#im still learning myself i will be learning forever but i can pass out what helps me currently at least

[spacedlexi]

Can you please do a breakdown of how you draw hands? I can do them in some positions, but any other time draw them and I feel like I’ve forgotten how hands look.

heck yeah anon lets do this

hands to me are just 3d squares with little tubes comin out. it helps to break it down into as few simple shapes as you can. this is like base 1 for me. once you know what direction/perspective your palm is in, it helps in visualizing the perspective the fingers will be following

ok simple enough. now lets add to this a little

our palms are not just hard flat squares. they move they bend they curl. play with your hands. notice the way your palm moves when you touch your thumb to your pinky. make a fist and notice the arch in your knuckles. you can learn a lot by just examining your own body

part of me thinks of it kind of like curling a sheet of paper by its edges. try to find a way to visualize it that works for you. then you can work on making short hands for those visualizations

if you dont already draw nails on fingers i encourage you to try it. they help a Lot in visualizing form and perspective. the palm may be the anchor but the fingers are where all the action is. nails can help for quick reading of that action

hmmm i think thats all i got for now!! keep messing with your hands and try to focus on the feeling of it as well as it curls and fists and stretches. notice the way your knuckles move. the way your fingers bend. how the thumb can move independently. even the way the skin folds between your fingers. look at it from different angles and perspectives (especially perspectives where a lot of the hand is hidden behind itself)

hands are Complex. theres a lot of moving parts. when looking at your hands try not to see them AS hands and just look at them as shapes. sometimes we can get caught up in the way we know something SHOULD look that it gets in the way of drawing it the way it ACTUALLY looks (like things hidden behind perspective or positioning)

i hope this is helpful!! good luck 💕

[arthur-r]

HEY as of tomorrow it will be one year since i have passed out!!!! that is actually so good!!

[neil-gaiman]

hey neil, i know that theres a very low chance youll see this considering how many asks you get but its worth a shot. im still in highschool and youve always been my biggest inspiration, but no matter all this advice i see to just "keep writing", my issue is that i have yet to start writing the thing i really want to and my brain doesnt allow me to find inspiration for anything that isnt it. and if i do find inspiration, it feels incredibly unworthy of my time because of my dedication to this one story. i write other random fanfiction to things i enjoy, but my main focus for *years* with large worldbuilding and character arcs is just something i, no matter how hard i try, can manage to map out on a board to get a sense of how to really start it. im autistic, which makes it harder for me to understand vague "just start it and revise later", "write random things", "just begin it no matter how it sounds". its hard to motivate myself and i suffer tremendously from the knowledge that time passing means time wasted. whats bad about having just one main focus is that i want it to be my lifes work, this series to explain this fixation ive had in my head since sixth grade, and i dont want to write anything else unless it could relate to it. i feel the constant pressure to write and yet i cannot, because i am not in the right state to begin that life project. how am i to guide myself in the direction of understanding writing more if i am stuck behind a wall of disinterest to write something else? i wish to inspire young readers the way you did me, but for years its plagued me knowing that i know so little. if you ever see this, i will be forever grateful. thank you for reading this.

I don't know. You either have to write other things to get good enough to start your special project, or you need to start your special project and learn how to get good enough as you write. There isn't really an alternative three.

[zyrafowe-sny]

i hope you know i look up to you a lot bc ur an adult who seems to have their shit figured out and im a hot mess and dont know what to do with myself so thank you i guess. do you promise it gets better

Aww, dear Anon, that's very sweet and flattering. I very much still have shit to figure out and actually feel like more of a hot mess than usual right now, but — in many ways it does get better. Some personal examples/ramblings:

I know I have had rough patches before and I got through them somehow. Sometimes I did better than others, but the key thing is surviving. A brand new rough patch can feel completely overwhelming at first, but that's how the others felt too. "This too shall pass."

I *expect* there to be rough patches and backsliding after positive progress. Depression and executive dysfunction won't go away forever. Bad life events will happen. The laundry and dishes will pile up again. That's not to say everything is hopeless and there's no point in trying— it just means that life has ups and downs and that's normal. The goal is to trend roughly upwards in the long run.

I'm more self aware. I'm better able to recognize when I'm showing early signs of depression and am learning how to address it before it gets harder to get myself out of that hole. I'm learning more coping strategies/life hacks that work for me. I'm identifying regular activities are important for my mental health and things that might make it worse. There's often a gap between being self aware and doing something with that information, but it's progress.

Somewhere along the way, I learned to be kinder to myself. That includes accepting imperfection and declaring things good enough.

I definitely found it true that I have fewer fucks to give than I was younger, and there's a lot of freedom in that.

I hope any of that was helpful. I hope things start feeling a little easier for you, Anon, and wish you all the best. Take care. <3

[stargirlposts]

El Malo

CHAPTER 2

(I know I took quiet a minute to post this but I lost my drafts in my old phone cause it fell in water 😭 and I didn’t back anything up but it’s here it also took a while cause I don’t really like how it turned out im having major writers block so some feedback would be great ps. Thank you for the likes and reposts it means a lot to me

I couldn’t sleep all night after Cesar told me that Oscar is getting out tomorrow. I don’t know what to expect or what’s gonna happen. I cuddled up on the couch as I thought back to when Oscar and I were younger. Him and I had always known each other, not personally but my house was down the street from his, so when I would walk to school, I would walk past his house . As we got older, Oscar and I always exchanged glances but we never talked.

I had never even told my friends about the glances that we shared, he didn’t tell his friends either, it was just something between us. I can still remember when one day I saw him with those beautiful dark curls and the next day it was all gone. Or when I saw his Santos tattoo for the first time.

I always thought Oscar was attractive but I wouldn’t ever dare act on it. He was a santo and I was a goody two-shoes, I never thought he was interested in me. I was the complete opposite of the ideal girl for him in the position he was in as a santo. But he didn’t care about that. He was different. He is different.

But, I’m concerned about how Oscar getting out is gonna affect Cesar. He seemed real distant after he told me that Oscar is getting out. I’m scared about what’s gonna happen

Cesar and another santo went to pick Oscar up, I didn't want to stick around for when they would come back so I decided to go to my mom’s house.

“Mija, you can't hide here forever. You’ll have to face him eventually” my mom stated softly as she stroked my hair lovingly.

“I thought you didn’t want me anywhere near him” I stated as I turned to look at her.

“And I don’t, I told you multiple times when you were a teen not to go anywhere near him and that he was no good for you but look where we are now “

I rolled my eyes with a sigh, “ I have Tony, he’s good for me, isn’t he?”

“Well, from what you’ve told me he is but I’m your mom, I know you don’t love him”

“I don’t know how to leave him, he’s been so good to me but he’s just not-“

“He’s not Oscar “ she started cutting me, “ You’re gonna hurt him if you keep lying princess”

“I told myself I’d learn to love him and I will, it’s just taking a while”

My phone buzzed and I looked to see it was a notification from Cesar

Cesar💙: he’s out.. we’re heading back now

I turned my phone off and told my mom I was going to my room. I was gonna relax and take a nice bath and everything was gonna be fine.

I was writing in my journal when I heard a knock on my door and my mom opening the door halfway.

“Caesar is here to see you ,” she smiled softly and patted Cesar on his shoulder.

“ Hey, Cesar” I said to him as I put my notebook in my bedside drawer.

I saw his eyes looked red and I tugged his wrist to sit down on my bed.

“What happened, what’s wrong?”

“Oscar is forcing me into the gang, I don't want to Y/N..”

We both knew this was gonna happen even before Oscar got arrested.

“Do you want me to talk to him even though I really don’t want to see him but you know I’d do anything for you..”

“We both know nothing's gonna change his mind, I’m scared of him, I don’t think even you could change his mind..He asked about you, I think he wants to see you”

I rolled my eyes but I’m not gonna lie and say that didn’t warm my heart. My mom knocked on my door telling me that she was gonna do a quick run at the store and then pass by Geny’s house. My mom and her were very close practically sisters. Cesar and I talked but then he got a message from Oscar so I walked him to the door, but when I opened it, I felt my heart beat a million times more..there he was the love of my life, Oscar Diaz.

Cesar cleared his throat and started walking out “I’ll wait in the car”

The 1966 Cherry red Chevy Impala. Oscar and I share a lot of memories together in that car.

“You’re not gonna give me a welcome home hug”

I finally looked up at him.

“I’m seeing someone Oscar” I stated as I crossed my arm, and looked down. As much as I wanted to hug him and kiss him, I couldn’t.

He chuckled at this “Yea, I’ve heard, but he’s not me, you’re still mine Y/N..”

“Oscar, it’s not the same anymore”

“You can lie to yourself but we both know, you still love the way I still love you” he gently touched my chin and closed the door, leaving me to wipe away my own tears.

[shower-phantom-ideas]

Danny leaves Amity Park and Earth to commit to his rile as Ghost King

Ok I can’t lie to yall it’s one am and I wanted to write danny becomes ghost king and moves to the realms but misses school so asks William Lancer to skype call him during class so he can still be there. But I got very off track. Like I think I wrote a character study of jazz? I had to force myself to stop no joke. I could write this way forever but I think it’s kinda boring to read when I write in this style.

Anyway rambling here it is

Danny becomes the high King of the Infinite Realms and tries his hardest ti balance it all with his human life but it’s too much. He can’t keep up. His parents start putting more and more pressure on him. Plus their hatred if Phantom and ghosts has gone from a 10 to one hundred. Jazz thinks their obsessed, like their in love but with the idea of destroying Phantom. She no longer tries to give Danny a false hope of them accepting him as a halfa. Like he can’t see that. Every time she pulls him out if the kitchen, the living room, the lab. Hell every time Danny walks down the hall and one ih his parents join him, theres Jazz. As if summoned. Shes made it her mission to keep Danny from them and when she can’t she will do her best to make sure hes not alone with then. He thinks it’s a bit extreme and secretly is so glad for it. It’s like shes telling him his feelings are justified and that hes not crazy for being scared of his parents. That he doesn’t have to have the same fear of her. Shes on his side. Shes protecting him. And it’s nice. To be the one protected for once.

So they make a plan for him to leave. The Realms arent going ti give up or go away so he might as well go there. At least if hes nit running from his new responsibilities as Ghost King then they wont have to track him down and dump it in him once it’s piled up too much to be ignored. Hes already told Jazz hes not going ti pass up the crown. Imagine the good he can do as King. Plus hes promised that if he needs any help he will ask. So she helps him go. Their parents hardly notice when Danny disappeared from their house. Their obsession, their devotion, to Phantom has completely blinded them. Jazz is only staying because she is so close to finished here so wont have ti stay long. Less than a year and she can go off to any college she wants. Her grades are proof enough that she knows she wont tied to them and their money. She will be dependent of them and make a name for herself completely unrelated to them. These monsters who have taken her parents place.

She does wish she noticed sooner. Make she could have spared Danny so much pain and trauma had she just seen the signs. It was so clear to her now that this was their path. With every passing day she should have seen what they would become. But children love their parents regardless of goodness and she wanted to, no needed to believe they would do right by Danny. That no her parents wouldnt try to turn their son into a science experiment and strap him to a table and cut him open. She so craved and longed for a normal stable family. Something she no doubt learned doesn’t exist while studying physiology. She can’t blame herself. She knows it’s not her fault. She is still a child and still loved her parents. Even now as she makes plans to leave them and never come back to them. Even now she loves them. ‘Maybe im making a mistake’ ‘am I doing the right thing?’ The doubts pour into her mind. Then she sees them or talks to them and is once again reminded of why shes doing this. She has no doubts about if she can do it. She is smart and resourceful. She can easily make it on her own with a full ride to pretty much any collage. She would earn money as a tutor still and maybe even write articles online for cash, shes already got some offers, but that little voice in her mind still nags at her that they’re her parents and they love her. Maybe they used to but she knows they only care about one thing. Their “work” or their “science” in reality it’s their obsession. Ironic how they are like ghosts with their obsession controlling them. Unable to do anything else, think about anything else, until is fulfilled. If they just achieved their goal they would let up and maybe even return to their family. Minds no longer unable to sleep due to thoughts of their target. But Jazz could never let them. The price of her loving parents is the life of her sweet little brother. What a choice for a 17 year old to make. Have the family she was promised from all the media she had as a kid, showing familys of understanding and endless love. Or lose any hope of loving parents to help her little brother have his own loving family.

The choice was clear. She would sacrifice anything for him after all. If he asked her to give up her human life and join him in ruling the Realms she would have. Hell if he asked her to become a halfa she would have. This sweet boy whos willing to give up everything for everyone else deserves at least that. The hero who is not loved for his acts but despised, hated even, by those who he protects. A crueler fate even that his whole being obsessed with protecting them. Even if he wanted to give up on them he couldnt. She doesn’t even think hes capable of wanting to give up on protecting them. His ghost obsession keeps him from it. So she will give to the giver. He deserves just that.

~~~~

[imsogayyippee]

favorite lyric from each mcr album?

oh that's. pretty hard to decide hold on

long ass post sooo ↓

so from bullets, some lines i really like are:

"and you must keep your soul like a secret in your throat" (vampires will never hurt you)

"Oh, how wrong we were to think that immortality meant never dying" (our lady of sorrows)

"with ice cold hands and grabs a hold of your heart/that's if you've still got one that's left inside that cave you call a chest" (skylines and turnstiles)

"i'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets" (demolition lovers)

"And after all the things we put each other through and/I would drive on to the end with you/a liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full and/I feel like there's nothing left to do/But prove myself to you and we'll keep it running" (demolition lovers)

"All we are, all we are/Is bullets, I mean this" (demolition lovers)

"As lead rains will pass on through our phantoms/Forever, forever/Like scarecrows that fuel this flame we're burning/Forever and ever/Know how much I want to show you you're the only one/Like a bed of roses, there's a dozen reasons in this gun" (demolition lovers)

from three cheers for sweet revenge:

"Can you hear me?/Are you near me?/Can we pretend to leave and then/We'll meet again/When both our cars collide" (helena)

"well, don't I look pretty walking down the street in the best damn dress I own?" (give 'em hell, kid)

"pain in my heart for your dying wish/I'll kiss your lips again, yeah" (you know what they do to guys like us in prison)

"pull the plug, but i'd like to learn your name/when holding on/oh, i hope you do the same" (the jetset life is gonna kill you)

"Preach all you want, but who's gonna save me?/I keep a gun in the book you gave me" (thank you for the venom)

"Don't stop if I fall and don't look back/Oh, baby, don't stop/Bury me and fade to black" (hang 'em high)

"when you go, just know that I will remember you/if living was the hardest part/we'll then one day be together/and in the end we'll fall apart/just like the leaves change in colors" (it's not a fashion statement, it's a fucking deathwish)

"And we'll love again, we'll laugh again, we'll cry again, and we'll dance again!/and it's better off this way, so much better off this way/I can't clean the blood off the sheets in my bed!/and never again, and never again/they gave us two shots to the back of the head/and we're all dead now" (i never told you what i do for a living)

from the black parade:

"you might wake up and notice you're someone you're not/if you look in the mirror and don't like what you see/you can find out first hand what it's like to be me" (the end.)

"and would you even turn to say i don't love you like i did yesterday" (i don't love you)

"tell me i'm an angel/take this to my grave/tell me i'm a bad man/kick me like a stray" (house of wolves)

"You should have raised a babygirl/I should have been a better son" (mama)

"and if you would call me your sweetheart/i'd maybe then sing you a song/but there's shit that i've done with this fuck of a gun/you would cry out your eyes all along" (mama)

"so shut your eyes/kiss me goodbye/and sleep/just sleep/the hardest part's the awful things that i've seen" (sleep)

"na, na, na, na, na, na, na (let's blow an artery) /na, na, na, na, na, na, na (get plastic surgery) /na, na, na, na, na, na, na /keep your apology, give us more detonation" (na na na)

"coming out of this place in a bullet's embrace" (bulletproof heart)

"are we still having fun?/are you holding the gun?" (planetary (GO!))

"they laugh, we don't think it's funny/if what you are is just what you own/what have you become when they take from you/almost everything?" (DESTROYA)

there's probably more but it's late and ive been writing this for like an hour LMAOOO im sorry 4 not answering before

[danidoesathing]

📚💛🔮 for your ask game?

📚 Is there a fanfic or fanfic writer you recommend?

Lord Huron wise there ain't much out there and they're scattered across tags, but there's definitely a few!

Both under a very bad sign by Blancwene and walk out of the cosmic fog into a new life among the stars! by Biolumenesce are really good surreal VN fics that explore more of the vibes of the album as well as the story (pre-movie).

There's a couple more vibe/song centric ones like At the Edge of the Woods by Wasuremono (a yawning grave fic with an original story) and Immortal by Gheyn (la belle fleur sauvage with a fairytale style/elements).

Roubki's Secret of Life is pretty good too! It's a post-VN fic that takes place right after the events of the movie, that follows Buck (and Johnnie, whose still hanging around as a ghost) as he's more or less forcefully adopted by the World Enders. It's very fun and silly and im in love with it so far.

I'd also very much recommend eosofthedawn/foolofatook001's Strange Tales series. It's the different stories of LH in the format of TMA statements. It's three in as of now, two of which are Dead Man's Hand (One from Johnnie's perspective and the other from Buck's) and one for the Stranger MV with the Not!Them. I'd seriously recommend it whether or not you like TMA, those are really great i adore these.

and while I haven't gotten around to reading it yet, Vide Noir: Consciousness Neutralizer by every_eye_evermore is a crossover fic with the Murderbot Diaries books, which (i think) leans and meshes into the sci-fi elements of both series. I've read aster's writing before and can full recommend his stuff!

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

do whatever you want forever (seriously just. stop giving a shit. you'll feel so much better)

get weird with it

creating a writing discord server just for yourself is a good way to organize your shit

get a beta (still working on this one myself)

for the love of god if you're stuck and want to write the next sentence/scene/paragraph just skip to that. get that shit down further down the page and worry about connecting it later

🔮 Any advice for writers working through burnout or writer’s block?

oh god im not the person to ask for this. i get stuck all the time but uh. ill default to point 5 again because a lot of the time when i get stuck. if you're got the vibes for one scene you're not at yet just....go and get what you can for that scene down while the coffee is still hot.

Alternatively just. get out of the physical space you're writing in. Go to a cafe or restaurant or park or anywhere with free wifi and try it out there. sometimes the brain has different modes its in, like at school is "School mode" at work its "work mode" and home is usually "Rest mode" so just getting out of the house and somewhere new allows for the brain to slip back into that writing mode easier. There's a cafe near my house and going up there to write has been a huge help for my progress (although its not great for my wallet, but hey its good coffee)

if it's more "i cant write at all" you just gotta....wait it out i guess? go out and do something you like and stop thinking about it. the more you worry about getting back to writing the worse it'll get (for me anyway). you cant force yourself out of a writers block usually, so let it pass in due time. remember you're doing this for fun, so let it be fun!

[endobiologist]

How is hormone therapy going? I've considered it myself but I'm nervous about it. Can you tell me a little about what its like? :)

Ah, thank you so much for asking!! I appreciate it!!

Well, the experience is really quite vastly different for every person on HRT.

For me, it was one of the best choices I have ever made in my life. I was hopelessly and horribly dysphoric for my whole life to the point of nearly not being able to function (dysphoria coupled with severe mental illnesses is for sure A Bad Time) and I was lucky enough to be able to get on it fairly early, thank God because I probably would not have lasted longer-apologies for that dark subject but it is necessary to mention for how much it turned my life around entirely.

I am still not fully transitioned to my liking per sé, as the full range of Testosterone's complete effects is a maximum of 5 years according to my research. I have been on it for nearly 2 years now. I plan to be on it for the rest of my life if possible, as I'd like all effects to stay forever-- I fucking ADORE every second of it, honestly I'm not afraid of needles either like most are so I literally get ecstatic & excited every time it's time to inject LOL!! Probably a weird reaction but--it legit makes me wanna throw a party every time those 2 weeks pass & it is time to.

(Not all forms of HRT have to be injected however, though it is the "strongest, most evenly distributed form" especially if done every 2 weeks instead of every 1 week,

as my doctor described it, which made me choose it--and coupled w my lack of giving a shit about injecting lmaoo)

I have had a lot of effects, I am also finally growing actual facial hair which is nice-though I learned I prefer my face clean-shaven or at least mostly, which is a hilarious twist tbh as I thought I'd want a full beard. I'm cool with both but I definitely prefer how I look without, so I shave every now & then currently.

My body looks entirely different, at least my shoulders and arms HELLA, I've had strong asf cis men say I'm built better than them which gives me giggle-fits of pridefulness LMAO--im petty ig--

but anyway to get to the true point--I would not be where I am today or perhaps here at all, myself, if I didn't go on it and exactly when I did. I am so extremely grateful for it occurring and that I have access to it at all--I am honestly hardly feeling dysphoria except on Really Bad days when it still hits me. Even things I should be dysphoric about and was in the past, idgaf about now. My chest barely bothers me now, and used to be my personal Hell. I have even decided to not do top surgery in the future which is... really bizarre as I was DESPERATE for it before (however this most-dysphoria-removal effect seems to be rare, so don't expect it to "cure" dysphoria, it didn't for me either but I'd say reduced it by like 90% or something lol. But most don't have that strong of a reaction)

My advice for you and every trans person on the fence about it, would be do a CRAP TON of research, on its every effect, type, etc. and talk to or read about/etc. as many people you can find who can give their opinions on their own experiences-as everyone has a different story!

If it is a "HELL YES" after that, then definitely go through with it. If there is still doubt, I'd wait. There is no rush as you can always decide to begin in the future

Know though, that if you do start it, but wish to stop later,

in some ways there's a "reset button",

but in some ways there is not.

Some effects will reverse if you stop taking T, like the fat & muscle redistribution, etc.

however some will stay, for example any body or facial hair that develops will then grow forever as the follicle is "activated" (male hair is a different subtype of hair, so once it's made it can't be reversed) and etc.

Be aware of which effects do this, and just in general, get as much information you can gather.

This info-gathering also has the added bonus, of impressing TF out of your endocrinologist if you do happen to choose to go the route of beginning taking it--

During the consultation, they'll ask if you know about it well, and for me, I began on a spiel of the things I knew & how much I researched because I was so excited to begin and how much it would help me.

By my Dr's reaction she was blown away by my very informed decision, that I had thought about it VERY hard, & I think that is what assisted me greatly in acquiring the prescription for it so fast.

Basically, if they either know or just think you are going into this without much context or don't seek it passionately, they think you may change your mind and that you're "going through a phase" or that you can't consent due to not enough information that you know on it for such a majour medical decision.

If you come in confident asf that this is what you need, and you're like "Yeah I know this, I got this shit locked down" they know they're dealing with someone who is very damn sure this is the path they need, and thus the doctor doesn't have to worry nor explain more, which speeds everything up.

Overall, I will end this by saying I wish you the utmost good luck, and that whatever path you choose, you feel happy and gender-euphoric!! Thank you for asking my advice & I hope I helped in any way!! 👍����💜🏳️‍⚧️

(ALSO I SEE UR USERNAME MMMMMNN YES, SOMEONE WITH QUALITY TASTE IN CHARACTERS--LMAOOO SRRY IM A SHAMELESS WILLIAM FANATIC, I GOTTA MENTION THAT

UR USERNAME MADE ME LEGIT SMILE-- HAHDJGNGJGJGJG)

[sweetmoogirl]

I'm curious as to the psychology of your kink. For someone so young, it seems like a pretty full on and specific kink. I am wondering firstly, what is the connect between fantasy and reality, if any, are you just engaging in fantasy purely for horny reasons? Does your fantasy and kink ever enter your reality and if so to what extent? Secondly, how did this kink begin for you - were you traumatised, did you simply explore the internet until stumbling across something that you explored further because of the sexual excitement it gave you, do you have mental illness or are you a fully functioning person? I think there's a lot to learn from you so please, the more detail and clarity, the better.

im pretty flattered that you seem to think im so interesting lolol

i dont know which kink youre specifically talking about though since a lot of my kinks can fall under this line of questioning. ill answer this for the three "worst" kinks i have: detrans/misgendering, cnc, and misogyny. if its not one of these three then lmk and ill answer again.

for detrans/misgendering, it really not that specific tbh. theres a lot of trans people who have a kink like this or similar to this. (forced) feminization is also very common, especially in masculine spaces. theres absolutely a psychological aspect to this, as well as a societal one. trans people are oppressed and often discriminated against in many ways, including being misgendered. this kink allows for a SAFE and CONSENTUAL space for someone to cope through their traumas in a healthy way.

theres also a VERY strict gender binary often forced on trans people by cis people, and sometimes others in our own community, that force a lot of us into a box. if you dont keep your hair short, wear boy clothing, like masc hobbies, and transition medically then youre not a real trans man. if you dont do makeup and wear dresses with long hair, tuck, get surgery or use padding for breasts, or act feminine then youre not a real trans woman. if youre too masc or fem or you dont fit into nonbinary stereotypes then you must be lying.

this kink is a very easy way to explore masculine and feminine sides to ourselves as trans people that we wouldnt be able to irl because of these harsh gender roles that we HAVE to adhere to otherwise no one takes us seriously (obviously trans people are valid NO MATTER HOW THEY PRESENT OR CHOOSE TO DO but this is a very common mindset we have to deal with).

i got into this kink bc my gender dysphoria is awful. its made me miserable for most of my life and it, alongside my adhd and possible autism, is why i struggle so much with depression and anxiety. im always worried about how ill be seen, if ill pass as male, and remembering my own body makes me sick. i started joking over half a year ago, saying "well i cant get dysphoric if i pavlov myself into getting horny everytime i get misgendered. haha checkmate t3rfs!!!" and then it became less of a joke.

i wrote stories of trans men exploring this kink in my writing and it really helped. im still dysphoric. i may joke about how this kink is the way to cure gender dysphoria but thats not how it actually works. i still have days where my body is unbearable and the thought of being feminized makes me want to hide away forever. but it genuinely did help to break out of those boxes i put myself in and play in a safe space with terms and mentalities regarding my gender.

in terms of fantasy and reality, this is purely fantasy for me. i have no desires to detransition, nor do i have any want to be misgendered outside of horny purposes. i am a man, i will always be a man, and thats not going to change just because tumblr user xyz called me babygirl. im almost a year on testosterone and im considering getting top surgery as we speak. this kink doesnt affect me on any other level than horny.

for cnc/noncon, this one is probably a bit more in depth. i dont have any specific trauma in this field. ive been touched inappropriately against my consent a handful of times (as in someone touched my chest or my hips) but nothing that spawned this kink.

however, there are studies that show that a LOT (as in over half) of afabs get fantasies regarding cnc and non consensual situations. this DOES NOT mean that they want to taken advantage of. for the most part, this kink derives from the idea of being wanted so badly by someone that they would take you no matter what. its also the idea of POWER PLAY, of being helpless and not having to make any sexual decisions.

theres also a lot of trauma involved and, as stated before, kink is a SAFE and HEALTHY place to cope with that trauma as long as safe words, aftercare, and proper communication is enforced. there are many people who like being in a cnc scene and knowing that, unlike their trauma, they now have CONTROL over the situation and can stop it whenever they want and have their wishes be RESPECTED. in this area, i am the wrong person to ask so i implore you to do more research on your own with this topic if youre truly curious.

for ME personally, i like noncon/cnc bc of that power dynamic. i am a submissive who could NEVER dom in any sense of the word. i like being completely submissive and i like having my dom take control and do anything and everything for me. i dont want to make decisions and i like being overpowered and taken care of. its just hot to be forced to do something, whether that be manhandled into the next room or be good.

this is a fantasy that ive had for years, even when i was a kid. i dont know WHY that is, but i do know that a lot of my friends who have childhood related trauma also had fantasies like that as a kid. i also discovered hardcore porn and noncon scenes when i was WAY too young to even know what sex was and im sure that exposure affected me in an unhealthy way too. again, id implore you to look for educational resources on the nature of forceful and violent fantasies, both sexual and not. its a fascinating subject and bdsm and kink psychology and etiquette has been a fixation of mine for years.

and it is just that, a fantasy. in real life, i am extremely sex repulsed and borderline identify as asexual because i dont want to do anything like that with anyone. im also, as mentioned before, extremely anxious and socially awkward so i dont like being near people at all. the idea of anyone hitting on me or not respecting my boundaries makes me feel ill, even if its hot while im horny.

for misogyny, ill keep it short bc its related to everything above. basically combine my reasoning for cnc and detrans and youd get my reason for this. its basically me, as a trans person, going from one extreme of being so masculine it was toxic and exploring the other extreme. its once again just me exploring a taboo subject in a safe and consensual space.

misogyny kink is rooted in strict female gender roles, as well as the forcefulness and disrespect you get from cnc. thats why its my favorite kink, it combines everything i like but specifically utilizes WHY i like those things. i discovered it when i made my first detrans/misgendering tumblr account and made a side account dedicated to it, and then when i made this account i just combined the two.

i grew up super fucking feminist and i still am a major feminist who is all about supporting women and their choices. i love women and think theyre cool as hell and much, much stronger than i am lolol. this is just a fantasy for me, nothing more. this is another kink that is heavy on the dom/sub dynamics, as well as giving people who experience trauma at the face of their oppression a place to take back those experiences.

anyways thats my super long post!!! tysm for asking, anon, i love answering questions. if you have any further questions then you can shoot me some more anons or you can message me directly, i dont mind :D

i hope i answered your question and it all made sense!!!!

[pacifymebby]

Hey Layla! I’m curious.. who is a fictional character you find yourself identifying with? And why? I feel like it says a lot about a person 🥰

Hiii <3 i love this question but omg its difficult.

Here me out on this one but

Mole (Wind in the Willows)

🌿 He starts off so quiet/reserved and isolated, he lives his quiet underground life minding his own business and well, i guess staying in his comfort zone... But he does have the desire for adventure, later whenever ratty is shaking his head and not wanting to go along with toads plans, its moley who is like "oo but it could? Be fun" like he's uncertain but he has this kind of want for excitement. Which is very much me as i have been my whole life, im really shy, and I'm anxious about things, but i have a curiosity that means whilst i do prefer my comfort zone and my little house with all my little things, theres still something inside me that craves the excitement and draws me to the wild wood. Like i too would have heard ratty say "we don't go there" and immediately been curious as to why.

🌿He's so anxious but so fiercly loyal to his friends that he faces his fears and puts himself in harms way to save his friends and I'm like that too, anxious, terrified to talk to people, but the moment a friend needs me, i find my voice for them. Also there's like a level of stupid to his loyalty, like when he goes into the wild woods on his own, doesnt even know where he's going but he just goes because he feels he has to for toad, so he just stumbles on in, knowing its a bad idea but doing it anyway. I do that alot haha

🌿 He's younger that badger and ratty and he really looks up to them in every way, like theyre not father figures but theyre older, wiser friends who moley looks to for protection and to learn from too, they show him the riverbank and all these new things like Messing about on boats!! And he really admires them but also trusts them immediately, almost naively, just trusts them and I feel like thats very much what i am like when i make friends with any male my age or above. I look for friends with that "take you under my wing" nurturing side to them. (like how me and B became friends, it was because he really did just keep me tucked under his wing)

🌿He's so earthy (yes i know he's a mole) but hes so earthy and he loves his dark damp mole hole with all of his little things, its his home and he loves it even though it isnt much and then when he's with Ratty and he realises that he can't remember where it is, and he cries and gets so sad. Like hes so me for real, i love my room, i love making myself a little home, a sanctuary kind of place thats mine that feels totally safe and cosy and comfortabke. And i will quite happily stay in it forever and ever like its my little nest if I get things just right.

Unnamed Narrator/second mrs de'winter (Rebecca /daphne du maurier)

🌿 Shes so young and she falls head over for a sophisticated older man who is more well educated, higher class status etc than she is and she is so taken in by him and like, naively swept off her feet. She's desperate for his approval and giddy whenever she gets it and what can I say... Reading this book made my daddy issues ten times worse because it normalised them haha

🌿 She really is like, an over emotional, naive little waif and she spends the whole novel feeling too much about the smallest of things. There are times when Max is a little sharp with her and she gets overwhelmed with sadness and guilt and shame ans humiliation all at once and sits there trying not to cry but crying anyway and like, literally last night i was overtired and sulking and B made a passing comment about me being in a foul mood and I waited until he'd left the room and then burst into tears with the intention of getting it out my system whilst he was gone (but he came back into the room unexpected and saw me and was just like oh...) like idk i feel like im a super dramatic takes everything to heart, really easily upset kind of girl? And also like happy things, people showing her basic kindness also sets her off and i too cry at the smallest kind gesture towards me.

🌿Here are some bits i took photos of when reading because i identified so hard haha

🌿 Shes also just deeply anxious about pleasing other people, living up to expectations, she thinks so much about everything and she spends so much time deeply embarrassed by her own perception of herself, whilst like, biting her nails over whether or not she is doing things right. Shes so aware of her own naivety and yet also not at all.

🌿Max is constantly calling her a silly little girl, B is constantly saying similar to me, for similar reasons (like he acts a little distant once, or forgets to be soft with me once and i become convinced he hates me haha)

Thank u for this it was fun, i do think ive basically revealed myself to be even more whimiscal and pathetic than we already thought though haha <3

[jvydub]

hi. if you’re one of the few people who follow me and continue to be active on tumblr then congrats, you get to see me journal on here lol. but if you’re reading this, you know who you are. then this one’s for you. where do i begin?

there was a moment in time where my whole world revolved around you. some can say that’s not the brightest idea cause you lose independence, but i was completely okay with that because i was happy. we were happy. seeing you smile felt like the whole world froze and i wish time just paused right then and there forever. sadly in my life, nothing last forever. as pitiful as that sounds, it’s true. every relationship i’ve experienced seems to fall in the same order. we fall in love, i love too hard, then that love seems to be an everyday occurrence that the love i’m projecting becomes nothing. then i’m in this constant battle with myself. asking, what can i do to top what i just did? but with you, it was different. i told myself that i was going to commit to you regardless of what you do to me but as time went on, the things i did for you started to depreciate. in the beginning, i would do the most simplistic thing for you and you’d appreciate it like i gave you the world. now that wasn’t every time, but whenever you did; it made me warm inside. i am not perfect and nether are you. but that’s the point of a relationship, right? you continue to uplift each other and fight through these battles that come your way and overcome them together regardless of what people think of you. that’s what makes the relationship even stronger.

there comes a point in every relationship that things tie down and the days get boring. everyday won’t be sunshine and rainbows. i learned that if you’re able to overcome that, it only gets brighter. in our case, things slowly got worse. like i said earlier, i am not perfect. im sorry for neglecting you at times and i know that can cause a lot of emotions that slowly built up for you. i just really wish you communicate that better because things would’ve turned out differently. i am not blaming you, it takes two people to build a relationship. this was just the beginning of our downfall.

the lack of communication between us was killing you on the inside and i had no clue. leaded to you texting me one night, telling me you wanted to end things. at first i was confused, i broke down completely. i thought everything was going so well. what happened? i never left my bed for a few days. it was depressing, but on the bright side it gave me a lot of time to think. i then realized i missed all the signs you were giving me. the signs were screaming in my face, trying to tell me how the neglection you were feeling was hurting you deeply. i begged for you back. i had my knees on the floor for you, my forehead was on the ground for you. come to find out you’ve moved on. in that very moment, this heart i built for you shattered into pieces. i asked myself, why so soon? how? were you two already talking towards the end of our relationship? you said it sorta just happened. nothing happened while we were together. coincidence? maybe, but i still trusted you completely. i tried so hard to explain to you that the void you were feeling won’t be fulfilled by him. yet, it took a certain extent for you to realize. eventually, you came back around. this heart that shattered into pieces was now bandaged over. was it still cracked into pieces? yes. but at least it was back together. was i stupid for taking you back? absolutely. i didn’t want to lose what we built together, nor did i want to lose that connection i had with your family and friends because i love them dearly.

some time passed, but things were still rough. i needed some time to heal. it was rough, but i still saw some light at the end of that tunnel. it was a tad bit better and my trust for you was starting to regain. i relaxed for a second, and as i continued to heal, you stab me in the back. you lied. something in my gut just felt something off with you and i trusted it. i knew you weren’t with your friends that night like you claimed. it took some time, but eventually you told me the truth. maybe you should’ve continued to lie to me? maybe i would’ve been able to heal a little more. maybe things would’ve turned out differently. it would’ve killed you inside but at least i would’ve been happier, right? no, that’s selfish of me to think and i am truly grateful you told me the truth. cause that’s what relationships are built on. trust. you not only went out with some other guy, but it was a guy i didn’t like from the very beginning. you claim you were drunk but what does that justify? you can’t tell me i didn’t cross your mind at least once that night. you can’t tell me you didn’t think to yourself at least once that night that maybe this isn’t right. maybe you should stop. and that was the problem, you didn’t. you told me you felt nothing wrong and that killed me. this heart that was bandaged up once again, completely shattered. that’s when this feeling i feel inside of me started. this feeling of emptiness. i turned grey, hollow inside. i started to become emotionless. that light at the end of the tunnel began to fade. it was fading but it was still there. so i began to continue working it out with you. absolutely ridiculous? yes.

you began to open up to me, which was beautiful. you understood the space i needed, you didn’t fully understand it but thats how we always were. crazy for each other. as you started to regain your love for me, i still felt grey. i told you i’d heal from all of this, but what happens to you after a deep cut? it become a scar. the best thing you can do is bandage it up and move on. but like you said, things will never be the same.

this now brings us to my realization. in the past, i would’ve been hesitant to even like a picture on social media of any girl. regardless of who they are to me because i knew it bothered you. that’s just how we were, and that’s okay. i respected that. but now things are different. you sent me screenshots of pictures i liked. they were all different women. they were not you. it bothered you like crazy. you blocked me on every social media platform. ghosted me. why don’t i hesitate now? why didn’t you come to mind before i liked it? why didn’t it bother me that you blocked me? why didn’t i care to explain myself to you? why? these past few days i asked those questions over and over again. as i read books and take a few steps back in life i now understand why i feel like this. it’s again, this numb feeling i feel inside of me. my emotions are cloudy, practically gone. i stopped caring. it’s not fair for me to keep you around while i feel like this. growing up it was really hard for me to express my emotions, to my friends and family, it was hard for me to tell anyone how i really felt. but with you i was able to. i allowed myself to open up and become vulnerable to you. it’s not your fault, please don’t blame yourself. like i said earlier, it takes two people to build a relationship.

lately i’ve been feeling so lost and lonely. my life finally feels like it’s starting to come together. but why do i feel so detached from reality? grey. life feels like it’s starting to slow down, almost euphoric. it feels as if it’s going to end soon. maybe i’m about to enter a new chapter in my life and this one is about to end. i have no clue. all i know is i’m headed in the right direction. at least it feels like it. i’m enjoying my peace. i’m enjoying this lonesome feelings.

i will forever be grateful for everything we’ve been through and i can’t wait to see you thrive. like i said from the very start of our relationship, it feels like we’ve met before. in another life. till we meet again, to my twin flame. this is me healing. this is me opening up. this is me finally letting you go.

with love,

Jamie W

[shmingleping]

I can't do this shit anymore. I just can't take it. I'm in the worst mental and emotional pain that I feel I've ever been in, and that says a fucking lot considering how bad it's gotten in the past. And im on my own with it. I don't know what to do with the massive amount of embarrassment, shame, guilt, and deep self-hatred. I don't feel it's possible to forgive myself and move forward from the fact that I completely fucked up my life; not only that but I did nothing about it for over 10 years which just allowed me to get worse and worse without fully knowing how badly I ruined myself until now, all just because I was afraid of doing the simple things people have to face everyday knowing they were probably unsure and scared as well but knew it would only be temporary and that that jump into the unknown wouldn't last forever and would actually lead them to more happiness than they ever thought possible. How can I forgive myself for ruining the years of my life that are usually dedicated to finding yourself, having new interesting experiences, learning so much more than what just a classroom could teach, going out of your comfort zone, and making the kind of friends you usually get to have for a lifetime? I can't. I can't tell myself that it's ok that I didn't get to do that, most especially because I'm the entire reason why it didn't happen. I've been alone for so long, that anytime anyone, like random strangers or someone from my past pops up in my life (whether their doing or by my seeking them out) I try so hard to hold on to them in such a way that I become the worst possible toxic kind of person who more than likely ends up driving them away by my words or actions... even if they treated me poorly at some point I am willing to take any kind of human interaction that isnt from the only person I actually have in my life (my mom) . Who I love (do I even now what love is? I feel like I'm just a fake, selfish, manipulative piece of shit person) She's so kind to me but I don't deserve it. By fucking up my life I unintentionally ended up completely ruining hers too. She isn't living the life she wants, and that's so fuckjng unfair of me to do to her, especially when I take into account the shit she had to deal with in her life before I took her dreams and threw them away simply because I was selfish and scared and fucking stupid. I hate myself. Even if somehow for whatever reason all of that could be "fixed" I still wouldn't be able to move passed those emotions of hate toward myself. I hate the way I look. Everything from head to toe is grotesque. I'm fuckibg disgusting. No amount of healthy food or workouts and weight loss will make that change. My mind and personality are also such shit I can't stand it. I just want to crawl into the enormous hole I started digging for myself 12 years ago and never have to come out. My life will never be what I wish it was. I've done too much damage and wasted too much time. I was doomed from the start just by being who I am. I just wish I could cease to exist without hurting anyone (aka mom; no one else will care I i can promise you that). I fucking hate myself so much I can physically feel it. I shouldn't exist. I should have never have existed. Fuckjng kill me.

[enby-hawke]

um im bad at this sort of thing bc anxiety but. i care. im sorry you've hit a depressive episode and i dearly hope it passes soon. it might not feel like it but people do care about you - source: im people. i care.

Thank you for your kind words. Thank you for reaching out and letting me know that someone does care. I really needed to hear that.

I've been trying not to lean too hard on my friends cause I don't want to burden them with my problems and insecurities. In the end the things I'm depressed about feel like first-world problems. I know this mood will pass but I just need some time away from all social media to reprioritize what's important to me.

Yesterday the same post appeared to me several times about how social media has warped the perception of art so much that people don't know how to do art without it anymore and honestly, I'm one of them. The thought of doing art without showing anyone depresses me, but maybe it's time I tried. I'm tired of being disappointed and having anxiety every time I post my art. I want to post art again eventually but I need to work on myself and learn to love the process for what it is again that way when another one of my pieces tanks it doesn't affect my self-worth like it's doing now. I meant it with my last art piece with Lucky, that I'm not a purse or a product.

But I admit I've treated myself like one for a long time. So that's why I'm pulling back and working on myself again. I'll probably still show my friends what I'm working on. I'm still an attention whore. But I want to learn how to find strength in myself and my friends. I thought I was, but the fact the last three fandom pieces  of mine didn't even reach 50 notes when I used to easily reach 100 has hit my esteem hard. I want to break this chain from social media. I don't know if I can do it forever, but usually with bipolar my depressive cycles last two weeks so maybe expect that much time before I'm active again.

[gobstoppr]

a ramble about . having hand and wrist pain that all started hitting me at once .theres no real thesis i just have been thinking about shit . happy disability awareness month .

god for what, over 4months now , ive had chronic hand/wrist pain thats made it fucking frustrating as all hell to do . the things i want to do . i cant play games for hours at a time . i can barely draw for over 30 minutes at a time without a break (oftentimes i have to take breaks long before that point) . i cant scroll on my dash forever since even with the keyboard shortcuts it strains over time (sidenote but CHRIST can i just . but a bookmark on a point on my dash. i want to come back there later and scroll from there . iwant the site to stop lagging ). everything i do i have to consider how bad my bones will hurt from it and if i can do it, if its something i can adjust to make easier on my hands, if its something worth 'wasting' what i call my 'hand stamina' for the afternoon. like oh if i play video game then i wont be able to draw or do shit for like at least 30min .

ive gone to the doctors. ive gone to the tests . its not carpel tunnel they say ! thank you for clearing that option after 3.5 months of pain. now i get to do more trial and error tests to see what i have . ive finally gotten at least like. the orders to let me get physical therapy so hopefully that can help . just side note i fucking HATE decentralized medical care holy SHIT why cant this info just be fucking shared between u guys . i wait 2 weeks between getting to go into the doctor and say 'yea mate it still fucking hurts' so they can give me a different appointment 2 weeks later and so on . its so much fucking treading water . weve been over this bullshit . why do i have to wait 2 weeks to see the dr for 10 minutes and then figure out an appointment . i just fucking . god .

i have to go to college in a month . im not going to be better in a month . im definetly never reaching what was once 'normal' condition for a long time . its . its hard to think about that shit . i feel like ive been trapped ykno.

i remember . for about 3 months. starting in late september 2021. i was having an absolute fucking blast . i had spamton brainrot . i could pump out several small doodles a day, sometimes multiple cleaned up/colored sketches, every couple weeks i might make a fully finished piece . i could spend hours upon hours just. doing what i loved . drawing silly guy who i liked . seeing what the other people in my community were doing . art, creativity is a conversation to me. i see peoples works, i get inspired, i want to create, even if i don't have anything in particular to say at that moment . it doesnt matter i have no ideas for posing or anything . i wanted to create . and i created .

i could be in my element . have this conversation . this feedback loop of inspiration . a constant improvement to my own skills as i just enjoyed art how i enjoy art . i'm mad at myself for not taking more breaks. im mad at myself for not fucking stretching all these years . but i will never regret my time . it was worth every second . and even if im not always interacting with everyone i met thru that time, im forever thankful for getting to meet all of them .

this is sounding a bit mopey huh . ok some quick advice then for this sorta shit in general.

for one . yes i know its fucking hard . but please just stretch a lil sometimes . even just learning one or two u can do pretty consistently can help u get going . this page has alot of good ones.

two . get yourself a good dumbass friend to watch stupid cartoons with you . yes im serious . if it were not for having my sister this summer to watch anime for children i would have gone insane with boredom whenever my hands hurty so i cant do shit . find yourself some bullshit to binge and laugh at . highly recommend the yokai watch dub of seasons 1+2 . good head empty but very entertaining shit . incredible for passing the time

three . find shortcuts for doing smaller straining tasks udont really think about . for example, theres the more prominant things like using keyboard shortcuts to navigate ur dash, but then theres stuff like realizing . oh trying to cut my sandwich with a knife is a kinda weird strain and because the bread is so soft its hard to cut super easily . so now i just . tear my pb+j up with my hands to cut it . jsut rip it . its not fucking worth the nonsense

yeah ok i think im out of things to say for now but yea. fucking hands huh . take care of yourselves gamers . i apologize if this is a bit gloomy

[themoonhater]

“Tell your baby that I’m your baby”

Mom never loved me, never gave me the motherly love mothers give to their children, in her case “her child”. She only had me or at least that’s what I thought. Before I was born there were five girls, none were hers but they did have a blood connection since they were her nieces. “Mom” always told me stories of their childhood, not mine ever, my childhood was filled with sorrow and woes, and she doesn’t want to remember any of those because in her story I’m the villain who took away her happiness. She loved them dearly, even now that they’re all older and have gotten on with their lives and don’t care about her, she looks at them lovingly like how one looks at the field of strawberries they have grown, but she hardly looked at me. “Mom” is forever proud of them, even though they never went to college, never learned another language, never learned how to play the piano but I did, I did for her, All I wanted was to see the bright and shiny smile she flashes whenever she sees her “Girls”. I still look at her, waiting like a good dog, and wag my tail for her to notice me, I put my paw in her hand if she asks for it and return with a dismembered one. That’s how “Mom”’s love was towards me, I gave her my bane of existence but left like a soldier from the Trojan War.

Now that I’m older, now that I see her love is different from other mothers and the love she gives others I ask myself “What did you do? What did you do to make you so unlovable that not even your mother loves you” but I swear, I swear on her life because there’s nothing more important than hers in mine I didn’t do anything wrong, what could a child possibly do to make her mother hate her. I even went running back to her after she sent me to school in first grade with bloody lips and a bruised face because that’s my mother, right? She loves me. But who beats down their innocent child like it’s just limp meat all because they didn’t like their kid’s handwriting? I remember being young and full of life - unlike now - watching all the girls playing with their mothers but all I got was getting yelled out for demanding attention.

Sometimes I think that “Mom” was out of love, I mean let’s be real here, she had five girls to love dearly of course at some point in her life she would run out of love to give but oh, how wrong I was because girls came and go, new nieces and such but no, that was not the end of it, she went out of her way to give her love to my friends, newest additions to her “Girls”.

Years have passed and I’m still not her baby. “Mom” still takes away the food from my plate and gives it to her “Girls” while I watch, starving but will do anything to make her smile. “Mom” still belittles me and hugs her “Girls” because they deserve love and I don’t. “Mom” still calls me names for being disobedient but praises her “Girls”. “Mom” never loved me and never will.

A little side note: It’s my first time writing something like this in English, I used to be a great writer back in middle school and high school, won a few local awards but ever since I started college I have been a stranger with my pen. Hopefully my writing is not that awful because it has been one of passions for years now and I’m so happy to picking it up again. I wish to improve it but for now this is all I can offer.

Also my deep apologies if you relate to this. This was inspired by “I bet on losing dogs” by Mitski. There’s this trend going on, on tik tok that made me want to share my story but I promise that I have more fun and happy stories to tell so please stay tuned lol. (btw im new to tumblr dunno if u can tell)