#i'm currently listening to this and dying of laughter

[mxlti-fand0m-imaginess]

Samantha // Sam Carpenter

request: none!

prompts: none!

summary: being with sam has brought you nothing but happiness, and these memories with her only prove how perfect the two of you are for each other.

warnings: tooth-rotting fluff, brief allusions to smut, language, mentions of roachie kirsch

word count: 1.9k

a/n: fem!reader, i was gonna make it gn!reader but the song this fic is based on is sapphic so i felt like i should keep it that way, no ghostface au

join my taglist! album masterlist!

I think I've been yours since 4th grade

We met in 5th, you corrected me

From my bed, and I said

Technically since 2nd but I reckon the time has just flown by and my

Memory's shit, so

You smiled to yourself as you gazed at your girlfriend, Sam, who was currently asleep beside you. Despite your protests, she had claimed that she wasn’t too tired to watch a movie like the two of you had been planning. And yet, not even half an hour in, she was fast asleep on the couch, her head resting on your shoulder as she curled up beside you. No matter how many times you looked at her, you could never get over how beautiful she was.

For as long as you could remember, Sam was always there. You had gone to elementary school together, and finally became friends during middle school. High school and college came and went, and the two of you continued to grow impossibly closer. Sometimes it was hard to tell where you ended and where she began. And as time went on, feelings began to change, and the friendship between the two of you started to become something more. 

Falling in love with someone that you had known for so long was indescribable. There was no awkward talking stage or embarrassing first dates. Everything just felt so natural. So right. Like she was the only person you would ever need, and she had already been there the whole time. You draped your arm over her shoulders and pulled her closer to you, taking the blanket that was lying on your lap and placing it over her.

You grabbed the remote and turned the movie off. You could always just finish it some other time. You leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, before resting your head on top of hers.

“Goodnight, my love.”

But all I ever remember is you

And all I ever say is "I miss you more"

You're everything that I ever knew

You're the only girl that I am for

“I’m the first girl you’ve ever been with, right? Is it any different from being with a guy?” you asked, tilting your head slightly as you looked over at Sam.

She nodded, a smile breaking out on her face. “It’s so different. And so much better. You actually know how to listen and you’re so much more affectionate.” The smile on her face turned into a teasing smirk. “Plus, you actually know how to make me cum.”

Your face heated up in a blush, her comment flustering you instantly. You grabbed a pillow from beside you on the couch, chucking it at her as an embarrassed laugh fell from your lips.

“Sam!” you scolded, giggles still spilling from your mouth in disbelief.

She shrugged before throwing the pillow right back at you. “What? It’s true! I’m pretty sure Richie didn’t even think the clit was real.”

You let out another snort of laughter. “God, I still can’t believe you ever even dated him. You can do so much better than that… thing.”

“I am doing better. I have you.”

Samantha, I'm in love with you

I'll do anything you ask me to

You're the reason that I dyed my hair blue

Samantha, I'm in love with you

And I'll sing it again and again

“Oh my god! What did you do to your hair?!” Sam asked, a disbelieving smile on her face as she struggled to hold back her laughter.

You had attempted to dye your hair blue to surprise her, since she had always been very fond of the color. You thought it might’ve made her happy, to have another one of her favorite things to associate with you. Unfortunately, you hadn’t been the best in picking the color. You were hoping for something more subtle, the kind of blue that looked black, with the colorful hue only visible in the light. What you ended up with was a bright and vibrant color, bordering on neon. You were upset, understandably so, and Sam’s joyful laughter at your predicament did nothing to ease your frustration.

 “It was supposed to be a surprise. You said that blue was your favorite color, so I thought I’d dye my hair blue. It wasn’t supposed to be this bright!” you huffed, leaning back against the bathroom counter as you pouted.

“You look like a smurf threw up on you!” 

You rolled your eyes, biting back a smile. “Ha ha. Very funny. Can you help me? There’s gotta be some way to fix this.”

She nodded, walking over to you. “Alright, let’s see what I can do. This color is probably not gonna come out, so we’re gonna have to dye it black.”

You frowned as you looked at your reflection in the mirror. “At least we can match.”

She smiled, pressing a kiss to your temple. “Or, we could always just shave it off.”

The look on your face alone was enough to send Sam into another fit of laughter. You glared at her, trying to seem angry or at least even a little bit annoyed, but you couldn’t ever hold it together around her that long. Her smile was contagious and her laughter was infectious. Just being around her had a way of lifting your mood. But you wouldn’t want it any other way.

There aren't words to describe

The way I feel about your eyes

And everything I write sounds cliche, but

I can't help that I think about you every day

“Why’re you staring at me? Is there something on my face?” Sam asked, reaching up to her mouth to see if some of her lunch was still left on her skin.

You simply smiled and shook your head. “No, nothing’s there. You’re just so beautiful. How could I not stare at you?”

Though she tried to hide it, you could see the faint blush spreading on her cheeks and that flustered smile of hers that never failed to fill your insides with a swarm of butterflies. You reached out and took her hand in yours, intertwining your fingers as you smiled over at her. You pressed a kiss to the back of her hand, causing the faint blush on her cheeks to deepen ever so slightly, filling you with a sense of pride. 

“I love you. You know that, right?” you asked, your smile never once faltering. 

“Of course I do. You only tell me like every five seconds.” She smiled over at you. “Not that I mind it in the slightest.”

“I just still can’t believe that I’m with you. That we’re together. It feels like a dream. You’re just so perfect. Like every single thing I could’ve ever wanted in a partner, all rolled up into one person.”

She rolled her eyes, her smile never leaving her face. “Oh please. I am far from perfect. If anything, you’re the perfect one here. I mean you put up with all my shit. Just being able to do that is perfect enough.”

“I do not put up with you. I love everything about you and I love being with you. Despite what you may think about yourself, you are not difficult to be with. Richie just couldn’t handle all your perfectness and awesomemazingness.”

She raised an eyebrow at you. “That’s not a word”

You shrugged, smiling defiantly. “Well, it should be. Because it describes you perfectly.”

“Oh does it now?”

“It does.”

Before Sam could respond, you leaned in and pulled her into a kiss, silencing any other protests about to leave her lips. You knew she was perfect, and even if she didn’t agree with you, you could damn well at least stop her from voicing those thoughts. And you knew that one day, you would convince her.

And every night

And every morning

And afternoon

And all the time

Sam laughed in disbelief as she looked down at her phone, scrolling through all of the messages you had sent her in the past hour. 

“Baby, I told you I wasn't going to be gone long. I was just down the street getting groceries. Did you really need to text me that many times?”

Most people would be annoyed with your clinginess, but not Sam. She liked how clingy you were, how obsessed you were with her. It’s harder to doubt someone’s feelings for you when they never leave you alone long enough to get lost in spiraling thoughts. She had been gone for an hour to go get groceries, and you had texted her almost fifty times during your time apart.

“Yes. I really did need to. How else would you know about everything you missed while you were gone?”

She sighed in faux exasperation, her smile giving away her true feelings. “You sent me ‘bird in tree chirped’ like five times!”

“Six, actually. And I thought you should know, because that happened to be a very cute bird. I wouldn’t text you if I didn’t think it was important.”

She let out a huff of laughter as she walked over to you, pulling you into a hug and kissing the top of your head. You melted into the embrace, wrapping your arms around her waist and pulling her closer.

“You’re lucky you’re so adorable.”

“Oh, please. You love me and you know it.”

But all I ever remember is you

And all I ever say is "I miss you more"

You're everything that I ever knew

You're the only girl that I am for

“Can’t you just call in sick today?” you whined as you clutched onto Sam, preventing her from getting out of bed to get ready for work. 

“Baby, you know I can’t. We need the money. And since you decided you wanted to be the housewife, I’m the one who has to go to work. But if you want to swap, I’d be more than happy to,” she smiled, a teasing lilt to her voice.

You huffed, a slight pout forming on your face. “No…”

“Then you have to let me get up. I can’t exactly get ready for work if I’m still stuck in bed.”

“Do you have to get up right now? Can’t you wait just a little longer? Maybe spend an extra few minutes paying attention to your oh-so amazing girlfriend?” You looked at her pleadingly, using your best puppy dog eyes to persuade her.

“Y/n…” Sam started, only for all her rebuttals to wash away the second you started pressing gentle kisses to her neck.

“You know you want to…” you said, your hands slipping beneath her shirt.

“You know what? I think I have a flat tire. How unfortunate that I’m gonna be late to work since I had to get it fixed.”

You smiled triumphantly, rolling onto your back and pulling Sam on top of you. Even though she puts in effort to try to deny you, droning on and on about work and responsibilities, she can never say no to you. You had the ability to make her resolve crumble with just one look, and she couldn’t find it in her to deny you when all you ever really wanted was more time with her. And so, another morning was spent fooling around in bed before Sam rushed off to work, yet another excuse for her lateness at the ready. And you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Samantha, I'm in love with you

I'll do anything you ask me to

You're the reason that I dyed my hair blue

Samantha, I'm in love with you

And I'll sing it again and again

tags: @Hocksetterrs

if your name is crossed out, it means i can't tag you!

[mxqdii]

WHERE IS PART THREE

IM LITTERALY DYING TI READ WHAT HAPPENS NEXTTTTTTY

also I have a request

so reader is dating Sam or Colby (you pick❤️). Reader is alone at a haunted location with just Sam or just Colby (does this make sense?) say it was Sam, they are just the two of them and say there were trespassers and they were threatening the two and reader has a panic attack and Sam defend them (Sam or Colby) and calm reader down on the way home.

is that doable?

when part three comes can you tag my other acc

@anythingsamandcolby

take my breath away - c.b

pairings: colby brock x reader

summary: a day with the boys doesn't go as expected

warning(s): panic attacks, mention of ghosts (??) idk.

a/n: so i see u said just the two of them, but i only realized after i finished writing it... i'm sorry! i hope this is still okay 😭

not proofread

"are you guys sure this is a good idea?" i say as me, sam and colby enter the gate

"too late now! unlocking that gate took forever" sam says, walking ahead

"we're all gonna die" i mumble sarcastically, scoffing at the boys skipping together joyfully

we decided not to vlog this one, since, well..

we're trespassing.

it's okay though! atleast that's what the boys told me (and what i'm telling myself)

"hey, you okay?" colby, my boyfriend, asks.

"yeah i'm fine, just worried about being shot by a police officer" i say, giving him a look

"calm down, we'll be fine!" he speaks over confidently

"whatever you say" i groan

"woah! guys this place is so cool, let's use the spirit box here" sam yells from ahead, taking off his backpack and grabbing the box

we all listen, hearing a few random meaningless words, until...

my phone starts buzzing, which makes us all jump

"sorry, my alarm- it's midnight if anyone cares" i say, signaling for us to get out of here

"leave" the spirit box says

"yes please- wait was that the box?" i mumble

"trespassing" the box says

"run"

"guys i don't like this.." i mumble, reaching over to grab colby, looking over realizing he's nowhere to be found

"g-guys?" i say, realizing i've been left alone with only the spirit box

"guys this isn't funny. you got me okay? i'm scared." i yell into the distance, hoping to be met with colby's voice or sams laughter

but i don't hear that, instead something worse

the bushes besides me start rustling, and i feel tears brim my eyes

"h-hello?" i almost whisper

this is too much. i wanna go home.

my legs start moving before i can think and i run back to the car, hoping to find sam and colby there, but no.

i realize, i don't have the keys, leaving me in the dark parking lot surrounded by woods, alone.

okay, it's fine, i'm fine, i'll call them.

NO SERVICE

this is when i start freaking out, because what am i supposed to do now??

the only thing i can think to do, cry.

i let myself lean against the locked car door, eventually curling into a ball on the floor

i'm currently a sobbing mess at midnight, alone and cold.

the more i'm sat here with my thoughts, the harder it gets to breathe, causing me to panic.

i try to calm my breathing but can't, colby always helped me with panic attacks, i need colby.

i don't know how much time passed, but eventually, i felt hands on my shoulders and looked up to see colby

thank god.

"colby-" i try to say more but the words get caught in my throat

"shh, baby it's okay. breathe for me okay?" he says

he sits down to my level, pulling me into his lap

"i'm so sorry. we thought it'd be funny to hide but we got lost, i'm so sorry baby that wasn't funny, i know." he hushes my cries, helping me with my breathing along the way

his hands stroking my hair and his smooth rhythm of breaths calm me down,.

(even though his heart is racing)

i snap out of my panic, looking up at him.

i shove my fist into his chest, not hard enough to hurt bad

(as if you could)

"ow!" he says, almost out of instict

"never do that again" i huff

"never again." he repeats back to me, kissing my forehead.

TAGLIST:

@opheliaofficial07 @stargirlv0id @strniolo @annaisabookworm @theperson-nextdoor @its-jennarose @thetriplets3 @anythingsamandcolby

[sergeantelvis]

"I'm Sorry"

SUMMARY: After following Elvis throughout his career and being there for him, he seems to forget what's most important... you.

warning: ANGST, hurt to comfort?, shouting, miscommunication, insecurity.

A/N: This is my first ever post on Tumblr I've been on here a while so I thought why not give a shot at writing, please keep in mind English isn't my first language :)

Pairing: Elvis x reader (can also be Austin elvis!)

･♪’ﾟ｡.*#:･’ﾟ.:*♪:･’.:♪*:･’ﾟ♭.:*♪*:･’ﾟ♭.:*･♪’ﾟ｡.*#:･’ﾟ.:*♪:･’.:♪*:･

As the sun set over Memphis, the vibrant city whispered tales of heartache and passion. Among the countless souls navigating the streets, a young woman could be found strolling the dimly lit pathways with what seemed to be a small frown perched upon her face.

That woman also happened to be one of the worlds most talked about people in this current moment, yet she felt like she was the only one talking and no one was listening. That woman was who teenage girls could only dream to be, yet she didn't want to be herself in the very moment. Why would she?

Today was supposed to be different she told herself, he would actually remember, she really tried to believe her own husband would be there to support her during one of the biggest achievements of her life, just like she had done for him the last seventeen years. You see she had been there for him through all walks of life, since he was a tiny little blonde haired ray-of-sunshine and when he dyed his hair black and decided to switch up his style, she was there. And he couldn't even show up for one stupid court-case?

God she felt pathetic, she knew he wouldn't come, so why did she think this time it would be any different. But what could she do? She was Mrs Presley, and thats all people would see her as. As she walked along she moonlit streets she became more wary that she had been pushed aside by her husband, she had made a fool of herself letting him walk around with his wedding band off and acting like a single man with women surrounding him. People warned her about marrying Elvis but she would never listen to them because he was her Elvis and no one knew him like she did, and for a while that was true... until it wasn't.

Her beautiful Navy suit had been especially picked out for this trail, hoping that people would see her, hoping that He would see her. Thoughts swirled in her mind as she tried to process why she had let herself go so far as to have to beg for his attention, she was not some groupie he had picked up from his concerts or some teenaged fan that adored his music, she was his wife.

And she had enough.

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The night air clung to her like a heavy shroud as she approached the hallowed gates of Graceland. The moon hung low in the sky, casting a pale glow over the sprawling estate that had once been her sanctuary. But tonight, it felt more like a prison.

The grand entrance of Graceland loomed ahead of her, its ornate ironwork giving way to a long, winding driveway. As she ventured further in her green Beatle, the faint sound of music reached her ears, weaving its way through the evening breeze. Laughter, muffled and distant, hinted at a revelry she was not a part of.

Stepping across the threshold she had first hesitated towards, she entered the foyer. Dimly lit chandeliers bathed the room in a warm, golden glow, casting intricate patterns onto the polished marble floor. The air was thick with the mingling scents of expensive perfume and the anticipation of a vibrant gathering, yet it only deepened her pit of despair that was building inside of her.

Through the open doorways, she glimpsed the living room, ablaze with colour and movement. Lavish gold accented decorations adorned the walls, reflecting the vibrancy of the party within. The room seemed pulse with energy, the laughter and voices of the guests hanging in the air like an invisible veil.

In the midst of the festivities, Elvis stood at the centre, a star among the crowd. His charismatic smile drew people to him, their adoration evident in their eyes, but as her own guys met his, he remained transfixed by the merriment, not even batting an eyelid in her direction.

Her heart sank the steps, becoming slow and weighted with the sorrow she could no longer bear. She carved attention, his understanding of this passing sea of celebration. She appeared to be nothing more than a ghost existing in the peripheral of his attentions.

There, at the centre of the circle of vibrant guested, Elvis, his charm radiating like an Ethereal light. He was locked in at dance of words with a fan Her face flashed with the light basked on his attention. She observed the ease with which he engaged in stranger, his smile more genuine than she had seen in months.

The woman's voice, light and melodious, carrying hints of infatuation as she flirted shamelessly with Elvis. Hello, after accompanied by the soft music in the background seem to melt with the rhythm of his wife's own shattered heart. She could hardly fathom have someone. He didn't even know how to more sway over him, and she is devoted wife.

As she watched her husband, his eyes, twinkling with amusement, she felt an indescribable pain gnaw at her chest. She had dedicated her life to him, bent over backwards to keep their love and life. I need to find herself reduced to an inconsequential presences.

As she leaned against the wall, her tears subsiding, but her pain still palpable. Elvis's eyes flicker towards her. His eyes lingered for a moment before realisation, dawned on him, and with Swift footsteps, he crossed the room to reach her side.

"Hey, baby," He drawled, attempting to dismiss the intensity of the scene, she had just witnessed. His voice infused, with a southern twang still sent shivers down the spine, had once been the balm to her weary soul, but now it only served as a reminder of the golf at grown between.

Her eyes, once filled with love and admiration, now held a mix of sadness and anger. She took a deep breath, collecting the fragments of her resolve, before confront the man she had given her heart to all those years ago.

"You've missed my court case, my own battles and achievements, all while you were caught up in this whirlwind of adoration from strangers," She finally blurted out.

Elvis blinked, his azure eyes mirroring the confusion in his voice. "Satnin? Why didn't you say anything?" He cooed, attempting to soothe her. "You know I've got a lot on my plate."

The word "Satnin" would have once brought a smile to her face, an endearment she cherished, due to Elvis's late mother Gladys who was her second mother growing up in the small area of Tupelo. She shook her head, causing her locks to cascade around her like a waterfall of frustration.

"How can you think we are okay?" She exclaimed, her voice quivering. "

"Elvis, I can't help but feel pushed aside. It's not just about this one encounter; it's about so much more. You've missed my court case, countless family dinners, and it feels like our connection has dwindled to empty conversations. I've been left here, alone, while you bask in the adoration of fans."

Elvis's brow furrowed in confusion as he attempted to grasp the gravity of her words. He had been so immersed in his own world that he failed to recognize the depth of her emotional turmoil. "Satnin, I didn't realize you were feeling this way. I've just been caught up in the whirlwind of fame. Ya know it's not personal, right?"

y/n's frustration simmered beneath her surface, threatening to erupt like a dormant volcano. "How can it not feel personal, Elvis? We used to be each other's entire world. Now, I'm just an accessory on the fringes of your life while you play the role of the adored superstar."

Elvis's eyes widened, a mixture of surprise and offense clouding his features. He tried to interject, but her pent-up emotions poured out like a torrential rainstorm, unable to be contained any longer.

"You think this is all about my support? It's not about that, Elvis! It's about feeling invisible, unappreciated, and alone. I've offered my unwavering support, but what have I received in return? Empty promises and missed moments. Is this how our love is supposed to be?"

A flicker of realization darted across Elvis's face, but his natural stubbornness lingered. "Satnin, I've been trying my best, but I can't be in two places at once. This music, these fans, they're a part of me. You knew that when we got married."

Her voice reached a crescendo, her frayed patience snapping under the weight of Elvis's dismissive attitude. "I didn't expect you to choose, Elvis. But I did anticipate that you would make an effort to make me feel like a priority in your life. Instead, I feel like I'm a distant second to the screaming crowds that cheer you on night after night."

Elvis, his patience waning, raised his voice in frustration. "Listen, baby, I have responsibilities, commitments. This is the life I've chosen. Can't you understand that?"

She gritted her teeth, her frustration boiling over. "Understand? I understand that you're using your fame as an excuse to neglect your responsibilities as a husband. You blame me for not understanding, but what about the countless nights I've spent alone, waiting for you? What about the promises you've made and broken?"

Elvis's expression turned defensive, his charm morphing into frustration. "You're being unreasonable, Y/N. I can't be at your beck and call all the time; I have a career to manage."

Y/N's voice trembled with anger. "Unreasonable? You have the audacity to call me unreasonable? All I wanted was a partner, someone who would be there for the important moments, to listen and support me. But you're too wrapped up in your own fame to even notice."

Elvis's obstinacy overshadowed any semblance of understanding. His tone hardened as he lashed out, trying to deflect his own guilt. "Maybe it wouldn't feel so empty if you were more supportive, if you understood the sacrifices I have to make!"

Her patience snapped, her voice resonating with a mix of fury and hurt. "Sacrifices? Where do my sacrifices fit into this equation? I've sacrificed my dreams, my desires, to support you, to be the wife you needed. And all I ask for in return is a fraction of your attention, your time."

Elvis and Y/N stood face to face in their lavish Memphis mansion. The room crackled with tension as their argument escalated, both parties unwilling to back down. Her eyes were brimming with tears, reflecting her hurt and frustration, while Elvis stubbornly refused to see his faults.

"You just don't understand, Y/N! I give you everything, I give you this beautiful home, luxurious cars, and all the fame you could ever want. Why are you so miserable?" Elvis exclaimed, his voice filled with disbelief.

Y/n took a deep breath, trembling with the weight of her emotions. She knew this was her moment to speak her truth and reveal the depth of her pain. "Elvis, material possessions and fame aren't enough for me. I want emotional connection, intimacy, and a partner who truly understands me. But lately, it feels like I'm living in your shadow. You're so consumed with yourself that you've forgotten about our marriage."

Elvis's eyes widened, struck by her heartfelt words. For the first time, he began to truly comprehend the gravity of his actions. "But Baby, I don't mean to neglect you. I love you more than anything. How can I make it right?" His voice wavered, a mix of desperation and regret seeping through his words.

Her gaze softened, her love for Elvis still evident despite the pain she felt. "It's not just about apologies, Elvis. It's about changing your behavior, showing me every day that I matter to you. I can't keep living like this, always feeling secondary to your career."

A mixture of guilt and sadness washed over Elvis as he realized the damage he had caused in their marriage. He reached out, gently cupping Y/Ns face in his hands. "Baby, I never intended to hurt you. I know my words haven't always been kind, but you're the center of my world. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm truly sorry."

The air hung heavy with silence as she contemplated his words. She searched his eyes, seeking a sign of sincerity. Slowly, she nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Elvis, I want to believe that you mean it, but forgiveness doesn't come easy. We need time to heal, to rebuild the trust that has been shattered."

Elvis nodded, his heart sinking as he realized the consequences of his actions. They moved towards the hallway, away from prying eyes, their voices lowering to whispers. "Mama, please don't leave me. I can't imagine my life without you. I'll do whatever it takes to make things right."

She looked into his eyes, her pain alongside her love for him evident. "Elvis, the road to forgiveness will be long and arduous. I need you to understand that. It will take more than just words to mend what's been broken. We both have work to do."

Elvis took a trembling breath, feeling the weight of his past mistakes. He gently squeezed her hand, a solemn vow crossing his lips. "I promise you, Satnin, I'll do whatever it takes. I'll be a better husband, a better man. Just please, don't give up on us."

As they stood there, enveloped in the intimacy of their private moment, Elvis and Y/N knew that the journey ahead would not be easy. But their love, their shared history, and the desire to rebuild what was lost provided a glimmer of hope. Their path to healing had just begun, one step at a time.

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A/N: I got a bit carried away! But I'm also looking to make more friends in the Tumblr/Elvis community and would love to follow people or have proofreaders :) thank you <33

[robininthelabyrinth]

Soo, funny story, turns out celestial mountains can move? So JC finds BSSR and instead of receiving his brother's core and tragedy ensuing, he gets his core fixed, has an illuminating weekend with his brother's extended family, and maybe comes back with backup.

ao3

Untamed

"All right, you all know your parts," Wei Wuxian said, pacing back and forth in a tight circle. "We've got everything we need for the transfer. We're ready."

"We are exactly as ready as we were the last time you said that," Wen Qing said waspishly. Despite her harsh tone, due was clearly nervous, alternating between fiddling with her tools and fingering the veiled hat Wei Wuxian had given her to hide her true identity - the story Wei Wuxian had spun to throw Jiang Cheng off the scent of what was really going to happen would only work if he sincerely believed that she was the fabled Baoshan Sanren. "He won't know a thing. Stop fretting."

"I'm not fretting -"

"Why isn't he here yet?" Wen Ning wondered. "It's not that long a path up the mountain. Even if he was blindfolded, shouldn't he be here already?"

Wei Wuxian started, then exchanged worried glances with Wen Qing. They hurried to the overlook point of the cliff, but no matter how they looked, they couldn't see a single trace of Jiang Cheng, not even his shadow.

-

"Uuuuuh no you're not," the lady said when Jiang Cheng told her he was Wei Wuxian. "You don't - you don't have the right face for it, okay? Cangse Sanren was a bit more - her face - there was this indefinable sort of - listen, I'm not possessed with an overwhelming desire to smack you right now so you can’t be him."

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Jiang Cheng found himself having to swallow down a snort of agreement - Wei Wuxian really did have that indefinable sort of quality.

"I could take after my father?" he suggested, though he'd mostly given it up as hopeless already.

Sure enough, the lady let out a bark of laughter - it sounded oddly like a bird's call - and said, "No way. Not that much! Anyway, why does it matter who you are?"

At that point, because Jiang Cheng was exhausted and hurting and blindfolded and still managed to see all his barely-resurrected hopes dying in front of him regardless, he burst into tears.

"Oh no," Baoshan Sanren said, sounding distinctly alarmed in a way that - if Jiang Cheng wasn't currently in the middle of humiliating himself - would have made him laugh because of how similar it was to Wei Wuxian being confronted by an emotion. "No, no, no, don't- please - I hate crying - just tell me what the matter is - someone help he's still crying -"

Eventually Jiang Cheng managed to squeeze the whole stupid story out, aided by the kind hands and helpful (or not so helpful) translations being offered by Baoshan Sanren's disciples.

"You can help him, right?" the littlest one asked, tugging on Jiang Cheng's sleeve defensively. He was twelve or thirteen or something - the others called him Xiao-shidi, so that was either his surname or a nickname - but he was a sweetheart that reminded Jiang Cheng of his sister. "Shifu, you'll help him, won't you?"

"I'm talented but no one can make golden cores out of nothing," Baoshan Sanren protested, but the little Xiao started crying, too. "No! No tears! Stop that -"

"But it's just so sad," he wailed, and then one of the other disciples, a girl who had a manner of speaking that suggested Wei Wuxian only tougher by far, gave a loud and thoughtful sniff.

"Don't you dare," Baoshan Sanren hissed. "Don't give me that, you're not even upset! You don't cry over anything, you little beast. You're just trying to bully your shifu!"

"Is it working?" the girl asked, sounding amused. "I could squeeze out some for the cause."

"It's all right, you don't have to," Jiang Cheng said, hating how his voice was still all watery and breaking even though he was finding this pretty funny. "If there's nothing she can do, there's no point, just leave her alone -"

"That's worse," Baoshan Sanren wailed. "No! Not the self-sacrificing routine!”

It wasn’t a routine!

“That’s the problem! I can handle everything but sincerity - ahhh, I hate this. All right, all right, you win, you brats. I'll fix him."

"But you said -" Jiang Cheng started to say.

"I know what I said," she cut him off, grumbling. "And I can't grow one from nothing. But – and I’m going to tell you in advance, this will be unpleasant – I can go get yours from the moment before you lost it and give it back to you."

"What? How does that work? I don't understand..."

"Time doesn't work right on the mountain. It's always the same time, even when it's not; that's why no one can come back after they've left," the girl said, sounding arrogant and carefree in a most familiar way, and Jiang Cheng's grief-fuzzed brain made a connection there that was so appalling that it couldn't possibly be true. "You up for some pain and agony if it gets you your core back, my friend?"

"Y-yeah? I mean, yes. Anything."

"All right," Baoshan Sanren said. Her raspy voice had turned into even more of a croak: it was like listening to a crow try to speak. Also, Jiang Cheng couldn't see, having not removed the useless blindfold, but he had the strangest feeling that she was smaller than before - he'd already assumed she was a wizened old thing, but for a moment she seemed no larger than a especially plump chicken. "Hold on tight, boy - here we go!"

-

"I greatly appreciate all your efforts on behalf of the Sunshot Campaign," Nie Mingjue said, and Wei Wuxian wondered if his greatest strength as the grand commander of the unified forces of the cultivation world wasn’t his saber or his command but his ability to sound completely sincere. "Murdering Wen-dogs by the score, going after critical targets, providing intelligence, even getting Mistress Wen and her brother to defect...but have you considered giving it a rest?"

Wei Wuxian choked.

It wasn't that he was surprised by the request - he'd heard it whispered for a while that he was doing too much, too fast, too viciously. He'd hunted down Wen Chao and Wen Zhuliu and harried them into the Burial Mounds, using the power there to tear them to pieces despite their army - if it hadn't been for Wen Qing helping him, he might have torn himself apart in the process. It wasn't healthy for someone with a golden core to use resentful energy the way he did, she had explained. She at one point told him that she was essentially using a bucket to scoop it out of his meridians like a boat that had taken on water.

Yet he kept using it - hunting squads, battalions of Wen, supporting the other sects from the shadows, months of effort - and never mind the worried expressions on Wen Qing's face, on Wen Ning's face, even Lan Wangji, who had just turned up at their camp one day and refused to leave...no, Wei Wuxian wasn't surprised by the request.

He just hadn't expected it to be phrased like that.

"I can't," he said, recovering a moment later. "As long as there are Wen-dogs out there - from the other side, I mean - the Jiang sect hasn't been avenged."

"I know that," Nie Mingjue said with...admirable restraint, actually. Wei Wuxian cringed a little as he remembered that Nie Mingjue was involved in this war for the purpose of avenging his father's death at Wen Ruohan’s hands. "But that's not your job. It's time to stop playing lone wolf and return to the sect that raised you. If nothing else, Jiang Wanyin could use a right hand man."

Wei Wuxian stared. He'd searched furiously for Jiang Cheng without success, days and nights stretching out endlessly only for hope to fade and be replaced by a frantic need for revenge; it had been that desperation, mixed with guilt over losing her prospective patient, that had convinced Wen Qing to officially defect. And now Nie Mingjue was saying - what? That he, Wei Wuxian, was the one missing in action? 

That he knew where Jiang Cheng was?

"...he's been recruiting to resurrect the Jiang sect for the last month down by Qingjiao. Did you not know?"

Wei Wuxian hadn't. Jiang Cheng was - fine? All right? How could he have gotten to Qingjiao in the state he'd been in?

And...recruiting? How could someone without a golden core recruit? Nie Mingjue didn't seem to know about the loss, or he would have mentioned it, surely - everyone would be talking about it - had Jiang Cheng found some other way? But how? And why hadn't he come to find Wei Wuxian?

Well, in fairness, Wei Wuxian wasn't making himself easy to find, traveling in secret with only his few companions. But still...

"He really does need support," Nie Mingjue said. "He has Mistress Jiang, but she's not the martial type, and that little sworn brother he picked up from who-knows-where might be a brilliant talent and a hero for the ages in the making, but Baoshan Sanren's disciple or not, the kid is still only half-grown -"

"Baoshan Sanren's what?!"

"Jiang Wanyin's little sworn brother. His name is Xiao Xingchen, and he's twelve. Maybe fourteen. Far too young, in my opinion -"

"I'm sorry," Wei Wuxian interrupted. "I have to go now. Right now."

-

"About time you showed up," Jiang Cheng said, though his snide words were belied by the wide grin on his face and the way he pulled Wei Wuxian into a fierce hug. "I heard you've been doing wonders in the three months and a day I was gone, and in the month since I’ve been back...you got those Wen to defect, invented a new type of cultivation...what's this I hear about you and Lan Wangji sharing a camp, huh? I thought he hated you."

"Uh, no, turns out that was a misunderstanding," Wei Wuxian - who was currently sharing a lot more than a camp with Lan Wangji once that misunderstanding had been cleared up after Wen Qing had lost patience with what she termed their 'ridiculous mutual pining' - said blankly. It was probably just his imagination, but he fancied that he could feel the golden core under Jiang Cheng's skin, shining bright, as familiar as his own. If he hadn't known what he knew, he would never have thought... "What happened? How did you...?"

"Baoshan Sanren fixed it! Just like you said...though you went to such lengths, with the blindfold and pretending to be you and all that. Apparently it wasn’t necessary at all!"

"Uh, right. My…mistake."

Jiang Cheng pulled him into another hug, nice and tight, and whispered into his ear, "You had better not have been planning to transfer me yours, you bastard."

Wei Wuxian blanched. How had he figured it out..?

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Jiang Cheng said, releasing him and rolling his eyes. "You're a lot like your mother, you know?"

"My mother? What are you talking about?"

Jiang Cheng's crooked grin was the most wonderful thing Wei Wuxian had ever seen. 

"It's a long story," he said. "Probably as long as yours, for explaining everything you've been up to for the past few months...but we'll have time to talk it over. Baoshan Sanren is big fan of talking things over, almost to the point of ridiculousness, but I think she has a point, even if none of her disciples agree. It's made me feel better these past few months, anyway, talking about what happened, whether with the Wen sect or even just frustrations I had growing up..."

He laughed at Wei Wuxian's dumbfounded expression.

"Like I said," he said. "Long story. Come meet little Xiao, will you? We're going to need to work together and put in all our efforts to keep him out of trouble -"

"He's a brat, then?"

"No, worse: he's an idealist. You'll understand when you meet him."

Wei Wuxian let himself be dragged along by Jiang Cheng's eagerness, and he was about halfway across the new Jiang sect camp before it suddenly struck him that this was really happening. That Jiang Cheng was back, alive and healthy beyond Wei Wuxian's wildest dreams, whole once more in both mind and body - that they were side by side once more, finally back on track to fulfill his childish promise of them being the Twin Heroes to match the Twin Jades - that his lies had somehow transmuted to truth, and it was all resolved without sacrifice...

The first smile in what felt like months stole across Wei Wuxian's face. 

"All right," he said, laughing and slapping Jiang Cheng on the back as hard as he could. "Show me this new little brother of yours - I can't wait to spoil him rotten!"

"Tease him to death, you mean!"

"No, no, I can be good! Wen Qing has this little cousin, an orphan, I've been helping out with him - I have child-rearing skills -"

"I don't believe a word of it. Is it Mistress Wen or Second Master Lan that does all the work?"

"...Wen Ning, mostly, but that's not the point..."

Life, Wei Wuxian thought to himself, was good once more.

[sardonic-the-writer]

—amsterdam

SUMMARY | agreeing to come along with the group to amsterdam to participate in not one, but two tom simons videos, can get a little crazy

PAIRING | cc!tommyinnit x reader

REQUESTED | no

WORD COUNT | 1.1k+

AUTHORS NOTES | the tom simons channel is probably my favorite vlog channel ever

📹 Masterlist 📹 Navigation 📹 Rules 📹

This was the third time Charlie had destroyed your lego creation, and you were this close to locking him out of the room.

"I swear to god you fucker—" Another blocky build crumbled to peices as the brunette slapped his hand down on your own pair, laughing good naturedly all the while.

"Phiiiiil!" You turned your torso halfway to whine at the other man in the generic hotel room, who was looking at his phone blandly while resting on the foot of a bed opposite you. "Tell Charlie to stop being an asshole before I bite him!"

"Stop being an asshole to them Charlie before they bite you. And they will, it's not just a threat mate." The middle aged man echoed back without so much as looking up from his phone.

"Wow. Gee thanks Phil. Glad to know my pain and suffering is less important than your phon—Charlie I swear to fucking god!! One more time, and I mean it, one more time and I'm going to sic Tubbo on you in the video tomorrow!" You had since stopped looking at Phil, now scooping as many stray legos as you could close to your chest while Charlie attempted to steal them away from you.

"I paid for these with my own twitch prime! Back! Back, I say."

"Noooo." Charlie made a sound that reminded you of a gremlin, wiggling his fingers comically while trying to take more out of your pile. "The lego goblin must have his legos!!! Otherwise he may become, the tickle monster!"

"Oh no he fucking wont." You deadpanned at Charlie. He just smiled back at you innocently before wiggling his fingers once more and lunging for you, nearly knocking you both into Phil on the other bed with the effort of it.

"Take that, you hoarder!" He laughed, glasses knocked askew as his hands viciously attacked your sides with pokes and jabs as you screamed.

"Jesus fucking christ you two!!" Phil was looking at the both of you on the floor, clutching his phone to his chest in surprise while laughing.

"Phil! Help me! I'm dying! Tell my wife that—that I love her." You choked out a surprisingly loud and shocking gasp before going limp, your tounge dramatically lolling out of your mouth the way a cartoon character's might.

It was a lot harder than you thought it would be to hold in your laughter as you watched Charlie fall to his knees somberly, listening as he wailed on about how he had 'killed' you. It was even harder when you got a glimpse of Phil sitting above you, stuffing his fist in his mouth to try not to laugh at the two of you.

"—ow will I ever redeem myself!? I'll be tried in court, given years of prison time! I'll never make it in there! I'm too soft, too—oh hey Tommy."

You immediately scrambled to get to your feet alongside Charlie at that revelation, the both of you adjusting your disheviled appearances the best you could all while Phil cackled.

"Hey Toms." You smiled crookedly, trying to look nonchalaunt as possible while looking at the confused face of the boy currently peaking his head into your hotel room. Light from the hallway was now peaking into the room, washing over the few shadows left from spare luggage and souvenir bags people had left lying on the floor.

"What the fuck are you guys doing in here?" He furrowed his brows, laughing lightly at how put of breath everyone was. "We can hear you all the way across the wall. Wil sent me over here to get you to shut up. Managment was looking pretty upset when I was making my way over here too. Might be because I stole some candy from the reception desk earlier too though." He muttered the last bit quieter, covering it up poorly with a cough before looking back at you.

"Oh. Uh, sorry about that. Well, I died for a little bit, I think?" You scratched the back of your neck. Charlie nodded vigorously. A bit too vigorously to be discussing the topic of your supposed death if you were being honest.

"Yes. And from natural causes. Definitely not murder of any sorts! No, not at all! An all natural one. All natural death that is."

Tommy just tilted his head in Phil's direction, clearly not believing either of your very convincing tales.

"They were having a tickle fight over the legos you lot bought earlier." He ignored you and Charlie's whines to shut up as he talked to Tommy, who by now was laughing.

"A tickle fight?" He stepped forward and closed the door behind him, blue eyes shining with mischief as he grinned. "Without me? For shame you bastards."

"No. Tommy dont you dare, I know what you're thinking, mate. No no no I'm not about to let all of you just—and there you go. For christ's sake, Wil's going to kill me."

Phil backed away further on the bed, just nearly being missed as Tommy jumped onto Charlie and sent him sprawling, the two of them rolling around in a blur of colors in the hotel room while each tried to overpower the other.

You yourself were practically kneeling over with laughter, pumping a fist in the air while rooting for Tommy, only stopping at one point to pick up Charlie's glasses off the ground so they wouldn't get crushed in all the chaos.

It didn't last long, really, before Charlie let out a guttural cry and replicated what you had done earlier, falling limp as if he was now nothing but a corpse on a battlefield.

"And the winner is Tommathy Innit!!" You hollered cheerfully despite the groans of Phil to shut up, beaming at Tommy as he stood triumphantly, Charlie laying on the ground below spread out like a starfish. A very sweaty, very exhausted starfish. You imagined that you didn't look much different from him at the time though.

"Thank you, thank you! Really!" Tommy was now parading around the small confines of the room with his nose in the air. Doing what sounded like a very bad impression of a snooty car salesman as he went. "I'd like to thank my many wives, including Philza Minecraft's, and—oof!"

Everyone laughed as they watched Tommy shakily raise a fist from where he was now lying face first on the carpet, shooting a thumbs up to let you all know that he was okay from his sudden trip over a luggage bag.

"Graceful mate. Real graceful. Watch out for the suitcases next time though, Tommy."

"Fuck you lot." Was all he said before dissolving into laughter, most everyone following suit.

[meadowofdarts]

Qᴜᴇsᴛɪᴏɴɪɴɢ CʜɪSᴄᴀʀᴀ [Scaramouche, Tartaglia - Ft. (Name)] [Mᴏᴅᴇʀɴ AU]

i've discovered the "611 anthem" and it's been on my mind nonstop and this is how i ended up writing this... please it's so iconic 💀💀 i still can't believe griffin and patrick did something like this... i thank them for the awesome anthem 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️ (I'm also currently waiting for someone to animate it or the community to make more videos of it bcuz........... yes)

...

You were just in the living room, scrolling through your phone as you made yourself comfortable on the couch. You were bopping your head through the music playing from your Spotify.

The clubhouse for your group, the Fatui, was literally the best, probably better than your own home. Your leader, the Tsarita, definitely picked the grandest house for the members' hangout area.

Unfortunately, it was a Sunday, and many members, aka your besties and great friends, were busy today. You only knew that Pierro was hanging out with Capitano and Pulcinella.

And Pantalone, Sandrome, Columbina, and Signoria were out of town for a while. Dottore was busy with his science experiments, and Arlecchino was in another city called Fontaine. You didn't know why, but you didn't question it.

Leaving only you, Tartaglia, and Scaramouche. The two members you both love and had the biggest problem with complex names. Seriously, the two of them have like three or four names. But you love them either way.

You didn't know what they were doing. All you remember before was that you and Scaramouche were hanging out on the couch, watching trailers of the upcoming movies you both were interested in until Childe literally pulled him and dragged him away, ignoring Scaramouche's angry temper.

So here you are, listening nonstop to your music albums and scrolling through your phone, bored. God, what can you do?-

You snap out of your thoughts when you suddenly hear the loudest beats you've ever heard. It made you jump, and you heard it immediately come from the backyard of the clubhouse. You raise an eyebrow as you walk up to the door that leads outside.

As you were about to open it, you witness Scaramouche sitting on one of the pool chairs as he was wearing a gold chain that had an anemo symbol, and shades, and holding his mother's treasure like it was a trophy.

But you jumped when he literally yelled behind the door as the beat continued. "Yo, where you at, Childe!?"

You notice that Childe was wearing almost the same things, and his and Scara's outfits changed, looking like rappers.

"Lift your brims, Scara, I'M RIGHT HERE!" You see Childe coming, and he literally threw a pool ball to Scara, but the purple-haired guy was unbothered.

"HIT' EM WITH THAT FIRST VERSE!" Scaramouche laughed. "I mean, no. You were playable before me?"

"Uh-huh."

"Let's go!"

"Alright! Slay all day!"

You then watch the two going around the pool, singing and rapping about lyrics that involve the memes of their fan groups. They were recording themselves around the pool and literally, it was a strange sight that Scaramouche was dancing and saying the craziest lyrics.

You stifle your laughter behind the backyard door and immediately whipped out your phone to record them. Their voices were loud so the recording managed to get their beats playing and their voices. You wheezed out loud when they said some lines that sound super weird coming from them, most coming from Scaramouche.

You were planning to send this to the other members because this was hilarious to you. This was the new entertainment and music you were craving for.

...

Their song didn't end that long because, after around two minutes, they were finished. And you literally laughed dying at the last lines they had to say to their song as the beat dies down.

"Yo, Scara! That was more than Tartagalicious! That was SCARAMOUCHE-ALICIOUS! I can't even say it!"

"..."

"We should do an emo song next."

"...What?... The ANEMO song... Anemo..."

The moment the beat stops, you burst out laughing as you finish recording, and you decide to be a hysterical hyena, revealing yourself and stepping into the backyard.

Scaramouche and Childe look at you, laughing with your phone whipped out. Childe was surprised but he wasn't mad like Scaramouche who was literally red.

"OMG! WTF WAS THAT...!" You yelled, wheezing. "I'm not surprised Childe to do this, but you... Scara, I didn't think were into this too..!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, (NAME)!" Scaramouche fumed.

...

A few days later, the entire house was filled with absolute laughter.

You, who somehow manage to avoid Scaramouche and his evil actions to murder you, showed the recording to the members when all of them came back into the clubhouse.

Dottore, Columbina, Pulcinella, and Pantalone were laughing hysterically with you as the video plays its iconic lyrics and beats.

You even notice the Tsarita, laughing, the lady of the house who rarely expresses emotions, laughing with you. She wasn't as loud as you but her laugh was more than enough for you.

Sandrone and Capitano were giggling, not laughing as hard as most of you were, but still found the video amusing.

Meanwhile, Pierro, Arlecchino, and Signoria were deadpanning at the laughing members, but they mostly looked embarrassed and shameful of the video.

"Bro, literally, wtf?"

"I love it!!"

"Nice singing, Childe! You too, Scara!"

"It's so good!"

"...This is quite amusing."

"Very funny~"

"Quite fun."

"...Why am I even here?"

"...Such Children."

"...This is the most embarrassing thing in fatui history."

Childe was grinning in his seat, enjoying the attention and the music video. He was not bothered at all and loved how the song turned out.

But...

All laughter died down when Scaramouche entered with the scariest glare you've ever seen.

And he. was. staring. at. you.

You yelped and laughed nervously out loud when Scaramouche then chased you with a butter knife.

"SCARA, WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!"

"GET BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE BITCH!"

"...I'm surprised he's mad at (Name). I thought he would also be mad at Childe, too."

"Pierro, don't give Scaramouche ideas-"

"OH DON'T WORRY! I'LL MAKE SOMETHING TARTAGALICIOUS OUT OF AJAX!"

"WAIT, SCARAMOUCHE! I'M SORRY! AHHHH- HELP!"

...

Chaos flooded the entire clubhouse.

...

And through it all, the Tsarita smiled. "...What a lovely evening at the clubhouse!"

...

authors: ok, help... what did i create... idk i'm sorry... but i still love it... anyways, unless another iconic thing appears before me, don't worry I'm still working at starlight lmao... now I'm considering add something like this in starlight now...

:D

[adharastarlight]

Did I just write a wolfstar micro fic based on a textpost? Yes. So, thank you @flatpillow for the inspiration lmao

***

Sirius breathed out a reluctant exhale and turned his head away, much to his best friend's amusement. He shook his head slightly at the slowly spreading grin and collapsed onto his bed to bury his face into his pillow and stifle a groan.

"Is Pads okay?" Remus mused from the other side of the room, as if he had no idea what the bloody problem was. Nor that it was him.

James snorted whilst he shrugged, "not the foggiest clue."

He had something of a clue. Namely that Rem had just tugged off his jumper whilst talking to the boy who was currently hiding his crimson flush with his bedding. And his tee had ridden up very minutely as he did so. That his arms flexed when he chucked the jumper into his trunk. At least thats what James was assuming had happened, since it had been the reasoning that Si gave him the past three weeks when he was dying at three am. God, the Blacks were dramatic.

"What were you two even talking about?" Peter added with a concerned glance at his friend who was seemingly trying to disappear into his mattress.

"Quidditch. The match next week?" Remus muttered through a confused shake of his head at Sirius who'd managed to pull himself back up to sheepishly join in with the group's discussion.

"Ouais, it was." He swallowed the lump in his throat and forced out a smile, "and your commentary last time."

James sniggered at that, and made a show of ducking his head in embarrassment because all his friend had spent the match doing was commenting on how a certain chaser couldn't keep his eyes off of a certain seeker.

"I don't see the issue. It's not like I was commenting on you, Pads."

"Maybe that's the problem." Pete voiced, ignoring the glare immediately shot his way. Because at this point, the only one oblivious to Sirius' little crush was the object of his affections. Even some first year had commented on his heart eyes the other week.

"What? Why would that be a problem, cariad?"

Sirius flushed scarlet, somehow a darker red than before and shook his head adamantly, "that is not-"

"He's an attention whore, you know that Rem." James filled in smoothly behind his giggles disguised as obvious coughs.

"Yeah, not the only kind of whore he is."

"Moony! Unfair." It wasn't meant to be a whine, not at all. But here they all were, staring at him as he contemplated running and jumping out of their window.

Remus cocked an eyebrow at him and smirked, a slow, almost unsure smirk that made the older boy internally combust a good few hundred times, "oh? Who said I was trying to be fair, Si?"

James and Peter glanced between the pair, stifling their laughter with the backs of their hands or lips drawn tightly into half pouts. Sirius merely scoffed and flicked his wrist until the room was drenched in darkness.

*

Remus shook his head, a wide grin painting his features as the redhead in front of him gestured wildly around the common room.

"I'm telling you, Remus. She is this close to falling in love with me."

"You're dillusional, there's no chance Macdonald is that idiotic."

"Oi! What about you, huh? Falling in love with the most dramatic dog in existence."

His eyes widened as he scanned the common room, desperately praying said dog wasn't present before fixing her with a slight glare, "I am not falling in love with him."

"Oh please, you definitely are."

"If he hasn't already."

Remus spun at the slytherin’s voice and groaned, throwing his face into his hands with a frustrated whimper, "what are doing here, Black?"

"Listening to you pine after my brother again, apparently."

"Lily, make my ass of a best friend piss off."

Regulus snorted and planted himself firmly in between the two gryffindors, much to the redhead’s amusement, "listen, Lupin, if you don't get your damn emotions in order-"

"Oh says you Mr Simp-For-The-Simpiest-Man-Ever." Lily ignored the scowl turned her way and merely ruffled the younger boy's hair, "I'm just saying, Baby Black, he's not the only one fucked."

"Perhaps but at least I'm dating my achilles heel and I'm not solely metaphorically fucked."

Remus shoved his shoulder and shook his head reluctantly, "its pointless."

"Why don't you try flirting?"

"Don't be an idiot, Evans, that would require him having literally any moves."

"Asshole."

*

James' face broke into a lovesick smile the moment the pair stepped foot into the common room and that meant one thing: Regulus was here.

Sirius rolled his eyes as he was half dragged over to the sofa, where low and behold, his brother, crush and Lils were sat, "hey Red."

"Black, darling, how's you?"

"Dealing with this bundle of energy so not splendid."

"Hey now, that's my boyfriend, you intolerant shit."

James snorted and planted a decisive kiss to the top of the slytherin’s head, "I am indeed."

Lily grinned, apparently forgetting (or not caring) that Sirius was there as she spoke, "why don't you go and let him tire himself out then, Baby Black?"

Reg glared at her but didn't protest when his boyfriend nodded and hauled him up, legs automatically wrapping around his torso when he wasn't placed back down, "au revoir. Remus, don't be a wuss."

Sirius' eyes latched immediately to the werewolf at that, blocking out the giggles and soft mutters between his best friend and little brother as he did so, "ooo why're you being a wuss?"

The redhead answered before the other even had a chance to figure out a response, "he can't comprehend that he's perfectly capable of flirting with people." And with that she flounced off, leaving Remus to plan her murder as he chanced a glance at his friend.

His eyes flitted slightly in a pang of jealousy he couldn't contain but he managed to force a snort to break free of his slowly pursing lips, "want some help, Moons?"

"Nac oes, cariad."

Sirius felt his cheeks burn, the words escaping before he had even a moment to think them through, "could you stop trying to seduce me!?"

"I'm not trying to seduce y-" He broke off and met the flushed boy's gaze, hope clearly flitting across his face, "do you want me to seduce you, Pads?"

He paused, scanning the room for some support before realising it was futile and hesitantly nodding, "peut être."

Remus couldn’t stop his grin, reaching to cup the other's jaw without thinking, "really?"

"Really. Are you going to be a wuss or are you going to kiss me?"

"You're such an ass, cariad. Come here."

Sirius gnawed on his lip for a moment before scrambling closer and letting their lips hover together, "I hate how easily you can seduce me."

"No, you love it."

His reply was lost in the kiss, if he even uttered one, their lips finding each other as Rem’s fingers trailed up to the black locks, threading through and twisting them into loose plaits or loops that would probably end up being knotted. But Sirius couldn't care less, not right now. Insteas he hummed and leaned further into the embrace, leading to him being tugged to fall somewhat elegantly on the werewolf’s lap, his arms looping around Remus' neck to steady himself.

Okay, he definitely loved it.

[bookishnewt]

Listening to Curse of Strahdanya since I'm caught up on Once Upon a Witchlight. I am currently dying of laughter over the Professor being possessed by a ghost child and Shepard trying to take control of the situation.

[audioroleplayconfessions]

https://www.tumblr.com/audioroleplayconfessions/733929859603152896/httpswwwtumblrcomaudioroleplayconfessions733

I've heard and seen a few of these creators pop up before in my recommendations! I will definitely check them out later!

Currently, I'm listening to Escaped Audio's “Accidentally stomped on Stuart Little” video right now and...

If you'll excuse me while I'm holding my stomach and dying of laughter at this creation, it's hard to type and read with tears in my eyes. I do not know what I expected when I saw this and decided to watch it on interest but I love the feral unhinged nature of these kinds of audios!

I bid you adieu, have a good morning/noon/night! Thank you again for the recommendations!

Love, the currently coughing and choking from laughter, making noises akin to a boiling tea kettle, wiping tears and trying with difficulty to not end up on the wikipedia page for death by laughter,

T.

Not the Stewart Little video! That video is deeply cursed (I love it though). If you like that kind of chaotic comedy though, you would love The New Jersey Rats (my second favorite audio rp series of all time) and also probably Against the World and the Rival Slasher Series. All three of those have great comedy in them but are also heartfelt and sincere and have amazing plots/romance.

If you like feral/chaotic/surreal audios you might actually like Scythe Audio as well! He's definitely an oddball, very different from your standard boyfriend ASMR channel so it's really up to chance whether you love him or hate him. You'd might like his Therian (Tiger Man) series or his Villain series.

[darkimpala1897]

Eddie under the control of Vecna, Steve decided to use poor Gareth as a bait which was going as swimmingly as you can imagine. Gareth was currently running away from psycho Eddie.

Gareth: "Come where are you Eddie?"

Eddie pops out from around a corner now wielding a pickax.

Gareth: "No, not Eddie, not Eddie, not Eddie. I can't stop Eddie, I can't stop Eddie!"

Gareth completely was freaking out because why they couldn't they use Jeff, Kevin, Dustin, Jason but him seriously.

Gareth: "Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve now, now Steve now he's gonna kill me if you don't help me. Steve now, Steve I swear to god I'm gonna fucking kill you!"

Eddie had managed to get pass the blockage that Gareth put up to protect himself from the pick ax wielding best friend of his.

Gareth: "Steve! Steve your boyfriend is gonna kill me! Steve I need you right now!"

Gareth had managed to get away, he ran away stopping for a breath seeing a shadow hoping it was finally Steve.

Gareth: "Oh God, oh god, that's not Steve, Eddie please listen to me I have been you're best friend since fucking preschool, Steve!

Eddie snickering his voice was definitely not his.

Eddie: "Scream all you want princess, Steve's not coming he used you as bait so he could get away with everyone else."

Gareth not giving up that easily because Steve wouldn't just leave him.

Gareth: "Steve!"

Steve was getting ready to move into position, he was trying to figure a way to contain Eddie intill he snapped out of whatever the fuck was happening. Gareth managed to get away again up intill Eddie popped out from around a corner.

Gareth: "Steve! No, oh no you're back, oh no no no I'm gonna die my best friend is gonna murder me with a pickax no no no come on Eddie please I'm begging you to listen to me."

Steve could hear poor Gareth freaking out, he felt horrible but Gareth was the fastest out of all of them and Steve knew that Gareth would be okay.

Gareth: "Steve!"

Eddie still chasing after Gareth not snapping out of whatever the hell was happening.

Eddie: "Would you just shut up!"

Gareth: "Steve!"

Steve looking towards everyone who had to came to help, Jeff was holding back laughter because poor Gareth's voice was breaking so it sounded kinda funny now.

Gareth: "Steve! Steve please!"

Eddie almost takes off Gareth's head but by some miracle he managed to dodge the attack.

Gareth: "oh god, no seriously Eddie I'm not dying not like this, not like this please Eddie listen to me, someone anyone help me please. Steve! Steve! You bitch were are you! Steve! Steve!"

He felt someone grab a hold of him covering his mouth Gareth managed to see Steve, Robin, Dustin had managed to restrain Eddie and take the pickax away.

Steve: "It's over Eddie, it's okay we are gonna help you now okay it's all gonna be okay."

Gareth looked at who grabbed a hold of him, it was Jason.

Jason: "You scream like a girl."

Gareth: "You would to if you're best friend was chasing after you with a pickax."

[faulty-writes]

hi!! i absolutely adore your writing and how you portray iida! this is my first ever request so let me know if i made any mistakes lol

may i request iida x gn!reader whos the opposite of him? like pretty chill, kinda a rule bender, not that passionate, maybe likes to mess around with him? but still respects him and his ambitions lol. sorry if you’ve done something like this before!!

[ I gotta say that is the one consistent comment I get on here. I'm so happy that others enjoy the way I write him. After all, he's my favorite baby <3 I gotta do him justice! So yeah, I have done something similar, but it's Tenya so I'd be happy to write this out. Congrats on your first request with me! You did a good job! ]

"Who left this container of milk open!? It's likely to spoil!" Tenya exclaimed one morning as he closed the door to the fridge and held up the container. "Dude chill..." Kyoka replied as she placed her elbow on the counter island.

Tenya narrowed his eyes. "I fail to see how I can 'chill' as this is a rather serious issue," he stated, pointing to the gallon of milk. However, his attention shifted when he heard you snickering, you were sitting next to Kyoka and trying your best to quiet your laughter.

"Y/n!" he bellowed, proceeding to chop his hand through the air in quick succession. "Oh boy..." you said, your laughter completely dying down as you turned to look at him. But, you ended up jumping in surprise when you noticed he now stood in front of the counter island.

'How fast can he walk? I didn't even hear him,' you thought before swallowing the lump in your throat. "Did you leave the milk container purposely open despite my set of rules clearly depicted on the inside of the refrigerator door?" he demanded, continuing to chop his hand through the air.

"Uh...well," you scratched the side of your head, glancing at Kyoka before shifting your attention back to Tenya. You slid off of your seat and approached him, watching that hand as it moved back and forth before you grasped it midair.

"I don't see what the big deal is, Jirou is right," you said, noticing the way Tenya's eyes widened and his cheeks became slightly flushed. You assumed this was due to the fact that you were currently holding his hand.

You smirked before balancing yourself on the tips of your toes. "Uh, p-pardon but-" his words came to a halt when you grabbed his shoulder and used it as momentum to pull you up just enough to press a kiss to the side of his cheek.

Your simple action caught him off guard and he mistakenly released the milk gallon which landed on the floor. The sound caused you to jump, but luckily you weren't splashed by the milk that now poured out of the jug.

"You have to learn how to chill!" you said, laughing at his reaction before you turned to run. "Bye-bye!" you exclaimed, disappearing out of sight. Tenya blinked, seeming to come back to reality, and once again raised his hand in the air.

"Y/n!" he snapped, "come back here at once and clean up the mess you have created!" Kyoka who had watched the scene go down, sat at the counter laughing despite Tenya's displeased expression. "Please cease your laughter!" he demanded, crossing his arms with a huff.

After a quick change of clothes, you found yourself racing to class. On occasion you were late, which often subjected you to Tenya's lectures on organizing your time better and how you were supposed to be a positive representation of Class A.

But today you happened to be early and proceeded to plop down before placing your feet onto the flat surface of your desk. "Ah," you grinned as you relaxed...for a short few minutes. "Y/n!" you jumped, nearly falling out of your seat.

"What!?" you snapped in reply before realizing Tenya was standing in front of you with his arms crossed. "Take your feet off of the desk at once!" he demanded as he gestured with his finger and chopped his opposite hand through the air.

You raised an eyebrow. "You sure don't listen to advice, do you?" a snicker left your mouth, and the urge to continue to push his buttons rose. "I do not believe being 'chill' will solve anything, now please remove your feet from the top of your desk!" he repeated furiously.

"Heh..." you smirked before placing your feet back down. Tenya opened his mouth to thank you, but you interrupted him. "You really want me to take my feet off of the desk, huh?" before he could respond, you proceeded to step onto your seat and climb onto the top of your desk.

You spread your arms out. "How about now?!" Tenya's jaw fell open and he began to panic. "Get down immediately before you injure yourself!" he demanded, but instead you proceeded to stomp around the small space causing his panic to increase.

You were feeling rather satisfied with your antics, though they could be considered careless to most. You had decided to yet again tease Tenya during training by making silly faces to distract him. This ended up backfiring because you failed to notice an incoming attack.

This is what led Tenya to escort you to the nurse's office. "I fail to see the amusement in your rather childish antics," he stated angrily, crossing his arms with a glare directed towards you. Cuts littered your body, and your hero suit was torn in several places, revealing bruised skin.

You tasted iron in your mouth and you were grasping the side of your hip with the opposite hand as you sat on one of the beds waiting for Recovery Girl to get the supplies she needed. But still, you glanced at Tenya with a pout.

You weren't sure what you could say to him, well other than the fact you just enjoyed messing with him. But would he understand that? He sighed before taking a step closer. "May I sit with you?" he asked and you glanced away, nodding politely before feeling the bed dip.

Silence filled the air for a few moments, and you glanced back at him. Taking notice of his straight posture and the way he looked ahead, intent on waiting for Recovery Girl to give him the reassurance that you were okay before he left.

Even without words, Tenya showed how much he cared for you despite the way you treated him. Sure it wasn't in a bad way, but you thought back to this morning when you made him spill the milk and how aggravated he became when you stomped all over the top of your desk.

You frowned and folded your hands together. "H-hey..." you said quietly, catching Tenya's attention. "Hm?" he turned to look at you. "Is something wrong? Are you in pain? I could-" he stopped when you shook your head.

"I mean my body hurts but it's alright," you replied before glancing at your hands and threading your fingers together. You hung your head, feeling more nervous than anything. "It's just..." you nibbled on your lip, unsure of how to express yourself.

"I really like moments like this...with you and..." he blinked, somewhat surprised by your words. Your shoulders slumped and you nervously tapped your feet against the floor. "I...I'm sorry I'm always teasing you, I don't do it because I hate you or anything!" you exclaimed, almost cursing yourself for speaking too loudly.

"I, uh...well I actually respect you, and your ambitions. J-just the way you carry yourself and everything it's..." you felt your face begin to grow hot. "C-cool..." you glanced away, not exactly wanting Tenya to see how red your face was.

He felt his heart accelerate at your words and pressed his hand against the cool metal of his Ingenium suit. "I..." he swallowed before clearing his throat. "That is quite alright! I am rather honored that you view me in such a manner," he said causing your head to turn back.

"R-really?" you immediately noticed the smile he was wearing and couldn't help but return it. "I...I'm glad you feel that way," you replied with a nervous laugh, secretly hoping that Recovery Girl would come back with those supplies.

[jugglingjujube]

Tag nine (9) people you’d like to know better

Tagged by @thewinterstale

Last song: What Might Have Been by Regina Spektor. I just really love that album. Probably because I was listening to it while I was wandering around a mountain in Hong Kong by myself at 7am. And then also while I was sitting on a mountain in the Philippines at 7am. But also it's a lovely song

Currently watching: Knitting podcasts and City Planner Plays (cities syklines) on youtube. I like yarn and city planning and honestly just need something on while I'm knitting.

But if I am going to recommend something, ChemKnits tutorials makes videos about dying yarn. She uses super cool techniques and the videos are very relaxing and you get to see a bunch of pretty colours!

Currently Reading: Just finished Love on the Brain by Ali Hazelwood. I really loved the romance stuff and was weirdly annoyed by the science stuff.

The book was perceived enemies to lovers with a lot of denial so you know. Very good. 3/5 stars

Current Obsession: The Locked Tomb. I first read all the books in the span of a week in December and it has changed my brain chemistry.

I love all of it. I've forced my friends to read it. If you haven't read it you should. 10/5 stars.

Also I'm getting back into kntiting hats. They're quick wins compared to all the thin summer tops I've been making.

tagging @free-laughter @darkrainbow820 @linecoveredinjellyfish @dabblingreturns @banahbanah @hamslamspacejam @circle--of--confusion @nixieteeth @boop-beep

[cartooncadet666]

Shifted AU: Cyborg Specter Quotes

In the Shifted AU, Specter was attacked by a demon species named Vox, it decayed most of his body so his ghost wouldn't properly form, that's what made Dr. Silvers (Dr. Buttocks) rebuild him as a ghost-like robot, who has his own intelligence, attitude, intentions, and memories. Yet of course, he lacks emotion, Sir Cumference is working on that. So here are some of Specter's quotes from this AU! Note that if you try to imagine his voice, it's just his regular voice, just more coded/robotic.

"My identification is Shadon Silvers, I apologize for the sudden inconvenience of not pleasing your needs Pac Man."

"[...] The sudden change caused me to adapt to more of my robotic abilities that were granted by Dr. Silvers and Sir Cumference."

"I am Shadon Silvers, a vast weapon that belongs to the Resistance and The Freedom Fighters as my intentions is to protect those of Pac-World and serve justice for the souls of the Nether Realm, my coding allows me to defeat whomever is in my path of achieving my goals and plans to protect our world as a whole."

"Negative. I can't access the Round House, their technological security has been damaged."

"I am defective and stupid, according to your variant my lord."

"Spiral as just a side character to your story? If I was programmed with the ability to show emotion, I would be dying of laughter."

"I am lucky I am just a robotic creation, I fear what would happen if I was able to show disgust to this man."

"Master Spiral, your father wants to see you in his office."

"As you wish my lord."

"Yes my lord."

"It is clear my lord."

"I'm afraid it's not my lord."

"I do not have the code for your request my lord."

"*glitching noises*"

"I suppose I will be your guide. Come along then Commander Betrayus."

"Death comes upon everyone, even the best people on our planet, but we shall not let it speak to those we love, that is why we pray."

"This will be the last time you see the light of day again."

"I have no interest in romantic desires, how in Pac-World does it even work? Is it a battle to the death?"

"I suppose I'm not very good with these things. "

"Children are very strange. That is why I stay with the adults here."

"Master Spiral, your father said to not interfere with your alternate being. It's a rule he made just now I'm afraid."

"Good morning Doctor, I am having trouble with my system."

"I appreciate your current effort Mr. Borealis, but matters like these require professionals. Learn from the teachers."

"The Cylindria of the Ghost-v-Pac timeline told me that you seemed less evil than Commander Betrayus. What do you think she meant by that my lord?"

"Master Spiral please do not encourage this behavior."

"Master Spiral! Manners!"

"Master Spiral I cannot do that, you are injured, I was told by your father to not leave the room until you are healed."

"Master Spiral, listen to me, you are a piece of sh*t and I will not tolerate these foul manners."

"Yes Doctor."

"As you please Doctor."

"Shadon Silvers. Cease talking."

"My lord your son is just as stubborn as you. I am not saying it is a bad thing, I am simply saying he needs to be more educated."

"Master Spiral is 'hitting on our Pac' apparently to their Cylindria."

"I can only deal with one of you for so long, but two? Kill me now why don't you."

"That is simply my display of affection my lord."

"The chip does not seem to be working, perhaps my system is refusing the sudden upgrade."

"I don't swear, don't pressure me into it Commander Betrayus."

"You are very attractive both ways, good and evil, however I wouldn't take someone who belongs to my variant, it is clear, I just so happen to know that for a fact."

"Yes Doctor?"

"I'm sorry Doctor."

"Doctor my non-existent braincells are dying, what does that mean? Teenagers and their language nowadays is confusing."

"Watch and learn like a student, not a critic."

"I am gay, yay.... Is that a good thing?"

"Is having romantic attraction to someone a disease?"

"I forbid you to leave."

"Farewell Pac Man. Make it home safe."

"I hate being a robot, that is true, but I hate the fact this was my second and only chance to live again even more."

"You are better than my Spiral for sure, you don't have to worry about it, you haven't lost anything young Spiral."

"Now that they're gone.. Doctor Silvers? What does gay mean? Is it a mental illness?"

"My lord, Ghost-v-Pac Spiral requested me to ask you if you can smack my ass like a drum."

"Don't call me Shadon anymore, my name is Specter. Specter the gay lightning ghost, apparently."

"Ah children, joyful demon spawns from hell coming in an adult life."

[romanoffsbish]

Listen... This was a prompt by one of my besties who's "never read fanfic..." before.

We were up in the clouds 👀 in our Vegas hotel room when it was formulated, and I'm going to transcribe said prompt from the videos if you would like to read. Then now that I'm firmly back on the ground, I'm going to write it 😂.

For all intents and purposes, I will switch out Halsey for Y/N to make it fit, and I will also narrow the plot down because it got lost on her a bit.

Please enjoy our spicy (18+) under the influence ramblings.

—

Me: “Give me an idea”

“Halsey…” Me: “What are we?” (Same time)

Me: “Halsey is Natasha Romanoff, okay!”

“No! Halsey and Natasha Romanoff!”

Me: “Oh.. Fuck!”

“It’s getting spicy in here.”

Me: “Ooh, it’s so spicy!” *Snorts*

…

“Is this enemies to lovers, are they like childhood friends who turned into lovers?”

“They’re like rivals..?”

Me: “Ooh, enemies to lovers. Mmm. So, Natasha is Scarlett Johansson technically so she can sing. So—.”

“Yeah..”

Me: “—they-they tryna get the-the-the alternative bitches to love them.”

“Uh-huh.”

Me: “and they in a war.

“They’re in a war because they’re going for the same role in-in a job that they’re doing.

Me: “Yuh.”

“And they audition for it, and only one can get it.”

Me: *Gasps*

“So then it’s up to the people of the school to see who’s more popular right? So then, Scarlett Johansson and Halsey go at it. *mimics fighting*. They’re like ‘Fight! Fight! Fight!’ It turns out… Halsey’s more popular!”

—Video cut—

Me: “Go!”

“Scarlett’s getting beat by Halsey. *rounds arm around* and then she’s like *twirls hair*… After Halsey left Scarlett’s like.. over here smirking like *Does the Debby Ryan* .. ooh.”

Me: *unintelligible noise*

“.. that felt good!”

Me: “Ooh! Spicyyyyy.”

*Friend clings to pringles can in a fit of laughter*

—Video cut—

Me: “Alright, continue—continue.”

*Props her phone up*

“Alright, this is part 3”

Me: *Burps obnoxiously*

*Giggles / Snorts galore*

Me: “Ok! 👹Go on!👹”

…

“Scarlett was turnt the fuck up! She was in-in lust… Let’s go, keep going bestie, and maybe I’ll write this prompt.”

*proceeds to giggle while grabbing her phone*

“This.. *wheezing* bitch.”

—Video Cut—

Me: “Ok this is part *unsure of herself* four?!

of no one knows how many parts.”

*sets phone up-in her own world*

“Part 4. So then Scarlett goes to the wrestling room *twirling hair* where Halsey’s doing her afternoon stretches *Stretches for reference/proceeds to lean forward for dramatic effect*

“Scarlett says— ‘I’m sorry that I did that to you, but that was no need to hit me.”

“But then Halsey’s like— ‘I wanted to hit you more, but in a loving way’ *suggestive brow*

Me: “Woah!”

*attempts to go on, but then proceeds to put a hand over her face while laughing—I’m currently snorting(As I found out I do frequently when up in the clouds).*

Me: “In a loving way.” *Mockingly through snorts*

“In a sexual way.” *Through a fit of laughter*

Me: “oooh. *snort* In a loving way—in a sexual way.”

“So then Scarlett’s looking into Halsey’s eyes, gets closer—.”

Me: *dying!* “I thought that was my Arizona tea!” *it was in fact the rest of my buzzball🥲*

*friend dying while I’m gagging/actually dying*

—Video Cut—

Me: “Recap *slams fist down in air* “In a sexual way” *repeats action* “In a loving way.”

“In a loving way”

*gets serious*

“And then Scarlett pulls Halsey closer, and they’re looking into each other’s eyes. It starts getting hot between them *gestures hand in front of face* between the space. They—Scarlett looks at Halsey’s lip, she’s biting them *exaggerated lip bite*”

*laughter*

“Scarlett is feeling Halsey’s heart beat-beating fast cause her hand is on her boob!

Me: *Unintelligible noise of shock*

“What even is that? First base? Second base?”

*laughter*

Me: “In-in ‘lesbians’ that’s marriage, in love, we there.”

*breaks down laughing, falling into her pillow sat in her lap—10 seconds of both women just simply laughing*

Me: “Love it.”

—Video Cut—

*Proceeds to get unfocused—Singing along to ‘No Scrubs’ by TLC very passionately*

— Video Cut —

*Song still lightly playing in the background*

“This is part 8.” (Definitely a lie)

“So then, Scarlett grabs Halsey, throws her on the wrestling mat because they’re in the wrestling room, and Halsey’s stretching for her wrestling match. So then, at that time they were just ‘practicing’ for later, for the tournament, but it got hot and heavy.”

Me: *interrupts* “and they really wrestled”

“They really wrestled…”

Me: Ooh

“…Like, adult hugged.”

Me: Ooh

*uncontainable laughter*

Me: “Was anybody packing a strap?.. Secretly.”

“I think Halsey was.”

Me: “Ahh! *points finger* “She’s the dom here.”

“And then, *twirls hair and gets lost*

Me: *Drinks aggressively*

“Then they drink mimosas after, and this is all taking place in high school.”

Me: *squeals*

“Then a teacher walks by, but one that had a crush on Scarlett.. I know! *Turns camera to my shocked face* Scandal!”

— Video Cut—

Me: “Girl you were getting there, you were getting somewhere. They were having mimosas in high school…”

“The teacher…”

Me: “ooh, and the teachers in love with one of them.”

“Scandal.”

Me: *Slurps tea*

“This is part number ??.. 9”

Me: “9 point something.”

“So basically.. *unintelligible mutterings”

Me: *Dancing and singing to ‘No Scrubs’

“So a teacher walked by, and this teacher happened to be in love with Scarlett.”

Me: *nods* “Okay”

“Then he saw Halsey—his flunker of a class—he’s like ‘Ooh, I’m gonna get this little weasel’ I’m not gonna use the b-word but since *stuttering* this is High School… Then he went to the principal, like yo, I saw these kids canoodling..”

Me: *Slams can down*

“But the principal walked to the wrestling room to find Scarlett and Halsey fully clothed.”

Me: *gasps*

“And..*giggles*

Me: “Perfect!… But did they have the sexy time in between?”

“Yeah.” Me: “Like?” (same time)

—Video Cut—

Me: “Yo…”

“Like shit, let’s do it properly, but like fast.”

Me: *Nods in understanding* “Get me there quickly bitch.”

“Yeah! *chuckles* and then when they put their clothes on really fast and stood by the door, but they were doing hopscotch in the way so it didn’t seem sus when the principal walked in. So when the principal walked in he said ‘Teacher what are you talking about? These are class A *pause* students ?”

Me: “Top of the honors li—the dean’s list.”

“Yeahhh *Jersey accent*”

“The teachers like I swear I saw them scissoring!”

Me: *low scoff* “He said scissoringgg”

…

“Very inaccurate in the life of the worlds but yes, keep going bestie.”

“And this is part 10…”

— Video Cut —

Me: “Let’s make this the final part—Quick (x3)”

“Part 10–So then, the teacher looked at.”

Me: *slurps*

“So, Halsey and —*stuttering* Natasha??”

Me: “Scarlett.”

“Scarlett… Natasha’s her nickname.”

Me: “Yes!”

“That Halsey gave her. They knew they almost got caught by the teacher, so they had to find a different room to do the…”

Me: “So they can’t wait to get home, they just wanna be hoes in every classroom of the school.”

“Yeah, it’s like 2:50 in the afternoon and they’re like ‘lets dip, I got strawberries and whipped cream waiting at home’ so then long story short(HAHAHA) they went over to Scarlett’s house because none of her parents or siblings were there. They went upstairs to her room and started playing ‘Hide the Pickle.’”

Me: “Hide the Pickle…?”

“I’m kidding, they were taking shots off each other with whipped cream.”

Me: “and you said strawberries.”

“And strawberries.”

— Video Cut —

Me: “Part 12?”

“No?? Oh! I didn’t finish it.”

Me: “No, you didn’t.”

“Part 12! So what turned into a strawberry shortcake fantasy was nothing more but a dream… to poor Scarlett.”

Me: *GASP* “A wet dream?!”

“It was in fact a wet dream… In class! With the teacher that supposedly caught her in the dream. She ended up getting detention, and guess who was there..”

..

“Halsey!”

“DUN DUN DUN!” (both)

Me: “Then they fucked in the closet for real.”

“Yeah they fucked in the closet.”

(For context here is a tiny snippet)

[mistydeyes]

Hi I was hoping to get a cod pairing please if that's still open!

Appearence wise I'm 5'4 on the lighter side, brown skin and long wavy hair. I also have a few moles on my face and some various scars around my body from childhood accidents. And I'm in my mid-twenties.

Occupation: I'm currently going for a degree in animation but with a focus in fine arts. I just really love art in general and my backup plan is just to be an art teacher because I love the idea of cultivating little ones creativity.

Personality: I'm more on the reserved/introverted side with some anxiety issues. But once I'm comfortable around people I become somewhat chattier. When I'm really comfortable I like to talk about anything that interest me or just show random memes and videos. Im more of a listener but also when I do talk I feel like kinda a mom friend lol. I also really love gaming, videogames or board games just any activity where you play in a group. I can get kinda competitive with games though lol I blame being an older sister

Johnny "Soap" Mactavish

How you met: Civilian Your brother was on leave from his illustrious military career and had encouraged you to meet him and his mates at the pub. You were his older sister so you were excited to hear that your younger brother was reaching out. When you reached the pub, he texted you that he was running late. You let him know it was okay and walked up to the bar to order a beer. "I can cover that, sweetheart," a man around your age said and paid for your drink. You clinked your tall glass with his and sat to face him. "Thank you," you replied as you appreciated the kind gesture, especially from someone as handsome as him. "Meeting someone?" he asked and you noted his Scottish accent. "My younger brother and some of his mates but he's running a bit behind," you replied as you checked your phone. "Same here, guess both our mates are piss-poor at being on time." You both laughed as you continued sipping on your beverages. "I'm Johnny, by the way," he said and stuck out his hand like a gentleman. "I'm Y/N, nice to meet you, Johnny," you smiled back. Just as Johnny wondered if your name was common enough to also be the name of Kyle's sister, a man soaked from the rain walked in. "Kyle!" you waved over and the color left Johnny's face. "Y/N!" he exclaimed and gave you a hug. He eyed Johnny viciously, "looks like you've already met my mate, this is Johnny," he said through gritted teeth. Johnny gulped as he knew his ass was getting kicked in the sparring ring next time.

A peek into your relationship: Despite all the warnings and interference from your brother, you and Johnny had settled into a comfortable relationship. While on leave, you would spend hours cuddling in bed and catching him up on the latest TikToks and memes. You still lived separate but he practically moved into your flat when he was home. Late in the afternoon, Johnny went up to get some snacks and when he returned you were cackling in bed. "What's so funny in here?" he asked as he laid down next to you. "Please watch this," you said with tears of laughter forming in your eyes. He looked at what you were dying at and soon realized it was about a guy finding out the other is dating his sister. "Not funny," he said and jokingly threw popcorn at you. "Your brother is a fucking menace, he put Nair in my shampoo when he found out we were going on a date," he exclaimed and you remembered when he showed up to the restaurant with no eyebrows and mohawk. "Yet I still asked you for another date," you said and kissed him gently. "My younger brother will always be the dork who read books at night with a flashlight."

[procrastinatorproject]

It is done!

So... I was thinking of making these all chapters of a larger fic. The Soji portion was a little over 1.5k words, the Raffi part was just over 3k. The Rios "chapter" is finished as a first draft and is currently at 6.627 words. ... I have a problem, people 🙈

(And the Soji one is at least as good as the others. It's just... so difficult not to indulge. But then again, I'm not writing these things fro the dense plotting... Ah well. We'll see what eventually ends up on AO3. But for now: here is a snip*!)

*(unsurprisingly, it's much too long to realistically call a "snippet")

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Rios’s voice was a perfect imitation of Steward’s Southern Drawl, and Emil nearly gasped.

But the captain wasn’t done. When he spoke again, he was using a lilting accent that the EMH couldn’t place. “It’s like this, see, these programmers know where’n get the bestest voices. They’re smarter-er than youse would ever think. Or mays-be youse are just über-dim…”

Once again, and against his will, Emil burst out laughing. “What was that?”

Rios grinned. “Sixteen-year-old Tellarite. Or the equivalent age for their species, anyway. Teenagers. The UT had one hell of a time trying to translate their speech patterns. We tried to learn some of their expressions, but they informed us we were ‘depleted’, which I think means ‘embarrassing?’”

Emil shook his head. “When did you have a chance to observe Tellarite teenagers? I understand they don’t often leave Tellar before they come of age?”

“Oh, we were shuttling them around on a school trip. Some big interstellar youth debate competition — which they won, of course. Wiped the floor with the Klingon delegation; it was brutal.” Rios smiled at the memory. “They gloated the entire week-long trip back home and decided that newly-minted Starfleet officers were a worthy substitute target for practice. So we had plenty of time listening to them as they grilled us on the finer points of UFP diplomacy protocols. According to Vaasiir chim Ners, we’re all a disgrace to the uniform and should be retroactively failed for our Academy finals.” Rios’s smile started to fade as his eyes became unfocused, looking into the middle distance.

“Captain?” the EMH asked and reached out to touch Rios’s shoulder.

The captain shuddered at the touch, but he focused his attention back on Emil. His smile turned rueful as he said: “Sorry, I just… I guess I just realized she must be an adult by now… I wonder what became of her. And the rest of them…”

Emil was sure Rios was not just referring to the teenage Tellarites, but he could also see all the signs of rapidly growing exhaustion on the captain’s face. Probably best not to let him dwell on these particular questions.

He squeezed Rios’s shoulder and gave him an encouraging smile. “Wherever Ms chim Ners is now, I’m sure she’d be delighted to have left such a lasting impression. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to listen to Ian talk about ‘depleted’ plasma reserves with a straight face again.” Emil tried to imitate the way the captain had said the word, and Rios actually smiled even if there was still a wistfulness to it.

“That pronunciation was awful,” he said. “Don’t ever try to use it with a Tellarite teenager. They’ll mock you so fiercly over it, you’ll never be able to scrub it from your memory files.”

“At least I don’t sound like some ‘über-dim’ debate nerd.” Even as he said it, Emil could tell his accent on the slang term sounded nothing like it was supposed to.

Now, Rios was the one startled into a burst of laughter. “How are you so bad at this? We have the same voice, couldn’t you just copy the way I said it?”

Emil crossed his arms, suddenly feeling rather defensive. “I’m so sorry, I would allocate more of my processing to linguistic shenanigans, but unfortunately it’s bound up in all this pesky medical functionality. You know. Useless things like ‘how to keep your captain from dying of asphyxiation’ and ‘you should not tie your patient to the biobed no matter how many times they try to get up even though you told them not to’.”

“It’s okay,” Rios grinned and then continued in a pitch-perfect imitation of Emil’s own, crisp English accent: “We wouldn’t want you to overtax your fragile algorithms.”

For half a second, they both stared at each other, then, as one, they started laughing. Suddenly, their was barely any difference left between their voices.