#i will not apologize for doing something that helps my mental state

[blaiddydbrokeit]

11.30PM kinposting but please don't mind me, I just needed somewhere to put my thoughts so that I can actually be in a proper frame of mind to take an 8AM national exam tomorrow. I may delete this later on.

I still despise the feeling of being so perpetually strung tight, like I would snap if even one thing struck but a hair beyond the limit. All the little things I once did, whether with intent or by accident. I still feel dreadfully guilty. Yet even so, Garreg Mach has... so many fond memories as well. The extra care that went into maintaining weapons, the scuffs on the leather binding of my journal because I always had it on my person.

Even now, when I detail the means of maintaining a sword to Felix - it's being greeted with a satisfactory response of still knowing the motions and steps. I do remember, when once I'd broken their arm by sheer accident, the way they scowled at the healer when informed that it'd have to be rested for a bit. I did have to do an extra share of maintenance then, given the indisposition, but it was the least I could have done.

I hardly remember the war, though some parts are clearer than others in a way I haven't heart to speak of yet. But I did remember the days that did come after. The way I was helpless at handling my own hair for the coronation, the way Felix was so expertly pulling away the hair tie to fix it in exasperation. I remember looking in the mirror terrified, as if I was expecting to see someone else. As if I was expecting to see the image of Father staring back.

I remember the way my bedchambers of childhood was in the East Wing. Far from the conference, the archives, the library, even Father's office, in the West Wing. Too young to have to know just how deep into the night he worked. How I had to brace myself stepping into it as king, knowing it was mine then. Mine, of all people. A wretch of a king, I used to think. But my dearest friends would always remind me. A wretch of a king is still a king nonetheless. If... if only they could know just how far that reminder has carried me through even in this.... this lifetime, so to say. The little things I do that I want to recreate from those fonder times. The little things I wish I still could say.

Faerghus, how dreadfully I miss you so, evermuch as I miss the classmates who used to be within arm's reach. Where have you all gone, my old friends? Must the Goddess be so cruel, to put us in so many places, so far away, that even the chance to meet again is but a shattered needle in the Tailtean Plains?

[brailsthesmolgurl]

"It's priced reasonably..."

Preview: The boys' reactions to you buying things on impulse/on a discount! (Let's be fair, we all know they are all rich af, but I personally wanna give it a slice of life touch for them <3)

SYLUS

The big man you call your boyfriend stares at you when you stepped in through the front door with multiple bags loaded in your small palms. You had told him earlier on that you were going for window shopping and he was all too kind to give you his card and to ask you to use whenever you seem fit. However, coming over a huge discount on groceries are rare hence you had decided to use it as you 'deem it fit'. Sylus did noticed his phone's notifications going off a couple of times to alert him about transactions made on his card.

Instead of him looking at it, he would just mute the notifications and continue his humming while he seats himself comfortably on the couch and watches the news broadcast. "You had fun shopping, kitten?" He smirked, walking over to you to help you with the bags. "Next time, bring me along. I would like to see how my kitten makes good use of my card." Yet, you apologised for having to use his card when you told him you were supposedly going for window shopping but the man laughed in response, finding your apology to be adorable. "No more apologies kitten for I am not a stingy man."

RAFAYEL

Whilst on a shopping trip with Rafayel, this man would splurge on you. Apparently in this case, he would take up the role of the impulsive buyer rather than you. You eyeing something for more than 3 seconds? Considered it bought. You mentioning about something more than 3 times? Considered it purchased. You imagining something that may look good on him? Considered it a done deal. This man has no fear nor worry of ever going bankrupt as long as you're satisfied.

Staring at the huge lorry outside of his mansion, unloading everything you had mentioned would definitely put you in a state of shocked. Your boyfriend would approach you casually, wrapping his arm around your waist and nuzzling his nose against your neck. You would definitely question him on his purchasing behaviour but he would pout. "Gift giving and impulse buying goes hand in hand, and I do not see the reason why I should not be spoiling my cutie." Seeing you smile, he would continue. "It is just one of the ways I can show you that I love you, so don't hold me back on that, yeah?"

XAVIER

Grocery shopping with Xavier would be like going on a hunt for rare breeds of wanderers. Anything that are on discount would not be missed, especially with both of your sharp eyesights. However, you and Xavier are not known to be impulsive buyers. More like calculative buyers, the both of you seemingly carry a bit of a girl math's mentality. Other than necessities, anything that is supplemental to the house would be assessed for its usability and longevity. It is a perk the both of you would sometimes fight or bond over.

But if the discount is worth the product, then none of you would get it on the spot. You would have your moments where you would get something out of the blue, without running through your usual girl-math calculations, and you would be met with the quirk of an eyebrow from your boyfriend. "I suppose we lack this in our house." He would secretly do the math in his head but would never say anything to intentionally make you feel bad. "Yeah, we can make this work, no worries." Then, he would pull the same stunt as you, showing you something that he had got out of the blue as well.

ZAYNE

You would give Zayne a headache sometimes. Your childlike curiousity for interesting and new items would prompt Zayne to take on the role of a father figure. He might sometimes go as far as to suspect you may have a slight hint of ADHD in your system, but other than a slight migraine, he finds the quirk in you to be specifically unique to you. And, he never complains. Being the gentleman he is, he accepts you for who you are and tries to work his way around you whenever he could manage.

"Do you think you really need that?" He would point at the stuffed toys you are holding in your arms. Your point being all of them are begging you to adopt them with their big googly eyes. "Y/n, you might just have to pick one for adoption." Your slack-jawed expression would make him sigh and pinch the bridge of his nose slightly before he serves you a reminder of the consequences for your behaviour. "You had adopted exactly 36 plushies, and now, only 5 of them are actually adopted on your bed, while the rest of them are abandoned in your closet. So y/n, which one do you plan to ACTUALLY adopt now hmm?"

[yanderemommabean]

Hey Beans-

Hey beans, I have a bit of a hellish update. 

Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. My grandma made a huge fight happen while I was on call with a friend, and things just escalated between me and her so badly I had to leave. When I came back home, my family was also on my ass about it all, despite knowing how she lies and how she instigates. 

She threatened to hit me, she threatened to kill Sammy, she hurled insult after insult at me and this all started because I didn't get up in time to do something she asked (Which was locking the door. I waited three seconds too long and she went off). 

When I came back after trying to let things cool down I was berated and told I had no right to be so “selfish” in the house, so on and so on, and the fight got so intense I had to just physically walk away, leaving the home and going two miles up the road because I did not feel safe. 

They made me so sick I began to pee blood again, as well as my sugar spiking and causing me to have palpitations. My heart cannot take this stress anymore, and neither can my mental health. I wish I could explain how bad the situation was. I had tears down my face, gasping for air, chest heaving and in pain, I felt like I was on the verge of passing out. 

I got in contact with some good friends of mine, who say they can help get me out of not only that home, but the entire state i'm in. But I need money to do so, for travel and gas and so on. As much as they can house me, they need me to pull my weight. 

I hate having to ask for help, I hate that I'm even in this situation, to the point I'm so sick I might have to be seen in the ER or sent to ICU. 

I need to come up with 700 dollars, and I'm willing to do some commissions, but with how sick I am I may take a bit to get back with you. I plan to leave by early June, if not the beginning of July, as that's when my friends are able to drive down and get me. 

Donations are greatly appreciated, even if you can only afford a single dollar, it’ll be more help than you know. 

If you’re wanting a commission, please don't send money and then ask, for your sake and mine. I’m incredibly overwhelmed, and I’ll do my best to get with you and explain rates. 

And if you’re willing to donate anything, here’s my Ko-fi link. 

Again, I can’t thank you enough for if you donate or even spread this post around, even well wishes mean the world to me because I know you beans care and want to help however you can.

This post was incredibly hard to make, I’m still all over the place and trying to figure everything out, so I apologize if this sounds like rambling and nonsense. There is a silver lining however, as I actually have a way out this time, and I pray I can get out before things can get worse.

-Mommabean 

[prodbyton]

one of my many sick deranged ideas that i discussed with my dearest @tsandoll <3

cw. smut +18 mdni, fem!reader, not really any dom/sub dynamics neither of them are really dominant? yn a little bossy tho, oral (f. recieving)

wc. 1.6k (ki writing something under 2k? crazy...)

the last thing on earth that jaehyun would ever want is for you to be uncomfortable, especially because of him. throughout your relationship with him he's been super respectful, never letting his hands linger on you for too long, he tries to stop his eyes from wandering along your body, and he always stops your makeout sessions before they lead to anything more, just to make sure that you two weren't rushing into anything and that you didn't think he was pressuring you.

but one thing he couldn't stop were the thoughts he had about you in the night when he was in bed, all alone with his hand and the thought of you. he was ashamed of it, he was scared that one day you'd somehow find out that he jerked off to the thought of you almost every night and you would call him a sick freak and you'd break up with him. it all started with a wet dream, you were so beautiful taking every inch of his cock while he rutted into you eagerly, squeezing his hand the same way you do in real life that always tugs on his heart strings. he woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and an ache between his thighs.

ever since then he'd been using his thoughts of you to get himself off at night. it was like torture keeping it from you, he felt like a pervert. smiling in your face as if he didn't cum all over his hands hours before at the mental image of the same face. there was no reason why he couldn't just tell you that he was ready to go all the way with you once you felt like you were ready as well, but he was embarrassed about how he felt.

he knew he couldn't keep in his dirty little secret from you any longer, it was eating him inside and he knew that the conversation could go two ways -- you think he's gross and you never want to see him again, or you think its cute and you comfort him before giving him the fuck of his life. so here he was, on his knees at the edge of your bed while you look down at him. he has tears in his eyes as he explains himself and apologizes, trying his best to gauge your reaction through his teary eyes.

"jaehyun, you're literally my boyfriend. did you think i'd really be mad that you're attracted to me? i'm more upset that you didn't tell me sooner, i could have helped you out." you lean forward and cup his cheeks, making him make eye contact with you while you assure him that everything was fine. he's not sure if you're able to tell, but your words go straight to his dick. he has to bite his lip to make sure this isn't another one of his dreams.

"y-you're not mad?" he whispers and you want to laugh at his sensitive state. but you hold it in and you smile at him, shaking your head so he knows that you really aren't mad at him.

"i'm flattered, actually. can you... can you show me what you do when you think about me?" you try your best to sound confident in your words but your voice shakes a little bit, a little too excited over jaehyuns little emotional moment. something about him on his knees in front of you on the edge of crying had you thinking about all the other things you could possibly make him cry for.

he's quick to nod at your words and take his clothes off. he takes off his shirt and jeans, he stays on his knees on the ground while he starts palming himself through his boxers. his eyes start to flutter shut and you watch in amusement as he gets himself worked up.

you can see the precum that leaks out of his cock and stains his boxers, you want to tell jaehyun to just take his cock out so you can see but you remember you told him to show you what he usually does. almost like he could read your mind, he pushes his boxers just enough for his cock to slip out, his hands instantly making contact with it and he bites back a moan. its so pretty, the perfect length and its thick, tip a pretty deep red with his precum making it glossy in his hand. you want to tell him to get on the bed so you can just suck him off but you hold out.

"tell me what you think about, baby" you were so hot to him like this, and he's whining and squeezing his cock tight trying to gather his thoughts as much as possible.

 he looks in your eyes and feels like he could cum right now.you just smile at him, face unreadable of any real emotions. you bring a hand back to his cheek, grazing the skin with your thumb as you watch him struggle to speak.

“i- fuck– i think about you…” you hum as encouragement for him to go on. with the eye contact you force him to make with you, it was hard for him to think. even if you were telling him to continue he felt embarrassed telling you about his fantasies. “think about your face, your body– love your body so much baby, i think about touching you, how good you’d feel squeezing me, i think about how you smell good, you always smell sso good” he leans forward and dips his head to rest on your leg, face still resting in your hand as he takes in a breath of the skin of your bare legs. you almost think he whimpers after sniffing you, and you want to laugh at him for his desperation, but he’s already felt vulnerable enough today. 

you shift so you can spread your legs open for jaehyun, your thighs sticking together from the heat of your room before you. his head falls between your legs when you do this and he’s face to face with the cloth barrier that hides your pussy from him. he can feel the heat that radiates from you in this spot, and he takes another deep breath to get that scent he’s so badly craved to take in. something about you having a long day and sitting in your worn in panties that were probably now soaked through turned jaehyun on to no end. and you were wearing shorts, they were probably so tight against you and got to rub against you all day. he had to admit he was a bit jealous that your clothes get to be on you at all times. he was definitely going to ask you for a pair of your panties when you two were finished.

“can i eat you out? wanna taste you so bad, please let me taste you baby” 

“go ahead”

jaehyuns orgasm was long forgotten the moment you gave him the green light. he quickly rid you of your top and your bottoms, leaving you in just your bra and panties as he trailed wet kisses up your thighs. he was so pretty like this, drunk on you without having a taste yet.you whine whenever he nibbles on the soft skin of your thighs, pushing your hips up a bit to urge him to hurry up. he got the memo quickly, looking up at you for approval as he got closer to wear you needed him the most. he pushed you further on the bed, that way you could lay down comfortably and jaehyun could ease the burn in his knees from being on the ground for too long. 

pushing your panties to the side, he dove straight into kissing and licking at your clit. you were embarrassingly wet, but you were too turned on to care. it was hard to focus when jaehyun ate you out like it was his last meal. your hands were in his hair as you tried to keep your moans down. you could see the way he was grinding onto your mattress, it made you clench around nothing thinking about how he was making you feel so good while chasing his own pleasure. you grind your hips into his face and he moans into your cunt, you feel it everywhere.

his fingers that were wrapped around your legs move to press against your entrance, he easily slips two fingers inside while he keeps his lips wrapped around your sensitive clit. the way his fingers press against your walls so nicely, and they’re so long, you know you won't be able to hold out much longer before your orgasm comes. 

“j-jaehyun, m’gonna cum-'' you weren't sure that your words were even coherent, but jaehyun heard you loud and clear. he moved his fingers faster inside of you, desperate to feel you cum around him. 

“yes, cum for me, wanna make you feel good”

soon after that you feel that wave of pleasure crash through you and you bite back a scream. the way the orgasm took over all of your senses was overwhelming, jaehyun having you nearly black out just from giving you head. the way your hips eagerly rode out your high on his face triggered his own orgasm, hips pressing deep onto your mattress as his cum pools on your sheets. when he feels your hand push at his head to get him off you he pulls his lips from your dripping cunt, resting his head on your thigh as you two catch your breaths. 

after some hours of cuddling, you two were back at it, trying out every little fantasy jaehyun had thought about in all of his wet dreams.

a/n: first bnd fic!! hope you guys enjoyed it ^_^

[flcwermimi]

❛ THE ICEBERG EFFECT IN THE VOID STATE ❜

Even after doing right things / following the right method / being persistant towards our desires sometimes we don't get the fruitful outcome and we all have asked ourselves WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?

According to the research our conscious mind which is aware of our feelings, thoughts and behaviour is like a tip of an ICEBERG visible above the water & on the other hand majority of the iceberg, representing the unconscious mind, lies hidden beneath the surface.The unconscious mind is thought to contain instincts, repressed memories, and other mental processes that we are not directly aware of, but which still influence our behavior and decision-making.

Hand to Hand same happens on our Void/Manifestation journey. The ICEBERG in the void state are :

— SUPPRESSED EMOTIONS - Not being able to confess what u actually feel & often ignoring the emotions overcome this by doing some action regarding when u actually feel happy or angry CONFESS IT ' I am happy/ angry '

— UNRESOLVED PAST TRAUMA/ ISSUE - Even u feel it doesn't effect at all but it does unconsciously the burden of UNRESOLVED THINGS or UNADRESSES ISSUE can lead to several mental issue and to overcome it once must overlook yourself, apologize if u are wrong,get help, share their feelings with someone

— SCARED OF THEIR DESIRE - Often someone DM 's me saying that they're scared of having their desire which is completely normal and I feel to restrict this feeling from their self once should just appreciate their self , hangout with good energy people and decrease their screen time

— SOMETHING HOLDING BACK : From my recent post I got many DM regarding how they feel what is holding them back and it's important to have knowledge on the rights things misinformation sometimes stick to ourselves very deeply

— SELF DOUBT : Many people doubts them regarding the how powerful they're, they often find validation to have their desire so it's very important to work on self-concepts and stop questioning " is it possible" or " can I have this or that?"

— NOT STICKING TO ONE THING : One individual when they're trying to enter void often keeps changing methods or finding something which can magically help them and it often leads them finding hard to believe in any methods. Even if u fail at one method at 3 - 4 times doesn't mean it's not effective it's all about mindsets u must stick to one thing and stop looking sources like ' enter the void instantly/ do this method to happen in second ' because u are not realising how powerful u are actually u don't need those things everything is on your command

— COMPLICATING THINGS : As I seen so many of people making a bunch of routine it irritates me cause They are listening subliminals also and on the side they are even doing robotic affirmation and also five minutes they are doing PSYCH -K and next they are also doing mediation and on the night they will put long bunch hypnosis and in the same night they are doing WBTB method trust me you don't need so much things u doing these all things result that u are putting the void on the pedestal Just question yourself this all is needed?doing so much u are exhausting yourself physically and mentally

— TIME : For those who really starts to panic when they don't enter void on the specific time it's ok time hasn't been wasted nothing is wrong when u didn't enter the void on your specific time the only thing u will be doing wrong in that time is making diffrent theories, underestimating yourself, finding different methods, saying yourself a failure

So these we're some things I wanted to list from the very starting I hope u all read it all through find what is actually stopping you and there is no guarantee this thing happens to each and everyone I have listed it down by over analysing the success stories, my experience

Further what u can do is listen to self concept subliminals, building confidence, don't overwork on your selves, stop finding validation and logic in everything , surrounding yourself with postive beliefs , patience is virtue so keep persisting , do something new daily as if meditate or write a journal or share your thoughts with others learn new skills

That's it all no iceberg effect is bigger than you so stop doubting yourself you can do this it's all easy peasy 🤍🫶

[silkythewriter]

Hello! Can I request alastor x reader where the two were married while they were alive, but reader died via illness or something and went to hell (though they never partaked in the cannibalism) and the reunite in hell?

“I'll love you 'til I'm dead”

Warning!: Angst, but eventually fluff! A bit of OOC since I haven’t written in awhile.. (.,.)💧

Fandom!: Hazbin hotel!

Author note: LONGGGGG TIME NO SEE, HIYA! IM SO SORRY FOR MY HIATUS OF SORTS BUT I FELT LIKE WRITING SUM SMALL ♡´･ᴗ･`♡ I apologize!, I hope you guys enjoy and I’m so sorry for disagreeing yet again!.

Summary!: Spouse! Reader dying via sickness, but reuniting with alastor in hell.

ꕥ☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼ꕥ

Louise (Louise)

I'll love you 'til I'm dead

Louise (Louise)

Not even if she likes the way you dance

ꕥ☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼ꕥ

First of all, he cherished you to the fullest content. As stuck up as he seems to be smile and all, he was in desperate need of support and attention. And you supplying both of those was all he needed even if he didn’t say out loud the tender touches and moments you both shared alone was enough to tell you everything.

Your relationship was nothing less then sweet and tender, and depending if you knew of his..ahem..little side hobby, it was innocent as well!

He cared for you so deeply, so desperately, to the point where you became his tie to humanity. Of course he knew how to play a role of a sane man, but even then he needed you to tie him to the small humanity and sanity he had.

Although not a big fan of physical affection himself he would in private of course, indulge in your soft touches, and hold. He and there he may quietly slip next to you just so you could softly run you fingers across his skin.

But of course the unviable happen, as the world ripped him of what he held so dear. Maybe as a punishment for his sins and misdeeds, or simply because it could.

Of course in the 30’s medicine was far from advanced, not only that but expensive. So when the news arrived of your newly found sickness all he could do was smile and nod at the doctor as if he wasn’t receiving the most dreadful news.

At first, he genuinely did hope for a recovery, he believed you would get better. Sure a tiny voice in his head was feeding him scary thoughts, and his gut twisted and turned. He felt something was off but surely it was nothing!, right?.

But as your health deteriorated so did his mental state and sanity, even worse then it once was. He put up a front though, for your sake and his, comforting you and saying how you’ll be fine soon, and recover then both of you could go off and do something you always wanted to do.

At some points of repeating this it really turned into him assuring himself. That your not leaving him, no, not anytime soon.

The more you fell ill the more you watched him spiral infront of you. And all you really could do was stare at him with sadden eyes as you gave comforting touches against his cheek or holding him close, even if you could barely pull yourself up from the bed you laid.

You felt your time coming close to ending, and somehow so did he. But unlike you he denied it to the fullest extent.

“Please dear don’t speak of such things, don’t worry yourself. You’ll be fine you’ll see!, now just rest my dear”

He wanted to believe it’ll pass over anytime now, ignoring the doctors he spent fortunes on. And sometimes he does blame them even if they just told the truth. He hated how they couldn’t help you, how he couldn’t help you.

So the day of you passing was the day he lost his final tie to humanity. If not for you, why give such a nasty world mercy?.

ꕥ☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼ꕥ

The minute they lowered your casket and buried you with the dirt is also the day he decided to amp up his murders.

He’s not sloppy with his murders their always calculated and tidy but grossem. Even with this, losing you he couldn’t concentrate which didn’t help his case as his blood lust grew and grew.

Each and every murder his mind went blank, thoughts of you kept flooding in that he desperately wanted to rip from his mind.

If a woman that wore you same fragrant passed him. She would be gone in a matter of days.

Nights were colder, harsher, he always assumed karma would catch up to him, but to him not you.

He often questioned what happened how did it happen. How did you even get such a illness?, and why did it have to be you?. We’re you in heaven watching him in his pitiful state? Was there even such a thing?. If there was…he surely wasn’t going to see you he knew where he was damned to go, but you?, he was sure you deserved the Pearl-ist set of wings.

Depending on the days, months or years following your death, he’s like a ticking time bomb.

He yearns for you in such a way he’s humiliated at it in a way. He misses you desperately, widowed too soon, he always assumed it would be you to be in this position, but he assumed wrong.

Even then he couldn’t tell if he could subject you to the twist of his heart and guts. He would beg to die before you, but the pain he feels now is something he would never want you to feel.

Following thoughts of your death was also his. Would he get to see you soon?, one last glance before being damned?.

He never truly moved on, cause you were his only love. Loving someone for him atleast, was rare in a romantic sense.

At some point he genuinely does just continue his murders till his death, maybe it was your passing that truly killed him. After your passing he was a bit hasty, maybe that’s what lead him to be shot in the woods. But who truly knows?

ꕥ☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼ꕥ

Now, after his death is where everything truly came together.

His rise to power was fairly quick killing overloads one by one gaining more voices on his radio.

But the lingering feeling of hope stayed in him…maybe you were here? Waiting for him?, But at the same time he hated this life for you, in such a miserable and disgusting yet admittedly amusing place(at least to him)

Now depending on how you found him maybe the minute his radio debuted. Or maybe by a game of telephone by the residents in hell whispering rumors and describing someone all to familiar to you.

Either way! You guys do eventually find each other. By chance or destiny is up to you

The minute he spots you, hears you, even senses you, he freezes. His smile never flattering but static surrounding the area as he processes what’s happening. Is this some sort of trick?, how..how did you end up here?

In a matter a seconds though he’s in front of you, looming as his shadow grows in suspense.

He holds his appearance and self image very important but in this tiny moment of silence. He lets it slip even if just a bit, smile never faltering but I’m his eyes a glimpse of renewed joy. Genuine joy, not form the harms of others but from something warm…something bitter sweet.

Maybe it’s you who pipes up snapping him from observing you like a painting in a museum.

“See?” You said softly grabbing his hand gently like you used to do, as you softly brought it to your face and softly planted it on your cheek. “I’m real” you said with a soft smile (SILENT HILL REFERENCE!!¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Depending on where you are he’s quick to whisk you away to somewhere secluded.

Despite the questions on his mind all he can do is silently stare at you taking in ever detail, even if some changes here and there, you were still you. The you that he missed so desperately for all too long.

Even if not one for physical affection he’s quick with holding you, scared of you being taken from him again, taking in all he can.

Your so much more precious then he leads on, and he’ll be damned to second hell if he loses you again.

In the period of first meeting you again he is keen on keeping an eye one you 24/7, doesn’t matter what powers or how long you survived without him in hell. He can’t risk it, especially not now as he started accumulating enemies so quickly.

He’ll treat you like it’s your first time dating, of course in his old time-y way, but either surprising you with flowers at random times of the day, or watching you get giddy when he kisses the crown of your head.

Now that he knows, and felt the pain of losing you, every moment you have together form than on is cherished more than before. He remembers every day with you like the back of his hand, what you ate, what you said, what you wore, and more!

He know’s…he knows he’s a messed up, and vail man. He understands the gruesome things he’s done with little to no regret. But if he did in somehow and some way do good, something good to earn you back in his afterlife man is he greatful for it.

Some nights he does just stare at you. He’s scared, he will never show it but he is. If he loses you again, for eternity, he’s not sure what’d he do with himself. And that, the fact you weight so heavily on him is the second scariest thing, first being losing you.

Over all, he’s taken aback having you back, but he gets use to it very quickly, your soft comforting touches and your voice that brings back a flood of memories is something he will never forget nor let ago, he isn’t losing you this time, and he’ll do anything to make sure of that.

ꕥ☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼ꕥ

WOW THAT WAS LONG, I LOVED WRITING IT THOUGH OH MY GOSH I LOVED THIS IDEA, PLEASE REQUEST AGAIN!!! \(^ヮ^)/

[hotpinkstars]

HIIII I JUST READ YOUR BOOTHILL IDEA ABOUT PREGNANCY AND I AM WELL FED 😭 i love how angsty it is. oh boy i'm sure struggles a lot during his s/o's pregnancy. like...it has lots of cry and self-conflict because he may thinking that he isn't helping his s/o. there gonna be small arguments and misunderstandings. it's hard for the both of them and the baby. 🥹

ohhhh yes. yup. decided to take a real angsty route with this one. I added some mentions of his actual backstory here, bc my og one was written before his backstory was released lols

Boothill definitely cries during your whole entire pregnancy. He also has a lot of bad thoughts about himself during it, too. 

At first, he tries to hide it, and either subtly cry, or just simply wait until you’re no longer in the room or the house. He doesn’t want you to know that he’s not happy because of the state he’s in. 

He used to be human, he used to be flesh, and most importantly, he once had a daughter of his own, and that's what crushes him the most. He fears so much that he’s almost going to replace her, even though he knows deep down in his heart that it most definitely wouldn’t be able to happen. 

He also feels so bad about not being able to do normal human things for your during your pregnancy :(((( he knows how much you want to be able to be soft and intimate, to take baths and be able to have a cozy massage and just a cozy person around in general, and he’s the exact opposite of that. He doesn’t even think he deserves the husband title anymore.

He literally once asked you why you’re still with him and not someone else. You explained that you loved him and you wanted to be with him, and even then he never really expressed the way he felt about himself to you but you could sort of see it in his eyes. He didn’t like the way he was and the fact that he can’t be what he refers to as a “proper dad” to his kid. 

He knows it’s hard on you, too, and he also knows that you’re catching onto his harsh thoughts, and you’re catching on fast. It caused an argument a few times, on how you’re hurt that he’s not expressing his emotions, he doesn’t want to, it turns into a “do you not trust me or something?” conflict on your end, and a “I just don’t know what to say without hurting you” conflict on his end. Misunderstanding that likely won’t just dissipate. 

There was one argument that you both had when you were nearing pretty close to your due date, and he decided he was going to walk out midway through and not come back for about a week. For some reason, he chose a petty route, leaving you anxious and super betrayed, considering he refused to answer his phone, too.

The argument was over something that seemed incredibly stupid, if you both must say so yourselves. He was, once again, insecure, and he wouldn’t tell you why. That was what bothered you- did he not trust you enough? Did he seriously not want to be a part of this baby's life? Why else would he just walk out?

To say it made you super anxious, scared, and lonely was an understatement. You were left with the thought that you’d have to give birth alone, and go back to your original game plan that you already mentally set up. You thought he genuinely left you.

That was, until he walked back into the house on a random afternoon that next week. He ran up to you and apologized, allowing you to cry it out in his steel arms. He felt so horrible, and he vowed to you to never, ever do that again.

He tries to start letting you in on his troubles from that point on, but there still seems to him like there's a barrier blocking his words from coming out. Sometimes, he just blames it on his synesthesia beacon, which seems to work for now. 

He also lets you see him cry more often, but that stops when you give birth. He doesn’t need you to be more overwhelmed than you already will end up being.

[seireitonin]

Dating Toby?? Like is he clingy, jealous or protective of his partner??

(I don't know....this is my first time doing these things.....)

Toby brain rot :3 this is how I see Toby mixed with some canon information! (I’m gonna try to keep it realistic)

What would it be like dating Toby?

Toby’s life is filled with tragedy

Abuse, death, murder, mental illnesses, being a slave to Slenderman

It’s all bad

So when he finds you, someone that accepts him and loves him despite all that, he’s not letting you go

He’ll do anything for you

I mean to the point it’s unhealthy

Because hes obsessed with you

Like really obsessed with you

He’s super touchy, not only because he likes to feel close to you, but it keeps him grounded

That’s important to him because his disorders/ mental illnesses cause him to hallucinate or space out

He’s not gloomy he’s actually upbeat but when he remembers something from his past or the current state of his life he goes through episodes of depression and mood swings

They can get really intense and as you’re with him you’ll learn how to support him through it

Just laying with him, making sure he has water and reminding him you’re here for him will help lots and lots of physical affection

If his mood swings get violent he’ll isolate himself from you but it’s heartbreaking to hear his suffering

His swings can go from extreme anger to intense sadness to reckless happiness

Since he hasn’t had much kindness or interaction in his life he doesn’t have the best social skills

He’ll say whatever is on his mind with no filter and that includes you too

So he’ll say mean things unintentionally a lot because he doesn’t understand how what he says can be hurtful

And he might try to call you sensitive for it too

“Ugh you’re overreacting I didn’t even say anything that hurtful. It’s just what’s on my mind”

He literally doesn’t understand how it can make you feel because he’s a bit detached with emotions

It’s gonna take a while for him to understand but he loves you so he’ll try to understand for your sake and will work on apologizing

He can also just be rude or a jerk sometimes in general

Toby likes just spending time with you to the point where you’re connected at the hip

He won’t say he loves you with words but he says it with his actions

He brings you gifts, holds your hand, goes on walks with you, holds you and try’s to be better for you (even though it’s really hard because he’s set in his ways)

He talks a lot so sometimes you’ll just listen and smile

Since he can’t feel pain, when he gets back from missions you’ll have to help him check for injuries to make sure he’s okay

He doesn’t say it but he appreciates it

Sometimes he’ll just stare at you because he loves you so much, taking in your every detail

He notices everything about you, from your body language, how you tan in the summer and lighten in the winter, he even knows how many times you breathe in a minute

Toby eats a lot of instant ramen so be prepared to eat a lot of that at first but you start to cook for him because he needs to eat better

Toby never expected to have a girlfriend since he’s a lot to handle but he liked the way you handle him

He’s full of himself literally thinks he’s gods gift to earth so sometimes he puts himself before your relationship but he’s trying to change that

He’s really funny especially if you like dark humor

He’s a jealous man. You’re his no one else’s

If someone even looks at you romantically he’ll go crazy on them

Remember, Toby is still a murderer and enjoys murdering

Chasing them down and threatening them and if it escalated kill them with a smile

He does it all for you. Everything is for you.

“You know I love you, right?”

He looks at you covered in blood

Toby likes it when you wear his sweaters

He wants a family one day and hopes you can give that to him

He’s possessive over you but does it out of intense love and obsession

He wants to keep you safe by any means necessary because he’s so used to losing the people he loves and he really doesn’t wanna lose you

Toby drives a pickup truck and likes to drive you around in it

He likes to sit in the back of it with you and look at the stars in an open field

Since Toby’s older his tics have calmed down but they’re still there and he still has the occasional tic attack

You’ll have to help him through those because sometimes he can’t even talk when he’s having one

Stuff he can squeeze, ice pack on his forehead and making sure he doesn’t hurt himself

He’s happy you don’t see him as a burden like everyone else did

He’s never letting you go

He didn’t know he could feel love this intense

[bbyleiah]

ALL YOURS

| Part 3 to smoke-you-out & breakfast. Connie catches the reader and eren in the act, things unfold and then eren and the reader are left to decide to continue things or consider it a mistake and move on.. |

cw: black fem shy sub!reader, dom!eren, cheating, degrading, slut shaming, smoking, smut, lots of kissing, oral sex (m! receiving), unprotected sex, missionary position, prone bone position, fingering, praise, lots of pet names, breath play, choking, fluids, masochism, scratching, crying, whining, lots of dirty talk, creampie, spit, pwp, etc.

word count : longer than I expected 😭

sn : I know this is LONG overdue my loves and I apologize 🥹 I hope it’ll be worth the wait though and that I live up to y’all’s expectations with this part <3 I tried my best to finish it off strong ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

“Yo ren, open up! it’s me, con!” Connie called out as he knocked on the door, the sounds of his fisted hand pounding against the hard surface enveloping your eardrums and coinciding with the current pounding of your heart. You felt like your whole world was crashing down as your mind and body just short circuited to a pause; lost on what to do about the detrimental situation at hand.

Eren’s eyes widened just slightly when he heard Connie’s voice outside his door, now understanding your current panicked state. “H-He’s gonna kill me..” you muttered shakily. “I lied to him ‘ren! oh my god! He’s gonna find out how terrible I am!” You rambled as tears began to flow down your cheeks; your hands trembling and your nerves growing worse the more the knocking continued.

“shh, shh. calm down sweetheart. It’s okay. It’s all my fault, alright?. don’t you dare beat yourself up about this.” Eren comforted you as he held you close and wiped your tears. “Do you want to let him find out now? or do you want to prolong the inevitable?” He asked you softly and seriously as he looked into your eyes. You didn’t know how to answer him. You knew it was best to just rip the band-aid off and let Connie find out now.

But, you were so terrified of his reaction that you didn’t want to face the reality of the situation. Suddenly everything you did with Eren didn’t seem worth it at all. Even if it did feel really great while it lasted. “L-Let’s just get it over with..it’s for the best.” You sniffed as you tried to breathe and mentally prepare yourself somewhat for this confrontation. “I’m gonna be right there with you the whole time, okay?. Just follow my lead. I won’t let him hurt you, ever.” Eren reassured as he gently stroked your cheeks with his thumbs.

You appreciated his comfort and reassurance because you definitely needed it at the moment and it was helping you calm down. Eren leaned in to kiss you but you turned your head away. “Not right now..please.” You muttered as you looked down at his shiny wooden floors. He sighed, “no problem.” He uttered as he pulled away. He was disappointed but he understood why you pulled away.

He then went to go open the door and welcome in the dreaded guest. “What the fuck took you so long ‘ren? had me out there knocking for damn near thirty minutes.” Connie immediately complained — irritated. Him already being in a bad mood was the cherry on top of a fucked up pie. “My bad. Had to take care of something.” You heard Eren respond. You were still hidden in Eren’s bedroom, eavesdropping by the door.

“Got your dick wet last night or somethin?” Connie questioned him. “Something like that.” Eren muttered. “Lucky you. I couldn’t find my bitch anywhere after she scurried off with you. Honestly she gives me a damn headache sometimes.” Connie expressed with a sigh. Eren’s jaw ticked in annoyance at the way Connie spoke about you. It wasn’t out of the normal for him to speak of you so degradingly and it always bothered Eren, but today it particularly struck a nerve.

Meanwhile, you were in disbelief at Connie’s choice of words. A sob catching in your throat as you felt your heart breaking in half. You always knew Connie didn’t care for you as much as you believed a boyfriend should, but this was beyond a lack of care. It was just complete disrespect. “Actually, I was meaning to tell you something about ‘your girl’” Eren announced with an edge creeping into his tone.

You had a bad feeling about this conversation now. “Oh? What is it?” Connie inquired as he perked up. “I fucked her last night. I fucked her twice actually. Made her feel real good so she’d stop crying over your dumbass.” the silence after Eren’s admission was deafening. You felt like you were holding your breath as you awaited Connie’s reaction.

“You’re fuckin’ with me, right?” Connie replied, deadpanned as he looked into Eren’s eyes. “Nah. I don’t need to lie about who I fucked.” Eren shrugged. You suddenly grew the courage to reveal yourself. You felt that Connie needed to see the actual physical proof. “Con’…I’m so sorry…” you told him genuinely as tears filled your eyes again. He stared at you in disbelief; taking in your disheveled state with Eren’s marks all over you.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I knew that whole innocent act was bullshit. Just a fucking whore like the rest of them.” He snapped at you in disgust. “I knew she was a whore, but you’re supposed to be like my brother? you really fucked me over for some pussy?” He turned to Eren. “She ain’t even all that.” He scoffed as he shook his head; still trying to process the newfound situation in front of him.

“And you fucking lied to me. Stupid bitch. I should’ve known that ‘family emergency’ shit was fake.” He turned back to you; his words harsh as he grew angrier with the situation. “Watch your fucking mouth when talking to her.” Eren defended you. You appreciated it, but also you couldn’t help but to let Connie’s words get to you. Feeling like everything he was saying about you was true. “Oh so now you’re her savior or somethin’?. You got a little piece of pussy and now you think you own her or somethin’?” Connie let out a bitter laugh.

“I still fucked her plenty of times before you did. All you did was get my sloppy seconds. So don’t act all high and mighty over some used up pussy.” the more he spoke the more uncomfortable you felt. You felt disgusted with yourself at how he described you like you were some kind of object. “Honestly, you can have her. I been tryin’ to get rid of her anyways.” He continued as he roughly grabbed your arm and shoved you towards Eren. Eren caught you before you could fall, asking you if you were okay.

You sniffled and nodded in response. “She isn’t a whore and you know that. You never deserved her and so I rightfully took what should’ve been mine in the first place. I don’t give a shit about the whole being your ‘brother’ thing either. You’ve always been an asshole and I’m sick of listening to you act like a little bitch.” Eren’s words were a shock to you and clearly they also caught Connie off guard as well.

“a little bitch? oh you got me fucked up-“ Connie started but Eren cut him off. “Nah, shut the fuck up. I’m talking now.” He was angry now and you suddenly felt very out of place in between these two men who seemed seconds away from fist fighting. “You always bitch about the same shit. You’re like a damn child. I’ve been tired of your ass. You only care about yourself and treat everyone like shit.”

“You’re a sad excuse for a man. Honestly taking your girl was easy. Should’ve fucked her sooner. Showed her what a real man feels like” Eren was taunting him now and it was working. You were quick to move out of the way when Connie came charging towards him to punch him in the face. You cringed at the sound of the impact. This whole situation seemed way above you now, and out of your hands as you watched in shock as the two of them fought.

You didn’t want them hurting each other, but part of you was satisfied to see that Eren was winning the fight even though it was a close match up. You gasped once seeing blood and that’s when you jumped in to stop the fight. “Stop!” You shouted. “‘rennie stop!” You grabbed Eren’s arm before he could throw another punch. Connie stared at you in disbelief. “‘rennie’? what the fuck?. since when-..you know what I’m done with this shit. Fuck both of y’all.” He grumbled as he wiped his bloody nose with his hand.

He stormed out of Eren’s penthouse and you jumped slightly at the sound of the front door slamming behind him. “Are you okay?” Eren asked you softly as he turned his attention on you. “Yeah..I’m alright. Are you okay?” You returned the question, frowning as you observed his busted lip and slightly bruised up face. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. That’s not the first time me and Connie have fought.” He said honestly. “Plus I like pain, remember?” He attempted to lighten the mood, winking at you.

It did bring a small smile to your face, but you still felt terrible about everything that happened. “I should probably go too..” you uttered softly as you looked away from him. He was the one frowning now. “Why?. You can stay here. I don’t mind. I can take care of you.” He hummed as he gently grabbed your face to bring your eyes back to his. You chewed on your bottom lip, “I know but..I think it’s best if we had some space. I need time to figure all of this out.” You told him honestly. You were nervous as you waited for his response.

“Oh..that’s fine. I understand. You’ll contact me if you need me though, right?” He didn’t want the two of you to be apart, but he knew that this was all sudden for you and that you were technically going through a breakup. He was going to give you all the space you needed and hope that you’d come back to him eventually. You nodded, “I’ll stay in touch.” You reassured him prior to pulling away to gather your things.

Eren silently watched you as you prepared to leave. He wanted to ask you if you’d at least let him kiss you again before you left, but he figured it was best to just leave it be. “Thank you for everything.” You told him softly and gave him a small quick hug. You didn’t look up at him once; afraid to see that disappointed look in his eyes. You left without turning back.

The ‘space’ you asked for ended up lasting over a month. You didn’t keep much contact with Eren either. You felt bad because he’d always send a text to check up on you every week but you barely responded to him. You just wanted time to focus on yourself for a while and not a man. Connie was enough to deal with, and you didn’t know if you were ready to hop into another situation with another guy. Even if Eren was really sweet.

During your time to yourself, you couldn’t help but to do a little stalking on Connie. It didn’t surprise you to see that he quickly moved on in less than a week with another girl. It hurt to see further confirmation of how little you meant to him though. You didn’t dwell too much on your breakup with him though. It honestly felt like a weight lifted off of you. You realized that you fell out of love with him long before the situation with Eren.

You missed Eren but you tried not to think about him. Unable to escape the guilt still eating away at you. You also didn’t want Eren to feel as if he was just a rebound for you. If things ever did get serious with him, you wanted it to be done properly. You didn’t think you’d see him again anytime soon, but apparently fate had other plans.

You rushed to clock in to your part time shift at the diner you currently worked at. “Oh thank god!. I was wondering when you were going to get here. There’s a few stragglers left but closing shouldn’t be too hard for you.” Your coworker said to you as she clocked out so you could take her place. You two bid goodnight to each other and you tied on your apron and got to work.

You hadn’t paid much attention to the customers so you were unaware of who had spotted you. “Yo, ain’t that Connie’s girl?” a voice questioned from one of the tables near the back. Eren was high currently but he perked up at that; focusing his eyes through the haze and looking around to find you cleaning tables. “Fuck up, Ony. Her and Connie broke up.” Eren grumbled, his attention solely focused on you now.

He felt like he was almost imagining you since he hadn’t seen you in so long. “Little one!” He called out. You felt your heart stutter hearing that nickname and that voice that only belonged to one person. The man who hasn’t left your mind since the day you walked out of his place. You turned to see him already staring at you. “It really is you..” Eren muttered to himself. “Why haven’t you called or texted me back?” He was talking so loudly that the other customers were starting to stare.

You scurried over to his table to hush him. “Shh, quiet down. You’re causing a scene..” you told him; embarrassed as you blushed. You then noticed he was sitting with someone you’d never met before. “What’s good, I’m Ony.” He greeted you with a head nod and a smile. “Nice to meet you ony.” You replied politely. You then focused your attention back on Eren when he grabbed your hand. “You didn’t answer me. Why did you go ghost on me?. You told me that we’d stay in contact with each other.”

“I..I didn’t mean to. Just had a lot on my mind still..” you knew it was a sad excuse, but you didn’t know how to answer him. “You could’ve told me that instead of just ignoring me.” He had a point. You could’ve just told him that but you felt it was best to stop contacting him. You figured he’d eventually forget about you. Apparently you were wrong. “I know I could’ve..but you know…the situation just got out of hand..” you muttered and chewed on your lip as you tried to find the right words.

He sighed and pulled you into his lap, making your eyes widen in shock. “I missed you though. A lot.” He murmured as he held you close, burying his face in your neck. “‘ren..I’m supposed be working right now..” you tried to remind him. You even tried to glance at his friend Ony in search of help to get Eren off you, but he only smirked and sat quietly — watching things unfold between you two.

“I know but just let me have this moment.” He hummed as he held you tighter. You sighed but you honestly didn’t have much complaints. It felt nice to be in Eren’s arms again. You couldn’t resist the natural urge to wrap your arms around his neck and gently play with his hair. He pulled back slightly to look at you, “Did you miss me too?” He asked you with a small pout. It was then that you noticed how faded he was — with his low very red eyes staring up at you.

“‘ren you’re high..you don’t know what you’re talking about..” you tried to avoid the question. “I do know what I’m saying. I’m still thinking straight.” He clarified. “Did you miss me as much as I missed you?” He repeated softly as his nose brushed against yours. Both of your breaths mingling together due to how close his face was to yours. Your breathing was starting to turn shallow now, getting lost in moment with Eren.

“You’re giving me that look.” He pointed out with a smug grin. “You know what that look does to me..” he muttered as he brushed his lips against yours and adjusted his hands to grip your thighs. You moved to go in for the kiss but he pulled away completely, chuckling once seeing the frown on your face. “Tell me you missed me and then I’ll give you a kiss.” the ultimatum caught you off guard.

“That’s not fair!” You huffed as you grew shy and embarrassed again. “Seems fair to me.” He shrugged with a small laugh. “You know you missed me. You just have to say it sweetheart. Be good and use your words for me, hm?” He always knew exactly what to say and how to say it to turn your brain into mush. “Fine..I missed you too..” you admitted without much of a fight as you looked away from him in embarrassment. “Good girl.” He grinned.

He then leaned back in to kiss you. You really felt how much you missed him now. You instantly relaxed and let out a contented sigh against his lips as the two of you kissed. The kiss started off slow and sweet but it gradually grew more intense and messy. Eren pushed his tongue into your mouth; his hands moving to grip your ass as he kissed you deeply. His tongue tangled messily with yours as the sound of spit swapping grew more apparent in the small booth.

A throat clearing and a hand slamming down hard against the table made you jump away from Eren — breaking the kiss. “Ight bro, if you’re gonna fuck her please don’t do it in front of me.” Ony commented bluntly and you gasped and instantly climbed off of Eren. You were completely embarrassed now. “Sorry! We were not going to do..that..by the way..” you awkwardly rambled to Ony, trying to ease the situation but only making it worse.

Eren was highly amused; cackling behind his palm as he watched you animatedly and shyly try to explain the obvious situation to Ony. “Stop laughing!” You whined as you swatted Eren on his buff arm multiple times. It was honestly an adorable sight from Ony’s perspective. “You two are cute. Must be nice.” He complimented and your eyes widened. “Mhm, it is. This is my girl.” Eren replied smoothly with a toothy grin as he wrapped an arm around your waist possessively.

You were just at a loss for words now. These two were going to send you into a heart attack. “I-I need to get back to work..” you reminded, using it as your escape from Eren and his intimidating friend. “I’ll wait for you until your shift is over.” Eren stated as he let you go. “Oh you don’t have to-“ “I’m not leaving here without you. So yes, I am going to wait until your shift is over and we’re going to go home together. Okay?”

The tone of voice he used and the way he stared at you left no room for objections. “Okay..” you settled. “Good girl. Now go get back to work.” He shooed you off gently. There wasn’t many customers during the night shift so you mostly lingered around rather than doing much other than cleaning up and preparing for those who worked the morning shift. You kept an eye on Eren, unable to stop yourself from watching him.

He caught your stare sometimes, making you instantly look away due to being flustered. You noticed when his friend Ony eventually left. You gave him a polite wave and put on your customer service voice to tell him to have a ‘great rest of his night’. Not long after that, the only people who were left in the diner were you and Eren. “You want me to help you close up, little one?” He asked you as he got up from his booth to walk over to you.

“no no, I’ve got it. I’m fine.” You assured as you gathered your things and grabbed the keys to the diner. You locked the door behind you and Eren after the two of you left. He then grabbed your hand and led you to his car, opening the door for you like a gentleman. You had something on your mind that you really wanted to ask him, but you didn’t know how to say it. You nervously fidgeted with your hands and glanced at him as you debated speaking up.

Eren was focused on driving but he could sense your energy was off. He looked over at you and placed his hand on your thigh, “What is it baby?” He asked with a small hum as he gently caressed your thigh with his thumb. You opened your mouth and then closed it, still hesitant. He raised a brow at you, “Talk sweetheart. You don’t ever have to be scared to speak your mind to me. I’ll always listen.” He reassured you.

You appreciated the reassurance a lot, letting out a sigh you didn’t know you were holding in. “Did you really mean what you said earlier..? about me being your girl?..” you finally asked what’s been weighing on your mind since you walked away from his table. “Of course I meant it. I’ve meant it since that night.” He answered with zero hesitation. “Did you really think I would just say that without meaning it?”

“I mean..you haven’t officially asked me so I didn’t know..” you muttered as you looked away and out of the window since you were starting to feel self-conscious. It’s not like you wanted Eren to ask you out, but you also wanted him to be more direct to avoid confusion. Eren bit down on his tongue to hold back the small laugh that threatened to creep up. You were just too precious. “Did you want me to ask you?”

You didn’t know how to answer him. You didn’t want to let him go this time around but you were hesitant. Even though it was so clear and obvious that Eren wanted you and wanted to be with you. That fear of rejection and those small doubts took over your brain. “Come back to me baby. Stop thinking.” He interrupted your thoughts with a gentle squeeze to your thigh. You instantly focused your attention back on him.

He really did have a way of silencing your racing mind — Filling it with only thoughts of him. He was staring back at you. His attention also solely on you now that the two of you were stopped at a red light. “Do you want to be with me? yes or no?.” He asked you directly. “Don’t feel pressured to say anything other than what your heart is telling you.” He added for more reassurance. You tried not to overthink it this time. Following your heart as Eren told you.

“I do want to be with you.” You answered him genuinely. Being with Eren felt right and even though you were unsure about how things would turn out; you still wanted to give it a shot. Eren instantly grinned and leaned in to peck your cheeks and your lips. “I want to be with you too. I know this isn’t the most romantic way to ask you out but I’ll make up for it. I promise.” He smiled. You smiled back at him, “this is enough for me for now.” You reassured him honestly as you moved to hold his hand.

The two of you ended up at Eren’s house. Being back in his place gave you a weird sense of Deja vu mixed with nostalgia. It felt like it’d been so long since you were in his space even though it had only been a month or so. “You can make yourself comfy.” He told you with a small hum as he walked to his bedroom with you tailing behind him. “Uhm..is it okay if I use your shower?” You asked him. Even though he said you could get comfortable; you still felt it’d be rude not to ask.

He nodded, “of course baby. what’s mine is yours.” He said and you smiled before skipping off into his bathroom. He had a really nice bathroom so you gawked at it for a few minutes prior to actually undressing and getting into the hot shower. You always wondered what Eren did for work to have such a nice place but you didn’t know if you should ask. You had a feeling it was better left unknown.

After your long relaxing shower, you walked out to find eren sitting up in his bed in just his black boxer briefs. He was lighting up a blunt when he spotted you. “Didn’t you already smoke earlier?” You questioned him as you walked over to his closet. “Mhm, but I have a high tolerance baby. It’s only my third one today.” He explained but you didn’t know if that made it any better. Then again you didn’t know much about smoking weed.

You could feel Eren’s eyes boring into you as you dried off and moisturized your body. You avoided looking back at him though due to feeling shy. “You’re so fuckin’ pretty, you know that?” based on that sentence you knew where this was going. Once Eren got started, he didn’t stop. “I do. It’s hard not to know with you constantly reminding me.” You giggled. “I can’t help it, I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of looking at you. I’ve always loved that pretty face of yours. I can’t believe you’re mine now.”

You felt your heart swoon at his words and the contented sigh he let out. He seemed so genuinely happy to be with you and that made you feel so adored and seen. “c’mere princess.” He called you over. You put on one of his t-shirts before walking over to him. He instantly pulled you up onto his lap. “Had to get a closer look at my pretty girl.” He flattered you and you were blushing — though luckily it wasn’t noticeable due to your dark complexion. “You’re my pretty girl, right? All for me?”

You bit back a smile and nodded, “yes, I’m all yours.” You indulged him. He seemed satisfied with your answer based on the pleased grin on his face. “That’s right. You and me were always meant to be together.” He murmured as he stared at you adoringly and cupped your face with his large hand. You perked up at that, “You really believe that?” You questioned with a doe eyed stare. He nodded, “I do. You’re everything I ever wanted and more.”

You didn’t think you could possibly fall for this man even more, but he was proving you wrong. Everything he said had butterflies fluttering in your tummy and your eyes turning heart shaped for him. “I feel the same way.” You reciprocated with a giddy smile. He chuckled at the delighted look on your face, “You’re so damn cute.” he uttered with a small head shake as he grinned. He then took another hit from his blunt and grabbed you by your neck.

You let out a short gasp at the sudden movement and only had a few seconds to register what was happening as eren blew smoke into your parted lips. He was staring intensely into your eyes as the white cloud of smoke swirled between the two of you. You held the eye contact as you breathed in the second hand smoke. “mm.” was all eren hummed as his eyes drifted down to your pretty plump two toned lips. “You’re always so good for me.”

He praised you and you reveled in it. You hadn’t even done anything much but eren seemed very satisfied. He repeated the action of blowing smoke into your mouth. You were prepared for it this time and sucked up the ashy white smoke to blow it back to him but as you were about to; eren kissed you. He kissed you hard, like he had been waiting his whole life to do so. You let out a small “mmph!” into the kiss since it caught you off guard.

You breathed out the residual smoke through your nose as you began to kiss eren back. You parted your mouth for him to slide his tongue into it. You moaned softly into the kiss as his tongue explored your wet mouth; his tongue swirling with yours and pushing against the inner flesh of your chub cheeks. He squeezed at your throat once you began to grind your needy cunt onto his clothed cock that was hardening underneath you.

Your hands moved to pull his cock out with more eagerness than you initially intended. “mm, so impatient sweetheart.” He teased you as he pulled away and broke the kiss. “m’sorry I just..I wanted to..” your words trailed off as you grew sheepish and embarrassed. You had a hand wrapped around Eren’s cock, stroking it slowly in your soft palm. “You don’t have to apologize baby. ‘s all yours.”

Those words gave you a small boost of encouragement. You then moved to position yourself between Eren’s legs, catching him off guard. “oh.” he muttered as he realized what you were trying to do. You tried not to focus on his attention on you since it made you nervous. You spat on his cock and gradually increased the speed of your hand. The mixture of your saliva and his precum slicking up his cock and your hand as you stroked him off.

The soft grunts and moans eren let out only fueled you and made you more confident in your actions. You took the tip of his cock into your mouth, suckling on it softly while pushing your tongue into his slit. “oh fuck.” he moaned out breathlessly as his hand moved to the back of your head. You took more of him into your mouth until you couldn’t fit anymore, gagging on his thick cock.

“shit princess..jus’ like that” he groaned as he assisted you in bopping your head up and down. You whined around his cock as you sucked him off, drooling messily onto his dick and allowing him to use your mouth as he pleased. You continued moving your hand in circular up and down motions on the half of his dick that couldn’t fit into your mouth. “you’re doing so good, love. so fuckin’ perfect.” he praised you in between grunts and whimpers.

Eren’s grip tightened in your hair as he began thrusting up into your warm wet mouth. You moaned around his cock as he did, loving the feeling of him fucking your throat. It hurt in the most blissful way. The sound of it was so lewd. The gargling and spluttering sounds of your mouth swallowing his dick filling the space of Eren’s bedroom. “you eat this dick so fuckin’ good. Made just for me baby.” He moaned out as he threw his head back.

Eren was lost in the feeling of your tight throat around his dick. He felt like he could cum at any second with how good it felt. Not to mention how filthy you looked while eagerly taking his fat cock into your open mouth. Tears were streaming down your cheeks and frothy bubbles of spit spilled from the corners of your mouth as you let him use your mouth like a personal flesh toy. “ungh fuck! ‘m gonna cum baby” he whined pathetically.

You loved that he was falling apart so quickly all because of you. It turned you on so much. Your cunt was wet and itching for some attention — clenching around nothing as your panties grew soaked, sticking to your damp folds. You let out choked moans and gargles as eren fucked up into your mouth harder and faster, chasing his orgasm. You started to rub at your aching clit as eren used your mouth for his pleasure.

Your eyes rolling back at the stimulation to your clit and from being used so degradingly. “fuck! fuckfuckfuck..” eren swore as he let out a loud moan, holding your head down as he came in your mouth. “good girl. take all of it.” he breathed as he watched you swallow up his thick white ropes of cum. You whined as you swallowed as much as you could, some of it dripping down your chin and onto eren’s balls.

You pulled off with a disgusting wet suction sound, a thick web of spit and eren’s cum clinging to your mouth. eren didn’t care at all about the messy fluids, still grabbing you by your jaw and kissing you sloppily. He laid you down so that he was on top of you and slotted himself between your legs. “missed you so damn much.” he reiterated again as he yanked your panties off. He ran his fingers through your sticky folds before sliding two into your needy cunt.

The moan you let out was instantaneous, happy to finally have some proper attention to your pussy. “missed this pretty pussy too.” He muttered as he thrusted his fingers into you, watching the way your cunt eagerly sucked in his tatted fingers. You were so wet that you were already dripping down his hand, your slick seeping through the cracks of his fingers. “feels good baby?” he asked and you nodded fervently as you whined and moaned.

Eren started kissing and sucking possessive marks onto your neck as he rubbed tight circles onto your sensitive clit. You fisted his sheets as you cried out at the pleasure. You hadn’t been touched since the last time you were with eren so you were more sensitive than usual. “so sensitive and noisy baby.” he cooed. “you didn’t let anyone else touch my pretty cunt, did you?” He pressed as he slammed his fingers into you harder, the heel of his palm slamming down onto your clit.

You mewled, and cried out his name; your legs in a war of wanting to close and wanting to spread more for him. “m-mhm! n-no one else” you told him honestly as you squirmed under him and whimpered like a slut. “good girl. this cunt is mine only. to use as I please.” he claimed possessively as he curled his fingers inside you. His knuckles grazed that spot that had your eyes rolling back and your toes curling.

“m-mmfph! m’gonna-“ you wailed out but your cries got cut short by eren pulling his fingers out. You instantly let out a sob at the loss. “shh shh, hold on princess.” he soothed, placing kisses on your teary cheeks as he lined his cock up with your pulsating hole. He slid in with ease due to how wet you were; the two of you moaning in sync as he bottomed out. “fuckin’ hell..” he muttered under his breath as he gripped your hips in a bruising hold.

You were letting out incessant little whines as you squirmed and tried to adjust to his cock stretching you out and filling you up. “stop all that fuckin’ squirming.” he grunted and you whimpered. “‘m’sorry..can’t help it.” you whined and pouted. eren started off with slow thrusts to get you comfortable and relaxed; even though the urge to just pound into you was itching inside him. You appreciated that eren was giving you time to adjust.

“jus’ tell me when, sweetheart.” he murmured as he placed kisses along your jawline. You stopped squirming, relaxing as you fell into eren’s slow deliberate thrusts. It felt so good but eventually it wasn’t enough. “more” you whined as your legs wrapped tightly around Eren’s waist to pull him in deeper. Eren didn’t need to be told twice, pulling out all the way to the tip just to slam back into you hard.

He groaned as he began to pound into you ruthlessly making you squeal and cry out. Your nails scratched down Eren’s back, breaking the skin and drawing blood as he fucked you into the mattress. “shit” he hissed at the sting; he loved the pain and it only fueled him into fucking you harder and faster. The sound of skin slapping growing louder in the room along with the sound of your cries and Eren’s moans.

“ngh- love this pussy s’much. feels so fuckin’ good, sweet girl.” he praised, obsessing over the feeling of the slick plush walls of your cunt squeezing his dick. Your head was hanging off the edge of the bed as eren fucked you like a man starved — his dick abusing your poor cervix as you sobbed in pleasure. slobber and tears poured downwards on your face; your eyes growing hazy and blurred due to the blood rushing to your head.

“‘s s-so good ‘rennie mmph!” you hiccuped, your words slurred and barely intelligible. “look at you. all fucked stupid already. such a pretty slut f’me” he cooed as he grabbed your face to lift up your head. He looked into your glazed over eyes as he continued to ram his cock into you relentlessly — your pupils dilated and your face caked with tears. “fuck..you’re beautiful.” he breathed out as he stared at your face with pure adoration.

You managed a dopey smile at his heartfelt compliment. You knew you most likely looked a mess at the moment but you were glad that he still thought you were beautiful. “t-thank ah uhng- you” you slurred out in a moan. “tell me you’re mine.” he demanded as he drilled into you. He dropped your head to wrap his hand tightly around your neck, cutting off your air supply only slightly as his cock hammered against your gspot.

You let out a strangled scream at the intense pleasure, your nails clawing at eren’s hands and causing him to whimper at the rough scratches. “‘m yours! all yours ‘ren!” you forced out in a choked wail. Eren knew you were his now but he was obsessed with hearing it. He’d never get sick of hearing you say it. “mm fuck, I love hearing you say that so much baby” he groaned as his head rolled back in pleasure.

By now your eyes were crossing, vision turning bleary due to the position you were in and eren’s hand around your neck affecting your air supply. You were just on the verge of passing out when eren let your throat go and pulled you up into his arms. “you still with me baby?” he checked on you as he pulled out. You whined and nodded slowly, regulating your breathing as eren positioned you to lay on your stomach.

“use your words sweetheart.” he urged softly as he gently grabbed your face to get a good look at you. “‘m okay, promise.” you reassured him with a small smile. “good.” he sighed softly in relief and then kissed you tenderly. Eren then lifted your hips up slightly and pushed his cock back inside you. The two of you moaning breathlessly together at the familiar feeling. In this position you felt so full of eren and smothered by him in the best way.

“you take me in so good baby. I love feeding my dick to this needy cunt.” He uttered into your neck as he fucked into you in the prone bone position. He grabbed your hands to intertwine your fingers with his as he fucked you with deep purposeful strokes this time. You were a blubbering mess now as Eren’s dick consistently hit your sweet spot, making that coil in your abdomen threaten to burst.

“you gonna cum for me baby, hm?” he encouraged against your sweaty, dewy brown skin as he fucked you senseless. He was fucking you with less intensity than before but somehow it felt way more intense when he actually took his time. You were too gone to properly form words now, only able to produce sobs and whines. “awh, my princess is being fucked too good to speak.” he teased with a soft chuckle as he placed kisses along your shoulder blades.

Eren let one of your hands go to slide it in between your body and the mattress, he began to rub on your sticky cum covered clit as he continued to burrow his dick deep inside you. The added stimulation to your clit took you over the edge, your legs trembling as you sobbed into the pillows. “there you go, my sweet girl.” he cooed as you came undone around his cock. The way your cunt squeezed around his dick as you came made eren lose his pace, his eyes fluttering as he came almost in time with you.

His thrust came to a slow stop as he filled up your puffy abused cunt. He laid on you as he caught his breath. You were hooked on the feeling of his body weight on you, so warm and heavy like a big personal human heated blanket. You hoped he’d never get up even if he was crushing you. Eren enjoyed the feeling just as much as you did, relishing in the intimate skin to skin contact. The two of you lay like that for a while longer until eren pulled away.

You whined and tried to pull him back, he chuckled. “I know baby, but I gotta get you cleaned up.” He hummed and placed a kiss on the nape of your neck before pulling away again. He gently pulled his cock out of you and then made his way to his bathroom. You had gave up on trying to stay conscious, your eyes drooping and slowly falling shut as you drifted asleep.

Eren gently cleaned up your sleeping form with a warm washcloth before he climbed back into bed with you. He kissed your forehead and pulled you close as he fell asleep alongside you. This time when you woke up inside Eren’s blindingly bright bedroom, you felt at peace. It felt right this time. You woke up before eren did and you took advantage of the time to freely ogle at him while trailing your fingers along his chest.

You grinned as you watched eren start to shift in his sleep. “You enjoying watching me, love?” him speaking so suddenly caught you off guard making you jump slightly. He opened his eyes and burst out laughing at the deer in headlights look on your face. “That’s not funny!” You huffed as you lightly slapped his chest. “It is though, you should’ve seen your face.” He said as he laugher died down.

“Goodmorning though princess.” He smiled as he wrapped his arms around your waist. “Goodmorning” you repeated back with a smile of your own. “You hungry? this time I’ll make actual food for you, I promise.” He offered with a laugh. “mm, I’m holding you to that. No slick talk, sir.” You stated as you held a finger to his face to emphasize your point. “You got it ma’am” he chucked with a nod.

Eren stood on his word and actually did make you a proper breakfast that you devoured happily. That was the start of your relationship with him. The relationship between you two continued on for three more months and the more time passed the more the two of you fell in love with each other. On one of your mundane days relaxing with eren, he suggested going to a party. “I don’t know ‘rennie..”

“You know I don’t like parties.” You muttered honestly, unsure about going. “I know baby but it won’t be bad. I’ll be with you the whole time. Ony is going and he wants me to join him but I don’t want to go without you.” He tried to persuade you as he gave your hand a small squeeze. You sighed, “okay, but only for an hour. No more than that.” You stated your terms. “yes mama.” he easily obliged and gave you a kiss.

The party was as you expected — crowded and loud, filled with the smell of weed and alcohol. You stayed close to eren as the two of you roamed the party to find his friend ony. Being at this party gave you flashbacks to attending parties with connie; only this time you had a new boyfriend who actually cared about you and paid attention to you. The two of you eventually found ony and it felt strange to actually be acknowledged when eren was with his friends.

You were so used to being ignored in the past that it felt nice to be seen and included for once. Things were going so well until the last person you ever wanted to see again walked in with two girls clinging to him. “Oh fuck, am I seeing things?” Connie laughed as he spotted you and eren. You immediately grew uncomfortable. “You actually turned a hoe into a housewife.” He joked but only he laughed. “Shut the fuck up connie. You’re still a bitch made pussy.” Eren snapped.

“and you still got my sloppy seconds. You know how you get’em is how you lose’em. Don’t be shocked when she leaves you to go fuck someone else.” Connie shrugged in response. “I’d never do that! I only did that to you because you were a piece of shit boyfriend. I actually love eren and he treats me how I deserve to be treated.” You stood up for yourself this time. It felt great to finally speak up to Connie and the shock on his face made it worth it.

Eren smiled down at you with pride, placing a kiss on top of your head. “ew.” Connie grumbled childishly at the sight. “You don’t need to worry about her or our relationship. She’s all mine now and I got it handled.” Eren stated confidently as he stared at Connie. Connie glared at him but accepted defeat as he turned around and stormed off. You let out a sigh once he left. “I told you coming to this party was a bad idea.” You muttered with a bitter laugh.

“Hour’s almost up anyways.” He reminded with a hum — attempting to cheer you up as he cupped your face. “You’re mine, right?” He asked you with an expectant look. You instantly smiled at the question you’ve heard too many times to count now. It was like an inside joke now. Sometimes you’d ask him, most of the time he’d ask you, but the answer always remained the same.

“I’m all yours.”

tags <3

@misscaller06 @erenjaegerwifee @sinsensual1 @blessed-princesa @antichristisbby @undermypersuasion @sheluvsscarti

hopefully y’all ain’t forget about part 3 by now 🫣

[gavisimmaculaterizz]

bb can u write something like jude coming home from practice and being angry, mad or something, and just storming off in his room, and later on (female) reader falls asleep on the couch teary eyed bcz she doesn't know what she did wrong

— bother / jude bellingham.

summary: jude cant hold in his anger from losing his match, resulting in a distant jude.

warnings: a bit of angst ??

masterlist

as the final whistle blew, distant whistles and boos came from the santiago bernabéu. the night in madrid was cold, the huge loss of the white giants filled the madrid air with coldness. as fans exited the stadium, jude proceeded to go to the locker room furious. he couldn’t help but feel anger, not being able to help his team out with at least scoring a goal. he disappointed the fans, maybe even his girlfriend. he mentally cursed himself out for not showing his potential, preparing for the hate he’d get on twitter by fellow madridistas.

meanwhile at the comfort of your shared apartment, you couldn’t help but feel a bit of sadness watching your boyfriends team lose heavily. you turned off the television, feeling sadness wash over you, over the terrible result in the bernabéu that just happened moments ago. you hated seeing your boyfriend sad, knowing these type of losses affected him heavily.

a couple hours later, the noise of bags falling echoed around the silent home. you ran to jude, excited to hug him and welcome him in. when reaching the tall british, you were welcomed with a cold and distant jude. “hey babe how was your game?”, you asked your boyfriend. upon your question, jude’s facial expression changed heavily. “what do you mean how was my game? did you even pay attention to what just happened?”,he asked furiously. his words hit you like a cold dagger that was plummeted into your heart, dry and distant, with a hint of anger still lingering in his voice. “do you want to talk about it?”, you asked trying to console your boyfriend. his words broke you, all you tried to do was ask if his game went okay, even though you’d know what his response would be. “no, god just leave me alone— you’re such a bother y/n.”, jude stated furiously. he quickly stormed off to your shared room, shutting the door loudly, letting you know to not even step foot into the room. your heart broke, you couldn’t contain your tears anymore.

you ran to your living room in tears, only seeing blurriness, and tasting the saltiness water streaming down your face. you mentally cursed yourself out feeling guilty for making him angry, even though it was not your fault at all. you knew he was a bit pissed off from his game still , but you never meant to provoke him even more than he was. you laid down on your sofa, grabbing a blanket and covering yourself completely. you wanted to give him space, let him cool down a bit.

meanwhile in your little bubble, your thoughts raced, ‘was it my fault for making him angry?’ you kept sobbing, overloading yourself with these negative thoughts. you let yourself cry until you couldn’t anymore. all you let out were heavy breaths which occupied the quiet home. with all the crying, it made you sleepy, and you couldn’t help but doze off into the night sky. you would soon be awaiting your boyfriends apology in the morning.

but was he right about you being a bother..?

a/n: i kind of tweaked it a bit anon!! also this is my first fic so im mentally cringing at myself bc im not used to this 🙁, so i hope yall like it

[neversetyoufree]

Since we'll hopefully be getting out of the VnC hiatus soon, and this new arc seems to finally be turning the spotlight back to Noé and calling out some of his more troubling traits for the first time, I've been thinking a lot about him recently.

I've talked before on this blog about Noé's inability to recognize or process bad things when they happen to him alone. He bounces back from and idealizes almost any experience as soon as it's over, even when he absolutely shouldn't. It's one of my favorite traits of his, and it's been lampshaded a couple of times in-manga. Louis calls out how weird his attitude toward his kidnapping is during the mémoire 9 flashback, and the "be a little bothered" from Vanitas and co in mémoire 57 has the same effect.

We also recently got a whole extended sequence of Vanitas and Domi complaining about how Noé also never anticipates harm before it might come to him. He waltzes into dangerous situations like it's nothing, almost as if he thinks he's unkillable. Combined with the above, this is just more of his strange brand of optimistic denial. Everything is fine in Noéland! It can't possibly not be fine! He always trusts and thinks the best of people and situations by default, never wanting to expect they may do wrong, and so long as a given event doesn't involve harm to external innocents and/or Noé's loved ones that he can't rationalize away, he compartmentalizes and denies harm once it's done. Thus he carries on in blissful ignorance, his past suffering having no effect on the blithe trust with which he treats the world.

But in addition to all that, Noé is also very notably divorced from the consequences of his own actions. It's not that he's *incapable* of considering his own effect on people, and he certainly tries to be kind and decent, but much of the time, it just doesn't seem to occur to him that people will have reactions to the things he does. He does as he sees fit, and when his deeds impact the people around him, especially if they produce a reaction that could upset him, it bounces off his mind in the same way that potential traumas do.

On the more lighthearted end of the spectrum, this leads to things like Noé never noticing when people are attracted to him. It may also have something to do with his airheaded messiness—the way he's always thoughtlessly making a mess of the hotel room and incurring Vanitas's wrath in bonus materials. On the heavier end of the spectrum, this causes a lot of genuine problems for the people around him. He's largely oblivious to the depth of Dominique's mental health problems until she's pushed to her breaking point at the amusement park, despite the fact that he's inextricably entangled in the cause of them. He also completely loses sight of Vanitas's reactions to him when he gets caught up in his protective rage at the start of the vanoé fight, and it takes an outside reminder from Jeanne and a literal mirror to make him realize that his own actions are part of why Vanitas has devolved to such a state.

This lack of self-perception on Noé's part feeds back into the other problems I laid out at the top of this post, his obliviousness toward his interactions with the rest of the world helping to facilitate his denial. It's part of the happy little insulating bubble that he interacts with the world through. And as the other side of that coin, his automatic, unthinking denial of things that could hurt him is part of what enables him to ignore his own impacts on the people around him. You can't reckon with or worry about harming other people when you live in Noéland where everything must be fine. I think the fact that he wants to be a good person that doesn't harm others actually makes it harder for him to confront the truth of how he impacts the world, because him hurting others is a Bad Thing that would cause him mental harm.

We've seen Noé mess up, understand his mistake, and apologize for it before. He apologizes to Vanitas for making assumptions about him after the bal masqué, he apologizes to Vanitas again at the end of the amusement park fight, and he apologizes to Riche for speaking with ignorance about dhampirs. However, I think the bigger a mistake of his is, the more harm it causes other people (and the more understanding would hurt him as a result), the harder it is for Noé to comprehend his wrongs. He's clearly trying to make things right with Domi, and he's told her that he values her, but I don't know if it's yet occurred to him to conceive of their mess as a situation where he's done her active wrong. He also literally passes out on her mid-conversation, leaving Domi and Vanitas to carry him back to bed when he was supposed to be comforting her.

But I think the most fascinating example, the moment where all this comes together into Noé's most feeble and blatant act of denial yet, is the first time he sees Misha after clawing up his face. The anime actually changes this detail, which is its own can of worms to get into, but in the manga, when Noé sees Misha's injuries in the light of day after attacking him, he immediately fucking turns around.

At the end of his wits at the amusement park, Noé claws a child across the face in a fit of anger and protectiveness. I'm not interested in condemning Noé for this, especially given that the child in question was actively trying to stab Vanitas at the time, but I will say that his actions are quite extreme. Given Vanitas's response and the way Misha's injuries are portrayed, I think it's clear that the manga wants us to see how Noé hurts Mikhail as something troubling and extreme. He gives that kid a pretty horrible injury, and Misha will likely have scars on his face for the rest of his life.

And regardless of how justified he may or may not have been in hurting Misha in defense of Vanitas, it's clear that Noé himself is upset by the true extent of what he does to Mikhail's face. When he looks at him in the light of day, when he sees a numb-looking child with his face wrapped in still-bloody bandages, though we only get to see a small segment of his face in that moment, he looks sick. He knows that he's done something troubling, and I'm sure he feels all kinds of heavy and unpleasant emotions.

This is one genuinely bad thing he's done that Noé cannot deny. He can't rationalize this one away and make it all copacetic. He can't conveniently forget the emotional reality of suffering and harm, because that reality is standing ten yards away from him. And he can't just apologize for things either, because apologies cannot undo physical harm, and frankly, I'm not sure he'd be able to give an honest apology for his one. Sickness at the results of his actions doesn't mean he fully regrets hurting Misha, at least not at this moment when emotions are still raw.

But Noé, confronted with this undeniable source of guilt and pain, is still ultimately unable to look the pain he's caused in the eye. A problem piercing through the happy veil of Noéland and forcing him to acknowledge it doesn't mean he's capable of reckoning with that problem. Instead he just. turns away from it.

Noé, forced to acknowledge a harm he's done and unable to employ all the many layers of automatic insulation that usually protect him, physically turns around because he cannot bear to look at the person, the child, that he's hurt. He employs the very last possible form of avoidance available to him, even though it's useless in the ways that matter. Not looking at Misha doesn't mean he gets to un-know the fact that he maimed him, but he simply cannot bring himself to look.

Noé is extremely good at playing "I do not see it" with things that hurt him. He's good enough that I think he has genuinely no idea he's doing it a vast majority of the time. Whatever mental shield he has that's protecting him is automatic enough that the badness that could hurt him doesn't ever even seem to cross his conscious mind. But no matter how automatic and subconscious, this tendency of his is still, and the end of the day, nothing more than an unhealthy coping mechanism, and this moment helps to put that to our attention.

What's the difference, really, between him cheerfully acting like Jean-Jacques and Chloé's assaults never upset him and him turning around so he doesn't have to look at the wounds he gave Mikhail? Noé can't look at pain, can't acknowledge the things he finds upsetting (at least not things that cause him alone pain, as others' pain often triggers his savior complex and spurs action). This scene with Misha throws that into the light, forcing Noé to desperately cling to his avoidance in an obvious and physical way.

Even when there's no way to deny the harsh reality of having done something he finds horrific, Noé Archiviste cannot make himself look directly at a painful truth, be it others wronging him or his own wrongdoing. It takes an external hand to step in and force him to turn his head and acknowledge/reckon with a problem. And even then, who knows if intervention can always be successful.

The start of the dham arc so far has drawn a lot of attention to this pattern of behavior, with Vanitas having to sit Noé down and explain to him in detail why his words said in well-meaning ignorance make Dante so upset. This is Noé being forced to look at a harm he caused because he couldn't or wouldn't look at and comprehend the problem (his fellow vampires' racism) in the situation he was in. But upsetting Dante is ultimately a low stakes problem for Noé. He put his foot in his mouth and offended a peer; he didn't shred Vanitas's little brother. He's able to accept his wrongs and feel his discomfort without resorting to physically turning around and avoiding the issue.

I want to know what Noé will do if/when this arc forces him to confront a source of pain he can't handle in a context that's more high stakes than a social faux pas. I want to see what he'll do when something really forces him beyond his ability to believe that everything is fine. How badly would he have to be hurt to lose his ability to filter an event/events through rose colored glasses? How badly would he have to hurt someone else? Or is his instinctive shield good enough that he'll never get out of it on his own? And if so, who else might step in to make Noé own up to reality?

Teacher and the Archivistes are becoming plot-relevant now, and our attention is being drawn to Noé's issues. I think there might be something coming soon that even Noé can't turn away from and cheerfully pretend isn't hurting him. Teacher even ends his appearance at the amusement park with a little speech about having to "wake and face reality," which makes me even more certain that a wake-up call for Noé is imminent.

Either that, or Noé's going to mess up and hurt somebody even worse than he hurt Misha later this arc, and in that case, we might get to see a feat of denial even worse than him literally turning around to avoid looking at the wounds he caused.

[exhaslo]

Hii... Sorry to bother you.. Could you do bully Miguel x shy reader like Miguel always bully and tease reader, but reader also got bullied in the past by eddie who worse like cigarette burn something like that , but miguel kinda likes reader and have a soft spot for her , let me know what's on your mind , have a nice day ☺ (sorry my English is bad)

Sure! I highly recommend to check out my Puzzle Pieces story whenever you get a chance! This request is pretty similar to how I made that story, but I'll change this up a bit for your request~

Warning: Mentions of abuse, bullying, loneliness, fluff, handsy, touch starved

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A cold droplet landed so perfectly against your hand as you sat alone on an abandon swing.

The cool wind that blew roughly against your face as you stared at the broken mats below you.

A heart breaking silence that could only remind you that you were alone in this place.

This place, and everywhere.

It had been a long time since you had a moment to enjoy yourself. Lately you've been in a downward slump. Nothing seemed to go right for you or get your spirits up. You just wanted a friend. Someone to help you get out of this lonely slump.

"This isn't a field trip," Miguel spoke as he approached you from behind.

"Isn't as fun as one," You muttered lowly, jumping off the swing.

"Let's get back to what we're supposed to be doing."

You just nodded as you followed Miguel. The reason you were in the middle of an abandon park was actually work related. Miguel was your coworker. Your tall, handsome, bossy and bully of a coworker. He added to your stress by workload and teasing.

"Hey, pay attention." Miguel huffed as he flicked your forehead. You whimpered quietly,

"S-Sorry," You apologized. Miguel sighed once more,

"Do you even remember what we're supposed to be doing here?"

"I-I...I do!" You cried, gripping your bag as you hurried to the grassy field, "I....do...just please....leave me alone for a moment," You whispered as tears threaten to spill.

---------

Miguel watched you hurry off, resisting a chuckle. Lord, you were so adorable and easy to tease. Miguel loved it when your face would turn red from embarrassment. He wanted to see more of you. If only you would come out of your shell.

Miguel loved hearing your voice. Your little squeaks and whines. You were the best coworker he could have ever had. You were made just for him. Miguel just had a hard time showing his affection and it ended up coming out as bullying.

"I'll be over at this section, (Y/N). Let me know when you're done!" Miguel called out.

This was a simple field gathering that Miguel needed done. He wanted to collect some samples of the wild life bugs outside the city so he could return to the lab. While Miguel was the top scientist at Alchemax, you were just one of his measly assistants.

A cute one at that.

Miguel chuckled to himself as he thought of you being grossed out by the bugs. Despite your shyness, Miguel knew that you could never say no to him. Another reason why he was so obsessed with you. Miguel just wished he knew how to get you to loosen up around him some more.

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After a while of gathering, you felt exhausted. Miguel had approached you a few times, checking up on you and offering water. It did warm your heart, but the man confused you so much. He always teased you, yet would turn around and treat you so kindly. Miguel was not the average bully.

At least you weren't sure. He did do strange things.

Once the two of you were done, you made you way back to Alchemax. Miguel offered the scenic route, stating that they could use the extra time for themselves.

"So hot. How could you wear long sleeves even in this heat?" Miguel asked with a huff as he fixed his bag. You gripped your sleeves,

"I....rather not say," You whispered.

Miguel noticed your grim expression and cussed mentally. He struck a nerve. Glancing around, Miguel smiled as he saw an ice cream shop ahead and grabbed your wrist, dragging you behind.

"M-Miguel!"

You cheeks grew flustered as Miguel dragged you away. You didn't know where he was taking you until you entered the shop. Confused, you enjoyed the cool breeze of the AC as you stood behind Miguel. It were these moments that confused you.

"What flavor do you want?" Miguel asked. You tilted your head, looking at the flavors,

"Oh," You pointed towards your favorite flavor, "Um...T-Thank you, Miguel."

You smiled softly as Miguel grunted in response. Now that sounded more like the Miguel you knew. As you held your ice cream, Miguel suggested to sit at the shop for a bit before returning. You didn't think too much of it, but this was making up for his behavior from earlier.

"You know...I can recommend a place that makes cooling long sleeve shirts." Miguel muttered. You almost didn't hear him, "If...you don't mind the suggestion, that is."

"I would love that. Thank you-"

"Whoa, is that (Y/N)?"

You felt your heart sink as you heard a familiar voice. Your breathing shuddered as you looked away.

"It is! Holy shit! Long time no see!!"

Miguel felt his eye twitch as he heard an obnoxious voice call out your name so casually and snobby. Glancing down towards you, Miguel furrowed his brows. You were shaking like a leaf and the blood had drained from your face.

"What? Too good to even say hi, (Y/N)?" The man snorted, getting closer. Miguel's lazily glare turned towards the man,

"And if she is?" He scoffed, towering over the man as Miguel stood, "Who do you think you are?"

"Name's Eddie, her ex."

"L-Let's...g-go." You whispered quietly.

Miguel felt your lightest tug against his shirt. You were scared. Now, while Miguel did enjoy bullying and teasing you for affection, it was clear that Eddie had bullied you for fun. That struck a nerve with Miguel.

"Well, Eddie, (Y/N) obviously doesn't want to talk to you. So fuck off," Miguel hissed, wrapping his arm around your waist.

Your eyes widen towards the warm of Miguel's touch as he pulled you out of the store. This level of comfort felt so right. So nice. This was what you felt like you were missing. Just a small touch. You had dropped your ice cream, but who cares.

This felt nice.

Once you were a good distance away, Miguel had you face him. Tears stained your cheeks as you quickly pulled Miguel into a deep hug. You really didn't want to let go of him. Not just yet. You felt so touch starved that you just needed this.

"You're okay," Miguel hummed.

This felt really nice. Having your arms wrapped around him. Miguel would love for this to be a constant thing. Resting his hand against your head, Miguel waited until you were ready. This was a side that he hadn't seen before...a side that he wasn't sure he wanted to see.

"(Y/N)...Sorry if I ever, get on your nerves." Miguel apologized, feeling as if it were the right thing to do.

You sniffled, looking up at him, "Y-You're not...as bad as he was." You whimpered. Miguel enjoyed the little squeeze you gave him, "T-Thank you...f-for standing up for me."

"Of course," Miguel wiped your tears away, frowning as you let go, "I tease you a lot because I like you. Now, I know that isn't an excuse, but I'm here if you need to talk."

"T-Thank you," You smiled and rubbed your arm slightly, "Um, C-Can I add...a stress hug to that offer?"

"Suuure?" Miguel was confused, but accepted none the less.

---------

Oh, how Miguel loved these stress hugs. Ever since that day, you would just pop into his lab when no one was around and hug Miguel tightly. Those hugs would last anywhere between a few seconds to a few minutes. It was hard for him not to go back to teasing you.

"Mig?" You whispered, poking your head into his lab.

There you were once again. Miguel motioned you in and hid his smile as you quickly rushed to hug him. Your arms wrapping around his waist as you gave him a squeeze. Miguel returned the gesture, always wondering how far you would let him touch you.

"Your 'stress hugs' have been getting lighter. Sure this isn't a reason to embrace me?" Miguel said with a low chuckle.

"N-No!" You huffed.

Ah, the cute pout you did. Miguel smirked as his hands roamed your back, feeling your body shake and move with his touch. You were enjoying this just as much as he was. Who know how touch starved Miguel was until you started this.

"Excuse me, Miguel?"

Not wanting to get caught, Miguel quickly pinned you under his desk. He covered your mouth, signaling you to be quiet until the lab worker left.

"Hm? He must have left."

Miguel resisted a sigh of relief as he stared at you. Your body pressed against his as the two of you hid under a small space. Your legs were practically around his hips while your hands were resting against his arms.

"..."

Miguel felt like he was at a loss for words. Everything about this felt so right. Your body just melted against his. His perfect dream come true. Slowly moving his hand away from your mouth, Miguel waited for you to say something. Anything!

"M-Mig," You finally spoke, cheeks burning red. Miguel stroked your cheek, watching you lean against his palm,

"Think these....stress hugs can get a little more-"

"Touchy?"

You took the words right out of his mouth. Pulling you onto his lap as you both still hid under the desk, Miguel resisted a groan. How could he tease you to being his girlfriend? How could he bully you to be his? Miguel needed to know!

"I-Is it weird...t-that this is...calming?" You asked shyly, resting your head against his neck as you touched his chest. Miguel was biting the inside of his cheek,

"Yea, guess that means you're a pervert, (Y/N)." He chuckled. You frowned, glaring at him,

"S-So are you!"

Miguel grunted as he grabbed your waist, pulling you closer to him as he inhaled your perfume. His eyes nearly rolling back as you trembled against his touch. Your soft hands playing with his hair was making him go crazy.

"I'll happily take that insult from you."

A small smile formed against your lips as you and Miguel stayed like for a few seconds longer. You had to get back to work, but at least you knew that the two of you could keep seeing each other like this. It felt good. It made you feel better.

No longer did you feel lonely as Miguel held you in his warm embrace.

No longer did you know that you were the only one who needed this escape.

You had Miguel to be handsy with.

You had Miguel to share your comfort. Even if he was a bully to you sometimes. Miguel would always make it up by calming you down with his touches.

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Hope you enjoyed!!!!

[mm-lurking]

Your mara brings me pain too - Blade

Blade is the coldest Stellaron Hunter of them all. He is a man of few words and even fewer emotions. One fateful day you get a message from Kafka asking for your help and you learn that behind his cold exterior is a man just like you- and everyone else; he has fears, pain and regrets of his own.

A/N: I don’t understand much about how his mara works but this is how I envisioned it as. Plus, it was about time I wrote something on reader comforting Blade.

ALSO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 100 FOLLOWERS!! Oh my god thank you for liking my writing >< T^T

Warnings: Blade x fem! reader, angst and pain, fluff, please Blade deserves so much love and affection, idk my writing feels choppy my apologies I’m rusty as hell.

WC: 4227 — Hey are you free right now? It’s urgent.

One day on the Xianzhou Luofu your phone buzzes at night. You weren’t doing particularly much, just cleaning your space and lounging around. You pick up your phone and squint at the sender’s name only to stare at it for a while wondering if you read it right. It was Kafka.

I am available what’s up?

You wondered why Kafka would contact you for help at a time like this. Was everything ok?

Can‘t explain too much but it has to do with Blade. Come over as fast as possible.

You jump upon reading the message. There is a slight elevation in your heart rate as you read his name. Blade was the Stellaron Hunter that had caught your eye when you first encountered him. As days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, you started realising that perhaps you were in love with him. The idea of that sounded so stupid that you hated to admit it but it was the truth. Obviously, the 9 million bounty over his head wasn’t discouraging enough to stop these feelings.

Left with no choice, you grab your phone and head out the door, practically sprinting to the hideout where those two resided. You’re breathless by the time you arrive and knock on the door, panting like a dog as Kafka opens it. She looks at you with surprise all over her face.

“You’re here. That was fast.”

“You said it had to do with Blade so.”

“Ah yes, it does. Come inside.”

You follow her inside and shut the door close. Neither of you say anything and you silently follow her to a room in the distance. Right before she enters the room she turns around and looks at you with an unreadable expression.

“His mara is acting up again but this time he is wounded pretty badly. While I use my spirit whisperer to calm him down, I need you to help me heal and keep him steady. There is a first aid kit on the table inside.”

You stare at her with wide eyes and blink, taking a minute to process her words. Your gaze flicks back and forth between Kafka and the door, and you take a long pause before saying anything.

“Kafka are you sure it’s ok for me to…”

Your voice trails off. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to help him. You were a healer; on expeditions and other occasions it was your responsibility to heal and tend to others wounds. But this was different -you liked Blade and you weren’t sure if he was comfortable with you healing him. You didn’t want to upset him when he was stable again. Kafka notices your dilemma and shakes her head.

“If there is anyone I can trust Blade with, it’s you. Plus, he would be ok with you.”

That makes your heart flutter but you mentally make yourself shut up and nod. She turns back around and twists the doorknob open, revealing Blade lying on the bed with injuries and hyperventilating. His coat has been discarded on the side of the bed and he lies on the mattress with nothing but poorly wrapped gauze on his upper body. There is a lot of blood splattered all over his limbs but the wound on his chest makes your heart twist; it’s oozing with warm blood and the bandages are unable to stop it.

The injury looks painful. The wound looks like a shattered mirror with lots of little cracks and crevices. You’re so shocked by his state that Kafka has to snap her fingers in front of your face to take you out of your trance. You look at her and then back at him again, wondering how to even explain what you were feeling.

“How did he…?”

“He must have over-pushed himself again. The Xianzhou Luofu reeks of his past and even with the lack of memory, the emotions are still present to induce his mara.”

You cautiously take a step closer to the bed. He’s clearly out of his mind as he keeps mumbling things along the lines of  “you must pay the price” and “my sins are no different than yours traitor”. A part of you is afraid to approach him as you fear he might accidentally hurt you in this state. But the other part of you aches seeing him in so much pain and there is nothing more you wish to do than to soothe his suffering.

“Be careful.”

Kafka warns you and you nod your head while continuing to take closer steps to his bed. There is an aura around him that you cannot discern; it is an uncomfortable feeling of pain and suffocation. By the time you are right by his bedside, the aura only gets stronger and worse. You

can hear him withering in pain from his wounds as sweat rolls down the side of his face. He turns his head left and right continuously as if trying to ease the discomfort. Judging by his half-lidded eyes, it seems he isn’t aware you’re standing next to him.

Immediately you summon your healing power, first creating a shield around yourself to protect you from the aura and any sudden self-defense movements he might do. Then, you lean closer towards his body and place your hands on his chest, removing his bandages carefully to begin healing.

“I’m going to start using the spirit whisperer now. On my count. One, two-“

You zone out the moment she finishes counting and release all the power you have into your hands to heal him. There is a faint yellowish glow over his chest as you hover your hands over the wounds. It takes a considerable amount of power to work on each wound he has, especially the one right in the middle of the chest that hasn’t stopped bleeding. You hear him groan in pain as you work your way through the different injuries continuously.

“I know…I know…”

You whisper soothingly as he seethes and huffs, presumably from the spirit whisperer. For a moment there is silence in the room until suddenly Blade throws his arm towards you, smacking your shield with a loud thud. The unexpected action makes you stumble a little and your healing abilities dispel from the shock.

You look up at Kafka who gives you a concerned look. She had mentioned that she cannot stop her ability halfway through the process and therefore leaving you alone to deal with Blade. You gaze back at Blade who's starting to stir awake and his groans only get worse as consciousness begins to set in.

With a deep breath, you hover your hands over his chest again and resume healing. Unfortunately for you, he tries to hit you again and the thud on your shield makes you flinch. Despite this, you push forward as you grit your teeth and finish healing his main wound.

A surge of pain takes over you as you exhaust yourself in the process of healing him. He’s trying to throw hands at you again, this time more aggressively as if trying to stop you from healing him. However, based on his constant murmuring and the pain laced in his voice, he’s reliving something and is accidentally taking it out on you instead.

At one point you catch his hands as you tightly grip them and hold them in place to stop him from hitting you. His strength is overbearing even during such a state of weakness. He squirms in your grasp, trying to escape but you hold onto him until he finally gives up and loosens his grip.

“Easy there Blade…”

Who knows if he’s actually able to hear you but regardless, you continue to whisper comforting things to him, trying to ease the pain as much as possible. It hurts seeing him in such a frail state, one where you can’t intervene. The mara is a sickness only those inflicted with it can understand and feel and as such, you’re left to watch him from the outside as he fights the battles in his mind.

The last of his wounds are easier to patch up and it should take no time to heal them. But just as you’re about to start healing again he physically stirs and you watch him twist and turn as his eyes flutter open. There is a momentary silence in the room before he shifts his head to look at you and you swear you see hatred in his crimson eyes.

“You traitor..!”

You gulp. He’s still mara-stricken but just awake. You’re unsure if you should say anything as it might make things worse; what if he gets physical with you? Hesitantly you softly reply.

“Blade, it’s me.”

“You…you must pay the price!”

Before you know it he has grabbed onto your arms once again and tries to wrestle you. The sheer force he exerts on you makes you panic as you try to make him let go.

“Blade…!”

You look back at Kafka whose eyes are closed as she continues her part of the job. A chill runs down your spine as you slightly panic, afraid you will be alone in dealing with his sudden change in demeanour. Another burst of light leaves your hands as you form a new shield and wrestle to contain him.

After what feels like forever, the unyielding grip he has on you loosens and he breathes heavily. You watch as he takes large gulps of air and turns his head side to side over and over. A pang of pain hits your chest as you try to ease his discomfort again, healing the last of his wounds while he seems to be calm. 

Silence falls in the room again as you finally finish healing. You take this opportunity to stare at his figure only to notice he has fallen completely silent and looks to be asleep. Confused at his sudden behaviour change, you glance at Kafka again who opens her eyes and looks at you. She gives you a small smile and you immediately understand that she has finished using her spirit whisperer.

“I have suppressed the mara in him. He should be fine now. Thank you for your help.”

Your attention shifts back to Blade, and you gaze at him longingly.

“You’re welcome.”

Kafka nods and smiles at you again.

“I will leave him in your capable hands. I am sure he will need your presence when he wakes up.”

You’re not sure how to feel about that. Yes, you would love to look after him but you were also afraid he wouldn’t be pleased if he saw you. Before you can say anything, Kafka leaves the room and it’s just you and Blade alone together. You haven’t been able to process anything since you arrived. Everything was so chaotic and sudden that only now were you able to think through things. You mentally trace the wounds on his chest, starting from the ones on his shoulder and moving your way down to his abdomen.

The injury on his chest hurts you the most. In your lifetime of getting injured and healing others, you’ve seen it all. You’ve seen flesh burn, knife stabs down to the bone, small scratches; name an injury and you’ve seen it at least once in your lifetime. But his wound was a unique situation. You knew that no matter how much he was stabbed and hurt his flesh would heal over and over on its own. That was the curse of immortality given to him. No matter how grave the injury, it would heal.

That doesn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt right? You couldn’t even fathom the pain he went through everyday, getting hurt in fights and having to come back to his residence to bandage up everything on his own. Each day like clockwork that’s what he probably did, cursing his immortality as he cleaned up his wounds all by himself, all alone.

The image of that brings tears to your eyes as you look at his face. How lonely must it be to live a life like this? To know you could never die, to know that you would have to look after yourself all on your own? Did he ever wish that someone could look after him just once? Or did he think he wasn’t deserving of such love?

Your tears splatter on the bedsheet as you feel an overwhelming amount of sadness from such thoughts. How desperately you wished you could be the woman by his side to assist him in such moments. How desperately you wished that you could love him so dearly that every fibre of his body felt wanted and desired.

It takes you a while to calm down from such depressing thoughts. The tears have dried from your eyes but you continue to sniffle as you grab the bandages and gauze from the first aid kit to bind his wounds. Slowly but gently, you clean up the remaining blood on his body with a clean cloth and sanitise the wounds before sealing the area with the gauze.

You couldn’t help but start tearing up again at the thought of him wrapping the gauze around himself on his own. For how long had he been doing this? How many years? How long and how many injuries must it take for one to become a master at bandaging their wounds?

You cannot contain the tears in your eyes as they accidentally drip onto his abdomen. You attempt to hurriedly wipe your eyes but it’s hard to contain them the more you ponder. What you don’t realise is your sniffling and tears have prompted the man to wake up.

“Urgh….why are you crying…?”

His deep raspy voice makes you jump slightly and you aggressively wipe your tears before smiling at him.

“Goodness, you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

You reply, completely ignoring his question. You’re aware he’s watching you as you work on his wounds, bandaging him carefully.

“Urgh…!”

“Ah I’m sorry, does that hurt?”

Worried, you lean closer to him and examine his shoulder carefully. You gently press on it to confirm the pain. He groans again and you give him a small smile.

“It’s a bit tender. Try to relax as much as you can.”

Instead of doing that, he catches your hand and looks at you intently. Your heart skips a beat as you make eye contact with him.

“I need to patch up the last injury on your arm Blade.”

“Stay.”

“I am not going anywhere.”

You reassure him and he nods before closing his eyes and exhaling. It takes a little under a minute for you to wrap up his arm injury and you sigh after you’re done. When you observe his body now, you see more bandages and gauze than his skin and the pang in your chest comes back again.

“…would you like some water Blade?”

You quickly ask since you were afraid you would start crying again. He opens his eyes and looks at you blankly before nodding. As he attempts to sit upright you quickly assist him, placing a hand on his back while the other holds his large one. He observes the shakiness in your hand as you pour him a glass of water and bring it to his lips.

“Drink some.”

The gentleness in your voice soothes him in a way he cannot explain. He complies and drinks the entire glass, all the while maintaining eye contact with you. Suddenly you feel very embarrassed and attempt to distract yourself but when your gaze lands on the chest wound you can’t help but feel sad again.

When he’s done drinking, you place the glass on the nightstand and sigh.

“Are you feeling any better?”

You softly ask as you help him lie down again. He hums and you take that as a yes. Unable to help yourself, you lean closer towards him and brush stray hairs away from his forehead. The proximity between you both makes your heart race but you fail to notice it as you absentmindedly run your fingers through his scalp. The sensation is calming and he finds himself relaxing under your touch. He watches you closely again, observing the tiny frown on your face and your red puffy eyes while you’re busy playing with his hair. He notes that you look exhausted.

“Your eyes are red.”

“Huh? Oh.”

You plaster a smile on your face. 

“Don’t worry about it.”

He didn’t need to know what you were feeling. It was embarrassing and you didn’t want to make things awkward between you both.

“Are you- urgh!”

He groans in discomfort while trying to adjust himself. It’s the wound on his chest that seems to be the problem now.

“Easy there.”

You quickly help him out, checking the bandages again and readjusting them. Beads of sweat form on his forehead and you grab a cold compress from the first aid kit to wipe them away. His breathing pattern is inconsistent as he huffs and sighs from the aching of his body. You check his forehead and it feels warm to the touch which makes you frown.

“Blade I think you have a mild fever.”

“It’s the side effect of the mara.”

“You need to take medicine.”

“There is no need.”

“Are you sure?”

You stare at him sadly and he sighs. You continue to wipe the sweat off his face and neck as he takes shallow breaths.

“Did Kafka send you?”

He manages to ask in between the bouts of pain.

“She did.”

He sighs and intently looks at you.

“When the mara strikes you shouldn’t be next to me.”

“She said she could trust only me with you.”

He scoffs.

“Even so.”

Silence fills the air before he continues.

“Are you hurt anywhere?”

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?”

You jokingly reply only to realise he’s being dead serious when you make eye contact with him.

“I’m ok. I am a healer after all.”

You change the cold compress as you speak and look for a new pack. It is then he notices the slight bruises forming on your arms and the redness around them. Without a word, he grabs your arm and you yelp.

“Hey-?!”

He examines your arms and gazes at you with a look you cannot decipher. You gulp at the intensity of his gaze.

“When exactly did you get here?”

“Blade none of that matters, all that matters is if you’re ok-“

“Did I hurt you?”

You immediately shut your mouth. There are several ways you want to answer the question but nothing comes out.

“I will take that as a yes.”

“Blade please-“

“Why would you risk being around-“

“Because I care for you!”

A sharp exhale leaves your mouth as you realise what you just said. The tears you had been trying to hide so desperately started to flood your eyes again.

“Please. Let it be.”

You whisper slowly while putting away medical supplies. In your peripheral vision, you see him look at you with wide eyes as if unable to understand.

“I am a healer Blade, I will be fine. But I worry for you.”

You gently whisper as you adjust the bedsheets around him and fix his long hair. This time your tears have nowhere to hide as they freely roll down your face. With nothing left to do, you just awkwardly grip the edges of the bedsheet and hang your head low.

“I will give you some space. Rest well.”

The moment you let go of the bedsheet and try to stand up, he immediately clasps your hands tightly and silently demands you to stay.

“Blade?”

“Stay.”

Hesitantly you remain by his bedside and look at him. He doesn’t let go of your hands and continues to peer into your eyes.

“Stay.”

He repeats himself and you sigh.

“Alright.”

He slowly shifts away from you and pats the edge of the bed. Your eyes widen and you look back and forth between him and the bed.

“Are you sure?”

He doesn’t reply and instead gently drags your hands towards him until you have no choice but to sit on the bed. He then proceeds to look at your arms and then at you again.

“You…the fate of those I know is never a good one.”

You intertwine his fingers with yours and tenderly smile at him.

“That will change with me.”

You watch how his eyes widen momentarily before he turns his head away.

“You have a long life ahead of you, young one. Don’t waste it on me.”

Hearing that makes you frown.

“You’re going to have to find better ways to get rid of me then.”

“Mm.”

Silence falls once again. To your surprise, he doesn’t pull his hands away from yours as you rub circles on it. You note how calloused his hands are and the amount of scars littered on them. There is warmth radiating from his palms and it feels comforting and protective.

“Are your wounds still hurting?”

“No.”

“Good.”

You shift around to get a better look at his face.

“Do you feel at ease now?”

“Mmm.”

“Let me know if you feel any discomfort, okay?”

“You need to be more careful when the mara strikes me.”

“…”

“It is reckless of you to be around me even if you are a healer.”

He then turns his head to get a better look at you.

“I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”

You absentmindedly run your fingers through his hair again and sadly smile.

“I hate that you have to deal with this alone Blade…”

You mentally yell at how tears have started forming in your eyes again.

“I hate that you suffer on your own while I spend my days in comfort. I hate that you have to bandage and heal yourself every day all alone. I hate that you’ve grown so accustomed to this life that you do not allow yourself to be loved.”

The tears in your eyes fall on him once again and he grips your other hand tightly. There is a confused look on his face, as if he doesn’t understand why would someone care for him and why would someone feel sorry for him.

“Foolish girl. Why are you crying?”

“Because I-“

You choke on your words and attempt to hide your face by hanging your head but fail to do so. He slowly brings his free hand to cup your face and sighs. His palm completely encapsulates your cheek and you subconsciously lean into it.

“My life is cursed to immortality. It is my sin to bear.”

“Still-!”

“Do not cry. This is a daily affair.”

“Doesn’t it hurt Blade? Even if you’re used to it?”

He takes a deep breath and wipes the tears away from your eyes.

“A sin is a sin. Of five people, three must pay the price. I am one of them.”

You sob harder into his hand, unable to stop yourself from feeling this way.

“Just what sin must one commit to suffer such consequences?” He stops wiping your tears and gazes at you momentarily with an indescribable look in his eyes. You can see how there are thousands of thoughts swarming him as he wonders what to reply. Fearing that you might have overstepped his boundaries, you immediately try to change the topic.

“You don’t have to tell me anything. I just..”

“It is a long story young one. Should you ever have to face the situations I have, do not make the same choices as me.”

“It must be hard to live with such regrets…”

He stares into the distance then hesitantly replies.

“Even if I have regrets, there is no point in pondering about them. There is nothing that can be done.”

“I am sorry…it should be me looking after you, not the other way around…”

You manage to say in between your hiccups. He continues to wipe the tears from your face and gives you a small smile. Seeing him smile makes your heart skip a beat and you can’t help but give him one in return.

“You need to rest.”

“So do you.”

“I am already resting.”

“I can rest later.”

He sighs at your stubbornness. You giggle a little and squeeze his hand, reassuring him you would be fine. A little chit-chat later, Blade falls asleep from your rhythmic playing of his hair while still holding your hand. There is a large silly smile on your face as you look over him lovingly.

Your tears have dried and the aching in your heart has calmed down. In his lifetime, you may not be able to take his curse away but the least you could do was to be by his side in times of need. If the Aeons were kind enough to you, perhaps in the future you could be his woman. There is a strange feeling of determination that burns in your chest as you hold onto his hand tighter and stroke his hair. You silently stare at his peaceful face, mentally tracing his handsome features as he takes slow deep breaths. The thumping of your heart grows louder with each passing second.

I would do anything for you Blade. Anything. ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ ©mm-lurking 2024 do not copy, steal or reuse my work.

[heart-of-the-morningstar]

Brand New One Shot - Second Preview

I cooked a little :3c

Warning for masturbation!

You made your way up to his tower, replaying the scene in the lobby over and over in your head. Things were going well, weren’t they? He seemed so apologetic when you told him how you felt. And then he just…disappeared like he always does. You really didn’t mean to push the issue, but perhaps you came on a little strong. Plus your rescue of him was a little more than awkward. Not that you minded the closeness, even if it was fleeting. The picture of his head resting against your chest flashed in your mind repeatedly. You could feel the heat rise to your cheeks once more as you were now mere steps from Lucifer’s door.

Focus, you mentally scolded yourself, can’t think about that. It was an accident! It won’t happen again so just…focus. No wonder he ran!

You stood in front of his door now, your knees somehow weaker than they were a moment ago. Those mental images really didn’t help at all. With a deep inhale, you went to knock, but you stopped short when you heard something from beyond the door. You heard your name.

What?, you thought, How…How did he know I was here? Lucifer didn’t sound angry fortunately, but the inflection in his voice made him sound almost sad. And…breathless? You cracked open the door slowly, a little embarrassed at being caught. You went to open your mouth to apologize for the intrusion, but not even a whisper left your lips. Because what you saw in that room left you completely and utterly frozen where you stood.

Lucifer, the great ruler of Hell, was propped up against the obscene amount of pillows on his bed with his pants pooled at his ankles, his very much erect dick in his hand. His eyes were shut, he hadn’t seen you catch him in this extremely vulnerable state.

Run, run, run, RUN! your mind screamed. Everything in your brain was telling you to shut that door and get out of there as fast as you could. But your body refused to react, you remained motionless. You were completely entranced by the scene before you. You watched as Lucifer stroked his cock, mumbling a number of curse words with your name leaving his lips like a prayer.

“Hnng, G-God damn it-ffffuuuccckk….” Lucifer mumbled, his hand gradually picking up the pace as he stoked his shaft.

You tried to wrap your head around what you were seeing, but you were coming up blank. You couldn't believe this. He’s…He’s touching himself…to me?!? How is this…? Why would he…? Your brain was a jumbled mess at this point. It was really beyond your comprehension. You felt tension pool in your stomach at the sight of him becoming undone at the mere thought of you. The sinful sounds he was making went straight between your thighs, to the point where it became uncomfortable that you weren’t giving yourself any attention. The tiniest bit of you wanted to push open that door and give him what he really desired. But before you even begin to think about acting on your carnal instincts, you watched Lucifer's hips bucked up as he came all over his hand. It took every fiber of your being to hold in a whimper that threatened to escape your throat.

Lucifer’s breathing was labored, you watched him toss his arm over his eyes and throw his head back on the pillows. "What the hell is wrong with me?!" you heard him ask. "Why am I doing this?! It’s been months now and I’ve barely had a normal conversation with her! And of course the only time I’ve really talked to her was after my damn head was forced against her…her…s-shit.” He waved his hand, a tissue appearing between his fingers. You watched as he cleaned himself up, thankful that he still hadn’t looked towards his door. Lucifer kicked himself out of his pant and swung his legs over the side of the bed, his head hanging low. “And what an absolutely fantastic exit I made! “Sorry, gotta go! My dick is hard as a rock right now because of you!” Great job, Lucifer! No wonder she thinks I don’t want her here!” He sighed heavily. “I can’t do this anymore. This isn’t right. I need to stop being a coward and just tell her how she makes me feel…”

A small gasp escaped your lips. Fuck.

Lucifer's head shot up immediately, his panicked eyes fixating on the door. You didn't even close it behind you as you took off sprinting down the hall, praying to anyone who could hear you that he didn't see you. You didn’t stop running til you made it back to your room, slamming the door behind you. Your knees gave out from under you as you dropped to the floor. In that second, it all clicked for you. Why Lucifer seemed to avoid you at every turn, why he tripped over his words when he spoke to you, and why he practically begged you not to leave the hotel.

Lucifer liked you. Lucifer really liked you. That thought alone could have made you scream if you weren’t trying desperately to hold yourself together. And it’s not like you didn’t have passing thoughts about him. He was gorgeous, after all. But not only that, you saw how he acted with the others at the hotel. He was sweet, and silly, and fun, even though you never got to experience it first hand. Now you knew where Charlie had gotten it from.

But of course those thoughts never stayed. He didn’t like you, right? So instead of wallowing in what could never be, you thought it best not to dwell. But now…now those thoughts were coming back in full force. The aching between your legs only grew as the very fresh images of Lucifer naked and moaning in his bed flooded your mind.

There was a knock at the door.

[brucewaynehater101]

Adding on to my previous ask, what do you think the others reaction to finding out about why Tim cut his hair and/or what it meant to him?

I feel like dick would feel so sad for ti and what he lost

Jason would feel even more regretful about the tower for the hair

Damian and Bruce I'm not sure

Cass would try to convince to grow his hair back again

(he never grew it out cause he didn't feel safe enough to do so)

Sorry if it's incomprehensible, I wrote with my face half squished into my pillow cause I had to get the thought out before I could fall asleep

For anyone wanting to read the OG post, here

Tim, in this AU, usually kept his hair up. Therefore, it's not a stretch to say he didn't tell the others how vital his hair was to his self-worth, connection to his parents, or reassurance that he's loved. Perhaps, in their ignorance, they even made comments on how Tim keeps his hair so long or seems to spend longer getting ready. It was meant as light-hearted teasing because they didn't know just how important his hair is to him.

The reveal for this AU depends on how much drama, tension, and angst you want.

Does it happen immediately after? If so, it might take awhile for Jason or Damian to care (just cause they don't like Tim at this point). There might be a wee bit of "damn" in their minds, but they have the realization much latter of how fucked up it was.

Does it happen after Tim has already forgiven Jason? Jason may not realize it's something he needs to apologize for and goes through the angst of thinking they aren't doing as good as he thought. Tim doesn't blame Jason because Tim made the choice to cut his hair. He was upset, which he's over by this point, but he never blamed Jason. However, Jason now blames himself and will need to work to forgive himself.

Now. How do the Bats respond/feel about this reveal?

As far as Dick and Damian, have you read the fic "Mama Bird (but its your big brother ready to fight god)" by Yellow_sprouts? The fic is by a Tumblr account I adore on here @batfambrainrotbeloved. Anyways, I love their concepts for chapter 4 here. It examines how Dick and Damian, due to their cultures and upbringing, see hair as something to cherish and spend time taking care of.

While in this hc/au I didn't tie Tim's feelings about his hair to cultural/spiritual beliefs, feel free to hc that. On the other hand, I feel like Damian and Dick might understand more or differently due to their own cultural thoughts about hair. Even if Tim's treatment and care of his hair isn't related to cultural beliefs, they might still understand just how important it is (especially if they grew up with their own loved ones [Mary and John Grayson and Talia] washing their hair, taking time to teach them about different products/treatment, and making the entire process a bonding/loving moment). It would be a huge deal if, after Damian and Tim start getting along, Damian offers to help Tim with his hair (which has grown quite a bit by this time).

Jason can also be tied into the cultural understanding if you'd like, or he could just process it as taking another thing from Tim he didn't realize was precious. If Jason also comes from a culture that cherishes hair, lots of angst to be explored there (maybe his feelings about commiting such a taboo but originally justifying it because hair probably doesn't mean the same thing to Tim). Jason having cultural or spiritual ties to hair could also fuck with his mental state and that white stripe. How can he do his self-care routines to the reminder of all that he's suffered through?

Cass has known from the beginning how much Tim's hair means to him. For timeline sake, let's say she appeared to the Bats after TT (otherwise, she would have hunted Jason down to beat his ass up). The two of them from the start use hair as a way to bond.

David Cain probably never taught Cass to value herself in that way. It's nice for Tim and Cass because no words are needed. They can feel the love and comfort through the actions and soft touches. Cass is taught to value herself, that even something like her hair is worthy of time and dedication. She is human, even down to her hair follicles.

This act has nothing to do with her abilities. While she should feel pride and accomplishment for the strength it took to utilize abilities given to her through pain/abuse into something for herself, this activity is about Cass being herself. Tim cares about her and wants to show her that no matter what she can and can't do. Cass is gone often like Tim's parents, but this moment of hair care is a constant reassurance of theirs.

Steph and Babs find out later. Maybe they are told about it by Cass sooner than the big reveal, but they don't tie it to what happened at TT. They also don't want to intrude on the intimate familial bonding of Tim and Cass during this moment, so they never try to invite themselves to it. After the reveal, Barbara invites Tim, Cass, and Steph over for a self-care day. It's not necessarily about hair (so as to not pressure Tim to share), but Tim appreciates the gesture.

Bruce depends on if he's a good dad or not in this.

For good dad Bruce, he is the definition of "doesn't really understand but trying." He stalks the Drakes' old finance records to find out what products they used to keep some in stock at the Manor. He does a ton of research on hair care and cultures (and ends up learning about how it might be important to Dick and Damian). He may be a bit overbearing and cross boundaries (by inserting himself into Tim's routine), but he is trying. After Tim tells him to back off, he does.

For Bad Dad Bruce, he's an asshole about it. Maybe he makes some comment about how Tim shouldn't keep his hair long anyways since it's a liability >:(

Tim probably can't get himself to allow it to grow long again until Bruce gets lost in the timestream. By virtue of simply not having enough time to cut it properly, it grows out. He almost cuts it off before he returns to Gotham, but he remembers how happy Cass was for him that it was long again.

[kisscara]

am i sinking or swimming? [scaramouche x gn!reader] ⎯⎯ fatui!scaramouche, angst, no comfort, toxic relationship, blood

songfic based off of late night drive home's song stress relief

his words shook you to your core.

this wasn't kunikuzushi. where did you go wrong? you stood by his side and felt his pain every time he lost a close one to him and yet he chose to turn into this... this monster. he was never home and whenever he was, he acted as if you didn't exist. he acted as if you were there for, what, emotional support?

scaramouche talked to you when he felt like it. when he felt like he was about to lose it, his mind flooding with the heart wrenching memories of them. it's always been them, but never you. why can't he see you? he says something along these lines during these moments. "(name), what do i do? i can't do this anymore."

were you his lover, or his therapist?

you gnaw down on your bottom lip, restraining pained sobs as you soothe your husband from behind him with your hands comfortingly rubbing his shoulders. "it's okay, kunikuzushi. you're okay, because i'm going to be here with you," you reassure him, planting a kiss against his tear stained face.

scaramouche's fist ball up the sheets of the bed as tears continue to pour from his eyes. without looking at you, he turns around and holds you in his embrace. "you won't leave me, right?" his voice is small and full of sorrow. one would think he was manipulating you in this situation and in this case, maybe he was.

your eyes widen. oh, oh no, what were you thinking? your poor lover was just in a hard place at the moment, so of course he holds mutual feelings for you, he's just feeling down! it's your job to help him find his happiness again and he'll go back to his old loving self.

his loving self...

it's stress relief from everything.

what exactly is his happiness? right, letting him take out his anger on you. after that, he'll definitely apologize and go back to loving you. he says the most hurtful things and his words slice like a blade. you could say that if his phrases were physically harming you, you'd be six feet under.

it's okay, because this is his way of coping. it's not the healthiest way, sure, but would you rather have the only important person to you feeling sad and lonely? no. no one would want that. you went through his mental abuse in a state of being completely lovesick with the man.

it will strengthen your bond with him and show him that you're never leaving, that he can finally put his trust in you and see you as his spouse. how much can you take though?

your friends always tell you stories about their spouse, from how they cook, to the type of plans they make for dates... it's endless. and whenever the conversation puts you on the spotlight, you're speechless. what would you tell them about your beloved kunikuzushi?

"he's sweet like usual..."

they would playfully laugh at your comment.

"that's what you said last time, (name)! come on, anything new? are you guys going on a date sometime?"

you simply shake your head and direct the topic of the conversation elsewhere.

tell me, tell me you love me.

you're on your knees of the living room in your shared house with scaramouche, hands against the floor as broken sobs break past your lips. how long have you been holding this in? how long... has he been holding back the urge to hurt you?

scaramouche blankly stares at the hand that roughly grabbed your arm before moving his gaze to your figure. his nails had dug deep into your flawless skin, creating bloody crescent marks. hesitant, he moves towards you with one step, and then two...

"sorry, (name), but i have to go back to my fatui duties."

of course. you'd expect nothing less of your loving husband. "is that all, kunikuzushi?" you croak out, voice scratchy from your cries. scaramouche narrows his eyes. "you were willing to take this head-on, weren't you? so take what you bargained for." his gaze lingers upon you for a few moments before he leaves the house.

you cry out in anguish. you aren't sure whether it's because of the pain he inflicted upon you, or the feeling of your heart being torn apart by his ruthless hands. you stagger to the kitchen, hastily running your wound beneath cold water and wincing at the sting. you wrap it with bandages and heave large breaths.

"i can't... i can't do this anymore!" you groan and wipe at your tears but they just kept on coming like an endless waterfall. "i've done all that i can for you, but i can't do this, kunikuzushi."

you were right all along. you're a toy to him. a toy to satisfy his greedy needs and wants as he lulled you into staying by triggering your guilt with his hypnotizing voice and solemn cries. you're a toy that he never cared for. but if that toy were to be taken from him, would he contemplate the way he treated it then?

come back, come back to haunt me.

scaramouche returned home with bandages. he just couldn't find the person he needed to put the bandages on. he wandered around the house for quite a while, thinking nothing of it. he brushes it off; you probably went down to inazuma city to see your friends.

he goes into the kitchen to put the bandages away, but finds an empty roll of bandages on the counter. oh. 'i guess they won't be needing this anymore then,' scaramouche thought to himself, putting the bandages into the cabinet and tossing the roll aside.

scaramouche goes back outside and decides to wait for you. he hopefully removes his hat from his head so you could see his face first thing when he caught you in sight.

soon enough, night falls. he rubs his eye with one hand, the other one sore and aching from holding his heavy hat. he won't go back inside until he's seen you. like any other dilemma the two of you had, he'll apologize and console you with his words as you fall asleep in his arms.

that day would never come for him, not again.

won't you, won't you let me be myself?

"have you seen..." his voice trails off when he realizes the looks of disgust your friends give him. his eyes go dark as they continue to whisper, acting as if he wasn't there.

"i feel bad for them but seriously, a harbinger?"

"it's fine, we should look after them. i'm glad they finally told us about him, it's no wonder they were so off lately."

scaramouche's shoulders sink. "s-so, you know where they are, right? can you please tell me, i just want to talk-" he's stammering in between gasps, not even realizing he's on the verge of bursting into tears. one of them grimaces at his look of agony. "leave them alone, you've done enough damage to them."

if scaramouche, had a heart, he swore it would have skipped a beat in that moment. "damage? no, no, you must be mistaken! i love them!" scaramouche's temper began to rise. who were they to tell him how you felt for him?

"stop it, please. they told us to tell you that they don't want to carry on with this relationship."

"archons, they were right, he really would chase after them. what a psycho..."

scaramouche felt the air knock out of his lungs almost instantly. 'they've got it all wrong, we're going to be okay, (name). i love you, i love you, i love you-' he stands there, watching your friends leave him heartbroken and in pain.

i was holding on but you didn't see my shots baby.

"i'm going to make it up to you, but i don't want to sleep alone." scaramouche whimpers to himself, curling into a pathetic position on the cold bed. his hands cover his ears as he shudders, startling from the booming noise of thunder and the creaking of the house.

his eyes are tightly shut, scared that if he opened them, he would see a horrid figure in the dark. what a child...

he blindly reaches around for your hand like he usually did, to tightly squeeze it to reassure him that you were there; you would keep him safe from any dangers within the night. you even said it yourself. "i may not have your strength, but i'm good at handling the night, alright? whatever scares you, i'll take care of you."

"take care of me, (name)... stay with me..."

all the times that I couldn't speak my thoughts well maybe.

at the tsaritsa's palace, scaramouche's fatui subordinates would be lying if they said the balladeer wasn't different. his eyes clearly showed signs of exhaustion and he was much too tired to even shout at them for a change. they thought he was a total ghost.

always moping around, mumbling your name and writing what seemed to be countless letters. it went from asking you about your day, to telling you about his day, to him writing paragraphs of apologies and so, so many 'i love you's.

whenever one of the fatui subordinates were in his office, he'd suddenly smile with empty eyes and ask, "do you have a partner or a spouse, perhaps?" scaramouche would lean back in his chair and add, "i have my own spouse. you see, they're very special because they love me even though i messed up a lot."

"i love them more than they love me. do you agree?" scaramouche would tilt his head and his aura sent shivers down the subordinate's spine. say no, he dares them.

for now, he hasn't chosen to send out a search party for you because he wanted to prove that he wasn't a psycho like your rude friend said. but still, the pain was eating away at him. every sleepless night and the guilt that was weighing him down was catching up to his mental health.

well this is what i wanted please don't feel so bad.

give him another chance. he's laying in bed and staring at the ceiling, mindlessly muttering, "our anniversary is soon. we can go anywhere you like. i have a special surprise too, so you better look forward to it and tonight, i can stay home. the tsaritsa told me to go on a break for today since..."

scaramouche turns on his side and closes his eyes. "i don't really know, but it's fine. we can have a date and i'll show all of your friends that i'm much more better than their spouses. or maybe, we can stay home and i'll cook for you. you never tasted my cooking before, but it's good, i promise you."

little conversations with no one. he hates the reality of his life and he wants nothing more than to be with you. he wouldn't care if you shouted at him or hurt him; seeing you was more than enough.

"you didn't like it when i talked about them, right? i'll talk about you, and only you this time, i promise..."

in love with a ghost please won't you come back...

© kisscara