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psychovigilantewrites · 1 year

Text

It's Been Awhile

Pairing: Jason Todd/Reader

Word Count: 5,500

Rating: Explicit, there is sex, R18

Summary: Reader visits Jason after some time.

Masterlist | Ao3

A/N: Hey guys! It's been awhile, hasn't it. Sorry it's not a Red Who update, but I promise I have not abandoned it yet.

I am extremely rusty, because I haven't been reading nor writing much lately. I have a full time job now, and I'm on my way to paving my career. I still think of you guys a lot, though. So thank you so much for sticking with me till now. To the new followers, you won't see much activity here, but I will return from time to time to post or scroll or check up on things.

I'm so rusty that a 5000 word count felt so long to me. I remember when I was churning like, 12k word count within a week. Lol, I would love to try that out again. Anyway, enough rambling. I hope you all enjoy! This is the most I've written in a while.

You kicked an empty beer can aside and heard its metallic clink against the brick wall as you walked down the narrow alley.

From all the years you spent in alleyways, you got used to the smell and the suspicious puddles. It was dimly lit, the only light source coming from the apartment windows above you. You stopped below the fire escape and jumped, hands grasping the end of the metal ladder to pull it down so you could climb up.

You counted the floors. Four, seven… twelfth. You stopped a floor below your target so you could carefully creep up to the thirteenth. You peeked through your target’s opened window carefully. His apartment was brightly lit and clean. You noticed all the surfaces like the coffee table at the centre of the living room, and the small dining table at the far side of the apartment near the main entrance, were clear of any clutter or stains. The light grey sofa near the window where you were at looked new, with fluffed cushions arranged on the seats along with a beige throw blanket.

Your target had his bare back facing you, standing at the kitchen where he was putting away the dishes in the overhead cabinet. He was shirtless, so you could see the muscles of his back ripple and flex when he reached above his head. You climbed through the window silently and entered his apartment.

“Hello there-” you started, but immediately ducked to avoid the flying mug aimed at you but missing and crashed into pieces behind you. “Wow, rude.”

“Christ,” Jason swore when he realised who you were. “What the fuck? You scared the shit outta me.”

You grinned at him. “Not my fault you’re losing your touch. You really didn’t hear me?”

“I was never able to hear you, you know that,” he scowled and crossed his arms while walking towards you. “Take off your shoes, you’re dragging dirt all over my house.”

“Not until you clean up the glass.”

“Fine,” he rolled his eyes, grabbing a broom to sweep away the shards.

You sat down on his sofa. An awkward silence passed.

“So,” you looked around his apartment. It was familiar because you’ve been there so many times before, but he had obviously done some rearranging and bought new furniture. There were definitely more books on his shelf now. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah.”

“Around… six months?”

“Without any messages or phone calls,” he frowned, looking at the floor that was now clean and clear.

“Jason,” you groaned, “You know I couldn’t.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he sighed, putting aside the dustpan. “It’s just- it was hard not knowing whether you were safe or not.”

“You think undercover has been easy for me too?” you demanded.

“I know it hasn’t- look, I don’t want to argue,” he admitted. He sat down on the sofa next to you. You felt the sofa dip at his weight. “I’ve been undercover too. I know how hard it is. I was just worried.”

You looked at him. His thick eyebrows were pulled down in a frown, his icy blue eyes staring at you intensely. He had a bruise that was healing on the upper corner of his left cheekbone, and a fresh new cut on his lower lip.

“You’re my best friend. You’re the only one I’ve known the longest. Not knowing whether you were dead or alive does things to a person,” he stressed.

“Well, I’m here now. Alive. And demanding you get me some liquor,” you winked.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise, but complied. “Since when did you start drinking casually?”

You hesitated. “Since Elisa.”

“I have whiskey, bourbon, gin, tequila and beer,” he listed the contents of his liquor cabinet.

“Gin, soda and lime, please,” you ordered. Jason immediately got to work, making you your cocktail. “Bring the bottle here as well. I might want a top up.”

He raised an eyebrow as he served you and put the bottle of gin down on the coffee table.

“Aww, you even put a little lime wedge. Cute,” you teased and sipped. “Yep, I was right. Did you always used to make your drinks this weak?”

“You never complained before,” he replied, watching you pour a little more gin in your glass. “The drinks in Cuba must be strong.”

You paused, lips still on the rim of the cup. Silence fell again, before you shrugged. “I’ve taken quite a liking to rum.”

You dug through the sling bag pouch you had across your body and took out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Jason protested.

“Uh, I’m lightshing a shigarette,” you answered with the cigarette already on your lips.

“One, no smoking in my house,” he snatched the cigarette from you and threw it on the table, “ Two, did Elisa smoke too?”

“She didn’t and then she did,” you scowled, “How long have you quit?”

“Four months,” he said, “I use these now. It’s helped a lot. I suggest you do the same.”

He took out a bright pink cylindrical metal tube with a straw-like tip from the pocket of his sweatpants and sucked the end. He exhaled a thick cloud of white mist that smelled of-

You burst into laughter.

“What?” he huffed.

“I’m sorry, but right now I’m just imagining bumping into you in a dark alleyway, all big and muscly, with your leather jacket and combat boots, and suddenly you smell like- what’s that, watermelon?”

“Yeah, so what?” he pouted, “I don’t even have the urge to smoke anymore.”

“You’re right, that’s good,” you smiled, “I’m proud of you.”

“Whatever,” he rolled his eyes, “So, what are you doing here? You back for good?”

“Officially, my role in the mission has ended,” you explained, “But I might have to go back from time to time… And…”

“You’re leaving again?” he guessed solemnly.

You pursed his lips and looked at him. “How much do you know about what I was doing?”

“Not much,” he began, “Just that you were undercover in Cuba, leading some sort of coup?”

“Not exactly leading a coup,” you corrected, “I was hired by a private organisation to infiltrate and, uh, get rid of corrupted leaders internally, and replace them with clean people so that the citizens can have a chance at improving the country.”

“So… American intervention to reestablish democracy and change regimes?” Jason smirked, “Like Cuba in the sixties? Bolivia, Ghana, Angola, and my personal favourite, Iraq?”

“It’s not like that,” you defended, “And not American. Not CIA. Not United Nations. Jason, these people are real. They have no other agenda but to give people freedom. We’re made of many countries and nationalities- mostly third world whose countries have been ravished by colonialism and intervention. Think Che Guevara, but bigger. Richer. Way richer. More organized. They’ve been recruiting ex-agents and spies, people who can’t be blackmailed or bribed with money. People who care about change.”

“So that’s what you’ve been doing?” he realised, “Been playing Spy Kids with communists.”

“We’re not calling ourselves that,” you argued, “And we’re not going for the communist revolution. We want to go for a more organic change.”

“Why are you telling me all this?” he sighed in defeat.

“Because… I want you to come with me next,” you positioned your body to fully face him, crossing your legs on the sofa.

“What?” he asked incredulously, “And what, abandon Gotham?”

“Gotham doesn’t need people like you and me, Jay,” you whispered, “It needs Batman, and Nightwing, and Robin, and all of them. Gotham needs hope. People like us don’t belong here.”

“People like us?”

“You know what I mean,” you said sternly, “Our skills are needed and appreciated elsewhere.”

Another moment of silence of you and Jason just glaring at each other. You saw the way Jason’s eyes examined your expression, your body language. He knew you were completely serious about this.

You broke eye contact and took a few sips of your drink, feeling the contradictory refreshment and burn.

“Just think about it. You have time. I’m on a decently long break before going to the next mission,” you leaned back against the cushion and closed your eyes, “Mmm, I want to go to a nice spa. Get some new clothes. Watch movies. Source for some cool gadgets from Bruce. Spend some time with the family.”

“For how long?”

“A couple of months.”

You heard Jason sigh again. That’s how it was with Jason. Just constant sighing.

“Fine, I’ll think about it.”

You opened your eyes and looked at him. “Really?”

He was looking down into his own cocktail. “I don’t think I can go another six months not knowing what the fuck you’re doing, where you are, whether you’re dead or alive. So, yes. I’ll fuckin’ think about it.”

You felt bad. From the moment you told him you were leaving to go undercover, from the moment you went silent, you felt immensely guilty for leaving him. It was your first time without contact with him, and hell, it was difficult for you too. He was your first friend, your first family. Your life would not have been your life without Jason Todd.

“Hey,” you said softly, reaching out to his face to make him look at you. “I missed you.”

He simply stared. He looked like he was struggling to say something, or struggling to stop himself from saying something.

Then, he looked away. “So, how was it?”

“Pretty fucking cool,” you admitted, relaxing back into your usual self. “I felt like I was in a movie. Being undercover without anyone knowing sucks ass, though. Couldn’t be myself. Couldn’t do whatever I wanted to do, say whatever I wanted to say. Fuck, it was so hard. That’s when the drinking started.”

He chuckled. “Liar.”

“Excuse me?” you turned to him.

“Liar,” he stated, “That’s not how the drinking started. Something happened.”

“A lot of things happen when you’re undercover, Jason,” you snapped.

“I’m just saying,” he smirked, “You may have gotten used to lying to everyone around you. But you can’t lie to me.”

You hated how right he was.

“Put on some tunes,” you demanded, “Like I said, I couldn’t be myself. So tonight, I am going to drink and I am going to do whatever I want, and say whatever I want.”

“And as always, I’m the victim,” he groaned.

“Hush, you love it,” you giggled.

Jason stood up, grumbling. “Just take off your damn shoes.”

You complied, kicking off your boots and placed them away against a wall. Jason had always been so neat and tidy, so you respected that whenever you were in his space. He was extremely particular about hygiene as well. You were used to having your shoes off in his house, to him sanitizing his hands whenever he took off his gloves, to him always wiping surfaces with isopropyl alcohol.

He was always so well groomed too, and you never needed to worry about toiletries whenever you stayed at his. Whatever you needed, or hell, didn’t need, he had them. You remembered when you were teens and you were complaining about acne. He taught you all about skincare, haircare. About shaving versus waxing. About scrubbing between your toes and behind your ears when you shower.

And Jason showered every single day, since he was always engaged in physical activities.

And because of that, Jason always smelled so fucking good.

You caught a whiff of the scent you were so familiar with when he sat back down next to you after turning on the speakers and grabbing two bags of chips. He smelled like the cologne he wore, which was a deep pine scent with undertones of chocolate and sage. It mixed well with the refreshing raspberry of his shampoo.

“You met Grayson yet?” he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Mmm?” you mumbled, still lost in his scent. “No. You’re the first.”

“Good,” he grumbled back.

“Didn’t want to make you jealous or anything,” you giggled, poking his cheek.

He swatted away your hand, but a small smile played on his lips. “Dunno what you’re talking about.”

You wanted to retort, but let it go and took another big gulp from your glass. You topped the ice with some more gin and squeezed the lime in. Talking about Jason’s weird competitive streak with Dick would always end up with Jason sulking. You felt a little tipsy already.

“Hmm,” you hummed. And then, you had a brilliant idea. You stood up and you took your tight black t-shirt off, leaving you in your black bra.

“Why are you stripping?” Jason raised his voice.

“It’s summer, and it’s hot,” you shrugged, sitting back down closer to him. He was also shirtless, and you felt the heat radiating off his skin. “And it’s not like you haven’t seen me naked before.”

“It’s different when you’re bleeding from a stab wound and I’m pouring vodka on it,” he retorted.

“Whatever,” you scoffed, “ And you know what? This place was a smoking area before I left. And I told you that tonight, I’m going to be doing whatever I want. So.”

You reached forward to your pack of cigarettes Jason threw on the coffee table, but he grabbed your hand.

“Nuh-uh. No.”

You glanced at his grip on your wrist and back up at him. “You really want to do this, Todd?”

His expression changed to some sort of smug look that he always had when presented with a challenge. “Let’s see whether Cuba made you rusty, then.”

You smirked at him. And then, you swung your other fist towards his face, but he blocked your punch with the palm of his free hand.

You lifted yourself off the couch and used your body weight and momentum to catch him off his balance. It worked, he was on the floor, but he was so strong and it was difficult to free your arms from his grip.

So, you played dirty.

You carefully kneed his groin. Gently. You didn’t want to actually hurt him. Just to discombobulate him.

Jason swore, and his grip on you loosened just a teeny tiny bit. But that was all you needed to release yourself by twisting his arm to an angle that forced him to turn his body face down to the floor.

You continued twisting.

“Ow, ow, ow!” He complained.

“Do you yield?” You breathed.

“Yes! I yield, holy shit,” he whined.

You released him and greeted him with a shit eating grin when he propped himself back up. You had always been the better fighter. Even though Jason was bigger and stronger, you were more lithe, fast, and flexible. You used momentum, anatomical range of motion, and precise techniques in your martial art. That’s why you were always silent and could sneak up on him. That’s why you used to be the stealthy assassin, while Jason favoured loud guns and explosives.

“You know you will lose, yet you always challenge me,” you pointed out, “That’s why I think you’re a brat.”

“Like a spoiled kid?” he said, “Since when?”

“Not in that context,” you rolled your eyes. “Like, in bed.”

“Huh?” Jason sat down and looked up at you with genuine confusion. You joined him on the sofa again. This time, he didn’t stop you from lighting your cigarette. You inhaled. You exhaled.

“You know, like you have the dominant and the submissive,” you started to explain, “A brat is under the submissive category.”

“The hell?” he protested, “I am not submissive.”

“Maybe at first,” you smirked slyly, slowly closing the gap between you and him. “That’s what a brat is. You like to fight. You’re stubborn. You like to say no. But ultimately, you want to betamed.”

To make a point, you crawled towards him and boldly straddled his waist.

“Wh-what- what the fuck are you doing?” Jason sputtered, a blush creeping onto his cheeks.

“That’s why you like to fight me, right?” you continued, resting one palm flat on his bare chest, your other on his shoulder while you held your cigarette. “You want me to make you submit.”

You blew smoke onto his face.

“Stop that,” he gripped the side of your arms, “Did Cuba make you flirty too?”

“I always flirt with you.”

“Not like this,” he shook his head. “What, did Elisa have to seduce men? Women?”

“Unfortunately, no,” you pouted, “Elisa had to keep things strictly professional between all her assets.”

The truth was you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

“So, it’s been a while,” he stated.

“It’s been a while,” you agreed. “How about you? Any women? Men?”

“Please,” he scoffed, “Just Grayson being an ass.”

“So, it’s been a while for you, too,” you teased.

“But I’m not a perv like you,” he huffed.

“We can change that,” you leaned in closer, watching the way he had subtly wet his lips, thinking you wouldn’t notice.

“Stop,” he repeated, “You’re drunk.”

“Not drunk enough to make you yield.”

“I don’t want you to do anything you’re going to regret in the morning,” he pressed.

“Why would you think I’m going to regret anything?” You asked.

“Because you’ve never done this before,” he frowned, “This is coming out of nowhere.”

You’ve been pining for him ever since you hit puberty.

“Do you think you’re going to regret it in the morning?”

He looked away from your intense, questioning gaze. “I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

That was the reason you gave yourself for so long. You didn’t want to tell Jason how you felt because you were scared he wouldn’t see you the same anymore. Or that he would feel self-conscious around you. That he would reject you. That because of your selfish feelings, your relationship would be ruined.

You put out the cigarette in your glass.

“When I was Elisa Martinez,” you began slowly, “I couldn’t be myself, obviously. I couldn’t drink my favourite drink, or watch my favourite shows. You know how deep undercover is like, right? The complete erasure of your identity. Your history. I know some people who actually started to believe their cover story, to the point where they forgot who they really were.”

You paused to make sure you wouldn’t regret whatever you were going to say next.

“Elisa Martinez didn’t know Jason Todd. She never grew up with him. She never… fell in love with him…”

You noticed Jason’s eyes widened, and his grip on you tightened ever so slightly.

“And it was horrible, Jason,” you expressed, “I felt so lonely. So one day when I was alone in my apartment in Havana, I told myself that I wouldn’t be one of those people who gets lost in their cover identities. Unsure and confused about who they were. I vowed that when I got back here, I would truly be myself. No more hiding my feelings or my beliefs. No more stopping myself from getting what I wanted. Because I didn’t realise how having your own identity was a privilege that people took for granted.”

His eyes softened, but he still looked unsure of how to respond.

“So no,” you stated firmly, “I won’t regret it in the morning. Even if you don’t feel the same way, and you don’t want anything to do with me after this, I will not regret telling you how I feel. Because six months of struggling with identities was enough.”

Still straddling him, you crossed your arms to make a point.

“Uh,” he cleared his throat. He let go of his grip on you and ran his hand through his hair again. A habit that you noticed he did when he was either stressed or nervous. “Wow. I mean. I didn’t expect that at all.”

“I know it seems like it’s coming out of nowhere, but I’ve felt like this for years,” you confessed.

And that Jason did what you didn’t expect him to do. He reached out to cup your face, and then smiled at you.

You learned that Jason had many types of smiles. The smile that was really more threatening than it was comforting. The smile that meant he had a devious idea in his head. The smile that didn’t reach his eyes, when he was shaking hands with someone he didn’t like. The smile when he found something funny. The smile when he was thinking of the past.

And the smile that he only reserved for you.

It wasn’t just the upturned corner of his lips that made the smile. It was also the softness of his eyes, the relaxing of his brows. And the actual smile was just a brief moment, followed by his gaze into your eyes. He smiled like that at you during the first time you successfully threw a punch. And that time when you won first place at the science fair. Sometimes he would smile like that when you went on about history, and geopolitics, and the latest episode of your favourite show.

“Me too,” he simply said.

And there it was. The last time you felt this happy was when Lady Shiva told you she had nothing left to teach you.

“But you’re wrong about one thing,” Jason broke you out of your bliss.

“Huh?”

Suddenly he grabbed your hips tightly and threw you off of him, onto the empty space of the sofa. You gasped in surprise at the sudden movement, and before you knew it, he was on top of you, holding you down. He put his face above yours, lips only inches away that you could feel his hot breath.

“I am not a brat.”

And then he kissed you.

His cut lip grazed yours softly at first before sucking in your bottom lip with force. He broke off the kiss and grinned at you.

You narrowed your eyes at him.

And before he knew it, you had flipped him over, causing him to land on his back onto the floor with a loud thud.

Your knee was at his crotch again, a silent threat for him to stay still.

But you knew what had Jason blushing was your hand around his throat.

“Tsk, tsk, Jay,” you whispered in his ear, making a point to softly brush your lips on his lobe. “Don’t be naughty. You know you can’t take me.”

“I- wha-” he sputtered, and then tried to move.

“Nuh uh,” you warned, putting more pressure on his crotch with your knee, “Stay still.”

He continued to look at you in surprise, or confusion, or wonder. You weren’t sure.

What you were sure about was that you felt his cock begin to harden against you.

You chuckled softly to yourself. The truth was, you made it all up just to antagonize him. You didn’t really think he was a brat at first. In fact, all of your previous fantasies were of him dominating you, choking you, pounding into you while your hands were tied to the bed posts. Now that you knew he was into this, though, you didn’t mind. Not one bit.

“I’m going to get up. But you,” you squeezed his neck a little tighter, “You stay like this and do what I say, okay?”

You felt him gulp under your grip and then he nodded.

You stood up and put your hands on your hips. Looking down at him, you appreciated the view.

His hard chest was going up and down fast as he was panting. You saw a flush grow from his neck to his cheeks. Your gaze went down his abs, to his crotch, where you saw the outline of his hard cock and a small dark spot at the tip.

“Take off your pants for me,” you commanded.

He just stared at you.

You raised an eyebrow. “Do I need to threaten you?”

You gently stepped on his cock with your toes.

“Okay, okay!” he hurriedly slid off his sweatpants, revealing his hard on.

You never saw his cock before. You sort of knew it would be large based on the outlines whenever he wore sweatpants or boxers. But, wow.

He was perfectly long, and perfectly thick, and perfectly uncut. Though, his foreskin was now stretched back, revealing his head that was red and pulsating, desperate to be touched.

“Hey, my eyes are up here,” he grinned, his confidence and smug attitude back.

You sat back down on the couch and crossed your legs, making him confused.

“Well?” you prompted, “Start stroking.”

“What?” he asked, “Down here?”

“Mhmm,” you hummed, “Go on.”

He slowly reached for his cock and gave it a squeeze, eliciting a small moan from his lips. You bit your lips at the sound and the sight.

Fuck, he was so hot. You had dreamed of watching him jerk himself off for so long, and now there he was, sprawled on the floor at your feet.

He started to really stroke himself now, his eyes fluttered close and his mouth parted in heavy breaths.

“Fuck,” he gasped.

You saw that his cock was now slick and wet with his precum. You wanted to taste it so bad. You wanted him to shove his cock down your throat and mercilessly fuck your face until you gagged and cried.

Not today. He will have his turn some other time.

“Okay, stop,” you said in a sing-song voice.

“Wh-what? No,” he refused, still fucking his fist.

“Baby,” you stood up, “I said stop.”

He groaned and opened his eyes, his arm stilling around his dick.

You proceeded to take off your jeans, and your bra, causing your breasts to fall. Exposed to him for the first time, Jason was actually smacking his lips.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful. I want to touch you,” he whined and moved to get up.

“No,” you denied, “Stay down there for me.”

You walked over to his head, placed your feet on either side, and then dropped to your knees so you were hovering your pussy right above his lips.

“This is fine too,” he mumbled, hands going straight to your ass, kneading them. Then, he took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of your arousal.

“Mmm, you smell divine,” he whined.

That did it. You just knew that you were drenched.

He started to mouth you through the fabric, kissing your folds, nibbling on them.

“Please, take them off,” he begged.

You complied, only because you couldn’t stand not being touched. The moment you returned to your position, Jason attacked you with his mouth.

“Fuck!” you gasped.

It was as if he was making out with your pussy. Wet lips on wet lips, he licked you everywhere, from between your folds, to your opening, to your clit. It was like he was starved for you. Hungry for you. All the while, the sound of wetness and his muffled moans filled the room.

“Jason,” you sighed. You felt the familiar warmth spread at the base of your core.

He knew what you wanted. You felt him focus on your clit with his tongue, and then a finger entering you slowly.

You let out a high pitch whine when he started finger fucking you while ravishing your clit at the same time.

A second finger.

He was hitting the right spot, so deep inside you. You had thought about this as well. Whenever you saw his fingers on a trigger, or that time when he was making pizza dough and kneading. You imagined his thick, calloused fingers inside you, fucking you the way he was right now.

He quickened his pace and added more pressure to your clit.

You knew he knew you were close. You could feel it. Your body was tense, and you knew you were tightening around his fingers. You gripped his hair with both your hands, because you just needed to hold onto something.

And then you were coming.

You didn’t know you were screaming until you felt a gush of wetness between your legs, splashing everywhere.

Jason fucking Todd made you squirt.

“Holy shit, I’m so sorry,” you apologised. You stood up too quickly and didn’t realise your legs were jelly, so you ended up tripping onto the wet floor next to him.

“That was so hot, don’t be sorry,” he looked at you incredulously. His face was glistening with your juices.

And fuck, was that a sight to behold.

You couldn’t help but grab him by the neck and pull him in for a kiss. You tasted yourself on him.

He crawled on top of you, sucking your lips, pushing his tongue into your mouth. One hand roamed your body while the other propped him up above you. He squeezed your breasts and your nipples, and went down to your waist, between your legs. He gripped your thigh from below and pushed it up so you were spread open.

He hooked your leg on his shoulder.

And without warning, he pushed his cock into your wet, sensitive pussy.

“Fuck!” you screamed as he bottomed inside you.

He filled you up so perfectly, that you never wanted to be empty ever again. He stretched you out so beautifully, that you thought your walls would just be molded into shape specifically for his cock.

“Hnngh,” he groaned, “You feel so fucking good. So fucking tight.”

You felt him thrust deep inside you, reaching all the spots that made you writhe in pleasure. He began pounding you hard, wet slaps made even wetter as you leaked all over his cock.

You weren’t gasping for air. It was so intense that you couldn’t breathe. Your mouth was opened in a silent scream until you actually had to remind yourself to inhale.

There were no words that you could form in that moment. Just absolutely filthy, vulgar sounds that rang through his apartment.

Through teary eyes, you watched him above you.

He was panting, breathing hard. You weren’t sure whether the moisture on his face was from sweat or your juices earlier. His dark hair had fallen down to poke his eyes, his brows pulled down in a frown. His chest had beads of sweat dripping, trickling down to his abs.

He moved his hips with precise and sharp movements. Every thrust into you was accompanied by gasps and whispers of words you couldn’t hear.

“You look so fucking beautiful,” he praised breathily, “I want to watch you come again.”

It wouldn’t take too long.

You were already feeling like you were going to unravel. The heat pooling again, even more intense than your previous orgasm.

Jason increased his pace, and then reached down to your pussy to thumb your clit.

You screamed.

It was like a wave that pulled you down and released you. You felt your body tighten and your walls clench and unclench. You felt hot liquid release from your core, just like waves crashing.

Before you knew it, you felt empty. Jason had pulled out and jerked himself off over you.

He came long and hard in a loud groan. White ribbons of cum shot out of his pulsating cock, reaching all the way to your face.

He collapsed next to you on the floor, huffing and panting.

You felt drowsy all of a sudden, but so fucking relaxed.

“Wow,” you breathed.

“Mmm,” he mumbled, “Can’t move. Can’t think. Shhh.”

You giggled and scooted closer to him, pressing yourself onto his sweaty, sticky skin and rested your head on his chest.

You felt his heartbeat drum against his ribcage.

He rested his arm on your head and played with your hair.

“I can’t believe our first time was on the floor,” he complained.

“I think it describes us perfectly,” you closed your eyes and smiled.

He kissed the top of your head. After a beat, he asked, “Will you tell me what happened in Cuba?”

“One day,” you told him, “I need time to process it as well.”

“Fair enough,” he responded, “So, uh. Are we like, official then?”

“If you want to be.”

“Do you want to be?”

“I do,” you admitted, “I’ve been pining for you for a long time.”

“Me too,” he confessed, “We should have done this sooner.”

“I don’t think so,” you thought, “I think right now is the perfect time. We figured ourselves first, we explored what we wanted to do. We found our reason. Well, I did, at least.”

“So you’re really serious about this then?” he asked, “Fully committed?”

“One hundred percent,” you stated, “I think that we can make real change. Slow change. But change nonetheless.”

“Okay, then,” he sighed.

“Okay?”

“Okay, I’m in,” he said, “I can’t promise you that I will stay for the cause. I can’t promise you that I will even believe in it. But I can’t do the silence again. You have no idea how difficult it was for me, these past six months.”

You frowned. You wondered what happened. You will ask another time.

“But I can promise you that you will always have me,” he continued, “I don’t know what this is, and what these missions need you-or us- to do, but you will always have my support.”

You felt deeply moved. “Thank you,” you whispered.

You didn’t have to worry about your identity anymore. About being confused, about being corrupted by the roles you had to play.

Because as long as Jason was there, you were you.

#jason todd #dc comics #red hood #jason todd/reader #y/n #jason todd x reader #red hood/reader #batman #batfamily

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luvhughes43 · 1 year

Text

devil i know | trevor zegras x reader

suki waterhouse masterlist - luvhughes43 masterlist🌷

note: this is part 2 to nostalgia

summary: trevor finds out yn is engaged, and things escalate

lyrics: "i'm okay with history repeating, tell me i'm the one you can't forget"

"back in hell, at least i'm comfortable. need your body when my fire's cold. hand to heart, i'm gonna stay faithful to the devil i know, the devil i know"

word count: 2.4k

you haven't seen, talked, or checked any of Trevors socials in a while. you moved on. you were engaged to a nice man, and you dutifully accepted his promises of forever.

your fiance wasn’t like Trevor at all. he was home all the time, he didn’t prioritize anything above you, and you knew he wouldn’t just leave you as soon as he got his dream offered to him. but he also wasn’t the good parts of Trevor either. he didn’t try hard to make you laugh, he didn’t shout out his i love yous for all your friends to hear, and worst of all, he didn’t make you feel those butterflies that everyone tells you to watch out for. you knew you were supposed to go for the guy that makes you feel calm, like your fiance. but you'd be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t want those butterflies that only Trevor could make you feel back.

y/nuser posted one month ago !

y/nuser

liked by jackhughes, yourbff, and others

y/nuser 05/04/23 🤍

Trevor wasn’t going to lie, he did keep some tabs on you. although he didn’t follow you on instagram anymore, his friends did and when there was a major life update they’d update him. It all started with them updating him on your wellbeing, knowing that Trevor was upset with how he broke things off.

but you knew better. you shouldn’t have messaged him back, especially with your fiance laying asleep right next to you.

Instagram dms

trevorzegras Hey yn… I know it's been awhile but I just wanted to check up on you

y/nuser why? It's been years…

trevorzegras I've just been thinking a lot about us lately

trevorzegras I’m really sorry about how I handled things. I should've tried harder for us

y/nuser you didn't try at all. you literally broke up with me and kicked me out. we didn't even have a proper talk about it.

trevorzegras I know and that’s all on me. I’m sorry

…

trevorzegras Can I see you?

you shouldn’t have opened the first message, but you definitely shouldn’t have responded. And now here you were, debating on whether or not you should go see Trevor. A man you haven't seen in years… your dms with Trevor still lit up your screen, providing you with the light to see the man sleeping peacefully next to you.

…

y/nuser when would you be able to meet up?

trevorzegras Are you still living in michigan?

y/nuser yes. i live about 40 minutes from the lake house

trevorzegras I can be in mich by the beginning of May

y/nuser I’ll see you then

i'm okay with history repeating, tell me i'm the one you can't forget

“what are we having for dinner?” your fiance asked as he thumped down the staircase. you were fixing your makeup in the living room mirror, getting ready to go meet up with someone you shouldn't.

“i'm going out, remember?” you asked, turning around so you could fully face your fiance.

“uh, right. with the girls?” he questioned.

“yeah. we’re going to go hit the bars so i might be home late. You don't have to wait up,” you turned back to the mirror, capping your tube of lipstick and moving on to scrutinise your hair. Trevor always told you he liked it up, so you grabbed an elastic and tried to figure out a style you could quickly do.

“right. well maybe I'll just order take out or something?” his statement took on a questioning tone and you lightly sighed.

“yeah that sounds like fun. maybe you can finish that show we’re watching, what's it called again?” you said flippantly, hoping to find something that could distract him from asking too many questions. although you knew there was nothing for him to question you about (it wasn’t unusual for you to go out with your friends) it felt different this time knowing who you were going to meet up with.

“The White Lotus?” he supplied, but then quickly added “it’s not the same without you. it’d be traitorous to watch without you”. you cringed at the word traitorous but quickly covered it up as you knew he could see your reflection from the mirror.

“maybe you could start a new show?” you stated in a lighter tone “you can tell me all about it when I get back,” you turned around smiling at your fiance. he smiled back and moved over to the couch to find something on the tv. he seemed pleased for the moment and so you decided to make your escape.

“I’ll see you later,” you waved to him from the front door as you gathered the rest of your belongings needed for the trip.

“no kiss goodbye?” he pouted, causing you to smile.

“goodbye” you teased, dragging the last syllable out for emphasis. “bye!” he shouted as you shut the door behind you.

the drive was short, and soon enough you were standing outside of Trevors rental house, unsure of whether or not you should go through with meeting him. you were convinced earlier that you should, but with the deception of your fiance… you felt guilty for what you were about to do.

Trevor opened the door, giving you no more time to question and let yourself be consumed by the fresh waves of guilt washing over you.

the first thing you noticed when you saw Trevor was his smile. you don’t know what you expected, but he looked the same. he was more grown up of course, but seeing him ignited everything you ever felt for him inside of you. you felt the pain, the heartbreak, and of course the longing and loving that came with being so close to him for so many years.

“do you want to come in?” Trevor asked in a low tone, momentarily startling you. you nodded in response, and he moved aside to let you in. closing the door shut behind you.

you spent most of the time just talking on his couch. you had gotten the tense apology out of the way, and you couldn’t believe how quickly you were forgiving him.

“I just think it’s interesting how now-” Trevor leaned over mid sentence, cutting you off with his lips on your own. you didn't pull back, but you didn’t react either, letting Trevor decide how things would go. he pulled away slightly, a soft apology leaving his lips but you couldn’t hear anything.

lust and longing clouded your vision as you pulled him back to you, arm slung around his shoulders as the other lightly caressed his jaw. as soon as you kissed him you started remembering just how Trevor felt before, how often you two would be in situations just like this… how much you had missed him when he left.

you woke up in the morning in the airbnb bed.

“good morning” Trevor said lightly as he brushed one of his hands along your hair that was now out of its updo.

“good morning,” you whispered back as you sat up in bed taking in your surroundings. yours and Trevors clothes were strewn around the room. your body felt on fire once you came to recollect last night's events.

fiance💍🤍: You haven't texted me an update

fiance💍🤍: Are you staying the night with one of the girls?

fiance💍🤍: Message me when you wake up. I love you

you shut your phone back off and groaned.

“Is that your…” Trevor started but trailed off, becoming aware of what you both have just done the night before.

“my fiance? yeah…” the two of you said nothing, looking away from each other and the mess that littered the bedroom floor.

you quickly got up and ready.

“please don’t go,” Trevor pleaded as you stood in the entry with one hand on the doorknob. you quickly dropped your hand.

“i can’t stay Trev i have a fiance at home and-”

“leave him. just stay with me, please” he pleaded, reaching out a hand to grip yours. you didn’t push him away.

there was a brief silence, “tell me i’m the one you can’t forget” you cut through it.

“what?” Trevor asked in shock, glancing up to look at your face.

“tell i’m the one person you can’t forget” you basically pleaded, no sense of pride left in your body.

“i can't forget you yn. i haven’t and i won't” he said, moving to stand less than a foot away from you. he leaned down so his forehead was resting against yours and you both sighed out.

“i’ll see you soon, okay?” you whispered, looking up into his eyes. Trevor nodded slightly, pulling his head away from yours and leaving a small kiss on your forehead. he watched you walk away.

"back in hell, at least i'm comfortable. need your body when my fire's cold”

after the first time, you snuck out to meet Trevor multiple times throughout his stay in michigan. things gt tricky with him leaving the airbnb about a week into your rendezvous and moving into the hughes lake house for the summer, but you made it work.

you felt sick admitting it, but you were comfortable with the routine you and Trevor had created. The guilt from sneaking off into the night soon turned into pleasure, and your love for your fiance turned into something meaningless. the vow you were supposed to take in a few short months meaning absolutely nothing to you.

It was one stupid comment made about dress shopping from one of your friends. your fiance had overheard and agreed. he was actually nervous for you. the fact that you might not have your perfect dress weighed heavily on his mind as he kept pestering you to make various appointments at different bridal shops.

you had tried on about twenty dresses, none of them looking or feeling right. you felt absolutely miserable. the weight of the fabric weighing heavily on your body as the secret you’ve been keeping from you soon-to-be husband weighed on your mind.

“yn come on, this one looks beautiful on you!” your best friend expressed as your entourage soon became tired of waiting and watching you try on different dresses just for you to reject them.

you smiled lightly in the mirror, letting your hands trail down the dresses bodice and onto the skirt. it would have been perfect if this was what you wanted at all.

“why are you marrying him?” Trevor asked one night. you had your head on his shirtless chest, arm wrapped around him in a makeshift hug.

you tensed at his question. you weren’t even sure why you were going to get married. it had seemed like the natural progression in your relationship earlier, but now with Trevor back… you knew it wasn’t right.

“i don't know. I feel like i have to” you admit.

“you shouldn’t feel like you have to get married,” he replied, hand resting against your bare back.

“what other choice do i have?” you replied, sighing as Trevors hand trailed up and down your back softly.

“you have so many options,” he whispered. “you could come back to cali with me or-” you sat up looking down at him. there was a slight blush tinged across his cheeks, and the small smile on his face made you a little nervous.

“Trevor…” you trailed off.

“no, please hear me out. you can move in with me, and we’ll figure it all out” he exclaimed, a slight frown taking over his face at your hesitant reaction.

“i’m comfortable doing this with you,” you gestured between the two of you and the room that you were in, “but leaving… Trevor i don't know how to tell you this but-”

“but what? this isn’t what you want?” he gestured to himself, obviously meaning that you didn't want a relationship with him.

“It's complicated” is all you said, but that wasn’t enough for Trevor.

“this,” he gestured between the two of you and the room just like you had done earlier, “is an affair. yn you’re cheating on your fiance” he stated. “you want to hook up with me? have an affair? fine. i agreed to that. but you can't just say it means nothing to you when you're going so far out of your way to meet up with me. To lie to your fiance that you’re perfectly fine with marrying him despite everything going on with us right now” he said more aggressively as he pushed you aside so he could sit on the edge of the bed, facing away from you.

you stayed silent, taking all of his words in.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered out as Trevor huffed and got dressed. leaving you behind in the hotel as he left.

“hand to heart, i'm gonna stay faithful to the devil i know, the devil i know"

it was your wedding day. you were in the dress you had picked out, you had walked down the aisle with your dad holding onto your arm. your fiance had cried, you could see your friends and family smile as the officiant kept talking about promises and forever.

your vows were over and done with next. You watched in silent horror as your finance professed his love to you in front of everyone you knew. he was holding your hands and you were terrified to break away. scared to continue on with the rest of the ceremony and terrified that you’d have to live the rest of your life out with a man you knew you didn’t love.

“if anyone objects to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace,” the officiant continued and you turned, almost comically, to see if there was anyone out there who was going to stop this.

your eyes were big and wide, you were clearly nervous and scared. your hands that were still holding on to your fiances seemed to be slick with sweat. the wedding party looked around a little nervously at your appearance.

“don’t get married,” a man's voice sounded throughout the tense venue and you visibly relaxed as soon as you saw Trevors mop of hair rise from the crowd. “please yn” Trevor pleaded painfully.

you didn’t even look back at the man holding your hands before you dropped them. shocked gasps and chatter sounding throughout the hall as you took off running towards Trevor.

#suki waterhouse fic list #trevor zegras x reader #trevor zegras imagine #trevor zegras blurb #jack hughes x reader #nhl fanfiction #nhl imagine #nhl fic #nhl blurb

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hollowsart · 5 months

Text

kept forgetting to post these, but here, some silly scenarios and out-of-context moments & more with (my) Guy Gardner & Feste that I wrote up for @arcade-writing :) ;)

==(Warning: This is an EXTREMELY LONG POST)==

--(tfw you start shipping your friend's self-insert with canon.. Guy/Feste is so real and official in my heart and soul cuz it's so funny, and I really wanna share some of these snippet things I wrote cuz they're just too good to keep to myself)--

(Anyways, when I say this is long, I MEAN IT)

===

Guy: Guy Gardner works alone! Ain't nobody worthy of workin' alongside me, you'll all just slow me down--

Feste: -walks in-

Guy: the ONLY guy worthy of workin' with me is sweet cheeks, here! -puts his arm around Feste's shoulders, giving a little squeeze, and kisses his cheek- I ain't accepting ANY offers. Ain't nobody could or ever WILL replace my best man!

Feste: ❔❔❔❔❔

----

Guy: Can I stay the night with you? I don't have the energy in me to go to mine. I just…… I just wanna….. cuddle for awhile… if that's alright with you…?

Feste, realizing just how bad Guy is doing: I will destroy whatever made you this way, just give me the word… but after we've had some sleep. You look awful.

Guy: ..Thanks.

----

Guy slicks his hair back and upwards one time at the beach, it's all wet and he makes a joke to Feste like "Hah, whadda y'think of my new hairdo?"

Feste looks like he's gonna be SICK. The utter horror that Guy did his hair in a way that looks like how Feste has envisioned in his nightmares.

Feste storming up to him, smacking his head and then quickly ruffling the hair until it sits like a bowlcut again and then kissing him and holding his face firm to look at him like "NEVER do that again."

Guy is confused and flustered, but he promises.

----

Guy: You wanna go blow up some asteroids later? I wanna see what that ring can do!

Feste: Oh, it's a date!

Guy:

Guy, faltering, ears going red but his face isn't: What

----

Guy: So why're you called 'Feste'? is it like some kinda self given title, like an ironic wordplay for the fact you're a Pink Lantern? I thought all you guys were supposed to be all 'ohhh la de da, mwuah mwuah I love life, I love you, and you, and you, and everything~' but you're more like when love festers and dies.

Feste:

Feste: ………Yeah, haha. yeah that's totally the reason. Pretty cool, right? festering love…

Guy: Yeah.

Feste: So what about you? Why's your name 'Guy'? Sounds pretty generic and bland compared to your gaudy personality.

Guy: GAUDY?! WHY YOU-- Ergh.. No. My parents named me that. Guess I was just a disappointment to everyone since birth. Hah.

Feste:

Feste: Are you okay, Guy? Do you wanna talk about it?

Guy:

Guy: ………..No. I'll be fine.

Guy:

Guy, puffs out his chest: Well now I'm THE Guy. The Guy everyone talks about! I'm THAT Guy! SO my parents can SUCK ON IT. ~'PathETIC PUny GArdnEr'~ is no more! If they could see me now, they'd be soiling their pants at what I'm capable of! I'm doin' more work savin' the world and more than that lousy old man has in all his years as a cop!

Feste:

Feste: Are you done?

Feste: Guy……have you ever considered your parents are idiots and their opinions don't matter?

Feste: do I need to kill them for you?

Guy: I thought you guys didn't kill?

Feste: I can make an exception.

Feste: I killed out of love and star sapphire has tried to kill Hal, I think I can kill your parents

Guy: Hal probably deserved it. Ah. Nah. Y'don't gotta kill'em. For all I know they're probably long gone by now, or on their way out, at least. Haven't seen or spoken to'em in years.

Guy: Good riddance, I say.

----

"Feste of Earth, your heart is so very lonely. Come. Join us and you will find your heart full once more in time. There is a great sense of love within you. With us, we shall help you to unlock that potential, to feel what it is that you desire. You will. find Love."

Feste: I'm sorry. W H A T

Star Sapphire: Feste of Earth, allow me. -leans down to caress his face and read into his heart and mind-

Feste: uhhhh uuhhhhhhhhhh

SS: I see what it is your heart desires. We shall heal you. This may take some time, however, as the universe is vast.

Feste: huh?? okay???

Guy Gardner on earth just stepping out of the shower:

Pink Ring: Guy Gardner of Earth--

Guy: WHOA HOLY &^#@$&@^#$^$@#?!??!

Pink Ring: --You are whom we seek. For there is one who is need of you.

Guy: The @#^$&# are you on about??

Pink Ring: Come. Accept this ring and see for yourself.

Guy: ..You gotta be ^&#@%&# me. I already got a ring -walking to retrieve the green ring on the table- I think I'm good now #%^$@# off--

Pink Ring: I am afraid you have no choice. This is an emergency of the heart and soul.

Guy: WAIT WAIT WAI--

Guy gets YOINKED by the pink light and the ring nestles itself onto his wedding ring finger, his outfit changes and he gets portaled to Feste.

Guy's Pink Ring: Feste of Earth. Your heart and soul's match has been found. May you both find comfort in each other's love.

Feste & Guy:

----

Guy: I got a scar from taking an imitation toy parachute for a joy ride when I was 8. didn't go so well, got a scar on my head from it, you wanna see?

Feste: you what

Guy: Yeah! Look! I jumped off and landed wrong, snagged my head real good-- check it out!

Guy: -brushes his hair out of the way and leans down so Feste can see the scar-

Feste: I thought they hit you for stealing it-- that's kinda disappointing.

Guy:

Guy: How dare you.

----

Feste sits in his room, getting ready for a surprise night out with Guy. He tossed out some verbal hints, but never right out said where they were going, but Feste could only assume it had something to do with cowboys. Still, Feste was going to dig through what he had to find something to fit the theme.

He was halfway dressed and digging through his dresser when he heard the door open, a sound of boots with the spurs that one could never mistake following suit. Feste looked up to see Guy leaning on the door frame with his arm, the other propped up on his quirked hip, legs crossed. He was dressed like a fancy cowboy, green suit with matching stetson and all. The tassels swayed from his movement.

"Y'ready, par'dner? We're gonna be late if y'don't get yerself dressed. C'mon, we're goin' to a rodeo bar. It's hoedown night an' they got th'bull out. Y'don't wanna miss that, now do ya?"

Feste shuddered at the accent Guy was putting on. If it weren't for their date, he'd have half a mind to jump him right then and there. Grab that stupid bolo tie and matching belt buckle, too--

"Come on, Feste! Don't tell me yer gonna be wearing just some jeans and a t-shirt. Don't you have anything, y'know.. more appropriate?"

"Why would I have--"

"Y'know what? I'll buy you one on the way! Get your shoes on and grab your stuff and let's go!"

Guy was a little too excited for this.. it was kind of cute, Feste thought.

----

Feste in the Lantern break-room one early morning, pouring some juice or whatever, they hear the door open and glance to look, but it turns into a double whiplash take as they see Guy Gardner walking in completely shirtless in only his boxers, a pair of ridiculous socks, and some slippers. he's shuffling in yawning, stretching with one arm behind his back while the other is scratching that happy trail from to navel to waistband.

bro doesn't even acknowledge Feste, just cracks open the fridge after scratching the light shadow on his face, grabs a carton of milk with a cheap tape and sharpie label on it with his name and starts chugging it, free arm resting on the top of the fridge door. he finishes, puts the cap back on, stuffs it back in the fridge, shuts the door and FINALLY looks over to see Feste.

"'Sup.. Didn't know anyone else would be up this &^%$ early." his voice is still groggy and has a slight gravel to it. and for once, he doesn't sound agitated.

----

Feste, questioning how this man can even survive, making up theories in his head about how he is and junk when he's back on earth:

Guy, on earth, walking with some lackluster groceries back to his place: -kicking garbage and using his ring to put it in the trash, shouting at a guy for bumping into him and almost getting into a fight about it-

Feste, watching: I was so right

Guy: -sees a kid trying to get something out of a tree on the side of the street- HEY! Hey! What do you think you're doin'?! -runs up and grabs the kid out of the tree-

Feste: Oh no -readies his ring-

Guy: That's dangerous! You could've fallen and gotten hurt or worse, you could've went crashin' into the busy street! You're lucky ole Guy Gardner's got his eyes on this city, kid! Ain't nothin' gonna slide past this Green Lantern! What're you tryin' to get outta that tree anyway?

Kid: -points and looks sad- sorry Mr.Gardner Green Lantern, sir..

Guy: Ah, it's nothin', kid, no worries. I got this, just you watch! -shifts them to his hip as he uses his ring to fly up and gets the thing down for them, handing it right to them- There now, y'see?

Kid, being placed back on the sidewalk: yay! Thank you!! You're so cool!!

Guy: It's nothin', kiddo, now I want ya t'promise me y'won't go climbin' anymore trees like that, y'hear? I don't want any o'you runts gettin' hurt doin' somethin' stupid like that. And.. -squats to the kids height and talks a little quieter- I may be a Green Lantern and we don't feel fear, but don't you go tellin' anybody you heard this, but you got me scared for a minute there!

Kid: Whoa.. Really?! I'm sorry! I promise!! I pinky promise I won't go doin' anythin' like that again! -holds out their hand-

Guy, laughs and gives them the pinky promise: Yeah, that's a good kid! Now run along and play safe!

Kid: Okay! Thank you again!! bye!!

Feste:

#ghostie mumbles #//long post #guy gardner #green lantern #pink lantern #my gosh this is such a beefy post holy crud

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yourlocalsimpsonsandsanriofan · 2 months

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Last post for awhile, guys. (Skip bottom part if you don't want to hear my vent..❤)

Life is really life-ing, isn't it? Yeah, it sure is. Long story short, another one of our pets has fallen ill. We recently lost two cats over the past year, and now this one too. His name is actually Gizmo, but my mother and I call him "chicken" because he loves chicken and is obsessed with it.

(Here's a picture of him; The kitty in the back is his father, and the one in front of him is Gizmo❤)

Of course, this image was before he fell ill. Unfortunately his brother suffered the same fate; cancer, or a very fast metabolism. My mum and I think that his father and mother's genetics didn't mix well, so that's why they both passed so early. (Figaro, passed at four years old from what I recall, and Gizmo here passed at five or six, I believe.)

I'm so fucking sick and tired of our pets dying left and right, it's not fair. As I've *rarely* discussed before, I don't have a very good mental state. I suffer from depression (yes, I was diagnosed this). This is only making it worse, furthermore causing more damage to my mental state. I can feel my mental state deteriorating each day, feeling more numb as time passes. I no longer enjoy anything, I have no desire to eat or drink, and I haven't been sleeping. I've spent the past few days pulling all-nighters, because I simply just don't care. It doesn't help that there are other things going on in my life that are making it worse, either.

So I'm going to take a break from social media for a week or two. I really need to take a break and focus on getting better, because I know this isn't healthy. Don't be worried if I don't post for a few days. I'm not dead, I promise, haha. ❤

(Sorry if that was dark, I just had to vent out my feelings so I can process them better.. Also I'm not putting any tags because that's kinda petty to do it on a vent..)

#I will put this though; I love you all. Thank you for supporting my art; I really appreciate it. Y'all are the best. 🫡❤

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bistaxx · 9 months

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Hey guys, sorry for vanishing suddenly I just needed to take a bit of a break- I think I'm going to continue to take some time off from here and at most will just lurk around for a bit, not sure how long that'll be.

I'm going to talk a bit about the current situation under the read-more and another post about it scheduled after this one. I'll be using the tag 'the forever situation' for blacklist purposes.

As of right now I don't feel comfortable commenting on it because this is a situation that needs to be handled delicately and I don't want to rush into it. I've been busy with work the past two days and (during the time of me writing this) am about to go into another shift today in a few hours- so I haven't had as much time as I'd like to read about what's going on.

I'm not fluent in Portuguese so I'm going to primarily rely on information provided by Brazilian's in the fandom and their thoughts on the matter- I highly recommend other non-Brazilians do so too- especially regarding anything related to what the victim has said about this. It's important to not be dismissive of what's going, but so is taking the time to understand what happened before commenting on it especially if you don't speak Portuguese.

It's also just a topic that can be hard for me to focus on. I don't feel right discussing why on this blog, all I'll say is that it brings back memories that sometimes make my mind go all blank and foggy. I'll be fine, I just want to take in it at a pace that doesn't cause my brain to shut down every 5 minutes.

I hope you guys understand, I'm terrified of coming across as if I'm ignoring or don't care about what's going on when I very much do. I just don't want mishandle it and it's something that's difficult at times for me to speak about. I have tomorrow off, I'm gonna use that day to look into this all more after getting some rest.

I think there's like an event going on in the server today, but I just want to take today 'off' from qsmp including on Tumblr. I just feel all over the place right now- we'll just have to wait and see how things go I guess. I also just wanna say you guys have been a bright spot in a very rough time of my life, thank you all for that.

I'm writing this very early in the morning. It'll be posted sometime in the afternoon for me. I won't know if anything else has come up since then until tomorrow- I really do hope by the time I log back i we'll have a clearer picture of it all by then...

I'm putting my queue on pause for now too. I don't know for how long, I just want to take a break from here for awhile. Take care <3

#the forever situation

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ace930615 · 8 months

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IMPORTANT PLEASE READDDD

Hey guys, unfortunately I'm going to have to take a hiatus for awhile :-( a lot is going on in my personal life with school and work, and as of recently a few weeks back around Christmas my grandmother caught covid and it really knocked her down and made her extremely weak. She can't really walk anymore, needs oxygen, has bowel incontinence, and dementia. She was in the hospital until about a week ago and was going to be living with my family for the time being until we figured out exactly what my nana needs. I honestly dont know why they discharged her because ... man she was still really bad and they knew that she wouldn't have a nurse to come to our house yet! She was residing in my sisters room while my sister moved into our father's office. My sister and i were taking care of her full time for a week, which was extremely stressful. My sister and i had to make sure she was eating/drinking, cleaning up after her (changing her diaper) constantly changing her sheets and making sure she wasn't taking her catheter or diaper off because she kept doing it lmfao. My sister and i told our dad she absolutely needs more assistance than what my sister and i were providing her, we couldn't even get her properly clean like in the bath since she still had a catheter and could barely move we would have to wipe her down! She started to get sick again and we brought her back to the hospital (which she ended up falling and hitting her head). They tried to discharge her back to our house again but eventually my dad got them to discharge her to a nursing home. She's about an hour away, and might need to go to more of a facility/rehab rather than an elderly home because of how sick she is. It's not something we can exactly afford, its going to take whatever little money she gets by the government (since shes not working obviously) and whatever medical/insurance can cover. There really isnt any other choice, we dont have anyone in the family who can dedicated 100% of their time taking care of her (which would have probably been my mom but shes dead), even then my nana would probably still need a nurse constantly if she were to live at our house. My dad and i have been dealing with her insurance since some of it is in my name, and we found out she stopped paying her bills months ago. This isnt surprising considering how downhill she has gone, even before she was sick but my dad wouldnt listen to my sister and i who were still taking care of her weekly because she just got so weak while she still lived in her apartment (due to old age and a number of medical issues). My nana is also incredibly stubborn and did not want to move out of her apartment for as long as she could. She still thinks she can go back but obviously not. So its been really messy! Really messy and stressful and sad LOL. On top I am also having computer issues which is preventing me from saving any art I draw, which honestly im probably just going to have to get a new computer at this point. If you have commissioned me please reach out, I will also be sending messages when i can to my commissioners and we can further discuss it. I am open to refunds at this time! Unless you are willing to wait until i come back, which could be a few months. I absolutely cannot focus on art professionally right now due to these circumstances. I haven't felt this since my mom got sick and passed away in 2016 so it's really... taking a toll on me and my family. Im sorry if this post is a mess there is so much more to this situation and its so complicated i tried to just go over the most important stuff. Thank you guys again. I will be back soon!

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livelaughwhump · 1 year

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Hi! I just started reading ur series and I’m absolutely hooked! If you haven’t already could you possibly make something like Elliot going to the movies before and after his kidnapping? (Also sorry if this isn’t how it’s done I made this acc awhile ago forgot about it and just started using is again)

Masterlist

Of course! I'm so glad you're enjoying it!😊

Pre-captivity

Elliot was practically beaming when he stepped out of the car. It wasn't often that the team got to do something out of the house, especially not since Christian was kicked out, and Elliot was ecstatic. Even if all they were doing was going to see a movie, which is usually what they'd do at home anyway, it was still exciting not to be cooped up in their tiny safehouse for once.

Lyra stepped out after Elliot and the rest of the team quickly followed. Lyra chuckled. "You seem particularly eager."

"Yeah, we haven't left the safehouse in weeks, except to go on missions," Elliot pointed out. "Why wouldn't I be excited?"

"Do you even know what movie we're seeing?" Landon playfully asked as the team began their short trek to the theater.

"No, and I don't really care. Getting out of the house is all I care about. Do you know what movie we're seeing, Landon?"

Landon smirked and nudged Elliot with his elbow. Elliot strained to look up at Landon. He was so much larger than anyone else on the team, and it was hard to look at him without getting blinded by the sun. Elliot had to squint to try to see his face.

Landon laughed. "What's wrong, little guy? Having trouble seeing from down there?"

Elliot playfully slapped Landon and laughed along with him.

Lyra smiled as they watched the two joke around with each other. They were beyond relieved that Elliot and Landon got along, especially after how things had ended either the team's previous gunslinger. They'd been worried that Elliot would be too afraid of Landon, especially after seeing how large and imposing he was. So, they were pleasantly surprised that the two had so quickly become friends.

Karine walked alongside Lyra and said, "I feel like we should separate those two once we get into the theater. Otherwise, they'll be talking through the whole movie."

"They're not kids, Karine," Lyra said. "I'm sure they know how to behave in a theater."

Karine chuckled. "I don't know, Lye. You haven't known Landon as long as I have. That man doesn't have a mature bone in his body."

"I heard that!" Landon shouted from ahead.

Lyra and Karine giggled. Yvonne and Broderick brought up the rear, laughing at the conversations their teammates were having. The two had grown close over the years, closer than their other teammates. In fact, one could argue that the only stronger bond than theirs was that of Elliot and Lyra.

Once inside the theater, Lyra opted to sit next to Elliot and Karine beside them, so as to separate Landon and Elliot. Landon groaned and pouted like a toddler as he plopped into his seat, with Karine and Broderick on either side of him.

Elliot was practically bouncing in his seat. He loved hanging out with all of his teammates, especially now that he actually felt comfortable around them.

Lyra placed a hand in Elliot's bouncing leg and said, "Relax, sunshine." They giggled.

Elliot smacked their hand away. "I can't help it! When was the last time we all went out to do something together?"

Lyra grinned and shrugged. "Probably the last time you went outside." They lightly pinched his cheek. "How long has it been since you got any sun? You're starting to look white." They laughed.

Elliot pushed their hand away again. "Ugh, how dare you," he joked.

As the lights in the theater began to dim, so did the voices of everone present. Elliot quieted and stared up at the large screen in front of him. He couldn't remember the name of the movie they were seeing, nor what it was supposed to be about, but he didn't care. His reason for being there had nothing to do with what they were seeing.

* * *

Post-captivity

Elliot was terrified. The day was overcast and rainy, and there was supposed to be a storm later. Elliot was practically shaking as he stepped out of the car. All of his friends were waiting for him patiently and Lyra held out a hand for him to hold.

"It'll be all right, sunshine. We're just seeing a movie," Lyra tried to reassure him as they gently guided him out of the car.

Elliot squinted. It was a lot brighter outside than he had remembered, and his friends were all staring at him. Elliot squeaked and shrunk beneath their gazes. Why were they looking at him like that? Were they scared he was going to embarrass them? Were they planning to humiliate him the minute they were in public? Were they angry that he was with them in the first place? Elliot couldn't tell.

"Sunshine?" Lyra said, leaning down so they could look him in the eye. "It's gonna be okay. I promise. I know you're probably nervous about being out in public, but we're all here to protect you. Everything is going to be fine."

Elliot held tightly onto their hand and hid behind them as the group began to walk to the theater. He felt pathetic and exposed. It was hard enough spending time around his team members. He didn't think he could stand to be in a room full of hundreds of strangers. He didn't want to be there, but his other option was to stay at the safehouse by himself. Lyra had offered to stay back with him, but he felt too guilty.

"L-Lyra?" Elliot's small voice said.

Lyra looked down at him with a soft smile on their face. "Yeah, sunshine?"

"Wh-What do I d-do if-if I get s-scared and-and start having a b-breakdown? I'll embarrass the t-team."

Lyra's smile faded. "Elliot, if you get too scared or overwhelmed or upset, we will leave. Okay? I'm not going to put you through that, and I promise, you would not embarrass us."

Elliot's lower lip started wobbling. "B-But then everyone will be m-mad at me for m-making them l-leave."

"No one would be mad at you, sunshine. I promise."

Elliot wanted to believe them, but he just couldn't bring himself to.

Stepping into the dark theater did little to quell Elliot's anxiety. Since his captivity, Elliot couldn't handle darkness well. Even though it wasn't pitch black, it was still too dark for his liking.

He scanned the rows of people as the team looked for their seats. He wondered if Master or any of Master's friends were there. The thought sent a chill scurrying down his spine and he couldn't help the frightened noise that escaped his throat.

Lyra looked down at the terrified boy clinging to her hand. "You okay, sunshine?"

Elliot didn't answer. His breathing grew ragged and his heart was pounding in his chest. What if Master's friends recognized him? What would they do? What would happen to him?

Lyra looked over to their fellow teammates in order to say, "I'm going to take Elliot outside."

Karine looked concerned. "Is everything all right?"

Lyra didn't know what to say. "I'm not sure. He's freaking out. We'll be back in a bit. Save our seats." Lyra gently tugged on Elliot's hand and guided him out of the theater and into the bright hallway. They led him to a bench and gently sat him down. He was still panicking. "It's okay, sunshine. You're safe. No one is going to hurt you."

Elliot couldn't hear them. His mind was overcome by potential worst-case scenarios. He couldn't breathe, he could hardly think. Tears were streaming down his face.

Lyra gave both of his hands a reassuring squeeze. "Sunshine, I need you to follow my breathing, okay? In for four seconds, hold for seven, out for eight. Just do what I do."

Elliot watched them through the distorted lens of his tears, but he couldn't make out what they were saying. He tried to focus on the feeling of their soft hands grasping his and the chilly theater air. He tried to focus on the smell of popcorn and the sounds of footsteps all around him. It took a few minutes, but it helped to ground him enough to hear what Lyra was saying.

"Just take a deep breath, Elliot. You're gonna be fine. Remember how we deal with panic attacks. Deep breaths."

Elliot did as he was told until he started to calm down. His tears subsided and his trembling slowed, but the anxiety in his chest didn't leave.

Lyra smiled at him. "Are you with me, sunshine?"

Elliot suddenly felt humiliated. He peered past Lyra's head and found a small crowd of people standing there, watching him with concern and sympathy. Elliot's face turned bright red.

Lyra brushed her thumb across his cheek to wipe away his tears. "Elliot? You okay?"

Elliot nodded, but he couldn't bring himself to speak; not after the huge emotional scene he made.

"Would you like something to drink? I can grab you a water really quick." Elliot shook his head. "Then, are you okay to go back into the theater? Or we can just go home. It's up to you. Whatever you're comfortable with."

Elliot didn't answer. Instead, he just sniffled and whispered, "I'm sorry."

Lyra shook their head. "You have nothing to be sorry for, sunshine. I had a feeling something like this might happen, and I won't leave your side. Would you like to go back in?" Elliot shook his head. "Would you like to go home?" Elliot nodded. "Okay, that's okay." Lyra tucked a strand of hair behind Elliot's ear. "I'll just go get the keys from Karine, and the others can order a ride home. Don't worry, I'll be right back."

Elliot nodded as Lyra stood up to go fetch the car keys from Karine. The crowd of people had dispersed, but a few passersby still looked at Elliot in concern and confusion. Elliot tried to ignore them, but it was as if their stares were burning holes into him. He felt so exposed and vulnerable.

Lyra wasn't gone for long, but Elliot was shaking again by the time they got back. They rested a hand on his shoulder and said, "Are you okay?" Elliot nodded. "I got the keys. Are you ready to go?" He nodded again and stood up from the bench.

Elliot held Lyra's hand throughout the whole walk to the car. He was quiet and stared at the ground the whole way. He didn't speak until they were both in the car.

Elliot stared at his lap. "I'm sorry, L-Lyra. I-I should've tried h-harder."

Lyra shook her head as she began to drive. "You didn't do anything wrong. You did your best, but it was just too much, right?" He nodded. "There's nothing wrong with that, sunshine. Just means you and I will have more time to ourselves." They giggled, but Elliot didn't return the sound, nor did it seem like they expected him to.

Elliot breathed a heavy sigh in order to expel the last of his anxiety, but the guilt still remained.

Sorry this took so long! I really hope you enjoyed this though! I'm so happy you guys seem to be enjoying the before and after drabbles! They're really interesting to write, and I always end up having a lot of fun with them, even if they do end up taking longer than other drabbles.

If anyone else has any drabble requests, suggestions, or questions for me or my characters, please feel free to send them to me!

Taglist:

@l-antre-des-merveilles @pigeonwhumps @nicolepascaline @burningkittypoet @whumpinggrounds @suffering-and-misery @make-them-scream @honeycollectswhump @rabass @whumpdreamz @clairelsonao3 @rosewriteswhump @cepheusgalaxy @pinkraindropsfell @mj-or-say10 @considerablecolors @whatamidoingherehelpme

If anyone wants to be added to or removed from the taglist, please let me know!😊

Or if you only want to be tagged in main chapters

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queermania · 10 months

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So I just read a post canon fix it fic that I'm struggling with. The concept was Dean is still alive and rescues Cas from the Empty because he's in love with him too then instead of getting together Dean decides he needs to get his act together so he goes to AA and AA has a rule that you can't date anyone for the first year. So Dean goes through all of this while living with Cas and basically stringing Cas along or I guess not stringing him along because it does lead to them getting together at the end of the year so I guess my problem is just that I don't understand why he would need to wait a year to be with the guy he loves. It's almost infantalizing like poor Dean can't be trusted to make a decision about who he loves because he's an alcoholic. Alcoholics and addicts aren't children who can't be trusted with feelings. Sorry I just got really mad. Lol.

i've been sitting on this for awhile because this is a complex issue and when it comes to dean winchester specifically, i think any conversation about his relationship with alcohol necessitates a discussion about what constitutes addiction, what constitutes being an addict, what constitutes recovery, what constitutes sobriety, etc. and that's not really a discussion i'm equipped to have on tumblr dot com.

but i will say that i've seen push back on the one year rule floating around tumblr and other social media sites for years now. there seems to be this misconception that the rule is a sort of extension of the idea of "if you don't love yourself, how can you expect someone else to" and from that perspective, i get the push back. but that's not why the rule exists. it's not even a rule. it's a guideline, and it exists to protect people in recovery, not coddle or infantilize them, or strip them of their independence.

people who are suddenly sober after months or years of using are vulnerable–emotionally, mentally, and physically. their brain chemistry is literally different. they're in a position they haven't been in for a long time (if ever) and it's very common for people recovering to try to sublimate their addiction with attention from another person. it's kind of like a smoker who is trying to quit and ends up snarfing down chocolate. anything to staunch the craving.

obviously sublimating drugs with romance or sex isn't good, but the real issue is that it leaves already-vulnerable people perfectly positioned to be taken advantage of. and this isn't me trying to psychoanalyze a situation. it's a known phenomenon in recovery communities—that predators go after recovering addicts in the early stages of their recovery—to the point that it's a "joke." people (typically men but not always) who are farther along in their recovery prey on the newbies. out here the joke is that they're 13th steppers (like they've completed the full 12 steps and the next one is to take advantage of someone who is just starting out). "watch out for jim. he's a 13th stepper." i'm sure the terminology varies from place to place but the fact that it's a long-standing "joke" in the community says a lot.

but anyway, that's the point. it's not that addicts aren't equipped for love or whatever. it's that when you're that early in your recovery, you're vulnerable. your self-esteem is at an all-time low. you have no experience with setting and maintaining boundaries. you're most likely isolated (or at least alienated) from your family and friends. you're lonely. you're overwhelmed with emotions. you'd do anything for someone to love you and be proud of you, and if you can't get that, negative attention is still attention.

and those are problems even if someone has the best intentions. it's very easy to fall into patterns that are bad for everybody.

now i have no idea if this is what's happening in the fic. i haven't read it. i don't even know what fic you're talking about. personally, i have complex feelings about dean and his relationship to alcohol (and "recovery"). i also have very complicated feelings about the traditional ideas of addiction and sobriety in general. but i felt compelled to defend the one year rule at least a little bit. i'm not saying it's a perfect rule and should be followed to the letter, but it exists for a reason and that reason is a good one.

#replies #anonymous #addiction cw

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ednito · 1 year

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Another kinda important post! (Sorry lmao)

So I first wanna say, I'm so sorry I have haven't posted any art in awhile. Its a bit of a mixture of being busy with life stuff and then having troubles with my computer.

See my computer is SUPER old, I got it when I was in middle school (im 20 now) and it's lost a lot of its capabilities and has often times been turning itself off or even blue screening. I've been losing a lot of artwork cause of it and there's only an amount of times I'm gonna be redrawing the same drawing you know? It's also showing occasionally it won't save my completed drawings, clip of course will save what I had last left off on and luckily clip usually saves it finished or before the slight editing I make at the end but it's still concerning as is.

Now the things that is the main topic of this is obviously, I need a new computer- that wasn't even half the problems I face with daily on the old guy! And while I do have a job it's hard to really earn the amount I need for a new computer and admittedly! I have a horrible spending problem! Of course from here on out I'm gonna be putting some money in savings to save up for the computer but that's not really what I'm trying to get at.

What I'm asking is would it be a good idea to open commissions? Admittedly I've had bad experiences with doing commissions and honestly I've usually tried to stay clear of them though whenever I did open them up no one was usually interested which is understandable. I'm unsure how I'm gonna really do it, honestly I don't think my art Is good enough for commissions so what I was thinking of just doing 10 dollar commissions that are colored and shaded (similar to how I draw SSH just a bit nicer) but idk. I don't know if anyone would even want that? Would you guys be interested? I'm genuinely unsure how to go around this.

#my post

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nvcr · 2 years

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Lots of surgery questions

I know that it's dependent on doctor and whatnot but I have a few questions just to get a general idea

1. How long did it take insurance to approve your surgery after sending in your therapist letter?

2. How soon after approval did your surgery get scheduled? How far out?

I have my consults on the 6th (telehealth) and 7th (in person), and I'm hoping to get scheduled before July, but I'm worried my insurance just won't process fast enough to get it there. The hospital said they're currently scheduling out to late May/early June, so I feel I have a chance, but just concerned something may happen that'll delay it

I already have my therapist letter, I just haven't sent it in yet because my insurance plan doesn't start until April 1st.

Just trying to see if you all think it will be possible for me to get my date scheduled before July