#i feel like we specific types of survivors have so much in common

[starblaster]

conversion 'therapy' survivors 🤝 psychiatric survivors 🤝 ABA survivors 🤝 special education program and IEP survivors 🤝 troubled teen industry survivors 🤝 cult survivors

[andavs]

Eddie’s PTSD

So I’ve been reading I Always Sit with My Back to the Wall, which is about PTSD in veterans specifically, and I’m pretty sure at least one of the 911 writers read it because it seems to be the instructions they built Eddie from. I didn’t start reading it for any reason relating to 911, but once it clicked, it was hard not to think about Eddie because it describes pretty much everything about him.

The book talks about two general groupings of symptoms that veterans with PTSD often fall into (generally speaking, obviously it’s not always either/or): “Locked and Loaded” and “Hunkered in the Bunker”.

“Locked and Loaded” (fight/flight) is how we usually see veterans dealing with war trauma represented in media. They’re always on guard and hypervigilant. They have an exaggerated startle response, they’re prepared for attack, they’re ready to fight, and it’s a lot more outwardly apparent that something is wrong. It’s actively protecting themselves and having an active, physical response to a situation their instincts perceive as a threat, whether that’s defense or retreat.

“Hunkered in the Bunker” (freeze) is more of an internal slow down, preserving energy to survive until the odds are better and it’s safe to move. It’s being emotionally numb and avoidant, pretending everything is fine, never complaining, and often staying in traumatic situations that are overwhelming and stressful because moving feels futile or more dangerous. It’s considered more passive, “hiding” to protect from both danger and attention. (Sidenote: medical professionals often develop a freeze response in order to treat their patients in dangerous situations.)

Male veterans are often portrayed as the former, but in 911, it’s Maddie whose symptoms tend to fall into that category, always ready for fight or flight.

She was hypervigilant. She slept with a baseball bat even with her over-the-top security system. She took down the wind chimes so they wouldn’t interfere with her listening for danger, and she eventually slept in her work uniform with her shoes on, bat in hand.

She got increasingly agitated until she snapped at Buck and left the room when he and Chimney bought her a Christmas tree and decorations, reminding her of previous Christmases with Doug.

She was jumpy and startled easily, like at the call center with Sue, and with Chimney in his apartment after she dropped a plate.

She was uncharacteristically aggressive, tracking down Tara and basically stalking her to try and save her, lying to get close to her to protect her from her husband.

She packed up and ran from Doug, she was going to run from LA until Buck talked her into staying, and then she did run in order to regroup after her suicide attempt.

Maddie has very active responses to feeling unsafe. She spent years hiding and trying to make herself as small as possible to minimize Doug’s abuse, hunkered down, but in the end it was actively running and fighting back that saved her. That’s the state she got locked into.

From what I’ve read, it’s more common for abuse survivors to develop a freeze response because they feel trapped and are often unable to leave for a variety of reasons. So I find it interesting that they gave Maddie the more active, physical responses, because Eddie the war veteran consistently falls into the latter category. Pretty much since he was first introduced, he’s been freezing—but only in his personal life.

When he’s on the job, he doesn’t hesitate. Warzones are his thing. It’s not uncommon for veterans, with and without PTSD, to seek out first responder jobs because it puts them in a similar environment to being deployed. It’s familiar. They’re with a team they trust, they’re making important decisions, they’re taking action, they’re performing under the type of pressure they’ve become accustomed to, and their instincts are an asset rather than something to fight and work around. 

But in his private life, Eddie freezes. A lot.

He stayed where he felt “safe” It’s not uncommon for someone with PTSD to equate familiar with safe. It’s why many victims of abuse can end up stuck in a cycle of abusive relationships, or why traumatized veterans might reenlist rather than face the chaos of civilian life. It’s not actually safer, but they know what to expect and how to react so it feels safer.   Staying in Texas and working three jobs until his parents wanted custody. Struggling as a single parent for months but not contacting Shannon until the school required it. Continuing to work as an active duty firefighter as his mental health was worsening, staying with Ana as he was having panic attacks—Eddie doesn’t really make moves until he has to. He often only moves when someone “has his back” or gives him permission, whether it’s in the form of approval, support, or a suggestion. He pretty much never makes a change for himself on his own because he wants to. He stays where it’s “safe” until he’s forced or given permission to move, no matter how miserable he is.  

He had difficulty trusting and connecting in relationships Living with PTSD is constantly assessing and managing risks, and people and relationships are risks. For someone with PTSD, starting relationships can be easy when it’s casual, but as things get serious and require vulnerability, taking bigger risks, that can trigger an internal warning system. With both Shannon and Ana, Eddie was generally okay while things were casual, or when Christopher was the focus, but as they got more serious and required his own vulnerability, he got uncomfortable.   Shannon thought they were reconciling after she’d been back and they’d been sleeping together for months, but he still couldn’t trust her. Even after she was reunited with Christopher, Eddie kept her at a distance from himself; she wanted to be more involved, even just with finances, and he told her not to worry about it. She wanted to define their relationship, whether or not they were actually back together, and he avoided it until she told him she might be pregnant, at which point he had to make up his mind (after talking to Bobby about it). And with Ana (after Bobby encouraged him to ask her out), he did the opposite and charged ahead, even when Ana offered to slow down. Every step forward in their relationship caused him more anxiety, but he kept denying it and stuck it out until Buck gave him permission to quit. He was hesitant to introduce her to Christopher as his girlfriend. He was fretting over throw pillows for the first time ever when he introduced her to Carla. He got defensive and nervous when the team pointed out that meeting her family was a serious step. He had panic attacks at the suggestion of marriage. Then during the breakup, when he couldn’t/didn’t have to force it anymore, he was completely locked down, arms crossed, back to the fridge, even as she tried to connect one last time.  

He had a reduced range of emotions Many veterans come home and find they can’t feel much besides negative emotions like anger, irritability, and depression, which can leave them with an uncharacteristically short temper.   Eddie told Frank back in season three that he wasn’t feeling positive emotions, and he definitely had a short fuse when he’s normally one of the more even keeled and unflappable members of the team. He punched a stranger in the parking lot, he yelled at Buck in the grocery store, he joined a fight club—none of that is normal Eddie. Then after the sniper, as more stress and traumas piled on, his emotions seemed to lock down even more, judging by his non-reaction to being held at gunpoint, and his face while listening to the woman who was ready to kill herself just to feel something.   This can also affect relationships, because how do you love and trust your partner if you can’t fully feel love or happiness or intimacy? Even Eddie could only fake it for so long.   

He needed to be in control Control is one way to feel just the slightest bit safer when your body is telling you you’re constantly in danger, and Eddie was constantly looking for control—of himself, his emotions, Christopher’s care with his many emails, taking on responsibilities alone even while Shannon wanted to share them. He wouldn’t even talk to her about money while they were co-parenting again, even though she's the only other person who knows what kinds of bills he's dealing with.   Everything was tightly wound and neatly compartmentalized. He was hesitant to tell the team about Christopher and even Bobby seemed confused at the news. The only reason Shannon or Ana met the 118 was because they both showed up at the station to surprise him, and we only saw Ana with his family during the surprise party planned while he was in the hospital; we never saw him make the choice to introduce them.   

He withdrew socially For someone who feels under threat but doesn’t have a way to escape because it’s constant, the only escape they have available is mental and emotional, which can cause them to become withdrawn and reclusive. Eddie doesn’t have that many relationships outside of work hours, really just Buck, Chris, and Carla—but he used to!   In season three he had scenes with Bosko, with other parents, he had Hen and Denny over, the whole team was at his house for a party, they were all out at a bar together. Then Covid hit and he really only saw Buck and Ana. Then he got shot, he broke up with Ana, and in 5a we only saw Eddie with Buck outside of work once. It isn’t until Eddie's finally breaking and Buck practically moves in that we see him outside of work with anyone other than Chris and Carla (who was primarily there for Chris).  

He was fatigued Constantly bracing for danger is exhausting, both physically and mentally, but even more so when your body’s constantly trying to conserve energy in a high stress situation it can’t get out of. When in this hunkered down state, everything slows down to survive long term. All throughout 5a as his symptoms were steadily increasing, Eddie was constantly rubbing his eyes and looking exhausted. It’s possible he had insomnia and nightmares throughout the whole season, but they didn’t show it until after he transferred to dispatch and everything was coming to a head in 5b.

People who develop this freeze/shut down response are often people who couldn’t escape their traumatic situation, whether it’s physically, mentally, or emotionally. And for pretty much all of Eddie’s traumas, he was trapped in some way. In Afghanistan he was hunkered down and out of ammo, nowhere to go just waiting for rescue or death; in the well he was buried under forty feet of mud as water was rising; he was bleeding out in the street and unable to do anything but reach for Buck; he was held at gunpoint in the back of an ambulance for hours. He got locked into that freeze response and couldn’t get himself back out.

In the lead-up to his breakdown, all of the fandom theories of what caused it related back to one of the more physically active PTSD symptoms: he has a flashback and attacks Buck, he’s hypervigilant and he protects himself from a perceived threat with the bat, he gets triggered by something and grabs the bat and almost attacks Buck, etc.

But even as he got worse, Eddie had nightmares at home, not flashbacks he outwardly reacted to. Insomnia, but not hypervigilance like Maddie. He only verbally snapped at Bobby when he was at the absolute end of his rope and desperate for a solution, and when he finally broke, he kept the door locked so Christopher wouldn’t see. All of his responses were still very contained and “hunkered down”, which as the book notes, leaves no stress outlet so it builds like a pressure cooker. For the last few years, firefighting served as an outlet so he could keep it together, but once he lost that, he collapsed.

Prior trauma in life can also dictate how PTSD presents itself, and even before enlisting, Eddie’s probably felt trapped in some way for pretty much his entire life. His dad boxed him into this suck it up, “man of the house” mindset when he was ten years old. His girlfriend got pregnant and they had to get married (he told Bobby he wasn’t ready). He suddenly had to provide for his own family with a high school diploma, so he enlisted. Even going to LA was to get away from his parents pressuring him to give them custody, and then he immediately got “stuck” trying to find care for Christopher.

And going back to his breakdown, he spent that afternoon listening to the call of a woman who felt like he did and was desperately looking for a way out by killing herself for just the possibility of feeling something on the way down. Then she was saved, and she wasn’t actually like him, she had a condition to explain it that could be fixed. So he tried to reach out to those who might understand what he was going through and they were all gone. Everyone he saved who made the pain worth it was gone. They got out; he was trapped. And then he physically trapped himself further by locking the door.

(Sidenote: each person from the helicopter crash died of a different common problem among vets dealing with PTSD: reenlisting to try to delay its effects, drug use to escape, the car crash could be from thrill-seeking behavior trying to replicate the rush of combat, and suicide.) 

The book also talks about the phrase “embrace the suck”, which is commonly used in the military. Basically, you can try to fight your terrible circumstances, get worn down, and eventually break…or you can accept it, embrace it, and get the job done, because not doing the job isn’t an option. This “tough it out” mindset helps in combat, in that you can complete your mission and get back alive, but it becomes detrimental when it persists in everyday civilian life and becomes passive acceptance and resignation towards things you can and should change. When you let yourself get trapped. This can be staying in unhealthy relationships, stressful jobs, or living with symptoms of PTSD instead of getting help.

Eddie’s never said that phrase verbatim, but “brush it off, keep moving forward” or “pain is weakness leaving the body” captures the spirit pretty damn well. He’s become hardwired to stick it out and power through the suck to the point of cornering himself, even when there are options available that other people see easily. Many of his problems have been solved in one conversation with another person. (Another symptom of PTSD can be a lack of creativity and imagination because your mind doesn’t feel safe enough to play; how do you improve your circumstances when you can’t imagine anything better to work towards?)

I really wish we’d seen the moment he decided he was ready to return to the 118. In “May Day” we saw him happy to be back with the team and back in his element—saving people who were all trapped. But something still held him back because he didn’t return until the montage at the end of the season. Even when he went to talk to Bobby after Jonah, he said he didn’t have transfer papers, so he seemingly hadn’t started the process yet. Something was still holding him back, and I’m dying to know what it was, because that might’ve been the first choice he made for himself because he wanted it, and not because he felt pressured or cornered.

Eddie’s been trapped for a long time, and season six might be the first time we see him finally feeling free.

[switchcase]

Do you think the rise in people claiming to have experienced RAMCOA is more based in it being discussed therefore recognized more? Or are we seeing it starting to become some sort of buzzword/“trendy” thing to claim (for lack of a better term). Is it that people are using the term too loosely and watering it down? I’ve just seen a huge uptick in the usage of the term in the past ~year and was wondering what your opinion was.

So there's a lot of factors going on in this. I would say most of it is not malicious or consciously done. Unfortunately, sometimes the lack of malicious intent doesn't stop actions from harming others.

The ONLY thing I would say that is not a factor at all is actually how much the topic is talked about. Survivors have always been talking about this stuff and it's not really more or less recognized. The difference is just that the term "RAMCOA" is used more often. As opposed to trafficking, as opposed to war survivor, as opposed to torture survivor, etc.

1) The biggest one is simply not understanding what RAMCOA is in the first place. To your point of watering down, people seem to not be cognizant of how TBMC especially is conducted and believe things like indoctrination is TBMC when it is not. Thinking that religious abuse automatically equals RA/OA, equating religions/cults in general with RA, stuff like that. Also going to toss in a grave misunderstanding of dissociative disorders in general here.

2) Commodification of mental illnesses in general in social media spaces, where the more "out there" stuff gets more attention.

3) Validity culture and trying to have it the worst to feel "valid" and/or as social currency in frankly unhealthy social environments. Most survivors do not feel that their trauma is "enough", regardless of what trauma they survived, and sometimes this plays out like survivors seeking other "worse" traumas that they believe they MUST have gone through to be this way. This goes back into point 2 also--people used to talk about how they felt bad that they "only" had PTSD and not DID because DID was thought to be the "worst" trauma disorder, and now that a lot of people say they have DID, they've moved on to picking into trauma types instead. In certain social spaces, labels act as social currency. If you have x experience or are y identity then you may speak on the subject and noone is allowed to question you. There's nuance to this of course because lived experience blah blah but it boils down to *some* people seeing this as a way to gain control over social spaces, feel in power, and feel as if they have some authority. So they collect these labels and identities as a way to harbor social power, and for some of these people they will seek out the more uncommon/rare stuff because it guarantees them a level of power rather than being one voice in a sea of a more "common" label.

3a) On a race front because I'm brown and unfortunately can't close my eyes to the racial aspect of these things. For the sake of time I'm being short about this, there are much more eloquently worded discussions on these things that are much more in depth, but: white people often use identities and labels as a way to distance themselves from whiteness as a way to prove that they do not benefit or at least do not benefit "as much" from white supremacy. And white women specifically historically and currently have a fascination with victimhood as a way of distancing themselves from white men and maintaining their own image as helpless in the face of racial violence.

4) Sadly part of the "just because it's not malicious doesn't make it not harmful" effect is from the trend of pathologizing any/all behaviors and reactions. I've had people tell me that they were in some server or got a DM from someone who just outright told them that they were a survivor completely unprompted. People think that being triggered by RAMCOA related topics equates to having survived it in some way when the reality is it is simply an unsettling and triggering topic. I've seen people say that because they have an unhealthy relationship to sex currently that they must be a CSA survivor. Things like that where people jump to conclusions based on very little information because of a behavior or reaction they had.

4a) Social influence. Someone is friends with a survivor and they begin to fear that they may be a survivor themselves, for any reason ranging from not remembering their own stuff, relating to the friend, they are really suggestible or have psychosis symptoms, etc. Usually this one is pretty brief though.

5) There is a current cultural fascination with trauma in the west. The reality is that the vast majority of people HAVE or WILL experience a traumatic event at least once in their life. Most people statistically will not develop any long term post traumatic symptoms from it. There is nothing inherently wrong with talking about these things, but there is a way that western society currently engages with trauma that is extremely Freudian and rather useless to everyone involved. This goes hand in hand too with commodification of mental health. Honestly, I wouldn't say the people who are complaining about the coming rise of a second "satanic panic" are completely incorrect, just that their takes are very focused in discrediting individual survivors as "liars" and "outrageous" rather than looking at an overall societal issue.

Those are all the ones I could think of off the top of my head, I'm probably overlooking some stuff but it is a Saturday night in my defense.

[granulesofsand]

CW: attemptively non-detailed mentions of abuse, csa, animal death+torture, paraphilias (non contact) ABA, every classic categories of abuse, think thats it

[If this is not allowed ask my bad you can delete, I sincerely mean no harm] I apologizing if this is incoherent at all i am very brain disordered at the moment but this is the most clarity I have on things in awhile. We have been very certain on atleast C-DID levels of complexity for some time and it opened many doors and is all incredibly complicated, but have also been having issue of relating to HC-DID in ways that feel am not allowed because did not go thru a cult or outside sources (to our knowledge, only had small handful of time to process things and have high amnesia dissociation and other disorders)

we did go through some things, like here is things experience to my knowledge, have had so little time to process after life of amnesia + dissociation;

force exposure to gore & genuine satanism & satanic sacrifice & rituals, relatives torturing mutilating killing animals for sacrifice / pleasure (including pets especially meant for us) made to believe we were demon -- csa (only process rn thru somatic flashbacks etc) one of relatives was predator -- through ABA (or other organization) at young age, did inhumane things not hear of doing to others, it was maybe worse than we think, feel like it set us up for dissociative states -- beating, isolating, starving, threat of murder, strange punishments, we had adapt to be certain ways try not to be hurt and go into trance states (/or alter switch?) and inability to make noise or sob etc -- have alters who hold takeover reactions of hurt or mutulate self, of run back to them, of unalive, of do awful thing to animals like abusers had us do and did, struggle with several paraphilias and Aspd -- relatives seem to work together at times in things and use hurting us to get along or participate together -- think related to some TB/MC things for reasons I can no longer access memory to, know that they did make us go into states and be certain ways and dissociate and the organization was a part of this and or set us up for it likely -- have not just subsystem but experience layering and sidesystem aswell (many of the reactive alters are here the ones who can harm, but cannot reach them) some other innerworld structure type things

when I share too much / think on details things happen and i can't help it so I don't go in detail I hope this is okay, I try sometimes to dig and it can make some alters react in selfharm/unalive/harmful ways and i lose clarity. I don't know, I feel relation to some things of HC-DID and find help in there, but I know I cannot take space, I am just very confused and there is so little resource for some specific experiences -- I suppose I am unsure if I can even be in this space, do I have any reason other than relating and it helping us, only finding some relations in here and understandings ,_, lost; & too much

🗝️🏷️ mentioned above, RAMCOA

Before I start, I want to say that I am neither you nor your clinician, and my opinions are based only on the few paragraphs here. Whatever you conclude, that’s your process and you should hold the reigns.

RAMCOA

So. With what you’ve said, I can say that you are a RAMCOA survivor if you choose to identify as such. Below is anything else I thought possibly helpful.

Ritual Abuse doesn’t have to take place in organized groups. It doesn’t require a group at all. It’s a particular flavor of religious/belief-based trauma describing the use of symbolism as a centerpiece to the abuse.

Satanic imagery is particularly common in majority Christian areas, and can be used in an abuse dynamic as a true faith or as a method of normalizing extreme violence. Exposure to that qualifies you as a survivor of RA.

There was a time when RA was SRA, the S standing for Satanic, though it’s no longer used for all incidents of RA. Satanic Panic and Satanic Ritual Abuse are different, but not everyone knows that. I would not recommend straight Googling those terms, but there are both books and survivor spaces that will understand.

It also looks to me as though programming, or at least Mind Control may have taken place. Programming is what makes a system Highly Complex. All programming is MC, but not all MC is programming. HC-DID systems were intentionally split, structured, or controlled via cue-response or other heavy conditioning.

Abusers don’t have to know specific words or be affiliated with any group to create a programmed system. Organized Abuse can cooccur, referring to high control groups like cults and trafficking rings, but is not necessary for programming.

Mind Control

Mind Control is intentional, but it doesn’t require the awareness of the current perpetrator. Sometimes called Manipulative Conditioning, it refers to a plethora of practices; for example

Generational groups can program members without any ill meaning because those inflicting the programming are in turn also programmed.

McDonald’s is using MC if they research color schemes for advertising with the intent of drawing in customers, but not if they choose it because they happened to like that same set of colors.

I would also say that MC is inherently abusive. It is a different thing to teach a child not to break a glass by reacting negatively and then repairing the bond than it is to knowingly use the same negative reaction to induce disordered eating. It’s a matter of control and agency which we are not currently capable of utilizing safely.

For those reasons, ABA is also MC. It aims to change behaviors with the intention of forcing conformity. It becomes Torture*-Based MC when pain is weaponized for this purpose, or Drug-Based MC when substances are present. (*I consider torture and trauma alike when purposefully applied.)

Programming

T/DBMC both include a deeper level of intention and coercion, and I would not correct someone who called these experiences programming. My own definition of programming leans into the specific outcome that pairs with the intention, and I cannot decide for another whether their experiences meet this standard.

Sidesystems in HC-DID refer to subgroups of alters placed away from other alters by programmers, often with a particular purpose. Some plurals use sidesystem as only a subgroup of alters away from other alters, which is therefore possible without programming.

Layers are not, to my knowledge, limited by any HC-DID definition. They appear with frequency in programmed systems because they can be used for organization, and because many experiences** common among RAMCOA survivors can create similar structuring (**repetition in MC or RA, need to separate large groups of alters, different innerworld settings that cannot be contained in one area).

I will include that having both of these, as well as surviving RA and MC, can be indicative of programming. Some HC-DID systems consider all polyfrag RAMCOA systems HC, others place more emphasis on programming than structure. Some insist upon both.

HC-DID

There is no label police that will revoke your license, only people who are sometimes mean. You are the one who decides whether or not to call your system HC, and you don’t have to explain your story for anyone but yourselves.

We believe that other alters do not owe information to even their own systemmates, but that bit is for y’all to decide.

Try not to push too hard for memories. Listen to others inside and work with each other where possible, as trust makes communication easier. It’s hard to work with trauma, especially of this variety, and I hope that you find community with whichever labels you use.

[melomanic-logophile]

my ex (years ago when I was in school) had an abusive family that was crazier than I had ever seen or heard of at the time.

Hearing similar stories or seeing similar parents/ parents doing similar to what their parents would do is a trigger and makes me feel disgusted, sad, and extremely upset.

These parents were so bad that anytime I was around them I literally was terrified. They had that one app on the kids phone, which tracked them and alerted them any time a bad word was texted (to or from someone), they controlled everything on the phone. This kid had to tell the parents where they were at all times, sending pictures, calling, or video calling as proof. They had to go home at specific times each day to feed the animals and if they didn’t they would be verbally berated. They couldn’t leave a thing out of place, they couldn’t do a single thing wrong or they would be abused and lose certain privileges. Our relationship was secret and we had code words while texting to signify certain things. Their parents both worked doing… important jobs, but were alcoholics who did c*ke.

I stayed over at their house only a handful of times, and each time was so extremely terrifying that I have no clue how this kid did it. I guess they were used to it, being raised like that. I still think about those parents and their parenting sometimes and it makes me want to cry every time. Thinking about it now, I am full of anxiety and tearing up.

Luckily, when we were together they were able to stay at my house quite a bit, and they also stayed with friends a lot (I’m pretty certain the parents just didn’t want the kid, and must have hated the kid… honestly idk). The kid was understandably really messed up and ended up being abusive towards me as well as cheating on me, it wasn’t justified but I understand that, especially since we were young, it was all they knew.

The worst part of this story is how common it is for things like this to happen. Some kids might not even realize that it isn’t normal. This kid had literally not been allowed to go anywhere (except school) for like a year at some point,, and wasn’t even allowed to look their parents in the eyes. This kind of stuff is absolutely not okay and if you notice the signs, and are able to help somebody in a similar situation, then do. If you can’t really help them, even just offering support can be helpful.

If you are in this situation, try reaching out to adults you trust like teachers or counselors- unfortunately they may not be able to do much, but they can at least help support you. For survivors of this type of child ab*se, I am so sorry you went through that and I hope you are doing much better.

[firstcursearchive]

Vecna's curse headcanons / symbolism

I  have  the  need  to  make  this  post  because  supreme  lack  of  narrative  awareness  and  Simply  Not  Getting  It  are  among  the  many,  many  issues  with  the  ST  fandom,  but  I  do  feel  like  its  probably  important  to  mention  it  here  and  I  did  eventually  intend  to  repost  my  post  about  Vecna's  curse  to  Henry's  own  blog  and  have  been  meaning  to  do  that  for  well  over  a  week  now,  lmao.  Right  now,  though,  this  post  will  have  to  do  because  I'm  low  on  spoons.  

Vecna's  curse,  like  most  things  surrounding  Vecna  /  Henry  in  the  fandom,  is  the  subject  of a  pretty  huge  misconception  so,  yeah,  I  have  to  explain  it  here  too.  The  idea  the  fandom  has  is  that  Vecna  targets  people  who  have  trauma  because  he's  evil  and  they're  easy  victims  and  he  enjoys  torturing  them,  along  with  the  fact  he  chooses  "children"  because  again,  easy  victims  and  he's  also  a  [redacted].  

Don't  start  me  on  the  explicit  homophobia  and  chronically  online  thinking  it  took  for  the  fandom  to  reach  that  conclusion.   But  the  thing  is  Vecna  actually  targets  neither  children nor  does  he  target  trauma  survivors  necessarily.  The  "special  thing"  about  Vecna's  curse  is  that  its  literally  a  blatant  analogy  for  depression  and  suicide.  

The  canon  is  so  heavy  handed  in  this  but  for  some  reason  the  fandom  still  fails  to  get  it  98%  of  the  time.  The  feature  of  Vecna's  curse  and  the  common  denominator  among  the  victims  is  that  the  victim  is  carrying  a  "dark  secret"  that  is  taking  a  severe  toll  on  them  mentally  and ��emotionally  and  quite  literally  ending  their  lives  due  to  the  shame  and  guilt  surrounding  this  particular  secret.

A  big  chunk  of  inspo  here  comes  from DnD,  where  Vecna  is  renowned  as  the  master  of  dark  secrets.  He's  a  keeper  of  knowledge.  Which  I've  mentioned  before,  is  another  reason  a  lot  of  this  fandoms  theories  about  how  Vecna's  going  to  do  xyz  in  season  5  are  completely  wrong  and  are  based  on  a  fundamental  misunderstanding  because  Vecna's  curse  is  not  and  has  never  been  about  Vecna  exposing  a  victims  "dark  secrets"  to  anyone  in  the  cast.  We  as  the  audience  are  only  privy  to  them  because  obviously  its  relevant  for  us  to  see  to  understand  the  plot,  but,  yeah,  ultimately  Vecna  doesn't  expose  anything  about  his  victims  outwardly  where  others  would  see  it.  

(  With  the  exception  kind  of  being  Max,  who  naturally  began  to  seek  help  for  her  struggle  and  once  again,  the  depression  /  suicide  analogy  is  very  explicit  here,  but  it  wasn't  Vecna  who  pushed  Max  to  get  this  help  or  made  her  feel  she  had  to  look  for  help.  Vecna's  shtick  is  very  much  the  opposite.  Vecna's  shtick  is  "come  with  me  and  it  will  all  be  over." There  is  no  intention  in  Vecna's  curse  for  the  victim's  secrets  to  be  exposed  to  the  surrounding  cast  in  any  way.  )  

Anyway,  specifically  Vecna's  curse  afflicts  Chrissy  because  of  her  eating  disorder  +  her  mothers  abuse.  It  afflicts  Fred  because  of  his  survivors  guilt.  Max  because  of  her  feelings  surrounding  Billy's  death,  and  Patrick  because  of  his  alcoholism  +  his  fathers  abuse.  These  are  all  "dark  secrets"  that  were  destroying  their  owners.   But  it  doesn't  end  there.  We're  shown  a  brief  moment  of  Vecna's  curse  manifesting  itself  -  essentially  we're  shown  Vecna  "choosing  a  victim".  In  this  scene  we're  shown  a  few  people  in  Hawkins  who  have  some  type  of  secret,  but  ultimately  the  curse  lands  upon  Patrick.  Why ?  

The  answer  lies  in  one  of  the  most  extremely  overlooked  scenes  in  the  entire  season,  yet  one  of  the  most  important  ones  we  saw.  Vecna  is  shown  to  have  precognition.  He  can  see  and  show  others  the  future.  This  makes  the  analogy  of  Venca's  curse  as  a  suicide  thing  even  more  potent  and  literal  because  it  heavily  indicates  the  particular  victims  of  Vecna's  curse  were  not  just  depressed  and  having  suicidal  thoughts,  they  were  actually  actively  headed  toward  committing  suicide  in  the  future.  This  is  what  ultimately  "marked"  them  as  sacrifices  to  open  the  gate.  

So  yeah.  Vecna's  curse  is  not  necessarily  about  trauma  nor  is  it  actually  about  exposing  or  exaggerating  anything  traumatic  the  Victim  has  suffered.  That  being  said,  there  is  a  lot  of  supernatural  repetition  in  Vecna  and  his  curse,  and  things  he  was  a  victim  of  and  suffered  in  his  human  life  sometimes  reflect  because  of  this  and  given  he  was  a  victim  of  serve  abuse,  trauma,  guilt  and  shame,  yes,  often  the  victims  have  trauma  and  are  heavily  relatable  to  Vecna  himself  and  Vecna's  own  personal  experience.  Which  is  a  factor,  I  believe,  in  why  Vecna  often  tries  to  soothe  and  reassure  his  victims  in  their  final  moments.  

And  tbh,  I've  mentioned  this  before  in  more  in  depth  headcanons  about  Henry  /  Vecna  and  the  themes  /  motifs  surrounding  him,  but  Vecna  heavily  mirrors  a  destroying  angel,  a  grim  reaper,  ultimately  an  angel  of  death.  I've  repeatedly  related  him  to  figures  like  Azrael  and  Samael  and  will  continue  to  do  so  because  I'm  Absolutely  Correct,  and  that's  very  much  his  entire  aesthetic  and  I  think  its  crazy  how  people  in  this  fandom  insist  on  talking  about things like  IT/Pennywise  and  sometimes  Freddy  Kruger  and  their  ( painfully  wrong )  ideas  of  how  they  relate  to  Vecna  as  a  character  but absolutely  no  one  wants  to  acknowledge  for  factor  in  Vecna's  own  namesake  from  DnD  OR  the  main  inspiration  behind  him  otherwise  which  is  Pinhead  from  Hellraiser.  Its been blowing my mind since September.

[wisteria-lodge]

Archetypes: Sorting Hat Chats

I’ve been asked about my rationale for naming different primary/ secondary combinations. I did this originally as a tool to help me sort characters - I wanted to see how these types tend to be used, so I could more easily see what subversions looked like. I'll run through my thoughts, but know there’s a lot of variation within each category. But even WITH that variation, I do think that each one has its own specific energy that makes it interesting to talk about. An explanation of the terms I'm using.

DOUBLE LION “THE REVOLUTIONARY”

Pretty straightforward. The Lion primary knows something is wrong, they know it in their bones even if they can’t articulate it, and they’ve got to go out and do something about it. Probably charging at whatever power structure is directly in front of them. It’s unlikely you find a character leading a revolution who isn’t a Double Lion. These guys are intense, inspirational, single minded.

The villain version of the Lion primary tends to be the person who “went too far" or "became the monster they were trying to fight.'' But I think that the much more interesting Lion primary villain trope is the Traitor. Since Lions work from their feelings, and their philosophies can’t necessarily be articulated or linked to individuals outside of them - they can definitely have their head turned while still feeling moral about it.

One of my favorite examples of this Revolutionary archtype is actually Christian Bale‘s character from Newsies. He’s the spark that starts the unionizing revolution, but 100% needs his Badger and Bird lieutenants to keep him focused and keep him from defecting

LION SNAKE “THE ROBIN HOOD”

These guys are similar to the Double Lion - they will recognize a cause or injustice revolutionary style - but Robin Hood doesn’t go up and bang on wicked Prince John’s door. His move is the snake secondary one: confront the problem indirectly. Undermine the regime by stealing tax money and re-distributing it to the poor. Be simultaneously Robin Hood the outlaw and Robin of Locksley the noble, infiltrating and getting information. The Lion Snake is more likely to work within society (or deliberately separate from society) versus just breaking everything down.

LION BIRD “THE LAWMAN / THE VIGILANTE”

The fact that the Lion Bird can either be the Lawman or the Vigilante shows off the very clear hero/villain split you get with Bird secondaries. We also see this with the Snake Bird (simultaneously the Mastermind and the traditional Villain) and the Double Bird (either the Scientist or the Mad Scientist.) This is why I think I had such trouble naming the Badger Bird. I wasn’t leaning into the duality of the Bird secondary enough. The Badger Bird can be the King Arthur, or he can be the Mob Boss, and he’ll look kind of similar either way.

The Lion Bird also has that Lion primary conviction and drive, but they want to follow up on it with investigation, evidence, and plans. I actually think there need to be more stories about Lawmen turning into Vigilantes and vice versa. Because Lion Birds are their Cause no matter what external alignment gets attached to it.

LION BADGER “THE LINCHPIN”

This is my own sorting - although when I came up with this name I still thought I was a Double Bird. The linchpin is the pin-axle thing at the center of a wheel that prevents the whole thing from falling apart, and I think it's a good way of talking about the energy of this combination. The Badger secondary means they’re a lot less single minded than the other Lion primaries: their power comes from being part of a group. They become the emotional “heart” a lot, and have a way of quietly keeping things together just by existing. They can be leaders, but a Double Lion will lead from up front while a Lion Badger will lead from in the middle (if that makes sense.)

I do think it’s really funny that this is a common sleeper villain trope. Peter Pettigrew, Prince Hans, and Randall Boggs of Monsters Inc. all became integral to a group, and then exploit their position within it. They’re kind of the evil bureaucrat. Maybe that's a good trope for children’s media

DOUBLE SNAKE “THE TRICKSTER”

This is another straightforward one. Double Snakes are in it for themselves (and maybe like three other people.) They're going to be clever and tricksy about how they get what they want, and will not mind doing things backward and unofficially. And they won't mind if you know that's what they're doing. There’s something very unapologetic about the Double Snake which makes for very attractive characters. They are consistently voted the sexiest... and when they’re villains they’re fun villains. You know what they want, and what they want is not that complicated. I think that’s a big reason for the appeal of Snake primaries in general. They’re the easiest primary to understand and explain.

SNAKE LION “THE LANCELOT”

I used to call these guys “The Rebel,” which... is too generic, doesn’t really mean anything. So I started thinking about the Lion secondary as the Knight secondary, and I liked that. Double Lions are the Crusader Knight, riding for their Cause. Bird Lions are Grail Knights, riding for their own personal truth. Badger Lions are Champion Knights, here to help the helpless and defend the innocent.

And if that's that case… Snake Lions have to be the Knight Errant, the knight who rides for his lady. It is that simple. Lancelot might be a Knight of the Round Table, but he’s riding for Arthur the person, not Arthur the King. And for his lady, Queen Guinevere. I feel like his dilemma is one that’s common to a lot of Snake Lions: what happens when they’re forced to split their loyalty? It’s tragic, but Lancelot can’t have Arthur and Guinevere simultaneously.

(At least not until my awesome Arthur/Guinevere/Lancelot OT3 which I will totally write at some point :)

SNAKE BIRD “THE MASTERMIND / THE VILLAIN”

The classic. We see a little more of the Bird Secondary split, and well… this is your stereotypical villain. They want power. They’re going to use an elaborate plan to get it. There’s a lot you can do with this sorting, but I actually do think it’s fun that whatever you do, this slight undercurrent of villain and/or mastermind… never quite goes away.

SNAKE BADGER “THE LOVER”

The Love Interest sorting. Chances are very good that if there is a love interest (who does not serve some other role in the story...) they're going to be a Snake Badger. Devoted to one person, solving problems by caretaking. This is the Badger secondary who is likely to have the smallest group, which is just going to make them look excessively devoted to their friends. This type is pretty gender neutral, which is fun. A lot of female love interests, but also your Mr. Darcys and Peeta Mellarks.

One of my favorite things about this trope (mostly just because I think it’s funny...) is that if you write a character who is not supposed to be a love interest, but who is a Snake Badger... subconsciously I think people are going to read them as a love interest anyway. Looking at you Jaskier, Horatio, and even Captain Barbossa.

DOUBLE BIRD “THE [MAD] SCIENTIST”

I think that (especially if you aren’t a Bird Primary yourself) your response to hearing a fictional Bird Primary’s motivation is kind of …huh. That seems random. Or oddly specific. You get your Hannibal Lecters, whose entire motivation is... wanting to eat people while drinking nice wine.

Double birds seem especially unusual, just in terms of society. They are Bird secondaries and they interact with the world through gathering data, but their Bird primaries mean that data can literally lead them to any conclusion, no matter how potentially wacky. These guys consciously build themselves from the ground up, and that can make them kind of detached - either in a logical way, or an unmoored way. They're written as either really stable, the rational mentor figure. Or really... not. And that’s how you spot a Bird villain. They’re not after money/power/safety, they’re after something weird.

BIRD LION “THE GRAIL KNIGHT”

This is the trope of Perceval or Galahad, questing after the Holy Grail chalice... which is really just meaning, and truth. It’s a personal quest. Grail Knights tend to ride alone, and a lot of the things that concern them are metaphysical, to do with identity, purpose, things like that. You can have extremely different Bird Lions, but I do think there is a sort of spiritual core there. Doctor Harleen Quinzel sees freedom and truth in whatever the Joker is doing, and then once she recognizes his hypocrisy, has to go build her own meaning.

I actually think these guys are pretty easy to spot because of that Lion secondary. When they change direction, they change direction, and there’s probably a period of despair between the direction changes. I’ve talked about how Bird Lions having a habit of falling apart pretty dramatically, and that’s where this idea comes from.

BIRD BADGER “THE SURVIVOR”

A rare sorting, but an interesting one. I call this one “the Survivor” or “the Last Man Standing” because, well, they seem to be. They seem remarkably stable. This is the Bird primary least likely to be a villain, and maybe the sorting least likely to be a villain. I think what’s going on is that they are grounded and integrated in whatever community they happen to be in (because of that Badger secondary), but they can define themselves and rebuild themselves in the Bird primary way. This makes them uniquely suited to building a new version of themselves for whatever situation they happen to find themselves in.

Maybe a better name for these guys would be “The Adapter.”

BIRD SNAKE “THE ARTIST”

Like all Bird primaries, these guys are inspired by their own projects and their own worldview, but because of that Snake secondary, Bird Snakes have a more easy-going ‘take the world as it comes' kind of energy. They are “the Artist” because everything they do is art: they want to use themselves and the world around them, put all of that towards whatever their Bird primary happens to be interested in.

You can have villains like the Nolan Joker, or the Talented Mr. Ripley, who kind of turn the world into their own personal philosophical social experiment. Or Scotty from Star Trek whose meaning is solely the well-being of the Enterprise. Maybe they just like traveling, and that's all they need. (It's a way for the Bird primary and the Snake secondary exist very happily together, so I wouldn't be surprised if that was pretty common.)

DOUBLE BADGER “THE PEACEMAKER”

Badgers are interesting, because while I think they’re generally regarded as “correct,” they’re also seen as kind of boring. That’s the case with both Badger primaries and Badger secondaries, which means it is doubly reflected in the Double Badger. They often get written as simplistic, the sweet Jane Bennet type who loves everybody and caretakes everybody and just wants everybody to get along.

They are often the targets of what TV Tropes used to call “Break the Cutie.” What could be more interesting than making this character, who wants to be happily part of a community, be forced to build protective models, be all tortured and angsty? I actually think we’re seeing a return of the Double Badger as an interesting character in their own right, with people like Aziaphale, and I'm here for it.

BADGER LION “THE PROTAGONIST”

What can I say? There are a lot of protagonists that are Badger Lions. They want to help the group - so we know they're the good guys - and then they charge and make stuff happen. Lion secondaries are very useful in fiction - you drop them into a situation and stuff just happens. I also think of this as the Starfleet officer sorting - because if you’re a Starfleet officer, either you are the sorting, or can model it really well.

I will say that this is kind of the stock Protagonist sorting, the way that the Snake Badger is the stock love interest and the Snake Bird is the stock villain. There’s just something sort of generic good guy about this one, which is why I want to see it used as a villain sorting more. Badger villains - mostly people who define ‘human’ very narrowly - are insanely terrifying.

BADGER SNAKE “THE ADVISOR”

Possibly “the Power Behind the Throne.” This is another one I had difficulty pinning down. I called it “the Politician” for a while, which unfortunately came off as a little bit more negative than I meant it to, since I think this sorting has a lot in common with Lion Badger, the linchpin of a heroic team. The difference is that Lion Badger takes on that role kind of unconsciously, while the Badger Snake does it very consciously.

Their loyalty is to the group, but their skill set is all about subversion and different ways of going around the group, which is why there’s an interesting contradiction at the heart of Badger Snake. A lot of real life Badger Snakes struggle with feeling like “bad people" and it's too bad. These guys are ridiculously powerful and competent when they are sure of themselves, and I love seeing them in action

BADGER BIRD “THE KING / THE MOB BOSS”

Another difficult one, despite (or because) I really like them. I was calling them “the Architect” because “The City Planner” sounded too boring… but that’s what they do. They’re all about the community but they problem-solve the way all Bird secondaries do, by prepping, and gathering knowledge. I talked more about this in the Lion Bird entry, but Bird secondary seems to have this villain split going on, and that’s what I see here too. This is a controversial love-them-or-hate-them sorting, and I think that’s why. There’s a lot of room in whether or not you see this sorting as villainous.

[corrupt-fvcker]

Dating Loki Headcanons…

Dating HCs ( Loki Laufeyson x GN!reader )

Warnings: SFW, gender neutral reader, mentions of loki being gender fluid, fluff, kissing, drinking, marijuana, domesticity, unedited, me lowkey roasting Loki

Word Count: 2.1K

Author’s Note: NO LOKI SPOILERS!! so i just finished the finale and… wow. feel free to send me a message about what you thought about it and/or some requests for loki :) i can also do requests for elaborating on these bullet points. also please correct me if i used improper terminology while writing about loki exploring himself as being gender fluid, i wrote it with my experience in mind though i understand that everyone is different.

Being Loki’s partner is not always easy.

Now, don’t get me wrong, loving Loki is nothing short of a magical experience. When you’re together is when you’re both happiest, it feels as if the stars align and a pleasant sense of peace settles over your conscious like morning fog.

Though, admittedly, loving him can be a bit dangerous. It’s electric. He fills you with energy and passion and power, yet if you’re not careful, you’ll get shocked.

Luckily, Loki is well-aware that he has some work to do when it comes to navigating his thoughts and feelings. While he may be proud and reluctant to admit his issues, he does force himself to do some inner-work for your sake.

He’s incredibly thoughtful when he wants to be. In the beginning of your relationship, it was easy for him to focus on himself. He’s a survivor and a schemer, he weighs his options and picks whichever benefits him the most.

However, as your relationship progresses, he learns to be more selfless. He eventually realizes that he’s happiest when you’re happiest. And over time, he switches his mentality from “how can I benefit from this?” to “how can we benefit from this?” You’re a team, in his mind. One cannot fail without everyone failing, and one cannot succeed without everyone succeeding.

He found that caring for others, specifically you, gets easier the more he does it. The more natural it becomes. He observes. He learns. And he forms habits.

After a particularly cold date involving an unanticipated rainstorm and only one available jacket, he always carries a spare sweater or coat with him, whether it be his or one of yours that he stole borrowed from your closet. And yes, he was a little too proud of himself the first time you needed the emergency sweater (definitely referred to himself as “insightful” and “genius” the rest of the day).

The ocean will dry up before there is a shortage of blankets at your house. He knows that he runs more than slightly cold, and he will not have you suffer from the fact. Heavy blankets for winter, fluffy blankets for autumn, light blankets for summer, knitted blankets for spring— this man could probably open up a blanket shop if he wanted to (he doesn’t, you made that joke already).

He has the smallest tendency to doubt himself. And by that I mean he is filled with self-doubt and insecurity about half the time. Not necessarily with day-to-day things. He knows that he can do chores, drive a car (barely but you’d never tell him that, you’d rather just insist on driving), charm just about anything that breathes, and summon anything he desires in a blink of an eye. But the small yet important things are what get the best of him. He worries you’ll find him to be too much work for what he’s worth. He stays up late at night, sure that one day he’ll step too far over the line. He’s nearly certain that you’ll eventually see through all his bells and whistles, and realize that he’s really not as magnificent as you had originally thought him to be.

Though, much to his fortune, you see through his bullshit. You know that he’s secretly insecure about your relationship and a lot of his qualities. And he’s forever grateful that you’re willing to look past his flaws and still love him. Or, in the very least, tolerate him.

Adjusting to life on Earth does spark a bit of an identity crisis within him. His life of luxury and royal privilege is gone. Though on the bright side, so is his life of torture and misery.

But nevertheless, he does find himself struggling to identify with the parts of himself that he was once so sure of.

He cuts his hair short and then grows it out. Changes his fashion tastes, changes the way he parts his hair, changes the literature he reads.

The changes don’t bother you, in fact you’re glad he’s finding healthy ways to adjust to this major lifestyle change.

At one point, Loki even changed his physical form. For a few weeks, he allowed himself to grow comfortable in his skin as a frost giant. While he didn’t feel entirely himself in this form, he was glad that after a few weeks the anxiety around it faded.

After trying out his form as a frost giant, Loki morphed into female form. While Loki was initially worried to see how you’d react to this change, she was pleased to find that you were happy as long as she was happy. For a few months, Loki remained in female form but ultimately reverted back to male form. Though on occasion he finds himself switching between the two.

He tends to be clingy. He likes to be touching you or have you touching him, though he enjoys when you’re both touching each other at the same time best. He likes it when you lay on top of him with your head on his chest, he likes to feel your heart beating against him. If you play with his hair, he’ll melt. He prefers keeping it long so you’ll braid it— he acts like he doesn’t enjoy you braiding his hair, but you know he does.

Kiss him on the tip of his nose. I dare you. He will turn dark pink before you even pull away.

He will never turn down the opportunity to hold you in his arms. He will kiss the top of your head if he can reach, and if he can’t, he’ll grow a few inches so that he can.

He enjoys cooking for you. There’s just something so simple yet domestic about cooking you something yummy. He’ll attempt to make all your favorite dishes and follow all of your dietary needs. No meat? No problem. No gluten? He’s got you covered. No dairy? He wouldn’t even think about adding some milk or throwing in some cheese as a harmless prank.

Which brings me to an important note: do not prank this man. He will take it personally. And he will not stop until he gets even with you and then some. Petty pranks don’t work on him either. Baby powder in the hair dryer is obvious and he’ll just point the dryer in your direction.

If he’s sick, good luck. You thought a god like him would be above a common cold. You were wrong. He gets super clingy, super whiny, super needy, and kinda turns into a dick. He needs to be spoiled. You need to treat him like he’s dying and these are his last days. If you try to pull “I can’t kiss you, I’ll get sick”— good luck with trying to get him to stop pouting. Don’t say I didn’t warn you (definitely push multivitamins on him for your sake).

He takes the longest in the bathroom when he’s getting ready. Which is ridiculous because he can simply poof! himself into an image of perfection. You’re starting to think he enjoys how irritated you get when he makes you late.

Also, warning! He’s an attention whore, to simply put it. He likes the spotlight, especially when it’s your spotlight. Shower him with affection please, it’s the only way he’ll ever shut his mouth. He’s not scared of causing a scene if it means he gets to spend some more quality time with you. It’s cute but you hate it.

I don’t make the rules, but Loki definitely shaves his legs in the shower because he likes how smooth they are. If you don’t like it, stay mad about it.

While Loki is fancy as fuck, he does love the outdoors. Earth is a beautiful planet, even if he is reluctant to admit it. He loves nature, specifically green forests, sandy beaches, and wild animals.

Side note: never take this man to the zoo. You thought he’d enjoy it because of his love of animals. He ended up freeing about half the animals in the zoo and breaking into about a dozen of the enclosures.

He does not understand the internet at all. Memes? Yeah, not his cup of tea. Though there has been a handful of times you’ve found him smirking over some internet articles, only to find that he enjoys reading insane “Florida man” stories. And he’s also not above arguing with people on Facebook and Twitter. Be careful though because he will throw his iPad across the room and throw a temper tantrum over some “abstract imbeciles.”

He loves dancing. He loves dancing with you even more. He’s got some pretty good ballroom dancing moves but he’s a little clueless when it comes to hip-hop.

Very protective over you. Almost to a dangerous extent. Definitely the type that’s ready to throw down with the first person that looks at you funny. If you get catcalled, hold this motherfucker back because he’s already got a knife in his hand.

Surprisingly, he likes kids. He’s not particularly sure if he wants to have children himself, but it’s definitely a conversation he’s interested in having with you in the future. If you’re against having children, he’s unbothered. If you’re interested in adding members to your family of two in the future, he’s ready whenever you are.

He’s not a huge fan of pets. Though if you already have a pet when you meet or get a pet as a surprise while you’re together, he’s not too bothered by their existence. Definitely gets jealous of the attention your pet receives though. He fits the role of “I did not want this animal but, for some reason, it loves me the most which means I will kill anyone that dares to hurt it.” You tease him when you catch him playing with the pet he didn’t want.

Also, Loki’s a lightweight. Which you find hilarious, because it is funny even if he pouts every time you tease him. He gets incredibly rowdy when he drinks, expect singing, dancing, and broken glasses. He also gets very touchy so don’t be afraid to bop him on the nose if he’s doing too much.

It takes a few years of Loki exploring Earth’s culture before he grows comfortable with the idea of smoking marijuana. But once you explain to him that it’s perfectly safe and that you’ll be by his side the whole time, he’s open to trying it. When Loki is high, expect lots of flirting, lots of touching, and lots of giggling. Don’t even bother playing a stupid comedy movies because he won’t watch it. He wants to spend this high cuddling you and discussing bizarre subjects. Pray this man doesn’t get the munchies because he’ll clear out your whole kitchen. Keep water on hand because he will definitely complain incessantly if he experiences cotton mouth. But if he’s lucky enough to not have an abnormally dry mouth, he would definitely encourage a lazy make out session.

He will definitely come up with a number of super creative terms of endearment for you, but some of his more generic favorites are sweetheart, darling, dear, and love.

Please please please make fun of his Asgardian accent. Mock him, dress up as him and run around the house pretending to be him. Please!!

He also has a thing for you wearing his clothes. I won’t go in depth (unless you want me to) but it does things to him.

You bought him a multi-color beanie with a pom pom sewn to the top of it. You were able to trick him into wearing it once (you told him it was peak Midgard fashion) but Stark ruined it. If you wear this beanie it will still do things to him.

Please let this man style your hair, or at the very least let him wash it when you shower together. But if you let him style it, he’ll get all giddy. You’ve caught him practicing his braiding technique multiple times.

He will want to spoil you. He doesn’t really understand money, and he definitely doesn’t understand what a budget is. But if he sees something that makes him think of you, he’ll buy it. Maybe even buy several of the same item. Please let him shower you with gifts, it’s one of his love languages.

His other love languages? I’m gonna have to go with all. Definitely a sucker for physical affection, but also won’t turn down a genuine act of service or quality time. Also compliment him. Like, a lot.

( masterlist ) ( reblog to show support 💞 )

[honeybunhalo]

Kara/Lena adopt Superboy AU Notes (Part 1)

I’m finally delivering on the content for this Supercorp AU

This is a Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor and Superboy (Kon-El) centric story. Specifically focused on exploration of one's identity and how you define yourself with the many aspects of your life and choices you made as well as what you consider important and precious to you. The effects of being constrained by how you were born and finding those who love you for who you are and don't ask you to change the core of your being to fit in. — this is not an action packed story at all.

Here are some of the ideas I have for this or things I thought Kon had in common with Lena and Kara that I find compelling.

Lena concepts:

Lena gets to know another Luthor, her biological nephew, who isn’t a trash person and is someone to not just for her to protect but who’s existence assures her that it isn’t blood that makes someone bad and maybe she isn’t so different from other people and she’s not “irredeemable”. Sometimes he reminds her of her older brother when he was kind to her growing up. Likewise, everyone usually sees the Lex in Kon as an inherently bad thing and thus he learns to hide it and hate himself for it. Lena presents an alternate because she remembers bittersweetly a simpler time when she looked up to her brother. Not everyone sees the Luthor genes in him as a threat, Lena finds it comforting to be able to help someone like her in a way she was never helped as a young girl. 

Lena thinks she can’t interact with kids well, much less the kid Lex had grown in a lab, but she totally warms up to him and can talk to him about familial rejection (via Clark) and if it’s because he’s a Luthor and if that makes him wrong. Is it because he’s artificial? Is it because he’s some strange illegitimate lab child? Smothering this kid with love and protection.

Plus Kon is like Kara in more than just being kryptonian but also in dorkiness. Lena’s life is just trying to wrangle an overpowered golden retriever and her lab puppy. She can’t stay mad at them for long.

Lena finding she is capable of loving and being loved and being with Kara makes it harder to ignore the crush she has on Kara. They talk together about love and acceptance now they have a shared kid they don’t want to hide personal things from that could later hurt him and many things become open secrets in their now shared house. Soon enough, it becomes obvious she needs to be truthful with Kara about her own feelings for her. 

Lena could learn about the difficulties of hiding being an alien that Kara had to deal with and the onslaught and exhaustion of developing powers in young kryptonians. She gets to see first hand what it does to a child and wonders how that must have affected Kara’s emotional development and sense of self. 

Lillian and Lex won’t get anywhere near this kid if Lena has something to say about it. Lena knows what it’s like to be the odd one out in a family and for people to reject you for simply existing from other people's sins

Kara concepts:

Kara recounts how she felt like a failure waking up on earth to find out Kal had grown up without her. Now she can maybe make peace with that by taking in Kon even if everything that motivates her choices with him is primarily for kons sake. 

Kara can share with another person krypton's history and culture which is something she’s had to keep seperate from her primary identity for years now *cough* it’s almost like she’s an immigrant who has to hide her identity and culture to be accepted and you could use that in the story *cough* 

Kon lived through being created as a lab rat and the only living experiment left. Kara could sympathize with his own grief from her experience with survivors’ guilt. 

Being open with Kon so that he doesn’t feel that same overwhelming pressure when she was told to hide with a human family also gives room for Lena to learn more about the world Kara came from beyond what she knows from interviews from Superman. Having Kara speak openly about her life on Krypton is much more personal and feels much more real than any article could do. 

Teaching Kon how best to control his powers and her and Lena being able to have the resources for him to do so safely 

Alex is very alarmed by the new addition to the family, mostly because how shitty Clark was in relation to the kid. From her perspective, this is not the first time the guy has dumped an unwanted kryptonian child on someone else’s doorstep. Whatever, she gets to buy leather jackets for her new nephew and be scary overprotective of him. “I don’t care if you think you’re nearly invulnerable at your age, do you have ANY IDEA what type of trouble your mother got us into when we were growing up? Or even when she just started hero work?”

Conner Kon-Cepts:

His sort-of-aunts can be his adoptive moms and be much better to him than his biological dads ever were to him in the comic canon. Kon actually being allowed to be close to other Superman family members!!! I need it like the air I breathe. Kon could get to know a Luthor that isn’t trying to hurt him or use him. Someone who defies part of why (Kon thinks) Superman could never accept a thing like him. 

(I have too many things to say to put in a brief bullet point just know that he’s my fav little boy and I think that he deserves parents who would love him unconditionally and Lena and Kara deserve to live a slower life where they can be cute and domestic)

(If he’s raised by these two then I can give a solid reason as to why we just ignore all the blatant misogynistic and horny writing from the 90s comics that made me really uncomfortable and didn’t completely fit with his given backstory especially with how over the top the specialization was. It helps make up for that)

Kon has to deal with being constantly compared to his two genetic fathers mirroring how Kara and Lena both are constantly being compared to Superman and Lex Luthor as they are the female counterparts of those two more infamous members in their respective families

Kara and Kon have very complementary stories and could become what the other needs to fill a hole in each of their hearts. Canon is way too personally tragic. I’d rather have a bittersweet world that’s also soft so I can spend more time with slow paced character analysis.

(In the beginning, Kon’s much more timid given he’s still so young and is coping with being rejected by superman. The tone at the beginning of the story is very serious. As the story unfolds, kon will loosen up to be goofier like his comic counterparts personality)

Both Clark and Lex don’t deserve this kid in any way. If all they are gonna do is mistreat or neglect him in their own ways, Kon is better off with his aunts. 

Conclusion:

Kara and Lena can be happy together by fully trusting themselves with each other in domestic bliss for once AND Kon doesn’t have to cry his eyes out knowing he’s an unwanted experiment child who is “undeserving” of family and home who never got to experience childhood

Everyone who's always saying “you can’t trust a Luthor” better shut their trap when Kara walks in with Kon-El Luthor, her newly adopted son, and her fiancé, Lena Luthor. These new moms will tear you apart if you try to instill that internal hatred of being a Luthor in their son’s young mind. 

Kara and Lena both defying what people say about them and instead raising a well adjusted boy from both their warring families. 

Kon is gonna be raised by a true power couple.

DC refuses to deliver on giving this boy a home or parents so I’m gonna do it instead. Just look at the family they could be together:

(FYI: This has nothing to do with the version of Superboy in the Young Justice cartoon TV show, so if you’re only familiar with that you may be a bit confused about this Superboy who that one was loosely based on. This whole punk fitted kid is indeed a real character and I stay pretty close to his original design from 1993.)

[gh0st-patr0l]

ADHD in DSMP

So about a week back, I made a post about Karl Jacobs (a bit of a passive aggressive one, I’ll admit, but I think it was justified), complaining that a lot of the ‘criticism’ I see about Karl is actually rather insensitive towards his ADHD. I got a lot of responses to that post, and the most common sources of confusion I saw were:

People not understanding what I was saying they should avoid being judgmental of, or-

People who didn’t know that Karl had ADHD or didn’t understand which behaviors were caused by it.

First of all, Karl has confirmed that he has ADHD.

(NOTE: Yes, I know he said ADD. ADD and ADHD used to be categorized as separate disorders, but in the most recent edition of the DSM, it was decided that they are both simply subtypes of the same disorder- ADHD is the correct technical term. ADD is still sometimes used as shorthand by some practitioners to diagnose primarily-inattentive ADHD, but it's a bit outdated.)

Secondly, that original post made me realize that a lot of people who may be well-meaning may genuinely not fully understand ADHD and its symptoms as well as they want to or think they might. If you aren’t aware, Karl isn’t the only one in the DSMP with ADHD- to my understanding, both Technoblade and Dream have confirmed that they have it as well. So, I thought it would be helpful to put together a comprehensive crash-course on ADHD symptoms and how they effect people’s behavior!

Now, before we go further, I want to address something- as I said earlier, I saw some people unsure of whether certain behaviors are ADHD or “just his personality”. I feel the need to point this out above the read more so people will see it. To answer this question, as someone with ADHD;

A lot of times, it’s both. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning that it’s caused by the way your brain developed from birth. A lot of the symptoms and effects of ADHD are extremely influential towards the way we think, act, and behave, to the point where “symptoms” and “normal behavior” really don’t have a clean differentiation. This is why it’s technically classified as a ‘disorder’, instead of an illness. While certain aspects of it can require treatment, the condition itself as a whole is not something to be mitigated or eliminated- it’s a part of who we are as a person. This is also why sometimes, even if you don’t have ADHD, you’ll look at certain specific behaviors or experiences and go “Oh, but I do that too!”. A lot of ADHD ‘symptoms’ are just a bunch of normal traits or behaviors, but in combination with each other and some actually problematic aspects, form the appearance of the disorder.

So, what are you allowed to nitpick about it? Well, there’s no real ‘authority’ on this, and even if there was it certainly wouldn’t be me. But if you want my opinion? Nothing.

See, here’s the thing- what I was trying to say when I made that post was not that you can’t be critical of Karl. If you want to say something about his Actions, his Ideals, or the content he creates- sure, go for it, that’s fair. I will agree that there are some very valid and constructive points to be made. But when you post ‘criticism’ about the way he speaks, his interests or preoccupations, his personal behaviors? That’s not criticism. That’s just judging someone.

And you’re allowed to think that stuff! Nobody can control what annoys or bothers them. It doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. But you don’t need to be vocal about it. You can keep your mean thoughts to yourself. And if you do make posts or communities or whatever about judging someone for things they can’t change about themselves, don’t call it “criticism” or try to morally justify it. It’s not productive or righteous, it’s just rude. Nothing else.

Anyway. Back to Education!

The following will be a descriptive list of visible ADHD behaviors, using Karl’s behavior as examples.

I feel the need to add a disclaimer here- I am not a mental health professional. However! I have ADHD myself, I have taken some psychology courses and done a Lot of research into this stuff, and I’m the daughter of a therapist with access to a DSM. While I’m not an expert, I’d like to think I’m fairly well versed and knowledgeable on at least ADHD. (That being said, if by chance anyone who Is a professional sees this post and notices mistakes, by all means let me know and I’ll fix it!!)

WHAT IS ADHD?

You’re here for the behaviors more than the science, so I’ll keep this short and sweet. ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (Known in the past as Attention Deficit Disorder). Despite its name, the root problem of ADHD is not in the person’s ability to pay attention, but their brain’s capability to manage itself. In simple terms, people with ADHD have a lot less control over what their brain does and wants. This results in some behavioral differences along with some personal challenges, namely a difficulty with attentiveness and self-discipline.

Now, onto the symptoms!

ATTENTION

This is perhaps the most visible and pervasive of the ADHD symptoms, hence why it’s the namesake. Inattention is a lack of focus and an inability to stay present and occupied with certain tasks or thoughts.

Because ADHD impairs self-management of the brain, people with it have an extremely hard time directing themselves anywhere but where their brain instinctively wants to go. This results in inattentiveness and the easiness of distraction that is often mocked or stereotyped for people with ADHD.

Here are some examples of how Karl can sometimes display his inattentiveness;

When he has an idea that he seems passionate about, only to drop it or switch to something totally different without warning soon after (either forgetting or getting bored of his original idea).

When he sets out to do something like a build, works on it for a short amount of time, and then immediately gives up or gets someone else to do it.

When someone else is talking and he totally zones out. (NOTE: While I wont make a whole section for it because it’s not easily observable, maladaptive (constant and intrusive) daydreaming is a common ADHD symptom as well!)

It’s important to remember that the whole problem with ADHD is that we can’t control when or what we focus on. When someone with ADHD zones out during a conversation or activity, it doesn’t mean they’re doing it on purpose, and they likely don’t mean any offense! We often are trying our best to listen or participate, but our brain just wont cooperate.

However, inattention is not the only way ADHD effects our focus. There’s also what’s called hyperfocus or hyperfixation, which is when we are so absorbed into a single subject, task, or idea that it is extremely difficult to get us to think about or do anything else. This is usually because our brains have found something that is getting those satisfaction chemicals flowing, and it’s clinging to that with everything it’s got.

People with ADHD will often experience brief periods of hyperfocus. Think of how Karl talks about spending hours straight working on a build or project without eating or drinking, or how he’ll sit down to play a game with someone and end up going six hours without even noticing.

There are also hyperfixations, where someone with ADHD becomes extremely preoccupied with a certain subject, topic, etc. for a period of time. These can be short term- personally, my hyperfixation can sometimes change as quickly as a couple weeks at a time. However, it can also be long term. Karl has been obsessed with Survivor since the second grade- not to mention his memorabilia, rambling, and constant references to Kingdom Hearts.

HYPERACTIVITY/STIMMING

This is a BIG one for Karl. I should clarify; ‘stimming’ is not a technical term, and in professional situations these behaviors are just referred to as Hyperactivity. However, I personally like the term stimming much more and find it far more accurate to what the behaviors actually are, so I’ll be using that instead for this post.

If you’re not already familiar, ‘stimming’ (derived from ‘stimulation’) is an unofficial term used to describe consistent and abnormal patterns of physical and vocal behavior typically expressed by people with ADHD and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). This includes things that people usually call fidgets or tics.

(NOTE: There are differences in how people with those two disorders stim. This post will explain stimming specifically from an ADHD perspective! ASD stimming is caused by very different factors and presents itself in much different ways. Do your own research if you’re curious!) 

There are two major observable forms of stimming- physical and vocal. Karl expresses both VERY often! I’ll use examples for each type;

Physical Stims: Flapping his hands/arms, jumping up and down when he’s excited, twisting around into odd positions in his chair, throwing, hitting, or tapping things, standing up and pacing around when he’s hyped up or laughing, twisting his rings, etc.

Vocal Stims: When he gets excited and repeats a certain phrase incessantly (Think any variation of “I’m popping off”), making certain repetitive noises while he’s focused on something or bored (”la la la”, the meow-noises, the weird heart-beat noise, etc.), singing or humming, tongue clicking.

It should be noted here that it’s pretty common for people with ADHD to get “stuck” on certain phrases or noises, and be unable to stop repeating them (reminiscent of echolalia, a symptom of ASD, but not the same thing). Think of how Karl might sometimes keep making a weird noise for an extended period of time even though it’s not that funny, or that one time he was physically struggling to keep himself from singing the Bakugan theme. These repetitions are completely impulsive and trust me, we usually know how annoying it is while we’re doing it, but we physically cannot stop.

ADHD stims are caused by the fact that the barrier between our brain and body is much weaker than a normal person’s. Because of this, most ADHD stims are actually very positive expressions of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm! Y’know how when you get excited, you feel like you wanna jump or dance? The ‘hyperactivity’ of ADHD is basically just that, but we don’t have the self-control to Not do it.

Stims can be caused by negative feelings like overstimulation, but in ADHD this is not nearly as common. Usually, the most negative reason we’ll stim is when we’re bored- in that case, our brain isn’t getting the Constant Stimulation that it naturally wants, so stimming is a way to make our own.

Whatever the cause, stimming is natural and impulsive. While different people experience it to varying degrees, those who regularly stim typically have little to no control over it. Suppressing stims is very hard and very frustrating to do.

Besides that, like I said- ADHD stims are often an expression of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm. They’re a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be seen as shameful or annoying!

BEHAVIORAL DIFFICULTIES

ADHD is a disorder which causes a lack of self-control. Naturally, this means that people with ADHD are inherently reckless, impulsive, and struggle with a lack of self-discipline that they cannot fix.

Of course, people with ADHD do still have some level of self-control, and they are still responsible for conscious, long-term behavioral patterns and decisions. However, in regards to most things, they are much, much less capable of controlling themselves than an average neurotypical person is.

These are some examples of how this will often present itself in Karl;

Excessive rambling, dragging on a joke or conversation when it could and should probably have been dropped, etc.

Speaking over or interrupting other people (NOTE: As someone with ADHD- THIS IS ALMOST ALWAYS UNINTENTIONAL. I know it can seem rude or annoying but I promise, 90% of the time if someone with ADHD talks over you, they either didn’t realize or physically couldn’t help it. Please try to be patient!)

Lack of awareness towards social cues (NOTE: Unlike ASD, in which the person is incapable of/has problems fully understanding social cues, ADHD results in a lack of awareness. For whatever reason, we’re often just not paying close enough attention to pick up on things like body language, tone of speech, and facial expression as well as we would normally.)

Indecisiveness and overthinking

Bluntness, lack of subtlety

Unintentional dismissiveness, accidentally ignoring things/people (NOTE: Again, this behavior is purely accidental. In this case, it’s usually just the person genuinely not hearing or processing things.)

Making noises, speaking, joking, etc. at inappropriate times

There’s probably more, but I think you get the idea by now. A lot of the time, behavior which results from ADHD can be seen as rude, lazy, dismissive, or otherwise intentionally harmful. In reality, we just aren’t wired to navigate common social interaction with grace.

In Karl’s case, he’s clearly an incredibly sweet, empathetic, and kind-hearted person, if the various close friends who have talked about him are to be believed. Just because he talks over people or makes a poorly timed joke, that doesn’t mean he meant any harm. 

I think that’s about it for how much I wanted to point out! You can do more research if you’re curious, but I feel like this post should be enough to tell you what to keep in mind and be understanding about when talking about/making judgements on Karl, and other people with ADHD.

[granulesofsand]

Hiya! I've been really struggling to identify whether or not we are a HC-DID system or not, and my own role as an alter may hint towards it? (This may be long, I'm sorry!)

I act as a sort of shell or proxying alter for other alters. I can't leave the front seat at all nor can I see the innerworld vividly, I am made aphantasiac by it. Other alters work in the outerworld through me, I am always aware of what the body is doing and I can hear their thoughts and sometimes snippets of their subsystems voices as they do.

We are capable of doing what we call 'shelling' (since we know of no better wording for it) in which I'm made completely amnesiac to the other alters workings. I'm still in the body and aware of all of our senses, I can still see everything they do, feel their touch and emotions, etc. but I can't remember over 90% of what they do in the body. I also don't have the ability to feel emotions or think in such a state, all of my emotions and thoughts are purely of those fronting through me and I don't remember them afterwards unless granted memory by our archivist or primary gatekeeper, and even then the memories are foggy but don't feel entirely separate of me because I was there during them.

Our supposed previous hosts and I have always felt empty in personality, like we only exist as a conglomerate of other alters influences and illnesses, not a person. Our previous host described existing as meaningless and empty because they didn't feel like a person nor a human, and found themselves trying to justify their existence and why such a person would exist. This is all pre-discovery so they had no idea DID existed nor complex terms such as shell alters, but they experienced exactly what I do but much more covertly. I supposedly split off of them into the front seat and stuck, whilst they were freed from it and now are innerbound and more developed. This also means I don't have an innerworld body, I am just a plain white manniquin in the front seat that other alters can mess with but not move (attempts by our best have been made).

We know we are polyfragmented. We have a vast innerword, multiple subsystems and layers, and terrible dissociative amnesia that doesn't allow the main system to remember anything that happened to us below the age of ten, so I'm certain we don't have OSDD-1B nor P-DID.

Do my experiences line up with that of a HC-DID shell? Is it possible for them to develop into awareness of themselves and others as I have? Thank you so much!

I have several things to say about this. There will be mentions of RAMCOA throughout, but it’ll be marked when it gets specific

Shell Alters

I don’t know if the term ‘shell’ was originally meant for programmed systems. We first saw it in a book for RAMCOA survivors (Becoming Yourself by Allison Miller), where the author described some of her clients’ front people.

The clients had either

A) very strong, front-locked presentation alters who were notably elaborate that the rest of system worked through

or

B) almost clear front-locked presentation alters who were not at all elaborate and served mostly as a buffer to the system’s overt appearance.

Non HC-DID

Both of those are common in OSDD (-1a) and P-DID systems. Amnesia is only definitely absent in OSDD-1b systems, so if that’s your reason for leaving out the others it may be worthwhile to look again.

It is very possible to have this kind of ‘shell’ without any programming. What makes a system Highly Complex is the programming.

I have heard that ‘shell’ refers specifically to the phenomenon as applied to HC-DID systems, and there are synonyms others have come up with to describe their experience without intruding on others’ (prism is the one that comes to mind).

HC-DID

Having this type of alter isn’t an indicator for or against RAMCOA programming. It can be further proof if there are other symptoms of HC-DID, or it could be that your brain just decided that would be good for survival.

Some programmed systems are diagnosed with a non-DID CDD, similar to many polyfrag systems. The polyfragmentation itself is what indicates the higher level of dissociation, so the community refers to all variations as C-DID.

I would say that HC-DID tends to have more dissociation than C-DID, but the specifier is still to signify the external control placed over a system. The complexity follows because an outside adult can create more structures than a child typically would.

RAMCOA

Looking into RAMCOA sucks all around, survivor or no, because it will be overwhelming and shoot right over most folks’ distress tolerance. For survivors, there are added risks of programs set to prevent information seeking and disclosure.

Read: if you weren’t in danger of suicide or returning to abusers before, you might be after. That said, I’m going to give some overview of RAMCOA.

This site gives broad indicators of RAMCOA, many of which are particular to programming. The only required feature is programs themselves, which are the manifestations of Mind Control (the MC) on survivors with DID.

Programming

Programs can be

A) intentional splitting of alters with abuser-desired qualities

B) cued sequences of behavior in said alters, where the cue is a trigger weaponized by abusers to set off chains imbedded during torture or drugging

C) organization of alters by abusers in structures, hierarchies, roles, or whatever else the abuser chooses

D) mindsets forced onto victims by abusers via torture or drugging

E) pretty much any mind control tactic, in this case specifically on a system with extra measures to manipulate dissociation

Our Shell

We had a programmed shell alter who elaborated and now functions as a gatekeeper to our fronting layer. It was programmed because our cult used torture to split it, then continued using trauma and substances to force it into a fixed worldview and set of tasks that were regularly reinforced.

That alter was amnesiac to the programs they held and could only be removed from front by alters programmed with that capability. They knew very little of our history and had an aura of glowing orbs to hold skills and memories.

When they became aware, they could only leave front by knocking the body unconscious. Now they can come further in than before, and they have a separate realm with all of their parts. We call that layer ‘headspace’, and it’s the only way alters from different inmerworld areas can meet.

Moving Forward

I’ve seen organic systems with similar alters achieve similar results. Some are able to leave that role completely and become more like the rest of their system. Programming comes with different aspects to undo, but both are possible with time and effort.

I hope you find a path that feels right for you, no matter if your system is programmed or not. Rushing rarely leads to desirable outcomes, so please take the time to care for yourselves as you go.

My brain is now empty, so please do reach out if anything was unclear or didn’t answer the question. Good day and good luck.

[cizzisblog]

things that piss me off about dabi and fans’ reactions to this arc:

-Dabi is definitely, absolutely not justified in going after Shouto (who deserves none of this!! this boy deserves only love and support and some gotdamned therapy) ima just say that now.

-It’s also shitty of Dabi to say he didn’t care if Natsuo was hurt/killed.

-The canon characterization may very well be Dabi is so far down the path of revenge and has spent so long suffering alone away from his family members that he no longer cares for them/feels anything and is willing to proceed with plans to hurt Endeavor even if they are caught in the crossfire. However, I also feel it’s worth mentioning that right now, he very much seems to be caught up in a manic episode/meltdown/basically losing his shit. Think about it- he’s spent however many years plotting this moment and his chance to get revenge on his father and expose him to the world is finally here, and I think the likelihood that he’s saying whatever shit he thinks will hurt everyone the most is likely. That, or he’s so caught up in the mania he’s just lashing out at fucking everything. I think to some extent he means it, because he’s shown signs of being severely depressed and there’s a numbness that comes with that, but I also think deep down there is still some care there, even if small, or at least some acknowledgment that the other members of his family aren’t the main target and source of his suffering. He literally hasn’t seen them in years and it’s easy to say ‘I don’t care’ when it’s not to their faces. (Why send a tape specifically to Rei and keep track of her? Why not hurt Shouto at the summer camp when he so easily could have?) I think it’s also clear he didn’t mean to kill Endeavor with the previous Nomu attacks, but wanted him to succeed (in a ‘Build him up bigger so when I bring him down he falls even harder’ type of way. After all, Dabi obviously wanted to be the one to take down Endeavor, not a random Nomu.) Again, shitty he didn’t care that Natsuo/Shouto got caught up in it, but I think he didn’t think Natsuo would die due to Endeavor saving him. (Again, that doesn’t justify it, and is some twisted logic, but this is complicated.)

-I want to make very clear I’m not absolving Dabi of his actions, but as an abuse victim and someone who’s intimately familiar with familial abuse, his actual feelings do not make him a bad person and are actually more common than you’d think if you’ve never experienced abuse. When you’re suffering that kind of trauma for so long, you lash out at and feel angry at other people in the household, even other targets of abuse, because your abuser fucks you all up so bad and turns you against each other (even if not intentionally). It becomes a sick competition for attention even from a person who’s horrible and terrible. Dabi undoubtedly felt like he’d been thrown away and jealous of Shouto, the ‘perfect child’ Endeavor finally succeeded in getting (again, this doesn’t excuse him actually hating Shouto, but I can see why he might feel bitter). In a perfect world he would’ve dealt with those feelings with therapy and realized Shouto was just as much a victim and not murder attempts, but this is bnha lmao. Him wanting to hurt Shouto- a fucked up urge, but in a trauma-inducing environment as a mentally ill teenager, you can understand why he felt it. Acting on it is what’s truly fucked up. I also find it unlikely he doesn’t care for Natsuo at all. Natsuo, who he went to specifically for comfort for his whole childhood, not even his mother but his brother?

-At first glance, it may seem many “fanon” interpretations of Dabi are now ‘invalid’ or whatever but I disagree. Sure, we do know that he wasn’t secretly skulking about watching out for his siblings from the shadows- clearly. But narratives that involve him reconnecting with his siblings, remembering or learning to care for them again, realizing he’s hurting them and he isn’t the only one with trauma, reconnecting with his want to protect them as his family, etc. still make sense. People are not static. They still hold the capacity for change and healing given the proper circumstances. Most fanfic are AUs, given they don’t follow canon exactly and word for word, and characters can make different decisions and feel differently if different events happen. Even if you do want to write a very different characterization for Dabi, that’s fine, especially if bnha ultimately ends up doing the whole Todoroki narrative dirty.

-In conclusion: yes, currently Dabi is acting a madman and doing some very reprehensible things. He is a severely traumatized individual who grew up in a home involving copious amounts of violence. However, I do not think the point of all this family drama is just to say “fuck it, Touya’s dead now he was too far gone whoops! But heroes are good anyway!” I think it’s likely we’ll get some scene with him arrested and being confronted by Rei or Natsuo or something along those lines and see some regret. (Why spend so much time on this arc and show their reactions if they aren’t going to be involved at all?) Simultaneously, it’s also possible the story will go the “he’s too far gone” route and basically have him end up as a mirror of Endeavor: so obsessed with his own trauma he threw his own family under the bus for his own revenge plan. While possible, I think that’s a shitty and lazy way to go and disrespectful to Touya himself as an abuse survivor. He is definitely extremely deep in his revenge right now, but I do not want that to be the end of his character.

-I want Dabi to have to face up to his own actions. I want him to realize he fucked up and hurt people he shouldn’t have. I don’t think we’ll get some mushy apology montage, but we have not once seen all the Todoroki siblings together at one time, and I want Dabi to have to deal with the repercussions of seeing his family again and realizing oh, they were never the ones I should have hurt, and I don’t think he’s too far gone to do that.

-I think it’ll be really shitty if Dabi, an abuse survivor, is ultimately depicted as the insane lunatic that needs to be put down and has no chance for any kind of redemption while his abuser who bought his wife for eugenics and neglected/abused his entire family gets to walk free with a shitty redemption arc. Don’t get me wrong, I’m aware Dabi is a villain and as such is going to be on the losing side in a story where heroes win (I mean, it’s technically all a flashback from number one hero Deku) but he still has very valid points about hero society and how fucked up Endeavor truly was, and throwing it all away would be such a cop out. If bnha does truly go with the most insulting route for Dabi I feel it shows a lack of understanding for abuse and abuse survivors and fanfic authors are justified in ignoring and changing that for fics, especially if they’re abuse survivors themselves. I guarantee they’ll write better narratives about abuse lmao.

-Lastly: Dabi is a morally grey character. He’s a villain. But people who like his character or want to look at the why and how of his actions in a nuanced way are not just ‘dumb villain stans’ or whatever weird shit the bnha fandom has come up with. We just want this narrative to actually make some goddamned sense. Dabi’s actions are not all justified but do make sense in the context of his backstory and motivations and current mental state, I just hope to god hori doesn’t ruin it completely from here.

Edit: this post is also highly likely imo and also explains Dabi’s behavior (but as a reminder for those who don’t read closely, explaining something is not the same thing as justifying it.) “I can’t feel anything anymore” is a hallmark of being depressed/suicidal and his supposedly not caring for his siblings anymore most likely has to do more with his own suicidal state than aggression towards them. Dabi acting as manic as he has these last few chapters makes sense if he isn’t planning on living.

[onebillionstarsff]

if you think c!dream deserves torture, you don’t know what torture is

alrighty, it’s time for me to do annoyingly in-depth lore analysis again because i have seen way too many people on my dash and twitter timeline saying that c!dream deserves to be tortured.

i don’t really think people have a comprehensive, reality-based understanding of what torture actually is, what it can do, and the motivations behind it. i, unfortunately, do: i’ve done extensive professional-level study on torture, so i’m going to do my best to put out some knowledge into our little dsmp-related world.

obvious content warnings for references to torture and to violence below the cut (nothing too graphic, though; i know this isn’t an academic forum or government work)

all of this is /rp /dsmp

i’ll also list some sources at the very bottom if you want to learn more

alright then, let’s start: what is torture, anyway?

there are two types of definitions, general and legal. i’ll reference both, but the message they carry is essentially the same, so i’ll just paraphrase the united nations definition that’s party to (read: supported/enforced by) 170 countries:

torture is any act that intentionally causes SEVERE harm to someone, physical OR mental, for the purposes of extracting information or punishment for failure to do so, with explicit consent from an acting public authority.

i’ll break down those components in the context of the dsmp in a second, but i first want to make it very clear what torture ISN’T. torture is not manipulation, it is not "trauma” in the way trauma is broadly conceived, it is not even direct physical abuse. you can suffer abuse from, say, a parent or a partner, and that abuse is about a power dynamic, where one person is being forcibly subordinated to the other. torture, on the other hand, is not necessarily about power, and it’s definitely not ONLY about power dynamics; torture, by its very definition, has to be intensely and officially coercive, and it has to be SEVERE. there are not degrees of torture, like there are degrees of abuse: being deprived of sleep for days or even weeks at a time is just as psychologically impactful as losing a limb or being waterboarded (simulated drowning- a common torture method that the us has been known to employ).

this is my first major issue with the way some viewers of the dsmp approach this whole debacle. i constantly hear c!tommy’s manipulation by c!dream cited as a perfect justification for c!dream’s torture. what c!tommy, and others on the server- particularly the kids- went through is horrible, and intensely traumatic. i will never deny them that, especially as a survivor of abuse myself, but torture is not just another form of trauma. that’s a very important distinction that we, as viewers, have to draw: torture is considerably worse because it is sanctioned, it is coercive, and its explicit goal is not just to cause pain or make someone feel powerless (common goals of abusers), but instead to shatter someone.

in more specific terms, the mental goal of torture is to completely unmake someone’s conception of the world, how they interact with it, and their basic sense of identity. if you read accounts or speak with survivors of torture, it is frequently mentioned that their very way of processing everything in life was destroyed by pain and had to be rebuilt, completely different, after escape. by destroying one’s individuality, will, and their most integral of processing abilities, you destroy their grasp on the world; and, to put it lightly, such a breaking event is awful enough that, in an effort to make it stop and regain some sense of normalcy, the victim will tell their persecutors what they want to hear. it’s the reason why confessions obtained through torture are notoriously not admissible in courts of law. this goes far beyond abuse or manipulation, and i need everyone to understand that.

now, let’s get to c!dream’s situation. did he do awful things? yes, undoubtedly. i’m a c!dream apologist, but his manipulation of c!tommy and c!tubbo was very fucked up. beyond that, his notable “crimes” that others on the server aren’t also guilty of committing (e.g., murder, theft, arson, to name a few common ones) really just consist of especially massive destruction of property (people leave c!techno and c!phil out of this equation, much to my chagrin, but i won’t get into it here). punishment for his actions is understandable, and is typically what justice systems aim to do. but, even if we completely ignore the inherent inhumanity of pandora (HOOO BOY that’s a lot to ignore but i digress), c!dream is not being punished, he’s being tortured. 

going by the definition i used, let’s break it down:

c!sam knows what c!quackity is doing to c!dream, allows it, and even encourages it. as the warden, he is the person in an official, authority position giving their consent. 

c!quackity is, by his own admission, doing what he is to get information out of c!dream. it’s not a confession in this context, but very specific piece of knowledge, with the promise of death also hanging right above it.

list of extreme psychological abuse: long-term solitary confinement (torture if it’s more than 22 hours. c!dream has been in solitary confinement for more than 60 days now), deprivation of the passage of time, general verbal abuse, incredibly limited social contact (people start to fray without basic interaction after a while).

list of extreme physical abuse (god where do i start): prolonged starvation, malnourishment when he isn’t being starved (you will die without protein intake); use of Warden’s Will Breaker pickaxe (it can hack through obsidian, so i think that’s all i need to say), shears (can be used to do things like pull nails, break limb’s bones, amputate toes/fingers/a whole arm in c!ponk’s case), and an OP axe (a sharp blade capable of slicing easily through wood with brute force, and bone is significantly easier to crush than wood). 

so, we have consent of authority, coercion for the sake of extracting information, and severe physical/mental abuse meant solely to cause extreme pain. c!dream is being tortured according to the proper, internationally-sanctioned definition of the term, and that is not okay in any circumstances whatsoever. 

if you haven’t ever read survivors’ accounts (or the accounts of their victimizers), it’s difficult to understand just how uniquely despicable torture is, and the lifelong effects that remain after it’s over and done with. i honestly recommend you read some testimonials, because it absolutely changes the way you view authority and the world in general.

no one is deserving of this treatment, no matter what atrocities they may or may not have committed. 

it’s a basic tenet of human rights, and i don’t think it should be a hard pill to swallow that it’s never excusable in any circumstance. so, defend c!tommy & co. and criticize c!dream’s actions all you want, but please never say that torture is alright. that statement has real consequences, and real moral implications. don’t be an asshole, and don’t be disrespectful to people who have survived it.

if you’re curious, look into these events:

The Argentine Dirty War

Chicago Police’s Jon Burge and his torture regime

Abu Ghraib prison

Extensive torture by Pinochet’s regime in Chile

Guatemalan Civil War

Ugandan policing in the 21st century (Human Rights Watch report here)

if you want some reading, i recommend the following. tumblr will probably nerf this post because of links, but oh well.

Convention against Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment

Elaine Scarry’s The Body in Pain: The Making and Unmaking of the World (very important work in the literature on torture) 

John Conroy’s Unspeakable Acts, Ordinary People: The Dynamics of Torture

Levenson (e.d.) Torture: A Collection

[a-tired-narwhal]

Tell me more about your feelings about the details of Caleb's backstory!

Okay listen anon. LISTEN. This is going to be LONG. Did I immediately rewatch/go back through the entire wrap up to take notes? YES I DID. Anon I'm sorry this is so late, I didn't see your ask until after the stream. I hope this finds you (*＾3＾)/～♡

----

Caleb fucking Widogast. Liam O'Brien always creates/portrays characters that CAPTURE ME. And it is purely the undertow of SUFFERING that I crave.

As a survivor of an abusive childhood, specifically with manipulation, neglect, and physical trauma, and having a controlling abuser in a position of power over you - I was surprised and delighted by Liam's playing of Caleb, and I'm sure that I'm probably not the only one, but Caleb's backstory just had me nodding along. Was not surprised at all by what was revealed about the blumentrio's relationship being trauma-bonding and probably why I'll never be an avid shipper of them. Nothing about Caleb's backstory left me gasping - because it's a relatively common abuse survivor story, except it's in the world of dungeons and dragons with high fantasy and magic and more common place murdering than today in places where most Critters presumably live.

Let's break it down.

Caleb was born as Bren to a less than well off family, who wanted their child to have a better life than them. Bren is a gifted child, and this will immediately put a bullseye's target on a child's back, make no mistake, for abusive persons. Now, I don't know if it's a pretty obvious that parents would trust in a teaching figure to take their child for that child's betterment, because I don't have parents who wish for my betterment ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, but I like to think that Bren's parents handed him off hoping for his brightest future.

Trent is basically the textbook example of a Cult Leader. Beyond the experimentation he did on his students; everything he put the Blumentrio through is how you beat down and brainwash people, especially children/adolescents. Textbook. TEXTBOOK. It was the dnd equivalent of the Hilter Youth. Now my personal experience featured the tool of isolation, so I didn't have two childhood friends to pour myself into and have threesome's with, but that's actually smart of Ickythong, because when you're left alone with your whirling brain for too long, and there's no one to hold over your head - we start thinking those rebellious thoughts, and at some point we decide we have nothing to lose, and we will do ANYTHING to shake that control. No, he left them in that abandoned tower together so they would be forced to bond with each other, as well as allowing them not to die of exposure alone.

Trauma-bonding CAN be a manipulation and used against you. Now. We have three adolescents trying not to freeze to death by being as close as physically possible. For those that don't know; sharing body heat works best skin to skin - ya get naked and THEN you wrap up together to stay insulated. Awkward groping is going to happen, and it's more than likely accidental. But when you add raging hormones to the mix, yo it's not going to stay accidental for very long (that in no way indicates non consent, it can be either way), and the feelings can catch hard when you're young and physical and EVERY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP YOU HAD HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM YOU, IF YOU EVEN EVER HAD ONE. (I do not know Eadwulf or Astrid's home lives so your guess is as good as mine. We should probably ask Liam)

So you've got horny teenagers, with above average intelligence, being systematically abused... Bam. Trauma-bonded Blumentrio.

BUT HERE'S THE THING. Trauma-bonding can only get you so far. And they are children, actively being raised to NOT HAVE THEIR OWN THOUGHTS AND IDENTITIES. The relationship they built, the romantic and sexual, are based off of a shared hostile environment and survival needs. And when those circumstances are no longer there, the relationship tends to fall apart.

I love that Matt talked about Astrid for a bit, sad we didn't get more on Eadwulf - but Matt didn't really spend a lot of time roleplaying Wulf compared to Astrid, so he'd have more insight into her. I also find it interesting that the Blumentrio took 3 very different, but again SO COMMON, paths in dealing with their abuse. But that's a different rant.

Focus with me now on what Matt said about Astrid. She was actively seeking power throughout the campaign, looking always to climb that ladder to the top, for her own purposes which were not stated, and was willing to do anything, sacrifice anyone, to get that power. Was it a burden to her? Yeah I think so. Did it weigh on her? Again I personally think it did. But she was goal-oriented and she wasn't going to let anything stop her, not even herself, and she hated Trent. Matt implies that all three of the Blumentrio did/do. Astrid, Wulf, and Caleb were wildly different people - I don't think they would have stayed together even if Bren had stayed Bren instead of becoming Caleb.

I know A LOT of people were miffed over how Liam and Matt showed Caleb's and Essek's love for each other; and I am SO glad that Liam touched on this; Essek reminded Caleb too much of Astrid and Eadwulf. Now I know we love to joke that that Redhead Dirt Wizard has a Type (smart, ambitious, vaguely amoral), and believe me I LOVE THE JOKE, but Caleb pumping to brakes on Hot Boi makes THE MOST LOGICAL SENSE AND I WAS SO DELIGHTED WHEN LIAM PLAYED IT THAT WAY. Caleb was still trying to heal himself; WHY THE HELL WOULD HE JUMP INTO A MESS CALLED ESSEK? That's some mf UNHEALTHY, TOXIC romance trope ya got there. People fix themselves, not each other. THAT'S WHY CANON SHADOWGAST IS SO GOOD. THEY ARE WORKING TO IMPROVE THEMSELVES FIRST. THAT'S SO HOT.

Ahem.

So the Blumentrio hangout in Astrid's room to sex and study, in threes and twos (I have weird polyam questions, Liam). Now, I'm foggy on the exact timeframe that was together at Academy > kill your parents > Bren is chucked into the Sanitarium; but it's clear that after the murdering of parents, Bren is tagged as the "weakest link" - maybe he broke because he actually loved his family/had a loving family, maybe the manipulation spell from Ickythong didn't sit on him as well as Astrid and Wulf, maybe boi wasn't made for killing (a lie, the boi is a total killer, you have to be in most dnd campaigns), who knows. But he broke, and Astrid and Wulf handed him over - it would be dangerous for them if they tried too hard to protect him.

Because in that environment, in those circumstances, in that set up; you do what you have to, to survive. You hurt people you love, you hurt people you don't know, you even hurt yourself if it means improving your own odds. It's instinct. It's not your fault. You are doing the best you can with what you have available.

I don't hate Astrid and Eadwulf; I just have more emotional attachment and investment in Caleb, and prefer the color purple on him.

Which is actually a great segue into THE WOMAN AT THE SANITARIUM WHO FREED HIS MIND; Matt Mercer you beautiful man, thank you for giving us a Moonweaver connection, my lil widomauk heart was sent aflutter! So, here's the thing. Places like that, sanitariums, psych wards, etc - if you are not certifiably insane before you go in, you will be eventually. One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest is not a fucking joke. But the thought of some forgotten Moonweaver Cleric recognizing Bren's torment and just, poof, dissolving that spell? *Chef's kiss* glorious, wonderful, everything I needed.

Anon, I don't know if this is what you wanted or expected - but here it is, my sincerest apologies 🐳

[lyracasstuff]

Heya!! I actually just found your blog and I would like to say how amazing your writing it! Aaaa it's so cute and you seem very sweet!! <3

I came here to ask for a idv match up! I'm a female, she/her, I'm bi but I do have a preference towards men. Also, I don't mind a survivor or hunter!! Whatever you feel like atm dear. I'm very energetic when you get me in the right mood!! I love baking and editing! I also quite like photography. I'm a very loving person but can get cold if I feel bad so it's a bad habit TwT. I do give lots of compliments to people and it may seem like i like them but I just really like pointing out nice things about people. I love hugs and kisses especially!! I love it if my s/o could give me attention but not too much yknow? Like i want them to be happy with their life with me and their life outside of our relationship. Umm I hope that's enough!! Thank you for making your blog! It is very nice!! You're doing great!! I appreciate you <3 (ps. Make sure to eat and drink enough~)

Thank you for caring about my health dearie~ Honestly,, I could also say the same for you..(｡･ω･｡)

And I'm quite glad that you enjoy reading my blog posts! It means quite a lot for me whenever I hear people enjoying my blog as much as I enjoy writing them..( ´ ▽ ` )

After much thinking,, I've decided to match you up with...

Joseph Desaulnier!!📷

Let's first address the big elephant in the room: Photography..（・∀・）

Since the both of you love photography,, I can most *definitely* imagine you two taking pictures of scenery found in the manor..

As well as *some* of the silly things that happen outside of matches.. Although,, it's more on your end than Joseph's..

However,, I must also remind you that you WILL be bombarded with questions partaining to your "equipment"..(｡･ω･｡)

Whether it'd be a modern HD camera or your smartphone,, it's safe to assume that Joseph will be VERY much curious about these "equipment" that you have brought from the "future" ((even though we call it anything *but* from the future..))

"Are you telling me that this camera of yours can capture pictures instantly??? With just a simple press of a button??? Then, does that mean you won't have to stand for long periods of time to take your picture???"

((Fun fact: the first cameras that were patented require you to stand for long periods of time to take your picture which explains why plenty of the pictures during the Victorian Era were people staying in one position like standing..))

"This "smartphone" can ALSO capture pictures?? Would you mind showing me how, ma chérie??"

"The quality of the pictures are ABSOLUTELY DIVINE! From what time period must you be to access this kind of machinery, ma chérie???"

I highly suggest that you study your equipment thoroughly because Joseph *will* be asking questions about your photography equipment..

Well,, that and Joseph will *literally* fumble with *every* single nook and cranny of said equipment where he might actually break something on accident..

Which is rare for the gentlemanly and disciplined Joseph,, however we ARE talking about one of his biggest passions here..╮(─▽─)╭

Another topic here that is perhaps connected somehow is editing!!（⌒▽⌒）

Joseph is quite astonished when you told him one time that photos can be tweaked from your time period..

Now, on one hand,, he is amused as he sometimes *does* struggle with getting the perfect picture when the environment around him just isn't having it..

But he also can't fathom the idea of people actually editing their photos so much that sometimes,, the unedited version looks far too different than the edited version...

When I say that,, I specifically mean people who probably use photoshop just a *bit* too much..(^_^;)

Not that there is anything wrong about it as everyone knows.. After all,, sometimes we just use it solely for entertainment by making weird, abstract collages of people..

((Like photoshopping a bunch of characters from different fandoms to make some sort of crack-crossover movie poster..╮(─▽─)╭))

It just that Joseph prefers less edited photos as he believes that a photo can shine on it's own when it's taken skillfully..

((Another fun fact: Based from what I can gather, the French in the 1800s preferred a more natural look, which is evident by their choices in makeup like powder for the face or some simple rouge for the lips and cheeks.. Of course,, we are excluding the hair as we all know that big, elaborate wigs were all the rage in this era..))

In fact,, he might even throw a *little* shade towards photos that are super edited...(◎_◎;)

Pls tell him to calm down and not insult people who do something similar to that.. It'll only escelate and get worse in the future..

Okay,, now that we've discussed those, I think we shall head on over to other things, don't you think??（・∀・）

Another reason as to why I paired you with Joseph is because of your upbeat and loving energy!!（〜^∇^)〜🧡

Joseph's life before the manor was already pretty gloomy, and it hasn't really improved when he got into the manor..

So your very energetic and affectionate nature will surely bring in some lost warmth to his life!!（＞ｙ＜）

Although,, please be patient with him for at least a little while.. After all, him *suddenly* receiving love and attention is a bit overwhelming for him to process all at once..╮(─▽─)╭

When he *does* gets used to it, he appreciates it very much..(∩_∩)

With that being said however,, he is still quite disciplined about the time that you two spend together AND the time that you two spend seperately from each other so you won't have to worry about having your boundaries being meshed together..（・∀・）

On the topic of affections,, Joseph will actually be a bit shocked to hear you dish out compliments to everyone in the manor.. And quite frankly,, as well as everyone else that you complimented

((Listen,, we're talking about the Victorian Era,, where modesty is highlighted as a core value..))

I'll be honest in saying that for a split-second,, Joseph *might've* actually thought of you as a flirtatious person

So when you explained to him that that's just how you are and that you just like to point out nice things about other people,, he's confused..(^_^;)

"Wait, but you complimented Mike's juggling act. Shouldn't that mean that you would like to court him??"

"Didn't you tell Victor that you thought he was sweet?? Pardon me for asking this, but are you... Interested in him, ma chérie?"

You're going to have to explain to him that just because you like a certain aspect of a person,, that doesn't mean you actually like them AS A WHOLE...

He may or not have demanded that you bake for him the next time that you two will have your afternoon tea together..(⌒_⌒;)

It's his "apology gift" as he puts it...

Okay,, I know I said that Joseph absolutely appreciates your loving side,, but he also *adores* your more "colder" side..

And no,, it's not because he's a masochist..(｡･ω･｡)

See, as much as Joseph relishes in the feeling of protecting someone he cares/loves.. Even he can admit that sometimes,, it gets too exhausting when your partner is the *literal definition* of a walking doormat..

I don't know about you,, but I kind of picture Joseph as someone who wants to have a partner that, at the *very least*,, can stand on their own two feet.. It gives Joseph a sense of pride,, see???

In conclusion,, I personally think that you and Joseph would work wonders for each other!! Different in your personalities, but united through the same common interest of photography.. I'd say its a decent balance of "opposites attract" and "similarities attract"..

🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷

Author's note: On the topic of people photoshopping the heck out of their photos.. DON'T HARRASS/BULLY/INSULT THEM PLEASE!!! I will be blunt in saying that I frankly do not care whatever your intentions were, because when you strip said intentions away from the grand scheme of things,,

All that's left is a situation where someone insulted/bullied/harassed another person just for editing their photos a bit too much..

And when you put it like that,, wouldn't you agree that it sounds idiotic? Because in all honesty, it is..(¬_¬) After all,, those photos won't be affecting you much in the long run now,, would they??

And even if you said that you did it with good intentions, the way you acted upon these "intentions" was poorly done when it could've been handled *much* more efficiently...

So in short,, pls don't harrass anyone that you know that does these to their photos, it's not only for their sake but also yours..( ´ ▽ ` )

I apologize for ranting like that,, however I feel as though these types of situations are completely meaningless AND avoidable had it not been for the people that continue to stick their fingers into others' honeyjars.. So I personally as though it needs to be said.. Again, sorry if this rant is a bit unsettling and a bit "rough on the edges"..(⌒_⌒;)

Well that's about it.. Until next time,, I'll see you all in my next post!!ヾ(＠^∇^＠)ノ💚

[everything-laito]

Hypersexuality and Laito Sakamaki (UPDATED)

Hiya guys! Been a long ass time since I’ve made a post like this, I’ve been getting so much ask box activity + had school so I haven’t had the time to make an original post! This has been something I wanted to write for a while, and not only was I busy with school, but this one hits home hard to me personally, so I was going back and forth for a bit writing it. But I think I’m ready :)

I know there’s kind of a general consensus that anything DL related comes along with a trigger warning whether stated or not, but just a TW considering I’ll be talking about some real life experiences; not in depth or detail of course, but just mentions of it :) Not only is this a Laito analysis but it’s also an educational tool to help other people know about this!

So, without further ado, rant under the cut! 

Hypersexuality is something that many sexual assault/harassment and rape survivors experience after the abuse. People associate asexuality or sexual repulsion as the only (or common) psychological affect after experiencing those situations. However, there is another affect that can happen, and it is more common than people think, and aforementioned, it’s hypersexuality. It’s basically having more sexual feeling and urges after the experience, in order to cope with the nonconsensual one. And it’s exactly what Laito experienced after Cordelia’s abuse.

I’ve also experienced something like this. I don’t believe I’ve experienced it in full swing, but definitely something like it. I haven’t been raped thankfully, but I have been sexually harassed/assaulted before a handful of times. I know I’ve briefly mentioned that in other analyses, but I’m just explicitly stating it here.

I first learned about hypersexuality this year actually, and my Laito nerd brain was like “holy shit that’s the name of what Laito is going through.” Then I was like “oh fuck I’ve gone through that a little bit too.” I thought going along with  would help me “heal” myself, and it really was doing the opposite. (UPDATE: realized that what I thought was a lot of sexual trauma/hypersexuality was mostly compulsory heterosexuality (but still with those dabbled in too—quite a terrible combo) because last month I realized I’m not attracted to men! Although those experiences I mentioned did mess me up a bit, realizing this is a huge step in the right direction for my own mental well being. Just had to make this correction on my part, since the original post had more emotional investment than I would have liked it to :)) 

Like I have said in my little update, I realized I was going through mostly compulsory heterosexuality while also going through some minor sexual trauma/hypersexuality. Although again, I have not had it as bad as Laito has or other sexual assault survivors (which I am grateful for that), I still have a personal grasp of coping mechanisms with traumatic experiences or experiences I did not particularly enjoy. (If you are interested in learning more about compulsory heterosexuality, feel free to send me an ask! I just don’t feel that it’s appropriate to talk about it in regards to Laito or make a post about it, since it doesn’t relate to him)

And that’s probably also why I can resonate with Laito so much, at least on that scale, and even if I experienced a grain of what he’s going through. I know he’s fictional but these are definitely real experiences and real feelings. 

Laito’s case is a bit different than just feeling overtly sexual. Although he’s trying to heal himself through sex and other intimate actions, he’s also doing it as a type of revenge. He doesn’t like purity, and in fact, he’s quite jealous of it. I’ve heard this is also a pretty human way of coping with this type of abuse, and it is why I love Yui as a character. She’s incredibly strong and sets an example for Laito. This makes Laito jealous yet entertained by her, and that’s also a reason why he probably keeps her around. He also attempts to use Yui as a vessel to avenge his own feelings (even not knowing about Cordelia being in her at first). I  personally wasn’t like that, but given the circumstances, there’s definitely people who are. Laito’s character can be so human to me sometimes, its astonishing, despite him being a character, a vampire, and just generally does some wacky or terrible shit. 

You could say his hypersexuality could also be similar to typical Pavlovian Conditioning. You’ve probably heard of the whole experiment of training (conditioning) a dog to expect food when they hear a certain sound and thus, his mouth waters. We’re conditioned by a lot of things in our lives, from triggering a “flight or fight” response from this specific ringtone or high school bell. It’s just a built in “routine” our minds utilize to process pattern recognition. I know I say this a lot, but we don’t know how vampire brains in the DL universe compare to human brains (and quite frank, I don’t think we will), so I will just do my typical human brain picking. 

In Laito’s case, he was conditioned to “love” Cordelia in a fashion that was incredibly gross. No, I won’t sugar coat it. In my Cordelia/Laito analysis, I talk about how Laito was probably groomed. Grooming is another type of conditioning. Although I don’t believe his grooming was sexual, it definitely “prepares” the victim to be exploited in that fashion later on. It’s to build a false sense of trust to be betrayed. Later on, when Cordelia started having sex with Laito, he became used to it in a “conditioned” fashion. When someone said that Cordelia was calling him, he knew what it was. He also thought it’s what he wanted, even though he knew that he didn’t. I believe I have referenced his MB Dark Prologue monologue before, but not this part of it. Here’s the monologue: 

――Who is it that I give my love to? Throwing myself away, I caught the sight of someone Someone I didn’t recognize, Suddenly, I realized I was looking into a mirror. The mirror reflected myself within it. I couldn’t see anything else. I am disgraceful for this greed. I was wearing a visage. What I wanted, certainly was love. It’s not that easy. Because of these words, I suffer. No matter how many times love is said, The only thing that will be important to me, Is only the physical contact and body.

I know I've said it in the Laito/Cordelia analysis, but Laito is visibly confused in his flashbacks. He’s trying to grasp what love is, but then convinces himself that love is physical contact, and not emotional connection, especially near the end. He knows he’s suffering but he is still conditioned to think like this. Same case for people who suffer from hypersexuality. 

Although many people do not know why it occurs, it can be a symptom or “side effect” from disorders, medication, and the like. In the sexual trauma case, I believe a main reason is that the person utilizes sex to cope with trauma, or because they are used to sexual acts being forced upon them. That’s where conditioning still comes in. He’s treated as one of her suitors, lovers, or the like. Even as a stand-in for Richter and Karlheinz. He doesn’t consider Cordelia to be his mom until the DF Vampire ending. On top of him not receiving emotional gratification which leads to all sorts of just awful stuff for him, sexual attention is the only type that he receives until Yui comes along. He is used to not having emotional support or connections, which is why physical contact is what he is more “comfortable” with, while at the end of the day it still does not satisfy him.  

It creates a positive feedback loop of him being unsatisfied, while being confused about where he’s unsatisfied in, leading to him trying to “fix” himself or avoid his own personal, emotional problems through lust and sex, but then still finding himself not “healing.” Then the cycle continues, enthusing his hyper sexual behavior even more.

I was sent some great articles from @souchiika on the DL discord (thank you so much!) and one of the articles stood out to me, since I did not talk about this type of topic on this blog yet. Here’s the link to the article, and here’s the quote that stood out to me!

Furthermore, indirect effects were also statistically significant, providing support to the hypothesis that depression and guilt would be serial mediators of trauma-hypersexual behavior relations. The paths through depression and guilt have been found to be the most significant with moderate and high indirect effects on hypersexuality. Moreover, male gender, as covariate variable, is a relevant risk factor for hypersexual behavior.

Hypersexuality is something that is still being researched like I mentioned earlier, but since these findings came out, it definitely makes sense in Laito’s case (and in general). Like I said, Laito does feel unsatisfied and even shameful of his actions, which is more apparent in the beginning of his and Cordelia’s “relationship.” In those flashbacks, he asks himself if this is what he really wants, and although he attempts to force himself to like these actions as a coping mechanism, there is still a relative degree of shame and guilt he has. It is also apparent nearing his DF Ecstacy ending when he finds out that Karlheinz foresaw Cordelia having sex with him, and even wanted it to happen. All that shame and guilt came bellowing out while he was in a fit of distress. In initial attempts to mediate this guilt and shame, he projected his feelings onto other women through sexual acts, leading to more of this hypersexual loop. I know I talk about Laito projecting a lot, but it is frequent in his character. Like I’ve always said, it’s typical “bully” power dynamic manipulation. If Laito can bring a victim of his down to his level, then he feels better about himself (but it satisfies him for only a short while, until Yui in MB+). 

Also, note that this is no excuse or justification for him to rape or sexually assault others. It is merely an explanation as to why he does it (as for my posts in general, it’s not a justification, it’s an explanation). 

Another reminder that rape and sexual assault isn’t about the sexual urges, but about power. That’s why anybody with any background can do it, given the circumstances. 

This post was a bit hard for me to write, so I apologize if I got too overtly personal for your liking. Like I’ve said in the past, I’m not writing this to gain sympathy too, and sure that sounds superficial of me to say now (although I truly mean it), I just want to use my platform as an educational tool. Sorry about the change in my typical tone :) 

Sorry if this was too much of a doozy, I really wanted to talk about it and to educate people, despite it being a bit personal. I just felt like the most effective way was to convey how real this topic is, despite this fandom knowing about it in a fictional setting. 

I hope you have a great day! -Corn