#ic death mention

[silveredfeathers]

An audio file has been uploaded courtesy of a mischievous Rotom! Take a listen?

//Please read the TW before reading below the cut! Stay safe.//

[Audio ID:

“I am TELLING you, you are not a MONSTER!” Lynda growls in frustration, this seems to have been going on for a bit. She seems to be crying… Who’s recording this…?

“Of course you’d think that Lyn… But with what I’ve done…” Silver sounds quiet, as if he would rather be off hiding in a hole. His voice seems to be closer to the microphone however, so it’s still being caught.

“What do you mean by that? Your dad knows you aren’t a monster, your mom knows, your brother knows, our kid, her friends, EVERYONE who knows you knows you aren’t a monster!” Her voice sounds very shaky. “What you’ve done is escape a horrible situation with horrible people. Yes you hurt people, but they hurt YOU, and would have done it again if given the chance! They’re better off dead!”

“Everyone who likes me is obviously not going to call me a monster because they don’t want to upset me… Hell they may be too scared to because they think I’ll hurt them like I did back at the lab… I had no control of myself back there… I killed a ton of people at once. Not because they were bad… I killed them because they were in the way…” Fear taints his voice as he goes on. “What if something makes me lose control again… I’ll end up just hurting those close to me…” 

“Silver, I can easily pin you down and scruff you with my dragon form, for one. And for two, I know for a fact if your brother was scared of you he wouldn’t want to be around you or tolerate you. Three, you have gotten so much better with controlling it, you haven’t been forced into that form for years, and now you’re worried that you’ll rampage? Also, none of them have felt fear towards you.” She sounds like she’s trying desperately to calm back down.

“Yet there might be a breaking point… Someone pushes me off the metaphorical cliff… One wrong word… And they have been scared. I’ve seen it. The looks on their faces when they saw what those fuckers did to me-” 

The sound of a door opening is heard, probably hitting a wall pretty hard if the loud bang is to say anything.

“Why do you keep arguing about- wait シルバー, why is your phone on?”

A soft “Bzzt!” is heard, before the video cuts out.

End of id]

//Translation for what Gio said: Silver

[prokopetz]

Level 1: Non-murdery Goncharov AUs where Joseph Morelli is just Joe, because obviously he wouldn’t be called that, right?

Level 2: Non-murdery Goncharov AUs where Joseph Morelli has a different, more milieu-appropriate nickname.

Level 3: Non-murdery Gonchraov AUs that go out of their way to explain why Joseph Morelli still has his canon nickname.

Level 4: Non-murdery Goncharov AUs that don’t go out of their way to explain why Joseph Morelli still has his canon nickname.

[yardsards]

tired of everyone on here reducing icepick joe down to haha funny stabby man

like i DO like the jokes and memes, don't get me wrong, but like

there's SO MUCH to his character and he really does tie into goncharov's main themes

like. we're told early on the he was put into a mental institution as a young man due to his breakdown and inconsolable grief at losing his older brother giorno (who was his only living family and basically a father figure to him!)

wherein he was mistreated and was HEAVILY IMPLIED to be scheduled for a lobotomy before he escaped. (in fact, some interpretations say he actually received and survived the lobotomy, citing his manner of speaking and his lack of impulse control. but that's a whole separate discussion because i can honestly see both sides)

and then he turns to a life of crime because that's basically the only option he had left, after being deprived of so many opportunities in his youth (and the fear of being caught and involuntarily institutionalized again)

and him eventually leaning into the role of "violent madman" that the world thrust onto him for showing signs of mental illness in a way that was nonviolent, but was loud and inconvenient and impossible for those around him to simply push away.

and him taking his rage out at the same world that not only killed his brother but forced him to undergo years of psychiatric abuse and basically dehumanization

(like seriously, how do SO MANY people miss the connection between him using an icepick as a weapon and the concept of an ICEPICK lobotomy)

which. yknow. ties heavily into the film's theme of people being pushed to society's margins and forced into a life of crime, instead of given the help they desperately needed

and then like.

his fucking death scene. he tries to put a stop to the cycle of senseless violence, taking the fall for andrey, telling michailov that *he* was the one who killed luciana

him kneeling down and allowing michailov to bash him through the skull with his very own icepick. it's more lobotomy symbolism; dying from the very thing he spent his whole life running from. further driving home the film's themes of repeating cycles and futility

and then, to drive it all home, that sacrifice didn't even end up stopping the cycle of violence! because andrey viewed joe as basically an older brother (mirroring joe and giorno) and tried to get revenge on michailov for killing joe.

like. come on.

[turtleblogatlast]

I am once again reiterating that Leo could and should be a figure skater because what are ice skates if not twin blades? What is dual blade swordsmanship if not a dance-like performance? Using the skates as blades themselves could let Leo make portals be his ice rink no? I rest my case. ⛸️

[grimalkinmessor]

Was thinking about Light Yagami—again, help—and thought "If Light Yagami wants something, then he's going to get it" but then I realized. No. No, that's not right. Because Light is also the type of guy to convince himself that he doesn't want things. So like,,,only in surges of destructive behavior does he insist on getting what he wants.

Someone spills wine on Light's shirt? Laugh it off but start up a thirty-two step plan to ruin their life.

Light wants some ice cream? No he doesn't. What are you talking about? He's never wanted any sort of dessert in his life because that would be childish and also selfish of him.

An uncle called him a 'sissy boy' for playing the piano? Uncover the drugs in his car and, if there aren't any, plant some. Make sure they're discovered at the largest family gathering possible in front of plenty of witnesses. He will spend seven years in jail.

Light likes a certain band and wants to listen to their music, go to a concert even? Nope. Never heard of them. Who? He doesn't need CDs and his father just bought him a computer for school so really a music player would be excess. Plus he's not one of those heathens that likes to study to music, obviously.

And thinking about that, I think L breaks him out of that mindset by teasing out Light's pettiness. L turns everything into a challenge, a game to win, so Light's more "foolish" wants are no longer childish—they're a victory. L turns Light's simplest desires into petty revenge, and so he'll chase them.

Light would never ask or even search for an expensive gourmet breakfast food on his own, but handcuff him to L and have him watch his every meal, then Light's damn well going to make sure he enjoys it. Light wants silk pajamas because the sheets are uncomfortable, Ryuzaki, really—it has nothing to do with the fact that you turned the thermostat down when Light said he was cold. Suddenly Light enjoys ice cream again but only when it comes from L's bowl when he's not looking.

[torchflies]

Hi TG Fandom! 

I love Irish folklore and believe that the fae folk are terrifying. So…

Nicholas Bradshaw is born in Buck Holler, Tennessee to a coal miner and his wife. 

He's supposed to be an only child forever, he isn't though. 

His Mama loses six babies after him, buries ‘em under little rose bushes that grow big and sturdy with time, but no baby ever sticks as good as the bushes; sticks long enough to give him a little brother or sister to play with — until one does. 

Mama thinks it’ll be a boy, and her belly grows big — bigger than she was with all the others. 

One evening, Nicky is playing in a big circle of mushrooms that popped up over the day, jumping in and out of the ring — until Mama rushes over to scold him. She can't move very fast with her big belly, but she tries anyway, dropping her washing to kneel down and grasp him by the biceps. Mama looks at him with big worried green eyes and tells him to never ever dance in faerie rings, that the fair folk will come and steal him away. She speaks with the terror of a girl who spent her childhood in the Aran Islands, old Irish and fearful down to the very marrow of her bones. 

Nicky promises, his gentle brown eyes filling with tears, but then Mama starts bleeding and can't get to her feet. The baby is coming but something is very very wrong. 

Nicky doesn't dare leave her, he stays to hold her hand, the both of them crouched in the faerie ring — even as his Mama brings a small and silent baby into the world. It never makes a sound and Mama keeps on bleeding… Nicky doesn't know what to do. 

His Mama gasps, with pale lips and a grief-stricken twist to her soul, Please give him a little brother. Please. 

He doesn't know who she's begging, they're the only two out in the night — until he sees a bunch of little blue lights appear, bobbing in the darkness, surrounding them like little flickering candles. A pair of long white fingers comes from the shadows with them, gnarled like old crackling branches in the moonlight, reaching out to gather the remains of the tiny silent baby, the one who never lived, and to press another robust, naked baby into Nicky’s arms in the same breath. 

Tithe, something like a voice creaks out, older than the trees, and suddenly the living, breathing baby boy in Nicky’s arms — one with big, wet green eyes and wild black hair — starts to cry. 

Hello, little brother. He whispers, rocking his baby brother in the center of the faerie ring, surrounded by the sound of his mother’s dying breaths. 

Their father comes home from the mines at daybreak to two healthy sons and a wife who died in childbirth. 

[xxdemonicheartxx]

Most common funerary burials by flight:

Putting this one below the cut due to death mentions and burial descriptions I understand this can be a topic of discomfort no matter how vague one is when speaking on it <3

Arcane: opalization, the body is taken and layed in the shallows of intensely magic rich pools in a resting position, where it will rapidly opalize in a matter of weeks or months due to the volitile arcane energy of the land, sometimes individual scales are opalized instead and the rest of the body is cremated to be scattered amid their favorite place of study

Earth: mummification, the body is taken and embalmed, richly doused in spices, oils, and linen wraps, the organs removed are in canopic jars that resemble the dragon's own visage. Some earth mages practice petrification of the body as well upon request. Another practice is glass blowing cremated remains into colorful works of art, often colorful globes of glittering glass or glass sculptures of the deceased's visage

Shadow: the body is often cremated and the ashes greatly compressed into logs or bricks, before being soaked in spores and water to allow the mushrooms the the tangled wood to reclaim them and take them home. Other practices include burials or creating wrought iron burial markers. Celebrations of life are held around these burial sites

Light: due to the.... emperor problem.... graveyards have rapidly been destroyed and the fear of merging with Luminax sits like a stone in the heart of every imperial. Cremation is the most common practice as of now but celestial burials used to be common practice where the sun would always be able to touch you even in death (also known as sky burials) a new practice adopted from the earth flight includes taking these cremated remains and turning them into glass suncatchers

Plague: plague dragons believe that returning to the land you've survived is a must, dying of old age is a great achievement!! Often the body is returned to the land, buried or laid to be reclaimed by the ecosystem. Some more sentimental dragons or close loved ones will save scales or tan parts of wing membrane to carry close to their heart

Nature: burials are the most common practice, continuing to feed the shrieking wilds, some pathways have small markers or idols where loved ones frequent so that they can continue to pay homage in the labyrinthian jungle

Ice: ice dragons actually do not freeze their deceased, instead they take parts of membranes and tan them before tattooing a depiction of their loved one into their own hide, complete with a name, date of birth and date of death, its too cold to dig in this land so they cremate the remains and scatter them amid the tundra so in spring they can help the flowers return. The tanned memento is kept with a clan's priest, shaman, or spiritual leader with the rest of them, under expert care

Fire: forge pyres, often when fire dragons die their own heat resistance can make cremation a difficult process. So their remains are given to forge masters who are capable of reaching intense heat, working bellows and feeding the flames until the body is reclaimed by the flames. Other practices include caldera funerals, where the body is taken to be sunk in the lava of volcanoes or lava floes. Sometimes blackened skeletons can be reclaimed by loved ones in doing this

Wind: sky burials. The body is taken high up and laid under open sky for the sun and the wind to reclaim, it is believed that in doing this their spirit may continue to soar. Also refered to as celestial burials

Water: sinking of the body in designated graveyards is a common practice, often referred to as a burial at sea. Tiny tiny fragments of the dragon are often kept to be artificially put into oysters so that a pearl can be formed from their loved one's remains. Another practice is water cremation or Alkaline hydrolysis is another practice that is starting to gain traction

Lightning: the desert sand is not suitable for proper burials and grave markers aren't reliable in the shifting expanse, often the body is dehydrated first before undergoing electrical cremation, with no fluid the body will burn rapidly, the ashes then mixed with sand are placed amid one of hundreds of electrical storms with a tall metal rod in the center of the remains. To be struck by lightning turning them into "fulgurites" or "fossilized lightning" these unique and intimate structures are then returned to loved ones to be kept similarly to an urn

There are always exceptions to funeral practices. Dragons like obelisks and imperials often require additional care in the event the obelisk returns to stone or cremation is not an option for the imperial but these are the common or most popular practices in each region (non cannon)

As always I'd love to hear your own headcannons and takes too!!

[pinkcowzz]

have u ever wanted to see tim drake tear bruce a new one over his shitty parenting methods? yeah me too, i wrote about it :) featuring all the bat boys and an ambiguous ending <3

[slutforstabbings]

just once i'd like to see a pregnancy fic where the happy ending is the relief the characters feel after the abortion lol. just once.

[al-luviec]

id like to thank ninjago episode snake jaguar for everything but nothing all at the same time

[haemosexuality]

why are so many adventure time fans just straight up stupid. about how stories work. and i dont even mean kids i mean like adult fans just with the absolutely dumbest takes

[ask-imaginary-dreamers]

How did Flicker come to godhood? Or if this was already answered, Zeus?

“Flicker, huh? Despite being one of the oldest of the New Gods, she’s the most mysterious. Not everyone even knows her story! While, everyone from Celestica Town does though, of course.”

“Anyway, ahem…”

[Death Mention Under Cut]

“She could disguise herself perfectly as anything, every illusion made perfectly tricked the eye.”

“No one even knew she was there. It was comfortable, but terribly lonely.”

“She was caught by surprise and hurriedly tried to hide. But…”

“The Zorua was surprised. She’d never actually known her illusions were that impressive. They began to talk, and became great friends.”

“She never used an illusion again, and it’s said she died of heartbreak shortly after.”

“He offered her a role as God, so she could share her wonderful illusions with everyone, including her old friend’s soul yet again.”

“And with that, she became the God of Dreams. Fueling the imagination of everyone within this Universe.”

[Zeus’ Story Will be Told on Another Post]

@hoodienchaos

[haveyouseenthishorrormovie]

SUMMARY: Poor Gregory. After being released from the Wishing Well Sanatorium, all he wants to do is make the children happy. So Gregory reopens the old ice cream factory, and all the unappreciative brats are reprocessed into the flavor of the day.

Mod Z: YOU ARE JUST AN ICE CREAM MAN. TAKE MY DREAMS AND GET THEM BANNEDD

[battle-subway-ghost]

why haven't you been doing anything?!

what can I do?

I died. I was dead. My arm's been fucked up and I don't want it to stay that way and ive been trying to actually get my shitty fucking life together for once. please just let me have this

[veneror]

𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 : 𝐒𝐔𝐍 𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐃 𝐅𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒 by 𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐋 𝐂𝐀𝐈𝐍

↪ lyric starter for @xluciifer ( currently : accepting )

THERE  IS  A  BOY  IN  HIS  MIND  that lived ages ago  ;  he is constructed of bruised legs and bare feet and calloused, bleeding palms, a cocophany of childish color.  in  another  life,  those young hands would not have been stained with blood that was not his own.  the  CULT  he once remembered acted as a fog around his childhood memories.  all that he remembered was stained in a thick layer of dark  /   that goddamn forest was so intent on ruining every moment he could possibly remember. 

(  you still hear the hymms in your sleep at night, after all of these years have passed and you have not sung praises to your lord in a millennia’s time. you remember the last time you heard the choir.  [  𝐆𝐎𝐃  𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐒  𝐘𝐎𝐔,  𝐁𝐔𝐓  𝐍𝐎𝐓  𝐄𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇  𝐓𝐎  𝐒𝐀𝐕𝐄  𝐘𝐎𝐔.  ]   when you skinned your knee at twelve you were patched up by father terrance, and you remembered his voice from the way he told you  HE WOULD  HEAL  YOUR  SIN.   you remember birthdays surrounded by desolate forest.  you are the founder’s son, and god will forever love you like his own, as long as you stay quiet.  )

BUT  YOU  REMEMBER  HIM   /   HE  DOES  NOT  APPEAR  STAINED  IN  YOUR  MEMORY  /  THE UNTAINTED ARCHANGEL !

the memory plays in vox’s mind like a rerun.  (  blonde haired loverboy with a sharp - toothed grin and six ethereal wings.  he is summoned at the slaughter of the sacrificial lamb given to you by your father, the lamb you were meant to drag into the outskirts of the commune and smear its blood across the trees.  [  but you hadn’t, had you?  ]   you were nineteen and you were  EXHAUSTED  and when you pulled open its body you  CRIED.  do you remember it?  you had blood on your hands and you sank your teeth into your lip to stifle the sounds only the forest might hear.  and when he appeared it was as if your life had ended and begun.  )

;     he says :  you must be the one who summoned me. what is it you’re asking ? a favor ? wanna sell your soul to the big guy himself ? ;     he says :  what, did you not expect it to work ? you’ve got the lamb and everything. ;     he says :  what’s your name, anyway? ;     you say :  james.    ( and your voice shakes as you say it, like you’re not certain if it’s the truth. )

of  course  vox  remembers  him.  it would be foolish not to. he’s there at the gala at the pride ring, and despite being  SURROUNDED  by high - class sinners of pride, bodies decorated in the finest silks, speaking of their accomplishments and their plans for the upcoming decade,  VOX  CAN  ONLY  GLANCE  OVER  AT  THE  KING  OF  HELL  HIMSELF.  he looks the same, just touched  by  time.  worn around the edges  ⸺  once  ETHEREAL  EYES  now stained with dark circles. how much had changed between them that neither of them had the time to speak of?  

(   but  he  is  still  the  man  you  thought  of  when  you  washed  the  lamb’s  blood  off  your  hands.  he is still the boy you thought of while silently and tearfully confessing to a sky that felt empty to you at the time. was lucifer not always known as the harbinger of sin and temptation?  what had you expected?  you keep picking at a wound you won’t let heal.  [  𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄  𝐈𝐓  𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐒,  𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒  𝐈𝐓  𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐖𝐒.  ]   )

vox’s claws sink into the wood of the bar beside him as the two’s eyes meet. they dig heavy into the material, four lines of nostalgia. a part of him almost hoped he wasn’t recognized. he’d rather leave his life in the dirt of a desolate woods.   [   𝐈  𝐂𝐀𝐍  𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑  𝐆𝐎  𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊  𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄.  ]    but he cannot stop himself from staring, from catching glances across a sea of sinners, eyeing lucifer in an almost suspicious manner. in a horrible, horrible world, lucifer would know exactly what had crossed vox’s young mind every single time he smeared blood over a summoning circle days after the first unknowing ritual.  YOU  WEREN’T  SUPPOSED  TO  LOOK  FORWARD  TO  SEEING  THE  ONE  WHO  DAMNED  ETERNITY  TO  SIN.

;          𝐍𝐎  𝐎𝐍𝐄  𝐖𝐀𝐒  𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆  𝐓𝐎  𝐒𝐀𝐕𝐄  𝐌𝐄  /  𝐒𝐎  𝐈  𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓  𝐏𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐃  /  𝐀𝐍𝐃  𝐈  𝐊𝐄𝐄𝐏  𝐏𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆.

(  and the king is just as beautiful as he had been the first night vox had ever summoned him. and the feeling of acknowledging that feels like a dagger burrowing itself into the bottom of his stomach. to love was his original sin.  )

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Man. How did I forget that an entire subplot of Dazai's main story was just. Trying to trap him into having a single conversation with MC like a normal person I'm so akhdjgfkljshgskjd

I just love watching her, Arthur, and Isaac deadass plot with glee to get one over on Dazai it's killing me, this is some Hamlet level shit (no Charles do not stand behind the curtain to kill Dazai coming in the window!!! yamero!!!!!)

Also because I felt personally attacked (/j) when Isaac said this:

I love you Isaac but pls have mercy on creatives we only have one brain cell and we're trying s o hard oTL

Although, and I'll leave it under the cut since I'm back on my Comte-posting, but the way Comte talks about Dazai fascinates me. Also just as fair warning, I do broach a lot of the topics that come up in Dazai rt so trigger warnings for self-harm, suicide, CPTSD and PTSD, trauma, etc. I don't go too too in-depth, but they are there.

Comte: "Dazai is quite skilled at concealing what he's really feeling, even from himself, perhaps."

The way he instantly remarks on how Dazai is not only working to conceal what he feels from others, but also from himself. Tbh I think that's enormously perceptive, because at first glance most people tend to think Dazai is lazy, troublesome, flippant, or erratic (and sometimes, a combination of all of these).

I love that he sees to the core of who Dazai is and what he's feeling; fear. Dazai is afraid of hurting someone again, but I also think on some level he's made it an ontological problem; he's afraid of himself. He thinks his very existence is a negative entity, something that exists only to hurt and/or estrange other people, something wrong/different. I'd argue that's why he's so adamant about mood-making and keeping to himself. If you never express how you truly feel or live true to yourself, on some level you can't entirely reach others. Because fundamentally, being close to other people does require some level of lowered defenses and sharing. Ergo, never dwell too long or give too much of yourself away, never make a mark on anyone--good or bad.

As a side note, Theo calls him "a half-strewn dandelion puff" and I agree that's rather blunt, but on some level Theo operates on a level of utility. His entire operating precept is that life and work must serve a discrete purpose. And Dazai, in choosing to opt out of living with meaning/intent out of fear, makes this description entirely consistent with Theo's perspective of the world. Though his phrasing is harsh and perhaps one-dimensional, I do find it interesting that he comes to a similar conclusion as Comte as to what Dazai is doing.

Comte talks about it with such clarity and calm, he really does feel so parental in this moment. He's not necessarily minimizing the reality of how Dazai is experiencing the world, but he also clearly doesn't agree with Dazai's self-perception. Perhaps most striking to me is how Comte seems to understand that the only threat Dazai poses is to himself...Sometimes it feels like, in the case of conditions like mental illness/depression/etc. people are so eager to assume ill will of a person. This is only exponentially compounded if they prove to have striking intelligence and strategic capacity, the same way Dazai does. I guess I can't help but appreciate that Comte knows the difference between strong and scared, and even how the lines between the two can and often do blur (perhaps best exemplified in his relationships with Jeanne and Dazai).

(Side note: I forgot which event it was but, one time when Dazai was homesick for cherry blossom watching, Comte had the entire house filled with flowers to cheer him up [insert ugly sobbing]).

For someone so enigmatic, evasive, and distant, Comte still notices instantly that Dazai is much, much happier with MC. I suppose it makes me wonder if Comte knew all along that Dazai's real wish was to be accepted and loved as he was, but kept quiet out of respect for his privacy. I would offer too that sometimes people need to realize these things on their own for the information to have value.

But what really gets my ass is what Comte says right after:

This is my bread and butter (so is he but that's not the point of this particular TED talk). In the last few years I've done a lot of exploratory work on how trauma is mapped both internally but also visibly on the body. What I think is engaging here is that, while it could be read on a surface level as "body language gives people's true intentions away" I don't think that's quite what he's getting at. Or perhaps better phrased, it's an oversimplification. I don't think it's that body language can't communicate real and important information about people's lives. Rather, that people associate rigid and absolutist interpretations to singular mannerisms, which does a disservice to both parties. Nobody can know a person at a glance; to say that you do reduces the lived reality of the opposite party.

Comte gives simple examples and couches his words for the context of the moment, but I think that first line is incredibly telling. "But the body is remarkably truthful." It makes me think of how, in moments where Comte is overcome with anxiety as a result of traumatic recurrence, he has acute panic attacks (i.e. shortened breath, racing heart, trembling). How Leonardo's lethargy (i.e. napping on the floor everywhere like the hobo he is) belies the reality of his very real exhaustion, the emotional turmoil that comes with a fraught immortal life.

Dazai's endless struggle with dissociation and self-harm, the way he stood in the rain unmoving at the thought of MC returning home to the modern era. Whether to numb himself from the pain of that grief/loneliness, or perhaps more likely the self-immolation of subjecting himself to the re-enactment of the most harrowing moment of his life. To relive that anguish as a reminder; to abstain from making the same mistake ever again. Jeanne's endless bodily tension, struggles with basic self-care (appears to be interoception-based; reduced signalling of the need to eat/rest/etc.), and self-isolation to cope in a world where only the strong survive. Never safe, always alone, always defensive.

I think, for many people in general but especially people who have been through intense PTSD/CPTSD/etc., it can be hard to express these feelings directly. Whether they are forcibly silenced, ridiculed into self-derision/self-concealment, or are overwhelmed by emotions that are difficult to process--each manifests itself in unconventional ways. It means a lot to me when those phenomena are portrayed so sensitively in written works/media, that they're explored with real intention and narrative subtlety to communicate how hard it is for people who are wounded or simply different (or both, as often is the case).

Addendum:

Even more than that, and this is an observation at the end of Dazai's route, is Comte's open belief that life is something to be cherished. Of course, like any other person he has behaviors he won't abide and people he doesn't feel partial to, but by and large he doesn't take life lightly. Perhaps that's why he doesn't expect Dazai to resort to such measures again, in conjunction with the circumstances of his transition. From an outsider perspective, I could see how Comte might assume Dazai no longer wishes for that if he seemed to regret his initial course of action by seeking resurrection. There is also the implication that Dazai is always at war with himself, and therefore might give contradictory impressions; one moment he wants to live, the next he doesn't. This is precisely what led him to ask Charles for help to subdue his own 'cowardice.' (His terms, not mine. [bonks him]) There is a sizeable subset of s-word survivors who, after recovery, feel that their problems were actually solvable despite their despair in the moment.

Of course, that doesn't apply to everyone, but I think there's something to be said of Comte feeling such real affection for the mansion boys that he is stricken to find out what Dazai attempted. And perhaps unsurprisingly, very adamant to keep him from ever pursuing such a course of action again. He's incredibly vulnerable about his horror that he might have inflicted something on Dazai that he never wanted in bringing him back, though Dazai comfortably refutes any lack of agency in the situation.

I guess I feel very compelled by the duality inherent in Comte's glass heart, precisely because of how realistic it feels. His greatest strength is his sensitivity, but it's also his greatest weakness in tandem. His genuine care for Dazai--the unwavering belief that his life is valuable and worthy--ends up being the reason he doesn't anticipate Dazai's rather deeply entrenched self-loathing. And to be honest, I'm a bit inclined to agree; looking back on a third reading Dazai feels way too hard on himself. It feels like the young girl's death was more a catalyst for what Dazai was already feeling, than anything. Dazai wanted so badly to have a reason to despise himself (as he already disliked how different and out of place he naturally felt) and with this, his self-reproach could have a viable, rational explanation. A locus outside of his body by which to rationalize his self-hatred. Accident or not becomes irrelevant; he was involved, and thus he is guilty.

He reminds me a lot of that post that was circulating once about how cultish behavior inculcates intelligent people with more devastating pull than one might expect, because intelligent people can more easily and more insistently find ways to desperately rationalize their situation to function in that whirlpool of abuse. Dazai feels like he's in this same such Catch-22, so busy believing he deserves to be scorned (because of how well he hides his perceived abnormalities) that he takes steps to ensure and reinforce it. He wants and needs to see his reality make sense, and if it won't answer his designs he will find a way to make it so.

It fascinates me because Dazai is an incredibly complex example of someone who desires control, but instead of inflicting it with external rapacity, he targets his own internal state. I once heard a Buddhist explain: yes, it is a sign of disturbance to engage with others aggressively and without grace. However, it is also a sign of disturbance when the mind seeks to harm one's own body. Although Dazai's disturbance is not as apparent, it is there. And that's part of what makes him so excruciatingly compelling to me, in a lot of ways he is the manifestation of the Sisyphean suffering of being ill in a quiet way. In enduring and smiling and laughing because you don't want to burden others--or know you're not allowed to--all while you slowly bleed from the inside out.