fun to mess the two of you up a little bit. How she had faked her non-well-being in class to give Blaise the chance to steal some of the Amortentia. And how they sneaked it into Malfoy´s drink this morning, not thinking it would get out of control to a point where he didn’t want to live anymore without you.

You were obviously angry at Pansy and Blaise for doing something that stupid, but also mad at yourself for not noticing the situation. But mostly you were concerned about Malfoy, hoping he got to Slughorn unharmed and hoping the Professor would be able to help him.

When you reached the office, Slughorn was already waiting for you.

“Very well, Miss (Y/l/n) and Miss Parkinson.”, Slughorn greeted you. “Mr Malfoy and Mr Zabini are already waiting for you.”

In a lower voice, he added: “Please be gentle with Mr Malfoy, Miss (Y/l/n). He is currently very unstable.”

You just nodded and Professor Slughorn let you enter the room.

Malfoy was sitting on a chair in a corner, slumped down. Blaise Zabini was standing next to him, clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

When Malfoy raised his head and saw you, his face lit up for a second, before he sank back down again.

“I´m sorry (Y/n). I didn’t know you would be here. I didn’t mean to bother you again. I´ll just leave.”

He wanted to get up, but you quickly stepped in.

“It´s alright Mal… Draco.”, you said, forcing yourself to smile. “You don’t have to leave.” But this didn’t seem to comfort him.

“You don’t have to be so nice to me. I know you are a gentle person, but you don’t have to lie to me. I don’t deserve your compassion.”

But he had it. You felt terribly sorry for the boy in front of you, looking so broken because of you. No. This wasn’t because of you. This was because of Parkinson and Zabini.

“I didn’t lie Draco. I mean it. I want you to stay. Pansy had told me what happened. I´m not mad at you. I want to help you.”

Slowly, Malfoy looked up to you. You could see a small spark of hope glimmering in his eyes again.

“But you hate me.” “I don’t hate you. I just don’t like you very much. I mean I didn’t.”, you were quick to say when his face fell once more. “I didn’t like the things you did to me and my friends. But I think we might deserve a second chance, don’t we?”

Draco nodded eagerly.

“Anything you want (Y/n). I promise I´ll try my best to make it better this time.”

Even though you knew it was just the potion speaking and not him, you couldn’t help the warmth that flushed over you at his words.

“I think it might be a good first step to let Professor Slughorn help you with this… situation, don’t you think?”

Draco was quick to agree. You smiled smugly, but when you turned around to the Professor and saw his face, you immediately knew something was wrong.

“I´m afraid it won´t be that simple.”, he said. “Normally the antidote of a love potion is a hate potion. But due to the fact that all those Weasley love potions had been smuggled into the school, I´m out of those.”

You sighted.

“And how long will it take until you brew some new?”

“This takes some time. I have already started to brew some a few days ago, but it won´t be finished until next week.”

You looked at him in disbelief.

“Next week?”, you echoed, leaning to the wall next to you.

“Oh but no need to worry. The effect of the potion won't last that long. It will start to vanish very soon. Until the antidote is ready, Mr Malfoy will be himself again without any help. Right now, his obsession with you is very strong and controls everything he is doing, but it will start to fade within a few hours. Then he will still think he is in love with you but will be able to control his behaviour again.”

You sighted. Only a few more hours. You could do this. Just separate yourself from him and wait.

“He shouldn’t be left alone until, well at least tomorrow. And since it is the fault of the two of you he is like this”, he said, now addressing Parkinson and Zabini, “I assume you will take care of him in this time. I will think about what I will do with you after this. Stealing such a dangerous potion after I just warned you. I am very disappointed in you!”

The two students looked quite rueful, mumbling an excuse.

“Now off you go. And take care of your friend. If something feels strange, just get back to me.”

Blaise nudged Draco, so he would get up since he didn’t listen to the words of the Professor, busy with admiring you standing here, in the same room, looking so effortlessly beautiful and forgiving him for everything he had done in the last few hours. Oh boy, he loved you even more for this.

Before you left, you addressed Professor Slughorn once more.

“Professor, how long will it take maximally until he is normal again?”, you asked.

Professor Slughorn looked at you pitiful.

“It depends on the attraction of the target of desire and the relationship between the two of you. I think he will be mostly fine again tomorrow. The latest the day after. If any feelings are left then, you can tell me after our lesson. Then I will check him once more.”

You nodded and smiled thankfully.

“Thank you, Professor.”

Draco and his friends were already waiting for you outside. Everyone looked at you, quite overstrained with the situation. You cleared your throat.

“Well, I think I´ll leave now. If something is wrong, you know where to find me.”

But just as you were about to turn around, Draco spoke up again.

“(Y/n), wait.”

You took a deep breath and stopped.

“What is it Draco?”

“You said you wanted to give me a second chance, didn’t you?”

You cursed yourself for saying that earlier.

“I think so?”

“Well, maybe we could spend some time together then. To get to know each other, you know?”

Draco threw you a shy smile, making your heart beating faster.

“I´m not sure if this is a good idea…”

“But I do. I know I actually love you (Y/n). I don’t care what the others say. It´s not that stupid potion. I just know it. Please give me a chance. I´m begging you.”

You sighted. But maybe it was better to stay with him for some time. Just as long as he had calmed down again and wouldn’t do something stupid. Well, as long as you wouldn’t say something stupid.

“I still have some homework to do. We can meet in the library in half an hour if you want to.”

Draco nodded eagerly.

“I would love to. This is going to be great!”

You highly doubted this but smiled anyway. After you said goodbye to the three friends, you went back to the common room, to grab your books.

Half an hour later, you were at the library. You had quickly told your friends what had happened, earning some laughter from Harry and Ron, and some disapproval from Hermione about Pansy´s and Blaise´s behaviour. You had made them promise that they wouldn’t follow you, since you suspected this “date” would be awkward enough without your best friends laughing behind your back. Hermione had promised you, she would take care of the boys while you were gone.

Now you saw Draco already waiting for you, some books in his hand, waving at you in excitement.

“Hey (Y/n)!”, he yelled, making some students turn around, confused by his friendly tone and the bright smile on his face since everyone knew how much you hated each other.

But you just ignored them and returned his smile.

“Hey Draco. Ready?”

“For you? Any time?”

He smiled stupidly, making you laugh.

“Let´s go then.”

Studying wasn’t that easy when you had someone watching you the entire time. Because that´s what Draco did. Instead of doing his homework, he had placed his arms on a book on the table and laid his head upon them, looking at you in admiration. The only thing he had been helpful with was your potion essay since Draco was actually way better in this class than you. But then he fell back into his state of staring at you. At some point you gave up, trying to learn anything, while you felt his grey eyes lingering on you and started a conversation with him. When Draco started to relax it was -apart from many cheesy compliments- actually quite fun to talk to him.

And when the library closed and it was time for dinner, you found yourself being a little bit sad that the time with him was over already. But you thrusted this thought aside. Tomorrow, Draco would hate you again and everything would be back to normal. It was better if you wouldn’t start to enjoy the time with him at all than missing it in the future.

When you said goodbye, Draco smiled at you sweetly.

“You aren’t that bad you know? For a Gryffindor I mean.”

You couldn’t help but laugh genuinely. This was the first mean comment he had made since the whole thing started. And Godric, you had missed it.

“I like you way better like that, you know that Malfoy?”, you smiled.

His cheeks flushed.

“If I would have known that I wouldn’t have bought you flowers.”, he mumbled.

He raised his hand to brush a loose strand of hair behind your ear, before leaning in for a kiss, but you quickly took a step back, leaving him embarrassed.

“Love potion, you remember?”, you said, trying to keep your face from heating up.

Draco nodded. Then a cocky grin appeared on his face.

“Wait, does that mean you would have kissed me if it wasn’t for the potion?”

Now your face definitely reddened.

“Keep on dreaming Malfoy.”, you grumbled.

“Oh I will (Y/l/n)”, he laughed.

“Well, see you tomorrow I guess.”

“Yeah, see you.”, he smiled. “And (Y/n)?”

“Yeah?”

“I´ll still love you then, no matter if the potion will still be working or not.”

You threw him a small smile.

“We´ll see about that.”

“What do you think? Does he still think he´s in love with you?”, Ron asked for the hundredth time this morning, making the knot in your stomach only tighten.

“I don’t know Ronald.”, you hissed.

You had slept badly that night, Draco´s last words still echoing inside your head. You didn’t even know why you were thinking so much about it. By now, the effect of the potion had most likely disappeared and you would go back to normal. Or at least you would try to.

“But you will find out soon.”, Hermione said, when she saw Draco standing in front of the Great Hall, looking around as if he was looking for something. Or someone.

“I think I´ll…”

You made an ungainly gesture into his direction. Your friends grinned.

“Have fun with your boyfriend.”, Harry grinned.

You just rolled your eyes, ignoring his comment, before you left your friends and headed towards Draco.

When he saw you walking to him, Draco´s face lit up. You could see it from a few meters away, even though he tried to hide it.

“Hey.”, you said, smiling carefully, slightly scared of his reaction.

“Hey.”, he smiled back, his cheeks flushing.

“So… how are you?”, you asked.

“You mean if I am still in love with you?”

You nodded.

“I´m afraid I am. Seems like this stupid potion is still working.”, he mumbled.

You raised your eyebrows in surprise.

“So you think it´s the potion now as well?”

Draco just shrugged his shoulders.

“I mean it has to be, doesn’t it? We never got along and the fact that I suddenly feel like this for you…”

He didn’t dare to look into your eyes and looked at his shoes instead. You didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed at his reaction. A part of you was glad he had finally realized his feelings for you weren’t real, but there was a small voice in the back of your head telling you that you wouldn’t have minded if all of this had happened for another reason. But you brushed it off.

“Well, at least you sound more like yourself again.”, you tried to cheer him up.

Draco scoffed.

“Not like a love drunk idiot anymore?”

You couldn’t help but laugh.

“Something like this.”

Draco looked at you with an unknown intensity in his eyes.

“Your laugh is still beautiful, you know that? I´m wondering how I could ever not see this.”

You couldn’t help but bush.

“Seems like the effect hasn’t totally vanished yet.”

“Maybe I don’t want it to.”

“Why so you could follow me around like a puppy, not capable of controlling your emotions?”

“No, so I can be around you without you telling me how much you hate me.”

You swallowed hard.

“I don’t hate you Draco. I never did. We just never got along that well.”

“Well, I wish we would have. Then it may not have taken a potion to make me realize how I feel for you.”

“Maybe we should talk about it when you´re not under the influence of said potion anymore.”

“Why? Because you´re scared that I might do something stupid if you tell me now how you really feel? That you don’t like me the way I like you?”

And for the first time in your life, you didn’t know what to say to Draco Malfoy.

For the rest of the day, it felt like Draco had some strong mood swings, his real personality fought against the effect of the potion. At one moment he made some cocky remarks, making you think he was normal again, but in the next moment, he looked as if he wanted to kiss you right away, assuring you, that his feelings for you would never change.

But five minutes later, they did.

“Honestly, this is worse than any roller coaster.”, you sighted, when you finally gathered around the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room with your friends in the evening.

“I think it´s kinda adorable.”, Ginny said, with a small grin on her lips. “I think you two would actually make a great couple. Maybe we should mix both of some potion into your cereals every morning.”

Harry laughed at her comment.

“I think maybe we don´t even have to.”, Hermione responded, smiling as well.

You raised an eyebrow.

“What are you trying to say, Mione?”

“I´m just saying that the effect of the potion has by now nearly vanished, but Malfoy is still all over you. And you didn’t consume any potion at all and you´re still nice to him.”

“I can´t risk him doing something stupid just because I have been mean to him, can I?”, you scoffed.

Hermione shrugged her shoulders.

“By now I don’t think he would anymore. At least not because of the potion. When you talked to him after dinner, you two looked perfectly normal.”

Even though you hated to admit it, Hermione was right. If you wouldn’t know how Draco was before he had consumed the potion, you would by now just think he was truly into you. He was still nervous around you, making you some compliments, but just as many sharp comments. You felt comfortable around this version of Draco Malfoy. The one who was nice to you, but still able to keep up with your sense of humour. You wouldn’t have been able to stand him as this foolish hopeless romantic boy he had been yesterday, but the version of him that smiled proudly when he realised his sarcastic comment had made you laugh, made your heart somehow beat faster.

“Don’t tell me you started liking him (Y/n).”, Harry said teasingly.

But soon he realized, that his comment might have not been that wrong.

“I don’t like him. Not at all. It´s just… It´s all so confusing.”, you tried to explain. “But Professor Slughorn had told me that the effect will be gone completely by tomorrow.”

“And if it doesn’t?”, Hermione asked.

“Then he told me to reach out for him once more.” “No, you got me wrong (Y/n). What if this isn’t about the potion anymore?”

“Don’t be foolish Mione. Of course, this is about the potion!”, you snapped.

But the thought of Draco actually liking you in the long run as well, made your heartbeat fasten.  

The next time you saw Draco was shortly before potion class started. He was already sitting at his place, fiddling at some of his belongings.

You took a deep breath, trying to prevent your hands from shaking, before walking up to him.

“Draco?”

The boy in front of you froze. Slowly, he looked up at you.

“How is it?”, you asked.

But Draco just looked into your eyes, completely mesmerized.

“Draco?”

“Mhh?”

“How do you feel?”

Draco shrugged his shoulders.

“Don’t know.”

“How can you not know?”, you asked confused.

“Damn it, I´m not sure (Y/n)!”, he snapped back, clearly tensed.

But then he sighted and leant back in his chair.

“I… When I woke up this morning I thought it would be better but when I just saw you… It´s probably not normal that I still think you´re the most perfect human being, is it?”

You could feel a single butterfly in your stomach area, carefully spreading his wings, flapping one or two times.

“Probably not.”, you mumbled. “We should ask Professor Slughorn about it after the lesson.” “We better do. I don’t want those stupid feelings affecting me any longer.”, he grumbled.

After the lesson, you waited until most of the students had already left the classroom. Then you went to Professor Slughorn, Draco following you, secretly admiring your light walk.

“Professor?”

“Ahh, Miss (Y/l/n). Mr Malfoy, how are we feeling today?”

Draco just shrugged his shoulders, refusing to answer.

“I´m afraid the repercussion of the potion is still visible.”, you explained to the Professor.

Slughorn nodded.

“Well, well, dear boy. Tell me what you´re feeling. What is different than before?”

Draco hesitated for a moment, before he answered.

“I… I´m not sure. It´s not that bad anymore, but I still have… feelings.” He pronounced the word like a sickness. “(Y/n) and I were never exactly close but now… I can´t stop thinking about her. I mean I know it´s just because of the potion, but I feel this strong urge to be with her all the time.”

Draco´s voice was low as if he was embarrassed by what he had just said. You could feel the little butterfly in your stomach now fluttering around, exploring more and more of the room inside your torso.

“Do you still think you love her?”, Professor Slughorn asked.

Draco slowly nodded.

“Very well, let´s see.”

Professor Slughorn raised his wand, mumbling some incomprehensible words, but nothing happened.

After one or two minutes, he stopped, nodding knowingly, while a small smile spread across his face.

“My dear boy, I´m afraid I won´t be able to help you with that.”

“What? Why? You are the potions master. You are a teacher. You are supposed to help me.” Draco´s voice sounded harsh, yet also desperate.

“This has nothing to do with the potion anymore.”, Professor Slughorn explained. “Its effect vanished hours ago. There are no unusual traces of magic to find on you.”

“That is impossible. I can still feel it. Do it again!”, Draco demanded.

You could hear the panic in his voice. You, on the other hand, were just standing still, your thoughts were racing. A second butterfly joined the first one. Slughorn put his wand back into his pocket and smiled at Draco patiently.

“There is nothing to do anymore Mr Malfoy. If you say you love our lovely Miss (Y/l/n) here, then I have to tell you those feelings are coming from nothing else but yourself. You simply fell in love.”

The Professor chuckled as he saw the shock clearly written on your faces.

“I think my job here is done. I might as well leave you alone.”

“Thank you, Professor.”, you mumbled, when Slughorn left the room, unable to tear your gaze apart from the boy in front of you, whose eyes were still fixed on the point the potion master had been standing.

For a few minutes, neither of you said a word. Then, Draco cleared his throat.

“That has to mean nothing. Probably only some aftermath. Just like you said.”

You nodded.

“Just like I said.”

Slowly, Draco turned around and locked your gaze with his. You could see the insecurity shimmering in his eyes.

“I still hate you, just like I did before. I was just tricked into loving you.”

“You hate me just as much as I hate you.”, you agreed.

Draco stepped closer until the tips of his feet nearly touched yours and you could feel his hot breath on your face.

“I´m just confused. Because you had been so nice to me lately.”

“So am I.”

You looked into each other’s eyes, completely hypnotized. Draco raised his hand and gently brushed over your lips with his thumb.

“There is no way I actually want to kiss you.”

“There is no way I would let you.”, you whispered under your breath.

His lips brushed against yours.

“We will never be anything but enemies.”

“Obviously.”

And then he pressed his soft lips on yours, cupping your cheeks with his big hands, while you returned the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck. An entire army of butterflies was now set free in your body, flapping in excitement, making your whole body tingle.

You didn’t know how long you were standing there, embracing each other, but when you finally pulled away again, your lips were swollen and your breath heavy.

“You have no idea how long I wanted to do this.”, Draco mumbled against your lips.

“Since your friends sneaked some love potion into your drink?”, you suggested, making Draco chuckle.

“Maybe. But maybe even longer.”

You hummed in agreement, brushing with your fingers through his soft hair.

“I think I might actually love you.”, Draco whispered, still caressing your face with his hands.

“What about nothing but enemies?”, you teased.

“Oh, we still are (Y/l/n). But that doesn’t mean I can´t be madly in love with you, can it?”

You furrowed your brows, acting as if you had to think about it for a second.

“I don’t know Malfoy, can it?”

“I could also send you a bouquet of roses once more if you need proof…”

“Don’t you dare.”, you laughed.  “You´ll need another way to convince me, I guess.”

As a response, Draco pulled you close once more, his kiss this time even softer than the last one.

“Convinced.”, you smiled, when you pulled away again.

“Maybe Slughorn was right.”, Draco said. “Maybe love is the most powerful feeling in the world.”

“Didn’t take you for a softie.”

“I´m not.”, Draco said, sounding slightly offended.

You laughed.

“Even if you were; I love you just the way you are.”

Draco raised an eyebrow.

“You love me?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Don’t you say.”

“Oh just shut it.”

“Well, make me Malfoy.”

Taglist: @xodracomalfoyxo @marigold-morelli @writingwitch007

[chu-diaries]

100 days of mental healthcare: day 28/100

Today I woke up around 5 am and it was really cold… I’m glad today is the last day of this cold weather. I did a yoga practice with my cat (if you have a cat you know how difficult it is to practice yoga) and after that I played Stardew Valley. After breakfast I went to a doctor’s appointment and when I got home I cooked lunch, did more laundry and studied the book “Mythology of the Orixás” by Reginaldo Prandi.

My husband's grandmother fell yesterday so we went to visit her and I was very happy to see that she is ok. Also, her backyard is completely decorated with festive June flags. If you are Brazilian, you know that Festa Junina (which we could translate as June Fest but I don’t think that explains much) is the best seasonal event of the year. If you're not Brazilian and don't know what I'm talking about, just imagine that it has the same impact to us as Halloween has for foreigners.

I made some very important decisions today. As my therapist hasn't helped me at all, I decided to stop going to therapy. I've been making good progress maintaining a consistent exercise, sleep and eating routine, as well as creating my own means of self-observation and emotional regulation. I realized that talking about my problems weekly in session without guidance from my therapist was worsening my psychological situation, while on my own I am more easily identifying my triggers for anxiety attacks. I'm very happy with myself. I eventually want to write here what I'm discovering about myself and share techniques that are working.

🩸: day 2/28

💧: didn’t track but I’m sure I’m dehydrated now 👍🏻

🏋🏻‍♀️: 30 min yoga + 30 min workout

🧘🏻‍♀️: 5 mindful breathing cycles

🎮: 🚫

📚: hp and the order of the phoenix

🎧: Padilha chegou - aldeia de caboclos

📺: 🚫

🛑: 12h pick-free

💊: took all my vitamins

[velvet-games]

intro post

I'll probably add more to/change this later; I've just needed an intro post for a while, and this is what I could think of. you should probably remind me to update it if this section is still here after like six months lol.

name/pronouns/age/gay shit~

honestly you can call me whatever, but I probably won't know you're talking about me unless you use vel/velvet.

prefer they/it; any pronouns are fine.

I'm probably non-binary I guess.

I'm an adult.

I basically just identify as queer at this point, but I'm like,, vaguely aroace-spec probably? still figuring it out. I'm actually very happy to talk about it more specifically, but I might have to sit you down for an entire day to explain it lol.

what I do/post~

I mostly post fandom stuff, and my original posts include a lot of art + occasional meta. I'm starting write fic too, so that might be a more regular thing in the future :)

other accounts~

@/velvetygames -- explicit nsfw twitter/x account, not very active

@cornerbytes -- old dragon prince account that I will probably revisit when the new season comes out

@/velvet_games -- ao3 account

nsfw~

I post occasional nsfw here (never super explicit; that's saved for my twitter); it'll be tagged #nsft.

fandoms~

current fandom: hazbin hotel

previous fandoms:

hannibal (will always have a very special place in my heart)

arcane (will revisit when the new season comes out)

ofmd (literally so happy this exists; devastated it's not getting a new season)

the dragon prince (will probably revisit when the new season comes out)

good omens

lotr (I also read like 2/3 of the hobbit and will hopefully finish it this summer lmao)

things in media that make me go insane (in a good way)~

friendship

happy endings

cannibalism

(WELL-WRITTEN) romance (THAT RESPECTS THE CHARACTERS AS INDIVIDUALS AS WELL AS WHO THEY ARE IN RELATION TO OTHERS)

surrealism

good visuals (even if everything else is shit; extra points if it's animation)

angst

fake-hating

this one's weird but I love situations where a character is really helpless; I thought I liked whump because I can be borderline sadistic about it sometimes, but whump is really not necessary at all to this concept

religious stuff, mythology, angels specifically for some reason (especially when they're terrifying and/or fallen)

gay people

requests~

you are welcome to send in ideas through comments, DMs, asks, etc., but I can't guarantee I'll draw them. if I don't, it doesn't mean that I don't like your idea; I'm probably just busy or have too many brainworms about a specific thing to draw anything but what's on my mind.

notes~

I randomly get really anxious about feedback on stuff sometimes lol, but I promise I read every single comment/tag and cherish them very deeply <33

also, like/rb spamming is totally fine and welcomed! I know some people don't like it, so I just wanted to make it clear that it's completely cool with me.

mutuals~

for a really long time, this was my pinned post, and it's still true! definitely welcome any interactions from mutuals <3

I do have a problem with randomly ghosting people though; I've been much better with it recently, but please try not to take it personally if I don't respond to DMs quickly. I'm probably just being insane and in my head about it. I'm really sorry.

misc~

this is an account that is purposely removed from my irl stuff; I'm here to have fun and relax on my mostly fandom-oriented blog.

I don't block often since I mostly meet nice people on here, but I am very happy to block accounts that make my experience on this app shitty.

I try to tag triggers when appropriate, but please let me know if you need me to tag anything I haven't.

art for me is just a hobby I use for fun and self-expression, so while I really appreciate concrit, keep in mind that my goal is ultimately to make stuff that makes me happy.

I am also very protective of young artists that get made fun of for being beginners or making unconventional art; you should never assume why someone is making art, and you especially should not assume that they are focused on becoming more skilled or making things that are beautiful to you. if they're not hurting anyone and you're not their target audience, get the fuck out.

I am of the mindset that media is not real, but that your reaction/the things you learn are. liking cannibal media does not make you a cannibal, but seeing bigoted portrayals of minorities can feed your biases (doesn't necessarily mean you can't consume it; does mean its effect on you/others irl should factor into if/how you decide to interact with it).

I'm vaguely fucked in the head. just keep that in mind.

[ineffabeatlemindpalace]

How Our Flag Means Death impacted my life

It’s been said so many times but the impact this to show has had on me is beyond comprehension. I am still living in the aftermath. Every day, I cannot grasp my luck of finding it and loving it. Hyperfixation or not, it’s been a while so I conclude it is safe to be put as a special interest by now; to care so much about something that makes you feel good and understood, is utterly important to have, I have realised.

My experiences in other, different, fandoms on Twitter as a teenager, have been very different and I guess it has something to do with growing up and learning more about yourself as much as it has to do without approach and handling of it all – we are all here for this show and we are damn grateful for its existence. We do not take it for granted and so we lovingly create more art and thereby put more love into the world. Isn’t this what life is all about? Adding care and love.

Coming back to my point, ever since starting to watch Our Flag Means Death, I have had this inner sense of calm inside of me, which I never had before.

It is hard to explain but I did notice that my sensory issues, especially misophonia, have been less of a problem. And that is huge. There is one noise source in particular, which is the fridge, if you want to know, but it can be triggered by anything, and I have been struggling with this for many years… There only has to be some trigger, such as the wind howling too strongly or any other sound, really, and I feel like the world is going to collapse because every thing gets too loud and too much.

Now, for a few months, it hasn’t been like that. It was almost scary at first due to the unfamiliarity of the absence of, well, mental pain…

Regarding the show’s successful portrayal of queerness – yes, that has been life–changing for me as well.

I have identified as nonbinary as long as I can think. I vividly remember this specific moment from my childhood when I was sitting there, on my own, thinking, I do not feel like a girl, I do not feel like any gender, I just feel like myself. It’s a strange memory to have but it was so vivid that I treasure how it stuck with me.

When I was a teenager, I never had any romantic, God forbid sexual, interest, except for the occasional crush on a boy or girl, which naturally made me conclude that I was bi or pan. As of today, I am still not feeling any of these attractions. However, as I explain in this post, some kind of attractions have been felt. One thing is clear, if I do feel anything beyond, it would be for any gender.

The show basically says, whatever, we’re all queer, and that is so beautiful and validating to me because my family and other surroundings are so heteronormative that I often question my validity and worth.

There have barely ever been other queer people in my immediate surroundings, which means that acceptance or even understanding is not something that I would expect.

In hindsight, this is a big part of why I always struggled with confidence and self-love.

There is a lot I could write about my family history but I will just shorten it to, I did grow up without a father from the age of 7 and my relationship with him is rather torn.

I am so moved by how they decided to give Ed and Stede these backstories regarding their relationship with their fathers and families and portray these issues in such a delicate and serious manner and how they can impact your whole life.

I am thankful for how serious they have taken all of these things.

These are characters that have experienced similar difficult upbringings and are struggling with the consequences into their adulthood.

I have never gotten an official diagnosis but from my childhood experiences and later struggles in life it is safe to say that I am neurodivergent. The relationship with my mother is very difficult as well, which definitely played a part in how I never understood that some of my behaviour and so on was a result of being different in that way instead of deliberate. During my childhood and teenage years, there have been instances of different kinds of abuse, however I will not elaborate further.

These struggles are always individual and personal but I will just say that I do suffer from the fear of being abandoned and yes, it makes maintaining relationships, such as friendships, challenging.

Because you constantly feel like you do not deserve anyone caring about you or enjoying your company. Genuinely, I have never believed this.

Even if I have learned to like myself more and be confident in my abilities. I still feel like a burden whenever I am with someone else. It doesn’t go away. Part of it is due to struggling with social cues as well as the general preference of being alone.

And I do enjoy my own company. But it would be nice to one day find someone I can fully trust and freely share my thoughts with.

Basically, what Ed and Stede have found in each other… and I guess what makes them so different to other ships is not only that they are actually a canon couple but the way they are so natural and gentle with each other?!

They accept each other wholeheartedly.

They see each other in such a genuine way… unconditionally. Not without hardships but always with such a willingness to make it better, to keep fighting, continue to live for the sake of love and love only.

Another serious struggle has been my eating disorder (anorexia) which (along with overexercising) lead me to have secondary amenorrhea for many years, which in turn, was a very blissful thing for me due to gender reasons. A big thing that has happened shortly after discovering the show has been my period coming back. My reaction was denial, then anger, then determination that I would not let this bring me down…

The show did ground me in that emotionally, I have handled it, somehow, and carried on.

I am so thankful for it all and much, much more.

There is so much to say and never enough words to express my gratitude. This show means something different to everyone. Everyone finds bits and pieces in it which make them feel the same kind of appreciation and love and this is just my share.

If you’ve made it to the end, thank you, dear reader. Sending you a warm hug, if that’s alright with you.

[raccoonfallsharder]

I read recently that you answered a similar question, so I wanted to ask you for some advice with description in general, (character actions, description of environment or scenery, what is happening at that moment, etc) I have a lot of problems with this. If I want to describe the scenery, I don't know what else to say besides the color of the sky xD I've always had that problem and when I read what I write I feel it's very basic and childish.

For example, I wrote something like this, "The weather couldn't be more perfect, the sky was clear with not a single cloud obstructing that deep bright blue, the breeze was so soft it caressed my skin and the waves were gently lapping." So I read this and I say, how boring, I feel like I'm not connecting with this, and it happens to me mostly when I want to describe a person's actions, for example, if they are smiling and then someone says something to them that bothers them, how they react? I don't know how to describe it.

So I wanted to ask you for advice because since I read your first fic I thought "this is it, this is what I want to get to with my writing" I hope you don't mind my asking and I hope you're doing great, I always read all your fics even if I don't comment <3.

sweet little sugar snap pea. ♡ first of all, you are so lovely and kind. thank you for honoring me with this ask. it's a privilege and i am really grateful you think so well of my writing. truly, it means a lot. i took some time to think about this because it was important to me to give you a real answer. i'm also gonna come back and reblog this later with some thoughts on writing peoples reactions/perspectives? for now, i'm just going to focus on writing environments, if that's okay? sorry i just write too fucken much all the time ꃋᴖꃋ ♡♡

so as always, i'll preface this with the reminder that everyones' writing style is unique and brings something precious to the table, and while we can always grow and enrich our writing, what you create is wonderfully you. what we want is for you to figure out how to tap into your own style more fully, more authentically, and more clearly. i don't think there's anything wrong with the excerpt you shared, and i can also see where you might want to make it more identifiably you.

here are some things that have worked for me personally:

firstly: i take out my "telling not showing" sentences. i might draft it with the sky was perfect, but on revision, i usually remove it because it's too heavy. i don't want to tell my reader that the sky was perfect. i want them to interpret it from how i've described it. i don't want to say the kiss was good - i want them to know what it tasted like or the way it made their nerves pop and snap and sizzle. i don't want to say he had beautiful eyes - i want you to be able to see his eyes, like warm caramel or copper pennies. you don't even need to replace a sentence like the sky is perfect - you can just remove it entirely.

secondly, when i'm stuck in a rut, like, "oh, i've described a sky like this a hundred times", or even, "i've read skies like this described a hundred times," i honestly just do some writing exercises. the result is that i'll either find a description i like, or i'll create new material to use at a later date - or i'll just get practice thinking about things in different ways.

so let's take this sky example from your excerpt: the sky was clear with not a single cloud obstructing that deep bright blue.

i might ask, "what tangible thing is this sky like, and what would i want to do in it." then i try to reframe it so i don't use a direct simile.

the sky was an ocean

the sky was so deep and clear you could dive into it and not surface for days.

i might ask, "what other senses can i use to experience this sky, beyond sight." (taste, smell, sound, touch)

the sky was empty and clean

you could breathe that sky in, and your lungs would only feel crisp and bright, and everything would smell like water lilies for the rest of the week.

i might try to describe the sky from the perspective of something else in the scene.

this seems like maybe a beach because you'd mention waves so I''m gonna say there are seagulls

the seagulls wheeled in the sky, getting lost without any clouds to serve as landmarks.

i might say, what is the emotional quality of the scene? when the character looks at it, what do they feel? what does it make them want? i think you want this scene to be calming but we're gonna try a bunch of different emotional lenses:

calming: they could have wrapped themselves up in that infinite blue, and called it home.

harsh (angry/in shock): he stared at the sky. he'd never realized how severe and sharp it was, without any clouds to soften the edges.

grief: she wanted to lose herself in the cloudless blue. drown herself in it.

as a sidenote, i'm thinking of Wyndham; or, the Intergalactic Prometheus ♡ in which the thunderstorm sky is described as bruise-colored and rotten at various points when pearl-reader is miserable/afraid, and as rippling watercolor when she's feeling more relaxed. even the same sky takes on different qualities depending on the mood of the person experiencing it.

i might just say "fuck this sky; i'm gonna write a new one." sometimes this is fun because you get to see how the environmental/atmospheric tone changes the feeling of the scene.

it was storming: the purple clouds formed a quilt overhead, stitched through with lightning. the waves responded in kind: shattering softly on the shore, reflecting ribbons of swift-moving light.

jk it was foggy: the world was so misted over that he couldn't tell where the water ended and the sky began. the world was simply endless and dove-gray.

i also might just be like "i'm just gonna write something really weird and figure this out later." you've got a really rich scene here - gently lapping waves and a clear blue sky? you could do something weirdly symmetrical with them. like, between the sea and the sky, everything was so deep and blue that you couldn't tell if the soft hush of the waves was coming from above your head or at your feet. just play around with reality tbh

honestly i try to shy away from "advice" because everyone's approach needs to be tailored to them, but i would honestly say starting with some writing exercises is a great way to just explore your own style and how you want to think about things. other things you can do is literally go outside (or wherever) and close your eyes and really try to focus on every single sensation you're experiencing, and then write about it. fill pages. what did it remind you off? when you felt the breeze and it caressed your skin gently, did it also move the little hairs on your arms? did you feel it in places you don't normally pay attention to, like on your shoulders or the back of your neck? what did it smell like? what did it taste like? if it didn't have a taste, what would it taste like, if it did? do this whenever you can, in as many experiences as you can. sunrise at a beach. sunset on a mountaintop. golden hour in the deep woods. in front of a bonfire. at a park on the swings at midnight with friends. alone in a hot tub under a 2am snowfall. if you can't physically go there, imagine it. sink yourself into the daydream so deep you don't want to leave, and then just write. and write. and write. every sentence you put down, add one more. make it weirder, stranger, zoomed out, zoomed in, from a different perspective, a different sense, a different metaphor.

okay that's all for now and i know it's a lot and i'm sorry, but i hope it helps give you a place to start? and i will try to get back to you on writing reactions and facial expressions when i can parse through all my thoughts on those!

[thelonelyme]

♡ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ ᴍᴀʟʟᴇᴜs ᴅʀᴀᴄᴏɴɪᴀ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ [ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴs]♧

.

𝐆𝐚𝐦𝐞: ディズニー ツイステッドワンダーランド[Twisted Wonderland]

𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐨/𝐢: Malleus Draconia, mc, Lilia Vanrouge.

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭: Malleus finally understands that Mc isn't in love with him, but it's all an illusion. [mc x Yandere Malleus Draconia]

𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭: Hey if your req still open can you do headcanons of yandere malleus dealing with DID reader ? Like reader have two personality that contrast to each other, one personality is so sweet and gentle + affectionate. Never disobey him and always play a good role of a queen but the other personality is harsh, aggresive and always curse him saying they hate him and one day they will destroy everything Malleus's have.

𝐀𝐕𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐙𝐄: FEM. READER. In this post, there is the presence of D.I.D. [Dissociative Identity Disorder], so I warn anyone who feels triggered by this theme to scroll. Yandere content, threats, physical and psychological violence, misogyny, depression, mental illness, torture, gore, mention of rape, allusions to suicide, split personality, violent personality switches.

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐬: @dearestsugar, I hope you like the work, I took a bit more than I thought, and for this I am very sorry. Stay healthy, please &lt;3. I must say that I had more than a few "problems" while writing this, I had never received such a request, so I wanted to make it as realistic as possible. I will not claim to have written a work where people with this disorder can identify without feeling "teased" or without feeling that what is written is alienating, but I hope I have at least entertained someone. Btw in here I decided to write this by Malleus's p.o.v. (kinda).

•Malleus at first would have been extremely combated between loving you unconditionally and forcing you to stop with that bratty attitude. He loved, desired and wanted for himself all the disgustingly sweet attentions you gave him, drinking from your mouth every word of sweet honey of affirmation and holding you against his breast constantly, clutching so strongly your shoulders to leave marks on your delicate flesh, fearing that at any moment you could treat him as a futile monster that had deprived you of your freedoms; and while part of himself would keep repeating that your behavior was finally the fruit of all those professed love sessions, that it is all the result of true love born in a dark castle, all you could do was scream and despair deep inside the labyrinth of your mind.

•"Shh, don’t worry, that bad person is gone. There’s me now, there's only me, and I love you so much that it hurts to see what I've done."

•The high fae wanted to firmly believe that there was only good in you, that every time you suddenly threw horrible words at him; that every time he dared even approach your beautiful figure you would start attacking him with words and actions, destroying not only yourself in the process, but also weakly breaking the bubble of false beliefs that Malleus so much loved to surround himself with. Such a painfully sudden change, almost making you look like another soul in the body of his beloved, as if someone had cursed your mind to force you to behave in that atrocious way.

•"My dear, my love, my thorn, tell me who cursed you. Tell me who even dared touch you with a spell. Tell me and I will burn him in the most fiery flames that he can ever create; tell me and I will make every single piece of his worthless and disgusting flesh melt into a pool of disdain and suffer every pain hell can have; tell me, and I’ll make him regret being born, so I can avenge you. Tell me so I can save you." "So you would make me suffer?" You would have shouted in your thoughts, not understanding what had happened, confused and terrified because he had taken you to the deepest cells of his castle, making you face the suffering and devastated faces of servants who flexibly stretching their arms, were thrown back into the narrow space. You could no longer listen to the screams of agony that had now become a persistent cacophony and somehow even louder and sharper as you walked in and trembled beside Malleus, feeling gagged inside your stomach and feeling breathless as you watched.

•You didn’t know what the hell happened. One moment you were in the cells and the other in your sumptuous room, surrounded by doctors, among whom you could distinguish an orderly red hair, making you mutter carelessly and weakly the name of Riddle.

•Malleus, on the other hand, would be even more convinced that one of those despicable slaves had done something to his beloved, deciding then that he would torture everyone, not leaving any alive. He knew that person who was now yelling at him wasn’t you. He knew that it was "the other", as you two had dubbed her in one of your meetings about this curse, which at that moment was throwing all kinds of swears and impurities. He knew that not only from the change of approach, but also from the fact that you were threatening him to let you go and stop treating you like you were grout, constantly repeating that you didn’t feel bad at all. It was almost as if you had two different souls, but he knew very well that it was not possible in any way; thus making his beliefs even more compact. You were cursed, there was no other way.

•Once you loved him, you cuddled him and gave yourself to him gently, gently putting your beautiful hands in his hair, holding him against you while you were sprinkling your love to each other, while a second later you would wiggle violently, as if you were terrified at the time. He could see and feel the confusion and fear in your voice as in your beautiful eyes before they were immediately filled again with the same pure hatred that he had now learned to ignore. That look almost reminded him of those moments when you would be woken up by him from one of your afternoon naps, but that curse had ruined everything.

•It was making his life difficult, to say the least. As the decades went by, your "curse" kept getting worse and worse, and with it even the sudden disappearances of the servants continued to grow, reaching the point where you changed waitresses every week, and didn’t even get attached to anyone. Leaving you alone to constantly contemplate every void you had.

•You couldn’t remember most of your days, and Malleus was always talking to you like you knew what was going on. Obviously you would have indulged him because of your ever-increasing confusion and distraction, not knowing that what he was constantly asking for were confirmations. Confirmations that amused Lilia to condemn the weak humans who worked in the castle.

•For the black-haired fae, the situation was extremely entertaining. Being a trusted guard of the most powerful monarch at the time and his adorable queen by his side could be compared to watching an interesting film, like those he watched in the various theaters. He found exhilarating your expressions of genuine confusion after one of your usual personality changes, both good and more.. turbulent.

•He knew exactly what your fragile human mind was going through: He knew full well that what you were unwittingly doing was a protection mechanism. Your mind had fallen so far into the abyss of depression that to preserve itself, it created two different... people. He still remembered when you refused to eat any kind of food, at one point he and Silver even had to temporarily paralyze you to eat.

•You were going to die, you know? But thanks to the seven, your body didn’t get damaged. At least not too much. Or when with extremely childish behavior you refused to interact with anyone other than yourself, or when you had completely surrendered to your husband’s care. You didn’t answer to anyone, but still let Sebek and the others touch you, something that your normal self wouldn't absolutely allow; you were still like a delicate rag doll. And Malleus, not noticing that huge problem, would continue to drag you to various fights and public events; if he hadn’t pointed it out, he would never have even noticed.

•But even that problem had been eradicated, leaving Malleus extremely worried and glued to you for the next few decades.

•But this time, it seemed to him that the situation did not put in extreme danger the happiness of his monarch and yours, although he would keep an eye more often on the part of you that continued to remain stubbornly tenacious: he knew that as a human, you really couldn’t do anything, but those constant threats of suicide and death to the young fae would keep him near you.

•And for the sake of his amusement, he would add even more fuel to the fire while continuing to confirm the fears of the young monarch that you were under the spell of an ignoble being hiding within the walls.

•And while Malleus would continue to treat you gently despite you repeatedly trying to escape, the commoners and wealthy families continued to comment on the lovely royal couple.

•Malleus knew it wasn’t you who was talking, he knew that every time you threw disparate insults at him, he didn’t have to take such behavior seriously. Soon you’d be back to normal, and for now, he should just keep treating you like you treated him.

•Deep down, a small part of you kept hoping that with all the caresses and the love with which you held and warmed up in bed every night would somehow make you "remember" who you really were.

•He would continue to send to death any servant who was suspected of being the charmer. After all, the only person he cared about the most was you, and he wouldn’t have stopped at all in front of a stupid human, let alone pulled out during the act of killing. He would do it with pleasure, knowing that it would help you and him, fill him with extremely satisfying euphoria, love to think that those people were real obstacles to your relationship. Even though they were innocent people who had found themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time, he would still consider them innocent.

•"Fuhuh, you know you have such powerful power in your hand and you can’t even use it? A man who is willing to kill, conquer kingdoms and colonize the entire Twisted Wonderland for you is not enough?"

•Your life would be a continuous inner fight: part of you wants to run away and make that monster suffer in every possible way, that wants to disobey him in every way, whether it’s about etiquette or whether it’s about refusing to look after your little heirs; while another side in stark contrast, just wants to make your husband extremely proud of you, that you notice yourself and that finally after all those hours of work can give you the due attention that should have been due to you, a part who wants nothing more than to be loving and kind to that poor soul who was almost destroyed for you, who felt guilty for every fae or human your husband killed, and who did everything for the good of his family.

•While all you did was stay caged inside yourself, not being aware of your cruel actions and your love for Malleus.

•Your life would be a constant question mark. You wouldn’t remember why you were holding a long rope in the royal garden, nor would you remember why you were gently and gently massaging the tight shoulders of the fae, enticing them to mutter faintly and then go back to sleep. You would never know how the two sides continued to sabotage each other: the "cursed" part of you would continue to devise a way to finally leave this cursed kingdom and all those who lived there, while the other "kind" would constantly ruin every escape, By subconsciously sabotaging... Yourself?

•You don't know anymore.

•Obviously, each person in the castle would witness your much more frequent personality changes, seeing for themselves the brutality with which you changed from one moment to the next: one moment being kind and courteous and the other rude and disgusted even only by the poor servants who followed every rule of that selfish lizard.

•And while your life had quickly turned into hell, Malleus, blissfully unaware, would continue to firmly believe his beliefs: by now he was certain, he had repeated it so many times that he had mistaken that little false theory as an absolute truth. He would adorn you with jewels as expensive as your entire body- even after you destroying them out of sprite; he would praise you in the most sincere manner possible as you did with him, and let you sit comfortably in his lap in the throne room while you continued to have a persistent illness.

•"Shh, shh, don’t cry my love. Everything will end, everything will end. Shh, don’t cry love."

•And after years and years of unsuccessful research by your loyal husband, that little part of you that still contained your true personality, the real you, not those two copies that were bossing your brain around, but you- would slowly disappear, forgotten and overwhelmed by the other two intruders who occupied your body.

•"What a brutal... What a sad end for such a beautiful woman, such a young and respectable woman, so intriguing as her, reduced to nothing but an empty shell occupied only by two impostors. Worse end than simple death. But as long as my king is happy, so am I."

•Losing to yourself.. poor soul.

[ms-m-astrologer]

Transiting Mercury enters Libra

Wednesday, October 4 - Sunday, October 22, 2023

(At age 65 I am officially elderly and a senior citizen - my Gemini Sun is a bit horrified; my Aries Moon and Scorpio Ascendant are delighted - perhaps this is my first real burst of “get off my lawn” energy, but lately I’m getting very impatient about long posts on my Tumblr dashboard. So as not to be even more of a hypocrite than I usually am, I’m going to start using the “keep reading” function more frequently.)

Back to quickies for the second-speediest planet-type thingie (the Moon being swiftest). And this is something I think we should all be grateful for - all of the transits through Libra this year, have been and continue to be very challenging.

The goals of a Mercury transit through Libra are to calm the mind - to wrap our heads around seeming paradoxes - and to truly listen to other people whom we trust and love. Remember, we just went through two-plus month’s worth of Mercury/Virgo multitasking, worry, and criticism! Simply put, our brains require balance right now. Where and how this all can go wrong:

Learning - we’re lazy students; we don’t (want to) put in the effort. Going for that “gentleman’s ‘C’,” instead of doing our best. We turn away from harsher realities - if we’re prone to wearing rose-colored glasses, we probably have them permanently attached.

Thinking and reasoning - can be cold and judgmental; Libra is represented by a machine, remember. We’re too “logical” for our own good, and can rationalize away anything our consciences niggle at us with. And again, we don’t want to spend time on “unpleasant” matters. We’d rather ponder the superficial.

Communication - we tell people what (we think) they want to hear; we express ourselves too pleasantly, or conversely, we’re too addicted to arguing; because we don’t want to “rock the boat” we fail to express anything uncomfortable - anger, dread, etc. (Actually, most of us do want to rock the boat, if not outright capsize the damned thing - it’s the consequences we want to avoid.)

My recommendations:

Meditate, even if it’s a stolen half-minute in a locked toilet stall.

Identify whom you do trust - if the answer is “nobody” then find someone - open up to and be honest with them, and listen humbly to what they have to say in return.

Most of us listen in order to respond, not to understand. Google “active listening skills” and put them into practice.

I don’t consider Libra a cowardy sign by any means - Eleanor Roosevelt, for example - for in pursuit of fairness and justice, Libra can and will stand tall and brave. We need to remember that we’re always working towards the ultimate outcomes of fairness and justice - it’s a difficult and sometimes dangerous path - and it can be done.

Another difficulty: this entire transit takes place during the “shadow of the eclipse.” It may bring up some issues we can’t clear up and resolve until after the “shadow” ends on October 31. By that day, Mercury will be halfway through Scorpio, and much more empowered and able to work through its problems.

Thursday, October 5 - Mercury/Libra inconjunct Saturn Rx/Pisces. The first little sign of adjustments needing to be made. Some authority problems; we may have to let something go.

Saturday, October 7 - Mercury/Libra square Vesta/Cancer. Lack of focus - or hyper-focus; if there is a topic we’re really interested in, in a scholarly way, that’s all we want to think and talk about.

Sunday, October 8 - Mercury/Libra sesquiquad Uranus Rx/Taurus. Some kind of delay in getting what we want - perhaps we bit off more than we could chew. If we’ve been intellectually lazy, &/or glossed over things, it bites us in the butt.

Tuesday, October 10 - Mercury/Libra semi-sextile Ceres/Scorpio. Write down any deep thoughts or insights; we can address them and work through them when Mercury and Ceres are conjunct on November 4. (Spoiler alert: that’s going to be an intense day.)

Thursday, October 12:

Mercury/Libra semi-square Juno/Leo

Mercury/Libra conjunct Pallas Athene/Libra

Mercury/Libra inconjunct Jupiter Rx/Taurus

We have a really intriguing idea but (1) partners disapprove &/or (2) the timing is off. Just because an idea is intriguing doesn’t mean that it’s also good!

Friday, October 13 - Mercury/Libra sesquiquad Saturn Rx/Pisces. Eclipse eve. More delays, though in time we may reconsider the delays as being blessings in disguise.

Saturday, October 14 - Mercury/Libra opposite Chiron Rx/Aries. Eclipse day. This might manifest as an argument, or a sudden hurtful realization about ourselves or someone else.

Tuesday, October 17 - Mercury/Libra inconjunct Uranus Rx/Taurus. An adjustment we really resist having to make, especially if it’s difficult or “icky.” As we tend to have to do come election time in the US, we’re forced to choose “the lesser of two evils” and not “the best.” This distresses and disgusts us more than usual.

Wednesday, October 18 - Mercury/Libra semi-square Venus/Virgo. Mercury and Venus are in mutual reception - in each other’s sign - which strengthens what would otherwise be some petty, unimportant annoyance. Take some deep breaths; it’s temporary!

Then all hell breaks loose, on Thursday, October 19 - Friday, October 20:

Mercury/Libra opposite Eris Rx/Aries

Mercury/Libra opposite North Node/Aries, conjunct South Node/Libra

Mercury/Libra inconjunct Neptune Rx/Pisces

Mercury/Libra conjunct Sun/Libra (aka the “Superior Conjunction”)

Mercury/Libra square Pluto/Capricorn

Our ways of doing Mercury are blasted. This not-new situation (something we’ve avoided or procrastinated having to deal with) can manifest as accusations of being “too sensitive” - or “too insensitive.” Someone is screaming, we don’t like it, and we’ll do anything to stop it and shut them up. We discover that we’ve been manipulated - or someone discovers that we’ve manipulated them. Really, really dreadful news, which we could have lessened (if not prevented) if we had only had the ovaries/balls to do something about it sooner. We can’t see any of it clearly.

The resolution to a t-square can be found via the sign not represented in the main action - in this case, Cancer. We need to be a little more tribal. What’s best for the tribe? How can we nurture and protect the tribe? We need to be more sensitive and responsive to the other people in our “families;” life does not have to be all about only ourselves and our egos/vanity, all the time. It may be wiser to go with our guts, for a while.

Remember: Mercury’s transit through Scorpio will enable and empower us to address these issues successfully.

[studyhaus]

Article Review - DNA Testing and Hacking

Here are five points summarizing my reflection on this BBC Future article:

1. Hacking of genetic data is very much possible as is with other types of data. What makes this more serious is the fact that your genomes cannot be changed, unlike a bank account number or credit details.

2. Genetic data, in the wrong hands, is vulnerable to being misused to spread radical messages and target communities. This is especially because ethnic details are easily identifiable.

3. Companies in this sector of DNA testing have not had the best track record of upholding data security for their customers. Basic safety features for confidential information like two factor authentication (2FA) have only been recently implemented, considering that the data being handled is incredibly sensitive.

4. The problem with consumer genetic services is that they are largely data-focused. At the end of the day, these companies could be bought by corporations where the information held could be used as an intellectual asset to be shared or traded with other parties. This reduces your genomes to be just value-adding numbers for an entity.

5. Yet, the fact that genetic data, when processed, can reveal much about a person’s lineage timeline or diseases that they can prevent beforehand cannot be denied. This is the reason why this sector of business is blooming. It is when the same particulars can be used to reject insurance or treatment that we can see how big of an issue their confidentiality is.

This was an interesting article from start to end and I think it was a good warning for readers interested in engaging in DNA testing to see the implications that it could pose for them. Good writing.

Disclaimer: This is purely a concise reflection on the points presented in the article. These are not my opinions at all. I am only posting knowledge.

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