#i don't mean that me and my therapist are chill

[angelosearch]

it's Tuesday my dudes so it's time to have popcorn for breakfast, do all productive shit before my therapy appointment, pay someone to make me severely sad for an hour and then spend the rest of the day recovering. LET'S GOOOOOOOO

[11cupid-tarot11]

How would your future spouse treat you on your moon cycle? <3

I was having such bad cramps when this question suddenly hit me and I figured we'd all love to know, right? Even though I get very cranky and like to be alone during my time of the month hehe.

1 -> 2

3 -> 4

Pile 1- Wheel of fortune, queen of wands, queen of swords.

So this person will literally try to pamper you, whatever that may look like for you. I'm hearing they'll respect all of your boundaries and will grant all of your wishes, they're very supportive. I'm hearing they don't like seeing you in pain and they understand how uncomfortable this time frame is for you.

I think this person is naturally caring and easily can read human emotions and they're giving therapists vibes tbh like they could work in that field or maybe for some I'm picking up on massage therapists, this person just seems like they know humans enough like maybe they studied it or it could just means they've studied you so well they know what you need (I said 'want' at first but was directed to switch it to 'need'. Someone's fs here likes being in charge lol) . Either way, I think they'd love to be your massage therapist around this time. I'm hearing anything to make you feel good.

THEY WILL LITERALLY TREAT YOU LIKE A QUEEN, pamper you, spoil you.

I'm hearing for some, around your moon cycle you get mood swings maybe? Your entire energy changes enough for this person to catch on and they'll know before/when you're on your period because of this. Maybe you're usually very chill and calm and around this time you're just more cranky than usual like me lol and your person will try very hard to just make sure your okay and not taking their head off? Lol, the way your person talks is very funny, they're very funny and so so sweet!

I think this person will treat you so well simply because they love you, you're their baby and they respect you so much. You're literally their queen. They love you so so much 😍 they want me to leave this rose emoji for you 🌹 (I think they're very giving, it's just in their nature 😭)

Other messages- my sweet girl, lots of chocolate and warm towels, hugs and I'm picking up on those who would rather be left alone for moments at a time they understand, they'll check up on you occasionally and will still be very affectionate (u can't refuse their hugs I'm hearing no escape lol 🤣😭 they're very cute. I think they like compliments? They might blush and smile a lot?) The type to randomly kiss ur forehead or cheek when ur literally just ✨chillin✨ just because.

Let me know how it resonates in the comments below! Leave a suggestion for the next pick a pile!

Pile 2- Ace of swords, temperance, the fool and the hermit.

So I think this person actually doesn't know much about a women's cycle, I think for a specific few they're the only child or maybe they just didn't grow up around a lot of feminine energy so this just isn't their field but I'm hearing they'd try damn hard to make sure everything's okay!

They'd follow your lead on this, like they prefer to maybe watch you from afar during this time? Like sometimes they don't know if they should bother or if they could help at all so they'll probably just straight up ask if there's anything they can do. This person isn't immature about it, but they do feel a bit awkward during those days? (I'm actually dying at ur person, they hardly know how to describe anything?)

Okay, for example, say you're having very bad stomach cramps and you've been in bed all day complaining, they would probably let you stay in bed as long as you'd like and would peek their head in the doorway to silently check up on you because they don't know if they should disturb you or not.

I think they'd love it if you just told them or ask for anything you need, I think they'd rather you rest and use them as a servant 😜 (ur person wanted me to add that, they felt very serious until now? I'm dying) until you feel better, they'll try different approaches tho, I don't think it'll always be this awkward. I think when you two have been together for awhile they'll pick up. I think then they'd mix up their own home remedies, and their own strategies by now, they're not very specific on what this could be or what it could look like because I think this person doesn't really want you to know?

They really want you to feel cared for and like they're there for you as much as possible so they're constantly thinking of new ideas for you!

This is not an 18+ reading and take it how it resonates but I think a very selective few wouldn't mind having intercourse on their moon cycle? 👀

Let me know how it resonates in the comments below! Leave a suggestion for the next pick a pile!

Pile 3- Death, Ace of coins, The tower, Page of wands

This pile feels different, I was getting the energy of your person being shy and excited to have their turn for the reading 🤣 maybe this person isn't someone who you see romantically at first, could be a roommate a friend but you do know this person or they will come into your life at some point and you guys will have some kind of friendship from the start. It's giving secret admirer tho.

With the death card I'm thinking y'all could've just made it official, it feels like this is something new to them. Maybe it makes them feel a step closer to you? They think it's very cool you're trusting them enough at a time like this. They really value it.

I think they'll be the type to really go all in, ask you probably 20x a day "What do you need?" I saw that scene from Aladdin, when the genie is explaining how tired he is of being in the lamp and he's like "What do you need?Poof! What do you need? Poof!"

This person is trying to charm you and maybe show you they really care for you by doing this, I'm hearing 365 days a year they'll be like this tho, not only when you're on your moon cycle. I think they want you to be vulnerable with them or can't wait to see more vulnerable sides of you.

Let me know how it resonates in the comments below! Leave a suggestion for the next pick a pile!

Pile 4- The moon, Kight of coins, Temperance, Kight of swords.

My pile 4's energy is different, I think this person could be older than you? This person overall isn't someone who's very cuddly or could even be very hard to read so moments like these really show that side of them in their own way?

For example, say you ran out of pads but your stomach hurts too bad to go get them yourself, your person wouldn't be thrilled to shop in the women's section but for YOU they will, they'll go get your pads and make sure they're the right size and everything (I'm hearing he'll literally call you and ask what size he should get).

They're very serious when it comes to you, they have dedication and it shows in the oddest ways possible.

So for your time of the month they'd be very chill about, the other piles felt all jittery and nervous like they were scared to mess up but your person is smart, he'll break down those walls for you, if you just want to cuddle in bed they'll hold you as long as you like. I'm hearing they're actually kind of "softer" at the right times (I'm sorry I can't think of a better word right now)

You'll love how this person will treat you and your needs and I'm hearing symptoms as well, they're very comfortable and reliable. He's like your big giant teddy bear! 🧸

Let me know how it resonates in the comments below! Leave a suggestion for the next pick a pile!

[munsonluhvr]

THE DEAL

pairing: drug dealer!eddie munson x reader

word count: 1.1k

warnings: mentions of drugs/dealing, cussing

author's note (!): I don't know if it should be a nsfw part 2 or sfw? Let me know what you guys would want, please!!!!

installments: part 1 | part 2

You cross your arms across your chest while you sit on the picnic bench. Out in the distance, you see the baseball team making their way onto the field that you sit behind, in the wooded shade. School has just been released and you’re waiting for your weekly appointment. 

You huff, bending over to conserve some of your body heat; the weather had suddenly dipped into a solid chill, which is emphasized by the gusts of wind that whip around. “Why does he always have to be late?” you mutter to yourself, annoyed by having to wait. 

Off to your left you hear the cracking of sticks, and you see the figure of a person walking your way. It was Eddie Munson, the person you were waiting for. 

You stand up, arms still crossed. “Jesus Christ, Eddie. You sure know how to make a girl wait.” The wind blows, tossing your hair around you. Your fingertips dig into your arms as a chill drives through you. 

Eddie coos, shaking his head. “Sorry, y/n. Hellfire Club stuff.” Eddie steps over the roots of trees that are pronounced on the ground, and he makes his way towards you. His eyes grazes over your body and you take notice. “You didn’t have to wait for me.” 

“What was I supposed to do? Leave? You’re the one with the lunchbox full of drugs.” You say sitting back on the picnic bench, tucking your legs in to face the other side. Eddie comes around the picnic benches other side and sits down, placing his black, metal lunchbox on the tabletop with a clank. 

Eddie laughs, unlatching the lunchbox. “That’s right, I know you love what I have.” 

You laugh sarcastically, ignoring his slight sexual reference. “I only like your drugs, let’s not get things twisted.” 

Eddie pauses, putting a hand to his heart. “I’m so deeply hurt, y/n. I thought we were heading places.” 

“The only place I’m headed is home with some weed, now show me what you have today.” You say, lifting up to peek inside his lunchbox. You hadn’t smoked in several days, having run out of your stash earlier than anticipated. You were stressed with school, and you just needed to relax. Today was the only day Eddie could meet you to do your weekly exchange. 

“Fine, fine,” Eddie says, plucking a few small, plastic bags from the container. “How much do you want?” 

“An ounce, maybe two?” You say, watching Eddie’s ring-covered fingers fiddle with the bags. 

Eddie looks at you, frowning. “That’s more then you usually get.” 

“Yeah, well I have more stress then I usually have right now.” You say, propping your elbow up on the tabletop. Eddie combines one bag of weed into another, estimating that there was close to two ounces in the small, clear bag. 

“Want to talk about it?” Eddie says, looking at you curiously. 

You scoff, rolling your eyes. “Did you go from drug dealer to therapist? Not a chance. How much?” 

Eddie eyes the bag, lifting it up into yours’s and his eyesight. “How about thirty-five, I added a little discount for all your stress you’re going through.” 

“Don’t patronize me,” you say, leaning forward to slide your hand into your pants pocket. “Some discount, by the way. You took off, like, three dollars.” You pull out the money Eddie requests, splaying out the bills in front of him. 

“I’ll raise it back to nearly forty if you want since my discount means nothing to you. I also gave it to you because you happen to be my favorite customer.” Eddie says, putting his elbow on the tabletop and resting his chin into his palm. 

You roll your eyes again, moving the paper bills towards Eddie. “Oh, I’m sure. I count down the days until I see you again.” You say, taking the plastic bag from Eddie. “Isn’t Chrissy Cunningham one of your clients now? You’ve always liked her.” 

Eddie closes his metal lunch box, locking it swiftly. “Oh, y/n. Chrissy Cunningham has nothing on you.” 

You scoff, tucking the plastic bag into your jacket pocket. You swing your legs over the bench seat, moving to stand up. “Goodbye, Eddie,” you say, tossing a glance at Eddie. 

“Wait, wait, wait.” Eddie says, leaping up from his seat to follow you. “I actually had something to ask you.” Eddie slings an arm over your shoulder, bringing your side into him. 

You look over at Eddie, slightly amused by his confidence to get physically close to you. “And what is that, Munson?” You walk side-by-side out of the woods, Eddie’s arm still around your shoulders, and you catch his scent which smells lightly of cologne and cigarette smoke. Your eyes flutter at the scent. 

“I was thinking,” Eddie says with a pause. You hum for him to continue. “-That we should do our little weekly deal at my house next time. Perhaps you could stay longer afterwards, and we could hangout or something.” 

You feel a smirk coming across your mouth. You and Eddie had been somewhat friendly, always taking pleasure in sarcastic, playful banter but by no means were you friends. You had friends in common and had been in the same classes at some points. When you picked up smoking, you were referred to Eddie by your friends and you began to frequently meet Eddie to buy from him. Seldom did you dive deep into conversation with Eddie, you only delved into surface level conversations, the common simple pleasantries. Only recently did Eddie begin to linger a little longer, silently requesting for you to stay in his presence a little longer and share little pieces of information about yourself. 

“Or something?” you say with a laugh. “Are you trying to fuck me, Munson?” 

Eddie lets go of your shoulders, his eyes growing wide and his cheeks growing pink. “No, that’s not what I meant.” Eddie catches himself becoming embarrassingly flustered and tries to regain his composure. “Unless that’s what you want.” 

You playfully shove Eddie with another laugh. “You wish, Eddie.”

Eddie laughs, coming back to stand next to you. “No, really, I just thought it would be nice to get to know each other outside of the few minutes we meet a week. If you’re interested.” 

You hum again, folding the thought over in your head. Eddie seemed like a nice enough person. He’s edgy and interesting, always seeming to have a flock of freshmen that admire him. Sure, there’s rumors about him and what his club get up to but aren’t there rumors about everyone? You decide to see what Eddie Munson is all about. “Sure,” you say. “Next week, same day and time?”

Eddie nods, glancing at you with a smile on his face. “Yeah, I can drive you over to my house if you want.” 

You nod, glancing over at him too. You catch his eyes and for the first time you really look into them; they’re pretty and brown. “Great. I’ll meet you in the parking lot.” 

[snyder-side]

I am not exactly sure if this classifies as an Au or headcanons since Trolls Band Together was kinda short and for the life of me I kinda hate when movies are rushed and we get the cut scenes afterward only as a storyboard(I also tend to like the concept art more than the official art)

But enough of me ranting and more into me getting into what I think/want to happen to Brozone when the band split up

(I choose to call it their solo career)

John Dory(19):

Seeing John Dory's entrance attitude and smugness truly made me think yeah this guy is definitely full of himself and in major denial about some things and what really confirmed my suspicion was when he said "I was the oldest I had no choice but to lead!"

So for his solo career, I thought maybe he did some odd job like bounty hunting, or perhaps he played hero with a small town with a small population of trolls or some other anthropomorphic species. Of course, anyone he would save or any group of bounty hunters he'd join didn't like him because he enjoyed taking control of the situation so much or bossing everyone around. He never liked being alone but he kept driving people away, so eventually he knew solitude was his best option, therefore living in Ronda alone in a forest. He did feel regret for driving his brothers away but only because he knew he was more familiar with bossing them around than some random strangers he'd just met. He kept the mindset of "Why should I feel bad when they're the ungrateful ones!" and "All I've ever done was look out for them, and I stepped up when Mom and Dad died!" after those thoughts he couldn't help but think "What are you doing John Dory?"

Spruce/Bruce(17):

I thought it would be funny if almost everyone at his little restaurant on Vacay Island or should I say Brandy's restaurant...well her dads knew who "Bruce' really was except Brandy. I like to think Bruce went to vacay island because either his therapist or himself thought he should relax more so he went on a "vacation". He chilled out, gained a little bit of weight making him lose his six-pack, and most importantly tried to win the heart of Brandy because she seemed to be the only one not falling for his charm. Brandy played a tsundere type of approach when it came to all his advances on her, but then it all came to a game of volleyball as Bruce's way of showing his dedication to her, of course some of the other players used his small stature against him and he was getting his butt handed to him. He was only able to score a single point (IDEK how volleyball works) and the way he leapt into the air had Brandy star struck, the that that was holding his hair back snapped and he used nothing but shear will power to spike the ball. I mean sure Bruce lost but did he really? He got the girl in the end so it's all that counts right?

Clay(16):

(So I don't really have much for clay because I used most of my ADHD superpowers on the other guys and there's not too much I can go on from the movie)

Now Clay just looked around for jobs, it was retail, then tried working at some corporate building but it all didn't exactly work out because none of his co-workers took him seriously. Feeling out of options Clay walked aimlessly eventually finding Viva and the Putt-putt trolls, at the time imagined them looking more post-apocalyptic and slightly barbaric and frankly chaotic, Viva needed drastic help because she was just a little kid like Clay. Clay offered to help her mainly because he has a tiny bit of OCD (Saying this because of how grumpy he looked when John Dory went off and did his own thing and him practicing and worrying before Brozone performance.) and Viva thought/thinks so highly of him and thought of him as serious which is all Clay ever wanted so he just felt at home...and may or may not have developed feelings for her in the long run. Still, hey I've already got into a Romance segment.

I'm going to leave this here and not do Floyd because I'll talk about his little solo career journey in an OC ramble. (I have no shame.)

Thanks for reading have a lovely day!

[hangeslefteye]

What does your favorite Aot boy tells me about you/your romantic preference????

 100% shitpost,I'm no therapist feel free to disagree.Before scrolling down try to pick 1-2 of your fave(I know it's hard D:) +I ranked them from my fave to least.

REİNER:You just want to be held,comforted and appreciated.You seriously don't want any drama and rather share some sincere,deep emotions.You really appreciate when a man shows their vulnerable side and open with you.Just as you would appreciate a man's tears you'd also appreciate their strong masculine presence.Which you definitely seek some HEALTHY masculinity in a s/o as this makes you feel safe and loved.Also you want big boy hugs that will comfort you.

PORCO:You are most likely to have a mean flirting style but you are still chill and don't want any real fights in a relationship as you get heartbroken easily .You love it when someone keeps you on your toes without being a real asshole.This gives you healthy sexual tension.Overall you want fun, love and passion at the same time.You are KİNDLY playful yet emotionally intense.You hide your feelings with sarcasm A LOT.

JEAN:You are also a very emotionally intelligent person but you might be a little bit of a hopeless romantic.You love the thrill of being in love and anything that comes with it.You still appreciate cliche/cheesy romantic gestures.At love you might be slightly masochistical and platonic yet very adoring.You have big simp tendacies and you are dreamy.When you love,you love beautifully.Literally aesthetically.You live your love like an old romance movie which might come off fake or shallow to others but actually you internalize it A LOT.

ZEKE:You are mentally fcked up.You should seriously go see a real therapist rather than trying to cope up with dark humour.You might get attracted to slightly older and dominant men.You are pursuing a toxic love life that's dangerous.You have an apetite for toxic masculinity and controlling behaviour.You do this 100% on purpose because enjoy it and not by mistake but this can be risky.You LOVE mind games and get bored from anything soft hearted.After all what is love to you without a pinch of manipulation?

CONNİE:You are the most relaxed and down to earth person ever.It's important for you to be friends with your romantical interest because relationships just feels easier and more fun like that.You really want to be able to talk about EVERYTHİNG going on in your life unfiltered.Obvious flirting might make you feel uncomfortable as you prefer to keep it playful and soft hearted.Also you want your love interest 7/24 around you but not in a clingy way.That's why a somewhat childish friendly love charms you.

EREN:You like sterotypical toxic romance.The type where couples punches walls,screams and throws things.You think this is passionate and you love your men a little problematic.You are slightly masochistical and want some drama.You also feel things deeply and somewhat hot headed.You might have an interesting urge to cling onto emotionally unavailable men.Angry sex is possibly your way of emotional bounding.

ARMİN:If you like Armin because he's so calm and kind and sympatic etc. Sorry to say,you are a little bad at reading people.Because in reality he is quite capable of heavy manipulation and hide it behind his angel face.On this matter maybe he's even more dangerous than Zeke.If you realised this but he's still your favorite then you too love mindgames and passive agressive drama in a relationship.You think intelligence and sophistication is the sexiest thing about a love interest.You love subtle manipulation fights in a relationship.

For girls edition

[californiannostalgia]

Processing identity as a child abuse survivor

Recently I had a huge revelation. Come with me on this childhood trauma realization journey (if you want).

This post was written for those wavering on the 'was it abuse' question.

Fair warning, each of these revelations were a whammy. I recommend you keep in mind that these revelations will transform the way you see yourself and the world. This took me out of commission for hours at a time.

Revelation 1: Was I Abused?

Read this Tumblr post. Go down the list. Check the 'yes'es and 'maybe's.

'Was I abused' is a yes or no question. I need you to really think about this if your answer is 'kind of'. If you could be truly honest with yourself, what would your answer be?

For years I've gone to the logic of 'it wasn't that bad,' and 'at least the worst didn't happen,' or 'others have had it worse'. This is such a low bar. You deserve better than the bar your parents set for you. The socioeconomic circumstances and the normalization of violence in your living area? Yes, influential. But not a justification.

At the end of the day, the veracity of these statements don't even matter. It's a yes or no question: 'Am I a survivor of child abuse?'

It may take a really long time to truly process, and even then it might feel uncomfortable saying it like it's truth. I need you to know your truth is truth. It's a yes or no question.

Take a break. I recommend you don't progress further until you've processed Revelation 1.

(Shameless plug-in of my fandom blorbo interests: Rick Riordan's Trials of Apollo series really helped me with this first revelation. It made me feel seen and less alone. It may not be perfect, but I personally liked it!)

Revelation 2: What does this mean? (health-wise)

Listen to this Ted Talk by an expert (medical professional).

This is the part where I got angry and really fucking sad. Let yourself be sad. Let yourself be furious. Our life is not our fault and we're still stuck with this lot.

Genuinely this was such a shock for me to realize. The thing that has the biggest impact on my life is not my anxiety, depression, ptsd, insomnia, blood pressure, immune health, etc. The root cause of my physical and mental illnesses is Adverse Childhood Experiences.

ACE is more common than you'd think. Acknowledging that what happened to you was bad will be beneficial to humanity's survival in the long run. Like any illness, ACE can be fought at a societal level.

Take a break. I recommend you don't progress to the next revelation until you've processed Revelation 2.

Take your time to be angry and sad. Take forever. You never have to forgive your abuser, even if they change their behavior. The chance at a civil acquaintanceship you might be willing to extend to your parents doesn't require your forgiveness.

.

Revelation 3: Why is your therapist recommending you retell your life story?

This one is mostly for when you have steady access to a therapist. Here are some things I wish I'd known before seeking out therapy in the US.

(Is it shitty that you can't get therapy on your own terms when you're underage? Yes, it fucking is. To those of us who survived to adulthood: holy shit y'all. At 19 I felt like absolute fucking bullshit, like my brain was a burning ball of tangled barbed wire. It does feel absolutely shitty. But reaching 19 is an achievement.)

The thing is, I do or say a lot of things that I later come to think of as embarrassing, inappropriate, or in certain circumstances, potentially abusive. Genuine trigger reactions happen. I will always have to live with a piece of my parents in my head. But I don't want to do to another person what they did to me. Self-awareness is what separates me from my abusers.

What to do about this? Number 1: chill out. You're not gonna be your abuser. Humans are unique and imperfect. They have not replicated themselves in you. It's okay to make mistakes when you're talking or reacting. Your brain is fucked up. You can do something differently next time.

Number 2: read this article about Overthinking, Over-apologizing, Oversharing, and Overwhelmed as trauma responses.

Then read this article on how to deal with Unresolved Trauma.

Yeah. It be like that. Isn't it fucked up? Recognizing the four Os in my behavior helped me realize I'm not an antisocial asshole by default.

Unresolved trauma is the root cause for my behaviors that I think of as unhealthy. This revelation happened very recently for me. Before this point in time, I couldn't understand why I would want to recount traumatic events in therapy.

At this point in time, I have regular access to a therapist I'm okay with. Going over memories and deconstructing the blame system seems like a reasonable thing to try.

What happened to you as a child is not your fault. You're not the one who landed yourself in your life. You've been given an unfairly difficult situation to be responsible for. You did not create your coping mechanisms for shits and giggles.

So yeah. Number 3: figure out your life with the help of a therapist. Let's see where we are ten years later or something.

Nothing is easy and everything is confusing. Take a break, hydrate, eat, sleep, do something nice for yourself. Do something you like doing. Thanks for reading.

[rosietaeyongswife]

maps | jjh

genre: angst, fluff, suggestive, secret agent jaehyun x reader synopsis: Your husband was killed year ago by an unknown man. The griev and unsolved case kept you at night. After meeting your late husband's unfamiliar friend, you found new mission in your life. Find out who killed your husband Jaehyun. wc: 7.5k tw: cursing, blood, death, suggestive themes, guns, misscariage, grammar mistakes etc. au: it's been a long time lol there are still mistakes for sure, but i think i got better? at least i'm trying. hope you enjoy this. as always, i made it with jaehyun, because he literally fits every role??? peace yo

"It's been a year, move on." Your father sat down with a cup of tea in his left hand. "I love you, you're my daughter and I'm aware you loved him deeply. We all are. I mean, you can't ruin your life, because your husband got killed. I'm not saying you should forget him, I'm saying you should move on, Y/N. Please."

Seems like it's about 100th time your father brings the topic. Not even mentioning other people in your life. They could never understand the pain you feel. They could never understand how does it feel to lose person you've loved for so many years.

"How am I supposed to move on, dad? Tell me, how? I can't sleep at night, I have to go to therapy and take these pills that makes me weak as a bitch, and I don't even have an energy to talk with you, yet you're here telling me to move on?" Telling him all that felt relieving. Made you feel lighter. "You don't have any idea how it is. None of you! I don't want to see you or mom, coming here and acting as if y'all are my therapist."

"We're trying to help you, you're our daughter. We mean only the best for you, okay? Honey, you can't freeze in time and griev your whole life. Jaehyun wouldn't want that."

"Don't speak about it. You didn't even know him. Leave it, please."

Jaehyun was married to you for almost four years, and these were the best years of your life. You met at high school, then started dating at your senior year at college, and get married two years later. The job he had made your life harder. He was working for Korean Secret Forces, as an agent. High rank, excellent skills and results.

He was supposed to be go on a trip to Japan, when he got shot and killed. No one knows why, nor how did it happened.

"Y/N, you have still a lot to live. Being mean towards us won't change a thing. I'm leaving, if you need something, call us."

Cementary felt like your second home. A year ago, you used to come here everyday for two months, then lesser and now you're doing it once a week. Always brining candles or flowers with you. Your husband deserves to never be forgotten.

Crossing path, you spotted a man sitting by your husband's grave. Walking slowly to see who is it, you saw a face you've never seen before.

"Mind asking, who you are?"

Man turned around, and looked into your eyes. He was about 10cm highter than you, and had white, medium lenght hair. His gaze was strong, and gave you chills.

"You're his wife, right?" You nodded. "Jaehyun was a great man. I've never had a chance to meet you, and talk because of work, but I used to work with your husband. We were pretty close, I guess." He seems to be saying the truth, but you were bit taken aback. You knew majority of Jaehyun friends, but not him. "Jaehyun probably never mentioned my name, I am Yuta."

"Nice to meet you. My name is Y/N." You two shake your hands. "Is there a reason why he didn't meniton you?"

"Listen Y/N, I can't tell you much-"

"He was killed by Secret Forces, wasn't he? It wasn't an accident." You claimed while blankly staring at Yuta.

"How-"

"Jaehyun was too good for a rookie mistake, I'm sure he would dodge the bullet. Answer me honestly."

Yuta sighed. People way above him, or Jaehyun, made an awesome narrative. Most skilled and talented man of Secret Forces got shot by unknown man on his off duty. Unbeliveable lie.

"It for sure wasn't an accident. As I said, I can't tell you much. But I want you to be careful, it's dangerous. Jaehyun found something and it got him killed. I don't want you to die or to suffer, because of that. I promised Jaehyun to keep an eye on you."

Your heart almost stopped, and your vission was blurry. Of course, you had some theories on why did Jaehyun die, but mostly it was his postion in work. Many would kill for his job, and it'd be good reason to kill him. But now, as you're aware it wasn't it, you felt sick.

"What are you talking about? What did he find?"

"I can't tell you, because I'm not aware of everything. I'd suggest for you to not dig into it. Live your life, and don't look for anything, Y/N."

"My husband was killed, because he found something. He was killed, while we have expected the baby! He left me alone, hearbroken and lonely. Don't you think, I deserve at least the reason?"

"Baby? You're mother?"

Yuta was surprised, because he has been following you for months, since Jaehyun knew he was in trouble, yet he had never seen you with a child.

"I had a misscariage. It was thrid month, when Jaehyun died. Due to stress and everything, my body gave up. Awful times." You tried to laugh, but you failed. "I don't want to complain about my life, there's no point. I want the truth."

"Just leave it. Jaehyun died because of your co-called 'truth', so you better move on. Forget about me, and forget we met." Yuta made his way out of the grave, but he turned quickly. "I'm sorry for your loss. About Jaehyun, and your baby. Good luck, Y/N."

The first thing that came to your mind to call Jungwoo and Johnny to meet. Two of them were best buddies with Jaehyun, they had to know something. You demand answers.

"Do any of you know Yuta?"

Jungwoo and Johnny looked at each other, which was obvious for you - they do.

"Why you're asking?" Jungwoo chuckled. "I thought we were supposed to hang out and talk shit."

"I met him today. At cementary, at Jaehyun's grave to be exact." Johnny chocked on his saliva. "Why I had no clue about him?"

"What did he say?"

"Johnny, don't fuckin do it. Answer me, you two, now. I've been gaslighted for a year. Is it some joke to you? To play dumb around me?"

"Relax, it's not that deep."

"Answers."

"Yuta was working with Jaehyun for few months." Jungwoo stated as he was taking a sip of his beer. "He's japanese member of the crew. Yuta Nakamoto was working with Jaehyun on some project, extra secretive thing. We don't know what were they doing, though."

"So, what did he say?"

"Jaehyun found something that got him killed. I told y'all it wasn't an accident. I've known it was a murder. I knew."

"Y/N, you can't just believe in every word he says. We don't know him well, he migh've been lyin-"

"I believe him. Please." You rolled your eyes. "My husband wasn't some kind of a rookie, nope. He was the captain of his crew, soon to be officer. How couldn't he dodge the bullet? In the daylight? And the suspect have never been found. Sounds weird to me."

"There was an open investigation, and we were working hard-"

"Don't bullshit me, right now."

"Even if it's true, stay out of this. It's clearly something he wasn't supposed to know, and look. He's six feet under, now, sniffing the flowers from the other side." Johnny said firmly. The tone was suspicious, and you realize he was nervous. "Can we change the subject?"

Agony. You got rid of agony. In your life there's a new mission. To find the truth. You won't rest easy until you get to know what happened. Why did your husband had to die.

The lock of the attic opened. After Jaehyun's death, police came and took some of his personal stuff. You didn't give them everything, though. There must be something in his stuff.

After an hour, you didn't find much. Some rapports, evidence on minor crimes, suspects, scratches of something, to-do lists, and notes he used to make for you. As when you were about to give up, you found small piece of paper with a phone number on.

"What?" Male voice came from the other side. A bit cold, you'd say. "Who are you?"

"Hey, I am Y/N. Jung Y/N." Silence. "Jaehyun's wife."

"How did you get my phone number?"

"I found it. May I ask, who are you?"

"No, you're not going to ask me questions." Cold tone made you annoyed. "Jaehyun is dead, and here you are calling me. Why?"

"I know Jaehyun got murdered by his company. Please, I need to find the truth. I was looking for clues in his stuff, so I came across this phone number. I need help."

"I can't help you. I-"

"Please. I'll do everything."

Short silence made you believe, he's about to hang up.

"Meet me at 10. I'll send you adress. Alone." He sighed. "If you're from police, you're dead. See ya."

The adress seems sketchy as fuck, but you had to risk it. You felt like throwing up, because of the stress and everything that's about to happen. You were working as a private math teacher, not as a detective.

Area you're in, was abandomen long ago. There were only empty and destroyed buildings around, and not a sound of life around. Suddenly, you felt hands around you and on your mouth. Someone grab you, and took you in one of the building.

In front of you, were two men. One, black hair and bunny-like face, and the other one looked like a character straight from the anime.

"Are you a plug? Police? FBI? CIA? Secret Forces? SWAT?" You remember the voice, it's a guy who you've spoken to this morning. The guy with a black hair. "Answer us, now."

"No? The fuck! I told you, I'm Jaehyun's wife. I swear to God, I'm working as a private math teacher. I have no connection to police, besides my late husband."

"Taeyoung, check her ID."

They took your documents, and in fact, you wasn't lying.

"She's not lying. She's really Jaehyun's wife."

"Fuck." The other male sighed. "I told him to burn my phone number, dumb fucker. Why did you call? What do you want?"

"I want to know what happened to Jaehyun. I met Yuta today, I guess you must know him." They nodded. "I don't know if you're from Secret Forces, but you knew Jaehyun. The note wasn't in his offical case, why? Who are you?"

"I'm Kim Doyoung. I'm a hacker, and old friend of Jaehyun. We got few classes together back in college."

"And you?"

"Lee Taeyong. I'm his best friend, roommate and I used to be Jaehyun's plug."

"Jaehyun had a plug? Why? What?"

"I see you're confused." Doyoung softened. "Yuta must told you to stay out of this case, right? Why don't you listen? You need adrenaline? If yes, go to Bunjee jump. You want to get yourself killed?"

The way him, Taeyong and Yuta were so secretive made your blood boil. Also, the fact you had no idea Jaehyun knew them was even more annoying.

"If your wife got killed, wouldn't she want to know what happened? I demand answers. They can't get away with killing an innocent person."

"As if it was that easy." Taeyong sat down with a gun in his hand.

"You want answers?" You nodded. "Alright. But I don't guarante, you're going to be safe later. I can't promise that." You agreed without a word. "Jaehyun was a right man. He had his morals, and let's say, he didn't agree with few things with his boss and other assholes."

"He was in China, right?" Taeyong asked. "It all started there. During his stay there, and mission an innocent men got killed. He was chinese-korean, living with his wife and two kids. Provider of the family, and taxi driver. Jaehyun got told, he was super dangerous killer who killed around 10 korean soldiers in X Zone. The mission was easy. Get rid of the target."

"So he did. He and his people, including Jungwoo and Johnny. They had no idea, he was completly innocent guy. He was just a taxi driver, who wouldn't hurt a fly. The above wanted to get rid of him to show chinese mob, they don't care. Jaehyun got to know by accident, because he overheard his boss talking about it."

"It turned out, they killed more innocent people. He found corruption, and more evidence on illegal cases in the company. Doyoung hacked the system, and I asked the right people." Your brain was trying to process what they were saying. "There was a case of files tittled with his last name. They planned to get rid of evidence, and frame Jaehyun to become a hitman. Cruel killer, who killed innocent guys."

"What?"

"Jaehyun told them to turn themselfs in. To go to a trial court. Before he even told them, someone snitched on him. We don't know who, but they knew. The above ordered to kill him as soon as possible. I believe it must've been someone from his team. They can't be trusted, Y/N." Doyoung sighed. "Not even Jungwoo, or Johnny. We have no idea how much they know."

Your world was spinning around, and many more questions come with it. It felt as if your life got ruined in seconds. Your husband was always someone, who people looked up to. He hated discrimination, and lack of justice. He knew too much.

"But Yuta is alive."

"Jaehyun never mentioned Yuta. We're sure, they tortured him before getting on that street and shooting him. Someone was supposed to tell the truth, but Yuta can't be another one killed."

"Jungwoo and Johnny, they know?"

"They have to know." Taeyong said with a smile. "Think. They were close, if they didn't then Jaehyun wouldn't trust them. Who knows. Maybe they killed him."

There's no way. Jungwoo and Johnny were best friends with Jaehyun for years. They could never hurt him, not saying about killing him. They weren't capable, were they?

"I need to find the killer, and the evidence. I'll end what Jaehyun has started. I don't care, I have nothing to lose." You stood up, still overwhelmed by all the informations. "Even if it means, I'm going to die. Jaehyun didn't deserve to die."

"Y/N, it's danegrous. You can't put yourself into danger, because of grief and rage. Think about it. You can still get your life together-"

"No. I need to do it for him. And I need your help."

That night, you couldn't sleep. All you was thinking about was your hsuband and guys he was working with. There is no turning back now, you're going to get your revenge. No matter what. But the only thing couldn't let go. Yuta was keeping an eye on you for months, and yes, you had theory someone was following you, or stalking. Few times, you've spotted a shadow in your house. Some car passing your house three times a day. But you could swear to God, the shadow or sillhouete you've spotted was taller than Yuta. Yuta was about 5'10, while the person you saw so many times was for sure taller. Could Jaehyun sent someone else too?

After you left, Doyoung and Taeyong looked at each other sending signal.

"Y/N found us." Doyoung was gripping his phone hard, while waiting until the other person say something. "She called me earlier today. I am sure, she's going to find the killer."

"Don't let her. Keep her safe, Doyoung."

"It's too late now."

"Understood."

Taeyoung looked at his friend stressed. They nodded at each other, and went to their places waiting for next things coming.

"I'm so happy, you're moving on!" Your mother hugged you. "Are you sure about moving out part? It's your house, after all."

"Living here reminds me of Jaehyun too much. I found nice apartament in the centre of city, and I'm going to live closer to the company. Only prons."

"Jungwoo is picking you up?"

"He's already there." Your friend honked. "I gotta go. Let's go. I'm starting new chapter."

"We're proud of you." Your dad kissed your cheek. "Call us when you're in your new place. We're happy for you."

Drive to your new place was really comfortable, Jungwoo was cracking jokes all the time and he was expressing how happy he was for you.

"By the way, thank you. I really appreciate you recommended me for the company and you're driving me to my new place."

"Please, don't. It's just a pleasure to help you, Y/N. I am here for you anytime." He smiled at you. "You know, we are buddies now."

"Yes, dude."

"You sound like Mark now."

"Is it a bad thing?"

"Duh. He overuse 'dude'. Don't be like Mark."

Jungwoo wasn't right. Dude is literally Mark. Mark is dude. There's no Mark Lee without a 'dude' every few seconds. Almost like a comma.

After a month of working in Secret Forces as analyst, you were secured in your spot. No one suspected you of anything. Not many knew you were widow and Jaehyun's wife. Only the above knew, and Johnny, Jungwoo and Mark. You were lowkey about your business, and never mentioned anything harmful to you.

"We're going to hang out and drink sojuu, you're coming?" Mark asked with sparkling eyes. "Please, you always decline. Only me, Johnny, Jungwoo and Taeil. He went to the same University as you, I believe."

"Mark, I have a work to do. I need to do research, and write a raport."

"And you have a weekend for that. Just this once. We're not that bad, after all. Boys wants you to come. C'mon."

"Bet."

Mark left happy, because after 5th time asking, you agreed. By the time he was gone, you could check your other phone. You saw notification popping up on your homescreen.

dy: i need u to go and find login to y'all system dy: asap dy: don't get caught tho

Every single worker have own login, but login of people with high ranks are different each. With a sigh, you left your office and went towards the lift. You waved to few people, you got to know, and went to 14th floor. There must be the office of your boss.

There was no one in sight, so you just went in carefully. He was gettin his daily coffee on 4th floor with his friends, so he won't be there any time soon. You knew there were cameras, but Doyoung took care of that long time ago.

"Fuck. Where's the damn laptop."

As far as you know, they don't use their logins on official PC's, but have their own laptops with a base of every file possible.

Finally, you spotted black laptop on the pile of books in the corner. Looking around, you put USB cable in laptop. Thanks to that, Doyoung can hack everything from the laptop.

dy: i need 2 minutes dy: ok take the cable off, and meet me in your smoking spot behind the building

"I'm going out with boys tonight. After the work. In an hour."

"Be careful, though. Remember, we don't know how much do they know."

"They were best friends with Jaehyun. They couldn't be harmful."

"Maybe you're right, but there's no harm in being careful." He sighed. "I'll check everything, and tell you what we found. For now, be sure no one saw you."

The restaurant was really comfy, and have it's vibe. You felt as you were a kid again with your parents on Sunday's dinner. Nostalgic place.

"The owner is my uncle." Taeil laughed. "He opened the restaurant like 5 years ago? It's one of the best, I swear to God."

"Your uncle?" You were in disbelief. "The food is amazing. I love their dumplings."

"My uncle is the same person as Gordon Ramsey."

"Maybe let's not go there." Johnny cut off laughing. "You're lying."

"Ya, do you doubt me!"

"Gentlemen, stop."

The conversation went smoothly. You got to know, Taeil was your senior while you were freshman in the University.

"I remember the time we were training, and we were supposed to get all 10s with shooting, but Jungwoo missed every single one."

"Ya, really! I got 6, it's not bad."

"You're classified as blind, Woo. Don't you know?" Taeil laughed with Johnny. "He's really fit, but the guns and him aren't good couple."

"I have hidden talent with guns."

"And it stays hidden, Jungwoo." Johnny rolled his eyes. "And you Y/N? Have you ever held a gun?"

"Not really. I am clueless about all the weapons. Even knives. The only knife I've ever came across, was the one to peel the apples. Really."

"Then why did you join us? I mean, our job is almost like American CIA or FBI. I know your analyst, but why here?"

Taeil asked you question, and you froze for a minute. Jungwoo noticed your confused expression, and get you out of the awkward situation.

"Discrimination? Just because she wasn't trained like us means, she can't work with us? Ya, Moon Taeil, I thought you wasn't a jerk."

All of you were laughing, and you were thankful for him saving you.

"No! Sorry, I just-"

"I was bored. Math teacher isn't exciting, right? I found there was a need for analyst, so I applied. I need adrenaline in my life."

"Don't we all?" Mark sighed. "But our job is kinda boring. We don't do much nowadays."

"And nice. We should rest." Johnny took a sip of sojuu. "Let's drink and have a blast before coming back to that shithole in two days."

Two hours passed, and you were ready to come back home. Boys seems to have fun, and they planned to go Taeil's place to have more sojuu and watch movies.

"I really gotta go. I had fun, and I really like you, but it's getting darker." You claimed, while taking your coat on. "Bye."

They waved you goodbye, but Mark stopped you.

"Wait! Jungwoo is totally wasted, and he's asking if you could drive him home. I mean, you're the only one who wasn't drinking." He held his neck. "If no, then we can call the cab."

"No need for that." You smiled. "I'll get his drunk ass and get him to his place. Where's he?"

Jungwoo was sitting on the passenger seat, and he was white as ghost.

"Woo, are you alright?"

"I think Imma throw up." The mumble wasn't clear, and it took you a second to understand.

"Shit, wait. We're going to my place, it's closer. You look like you're about to pass out. You can stay the night."

"Can I?"

"Oh, shut up."

Taking Jungwoo into your place wasn't an easy task. He was 6ft, and his ass wouldn't hurry up, which made you go to the door for about 10 minutes.

"Here, sit down and drink some water." You passed him the glass. "Are you going to throw up?"

"I am not sure."

"Sit there, I'll take a shower. If you need to throw up, there's a bowl under the sink."

Jungwoo saluted, and you chuckled. You must admit, he was kinda cute. You slapped yourself mentally for that thought. You can't think about him in that way, after all he's your dead husband friend.

You came back to Jungwoo laying on the couch with his eyes closed, thinking he was sleeping, you was walking on your tippy toes.

"I'm not sleeping, Y/N. Can you come here?" He opened his arm. "C'mon. Please. I am so drunk, I can't. I need a hug."

"Jungwoo, I don't think-"

"Just lay down, and relax. I'm not going to touch you, c'mon."

Jungwoo made space for you. Being this close to him, made you nervous. It's been a while since you was this close to a man.

"Why aren't you sleeping, dumbass? You look like a ghost.

"Ah, really. I still have a time. You know what, I really respect you, Y/N. I admire how strong you are, and how smart you are. Really. I'm always surprised because of you."

"Jungwoo, don't sugarcoat me." You chuckled. "You're drunk."

"I mean it. I really, really mean it. I'm happy you're moving on with your life. Jaehyun was lucky to have you, you know. I've been jealous of him." You chuckled, because drunk Jungwoo was funny and he wasn't aware of his words. "Don't laugh. We all were jealous of you two."

"Woo, please. There's other couples like that. It's a past. I need to move on, and I did, to be honest. I'm not thinking about Jaehyun that much." There was a bit of truth in that. You couldn't tell others about your plan, so it was better to make them think you really moved on, but at the other hand. You missed being loved. "I think I should date again."

"Ya, that's what I'm saying!" He said confidently with a pout. "I agree. But Y/N. I really like you. We've been hanging out a lot past weeks, and I really like you. I found you pretty and I'd like to kiss you."

Before you could answer, surprised with his confession he was long asleep on his back. Your heart skipped a beat, because you had no clue someone have a crush on you. Someone like Kim Jungwoo. You knew Jaehyun would like you to date one of his friends, instead of complete stranger.

"If I ever pass away, please. Y/N date either Johnny or Jungwoo." He was caressing your cheek. "I know they would take great care of you. I trust them. If you'd date a stranger, they know to kill him, you know."

"Jaehyun don't even say that. Only person I'm going to date is you. Don't talk about your dead, you're not going to die."

"You never know. In this line of work, you gotta be ready for everything. I told them the same thing. Personally, I'd took Jungwoo. He isn't going to work the same job as long as he thought."

"Honey, you're my husband talking about dating your best friend. Let's not."

He chuckled and kissed you. Little did you know, Jaehyun was aware he didn't have much left to live.

"I like you too." You whispered, and fall asleep.

'I left to work. Sorry for the trouble! I don't even remember how did I end up at your place! Not mentioning, sleeping next to you. LOL. I was wasted as fuck. Sorry again! I made you breakfast, hope you like scrambled eggs with kimchi and toast. See ya at work! Jungwoo~'

Smile crept on your face, because it was lovely. It's been a long time since someone made you breakfast. You shook your head, and reminded yourself to not get distracted.

"I found something interesting." Doyoung said while eating cookies, Taeyoung bought. "Look."

He passed you his laptop, and there was files named after Jaehyun and they were marked as top secret. You opened them, and there were synopsis of him and his life. You were also mentioned there as his wife, but not much.

"What's interesting in there?"

"Look at the date of his death. 12th February. He was killed five days later. We have a direct evidence his death was planned."

"I knew it. Who else can open these?"

"Not many. Bosses and officers. There's many suspects, Y/N. I saw someone deleted some files, and I tried to recover them. I'm not sure if it's possible."

"Do your best, please. I am sure, Johnny and Jungwoo don't know exactly what happened with Jaehyun."

"How?"

You could tell he wasn't convinced.

"I just know. They must been suspicious of Yuta, that's why they were nervous."

"Remember, you can't be sure of anything."

"I know them longer than I do you. I can tell when something is off."

"Don't let your feelings take control of you."

"I don't."

Taeyong laughed.

"You're not as trained as we are. No one can be trusted. We're partners, we can trust each other, but them? I'm not sure."

"I shouldn't trust you, since I don't know you. But guess what. I'm doing my best, so please. Shut up." You got up. "I'm going to the company. If you have something, let me know."

As soon as you left, Doyoung called.

"Yuta, keep an eye on her in the company. Especially on Jaehyun's buddies."

"Fuck. I told you to get this idea out of her mind."

"Was I supposed to let her do it on her own, and get her killed? Jaehyun wouldn't be happy."

"She's getting too comfortable. We can't let her know everything, Doyoung. You deleted the files?"

"I did. I sent them."

"Good. Bye."

Kim Doyoung told you, he wasn't able to find the deleted files. You couldn't blame him for his failed mission, since he was doing already a lot. At the other hand, you tried asking people. Mentioning Jaehyun, but no a single soul had any idea about him, or his death.

Boys and you hang out again. This time, you got drunk. You didn't have to do much for work, since you got everything done before deadline. Jungwoo drive you home.

"Ah, Y/N. You're cute when you're drunk."

"I feel sarcasm, idiot."

"It's not." He laughed. "You look pretty. Here we are." He parked in front of your building. "Dummy."

"Kiss me then."

"What?"

"You said I'm pretty. Kiss me or you're lying."

You were way too drunk to care, or to be aware of your words.

"You're drunk-"

"Do it."

Jungwoo was looking into your eyes, the next second his hands cuped your cheeks and he was kissing you. The kiss lasted for few seconds, and it got you warmed up.

"Y/N-"

"Wanna come in?"

On your way to your place, both of you were kissing, not giving a damn about people passing you. It felt as if you two were waiting for this moment to come for the longest time ever. As you were kissing Jungwoo, you couldn't put the key in.

"Let me do it."

Next thing you remember, was the two of you undressing in your bedroom. Jungwoo didn't break the kiss, when he was getting your clothes off.

"I've been waiting for this moment for such a long time." He whined. "You really turn me the fuck on."

"Kim Jungwoo, just fuck me."

Both of you, too busy with each other, failed to notice tall silhouete standing in the dark corner of your place watching you. The man clenched his fists hard, feeling his blood boil. Jaehyun was watching his best friend fuckin his wife. He wanted to get out the shadow, and kill Jungwoo for it. He wanted to scream, but he knew he couldn't. Officialy, he's dead.

"I'll kill him." He whispered, and left as quiet as he entered.

Jung Jaehyun is very alive, and healthy.

Past days were peacful and relaxed, something you couldn't feel for a while. Jungwoo and you weren't dating yet. You wanted to take things slow, because at the back of your head, you could see Jaehyun.

Peace was broken, when Yuta paid you a visit.

"Listen, I don't care what you're doing with who, but I can't agree for you to lose your mind over someone." He sighed. "There's no one you can trust, especially Jaehyun's ex friends."

"The only person I shouldn't trust is you, Yuta. I don't know you at all, Doyoung and Taeyong don't talk about you, nor Jaehyun did. It's logical for me to trust them, not you."

Yuta felt as he was talking to a child. You were stubborn, way too much for Yuta's liking. His Japanese temper was getting real bad with you. He felt hopeless, because no matter how many times, he's telling you to stay away from Jaehyun ex co-workers, you don't listen.

"How do you know they didn't get their hands dirty with Jaehyun? What if they're involved but you don't know? You don't know them, Y/N. You have this pov of them as your husband's co-workers, not as actual people."

"Wait." You paused. "Don't you and boys know somethind I don't? Doyoung also told me to stay away from them. Why?"

"You know I don't." His body tensed up. "For some reason, as you claim, your husband didn't tell anything to them. I know, I know." He rolled his eyes. "It was dangerous, but they were friends for years, Y/N, years. Not even a word?"

Doyoung was walking down the woods, hidden from the city. Not many people visited the woods, because they weren't fameous as other one.

"You're alone?" Doyoung nodded as he entered small house. "What's up."

"You're not going to do anything with Jungwoo? He's fuckin your wife, Jaehyun. It's so painfully obvious. She likes him."

Jaehyun clenched his jaw.

"Not now. I can't just kill him out of the blue. For now, it's alright as long as he's not putting her in danger. I sent Yuta to talk to her, but she's not interested in his advice."

"Y/N is independant. I mean, she left the theraphy long ago, and her main goal is to find your killer."

"Only if she knew what really happened."

"Are you going to reveal yourself?"

"No. It's better if I'm away from her."

Finding a killer of your late husband was draining. Jungwoo didn't have a clue what you're up to. He found you looking through multiple files at night, but he never dared to ask what's that.

Taeyong tried his best at finding answers to your questions, but there were none. He felt like giving up, together with Doyoung. It was complicated to find people, who know something. It was like a never ending task.

"Jaehyun body was never found. I think I'd cry out of happines if he would be alive somehow." You admited to Doyoung, who was sipping on his coffee. "Sometimes I feel like he's still with me. His presence."

"Even after dating Jungwoo?"

"Yes. I can't explain that feeling, but he's there. His ghost, at least."

Doyoung made a mental note to inform Jaehyun to keep it lowkey, since you probably could tell something is off. Maybe Jaehyun wasn't doing great job with following you? It could ruin a lot.

"Ghosts aren't real. You miss him, so your imagination makes you feel like he's here. Simple."

"Yes, I know. Still, I'd like to hang out with him for the last time. Do you know what's last thing we did?"

"Tell us." Yuta said, and you rolled your eyes at him. "I'm just asking, I swear to God."

"We had a fight. Cliche, yes. We had a fight about him not being at home much, because of work. I even thought he was cheating on me, because none of his friends spent so much time at the company as he did." You chuckled. "Then I realized how stupid it sounds, and I apologized. The next morning we were supposed to go to our favorite cafe, but as y'all know. He vanished and got shot."

"Were you supposed to tell him about pregnancy?"

"Of course. I planned to talk with him at our favorite place, and let him know he's about to become a father."

"Life's a bitch."

"Exactly. But for you it's past. Paniful past, but past. Now you're living new life, maybe you really should give up on finding Jaehyun's killer."

And maybe Yuta was right.

"I think I should. I have no clues, and no one knows anything. I am tired. One day I will know the truth, but not now."

"Facts. You have Jungwoo, right? You're in love and-"

"I am not." You cut Doyoung off. "I like him, and he's my boyfriend, but I can't say I'm in love with him. It's far from that."

"Understood, miss."

Your apartament was empty when you come. Jungwoo would hang out with you after work, but today he had to leave to Busan with Johnny. As you were walking around, you heard noise. The first thing you did, was to run for a knife.

"I'll kill you, if you step any further." You hissed.

To your surprise, Taeyong came out of shadow. He was wearing all black, and had a sad smile on his face.

"Easy. I'm not here to kill you, Y/N. I'm leaving Korea tonight." He got the knife out of your hand, and put it down on the counter. "I'm here to tell you what I know."

"What's going on? Did something happened? Someone's after you?"

"Not yet." He sighed. "I got the informations from secret documents, that Doyoung blocked. I don't know why, probably for you to feel safer. I recovered them, and I found something disturbing. The messages from a week ago. The man who killed Jaehyun is about to kill you."

Your vision became blurry, and you felt your throat tightening, making it hard to breathe.

"Do you know who sent them?"

"I don't. They were between two people, they're anonymous. No one can know, but one of them is going to try to kill you anytime soon. Probably this week. Please, stay safe. Be ready for anything, buy a gun, whatever. You can't trust no one, Y/N. I gotta go. It'd be better for you to have security or don't leave your place at night. Don't stay alone, okay?"

"Taeyong, why-"

"I have to, Y/N. I could be in trouble for warning you, plus I don't want Doyoung to get hurt. I'll get in touch as soon as possible, but for now." He turned around. "Lock the door, and find a weapon."

You did as Taeyong said. No one knew about the plan of killing you. No one can be trusted, especially after what Taeyong told you. Not even Jungwoo knew, besides the fact he was sleeping next to you every night. He was keeping you close, but it wasn't enough. You felt scared.

Past days, you didn't notice anyone following you. Mark, and Taeil would drop you off from work since you told them your car is gettin repaired, even though it wasn't true. Yuta and Doyoung didn't sense your odd behaviour. They thought you have tough days with work, since you told them you're giving up at finding Jaehyun's killer. Well, seems like he found you.

"Y/N, dinner's ready." Jungwoo smiled at you warmly. "I made your favorite, and bought wine on my way home. Is that fine?"

"Jungwoo, you didn't have to do all of this. I am thankfull, I appreciate that. You're the best."

"Today is special day. I want us to have the best dinner, and most magical time ever."

"Why?" You chuckled surprised. "Did something happend?"

"No reason, just 7th sense."

Odd. Jungwoo was really happy today, as if something happened. You thought maybe it was because of a promotion, since he was about to level up at the Secret Forces.

"Oh, I think someone is calling me." Doyoung's name popped up on your screen, but Jungwoo was quick to take your phone out of your hands. "Jungwoo."

"Please. Tonight is about us, not about your friends. It's probably not that important anywas. Can we move on?"

Jungwoo was right. Doyoung was calling you pretty often, and you had no idea why. Sometimes he was asking about you, or sometimes he was bragging about some bullshit you had no interest in.

As you were sitting on your bed, you felt kind of dizzy. Your head was spinning, and Jungwoo's voice was hard to hear. You tried to stand up, but you couldn't.

"Jungwoo, what's going on?"

"What do you mean? Nothing."

"I feel-"

You got cut off by sudden banging on the door. Before you process what happened, there was a tall man in your bedroom. Both you and Jungwoo couldn't believe your own eyes.

"Ya, really." Jungwoo hissed. "You're fuckin kidding me, right."

"You wish, motherfucker." Jaehyun's voice made you weak. He was there. Alive. "Leave her, the fuck, alone."

"I thought I killed you, didn't I?" Jungwoo was cocky, and you were shocked. Kim Jungwoo? Your cute Kim Jungwoo, who doesn't even know how to hold a gun was Jaehyun's killer? And Jaehyun's alive? "You're tough cookie, Jaehyun."

"It's not that easy to get rid of me. Now, leave my wife alone and step back before I'll slit your throat open."

"Wow, easy there, superman. I thought you were dead, but turnes out I missed? Fuck. I'll try better now."

"What is going on?" You asked still dizzy. "Jaehyun, you're alive. What happened? Please, tell me." Your eyes got wattery.

"Y/N, I need you to leave the bedroom. Leave the place, and call Doyoung and Yuta. Now."

"Nope, please."

Before you could do anything else, Jungwoo was coming at you with a knife, but Jaehyun pushed you away. You were on all four, creeping out of the bedroom. Seems like Jungwoo gave something in your drink or food. You lost balance, and you were laying down on the floor in the kitchen. Only banging, and grunts were heard from your bedroom. You were losing conciousness, while trying hard to not and to hear what's going on.

"Your wife is good in bed, huh. You have no clue how satisfied I was, knowing I was fuckin what belonged to you, Jaehyun." Jungwoo spitted blood out of his mouth. "I felt glory."

"You sick fucker." He punched his enemy in the face. "Don't mention my wife again. You fucked up our life. I thought you were my best friend. You're a traitor, Jungwoo and you'll pay for it."

"I don't think anyone would believe you." Jungwoo smirked.

"Doyoung have everything on you. Yuta too. They did nothing, because you picked to get close to Y/N. She couldn't know what happened. Not then."

"I knew I should've killed her sooner."

Without any word, Jaehyun got his gun and shot Jungwoo in his head. Bullet went through his brain, making a mess in your bedroom. Jungwoo's liveless body dropped on the floor, on the pool of blood.

You opened your eyes, and closed them right after. It was too light for you, and it was painful. You tried the second time, and you could feel shift on the surface you were on.

"Y/N? Oh, thank God you woke up." Jaehyun took your hand in his, and you felt overwhelmed with emotions. Your husband. Your true love was alive. "I am so sorry for everything, darling. I fucked up, but I am here again. This time forever."

"You're alive. Why did you do it to me? Why did you leave me and didn't come back?" You were crying, while Jaehyun was holding his tears in. "I was waiting for you to come back. Deep down I wasn't done with the fact you're dead. You have no idea what you put me through."

"I did it all to keep you safe. I couldn't risk your life, because of me, Y/N. I couldn't lose you, that's why. I was keeping an eye on you from afar. Doyoung, Taeyong and Yuta helped me. They tried to keep you away from Jungwoo."

"Jungwoo." You whispered. "Is he dead?" He nodded. "You killed him."

"I mean, he tried to kill me first. He was involved in case with taxi driver, and corruption. He was money laundering with our boss, and got big check for 'killing' me. Thankfully, he missed my heart by inches. Doyoung helped me."

"You could've told me. At least warn me. I missed you so much for past year. I thought I'm going to die, because of your loss. Do you have any idea how it is?"

"I don't and I'm sorry. I know your life was turned upside down, but I love you. I always been and I always will. Now, I'll gotta do my best for world to see what happened. I have proof of every illegal thing they've done."

You nodded, and tried to stop sobbing.

"Why didn't you kill Jungwoo back then?"

"Because they said, they're watching you. Before they tried to kill me, they blackmailed me. They had soldiers stalking you, and told me if something goes wrong, you're dead. Then everything is history. Listen, I love you too much. I had to do it for us." He kissed your hand. "I am sorry about pregnancy, I had no idea you were pregnant. Maybe if I knew, I'd stop and-"

"Jaehyun, no." You cut him off mid sentence. "No. It's not our fault. Shit happenes. I got over it a year ago. It's our past. Now I understand your motives. I am not mad anymore, but please. Let's move out from here, and let's start new life somewhere else."

"I've always wanted to live in Switzerland."

"Sounds great."

Jaehyun chuckled, and leant in to kiss you. After all the dark times, you could kiss your lover. Jaehyun was finally with you. Maybe there's still a chance for better days.

[snitchesnsneeds]

First Half of Miraculous Season 2 Done. Here's my thoughts:

The Collector: A pretty good start! They made the teens smart while still being dumb teens!

Despair Bear: Chloe needs a therapist, arguably moreso than a redemption arc and especially a downward villainous spiral. Also Dangit Grandpa

Prime Queen: Wow, this was a lot more chill than expected. Even Cat Noir was left aghast at what Nadja was doing, Nadja seemed to be pressuring Ladybug and Cat Noir more for views than anything else, and I'm not entirely sure Akuma personalities can be trusted.

Befana: Fun fact: This was the episode that got me into Miraculous in the first place because of how shocking it was. And then I discovered even more. In hindsight from watching the other episodes, it was relatively darker, but mostly because it's Marinette's friends and family that are getting G-rated killed instead of random civilians like every other episode.

Riposte: Kagami is here! I don't see too much chemistry with her and Adrien yet, but she's cool and I like her and feel like I could be friends in real life. Also this feels like a relatively uncommon trope, but I wish "X is blatantly a woman but no one notices" was spedran through by someone with brains.

Robustus: Pretty good, all things considered. From what I've heard about Miraculous lore, creating sapient or at the very least semi-sapient AI isn't that uncommon for weirdness hotspots, and I'm putting Max in the list of characters I think should have figured out Ladybug and Cat Noir's identity. (There's four now!)

Gigantitan: It turns out my favorite parts of Miraculous are the slice-of-life bits instead of the superhero bits the show is about! We got to see more of Marinette's friends! Alix! Mylene! Julie! The Eeby Deeby herself! Also it was really sweet to see Adrien's bodyguard calm down just by looking at the kid. Adrien's true daddy.

Dark Owl: No wonder these two aren't allowed to know eachothers' identities, considering how much of a loose tongue Marinette has!

Glaciator: Alright, it's finally time to talk about the sins of Marinette and Cat Noir, considering the fan content I osmosed before watching the series was heavy salt stuff, and I wanna see how much it holds up. So far Cat Noir has acted as if he's already dating Ladybug previously, and in this episode he got mad at Ladybug for not showing up at a date when she herself said she might not come due to having other plans. Isn't he supposed to be used to not-showing-up disappointment as Adrien due to his dad? Is it different because he's Cat Noir? Is this a breaking point? No matter, he eventually calms down and is ultimately the less bad member of the relationship. Marinette, meanwhile, doesn't have as many misdemeanors to her name but they're a lot worse. She stole Adrien's phone to get rid of an embarrassing message and got away with it too, what the hell, and also owns the schedule. Although I don't believe she stalked Adrien and made it herself due to how busy she is as both Marinette and Ladybug, that's just weird and wrong. I'm reluctant to call her a stalker, but her actions are still wrong. Ultimately, this relationship is going to need a lot of therapy and counseling to not crash and burn. What were we talking about again? Oh yeah. The ice cream episode. I think the ice cream guy can be wrong and he doesn't understand that.

Sapotis: Silly little fun episode, also it introduces the first new Miraculous holder! I'm honestly fine with it so far if it means more screentime for side characters. I honestly really like seeing Marinette's classmates. They're neat. Also I was this close to putting Alya on the list but she proves time and time again that she doesn't actually know Ladybug's identity.

Gorizilla: In this episode we are introduced to Adrien's deranged parasocial fanbase. I'm starting to understand some of his father's decisions at this point. This is what I was talking about with the schedule, by the way. These obsessive stalker creeps make Marinette look reasonable, and I wouldn't be surprised if the one guy who I'm pretty sure becomes Party Crasher discreetly stalked Adrien to get his schedule. Restraining orders need to be filed.

Captain Hardrock: One of the funniest episodes, up there with Dark Cupid. Also Luka is here! And he already has great chemistry with Marinette! And more Rosie and Julie content even if it's crumbs!

[v1x-holo]

ENA THEORY - POWER OF POTLUCK.

"What's the meaning of.. FUN?"

This abstract nonsense world of the internet that never ceases to amaze us.. We all know how fun it is to make ENA HCs and theories! ENA is one of those things that's as written super vague so everyone gets something different out of it & the story is often unimportant if it even exists. I believe that deep inside there's some logic through implications and only. You have to think outside the box and more conventionally to get something out of it n I just love to hyperanalyze content that has hidden or no lore. I think I'd be cool to share my own take on some stuff. In today's episode…. ba dum tssss I wanna discuss about the meaning behind the latest episode: Power of potluck. Like, the meaning behind the "joy" roaming throughout the entire thing. First of all. This episode seems to be the biggest source of the real meaning of emotions and the life on this universe. The "implications" are also pretty much forward, the straight-up Therapy thing took me aback pretty much LMAO- u just don't see this showcasing style of deep significances in the ENA series at all. Anyhow, let's start! 1) THE NAME MEANING:

Potluck is apparently a food gathering where many people eat at. This has a strange connection with BBQ. Idk yet why Joel decides to connect ENA with dishes n such. However, just like I said before about "Potluck", people enjoy and share food with others. In the ENA episode everyone tries to support ENAs journey to the " Fun" with any way they can, one giving her instructions, other dancing… They have that sort of positive connection, just like in Potlucks! :]

2) THE MASKING

While the while journey of ENA searching for the "Fun", you see her having a mask stuck on her blue side's face. The sad side is neutrally negative, low-down, sad, pitiful n such. The mask THOUGH is more of silly, hyper, and a sneaky lil goober. Jokes aside, we all know how much ENA dislikes her emotions, especially her blue side's. The mask, full of not necessarily happy emotions, but enough to mask such gloominess, works as a replacement for her sad side. However, one can't mask it all forever and you eventually can't hold it inside at some point. That's where ENA got sensitive again when she got rid of the mask, and couldn't bottle up her emotions anymore.

Near the end, the therapist finally gives us an answer for the "Fun": "The greatest of fun can be found in the little moments." So, what's the meaning of the "Fun"..? In other words, enjoy the moment of the small, joyful things. Go have some fun with your friends, chill a bit, do something you enjoy. Even if you don't have the respect from others, the luxuries and the fame, you better enjoy the little things. These are what are worth in life. Pretty much similar with irl, ain't it?… Despite ENA being surreal, it's never far away from reality.

… That's all guys :] Hope you liked it. Here I also put some lil things from other theories that I liked, so credt to them as well lol :]

[hazelnut-u-out]

What would your ideal Morty therapy appointment look like (assuming that he went alone)? 🤔

Going to try to answer this even though my brain feels like mush, lol.

So, there are quite a few things I'd like to see. Obviously, I wouldn't expect a single episode to actually tackle every aspect of what therapy would realistically look like for a character like Morty, but hey-- at this rate, every episode aside from 'Fear No Mort' that's attempted to psychoanalyze him hasn't done the best job, I fear... *cough cough*

Anyway, here are some of the things I'd like to see addressed in an actual therapy setting (importantly, not some other form of psychoanalysis, like the Fear Hole, Roy, etc.):

Autism/Pilot Disability

It bothers me every day that the writers never followed up on that throw-away line about Morty having a disability in the pilot. Obviously, I headcanon that he's autistic (I mean, surely that's half of the dynamic with Rick right there, lol). I personally think that Rick and Morty have some autistic traits that present to the opposing extremes. For example, I think Rick struggles with hypo-empathy and Morty with hyper-empathy. I think Rick excels in math where Morty excels in English/literature. I think Rick struggles to mask and Morty is high masking. Rick just doesn't people please to survive in the same way Morty has been socialized to. (Most of this is my interpretation of the characters, but there are scenes that back up my points, as I'm sure you've caught onto, haha.) I think it would be cool to see Morty open up about feeling ostracized from his peers, struggling to make friends his own age, struggling with feelings of being 'behind'/weird/awkward, and how all of that made him the perfect victim. This is probably the least likely of my wants to be addressed in a therapy setting. I think that if they confirm it, it'd be in a pretty lowkey way, similar to what they did with Rick. I think the cold open for 'Mort: Ragnarick' might've actually been an indication that Morty isn't neurotypical, but we knew that already. I actually sort of headcanon Goldenfold's class as a remedial math course because of how simple the math seems to be, though I'm sure it was initially just some math they threw in for the pilot.

2. Grooming...

This is a tough one to include. Morty has been with WAYYY too many older women throughout the course of the show, but Planetina in particular gives me the chills. I would love to see how that's impacted him, or maybe even how his abusive dynamic with Rick and his neglectful relationship with his parents pushed him into that vulnerable position even more.

3. Mommy Issues (or neglectful parenting in general)

This one is a good follow-up for the last one. Morty's dynamic with Beth in 'A Rickconvenient Mort' is something I literally get up in the middle of the night just to think about. It makes my chest ache. I think it's because I know exactly how it feels to be Morty in that situation. When your parents constantly downplay your own feelings, put you in dangerous/vulnerable situations with reckless abandon, and completely shut you out emotionally it can feel like they just want to ruin your life when they try to protect you. To be honest, the show's dynamic wouldn't exist without Beth's negligence. Morty has two moms and neither of them have really tried to protect him. Even Jerry failed him.

4. Crying.

Idk, just lots of it. He deserves to cry about whatever he wants and be validated.

5. Justifying Rick's Actions

I would LOVE to see Morty try to explain Rick's actions away to someone who actually cares if he's being abused. I could see Morty say something to a therapist, there be a negative reaction or uncomfortable silence, and him try to say: 'It's really for my own good, though, you see...'/'You just don't know Rick the way I do. I'm the only one who really gets him...'/'It would break Mom's heart...'/'He would never hurt me on purpose...' Then to have a professional get in there and really debunk that internalized manipulation? I would die (in a good way).

5. Trauma Responses

They've sort of been hinting at this for a bit, but I think the whole point of Rick's improvement-- at least, in Morty's case-- is 'too little too late.' Rick may be getting better, but how is Morty supposed to trust him? Especially when Rick has been 'nice' for the express purpose of hurting him before? Even in his everyday life, I'm sure he has those moments of anxiety/dread/odd behavior because of the shit he's been through.

There's more, but my brain is fried right now, so maybe I'll revisit this ask later. Anyway, this was fun to think about! Thanks for asking! <3

[daddyelliott1979]

Reflections on being a Daddy

Something we don't acknowledge enough on our communities is Daddy/Mommy/CG/Dom mental health and head spaces including when ours drop.

In fact our feelings are often forgotten about compared to the Sea of feelings, thoughts and Mental health of Littles and Subs.

Some would argue that's how it should be, we are the Bigs and therefore should some how beable to handle it.

Let me tell you as someone who is not only a former little turned Daddy, but also a Therapist, this simply isn't true!

I want in this post to concentrate on a couple key areas.

Head Space Drops

Post visit feelings

CG mental health

Head space drops

If a CG or Dom fails to do something, like say Good morning or some other usual thing they do, perhaps because they are busy; you will most likely see a post somewhere about "my Daddy made me feel".

Maybe they were curt, or distracted snd not attentive enough. Or didn't enforce a rule.

And it usually will centre around a head space drop. And as a Daddy thats upsetting to read.

But what we don't talk about is when subs or littles don't follow a rule or don't something that was expected- perhaps they were busy.

What we don't see us posts about the CG head space drop- and that i find interesting.

In fact we don't talk about CG headspaces at all- and let me tell you we have them!

For me I create huge spaces in my life for my boys. Those spaces are full of joy and excitement!

Heres the thing that really needs to be talked about, we need you! We can't be us, without you!

A baby can put on a Nappy, grab a Dummy, a Stuffie, put on Bluey, and bab out!

CG don't have that option! And we don't talk about it. You could often be mistaken for believing a CG is no more than a Nappy or other tool for the little to explore their "littleness".

Post visit feelings

Let me tell you, the sadest part post a visit isn't just helping our charges transition, dealing with their emotions, that they are sad to go home.

Its also holding that for ourselves!

I have to do that whilst cleaning up the nursery, washing all the Baby clothes and bottles.

The sadest part for me us taking down the baby gate- on reflection its symbolic of my care and protection for my boys. And it breaks my heart every time!

Then comes the post visit loneliness, at this point your little is home, they tell you how much they enjoyed their visut- which is always wonderful to hear.

They will tell they have padded up and chilling.

And you are left to hold them and you! Which is great because they still need you; Daddy head space is on- but sometimes they are off out to be big with family, friends or lovers.

And in those moments the feeling of head space drop comes in- who are you when your little doesn't need you?

And if we allow that feeling to fester we can experience depression, anxiety and a host of other feelings we don't want to talk about!

CG mental health

Heres the thing, we often act like a Dom, and we often use terms like "true Dom", should be strong, self assured and have their life together.

Let me tell you as a Therapist this is beyond toxic and nothing more than Patriarchal style beliefs in manliness and masculinity- from the perspective of a Daddy atleast.

Its our capability and capacity for love that makes us a Dom or CG. We take on the children of others and love them like they were our own.

But that doesn't mean we are not susceptible to depression, mental health or a multitude of other issues.

We are not invulnerable!

We often deal with very real and very raw feelings!

Conclusion

I want you all to think the next time your CG asks/reminds you to follow a rule, one you probably asked for; to not view their request as nagging. But to see this an opportunity to help your CG with their feelings and headspace.

Because both the Littles and the CG headspace matters!

We could do with being a little more sensitive to each others feelings and headspace too!

[ianthoni]

Ok, Idk if it's just me but I can't stop thinking about the part in Anthony's letter where he asks if Ian even knows the real Ian... like, I think I'm crazy and tinhatty for seeing Ian as visibly repressed, but Anthony literally sees the exact same thing.

My very detailed thoughts are under the gifs and videos. Buckle up that's a long ass post. I put some of the parts i find interesting in the video.

First of I wanna start with comments like "oh i think Ian is emotionless he doesn't show emotions" he literally did. Watch the video. Don't just listen to his words look at his eyes.

No no no you're not alone. The more i watch him the more I'm like damn this man has a lot to unpack. Like you can see he has so many emotions but also is hiding them. At first people were like Ian is so chill, Ian doesn't care and I'm like HE CARES?? You can clearly see he cares, you can see he's affected by everything happening around, happening TO him. He's just so closed up so withdrawn even he himself doesn't know how to react to things. Just like he said he's the most chill-unchill person. He probably has a hurricane in his mind but he doesn't show it outside. I think it's because he was alone for a long time. He was definitely more open when he's with Anthony but after watching the video I think their friendship stopped being close when Anthony started dating his girlfriend at the time. Ofc there was probably some stuff between them they're friends since 6th grade, but the strings broke and they stopped being best friends probably at that time. And probably after this Ian started to press his feelings. Cause I think he tried to talk to Anthony about that person but it backfired so he stopped it all together. At the time he probably didn't have enough close friends and after Anthony left he was just alone in his thoughts. Ofc he had partners he had co workers, friends, employees but at that point he was already in a state where "it's better if i just shut up about my own feelings/emotions/thoughts cause they're wrong they're the reason my best friend leave me" and everything else, the company, the break-ups whatever it was all his problems, he's the boss, he had to take care of everything and he had to protect his friends/company and everything. He should be the one doing it without bothering others. And that's why he's now "chill" he put on an unbothered person mask to stay strong in the game. He built strong walls around his emotions. He hide them so much that he lost his ability to show his emotions in the meantime. He's an amazing listener, problem solver, perfect boss and friend and best friend probably but he's not good to himself. His feelings are pressed, he has a lot to unpack probably. Idk if Anthony and him talk about everything (i don't think tho i don't think ian could just trauma dump) and i feel like he has to. Not just talking about shit happened before like they say in the video, no he has to talk about his feelings, how he feels about what happened, how he feels now, is he hurt, is he heartbroken. Without a filter. Like he had to leave the labels behind and idk have an open conversation with someone(probably a therapist tbh) and realize that showing emotions is not weak or wrong. And he's not alone. Maybe he felt that way before but he has friends, he has a whole family actually. I really don't believe he's an emotionless person he's just so so introverted in his emotions. And he's lost in his insecurities.

First of all you can see he's emotionally unstable already when he said let's keep going because he's either afraid he's gonna show emotions(god forbid he shed a tear) or so emotional to talk about the subject.

"I don't think I would even recognize if I was being put through emotional turmoil. This is just so sad.

"That doesn't mean you weren't being put through it, that just might mean that you're shutting things off" Anthony explained so well in this sentence.

And this part i definitely agree with Anthony. "How do you know if I'm keeping it to myself?" Cause eyes never lie chico! We can see the sadness showing from them. The fake smile thing is like. Ok yeah I don't think he's fake smiling in every smile but i think when he's actually hurt he just smiles at the person hurting him. Even in this video there are so many moments that you can see he's upset he just smiles and moves on. Not wanting to make things worse or trying to keep everything going. Don't wanna mess up again. But you can't live a life like that. You can't just accept everything anyone is giving and not have a breaking point. Idk him so idk if he had that point already or he'd have that in the future but i know if he keeps ignoring everything and trying to push them aside it's burst. (It's not about Anthony leaving this is not about anyone else I'm talking about Ian's feelings)

And the last part yeah I think we know the real Ian. Cause even if he pushes his feelings aside he's who he is. Him hiding his hurt moments is not gonna affect anyone but himself.

Also wanna add I was so so upset when he said he thought Smosh was his and Ian was just a sidekick to him and even then Ian just smiled and kept going. It's so obvious he knows Anthony felt that way at the time. He's not shocked about this. He probably had his moments about that. I'm so glad Anthony realized that Smosh is not this and that Smosh is them together. And praise him every chance he has for that.

Lastly. I was really sad when Ian said "I forgive you" and Anthony laughed with "for what?" I think this was the only moment we actually see Ian trying to show his emotions and Anthony's joke makes it go away immediately and Ian smiled and hid his emotions again with "just kidding". Again this is all me just putting my thoughts out there but I think Ian deserved an apology or at least a thank you(which Anthony probably did them in private i think) cause he fought to keep Smosh together for years alone. So there was something Anthony could ask forgiveness for. Yes it was the best decision for Anthony and his mental health and it definitely helped him. And Ian could have left with him but didn't. But if he didn't try to stay and fight there wouldn't be a Smosh to turn back to. Wow that was dark.

Anyways this is me overthinking for something I shouldn't at fuckin 2am and I swear I have a life outside this. I just love analysing shit and talking about it ok?

[syn4k]

Bestie. Beetle. Do I even need the screenshot?

"Well," said Joe, lounging casually sideways on a chair, lime-green phone in hand, "this sure is a close race."

"For someone who's about to get his ass kicked, you seem awfully chill," said Quackity suspiciously, sitting on a barstool in the kitchen, looking over his shoulder.

Joe sighed. "You know, your preoccupation with violence is really starting to worry me. Now take that with a grain of salt, since I know a lot of violent people, but I don't know you very well. I have a good therapist, if you want her number."

"Señor, you think therapy can fix me?" scoffed Quackity, taking a sip of whiskey from a bottle nearby. "It'd have to be a damn good therapist. There's no way I'm paying for that."

"The U.S healthcare system is exorbitantly expensive," conceded Joe with a shrug. "That's entirely fair of you."

"We're supposed to like, be mean to each other," said Quackity, turning around on the chair fully this time and leaning against the bar, arms crossed.

"Nobody told me that," said Joe, idly scrolling.

"Well I mean yeah, but also, it's a competition," said Quackity. "I threw punches with that Grian guy. He fought like the fucking devil, man. Did you bring like, a gun or whatever?"

"Nope," said Joe.

"Do you even want to fight me?"

"I'm a pacifist."

"Then why the hell did you even bother at all?" asked Quackity, losing his patience. "Like come on."

"It's just for fun," said Joe, looking up. "Now, my friend Cleo is currently busy with someone else, but if you want me to schedule something with her-"

"Hell no. I've heard about Cleo. I'm not doing that."

"Okay, I'm getting mixed signals," said Joe. "You're the one who said you wanted to fight. Do you want to or do you not?"

"I said I wanted to fight, not get my ass kicked! There's a difference!"

"I'll give you her number," said Joe, scribbling on a piece of paper with a lime green pencil.

"The therapist, or Cleo's? Either way, I don't want it."

"They're the same person."

"What the fuck, dude."

[eideticspider]

closed || @spiderbyhalf

She was still reeling from Dr. Sinclair's...ASTUTE observation when she met with Miguel for LUNCH. Bundled up a little in her white coat, she's pleased that the CHILL in the air accounted for the warm pink glow in her cheeks.

'Well it's OBVIOUS to everyone but you, Cindy. I think the reason you're having these FEELINGS is because you're...pardon the confusion, having FEELINGS.'

Her therapist hadn't looked at her unkindly or even with PITY. She thought she had detected a faint trace of amusement in her kind eyes as Cindy detailed her confusion--the fuzzy tingling she felt when she was around her best friend. How SAFE and HAPPY he made her feel and her anxiety that she could lose him as a FRIEND.

Dr. Sinclair just merely peered over the rims of her glasses and smiled. "You really wanted to PAY me to tell you what's so obvious? I don't know how I forget you were isolated for so long."

Cindy took a long sip of her hot apple cider, one hand in her coat pocket as she blinked in the beginning flurries in the air. Thanksgiving was coming up, as Miguel had just REMINDED her and she knew her plans were already set in stone.

"I don't...actually really do the THANKSGIVING dinner thing with my family. I mean, I did as a CHILD and then for the first year out of the bunker but now...?" Her cheeks warm again and she can't pass this off from the cold. She just offers up a wan chuckle. "I promise I'm not AVOIDING them so...don't think that I HATE my family. I just have better places to be."

She takes a bite of her croissant and shrugs her shoulders, dusting her fingers off immediately after setting the pastry back down. "Although it would be pretty FUNNY to bring you to dinner with my MOTHER again," she grinned, leaning her head back. "I just don't know if you'd enjoy or be interested in where I actually go instead. But it's really IMPORTANT to me."

[angelisgonnastartchangingurls]

robbie, jim, and jenny

annie and robbie were trying to be good. tonight, instead of fucking, annie was jerking him off as he knelt over her and she masturbated with her panties on. one of his knees was between her legs, and so annie rubbed herself against his thigh in a way that felt satisfyingly pathetic and needy. when he was close she pulled her panties down so he could cum directly on her pussy, which she then rubbed into and onto herself as she finished. robbie watched her messy orgasm with a pleased, hungry look on his face. as annie came, he was still hard, and so she gasped, involuntarily, "just fuck me a little."

she giggled as she struggled to yank her panties off and he struggled to preserve his erection, but they figured it out and managed 45 seconds or so of giddy fucking, enough to either get annie off again or just to give her a very intense orgasmic aftershock -- hard to say which.

annie, still a stupid-level of sweaty and horny, took some pictures of her cum-coated pussy in the bathroom and immediately sent them to jim and to her father.

"the you and robbie thing is so hot," jim said on their private thread. robbie had recently informed her that jim knew everything, which annie was rather aroused by. "it has me looking at my sister in a weird and new way, haha."

jim's sister jenny lived in colorado, she was kind of a stoner ski bum type, who often posted videos on instagram of herself taking ice baths on her snowy front porch in her underwear. they were not all that dirty -- she was sometimes clearly wearing a thong but never showed it more than from the side.

"we should explore that," annie replied.

"you sound like a therapist, but evil and horny."

"that's about right."

her dad texted her. "having a fun evening?" he asked.

"very much," annie replied. "you?"

in reply, he sent a picture of his cock in her mom's pussy. annie hated to admit what a great cunt her mom had. but she focused more on his thick, veiny cock and the rings of her creamy cum around the base of it.

"you're such a good husband making her cum on that nice thick shaft," she said. "did you fill that pussy with your load?"

"no," he said, sending her a picture of her mother naked and absolutely covered from bush to tits with cum.

"wow!" she said. "that is really fucking impressive."

annie was unsurprised that robbie had been sent the same photo from their mother the next morning. "could you get this much cum on me?" she'd asked him, teasingly.

"keep teasing me like that and i'll have to try," he said.

"don't threaten me with a good time," she said.

that morning, annie filled her bathtub with ice and made a video of herself getting into it, nude. she was surprised that it didn't shock her the way she thought it would. it felt pretty nice. she sent the video to jim and told him to relay it to his sister. "i hope my nudity will be a conversation starter."

an hour later, jim sent her screenshots of their text exchange.

jim: you have inspired my friend annie to start doing the ice bath thing jenny: nice! jenny: also whoa you have female friends who just send you videos of themselves naked? jim: annie is very open, haha jenny: well, she's hot. i bet she gets a lot of attention for her rack but i love the full bush! jim: me too jenny: does julia rock that? jim: no, a landing strip jenny: like a porn star? jim: yes jenny: ok i should ask her for tips. i always wanted to try that. jim: honestly she'd love that but what the hell kind of tips would you need? jenny: razor make and model, like, does she use a ruler to make sure it's centered? etc. jim: haha jenny: does julia know annie sends you videos like that? jim: they are best friends and we're like, very close. jenny: oooh, meaning like you fuck?!? jim: ok chill. but yeah. jenny: wowowow! first of all love that for you jim: yeah it's awesome jenny: julia eats pussy? jim: very much so jenny: i have a new level of respect for her jim: do you? jenny: i never have but i would love to try. the closest i ever got was fingering my friend becky in high school. jim: becky was hot. jenny: i made her cum and she would not reciprocate! jim: ok, what a bitch jenny: THANK YOU jenny: what about you, you ever dabble with dick? LOL jim: well julia and i have done the other version of a threesome too, so i've had my dick rubbed against another dick and have been in very close proximity to another one in action. jenny: julia takes it in the ass? she is a goddess. never leave her. jim: yeah i know jenny: that is so hot. not to be a weirdo but yeah. jim: julia doing anal? jenny: yeah and the two dicks thing. what a dream. jim: yeah it rules jenny: i want to ask more questions but not have you think i'm a pervert jim: this is a safe space, ask away jenny: do you both like jerk off on her at the end? cum on her together? jim: we have, yeah jenny: that is such a fantasy for me. i jerk off about that a lot. sorry. jim: haha that's fine. i don't mind. also like, you could easily get two guys to fuck you. jenny: i doubt it. jim: you're a very attractive woman! you can just walk out on the street and ask for it. jenny: well thank you but idk. jim: do you have two male friends who are single? jenny: yes. i wouldn't want to make it weird. jim: you could just ask them to cum on you. start there. jenny: again not to be gross but the idea of that makes me so wet i feel like i'm gonna pass out. jim: that's not gross that's hot. jenny: lol. i can't believe you are like really this open and honest about this stuff. it's refreshing, i like it.

and then jim sent her a picture of julia covered in his and robbie's cum.

jenny: fuck!!!! jenny: omg!!!! jenny: she looks so good! jenny: that's your cum! LOL jim: haha, sorry, you know, you said you like the openness. jenny: i do! i fucking love this! jenny: i am still in bed and i just had to take my panties off. jim: lol yeah right

and then she sent him a picture of herself, from her POV, so very tame, of her bare legs and pussy on her bed. she had a little patch of trimmed pubic hair and strong tanlines from what looked like a fairly athletic, chaste bathing suit bottom.

jim: that almost looks like a landing strip jenny: no it's just like lazy shaving and trimming jenny: also i can't believe i sent u that sorry haha just horny and stoned jim: it's good. you look good. i am also still in bed but i never had underwear on to begin with jenny: LOL YEAH RIGHT

so jim sent her a picture from his POV of his semi-inflated cock laying across his leg on his bed.

jenny: cock alert! jenny: haha wow that is your cock jenny: it looks like a nice one, congrats to you and jenny jim: eh, it's ok jenny: it looks a little sad right now jenny: look back at your cum-covered fiancee and what happens then?

jim, not shy about taking the bait, sent her a pic of his fully-erect cock

jenny: well, fuck! jenny: it's very big jenny: now i need an ice bath jim: when you're not making instagram videos do you still wear underwear? jenny: yeah i have neighbors jim: haha i dare you to go naked today

before annie was even done reading the texts, she'd stopped to ask jim to come over. he got there a few minutes later, neither one of them had showered or anything, but they fucked, and jim took several pictures and videos, which annie thought was a good idea, particularly the video of jim cumming on annie's bush. they were reviewing a ten second clip of annie pounding jim's cock when the video clip from jenny came in -- filming herself fully naked getting into her front porch ice bath.

jim: hell yeah jim: you look hot by the way jenny: i have like no tits jim: you probably froze them off. but i like the little tits. and the little bush. jenny: did you take an ice bath too? jim: no i went to annie's apartment and fucked her. jenny: LOL! no way jim: i can prove it but i don't know if you'd want to see jenny: please send lol i already feel so dirty so fuck it

so jim sent both the video of annie pounding his cock and the video of himself jerking off onto her bush.

jenny: oh godddd jenny: fuck, oh no! it's so hot! jim: haha, thank you. jenny: i love watching you cum, oh my god! it's amazing. jenny: i'm touching myself i have to confess jim: show us jenny: us? jim: annie wants to see jenny: oh that makes me feel less guilty!

and then she sent a video of herself masturbating. it wasn't too graphic -- she filmed it from the foot of her bed, but had panties on. it was a full three minutes, including orgasm.

jim: that was hot. jenny: the next time i see you i am going to be SO WEIRD. jim: annie says she'll fuck you over thanksgiving if you're coming home jenny: well i am definitely coming home now!

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

First of all, I love your blog and it's been my go to for anything aroace related for a hot minute (partially because of the bots taking over the ace tag. Again...) but also it's just a really chill and welcoming environment. Y'all don't deserve any of the random hate you've been getting and I'm bringing a bulldozer to scrape any lingering fools off their goofy little soapboxes. And I actually haven't been on tumblr much since Noah joined, so Hi Noah! Welcome!

I also wanna thank you for all the helpful info you have because it's really helped me figure things out with my own identity and I feel much happier having proper labels for myself! And I wanted to vent/laugh about this recent interaction I had with my father. I'm not even mad, I just can't help but find it funny.

Me: I need to find a good therapist to help with my depression and anxiety.

Dad: You should try a dating website! You can meet and talk to people! It helped me.

Me: Yeeeeaaaaah, that's gonna be a no.

He really doesn't mean anything bad by that but he's... very tone deaf sometimes. I have tried dropping hints about my identity to him but he's an old man and he's probably never gonna get it. So I just tell him that dating sites don't have the kind of people I'd be interested in talking to, which isn't a lie either because I have heard too many horror stories from my friend. But yeah it just made me laugh because he couldn't be more wrong if he tried. If anything, I'd need a therapist solely for the stress of navigating a dating site in the first place lol

that is honestly hilarious lmao (also hi :D it is I, noah)