#i wont its bad it hurts you both physically and mentally yeah yeah yeah BUT WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT

[boonasaurusrex]

I feel like the fucking Patrick meme

"Your Specific Acronym is defined by wild swings from extreme highs to very low lows"

"Yes."

"You were diagnosed because you exhibit these behaviors."

"Yep."

"The medication you've been prescribed helps to level those swings"

"Absolutely."

"The medication has been having less of an effect recently."

"Yeah, I made an appointment to get them readjusted"

"That means the old behaviors are coming back."

"Yep, on it"

"You've been riding a strong high for the past several days"

"Uh huh"

"Which means a low is coming and is simply a symtom of The Illness"

"No actually I'm just physically repulsive and incapable of love and all of my coworkers (not friends because I can't make friends) hate me and are mocking me at every turn and I'll never make a human connection again in my life because I'm so repulsive and weird and isolated. These are intrinsic truths that have nothing to do with current events :)))))))))"

[sharpth1ng]

Will Stu ever talk about his neglectful unloving parents? What do you think that would that look like? What if it’s a particularly bad day and that just cuts a little too deep and spills out in a very ugly messy way. OMFG after the Debaser season one ending and between season two that would such a golden opportunity for this particular thing to take place. Imagine it after everything. The world believes Stu and Billy went through a fucking nightmare because of Sidney and the massacre. Ya know being sole survivors and all. The damage done to both of them both physically and mentally because of it. Yet Stu’s parents immediately fall back into their own neglectful borderline downright cruel ways. Meanwhile all Stu has truly left is Billy and potentially somewhat Nancy by default. Billy’s family situation improved, but poor love Mutt is still stuck in his. HNNNG. Sorry for the messy ramble. Just came to me while writing this ask.

Some spoilers for Wave of Mutilation (Debaser sequel) below

Yeah, some of that is going to get touched on in the sequel, although its more something that Stu and Leslie will talk about. That said I think what he experiences is more of a grim acceptance. It's been like this forever. It hurts but he's more disappointed than heartbroken.

Its uhhhhhh........ bold of you to assume Billy is sticking around though 😬 I know he was there when he woke up but now that he's awake Billy has to actually confront shit. Like he thought he lost Stu, but now that he's alive? Billy thinks this is his chance to "fix" himself. He might have admitted that he has feelings, but he still believes that those feelings are weakness that he shouldn't have, and he's taken his own reaction to Stu's near death as proof of that. He thinks it's a wake up call.

Billy doesn't trust himself. He didn't feel in control during the finale, and that almost cost Stu his life

Billy thinks that Stu being alive is a second chance for him to get over it, so he's not completely fucked up if/when Stu dies for real

I WAS NOT LYING WHEN I SAID THE SEQUEL WOULD BE ANGSTY.

Don't worry they wont stay broken up forever, they will still be fucking, but the relationship needs a renegotiation and theyre both going through shit

[nxdxxh3]

Hello.

I have not posted or reblog or whatever these things are called nowadays. Anyways, I bet no one reads this cus i just wanna give a life update to myself lmao.

I stopped visiting tumblr probably more than 5 years ago?? So around 2018 probably. Oh wow. Okay imma make a timeline then.

2018: I was with my ex boyfriend. Lets just call him A. Things started great then went downhill and i ignored all the red flags yadda yadda yadda typical young girl thats so positive im gonna end up with this guy. Well no. If i could turn back time, i would slap myself in the face and tell her to run. I actually cant remember much back then as im trying to forget everything 2020 and below. But what i did remember is how manipulative he is and a liar. But, i was in "love". I started my diploma this year and graduated already in 2019. We'll get to that year in a second. Anyways, he practically talked me into being with him rather than this really great dude i was dating before him and mind you he had a gf. In my defense, i didnt know as i said earlier, hes manipulative and a liar. The dude before him is from singapore and i was young and thought LDR wont work on me(boy i was wrong.) I needed the physical attention cus well, i was young.. But im glad i did met him physically cus we planned to meet in Johor and it was sweet. okay that got sidetracked but 2018 is like the 2nd year i was with A. During this year, it really went downhill. I started to fall into deep depression and my mental health was bad bad. Thats when i felt i wanted to unalive myself and hurt myself. and i did. the latter i mean. anyways he started working somewhere and i actually was sus about this bitch working there as well. Lets call her S for slut.

2019: Fast forward to 2019. This is the year i got a cyst on my left ovary. Due to reasons i rather not say but i will answer if by any chance someone read this and are curious so go ahead inbox me i guess. But definitely A was contributing to it. Whether directly or indirectly. So yeah, during that time it was bad. I lost my left ovary and i only have 1 now. How i found out you ask? (no one asked but) I had really unbearable pain on my abdominal area. The uterus area like non stop. I thought its the period cramps but i wasnt on my period that time at all. I found out a bit late so the cyst grew until 12cm and i saw it after the removal. Its the size of a baby's head! im not even exaggerating. Its really big. Anyways after the surgery, my family has been there for me. They're really the main reason why im still alive and well mentally and physically. That was in July. and i cant remember anything before that. so lets move on. Towards the end of the year, i found out that A was cheating on me. Not 1, but with 2 different girls. 1 is S and 1 is F. These random ass letters will get me confused but nvm. F is the ex gf. and the funny thing is, F was friends, best friends with S. LMAO. When i found out, the first thing i did was exposing him on my instagram sksk. I cant do anything and im not gonna stay quiet about it. so i just did that. and a lot of people came forward exposing more about him and S. So hes really active with S. Hes been going out, fucking her and F behind my back. and they both dont know about each other's situation btw until F saw my insta story and contacted me to meet up. and we did and i told her everything. all this time A was badmouthing me to his side pieces saying how much of a psycho i am, how i always beg him to stay (fuck no ew i always ask for break ups but he always have a way for words and actions). Like i said, hes manipulative and a liar. the fact he had the audacity to ask me to not stay mad for long as if im still gonna be part of this shitty hole. fuck no. i did confront S at that time and bro i really felt like i wanted to slap her face and drag her across the road but hey hes not that fucking worth it for me to do that. I complete left the whole fiasco and stayed friends with F lmao. shes cool. but sometimes dumb bcs she still stayed with him after everything. although that time A already went public with S he can still manipulated F somehow. A ended up marrying S tho. and side note, i gave A a fossil watch and it was fucking expensive. and he told F he bought it himself lmao. fucker. oh and he often take advantage on me asking me to pay for shit. he did pay sometimes but restaurants that are expensive, i paid. he paid for mamak, hawker stalls and what not lmao. So that ended. And i ended up celebrating new years alone and i fucking glad i did.

2020 -2021 July: So uuh covid came. And i met this dude on May 2020. How? me and my discord friends that i met during covid were planning to meet up and hes one of them who tags along. He just broke up with his ex gf 2-3 days ago that time. How he approached me, he kissed me creepily and suddenly while me and him was alone in a house i rented before covid during my degree. Now that i think back, it was creepy. He said "what if i attacked you right now". LIKE WTF? WHO SAYS THAT. Then he suddenly kissed me. i did not know how to de-escalated the situation. so i just let it slide. we just met for 2 hours btw. and he keeps on asking for a kiss afterwards too. on the way back from the outing, i have to send him back and he did not have a license btw. All the way back, he keeps on asking wanting to kiss me again (of course i said no) and hold my hand (this one i was ok with it although i was so uncomfortable). It was so creepy dude. I dont know if those things counts as assault or not cus i kinda just went along with it but i was uncomfy. Anyways, hes unhygienic, kinda narcissistic also have anger issues. Everytime we played games together, i cant enjoy shit bcs he keeps on tilting and screaming at randoms. (sometimes he tilts on me) I also have to pick him up and send him back after all of our dates. it was a mess. I learned the hard way after agreeing to date him. but during my relationship with him, im the fucked up one. i owned up to my mistakes and im not gonna leave this part out from this timeline. i cheated on him with some random dude. and i wont justify my actions. cheating is still cheating. he did gave me a second chance and i swear to god i did try my best to be better. i don't blame him for acting more suspicious of me and blaming me for everything. but it gets worse and i got tired. i honestly thought i should've just left instead of asking for a second chance. i realized the reason why i asked for a second chance is just to make up for it. bcs i felt bad. and that's not something i should've done. i should've just left and let him healed. trust me that came up a lot of times but seems like he doesn't want us to end either. so the unhappy and most depressing phase of our relationship got dragged until august 2021.

2021 August: I finally had the courage to end things with him for good. Bcs we both tried to move on from the incident but hes not doing well on his end. He still accused me of things that i didn't do. Question everything i did and yes i got tired. again i don't blame him but Its getting unhealthy and toxic for both of us. He keeps on saying he trusts me and i have become better but still act like we're back to square one. I called quits and he doesn't want to in the beginning. But then i had to lie telling him i have another person in my life. and that was his last straw. He screamed and yelled at me and just ended there like that. I felt bad but i cant stay again bcs i felt bad. Its not right.

2021 September - Present: These timelines are getting me confused ngl cus i really cant remember the exact time. anyways before i broke up with my previous bf, i was in another different circle of friends. I spent most of my time there while trying to escape him. i thought maybe if i distant myself its a lot more easier for me to leave and him to forget me. but yea during that time we actually fought a lot bcs of that. so after the break up i spent all of my time there. and i met this random singaporean dude. we spent all night talking and exchanging songs that we like and watching sitcoms. i remember our first show was The Good Place. Our discord server name is The Good Place where we hang a lot. (ldr things) and yes he knows about my past from A to Z. Basically everything i have wrote so far. We played valorant a lot tgt. I know i know, very short amount of time meeting someone new. but bro he hits different. its definitely the rush, the chasing, the butterflies. i haven't felt like that for a while and well, its bcs of my own fault too. i admit everything happens so fast like very fast. so we start really getting to know each other after dating which is weird and can lead to an easy break up especially we're doing long distance. but im not losing this dude. so i said, fuck it. he did say that he scared long distance would be hard but hes willing to try. i did it before and i want to be better. especially for a guy like him. 2 years has passed and today, 13th April 2023, we're still together and getting engage hopefully end of this year. Life has been great since i met him. Everything is different. he accepts me for who i am, we finish each other's dark humors/jokes. We facetime everyday and never get tired of seeing each other. He met my family and i met his. Although we ldr, we make it work. There's ups and down of course and mostly bcs of me lmao cus i self sabotage a lot liddat. but im working on it. and also, i suck at communicating. mostly bcs i usually keep things to myself during my past relationships. but that's what im working on right now and i hope im doing well. besides that, i am finally content and happy. Not a day goes by i never thought of him. I truly love him and i cant wait for what the future holds for us.

Thanks for reading guys. (im probably talking alone rn)

[murlocks]

hello I'm your competitor in the failboy contest and please tell me about Jeremy I want to hear about your cringefail vampire guy if you're okay talking about him

HI okay yes im always okay talking about him i made a propaganda post abt him but i can probably think up more to say i always have more to say about him

first things first: i hate him. (/pos) i want to wrap him in a rug and roll him down a flight of stairs he is an absolute wet paper bag of a man and i am never not thinking about him.

hes an absolute pussy but hes also an adrenaline junkie so he purposefully provokes his murderous cannibalistic vultureguy boyfriend simply for the entertainment. hes gay and god wont let him die so he finds getting an attractive man to try and kill him quite the emotionally fulfilling activity. asher (his boyfriend) is a little bit fucked up (/pos) so he goes along with it but they both know jeremy will be completely fine its stress relief for both of them tbh

second: some backstory. fair warning for like . vampire-typical religious trauma?? i dunno tbh

he was raised in like . a classic religious town and he was very much a juvenile delinquent so ppl around town didnt really like him and it only got worse when he got turned bc of course everyone in that town was raised to think that vampires were horrible abominations that go against god or whatever stupid shit you can think of theyve probably been taught that. so he kinda internalized all that and obviously when he got turned against his will he had a horrible crisis of faith and was questioning what he did to deserve this fate. obviously if vampires are bad and hes a vampire that means hes bad and he did something to deserve getting turned into one. yeah that boys a little fucked up in the head.

he got chased out of town once he was discovered to be a vampire. after he got turned, he went back home and locked himself away for about a week trying to process it and didnt come out bc he felt like shit physically (obviously, he literally just died and got turned into a vampire, i would feel a little ill about it too) but eventually his like . one singular friend he had in town came to check on him because hed been missing for a while and he told them everything because he thought he could trust them, he told them "there was this guy who attacked me a couple nights ago and i passed out and i woke up in the middle of the street the next morning and the sun hurt and ive been so hungry ever since but none of the food ive eaten has helped and i dont know whats going on. everything hurts and i feel so sick i dont know whats wrong" and his friend is like. Oh. Oh Fuck . and they run off under the guise of finding him medicine/food/whatever but of course instead of doing what they said they would they go straight to one of the towns religious leaders and they gather up a bunch of people to either kill him or chase him out of town.

he escapes, narrowly, but now hes got nowhere to go. hes never left his little town, he has no family or friends to go to, hes basically screwed. he finds himself wandering for days on end just kinda contemplating his life (and beating himself up for getting turned in the first place, because OBVIOUSLY its gotta be his fault somehow. he mustve done something wrong for his friend to be so eager and ready to turn on him its gotta be his fault) and eventually he stumbles upon this little desert town in the middle of nowhere. theres a big old abandoned mansion on a cliff overlooking the town, and, of course, jeremy, the overdramatic (like, theater kid levels of dramatic) idiot that he is, goes, "oh! thats perfect! ill live there!"

and he lives there pretty much undisturbed for approximately 20 years. he has absolutely zero human contact because hes scared of hurting people and he subsists off animal blood from the meager livestock the townspeople own. hes not doing too hot mentally of course, hes a trainwreck with literally nothing to do but sit alone in his house and listen to his own thoughts, but he survives, at least.

until, one day, asher, (my boyfriends oc), one very curious citizen of the nearby town, accepts a dare to go explore the abandoned mansion at the top of the cliff. theres rumors spreading that its haunted, and surely he would earn some respect from his peers if he could survive a night there, right? he can prove theres nothing too dangerous there at all.

until he opens the door. and awakens a very disgruntled vampire from his midday nap.

and the rest is history.

part three: boyfriend endeavors. serious warning for violence and vampire-typical "cannibalism" and less vampire-typical Actual Fucking Cannibalism. also fair warning jeremy and ashers relationship dynamic is more than a little fucked up but theyre both aware of it and its all fully consensual because they are both more than a little fucked up

for a while, they both believe the other is a Completely Normal Guy (albeit, asher is a seemingly Normal Guy with massive fuck-off bird wings and jeremy is. well hes jeremy, but still) until one night jeremy is out and about trying to find some source of food in the town, climbing across rooftops and shit and all of a sudden he stumbles upon asher, elbows deep in a human corpse and absolutely covered in blood. he has the end of a bone sticking out of his mouth. this is completely normal Asher Behavior but jeremy is not aware of that. he loses his footing on the roof he is standing on and goes tumbling down into the street.

asher turns around to look at him and hes got this crazed look on his face and jeremy is just staring at him trying to figure out what the fuck hes supposed to say in this situation because he just fucking walked in on his one and only friend literally Eating A Person but he has no room to judge and asher looks more attractive covered in blood than he has any right to be and jeremy does not have time to unpack all that.

so, after a solid minute of staring at each other, jeremy goes "so. uh. you gonna finish that?" and asher bursts out laughing.

he explains his whole vampire situation and asher explains that he does not have any such situation hes just a bit fucked up and he enjoys eating bones. you know what, fuck it, hes a vulture guy, it makes sense. kinda. whatever. jeremy cant judge.

at this point in time, jeremy is still very much ashamed of who and what he is. he is more than aware that the animal blood he is surviving off of is not very nutritious whatsoever and if he wants any type of proper quality of life hes gonna have to feed off of an actual human person someday. hes not looking forward to it. but asher is just?? fucking sitting there?? eating literal human bones just because he feels like it????? and jeremy doesnt know how to process that. hes morally opposed to it but instinctually he knows thats what he should be doing. and from there on out asher actively endeavors to get jeremy to be less catholic guilt-y about the whole thing. he genuinely doesnt give a fuck and it gives him a headache to see jeremy being all stressed about it so he makes it his life mission to absolutely destroy that boys morals. and it works. it fucking works.

asher is such a horrible influence and he has made jeremy so much worse from an outsider standpoint but jeremys mental health is so much better with ashers involvement in his life and theyre so horrible for each other but theyre also a perfect match. they drive me insane.

ive probably missed a lot in this post and i have so much more i could say about him and asher but thats whats on my brain right now. theyre both so fucked up i hate them (/pos)

[dyketubbo]

im rewatching doomsday (comps of all povs of course) and. yeah i just.. feel bad for the lmanburgians. i dont know how i could just. say these people deserved it, when they all sound, panicked and desperate and so so fucking sad. long long ramble under the cut as i recount the events and pick out a bunch of little things

even the day before then is painful. ranboos panic room. ranboo and tubbos talk (tubbo admitting that hes wrong, saying he believes that history is repeating itself and trusting ranboo because he believes in his loyalty), fundy showing the ring toss. tubbos surprise at being told to kill dream before stating that quackity would be in control if he didnt (god, did he plan to fail?). tommy being so so excited. everyone playing ring toss and cheering on jack. tommy still believing in tubbo. tubbo panicking. ranboo and tommy and techno talking, ranboo giving them info. dream placing walls and quackity instructing tubbo on where to kill dream. dream lying about the community house. the entire community house debacle. just, everything.

and then doomsday itself. having to frantically get there because it started early, tubbo only having diamond armor to protect him, fundy standing still after he sabotaged them. tubbo and ranboos genuine despair about the apiary.

tubbo eventually going nonverbal and actively putting himself in danger, not even moving away from techno at first and getting in the way of the firework launcher. tubbo trying to save tommy from the fireworks, ponks broken "dont come over here!" after she was trying to save his cat, tommys face falling and desperate attempts at convincing techno, ranboo going "its all gone", niki spiralling and silently burning down the tree, quackitys pure anger. all the death messages.

jack going "what is there left to protect", tommy brokenly trying to accept that its gone as tubbo and quackity blankly do accept it. jack going "i lost everything again". tommy desperately trying to understand dream, on the verge of tears as he asks why dream didnt just hurt him. his low health and food as hes unable to do anything anymore, his quiet gasp as he spots ghostbur, tubbos tiny shake of his head when dream says dream and tommys story wont be over.

tubbo and quackity breaking the repeaters. ghostburs "i didnt even know we were fighting". ghostbur finding out phil let friend die, hes pained "phil? but i- i gave, i gave phil to look after. and dream found me friend, and technoblade said we were friends", tommys pained talk about technoblade. "we were never his friend. to him, all of this was just an act of politics, an act of clout and a-a social ladder, and you won't remember. tubbo you will, and to you big q, this was a friendship. but to technoblade, this was a ladder. and techno climbed to the tippity talk. do you wanna know the only way you can go? on the ladder? -- and once you reach the top of the ladder tubbo, you can only go down."

quackity asking to sing the anthem again, him strumming as ghostbur sings (and tubbo and tommy joining in). ghostbur forgetting the second verse because it blew up. quackity remembering it, them stumbling through it. tommys "tubbo? im so so sorry", tubbos quiet "its okay." the four all singing together. tubbo looking at the lava with an ender pearl in his hand, tommy correcting quackity and going "our l'manburg". ghostburs speech about friend, about people not taking him seriously just because he has memory loss.

meanwhile.. phil and techno were laughing. cracking jokes. phil mocks them as he spawns withers on the apiary, going "ohhh noo not the bees!". techno shouts at tommy and shoots at him and tubbo. he kills jack and doesnt even notice that it was one of his lives lost. jacks death itself proves that it doesnt take any particular intent, doesnt have to mean anything to the killer. techno and phil were willing to kill people. it would be foolish of them to act as if there were no risks in the terms of canon lives, especially with phil. phil doesnt take ghostbur seriously, treats his despair as an opportunity to drill in a lesson. the most either of them lost was some of the dogs and used up potions, fireworks, and wither skulls

and then theres dream. dream whose been harming the l'manburgians since the beginning, who had taken tubbo hostage, offered eret a chance to betray them all, who had been the man in tommys walls and offering money to tubbo and jack to try and get them to destroy things, who tried to get tommy to kill tubbos villagers. dream, who took tommys discs over and over, who killed tommy twice in one day, who stopped caring about his friends that loved him and were so so loyal. dream, who helped schlatt and pushed wilbur deeper into his spiral, who even then tried to manipulate tommy.

dream, who helped destroy l'manburg the first and second time, who took advantage of tubbo so he could have a premeditated kidnapping of tommy. dream, who abused tommy, physically, psychologically, emotionally. dream, who degraded tubbo and had taken ranboos memory book (which btw, since ranboos memory loss counts as a mental disability with the memory book as his aid, thats dream taking the thing that aids ranboo in dealing with his disability).

dream, who had been the reason l'manburg was created. dream, who got to destroy l'manburg three times. dream won. and techno and phil dont regret it, dont care.

maybe l'manburg was never meant to be. and sure, it started with stealing and an attempt to monopolize on potions but. that wasnt even l'manburg then, was it? it was just wilbur and tommy having fun. l'manburg came after. after the police hurt them. l'manburg started as a silly little revolution, led by a naïve man who thought he could win wars by saying no. it was a place for a family, a place for them to escape from dream. it was a place to try and escape the harm of those outside the walls. it was meant to be safe, even if those against them made it hard to be. it was made from love. it was meant to be happy. it was a symphony, however unfinished.

so. i don't know. i just feel, bad. they never really won, did they? tragedy after tragedy, death after death, destruction after destruction, betrayal after betrayal, hurt after hurt. and now what's left of them, really? out of the founders, erets doing the best and even shes doing awful, forever trying to make up for what he did. tubbos paranoia led him to developing nukes in a desperate attempt to stay safe, because he was taught to stay quiet and keep his emotions to himself, because his death was "justified", because nukes and walls and weapons are the only way he can feel safe anymore.

tommy went through months of abuse, lost all of his lives and suffered upon coming back, suicidal but unable to bring himself to do it because limbo is worse, feeling lost and like he has no family anymore other than wilbur, who he knows is hurting him but cant bring himself to leave, who loved lmanburg so so dearly and only wanted a home, still doesnt have one (tommy from everywhere, tommy from nowhere at all). niki who loved lmanburg and wilbur so much that it hollowed her out and made her bitter and shes so used to being spoken over that all she can think to do is raise her voice and get pissed, who cant see wilbur as a good person anymore because shes hurt and hasnt truly recovered and she doesnt know how to cope without being angry.

jack manifold feels forgotten, hes lost all his lives and crawled out of hell and no one truly noticed, he doesnt even believe that niki really cares, hes desperate and has made his purpose to be spiteful and angry because he cant deal with the emptiness that comes when he realizes theres no point. fundys desperate to have friends, family, a partner, anyone thatll love him, anyone thatll keep him safe, slowly killing himself with cigarettes and disowned because of giving too little too late, because he was too little too late.

and wilburs lost himself. spiraling, paranoid. a young, naïve man who wanted to fight swords with words, who wanted to impress his father, who wanted a nation of his own to feel safe, who was so effected by erets betrayal that he cant trust anyone but himself, whose possessive nature eats him from the inside out, desperate for control and unable to let go of the only person he knows loves him unconditionally

all because outside forces kept pushing, kept destroying, kept ruining them and hurting them and traumatizing them and taking away their homes and pets and loved ones. and i just. cant feel happy for the ones that hurt them, i cant feel victorius, triumphant, any of that. i just feel bad that the l'manburgians never got to be a family. i know they arent the best people but shit, i love them anyways, love them because theyre flawed and because theyre *people*, people who tried so so hard and got pushed so so much and. fuck, i cant be happy that the people who loved nature and play fought and laughed by campfires and read poetry and re-enacted theatre and loved each other and wanted to *live* (even if they were willing to die, if it meant giving everyone else a chance).. lost. they lost.

canonical years of work down the drain in one day. records of history gone, now only remembered in full by a traumatized teenager who was taught not to talk about his negative emotions, and even he misremembers some parts. they didnt even lose fairly. they had no chance. they couldnt have prepared for withers, for tnt rain, for the hounds. they were poor, weaker than their opponents, sabotaged by one of their own. thats.. tragic.

doomsday was a tragedy. i cant agree that it was deserved. i cant agree that they had it coming, that they deserved to lose homes and pets and limbs and lives and land because they werent the greatest people around.

a small country of less than 10 people (at both creation and destruction) now a giant crater in the ground, remnants of a parisitic egg taking over the land. and it wasnt even lost fairly. three people were stronger than an entire nation, even with all of its allies. two anarchists working with an abusive tyrant. so, no. doomsday wasnt deserved. people dont deserve tragedy. there were better ways, i truly cant be happy that the way chosen was violence. i cant.

l'manburg's citizens deserved better. they really did. the ends dont justify the means. and god, am i fucking tired of "justice". if justice means choosing violence over love and respect and caring about those less strong than you, i dont wanna hear about it. fuck that man, id rather love and be loved than constantly give a shit about making up for hurting others by getting hurt, thats stupid and cruel and i cant see it as okay on a moral level. not when the people that got hurt deserved to be loved and cared about and protected and *talked to* instead of constantly shot down.

of course for the narrative i can enjoy violence and characters getting hurt and i do like how "real" it all is, the despair and dissonance in tone and how terrifyingly messy it all is. out of story perspective- honestly rather cool even if it makes me feel bad. in story perspective- holy fucking shit no that wasnt deserved and god i hope everyone hurt will be able to heal and learn to love and be loved again because thats such a terrifying thing to go through. from a detached pov i can appreciate the insight into everyone involved and i like the plotlines that came from it, but from a compassionate pov i just wish the l'manburgians were allowed to be happy and treated as equals so they didnt have to go through all of this

[surviving---not---living]

What the fuck do I do?...

**tw emotional/physical abuse mentions**

posted this on reddit with different ages and such so he wont find it but he doesnt use tumblr so I wanted to post here to see if yall had some suggestions as well any help would be greatly appreciated or to just know someone read would also be enough... with that said I'll paste the post.

to start I'm 23f and the fiance is 38m

I have an idea of what i should do i just sincerely dont want to i dont want to leave him homeless and without money or a job...

but the last few months have me scared and confused...

(during arguments he let's me write down what's happening when I hear something that stands out to me in Hope's itll help me fix my behaviour i got from my parents so ive been able to write down exact wording on some things said) theres just so much going on...

to preface this hes never been physically abusive to me and thankfully it's not there yet. in his defense though i was raised very incorrectly due to shit parents and I have a lot of mental issues that cause self sabotage, delusional thinking- meaning If I personally believe something it usually takes a small war to get my mind to recognize im actually wrong, as well as terrible memory so if I do acknowledge I've done something wrong more often than not my head forgets what happened or what i even did wrong if anything and the next time it inevitably happens again I have no information to pull from to tell me what I did was wrong or why. so basically I'm kind of a fuck up, I'm doing my best to fix my shit but yeah my fiance has been dealing with all of that for 4 years now.

(*some minorly important issues

•he's been interrupting me not letting me finish what I'm saying and just outright changing the topic since we first got together, although wrong of me I started doing that as well because i saw no other way to be able to speak to him except even when I'm doing the exact same shit hes doing it seems like hes the only allowed to be upset.

•we were in an open relationship except he didnt follow the rules we agreed to one time and that broke my trust I had for him. we said no coworkers, we said only people we were both interested in we said no one that's taken and yet all of those got broken over an ugly bitch. and I still get shit for bringing it up to this day.

•he said that until I start prefacing all of my conversations with him he wont count any attempt I've made at talking to him about my problems. so basically everything I've tried talking to him about doesnt fucking matter and it doesnt fucking count. not even when I tried telling him 3 separate times I'm feeling suicidal to top it off everytime i mentioned it, it ended in an argument.

•he told me he got suicidal thoughts for the first time in 10 years due to me and honestly I didnt know how to fucking respond to that. it made me sad yeah but where was the care I needed when I brought up the same thing? where was his give a fuck hes supposed to show if he actually cares about me??

•he says he interrupts me because what I have to say is either false, not grounded in reality, or they're excuses. except he has little to no way of knowing any of that is true unless he hears me all the way out I could be agreeing with him and he still interrupts and gets pissed.

•I believe hes a hypocrite but he says nah hes only doing this because I'm doing bad.

•hes said multiple times that i wont see any improvement in him until he sees I've got my shit together. even though hes the one that caused the first problems in this relationship I'm supposed to be the first one to fix my shit? instead of both of us working on our shit together??? and when I ask those questions he responds with yes you are supposed to be the first one to fix your shit because I'm at the end of my rope and I wont take this anymore.)

but on to why I've been scared. this person told me he used to be abusive with an equally abusive ex for many reasons and after splitting up he vowed to never do that again and never end up like they did.

fast forward to our relationship and well a few months ago he told me he wanted to hit me and made it a point to say he wasnt going to but he really wanted to.

he said that because we were both in my car and he wanted to leave with the car except I wasnt going to get out of MY car so he started yelling, i got scared and left later on he told me that was the first time hes ever wanted to hit me and I should think about what it is I did to get him to that point. after that I left it alone for a month because things got a bit better and then came the next time he said he wanted to hit me. now I dont remember the reason for him saying it the second time but I wasnt going to let that slip as easily as the first so I spoke up about it and what he had to say about me telling him it made me scared of him to know he wanted to hit me was " well if you Weren't a coward, normally when someone says they want to hit you it's a signal that you're doing something so wrong that they want to hit you." and me knowing him i knew this was one of those times he just wasnt going to budge.

so on to the next argument.

he told me I'm the one who thrust those thoughts into him, that I'm the reason they ever came to be, I'm why the exist in the first place. and he doesnt seem to understand when I say that no I'm not the reason your head wants to hurt me they exist there because of your last relationship letting that be an option. he also said he keeps the option of abuse in his head with a line in front of it to remind him to never pass that line and he doesn't understand that keeping that idea in his head at all is not a good thing because now the option is available whether you want to take it or not and

he. just. kept. arguing. and defending.

now on to the last argument.

he says he wants me to stop putting him in a position to do all the thinking and decision making for me, when I've asked him multiple times to stop doing that because I want to do shit for myself and all he keeps saying is show me that you can actually think for yourself and I'll stop needing to do that. like motherfucker at least give me the time to make decisions or thoughts.

I know it's not his fault that I take longer to process things but he knows this fact and keeps expecting me to already have a response half a second later to something I'm barely registering 5 seconds after it happened and again yes I know its something I have to work on and I am but atm it's still an existing issue.

hes trying to call thinking for me and making decisions for me "a gift" (the exact context for him saying this wasnt written down as I was too upset at the audacity of that claim.)

he wants me to show overwhelming efforts to fix my fucked behavioral issues but the efforts I'm putting in atm dont matter to him and that hes hanging on a single thread hes no longer willing to take anything but Absolute compliance(yes he used the actual words absolute compliance) if he doesnt see me losing sleep to figure out and fix my shit he wont be convinced I'm trying. he ended that segment with him saying hes not using these words to control or manipulate me. he says this is a requirement a yes or no and he wont make his decision on whether he wants to break up with me until I say yes or no to his absolute compliance. he said his decision is solely based on my answer and If i say yes i dont get to back off or get out of it.

I also wrote down a quote he said that was just so arrogant i couldnt leave it out.

"You sit before an artisan of problem solving." -my fiance

soo haha yeahh the last argument happened right before going to bed and I started typing this as soon as I got up and finished my hygiene stuff.

I'm pretty sure if he had never told me he'd wanted to hit me this wouldn't be such a difficult thing to answer... I love him and I have no idea if I should pick him and risk any form of my safety or just let him leave me.. he has no job, no money, and no family to go to.. I know he doesnt care about being homeless but I do care..I fucking love him and I dont want that for him not even for a day... as shitty as he and I can both be I still dont believe that's what he deserves... if he ever finds this hell be even more pissed that I'm even concerned about what he'll do if he leaves.. he always told me to not care and that if I ever do want to leave him to not worry about that and just get it over with sooner.. thing is I dont want to leave I just want my baby back... the one that didnt yell or didnt want to hit me at all... I want our old relationship back.. I guess I want to know if that's even possible at this point. any words from anyone would be really nice right now.. if only to just feel like someone's talking to me.. my fiance is literally the only person I talk to and the closest thing to a friend I have. and i dont tell my parents any of what's happening because they're stressed enough so I've been basically alone for 4 years with no one but my fiance to talk to..

granted it's my fault I havent made other friends but I've been so stressed recently that I havent done much about it for many reasons..

update: he just finished telling me that hes only had half a burger in the last 3 days, (due to stress) he just wanted to let me know that apparently.

[angelthebedsheet]

my fav boys with slick black s/o pt 1?

a/n: im losing inspiration for my current requests and i’m not feeling good mentally or physically. my mood has been down the whole week and it’s messing with my school work so that’s also putting me in a sad mood. but im also in the mood for some fightin words so i’ll use my comfort boys. this may be corny but hey it works for me and this is my blog ❤️

lets get it

—————————————————————————-

Bakugo Katsuki

bro you MATCH his ENERGY so well with your clapbacks

tbh... bakugo’s clapbacks are just trash

he got the aggression but cmon now

tf is “shitty extra”

boy if you dont sit ya ass down

he LOVES your clapbacks tho

them shits be making him lose his mind

any slick shit you say he eats that UP

one time monoma was talking too much shit and you just

“nigga if you dont sit yo ass tf down fore i snatch yo forehead tf off”

safe to say bakugo busted out laughing

you were ready to post up

he lives for when you be roasting ppl under ya breath

what he doesnt like is when you roast him

bc you can and will read a bitch no hesitation

he really thought he was special....

aint shit sweet come get these roasts nigga

“boy if you dont take them damn pants off. shits look like hammer pants. cant touch this headass”

yall know how i have desiree roasting him?

that’s exactly how it be

you got a sharp ass tongue and will use it against anyone

let someone get both of yall pissed off together???

straight up verbal abuse at that point

file a complaint bc you and bakugo def made someone cry before

i think the class lwk hates you bc you helped bakugo’s clapbacks get better

which is bad for them

yall rmb those roasting vids where they go mmm after each one?

thats bakugo in the back

“big body headass”

“mm”

“dumpster truck headass”

“mm”

typa shit

he’ll hype it up too much

Todoroki Shouto

you think this man dont talk shit himself????

bro he can and will read a bitch RIGHT TO THEIR FACE TOO

he want all the SMOKE

yall together??? im sorry to whoever pissed yall off lemme plan they funeral

i imagine the way todoroki reads niggas is real sophisticated like he will point out every single insecurity you HAVE without even knowing you that well

no cursing for majority of them

“what shoes you got on?”

KAJDJSKKDKCKDDJ

yall would read bitches together but like this

“shou it’s the lifting acrylics for me”

“it’s the dusty wig for me, love”

“its the disconnecting wig for me”

“its the cakey makeup for me”

painful for them

i think he can do rapid fire roasts as soon as someone tries to start shit with you

“i know you’re not coming for my s/o. it’s the talking shoes, it’s the bootleg supreme shirt, it’s the fake chain, it’s the brittle hair”

he gets real disrespectful and wont care who it is

unless it’s your friends or family then he’ll dial it back a lil bit

if you start roasting endeavor????

my mans might be on his way to the jewelers

“try this ring on. i wanna see if it can fit you”

he finna spouse you up (spouse IS gender neutral innit?)

unrelated but todoroki is a hottie and will “ah 😜 mwah 💋” everytime and you might have a video of him losing his mind girls in the hood LMAOOOOO

Killua Zoldyck

now this boy.... cant roast for SHIT

yeah he’s a lil brat and can get mean and petty

but he cannot compare to you

this nigga’s a whole trained assassin but cant kill niggas with his words that well

🤡🤡🤡

i think the meanest thing he’s said is call you “a stupid fuckin idiot”

to which you responded with

“shut the fuck up, mushroom built ass bitch. body built like a smurf. hair lookin like hairballs cats cough up. dont get loud lil boy”

killua respectfully sat down and scratched his head

no cap that shit lwk hurt but he gonna pretend like it didnt

he dont even know what the fuck a SMURF IS

he just know that it hurt

lwk thought that was your nen

the ability to manipulate emotions into irritation or anger or some shit

like no baby they just good at roasting bitches

after a while he starts to hype you up in the back

“how you FEELLLLL”

“OOOOH BURNNNN”

“SHIT GOTTA HURT DONT IT BITCHBABY?”

eventually he learns how to roast and clapback then it’s over

the sass meter is overboard

like you might have to knock him a couple notches down

swear to god this boy uses clapbacks on leorio just to piss him off

one time leorio was telling killua to do sumn he just

“oh you must want me with the way you keep gobbling on my fuckin nuts i will do it soon relax”

you damn near BEHEADED this boy with how hard you slapped the back of his head

like it was funny but leorio wouldve JUMPED YOU

Kamado Tanjiro

OUT OF ALL OF THEM HE DOESNT WANT THAT

listen he likes to be the peacemaker

but with your clapbacks they’re enough to make zenitsu wanna post up

like you read him a lil too much

“THATS HOW YOU FEEL Y/N-CHAN? ALRIGHT”

cue tanjiro rapidly apologizing while dragging you away

the first time you roasted the absolute shit outta inosuke he had to sit down

he didnt even know what the majority of the shit you said meant

same with killua all he knew was that shit kinda hurt

tanjiro be TIRED of yall

“y/n can you PLEASE relax”

“NAH HE WANNA GET LOUD WITH ME”

“HE BREATHED”

“AND IT WAS AN AGGRESSIVE BREATH”

of course you know your limits

there’s no way you’re gonna get tanjiro to roast people

but this one time you heard him clapback by accident

“you heard me loud and clear, sir. dont act like you couldnt hear me correctly.”

like oop?

i felt a lil HEAT

aint no where near burned but for tanjiro??? good e fucking nough

dont act like he dont say some lil slick shit on the dl

this man got pent up aggression fym

tho you do be making him laugh

esp in battle if you just start reading a demon

he cant help but snicker

baby loves the way you talk and wouldnt have it any other way

if you roast him he will just go

“oh okay 🙂”

he doesnt know how to respond to that

if you roasting someone who deserves it nezuko will be your hype girl bc tanjiro’s busy trying to de-escalate the situation 💀💀💀

“and thats why yo grandma got a busted funeral”

“MMPH!”

“Y/N NO STOP THATS SO RUDE IM SO SORRY FOR THEIR BEHAVIOR THEY DONT MEAN IT”

“YES TF I DO”

“y/n shut up NO THEY DONT SORRY”

before dragging you away

jfc you’re like verbally feral

Nishinoya Yuu

your personal hypeman

will respectfully allow you to roast people

cant roast to save his life either

“you tell em!”

“yuh!”

“mhm”

“bitch”

hopping around n shit LMAOAOAOAOAO

you got that shit

someone irritating him?

“y/n.... baby.”

“alright who is it?”

“tsukishima”

“aight bet. AYE BITCH”

legend has it tsukishima is still recovering from those third degree burns

do not roast him this man will run away he values his life

“oh you must be ready to attend this barbecue”

(love that guy)

“IM VEGAN” liar

and DIPS

nigga will 100% ROLLINGGGGGG THUNDAAAAAAA tf up outta there

he can clapback and that’s the most he’ll do

he do be saying slick shit bc i hc him as someone who want all the smoke

ride or DIE

on they ass

(struggling to come up with clapbacks w/o anything to clapback to 💀💀💀)

(been cryinf over rengoku and hw my brain is mush)

“GO OFF Y/N TALK YOUR SHIT YOUR MAJESTY”

NIGGAS A CLOWN ✋🏽😭

thats all for this one folks lmao

[bakugoubabygirl]

           okay before I start she going to choose one. Don't worry if its not the one you wanted her to choose bc its going to be  a Roller coaster  of emotions and a lot of back and forth for awhile  BC I FUCKING LOVE BOTH  OF THESES BOYS. also  there will be smut soon and it wont be vanilla .  

                                                        YOUR POV

          "Lets go before they find us" I whispered tugging on Bakugou arm.  He didn't say a word and followed me.  " Lets get some food at the stand" I gave him smile. Bakugou followed me he seem kind of moody though more moody then usual .           " Are you going to say yes?" Was he asking about tododroki. I didn't give much thought to that . I like him  a lot but if I was being honest with myself i had feelings for someone else.       " I dont know I like him a lot and i think it would be amazing. But i also think I have feelings for someone else. To be fair they haven't shown no sign of returning this feeling. Maybe I ought to say yes and forget about the other guy like that" I admitted.        " Who is this other guy" He asked. Why was he so damn interested and how can i tell him its him.         "Not telling" I felt my face getting red. Next thing I Knew I was getting pinned against a wall.           " Tell me" He growled. Why was this bothering him so much. If only he knew that telling him would ruin our friend ship . He would never look at me the way I look at him. because I was made to  be the villan.  Bakugou strive to be perfect at everything and I was not perfect.           " Bakugou Its you stupid" Then I broke free from his grasp . I didn't want t o know his reaction or have him mocked me. I hurried and disappear into the crowd.    Still haven't found any thing to eat my tummy started growl. When I heard my name being called out, The next thing I knew someone dragged me off  somewhere quite. I'm so sick of being pulled around today. It was my dad, Honestly I was relived that it  wasn't Bakugou .        " Hey  I know you and how your going to give it all but You need to make sure your head is clear. Ive been studying and your powers  feed off you emotions.  I want to make sure you have a clear head" he said worriedly .  OH god I'm screwed my head is far  from clear.         "  Yeah I'm not focusing on anything right now except for winning" I said and I fake smiled.          " that's Great I Know your going to make me proud. I may be rooting midoryia but Your my number one and I hope you win more." He smiled. Pulled me and for a hug.           " Thank you dad and don't worry Ill cut all there throats open" I laughed.      Then it was time to to go back to the arena.  Time  to face bakugou mental and physical . I think mentally would be harder to do.  Midnight call me and bakugou to fight first.  I try not to think about what had conspire between us earlier. I need to focus to keep my head cleared.              We both step into the ring. Bakugou goes to attack me and I dodge it just in time. Then I Blast one of my purple fire balls at him and he dodge to . This was really upsetting, and I  Take one of my shadow hands out and it wraps around his body. I started to think about how he never loses. He was perfect and every way and would make a fine super hero one day.   something you'll never be  the voice was back again.  

                                                 Bakugou  POV

She had her hand wrapped around me. I  had to escape and then I saw  Her starting to levitate off the ground. Her eyes flash purple there was a gasp from the crowd.  She slam hard into the ground  with the shadow hand. She was Going to kill me.        I jump up and fired another explosion at her this time using more force.  She shield it and then made a big shadowy fist at the ground causing it to erupt . I almost fell but then I caught my balance.  This time I used my full force now that I knew it wouldn't hurt her too bad.       The explosion was so big she couldn't shield it. She was on the ground and lay there for several of seconds.  I walked over her to see if I have won and if she was okay. She started to get back up again and she grabbed a whole of me again.      She grabbed me so tight with the shadow arm I couldn't breath.  My face started to turn purple I was pretty sure I was going to die.  The crowed was screaming to let me go But she wouldn't listen.   " Y/n Please let me go I cant breathe" I try to say but she didn't hear or listen. She wouldn't do this on purpose.  Something was seriously wrong . this was not her. " Y/n Please I love you" at that point I didn't fucking care if the whole crowed thought I was a simp . I love her and I need her to came back. Her eyes turn back to e/c when I said that.    " Bakugou" she gasps and then dropped me. I could barley move I'm pretty sure she won but she just stared at me. Her eyes started to tear up. " I give up" she yelled. Then ran out of the arena . They announced me winner and The nursing girl came to heal up my minor wounds.  I was livid that I won that way. She threw the fight.

                                                                   Y/N POV

     I Brought shame on my dad and my school. I brought shame on myself. The whole world watch it happen too. They watch me turn into a monster. I almost killed bakugou and He never going to want anything to do with me again. I sat outside the stadium on the ground.  I'm no hero I cant even go and face what I done.       I must of sat there for hours and hours. It was finally dark and everyone left. it started  to  pour down rain.   I decided to go back into the arena to pick up my bag and stuff.  It was dark except for a couple security lights. I found my bag when I heard a familiar voice.       " Tch where did you go?" Bakugou asked. Was he still talking to me.        " heard you won congratulation"  I gave him a smile. The air was so cold I could see my own breath. 

                                            BAKUGOU POV 

 " THATS NOT HOW I WANTED TO WIN" he yelled. " YOU GAVE UP THAT FIGHT WAS YOURS"        " I almost killed you .  I was created for one reason and one reason only. The whole now know so to. I let you guys down and I let my dad down. How can I be the princess of peace when I cant even find peace in my own head.  I'm done," I said  tears started to pour out my eyes.        " IF i was the bad guy you would of won. Your powerful and just because its hard your going to pack up then Your not who I thought you were " he scoffed.         " I almost kill you and maybe next time I will. I care about you too much for that to happen" I cried. I started to turn away.  He grabbed my wrist and pulled me agaisnt him.        " I know you wont. You stop because your good and you over came it. we just have to work on it. Please stay if not for yourself then the million you could save with that power.         " I dont know how I stopped myself. All I remeber is blacking out and then waking to see me almost killing youself." I explain.             " I said something to you and then you just snapped out of it" He said nervously .              " Oh well what did you say" I asked.  This could help me find the answer.      " I told you I Love you"  He blushed. This was a side of him I never seen before. I think im falling to. Todoroki was important to me but in the end bakugou been here.  I wasnt sure if I was ready to say it back. I grabbed his face and kiss him. He started kissing back first it was soft but then its starts to get more rough and passionate. He grabbed my ass and pulled me agaisnt him. despite the freezing rain , I felt warm.               He pulled away but remain eye contact with me as he pulled something out of his of his jacket. It was a small box and he handed it to me. " I wanted to give this to you when I ask you out after I won the festival correctly . That didn't go as I plan but I still want to win your heart. please accept this and be my girl. I never done this soft shit and I'm sorry if it not something I'm going to show everyday. Your worth taking my pride down a little I guess" His face was red.       I open it up and it was a sliver bracelet with his name on it and diamonds. It was beautiful and way too much. I had no idea what to say. " Yes Ill be yours" he pulled me into a tight  hug.      " lets go to my place you need to get out of the rain and getting late" he said gently. It almost scared me the way he was being so kind.                                                                      Bakugou POV         We arrived at my place. She look like she was about to past out. Today was a lot on all of us. I didn't really won the sports festival but at least I won the girl. I just got to keep that damn icy hot away from her. I wanted to rip the necklace off of her that he gave her. She mine now.        " Hey you stupid bitch your late" my mom bitch. No good job bakugou or nothing.         " Fuck you too hoe" I said back flipping her off. She was about to really yell, until she saw Y/n  come in after me.             " Hey Y/n nice to see you again. I saw you tonight you should of just kill him and not worry about it' she laugh. The fucking old hag meant as a joke. Y/n face turn white though.  I grabbed her hand and lead her up to my bedroom. She seem like she was still half in a daze.        " Lets get out of these wet clothes. You can wear anything of mine for now." I said awkwardly. I knew we were dating but I didn't know her boundaries . There so much I want to do with her. She needed sleep tonight though. we both did.   she started to strip off in my room.  Oh, she wasn't paying attention to anything really. I couldn't help but to watch in amazement though. She took  off her clothes and strip down till she was naked. I had to use all my self control to not do anything. then she put on one of my T-shirts that looked like a dress on her and then a pair of my boxers.  I strip down to nothing and but my boxers and laid on my bed.     " come here princess" I yawned. She crawled into bed and laid on top of me. She feel asleep instantly but then here phone started going off. I  Pick it up and looks at it.  Deku: hey are you alright. Me and your dad are really worried.    Damn deku fucking worrying about my girl. I didn't want to give her a dad the pro hero a reason to hate me though. Me: yeah I'm fine just staying at a friend house. I'm really sleepy so I'm going to go to bed.   Then there was other messages on the screen so I looked. Todo: hey  Y/n I'm so worried about you. When you see this please answer and I was wondering if we could meet up tomorrow to talk about today and I have something I wanna ask you. I hope your safe and sleeping well beautiful. Oh hell  no. She mine and he going to back the fuck off.  I took a pictures of her sleeping on my chest and I sent it. Me: she mine and she sleeping fine thank you. Back the fuck off  she mine now!!!!!! Todo: I see for now that may be it. I don't give up and I especially wont stop until she mine. You well slip and when you do ill be there for her. Your impulsive and abusive and don't deserve her. Me: You come any where near her your dead I blocked his number from her phone.  I wrapped my arms tight around her and I pass out.    The sun filled the room waking me up. She was still asleep. She was so beautiful and peaceful when she sleep.  Her phone started buzzing causing her to wake.   " Where my phone" she sat up straight looking for it. I handed it to her. The number didn't have a caller id. She scrunch her nose in confusion.     " Hello who is this " she answered.      " Todoroki, are you alright?" I heard him answered.  Great rich boy has more then one phone.     " Yes, what happen to your old phone number?"      " Long story, where are you at?"     " Bakugou house, why whats wrong?" she asked worriedly     " Ill be there In 20" he said and then hung up.  " Do you have anything else I can where by chance?" she asked   " I think you look fine in that Idiot" I snorted grabbing her wait.   " I cant go out like this" she said digging though the bag of mina and kiri clothes that they leave here.      " Your not going anywhere with him and no way in hell wearing that" She hold up a short pink dress of mina. Mina was shorter then Y/n so this dress was gonna not cover anything. She took off my shirt and put on the dress anyways not listening to me at all.    She grabbed my hair brush and tied it back out her face. she look stunning even though she didn't try and its for him.  " I fucking mean it your not going anywhere with him" I yelled.   " Chill out you have to trust me. He one of my friends and I'm yours so don't worry" she said try reassuring me. I almost lost her to him though. He going to try all Kinds of flirty shit. I cant be okay with this but I have too. She will leave if I'm too controlling.   " One hour then come back" I grumbled.  " I have to go home afterwards and talk to my dad" She sigh. She was right even though I wanted some time with her. The door bell ring and I hurried up to open it. IT was half and half baster.   " Leave your hands off of her and no flirty shit or I will Murder you" I screamed and then Y/n push me put of the way. I grabbed her and kiss her so fucking hard in front of him. She push me away and laughed.     " I'm sorry about him" she said. Walking out of the door with him. I kept trying to talk myself out of following them. I decided to invite shitty hair over to distract me.

IM open up to ideas and or request for my one shot books I'm doing. Thank you for read part 7 will be here Thursday at the latest

[many-gay-magpies]

Smh i should really stop talking to my mom about anxiety/mental stuff because every time it only makes me feel worse

I love my mom a lot but like . sometimes there are just things that get on my nerves even though i love her. I kinda feel bad because like she tries so hard to understand and says she understands and I know she DOES to a degree so I feel bad for lowkey thinking like the whiny teenager all like "yOu DoN't UnDeRsTaNd Me" sometimes, y'know? Like the bottom line is our brains just work really really differently a lot of the time and she either wants to believe or genuinely believes that they dont

Every time I talk to her about my (non-clinical, probably) anxiety and what caused it (this girl bullying me for six years) she goes on to mention all the ways she was bullied as a kid and all the terrible shit she's gone through to say in the end "so I understand" when like all of that shit is way different from my experience so every time she says it inside I'm just like "yes but actually no"

Like, today i was talking about my bully to her and how I've started realizing that all my responses now are responses i was forced to give as a kid because of the situation i was in with my bully, and she went in depth and told me (all stuff she had already told me about before and also when i had been talking about my anxiety stuffs before) about how her mom forced her to sleep in curlers so she would have banana curls and made her wear dresses and how she got mugged really bad when she was older and all this stuff that is very valid trauma and sucks ass and i thank her for trying to understand me but at the same time all the shit that happened to her was surface level. Neither of us could control what was happening to us, because her mom made her dress like that and I couldn't just make this girl suddenly not have issues, but like a dress is still something you can change??? Take off??? Like it isnt attatched to you as a person. I cant change the fact that i exist, which this girl bullying me apparently hated me for. To her my existence was just like "oh i must hurt this person" not because of what i wore, what i looked like, etc etc.

She also kept subtly bringing up the fact that i had never been PHYSICALLY hurt by my bully and implying that because she HAD her pain was worse and i could have had it worse if my bully physically hurt me and ACTED on the threats to hurt me (which my mom's bullies did) and while yes that was true . My bully didn't threaten to physically hurt me at all so there were no threats TO act on she just talked to me like i was shit all the time and beat my self esteem about my personality into a meaningless pulp . I kind of wanted to scream in my moms face "YOUR PAIN WAS MOSTLY PHYSICAL WHILE MINE WAS EMOTIONAL, BOTH ARE VALID AND DIFFERENT" but i know she does know that-- but maybe it would have gotten the point across idk

I wish so badly that i could just tell my mom "I dont want/need you to understand, i just need you to be here" and like i could but . I'm not there yet

(Warning ahead, I'm sorry if this gets really long but like I wanna get it off my chest before i go to sleep bcs i feel like ill sleep better if i do)

Another thing that annoys me is that??? Every time??? I say something??? Or tell her how I'm feeling at the moment??? She just asks me??? "Why?"??? And yes its good to talk about stuff but I'm trying to explain to you in a polite way why i want to leave the conversation and that its making me uncomfortable and i just want to go to bed and you just go "but why are you uncomfortable?" Or like if i tell her I'm upset and i want to stop talking about it she goes "why are you upset? I dont want you to be upset" and I'm just. I literally just said i dont want to talk about this anymore can i please leave you cant control that I'm upset about this because continuing talking to you is just going to make me more upset because no matter what way i try to explain it i cant get my points across right to you and i dont want to say you dont understand bcs thats immature but you kind of dont understand

I want to tell her "This conversation isnt having the outcome i wanted it to have and i want to leave it before it makes me more upset so that i can go think on it for later" but I'm sure if i do. that shed just go "but WHY arent you happy with the conversation tell me so i can fix it" and if i tell her blatantly what is making me unhappy (the fact that she keeps saying she understands and pouring stories of her traumas onto me to "prove" that she understands) then she's going to guilt trip me when were talking in the future by emphasizing the fact that i dont like when she talks a certain way and be all like "oh i wont tell you about my OWN experiences though because you said you don't LIKE when I DO that" and i just hhhhhh

Like every time i tell her she doesnt understand and try to explain it in a way that she WILL and it'll finally click it just. Doesn't and it makes me feel so defeated because every time i do that she just circles back around to "well i experienced all these types of trauma so i totally understand" and i appreciate the effort but that just isnt the kind of support i needed to make me feel content

And also when i was talking to her tonight i told her about a specific instance that happened in like 1rst or 4th grade where I was crying because the girl bullying me was just in one of those. Bad Moods™ where like she hated me for existing and talked to me like i was a piece of trash she had stepped in or smth and then she and a couple other kids asked me WHY I WAS CRYING and I didn't want to tell her "hey I'm crying because you keep hurting me and i dont want you to" because if i said that she would just hurt me MORE so i made up a lie on the spot and said that my parents had a small argument (I'm a sensitive kid and will cry at the barest hint of conflict between my parents so it checked out) and i was crying because of it and . Out of that ENTIRE STORY the one thing my mom zeroed in on was the fact that i told a lie that "painted my parents in a bad light"

Just. Like. Yeah. It did. But I wasn't even thinking about that at the moment?? Like it didn't even cross my mind??? The only thing i was thinking about was that i was scared and in danger and i probably would have said anything to get OUT of that danger (as fake or ill-perceived it might have been). But no, even later on after i had explained that in basically those exact words she still went back around to say "oh if it was bad enough that you told a lie about your parents to get out of it then she REALLY fucked you up"

Which??? By the way??? Is a whole other reason why i try not to talk to my mom about this shit??? Because every time i open up about it and want to have a conversation in a more logical/organized/"well here's the situation and here's what we can do about it" kind of way she always turns it around and says stuff like "damn [REDACTED] really fucked you up didn't she" and "I didn't know it was that bad"/"I didn't know it effected you that bad, you should have said something!" which. Makes me Feel Bad™, for some reason way more than my dad excitedly talking about reptile and monkey brains and how stuff that happened to us in the past is engrained into our brain and still effects us now, like instinct

She also always turns all of my stuff talking about emotions into "oh you're just a teenager" "you're pms'ing" "you'll grow out of it later"

Like one time i told her that her mind was always in the past or the future, always worrying about the past or the future, never in the present, in response to her worrying a bunch about something and how i had my mind in the present more often and her response was something along the lines of "well you're like that because you're young and a teenager, you CAN stay thinking in the present because you dont have all that stuff to worry about like an adult does, I'm an adult and i work a bunch so i constantly have stuff to worry about" and like. Yeah theres some solidity to that. But also i literally talked about that exact thing with my dad and HE said her brain was always in the past/future and never the present so I'm pretty sure its not just a teen vs adult thing

And then towards the end of this whole thing when i had finally managed to tell her "hey I'm uncomfortable in this conversation can i please leave and go to bed" and even further explained that it was because i went into this wanting to have a more casual/logic-based talk rather than an emotional discussion and . she's kind of of the mind that "why did you bring it up if you didn't want to have a deep emotional discussion about it" and I'm just HHHNNNNGGGG but also i actually DIDNT mention it, first i was mentioning how id been having sensory overload lately and how certain sounds of words hurt and then she said i should have a doctor check that out and then i said "I've been reading up on anxiety and sensory overload is a part of that so i figured that's just what it was" (bcs my dad gets sensory overload a lot too) which then ensued a ten-minute conversation about how i probably dont have clinical anxiety because mine isnt as bad as/like all the many, many people my mom has known who DO have it (throughout which i kept trying to tell her "just social anxiety exists too tho" to which she would respond "yea but u dont have these symptoms of general anxiety so i dont think u have it" and while i hope and think i dont i was just like HHHHHHH because i mean social anxiety and by social anxiety I DO NOT MEAN GENERAL ANXIETY YOU CAN HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY WITHOUT HAVING GENERAL at least i think idk i might be wrong) which i ended by saying "i probably dont have clinical anxiety but i do believe my brain has been wired to react to certain situations based on how i had to react to those situations for six years" which then lead to me talking more about my bully and my mom pretty much siphoning as much emotional vulnerability and opening up out of me as she could

And then at the end i told her "can i please leave i kind of feel like crying and i dont want to do it in front of a person at the moment" (because I haven't cried in a few months and i feel like I'm in need of a good cry tbh which in itself is something she doesnt really understand) which lead her to go "why do you feel like crying now I'm worried for you" and HHHHHHEBDJBEHNDEJHBDNEHDBEH yeah--

There's probably more i could say but I'm not going to, because its almost 1 am and while i had actually been about to sleep early at like ten she ended up roping me into an hour or two long talk about emotions, which is. Fun. And i have to get up in six hours so I'm going to go to bed. Sorry if this was a mess which I'm sure it is, i really just needed to get this out there lol

Also when i went to my dad after this to say goodnight (i actually like talking to my dad abt this stuff a lot since his brain and mine are just really similar) he gave me this lil smile and just said "deep breaths" and that made me feel better

[keydawolf]

Calming the Flames

Chapter 3

Matchoff

Boscha growls through the halls, she had woken up in a bad mood and everyone knew it from her posture, her clenched fists, the way she bared her teety at anyone walking by and the way she walked heavily on each foot, givimg very audible warning that she was approaching. One student however, didnt seem to get the schoolwide memo to leave her alone. Indigo seemed to run into Boscha after almost all their classes and happily waved and tried to speak to her, no matter how many times Boscha growled and told them to "Buzz off" Much to the dimay of anyone who liked Indigo, they kept at it, Luz, Willow, Gus and even Amity had told them they would end up hurt if they kept approaching the fuming witch, yet Indigo just shrugged with a smile. Once lunchtime came around, Indigo noticed Boscha heading for the gymnasium once again, this time they decide to not disturb her, lest she damage the door most, they do howver wait outside the gym. When Boschs did eventually come out, their mood was a little lighter, but upon seeing Indigo sitting there, obviously waiting for them, that mood changed back to anger. "Alright Weirdo, I've had enough of you following me around!" Boscha yells but the reaction she got was not what she'd expect. Rather than suprise, fear or anger, the weirdo simply smiles and stands up then has the audaxity to ask "Why? You seemed lonely to me" "Lonely? As if! I can't stand all you goody goody idiots, even if I was lonely, which I wasnt! Why the heck would I want to hang out with YOU instead?" "Cuz you are lonely, even if you wont admit it, I KNOW you don't hate seeing me around" Boscha felt her thrid eye twitch in irritation, then, an idea comes to mind and a smirk forms on her face. "Alright then, how about this, after school, one v one grudgby match, if I win, you have to leave me alone from now on" Indigo's eara twitch upwards in interest "And if I win?" Boscha snorts "If you win? You can bug me wherever the heck you like! I wont even get mad!" Boscha says, the weirdo may be good at dodging, but there was no way they could beat Boscha at scoring. "Sounds good to me" Indigo says and sticks out a hand to shake on the deal. Boscha looks at the hand in disdain but shakes it anyways, it wasnt a deal if they didnt shake on it after all. "You better not flake out on me" Boscha snarls and walks away. "Wouldnt dream of it" ----‐------------------------------- "You did WHAT?!" Amity almost yells as Indigo sits back down at the table with her news. Willow, Gus and Lux just stared, Before they all started talking at once, which made following all their words difficult. "...make an oath?" "....Can't possinly expect to..." "......Gonna really hurt you...." "....need to think before you...." Indigo's ears twitch downwards ans they frown at the others, which makes them all stop, Indigo wasnt one to frown often, so when they did it caught everyones attention. "I'm doing this" they state and even use their full worded voice to make it clear to everyone before them. The others don't argue, staring at them. "Why are you putting so much effort into Boscha?" Willow asks suddenly, gaining Indigo's attention "All she has ever done is hurt others, mentally and physically, heck she's clearly not opening up to you, why put yourself through all this just for her?" Indigo is silent for a long minute "Because she's stuck in the dark, she doesnt know what the light feels like yet, but she never will if no ones willing to show it to her" Indigo says and to Willow and Gus it just seemed like a metaphore, but Luz and Amity knew exactly what Indigo was reffering to and their eyes met for a moment, a look of slight understanding passed between them. Amity sighs and looks at Indigo. "Boscha is very prideful in her abilities for grudgby, she doesnt take defeat well at all, she WILL try to hurt you if she thinks she will lose to you" Indigo nods "I'll keep that in mind" Willow pipes up as well "Also make sure she doesn't pull the rusty smidge ploy again, make sure it isnt on the field" "Got it"

The line of concersarion continued until the end of lunch, apparently others had heard about this 1v1 match and were planning to come watch and see who won, though apart from a few grudgby fanatics, it was pretty much just Skara and the other grudgby teammates, Luz, Amity, Willow and Gus. Indigo stood on the grudgby field, staring across at Boscha, Indigo had chosen a nice blue uniform, Luz and Amity had done their face paint, red and blue lines down their cheecks from their eyes. Boscha had gone for the normal Banshee design. "You know the rules weirdo?" Boscha asks with a smirk. "Yup, is the rusty smidge on the field?" "Nah, if i'm gonna beat you, I wanna make it a good one" Boscha says with a smirk. Indigo smirks back as they wait for the ball to fly. Luz, Amity, Willow and Gus are cheering for Indigo on the sidelines, as the ball is sent into the air, Indigo had the height advantage and was able to grab the ball first, keeping it however, was harder than it looked. Boscha knew how capable Indigo was at dodging and didnt have any qualms charging full tilt at them for the ball, Indigo had to dodge a lot of attempts, trying for a goal too early just to get Boscha to stop, it misses and bounces off the goalpost, right into Boscha's waiting arms, she tears off to the other side, getting halted by an earth spike trap, which lead to a tackle from Indigo. Bischa had to commend the weirdo for their form on the tackle, but she refused to allow them the ball that easy, struggling out of their arms with a lot of effort and kicking the ball before they reach her again, scoring first. Indigo stands, wiping the dirt off their face, catching their breath. "Nice one" they compliment as Boscha gets back into place. "Hmm, your tackle wasnt too bad at all, but your aim is terrible" "Heh, we'll see" Indigo replies as their hand circles behind their back, unseen by Boscha, a clone of Indigo appeared behind her and as the ball shot up, the clone tackles Boscha before she can jump so Indigo can hop over them with the ball and head for the goal. "Agh, forgot you did Illusions too" Boscha grumbles and elbows the clone hard, it poofs away and she gets to her feet in time to see Indigo toss the ball through the goal with ease. Indigo's group cheers loudly, Gus waves his flags with vigor. Indigo jogs past Boscha to her place, grunning from ear to ear. "Pfft, you look like you just won the whole game, it eas only ONE goal" Boscha says condesendingly but Indigo doesnt falter at her snide comment, simply grinning as they waited for the next ball. "Man, psyching them out is NOT working" Boscha thinks to herself in annoyance. A few more goals on each side and it was all tied up, 5 points to each of them. Boscha glares up at the clock, only time for one more play, someone HAD to get this one. The ball flies and both girls jump, but rather than grab it, Boscha bats it right into Indigo's chest, Indigo couldnt dodge in the air, the shift in intent was too fast for them to even register, they hit the ground with a cough, clutching the ball. Boscha lands and folds her arms, waiting for Indigo to call it quits. "Hey! That cant be legal!" Luz yells. "It's a completely legal and well known play in grudgby" Skara answers from the next aisle "Besides, Boscha gave up control of the ball, if Indigo can get back to their feet, they keep it unless they miss" Amelia adds in. "They're right Luz, its a common play, but most grudgby players know not to leave their middle wide open" Amity adds with a look at the two, who nod in response. "Yeah... its usually for well prscticed captains that the other team want to slow down, but Boscha is risking a lot giving up full control of the ball like that, if Indigo can score, they win, if they cant, its a tie, so the only winner here is Indigo in the end" Amelia replies. Amity thinks it over "Yeah... that... isnt like her, what is Boscha trying to prove?"

Boscha waits as Indigo struggles to their feet, making their way slowly towards the goalpost, she hadnt skimped on that impact, they were quite resiliant, though the hit had very obviously hurt, they were still doing what they could to get the ball close enough to score.

waiting for Indigo to call it

"Hey! That cant be legal!" Luz

"It's a completely legal and well known play in grudgby" Skara answers from the next

"Besides, Boscha gave up control of the ball, if Indigo can get back to their feet, they keep it unless they miss" Amelia adds

"They're right Luz, its a common play, but most grudgby players know not to leave their middle wide open" Amity adds with a look at the two, who nod in

"Yeah... its usually for well prscticed captains that the other team want to slow down, but Boscha is risking a lot giving up full control of the ball like that, if Indigo can score, they win, if they cant, its a tie, so the only winner here is Indigo in the end" Amelia Boscha waits as Indigo struggles to their feet, making their way slowly towards the goalpost, she hadnt skimped on that impact, they were quite resiliant, though the hit had very obviously hurt, they were still doing what they could to get the ball close enough to score.

Indigo got to the goalpost and looked up at it, they had 20 seconds left, in one last ditch effort, they tossed the ball as high as they could, but it wasnt high enough, bouncing off the very bottom of the post and falling back.

One very small vine errupts from the ground, catching the ball and tossing it through the post, just before the timer ticked to zero.

Everyone looked surprised, naturally everyone also looked at Willow, who immediately raised her hands up,.

"Willow didn't cast that, I checked when I saw it" Skara confirms immediately when Bosxha looks their way.

Boscha shrugs and nods "Must have been the court itself then, guess it liked their determination" she says and walks away, no fuss, no screaming or flaming grudgby balls flying everywhere.

Everyone watches in astonishmemt as the three eyed witch leaves in complete calm.

Indigo had fallen back to a sitting position with a grin on their face.

"Thah was.... so much fuuun!" They yell loudly as they try to get on their feet.

Luz was the first over to help them up "You did great!"

Amity walks over soon aftwr with Willow and Gus in tow "I have to admit, if I was still captain I'd definately ask you to join the team, those were some smart plays"

"You did iiiiit!" Gus yells as he runs in circles around Indigo and Luz and waves his little flags eagerly.

"That was weird at the end though right? The court normally stops goals, it doesnt usually score them" Willow says quietly.

"Heh, this one tends to have a mind of its own, I hate to say it but Boscha must be right, it didn't send one obstacle to stop Indigo getting to the goalpost" Amoty observes.

"So wait... what was it you got if you won?" Luz asks curiously.

"Boscha can' geh mad if ah hang around 'er now" Indigo replies matter of fsctly.

"Wait... thats all you wanted?" Willow asks with a raised brow.

"Yeh" Indigo says with a grin."Eh was de opposi'eh oh whah she wan'ed" they explain

"Oh, I kinda doubt she'll keep to that, she was way too calm when she left, normally when Boscha loses... everyone loses... and I dont mean the game" Amity says.

Boscha sighs as she heads to change, noticing her potted plant had poked out of her bag for some sun, it had three little buds growing upwarss now.

"Hmph, is that some cheesy reference to my eyes? Titan damn it Amelia, if this flower matches my hair too I swear" she says and rolls her eyes, zipping her bag up so no one would see the plant.

[captain-jinguji]

I was wondering if I could reguest a SFW for Natsuki please

Of course you can! Our little sunshine boy needs all the love and attention!

NATSUKI SHINOMIYA SFW ALPHABET

Argument: Do they argue? How bad does it get?

This little ray of sunshine? Argue? What? No absolutely not. Unless you start it, nothing will happen. And even then they wont last long.

Babies: fur baby, scaly baby, or no baby?

Fur baby! He definitely wants another big dog like Elizabeth! 

Cocktails: are they extroverted? Introverted? Both? With their s/o? 

Extroverted both with and without a s/o! Loves people and loves friends. 

Dance: would they encourage their s/o to join the industry? How would they take it if they did?

Oh he would be delighted if you did! Much like Otoya, he would fail to see the negative aspect of this and just really appreciate the fact that you want to join him on the stage!

Exit: Do they like to travel? Where would they want to go? 

Loves traveling and seeing other places. Much like syo, he has to take his s/o to his hometown of France and everything after that is up to you. Really wants to go to Brazil, too.

Food: what's their favorite date with their s/o?

Their zoo dates! He just appreciates strolling through hours and looking at cuteness. Also loves the ice cream they sell there and the little fries in a cone. 

Grease: what's something special they made for their s/o? 

He actually made you a plush! He's pretty good at sewing things and he loves to put this talent to use by gifting you things all the time. 

Honesty: would they ever hide something from their s/o? 

No. Hes an open book with his s/o and trusts them with his life. 

Independence: what type of lover are they? Clingy or carefree? 

Kind of in the middle. He appreciates his alone time, but he can also be overwhelming and constantly with them. All depends on his mood, the time of day, and the position of the sun. 

Jealous: are they a jealous person?

Not really him, but Satsuki on the other hand… Natsuki trusts his s/o and believes that they would never hurt him in any way shape or form. 

Kindness: how far would they go for their s/o? Ride or die kind of thing?

He'd do anything for them. Theyre the sunshine in his life and he hopes he is that in theirs too! 

Love: what's their love type? 

Words of affirmation. He wants you to hear and know that you're the highlight of his life and how much you mean to him. Always makds sure you feel good about yourself inside and out. 

Mouth: where's their favorite place to kiss?

Your cheek! It's squishy and his lips just sink into the skin, it's his absolute favorite! 

No: anything they wouldnt do with or for their s/o? 

Anything immoral or illegal. He isnt that kind of person. 

Odor: what's their favorite scent? On a s/o?

Spring flowers or sunscreen! Hes very much a flower person and appreciates the different scents, but he also loves the smell of sunscreen because it reminds him of summer and long nights. 

PDA: how open are they to PDA 

Kind of reserved but not. He will hold your hand or your pinky and kiss your cheek but he isnt overly in the face abour it. 

Questions: will they be an open book or not? 

Oh yeah. He doesnt see the point in hiding anything about himself. Hes yours and youre his and there has to be that basic trust and understanding of each other.

Reserved: what's something that only his s/o would know about? 

How much he struggles internally. He doesnt know Satsuki of course, but he does feel like there's a whole other part to him that he doesnt have a clue about and sometimes it eats him up inside. 

Serious: how long until they start to get really serious with their s/o? 

Hes relatively all in from the beginning, but gets really serious the longer the relationship goes on and he sees that this could last forever. 

Type: what's their type in a s/o ? 

Someone who's soft and kind. A compassionate person with somewhat of a motherly love. Someone who's positive and open minded and who tries to understand him on a deeper level. 

Untouched: have they been in a relationship before? How many? 

No he hasnt but that's okay! He's a natural boyfriend. 

Very: what's something they're really good at outside of music? 

Baking. No but seriously it's gotten so much better over the years and thanks to masato and his own eagerness to learn, he can whip up some good pastries. 

Weird: what's something odd or weird about them?

The fact that he's a 6"4 man who still sleeps with plush? It's not super weird but some people might think so.

Xylophone: their favorite part about you? Physically? Mentally? 

Physically its your height. You're most likely shorter than him and therefore hella cute. Mentally it's your kindness and compassion. It's so sweet to watch you conquer such a harsh world in the most loving way. 

Yearning: would they like a family? How many kids? 

Oh yes definitely. Wants to get married and settle down. Have a couple of kids or three. 

Zebra: Do they change throughout their relationship? Are they truly themselves? 

Not really. Hes pretty true to himself. 

[outragedslime]

So uhhh about being trans, and periods.

I spend a lot of time in trans and nb period tags when im havin mine for positivity and tips and validation and whatnot. I noticed a few bad posts here and there though, assholes going after trans women and transfems who want periods and i wanna discuss this a lil bit. I dont want to speak over trans women and theyll definitely have better things to say than me, but i know a lot of afabs wont listen to anyone but another afab about this topic. If youve any input feel free to add it or correct me.

Yeah it sucks. Yeah its sore. And i know why many afabs may get upset abt it. But i assure you, trans girls are not your enemy. Them saying they want periods doesnt mean they think your pain isnt real. You may not get it but theres so many different reasons a trans girl might want a period. Be it dysphoria, the organs that come along with it, or even just the social framing of a period being a "womans thing" (which ofc is bullshit- even some cis women dont get them. But that doesnt mean that the social relation of "period=woman" doesnt exist, so its a valid reason nonetheless).

But the thing is, the reason doesnt even matter.

Heres something for the people with periods who are confused. Not all of you can relate but i know many people, myself included back when i thought i was a cis girl, who were excited for their periods before they began. Starting puberty, i wanted it. Yeah its bad!! I knew that! I have an older sister who im very close with so i saw firsthand the pain it can bring, but i still wanted it too. I cant exactly explain why, but i did. And i was told "nah, you dont Actually want it" and i felt bad because of that- and that pain must be so tiny compared to what trans women who want periods must feel when they get invalidated like that. I know sometimes you mean nothing bad by it! Ive probably done it before too, when you say stuff like "yeah but it sucks, youre lucky haha" as a joke. You might not even realise its hurtful and you definitely might not intend it that way, but try to understand it can still hurt.

If you still dont get it! No worries! The good news is that you dont have to get it to be respectful! 

So!!!

To all the trans girls and transfems who want periods. Youre valid. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. Youre not any of the nasty things that assholes call you. When people make jokes about how youre lucky they may not mean anything bad, but youre still allowed to be hurt, your feelings about this matter.

And to all the cis girls and afab nonbinary people and trans boys who menstruate. I know you may hate it. I know you may get incredible pain, both physical and mental. I do too. But you dont get to invalidate trans girls about it. Theyre not "fetishizing" or undermining your pain, same way a young afab kid before puberty who wants a period isnt. Understand that it can be upsetting even if you mean well to say stuff like "oh you dont actually want it lol". 

Sincerely, a person w super bad periods where for days i lay in bed screaming and crying, so you cant be like "okay but kolo you dont actually know the real pain :)))"

[indigopurple]

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

[tinygoof]

Dumb bad stupid She-Ra shrink fic

As Catra stepped into her quarters and the door shut behind her she let out an agonizing, drawn out, pained sigh of utter frustration and contempt. She'd spent the last 3 weeks trudging around Etheria Hunting for first ones tech and battling the rebels. And all she had to show for it was a mountain of busted horde bots, a headache and some new bruises. She slumped down against the wall and sighed again feeling every little ache and pain. Both physical and mental. Of course Scorpia had been along with her the whole time and so Catra had been forced to endure her incessant running monologue and rantings about every little thing. "I need a break." She mused to herself. "I need to just unwind. Get my mind of everything for a bit". As she sat there slumped against the wall she saw something sitting under her bed. A golden bottle with a Red bow.  She got up and walked over to her bed, reached under and grabbed it. A note was attached to the bow it read: "Happy birthday Catra! I realized I didn't know what your actual birthday was so I just decided hey why not? Better late then never! Or early. Either or. Anyways enjoy this bottle, its that REAAALLY good stuff from Brightmoon. -Your bestfriend in the whole wide world, Scorpia   XOXOXO" It was a bottle of Brightmoon brandy. Scorpia had gifted it to Catra a while ago. At the time Catra just stuffed it away under her bed and forgot about it. But now she decided it might be just what she needed. "I guess a few sips couldn't hurt. The horde wont fall apart if I take the night off." She said aloud justifying it to herself more than anything. She pulled of the cap and took a swig. The Brandy Burned as it went down but left a pleasant sensation on the tongue afterwards. "Oh yeah. This is DEFINITELY worth a few sips." she said and took another swig. "Maybe even more than a few."

A half hour and quarter bottle of brandy later and Catra was laying on her bed staring at the ceiling with a smile on her face. Happy to not be thinking about anything in particular. just thew warm, pleasant feeling in her chest. Then her communicator beeped. With a groan she rolled over and checked it. It was Entrapta.  Catra reluctantly answered. "Ugghh what IS IT?" "HEY CATRA! I NEED HELP WITH AN EXPERIMENT!" blared the excited voice of Etrapta. "I've finally assembled my prototype reduction ray and I--" "Okay great why do you neeed ME?" Interrupted Catra. "Well I need to test the effects on biological matter to measure the energy coefficient levels in relation to--" "Okay okay FINE I'll send Lonnie, Rohellio and Kyle over will that work?" "YIPPIE! Yes of course! The more the merrier!" shouted Entrapta. "Greeaaaat" groaned catra as she shut off the call and dialed Lonnie. A few seconds later there was an answer "Hey catra whats up?" came Lonnie's inquisitive voice. "Entrapta needs help with her latest ermm... thing. You Rohellio and Kyle go help her and do what she says. Got it?" "What? but tonight--"  "No buts! that's an order!" with that Catra cut the call and lay back down in her bed. Catra contemplated simply turning off her comlink so she wouldn't have to suffer any further interruptions but realized after a while they'd just come looking for her and everyone knew where her quarters were so that would only be a temporary solution. So she decided to go for a walk and leave her comlink behind. And bring the bottle with her of course. "I think i'm in the mood for some mouse hunting" Catra thought to herself. Truth be told she hadn't gone hunting for mice since she was a little kid. It WAS admittedly kindof silly and childish but she decided that's exactly the sort of thing she needed at the moment. She got up making sure to take off her comlink and grab the brandy bottle and strode out of the room with a grin from ear to ear.

"So what exactly did Catra say were helping Entrapta with again?" Asked Kyle. "She didn't. All she said was Entrapta's working on something and we gotta help her. That's it" Replied Lonnie as the trio entered Entrapta's lab. Kyle Lonnie and Rohellio had been planing to spend the night unwinding after the recent battles but Catra's call had put an end to that and the hope of a peaceful night for them. "Okay but its not DANGEROUS right? like its probably just moving some crates or something." Asked Kyle turning to Rohellio, who in response merely shrugged and grunted. Entrapta's lab was a dark mess of tangled wires, stray machinery and equipment. In the center of the mess was Entrapta herself. Fussing with panel attached to a large raised platform in the center of the room. "Hey uh Entrapta?" Called out Lonnie. Entrapta turned to face them. "Hi guys! what are you doing here?" She asked cocking her head to the side. " Uhm Catra said you needed our help with something?" "Help with something? Hmmmmm Oh yeah that's right! The reducer!!! Perfect your're just in time! Go stand over on the platform. "Uhm okay sure thing." said Lonnie in a weary tone of voice. The three of them stepped up onto the platform. "Uhmm now what?" Asked Kyle with a slight whine. "Oh you just stay there and stand still. As long as you don't move too much you should be fine!" Called out Entrapta as she dashed across the room to go fiddle with another panel. "Out of curiosity what happens if we DO move too much?" "What? Oh you'd most likely be disintegrated. Its about a 68 percent chance." Entrapta's reply caused Kyle's face to turn pale and even caused Rohellio to shuffle back nervously. "Well what is this thing actually SUPPOSED to do Entrapta?" Asked Lonnie audibly worried. "Oh I thought it was obvious. Its a reducer. It reduces things. Makes them tiny! Well here goes nothing. Cross your fingers!" As she said this Entrapta pressed one of the buttons on the panel next to her. Before any of them could protest all three were enveloped in a blinding white light.

Kyle, for a moment felt a sense of weightlessness. He briefly realized that he was flying through the air until he abruptly and roughly hit the ground and skipped a few feet before skidding to a stop. He had landed on his back and was looking up at the ceiling. Not the ceiling of Entrapta's lab however but the hallway outside it. The blast had thrown him clean out the door. After laying there for a moment to catch his breath he sat up wincing from the pain and called out "Agghh, I don't think its working very well!" His vision was a bit blurry and it took a second for everything to come into focus. However once it did he realized to his horror that he was wrong. Entrapta's device had worked VERY well. Besides being thrown through the air the reducer had had functioned just as intended, as Kyle now stood just over three inches in height. Everything now seems colossal.  The walls towered like mountains and the floor of the hallway stretched out like an open plateau. Before he had any time to think about his predicament Kyle say a group of Horde soldiers nearby coming down the hallway towards him.  He was about to call out to them to ask for help but before he had the chance he had to dodge the first one's boot which narrowly missed him as he lept out of the way. Unfortunately this put him into the path of the second solider's boot, which kicked him center mass and for the second time in the last few moments Kyle was sent careening through the air. This landing into a nearby trash disposal chute. As he slid down the chute to what he assumed was his inevitable demise Kyle screamed at the top of his lungs in absolute terror.

Catra now about a third of the way through the bottle was having the time of her life.  Once she'd left her room she had made her way to the best place she'd found as a kid to hunt mice. The junkyard. It was a massive trash disposal area in the lower levels of the Frightzone, filled with all kinds of refuse and scrap. No responsibilities, no annoying underlings, no orders to give; but most importantly home to countless tasty mice. She delighted in stalking past the piles of scrap, waiting for the moment when an unsuspecting mouse appeared and she'd pounce to catch it. So far she had gotten 3. Catra was about to call it a night and head back when she heard rustling in a nearby trash pile. And decided that there was no harm in one more. She quietly made her way over to pile she heard the rustling come from. Of course at this point in her decidedly drunken state, "quietly" meant only bumping into one or two things  rather then knocking over an entire trash pile. After making her way over she thought for a second that shed lost the mouse but before she gave up she heard more rustling and saw a messy tuft of brownish blonde fur sticking out from behind an old rusted sheet of scrap metal. It was slowly moving around it and coming towards her. She smiled as she realized all she had to do was wait for the mouse to come around the corner and it would be right in front of her. "This must be one stupid mouse" she thought to herself. She crouched down and waited to pounce on her unsuspecting prey.

Kyle considered himself incredibly lucky to have survived the trip down the chute and thankfully had landed on a pile of torn oily rags and not jagged metal. He still however, had to deal with the serious issue of being stuck alone in the horde's junkyard and a mere three inches tall. After a few minutes having a minor panic attack coupled with an existential crisis he finally managed to compose himself.  He figured he only had one option to try and save himself. And to do that he had find his way out of the junkyard and get back to Entrapta and hope she could fix him. After a few minutes of trudging through piles of trash making very slow progress and dirtying his usually light blonde hair he almost buried himself by accident when he caused a (comparatively) large pile of trash to fall over when he misplaced his footing. After another narrow brush with mortal peril he decided he wouldn't take any chances if he could help it. Just as he decided this he rounded the corner of a large piece of scrap metal and much to his bewilderment found himself a few inches away from the large grinning face of Catra. She had a feral glare in her eyes. Kyle was so stunned that he couldn't think of what to do or say in the split second before Catra lunged at him.

Catra only had to wait a few moment for the mouse to round the corner. When it did she didn't wait for it to have a chance to run off and quickly lunged at it headfirst, mouth wide open. The mouse didn't even have time to try to get away and Catra felt it hit her mouth and quickly clamped shut her jaws enclosing it inside. She leaned back and once again smiled from ear to ear. She could feel the mouse struggling inside her mouth and she giggled a bit to herself at the sensation. She noticed though that this mouse tasted and felt quite different from the others. It felt oddly shaped and tasted more like a salty, oily piece of plastic. She was worried that perhaps she had  also grabbed a bit of trash when she got the mouse but only for a moment. She was too sloshed to really care all that much about it. She shrugged and tilted her head back in preparation to swallow and was going to wash it down with another swig of brandy. Just before she did however she could have sworn she heard someone call out her name. She couldn't tell what direction it came from but it definitely sounded like her name. She knelt down behind a nearby scrap pile. Drunk as she was she would still feel incredibly embarrassed if someone found her stalking through trash piles hunting for mice. "Better get rid of the evidence then" she figured as she once again tilted her head back to swallow her prey. But once again she heard her name called out once again. And this time as odd as it sounded, she was almost certain she knew where it had come from. It had come from inside her mouth! Confused beyond all reason as to why a mouse seemed to be shouting her name Catra held out her palm and spat the mouse into it. What Catra was not expecting was that instead of a mouse in her hand. She instead seemed to be holding a tiny person. "This stuff must be stronger than I thought" she said to herself aloud. She blinked several times expecting something to change but no matter how many times she did, she still saw the same thing. A disheveled miniature person in the palm of her hand. A person that looked remarkably like....                               "Kyle?!" Catra half asked, half yelled. "Is that YOU?!"

[spidercrimes]

if it's not too much to write, how about All even numbers for the OC asks for either character of your choice! or both if you're feelin wild whatever works : ]

wheezes this took so long but im finally done holy shit

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?

Echo doesn’t have any official titles, and isn’t really planning on getting any, unless Champion of Sune counts?

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents?

Echo has a very good relationship with her moms! To their knowledge, things were a bit tense after leaving Ivydome, but plenty of letters and visiting when they could helped with smoothing over their relationship. A good memory would be when her moms taught Echo how to bake! They can really only bake cupcakes and cookies but theyre like. Hella good ones. They dont really have any bad memories with/of their parents, since like. They will forcibly forget or repress anything that upsets them, as long as it only affected them. If the memory is something bad that affected others it will linger for however long Echo deems necessary(read: an extremely long time)

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

They were there and graduated fantasy high school what more do you want from them jkdxxjndk.  They started working at the local sweets shop after school, so no higher level of education here! They like history a bit, but that’s about it tbh!

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals?

Yes! Echo had a pet cat back at Ivydome with her moms, and before the campaign she didn’t really have the money to keep another, so they settled for feeding and playing with the stray cats in Summervale.

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?

Hmmm, Echo doesn’t mind children?? but there’s only so long they can be around them before she gets overwhelmed. Children like them well enough since Echo is always up for playing songs or messing around with cantrips. Echo would be the fun parent/godparent/babysitter, but. Please dont make them look after children they dont want any.

12. What is their favourite food?

Give my child spicy noodles or give him death

14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?

Their first cake made without supervision was. A disaster to put it lightly since someone was feeling ambitious.(it turned out like rubber and after that he was too flustered n frustrated to focus so everything else turned out badly too) So they dont bother with that anymore! Cake mistakes who i dont know her sdkjjkdbs. So half the time they pass by anything with some type of airy sponge cake they cringe lololol

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it?

She had a rock and shiny things collection back at Summervale! They’re mostly for decoration, although some with certain textures are used for stimming. Some rocks are kept on shelves, but most are stored in cool jars to save space

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else

Echo is a sucker for romance novels and fun, upbeat music! Idk if video games, films, or video games exist in-universe, but if they did, they’d like dramas and baking shows, rpgs, and more character focused games like nitw

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?

They love music, and they’d like musicals too! They will grab their lute and play along if their favorite song came on, and if nobody was around then maybe they’d sing too. Maybe. 

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

tbh their go-to insult is calling someone a prick or a bastard, and it’s usually for whenever someone’s done something particularly scummy. Or if someone is just. The Absolute Worst. It’s a leftover habit from when they used to live in Ivydome, but Echo usually sticks to talking shit when the target is. Very far away/not in the area.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

They try and get around six hours, to varying success, and to their knowledge they dont snore! Echo loves soft things and would prefer to sleep on a soft mattress with So Many blankets and pillows and maybe a cuddle buddy

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions?

Fun fact echo does a tounge blep when she’s happy!! They tend to do lil happy claps and bounce up and down in place when they’re really excited, but when it’s a more calm-type of happy he purrs loudly and smiles a lot more than usual! 

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

He’s claustrophobic and is terrified of being alone again or having to leave people behind even when the situation calls for it. So like. He aint copin too well after the last session! They get very flustered and panicked and freeze when theyre scared

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

Does going on champion quests and running from his problems count as exercise or???

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

Crop tops with long sleeves, shorts, and boots make up most of their wardrobe and they love it. Theyd go to like the fantasy equivalent of marshalls i think? Somewhere with good deals and a lot of options. Overlarge shirts, tank top crop tops, and more shorts make up their pjs. They dont really wear makeup, mostly bc they touch their face a lot and it feels weird the whole time, but they wouldnt be opposed to wear a lil bit every now and then! Their hair is floofy and a bit of a controlled mess since they cut it themselves

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?

Echo is 5’9”/ 175.26 cm! Theyre on the average side i think? Like theyre not super skinny but not fat either so just. Avergae. And yeah, Echo likes their body, theyre so bright! And their horns are so cute and having a tail is very handy and claw maintenance can be a bit of a pain but like. Aesthetic am i right folks

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

Hes good at playing the lute and generally being very cute and giving out good vibes, and he likes baking and playing music! They can sing, but really only do that when theyre playing their lute ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

Echo admires passion and creativity the most, and dont let anyone from the party know but he wishes he could be just. A bit smarter and know what to say + ask. Theyd also really like to be able to make a decent genoise sponge too like theyre not picky

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

Theyre a tea drinker all the way, and arent the biggest fan of sweet things. He used to use more tart or mellow flavors when baking. They def arent alert after being tired for a while, and will space out a bit

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

No secret ambitions here, Echo is an open book(unless they roll high on deception dvdjxb)! Becoming Sune’s champion, making a decent sponge cake, and protecting his friends with his life/in any way they can are all their current goals. Echo doesn’t care too much if they get hurt, so physical well-being and maybe mental are things they wouldn't mind sacrificing, but as a whole they don’t really want to think about what they’d have to give up. He’ll burn that bridge when he gets to it. 

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most?

If its cold, wet, or humid echo is not a happy camper lol. They prefer summer and the beginning of fall the most, and sunny days with lots of puffy white clouds are the best! They think its fun watching the clouds shadows on the ground. They’re better in hot weather than cold, since clothes for that type of weather are easier to dress for and they dont have to account for their tail or horns as much

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

God i hope they make a good first impression im dying over here xjkxdk but honestly it depends! They try to make a good first impression and i think they usually do? But if theyve just finished with a job w the gang or theyre just. So tired they wont really introduce themselves at all.  Its pretty accurate of how they are, and their go-to greeting is “I’m Echo Barquiel, a pleasure to meet you dearie~” 

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend?

In theory they’d like parties but being around so many people with that much noise for an unknown amount of time would not be. Ideal so smaller get-togethers with friends would be the most enjoyable! Echo doesnt really have the uh, space to host anything so theyd just turn up to other’s parties. Theyd be in a constant state of switching between ‘holy shit im so gay’ and ‘oh my god theres so many people/internal screaming’. If they were dragged to a party, theyd mingle for a leelte bit before stepping out

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

A bedroll, waterskin, food supplies, rope, knives, a lute, matches, money- yknow regular survival stuff!

[stardust-and-blades]

Lost Future AU--snapshots 2 (part 8-ish?)

“This can’t get any more painful”

me: hold my beer

------------------

“No. Nope. Not going.”

“Oh come on, Keith.” Lance begged. “It will be fun! If we want to wow the guests we need to learn some choreography.”

“YOU want to learn choreography.” Keith pointed out, crossing his arms. “I would rather stand at the sidelines and watch as you dance with Hunk and Pidge.”

Lance tapped him on the nose with a wooden spatula, the food he was making on pause. “No, that isn’t romantic. That is sad.”

Keith scrunched up his nose. “It’s not sad, it’s practical.”

“It’s stupid.”

Keith growled, frustrated. “I’m not doing it. I’m not going to make a fool of myself in front of over fifty people.”

Keith hopped off the kitchen stool and began to head for the room, ignoring Lance’s call. He heard him swear, no doubt putting the food on simmer and chasing after him. Keith made it a point to lock the bedroom door, Lance turning the handle and swore again.

“Keith, open the door.”

He remained silent, leaning against the bed frame and picked up his headphones, prepping to drown out Lance’s begging.

“Keeeeeiiith, please open the door. I know you hate dancing but I swear on my life you’ll do great. We have two months, we have time.”

Keith bit down on his flaring temper. God, why can’t he just let it go? He loves Lance, but sometimes he just doesn’t give up.

“Okay, how about this,” Lance reasoned. “We go to the lessons. If you’re still not comfortable by our last session, we don’t have to dance. I’ll let Hunk and Pidge take the wheel and do something else together. But...”

Keith stopped mid-earphone, one half hanging from his neck while the other neared his ear, rock music on full blast.

“But?”

There is a shift against the door, Lance most likely leaning his head against it. Not to hear, but in a way for him to be closer to Keith. To surpass the barrier Keith has drawn up, be it physical or mental. Keith knew he shouldn’t be this worked up. He usually isn’t. But venturing on unfamiliar territory in front of friends and family...it stirs something inside him that makes him feel wrong.

Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean he wanted to ignore Lance’s wishes. He wanted to dance with him. To create a memory they can look back on in fondness. Yet he knew, just knew he would fuck up. He doesn’t want to ruin the wedding in any way, no matter how big or small it was. 

“But I want you by my side.” Lance said softly. “Hunk and Pidge are fun to dance with. But you? We never really tried. I want to hold you close to me. I want our first steps in our marriage to be a dance, because that is what being in a relationship with you has been: beautiful and free. You make me happy, Keith. And I want to show it to everyone. I want to show YOU off. Again, we will do what is most comfortable, but it...would mean the world to me if we could try.”

Now how was Keith going to say no to that?

He relented, casting his phone and headphones away and opened the door.

“Fine.”

Lance clapped his hands and hugged him before Keith pointed out the food may be burning.

--------------------------------

Keith and Lance were just finishing up their dance lessons for the wedding one day, Keith’s two left feet definitely getting the best of their teacher by the end of the night. Lance insisted they have a dance as husbands, and though Keith likes the idea of it, he wasn’t much of a dancer. In fact, he made it a point he skipped his spring fling and prom in high school because A: he had no one to go with, and B: can’t dance to save his life. Engage in combat? Yes. Lovingly twirl around a ballroom for an hour? Might as well be asking him to fly. 

The teacher had left by the time the two changed back into their regular clothes, Keith in t-shirt and jeans with a hoodie over it and a beanie, while Lance sported more fashionable wear. The only clashing article he was wearing was his plastic bracelets, some saying ‘free the nipple’ and another saying ‘just getting bi”. 

“I don’t think I’m going to be able to waltz anytime soon.” Keith commented, hauling his bag over his shoulder. 

“Not with that attitude you won’t. Come on, it’s not a wedding without dancing.”

“I know, I know.” He pulled at his long hair, a nervous habit. “But you saw today. I’m pretty sure the instructor will have bruises for days.”

Lance laughed and walked over to his fiance, wrapping his hands around his waist and kissing his forehead. “Oh I noticed. Who would have thought the combat specialist would be bad at dancing.”

“It’s Krav maga. And the two are very different.”

“Both involve being quick on your feet.”

Keith sighed. “What are you getting at?”

“That you can dance. Just think of it as another way of fighting.”

“That’s hard to do with someone I love. I only wanted to kick your ass when we hardly knew each other and you were being a di--”

Suddenly the arms around Keith’s waist were gone and he was spinning, the lowering sun blurred into an abundance of oranges and yellows. He was falling to the ground, Keith bracing himself for impact. But instead an arm caught him by the waist, the other hand holding his. Lance was smirking down at him, proud of his ability to surprise the boy who was always on guard. Always ready for Lance’s antics. But this time he had him, and he did not hesitate to show his pride. Keith stared back at him, split between making heart eyes our retaliate.

“Someone is speechless.”

“Um...Uh...” His face slowly grew red, his pale skin not helping him in concealing it. “You just...caught me off guard.”

“Yes I did.” Lance grinned and bent down, closing the distance between the two. Keith tilted his head up, his eyes fluttering until--

Keith knocked Lance’s feet from under him and stood up, just barely catching the screaming boy from impact. Keith pulled his arm and looked back at him, a smirk playing on his lips. 

“Who is speechless now?”

“No fair! You know you can’t use your skills against the innocent!”

“What you going to do, fight me?” Keith invited him with a quirk of his eyebrow and shift in stance, but Lance just pouted, crossing his arms.

“Cheater.”

“Scaredy cat.”

“I am not scared!” He proclaimed indignantly.

“Oh yeah? Prove it.”

“You do not want to tempt me.”

Keith just smiled more, that smug glint sparkling in his amethyst eyes. They shown with such a brilliance in the low light, the darkness fading away and making them appear as if they were pure gems. Keith stance took on one readying for an attack, one foot backwards and the other forward. He straightened his back, puts his hands out, and waited. Of course he really didn’t think Lance would take him up on his challenge. They had this kind of bickering before, Lance usually sticking his tongue out and walking away, or was the one doing the daring.

Keith really wasn’t serious in his stance, for he jumped when Lance straight up ran to him. But rather than slam his body against the wall or floor, he seized Keith by his waist and lifted him. Keith squawked, losing his balance and almost toppling onto the taller boy. Lance was unnaturally strong, something he hid by his lanky-ness. 

Keith steadied himself by placing his hands on Lance’s shoulders, staring him down.

“What are you doing?”

“Proving a point.”

“In what? That you are bad at combat and want to swoon the enemy?”

He shook his head. Rather than answering, he dropped Keith and took his gloved hand and his other arm wrapped around the smaller boy, pulling him close. “Proving you can learn a thing or two from me.”

It took a moment for it to process in Keith’s flustered brain. “You are not going to teach me how to dance.”

“Oh I am.” Lance smiled. “If you can fight, you can dance.”

He reached inside the pocket of his jeans and extracted a remote, aiming it to the speaker on a table in a far corner. “Chasing Stars” by Fleurie came one, one of the few songs the two agreed to play at their wedding. Keith wondered for a minute how he got the remote from the instructor, but his thoughts were interrupted from Lance pulling Keith. 

“Just follow my lead.” Lance said. Keith tried to copy his steps; tried not to hurt his toes. His eyes remain on the floor, watching his feet closely that he forgets the rhythm. Forgets who he was dancing with. Lance did so well with the instructor, Keith wanted to be a pro as well. Or at least, pro enough he wont make a fool of himself in front of fifty people. Maybe more. Oh God Lance has a big family. What if they laugh at him? What would he--

A hand pulled Keith’s chin up. They stopped, Lance’s blue eyes washing over Keith’s nerves. Sending out a current to silence his worries over the future, blind faith in the partner he would have in life. 

“Keep your eyes on me. Go with the music. You trust me, don’t you?”

Keith’s shoulders relaxed. “Always.”

Thus, they danced. Lance twirled him, spinning the other into the embrace of inner surprise. Dipped his body in quiet elation. Waltz him in the shining lights, his heart fluttering with each step of their feet. Lifting him up, giving him a chance to reach out to the stars. The room no longer existed, replaced by an empty field and bright stars smiling down on them; wrapping the couple in its arms and whisking them into an array of euphoria and adoration.

And for once, Keith didn’t step on his toes. He kept his eyes on Lance, his careful, analytical look disappearing into a wide grin. He might as well be dancing on air, because he felt weightless. They were the only two people that mattered in the world. Just two boys so deeply in love the gods sent down their blessings in a form of clear skies and easy, beautiful movement. 

They were two wandering souls searching the earth for their missing piece. Now they are complete, the missing puzzle piece snugged comfortably in their chests. Keith never thought he would be this lucky. This happy. If he could freeze time, he would just to bask in the moment. But then again, there really is no reason for it. They are getting married and will have the rest of their lives to dance and love each other.

When the song ended, Lance pulled Keith close to him as before, their hands linked as Lance held Keith against him, chest to Keith’s back and arms reaching forward while Keith kept him close. 

“Told you you could do it.” Lance whispered, tender and soft. 

“I have a good teacher.”

With that, Keith angled his head to kiss Lance, the song long over but the dance continuing.

----------------

“Yes, I need to cancel. Yes I’m aware reservations take months to years. No I--look, the wedding is cancelled. No we weren’t unhappy, it just didn’t work out. Yup. Uhuh. You too, goodbye.” Lance says, finishing up with the phone call to the venue. As soon as he clicks the red button he sighs, resting his head on the kitchen table. It has been a grueling day in cancellations and setting up the viewing, Lance’s battered body screaming at him to rest. Allura and Shiro offered to take it over for him, but he shrugged them off, declaring it is his responsibility. 

Now he is wondering if it really was a good idea to leave him alone.

He still has to cancel the catering, flower arrangements, honeymoon reservations, inform the bridesmaids and groomsmen of unfortunate circumstances, the damn limo, and return the wedding rings. 

The last one he is not looking forward to. Just looking at Keith’s engagement ring around his neck hurts. Physically going into the shop and “enlightening” the store of current events is sure to leave him aching. And it wont be his bones. 

He tiredly glances to his left. A framed photo lies flat on its front, the contents hidden away in a vain effort to preserve what is left of Lance’s heart. Yet he is compelled to reach out, grasping the smooth wood and flipping it up.

It is a picture of Lance and Keith at the dance studio, Lance angling the camera like a selfie to capture the moment. Keith was leaning against him, a small but adoring smile while Lance full on grinned, all teeth and painful cheek muscles. Lance didn’t care at the time. He was too overwhelmed with the fact he was to marry the boy he admired and sought for in a couple of months. 

Both of their feet hurt after that day. But they didn’t care. It was fun. and filled with hope.

God, why did he think leaving in that snowstorm was a good idea? Why? Keith was even weary of it. He should have listened. Maybe then, maybe--

No, he can’t think about the accident right now. He needs to cancel shit. start working on the funeral. Get Keith’s body out of the morgue as soon as possible. He is cold and alone. Lance doesn’t want him left that way for too long.

He left the photo and puts on his jacket--well, put on one half. The other is trapped in a cast. He inserts his earbuds and heads out the door, the jewelry shop a couple blocks away. Lance can’t drive with one arm, so walking it is.

When he nears the shop he pauses his music, readying himself for the worst discussion of his life.

Then, he hears it.

It’s subtle; quiet, a whisper in the wind. The familiar high octave voice and elegant piano surpassing the hurrying sounds of traffic. It’s melody slowly wrapping around Lance’s still form at the end of the crosswalk, choosing to settle around his neck as his back hits brick.

It came from one of the shops, but Lance cannot pinpoint which one. All he knew is it is the same one Lance and Keith danced to in the photo, and it might as well have stabbed him. He shoves the earbuds farther in his ear and cranks the music. He ducks his head down and works to ignore the haunting voice, no doubt following him as he walks down the crowded streets. It isn’t until he reaches the jewelry store did he take a breath.

Jewelry stores are usually silent. Silent or playing mainstream music at low volume that you’d have to sneak into the back just to hear the lyrics perfectly. He should be safe. 

Oh but how wrong he is. As soon as he takes out his earbuds and approaches one of the nicely dressed sellers with an over-the-top grin, the same song begins to play. At first, Lance doesn’t notice it right away. He is busy messing with his backpack, only able to use one arm. The woman helping him offered assistance, but he shrugs her off. He has his hand around the boxes and was about to hand the receipt over to the woman when his ears perked up, curiosity killing the cat. 

His hand stops. The woman asks him a question, no doubt wondering when he purchased it and if the return is valid. Lance doesn’t hear her. He is engulfed by the song, its melody slithering up his spine and curling around his neck, the noose tightening with each word, with each hit or strum of the instruments. 

Touching the clouds, never get found Shoot straight up, never come down Lets get lost chasing stars Out on the edge, losing our breath Hearts on fire in our chests Lets get lost chasing stars, lets get lost, lets get lost chasing stars, chasing stars (stars, stars)

“Sir? Sir, are you alright?” The woman asks, concern etched in her eyes. 

No. No he isn’t alright. He feels like he is choking. Being choked. Strangled by the song. Clawing at the imaginary hands reaching out from the rings, the fingers scratching deep cuts into his flesh. His lungs are on fire, his legs growing weak. The room seems to spin, his nails gripping onto the glass as a way to prevent him from falling. Falling into the abyss waiting for him. He’s okay. He’s okay. He’s--

He is not okay.

“Sir?” 

Lance’s knees buckle, the rings falling with him and clattering. He needs to breathe. How can he breathe? 

Keith’s bright eyes flash through his memories, his laugh echoing in the middle of the song as Lance spun them around the studio.

“Slow down! I’m going to trip!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll catch you.”

It should have been him. The doctors even said, it should have been HIM. He was the driver. He was the one who insisted on leaving. He was the one who’s side was the most damaged. 

He should have protected Keith, not the other way around. 

It should have been him.

Lance covered his mouth with his uninjured hand, the tears he was holding back overtaking his shut down. His breath came out labored, and without so much as a care in the world over the worried employee and growing crowd, he sobbed.