#lgbtpqia+

[thefoolishnighmare]

So....it was planned since 2013... I'm so happy for the bees right now. And one debate ended with this.

[lionheartslowstart]

The Male Gaze

My whole life, I have been someone many consider odd. I stand out. I march to the beat of my own drum. I’ve been called “unique” or “one of a kind” by a large number of people, complete strangers and close loved ones alike. But while I absolutely struggle with the desire to fit in more easily and be accepted by The Masses(tm), for the most part this is not something that bothers me. In fact, there have been many times in my life where I take tremendous pride in sticking out like a sore thumb. Why would I want to be like everyone else? That’s boring. Recently, I have been coming to terms with the fact that I have largely lived my life according to the male gaze. This has been quite a jarring realization to have, considering everything I just discussed above. But it’s true. For much I’ve my life, I’ve dressed a certain way, worn my hair in particular styles, worn specific types of makeup, and even participated in some behaviors, simply because that’s what I’ve been conditioned to do.

I did these things despite deep down NOT wanting to do them. And I can see that clearly now upon reflection, that many of them were not things I actually liked at all, or were things I only wanted to do occasionally, as opposed to quite frequently. Though the autism certainly played a role in that as well. Much of the fashion  I donned myself in actually caused me a lot of sensory issues. Namely high heels, makeup on my face (like foundation, bronzer, etc.), and certain styles/materials of clothing. I still wear these things once in a blue moon, but only for special occasions. (But even then, I’ll probably excuse myself to go fidget in the bathroom several times throughout the event.)

As a whole, I wouldn’t necessarily include my body issues in this category, due to the fact that those issues mostly stem from a variety of other sources which carry much more significance, including my insecurities with women, rather than men. However, there was a long time I craved having a petite frame, and pursued skinniness to the best of my ability. It has only been in the last few years that I’ve realized I don’t actually want to be skinny. (Make no mistake, I do wish I thinner, but only marginally so, as I’ve actually lost a lot of weight recently.) I have never truly liked my body, but have found that I seem to like it the most when I’m in good shape. I enjoy watching my muscles get bulkier. I like looking, feeling, and being strong. I have a goal body and it’s definitely not the same goal body I had ten years ago. Although, funnily enough, I did discover that rush from lifting weights and seeing muscle growth, despite the fact that leanness was what I so desperately “wanted”. But now I’ve finally given myself permission to pursue it.

I also mentioned my hair. I’ve worn it long for most of my life. Or at least, long enough to be considered feminine. I cut it short for the first time my freshman year of college (and got my first girlfriend like two weeks later, how ironic), but grew it out immediately because I thought it made my face look weird. Now I ask myself, did it actually make my face look weird, or was I concerned about how my face looked to men? I genuinely think it may have been the latter. But since then, my hair was consistently shoulder length.

Until about five years later, when I shaved off half of my head to stick it to my ex because he said I’d look ugly (which I didn’t by the way I looked hot as hell). After a few months, I cut my hair short for the first time since my freshman year so that it grow back evenly. And I really, really liked it. But then I grew it out again, using the excuse that it would probably be better for my career. Which might have some truth to it, but was also kind of a bullshit excuse. The fact is, the most successful actors are the actors who stay true to themselves. Industry professionals can smell bullshit a mile away, and that’s not what they want. They want real, authentic, genuine artists. I can claim that title all I want, but if I’m compromising on how I want to wear my hair, it’s not true. And unfortunately, as a result, when I got my headshots done in 2021, I was extremely unhappy. They didn’t come out well. They didn’t look me. Even the best ones made me look about five years older. And I was stuck with them for a long time.

I’m getting new headshots this year, and made the choice to chop all of my hair off again. It’s a little shorter than I’d like it to be, but I still have some time for it grow a bit longer before my next headshots. I know exactly how I want it to look. Last year I had this sort of floppy, strawberry blonde, shaggy bob. It was perfect. It’s the most I’ve ever liked my hair.

I do already miss the long hair (the curse of being gender-fluid), but it did cause me a lot of sensory problems. My neck and shoulders feel much better without it. If I’m being honest, in an ideal world, I’d be able to change my hair all the time. There are so many styles I’d love to try! Alas, because I’m an actor, I really do need to pick one and stick with it, at least for the foreseeable future. And this is the one I like the most and feels the most “me,” at least right now. So it’s the one I’m going to have for the next couple of years while I work on rebuilding my resume. At the very least, it’s nice to know that certain cuts and colors do look good on me, should I ever feel the need for change. Like I said, the half-shaved look was killer, and I also got to have purple hair for my birthday month last year, which was so much fun. I do hope I’ll have more opportunities for experimentation down the road!

Woof, that was a tangent. But the hair stuff does lead me to a very important facet of this whole male gaze thing. I am a queer person. Very queer. So queer in fact, that I would honestly call myself a lesbian if my current partner wasn’t a man. (Yes, he knows that, and it has given him endless ego boosts.) In addition to being queer, I’m genderqueer. Specifically I would say the agender category is the most accurate for me, though there is definitely fluidity therein. I just happen to identify as some variant of agender most of the time.

Now obviously, gender identity and sexual orientation do not dictate expression. But for me personally, there is a lot of desire for more masculine or androgynous presentation. Not all the time, and there are still quite a few times I enjoy dressing more feminine. But masculine/androgynous fashion is not something I normally pursue at all. In fact, on the rare occasion I would dress more masc, I made a whole thing out of it. I would go all out and post a shit ton of pictures and poured a lot of energy into it. It was never just what I happened to be wearing that day. It was “omg it’s masc day!” Admittedly, part of that is because I didn’t own a lot of traditionally masculine clothing. But isn’t that kind of what I’m talking about here? I only bought certain types of clothes because those were the clothes I was “supposed to wear.” Anything else was a rare treat. I own a shocking amount of dresses for someone who really doesn’t like dresses.

This year, I promised myself I was going to make a concerted effort to pursue fashion, something I have always been wary of doing (largely due to my body issues). So far, it’s actually been going pretty well! Since I’ve lost weight, I now have a reason to buy new clothing, and I’ve allowed myself to get what I want, not what I think I’m supposed to want. That includes traditionally masculine clothes, of course, but it also includes traditionally feminine clothes, and more androgynous looking clothes. The crazy thing is that, now that I’m just wearing what I want, none of my clothes look inherently gendered. (Which like, duh.) I just wear what I want on any given day and if I’m feeling masculine, it looks masculine, and if I’m feeling feminine, it looks feminine. It’s been such an incredible, exciting, and freeing experience! Weirdly enough, since I’ve started indulging my actual tastes, I’ve even begun enjoying wearing dresses sometimes. (Emphasis on sometimes.) I think it might be because I don’t feel pressured to wear them to appear more feminine, to look the way I’m “supposed to look.”

It’s been such a sudden, drastic shift. I have spent so much of my life worrying about how men perceive me, if I’m desirable to them. To the point where I didn’t even realize it. And it’s just like, who fucking cares? I could give two shits if a dude thinks I’m hot or not. Yet it’s been so programmed into my brain, I’ve only just now become aware of it in my late 20′s. And I STILL have to catch myself sometimes! I absolutely still have moments of doubt or where I’ll try to talk myself into or out of something, and I have say to myself, “Ah ah ah, there you go again! What do YOU want?”

But it’s exciting. And scary. I am so pumped to continue this journey to rediscover myself and my individuality.

[will-pilled]

Please, PLEASE for the love of GOD stop perpetuating the stereotypes attached to us.

Just stop. Being gay isn't a personality. I can respect being proud of personal traits, but being gay isn't a part of what makes you you.

It's... Just wow. What makes you you is your interests and experience. Yes, being gay/trans/ect can effect that, but it isn't that on it's own.

I'm not even joking, a friend of mine said "Oh, I'm glad you're normal" after finding out I liked women, and, in all honesty, I don't blame them.

I am aware it's a minority, but fucking hell. You're only fuelling homophobia. You're making it worse for the rest of us you fucking cunts.

[gaysebastianvael]

we're back to asking "are '''cishet''' aros/aces lgbt?", we've made zero progress, great job everyone!

[buttonmillipede]

~RULES~

REQUEST: CLOSED

If you have any questions or concerns please dm me 🩷

Rules on one shots/headcanons

what I will do

S/h (as long as there is a happy ending)

 LGBTPQIA

Light gore

Spicy stuff (lime)

what I won’t do

Inc*st 

R word

Anything non-consensual

Child x adult

 graphic gore 

Yandere (im sorry it’s just wired to me)

Suicide

smut 

What means what

💞 fluff

❤️‍🩹 Angst to comfort

💔 angst no comfort

⏳ slow burn

🎵 Lime

⚡️ Enemies to lovers 

💫 Friends to lovers

Shows I will write 

Lego monkie kid

Bungo stray dogs

Fionna and cake

Jjk

Tbhk

Stanley parable

Sally face

Romantic ships I will do

basically anything besides minor x adult

Platonic ships I will do 

Anything

please keep in mind I do have a life outside of social media, so it might take me a while to take your request.

I will decide if I want to write your request or not so please be respectful if I deny your request.

(also to my irl friends who have found my account, GET THE HELL OUT YOU FAIRY RATS I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN anyways I love you muah muah 😘💗)

[sir-bacon-d-esq]

~Their First Pride March~

_____

“Wait, did we leave the front door open???”

_____

Phew, just in time before Pride Month ends!  More Baffy ideas fill my noggin, but this’ll do for now.

Lot’s of lessons were learned making this, and while it’s tempting to keep tinkering, it’s important to know when you’re done and move on.  Fail faster, as they say.

And I’d rather fail knowing that I at least tried, dangit!

[rahullkohli]

i see everyone saying "cas learned violence as intimacy by watching dean" but i rather think that cas' violence comes from eons of being brainwashed into the extremist climate of Heaven politics, and then he learned his softness by knowing dean's soul, and just like every soft and tender action dean performs is a rebellion against the indoctrination from john, every act of softness and tenderness cas performs is a rebellion against the angels who tried to mold him into a blind soldier. in this essay i will

[imaginaryboyfriend]

I love how the lgbtq community will "fake date" their friends either because they have a crush or they eventually develop a crush but then you're trapped because none of your flirting is taken seriously. I know how many of you I am calling out right this instant, but simply I do not care.

[randomwolf42066691337]

I honestly need to ask:

What exactly is the difference between Transsexual and Superstraight?

Aren't they just different sides of the same coin?

I don't get it. Ones transgenderisim (or lack there of) is defining attraction in both.

I'm really not trying to be disrespectful. I'm genuinely un-educated. I don't know and I need someone to explain it to me.

[wonderingwhereiam]

pansexual full of love

[khaleekenny]

Sorry for my bad english

[thefoolishnighmare]

I'm okay with this information

But i'm am still angry about the fact I learn it on tiktok. WHY, GOD, WHY DO YOU PUNISH ME ?

[will-pilled]

Fellas what is it called when you are only attracted to people without male genitals?

Like regardless of gender, gender doesn't really matter much, but like

Female and possibly intersex, no matter their gender.

Is it just a type of bisexual, is there a certain name for something like this? I thought I was lesbian but I remembered trans men and I'm like "no theyre cool but theyre men so if I am attracted to them im definitely not a lesbian" and I'm confused tbh

[gaysebastianvael]

i’m not mad at people who reblogged the post because i know they did it with good intentions but i read the op’s clarification in the notes and they Did Not make it with good intentions lol

[rawrzimon]

I just started watching She-Ra. . .

And I would die for Scorpia.

[ririazul]

I literally just found out that today is International Non Binary Pride Day!

So before the day comes to an end, happy International Non Binary Day to my nb mutals/followers! You're all fabulous, beautiful humans and you are loved 💛♡💜🖤