Tumgik
#i wasn't sure about it for a long time which is why i've just been calling it 'the continent' but it's based off of a spanish word
milehighmegs · 1 day
Text
The Window Theory
This is kind of a two-parter, and a bit long and circular, but it all connects, so just bear with me 😁
So, I just finished my 42598302621827732263435th re-watch of S2E6. When Beez says, "I just found something more important than taking sides," and she & Gabe join hands, Zira touches Crowley's arm. Ya know, this touch:
Tumblr media
Look at Zira's face. I think, maybe- just MAYBE- Zira finally realizes that this is what Crowley's been talking about every time he's said, "our side." He reaches out to Crowley, but because he can't actually speak at that moment, it's his way of saying, "Oh my god. I get it now. I completely understand." And if you watch a bit longer, when Crowley walks away to take Nina & Maggie out of the shop, he keeps reaching for Crowley (couldn't find a GIF of it, but it's there). Almost like he's saying, "oh, oh yes, we are going to have a VERY good talk when this is all wrapped up."
There's also an element of "we're not the only ones," and "maybe, if the Supreme Archangel of Heaven can fall for the Grand Duke of Hell, this isn't as bad as I've been telling myself it is." If Gabelzebub haven't been- smote? smited? smitten- by God or devoured by Satan for falling in love (and not being coy or secretive about it), maybe Zira is FINALLY ready to actually be with Crowley, in the open, and without fear.
But we all know what happened after that.
Yes, Metatron is a bastard. But (and this is just a bit of a theory here) in telling Zira that he (Metatron) knew about the "de facto partnership" with Crowley, and then later about the Second Coming, he gave the whole game away**. Zira thought that Heaven wasn't watching all that closely. And maybe they weren't, right up until the two of them thwarted the Nopocalypse, but looked into the records and found out what they'd been up to for millennia. What Zira knows now is that not only are they aware of it, they are fully prepared to use it as a threat against him, but more so against Crowley. At that moment, however, that's all he knows. Metatron didn't mention the plans for the Second Coming until after The Kiss™. So after accepting Metatron's offer and desperately trying to convince Crowley to come with him and failing, but before the Jesus 2.0 bomb, Zira is visibly shaken (I mean, I would be too if I had just accepted that I COULD be with the love of my life, then got kissed like THAT by them, only to be broken up with right after they told me that they felt we'd been together all along). He didn't have a plan to protect Crowley. He didn’t think he needed one because he was so sure that his offer to go to Heaven would be accepted. He figured it was a given, knowing & understanding now that Crowley wanted to be with him, and part of the reinstatement of Crowley as an angel would facilitate that.
Now that Crowley has refused, Zira doesn't know what to do. He didn't have a backup plan. And he still, at that point, doesn't really know what Metatron needs him for. It's why he hesitates to leave at first. For the first time since The Arrangement, he doesn’t have a partner. He's alone, trying to figure things out, trying to find some way, ANY way, to make this work. He keeps looking out the window, ostensibly at Crowley, but... did you notice that we're never actually shown WHAT he's looking at? I have a feeling we'll find out in S3 what it is, but for now, he's flustered, anxious, and of course still reeling from what had just happened. He looks out the window a second time, and just, like... suddenly snaps out of it. We can tell, as the audience, that there's a lot of game face happening here, because we know Zira: we know his mannerisms, his moods, his reactions to certain things. And we also know he's smart. But I digress.
Something occurs to him (or he sees something out the window), which is why he suddenly feigns detachment and goes with Metatron. The wheels start to churn, but only insofar as it has to do with protecting Crowley. When the Second Coming plans for Supreme Archangel Aziraphale are dropped, everything changes. EVERYTHING. He suddenly realizes that the whole purpose of the offer, and the chance to take Crowley with him, was a trap. Metatron knew Crowley would refuse, and having made the threat, he knew Zira wouldn’t refuse. Zira understands the offer’s true purpose was to separate them so that they couldn't prevent another apocalypse. So now, not only is Crowley's life at risk, but Earth is once again under the threat of annihilation, and he doesn't have the one person he's always been able to rely on to help him prevent it. He goes with Metatron because he knows it's the only thing he can do to protect Earth AND his beloved.
That one last look at Crowley... I don't know, maybe something had passed between them through the window that we don't yet know about. Maybe Zira just had a sudden realization that had nothing to do with what he was looking at (perhaps the bullet catch mentioned below**?). Whatever the case, hearing about Armagedd-it's-back-on was a seismic shift in his attitude. You can see it in his demeanor: he’s no longer flustered, no longer searching for answers, no longer anxious about what happens next. In short, SHIT JUST GOT REAL. Because of this, Zira has to once again think fast, but keep Crowley in the dark, and get to work. That ride up in the elevator was spent hatching the most clever, most ingenious, dare I say the most devilish plan the Universe has ever seen. He is really and truly on OUR side now, the side that he & Crowley had been on for millennia, the side he was no longer pretending to NOT be on, the side that he finally stepped into with perfect love and perfect trust. With no way to tell Crowley about the Second Coming and therefore what he was planning, it seems like he chose Heaven over love. But he didn't. He did choose Crowley, but he also chose Earth, and in reality, he chose "us." It's just going to have to wait.
**If you wanna go really deep with this, the whole reason for the bullet catch episode was to mirror Furfur’s threat with the Metatron’s, and Furfur also revealed the plan too soon (I think there’s also another reason for this episode, details below). Like a bad Bond villain, they were too cocky. In 1941, Zira was able to think fast, palm the photo, and protect him & Crowley. But note that he didn’t tell Crowley what he was doing (there was neither time nor opportunity); Crowley only found out after the fact, when they were having dinner later. Zira protected "us" even then because only hours before, he realized that he loved Crowley and (I'm pretty sure) that Crowley loved him back. At the time, however, he didn't think anything could come of it. But that touch in the bookshop... that's when he knew. So when Metatron made the offer, there was no need to protect anything because he thought Crowley would come back to Heaven. Since that went down like a lead balloon, Zira is left helpless & scrambling. Then that look out the window... I think Zira remembered the bullet catch. That silent "trust me." The “aim for my mouth then shoot past my ear.” The diversion tactic. Again, until the Second Coming plans are revealed, Zira only plans to find a way to protect Crowley in secret. When the stakes rise, Zira ups his game. THAT’S the reason for the changing looks on his face on the elevator ride. THAT’s what the smile is about. He’s doing the calculations, setting up the illusion, perfecting the con. And just like the magic act he & Crowley pulled when they saved Job’s children, just like when Crowley seemed to be the random volunteer to pull the trigger, Zira knows his partner will be there to help him pull it off one more time. Even if it means leaving him, leaving him in the dark once again.
43 notes · View notes
genericpuff · 1 day
Note
Was your Kore/Persephone portrayal inspired by dissociative disorders? I interpreted it more as her dark internal monologue that she was suppressing. Like when you have dark thoughts of know things inherently, but try to rationalize your way out of thinking them. I figured it was just a more dramatic way of portraying intrusive thoughts.
Ahh this isn't really a question I can answer with a simple "yes" or "no". Especially when considering everything you just listed are often inherently symptoms of many interlinked mental disorders like DID and BPD haha (especially when it comes to the suppressing).
As I mentioned in my previous post I've been writing these types of characters for years. Uzuki is a big one that comes to mind. I love writing conflicts of the self, mind vs. reality, identity vs. instinct, past vs. present, etc.
CW: BLOOD/GORE, GRAPHIC VIOLENCE, DEPICTION OF TRAUMATIC BREAKDOWNS AND DISSOCIATION AHEAD!!!
(note the black and grey pages are read right to left like a manga, this was from my weeb days LOL)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
It wasn't until years later after I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism that I realized my love for those tropes was rooted in something far more internal. Sure, sometimes a trope is just a trope, but now I fully understand why I've found myself pulled back to that trope time and time again, because I myself have struggled with a lot of the same internal conflicts that characters like Uzuki and Kore have struggled with. It wasn't just me loving a trope, it was me finding solidarity and representation in characters who shared my experiences, even if they were largely hypothetical or for the sake of creative expression.
That realization came long before Rekindled, of course, but it hit me like a sack of bricks when it did, as any realization of an undiagnosed disorder tends to do after years of thinking you're just "broken". That said, it's allowed me to explore these topics with even more nuance and understanding, while also pointing out my own weaknesses and blind spots in the pre-conceived notions I had about myself that I was then able to challenge once I knew what was really going on. It was still challenging as it was so personal, but it ultimately made me a stronger person and a stronger writer.
Skip to the future though with Rekindled, everything I just explained is why I was so interested in LO's AoW plotline to begin with, because a lot of it played to my own interests in those sorts of characterizations - consequently, it was one of the plotlines I wanted to overhaul the most when I started coming up with the basis for Rekindled, as I was disappointed that it was forgotten about over the course of S2 and completely retconned by the trial arc. In a weird way, it almost feels like all the time I spent working with characters like Uzuki was preparing me for a character like Kore/Persephone. And conversely, writing about Kore/Persephone has helped me harness my skills more which I can take back with me when it comes time to continue Uzuki's story.
All that said, mental disorders and neurodiversity were never "inspiration" to me when I was learning how to write and/or designing these characters, but that didn't make them any less intersectional. It was more like something that just came naturally to me as someone who is neurotypical and has diagnosed mental disorders (I am my own worst inspirations LOL) and I wanted more characters like that who weren't just automatically "villains". I try to always treat them with care to ensure that I'm being kind to both the characters as well as myself as someone who heavily relates to these experiences, but I'm also not really afraid to express the more "ugly" sides of those experiences either. Especially with characters like Uzuki who are largely problematic to their core in their actions - much of those actions, as I would learn about myself in my own healing journey as well, are often spurred on by a lack of care, empathy, and understanding in their unique struggles.
There is so much I'd love to say about Kore and Persephone's characterizations and what led them to this point, but I got about a paragraph in before realizing that it would be WAY too massive of a spoiler LOL I'm really, really excited to get into it - though nervous too - but I hope that, at the very least, readers can have patience for her as she goes through everything that's on the horizon. There are times it may get ugly, even outright bleak, but that is simply one side of the coin that represents her duality as a goddess - the dreaded Bringer of Destruction, and the merciful Goddess of Spring.
35 notes · View notes
jakeperalta · 1 year
Text
spent weeks psyching myself up to stand up to my mum and then immediately got shot down by her 😃👍
#vent incoming i apologise in advance for the long tags#we've lived together just the two of us since dec 2021 (although her boyfriend is here like 2/3 of the time as well)#and since i got my job in march 2022 i have been paying half of all the bills (literally down to like tv license when i barely watch the tv)#which is £300 a month#plus i buy all my own food + pay for the amazon prime she uses + contribute to various household things like toilet roll etc#and she doesn't have a mortgage so i am paying the same amount as her to live in her house#(and it is very much her house not our house)#and I've never been very happy with any of that but never complained either#but then recently it turned out she never set up the water bill when we moved in (it's one of the only bills i didn't sort for us)#so we have a huge backdated bill from dec 2021 and i knew she was going to tell me to pay half#so for the past month or so I've been preparing myself for this conversation and sure enough today she came and said 'we owe £700'#so i was like 'oh i thought maybe it would've been covered by my £300/month' which is the biggest stand I've been able to work myself up to#and she immediately started going on about how i live here too and use water too so it's just as much my responsibility to pay#and how when we're both earning i should be paying my share and i was like yeah i know that's why i never complained about paying before#but also i already pay more than most people would to live with their parents#and she went off about how actually most people charge their grown up kids rent on top of the bills so really i'm lucky i don't have to#(when she got the original £300 figure it was actually rounded up from like £240 to include 'rent' but i wasn't gonna bring that up now)#and in conclusion she doesn't see why she should be subsidising my bills#like i don't know maybe because you're my MOTHER and i am your CHILD who is just starting out in the adult world#and maybe that entitles me to being treated better than some lodger???!!!!!#anyway i paid the bill and now i'm trying and failing at not crying at my desk 😃#talking
25 notes · View notes
nobodieshero-main · 10 months
Text
goth kerenian's kiss each others eyelids in greeting. btw.
6 notes · View notes
sirfrogsworth · 2 months
Text
How do you take a photo of time?
Tumblr media
I've been watching the track events at the Olympics since I was a wee lad. It was a tradition in our family. We'd gather around our ancient low-definition 19 inch CRT television and watch tiny blobs compete against other tiny blobs and root for our country.
It was a bit like watching YouTube on your phone in 144p.
Several heroes emerged.
Jackie Joyner-Kersee was amazing.
Tumblr media
You can't forget about Flo-Jo.
Tumblr media
And then the Olympics decided NBA players were allowed in the competition.
Which formed... The Dream Team.
Tumblr media
Was this fair?
Well... they won each game by an average of 44 points.
So... no. It was not fair.
Though it became more fair as time went on.
But, umm... yeah. The other teams looked like the Washington Generals and the US looked like the Harlem Globetrotters if they stopped screwing around half of the game.
But my absolute favorite Olympian was a runner named Michael Johnson.
Tumblr media
He was cool as heck.
For one thing... gold shoes.
Tumblr media
But he also had this crazy, upright, Tom Cruise-ish sprinting style that just made him look like a running robot on the track.
Tumblr media
And in the 1996 Atlanta games he just trounced EVERYONE. I mean, it wasn't even close.
Tumblr media
Yikes. Those losing blobs are probably really embarrassed.
Last night I decided to invigorate my nostalgia and watch the track events again. And I got to see one of the wildest races in history.
It didn't even last 10 seconds but it was one of the most exciting sporting events I've ever witnessed. Almost every runner won the race.
After I saw that initially, I was like... who the heck won???
Even in slow motion I wasn't sure.
Tumblr media
This was one of the closest finishes in history. There has never been a race where all 8 runners were within this margin.
The arena was silent as the winner was being confirmed. The runners just kind of paced around waiting for official word. My best guess was the Jamaican runner, Kishane Thompson. But then the loudspeaker announced Noah Lyles.
Tumblr media
The last tiny morsel of American pride burst out of me with a big "Wooooo!"
I forgot what it was like to be proud of my country. I wish it happened more often. But this young man, despite being last place in the first 3rd of the race, turned on the afterburners and won in a photo finish.
And that's when my inner nerd took over.
Because when they showed the photo finish image, it looked super weird.
Tumblr media
Why is the track white?
Why do all of the runners look all warpy like that QWOP game?
Tumblr media
So I went down a research rabbit hole to figure this out.
Photo finishes are actually fascinating. The first photo finish captured the end of a horse race in 1890. But that was mostly luck and timing. The actual photo finish mechanisms weren't used until 1937.
Originally they would film the finish line through a physical slit.
Tumblr media
And the first horsie head that appeared in that slit would be the winner. This technology ended a huge aspect of corruption in horse race fixing almost overnight.
But we have come a long way since then. And I'd like to introduce you to the Omega Scan 'O' Vision Ultimate.
Tumblr media
This slow motion camera sits fixed on the finish line of every race. The concept of the photo finish has remained remarkably similar to the 1930s approach. The camera sensor is specially designed to only record a vertical slit.
Only the finish line itself is actually captured.
And because it limits what it records to only that slit, it can capture 40,000 frames per second to get amazing temporal resolution.
So why don't the photo finishes just look like, well... this?
Tumblr media
That is because the camera takes a picture of time more-so than dimensional space. I guess it would be more accurate to say it *assembles* a picture of time.
As the runners cross the finish line, the camera combines all of the little strips of pictures into a single image.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
It's almost like if you tried to reassemble a piece of paper after it had been shredded.
Tumblr media
Imagine each strip of paper is a picture of ONLY the finish line, just at a slightly different point in time.
What if someone stopped on the finish line and didn't move... what would that look like?
Tumblr media
Once they got there, the same part of their body would just be repeated.
So the right side of the photo finish picture represents earlier in time and it just assembles the image strip by strip as time passes and you literally get a picture of time itself.
NEAT!
Okay, but how do they determine the winner from the photo finish?
I mean, that shoe looks like it is ahead of Noah Lyles!
Tumblr media
Clavicles!
The IAFF rules state the foremost part of the torso must cross the finish line first. And the endpoint of the torso is the outer end of the clavicle.
So if you get this bone across the finish line first, you win the race.
Tumblr media
Two more fun facts!
The start of the race is actually just as carefully timed as the end of the race. There are sensors in the starting blocks of each runner.
Tumblr media
The starting gun also has an electronic sensor.
Tumblr media
They have determined the fastest a human can react to the sound of a gun is roughly 100 milliseconds. So if you start running before 100 milliseconds they know you didn't actually hear the gun, you just got antsy and started running too early.
And the final fun fact...
Did you notice the Omega logo at the top of the photo finish?
Tumblr media
That isn't superimposed or added after the fact. That is captured by the camera.
But if this image is composed only of tiny little slivers, how did they get the Omega logo to show up?
Tumblr media
That is a little display. And it is synchronized with the Scan 'O' Vision Ultimate to show a little sliver of the Omega logo for each frame captured.
Tumblr media
So when the final image is stitched together, it looks like a cohesive logo at the top of the photo.
Pretty clever, Omega!
25K notes · View notes
featherymainffins · 4 months
Text
I thought I would walk some additional 14 km today and thus burn my accidental lunch (caved into peer pressure and went to a restaurant and had a salad instead of eating my perfectly counted can of tuna) and as such I agreed to go have breakfast with some friends tomorrow to celebrate the end of the excursion.
But I did not walk those 14 km because I wasn't able to get water + I just finished 12 hours of lectures + my arches were killing me + it was raining + I wanted to shower + I wanted to study + I was fucking freezing.
Which means I have to punish myself for my lack of discipline and I also have to make up for the food and that means I CANNOT have that breakfast. In fact I cannot have anything. For 2 days. Just to be sure.
So now I'm trying to figure out what lie I can make up. Currently thinking about saying that I just started to feel really nauseous all of a sudden and as such I unfortunately cannot eat breakfast oopsie. It feels really random and not really believable though.
#god this is so tiring. i wish i wasn't me so i could just live. people don't have to be ideal to earn being tolerated but i do#people don't even have an ideal and there should never be one. but there is one for me and the court of the world expects me to#always fit it. it's a competition and the jury is judging me. I'm constantly trying to win the case. to make the judge rule me innocent#of what I don't know. of everything i suppose.#but it's just exhausting. and I'm not sure if it's more exhausting to just give up and follow whatever the nagging voice says or#if it's more exhausting to fight it. i feel horrible and full of guilt and shame and terror either way so does it really matter?#if i die because my heart gives out or if i die by my own hand?#apparently bulimics have a much higher self-harm percentage but i personally have a tendency to harm my body after i eat#i don't want to do it but i recognise that that's partly exactly why i want to. my emotional torment is probably much more#of a goal than the physical pain. there's a part of me that wants to lead psychological warfare against me#and you know what it's like. it's fine. i accepted that i would die by my own hand a long time ago. I've always said that#i don't know when and that it might be in two decades or a year or a month or a day; but that one day i would go past the breaking#point and kill myself.#i think it's an inevitability of my life and I'm fine with that. someone has to kill themselves. someone has to be that number#in the statistics. there is no reason for it not to be me and if not me it'd be someone else#so it's fine#but yeah it's like...well it's been a run...not sure if a good one...but it's been a run and considering how much i just don't care anymore#i think this time it's really it. and i have a lot of responsibilities so I'm really pissed about it#but listen I'm just exhausted. my every waking thought is plagued by counting and avoiding reflective surfaces and wanting#nothing more than to stare into reflective surfaces for 20 minutes straight and check for every imperfection and irregularity#and check if everything is the same as the day before. i don't know if i should trust my eyes or my emotions or my logic#i don't know which is which. half of my brain power is devoted to making up plausible lies. 'i had a stomach bug earlier'#'im just really nauseous. yea accidentally had lactose earlier.' 'my stomach hurts so i shouldn't eat anything' 'i ate before i came here'#'oh i said i didn't have anything with me? i uhhh i went shopping yesterday evening actually'#i can't focus at all. I'm either too tired or the voice is too loud and too aggressive. i have no idea how I'm going to pass my classes
1 note · View note
cocklessboy · 1 year
Text
The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.
I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.
And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!
We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.
There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.
Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.
Except...
I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.
I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.
The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.
Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".
There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.
And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.
His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.
I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.
That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.
I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.
Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.
Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.
If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.
It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.
I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.
16K notes · View notes
david-watts · 1 year
Text
I feel kinda bad about those comments I made on that one post because I was being a bit of a dick, and it was because I was tired and misunderstanding exactly why people get so mad about ‘tiktok punks’ (please just call them posers. that word already exists and means what you mean) but like. I do stand by the fact that I don’t care if people end up buying from ethically awful places since it’s not easy or affordable to avoid, and quite frankly I understand if someone’s a bit lazy about it. but that one person accusing me of thinking ‘slavery is punk’ genuinely made me realise those posts about reading comprehension on this site being godawful aren’t hyperbole
#just been thinking about it again. mostly out of anxiety thinking people hate me for it#and yeah sure hate me for it. I'm not in charge of you.#my entire point had actually been in favour but that I could understand why someone would buy from sh**n#I mean I wasn't aware at the time the levels of laziness I thought the most was like. preripped tshirts and jeans with generic plain patches#already added. not like prepatched stuff with actual slogans like that's antithetical to the spirit#so like with that context you can see why I thought it was a bit harsh#now I'm even more 'yeah makes sense' about it#and yeahhh I shouldn't have doubled down like that but I was tired and mad because I'd remembered how fucking hard it is to find shit where#I live like. you have the usual 'if you're not skinny you're fucked' problem but the other problem is that there is a big reselling problem#where I live. it's been happening with furniture for a long time and as soon as nicer clothing started appearing it happened with clothes#and when I say 'nicer' I mean 'not totally dogshit'#and tbh? the stuff in the op shops was also likely made with slave labour. just because you didn't buy it doesn't mean it wasn't bought#and it doesn't stop the company from using slavery. so like.#oh and when I say 'I was tired and mad' that's not an excuse that's a reason why.#and that quote that led to the dogshit reading comprehension was about the fact 'it's nothing new that companies use subcultures#to make a quick buck' and that it's not entirely improbable that it'll eventually get considered part of the fashion#which yeah I actually understand that being awful in this circumstance because not that I've looked but it probably looks dogshit#yeah. I think my point about nuance stands most#on one hand; posers suck. companies trying to make a quick buck suck. slavery sucks. trying to op shop sucks.#but it's not like all of it can be avoided and if so like. maybe put some effort into it#genuinely don't understand people buying prepatched stuff. like actual slogan patches. that's incredibly boring#the point is that you customise it you fools#my problem really is that I automatically think the best of people. oh they can't be that bad. yes they are you dumbfuck.
1 note · View note
candylix · 5 months
Text
blow my mind | bang chan
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Pairing • Chan x GN!Reader Summary • You have a test today and you haven't studied at all, but you're not worried. Why? Because you have the ability to read minds, and you'll be sitting next to the smartest guy in class. Unfortunately, his thoughts have strayed from the test and into very dirty territory. Genre • college au, smut, fluff WC • 1.7k Content • no pronouns used but reader does have a vagina, mind reading, dirty thoughts about: hand holding 🥰, public sex, fingering, dry humping, unprotected piv penetration, orgasm denial. Indented paragraphs indicate what's happening in his mind and not real life.
Tumblr media
Ethically, reading minds is a very dubious subject. As far as you know, you're the only person in the world with supernatural abilities. No one would ever know you're reading their mind, but you have high enough standards for yourself to only use your mind reading capabilities in emergencies.
This was an emergency.
You have a test today, and didn't study. But, you do have a plan. You are going to sit beside one of your classmates and cheat.
You walk into the lecture hall, and scan the room. The class is arranged with tier seating and long tables, and as you work your eyes around the room, you spot him at the very top. You've had a few projects with Chan before, so you know how intelligent he is. You've talked a lot more over the course of the semester, so it wouldn't be weird to sit beside him.
"Ready for the test?" you ask, approaching the table he's sitting at.
He looks up at you and smiles.
"I hope so, I've been cramming all night for this. You?"
"Nope." You grin and give him a thumbs up, pulling out the chair next to him and taking a seat.
"Glad to see you're confident," he laughs.
The rest of the class trudges in, and the test begins.
First thing you write is your name. Easy enough.
You concentrate on Chan, and peer into his mind. He's reading the first question, and after a few minutes of words formulating in his brain, he writes down an answer. You always found it interesting to see how different people think, and Chan's thoughts are muddied as he tries to answer the questions. But when he figures out an answer, everything comes into total focus.
You rewrite his answers on your paper, making sure to use different words. As much as you dislike doing it, this isn't your first time cheating on a test like this, so you know how to not get caught.
A particularly tricky question is next, and you can see his thoughts wander from the test, to the class, to... you. You see yourself in his imagination.
He's daydreaming. This is not good, you need him to focus on the test.
You think about tuning into someone else's mind, but you're captured by what he imagines.
He reaches out his hand, gently placing it over yours. He squeezes it lightly.
You have to look at your hand to make sure it wasn't real. His imagination is extremely vivid. You see movement out of the corner of your eye, which turns out to be Chan shaking his head. Just like that, the image disappears and he's back to thinking about the question.
What was that?
You don't have time to ponder what that could mean when he starts writing down his answer, and you have to quickly catch up to him before he stops thinking about it.
The next question also seems to be giving him trouble, because he stops to think about it for a long time. Eventually, he drifts off into another daydream. He imagines the classroom again, and himself scooting his chair next to you. The version of you in his imagination rests your head on his shoulder. It's very cute, all things considered.
Then it dawns on you. He has a crush on you.
Well isn't that just adorable. It would be cuter if he would just get back to the test before you both fail.
He turns his head to look at you, resting peacefully on his shoulder. He smiles and leans in to kiss you.
Your fingers instinctively brush your lips. It's not rare for people to have vivid sensory imaginations, but you almost never get a tactile experience from your power. He must be imagining the feeling of touching you, enough that you feel it through him.
If only he had Aphantasia, and not the worlds strongest imagination. You don't think either of you will be passing this test.
He moves his hand from on top of yours to caressing your thigh. Then, it moves closer to the waistband of your pants-
You cough loudly, breaking his focus. The image disappears in an instant. You see the muddied words coming back, and he's finally thinking about the test again.
You can feel heat rising to your cheeks. Was he imagining what you think he was imagining?
He has been stuck on this question for a while, so you probably wont find anyone else in class who's still working on it. And even if you could, you'd have to check the minds of the entire class. You're stuck peeping in Chan's mind if you want to possibly pass the test.
It's feels a bit strange to be the subject of Chan's romantic fantasies, but not in a bad way. He's handsome, kind, smart, funny in an awkward kind of way that you've always found charming...
You've never thought about him that way before. But knowing how he feels, you'll definitely be thinking about him now.
You realize you're starting to drift off the same way Chan was, and go back to concentrating on your cheating scheme.
Luckily, he's focused on the right subject now, and he flies through the answers. He's almost too fast, and you have to leave some answers half done in order to keep pace. Hopefully you'll still get half a mark for those ones.
You're on the last question now. He takes some time to read and reread the question, and when he starts to think of an answer, he goes back and reads the question one more time. You're worried, the tricky questions are when he starts to nod off.
He rests his head on his hand and his mind wanders back to his imagination. At this point, you think you should just try to answer the question yourself, but your mind freezes when he continues where he left off.
His hand moves up your thigh, and between your legs. He rubs you over the fabric of your pants, but the friction is enough to feel your core start to pulse. You start moaning involuntarily, and Chan smirks to himself. 'Quiet, we're still in class' he whispers. He pretends to keep writing with one hand, while the other slips into your pants. You're not wearing underwear, so he can easily move his fingers to circle your clit. You cover your mouth with your fist to stifle a moan. The pace is slow, but you're able to pretend to be working while he works his fingers. You find yourself mindlessly rocking into him. He increases his speed, and you feel your orgasm building while you try to suppress another moan. Your head leans back as you buck into his hand, and you feel yourself about to- Suddenly, his fingers stop. Your core is still throbbing, but he takes his hand out of your pants. You look at him pleadingly, and he pats his lap for you to sit on. You look around the classroom. Everyone is too focused on their tests to notice you getting up. You stand to straddle him, and before you can sit down, he unbuttons your pants and pulls them down. If anyone turned around to look, they would see him groping your ass. He guides you down to sit on his lap, and you feel his bulge prodding against your folds. "Finish yourself on me," he whispers. You try to turn your head to see if anyone's watching, but he stops you. "Just look at me. Don't worry about anyone else." Nervously, you rub yourself on his bulge, and even under the fabric you can feel how hard he is. When you feel your orgasm building up again, you forget about the possibility of anyone seeing and hump him harder. His clothed dick against your bare cunt clouds your mind, and you try to get as much friction against him as you can. You buck into him faster, and you feel him getting harder as he starts to rock against you. You feel yourself about to cum again, but he lifts you up onto the desk and lays you on your back. "Chan, please," you whine. You can't take this anymore, and you rub your legs together to feel any sort of release. He pulls your legs apart, opening your soaking wet pussy to the world. Before you can even complain, his pants are down, and his massive cock is throbbing against your entrance. He easily slides himself into you, and you feel him moving up your walls. He fills you up completely, staying there for a moment before pulling out and slamming himself right back in. He rams into you, hitting your sweet spot. His hand is back on your clit, rubbing circles while he continues his ruthless pace with his cock pounding in and out of your throbbing core. He slams into you faster and faster as he chases his own high, losing control as his body acts on instinct. You're almost at your limit, and you feel your orgasm about to peak-
"Time's up everyone! Turn in your tests," the professor announces to the class.
You feel your core pulsing as you snap back to reality. Your heart is beating loudly in your chest, and you realize none of that was real, despite it being incredibly vivid. Somehow, you lost yourself in his fantasy.
You look over to Chan, and notice his erection as he quickly writes something down for the last question. You look back to your own test, and see the empty space where you should've wrote your answer. You have no idea what to write. You don't even remember what the question was.
All you remember was Chan pounding into you at a brutal pace.
You look back to Chan as he stands, and when he makes eye contact, his cheeks turn red and he looks away. He hurriedly stuffs all his things into his bag and speed walks down the steps.
If you want to pass this class, you can never sit next to him again. You definitely should never read his mind again.
However... you do want to know what else he's thinking about when you're near him.
And you really want to know what he's like outside of his imagination.
Tumblr media
EPILOGUE:
Two weeks later, your test scores are posted to the schools website. You click on the link to see how you did. As it loads in, you wait with baited breath.
You failed the test.
A/N: I hope someone went to look up what Aphantasia was, and suddenly everything made sense in their life when they realized they have it. And they have to live their life knowing that an incredibly important part of their worldview and way of thinking was discovered by reading a kpop x reader smut fic.
read part two here!
2K notes · View notes
sarahreesbrennan · 8 months
Note
Are all the themes in “in other lands” supposed to be a commentary on something? Or do you just like writing sex scenes between minors, age gaps, and reverse misogyny?
Genuine question.
Ohhh, my dear anon, I don't believe this is a genuine question.
But it does bring up something I've been meaning to talk about. So I'll take the bait.
Firstly. Yes, my work contains a commentary on the world around us. I wonder what I could be doing with the child soldiers being sexually active in their teens (people hook up right after battles), and the age gap relationship ending in the younger one being too mature for the elder. What could I possibly have been attempting when I said 'how absurd gender roles are, when projected onto people we haven't been accustomed by our own society to see that way'? I wasn't being subtle, that's for sure.
Secondly. Yes I do enjoy writing! I think I should, it's my life's work. Am I titillated by my own writing, no - though I think it's fine to be. The sex scenes of In Other Lands aren't especially titillating, to be honest. It is interesting to me how often people sneer at women for writing romance and sex scenes, having 'book boyfriends,' insinuating women writers fancy their own characters. Women having too much immoral fun! Whereas men clearly write about sex for high literary purposes.
… I have to say from my experience of women and men's writing, I haven't found that to be true.
I’m not in this to have an internet argument. Mostly people use bad faith takes to poke at others from the other side of a screen for kicks. But I do know some truly internalise the attitude that writing certain things is wrong, that anyone who makes mistakes must be shunned as impure, and that is a deeply Victorian and restrictive attitude that guarantees unhappiness.
I've become increasingly troubled by the very binary and extreme ways of thinking I see arising on the internet. They come naturally from people being in echo chambers, becoming hostile to differing opinions, and the age-old conundrum of wanting to be good, fearing you aren't, and making the futile effort to be free of sin. It makes me think of Tennyson, who when travelling through Ireland at the time of the Great Famine, said nobody should talk about the 'Irish distress' to him and insisted the window shades of his carriage be shut as he went from castle to castle. So he wouldn't see the bodies. But that didn't make the bodies cease to be.
In Les Mis, Victor Hugo explores why someone might steal, what that means about them and their circumstances, and who they might be - and explores why someone else is made terribly unhappy, and endangers others, through their own too rigid adherence to judgement and condemnation without pity. The story understands both Jean Valjean the thief and Javert the policeman. Javert’s way of thinking is the one that inevitably leads to tragedy.
Depiction isn't endorsement. Depiction is discussion.
Many of my loved ones have had widely varying relationships to and experience of sex (including 'none'). They've felt all different types of ways about it. If writing about them is not permissible, I close them out. I'd much rather a dialogue be open than closed.
I do understand the urge to write what seems right to others. I've been brain-poisoned that way myself. I used to worry so much about my female characters doing the wrong things, because then they'd be justly hated! Then I noted which of my writer friends had people love their female characters the most - and it was the one who wrote their female characters as screwing up massively, making rash and sometimes wrong decisions. Who wrote them as people. Because that's what people do. That's what feels true to readers.
I want my characters to feel true to readers. I want my characters to react in messy ways to imperfect situations. I love fantasy, I love wild action and I love deep thought, and I want to engage. That's what In Other Lands is about. That's even more what Long Live Evil is about. That sexy lady who sashays in to have sexy sex with the hero - what is her deal? Someone who tricks and lies to others - why are they doing that, how did they get so skilled at it? What makes one person cruelly judgemental, and another ignore all boundaries? What makes Carmen Maria Machado describe ‘fictional queer villains’ as ‘by far the most interesting characters’? What irritates people about women having a great time? What attracts us to power, to fiction, and to transgression?
I don’t know the answers to all those questions, but I know I want to explore them. And I know one more thing.
If the moral thing to do is shut people out and shut people up? Count me among the villains.
2K notes · View notes
snapscube · 1 year
Text
so i don't know if this is a post i'm gonna keep up cause, like i said, i don't really like talking candidly about aspects of my personal identity often these days, and lord knows i especially hate talking about legal identity and all the dissonance that entails. but this week was a pretty big one for me and i can't shake the desire to share my enthusiasm for even just a fleeting moment.
my name has been a sticking point in my mind for a long time. i've adopted many different ones. first, middle, last, you name it. i've been searching most of my life for a moniker that represented my true self socially, and a surname to distance myself from someone in my life who hurt me very badly and never really learned how to stop.
obviously for a long time now I've been Penny Parker to 98% of people who know me, and for the past couple that number has been bumped up to a solid 99% with a few stragglers. it's a name that is so mundane and assumed at this point that tbh I've even come to resent certain aspects of it. which to me is actually beautiful. i find that mundanity, that nuance, extremely telling of how it encapsulates my life. it's a fully three-dimensional reflection, smudges and sparkles and everything in between.
of course, i only just moved out on my own 3 years ago. and unfortunately that had to be the starting point to make this social and personal progress i've been sitting on for half a decade at least now official, tangible, legal. i've been playing a game of catch-up i didn't sign up for, but it's one that does have a silver lining in that i feel more in resonance with who i am and who i want to be than i ever did before being granted this independence.
and as of this week, i have the pleasure of entering an era of my life where the dissonance between who i am in speech and who i am in contract is nonexistent. my name is Penny Olivia Parker. i'm the same as i've always been, but getting better every day at it. soon i'll even have a license to match!
sometimes more of an Olivia Parker in brief moments nowadays tbh but i haven't worked out the details yet. nothin you need to stress over, ill take care of it. the full set is just fine and legally recognized, which is all i've wanted for as long as i can remember.
this isn't the end of my journey, both excitingly and unfortunately haha, but this is yet another huge milestone for me and in certain respects it's one of the biggest i've managed. i'm so happy to still be here. if you're reading this, thank you for being here too.
also those of you who watched my direct reactions the other day might have a little more insight as to why i was so emotional that the day after a judge signed my legal name change a new game by the Sonic Mania devs was announced called "Penny's Big Breakaway" LOL, it was a lot to handle for me but i wasn't sure how much i wanted to say just yet.
5K notes · View notes
Protective Flower
Pairing: Harry Hook x Fem!Reader
Wordcount: 1.4k
Summary: While making your rounds of the Isle making sure everyone still fears your name, you run into an old acquaintance. Someone oversees this and doesn't take lightly to others touching what is his.
Bingo: @eclipsingbingo with the square 'Jealousy'
*Gif does not belong to me
Tumblr media
Boots clicking with every step, you had not a care in the world as you walked through the Isle of the Lost. Why would you? You were the daughter of Madame Gothel, the Mother Gothel. Everyone on the Isle knew of your mother's story and with that came protection, a blanket of safety that her name alone offered you.
That didn't mean you let the glare on your features fall or had your back turned on anyone for too long. With brisk steps you passed through different sections of the Isle, never staying for too long. It was only when you saw the back of someone's head whom you never thought you'd see again.
"Jay?" You slowly question, your voice hesitant in case who you thought was in front of you was an illusion or just an insanely good look-alike whom you've never seen before that day. It was only when the boy's head of long brown hair turned and a whisper of your name left his lips that you knew it was him. "What are you doing here? I thought you had gotten off this island and were at Auradon."
"Some circumstances have changed," He muttered with a coy grin, bounding his way over to you. The fast approach made you take a few small steps back, trying to put distance in between the two of you in case he decided to try something, though Jay bypassed this easily, one of his strides making up for three of yours as he wrapped his arms tightly around you. "I've missed you. We all have."
You froze immediately as you were engulfed, not expecting the embrace and hardly knowing what to call it. The feeling that arose from being trapped within Jay's arms was odd, almost comforting. That didn't matter though as you kept your arms glued to your side, not raising them to return the gesture.
"I'm sure it would've passed," You mumbled, voice gruff as you remembered what it had been like before Jay, Mal, Evie and Carlos left the Isle. How things have changed since then. Your words caused Jay to finally pull back, which you were both grateful for since the action was weak, though also longed for it to return, the simple contact something you have never experienced on the Isle evoking something within you. It must have been some trickery Auradon had taught them. "You never did say why you were here. And if you're here, I'm assuming so are the others."
"About that," Jay trailed off, hand sheepishly going to rub at the back of his neck. The action instantly had you quirking an eyebrow, never before seen such an action from the taller VK. Or former VK. "Carlos actually sent me to come and find you. We were wondering if we could use your help. Like old times-"
"What do we have here?" A taunting voice called out, cutting off the end of Jay's sentence, not that you needed to hear the rest of it to know what he was asking of you. You didn't even bat an eye to the new voice, coming well accustomed to it in the past year, more so than before Jay and his little redeemed squad had run off. "Runnin' into ya two times in a day has got ta be a good omen."
Jay's whole deemer immediately changed at not only the sight of him but also the sound. Turning an annoyed glare that held more heat than you knew Jay could still muster onto the newest arrival, Jay greeted him with a less than pleased grunt, "Hook."
Harry Hook, in all his glory, came out from the shadows he had previously lurking in so the deranged grin he was flashing could be seen by all.
"Don't sound so sad ta see me," Harry's laugh felt as if a harsh bite had sunken into you. It wasn't unwelcomed but such a stark contrast to what Jay had offered you moments ago. His eyes fell on you quickly, blue irises sucking you in as he walked closer, sealing his spot at your side as he wrapped a tight arm around your waist and pulled you flush to his side. "I was wondering when the two of yer would meet again. It was only a matter of time I suppose."
Jay's eyes locked in on the hand on your waist, Harry's fingers flexing at the sight as they curled in tighter. The sensation didn't hurt, not when you've felt it before. It was almost comforting, though in a different way to how Jay tried offering it. You weren't oblivious enough to not understand that Harry was staking his claim, however, making it known to Jay how things were running this time around.
"I didn't know the two of you had buddied up since we've been gone," Jay had to drag his eyes away from where the two of you were connected, never taking his eyes off of you as he refused to look into Harry's.
"Things have changed since you and the others were taken off the Isle," You shrugged your shoulders up as you spoke, giving it to Jay plainly. After he and the others left you were without a gang to call your own, leaving you to resort to other means of getting by. "Not all of us were whisked away to be Princesses and Princes."
"I can see that," Jay breathes out as if the words were vile on his tongue. You weren't ashamed of this. Just because you had grown closer to Harry and his crew in his and the other's absence didn't mean you were going to flip a switch now that they were back. "It was nice catching up with you. If you want to talk more, you know where to find us."
"I'll see you around Jay," You bid your farewell, surprised that Harry was able to remain as quiet as he did. Not sparing you another word, though his eyes flickered down to where Harry kept his hold on you, Jay turned away so he could make his way back to the hideout he must've come from.
"Now wasn't that a lovely chat," Harry chirped, rounding on you once Jay was out of sight. His other hand came down to your hip, resting there tightly as he slowly began to back you up. "I was just on my way to warn ya as well of Mal and her little crew's arrival. Somehow ya always beat me to it though."
"I must just be lucky at sniffing out people with pretty faces," You say, not a second later your back came in contact with the wall behind you, a small huff leaving your nose at the contact. With a cruel quirk of your lips, you bring a hand up to pass through some of his hair. "Maybe that's how I found you all those months ago."
"Cute," Harry barked out a bitter laugh, bringing his face closer to yours. Some of that bitterness seeped into his face as he looked down at you, his next words coming as a sting. "Uma doesn't want ya going near them. Who knows what they've brought from Auradon. And we all know how close ya were with them before they left."
"Good thing Uma doesn't control what I do then," You dipped your face to the side as Harry tried to trap your lips in a harsh kiss, his teeth ready to make an appearance. Instead, a kiss was left on your cheek, the pirate recoiling back once he realised. With a smirk of your own, you leaned in, trailing feather-light kisses across his neck and jaw. Your lips ghosted his skin, never staying in one spot for too long. "Though I'm sure an exception could be made if you asked nicely."
"Stay away from Jay and his friends," Harry spoke lowly, lips chasing after yours as you continued to evade him. With a raised brow, you stared at him as if you were waiting for more, leaning back so he couldn't reach you. With an eye roll from his dark eyes, an abundance of eyeliner smeared around them, he grinned out, "Please."
You waited a few moments, bringing both of your hands up to cup his face. Dragging him slowly, you brushed your lips quickly against his, muttering before finally giving him what he wanted, "I'll consider it."
Tumblr media
2K notes · View notes
flawseer · 1 month
Text
Tumblr media
"#21 - Ancient", follow-up
I'm not going to be able to finish Smaugust #23 today, so that will have to wait until tomorrow. Apologies.
Instead, for a change of pace, let's talk about something different. I've seen a few reactions to my submission for day 21 that wondered what on earth must have possessed Secretkeeper to romantically pursue Morrowseer, and what that must have been like. Did they love each other? Was there any tenderness or affection between them? I figured I should give you my take on them.
I believe that Morrowseer--somewhere deep within his black, twisted lump of a heart--did indeed have feelings for Secretkeeper. You can kind of see this in the Prisoners short where he very unfavorably compares Farsight to Secretkeeper and sings the praises of the latter. He holds her in high esteem and seems to value her intelligence. He probably really wanted to have a meaningful relationship with her.
Unfortunately, he is wracked with the burden of having to be Morrowseer; a bitter, deeply unpleasant, emotionally shallow old dragon incapable of the humility required to be compassionate. For all the prestige and clout that Morrowseer has as an elite member of the Queen's court, his social life seems very empty and sad. He has no friends, only co-workers (who don't like him) and underlings (who butter him up), and I think he feels incomplete because of that. To fill this void, he fixates on asserting his importance and is desperate to maintain his status. He deeply desired to be the father of the prophecy Nightwing--which would have cemented him as the one dragon who saved his tribe--and the fact that he failed to sire a child in time not once (necessitating Starflight), but twice (necessitating Fatespeaker) eats him up on the inside. He perceives this as a huge failure, and Mastermind (who succeeded where he failed) picked up on this and mocks him for it. His entire conversation with Farsight reeks of "I am mad and jealous that your kid is special! It should have been mine!! Goddamnit why wasn't it mine!??"
For Secretkeeper's side... no, I don't think there's any deep affection there. I don't think she anticipated this relationship happening in the first place. But she did want to have a child, and when Morrowseer approached her, she weighed her options. If one can stomach living with someone like Morrowseer--who always has to be the most important person in the room--it's not an entirely bad deal. You get a lot of social clout as the Queen's right hand's mate, and since Morrowseer is exempt from the strict food rationing policy, you also get to eat. And he actively wants to have children to secure his legacy, which, if that's what you want as well, is pretty good. So in my mind she probably just went "Yeah, I can probably make this work. I'm sure he's not as bad to be around when he likes you." and agreed out of convenience.
But I doubt she loved him. There isn't really a reality where I can reconcile "She loved him" and "She kept their shared child a secret from him because she did not trust him". The only thing Secretkeeper genuinely loved about Morrowseer was that she was able to have Moonwatcher. So she stuck it out for her daughter, and I don't think she was upset for very long when Morrowseer died. She might have even felt a sense of relief that she didn't have to keep lying anymore.
I've seen people point to the fact that Secretkeeper felt a desire to tell Moonwatcher who her father was, and then posit that this means she did have feelings for him. I'm not sure I really agree. All that tells me is that she has feelings for Moonwatcher and wants her to know the truth. But if the truth is "I didn't really love your father, he was an awful and unpleasant person and I was just with him so I could have you", it becomes understandable why she would choose not to tell her.
That's my read of the situation anyway. Yours might be entirely different!
506 notes · View notes
sturniqlo · 3 months
Text
Wait For You- C.S
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
summary: Chris leads Y/n on and things don't end well between them. What happens when they cross paths again but she's not ready anymore?
cw: angst, cursing
an: this is a favorite of mine, hope you enjoy:)
masterlist
-----------------------------------------------
"Hey Chris!" Y/n says as Chris opens the front door to let her in. "Hey, Y/n." He gives her a side hug as she enters the house, closing the door during the hug. "Know what you wanna do today?" Chris asks as he leads her up the stairs to enter the kitchen. "Mm, thought we could go shopping? Maybe eat lunch while we're at it?" She leans against the island.
"Sounds good, let me go get changed really quickly." He says as he runs off to his room. Y/n stays in the kitchen, pulling up a chair and scrolls on her phone. If Matt or Nick were here, she would be hanging out with them while she waited for Chris. After less than ten minutes Chris enters the kitchen once again. "Ready?" She turns on the phone and get up. "Let's go."
"Hey! I told you if you wanted fries and you said no." She whines as she sees Chris grab a handful of her fries. "Sharing is caring, pretty sure Paula showed you that." He refers to her mom. "Whatever," She rolls her eyes. "I have something to tell you later." She says, feeling nervous. "Can I know now?" She shakes her head at his question. "Fine, I think I can wait."
"What time do you have to be home to film?" She asks as she puts the car in drive. The triplets had started their youtube channel not that long ago, and they quickly got a following and became popular after graduation which was about a month ago. "In like fifteen minutes." Chris shrugs. "Fifteen? Why didn't you tell me? We're like thirty minutes away." Chris grabs her hand resting on the arm rest. She starts to feel those butterflies in her tummy anytime he touches her. "Wanted to spend more time with you."
As Y/n pulled up to Chris' house. She parks the car and looks at Chris so she can tell him the news. "So," Chris cuts her off. "Y/n, can I tell you something?" Y/n nods. "Sure, anything." Chris sighs before he begins. "I know we've been hanging out a lot lately, and I've noticed that you've seen me more as a friend, but I don't feel the same way. And I'm sorry if I made it seem like I felt the same way, I just didn't want you to feel embarrassed that I wasn't showing the same emotions back." Her heart sinks and her ears start ringing.
"What?" She says in disbelief. "Y/n," He starts again, and tries to grab her hand, but she pulls her hand away. "Chris, no. Are- are you serious? You knew I had feelings for you, so you decided to play along and just mess with my feelings? Do you know how fucked up that is? I- I can't believe this." Her eyes start welling up with tears. "How could you do something like that? You could've just told me when you first noticed and I would've back off. I would've preferred that more than your stupid ass game."
"Y/n it wasn't a game." He sighs, feeling his heart break each time he saw her wipe a tear that he caused. "Get out my car, Chris." She turns to look out at her window, she couldn't even look at him anymore. "Y/n, let's talk about it, please?" Chris pleads, but it doesn't mean anything to her anymore. "Chris, seriously, get out of my car. I can't be around you right now." Her tears are coming down so fast she can barely wipe them as they fall down to her neck, leaving streaks of mascara down her cheeks.
After what feels like hours, she hears Chris unbuckle the seat belt and collect his shopping bags from the floor then opening the car door and getting out. Finally, she looks over at him and sees that his eyes are glossed. "Don't you dare try to contact me or use any of our friends to reach me and don't come to my house. I'm done with you and our friendship." She grabs the car door and slams it. She quickly puts the car in parks and drives off.
As much as Chris wants to chase after her car like a damn dog, he stands frozen in place. His heart aching more by the second, and every second that passes by he wishes his commitment issue hadn't gotten in the way. Now he has lost his best friend.
It must've been a while that he stood there. The sound of tires on the gravel making him look up, only hoping that it's Y/n returning to talk to him. To listen to him. It didn't help that both Matt and Y/n's car were black and almost looked like the same model. He only realized that it was Matt and Nick from the way Matt beeped at him.
"The fuck you standing out here for?" Nick says as he rolls the window down sipping on his Dr.Pepper. "I just fucked up in the worst way possible. I broke her. Fuck." He puts his hands on his eyes and throws his head back and sighs. Nick knew what Chris was talking about. He had told his weeks prior that leading her on wasn't the smartest idea. But, he never listened to him. "Nick, take him inside. I'll park the car and head inside." Nick gets out of the car and picks up Chris' bags off the ground and wraps his arm around Chris' shoulders to take him inside.
"Fuck, Nick. I- I should've listened to you." Nick shushes him. "Hey, we'll talk about it in a bit. Why don't you cool down a bit, okay?"
It took Chris about an hour to calm down and collect his thought before he could tell his brothers what had happened. During the hour of silence, Nick snuck some texts to Y/n even after Chris told him not to. Knowing that she said specifically to not use them to try and contact her. However, Nick was contacting her for himself. After all, she was a friend to all three. Matt just laid back on the couch and put his hands on his forehead. Just thinking about how if she doesn't want to talk to Chris, she doesn't want to talk to all three of them. And also thinking about how he lost a friend.
After telling them everything that happened, Matt didn't hesitate to call his every name in the book. Idiot, Son of a bitch, Dumbass, Stupid, Dickhead. You name it. Matt didn't know any of this was happening on Chris' part. He knew Y/n had a crush on Chris and the way he saw Chris with her, he thought he felt the same way. But, Matt was wrong.
The two boys kept telling him to go to her house. Matt offered to drive him. But, Chris always reminded them of the part where she said to not go to her house. "Okay, how about you just give her a week or two. And then go to her house and talk it out. And during that time, me and Nick will text her to see how she's doing." Matt suggested and Chris liked the idea.
Over the next fourteen days, Chris' daily life consisted of waking up, eating, laying back in bed, scrolling through pictures of himself and Y/n, shower, eat, and sleep. Nick and Matt tried to reach Y/n every other day to not annoy her as much. Nick asked her to hang out a couple of times but she always politely with being busy and getting ready for college. Y/n was the only one out of all four of them to apply to colleges as she wanted to major in marketing. Nick asked her what college she chose but she always left him on read.
The triplets had known that she applied to many colleges, both in-state and out of state. She didn't tell them which ones because she didn't want to get her hopes up if she felt particularly about one school.
On the fourteenth day, Chris decided to head to Y/n's house. In the morning, he walked into Matt's room and asked if he could get a ride more later to Y/n's house. Of course, he said yes. Given the fact that he wants Chris to fix this situation he caused. Then came six o'clock. The sun was unfortunately starting to set. Chris kept stalling whenever Matt came into his room and asked if he was ready. "The sun is going down for fuck sakes. If you don't get your ass in the car in ten minutes i'm not taking you whenever you ask again." He leaves and shuts the door. Chris looked himself in the mirror, his under eye bags had gotten bad. His hair was messy, he hadn't shaved his somewhat of a stubble. He looked a mess.
When Matt was getting fed up in the car he went to turn off the car but he saw Chris come out the house. "I'm nervous." Chris says has he gets in the car, pulling his hood on. "Just- I don't even know what to tell you, honestly."
The fifteen minute car ride was silent the whole way. Chris' leg kept on bouncing and he kept picking at his fingers. "It's your time to shine, buddy." Matt padded his shoulder. Since there was no parking in front of her house, he parked at the beginning of her block. "If she slaps you, you deserved it and I don't blame her. But, whatever she says you have to respect her decision. Good or bad. You really went low with this one." He unlocked and turned off the car. "I'll see you in a bit."
As Chris began to walk to her house, he couldn't get the image of her crying out of his head. He'd never made her cry. He'd only ever seen her cry once when her childhood dog passed away a couple years ago. He saw her car in the driveway and knew she was home. He took a deep breath before going up her stairs. It took him a minute or two before ringing the doorbell and knocking on the door. He waited there for a minute. Chris started to believe that Y/n saw him standing out there from her home cameras and chose not to open the door.
"Respect her decision. Good or bad." He replays Matt's words over and over in his head. He snapped out of his trance as he heard footsteps approaching the door and unlocking it from the inside. As the door opens he's met with Y/n dad, Ryan. Fuck. He thinks. Y/n's dad is really protective of her and he wouldn't be surprised if Ryan just punched him across the face.
"Christopher." He never called him his full name. Always Chris or son. "Hey," He pauses. "Is Y/n home?" Chris says. Ryan furrows his eyebrows in confusion. "No, she's not." Now Chris is confused. "But, her car is here. I'm sorry, I haven't spoken to her since that day." He mentions and her dad hums. "Ah, yes. She told me about that. Just to let you know, I'm not mad at you and neither is Paula, trust me. You two are still young and are learning about love and everything. I know you two will find your way back to each other." His words make Chris' shoulders sink in relief. "But, I have some bad news for you, Son." Here it comes. She doesn't ever want to see him again. Ever. "I don't think she told you did she?" Chris looks at him weird. "About what?"
"She chose her college two days before going last saw her. I'm guessing she never told you when you two last saw eachother." He says the same thing again. "She told me a couple of weeks ago she was thinking of choosing Boston University because she got accepted." Did she leave for college already? Was she currently unpacking her dorm? "Chris, she left for California, she got accepted into UCLA. She's on the plane already." His heart sinks and he feels like can throw up at any moment. "What? Nick- he spoke to her yesterday. He didn't tell me this." Chris says.
"I'm sorry, son. Maybe you can call her when she lands? But, it'll be pretty late. It'll be twelve over there and three am here." Chris sighs. "I- I have to go. I'm sorry about everything, really. I'll see you around." Chris tries to hold back his tears. "Take care of yourself, Chris." He walks down the few steps and power walks to the car.
"She left, Matt." Chris startles Matt as he came out of nowhere. "What?" Matt drops his phone on his lap. "Did you know about this? Did Nick tell you?" He yells. "Chill out! No, I didn't know about this. Nick knows?" Chris gets into the car and pulls out his phone to call Nick. "Where did she leave to?"
"She got accepted into UCLA, she was going to tell me that day and I stopped her from it. Fuck." He tells Matt. "Holy shit."
"Nick, did you know that Y/n left for California and didn't tell us two?" Chris spits out as soon as Nick picks up the phone. "Wait, wait, what?" Nick yells. "I didn't know about this. I know I was texting her but she only mentioned college not what college, holy shit."
A YEAR LATER
It had been a year since Chris had last saw Y/n. Over the first month of not having Y/n by his side, he realized he had actually felt the same way about her. He tried to call her that same night he spoke with her dad but she didn't pick up. Weeks after weeks, all three of them tried to call. She didn't answer anybody. Not even Nick. They were all devastated that she had went no contact with them but they respected her choice. She had her reasons and they didn't question it.
The triplets had moved to LA in hopes of boosting their careers as content creators. But, the thought of Y/n being in the same city as Chris was always in the back of his mind. Any place he went, he always looked for her. Every restaurant, store, party, park. Everywhere. Chris had tried to move on, but he just couldn't.
It wasn't until one day where Nick had went out on his walk and stumbled upon a smoothie shop. He went in curious about the new place that had opened ten minutes from their LA home. Has he waited in line and placed his order, he took a seat on a bench near the window. He heard the chime of the bells that hung over there. As always he looked to see who had walked in. And his eyes almost came out their sockets. It was Y/n.
Although her hair was dyed from black to brown, and she was wearing sun glasses. He recognized her small tattoo she had on her arm, a little star. He stared at her like a hawk. His childhood best friend who he hadn't heard from in a year stood in line in the same smoothie shop ten minutes from his shared home with his brothers.
He wanted to make sure it was actually her. He hoped that she would take her sunglasses off of her face. A couple of seconds later, she rested her glasses on top of her head and he spotted that tiny mole she had near her eye. She went towards the back of the shop and sat down placing her bag on the table taking out her Macbook. When the barista called out his order he grabbed it and sat back down on the bench. Contemplating if he should go up to her.
He sent Matt a quick message. Not sending one to Chris because he know he will check Nicks location and sprint to see Y/n.
nick
you'll NEVER guess who's at the smoothie shop!!!
matt
smoothie shop?
nick
it's Y/N
matt
y/n??? as in y/n, Y/N??
nick
what other y/n do we know? should i go up to her? idk what to do HELP!!
DONT TELL CHRIS
matt
yes go up to her!!
and no i won't tell chris
After sipping on his smoothie and nervously biting his straw. Nick gets the courage to go up to her. "Y/n?" He stand in front of her table. "Nick?" She gasps and smiles. "Oh my god! What are you doing here?" She stands up, he places his smoothie down and gives her a hug. "I live like ten minutes from here!" Nick says. "You guys ended up moving to LA?" She pulls away with a smile on her face. "Yeah! We got here about three months ago." Y/n hugs him one more time. She couldn't believe it was Nick.
"Sit, sit with me. If you're not in a rush, that is." She sits back down and Nick pulls out the chair in front of him. "Not at all." They chat for a while, ignoring that one question Nick is wanting to ask. But eventually he asks. "I don't want to ruin the mood or anything but, what happened? Not with you know who but getting up and leaving all of a sudden?" He says. She sighs, putting her smoothie down. "I was going to tell you guys. I was actually going to tell Chris that night but then you know what happened. I had- It was a spur in the moment, I guess? I wasn't supposed to leave until the end of August. But, I needed time to focus on myself and I just thought to come here and get used to the place I'll be in for a couple of years."
"And I know you guys were probably calling me, but, shit, you won't believe this but my phone got stolen right when I landed here. Some idiot on a bike swiped my phone from my hand when I saw the calls from all three of you. So I had to text my parents from a strangers phone. And I lost all my contacts, my social media passwords and everything." She sighed. "And I didn't memorize anyone's number besides my parents'."
"Oh shit, that would've been my last straw." Nick said. "Trust me, it was. I broke down on the phone with my mom and she actually flew out here the next day while she got me an uber to my hotel." After what feels like hours of catching up. Nick has to leave. "I have to go now." He pouts, looking at the time on his phone. They had been talking for three hours considering that it was now nearing one in the afternoon. "That's fine, here give me your phone, I'll give you my number." He hands her his phone and she goes to look for her contact. She replaces her old phone number with her new one.
"Here, I replaced my old number with my new one." He puts it back in his pocket. "Thanks, I'll text you first thing when I get home. And, is it okay if I told Chris that I ran into you?" He picks up his empty smoothie cup. "Sure, I don't hold anything against him anymore, and honesty I've gotten over him and the whole situation. I understand where he was coming from." She also grabs her bag and slings it over her shoulder. Nicks heart breaks a bit for Chris but understands where Y/n is coming from.
"Oh- well I'm glad you're doing better now. Let's try and plan a hangout soon?" They both walk out the shop together. "Definitely! Well, I'm going this way." She points to the right. "And I'm going that way." Nick points to the left. "I'll keep in touch." Y/n leans in for one more hug. "Me too. See you soon."
Nick had a pep in his step as he walked back home. He kept replaying his conversation with Y/n. He just couldn't belive she was back in his life. When he stepped foot inside the house. He saw Chris on the couch. "Where were you? I thought you went on a walk?" Chris asks. "I bumped into someone." For a second, Y/n crossed over Chris' mind. But that would be impossible, right? "Oh? Who?" He turns his phone off. "Y/n," Chris' heart starts to beat fast. "Y/n? As in Y/n, Y/n?" He had the same reaction Matt did. "Yes, I ran into her at a smoothie shop and I hung out with her for a couple of hours." Chris couldn't believe it.
"Was- was she okay? Did she say anything about me? Does she hate me? Does she look different?" Chris rambled. "Chill, Chris. I'll tell you everything, but what she said about you. I think you have to hear it from her not me." Nick was right. Close to the living room, Matt had heard Nick's voice and hopped out of his bed. "Nick! How was it? Does she hate us?" Matt asks. "No, she doesn't hate us." Chris is confused. "Matt you knew?"
"Yes, but he told me not to tell you. Knowing you'd track him and show up in front of them." He explained. Chris agreed. He knew he would've made a fool of himself. "Did you get her number?" Nick nods. "We're going to plan something to hand out. I'll ask if she wants to hang out with all three of us."
Two weeks had passed since Nick ran into Y/n, they've texted everyday and gotten used to their old habits of before a year ago. Nick tried to hang out with her the week after they ran into each other but she had a busy schedule with her classes, exams, and her paid internship. But, she had a free day this next week, which is today.
She pulled up in front of the triplets house and knocked on the door waiting for an answer. A couple of seconds passed by and she heard loud footsteps coming. The door opened and revealed Matt. "Matt!" She smiles, pulling him into a hug. "Y/n! Oh my god! I missed you." He hugs her tightly. Pulling away, he moves from the door to let her in. "Nice place." She compliments as she enters the living room area. "Thanks." They both catch up a bit, her telling him everything that had happened a year ago.
"Where's everyone?" She asks. "I think they're showering, I know Nick was in there for a while." He says. Still, he can't believe Y/n is right in front of him. After a couple of minutes, Matt hears his phone ring from his room. "Shit, I'll be back."
Y/n sits in their kitchen alone, on her phone when she hears someone coming up the stairs. She looks to her left and sees Chris. Chris also sees her and freezes. Her hair is brown is the first thing he notices before he notices the smile on her face. "Hey, Chris." She stands up, Chris walking towards her. "Y/n, I- I can't believe you're actually here. Oh my gosh." He automatically pulls her into a hug.
"How- how've you been?" He asks as he pulls away, looking into her eyes. "I've been good. My internship has been kicking my ass, but the pay is too good to quit. And school is school. How about you? How have you been?" She asks. "I've been good, yeah. We've been filming a lot. I came out with a clothing brand called Fresh Love. That's been exciting." She gasps. "Really? That's so cool, I'll have to see it."
They both stare at each other, still can't believe that they're talking again. "Y/n!" Nick breaks their silent moment. Chris turns around and clears his throat. "Hey, Nick." Matt eventually comes back from his phone call and all four of them catch up for about an hour. They then decide to go to a restaurant for lunch. As they go downstairs towards the garage Y/n speaks as Chris quickly goes back up to the kitchen to grab something. "Do you mind if I use the bathroom?" Nick and Matt nod. "You can use Chris' it's in his room." Nick points to the closed door. "We'll be in the car."
Y/n opens the door and sees Chris' room. He doesn't have much. But, she spots a framed picture of herself and Chris from their graduation placed on his nightstand. She quickly spots the bathroom and enters, closing the door behind her. Chris comes down the stairs and sees that his room door is open and is confused. Suddenly he hears his bathroom door opening and closing. He peeps inside and sees Y/n walk out from there, startling her. "Oh! You scared me. Sorry, Nick said I could use your restroom." She says. "It's fine. Hey, can I talk to you real quick?"
She nods. "I know I was a dick last year with everything that went down. And- and I had a lot of time to process everything that we went through and I realized that I had feelings for you all along. My commitment issue got in the way, and I hate that they did." Her heart breaks a bit. "Chris, I'm sorry but, I'm not ready for a relationship anymore. I also had a lot of this to process everything and I realized that I needed to focus on myself more and start fresh. Which is why I wanted to eventually tell you that I just wanted to be friends for now. And just see where we end up in a couple of months." Chris' chest pangs. Respect her decision, respect her decision. Matt's voice echos in his head. "O- Oh. Yeah, that's totally fine. i respect your decision, and I see where you're coming from, But, I just want to let you know that I'm in all the way and I'll always wait for you, okay?" He smiles. "Okay." She smiles, a tear slipping from her eye. But Chris quickly wipes it off from her.
"I'll always wait for you."
479 notes · View notes
allfearstofallto · 3 months
Note
Ok so, I've been having this taught of reader falling into a coma and not remembering anything from what happened before waking up. Which yandere do you think would take advantage and which would feel bad about doing so?
And why is it Diluc?
You were told you told a nasty fall. Right down the stairs at that. You're quite the clutz, one of your maids joked to you, but it's not like you'd remember. Everything about yourself, other than your name was blurry. Your name and something else. Red hair. Long red hair flowing down his back. Other than that, your mind was empty of memories, like you'd been reset with nothing.
"Master Diluc will be here shortly," the maid said with a smile as she used a wet cloth to dab the knot on your forehead. Swollen and painful, you could see the water in her bowl turning red from the dried blood, but she still smiled. Almost as if she enjoyed tending to you, "He's been dying to see you. You've had him worried sick, my lady,"
"Diluc...?" You repeated his name back, it felt foreign on your tongue, yet all too familiar at the same time. You forced yourself to think on that name as you'd done your own and nothing came up. Just empty, hollow, and blank.
She chuckled at your response, "Your husband! My boss. Master Diluc?" She tested these words while staring into your eyes, waiting for any sign of familiarity, but that flicker never lit in your eyes, and you grew more and more confused as she spoke. She watched your face change and in turn, hers did as well. You recognized the expression she was making. A look of worry and fear, that she tried to mask.
"I-i...have a husband?" You asked. The idea sounded crazy even to you. You'd gotten married and completely forgotten the person, forgotten the wedding, forgotten yourself.
Her little bowl was sat to the side and she dusted her hands on her apron. Moving quickly, she gave you a weak, worried smile as she marchd to the door, "I'll go get master Diluc." She said hurriedly, and she was gone. Leaving you in an unfamiliar room, with a strangely comforting ticking of a clock.
It wasn't long before the door opened again and he stepped in. He looked serious, almost scary, but also strangely remorseful. His eyes danced over to your forehead, where the bump was, then back to your face. His lip quivered as he knelt down at your bed side, reaching out to take your hand and being surprised that you allowed it. But his touch was gentle, he traced his thumb up and down the back of your hand, testing words on his tongue before he finally asked, "What do you remember?"
A weak smile formed on your lips. How could you tell him nothing? Or that all you had were bits and pieces of memories and even then, they weren't anything to go by. Yet that little shy smile was more than enough to tell him what you were thinking. He grimaced a bit before taking your hand and squeezing it, his touch was warm, borderline hot against the back of your hand.
"I'm your husband, Diluc Radnvindr and you're my wife. We've been married for two years," he spoke slowly, as if he were explaining this all to a child who wouldn't understand, "We live just a little bit outside of Mondstadt, I own a winery and the surrounding land as well."
At his mention of marriage, you looked down at your hands. Bare. Not even the indent of a ring on your finger.
"We don't have rings?" You questioned curiously, but sure enough, when you looked at his hand, he was wearing his wedding band dutifully. A plain gold band that wrapped around his finger.
Diluc's face tensed when you asked the question. It was an odd expression, not the type to face you expected your husband to make. But he still reached into a table at your side, opening a velvet box and showing you a similar gold band, only this one sparked with jewels and gems. It looked practically brand new. Not even a scratch or fingerprint on it. Almost like it'd never been worn.
"You always told me you weren't too fond of rings," he muttered, but his face looked sorrowful, "I couldn't force you to wear it so you never did."
You looked at that ring and you saw pure beauty. It looked like it was forged with love. You couldn't imagine why you didn't wear it, it was to pretty to not be seen. When you slipped the ring out of the box and onto the finger, Diluc made a face that was a mixture of surprise and horror. You gave him a questioning glance, but only was met with a stiff, but reassuring smile.
Days went by with you being a doting wife to Diluc, but the back of your mind something always felt wrong, like you were doing everything wrong. When you questioned why Diluc always ate his meals in his office, he did sit and eat with you at the table, but the maids looked confused at the sight of him. When you mentioned that it was strange that you and Diluc had supposedly been married so long, but didn't share a room, he allowed you into his bed. But even seemed uncomfortable by your presence.
Your dreams were restless that particular night. You dreamt of memories that you'd forgotten like you were living through them again. It was pouring rain and your heart was pounding. As you ran through the gardens, your feet bare and filthy with mud, all you could think was that you had to get away. But away from what?
Your heart thumping in your ears seemed even louder than the rainfall, your clothes soaked, fear being the only thing that pushed you further. When your wrist was grabbed, you screamed. Screamed harder than you had in your entire life. You expected to see a stranger when you turned, but instead you were met with familiar red hair, and angrier red eyes. Diluc.
He struck you. Hard across your cheek. It was a stinging slap, only calmed by the cold rain water hitting your face. Before you could even get the chance to fight, Diluc was dragging you back the way you came. Towards the manor. Towards your prison. You dug your feet into the mud, but you didn't stand a chance against his superior strength.
When you awoke in a cold sweat, chest heaving and eyes threatening to cry, his arm over your waist felt more like a restraint than a comfort. He slept peacefully right next to you as your mind tried to make sense of your dream, your memory. A pit formed in your stomach, a feeling of fear and worry as you thought about every strange thing about your marriage. About the strange way the maids looked at you. About how Diluc himself seemed almost surprised by what you assumed was typical martial affection. You swallowed hard as faint memories came flooding back. And the sudden realization of the fact that you were being lied to. And the liar, the cause of all of it, was nuzzling his face into you side.
698 notes · View notes
yelenasdiary · 7 months
Note
Subby!bottom!Nat getting a nipple piercing just for R as her birthday present to her. But, the healing process is at least 2 weeks long so Nat always rejects R's advances for steamy sessions cuz it's painful/not allowed and she wants to keep it a secret until finally on the day of R's birthday Nat reveals her big present and R can't stop herself from sucking her titties. Bonus points if you can add in a scene where R tries to cup Nat's tits in one morning when they're cuddling but Nat moans as it hurts and tries to cover it up. (Thankyou for your work, you're amazing)
Happy Birthday!
Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem! Reader
Summary: Nat has painfully been trying to keep your birthday present a surprise. 
Smut 18+ ONLY! Minors & Men, DNI!!
Translations: Detka (baby)
Warnings: Sub! Natasha, Nipple Play (N Receiving), Slight Thigh Riding, Mommy Kink, Tiny Degradation, | 1.3K
AC: Thank you for sending this!! I hope you enjoy it!!
Tumblr media
"All done!" The piercer smiled as they took a step back to make sure the bars were sitting perfectly. "Just be careful with towels, still wear a bra and no sexual activity in that area for at least 2-4 weeks" she added as Natasha put her favorite oversized tee back on. "Thank you, I love them" the red head smiled. 
Nat had been planning this for months, she wanted to surprise you for your birthday but didn't think ahead of how hard she'd have to keep the secret. It's no secret that you're a lover of her breasts, especially when she's wearing one of her tight tank tops making them sit perfectly. She loved to tease you and would often wear a bra that was a little too small, making them almost spill out of her top, driving you crazy. 
It's been two weeks since Nat got her nipples pierced but still felt they were rather sensitive and sore. She was glad that she'd planned this months in advance, your birthday was only a week away which gave her a little more time for the piercings to heal. It wasn't easy though, trying to keep you from hiding out. She was beginning to run out of excuses to kindly avoid any sexual activities between the two of you, so she ended up taking a small trip to Ohio to catch up with Alexie and Melina. 
Nat got back a few days before your birthday and of course you'd missed her. The birds chirped outside the small window of your shared bedroom at the Avengers compound. You rolled over to see Nat reaching for her alarm, given that you missed her so much, you wanted a little extra time in bed before starting the day. Naturally, you dropped an arm over her hip and pulled her closer into you. 
"Good morning" you spoke softly as you placed a kiss on the back of her neck, your hands making their way to cup her breast. "Good morning" Nat smiled, forgetting for a second about her new piercings. Her hands were full of her tits for a split second before Nat moaned with need. You gave them a light squeeze, not thinking twice about why she was wearing a bra to bed, she never wore a bra to bed. She moaned once more before she caught her bottom lip between her teeth to keep the pain from alerting you. 
"God, I've missed you" you whispered, placing another kiss on the back of her neck. Nat playfully chuckled, "I've missed you too, but I can't miss training detka, we'll do this later" she replied as she gently removed your hands from her breasts and sat up, running her fingers through her hair before throwing it up in a messy bun. 
You didn't question her excuse, but it definitely confused you, Nat was always one for a little morning fun before her morning shower. "Is everything okay baby?" You asked, sitting up. 
Natasha nodded, "of course, I've just a busy day today and tomorrow I've got a few errands to run" she replied before leaning over and kissing you softly, "and the quicker I get everything done, the more free time you and I have" she added. 
"I told you not to make a fuss about my birthday" you reminded her. 
"I know detka, but you know how much Wanda loves to get everybody together to celebrate things" Nat replied before slipping out of bed. She had a point, even though you'd said a million times that you didn't want a party or anything, Wanda still made sure there would be some kind of celebration. "I'll see you later tonight" Nat smiled before disappearing into the bathroom. 
----
A playlist of your favorite music played in the background under all the chit chatter from the others. The classic birthday song was sung as you blew out your candles, games were played before everybody was just enjoying a drink and talking among one another. You were sat on the sofa enjoying your drink when Nat came and sat beside you. 
"Come up stairs, I have a surprise for you" she whispered in your ear. You bit your bottom lip as you watched her stand up, getting a great look of the dress she was wearing that hugged her figure perfectly. She reached a hand out for you to take gracefully before she led the two of you back to your shared bedroom. 
Once Nat closed the door behind you, she locked it and made you take a seat on the small sofa. Your eyes were glued to her body, the way her dress rode up her thighs slightly and her tits basically begging to be let free. She straddled your waist, letting your hands land on her hips. "I've wanted to tear this dress off you all night" you spoke as you pulled the bottom of her dress over her arse to see she wasn't wearing any panties. "No panties huh?" You looked up at her. 
Nat kissed you deeply while she worked her arms out of the straps of her dress. "Are you ready for your surprise mommy?" She asked, biting her bottom lip. You nodded, running your tongue over your lips. Natasha slowly pulled down her dress and unclasped her bra and throwing it to the floor. Your eyes were met with the small silver daggers running through her nipples, your mouth watered at the sight. 
"Fuck baby! Is this why you've been avoiding me?" you asked, cupping her tits to get a better look. 
"Mhm, they need weeks to heal, do you like them" the red head replied as she watched the way you groped at her tits. 
"Like them? I fucking love them" you said before attaching your lips to her left nipple. Nat moaned at the unexpected attack on her breast, her nipples still rather sensitive only made her pussy throb as your tongue flicked over her nipple and sucked lightly. 
You released her nipple with a pop before giving her right nipple the same attention. Natasha could barely help herself, the way you bit and tugged on her tits made her rock her hips against your thigh. Rubbing her wet, exposed pussy on your outfit. "F-fuck" she moaned as you released her breast once more. 
"Don't stop mommy, please" Nat begged, rocking back and forth against your thigh. 
"Is my dirty girl needy for me now huh? After weeks of avoiding me, I can feel how soaked your pussy is darling" you replied, gripping her hips and making her stop her actions, "You're not cumming like this" you looked up at her, "keep still and let mommy have some fun" you added before taking her nipple back into your mouth. 
Natasha's moans filled the room, your hands still on her hips to keep her from grinding against you. Her head was thrown back, eyes closed while you twerked, bit and sucked on her nipples even leaving hickies in the valley of her breasts. 
"M-mommy!" Natasha moaned. You could feel just how soaked your girlfriend was, she was beginning to squirm in your hold while her clit throbbed with need to be touched. "I-I'm g'nna cum!" She added with another moan. You released her right nipple from your lips and brought your fingers to both of them. You pulled harshly on them, sending Natasha over the edge as she moaned your name while you rolled her nipples between your fingers. 
Natasha looked at you with red cheeks, "Happy Birthday mommy" she smirked before kissing you deeply once more. You stood up with Nat still wrapped around your waist before you placed her gently on the bed, "I think you can make a bigger mess, don't you?" You smirked before attacking her left nipple once more with your lips.
Tumblr media
Taglist:  @boredandneedfanfics | @music-4ever | @karmasgxrl | @milkeeteaa | @marvelwomen-simp | @swaqcenix | @mostlymarvelsstuff | @scarlettbitchx | @mallyka-blog | @itsalwaysskorpioszn | @angel68104 | @x-natsarrownecklace-x | @caporal-nino | @natashamaximoff-69 | @evilcr0ne | 
If you want to be on the taglist for my work, please click HERE.
979 notes · View notes