#i’m about to barf fr

[casreturns]

i’m crying and throwing up rn.. wtf.. “all this was only ever a dream”

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no-

[transtravisstoll]

Batkids Age Reversal List

want to do a age reversal AU for the batkids but why do the comics keep fucking up their ages this has taken me weeks of trying to figure out i’m gonna off the DC comic writers. if you have any better ideas for their ages pls let me know im going to gouge my eyes out if i have to do any more math.

alfred: ???

-immortal. fuck you. he looked death in the face and told him to stop tracking mud all over his freshly mopped floors and that dinner was at eight.

bruce: 39

-had damian at eighteen bc i wanted it to be as close to his age gap with dick in canon as possible but i am not having this man fathering a child at 15

damian: 21

-came to gotham at age 8, refused to be a normal kid bc he was literally raised an assassin and bruce doesn’t know how to encourage nonviolent activities in children so letting him fight crime seemed… better than being an assassin. he, at the age of eight, could not come up with a name that wasn’t fucking Terrifying so whenever gordon asked for his “little shadow”‘s name they were suspiciously silent bc no, damian, you can not call yourself Vengeance or Malice. the media called him shadow and it stuck.

duke: 18

-wanted to keep his age gap with tim similar, but with duke being the older one, instead of doing dick and jason’s age gap bc it makes more sense this way.

-his parents got jokerified when he was 12, and so did a Lot of people in the Narrows. it absolutely decimated their little community so duke became signal. he didn’t fight crime, he gave back to his community, he helped with the cleanup. bruce ended up basically kidnapping the poor kid. (duke ran away from his foster home because he wasn’t a glorified babysitter or maid, fuck you, he can crash on couches.)

STEPH: 16

-again, wanted to keep the age gap between steph and tim the same but keeping steph the older one. makes more sense this way!! leave me alone.

-became spoiler at 13, was only spoiler for a year before she became shadow at 14 for about six months in between damian and jason. there was a six month period as well where bruce didn’t have a shadow and alfred literally had to bribe steph to be shadow bc he wasn’t abt to let a kid run around the gotham night without knowing batman was two steps ahead of them. plus, having a kid with him made bruce more cautious.

TIM: 15

-FINALLY got to mimicking the age gap between dick and jason in canon

-never becomes shadow, actually, he takes bab’s spot as their computer wiz. doesn’t call himself oracle though because he fucking sucks at making names. calls himself override (barf).

-also, steph is the only one who hes told he’s override to and also knows the batfam’s identities

-duke knows tim is override bc he’s scary like that!! tim doesn’t know duke knows he’s override, but duke knows that tim knows their identities and tim Also doesn’t know that. duke is fr terrifying. love him.

-tim figured out the batfam because of duke’s meta abilities bc he’s also scary like that

Jason: 14

-oh, he’s… currently out of commission. became shadow at 12.

-didn’t die in ethiopia, because fuck that plot. he was doing a stakeout but the joker had kidnapped this itty little baby (an eight year old boy) who he found running around the gotham night. jason went out of commission saving that little boy. what does out of commission mean? who knows. could be dead. could be severely injured. kidnapped. the possibilities are endless.

-i think it’s fucked that the comic fans voted for a fifteen year old to die by the joker. y’all are crazy.

cass: 13

-mimicking jason and cass’ age gap with cass being younger bc it makes more sense leave me alone

-isn’t a Batman approved shadow (yet) but she shadows batman anyways after jason’s… indisposed. the bonus is that batman doesn’t Know he has a shadow but gotham is kept in the dark abt shadow being (redacted) because cass and jason had the same exact fucking build, okay, jason hasn’t gotten his growth spurt yet (because of childhood malnutrition) . weird how batman lost weight though, after he went on that rage incident after the latest arrest of the joker. he’s leaner now. (is it the same batman? who knows.)

dick: 8

-mimicking the tim and damian age gap, bc it’s six years in my head leave me alone.

-huh, jason went out of commission saving an eight year old and dick is eight… suspicious. coincidence? hm.

babs: 7

-mimicking the babs and dick age gap but with babs being younger bc i think she’s older in canon? unsure. DC please i’m going to kill you and then me.

[lunaviee]

drunk rin headcanons!

itoshi rin x reader headcanons

tags/warnings: alcohol, fluff/crack, all characters are 22+, ooc?, not proof read

synopsis: how your constantly stoic boyfriend would act drunk

authors notes: this was such a random idea and idek where i got it from honestly. definitely out of character but like he’s also drunk soo??

word count: 2k

imma be so fr, drunk rin is adorable but bro NEVER shows it

he’s not a light weight and can hold his alcohol pretty well, but he never really drinks. he thinks it’s a waste and is overall just bad for your body.

but one day his team all had a party at reo’s penthouse and you managed to convince rin to go with you. he really only went for you, not wanting any of his friends around you alone with alcohol

after some time, isagi challenged him to a dumb drinking game. maybe he wanted to impress you or maybe he just didn’t want isagi to win, but he agreed nonetheless

now keep in mind, this is rin we’re talking about, so it’s really rare for him to participate in something like this. it was stupid and chaotic as hell with all of their friends cheering them on with each drink, nagi even recording the whole thing

of course you had to record as well so you sat yourself on a chair across from your boyfriend to really get a good view of what he was getting himself into

several shots later, isagi tapped out, causing the group of guys to burst into cheers and laughter. they both looked like they were gonna barf. like, their heads were down on the table and bachira shaking and jumping on them definitely didn’t help

not even an hour later, isagi was out COLD on reo’s couch but everyone else was still fucking around, making even more dumb drinking games

okay, now on to the actual rin headcanons HEHE

he becomes veryy affectionate and just kinda wants to be around you for the rest of the night. you being the amazing partner you are, and wanting to save his dignity from his friends, managed to sneak to one of reo’s guest bedrooms for rin to calm down in

surprisingly, he’s a more calm drunk. like he just gets sleepy and stuff, but he gets CLINGY. like he’s draping himself over you and gets all whiny if you move an inch.

saying stuff like “quit moving, i’m trying to sleep” or “where are you going?” and just being an affectionate, grouchy baby

he’s laying in between your legs with his head on your chest in a comfortable silence, the moonlight being the only source of illumination in the room

you obviously want him to get some rest but not necessarily in his teammates house, so you have to convince him to go back home;

————————————————————————

“hey, rinnieee..you awake, love?” you tease with a giggle, still carding your fingers through his hair

“yeah..” he grumbles

“you wanna go back home?”

“no..wanna stay with you more..’m tired…” his words slurring with each coming second. he sinks his face deeper into your chest as his grip tightens, as if you’d actually leave without him

you don’t even try to hide the large smile on your face, he was so soft like this! just like putty in your hands that melted more with each touch. his head tilted upwards towards your exposed shoulder, leaving kisses all over. not necessarily marks, just soft touches that led up your neck

he travels his way to your face, his elbow propping him up while his free hand cupped your cheek. sweet, quiet giggles escaped your lips with each kiss he gave you, causing his heart to soar. (he LOVES your laugh and your smile like he’d kill for it)

it was rare for rin to have such a beautiful smile on his face, paired with the song of his laughter. giggles filled the bedroom, you leaning against the headboard of the bed and rin still on top of you. the moonlight highlighted his frame perfectly and you just sat there, staring at your boyfriends pretty face for a second before speaking up,

“you’re really pretty, you know that?” you cupped his face, nudging your foreheads together, both still giggling like teenagers. of course, you had always given rin these compliments, but it seemed that he only let them affect him like this when in such a vulnerable, drunken state.

at this point, rin was drunk on many things; alcohol, sleepiness, kisses, love.

you pulled him in for another kiss, this one lasting longer, with more passion. his emotions and the alcohol seem to have gotten to him in that moment, pulling away with a sleepy smile only to collapse back onto your shoulder.

more kisses were smeared on your collar bone, incoherent mumbles leaving his lips, “god i love you”

“i love too, my rinnie. now, as much as i adore you kissing me like this, i think it’s time we go home, yeah?” you suggest, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

silence.

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.

“5 more minutes..”

————————————————————————

soon enough, you managed to drag him out of the party and say your goodbyes

you drove home, obviously

and just like that, the whiny, clingy itoshi rin was back, begging you to just come to bed

at this point, he was just getting grumpy. all tired and wanting his love in his arms :(

soon enough, your nightly routine was finished and boy did he hold you TIGHT

though, the evening came and went and the dreaded hangover had finally begun

————————————————————————

beams of sunlight peaked through the window blinds, casting its rays on your boyfriends cute face. you pulled away a bit to take in his sleeping form; cheek smooshed against his pillow with dark bangs scattered across his face. the lack of warmth on his chest caused rin to instinctively pull you closed to him, shoving your face onto his collarbone.

a giggle bubbles in your chest, leaving light kisses on the strikers chest. minutes passed and he woke up, inhaling sharply with a rugged groan. rin buried his face deeper into your neck as an attempt to shield away from the sunlight, but unfortunately, his headache was there to stay.

“ughh. stupid isagi. stupid headache. ‘ts all..lukewarm nd stupid.” he was rambling, trying to distract himself from the throbbing of his head.

“weren’t you the one that agreed?” you teased, a giggle flowing out of your mouth.

silence.

“he shouldn’t have asked in the first place.” he grumbled back, clearly not wanting to accept that he’s in the wrong

“mhmm right, alright well let’s cure that hangover of yours, hm?” you shifted out of his grasp to get a painkiller and some water

warm, lithe fingers wrapped around your wrist, pulling you back into bed. “wait…..don’t..don’t leave yet” his eyes shifted with embarrassment, pulling the blanket closer to him.

“wh- huh? rin, babe, im just going to get you some painkillers so your headache won’t bother you” you laugh out, a curious look painting your face

“yeah well…do that later. i can deal with it for a bit longer” his grip tightened around your waist, warm cheeks flush against your collarbone

and so that’s how you spent a good chunk of your morning, until he started groaning and complaining and finally let you get him some medicine

————————————————————————

you obviously tease him about this for AT LEAST a week, because he’s your darling boyfriend and you have to

but, he’d never have it any other way <3

AHHH IM SUCH A SUCKER FOR SOFT RIN ITS NOT OKAYYY

this is very out of character but it warms my soul so just go with it. i hope this is good bc i wrote it while i was supposed to be doing homework LOLL

imma be honest, i really hate this but i wanted to publish SOMETHING so yeah don’t hate me for this guys i need advice

written by lunaviee feb 2023, do not repost, copy, or translate any of my works.

[oneforthemunny]

hi! this is so silly lmao but my birthday is on tuesday the 21st (barf im turning 25) BUT if your requests are open, i was wondering if you could do a little eddie blurb (any one of the eddie’s i love them all sm) dealing with the readers birthday and how she doesn’t want to make a big deal of it (she secretly wants to but shhh) because aging is freaking her out but eddie makes it special and calms her down (this is soooo not self indulgent at all not in the slightest that would be soooo silly and crazy)

so sorry if this request is like so vague i’m just going through it fr! i love your work ive been binging it so much lately. no worries at all if you can’t get to this. okay i’m going to shut up talking now. love u!

happy happy birthday!!!! i've been saving this one for you <3 also 25 is so fun!!! anything but 23 truly. for this... i'm going with mafia!eddie lol. hope you enjoy!!!

"Baby," Eddie hummed, rounding the corner with a telephone note in hand. "Rosie said you got a call to confirm your appointment with Dr. Crothers?" His eyes met yours carefully, bleak, but scanning.

"Are you feeling alright?" He pressed, looking at you through the bathroom mirror. Your rigid posture, how you froze- even for just a moment- when the name was mentioned. Eddie didn't miss it.

"Yeah," You nodded, fingers brushing over your brows, smoothing them into place. "I- It's not that kind of appointment."

Eddie paused, waiting for you to continue. "What kind of appointment it is then?" He pressed, voice even and calm. "You're- You're not-"

"-No." You shook your head quickly. "No, I-I'm not. It's just for botox, Ed." The heat rushed to your cheeks, head ducking down to your chest.

"Botox?"

"Yeah, just a little bit. I-I read that you're supposed to get it early before you start really showing signs of aging, and it will help you not look so old in the future." You were rambling, heart buzzing furiously.

"You don't look old, baby." Eddie shook his head lightly, shoulders dropping.

He knew what this was about. You'd been off since the start of the month- your birth month. A whole month where all Eddie wanted to do- and did do- was spoil you, smother you in affection and drown you with gifts. Instead, you'd been cold, reserved.

"You don't have to do that." Your voice was soft, eyes dropping to the counter. "I'm twenty five-"

"-Exactly." Eddie rolled his eyes, scoffing lightly. "What's the matter? You're still young. Still hot." He muttered, tattooed hands brushing over your jean clad ass, squeezing your right cheek gently.

"Stop." You giggled gently, his lips finding your neck, nose buried in the perfume soaked skin- perfume he'd just bought you- lips sucking playfully at the sensitive skin.

"What's wrong?" Eddie muttered, arms heavy around your waist, an anchor that pulled you into him, steadied you. "Why are you being like this?"

You let your head rest against his shoulder, deflating in his hold. "I just feel weird." You mutter. "Getting older is weird. I still feel like I'm seventeen sometimes."

"Well, I'm glad you're not." Eddie snorted lightly, grinning at you through the mirror, squeezing your sides to make you squeal. "Glad you're twenty five. I hope you always get older with me."

You blushed, head lolling to the side, looking up at him. "You're sweet."

"I mean it." Eddie muttered, nose brushing over yours. "Not everybody gets to get older. A lot of people around me would've given anything to get older, keep having birthdays. It's not a bad thing."

You knew he was talking about his mom, maybe Jacob- his old business partner and friend.

"Besides, on birthdays," Eddie grinned, pulling away gently. "You get gifts."

"You do that all the time." You mumble, letting him pull you out of the bathroom, tugging on your hand, leading you to the stairs.

"Yeah, but not like this." Eddie grinned, that glint of devious excitement in his eyes, leaving you spinning.

He covered your eyes with his hands, a side stepped kind of dance into the sitting room, off of the garage.

"I told you not to get me anything else." You laugh, hands on his wrists to steady yourself while he guided you. "You already got me too much."

"Yeah, you're gonna like this one though, baby. Promise." You could hear Eddie's smug grin through his tone. "Alright, Gare."

There was a shuffling, a grunt of struggle from Gareth, and for a second- you really were clueless what Eddie could have possibly gotten you.

Then you heard it.

The faint whine of excited struggle.

The gasp that tore from your chest had Eddie flinching. You shoved his hands off your eyes, blinking to clear your vision, when you saw Gareth.

Standing in the middle of the room.

Wrangling a squirming, excited puppy in his arms.

"You-You didn't." Your hands flew to your mouth, eyes shining up at Eddie. He stood proudly, smile beaming with joy.

"The shelter in Bedford called last night. Gareth went and got him this morning." Eddie shrugged. "Happy birthday."

You took the excited, squirming puppy from Gareth, a sweet, baby Doberman that looked just like his brothers but with floppy ears that were too big for his size- it made your heart melt.

"Oh, look at you. You are so precious, yes you are." You cooed, nose nuzzling into the soft fur. The puppy whined excitedly, licking at your cheeks, clawing up your shoulder to get closer to you.

"He's so sweet!" You squealed, hugging the puppy closer. "You're so sweet." You look at Eddie, love drunk and starry eyed.

"Anything for you, beautiful. You know that." Eddie muttered, finger hooking under your chin, pulling you in for a sweet kiss. Well, part of a sweet kiss, until the puppy was licking at the both of you. Eddie snarled, wiping his face dramatically, your pouting glare stopping him from snapping.

[skyss-personal-hell]

Biting their cheeks lmao. That's it. That's the whole thought (Take this as you will)

YES! Idk if u want this as hcs or a fic/imagine sooooo i’m doing hcs and a tiny crumb of fic. ALSO BROSKIS I HAVE NO IDEAS💔💔💔 PLS SEND SOME IN MY MIND IS A WINDTUNNEL (don’t ask how many times it took to try and spell that😭) idk if it’s just me or nah but i bite people to show affection so that’s how i’m using this. Literally went to a friends house and bit their shoulder so now they’re buying me a chewable thingy💀

Since I didn’t say any characters uhhhh fuck it I’ll pick some randos.

Jouno (like always bc i have an obsession w this man)

• Would be so confused

• Like wtf did u do to him

• Would probs be a bitch to u about it like “wtf was that for you idiot”

• You’d have to be like “I’m showing u affection” even then he’d still think ur weird asf

• if he’s feeling playful and having a good day he’d bite back

• the first time you do this he just turns to ur direction (i wanted to say he just stares but uh…………… he’s kinda blind sooooo idk how to word this) and stands there very confused and slightly concerned.

“What the hell was that?”

“I bit you.”

“Well no shit, but why?”

“Because why not…?”

He sighs and and face palms.

(PLS HES SO DONE)

Dazai

• Would bite back (probably harder)

• Like u just nip at him and he goes chomp

• high key funny asf

• Acts like nothing happened after he FEROCIOUSLY BIT U😡

• First time you did this he thought you were gonna give him a kiss on the cheek lmaooo

• He went from smiling to confusion to smug and bit u back

• He’s basically playing russian roulette after this and trying to guess whether you’ll bite him or give him a lil kith (i like saying that word lol)

You lean in close to his cheek, Dazai was expecting your lips on his cheep but then suddenly…

“Did you just bite me?”

Your smirk says everything. Then he bites your cheek and smiles.

“I can bite too dear.”

Ranpo (never written for him sorry if it’s bad😭 i had a random bsd wheel decide who all to be here)

• He bites you first one day bc why not and now you both just randomly bite each other

•This man will literally get off his seat to grab more candy, see you on the way, and just nibble on u before going to his snacks.

• He knew you were going to bite him bro knows everything. He knew there was a s l i g h t chance you’d give him a peck on the cheek but it was more than likely you’d just go “nom” and bite him

• Biting becomes your love language. (me fr)

You walk up to your victim boyfriend and bite his cheek. Ranpo huffs out and starts to plan his next attack.

When you’re sitting down enjoying lunch he comes up behind you and…

BITES YOU ON THE SHOULDER!

“Nom.”

Yosano (once again ty to the random generator✨✨)

• Would sigh and call you childish probs pat ur head too

• Tells you about how humans have the most absolutely nasty mouths and so it’s unsanitary

• Eventually decides “fuck it” and bites back

• Only harder.

“Sweetheart I know you think it’s cute but human bites are some of the most dangerous bites. The infection rate is very high.”

You pour at her and she sighs

“You’re so childish.”

Yosano pats your head and walks away.

Later that day you’re filling out important paperwork when Yosano sneaks up behind you and bites you.

She then snickers before speaking.

“I can see the appeal now.”

RAAAA IM SORRY FOR NOT POSTING MUCH I HAD MENTAL ISSUES LMAOOOO BUT IM CHILL NOW! Anyways I love biting people it’s so fun, I’ve bitten practically everyone around me because it just like feels loving to me. Also I don’t think I’ve mentioned this here but I LOVE YOSANO AND KOUYOU AND JUST LIKE ALL THE ADULT GIRLS IN BSD😛 I LOVE WOMEN🔥🔥 And I also love Kajii sm he’s my pookie smookie cherry barf koolaid kitten queef king💜

[parkjaysprada]

𝐅𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 ▸ park jongseong

PAIRING: park jongseong x fem!oc

SUMMARY: choi luna hated how everyone in her university adores and idolizes park jay, hybe university’s good-looking dance team captain. hence, she posted an anonymous rant about him on her twitter account. she didn’t know she’ll be in the middle of chaos when her friend in belift international high school mentioned park jay’s twitter user on her said tweet.

GENRE: social media au, college au, fluff, oblivious!jay, oblivious!oc, one-sided enemies to friends to lovers (slight), romance, slow burn, wholesome, crack, and humor.

FEATURING: enhypen, le sserafim, mentions of tomorrow x together

WARNING: poor grammar, misspelled words, profanity, inappropriate jokes, mentions of food, self-doubt-ish, and my broken humor.

STATUS: completed

TAGLIST: closed!!

NOTE: keep in mind that the character portrayal of enhypen, le sserafim or any members of other groups that may appear or mention in this story does NOT reflect how they are in real life in any aspect as this book is written in pure FICTION.

a/n: hellooooo~ this is my first time posting on tumblr. also, i suck at making banners, so please bear with this smau’s banner. please do NOT expect too much about this fic. there’s a lot of filler chapters and just lame in general, i don’t want to disappoint y’all.

yes, le sserafim’s yunjin is my oc’s face claim because i love her will all my heart. stan enhypen & le sserafim everyone!

PROFILES: SUITE LIFE OF EUNCHAE & RIKI | JAY & HIS PROBLEMS

CHAPTERS:

001 ... be careful what you wish for ;)

002 ... i don’t know what just happened.

003 ... that was me being stupid

004 ... do you want us to get kicked in the ass?

005 ... oh, baby...

006 ... how can i change your mind?

007 ... i <3 u too

008 ... that cat is jay’s tail

009 ... can’t wait to meet that adorable young man

010 ... yeah, what Jay said

011 ... can’t say the same lol

012 ... when someone cooked better than you.

013 ... i know.

014 ... i love you already.

015 ... you think they can stop me

016 ... if i didn’t know you already, i’d say you like jay secretly

017 ... YOUR WHAT???

018 ... i’m telling Yeonjun.

019 ... make up your mind girl

020 ... YOU GUYS WENT OUT AND DIDN’T TOLD ME?!!!

021 ... 🦋

022 ... tf????

023 ... chill the f out

024 ... are you fr done with it though

025 ... bye everyone

026 ... yes. us too.

027 ... doctor strange

028 ... i will, don’t worry.

029 ... whatever guys.

030 ... no thx ❤️

031 ... ew not you

032 ... fr fr the audacity

033 ... jungwon is... jungwoning

034 ... kids these days really

035 ... i think i just died

036 ... not you too????

037 ... makes me barf

038 ... oh????

039 ... allkpop era

040 ... why so glum?

041 ... the end.

© parkjaysprada, 2022

[peggy-sue-reads-a-book]

Paper Cranes

TW: homophobia, bullying, church abuse, swearing, assault, ED, SH, compulsive exercising, Republicans, purity culture, evangelical crap, but most of all middle school. If I’ve failed to include anything, just let me know. Fr I wrote it for me and posted it for those who might find my experience affirming. I’m all good if you need to scroll right on past a trauma post.

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The first time I ever watched homophobic bullying was in my pastor’s office. All the teens were waiting around a table for our youth pastor. There was one gay boy, a close friend of mine in a relatively small group. From the first week his family joined our church, an older girl in youth group announced to the rest of us that she couldn’t stand him because “he’s too happy and sings too much.” It was true. The new boy was the most cheerful, outgoing person I’d ever met. And he loves to sing.

The same girl gave a similar PSA behind my back when I was new. “We shouldn’t play with her because she’s weird and wears dress up clothes.” I was six. And it was true, I did wear a princess costume every day. Eventually I traded in my tutus for some looks that better reflected internalized misogyny and everyone figured out I’m funny as all shit and can get along with most anyone. I graduated from the bottom of the food chain.

So I shrugged off her hot take on my new friend. I don’t think she liked that her plans to cancel the new guy flopped. Because as we were waiting around that table she jumped up and grabbed his earlobe between her finger nails. She was super proud of her nails. They were long and scraggly like a cat and she was into filing them in public in case anyone felt too safe.

She dug her nails in on either side and no one said anything. You don’t stand up for a boy to a girl. I can’t remember if he tried to swat her off or just took it. It was only a minute but it was a damn long one. Blood started to bead around her nails. Then the door opened and she sat back down. Sunday school started.

Nothing I believed, no books, no paper, no concept of abomination could override what I’d just seen, the revulsion deep in my gut. It was more than rage. More than disgust. I still have no word for it. I was too young and the feelings that well up are still those of a thirteen year old.

It doesn’t matter what you call it. Anger like that is like walking around dead and suddenly finding your pulse because it’s roaring in your ears like a jackhammer.

I prayed to be like everyone else. To care about the same social issues in the same way. The only way I could make sense of my loneliness was that I was cursed in some way. If God loved me, he would make me content with the same values as my peers. But I had just seen someone harm someone else and not a single one of these fine, upstanding kids I’m supposed to make friends with say a damn thing.

A few years later, there was some kinda touchy-feeling Jesus shindig where everyone got real sugared up at night and had a big sing along with some college kids who were supposedly qualified to talk about the deep shit with us. If I mentioned their university you’d recognize it. Hint: assault cover ups

One guy, nineteen or so, must have gotten particularly inspired in the spirit because he starts preaching off-the-cuff about the sins of anorexia, binging, purging, and cutting. I inched backward. I tried hiding behind a football player; I was about half his width after all.

Peggy, what’s up with the bandaids?

I guess I tripped over a wall.

Hey I have a joke. How many Peggies can you fit in the shower? No one knows because—-

— I keep slipping down the drain. Heard that one.

Eat a fucking sandwich, you skinny cunt

The best part of the speech is it was addressed to us about the bad, vague other kids who barfed and otherwise screwed around. Those poor fuck-ups, insulting God’s creation by choosing to defile their bodies.

I couldn’t wait to get home and go for it, but felt a whole lot more like a compulsion than a choice.

I’ve heard this sermon twice, by the way. The second time, the pastor held up a paper crane and asked us to admire its delicacy and the skill it took to make it before shredding it up. Guess he worked hard on that metaphor.

That was me. A paper crane. Pure white, crafted precisely, folded up small. You could pinch my wings between your fingernails and pull them off. I wouldn’t bleed and you could vacuum me up. That was my power. The control in the fine lines and tight folds.

Anyway here I am squirming on my butt and waiting for my chance to burn off my two bites of pizza and Oreos. I’m pretty sure I’d made everyone laugh by scooting the cookies into my mouth from my forehead with no hands. See, everyone, I eat. Yeah, I was gonna have to get in some crunches tonight.

I wondered if I could chug enough lemon water to get diarrhea without being noticed, when somehow, we were looking at each other. The boy’s eyes were bright blue. Ice blue, like in cheesy books. Gay.

Skinny.

Leviticus. The apostle Paul.

Cutter.

It’s a powerful feeling, that two seconds of eye-contact that lets you know you aren’t crazy. That you aren’t the only one in the room who is angry. It is taking a hand to find it as wounded as yours.

Whatever is divine in this world, whatever is true and special and outside of ourselves, it is in the rage you can’t shake. If a voice is telling you that no one deserves to be treated this way, that you inherently do not deserve this, and you say shut up and shut up and shut up and it won’t

Shut up, shut up,

and your only answer is this is bullshit. You should get up and leave

Shut up

I said you are free to walk out,

I can’t,

well then I say you can. I say Truth never left you and you’re not dead.

disclaimer: I did not write this to shit on Christians (I am a Christian) or any tradition in general but the corruption that exists in specific systems

other disclaimer: the other kids in this story were literally also just kids, even the mean ones. I’m pretty sure all of them have grown into sensible adults I’d hang out with. I did not write this to shit on them either.

[strscrossed]

Pls I still haven’t finished the show and was like damn who’s James? Don’t worry I could care less for spoilers 😭

But fr bastard brother eren making his re-entry into court so his brother can “beg” him for the gold needed to keep his throne

James is Mary’s bastard half brother 😭

oh my god now that would absolutely be something 👀👀👀 no I’m really thinking about it now.

no tbh reign fell off during season 2 because of that whole thing with mary and conde (barf) but I still watched the whole thing through.

[tashabilities]

L Glutamine is nasty, but tolerable,  And Whole Foods DID have it.  I got to Publix and didn’t see a steak I wanted,  But that’s cause I went mad late, when I shoulda gone and done these two li’l stops about 10 hours ago. I’m eating cucumber tomato salad with vinaigrette And more gnocchi w/ sausage, different preparation this time,  With chicken stock, white wine and a liiiittle bit of cream, a couple peppers and lots of spinach, Because gnocchi w/ sausage and burritos are my new autistic same foods, like, gotta wear em out in the first month to fully integrate them into my recipe repertoire.  I’m also eating waaaay too late so I’m trying to stop eating waaaay before I’m full. So 6 hours from now when I’m in the rack, I won’t feel like barfing. I have no audio due in the morning, and hella media I could be watching. But now that I’ve integrated a little physical activity in my life, I gotta work around the PMS lethargy, fr fr. 

[manicmarsupial]

Button

You know, I don't think I'll ever have coherent thoughts when it comes to story writing. I literally barf out ideas. So, yeah...enjoy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hosea had managed to trap the strange little thief in his satchel. He desperately wanted to examine the curious oddity he had captured, but a crowded saloon was not the best place. He kept one hand securely over the flap of his bag, preventing the tiny creature from escaping until he’d finished eating.

Hand firmly on his satchel, Hosea left the saloon and mounted up on his horse, trotting to outside the town. Based on how much he could feel the little thing fighting against his hand, he decides not to risk his fingers and puts a thick glove over his hand before gently grabbing the tiny creature.

It could be mistaken for a human…except for the obvious size difference and a long tail. The little thing is squirming, trying to scratch and bite the gloved fingers holding its waist. Hosea changes his grip to a light fist, stopping the flailing arms. He extends a finger toward the tiny creature, who tries to snap at the digit.

“Now that’s not very hospitable of you,” he smiles at its attempt to be fierce.

He can feel it wriggle against his fingers as his other hand moves closer. He carefully runs his finger through the tuft of hair on the creature’s head. The tiny thing looks startled.

“There now, I’m not so bad,” Hosea smiles, keeping his voice soft.

A normal speaking volume might hurt the tiny ears. There were folk tales about races of miniature people, but he never thought he’d ever see one, let alone have one in his hand. The tales called them ‘borrowers’ he recalls. This one, however is not slowing in its struggles.

“Oh, come now. Surely a fearsome creature like yourself isn’t afraid of a frail old man?” he gives a toothy grin.

The borrower takes one look and flails harder, managing to squeeze out of Hosea’s grasp. It pounces off the top of the fingers, only to be grabbed around the waist.

‘Stupid,’ Hosea scolds himself mentally.

‘It probably doesn’t speak English.’

“Slippery little thing, ain’t ya?” he chuckles as the borrower leaps away from his hands, trying at times to clamber up his sleeve.

Eventually he catches the tiny creature, grasping its tail gently between his gloved fingers.

“Shh, little one. I won’t hurt you,” he whispers soothingly, trying to calm them down.

The borrower completely ignores him and tries to swing around, biting and clawing at his leather glove.

Hosea hums in thought, then calls over Silver Dollar. He digs through the saddle bag with his free hand and retrieves a bowl. He holds it just below the flailing borrower, noting with sadness how its eyes widen in horror as it stops attacking his hand and begins trying to jump away.

“It’s alright, you’re going to be safe,” he soothes, placing the borrower into the bowl.

It makes a few unsuccessful attempts to scrabble up the steep edges before curling up at the bottom of the bowl staring at Hosea with wide, terrified eyes.

“There, you can move a little more now,” he places the bowl on the ground, and crouches down, getting a proper look.

It’s absolutely adorable with its tail and oversized ears. Hosea’s stomach makes a grumble, and he rubs his hand over the offending noisemaker.

“I should eat something, you think so?” he smiles as he stands up.

Satisfied his little acquisition can’t escape, Hosea busies himself concocting a mixture of berries and herbs for the borrower, while he can use the rest for dressing. Once he’s satisfied with the mix, he turns to see the tiny creature readying to pounce.

“Don’t even try it,” he laughs, sitting down next to the bowl.

The borrower disregards him entirely and launches itself out of the bowl, to Hosea’s surprise.

He catches it before it lands using the spoon already in his hand. The tiny creature tightens its grip as Hosea bring them closer to his face.

“Now now, don’t be naughty,” he wags his finger at them before dropping them back into the bowl.

Hosea feels sorry for the little wonder, even as he hands them some of the mix, the borrower’s eyes widen. It glances warily at the food, then back to him. Hosea chews his bottom lip in thought.

“Eat,” he gestures to his mouth, hoping it would understand.

The borrower cowers in fear.

“You’re tricky to talk to, ain’t ya?” he smiles.

He runs his tongue over his dry lips. Even his reassuring tone would have gotten past the language barrier, unless…

Hosea extends one hand slightly behind the borrower, the little creature intently watching his face. Hosea snaps his fingers behind the borrower.

It doesn’t react at all. Not even an ear twitch.

“Huh, that explains a bit,” he sighs.

Making sure the borrower is paying attention to him, he takes some of the mix and eats a little of it, then points between the borrower and their portion. He sits back a little, trying not to scare them. It sniffs the mixture tentatively and takes a handful of it. It brings the stuff close to its mouth and looks up at Hosea with a questioning expression.

Hosea nods and smiles, trying not to show his teeth. The borrower eyes him warily as it nibbles the food. Hosea slowly takes off his hat and places it on the ground, then uses his gloves to line it. He cautiously puts his hand in front of the borrower, who flinches back.

He waits patiently and the borrower eventually places a tiny hand on Hosea’s palm before looking up at the man for reassurance. Hosea nods, letting the borrower climb onto his hand. He carefully transfers the small creature to his hat, letting it slide down to make itself comfortable.

Hosea sets up a small camp, glancing at his new acquisition occasionally. It’s watching him with wide curious eyes.

A soft tapping sound prompts Hosea to look at the borrower, now standing on the brim of his hat. It gestures to Hosea’s hand, then does the ‘come here’ motion. Hosea places his hand carefully in front of the creature, who climbs on hesitantly. It fiddles with the cuff of his shirt and taps the button fervently, looking up at Hosea. After making sure he’s watching, the borrower points at themselves, then the button, repeating this sequence several times.

“Button? Is that your name?” Hosea asks.

The little borrower nods happily.

“Well, I’m glad to meet you.”

Button looks startled and leaps off Hosea’s hand.

“What’s wrong? Did something scare you?” Hosea instinctively moves a hand closer to his gun belt.

Button seems to ponder this, then hops forward a little. They put a front paw in the dirt, then drag it along. Hosea realizes Button is drawing. His joints protest as he leans closer to get a better look. Button’s drawing, he realizes, is of a mouth. Button points to the mouth, then to Hosea. Next, they point into the mouth, then at themselves, looking with a horrified expression back up at Hosea, who realizes Button thinks he wants to eat them.

Hosea shakes his head and draws a cross through the mouth. He thinks for a few seconds, then draws in the dirt. Button watches in confusion, squeaking in fright as Hosea’s hand appears beside them. They cautiously climb onto his palm, bracing as Hosea slowly lifts them up. He points at his little drawing and points to Button. Button points to themselves with a questioning expression. Hosea nods, adding a picture of a button next to the drawing of the borrower.

Hosea was quite proud of himself, and that was saying something. He’d made the strange little creature trust him. Not completely, but they weren’t running away or trying to bite him. For someone who prided himself on being an eloquent silver-tongued conman, he was admittedly out of his depth when he discovered the tiny creature had no hearing. However, Button had proved to be quite an artist and fairly intelligent, managing to communicate their name to him.

Currently the borrower was curled up in his hat, soundly sleeping, its tail coiled in front of their nose. Deciding to turn in, carefully moves his hat under his tent, trying not to wake Button, before going to sleep on his own bedroll.

Button wakes up trembling from a nightmare. It’s no secret that humans are cruel, the green scarves especially. Button alone, has had many bad experiences, but this human has been nice, which was incredibly confusing. The man, though surprised, was patient and understanding. It struck Button as highly unusual, even by the standard of their own family. But human or borrower, this man was being nice.

Button, now wide awake, peeks over the brim of the man’s hat, studying the human in the dim moonlight. The lines on the face aren’t as pronounced while he sleeps, and the moonlight seems to make his white hair shine. Around the man’s waist, Button can see a brown belt, with two metal things. They don’t know what the things are, except for the fact fire erupts, then death and destruction is delivered. Button’s only knowledge that these things are loud is the rattling shake when the fire erupts.

Many green scarves have these things, and do not hesitate to deliver death. This man, however, has a scarf, but red, and only went to reach for the metal death-bringer when Button was afraid. But he didn’t bring it out when he realized it was him Button was scared of.

Pondering for a moment, Button clambers up to sit on the man’s chest, finding the slow breathing soothing. The man’s red scarf sets him aside from the other death-bringer carriers, and he’s alone rather than with a group. Button slides down to curl up under the man’s red scarf, a reminder this man is not a cruel green scarf. The slight, constant tremor of the man’s pulse lulls Button to sleep.

The slight discomfort under his Adam’s apple startles Hosea awake. A life on the run has honed his reflexes to respond to anything that could remotely be life threatening, in this case, pressure on his windpipe. Though, as he opens his eyes, expecting to see someone throttling him, there’s nobody there. Curious, he glances down at where the pressure is. He almost laughs in relief when he sees Button’s tail swishing slightly from under his scarf. Grinning to himself, Hosea carefully reaches for a book, letting his new friend sleep.

Hosea had read a few chapters when he felt Button move, the little paws almost tickling his neck. When their head pops out from under the scarf, the poor thing still looks frightened of him.

“Hello Button,” he gives a smile, slowly moving one hand closer.

Button remains wary, even as Hosea extends a finger. A look of surprise spreads over Button’s face as Hosea gently strokes them behind the ear. The old conman is pleasantly surprised when, as he goes to take his hand away, Button wraps their arms around his fingers and pulls it back to near their ear. Hosea resumes stroking, chuckling as the borrower leans into his touch.

Hosea was a bit concerned. He’d been nothing but nice to Button, yet the borrower kept casting wary glances. He can’t take the suspense. He gently taps Button on the shoulder, giving them a little scritch behind the ear. Hosea uses his free hand to gesture to his face, imitating Button’s expression, then points to Button. Button alternates between looking at Hosea, then off into the distance.

Suddenly jumping away from of Hosea, Button starts drawing in the dirt. First, two borrowers, one with a button logo. Hosea points to the other one and gives Button a questioning look. Button taps their chin in thought, then holds two hands out as fists, then wraps the fingers of one hand around the fist if the other, before putting both hands to their chest with a content expression. Given the context, Button probably means friend. Hosea nods in understanding.

Button takes a while to draw out the story. They finish drawing a hat on one human character, before giving Hosea a startled look, then bolting off into the undergrowth.

Hosea feels a sad ache deep in his heart. Taking a breath to compose himself, he grabs his magnifying glass and studies Button’s story. It appears Button and a friend were caught by a human and tortured. Hosea nearly drops his magnifying glass when he finds out this human ate Button’s friend while Button saw it all.

Pattering footsteps make Hosea look up. Button has returned with an armful of leaves. They take one to the drawing of the eating human, placing the bright green leaf around the neck of the drawing like a scarf.

Hosea unsheathes his knife and stabs the image of the O’Driscoll, startling Button to jump in fright to avoid the blade. Hosea scoops up the borrower, holding them against his chest, finger curled around them protectively.

He immediately realizes it was a stupid thing to do. Part of him wants to be selfish and keep Button with him, but he doesn’t want the borrower to feel trapped. Curiously, Button doesn’t seem to be fighting. Their tiny hands and feet are light enough to only tickle his palms, and he can feel the tail swishing lightly. Hosea opens his hands slightly, trying not to frighten Button. Button, however, upon poking their head out from between Hosea’s fingers, is grinning broadly despite narrowly avoiding a knife blade then being swept up into a giant’s hands.

[kuroo-shitsurou]

Forgetful (Juban)

note: i promise more genshin and haikyuu content will come soon but i really need to dump all the a3 crap i wrote when i was high on caffeine and fatigue.

word count: 945

Banri Settsu was a person who didn't like to think.

Banri was never much of a thinker. He was naturally talented in everything, that's why he found it unnecessary to second guess or even plan out the things that he'd be doing. Hell, he passed high school with flying colors by flipping through the textbooks ten minutes before their exams.

Apart from that, Banri loved Saturdays.

It was the day when the director let them have free days to do whatever they wanted to do. Usually, Banri would be chilling with Itaru and gaming. There also happened to be a special time-limited event in one of their video games, which is why Banri's phone has been blowing up with constant texts and DMs from Itaru asking him where he was and why the hell he wasn't online to co-op yet.

Banri hated thinking and he loved Saturdays. That's why he was genuinely confused as to why he wasn't gaming with Itaru on this particular Saturday

Why was he walking towards the jewelry store again?

Oh.

It was Hyodo's birthday in a couple of weeks.

Much to his dismay, Banri actually caught feelings for his roommate not long after their first performance together. To be honest, everyone in the troupe already caught on, but Banri refused to admit it until a good three months after it happened. It was quite hilarious, really. Seeing Banri "accidentally" bring home an extra pudding cup for Juza to eat one too many times always made Omi and Taichi giggle amongst themselves.

To Banri's surprise, his rival actually reciprocated his feelings. Apparently, Hyodo was also intrigued by how Banri motivated him to keep doing better in all the things he was doing. Though Banri would never admit it, that always sent warm sensations tugging at his heartstrings. He'd rather just say, "Shut up, Hyodo." than blush and act flattered at his boyfriend's kind words.

Boyfriend.

Banri dug his hands in the pockets of his gray hoodie as a faint red spread across his pale cheeks. His bleached hair was covered by the hood, which made him look oddly suspicious walking down the street with a brisk and sloppy pace. Nobody needed to know that the Banri Settsu was blushing at the thought of stupid, crappy, pretty Hyodo while he was walking to the damn jewelry store to get a stupid, crappy, pretty birthday gift for him.

He quickly checked his phone to keep his mind off the idea of Juza in their bedroom, still asleep and probably dreaming about shoving another scone in his mouth.

Taruchi: Where the heck are u lolol I'm gonna leave u the event is starting in like 20 minutes

He tapped out a reply to notify his gaming companion.

NEO: Lolol I'm out the dorm I left like an hour ago I gotta grab something real quick

A speech bubble appeared by Itaru's display photo, signifying that he was typing something out.

Taruchi: LOL better get ur ass back here real quick if you don't want to get left behind. I'm assuming ur boyfriend is with u too??

Banri's eyebrows furrowed together.

NEO: Wdym?? I didn't leave with him

Taruchi: Oh fr? Azuma said he saw Juza leave the dorm earlier today I thought u were together lolol

Banri swore that Hyodo was still asleep when he left. There was a lump under his blanket and everything

Oh.

NEO: LOL dunno where he's at. DM me if he comes home, I'll be back to play the event later

Taruchi: Kk

Was he that dumb to fall for the old pillow under the sheets trick? Nevermind that, where did Hyodo run off to? How dare he leave the dorm and not tell him where he was going? Not that he particularly cared.

"Stupid Hyodo," He muttered, obviously pissed. His strides became longer and faster, a sign that he was, indeed, royally pissed at the idea that Hyodo dared to go somewhere without informing him first. Did the boyfriend status not mean anything to him at all???

It wasn't even Hyodo's birthday until a couple of weeks from now, and yet he already went out to buy a gift for him. As cheesy at it may sound, Banri wanted to buy a promise ring. Ew, gross, disgusting, revolting. Why did he want to buy a promise ring anyway?

To remind Hyodo that he'd be there for him whenever he needed someone.

To remind Hyodo that he's no longer a (complete) rival, but rather an inspiration to continue achieving their dreams together.

To promise Hyodo that he'd never leave him.

To promise Hyodo all the things that he could never put into words.

Banri shook his head. This was getting too embarrassing to even think about.

He put his hand on the cold metal bar on the door of the jewelry store he liked and pushed it open.

"Hyodo wouldn't even want it," He whispered.

He'd just think that it was weird, creepy, too fast, too cheesy, too sappy. Definitely not a Banri Settsu kind of gift, but what was so wrong with wanting to let him know that he just wants to care about his boyfriend? Banri felt like he was going to barf.

"He'd probably be satisfied with a 10-pack of pudding."

He thought about the possible alternatives he could buy for Hyodo.

His eyes flitted up to see a familiar set of amber eyes looking wide and surprised.

"S-Settsu?!"

"W-What the hell're you doin' here?!"

"Ah, is the ring for him, sir? How charming."

Banri blinked twice.

Banri Settsu didn't like to think.

He also liked Saturdays.

He checked the date.

September 7th.

He forgot his own birthday.

[derireo]

The way I SMILED at the nicknames from Autumn Troupe, especially at NYAM AND PUDDING T^T Im curious about the other troupes now, if it's okay;;

yes!! the nicknames i chose for juza are really cute– i rlly wish we could get sound clips of the va saying them tbh LOL. sry this one took a bit of time, i had difficult figuring out the other troupes,, for those who haven't seen it yet, here's autumn troupe's!

Spring, Summer, Winter Troupes: Pet Names

He doesn't understand how pet names work!

He'll probably just call you _______ Chan!

Okay, but fr lol,,. I don't really see him using pet names? The way he speaks is already affectionate as it is and he uses the Chan honorific a lot with you in a sweet manner. Maybe when he's older and feels more comfortable, he'll call you something like Babe!

Babe (public & private)

Baby ("")

My love ("")

It's cheesy, all of them, but he makes it work somehow??? There is just so much love in his voice when he calls you by any of these names, so much so that it even stuns the other members and people around him, haha. You know that heart animation when Izumi does the bare minimum? That's what he looks like when he calls for you.

Dude (public & private)

Babe ("")

Sweetheart {"")

Calls you by your name most of the time, says Dude when he's playing a video game or something– not that you mind too much. Is normally whining when he's using a pet name, but don't worry, he is very affectionate with them as well. Whenever he comes back from work, he mutters a soft, but tired: "I'm home, Sweetheart." and it's sho cute! 

Princess (public & private)

My love ("")

Sweetheart ("")

Truly, a prince. These pet names are all used very playfully, but serious at the same time. He's not shy to use them and he gets really confused when he sees how flustered you get after calling for you. He wishes you wouldn't though, he truly sees you as a princess!! He's really close to asking you to marry him!!!!!

Cutie (private)

Bun (private)

Tsuzuru does not like using pet names outside of private life. From what I remember from the story, he doesn't share a lot about himself with the others and even gets upset with Kazunari when he mentions something without his permission. Tsuzuru really likes you, no doubt, but he prefers to be all sweet and loving to you when nobody's looking. In a way, nicknames have become really special between you guys.

He'll pass out before he even gets a word in

I'm not even joking, he reads so much shoujo manga that he'd get super excited to be having this chance. He'd think of something super romantic to say as he like did a fucking kabedon on you lol but legit he'll black out before anything happens LMAOO

No nicknames for u LOL

He would barf if he was forced to call u something other than ur name. He'll probably just stick with 'idiot" and leave it at that; don't expect too much from Yuki 😔

Stubborn brat,,,,, He Will get really embarrassed if you ask him to call you something cute, and he'll relent, but seriously? He'll never do it again unless You Beg.

Cutie (public)

He gets flustered easily, he's not going to be able to call you anything else LMAO!!! He may act all cool but his game is Weak, so don't let his acting chops fool you, baby. Cutie is mostly used in a teasing manner, but he really means it. He thinks you are awfully cute, d'aw come here and let me give u a hug

Saan! (public & private)

Kaku! ("")

Literally just triangle, he's not too creative, but he likes the ring to it. He only uses these when he hasn't seen you the whole day and he spots you across the room or something. He'll call for you all of a sudden and it'll startle everyone who is within a 10-mile radius from him. (idk how far that reaches im canadian)

Beb (private)

Hon (strictly– no honey. public & private)

Beb is a sups affectionate nickname and it sounds so much better than 'babe' when it comes out of his mouth! He only uses it in private though because he thinks it's super adorable how you respond when he says it. Also, Honey is too long of a word (too many syllables) and Hon totally suits his style! It really goes BAM for him and that's wickedt

'Mello (public & private)

Floofs (private)

He likes soft things. 'Mello being the last part of marshmallow and Floofs because he Loves resting his head in your lap cause ur thighs go squish and then he go night night. Doesn't really see the point in nicknames tbh, but he gets really lazy calling your own name sometimes. + he thinks he embarrasses you when he calls you by your pet name.

Beloved (public & private)

Sweetheart ("")

Love ("")

He's got a lot to call you. He is a poet, but I am not so I can't give you anything better than this! It's romantic though isn't it, haha. You're his muse, so a lot of his poems are inspired by the daily things you two do together. Beloved is probably one of his favourite things to call you because it rolls off his tongue so nicely, he uses this nickname the most. Love and Sweetheart are used in whispers or when he wants only you to hear it when having a conversation in public.

Bud, probably (i hate him. public)

Sweetheart (when he's feeling like a bad bitch! private)

Baby (private)

I've got this love-hate thing with Tasuku, but don't worry, I don't actually hate him. Nicknames aren't really his thing, hence the Bud only being used in public. Baby is the nickname he uses when he is feeling very affectionate and loving, but Sweetheart is his greatest weapon of all. He uses it with his low voice, using that rumble from his chest as he holds you in his arms, his large hands trailing up your body. When Sweetheart is uttered, the lilt in his voice shows how amused he is by your trembling.

Petal (public & private)

Buttercup ("")

So sweet. What a sweet boy. Considering he loves flowers, I wouldn't put it past him to call you Petal or Buttercup. And he loves loves loves using them too! Petal is used when he's addressing you during a conversation or just wanting to catch your attention. Buttercup is mostly used when he's greeting you with a hello or goodbye! He even laughs sometimes when he uses your nicknames, but they make him feel all soft and fuzzy inside!

Little Bunny (private)

Pup (private)

Baby (public)

Honey/Hon (public)

He's got so much of these up his sleeve, you better prepare your funeral in advance because He's Not Paying lmao. He really likes the animal nicknames though, they're very cute and suit you quite well.... A little erotic though so he's sparse when he uses them lol. Baby and Honey sounds so nice coming from him, his voice is so decadent and slow and he smirks a little when he uses it on you!

[xxx-cat-xxx]

Broken Bottles Form A Star

Characters: Natasha & Clint

Word Count: 2k

Tags: Natasha Romanov is not a Robot, Clint Barton is a Good Bro, Friendship, Alcohol abuse, References to sexual coercion, Vomiting

Summary: Clint isn’t sure whether he can fix any of this. He knows for certain that she doesn’t want him to. But whatever mess Natasha is, part of her has become his mess by now.

A/N: Thanks so much to @whumphoarder​ for beta reading!

Natasha is still wearing her rented $3,000 evening gown. In the run-down pub, the shimmering green fabric laced with precious stones makes her stand out like a peacock in a crowd of ravens, but apparently she’s been slumped over the bar long enough that the regular crowd stopped paying attention. Most of them have congregated around a table in the corner, playing cards and taking turns cursing loudly in a language Clint only knows fragments of.

Make-up is smeared all around Nat’s eyes and her head is essentially lolling on her elbows, almost hitting the top of the counter every few seconds before she drags it back up. It can’t have been more than three hours since they separated—Clint in search for the best beef stroganoff that Saint Petersburg has to offer, Nat ostensibly to meet an old friend. He should have never believed her in the first place, given that Nat’s use of that word invariably involves quotation marks, but he has to give it to her that she managed to get hammered very efficiently in the brief period since then.

He plants himself squarely in her field of vision, knowing better than to touch her. “We’re leaving,” he states.

Nat squints hard to force her eyes to focus on him, then opens her mouth as if to object. Instead, her shoulder hitch and she belches a mouthful of alcoholic breath into his face. Clint wrinkles his nose but doesn’t move an inch.

She swallows thickly. “‘S place’s a shithouse,” she announces before slipping down from the barstool without any of her usual grace.

“Exactly.” Clint is secretly glad for her lack of resistance; the last thing he needs after today’s mission is making it into the local news for the bar fight that would certainly start if it looked like he was taking her away against her will. He locates Nat’s coat on the stool next to her and places it over her shoulders. 

“Put that on,” he orders. She doesn’t make any attempt to move, so he does it for her, managing to stuff her arms into the sleeves like he’d do for a child, but doesn’t bother with the buttons.

The bar has fallen silent. All eyes follow Clint as he throws a bunch of bills on the counter, hoping it’s enough for the impressive row of shot glasses lined up next to the assassin, and positions her arm around his shoulders. Nat isn’t heavy; he could have easily picked her up and carried her, but even in the intoxicated state she’s in, he doubts she would have let him.

Instead, he takes on most of her weight as they step out into the freezing night air. His motorbike is parked in the shadows around the corner, out of sight of drunkards who could get silly ideas.

“So, what was this about? Not a fan of ballet, huh?” he jokes while they slowly shuffle through the icy rain, mostly to fill the silence. "Yeah, it's a snooze-fest."

Her face darkens momentarily, just long enough for him to register it as something to remember. She doesn’t reply, but suddenly tries to pull away from him, which only makes both of them slip on the wet snow covering the ground.

“Fuck, Nat,” he swears. “Work with me here.”

Her face is stony. He helps her onto the bike, orders her to keep holding on to him while he speeds up to the limit, mentally preparing himself to catch her in case she passes out during the twenty-minute drive to their motel.

She doesn’t. “Stop. Clint, stop,” she moans instead when they’ve barely covered a third of the way. He’s momentarily happy that she is lucid enough to remember his name, but then he more feels than hears her cough wetly into his shoulder. Swearing under his breath, he stops the bike a second too late. There is already liquidy vomit soaking through the front of her gown.

“Fuck,” she mutters before gagging again.

“It’s alright,” he sighs. “Just get it out of your system.”

Nat doesn’t even bother to get down, just grabs his jacket for balance and bends over the side of the bike as she throws up again. It’s far from the first time Clint’s seen her get wasted; she’s drunk agents twice her size under the table. But it is the first time he’s witnessed her overdoing it to the point where it makes her sick, and that worries him. 

He racks his brain to figure out what is different about this mission, but he comes up empty. If anything, it was easier than the other ones they’ve tackled together in the half a year they’ve known each other, and it definitely involved less violence from both sides. They infiltrated a Tchaikovsky ballet performance to incapacitate a former US illegal arms dealer with poison―not enough to kill him, but enough to make it impossible for him to make a run for it when the police will storm his apartment tonight after their anonymous tip-off.

Clint’s distaste for high culture coupled with the jetlag meant that he dozed through much of the remaining show while Nat seemed to grow more and more tense beside him. He mentally berates himself for not realising something was off before she went on to her personal pub crawl.

But the self-reproach can wait for later―the priority at the moment is to get her somewhere safe and comfortable. “You done?” he asks when the current round of puking seems to be over. Nat hiccups and nods, still panting short, warm clouds of breath into the air. 

“Hold tight.” Clint pulls her back upright and kickstarts the engine. “Give a warning if you need me to stop again.”

She does so when they have almost reached the motel. This time he has to grab her around the waist to keep her from toppling off the bike altogether while the heaves wrack her frame. He’d almost be impressed at the sheer amount of liquor she brings up, if it wasn’t straight-up worrying.

Nat’s swaying dangerously by the time he opens the heavy door to their temporary stay—a shady room and a half with a mouldy bathtub and hidden surveillance cameras outside each window. She steadies herself against the wall to kick off her high heels, then seems to almost fall asleep there until Clint peels her out of her coat and lets her lean against him as they enter the room.

“Let’s get you into bed,” he directs.

She only gags in response.

“Okay, fine. Or barf a little longer first,” he sighs, turning them around 180 degrees to get to the bathroom. It’s another fifteen minutes before she is completely empty. By the time the retching ceases, her eyes are teary from the shear strain of vomiting so much, mascara collecting in a half-circle above her cheekbones and making her look even more like a ghost.

Something about it pulls at the strings inside his chest. He gets up to wet a washcloth, then kneels down next to her. “Hey,” he says almost softly, “You’re gonna be alright.”

“I’m fine,” she replies hoarsely, automatically.

“Yes. Of course.” He wipes the make-up and mess from her face, stroking the hair away from her sweaty forehead. Surprisingly, she lets him, even leans into his palm for a moment and closes her eyes. It’s so unlike Nat to seek comfort like this that he’s momentarily lost for what to do. It’s clear that she wants to stay right where they are, but he can’t let her fall asleep on the bathroom floor in a puke-stained dress.

He swallows. “Nat,” he nudges. Her head rolls to the side and she blinks at him once before her eyes fall shut again. “Nat,” he repeats, “I’m going to take off your dress.” He waits a beat, and gets no response. “Are you listening? I’m gonna help you take off your dress now, okay?”

She gives the slightest approximation of a nod and he hopes that this passes as consent.

Leaning her against the cleanest part of the tiled wall, he ever so carefully peels her out of the expensive fabric. She is wearing plain black underwear beneath it that is luckily unstained. Clint goes to fetch a shirt from her backpack in the bedroom. When he returns, there’s a hazy smile on Nat’s face that doesn’t reach her tired eyes. She looks up at him, and before he realises what is happening, she has clumsily pulled down one of her bra cups, revealing her breast to him.

“What are you doing?” Clint says, taken aback. “Nat, what are you doing.”

She pulls the bra straps down from her shoulders, her fingernails leaving marks on her bare skin on the way down. “Whassit look like,” she slurs, almost aggressively.

“Stop. Stop this, I’m serious.” He takes a step back, his shoulders hitting the door frame.

“Don’t tell me you don’t want to,” she says in a tone that borders desperation.

“I― I don’t know, Nat. But not now. Not like this.”

“You took me home. You helped.” She laughs, until he realises she’s crying now, so quietly that it’s only discernible from the dampness on her cheeks. Her shoulders hitching, she mutters, “‘S nothing personal.” 

And the thing is, he believes her. But he doesn’t know whether that makes the situation better or worse.

“It is for me,” he says quietly.

Whatever is wrongly wired in her brain to make her think that she has to pay for a few scraps of comfort and a drunk ride home with sex, he can’t begin to understand. He wonders whether there has been anyone to ever respect her, her body, the boundaries she seems to be so bad at setting herself. Clint isn’t sure whether he can fix any of this. He knows for certain that she doesn’t want him to. But whatever mess Natasha is, part of her has become his mess by now.

“Nat.” He makes sure he has her attention. “You don’t owe me anything.” He hands her the t-shirt, waits till she has clumsily put it on, then extends his hand to help her up. “Let’s go to bed, okay?”

He doesn’t hold her when she drifts off. There have been times when he’s done that, for the practical reason to keep her warm after the substantial blood loss from a bullet wound while waiting half a day for the med evac, or to ease the shakes from the pneumonia she caught on that one cursed mission in Montana, when she’d been almost delirious with fever. She returned the favour on the flight back from New Zealand where he’d been in solitary confinement for almost a month after an assassination gone wrong—had provided him with the simple, unconditional human contact he’d been craving for weeks. 

But tonight, holding her would feel like taking advantage, even if that’s not how she sees it.

Clint keeps still for half an hour until he’s sure she’s fully out, then gets up again to pee and wash the puke stains out of the dress they have to return before their flight back home. Once he’s done, he sets up his laptop and starts working on the mission report, omitting any details of what happened after the ballet performance. When he finally falls asleep in the early morning hours, he dreams of ballerinas and dying swans.

The next day, Nat is admirably functional. She must have slipped out of the bed without Clint realising because he wakes when he hears her dry heaving in the bathroom. It sounds painful, but when she emerges half an hour later, showered and dressed in clean clothes, she looks almost as impeccable as ever, despite the mother of all hangovers she must be nursing.

“When is our flight?” she asks, nothing about her giving away whether she remembers all the things they didn’t do last night.  

Clint regards her for a long moment. “2:30. I call window seat.”

He knows he should probably address the previous night. He wants to believe that it was a one-time low, but something about the almost routine style with which Nat dry-swallows the aspirin he left her on the table and covers the paleness of her face with foundation makes it impossible to believe that. He doesn’t want to think about what would have happened if someone else had taken her home last night.

He should really talk to her—he knows that. But then, the fragile relationship he’s built with her in the last few months rests firmly on the principle of noninterference. Keeping out of each other’s pasts is how they have successfully navigated their partnership up till now. It isn’t his place to bring up the topic if she doesn’t, he decides―at least not yet. 

Instead, he carefully stuffs the green gown into a plastic bag, makes sure there is a full bottle of painkillers in his hand luggage, and tosses her a pair of sunglasses.

[aliensandidentity-sp22]

RNM s2ep9

woman in stem 🤩🤩🤩

pls don’t make out here

low key forgot what happened in the other ep and now I’m getting whiplash

now why would you go to the exes place knowing that your current hookup saw you two making out in the closet 🤨

oh ya double standards

Liz is doing too much fr 😭💀💀

Isn’t it a little too early to talk about insecurities

“you know how to drive?” “I’m eight” all children are like this omg

my god

how is that map still in good condition

toxic masculinity

makeup on old Tripp is not selling it

THE LONELY COWBOY POSE

“you came.” You asked me to”

IT WAS THE OTHER WAY AROUND?!? MAX WAS SCRIBBLING AND SCREAMING AND MIKEY WAS THE SOOTHER? AND MIKEY TOOK THE CRAYON SO SKEVDIDH 😭😭

Oh he’s schizophrenic

bruh Kyle u better handle it

enemies to lovers ‼️⁉️⁉️

bruh this so confusing

max actually looks cute? Behind those bars

wait she old alex was right omg tripp

WTF JESSE IS THIS MAN PLANTING FAKE EVIDENCE OR WHAT ??!!???,,

oh Michael Walt cared for you dude

I’m gonna cry michaels crying

“it’s cos you’re a hero it’s in your dna”BARFING IN MY MOUTH WHAT IS THIS

girlie again?

[dramarising-replacement]

And with this announcement, my annoyance with FR’s incompetence grows even more.  Whoop dee doo guys, it took you 5 years, but you FINALLY got open registration! And a report button, wowza! I’m impressed! …Impressed by how fucking sad it is that one of the biggest pet sites in the genre took THIS LONG to put in basic features and is still run by god damn idiots who seem to understand nothing of what the playerbase wants. Lore? Okay, cool! Yay! Some stone thing? Yay? New premium thing? Yay..? I just. Ugh. What a fucking DISAPPOINTMENT.   This much hype over just that? Lore is nice, but SERIOUSLY? What a shit show. Bogsneaks came out in September of 2016! 2016!!! Holy SHIT. We’ve had no signs of a new breed since then. I know, I know, it’s hard to add breeds! So much apparel to redraw! Maybe start focusing on new actual content instead of more shitty ass apparel sets then. Wow I can’t wait for another cluttered color barf to slap on my dragon! Yayyyyy!  How about some flashgames, Flight Rising? Maybe take the ones you have out of beta? Make them WORTH something? The fairgrounds are a fucking waste. Most of the games aren’t fun. They’re grindy. If you want to make any cash, you can only do one or two, which are both awful. Somehow they made a JIGSAW PUZZLE unbearable.  “But you can coli for treasure!-” the coli sucks. It fucking sucks. It’s honestly the worst thing about the site. If you can’t coli, or draw, or write, you are STUCK. There is nothing you can do. The coli is boring as hell. Click click click click click, win. That’s it. Even with the “”“”“"revamp”“”“ it’s somehow gotten WORSE.  And to top that, the revamp is awful! FR somehow made the coli even more inaccessible! What’s the point of keyboard controls if you still need to use the mouse when going to the next battle? IT’S A COMPLETE WASTE.  Also to you chucklefucks saying coding isn’t hard: it is. FR needs more coders. BADLY. Bugs like the thing with blocked users sending friend quests were so unnoticed, it took a kid spamming in order for them to do something about it. Dare I also mention the atrocious forum revamp, Naomi, tons of apparel and gene issues that still haven’t fixed, and countless other issues. Flight Rising is a mess. It’s a steaming, hot, mess. IT’S ONLY successful because it’s the biggest in the market. It lures new users in. They stay for a bit, buy some gems, leave eventually. The cycle continues. Try as it might to add shiny new clothes and lore, but it sucks. It’s honestly awful and I can’t believe I didn’t realize until now.  The coli. The atrocious waiting times to do ANYTHING in game. The stuck-up, drama fueled userbase. How artists are treated on-site. The lack of help for those with disabilities. The ignoring of suggestions that’d improve the game that have been suggested for years.   "But but you have to wait to do anything in a game! That’s the challenge!” You should be able to do things in that time, dimwit. Lioden is a game full of waiting. Tattered Weave is a game of patience and waiting. Guess what? They’re both still fun to play! Lioden has the Explore activity, minigames that give actual rewards, and plenty of activities you can do while waiting for weeks to do things like breed. Tattered Weave has fun and engaging minigames (HEY FR, MAYBE TAKE A LESSON FROM THEM, THEY’VE ADDED MORE GAMES IN THEIR ALMOST 2 YEAR EXISTENCE THAN FR’S ENTIRE LIFETIME) and hourly quests which can be done while spending time on harder storyline things. Yeah yeah you can see where my loyalties why. But I think we have a right to be angry. FR players are blind to how bad the site is. After you’ve played sites that, wow, actually listen to players and are good, you get mad!! You get VERY mad!!! FR could of been so good. We could of had adventure mode. Or a coli that’s fun. Games that could be fun to play and give users a variety of ways to earn treasure. Instead we have this. A polished turd in the world of petsites. God, I hope Mythaura is better, that Lioden can continue to succeed, and Tattered Weave can get the playerbase it deserves. Peace out. Y'all are going to get mad at me, I know it. But I’ve had enough. I’m angry. I want to be heard. Fuck Flight Rising.

[drv3imagines]

-Cue Mod Kaede being a happy meme- THANK YOU..!! I feel special now!!

Shuichi Saihara

-He’s patient luckily must be from Ouma’s antics -So there won’t be much problems.. Taking out the barfing part.. -So he’ll post probably stay in bed while you help him -….About the best patient..! -… -The others are so much worse compared to this don’t think your lucky

Kiibo

-He’s -A -Fucking -ROBOT -Is what I WOULD SAY -So how the fuck is he throwing up trash out of his system -THE MESS HE’S MAKING -TRASH IS EVERYWHERE AND YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING!! -EVEN SOUP WON’T HELP!! -SOUP!! -..But at least you can cuddle.. Just don’t mind the stench..

Kaito Momota

-“MOMOTA GET IN THE FUCKING BED!!” -“NEVER!!!” -Your trying to get him inside -“YOU CAN’T FUCKING STARGAZE YOUR SICK!!” -…It takes 3 hours for him to finally come in the occasional cough and moans of pain -I guess you could say the lesson is.. -..You cannot take space fr- -FUCK HE JUST COUGHED OUT BLOOD!!

Ouma Kokichi

-“OUMA STOP FUCKING WHINING!!” -He will whine on and ON about how he feels like Hoshi -..Get it..? Since Hoshi is.. Yeah just gonna.. I'msorryforgivemedtopwhyareyoustillreadingthiswhywhywhy -POINT IS -AND HE’LL KEEP ASKING YOU TO GET HIM STUFF -The lesson here is Ouma is a dick -But he’s a lovable dick

Amami Rantarou

-…What -HE DOESN’T GET FUCKING SICK BITCH! -Okay I’m sorry but HIS IMMUNE SYSTEM -I mean wow.. -Really..! -Wow -And IF he were to ever get sick he GET REALLY SICK -I’ll leave it up to your imaginations -Shivers-

Korekiyo Shinguuji

-“AAAAA HE’S DE- Wait” -“He’s breathing.. I think..” -He’ll sleep through most of it somehow -But he looks so.. Pained.. And DEAD -So he’s most probably alive when you see him laying on the couch not moving at all

Gokuhara Gonta

-He’s lived outside for about ALL his life -HIS IMMUNE SYSTEM MUST BE FUCKING GOOD -So when he’s sick he’s a confused bug BOI -WHY IS IT PAINFUL!? -“GONTA FEELS BAD!!” -He’s not whiny but you feel So bad looking at him.. -Guilt… -The most painful of pain..

Ryouma Hoshi

-He acts the same -Life just got a bit shittier -But he keeps getting out of bed to get stuff himself.. -He thinks he can do this on his own.. -SO IT’S FUCKING HARD TO HELP -But.. -Say that when you throw up again bitch -Instant regret- -Cue Mod Kaede crying-