#imtellingbatman

[imtellingbatman]

nightwing just tried to go through my window but was blocked by the menorah :/ happy hanukkah i guess #imtellingbatman

[ladynoir1987]

You want a Batfamily fic where they little to never go out as heroes and it’s mostly just them acting like the family they are? Here you go!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11698022/1/BatFamily-Moments

After reading it, let me know what your favorite chapter is! Mine’s the Frying Pan series.

[i-think-2-much]

OMG! I just saw Nightwing after he finished beating people up in the allyway and long story short apparently red hood and Robin call him a “Dick” so much he actually answers to it.

[ask-gotham-protectors-blog]

First Post!!

Hello, internet!  It’s your friendly neighborhood Batgirl (some of you probably know me as “Purple Batgirl,” and hey that’s fine too) here to put your questions about Gotham’s buttkickers to rest :)  Sadly, due to a couple of my partners being a bunch of party-poopers, questions are gonna have to be limited to myself, Nightwing, and Black Bat.  For now.  (I’m wearing Robin down, he’ll come around eventually ;) ) 

Now that that’s out of the way, a couple of rules (yeah I know but there’s not a lot so it won’t be too bad):

1. No secret ID questions.  I mean, I’m sure it’ll be fun to hear your conspiracy theories but please don’t actively try to figure out who we are by asking a ton of questions.  Stuff like this will be ignored.

2. Try to keep it kid-friendly, PG-13 at most.  We all want to be good role models for the little ones, right? :)

3.  THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE.  WHATEVER YOU DO.  YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST NOT EVER.  EVEN IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT: Don’t tell Batman. Please.  Yeah, he’s gonna find out eventually but let’s try to make this last as long as we can, okay?

Almost forgot!  We’re gonna be using the #askabat from now on.  Yup, we’re starting a thing.

Sooooo that’s about it for now.  Thanks so much for all of your continued support, and I’ll let you know when more members of the clan are available for questions!  Love you guys! <3

-Batgirl :)

[hashtagonlyingotham]

Okay so like how in the world does Batman deal with the littlest Robin?? He called me a dumbass and laughed at me when I tripped over my dog and fell down my apartment steps?? Like rude little boy!!! #imtellingbatman

[lonestarfangirl2014]

#ImtellingBatman

So i just moved back to Gotham and I’m on the top of my apartment building for a quick early morning smoke break and what do I see and hear? Flamebird and Nightwing arguing in front of the rest of the bats(sans Batman and Batwoman) and then a loud slap #NightwingsaAss #DAMNNNFlamebirdSlappedHimHard #TheGirlsandRedhoodAreCheering #OneofThemAskedHerToDoTheSameToRedRobin #Ha #misogyny #imtellingbatman

[bin-of-gayness]

I’ve been cruising through the #OnlyInGotham tag, so I thought, why not contribute?

———————

I work at McDonalds and the, what does he call it? The Batplane? Batwing? The plane Batman drives comes by to pick up like, seventeen Happy Meals, and I only see Nightwing and Red Robin inside..... #onlyingotham #Imtellingbatman #theywerepulledoverbythebatmobile

———————

#onlyingotham does yelling “Nightwings butt is average!” earn you a mob at your door. Robin and Red Hood are leading them, and Red Robin in consoling a crying Nightwing in the corner. #whoops #imsorry #ijustwantedhelpwithmyhomework

———————

I got tired of vigilantes and rogues breaking my window, so about a month ago I replaced it with two inch thick plexi glass. After Red Hood figured it out, I guess he took it as a challenge to break my window. So now I just spend hours sitting in front of my window and drinking coffee as he throws multiple items at my window. Rogues and other vigilantes are not an uncommon site. Yesterday he threw a cat at my window. I flipped him off and he started banging his head against the wall. #itsquiteamusing #bestentertainment #onlyingotham #hejustthrewJokeratmywindow Update: He threw Red Robin and after faceplanting against my window he sorta just stayed there and stared at my coffee. #getrrhelp

———————

I just walked past Damian Wayne walking down the street holding catnip with a trail of cats following him. I think he’s going back to the manor.... #onlyingotham #imsorrybruce #savebruce2k18

———————

Some Metropolis tourist was standing next to me waiting for the bus and bragging all about how amazing Superman is and how their city is soooo much better than ours. Also about how us Gothamites are only cultured if we’re ritch and if we’re ritch we’re snobs. And me, being the small art school student I am who has grown up in Gotham, punched said tourist. Right in the gut. Nightwing high fived me. #onlyingotham

———————

#onlyingotham do you run into Red Robin at the cafe near your dorm and pass out from shear exhaustion, only to wake up to find his cowl wrapped around your shoulders and enough money to buy another coffee, along with a sticky note that says good luck. #thestrugglesofanartstudent #imkeepingthecowl #itssowarm

———————

I just watched Dick Grayson fall out of a tree and flip last second onto his feet while yelling “yolo” #onlyingotham #savebruce2k18

———————

I went to Wayne Manor for a gala only because I was a personally hired photographer, and I didn’t have fancy clothes so I showed up in jeans in a plaid shirt. Tim Drake took one look at me, and dragged me to his room to get me “proper” clothes. As he was doing so he told me that the snobs in that Ballroom would eat me alive if I went in there looking like that. When he was done he patted me on the shoulder and left. #onlyingotham #ithinkiminlove #TimsofficiallymyfavoriteWaynekid

———————

[dyketectivecomics]

#OnlyInGotham

Gothamites & the Batfam’s relationship to mostly music i’ve been listening to recently

@carolCrusader: Blastin ABBA Gimme!Gimme!Gimme! & #Nightwing shows up & has a dance off w/ me n the gals to ABBAs greatest hits??? #OnlyInGotham #HisMovesAreWeakButHisBootyIsThicc

@noticemebatsenpai: Red Hoods been blastin Father of Mine by Everclear all night... on fathers day no less??? #OnlyInGotham #BatdadPlzTalkToUrKid #HesBeenThruSomething

@metroSucks3ggs: look i don't mind RR breaking up our school dance to stop penguin but did he have to pull those sweet sweet moves to those backstreet boys throwbacks #OnlyInGotham #RedRobinCanGetDOWN

@putth3G0thInG0tham: livin across from GCPD has perks. watched nightwing & batgirl have a one-sided convo abt his music playlist that he was playin from some speakers & she grabs his iPod & plays Coins ‘Talk too Much’ #OnlyInGotham #SheBurnedHimWithoutSayingAWord #MyHeroMyIdolMyQueen

@batfan37: guess oracle didn't like my comments on her blog bc she hacked into my spotify & has been blasting 80s throwbacks. I love A-ha but plz oracle take (mercy) on me. its been 3 HOURS PLEASE #OnlyInGotham #TakeOnMeStillGoesHardTho

@goth4mg4rgoylesf4n: dont open ur window & play neon trees unless u wanna summon spoiler to do a duet w/ u #ScaredtheHellOuttaMe #ButDefAGoodKaraokeBuddy #OnlyInGotham

@avgjoeshmoe: #bbyRobin is NOT a 3eb fan. just trying to enjoy their first album w/ my bros & he throws my speaker off the roof????? #ImTellingBatman #OnlyInGotham

[onlyinmetropolis]

#onlyinmetroplis do I need to ask about the baby Superboy and robin that fell asleep on my floor with my dog. #imtellingbatman to come get his child please. And to please return the other one to Superman.

[batfam-christmas-stocking]

rannajii’s stocking

Tumblr username: rannajii

AO3 username: WhoLetTheCatOutOfTheBag

Preferred medium(s): fic, art

Favourite character(s): tim drake, damian wayne, bruce wayne, stephanie brown

Likes: hurt/comfort, angst, time travel, bruce comforting his kids, batkids bonding, tim and damian existing in the same room.

Dislikes: the joker, incest, bruce not being a good dad, steph erasure.

Prompts: movie night, injury, reading #imtellingbatman, batkids bonding over things that happened to them as robin/batgirl, “who had it worse”.

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

“There are three separate complaints that you held up traffic to pet a cat,” said Dick, flashing his phone screen in Damian’s direction. Damian didn’t look up from his book, which was about what Tim expected. They’d gotten this far without a reaction.

“I wanted to pet the cat,” Damian said, calmly turning a page.

“You have a cat,” Tim reminded him.

“I don’t have that cat. It was orange.”

“You’re right, it all makes sense now.” 

Damian rolled his eyes as expressively as he could without taking his face out of his novel. It was good enough for Tim to get the picture, so he turned back to Dick, who was still scrolling through Twitter. 

“I heard Nightwing say that Robin’s grounded again,” Dick read, “but the kid is definitely perched on my balcony right now, so #imtellingbatman.” He shot Damian a look. “I’m shocked.” 

“When was that?”

“April seventeenth.”

Damian nodded, half-smirking. “He doesn’t read them, then. He never noticed I was gone.”

“I don’t know,” said Tim. “That could be what he wants us to think. You sneak out, what, twice a week? Enforcing a curfew once isn’t worth burning a source.”

“True,” said Damian, considering it.

“Unless he wanted to use it as a deterrent system,” Dick put in. “Not that possible consequences have ever actually deterred us. For example…” He frowned down at his phone. “Never mind, this one isn’t about you.”

Dick sighed, turning to Jason instead. “It says you blew up a dumpster?”

“Yep.”

“Why?”

“Business,” Jason shrugged. “Mind your own.”

That was also about what Tim expected. He watched in amusement as Dick crossed his arms, obviously debating whether it would be worth it to push for information— Jason might be hiding something important, but it wouldn’t be easy to get out of him. In the end, Dick let it go.

“Fine,” he decided. “But you have almost as many of these as Damian.”

“That figures.”

“I’m 99% sure that Red Hood and Robin are playing on the playground across my street,” Dick read. “#imtellingbatman.”

“Stakeout,” Damian corrected, while Jason nodded in confirmation. “Not playing.”

“Update: they definitely are, and Robin just shoved Hood off a slide #imtellingbatman.”

Damian grinned. “Now that I did,” he agreed, then immediately ducked sideways to dodge the pillow Jason threw at his head. “We still weren’t playing. It was a strategic location.”

“Where else would a toddler like him blend in?” Jason muttered, grabbing for a second pillow. 

“Fair.” Dick kept scrolling. “What else? Oh, apparently Damian stabbed a school bus. On multiple occasions.”

Damian shrugged, clearly unconcerned, and pointedly turned another page. “I stab lots of things.”

“You’re supposed to aim for people,” Tim suggested.

“I can add you to the list.”

“Don’t start,” Dick sighed. “Church break in. Saw Robin playing in the stained glass- he climbed the Madonna statue to stick his hand in the blue light #imtellingbatman.”

“I didn’t.”

“That sounds exactly like you.”

“It doesn’t.”

“Sure, Damian,” said Dick, rolling his eyes in Tim’s direction to communicate that yes, it did sound like Damian, and it was kind of endearing. Tim wouldn’t have said it out loud, but he agreed: that was exactly the kind of thing that Damian would do and hide. He’d be afraid of coming across as childish. 

Damian was a child, of course, but he didn’t like people bringing it up. 

“Can I see?” Tim asked. Dick handed over the phone, and Tim swiped through a few pages worth of tweets, scanning for more about Damian. It didn’t take long to find one.

“2nd & Main: some costume taunted Robin about RR. Ambulance en route. Robin looks really upset? #imtellingbatman so he can check on… his kid….” Tim trailed awkwardly away.

On the couch below him, Damian went very still. 

“That never happened.”

“Damn,” Tim muttered. “I didn’t realize you cared.”

“I didn’t,” said Damian. “And I don’t. It never happened.”

“You thought I was dead, okay? It’s not weird to be emotional about that.”

“Never,” Damian insisted. “Happened.”

Tim glanced over at Jason and Dick, who were both watching attentively, though admittedly in very different ways; Jason looked like he was thirty seconds from making popcorn, while Dick nodded encouragingly in Damian’s direction.

“Uh. Thanks?” Tim really was touched. It wasn’t that he wanted Damian to be upset, exactly— too many of the important people in Tim’s life had died for him to wish that on anyone else— but it was nice to know where he stood. After all, Tim had been devastated when Damian died. Apparently Damian had returned the favor. 

“I could murder you right now and laugh at your funeral.”

“Did he?” Tim asked.

Dick shook his head. “He cried. A lot.”

“Liar!” Damian slammed his book shut, glaring at the pair of them. He looked dangerously close to violence, which was probably why Jason decided to egg him on.

“You might as well admit it,” he said. “You’re not fooling anyone.”

Damian made a grab for something in his belt that was almost definitely a weapon. Evidently, Dick had been expecting that— he snatched Damian’s wrist as it went by and pulled him back onto the couch. 

“Shut up,” he told Jason. “And Damian?”

“What?”

“Calm down.”

“I’m always calm.”

“You’ve never been calm in your life, and you know it,” Tim told him.

“Fight me,” said Damian, glaring. 

Dick ran his free hand through his hair. “Okay that’s… that’s not calm.”

“Fine.” Damian closed his eyes long enough to take a single deep breath and wipe the expression from his face. “Can I go now?”

Dick raised an eyebrow at Tim. Tim did not want to continue the conversation.

“Please.”

Damian bolted for the door as soon as Dick let go of his wrist. He paused in the hallway long enough to point at Tim— “Never happened.”— and then he was gone. 

Right, Tim figured. Sure.

Based on this post by @callmeofficergrayson :)

For @unlocklist‘s birthday! It’s late now, but y’all should go check Bobby out. She’s rad and ridiculously talented (main/art only)

[imtellingbatman]

I was reading a few nights ago and at around four in the morning red robin drops in and starts yelling and says that he wants to know how i stay up so late without coffee cuz hes been watching me? I said it was secret. Then I gave him some peppermint bark and sent him away. Then he came back with spoiler, orphan and bluebird and told me they wanted the recipe. and thats how i ended up making peppermint bark with the batkids. shouldn't the be patrolling? #imtellingbatman #imteachingthemcookiesnow

[hellsbellssinclub]

Welcome to Gotham. Part 2.

Part 1/ Part 2/ Ao3

@demad69

This is both fun and frustrating to write. On one hand, I can write whatever I want. On the other, writing this out to make it sound like a radio broadcast is frustrating as all hell.

Please enjoy though. And if you check out the this page you can be linked to demad69′s playlist for the weather. 

The radio continued to hiss and spit static at you, despite it being a new radio. You sigh and begin to wonder if you should just listen to podcasts off the internet like your many wards tell you when a voice cuts through the static, speaking softly and calmly.

“The gargoyles do not move. They do not speak. They do not judge. Welcome to Gotham”

You are startled to hear that piano you heard last week. It seems you have once again stumbled upon the odd station you thought you had imagined.

“Hello listeners. It has been one busy week, has it not? Time has just flown past faster than Superman on a caffeine high let me tell you.

Things have been a little hectic this week with Batman and the Red Hood having their show down on Tuesday. The mess leading up to that whole confrontation was less than pleasant to deal with. There was that whole chaos with Black Mask and the Joker and things were blown up and Urgh. Talk about a huge inconvenience. Commissioner Gordon also confirmed that the Red Hood got away and is currently hiding and let me say it again. Urgh.

The clean-up for that confrontation has been done in the traditional Gotham manner. Bruce Wayne, you know the local billionaire who practically throws his money away trying to keep this city standing and is actually a really great guy for doing so? Has funded the whole thing and is paying for a new apartment complex for those in escaping abusive situations to be placed where the blown-up building once stood. Reports have stated that there was really very little to loot and that Nightwing has been seen guarding the area for any looters.

Which does suck a little when you know that you could get some cooper from that blown up building but hey, this radio host is not dumb enough to go up against stupid sexy Nightwing just for some damaged cooper. If you guys really wanna loot you could always try your hand at the local Lex Corp building. There is only a seventy percent chance that you will never be seen again. Those odds are a lot better than the ones of you walking away with your dignity when you are beaten by Nightwing.

Speaking of Lex Corp, CEO and possible melomaniac villain Lex Luthor has announced today that he will be funding a new cancer ward for small children in Metropolis. This comes after Oliver Queen, CEO of Queen Industries announced he was funding an after-school’s sports program for under privileged kids in Star City. While our local Billionaire Bruce Wayne, CEO of Wayne industries has done his normal funding and charity works for the month, there have been rumours that he is planning to fund something else. What, we don’t know, but it is sure to show up any other Billionaire white boys that’s for sure.

Into other news now, Poison Ivy has declared that the small green house she has made in Robinsons Park is now a male free zone if you are over the age of fourteen. She states that fourteen is the time that most boys start to become men and start to give off hormones that are dangerous to her plants. She says that any male who comes to her green house without her prior permission with be fed to the lovely, giant man-eating lilies. You have been officially warned.

The mayoral office would like to formally request that the citizens of Gotham to please stop sending them bags of cow dung in protest to the election rules. They would like to firmly remind everyone that these rules are there to stop ego maniacs from taking over our city and no amount of dung will change the rules. And no, that is not an actual challenge. Please stop sending dung to the office. The interns are threatening to rebel and no one wants the city to be taken over by angry, underpaid interns.

And now, the weather.”

Music begins to play instead of anything being said about the weather, like it had the last time you listened to this station. Instead of a song about waiting for a bus in the rain, it is an almost gentle song about half light and you can’t help but feel your heart clench slightly as you listen to the lyrics. You and your wards have been living in the dark for so long, following the mission. If they ever left the shadows fully, would the light fully shine on them? Or would they continued to be shadowed? The song brought some uncomfortable feelings and thoughts to your mind and you feel that you will be pre-occupied by these thoughts for a while.

“Welcome back listeners. We have just received word that someone has once again blow up warehouse thirteen down by the docks. From the report, we were given and the snaps I have gotten from my snapchat, it looks like it was done by the Joker gang. It would be best to stay clear of the docks for a while and leave the matter to the authorities or Batman. Whoever gets there first.

So, I did plan to have a small section of today’s show share a few of the #imtellingbatman tag but seeing as for the past week there hasn’t been anything new added at all except for one that was really mean that compared poor Robin number three to a ruined pizza that was thrown off a roof, given the fact that the boy has obviously gotten into a fight he has definitely not won. Poor kid. Better luck next time you take on someone!

Our show is quickly coming to an end, dear listeners. So, let me finish off this show with a quick thank you to all of you who listened to this broadcast. It was a very pleasant surprise to here that station management was pleased with the requests to play back last week’s show. And I must say, a pleased station management means this radio host gets to live another day with food in her belly. We have been officially placed on the weekly rotation of broadcasts and random screams that echo through the airwaves throughout the day and night and we will be back again next week at around this time of day, assuming we all don’t die before that.

Goodbye, dear listeners. And goodnight.”

The voice is gone once more, leaving his hissing and spitting of static. You look at the station number and commit it to memory. Gotham was such a weird and strange place, but there are a few small things that truly interest you. This station may become one of them.

[i-think-2-much]

Robin and Nightwing are having a handstand competition and it’s the cutest thing ever. Robin keeps murmuring about how he can do it the best, but his shoulder is bothering him. Meanwhile, Nightwing is walking on his hands in circles around him while he scowls and keeps trying to do a handstand.

[thewayneconspiracy]

I plan to. He chipped my best reed- instrument anon

#Imtellingbatman

[hashtagonlyingotham]

I work at a portrait studio and Nightwing and spoiler came in and asked to borrow "the sexy hair fan." I said yes and they took the fan, but That was like 3 weeks ago what do I do. #onlyingotham #imtellingbatman Update: bats brought back cause it was starting too many proplems.